The Yak - Steven Thinks Busboys Can Make a Million Dollars a Year | The Yak 2-23-23

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello. How many rice krispies did you just eat? I only had one. Were there more? I had three. They were really good. Hello, everyone.

Good what? Some toasted Cheez-Its. Extra toasted. Extra toasted. Yeah. Did I go too? Yeah Man look at us It's the Yak

Ronan Nicker out Mark Titus and Francis are in Hello boys I don't know where Kate is She's filming There she comes She's coming Hello everyone

I think we got like a shit load of stuff we could do today I don't know how much we'll even We have to figure out the Travis competition at some point. Yeah. It's really become... It's just becoming a nightmare. We've played ourselves. Yeah.

Everyone's dropping out. Completely played ourselves. We did complete the Leigh-Bernardin. I don't know what was the challenge. Wheel? I don't even... A wheel. So long since we did it that I forgot why we did it.

It was almost six months to the date. People were killing the rest of us because when you left, we were talking about we thought that the restaurant closed at 2.30, and then I had a lot of people reach out to me and say, all of you are morons. Yeah, I had that too. It was really dumb. That's what my call asked.

I was wondering why when we got there, I just started getting a flurry of tweets being like, Ronan and Big Cat are lying. They're not even going. This is fake. This is bullshit. The Yak cheated on trivia. They would throw that in there too. And I was like, what is going on?

And then I didn't realize until I got back that you guys are just idiots. It says on the website that it's closed at 2.30. And it called. And reopens at 5. We called the restaurant. It's last reservation at 2.30. Did I not clarify that with the woman? Yeah.

Ask that question. KB called and it muddied the waters because she was so confused as to why someone would call like 10 minutes before 2.30. Because he called and he's like, if I had a reservation at 2.30, what does that mean? And I think she was just so baffled that like. It's probably a dumb question. Yeah. So we also had, we were like 10 minutes late and Steven called to be like, hey, we're going to be 10 minutes late because last seating is 2.30, and they're like, thank God you called because someone just called and canceled your reservation.

So shout out to that Yak listener who did that. That was kind of cool not. Yeah, it was – Pretty smart move, though. Yeah, I mean, we should have seen that coming. Yeah. It was a fun time. I broke the bread record.

Congrats. Thank you. Bread champion. Shattered it. Che, you had the internet in a one-sided frenzy jay is over what the millionaire thing yeah yeah jay jay 15 yeah so all right we'll get to that part so we get in there we sit down um we all have our hats on. And the, I think he was like the manager. Francis, you can fill in anything because you've been here. What's the, it's not the manager.

Major D? Major D? Yeah, sure. He was a guy, though. Yeah, that's fine. Oh, okay. Joke. So the Major D came over and sees, like, gentlemen, like, how we doing?

And I said something like, can we keep our hats on? And he continued to just give us the longest answer. He was like, you know, here we want everyone to be comfortable. We don't want to box people in. This is a fine dining place. Like, this is for the experience. So we want you to feel like at home and yourself. But please take your hats off.

And we're just like, oh, shit. It was the nicest way to be like, you buffoons, take your fucking hats off. So we sat down. It started with, what did we get? Salmon something? I thought it was instead of bread and butter, but it was some type of salmon. It was kind of like crab dip, but it was salmon. Yeah, it was delicious. Then they came with the bread.

That one on the right looks familiar. That was our first dish. That was Roan's. Is that dragon fruit? No, that's just pussy. I ordered the pussy. What am I looking at? Meat? Fruit? Is that a fish? He ordered the three-star pussy with the clit protruding.

Flattened puss. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, the bread comes around. The bread. So Francis told us before, don't fill up on bread. And I was like, personal challenge. He didn't tell me that they have a dude who's literally his only job is to walk around with the bread.

It's just a basket with like five different types of bread. So the first time he came over, he's like, do you want like a piece of bread? Everyone takes like one piece. I was like, give me every single one. Like, so I took I did the Grand Slam and then I continued to do that five other times where you just I'd like more bread, please. Like we were we were getting dessert. So this guy was not the waiter. He's just the bread guy the bread guy and he just kept on coming I kept I just was like more bread more bread more bread um and to the point where I asked the waiter waitress and the maitre d I was like what do you think the bread record is

and I think one of them said 10 and then the other person said she's never seen a man eat as much bread as I ate. So I feel accomplished. And then we had – There were times where you were getting more bread but putting it on Roan's plate? Yeah. No, I would double up. So I would get more bread, but my plate was too small to fill all the bread. So Roan was not eating bread, and I was like, Roan, just get some more bread.

I'll eat it. So I was eating off both of our plates. Really classy shit. And then the sommelier, very nice woman. The beauty of this whole experience is we came in there, and they hated us and thought we were the biggest losers. And by the end, they loved us. We closed the place down, and we had everyone laughing. But the sommelier gives me the wine menu, and I was just like, I want this one.

And it was $1,200, $1,250. And she then went, Roan saw this all take place as he was sitting next to me. She was like, you won't like that. Like, the grapes are aged in a certain way. Like, you won't enjoy that wine. And I was like, well, now I have to have it. So you can't do that to me. And I didn't like it. She was right. I did not enjoy that wine. And I was like, well, now I have to have it. So you can't do that to me. And I didn't like it.

She was right. I did not like that wine. It just tasted weird? It just wasn't that good. Yeah. It was very expensive, though. But that was a quick way where I was like. The most expensive bottle? You don't tell me what I can't get.

Yeah. No, there was way more expensive. $1,200. No, they have way. That wine list, I'm assuming. It might have been the most expensive white wine. I doubt it. Really? Yeah. So, yeah, No, they have way. That wine list, I'm assuming. Might have been the most expensive white wine. I doubt it. Really?

Yeah. So, yeah, then we enjoyed our meal. We all had three courses. It was delicious. I had lobster and steak, I think. Damn. Yeah. Steven had duck, which was delicious.

He gave us a little piece. Nate was splendid to be around. He only made it uncomfortable twice that I was rich and he wasn't. So that was good. He asked for, he said something about equity, and I was like, I don't have any anymore, dude. Yeah, he kind of beat that into the ground. Yeah, a couple times. That's fine.

You converted your equity into bread. Yeah, I was like, dude, there is no equity. What do you mean? I was like, well, it's cash now. Sick. But the whole experience was fun. Yeah, we racked up like almost three grand because that's without tip. And then it leads us to Stephen Che, who – Stephen, I'll let you just go whichever direction you want to go.

Sure. So I asked during the dinner before everything had come out, I said, do you think the bus boys here are millionaires? Because the staff was extremely professional. I mean, no. The staff was so buttoned up. No smiles. No anything. Very polite.

And they came around almost an annoying amount. Like every three to four minutes someone was like, are you guys okay? Are you guys okay? Whatever. And bringing stuff. One guy, I was eating bread on top of a plate, and he took the plate out from underneath. Yeah, he did. That was partially my fault, though, that they were hovering

because I think that they all, like in the back of the house, realized I was going for the record. So it was the implication. They were like, there was a little murmur. You know when you like are watching. Yeah, when you're like. No way. No, when you're like. No way. No, I'm telling you.

You know when you're watching, when you're like at a live sporting event and like maybe there's like a fight in the crowd and there's that little like murmur that happens and everyone kind of stands up. Yeah. That was happening at Les Bernardins when I started going for the bread record. Murmur. Yeah. Were they like disgusted?

At first I think so, but then they were like, oh my god, he's not stopping. Trying to respect. Going for the record. And I was doing all types. I was eating mini baguettes. I was just pounding those. I don't really follow Che's arguments so far. So you're saying because they work hard?

Yeah. Poor people can't have manners? No, so the bill came out to $2,500. So if you're tipping 20%, Big Cat did more than that, then that's $500. There's about 20 tables in the joint. So if you rack that up, two-hour stay, 20 tables, about $500 a table, we're talking $10,000 every two hours. If you're working an eight-hour shift, that equates to $40,000. I'm thinking if busboys get a percentage of that math check out. Did you put this on a sheet like I told you?

I don't think that math checked out. He also started doing this. They may have, but what percentage do you think the bussers are getting? He started saying this to me earlier. Also, most people aren't ordering $1,200 bottles of wine there at lunch necessarily. You were also saying a weekday lunch price is the same as everything. It's going to be more expensive on the weekends and dinner. Even at a super nice restaurant, I don't think the average table is tipping $500.

I don't know that. I tip $600. 20% at a very, very nice restaurant. You said an average $500. It's probably pretty high, but what percentage do you think they're getting? Go back to the show of the math, because, again, you did this to me where you just started saying numbers,

and I was like, I don't know. So you don't necessarily tip on the alcohol. A lot of people don't. Is that true? Yeah. So I shouldn't have tipped that? You gave a good tip. What about the sommelier?

She ended up liking us a lot. You tipped on the bread. She's the one who said she's never seen a man eat so much bread. Of course she said that because you guys spent two grand on wine. No, no, no, no, no. She said she was going to call her grandmother back in France. She said that.

Did she not, Steven? Yeah. She did say that. Steven, was this spreadsheet necessary? It feels like you could have done this on just like a notes app. I did it in tweets. It's just words. Shut up.

You've done it on the napkin. You're words i i literally did this in a tweet but then all these cells can you do add cells just to see what you can't add the words but yes if you work an eight hour shift at 10 grand every two hours40,000. If busboys are getting 10% of that, then that's $4,000. Busboys don't get 10% of that. Don't busboys get tipped out from what the waiters get tipped out? How many servers? Yeah, that's what we're talking about. So if the waiters, if everyone is—

So they get a percentage of their tips. Correct. So if the percentages of all tips, if 100% of that is $40,000 per eight-hour shift, if bus boys are getting 10% of that, that's $4,000. Yep. And if they're working 250 days a year, which most people do, that's a million dollars a year. Okay.

And then my- Not crazy. My simple retort to that was this is all based on- Not crazy. Hold on. Yeah. This is where, I'll say it again, but I did pop your argument like a Chinese spy balloon that has nothing to do with you being Chinese.

It's just, it's what's topical right now. Topical, it's fair. You have a busboy, a single busboy, working an eight-hour shift at Les Bernardins every day for 250 days. One single busboy. He's the greatest busboy ever that ever lived sure okay there's there were multiple bus boys it was like yeah so uh nate and uh ron aren't here to corroborate but it was impossible to tell who was a bus boy was it not yeah but there was a lot of people like a lot of people also dishwashers

there's sure but line cooks if we're assuming makers bread makers put him to fucking work the coffee guy if we can't tell these people apart maybe there were seven people servicing our table if they're splitting that evenly then the the percentage goes up. And it's 14%. But those seven people were not working every single table. Why don't we call an ass? You understand how, like, yeah, let's call them an ass. Why don't you try and apply for a job and ask how much the bus bill is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's call them an ass.

I guarantee you those bus boys aren't making over $100,000. I bet it's, like, something like $100 an hour, something like that. And then this is... With tips. I don't think it's even that much. Including tips. Do we even know the busboys are full-time? In this scenario, they are.

He's talking about... Everyone there looks... This is their career. Right. This is not a... It's a lot... I might be wrong on this, but a lot of those people that bus at restaurants like that, they're trying to work their way up, right? They want to become these guys. I might be wrong on this, but a lot of those people that bust at restaurants like that, they're trying to work their way up, right?

Steven's also talking about if J.J. Watt didn't play in the NFL and decided to be the best bus boy ever, and then stole every other bus boy's tips at Les Bernardin, and then worked 250 days, he might make a million dollars. It's dumb.

It's really dumb from Steven Chet. I would say no bus boys make a million dollars. It's dumb. It's really dumb from Stephen Chet. I would say no busboys make a million dollars a year. Well, you tweeted out mid-conversation. I didn't think it was a crazy take based on the place that we were at. Turn that off, Brandon. Were they young and did they have good haircuts? I'm just watching TJ's computer and it's so distracting. How would I turn that

off? You can just turn off on the TV. Oh, I see. Also, this this then a separate debate thank you francis yeah just because you make a million dollars a year does not make you a millionaire the most decorated uh person part of the show academically za agrees with me what za get back on the mic. I need to hear your reasoning on this. Because I said simply to Steven...

I'm busting the camera right now. Why do you want that on? We just turn it off. I asked Brandon and who walked in? Titus. At the same time. Did I ask you?

If you have zero dollars in savings And who walked in? Titus at the same time. Did I ask you? It was someone else. If you have $0 in savings and tomorrow they told you they're paying you a million dollars a year, does that make you a millionaire? No, you're not a millionaire until you have a million dollars either in the bank or in assets. Right. That makes you a millionaire. Okay, but this might be a point in Shea's favor because I don't think you have to make a million dollars a year to be a millionaire. Okay, but this might be a point in Che's favor because I don't think you have to make a million dollars a year to be a millionaire then.

No, agreed. This point's the opposite. If he's saying the busboys are – I'm not defending Che. I'm just trying to – Sounds like you are. I know, I know. Sounds like you don't get it. But if you made $200,000 and you're smart with your money,

maybe there are millionaire busboys. He's saying they're millionaires based on making a million dollars. If he's saying they're making a million dollars a year, that's crazy. Yeah, that part is crazy, but also the fact that Stephen thinks that if you have zero dollars in your bank account, but you make a million dollars a year, you're a millionaire. That is crazy. You know what? It also makes you a millionaire lying and telling people you're a millionaire.

True. That's what I do. Yeah, that's a good point. Look up my name. I you a millionaire lying and telling people you're a millionaire. True. That's what I do. Yeah. Look up my name. I think it says that I make a million dollars a year. We did that in Arizona. If you do make a million dollars a year, you need to be a millionaire. You should be.

It would be a problem if you're not a millionaire. Over a course of years, but like. I guess starting from scratch, no. Right. To Titus's point. Oh, no. Look what you did. Look what you did. I think you're

assuming these busboys have poor financial habits. No, I'm assuming they don't make a million dollars a year, because that's... Maybe they are making a million dollars a year, but I would assume they have, you know, if they're working in such a high-class establishment making a very good wage... Alright, so how much do you think they're making? I said I thought they could be millionaires.

Okay, but how much do you think they're making? High wage. That's not a million dollars. Realistically, though, if they were... They're making hundreds of thousands of they could be millionaires okay but how much do you think they're making high wage that's not a million dollars realistically hundreds of thousands of dollars they're not even a dude if they were if they were millionaires they also wouldn't be bus boys right exactly and they also they live in new york city they have to pay rent they have to pay taxes like you can't i just i just i'm just imagining like the entire NBA G League is listening to this what the fuck are we doing they just show up at Stephen we can triple our salary if we just yeah bus boys yeah this is the most prestigious restaurant in New York per Francis uh it's one of them but yeah there's like for decades yeah yeah it is probably make a really they probably make a really good wage because i have the bread right so let me let me give you a little other example so there's five uh five three-star michelin restaurants in new york city per se all

la bernardin uh chef's table at brooklyn fair and there's one more and per se okay which for many years was the most expensive restaurant in new york no longer is but was uh would train their entire wait staff by bringing in the ballerinas from the metropolitan ballet to teach them how to move around the tables with as little interference to the diners as possible i like that that. It was a part of their training. And I would bet you that those waiters at that restaurant were not making a million dollars. They weren't making hundreds of thousands of dollars. Maybe they're making $200,000 a year.

I think $200,000 a year for anyone in the service industry is very high. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like a chef making celebrity chefs that did not because a ton of that went into Stephen's brain celebrity chefs

the way that they the way that restaurant owners make a lot of money is by creating a very successful restaurant and then franchising that or creating a cookbook that goes to the top

of the New York Times bestseller list or you know becoming a fucking celebrity chef on Chopped or something like that. Guy Fieri. Restaurants themselves, one restaurant, it's hard as your first restaurant. Even if every reservation is booked throughout the year, it's very hard to make a ton. The margins are thin because The overhead is so high.

Okay. Interesting. Again, none of that got through. I could be wrong. That's why when COVID happened in New York, the first thing to go were the restaurants. Every one of them shut down. They were like, we can't keep going. Until Dave Portnoy came around.

Until Dave Portnoy came around. That's fact. He actually saved late-barrel margin. Their annual revenue is $12 million. They have a massive barstool flag. What was that, KB. Their annual revenue is $12 million. They have a massive barstool flag. What was that, KB? Their annual revenue is $12 million. $12 million.

But that's gross, right? So that doesn't account for ingredients? That probably doesn't account for... Wages, insurance, all that? Yeah. 200 total staff. 200 total staff. Is there also a chance that those guys get tipped a less percentage

because they're making so much money in tips? Is that a thing that would happen or no? I think everybody that comes into Standard is tipping at least 20%. Oh, but I mean like the weight staff. Would they get a less percentage of the tips that they make? Because it's so high? Maybe. Maybe.

I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. Francis, why is it three stars? Why aren't they on the ball system? Michelin has had their rating system, I think, probably longer than anywhere else. Like, New York Times food reviews does add a four. It's all pretty arbitrary. What's a tire company?

Yeah, I was going to say, is that a pro or a con that it's the tire company? Does that make it like a cool little bit of trivia? Michelin. I don't know. That's a good question. We look at the tire company. I know why. Oh, here we go.

Kate read an article about it. Back in the day, I did. I read an article about it. They wanted people to start driving to restaurants, like driving far, taking far trips. So they started doing reviews of restaurants, being like, this one is worth driving two days to get to. We promise you. I like that fact.

That's pretty fucking brilliant. Great fact. That's my version of it, but it's like something like that. But yeah, I was trying to get- Wow. Good for them. It's the tire guys, Andre and Eduardo. But is that, I guess like-

There's no O at the end of that. Does that make the rankings cooler or does it make it worse? I think it makes it a lot cooler. A lot cooler, but I still don't like the three. Three doesn't sound- No. Three doesn't sound good. When you're like a three-star restaurant, you immediately are like, ugh. The Michelin guides, they're more like travel guides than just restaurant guides because they review hotels, they give you maps, they give you activities in regions.

I should be a Michelin guide. It's like that. I'm going to start a tire company called the One Bite Pizza Tires. Nice. So blue coffee tires. Yeah. Yeah. This is the kind of tires that makes you want to go pick up a cup of coffee.

Yeah. I would like us to call Leigh Bidder and let Steven just talk to him and see if he can navigate his way through this. What if we lose him? That's a risk I'm willing to take, yes, if Steven leaves Barstool for LeBron Arden. Oh, he thinks it's possible, too. By the way, the reason that I cautioned you guys about the bread is that I haven't been to Burner Down,

but I've been to some of the other ones. Oh, you haven't? No, I never said that I had. Oh, interesting. When you go to these really, really fancy places, what they're known for are their tasting menus. Yeah, I don't like those. I don't either.

I don't like getting a little piece of food every 10 minutes. But by the time you've had 14 of them, you're stuffed. I don't think you realize how much bread I ate. Well, that's my point. No, but I was. You guys didn't do the tasting menu. But I kept on eating the bread. Because you only ordered a la carte.

You had three. Yeah, you were eating clown for that. They were pretty big, though, on dishes. Fine. But that, to me, going to Bernadette and not doing the tasting menu is like going to. Are you putting an asterisk on the record? It's like going to Paris and not eating the Eiffel Tower. All right, fine.

I'll fucking go back. I'll go back. I'll go back. I'll do the fucking prefix, and I'll eat 18 pieces of bread. You should go for... I would go for dinner. Done. You and I will go. You'll witness.

You don't get to eat, though. I will have... Fine. I'll watch. You're going to watch me eat the bread. I'll go to the bathroom with bread. Bathroom, I would say, was nice, but someone did clog the toilet. Might have been me. One of you?

It was me. I clogged the toilet. The funniest moment, like one of the, I look back and laugh at this all the time when we were in Buffalo. Yes, yes. And Big Hat didn't even know I was in the lobby. And I watch him go up to the front desk and goes, hey,ged my toilet I always say that no idea no idea anyone was there I just watched the whole thing you putting a lot of toilet paper it's just I don't whenever I'm hi um I had a question I was looking to apply for a busboy role um I just wanted to see what the salary band was at your establishment.

Oh, I'm not sure of that question, sir. This is a reservations department. Are the busboys millionaires? Excuse me? Are the busboys millionaires? That was the question he wanted to ask. I don't think so. That's a no he wanted to ask. I don't think so. That's a no, yeah. Okay, thank you so much. Appreciate it. We loved our time going.

I mean, we nailed it. That was it right there. I mean, the fact that she even answered that question. She entertained it. Wait, that kind of sounds like they are millionaires. No. I think they are.

The fact that she answered that question is crazy. I can't believe that. So how do you even apply? I think it's the reverse, KB. I think she was like, I've never been asked this question. Yeah, she was taken aback. Like, why would anyone ever assume this? That was so good. Steven, do you think that woman that answered the phone is a millionaire? Yeah. She was taken aback. Why would anyone ever assume this?

That was so good. Steven, do you think that woman that answered the phone is a millionaire? She's a billionaire. Answering phones all day. She had a good phone voice. She might work for the company that took the reservations. If we had canceled within 48 hours, we would have been charged $100 per person. So think about all the people that cancel.

Then she gets all that money. Put that on your napkin. Excel napkin. I think at the end of the day, they're probably not millionaires, but it would be irresponsible to assume the spending habits of busboys. Nobody did. You've added that. You added that into our minds. Right.

You added that. We're saying in no world, regardless of spending habits, are the bus boys millionaires oh absolutely they could be no i'll tell you a millionaire like become a bus boy there and technically he's a millionaire yes yeah but guys who start this business boy i mean that and with that like a subway worker could be a millionaire of course they could no oh chad i'm talking about millionaires now, not bus boys. I mean, it's the same argument that you guys were having with me. Either way, I had a great time going.

And I want to do a one-time only thing where TJ, I would like you to add Leigh Benardin to the main wheel. Wow. And then if it hits, I will take three other people But it can't be Ron Che or Nate

Gladly We're gonna wheel that too Yeah then we'll wheel that Oh hell yeah Yeah Cause I had a great time And I wanna go for the record again I wanna break my record

Break your own record? Would you consider Trying the other three star restaurants For variety's sake? Nah I'm a Le Bernardin guy Always been It's my fucking home base. That's kind of my dive bar.

And I give one last tip. Anytime you go to a place like that, if you kind of cozy up to them, lie, say that it's one of your birthdays, there's a good chance they'll bring you into the kitchen and give you a tour of the kitchen, which is

really cool. Okay, so we'll also spin the wheel. The three people that go, we'll spin it again once we decide the three people who has to lie and say it's their birthday. I don't know if I love that for my birthday. I'd rather have a piece of cake. Yeah, I don't know. They'll bring you something else. Oh, the ice cream was incredible. Yeah, they'll bring you something.

The ice cream is incredible. And they should give you a gift bag to go, which often contains a jar of their homemade granola. Ooh. A lot of places have that. Seems like they got birthdays all wrong. In fact, it's such a trope that they... Did you see the menu? Oh.

Movie, the menu? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to give anything away but they give a gift bag to someone which has granola in it sounds like an inconvenience no it's the best granola you'll ever have in your phone would you say the street value of that granola is million million dollars it's great it's high and uh i got it at 11 madison park when I went there, and the glass that it comes in, it comes in a glass with a nice lid.

The glass has become my favorite glass to drink cocktails from. Oh, wow. There's a lot of utility. Okay. Is it your favorite glass because it says 11 Madison Park? It doesn't say anything on it. It's just a nice weight and thickness. That is the true test of a fancy place.

They don't put their name on anything. Can I raise a question? Can you show Steven? Can you show the room what Steven's in? I'd like to know what those motherfuckers' deals are. Oh, those are Overs Club members. Hey. All right.

Oh, note the jacket. No, I'm not in it. I'm not in it. Keep the sweet jackets they got on. All right. All right. Good stuff. Overs Club.

They got the jackets. Welcome, gents. Thank you for coming. Yeah. I kind of want to go back to the late better than for lunch today. All right. We can just go. I want to go and just ask.

I just want to go up, maybe sneak up on a busboy who's bringing out the trash or something. Yeah, how much you make. Yeah. What's the deal here? Yeah. A million? Two million? Is it on Glassdoor?

He's going to be like, no, it's like 15 an hour. No tips. You've got to take out the trash. Yeah. Who's the guy, Willie Slugworth? Is that the guy?

Yeah. It's like Slugworth trying to get inside Wonka's factory. Free bread. Like, Charlie, come here. It's 15 an hour, but we get to bring the bread home at night just asking the busboy so

what kind of investments you got what's your 401k I assume you have really responsible spending habits I do I mean Steven your brain is one in a billion the best was Nate thought Steven was doing a bit and I was like there's no bit

he actually asked if the busboys are millionaires One in a billion. The best was Nate thought Stephen was doing a bit, and I was like, there's no bit here. He actually asked if the bus boys are millionaires. At the time, I can see the logic where they probably aren't, but at the time, I don't think it was a crazy ask. This was before they started liking us and giving any personality. I find it interesting you went to the bus boys and didn't start at the waiters or the waiters millionaires. I assume they were.

I assume they are. Yes. Yeah, we were the last people in there because they were doing the dinner shift, the switch over and there was another table on the other side of the restaurant of these old ladies and when I went to the bathroom where the toilet was clogged, the old ladies

were like, looks like it's just us in here. I just looked her dead in the eye and was like, we're not leaving until you leave. We're going to be the last people in here we would have waited forever because we were going to be the last and we had everyone laughing at the end is it a big restaurant uh it's not that big i imagine it's really small for some reason oh it's it's it's like yeah like probably 30 tables okay yeah oh no. I meant there's 10 tables. He just changed his mind. Fuck.

How long after you chose that $1,200 bottle of wine did they change their attitudes about you? Almost instantly. That's what it was. Almost instantly. 100%. They thought we had no money, and that's why they're like, oh, how about this? She pointed to a $120 bottle of wine

after I asked for the $1,200 and then she was right I didn't like the $1,200 it wasn't good I thought it was very good I wasn't a fan of it um what were we about to do oh let's spin the wheel

might as well spin it please believe her yeah I kind of want it to be that I, let's spin the wheel. Might as well spin it. Oh, yeah. Please be Lieber. Yeah, I kind of want it to be that. I just want to try the bread at this point. I would really like to go. The bread should have been warm for that type of place. Yeah, if Steven was complaining about that. Oh, my God.

And the bathroom should have been nicer. You didn't go in the bathroom. Well, I asked you to take a picture, and you said whatever. Yeah. Steven did ask me to take a picture. Why didn't go in the bathroom. Well, I asked you to take a picture and you said whatever. Yeah. You did ask me to take a picture. Why didn't you just go in? I didn't have to go to the bathroom. I think I was going to the bathroom.

I sat down on the toilet and I looked at my phone and it just, the first text was take a picture of the bathroom. Can we see the picture? I thought it was going to be like a world-class bathroom.

No, it was just a regular bathroom. Disappointing. Did it have like a dude in there? To wash your hands for you? No, it didn't. No. No. Disappointing.

Yeah. Yeah. We have that here. Yeah, we do have that here. Should have that here. What are we doing next? We have a bunch. We have some boogers on the wall for you. What are we doing that here. What are we doing next? We have a bunch on the wall for you. What are we doing?

Are we doing Travis? What are we doing with Travis? All right. We played ourselves. I would like to see the Travis's who did submit the second round. I'm curious. Might as well. I'm curious.

Yeah, we have to. I need to know. Was it supposed to be today? Was today like the- It was supposed to be the semifinals, and then the finals were supposed to be tomorrow. Was it supposed to be today? Was today like the... It was supposed to be the semifinals, and then the finals were supposed to be tomorrow. We're looking at submissions today? This is a...

We totally played ourselves in trying to find the funniest Travis and then being like, we don't want to do this anymore. Yeah. Because none of them are funny. But TJ, you have... 11.

11. Oh, yeah. I'm curious. Are any funny, TJ? Yes. Oh. These are the guys who already showed some pro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm curious. Are any funny, TJ? Yes. Oh. These are the guys who already showed some pro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. All right, so let's go to six, and then tomorrow we'll have them zoom in. Okay. Why are we going to six? Why not just all 11? This is the semifinals. I think just eliminate the nine. Oh, no, I see.

I thought you meant we're going to watch six. We're going to watch all 11 and then we're going to cut it down to six. Word. So wait, we don't have our Travis sheets. Right. That's my pen. It's a very good pen. Don't lose that pen.

So everyone, why don't you do the ad while we write Travis? I will do the ad as long as it's talking about delicious high noons. High noon hard seltzer made with real juice and real vodka, unlike those other seltzers that use malt. Nuh-uh. Not high noon. They have now big cans, 700 milliliters of peach and pineapple available. My favorite flavor is, you're looking at me very intently, Francis, and I appreciate that.

Oh, yeah. What's your favorite flavor? I like the peach. I very intently, Francis, and I appreciate that. Oh, yeah. What's your favorite flavor? I like the peach. I also like the peach. I really like the peach. I almost feel like a basic bitch when I say the peach at this point. Oh, it's my favorite. Lime is also good.

Watermelon. I hate all watermelon things, but I like the high noon watermelon flavor. It's very good. The grapefruit is good. Mango's good. Isn't that the official seltzer of Les Bernardins? I don't even know if I could say that. Okay.

Let's just say it probably. Probably is. We don't know. It's only 100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar. Their full-time flavors are pineapple, black cherry, watermelon, grapefruit, lime, peach, mango, passion fruit, and lemon. And you can find limited edition flavors like pear and cranberry. Have you had the pear, Francis?

I have. Delicious. What a treat. And then it's in the tailgate pack, and the kiwi and guava are in the pool pack. Look for High Noon on Drizzly or at your local convenience or liquor store. Visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you. All right, so Titus and Francis. It's very easy when we watch a video or submission of a Travis, if you think that they are a Travis, meaning they're not funny,

you just put up sign Travis. And if there's four Travises on a submission, that person's eliminated. Who do you like out of 4A this year boys basketball uh ben davis is a juggernaut um carmel carmel carmel is they got a great program but i think ben davis is uh is is the team to beat um center groves up there uh brownsburg my school um lawrence north we're we're playing we're playing good basketball We got Tamika Ketching's nephew Who's going to Purdue actually

But he's a young guy And he can't carry the whole team I thought he was just a sophomore He's not a senior He's already decided he's going to Purdue We're going to get him to flip We got to get him to flip Who?

We being Indiana or Ohio State? Ohio State, dude. Never know. Come on. There's your update. Thank you. Way better answer than I thought. Is this breaking news?

This is breaking news. Is that breaking news? Let's go. Watch Stephen Shea. Oh, my God. No. What? No. breaking news watch steven shea oh my god no what no how much did le bernard employees earn on average in the united states is an average of 809 500 including the chefs that's not the that is not salaries range from the low of 700 that's not the waiters no. That's not the waiters. No, yeah, that's not the waiters. The head staff.

Holy shit. That's probably people who work for Laybetter and Inc. We need to call them again? I mean, it's got to be another number. That's not the reservation number. Now I need to know. This is where you should try to get your job. I don't even think you could apply for this type of...

I think you have to be like the son or daughter. Can I tell you the honest truth? What is the truth? I think they'd eliminate you right away with the cauliflower ears. Yeah, you're right. I mean, I just said the truth. I think you'd show up and they're like, no. They'd probably try to toss him with some garlic.

Yeah. This guy's been in some fights. He's been in some scraps. Uncouth. Yeah. What if we go all in and get him prosthetics? What if we get you... Oh, yeah.

I forget that I have. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Undercover Leigh Bannerden. Yeah, I mean, if there's a way to try Travis what would your job history have to be

I don't know you probably would have had to work a lot of restaurants before go to Cornell hospitality school number one in the nation they have their own hotel they run a hotel up there.

Yeah. Hmm. That is kind of a crazy... I guess everyone's got jobs, but like as an 18-year-old, be like,

I don't work in a hotel. Yeah. I guess it plays. Do you know any Cornell hospitality people? Uh, no. I don't think so. But I know that, don't they also have a school of golf course management? Oh, that would be cool. And I could see someone being like, this is going to be awesome,

to live on a golf course. Yeah, but how many people get to do that? It's a lot of golf courses. It's true. I know a dude that lives on a golf course, and he has been living there for two years, rent-free. Works on the golf course in the summer. And they just let him stay in the house.

Are you doing the plot to Caddyshack? Are you talking about that comedian? What? The comedian? Yeah. What's his name again? Brennan Barrera. Yeah.

And TJ Francis. They work at my golf course. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, and they've been there for two years, and they haven't had to pay rent in two years. Yeah, but- The golf course you go to, right? That I'm a member at, yeah.

But their house, his house has had the roof caved in. Well, that was like last month. Well, that should be- Before that, it wasn't like that. He came home, and there was like all of his belongings were soaked. Yeah, as the pipes burst. That's only in his room, though. Stephen Che's 100-year flood.

Yeah. Stephen Che famously, Titus and Francis, when he bought his new house, was bragging to us that he got really cheap insurance because... No, I got a good deal on the house. Good deal on the house because it's in a flood zone, but it's only every 100 years. And then Hurricane, what was it? Ida. Weeks later.

We had it flooded. We had the 100 year. It was like almost bang, bang. The rescue workers. The entire basement finished. Brand new basement. Renovated. In a fucking boat.

Entertainment. Man cave finished. It was an all time. Seeing a boat in your basement. My fucking house got a great deal. Only every hundred years. Done the math. Boom.

Well, they're called hundred-year floods. Right. But yeah. Crazy. Not the best. Presumably, you won't see the next one. Oh, it's coming again. It's coming again.

Next month. Yeah. We also, I guess, well, actually. Oh, no, you shouldn't say this because I will try to ruin it. Oh, yeah. All right, never mind. Yeah. Steven might rent his house out for a movie.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What movie? No. Big one. What movie? I don't know. Good one. All right, let's do Travis's. What's the movie? I don't know. All right, let's do Travis's. What about Noah?

Let's do Travis's. We're down to 11 Travis's. Three of them didn't respond to my email. Okay, very Travis. So they didn't submit a second thing. First up is Travis 10, Travis Gunderson from the Trap Door to Hell podcast. Oh, the one who wants to bang Dory. Yeah, he submitted a tier list of Disney women. Or somebody else submitted it on his behalf.

That was just him. Hey, Yak, it's Travis Gunderson, host of the canceled podcast Trap Door to Hell. Thank you guys for pushing me on to the second round of the Funniest Travis 2023. And thank you to Trapdoor Groupie for sending me in. I have every single Street Shark hand puppet as advertised by Vin Diesel. Circa 1994. I want to show you something up close and personal. What?

I want to show you something here with such fantastic detail it? I've got something here with such fantastic detail, it's going to blow you away. Hedgehog! All right. Oh, my God. And in 2011, I ate approximately 40 McRibs that fall. And in that winter, I got a blowjob in the back of the theater while watching the animated classic Gnomeo and Juliet oh yeah this guy rules

is that Xanax? it's Lemonheads I hope it's not Xanax poor teeth isn't that breathing I would have cut this part I hope it's not Xanadus. Oh, his poor teeth. Isn't that breathing? I would have cut this part. So, hope to see you guys tomorrow.

Thank you very much for the opportunity. He's in. He's in. I also, I don't think he did this on purpose, but the delivery of, in 2011, I ate 40 McRibs that fall. 2011 was the time frame, and then you went down even smaller to that fall. He didn't say the fall of 2011.

No, he didn't say that fall. Who was on his shirt? I couldn't tell you. I thought it was Frank at first. I thought it was TJ at first. I didn't even notice. Who is that? That's Frank? That's him. No way.

That's him. Without the beard. Without a beard? Is it? That's not Fleming. Yeah, it looks like the kid who hits dingers. Ralph? Big Al?

Big Al. Big Al. Let's see a picture of Big Al. That ain't Fleming. That's not Big Al. No, Big Al didn't have glasses. That's a man. I think that's a boy.

I think it's a boy. I think it's a boy. I think it's a boy I think it's a boy I think it's a man There's a little fuzz on that chin I think it's definitely a boy Can you email him and just ask him He's in anyway but we would like to just I think it's a boy It's a man with a boy

Yeah it's a man I think it's a man Actually we probably should find out if that's just a random little eager on his shirt It's a little creepy It is a boy Boy If he has an unnamed boy We have some boy disqualifications here Yeah And I'm a little eager on his shirt. It's a little creepy. But it is a boy. Boy. If he has an unnamed boy. I have some boy disqualifications here.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, next. He's in. Travis Gunderson. Next up is Travis Agee. Travis number 11. It's Agee.

Nah. It is. He submitted a medley of things. Oh. Last time. Oh, yeah. He had this. Oh's AG. Nah. He submitted a medley of things. Oh. Last time. Oh, yeah. He had this song. Oh, okay.

Right. Oh, yeah. Riff Raff and the Fat Women. We voted him in. This guy is a rapper? Or he? No. Not at all.

Okay. Here's his submission. Not at all. The black kid's bullied Rowan so bad in school, he learned how to rap. KB talks like he has Asperger's, but he is built like an autistic kid. Brandon's family disowned him because he was way too nice to the slaves. Nick makes deep fakes of Pokemon orgies

and sells them at a trench coat on Canal Street. That's it. Sass's mom still packs him a lunch every day. It's trying too hard. I would like to go ahead and say that that one was unanimous. No, it wasn't. It wasn't just four. It was unanimous.

I almost... That was bad. The delivery of the first joke had it up for me Yeah, I was hoping that it was going to make a It was going to change Can I try Travis? It wasn't Hey, listen Travis, maybe we can send a

No, a certificate Just like semi-finalist of the 2023 Funniest Travis in America Granola That was very Travis That was extremely Travis is like semi-finalist of the 2023 Funniest Travis in America competition. Bag of granola? Yeah, right. But that was very Travis. That was extremely Travis, what we just witnessed. We were finding the most Travis person he would be.

He would be the one, but that's not what we're doing. Instead of a bag of granola for the Travis's, just a jar of cigarette butts. Yeah. There you go, Travis. It should be a t-shirt like that guy had, but just with all the Travis's on it. Yeah. All the go, Travis. It should be a T-shirt like that guy had, but just with all the Travises on it. Yeah.

All the losing Travises. Yeah, yeah. All right, next Travis. Next up is Travis13, Travis Ewell. Last time he submitted a bunch of tweets. We just put it in because of the surfboard. And we found out one of them was the one that I put them into the semis for was

Yeah, Waze. Hoppy and Pace, yeah. Yeah. There's 16. Thanks for the laughs on the Tuesday show. Some of those tweets are up to like two or three likes at this point, which is really great. Thank you guys for all the exposure there.

Although I think my Feasty Boys tweet, the one that Trent had retweeted, was upstaged by a non-Travis, a muggle Travis, if you will, where someone called Trent and Lurch the Obesty Boys, which is just objectively a funnier joke, one I wish I would have thought of on my own, but lacked the ability due to the curse of my name. I figured in this video I'd work on converting Nick and Brandon since they were my only two Travis votes. Although I'm not too worried about Brandon, you can tell he's not quite sure if this is all real or if it's all some way a joke on him. So I'm going to try to focus on Nick here. Uh, Nick, this one's for you. Oh, okay. Dominic Perrette, a member of Australia's Liberal Party,

was reported missing on Saturday when he failed to appear after being summoned by Parliament. Perrette is accused of accepting large sums of cash to ensure that other councillors would be elected. Foul play isn't suspected in the case of the missing councillor, but that he is instead in hiding to avoid an interrogation that expires March 3rd. A missing member of the left? Sounds like the scenario professional surfer Bethany Hamilton found herself in after being brutally attacked by a 14-foot tiger shark off the coast of Kauai. Our next story comes to us from...

I think that's funny. I would have made a parents joke. Very derivative. Here's the thing. I think it's funny, but at the end of the day, he's applying for a job at Barstool. Yeah. Also, we need- We want a Travis just on deck.

Yeah. I would like to see the poke banana joke. Yes. I'll see it. Yeah. But yeah, this is- You know what I mean? Like, we want just a Travis in our whole-

Yeah. He's too- Yeah. We have a conversation one day. We're like, I wonder what Travis's take is on this. We'll call him up. We're not going to hire this person. First guy was very original, true to himself.

Yeah, right. That was a Travis. The other two have been playing to this room. Yeah. 14-foot tiger shark off the coast of Kauai. Poke banana. Our next story comes to us from West Point, Mississippi, where February has been officially named Poke Banana Month

after a popular internet show was made aware of his existence. Friends of Mr. Banana described him as a hokey, kind of awkward guy who brightened the days of children who frequently prank-called his house. An awkward hokey pokey? Sounds like a situation Bethany Hamilton might find herself in at a town party. He's trying hard. I appreciate the effort. Sean Penn is in the news this week. It's the wrong...

He should be trying out for Barstow Idol, not Funniest Traps. ...has given him the ability to predict certain things that have happened in his life. However, many on the internet suspect Sean Penn has always had these abilities, citing his famous line as Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. All right, Hamilton! Many have noted that the phrase, All right, Hamilton, was a prediction and sick nickname

of the current state of professional surfer Bethany Hamilton's forelimbs decades before her brutal shark attack. I think it's funny. It's cute. Yeah. Good writer. Yeah, no, he's a good speaker.

Right. Yeah. It's not what we want. We're looking for a word. He got closer to being funny by the end. I saw what he was trying to do. He made it into a, this isn't a. I think it's the funniest thing we're going to see.

He might make it in. There's only three right now. I had put mine. I'll keep them in. It was funny. Yeah. So that's four. All right.

Again, it's like he's doing a good job, good production, funny, but I want my Travis to be like an idiot we can just call up. Yeah, and the goal was for them not to be aware of that. Right. It was probably poor timing, too. He did a Nick tribute, and Nick's not here. Oh. More breaking news?

More breaking news. More breaking news. Mine Cook. Labe and Arden, $17 to $20 an hour. Oh, my goodness. Oh, that stinks. You talking about Line Cook? I'm talking about Bus Boy.

Line Cook. Line Cook. Line Cook probably makes more than the Bus Boy. I would say they're above. That's minimum wage. I think the Bus Boy is the bottom of the restaurant. But they get to share the tips. They don't even share the tips.

They get a low percentage. It's the bottom basement of the tip. I don't think you know what's sharing is, Sass. Imagine if this entire debate was based on the fact that Stephen Chay thought the busboys owned the restaurant. It was like, well, yeah, those guys are the most important guys. Drive everyone there on the bus. Yeah. Chay, is it possible you're thinking of the busing with the boys?

I've never seen water spill. Like, that water spilled vertically. How did that happen? How did that water bottle get hanged? I hope we have a replay of that. How did that happen? You knocked it off. I didn't touch it.

It bounced off my knee and landed back on you. It hopped off that thing. I, for one, am shocked that the man that sits with an open bottle of water every single day finally got it spilled. That hopped. We have... You moved this. You moved that and it fell off and then it landed. I didn't touch this.

Are you wearing black skinny jeans? They're not skinny jeans. They're just jeans. They're Travis Matthews. We were sponsored by them one time. Don't do that. Oh, they were. They're not skinny jeans. They're just jeans. They're Travis Matthew. We were sponsored by them one time. Don't do that. Oh, they were. They're Travis Matthew. I would not have these otherwise.

You actually look pretty good in them. I always wanted to be a black guy. What happened there? Can we watch that replay? Watch the replay if you have it. I'm in the middle screen. Wait, I'm pointing now. That's not me. Oh. Pol's not me. Oh. Poltergeist.

Oh. What the fuck? I don't know how it happened. Whatever. Spill more water. Second spill in two days. Maybe you should put cap on it. Brandon. What's the matter with you?

What's the matter? I don't have water. You see these things? That's not how I do it. Why don't you put the cap on? I don't know. Well, first of all, I was drinking it. He's too honest. do it. Why don't you put the cap on? I don't know, Seth. Well, first of all, I was drinking it.

He's too honest. No cap. No cap. Yeah, no cap. But it's not that he doesn't do no cap. It's that he opens it up and leaves it. I don't know where the cap is. I'll sit down on many a day where there'll just be a full bottle of water with no cap in sight. Just sitting right here.

Yeah, spill more water. You don't like these jeans? I like them. I'm upset that you're pulling them off. They're not skinny either. They're just regular jeans. They're skinny on your body. They're actually too big.

I think I've lost weight in the waist. They're 40s, and I have to wear a belt. If I took this belt off, they'd fall off. Prove it. Dude, I won't look, but do jumping jacks. Yeah, prove it. I'm not going to do jumping jacks. Prove it. Take the belt. Prove it. If I took this belt off, they'd fall off. Prove it. Dude, I won't look, but do jumping jacks. Yeah, prove it. I'm not going to do jumping jacks. Prove it.

Take the belt off and prove it. Well, I'm sitting. Great. Stand up and do jumping jacks. I'm going to go ahead and say they're not even going to come close to falling off. Okay. Looking away. No hands.

Keep jumping. He is shaking. Keep jumping. All right. Keep jumping. My hand is shaking. Keep jumping. All right, all right. Keep jumping. Yeah. All right. Starting to go.

Keep it like that. That's cool. Make the Mississippi State underwear. Yep. I have a Travis update. Oh. This shirt was his brother and co-host of the world-famous Trap Door to Hell podcast, Tyler Gunderson.

Oh! Yeah, I like these guys. I like them even more. Travis and Tyler at a bar, you run into those two, that's trouble. Travis Gunderson is my odds-on favorite to win this. He's just repping his younger brother's face. One more Travis's, please. Yeah.

Next up is Travis 18 Travis Jordan He was the snowmobile guy Yep He just submitted more snowmobile stuff Oh yes I guess he has a YouTube channel Of this sort of vlog style stuff

Captain and coach were a little stiff But fuck it We're gonna send it on the rental anyway. Going to try to sober up on this run and then hit park. What's up, boys? I was struggling just to keep my fucking eyes open. Holy shit, those strikes were stiff. And it's 1.30 in the fucking afternoon on a Thursday. Some people might call that a problem.

I just call it living brother get this line down without fucking falling this captain coach you're fucking talking right now barking all right let's see dropping in who could have seen that coming how my, my asshole. Oh, my asshole. This is the best of his vlog. Yeah, I'm not... Oh, I love... He lost me with this. You think so?

I'm going to shit myself. Remember, KB, this is the best of his vlog. Yeah. Oh, I know. I know. That's kind of... I thought he was kind of a badass. Right. He's doing a badass. Right.

He was doing a lot of complaining. You guys vote. We're voting on whether he's funny. Am I understanding this correctly? Well, it's a complicated... But in a way, not. Yeah, it's complicated. We don't really know what we're voting on.

He lost his Travis brand. Did he make that fresh for us, or was that an oldie? So the reason why I'm not voting for him is we asked for a submission, and- Oh, he just took an old clip. Oh, yeah. He was like, this is my best clip. Yeah, that's his best. Yeah, that's funny.

That's very funny. Funny in itself. All right, so vote. You guys want him off? Yeah. I'm keeping him. All right, he's off. He's gone.

Likeable, but- You like that? I just know he's got better. I think he thinks that's his best clip. I don't even think that's close to his best clip. That's as silly of an assumption as Jay thinking that busboys make a million dollars a year. If you saw his first tape, you would know. Yeah, I liked him.

What's up, motherfuckers? I wanted more of that and didn't get it. I don't like people that are bragging about being fucked up while they're skiing. It's dangerous. The funniest Travis competition. Yeah, how much while they're skiing. It's dangerous. It's the funniest Travis competition. Yeah, how much? If you eliminate that, we won't even have a competition. The first guy was great.

What did he do? It wasn't great. What did he do? Because he submitted already. So you're going off of his first one more so than this one? Oh, all right. So this one was just a bunch of guys. You watched his first one.

Homemade clips. My vote there was simply he did his first one, it ruled, and then I don't think his first one ruled either. Hold on one second. None of it did. And then when we asked for his best material, he just gave us that. It was so bad. This one's a masterpiece.

This is a masterpiece. The guy in the second one wasn't the guy y'all liked. That's true. What the fuck? Oh, yeah. That's the Travis What the fuck? Oh, yeah. That's the Travis I like. 30 to 40? 30?

No, is that fast? That's pretty fast. 45 to 30? There's enough work in 20. Y'all never should have put this guy in. I'm going to subscribe to this vlog. Oh, down the leg! Oh, shit! Oh!

Oh! Are you good? Are you good? Are you good? Are you good? Are you good? Are you good? Are you good? Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! What the fuck were you thinking? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I was just going for it. I was just going for it. I was just going for it. I'm gonna go for it again after. I'm gonna go for it again after. I'm gonna go for it again after. I ran you over? I ran you over?

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Okay, maybe we made him a snake. I love it. Our standards. Okay. Yeah, right. Our standards are different yesterday. It's a horrendous snack. He is a Travis.

Yeah, I don't know what. He is a Travis. We're trying to find the funniest one at least. I don't know if we even know what we're doing. I don't think we are. You guys said we were trying to find a Travis Travis. I'm looking at this with a clear head. It's all bad.

We're trying to find the funniest Travis. You had the dude that actually tried and wrote jokes, and you guys were like, well, he's not Travis. That was my point. This guy is peak Travis. He's like, well, he's not funny enough. He sends those videos to his friends being like, look. Nothing is going right with this competition.

And that is funny. You know when you know. It's a disaster. The competition is a disaster. So much effort and mental effort. The first guy was unanimous, though. We all have some kind of understanding of what- What Sass is saying, and I agree with him, he thinks what he's showing us is rules.

It's like Project Badass and Always Sunny. Right. And none of it rules. But then it also rules because none of it rules and he thinks it rules and his name is Travis. I think it's awesome. It looks like he's having a blast. I understand everything you guys are saying.

There is a world in which something is so not funny that it's funny. I don't think that's what this is. That didn't even cross the line. Look that's what this is through a weird lens this is just a guy right i watched it back with you and i felt disgusted in myself that was a terrible video from the start this was ever good this is the dumbest idea ever i want it over with that video was great but hold on i know what you're saying like there are things that are so not funny they're funny and that if you just look at through that prism i agree with you but then add the layer that

travis thinks that's hilarious i just i think kb brandon and i and and i don't know the backgrounds everyone in the room but i know that like the three of us are from just like bumfuck middle nowhere like we i would imagine we all went to high school with like a thousand of these guys to where yeah like it's not he's voted off there's not even a novelty to it it's just like i yeah there's nothing special about that that's the the thing that did he use his body to help his buddy get unstuck in a yeah i think so if that had been the video, I wouldn't have said no. But that was yesterday, right? Yeah, or whenever.

So today, I didn't. Yeah. He voted off, so. Yeah, Francis and I were just told. We missed out on a shooting. I think they're making a big mistake. It makes us pure. Yeah.

There's a purity to that. I don't think it was funny. We just all passed on Patrick Mahomes in the draft. Right. It's fine. We made a massive mistake. Totally fine. We won't regret this whatsoever. All right, TJ. Until you see the draft. It's fine. Made a massive mistake. Totally fine. We won't regret this whatsoever. RTJ, who's next?

Until you see the rest, because you're going to be like, that, we've got to go back to that. We could. We could go back. We could. We could. It's an uncanny process. The rest are going to be so bad that you're going to be like,

I don't even know what their thought process was. We only have one guy through right now? Yeah. But it might be the end of the competition. Next up is Travis 20, Travis Moore, who's diabetic. Oh, this guy is awesome. We only put him in because... What's up, everybody?

Appreciate Big Cat pushing me in the second round. So if anybody had anxiety-ridden diabetic on your Travis bingo sheet, just go ahead and knock that one off. I wouldn't consider myself a classically standout, funny person in the real world, but when you narrowed it down to Travis, I got a pretty damn good shot. He's reading this. You really proved your point by advancing me

that there's not really a true funny Travis. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes. Perfect, I rule. By advancing me that there's not really a true funny Travis. Yes, yes. Perfect. I rule this. Know when you know. He's reading a script about himself. He couldn't remember that.

Just funny diseases. Being a diabetic Travis is knowing that one day you have to explain to somebody that it was either the cupcakes or the cement retaining wall that you slid into why you lost your foot. I appreciate y'all. I hope you have a good one. He's in. Lovely. Perfect. Can we play his first video again for Titus and Friends?

Because it was a low point for the Yak where we're like, this guy sucks. And then he dropped one line and we're like, yep, he's in. What's up, TJ? As you can hopefully see here, my name is Travis. And I'm from Kentucky. I'm 32 years old. I'm named after my grandmother.

Her maiden name was Travis. She couldn't get married fast enough to get rid of the name Travis. I have two kids. One on the way. Another boy. Same due date. June, like Big Cat. None of them have been or will be named Travis because I haven't found one I hate enough yet.

I am a diabetic. That's it. It wasn't as funny. You got to stop rewatching. That's my bad. That's my bad. He played it perfect. We also knew that he was diabetic.

If we had found out there, that would have been funny. I'm starting to realize that the people who said that Tuesday's episode, because I said afterwards that it was one of my favorite episodes because there was people who were like, that was incredible, and there were people like, that was the dumbest thing I ever watched. I'm starting to think the dumbest people I ever watched, they were probably right. I feel self-conscious watching it next to Francis. No re-watching.

I'm liking these. Okay. All right, so we got two so far. Next up is Travis24, Travis Brachowska, KB's friends or whatever. Oh, have you passed him? How do we put him in? You just had pictures, didn't you? No, he did the dancing.

He had the dancing. He's dancing in the bar. Oh, fucking him. Oh, shit, didn't you? No, he did the dancing. He had the dancing. He's dancing in the bar. Oh, fucking hell. Oh, shit, is he underwater? Oh. Same video. I just went straight to it. Oh, no.

Charity Golf Scrambled. Good that we got the context. I had a party at my house, and we did the keys race with you guys with some friends, and me and my cousin actually won it, we beat uh big cat and roan but uh kb and owen lost the first one i was going to send them these hot gummy bears but kyle never responded what address to send it to so i got drunk and took one for the team unfortunately i can't find that video right now i can't hunt it down on this short amount of time man that's funny no that's not funny no it's funny to be like i have a really funny video but i can't this is how you fall in this

trap you guys are allowing guests so hit me up if you want to win. Oh, fuck. Yeah. All right, I'm going to go ahead. Travis, I mean, I got to get you out of here. We will be in talks. I thought it was very funny to submit a video and be like, I have this really funny video, but I don't know where it is,

in a video that he submitted. It's really funny. You keep coming up with unrepeatable funny things. No, I know. That's funny circumstances around the video. I feel like if you have to explain why it's funny like that. I laughed. Yeah. I guess I'm just in love with Travis. It would have been funny if you just did a one minute

video just repeating being like, man, I wish you guys could see this video. I can't find this thing anyway. You guys would love it. Kyle, you would love this video. Next, how many do we have left? One, two,

three, four, five. Five. Shit. I don't think we should push ourselves to get six. Four. Whatever it is, whatever it is. Might be two. Next up is Travis DeJong, Travis number 30,

who last time submitted a really shitty PowerPoint presentation. Oh, yeah. Wait, we passed that guy through? Yeah. We didn't even, we watched one slide of the PowerPoint. There was something about, it was, I think it was only two slides. He reached out and said, it's funny how life imitates art. This shit is in my genes.

And then he sent this video. Fuck. Fuck. Check study has been a savior for what I have felt stuck. This is gonna get weird. I like where this Jerry's cock is gonna pop out. Yeah. What the fuck?

He's got stiff ass jeans. Oh man, I'm begging you. I like it. Come on. I love it. It's funny. I love it.

This is good. Nothing gets me like a good stiff pair. That's good. That's awesome. That guy is short to the point too. That's good.

That's funny. Really good. My favorite so far. His PowerPoint was literally two slides. The reason we passed him through is because it just ended, and we're like, all right, cool. Okay, he's in. Next up is Travis32

Travis Greg Who last time submitted the videos With Frank the Tank cameos Oh we passed these We all hated that video Why did we pass these along It's kind of late I've been traveling quite a bit

Went through the fridge It's kind of a mess But've been traveling quite a bit so. Went through the fridge, it's kind of a mess, but we're gonna do a draft. We're gonna do Travis twice, cause it's round two. Right, starting with the tea, we got the Tillamook treats. An old bread bowl, we got old rice, two really old asparagus, it's got a little moist tip, it's not great. An avocado, an avocado guac olive oil old veggies

I'm stuck food ice spinach and some steermint zins Oh My god No. No. Not the zins. I mean, we would do that.

I actually, when he put the zins in, I took my Travis down. That was funny. Is that a thing? There's not a single laugh in the entire room. Okay, now wait a minute. This goes to your principle of was he trying to be a funny Travis or was he trying to yak? This is another guy who's in the uncanny position where he's doing something that we would even do on the show. Trying to be on the yak.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. I feel like drinking three zins. You're right. Talking through helps. You're right. I feel like drinking three zins. You're right. Talking through helps. You're right. I like the effort that he put in, though. I would have said.

You just talked me into voting him off. I would have said, what is he going to do tomorrow? What's next? Probably something else Yak related. He'll probably do a case race. He's going to be on Zoom. Ask Banana. I don't know.

Circle him, TJ. Right. We can come back? Yeah, let's come back to him. Oh, okay. he's gonna be on zoom ask banana circle him TJ right you know what circle him put him in the bullpen we've been doing this Travis competition for over 48 hours I will say these videos are all considerably funnier at like 3.30 in the morning when I watch them next up we got Tavis oh Tavis Breg Oh Tavis Bregel

Tavis Bregel Wrong consonants all around We passed through Because we thought it was funny That the R was in the wrong place That's it That works Should be Travis Bregel

He should just submit A Times New Roman heading of his name That's all he needs to submit. He's going to ruin it for us. Should we even watch his video? He didn't even submit anything last time. Oh, look at that. He's got a Travis shirt.

Toyota logo? Toyota? That's damn good. All right. He's going to do it. When the world wants you to be Travis, let me tell you a little bit about what it's like to be Travis. When I was young, every time we had a substitute, my classmates waited for bated breath to call me Travis. And every time I had to give the speech,

no, my name's Tavis. When we got a new high school football coach, I was so intimidated of him that I let him call me Travis for several months. On my first date with my wife, she didn't know how to pronounce my name, so she never said said it so i had to send her a video before my second date to tell her no my name's tavis with my employer toyota that i've worked for for 15 years they've sent me uniforms that have He's doing it. He's in. He's in. That's good. My name's Travis. But don't worry. This mistake happens all the time. Then I get documents, official documents, insurance cards, license.

Keep going. Play the hits. To make sure that it's spelled correctly. And a lot of time, I have to send it back. I didn't even mention my last name. I don't think anybody got that right. It's Tavis Bregel. Oh, wow.

You ruined it. No, no, no. I'm not going to lie. So anyways, Big Cat really got me and described it best. Regardless of what you do in life, I have to live a life of Travis. He does. Even though I'm Tavis. Even though some people really don't believe me when I correct them.

Is that the baseball prospectus behind him? He's got multiple. He's got the almanac. Oh, I like this guy. He's a front runner, right? When he pulled out the Travis Toyota. Yeah, that was it. Caught my eye.

It was embroidered. It wasn't even screen printed. Yeah, he has the worst fate a human man can ever have, having to live the life as a Travis without being one. Yeah, that was good. Okay, so we got three and a half right now, right? Four and a half. Four and a half.

Four in a circle. Yep. Next up, we got Travis Rand, who did a little presentation last time. Wait, did Maldonado? Where the fuck is Maldonado? Where's Maldonado? Oh, good. It's not kissing ass, though.

Stella Bale Electric Bath is the best coffee on the market right now. Hey, Yak, just want to thank you guys for making me one of the 14 funniest Travis's in America. And you know, at this point, people are going to be trying to curry favor with the judges. Cheap tactics, if you will. I just want everything to be fair.

You know? That's really what this is all about. 9.8. This competition is supposed to be fun. You know, fun like going to see Lil Sass live at the Funny Bone on March 2nd in Albany, New York. Oh.

Fun. On my vote. You know? I just want it to be fair, right down the middle, and a good, honest competition from everyone involved. So thank you guys, and I look forward to making the top eight. And I've got to go rewatch all of Rome's rap battles now. Thank you.

God bless America. Okay. I thought he was the funniest by far. I have a follow-up question. Will I be at the Funny Bone on March 2nd? Yes, I will. His left eye? I didn't.

Yeah, he said, ignore the freakish eye. I've had three cornea replacement surgeries in the last 12 months. Whoa. True luck of a Travis. Whoa. Oh, you guys are assholes. Yeah, that's how I saw it. I was like, I gotta go.

Hey, listen, man, I didn't notice it. That's where T-Boz and Chili were. All right, so wait, vote. Oh. He's gone. That's too bad. I liked him. He also, how did he look exactly like Travis?

It's like some people have pandered and some people haven't. And it doesn't necessarily mean they're gone or not. But the pandering, if you don't land it, is not fun to watch. Right. Completely agree. Yes. And that was really heavy. I just felt bad.

I just felt bad about the left eye. I'm left more confused by each one. I like the fast pandering, though. It is the murkiest competition that's ever been created. So I continue to just go off of, is this funny? That was not funny. I think you've knocked everybody out, haven't you? More or less.

If we all separated and had to go into an enclosed room and had to write down what this competition is, we'd get seven different answers. I don't even know. I keep gerrymandering the meaning of it to fit what I want it different answers. I don't even know. I keep gerrymandering the meaning. It should fit what I want it to, but I don't even know anymore. All right, next. Disaster.

Last but not least, we got Travis Maldonado. Okay. I hope. Surfboard dude? No. That's the fat guy. The big guy. Simone guy.

He's good. Please. What's going on, guys? How are you? Captain Fashion. Second in, a.k.a. Carter T. Huffman. It's roughly 5.58 in the morning. Couldn't really sleep tonight.

Real busy night. Gotta wake up to take my parents to the hellhole that is fucking JFK in the morning in about two and a half hours. So if I am so lucky to move on and you don't hear from me, TJ, it's because I fell asleep driving and I'm dead. I appreciate

you guys sending me through. I'm glad you liked my video. The other Travises's the bar was pretty low it was pretty low I mean we had Snowmobile Jordan looked like a fucking nematode in a swamp he was like

it was entertaining but I didn't even know which one was really him was the funnier one the other kid I agree with that it was probably his name was like Greg or Darren you're not a judge we don't even know which one was really him. Was the funnier one the other kid? I agree with that. It was probably his name was like Greg or Darren. You're not a judge, buddy.

We don't really know. He's doing a different tactic. That takes off a couple of points. The other kid who gave me a chuckle was Travi Insulin, the kid with diabetes. Not that impressive. I mean, I got diabetes as well. I just happened to be part of the conversation. Diabetes plays.

It really does. And I look forward to being the world's funniest Carter T. Huffman as well. So I hope you select me. I love you guys. Big fan. And I hope to hear from you on Friday. So Francis and Titus, the prize of this to win is they get to be renamed Carter T. Huffman. And I actually, I'm going to say this right now, I think Travis Maldonado will actually change his name. I think he would too. I think he would. I think he would.

I will say also there was a lot of people calling for a legit check on this Travis because Travis Maldonado is the name of Joe Exotic's deceased husband. Oh. But he sent me a picture of his birth certificate. Oh. Whoa. All right, so he's in. He's in. So we have.

I vote in. How many do we have? He didn't even submit it. He just did like a video. And a diabetes line. He got us. He knew he was kind of in, though. He was confident.

He made elephant noises. He is. I don't know. That one is like. Diabetes. I'm not. Diabetes. I would raise my.

I mean, he got a group laugh out of all of us. Sure, but I don't know how much rope he has left. But it's like funniest Travis. Right. Doesn't necessarily mean that they're funny. They're by definition not funny. Tomorrow are the finals. Well, there is not right now, I guess.

Maybe. It's whatever. How many do we have? One, two, three, four, five and a half. Bring the six guy back in. You think so? You want a six? Or you just want to go five?

I don't know why. Yeah, let's just go five. Let's go five. Who's the guy in the bullpen? You know what? If we had to circle someone, by definition, he should not be in. Five. We got a fab five.

I think the guy who blended all the shit in his refrigerator was better than the last guy. That was a circle guy. Maldonado? You didn't like Maldonado. That was the last guy. That was circled. Maldonado? You didn't like Maldonado. That was the one last. Like the middle. I think if the video was he comes on, he's wearing a Captain Passion shirt, and then he just says, one of the guys has diabetes.

I'm not impressed. I do too. And then it cuts. And I think that because he lost me in the middle. Like the middle was like dragged on. And then he got it. Francis doesn't like fat people. Yeah.

That's correct. I liked, frankly, I liked the fact that the other guy had asparagus in his refrigerator. I was like, that smoothie's green. That is halfway healthy. I don't know what we did today. We got down to five. Yeah, whittled it. What, Steven?

I have the presentation for today. Oh, yeah. How long is it? Five minutes. All right. Let's do it. For what? Steven created a presentation.

This is the most scatterbrain yak we've had in a long time. Oh, yeah. I even forgot about this. I asked him how I needed help onboarding as a new Barstool employee. Yeah. So Steven created a presentation for what to know. So this is something that I actually pitched for way before you signed on, Titus.

And I said, I've been here six and a half years, and I know a lot of the mistakes that have happened. So I just made a definitive do's and don'ts list for new hires. This is great. Working at Barstool Sports. Okay. By Stephen Che. All right, we've come a long way since newspapers. Working at Barstool Sports. Okay. By Stephen Shea.

All right. We've come a long way since newspapers. 20-year anniversary this year, obviously. We can kind of speed through the first couple slides. Barstool slash pen. Just a couple do's. Just a couple do's. Be smart about the language that you use.

If you have questions, reach out to Jack McCarthy or Westy. Elaborate on the language you use. What does that mean? Brandon says the N-word a lot. Wow. Don't do that. Wow. Okay.

Things like that. That's not what you were talking about here. You were talking about gambling language. Gamble responsibly, of course, and only promote responsible gambling. If you don't gamble, don't force it. It's not required. Be authentic in yourself. Okay.

Now let's get into some don'ts. Learn about your coworkers are a critical list of do nots when you work at Barstool Sports. Josh Prey. Famous incident. Yep. Do not push or physically assault your coworkers,

even if they call you a moron from Mississippi. That's a good one. Well. Zero tolerance policy moving forward. He's on his Travis tip. I'd like to point out I didn't get fired, so if you can do it. This is the paradigm of assault in this office.

It's kind of silly. I'm sorry. How many people have assaulted other people and lost their jobs for it? Well, there's only been two real assaults, and one Rico missed. Yeah, it was an attempted murder. Both are still employed here. Yes. All right.

Got you. So, yeah, really, that doesn't apply. Yeah. Speaking of which. You can assault people. Do not throw things or threaten other employees, especially if they call you by your first name. Okay. D'no.

D'no. Do not challenge this man to a rap battle. Looks can be deceiving, but he is actually the GOAT. The axe. Why did he get a nice slide? Do not talk about Dave's sex tape. Okay. Wait.

Okay. This slide is a federal crime. I'm not talking about it. That's Dave's sex tape. What are you talking about? I don't even know it. What are you talking about? Yeah, what?

I'll be completely honest. I will be completely honest. I don't really know much about it, Steve. Now you do. See, now he just exposed it to another person. Give Titus the details. Now you're actually distributing it. This is one of my fears signing on here.

I'm not well-versed in Barstool lore. I just kind of dabble. I kind of watch a few things. I wasn't a huge Barstool fan. I just like PMT and the Yak and Macro Dose Scene and Sunday Conversation and Donnie Don. So, yeah, Steve, what is the sex tape? Can you explain it to me a little bit? It was just a video that was released that we don't talk about.

That's it? Just a video? Yeah, pretty much. Okay. All right. Well, I'm left more confused now. We can move this one along. Do not bring your girl around this man.

Very important. That's very important. All right. That should have led the whole thing. Oh, have you talked to him yet? I have not, no. I will say there has been a very bizarre 24 hours of just the – there's like a sense of like bubbling war going on that.

Like I'm completely oblivious to. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's going to happen. Who's like, I'm, I'm, I'm,

I've missed this one too. I have no, but like I, who, who, who, Jeff, I understand this is,

this is, this is not a good move by me and I'm going to catch heat for this, but who, who is all right. So Jeff has one of the college basketball podcasts. You should know, so he is Mr. Steal Your Girl. It's just very straight because every other

place I've worked, when someone gets hired, he gets welcomed in by the people that he may or may not be doing content with. He welcomed you. Oh, he did? Yeah, hold on. I'll show the... I'm not throwing him under the bus. He welcomed you. TJ, can you... There is a group of people here that when you get Oh, he did? Yeah, hold on. I'll show the... I'm not throwing him under the bus. I just like... No, he welcomed you.

I'll show... TJ, can you... There is a group of people here that when you get hired, they're like furious. No, he was very welcoming of you. That's great. I would love to...

Is he in the New York office? Oh, God, no. No, that's the guy that was in Dave's sex tape. Well, if I'm wrong, then I don't think it is. Where does he operate out of? Like, where is... Lancaster PA. Lancaster. Well, if I'm wrong, then I don't think it is. Where does he operate out of? Lancaster PA.

Lancaster. In the day-to-day. All right, well, let's collab. Let's collab. Let me show you. I'm going to find a scroll. Can you find it, TJ? Is there a more recent one?

Oh, I want to see the real welcome because he was very gracious in welcoming you to Barstool Sports. Oh, cool, cool. Sorry, I missed it see the real welcome because he was very gracious in welcoming you to Barstool Sports. Oh, cool, cool. Sorry, I missed it. I genuinely did. I'm not trying to – I don't mean to be – You find it, TJ? It was very overwhelming when I announced I was coming here,

so I'm sorry, Jeff, that I missed this. Thank you. I was like, damn, Nadeau is on board. Awesome. Cool. I'll try to find it. But he will steal my girl, still. Oh, that will 100% happen.

Yeah, nonetheless. He could be your best friend. Nothing you can do about that. He'll tweet that he wants to go down on her. Okay. And you'll be like, what? Good to know. And everyone will be like,

yo, that guy will. Watch out. Okay. All right. That's how it works. I think it was deleted. Oh, it was deleted, but I think I have it. All right. Well, I think I have it that's how it works deleted oh it's deleted but i think i have it

all right well and i think i have saved it well no i someone sent it to me in a text so i should have it all right well thank you for the uh the tweet however brief it was posted i remember seeing it being like damn yeah uh he quote tweeted your announcement video saying i'll also continue to say it. Remember, Barstool also has a show called Roundball that Marty Mush has worked hard on. Plus, I have a hoop-spinning show called Big Man on Campus. Oh, yeah.

Thank you. Really, he welcomes you. Hardly. Yeah. Yeah, that was really nice. That was his welcoming you to Barstool. So crazy. All he had to say is, like, welcome.

That he was like, just so you know, we have another box. Hey, awesome that college basketball is going to get more eyeballs on it around here. And maybe we could capitalize on that as also guys that are interested in college bet no no nope nope nope i guess that doesn't very well their brains all right he will still very good like this all right uh jeff let's not collab let us not collab you guys would be clapping all right next uh do not actively root against the can't-lose parlay. That's a fact. Especially if you're a new hire, do not do that. Yeah.

If you have a rooting interest and it's your team, that's okay. That guy had neither. Did it. I was one of the new hires. He introduced himself on a Sunday. I needed one last leg of the can't-lose parlay, and as I was losing it, golladay scored a touchdown for the giants and he like stood up and like was like fuck yes fuck yes i was like dude that fuck my

parlay and he's like fuck i fucking kenny golladay and then uh i was like whatever dude like i gotta leave the room and then the next day he came and apologized he's like hey just you know like i'm sorry i didn't actually have any money on it uh And I don't even, I'm not a Giants fan. I just, I was just pumped for Kenny Galladay. That made it so much worse. That's not a hard and fast rule, though. You can be, it's okay. Do not ask for a raise saying you did nothing before.

Oh, this is a big one. I will not help you, even if you're doing a lot more now. It was an interesting strategy by Sass. It wasn't. I didn't say that. I genuinely did not say that. Oh, no. This was like two years ago.

People still bring it up. People are like, oh, he asked for a raise. It's like, yeah, dude, fucking two like oh he asked for a raise it's like yeah dude fucking two years ago I asked for a raise I still didn't get a raise Sass was not bothered by it at all he just happened to shave his head like two days later

he basically had Britney Spears spiraling out of control for a couple months it was a combination of things I mean I was playing video games and I got off my PlayStation and I opened up Twitter and there's like 7,000 people tagging me.

And the promo that they used, they were like, Lil Sass, most delusional person I've ever seen in my life. Was that Trump or Dave? That felt like Trump. Yeah, it did. Okay.

Do not drink a beer at the airport on a work trip. Yes. And if you do, definitely do not post about it. This was a classic Bailey Carlin on maybe his first month. We never focused on how fucking crazy this overreaction was. It was insane. He drank a beer at the airport. No, but it was a work trip.

It was literally his first work trip. It was maybe like three weeks into him working. He's an adult. And he was like, work trip, drinking a beer. But it was a day that we had to work. We're going to see Dion for something. It was like a one-day work trip where it's like you show up, you work, you leave. Yeah, that probably was a little overreaction.

All right. Just don't tweet out your beers. Unless you want to become the beer guy. Then you're Dana Beers. That probably was a little overreaction. All right. Just don't tweet out your beers. Yeah. Unless you want to become the beer guy. Yeah. Then you're Dana Beers. Or Donnie has a whole termy merch line. That might be a good one.

Do not dress up as Kevin Garnett for Halloween. We don't need to bring this one up. It's the next slide. Don't do that. Don't do that. More of a quick hitter joke. Yeah. Do not write a blog about it. An entire slide. Don't do that. Don't do that. More of a quick hitter joke. Yeah. Do not write a blog about it.

Not an entire slide. That's a quip at best. Chase slideshows just a bunch of stories that he's like, we're trying to bury these. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah,

that one we tried to bury. That was a big deal. Let's bring up everything. Don't bring up the sex tape or when Gaz did Blackface. Hey, I know that guy. Don't write about an open investigation. Could cost you your job. I'm not even going to say anything.

Also, something we're trying to move past. Technically, the investigation wasn't open technically at the time the writing was closed refreshed the internet we're trying to bury that one alright next slide pretty closed case

do not bring your significant other to a gambling stream I wanted to use the actual picture but I was way too scared yeah that's also ok a gambling stream. I wanted to use the actual picture, but I was way too scared. Yeah. What happened? Who did that? That's also... Yeah, that was a weird one to bring up, Jay. Jay's going for the deep cuts right now. That hasn't been talked about in a long time.

I don't even know what that was. Nobody approved this. Do not DM, message your co-workers, significant others. Yes. Some things are bigger than Barstool Sports. Yes. That's a pretty easy one. Do not keep a secret hot gambler to yourself. That's a big one.

That was a funny one. So if you have someone who's giving you just nonstop winners and I find out and you've been winning and I haven't, I will... Yeah. You hell. Got you. All you got to do is see something, say something

when it comes to hot gamblers. And do not cross the street without looking both ways. Yay! Wow, Che. Next slide, next slide, next slide. That was it. It feels like a Travis submission. What a presentation.

It feels like a Travis submission. Oh, my God. Welcome to Barstool Sports, Mark. Mark, you know where I sit. Add Jay to the next round. You might not have a company as of tomorrow after seeing that PowerPoint. He just brought up everything. Everything.

I left like one or two things out. That was great. One thing I have noticed so far working here, as opposed to other places, is people are not afraid to take shit to work here. I am not trying to take shit to work. I go in to pee, and it feels like every single time someone's grunting one out. Oh, yeah. I actually shit here probably more than I shit my house.

It's a problem. Too many shits here. Yeah. So I don't know if – yeah, I guess – yeah. I don't know what to do about that that Have you seen the people that work here? Yeah, a lot of people don't have They don't have the ability to not go five times a day

They can't wait till they're home Yeah, so I guess that's It's just disgusting humans that are, you you know shitting if you didn't think Francis hated fat people before

I'm today here a lot of them it's like you can tell it's already out too they're just waiting to make the walk to the bathroom to empty it

from their pants let's take this off air let's discuss this more I'd like to I'd like to see your notes on Barstow because I think you and I might be aligned on some of this stuff.

I get sick looking at some of these people. My favorite is you'll walk in the bathroom. You'll just walk in and both stalls will be full. And then both of them will be watching or listening to a Barstool sports podcast. And then they'll slowly turn the volume down because someone walked in. It is the busiest. It's a walked in. It is the busiest. It's a bathroom hub. It's the busiest bathroom in New York.

The seats are never not warm. Yeah. Yeah. I only go in the big bathroom, but that one also, sometimes if you go in, it smells really bad. A lot of people go in that one to shit.

You can hear everything. Oh, yeah. In the women's room. So there's a lot going on in there. I got to go do the rundown. Yeah. All right. On the women's room. So there's a lot going on in there. I gotta go do the rundown. Yeah. Alright. This was a fantastic yak. I think we hit everything and

we did it all poorly. That wasn't good. Oh, we hit a ton of topics and we did a bad job on all of them. Yeah. Felt very fulfilling. Alright. We'll see you everyone tomorrow for the final of the Funniest Travis Competition or not. I don't know. We'll see everyone tomorrow for the final of the Funniest Travis Competition or not. I don't know.

We'll see what happens. Good slideshow, Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che.

Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che.

Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che.

Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che. Che.

Che. Che. Che. We'll see you next time.