The Yak - The Free Scott Peñis Movement, F*ck FM, & Cool Guy Kyle May Have Found His Match

Episode Date: October 23, 2020

We'll I'll Be....You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What a great and crazy week. Shut the fuck up. I don't even like this beat. You can keep going, but I don't like this beat. We had a crazy week at the Yak, all of us. What do you mean by we?

I mean, we are in this studio talking about the week that we all had together. Yeah. Do you remember? We're starting with Friday. I wasn't. Friday. Friday. Yeah.

I wasn't here. Your ass was absent. Your ass was gone. But you did listen, right? No, no. I was in a plane. On a plane. In a plane?

I was in a plane. And I flew to Mississippi. But I was out. But I understand you guys did a yak. Yeah. I've noticed when you're gone, the conversation is a lot more highbrow. It's not as crass. You kind of bring us down to a level.

We had a lot of complaints that maybe what we were talking about was too elegant. I do a little bathroom humor when it's me. You do. And we don't really like that. So with you out we talked about uh smelling a penis to see if it smelled fucked well specifically at the dentist office not to get too weird but to be quite honest i don't know how we got into this we had yeah it was you that was your brain child smelling the penis came from your brain. Right, but I don't know

why the dent... I think we were talking about dental hygienists were the sexist. Okay, yeah, yeah. You compared them to stewardesses. Flight attendants. Yeah, and then I think it might have been Dan that said... He might have, yeah. You know what? Let's quit guessing and let's run the clip.

Let's find out who said what. Dental hygienists, I think, are the new airline. Yeah, they are. They are. West Virginia. That there isn't. There's like there's like hygienist influencers on Instagram. It's a hot profession.

It is kind of a hot profession. You're right. Yeah. It's the best part of the your trip to the dentist office is the hygienist. Mm hmm. And you're like, what if they just give me this gas and fuck me? Yeah, you think that every single time. It could be done.

I always smell my dick after the dentist. Yeah, just to make sure. Is this dick fucked? My dick smells fucked. My teeth feel clean and my dick is fucked. Why does my dick smell fucked? It smells fresh. This dick has been fucked

within the last hour. What about a guy? What the fuck is that? Trying to pad the... get his body count up and he always just claims his dick smells fucked after blacking out.

He wakes up. Hey, anyone else who's got a dick smell fucked? Oh, no, it has. No, it has. Smell my dick and tell me it hasn't been fucked. No, no, no. This has been fucked.

Yeah. You guys are fucking with me right now. That's another number on the kill list. Notch on the belt. This has been a fucked dick. Counts all the times his dick smelled fucked. No, smell lower on the shaft. No, I remember what, like... I think it's been fucked twice.

Post-puberty, my mom sent me down. She's like, so after you go to the dentist to get your wisdom teeth out, I need you to smell your dick. Is that our lunch? Mom, just smell it for me. What's your posture when you do that? When you get your dick fucked? No, when you do that when you get your dick fucked no uh no missionary smell it

i think you just walk have you guys been thinking over the last few days since that show about your penises i've been sniffing might smell like you've been sniffing i i've gotten so good at it i can smell uh okay i smelled kb's penis and knew. Nick's getting too good at it. I know. I knew that it was doggy style. He knows the position. I can smell the position on his cock because the undercarriage is more pussy on the top. He's constantly throwing me under the bus, constantly calling me out. It's often that he has to do that.

How's your dick smelling? It smells like anesthetics. Sussian choline, a general anesthetic that my orthodontist used to use to me. I never had to. He was like, do you want to go under to get your braces tightened? And I said, yeah. Yes, I did. Wake up.

Dick. Dick smelled fucked. Nick, how was the dentist? There was one cavity. But enough about penis. Let's go into pennies. We talk about one thing. We're idiots.

It's just we talk about dick and cock. Dick and cock. Dick and cock. Dick and cock. We're like, yeah, we're testing the limits, the mathematical permutations to which dick and cock can be talked about in different manners. It's election season, but this is a different DNC. We're talking dick and cock. I thought the main goal was to get away from this. Well, we're on Scott Pena. Okay. I thought the main goal was to get away from this. Well, we're on Scott. We're on Scott. That's okay.

And the thing about Scott Pinas is his last name isn't Pinas or penis. We just know his first name is Scott. I don't know how he got that either. I just black out every time. We just decided his name is penis with an N-Y above the N. He's an Hispanic Cincinnati man. So this is Scott Pena. His first call.

His first call. This is a wild ride. It starts and then it goes somewhere else. Like most wild rides. Yeah. Let's get into the penis. This guy, this is Scott in Cincinnati. The dump in the shower guy calling back in what's up dude hey boys what's up hey scott how's your girlfriend in prison she's she's still there and

i i can't even i don't have the web address but i'd like you to shout out how bad they are like here is some or something stupid that you can't even get a hold of your girlfriend in prison you pay for money now because they won't let you see them in person wait so but isn't she only there for 10 days

yeah but it's been how many days has it been 7 you tell me dude I don't want you in jail I think It's been a while. You tell me, dude. I don't want you in jail. I think it's been seven. Let me figure that one out for you. Let me just trace back the date. Yeah. Alright.

Eight. Seven. Are you just... Do you actually not know how many days it is? Is she going to walk in the door one day? I'm going to try to figure it out. The 23rd is when her next court date is. Oh, so she might stay in jail. Well, I don't think so because of the population and all that crap, but I don't know.

Yeah. Are you going to go to her court date? Yeah, obviously. Well, I mean, you're not going to visit her in prison, dude. Dude, I'm trying. They won't let you visit them in prison. So all you got to do is, like, you try to set up this account, and I can't set it up, and they won't let me.

What do you mean? Like, I set the account up, and I try to set up a meeting with her. Email, send all the details to Stephen Che. I set the account up, and I try to set up a meeting with her. Email. Send all the details to Stephen Che. DM the details to Stephen Che, and he'll figure it out for you. It's likely a forgotten password. Stupid as hell. Yeah.

That sucks. Speaking of which. Yeah. Did you shit in the drain? Did you do the deed? No, I just want to see my girl. Oh, this man is in pain. This is actually sad in pain this is actually sad if it's on video it's on video all right get it to steven chey dm it to steven chey dm it to steven chey on twitter he will figure this out for you i i will clear his schedule which i don't have actually the authority to do but his schedule has now been cleared. Wait.

Boom. Stephen Chay got his schedule completely cleared. He is only working for you today, Scott. He's fixing this for you. Because Stephen Chay thinks Tim Bates doesn't be good. Yeah. Yeah. He's an idiot. Right.

That's so stupid. Get him, Stephen. Get him. Seriously, though, dude. If I send my shit to him, will he? Yes. I'm sure it's something. It's not like an airline situation,

but it's in a situation where this company sucks bad. DM him. Do you have an email, Stephen Steven that you feel comfortable saying? Just DM me. Don't use the word penis or cock in it and I will see it. If you don't use penis

or cock, you'll be good. What if that's in his last name? What's the email I got sent to? Scott Penis. No, just DM him on Twitter. Scott Penis. My guess is that your caps lock is on. Stephen Che is like the only Buccaneer fan in the

world, right? Fact. It's like it's I am legend. This guy's trying to do. Yeah, this is trying to help you out here. He's the only man who's going to help you, so you better be nice. I know. And I didn't mean to be mean to him. No, it's

alright, dude. I really do want to talk to this girl. And the fact is that this company, I started an account with them. I put like 50 bucks in it. It's like, okay, that way she can call me. Did you sign up for OnlyFans? Well, there's no way she can call me. So it's like, it's weird. Yeah.

All right. We're going to figure this out for you, Scott. Hit up Stephen Shea. He's got this. Yeah. Alright, we're going to figure this out for you, Scott. Hit up Stephen Shea. He's got this. Are we also talking like through the phone wall visit? Are we talking conjugal visit? Oh, no, no, no. They won't let you do in-person visits anymore.

Yes, you're talking about Zoom. You're just trying to get on Zoom. We'll got you. Stephen Shea is the smartest man I know. Fact. I'll give you. Stephen Chay is the smartest man I know. Fact. I'll give you an Adam Schefter background. Girlfriend will love it. I appreciate that, dude. That means a lot to me. All right, Scott.

Take it easy, man. Good luck. Scott. He gets a free fucking Adam Schefter background. Incredible. His girlfriend's going to be like, why did you change everything in our apartment? I know we're over Zoom, but I can tell it smells like shit. Yeah.

Is that a family? Is there shit in the bathtub? Yeah. What's going on here? You didn't go to Michigan. How do you have a million mini Michigan helmets? So I got the list here of everything you guys talked about. Who the fuck is Shanice?

Shanice? Shanice. Who is Shanice? We were talking about shoe nice and brandon's shoe nice he's the youtube star he's have you ever been on shoe nice okay oh god um shoe nice eats everything yeah not like you uh non-doodle yeah not donuts not shit like other things yeah and uh he's got to be running out of material how did he come up on the show i don't know again i don't i don't know yeah what did we say i don't know something about uh

what is it you said internet legends we were talking about like shoenice like shoenice and the show was ending and uh let's just hear i don't remember you had a cool video up this weekend of yourself oh yeah you chugging that liquor fucking douchebag Josh I'm gonna confiscate his phone what what was the context there just being a legend he posted that

it was an old video it was a 2012 video did you invent the milk milk boys are you Steve will do it people thought they were getting me. Did you get that reference? It was a vodka bottle of water. I always did that. You're Steve will do it.

What? The Nelk Boys. You wouldn't get it, Owen and I. Us youngins. Yeah, you two young bucks. Some Gen Z boys. Yeah, we just graduated college, so it's not a big deal. We understand full send.

You don't. That's that. Full send is the Nelk boys. I just said that, Kyle. Are they the scoundrels that hop into Zoom classes? No, that's Dana B. I think they pay kids to abuse their parents and shoot them with paintball guns.

No, you're thinking of Tom Green and Bam Margera. No, it was Bam. What did you say, Steven? Shoe Nice. Legend of the game as well. Still alive. Still alive. Dying before him.

Shoe Nice actually hates Steve will do it. He says he stole his whole brand. Eating and drinking just random shit. I could see how Shoe Nice would have a little bit of a problem with that. He stole his whole brand. Of just eating and drinking just random shit. Yeah. I could see how Shoe Nice would have a little bit of a problem with that. Shoe Nice started it, but there have been people that perfected the art. Well, you would hope that Shoe Nice, as a competitor of someone who's eating 20 tampons or drinking a gallon of glue, you'd hope a guy like Steve will do it, comes along and pushes you to the next level.

Yeah. You know? We reach higher. We reach incredible heights that we never thought we would get to. Shoe knives didn't do it first. Eating bottle caps or... Who did it? Toddlers with, what is it, pica? What?

They eat their couch and they eat... And they're always chipping up paint. They eat coins. Are you thinking of dogs? I'm thinking of kids. Kids eat couches? Don't eat before you make fun of them. Pika? Yes. P-I-K-A, I think.

And when do they have that? I've seen it with my own eyes, first hand. Just a kid eating a couch. You've walked in on a kid, a little child, just eating, gnawing on a couch. And what did you do? You stopped them.

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What was movie music? Well, on your stupid-ass Pick Central show, you know, that shitty-ass show. You talk about scores. I show. You talk about scores. I do. We talk about scores. Oh, epic scores. That's right. And I'm not talking about Kyle getting some pussy on the weekend either.

Not that either. We're talking. Very well could. You guys talk about that a lot, though. Movie scores. And I was actually against it at first. I said, why would you ever want to listen to a movie score outside of a movie? And I was quickly put into my place because.

It relies on, I thought so as well. It relies on the cinematography of an award-winning film. You think. It very much doesn't. You would think a lot of times, like, I think the score is the least important part of a film. I'll mute it and throw in closed captions. I don't know that I would. I feel like I could argue against that. The natural natural would be natural without that great score at the end the

musical notes coming up on the captions the subtitles doesn't does it enough it does it enough for me i can imagine any sort of tune um but yeah well let's uh let's go into movie scores all right we're on one can you play some some Batman music? Like Batman 2 or Batman, the most recent ones? Batman, the most recent one. Yeah, those always get me. The Interstellar one's good, too. Oh, yeah? Yeah?

You're thinking of Daft Punk, Inception. That's a really good one, too. You want to play some Interstellar for O-Dog? I've never been a movie score guy. No. Doesn't do it for me. Really? Never.

I love movie scores.rek 2 shrek 2 because then when you listen you feel like you're in the movie but how would you know 100 days of summer where's that 500 500 i haven't seen it yeah yeah and we know uh kurt in baltimore has he said he has some Owen drama. Oh, fuck yes. Did you tube man one of your Zoom calls? Well, think back to what you've done and say yes or no. Let me smell that dick. Nobody's ever drank a coffee faster than that. Oh, he's nervous.

We can decline the call. Imagine tube man, like the forensic investigators come in and like, let me smell that dick. Yup. Smells like Juergens. Imagine being such a sexual deviant. You are a jerking off over like conference call just to the sound of business. That's straight boredom. It was like a boredom.

I bet you that. Yeah. There's definitely, if you did the pie chart of, of masturbation, there's, I'd say 20% is just boredom. Like what else am I going to do?

Is 59%. Really? Yeah. yeah how many what percent is hung over i think that would fall into boredom no no you're very different i've never cured a hangover even temporarily with little bust i wouldn't know i'm repulsed by it. Is this Interstellar? This is Inception. Interstellar was like... I went through like three songs. It's just like a long cello the whole time. Come on, O-Dog.

It's good shit. I can turn it on if you want. No, do the Batman. This sucks. The Dark Knight? Yeah, one of the last two. Owen almost fell out of my inner circle last night. What?

Yeah. Someone said that he was a vegetarian. You're vegetarian, Owen? And then I asked him and he's like, nope. So he was back in. Those are people. People want in that circle so bad they'll make up bullshit lies. Cutthroat.

This is Batman? The Dark Knight. This doesn't do anything for you? No. Why would it? What about the last scene for Batman when he's driving along in the motorcycle? That one. Or just like...

Live long enough to be the... Remember the name, Fort Minor? No, not that, Owen. God damn it. Come on. One strike. Fuck. Demerit.

Demerit. Demerit. Demerit. Demerit. Fort Minor. Yeah, go for it. We learned a fun fact about him, right? I think it was widely known and we're just out of the loop. We were idiots. What is it?

Didn't know he was the guy in Linkin Park. Never knew. You guys knew? That's actually true. Colby, you knew? Fort Minor. Yeah, I thought everyone knew. And Fort Minor is just one man named after an entire fort.

Sounds like a presidential retreat. Keep going. Keep playing it. Yeah, we should just have which president would go to Fort Minor. Many of them. We've got to build the conversation along the soundtrack. So that was the movie score bullshit you guys talked about but our boy scott penias wasn't finished he wasn't finished he wasn't finished he wasn't from finland norwegian

thank you guy Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Scott Penas. So while we were listening to the movie. Go ahead. Are you guys angry at each other? You just kind of piped up there. Go ahead. Yeah. Mr. Voice.

No, I'll pipe down. No. Don't pipe down. We need you to pipe. While we were listening to the movie scores, we got a call. And it was a familiar voice. Who was it, Kyle? Say it like it's meant to be said.

Scott Penas. I fucked that up. Let's everyone try, because it's hard. Trill the N. Scott Penas. I can't roll an N. I don't even know if you can roll an N. I think that's an R. It's strictly an R thing

Scott Penas Penas He called back in Does he have the direct line? Because he's just calling willy nilly And the thing about him is I don't think he knows any of us Like who we are

Not a clue Or what we do I don't know I don't know why he called us in the first place maybe he couldn't get his girlfriend out of jail because he kept calling us and being on hold on the wrong people he has to be calling the wrong people um yeah i wouldn't be shocked so we're gonna find out tomorrow what happens with his situation. That'll be on next week. So I guess tune in to next week. Yeah. If you weren't going to.

Not really a tomorrow in a week-to-week situation, you see. No, no, that's fine. Tomorrow. Yeah. Well, let's hear Scotty call in. Here's Scott Penas. Whoosh. Scott Penas is calling in.

Oh, perfect. We've just honeypotted Scott Penas to be a frequent caller. Scott Penas, you're on the line. Mr. Penas. I didn't want to even call him, but Stephen Chay. You didn't even want to. Like, DM me. And then he said, dude, they're talking about you.

What? Yeah. Well, we were. We're going to get your girlfriend. We're going to get you Zooming with your girlfriend. You haven't yet, but I can't... Like, I'm doing everything. I was on hold for two hours this morning.

And there's no one you can talk to. Hold on one sec, Scott. We got another call. Let me put you on hold real quick. I love Penas. I love him. He doesn't give a fuck about this. I love this guy, Scott Penas. He talks to us like we're his roommate.

He's not disputed his last name once. He doesn't even start with that letter. He's just got a chill attitude. He accidentally called our line. He's got a chill-ass attitude. He's the man. This guy, Scott Penas, what a fucking legend. Yak legend. Is he on hold? Yeah, he's the man. This guy, Scott Penas. What a fucking legend. Yak legend.

Is he on hold? Yeah. He's on hold. Cool. For what? We're doing it to him back. Scott, are you still there? Yeah, that was crazy shit, dude.

Wait, hold on one sec. All right, back to hold. Hasn't he been through enough? Well, he's just a hold guy. You know what? This is like practicing. Yeah, you're right. For what the criminal justice system is going to do to our man, Penas.

He's going to put him on hold. We've got to get him. It's like swinging with a donut. I'm getting jacked up just thinking about it. Tonight he's going to be on hold and it's going to be light work. Penas. I'm so ready for Penas. Penas. I'm so ready for Penas. Penas.

All right, let's get him on. Penas, you're back. What's up? Hey, you didn't... Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, girl. It's got to be better. You've got to come back.

It's got to be better, Penas. I'm putting you back on. We need you on more. There's a banner in front of you, Penas. You're on hold, Penas. You've got to come back. You've got to be better. I'm putting you back on. We need you on board. There's a banner in front of you, Penias. You're on hold, Penias. You've got to wait. Get yourself jacked up, Penias. Bring the noise.

The ballad of Scott Penias. It's always good to help out a Scott P with his wife. You think he was innocent? I don't know. Isn't it weird that we had Drew Peterson and Scott Peterson pretty much at the same time? Yeah. Different spelling, I believe. Rank them. And Doug. Throw Doug in there. Well, Drew Peterson...

And Jordan as well. Drew Peterson. Rob Lowe's playing of Drew Peterson in Untouchable is the greatest acting performance of all time. I would tell everyone to go out and watch it right now. It's a lifetime movie. Drew Peterson. Peterson's story. Untouchable.

What about Adrian Peterson? Enough about him. Let's switch to Pennis. All right, yeah. Scott, you're back. Okay, guys. Yes. You had to dog me like that.

No, we're not dogging you, Scott. We're getting you prepared for what the courts are going to do to you. Big Cat, I love you. I love you, too, Scott Penas. You're the best podcast. Second is Rob Lowe. Yeah, I love you. I love you too, Scott Penas. You're the best podcast. Second is Rob Lowe. Yeah, that's true. But Scott, you realize what we're doing with this hold exercise is we're getting you in shape for when the court puts you on hold.

Dude, the court, they got nothing against me. I know, but they keep putting you on hold. I heard you're on hold. Friday's recording. I'd like to see her before then. We're going to get it done. We're going to get it done. Stephen Chey.

I like your dude, your dude, James Chey or whatever. You don't hear that. Did he accomplish anything for you? Scott, Scott, Scott. I've put my best man on the job. Stephen Che literally is my best man.

He's a good dude. Stephen Che. He's a killer. That's his name. Yes. He's a good dude, man. Oh, yeah. Yes.

He's the one we send out to do the dirty work. Like following instructions. There's no dirty work to be done. I mean, it's not like we're killing somebody

put him back on hold he doesn't understand that we're taking down the prison system I had to put him back on hold talking about the M word I think I just want to have this soundtrack playing for my entire life it sounds like Steven did nothing for this man besides be nice to him.

He listened. That's something in 2020. Where do you think Kurt is at right now? Kurt? Yeah. Owen's been smiling ever since Kurt got off. Oh, yeah. Kurt in Baltimore.

Dead. This music's sick. It's so sick. All right. Yeah, it is sick. It. This music's sick. It's so sick. All right, yeah, it is sick. It kind of is, yeah. Right? It just makes you feel pumped up to talk about a woman being in jail in Cincinnati. The man who loves her.

Cincinnati jail has to be worse than all other jails. No, they have, yeah all other jails. No, they have good jails. Scott strikes me as the type of guy when his lady gets out of jail, he's going to be like, I waited for you. I waited. Ten days. I didn't hook up with anyone else.

All right, Scott. All right, Scott. You're back, Scott. You're back. All right. I appreciate that. Yeah, we love you, man. I appreciate the fact that you guys are like

having fun at my own risk and i appreciate that so scott we got to get this solved i really do think steven chay can do it can you send him all the information he needs to help because he really is the guy they've never sent me an email the the company that like took my money They've never sent me an email. The company that took my money, they've never sent me an email. Alright, so send Steven to Cincinnati. I gave her inmate information

in. Send Steven an email to set up an account. I'll pay for Scott Penas. Steven Che is listening right now. Steven, if I need to pay for Scott Penas to get a new account, I will do so. It's terrible. Like, big cat. Think about this.

It's your girl, man. It's your girl. I know. I know. I know. It's not right. We're going to get this fixed, though, Scott. I swear to God, we're going to get this fixed.

I'm the best man on the job. Hey, let me tell you one thing. Let me tell you one thing. I love you. I love you, too. And I miss the horse racing. Yeah. I'm going to do it randomly one night.

I'm just going to do it one night. When you're not expecting it, boom, Cat Cave Derby. You're my man. You're ready. All right, Scott when you're not expecting it. Boom. Cat Cave Derby. Yeah. You're my man. All right, Scott, we're going to get this all. Talk to Steven. Worst case scenario. Friday's real close. Yeah, no, but we're going to make it all this. No, worst case

scenario. Scott, we're going to get this. What the hell am I going to do? Do you want to call me every day? Yeah. We call him every day. Yes. Two more days. Yes. But whatever, scott we're gonna get this fixed all right we'll talk to you tomorrow scott okay she's begging to see you too all right free scott penas all right see ya fucking love that guy great guy what time is it in cincinnati like 8 p.m just a little after eight okay okay it's time to get it's time to get Scott Penas' lady out of jail.

He sounds like he's losing patience. Not with us. He's tired of the fucking single life. We do this ad read on? Sure. We should find out what she did. No. We'll assume. This isn't about her. This isn't about her this isn't about us about scott penas

where's my penas file get me my penas file call them oil what is uh our man is behind enemy lines what is the John Q quote? No one would ever know that. All right, go. Besides Jeff Lowe. This episode is brought to you by Magic Spoon. I've personally been trying to cut down on carbs, sugar, and unhealthy food because I don't want to look like one of my coworkers. And I realized I basically can't eat anything anymore. Magic Spoon has zero sugar, 11 grams of protein, and only three net of carbs in each serving

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We thank Magic Spoon for sponsoring the podcast. For real though, after the ad, Magic Spoon, very good. Steve, why don't you go ahead and sound the motherfucking alarm? Because we had a chick in the studio. It's the chick alarm. Why don't you just try right now? Ahuga. Ahuga.

That's right. We had a girl in the studio. Real live girl. Hannah, the's right. We had a girl in the studio. Real live girl. Hannah, the weather clouds need detained. And KB, it's almost like when there's a girl in studio, you flip a switch. Ah, fuck at fuck out of here. And you guys always say this. I just don't think you guys know how to behave around women. And you do, apparently. Yes. And it showed always say this. I just don't think you guys know how to behave around women. And you do, apparently.

Yes. And it showed on the show. Yeah. Let's check it out. Let's dive in. Hey, Hannah. Hi. What's up?

So what do you want to do, Nick? We have an errand. We're doing an eating contest, and we obviously can't go off air during our show. So we need four chocolate muffins. One, two, three, four. And one of those rainbow tarps. They have them at Dwayne Reed. You want me to go get them?

Yes. It's right down the nit, and he will pay. Press the on. It's on. Yeah, okay. And a garlic mincer? No. They have one.

We're not mincing. We're doing the muffin contest. Hannah, can you actually find someone to go get this stuff? I couldn't. Because Nick just failed right now. So you brought me on air to go ask me to run an errand for you. No, but now we've changed it. You're going to go find someone to run the errand for you, for us.

Delegate. Yeah, Nick just totally chickened out. I think I can easily do that. Yeah, so just- You want me to go find someone? Nah, just bounce and go slide back with someone new. A new head. Because we're going to do this.

We're doing this dumbass clown shit with these muffins. And we- I just- Can you explain it to me? We're doing like this. This is goofy shit, but we're having a muffin eating contest. And we need a tarp. I'll eat everyone. No, this ain're having a muffin eating contest. We need a tarp. No, this ain't about you, big head.

We're doing a muffin. Damn. Say that. I don't even know these vibes right now. Yeah, no, it's bad. The vibes are really bad. This is really bad vibes. We need muffins and a tarp.

Yeah, I'll go find someone. I'm going to get my wallet and I'm going to find someone uninitiated. Can you guys just be nice to Hannah? Yeah. Hannah, you can be excused whenever you want because they don't... Sorry, my guy Kyle here. I don't think we've ever even talked.

No, yeah. I'm going to get my wallet. Oh, no. I think this is a great opportunity for you two to talk. Oh, yeah. I'm going to get my wall. Mad rude. Oh, no. No, that wasn't it. I think this is a great opportunity for you two to talk. To get to know each other. They were trying to do a prank. On me?

No. Well, I did, I guess. Do you think that I'm gullible or something? Because I'm not. No. Not necessarily. They told me to grab you, and I didn't allow it. I told Nick to grab someone who was new.

I'm not new. No, you're not new. You've been here for years. I got somebody who's never been on the Yak. Nick Dungoo. I've never been on the Yak. There we go. So that's how you say I am new.

There we go. So we need someone to go to Duane Reade and get something that doesn't exist for us. Oh. Well, it exists. Just not at Duane Reade. It's a goose chase. Okay. But I will not be doing the goose chase i

hate i'm very sorry no no i do not it's actually better that she's the messenger now because it's not nick like obviously it's a bit now she needs to go find somebody okay that's fun i can but big catch time to go do that you're gonna have to play along now now yeah i totally can you're in you're in who can i do we need someone who's the most gullible. I am pretty gullible. So someone who's maybe new and also alien. Oh, and there's this guy that sits, I don't like, don't know many people, but there's this guy that sits like in a dark corner in the back.

He looks pretty gullible. Ooh, yeah. In the back? What makes you look gullible? Me look gullible? No, what makes someone look gullible to you? Oh, like they're just like super, like he looks just like timid. He looks timid.

Like I feel like I could tell him anything. But what dark corner that one? It's like in the back. Like he definitely is new. He's definitely new because he doesn't even have his own desk. He's in the dark corner. If it's Tevo and those guys listened. Yes, I think they're listening Zach that she's talking about

better. No, there's so much better. The vibes are better. Yeah. Oh, God. Well well we still need somebody yeah no owens our guy so this is your first time talking to kyle but is he someone that you've had your eyes on for a while you know oh i don't know if we would go that far would you call kyle a stallion i would not classify him as that as yeah no i'm not a horse breed. Something close. Hannah, if you had to pick a perfect height of a man. 6'5".

I love him tall. Kyle, you are 6'4"? What is your height, Kyle? If you don't mind me asking. Stand up. 5'9". A dyslexic 6'5". A dyslexic six-five.

A dyslexic six-five. Okay. Just flip it around a little bit. It's scoliosis, so if you straightened out my body, I would be six foot. Yeah. I mean, I would like accept someone who is six foot and above. Not below? I really have never gone on a date with anyone like lower than six foot.

It's something I live by. I'm so sorry, Kyle. Oh, this? No. You're not offending me. Who am I offending? I don't know. How tall are you, Big Cat? Six three. Oh, perfect. Donnie's over six feet. I carry myself like... You do look very

tall. What? Sitting. And he's slouching too you just like most people assume he's shorter than kyle yeah everybody thinks so oh and how tall are you couldn't tell you yeah good answer good answer oh because i just tore apart your height yeah what but no no no he literally doesn't know his own height I wasn't listening to you yeah

I've been to a doctor since he was 10 years old none of what you said applied to me do you like the movie Moneyball I don't know what that is you'll find out

what is it can someone explain it to me it's a movie about Owen's favorite movie yeah you gotta see it can you tell me about it, Owen? It's better

if you just find out. How would I find out? Are you going to watch it with me? Yeah, I could. It's on Netflix. Is that a date? I don't know. It's kind of like asking. He doesn't want to go on a date with me. Girls actually love what he's doing right now.

He's not trying to do that. That's him. That's his personality. That's why he's doing right now. He's not trying. Yeah. That's him. That's his personality. That's why he's electric. Oh, the most electric guy we got at the office. He's electric.

Yes. Up and coming heartthrob. Very. Oh, and say something. Say something crazy. Oh, that was it.

Yeah. He did the laugh. Did I do? You want me to say something crazy? Where are you from? I just ate my lunch. Long Island. What is your voice?

It was going so well. It didn't crash. He's like, let me just get this Coke real quick. No, that didn't crack. That was barely a crack. No, that was a microphone mishap. Yeah, that was... His voice was too deep for it to register, and that was feedback.

All right, so Len... Great accent, even better eyes. No, I love the accent. Yeah, for his eyes. I like Southern boys, too. Buffett. Jimmy Buffett. Robert E. Lee.

Robert E. Lee. Robert E. Lee. You guys are looking at me funny. Like, are these not the first names to the last name you're referring to? Yeah, you got two for two. Lee. Robert E. Robert E. Lee. He was on the...

Hunter. What was that? He was an Allman brother once upon a time. There's a Bachelor. Bachelor season... Three. Three. Oh, wow.

That is... Right, but he knows The Bachelor. He might not be six foot, but he knows The Bachelor. He was short. He was a short man. I'm referring to you. You know your Bachelor knowledge. Robert was short, too.

And he didn't stop him. He's memorialized all over the country. But people were just shorter back then. True. That's a good point. Robert Pattinson is only 5'7". Yeah. Tom Cruise. Zach Efron, I hear, is literally 5'6". That's wrong. point. Robert Pattinson is only 5'7". Yeah. Tom Cruise.

Zac Efron I hear is like literally 5'6". That's wrong. I've met him. 5'8". This is not true. He's at least 5'9". No. And his personality makes him at least 6'4".

I mean, I guess I like spoke way too soon. Like personality does add to it. Yeah. You guess. Personality does. How tall is Zac Efron? What if there's a dude who's like

5'8"? 5'8". He's 5'8". Yes, that's 5'9", if you round up. With a personality. With a personality. Okay. What if they're, like, really good at wrestling? I hate wrestling. It's like the worst men. You hate WWE. That's cool. That's accurate.

No, no, no. Keep going. You hate those masses. Which type do you hate? I can just say that high school wrestling definitely made me feel uncomfortable. I wasn't one to attend a match. What about when they go to college and do it?

It's still creepy. It's creepier. It's creepier. You walk up to a girl and you're like, yeah, I'm a fucking wrestler. Well, you can tell by their ears. I didn't have to say I would wear my gear everywhere. Were you a wrestler? I get wrestler vibes from you. Never had to tell anyone.

D1, though. D1 wrestler, where? Kent State. Come on. Everyone knows that. It's like asking where Tim Tebow went to college. I'm just learning about him, remember? Binghamton? That was a good guess.

SUNY Cortland? That was also a good guess. SUNY Brockport? Is that it? None of these are right. I don't know. Your SUNYs? Can you do all the SUNYs?

SUNY Oneonta? Oneonta. See, that's where you went? No, but I was just fixing it. You're correcting me. Do all the SUNYs. Robert E. Lee. The way that's where you went? No, but I was just fixing it. You're correcting me. Do all the students. Robert E. Lee. The way that you make eye contact with me, it's so aggressive.

He's not aggressive. He's not looking at you. He's looking through you. You look straight and then you look at me and it's just kind of overwhelming. He's working on that. I can teach you eye contact if you want. No. Just softer with the eyes.

Some people need the stimulation. So you don't like wrestlers. You don't like short guys. You exclusively Southern. What do you think about guys that are always kind of damp? Please, please. Like sweaty. Like he's physically active.

Just like a glistening man. Always. So like he has a sweaty palm. He always has a sheen to him. He's beaded. It's like whatever a glow is, it's one step past the glow. Is there like a musty smell to him? Yes.

So he hasn't showered after the weekend? No, it's like he's been, he just hiked National Park entirely. Yeah, and he's all out of chewy bars. Oh, so like you're talking about like a granola crunch bar. Or Nature Valley bar, let's say.

I wouldn't say yes to that. Trick question, I'm describing Bryson Tiller. Who's that? It's a singer. Or a rapper. I don't know who that is. Shit. You should know.

Get your facts out. All right. Let's take a break. Yeah. And then we'll find someone. I do want to still find someone. Appreciate you coming on. Thank you for having me.

I'll connect you guys after. Can Owen send us in a break? Yeah. Owen, why don't you send us in a break, alright? Uh, sure I did just want to clarify, I am like done with puberty That voice crack wasn't a He's still thinking about the voice crack Okay, cool

So, on the record O-Dog Done with puberty All your pubes that you'll ever have, you've grown already I guess, grown already I guess Yeah I guess so How old are you?

It sounds like 21 21 Sounds like Do you like This is Holocene By Bon Iver Do you guys want me

To just explain What I like Yeah go ahead Real quick We're gonna go to a break But before we go to a break Someone who stamps Just say it

List it Like literally Just like a 6'3 hockey player. Oh. That's just like it for me. That's it. We got Riggs. Yeah.

Riggs. I don't. Riggs. Oh. You said that was literally it. That's an arranged marriage set. But like a professional athlete. Oh.

Yeah. Okay. So we want only pros. 6'3 avid hiker. I don't hate hikers. I think they're cool. They're one with nature. That's true.

But they're not my type. A Zamboni driver who makes minimum wage but has 800,000 Instagram followers. Absolutely not. Instagram does not. I don't care. And access to an ice rink at all times. What if he can't skate? He can skate really well.

But he makes minimum wage. Correct. And does not play pro. Correct. But 800,000 Instagram followers. No. So he could do some swipe ups. He could do some swipe ups.

He could get me some clout. Yep. Clout would be there. This past season, technology took sports viewership to the next level. Why are you talking so loud? This past season, technology took sports viewership to the next level. NBA teams featured digital fans in the stands to watch the games virtually and pump the players up. When it comes to hiring for your business, there's one solution that's been advancing its technology for years.

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Why? Because right now you get the chance to try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash yak. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash y-a-k. What are you waiting for? Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash yak. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Fuck FM has been in our back pocket for a while. Yeah, we've been sitting on that.

It's been sitting on us. It's been sitting on us, weighing on us. But you didn't know. We tried to do it. We did a video. Fuck FM was originally a radio station that played just fart sounds. And Kyle, do you remember the type of farts? The stink.

It was the stinkiest farts on the internet. They only played the stinkiest farts. Not the loudest or the wettest. The stinkiest. Which doesn't really translate audio yeah you can scour the internet forever and not find a stinkier one yeah yeah you're right we've tried we we we compiled a big log of the stinkiest uh farts and then we didn't do anything with it so we just had fuck fm and it was these two voices it was a nick fucking kyle yeah and uh we just brought it to radio uh yeah which was a way better

idea than what we were doing right because we had a rate we have a real radio show where you could test that out with yeah it should have been the first thought it should have been the first thing yeah but what you didn't know was you were just lacking one person we were lacking yeah steve steve clit we need you need to stay and that's steve clit with a k k l i t t k l i t t and uh mr clit do you want to bring us into this segment? S. Clit, why don't you bring us in? All right, it's Fuck FM. Welcome back. We got Nick, Fuck, and Kyle.

And Brandon, I don't know why we just edged you out. I never got into Fuck FM. You completely ignored it. I'm not even cool enough to work on a fictional. Honestly? Honestly? I didn't even know. I forgot about you. I honestly forgot about you. i was sitting right there the whole

time you skipped me you had owen on it yeah we did we did and uh this is the uh the first time we've unveiled fuck fm all right all right all right welcome back to the yeah Yeah. Let's. You feeling that in the air? You're Brandon. You flinched. I did flinch. You flinched. I did flinch. Why don't you step up and get on one?

Scared little bitch over here. Come up here. I'm on one. You want me to be on one? Are you guys on one? I didn't hear your piece. I don't know how to do a gunshot. Pew, pew.

All right, that works. You afraid of heights? Come up here. Get up here. All right. Here we are. Let's be on pew. All right, that works. Yeah, you afraid of heights? Get up here. All right. Here we are. Let's be on one. You guys are on one.

Yeah. How are you guys doing? Good to see you. Doing okay. Good, good, good. I was worried you weren't going to be here. Why is that? Just was.

I was worried you weren't going to be here, but you are here. I am here. Kyle is here. It is me, Kyle, and Nick, and we're doing the act. Big Cat will probably be back halfway through the show. Maybe. here. Kyle is here. It is me, Kyle, and Nick and we're doing the act. Big Cat will probably be back halfway through the show. Maybe. Cool. Possibly. And okay. Not ready at all. He's not ready. Steve.

Not ready. He's putting his headphones on. Come on up here with us. Get on one. What's up? Hi, Steve. How we doing? I'm doing good. Are you on one? I'm always on one, dude. Yeah, he is. I'm pouring on one, dude. Yeah, he is. We're on one. For those listening at home, Steve just pulled down his mask, put up a peace sign, and licked

between the fingers. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Yeah. Ew. Well, that's kind of weird. Yeah. Good technique.

I've been told that before. No. No. No. No. All right. So what are we going to do? Praised pussy licker Stephen Chan.

Welcome back to Fuck FM. You're listening to Fuck FM. Live from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I'm Brandon Walker. Let's talk about high school football. 97.3 Fuck FM. I want someone who just covers like factual Football information in that cadence

Yeah He talks about like Louisiana Tech's three point victory Over UL Monroe It's Fuck FM With Brandon in the clip Let's talk about laughing Overtime win Over Tulsa let's talk about laughing overtime win over Tulsa

yeah he's so fucking excited all the time yeah that's how he talks leaves the studio and goes to the Hardys in Ruston Louisiana let's shoot over to Birmingham Suburban High School Football the Hoover High.

Squeaked out a big win. I don't even know what voice that is. It's getting higher and higher and higher. Shit. Oh, man. Fuck FM. Fuck FM. I had that program in Mississippi.

What's even more boring than high school football? Let's talk about local government, city government, city supervisors meetings or aldermen's meetings. Wheeling has one where they have a pick them for West Virginia football. And everybody on the panel was eight and eight. I remember that from the newspaper. They would all pick the local high school games then like wvu and marshall games as well yeah they were all the same experts the first time i thought i made it in life is when i was on the pick'em on the news in our local

newspaper yeah i had my picture in the pick'em i thought that was it that was the pinnacle of human existence welcome back to fuck fm The Panera on 4th and 3rd just closed down. Do the weather. Why are you so loud now? Do the weather. I don't know, dude. You were boring me. Yeah, you do the weather.

You're my co-host, Nick Fuck. Nick Fuck would be on Fuck FM. The titular character Fuck the titular character the titular character of Fuck FM I'll interrupt Brandon with the weather here later on in the show ok so the weather's coming let's just get some fucking calls in

you're approaching on one am I getting on one? let's take some fucking calls Braxton in Portland who's having girl problems you got this one you're supposed to talk now Braxton in Portland who's having girl problems. You got this one. Hello, boys. You're supposed to talk now. Braxton, how we feeling?

What's the issue, brother? Chicks or chits? Lay it on us. Well, I'm glad I called in to fuck FM because I'm fucked, boys. Spill the beans. I recently got into the podcast endeavor, and my girlfriend thinks that it takes too much time and she's making this ultimatum. Either it's me or the podcast makes fun of me because I tried to run social media for this thing. And we have, you know, our followers are growing, but it's, you know, if you guys know when you start, it's small and she makes fun of us.

We don't have enough followers, not worth my time. Do I continue to pursue the podcast or do I stick with the girls? Yeah. Well, brother, I can't. It's a passion project. So, I mean. No, no.

Why are you getting out? I can't. Fucking do it. I can't. I can't because this is real. Come on, KB. Do you do it because you're passionate about it or because you want to grow and become big and profitable?

Honestly, it's just because I love it. I mean, it's a sports and gambling podcast in Oregon, which is very, very new in the state. She should let that go. How hot is the girl? Yeah. She's pretty damn hot. She's an incredible woman couple tits but she's just not she she does have a pair of tits yes she got two um oh man you gotta you can't give up a twofer but it's like she's just not into sports and it's all okay okay

all right the key question. How good looking are you? Can you go to the girlfriend well and get another one, or is it a long time in between? It's Spence, right? It's not Spence. It's Brandon. It's Braxton.

This is Braxton. Though we're on the hunt. I guess. Braxton, you want to put her on? She's at work. You think I'd be talking about this out loud at home? You live with her? Maybe she was in the den.

In the cave. I don't know. Yeah, just throw us her line. No, just look at it through her perspective. Here's her number. You ready? No, I'm just kidding. Yeah.

You got us. That would have been good. Imagine dating a aspiring podcaster though it's like it's your like 12th anniversary it's like baby i got you this blue microphone i got this yeti yeah well yeah i got the snowball well i guess my final question is what do you guys have any advice for somebody in my position is there a secret in getting this thing to kick off? Hell yeah. Yeah, don't walk away from regular pussy just to do a podcast. I was going to say you could have the best of both worlds if it's a fake podcast.

Because I have a fake podcast. And Kyle, you get enough pussy for the both of us. Yeah, I do. I do. It sucks. All right. Thank you, Braxton, for the call. us. Yeah, I do. I do. It sucks. All right. Thank you, Braxton, for the call. That takes an hour.

Good luck, brother. Keep doing it. Maybe make it unique. Yeah, how often is he podcasting this, affecting his relationship? He's doing a daily podcast. Sounds like that guy was a grower, not a showroom. Yeah. What the fuck happened?

Steve. This is my co-host, Stephen Clitt. Steve Clitt! Coming at you through the airwaves. I'm taking a leave of absence because the doctor found a lump on my testicle. All right. Okay. Steve Clitt. Nick Fox. all right okay so uh steve clit

nick fox steve clit and kyle kyle you're just kyle yeah and you know what that was the week of the yak we were a little short-staffed but you know i think the charm was still there um yeah and just a reminder i hate doing this friday at two the pod's gonna come out every friday at two does the the five stars matter that much they matter okay yeah but i think do that let's leave a comment what should the comments say this week okay we should start cryptic comments um we should start reading some comments but we have to make them worth reading we do and so uh if you got confession, let's let's. Yeah, let's read some confessions.

I want you to leave your deepest, darkest secrets on that underneath that five star review. Actually, authentic confession. And so we will know if it's a confession if the title of the review is Dear Clit. K-L-I-T-T. OK, so make your name. Is it title or name? It's the title. OK, title is Dear Clit.

And then your confession. And we'll or name? It's the title. Okay. Title is Dear Clit. And then your confession. And we'll read them off. That's right. Thank you for listening to Fuck FF. Fuck! Steve Clit, sign off for us.