The Yak - The Barstool Interns Join The Show To Celebrate Kate's Birthday || The Yak 6-3-22

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

Happy Birthday KateYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa. It's Kate's birthday. Yeah. I asked everyone to not be here today so that I could have you all to myself. Yeah. Pour the praises down.

This reminds me of my fifth grade birthday, actually. I was going to say, no one showed up for your birthday. Nobody showed up at all. And so this stings a little. It's reminding me. Yeah. Those days. Braces, acne. I think Owen is here.

I think Rico might stop by for your birthday. I also think we have some interns. I do have a surprise. Whoa. I have good news and bad news. What? Which news would you like first? The bad.

Okay, the bad. I got you a cake. Okay. Oh, wait, that's... That's the good news. Well, okay, so I got you a cake. I called in the cake. I got the best cake in the world.

Whoa. What do you think I got, Steven? I have an idea, but I'll let you know. What? Go ahead. Did you get the penis one? No, I did not. Steven, you pervert.

I was actually going to text you and be like, don't really get me a cake. You didn't have to do that. No, I got you a cake. Come on. Steven texted me before. He's like, do you think I could hook up with Kate on her birthday? I was like, no, dude. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I got Kate a fudgy the whale. Yes. From Carvel. That's exactly what I had in mind when I said it. I called it in. Wow. I got the cake. But the bad news is on the cake. Kate, here is your, I called it in and I asked for a message.

Kate, here is your, if you want to read it to everyone and show everyone. The results are in. It's chlamydia. What the hell? Happy birthday, Kate. They spelled my name with a C. Yeah, so that's the bad news. C-A-T-E.

I called in. I was like, can you put happy birthday Kate on it? I'm going to be there in 30 minutes to pick it up. And then if you look, you zoom in. Oh, nice.

We got some interns here. Oh, hi. Zoom in on the cake. They spelled Kate's name with a C. So if we have maybe a, well, let's see, where's the camera?

Which camera? Zoom in on that one. I've never had anyone fuck up spelling Kate before, ever. Yeah, I don't know. It was very confusing when I got there, and I was like, wait, what's going on here? There it is. Happy birthday, Kate.

Thank you. With a C. It's actually pronounced Sate. I don't know what, like, the guy didn't speak great English when I called in? I guess I should have spelled it, but I never thought in a million years I had to spell Kate. I'll change my name to fit Kate. Okay, perfect. Perfect.

All right. Interns, sit down and tell Kate some nice things. No. Rico and Owen are here. This is so nice. Yeah, wow. This is going to be great. Roses.

Oh, my God. We're talking the mic, interns. I like that this guy went to the football polo. Yesterday he was wearing the business school polo. I'm going to try to guess your guys' names because we did meet is one of you cam or cameron or dawson dawson dawson dawson right here when all right so how old are you dawson 22 so do you think that your parents literally were like dawson's creek is never is going to be a timeless classic? I have no idea. I haven't really had that conversation with them yet.

Yeah, because they definitely were like big James Van Der Beek fans are like, this will never go out of style. Well, his little sister Pacey also applied here. Pacey? I don't even know about the show. Seriously. Like, give it a watch. Every time that I go out, like people just tell know about the show, seriously. Give it a watch. Every time that I go out, people just tell me about the show. And it's not my age group that knows about it.

But it's a classic. And what's your name? Ian. Ian. I don't know if we've met. One time at the bar. Fuck, all right. Okay, I need the name tags.

I think the name tags are in there. Are they in their own? You guys got to start wearing name tags. It's going to take me a week, you know, because it's like 15 new interns out of nowhere. True, true. So maybe have them wear name tags, give the name tags back to the bar when you guys go back and have them be name tagged up. All right. So Ian and Dawson.

Yeah. Dawson actually prepared. Yeah. We both prepared a haiku that Dawson will now read. These guys are good. Just so you know, you weren't here at the beginning of the show. Stephen Che already called dibs on Kate today. So.

All right. Sounds good. Actually, though, I don't like getting my pussy ate. So we're just not going to mesh. We're just not going to mesh. Oh, no, Stephen. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Dawson and Ian, take it away. Kate, queen of the yak, thank you for your service. Happy birthday, queen. Wow. That is a high-counted 575. Doesn't rhyme. Haikus are so fucking stupid.

Well, haikus don't have to rhyme. They don't have to. My poems. They're better if they do. My poems rhyme. Yeah, but why? Who created a haiku? You just graduated college. Don't

flex syllables on me. You just say Peter King? Who created it? Peter King. Peter King did not create haikus. I mean, he's the most popular haiku guy in the world. That is so not true. Name one other guy that does haikus. Isn't it like a... I can't do this today. I cannot do this today. Seriously, I am not in I can't do this today.

I cannot do this today. I seriously... I am not in the mood to do this today. Just name one other. It's like an ancient fucking poetry thing. Name one. I mean, dude... Don't look it up, obviously.

I don't know. It sounds like it was invented by somebody of your culture. Like, you should want this invention. It was an Asian thing. It was appropriated by Peter King. Yeah, the Ado haiku. You were letting a white man steal your life.

What's next? They're going to steal beef and broccoli? Damn. General Tso wasn't a real fucking general? Oh, no. Never mind. Oh, no. Never mind. Oh, no. Was he not?

I watched the documentary a long time ago. I forget if his name was actually General Sower or if it was something else. Jesus Christ. First place to ever serve it was in New York. How was the Sower doc? It was good? Peter King, the creator of haikus. All right.

Did you have one, Ian? No, we both created that. Yeah, no. You guys needed two people to create one haiku. Yeah. Working tandem. That's some great stuff right there, boys. I like that.

Brains work better than one. Yeah, right. Who? So there was 17 syllables. Who did the heavy lifting? Who did nine? Who did eight? If I interrogated you guys, if I got you guys separated,

and I was like, Dawson, be straight with me, bro. Actually, Ian, can you please leave? Just stand out there for a second. You can come back in a second. You can listen, too. Dawson. Yeah. You did most of that haiku, right?

I'd say I thought of doing the haiku. That was me. Uh-huh. But in terms of the final product, had a draft ready right and i was more the you know word guy and then he counted the syllables okay so did you get bullied did he bully you no no no no because what i had like the first draft wasn't that good and he and he came in final round switched it up and then that was when we kind of. All right, switch. Can you guys switch, please? You need to stand right out there, Dawson.

So, Ian, you were out there. You said this company was your second choice. What was the first? No, this was my first choice, but I don't know what he said. He better have said that it was all me. No, he said it was all him. It was all him. He said he created the haiku.

He did the first draft. He decided to do a haiku. All you did was, like, it was all him. It was all him. He said he created the haiku. He did the first draft. He decided to do a haiku. All you did was literally count the syllables. I had to tell him it wasn't a haiku. It was a haiku. Oh, a haiku. And I had to tell him how many syllables were in it. He knew what it was, but not exactly how to write one.

I would think guys who had business school polos would know that. Oh. All right, Dawson, you can come back in. Oh, Big T's got something. This is a party now. What's this? Oh, my gosh. Work like a mom.

A hat from. Oh, hell yeah. I like this kid, Jared. Oh, who's this? Another intern. Oh, my God. Wait, hold on. Wait out there.

We're going to dismiss these guys, and then you guys can come in. We're going to want to talk to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait out there. That guy's wearing a legal t-shirt. All right, so which intern do you guys hate? can come in. We're going to want to talk to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait out there. That guy's wearing a legal t-shirt. Alright, so which intern do you guys hate so far?

None yet. He almost answered it. He did. He was so close to getting it. Flash in your eye. He was so fucking close. I really don't want to do that. I feel like it puts them in a bad spot. Who's the second worst person in the class?

I honestly only know half of their names, and probably half of them know my name. I'm more of a face guy. I'm going to remember both of you boys. Handsome boy. Dawson, that's just an outrageous name to have, and Ian, an outrageous look. You guys are setting my brain now forever.

Perfect. Yeah. Very high IQ on you guys. Well, happy birthday, Kate. Thanks for having me. Happy birthday. Can you have everyone put on the host? We'll do the name tags at the bar.

All right. Thank you, Dawson. Nice to meet you, bro. Real go-getters. If anyone needs a haiku in the office, we got two guys for it. Two guys. I like that it took two of them. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah, watch for your name tag. Yeah, and then you can come sit down. I will say, a bit of a buzzkill for me. I feel like Dawson would have turned me down at a party a long time ago. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. I want to find out if we're related. I'm going to challenge that. I don't know. In the meantime. All right, what are you trying to do that you can't do if you're related. I challenge that. I don't know. In the meantime. All right, what are you trying to do that you can't do if you're related? Wait, what? What's up?

Nope. No, that's not what I meant. Got a letter from Erica. So, wait, what's your name? Beeman. Jared Beeman. Oh, yeah, you can't go by Beeman. Yeah, I've heard that.

And you still tried it. I mean, I thought it would be, like like the one talking point I could bring in here Yeah we have a Beeman on this show She's kind of She's kind of a big deal Yeah I got roasted when I She came in my like intern interview She was like who the fuck are you

I won't spoil it but Oh J-Rod does that work I like this guy who's this guy Old Cole Good father Oh it's the good father J-Rod. Does that work? I like this guy. Who's this guy? Old Coleman. Coleman. Godfather. Goodfather. Oh, it's the goodfather. Life is good.

That's almost like a big dog shirt. Well, I fucked up in buying it. You're talking to Mike. So when I bought it, I thought of it as like a godfather like funny shirt. And I got home and everyone was like, why'd you get a father's day shirt? Like you're 20. Goodfather. And here I am thinking it's just godfather cool yeah i read it as godfather too so i wouldn't even i wouldn't even correct people people are like naturally kind of dyslexic not dyslexic but like they you know when they do that trick they take out a bunch of letters or

they put a thought at the last word of the line and the first word of the next one right read it straight through right so yeah i totally read that as godfather yeah i didn't i assumed you had a kid and i thought it was pretty weird no i've gone that before out like oh how old is your son i'm like i have no idea he's out there somewhere though like that's all that matters uh where are you from i'm from jersey jersey shore nice awesome and where did you go to school that's a whole coastline yeah you want to specify somewhere though. That's all that matters. Where are you from? I'm from Jersey. Jersey Shore. Nice. Awesome. And where did you go to school? That's a whole coastline.

Yeah. You want to specify? Yeah. So Central Jersey is a real place. South Central. It's like Manisquan,

Point Pleasant. Yeah, I know all the towns. Which town are you from? Brick. That's all you had to say. Some people don't know. You know the famous

rivalry game down there in the shore? I do not. It's brick wall. Huh. Two towns next to each other. God damn. We would have got there faster if we didn't lift every fucking town down the shore.

Wait, so Coleman? Yes. What do you have to say about Kate? So I didn't prepare anything like Dawson. Well, no, it was actually Dawson and Ian together. Right. So he just signed the birthday card he bought, basically. No, I'd just like to speak from the heart.

I think everyone should have an amazing birthday. That's one of my biggest beliefs. Like anyone I know, I send them a long paragraph. Please make this personal for Kate. Of course. What's my favorite thing that I do? What's your favorite thing that I do here?, what's your favorite thing that I do here? This is like when a groomsman gets up and, like, clearly hasn't met the bride.

Yes. And, like, just like, yeah, and she's just the best. She's awesome, too. Kate, you look great. Yeah, so, yeah, please make it personal to Kate. Okay. So, Kate, I wanted you to have an amazing birthday. You have been an incredible mom.

I've seen you on TikTok making incredible TikToks like that. There you go. Moms are underrepresented. They deserve love. So you being one. Are you calling her a MILF? No. Yeah, that's a little aggressive.

Wait, so she's not a MILF? Well, I wouldn't say that. It's too easy with the interns. I could just stay in second gear for this entire show. All right, Chet Chase, one to ten, what is Kate? Yeah, what's... Where are we at? Final rankings.

Also, how old am I turning and what's my weight? Oh, yeah. I would rather call you a milf than set your weight, honestly. All right, keep going. Keep going about Kate. Okay. Do you make love or do you fuck for sport? Depends who's asking, you know?

Me. Yeah, Owen. Specifically. Strictly sport. Okay. All right. It's enough. All right.

Well, Coleman, good job. Yeah, thank you. Great job. I will remember you. Awesome. Let me just lock it in. Okay, there we go. I locked it in.

Coleman. But wear that name tag every day for a while. Oh, 100%. Yeah, okay. All right, and then Beeman. Awesome. Let me just lock it in. Okay, there we go. I locked it in. Coleman. But wear that name tag every day for a while. Oh, 100%. Yeah, okay. And then Beeman. Yeah. Jared? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if I like your attitude. Thinking that you're a Beeman. Is that a good thing being a Beeman?

You should try to be an A-man. You should have came in Nardini. Yeah. Right. I mean, I think they called... Well, I won't spoil the intern interview, so never mind. Okay. But yeah, no, it's more like we're very protective. Brandon. Brandon and Roan.

We're protective. We're protective of our own here. And Beeman is a character on this show. I think Beeman gave me her blessing of being a Beeman. I don't know about that. And I won't spoil it. If I ask her, she'll say that? Yeah.

I think so. A hundred percent. And I won't spoil it. If I ask her, she'll say that? Yeah, I think so. A hundred percent. Yeah. Job on the line. Hers or mine? Yours. And hers. Hers, yeah.

I'll bet everybody. We're ridding ourselves of all the Beeman's. It's a double Beeman guarantee. Okay. Should be a Barstool Sportsbook prop bet. Yeah. Double Beaming guarantee. So, Jared, what do you want to say about Kate?

I mean, Kate and I have gotten really close in the last, like, three days. She hangs out with us a lot. We've, like, eaten lunch together every day. Is that true? What'd she have for lunch yesterday? We had the deli near here. Yep, the sandwiches. Wait, you actually went to lunch with them?

No. No, I'm not that low. I'm not that desperate. No offense to you guys. We find out that Kate's just being best friends with all the interns. I just didn't prepare anything. I'm just kidding. It's okay.

It's okay. All right, you guys are dismissed. Thank you very much. Thank you. Good job. It was nice to meet you. Let's go by Jared from now on. Jared or J-Rod?

I think you've got to earn J-Rod. I bet. We don't have any Jareds anymore. I like Beeman. Yeah, Beeman's cool He was much cooler than me I felt like Why don't you sit right here Here's my guy

Lee I like anyway Lee I like just because of his look I've never said a word to him But I saw him the first day he took my breath His only West Baseball jersey Gaz hired hunks Well this is Mike. I actually know Mike.

Mike's connected. He's connected to, well, not really. He just is a friend of Stanford Steve. Oh, okay. Not a friend of Rico. Mike, I'll get you on one of those text chains where me and Steve just fucking roast Rico. They're awesome.

I'd be excited for that. Yeah, he gets very upset. Maybe getting the bonus one with his other friend. That's an exclusive club. What's the other friend? The other guy. Scott? No.

Oh, Bear? No. Priscilla? Priscilla? No. Who are you talking about? Stop talking in codes. We're on a show.

I'm just saying. I know you have other text chains. What? Bonus guy? Who's the bonus guy? I'm saying another guy. There's usually a fourth on there. Secret bonus text chain.

I don't know who he's talking about. I forget none. The memory of an ostrich. Big Cat, do you know Lee? I don't, but I love him. Lee's great. He's been helping us for like a year. What?

Oh, really? He's been sending stuff in. Fuck yes, Lee. And then you know the other guy. Can you just say who it is? I forget. I know you have a text chain. Rico.

All right, what do you guys want to say about Kate? I like both of them, too. He's a Delco guy. Oh, hell yes. All right, what do you guys want to say about Kate? I like Mike and I like Lee. I like both of them, too. Lee's a Delco guy. Oh, hell yes. Yeah, no, your look gets you places. Lee had an early strike. And mostly just internships at Barstool Sports. When I say places, I say, like, you've pretty much tapped out on your look right here.

It's what it's made for. Yeah, this look is going to get me in the door at Barstool. And then you probably will have a job for life with that look, just so you know. Dana, I mean. Yeah. Dana 2.0. Dana's not here, so. Yeah, that's true. The great fucking mullet.

Alright, so wait, what do you guys want to say about Kate? Well, listen, Kate's queen of Delco, so that's all I have to say. It's like Second mother figure You know Oh Yep Wow

At least for me I can't speak for Mike I have to say I'm gonna let you speak for everyone Breastfeeding was really tough With this guy It was It was very thirsty

Okay Mike what do you have to say about Kate? Well the Your Twitter account every day Just makes my day That's the most important thing And the TikToks as well It's always good

You and Captain Cons are always cracking me up Oh, you lost me at Captain Cons Oh no You shouldn't have said it Oh no I knew the background there Well, bravery. He's winning me back.

There you go. I appreciate it. I was brave of you. Although, I mean. It became a hard sell once he sort of. Yeah. Mike is now in my circle of trust. I'll take that.

Actually, Mike and Lee, now that I have you, have you guys thought about being in a very exclusive club called Mount Ridermore we're looking for someone else I heard there's applications open yeah there are you guys ride

all day I was riding with Jerry last night I was watching the stream hell yes yes yeah Al Horford every time always

there we go easiest bet of his life every time yeah every time okay anything else about Kate? It's really like kind of soak in Kate. Morning sunshine is like maybe like a present. Yeah, morning sunshine.

Morning sunshine. Thank you. I loved morning sunshine. I loved it. Really? Morning sunshine was a sleeper show. It's a cult classic. We did.

I look back. Most people were asleep. Most people were asleep. Yes, nobody actually watched it. We did. I look back. Most people were asleep. Most people were asleep. Yes. Nobody actually watched it. We did like 100 episodes. I did actually like the show, but then I got in too deep where I couldn't give Brandon a real compliment about it, so I just had to draw the line in the sand. Yeah.

Everyone was literally sleeping on it. Yeah. We're bringing it back, though, because people are tired. I'm giving them a nap. Fuck yes. Hell yeah. Do you guys want some cake? Would you like some whale cake?

Some C-A-T-E? Fudgy the whale like Carvel cake? Yes. Oh, yes. You want some cake? Oh, where are you from? Okay. I'm from Connecticut.

Oh, nice. Where'd the fudgy the whale cake go? Oh, here. It's right here. Sorry, I'll pass it. Let's get a... This cake looks... I could eat that entire cake probably

Yeah why don't you You know what No Has no one eaten it yet No Lee and Mike You guys go Cut a couple pieces for us Sounds good

And then Cut a piece for yourself And then bring the whole thing back Absolutely Fantastic Yeah cut it right there Do you want the tail Happy birthday Kate

I would love the tail Oh yeah let's make sure Kate gets the tail Kate's gonna get the tail Always the tail This is excellent. It was a great day. Fudgy the whale.

Fucking great cake. It was a Subway Carvel hybrid. Here, here. Holy shit. Yeah. You don't see that one often. It was weird. I walked in the Subway, and then there was a Carvel in the back.

Really? Yeah. I've seen Dunkin' Baskin Robbins. I don't know. Oh, let's go. Sammy. Thank you, Sammy. Appreciate it.

Bella. Thank you. Love it. Okay. Sit on down. What do you guys do? Talking to Mike, yeah. I am the talent assistant for Kelly Martin.

Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. I'm going to hold my tongue because I love Kelly. I'm going to hold my tongue. No, I actually do love Kelly. I'm a new intern, and I'm working with Olivia, and I'm doing some social for chicks. Olivia?

A wad? Yes. Nice. Yeah. Okay. So what do you guys want to say about Kate? Oh, you prepared something. We did.

Both of you did. Now, was this in conjunction? Because we had two guys who did a, I forget their names already, Dawson and Ian did a haiku together. We did. Yeah. So what did you guys do? We just have little things to say to Kate on behalf of the woman here at Barstool.

Oh, yeah. We don't want to get too emotional over here. Okay. But, you know, you really hit home for us. Why? Because you're women? Yes. Oh.

You really hit home for us and just. You don't want to, like, play into the stereotype. Right. Stay strong. Don't cry. I will say I can already feel our period syncing up. Right. I feel like we're already synced.

Yeah. But just on behalf of every female in this office, thank you. You're welcome. Sam, have a little bit. Yes. Yes, this is good. Happy birthday, Kate. You are the pinnacle of female empowerment.

Oh! That's huge. It is huge. I'll take it. It's the pinnacle. Thank you. Spot on. Okay. And last thing, we love huge. I'll take it. It's the pinnacle. Thank you. They're spot on. Okay.

And last thing, we love you. Love you so much. Stop it. I like how you did that, too, because it felt, even though I know you wrote it down, it felt real. It felt real. I believed it. It was very real.

I believed it. Thank you, guys. Okay. I would say this is the best one so far. Yeah, so far. Most genuine. So far. Now, are you guys sitting upstairs,

downstairs? Where are you? I'm down at the bar down here. What's the bar situation like? Is it kind of like first come, first serve on seats? Yeah.

Oh, wait, you were the one no one got up for, right? Yeah, that was me. Did you like that Rico White knighted for you? I did. It was honorable.

It was very nice. They're animals. Mm-hmm. They're really not that bad. She's not going to fuck you, bro. Where do you guys go to school? I went to Marist College Neat

Wait Marist and Red Foxes? You guys both did? I went to University of Minnesota Oh did you see PJ Fleck? Got a facelift? No I didn't. Did he? Yeah. Oh, wow.

He claims that it was an eye injury he had in 2019 that he finally got fixed. A lot of deviated septum, nose job vibe going on. But yeah, he looks totally different. I mean, he looks really good. Nah, you haven't seen him. You just said you haven't seen him. I would say he doesn't. I didn't even notice.

He doesn't look good when he's not beating Bowling Green that much. Oh, I can't talk because they beat us. Okay, okay. Anything else that we should know? I'm going to mentally remember both your names. Sammy, Bella. Got it. Sammy.

I mean, beyond us just loving Kate so much. Adoring Kate. Adoring Kate. Good job. They're doing a great job. I'm digging these interns. I'm not madoring Kate. Adoring Kate. Good job. They're doing a great job. I'm digging these interns. I'm not mad about it. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Well, thank you. We appreciate it. Welcome to Barstool. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Yeah, thank you for being, standing up for Kate. Of course. Yeah. Always. Yeah. And we might need you to step in, because Stephen Chay's been kind of giving her the eyes today. I know.

Yeah. Stephen just keeps not more and more upset. He tweeted me happy birthday as well. What? It's a little overkill. Creep. I was getting bonked a lot because it was about your nipples that are tweet,

but you were saying it was your birthday. Oh my God. I was awake. It's good you guys don't have your headphones on. All right, thank you, girls. Appreciate it. Thank you. I'm going to look up who invented the haiku.

The fact that he fucking said it. You can't name one other guy without looking it up. Traditional Japanese haiku. It's been around for hundreds and hundreds of years, but Peter King is the one who created it. We're writing them on the fucking walls with stone. What is this? A Subway sandwich?

Rico, give me one name. Okay, how about Matsuo Basho? Yeah, you just looked that up. That's a transfer from Michigan. Takahami Kiyoshi. Kyle and Blake. And look, they switched it up. What did they get you? A sandwich. It's not tuna, is it? Did you guys get that at the Carvel

Subway? I believe it was. It was? I believe so. Was it actually? I believe so. Was it actually? I believe so. Where was it? We didn't pick it up specifically, but somebody got it. What happened to your voice? What happened to your voice, brother?

I'm not sure. It's been like this for years. No, that's not true. No way. I swear. It's like Hannah from the Chicago office. Yeah, that's not true, though. Me and her talked about this back in the day.

Yours is from a Pitbull concert months ago. I wish it was from a Pitbull concert. Where are his ears from? All right, let's get the tail. Thank you. Mine is from a pitbull concert months ago. I wish it was from a pitbull concert. Where are his ears from? All right, let's get the tail. Thank you. Mine is from just moving here, honestly.

Like, it's where it got worse, but school for four years just. We were out in Indiana with Kyle. That's how we came. Oh, yeah, you were in the shorts.

I like it. Oh, yeah, thank you. This is Indiana. Yeah, we do it big. All right, so you guys have something you want to say about Kate? Nice hair, Blake.

Thank you. Yeah. Strong hairline. Can we zoom in on Blake's hairline real quick? We always have one. Look at that. Really good looking. Zoom in on his hairline.

Nope, this isn't your moment, Kyle. See, that middle part reminds me more of a Dawson. But look how far his hairline is up. Like, that's going to be... No, no, other... Other guy. Yeah, the guy with actual good hair. Look at that.

Like a young John Statham. Wow. That is some fucking hair, man. There's natural highlights in it, too. Do you see? It's like a beautiful caramel color at the top almost. Does it mean like rider strong? Well, actually, I use like sun in.

Oh, smart. Like maybe four months ago and it just hasn't come out. It looks so nice. Does your mother's father still have his hair? Yes. Wow. Yep. This guy's going to have hair for life.

What a fucker. How far works? Yeah, I think it's a maternal grandfather. Yeah. Maternal grandfather? Your maternal, your mom's father. Yeah, your mom's dead. He's been dead since 88.

Yeah, did he die with that head of hair? Head of hair, yeah. You don't die the same day they died. You just get their hair. Right. Right. So you think you're not going to lose your Lego hair? That was a Stanford Steve line.

I'm sorry. I just got in the mood because of that guy, Mike. He does say that. I don't believe that. Lego hair is fucking like, that's good hair. I want our shot. I think so. Kyle's got Lego hair.

He's got good hair. All right, what do you guys want to say about Kate? That's Lego hair. Well, Kate played rugby. Mm-hmm. So happy birthday to a fellow rugby player. Indeed. So that was your way of telling us that.

Nice. Roundabout way. Okay. He had to make Kate's birthday about himself. Kate played rugby. I actually started for a rugby team over at Yale. That's a nice touch, Blake. I like that.

I love that Kate's also proficient in Microsoft Excel, Adobe PowerPoint. She's a hard worker. How much does Kate bench and what kind of car does she drive? Why don't you just knock that out as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so what else we got about Kate? Thanks, bro.

That's not about you. Look at this. We got Fudgy. Oh, my gosh. Blake, where'd you go to school? Michigan State. Oh, you're the Michigan State dancer? Yeah, sadly.

Wait, wait, what? What? It made you dance against your will? No, but I guess I can't complain about it because it got me here. That's how I got the- So when I saw Jack McGuire said that we have a Michigan State dancer. What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean?

So, you know how Dave calls TikTokers wiggle dickers? Yeah. For about two years, I was a wiggle dicker. Alright, that makes sense. The hair, the bod, everything, yeah. Okay. Oh, I thought you were on the dance team at Michigan State. No, I wish. Well, the dance team's always hotter than the cheer team. The only way to be a downgrade from that

is when you're a couple big 10 guys. I like that. Did you blow up on TikTok? Yeah. I got like 60,000 followers. Who's the most famous people who follow you? Very cute boy. Joey just followed you.

Yeah, Joey did just follow me. Who's Joey? Kamasta. Oh. He's going to like you. Did you live in a Michigan Wiggle Dicker house? So like here's a bunch of Michigan guys and we're all Wiggle Dickin'. East Lansing Hype House. Yeah. The East Lansing Hype House?

Yeah, the East Lansing Hype House. Yeah, is that where? This is an incredible ice cream cake. It is so good. It's the fudge on top. It's the fudge on top. And plenty of crunch. Okay, anything else you guys got?

You guys are our favorites so far. Why is that? The rest were pretty brutal. I didn't know you were here, Kyle. I like Blake because he's hot. I know you were here, Kyle. I like Blake because he's hot. I like hot guys. Don't clip that. Where in Indiana are you from?

I'm not from Indiana. I'm from the suburbs of Chicago, but went to school in Indiana. Okay, got it. Wait, did you guys graduate? Yeah, we graduated two, three weeks ago. Nice. Congrats on the graduation. Thank you.

Where are you living in the city here? I'm Lower East Side. I'm at NYU right now. Oh. Like going to school? What do you mean? No, I'm just in the dorms. I'm Lower East Side. I'm at NYU right now. Oh. Like going to school? What do you mean? No, I'm just in the dorms. Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Just so we... How do you do that? Just so you know, that's kind of KB's turf. Yeah. So when he gets back on Monday, you better have a good answer for why you've moved in on his dorm situation. It was cheaper. Okay, that's not a good answer.

The problem is I'm going to be homeless for the last three weeks. Run me through that. Do you have to be under a certain age to do that? No, I mean, it's just like they open it up to interns in the city. Okay. Just for the summer months? Yeah. Okay.

So for the last three weeks of this internship, I'll just be homeless because I forgot that it's an actual school, so they have to get ready for it. He's going to be sleeping on my couch. You can crash on my couch. Are you guys best friends so far? I would say we're probably best friends so far. Yeah, three days. Which intern pisses you off the most so far?

Who do you hate? I don't hate anyone. I love them all. I don't think I hate anybody. We don't know them well enough to hate them yet. They start to talk and you just roll your eyes in your head. Who are you thinking about? This guy's going to be a real problem.

Wait, they're doing a group project and they're assigning people. Who's the person that you're like, oh, no. I'm with them. Maybe we don't need him. And if you say the women, your sex is picked. I'm going to say Kyle because we wouldn't get anything done together. Okay. Yeah, that's a fair answer.

That's a fair answer. Oh, Rico knows. Rico came out with a fair answer. That's a fair answer. It seemed like you guys would just be... Oh, Rico knows. Rico came out with us in Indiana, and it was a great time. It does seem like a smart move by Kyle to be like, oh, who's gonna... Like, I need somebody to live with me.

He'll take the fucking good-looking guy. I mean, yeah, he's a ladies' man. He gets all the girls. How many people were at the... Fickle down, pussy. Oh, my God. It was Rico, Aria, Duggs, Marty. I'm saying all the people who showed up.

Oh, I would say probably about 50 to 60. Nice. All right. And were you part of the chant that was very offensive to the guy's girlfriend? I unfortunately was the one who tweeted that on the Barstool Indiana page. Okay, so. Yeah, but I'm going to throw someone under the bus here. I did get a DM from a player on the team asking me to do it.

So there's that. Last question for you specifically. I did get a DM from a player on the team asking me to do it. So there's that. Last question for you specifically. Were you one of the people that was like, Indiana football is back? Oh, that was 100%. You were in the offseason being like, we're going to run the Big Ten now. I thought Big Ten. Rose Bowl went through. I got in a lot of arguments online.

I remember you. Did you tweet that? Well, I tweeted it. I have a bunch of friends who went to Indiana, so I tweet sometimes. We have a joke that Rose Bowl goes through Bloomington every year and just waiting until they lose their first Big Ten game. Every year. I remember in the summer last year, Indiana fans specifically were saying,

like, the time is now for Indiana. Wisconsin is dead. If we beat Cincinnati, it would have been a different season. Convinced. I'm convinced. I like that. You know what? Fuck it. I like that. Okay. Thank you, boys. Remember Kyle, Blake. Can you find out where the cake went and make sure

that these guys get some in the booth? Absolutely. I'm going to say it. Some of the best ice cream cake ever. Can you throw this out? Thank you, guys. Good job, guys. Good job. Thanks. All right. Whoa.

Flip flops. Thank you. No socks. Flip. Really taking casual Friday to another level. I didn't bring socks to New York, so. What? Yeah, I forgot.

I'm out on this guy. I'm out on this guy. That's an outrageous thing to say. Those official Yankee pinstripe shorts as well? Yeah, that's... No, those are Babe Ruth shorts. Those are his actual shorts, yeah. Okay, so Sam...

It's his birthday. Coop? Yep. Let me see. Coop? There's an E on it? C-O-O-P-E. No R.

Really? No, just Coop. Give a name. I think you spell it. It's my last name. Got it. His No R. Really? Oh, just Coop. Give a name. I think you spelled it wrong. It's my last name. Got it. His name's Ryan, but like- Ryan Coop.

Okay. Except my mom. Okay. All right. Coop. The most famous Cooper. You want to call you R.C. Cola?

Ooh. No, but I'll take that nickname. It sounds pretty cool. That would have been funny if your mom- I just thought of it quickly. If your mom also called you Coop. It would have been kind of weird. Yeah.

I'm going to call you DeVille. DeVille? Ooh. Coop DeVille. DeVille. call you DeVille. DeVille? Ooh. Coop DeVille. Coop DeVille. I like it. Hmm. Okay, what do you guys

got for Kate? So, I spent a few months at a daycare at the latter end of my senior year of high school. So, I got you a coupon

valid for two free hours of babysitting from me. Whoa. And it expires. I'll take that. I fucking didn't pack socks. He didn't bring socks. Use it now, Kate. He can't run fast.

Your son starts running. He's not going to chase him. He's fucking flip flops. Yeah. It's going to be like you're going to come home and he's going to be like, yeah, I did everything right, except I didn't. I left all the windows and doors open. Right. Your son is gone, but but apartment's clean yeah okay so so so that so that's the coupon but if you want it you want it but i mean i'll you don't really need it maybe

i'll bring them in and get some work done or something oh that's a good idea watch them here yeah where you can kind of keep your eye on them. Right. Have you changed diapers? No, I didn't. I don't think they would have let me do that because I- It's not that hard. Yeah, but like, I don't, I wasn't really on the payroll. I don't know if you'd want like- Yeah, I don't want to get a message from my daycare. We have a bunch of high school kids changing diapers today.

Yeah, exactly. That's fair. Okay, that's fair. All right. All right. And then- Are you in high school? Yeah.

Me? No, no. I'm a junior in college, or senior rising- Wait, so in high school? Yeah. Me? No, no. I'm a junior in college. Or senior. Wait, so did your school just have a program? Yeah, so at my high school, second semester, we'd have to spend, like, volunteering somewhere. And so people did, like, I don't know. You could do.

There were a bunch of opportunities, but I do think. Is that before or after the film? Oh my God! What the fuck? What? Happy birthday! Thank you, thank you. This is off the rails.

What is happening? Talk in the mic, talk in the mic. Oh, it's right there. Or sit down, sit down next to Kate. What's up, man? How are you? I'm talking in the mic. Talk in the mic. Oh, it's right there. Right there. Or sit down. Sit down next to Kate. What's up, man? How are you? I'm talking in the mic. Yay.

This is Apple singing Telegram for Kate for her birthday. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Yo, Kate, it's your birthday. We're going to party. Let's get to it. It's your birthday.

Let's get to it. Let's get to it. It's your birthday. Because we all know it's your birthday. We're going to party like it's your birthday. We're going to party like it's your birthday. Because we all know it's your birthday. Yay. I am the hip hop twerking hot dog genie. And I come in this day to wish you, Cade, a happy birthday. Oh, that's the twerk.

All right. I am the hip hop twerking genie hot dog. And I come in come here to say how awesome you are in a special way twerk a twerk do that mic Mr. Hot Dog can you talk in that mic right there yeah there we go that's perfect

can I bring it or should I bring it with you do some crowd work oh my god everybody I'm here I'm going to clarify Coop kind of like Coop kind of got... Owen, can you help him out? He was about to say something really important, and the hot dog showed up.

It's all right. It wasn't as good as that. Coop's off the hook here. Coop's like, thank God the hot dog showed up. Okay. Oh my goodness, Owen. Look at... Wait, Owen.

It's still tangled. I would get up, but it's my birthday. Owen? No, you're the queen. Fix it. Oh my goodness, is that good? Yeah, that's good tangled. I would get up, but it's my birthday. Owen? No, you're the queen. Fix it. Oh, my goodness. Is that good? Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, you're good. Now you got a little work. Move around. Okay. Yo, hi, Kate. Hi. Today's your birthday. Thanks, hot dog.

And you know, this is Big Apple singing telegrams. Yes. And I just also got to say, yo, today's your birthday. We're going to party like no other. Can you feel it, sister? All your friends are all here. Yep. Feeling the vibe.

Giving it to the bitch here. Let's get on down. Oh, clown around. Please don't make me get buck. Wow. Oh, buck. Wow. Buck.

Wow. Buck. Buck. Wow. You like hip hop? People with socks and a little margarita. Oh, no socks. Oh, no socks.

You don't like people with socks. No. No, no, no. No, no. You don't like people with socks. I do like people with socks. You do like people with socks. He doesn't have socks. He doesn't have socks. Oh, no. You don't like people with socks. I do like people with socks. You do like people with socks.

He doesn't have socks. Oh, sorry. Weird, right? Yeah, that's weird. Why you don't have socks? He's poor. I've spent most of my time in New York in the office,

so I haven't had a chance to go. I don't even like to store to buy socks. He doesn't know where to buy socks. You don't have stores in New York.

Very hard to find stores in New York. There's no one on the corners that sell everything under the sun. But socks. There's a guy in front of our building selling jeans and socks. That's where I was going. I'm sure if you just go to my pile

there's probably a hundred socks in there. Unless you're like a California type of guy. Unless you're a California type of guy. No, that? Unless you're a California type of guy. No, no. East Coast. Sorry. I'm from California, so that's why.

Love it. Everybody wears sandals. Okay, wait. Who bought this hot dog telegram? Oh, well, it's a singing telegram from Big Apple Singing Telegrams. Of course. No problem. And there's a little message, and it says,

Happy birthday to the smartest, funniest, most valuable person. This is from Stephen Chayes. At Barstool. Barstool Sports, love your boss Dave Portno. What? Oh, right. Portnoy. What?

Portnoy. Portnoy. Portnoynia. Portnoynia. Portnoynia. No way. What? Oh, my God. Yes, uh-huh. That's right. Are you serious? Yes. Portnoyia. No way. What? Oh, my God.

Yes, uh-huh. That's right. Are you serious? Yes. Port Nornia. Yes. The message says from your boss, Dave Portnoy. Hey, Portnoy.

To Barstool Gate from Dave Portnoy. Oh, my God. In my face. Yeah, get your face in there. Yeah, get in there. Give a little message to Dave. And you want to do a happy birthday song for her? Sure.

Yes, please. Me? Oh, we all have to stand up? You guys stand up. I'll narrate. You guys got to stand up. Coop and Sam. Okay.

Hot dog genie. Hot dog genie. I have no idea what's going on right now. Oh, they're holding hands. Okay, they're doing like a purse. I'm going to narrate. You got to narrate. I'm made. I don't do that. Owen, get up. Oh, they're holding hands. Okay, they're doing like a purse. I'm going to narrate. You got to narrate. I'm made.

I don't do that. Owen, get up. Owen, get up. Get up in the... Yeah, this is awesome. So they're standing in a circle. All right, now it looks a little fun. Yeah, all right.

Rico's getting in there. I'll narrate for the people. We're going to go into big circles. That has to stay there, right? Yeah. One, two, three. Happy birthday to you. All right, now the circle. Oh, Coop to stay there, right? Yeah. One, two, three. Happy birthday to you. All right, now the circle.

Oh, Coop, what are you doing? Happy birthday to you. Yay! Happy birthday, dear Katie. Barstool, Katie. Happy birthday to you. Yay, Barstool! All right.

Wow. Oh, oh, oh. All right. Wow. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Did you guys plan that? Yeah, slide. It's called slide. Slide.

Whoa. And then go like this, and then you do two times. I'm an idiot. Oh, wow. You guys must be best friends. Happy birthday. All right. Wait, Coop, Coop. Oh, the hot dog broke him.

Say something nice. If you want to hang out with Oh the hot dog broke him Say something nice If you want to hang out With us hot dog guy You can Yeah sit down We got some cake We got cake No cake

Coop you were You were about to say something Thank you I wasn't You were going to ask me a question And then a hot dog came in Yeah But

Happy birthday Kate Okay you got anything You want to say to her You know You're a great person. You're really nice. You said hi to me yesterday when I was getting water, so that was nice, you know. Nice.

Brighten up people's day. Is that a little Philly in that water? Philly? What did you say, water? Say water. I'm from Long Island, water. Oh. Long Island guy.

All right. Strong Island. Yeah, I hope this is the best year yet, Strong Island. Thank you. Here we go. Very nice. Appreciate it. All right, thank you, Coop. year yet. Strong Island. Thank you. Very nice. Appreciate it. All right, thank you, Coop.

Thank you. Appreciate it. Thank you, Sam. Go get some socks. Yeah, I will. Yeah, thank you. Do you need money for socks? I will literally pay for your socks.

Do you need money for socks? You can look in the pile, but do you need money? I'll give you money for socks. I got the money. Okay. Thank you. Can't have no socks. You got to have socks.

I moved to New York with no socks. What is he doing without socks? No socks. He gets so black. Yeah, I mean, I don't know no socks You gotta have socks I moved to New York with no socks What is he doing without socks? No socks He gets so black Yeah I mean I don't know what's going on If you don't have socks

you're f***ing Oh wow Alright here we go Thank you So romantic Thank you Nick Cole and Nick why don't you sit down

Everybody's bringing you roses I know I feel so special You are special I got fruit I got a hot dog And you're the only girl girl power here

Thank you Thank you. Thank you. All right. So cold Nick. Yeah. I didn't catch your name, Mr. Hot Dog. I'm, well, my real name is Bernard. Bernard.

I love it. Twerking Genie Hot Dog. I love it. Whatever you want me to call you, I'll call you. Bernard. Bernard. Bernard. Here we go.

Hey, Genie Hot Dog. All right. Now you want me to call you that? No, no, no. Bernard. Bernard. All right. Okay. All right. okay, all right.

Cold Nick, welcome, interns. Thank you. Another good head of lettuce. Another good head of ham. Yeah, I'm taking them in. Yeah. Okay. All right.

You got to show off the lettuce next time. Let's see it. Let's see what he got. Oh, what are you doing? What are you doing putting a hat on that? That's Major League Baseball player hair. Come on. EDC too. This kid rages.

Oh, wow. Yeah, electric Daisy concert. Something like that. That's EDC. Yeah. What do you guys have to say for Kate? He also seems like a drug guy. Yeah, have you ever candy flipped?

No, I have not. All right. Bernard, these are our new interns. This is all new to me. Yeah, yeah. So we're having them say nice things to Kate for her birthday. That's nice. Oh, so they're meeting you for the first time?

Some of them, yes. So it's a little awkward, which we love on this show. Awkward tension. Okay, I get it. Yeah, I can feel it. Yes. And what does the lettuce mean? Is that the hair?

Hair, yeah. Nice kind of lettuce. Special kind of lettuce? Oh, he's putting a hat on some great hair. Steven, I don't know your marine signals. Kate, can you please decipher? Dude, we need to have a serious chat about your bathroom habits. Head of lettuce. That's a squid, shitty, scratchy toilet paper. Go to DudeWipes. marine signals. Kate, can you please decipher? Dude, we need to have a serious chat about your bathroom habits and not to squint

shitty scratchy toilet paper. Go to Dude Wipes. Yak 20-20% off your entire order.com. Dude Wipes. Go yak 20-20% off your entire order. No, he was actually,

that was a wheel he was saying. Oh, the wheel. We will do the wheel, but let's get Nick and Cole. Are you guys the last two? Then the signs are even more confusing. We might have a couple

more rounds. Oh my God. There's so many. Yeah. Okay. We're doing a whole bunch. All right. So say something nice We might have a couple more rounds. Oh my God. There's so many. Yeah. Okay. We're doing a whole bunch of stuff. All right. So say something nice about Kate.

Well, happy birthday. Thank you. Don't say the thing you said to me earlier about how you hate Marines. Right. Oh. I didn't say that. It's clearly a happy. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Pause. You literally said that to me when you came in this morning. I wasn't talking about Marines. He was talking about Marina. See that Marine over there? I fucking hate her. What did she do? Yeah, I don't know. That's what I said. I wouldn't go against Marina. She was like Dave's right hand man at this point.

I do know Marines run on a strict diet of crayons though. That's true. I'm sorry I had a pack of Crayola and I just couldn't. They say we eat crayons. Like we're dumb crayon eaters. Oh shit. I didn't even know that was a thing. Okay, so what do you have to say about Kate other than that you hate our military? I don't hate the military.

That never came out of my mouth. Cole hates the military. And there I go. I'm canceled already. He's canceled. Canceled. That didn't work. All right, so we can recover from this.

Say something nice about her. Happy birthday. Thank you for your service. I don't hate the Marines. Why would you say that? Why would you say that you don't hate them? No one has to say that. Unless he did.

I know. Coming out and saying, I don't hate the Marines. He's digging himself in a hole, Bernard. I'm clearing my name here. Someone saying, I don't hate the Marines, you'd be like, wait. You probably do hate them. Yeah, it sounds like it. Oh my God.

I had this entire thing planned, then I got upstaged by a dude in a hot dog costume, so I don't know what's going on anymore. Bernard, his name is Bernard. Bernard. Bernard. Yeah, that's who I am. And that's a twerking genie in a hot dog costume.

Yes, I'm a twerking genie. I'm a genius. Okay, good job, Cole. I love you. Good job, Cole. I would like to see you without a hat, because that hair genie. Yes. I'm a genius. Okay, good job, Cole. I love you. Good job, Cole. I would like to see you without a hat because that hair is great. Yeah. Wow.

You've got a great beard, too. Red hair. You're lucky. Big time baseball player vibes, I feel like. Nick, what about you? What about me? Yeah. Well, nice things to say.

Color looks great on you. Thank you. Yeah. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Fix in the office hoodie available in the Barstool store. There you go. Oh. Color looks great on you. Thank you. Happy birthday. Sticks in the office hoodie, available in the Barstool store. There you go. Color looks great on her? Yeah, I like it.

That's it? Why wouldn't it? Yeah, what does that imply? Are there colors that don't look good on her? I'm not sure. This is my first time meeting her. And the first thing you were like, wow, I hope I don't see that bitch in purple. Yeah, it brings out my eyes.

Looks good. What can I say? On a big occasion, you wear a shirt that looks like a tablecloth. Hey, it was party shirt day. Oh, that is actually kind of a party shirt. I can see what's going on after. I had to do it. Welcome aboard, boys.

Thank you. Appreciate it. You guys sitting at the bar? I'm in the KFC studio. Yeah. Okay. I'm not. What do you guys do?

I'm KFC's intern. I do production stuff, so I ran the Kevin KFC studio. Yeah. Okay. I'm not. What do you guys do? I'm KFC's intern. I do production stuff, so I ran the Kevin Clancy show. I ran. I just did all stuff. I got you. I got you. Nice. And then I do Answer the Internet, so I'm editing those videos.

Nice. And what about you, Nick? Graphics. Yeah. I don't sit at the bar, unfortunately. Okay. And who do you guys not like so far? Who do you hate?

In terms of interns? I'm trying to get the skinny on which interns are. Suck. I don't think anyone's going to say if they have an opinion. I'm trying to get the skinny on which interns are. Suck. I don't think anyone's going to say it. What's the drama? I love everyone. Actually, no, I will.

The other redhead, hate that kid. Oh, Kyle? This town is only big enough for one of us. One ginger. I'll tell you, you guys had to stay up together.

Fuck, dude, we were big Kyle guys. He's really a redhead, but she dyes her hair. I do dye it. I'm gray. Bernard, don't call her out. Bernard, it's my birthday.

Bernard. It was a bad joke. It was a bad joke. All right. All right. Thank you, boys. Appreciate it. Welcome aboard.

Yeah, appreciate it. I'm going to remember your names with me to keep the name tag on for a couple days. Yeah. That would help. Peace out. All right. Thanks for having me. Thanks, guys.

Thanks, guys. Happy birthday. All right. Let's do- Now, while the next two come in, Bernard, where did you do your summer internship? Oh, nowhere. In my house. That's why I did it.

My first time lounging. All right, dude, spin the wheel. Spin the wheel. You're right. We have to do the wheel real quick. We got to spin the wheel. Thank you, Nikki 2.0. Connor, thank you.

Connor, thank you. That's Connor we got. All right, this is going to suck if we have to do something bad right now. Oh, so we spin a wheel every show. Okay. We might have to get wet, Bernard. This is all new. I never even seen the show. Honor, thank you. Best Connor we got so far. All right, this is going to suck if we have to do something bad right now. Oh, so we spin a wheel every show. Okay. We might have to get wet. This is all new. I never even seen the show.

Oh, yeah. So, Bernard, if it lands on wet, we all go under the shower together and come back and finish the show soaking wet. Yes, unfortunately. There's a shower in the bathroom over there. If you want, we have a hamburger costume if you don't want to get the hot dog wet. I'll do it for fun. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I mean, it might happen. All right, go ahead, spin it. And this is not TJ spinning it. Oh, it's not spinning. Oh, it is spinning. wet. Yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, it might happen. All right, go ahead, spin it. And this is not TJ spinning it. Oh, it's not spinning. Oh, it is spinning. Here we go. Oh, no.

Oh, God. KBS Wild? Is it a KBS Wild? What's that? Uh-oh. Hi. Dry means we're all safe. Oh, good. All safe.

Dry means we're all safe. Oh, it would have been bad. It's either wet or dry. Oh, I get it now. There's a bunch of things on there. There's other stuff on there, too, but the wet is what you don't. Oh, no. It looks like everyone's coming back here.

Okay, all right. So, quickly, Connor. Yes. What was your name? Nick. Nick 2.0. Nick 2.0. Okay, so what's up, boys?

Not much. How are you guys doing? Good. Not much. Nothing going on today? I would say. Another day. Huh. Yeah. Yeah, is this a regular day. Not much. Nothing going on today. I would say Yeah, just a regular day noted

There's definitely more like positivity in the office. There's something going Thank you. All right. So what do you guys want to say first? Your eyes. Oh, that's a second time. That's a second time. Our only second nicest feature. Your personality is the first. Stop it. Oh, my God. Okay. Even this guy's trying to fucking get it.

He's encroaching on Kate. Are you going to do something? To Nardog? Are you going to do something about this? This guy, Nick, 2.0. 2.0. He's just trying to pick up Kate. She's a

married person, right? No. Just a slut. Sorry. Only he could have fucked that up. Only Steven. Good one. Connor?

Just that you bring so much brightness to the office and every single morning you bring so much brightness to the office, and every single morning you're always coming over to the bar saying hello. And I cut clips for this show, so I always check out the comments and everything, and everybody is Team Kate. Everybody loves you and wants you on the show. And, yeah, just to relay that from the crowd. Thank you for that, by the way.

What do they say? Yeah, Connor, what do they say about sass? Since you read the comments. Yeah. They say some nasty stuff about sass. They say that, yeah, like sass is kind of weird. Oh, look. Is this the finale?

Grand finale. All right. Happy birthday to you. Oh, my goodness. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Kate. Happy birthday to you. Thanks, guys.

Oh, my God, Kate. All right. Best interns ever. Bella and Sammy for the win. Thank you, guys. Oh, my God. They're doing cookies. It's cookies. Look at Coleman.

These guys fucking missed out. Giant delicious cookies. If you would like one, Bernard. Oh, that's great. All right. Thank you all, interns. Great job. Give yourself a round of applause.

Good job. Thanks, guys. Try to keep the name tags on for a couple days. I want to try to remember some of your names. Although, I got it. Coop, you're my dog. Yeah. Nick.

Wow. I know that. What a great crew. Nikki 2. Nick. Wow. What a great crew. 82.0. Connor. What's that? Everyone start this week? I think so.

Yeah, they start this week. Is that all that works here is interns? Yes, we are an intern factory. Straight intern factory. That'd actually be a nice spin on a business. We just make interns. Wait, Bernard, so what's the rest of your day look like? You got another one of these?

I had one earlier. I may get another one later on today, but I had, what was I earlier? I was a twerking chicken. Oh. I was going to say, so are you like Clark Kent Superman thing? Yes. Do you stay in the hot dog suit? No.

No, it's too hot. Right. It's too hot. You're always on the ready. Yes, I'm always on the ready. Yesterday I did three. So I was like three different characters. Because I do them so many, especially now I'm starting to do more.

So I start to forget what did I do. But yeah, I do all kinds. I do Pink Gorilla. I do Beyonce. I do Michael Jackson. Oh, Michael Jackson. Mad Dog. I do Beyonce. I do Michael Jackson. Oh, Michael Jackson. Mad Dog. That seems problematic. Is this the craziest place

you've had to do one? Thank you. Appreciate it. Anywhere else? It's the most interesting. Yeah? It's the craziest. HR. Wait, wait. I'm talking to Mike. Oh. From the HR department. Kate, Barstool Sports. We're HR department, Kate, Barstool Sports. Yes.

We're appreciating women today from Barstool Sports. Is that something we're supposed to be doing? Yeah, Barstool Sports. I mean, no, not here. Okay. Would be nothing without its women. You are the hottest of them all. I didn't mean to say that.

To show that we care and understand your demographic of old moms, we've included gifts for your special day. Oh, wow. Your mom? Oh. Oh, yeah. Werther's Original. Not bad. Menop your special day. Oh, wow. Your mom? Oh. Oh, yeah. She is. Werther's original. Not bad.

Menopause test kit. Oh, nice. What the hell? Walgreens feminine cleansing wash? Oh, my God. That stuff's good. What is this, over the heel stuff? We're just trying to help her out.

No. Preparation H. Hemorrhoids blew out my asshole giving birth. Oh, my God. I gave birth. Oh, God. Oh, you just had a baby. Yeah, they do.

Oh, you don't even look like it. Oh, Cocoon's brand sunglasses. They block out all the sun. Oh, those are good. Those are good. Those are blue blockers? Oh, yes. Yeah, they're blue blockers.

Blue blockers. Practical. Like Uncle June. And then finally, Centrum Silver, 55 and up. Oh, my God. Yeah. You're ages. We're just trying to help out.

The HR department's really, you know, trying to make an emphasis on women now. I love that. Thank you. You guys really understand me. That's pretty nice. That was awesome. Thank you. What a great gift.

This is the best day of my life. Is it? This truly has been a delight. Kate, I'm just here to help. This is depressing. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, of course.

All it took was one fudgy to rail and a couple of interns. It doesn't take much. They're buttering you up. That's a stoolie sent me a fruit basket. They said they like me on the yak.

They sent me a letter. It was a random stoolie? Yes. What'd they say? They said, hold on, oh no, my fruit. They said,

new stoolie for many months now. You're my favorite. One of their handwriting's tough. Deadpan, happy birthday from Saida. I'm probably reading this wrong. Hoping you earned a permanent spot on the yak. P.S., if you're sharing this, Brandon is banned unless he does a slow banana. So that's why they sent fruit. So Brandon has to do a slow banana.

What's a slow banana? It's just eating a banana as slow as possible. Very literal. I thought it was like slipping on a banana. No you have to chew it very slowly. It would take you like two hours to finish one. Bernard what are we getting into tonight? Tonight I'm going to I have a puppet show so I'm going to be What? Yes I have a take you like two hours to finish one oh bernard what are we getting into tonight um tonight i'm

gonna i have a puppet show so i'm gonna be i'm what oh yes i have a puppet show wait i'm gonna be working here yeah i am yeah that's so cool pandemic i i discovered it yeah you have an instagram can you i do shout it out it's called the pupton show p-u-U-P-T-E-N. The Pupton Show. Yeah. The Pupton Show. It's on YouTube. It's on Instagram. It's on Facebook.

Oh, you've got to come back. Yes. Oh, and I can bring my puppets. If we can make yak characters. They're really cool. They're like. Can you spell it again? Like the Muppets.

P-U-P-T-E-N. We should do a full puppet episode. Yes. That would be awesome. I would. I can do something, too. I could create something really cool.

Oh, my God. I don't see it. The Puppetin Show? Yeah, The Puppetin, T-H-E, yeah, P-U-P-T-E-N S-H-O-W. The Puppetin Show.

So, the, yeah, a lot of names. Samden, Meba, Meba. Yeah. Wow. And I'm going to put more stuff out. There's going to be music.

There's going to be. I want it to be for like everyone, adults and kids. Yeah. Yeah. It's really different. This is awesome. You're the best hot dog that could have walked in here today. I'm a good hot dog.

Wait, we need to have you back for sure. Yeah, please. Need a full puppet show. Yeah, have a puppet show. Puppet show. Yeah, please. Need a full puppet show. Yeah, I have a puppet show. I love that. And I play different characters. So one of the characters is Miss Betty. Okay.

Then I have other characters where I'm a captain of a ship. Should we do some improv or something? You and Kate? Yeah, we can. Don't. Help. Oh, my God. I'm the new intern hot doggy.

Hot diggity dog. You look great. They only hired you because. They like you because you smell like hot dogs. It reminds me of me. There's a little Mickey Mouse there. Oh, thank you. There's a little Mickey Mouse and hot diggity dog.

Yeah, hot diggity dog. Hot dog. Hot dog. Hot diggity dog. Hot dog. Hot dog. Hot diggity dog. Get on your feet.

I got to hear that again. It's Mickey Mouse. My son is just in my head all the time. Hot dog. No. You got a call? I got to take that. All right, well, we're going to wrap up anyway.

Okay. Thank you for having me. Yes, Bernard, you're the man. You're coming back. I will come back. You will be back. Yes, thanks for staying. Whenever we have someone like you who comes me. Yes, Bernard, you're the man. You're coming back. I will come back. You will be back. Yes, thanks for staying. Whenever we have someone like you who comes into our life,

they become a character on the act, so you're going to come back. You're going to do a whole puppet show. Oh, my God. It will be incredible. It will be so beautiful. Steven, anything last you want to say to Kate? I love you, Kate.

Hope you have a great day. Have fun with Party Peg. Thank you. Have a great weekend. That's why I am heading to Wildwood for a chicken parm with my aunt Party Peg. Thank you. Have a great weekend. That's why I am heading to Wildwood for a chicken parm with my aunt, Party Peg. Fuck yeah. A couple vodka drinks. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Steven, you hear that? A couple vodka drinks? HR just delivered me a package in here. Now's not the time. He's enthralled with me. Do you see the way he looks? He's such a creep. He was born without a sense of humor. All right.

Well, great show. Happy birthday, Kate. This is a lot of fun. I laughed very hard. And I think Nick and Kate B are back on Monday, right? Yeah. All right. So we'll see you on Monday.

I think full crew. I think Brandon might be out for a little bit. Okay. So Kate will be here if Brandon's out. Yeah. Remember, can I just plug my, my, my,

yes, my big Apple singing telegrams, singing telegrams. And there's all kinds of other performers too. Not just me. I love it. Thank you, Dave.

That was so unexpected. Thank you, Dave Portnoy. Yes. Yes. Thank you. All right. See everyone on Monday.

Bye everyone. Bye. Bye. Bye. It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee pop It's the act It's the act