The Yak - The Boys Are Getting Into Sperm Racing | The Yak 4-30-25

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello, it's the Yak. Welcome in. Roback.com, promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase. Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, Roback.com, promo code Yak 20% off your first purchase qzips polos hoodies joggers shorts row back calm promo code yak Hello everyone hello I would like you guys to

Judge something that I say okay based on The scale is just normal or what the fuck dude? Got it. Alright. Okay. You ready? I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. Normal? Gay! Remarkably normal? Okay. Normal. Tomorrow's the 30th day. Yeah I'm going to the doctor. You're an old man now. That's what old men do. Yeah. What is somebody's alternative or problem with that? on hold on okay? I'm gonna give you a few Okay And he'll get my car checked tomorrow at the dealership Yeah, oh are we sorry are these intertwined? No no these are all separate judge them separately

He's leading up to your as normal as a carriage. Yeah, I thought there was only gonna be one yeah There's more of it. You're setting up the hammer. Yeah, okay are these isolated things to judge by yeah? So like if you did both that would still be normal normal, but you're gonna have a busy day Yeah, we're two for two normal. Yeah, there's a be multiple Gotta get I got a my six month teeth cleaning on Friday. Yeah Your boys getting a colonoscopy Friday you Know chase in it has to be a chair. Oh like saying that those were your boys Like bragging about it almost and he did this too he went

Yeah, so I'm still so uncomfortable this happened 30 minutes ago in the gambling play Che exact quote was your boys getting the colonoscopy Friday What would be like your boys getting a new car today or yeah? What would what would be your boy situation like you're getting a camera stuck up your asshole and you're bragging to me like it's Well, all right in fairness. I was like hey heads up. I'm gonna be out Friday. I got like a thing going on You're like, oh, what's up? Yeah, so there's no in fairness. That's exactly how it happened. He said that What's up, but he said your boys get the colonoscopy Friday it got better because how he told me this morning

Was I have a special treat for this Meeting and I was like, oh cool. What is it? You're the meeting about his colonoscopy. That's what we met about. Yeah. No, other stuff. But yeah, I brought it up. I want to geoguess it, where we are in your body. Yeah, can we get the footage? I don't know how any of it works. I just found out that Marley was pooping all day.

Clearly you don't know how it works, because you wouldn't brag about it the way you have. You skipped that sentence real quick. Say that sentence again. You'll be pooping all day? real quick. Say that sentence again. So shortly after that Chuck in the cave told me that he got one last year and you just spend the entire day shitting the day before. I did not know that. Wow. Oh yeah they clear you out. You're gonna take pictures of it? So it's a two-step appointment where you... I am supposed to get some better prescription tonight also why why I? Just I Don't know I don't I really don't know I didn't read the form that they printed out. I just kind of know no no no

What why why are you getting colonoscopy? Oh, I have a family history of it, so Nothing crazy. I mean you're supposed to get it starting at 40 and I'm 39 so so you're in very chafe fashion He's doing it a year Get hooked on these to that's our vaccine boy right there. Yeah, it's been like I know I'm supposed to do it Gotta do it a year. What what was what is your understanding of it that that? Cries this excitement from you like what the there's no excitement. I'm not looking forward to it I did not realize that there was like I thought it was just wasn't supposed to eat The day before I've heard you say it. I want to hear Stephen chase it

Say it how you said it say it exactly how you said it to me with the facial Oh, I'm not gonna be here on Friday got something something personal going on What's up? Boys got a colonoscopy Friday. No, that's not no Steven Steven I feel like that was accurate no no Chuck will chuck in the test you you also do the eyebrow raise to me Colonoscopy Friday, no you were like Yeah, that's the same way you'd be like your boys got a date Right you said it with Bregadocious festivity yeah got fucking floor seats to the NBA playoffs

You're making something light. That's awkward Okay, I'm getting my Medical procedure he loves medical he likes it, okay. He loves being operated on. It's more what Kate said because yeah, I mean it's not something I'm looking forward to. I will document some of the lead up and stuff like that. I did not. Have you ever been put under before?

Yes. I'm kind of bragging about that. That was happening. No. Yeah, I have. What happened there? Nothing crazy, I got a sports hernia surgery in 2014 or something like that. You are addicted to doctors.

No one loves doctors more than you. I do not like going to the doctor. I like going to the dentist. Oh, man. I guess they're kind of a doctor, so whatever. Oh, they're doctors. They're 100% doctors. We've had this exact discussion.

We did. Yeah. I was in the right. Yeah, you were. You don't think they're doctors? No, I said we did yeah, I was in the right yeah, you were you don't think they're doctors No, I said that yeah, they're certainly doctors, and we said no and then a lot of dentists came out Yeah, like fuck you guys I Think they're already pretty sensitive. Yeah, cuz it didn't get into medical school well Teeth are very important. Right. Yeah, like teeth up there with heart and brain. Well, you can't live without teeth.

Why is he you absolutely you probably can. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And also I feel like dentists like they're just everyone's got fake teeth. Oh, veneer. Yeah, they're just getting fucking taken out of the business. Well, how long well that is their business. How long do

veneers last? I don't know. Yeah. Are they making the veneers? Or Dennis puts it in? Right? I don't know. Like, isn't that like for life? Yeah, like almost like a LASIK. Yeah, but it's expensive. Yeah. You get enough people hooked on veneers or you're getting a new house. True. True. But then the next generation of dentists are fucked. What is, is veneers like a thousand a tooth or something? Is it a by tooth basis? I don't know. I wonder how much Roman Reigns' are. His are great.

Yeah, his are good. I think it's also one where people go to Mexico and Turkey and stuff for him. Yeah, but sometimes they look... Roman Reigns is good. I want to know like what the horse ones look like. Why veneers? Why do people get them? Why not braces why not? It's a lot of water. I guess they're 100% perfect. I guess yeah, and they're like fully white They almost always look like shit. They do they look bad Yeah, I don't want to I mean you he's all right right right yeah, wills veneers no no no

Oh, I was gonna say Matt Stafford. Oh, yeah, those yeah, those are weird. Those are weird I don't know that I've gonna say Matt Stafford. Oh, yeah, those yeah, those are weird. Those are weird I don't know that I've ever noticed Matt Stafford. Oh Yeah, it's like hi Matt teeth teeth teeth. Yeah, who's like a lot of Roman Reign. It's uncanny He looks like he's wearing a mouth guard. Yeah, he was fine before Fine before but now he's now Can you get them like a little could I could if I got veneers can I get them like coffee colored? Yeah Yeah Jerry's got a visit line he's walking around with he barely can talk he's lisping around the office

Yeah, Lisbon everywhere every night bad veneers could be the new way like mediocre venue right Right, I think Houston has grills is it Detroit dudes that are getting veneers as they're getting very white veneers as they're like really culture Does a Rick Ross have them the Iceman Paul Walls little yachties are up and yeah Paul Walls little yachties are up and yeah Paul Wall just did a He just did a rendition of wheels on the bus that fucking rocks. Oh really?

Fucking rock it really died like I was like oh my god dude wheels on the bus like big win for dads Yeah, cuz the mom the mom should shushing and the dad just says I love you I actually switch the words cuz that's it I don't know the lyrics of wheels on my mama on the bus goes shh shh shh, and then it's the daddy on the bus goes I love you Who else is on the bus the baby's crying Damn I didn't know the Lord the babies crying the wheels of wheels wipers wipers the horn Damn, I didn't know the power. I didn't know the lore of wheels on the boat. Look at that's too many lyrics for we

They've obviously they have one that just goes on forever wipers signals motor wipers, signals, horn, motor, people. Are we allowed to play the Paul Walls on the bus? Mommies go shush, shush, shush, and the daddies on the bus go, I love you. Wow, way better. Just fucking, we made it. It's real good.

Look at us. The patriarch is alive and well. Yeah, strong. Fuckin' mom. Constant woman. Yeah, nag, nag, nag. That's what I'm all for, everything's making noise. Yeah nag nag nag for everything Try and shush the mommy's on the bus break the glass ceiling girls what see that?

That's exactly the glass ceiling actually is just being able to correctly rhyme And you keep running into it like a fucking owl in Central Park We're close as fuck Maybe from werewolf yesterday somebody I came in the one day and Brandon does fuck with my seat. I've seen you doing it No, I came in the one day Danny Danny fucks with everybody's I stand I think I saw Danny in here earlier than everyone else You guys need to get to know each other. Have you got have you been moving them closer? Oh? It's all in your head Kate like always you guys are sitting very close. That's fine Yeah, you're sitting pretty close

Actually now that I see it When you guys are linked arms Should we decide Tate's fate Yeah, yeah, I uh yeah, he asked us to jump okay. I I'm ignorant to this as we're I was walking in Right before we got on the show. I bumped into Tate and I said, how'd last night go? And he just goes, and that was pretty much all he said.

Yeah. He goes, I think you guys are gonna talk about it. Yeah. He cheated. He cheated. He cheated? All right, so let's get him in here. So, all right, so hold on.

Before you play this, the challenge was they had to hit four consecutive shots. Layup, free throw, three point half court. And it was, you have to do two putts and two chips. Okay, and you can do it in any order, so you could do the free throw, then the three point, then come back to the layup. So the order doesn't matter, but it's four consecutive shots.

Here's what, here was the winning sequence. Yes. Whoa! Well that's, holding. That's holding. Wait, wait, can you start it again, please? Yeah. Great shot.

So he made a shot. Please hold. Tate shot misses. Holding. Holding. Oh. Okay. I love that ball.

Holding. Let's go, Tate! Still holding. So then Tate made a shot. Still holding. That boy's taking it! I mean, we're getting there every fucking five minutes. All right. Made it.

That was it. That was it. Wait, That was three. That was four in a row. Yeah. Was it definitely four straight. Isn't there something on there that says free something like go. There was that was four straight. That was four straight. That was four straight. Play it again. I know. I know. I don't know go I'm gonna explain this to me like Them both shooting I Want to see it again? I know it started a little late, so we've done correctly. What would that have looked like all right? Wait slow this really slow mo. Okay. What's that's in the hole. That's one Okay that's in the hole? That's one okay? that's

Zero no that's didn't go in the hole. Oh, I see so that one would have had to have gone in For its count yeah So they didn't do it consecutively if you do a little switcheroo with like a five second time window Then I think it's four in a row okay Well, we're gonna be the judge because he said he would go back out there and do it How do you switch time if you do if you just switch time a little bit? Okay. Oh, where is he? Where's Tate? He's saying that the one that went in first Tell count it before the one that missed right after correct based on what? count it before the one that missed right after. Correct.

Based on what? Yeah, like if he were to have shot it while the other one was still going in maybe, but he shot it after. Here we go. Okay, so Tate has graciously said that we will be the judge and jury, and I think we should just do a majority rule.

So we'll vote. I don't know what your case is. I need to hear your case. T.J., can you put up the screen shot just for you? It's pretty tough. Yeah, I don't even know how we're getting in here. All right, so all night, after like the first like two hours, we I thought it was shockingly thought it was going to be easy. It was not easy. We just started doing rapid fire first shots. So he was because it started with like I would

hit a shot, then he would hit a shot, then I would hit. So he was because it started with like I would hit a shot then he would hit a shot then I would hit. So finally we just both went to separate spots and just kept hitting and then once one went in that started the trend. So it became easier when you cheated there at the end. No no no TJ will you put up the the picture I sent you. This is going to absolve me of everything. Why? These are both our first shots. But his your shots. My shot has left the putter.

Your shots after his. No, his. These are both our first shots. The second shot can't start until a ball hits in the cup. I have one simple question and you have to answer it honestly, and it will tell me everything and I'm going to be impartial Like I I want to judge fairly on this. There's only one question. There's only one question Yeah, I know and if your shot there had gone in would hit you have counted it because your argument is

Those are both your first shots If your putt had gone in there, would you have it is that too for you guys look him in the eyes? We would have been on three okay exactly so then so then you didn't do it You didn't do it and the challenge was to hit them in a row right? Yeah Back and forth like you him so him after that so we were counting those as our first shots And then because his went in I went in to two and Then I made three and then he chipped in right but your if yours had gone in it would have counted as your Is the second shot? That's it. You know it in your heart of hearts as a one. That's the question

Did you catch this alive like no we we had honestly been doing that for like four hours So all of us were like, alright, that's the end of the stream. And then I got in the Uber and I just had hundreds of just like, you fucking scumbag. You took five shots. I think it's still impressive what you guys did. And I do understand the chat is ruthless and really like a stickler for rules.

But the answer to your question of if that shot, if your initial shot had gone in, would it have counted as yes, then it. I knew that was the one, I've been thinking about that question for about three hours. That's it. And the best I have is, yeah, that would have counted.

So if that exact sequence had happened 30 minutes into the stream, would that have ended it? No. Okay. Yeah. So how do we rectify this? You would have, you gotta just ended it? No. Okay. Yeah. So how do we rectify this? You would have. You gotta just do it again, I guess.

I think you have to eat a sheep, dude. Yeah. No. You might have to go on a show, too. You gotta do one sheep. What if you're the chauffeur for Stephen Chase colonoscopy? That's not bad. What if you stick with him for the day and you.

The liaison. Have to drink with him. What's the stuff you have to drink before? Steven's eating Not even listening don't do not even close to listen he's don't He was wolfing Sorry, Oh, okay You had no intent to deceive He did

Question I thought a question that the big cat asked if for or Brandon, if this happened 30 minutes in, you said it wouldn't have ended. Now, if you really thought you did it, that answer's yes, because you would have been like, yeah, it would have been. I'll say this, I knew that it was bullshit. That we were, I knew that we were counting, like there was times where both of those would go in, and we would just be like, all right, one and two, done.

Right, right. So you were desperate to get out of this building. Which I understand. Yeah, I get it. Makes sense. I would have cheated long before that. Yeah, right. So you were desperate to get out of this building. Which I understand, yeah. Yeah, I get it. Makes sense. I would have cheated long before that. Yeah, to put the challenge in its purest form was making four shots in a row.

From the layup free throw line. Did you make four shots in a row? Okay. Wait, but we have made three in a row technically. Yes, I was about to say that. You can, oh. I didn't sense. You have to make that long putt.

We have to make one from the free the we have to make one from the free throw if the first shot from the free throw line goes in the stream is over because I've made the no no no he's got to make the chip yes make the chip because you have you have a long putt a short putt long chip yeah as soon as you miss a recent right here it is so beef has one chance to hit the short chip on the first try And then it would be done absolved Fuck no, who's our best golfer can someone someone else can someone can chip right now? And if they hit somebody can be a champ me absolved Hank here

That'd be nice. I think he's actually Hank is here. Oh, where's Hank? I saw him the bathroom right before the show. Okay. Do you want us to set it up? We see yeah set it on make or miss you made my two you I'll even let Hank do practice chips And oh when he said no, but when he says I'm now officially starting to get the four Yeah, one chance. Yeah one chance not four shots in a row But he's not in part of the, he has to declare when he's part of the competition. And then he gets one chip. Okay.

All right, I'll get it. He's going in cold. They were hot. Yeah. I'll get a team of people to set it up out there. Yeah. And then, yeah, yeah. We'll get one shot.

We said Hank, is there anybody else you'd like to address? I was, I will say yesterday, I asked the question, who's the best golfers in the office? And your name was popped up. Oh. Couldn't have. Oh well, Frank Hank told me Hank told me you'd be an extremely valuable asset to one of our golf stars I'm the long I'm a long hitter. Okay, this would be I can't do this Electric if he can makes the first brand new be on down a chip This would be it would be awesome for you to eat would have to redo the whole thing. Here's what here's what I think is fair

I think Hank can warm up. I don't think he can warm up for the exact distance He has to take that ship right first time like he can he can ship all around it He can ship farther he can ship shorter, and then when he's ready to go. It's got to be that exact Well, we got the we got the other hole over there. That is the PGA. That's the one yeah. Yeah, we just move it out You probably do it from there. Okay. Yeah, yeah All right, so go get it. We go find your eyes get it. We have to do it again probably you gotta do it Yeah, start right now Start whenever you want that mean Hank is now involved in the stream. I think he's got a tee time later, so oh yeah

We can do it next week. All right. Thanks on his way. Did you get any sleep? So oh yeah, we can do it next week all right. Thanks on his way. Did you get any sleep? No, no, did you I went to bed at like four in the morning and the Cubs are out of town a jackhammer Woke me up at like 745 Okay, man, what was his name? Oh, Tate! Danny! Get out there and put it in the hole. Where you want to put it? The jackhammer kept me up all fucking day. Whatever you think, you can put it out in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The jackhammer woke me up. There's no way Hank's going to make it on his first try.

Liam, be sure to get the shot. Or second or fifth. I'll tell you what, Tate is like, he's honest with these streams. Because you knew the minute I asked that question, you knew I was going to get it. fifth I'll tell you what Tate Tate is like He's honest with these streams cuz you knew the minute I asked that question he answered he's like I knew you're gonna ask that question Yeah Yeah, it's cut and dry he laid down to both of those questions because he knows Down like there's an argument for him. No, he doesn't make you have one

No, he knew the minute that that that's what was it was a four in a row Did he make but was it four in a row if you count? tape beef tape beef No That's no his he's saying that he shot so he misses. Here's here's here's how it all went look So he's saying because his shot went after okay, so that's one no It's coming up. Okay, so here comes a chip that goes in Yep, all right. That's in one and his so that's a mess

He's saying his shot was already taken before the ball went in What the problem is like I asked him if he had made that putt would it have counted? He said yes, so that it has to count So the miss has to count just like a make would have counted. If this was scored by NBA stats, it wouldn't be three in a row because it's the miss. Well, then why would they be? Thank you. That's the only argument I needed.

Yeah. Actually, Jay, could you tweet that at NBA stats right now and ask him if it counts as three in a row? No, that's a relationship. I do not. You're not going to. Oh, come on, Jay. You got to do it.

No. No. Is this not a relationship. I do not come on. You got to do it No, no, is this is this not a really? He'd rather take a shot at the bucks than NBA stats. I'm or us. We're not What relationship do you care about more my relationship with you or your relationship with NBA staff? It's like obviously you but like come on like that. Don't make this this could affect gambling wins and losses Yeah, I need this tweet them or us So you're so who does the who does the graphics on after dark like the lives because Lucas If you replay it the green light on the free throw stays on so like Lucas was

Like the they they highlight the ones that have been made He didn't reset the yeah, you know what I'm saying Lucas. It's fucked up or we don't What What he's white boys. Yeah, I got I got beef with you don't you with me for. Hey, can you make a chip? We'll talk in a minute. Can I make a chip? Just don't sell it. But you have to make it on the first shot. From half court. You're allowed to warm up from every distance except the distance that the chip is from. Okay, Lucas, do you have a problem with our ruling? No.

Oh, you don't? No.'t oh do you think it's fair? Yeah, he wasn't prepared Lucas why did But what he's honest he's not an idiot. He's on Lucas. Do you do the graphics for the show live? Yes, who was the one pushing the thing that made the this? Who's the one that makes the thing turn green? That was me. And you didn't reset it? Yeah, but also like.

Stop fucking with him. Stop. When it's, when you're like six and a half hours in, you're kind of watching it, but like not really like fully Comprehending it so fucking So like help you like yes, I left it up, but I would six and a half hours in yeah almost a workday Wow Yeah, it's not like I'm here before that I just show up at all Why do you know why do you Lucas you know they have that at night Lucas?

You know what this is because I got to set up and prepare for it. I mean that's incredibly Lucas Do you know what this is? It's a tiny violin. Yeah, I'm not complaining Green yes, I have a serious question if the because this seems to keep This seems to keep being a problem with your show that you get into the wee hours of the night Everybody just wants to go home. I Why not start the show? Like at 4 p.m.. No no no hear me out hear me out hear him out I didn't I didn't know they missed the chip until after I didn't even I didn't even

Until after am I taking one so are you blaming them? Celebrating and should I trick you and do it? It's 1230. I'm not yeah. Yeah, do the call do the call word, but here's I didn't realize a big miss Here's what you get Hank You can warm up as many times you want you cannot warm up from the exact spot And then you have to declare this is the shot you have to opt in yeah All right, so you're allowed to warm up from other distances Just not the exact spot and then you, I'm officially taking my shot.

And that'll be for four in a row. And were people saying mean things to you guys after the stream? Maybe, I don't know. Did it hurt your feelings? No. Hank's gonna have to take a quick call, and then he'll do it.

You might as well start warming up for putting, because you're gonna have to start doing this stream again Lucas not your fault where's not your fault Lucas Lucas's hands are clean. Can we just have we have Lucas on the intercom in the middle of the day? This is like you would for the stream. This is a huge fucking shot. I Think it's doable. I don't It's doable but not the first shot not first shot. Oh, yeah, Adam. Yeah What triple look back by Lucas Wow Who is the best golf in the office after Hank I don't know the Hank is

Chaps golfs a lot. I don't know if he's good. He's pretty good Stefan what is that was thank you Guy he's always in the sim you definitely get out here. It's gotta be Stefan. Oh my god the sigh It's about to be the biggest sigh.'ve ever heard. He's gonna be so mad. He'll sigh after he makes it. Huh. OK, are we done now? Yeah.

Are we done? Stefan. You're a rough guy. I'm going to actual work to do this. Please let Stefan do it. Yes. Yes, go get him. Go get him. Stefan has to take it.

Thanks, good. All right, so my tail hanky's out. Oh, this is going to be great. Because Stefan, if he misses, he's got. All right. So my tail hankies out. Oh, this is gonna be great because Stefan, if he misses, he's got to stay and do the whole stream with tape again. Oh, Stephen. Oh, man. Game time. NHL playoffs are here and the only place to buy hard to get playoff tickets is game time. The official ticketing partner Barstool Sports with killer last minute deals all in prices views views from your seat, and their lowest price guarantee.

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Create an account. Use code YAK for $20 off first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account. Redeem code YAK for $20 off. Download the game time app. What time is it? Game time. Update. Stefan looked happy to do it. Oh. Tate looked pissed off. Oh. Whoa. I don't think Stefan realizes he has to complete the whole stream of Genesis.

He's ready. He's in his club. He's attacking this thing. Tate looked like he was very upset about it. Tate brought this on himself, though. So he made the challenge. He deemed it possible. Yeah. Host posting after dark pretty much ruined your life. I don't I mean I the show is after dark Yeah, but it could start before why don't they just start it?

Right when it gets dark right when it goes. Yeah, just started earlier this seems to be a consistent problem that they run into is This challenge that everyone said was impossible is very difficult. Usually ends about 2 to 3 a.m. They are, I am trying to get them to move it up. We're, we've- And then like nobody, I imagine that the numbers go down when you're- Yeah, no, we've had this discussion. Yeah.

But the anger goes up. Yeah. The 3 a.m. crowd's rough. Yeah. Stefan, do you know that you can't wait? Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Brandon.

Yeah, hi. But it's hard because I- Reaction, what? The Tate reaction? Yeah reaction yeah tates worried Stefan will be missing this on purpose Stefan's not gonna want to stay got into a fight last night Stefan know he has to compete maybe I don't know right after he missed it's very worried You and what men are dressing alike, and I don't know when it happened I don't know why it happened, but you're dressing alike. How are we dressing alike?

You're wearing a Pokemon, he's wearing Gengar on the same exact day. You're dressing alike. The odds of us both wearing Pokemon merch on a day probably over... No, you guys are dressing like almost every day now. Probably around the same time. Same color pants.

And I just started noticing it. Same color pants. This is my second... Your practice shots. This is my second day this week wearing Pokemon. Oh my God. Terrible shot. Oh god. Oh no. Oh no.

You and Blutman are in cahoots. Oh god. I also told him that he now has to stay if he does it he's not happy. There's no way he's making this shot. Okay, you can pick anyone. He's swarmed by blood men

Blanked by blood You can also call someone from outside the office if you have someone who's really good All right, he's probably at home resting from doing it last night but yeah you should have achieved slumber we have anyone who could roll up that would be electric oh a random roll up game but they'd be here for like 12 hours like Jerry's guy the free throw stream. Yeah, was he not good at free? Yeah, all right. Shout out the ringer. Oh Man he's not he's gonna get it. He's gonna get it He was long now he's short as long as the ball goes in there even a little bit it counts as a chip Mm-hmm. I don't think you wanna I mean it could even if he's called it and just should we let them spin for one mulligan? Oh

That one look I just these this is a fan base. I don't want to fuck with yeah, true Should we let them spin for one mulligan? Oh, that one might look good. This is a fan base I don't want to fuck with. Yeah, true. Oh! It's getting better. Just take a little off. This is so much pressure. Now, he is the... I don't know that he plays golf. I know he plays sim golf.

He plays simulator a lot. Yeah, I need the turf mat. Can I do that? Yeah, you can get the turf mat. What is that? It's too hard. The turf mat? No, but what's he hitting on now? That's pretty much a turf mat.

No, it's pretty hard. You can't really get a nice follow through. That would count. Oh! But it wouldn't, but he didn't call it. No, he hasn't taken a shot yet. Right. But say he made't but he didn't call it. No, he's not. I guess I'll take a shot yet, right But say he made one and he didn't call it. It would not count. No. No, he's just warming up He's not shooting from the right distance either. Oh

He's not allowed to shoot from the exact distance. He can warm up from everywhere else This is gonna be so much pressure on yeah, what's his what all does he need? Well distance it's not gonna have to I have it's like though. It's the white line in front of him see the tape Yeah, that's where he's got it. There was left Okay, oh, I guess they're the same yeah There's no chance. He's what's he can't even get it on the math there it goes chance. He's got a bigger hole. Yeah. Magnet balls. Oh, that was fine. Yeah. Well, it's not fine. Oh, my God. This is better. This is better. All is better. Alright. He was

right about the mat. I can't wait till he misses a message. If he goes and plays real golf, does he have to take the mat with him? Oh. Alright. There's a little bit of a wrinkle mid mid course. Don't get too comfortable with this distance there. That's what I'm saying. I know. I'm rolling it on but you can't do the regular distance Hey, would you rather hank or hanks? Hank it might be you

Oh, I see Oh, I see. Oh. The other thing we got to talk about is Nick is trying to kill us. No. Brandon and Titus. Yeah. Nick's trying to kill us. What?

What happened? He refuses to take the PJ with us to the Beck Gala. And everything I know about how this works is he's going to be the lone survivor. So you want me to die is what you're saying. come we will not die you got offered it on the way out And the way back well, I didn't get the way out. Yes, you did shut up the way back God, you're right. You were always on the way tight. You got both. What do you say? I'm gonna take it away from Crazy I will burn it you know always had

Okay, Yeah, no He's trying to kill those things. I'm not doing that I got a nice flight out at 1 p.m. On Sunday, and I'll be back I'm flying back 6 a.m. Tuesday Or you could sounds awful or you could fly out 8 a.m. On Monday and be back at 1 a.m. On Tuesday No, I'm going to be Xanny barred out on 38 we're going to die we're gonna die yeah and it's your fault I just want the yak on Tuesday when we're not here I won't be here either I'll be in the air so you're missing a

date like what this is crazy Nick you have to come with there's so much better no dude they first of all the pilots's buddy. I'm not having Chuck's buddy driving me. It's not Chuck. The pilot's Chuck's boy? Might be. Oh, no. No. He's flown us before.

He flew Ben Johnson from Detroit to Chicago. That's such a short flight. Chuck, Chuck, your boy, he's all right. He's a great pilot. Great pilot. Have you ever partied with this boy? Have you ever seen him piss his pants? Have you ever seen him do blow? How can you confirm your commercial pilots haven't done that? What's this?

Zero crashes still alive. How old is how many makes he's our how old are you? I'm not no Who can Griffin from the Grizzled old vet what's a perfect age for a perfect perfect You want 30 30s he flew a No, you want 30 30s he flew a 41.7 billionaire Ken Griffin from the Citadel from the Citadel wait not they said that was Citadel Inc. Yeah, no He's oh, no, I thought the college that was not even to send men me too easy work

You're good. You're putting You're you're writing our debt. You're writing our death sent. We'll play games Yeah, he's fine dude. He's full. All right. Let me interview him play games. I'll have him call in if you want. Yeah. He's fine, dude. He's full on his phone. All right, let me interview him. You'll play chess?

Have him call in. Can we talk to him? I don't want to. You're just not, you're not allowed to say I told you so if we die. Right. Because I know you will. You can't. You will.

You can't show up the next day. But now I feel like we're talking. You can't smile. And this will be the universe smirking when now it goes smirk you can't smile you can't I won't I'll be somber as fuck I don't think you will I think you'll go home and be like I knew those guys. That's why I told them not to go Cranky and tired because I had to get up at 4 a.m. To get to the Phoenix Airport, it's our death What do you got, Tate? Yeah. I propose it.

Okay. All right. I just got off the phone with Beef. Beef and Jerry are filming golf content right now. Beef is in the office tomorrow. So I propose that we table this shot. Beef comes in, takes one shot, start of Yak tomorrow. If he makes it, it's over. If not, we start right from then. I need the shot today. I need the shot today.

Okay, okay. You guys can start tomorrow during the Yak. You can restart it. I need the shot today. All right. So one shot today. And then if you don't make it- I don't have to do it for the next 12 days. No, no, no. Then tomorrow when we start start the yak you can start and we'll just pan in yeah Whenever you whenever you get to two or three well what do the rules allow you to take all four shots? No, it's gotta be two and two two chips two putts, okay? So we'll start yeah, I just I won't be if we end up doing another like long long stream I want beef to be yeah, yeah, you don't have to get if you miss it right now

You don't have to restart the whole thing you can restart it tomorrow Okay today, we got to get a resolution if someone can be a hero and just end the whole thing, okay? I would like that to be Hank. Okay. All right get Hank warmed up. I Think this is a fair compromise. Let's see how Hank's reading it here I think this is a fair compromise. Let's see how Hank's reading it here. Oh, that sounded thick. It sounded real thick. But where is the actual distance?

It's the white line right in front of him. Oh. To the balls. Yeah, where that stray ball is. What if we spun the wheel and give them both a shot? Oh! Hank, Austin, you're ready. What?

You're ready. You might be ready. I get unlimited practice shots, right? as long as you don't shoot the right distance, okay? Okay, ooh, hey What a shot Hank here's the thing about Hank, is he's actually a really good golfer, except when he golfs on camera. I feel that. So, he's all look really good.

When he goes up to take the shot, he might hit it 100 yards. Oh, wow, they're fighting. They're fighting. They're fighting. I love it. They're fighting they're fighting they're fighting I love it they're fighting It Lucas's oh It's also very funny because it just shows you the difference like how bad of a guy's ready says Lucas is mad at Tate that he didn't not trying to lie to yeah He's mad at him for a lot true. I hold on you're going you're going now all right. No well you I in my head

I was like make it Feel good about it keep that going Lucas said you don't want to end on a make which I it's your shot ain't not Lucas's yeah don't listen to Lucas Lucas I think Lucas is right I think I agree with you don't make I agree with Lucas he's not gonna be don't use the mat cuz the match just when you if your first shot is off the mat no he's gonna use the mat on he can use the mat for the shot you would have missed was using the mat last night. Now if you make this... If you see the video, the mat was on the back one.

But that's because that was on the court. He didn't put the mat on this mat. He did for a little bit I think. We're prolonging the inevitable. Alright, taking two more practice swings. Whoa! Unless, I guess, the second one makes. Well now we're prolonging the inevitable. All right, I'm taking two more practice swings. Oh. Whoa. He's going. Unless, I guess, the second one makes. Well, now we're all. That's one shot, right?

What if he does make it, though? One opportunity. I don't know. I guess I'm going to try. I'm going to try to leave this short. Oh, no, he made it. Nope. Oh, that's perfect.

Turn to the end. I think he's definitely going to make this. Yes, it's pretty much, Tate, start celebrating. Easy peasy. Wait, hold on Hank. Let's ice him. What can you ask him about that would bother him? Or what can we do to really throw him out?

Belichick? No, we're pro Jordan. Oh, is that right? It's a combo of wanting Belichick on PMT someday and also just being addicted to saying the name Jordan. Jordan, yeah. So we're just, we're respecting love and Jordan. All right, Hank. Are you ready?

You have to officially say you're opting in. I'm officially what opting into the challenge officially opting into the challenge one shot the plotman angles one mate. Oh my God. What was the like trees on the golf course? Way too hard. No! All right.

All right. Tomorrow. Okay. He said no. Should we all maybe try? See how it goes? Should we all take a what would have happened shot? Yeah.

Yeah, go take a what would have happened shot. Each of us gets our... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just one shot. Yeah, just one shot. All of us give our... This is what would have happened if you had picked this a shot all of us give our yeah if you had picked up no no no no no oh you little dumb bitch. You poor guy.

Tate. Simple man. Oh, you dumb, dumb slut. I think Titus might make this. I'd imagine. It'd be great if he did. What if we all did? Ha ha ha ha.

All right. All right. Good thing you didn't pick me. Smart move, and not a big mistake. Yep, savvy. Savvy, savvy move. Wiley vet. See you Danny. Danny's scared to take the shot.

I'm not going on that plane. It's so much better. You park your car, you get out, you're on the plane. Don't have a car it is park your car you get out you're on the plane Don't have a car you get out of the uber you're on Yeah, good thing you didn't pick the cat Yeah, right knock it in Hope he gets it. If you put like a pro up there,

what would the percentage be? Like 50? I mean, Beef's a scratch golfer. He was making it a decent amount. Oh, that was cute. That was really cute. Really cute. That was such a cute little shot almost halfway

Yeah, got the hang of it, but I feel good about my outfit today. Oh nice. Yeah We don't need to see this Be so funny if Kate just started hitting like 10 in a row. Yeah, what's going on with me today if she makes this? I'll take the plane Okay All right, that was very very nice. What about this one fine? Yeah, okay? There we go We almost didn't die on the plane

Wow, yeah that was for your life You're so selfish My shit's gonna go down too Okay it's harder than it looks I'll tell you what if yours goes down I'm gonna definitely say I told you so That's fair I guess People won't remember if I miss it

Good point Nothing to lose Hell yeah People won't remember if I miss it. Good point. Nothing to lose. Hell yeah. There he goes. He's walking with confidence. Imagine if he lifted regularly. Yeah. He should start doing that.

If he leaves the short, that is just... Oh, we'll remember that. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Che go take a shot. Is Brandon done now? Yeah, I'm for the show. There he goes. How's he been on mostly? Like, in what way? Like, is he committed? Does he get up and leave?

Oh, you mean like that? Like, I don't feel like his ADD has been turned up a little bit. Yeah. What's he whispering about? He's easily distracted. He's up to something. He's dressed cool. Yeah.

What was just said? He said something funny. What was said? If only we had a comedy show we were trying to do where you could say that aloud. Yeah, what was just said? What was just said? Share it with the class.

I just told him I think he's a hard worker and a terrific person. That's all I said to him. I do think Tate is like, I think he's done a great job with Barstool After Dark and he's very honest with these streams. He gives it his all. This one just went against him.

And he kinda sucks sucks but whatever oh well no you left it significantly yeah same thing I did but the cutest little pit pitch I can't I'm not good around greens clearly yeah but at least he's starting in the middle of a yeah like they're starting the middle of the day tomorrow is that oh that was cute Yeah, and we'll just go picture in a picture tomorrow Yeah, and just have it going on and then we'll only pay attention when it gets close. I'll raise my hand Barstool after dark is going barstool afternoon. Yeah, okay

No, it is after dark. We've talked about this the way. It's currently constructed as barstool after noon? Yeah. OK. No, it is after dark. We've talked about this. The way it's currently constructed is Barstool during dark. Yeah. The name Barstool after dark. Oh, fuck. Yeah, we'll put you in picture in a picture.

That should be morning. And then we'll just keep you going. Dark is over. Every challenge should start when the sun rises. Now it's Barstool after dark. Right. After dark is morning. 6 AM.

It's day, yeah. That's right. Right when you got to get on your morning 6 a.m. today yeah that's right right when you got to get on your flights on Tuesday no oh yeah yeah I'll be there much much before you won't be here on the act on Tuesday my flight lands at 11 no you won't be here there's no chance it's not gonna be on time and then the uber getting here is gonna be awful KB you want to go to the bet gala the bet gala yeah bet gala? Yeah, what are you talking about? State the purpose of this jet it is the bet gala the bet gala I agreed to this thinking it was at the Wrigley DK new So the bet gala in Scottsdale

I'm assuming there will be some gambling. Yep. Oh, yeah some suits. Yep Oh, yeah, it's the same night as the Met gal a red carpet. Mm-hmm, and Nick will be commentating Interviewing yeah, I'm interviewing on the red carpet. Will there be celebrity guests there will be Are we well, do you know one of the best fat asses in football. Oh. Flatman? Hmm? Best fat asses in football.

One of the best asses in football, I think. I consider Stu Feiner a celebrity. Yeah. Running back? No. Wide receiver. Retired. Oh, yes.

That is true. Confirmed, fattest ass. We will have a fatter ass at the back gala. At the back gala. Wait, Wayne Crabet? No. Who? He just immediately went to a chess player. Who is a wide receiver with a fat ass?

Yeah. Irish guy. Irish guy. An Irish man? Are we thinking of a different man? No, we're thinking of the same guy. I don't think, this man isn't Irish at all. Well, I mean his name is is it I guess it yeah Yeah, he has dreadlocks. Yeah, I know

Be Irish. So we're thinking about same guy. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's it's it's like an answer Larry Fitzgerald. Yeah Irish is crazy. It's Gerald's an Irish name. I Guess an Irish Slave owner. I don't know. I don't how does that work? I don't know. He's got an Irish name Yeah, it does like if you said lair if Lawrence Fitzgerald sounds like a British guy Yeah, there was no if Larry Fitzgerald the football player never existed and I said hey I got my friend Larry Fitzgerald coming through. Would you think because of the Fitz? Yeah. I see. I think Fitzpatrick is a Irish surname.

Holy shit. Yeah. Every Fitz's. Wow. What are the other other famous black Irish guys? Shaquille O'Neal. Oh yeah. Oh, Shaquille though. Shaquille. Troy O'Leary. Ah, that's a good one.

Baseball player. Is there any Murphys? Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy should be Irish. That's a guy with a very red nose. Yeah. And he's been sitting in the same bar seat. The boozy nose that's like a little bulbous that's got the veins on it. Yeah, that looks like it's about to bar seat the boozy knows that yeah a little pulp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

It looks like it's about to fall off. Mm-hmm. His brother's Charlie Murphy. Yeah, Charles. Yeah That's pretty good Yeah, Kyle go in my stead Are you afraid of private jets no, but Are you afraid of private jets? No, but... Sunday? No, Monday. We're doing So wait, you're doing the same day there and back?

That's the whole point is that we I don't have enough time to give up multiple dates. Like I have to work Sunday night I have to work Tuesday Monday I can go So we're going and coming back for efficiency. If it goes down, your tombstone has to say Big Cat, dates was wrong.

And if it doesn't, you have to fly a private plane. I have to get like my pilot's license. No, fuck my pilot's license. No, I'm- That's a fair trade. And then I'm rushing the cockpit. That's a fair trade. You have to get your pilot's license and dry, Then I'm rushing the cockpit

You have to get your pilot's license and dry and at some point in the future flies to Scottsdale Deal You haven't PFT is gonna be on board he if the boat he could take over I got I got to get the cut of this guy's jib The pilot I think he's solid guy. How many private jets crash per year? A few. Yeah. Multiple?

A couple. Yeah. Ish, fewish. Yeah. Randy Rhoades, Joe Penner. More than a couple, less than a lot. Olive Leonard, Skinnerd. Yeah, I guess my, how many cars?

Those were all in the last few years too, right? Yes. Yeah, pretty recent. The risk of dying is all those were all the last few years too, right? Yes The risk of dying is worth not having to stay another night or exactly I'll say it. Yeah, but you're there die or be efficient with your time You guys are missing out man, they like we die on the way back I'm if the plane's going down. I'm like, at least I don't have to wake up like Nick on Tuesday morning. Yeah, he's three in the morning, honestly. Already at the airport. That's bad.

Nick, you a Nathan Fielder guy? Yeah. You watch in the rehearsal? I'm not. I would not watch it if I were you. Yeah. Okay. It's all about plane crashes.

Wonderful. Here am I. What's that? Are you saying not to watch it because it's not good or because it's not good? No, it's very good. It's hilarious. It's incredible. I was very much like for sure yeah, it's about pilots and plane crashes, okay? Yeah, yeah, I imagine if you have a fear of flying Yeah, it would uh speaking of pilots. Yeah, it would fuck you up

Let's go Here's our guy a couple Hey, can you so Nick is scared to fly on a private plane? Can you explain to him that it's it's safe Yeah, so Nick, you know, we we do a lot of training as pilots we go every six months into the simulator for a week and They put us through every type of event that you could go through From I won't even go into them, but. How new is this plane?

This plane's pretty new, relatively to other private jets that are out there. Non-answer. No, that was, it is. That was an answer. Have you? No, it's a very, it's a pretty new airplane. What year?

Quit saying considering. What year is the plane? Oh, 2014. That's pretty new. Yeah, that's damn new. Dude, some of the, like, if you're on a 747, they could be like 25 years old. Have you flown me and Brandon before, right?

Yep, I've flown you and Brandon two times, I believe. And then the other two pilots I fly with, I think, flew you on the other trip. We're right here We're right here Nick. There we are right here You're you're You have a comforting face Yeah, how how long did it? How many hours did you fly before you got your private pilot's license? So private pilot license that's actually like the first license you get when you're learning to fly

So I started flying in high school It's a permanent and you work your way up to get your instrument rating your multi-engine rating commercial flight instructor Build up your time that way and then kind of like any other job, you know on the corporate side You'll start in smaller aircraft and kind of work your way up to the bigger aircraft. So did you ever, were you ever a commercial pilot? No, I've always been corporate. Okay, nice. And you've flown, have you flown any billionaires from the Citadel?

No answer. Have you, how many flights do you take a year? Have you, how many flights do you take a year? On average we fly between 350 to 425 hours a year for hours of flying. That's a lot of hours. That's a lot of hours. That's a lot of hours. Yeah. You can't deny that private planes are significantly more risky than commercial jets? I would say that on both sides, they have maintenance programs.

And on the private side, if you have a very good maintenance program, I'd say they're just as safe. And we do everything we can to keep everything running well on the plane and keep everyone safe. Yeah. Yeah, a car is probably riskier than both. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. probably riskier than both. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, but like a fender bender Yeah, I'm walking away from are you may probably how many fatal car crashes are there a day? How many laws how many more cars are there than planes? Fuck I'm excited for our flight. We'll see you on Monday. Hopefully we'll have Nick with us. I Yeah, I I know that you're a good pilot and I'll be there. our flight. We'll see you on Monday. Hopefully we'll have Nick with us. I Know that you're a good pilot and I'll be there. Yeah tight. I'll be there. Yeah, so What time are you guys leaving Monday 8 a.m. I'll be there blackout drunk, okay?

Blackout drunk, okay Yeah, you can't say that. I can't let John if you are. Oh, damn. All right, Nick will be there. We're going to get him on this flight. All right, sounds good. We'll see you guys Monday morning. All right, thanks. Excited. That was comforting. Yeah, he did.

He'll just make it. I thought he was one of Chuck's boys. No, they don't make random pilots. They just, these guys are no one to trust. But the way it was pitched to me was it's Chuck's boy flying I could see how that would be I wouldn't leave with that Yeah, I wouldn't that either cuz you don't know with Chuck they didn't even say he was a pilot We got Chuck's boy

I've seen the company Chuck keeps his baby son. It's Chuck's boy son All right, fuck it. I'll do it. Yeah good hair, too Oh, yeah, you guys are gonna be so much happier and guess what Nick if we die we all die together That'll be cool. Yeah, I guess what you won't care cuz you'll be dead. That's not With y'all I Wouldn't mind what I was somebody else Are you not a team player damn dude y'all. I wouldn't mind dying. I'd die with somebody else. Are you not a team player? Damn dude. Y'all wanna die together? I don't want to but I think If it happened.

We're not making the front page. You're UMPFT or the front page. You wanna die for the headlines? Yeah, it's Dan Katz and others. I'm just talking really quick So I get facetime on the social clip that goes dummy viral when you guys do die Okay, keep going You're not Kate Barstool It's good it's so much more efficient Nick you're gonna be efficient efficient. It's stunningly. It's so much more efficient, Nick. You're going to be able to. Efficient, efficient. It's stunningly efficient. We drive up.

I will pick you up. We'll go to the airport. We'll get on the plane. And then when we land, I will drive you home. Your ass goes from car seat to plane seat in six minutes. OK. 90 seconds. Yeah.

It's like when you finally get a box seat at a sporting event and it's hard to go back with the normies again. Once you go private, you never want to go back spider will be on it. He'll calm you right down spider Please Dave flies private for everything now Yeah, like I just only do it when its efficiency is at stake Alright, I'll do it nice. Nice knowing you How what we guys do on the yak on Tuesday, yeah, I kind of suck if if you guys go down cancel it Or were you no chance you doing in memoria rash? Well, I mean well, I guess Jersey numbers with Chad Tate and beef will still be doing their thing. Yeah, that'll still be

We'll have to get like will Pharaoh in a will feral in like a USA Speedo like a like the post 9-11 SNL episode It'll we'll need something over the top. I think we'll probably We'll touch on it for five minutes. Yeah, you'd have to do one more show Oh, would it bother you if we did cancel it? And yes, and I like stayed home and like snacked on like good food Like I had a bunch of like chocolate. Yes.

And enjoyed it. If you ate healthy snacks, so I'd be pissed off. I wouldn't want my boys like having good snacks on the day of my death. I want you to wait a week until you're sexually aroused again. I don't want you eating healthy for a week either. Would you go to the gym?

Like I want you falling off, like I don't want you going to the gym, I want you eating like shit. Yeah. Being like, I, you falling off like I don't want you going to the gym? I want you eating like shit. Yeah being like I you know something has happened catastrophic my My life is kind of falling apart for a minute. We need a spiral If you've died, and I was like enjoying danishes Really disrespected no no no no I'd be fine with that. I would be pissed if we died and you're like eating like cashews and And like you know chickpea you can't think of two healthy

Like if you're reading a Dr. Seuss novel, eating cashews, I'll be pissed. Oh my god. Intellectual novel and... Yeah, I guess I don't know what a healthy snack... What's a healthy snack? What do you eat? I only eat entrees. You don't snack?

No. What's in your cabinets? They're too fleeting to justify. Oh my god. Okay. Okay. Yeah, next question. Yep.

Makes perfect sense. Do you know what I mean, though? No. Snacks are one of the best parts about being human. Yeah. Well, they don't satiate, and they provide a pleasure that's... two seconds? Yeah, but they get you from A to B.

It's snack. No, because B isn't anywhere. But snacking probably a little bit more hungry. Oh, no, you're eating the wrong snack. Snacking is better than eating. What do you think a snack is? You tell me what if you had to have snacks? What would your snacks be that? Like like I guess beef jerky I'm gonna go on like more like satiating if I brought a bag of chips and dip all right everybody's enjoying that chips and salsa yeah chips and queso yeah that's a great judge named other dips that's fine cheese and crackers yes cheese and

crackers cheese and crackers are great that's snacking is significantly better a cheese boards a snack snacking is not better than yes it is Because you can snack on anything things not better than watching a ballgame with a tray of snacks Well, they're in two different realms if this oh if you asked me if I could only do one thing for the rest of my life Eat entrees or eat snacks. I'd take snacks. Oh You could make anything a snack yeah Yeah, like all candy snacks. You can't say a steak's a snack. Yeah, you can on snack.

Well, you're just saying that if you have steak in your fridge and it's just like left it, like that's a snack. But if you can't have entrees, what's you doing with steak in your fridge? Someone else brought it. Oh, yeah. One of the entrée people. One of the entrée people in my life brought it.

You can snack on anything. You're just cheating by saying everything's a snack. Yes. If when you see the world is all snacks, it's the greatest life ever. What about a steak slider? That's a snack snack. What? 100% of stuff. I'm in the ballpark or derves over full size snacks. You're just saying appetizers. They can't you know appetizers. Yeah, those are snack realm and your You're just saying appetizers, big cat. You're not saying snacks. You've left snack realm and you're at the appetizer. But appetizers are snacks because you're sharing it with everyone. Whatever's not an entree.

Right. I think of a snack, I think of 1.30 in the afternoon, I've got a ball game on, I need something to sit on the couch with and there's a snack on. I don't know if it's time sensitive. But don't you go to the fridges, like I'll go to the fridge and if there's leftovers I'll have a couple bites. That's a snack. Yeah, you'll snack on it- That's not a snack.

That is a snack. That is a snack. Snacky- I'll snack after dinner. Snack is a thing that you just don't put on a plate. Wait, you'll snack? Kyle, you- this whole thing started when you said you wouldn't snack. I know. If I do snack, if I do have snack foods, it's after dinner. You're a snack liar.

The word snack is very weird. It turns into not a word. It turns into not a word, just like series. Yeah. Snack. Snack. Snack sounds weird, if you say it more. Sn. Turns into not a word, just like series. Yeah, snack. Snack. Snack sounds weird if you say it more. Snack after dinner is just dessert, right? Not dessert.

Yeah. Sweet treat. Oh, yeah, I like treats more than snacks. Well, now what are we getting into? No. Treats are great, but you can't just sustain yourself on treats. You can't sustain yourself on snacks. Oh, my god. I'm more

For an entire week. I'm more satiated from a ho-ho than I am a bag of Cool Ranch I think a snack you can eat a ton of a treat if you go too hard You'll get diarrhea is what it defines you get diarrhea from snacks. Let's just be on but I think faster You guys are making the case for snacks actually not being good Which is crazy because snacks are big cats through the whole thing off by declaring everything a snack well everything is a snack everything's not a snack focus and you declare everything a snack is what you make it right it's a state of mind it's like being a Buddhist yeah I bet you you have a snack on a salad I'm a yeah right everything's not a snack that's

also just gross salads good god damn it, I think the lettuce is a protein Shit vegetable put other vegetables in the cell I've been getting chick-fil-a salads And I just I basically eat the chicken on it right with a little bit of the lettuce and then as soon as the chicken's gone I throw it out and whatever crunchy Like all right, I've done that. Yeah, I'm just basically having chicken finger if not lettuce and a salad what Kyle I think a salad is tuna salad. It's a bowl with lettuce What?

Wait, let them cook Like what like I just don't I like other vegetables more than lettuce So oh you said like a Greek salad Spinach a Greek salad is better than a regular salad kale You have something green calm a salad is a soup, but the lettuce is the liquid Oh, does does that salad need lettuce no a Greek salad is an elite salad a Greek salad has tons of lettuce No, it doesn't let her say salad soup Yeah, no, but you know a Greek salad has no lettuce a soup is a liquid with accessories And a salad is all of that a lettuce no a Greek salad is olive

Cucumber tomato onion feta. I don't think that's a motherfucking salad. That's not there's no lettuce in that. That's a salsa That's a nana pasta. That's fucking two kinds of Greek salads if you get it from a diner That's it will have that was it lettuce in it with chicken and stuff like that I that pisses me off that whole plate pisses me. That's that's an elixir That's a really good sound cats a bean salads a salad what? Salads gotta have lettuce. What about what about tuna salad? That's chicken salad. That's more of a hodgepodge They're called that they're not really salad. What about a kale salad? Salads to me. What about a kale salad? That's a salad. It has to have a leafy. It has to have a green leaf. So a green leaf. Okay. That's... all right. We'll start there. Right. But Kyle didn't want a green leaf. What about a piece of corn?

I'm gonna be honest. I don't like the taste of leaves. Agreed. Strongly. But that's why you put all the other stuff in the ranch and the dressing on it. Has a leaf ever made a like a food better? A wedge salad. I like the crunch it has made a like a food better a wedge salad i like the things that make it better i'm not rabbits you can throw spinach into certain things that make it better the all chevall lettuce wrap burger is wonderful no it can't be sound like a pussy when you sell it it tastes the same as oh man god damn it now i don't want you on this yeah, right? You go to like a famous burger place you're getting a fucking rap well I have to

Tell me hurts My tummy hurts every time I eat a burger I told her it's every time I eat a burger. You have multiple diseases. Yeah, you're riddled with disease. I just fight through it. Power through. I cannot wait until you get a disease. I'm counting down the fucking days.

I'm gonna give up. And then we're gonna have Yak episodes centered around the one thing you can't have. I will give up. You're gonna die to a very non-fatal disease. Yeah, I'm just gonna be like, oh, you can't have this anymore? Okay, I'm out.

And then I die. Oh, you can't have you can't have this anymore. Okay, I'm out Also good salad discourse and I was snack I get like the the utility of lettuce I guess it's the crunch But I think our brains have come to a so falsely associate lettuce as being good because we think of the toppings the cheese is correct Yeah, dressing would anyone be eating a salad if it wasn't good for them, right? My thing is lettuce like I don't think people like the taste right I don't only do it because you think it's good How about us get into burgers then? Let us as a good crunch. I don't I don't like it. I don't know how did it pull off It's more than just I think it was just trying to make it fancier. No pickle is fine

I think it's to make you feel better about your right. Yeah, some people do care about their health I think what you're saying. I don't know. I've met a few people is that person in this room with us. No Better not be I'm kind of tight. I've met a few people just a little sassy there. That's all I don't let us isn't You don't make friends with salad. Let's get lettuce the fuck out of here. I don't like lettuce. I don't like really anything on a burger, really. I like a salad on the burger.

But like the tomato and lettuce and all that. People don't like just plain ground beef. I do. They like seasoning on the burger. I do. Everything's a product of ingredients. I don't want the salad on the burger. I guess. I don't want the salad on the burger. Besides maybe a mango. How's a product of ingredients. I don't guess nothing at all the salad on the burger. Well. It's maybe a mango How's a mango where you?

Mangoes a great taste what about banana or an apple or okay? Yeah sure fuck it, but I want mango Well you went mango before all those other staples. I think it's got a really strong I think mangos are you see skip the line to mangoes. That's all I'm saying maybe that's some corn by itself It's good correct There's a lot of base ingredients that are good potatoes. No, but they need butter and salt there We go good by themselves. It was a raw potato. I think is poisonous. It's not I think a raw potatoes poisonous. Are you love you? I can have potatoes This is good everything's just ingredients man, it's good, but I think there's a tension bubbling.

A fight could break out. Oh, looky there. Anything can poison you. You can kill yourself drinking too much water. Not you. I could. I'm significantly behind. No, yours is like one sip.

My chronic dehydration is not a laughing matter. That's so solvable. Why are we laughing? If we could safely figure out a way to get you a sweet tea IV, would you do it? Every day. Maybe every hour of every day. That'd be very funny. You know, you could put tea leaves in your fish tank

and make it look like an underwater riverscape, and that's fine for the fish. Oh, let me get a fish tank first. What? Do you have a fish tank? No, but I really want one There's this guy serpa design on YouTube. He does great great. Just uh, let's see him He makes some great tanks for what a left turn. You just took us down. I think it was a segue. We're talking to

He leaves in a fish tank. Yes. He has quite the best They have cleaning elements to the I watch every one of his videos He did a tee tee leaf aquarium that made it look like a river bottom and it was so fucking sick. Love this dude. Oh, he's the one who builds like little ecosystems, right? Yeah, well he does big ones too. I've watched the DIY backyard pond over there.

Does anyone in here have fish? I had them, they all died. No one? I love the people that are doing the pond pools in their yard now. I have a fish that lives in my lake. I catch him every other day. Every once in a while there's a TikTok of a guy that will get a fish and see how big

it can grow and he ends up having a whole pond in his basement. Yeah I've seen that guy. I think it's a catfish. It's a bass. I want to see that bass. I've seen a bass. I want to see that guy. There's somebody doing eels in a hole in the ground.

But it's the cleanest water you could ever see. Can I see that guy? You know about this eels guy? I knew about the eels guy. Oh yeah. You guys know about the eels guy? I knew oh, yeah, you guys know about the we've talked about there's alligator in the basement. Oh, yeah I Want to see the eels are big money? Can do it right eels are what's the money? food I

Think yeah for food I mean Yeah, this guy's like this hole hole but look how clear that water is. Can I do freshwater stingrays? Well that's a nightmare. So the eel pit's actually cold water. In the winter it gets down to about the 40s Fahrenheit about four degrees celsius. What's that guard doing in there? So for all the warm water tropical species of stingrays from the Amazon basin none of those would work it just too cold. But there actually is a United States native, the Atlantic stingray, which generally

is a saltwater species. Is it legal though? But there are rules. That would suck to be out there, and then that guy puts you in his basement. I don't, did I? We don't talk about stingrays. I'm of the firm belief, if I were an animal,

I would love to be in the zoo. Don't have to worry about that. Because you're taken care of. You get fed all the time. And you're a star. But you can't run. Brandon, you have the ability to do that now. You can't run. You're just sitting there.

You can't freely run. You have to eat all the time. You don't even have to get up to pee. You just do it right there. Oh my god, yeah. I guess you're right. Am I a zoo animal? I would. We should have a Brandon Zoo. An exhibit? All right. Big tank. What's the noise you would make? The kids are pounding on the glass. What do you do? Just throw my

poop at them. Can you abruptly leave like a monkey would at some point in this episode? Well, I can but how would a monkey leave it's your interpretation no I want to know what he in his mind is I want you to leave like a monkey right? Brandon Am I like you're asking too many questions yeah I got a piss at some point. I will leave as a monkey least someone stepped up. Do you want to play a game for it? Oopsie poopsie or extra strength tweaker. Oh two classics. Is that two games or one that's the either or the One title of okay, you really liked oopsie poops

One title of a really like doopsy-poopsy Okay, do you want to play I have to say yes, I do oopsie-poopsie or extra strength tweaker that's your call Yeah, look under your seat Change your answer you to change your answer? No! You can change your answer. What? Oh! What'd she get? Oopsie. Oh my god! There's oopsie, oopsie.

Oopsie, oopsie. Kate, you're quite good. Wow. You win. Are you magic? Wait, Kyle. Kate you're quite good Ready do you do you want to play? Oopsie poopsie or extra strength I'd like your extra strength look under your seat What'd he get? Extra strength. You're good at this. Wow.

Wow. You guys are both very good at this. Extra strength tweaker right there. Is that a popper, Kyle? No, it's a general tweaker. That's an extra strength. It smells like an uber Weak your game, how do you play Kyle Brandon oopsie poopsie or extra

Well you gotta pick one I'll go oopsie poopsie check under your seat What do you got? Fuck damn. I was hoping one of you lost Yeah, I know they're anyone else This is mine are those the only three that only three I put those are the people that came forward I would guess oopsie poopsie, and I know you were tuning you would guess tweaker. Yeah, what a psychological Oopsie poopsie is Mediterranean sage. What is oopsie? Oh, it's the spray you spray when you take a shit Yes, the anti-awkward scent

Made in America. How about that? Oh It's just pop it all thing Take a lick That's one of those ones where like matches were did your did your guys dads do matches Yes, I've matched. Oh yeah today for poop. Yeah, yeah, I read the same item light a match works really well Yeah, today for poop. Yeah, yeah cover the same item light a match works really well We also you would say that after like I would team like go light a match We're definitely gonna get like an oopsie poopsie ad read next week better than matches

Would you guys do a spray after you poop I have matches in the back Oh, yeah, we actually do man we would oscillate between matches and sprays There'll be a for breezeze. So Febreze, if it's, that's to be a pleasant, pleasant poop. I have, I've talked about it, but I have my own bathroom, and so I don't have to spray or anything, but there will be a few times, like maybe like every couple of months,

where like my wife will venture over to my side after, and I'll just have to be like stop stop right there You are not allowed in this in this Go back to where you came There's an unplush It's like do not do not dude bathrooms belong in the basement down there you commit the crime Yeah, basement bathrooms really are great. Yeah, they are the best cuz they're cold Yeah, and like the yeah the tiles colder everything a bathroom ought to be yeah commit the crime. Basement bathrooms really are great. They are the best. Because they're cold.

And the tile's colder. Everything a bathroom ought to be. Bathrooms shouldn't be pretty. Yeah, and you should, as a man, you should be like with it's like stalking rules. You should be 100 yards away from anyone when you're taking a shit. Yes.

When Pat and I first started dating, he lived in a tiny, tiny one one bedroom in Austin and the only bathroom there It was right next to the bed basically It was like a tiny bedroom bathroom is right there and it was early on when like you're trying to trick the guy into Thinking you're lady you're not blowing that right yeah And so I waited till like way way way way way late at night one night And I went into the bathroom like took a shit, and I thought it was the vent fan

But it was the some bathrooms. I had never seen this before it turns on like a heat thing yeah and the top so I took a shit and turned on the heat thing. The heat thing rocks when it's like winter and you yeah you turn it on you just hop it's like a sauna in there when you shower first place. I ever say I like turned it into a little musty though. I Just I just took some extra strength tweaker Two doses yeah, that's two doses. Yeah Edible I drank it. Oh you drank it. We just I thought you sniff it Drank it all no, it's two doses. I drank a dose. Well, what's tweet? What's that? What's the extra strength tweaker?

Is that also bathrooms? No, it's a drink. Oh, what does it do energy drink? Yeah, you want so is this like those like rhino boner drinks at 11th rhino boner? I have a swag upstairs a what the swag gas station dick pill. Ah There's a lot or say rhino have rhino associated that's fucking pretty cool Yeah, you're covered in oopsie poops. Oh my god, I can't shake my hand. Tony, would you like to play with Tony Stewart?

Have we done oopsie poopsie with Tony Stewart before? Don't say it. I want to say it. I'm drenched in it. Has he sold his house yet? Has he seen his house? Does he have a house in Chicago? Indiana?

You haven't seen his house yet? It feels like something you would have seen would run you see Dion selling his house. Yeah at houses Yeah, it makes all the other neighborhood look like he has a bunch of old TV. Oh, yeah. Holy Oh, that's fucking sick. That looks that he lives in a Cabela's. Yeah Hey look there's that dude with the tiny penis in the tank Hey look there's that dude with the tiny penis in the tank Cabela's holy shit Literally cleaned by Bass Pro Shop. Oh, okay. It actually is a mass dungeon ranch

Do you think he'll let us yak there? I don't think so. I asked if we don't say it we can't ask for forgiveness Look how much last I knew it was like on the market for Edward paneling perfect see Deon's house I've been to Deon's house sick, but yet he has those old-ass TVs Yeah, like the boxes the boxes have you been to his house no I didn't go uh By the way draft Kings Derby week is here Kyle's Kentucky Derby previews coming on Friday Gentlemen suit up in your sharpest ladies. Let's let those wide brimmed hats turn heads. The race is on but who will rise above the rest and be crowned king of the track? Find out on DK Horse the number one downloaded horse betting app.

We're going to be suited up as well for the bet gala on Monday. Draft Kings turning up the thrill with the king of the track promotion. Here's how to get in. Head to DK Horse app. Opt in and bet five dollars or more on a horse to win the Derby. If your pick crosses the finish line first, you'll win a share of $1 million prize pool. Who will reign supreme? Download the DK Horse Racing app and use code YAK. That's code YAK on DK Horse. Bet $5 or more on a horse to win the Derby for your shot at a piece of $1 million only on DraftKings, the crown is yours. Gambling problem?

Call 1-800-GAMBLER. 18 and over. 21 and over in certain states to open, own, or access an advanced deposit wagering account and resident of state where DK Horse is available. Eligibility restrictions apply. Void were prohibited. Opt in and place a $5 plus straight win bet on the Derby.

First eligible bet only. Must win to share $1 million. Cash reward via click to claim. Expires in 30 days ends May 3rd See terms at DK horse comm slash bet slash offers slash details I've talked to Cody We're we're gonna do the the fit pick on Saturday. Oh my Like up. Yep. I've given him a location and

We're gonna fit pick who's gonna take the pick Probably some bystander at my son's t-ball game Yeah, if this pick gets a million likes you have to go to a preseason football game with them Absolutely But with that at stake it's gonna be But with that at stake it's gonna be One million everyone I don't think you're going to a preseason football game. It's not the worst punishment It is with Cody Cody. Yeah What's the what's his record for Derby fit likes I think 20 20 well the one that we did boost one didn't we

One that we did boost one didn't we yeah before he had zero Reply zero like lies drop got none. He's gonna When we boost yeah, this is like Cody's like origin. Yeah, he's gonna use it as a sponsored ad drop your derby day fits Days later He had no replies days later Shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. That always slips my mind. There we go. Oh, some good ones. Oh, itchings. I think we're coming up on the anniversary of the balloon. Whoa. How get in the balloon? We passed it. The reason I think that is because if I remember right, it was like the same time we did the Star Wars. Oh yeah. You're right, it was. I think that is because if I remember right it was like the same time we did the we did the Star Wars Yeah, you're right. It was I think it might have been like the exact same lady early early may Yeah, or I was just like what a what a day at the stool. I'd love to do that

It was one of those a third cuz you guys will never do I think we'll have to do the balloon again for the royal rumble Losing team has to get in the balloon Team no losing team has to get one person balloon. Losing team? No, losing team has to get one person in the balloon. That's how it works. Who lost? Who did that last time? Spider, I want to say. Yeah, it was one of the best picks.

He looked like he was hatching, yeah. Yeah. He's like all sweaty and gross. Looked like when a cow gives birth. Huh. Oh, there we go, yeah. This was during the, yeah. Oh yeah, five, three.

The case first was when PFT got his hair caught in the yes, right? It's behind Brandon right now We gotta get you back in a balloon Gotta get you back in a blue We gotta get you back in a balloon That took like six weeks How physically exhausting was it in the balloon? It was pretty exhausting You were really sweaty Can we see it pop? It's so funny when it pops

I think it would be the funniest thing for somebody to be bouncing around on the street One of these and it pops and they're naked I Everything's so funny. It's so funny Nick you're not allowed to enjoy this no, I won't and you guys won't do it again Why isn't he allowed cuz he was a hater on oh, that's right. He said it was never gonna happen Always before my time he gave up. I know I never even partook. It's not like you Nick. No, I been a curmudgeon

Somebody gotta do it Pops no he comes in the studio. It looks like you're jumping way higher than him. He's getting so high. Oh no. Can you sit? Hold on, hold on. You think you can sit? No. No, no, Kyle, you might die.

All right, yeah. Thoughts? I mean, it gives insane spring. It's just exhausting to have to... To make it work. I mean, it's just exhausting to have to... To make it work. I mean, it's just exhausting to have to...

To make it work. I mean, it's just exhausting to have to... To make it work. I mean, it's just exhausting to have to... To make it work. I mean, it's just exhausting to have to... To make it work. I mean, gives insane spring The worst moment of my life you're not to be the best You could You could easily I don't know what that would do to me I don't think can you yeah It looks fake. That's good. That's good. We gotta do it again.

You gotta wear like the boxers with the hearts on them. I mean how can we up it? I don't think, I think that's one of those things that just anytime you're in a balloon I'm gonna laugh my ass off. So it's a year anniversary of you being in the balloon. Do you have the picture of Spider? It's like, he looks like, like, classical art. Yeah, he's under so much distress. Because we're all so hammered.

I don't remember, honestly. I didn't, I'm like, Spider was in the balloon? Yeah, it was after the case race, because we had to get, I remember when we set up the case race teams, we're like, the only thing we got to do is make sure KB and Spider are on opposite sides, so whatever team loses, they have someone who can get in the balloon you were black the fuck out case zero recollection How much I loved that we got to get you back I'll do it. Yeah, you will get you to it. We're like just his feet are poking out instead That's interesting like grimace Monkey eggs oh shit pretty good good pretty good

nailed it what are you reading Brandon what sound would you make if you I don't I don't make good noises I go to the high you do the hoo-hoo ha ha right yeah but I don't even even your scream your client you do the ring a tang do you call your momha, right? Yeah, but I don't even... Even your scream. Your classic scream sounds like an orangutan. Do you call your mom every day or just on special occasions or once on a blue moon? Steven Singer Jewelers wants to help you tell the moms in your life every single day how appreciated they are.

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Only available from Stevensinger Jewelers in Philly or online at IHatStevenSinger.com Did you do DraftKings yet? I did. You did? I did. Derby Day is coming this Saturday and Kyle is going to give us his preview on Friday. What horses we should pick. Yep. I'll look into that. Do you guys see the sperm race? Oh yes! I can't bring this up sperm race it's incredible go on they dudes California jizz in a tube and they're like this is your sperm Kyle wait till you see it's not growth it is awesome yeah and they make a race I would absolutely bet on this yeah here, here. Is there a fight? Four contestants came with the goal to win $10,000 bragging rights for the strongest, fastest semen. I want to

build Olympics for sperm. Eric Zoo is one of the sperm raising organizers with the help of wealthy investors, the 17 year old Bay Area high school student and entrepreneur launching this epic competition to raise awareness on male fertility health. The general public doesn't talk about it because it's so taboo. The contenders who were in high school, he just wants to do that. Yeah, what's taboo? To train their mind, bodies and diets ahead of the viral sold out marathon.

The competitors sperm put into a microscopic racetrack. Sperm literally captured on this screen. the matchup of the night male students from USC and UCLA in the end the Trojan one the Bruin got creamed also that's like a do what you love type of thing. He's a 17 year old. He's just like yeah, I like to oh yeah I love jerking off all I like yeah, only thing I like you can monetize it like that He's gonna get to like he's like late 20s early 30s. This is lame. I Can't do this anyway, I Wouldn't want to see mine. I would what if it was bad

I'd want to see mince's into each other Going the opposite way on the track From tracking we're talking about mince's come right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah We had a guy visiting Last week we had a guy in the office. He dropped off some stuff and crashes. Last week we had a guy in the office, he dropped off some stuff and the guy asked Mincy, hey where's the exit? And Mincy's like, I get lost all the time. And then the guy texted me, he's like, Mincy didn't help me out. Where did he ask this question? Upstairs.

So upstairs right above us he asked how do I get out here and Mincy didn't? He was like, it's not a big deal deal I get lost all the time TJ can we get in touch with this guy? And race our sperm sperm kid or that half to yeah Whoa, I would absolutely do a yak where we all race our sperms. I need all business Pete's mouth to be the finish He just licks it I says he puts his tongue on the paper. We can do this. Absolutely.

It's not too lewd. I also would like Mincy, like maybe we have Mincy's sperm and it's just, you know, random words and it's whatever the sperm goes to. Okay. It's almost, I think his sperm would eat its own. It actually would absolve him. It's like, it's nature versus nature.

Yeah. Brandon would have to be the betting favorite, uh well. He's older now. Well. Yeah, I think I think this was ten years ago I was I was prolific These days I have no idea right. I'm curious, but I don't want to find out that I Procreate oh live on the yeah Oh live on the yeah Is there a correlation between fertility and speed no about Oh shit! You gotta fight! Shit, wait, hold on, I wanna see! Wait, I can't see! Hold on, I can't see! Look it! He came into a water gun? Hold on, let me see!

Back up! Is that a gun? Yes. Okay, the program is continuing guys, we are not cutting... Oh, that's incredible. I got fucking fast. We gotta find a way to get in touch with this guy and do a sperm race here. Is there other events we could do as well?

They get a second content yeah, yeah biggest sperm I think I've been taking maca Oh Maka route taking a capsule is that for loads for loads? For me it is what does it do to them for loads? Take your loads. Why are you. Well why? Why do you want bigger loads? Are you, do you have, are you? Bigger, whiter loads. Are you? Mine was like translucent for a while

and I was like, ew, that's like too watery. That's a PED. You can't be taking those for the rig. You're actively working on your loads? Yeah. I guess it's like a pride thing. How are they looking? Bigger and whiter.

And is that like a pride, just a pride point? Yeah, I didn't like the translucency in my old cum. You were self-conscious about the color of your cum? Absolutely. And if it was just like kind of, but it was like, it was like, see? You're breeding a stallion over there. It looks like water. Oh my god, Kyle. And how fast did it work?

Pretty quickly bigger and lighter seabow and I like a Like body dysmorphous, I don't know I think it works you put your sperm on a regimen kind of yeah Do you take it every day no? We talking like mayonnaise. Oh wait did you are they ropes so you saw I ain't doing ropes Yeah, it's like okay. That's a man's load Okay, so so before you'd be like that's a child's load, and you're like that's a boy See right through this shit. Oh did a little boy bust in your place I noticed this real clear load. Are you more confident in life now?

Knowing that you have just like huge man loads if you got held at gunpoint and you had to load it would be yeah Definitely like how I would go to like a clinic So did you and let somebody else see my load did Did you so you were embarrassed of somebody seeing it? I? Guess like a self thing cuz like no one has ever given me feedback on my load Now you saw you one day you saw the load that you Google how to get bigger loads And I think somebody recommended it Rudy Oh, Rudy

Really I should all try it out. Yeah, all right. I'm definitely gonna be examining my semen more than usual See how white it is that's gonna be stunned, but I have a huge love Maca yeah, fucker root there. It is pat this looks awful and parent just shut up and clean it All right, I just got some You just bought something for cleaner wider loads Bigger wider loads yeah, not cleaner. Yes, that would be like tied. Yeah, right All right To mark just leave he's going he's probably running to get some I Love that for you Kyle

Like I just I just hope it was like an appropriate recommendation. I don't know if that's like Chats probably having a field day supposed to do in that I don't know seems safe Meaning shouldn't be doing that he's got bigger wider loads. Yeah, what more could a man want? Proof is literally in the pudding. Oh, God. Oh, God damn it. Fuck you for that. Pretty good. I really want to do a sperm race here.

I don't. It would be electric. We could do a blind sperm race. We don't have to say whose is whose. But then what's the point? What's the point of that? Well, we could reveal after. We all dress as druggies. That's revealing. Let's point of that? Well, we could sit reveal after we all that's that's revealing

Let's go winner. We just can't do the blind but like let's yeah, so we did we did measure our dicks, right? Who cares you? Four kids. What does it matter? Yeah, I'm done number time. I don't give a fuck We name shooting us we do our horse like a horse. Yeah, we'd have to okay head on it. Yeah, this would be so much fun I'll do it tomorrow oh yeah down boy I need some load management guys are gonna be training too much yeah I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to prep ours isn't gonna be a scientific is that too it'll just be oozing down the plinko board this snail race

they'll go like two inches and then die. Yeah, just run out evaporate evaporate I do like I want I'm almost rooting for my sperm to be exceptionally slow be so much funnier. Yeah Holy shit, that's some slow Yeah, huffing and puffing trombone playing in the background See it's somehow it's the 12-hour yeah We're not talking it's just just creeping Chariots fire plane taking breaks every every two minutes I guess I gotta ask when you when you do come you produce a lot a whole lot of sperm, right?

Yeah, yeah, I think so. That's just one right. So how do they determine who's is who's there? Well, no, I think well. That's just one. Right. So how do they determine who's is who's there? Well, no, I think well, that was under a microscope. Right. But how do we know they're in different microscopes? I think they're in different like tracks. Probably take a sample of each. Me too. The folks. You don't know me like that. You don't know what I'm packing. It's so funny.

The announcer is not. What does she do? It's like a nerd battle. And they're like that. And do it's like a nerd battle And they're doing like a battle rap probably coming. How did they get this many people to attend this? Right people will show up for calm How did these guys get to be finals Yeah, there was four Jay was like y'all getting paid they all bust backstage. Here's the final is oh look at this also the star Yes, see look I see whoa. Whoa. Oh my god. Yeah, oh

And this is the next slide. Holy shit. They're going slow down. I Want to see if mine can solve a maze? Look at them. We're back on the sizes. That one, that guy has stopped. Yeah, that's what I want mine to do. They're just talking. Yeah. One guy once more went backwards.

How do they know whose is whose? There's two different tracks, I think. Yeah, two different tubes. One guy's not even on the screen. Yeah, he got fucking dusted. He's doing a pit stop. Can I say something? Yes?

That may make me seem like an asshole. Yes? This looks fake to me. Oh, no. Are we dumb? It has to be like simulated somehow. No, TJ, no. I don't think you can see individual see individual sperm right there's thousands of millions of them, right? One load like a billion sperm. That's what I thought was that faked the news reported on it

I think that the event it was real and maybe it was to draw like publicity towards Productive health, but this doesn't look like a yeah, I imagine this is the simulation I don't think you can see individual Why wouldn't you because they're very small but there's it's a microscope I don't think like I don't think you can see individual sperm It's a on a normal my swimming and two but they're not. It's not a normal microscope. This is we're talking USC and UCLA

and they've taken and it's branded. I don't know this maybe I'm a poo poo pants. This looks you're being a poo poo pants tremendously faked. You're worried that your com is slow. I'm confident in my coming

ability. Okay. Oh, but we have we have a video of of ability. Okay, oh but we have We have a video of of sperm. Yeah, do we mm-hmm like swimming? Yeah, everybody knows what a sperm looks like true. I'm looking at so why couldn't they Do that for this also TJ? It's not your ability to have a microscope that can see sperm Would sperm like all go in the same direction like that? No, I don't think so. I don't think that sperm knows. Speak for yourself. I don't know anything. I don't know much about sperm. It was on ABC 7 Chicago. It has to be. How would they know the direction to go?

Good point. Unless they put something at the end that it's familiar with, like an old sock. I picture it more like that. Isn't that how we're all here. Yeah knows where to go it just goes right? Yeah, like a vagina at the finish line. Yeah, that's it is they the track is a fallopian tube. They said yeah, oh No, that's that's like the way it They mimicked a fallopian to all right. I don't think I have a spiral in mine. TJ. Mine's like a Hot Wheels track, it's super fun.

40 million, 180 million, or 1800 million. And Kyle's at like 500 million now. A billion per bus. Right, so those were showing us like eight sperm come out of a guy. Well, no, they took it. It's not an entire nut. Yeah, they took it. And then they took the, you saw them take the baster.

But if they take the baster, and I'm taking something that has 300 million sperm in it, I'm not going to see eight individuals. Can you guys believe in something? I don't. It is. We are all the product of a sperm race. Why are we all? We are the winning sperms.

Like we were the best. That's cool. Which is scary because imagine the winning sperms? Like we were the best. That's cool. She's scary. Imagine the worst. Fast. Died out there. Oh my God. Our fallen soldiers. What shitheads. I'd hate like for a photo finish and like the one guy tripped. Yeah, right. He would have been great. Maybe you cheated. Yeah. Yeah. Like there was like what if like I'm the the Yeah, like there was like, what if like, I'm the conclusion of like there was like a 100 million pile up. Yeah, the big one at town.

I got around it. Yeah. Yeah. The big one happened. It was just me chugging along. That's how I got made. Fuck. Yeah.

Pile up. It's a giant pile up little engine that could yeah across the finish line man TJ come on teach maybe I'm wrong I don't know come on teach well if Josh is watching this Josh see if we can get in touch with these people I believe maybe that they had a race but the video that they showed looks like do you think it's not live I think that maybe they had a race, but the video that they showed looks like. Do you think it's not live? I think that maybe they had a race in a lab or something and got the results and then made a video to represent that somehow. Like, this, the way, I don't know, this, it looks fake.

I can see that. The branding looks fake, or it looks like that wouldn't be, I don't know, all of it looks fake. I have that wouldn't be I don't know all of it looks like I Have a potentially dumb raceway all right So I never did this method, but for all the sock people in the room When you're tugging into a sock When you do it that sock is done right like it's getting washed correct. Oh my Do you put it on the next day? No like watch your throne is there a special sock that's just that exclusively and reused or is it what I don't know I've never done this

method sock was always kind of a crazy move to me I agree any sock guys somebody's being silent I would imagine you throw the sock out that are washing the garden I've never been a side imagine you use it three to four times max definitely don't wash it don't wash it you know you know rash you know who answer this is a sock guy all right this is this is for one man and one man only. Who could this man be? Oh, I think I might know. White Sox Dave. Hey, Dana, when you come in your sock, how many times you come in it before you wash it? I'm not public transportation right now. Oh, well, OK.

OK, we'll just answer the question, how many times before you wash it? I would probably say three to four. OK, perfect. Thanks, Dana. Appreciate it. You were right. Bye.

See? He couldn't say three to four on the public. I mean, he's a quintessential coming to sock guy. He went right to the answer. Did he? I thought he was a belly guy. Oh. Yeah, but I think he's just an everywhere man.

Yeah, I think he's just messing everywhere. He's just making him. He's that commercial, the guy just spilling. That's Dana with his cum. Love to spill his semen. Yeah. Interesting stuff. High brow shit.

Yeah. Yeah, we hit it. I wouldn't mind doing a sperm right now. We have to. It would be an electric yak. And then can we have t-shirts made of like the winner? Yeah, I just want to thank you Steven Che but a sperm cell and said We should get a surrogate and the winner gets to get a baby. Yeah

Not a bad idea it gets a baby. Yeah, we don't act we'll raise it. Yeah, yeah Not a bad idea. When her kid's a baby. Yeah, we don't know who to win. The Yak will raise it. Yeah. Yeah, till the baby. Yeah. Maybe Yak baby anyway. We just make a... We just...

Oh! Whirl them all together. We could make a smoothie. Yeah, make a smoothie and pregnant her. And we don't know. We don't know. And we'll all raise it thinking it's ours. Wow.

Deal, Kate? Yeah. Oh, what do you think the baby is before we realize who's it is? I think we know pretty clear. Is it right in the... Zaz sperm wins. Zaz. Yeah. Che, probably. The baby is before we realize who's it is I think we know pretty is it right in the sperm winds You think you could blind feel like a bunch of babies and tell like which one's yours Absolutely, not I go the years maybe

Absolutely, not like are we talking baby, baby? We're talking baby, baby. I think you could do your oh, I got a we talking newborn, baby Not they all look the same speaking of which I got a I got a baby question They do they they take your baby and yeah throw it in the the pile with the other babies Yeah, yeah, sort of mark. Well. No they take your baby first. They put it under the chicken lamp They put it under the lamp and then yeah So never left the room the baby shuffling it happens you gotta keep your eye on them So I need to take a sharpie to know they put a tag on the baby right away

Okay and then actually the the nursery is a cheat code because you it's basically two days where you have a Trained professional to walk like to see your baby. Oh, yeah a lot of a lot of mothers are like Oh, I need to have my baby the whole time It's like maybe you could sleep and there's someone watching the baby, and they bring the baby back when you want it interested yeah, I Was too paranoid what are you speaking the whole time? Yeah speaking truth, but yeah people have said that's the I didn't know Well no they put so when you your baby's born life So they put it under the chicken the chicken warmer

Uh-huh, they also got to like hit it to make it start breathing Which is the scariest like five seconds of your life, and then you hear the baby cry they clean it up And then they put a little Bracelet on its ankle and then they took take the same bracelet and put it on the mother not the dad so and then there's all like hospitals are crazy now there's alarm systems that if the baby goes past a certain door the whole hospital shuts down what whoa yeah so you can't steal a baby oh yeah and like when you check out with the baby you have to check out like they have to check out your the mother's Bracelet and the baby's bracelet to let you leave

They got it down. They got it down Like I could if I took my baby when it was one day old and tried to leave the hospital They I wouldn't be like they would have like tackle. Yeah Our dad still cutting umbilical cords or is that a nurse job? Never I did Give you the option shit. I think yeah, they give you the option said no. Thank you. I heard it's tougher than you'd imagine Are you gonna do it mark? I think so yeah, you want him to have an idea? I don't care one way or another I just say yes

Say no no no you gotta say why was that say no to everything just don't look you guys say no to every It's a medical procedure on a newborn that give the dad the task to do yes You can see the red vein and the blue vein super clear You gotta sound soft It feels like you're cutting I did it I cut the red vein I did it Yeah

So you just Fine With what? Scissors? Yeah it's just a normal pair of scissors Big pair of scissors You see what I did with the popcorn machine? Like a grand opening

We're just gonna do that Yeah yeah yeah Where are you Pope outfit? I wear the Pope outfit and I'll fucking cut the ribbon. I got experience with this. No thanks. Yeah. It's tough.

I stood in the corner and the doctor was like, you don't have to stand that far in the corner. And I was like, yes I do. Yes I do. You say that's icky? No, I just say that. The whole time I was just like. That's icky.

What's going on? I wasn't even in the room the fourth time. I was just like, what's going on? That's icky. I wasn't even in the room the fourth time. Really? I gradually got further removed from the process. The second one, I was kind of there. Third one, I was a little there. And the fourth one, she just like, well. You're in the cafeteria?

You don't have to come in. Where were you? I took a nap in the waiting room. You did? Probably chair was probably uncomfortable. No, I laid on the floor. I was the only one there. So that was uncomfortable. It was 3 AM.m. Yeah. I'm sorry. Or four

a.m. Something like that's brutal warrior. Yeah. They woke me up and said your your boys here. He said all right. All right. Give me 10. Yeah. All right. Have you packed your bag yet. Oh it's coming. Not yet. No. That's not a pack no. Gotta pack your bag. They don't show up on a schedule. And us tall guys, the bed they give us is, it's gonna be so terrible for you, Mark. The bed they give you in the hospital. Can't wait. The pain you're gonna be in. Ooh, ooh, ooh Oh yeah, a human came out of your vagina.

Yay. Your body did the one thing it was designed to do. Literally the only reason you exist. Did your job. Air minimum. You're not here to be president. Gravity happened. Yay.

I've had multiple kidney stones. I know. I've had a lot of kidney stones. Air minimum. You're not here to be president. Yeah, for sure. Gravity happened, yay. I've had multiple kidney stones, I know. True. True. It's not true. Jesus Christ. Kidney stones are worse.

And like, it's a trade-off. We can get drafted to the military. Yup. Right. Yup. Imagine doing that. Every dude in here can be in the military. That's Right. Yeah. Imagine doing that. Every dude in here can be in the military. That's right.

Bitch. Hard to comprehend. Some of us have to play in the NFL. CTE, ever heard of it? Dangerous. Really dangerous. I'm sorry, guys. You were right.

I feel bad now. Thank you. It's hard. Drive the cars. Yep. You got to do the stuff. Create the big white loads. Was it a dude that named the vagina?

Had to have been. Yeah. Yeah, where'd that come from? We named it Paul. William H. Vagina. We named everything. Everything you see we named. Michael Pussy.

Dr. Michael Pussy. I've discovered...what a discovery that was. Hold on a second. Dr. Penis. Come on that discovered the pussy You're dying you got a hole in you. Oh it was a place to put a sword It's named a hold on That's such a dude thing. It's named to hold on. Hold on a second, we can put a sword in here. Wait, there needs to be a rebranding.

They didn't name it till 1680? It's mysterious and even treacherous. Wait, it didn't have a name until, oh my god. A physician could lure it back into place. It was called an animal within an animal? That's unbelievable. Oh, no. Lure it back into place, and the vagina with pleasant scents.

The history of the vagina is rife with myth, and misunderstanding, and mistreatment. What year was the pussy invented? 1862. 1680 1670s when they invented the candy cane The pocket watch They did all these things before naming that Will get around to it. Yeah, we'll name it, but first we need a hook,

a peppermint hook. Yeah. What are we going to eat around Christmas time? Wow. That's priorities. Sandy Canes pussy floors. Came out her pussy. Oh.

Just sitting around. We'll name it, but first, your breath reeks. Yeah. What do we have on the meeting today? Well, we got this new candy. We still have the pussy look. Let's put that to next week, Bob. Put it at the bottom of the bucket.

We'll get around to it. We still need to name this Candy Cane. Are these inventions before the vagina Now where can we put all these in the air pump priorities before there was a telescope The pussy was just that girl probably probably took decades to all agree on. Keep going up. Esteemed blood transfusion. Oh we had submarines? Oh my god.

Hell yeah. We just made fun shit. That's a dude's rock moment. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I wonder what brought on the name. There's probably some sort of incident vagina Yeah, probably a man not the woman like call it some yeah You have your fucking submarine you told me you would name this You have your fucking submarine. You told me you would name this No wonder Isaac Newton was a virgin yeah, you didn't know what to get yeah That seems very late to name it way too flowing it any name for I want that

That's awesome fun little history lesson you guys want to head to town and get some motherfucking Shit Trading for the guy. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, what did guys talk about? Submarines. Yeah, submarines. Yeah. Yeah.

Simpler time. Telescopes. That was it. All right. Let's spin the wheel tomorrow. Fucking submarines are very advanced tests. I was right about the sperm race by the way. Fake?

Not fake, but done. Simulator. As a fertility specialist, I look at sperm all day under the microscope. Oh, you priest. You are not wrong. This is computer generated, but the sperm race is not a fun. Here's how it really works. First, for every race, we take the raw footage of the microfluidics channels

and use computer vision to draw bounding boxes around them like this. I'll put in the leading sperm's completion rates frame by frame. And we infer the following sperm cells with these delta points allowing us to project the microscopic footage onto a 3D track like this. Improving the spectator experience, making sperm racing super fun and entertaining. But technically then you guys could send him vials of sperm and they could do this for us.

They do do a race and then they just make a simulation of it so that it's entertaining to watch. We could do like the Japanese horse race, we could make each of your sperms have like a character. Oh yeah. And that's how we find out who has the fastest sperm What my? Us doing a sperm race where we just all just drop our fucking sperm in the middle of the court Just run one spills more

Yours way to gelatinous at this point. No Mike. No telescope Just watching eight puddles I Think I saw move oh All right, let's spin the wheel we're gonna do Mexican Star Wars. That's right CC And We're going to do Mexican Star Wars. That's right. CC. And tomorrow we'll start the stream. I have a pretty open day. I'll stick around for a while. I'll watch Ape Beef finish their challenge.

Oh, it's going to be wet today, isn't it? No. Stop it. Cool. I had a fart, too. I didn't. Yeah. Yeah. Oh.

Oh. It's the Yak! It's the Yak! It's the Yak! Get your straws, yak style, and save for a while! It's the Yak! It's the Yak! It's the Yak! Yeah, it's time to talk shop, or do a Yankee swap! It's the Yak! It's the Yak! Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee Swabysiak

Bysiak!