The Yak - The Entire Barstool Office Has Fart Fever | The Yak 1-4-23

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Abe Lincoln was really next upYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. It's the act. It's the act. Yes, time to talk shop. We're doing Yankees pop. It's the act. Whoa. That was an abrupt end.

I need some of that. What's up, everyone? I'm hot and bothered. Why? I was going to be late. I was going to be very late to this show. I was supposed to do the pro football football show at noon. No fault to Dion, but his fucking team is a bunch of idiots. He handpicked them all.

They're as close as his family. Isn't it his children? It's true. I sat down at noon. We were supposed to do it at noon. Totally fine. The advisors at 11, pro football show at noon, yak at 1. I sit down at noon.

They had not tested anything. They spent the next hour just testing things because they couldn't figure it out, and I just sat there like a fucking loser. So I was just like, I'm not doing this show right now. So that's just my love for the Yak. That's love. That's real love. Oh, it's like, what are we doing?

We're fart brothers and sisters in here, too. Like, Dion, fart with us one time. I watched along and tried to fart, couldn't muster one. But like, for the viewer at home, I guarantee you everybody tried to push one out and see who they could beat on the Yak. I mean, they'd definitely beat me.

I had to spread my asshole to where, I don't know if it counts as a fart, gas escaped. Gas came out. Does that count as a fart? It might have just been like flowing through the night. I just don't know where it stops becoming a fart. I am a bad teammate because I left Steven back. Who's doing the show right now?

Who's doing the show? Gary. Oh, Gary's on the desk? Yeah. That's awesome. It'll be fine. It'll be great. That's awesome of you

to come yak with us. No anger at Dion. It's his fucking people. How do you not have anything set up? There goes Dave. If you knew the show was going to be here forever,

who's that? That's Dave. His ass thought it was Dave. His ass thought that was Dave? That's Carson Presley from Queer Eye. My point was that anytime Dave comes in now, he's wearing a suit.

All I saw was a suit. I instantly thought it was Dave. He had slick back hair. Slicked back hair. Who was it? Who was that? Carson Kressley from Queer Eye. He's one of the gayest humans. He was the first man to fuck another man.

He really might have been the first gay. I think that's my introduction to gay. Yes. It's Queer Eye. Yeah. I'm trying to think. My mom cried when Ricky Martin came out. Oh.

Because she was mad? Yeah. She was so pissed. She was so pissed. She was so pissed. Hey, wait. It goes to a shot with him. How's strep throat? It's bad.

Is it contagious? No, I'm good. I'm taking a big-ass antibiotic. Does it make you feel better right away? Pretty fast. My throat was disgusting yesterday. Wait, so when are you not contagious anymore? I think I'm good.

They said I was good. These doctors. Yeah, I think it's really fast with that. It is almost like a genius pill where it's like, oh my God. Yeah, and it's awesome that I'm taking an antibiotic because I can pretend like I'm doing dry January. I feel better than all of you guys. Yeah. Oh, you're drinking?

Well, Friday. What's Friday? Fishbowl. Oh, fuck. What am I going to do? You're going to get fucked up. Oh, Jesus. My liver is going to... Oh You're going to get fucked up. Oh, Jesus. My liver is...

Oh, my God. I'll take one with you. Okay. I'll take an antibiotic. All right. All right. We'll all take antibiotics. One of us shouldn't.

We'll take all of Nick's antibiotics. One of us should take a placebo. Everyone else take antibiotics. I'm going to take a probiotic. I've been on an antibiotic since the day after Christmas, and it wasn't strong enough, so I had to get me a bigger one. Is that like neo-science? You can't drink on antibiotics?

So hard on your liver, I think. I don't know. I don't know. You don't know about that. You don't know about that. That's probably what happened to you. You were just pounding booze on antibiotics and it went to your brain. I was looking online how I could drink, and somebody was just like, you need a probiotic.

So I think if I chase, or if we pour kombucha in the fish bowl, I think I'll be able to partake. Yeah. Noted, because I have all the accoutrements. You got booch? Oh, yeah. Do you have kombucha? I'll get some. I'll toss some in.

Hell yeah. One time I tried to drink on just a couple Tylenol and it was like right out of college. It was the worst stomach ache I ever had. It was like a knife in my stomach. I guess, yeah, I have done, I've drank on like taking

medicine and it hasn't gone well. I never really put that together. Scabies medication. If you're ever on scabies prescription and then you drink, it will fuck you up. It's like taking a Xan. What? No, taking a Xan and drinking is... Well, yeah, that's the time traveling.

Concussion and drinking is kind of wavy for a woman. Yeah. Oh, really? Very much not. You want to know what's the craziest thing? That's the worst hangover. And people should not do this. We are not role models.

But in college, I would do a good deed, and like once a semester, I would give blood, and then I'd get so fucked up right after. Oh, yeah. If you drink right after giving blood, you get wasted. Yeah. It was awesome. Because isn't the whole thing blood alcohol level? Yeah.

And you just have way less blood. Yeah. It's fucking awesome. We used to drink the, fuck, what you just have way less blood. Yeah. It's fucking awesome. I used to drink the... Fuck, what is it called? The Fortified Wines. There's... Not Mad Dog 2020. There's another one. Boone's Farm?

Not Boone's Farm. Bootleger? Fuck, this is gonna kill me. I'll think of it eventually. Chat's gotta know. Chat's gotta know. What is the chat saying? Chat's got our back. Chat's gotta know. It's a fortified wine.'s it's so bad it instantly makes you feel warm it's like putting on a sweater a wool sweater after you take four sips that is nice what the fuck blackberry brandy for me kate you farted yesterday that's disgusting. That was... A little much. We have been doing this show for a long time.

I think the hangover laughter I had, I just kept on watching the best of clip. I watched your fart. It was such a classic. It was Texas fart. It was a classic. It was such a fart that I couldn't get over it. That needs to be in the...

What's the library that classic songs go to? Library of Congress? Yeah, that fart needs to go there. In the library of Congress. Or that record that we have out in space that has all the hits. We've got to put that fart in a box and bury it in a time capsule. Send it to the aliens or something. Can we time capsule the fart?

We've got to put it in a time capsule to be dug up a thousand years from now. A little soundboard with Roan's scream, Kat's fart. Yeah, we need a soundboard badly. Oh, Irish Rose. All right, I got it. That was what it's called. I've never heard that. Someone else wrote robo-tripping in there, and I did that as well.

Oh, yeah. I did that in high school. That was stupid. You just take so much Robitussin. I feel like you have no bones. You just have to fight to stay awake. Again, we're not role models. I tried to run it back with NyQuil, too.

I remember just standing in a Wawa parking lot and Seattle passing around a bottle of NyQuil trying to get destroyed off of it. It doesn't work at all. It doesn't do anything. I just always fell asleep. You did? You have to break through the sleepinessiness is that what you have to do you

have to fight it yeah that's when i played rugby in college i broke some ribs during a game we were playing west virginia and the guys team west virginia and the girls team west virginia they both came up so we had like a massive party after the games at our rugby house and so i had broken a rib and i was on vicodin and 40 ounces and I saw like the West they like it was club team so everybody had to drive up kind of thing I was like wouldn't it be funny if I hid in one of their cars and like surprised them well I fell asleep I woke up and I woke up on a couch I look out the window and I'm like I'm on a mountain like I'm in the mountains and I'm like, I'm on a mountain. Like I'm in the mountains.

And I, it turns out I went to West Virginia. Like I fell asleep and they just, they're like, she's along for the ride. Oh my God. This sounds like a made up story, but I told this story on Barstool Radio once and the guys called in. They're like, we remember you. That was crazy. And this guy, Clint Feely, full Christian name, had to drive me all the way back to IUP from West Virginia. Holy shit.

Yeah. I love the idea of like, I'm going to surprise them. Yeah. I was like, this is going to be hilarious. And then. Just knocking out. That's hilarious that that's also, it's true to brand. That's who Kate has always been surprising people like out of a pile of clothes.

I do love surprising pregnancies. Yeah, you did that. Oh, yeah. You're not going to believe this. Yeah, you did that when you hid in my pile. Yeah. You scared the shit out of me. Yeah.

You hid in there for a while, too. Long time. I have a lot of. I think that's what happened in the car. I was like waiting and waiting, and then. You were on Vicodin. Somebody came, and then. Yeah, you were on Vicodin.

I felt great, though. That's when they were giving out opiates. Oh, my God. Candy. Candy. I got so much Vicodin when I got my wisdom teeth taken out. So bad. Yeah, they don't do that anymore, I don't think. No, they shouldn't. It's worse.

I'm word impacted. They didn't have to put me under, and they still gave me Vicodin. Yeah. It's crazy to think how long it took for someone to be like, hey, wait, this is really, really bad. Yeah. It is really, really bad. Well, yeah, a little bit of pain.

What happened to just getting through a little bit of pain like what happened to just like getting through a little bit of pain for i don't know yeah it's fine you guys watch that uh dope sick yeah yeah i mean it ravaged yeah entire region and they were like they when people started getting super addicted they were like that pseudo addiction they need more yeah right then they created the 80 milligram pill fucking terrible crazy terrible people well now that they cracked down on it here, they're doing the same, like the crazy marketing plans that they had. They're just taking them to like third world countries now and there's not really as much money.

It's crazy. Fuck. Aren't those guys still like multi, multi billionaires? Oh, yeah. Yeah. They just took all their names off the museums and were like, man, justice served. Yeah. We're going to fine you $3 billion of the $11 billion you made.

And you can't have your name over the bathroom at the MoMA. Yeah. What? Come on. Job well done. Oh, man. But yeah, yesterday was so fucking funny. Are we in the trust tree?

Shit yourself. Not me. If you're going to say something. I didn't shit myself, but there were... I left it all out on the field, and there were some still on the field. This was another wheel idea that I had, tighty-whitey week where you have to wear the same pair every day

and see who's the most streaked up at the end of the week. Oh, my God. Check-ins every day to make sure you have them on. So, I mean, I'm sure people would change out of them, but for at least the duration of the act. I would take a million showers that week. Just making sure. Yeah.

Hidey-widey week. Steven would just be covered in poop. Oh, yeah. Why, were you just streaked up yesterday? There was a little. Yeah? Yeah. It's kind of like when you drive by an accident,

and you're like, oh, that's where They try to stop The guardrails Were a little bit Ripped up Yeah Jerry Thought he shit himself And then put his hand

In his pants He did? To check to see If there was shit He did Seeing is believing man Yeah Jerry's an all time

What did he touch His asshole? Touched his like Boxers And pulled his hand up He went in And he was like I remember he went like this to like block it

so he couldn't see he's just an all-time like hang guy just down for anything and just that that was the best part of the show was not even the farts it was the attempts and then jerry just sitting there being like this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do it's like dude you you overcame crack addiction like you've done way harder. I felt like I was coming down from heroin last night after eating all that shit. You ate so much garbage. I felt so shitty, and I was farting like a bandit all night last night. Yeah. Terrible.

I talked to you on the phone. I farted on the phone to you. You did? Yeah, we forgot how digestion works. Yeah, it doesn't happen right away. I thought that shit was going to hit the stomach right away. No. Stu. Hey, Stu. to hit the stomach right away. Stu. Hey, Stu.

Did you see your Stu? His pace. Why would you see his pace? Yeah, very saunter, yeah. He just did advisors, and Jerry did a Frank the Tank impression that was quite accurate. Problematic? I don't know. I don't know how it will play. that was quite accurate. Problematic or?

I don't know. I don't know how it will play. Jerry's like best friends with Frank. You know they take walks together? No. Yeah, but he lives across the street from us. And Doug's too. I saw him going to like.

Yeah. Frank and Jerry just will like on like a random, like on just a Saturday, they'll just go for a walk together. That's I, on Christmas, I was like,, Doug, if you don't have anywhere to go, like come over Christmas night or like either morning or whatever. And he was like, no, no, we'll be at Jersey Jerry's. I was like, pardon me?

Yeah, he has them over. I just like driving by and seeing Frank and Jerry just sauntering down the streets of New Jersey. Holding hands, someone goes by and they drop it. Yeah. Hilarious visual. They have a Tuesdays with Maury-ass relationship. Oh, dude, that was a good book because it was so short. Mitch Albom before he was a liar.

Yeah. Is he a liar? Didn't he lie? Dude. Just now. Yeah. This woman who faked her suicide. She faked her suicide.

What? Promote her book? Fucking nuts. Yes. Can we find her? I just saw that from Jeff. Jeff D. Lowe just tweeted. I looked at it all very quickly, but it seems like this woman faked her own suicide to promote her book.

Logged onto her Facebook two years ago. It was like, hey, it's this woman's daughter. My mom just killed herself. And stayed out of the public eye for two straight years and then all of a sudden just popped back up well this was right after

she released a book yeah and then presumably more people would buy it and the story was that she killed herself because like the book industry

was so mean to her a little on the nose what unbelievable because no one would buy my book Susan Meachin holy shit

should maybe think about she opens up she She opens up the new post and it says, I debated on how to do this a million times and still not sure if it's right or not. Yeah, no, it's wrong. Look at the last line. Let the fun begin. All right, so yeah. I'll read this for the people who are listening to the podcast. So this is a woman who pretended to commit suicide.

I debated on how to do this a million times and still not sure if it's right or not. There's going to be tons of questions, a lot of people leaving the group, I guess. My family did what they thought was best for me and I can't fault them for it. I almost died again at my own hand and they had to go through all the hell again.

Returning to the war doesn't mean much, but I'm in good place now and I'm hoping to write again. Let the fun begin. She doesn't see any wrong. No. She's Huck Finning. Tucker Max would never.

Never. Tucker Max just lives a regular life now, I think. I think so. I have to give her just a little bit of credit because haven't you guys all fantasized about this? About going to your own funeral? This is how we got seen it. Oh, yeah.

It was the conversation with John Cena that went into the most awkward moment in part of my take history. Yeah. Being like, if the internet said you died, wouldn't it be cool to watch the love come in? Yeah. Everybody wants that. I mean, this was fucked up. This woman went to the full extreme. Well, now we know how to get to 200K.

I know, that's what I'm saying. If we all have a pact and we all disappear for a couple years. Two years? Where did she go? Yeah, how do you hide that for so long? I don't think she was famous at all. No, I think it's a lower level. Just a random person.

Did I forget to mention that Brandon's not here because he killed himself yeah he did right where is brandon uh i haven't seen him in like a month six feet under no he's taking a couple days off because he was he had to do that whole wyoming trip and oh yeah arizona i think he'll be in tomorrow he'll be back he texted me the other day for the first time since the christmas special and then we were both like yowzes Because the last thing above that was Rachel Dolezal I totally forgot Lucky girl

People didn't like the O'Daniacs I feel like those are just not hardcore Yak fans They're newcomers Yeah it was probably a lot of people's first time Seeing it It is very stupid on its surface level, but the whole point is that we make fun

of random names and people and riff off of it. It'll be appreciated like two or three decades from now. I'd agree. It's like a Picasso. Monet, was Monet the one that was poor as fuck? Yeah, yeah. Van Gogh. Van Gogh, yeah, yeah.

That's got to be the worst. Yeah, dying right before you get famous. Yeah. Singer of Sublime. Yeah. Damn shame. The guy that made Rent. Oh, yeah.

Really? He died right before it came out. Heath Ledger died right before. No, but he had a good amount of fame. Not as famous as he would have been. Barbara Walters. Barbara Walters. She died right before. Suzanne. Not as famous as he would have been. Barbara Walters. Barbara Walters. She died right before.

Suzanne. What's her name? Abe Lincoln. Susan. Yeah, Abe Lincoln. He was next up. He was. Saying a president is next up.

Yeah, I was buying stock in Abe Lincoln right around 1865. He probably died at... His stock probably went out at an all-time high. Oh, yeah. Or low, depending on where you live. Yeah. You know who did before a big one? Jesus.

Yeah. Shit. He was... Yeah. He became huge. Yeah, some... I mean, like... Did you already say the guy from Sublime?

Yeah. Yeah. No. Bradley. Oh, my bad. Sublime fucking kicks ass. I feel like Fillmore was never up. Who?

Millard Fillmore. He could go to the pub and no one would know. Also, two weird names. Both his first and last name. Millard. Both grandma-ass names. I don't even think he has an elementary school. Can you look up Millard?

Yeah. Does he have a street? Does he have an avenue? He's got a... He doesn't even have a street. He he have an avenue? He's got a... He doesn't even have a street. I've never seen this. If you look up Millard Fillmore Street... Guarantee his hometown has a statue.

Look up Millard Fillmore Street. I don't know anything he did. Like, what would his legacy be? Was he the one who got sick and died? Oh, that was Harrison, I think. That guy's a fucking pussy. Was it William Henry? Who was the guy that got the pneumonia?

Him or Benjamin. He died like 10 days after becoming president, right? Yeah, his speech was too long outside. He was a tough guy. All-time puss. That's why he died? I think he was just in the cold during his inauguration speech. Rambling.

He was in cargo shorts. Yeah, he was in cargo. In a stringer tee that said Gold's Gym. He was in his 40s. Oh, is that Millieie that's a bad statue he's just sitting statues rough and his balls are getting crushed yeah for eternity for eternity manspreading he should hate him with his legs wide open remember that video the italian politician who sat on his own balls yes yes one of, yes. One of the all-time.

I used to host birthday parties in a big inflatable obstacle course in high school, and the first time I went down the slide, sat on my balls like four times. They were like, come on, it was my training. They were like, take her for a spin. I was up at the top, and I jumped, big smile, slam, slam, slam, four times on my balls.

I knew you had long balls. Yeah, that's a sneaky brag, right, that your balls are so big you can sit on them? Yeah. They're long. Yeah. Don't you guys hate it when your dickhead rubs against the urinal mat? It smells good, yeah, but...

You're going to take a shower every day I get home because my dick's just been rubbing around on the streets of New York? Go in a sewer? Yeah. Oh, no. I'm getting a little wheel put on the end of New York. Go in a sewer? Yeah. Oh, no. I'm getting a little wheel put on the end of mine so I can... You could see the tread mark from the bottom of your shoe on your dickhead.

Hell yeah. That would be dope. That would be dope as fuck. Dude, I was farting yesterday. Afterward. Big old dump after. Yes. I don't think I farting yesterday. Afterwards. Big old dump after. Yes. I don't think I farted yesterday.

Once. So you would have been brothers in arms, sealed up. Yeah. Sass, I can't believe how easily it came to you. You're a natural. That was it? 11 minutes? Yeah, and I think KB was 25 minutes.

And we're keeping it on the wheel. Oh, yeah. I hope it comes back up in like three months, but it also would be so funny if it came back today. No, because I think you guys all have one in the chamber. I do. I did. I brought a lot.

No, I definitely brought one. Right now. I ate Mexican for lunch. I was like, I have to be ready. Yeah. I lost three pounds from shitting out everything yesterday. Went from 178 to 175. I ate a Quest bar this morning

and those things just tear right through you. Let's just spin it now so we can get the ball because I have a feeling. Quest bar guy, I interviewed him. Yeah, yeah, you told me about that. He's the one who said that when I asked like what,

he's like, I used to be fat and then I decided to get in shape. I was like, why? He's like, I imagined someone coming into my house and raping my wife and not being able to defend her. I was like, why? He's like, I imagined someone coming into my house and raping my wife and not being able to defend her. I was like, I guess whatever motivates you, bro. Yeah.

Couldn't do it without that. Psychopath. It's quite dark. And then I created Quest. That's my Quest. That was my Quest. Did you get into the P game first? I was on a Quest to stop rapes.

Like the drug testing? Or is that separate entities? I think that's separate entities. You just got both Quest. Wait, what? Is that a... Oh, Diagnostics. Quest Diagnostics.

Oh. But not the same guy, does it? Quest Bar. Right. Quest School of Wrestling. I think Quest got bought, right? That's what we really need to do, is create some kind of snack or something

that then gets bought by the big boys. When I first moved to new york quest sent me like a massive box of of quest shit like a year supply of quest why i think i like wrote a blog or something about it about them it was like right when i got hired at barstool your intro blog was just about quest bars i don't remember what it was but uh i was just eating just strictly Quest stuff. They have chips and everything, and poops were just sliding out of my ass. I don't think I had to wipe for a year straight. Sass's blog was like, just moved to New York.

Hope I don't get raped. Yeah. Well, he got some bars for you. Yeah, let's spin it now. Tomorrow we're going to do my wheel. Okay. Because we had to not post my

wheel. That is bonus, but I think we, I mean, you did do what you had to do with that wheel. It's not like you shortchanged it. You don't have to. I was saying more just the wheel is just, but we can skip my wheel. No, let's do it. I think we should do it. It will come up on its own. I just don't want you. I was saying more just the wheel is just, but we can skip the wheel. No, let's do it. No, I think we should do it. It will come up on its own.

I just don't want you to feel bad is my point that you did give us a wheel slice. It was a genius wheel. Exactly. And the real one saw it. It's going to be bad if it's fart eliminator again. I know. I'd almost take wet over it. Kelly Keeg said we should burn the whole room down.

Oh, my God. I had a feeling we should burn the whole room down. Oh my God. I had a feeling it was going to come to this. No. I had a feeling. No. No, I refuse. We're just a fart show now. I had a feeling it was going to come to this.

I was lying. I did not prepare for this. I'm fully prepared. Wait. Shut up. No, that's not the fart mic. I think we got to do the fart mic for the beginning. Oh, come on. Oh my God. It do the fart mic for the beginning. Oh, come on.

No. No. You trying to set a record? How is every one of yours perfect? This boy plays the hits. I spelled, sorry. Oh, no, that's spelled. Oh, it trailed. Ray, catch me, dude., no, that smelled. Oh, it trailed.

Ray, catch me, Stu. That was a... Oh, no, it trailed. She's climbing up in her face. Oh, bro. He whipped it around this way. Whoa. Open the...

Oh. Yo. He drifted the fart. Oh, my God, that's pungent. He drifted his fart. That is a pungent smell. It smells like you're sick. Oh, no.

I might be. Gee. Oh, no. I might be. Gee. Oh, no. You need to go to the hospital. That's so bad. Oh, no. That was really bad. I feel really bad about that.

I was wondering. They sound so good. I was wondering what the catch was. They stink. Oh, no. Oh, God. I'm really sorry about that. Do we have some spray?

I'm going to be in here all day. Yeah, I'm going to ask. It's going to be sorry about that. Do we have some spray? I'm going to be in here all day. Yeah, I'm going to ask later. It's going to be another long day. Do we have spray? Ugh. Sass? I don't even have a butthole. It had mustard in it.

That was so bad. Oh. I can't believe you had one fucking... Ready to go. Ready to go. Oh, my God. A fart box. What was the time on that?

That smelled like a forced fart. That must have been 30 seconds. It did. You know how forced farts have a smell? It wasn't ready to go. Oh, it was. It was still brewing. It was the time on that? That smelled like a forced fart. You know how forced farts have a smell? It wasn't ready to go. It was still brewing. It was ripe. It was not ripe. That was going to become a turd. That was a

green banana. I am a little worried because I kind of have to shit. Oh no. So what do we do? Do we just eliminate it from the wheel for a little bit? I don't think so. It won't happen again.

No, we're not going to get it three times. Wait, so are we actually doing this again today? Yeah. You have to. Oh, my God. I mean, I guess I could just go do Dion's show now. I mean, we'll still be here. Yeah, we will literally be here in an hour.

Just let it come to you naturally. All right. You want to just do Dion's show? No, no, no. Just everyone let it come to you naturally. All right. You want to just do Dion's show? No, no, no. Just everyone let it come to them naturally. It ain't coming, dude. I spent so much time farting yesterday. Oh.

Do you want Spider to get anything again? Oh, my God. I got nothing. Yeah, last night was brutal. I felt so bad yesterday. I wouldn't mind some jerky and a Diet Coke. You don't have to do this again. You set the tone.

Yeah. Yeah, the clock's already ticking. I think we got to do it again. I don't think we can just ignore it. Yeah, well, that comes... You have a fucking itchy trigger finger. You can just fire off. Give me 10 minutes, and I'll have at least two in the chamber.

What if TJ just rips one because he didn't do one yesterday? I've got to get a milkshake or something. Dude, but it all hit me so much later. I was just laying down moaning for hours. That's what I'm saying. Let's just chill and just yak. We'll eventually get there. I just don't think I'll fart today otherwise.

God damn it. This is funny as fuck. I knew it was going to happen. That's why I wanted to get this half hour head start on it. What are people saying? I just realized. I think they need us to fart again. I can't talk and try to fart at the same time.

I think we just need to do a regular yak and eventually everyone's going to fart. Eventually. We'll just have to do it as long as possible. We don't have to make a big production out of it. How about we do if we get nine farts total? No, no, no, no.

I could put the team on our back. No, KB actually had more farts than me. A lot. KB, you had like four yesterday. Two total. Two total? Yeah, that was it.

Does anyone want a beer? I'm going to try that. That was the only thing that worked for me. I can't have a beer right now. If you get me one right now, it's not stopping until 4 a.m. Oh, my God. Where did you find those yesterday? I found them in the fridge.

They're in the bar fridge. Yeah, both fridges. The stairs are down here. I'm doing dry January. I can't. Okay, I'm going to go get a beer, I guess. I'll bring some snacks from the same area. Oh, you guys are drinking?

No, enjoy. It sounds fun. I'm just, I don't have to. Taking a break. So my buddies were visiting me this weekend, and the last one left this morning, and it was just me and one of them yesterday. And I didn't know what to do, so we just went to a bar. And we tried five places. We were the only people there.

And I was like, it's not that surprising that the first day back at work after January 1st, there's no one at the bars. Boozing. Yeah. It was your New Year's resolution. You guys were searching for a bar with people? I was just searching for something that passed the time because we had nothing to do. He'd already been there for like five days.

That's a long time. Yeah. After a while I just... Yeah, you shouldn't stay that long. No, we kind of got to a point where I was just sitting in my room alone. You okay, Ron? I'm just trying to get it through. I'm just trying to make sure that no burps come up. I'm trying to put a stop.

You're going to overthink it, dude. You just got to wait for it to happen. I just don't. Yeah, I don't know. I just don't fart like that. I farted myself out last night. I'm not going to fart anymore because that last one was so bad. It was really bad.

It was really bad. You should run up the score. You should just see if you can put up wilt numbers. Yeah. If you get 100 farts out before... I feel like that should be the way that we can free the show. If you can get 100 out before... Battery hits for the cycle.

A regular fart, a silent fart, a wet one, and then poop? Oh, man. What a pickle we've gotten ourselves into. This is all Kate's fault. Is this her idea? Yes. It's a way for her to be boozing every day. She is all Kate's fault. Is this her idea? Yes. It's a way for her to be boozing every day.

She keeps on coming home drunk. I mean, I did say that this is the, you know, either today or three months from now would be funny. It's definitely funny

that it hit this, but it's just like, we're just a fart show now. I just need a new strategy. I just need, someone said vitamin C, but I also, that's not how digestion works.

This is, people don't do this. People haven't done this. What do you mean? A last to fart competition on air? Yeah, I guess so. We're kind of. There is nothing for this. Groundbreaking.

Yeah. They need to, I mean. Kate's going to like become an alcoholic for a fart competition. She's drinking a fucking. Drinking on the job again. Everybody else becomes an alcoholic For a fart competition She's drinking a A fucking Drinking on the job again Everybody else becomes Alcoholic because of like A death

One of Relapsed on a fart competition I think I might have one I'll have some fun I feel rumbling I was embarrassed about The ones that came out yesterday I'm afraid I'm gonna burp

Yeah you can't burp Some lame shit Is this why they invented whoopee cushions? Yeah. A burp's a fart abortion, right? DJ and Steven are in for a fucking treat when they get up here. Yeah. We gotta get Jerry. I'm so glad I missed yesterday. Jerry back in here too.

I'm so glad I missed yesterday. No, brother. We're stuck. Yeah, what are you talking about? I know, I know. I will sue. I know. I didn't think it would happen again. Can I propose an idea? I ran into Donnie in the kitchen, and he said,

what if you could each bring in a pinch hitter if you needed? Oh. What about we spin the wheel of the entire contest? Yes. Yeah. We invite them in, and a pinch hitter can't come to you. We're champions. All right.

So, yeah. But if your fart champion can't come to you. We're a champion. All right. So yeah. But if your fart champion can't muster a fart while they're in here, you have to fart twice. Yeah. So it's a gamble. It is a gamble. What if you don't want a replacement? You don't have to take one. Okay, you can spin for a pinch.

If they fail, I think if they outright refuse, you get to spin again. Yeah. Can we pick someone that we think? Because for me, I would call Shady on. I feel like Clemmer would try. I feel like Clemmer would be down and he would try. I think he gets sort of ways through his skin. It's like a high-pitched whistle.

It evaporates. It's like a tea kettle oh excuse me that was a bad one a little bit of steam comes out oh fuck this show is so stupid I love it

I'm really trying to concentrate it out It was smart to spin early though Let's just talk about something else And then we'll eventually get to it When I eventually sat down I don't know how to focus until I get it out I think I gotta change my posture And get my asshole a little bit open

I think the asshole has to be off the chair The chair acts as a stopper, as a levy. I think Glunny's Angels might be coming in, too. Oh, let's see if one of them... If one of Glunny's Angels farts, then the whole show's over. That's a million views instantly. I'm about to turn into a vacuum cleaner. Shotgun, that thing.

Like chasing a bong hit. Hey, pass those Funyuns around when you're done, too. They really are good. They are? I do like those guys, the internet reply guys. Like, I'd suck a fart

out of that ass. One. Yeah, get the Funyuns going because I feel like that's... They are reloaded on snacks in the kitchen so we can go and grab some. Do you want me to go grab some for you guys?

Do you guys think you need it? Oh, they have the fruit snacks. Those I feel like usually are. I'm a Brussels sprouts. Do we have any Brussels sprouts in the kitchen? Yeah, Brussels sprouts, broccoli. Someone commented yesterday or quoted it and was like, I know it smells crazy in there.

Yeah, that joke is supposed to be there. Yeah, it's like... That joke is supposed to be used but it's not explicitly implied. It's a room filled with farts. Yeah, it smelled crazy in there. Oh, man. It's like walking out of the bathroom

and shitting. I'm worried. You can't worry. Let's just like, we'll get through it. Just kind of chill. We like are mentally blocking ourselves from conversing about anything else. It's the implication that we have to. I had a dermatology appointment this morning.

And one thing that kind of weirded me out, I was at the VA, VA hospital. Spot. And the doctor, you have to take everything off, you're like wearing the robe or whatever, but I kept my socks on because it's like my feet, I don't know, I don't think there'd be anything. And the doctor was like, take your whatever, and they were like all up in my feet and my toes, which I feel like it's really vulnerable. They check between the toes, yeah.

They really do, but no gloves, and then didn't wash their hands after, and that really weirded me out. Oh, yeah. Oh, Spider, that was quick. Hell yeah, Spider. Spider, thank you. That was my attempt to distract us so we could fart.

I don't know if that... We got it. We hit it again, Spider. Yeah. Fart wheel. Yeah, fart wheel hit again. I got probably the nicest shoehorn money could buy for Christmas. It's sitting on my desk if anybody wants to use it.

Wait, what is this? What is this? Shoehorn? A shoehorn. I'm a big shoehorn guy. Wait, for real? Yeah, I love them. What do you do?

I think you just turn. There should be a switch. I think there's one that goes in the wall in that bag as well. I think this needs batteries. Yeah? Maybe. Just go in the women's bathroom. They have air fresheners.

Can you toss me a piece of jerky? And Vagisil. A ton of it. Let me get a little jerky, KB. I'll plug these in, but go into the women's bathroom. Thank you, Spider. These are pungent. Yeah, these are good, too.

All right. I'll just throw off some of these bombs. The jerky might honestly cover the smell. Can I have a piece of that? Lavender and vanilla. Nick, you got a shoehorn? Really nice one. Why the hell do you need a shoehorn?

You don't think you need one until you have one. Oh, yeah, that works. What makes a shoehorn nice? Like, what makes it fancy? It's made of a really, really nice steel. Damascus. Damn. That's a Pittsburgh.

Throw that right next to the microphone. The fart microphone? Yeah, the fart microphone. These are like the glad. They're very pungent. I'm excited when we have a guest walk in and we're just like, no, don't use that one. That's the fart microphone.

These are like little These are little like smell bombs Boom I honestly I'm a I'm a anti Air freshener in the bathroom person What? You like people to just be

You don't like I'd rather just smell like shit Than smell like some weird Sort of like vanilla shit Oh I That's weird A mix of like the air freshener And the shit smell

Is way worse Than just regular shit smell The best is a match Match is undefeated Match was the best by far Dropping in the toilet My dad used to just have A box of matches

On his toilet It's way better Yeah My mom Makes you feel like a box of matches on his toilet. It's way better. Yeah. My mom. It makes you feel like a man. Yeah, it does. Oh, man.

Maybe you're using the wrong type of plug-in. Is it like a Glade plug-in or some shit like that? My mom had some spray. There are good sprays. It made it smell terrible. I feel like there are some that mask everything. Yeah, that's a bad take. Cinnamon shit. Bad take.

I miss the pre-phone days. Passed out jerky, too. Having a big The Far Side book or something, like a big cartoon take. Like cinnamon shit. Bad take. I miss the pre-phone days. Pass me a jerky too. Having a big like the far side book or something, like a big cartoon book you'd sit reading. You gotta be kidding me. That was awesome. No. Jerky on the floor.

That was the fucking closest amount of lost all the jerky. You have a whole bag of jerky. I'm going to tear through that. Yeah, that's my bad. Toss me a florky. Yeah, I'll take some florky. Oh, I got one ready to go. One ready to go.

Nick is fucking working so hard right now. All right, go for it. Not right here. Bass. We heard it. I don't know if the mic was turned on. I don't think so. But it definitely counted. I mean, we heard it. I don't know if the mic was turned on. I don't think so.

But it definitely counted. I mean, we heard it. I'm afraid I'm going to have a feminine-ass fart. The mic wasn't on. That was my best one yet. Can't be more feminine. Early-ass sound. That was as soon as I stood up.

It had a muzzle on hers. I know. Like Rowan said, it sounded like a parachute opening. Turn on the mic. Why is everyone... Nice try. Close it. mic nice try close oh no that's all sealed over i can see that k move right here kb didn't uh ignore the squat rack over christmas you're all peaked up and caked up my boy it is looking like kyle lowry a little bit ridiculous. Looking like Maurice Jones Drew. It's a low-key way to help your printout.

You know, pulling on the back of the pants a little bit. I like the FIFA World Cup sweatshirt. Thank you. Just letting everyone know that you're down with Cutter. I have an Iran update. Oh! We talked about it a little bit more at length on Oops, which I just recorded beforehand.

Julio and I have been talking about it a bunch, as has Donnie, and he's been reaching out to guides. That's the best way to do it. And to date, all the guides have said— Oh, Stu, come on in. One sec. To date, all the guides have said that they wouldn't be able to take us. It was a terrible time.

But there's an island called the Kish Island. It's the one part of Iran that you don't need a visa for or anything other than your regular passport. So right now, that's what we're angling for, Kish Island in Iran. Me, Julio, and Donnie. Stu, do you ever fart? I fart a lot. I watched you. Do you have one right now, though? You know something?

I was thinking about doing it, but then I was afraid. I think I would shit in my pants. Well, try. No, no, no. I'm not trying. I'm not trying because at 61, when you force a shit out, when you force a fart, you stain. Do it. Right in that mic.

We hit the wheel again. We have to do it again. There's no way I could do it. You're locked. Wait, all right, I'll try it. But first, let me just say, it's an honor to be on a show that actually pays the bills for the company. So, thank you.

God bless you. The Yak is arguably our best show You know besides Besides part of my take Sports advises No it's the first time I've ever Laid that line down What's doing What do we actually do on this show We just yak

Literally you just share gut level Well listen let's share gut level right now Stop gambling Stop gambling. Stop gambling. Literally stop gambling or take a zero off your fucking gambling. I don't want to hear anybody getting in trouble gambling. I want you to gamble every single day of your life, 10 times a day. But no one gets in trouble. Part of being a stoolie is you don't get in trouble gambling. You're responsible. I love that. Take a zero off what you do. You play your fantasy. You play your best bet tonight. You play 20 games tonight. But you're playing for pennies. Come on, guys. Nobody gets in trouble in 2023. I like it. That is my theme

on the Yaks. Do find it. No one ever gets in trouble gambling. You never bet over your head. I don't care how hot I am. I don't care I'm hitting 77% this year because I have hit 23% certain years. You know that. That's the bottom line. Never get in trouble. Okay? I am. I don't care I'm hitting 77% because I have hit 23%. Seems like conflicting. You know that. That's the bottom line. Never get in trouble. Bet responsibly.

Do you have a fart? Yeah, I fart. A fart. I don't think I can. Alright, turn on that mic. Come on, Stu. Put it in your ass. This will count. Whose fart will this count as? Wait a second. His. His own. Yeah, that just happens.

You have to pay for an outfit. Fine. His. His own. Yeah, that just happens. You have to pay for an outfit. Fine. It's like a thousand dollars. Deal. It has to come down to your leg. Yeah. You have to see the shit? Yeah, yeah.

It has to be on your leg. You're not wearing underwear. That's what even makes me more nervous. Well, there's black pants, then you're good. Of course you're not. I was going to wear a thong, but now what do you do? You just take this and put it down here and fart? Yeah.

However you can do it. I swear to God. No, it's like a shit. I feel you. It's not like a shit. Just is one. Dude, here's what I need you to do because you're about to go on only stands.

Work on it. When you finish the only stands. I have a fart. Run in here. Run in here. Run in here. What time are you doing the show until? Until the last man farts. So run in here.

Crack a dawn. Do it. Okay. All right. I like it. This will be very funny if he just sprints it. I'm going to... Jerry!

I'm going to go eat beans. The minute he sits down, he becomes part of the show again. How'd oops go, Ron? Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. It was fun as fuck. I was supposed to be on, and they were like, all right, wait out here.

We're going to do some ads. They forgot. They forgot about me. I waited. I was on for like three and a half minutes. Love those guys. Jerry, we got good news and bad news. All right, so you want the good news first?

Yeah. All right, so the good news is you're on the act today. Nice. What the hell is that? I don't know. Stu is sitting there. It's his teeth. It's his teeth?

Oh, no. It's his teeth. It's Kate's adult braces. What is it? What is it? Kate's adult braces. Oh, it's yours? All right. So the good news is you're on the act right now.

Do you accept being on the act today? You accept. Do you formally accept? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Bad news is we hit fart eliminator again. Well, I mean, somebody's got to.

Who did it? Anybody do it yet? I did it in 20 seconds. Zass did one. You did one, KB? 0 for 1. Steven, how you feeling? 0 for 1? Yeah, I didn't do it. You can use a pinch hitter.

Did that for real hit? Yes. It hit. I just farted on the set, too, downstairs. Jerry just finished Dos Toros. Yeah, but I farted already. Oh, no. Yep. We're back in the chamber. How did the show go? It literally

started, like, 10 seconds after you left It was fine Did you guys really hit that? Yeah I mean we could play it back Yeah I'd like to see it played back You can have a chance Who's farted?

Me and Sass I want to do another one though Because I'm annoyed that mine didn't get heard Must be nice I feel like it doesn't count. How long ago did it hit? About 20 minutes ago. Okay.

You're good. Oh, Jerry. I need to get Brussels sprouts. Jerry's ready. Get this motherfucker done. You heard it? Yeah. Yeah. It sounded like a finger cracking. It was like...

He just took the safety off. It was so quiet. Yeah. I know what that looked like, and I know what it felt like. Oh, yeah, we've all done that. It was like a little pebble fart coming out. Like a frog blinking. That was perfect.

I didn't hear it. We're going to have to bass boost that. That is literally the last sound you hear before you get shot in the back of the head. Safety off. Where's the jerky? TJ here off. Yeah. Yes, sir.

Where's the jerky? TJ here? Yeah, I got jerky over here. Where's TJ? I'm out. You're out. Yeah, you're out. I mean, hang out, but yeah, you're out.

I keep burping. What the fuck? That's what Rowan's problem was yesterday. Steven is not happy. I don't want to do this again, man. Get more Brussels sprouts. Yeah, I got to go. Can you order? Are you getting Brussels sprouts? Get it, man. Get more Brussels sprouts. Yeah, I gotta go. Are you getting Brussels sprouts? Get it for everyone.

Or get a few orders. I'm going to step out them. Who wants some Brussels sprouts? I think I want to use my pinch. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright. Pinch hitter? Yeah. You could spin the wheel for a champion. If they decline, we have to get together a wheel. Or if they can't muster one.

We already have a wheel of everybody. Yeah, we do. From firing day. If they can't we have to get together a wheel. Or if they can't muster one. We already have a wheel of everybody. Yeah, we do. From firing day. If they can't come in here and do it, you're going to have to fart twice. Because I feel like if I get one, I'll be able to get two. You like a champion, Steven? Risk-reward is fine. No, no, I don't want to put that on somebody. Anyone? I think we should be able to spin and then

decide if we want a champion. If he wants a champion, let's spin. Kate first? You're going to have to fart twice if not. It is what it is. If the person's not located here. Then you get to re-spin. Yeah. What if it's Frank?

What if they say no? And what if it's one of us? Oh, no. Well, you better hope it's me. If it's you, you got to do it. What if it's our own? I'm loaded. Aria.

Aria's got this. He's got this. He's a fart guy. Yep. All right, let's go find Aria. Should I go get him? Yeah. Okay.

Wait. Get him, but don't tell him why. Okay. We'll tell him why here. How many people want Brussels sprouts? I'll take Brussels sprouts, please. TJ. Two.

All right. We got bad news. Dude, it looks like Dave from behind. I don't know how you guys can't see that. What's the news? It does. It does. Did you see the Yak Twitter?

Pull up the Yak Twitter and play it. I think I can go again. Yeah? Don't run up the score. No, I'm not going to do it. Do it, do it. Show some class. What's different about this shot?

It feels like we're in an empty room. Oh, no way. Yes. Yes. Can I hear mine played back? I don't think you can. No, it was weirdly very audible. I heard it clearly.

Yeah, it was just a click. Yeah. So whoever said it sounded like a finger cracking. He did. Who said that? Nick did. It would be great if R.Aas just got a monster one ready. Oh, my God.

That's where we can take this next level. Next level. Oh, Kate is back. Is he out? Is he not here? I'm going to text him. They said he's here, but they haven't seen him all day. I'll text him.

He's in the bathroom. He's in the bathroom letting them all out. He's farting his last fart. I'm going to say come into the act. Look at him now. Does that not look like Dave from behind? No. He looks exactly like him.

Maybe a little. Okay, not there. Not there. Not there. Gayest hug possible. My God. Not in that one I don't think those hands

are attached to his forearms dude's part T-Rex go Prez what you got tonight viva I'm not gonna be able to do this you got it we have all afternoon there's nothing but time I'm not going to be able to do this. You got it.

We have all afternoon. There's nothing but time. Eventually, you'll get there. How was the show? You don't want that at all. It's good? Yeah. So who's out right now? Did you tell Dion's guy that he should be fired?

Me, you, and Big Cat. No, I didn't say that. It's being dealt with. Whoa. That was crazy, TJ. Was it not? Super crazy. And that's not a kid that. It's being dealt with. Whoa. That was crazy, TJ. Was it not? Super crazy. And that's not a kid either.

That's like a... An adult. Yeah. Here he comes. Employee of that company. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Aria.

Uh-oh. He's walking like he's holding one. Aria. What the fuck? Don't talk into that. My God. Fart Eliminator got hit again. Okay.

We have a new rule that you can spin and have someone be your champion. Kate just spun. You are her champion. Fuck. You have one ready to go. I literally... No. You did.

I literally just went to the bathroom. Oh, no. I'm drinking coffee right now. Maybe that'll... If you can't do it... You can come back. I don't know if he can. I don't know if he can. Stay in here. If you can't do it, You can come back. I don't know if he can. I don't know if he can.

Stay in here. If you can't do it, Kate has to fart twice. Grab a sheet and hang out and see how that goes. How about we give you ten minutes? Ten minutes. It should be like a time limit because then if I have to do the two farts, I need like that. I want a coffee too. That's a good idea.

Yeah, coffee is really good. Can I go get a black coffee? Yeah. That was quick. Give me one too. Maybe black coffee? Yeah. That was quick. Give me one too. Maybe nicotine? Yeah. I'm going to run up the score.

Not six. I don't want one. You want to send me right to the hospital? I'm good. I got it in. You're a boss like that. Sass, you and I just get to live the easy life these days. I actually was walking around before the act being like,

oh, man, my stomach hurts. I knew I had to fart. I think we have to make a rule that it can't be hit twice in the same month. Yeah, yeah. what was that he's got nothing the best part is the is the watching people's frustration after failing strictly though would be funny if it hit again tomorrow it would be funny yeah i think we keep it just keep rolling with i think as it gets more and more normal, we'll just have a regular show with farts. We have to be able to do that, yeah. Yeah, that's true. We can't have it stop the whole show every time.

Around like hour three yesterday, it was just silence. And just people rolling around on the ground. I just tuned in and I was just like grunting to myself trying to beat you guys. What if you waste it before you get to the mic? Oh, that's a... It is what it is. What is what?

It's probably a shit. It's clearly something. If you don't know what it is, it's a shit. Nick, how was your break? How was the curve? Oh, it wasn't great. We got stuck in Lancaster for three and a half hours. Oh, Jesus.

Did your broad get stolen? Yeah. Many girls have had that same fate. It's like under siege. The train. Yeah. Was it under siege two or one? This guy came in with a mask.

He said, give me all the pussy. Yeah. Hands up. No one gets hurt if you hand over. I saw the dude riding a horse next to the train. You have a girlfriend, wife, or mother. I need to see it right now. Put the pussy in the bag.

No one gets hurt. His tweets are getting better and better. The one from, did you guys see the one from yesterday? No. Great way to start off 2023 with a milf. Oh my God. Do you think he fucks? It's not a milf if you fucked her yeah it's a yeah yeah yeah it loses the out it's a myth it does mom mom i fucked yeah yeah did you see that girl's tiktok uh where she i'm trying to find it for you tj uh she had her shagify it was insane

she did like a spotify rap for all the sex she had for the year it's fucking hilarious hold on i gotta find it shagify wrapped oh yeah here it. This girl got fucked. She fucked. My college film would be incredibly depressing. Yeah, she had, like, all the stats and everything. That's crazy. I sent it to you, TJ. I just texted it to you. Who is this?

Does she work in sex? No. She likes it a lot. We're numbies. Remember when the Duke girl, this is like early blog era release. Release what? Her whole like she ranked every guy she fucked with in-depth details. Yeah, I do remember

that. Everybody, welcome to my shadow. Uh-oh. Juicy, juicy sex life. Let's go. So, how many sexual partners did I have in the 2022 season? I had 55 in total.

I had the same reaction as you, KB, and then as she went on, I was like, she fucks. What are you saying? You know what I'm saying. You know exactly what I'm saying. You know exactly what I'm saying. You know exactly what I'm saying. You know exactly what I'm saying.

Of those 54 were new to me, which is an average of 1.05 partners a week, which I am pretty proud of, I can't lie. So I'm now up to a total current partner number of 91. Only 12

of them I shagged more than once and 38 of them were met through swingers clubs. The gender split is done into men and women, because as far as I know I didn't shag anybody non-binary. So, in total we had 33 men, 10 of which had big dicks, which I'm counting as 7 inches or bigger. Whoa. Two of those were dilfs.

Women. Nah. 21 women. You sure, KB? Pretty good, giving lots of bisexual energy. Two of those were milfs. I don't think that's bisexual energy. It's just bisexual.

At least I was there. You fucked 21 girls this year. No, no. Two of them were either potentially their first time No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. No, it's gay. shower, but it, you know, affected my sex life, so we're cutting it there, so I don't have to take responsibility for it. Getting out of the shower? How do you remove your nipple right now? I cut urethra from someone's fingernails

and a bruised nose from where someone was sat on my face at a bit of an angle, and it bruised all here. At a bit of an angle. You know, hashtag no regrets. I'd rather have someone sat on my face than a nose that isn't bruised. My favourite shags of the year

was my first greedy girl gang bang i think you know shagging 14 people in one night was pretty impressive of me and i'm very proud of myself for it nothing uh the spontaneous situation i had near my birthday again it was just really horny and i loved it and it was it wonderful. How is she making this topic boring? And then the first time I was tagged in a gay club toilet was also very unexpected. And then we went back to mine. Nothing, KB? What do you mean? What are you trying to get at?

What are you trying to get at? I think Big Head's asking if you would fuck her. Her? No. Did you see how much she fucks? She had 91 shags this year. I should be in the 50s. A toilet shag?

Huh. You want to do a toilet shag? Imagine fucking that girl on New Year's Eve and then waking up to see that. You were laughing. Oh, no. I've got to update me chart. I mean, I don't think you can really even say you wouldn't fuck her because it sounds like she does a lot of spontaneous shags. Right. That's what I'm saying. You wouldn't even have a choice. I don't think you can really even say you wouldn't fuck her, because it sounds like she does a lot of spontaneous shags. Right.

That's what I'm saying. You wouldn't even have a choice. I wouldn't have a choice. Just be caught in an Uber pool with her, and next thing you know, you're shagging. You're in a spontaneous threesome shag. Pushing. Oh, no. Arya's pushing.

I forgot Arya was in here. The angels are here. Are we going to ask one of the angels to fart? I mean, this is just going to make my farts never happen. Yeah, yeah. And they're being so armed. Are we going to ask one of the angels to fart? This is just going to make my farts never happen. Somebody hide them. Why are there so many dudes around them? Like a school of fish. What the fuck is going on?

Why is Doug just hovering? What the hell is going on? Let's eat. Oh my God. I mean, should we ask? It's the etiquette. You can ask Stu to ask. Stu would ask.

Wait, don't waste it, though, Ari. You've got to do it in the mic. I'm trying to conjure it up. I think you've got nothing. I feel like I've got nothing. All right, so two from Kate. I'll let Kate spin one more time. All right, you can be dismissed, Ari. It's okay. Oh, bruh, sit down. I'm let Kate spin one more time. Alright. You can be dismissed, Aria.

It's okay. I'm disappointed in myself. I'd let Kate spin one more time just because it's very funny. If I have to do two farts, I should get Kate. Yeah, you do one more spin. Kate, just let me know next time. I literally went to the bathroom. We had a feeling in our bones that that was happening.

Thank you for trying. Thank you for your time. I love this giant wheel. Wait, Kate, if you guess who it lands on, you've got to marry them. Who is it? Oh! Tyler Miller? Tyler!

Just no way in hell. He's never farted. There's no way. He has the diet of an amoeed. He's never farted? There's no way. There's no way he's going to fart. He has the diet of an amoeba. Damn. Does anyone have his number? Yes.

Do you mind just texting him? I'm telling him. He's probably watching right now. You got a fart? Tyler. I just want someone to, I think it'd be so funny if someone just walked in, ripped one, and just walked out. Yeah.

That would be a power move. Say a word. Yeah. TJ, you got one? I'm just bugging. Give it. Get Stephen Chay's mic so Stephen has to talk into your fart. Blow up that booth.

Oh boy. Oh no. What a shit. Oh no! It's a fine line. Oh no. I don't know how to explain this, but that Sparceville sports sweatshirt, the gray one, looks like a sweatshirt you'd take a big shit in.

Yeah. Like you're at home, you're comfy. You're saying I look like I take big shit? Yes. Oh, that's a compliment. That's a source of power. Guys who take big dumps rule the world. That's just a fact.

Jerry knows. Yep. Dumps. He's just a fact. Jerry knows. Yep. Don't see. Here we go. He's got one. Someone else. Oh, Roan. What's he doing?

You're so tangled up, by the way. I know. I'm bad for Roan. Because I'm not going to. If I walk a little bit, it just sucks back up into my asshole.

Yeah. If I like even went across the room, I need to, because I felt going down, but. You really need it like in the cheeks. No, right? It has to be up into my asshole. Yeah. If I, like, even went across the room, I need to, because I felt it going down, but. You really need it, like, in the cheeks. No, right? It has to be out of the asshole when you're walking.

I've gotten to where I can feel that orb of gas. Yeah. Right on that precipice, and then I stand up, and I feel it shoot up my body. Beautiful. Like there's tubes in the middle of McDonald's. Jerry, what teams did you pick for me? All good ones. Yeah.

Yeah. You did Nathan Peterman? No. I picked the Vikings. Get a ones. Yeah. You Nathan Peterman? No. I pick the Vikings. Who'd you take in the Packers? Lions. I pick the Lions. Hell yeah. Who'd you take in the Steelers Browns? Steelers.

Oh. Makes sense. Yep. Nick, you gonna come on the stream on Sunday? Invited. Steelers going to the play? I think I have to fly to TCU. Oh. Damn. If they win, PFT and I, in a moment of spontaneity,

we offered to buy a pizza party for the entire football team. Like 200 pizzas. I'll be boots on the ground. All right, so you let them know. Well, they're not going to be there. No, you let them, everyone else know. Okay, I will. Pizza's coming.

Pizza's coming. I'll tell you. Pizza's coming. Big Cat's ordering 200 pizzas for 80,000 people. No, it's just for the team. Pizza per person Are you going KB? I don't think so

Nice Nicky you're going by yourself? Nick go do it Solo Nicky? Why don't you go with him? You going to Georgia? I guess I could I don't know what

I'm not trying to make Lattman texted me today And he asked about me going to TCU, so I'd imagine. Or maybe nobody's going to be in Georgia? Yeah, they probably won't care in Georgia. They just won. They just need Nicky and T. Well, Nick's never been wrong.

I got one. Yeah, I guess you're right. I got a big one. You got a big one? Yeah. Oh! We just have to crab walk. That's the problem with standing up.

I haven't crab walked in a long time. That used to be a lot of fun. I will when I have to fart, because I don't want to lose it. Steven, what's up with your hair today? What are you trying to impress? I did it for the pro football football show. Oh.

But I kind of look like a little boy with it. Yeah, you do. Like Mike McDaniels. Yeah. Oh. Oh. That's not a good thing right now. Well, it was accurate, but yeah.

You got slick as hell disease. Who are? That's a... You got slick as hell disease. You are. That's a compliment. Slick as hell. Terminal. Not the worst. Kate's just chugging beer. I think my tummy hurts.

That's good. Not for your nose. You guys probably talked about this, but did you guys all fart a ton last night? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I shit a lot.

So, I mean, that's the thing is, like, we could just do the show for the next six hours. We'll be fine. Got to find something else to talk about. Yeah, we do. Anyone following the Idaho murders? No. Can you give me, like, a breakdown? Did you hear about the whole like BTK connection thing?

No. That was like, you know the BTK killer, right? Yes. Yeah, apparently, I think that takes place in Kansas, right? Yeah, there's a criminal law class and the professor of that class is very in touch with the btk killer like for like studying purposes okay and like has like created like a professional friendship or like work relationship with that btk killer for like years and apparently that the Ohio murderer was, took the class from that professor. So.

This just sounds like the lambs? There's like theories that like he like was like met the BTK killer and like. Is that like a deep theory? That's from the BTK killer's daughter. Whoa. That's, yeah, that's crazy. Wait, so can you give me a quick refresher of what's going on? I have not followed a single second.

The suspect is a man from Pennsylvania who was just arrested in rural Scranton area. Okay. He was a student at nearby Washington State. It's just down the road. Okay, from Wyoming? Eight minutes from Idaho. Idaho, sorry, yeah. He was a criminology student getting his PhD.

So, you know, and the only thing, he was on Reddit. There's one piece of social media from him. He was on Reddit doing a poll on, like, asking ex-cons, like, what it felt like or when they were committing their crimes. Stuff like that. Like, the whole poll. And. How many people did he kill four out of how how long i get four at once right oh i got four at once with yeah like a single night jesus christ they're

saying look most people they don't start out their murders with four people so they're like there's a good chance that he's done more oh fuck and what. And what's this guy's name? Brian Kober. Tough year for Brian. Wasn't that the other guy's name? He has a haunting look to him. He looks creepy. People are always like, yeah, you only say that

because you know what he's done. But no, I think he... Can I see a picture of him? He got pulled over twice by the cops on his drive from Washington back to to pennsylvania with his dad yeah that's a 40-hour drive and they're saying like i guess they didn't even stop right yeah they got pulled over for tailgating um which is i don't know if that's common and i've never heard of it so wait and they got pulled over and oh yeah oh yeah he did it yeah he looks like dennis

reynolds yeah so wait so he got pulled over and they just... Let him go. They knew what car they were looking for, I guess, at this point. So maybe the cops were... I think that was what it was. Like, checking in and being like, we know where he is. Yeah, just to confirm it was him in the car. Like, that was his car.

Yeah. And did his dad know? I'm suggesting not at all. That's crazy. I gotta read about this stuff. It's weird about, hey, Dad, can you come fly out

to Washington real quick and we're just gonna speed across the country in the car? I don't know. if I was moving across the country, one of my parents would volunteer to join. Yes.

Right? It's, like, dangerous. Like, it's a long drive falling asleep and stuff. But, one, like, 40 straight? That's weird. And the cop who pulled him over

asked him, like, oh, you're driving to PA? Like, what are you, afraid of flying? You couldn't hear what he said in response. But that is a good out. You just say, yeah, I'm afraid of flying. If I knew the cops were on me like that, though, or whatever.

Have you ever heard of John Madden? Yeah. Just taking the bus? Yeah. Well, he's flying to Idaho now, so. Oh, with the police. Got ext the bus? Yeah. Well, he's flying to Idaho now, so. Oh, with the police. Got extradited? Yep.

Waived his extradition hearing? Damn, that's crazy. I'm excited for, or not excited. No, you can say it. You're excited. There's going to be some teams have fans. I'm ready for the information. Yeah, some people have fantasy football teams.

Maybe he's got serial killers. I'd be upset about that. What's the PPR in your league? What's that? What kind of numbers did he put up for your fantasy team? I mean, if he's on one knife, that's just crazy efficiency.

Yeah, that is insane. That's fucking crazy. And where did he, just a random town or another college? He killed these people. He killed him at their college house like off campus what college it's idaho university of idaho shit yeah that's fucking terrible terrifying too yeah they had like all been out having fun together that night and like the last video of them is it a food truck getting food? And they're like laughing. Jesus Christ. Also a TA for his criminology program. And like he was,

he continued to let go. And obviously he had to, but people were in class with him. Holy fuck. While they were talking about it. That's a wild story. Shit. Anyone got a fart?

I feel like you can't fart after that. The first thing he said when he was arrested though is did you arrest anybody else whoa right which could be just they have camera they have footage of that they don't think they can release it not yeah they do but it's not released do you see they upped the amount of money for the dc pipe bomber remember the guys remember that january 6th thing but the person who money for the D.C. pipe bomber. Remember? Do you guys remember that January 6th thing? But the person who left outside the Republican HQ and the Democrat HQ, they left two pipe bombs. They upped it to $500,000 now. So if we could figure that out,

we'd have so much money for the slush fund. Yeah, it was sass. It was sass. Well, he told me in confidence that he hated it. It was sass. It was sass squash. It is crazy how people, after they do something like that, He told me in confidence that he hated the sass. The sass squash. It is crazy how people, like, after they do something like that,

they just go back and, like, continue their lives. Like, when the Boston bomber did it, he just, like, went back to his dorm at UMass. Yeah. But this person, too, they have so many, they have, like, 200 videos from 200 different angles, and nobody knows who it is, which is crazy. They have the exact path that the person walked. They have the exact, like... It is crazy. They have no idea who it is, which is crazy. They have the exact path that the person walked. They have the exact like, they have no idea who it is.

Jerry? Could it be? The only thing they know about that DC pipe bomb is what? Oh, yeah. That was a good one. It was soaking wet. That was a good one. That was wet. That sounded like a question. That was wet.

And it was also just like right as we're talking about pipe bombs. Farting. We need to get a composer to like play the notes of all of our farts. I want to know what key I'm farting in. Farting. You could 100% take one of these farts and like put it into like GarageBand or something and like make a song. I want Charlie Puth's next TikTok.

Yeah. So I heard this fart on a radio show. That might have been C. You might have farted a perfect center C. I farted twice, actually. Was that a twofer? The second one was... I don't know if you could hear the second one.

It was aftershock? Yeah. Oh, boy. I know. I don't feel anything I just feel the caffeine From the coffee And the radiating health from these brussel sprouts Which are very tasty Fantastic

Sweet cream? Want some? Steven how are you feeling? I want a protein only thing You're still getting cancelled online? What did I get cancelled feeling? I'm on a protein-only thing. If you don't mind. You're still getting canceled online? What did I get canceled for? Your tweet on Monday. Oh, dude.

Whatever. Oh. Did you see the thing with these? Badass. What? You can break them, and they... Oh. Uh-oh.

And they what? I don't know what's going on. All of us? Shoot right through my skull. Yeah. It's rounded at the bottom. Yeah. Okay And they what? I don't know what's going on. All of us? Right through my skull. Yeah. It's rounded at the bottom. Yeah.

Okay. So what? Oh, I see a little lip. Yeah, so here is where this comes off, but I don't know how to get it off. Well, then what do you do? Oh, there you go. See? Whoa.

Yeah, but why? And then what? Dip. Oh. Now you can't Now you can't rest it Yeah true Nice little hack That's it

That was fun What can you do at the bottom? Nothing That is a good hack It looks nice though right? Yeah it does It's different Yeah If you're trying to pick up a lady at the bars tonight Bring one of those Yeah It looks nice though, right? Yeah, it does. It's different.

Yeah. If you're trying to pick up a lady at the bars tonight, bring one of those. Yeah. You ever seen the trick with these? Yeah. What a trick. They break. I know you liked this resting on the counter, but what if I destroyed it?

Show you a little trick. How did you learn that? TikTok. What was the TikTok? Actor cap. Okay. The party guys, the party shirt guys or whatever. Yeah.

You know them? What was the conclusion? What did they disprove? It was fact. It was fact, yeah. You take the bottom off. Is that our cosplayer guy again? No, different guy. He does have a good helmet.

He does have a good helmet. He does have a good helmet. What's that cap? Oh. I want to lay down and try to get a big one for everyone. That would be nice. That would be a real nice gift. Heavens no. Nick, that's the stance of a man who's never farted in his life.

I'm with you, brother. Bring the mic over, Kerry. I got you. Bird dogs. This fart is brought to you by some bird dog joggers. You touching his butt with it? Oh, Nick. Can we get underneath the rumble?

Yeah The flip is his signature move Hey, cat Stomach to back Oh, yeah Oh, fuck yeah Oh, fuck yeah Son Oh god You're stinking today

Jeez Kicking that fartle If I lay here if I just lay here Febreze just on its side has no other choice now you put the cap back on no

fact the TikTok has 2.3 million likes. Can we see the TikTok? Yeah. Here's a way to break your Febreze can. My whole life I never know. Why would you know? I'm in.

And I might be looking to factor cap. What are these trends, 2C? They're real abortion. All right, the knife's back. Why would anyone care? I knew you were faking it. How would you even... Where are these guys from?

Australia? Aussie. That's not a knife. There's something out there. Try and jam it in there. Gary, you did it way easier than these stooges. Oh, man. That's a scary knife.

All right. You can see that's the glue. It's glued on yeah His teeth Oh that's stupid There we go There we go Okay it's not as easy

As it looks Alright Don't trot it on That's it Don't trot it on Why not Don't trot it on Two and a half million

People watch that Liked it Liked it Liked it. Liked it. Liked it. What are people saying? Like, wow. So many angry moms are just like, why? Why'd you do this?

A lot of groundings. You can learn a lot of different stuff. Round bottom so the straw in the Febreze can always hit the bottom and get every last drop out of the bottle. We should make a TikTok university. Where it's just classes that are just solely taught by TikToks. We still need to do Yak University. Yeah. I guess that would just end up,

you'd just graduate a bunch of billies at the end of the day. Oh, God. Yeah, the world would not be a good place. I got sucked down a rabbit hole of Destiny TikToks yesterday. TJ, you know who I'm talking about? Yep.

Do any of you guys know Destiny? I don't know Destiny. He's a Twitch streamer. Yes. He's like a commentator. Gets political. Kind of alphas people. Argues with them. He just loves to argue and talk fast as hell, dude. He just doesn't argue. He's kind of like the antithesis of

Hasan Piker. They have different views on stuff, but they go about their debates the same way. He just bodies people. He's just debating like hell, dude. Frustrating the hell out of people. Debating about like music and shit like that. Pretty big lib. Interesting to see him debate.

Kind of has like a Ben Shapiro speaking cadence. Just talk so fast. Ben shapiro got the crazy lip fillers did you see what and the craziest ben shapiro got yeah just bumpy as hell stereotypical shit i know yo bro i'm pretty sure at this point on the internet i know more anti black shit than you do how the fuck would you assume that's the best I've got? Oh my god! Way more racist than that. That was like level zero racist. Level zero! On like a fucking 100 point scale.

This guy said level zero on 100. This nigga's back's different. His back's crazy. His racism back is crazy. I don't want to see this nigga. I don't want to see him on my timeline again. Racist? He's looking at the top of the bottom. It was the guy on the bottom who was getting bodied. I guess these are all people reacting to his shit. Fucking shit.

How about you donate a singular dollar to any charity of your choice? You fake commie. Big L by XQC there. Hasan has actually donated thousands of dollars to porn stars that stream on Twitch. This dude's jaw fucking swings, bro. I don't know if it's the Adderall or...

A cow. I don't know. Chewing like a cow. Yeah, like a little cocaine. Yeah, I just got sucked down a rabbit hole with him just like arguing with people.

It was interesting. I want to see Ben Shapiro's lip fillers. Yeah, that's what I want to see now. You put that in the air and... Can you just search

Ben Shapiro? I'm sure of that, yeah. I would just search that. Maybe we throw out Ben Shapiro's sister too. Just, you know... Dibs, Abby, Dibs. Just to get a little bit of...

Just to get eyes on her. Just pictures of her shop. Oh, no. Don't care. No shop. No, there's a video. Oh, it's not her. It's not her.

What are you waiting for? Whoa. He looks like the Zac Efron broken jaw face. He also looks like he's wearing a ton of makeup. What is it, Backel fat everyone's getting taken out of their face to give that streamlined effect? Yeah, that's makeup. What are they, contouring?

It's contouring. Contouring. A little bit of shading. We'll maybe pull up the Photoshop pictures of his sister. People are Photoshopping the AT&T girl, too. Vinethrub? The&T girl, too. Vine Throb? The lady with the... Yeah.

Even though they try and put her in modest. Doesn't work. No. Yeah. Oh, that... Yeah, there it is. Strong. Entering my sleigh era.

That's a pretty bad joke. Jesus Christ. I think that's how I'd edit it. Oh, no. what was he edited oh slaying era I would have let that one just go yeah

politicians or political people thinking they're funny is funny yeah you guys working on anything? I'm trying, man. I feel like I'm going to go sit over there.

Yeah, those guys are not funny. Alright, let's keep trying to fart. Let's keep trying to rip one into the mic. Leave the humor to us. That's the Brussels sprouts. Come on, Roan. This is redemption. I just farted. That was you?

That was me. I heard that. That was like a ripple. Yep, that was me. So we only have Kate, Nick, and Roan left. Then we're done. I'm afraid this one's going to be like a blaster. Oh, Kate with the blaster.

I got lucky yesterday. This one's not going to be good. Wait, Kyle, have you farted? He was ripping them yesterday. It took a little while, I think. Does laying on your stomach help? Yes. I think laying on your back too and rotating your knees,

all that stuff is helpful. My back's so bad I can't lay flat anymore. Good core strength, Nicky. Big cat's ready for it. Is this number three? Ooh. There? Yeah, it's there Jesus Christ they're such good farts it's crazy

they're so good baby get in here bro oh no just don't breathe in for a minute don't you feel no I said don't breathe in for a minute. Don't you feel? No. I said don't breathe in for a minute.

How does that work? Don't breathe in for a minute. Just hold your breath for a minute. All right, I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. It's just so fun. I think it's just the act of farting into a microphone is so much fun. Farts are the funniest thing because the sound, the smell, it comes from a butt.

Right. It checks all three boxes. Ooh, that Febreze is real strong. And if you're smelling a fart, the air that you're smelling was inside his asshole. So you're smelling someone's literally there inside. It's down into your lungs. Your poop bear is in your body, yeah. What's the belt for?

I just took it off. Restrictive. If I beat Kyle, this is a 16 over 1. Yeah. We just got to get out of here. We got to stop the fart wheel. I can't believe it's happening. I think February 4th is when it reenters the wheel, TJ. Okay.

I think it's once a month. It can't hit more than once a month straining his face is so straining we got some uh show planning we can talk through yeah let's do it so we've got several birthdays this month. Yes. Ooh. So mine, KB's, Stephen's, TJ's. It's birthday month. What should we do?

Obviously a case race. Should we just do a case race that's all four of our birthdays? One big one? I feel like four in a month would be too many. Yeah, probably. Or we should probably make it somehow special. It's going to really fuck with my dry January. Yeah, probably. Or we should probably make it somehow special. It's going to really fuck with my dry January. Yeah. Can we do one in there?

Are things planned for the Super Bowl yet? I don't know. We're still working it out. Or that might be tough with, I would assume, sponsors. Yeah, that would be bad, too, because they're going to work a lot that week. All right, so we'll do one big one, but how do we make it special? Everyone has to finish a case? There has to be something special.

Put one of the birthday people on each team, and it's a case race, but it's also a cake race. You also have to eat a cake, a birthday cake. I think the losers have to eat the birthday cake. I think we get four birthday cakes, and then it's part of the race. Yeah, so four birthday cakes. Oh, I like that. So each team. It's a birthday cake and case race.

Oh, I love that. What if two, like, you know, the hot dog person that came in and danced? It's not that expensive in New York City to bring in some form of entertainment. A stripper. Won't get you in trouble. What if, like, I don't know, some sort of, I don't know. I love bringing in outside characters for quick like. Compton wants to come back.

Him and his tiny dick? Yeah. I like the cake case race. So you have a full cake that you have to finish and then you have a case. I don't think anyone's finishing a whole cake It doesn't have to be that big What if you have a slice of cake It could minus one beer

Oh yeah That actually is a great You have to eat at least one slice You can eat as many as you want Yeah Well how big are the slices though We'll get them cut at the bakery one slice. You can eat as many as you want. Yeah. How big are the slices though? We'll get them cut at the bakery.

Yeah, I like that a lot. See how many calories a beer is and figure out how many. Then you could go six beers, six cakes and you're good to go. Six cakes? That's a lot of cake. Cake advantage is not going to help anyone. That's going to make it way harder. There goes Tyler Miller.

Kate's champion. Should goes Tyler Miller. Oh. He's Kate's champion. Should I call him? Yeah. He's got a meeting. I like the cake race, so it's 24. Here it goes. 24 beers or cakes.

Where is he going? And every team has to eat at least one piece of cake? And from there it starts subtracting? Or does the first one subtract a beer? Or do the beers start... I think maybe the whole... I think we all eat a piece of cake and then you can do whatever you want after that.

Just start the race. We all eat a cake. I like that. That would get messy. That would get messy. It would get messy. And that's perfect. With four of our birthdays, we split them up. We do a draft of teams.

Yeah, that's a great idea, TJ. Is Zah's birthday January 2? I don't think so. I feel like he's April when are we going to do this next couple weeks pick a Thursday night or something can you February 2nd

that's maybe oh wow we get stuck forever doing a cake race? That would be a nightmare. That would be the worst. All right, we'll figure out the date. But, yeah, let's do it on a Thursday, and then we won't work on Friday.

We'll just run the show. I think that's the best way to do it. Tape it right after the Thursday yak, originally. Yeah, or like maybe, you know, evening time. We'll get face painted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotta be good cake. What about bad cake?

You never heard of bad cake? We should have each of the birthday people pick their favorite cakes. Yeah. Four different cakes. Mine's ice cream. Wedding cake sucks, though. Ooh, hard disagree.

It's too thick. I prefer like a birthday cake, even just the kind you get at any... Funfetti. A Funfetti birthday cake. I could smash at least eight pieces. No, make it easy. Cupcakes.

Is that Thursday? Thursday the 26th. That sounds good. Want to do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that works. Thursday the 26th, cake race.

I love it. Case cake race. So we all sit here to start the case race. We all eat a piece of cake and then your team has to finish either has to finish a cumulative 24 beers or pieces of cake. That's

KB's actual birthday. Oh fuck yes. What? He lies and says it's not 26 anymore. I can't eat cake. I can't. You can't drink the beers but the cake. Think you could have you be eating cake? He lies and says it's not 26 anymore. I can eat cake. I can't. You can't drink the beers but the cake. Think you could have 12 pieces of cake? I'd eat.

Eat? Okay. I like this idea. This will be very sloppy. So Nick, what are your thoughts about dry January on the 26th? It is still January. Make an exception. So we should figure out teams. Right now?

Yeah, why not? I mean, we got... Time to kill. You guys are never going to fart. Yeah, I need to. Let's at least do some planning and figure out... At this very second, I've never been further from a fart. I know.

All right, so one, two, three, four. We need Brandon as well. Compton. Anyone else who's in, whose birthday, two, three, four. We need Brandon as well. Compton. Anyone else who's in whose birthday? Yeah, Compton. I think Zah is dependent on, like, visa stuff, his return date. Because he said he could be out, like, a month. You want Sass to ask Shane?

Shane would be funny. Shane said he wants to do it again. I just don't know what one. I mean, Shane and Stephen Che on the same team. That would be awesome. Chain. Maybe some protein. Protein makes you fart, right?

Yeah, that's why. I was eating the jerky on the Quest bar. Salt just like pickles my farts inside of me though. There's literally nothing. This is going to take forever. Might be looking at another one now. Oh, geez. Jerry going back for more.

That got out right. I was in again. Where'd KB go? He had to go to the bathroom. You guys have to. You guys. You're going to have to fart bathroom You guys have to You guys You're gonna have to fart I know I know

Rowan you're gonna have to fart I'm like I'm sitting like this Cause I'm trying to fart And it all just comes up as Come on Nick I knew I knew it wasn't happening. I'm going to go pee.

I felt the orb. I felt the marble. EB? What happened? What happened, little bro? Bro, you all right? Soon as I took my pants off. Didn't even sit on the toilet and fart it.

Oh, no. I think it's the pants. The pants? The pants. Take the pants off. It's a psychological thing where when you have your pants on, it's just not. Oh, that's not for me. You've done national anthems.

Yeah. Yeah. That's when you can start farting in pants. In a mic, at least. So, KB, we're going to do cake kishers. We're going to split up the teams. Okay. So, I think we're going to decide the teams right now because we have nothing to do.

So, it should be a wheel of the birthdays and a wheel of non-birthdays. Should we try and find out if Shane's in right now? Wait, but let's count this because we have right now, we have exactly four non-birthdays. I guess Brandon, too, five. So how would we do this? Maybe Brandon and Shane can be a team? I mean, he might not even be able to do it.

Sash, why don't you give him a text? Can I give him a text for February 26th? Or January 26th, my bad. Thursday, January 26th. Shoot him a text. But let's just say Brandon and Shane would be a team if Shane can play. And so we can figure out the teams from everyone else. Wait, why are they a team?

Just because Brandon will eat a lot of cake and Shane will drink a lot of beer. That's like a super team, right? Yeah. Well, did Brandon even compete in the case races? He reffed the last one. Yeah, so I think he should have to compete in this one. I don't know if that's a super team.

But they can also be... Well, they can also be... Because of cake, a piece of cake is a beer. Well, they can also be, like, because Shane wants redemption. I think he deserves it. They can not count for the final standings, too. It could be just the birthdays. So we're not running it back? We're not running that squad back? Oh, you just want to fucking...

Another championship? Yeah. Dominate. Okay, I see where you're at now. You see where I'm at? I see what you're doing. I smell where you're at now. You see where I'm at? I see what you're doing. I smell what you're doing. You don't smell anything coming from me, bro.

Yeah, I think Brandon and Shane. Big boys. I just texted him, but I don't know what he's going to say. All right, so then let's figure out the other four teams. Yeah. So, TJ, a wheel of me, KB, you, and Che, and then a wheel of Kate, Roan, Sass, and Nick. What about Will?

I got to see what Will's doing. Yeah. He'll come. We won't have enough mics, but one of them wants to be talking in the fart mic. Oh, look at that. Whoa. Produce a fart.

Cake. Yeah, that's... Whoa. Zing. One of Glennie's girls just walked out. Great butt. Sass, that's the horniest. Cake. Whoa. Zing. One of Glennie's girls just walked out. Sass, that's the horniest I've ever heard. That's a cake race. That's a fart machine. That's a fart machine right there.

She must fart like crazy. Yeah, what would that sound like? She rips. Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp. A Gatlin gun, yeah. Sounds like Spirulix. She's going to the bathroom. A Tommy gun.

Turn down the Skrillex. It's a dumper. It's a dumper. You can't say that? You can't say dumper? I think she doesn't have ears on her head. The door is open. You know.

She knows. Shout out her OnlyFans. I think she knows. It's just the first time she found out. What are you talking about? Oh, I guess I do have a dumper. Think about that.

That's pretty good luck. Yeah. I got to start using this. I just feel like you have to make her aware you're talking about it. I agree. I don't want to talk

behind her eyes. Right, yeah, exactly. Immediately chime phone call for Jerry. Yeah. Oh, I got to get this. I agree. You don't want to talk behind your ass. Right, yeah, exactly. Immediately chime phone call for Jerry. Yeah. Oh, I got to get this. All right, see ya. I think Rona or Nick, you guys can be excused

from farting if you walk in, and KB, if you walk in there and you just be like, just a quick question, you shit with that thing? Hey, you know you have

a fat ass, right? Oh. Lenny, he's looking comfortable. He's always comfortable. He's wearing less and less clothes every time. Yeah, he's going out more. I was going to go to the gym today. Fart Eliminator showed up. Is your workout for the day?

How can I not do this? All that tossing and turning? No, I can't at all. I mean, it's just not in some people. I knew it wasn't in you. Did you guys try to gargoyle? Yeah. So, wait.

Everyone's on. So, we're all on a team with someone whose birthday it is. Correct. Okay. Well, that's fine. I think you guys can fart into your own mics if you have it. Oh, yeah. If I have a fart, I'm farting into my own mic.

I'm not even risking it and getting up. So Brandon will just be with either Will or Shane. You take Jerry off. We're doing this Thursday night. It'll be Will or Shane or Will and Shane? Will or Shane. Okay, so odds are, what if neither of them do it? I'll just do guess. No, no, no. neither of them do it? I'll just do guess.

No, no, no. Brandon will be with us. Hey, wait, whoa, whoa. Nick's going to fart. Nick's going to fart. No, he ain't. No, no. I know your ass, brother.

I know it because I have the same one. We were born with the same ass. We have twin holes. Identical asses. It's the prequel to Twin Peaks. No two snowflakes are like no two spokes, but you and Rowan have. Yeah, it's an anomaly. Yeah, on Friends they used to talk about having them.

We've never seen anything like this. You're hand twin. You're matching hand. Their assholes are identical. Look at their turds. Look at their ass prints. My God. These are their birthdays, right?

Their parents were two sets of twins. No. If they were to touch assholes. Che, not Roan. I got nothing. I was so close. Who's Diet Cocos is, by the way? Yours.

Oh, I'm gonna. Thank you. Good. Unopened. And takes off because we don't know if he's going to be here. We don't know when he gets back. Yeah. So it's four and four.

Perfect. So how are we doing it? Spin one, spin one? Yeah. Spin this one. All right. Okay, who's coming with me? Zazz.

I'm going to choke the pig. I see what you guys are trying to do. Yeah, this is bowling. Oh, yeahaz. I'm the Joker, baby. Oh, I see what you guys are trying to do. Yeah, this is baloney. Oh, yeah, I see what you guys are trying to do. Don't worry about us. This is baloney. I'm the Joker, baby. Trying to spin it specifically to try and...

Is it face paint again? Yeah. Break up the last championship team to try and bring back the first championship team. It's always been... We've always been the championship team deep down. All in game. Nope, I'm not. Let's go, Kate.

I love cake and I can chug. All right. We're going to dominate. You just eat cake and I'll just chug beers and then we'll switch. I'll get a good bass going. The cake thing is going to fuck me up. Yeah.

It's going to be a lot of puking. That would be so funny. I don't do well with cake. Oh, the birthday extravaganza. It's a child's pose. Helps you fart. Jay. And? We've already done all this, Nick.

That shit doesn't count. You're just replaying yesterday's show yeah that doesn't do shit Che and Nick Che wow solid squad Nick LeChe

yeah I have a question last time it went crazy fast Wow. Solid squad. Nick Lachey. Yeah. I have a question. Last time it went crazy fast. Is there going to be a you must yak rule more strictly enforced on this one? Yeah, I think there should be. Yeah. I think the cake will help with the pacing. It can also be, you know, we can have, maybe we won't get as drunk with the cake,

so it will be like drunk but not blackout, which might be a better show. I think the cake's going to make it go extremely fast. You think so? But then it would be a better show if we weren't blackout drunk. I think we need to add a twist element. Okay. I think there needs to be something baked into one of the slices, and if you get it,

it adds like 10 beers. Oh, we could do, you know what we could do? We could do the cane cake with the little baby. Tiny baby. If you get the baby, your team gets it. So it's a risk if you want to eat the cake. We could do any power-ups and just put them in the cake batter. And if you bite into a power-up or something, something happens.

Well, not in the batter. I think they've got to be put slice by slice. Yeah, and you go grab a slice. Like you don't know if you're going to get a power-up in your slice. Yeah, like an extra beer or something. Yeah. What if there's one good thing and one bad thing? What if it's, like, a giant sheet cake and you have to pick the piece?

Like, B1. We choose B2. Right. Yeah, yeah, right, right. And there's, like, chance cards in it, basically. Yeah. It could be add two beers. It could be subtract two.

Oh, I love it. It could be, like, fill up somebody else's beer or something like that. I love it. You can't drink until you fart. Yeah. Do you guys think that the cake element will make it go faster? Yeah. I don't.

Because if it subtracts a beer when you have a cake, right? I think it would be an equal difficulty finish a beer and a cake. I think a cake takes up more space. When was the last time you guys had more than three slices of cake? Yeah, I think you're right. You're going to be fucking hurting. I think KB's right. I don't think it's going to be as easy easy and we're all eating a slice as a base right one slice of cake is like we're

starting with a slice and then the case race starts i don't i think it will be slower i think the slight the opening slice everybody has to have but you can't start drinking until your team finishes their opening slice so it's a race there as well. I'm a cake eater. You guys don't know. Are you? You're one of those Adam Banks? Yes, dude.

I'm a real cake eater. Minnesota motherfucker? Always been. When they do cake and ice cream at birthday parties, I don't even have the cake. I just do ice cream. Just go ice cream. Oh, I love it. You're fucked.

I am. I think you guys are very overestimating how much cake you can eat. You really are. Yeah. You like cake. I. Like, you like cake. I love cake, too. I'm not going to be able to put down, I don't think, even three. You have three slices of cake. You start to have nine beers?

Yeah. Oh, that's going to be puke central. You each have to have 12. We were eating side food last time, though. No, that would be four slices of cake. Oh, my God, yeah. Ten beers. No one's eating cake like that.

Nobody's eating cake like that. I don't know. Now I'm feeling like you guys are challenging me. You're gorging cake. Oh my god, yeah. No one's eating cake like that. Nobody's eating cake like that. I don't know. Now I'm feeling like you guys are challenging me. Now I feel like it's a personal challenge. It's so rich. Like you're going to be so rich. It depends on what kind of cake. Is it a sheet cake? If it's a sheet cake, if it's a...

I don't think we should even drink beer. I think we should just eat a fucking cake in these You will feel worse than us. I think we should just go nuts in their face. Are we going to do one big sheet cake, or are we going to do four separate cakes? No, I think it should be all same slices. Well, I'm saying if we did four separate ones, we could have four different bad things in each. I think it should be like every slice should be the exact same size.

Yeah. Yeah. Exact same size. Go up to the same table of exact same size. Yeah. Exact same size. Go up to the same table of cakes. Yeah. Yeah. There should be

the number that like enough for us to each have 12 slices of cake. That's way too many. Way too many. That's a great amount of cake.

I think we probably should have like No I'm eating a whole cake. I'm eating a whole cake. No no I'm eating a whole cake. So you need the potential of 12 slices of cake.

I would like to... The way you guys are talking all crazy, I kind of want to just challenge myself and just go cake. There should be things. Some are clean cakes and some have the... that hinder you. Yes. But I hope I have an extra cake in my cake.

Pull one. You're going to throw up so much. You're not going to be a drunk puke. It's going to be a full so much. You're not going to be a drunk puke. It's going to be a full puke. I'm not going to. Are you disqualified if you throw up or no? Yeah. Oh, you are.

Okay. Well. Unless you can somehow get the puke back into your body. Yeah. Okay. Same as the Nathan's hot dog eating contest rules. Yeah. If it leaves your mouth, you're disqualified.

You bring an oven in, the loser has to bake a cake. Don't put that on. You're disqualified. You bring an oven in. The loser has to bake a cake. Don't put that on. That's four hours. Last time we were like, someone's going to have to build the Papa Shop. And then as soon as it ended, we were like, no one's building anything. No fucking way.

By the way, did we finish spinning? No. So TJ, KB. I know where we should get our cake from. TJ is going to be with... Who should be in Roan? If it's me and TJ, it's going to be just not even a competition. Yeah.

Roan. KB and me. Let's go. So what are we going to do about the drink? Yeah, we're winning this. What? K is off the B. Wow, he is.

He's got to eat cake. Yeah, he's got to eat cake. Got to cake it up. Wow. And we've got him back weeks in the gym. That body you work so hard on. What beers or cake? Yeah, between the two of you, 24 beers and cake.

Can he do Heineken zips? No, he's got to do cake. Oh, he can do Heineken. No, the thing with beer for me is I don't like the taste, so the zips are just as gross. You could probably drink two or three beers. Yeah, but I don't know if that would make it easy. No, I'd do bad with eating and drinking.

I would do all cake. All right. So you're going to have 12 cakes. 13. We're done, so we lost. 12 cake. 13. Could he do high noons or something?

12 slices of cake is more than a whole cake. Depends on how big the slices are. Not a sheet cake. I'll just have to drink a lot. I love high noon. You can't do that, Sash. You're not that good of a drinker. You suck at drinking.

Big ones? That one? Oh. I think I suck as a person. I'm not drinking at all i'm sober yeah oh yeah by the way high noon should we do the ad we don't i don't oh wow in front of me oh do it high noon is a hard seltzer made with real vodka real juice and sparkling water it's actually made with vodka and not malt like other hard seltzers. Real vodka, real juice for real fans just like us.

Personally, watermelon or peach on ice is the best flavor. Love it. Head over to your local liquor store and get some today. 40 more seconds of this probably. Well, I could drink a million more seconds of High Noon. I'll tell you that much. And it's the perfect thing. If you're sitting with friends just farting around.

Wait, wait. Oh! Nice! Sick! And it's the perfect thing if you're sitting with friends just farting around. Wait, wait. It's. Oh! Nice! Here we go, Nick. And that was thanks to High Noon. Head over to your local liquor store and get some today. Yes, Nick. That one was a real peach, I would say.

An absolute delight. High Noon. Nick! Good job, Nick. I'm proud of you, dude. I'm legit proud of you I didn't think I'd be able to do that ever in my life damn

wow look now good stance by Roan would you say that season 10 of the act now is the wheel strikes back with the way we've been treated yeah probably that wasn't easy How'd you do it?

I pushed out of my asshole I feel like I'm gonna herniate No you gotta push through that You just need a little air Oh my god I can't I don't wanna be looked at I put my heels together and my toes out Heels together toes out I didn't want to be looked at. I put my heels together and my toes out.

Heels together, toes out. I didn't, but... There's just no way. All right. Yeah, Rowan's good. Let me try, let me try. Keep pushing. Don't stop. Just don't stop.

Don't stop. I don't stop. Don't stop. I don't think I have one. No. Come on, guys. We gotta get out of this show. Come on, boys. I don't know what to tell you. You don't have to tell us anything. You just have to fart. My anatomy just doesn't allow for that, bro.

Fuck. Disappointed. If I can't fart soon, I'm going to have to have it removed via C-section. I'm going to have to come in here and take my fart. Should I try for a wheel? Yeah, you might as well. Yeah, champion. I'm waiting for Tyler to walk by again. Give Roan the champion wheel.

I know he's upstairs farting his ass. Come on, Roan. You've got to get someone good here. I know he's upstairs farting his ass. Come on, Roan. You gotta get someone good here. I don't even know who would be good. I feel like Corey Rutledge farts. I don't think I've heard it. I think he does, though. Jay! Jay!

Save Roan. Can you save Roan? You're my champion. Save me. Do I have to do this second? No, you have ten minutes. You can accept or deny. If you deny, he gets to spin again. If you deny, he can spin again.

So you can just... You got it. You got it. Ten minutes. Till 2.59. All right. I'll call champion. AB, come on.

Champion time. Yeah, yeah. Spin me. AB's champion. Whoa, come on. Champion time. Spin me. AB's champion. Whoa, the wheel fell off. Ubs. Ubs, yeah. All right.

You want me to go get him? I'll go get him. He ain't farting. He ain't farting. He ain't farting. Che, you want the rest of these cold Brussels? Cold Brussels is a sick-ass name. The cold ones are gross. Yeah.

You want them? I had the cold and the warm. Get some of that jerky. Hopefully I got one the next couple minutes. You got it. I thought I just had one a few minutes ago, but I didn't. I definitely feel the soda building up but it's too it's like up high nobody cares but i yeah that's where mine was it was up high the soda just yeah stop at lung level behind my heart you guys all know how to do cpr

no i feel like i should know yeah i think they don't do the breaths anymore Is it just compression? It's just compressions And there's a Spotify channel That's all songs that are the perfect beat to do And Stayin' Alive oddly enough Is one of the songs that It's like one of the funniest scenes in The Office Where Michael's like

First I was afraid Yeah, yeah, yeah Another spin Yeah, re-spin You get another spin. Yeah. Yeah, re-spin. Push Che. Come on, brother. Push it, Che.

Otherwise, it's going to be out. No, I got to be patient. I have one. Can I ask? Can I find someone to come in and part for me? No. I think you can get another spin because Tyler has not come in. Yeah, that doesn't count. That's not like...

All right, so KB and Kate can spin. It's for KB. I feel Clemmer in my bones would rip a fart. I don't know why. Chicken fry? She's not here. Call her up. She's not here.

Is she here? She was here earlier. Oh she here? I think. She was here earlier. Oh, then go get her. Well, if she denies, you get another spin? Yeah. I don't know. Whose champion is this?

KB's. Oh, mine? It's KB's. He wants it. Lower. His face is the best part. Try the belly. Lay on your belly.

Lay on your belly. Sitting up here. Lay on your belly. Yeah, I'm going to have to do that now. Sit on the top of the chair. Lay on your belly. Joey Langone said that there's a bike pump at Che's desk if we want to pump up somebody's ass.

Yeah. It's ass to run up the score. I have to get pissed. You got it Two minute timer So extend me to 301 No I gotta pee

That doesn't stop the creation of fart If he farts while he's peeing I'm not gonna fart while I pee People are peeing 301 I'm not going to fart while I pee. People are peeing. Well, 301. Yeah. Man.

Wheel has really fucked us here. You know when you have a bad back and you feel like if you lie flat on it, you're going to get stuck there forever? Wait, Kate has her spin, too. Yeah. Are you going to get Brianna? Where is she? I gotta get this Spin for Kate I can't let Bri Bri fart

Imagine if Bri has to fart for Kyle Bri Bri fart You can't let that get out I kinda just wanna hear you ask I'm thinking about going into the OnlyFans girls And saying you poop out of that thing If Kate doesn't get it I'm doing that Rico Pat fans, girls, and saying you poop out of that thing. If Tay doesn't get it, I'm doing that.

Rico. Pat. All right, let's get Pat. Pat will fart. Pat will fart. Oh. Hey, KB. Hey, go get Pat. Was that one?

What was that? Just stay there, KB. I hear your asshole opening up. You want me to do the belly rubs that Jerry does? You want me to tickle you? Try to sneeze. Spank it out of there. What did Pat say?

He said he doesn't think he has any in him, but he's going to come try. Okay, good. He's eating. That's a good sign. Rowan, you can go ask the girls. Look, Stu's just walking in, so they're probably at a break. If Che can't fart, that's what I'm doing. Come on, Pat.

I'm gearing up. Save Kate. Save Kate. Oh, this is so much frozen. You have 10 minutes. Wait, if you convince one of the OnlyFans that you can promote all your stuff, if you can fart in here, can we all be free? No, I'm just going to get me.

Just get Ron. Just worry about Ron. If I just came in and did a red phone on the table. Big as fuck. Well, thanks for coming in at least. You feel anything, Pat? Oh. Familiar pose?

He's not even trying to far right now that's just his natural position pat why don't you make yourself comfortable we got brussels sprouts in here. Yeah. Yeah.

There's actual frustration on Kyle's face. Yeah, I have a meeting at 3. Oh, someone just DM'd me, what if one of the cakes was weed? Oh. Yeah. Well, we don't know. Ew, Kyle. What do you mean, ew? What do you mean, ew?

What do you mean, ew? Look at this. We're in a fart competition. You can't judge. Maybe there's like a gummy in one of the slices or something. Oh, that was shit that was about to come out. Oh, my. Come on, Steven.

Whoa! Come on, Steven. Did he just serve you? I think he just got served. He just got served. He just got dance battle served by Amy. Max. Max has one.

Oh, Max don't. Max always has one. Max, you got a fart? For me. I literally just came from the... Oh, that's what they all say. I just have to do my f. That's what they all say. Quigs!

Quigs. Oh, Quigs be farted. Quigs, you got a fart for us? I don't think so. Come on, Quigs. It's tough to differentiate when you're trying between poop and fart. It's the same muscle. I'm constantly slowly getting tired. All right, you're trying between poop and fart. It's the same muscle. All right, you're dismissed then.

You're the thing that kills a family in the middle of the night. I just want one person to walk in. I just... I mean, I think at some point we can just end the show and just say... Oh! Oh. Rowan, you're clenching too much. Spread them. I just have to shit, I think. I feel like I'm squeezing this shit out like fucking jam from a PB&J.

It's fucking... Steven's working. Next time I have one and I'm walking by here, I'm just going to come in the middle of the show and just rip one. Joey wanted me to say he could queef if you need him to. Can Joey queef for us? You know you can blow bubbles out of there if you are skilled enough. Didn't know.

Didn't know. Thanks, Kate. You're know. Didn't know. Thanks, Kate. You're welcome. You're welcome. Rowan, Rowan, stop massaging it. I'm trying to get air in so I can let it out. It's like the worst. You're trying to swallow air?

Can we press on your tummy? Someone's going to poop on this show. Yes? Oh, dude. Can we press on your tummy? Someone's going to poop on this show. Yes? Oh, yeah. I'm going to say we're going to go to 3.30, and then we'll just... Yeah. Because at some point, we just... Can I tap someone in for me?

Yeah. Yeah. Kyle, you want me to leg lock you? I also tweeted at Clemmer. I feel in my heart. I have a feeling people won't be mad, but I don't know. Maybe they will. What is the chat saying? They're won't be mad, but I don't know. Maybe they will. What is the chat saying?

They're going to be mad. You think so? Jay, let's go, brother. Jay has like 15 seconds. No, he's got it. He has a two-minute extension. Oh. Ebony.

You got a fart? You do owe me. Yeah, at this point, I think that here's what we'll do. I think anyone, so it's Kate, Rone, KB. I think if you guys can just find anyone who can produce a fart for us, that will count. Yeah, I'm trying to get Clemmer in here. Does anyone who can walk in here fart? That or bring one tomorrow. Joey walks in here and brings one. You can find a fart for us. That will count. I'm trying to get Clemmer in here. That or bring one tomorrow.

You can find someone. Yes, yes. How do all these people walk around with an unloaded clip? I'm going to go scout a fart. Joey didn't even know we were doing that. He just walked by and said that. If anyone can. Finish the job, Che.

You have fucking two minutes. If you fart for me, daddy. All you got to do is get someone to come in here and fart and the show will be over. It's the pride, though. Hey, you got to swallow it.

You used to be a farter. You spit, yeah. I still was. Chad's saying you could wet your way out. I could probably get one out.'s saying you could wet your way out. I could probably get one out. Oh, you can wet your way out. I think that's fair, too. No problem.

Wet your way out or find someone to fart. I like that. He's going to go wet himself. Come on, Jay. I just had a silent bubble. No. I did. You had a silent bubble.

Find a follow-up. It doesn't count. I know. It's a fair solution. It doesn't count. I know. It's a fair solution. You either find someone who can fart for you or you wet your way out. Large? Or you can shave an eyebrow. Or you can shave an eyebrow. Oh, here we go.

Oh, no. Calling in the heavy hitter, the closer. You got one for us? You think you can try.ter, the closer. You got one for us? I think I can try. You think you can try? Yeah. All right, Tugs. I was having a very delightful conversation with Stu, and like 100 people came out of nowhere.

Yeah. And I didn't know how to eat it. You were just standing there looking at the dumpers. Okay, pervert. Now, if you don't mind, if you could fight for me. You can just straddle that thing. You can hold it however you want. You can do whatever you need to do.

And then I owe you lunch if you can pull this off. Excuse me, do you actually poop out of that thing? Ron! Do you poop out of that thing? You do? It's butterflies, though. I knew it was.

I knew it was. Thank you so much. All right, Ron is here. Jesus Christ, much. All right. Rone is here. Rone is here. Oh, my God, Rone. And my work is done here. I'm good, right? Work is done.

I think my fart is back. Oh, no. Yeah. I think the air is back. You sabotaged my fart. Rone. Oh, my God. It takes a lot for me to get to cringe.

That was so bad. She had a great answer. I started sweating. Butterflies. I'm also sweating. No, it was my one way out. Oh, my God, Ron. You're savage.

You said that was my one way out. No, it counts. It absolutely counts. I didn't think you were going to do that aggressively. How else am I going to do it? Walk into his interview? I don't know. I like wonder if I'm not going to explain why that happened, but there's no way to simply explain.

We were having a fart contest and the... What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? Thank you, dogs. Thank you. Oh, my God, dogs. You're a king. You're a king, dude.

Where's the spring? He was just raptured. That was what he was put on Earth to do. It's now gotten very funny again. It has completely redeemed itself. We just had Roan and Dugs in a matter of seconds. Oh, my God. So now it just comes down to KB.

That one couldn't have been funnier. It comes down to Kyle. Who's he recruiting? The fart eliminator has completely redeemed itself can we hear that again you have to fart for kyle kyle do you think you could for kyle if you do this for kyle we are free and we're curious to what your yeah it sounds like a tea kettle i need to to hear Doug's again. It would be weak. I need to hear that again. Doug's might have the new classic fart. There's no way to simply.

We were having a fart contest and the. That was like a machine gun. That was like someone getting drowned in their last breath. That sounded like stepping on a frog. Oh, shit. I killed another frog. Nick ran across the room so fast. That was so fast.

Oh, Kyle. Kyle, you missed it. Uggs was a champion. We had Rona ask the OnlyFans girl if she... Oh, shit. Kyle, you missed it. Mike. Uggs was a champion. We had Rona ask the OnlyFans girl if she... Oh, shit. Her. Yeah. Ask her if she shits out of that thing.

Should we explain it? Yes, I feel like we have to explain it. Yeah, explain it. You didn't explain it? Sorry, we gotta explain it. I'm out of here for that. Oh, we gotta explain it. Sorry, we were in a competition, and that was my way of escaping from the competition.

She's not really like that, and we think you're lovely. You had a great answer. That was a perfect answer. Thank you. We just wanted to explain it all. What's your only fizz? Shout it out. Hannah Love Official. Hannah Love Official. Shout out. Love it. Love it. Gotta make sure the ladies feel comfortable. Then you gotta put your headphones on.

And listen to what just took place. Counts! It absolutely counts! I didn't think you were going to do that aggressively. I like when a run after explains why that happened, but there's no way to simply... Like a second baseman. You were having a fart contest? It's like bowing to a royal. Kate Gass.

Kate Gass. KB, it's just you. Kate Gass right after, and I think she sucked up all of that fart. Doug's due a double. Oh, he did it for Kate. I know. You're up. It's you.

If Clemmer can do one for you, or you can go find someone. I'm trying. I'm trying to push one. Trying? I'm trying to push one, yeah. You're the last one, KB. That sounded like a dog whistle. That's going to sound like a scream.

It'll be very weak. It'll be like... That's fine. That's fine. Anything. Okay, he's trying. He's trying. There's a fart mic.

Nothing. Nothing. Is there a fart mic? We have a fart mic. It's a fix mic. Pretty big for your career You get that Oh yeah

I know He's Weinsteining him My colon disagrees I agree Get on the same page Is that a new sweatshirt? Me? About a month or two old

Yeah That's awesome It's one of ours It's a Barstow's restaurant. Nice. Straight up. I could get one out for you. That Doug's one was just... That was a great fart.

All time. That was. All time. Should we guess what he ate for lunch that produced that? He didn't even hesitate. I walked over there and I was like, do you think you can fart? And without pausing, he was like, yeah.

Stood right up, came in, got the job done. One of our big advertisers walking by. Ask him. Big man. You fart out of that ass, sir? Want to sponsor the show? He's going to go to Dana, I bet. The embarrassment that I've never seen

Cat, Nick and Kate all that simultaneously embarrassed just burying their heads It was crazy I didn't believe it was real at first Excuse me! Excuse me miss! It was like construction worker aggressive

Yeah It felt real I wanted to get out of that competition bad It was like Construction Worker Aggressive. Yeah. It felt real. Yeah. I wanted to get out of that competition bad. And I mean, that's better than getting wet. Oh, yes. Okay, I do have to go. No pressure, Clemmer.

Pull through. I was talking a big game for you. Trying. I'm trying. I can do a great fake noise. I can't do a real one right now. I'm trying. Brussels sprouts do a great fake noise. I can't do a real one right now. I'm trying. Brussels sprouts right here.

Onions. Gentlemen, this has been another fart wheel. See you, Kate. All right, so KB's just the one that we're waiting for. And then we're not doing a fart wheel until February at the earliest. If you guys could pick anyone in the office, assuming everyone was here, who would you pick? Duggs. All after today's performance.

Me. Not in this room. If I were to remove myself from the act, I would hope I would be the first pick. That's fair. After yesterday's performance. Yeah. Billy could probably.

Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah, Billy. Billy, for sure Oh yeah Billy Billy for sure If Mincy was here Oh Mincy I would go Blatman honestly Oh biggest dumper I'd love to see that dumper move

You might just You might just get a I'd love to see that dumper Out of him just walking Yeah Do you guys ask Frank? Uh no You never

Could Could I think that I think it's a package deal. Yeah Okay, we go. I think I got something you're buying the whole my mic not my mic not my mic I could tell by how you kneel trying I'm trying a I'm trying. Kaepernick over here. I think KB's going to walk back. Nope. I think KB's going to walk back with one in a minute.

This is the biggest signifier that something isn't right with Kyle. Not him not being able to focus or form a sentence. He can't fart anymore. Can't fart? Farted twice yesterday. But he can't even find anyone to fart. I think that's way worse. If you don't have somebody that'll fart for you, you have nobody.

Damn. What's that, man? It's a reality, though. It's just someone who's crushing, like, fried foods at all times. I feel like that's a guaranteed farter. Brandon would have ruled at this game. He should have to bring back two farts. Where the hell he's coming back

from. He might be doing air. He might be using the bike pump. Think so? Yeah. Big Cat, are we playing tennis? Me, you, Brandon? I will dominate you Serve looked pretty good

Good English on it You're a tennis guy growing up right? I like that Not as good as you It was a little bit slow but No reason for Brandon to shit on you for that I mean I'm not Pete Sampras but It was in

And the form looked good. Oh, KB's soaking wet. That's our show! I do not see that coming at all. I farted in the shower. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Oh, all right. We'll see everyone tomorrow. That's the act! I do not see that coming at all. In the shower. I did it. I did it. Oh, all right.

We'll see everyone tomorrow. That's the act. That's the act. Shout out all the farters.