The Yak - Sup, @KB's Mom | The Yak 1-4-21

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

This wins the internet todayYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello? What did you ask? I asked if Roan was vaping. If Roan was vaping Nick. No, bro. Are you vaping? I wasn't vaping Nick. I don't fucking vape Nick, bro.

TFC? Was that better? I wasn't vaping anything, bro. I was vaping the vac, bro. Don't be the funny guy now because you were just puffing on something. What were you puffing on? I was vaping. Whoa.

I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry. Blue check mark. Everybody experiments in their early 30s. Now's the time. Is it early? It might be mid. Mid as hell.

Wait, no, you're 33. That's early. No, that's 34 is mid. 34 to 36 is mid. Oh, you're about to be 34. No, not for you're 33. That's early. No, that's 34 is mid. 34 to 36 is mid. Oh, you're about to be 34. No, not for a little bit. My ass is about to be 37. I'm about to be late 30s.

Shit. And look at me. I'm dressed like a fucking clown. Skyline Chili. Mid. I'm dressed like a clown. Dude, I can only talk in TikTok now. TikTok jargon.

But that's your boy, right? That's my boy, yeah. Who? MJF. Who are y'all even talking about? He does the whole mid bit. Oh, the dude who bodied Big F and got bodied by Big F? No, Big F bodied him.

Yeah, he got bodied. They both bodied each other. No, I don't think Big F bodied Big F. No, I thought Big F won that. Big F said he said cunt, didn't he? Yeah, he was like, who the fuck are you? Your mother's cunt. Yeah, he got him with that.

You say cunt, you're going to win. I couldn't even get the reason for AEW because he said cunt. I think even the fact that it was close is a win for Big Ev. Big Ev, yeah, because he was zoning out, and he's like, what the fuck's your problem? Also, calling Big Ev fat is like, what are you going to do? You just went for the lowest ball. Big Ev should just go, nuh-uh. Actually, I'm not.

But that's what wrestlers do. They take the lowest hanging branch and go ahead and beat you with it. That's their audience. Adrian Peterson. Damn. Talking switches? Switches. wrestlers do they take the lowest hanging branch and go ahead and beat you with it that's their audience it's all adrian peterson damn talking switches switches um no nintendo so you're vaping now i just um sass isn't here today because he's suspended because of his homophobia and uh so i he left me his vape uh that's cap because sass doesn't have a vape He just mooches off everyone Whoa Fuck We should have

Dude maybe they should put the vape in the vaccine The vaccine in a vape? That's definitely Vaccine in a vape yeah I mean they're putting it in pills Yeah that's a Brooklyn like As published in the New Yorker And Slate and Daily Beast

Yeah 5,000 followers Blue check mark being like maybe if they put it in a vape, people would start taking it. And I fucking would. This sir wins the internet. Six retweets, four likes. Who are you to deem who wins the internet? And then like five responses from the same people that respond to that person every time being like, oh my god, you're genius. TJ, let's award the internet to somebody.

Yeah. Let's figure out who won it today. You, sir. Let's just look up. It's always a dude. If you. Spider, you want to sit in? I'm good.

I just got my lunch delivered. Okay. All right. Shut up. What'd you get, Spider? What'd you get, though? Let us live in, Spider. Shut the fuck up.

What'd you get? Eat right there. Okay. What'd you get? What'd he say? Eat your lunch. Eat your lunch. That's kind of a weird combo. What did he say? Eat right there. Okay. What'd you get? What'd he say? Eat your lunch. That's kind of a weird combo. What did he say?

Soup and sandwich? No, that's... Oh, yeah, that's never been done. I look like a clown today. No, you look dope. Why are you coming at yourself? That's almost great. What?

This is one of the best ones. I lost my keys for five hours yesterday. What is he giving? He is giving... He's giving... YMCA 90s No I'm like I found someone who's

Down to buy some weed off of me For 80 bucks a gram and it's just total fucking swag Dude no I don't think that's what it is at all I think it's Italian You're giving kicking and screaming Halloween outfit What? Kicking and screaming See this is why I'm done with jumpsuit January

No dude I think this is one of your best ones. You can't be done with jumpsuits, January. And you've also done it for, is this our fifth year of doing it? Yeah, but I didn't do it the last couple years because this shit falls out of my pockets. I'm 37. Yeah. It looks good and it's fucking comfortable. It starts falling out of my pockets.

Is that a thing with age? No, it's a thing with sweatpants. Try wearing sweatpants every day for a month. I do. I did it for a while. You look weird in jeans. I know, see? It's jarring.

What do you do with your keys and shit? They don't ever fall out? Oft. Oft? Yeah. I currently can't get in my apartment. I have to use the master key for my doorman every time. Thank you.

Run up, run down, run up, run down. I'm six for six. I'm forgetting my keys. We didn't have keys in the last apartment. We got in with our phones. Oh. And now I forget it every single time. I remember when we got to your place and your phone died, though, and we had to wait outside.

Yeah, that was brutal. Owen, you got a nice fit. You got like a maybe second year writer on SNL Sunday morning fit. Oh, yeah. Walking the dog, getting the coffee, smoking a joint outside. Yeah, in Greenwich Village. Smoking a spliff outside type of fit. Putting the

keys in the pocket to make your print look bigger type of fit. Yeah, look at that. I'll give you the idea behind it. I was wearing my pajamas and then I put on the nicest jacket to make it look like a full outfit that I put together. A full outfit. Boys, I'm going to be out Thursday and Friday.

And about or just out? Yeah. All right, we're all set. You'll be all set. Maybe that means... Tank, we'll be here. Tank. We'll probably be here.

Thursday. Probably going to be all... Brandon, you're not going to Chicago, right? No, not even... You'll probably straddle two seats. Yeah. That would be funny. Naso's not going, is he? not even you probably straddle two seats yeah that would be funny Naso's not going is he

I don't think so we'll get him in what's in Chicago don't worry about it oh okay damn alright I'll tell you what isn't

yeah go ahead is it a saying oh quick announcement fuck you KB's mom Oh Whoa She is

Oh And she's listening right now She is And it's fine to joke about But she's ruining Yeah The emotional health Of our family

Look at this Not just our relationship For what Seriously though I love you That was a joke A bit I just did What happened

She listens to everything I ever say And then It Creates a gigantic burden a joke what i just what what happened you know she listens to everything i ever say and then it creates a gigantic burden on our entire family like extended included wasn't there she texts you something about talking about god right no oh yeah so kb posted this it says leaving this energy in 2021 it's a text message from his mom his mom said i know you don't like when i listen to your show but i did while i was waiting on my car to be serviced please do not go on steroids it will cause acne and it will make you angry and i think it's safe

to say you already have anger issues and then i i blew up on her in the car because she was texting and driving we were swerving onto the rumble strips not once not twice three times how long were you in the car with her? She just picked you up. She just picked me up? You haven't seen her for months. I know. She was excited. No, no.

The energy was matched. Equal? Okay, go on. And then she, so I thought like how I talked to her indirectly through this show. How long was she staying on the rumble strips? I would never express this to her in person.

I know, I saw it, and I was like, maybe I'll do this for KB. I'll stand up for my boy. I thought maybe it was like, oh, your mom listened to 10 minutes, and that's all she caught. Then she followed up with, don't try to tell me you were just kidding. Who is the girl that had three children and gave middle one up for adoption? Also, did you also really go to school with somebody whose grandfather invented cursive?

Listen to the whole show. The whole show. Your mom's on 10X energy. Yeah, she is She doesn't enjoy any of it No She's just checking in on you Yeah

Cause she loves you that much And you're that neglectful of her That she has to get you In whatever doses she can Right Well I think Guess what mom I fucking pierced my ear

Oh Move your hand You can see it less And he started doing heroin again Look the other way Move your hand Look the other way. Move your hand. Look the other way. Oh, the Lacoste earring.

The Lacoste earring. Guess how much I spent on it, Mom. Don't put the headphones back on. Just look at this. How much? More than she makes. Oh! Yeah, you just fucking salary shamed your mom. Why'd you stop Uber driving in 2021?

That was easy money. Good money, too. She was the only Uber driver in Wheeling, West Virginia. Well, no, your dad was as well. There's four. Okay, is there four now? Yeah, there's a mile ride. I love when you go to random towns and you get an Uber driver.

It's like a pickup truck. Yeah. It's fucking sick. So I had to get a taxi service, but it was pretty much just an Uber. Was your mom? And the guy was talking, and I kind of figured out who he was and what high high school we went to so i looked him up on facebook mid-ride and i accidentally friend requested him and the the notification popped up on his phone he didn't look at it thankfully but that could have been awkward jesus no i don't think it's awkward at all it's like oh this dude

is my boy now i think it's like the highest compliment that you sought out him and his friendship right away like i don't think it's true i think that compliment, that you sought out him and his friendship right away. That's true. I think that it shows that you care about him and love him. So you went to Ohio to get a taxi service to Pittsburgh. No, it picked me up. You didn't even think to ask me. I did the day before when I was stranded at the Ohio Valley Mall. You didn't ask me? I kind of hinted at, hey, I'm stranded here with no ride.

There's no Ubers that are working. I was hoping for you to volunteer. I did, and you said, hey, I'm stranded here with no ride. There's no Ubers that are working. I was hoping for you to volunteer. I did, and you said, no, I'm good. No, you said, I don't have a car myself, or I would. Yeah, but I could have. You couldn't have gotten a car? Sister. If you wanted to, you would have.

You could have. Why didn't you invite me to the mall? You know I love the mall. What are you saying, Tunic? I was at Planet Fitness in Supercuts, which is a phenomenal. Supercuts. Supercuts is a phenomenal. Sport Clips.

Sport Clips. That's where you were. That's where you were. Nick, weren't you saying, though, the other day that you and KB routinely hot-wired cars in high school and stole them? We hot-wired them, but we just moved them to a parking spot over. God. Frank. Badass.

They never noticed. Not once. Reverse siphon gas. The freshmen hated us We could always move their car over Closer to the school Wait how did the freshmen have cars bro? Oh no

That's wheeling Yeah everybody's at least held back two years 18 year old freshman I'm gonna get a text Did the freshmen at your school really drive? No mom That was when you were prostituting too, right, KB? Yeah, we're definitely

going to tell KB's mom a bunch of shit about him through this show. You know what this is called? It's called muddying the waters. My mom called me the episode I had a baby Ruth crying, but that same episode

I told the story where I thought I did fentanyl. She didn't comment on it. Oh, okay. She probably just doesn't know what fentanyl is. Nuts for nut allergies way more severe than fentanyl.

Some people get off on fentanyl. Sass tweeted a picture of me asleep on the train saying I was off a bar, and my mom called like five times. I woke up to five missed calls. Damn. She was livid. Why didn't you wake up after the first one? I was off a bar.

Why don't you fucking hit up your parents? Yeah, talk to them. It feels like they're just trying to catch up on your life. I talk with my mom all the time, and she should know that I am not. You clearly do not do drugs when you're on public transportation, only when you're driving. Does she like her hair dryer you got her for Christmas? Yeah, she liked it. What, did you get her one of the Revlon ones that kind of wraps around?

I got her Dyson. Dyson? That's a vacuum. What? What did you get your dad? I got him one of two. His volume's crazy right now. Damn, it must be.

He's quaffed up. He must be. Fucking closer to God, honestly. Hair like that. How you feeling, Nick, after Big Ben's last game last night? I'm just happy he gets to go home to his beautiful family.

Beautiful wife. There's no way that's his last home game, right? I hope to God that Big Ben, and knowing him and how unintentionally hilarious he is, he just shows up to training camp next year. He might. But I think it's going to be like four more years. But I feel like Pittsburgh went all out,

so he doesn't do that. Yeah, a little bit over the top love. Yeah. Goodbye. So there was somebody that was holding a sign that said, thank you for 18 bentastic years. Oh. What the fuck?

Bentastic? Yeah. Maybe a little bony. There was that other sign that said, Baker, your spare parts, bud. That's bad. That was really mean. That's brutal. His commercials are funny.

Yeah. But he's so bad at quarterback. That kid was so bad. When did he get bad? When did he get so bad? He got hurt. He got hurt. He got hurt. I thought going into this year, though, he was so bad at quarterback. When did he get bad? When did he get so bad? He got hurt this year. He got hurt. I thought going into this year, though, he was going to be good.

No, he got hurt. Does anyone ever want to be a quarterback? The money and the pussy? Yeah. The fame, the power, the money. Aside from that. But you are constantly getting degraded. Okay, you have money.

Would you like it if you're just, every time you get on Twitter, you're unanimously being harassed? it if every time you get on Twitter, you're unanimously being harassed? I don't think you go on Twitter. It's also statistically one of the safest positions on the field. Then you face the burden of not being able to look on your phone. No, I think quarterbacks don't go on their phone. There are eight quarterbacks in the world that I respect. I like how you capitalized.

Yeah, so you can't really miss it. Who are they? Dwayne Haskins, Mason Rudolph. Not even Russ. He gets shit on all the time. I shit on Russ all the time. He's got a tutty, bro. Why do you care about Mr. Unlimited like that?

He doesn't care about you. Mr. Unlimited. He's fucking Sierra, bro. He doesn't care about you. You don't want his life? You don't want his millions of dollars? It's not about that. Well, Seattle's a very nice place to live.

And Seattle is nice. Imagine having a beautiful blended family to wake up to. You've always wanted that. You'll never have a blended family. What do you mean? Well, you might. Futures kids. You'll never raise futures kids.

You'll never raise futures kids. I already fucking do, yeah. You also found out you can't have children, right, recently? Does your mom know that? It's just an accident. It's just from an accident. That's one thing I will never breach on. I promised a child.

I promised a grandchild. A masculine child. Your family line ends with you, right? Do a heat map around KB's cock. Oh, no. Why is it so cold? Dude, get your phone away from your balls. What are you doing?

Why is it blue? Why is it all showing up blue? That means phone away from your balls. What are you doing? Why is it blue? Why is it all showing up blue? That means it's freezing cold. That means there's no sign of life there. Your mom is going to have so many text messages she's going to have to send you. Your mom is weird that she's watching this. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, no. You made that, mama. Oh, the cops are here. Your penis is too small. Oh, he's heating up now. Oh, boy. He's got a mood ring, dick. Is that the Kelvin filter?

No, it's red right now because I'm mad. That's why it's red. And it's bumpy because I'm cold. There's goosebumps. Starting to really look like a pussy. Oh, this is fly. Damn, what's that music video that was like this? Did Drake do some shit like this?

I think it was Rio to Young OG. Oh, yeah? Yeah, you mixed it up. I think he was Spice Talking to this music video. Him and Grindhardy. Obi O'Brien, bro. Obi O'Brien was supposed to be the next GOAT. He was supposed to be next up.

Yeah. Me and my white friends were stoked on that. Yeah. When he had that girl named Hazel. That implies. Yeah. You don't have. Yeah.

You could have just said friends. My freshman year roommate was black. Oh. And my first kiss was an African-American. Whoa. What was the dude's name? Did you like to ask more questions or. Was it like weird that you kind of like, you know, on the first night at Real World,

whenever they show the people hooking up and then the next week, like, oh shit, we've got to be roommates? So you and your roommate, first night of college? Yeah, it was tough. Like, oh fuck. Did you kiss him on the first night? We did right off the bat to just be friends once we got to school. But that only works for one person and not the other one.

Did you just show up to freshman year and just be like, you know what? Let's just kiss and get this out of the way. Real quick. Come on. We know we're gonna kiss. Dude, I knew a kid whose freshman year roommate he always wore jean jackets, but then he would also publicly, he would masturbate

in front of his roommate. There's a correlation. Yeah, I really think that there is. Honestly, there's a reason I left with the jean jacket thing, but he would just jerk off in front of his roommate. There's a correlation. Yeah, I really think that there is. Honestly, there's a reason I left with the jean jacket thing. But he would just jerk off in front of him while they were both awake, not even when they were pretending to be asleep. He'd be looking at his bed. He'd be sitting on his bed, basically looking at him, looking outwardly into the room. So he would just leave the door open.

No, they were in the room together, a shared room together. And he would pull his penis out and start pleasuring himself. Damn. Why'd you hit the P so hard there? Emphasis. Emphasis. It wasn't my penis. It was this dude's.

My freshman year roommate was gay and I'm so... Was. Welcome. He was so welcoming. You fucked him so bad. I didn't even care. I also didn't know for three months. I thought he just had a bunch of girlfriends.

Really? Those were always hanging out. I was like, this guy slays. That would have been really good for you. It turns out he does slay. He slays completely differently. My third freshman year roommate was on full scholarship for ROTC. And then one day he wasn't there anymore because he ran his mile too slow.

And he just got kicked out of school. What a fucking idiot. What's a ROTC? R-O-T-C. Did I say it? No. I didn't know that was verbalized that way. No, you haven't heard it said that way.

They wear their camouflage on Tuesdays every month. Yeah. On Tuesdays, we wear camo. Yeah. My freshman year roommate was a squire boy. He was like a farmhand at a medieval castle. Oh, that's kind of cool. Sir Willem of Loxley was his name.

Jumping over moats. Yeah, that type of vibe. Like carrying a sword way too big for him or running up with a bucket of water and an apple for his horse type of vibe. Was that like Amish country shit? Dutch PA? I think it must have been.

I don't know. But he had a zero around the sides and then bowl cut around the rest of the way. It was kind of fire. Brandon, did you day hop or did you ever dorm? No, I never dormed. I never dormed. I grew up 15 minutes from where I went to college.

Did people dorm there, though? People did dorm there. Yeah, there's a lot of dorms there, but I didn't. Did you ever crash on the weekends? No, I wasn't. It was just a high school extended for you. I wasn't somebody who was invited to crash at people's houses very much. You got a bad attitude? You got a bad attitude? No, I wasn't. It was just a high school extended for you. I wasn't somebody who was invited to crash at people's houses very much. You got a bad attitude?

You got a bad attitude. No, I just. You got a bad attitude. They would go out and drink and get girls and stuff, and I didn't too much. What were you watching while they were going out getting girls? I was playing a lot of PlayStation. Reading the Almanac. Playing a lot of basketball at Zuber Park, you know, stuff like that.

Well, you were ugly as sin. Correct. I'm just were ugly as sin. Correct. I'm just picturing your face. I was 6'5", 175 pounds. I was not good. You didn't squat then, but now you have those big fucking tree trunk legs, big bulbous legs. What year did you get handsome? No, so there was only about a six-month period in my life where I was handsome.

I went from being way too skinny to way too fat. There was a six-month period in 2005 when I met my wife that I was pretty good. What about now, though? You're kind of in your heyday. I'm 40 pounds overweight now. But you've got good hair now. Kind of a shitty ROI for her. I would say so, yeah.

Well, I mean, she gets to live in a place she hates. With a ton of kids. Maybe one more. Yeah, yeah. At least you're never in a place she hates and be miserable. With a ton of kids. Maybe one more. Yeah, yeah. Hey, at least you're never home. Oh, I didn't tell her that. I didn't tell her that. Text her now.

No, I think I'm just going to do it. I think I'm just going to surprise her with one. With what? Another? That's rape, brother. That's what Petchke said, brother. No, sex will be consensual. No, there's marital rape.

It doesn't have to be hers. Let's bring it home, right? The kid? No, I think she's, I mean. It would be cool if you adopted like a five-year-old. Yeah, she's a pretty sure thing. I know that I can make one with her. We could kill two bombs when we're in.

Oh, Jesus. Two bombs? Reset. We should go kill two bombs. Two bombs with one stone. Two birds with one stone. And ketamine that KB's got us all on. Yeah.

Maybe you would have a kid. I never would have done ketamine. Yeah, with one stone. And ketamine that KB's got us all on. Yeah. Yeah, KB, you would have a kid. I never would have done ketamine. Yeah, you, oh. Today. What's that pile of powder on your desk, man? Oh, man. Your mom's already zoned out. She's listening to Baby Rexha.

She's her number one fan. You were very jumpy yesterday, too. What? About five o'clock, you were just jumping around. Yeah, dude. Yesterday. I was improvising athleticism. He was doing wild shit, too.

He was doing barrel rolls. He was doing full improv athleticism. Throwing a football to himself and diving to catch it. Yeah. He was on some Tommy shit, honestly. Yeah. He was rambunctious. It was impressive.

My boy was rambunctious, for sure. But I don't know what came over you. The desire to do steroids? KB's just a contact guy. I'm a gym rat. Remember YP? I have excess energy. I'm drinking tons of water.

Yeah, YP was the same way. Gave up Kratom. Kratom. He's a contact. Yes, dude. Just like if you just sit around. No, you guys are the exact same. Not the same.

Contact is your love language. Mm-hmm. Just a little bump into each other. No, I think a lot of people hate contact. Also, some people claim their love language is receiving gifts. Monetary.

Yeah, monetary gifts. That's a thing. That's fire. But you know how people are like, I'm not a hugger? I mean, those are people who hate contact. They love expensive gifts. I just don't get hugs. What do they do?

Come here, I'll hug you. See, you're not a hugger. They don't feel good. You don't want a hug? Yes, they do. You don't like'll hug you. See, you're not a hugger. They don't, like, feel good. You don't want a hug? Yes, they do. You don't like the embrace? No, they actually do. Hug Brandon.

No, they, like, give your brain, like, a dump of emotions. Hug Brandon. A dump of chemicals. Hug. I'll hug you. There's a million different ways to hug. Get up and hug him. Come on.

Choose one. Come on. Let's see this hug. I might write the book. Boy, you better climb him like a tree. Come on. Come on. Oh, so he's not a hugger.

That's not your love language. Hug his ass. Hug his ass. Not your fault. Oh, that was awkward. You put your head into his... Because you're so much taller than him. Why did you put your head into his shoulder like that?

No, no, him. He put his face directly into your shirt like he was going to cry or like he kind of kissed your chest a little bit. Keep that earring on, Kyle. You look like Jalen Hurts. It seems like a hug you've never seen in a shirt before. He's hugging his kids. We practice sports.

You're wrestling. Yeah, you would wrestle. Getting Division I scholarships. That's what we prioritize. Hug him. Give me a short girl. Give me a petite girl. I think I can pull him down?

Shank him when he's pressed up against Kyle. Do it! No, don't do it. He might not be wearing undies. Look how easy it would be to pull him down. It would be easy. You want to do his hand first? Press him.

Oh, that's good. That's a good hug. That's a good hug. Show off that earring, bro. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right.

Shoot the leg. Shoot the leg. Get low. Get low yeah. Okay. All right. There it is. Get low. Get low, big cat. Make sure you bend your knees and get low. He's going to get low on you. You get lower than him. That's a small package. Fuck.

Wow. I'm out. I'm out. Look at the smile. That was impressive, Kyle. I could have fucking taken him. You could have, but. I could have taken him, but his mom's watching.

You see how fast he got low? He got low. But you know what I just did? I just gave KB his release. That's what I want. He feels so good now. I hate when boys stiffen up when I try to cradle him. Just let KB pin one person a day, and he's happy.

You put your hip on his wrist, bro. That's so much better than a fucking hug. Yeah, that was good. I actually feel good about that. Why is that better than a hug? So you just need your cuddling to be more strategic. Manly cuddling, yeah. You're a dom.

You want to cuddle, but you want the person to try to get out of the cuddling. You're a dom. It's a BDSM cuddling. Yeah. You're a dominant cuddler. You're a top. We on. Yeah.

Top cuddler. Top boy a top. We on. Yeah. Top cuddler. Top boy. Greco-Roman style? Greco-Roman cuddle? No. Did you feel like you were in control of that situation at all? No. Yeah.

But you weren't. Yeah, my whole body just twisted like a pretzel. That's such bullshit. Well, because I also know that I've had that happen with KB enough that, like, you just got to go limp. Yeah. Because if you try to fight it, that's when IB enough that, like, you just got to go limp. Yeah. Because if you try to fight it, that's when I'll get hurt. But then it's not fun for me.

Right. But I don't want to get hurt. So, like, I've tried it before where I've tried to fight back, and then I hurt myself. Now, if you try to pin me or, like, do anything, I just roll up into a ball of dough and let you do your thing. Yeah. It's crazy how getting squeezed by someone will put you out of breath. Well, I'm very much out of shape. I went up four flights of steps yesterday, and my Apple Watch dinged and was like, we

see that you're working out. But why four flights? Where were you at? I was parking garage. No. Shit. Come on, bro. Parking garage, bro. Come on, bro. Shit. Come on, bro. Parking garage, bro.

Come on, bro. Wait. Come on, bro. Come on. I was about to talk about Sass. He's not here. Sass. He has his car in the city, though.

Does he still? A truck or some shit. He's going to parking garages. Yeah. He's parking. Is that a necklace, Nick, or is it part of your shirt? Is it drawn on? That's part of my shirt.

It is? I had no idea, yeah. Huh, it looks cool. Where's your dead Marcus chains? You gave yours away to a man at a bar. I know. I got mine right here. Oh, no.

I regret it. Why'd you give yours away? He was flirting with a man. He was real flirtatious. And KB gave him his necklace to remember him by. I think I took that dead Marcus chain way more places than any of you took your dead Marcuses. I was fucking wearing it every day, doing dead Marcus checks on you guys. I was good for a while.

First couple days, no one was even wearing their dead Marcus. Whoa. Who dat? Chicken Fry. Purple hair. Purple hair. Oh, no. Looking like goddamn Marge Simpson.

Yo, I got the new iPhone. It's too big. No, yo, yo. I see what you're doing right now. Move your pinky. Move your pinky. You can't have your pinky on the bottom like that. It's going to rip your...

Can we make a sympathy graphic for Big Cat? Brand new phone's too big. Too big. The phone is too big. That's why I keep the 7. I need the home button. Oh, my. That is a big phone.

It's enormous. And you don't even have a case on it. I just I need the home button. Oh, my. That is a big phone. It's enormous. And you don't even have a case on it. I just always get the biggest phone. And this one showed up, and it was like, wait, this is a computer. You want a big screen to look at. Right. But at the same time, though, it's so heavy to carry that you have to throw this. This is my phone.

Do you think it's too big? Yeah. And you drop it all the time. Yeah. Because it's too big for my hand, no, I'm downgrading. You're not going to downgrade. I am. I'm literally going to go.

Dude, this phone is too big. It's simply too big. If you're going to switch now, if you're going to switch, though, because you're going to get used to it. Yeah, I know. And then it'll be too small if you go back. I'm going to do it today. No, I know. Is that the 13 plus?

13 plus. Pro Max. Let me see it. This is the 13. This is the regular 13. I downgraded. It's so much bigger. And you do no case because you're rich?

No. I did it because a case on this would literally be too big. That's a misconception. People always say, oh, it's because you can buy a new phone. I wrote that blog like eight years ago. And I like the feel of a phone. And also, it's a thrill when you drop your phone without a case. You were making less than little sass when you

wrote that blog. Significantly less than little sass when I wrote that blog. Yeah, but you were happy. You were content. I was. You were lucky to have a job. Damn. I guess fucking money's not everything. You had a relationship with your grandparents. Yeah, I did. No, they're dead. All of them.

Damn. So thanks. Thanks a lot. I still think your lack they're dead. All of them. Damn. So thanks. Thanks a lot. I still think your lack of relationship is probably healthier than his. At least yours has an excuse. KB, you said you hope all your grandparents die, right? Nah, I love my current living one to death. I'm a 1G boy. We got any 4G boys?

We already talked about this. No 4G boys. What was the rule? He's 5G. Well, Lil Sass is 4G, but two of them, the Gs don't know his name. I'm a 1G. You think anybody's 5G in this office? I'm out of Gs.

5G? Definitely. I've been out of Gs for a while now. Or a step-grandparent. A Siamese grandpa? Does that exist? Are there any Siamese grandparents? Definitely.

There's no way. Definitely. What do you mean there's no way? Are there any Siamese kids? There's a Siamese mall. There had to have been some. No, Siamese parents, I mean. Of course.

Of course there are. You think that the Siamese aren't fucking? I don't think so. I think they might be fucking. Who are they fucking? Who would fuck a Siamese aren't fucking? I don't think so. I think they might be fucking. Who are they fucking? Who would fuck a Siamese? That's so fucked up. Oh, no, that's fucked up.

That's super fucked up. That's fucked up. Why wouldn't people fuck each other? Ronnie and Donnie Gaylord. Yeah, but they don't have kids. How do you know? Ronnie and Donnie's actually great names. Wait, are they the dudes that brawl out with each other?

I think there's videos of the dudes just being attached. Oh, no, no, no. We didn't mean that's videos of the dudes just being attached. Oh, no. We didn't mean that reaction. We didn't mean that reaction. Yeah, they're awesome. Can we stop? Trigger warning. Can we stop looking at this?

But we didn't mean that reaction. Can we stop, please? Now, look at it. Let's try it. Let's run it back. Why did you say oldest? I was just talking about ones who are daddies. Dude, it looks like they fart into each other's butts.

Oh, okay. They brawl with each other. They probably share sexual organs, though, so they probably are co-parents, which is healthier for the child. Those guys were cat-dog. That's why your wind's low. Damn.

Are you still watching Sopranos? That's what you look like, honestly. Yeah, I do. It's some Sopranos shit. I look like a guy who got maybe killed randomly in season two by Richie April, Sr. I bet that guy, our security guard out there, beautiful blue eyes, used to wear a suit just like this back in 93. 91. Where's he been?

I think he's comfortable enough to get in here now. I think so, too. He's a great guy. He knows just the act. Has he been? I think he's comfortable enough to get in here now. I think so, too. He's a great guy. He knows just the act. Has he been on the road with you? Oh, he's going to take a dump. Yeah. He's the most regular guy in the world.

He made sure the coach was there. He has not been on the road. Just Mike and Anthony are the ones that go on the road with us. I haven't seen Anthony in a while. Anthony was just here. Yesterday? Yesterday evening. Mike was here this morning. Anthony was just here. Yesterday? Yesterday evening. Mike was here this morning.

Anthony was here yesterday. Yesterday afternoon. And they all have equity? Yep. They all own 20% of Bars. They strong-armed us. What can you do? It was a hostile takeover.

They had the fucking guns out, but we didn't have any guns before they came in. Bro, when's your lunch with Beeman? You owe us a lunch with Beeman. Yeah, I'll do it. You should do it at Johnny's Luncheonette. Any other questions? I thought we had to do it out here. Oh, that would be better.

Yeah, that would be better. But for whatever reason, there's been a pin put in that. What's the Owen angle here? Yeah. Pin her with a cradle. What's the Owen part of this? Hot mic. Your side. Oh, yeah, that's right when I wasn't here. pin her with a cradle what's the Owen part of this hot mic your side

oh yeah that's right when I wasn't here every time I'm not here it's just like there is bad things that happen 50% chance

not every time hit me up and be like what happened on the act today yeah Thursday and Friday yeah

it's a problem uh huh maybe run a best of best of season 6 or we should just just episodes without you should be taped and released at 3pm that works Maybe run a best of Yeah Best of season 6 Or we should just Just Best of these three days Episodes without you

Should be taped And released at 3pm That works Or like have a dump button Like live radio I fucking remember Live radio bro That shit was crazy

Dude we should go back Yeah I miss it That was fun Let's just go back To Sirius hat in hand And be like I'm tired of people

Acting like it was Better though No It's the same No it's the same And it's also And it actually has Better elements Go back to Sirius hat in hand and be like, I'm tired of people acting like it was better, though. No. It's the same. No, it's the same, and it's also... And it actually has better elements. It was more accessible to people in the car. Miss the collars, but I would say 10% of 5 to 10 were worth it. They missed the three or four Hall of Fame collars that we had.

That candy reveal was something. Candy reveal. Yeah, exactly. And the dude in Pittsburgh who was stuck outside of his apartment. But Tommy Walker smoking a cigarette was awesome, and that's something we never had. I'd like to point out, Tommy Walker never smoked a cigarette. He was secondhand.

He was in the room. He was secondhand. He smoked multiple cigarettes. We were smoking here. Secondhand. He's going to have long-term issues. He asked me last night, he said, Dad, do you think my TikTok

did well? And I said, what TikTok? And he said, Ron came and got me and grabbed me and brought me into the TikTok room.

We did TikTok together. Yes. And so I have to report back if his TikTok did well. It did incredible. It went viral. Fuck yeah, dude. I forget which TikTok

he's talking about. We need to have another maybe, oh, what, what is this? Can I, say who it is? Say what? What is this? Can you say who it is? Say what?

Who is that? Who is that? That is the PR lady for All Elite Wrestling. AEW? Yeah. Tony Khan's ass is here again? He'll be here at three, but there's going to be another guy here.

Another wrestler. Let's say he's not meeting with paper or scissors. Oh, my God. No way. No, correct. He's not paper or scissors either. Neither. Nor.

Or the rock. Absolutely not. Oh, fuck no. Didn't think I had to say that. Or a stone cold. That was your first episode. Oh, the rock. The Rock.

I got it. And the hot mic was, I asked Kyle if he had... We'll hot mic Thursday or Friday. I got a hot friend named Mike. Do you? Maybe I should bring him in. He's got big balls.

Is this a part of the mic? He's got big balls. Is he part of the mics? Yes, yes, yes. He's hot of the mics? He's got big balls. Is he part of the mics? Yes, yes, yes. He's hot. I got actually a couple of them are kind of hot. A couple of mics. A couple of them are pretty hot.

Oh, Obes. Man Rocket. Oh, Obes is pretty hot. He's a legit man rocket. Yeah, he's hot as fuck. The ladies love him. How many mics are there? Mike Grinnell?

Who's? I think Mike Grinnell's hot personality-wise. Oh, Jesus. He got a hot personality. And you just think so. Maybe. I think he got a super hot personality. He's Boston hot.

See, rollerblades. Boston hot's a thing. See, rollerblades. Have you seen the thing on TikTok that is making fun of Boston guys' heights? Saying that guys from Boston are short? Oh, yeah. Have you seen that on TikTok? So you haven't seen it all. Oh, wow. Making fun of Boston guys' heights. Saying that guys from Boston are short. You haven't seen it all. Oh, wow.

A Boston girl when she's with a guy over 5'6". It's like, welcome to death row. That's funny. I think Jersey guys are the shortest, probably. Italians? Italians are short, yeah. Italians are short. That's like saying a year went fast. Yeah.

And racist. Yeah. Yeah. And racist. Yeah. Yeah. They got changed. They got fucking sandwiches. What's going on with this girl meeting out here? That's what I'm saying. There's too many girls in here, bro.

There's so many girls in this office now. I think she tweeted she's going to run it back. What? Who did? Who did? Jordan? Did you still ever realize we're zooming in on them? This is technically the girl yak now.

Fuck. This is just us yakking about girls. I think there were more, though. Uh-oh. Just brainstorming. Whoa. What the heck? They're probably online shopping.

All right, take them off. Zoom down on the left shoes. I need those. The platform covers? You could never, bro. Oh. Oh. Well, you need them.

You could never. How many inches do you think they give you? At least one. Five, ten in those. Shut up, bro. You're not from Boston in those. You think that's five inches? Oh, honey.

Fall back, dude. Che was dying at that, honey. Fall back, dude. Fall, yeah. There's too much for that. Che was dying at that. Are you trying to show my boy up in front of these girls? Che, you don't know what a small penis is. Che threw his head back in laughter at that one. Che is shit on your head. Che lives in like a... Height is number one to him.

That's social currency. That is true. To him, it's fucking... His height number one. Billy football is also... Billy football is convinced anyone who's shorter than him, he can beat up. I will wrestle him. Yeah, I know.

Not even wrestle. I'll fight him. Yeah. Run up on him, then. Run up and get done up. Billy probably can beat up most of the people shorter than him. What does that mean? It's not a fact, though.

No. Not a fact, but I mean, I would take his chances. Are you talking about in here? Because everybody in here is pussies and sucks at sports. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, thanks to Roan's TikToks. You are.

Yeah, that's your whole idea. He just loves getting the whole office roasted. Oh, and I'm going to do it again soon. He plays the hit. What should I do next? I do like fucking. You could do anything. We'd get destroyed.

What's a good like universe? Oh, yeah. Your free throw motion or something like that? I don't think I'd ever. I think I could jump and not get roasted. Swinging a golf club. Swinging a golf club would be great. No, not golf.

Or, like, catching a pass. You're a good throwing and baseballer. Not throwing baseball, but your swing. Ground ball would be pretty funny. Ground ball would be incredible. Even without a ball, it would still look funny. Just watching people try to bend over at their waist. The hip flexors in here.

Turning a double play. Yeah, we got some tight hip flexors in this office. Mine included, though. What's done in the dark should be brought to the light with our unathletic asses. It's facts. You're an athletic big cat. Nah. On the spectrum of barstool.

Maybe, yeah. Yes, that's true. Remember in that basketball game when it was a fast break and you gave Smitty a head fake? You kind of came up on the left wing, dribbling with your left hand, head faked him, and then you fucking laid it off for a dunk? Oh, yeah, in TBT. That was sick. That was a super athletic move. No, no, you laid it off to somebody, though. You gave him a full head fake and fucking gathered with your whole legs.

Like, that was a very athletic move. Euro step before Euro steps were cool. Yes, dude. You were Euro stepping like a young man who you have. Euro stepping on people. You don't. What happens to your basketball games? I feel like you used to have, like, morning basketball games.

It's back. It ended with COVID. It's back. It's just the fall. You're going to do it? Yeah. They've been asking used to have morning basketball games. It's back. It ended with COVID. It's back. It's just the fall. You're going to do it? Yeah. They've been asking me to come back on Saturday mornings. The problem is the fall.

When did you last do it? It was before COVID. I don't remember you ever doing it when I was on the show. Well, it was two years ago. Right before COVID, we were still playing on Saturday mornings. Then COVID happened, so we missed a whole year. And then this fall, it came back, but because we travel all the time. But I'm going to be back.

I'm going to get hurt. I know I'm going to get hurt. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, that was a different game. But, Brandon, you also had an athletic jumper in the video against KFC. I'm a terrific athlete. That's what I – well, no. I'm just fat.

All right, slow down. You're not, but I'm trying to give you a compliment. I'm trying to offer you a compliment without the – I was a great baseball player. I was a terrific athlete. That's what I – well, no. I'm just fat. All right, slow down. You're not, but I'm trying to give you a compliment. I'm trying to offer you a compliment without the – I was a great baseball player. I was a great basketball player. Slow down. Slow down. You can ask anybody.

All things considered, that jump shot looked pretty. I have a great jump shot. I'm trying to give you a compliment. Is it your best sport? Yeah, basketball and baseball, yeah. You won a dunk contest. I did, the 1997 West Point High School Slam Dunk Contest. You were the only white person in the competition. You were the only white person in the competition.

I was the only white person in the building. I beat Dwayne Jefferson to win that. He played in Greece. I remember every time I've seen anybody in here do something a little bit athletic. Owen one time threw a baseball at a Jenga block and was like, oh, that's a pretty good throwing motion. That's a better throwing motion than me and KB were throwing. And then, of course, you wrestle.

Nick, me and you have never, we haven't ever. Can't do anything. Ever. Never will. I used to trick myself into thinking I could run a ninja warrior course. No. Is there any ninja gyms around here? We should go to one.

Of course. A ninja gym. Isn't there gyms? I went to one, and I popped my shoulder out trying to do the wall immediately, right away. You know the warped wall? Yeah. Fuck that, dude. I'm at the point now where I don't think I'll ever

run again. Not even in the basketball league that you're joining? Well, if I was training to be ninjas. Imagine saying that to someone who's paralyzed. I think I'll never run again. At one point, you will run for the last time. Oh, that should happen.

And it might have already happened. Have you ever been in a situation where, like, yeah, it's beneficial for me to run right now? Playing pickup basketball. Yeah. Catching a bus or train or some shit. But if you play half court, you can get away with it without running. Nah, big guy, you got to go hoop to hoop.

Half court is what I'm saying. Oh, half court. If you play half court, you can get away with it. Full court pickup sucks. Yeah, full court. Yeah, I think so too. And you can also pretend to run by how you move your body. Like if you do this thing, it looks like you're running.

But if your feet are always, one is always on the ground. I think I've officially run for the last time. Have you guys ever ran like an organized race? Yeah, I did really good in an organized race. No. Like a 5K? Oh, I've done a 5K, yeah. Yes.

Slowly. What a depressing event. Oh, the worst. Nobody looks athletic. Even the guys winning, they're like snots coming out of their nose. They shit themselves. They shit themselves terribly. Maybe not.

I don't think they shit themselves in a 5K. That would be hilarious. I might run a 5K, and it's going to be like a solid turd, too. All of those events are just like an excuse to go to the bar after. Why don't you just go to the bar after? No, it's an excuse for people to feel an accomplishment and make people come watch them do it. Right. I just feel accomplished just waking up every day.

That's perspective. Didn't Donnie shit himself going through the airport or something like that He claims he said it was all a joke, but it was so real, but he let he yelled it Y'all in front of the whole plane and he just shit himself Yeah, I think Joe's joke can manage to make it smell like shit You say that right it was a convincing leaked on a woman's shoes woman's shoes? He was texting us mid-flight. I've been in bits before. It was so real. It's too real?

But then we said it the next day. He was like, no, I didn't. We were like, what? So he got embarrassed. He realized that he had overshared and shit himself. I think you over shit. He wanted to just do a little bit. A little bit as a joke.

Enough to say you shit yourself, but not enough to fill your shoe. A dude shitting himself at the airport and then yelling about it and just being a relatively sound body and mind like Donnie is, is pretty funny to me. Well, as we were walking onto the plane, so we were in line. So these were people we sat next to. Yeah, you're going to be trapped in a vessel, an airtight vessel with them for hours. walking onto the plane so we were in line. So these were people we sat next to. Yeah. You're going to be trapped in a vessel an airtight vessel with them for hours.

Yeah. Fuselage. A fuselage. You're going to be in a fucking fuselage for hours with these people. Have you ever been woken up by the need to shit?

Like that second? Yes. Yeah. Yes. Oh yeah. That's tough. Part of being a man. Yeah.

It's like you wake up and you have like five seconds to sprint before shit's just falling out. Is this live? Is he saying this now? But we have the texts. Okay. Yeah. And I think it was. No.

I never released it. I could have easily. Way worse is waking up and having to puke. Yeah, that's horrifying. I hate it. I think actually having to shit's worse than having to puke. No, because shitting's awesome. Shitting is awesome. Yeah, but the shit that wakes you up I hate it. I think actually having a shit's worse than having a puke. No, because shitting's awesome. Shitting is awesome.

Yeah, but the shit that wakes you up at 3 a.m. is not a pleasant shit. Yeah, but the puke is like, you don't just puke once randomly. Yeah. You get the shit out. You're going to have more, yeah. The shit can just be done. You refill with puke. You know that the ladies definitely also wake up with the sensation to poop as well.

I think that's when they get them out. Yeah. They set alarms. In the dead of night. Dead of night. They definitely have a different rhythm. Secrecy. Circadian rhythm that allows pooping.

They're just letting piles out. Yeah. Just dumping piles. Just a bog. Girl poop. Just a disgusting bog. A massive bog. Fucking bog, yeah.

I think that's what they call it in Australia. A bog. KB, you want to help potty train my son? That would be nice Or just some tips maybe You did that right? That was your job I would Yeah they would

I had to like give advice You freelanced I was a consultant You're a freelance potty trainer We would just wing We'd be like Did you try like giving him him a tablet or a toy? No.

What about playing music that he likes, but only when he's using the potty? You want to know how I learned? Pavlovian. How? My mom put Cheerios in the toilet, and I peed at them. So wait, were you like seven? How do you remember this? I was told.

Oh. She lied to you. And I was thinking of poop training. I thought you were aiming your poop at Cheerios. I thought you were like a fucking drone strike artist with that ass. That would have been impressive.

She was throwing them up in the air. Ski shooting. When do you have your first memory? Seven is the age of reason. I remember. No, it's got to be before seven. That you have your first memory? Seven is the age of reason. I remember. No, it's got to be before seven. That's not your first memory,

but that's when, like, after that, you're remembering most stuff. I got to get that answer because... Yeah, before you stop saying shit.

I think it's around three or four. I was saying shit the other day. I was watching my son and I gave him an iPad to watch cars while I took a shower

and he just walked in and just watched me shower. It's more interesting than cars. I remember being like that's got to stop eventually. Yeah. You're going to remember

you're going to remember your dad's dick at one of these. Yeah. He just was staring at me like what are you doing bro. And once you remember it you're never going to forget it.

Fuck. Is it weird with like holidays for kids that young like you want to make them as happy as you can in the moment, but you're like, are they going to remember this? Yeah, they don't remember their birthday or anything.

An hour later. But every interaction with your kid is so meaningful. At a subcutaneous level. And significant to their lifelong development. That's huge. I love that. Get down on the floor and make eye contact. I chased down that garbage truck today. I don't know if you saw it. It was a sick one.

What happened? Did you say hi? No, just to take a picture so I could show it to my son later. Oh, nice. We watch a garbage truck compilation video on YouTube. It's awesome. No way. It's just garbage trucks. There's some good ones for adults. How did you know? Are you talking about the...

Look at that. Look at that bad boy. I got that thing. That's a good one You took that picture I took that picture That's a pretty good one So Oh man How about the ones that Like have the forklift

That comes out the side And it picks the shit up On it's own Oh yeah The recycling It's always fun to see Videos of that Yeah there it is

Look at this Look at this It's got sick music too What birthday would you be okay with him Maybe riding one? Like holding on to the side. Yeah. Yeah, that would be badass.

ASAP. Get that done. Don't play the ad. All right, here we go. Trash. Okay. Garbage trucks. Ultimate.

Oh, we go the ultimate. Did this guy get all this footage himself? Play it real quick. My favorite is Penguin Z. I love garbage trucks now. Look at this shit. This garbage truck is just doing it. He's a big YouTuber.

Wow, it can't just ride around the cul-de-sac, huh? I don't like that garbage truck. I've always wanted to live on a cul-de-sac. What don't you like about it? What's your umbrella? Oh, look at this. It's too fancy. Too much separation between the truck and the garbage.

And that's not that big of a vessel in the back that it, like, you're wasting garbage space. TJ, you'd be good at this. Also, these houses are not that rich, and this seems like a rich person's garbage. Well, you don't know where it is. That's Beverly Hills. Those houses are all $3 million. This guy kind of showboated. I think it's in Yakima, Washington. But there's no area code on the fucking phone number.

It says Yakima. And that was the start of the compilation. Look at this. Okay, so that's sunny California. That could... It has to be. I think it's Arizona. Look at the license plates.

That's a fucking beautiful day. Maybe New Mexico. Gorgeous day really that's a fucking beautiful day maybe New Mexico gorgeous day it's a lot of foliage for New Mexico no KB not necessarily that is okay talk to me paved road talk to me nice yeah front plates what'd it say oh this is not this isn't oh that's probably pac Northwest. Because of the rain? Because of his shorts. Yeah, camo shorts. Ah.

This is efficient. This is what we do for hours. I get it. That's what we're doing. I definitely get it. I get where he's coming from. I just get locked in. Should get him a copy of Trash Truck Simulator. What?

They have that? You have it? Trash Truck Simulator? Is it a video game? Garbage Man? That's fire. Oh, whoa. What's this guy doing?

That's a tiny-ass dumpy on there. That's not a ass dumpy on there. That's not a fatty dumpy. The cab of the truck is bigger than the back. That's disproportionate. And he was a little rough with the can. That's big. Oh, this is the good stuff. Sheesh.

This is, yeah. Ed Coe. Oh, man. First try. Slide it in. Bam. And yahtzee. Light work.

Easy. A little extra shake. Yeah, that's awesome. Probably got all the wet stuff out at the bottom, too. You know there's some wet stuff. Look at the ground. It's windy, too. Stuff probably flew in.

You got to account for the wind. Okay, waste management. This is probably Jersey. It's probably blew in. You got to account for the wind. Okay, waste management. This is probably Jersey. It's probably East Coast. Waste management's Jersey, right? Or is that Pennsylvania? That's everywhere, isn't it? Is it?

Yeah. Isn't the waste management classic in, like, Arizona? Oh, good call. Whoa, flip. You'd think that they have a monopoly on all waste management if they're big enough to have a golf tournament? No. Probably because you can't quit this video because you're like,

all right, let me see the next one. He left the trash cans further down the road. Bad spot, poorly done. And a little bit of wind might knock those guys. Those guys whipping. Look at this one. I've watched this video like ten times, and I still don't remember any of it because it just glazes over you.

None of the plot points. Yeah. That guy was making sure his trash got taken. That's an ice cream truck. Oh, we got a New York plate. What is this? How does this work? It's an recycle.

So he just smells it? This guy is just driving around stealing garbage. This guy is not a profane. He's a hobbyist. Come back here with that. Yeah, you're right. He's a garbage enthusiast. But that's lucrative.

In New York, that's lucrative. You can return shit for cash? No, he collects it. Oh, he's just a collector? He just likes the items? Is this a trailer park? Here's where I keep my banana peels. it for cash? No, he collects it. Oh, he's just a collector? He just likes the items? Here's where I keep my banana peels. How do they line up the uh, they just do it by sight?

Yeah, they must be awesome at those fucking claw machines. Yes, their whole life is a claw machine. Yeah. They probably have so many iPod touches. Yes. Teddy bears. Whoa. Look at how that flattened out. That was fucking something.

I wonder what they do in Curious Yoil. It's got to feel so satisfying to go to the dump at the end of the day. What? What was that? Did I ever speak about KJ? Is that a college? The all-orthodox Jew town. Oh, yeah.

You've talked about it. In, like, New York, right? Yeah, in Orange County. It's not too far from here, Jew town. Oh, the town. You've talked about it. In, like, New York, right? Yeah, in Orange County. It's not too far from here, is it? Probably not too far. Less than three hours? Want to look those up? What are the rules for Orthodoxy?

What would this... Are they not allowed to use electronics? They're kind of like hooligans. Really? Can you spell that? K-I-R-Y-A-S. And then Joel. Hooligan?

Yeah. What do you mean? I've seen viral videos of the kids running amok and the Poconos and causing problems. The Curious Yoil Boys? No way. Kids of all creeds run amok. Isn't there like a reality show about

one of the people left this community? Yeah, what did that say? Breaking Jewish? I think they're kind of corrupt. Yeah. There's Jewish mafias everywhere. You're saying there's a good one in Curious Yoil? Brandon's just brimming with anti-Semitism right now.

Brandon's not looking at the screen. He's fuming. Why is there steam coming out of your ears? What are we watching here? What are we watching for? Where are all the girls? What are we doing? This is just Williamsburg, dude.

What's the deal? I love when a group of Jewish dudes hold hands and dance. It's so fucking cool. I don't know why more religions don't have holding hands dances. When they're, like, all in a line and they'll, like, drop down and, like, get their ego on. That's brotherhood. That is fucking being bros to the max. Two bros that, like, can hold hands and dance.

KB's right. Those guys did look like hooligans. They were running amok there. It's like them and high school hockey players are the only ones that utilize team haircuts. Yeah. And they're good. But why were you wondering about Curious Yoil's garbage disposal? Why wouldn't they just have normal garbage disposal there?

I would like to see. Why do you think there's anything but normal? I'm watching videos of Jews being like, they're up to something. He's trying to find the clues. What the fuck are they doing This shit is fire It's a different culture This shit is fire Yeah

Yeah They're fucking lit right now You think they practice I love this A kick Zero percent on the Bechdel test Bliss That's pure bliss

It really is When you get a full zero unbelievable look at their they're so in sync too yeah they're good this needs we need some music

over the top of this oh is that that wasn't the music I expected yeah that wasn't what I expected either these boys are fucking talented. It's probably good cardio, too.

And the sense of community that they have probably has them living longer. True. Yeah. Living for each other. Community, I heard, it makes folks live longer. I heard down in Costa Rica, they have worse health care than us, but they live longer because their sense of community is stronger. Take care of each other.

Yeah, that's probably true. Yeah, I'm positive about that, bro. You want me to fucking do an over-excited pussy? Think about it anecdotally. If you come in with an issue, we're going to make fun of you. We're not going to be like,

hey, man, go get that checked out. Our doctor's offices are what's killing people out here. Speaking of people who have issues, what's up with Sass? He's on suspension because he's homophobic. Yeah. You guys got Antonio Brown on Son of a Boy Dead?

We did. That's sick. He was pretty good. It is found that if people live alone or don't see a child once a week, the telomere length advantage vanishes. So people have longer telomeres, which is something that physically alters your DNA if you're around the youth, if you're around

young folk. I gotta start seeing a fucking kid. So it's beneficial or disadvantage? Bring in a tot. I brought in my son before break because we had to do the pro football show

and fucking that. Fucking Fasoli took a pic and posted it. No, that motherfucker Pete. Yeah, he did. He sent it to the group chat. Oh, did he actually? Fasoli did, yeah. No, he didn't. He was like, look, big cat kid reveal. I was like, yeah, I'm on his close friends. You're obviously not. No, Pete shook his hand.

Like a fucking asshole. What? Yeah. Probably didn't even get on. Pete is young Sheldon. Yeah, he was just like, good to meet you. He's not even adult Sheldon. He's young Sheldon.

Pete's older young Sheldon. And not Sheldon. Not Sheldon himself. Just full young Sheldon. Old young Sheldon. That's what we call him now. He is. He has every character.

You know, young Sheldon's on at fucking 7 and 9.30 on MyPHL or whatever. How are there even that many episodes of young Sheldon while that kid

has been a child actor? He's on a billboard in Times Square for like six months. Yeah, they just run dry. Does he have progeria or something like that? How's he staying so young?

Does he? He might. I'm not sure? How is he staying so young? Does he? He might. I'm not sure. Like the kid from The Middle? Oh, yeah. I like his shape. Yeah, people say they remind me. I don't look like him.

Yeah, a little bit. From Jimmy Eat World? I guess I do. Who? From what in The Middle? The sitcom The Middle. I don't know it. That's what janitor from Scrubs, Neil Flynn.

Oh, yes, yes. That's a funny dude. Brian Cranston. Crazy how people stay young. That's what janitor from Scrubs, Neil Flynn. Oh, yes, yes. That's a funny dude. Brian Cranston. Crazy how people still know him. That's Malcolm in the middle. No, Brian Cranston's in the middle. No, Neil Flynn is the dad in the middle. No.

And I believe Patricia is something. Agree to disagree. Are they having a second season of Your Honor with Cranston? Yeah. That's true. It's been on since 2000. Wait, is that Young Sheldon's date of birth? September 2008. We don't have the day, though, is that Young Sheldon's date of birth? September 2008.

We don't have the day, though, do we? They've just been fucking pumping out episodes. That's not the date of the show. When did the show start? Because... 2009. 2019, they said. So puberty has to be on the fucking precipice.

They're probably trying to... Well, they might just do another Young Sheldon. They might have another kid actor they just put in there. Aunt Viv him? Aunt Viv him, maybe. Or aren't they doing Young Rock? Isn't that a show, too? That another young show. They might have another kid actor they just put in there. Aunt Viv him? Aunt Viv him, maybe. Or aren't they doing Young Rock? Isn't that a show, too? That's a show.

Not Chris. No, Rock. Everybody hates Chris. But they're going to... Oh, yeah, they're going to do... What led him to get on that flight? Can you look up The Rock, age nine? What?

I want to see what he looked like as a kid. He was big. You know he was born in Pennsylvania? No. Yes. The Rock's a... born in Pennsylvania? No. Yes. The Rock's a... He's from Delco. Fuck that.

The Rock with a Philly accent. I feel like a scumbag Eagles fan would be so funny. Do you smell what The Rock's smoking? Fucking cheat day, dude. This is the geek, dude. The people's eyebrow. That's not 15. Look how wide his chest is. My god that anybody could have just typed that over

no you can't just do that yeah yeah it has to be 15 oh that's definitely him that's obama d1 like defensive end no one forgets that yeah well no one everybody knows miami no one forgets that at 15 number 94 duane johnson played with warren sapp same defensive line oh that's okay so that's Everybody knows that. Miami. No one forgets that. At 15? Number 94, Dwayne Johnson. Played with Warren Sapp, same defensive line. Oh, that's okay. So that's why you know. Is he Obama? I also like the run.

That's true. All right, I got to go. I have an interview. Sorry. All right, let's all get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

We actually, that was a test. It was, we were going to end the show the first time that Stephen spoke. Because he's in jail for his Antonio Brown. Speaking of which, I saw that Instagram. Steven Che was like, today was a great day. And he just didn't mention Antonio Brown. Yeah. Yeah.

Your silence is deafening. You're suspended. All right. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. It's time to stock shop We're doing Yankee pop It's the act It's the act