The Yak - That Sh*t is Literally So Gross | The Yak 12-6-21

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

On a beach with good ol Trace CyrusYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yak. The Yak. The Yak. It's the Yak. Monday, December 6th. Someone shit on the floor of the bathroom. No way.

Did they really? Yes. I smelled it, but I didn't. Wait, they shit on the floor? Someone shit on the floor of the bathroom. In the main bathroom there? In the mean bathroom. We have to pull the tapes.

Yeah. I mean, I thought that we'd be. We don't have tapes in the bathroom. Yeah, we're not allowed to. We can see people that walked in. bathroom. We have to pull the tapes. Yeah. I mean, I thought that we'd be... We don't have tapes in the bathroom. Yeah, we're not allowed to... We can see people that walked in. We're not allowed to pull tapes anymore. And no one can carbon date the shit. No one knows exactly when the shit dropped.

Is it a full shit or a leak? I feel like there's got to be some sort of... Like, the first person to go in after the shit was on the ground, right? But what if it was that person? What if it was that person? Framing the person before them. Man, they would be a good actor if that was the case. If you walked into the bathroom and there was a massive shit

on the ground, would you continue to go to the bathroom? Wait, where did you hear that it was large? Wow. I guess I didn't. And you are one of the best actors in the office. That's right. I guess I just assumed it was large. Statement, I did not shit on the floor in the bathroom. Neither did I.

I didn't even hear about this until Roan said it. No, but I can see how maybe it could happen. Oh, no. Just ask the self-conscious of his shits. You had to say it was massive. Who left this giant, massive turd in here? I did take a shit in the bathroom today, but it was small. In the bathroom?

In the bathroom. In the toilet? In the bathroom. In the toilet? In the toilet. On the toilet? On the toilet. We got a whom's done it right now. Did you guys see that picture that was going around? I got a big whom kick.

The big turd? The big turd. I sent it to the boys at 4 a.m. last night, I think. That big turd that the woman is rushing in the hospital in a bedpan? Please don't pull it up. Pull up the big turd. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Pull up the big turd. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Stop. Pull up the big turd. No, no, no. Don't. Stop.

Why are you trying to get us canceled? It looked like Pepperidge Farm made it. Yeah, it's not gross. Really? I didn't think it was that gross. It looks like an eggplant. An overgrown eggplant. It's healthy. Don't pull it up. Don't pull it up.

Don't. Don't. TJ, pull it up. Don't pull it up. Please don't pull it up. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. No. Zah, TJ, do not. What's the backstory there? It had to have been an Oxycontin turd. Yeah, I was about to say, it has to be an opiate backup. That's not an Oxyturd.

That's an Oxyturd. You get impacted. Jesus. And then passing that shit must have been like fucking giving birth. Yes. To Trent. Pull up the big turd. No.

Pull up the big turd. No. Flatly don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. I'm also a no. Just close your eyes. Close your eyes. To Trent. Pull up the big turd. No. Pull up the big turd. Flatly don't. Don't. I'm also a no. Just close your eyes. Close your eyes. It's not that gross. It's not gross.

It's about the longevity of this show. All right. Pull up the big turd. No. Don't. It's about the show. What do you mean? It's not about the show.

This is about you and him. What? How is this about me at all? This is only about you. This is the one that brought it up. You can't bring up a giant turd. We can't talk this much about the giant turd without seeing the giant turd. I thought we had good enough language that we could describe the turd and give people chills.

You didn't try to describe it. Describe it then. It was an eggplant, a shining, shimmering eggplant. It looked like it was covered in a lot of varieties of eggplant. It looks uncomfortable in the bedpan. It's double the size of an eggplant. No, but an eggplant that grew next to a nuclear facility. It's like the size of an eggplant. No, but an eggplant that grew next to a nuclear facility.

It was zucchini-like, but it was like if Frank the Tank mated with an eggplant. An eggnog. An eggnog, yeah, sure. Let's pull it up. Stop. Why do you want to have a look at this? If you want to see it, definitely don't search Big Turd in the Twitter search bar, and you won't see it. Yeah, but that TV's right there. Stop, though.

This show is fragile enough as it is. We can see it through there. What about the show? Yeah, zoom in see it. Yeah, but that TV's right there. Stop, though. This show is fragile enough as it is. We can see it through there. Zoom in on it through there, TJ. Little loophole. That looks like a poophole loophole. Let's see it. No, that camera doesn't zoom. That camera doesn't zoom. Fuck yeah, that camera doesn't zoom.

Thank God. I'm going to look. Go see it. Go see it. You describe it. You used to be look. Big cat. You want to go look at the turds? Go see it. Go see it, and then you describe it. You used to be a writer, Brandon. You used to write professionally. Imagine that you were copywriting for Coca-Cola. Rona, have you lost your edge? The old Rona would have loved to look at a big turd.

Oh, shit, I am. I'm accidentally looking at bug turds. Oh, that's cool, too. Look at this. Microscopic turds. We can pull up a bug turd. No, it's the size of them. Yeah. Bug's whole body is filled with turds. Oh, that's cool, too. Look at this. Microscopic turds. We can pull up a bug turd. No, it's the size of them. Yeah.

Bugs' whole body is filled with turds. Oh, man. Bugs are full of shit. What type of bug? A ladybug? Because ladybugs don't shit. No, they don't. There's one thing I know about ladybugs.

That looks like a catfish. Get over here, Sass. Oh. Welcome to the big beach. Yeah, I won't stay still. Describe it, Brandon. Act like you're writing a speech for it. It's like an aubergine. Act like it won't stay still. Describe it, Brandon. Act like you're writing a speech for it.

It's like an aubergine. Act like it's running for mayor. It's like an axe handle. An aubergine. Don't talk French to me, daddy. It's like the branch of a pecan tree. But I think they got a... We resweeted it from the Yak account. Okay.

I think we have a small... They gave it to a small nurse. No, that nurse is... That nurse is like Jordan Davis. That nurse is big. That's a little college football for you, Brandon Littlecross. Listen to Pig Central. What's that dipshit dude walking behind her?

Why is he carrying the fucking turd? You always hold a turd for a lady. Now, she's not even small. Go ahead, browse around. I'll hold the turd. She plays roller derby. I'll hold your turd. He's spotting her.

In what world does that look like an eggplant? Push. Like a massive eggplant. What are you talking about? How does that look like an eggplant? You've never seen a eggplant. What are you talking about? How does that look like an eggplant? You've never seen a big ass aubergine? It's no aubergine. It doesn't have the curvature or the hue.

Aubergine is an eggplant. It's the British lingo for eggplant. Isn't it the French word for eggplant? It could be French. I think it's the French word. Aubergine. You guys are getting all tied up in nightshade. Just look at the turd.

Appreciate it. It's so shiny is what I – It's wet. Yeah, because it probably – the body probably had to produce a certain amount of lubrication to get that out, and so it coated it like afterbirth. It doesn't even look that bad. It looks pleasant. It's a pleasantly big turd. You think that would be pleasant to pass?

Not to pass. I'm just saying. Cathartic. How do you have a turd that comes out that big in one piece? The ass can stretch, I think. What was the site where they used to have someone have a 40 up their ass or something like that? You'd trick people into it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Was that Bottle Guy? Probably. Jar Guy. Jar Guy. Jar Guy. All of them soon, man. Yep. Yeah, there it is.

That's the turd, boys and girls. That's the best way to look at some shit like that. Gross. That shit's gross. That shit is literally gross. Lil Sass, how are you feeling today? Good. Are you sure? Yeah, I feel alright.

This morning you were putting out some sad tweets. I'm tired. I'm not actually tired. I think I'm just like overslept. Ah, too much sleep. I didn't do anything. I didn't get out of bed yesterday. Lots of prayers to sass. But I just feel like I have to have him move my body in a while.

You're not going to the gym? Going to go to the gym today. Good. Brought my gym clothes. What are you going to wear today to the gym? Shorts and a t-shirt. That sounds fucking dope. Bare bottom shorts. You going to wear today to the gym? Shorts and a t-shirt. That sounds fucking dope. You're going to the women's class today?

Oh, I am. I've been going to the women's class, bro. Don't you go before work? Sometimes. I go at all different times of day. I like to keep my body guessing. What's the women's class? You know what it is.

I've been inviting you to it. They don't have men's workout classes. Brandon and I came to that conclusion that men don't get to work out. No, we don't like to work out in groups. We like to work out solo. We think that we fucking know. I'm out here sussing who has bags under their eyes. And women will go 30 deep.

Yeah, it's crazy. They'll pack out a class at 40 bucks a head or some shit like that. I'm trying to have a boot camp class on the beach or something so you don't have to pay the overhead for renting the space. A little loophole that women fitness instructors do. I bet you'll have to have a permit to be on the beach, though, with a group that big. It depends on which beach. You think?

People do, like, workout classes in Central Park, don't they? Yes. And just at random places. Yeah. At random public areas. Yeah. It's a loophole for workout guys like us. Yeah, for all of us.

I would argue that most things on the beach aren't better. What do you mean? Workouts or just anything? You think beaches make everything worse? The sand portion is not better. No. What is better? Just lounging?

Digging holes. You don't even like lounging. It's the best place to dig a hole. It's the best place to dig a hole. It's true. It's good to read a book. I like reading a book with that noise in the background. I'd rather read a book with no wind, no sun.

Or when the sun is directly on your eyes and you're trying to read a book and you have to hold the book up to a cliff in the sun, that's uncomfortable. Well, you need an umbrella if you're on a sunny day

on the beach. You need some sort of shade. An umbrella? You need something to shade you. What if you're at a nice resort and they don't have umbrellas? You talking pagoda? Yeah, a pagoda.

Or a canopy. And not a can of piss. Not a pecan. Well, I feel like they're going to have the wooden staked umbrellas with the nice cloth. It wouldn't just be

somebody standing over you with an umbrella. Some places, they just don't have that shit. You okay? You okay, Sam? Overslept. He's overslept.

I'm fine. Maybe it's an anxiety response. You know who needs to sleep? Tacos and titties. They're self-imploding. Oh, yeah. They're going crazy. They're posting asses.

They're posting three in a row. They're deleting posts. Did they delete posts? They deleted the last titty post. Why? Probably because the comments are a little threatening. So our people are ruining tacos and titties?

The girl probably requested that. Yeah, hey, can you take this down? We need more hot girls or hot guys commenting. What do you mean? It's too much ugly?

Too much ugly in the comments? Damn, so they've only had one ass picture uploaded since the Friday act. I don't know about They alternate days.

Really? Yeah. So they're only a once a day post? No, they did three yesterday. They deleted the tits. Kept the ass up. We need more Borelli. God knows why. We need more Frankie. Did you see that girl reacted to your reaction to her tits? She giggled. She laughed

at me. What happened? She laughed at me. My reaction to her tits to how'd you see the last she's right out of her store or she wrote he laughed out loud in her like place of work she giggled she was laughing at me not with me I think she was laughing with you really yeah what was the laughs she's just laughing at the broth it was kind of like it was almost like a tee hee I think she's Dutch what makes you think that. I think she's Dutch.

What makes you think that? I think she lived in Curacao. Curacao? Curacao. Or is that Portuguese? I think that's Dutch. Curacao is Caribbean. Yeah, but I think it's... That's a Dutch island.

Bro, you were yelling one more time. Yeah, go back to the other seat. Not even avoiding the mic. Stifle him. I'm sorry. Stifle that shit have um i'll bury that deep down have you guys gotten any pictures of your merch that you've sold on no but that was fucking hilarious yeah we had a little boo-boo that makes me think you

guys did that on purpose no we did not it's a very you thing you probably wish you thought i wish we were that funny fill me in what happened someone got our uh anus crew neck and on the back it just said Nana established 2021. In like a live, laugh, love voice. We tweeted it. I hope the Nana that ordered that got a shirt that says anus. Yeah, I don't know how that happened. Who would that be for? Someone who just became the grandmother?

Yeah, someone had a baby and they wanted to. That's the only one that could be so funny. It's awesome. And I wish we thought of it. So is that a one-of-one or are there multiples out there? If it's a one-of-one, that person doesn't know.

That could put their children through college. But I think we may see some more of those. That means those type of things are like algorithmically made. A human doesn't make those What do you mean? Like those hyper-specific designs that you'll see

It's all You don't think that was an order structure? An algorithm puts together like fonts, texts, and like phrases And they try to like advertise it to people specifically I believe you But I would think that somebody was like, I'm going to get this for Nana. I could see someone actually getting it.

Because Nana is also a specific name to call your grandma. Grandma. Grandma. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that you guys should actually make those sweatshirts. I don't know. I feel like that's kind of better than the one that you actually made.

Yeah, it is. It has more ink on it. And it's more versatile. More ink is better for sure. It should just be a surprise every time. Like every time you're just going to get something on the back. You should do a shirt like somebody who blacked out all their tattoos on their arm or something like that. A white t-shirt but it's all

black ink over top. Yeah. Very stiff. Exclusively ink. Or when people make tree roots their entire tattoo to cover up everything, just to vague something underneath. But tree roots... It's his fault. Brandon, what are you doing?

I yawned. Why? You're empathetic. I'm an empathetic owner. Why are you yawning? I saw you yawning. I wasn't yawning. He's empathetic.

You want to make it feel better? I'm an empath. Trying to Miles Davis him. He's an empath. That's a good yawn. That means that we have a special connection. I actually had a poor sleep last night. So did I. So it's been going around.

I had a poor one. I had a real bad one. He had no throat pills. That's got to be it. I fell asleep fine, but then I woke up at 3 o'clock and couldn't fall back asleep. I was up from 3 to 5. You're excited about that. You fell asleep at 5 p.m.?

When did you say you fell asleep? I went to sleep fine last night. I don't know, about 10.30. Fine, not at 5. Yeah, fine.

I went to sleep and I woke up about 3, couldn't go back to sleep. And finally, when I fell back to sleep, then my daughter's school alarm went off

and then just never. You were up for three random hours? Yeah. Just laying, sitting at the table? Did you watch anything? You were on your

phone, weren't you? No, I put on Parks and Rec. I put on Parks and Rec the episode where they went to London because it's an hour long episode. I figured I'd fall asleep easy in it

and I did not. I watched the whole thing. Was Aziz in the episode? He was. Gross. I don't really like the international vacation episodes of most shows.

No, they're usually phoned in, but this one was okay. Sopranos was amazing, of course, but the rest were bad. Look, look, look, look, look. Yawn? Owen was just yawning.

Owen yawned. It's contagious. Something's in the air. Yes, he was. Is this a sleepy air? Are we getting minox? Are we getting a little carbon minox right now?

If we all die on this show, it would be fucking hilarious. But I would hate to do it without Big Cat, though. I would hate to die without him. He'd be fine. He would love that. Whole new cast.

Yeah. Who do you think he would replace us with? You don't think he would kill himself out of solidarity? No way. No, he has to keep it going. He'd bring back in

Jared and Colby. Or Coley. He would have... And Colby. Maybe Colby, too. Colby. You guys saw Colby on Friday. Colby saw us.

We didn't see him. He didn't even give him the time of day. Oh, yeah. How was the show? It looked awesome. It did look awesome. It was good. We were whooping it up.

There's a picture of you and Colby both with beers in your hands. You saw each other? Pointing at the camera. He saw me. I didn't really see him, but it was good to see him. And then I think you sent the picture into the group chat. You did. Yeah.

I also hornily zoomed in on what I thought was a girl, and it was Rob Fox. I thought I was getting side tits. My boy is hot, though. He does have a side peck as well. Does he go out shirtless? Not this time, but I think he probably had like a low cut, one of the low cut jaws that show a little bit of the corner breast. Bob Fox used to be on GoMad, and I think, Sass, you need to get back on GoMad.

Yeah? Gallon of milk a day? No. Why not? What is that, a milk a day? Gallon of milk a day. Gallon of milk. No, he didn't.

GoMad. Yes, he did. He's doing that right now? No, he's been on it, though. He's done it before. He's had long stretches of GoMad. Does it work? What does that do?

For what reason? What does it mean it works what? It bulked him up. He was trying to fucking eat. Why are you getting angry, KB? I mean, there's been...'s see why is he getting angry you need to go and go mad and fucking get some lactose in your in your body okay okay what's so wrong with milk look how angry milk makes him bro you got a problem with dairy farmers bro i love them i've had straight up milk. It was actually really good.

It was hot. It was thick. Well, no. He advertised it like, we met this dairy farmer. He was like, I don't take medicine. All I do is have unpasteurized milk. And he was like coughing and wheezing the entire time. He kept on dabbing his mouth like a kerchief.

He had the mannerisms of a very sick man. He was like, cured by allergies. He sounded like Bobby Bacala's dad. The unpasteurized milk was like phlegmy. Yeah. Ew. He's like, no, my kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews never been sick yet. They just die.

Yeah. They just die without any sickness. Unknown causes. Yeah, it is a phlegmy. Milk just naturally makes you phlegmy. Frank phlegmy. Look at there. you phlegmy. Frank phlegmy. Look at there. Oh, you're right.

I see what you mean. Oh, yeah. You might think some side boob. Oh, his lips are looking rouged. And he's got good volume to his shit, too. He looks like the nerd character, like the nerdy girl in a 90s movie or something. Like Rachel Leigh Cook. Yeah, when he's like all...

But I feel like there's like a specific. Or what was that comedian who was always in Dangerfield movies who would talk like this? Bobcat Goldthwait? Maybe Goldthwait. I might be thinking of Goldthwait. I think you brought up Goldthwait. I see what you mean. I thought that was a girl in the back for a little bit.

Yeah. It was like kind of young Paul Poundstone. You guys all looked sunburned like you just hit Planet Fitness. It's good that Colby shaved his head after the show. It's cool Colby doesn't wear his ring either. Oh, yeah. Pop that off for the pic. It's his wrong hands. It's on his left hand.

Stephen Chay knows, brother. It's on your left hand. No, no, no. It's this vein. This vein goes right to your heart. You have to mirror this picture. You've got to flip this picture. Hey, wait.

Let me take my ring off. You just slip it off. That was a little... Do you wear your ring on stage with all them bitches watching you around? What bitches? It was 1,000% men.

And two women who got engaged. Oh, good for them. Yeah, so they were off the market to each other. Yeah. I can't be single here any longer. Yeah. They were straight.

They were straight. They were in danger. Just to save into the concert. We're in danger. They did that just to save themselves the awkward conversation. Power in numbers. If we're going to get out of here, we need to get together.

It was like Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker going back to back with guns. Yeah. They took Colby's ring in the process. I'm the genre of creepy who only takes marriage

as an excuse to not talk to me. I need the ring. That's the only one. Some dudes are ruthless out here. They'll be going up to girls with their ring on trying to talk to girls.

Bad people. A lot. Bad people at least. What? You're talking about loveless marriages? You're saying maybe they're in a loveless marriage? But that exists. Oh yeah, sure does. But that exists. Oh yeah.

Sure does. But that doesn't mean that you're just going to go up to someone willy nilly with the fucking the ring on. Have a kid young. Just like ah

maybe we need to just have one more. Oh let's have one more kid. Yeah. Maybe we move to New York City. Yeah. And doing everything you can to refresh it

and then you just catch yourself looking in the mirror one day and be like it was me it was me it was me the entire time all along i tried to do all these little things to fill the gap in my life and it was actually me it was the climb that i should have been enjoying the entire time i got to my destination and i realized i just wasted the last it's all about the climb 15 it's always going to be an uphill battle. You know Miley Cyrus? Who? You know Noah Cyrus?

Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it. Oh, it's Trace. Trace Cyrus. He has a giant Indian chief tattooed on his stomach, I think. Hell yeah. Native American chief. Oh, I was about to say. The entire body of a chief or just the head or what?

I think it's just the head. The headdress? Yeah. He's hella inked. We need to go to Nepal as a fucking show. I've been saying that. Yeah, as a group. Like, who's...

I bet five out of the six of us will never get to Asia. That's fair to say. I feel confident I'll never get to Asia. I would love to go to Nepal. Nepal's crazy. I know someone who lived there for a little bit. You're never going to get to Asia. Maybe it's on his back. Yeah, it's not. Nothing's on his belly. Whoa. That's good wood I know someone who lived there for a little bit. You're never going to get to Asia. Maybe it's on his back.

Yeah, it's not. Nothing's on his belly. Whoa. That's good wood grain on the guns, though. That is great wood grain. But that shit's going to fade. He got all those tattoos at once, and it was yesterday. Is that a hoof or is that a boot?

What is that on the side there? There's no way that that shit is going to last. Yeah, it looks like the leg of a zebra. Can you make him turn around? Even the purple is so vibrant. Turn him around? Turn him around? Okay, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, sure. Fuck it. the leg of a zebra. Can you make him turn around? Even the purple is so vibrant. Turn him around? Turn him around. Yeah, sure, fuck it.

Put him on a beach. TJ, put Trace on a beach. That's Trace Cyrus? That's Trace. Oh, Noah is the girl. Yeah, she looks like a Noah. Moving to the beach. What does Trace do? He's in

Walking up the pier That's Shake It Metro Station Oh He's huge on the beach He's getting further away TJ understands perspective Walking

Bye bye Still taller than the tree Bye Mr. Trace See ya That was nice Bye There you go This shit was good

Give you a flip off the dog? We gotta get to fucking, we gotta get to there. No. Was that Nepal? People consider that aesthetic like the dream vacation. Then they get there

and then it's like, oh, what do we do? I can just look. I can just look at the water, but that's, there's nothing fun to do. You wouldn't enjoy that?

Just not doing anything? Yeah, just no. For a day, maybe. I think I would enjoy that. KB's on his malcontent shit. KB, where would your ideal vacation be?

No, we're there now. I'd rather go to like Amsterdam or Budapest. Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah. TJ, what the fuck? Budapest sucked. You're kind of there. What?

Put KB on there. I'll start crying. Yeah, yeah. Get in here, Nick. Oh, fuck. This is nice. Where else should we go? I just want to be on my couch on my phone. I said I'd rather be in Amsterdam.

Doing what? Biking? Hopping around. We can get you to Amsterdam. They got no 3G in Amsterdam. Yeah, you would do some weed in Amsterdam and stay in your abnormally small hotel. I kind of want to move to Vietnam. Okay.

That has picturesque shit like this. For a dollar a day, you can stay in a four-star hotel. That's like bays and alcoves, doesn't it, Vietnam? Phnom Penh? I've heard it was good shrimping in those waters. Yes, definitely.

They probably have some different shrimp. They probably have shrimp that have a little different bite to it. Bang, bang shrimp? Shrimps goad it. It's good. Were you showing me

how they smoked weed in Vietnam? What? They do it like this. They do it. Instead of like this, they flip it like this. They do it instead of like this. They flip it like this. They come in like this? Yeah, like this.

That could hurt your wrist. Oh, let's talk about when they were smoking out of the barrels of the guns. I remember seeing a dude in the Chief Keef documentary, and it was the dude that was like the interviewer smoked like that, and they were all making fun of him. Really? Yeah. Rightfully so.

Yeah, it looks really weird when you do that. Especially not in front of Chief Keef. I would never do that. Not in front of Chief Keef. No, never. Sass was sending me some of the doinks that he was rolling up this weekend. My boy's rolling up cannons. Louisville Sluggers, bro.

TPXs. They make a little ding when you hit a fucking gun with them. Should we pull them out with a little black mag and a man? Bink. Fucking, he was rolling up fucking big boys. Revolutionary War cannons, bro. Kind of had to stuff the long pole, the Q-tip down and fucking shove it in. You don't know about history, KB.

Jefferson Davis? Geography. Well, he died on this date. He did? Oh. J.D.? December 6th. Did he?

I'll remember that. Never got his J.D. I sent it into the group chat. We can pull up this nuke that I rolled. Spit some facts. No, I don't know who Jefferson Davis is. You don't even respect the... He was played by Sherman Helmsley.

Was he? I think so. Sherman Helmsley is a... Is that a white guy? No, he played George Jefferson. Yeah. And he played Jefferson Davis in a movie? I don't know if that's...

Oh, Jefferson. I'm slow on the uptake today. I still feel a little foggy this morning. Why don't you get your yawn? No, I can't yawn. Everybody want to squeeze one out real quick? I can't yawn. I can get a couple yawns in.

I'm a fucking damn sociopath, bro. I'm looking at everyone yawning right in my face. I won't feel a fucking ounce of hemp. Oh, Jay's got one. Oh, yeah. The mic's not on. Oh, dad yawn. Dad yawn. That in my face. I won't feel a fucking ounce of hemp. Oh, Jay's got one. Oh, yeah. The mic's not on. Oh, dad yawned. Dad yawned.

I don't want to yawn shame. I was taking the train this morning. There was a woman next to me who yawned, I'm not even kidding, every 40 seconds for 10 minutes. I just want to tell her to turn around. But it's easy to be sleepy on a train. Should have given her a C4. It's the sleepiest mode of transportation, the train. Did she have a mask on?

I don't think so. She did. No, there's like first class flights where you got like a bed. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know,

but the train, the noise, the rocking too. The noise, the rocking. That puts me right to sleep. That train will put you to sleep. But there is a level of Amtrak

on that subway. Look at that thing. That boy's playing darts with that thing. Look at that bomb. That thing. Look at that bomb. That is an absolute nuclear missile. That's the kind of thing that could send KB to the hospital. Look at it compared to his fingers. My boy's got some thick fingers.

Thick in a strong way. Thanks, TJ. That's some legal shit. That's some regal legal shit. Bro, your hands are strong. I know. That's got to be powerful. That's a full gram joint. What? That's a legal shit. That's some regal legal shit. Bro, your hands are strong. I know. That's got to be powerful. Good grip strength.

That's a full gram joint. What? That's a full gram joint. Oh, yeah. It's a very pink hand as well. Pink hand. Yeah. It might have just been the lighting.

No, that's a pink hand. It's a medium rare hand. I don't have pink hands. It's a hand, boy. It's quite white and pale hands. Oh, it's very white today. But that day, you probably cooked it a little bit. You probably left your hand on the stove.

I did. Accidentally. Put your hand on the... I put my hand on the blade for you, my dog. Leonardo DiCaprio was talking shit. That's whack. I know. I didn't know that he wanted fucking beef. Because we've been knobbing him off for years over here on this side.

It's secondhand rumor that he was talking shit, right? Those sites don't lie. No way. Why would they lie about that? Why would they even sprinkle that in the husband who saw that has to be pissed off about it because he's obviously a barstool guy yeah he wouldn't say stop it my regular ass husband was seated right next to leonardo enough to hear him loudly talking about barstool. There's just no way

Leonardo DiCaprio was talking shit on Barstool. That's like what we do when we go out. Celebs aren't that different from us. They said he was with

a group of his friends. There's Tobey Maguire and him. The Pussy Patrol. The Pussy Patrol was all out there. Giving Devlin the work. Devlin's always trying to insert himself into content.

There's no way Sass gets renewed after his contract expires. No way. Get Sass off the fucking Yag smoke. Oh, fuck. Smoking on M-dashes. Talking shit on Alyssa Amoroso just because they did on Out and About. Just because gay Pat was slagging her off.

He wants to slag her off too. I noticed that Out and About. They'll talk shit about all of us. They talk shit about me, but I think they throw it out about everybody. Pat's probably one of the worst people I've ever met. Yeah. He's the least trustworthy human i've ever met terrible human being he is just an awful guy why it's funny but what have you what have you uh leaked that has been uh

has has gotten back to you like what you say he's not trustworthy what's like something that made its way out to the world? He'll tell you anything. Anything he knows or just anything? You're talking shit on someone you like way more than me. To me. Yeah, social currency. I don't mind it. It's fun.

The boys are catty. They are. Oh, we are catty as hell. No, those boys are catty. We're kind of catty too. We're not catty? Comparatively, though. Nice. There's some stuff that I won't talk about on here.

Not much. So your cattiness has limits. I spread secrets like wildfire. No, but you do it behind the scenes, though. You tell it to trustworthy people that you trust, and they'll tell it to untrustworthy people that they do not trust. That's fair. We should get them on here. Pat?

Have them spill some shit. Talk shit? Yeah, have him spill some shit. Talk shit? Have him fucking talk a little shit. Who do you think? I don't think he's here. I don't think he's working. I didn't see him. Who do you think Big Cat would repopulate the show with if we all got the Monarchs?

Jersey Jerry. That would be Jersey Jerry would be his first overall pick. But who else would he sprinkle in here? I think Lenny would get in there. Glenn? Okay. Dana? Frankie? Maybe? But who else would he sprinkle in here? I think Lenny would get in there. Glenn. Okay. Dana. Frankie.

Maybe. Frankie Borelli. Borelli. I'm just thinking myself. Who would be good? Yeah. Brandon, what was that reaction to Frankie? No, I just felt like if I looked towards the content floor, I would remember more people.

Oh. O'Malley. It was like you were just like staring. Maybe O'Malley. Yeah. We got to get O'Malley on there. No, I invited her. I invited O'Malley. Frankie? O'Malley on I invited O'Malley

On Son of a Boy Dad Frankie? She's a funny ass girl What do you mean A funny ass girl bro? You could have just Stopped the sentence bro Nah I couldn't

That's not how I think He spoke correctly It's like saying Male nurse or regular nurse Yeah That shit's not satire bro You guys are fucking Whack misogynist bro

I invited her on Son of a Boy Dad though though. O'Malley. Really? Yeah. That definitely didn't happen. Yeah, it did, bro. Bro, you know we don't have girl guests. I know. That's why we need to get O'Malley on. O'Malley's gonna shatter the glass

ceiling. Nah, I'll help her with that. I kinda wanna get her on. That's what girls, they need me to help them shatter the glass ceiling. Get the glass ceiling. You'll go first. Just make sure everything's safe. This is what you've been working so hard on? Easy. Took me five minutes.

This shit's light work. Nah, Chicken Fry sold 1,200 tickets to her show this weekend. I think it was 3,000, wasn't it? No, 1,200. I thought it was 1,000 each night. Yeah, 1,000. That's what the graphic showed. Yeah. 1,000 each night. She, 1,000. That's what the graphic showed. Yeah.

1,000 each night. It just didn't sold out. Probably more sneaked in. Dude, but the fucking DJs wind up getting up there thinking it's their show. Pisses me off. Nothing pisses me off more than that bullshit. Fucking just realize whose show it is, all right? No one's coming to see you.

No, they were saying Brie and O'Malley are going to become the DJs for the second tour. They should. Their second tour. They should. Their second tour. I feel like DJing is like two tours of duty, babe. Couldn't you just be like an aux cord DJ? I'm coming home. You have like a shard of dry foam from a cannon. Like shrapnel.

The gas. I got gas. Binge drinking in that environment would be a hard tour. It'd be a haul. No, soldiers have less hard tours. One of my boys, his job, he sweeps for mines in Bahrain. It's all drones. He's a nuclear detonator, but when you hear that, that sounds like the most badass job.

He says they just swim around. They haven't seen like a bomb in years. They haven't seen a bomb since like the Persian. Brandon's yawning again. Meanwhile, chicken fries up

fucking all night. That was despicable, Brandon, but we're going to motor through. Chicken fries fucking grinding, hung over the next day. Feels like shit. They're getting USO shows.

French Montana's coming over for like half a million dollars. They're clubbing in Doha Yeah They're having the time Some oil tycoon is like Buying them bottle service Eating MREs

And adopting dogs and shit Just having the time Of their life Meanwhile Chicken Fry's Fucking getting shoved Off stage By fucking rogue DJs And having to fight

For their fucking life Yeah Just getting pushed out It's a nightmare Waking up Hung over Tivo's in your face, asking you to mouth Mac Miller.

There's frat boys trying to fucking beat you. That's not happening. Oh, shit. Is it someone's birthday today? Oh, yeah. She's obviously walking by. Don't even. Yeah, on her typical route that she always takes.

She's buzzing the tower again. This is the second fastest way to her desk. I understand. I'll send her a tweet. No attention for you, Beeman. She really wanted to come on. Is it her birthday today? Obviously, KB and her have been corresponding offline.

How'd you know it was her birthday? Because you're wearing her birthday suit. You're checking her Zenefits. Isn't it like if you're checking her Zenefits. Isn't there, wait, isn't it like if you look at the Zenefits, you have Frank

like every birthday. Frank replies all the time. That's the only way Frank wishes you happy birthdays on Zenefits. If you go on, it's like, it's always replied by Frank.

Yeah. That's his choice social media. That, he'll slack like the upstairs office all the time or the people upstairs. He'll just send him office all the time, or the people upstairs.

He'll just send them a vignette of his trip to Five Guys. 85 pictures of his trip halfway down the block. Brandon, you're on slump. Now you're just being ridiculous. No, that was a stretch, not a y'all. Did you go downstairs? You just had your eyes closed. Yeah, you were sleeping with your eyes open.

No, I'm not. That was a good stretch. I stretched. Was it a long pick central? They're always long. Drained you? You had a big week of interviews. Or is it this week?

I do. I have nine interviews this week. I won't be here Wednesday. I've got to go to an AEW show and do it out there. Nine? All Elite Wrestling. Long Island. Long Island.

Yeah. Why nine? I'm just packing them in. I'm getting ready for the relaunch of wrestling. How many are you going to do a show? I don't know. I'll figure that out. Where is it?

UBS Arena. Oh, that's walking distance from my house. Maybe I should come with you. Sure. Yeah. Do you want to at all? Invite him right now. Owen, you should go.

I would come. Okay. He already has a producer, though, Owen. So stop trying to encroach on Arya's territory. Actually, Wrestling has two producers. Why'd you say two producers? I don't know how that happened. Wrestling has two producers.

I have Nick and Arya. Which is Che's buddy, right? Yeah, well, Che introduced him into the universe, but his work on Wrestling helped him get full time. Tip of the cap to him. He's also our Yak guy. He's fucking great. Yeah.

What do you mean our yak guy he has to listen to every episode for sling oh that's right yeah is he really yeah so when you curse or show copyright stuff

sass sass he gets to edit it out he has to edit out every one of our fucking curses um maybe not curses but like if we show pictures and stuff

like this he's got the dream job sorry Nick it's gonna be a tough one I guarantee that isn't a one-gram joint. Why did Grand DP 44 need to say that? Busted. Grand DP. Dave?

I guarantee this isn't a one-gram joint. Wait, is Dave Portnoy 44? He is. Well, he was. I think he's 45. Yeah, but he started. He's going backwards. He was 44 at some point.

Check how old that account is. Or is he talking about DP? Double play? Not a regular double penetration. Oh, I was talking about double penny. Oh, I was talking baseball. That can't be me, bro. Not in the hot stove. I fucking talk about that.

I talk about porn in the offseason. Especially with the lockout. I'm not about to talk about baseball. You can't wait until the offseason. Getting a second base. Up the middle. Yeah, getting scat porn, hot pepper, pink sock, little pink sock in baseball.

That's a real thing. What are you talking about? A pink sock is a baseball term, dumbass. How? It's when it bleeds like Curt Schilling. Yeah. He had a pink sock. It dried up a little bit. It was red like Curt Schilling. Yeah. He had a pink sock. It dried up a little bit.

It was red. A red sock. Then it turned into a pink sock. Keep the fuck up. KB hasn't yawned once. KB was with me on the non-empathy train. Sociopath. We're not empaths.

It's the way. It's like Owen's going for a yawn. He is, bro. And Nick didn't want for solidarity. I didn't want for solidarity. I don't think Nick had to yawn. He didn't, but he just nutted up. Yeah, I'm not an empath, but going for a yawn. He is, bro. And Nick didn't want for solidarity. I didn't want for solidarity. I don't think Nick had to yawn. He didn't, but he just nutted up. Yeah, I'm not an empath, but I am a follower.

Yes, he is. Me and Sass are tied at three. I'm not going to yawn again for the rest of the day. I'm done yawning, too. You're getting them out of your system? We'll see about that. Every time I open my mouth, I can just feel it coming. Do you guys know that puffer fishes are full of water, not air?

Shut up. Don't do this to me. We pulled up a video of the puffer fish eating the carrot. Is that puffing? I thought puffing indicated air. No, they just puff up. You don't even know what they get puffed up on. There was like a viral video of somebody squeezing a dead puffer fish and water was coming out.

And they were like going, when it was like making that noise. And I liked it. And I got a DM. They were like i expected more from you like that's animal cruelty did you guys ever watch that that true facts about you're not gonna like what you see i am you're not what were you saying fredden do you guys ever watch that true facts about nature series it was like true facts about the aardvark true facts about the octopus got like 10 12 like 10, 12 million views.

Were they real facts or false true facts? They're real facts, but they're done in a humorous fashion. It was something that was on YouTube like five or six years ago. It's really fucking good. I've seen the duck one. I know what you're talking about. They're really fucking good. I have not seen that.

Oh, I love it. Why do you love this video? How could you not love it? Why can't we hear it? How could you not love it? Why can't we hear it? Are they about to kill it? Please cut it up. It's just definitely boys. It almost killed all the suits.

What the hell, mom? They end up killing my city. I haven't seen that version. I can't go to the Louis store. I got banned. You're in New York. I wonder what that kid's doing now. I got banned. You're in New York. I wonder what that kid's doing now. He's dead.

He was in Mexico last week. Really? You're in Cozumel. Maybe he was following you around. Probably. You were in Mexico last week. Facts. So was Hitman Holla.

Shout out to fucking Hitman Holla. From Wild N' Out. You guys don't watch Wild N' Out anymore. Who's the last Wild N' Out cast member any of you pussies can name? DC Youngfly. Maddie Smith. Nick Cannon. That's Maddie Smith wins.

DC Youngfly. He's not a cast member. He's really more the creator. That's fine. Exec producer of the show. The only person that I could name. I mean, Kevin Hart was on fucking Wild N' Out. Yeah, they had Kenan Thompson on there.

They had Afion Crockett on there Kenan Thompson was on everything Who? Azalea Banks had a Not a cast She wasn't a cast member King Bob should ever end up on there Yeah he had to have been

Fucking Chico Bean Chico Bean? Who was the Asian guy? Timothy De La Ghetto Yeah De La Ghetto That was the Asian guy Timothy De La Ghetto De La Ghetto He was like a YouTuber from 0 Timothy De La Ghetto. De La Ghetto.

He was like a YouTuber from 08. He goes by Tim Chatarongsu now. Oh. What? His real name, Tim Chatarongsu. Was it like Tongan? Maybe. Didn't you have a Tongan priest?

Yeah. You did? Father Tonga. Tonga Lovallo. Yeah, but we called him Father Tong. Was he nice at football? I bet he could run like a fucking option, like nobody's business, type of dude to walk around on his tiptoes all the time.

Bro, this is the homie, bro. Shout out to the fucking homie, bro. He was like the first dude who made being Asian cool. He stole that name from Will Smith in Fresh Prince, though. Yes, yes. When he was a season one, he was Raphael De La Ghetto. He was a ghetto from Will Smith in Fresh Prince, though. Yes, yes. When he was a season one. He was Raphael De La Ghetto. He was a ghetto poet.

That's a funny name. This says that 98% of their readers don't give money. There's no way that 2% of Wikipedia users are giving money to Wikipedia. Everyone uses Wikipedia. I have a recurring pen. With all his accounts. It's the best website maybe, bar none. No, it's not.

It's just words. Yeah. What do you mean? Other websites have shit on them. It's just like a gang of words. It's the best website. For what? What do you mean?

It's the best. No, it's not. Sass has a Wikipedia page. What's better than that? No way. Anything that you could watch something on. We need to see Sass's. See your mind change on it quick. What's better than Wikipedia? No, but we'll make you watch something on. We need to see Sass's. See your mind change on it quick.

What's better than Wikipedia? No, but we'll make you one. I use Wikipedia more than I use any other site. Buff streams. You just have a controversy tab. Birth and then controversy. Damn, what is the controversy? Does the Yak not have a Wikipedia page?

Probably not. The Yak has an IMDb page. And KB's the only credited actor, director, writer, producer. Yes. Yes. Is IM... Oh. Yeah, I guess so.

Look at that. We really should get a Yak. I know. I bet you they're stinky as all hell. Band. They're just European cows or Eastern Asian cows. Thailand. A mythical ogre of...

What the fuck? There's a mythical yak? Fuck this band. This band looks soft. 2017. If they were from like 1960 and English... What if this band is awesome? What if this band is fucking awesome?

They can't be. There's no way. From Wolves? They're from Wolverhampton? Their debut single was People. Okay, I don't like that name. Yeah, exactly. If they were from Brum, if they were from Birmingham, maybe I'd fucking respect them.

But Wolverhampton? There's a little song called This Ain't No Mardi Gras? Exactly, dude. What are they talking about our culture for? Talk about your own culture. Talk about this isn't no Boxing Day or whatever shit they sell. The last song was Plastic People. No, I hate them.

Yes, thank you. Plastic People? What? They're on Fat Possum Records. They're probably a social commentary. All their music is probably fucking commentary and shit. The thing about a Fat Possum is you think it would be good to eat, but you have to let a possum...

Why would you think a possum would be good to eat? When you're going to let a possum. Why would you think a possum? When you're going to cook a possum, you have to keep it in your house and you have to give it a restricted diet for about a week or two before you cook him up and eat him. Really? Because you would be eating trash.

No way. You have to flush him out for a week. What if you just put nice food in your trash? No, you have to flush him out because he's not only eating your trash, he's eating everybody else's trash. And is that what people do? Do people actually flush out their possums? All I'm telling you is when you're going to eat a possum, you need to flush him out for about a week. Do people do that?

Wouldn't that be more expensive than just buying meat? Why would I know that? You've done it? I've never done it, no. It just sounds like a theory. I know people who have, in fact, done that. You have to flush out a possum before you eat the possum

look who's walking by again god damn another lap yeah yeah regular just getting her steps in she's also pausing for effect don't don't give her the car

are we gonna tell her happy birthday though no oh wow what the fuck walking right in open door policy I guess Yeah

Can you even tell me Happy birthday in person I didn't see you yet Talking to the mic Talking to the mic Come on sit down Why don't you sit down We have a chair right over there

Rachel why don't you sit down Muggsy's are the most Comfortable men's jeans On the planet They're built with A proprietary stretch denim And they look stylish And they feel like

You're wearing sweatpants One Muggsy's customer said I hate jeans and now I don't. These jeans are literally changing people's lives. Mugsy jeans are the perfect gift for a friend or man in your life who could use a little comfort pick-me-up. The same dudes who brought us the world's most comfortable jeans are also your one-stop shop for chinos, shorts, tees, and hoodies. Give the gift of comfort this holiday season with Mugsy jeans

and use code YAK for $10 off your holiday season with Mugsy Jeans and use code YAK for $10 off your first order at MugsyJeans.com. That was a passionate ad. That was one of Roan's least passionate. He's a passionate ad guy. It was a...

He wanted that monster. It was a... Switch seats. Oh. And he'll sit in it and then you could come over here and you could sit over there. You're getting a little bit too close to KB.

Nah, they're playing. Owen's going to protect his man, his dog. KB, go ahead. What's on the slate? For what? The birthday. You got the whole week. I don't know.

You tell me. Whoa. You guys got plans? No. What are you doing? I'm not doing anything. Korean barbecue? Is that where we're going?

No. Okay. Just a suggestion. There is a place called Little Dekobe right around here. Happy birthday. Thank you. They have bulgogi at Dekobe. Have you ever had bulgogi?

It's a perfect birthday treat. Happy birthday. Thank you. Of course. Dekobe? Little Dekobe. You better not get in the chopper, huh? birthday tree happy birthday of course the Kobe little the Kobe ran in with a zinger oh too soon Ari Shaffir over here been a year had to make his little

commentary it's been two years hasn't it same thing just felt like it so Rachel why don't you have a little bit of spotlight for your birthday. The floor is yours. What do you think needs to have a little bit more credit that you haven't seen getting credit? Myself. You? Mm-hmm.

See you, Seth. Is he going to yawn? A woman walks in here. How long have you been planning to wear that pantsuit for your birthday? This is the second time I've worn this. Do you like it? It's a good pantsuit. Thank you. Who are the five most misogynistic men in here that we could call out for your birthday? In here? In this room?

No, no. In here. In Barstool Sports. Because we should clean house of the misogyny. I don't want to say. Would you, please? I'd rather you did. I can't. Have you experienced it in a manner that felt uncomfortable? Not personally. Would you say there are misogynists in this room?

Then how? Second hand misogyny. No. I think you guys are all fine gentlemen. For example, Nick being on his phone while a woman is talking. I said you guys are all fine gentlemen. Thank you. What are you doing, Nick?

Photoshopping? Yeah. We had a good riff going before. This feels like there's something in the air. Yeah, I agree. Do you want me to leave? No, no. I'd rather clear the air. We swapped you out for something else. I feel like KB is kind of

you know, he's hitting the brakes a little. It's like someone took a wrench, put a wrench in the KB machine, and I'd like to take that wrench out, and I'd like you to speak freely, KB. I got nothing. What do you want me to do? I want you to talk to your girl. We've never went on our lunch date. No.

Everyone, I can't send a single tweet without people being like, when's the lunch date? Yeah, people love that. It's like your star role. It's the only thing I have. Why don't y'all knock that out this weekend? We can do that. Yeah, what do you want to do with it? Where should we go?

I was thinking about getting just salad. Oh, I thought we were just going to do it out there. Yeah, that's fine. Just salad's whack. Just salad's not a lunch date. Just salad's too close. Yeah, you can get arugula in your teeth. What do you like?

It's never good. Okay. What about a beet salad? Hey, I asked you what you like. Oh, what? Yeah, what is your thing? I like seafood. Oh, that would be nice.

Seafood? A classy lunch seafood. A clam linguine for lunch. I like clam linguine. What about cod? I like cod. We could do full lobsters. She liked cod the other night night and we were at the stand

and it smelt up the whole place cod at the stand people were leaving that's rule number one I liked it it was so good everyone was disgusted come to a comedy show

get the cod people were fucking impressed people were like oh this guy knows how to order this guy fucking orders for himself cod is never an impressive order no it was very impressive it was served over green

you like cod? mhm I'd love for some cod is cod a cheap fish? cod is the most depressing fish Cod is never an impressive order. No, it was very impressive. It was served over green. You like cod? Mm-hmm. I'd love for some cod. Is cod a cheap fish? Cod is the most depressing fish to order. Cod is a cheap fish. That's all they eat in Michigan. I would say tilapia.

Northern Michigan. Oh, yeah. I've caught a few cod in my life. I agree with that. Tilapia sounds better than it is. It's a trash fish, but it sounds better. It sounds fancy. Cod sounds terrible.

Cod sounds terrible. Whiting. What's whiting? Isn't whiting a type of fish? Whiting. Whiting. Whiting. A whiting.

It's an Alaska fish. It's a cold water fish. It's a whiting. It's not whiting a type of fish? Whiting. Whiting. What's whiting? A whiting. It's an Alaska fish. It's a cold water fish. It's a whiting. Whiting. Why don't we pass around a hat so we could help KB get some money together

to take you out, Rachel. Maybe that would be really nice. We'll take you out for some cod. There's three hats. One of y'all give up

your hat. I don't have any cash on me. Just pop the beanie off, maybe. Brother, you must have lost your mind. The beanie doesn't come off. Can we do birthday month for you or something like that? I would love that. I'm obsessed with my birthday.

So today is your birthday? Yeah. Did you celebrate this weekend? Yeah. Shout out. What'd you do? What'd you do? My sister came on Friday.

Oh, my God. I had some friends from Chicago come on Saturday. Yesterday, I went to a craft fair. Wow. You know. What is a craft fair? Something in New Jersey. It was like a bunch.

I got these socks there. Oh. A bunch of wholesome craft people. Yeah. How much were the socks? Two for 20. That's a pretty good deal. Thank you.

Two pairs or two socks? Two pairs. Okay. That's a pretty good deal. Thank you. Two pairs or two socks? Two pairs. Okay. Two pair. Two pair. A pair of two. No, no, no. Two pairs.

Times two. Yeah. They're better than... So one pair was $10. Are you telling me you're $20? I got four socks. Yes. $26 today.

Oh, good. Good. That's nice. Old. Old. $26 is old. It's a key age. Is it?

Older than you were. What was your job when you were 26? I have no idea. The airport. Did you have a boy by then? 26, no. I was not married, did not have a kid yet. 26 was a good year, yeah.

Sas, what do you think you'll be doing at 26? Probably will be dead by then. Okay. No, I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm 26. Hopefully I'll be Retired by then Hopefully yeah You'll just be Cashing old Netflix

Checks for your specials That would be ideal Six years from now Less than bro That feels crazy Less than six bro I'll be four years Not really

I guess five and a half Yeah Yeah exactly Why do you guys Wear the headphones So we can hear Talk to the member Of the booth

Cover up my earring What people don't know Is that you can Actually hear the noise Without the headphones Because the headphones? So we can hear. Talk to the member of the booth. Cover up my earring. What people don't know is that you can actually hear the noise without the headphones. The headphones are so loud. What? You have an earring in? He wore it for my birthday. What is it? That's a Celtic cross.

It's an eagle. No, that's a fidget spinner. You have a fidget spinner earring? Come on, bro. That's fly. I know. You need a hoop. That's fly. I know. You need a hoop. I need a hoop?

Yeah. Why don't you get him one for your birthday? When's your birthday? Next month. When? 26th. January 26th?

Yeah. Nice. Maybe you get your man something to get him. I could get him A nice hoop earring Yeah Why don't I get

I like uh Sometimes it's more gratifying To give a gift Than to get a gift So maybe for your birthday You should give KB a gift Or something like that For my birthday

He can give you a gift I suppose Maybe some bulgogi I like Yeah That's a beautiful shot Maybe a fat filet A salmon or some shit like that

Salmon's a good fish. Yeah. It's a healthy fish. Yeah. Protein. It's a little pretentious. Salmon's pretentious? No, it's not.

Salmon's the least pretentious. Salmon's like the easiest thing to cook. Literally, you just put it. On the barit's last night, it's called the Socky Don. You get 12 pieces of raw salmon just over white rice. 12 pieces? Yeah, it was good. Why do you need that many?

I don't know. It was funny. That's why I bring it up. 12 pieces? Yeah, that's good. Why do you need that many? I don't know. It was funny. That's why I brought it up. 12 pieces of salmon? I had that same thought myself. I said, I don't know why you would need that much, so then I brought it up. I don't like salmon. Never had it.

Oh, it's good. It's so good. That doesn't make sense. Salmon's better than... Salmon's fine. Salmon's better than turkey. Salmon dominates the grocery store, and I don't think it should dominate the grocery store that much. What. Salmon dominates the grocery store and I don't think it should dominate the grocery store that much. What do you mean dominates the grocery store?

You go to the grocery store and you go to a fish salmon is going to be front and center and it's going to have the most. I don't think salmon has earned that spot in the fish market. Do you think it's better than tuna? I think tuna's a better fish than salmon. Tuna's much more versatile and you can do a lot more things. Salmon, you can't do that many things.

Brandon, how do you cook your salmon? I grill it on a cedar plank. How do you cook yours? Pan sear. Same. And I can make a mean salmon. Well, you just don't have a cedar plank, though. If you had a cedar plank. If I had a cedar plank, I probably would.

Have you ever just put a frozen piece in the oven? Why would you do that? That's my specialty. That's not cooking. That's just heating. Yes. Salmon's nice because you can't undercook salmon.

It's very hard to overcook it though too. You can overcook it. When it gets a little orange. Orange. Orange. Orange. The rapper's nightmare. Porridge. We actually debunked that. Mm-mm. Porridge.

We actually debunked that on Son of a Boy that I had last episode. There's 17 words that rhyme with orange. Now, that looks good. That's a maple glaze. What? That's obviously a maple glaze. That's a grape filet. Oh, my God.

That's also a cedar plank. That's a cedar plank on a cedar plank. That's a thin salmon. Goddamn. That was a fit salmon. Someone definitely kept that salmon in their house for two weeks before they fucking, they let it eat whatever they were eating. What's that in the back?

Is that bok choy? Broccolini? That looks like a bok choy. Looks like some edamame back there in the cup. No, no, no. Maybe it is. I believe it is. Wow, that's a good eye, Sass.

That's a serrated knife right there. Edamame is a very great protein source. Really? Oh, no. Yes, it is. I think bok choy is, too. Hey, you always say that. I looked it up.

Not right. Not true. What? What? That gives you tits. really? yes it is I think bok choy is too you always say that it looks it up not right not true what? what? that gives you tits no do you follow tacos and titties? uh uh

I know what it is you have a tit I don't need to see that you don't like tacos? I love tacos you don't like titties? I no I do

so it sounds like you need to follow tacos and titties but I don't need to see them. You just need to start commenting. Commenting on them? Look at those tacos. Puppy melons. You don't need to see them?

No. Puppy melons were in my DMs. Puppy melons reached out to me. They were in my DMs. They were very, very pompous on the competition. All right, go to puppy melons. I did follow them. Of course you did.

I can see why you would like that account. Who? KB? All of you, really. Why, what are you did. I can see why you would like that account. Who? KB? All of you, really. Why? What are you? Is it because of the tits? What does that mean?

Yeah. What do you mean? I got to check out. Titties. So let's click on that first one. Are you called fat or horny? Great picture. Now go to the right.

Both. Just kidding. Wow. Wait, what's this one? Nope. No, the best one is, okay, not that I've looked at them. Never mind. Brandon, you look at this.

No, no, no. What's the best one? I told Brandon about that I've looked at them. Never mind. Brandon, you look at them. Wait, no, what's the best one? I told Brandon about the count. Go back out to the dogs, please. He texted me a gif of someone's jaw dropping to the floor. And I'm a professional what? Wait, that second dog is my dog. Yeah, that's fine. Not my dog, but the kind of dog I have.

It's a cute pup. Not that one. Yay. That's a cute pup, too. That is a cute pup. That's fine, but we're not going to the best one. You think that... Down, please. Yay. That's a cute pup too. That is a cute pup. That's fine, but we're not going to the best one. You think that... Down please.

Down. I believe it's that one on the left beside the white Shiba Inu there. No, I don't think that's it, but go ahead and see what's beside that one. Oh yeah, that's it.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Cheese and crackers. What are you looking at? The fact that the jeans have kind of a... I'm collecting my list of the misogynistic men in the office. Who is... This isn't misogynistic.

Who is that? What? Who is that? But did you see how the button of the jeans was offset? The only thing I want is an account that goes out and sources them themselves. They take the picture of the tacos. They take the picture of the titties. I don't want – there's infinite amounts of tacos and titties.

This account uses like porn stars. Oh, no. Just go out and find the titties on your own. That's cheap. Oh. Oh, not the Bang Energy ad. It's an ad, bro. I didn't know that.

Your dumb ass is indoctrinated now. I love how all Bang Energy ads are just like, they just insert a Bang Energy randomly. Yeah, I saw one. It was a minor league pitcher throwing a Bang Energy 80 miles an hour. Isn't the CEO of Bang Energy a real character? Yeah. Yeah, he is. Can we look him up?

I love native advertising. There he is. His name is Bang Energy CEO. Not his actual birthday. No, his name is Jack. Oh, wow. He has 1.1 million followers? He should change his name

to Jack Bang. Jack Bang. I guess he doesn't really post himself, does he? There we go. There's Jack Bang. That's a good jump. Is he like a young man?

No, it's very down there. He's fully functional. You can flex him. You can fish him. It's the colors. He's like the evolutionary Darren Rommel. The next mutation. No, this dude's the colors. Evolutionary Darren Ravelle. The next mutation.

I've never had a bang. You guys see the kid in tactical gear who looks just like me? He has the same eyeline as me. Who? Yeah. What is an eyeline? All you can see is his eyes, but it looks like my eyes. Wait, who?

I posted on my story, yeah. Follow that. It's on my story, too. Maybe you could start posting again, KB. I do post. Would you ever? No, no, no, post. What would it take for you to post back on your Instagram?

Not that one. Not that one. That one's good, though, too. You need a sound up for that. Him. That guy has your same eye line? That's what a lot of people think. What was that Reddit post?

It was like, my wife is embarrassed of me or something. Oh, yeah. It was just wife thinks I look dumb. Yeah, yeah. Yep. Look at those clips, though. My boy's got clips. How's he wearing just a normal plaid shirt?

He's incognito. A lot of guys throw on a fucking normal plaid shirt and their fucking army camo and think they did something. It's the fucking worst. You know what I mean, Beams? Beams? Did he think he did something or what? No. He thought that he was fucking

serving soldier. Damn, I think he gave you up on that reflection. Oh, that is good. He looks like Nadeau in their Rough and Rowdy posters. You said, what? What? That's artistic?

It is artistic. There he is. Damn. It's like he's on your mind. Yeah. Like the thought bubble. That's funny. That's mad funny.

That's just mad funny. That's jokes. KB's on my mind. Think about him all the time Did you celebrate how Harry Ween What? Harry Ween?

I didn't What? I can't afford that What the fuck is Harry Ween? It was a Harry Styles concert On Halloween night It was called Harry Ween The first syllable of Weiner

And Harry Which is a thing That can happen to a Weiner It was on purpose, yeah. Hairy ween. It was named after an unkempt penis. Hairy. Hairy.

You know what song I've been listening to a lot? That guy's got the same... Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ooh. Put him up simultaneously.

Yeah, yeah. That shit is meta, bro yeah That shit is meta bro That shit is art Kiss yourself Wait wait Fuck your own face Now make your eyes You're perfectly symmetrical bro

I can't believe you're so symmetrical bro Your left eye is over your left eye though This shit is art bro What the fuck I can't believe you're so symmetrical, bro, bro. Your left eye's over your left eye, though. This shit is art, bro. What the fuck? I'm getting bashful. It's not going to get better than this. I would let you finish your thought, KB, but... He just says he's been listening to a lot of Harry Styles.

Golden. If KB dies, we got to do this. Like, we should just record an episode. And have him clear. My lymph nodes have been hardening. Like, we should just record an episode and have him clear. My lymph nodes have been hardening. Wait, wait, wait. Stay still. Stay still.

Look forward. Stay still. The boy just ain't symmetrical. Stop playing. Never will be. Deliver some of your classic lines real quick. What? My classic lines.

Bitch, you the robot. Bitch, you the robot. That ass fat. KB going to have that. What else? Look me in the eye and say it. Whoa. A word? What?

Alrighty We're gonna go ahead We're gonna keep The show going But Owen Sass Nick Brandon and I Are gonna go ahead And get out of here

Yeah KB you look clear I have to go Oh god Well Beeman Happy birthday Thank you so much for coming in. And KB.

Enjoy it. Last word is yours, KB. Yep. Any birthday wishes? Any wisdom for the gal, Dem? 26 is tough. It's one of the best. Okay.

Thanks, guys. All right. best okay