The Yak - The First Annual Yak Nut-Off | The Yak 10-29-21

Episode Date: October 30, 2021

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I didn't even fucking come. You didn't come? Nah. I go, I dusted mine. Like I was being, uh, chalked up, like when you have a blackhead blocking all the fucking... I've been on a strict SRP.

SRP? Semen Retention Program. Oh, shit. Where are you keeping it? In your shaft or your ball sack? I shaved my beard this morning. And it's just this tea pulsing through my veins. It's like the fucking Santa Claus, dude.

Tim Allen? Yeah. He's just grown back fast as fuck. Yeah. You have to shave like a werewolf. A teenage werewolf. Yeah. A teenage werewolf.

From the fucking Tyler Posey. Yeah, fucking Buster Posey over here. Nah, I was on a different wave. You're on a different Posey? Yeah. I'm not busting. Little Teen Wolf. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

What was the song from Teen Wolf? I don't know. I'm a Teen Wolf. I'm a Teen Wolf. I'm a Teen Wolf. I'm a motherfucking Teen Wolf. That's real shit. I'm a Teen Wolf.

Yeah, motherfucker, I'm a teen wolf. Can we call MTV headquarters and pitch this new theme song? This is going to be what gets music back on MTV. You're going to fucking erupt. Which one of us do you think is most likely to accidentally kill someone? I'm bad with my hands. In what way? With machinery and tactile skills. Oh, okay, you measure once, cut once? I'm bad with my hands In what way? Like with machinery

Oh okay You measure once Cut once You're not accidental killing though I think yours is a fit of rage A fake accident? A crime of passion Oh

KB almost swung at Nate on the rundown Dude I have been in I cold turkey'd Kratom So that's dead That was your one release I'm weaning off Bison I think we're good i'm still getting really pissed wait are you saying those are the things that were making

you ornery i don't know but you're doing like a full diet cut to see which thing was the thing that's making people say eating a lot of meat makes you like angrier makes you more especially angry it's more just high tea yeah you can probably talk to that. No, I just don't. No, we can't. Did you see how someone described us yesterday on Twitter? Me and you? So this is the Yak. You can put the pieces together and decide for yourself who's who. But the Yak is two legends and five 20-somethings in skinny black jeans from the East Coast

who TikTok and are happier paying $20 for a salad rather than $4 for a great street hot dog. Oh, man. The two legends are Brandon? The two legends are fucking Brandon and Big Cat. Damn. Our skinny jeans ass.

East Coast. Our East Coast ass. Yeah. All of us are just Rocking salads 24-7 too And making TikToks Oh yeah TikToks

Please Sass doesn't even have it On his fucking phone Most of the time No I'm back on TikTok Big time You are Yeah

What have you been seeing Just everything Why do they roast us like that That's fucked up Bro I actually like being roasted though That shit's funny. It makes you feel alive. They weren't completely wrong.

I got a street dog the other day. They could have got us more viciously, though. I'm saying they because I think it's a non-binary person. William's John 89. He's a non-binary person. G-Jim. G-Jim. Are you sure he's a G-Jim or they're a G-Jim?

Fuck. Noted. Cancel my ass. Fuckinged. Catch with my head. Fucking noted. Let's go into people's lives and ask what their pronouns are. What are your pronouns, Ron? It's G-Jim, bro. I just told you.

I'm a G-Jim. Korean pronouns. You're a shim, bro. Fuck. I'm not a shim, bro. I'm a shim. You're a he-him, right? I'm a he-him.

You're a he-him. I'm a he-him. He-him there, though. We should probably get that out. We should start get that out. We should start every episode just to clear up our pronouns. Well, does there imply a multiple personality? Yeah, what is that?

What's the third? Let's conjugate this shit. You took Latin in high school, Owen. I know you did. Spanish. Where the fuck's Ruiz? He's coming. He's coming at 1.30.

All right. What time is Pat getting here? Pat's going to be here in at 1.30. All right. What time is Pat going? Pat's going to be here in five minutes. He was going to be on time, but his nut just lugs him down. It's like a ball and chain. Ruiz got the ball, though. There's no chain to it? It's not attached to his body?

It's a riddle of the Sphinx. He has a loose nut? How can a ball slow you down without a chain? Oh, shit. And it's a cancerous testicle. Yeah, he's dying. How can a ball slow you down without a chain? It's a cancerous testicle. Yeah, he's dying. Ruiz had trouble getting through TSA. They pulled him over.

They thought that he was snuggling. Pat's the same way. Stop taking my stories about Ruiz, dude. Ruiz is fake. Pat's real. I showed you. Ruiz isn't fake. So Ruiz is not fake. Confirmed. He's confirmed. He's you. I showed you. Ruiz isn't fake. So Ruiz is not fake. Confirmed.

He's confirmed. What do you mean? He's a big-time finance guy. Big-time finance guys will get their money. Oh, no. He just threw him under the bus. Yeah, Ruiz isn't in jail. He has a good job, but he doesn't want to risk his career by doing a nut competition.

Roan's embarrassed when his minority friends are successful. It's bad for Roan's look. I like how when Brandon doesn't come in, we just transfer the stereotypes about him to me. Yeah, I'll take that. You're next in line. I'm next racist. I'm next top racist. I'm next top racist. But my thighs look meaty as fuck today.

Boy, what type of time am I on? Bro, you're just sitting next to me. I got some hams. Boy, look at my shit. Ah! What the fuck? Yes, bro. I'd be first eating now.

I'm pretty sure looking around in this room, I'd be first eating. I have the strongest. Yeah, but that wouldn't taste good. You'd taste like bison. Too sinewy. Sass, you should have saw me this morning doing crush grip squats. 60-pound dumbbell. I was making a scene in Planet me this morning doing crush grip squats. 60-pound dumbbell. I was making a scene in Planet Fitness.

Wait, crush grip squats. The lock alarm has to be broken. Can you show us? It was fucking. The lock alarm is like a. It was destroying me. I was throwing my dumbbell when I was done. I was huffing and puffing.

What's the form of that? I'm trying to picture it in my head. Stand up, stand up, stand up. You can figure it out. I was interlocking grip on a 60-pound dumbbell. up. Interlock a dumbbell. You can figure it out. Interlocking grip on a 60-pound dumbbell. Oh, a single dumbbell. I thought it was too current. You got to keep it at nipple line.

Nipple line? So like a goblin squat? Squat, like sets of 15. It's like a goblin squat, but you're not. It's kind of like a goblin squat. I'm pretty sure that's what it's called. I'm pretty sure it's called a goblin squat. Uh-oh.

Is this the motherfucking? God damn. What an entrance. Look how he walks bro he walks like he's fucking carrying a book to the

uh oh who'd he get stopped by nobody he's sanitizing security security frist this man frist this man

frist this man okay I'm looking at the print no he's wearing black pants he's like you can't see the print boys this is my champion he's looking like he's doing black pants. He's like, you can't see the print. Boys, this is my champion. He's looking like he's doing a goblet squat right now, bro.

Pull that mic up. We're live right now. How we doing? There it is. Oh, my God. What a dick. Or not a dick. What a nut.

Ignore the lint. You know, I slept in these last night. I was too excited. Yeah, yeah, he was keeping it under wraps. Do you know about your opponent's situation? I do not. Ruiz. But you were told you have an opponent.

I was told that. Yeah, a little bit closer. I'm sorry. No, it's all good. Are you a grower or a shower? Oh, not a shower at all. No, nut. So your nut grows?

We're not talking about you. We don't give a fuck about your penis. Your nut's like the great pumpkin on Halloween, and it just grows to mythical proportions? It just grows and grows and grows. So we saw a picture, all of us. It was purple in hue and the size of a standard yam. Is that still the case, or does it fluctuate? Sometimes it's brown.

Sometimes it's blue. Sometimes it's violet sky it's blue sometimes it's violet brown it's dr seuss head ass no is it my eating at the other nut no so your other one your other one is normal size or just it's smaller than the average nut i think it's small to be honest but are we gonna if it's compared to what What? Closer to the mic? Just tell us. I can hear him. Yeah, you sound great. I'm nervous.

I felt the nervousness in your voice. I was about to say, you need like a tea or like there's some snacks, some snackies in the kitchen? Maybe a Coors. A Coors? Give him a beer. Yeah, let's go get him a beer. No, no, because no. You know drinking makes your nuts smaller.

No, that's an urban legend. Get him a nut. Boys, this is Pat. Ruiz is afraid to show his face, not because of you, but because of the professional implications. I've already said your full name and where you live and work, so we're good. That was a problem like two months ago, but now we're good.

Was it a problem? Oh, no. Are you unemployed? I was worried about it two months ago. but now we're good. Was it a problem? Oh, no. Are you unemployed? I was worried about it two months ago. Oh, okay. You're good now. No, so now you're just showing your entire face. I even said your fiance's name as well.

She's not in, I guess. No. Is she ashamed of you? No, no. Is she proud? Yeah. What's she feeling right now? So you came here to visit your fiance's parents in Philly, right?

She was like, I got to get you new clothes. I was like, okay, that's fine. For the nut off? Yeah. So she's proud. She's a rider. How are you explaining it to her parents, the reason you're in New York City? I didn't.

I didn't love me. I said if they see it, they see it. Okay. Is Ruiz actually coming? I don't know. Roan's up to something, I think. There's no way Ruiz is coming. I have no idea if Ruiz is real or not. I don't know what to make of it.

I get that. You saw Ruiz has a family? Yeah. But it took him like an hour to find a picture. Something's up. What's Roan doing right now? In the same vein that he tossed a cactus to. Roan was like, let me find his Instagram.

And then like 30 minutes later, he goes up to Owen and shows him his Instagram. It doesn't take 30 minutes to find his Instagram. And did Roan follow him? I don't know. What would be the upside of making up a fictional person? Because Roan didn't think I had a nutman. And lo and behold. Wait, so at what point in your life did you realize? That's what we're going to do. It's lo and we're going to behold him. You had a nutman. And lo and behold. Wait, so at what point in your life did you realize?

That's what we're going to do. It's lo and we're going to behold him. You had a massive nut. Don't put it on top of him. You're trying to compress the nut. Come on, dude. Those are super warm, just how you like it. Why didn't you get him a cold one from the fridge?

There's none in the fridge. I had to get him a fresh one. KB drank them all this week. And so look at the boys in the booth. We typically don't have that many boys in the booth. They're all dying. Really? They're all dying.

We have to come up with some type of loophole where we can show you're not on YouTube. So I think we're just going to have to draw it. So one of us will have to draw it. I'm the best artist. You are. So definitely not me. I think Sass will have to sit there and draw the nut. No.

I'm a very good artist. Oh, are you? I am. KB, you will have to sit there and draw the nut. No, I'm a very good artist. Oh, are you? I am. KB, you don't even know how to hold a pencil. I will draw the nut. You'll draw the nut? Yeah. So what we're going to do, I think we take it one at a time.

Pat, you'll be in the producer's booth back there. And so it'll be over the shoulder shot and we go in one at a time. Yeah, he has to be back there revealing it to one person at a time. Jeans are probably a bad pick then, huh? Oh, you're gonna have to pop over the top. Yeah, I literally

have you do this every time I see you and you wore jeans. Do you feel objectified? Yeah. No. What's your dick like, homie? No, just get out.

I'm the reason he hasn't gotten it drained. He pushed the surgery back. Is there any pain to it? Yeah. So you're in perpetual pain. Not constantly. And there is a surgery.

There is a remedy. Yes. And you're just refusing it. No. My urologist was like, the surgery is going to be painful for the rest of your life. So unless your pain right now is excruciating he doesn't recommend it but it's getting there is there any other downsides aside from pain i'm a squirter i guess wait when you when you what does that finish what do you mean

completion there's a lot oh you have a heavy load yeah okay do you think that's directly implicated yeah i think i don't know if that's directly implicated? Yeah, I think so. I don't know if that's a downside per se. So wait. Wait, can you jerk off for us? Or can we just cut off the cameras and come back to the splatter pattern? Like it's an episode of CSI? Which nut is it?

My left nut. So does cum come from the left nut? Is it like left brain, right brain? Like the more analytical people come from the right nut? Is it like left brain, right brain? The more analytical people come from the right nut. A real cerebral person. Artists come from their left nut. Have girls ever been like, oh my god? No, never.

You're in a committed relationship. You have a fiance. Yes. Since, and she's been with you for how long? Three years. Okay. Do you feel like you need how long? Three years. Okay. And do you feel like you need to explain your nut? Did you feel like when you were a single man?

Was there like a big reveal? Did you have to, like, someone with a micro penis has to be like, yeah, there's something I got to tell you. Right. I did that conversation too. But. It's just a backdrop makes it look smaller. Having a giant nut with a micro penis would be the worst. Oh, God.

Is this Ruiz? Like, yeah, my... Oh, shit. You look like a... Cancel him. Cancel that man. What? How come?

Happy Ruiz. I know plenty of... Cancel this man. Me? It's a foreign... Just admit that Ruiz does not exist. Coming at 1.30. that Ruiz does not exist. Coming at 1.30.

Is he actually coming at 1.30? Yes. Prove it. What do you mean prove it? I'll prove it in 14 minutes. When he saunters through that door. You would be way more passionate about it if he was actually coming. I'm telling you, I'm quietly confident.

No. No, you're not. You're timid and you're afraid because Nicky's getting a rare dub. A rare Nicky dub. Ruiz is going to fucking burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man, fucking swinging his nut like the fucking Wrecking Ball video with Miley Cyrus. It's a fucking monster. You talked to Ruiz yesterday? Talked to him every day.

Oh, my God. You couldn't even find a picture of him yesterday. I showed Owen 12 pictures in 30 minutes. What are you talking about? You're like, let me find his Instagram. Because his fucking Instagram name isn't Ruiz. So you couldn't find his Instagram. You talked to him every day.

I did find his Instagram, and I showed it to Owen. Why am I being doubt and timeless right now? How did the talk work? I just was like, did you notice anything? And she said no. And then I showed her, and she was like, what i showed her and she's like what the hell was she like maddie is this contagious no she's fine with it yeah you ever just break through like a chair or something though sitting down god damn it no but it'll it'll touch first for sure sometimes can't sit down too hard's heavy. So you said when you get the surgery you're going to be in pain forever?

Why? He said with scarring in a sensitive area. Damn. Because there's no research being put into nut lessening surgery. You know what I mean? You just got the nut removed completely and you went one nut. Yeah, it's like people have just started feeling bad

for women who get breast reduction. Like, oh my god, you were in pain all the time. But there's... When is history... We're on the wrong side of history. Dudes don't have anything. We don't get any sympathy. Oh, I'm sorry.

You have big nuts. Yeah. Yeah, it hurts. It's the laughing matter. And it's like the fact that the scrotum is so stretchy. Like, you can't... There's not stretch marks that would ever appear on the scrotum because it's inherently fucking elastic. Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that? it's inherently fucking elastic. Jesus Christ!

What the fuck was that? Somebody just broke the sign. The sign is broken. I remember when they put it up. Enrique looks pissed. Enrique's pissed off right now. Not the fucking sign. What did that sign say?

Who the fuck was that? To the moon. It said to the moon. God damn it. Not anymore. Did Spider hurt himself on it? Spider. His fucking cuff. Not anymore. Did Spider hurt himself on it? His fucking cuff.

His rotator cuff. Yeah, he hurt his rotator cuff on bumping into a wall. Have you ever considered doing steroids? I heard that makes your nuts smaller. Never. Caminetti's nuts, I heard, were like almonds.

That's small. Who the fuck? Who's that? Ken Caminetti. You're gonna drop a Caminetti without context? You're complaining about someone dropping a random reference? You yap worse than six barbers.

All you do is drop random references. I do. Guilty. Beer run? You're going to need one. I don't know why. Oh, you're an alcoholic. Very funny, Nick.

Look how hard he squeezed it. Zoom in on his squeeze. Zoom in on his squeeze. Very funny, Nick. Why are you gripping it? Why are you gripping it like that? Oh, my God. Very fucking funny. You absolute asshole.

You're trying to get cold liquid on my boy's nuts. You're trying to shrink him up. I'm trying to have that shrink it. You know what? The worst place to spill is probably that seat because it's just on a mound of wires. Exposed wires. Dude, now I smell like fucking tasty ass Coors, dude. What the fuck was that?

Crisp, cold, refreshing Coors. Pat, may I have one? Cheers, Pat. I'll let you open that. Yeah, seriously. Oh, that's convenient. That's real convenient. Un-fucking-believable Cheers brother

To the nut off To the nut off Ruiz should be walking in In about 11 minutes 11 minutes He's not coming Call him What?

Call him He's on the fucking subway You don't have his phone number Call him Prove to me you have his phone number I thought he was taking the ferry He's not taking the ferry Jesus

Wrong You've done better than this I never said the ferry. He's not taking the ferry. Jesus, Ron. I never said the ferry. You've done better than this. I never said the ferry. Now Owen's trying to fucking cloud it when he's the one that knows Ruiz is real. But the picture you showed me was on a ferry. YouTube chat saying you fell off, Ron. So that's why he's fucking on a ferry? He's a ferry guy.

Because he went on a ferry once from a picture from half a year ago? That's his last post. I don't know where the post is from. So, Pat, you got into the office way too easy. Yeah. We just hired security. We beefed it up. They just let you walk right in.

I guess you look like every single employee. You look like a composite of every barstool employee. You could probably get a job off the strength of your nut. Have you thought about giving up chemistry? No. What type of shit is happening in chemistry? I thought you were a chemist. Yeah.

Obviously. He was a chemist because he's working on the formula to shrink it back. He's like the opposite of a mad scientist. These are frustrated. Sexually frustrated. He has selfish intentions. So when I first moved away, Pat gave me a going away gift. It was just a periodic table.

I carry it around every day. No way. Yep. What the fuck is up with potassium, bro? Where did they get the K from? Is it Latin? I'm not sure. Is it Latin in root?

You should know. I wasn't very good at chemistry. You're a chemist. I know. It's something I should know, but I don't. God damn. You probably know. So you're coming on to admit that you're not a good chemist.

Well, I'm a good lab supervisor in a third-party natural gas lab. Okay. Shut up, dude. What's happening with natural gas? Are we really about to fucking frack our way into a new carbon source or whatever? I don't fucking know. Ron's off his game today. He can't even lie.

That's my one superpower What are the qualms of fracking? What do people not like about it? Oh, jeez Some say it leads to earthquakes Some say it taints water Some I'm cool with that

I think we should have the boys in the booth See the nut first Is Che? Should we wait for Ruiz? Who's ready? Ron, do you want to wait for Ruiz? Yeah, we can wait for Ruiz She's going to be here in eight minutes I'm cool with that I think we should have the boys in the booth see the nut first Che should we wait for Ruiz who's ready Ron do you want to wait for Ruiz yeah we can wait for Ruiz

he's gonna be here in 8 minutes he's not you dumbasses should we have Pap play feud and then Ruiz will be here Pap couldn't be here

we should have we probably should have we are risking a down a down vote we are risking one down vote on YouTube is it worth it maybe your nut

could play for you? Is it sentient? Is it sentient? No. Could it be one day? Just a normal, oversized... A normal, very oversized nut. Yeah.

Are you from West Virginia? Yeah. And that's... Where do they frack more? There? Pennsylvania? Where's the fracking hub? It's in that area.

Where's Ruiz from? Northern West Virginia, Western PA. I know where he went to college, but I'm not sure where he... Where did he go to college? I'm not going to dox him, but the Mid-Atlantic would be my guess. So he's in the Mid-Atlantic Conference. He went to Towson. Yep.

Oh, he did. You're going to dox him by saying where he went to school? I mean, there's only so many Ruiz's from mid-Atlantic colleges. Maybe the most common first name. What's your name? What is your first and last name? Harry. People know my first name.

What's your last name? Oh, they'll never know. I think people do. Like a handful of people know. I think chat says it all the time. Don't make it incentivized because then people will try to find it. They'll post pictures of your family. It's not fucking sweet.

Pat, you never had any... What would your bosses say about your nuts? If they caught wind of your nuts? They'd probably open it up to the lab. I don't think they would notice. Run some experiments on it. No, but if they were like, we saw you on the internet, is there something you're keeping from us?

No. The CEO would probably be like, why didn't you shout us out? What if we got him in yoga pants or biker shorts? Yo. That would be one way around it. We could probably get a wrestling singer. What if we got him in some MeUndies? TJ, how can we show him that on YouTube?

Those things really emphasize the print. Yeah, but they give it too much credit on YouTube. It'll just have to be a TV drawing be It has to be under the vein of educational So maybe like if we're popping a cyst If he does yoga Technically if he was checking himself for testicular cancer There we go And we did a video called

How to check yourself for testicular cancer That's a lot A self tutorial Is it worth it getting the entire Barstool Channel banned? That's what we're saying We're gonna be cautious Big Cat and Brandon conveniently are like Yeah we can't make it worth it getting the entire Barstool Channel banned? That's what we're saying. We're going to be cautious. Big Cat and Brandon conveniently are like, yeah, we can't make it in. Yeah.

They want to just like wash their hands of this. Two legends. Two legends. As soon as the two legends leave, all the skinny pant boys look nuts. You think they're watching? Turning, yeah. Oh, yeah, they're watching. They're not doing anything else.

Just scoffing at a $4 hot dog on our way to a $20 salad. We'll save that for the legends. Oh, yeah? Oh, they're teasing it. Are we doing it? They're edging us with Family Feud. Would you be down to play Family Feud? Oh, of course.

Good answer. Ruiz just texted me. He's 10 minutes away. No, he's not. Show me the text. Is Ruiz, like, is this going to be like an Uber Eats driver pulling up? No. Why do you keep on trying?

Because why would you know the exact time? You're just going to bank on an Uber Eats driver having giant nuts. Why would you know the exact time that Ruiz will be getting there? People, it's a commonality to say I'm 10 minutes away. But he's been saying, oh, five minutes, eight minutes. No, I haven't. When did I ever say five minutes, eight minutes? Because at first Ruiz said one minute. Because Ruiz said 1.30 and then, eight minutes. No, I haven't. When did I ever say five minutes, eight minutes? Because at first, Rui said one minute.

He said, Rui said 1.30, and then he said 1.30. I'm optimistic. I think he's coming. You're going to stall so much that my boy doesn't even have time to expose himself. He can expose himself at any time. I want him to see his competition. You don't want him to expose himself without the competition here. No.

Why would you do that? It was a tick. A tick? My boy right here has got big-ass nuts. That wasn't a beckon. It was a be here. No. Why would you do that? It was a tick. A tick? That's... My boy right here has got big-ass nuts. That wasn't a beckon. It was a beckon tick.

Yo, this boy right here has big-ass nuts. No, no, no. Him, him, him, him. Dico, nice new hair. What's up? Thank you. I appreciate it.

Oh, jeez. Go lock it. She's always doing that. Lock and drop it. Yeah. You can't twerk on me because I have engaged. Cup check my man right now.

Right, boys? Yeah. We'reerk on me. Cup check my man right now. Right, boys? We're all actually engaged. Cup check my man. Sass is a single man. No, no, no, no. Gosh. Damn. Why'd you say don't so hard? Because I know she's going to pop it.

Why'd you say don't so vehemently? Yeah, KB? What was that don't about? I involuntarily summoned you. No sweat. Wow, what it is. Yack people love me. They do. Yack people love me.

They're a fiend for you. I love when T-Bone's on. I like those shoes a lot. Ooh, I'm looking kind of good on this motherfucking shit. Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Zoom into this shit.

Do y'all see this? Zoom in, zoom in. Zoom in, zoom in. What's up, Yack? I love y'all so much, man in, zoom in. Zoom in, zoom in. What's up, Yak? I love y'all so much, man. I love this shit. Yes. I'm just going to be here for a couple minutes with y'all.

I like your new hair. You got some big hoops today. I always have big hoops, man. These are some big hoops. Black girls love big hoops, man. Word to zero. The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe. That's what they say, man.

That's what they say. That's an archaic stereotype. The higher the hair, the closer to Jesus. That's what I always say. How y'all doing today? Dude, we're chilling. We're trying to get this dude to show his nutsack, but he's such a chemist that...

A chemist is an insult now? He's a big-time chemist. What does Ruiz do for work? He's a chemist. Are we talking about Nick or are we talking about other boys? He works in Fidei Really Taking him a long time

To get here Yeah a long time Pat I'm down to cup check Anybody Yes Fidei's not too far Somebody can cup check me We're about to do

A cup check prank video On the streets of New York Oh lit Yeah we're about to go Just cup check some people Can I come Yeah Okay cool

Hell yeah But you can't cup check anybody people. Ooh, can I come? Yeah, come. Okay, cool. Hell yeah. But you can't cup check anybody. Only the fellas are allowed to cup check. Okay, I'm cool. I can just stay in the back, look cute. You could brawl out with their girlfriends, though, if it ever comes to that, though. Will you fight for us? I know you don't fight.

Hell yeah. I know you don't fight. Hell yeah. You already know. I'm going down with it. No, I was just doing that for the viewers. I knew. I want to go down with it.

I do want to tell the Yak viewers that my first episode of the Tico 10 will be out on Tuesday. I really hope that y'all support it. Watch it Tuesday. They will. Five-star review. Thank you. Give us some of the who's working on the Tico 10, who's behind the scenes. What producers have you tapped into to help make the Tico 10 a movie?

So right now we got Crazy Ass Jetski. He's the craziest. Crazy Ass is implied. You don't need to say it. He's the craziest person I ever met ever. We went to Rolling Loud yesterday together. Oh my fucking gosh. We drank so much tequila. We were with the owners. We were at the owner's trailer in the owner's compound.

Shout out to Matt. Shout out to Tariq. Shout out to Andrew. And shout out to Hank. Because Hank is who actually plugged us in with the shit. So shout out to Hank, man. Rolling Loud was a great experience. We there today, man. You know what it is.

Did Fifth play Many Men last night? He did. That was his first song. Shit. That's his first song. I was going crazy to it. Yes. You know the lyrics? Of course.

Many men. Many, many, many, many men. Wish death upon me, but I don't cry no more. Don't reach to the sky no more. Have mercy on me. Have mercy on my soul. So when my heart's on call, have mercy on many men. Is that Big F?

Is that Big F? Wait, what the hell? How did he get up there? I was with him. Are you thinking like actually like logistically hold on hold on physically

logistically hold on that's my friend that I was with how the fuck is he up there doing the rafters where the fuck am I

on some baby shit you weren't up in the scaffolding no that's who I went to Rolling Loud with he looks like one of those like when you go to like a

the clubs and like the dancers are in cages he was starting it up. The go-go dancer? That was it. Big F was the go-go dancer. Kryptonite and Myrtle Beach.

Like there was like girls who were probably like 17 locked in cages dancing. I was like, fuck yeah. Wait, get back to that. What the fuck? He's having the time of his life. What does F do? He's actually having the time of his life though. Look, he's having the time of his fucking life.

He's having the time of his life. Please put the Phantom of the Opera music behind it he did a great great job what the fuck yo rolling loud is for the people man it's for the people man you see it right there wow that's behind him he's behind him i wish i had that video i wish fucking that was me fuck that was the coolest shit i ever saw the only perk i've gotten from this job is people on twitter just hate me a little bit more yeah me too yeah i would have loved to your pussy ass doesn't tweet anymore though it doesn't tweet that that distraction the point that you're

today or tomorrow whichever one i wouldn't be opposed. Yeah. Where is it? It's at Citi Field in Queens. Where the Mets play. Right by LaGuardia. Is anyone his speed playing? J. Cole. Cody Allen. 21 Pilots.

Watsky. I'm a big 50 Cent fan. Henderson. Sammy Adams. J. Cole's playing. And Travis Scott is playing. A little bit warmer. A little bit warmer.

Nah, but let me know Sasquatch we can set that up dead ass cause now I'm in with Rolling Loud no cap really hell yeah

what do you mean you're in with Rolling Loud you have a ticket so the owner said there are four people they called me

the fifth person and they played my music in the trailer I swear to god shut up look at that J. Cole

got Lil Baby Playboy Cardi Kodak Black Rick Ross and I have a fucking artist wristband trailer i swear to god shut up yeah so shout out look at that jay cole got little baby playboy cardi kodak black rick ross where's her i have a fucking artist wristband you're fucking right oh i'm gonna get all this good shit for barstool man sound bites baby you know what it is hold her hand kyle interlocklock fingers, bro. Interlock. Stop holding. Kyle, do that thing where you wiggle your thumb and you play with that weird part of the hand. You're getting too squirmy.

Let me do the work. You sit back and relax. That's what she said. Yeah, appropriate. All right, it is 1.31. He said 10 minutes, six minutes ago. So about four minutes probably. If we're judging by his EQ.

He's on Ruiz time. He's on Ruiz time. Things are a little bit slower. My boy Ruiz. My boy Ruiz. Okay, Ruiz. Shout out Ruiz. Shout out to Jack.

So we got Jeske's crazy ass producing the Tico 10. Who else? Who else? That's it right now. That's it right now. That's it right now. You know, we got a little team. It's going to be a big team. It's going to be like y'all shit soon.

You know what I'm saying? But we just starting off. So, you know, right now we got Jeske producing and editing it. You know, me and my brother, my twin brother is my co-star. What? You have a twin brother? I have a twin brother. Shut up.

Here, yeah. Twin brother. We're born same exact day. Same mother and father. Here, yeah. Twin brother. We're born same exact day, same mother and father. That makes sense. He is where my love of sports came from, love of sports, video games, all that. As a big brother, as my twin. So he's my co-star.

Stop playing. Stop playing. That's not Ruiz. So I had an idea for you, Tico. What if you made Tico, Texas into a corporation idea and there were multiple people who were Tico, Texas, like the Blue Man Group, and you could have simultaneously Tico, Texas in like 50 cities

and it's just a bunch of people. You teach them how to be Tico, Texas and then there's events where people are Tico, Texas and you're profiting off your name, image, and likeness through all these people who are just being you. That's so cool. I don't know. I'll bring it up

to Jetski. They're going to need a lot of swag. A lot of knowledge. You try them out. You have auditions. Would you try out? I don't think I have enough swag. I have close to enough swag. I think Nick could try out. I think so. Look at that with the van sock.

Oh, shit. You see it. He kind of cool. Oh, fuck. You're a shit bitch. She saw that. You weren't supposed to see that, Tico. There goes Ruiz.

What shoes are those? What are those? Oh, don't water those, man. Those are fucking boots. These are Tim's. Okay. Are they Tim's? Yes.

The butters. Are they the company's shoes? Are they from Tim's? No, I got them from a man named Tim Exactly No I got it No they're Tims They're Tims

Yeah you see the tree Oh yeah they are Tims Okay Yeah Okay cool This chick's never seen Earth Keepers before Shit

I haven't The Tims I know Are like the tan Tims Oh Timberlands I'm from Texas I don't know a lot of shit About New York coaches Yeah he's got Timberlakes

But we will definitely Check out for the T-Go-Ten. Thank y'all so much. And thank you always for coming in. Thank you, Yak. Thank y'all so much. I love coming in here. Next time. Cutting the shit with y'all.

Next year, Rolling Loud, you're on that fucking list. You know what the fuck it is, man. Shout out to Tariq. Shout out to motherfucking Matt Tepper. Shout out to motherfucking Andrew. And shout out to Hank. Voting loud Portugal. He already told me I'm in that bitch.

So you know what it is. Portugal. Liz, bitch. They're pulling up the Portugal. That's the next one. The next one is in Portugal. Rolling Loud is getting. I know.

You know it already. Thank y'all so much. Love the Yak. Love everybody that watches and supports and tweets to me. Y'all are the fucking best. Y'all know what it is. Look out for the Tico 10. Fucking Tuesday.

I look good as fuck. I can fuck your bitch. All right, Tika. Go sit on a t fucking best. Y'all know what it is. Look out for the Tico 10 fucking Tuesday. I look good as fuck. I can fuck your bitch. I can fuck your bitch. He's mad because I can fuck his bitch. Oh, I can fuck Rachel. That's why you mad. Alright, we out of here. Love y'all. Thanks, Tico. That was Tico Texas, ladies and gentlemen.

You dropped your apparatus. Tico's apparatus. Hands off, Sass. Sass. Rowan's a married man. Make your rounds. Hugs are all right. Hugs are all right.

Not twerking on ass like I was doing Nick the other last week. Oh, Tico, you smell great. You smell like a rat. It was facing. Oh, my God. Okay. Big, what did rat or something It was facing Oh Oh my god Okay Big What did you feel

It was Wow I thought white boys Were only three inches That's crazy You did the wrong thing Yeah So Pat

You've gotten Caught in TSA before Haven't you Yes See you Tico The DJ for Rolling Loud Is the same DJ from the Kyle

Comedy show Oh very famous in New York Cypher. Oh, very famous in New York. Psychosounds? I'm very famous in New York. Oh, no, maybe it isn't. Fuck. Kyle. What?

Scratch everything I just said. Good looks, Kyle. A new tick? A new tick. Whatever. We wasted five minutes. Yeah. Where's Ruiz?

And Ruiz is still not here. He literally should be walking in right now. Just admit that Ruiz isn't coming. Admit he's not coming. Oh, my God. Is he at HQ, too? Oh, he went to the wrong HQ. Shut the fuck up. Ruiz is... Not only is he not competing not coming. Is he at HQ too? Oh, he went to the wrong HQ. Shut the fuck up.

Ruiz is, not only is he not competing with Pat, he's at the bottom of the scrotum pole. This guy is nothing. He might not even have a nut. He might have, he's Nutless Ruiz. That's my other boy, and I'm not about to even fucking bring up my other one. You're a Nutless homie? Yes. What's his name?

I'm not about to even dox him like that, bro. Ruiz probably has no nuts. He's going to roll up double yielding a Livestrong.less homie? Yes. What's his name? I'm not about to even dox him like that, bro. Ruiz probably has no nuts. He's going to roll up double-yielding a lipstream. But let's just say my nutless homie is very good at golf. He's very good at golf. Caleb? No. He also could have been a kicker at a Division I college program.

Field goals only, not kickoffs. But he has no nuts. But that's not here or there. Ruiz should be walking in literally any second bro just admit that he's not coming admit that he's not coming so we get the show on the road I mean

he's supposed to be coming he told me 12 minutes ago that he'd be here in 10 minutes what should I what should I do with that you forfeit the nut off I'm not gonna forfeit why

we'll take a rain delay we can't a rain delay a rain check a rain check it's not perfectly sunny if fucking half the teams haven't been able to make it. KB, you want to go beckon fucking Frank in?

No. That's a goiter, not a nut. Frank is welcome whenever. He is. When we have an empty spot, but he's not in today. He's not in today. Fleming isn't? Pat, you've got to be disappointed. None of the legends are here. Brandon or Big Cat.

I'm perfectly excited. Oh, yeah, let's do it. Do what? Let's do it. Do what? Oh, for you. Yeah, yeah. And by the time we're done with this,

Pat, if you don't make fast money, this is embarrassing for me. If Ruiz isn't here by the time that we're done with Feud, it's over. No, woman. All right, you can play Cason. He hasn't sold 150. Cason's Cakewalk.

All right, round one, Pat. Name something supermodels like to chew up and spit out. Gum. Yeah, or any person. Okay. Wait, what is this? What is this question? Spit out food, that's fun.

Couldn't that just be a person? Wait, food? Yeah, I guess that is. Why does it have to be a supermodel? Couldn't it just be any human? A thinly veiled Yeah, I guess that is. Why does it have to be a super ball? Couldn't it just be any human? A thinly veiled bulimic joke. It's a bulimic joke. What else?

You want to get a hint? Mouthwash? Maybe they're meant. Chew up their mouthwash? Mouthwash is good. God damn it. Good answer. Good answer.

Wait, wait, wait. That's a Ruiz answer. You're better than Ruiz. What the fuck? Show me the phone. You literally just found That picture on Google Is it the same picture I showed you yesterday Owen

Doesn't he look like Sunflower seeds He does look like he has big nuts Seeds What about men Wait what Men Seeds is good

What about men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men

Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men

Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men

Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men

Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men

Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men

Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Struggling. Men. 79 is good. People in general, I guess. Fuck. What the fuck are the answers? What could this be?

What did Cason get? Agents? Models? And mates? Mates lovers. We're playing the British that. Fucking figure it in. We got the number one.

Mates and lovers. How is men not one? How is men not one, but mates and lovers is? All right, Pat. Name an animal that's really good at digging. Dogs. Sure. Dogs. I was thinking about getting a dog today. Alright Pat Name an animal that's really good at digging Dogs Sure Dogs

I was thinking about getting a dog today Groundhogs Groundhogs Should we be groundhogs? I'm going to Don't Rabbits Groundhogs

Good answer When we move I'm getting three Beasts What else? Keep guessing Think of We're going to ask Big Cat how old he was when he got his dog. What likes to burrow.

Moles? Yeah. What's so funny about that? That was an embarrassing thought to share out loud. You were going to ask Big Cat how old he was when he got his dog? I don't know anyone else who had a dog. Who has a dog like that. Who had a dog when they lived alone.

What's so funny about that? Animal is really good at digging. Get a perfect board. Press the that get a perfect board I wanted some advice on if I should get a dog or not great with dogs I don't know let's go with cats let's try cats

he just got off the train already guessed cats what squirrel they don't dig squirrels have I already guessed cats. What? You're lying. Squirrel. They don't dig. I've never seen a squirrel dig. Squirrels have... No.

They don't like the dirt. No, they dig for acorns that are lodged. Yeah, you're right. Barely. I'm wrong. All right. City squirrels don't dig. Final round.

Maybe. Unless you win. Give me a word that rhymes with rapper. Crapper. Sure. Crapper. Sure. Crapper. Something funny, Owen? Yeah.

Somebody dressed real fancy is... All right, Nick. Someone who tends to lie. A domestic abuser. Dapper. Dapper? Is that a word? Dapper's a word?

Someone that like daps someone up Alright Nick you just play this round Yeah Fuck off Oh yeah yeah You wanna get on me? Fucking You wanna get on me Mr. Beckham?

It just voids the whole point of this This tradition I'm trying to help out a friend Maybe you should try it sometime Maybe you get invited to some weddings Snapper Yes Good answer

Good answer Oh fuck What the fuck? snapper yes good answer oh fuck what the fuck uh tapper tapper tapper tapper's good

Jake Tapper mapper you'd be thinking about like killing bugs and shit mapper's a good answer uh killing bugs

you'd be thinking about like killing bugs and shit I was wrong trapper shucks Killing bugs. You'd be thinking about killing bugs and shit. Trapper. Shucks. Shucks. Well, we're going to Fast Money.

Let's go. Fast Money. That was the goal, right? That was the goal. Ruiz will be here. Is that Ruiz? That's Rudy. No, that's Rudy. Rudy's nuts.

Let's go to the Fast money round Let's go Pat Name something There's nothing better than a big juicy Fruit Yeah a big juicy fruit The bigger the better A big juicy banana Name a scene in a swamp

Alligator Alligator Good answer Great answer Oh I forgot about Yep Kyle's getting angry again Here comes the

Here comes the Fuck you guys Here comes the what? Night Good answer Good answer Fucking sun The fucking sun

Name something you use to cover a crack A rug Yes a rug Carpet The fucking sun. The fucking sun. Name something you use to cover a crack. A rug. Yes, a rug. Carpet. Rug. Undies. Rug.

Tooth. Backling. Brush. Brush. Good answer. This might just be a straight zero. Across the board? Big juicy fruit. Uh-oh.

What? Steak. This is the number one answer. Okay. What's he need to break? Here comes the night Oh no Oh no Oh no

Sorry, I got one Toothbrush was no one's answer? You got quad O's Oh jeez I'm embarrassed No, don't be embarrassed What's the total score? Okay, that's good Oh, jeez. I'm embarrassed. No, don't be embarrassed. What's the total score?

Okay, that's good. New high score. What's the max? Like 1,600. I have that. I've only played once. Pat, why don't you go into that producer's room, and we'll get the camera aligned.

I don't think Ruiz is coming, boys. What? I think he is. When did he get off the train? Ten minutes ago? No, I actually think he is. It was five minutes ago. I got't think Ruiz is coming, boys. What? I think he is. When did he get off the train? 10 minutes ago? No, I actually think he is. It was five minutes ago. I got to be inside sources. You have inside sources for Ruiz?

He is on route. You got a tracker on him? Tracker. All right, Ruiz isn't coming. Okay, okay. No, fuck. He's here already. What if I've just been lying to you? What if I've just been lying to you guys and Pat just has regular sized nuts?

I'm getting my boys just looking at regular nuts. A full bluff off. We've both been bluffing the whole time. You just brought in a deflated sack boy. Oh, Zah's pumped. Zah is pumped. Because Zah probably has a fucking... Zah, are we weighing?

So let's figure out the... Actually, I heard Big Ev has fucking huge nuts. Oh, Zah's pumped. Zah is pumped. Because Zah probably has a fucking way in. So let's figure out the answer. Actually, I heard Big Ev has fucking huge nuts. Oh, get out of here. You've heard that too? Bite your tongue. He says it. Yeah, he says the loaf. He calls it the loaf. He calls his nuts the loaf. Yes. That makes me want to vomit. Or the loaf. Ew, loaf. TJ, you got a set of hangers?

No. Okay. Kyle, can you explain what it feels like to eat bison? To eat bison? There's something about it. It's so hearty that it, I don't know if it's the placebo effect, but it makes you feel like a beast. Like you're fueling for primitive war against other men or beasts. It's a good feeling.

Thanks. Thanks, Kyle. Until it's not. Sweet. Logistically, what are we doing here? Am I just going to hold up my hands

and say how big it is? I think we're all just going to go one at a time and look. I think you just describe it. Everybody writes down their description of it and we read them all

simultaneously. On a natural reaction, yeah. But I sent him back there because I don't want to risk somebody walking by and seeing a nut because I don't want to risk somebody walking by and seeing a nut that they don't want to see. I can tell you've passed the sexual harassment.

Che should be out of nut. We passed the sexual harassment. We're just going to show you a ball sack. I think everybody should write it down so nobody's description is influenced by somebody else's description. Write it down in your notes app. I think the facial expression will say it all. The facial expression, but then we write it down and your notes app. Right, but I think the facial expression will say it all. Yeah, the facial expression, but then we write it down, and then we all describe it.

I'm going to keep my poker face on. Should we bring in other people, some laymen, to come judge the nut? We're the laymen. I don't think Pat wants to show his nut to complete strangers. He's known you guys for 45 minutes and 55 seconds. All right. Why, you want Beeman to see? I kind of want Beaming to see Pat's nuts

Boyer is bro Pat's your bull Pat's your fucking bull Alright so why don't You guys come in here One by one Why don't you look first You guys look first

And write it down On your notes at first You guys look at all at once What am I writing down Like a score Like a size No no Just a description

Whatever you want You can write down a score It was like a blank It was like a blank Just It was like a blank. Just one sentence. One phrase. Pat, what color is it today? Is this Ruiz?

Oh, my God. He's unsure. No. No fucking way. Ruiz. It's not Ruiz. That is Ruiz. Yo.

No fucking way that's Ruiz. Yes. That's not him. No, you showed us Ruiz. I know. That is Ruiz. I think that is him. No, he showed us a picture of Ruiz

and that was not him. No, that's him, I think. That's the picture you showed me. I saw a picture that looked yeah, like that guy. The picture you showed me

he weighed crazy ass. Yeah. Crazy ass Jetski. He's got that. Wait, Jetski knows about Big Evs. Jetski was the one

who was talking about the loaf. Should I grab him? Ruiz, yeah, it's Ruiz. You want me to grab him? Go out there and say what's his name. Should I go grab him? Yeah.

Ruiz! Dude. It's not Ruiz. That ain't Ruiz. You're scrying Ruiz. Why wouldn't it be Ruiz? Because it's tempered glass. Who else would it be?

That guy's for the My Name is Earl remake. He needs to dry off remake. He's nervous. He is nervous. Because he heard. Nah. He heard. It's a page from my book. All right, all right, all right.

That's not Ruiz. What? Dude, is Ruiz coming? I don't believe you. Yes. All right. Let's cut the camera to the end. What's going on back there?

So that's not a good angle because everybody's just going to see the nut. They're going to see more nut than, okay, he's going to turn around. So the camera is there. Okay. Just completely squared towards the camera. Yes. Like completely square. I am squared towards the camera.

Yes, have him square up with you. I would get on these. Don't sit. Don't sit. No, it's too much of an angle. He needs to square more towards the corner of the room. He's too much of an angle. He needs to square more towards the corner of the room. He's got to be perfectly vertical. We've got to see Che.

That's good. Let me know when you're ready. He's got jeans. I'm ready. Oh my god. Write something down. Write something down in your notes app. Write something down Write something down In your note chat

Write something down In your note chat Steve Write it down In your note chat And we'll all say it at once It's Zah's turn Wow

That was something else Alright Zah Oh my god Who's coming in I got the coolest friends Zah are you, Zah. Oh, my God. Who's coming in? I got the coolest friends. Zah, are you next, Zah? Zah's next, and we'll run TJ. Unless you don't want to.

Anyone can opt out of this. You can opt out. Everyone can opt out of this. Are you good, Zah? I'm all right. If you don't want to do it, you don't want to see it, you don't have to. You can opt out. You let me know.

You let me want to see. You don't have to. You can opt out. You let me know. You let me know. Jeez. For Christ's sake. It's like a goddamn grapefruit. Holy shit. What the fuck? TJ? Wait, was that one or both?

It was one. TJ? All right, go ahead. Wait, was that one or both? It was one. TJ. All right, go ahead. Wait, hold on, hold on. TJ, you move closer to the back. Yeah, yeah. No, he's good. He's good.

Oh, my God. I mean, that's really embarrassing for me. Why? For you? It doesn't compare. You'll never satisfy a woman. Not even comprehensible. Women love a giant, almost handicapping nut.

I want to go first. Rowan, this is the most excited I've ever seen you. Ruiz didn't even know about this, did he? He's not actually friends with Ruiz didn't even know about this, did he? He's not actually friends with Ruiz. Let's get Donnie. He's a thrill seeker. Donnie's a thrill seeker. Do a die trying on this.

Today I'm going to look at a big knife. Oh, wait. Let's cut to Ron. We got to cut to Ron. Everybody wants to see. Hank would love it too. Thanks, man. All right. Yeah, yeah. Take a seat. Hank would love it too. Thanks, man. All right.

Yeah, yeah. Take a seat. Tom, take a seat. Donnie, you're next. And Pat, you're cool with this? You're good with this? I'm literally quaking in my boots. I'm so glad I didn't bring Ruiz in.

I told you. Hank, you're after Donnie, so you can. Great work, brother. You know what this is? Yeah. He told me it was the size of a ham. The size of a ham hock. It's not the size of a ham hock.

This might be the last time you ever see your boy neck. Yeah, I don't think. Wait, get Hank in there, too. I don't want to have him keep popping it in and out. Yeah, let's do a double. Let's do a twofer. It looked like a bread bowl. Yeah.

Oh, tag team. Is it seed? Pat, you're still good with this? All right. It's not out yet. Oh, my God. I can't believe what I just witnessed. Sass, you have no idea what you're about to see.

What am I doing? Oh! That's one ball? How do you... Oh my god. That's like an elephant. Oh, want to go together? Yeah, it's like a roller coaster.

This is like going to a haunted house. Let's do a three. I've seen it a million times. Three of you go together, and it'll be his last review We'll stop objectifying this dude's nut Oh my god Anything you're picturing

It's bigger than Anything you're picturing It's a big ass nut It's like a yam It was incredible It's so fucking big They're in the corner right there Yeah, it's like a yam. It was incredible. It's so fucking big. Wait, TJ. We might want to go off one of those.

I don't know. They're in the corner right there. Your scissors are in the corner. Yeah. You dropped them. I saw you drop the scissors. I didn't know you were playing with some scissors. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Why are they all in the production? Because he's showing his nut. Have him square up a little bit more. Yeah, have him square up a little bit more. Back to the camera. Yeah, have him square up a little bit more. We don't even, because if you catch

even out of the corner of your eye that nut, it could block out the sun. Yeah, yeah. It could fully eclipse the sun. Yeah, that's good. That's good. That's a nice angle right there.

Oh my God. I was literally trembling in there after I saw it. Wait, KB, move your... KB, KB, you gotta move. K... Hold... Hold... Hold... move. K... Holy... Holy shit.

Oh my god. Get in here and use your descriptive words. Oh, you can come back in. Yeah, Pat, you can come back in. Unbelievable job, Pat. He's a god. KB,

you think it's two. And then when you find out it's one, so you look at it and you're like, that's a huge set ofB, you think it's two. And then when you find out it's one, so you look at it, you're like, that's a huge set of nuts. How is that not a scrotum? Two. No, I know. That was one? I was, like, when we were going in there, I was like, I feel like I'm going to be very underwhelmed. That was like, dude, it's like this big.

I thought it was one big sphere. It's a nutsack in itself. So when you look at it, you're like, that's huge for two nuts. And then when you find out it's one. I saw the second one moving around. I didn't believe it was. I thought it was both. And I was still impressed.

That's the size. That's four times. That one nut is four times the size of both of my balls. Yeah. That was awesome. The inaugural inaugural Holy shit Let's make this an annual thing No

An annual Pat comes in once a year And shows his fucking Right before Halloween The last show before Halloween This is our spooky episode We'll have a yak haunted house That's in there

And it's just Pat Standing without pants It gets bigger every year So Yeah Dude I can't Would you say this is an accurate size? Yeah. I would say like a pop can. If you can imagine a normal

It looked like a raw chicken. It looked like a Cornish game hen. Kind of. It looks like a rotisserie chicken. Kind of. It does. It looked like a whole rotisserie chicken. One nut. This big. But it doesn't even show the depth of it. That just makes it seem flat.

It's that big all the way around. It's like a time capsule that you would bury and hope that someone... It literally is like a pomegranate. And when you said

that that's carrying your sperm and that you nut bigger, I bet that you could literally whitewash a fence with your nut. There's no doubt in my mind.

That's a fuck fin shit. Fuck fin. Fuck fin. That's your point. There's no doubt in my mind. Fuck Finn. Fuck Finn. That's your point. You probably shoot yourself backwards like a fire hose when you nut. That's fucking – dude, I'm sorry to keep on objectifying you. I don't know if it's making you uncomfortable at all, and I apologize if it is, but oh my god, dude.

That's probably like – you probably don't have lower back problems because it's like sitting on like a bouncy ball. That's fucking – Yeah,'t have lower back problems Because it's like sitting on a bouncy ball His abs are like shredded The core strength that needs to stabilize On top of that nut has to be insane The human body is amazing Because if I looked at that detail I'd be like that's a dead man

Our God is truly an awesome God That's making me religious The fact that God has created this and TJ's nuts. Yeah, what a variance of man. Dude. I wish the viewers could see

how big it was. Literally this big. It's like the size of a Beats pill. What if we cast it? Did you hear about it? Did you hear about this nut, PFT? PFT. Hank just came in and told me about the nut. I got to go. Okay.

All right, all right. I'm going to get you on a rainbow. Next Halloween, by the way. Next Halloween. Well, it's an annual thing now. It's an annual Halloween episode. We will fly you in, and we will put you up at the Waldorf Astoria, whatever you want. Sounds good.

Yeah, we will put you up. Let's make it as comfortable as possible for you as you're like a – So Pat's getting married soon. I want him to have the rings on that when he's on the altar. Oh, my God. The nuts are going to give the best man speech. A first dance with a nut. I hope you dance.

It's just you crave the nut. Slow dancing. You're more than just your nuts, though. Yeah. Well, are you? You know when guys are, like, cleaning bowling balls? No, but. Exactly that.

Okay. This boss. Holy fuck. What else are you interested in? What are you up to? You're more than just a nut. Sports guy? Yeah, I guess.

Steelers. Steelers? I, I guess. Steelers. Steelers? I watch sports. I like golf. Okay. You gamble? I like to bowl. I like to gamble. Yeah.

Yeah. I love that. How about that fucking over last night? Brutal. Yeah, I did not expect that at all. Did you bet it? I bet. Big on the Cardinals.

You got to start tailing some of the people here. Yeah, well. You got to start tailing Ang. You'll get blocked for that kind of shit, man. For real? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Why?

You don't tail somebody and mush them. Oh, does that mush them when you tail them? I thought you were supposed to tail people. I thought you were supposed to. Oh, and tell us. Tail Mincy, 69 and 100. Okay, okay. That's kind of, that's almost unfathomably bad.

I mean. It's incredibly, it's accurate but not precise. Remember we tried to figure out the difference between accurate and precise? No, no. That's precise but not accurate. I don't know. God damn. Damn, Pat.

Everyone's always suitcased up in this office, on Fridays especially. I've never once brought a suitcase to the office. Crew's headed to East Lansing. Are they leaving from the office? You know what's at East Lansing? Do you have any idea what's at East Lansing? MSU. Okay.

That's good. You're a diehard. I'm a diehard. So why aren't you going? You're wearing it. I know. Because I wasn't invited. Are you serious?

Yeah. Just got to start inviting yourself. Biggest MSU fan here. I'll talk to Dave. I'd love to get on the jet. Best way to see the city. Not the jet. I mean, the jet takes off from Teterboro.

You can barely see anything from there. The chopper, though. We can all relate to that exactly the same. Fucking chopper. We need to start taking the jet just us guys. Yeah, let's do so. Let's take the jet. Let's take some jets. Let's go somewhere. Where should we go? Let's get away. I don't know. Why don't we all just

pool our money and get a private jet? You would have to be paying the most. I don't know why you think I have money. I could throw in a good hundred bucks. Look at the respect Hank has for him now. Yeah, let's do that. I don't know why you think I have money. I could throw in a good hundred bucks. Look at the respect Hank has for him now.

He doesn't... Hank doesn't talk to anybody. He doesn't respect anybody. He respects me, though. Not after Wednesday, he won't. You want me to play Jenga? Yeah, I'm not doing that. I play Jenga.

I have better things to do with my time. Have you? Yeah, multiple times. I really suck. You suck at Jenga? The big Jenga. I'm good at the little Jenga. I have better things to do with my time. Have you? Yeah, multiple times. I really suck. You suck at Jenga? The big Jenga. I'm good at the little Jenga.

Okay. You have pain in your hands. Life experience. I have hand tremors. Che, are slutty costumes hot or weird? What is making you lean toward weird? I don't know. Like a father?

I think all Halloween costumes are pretty weird in general. Agreed. Sounds pretty cool. I think it is very interesting when you see very attractive women wear super well done scary costumes. I think that's pretty cool. I like when they try. Why? The slutty ones are fine.

I'm fine with them. Thanks for saying what we're all thinking, Owen. It's facts. Big facts. Prime time of the year to be horny. It is. Does, how does,

when your penis grows, Pat, how does, how does your nut react and does it like kind of change the backdrop of everything?

It doesn't move. My penis gets shifted to the right. So, oh, wow. It's like a, it's pushing it.

Yeah. Yeah. God damn. Does the scrotum tighten up on it? Yeah, what happens when you're cold? My sack shrinks and my balls... His head gets real big.

It all goes to his head. It goes into the abdomen a little bit. It does? Yeah, it's not comfortable. Goddamn. So you need to air and climb it. So you're in pain and it's uncomfortable, yet all I do is gawk and laugh. That's so depressing that surgery just makes it worse in the long run.

Oh, no. It lessens the pain but makes it forever. Right. It'll make, unless my pain is excruciating. If you're in pain perpetually for the rest of your life, that is worse. Yes. Right now. But it's like a –

It's occasional sharp versus constant dull. But this time next year, there's no good option. For our Halloween episode next year, will it be bigger? More than likely, yes. So I went to my urologist twice, and first time he was like, yeah, it's a hydrosil. Second time was, this is four times bigger than what I was last time. Jesus. Not to be morbid, but is your life expectancy shorter?

Jesus Christ. I'm just dehydrated now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Four times bigger? It grew four times in a year. It literally is the story of the great pumpkin.

This is exactly like the Charlie Brown story that we're talking about. Four times now would be a watermelon. Yes. I don't expect that. Yeah, exponential growth. Like if we have a fucking chart for this thing, it's going to be bigger than you at some point. Soon it'll be like you've got to see this giant pat. We'll find out next year, I guess.

I guess so. Have you looked into is there a Guinness World Record? Oh, no. I would imagine it's something. Somebody in India. Yeah. Why does India have all? Oh, no. I would imagine it's something. Somebody in India. Yeah. Why does India have all the good shit, bro? I think it's statistically.

They have so many people. People plus pollution plus poverty. It's the three Ps. Four Ps. I'm not going to pass on trying to explain my theory. What is your theory? Way more fucked up. Definitely super fucked up.

You think it's bigger than that Hasbulla guy's head? Yes. Maybe. Do you think that you have the biggest non-Indian nut? You have the biggest white nut. The great white nut. The biggest western nut. Yeah.

No, I don't. At least in your county. I think you do. Yeah, because I think if it was any bigger, they would opt to do something to it. Yeah. No, I don't. At least in your county. Yeah, because I think if it was any bigger, they would opt to do something to it. What about the biggest that your doctor has seen? Yeah, I think so. Has he verbalized that? Yeah, because his eyes got wide.

Did he call other people in? When doctors' eyes get wide. He got verklempt. He clutched his pearls. When doctors start calling other people in, did they do that? Yeah. I mean, the one nurse was giving me an ultrasound. Oh, the poor nurse.

That poor woman. I've gotten several ultrasounds on it, and they're just like. Like a professor drawing the perfect circles. Just like that video. Washing a windshield. It looked like someone was doing the Disney Channel thing on the perfect circles. Just like that video. Washing a windshield. It looked like someone was doing the Disney Channel thing on the fucking ultrasound. Oh, it's scrotal elephantitis. That doesn't count.

That's an asterisk. I think the current record holder is Kenyan, not Indian. Okay. Okay. They have a high birth rate. If you want to riff on that for a while, Kyle. Kenyan nuts. Kenyan nuts. Kenyan nuts.

Kyle, why are Kenyan nuts so much bigger? Yo, Kyle, quick question. It's about Kenyan nuts. I think it's the birth control in Nairobi. Yeah? Yeah. What's their birth control? None.

Oh, man. Holy fuck. oh man holy fuck that I feel like that would be something at like an ancient Roman like fair that they would just have like a spectacle

of like big big nuts I feel like we're not a technical what would you call it a testicle oh yeah that's not a word too

but I feel like these days or I guess Barnum Bailey those guys were into that kind of shit both both those guys PT Pat's testicle Pat's I guess Barnum, Bailey, those guys were into that kind of shit. Both those guys.

Pat's testicle Barnum. Pat's testicle Barnum. They never weighed it. It's probably tough to weigh it. How could you weigh it? How could you weigh it? It would have to be like a fruit scale, a food scale. Or like a weed scale.

I think they're the same thing. Fuck. You tell me you smoke without telling me you smoke. I've been roasted. Well, we should just go get it. We probably have one in the kitchen. We can just throw it up on that thing. Drop it on.

Pat Fryer moved, though. Steeler. Penn State. I'm just trying to give Pat some other time to talk about other things in your life. I don't want to reduce you to your gargantuan nut sack. That's why I'm here, I guess. I don't want to. You're a person.

You know what I mean? Your sweatshirt looks comfortable. Your sweatshirt does look comfortable. Did the fiance pick that out? Is that H&M? Is that Travis Matthew? It should have been. What did she say when she knew it. Is that H&M? No. Is that Travis Matthew? Oh, it should have been. What did she say when she knew you were coming in here?

She was excited. She wanted to go to New York. She wanted to see her brother. So, okay, let's do it. Yeah, you tagged along. You didn't want to see Nicky? Didn't want to see Nicky? No, I'm going to go see him later today.

Nice. What are you guys going to do? I'm going to grab a bite. How do you want to grab a bite? I would love to grab a bite. Just nuts. I don't know. Her brother knows you have a huge knot yes everyone knows you like that has he seen it i don't know if he's seen it i don't think her you've shown it to her family for sure yeah you have a very clinical approach to it it's like it doesn't really um affect you

it seems it's not like you're like super proud of it nor are you embarrassed of it. It's just like this is part of me. It's part of me. That's the way to be. Yeah. We could all take a

lesson. I respect the fuck out of that. This is like an Aesop fable. Yeah it is. I love a little lesson a parable.

A parable. We're getting there. We're getting there. We're around it. You want to rock and roll boys? Yeah let's rock and roll. I didn't even notice the time. It's 2.06 We're getting there. We're around it. You want to rock and roll, boys? Yeah, let's rock and roll. I didn't even notice the time.

It's 2.06. Let's get the fuck out of here. Let's have an awesome weekend. Ruiz? Where's Ruiz? Thank God we didn't bring him in. Would he have lost? It's like fucking having someone fight Mike Tyson.

But, like, not even knowing. It's like, I got a pretty good boxer coming in, and then they go against Mike Tyson. Ruiz would have had like An existential crisis And fallen into a deep spiral of depression Yeah we saved Ruiz's life We definitely did What dude?

These nuts are big But like They don't look like they're a health risk Oh man Thank you so much Pat Thank you Pat Thank you Much appreciate it

Anytime Have a good weekend Safe Halloween See you next year Brandon and fucking... Bye. Bye. It's the act Yeah it's time to talk shop We're doing Yankees love

It's the act It's the act Thank you.