The Yak - The Birth of Cheah-B | The Yak 9-20-23

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

Stu Nation, rise upYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Good lord Good lord Oh fuck Tommy scoot over here brother Scoot over Sorry Kate I think she showed up late but really she started walking across the screen like

20 minutes ago. Oh, yeah. I did. Huh. It looks like I'm the father. Now everyone thinks I'm the father, probably. Are you done? I'm done.

Why are y'all sitting so close? Well, should I sit here? All right. Because if the cat sits there, our legs aren't up. It's the Yak brought to you by Roback. Best hoodies, best Q-zips, best joggers, best T-shirts. I'm looking at Zah right now. He's got one of the best-looking hoodies on.

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Go ahead and use code YAK on Roback.com for 20% off your first purchase through the end of this week. Again, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. That's 20% off all polos, hoodies, shorts, and more with code YAK. All right. Big Cat will be here shortly. He's just doing like a 10-minute tape or something. He's in a conference call.

Really? Yeah, but are you concerned? Like you view yourself as one of the big guys, and you're not in it. I never have conference calls or meetings or you think i should go be in this conference i think you should i mean i don't view myself as a big i view myself as i saw titus in there next to titus was in there yeah titus is not in that call no mince mince was in there too mince he is in there yeah yeah but i think he just followed a trail of breadcrumbs he's in a cauldron now speaking conference call

oh okay okay all right oh that's right there miss you don't have to act by the way i don't think he was oh all right all right uh yeah so Dan will be here shortly I guess Yeah I guess that's The crew KB fresh haircut Looks great

I look like Steven Yeah you look Whoa you're both In red shirts today God you do look like him Which I'm fine with Wait a minute You're fine with that

I don't want to think like him But I think looking like him Is fine What would it take for you To start thinking like him Probably fine. What would it take for you to start thinking like him? Probably multiple head wounds? That or oxygen deprivation. I think you and Steven having a baby now is Jake Marsh.

I think that's how that... I look like Jake Marsh as well. I've heard that. We can't see Steven though. Yeah, we haven't shown... Steven, why don't you show yourself? I mean, people know it's Steven. People remember it. Oh, yeah yeah i guess you're right no that was this is a good bit we've tried to run

you can't just oh wow oh i look you look nothing like yeah that's a tough that's like you even had it that's steven holding his action figure. Oh, man. Oh, nobody. That's super Stephen fan. That's just how it is. Stephen, you're sneaky big. What are you, 6'3"? You're sneaky big.

I don't think people believe you're... They don't think big when they think Stephen Chai. All right. Should people think you're like a mountain of a man? I wouldn't say I'm a mountain of a man. I'm taller, but I'm not like freakishly tall. Alright, when it comes to Stephen Che, what do you want? The top three things. You want Pussy Eater.

What do you want your three traits? NFL Draft Guru. Once ran a 4-4. Probably best prop better in the world. Alright, so Pussy Eater. Best prop better in the world. All right. So Pussy Eater, best prop better in the world. What's number three? The mustard thing, the windowsill mustard.

Yeah. No, probably not what I would want for my top three. That's a good question. Maybe just like all-around good guy. Okay, so not father. Okay. Not husband. Good father is not the top three.

I think that would be assumed in good guy. So you would... Okay. Number one is pussy eating. Number two is prop betting. And number three is all around everything else. Yeah. On a worldwide scale,

you think you're a better pussy eater or prop better? What percentile do you think you're in? Well, there's whole cultures that don't eat pussy, right? So you'd be ahead of them. Gay people. DJ Khaled. Those cultures also probably don't gamble much. Do you think you're a top 1% prop better?

In the whole world? Yeah. Probably, because probably 95% of the world doesn't bet props. Are you better at eating pussy or prop bettors? I think there's more pussy eaters than prop bettors. If I had to guess. Definitely. So I'm a prop bettor. You're one or the other.

You're the only one who does both. You'd put both of those above Bucks fan? I think so. Wow. Wow. Oh. Okay.

All right. Interesting stuff. Truly is interesting stuff. Tommy, how are you doing? Good. How are you guys? There's definitely more pussy eaters than prop bettors in the world. Without a doubt.

Okay. Well, I mean. But like, do you only eat. Lesbians probably don't gamble at all. Does one prop bet make you, yeah, you're right. There's millions and millions of lesbians. There might be five gamblers. Why doesn't Barstool try to corner the lesbian gambling market?

Kate? Initially, they hired me thinking that. Yeah, then dead giveaway down there. They got to know me and they were wrong. Do you think there's more pussy eaters or prop bettors at Barstool? There's got to be more. they yeah wrong but i don't know do you think there's more pussy eaters or prop betters at barstool it's got to be more oh that's a good question betters by a mile i don't know a lot of selfish guys i think there's more pussy no way no i i would guess out of sexually active men i would say what 75 to 80 percent i'll dabble in a plus i think that's

yeah but it's here and there not in your box of like it's you don't bring that out i don't i don't bring it up on first date you know i don't say i'm gonna eat the shit out of your puss the first date i don't bring that up on a first day that's second day second day yeah say it like over dinner yeah might have a nibble on your puss telling a woman you plan to do it before you. Yeah, we're not talking about talking about it. Do you do it on the first date? Not usually.

I think it's a weird move. It's happened before, but not. You've eaten pussy on the first date. We all have. I've had like three first dates in my life. Yeah, I've nibbled. Nothing crazy. You keep using... I've nibbled. Nothing crazy. You keep using...

I've nibbled. He's been doing it wrong. Also, I don't know her name and she's just staring at me. Don't worry about her. She's just here. Don't worry about her. Okay. Yeah, I've dabbled in a nibble. A nibble or two.

You have to really like her. Not necessarily. Gotta hate your dick. Yeah. Trust me. We need help, me and Kyle. So you're thinking about a rebrand? Not a rebrand, but a rename?

That's a rebrand. I guess it is. That's exactly what that is. Wait, because you can't call it Anus anymore? I think we want to change your name. They can't call it anus anymore. Really? Anus, from a business standpoint, it doesn't. You can't sell that. Yeah.

I think it's ran its course. We didn't even want it to be called anus in the first place, really. Okay. It was just a one-off joke that stuck? Yeah. Imagine that. There's not any companies that are just okay with that? Well, dude wipes, but then they realize the show sucked.

So you do have a limited window. You have to impress them and they have to be okay with anus. So it's just, it doesn't make sense. Do you have like a top group of new names that you have so far? No, I don't have any. Yeah, so a new one told story is also wordy. It's like a sentence fragment with no unique words. I still say just shorten it to story.

Story with. How is that not taken? Well well mostly sports was taken by like 30 people and you just did it yeah why not brandon walker what about i'll just oh okay yes that's what we did yeah what's a cool podcast name untold stories cut out a new that's already like a documentary yeah it's huge that came out after us what about something like the uncrotchables oh that's pretty good it was the recrotchables oh the recrotchables uncrotchables forging greatness forging greatness i was thinking santa's naughty list yeah pretty good snl oh fuck i did not even think of that oh man what about the protocol with oh yeah kb and nick or nick that's pretty cool protocol the smokes show perfect mode already have that perfect the perfect podcast perfect mode you see me next to steven i am a cartoonishly miniature not perfect and i'll never be perfect.

Strong I get or how much I bench press. I'll always look shorter than I am strong. No way. I don't think so. I think strong presents itself before short. Well. Yeah, look at that. That's pathetic.

That's not horrible. Steven, your hair is kind of That's pathetic. That's not horrible. Steven, your hair is kind of oofy. It's not that big. Yeah, it's his hair that makes him taller. Yeah, it's the hair. Sure, it's the hair. Sympathy. Yeah, I spike it up a little bit.

Yeah. Glasses. You can add glasses to your description before they think short now. It just doesn't have as much volume. Oh, wow. I mean, the length isn't there. He just got a haircut yesterday. I did.

Why are you saying everything so matter-of-factly? He always does. You're saying it with such emphasis. Everything you say. It's just my cadence. Tommy, did you get your flirt on on advisors today? We haven't done advisors yet. Oh, are you excited?

Are you going to? Flirt on with the weather? Is Stu here? I assume he's somewhere in the city i think he spent the night with uh jerry last night spent the night that's what it looked like they were doing oh yeah they had a dinner together yeah are you getting a hotel one day a week yes i fly in tuesday nights at like 8 p.m i get to my hotel at like 11pm. Wouldn't it be better just to replace you with me? No, I don't think that would work.

No? Fuck. Nicky Stats? That doesn't work. That makes no fucking sense. It doesn't make any sense. There's no rhyme or reason. There's no alliteration. Hey, Big Cat, can I have Tommy's spot on advisors? Yeah, of course. But it just doesn't fit the Nicky Stats. It would save so

much money. Where is Mook? He got his couch delivered the fuck mook i know what's up guys sorry i was late i was on a meeting was it all like the head honchos at barstool no it wasn't it was a ad meeting oh okay some money oh hell yeah what do we got we got great sponsors just trying to let them know that they're it's it's always tough to be, you can bet on me knowing my gambling track record, but I did say, like, you can bet on me. For this. Right. Yeah.

And you didn't... My mortal luck. Y'all didn't need me in the meeting? No, we did not need you. Okay, all right. Your name did come up, though. They're like, make sure that Brandon doesn't do any of the ad reads. I was like, no problem.

No problem. What's up, everyone? Do we... TJ? Hey, TJ. TJ. Hey. What's up everyone do we TJ Hey TJ What's up sleepyhead Hey TJ Glad you're here So TJ wait Steven do you want to sit

We have an open mic TJ I don't know where we should start Should we start with your dad There's a lot It's been a long 12 hours. So your dad, is he VP of scheduling at Parcel Sports now? I think Ron on radio said that he's above Dave on the work chart.

Yeah. So it goes Pete, your dad, Dave. Yes. So your dad basically dropped the hammer on son of a boy dad, got him to change their time slot. I mean, it worked. Yeah, I didn't know how that kind of power really worked. What was the conversation like with your dad after that? He just texted me like an hour after and just said,

are you mad at me? Oh, no. Were you? He's a grown man. That's a yes. That's a good answer. I mean, so at one point in my Barstool life, I was yelling at him when he would tweet stuff because I thought it was going to come back on me. And it does, but he's a grown man.

He's established himself online. He could fight his battles if he feels like it. I'll deal with the consequences. Yeah, this one is also different because you were friends with Ronan Sass, so it's not the same. We're friends, I should say. And also, Dave was the one who told Rico or Ronan to change his

time. So it was actually Dave who did it, not Tim Hitchings. Dave saw John just blog about my dad's tweets. Yes, yes. Okay, and then, how'd you sleep last night? Bad, I guess. What do you mean?

We're really good. Yeah, really good. What time did you wake up? 9.59. Wait, don't you have a show at nine? Yep. But it was just, it's not your like priority show.

So it's not a huge show. That's true. You're here. You're here for this. What happened? I do feel bad because that is the worst feeling ever. I don't know. My brain allows me to turn off alarms

without waking up. Oh no. So like I set 25 alarms and I wake up and they've all been turned off. Yeah. So I don't know how to fix that. My brain checks scores when I'm not awake. If I put the phone too far away, I just won't wake up at all. I'll just let them ring for hours.

So if anybody has any solutions for that. Do you take any like melatonin or anything? If I took melatonin, I still wouldn't be awake. So you just woke up at 10 o'clock today and you're like, holy fuck. I went to bed early last night too. Damn.

We thought he was dead. My parents probably thought I was dead too. I had 50 missed calls. Yeah. Oh yeah, I sent... Never mind. Did you hit him you hit him up wait whoa you're sitting here today i like this yeah i can't my back can't deal with that that's hurt look to your left look at shay we look alike now look at him yeah it's good that we're making the pregnant lady sit in the bed no this is mine two pillows yeah you're in pain Yeah Hey switch me

You're just so down for it That she literally Is probably in agonizing pain Yeah She has to be Hasn't said a word I cannot Sorry

That's gonna make Kyle a little sore Yeah No Well she just wasn't comfortable Alright so TJ I feel bad now Because you're so sad about it

No I just Yeah Whatever punishments come If you guys want to help Brandon and Titus Figure out a punishment Well I'm not punishing you. No, but they're going to.

Well, they shouldn't. They're assholes if they do. What do you guys say? Especially TJ. He's the one that keeps saying, punish me, punish me, punish me. We'll figure something out. Oh, he's sick and twisted. Yeah.

S&M. Wait, so are you not going to punish him? We'll figure it out. We might let our chat decide. No, I think you should buy a really, get him a really obnoxious alarm clock oh get him a large clock that like punches him in the nuts yeah nut punching alarm that would be sick like a shock collar or something oh yeah that would work bdsm that would work maybe yeah we'll come up with something so wait so you you woke up at 10 o'clock and then that that is the worst feeling in the world. Yes.

To be like, oh, fuck, I have to correct everything. I was immediately like, okay, I'm fired. I guess I should probably move back to. You would not be fired. What are you talking about? That's just how my brain works. I would actually love for Brandon to try to fire you because then I'd fire Brandon. No, you would fire me because I fired him? Yeah.

It'd be fire off. He'd still be fired no we'd rehire him under a different name somebody would rehire me but then tj's dad would fire big tj's dad would fire big cat yeah that's true that's true probably put me in jail yeah what was the other thing that tj fucked up that was it he didn't oh you had two things you said yeah well yesterday the dad thing and then and then today he no show. Like, me and Titus are doing a show, and listen, I was worried to fucking death. Like, he's never been late in three years.

And then his dad, I'm like doing the show, his dad is DMing me, saying, hey, have you heard from TJ? We haven't heard from him. We're very worried. Oh, that's scary. That'll give you quite a scare. Yeah. You should have faked your own death for a day.

Yeah. You just gave it a couple hours. That would have been a great, that would have been great. Like if you had just walked in the act halfway through and been like alive. If you did that to teach your dad a lesson. Maybe you stay off Twitter, dad.

Maybe I will die next time. Well, now I'm bummed out because you're bummed out, TJ. Yeah, I'll get over it. He's fine. You're fine. There's no problem. Show goes on. We gotta get TJ a Latina. Yeah. I'm in for that. No, and your diet's

down the drain. Oh, yeah. How is that going? That's true. You know you're eating hot Cheetos for breakfast. Barilla tacos every day. Latina puss. Latina puss. Latina puss. We were talking pussy before you got on.

Oh, because you see Jerry, I think, offered up his girlfriend last night to Stu. It did seem that way. Yeah, it did seem that way. It's a joke, but Jerry's the only person who I'd be like 5% shocked if I walked in. Or no, there's a 5% chance that I could walk in today and be like, yeah shocked if i walked in or no i'd be there's a five percent chance that i could walk in today be like yeah i just it happened did uh stew meet her yeah yeah he went went to the house yeah horny as fuck or i don't know well check up stew wants to meet everyone i actually had to have the conversation with my wife last night i was like at some point in the next

like couple months i'm gonna have to let stew come over and she was like what and i was like yeah what was the tone of her what she was just like a confused one and i was like you don't even have to be here maybe it's better if the whole family's gone yeah yeah but we will stew is the best i he he is very sweet with kids i mean he bought my son when he turned one a PS5. Those are pretty tough kids. That's what Kenny Powers did. He bought him a PS5 and I think it had Spider-Man and Call of Duty. And your kid's been

lucky, right? He was one. But yeah, he went to Jerry's house yesterday. Had a great old time. And is he going to be in here? I don't know. I'm going to text him right now, actually. Like now actually like 10 minutes if you're hosting stew finer for dinner who's been very open with that he's just an overeater how much food is appropriate to prepare because normally be like a meal for four whatever like you have to prepare a ton extra right no i think you prepare the normal amount you would prepare and then let him deal with the consequences.

I don't know. I feel like that's kind of rude. You would make... Stu doesn't eat as much as he... Like, he gets a bunch because all of Farmingdale comes to his house. Yeah, I feel like on a Monday night, he's probably not eating 10 meals. Right. I got some awesome breaking news you guys want to

hear yes please um we just taped pick them and go tune in tomorrow mincy made a guest appearance and we were talking and mincy uh wake up mince is coming back yeah live live oh you want to hear the fun part what motherfucking time uh i think 9 a.m eastern oh 9 a.m eastern i think 8 a.m oh yeah yeah brandon was worried i think we're gonna try to figure out how to have a live studio audience wow yeah wow Yeah. Wow. How sick would that be? Like computer or real people? Real people. We let like 10 people in the office every day. Yeah.

See, just wake up Mincy, then they got to leave. Put their phones away. Yeah. Yeah. Just for wake up Mincy. You can definitely make that happen. Yeah. Yeah.

I like that. Yeah. Wait a minute. Why don't, it should be outdoors. Oh, him in the freezing cold just bundled up yeah with bleachers oh i like that too in front of the bean every morning to the people because it needs yeah if he's taking it to people it's got to be outdoors it has to be outdoors but yeah wake up mincy in front of a live studio studio audience every morning and the best part is nothing can go wrong nothing right nothing at all yeah diverse audience that should we will have to have a diverse audience

yeah that would actually be funny if we got like a black guy who likes was like a mincey body double for any time he wanted to do some karaoke just a black guy dressed exactly like mincey every day yes just in case that's his guy stunt cock uh-huh all right so what else is going on that idea it's good to see you tommy good to see you you got a lot of energy yeah yeah what is uh what's going on in new york anything like give us a lowdown very different no i wouldn't say very different let's say seems pretty similar i mean should smoke's kind of in charge out there now but should we kick the shit out should we kick the shit out of tommy and then have him go back as a message to new york yeah oh come on it'll be cool maybe cut his head off yeah something

nail them at one of his fingers yeah pretend you could because i'm about tired of their bullshit over there do fake blood or something i feel like we've simmered down we have i feel like new york's getting all the good drivers don't you for like a week it would be fun to beat him up yeah no no no but we're all such good friends so it's just one of you guys allowed to say like chicago no it's it's there's two words you know that's on the list and meek phil is having a run meek phil's meek phil's having a ride meek phil though he's got to be careful he's a little close to the sun like he thinks so well he he's been fine so far but yesterday he was filming an argument uh and like

on radio there are times where he has to contort his body to film things, but he was going a little bit too much yesterday, filming an argument between Big Evan and Clemmer. What was that? That was the best one. Can we see the behind the scenes of the argument? Yeah, is it getting a little too much? There's none behind that.

Oh, here it is. This is it, right? Oh yeah, maybe it's this. He's having a ton of fun he's having but he's living his dream who tweeted yesterday was it you the tweeted that he looks like dave and under yeah yeah yeah oh i like that stew thought uh meek phil was me really he'll kick the back of frank's chair stew got mad at me. Oh, no. Speaking of Rome, so there will be a live Son of a Boy Dad today at 3 Eastern, right? Yes.

Good. Just give them that publicity. So is that the new time or that's the time it got moved to? I think it's yes to both of those. What you just asked was the same thing. Oh, yeah, you're right. What was the drama around they want to go four rico goes at four oh so they're going at three they're going to three

yeah okay yes yes yes no drama there was uh some concern with the bracket yesterday because uh we usually do that at 3 p.m in the radio room is that where son of a boy dad's going i think they're going to do that in a podcast studio, probably. Yeah, Bracket's recorded, so time shouldn't matter, should it? Well, just to get, like, for when Nick and KB are done with the yak, it usually has to be, like, three. And then yesterday we were doing it in the middle of the office because Rico had healthy debate, and then we had trouble with the Zoom,

so they ended up doing it this morning. Oh, my God. Every slot's pretty much full. Yeah. yeah so you and the weather girl soon but dude is today the day this is your third date with her i i don't think we've said a word to each other i don't know i don't know where this smokes roll where he's i don't know where this narrative has started i will say i got tagged in like uh messenger and just be like i'm so sorry about these guys i got tagged in like an instagram post from i assume one of her friends that was like a picture with her and they were like tommy and stew will take care of of her in chicago does

she does she not live here oh i don't know she just moved to chicago i think yeah i think so well you mean hopefully she lives here because you guys are going to be sharing an apartment. Yeah. Right? No, I don't. I don't know why this narrative started. Is that Baha? Pick it up. Pick it up.

It's from Saxapaha, North Carolina. Saxapaha. Saxapaha. Saxapaha. It's like Saxa. Yeah. Wait, so MOOC. What happened to MOOC today?

Wait, what was on the yak? Overslip. What was on the yak? Oh, nothing. Wait, now I want to see it. I have emergency talking points. It's an emergency. Come on, Kyle. Kyle, come on.

No, it's not. Do one of them. We're shooting the shit fine. We almost weren't. Before Big Cat got here, we were in an emergency. I'm not going to be here tomorrow, so save a couple. Also, did Piper post yet? What's going on with that?

Piper has a ton of followers We're going to let her crew a bigger audience And then drop a heater Give me one of the emergency talking points No Then that would negate it being an emergency Can we do them tomorrow? No it's intuitive

Can we do them tomorrow? It's an emergency right now. Yeah, it's not. Uh-oh. Help. This would be considered a emergency. Yeah, it's not long like this.

Do you think you popped more tabs or took more peas? Wait, what? Do you think you've popped more tabs like a soda can more piss definitely more definitely more definitely way having like 10 sodas i didn't want to say it yeah we just we just broke the glass for the fire extinguisher, and it was like a joke fire extinguisher. The building's still burning.

Yeah, well, I mean, you guys got it out of me. How long have you been sitting on that one? Well, every day on my Uber ride here, I put down some emergency topics. I like that. It's a crazy, lull in conversation, and I think it's closer than you think as an adult yeah because there'll be days where you put down 15 beers you did that last

some people yeah some people are soda drinkers there's a lot of days you drink zero beers then there's days where you maybe poop is a better yeah i think poop is a better I think poop is a better one and maybe after like a certain age because you can't do like zero to six you it's a blowout have any of you guys I think adult life is those I think I'm going to start counting my pee's

have you guys ever pooped and no piss comes out at the sitting all the time and then I have to pee after I forget to pee no oh that's i always pee first always standing up one no i sit down i pee a little bit and then i poop yeah yeah we sometimes i pee after too if it's a really long poop yeah let's run through these ones kyle okay yeah let's do yeah well maybe next week we'll do an emergency topic show where everyone has to bring the like the dumbest things they can think of.

But we need examples. Yeah, we need examples. So run through these ones. What about popped more tabs or pressed more buttons? Oh, buttons, right? Yeah, because video games. Are we considering a laptop? Keyboard, yeah.

Buttons and blowout, right? Yeah, buttons and blowout. I don't know if I'd consider a keyboard a button, though. That's a key. Yeah, that's aout. I don't know if I'd consider a keyboard a button, though. That's a key. Yeah, that's a button. Is it? That's a button. But video games, have you ever played video games?

Well, that's a button, undeniable button. Turn more keys or touched more scalps? Turn more keys. That has to be turn more keys, right? Turn more keys. I don't know. How many scalps do you touch? For kids, though?

Like, I touch the top of my kid's head all the time. Does every individual touch count or is it just once you touch one kid, that's your... He said touch more scouts. Use the key to unlock a door or touch a scalp. Is that one or is that

every time I do it? It's got to be key. Every time you unlock a door. I don't know. Think about how many keys do you have now because cars don't have keys anymore. It's touch scalp. Does your head count? No, it's not touch scalp. Does your head count? It's touch scalp. More cumulative time drinking from a water fountain or

getting head. Oh, I think it's head. Water fountain. Oh, man. Yeah, I do come fast. But I used to be the... steven i asked you this on twitter like two years ago yeah what did i say why are you asking on twitter because i was uh at a water fountain and i was like i mean i haven't drank enough water i don't do this that year i don't i think it's gross yeah it is water fountains aren't gross but if you ever oh they are summer

you don't want to get your mouth to your outdoors you're spending probably a couple minutes a day at the water phone. No. Never. Never. Like several times, several trips. I think an average session is about eight seconds. Yeah, but you're doing it several times. If you're at summer camp.

At 10 a.m. Yeah. Why didn't you answer? Yeah, you didn't answer. Hydrated top getters doing everything. Yeah, no one would be an educated answer yeah actually someone had to do the math someone did the math on that i think it's um well it obviously depends on the person but i think it's water fountain but imagine the head start water

fountain gets on head like it's got it's got the school age catholic school so not much. Yeah, you do have a head start. As a kid, school was a lot. Right. Every time I was in the hall. You're there 180 days a year. So you do it two or three times a day. It's got to be water fountain. But then you get crazy sessions where you just can't come.

Yeah, it takes forever. One 20-minute session is years at a water fountain. 20 minutes a hit? Sometimes. I do not like hit. Really? What? Then why don't you just ask him to stop? Why do you got 20 minutes? You can't tell someone to stop giving you head. Wait, you don't like

head? No, I do it all the time. I say, stop giving me head. We talked about this. You called me on part of my take, remember? Why don't you? 20 minutes? Come up here and kiss me. Come up here and kiss come up here and kiss everything get up here no no what don't you like about i just i find it stressful why because if it's the least if you could de-stress her no if you come too quick it's like oh this guy never gets head and if you take too long it's like well how long you know how long does i start to feel bad for her she's just down there sucking nothing's happening I think you're thinking you're the only

person who gets head and is like oh I'm worried about this yeah and what do I and I it's always like what do I say oh that's not that's not in my arsenal yeah what do you say enough not just

sit there dead maybe make a little small talk catch the game last night should Tommy say yeah what should Tommy say or he should probably does she small talk. What should Tommy say? This is upsetting. What should Tommy say? Does she small talk back? She's got the whole dick in her mouth. He wants to let her know that he is enjoying it.

Maybe squeeze her shoulder. Circle it back around to a nice little scalp touch. Practice on Steven. Yeah. No, Steven, get your head closer to his. And maybe like a,

yeah. And like a nice, ah, like a, you should make a sound. No, you don't get too close, but yeah,

let's, okay. Why is this in front? That was, yeah, that's just not my arsenal, I feel. Yeah, I think you're right.

They're with me for the jokes, not the grunting. You might be thinking about this too much. Yeah, probably. That feels like something that you should just... And then every time I do end up getting head from a girl, I hope she's never seen me talk about it on any platform. Otherwise, she's like, my God, that's awkward. Well, it's probably awkward anyway

because you're sitting there completely silent, not making any noise. Terrified. Terrified. You might have to text her and just be like, I'm sorry I let you suck me too long. That's what I wanted you to stop. I didn't know how to tell you.

Damn it. That's a good point. What is too long? I feel like too short is kind of objective. 10 minutes? I think it's too long. 10 minutes is too long like i feel like too short it's kind of objectively 10 minutes i think it's too long 10 minutes is too long yeah yeah i've got 10 minutes ahead of my life yeah what the fuck 10 minutes tell me what i said it's too long i know but i but how long's a session for you i don't think 10 minutes is i have to go to the hospital right 10 minutes is amazing 10 minutes i have to act as a liaison between the time where you think you're about to come

and then the second act. So you break it up. Right. Ideally. You're doing the acts. It's act two. I do. The acts.

There's the first act. Oh, fuck. I got to make this go longer. Then the second act is the head and the third act. A charley horse. No, you're right. You're actually exactly right. The first minute is just like got to make sure i last a little bit and then yeah you gotta make it and then but then when you get to the second act the third act comes

quickly yeah you might have to fake this might have to fix in there fake a piss yeah i gotta go to the bathroom right after no a break? Wait, after? No. Yeah, what? What are you saying? I'm saying if it's taking too long. You do a break? You have a halftime of your head?

Yeah, that's like leaving a Broadway show to go to a bogey. If it's taking too long, and I'm like, all right, this is gonna get awkward if it doesn't happen quick. A little velvet curtain goes down in front of his face. Hands are popcorn. He's like, go get a snack. Get some Skittles. Intermissionary.

Have you said that before? I've never said intermission. No, have you ever said I've got to take a piss while getting hit? No, no, no. It's like, oh, well, you know. I get your dick in the bathroom. If you take a break, how do you initiate the second half? Time in.

Don't move. Remember that thing we were just doing? It's an extendo. It extends it. Anyway. Jesus, Tommy. Something else. Casanova.

Text a girl right now and just be like, hey, did I... No. How was giving me help? I would love to interview. How was I of a recipient of that? You should get reviews of just like, how good was I at getting... Man, Tommy.

What a weird creature you are. This is not going to help with ashley i don't want it to help with ashley look it over for you you think she's great i wouldn't even call her a friend we've never spoke well i don't think we've spoken much many words at all you said her friend tagged you in something there was a post from like her friends that were like wishing her farewell and or to chicago and the caption was like hopefully stew and tommy take care of ashley in chicago so there's been discourse in the group chat about you i think it's probably more of like based on the joke of big cat's note in week one that wasn't my note it was you wrote that i didn't write that objectively number

objectively you have my phone no i don't i never. I have your phone number. Objectively. You have my phone. No, I don't. I never texted you. We don't text much, but we text sometimes. Steven, will you do the first ad read? Yes. It's time to load up on ice and break out the oversized lawn games. Actually, we are supposed to give a slight break in between this and the conversation we just had. Another break?

Break? Just like head. Just like Tommy getting head. Have you walked more steps or read more words? Ooh. Steps in a blowout. No.

No. Again, steps has such a big head start. Yeah. Is that a three or four year head start? You don't take that many steps when you're... You take a lot of steps when you're two or three. The average person is 8,000 a day. Think about text.

Oh, it's... Think about text rolling Twitter. Think about just books. It's not just books. Signs, phone, subtitles, internet. Even when I'm walking, I'm texting. Yeah, text. Signs, phone Subtitles Internet

Even when I'm walking I'm texting Text messages Social media This is a no brainer I don't think it's a blowout It's tough If you're going 8,000 steps a day You don't walk anywhere

Why? Nobody paces. Yeah, you probably don't. What's your, open up your app right now. No, I don't need, I don't have my phone. Let's compare steps.

Why? I want to see how many steps. Is it less than like 4,000? Yeah, it is. Show me. I'm going to. Which app is it? Health.

Health. Health, okay. How many steps? I got it. I'll get there. You just want to take it? Shadow band. From health?

Yeah, from health. I'm low today. I'm 2,000 steps. That's nothing. Okay. Uh-oh. He paces. Remember?

Yesterday, you got 5,000. Yep. The day before, 5,000. Sunday. Oh, not bad. He paces. Remember? Yesterday you got 5,000. Yeah. The day before, 5,000. Sunday, 1,900. Sunday wasn't, yeah. Sunday was football day. Saturday, 2,000. Football day.

2,800 on Friday. Football day. Huge day on Thursday. Went to the high school football game. 6,000. Oh. Yeah. This is saying humans only read like a few, a couple to a few thousand words a day. But we walk. I would say generally I walk like 8,000? Oh. Yeah. This is saying humans only read a couple to a few thousand words a day,

but we walk. I would say generally I walk like 8,000. Is that including text messages? That's a good point. But then you've got to also think about being in school. Walking around the city. That's true. I mean, even one long book has got to be.

I would say do you say more words a day? Again, though, as a two- or three two or three year old you take so many steps and you build up such a lead on words that i feel like not even it's it's words in a blowout you're watching tv even you're reading if you take let's say you take 5 000 steps a day as a for the first four year five years of your life then you learn how to read you're not walking that much as a four to five year old. You don't have a four to five year old. You walk a lot. I think they walk a lot.

I hear Stu's voice. Why don't we do the ad? It's time to load up on ice and break out the oversized lawn games because the High Noon Game Day Pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves pear and cranberry along with black cherry and grapefruit made with real vodka.

Real juice is just 100 calories, gluten-free, and it has no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, not a long time. Visit HighNoonSpirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you. I'm sure we'll be drinking a lot of High Noons this week. Or we have a... that's i shouldn't mention that but uh yeah this this weekend i'm sure we're gonna be having a bunch of high noons beautiful weekend high noon city we got a roof ball this weekend actually the uh the trailer we have for the doc we can air exclusively yeah we should we should air that yeah go on over

the security guard walked over and was like, Stu's here. As if we didn't hear him. Wait, he just walked over to us? Yeah, walked over to us and was like, Stu's here. Security guards are great here, though. Nice guy. Go sit down. We're going to watch a roof ball preview for the documentary.

Stu Nation. I like it. Yes. Yep. He did finish the documentary. Stunation. I like it. Yes. Yep. You did finish the ad. Unlike me getting a blowjob. Yes, dude. Don't finish. Stunation. This stunation's hopping. Wait, I want to see it.

Take the bottle away. I want to take a picture. It's a great shirt. Bealextu.com. And if we sell enough, we can put it on the Barstool store. Oh, yeah. How are you? Good. How are you?

Live right now? Well, yeah, we're waiting. We're going to watch the... Oh, okay. By the way, everyone, please subscribe to the Yak YouTube channel. We never tell everyone to do that. Like and subscribe. We need you to do it.

It helps the algorithm. Like and subscribe to the Yak. Stu, are you still doing your podcast? Yes's that going only stew podcast thank you thank you for that i love you uh i'll be honest with you you know his name nicholas okay it's one of the greatest episodes me and my son alex have ever done it's fabulous it's an hour 20 minutes of a roller coaster pure energy we do it in the basement. We're only doing the audio. We're not filming it yet because I'm in my underwear.

And certain times I whack it during the episode, which Alex thinks is gross. But you do what you got to do. But I think it's a fabulous. If you love podcasts and you love me and you love Barstool, only stew podcast. Only stew with Stu and Alex. me and you love barstool only stew podcast like only stew with shadow and alex i love you what traits of yours does your son have all of my all of my sons uh 34 32 28 24 four boys have and and my wife have are the direct opposite me. Yeah. You tell nothing about your life. It's nobody's business what you do ever, ever, ever.

And you're very respectful, but you don't boast. Like my son, my third son, was all Long Island, all Metro, 113 tackles, third most in school history at Farmingdale High School, which had Ronnie Heller as a pro football player, Joe DeAng, the first Joe Paterno. Tom Kennedy? What. Tom Kennedy? What? Tom Kennedy?

Tom Kennedy, a place pro. So he was the best athlete at baseball, football, basketball, soccer. I coached him all four. He hated when I got there and started screaming. He would have literal fights right in front of people and say, Dad, why are you being a douchebag? Why are you riling up the crowd? And the way I play sports and the way I've always done it,

because I'm like, on a scale of 1 to 10, as a pure athlete, I'm probably a 6. But like I told you last week, with my heart, I play like a 9 1⁄2. So I like to tell you I'm great. I like to tell you every play I'm fucking running. I like to tell you I'm fucking coming, and I'm going to embarrass you and fuck your girls.

That's how I play. I don't want to sneak up on anybody. If you sneak up on someone to me, that doesn't even count if you win. That's a joke. That was like a fucking sham. That was like a magic trick. What do you mean sneak up? I'm fucking ramming

it down your throat and that's how I do it. My son's point was that don't be a douchebag so to answer your question, they're the opposite of me. They're much smarter than me much more confident much more internet savvy Stu I got a question for you we were just talking Tommy doesn't make any noise when he gets head

not a sound no I just said sometimes I feel awkward I don't know what sounds the three times you've got head what does that mean? I just go nothing so first of all what do you three times you've got head, what does that mean? It says nothing? It says nothing. How weird is that? Alright, so first of all, what do you do? You sit in the chair, roll your eyes back?

Usually it's in a bed, not a chair. Are you thinking of fucking her vagina or her ass? Wow, she's getting... It seems like I'm not fucking Mr. Fantastic. I can't extend down there. You go like this. I'm lost here. No, I'm usually more on bed.

What are we talking about? If I'm lost here. No, I'm usually more on bed. I'm under and banging. What are we talking about? If I'm in bed laying down, head on the pillow, and she's... How does she know that she's doing well? That's what we're saying. That's why I sometimes... Positive reinforcement. That's what sex is all about.

Sex is a positive reinforcement. If there's no reinforcement, how do you know what you're doing? That's why I do it, but it's not my style to go, oh. Do they thing to fuck your ass while you're getting head? I don't like my, well, only if I'm at Dr. Barry Shepard's. How long does it take you to blow your load? If it's a blowjob, it might take a little bit. What does that mean?

I don't know, seven minutes. Seven minutes? Seven minutes. You're lying. it might take a little bit. What does that mean? I don't know. Seven minutes? Seven minutes? Seven. You're lying. Seven minutes is a long time. Seven minutes to hold your load on a blowjob? Yeah. Absolutely.

I'm thinking like 30 seconds. Yeah. There we go, Stu. You know. Agree? Seven minutes. Stu, do you view yourself as a good wingman? Because Tommy has a little crush.

Stop with this narrative. I'm a fabulous front man and a wingman. I play both games. I play what it is. Like when we went to bars when I was young, obviously I was not good looking. I was short. I was fat. So all my other friends, and Sandy can attest to this, were all fucking tens.

So I just sat there eating pretzels at the bar and waiting to go at three in the morning, you know, with an epic fail. No women before Sandy, prior to Sandy. And I have my twin cheese, large fry, vanilla milkshake, lemurang pie, and chocolate pudding with ice cream. So that's all I look forward to. That's ongoing. Am I a wingman?

Yes, absolutely. I can play the unassuming short tiny Jew. You can't play unassuming. Wait, lemon meringue pie, vanilla shake, and chocolate pudding? With ice cream. It's unbelievable. Why? I'm a diabetic.

It's unbelievable. No, I love the sugars. I love sugars. Sugars and carbs is my entire life. So what should Tommy do? Well, what's the unassuming short tiny Jew? Let's say Tommy would look good. He would dress.

Hypothetical. In this fantasy world. If he needed to get a beer, we'd do two shots of tequila. Shout out high noon. We'd guzzle a couple high noons. Not really, but we will. And then what are you going to... Then I would ask you, who do

you like? I would normally... I'll tell you a random name. Ashley. Okay, so let's say you go up to Ashley and you would immediately say, chills went through my body. Looking at you. I don't want to be creepy. I don't know.

I think you have to say the creepy thing first. But also creepy shouldn't be like the fourth word out of your mouth. Creepy shouldn't be. I went through my body looking at you. I don't know if I have passion or asthma. That normally makes them laugh. Yep.

They'll give you a look. You're above 5'10", so you are presentable. Under 5'10", you have to be great or have a ton of money. But over 5'10", at least you're 5'10 and then you would dick drop i am dave port noise and big cats assistant yeah right and then you would go sup sup yeah and then pretty much if i would then you know in 1978 if it was 78 i would take her hand and put it on my cock. Oh my God. That's 1978. That's a long time ago. That's your limitation.

I would take her hand. Adjust it for inflation. I would literally say, what do you do for dick? That on any given Sunday. Remember that? It was the best line to move. That big guy went to that 80-year-old woman and he said, what do you do for dick?

What are you willing to do? You don't have have time here you're not looking for a wife you're looking to come well no this one is this one could be why i'm looking for this might be the one oh you're looking for a relationship what if all she wants to do is talk about the weather i would immediately get her oh that would be a problem i would immediately get her her a Tiffany's thousand dollar gift certificate. And you're betting a dime that you're going to get a date. Yeah. Because like to fuck a hot girl. I feel like that wouldn't work.

I feel like it'd be like a one simp. In your single days, what's the largest gift? What's like the most expensive thing you've ever given to a girl just on the off chance of getting pussy? I married my wife without a prenuptial. I'm 14 million. Have you done like the $1,000 gift card? No, listen, truth be told.

I was a fat, short kid. I was ugly. I had no shot with women. I would get handjobs. I got like 100 handjobs when I was in seventh grade. They were handing out handjobs to ugly people? What? Oh.

Say that again? They were handing out handjobs to ugly people? Yes. Like, I want to do something sexual, but you're ugly, so. Look at Stewie's crying in the corner eating a hot salted pretzel. Can we get my handjob? Where were they? Fat girl.

I always went for the fat girls because fat are easy. They went for you. Fat girls are easy. You know that girl who looks like from Willy Wonka? What is that? Oh, we know who she is. You know that girl? That girl has a drop-dead gorgeous face and a horrific, horrid body that I'm sure her pussy smells like a...

All right. I think the rankings might be more appropriate. I want to fuck her in her fat blue outfit, and I want to fuck her when she changes into the yellow outfit. Wait, she was a child, Stu. She's not a child. She's like 40 years old, 30 years old. You're talking about the giant balloon girl

that does the Ozempic. She's 30 years old? She had an everlasting gobstopper, Stu. Oh, I don't want to fuck the Willy Wonka. I want to fuck the Ozempic girl. You know what I'm talking about? What the fuck? Gar dance or something.

You got them mixed up. What? Who's the Ozempic girl? She's not morbidly disgusting. Go on a diet body. Eat a salad. None of these words match. Trying to turn the whole night's stuff out of here.

Wait, how does the Ozempic come come in? You started at Willy Wonka. Where did Ozempic get into? Jar Dance or something. Monjero? No, I don't know. I'll screenshot it. Okay, I take you. Let us know. The girl bothers me. But what was the connection from

Willy Wonka to that? Because you ask. This really gets on my nerves. My sexual inabilities when I was young and getting handled by a woman. That's the connection. It's really ticking me off how fat this girl is. Even though she's 400 pounds. It's like I put a girl's head that's nice on Doug's.

Shout out, Doug's. There is no Doug's head That's nice on Doug's Shout out Doug's There is no Doug's Doug's moved back to Florida? Yes he moved back to Florida That's a little sad Listen Listen Can we talk the real thing

About Doug's? Well Parents are worth Like almost 10 million dollars You just I swear on the top of God You said he was a billionaire No no no

Never said He's worth Parents are worth 10 million dollars Every week, they go to the fucking country club and you got to spend money there. I'm not crying for Doug's.

I'm never crying for Doug's. Please. He's got anything he wants. He owns a house that now he's living in and it's getting rented so he has no rent. Are you going to miss him though?

I love him. I'm going to miss him because he was a real guy. Like, forget about the internet. He was based off of video games I know Brandon what? did you have a problem with him?

Brandon never liked this I remember when I dick dropped no no I remember when I dick dropped that Doug's parents had money your whole body went white and you wanted to die no

he didn't present why did you hate Doug no no no I sat beside him at the old office I sat across from him every day we talked every single day

and then I was like you never told me that your family was worth and you did say billions at the time that was just too fun to exaggerate okay

but I said you never said you were worth billions, and then he was embarrassed, and then it caused... I was fine. I got the real number. I was one of his... Ten million. We spoke for a long time. Ten million is the real number.

I was one of his best friends. His father does not give... He went out of his way to tell me when they went to the movie theater and they had no money, his father would not buy the ticket for him and his sister because he said, listen, my money's not your money. You better work for your money. Damn.

How'd they get into the movie? What? How'd they get into the movie? I don't know. Maybe they stood in the corner and gave him jobs. I don't know. He's like, what's it there? I mean, I'm not all worldly.

I don't know everything. He knows a lot. I know a lot. Come on, Che. Oh, man. I love you still. Is this her? Oh, man. I love you still. Is this her? Oh, yes.

You thought that was Violet Beauregard? You thought that was a Wonka character? Wait, you love her or you think she's too fat? That girl wasn't the size of Violet Beauregard. Oh, man. And she's attractive. If she lost 300 she'd be the same

300 the other one had to be juiced by Uber that girl should be in the negatives he confused her

with Violet that was a scene with Willy Willy Wonka yeah he's like what is this this yellow

this yellow dress I just drop a load right on the floor oh my god watch this oh I love yellow look at that This yellow dress, I just drop a load right on the floor. Oh, my God. Oh, I love yellow. Look at that. I love you. I thought you were disgusted by how fat she is.

I am. Oh, no. I think she's hot. Holy shit. Oh, God. Shout out, Jake. Nancy! What's up, you motherfucker?

What's up, Stu? How are you? Good. You look fabulous. You look thin. Thank you. Love you. I feel thin.

Love you. Oh, my God, Stu. So funny. So we were in the casino, the New Valley's casino. Fabulous. And then we were walking over. This is a great segment. We were walking over to the Steak 48 place

that's directly across from it. It's supposed to be the best steakhouse in Chicago. Is that true? It's new, right? Yes. It's probably got a lot of work to do. It's supposed to be amazing. So then I came here, but can we go back a little bit?

First of all, plane landed, went directly from the airport to Jersey, Jerry's house last night. Beautiful house. Met his partner, met his son, hung out with Jerry. Gorgeous house. And he's very handy, so everything looked fabulous. I love

the house. Absolutely love it. And we had a fabulous meal, hung out, and then we went home. We went to the new hotel. We were in some Hilton canopy in Chicago, which is gorgeous. First two weeks, and now we're in the Hilton Chicago, which I swear

to God, I thought the Untouchables was going to walk right fucking up to me and hang out with me. I was looking for fucking, I was looking for Andy Garcia, I was looking for Sean Connery, I was looking for Kevin Costner, because that's the feel of that place. It's massive, it's enormous. We're on the 23rd floor. There's

14 elevators. Holy shit. On the 23rd floor. So that place holds like 1,600 people. But it looks like Al Pacino, Robert De Niro is going to roll down. It's so over the top. It's gorgeous.

Loved it. Loved it. You had a good dinner at Jerry's house? Amazing dinner. He got Italian, and the Italian was very good. And I wasn't in the mood to binge for some reason because I was super tired. So I ate a little. Sandy ate a little. Jerry ate a little. And his partner ate a little.

It was great. Hung out. And his son is so great. Hung out with him, watched some kid TV stuff, hugged it out. So ready to roll. Love it. Yeah, ready to roll. Ready to roll.

I'm ready. I'm ready for the invite to your house Yeah, ready to roll. Ready to roll. I'm ready. I'm ready for the invite to your house. I said before. It's already discussed. I'm waiting. I'm laying the groundwork. Perfect. Listen, I will wear a mask and I won't touch your wife.

Whatever you want me to do. I told my wife yesterday that you were going to come. You really shouldn't have to say that. Simple enough for a quest. I'll wear a mask. No, I laid the groundwork. I put it out in the universe last night. It's going to probably take a few

weeks to let it settle in. Fair enough. Shout out. Shout out. I can't wait. Shout out. I can't wait. Wear a mask. Damn, who's this masked guy who hasn't touched me? He hasn't touched me once. Did she have her bat mitzvah? No. Did you have your bar mitzvah? I did. I didn't touched me. He hasn't touched me once. Did she have her bat mitzvah?

No. Oh, okay. Did you have your bar mitzvah? I did. I didn't learn anything. No, neither did I. I learned how people really hate you. They hate them for it. Dude, you're the best.

I love you so much. I try to be. I try to be all to everyone. Oh, man. That's what it is. That woman. Shout out. The poor woman on that commercial. I love her. He, man. You know what it is. That woman. Shout out. The poor woman on that commercial.

I love her. He loved her. First, what's your least favorite part about her? I hate you guys so much. Like, for example, the least favorite thing about her. I believe if I ate her pussy, she would. She doesn't douche. I would hate that. I'd work through it. Don't. I mean, would... Okay, I shouldn't ask that. She doesn't douche. I would hate that.

I'd work through it. I mean, I'm not saying I wouldn't. Look at me. I'm not a big shot, but I do what I got to do. I'm every man's man. Do you have that... Any questions, Kate? Do you have that preview, TK, ready to go?

All right, good. A little palate cleanser. Roofball. Roof ball. Roof ball. 24 years ago, a man threw a football onto a roof. Come on, show your balls. With a ping. A ping. And the world of sports would never be the same.

After remaining relatively unknown for two decades, a video of a 2008 tournament of the sport of roofball surfaced on the internet and sent shockwaves throughout the sports world. Good afternoon and welcome into the 2008 Roofball World Championship. Today's a great day for roofball. We'll see that on SportsCenter tonight. 24 years after this game was invented, it left the neighborhood and entered through the doors of Barstool Sports.

It's like the roof ball guys. They created a game in the 90s and videotaped it, and they just released it the last week. Love this. Meet Adam Willis, the visionary behind it all, whose passion for competition

and expertise in broadcasting allowed a simple sport to explode into a global sensation. This actually looks like super fun. So fun. Yeah, I could play this for hours. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh!

With the eyes of the world now on him, he looks to excel not only as a competitor, but as the head of the league he hopes to merge with the media empire, and lead into a bigger and brighter future. That's gonna be special, boys, okay, should we do it? Get ready to witness the evolution of a sport, the resilience of a visionary, and the power of passion. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Give me that!

Let's go! This isn't just a game. It's a reminder that dreams, no matter how unconventional, are worth chasing. This is Ping Over, the relentless rise of roofball. Oh, I love it. That actually gets me. Steven, how bad do you want to win now? Yeah. This is my favorite part.

This gets me excited for you guys to play. I would do it to fly across the country. Just spend four hours there. Have you checked the weather? Oh, hell no. Because they play no matter what, right? Yeah. They do.

What is it? Portland? Yes. Beaverton. I'm going to check it for you. Are you guys going? Maybe next. Yeah, they're competing.

What if I told you? Wild cards. That's right. Put a hat and glasses on me and a little beard. Saturday, 68 and overcast. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect roofball weather.

Oh, man. Brandon, you've never played. Oh, yeah, Brandon. You don't know what roofball is. He did play. No, he didn't. He made a video, right? Oh, yeah.

While y'all were off having fun. That was. It was so, Brandon, it was so much fun. I was home. It's harder than it looks. Yeah. Like, it was way harder. I was bad at it.

I was very bad at it. I really thought that ball was coming down when I threw it over the roof. That was such a funny moment. Yeah, it was there. How was Tommy there? It was fun. They needed someone. Fucking Tommy?

Yeah, we knew he was bad. You need someone, Tommy hops in. As long as he doesn't try to fuck one of us. That fly has been mostly buzzing around Brandon the entire episode. And it's really been gross to watch. Has it? I haven't even noticed it yet. It's been constantly.

I can't take my eyes off. It's been mostly focusing on you. We need to get some apple cider vinegar. There you go. Are you pro big game hunting, Stu? Oh boy. Like elephants? No.

I have elephants. I have big paintings of elephants in my office since forever. In the 80s and elephants with the trunk up. No. No way. That's about as bully as you can get. Are you Kyle?

No. Okay. I think some of them are cool guys but wrong ideals. Once it got to the extinct level, you got to pull back. Up to that point,

if that's what you've done for hundreds of years, but, you know, if they're instinct, you can't do it. It's on Che's sheet. Got it! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wow.

Hey, good job. Smash that shit. That was ancestral. Go ahead and open the book of life and close that gnat's door. That was a fly. Before Yom Kippur. But he got to be on the yak. He got to be on the yak.

Yes. That fly got to be on the yak. That's true. He went out with a bang. Are you anti-big game hunting? I don't think about it too often. I think the African hunting, killing elephants is kind of fucked up.

Yeah, but I think it's the amount you pay for it goes towards conservation. I don't know. Zah, do you know what I'm talking about? Kill a lion and try to save someone from not doing it next time they come. Zah, what's the deal with that? I was hoping you wouldn't come to me.

It's meant to be that way, but because of the corruption, the money actually usually, it depends on who you go through, if you do it properly. What they ask you to do is if you go for one of those big games that are edible, you at least have to, in whatever area that you're in, they ask you to leave the carcass for the villagers to eat. Okay. My thing is, does it take any skill? Do you need any skill to

kill a big fucking animal so if you're doing it legally you go out with a professional hunter so you need two shots it's your shot that you fire most likely not going to drop it because the margin for error is very very small you have to literally hit it by like the heart of the brain and that's very hard when it's charging at you but the professional hunter hits it hits it with a backup shot just just in case. So I don't know if you guys have seen the videos of the animal charging, and then it drops right in front of you.

I don't want to see it. I'm pro deer hunting. That is a good deer. Way too many. Well, I was deer. So I'm pro. If it's done the right way, it's good. Because if they do, I mean, humans,

that's the thing that gets political. We are in their territory but when they go into like yeah this territory they just thingy so we they try to do it where where they minimize the the effect on like the ecosystem for that so they they'll count them let you come in for a hunting season if they get too overpopulated and that's it i mentioned to this this to you before but 2025 my family really wants to take a trip on an African safari. Yeah. Could we collab?

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Why 2025? So part of my cousins that want to go the other way until the kid gets a little bit older, old enough to take them on an African safari. I see. Okay. Makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know about big, big game.

You want to do the last ad read, Brandon? I would love to, but can't. If you can. What is that? That's my... Is that your gum? Yeah, well, it's wrapped up in a lot of gum. But it's sticking to the...

Yeah, I'm sorry. No, you just take the whole thing. I'll get another one. All right, it is. your face is the first thing people see when you walk through the door give them something to look at with manscaped handyman the handyman stew you're you might be wondering stew what is the handyman um brandon what is the handyman i think i'll get that to a minute and uh let's see with the Handyman SkinSafe technology to help reduce nicks and cuts, you can finally feel confident when going for that close shave.

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Well done. It's easier being down there if you feel like you're at an artisanal garden. Yeah. The bushes are well-rounded. Sure. It's zen. And it's zen. You can go somewhere else in your mind.

I keep it, you know. Yeah. So, Stu, back to Tommy and Ashley. Yes. What is his first move? Because I feel like the whole, like uh can i can i just say my yeah i don't know um yeah give us a hint what the opinion is she literally is a super sweet girl she has well you don't know who it is we're talking about hypothetical girl

ashley we're talking no it's a hypothetical girl named ashley heard that name oh um you don't know her you know something i um very uh i have the ability to read someone immediately and it's a gift from god it might be a magic trick it might be i'm delusional but i look in someone's eyes and i could tell immediately if you're looking to fuck me. Not sexually. If you're a scam or you're real. She looks very real. She looks there under no pretense. She's, I think, a good human.

Tommy has zero shot with her. Because the second that show leaves, unless she's been told this to stay away from me or stay away from people. Wait, you're talking about a real person again. Oh, this is a random thing. Hypothetical. Wait. Finish that. Finish that, though.

I was curious for that. She's been told to stay away from you? No, no, no. I don't know that. But my point is that hypothetically, she shoots out of that fucking studio like she has somewhere to go. Right. And like someone's chasing her with a gun i think if she had any overtures or any like any feeling at all about tommy she would at least stay to say

goodbye tommy right we haven't spoken at all i'm not i'm not looking i'm not do you just listen this is hypothetical there's no yeah hypothetical for you to defend something that's hypothetical right yeah sorry so just relax that's on me that's on me you. Yeah, sorry. So just relax. That's on me. That's on me. Can you do that? I'll calm down. I'll calm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's hypothetical.

But if you're asking me as a Jewish matchmaker, can I help the process? I think if like randomly I just give her an envelope for $2,500 and say from Tommy, I think that goes a long way. Okay. A long way. $2,500 is the real number though. Anything less than that is a long way. Okay. A long way. 2,500 is the real number, though. Anything less than that is like a joke. I'm sure she can go to a bar and people give her 500, 1,000 now because she's a superstar. All right.

So that sounds like a good plan. Yeah. I mean, hypothetically. Tommy, did a Jewish man think you were Jewish in the airport? Yes. Yesterday. You look Jewish. I always thought you were Jewish until your mother's Italian and we talk Italian and we talk every day about Italian

food. You look Jewish to me. Yeah, I know. These two, I was sitting eating dinner in the airport and these two, either Hasidic or Orthodox but yarmulkes, beards, curls and like hats came up to me and it was a father and son and the son was like a Barstool fan and then

the dad said something like, oh, Yom Kippur is coming up and wish him happy Yom Kippur and the son was like a barstool fan and then the the dad said something like oh yom kippur is coming up and uh like wish him happy yom kippur and the guy was like oh no the son was i don't think he's jewish and the the father said look at him he looks more jewish than i do if you have the pronounced european nose you have a very big very pale complexion. I don't think that. Very straight cheeks. And to me, those are the qualifications for being Jewish.

I don't think I'm that pale. If someone asked me what you do for a living, I would say lawyer. Right, yeah. Accounting. How many people are not lawyers that are Jewish? Not many, right. How many people are not lawyers that are Jewish? Not many, right? How many what? If you want to get a good lawyer, you get a Jew.

You know what I'm saying? Right, right. I don't know what else to tell you. What was it? Weak jaw bones? Weak cheekbones. And a very weak jawbone. He looks like, you know, you're like, I'm sorry, man.

That's tough to hear. I try to bring up just other stories. I just got to get past the big nose, the weak facial features, and the pale skin. No, I didn't say big nose. I said the European. Right, European. It's not a big nose. It's a king's nose.

It's just there, you know. Yeah. Like if someone said to us, you are Pee Wee Herman's son, we would say yes. Is he Jewish? Shout out, Jewish. Yes, he's very Jewish. Everybody in Hollywood. He's dead, though.

He's dead. He died. Yeah. Yes. He blew his career up masturbating in an X-rated movie and got caught and got outed. Yeah. I don't really think that. But that feels like that.

You got a comeback, though. Isn't that what you do at this point? Yeah, literally. But he got blown up and he was he was brilliant he was amazing he was creative i love such a funny concept that they used to do like porno movies showing but you couldn't jerk off you remember jack nicholson on the part of you see a big cock yeah and taxi driver they were all up in there did you ever go to one of those two the only time i ever went is I had to

return, I think it was 19, I want to say 1978 to 79. I might be off a year. Leonard Skinner died in their plane crash. Yeah. And I had 300 tickets for Leonard Skinner at Madison Square Garden.

So we went to return the tickets and it was me and my friend Freddie. And Freddie never had a girlfriend. Giant fat guy. Giant sweaty guy. 500 pounds. Got me into this business. Shout out, Fred, in heaven.

Oh, he's dead. Yeah. He died like 10 years ago of obesity. But be that as it may. So he wanted to go to. So it was Leonard Skinner. And the warm-up band was Robin Trower. And we were going to make so much money on the tickets.

At the time, tickets were like $11 BO. We were selling each for $60. It was a killing. $49 times $300, like in 1978. Think about it. So he said, let's go into this theater. Let's just see what it looks like. We go in.

Of course, I buy popcorn, because I'm not going to a movie theater. Truth be told, the popcorn was gross. It smelled like it was stale. We went in and everybody was masturbating. We immediately left. That was my only experience. Everybody was masturbating in the place.

It was one of the most skeevy places I've ever seen. I got the popcorn on the floor and we ran out. We ran to Penn State like little bitches. Freddy, what a legend. If you go to a movie like that and you bust your load. Do you leave? I think you have to leave.

I think because what else are you? So then if you're the last guy there, you kind of win. I wouldn't leave because I have like two or three more loads. I think you'd lose. I think the last guy loses. Dolenz is to your girl. I don't know. Who shoots one load in the 20s? Or does the first guy win? I think the last guy loses. Dolenz is to your girl. I don't know. One load. Yeah.

If the first guy gets to lead. Who shoots one load in the 20s? The last guy just watched 30 people blow their load. I'm not watching. That guy could be in the first row. But you know that if someone walked up and stood up. No, you know. Well, in 1978, they all looked like criminals.

They all looked skeevy. And they all were like loud. Not like Tom'sevy, and they all were, like, loud. Not like Tom's getting a blowjob. They were like, ah! Yeah, I think you want to be first out. Did something key happen to you in 1978? Because every reference you have made today has been in 1978. I know.

I'm old as dirt. I don't know. You going back to, like, 2000. But you were probably, what, 18? Yes, I was 17. Yeah, pivotal years. 17. Pivotal years.

It's a big year. I think going to that and not jacking off is almost a little bit weirder. Yeah. What are you doing? I can never jerk off in public unless I'm at an actual porn event. A porn event? Well, that is a porn event. Isn't a movie theater like that a porn event. Unless I'm at actually a porn event. A porn event? Well, that is a porn event. Isn't a movie theater like that a porn event?

No. What classifies this? Like the AVN award? Well, if you're on a set of porn. If people are doing, you know, porn or hanging out with porn and you know people that do porn. Shout out Goldstein. Shout out Screw Magazine.

So if you're just in the same room of someone who does porn. Right, absolutely. You could, you know, if somebody's high, you could shoot could shoot a load on how many people do you know that do porn um over the last let's say 35 years uh zero but i met al goldstein who did porn every day and shot all his porn all his pictures for screw magazine goldstein where else he's been dead european i told you a thousand times. I went to Overeaters Anonymous. I went to an inpatient clinic at South Oaks Hospital in Amityville.

Yeah. And I went as an outpatient. So I went every day. I had to do a 90 for 90. 90 meetings in 90 days. So I went to South Oaks Hospital for four of my meetings. Wait, this sounds like this was like a punishment. Did you like eat something?

No, no. I went to Ovis Anonymous. I was 262 pounds. I was about to die. They told me to get out of the sports business. Stop eating and admit myself in. I go, I'm not going to admit myself in and I'm going to be in this business forever. So the settlement

was go to the meetings. So it cost like 7,500 a week in 1984 to go to this place because it was renowned and whatever. It was like supposedly they'll cure you and blah, blah. I met Al Goldstein. And he befriended me. He sent a limo on Sandy's birthday.

We went to the 21 Club where you couldn't get into the 21 Club in the 80s. You needed to be a member and it was a hot seat hot seat thing we went to his fucking uh you know 30,000 square foot apartment in Manhattan it was the craziest thing ever so he loved fucking loved me couldn't believe what I did for a living love my story blah blah became very friendly with him so we did things together you know brought me to you know met Ron Jeremy went uh went to some some-set sites in Manhattan. All the women were disgusting, like throw up gross. They weighed like 40 pounds each.

Like I wanted to give people food. Fucking forget about fucking them. I was disgusting. But that's what it was. You did tell me this story. Yeah. I think last week. What?

Yeah. So it's one of my stories. It's one. You got many. I have a lot. That's true. Shout out to a lot. Shout out to a lot. Yeah. So it's one of my stories. It's one. You got many. I have a lot. Shout out to a lot. Shout out to a lot. Yeah.

Big shout out to a lot. Yes. What else we got? Stu, I love having you stop by on Wednesdays. It's an honor. It's open. My greatest. It's the best show that Barstool does by far.

You make more money doing part of my take. Shout out, PFT. But this is the best show. Everyone loves this show. Everybody loves it. The two things people love, I want to say from Barstool, that I didn't know was so strong because I never knew this show was so powerful because I'm thinking, who the fuck listened to it one to three?

It's this show and fucking High Noons. Do you realize every time someone comes to my house, they have fucking High Noons? Yeah. I want stock in High Noons. Is that on the stock? Is that on stock exchange? That has to be the, I mean, people drink high noons like it's water. Amazing.

But the yak is like the biggest thing ever. Everybody, I heard you on the yak. I heard you on the yak. I heard you on the yak. You know, like, you know, more than any show I've done on Barstool. I love it. Yak, yak, yak. We need people, we need all these people to subscribe.

Subscribe to the yak. Come on. Everyone. It's not that hard. Call up 300 of your friends right now and subscribe. Even if they never listen to the show for the rest of their life, we don't care. We need subscribing. We should do a sub-a-thon. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're almost at 125. I think we're at 125 now.

You got to 130. 125,000? Yeah, we should do a sub-a-thon. Gotta be at a quarter million. Yeah. Quarter million's the number. Sub-a-thon, quarter million. Shout out quarter million. What do we do for a sub-a-thon? Got to be at a quarter million. Quarter million is the number. Sub-a-thon, quarter million. Shout out quarter million. What do we do for a sub-a-thon? How do those work to you? Come to my house.

Everybody dives in my pool, and we just like, just for two hours, we have music blasting. We have food being thrown in our mouths like we're guppy fishes, and we say like and subscribe for two hours straight. We already did that. Two hours straight. Does that sound like it would work, TJ? Love it. A sub-a-thon is we set a certain amount of time we're going to stream,

whether it's two hours or five, and then every subscriber we get extends that time by a certain amount of time. Oh. So if you get a subscriber, maybe it extends it by five seconds. That's the better way, yeah. Oh.

So if we get 1,000 subscribers, it's an extra 5,000 seconds or however you want to structure it. So you could, in theory, stream forever if we kept getting subscribers. I like that. So we should do a sub-a-thon when we get the new office set up. We should just do like a Friday. We should do one for 12 hours.

Yeah. We have to. Yeah, but that would be the 12-hour stream. Yeah. But that, yeah, I guess it would. Sub-a-thon. I like it would. Subathon. I like it. If I do an eight ball, I can say like and subscribe for 12 hours, and I'm willing to do it.

Naked, in a thong. That's not naked. That's not naked at all. That's not naked at all. I'm not showing you my dick. That's not naked. Don't say you're naked. I'm wearing a thong.

You can almost look at me. Just don't say you're naked. Five and a quarter inches soft. It's five and seven eighths hard. It's how it is. I'd like to say it's 10. I wish it was 10. My strap-on I wear is 10. That's a really good song. It's five and seven eighths hard. It's how it is. I'd like to say it's 10. I wish it was 10. My strap-on I wear is 10.

That's a really good story. There's barely any difference. Yeah. You have a strap-on? I'm a show and not a grower. What? A strap-on? Fuck yes.

Oh, my God. A big one. I don't want to. Vibrate it. I'm done asking. I'm done asking about that. I am. These Benoit balls that go on my ass and you pull them out.

I do it all. Not lately out. I do it all. Not lately, but I do it all. Is your wife here again today? Yeah, she's here. Shout out, Sandy. Shout out, 45 years married. You're right there. Fucking saint.

We've made Sandy the mother of a bar store. I am. She can hear everything. She's the cutest. She's mortified. You ever bring your sons out for a trip to Chicago? Not for these. I'm going to be with Sandy every week for 20 weeks.

How is she liking retirement? She's loving retirement. She likes it. It's an adjustment. This is good. I feel like these trips are like- This is amazing. This is like a gift from God.

I love this. There's nothing better than a quick trip once a week where you're like... Especially if you're retired and then you get home and you're like, oh, I'm back home. Yes. No two ways about it. That's awesome. I love it. Love it.

And I'm very blessed and great. And you spend time with her. It's like a mini vacation. New experiences. Yeah. New people. Hug it out. Hug it out.

Yeah. Have you gotten recognized on the streets yet? Yeah, all over the place. Love it. Big time. But I'm used to that, by the way. Yeah know. Hug it out. Yeah. Have you gotten recognized on the streets yet? Yeah. All over the place. Love it. Big time. But I'm used to that, by the way. Yeah. You're Stu Nation.

After the first live stream we did with the Islanders at Borelli's three years ago, I'm bigger than Billy Joel. Whoa. Bigger than Frank Sinatra. Whoa. I mean, you know. He's dead. If you don't have a vagina, I'm bigger than anyone on Long Island.

Wow. And now in Chicago, people are like, Stu, I love you. Stu, I love you. Stu, you're a legend. You know, shout out. You know, all sorts of stuff. Love it. And no one loves that more than me.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, if you put, like, no one loves that more than me. Like, I've been trying to do it my whole life, and now all of a sudden it happened by accident. I love it. That's crazy. Shout out. I love it.

I love it. Yeah. All right. Well, we got to go do advisors in a minute. Should we spin the wheel? Spin the wheel. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. All right. Well, we got to go do advisors in a minute. Should we spin the wheel? Spin the wheel. Yeah, I guess so. Watch Boy Dad Live.

Yeah, watch Boy Dad Live. Tomorrow I'm going to be out. So you guys got to. 3 p.m. Eastern. You guys got it? Got it. Got it.

You guys always got it. Okay. Uh-oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Come on. It's dry.

All right. How many guns do you have still? Actual guns? Yeah. Well, what was the other? Every gun, yeah. Do I really have 30? I thought there was a federal firearm as long as 20 years.

He sold guns to ex-military, ex-police, ex-detective. And how many non-actual guns? How many non-actual guns? I'd rather not say. 30. Not just every other item. 30 guns.

There's my stapler. It's not a gun alright well we'll see everyone tomorrow great yak thank you Stu and Anna love you guys so much love Kate so much everyone please like and subscribe like and subscribe

we'll see everyone tomorrow it's your straws yeah style of tape for a while it's the act it's the act it's the act yeah it's time to talk shop we're doing Yankee Swap

it's the act it's the act See you tomorrow. Sorry.