The Yak - Steven Reveals Maybe His Craziest Story Yet | The Yak 3-27-24

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

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Hello. Hey, what's up's up hey something amiss get off your chest man how you feeling i have diarrhea again it's a problem i don't know i think i'm eating too much ice cream how much is too much i had three cones last night three cones oh but a cone's not that real multiple cones is crazy multiple cones is crazy you can always you can always add another scoop to the bowl and that yeah that's carried away with a bowl of ice cream but cones yeah doing like the whole lick drill three times yeah are you replenishing the same cone no i have cones in house and yeah yeah i i've been doing this new diet where I don't eat breakfast or lunch. I just eat dinner, but then dinner just becomes ice cream.

Okay. Yeah. So again, that's probably the source of the problem. On top of a dinner entree? Yeah, a little dinner, but it was mostly ice cream. 90% of my food. You don't want to fill up too much because you have ice cream coming. Right.

90% of my food yesterday was ice cream. Liquid diet. Yeah. It's calcium. I'll be okay i think we are taping a special high noon basketball skills challenge today after the yak yes so this is for everyone for planning purposes uh this is because on the day of the national championship we will be myself and tyson will be in scottsdale brandon will be in philly you will be in when is when is that april 8th yeah you'll be in philly so we thought let's let's try to get a show taped that we can have all of us here uh for the people and then we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming on that Tuesday. So I'm worried about that part of today.

Basketball with diarrhea. Don't mix. Could give you an advantage. What percent of your shitting yourselves as a non-baby have been diarrhea? Is it every single one? Hmm. Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Imagine if you just shit yourself with like a log. Like a fucking log that would be incredible that's laziness not sickness that's super intentional just like a nice fat formed log like a perfect S shape

oh I can't believe I shit my log in my shit a log yeah it was bad defend your man Titus he shit a log? Yeah, it was bad. Defend your man, Titus. He shit a log in his pants. Actually, not in my pants. All right, I have to describe.

I'm going to caveat the story with this. And I don't know if this is a common thing or not. But if I ever get chili, like go into a uh freezer section in the uh grocery store or in the you know beer fridge or whatever um i almost immediately have to poop almost every time anyway so if what every time you say this again if you buy chili when you buy chili you have to shit no they're the act of buying the chili? If my body gets chili... Purchases? Are you talking about being cold?

No, not the food. Are you talking about being cold? Being cold. You would understand the confusion. You said a food store. We're talking about shitting your pants. You're talking about chili in a food store. The idea of chili...

You were talking about diarrhea, and you're like, if my body gets chili in a food store. Chili has to be the number one diarrhea. Oh, and we're still on the caveat. Oh, my God. We haven't gotten to the point. Oh, there he is. So it was a chilly.

Back up, back up, back up, back up. Chilly, your body feels chilly. Cold. It was cold. It was cold. Say cold. Say cold. Say cold. it was a cold autumn day i went uh i was playing basketball with some high school friends this is post-college um playing great and then i got a

little tired and then i started to get cold it was t-shirt weather and it turned to evening pretty quickly so uh i left to go to i thought i had to like go immediately. So I went down the stairs and just like poop in a bush. And then I was like, oh, I'm fine. I started walking back to my car. Earlier in the day, my dad had purchased, he's a fairly frugal guy. He purchased lobster that was on sale. My father was a frugal man. Starting your shitty pants story with that.

My father born in 1952 in Japan. A bit of a frugal man. Where was shitty pants story with that. My father born in 1952 in Japan. A bit of a frugal man. Where was he born? Was he born in Japan? Hong Kong. You think he's Japanese? That was a mistake. I think that's fine. That was a mistake.

He bought this lobster that was on sale. What? What year is this? What is going on? What year is this? This is 2009, 2010. Describe the temperature. 2008. When I went outside to play initially, it was probably like 50s, but then it got down to like low 40s.

Okay, so your body's chilly, and your dad bought an old lobster. Yeah, which I had for lunch, and that was a bad combination. You never want to bought an old lobster. Yeah, which I had for lunch. And that was a bad combination. You never want to have old lobster for lunch, man. Bad combination. So I'm scurrying to my car to go home to use the bathroom. Unbeknownst to me, plops out. How is that unbeknownst to you? You shit your pants without knowing it?

Basically, I didn't know. He's a novelist right now. You shit your pants without knowing it? Basically. He's a novelist right now. You guys are forgetting he was chilly. I didn't feel it. I didn't feel it, and I'm getting into my car, and I'm wearing boxers and basketball shorts, and it's on the ground. What?

Wait, no. No, no, no. I was going to say, the underwear had to be so loose. You had a turd slip out of your asshole, fall to the ground, and you didn't realize it happened. I mean, I was like clenching. I was hurrying. But no, I didn't feel it come out. But you didn't realize you didn't have to shit anymore?

You didn't feel the shit come out of your ass? Oh, shit. Who put that dog shit there? I've never. No, dude. How loose is your asshole? I don't know. Standard.

Are you sure it was your shit? Yeah. Yeah. You can't have something come out of your ass and be like unbeknownst to me. Can you describe the size? Oh, my God. Is that my shit? It was uncomfortably large for something that I felt would have come out of me while walking.

Can you compare it to a food? It was large penis size. What? How loose is your asshole? That's the question. You had a large penis fall out of your asshole as you were walking, and you didn't even feel it. You didn't realize it happened.

Che, could you be ass-fucked without knowing? If he has lobster. If he's chilly enough. Yeah, chilly and lobster. I was cold. I didn't realize it happened. Che, could you be ass fucked without knowing? If he has lobster. If he's chilly enough. Yeah, chilly and lobster. I was cold. Who knows? How did the log of feces disembark your anus without you feeling it in the slightest? I was like clenching.

No, you weren't. If you were clenching. Well, like also running to my car to be like, shit, I got to take care of the situation right now. So now you're running with a clenched asshole and it slides out and you don't act like you guys haven't like If a large penis-sized turd slips out while clenched, you have a loose ass. Yeah. Wait, so where did

it fall to? The ground. So you're just running You're running and then you just stop and you're like, what's that? Yes, as I'm opening the door I see it on the ground and I was like, oh no. Didn't you realize you didn't, what's that? Oh, that's my poop? Yes, as I'm opening the door, I see it on the ground. I was like, oh, no. Didn't you realize you didn't have to shit anymore, Steve?

Right. Did Steven almost step in dog shit and he came up with this whole story? Oh, that must be my shit. Oh, you know what must have happened as I was jogging with a clenched asshole? That was dog shit. Steven just had diarrhea. Like, if I have diarrhea right now, if I just walk outside and see dog shit, I'm like, was that

me? Yeah. Oh. I look at other shit and don't have to shit anymore. I convince myself it's mine. Che probably thinks that dildos just fall out of gay guys' asses all the time. All the time. There's no such thing as an emergency log. No logs ever in a box. And how would it have

cleanly just gotten out of your shorts? I was in boxers. Unbeknownst to me is devilish. There was certainly some residue, but I'm saying like

90% of it was out on the ground, seemingly untouched. Your guy. Seemingly untouched? What the fuck? Did you look around? Were you like,

oh my God, I hope no one saw this large penis-sized turd fall out of my shorts? Yes. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. Do you think you could have picked a better metaphor for something coming out of your ass than large penis? Yeah. Fair point.

Fair point. Where was your father at in all this? He was at home. Did you tell anyone? Or were you like, no one ever? Yeah. I had to go home and be like, hey, fill up the bathtub. We have an issue.

What? Wait, no. What? What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jay. No. What? Fill up the bathtub.

You're an adult male and you told your parents to fill up the bathtub? My ass is filled with shit. Fill up the tub. Wait, wait, wait. Why a tub? Why would you fill up the tub? Why would you? What is going on? This makes sense. Fill up the tub. Wait, wait, wait. Why a tub? Why would you fill up the tub? Why would you? It's not one of mine.

This makes sense. I don't remember. Why would you marinate in stagnant water after that? No, I think what I did was I showered off and then went in the tub. I don't remember. At some point in that day, it wasn't. It was just like shit on me. At some point, you ended up in the tub.

Where did the- Unbeknownst to you. I don't know how I got here. Seemingly. All of this is a foggy haze. Because it was kind of cold. Kind of. Do you guys not get that?

It was a 45 degree day. That's not even cold. I think you just had to shit. I had to poop for sure. It's like in the 30s today. I'm not wearing a t-shirt and shorts If you turn on the weather They're like just so you know

Weather advisory shit might fall out of your ass It's a log advisory Large penises might fall out of your ass I will always dress For warmer Or for colder than the appropriate occasion So you don't shit yourself Somewhat yeah Cloudy with a chance of cocking for warmer or for colder than the appropriate occasion. So you don't shit yourself?

Somewhat, yeah. Cloudy with a chance of cockiness. Somewhat. If you went outside in a t-shirt right now, would you shit yourself? No, but I'm just saying it accelerates the need to do so. But you wouldn't even realize? That's the only time that I haven't realized.

You're saying you didn't realize until you saw it on the ground. Correct. I don't think it was your shit, man. I think you may have farted, had a skid mark, and then you saw a dog turd. And the fact that you said fill up the bathtub. Everything is wrong. What? That was the worst part, man. You're an adult man who walks into your house. I was like 22.

Adult man. Fair, fair. Walks into your house, your parents' house, and he's like, hey, mom, dad. Fill up the tub. Fill up the tub. I pooped myself. Yeah. What? It was a low point in my life.

And then to Kyle's point, if you have poop in your butt, why would you sit in the water? Yeah, the bathtub's the last thing you want to be in. That's the last thing you should do. You should hose yourself off. Yeah, you should be like, get the hose. We're going to the driveway. So you're just sitting in poopy should hose yourself off. Yeah, you should be like, get the hose. We're going to the driveway. So you're just sitting in poopy water. Spray my ass.

Yeah, spray my ass. To be honest, after I got in the car, it is a little bit fuzzy. But yeah, I cleaned myself off as best possible in that situation. What did you do? Did you just left the poop next to your car? Yeah, I actually got cleaned off and I went back and I told the story. I was like, because I had to face the music. No, you went back to the scene of the crime.

I did. Wait, wait. You told the story to who? I was with friends from high school and I was like, I have to go. Like, I have to shit immediately. And you went back to face the crime? You went back? And then I was like, guys, I just shit my pants.

Yes. Wait, did you show them the shit when you went back? It was like a parking. It was not as close to the court as. What music did you have to face? You just go back, pick up the turd, and never tell a soul about that. Pick it up. Yes.

Yes, dude. Are you kidding? No, dude. You should clean up your own turd in the parking lot. Yeah, we pick up after dogs. We pick up after dogs all the time. Why wouldn't we pick up after ourselves shitting on the streets? I mean, it's natural, but that...

No, that's not. Shitting a human being shitting on the street? It is natural. Like, it's obviously not intentional, but it is a natural act. It's not, like, biodegradable. No, that's not natural. Is it not? It is. We have toilet. Oh, yeah. Rain's not like biodegradable. No, that's not natural. Is it not? It is.

We have to spoil it. Yeah. Rain's going to wash that thing out. Yeah, I guess it is. So Che, you rolled back up to the basketball court. Did you play more basketball after your bath? No. So you just went back to tell him you shit and then left again?

Hey guys, I just shit over here. Hey guys, watch out. There's man shit. That's crazy. Che, none of this is adding up at all What did your friends say? They're in the middle of a basketball game You're like, guys, guys, guys, time out, time out

Guys, guys, guys Now that we have a break in action Just real quick, I shit over there You were playing basketball wearing boxers and shorts And then what did they do? Because if they did anything other than like What the fuck, man, we're playing basketball here i think they was what are they i mean this is like your friends what's up can we call any of these friends do you remember we we've fallen out of touch but

hey guys there's a penis size shit here Who shit out this huge dick? Where did this black cock come from? I can't believe you went. Each part of the story is more ridiculous. Like the bathtub was ridiculous. Then being like after the bathtub, I went back and told my friends. I had to face the music. You have to face the music, obviously. Imagine of all the lobsters in the sea, you're the one that falls out of Stephen King's ass.

Parking lot turn. In New Jersey. The things that don't add up. No emergency log. lobsters in the sea you're the one that falls out of stephen parkin lot in new jersey the things that don't add up uh no emergency log it's all emergency shits shitting yourself is always diarrhea always two you can't shit without knowing you just can't yeah it's strenuous you and then what's the least strenuous poop of my life brother and then the thing is afterwards you don't have to shit anymore I mean I had a queasy feeling and I was getting into the car I mean this is what happened I

certainly wish it didn't happen it was a true story I believe it because you I know he doesn't have the ability to he doesn't have the ability to lie Brandon what do you think detail is insane. He doesn't have the ability to lie. Brandon,

what do you think? I don't. You can't shit. You can't be surprised by your shit. You can't. Agreed. Try having some really old lobster. No, no, no.

There's never been a scenario where you ever look down on the ground and you wonder, did I shit that out? Please, Tommy, that's not mine. Steven, stop saying the word chili. It doesn't work. It doesn't matter at all. But it also doesn't work in a pants shitting situation.

You're saying the word chili over and over. Just say cold. The context implies this is a cold winter a cold autumn day hey brandon how you doing good how are you guys you feeling better oh no you sound better thank you are you gonna tell him oh yeah cm punk was here today oh yeah whoops oh no yep brandon wasn't shit brandon yep the wrestler yeah yep fell out of chay's ass now this was not a move that i was doing to intentionally hurt brandon he texted me at 9 45 this morning he said can i stop by what would what should i have done

there brandon should i have texted you? Not till Brandon's healthy. Gotten him sick? No, your hands were tied. I didn't realize he didn't text you until 945. Yeah, I sent the Texas proof to Brandon. But if he texted you last night, I would have had a point, but he didn't. No, he did not. He had texted me on Sunday being like,

I might be able to stop by at some point this week. And then the next text was 945 this morning. Also, if I'd gotten him sick and then he missed WrestleMania. He's already missing WrestleMania. Anyway, if I'd gotten him sick, that would have sucked. Yeah. Yeah. You did say to me, Brandon, if you would have known he was coming in, you would have come in.

I would have tried and then my wife wouldn't let me. I haven't even been allowed to go up the stairs yet. Okay. What do you mean you haven even been allowed to go up the stairs yet. Okay. What do you mean you haven't been allowed to go up the stairs? I mean, I haven't been allowed to go up the stairs. They bring me my food. I'm nothing but plates down here, plates and blankets. That's all I got.

That's my whole fucking life now. Plates and blankets. And you got your antiques. Has anyone come down and visited you? Tommy comes occasionally. You're in prison. Is this like a Tom Hanks thing? Is Brandon part of the Illuminati?

P. Diddy? I think so. And now all of a sudden he's under house arrest? Oh, shit. Tommy! Whoa. Tommy! Tommy!

I like how he says that. Oh, man, Brandon. Well, we miss you a lot. I'm sure sure but thank you what question do you want me to ask CM Punk when I record with him after this no you're not are you yeah we're doing like a mostly sports

thing yeah well it's Nick right yeah yeah do you want me to ask him anything in particular he said he's down for anything he has to leave by 7am tomorrow what up hey buddy there he is hey tommy hey tommy yes yeah hi what's up tommy what's up tommy how you doing good we got to get you to come in sometime and hang out we can step out into the camera there he is you want to come hang out sometime

yeah fuck yes what are we watching on youtube lately not really watching youtube no you gaming no mainly watching old disney stuff tommy i'm gonna say. You look strong right now, dude. Thank you. You're welcome. He does. He looks strong. You look a lot stronger than your dad who can't handle four days of college basketball.

All right, just relax. I'm built for this shit. Don't swear in front of the boy. Bye. See you. Bye, Tommy. See you, Tommy. I can't follow him. I can't go upstairs.

You're not allowed to go upstairs he did not want to be down there with you no he did not it's very clear yeah he doesn't want to get sick all right so you're gonna come back tomorrow or no i'll be back i'll be back tomorrow i'll be back for opening day okay great undertaker's gonna be here tomorrow no he's not you don't know that you don't know that i do know that i know i know whether he'll be here or not tomorrow you don't will he be there no okay yeah opening day tomorrow mostly sports nine o'clock all right okay just just plugging stuff now yeah yeah we're on the yak. He's also opened half the shit. Oh, you guys are opening boxes?

Yeah. It's opening day. Got it. See ya. I'm gonna go. See ya, Brandon. Thanks, bye. CM Punk sat in your seat.

No, he didn't. Mostly sports. No, he didn't. No, he didn't no he didn't yeah mostly sports yeah no because no he didn't he did not no good ass shine to it he sat in your seat no no yeah i mean i did feel bad but he texted me at 9 45 i don't know what should i have been like hey brandon's not here very funny moment we were recording the dozen i don't think i'm spoiling anything we were playing the experts and uh so i'm playing brandon you bring in cm punk into our studio and i just picked up my laptop and turned it around and brandon lost his mind yeah and cm punk uh very funny how he handled it i'll just leave it at that. So watch the dozen match to see Brandon's in real-time reaction to realizing he missed CM Punk.

Who won the game? Damn. Yeah, so. Oh, shit. We got a lot of ads today. Oh, yeah? I really did almost answer it. Really?

I had it loaded. How did you answer it? By the way, opening day is tomorrow. Game time. Yep. Go right now. Opening day for the Cubs at home is tomorrow. Game time. Yep. Go right now. Opening day for the Cubs at home is on Monday. Mm-hmm.

Titus and I will be there. Hell yeah. As you know, you can get tickets to Cubs opening day right now for only $49. That's right. With Game Time, the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. You shouldn't have to worry when you buy tickets to your next big event. Game Time is a fast and easy way to buy tickets to all sports, music, comedy, and theater events near you. They have flash deals for sudden discounts zone deals when you're feeling flexible

and their lowest price guarantee means that if you find the same seats for less anywhere else game time will credit you 110 of the difference game time is the best place for last minute seats with up to 60 of your favorite events what are you waiting for i'm gonna buy those cubs tickets now maybe someone else wants to go to opening day for the Cubs at Wrigley Field take the guesswork out of buying tickets with game time download the game time app create an account use code yak for $20 off your first purchase terms apply download the game time app today last minute tickets lowest price guaranteed we got to figure out what we're gonna do for opening day that's right I want to do something fun on tomorrow's show for opening day.

So what are we going to do? Ice cream and a hat. Oof. That's more diarrhea. Yep. I was thinking we should maybe eat some hot dogs. Okay. Oh, yeah.

I don't know how many hot dogs. A ton. A ton? Or a little. A little hot dogs. A ton. A ton? Or a little. A little hot dogs? A ton of hot dogs? What else can we do? Eye black.

Oh. Donut on a bat. Glove. Yeah. Inning. Inning. We could do an inning. Let's do an inning.

Bullpen. Are we doing a draft? We could do a draft. We should just do a, yeah, we could have a draft we should just do a yeah we'd have a full baseball game yeah we just play baseball play um we could print off ingredients on paper and then you have to throw and hit them with a baseball for your draft item oh i like that draft and then that goes on top of anyone have gloves you make a chili for on top of a hot dog the catcher's mitt yeah we have a catcher's mitt oh catchers met? Yeah, we have a catchers met.

Yeah, I want to pick. Do we have a radar gun? Ooh. Yeah, you have to hit a certain speed and then that range of the speed is the ingredient you get. How hard would it be to get a hot dog gun? Hot dog gun? I'd guess impossibly hard. What if we put it

in the... Can we put it in the Yeah, a basketball gun Oh, we could put a hot dog in there, a foot long Yeah Alright, so we're going to do a draft It's going to be inning Inning? We could do day Day?

And then It will be things that go on a hot dog Yeah We'll have Don go on a hot dog. Yeah. We'll have Donnie cook the hot dog. Oh, yeah. And then you add whatever's on it. I like that.

And then blend it. And then. Wait, yeah, that makes sense. And then mold it back into hot dogs. Oh, right. Put it in a case. Oh, he can do that! Wait, can we just buy hot dog cases?

Wait, no! And then put our ingredients inside of the casing? Yeah. And then we can do opening day. Oh my God! We spin a wheel for what opening it goes in your bar. Yeah. A resurrected hot dog. Well, you might not feel it go in.

No chance. Oh my God. You can put anything in a casing. Yeah? Right? Why not? Why couldn't you? I guess you're right.

Yeah, how do you get casing? Is it made of like skin, intestine? I don't know. I don't know. It's edible, so it has to be. Are you talking about the wiener? The hot dog? The wiener.

The casing. The casing. Oh, casing? Yeah. Oh, that about the wiener? The hot dog? The wiener. The casing. Oh, casing? Yeah. Oh, that's what it's called? Yeah. It's like in a plastic bag of food. Yeah.

The meat gets squeezed into it, and then it gets linked off. I don't like to know anything about how hot dogs are made. Yeah. We've been told tongue all our lives, correct? I thought it was pig's asshole. I thought it was cow tongue. I thought it was intestine. I thought it was penis. No. I thought it was cow tongue. I thought it was intestine. I thought it was penis.

No. For a while. It's probably a medicine. What's in a hot dog? No. Not before opening day. Yeah, let's find out what's in a hot dog. Whatever's going on ours is better.

Yeah. You thought it was asshole? I think it's all the undesirable parts of- It's a blade of anything. Yeah, it's like nothing. Yeah, you can't put a hole in something. No, they just cut the asshole out. Some hot dogs are made of- Trimmings. Beef trimmings. Beef trimmings. Beef trimmings. That's all I need to know. Perfect. It's like nothing. Yeah, you can't put a hole in something. No, they just cut the asshole out. Some hot dogs are made of beef.

Beef trimmings. Beef trimmings. Beef trimmings. That's all I need to know. Perfect. That's it. Whatever that is. You also need fillers, preservatives, other official additives.

Preserve just whatever's left over from when they butcher it. Okay. It's just everything else. So probably a little asshole. Probably a little asshole. Probably there's a tiny bit of... Maybe an elbow, maybe. Probably elbow.

Elbow. I hate it when I get elbow. Pigs have elbow. elbow yeah i think they only have knees yeah those are knees not elbows we're talking about pigs well the front i don't think it matters if it's pigs or cows yeah i'm talking about a cow elbow a cow elbow yeah that's a delicacy that's a knee no the front two legs are elbows, the back two are knees. Are they facing different directions? Right? Whoa. World's most expensive cow was sold in Brazil for $4. That thing's pristine.

Holy shit. Those are not elbows. That looks so good. My bad. Is it wearing a head wrap? It's got a scarf on? Or is that skin? I don't think that looks that good.

It doesn't look tasty. No, I certainly wouldn't want to eat it. The milk would be very good. It looks like it was covered in milk. It has udders. Oh, it does. Okay. That hump has to be so good, though. Yeah, right into that. Where's Chef Donnie? We need an answer to this.

Oh, my God. Can you have asshole in... Isn't the hole the absence of the ass Right, yes, you can't have hole Around the asshole You can eat the pucker Hey, are you here? I'm not in right now

Alright, so are you here tomorrow? I won't, no, I'm out for the rest of the week To shoot some stuff Fuck! Ask him if we can just buy hot dog casing Can you buy hot dog casing? I can look into it. I could probably find some.

And we would just stuff it with our... What? Like, casings to, like, make sausage? Yeah, but they're hot dogs. It's opening day. I can look into that. Okay, all right, look into that and let me know. Okay, will do.

All right, bye. There's got to be some hot dog guys in Chicago. I imagine so. That probably... No, actually, I read an article. No, wow. There are no hot dog guys here. Really?

Who broke that news? Whistleblower, man. That makes no sense. There was a leak. All right, so we'll do a draft, draft and then we got to figure out how to make the hot dogs i think we just got to grind up our shit and put it in the casing then grill it yeah do we put hot dogs in the ground up shit too hot dog could be an ingredient yeah like that's the base ingredient is hot dog no oh maybe it's gonna grind it with everything else

yeah right we need but i'm afraid it would just taste like hot dog man yeah you're probably right No. Oh. Maybe. Although you grind it with everything else. Yeah, right. But I'm afraid it would just taste like hot dog then. Yeah, you're probably right. But we do need some sort of binding agent. Yeah. Everyone's going to need a meat of some sort or some sort of like, maybe just put all liquids in the casing. Yeah, it's not going to work.

Right. You need to be a paste. You need a paste. You need something to absorb the liquid. Also, can the condiments be put on from up there? You hold your hot dog down here. Oh, yeah. We can work that out.

Long distance condiments. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I think that was a given. Okay. Also, can we have a hot dog guy once we make them hot dogs? And then we have to pass them down like opening day. Yeah, fuck it.

How many docy do it? Yeah. How much though this is going to, without Chef Donnie, kind of throws a wrinkle in this because then we're going to have to cook our own hot dogs and make our own hot dogs. I don't like that. We need a cooker. We could have Mincy cook the hot dogs. No, let's have that done right at least because then

we're just going to get char. Everything's going to be burnt. There's no hot dog guys here though. Would you want to integrate burnt. There's no hot dog guys here, though. Would you want to integrate peanuts into this and just do, like, peanuts? What? Peanuts and shells at a baseball game? Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

That could be a – The ideas are flowing, boy. Remember when I taught you last year that you could actually eat the shells? How about peanuts? We're cooking right now. Yeah. You didn't know that until last year. I thought you could do it with just boiled peanuts, but yeah, I didn't think you did it right. You can eat the shells.

Tasty. I like them. Yeah. Oh, I love eating peanuts. Just raw dogging the whole thing. Best. Yeah. For the seventh inning stretch tomorrow, I'd like to get splatled.

That would make sense. That would make perfect sense. I still got to learn it. You do? I don't know it. We're going to have some merch concepts by Friday if we want to look through those and pick out the gayest. Are you making any?

I'm working on it, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. All right, should we do a draft or maybe we do a Zaz Wild? Hot opening day Zaz Wild. I like that. That could be interesting. All the games could be opening themed. Yeah. And while Zaz is doing it, we as That could be interesting. All the games could be opening themed. Yeah.

And while Zaz doing it, we as a show have to eat 27 hot dogs. 27? Yeah. We could do that. Yeah. That's pretty easy. Yeah, we could do that. We could eat two. And we could have Mincy cook the hot dogs for us. No. I think we have to let him. I think we have to let him.

I see. I understand your concern, but unfortunately, there's nothing we can do. Let's get him in a full jersey cooking hot dogs. Okay. Like baseball pants? Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. Cleats.

Okay. Everything. I want him click clacking around. I can't picture him in cleats. Yeah, I want him click clacking around. Metal cleats. And we'll just have him cook, and he can cook the hot dogs, and we all have to eat. Yeah, because what? There's six of us in here, seven of us in here with Brandon back. And we'll just have him cook And he can cook the hot dogs and we all have to eat Yeah cause what there's

Six of us in here Seven of us in here with Brandon back And then Zaw won't have to do it cause he's getting Zaw out So we each have to eat three hot dogs That's really easy I don't know if I like that ease So maybe then it has to be 54 outs cause that's a full game Let's do a full game

Okay So six hot dogs each That's no problem. Or we could just spin a wheel and if it lands on you, you get that hot dog. I love that. So someone might have to eat like ten hot dogs. Yeah. That's it.

I'm in. So we just like as soon as the hot dog is done, spin it. Spin again. Next one. And we'll have 54 or 27. Let's not be pussies here. 54. 54. Oh my God. So if someone gets fucked

and the show can't end until we eat all the hot dogs. We have to eat all the hot dogs. Yeah. Maybe you could get out of eating one by doing something. Yeah. Maybe like pinch hitters.

Pinch dogs. Yeah. That is... You gotta get pinched. Do we have any crabs or what other? Let's get a lobster. Let's get a lobster. Steven, you know a lobster guy? Your dad?

Those were not up to code, I don't believe. Not up to code. A lobster might chop something off. A crawfish will just dangle off your nipple. It'll hurt, but you can... Well, you know what else pinches you?

A mousetrap. Oh, a mousetrap. You know what we'll do, though? 54 hot dogs. We'll put Mincy on the wheel as well, so there's 10 of us. I like that. Yeah. So he'll have to eat the ones that he's cooking.

All right, so 54 hot dogs will make a Zaz wild. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. And when the show's not over until we eat 54 hot dogs as a show. Easy. Easy Easy Yeah 10 of us Opening day

Opening day We all have to eat 5.4 hot dogs Or someone might end up having to eat 20 Yeah What a fucking Yeah I do think There has to be a mechanism to Like if you've eaten 19

And then the wheel hits you And you just can't do it Is there a mechanism Where you just you just can't do it, is there a mechanism where we just sit there and we let that person? It's kind of greedy on their end. Yeah. If you want to get that 20 times. Okay. All right.

I mean, what are the odds? Should we all wear baseball uniforms? Yes. Yeah. Have a jersey. No pants. Yeah, we should go get pants somewhere. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, we should probably dress up in baseball stuff. Yeah. Zah, are you ready for a Zah's Wild? I'm ready for anything, my brother. What'd you say? It'll be baseball themed. Yeah, I'm ready for anything, my bro.

Are you cool to get wasted? Yeah, I'm down for anything. Fuck yeah. I, of course, know what a Zah's Wild is, but we have a lot of new audience members that are tuning into the Yak. Just for their clarification. It was a game called KB's Wild at first. I think it still is. It is KB's Wild.

Zah is just the one. You did a KB's Wild. Who did you do for the first KB's Wild? I believe it was Zah. Okay. And then we spun a wheel of who had to do the next one, and I had to make one for Zah. Then you made one for Zah.

Then you made the rest. You made it your thing. KB's Wild's my thing. Yes. Okay. That's what happened. Yeah, of course. Okay thing. Yes. Okay. That's what happened. That's, yeah, of course. Okay, I got it now.

There's a wheel. Give me some examples. What was on the wheel? The Rube Goldberg was on the wheel. Okay, that's right. It was like a bakery. A long chew. I loved his blind taste test.

It's like a live action board game. Challenges Forza. Yeah. Okay. Where he just has different challenges that will be akin to opening day, and we'll just go through that. You know what we could do, too, is we could throw on the Zod's wild wheel, like give someone

else a hot dog. No, we don't have to be pussies. I take that back. 54 hot dogs is not hot. I'm tired of the pussification of the yak. Yeah. Great point. 54 hot dogs is nothing.

We got dicks falling out of our butts. Biggots. Falling apart. Steven, I don't think Steven fully understands how crazy that story is. I hope he doesn't think I believe that story for a second. I believe it at all. And none of the elements. I don't even think you played basketball with your kids.

Yeah, you're playing well. I had a good game going on. He has my shit. He's like, I'm playing i remember i was playing really well what were you wearing i was wearing a hofstra uh t-shirt and hofstra shorts actually oh yeah but you don't remember any details it's fuzzy after it's fuzzy after the shit once you shit your pants kind of you're in scramble mode That's fair

I apologize for not remembering vivid details from 15 years ago But you do remember 15 years ago That's the confusing part Pre-shitting my pants Once I shit my pants We were in panic mode Why then?

It should be before Because there was poop on the ground You should have felt a very agonizing sensation that I'm about to shit. I have to shit soon. And then it went away magically. Don't act like that hasn't happened to anyone here. No. No, it has not.

No. I've never. If you have to shit really bad, you either shit or fart, and then it goes away. I'm trying to remember the last time I shit and I didn't know I shit. I was probably two years old. That was probably like what age? You probably knew. I probably even knew.

Yeah. Oh, my kids know when they shit. They know when they shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like when? It's never happened in my life that you shit. Your stomach can just go numb.

Okay. Because it was chilly? Your rectum was numb I guess there's a lot of factors at play old lobster cold out old lobster frigid temperatures what if it's cold your asshole

it just becomes like vacuum sealed well a lot of people shit in Barnes and Nobles and stuff because it's cold like cold stores that's like a thing you can google it it's like cold stores. That's like a thing. That is a thing. I swear to God. You can Google it.

It's like people get diarrhea in colder stores and Barnes and Nobles like notorious for it. People sometimes like the first 10 steps they take in there, they're like shitting their pants. Yes. It's weird, but that is a thing. I don't know why. Thank you, Kate. You're welcome. Oh, TJ can't eat hot dogs.

I can't eat until 3 p.m. What, are you doing intermittent fasting now? I've been doing that the whole time. Oh. Maybe it's just bookstores and not the cafeteria. We'll just have to find a designated hot dog eater. Sunflower seeds. Mm-hmm.

Red man. Why is spaghetti trending? Spaghetti's trending? Did it it get canceled did it do something fuck was it with diddy i ate spaghetti last night there's a picture of diddy and spaghetti and it's like i guess it's like i guess we can't stand next to epstein implicated spaghetti done uh by the way draft king's a thrill and excitement of march Mania is here. DraftKings Sportsbook, one of America's top-rated sportsbook apps, is giving new customers a shot to turn $5 into $150

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Sportsbook with code YAK. The crown is yours. What is in it today, Steven? Three-legger, we got Jabari Smith Jr. over 8.5 forwards. Tyrese Halliburton over 10.5 assists against the Bulls. And then we got Jokic. That's a lot of assists. I mean, he averages over 11.

And then Jokic over 7.5 assists net cap. That's a lot of assists. 7.5 for Jokic? Let's see the, no, in general, like your whole thing. Oh, here's Stephen Chase's stupid face. Okay. I'm betting it. All right, let's go.

I don't like it, but I'm betting it. So, yeah, we'll just have to have a designated hitter for TJ okay maybe we put two designated hitters on the wheel that'd be good yeah that's a perfect yeah then it could just be whenever it happens we just get someone else yeah what up Jerry uh Jerry let's have Jerry do the the gauntlet today so that we have someone different but so Jerry you're gonna do the gauntlet today so that we have someone different but so jerry you're gonna do the gauntlet today but before you do that you you had an idea that you tweeted out first of all congrats on getting that guy a foot job that was a legend did he send you any pictures no i don't want any pictures but we came up with a thing it's like you know like when you're younger and you're like talking to your buddies and you're like dude this girl just gave me the best blowjob ever.

Or I got a blowjob last night from this girl. Instead of it, if you get a foot job, it's like, dude, I got the best Jerry job last night. Oh, I like it. Got a Jerry job. A Jerry job. But again, the foot thing is not sexual. No. Right.

A Jerry job. Yeah. No. What's the idea that you had? You said you were afraid to talk I don't really want to say it I don't want somebody to steal it No one steal this

As soon as you say it, it becomes your intellectual property You could sue Steven, you want to start setting up the gauntlet? Jerry's going to run in a second You guys know Uber, right? Who's that? It's not Boober, is it? No, totally different What's Boober Uber It's not Boober is it? No Totally different

What's Boober? That's fucking genius That has to exist What is it? Somebody drives to you and flashes you Does Boober exist? They drive past you and flashes you I mean that might be a better idea than mine

Is it illegal to drive without a top on? No Uber Maybe? I think it is For a female I think it is If she's breastfeeding, you're allowed to. While you're driving.

It's Uber breastfeeding women. Yeah, breastfeeding and driving. So the baby's going to be in the front seat breastfeeding? Boober. It has to exist. Oh, Boober's Women on Demand. Their disgraced CEO used to say it, I guess. Oh.

Former CEO. Oh, that's kind of a funny office joke. Mm-hmm. If you're a man. But I think you just came up with the best idea. Yeah, that's not my idea. That was a good idea. What do you got?

So you know Uber. You're at a certain location. This is actually how every bad idea starts, by the way. Why? Being like, so Uber. Can I just get to Uber? Yeah. You're going to...

Listen, at the end of it, you're going to be like, this is incredible. I won't think it's better than Boober. I don't think it is. I already don't think it's better than Boober. Okay. But you know Uber. You're in a location, set location. You reserve the ride.

Somebody comes, picks you up, brings you to the destination. There's a fee for that, correct? Yeah. Okay, cool. I want to start off by saying this. 91% of people who work out, work out alone. Is this a real stat? I did some research.

Okay. Not the best research. I did research, though. Okay. 23,000 people a year get severely injured. 50% of people do get injured going to a gym, whether that's muscle, stuff like that. Okay.

So my goal is to stop all that. Now, I'm not no gym rat, but I know a lot of gym rats. Think about this. Spotter. It's an app on the phone, and you can pick who you want, and it's kind of like an Uber. Your location, what gym you go to, you scroll through the want, and it's kind of like an Uber. Your location, what gym you go to,

you scroll through the app, and it's like, okay, I'm going to pick this guy. He's going to come, and he's going to be your spotter for the duration of the gym. He's going to rack your weights, help you out so you don't tear nothing, don't get injured. It's like a Tinder. It's like a personal trainer, but...

Personal trainer. Sure. Well, no. No, it's different than personal training. What would you say about a personal trainer sure well no it's different what would you say about a personal trainer personal trainer is so much money right how much is this cost? 10 bucks and they have to just sit there and watch you work out? yeah to help you out you know rack your weights get you some water

stretch you out do you think someone would be willing to do that for 10 dollars? 20 bucks yeah maybe they're getting a workout stretch you out? Do you think someone would be willing to do that for $10? $20. Maybe they're getting a workout too at the same time, so they're getting paid to work out. And you're not working out alone. It is a dilemma. I can't do the bench. Have you ever been on an Uber ride?

Everybody's going to say no. Have you ever been on an Uber ride and you're like, that guy was great, that just drove me? Yeah. Why not do that with the spotter? You can book this guy again. Where do the boobs come in? Could he teach you techniques as well?

Lady spotter. If he wants to, yes. Could he fuck your wife? And there's no requirements either to be a spotter. What if- None? There should be. There should be a weight requirement.

If Clemmer's a spotter, you're in trouble. Okay, there's some requirement. So they should be in pretty good shape, I would think. Yeah, they should pretty much live at the gym. And they should have knowledge of the exercises. They should... Even to get them in the doors of the gym, you could have the gym pay a little bit of them, too.

Well, I was thinking... Yeah. Yeah, well, I was thinking about doing a 50-50 split. Yeah. 50 to the app, me. 50 to the guy doing the spot. So now they're only making $5. Well, I mean, prices, we can

figure out the price. You know? I mean, it's all like, I don't know, what's an average? Maybe it should be more, honestly. An hour of somebody's time, what? They could motivate you, too. There's only a few exercises that you need a spotter though,

so maybe it's just a real quick thing. True. What do you need? Bench? Squat? Bench, maybe squat. Maybe it could be a 10-minute thing, 15 minutes, whatever. Not even.

It's not really going to depend on what? Come, just for bench. And instead of waiting for an Uber, you could time it before you even get to the gym so they're already there exactly yeah set appointments yeah exactly and they're at the gym yeah they have great knowledge they could just be waiting at the gym they're in like a buzz like yeah over here yeah what about a button for a jerry job after you're done you could talk about that in the app that's an up upcharge. It's like Uber Black.

Right? Yeah. I feel like you don't like the idea. No, I don't like the idea. It's a personal trainer. Could those spotters, are they oil just to you, or can they do a bunch of different clients? I mean, they could.

Okay. It doesn't have to be one singular person. Yeah, this is a personal trainer. Yeah, no, you invented a personal trainer for significantly cheaper than what a personal trainer costs. All right, I had another idea. Okay. I was thinking about ideas all night last night.

You're just thinking about ideas? Yep. Wow. Picture. New York City. Chicago. Big cities. L.A.

Parking's hard. Figure out a way I don't want to say this because somebody's going to steal it figure out a way to reserve a spot spot hero what's that

that's exactly what you said you know exactly what it is now spot hero you can be like I'm going to go here. I need a reserve apartment. I use it all the time. It's great.

Damn, Jerry. Spot Hero. You've invented. You're a damn good salesman. Yeah. You're amped up. And I'll tell you this, Jerry. You actually do that. Yeah, no.

We know. You do have good ideas because you invented Personal Trainer and Spot Hero, both very lucrative Yeah But I don't look at the spotter as being like a personal trainer though What if some other guy's in the gym And he's like hey I would have done that for free Were you just thinking of things that could be spots?

Because you did spotter And parking spots I did What was the other thing? I think they correlated with each other Like spot And then I was like You started with the word spot I didn't start with the word thing? I think they correlated with each other, like spot. And then I was like. You started with the word spot.

I didn't start with the word spot. I was just thinking of Uber. I started with Uber. I was like, what's the next great thing? Right. But I don't look at the spotter as being a. You're right, dude. Every idea is Uber.

Spot. Uber. Uber. But for this. Something else. Yeah. Every TV show idea is like, what if we did Seinfeld? Yeah. I don't want you to get discouraged because you're on the right track. I else. Yeah. Every TV show idea is like, what if we did Seinfeld? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't want you to get discouraged because you're on the right track. I am. I'll figure something out. Keep going for it. It's the only way to make it. I like the idea of like a dating app of sorts, but to find gym buddies in your area. If you're new to the area, you don't have friends and you want to go to the gym, but

not alone. Yeah. Like you can be like, I'm looking for, I'm a hardo or I'm seeking somebody who's like kind of new. Somebody who works really hard with you. Yeah. A grinder. What about this? I really hard with you. A grinder. What about this?

Try an app called Grindr. Like, you know, it's hard to find a spot for a nice dinner. What if there was an app that we could reserve like where you want to go to dinner? I mean, I know I use that app. What app is that? Rezzy. Oh, shit.

Alright, well, I'm all out. I got one. That was it. That was all your- Oh, hold on. I got one for you. Dating app for within the gym. It's only people at the Equinox.

It's only people at Planet Fitness. So now you know if you can go up and hit on them. That's a good idea. Not bad. That would be popular to have a just a- Yeah. Me and my roommates almost like- A list.

Got involved. involved they are yeah i think it should be like fogo to chow the green your coaster's green or red and if it's flipped green come on like what wow you ever go to fogo to chow if you want more meats they just walk around with trays of meats and if you want more you flip your coaster green and they start and if you like hold up on the so women at the gym should say if they want meat, they flip it. Exactly, yes. They're not in the mood.

Well, don't they just do that by what they're wearing? Yes, you're right, you're right. They do ask for it, yes, yes. I think Boober was, I think Boober. I think like a door dash for titties. You go, you pay, and they come and lash you, and they leave. That's awesome. That is, I guess it's not prostitution.

No, no touching. No touching. You should get to look at titties. Is prostitution only touching? You sure about that? Wait. Yeah, that would just be strippers, right? I guess you're right.

Can I ask one more thing? Any updates on the ice cream truck? No, I'm dead. It's over. I had too many allegations. I was so hopeful for that. Too many allegations? Too many allegations? People think, oh, that. Too many allegations? Too many allegations.

People think, oh, you're using this to get closer to kids. Like, what, dude? Well, you can see how that would make sense. Dude, just trying to make a buck? Allegations are different than Twitter and chat, Jared. Speaking of allegations, what do you think is going on with P. Diddy? Oh, I know everything. Yeah?

I don't know everything, but Jay-Z's next. Jay-Z's next Beyonce Bieber Howard Stern really Prince of the place William yep he's done he's done oh you taking everyone down you think that girl that was off that was all AI what you seen at that video which one the cancer video Oh the key yeah her ring disappears under bed yeah So you think the boat Heading the bridge Had anything to do with Diddy

I am not going to comment anymore Okay I shouldn't comment on that Why He'd be in danger People lost their lives I know It's very sad

Yeah but I do feel like something And I've been on a TikTok hole For weeks now Something major is coming yeah jerry thinks that we're all not going to be able to use banks come the election yeah i think election time is when something major is going to be like a covid but not like a disease it's going to be like well i can't access my money why can't you access my banks shut down everything's shut down

they're going to have to put a chip in you For what? I didn't get too far in the video Okay But they're gonna push a chip inside of you To put a chip in you Got it Che, how many chips are you gonna get?

Awful He was But did he show Did anybody He wasn't even on the jet. Did you know that? No, it was just his documents probably. They flew.

They took all the shit with them. Then they told the people land. They landed. Diddy wasn't on the plane. So where's Diddy? Miami. Where? Miami. He was at the airport last they saw him. Why isn't he locked up? Because I don't think they can charge him yet

You ever heard of Candace Owens? Yeah Yeah Look into that Okay The woman? This is all a cover up For who?

Don't tell me Joe Just wait. You'll see. He'll come out. Okay, all right. He'll come out. All right. Did you see his drug mule who got arrested? John Rich tweeted his highlight tape.

Yeah. He's a really talented athlete. Yeah. Yeah. And you see the security guy for Denny? Yeah. What about it? The kid was 21 years old who at 21 or 22 was michael jackson's

personal head of security for michael jackson at 21 but he's 21 now no not anymore at 21 he was the head security for michael jackson i think that's a how do you get headed security at 21? You don't Yeah you don't Emphasis on head Michael Jackson P. Diddy Epstein All the same people

Different people but Same interests Just gotta look deeper I know Are you ready to do the gauntlet? Yeah Same time. Same interests. Just got to look deeper. I know. Are you ready to do the gauntlet? Yeah. All right. After that heavy talk.

Good segue. Let's have a little fun. Yeah, let's do the gauntlet. Oh, he's going to do it with the coat on. Whiffleball. Whiffleball, wiffle ball football basketball yeah have you done this before it was

it was my time uh 460 4 minutes 6 seconds and 55 or no 4 minutes and 6 seconds the timer

that's a decent time you can beat it uh yak gauntlet brought to you by Long John Silver's it's fried fish season enjoy wild caught Alaska

pollock hand battered and fried to perfection at Long John Silver's. It's fried fish season. Enjoy wild caught Alaska Pollock hand battered and fried to perfection at Long John Silver's. We have more than fish. This February 14th through March 31st. Indulge in our $10 shrimp sea shares. Perfect for sharing with loved ones or savor our $6 shrimp baskets, popcorn

shrimp, grilled shrimp, or battered dipped shrimp. Craving even more shrimp? Up shrimp upgraded jumbo shrimp for a limited time order ahead and skip the wait by ordering on online at ljsilvers.com and pick up in the restaurant get extra perks and discounts when you sign up at ljsilvers.com offer valid at participating restaurants and discounts not valid for delivery orders the thing about jerry is like he probably is going to end up being right about some of this stuff.

Yeah. How. And that's when he becomes dangerous. Right. He gets all his news from tick tock. But something about it. He's doing the tough work. Yeah.

He thinks the banks are all going to fail. So we should get out our cash? Yeah, I guess so. You have all your cash? Everything? Don't say that. Jerry, you want to take off your coat? No, I like the look.

Yeah, you do. It does look strong. You kind of look like P. Diddy. Well, you don't want to fast, right? What's your fast? I didn't eat food for two days. And then I had a salad yesterday. One meal and a salad today.

And then I'm going to do another double 48-hour fast. How do you feel after that? I feel better than I've ever felt. Really? Yep. Interesting. This ain't going to be no long-term thing. I'm sure I'll fall off the wagon again.

But for now, I feel good., but for now, you feel good. Yeah, for today, you feel good. That's all that matters. Were they calling you Jerry Diddy last night? Yep. Oh, no. Jerry Diddy. They were calling me, they were using P Defile and J Defile.

Oh, J Defile. J Defile. J Defile. P Defile. The stream last night was so funny with the stream snipers. Yeah. Just random people joining just to hold Jerry back and fall, guys. Alright, are we ready, TJ?

Yep. Alright, here we go. Tell me when. 3, 2, 1, go! Oh, new board! New board! Handbags! Jerry, you gotta move. Gotta move. And bags. Jerry, you got to move.

Got to move. There you go. There it is. Oh, he's fast. Oh. Oh, I am. Oh. Oh.

Oh, no, no. No, I don't think that went in. Oh, I thought that went in. That's it. Definitely. I don't think that went in. Oh. Ew.

There's one more. Oh. Oh. Oh, I thought that went in. That's it. Definitely. I don't think that went in. Oh! Ew. There's one more. Oh! Oh! Oh, he tried to head hurt. Oh, no. He tried to head hurt. I think he was wrong. Oh, no.

He stopped him again. Oh, he's flustered. Turn around. Turn around, Jerry. Jerry, turn around. He's going to... There's a goal. Oh, nice.

Yeah, I think that first one hit the top and went straight down. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Uh-oh. How did he do last time? Four minutes and six seconds. Scott. Che is the worst guy to follow along.

It's crazy. He doesn't do anything. He also still doesn't realize that he's wearing a pirate hat for an hour. Yeah. He stays as far away as possible. He stays so far away from the camera. No. You got to hit it directly.

Got to do a rugby throw. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Because I went 10 for 10. Right. Yeah. Jerry's DM to Brianna Cracked me the phone Oh my god

We'll show it after this There it is The song's so good There's something about it It's very pleasant Thanks Teej Come on Jer This one's good too Thanks, Teej. Come on, Jer.

This one's good, too. Immediate good mood. Makes me think pirates were jolly. Yeah, yeah. They'd rape all of us in a heartbeat. Get in here. Good pace. Right here, right here, right here, right here. Nine U.S. states have three bordering states. Eight NFL

players to rush for over. Talk in the mic. Talk in the mic. Kane Corso. C.A.N.E. Eight NFL players to rush for over 2,000 yards in one season. Adrian Peterson. Who's spelling uh that's just one down what's that say seven what abraham lincoln

george washington wait who's doing this abraham lincoln george washington um seven harriet tubman George Washington. Harriet Tubman. Is she? No. Well, they said they were going to put her on the 20. Oh. Who's on the 20? Andrew Jackson. There you go.

Trump should be, but whatever. I'm out. Five largest dog breeds? Cane Corso. Pitbull? That's not it. Husky. Three current Bravo shows based on a shared seasonal... I don't watch it.

I don't watch it. Think of more running backs. Three US states to have three bordering states? Texas. No. No. Arizona. No. Chicago.

No. Sorry. Chicago. Chicago has three boards. You said Chicago. Illinois. No. Three current Bravo shows.

I don't watch Bravo. Did you see the movie Ten Things I Hate About You? No. Three separate what? Eight bands featuring Jack White, including Solo Act. I don't do bands. Including Solo Act. He doesn't do bands.

It'd just be him. U.S. states have three boarding. Fire off states. What's just be him. U.S. states to have three boarding. Fire off states. What's in the middle? Utah. No. That's a hard one. It's really hard.

I need something in the middle. Five voice actors from what? We might be getting to Jeff Lowe. No. Nah, he's fine. He might. Belgium. Belgium Mastiff. Jerry, just name random states. Oh, he's fine. Belgium Mastiff.

Jerry, just name random states. Oh, there we go. I would go to the corners to think of states. Oregon. I'm out. Five largest dog breeds. Maybe not. What's Beethoven?

Yeah, think of Beethoven. What's that? Marmaduke. Marmaduke? Yeah, think of Beethoven. What's that? Or Marmaduke. Marmaduke? Yeah, the comic. Or Scooby-Doo. Maybe like with crazy adjectives like great in the name. What's his five name for Japanese what?

One name for Japanese ritualistic suicide by disembowelment my state's word think of three maybe go up to New England and think Massachusetts New Hampshire New Jersey New Hampshire. New Jersey.

There's one. Here we go. Jersey. Rhode Island. Oh. Two more. Rushers. Pennsylvania. New York Think of rushers

What is a rusher? The eight NFL players Think of the best running backs in the world ever Oh man Any of them have the nickname 2K? All of the best running backs Aaron Foster Nope

The best running backs Blank Jim Brown Best running back. Aaron Foster. Nope. The best running back. Blank. Jim Brown. Emmitt Smith. We're at seven. Come on, Jerry. Man, Emmitt Smith, James Brown.

Walter Payton. There we go. Who else? I don't know He never had $100 bill Who's on a $100 bill What about What about

It's all about the What about Lions Jerry Think about the Lions Earl Campbell No Come on Lions Lions

Lions I said his name No you didn't Tennessee Titans Henry Derrick Henry. Who's that comedian with the plastic surgery? There we go.

One more, but I don't know it. Lions. The best running back in the Lions ever. Best running back on the Lions ever. Cover of Madden 25. Deandre Swift. No. Come on, Jerry.

Walter Payton. Yeah. Swift. No. Come on, Jerry. Walter Payton. Yeah. No. No. Come on, Jerry. What number did he wear? 20? Jerry, $100 bill.

Wani. It's all about the... It's all about the money. It's all about the money. Speaking of P. Diddy, it's all about the... His name, his first name rhymes with Carrie.

The running back. Lions. Carrie. Carrie. P. Come on, Jerry. We're approaching nine. Come on, Jerry. Come on, Jerry. We're approaching nine. Come on, Jerry. Come on, Barry. Give me a little Barry. Yeah. Or a rusher who went by.

Barry? Initials and then 2K. Yeah, or 2K. Barry. Do you know the name for the Japanese suicide? Come on, Jerry. Funny story. No, no, Jerry. What a story. No, no, no.

Yeah, go ahead. I had a bit that I used to do. His name was, I have the email still, Barry Banderson. It was close. That's close as hell. That was close. Barry Banderson? Yeah.

It almost rhymes. Bernie Sanders. Barry Sanders. Yay! 9-0-5 We needed Jeff to stay at the worst Alright what are the states That was hard Yeah that's just a guessing game at that point Jamal Lewis did it

Yeah Jamal Lewis did do it Chris Johnson, Eric Dickerson, OJ Simpson I would have never got him Oh St. Bernard Would have never got him. Oh, St. Bernard. Would have never got Terrell Davis. Would have never got Lewis Dickerson. Great Dane, St. Bernard. Tosa Emu?

Never would have guessed that. This ain't a bad time. No, it's a terrible time. This time was four minutes. And this one was nine. Yeah, but this one I was... Show him where he is on the leaderboard. I have to log back into Gmail.

I just got peated. I got all business peated. God damn, Jerry. That was bad. Barry Banderson? I don't know if I can say the bit. Say the bit. Actually, I don't think I can say the bit.

It has to do with gambling. Oh, okay. All right. 905. Yeah, that's not good. Big cat. I beat you blindfolded. Dude, I have a four-minute time on this app.

Yeah, but he's still. Everything's going to happen. He's in business mode right now. Yeah, he's fully business mode. No time for gauntlet. Not my time, and that's what I am. How about that? All right.

All right, Jerry, you'll be back for the special yak taping. He's going to do the high noon basketball challenge. 130. He's in app mode right now. Yeah, that was majestic. He's just thinking about all these business deals. Fuck. What else we got?

Oh, speaking of app mode, do you want to do the rent app? I'm going to take a piss. You want the rent app? Oh, speaking of app mode, do you want to do the rent app? I'm going to take a piss. Rent app? Oh, you're the rent app guy. Uh-huh. Again, I've talked about it plenty of times. It's the ultimate tool for renters everywhere

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Go to rent.app slash barstool to get $50 cash back on your first rent payment. And if you're a landlord, go to rent.app slash landlord to get paid on time and without hassle. Dave offered $10 million to Caitlin Clark to be in the pickup league. Did you see that? No, I did not.

He doubled ice cubes. Yeah. That's very funny. Yeah. The one with Rico? For one year. Yeah, I think. You'd have to do that, right?

Yeah. I saw the WNBA salary of like $760,000. Who's the highest paid WNBA player? There's no way of knowing. There's no way of knowing. There's no reference. It's all under the table. Nobody keeps track of that shit.

Yeah. We don't have that written anywhere. No. Are we about to pay Caitlin Clark? Come on. And my frogs. All his frogs. I got frogs everywhere. I thought you were stopping to dap me up over here. Fuck it, I'm hitting the frogs.

Come on. Are we paying Caitlin Clark? 10 million. How sick would that be? That'd be awesome, yeah. And it would just be to show up once a week to that league and play. Yeah. Rico taking charges is so psycho. Yeah.

Not as psycho as when he fought with ISIS against America, but it's close. Wait. 1-2. 1-2. Ask what you're about to ask, M he fought with isis against america yeah he accidentally correct yeah he accidentally joined the wrong side could happen to anyone oh that's amazing those frogs are cute they were so it's useless now no no no put it back i'll help put them back no i don't

no no no they're fine they. I'll help put him back. No, I don't. No, no. They're fine. They're fine. I like them like this anyway. Oh, no. Why? I like them like this. Rico, take a bus. A hard charge.

The other clip, he took a charge when he could have easily just stolen the ball. I didn't see the other clip. He's going for charges, not for playing defense. Put the frogs back. Now, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. No, it's defense. Put the frogs back. Now, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. No, it's fine. It was just my.

I'm sitting alone over here. All I have is my fucking frogs. Watch this replay. Hold on. Hold on. They zoom in. Ooh, that guy was getting mad. He could have just put his hands up.

Yeah. And played defense. Gets a little scrappy. Aren't there like 90 people on this team? Just put your hands up, Titus. I like how the ref doesn't even acknowledge me. I'm not calling a block to charge anything. Just get your ass up, please.

Stop it, Big Cat. I didn't realize they were playing like just regular other New Yorkers, right? I thought they were it was Barstool versus Barstool but they're like really

in a league. They're in a men's league. No, they're not. They're in a they're in a co-ed league, right? Yeah, Gia. Oh, Gia's on the team now? Gia hit a three.

Why is Tommy doing this? Was he not there? I know he... Was he in the gym? I think he was there. Pretty cute on camera. Rio's taking charges in a co-ed league. Somehow it's even funnier than a men's league.

It's a go ahead and he's taking charges do we know if tommy was there he was he was he rode the bench he didn't play i heard he was uh asking on every possession if he could go into the game and take the ball and he did not play oh that's probably for the he has to suck right yeah yeah yeah my buddy took a charge in his intramural college league, and he broke his elbow. That's embarrassing.

It was in a sling for like two months. Absolutely. Just a wild move. Taking a charge in a... Yeah, that league is... That's like instant fist fight. Yeah. You just can't do that.

Yeah, I don't think i would handle it well if someone's crazy take a charge especially when you could easily just play deep which by the way from the clips i saw in the immediate the immediate viewing of them none of those were charges they were all right right he was undercutting everybody he just likes to do the action of it everyone be like man you're hustling so hard but yeah the fighting with isis was way worse i think you've said that's the craziest thing he's done it's like did you forget the part where he joined isis so much worse was it accidental yeah it was okay the first time i met him was actually in afghanistan yeah and i was like who is that guy over there and that berm? Yeah. It's bad. No, he missed the cutoff to sign up for the U.S. Army.

And he had to get over there somehow. Yeah, he just Googled signing up for Army and he just joined ISIS. Yeah. He got in the back of the first Toyota Tundra he saw. There's a bunch of pictures out there of him doing that. I'm excited for opening day. So what? You and Titus are going?

Yeah. Are you in a suite? I was saying tomorrow I'm excited for. Oh, my season tickets. So anybody with a coin could just come up to the season ticket area? I'm sure they're all. All right. So we'll go Tuesday, Titus.

Yeah, let's go Tuesday. It is going to be kind of cold Monday. It's perfect. I want opening going to be kind of cold Monday. It's perfect. I want opening day to be like overcast, raw, maybe just rained. Yeah. That's the perfect opening. Sweatshirt weather. Yeah.

Poop weather. Yeah. Poop weather. Extra chilly. It would take Che, but we're worried the craziest part about the whole thing is that he's just so unfazed he thinks it's such a normal thing I don't even want to shine any more light on this

blatant lie it's not though it's not a lie I would love if this never happened it is a lie it has to be yeah sure I want to piss him off.

I did fucking shit. I'll do it again. He goes to find an old lobster tonight. Yeah, can we recreate the exact situation you were in? Like we did with Donnie. Eat your old lobster. Put him in the walk-in for a little bit. Play basketball.

Put you in the walk-in. We need a Hofstra. And then you run to us while clenching, and I better see a big dick come out of your ass. A big stinky dick. And that's the only way you can prove it to us. Do we have a tub? These are the giant balloons.

I would kind of prefer you guys believe it wasn't true. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, I want to recreate it. These are the giant balloons. And what's that believe it wasn't true. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, I want to recreate it. These are the giant balloons. And what's that? I don't know. Oh, more giant balloons. Do we have a leaf blower though?

Yeah, Paige is going to get one. I want to put someone in this giant balloon. Yeah. Oh my God. Is it silky or is it rubber? It would be rubber, Mook. Got it. Well, I don't know if it's...

Is it rubber? No, this is pure silk. That's not silk. A silk balloon. It looks like a garment. It's beautiful. Yeah. It's elegant.

Chase condom. Wait, so yeah, so it was a big dick-sized turd, so how big was the turd? I don't know, like a foot? That is indeed a big dick. That is indeed a big dick, Steve. Statistically, that's two big dicks. That's a real story for sure.

You should have two big dicks melded story for sure. You shit out two big dicks. One dick came out of my ass. I didn't know it, unbeknownst to me. Unbeknownst. A footlong turd. Unbeknownst to me. A footlong turd. I don't have to shit anymore, but there's no way that's mine, right?

A footlong turd. A footlong turd. There was a ruler coming out of your ass, so you had no idea. No way. Everyone that shoots it, it's a pretty instantaneous thing. So it's not like I'm like...

Not a foot long turn! You feel every micrometer coming out of your anus. That's like a guy thinking he's straight, but he's getting railed by a man dingo. No, it just plops out. Did it ricochet off the ground? Yeah, it had to have bounced. A footlong turn.

Just looking down and being like, what is that? I see a footlong turn in the parking lot. Chicken bacon ranch. A footlong turn. Unbeknownst to me, it slid out of my ass, down my shorts, and it just plopped. It didn't even touch his leg. It didn't touch my leg. It didn't touch his leg.

There's a little bit of remnants, but we, of course, cleaned that up in the bath that my mother threw for me. Did it break on impact chair, or was it one long? It was long on the ground are you sure you didn't step over a snake there was he just looked at the footlong turd he's like fuck now i gotta go take a bath he almost stepped in dog shit came up's 100% it. That's all that happened. He almost stepped in dog shit. The story is one time I was playing basketball and I walked to my car and I almost stepped in dog shit. End of story. End of story.

That's it. That's the story. No, and then as an adult man, I had my parents draw me a picture. That part I believe. I had to go back and face the music. Oh, man. Steven. That is the most ridiculous thing he's ever said somehow.

It really is. He's said so many ridiculous things, but that whole story. How many foot-long turds have you had since? You know his answer's going to be many. I don't think that's crazy. Not a foot. I mean, like like within that range what's the biggest poop you've ever had

i've clogged some toilets in my day what long term do you have the uh cherry hem to brianna i'm looking for it desperately i think yak oh yak instagram god damn it her answer to steven and i and titus also had one of the most confusing conversations ever yep uh before the show when he was like oh cm punk was here i was like yeah like he's and she was like is he popular and ty's like very popular i was like yeah he his merch like goes like crazy and steven's like does wwe have like merch yeah i was like the billion dollar sports league no you said when he came back or something like that he was the number one selling merch guy on fanatics i said oh i didn't realize fanatics carried his merch is that like official wwe merch because as when i was watching wrestling only the wwe store had it that's it it wasn't really explained that way yeah needed all right well we don't have to

relitigate because i just i didn't make it that far i just kind of yeah zoned out hey hey brianna this jerry i work at parcel with you. I have been asked to contact you from the... Jerry, I know who you are. He was just like... And I asked him, I was like, what happened there? He's like, I don't know. I had to talk to Brianna. I didn't know if she knew who I was.

Fair. Yeah, it is fair. Not really. No, it's not fair at all. Not fair at all. Yeah, they work together. Yeah. Yeah, they definitely... They've been in the same room. Not really. No, it's not fair at all. Not fair at all. Yeah, they work together. Yeah, they definitely. They've been in the same room.

Many times. Yeah. Over 100. Who the fuck is Jersey Jerry? I work with you at Barstool. He definitely was asking for feet pics. You think? What was the...

He said contact from, which threw me off. I don't know. Non-sexual. Jerry Jobs. Right. Non-sexual. Jerry Jobs. Right. Non-sexual. You could just call him Jerry's. He's just replacing the word foot.

Yes. Yeah, like what size is your Jerry? I wear 12. Yeah, Jerry's just... Yeah. I got some nice new Jordans from my Jerry's. Chase it out a Jerry long turd. Don't sprain your Jerry.

Yeah, you're right. Going to a whorehouse and being like, I need a Jerry and a 10. Yeah. Jerry. Yeah, he described something that there's already a term for. And he's like, since there's not a term for this thing, we already have a term for it. Yeah, well, he's like, you know how people say blowjobs?

Yeah. He doesn't do that. This thing needs a term, so since it already has one, what can we do? Blowjobs get talked about all the time. We never – There's no – We don't have a name for a foot job. There's no name for a foot job.

Yeah. So what if we call it a foot job? All right, blowjobs are now mook job. Yeah. You want to replace blow for a foot job. We don't have a name for a foot job. So what if we call it a foot job? All right, blow jobs are now mook job. Yeah. You want to replace blow. Because you give so many of them. Give, get, whatever. Oh, man.

I want Jerry to invent everything that's all right. I want him to pitch things that have been invented every day. Uber 4. Golf courses are so big. I'm going to make them tiny. Take up so much space. Alright, so how many pairs of baseball pants do I need to buy for everyone tomorrow?

I need, yeah. And then we need jerseys too? I have jerseys. I'm wearing a jersey anyway. And then hats with it. And cleats for Mincy. Just for Mincy. Oh, here he comes.

Your phone was in here the whole time? Somebody stole it. Somebody stole it. I had to go back. Wait. Oh, how about an app where, yeah, find your phone. That's a good app. Yeah, maybe like your watch calls your phone.

Yeah. That would be cool. Everything's an app. I'm so shitty. Get Mincy enormous shoes, please. Yes. 17 to 18. Everything's an app. What should be... Get Mincy enormous shoes, please. Yes. 17 to 18.

This is all they had. Give them to him and say, yeah, we wanted to get you your size. This is all they had, unfortunately. How much is an umpire costume? I think we have one. Yeah. I'm sure we do.

All right, you want to spin our wheel? Paige has a leaf blower. Let's blow one of these up But Brandon's so afraid of balloons popping Do we wait for him to come back tomorrow Oh yeah yeah no listen Oh you want to blow it up tomorrow Let's just see what it is

I bought a bunch of it Should one of us get in it We should save it though I'm not very patient Maybe actually You know what Let's do this Tomorrow

On the hot dog wheel We could just put One slice As someone gets in Yep Someone gets in balloons That's a classic opening Wait

We're putting things Into casings Yeah You're turning yourself Into a hot dog Yeah Someone gets in the balloons Yeah

And we'll see if it gets hit Can I feel that Getting Brandon In the balloon And we'll see if it gets hit Can I feel that? Getting Brandon in the balloon would be tough Sure would It will probably be him right? Yeah Alright yeah spin our wheel Jerry Or PJ Jesus Christ

Jerry Thank you Paige I kind of wanted to see it blown up though Real quick No way Jerry. Thank you, Paige. Oh! I kind of wanted to see it blown up, though. Oh! Real quick. Oh! No way. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. Have you ever gotten fart eliminator on the day of diarrhea? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. KB, you pooped yourself a little fart eliminator, right? People say I did because there was a stain. And you saw the turd come out. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I did. I did. I did. I did because there was a stain. And you saw the turd come out. Yeah, I did.

I did. It wasn't a foot long or anything. Maybe for the name wheel, whoever gets it, we should just incorporate it into Zaz Wild tomorrow. Yeah. Let's see what comes up. Oh, look at that!

We're going to get someone in a balloon tomorrow! Perfect. Steven, you need to remind me to bring in the game. Alright, that's fucking rocks. Because I didn't bring in the game. I forgot every single day. We bring in the game. We'll play the balloon game as part of Zaz Wild, and then whoever loses has to get in a balloon.

Yeah. What a day. Fuck yes. What a day tomorrow. This is going to rock. What a show. Oh my god. I can't wait to get someone in a balloon.

It's going to have to be me. Why? It's we're playing the balloon game to get you in the balloon. The only example was a miniature Irish man barely fitting in. He was tiny. I'll do it. But Brandon getting in there would be very funny. Right.

We'd have to cover him with patrol. We'd have to PJ him up. Yeah. Okay, this is going to be great. I would do it today, but we have to tape our special high noon episode. But tomorrow now becomes the most anticipated. It is truly opening day. Yes.

We're going to eat 54 hot dogs. We're going to do a Zaz Wild, and the balloon game will be part of it. Just put that as a slice. That's one of the slices on the wheel. Yeah, it's easy. And that will be perfect because it will give Zaz a little bit of a break. Yeah. If we put Zaz on the balloon, Zah, that would be weird, right?

Nah, I want in Alright, so maybe that's Zah's wild Zah's going to go in a balloon with someone else Not the same balloon, but both of them Two balloons, yeah That's the Zah's wild part How many leaf blowers do we have? One? One, but we'll get one of them in the balloon

And then the other one I hope Brandon gets in the balloon. Yeah. You want to do the High Noon ad read? Sure do. Do it up. High Noon. The High Noon El Prez pack is here featuring the top four High Noon vodka

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Visit HighNoonSpirits.com to find an El Prez pack nearest you. Thank you to High Noon. Wait, pass me the leaf blower. I die. No, you're going to blow over my frog. No, no, I'm not going to

blow over your frogs. I want to blow over the balloon. Now you're going to blow over it. No, I'm not going to blow over it. Don't blow over the frog. Ooh. This thing is slick. Oh.

How do you turn it on? All right, put the thing on now. I actually wasn't going to until he said it. What are you doing, Kyle? We're going to see if this works. You got to hold it up here. Like that? Yeah.

Oh no. Uh oh. Who's gonna fit in there? That's a tough opening. Gotta hold something. Oh. Oh Bigger or oh my god Yeah, I'm like scared Bigger no no no no then you stretch it out right probably probably make it a little bigger Funny ass noise Funny ass noise

Put it on the mic Oh hell yeah Oh Oh Oh, hell yeah. Is it stretched now? Oh, boy. I don't know how we're going to get a man in there. Yeah. It would have to be a really... No chance.

Is that a balloon for men? Yeah. Can you cut the hole bigger? You might have to, right? Amazon said it was like a human-sized balloon. I bet you're going to have to cut the tube at the top. Right here? Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense. And then we'll just wrap. And then we need like some rubber bands. Yeah, we'll do it. And then you just do that over and over. This is going to be a great day. Fuck yeah. I actually got another balloon.

Let me see it. The more the merrier. Let me see it. Is it different merrier. Let me see it. Is it different, the top? I don't know. Well, you got... No, I think this is the one I got. It said human-sized balloon, right?

Not yet. Hmm. Well, this one's a little different feeling. That looks like the one... Oh! Oh! This... Try it, try it.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, try it. Oh, yeah, this is going to be... Wait, I got to hold this stiff for you. Yeah, that's what we bought. There's a hole in it. What's going on? Oh, there we go. Oh!

Woah! Woah! Woah! Oh, I hate this. Duh. A little more. Come back here, Kate. It's not working. Oh no. Did it die?

Uh, listen to the sound. Oh yeah, I wanna hear the sound. Oh no! Hell yeah want to hear the sound. Oh, no. Hell, yeah. Kyle, that ruled. All right. We'll figure it out. Wait.

Let me just clean up real quick. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen people pantsing people with leaf blowers? No. TJ, can you pull up? You just go right above their pants and it shoots their pants down? You could do that to Mincy from across the room.

I think you could probably do that with your mouth. Mincy in a balloon. Alright, so tomorrow, opening day, Hot Dogs, Zaz Wild, balloon. We're going to get Zaz and someone else in this balloon. We've got to figure out exactly how to do this. We'll get it. We're going to get Zahn and someone else in this balloon.

We got to figure out exactly how to do this. We'll get it. We'll figure it out. All right. Thank you, everyone. Please subscribe to the Yak. We'll see everyone tomorrow. It's the act. It's the act. Get your straws, yeah, style a tape for a while.

It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop or do a Yankee swap. It's the act. It's the act. Спасибо.