The Yak - The Boys Get Sturdy For The Weekend | The Yak 8-5-22

Episode Date: August 5, 2022

Always HasYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo! Zah's not here. Nope. Oh, he left. He hightailedaz not here. Nope. Oh, he left. He hightailed out of here. He saved the awkwardness, the post-wild awkwardness.

I miss his mouth. Soft tongue. Really soft tongue. He knows it. Yeah, I know he knows it. Very soft tongue. My hands came out smelling better. I never have felt that before.

Sass? You played yourself pretty bad, my friend. I mean, that was... Oh, really? My dangerous games? Most dangerous game was... I mean... I knew what had happened because you had told me yeah i mean the car when we were driving out for the mini golf and i still was like

no there's no way he did this i thought we let ron explain the situation just for anyone who hasn't watched it you should watch it spoiler alerts spoiler alert for sure but it's almost like when you see the end of the movie and then you have to watch the rest of the movie to figure out how it happened, how they possibly got to that point. Because I think a lot of people were afraid of people being like, Tommy Smokes played the best game, which is an infuriating thing to hear time and time again. But that's not how it went down. Tommy beat Lil Sass by one vote.

And there were three finalists. They could all vote for each other. And Smitty, one of the finalists, voted for Tommy. And Sass, one of the finalists, voted for Tommy. And so Sass gave Tommy the win by voting for Tommy. If he had voted for Smitty, it would have been a tie. If they had both voted a different way, Sass could have won.

Sass fucked himself badly. Fucked yourself. Fucked yourself. Both him and Smitty voted for Tommy to win. Correct. To the naked mind, that makes no sense. Correct. What was the logic?

The logic was Tommy couldn't win, and so they were throwing their vote away by voting for Tommy because no one would possibly vote for Tommy, but they both had the same logic that sunk the ship. We didn't talk about that beforehand. We kind of had a strategy going into it and then we fucked up and both didn't do that. So just three people can only choose between two?

The whole panel got to vote. Oh, the whole panel. The whole panel. So the five people who have been eliminated and the three people who remained all could vote for the winner. Who else voted for Tommy. Jordan and Sydney. Oh, my God.

If Rone and Sass and Smitty had just voted for each other, Sass would have won. No, we would have tied. No, you would have won. Oh, you would have won. Both would have. If you and Smitty had just been like, let's not vote for Tommy, we'll vote for each other, you would have won. Yeah, so my logic was...

That was it. The only... Obviously, yeah, I mean, I fucked up. There's no denying that. But the logic was, the only people that were really vocal during the council's talking was Brianna and Billy.

And it made it seem like... Billy was more than vocal. Yeah, so it made it seem like, okay, Tommy has zero chance of winning. I thought he was kind of like... I was surprised at how I was like, wow, so Tommy's not going to get a single vote. People confuse me with Dickhead and Lying with playing the best game. Right. Yeah.

It's just crazy because you guys all just sat there. It was incredible. The whole thing. Everyone should watch it. Rowan was incredible as the host, and you watched the whole thing. And the entire time, literally the entire week that they they're there from the first episode to the last second they're like we just can't let tommy win and then he won and i was never in the position to vote anyone off right you didn't have to vote for tommy yeah but you voted for i said every time i i think i said multiple times

like we should vote off tommy because i was everyone else just falls right into his like games like it's so if Tommy ever comes yeah if Tommy ever comes up to me and like tries to like pitch something to me instantly I was like dude fuck off I was like what like you're not gonna like I know you time fuck off I'm just gonna vote for you for the finale you already have my vote I mean yeah but you guys are acting like I wanted him to win it was obviously it was a burn I was trying to just get rid of a vote because I thought Smitty had a way better chance of winning than Tommy did. And then Smitty got one vote.

Okay, you just figured Smitty would get more, so. Tommy's the best at these. It's undeniable. Dominates. I thought it was funny as fuck how Sass, you didn't care at all, weren't competitive. You're like, I'm happy with my three votes. Oh, I was happy with my three votes. Why would you be happy with your three votes?

I don't know. I thought it was. I was happy I didn't get one vote. That would have sucked. Yeah. The three and one are really not any different. Deservingly so. I would have been pissed too.

You both got zero money though. Yeah, I would have. I thought that was such great perspective. I was like, hey, I'm happy I had three votes. The money didn't matter. I was right there. Someone likes me. Yeah, three people. I was pumped.

We had the wrap party, and that's what I was really looking forward to that day. It was a blast. Because it was Trent's birthday, and we got a keg. It was a fun time. Oh, at? At the camp. At the camp. Yeah, it was a blast.

You really did sleep on a mattress by the lake. Ever poop Trent? Oh, poop Trent. Poop Trent. Who's a great guy and a great editor. He edited all the dailies. Did a lot of basketball with him that week. Poop Trent is called that because great guy and a great editor. He edited all the dailies. He had a lot of basketball with him that week. Poop Trent is called that because was he pooping listening to?

He was listening to Macklemore, right? Probably a pretty forgivable thing. Must have been a slow news day. I was like, I got big news. Someone's listening to music on the toilet. You were adamant about it. Yeah, I wouldn't let it go. That might have been an overreaction by us.

We thought it was crazy that he was going no it. Yeah, I wouldn't let it go. That might have been an overreaction by us. We thought it was crazy that he was going no headphones. But it still might have been an overreaction, because he is the man. But also, we just need something to chew on. We didn't know we had bigger poop-related things coming down the pipe. Right, we sensed it. It was like a little rain before a hurt.

This is something. I will say, I think that we should release some of the uncut footage. I think there should be shit that got cut out that we should just make a video and put that out. Is there anything that can make Billy look even worse? Yes. Yeah, probably.

Probably, but one night we went to the mansion and it was me and Smitty and Smitty just kept on being like I have I have a kid and I got a wife he's like this is a vacation

this is vacation for me tonight like being at this house and Smitty took like one hit of a joint and drank one beer and was just like out of this world out of this world

it was awesome me and Smitty like played pool for like three hours while he was just like I thought you said it meant he Smitty like played pool for like three hours while he was just like. I thought you said it meant he was going to like, he just crashed. Oh no, he was, he was a maniac. He was having the time of his life. It was amazing.

He cut loose. It was amazing. I think they said that at the camp too, like Vibs might have had some weed and Smitty would always just take one hit. Oh yeah. Just have a whiskey and just be off his ass. Yeah. It's awesome.

It's a dream, dude. Like I don't think drinking a ton of beers, having to do a ton of shit to get fucked up is sweet. I think being a two-beer queer, for lack of a better term, is real sweet. You can say that. You're allowed to say that. It's awesome to be. I'm exalting

that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a positive thing. I think it's a super positive thing. But Tass, dude, you were right there. Tommy. Speech killed. Speech played. Where did you print out that paper from though? You were in the woods.

I had it on my phone. I had it on my phone and they were like, you know, you can't bring your phone. And I was like, oh, okay, well then what am I

going to do because I need this? And then they, one of the producer assistant people went and printed it out like in like 10 seconds. I was like,

where the fuck did you, like, we were in the middle of the woods and all of a sudden he just has it. Dude, the whole game I was fucking with people who were part of the game too. I would just pull aside Tommy or Smitty and whisper to them and be like, don't go to bed before midnight. There was no challenge or nothing, and I would just text Tommy at 11.58, just like, run. Yeah, there's no I mean there's never been a better host in terms of like

everything that you are as a person yeah bad a bad that's I guess that's how you could umbrella evil like pure evil it was Rone was truly enjoying and relishing all their pain and you were so nervous Jordan almost drowned and you were just

kind of like oh you should have oh, you should have seen that. You should have seen that in real time. They were like, someone get a fucking camera on her as she's being carried away. They're like, get a camera on Jordan. I was like that. Yeah, Rome was. They were like, we should film this. I was like, this is the best moment of the show. It was like silence on the

set and Rome's like, get a fucking camera on her. Yes, that's good editing. Yeah, good producing. You need to have that moment. I, that's good editing. Yeah, good producing. You need to have that moment. I wish we had an ambulance. Like, imagine in the trailer, you see someone getting loaded into an ambulance. That's fucking crack.

I wish the Billy thing, too. I wish that was in it. That's like the best previews for a reality show. Like The Bachelor? A chair being thrown in an ambulance. A drink or some shit like that. Someone's got to throw drinks, dude. Throwing drinks is such a sweet reality move.

Yeah. I remember when New York did it to Chance. Oh, yeah. What was that? Big Brother 2, some Irish dude. I just saw a clip of some Irish dude throwing a, I don't know, dude, drink throwing sweet. What was the fucking reality show? It's a real, or Mr. Boston.

You were saying, too, Tommy and Billy going at each other was like a surprising like how real it got like that wasn't fake. I felt like that was not just a that was definitely real. That felt real.

It kept on saying outside the show though like I hate you outside the show. Which is the best insult you can give someone on a show. It'd be tough to hate him in the show

since he was on one episode. I hate you outside of this. In real life I don't like you. Brianna and Jordan had a fucking back and forth that was real as fucking the second or third episode. Really? Yeah, they were fucking snapping at each other.

That shit made me so uncomfortable. The big reactions always made me uncomfortable. That's what you need. I mean, Billy's basically getting outfled by Tommy. He did. Was the highlight of the show last night and when Billy

threw his bandana into the fire after he got eliminated I was like is he about to just go like completely rogue like I don't know what's gonna happen

flipping the set yeah it's a fake like it's like one of those like gas fires and Billy's just throwing shit into it

yeah oh fuck well great show great production Tommy retired did he not yeah he'll be ass fires and Billy's just throwing shit into it. Oh, fuck. Well, great show. Great production. Tommy retired, did he not? Yeah, he'll be back. Oh, he said that. Yeah, he'll be back.

Jay-Z retired. He said if there was some sort of new show he would consider doing it, but he doesn't want to do the same one again. Yeah, he'll be back. I'm sure there will be new shows. He'll be back. But if he gets $10,000 every time he does a show, it seems like he should probably- Yeah, this one was $25,000.

$25,000, excuse me. Would any of yous ever do a wilderness show like that? Now that I saw the bug stuff, honestly, no. I hate bugs. I'm cool with snakes even, but I don't think I would have done the cockroaches either. The cockroaches weren't bad. The snakes were fucking... I was watching the whole thing, and I was like, I could do all this.

I'm crazy. I could handle it. No, the water bug. I could handle all of it. That was too much. Just put it in your mouth and just go. I ate the all this. I could handle it. No, the water bug. I could handle all of it. That was too much. Just put it in your mouth and just go. I ate the scorpion. I would much rather do that than have that show that y'all were on where I was just staying

in the office for eight days. Which is happening. That's starting. Yeah. Soon. I know we were allowed to say that. Oh, hell yeah. This cast is wild.

Nancy said it on Pick Central. Oh, of course Nancy said it. Yeah, no, I think it'd been... King. Asked if I wanted to do it, and I was so torn. I was like, can I bring my son and let him live in the office? Oh, my God. I almost did it.

And then I was like, people might think that's a little irresponsible. So what's crazy about the cast? You just pitied people to get you all the way to the top. Like, oh, my son is right here. I'm going to kick out my... Like, hold him in their face when they're trying to make an elimination.

It is a wild cast, though. I'll say that. We're not allowed to say anything else. We're not allowed to say anything else. We'll wait until Mincy announces it. Yeah, Mincy will now. He's out next week. Well, Mincy said that they asked him to do it,

and then he said, well, he's got some schedule conflicts. A couple fish shows. He has, it was, I actually don't, Hank asked him to do it like a couple months ago, and Minty was like, oh, I can't do it. I have a funeral.

Yeah, that's right. And I still am very confused. Is that real? Yeah. Thought he was planning a fractured spine. 100% real. He was like, I have a funeral that Sunday. What if he murders someone this week?

Yeah. And he really called it. I don't know. Maybe it's a memorial service or something. I guess that would make sense. But it's just a very funny thing to be like, oh, I can't do that in two months. I have a funeral. I think the sleeping in the office is objectively worse than the woods.

I would agree with that. That would suck. That would fluorescent light. Wholeheartedly. That would suck. You with the mattress sleeping by the lake, that looked incredible. That did look great. That was... So they brought... There was the mattress that by the lake, that looked incredible. That did look great. That was, so they brought, there was like the mattress that we used in like the shoots

like where like Tommy jumped on and stuff. Somehow it ended up at the like where we were for the party at the lake and everyone was going to bed and like the sun was coming up and I just like threw the mattress. I moved, I was actually aiming to get it onto the dock in like the background of the photo, but I like gave up up halfway through and just passed out there. It was awesome. About to float him out there like the parent trap.

Yeah. I did wake up, though, and my eyes were swollen shut from all the pollen. That sucked. Oh, boy. I think I... Oh, you guys want some cheesesteaks? Yes. For my cheesesteak.

KB, would you ever do a wilderness show, bro? I wouldn't want to. If it wasn't bug eating, I definitely would do it. I would, yeah. I feel like you'd be able to do all that shit, or like all kinds of shit. Check out part of my channel. It was at a quarter last place. 200 locations nationwide.

Yeah, anything, none of, I'm bad with eating the gross shit. Yeah, you won't eat the bugs? No, if the camera's on, I'm gonna fucking... Yeah, Jack McGuire... Oh, yeah. He's like, I'm pretty sure this is the first time that... This is the first sign that, like, someone in the government has bought Barstool.

It's like a feeler that they're sending out. It was like, if you noticed, like, they were eating bugs, and then... And then they brought out the smoothie, and Tommy was like, oh, that wasn't that bad. It's like when Burger King releases a limited- product in indianapolis or something like that so they're just they're they're trying to take yeah they're trying to get to to like middle america being like hey the bugs they weren't and tommy juice you want a couple critters on top of that tommy's definitely if there's proof that this is rigged tommy was definitely in their

pocket because he's always eating the bugs and always being like, that's actually really good. Like he's paid by Big Bug. Yep. Yeah. Facts. The brain from fucking Starship Troopers is just fucking funding Tommy. Were there tits in that movie? Oh, yeah.

Some of my first. I like vaguely, yeah. I feel like, when was that movie out? 99? Yeah. I remember being like, ooh, tits. Dude, I was such a puritanical person that showed their titties died. Really?

Let that be a lesson. In the movie? Yeah. In real life. I think she's still kicking them real nice. Okay. I remember I was sitting Shiva at one of my Jewish friends' house, and that movie was on downstairs with the little kids, and I knew it was wrong.

Me and my sister knew it was wrong that there were titties on the screen, so she blocked the screen from the other kids. Really? It was a fucking riot, dude. You were sitting what? Sitting Shiva. Wait, what? Your sister blocked it? Blocked the titties. They weren't big titties. They were athletic titties. I watched He Got Game with my grandparents. Those are titties.

I was like 12 years old. That was weird. Really? Yeah. Those are real porn stars. Yeah, those are real porn stars. He got game? Are there titties in Gremlins? No, those titties in Revenge of the Nerds. Those are Gremlins. Those are Gremlins, I think.

Revenge of the Nerds is literally date rape. Yeah, we were talking. There's a lot of movies that just did not age well. Yeah. I don't even think it's date rape. It's just rape. It's rape. It's rape. Yeah, straight up.

She didn't know she was on a date with him? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. That's right. That's just straight up rape I watched Flight Is that a movie? Denzel There's titties in that as well

I watched that when I was in 5th grade with my buddy and his entire family It was like the most uncomfortable I've ever been I think that like everyone has 3 or 4 movies that they shouldn't have watched at a certain age and it completely shapes their entire life like the two the two for me are uh speed i watched speed when i was like maybe nine

or ten and then i watched it the actual oh no sorry witches witches and it i watched both of those when i was way too young yeah and it like fucked me up yeah what uh what about speed fucked you up? It was just a lot of explosions and shit. It wasn't more fucked up. It was more, that one was more like, I like explosions.

Yeah, it opened up your mind to what the world was. You knew your life was going to be awesome once you watched Speed. Correct. I was like, twists and turns.

I like action and like not great plots. It made you want to be a mastermind. Yeah, right, right. You were like, what do you mean not great plots?

Speed had the best plot in the history of movies. The history of movies? They had to drive around a 50-mile-an-hour in a bus in city streets. I also remember being like, this seems not plausible. They jumped an 85-foot hole in the interstate in a bus. I remember being like, oh, this is kind of silly, but I love it. That bus would have gone right off. I don't like those type of movies

because my only emotion during the whole thing is that I want them to be safe. What do you mean? Like, I hope they have a good... Completely negate all the good scenes. Yeah, but that's the plot of the movie, to get them to safety. What?

That's the plot of the movie, to get them to safety. It's the entire... I'm just rooting for people to... I want the movie to be as boring as possible. Right. You just want them to be on a city bus. Just riding around making normal stops. I read the synopsis of every movie I'm about to see.

I do that as well. Yeah, I do the same thing. What? I want to know the end before I watch a movie. You guys are crazy. I always do. Oh my God, what are you... I read the last page of every book I read.

I do too. I will read about 100 pages. Hold on. And I'll skip to the end. Do the same thing. Hold on. Do you guys spoil movies? Some.

I love it. Every single time. I don't want to sit there for two hours in suspense. I kind of want to know. This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. When I watch a movie that has a suspenseful twist that I didn't see coming, I actually get upset. It's like I can never feel this again.

I want to watch this movie again. I'm watching this show on Netflix alone. It's like these bushcraft survivalists that have to last. I looked up who won, and now I'm watching it. That's so weird. That is so weird. The alpinist, before I started watching it, I Googled to see if he was alive or dead.

I think humans inherently want to be in on something. We like the feeling of understanding. I like the ride. I love the ride. I like the ride. Both have benefits. I've got a car. I can take my own ride.

It doesn't have to be a movie with a crazy twist. Try it with just a regular movie or show no but I'd love like there's no better feeling than watching a movie that makes you either surprised

or feel something and you afterwards I actually get a little remorseful like I can't experience that again for the first time I don't know

I would never want to ruin that I thought I was in one with the book oh no I always read the end of a book maybe Brandon oh he doesn't like gambling he doesn't like gambling gambling brain I would never want to ruin that. I thought I was the only one with a book. Oh, no, I always read the end of a book. Maybe. Brandon, oh, he doesn't like gambling.

He doesn't like gambling. Gambling brain. That's right. I did this on a book the other day. I bought a John Grisham book, and I read the first 70 pages, and then I flipped to the end to see what happened. Books are really different. That's too big of a time suck.

No, no, no. I still enjoy it. Skim read. I don't get it, dude. I kind of reverse engineer the book. I see what happens to him, and then I see how we get there. Even Steven thinks you're bizarre and he's the most bizarre person I know. I would never, like, a movie I've had, I've had times where like I'll pause it and I'll

like kind of, you know, you can scroll the thing and see what's coming. I don't even do that. Fuck that. I also stopped doing that because I started watching movies on a TV, which made me stop doing that. Old school. Expensive. Yeah. Old school style Expensive. Yeah.

Old school style. I mean, a book. What's the point of even reading the book? What was that huge series that everybody loved? The plane crashed on the island and they lost. Pat tried to get me to watch it and after 15 minutes, I was like, I just Googled. I was like, sorry, I just Googled the whole thing. I can't sit through this.

I need to know. I love show specific wikis and I can look and see if the characters are living or dead. It's awesome. You guys are freaks. I feel legitimately freaked. Before I watched Lost, I watched a YouTube compilation of all the deaths. Right, yeah. See?

I did my research. I couldn't sit there. I had to. Outrageous. Big Cat's played Devil's Advocate, and I do agree with you. I don't like it getting spoiled, but for something that's like a quick thing like the NFL draft, do you go on Twitter, or do you wait for it to be announced? Because it's the same thing, really.

So Stephen Chay to be like, we're talking about movies, and he's like, what about the NFL draft, do you go on Twitter or do you wait for it to be announced? Because it's the same thing, really. So Stephen Chay to be like, we're talking about movies and he's like, what about the NFL draft? It's a spoiler to something that's about to... If I did not have the job... That's news. It's finding out, though. It doesn't matter really how you find out. No, that's not the same thing.

That's real life. That's news. It's exactly the same thing. But there's like no buildup or plot. Movies and books are designed to have a suspense. You're sitting there and you're waiting to find out the pic. You just go on Twitter and find out the pic. That's not really spoiling anything.

That's the exact same thing. No, it's not. It's news. Yes, I want to know the news as fast as possible. You're looking up the ending. This hasn't been written, Stephen Chay. This hasn't been performed. This hasn't been acted. Steven, Jay, this hasn't been performed. This hasn't been real life.

This is real life. Yeah. But you can, you can, you can go find out the ending just by using, or you can just find out then when it happens. Yeah. In which case,

if I didn't have this job, I would like, I would probably turn off my phone on a computer and just absorb. They're not even close. The same thing. They're not the same thing. It's news. I think they're exactly the same thing,

but okay. News in a movie. We're talking about something that's been packaged as a story, as something that unfolds, and we're talking about a draft, which is just, I want to know who the seventh pick is. As soon as, whoever tells me, it doesn't matter. Right. Well, I guess if you're like researching

and like looking at it beforehand, you have all these theories about who's going to go where, then it kind of is that way. This is very hyper-specific to you. Yes. Alright, well, I thought everyone was like that, but I guess the chef reverse is what this is. You thought everyone consumes the draft and studies it a little bit?

Not maybe to the level, but I feel like people do. Do you think most people consume it at 5% of the level that you do? Yeah. That might be a stretch. You are the outlier of outliers on the NFL draft. Your brain just works in such fascinating ways. Mysterious ways.

But I'm on your side. I would prefer to... TJ, what side are you on? Because we're 4-4 right now. Oh, fuck. We are 4-4. Sass, Roan, myself, and Steven are... I thought we were...

I'm just saying i've done this before it makes it a different type of enjoyable no if it's a very suspenseful movie that just came out you'll watch it raw dog it yeah i hate the feeling of suspense yeah i do too i love the love especially when it's not at your when it's not like at your expense at your expense yeah right it's it's all make-believe. I don't think it's a good emotion. I could spend an hour and a half waiting to see what happens to Sky or go see now. It's emotional edging.

Well, it distracts you from everything else and you're completely locked in. The aftermath is a good feeling. Why don't you just simulate your Madden games then, Brandon? Not the same thing. I don't know how it's different. Steven's world is kind of the same thing. It's kind of the question of like if you could be told right now

when and how you're going to die would you want to know? Yes. I would for sure. Definitely not. What? No. What?

I would 100% want to know. No, absolutely not. You cannot draw a comparison. What? I would love to know. I would love to know. Brandon, if I. You cannot draw a comparison. What? I would love to know. I would love to know. You'd want to know? Brandon, if I told you right now, how old are you, 47?

You would not want to know. How old are you, 47? Come on. I said come on once. Don't say it again. Don't repeat the answer. 49? Brandon's telling everyone he's 37.

I'm 37. How old are you, 42? 43. 43. If someone walked in here and it was like It was actually like a place you can go And it's well known that this person knows Definitively

And they're like, Brandon Walker You're going to die when you're 57 You're going to get hit by a bus And there's nothing wrong with the rest of my life The answer's bad, I'm not going to Well no, but you don't know what the answer is It's how you're dying, It's going to be bad. Bus filled with butter.

Yeah. Right. It's going to be. Getting hit by a bus wouldn't even be a bad way to die. Yeah, it would. Right. Lights out instantly.

Yeah, if it's a quick death. Maybe. You hope. Yeah, you don't know that. Wouldn't be a great way to die. I would be, if someone was like, hey, you're going to die

in 15 years getting hit by a bus, I'd be like, all right. I'd be miserable. Jumping off a building. What? I feel like I would start amping shit up. I'd start doing some cool shit. It would not.

It alters the trajectory of your life so much. You'd go skydiving, rock and consume all of your thoughts. All of your thoughts. Every thought you had would be like. Maybe at that last year. Oh, no, dude. No. You had two years to live right now, definitively?

Two years is a lot different than 15. No, but you just said maybe in that last year I could keep doing this. If you had five years. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. I'd be pissed if it was five. Every time you do something funny, you'd be like, but I'm going to die soon. There's nothing you can do about it.

The intensity mentality is that three votes. Being like, 15 more years? I'm pretty happy with that. So, Brandon, now that you know that you can be told. 15 years guaranteed is a pretty good deal. No, you're 25. That's not the worst. You don't have to worry about anything.

You don't have to worry about any health things or anything. You wouldn't make it to Brandon. Start smoking. I'd start chainsawing. Oh, you would definitely convince yourself that you're going to die earlier. Cat, how old are you? Wow. 37. That's a sass. You wouldn't make it to Brandon. Start smoking. I'd start chains. Oh, you would definitely convince yourself that you're going to die earlier. How old are you? 37. That's a sass. You wouldn't make it to my age. You wouldn't make it to what Big Cat is.

Look at me. I'm thriving. I'm a young king. Yeah, but he'd be in a blaze of glory. You'd probably peak. I would freak out if I knew the date. I'm just planning for a certain day anyway. You wanted the answer, but you wanted to be a good answer. You wanted to be like, oh, you'll die

in your sleep when you're 85. Of course, that's fine. That would be great. I'd sign up for that today. The cool part about knowing your death date would like, you wouldn't sleep in anywhere. You'd probably try and take advantage of the life of the force. I feel like that's

a lot of people's biggest regret. It's like, oh, I wish I didn't waste like that's, I feel like that's a lot of people's like biggest regret. It's like, oh, I wish I didn't waste so much time. Whereas if you did know the expiration date, you would be depressed. You would have no reason to live and you would sleep in. Oh, no way. Oh, I don't want to have kids. I'm dying. Yeah, I don't want them to go through this.

I already got kids. No way. If there's an expiration date, I'm going balls to the wall enjoying it. What would you do right now if I told you you're going to die in five years? In five years? I'd probably look at my money a lot differently and be like, alright, let's get our rocks off in five years. There's no way you would do that with two kids. Then when you're gone

they just don't have any money? No, you wouldn't. Yeah, I would. If I know I'm going to die. But then when you're gone they don't have any money. Not spend at all, but I mean I definitely spend more than I am now. On what? You don't even pay your car payment, though. It's true. I set it up weekly.

Imagine still having to do stuff you don't like, knowing that you're dying. Right. Yeah, I wouldn't do a lot of that stuff. You would still have to. You'd have to make money somehow. Like yard work. Go into work. Hard pass.

Don't worry about it. Bigger things. You only do yard work because you don't think you're going to die soon? Your house would be miserable if you didn't do yard work. You would still have to do yard work. And also, what would you do instead of yard work because you don't think you're going to die soon? Your house would be miserable if you didn't do yard work. You would still have to do yard work. And also, what would you do instead of yard work? Just nothing? Just do something that's like living life to the fullest.

Like what? I don't know. Maybe take scuba lessons. Maybe skydive. I don't know. Wave hunter stuff. Just take scuba lessons. That's something you could do.

Jay, you're going to die. Not soon. You don't know. Take scuba lessons. You don't want to do scuba lessons because if you did, you could do. Jay, you're going to die. Not soon. You don't know. Take scuba lessons. You don't want to do scuba lessons because if you did, you would do that. Correct. Well, yeah, they're not at the top of my priority list, but if I knew what an exploration did, I want to live life a little bit more in the fast lane.

No good would come from it. The scuba lessons are the fast lane? Yeah. I take the lessons, not just... Scuba this guy lives hardcore he's you know the

the YMCA pool yeah right he's in the deep end it's a 10 foot pool he's just floating around picking up rings probably play World Series of Poker

probably do that's the wildest move you can't do that not really like fiscally that doesn't make sense wait I'll become Ben

I'll fucking I'll pay yeah I'll pay for it if'll fucking. You all pay. Yeah, I'll pay for it. If you actually are good at poker, which. Should that be what our slush fund is on? We all make our bucket list. There's no chance he's good at poker.

Holy shit. What if our slush fund is we all enter the World Series of Poker? Oh. We do have to auction something off later on today. We can add to our slushy. That would actually be incredible. What if we all get scuba lessons? If we all entered statistically speaking, one of us

is going to win it all. One of us has to win. Buying ten lottery tickets. Hey, you've never showed interest in poker. I'm still on this. Yeah, well, or scuba. Or scuba. The idea of dying wishes. The idea of dying and then taking a class. Having an instructor tell you

the rules. Yeah. Like imagine dying being mad at something. Everyone's least favorite thing. Fast Lane to Stephen Che is like, is rising too quickly in the 10 foot pool. Oh, I might have the bends. He's asking the instructor, do I have the bends? He's like, it's fucking 10 foot pool.

I mean, you got five years, not five minutes. Just imagining a dude in a scuba lessons class just like happy as fuck. Also just Stephen, the idea idea of Steven raking leaves and being like, I wish I was fucking scuba. Yeah. I should be in the water right now. Fuck. When you get to 80 years old, then you can start doing yard work

and finally take some scuba lessons in your final five. Unreal. Unreal. PFL night. Yep. Rowan, you're going. Yeah, who should I bet on? Read it.

Read it. Anthony Pettis. I'm going to watch it. Showtime, Anthony Pettis. He's a Milwaukee boy. I'm going to. He's tough. He's got nice cauliflower ears.

I don't have anything to do. My family's not here. We had no kids. Went to a Yankees game the other day. I'm going to the PFL tonight. Let's do some mezcal. What's that? You're over mezcal. Drink family's not here. We had no kids. Went to a Yankees game the other day. I'm going to the PFL tonight. Let's do some mezcal. What's that? You're over mezcal.

Drink. It's tequila. It's not. PFL playoffs begin live tonight, August 5th, from Hulu Theater at Madison Square Garden. Fighters must win or go home to continue in the $1 million journey to the PFL World Championship. Tonight, Anthony's Showtime Pettis takes center stage

in a guaranteed fireworks rematch versus Stevie Ray. And they also have lightweight and light heavyweight division semifinals and qualifying matches for the 2023 PFL season roster. The action begins live tonight at 6pm Eastern on ESPN+. Continues with the main card at 7pm

Eastern on ESPN and ESPN+. If I'm in the background on television, I'll pretend to suck a penis. Really? Yes. Do you know who else is going to be there? There. You know who's going to be there? Liver King. Oh, yes. Is that who you were just with, King? Yes. He went on PMT today. Oh, really? I ate some

raw liver. How do you feel? It wasn't bad. Really? Yeah. What is liver? It's in your body. Liver. It sorts your booze out. It sifts it out of your... Yeah, takes care of the toxins. Get out, right?

What makes it into pate? The texture. Just grind it. And how about liver mousse? Is that just whipped? So it's just served in different ways? Yeah, I guess so. It's really happy.

Look at him. No phone to the bedroom. That's how he gets happy. I got in this morning and went back to the bagel area. And first, I don't mean this in a mean way, but you can smell the guy a little bit. Oh. He's got a bit of a musk. A lot.

Really? Oh, he doesn't wear deodorant. And then I look at the fridge and there's just a shirtless man in the fridge yelling. And I was like, what is going on right now? And lo and behold, it was Liver King. No way. I think he should- He looks photoshopped in that.

Wait, go back. He should wear deodorant. Why would he wear deodorant? That's not a real... That looks photoshopped. Yeah, they can look small, eh? Yeah, you do. You'd pound them.

His reckless... Is he on steroids? Nope, he denied any... DJ or... Okay. He eats so much protein. He crushes protein. Have you ever gone to his TikTok?

Yeah. I actually liked him. I thought he was going to be... Maybe, what do you think? Steroids? Yeah. Yeah. 100%. liked him. I thought he was going to be... Maybe what do you think? Steroids? Yeah. Yeah. 100%.

I mean, yeah, 100%. I thought he was going to be like totally crazy because I... Like any fitness influencer or anyone who's trying to do

the like Gary Vee shit, if they don't have any like real... Like we're like, do you have any days where you eat shit? He's like, yeah, I eat like cheat day on Saturday of the hiccups

He's like he makes like crazy burgers on his shit, too Like he may eat stuff that it's like attainable It doesn't eat terrible, but I think he just eats in pure volume just crazy amounts of volume It's probably steroids probably steroids. He says it's true. He's got a little bit of a steroid gut It was very nice though and And his family was super nice. They were all just really... Oh, he brought the kids with him? They all shirtless, too?

They were lovely. He brought the whole tribe? The whole wild, pornberry stop motion? Hell yeah. Yeah, super barbarian walk. He's nuts. Like Wallace and Gromit. Yeah, that walk he did was like...

It was 20-pound ankle weights, I think 70 pounds in his backpack and then a sled 150 pounds he's a beast i mean his abs are just so wide they're so wide bodied look at that you're a fucking monster i like that's just discipline bro looks like it i didn't know anything about him and i i went in skeptical being being like he's going to just be crazy and be like, oh, you got to just fucking deadlift every day and eat a whole cow. And he was some of that, but there was other stuff. Is he 10X?

I would say he's 100X. Wow. That's the discipline KB doesn't have. KB's just going to common ground, fucking sucking down bottles. More so now that I'm in deep into the fitness and bodybuilding influencer game. doesn't have kb's just going to common ground fucking sucking down bottles oh yeah it's more so now that i'm in deep into the like the fitness and bodybuilding influencer game why it's just a sad life they're all carbon copies of each other no your body can only get so nice so they all have the same nice bodies they're always doing the same workouts you're not workouts it's just an

update it's just a loop a continuous loop of the same thing. But don't you think, and I've always wondered this because I've never had this feeling of like, if you wake up and you're like jacked and like really strong, you probably just feel good. Like it's a privilege to take your shirt off. Right. And it's just like you wake up and you have energy. I haven't woken up with energy in years.

It's definitely true. Yeah. I always. Oh, yeah. It makes you feel worlds better. I would imagine. That part is alluring to me. Imagine just waking up and

not having these extra pieces attached to you. This extra fucking piece of skin. I hate walking past buildings that have the very reflective glass. What's going on here? Please, please, come on in. We got Kim.

This liver blood. What is this? What is this? Oh, this is a grapefruit drink. No, no, no. It's jalapeno watermelon lemonade. Oh. Oh, what?

Jalapeno watermelon lemonade. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you so much. That's the right one. That's fun. You want to get the good one?

She spit in one of them, I can tell. Kim always spits in one. Did you spit in one? Did somebody take the spit one yet? Oh, I took the spit one on purpose. I knew which one she would spit. Oh, this is good. I like her spit.

Hey, thank you so much. I'm enjoying this little Friday tradition. Thank you very much. Oh, my God. Congrats on the rebrand as well. This is a tradition? I haven't been here in a couple of Fridays. Yeah, she's been bringing these in every Friday.

Mother knows best. Yeah, I haven't been here for like four Fridays in a row. This is great. Awesome. This is a delight. Next week, I'm not going to be here all week except for Friday. Thank you, Kim. Thank you.

What does it taste like? What's forward? I think it's jalapeno watermelon. It does taste like a garden, an entire garden in your mouth. It's fresh. It does. It's sweet enough. It's not too natural.

It's sweet. Something wrong, Brandon. Uh-oh, Brandon. Uh-oh, Brandon. Is yours too spicy? No. I hate watermelon. What?

What? Watermelon's my least favorite food. Em, come back. Watermelon? You tell her. Why are you drinking? Who doesn't like watermelon? I don't like watermelon.

Didn't you send Dave like $1,000? It was $208 to ship those watermelons to him. I don't like watermelons. Sweet water. How do you not like watermelon?

Because I don't like watermelon. All right? I don't fucking like watermelon. I don't eat them nuts. But I don't mind the flavor in a drink. I think it's a perfect infusion. I think it's the best flavor

next to blue raspberry. You're like you're like God made like a sick joke in Queen of Walker. Like a man from the south who can't be in the sun, doesn't like spicy food, and hates watermelon. That's true.

What? Those are all. What do you like? God was just fucking up. Yeah, he was like, fuck this guy. You have to like Mississippi State. What do you like about the sun? He reads the flag. The colors and to fuck him over. What do you like about the South? Any reeds? I love the South. What's the flag? The colors and the shape of it.

What do you love about the South? History. Because you were there for a month. You came crawling back. No, I didn't. I love the fishing and the people and the food. I don't like watermelon. Or the sun.

I hate the sun. It's hot there. Where do you fish? At an indoor pool? I wait until it gets shady. I don't go outside until like 6 o'clock. Steven, you've got to tread water. We've got to get you to tread water again.

I kind of fucked up because I had a pool for an entire month and I didn't get you there. We did it at the Super Bowl. Oh, yeah. Did you not? Not really. We weren't able to do it then. I did it longer than your bitch ass. I was wearing ankle weights.

Whoa. I was wearing ankle weights. Oh, yeah. I forgot I was trying ankle weights I was wearing ankle weights oh yeah I forgot I was trying to get Brandon to drown dude this is such a good drink last Friday we suggested that

Kim sometime host a soiree for us something like that some type of I had been watching a lot of Southern Charm at the time

so it was really just fresh on my mind us being able to wear some vineyard vines and polos and shit like that and make small talk conversation, get drunk, and then accuse each other of being racist or whatever they do on that show.

It does taste like a garden. In a good way, dude. We should have one of those manners people come in. Help. Castilian. Yeah. I think we got to go on a trip. We talk about a trip every year.

Where are we going on a trip? We do have to go on a trip. I know, I trip every year. Where are we going on a trip? We do have to go on a trip. I know. I just think it's time. Yeah. Go somewhere worth it. Go to a beach house. I'm thinking a beach house because when we were out in Venice, that shit was amazing.

Yeah. We were there for like 30 minutes, but it was beautiful. Cass and Tommy were like, we're moving here. Yeah. Yeah. We're moving our life out there. Our stool LA. But it was awesome.

Yeah. If you don't live there. Right. Like the Outer Banks or something like that. Ooh. Barstool LA. But it was awesome. Yeah. If you don't live there. Right. Like the Outer Banks or something like that. Ooh. That could be fun. A lot of sharks there. Oh, what's this?

Oh, incense. Oh, yeah. We looked at Airbnbs a couple episodes ago when you guys weren't here. This one's like 20 minutes from Knoxville. It's $8.50 a night. That's pretty cheap. We can bring that. It's funny, too, that we keep saying this.

I'm like, What would we do? We'd just go there and just chill. We would just chill and do the act from there. Around a college football game in Knoxville or something. Yeah, but I need a hook. As a man with children. Ride RVs. As a man with children, I need something to say.

I'd be like, hey, I'm just going to hang out in a house. Let's do some sort of contest Where we pick like five cities And then they vote Where we'll do a live show But they're nice cities But this show's not live And we're just in a cabin somewhere Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah And it could actually be anywhere We don't actually have to go To that city Right We just green screen it Yeah The best four Airbnbs are

Maybe we just do a staycation. I think we should. Maybe we just get a fucking huge place in New York City for one night. No. Another staycation. Just come over to my house, everyone. I'll drill burn it. Yeah. That's fine. That'd be real nice. Yeah, we'll go play on the Nets court.

I think we go out to Montana. Let's stay at a ranch. These all sound great, mind you. I'm not saying that I just, again, I need a hook. Can I say I would like to see you all on horses. Ooh. I love horses. I feel like there's potential there.

Brian's afraid of horses. Oh my God. Are you serious? Why is it all circling back to me today? No. Because you have a phobia of every fucking thing. No, I don't. I do not. I don't. I do not.

I don't like horses and balloons. That's it. What? I can do snakes. I can do spiders. I hate horses and balloons. That's all. Why do you hate horses?

Horses are actually- They're gigantic animals. I don't like when people say they're beautiful. Yeah. Or not. They're monsters. They're beautiful. Fucking monsters.

I think they're beautiful. But they are very- They're aggressive. They're not like- All you got to get get one that's aggressive. He will fuck you up. Yeah, I had. I rode on one.

I rode a horse last year, actually, almost exactly today in Wyoming. Wow. And it was, like, putting its ears back and, like, bumping into all the other horses. And she was like, the girl was like, yeah, that one's really aggressive. Horses match your energy. Fasoli flew a drone too close to me riding a horse. And it, like, yeah, that one's really aggressive. Horses match your energy. Fasoli threw a drone too close to me riding a horse, and it like ran, and I got scared as fuck because

I'm on the back of it, and he was just laughing. Fasoli's a monster, though, dude. He couldn't even read the room. Oh. But I think horses are completely dependent on your energy. Yes. They'll often bring their own energy.

That's why I want to see you each on a horse. I feel like it would be very telling. Of what your horse energy is like. Yeah, what the horse energy is like. So, I don't know how that happens. I was such a pussy when I rode horses. You? Yeah.

No. They were like, we like, what is it? It's like trotting. Pantering, galloping. Galloping. Versage. Everyone, like, there was like a group of people. I went in like a group and like Pantering, galloping, galloping. Everyone, like, there was, like, a group of people. I went in, like, a group, and, like, everyone did the galloping, and I didn't.

And they were like, all right, like, go aside. Just sticking to Christopher Reeves the whole time? Yeah. Yeah. Superman. Dude, I was not going to gallop. Why? Shit is horrifying.

That's when the horse is getting up off of all fours. All right, what about a jet ski tour in New York? Yeah. Where just all on jet river because that is a thing there's a place that just did you see that huge like the 1000 jet skis that just went down the east river it's like jet ski fest or something oh it looks like water world it just happened like a few weeks ago but it's like it's like a thousand everybody who has a jet ski in new york city gets together at the same time and like just goes down the river together. I'm in on that. Crazy.

Jet skis are dope. You get catamaran. I'd love to get a pontoon with you boys. I love pontoons so much. That's my financial life. You don't like a pontoon? I don't love it. No, no.

I'll fuck myself. Yeah, I think that you should. Everybody else is like, we'll go to fucking Montana. And I, yes, and them. But you say a pontoon down the block. I'm like, nah. That sounds dumb as hell. There's an aerial view of this, the one this year, that was like crazy.

It's just, yeah. Look at the way. I know. It's nuts. We should make Donnie swim across during this next year. Yes. Fuck. I can't believe he did that.

There it is. And the wheel gets to determine who drives and who sits on the back and holds on. Sitting on the back is such a bitch made. I would rather just not be on it. Yeah, for sure. The whole fun part is having control over it. Exactly. It's very nerve wracking when you don't.

I'm going to get a jet ski. Maybe we should just buy a jet ski. Yeah. What do you mean by we? Yeah. A slush fund. Oh. Just sit it right there in the... Indoor jet ski. What do you mean by we? A slush fund. Oh. Just sit it right there in the...

Indoor jet ski. What's our auction item today? Oh, yeah. You want to auction real quick? Yeah, we could auction. We have a painting from Alejandro, the armless painter, sent this to us a while ago. It is the... Okay, so go on whatnot right now.

We'll auction it off. It is the Family Feud board of Name Something Women Do that starts with the letter C. And that was when we were in our family feud stage. The technique is crazy. Yeah. I hope we get back in the family feud stage just for like a day. Is this abstract cubism or bad?

It's not bad. Oh, no, no. Well, it's good for an armless painter. Right, right. It's a perfect joke gift for your wife. That's right. Well, it's good for an armless painter. Right, right. It's a perfect joke gift for your wife. That's right. Yeah, it actually. This would be a very silly.

Be nice right in the kitchen. Right above the oven. More gay men. Some women-phobic gay men. Great guy. Well, here comes Aria with the. What not? What not cam.

Go to what not right now. This is actually a great opportunity to buy something. Probably on a discount because there's not a ton of people. Like our auction day. Link's in the chat. Link's in the chat. Link is in the chat. Let's go.

In a few minutes. And this is to get us closer to our goals. This is you investing in the show. Not only are you investing in the show, but you're getting something. Like NPR could fucking never, dude. Yeah, you'd get a tote bag. We could possibly get a tote bag. TJ, zoom in on the painting so we can see the strokes.

This is way better than a tote bag. Down a little bit. Why do they think that we need a tote bag? Go down so you can see. Look at the strokes, bro. You idiot, TJ. Check out the strokes. Oh, this ass.

Fucking TJ. TJ, you just got come on. Yo, TJ, bro. Fuck yeah. I genuinely considered pulling my cock out. I wish you had. I've been so fucked. First time you guys all saw my dick.

First time. Some of us a third. But us getting, the show getting ripped off of YouTube, us having to start from scratch. So worth it. Zero followers. For that joke, it would have been worth it. Yeah.

Would you have been mad at me, Big Cat? Oh, honestly, that would have been so fucking funny. God damn it. There was some damage control. I wish I could have beat off. Please subscribe, by the way. We're getting close. 100,000 is right there.

We got another case race coming up when we hit 100K. That's right. Is that true? No. Is everyone here next week? Yeah, case race next Monday. Beginning of the week. I think Thursday, Friday I'm out.

You're out? Shit. And then the week after that I'm also out. Fuck. Nick. Oh, look at out. Fuck. Nick. Oh, look at him. Look at Nick. Nick, handsome as ever.

Amboy Nick. This shit is one of one. One of one. I would hope so. It's signed by Alejandro and even numbered one of one on the back. Wow. Yo, and what's the inscription say? Six Cs.

Remember, Nick has dibs on Sienna. I believe that was the cartoon woman we were playing against. Wow. Yo, and what's the inscription say? Six Cs. Remember, Nick has dibs on Sienna. I believe that was the cartoon woman we were playing against. Wow. Might have heard of the seven Cs. These are the six Cs. These are the six Cs. Imagine if you're a Grape Street Crip. This would be really nice to have.

Yes. Any Crip, really. Doesn't matter what Crip set you're from. Doesn't matter what state you're in. Oh, and have we started? Is that $21? I believe Alejandro's in here, and he said, am I getting a cut? No.

Absolutely not. God, how this works. $22. Let's jack this up. Let's get some more bids in here. $22? Come on. Keep bidding.

What the fuck? What would you guys guess? Oh, don't say that. Just a bid. $24? Is it live? All right, now it's live. All right, $50.

69. Hey, hey, hey. 99, 100, 104. There you go. And this is actually a print of Nick's titties. Yes. That's how this was made. This gets to $1,000.

Nick will show his cock. Yeah. What? Yes, yes. Anything for our joint jet ski fund. Boys are holding back. 200. All right. We got some big spenders. What? Yes. Yes. Anything for our joint jet ski fund. Boys are holding back. 200. All right.

We got some big spenders. 200 for that. Yeah, they're holding back. I know y'all aren't broke like that. They should have never gave y'all money. They're still financially recovering from the last auction. Oh, dude. You should get in there and auction $1,000.

Can I auction my cardboard cutout? That scares the shit out of me. I don't want to. I'm tired of them. Let's go. Let's get it to 300. We need 300 on here. This is a painting.

This is a real painting. A real life painting. Look at Alejandro. He's panicking in there. Oil on canvas. Will Brandon sign it? Will Brandon sign it? It depends.

Does that make more money or less? Yeah. LeBron James will sign it. 344. All right. Let's go. Let's get this slush fund going. Are that make more money? Yeah. LeBron James will sign it. $344. All right. Let's go. Let's get this slush fund going.

Are we in this together or are we in this alone? Let's go. Slush fund us up. Here we go. Sold. Nice. Titty Sprinkles 88. $344.

I like that. Someone's got money. I'm going to say right now, Titty Sprinkles, his girlfriend or wife, she's a lucky lady. His name is Titty Sprinkles and he just bought that. Or it's a lady. Or it's a lady, yeah. Does it mean joy, all those things? Is it sprinkles coming off of a titty or sprinkles on a titty? I would think it's sprinkles on a titty.

What if it's a lady who's just trying to compile evidence about our misogyny? For the next piece. We should have destroyed the evidence, not sell it. Titty Sprinkles in the chat said, my wife hates me. Oh, yep, we do. I nailed that one. That's a guy. She's going to love this gift, though.

You have a little bit more say, Titty Sprinkles, on what we spend our slush fund money on. I like that, funny money. Funny money. I'll trust Titty Sprinkles with my life. Yeah, you would. Titty Sprinkles man yourself. I'm surprised that Sprinkles with my life. Yeah, you would. Teddy Sprinkles man yourself. You don't want that. That wasn't you.

You don't want your life. That's like when we thought that James 101 was Jason Light. Yeah, which he still is. Probably is. Brandon Walker's probably secretly Teddy Sprinkles. Did we have camera on him during that? No. So he was probably just hitting.

Life hates him. That's a great shirt, Brandon. Thank you. I've been on a good shirt run. Where are you getting, like? I bought this shirt. The buttons. I popped a button.

I popped a button. I popped a button. Don't worry about it. Wait, you lost that button? I don't know where it came off. Oh, no. You can't wear that shirt anymore. Yes, I can.

I'm wearing it right now. Look how it looks right now. Why don't you wear it unbuttoned? You're wearing an undershirt? I was saying that yesterday. He should not be wearing now. Look how it looks right now. Don't you wear it unbuttoned? You're wearing an undershirt? I was standing. I'd be fine. I was saying that yesterday. He should not be wearing undershirts with these button-up... I'm scared of my titties, guys. With that type of shirt, A, it minimizes your titties, and B, it's the shirt that's appropriate

to have titties in. This one, I popped a button. I couldn't wear this one without an undershirt at all. That's not why. Come on. Shut up, Ron. Don't lie. I'm saying that you should fucking

be more exploratory and embrace your beautiful body. Okay. Thank you. Yeah, you should. Finish that drink. Yeah, finish that drink. I actually don't like it either. I like the watermelon. I love watermelon.

I don't really like the drink. I'm obsessed with this, dude. It was an ambitious mixture of different flavors. You don't really like the drinks. I'm obsessed with this, dude. I'll pay $18 for this. It was an ambitious mixture of different flavors. You don't like it either, Kate? Too many things happening here. I have a little buzz going already. What? I guess I'm a lightweight.

Ooh. But I feel. All it takes is one watermelon garden's drink for Kate. Oh, nice. Here, Kate. Why don't you have mine as well? I'll have everyone else's. Bottles in the ice. Friday. Getting slithered. Why don't you have mine as well? I'll have everyone else's. Friday?

Friday. Why not? Who's dong you trying to see today, Kate? What? Even. Dong imply big. Yes. Yes.

Actually, it does because it wouldn't be your ding dong if it's small. Your ding dong. Your ding-a-ling dong if it's small. Your ding dong. Your ding-a-ling. Just dong is big. Your dingy dong. Yeah, ending with a G implies something. Look at that guy's dong. You assume it's a big dick.

What's bigger, dong or schlong? Schlong. Oh, schlong. A lot. A lot. Dong is probably wider, but schlong. Dong has a spade-like head. Shlong is like an eggplant-y base.

Yeah, strong wind will push a Shlong one way or the other. But it could also slow a boat down if you dip it in water. As a rudder, the Shlong. Shlong is like a rudder. On a drag. Yeah, you just grab. When you want to go left, you just grab his foot. Steer with the schlong.

Who would have the best rudder dick in this show? I was going to say Ben Mintz, but in this show. That boat would be out of control. Yeah. Ben Mintz has got a huge schlong. You've got to see it. Some chick told me he's got 13 inches. Is that true?

I heard the same thing from a different girl. Okay. I heard it from a from a different girl. Okay. I heard it from a dude down in Austin. Down Austin way. He said he fucking, he didn't know how old Mintz was. All he knew was that he had a 13-incher. Counted the rings around his cock. Person told me he's three times the man that Brandon Walker is.

I was like, what? Brandon, you think you could change the direction of a boat with your dick? No chance. Ben Vince is dropping anchor with that thing. I can scrape at the bottom. So now not only do we get to call him the king of the south, and even though he does nothing and is a mascot, now we're going to say he has a big dick.

Now we're giving him a huge penis. He has one. I was born that way. It was more of an endowment. He has one. I was going to say. Born that way. Who has more of an endowment? Ole Miss or? I would assume they do. Mississippi State. I would assume they do.

Neither has a very big one. Better endowed, huh? Neither has a very big one. What Power 5 squad is the lowest? You can rank endowments on your show. What is an endowment? It's how much money boosters and graduates have given to the money. They're slush funds.

They're slush funds? Maybe Wake Forest because they're the smallest, but I think they're private schools, so they probably have a big one. Harvard has a $20 billion endowment or something. So this is our endowment? Our slush funds are endowment? Wow. Stanford, $24.8 billion?

Oh, my God. Where's Wisconsin? Wait. I want to see Wisconsin. We haven't gotten there yet. Oh, we're right there, dummy. Where? Right there.

2.746. And the state's fucking swimming in it. Those victims should have asked for more. I know. Are we going to ever get to Mississippi? I don't think we are. We have a story. Rutgers.

It's the poorest state in the union. We have two universities. EJ, that was a pretty bad. Alabama being there? I don't think we are. We have a story. Rutgers. It's the poorest state in the union. We have two universities. EJ, that was a pretty bad. Alabama being there. All right, there we are. There it is. Oh, no. At the bottom.

I said that it would be. Oh. I think that's. How did KB know? The very last. Old Miss? EJ, I didn't realize how on the nose my jokes about Rutgers were. I didn't realize they were actually selling season tickets at Costco.

Yeah, so it was Oregon, South Carolina, Fresno State, Louisville, the New York Yankees, a bunch of MLS teams. I guess that says that they're all poverty teams also. Yeah, kind of. How many championships have those teams won in the last decade? The Yankees. In the last decade? The Yankees have won the most.

In the last decade? In American history. In the last decade? Kind Yankees have won the most by any team in American history. In the last decade? Kind of, yeah. Excuse me if you pass that. Thank you. Cheers. Oh, yeah. Pour it in here.

Give it to Kate. Billy dudes are just getting drunk. Somebody made us a soundboard. What? Whoa, let's hear it. John Rich? Is it Rome screaming? Nathan Eckberg at Nate561.

Yaksounds.com. No way. Oh, give them to us. We need them all. Oh, that's not us. We never said that. It sounds like we play on the air. It's a long one.

Oh, yeah, that should just be a one. There we go. All right. I want to hear that again. They're All right. I want to hear that again. They're back. I'd love to hear that again. I love Roan still gets, you're just kind of genuinely embarrassed. You do that.

One more time. One more time. Yes, we're not going to. The fact that you're also saying something. Hold on. I need to hear it again. Someone else was. Oh, it was Roan. It was his own. Wait, play it again. Yes, we're not saying something. Hold on. I need to hear it again because you did. Someone else was. Oh, it was Ro.

It was his own. Wait. Play it again. Yes, we're not going to. I'm so calm. So funny. That's the best sound ever. It's so good.

RGB. Yeah, yesterday. Atta boys. Oh, no. RGB. Yeah, yesterday. Atta boys. Ruth Bader Ginsburg champion. I'm the Joker, baby. Oh, my God. Don't play that one. No.

Skip that. What's the screen? Oh, my. He's so greedy. Greedy boy. Oh, just a regular. This is good. Yeah, it is.

What's boo? I just had to imagine generic sounds. I like that. This is just the whole song. I think it is. I like that. I feel like we could grow that. We've got to get a mint sound in there.

Yeah. We've got to get a whole mint sound. What's the mint sound? Where it's like, woo! Oh, it's woo. When they won the World Series, he was real excited. Tasmanian mints is my favorite. It was just one woo.

Woo, woo, woo, woo. He was so excited. No one's been more of a cartoon character from like a Mary Melodies cartoon than Ben Mintz. Seriously. What a guy. Should we spin the wheel? Oh, fuck. Yes.

I may have brought bad vibes. I had a bad feeling this morning. I brought underwear and shorts just in case. Oh, I have to leave. No, we just had one. Oh, no. That would be bad. Unless we get to go to Lebanon.

What's the matter, Brandon? I don't know. You have two shirts on regardless, dude. You walked two miles into work. I walked today. That was dumb. Yeah. You walked two miles from where?

It's hot. I'm staying in Nick's dad's apartment. Not a joke. What? Yeah, keep forgetting that. Good. Golden. Wait, what, Brandon?

I'm staying in Nick's dad's apartment for the next ten minutes. With Nick's dad? Yeah, but I'm asking for an explanation. That's it. I'm staying in the next 10 minutes. With Nick's dad? Yeah, but I'm asking for an explanation. That's it. I'm staying in the- Is he there? No, he's not there. He's out.

Will he be there? No. He's gone, so he's letting me use his apartment. Is it nice? It's fantastic. Isn't it weird that you're not man-to-man with him, you're man-to-man with Nick, so it's still your friend's dad? Are you sure he's not-

Yeah, you're still your friend's dad's apartment. Yeah, your friend's dad. You're not man-to-man with Nick, so it's still your friend's dad. Are you sure he's not? Yeah, you're saying he's your friend's dad's apartment. Yeah, your friend's dad. Like, you're not man-to-man with him. I feel like it would be more normal if you were saying it's Nick's apartment. I'm 47 years old. I'm man-to-man with him. No, you're not, dude. You're man-to-man with Nick.

When you said fantastic, you sounded just like Nick's dad. Not a joke. Like, that's how it just sounded. What do you see when you run into. He's there because you're picking up on some of his. No, no, no. Lingo. I've heard his dad say fantastic the same exact way.

Kind of adds a spice to the end syllable. He's there. He's not there. When you run into people in the elevator, you're like, I'm just saying my friend's dad's apartment. As a grown ass man. I'm just crashing at my buddy's dad's apartment. As a grown-ass man. I'm just crashing at my buddy's dad's. That's what you say like that. Put it like that.

It's very funny. Put it like that. Because I thought you were coming from Jersey to the fight tonight and the pop punk show. I don't have a house right now. You're homeless right now. You're fucking Carrie Bradshaw right now. I can't move into my house until September 1st. You're not homeless.

You're Teddy from Real Housewives of New York, dude. I don't know what that means. You're just staying with your rich friend. Yeah, I'm staying with my boys. Rich friend's dad. Staying with my boys. Want to crash at my place this weekend? No, I have Nick Statt's place.

Want to stay at Sass's grandma's? Great pillows? Yeah. I bet he does. He's a grown man. What the fuck? How many throw pillows does he have? Oh Yeah. I bet he does. He's a grown man. What the fuck? How many throw pillows does he have? Oh, a bunch.

Yeah, because he's a grown up. Sounds like Nick's dad. He walked in, he's like, oh, you got snacks? Yeah, dude. Yeah. Amazing. I just have food at home. Snack packs?

How long are you staying there for? Ten days. Today was the first day. Are you worried at all he's going to come home at some point? Oh, I've talked to him. Or like in college. I'm not going to go behind my dad's back. Sounds like it.

We should have a party. We should have a party. We should have a party. We can't have a party. We should have a party. After party. We absolutely should have a party. We can't have a party.

It's all go. Ask your dad. Don't ask him. Don't ask him. We'll clean up. We'll clean up real good. For a reason. If you say go. Ask your dad. Don't ask him. Don't ask him. We'll clean up. We'll clean up real good. For a reason. If you say no to me, you got to ask him.

No, Brandon, just don't ask and we'll play it cool the entire time. How many rooms? It's a living room, a kitchen, a bedroom, and a bathroom. Let's have a party. Nice roof. How many square feet? Perfect roof, huh? Keeping it tight?

Oh, keeping it real tight, yeah. Nick? Keeping it real tight. You keeping it real tight, yeah. Nick? Keeping it real tight. You pop over and double check? I just got there yesterday. I don't have a key. What's the decor? How many suitcases did you bring?

Oh, it's very tastefully done. It's minimalist, but not too minimalist. What's the art? Are you, uh, good men? Are you guys hip with these new barn dominiums? Like these, like, McMansion barns? No, but it sounds like something I would like. I've seen it. I've seen it on the talk.

A little tacky, but... I haven't seen them. I'm not anti. I like barn doors, the rolling big barn doors. Sliders. Yeah, or the garage doors. Those are quite nice.

Yep. Really? I don't love them. Really? I'm not into gals that have kind of taken over with them. Weddings, yeah. It's just like they kind of ran rampant

with the fucking mason jar drinks and shit like that. That shit is a little bit... This is awesome. Nashville weddings, yeah. Just like they kind of ran rampant with the fucking mason jar drinks and shit like that. This shit is a little bit... This is awesome. Nashville's entire vibe. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I like that. Yeah, these are awesome.

Those aren't barns anymore. That's dope. I'm talking about like someone who has like a city house and then like a barn door in their living room. Yeah. That shit is fucking not it to me, bro.

You should throw a party. I will have to cover the second half of the month as well, too. So, Rowan, if you have an extra room. Kyle. No, I don't. I'm staying at our place. I told him you should. The boys.

That would be hilarious. The boys. Duke's is home maybe for an hour a week. It would be more of a Duke's room. I go from my friend's dad to some 19-year-olds. Yeah. maybe for an hour a week. It would be more of a big dude's room. I go from my friend's dad to some 19-year-olds. Yeah. None of us are 19.

22-year-olds. None of us are 22 either. 21-year-olds. God damn it. You can make it from my beanbag chair in the far corner of my room to the door without touching lava. Yeah. Are you saying if I can do that, I can stay with you? Or are you saying...

Oh, are you saying... Beanbag straight to bed. I could do that. A futon straight to my door. But where would you go if he was staying there the whole time? Like, where would you... How would you get away from him? We'd just drift.

Come to the office. Walk around, yeah. Just walk around the whole city? Yep. Damn, dude. Don't do that to yourself. I drive like I walk. And this bit me in the ass one time in Kent.

The cop squad searched my entire car, including my trunk, because I was driving suspiciously. What was dodgy about the way you were whipping that Challenger? I just go in circles, turn around in parking lots. I just don't, yeah. My roommates had people over. I didn't walk like that. I didn't talk to them. So you just wanted to get out of the house and kill time? I just don't. Yeah. My roommates had people over. I didn't walk like that. Talk to them.

So you just wanted to get out of the house and kill time. Go on drives. Let's go around. Fair enough. It's the best way to get people out of the house. Be like, all right, I got to search my entire car and trunk. I was freaking out because, you know, like they can plant. Yeah.

They can plant something. And I wouldn't know. Yeah. And I thought I did have drugs. And nobody would believe you were on drugs yeah yeah freaking out yeah wait they thought i was guilty i was like i couldn't even get a word out yeah he probably agreed where was this not if we look around oh kent ohio okay got it what are the logistics with that isn't it like if they smell weed they can search your entire car

they isn't the you weren't asking me like do you have it they're like where is it i was so i was so scared i believe it i guess it's like someone i guess they were looking for like a drug dealer that matched my car i don't know where is it like an amber alert yeah i don't know it was three cars pulled me over and you probably started sweating oh yeah speak they thought for sure I was guilty. It was such a long-winded process, too. They thought of you getting pulled over by three cars. You drug bust. I was turning around in the same parking lot and doing laps.

That's because you were trying to avoid a conversation? They still think you were guilty even after they didn't find anything? You got away this time. They were dicks about letting me go. Did you thank them? Yeah. Yeah, you definitely did. I would now.

Yeah, I'm more of a man. You know your rights. You go to police stations and film them. They're like, I'm allowed to be on the sidewalk. It's public property. There are YouTube channels of the guys that just... I love them. They're good. I'll go in a deep fucking the guys that just love them. They just they're good. Yeah.

I'll go in a deep fucking rabbit hole. One of them. OK. All right. All right. I'm finished. It's watermelon.

They're all I did. I ever tell my. Yeah. Keep telling stories. Story. Join this. Yeah. I want to retell that

because the people. Yeah. It's actually a bad look. I don't know your snitch. I know. I don't know it. Say it. I don enjoying this. I want to retell that because people, yeah, that's actually a bad look. I don't know your snitch story. No, I don't know it. Say it. I don't either. Tell the story.

In high school, I would drive around and try to bust people for selling me underage alcohol. Oh, I do remember. Oh, wait, no. I don't think I've heard this. The cop would pay me. Oh, yeah. You were literally a rat. You were a mole.

I needed the money. Oh, yeah. You were literally a rat. You were a mole. I needed the money. Wait, what? My neighbor was a cop and would take me on ride-alongs. And I was, like, mic'd up. I had a wire on. You were wearing a wire. Go to liquor stores and be like, just buy it. But in my defense, I wasn't even close.

Because I couldn't even use a... I had to show them my, like, 16-year-old ID. And I looked 12. So you never got anyone? It was just me getting humiliated at every liquor shop. And you never got one? No. Did you get paid?

Yeah, they would pay me 100 bucks. Oh. A couple hours. 100 bucks for the whole thing or per place? No, it wasn't commission. It was just... If you got someone,

you would have gotten more? Dude, that is so fucking... Never again. I remember when kids used to get caught with fake IDs. They would have them do that. It's like, we won't charge you with anything

if you go and use these places and we'll arrest the owner or do something. I know a dude who was selling pot and they made him go find heroin to be able to stay in the country. Fuck. It's fucked up. That ain't right.

Well, heroin's way worse, though. Yeah. Yeah. Smoke shops are taking over this city way worse, though. Yeah. Yeah. Smoke shops are taking over this city. Oh, yeah. They're everywhere. Every single store now you can buy, like, hard lines. No, it's just like a regular store and there's a bong.

Yeah. Yeah. Not just bongs. Everywhere. Weed, weed. Sick. There's two per block. Awesome.

Sell mushrooms. One by me, you can buy weed with, like, a credit card. Love it. Yeah. Amazing. They all sell mushrooms and they all sell whippets that's like the big thing what's the quality

of the mushroom not mushroom I was gonna say yeah it's DMT there's no way there's some shit in that yeah what do they make you feel

like would you feel something oh yeah oh yeah I had to call an emergency Uber home for Kyle I put him in the back of a van and he was like

just not talking. And then the van drove away, and as I was driving away, I heard his muffled scream. That's kind of embarrassing. Yeah, I'm done with that. I tried the chocolates. Not for me. Well, they melted in your pocket,

and you were just licking chocolate off your hand. Like mushroom chocolates? Like DMT chocolate? I always find those in my house, just these big-ass chocolate bars of mushrooms. Like mushroom chocolates? Like DMT chocolate? I always find those in my house. Just these like big ass chocolate bars of mushrooms. This is my bread.

I'm not eating bread today. Oh, super close. The onions. That was a bad idea. The onions ripped through the... I crushed one yesterday and I was pleasantly surprised. There was like two types of cheese on it or something.

There's like pull-y cheese. The centrifugal force will hold it in. It will. Horrible idea. I have to leave it a minute. I would do it if I was here to clean up. I think it would work though. You're going to have to clean up. Do my Sprite.

Yeah, he's terrible. He's never going to make a shot. Caucasian James, work, though. Do my sprite. Yeah, he's terrible. He's never going to make a shot. Caucasian James, retire, bitch. Oh, he can't get it from behind the couch. Did you watch that? No, he made it? Shit. Play it.

He made it? No way he did it. Oh, my God. God. He made it! Holy fuck! There you go. That's not right.

What I said before was just a prank. He's definitely going to make it. Dude, that was like 30 days I've been following every day. It would piss me off so much when he would miss. Why? Because I was like, I just want to see it go in so bad. I'm going to have to watch that again after the show ends. I like to skip to the end and just see if he made it or not.

It's only three seconds long. Yeah, that's how I like to enjoy it, though. I really thought he was never going to hit it. Fuck you! I really thought he was never going to hit it. He was... It's probably harder to shoot it while you're filming it, though. Yeah, definitely.

No? No, no. I was saying. Ah. Wow. All right. I got to roll. You guys can keep going.

That's incredible. Fuck yeah. Should we keep going? Why not? Maybe you got him. I'm down to keep going. You guys keep going. Where's Taz got to go?

You got your little bags packed? Trying to get to Penn Station earlier so you can go to the TGI Fridays and get some fried appetizers? No. I'm going to Providence, Rhode Island, where I'll be performing. How are you getting there? Comedy Connection. The train? Tonight?

Tonight and tomorrow night. Do I have a good Dave and Buster's there? I got a bus to catch at 1045 p.m. To where? For Whattsburg. Oh, bro, you're down bad, huh? What do you mean? You're broke broke.

Yeah. A bus to Pittsburgh. Yeah. I've done it. That's a weird time to do it. Yeah, that's late. It's a good means. Okay.

No, great means. Can I? Probably not. I can't sleep on a bus. A bus to Pittsburgh? How long does that take? Dude, it need. Can I? Yeah. Probably not. I can't sleep on a bus. A bus to Pittsburgh? How long does that take? Dude, it's shorter than the train. Fly there.

Can I ask what's a bus? Oh, you hate flying. A wedding. A wedding? Yeah. That's fun. Sweet potato pat. A big nut pat.

Big testicle. Love sweet potato pat. What's updated? Oh, what? I said keep us updated. Oh, yeah. I'll send you guys a picture. Yeah.

I'm going to need a couple pictures. Putting a bow tie on the nuts? Can you see his nuts through his pain angles? Wait, wait, updated. Oh, yeah. I'll send you guys a picture. Yeah. I'm going to need a couple pictures. Putting a bow tie on the nuts? Can you see his nuts through his paint? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? He's a big nut. He's a giant nut. Who?

This is your friend with giant nuts? Oh, Kate. One nut, Kate. He comes in for the Halloween. It's this big. Yeah, he comes and shows people. It's actually this big. My boy, Rui, is running for the hills.

The nut's been here before. And he's getting married. Oh, that's great. Not for you. It's real. Don't underestimate Pat. Very weird nut. Actually, that wouldn't surprise me at all.

But he did come in and show us all his nuts. I appreciate you, brother. He did. He was like, here's my nut. And it knocked my fucking socks off. Your reaction, you fainted. Yeah, I did. I was fucking like a damsel nut. And it knocked my fucking socks off. Your reaction, you fainted. Yeah, I did. I was fucking like a damsel in distress. It's a healthy nut.

No, it's not healthy. It's growing in like a kind of a negative way. It's the biggest you'll ever see. It's the best you've ever had. He's coming back for Halloween if you guys want him to do another scary. I was thinking we could build like a haunted house and it's just him standing at the end of it.

I didn't see the nut the first time. You did. So much bigger than you think it is. You have no idea what you're about to see. Oh! What, Hank? Is this someone you went to high school with who just has a giant ball? No, no, no.

I met him just through forums. You're next. Donnie, you're next. You're after Donnie. KB, KB, you got to move. KB. Look at that hair. Wow.

Way taller than you guys. Oh, my God. Skyscraper. It was just a big old ball. It's not even like that, though. It's like flat. Flat. It's not flat.

The width of it is like this, but it's like this. Who is that? It's like a disc. Okay. Huh. Interesting. Well, good for him. And that's nice.

You're invited to the wedding. I'd like to talk about your Pat's nuts, though. How are they? I mean, I'll say it. They're honking. Yeah. I mean, they're still like a chickpea to Pat's falafel. Yeah.

I mean, compared to that guy, I'm sure nobody can compare to that. But everybody on Twitter, wish him a happy wedding. Happy wedding. Blow him up. Wow. Blow him up about his nut. Is there any backlash about his nut appearance? Did anyone in his personal life say, hey, that's kind of weird?

No, no. He's a chemist. I think it was a lab accident where it happened. Yeah, he got a toxic waste, a vat. Bit by a really big nut. Yeah. In pants? That's a chemist. I think it was a lab accident where it happened. Yeah, he got a big waist, a vat. Bit by a really big nut. Yeah. In pants, that's a cool look. Nobody knows you have one weird ball.

They just go, something big. That big-ass bulge. He's got a big bulge. It's the ottoman for the penis. What about sitting down, though? He goes slow. Oh, yeah. I'm sure.

His dick was like a fucking curly cute pasta, though. It was like a pig's tail. Yeah. Right. Okay. It was very fucking. It has a corkscrew penis. Is it a duck?

It's a duck. It's a duck. It has a corkscrew penis. He's got a duck dick. Do you know Jaguars and stuff? The head of their penis has like hooks. So like. Once it gets in.

It like gets in. Like a grappling hook? Like you can't get it out kind of. I heard they their shape like that to kind of remove the previous lovers leftovers. Really? That's what I think. I'm evolving to have that penis. The knowledge your dick has an inherent knowledge of women. Fuck me purely for waste removal.

Yeah, that's that's genius of them. Yeah. The dicks are dicks are evolving. Dude, d's genius of them. Yeah, Dicks are evolving, dude. Dicks are going in crazy... Which ways? In crazy directions, dude. I have to pee and I'm so sad because I... We'll put a pin in it. We'll wait.

We'll wait. I'll be right back. Yeah, we'll wait. We can't talk about... How do you keep going solo shot on me when I'm not talking? Getting lodged in the vaginal canal like the Ever Given and Suez. Yeah, yeah. That's how dicks are going to be.

Yeah. Their vaginas are not evolving. They're devolving. They are devolving. Well, they're not great to begin with. They're perfect. You think they're perfect? Yeah. A horseshoe crab. You think they're perfect? Yeah.

A horseshoe crab. Is that a perfect animal? Is it? In what way? They don't evolve. They've never happened. They don't need to. They're lazy.

They're perfect. No, they don't need to. They've reached peak. They are the best at being being. They can't do anything to improve their horseshoe crabness. Horseshoe crab is perfect. They wash up on the shore when they're done. What if they evolved to where

when they washed up, they grew a new life? That's just when they're dead, though. They're dead. Why haven't they evolved if they need to? They don't need to. We have. They're better than us. We're just assuming that because they haven't evolved, they're perfect. They live in a utopia.

When I asked you boys, what's your favorite raw food with nothing done to it? You just clowned me. I said like cheese maybe. That's not considered raw. Or crab. No, but what he's saying is nothing prepared. Nothing added to it. Ahi tuna. Like just a cubed up tuna. That shit's good as fuck.

Man, that's probably a gala apple. It could be a fruit. Yeah. Raw? What happened? A raw potato fruit. Yeah. Raw? What happened? A raw potato chip. A raw potato? A raw potato chip. A raw potato chip?

Well, that would be almost impossible to chew. How so? A raw potato chip? You're right. Just a sliver of a potato. I was thinking of a potato chip that was kind of uncooked. A horseshoe crab could chew it. No, I don't think that could. Easy. You ever seen a horseshoe crab chew a potato chip that was kind of uncooked. Horseshoe crab could chew it. No, I don't think that could.

Easy. You ever seen a horseshoe crab chew a potato chip? Google? Yes. Is that what your penis looks like? Horseshoe crab? Yeah, we were talking horseshoe crabs while you were gone. Sorry, Kate.

I'm going to go do another show. You do? And I'm going to get shit for it, but I'm sorry. Why? Why? I always get shit when I have to go do something else. Why do you have to do something else? I couldn't do it yesterday because we ran long and the

rundown grabbed me so I couldn't do it. Why don't you just do it in here? Why don't you just have the convo with us? Yeah. Because we'd be talking college football and it would be boring. We can do that. Your show's boring? Why do you do it? It's not a horseshoe crab. That's not a horseshoe crab.

Is that a blue crab? Is that a little empanada? That would be adorable. That's like a townhouse cracker. Oh, who's coding over there? What type of code is that? Sass, I know you write code, brother. I know you dabble.

I really enjoy watching this crab eat this crab. So do I. Now it's a horseshoe crab. That's not a horseshoe crab, is it? No, that's not a horseshoe crab. Maybe it's a crab that's good at horseshoes. What animal are we close to in the ocean? Are we close to lobsters? There's an animal that we're shockingly close to

in evolution that you wouldn't think. It ain't lobsters. I thought it was. I think it might be. I think it is lobsters. It is. Like our DNA is close to a lobster? Yeah, something about us is really close to lobsters. No. Maybe when you eat one. Google closest animals to human

DNA. Chimpanzees. I think it's a lobster. Pretty sure it's a lobster. I think Kate's right now. I think Kate's right now. I'm pretty sure that Kate's right. And 12 million views on that? I love when crabs have a cigarette. It's us.

It'd be chimpanzee. I'm saying it was closest. That was maybe one of the easier. I never said close-ass. I said close. Okay. I'm looking at a chimpanzee and a lobster and being like, which one's more like us? Yeah.

All right, there's the one that has the same shape as me. What about when you do your hands like this? Oh, yeah. The bug that breathes underwater. There's a fact out there about this, and I can't circle down to it. Lobsters are like a cool animal. Why are no sports teams named after them?

I personally think we have left way too many animal names un-teamed. Not enough sea creatures. There should be hippos. There should be rhinos. There should be all kinds of stuff. Elephants, saber-toothed tigers and shit like that. And then everybody's the wildcats. Everybody's tigers, wildcats, bulldogs, and cougars.

Bulldogs are like an abomination. Bulldogs only live like six years. Yeah. And they're like genetically modified to like look cute and like old. They're like in the union constantly. Terrible hips. That does piss me off. And just like the name of schools.

There should be, if there's 130 teams, there should be 130 mascots. If there's Minutemen, there should be skateboarders. Oh, the Hickory Crow Dads is a good minor league. Minor leagues go too far with it. Way too far. Yeah, they... Why? You can't have it both ways.

You're like, oh, they're self-aware. They're adventurous. They go too far with it. Yeah. The Bananas? What's that fucking team? Banana Slugs? What is that one team?

The Savannah Bananas. I hate them. Yeah. Doesn't Bill Murray own that team? I am not a fan of the bananas why Savannah Bananas

yeah that's some like camp shit it is and it's like there's always the videos of like them mid play and they just start doing their like tics on dances

yeah they invented their own baseball rules as a way of promotion and they've sold out every game for like five years straight yeah but

but we hate them oh shit my bad yeah I hate those guys. What happened? I couldn't hear. My headphones don't work. He just fucking dunked

on your dumb ass. What'd he say? You don't want to know. You don't have to go back and listen to this. High schools aren't even good at it. Yeah, they just rip off pro teams. And just the name of high schools,

like presidents, geographic locations. and yeah they just rip off pro teams like and just the name of high schools like presidents geographic locations robert e lee lake central should as dumb as hell river my middle school it was north brandywine and south brandywine were the two middle schools and we were south brandywine and we were the rebels and a confederate flag was like our thing up in the philly burbs. They got rid of it right as I was getting there or something like that. Just because you were south of your northern area? PA violates

the worst naming thing. There's two Hempfield high schools. There's like every European city name. How do you know that? There's like city name. There's like Wales, Pennsylvania, Dublin.

Indiana, California. Is there a Jersey Shore, Pennsylvania? Indiana, Pennsylvania, where I went to college. Dropped out. Right next to California. They're right next to each other. There's an Aleppo, Pennsylvania, which is like, isn't that in Syria? That's where that documentary.

Yeah. And that dude, Gary Johnson, was like, what is Aleppo, Pennsylvania, which is like, isn't that in Syria? Yeah, that's where that documentary. Yeah. And that dude Gary Johnson was like, what is Aleppo? When he was running for president, he didn't know because he just was smoking weed the whole time. I voted for him to put it to the man. Did you? With his two-party system. Yes, dude. I'm a forward party guy.

That's New York, New Jersey. There's a weird thing about North Jersey and Long Island that have like all analogous like town names or something like that. There's like they're all a bizarro world. There's like a long list of them. Are people like passionate about living in Jersey City? Is that like a big thing? People like ride or die

Jersey City people? I don't know. I was doing a show last night there and I said that Philly was better than Jersey City and they they got, like, pissed. I mean, Jersey is comparing something that's massive, like a top five metropolitan area versus, like— When you go to someone's city and say, like, you guys are inferior, they're not, like— They were pissed for some reason. No, they got over it, but I just wasn't expecting—

I don't know, I wasn't expecting people to be like, don't fucking disrespect Jersey City. Yeah, it's horny, but no one's from there.

Exactly. It's a transplant, like, micro suburb of New York. yeah. Philly is better than it, though. Yeah.

Also, I didn't just say that out of the blue. Someone, like, said something about making fun of Philly. And I was like, don't talk about my fucking city like that.

That's my fucking dog, dude. Ride or die. I'm a ride or die Philly guy. He's one of his five towns. Yeah. What are your five towns again? My five towns? Yeah.

Every man and woman has five towns. Rep. And at all times, it's changing. But you go to a new town, you could be like, oh, this could be one of my five towns. My boy Gavin taught me that. My current one, Philly is number one. Boston's number two. Venice, California is number three.

Waco, Texas kind of rules. Yeah, that's one of your five towns. And then Providence, Rhode Island, where I will be tonight. Smart man. Oh, yes, dude. Little pander. What's your five towns, KB? KB's are going to be five towns that no one's heard of.

He's never even been to. I don't. Yes, you do, dude. What are your five towns? Well, El Paso, Coralville, Iowa, Aliquippa, Pennsylvania. Of course. What happened there, dude? You fucking

sucking pinning or winning, bro? In Aliquippa. In Aliquippa? Yeah. You have a wrestling competition there? I knew it, dude. You were pinning and winning. Hell of a football team. They beat us, dude. They beat us at St. Joe's Prep.

Did they really? They're smaller. They're like single They beat us St. Joe's Prep Did they really Yeah they They're smaller They're like Single leg Are they They might play up Cause there's You can do that in PA They had the dancing kid

Dude they had this This fucking running back Dude he was called The dancing kid Dude He was fucking sick Yeah I remember Their youth wrestling team

The dads would When the kid had to Lose a couple Ounces They would hold him naked By their Feet Shake him their youth wrestling team, the dads would, when the kid had to lose a couple ounces, they would hold him naked by their feet. Shake him. Shake the weight out. Shake weight.

You shake the weight right now. What happened? That's not real. That's not real. It did not. That couldn't have done anything. But wait, that's a real thing that people did? Yeah, I remember vividly the Aliquippa coaches picking up the boys,

the little boys by the naked boys by their their ankles and shaking them around this is fucking true i can never tell i never know fucking true that's insane you can probably google it where do you just like can we just like i never know i i saw a a video last night of a rapper who was like using like a upside down baby as a microphone. And the Internet was like furious. Not loving it. Yeah, they like canceled the fuck out of whoever it was. Yeah.

It looked dope though. It looked cool as fuck. But I guess it can kill a baby or whatever. Yeah, you can't be dangling them too much. Upside down, yeah. But the baby was doing upside down sit-ups like 50 Cent in the club video. Babies are fine. Babies have strong-ass cores.

Yeah, they do. You just lose your core. You're the strongest in your core when you're a baby. It's wild. Dude, it's terrifying. They're way stronger than you think they are. Babies, do they just sit with their legs? They're constantly doing leg raises.

Yeah. Yeah, they just kind of age their core. Planking, a lot of planking. Brandon hasn't been recording the whole time. He's just been puttering around, fucking scooping chicks. Prepping. The ZBT producer asked me, ask Brandon where he's keeping all of his stuff

because his car is at my house in my driveway. What? Brandon is just... Oh, no. Shout out, Nick. Just wrestling Brandon is just... Oh, no. Shout out, Nick. Just wrestling videos. He's homeless, homeless. He's homeless, homeless.

He's homeless. I've decided to change my hometown. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I was born in Hopkins, South Carolina, I think. Oh, that's dope. I changed my city and my school. I went to Penn State. Oh, yeah.

Graduated the same year as Roan. I'm a Philly guy. I'm Hopkins, South Carolina, born in 92. Easy birth. Which we know isn't true. Go to Lower Richland. Go to Lower Richland. And then I went to Pepperdine.

Fuck yeah. Beautiful. Yeah, this is the video. Oh no! Did you see the video. Oh, no. Oh, no. Did you see the video? This is hilarious. He got canceled.

He got destroyed. Oh, okay. Now he's just straight up shaking it. I feel like for a second it's okay. Yeah, maybe. It's a long time to be upset now. We're going to need another take. Oh, my God.

It keeps going. Okay. I think it's very long. But. Oh, my God. It keeps going. Okay. I think it's very long. But, yeah, people hate him. Even other rappers. Even the rap community. Well, you know, if they can baptize him in such a dunking way. I know.

If the Greek Orthodoxes can go ape shit like that. You can dangle one from a microphone. Yeah, Blanket. Yeah, Blanket. He held Blanket by the upside right, though. And Blanket wasn't getting shake. Is Blanket. He held Blanket by the upside right, though. And Blanket was getting shaken. Is Blanket a grown-up? He's in his late 20s, maybe.

Late 20s. Yeah, I was a guess. I know that Paris Jackson is like, she's famous, but also has thoughts of her own for some reason, which is weird. I love that. Doesn't make a lot of sense. Doesn't really fit in my preconceived notion of her.

But I haven't heard shit about blanket. When was the last time you guys have been upside down? Oh, no, bro. I like doing the handstands in the pool. Oh, yeah. I'm bad. You've been upside down? When was the last time you've been upside down?

I was thinking about getting an inversion table. I want to be upside down more. I want one so bad. What's the point of those things? You're compressing your spine. Your organs are all just used to being this way. Fuck that.

Wow, I didn't think about that. Yeah, you're all compacted like a bag of chips. Yeah, like a stack of Pringles. Upside down. Is that a song? I don't remember that. Curious George soundtrack.

What would happen if you fell asleep in one of those? Would you die? Yeah. For sure. Who would be in that and be like, I'm fucking comfy. You find out you're a vampire.

You start sleeping in it. Just do it once and you get that sweet ass eternal sleep. Fuck yeah. Which is happening in 15 years for you, my bro. Yeah. That's how I go out. A bus. Painless. Which is happening in 15 years for you, my bro. Yeah. That's how I go out. A bus. Painless.

That's how everybody wants to go. A bus hits me in my aversion. Inversion table, yeah. In your aversion table. Inversion table. Smashes through

my apartment building. Yeah, like, what if you avoided buses so, like, strictly and then a bus just finds you and just bursts through your, like, wilderness camp that you avoided buses so strictly and then a bus just finds you and bursts through your wilderness camp that you set up?

There's a short sci-fi story about people going to get their blood pricked and it prints off a vague description of how they'll die. And it's interesting. Is it Japanese? That sounds like some Murakama shit. It does, or some Junji Ito. Yeah, that could be some Junji Ito shit. Sounds like it could be Jujuy too. Yeah, it could be some Junji Ito shit. Sounds like it could be Juju Ito.

Yeah, it could be. You made it sound like a Portuguese soccer player. Yeah, Juju Ito. Beautiful strike. Juju Ito, a peach of a bowl. Fuck, Seth.

Why don't you run your set? Let's practice, bro. Nah. All right, bet Alright bet bet bet Um Pop punk on tomorrow Yeah Tomorrow We're the least idiot band

That you will ever see What are you opening with? Uh Working on some new stuff Seven Nation Army Ooh Just to get the crowd going It'll work

A little bass line For them to go Any surprises? Yes I've heard Just to get the crowd going. It'll work. A little bass line for them to go. Any surprises? Yes. I've heard. I've heard scuttlebutt of some kind of surprises going down. Yeah. You should just throw in the towel.

I would. Oh, Jesus. I meant like She's So High by Tal Bach. Yeah. Throw him into the mix. I would. Do that song. See you, Petra.

Yeah. See you. Joan of Arc. Or Aphrodite. We want you guys to do Still Into You. Paramore. Oh. I know a cool trap remix that you could try.

Really? That we could do a little fucking. Oh, yeah. The foot thing. You ever get jiggy with it? Get sturdy? Yeah. we could do a little fucking... Oh, yeah, the foot thing. You ever get jiggy with it? Get sturdy? Yeah. I get sturdy a little bit, dude,

just in the privacy of my own home, though. That's what I'm at home with my wife. Get sturdy with it, but yeah. Honey, watch me get sturdy. That's a really good husband voice. That is a good husband voice. Honey, come in here and play some of this pop smoke. We're about to get sturdy as fuck.

This is it. Late on beat. Is that what you do when you're listening to it? No. See, they call Brandon to do the show, but none of the people who were even on the show with him even. All right, you can run it again, TJ. I don't mind.

Not bad. Yeah, so that's what the show's going to be like. I fuck with Paramore so heavily. Do you? I was just looking up their tour dates, but they're all in obscure cities. Huh. Like, move. That's what people do.

Go over the flyover cities. The old flyovers. Perfect the craft. I don't think Paramore is in there like a fledgling stand-up stage. Paramore is still working at it. Yeah. Look at all the cities that they're going to.

I can't read this at all. I can't see it. Magna, Utah. Wagwa, Utah. Did you see Little Pumps? They're going to Austin. Tora. Yeah, yeah.

Let's pull this up. It is the wildest collection of cities. I thought you made it. I did too. Chesterfield, Missouri. Honor Springs. Wait, is this Paramore? Yeah, like what are they doing, dude?

A lot of Las Vegas. Chicago, Cincinnati, Atlanta. St. Augustine. Isn't that the first place that America was settled? Yeah. That's where the Fountain of Youth is, right? Oh, shit. I had no idea.

Mm-hmm. Pretty cool fact. Yeah. I got an ice cream cone there once. What? Not to brag. Ice cream in Florida is better. It is so much better.

It's the best state to get ice cream in. Delight. My whole life, I thought I was, when you classify yourself as a youth, as either a California person or a Florida person, and I thought I was a California person until the last time I was just in California. And I was like, I think I'm a Florida guy now. What? We were in a shitty part of California.

You were staying in downtown LA. It is what it is, bro. There's nowhere we went. We drove all over the city. We didn't just stay in downtown LA. We went from downtown LA to worse parts. We went from the hills to the fucking beach. We saw all of the city.

I lived in San Diego for five years on the beach pretty much, and I still prefer the Jersey Shore. The Jersey Shore is great. I still prefer East Coast Beach. There's something different about the East Coast. Jersey Shore is featureless too compared to any other beach city. There's nothing on the beach. It's awesome. It's just sand.

There's not one rock on the entire beach. What did Lil Pump say? Wait, read the... I'm blind as a bat. Read these off to me, someone. Warsaw. Okay. Cadiz, Spain. Cadiz. Then Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

Romania. Bucharest, Romania. Where is this one? We should head out to the Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. Saudi Arabia Then Riyadh Saudi Arabia Romania Bucharest, Romania Where is this one? We should head out To the Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia Yeah, he's in Mongolia Mongolia That boy is on the

Donny Does schedule right now Yeah, he's in Tallahassee Going to Taiwan How do you find out You have a fan base there? Like who You definitely I think that now

They have like heat maps Of where people Consume your shit Yeah But I also think His is influenced by his political leanings. Okay. He was like a big Trump dude. Yeah, he met Trump.

And I think it helped his music career in a weird way. Yeah. Really? I think it hurt it in America, but I think it helped it internationally and made him into a bigger... How many views does his most recent music video have? He's been off the radar. Yeah, what's a song the radar for five years.

His music is unbearable. It was like that Florida post-XXXTentacion wave that was just this people would auto-tune them like cry screaming. It wasn't even that. It was on their face. His music is just one word.

That guy was Anne Frank. He has an entire Anne Frank portrait on his face tattooed. Oh one word. I thought that was Zan Frank. He has an entire Anne Frank portrait on his face tattooed. Oh yeah, I remember that. I remember that. Anne Frank.

Zan Frank? Might have hung out with Lil Zan. That probably makes more sense. Oh no. You said heat map of where his viewers

are from. We have that. Where are ours from? I would imagine Florida being... What's our biggest outlier early on? New York, Chicago, Philly

Where's Providence or Charlotte on this list? Shout out Philly Stand the fuck up Three of us in here from there Dallas We got a big Dallas crew Huh Denver

Are these just all big cities? I think they're just big cities In which the act breaks down little pump demographics. Let's try and find Providence on this. Jersey City knows sass. There goes your whole little pump set for tonight. Where's my hometown? You want to take a wild guess on our gender demo?

Let's say 97% men. I think it's closer to 85, man. 88. Is this the Barstool channel or is this the Yak? I'm going to go 96. 92. For the Yak or for a little pump? Yak.

Yak, okay. All right. What about countries, though? Is there any countries that kind of pop off the list? Yes, I bet it's New Zealand. Yeah, I get people from Australia and Ireland. Oh, this has been the yak stats this whole time. Anus has a very small sliver of Japan, so they just started captioning in Japanese.

Yeah, I saw it. That was funny as fuck. Can you enlarge this? I'm fucking blind as shit, dude. Why is Australia... In India? Let's go, dude. We have almost a thousand people in India? No way.

What, dude? That's so fucking sick. I get... Out of the two billion... Oh my god. Yeah, true. Comparatively. I hear from Australian stoolies from time to time. Yeah.

Like they're a pretty solid group. That's where we should take the slush fund. Australia? Australia. Cool. Long flight. Get a bed. I've always wanted to hold a couple.

Yeah, if it's over eight hours, we're all bedded up. We're going to spend the entire company's yearly budget on our first class. You should do one of those Casey Neistat reviews. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Malaysia? This shit can't be real. And I'll go back

into playing to Kyle who has one of the standings. He just... Hold on. That one's on his lap. Straddling. That would be so funny. Face him the other way.

Dude, eight hours is a long flight. Eight? You say eight? Yeah Australia's not eight Longer than that It's probably 10

But his flight He's coming up as eight Eight and a half, I think That shit's fucking Australia, I think it's like Yeah, it's not like 17 hours You just take a six hour flight or something? I mean, I'm taking eight on a megabus to Pittsburgh

At 10pm tonight That shit does not make sense, dude Flying is not that bad Dude, the red eyeeye shit is dumb. Okay. I don't like it. No, I would... I think I...

Like, when we were doing it originally, I was like, oh, this is probably better than having to wake up at, like, 4 in the morning. It's not at all. No, you're right. It still really sucks.

I don't know who... You don't sleep. I can't sleep. There's no way you go on a red-eye and you're like, wow, I got a full night's rest. Yeah, no, no. You feel like shit.

I felt great. You were in first class. It's about your hip position. If your hip flexors are engaged, it really is. You're not going to rest. But if your hips are flat, you're fucking Liddy again. Do you know Delta flights, the headrest? You can bend them?

Little things bend. I didn't know that. I think most flights have that now. What? You can also move them up. Did you know that? I did know that. I didn't know that until two days What? Yeah. You can also move them up. Did you know that? I did know that. I didn't know that until two days ago. Yeah, and it was keeping my head...

It sort of works. I got a new kind of headrest that there's a little piece of plastic in it, or it's like one of those neck pillows, and now it keeps your head up. I slept so much better with it. Because neck pillows, I feel like, do not work. I don't feel like they work. Because you have to lean all the way to the side, Or even if you wear

it backwards, it's still not going to hold you in place. It doesn't work. Or is I going to run? What about Kate? Wow, I guess I'm just... Did somebody just assume my dad was me with... Is that my dad's face or mine? I believe this is a quick special. I can't

tell. That's neither you nor your dad. Who is that? I think he made... It's your future. I think't tell. That's neither you nor your dad. Who is that? I think it's my face. With a gray beard. Which looks like my dad. He just folded you? But your dad's hot as fuck, though. That's wild that my dad looks like an older me.

That does not make sense, dude. Yeah, that's me. You look like Gene Hackman. I do. You do. You got a little bit of Hackman in you. With that CRISPR stuff coming out maybe one day. What CRISPR stuff? Stuff that hacks your biohacking.

Oh, yeah. Damn, dude. Nick strikes again. Alright, Lil Sass, you out, bro? Alright, boys. Alright, should we end it? I'm out Alright boys Alright should we Should we end it? I gotta go buy pants

Yeah Zara Zara does have good men's clothing But Will they have wedding pants? Yes Yeah I think you'll be able to find You gotta do

You gotta do one of those TikToks where you do your clothes And you're like Pants from Zara Yeah It always is It's always Zara Outfit of the day

But if you wash anything from Zara One time though It'll This is a one time use This is a wedding Yeah leave it in. It's always Zara. Outfit of the day. But if you wash anything from Zara one time, though, it'll... Oh, this is a one-time use. This is a wedding. Yeah, leave it in the... It's an outdoor wedding. Do I have to wear a jacket? Look at the weather for the weekend, too.

Make sure you're... I wouldn't wear shoes. Pittsburgh can go in a lot of directions. And I need to... I don't want to be sweaty for the cookie table. No. Oh, yeah, that's right. They do the cookie table.

I forgot about that. It's a Youngstown thing. Yeah. Bleeds into Pittsburgh. It's a cookie table. They don't do wedding cakes. It's a Youngstown thing. Yeah. Bleeds into Pittsburgh. It's a cookie table. They don't do wedding cakes. It's a cookie table. And the family, they spend like all day the day before.

Like normally you don't order them. Like you and your family make all the cookies and then you have this big ass cookie table. That's wasteful. What type of cookies? Like Italian cookies I'm picturing? No, like all different kinds. Good and soft cookies? Pittsburgh cookie table.

No way, dude. That's a Youngstown thing? And then at the end of the night, you get to take them home to your hotel room and stuff, like big bags of cookies. And if you're fucked up, it's actually pretty sweet. That's better than cake. I think so.

Brandon still hasn't started his show, dude. He's such a fucking fraudulent bastard. All right, Seth. Take it easy, brother. Sorry I have easy, brother Don't be sorry Oh, good Oh, no, it's cool, Sass Good You guys think I can get olive pants at Zara?

Yeah, I feel like definitely I'm on olive mode It's probably my favorite color of apparel Sass, just give me your pants Oh, it's a great color Sass, give me those for the wedding Let's go get those pants But they're olive mode. It's probably my favorite color of apparel. Yeah, olive. Oh, it's a great color. Sass, give me those for the wedding. Let's go get those pants. But they're olive.

They are nice, aren't they? Yeah. See you, Sass. Good luck, bud. See ya. Alright, man. Fucking peace to you, brother. He's so fucked. In Pittsburgh? Yeah. Like right in the heart of the city. Oh, that's fun.

What section? Sass's show is right next to the Free Tomato Festival in Providence today. Oh, not good. Oh, no. Not good. Free Tomatoes? You think any drunk goofball is going to come over from that and be like, thump, at a comedian?

That's what I'm afraid of. We had a tomato festival in our village. That's right. I remember I got screwed out of the smallest tomato competition. You did get screwed. It was nepotism. The nepotism was John Michael Bruner's. You just said his full fucking name.

Well, he won the smallest tomato competition. What does that mean, smallest tomato? You can have the smallest tomato, but it has to be ripe. They said mine was not red enough to qualify. So it was premature. I went through leaps and bounds to acquire that tomato. You didn't grow it. You bought it. You searched Japanese market.

No, I went to an actual person. That sounds fair, though. If it was premature, then it could have grown into a bigger tomato. Right. So you're saying I... It's not unjust. You should have gotten a fully matured... The kid that won, his dad was the judge?

No, his mom... I think his grandma won, and his mom was a judge, or vice versa. So they stacked the deck. Yeah. That's bullshit. Is it like grape cherry tomatoes? She won smallest tomato, but mine's smaller.

Yeah. Sorry, man. Damn, it was like that? Just right in your face like that? My sister tried to win Tomato Princess and never did. I genuinely never know if I'm in a bit or if this is real life. Bethlehem Tomato Festival. It sounds corny saying that because that sounds like a stupid bit,

but it's true. And everybody loved it. It's got to be true. I do not know. You go to Bethlehem Tomato Festival. It's got to be true. I don't think that this could be fake. It was at Community Park.

Yeah. Damn, smallest tomato. It's not that crazy of a story either. I'm Park? Yeah. Damn, smallest tomato. It's not that crazy of a story, either. I'm sure it happens. Yeah. I'm so torn. I feel like Kyle could come up to me with a genuine medical emergency, and I'd be like,

okay, Kyle. You're very funny, idiot. Yeah. But, no, it's... You too, sometimes, though. What the fuck kind of emphasis? The emphasis was wrong on every word You do sometimes though I keep cosplaying as a 10 year old

Like randomly You do a Mom Your 12 year old is the best 12 year old yeah 12 year old that just got caught saying fuck Is so I'm gonna close his mouth

Do it Kyle I'm not doing it now You're doing it right now You just said you did a good one I'm not doing it now. You're doing it right now. You just said you did a good one. I'm doing it. I just saw you do it. Do what? Oh, it's recorded.

We saw you doing it. Do what? Don't play dumb. You know what this is about. Can we go? What do you have to do? What do you have to do? I want to do this.

Alright, yeah, let's do it. Francis is coming back or what? I don't know. Yeah, what is... He's making it seem like it, isn't he? Is he making it seem that way? I think everybody's making it feel like it from a't he? Is he making it seem that way? I think everybody's making it feel like it seems like it from all angles. We're going to get dinner with the boy and see what's up.

I don't know if I can go on Thursday, though. Yeah. Why? Because I have a rehearsal dinner in Philly, and I don't know when that is. I don't know. The Union League? You know what the Union League is, Kate? Yeah, very nice.

Fancy. Yeah. Is it more, does it have a political leaning? Not really, probably, but. Yeah? You know, like in the New York, like, racket club. You're like, oh, rackets. But you go and it's like a nice place to have dinner.

Like, you know what I mean? I've never been to the Union League, but I feel like people are always talking about it. Yeah, it's like a big, just a big, nice building. It's like a big bank. It's like having, it's just a big, nice building. It's like a big bank. It's like having a big dinner at a big, nice bank. That sounds nice. I never understood rehearsal dinners.

Yeah, it's just another occasion. It's just kind of a pre-party occasion. I think the rehearsal part is overblown, but just the name. I never understood the term bridegroom. Yeah. Groom and bridegroom. Yeah.

Bride and groom. But a bridegroom, calling the dude a bridegroom. The dude's a bridegroom? Yes. Bridegroom. Bridegroom. A groom bride is a thing. And it got the disco, right?

A groom's bride is a whore. A groom's bride. I got real fucked up the night before my rehearsal dinner in philly my cousins lived down in like old city and a whole bunch of us went out i remember eating like my aunt dropped i remember eating just like everything out of the fridge like bare hands and then i was in the tub eating hot wings oh god you know the night before your wedding yeah you forgot to rehearse your vowels before the rehearsal dinner but then my mom was like, where are you? We have to get all the favors and all the stuff ready.

And I was so hungover, I could not function. And maybe that should have been a sign. Yeah, do you think if you were better prepared, you would have still been? Would have been better? No. Why don't you guys go out in Old City? I'll have to look through the pictures again. But we did a bar crawl, basically.

We went to the bar that Mac owns. I don't know if he still owns it. He does. Mac's Tavern. I'm always sunny. Mac's Tavern. We went to the bar that Mac owns. I don't know if he still owns it. He does. Mac's Tavern. I'm always sunny. Mac's Tavern. We like started there and then just went from there.

Fuck yeah. I just remember being on the altar the next day for the rehearsal and being like I'm not gonna I couldn't even have a drink at my rehearsal dinner.

Like it was like the whole next day. How were you the night of your wedding? Super. I remember jumping on a bed with a thing of champagne. Yeah. So maybe there were signs

it was not my fault though that sounds fun as fuck though we're peeling back layers i had a great time every part of that sounds super fun the whole thing was that sounds gnarly as hell chocolate fountain buffalo billiards back there oh yeah, you had a chocolate fountain? Buddy. I'm disgusted by those. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah.

There's always kids. They're fucking disgusting. No, there's not always. There's not always. At weddings? You're letting them... The kids are putting their... The worst thing is like a pineapple that you have to put in there. Are there kids at your wedding?

Uh, no. No. That's a no-no for me. Who was the ring bearer? A kid. A kid. I was lying. I think think they or they're at the wedding but not the reception like one or two is okay right i feel like you just do it out of guilt if it's a if it's a wedding where people get fucked up you're giving a gift to the parents as well like get a sitter come have a wedding in philly like there's like a 90 chance that both sides are going to have a fist fight

with each other yeah there's there used to be a Toth Rocky Toth Rocky wedding yeah oh yeah

there was a video like an old like a world star video of like a fight in a at a Philly wedding and it's like filmed perfectly

from like these steps above it and like the fight spills all over but I think a dude I think an old dude like died from a heart attack like yes throughout or like after the fight or something all over. I think an old dude died from a heart attack throughout or after the fight or something

like that, but it was a crazy beautiful shot. Was it scored by Enya? Yeah, it was John Williams. They had it in slow motion. It was on a phone camera. If the wedding photographer had shot that, that would have been fucking sweet as shit.

They had just a sweet-ass wedding video fight. Wedding videos should be more like, they should do more with them. They should be more badass. You ever see the Middle Eastern ones where they dance with the guns? Oh, just fire them right into the air? People die. But there's like a four-year-old with

a fully automatic on the back of an army. They're having a blast. They're giddy. I want to go to an Indian wedding so fucking bad. Oh, yeah. It's like three days of all sorts of different awesome celebrations. Oh, yeah. Cool garb.

Yep. Yeah. Sweet-ass garb. I'm sorry I'm not sorry. Come on, invite us if you're out there and you're having an Indian wedding soon. Lil Uzi. Oh, yeah. Lil Uzi just shows up to soon oh yeah it's a Palestinian order I think people just DM on an Instagram and say can you come to my

wedding it just shows up I mean the those whatever the name of those blankets are that they have over their shoulders the swag're so swaggy. Yeah, those are cool. Look fucking drippy as hell. And they probably pay a lot for the high-end ones. Yeah. Just having that, like, presence of mind to be able to perform like that or, like, always just show up in a high-pressure situation and make it fun for everybody. That's probably the best perk of fame is showing up to weddings. What a sort.

That would be awesome to be like, oh, Bill Murray does. Yeah. Maybe a dickhead. Just make it all about you. Yeah. For people. Who was it? Joel Embiid just recently, like on the chairs at the Jewish wedding.

Yes. He was dancing around and doing like a circular dance that they have. Wedding traditions are fantastic. I haven't been to it. When's the next? I have a Deptford, New Jersey wedding coming up. Oh, down in Deptford? Down in Deptford with my cousin Bill.

Oh, wait. West Deptford? It's supposed to be a banger. I'm really looking forward to it. Yeah. It's going to be good. I got super jealous when they were naming local shit, like the Tomato Festival. So I've been trying to pepper as much address-based comedy.

Where's Deptford? Jersey. South Jersey. Very Jersey. Southwest Jersey. I'm by Mooresville. Morristown? Morristown, yeah.

A little further south. Where was Asher Roth from, though? He was always shouting out Morris something. Is he Jersey? No, he's like Westchester or Yardley, I think. I didn't know he was from this area at all, somehow. Delco?

Yardley, I think, is Bucks County. Bucks. Let's find out. Morrisville. Yeah, Morrisville, Pennsylvania. I had no idea. Inferi High School, Westchester University. Isn't Lil Dicky from the Philly Burbs, too? Lil Dicky's from the Philly Burbs, too.

Philly's hot rock, fellas. Hell yes. You frozen? Whoa. I just wasn't moving. I don't know. They can't figure it out. Damn.

I spoke at the intern luncheon yesterday. Oh, yeah. How'd that go? I gave them terrible advice, dude. What was it? What'd you say? I said that just be happy with whatever you have and don't really strive for anything more. That's pretty good advice. I don't know.

Just float. You were never an intern. No, I wasn't an intern. Right. And I failed so much in life, dude. I wasn't able to impart that they should overcome failure at any point. What did you say? Is that really what your message was?

No, it was the opposite. I told them that they are going to all fail. And the faster they can come to grips with that, the faster they'll be able to enjoy their life. Yeah. That's pretty good. True or false? That is pretty good. What did you say when you talked to them, Nick?

Mine was like a nonverbal thing. You did a mime act. You did a mime act. I did a mime act. Yeah, I heard about that. Eat parts. That's just symbolic though. Kyle, what are you doing this weekend? I don't know yet.

What's going on on Sunday night, Nick, that you're so busy? What? Oh, you're going to be at the wedding. You're not going to be back. I'll be on a bus. I won't be here. Yeah. Come through. Come through. Just keep it down low. Keep it on the down low.

Hell yeah. Eric? I don't know about that. I don't know about Eric. We need some fucking... Yeah, fuck it. I don't care. Eric can get in that bitch. Yeah, Eric has to bring two chicks. Good luck.

Yeah, right. Fatso. He ain't gonna fucking bring any chicks because he doesn't have it like that. Nope. Now should we end the show? Yeah, let's wrap it up. Yeah.

It kind of... But it's... We rode it until the momentum grinded it to the halt. We kind of let the- I was just talking to you guys. Laws of physics kind of take over on that one. Yeah.

You know when you're riding a boogie board and the wave starts to peter out a little bit, but then it picks up a little bit and then it dies out, and now I feel like we're up on the stand. Yeah, boogie board. Yeah. We're ashore.

Boogie board. All right. Okay. It's the act It's the act It's the act It's the act It's the act