The Yak - The Introduction of the Tragedy Horn, The Smoochers, David had a Hog, Nick's Straight Dad Loves Trains, and All-Time 2nd Bananas

Episode Date: September 26, 2020

Welcome to the Best of The Yak Podcast. Big Cat, Rone, Brandon Walker, Caleb Pressley, KB NoSwag, and Nick Turani are the Yak. Listen to us build the podcast from scratch and our best clips from the week of The Yak's daily radio show!!!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. So that means Big Cat, that means Brandon Walker, that means KB, and that means Nick, and that means Stephen Che, and that means Colby is also here. Stephen Che's wearing 51 Strokes. And this is the start of it all. This is the beginning of our new podcast journey. So we don't know exactly how it's going to go.

So rather than do that behind the scenes, let's just figure it out right now. Yeah. So, so it's a, it's a, I don't want to clip it. So it's a best of,

and it will be runs me on every week. And then we're going to all rotate in and out. Might be all of us might be some of us to do the ins and outs. So if you listen to the yak on radio, you still got to listen to the podcast because there'll be extra stuff here. Like this stations about the yak like this, you still got to listen to the podcast because there'll be extra stuff here. Like conversations about the yak? Like this. Yeah, inside the yak.

So Ronan and I were driving in this morning and we said, who's going to clip it? Steve and Che don't take offense to anything I'm about to say. We said, Steve and Che being the arbiter of funny might end up just having us like break down Bucks film every week. His funny is like a three cone drill from the 2006 combine.

Right. KB will say yes. And then never do it. Not do it. Yeah. And Nick, uh, can't say no to anything.

Can't say no to anything. So he'll do it. Uh, yes. You guys have backed me into a corner. So Nick will do that. Nick and Colby in conjunction, we'll decide what's on the best of every week. So hypothetically, if I cut Brandon out of anything, this is hypothetical, so his voice isn't on the podcast whatsoever.

Ever. You can't blame me. It's just what's funny to you. Right. It's just what's funny to you. But it's going to be a case-by-case basis, of course, going forward. You haven't already made up your mind. No.

Are you counting this as a new show, Brandon? I am. The ninth show? Very much. No, I actually have another one that beat this one in production, so this will be 10. What do you mean beat it? 10? You're going to run out of characters in your Twitter bio.

This one, I have a second bio. I'm good. Wait, list them all. 10? All right. No, it's not 10. I'm not going to list them all. Do it. List them all. Do it. Please, please. No. 10? All right. No, it's not 10. I'm not going to list them all. Do it.

List them all. Do it. Please, please. No. Brandon. All right. Yak. Unnecessary Roughness.

Yak Podcast. Walk the Line. Pick Central. College Football Show. Morning Sunshine. More Cowbell. Basement Talk. Basement Talk kind of works

And then unannounced You're a fixture on the dozen I am on the dozen Run down Are you a father of four? I am That takes a backseat to the show Husband, follower of Christ

Sucker for all things Sarcasm expert Is that what you're going for? Your new podcast follower of Christ. Steak enthusiast. Sucker for all things. Sarcasm expert. Rubber. Is that what you're going for? Your new podcast, should I say your new podcast is coming out? Yeah, do it. Why not?

We haven't announced it yet. And it's not, we have a brand new podcast coming out. Is Jeffrey Epstein really that bad? It's coming out next week. It's going to be a weekly breakdown. We'll just be on both sides of it. I do the whole thing in the Cosby impression. Yes, you do. And there's a lot of Ghislaine Maxwell. I i don't mean his voice i just mean acting like him and

doing the things he gerb podcast jeffrey epstein really bad question that's a cooler name than a lot of our company's podcasts are you holding a mic that usually sticks off a computer that's the bob barker mic no no, it connects to the computer. I'm a professional. This is an audio podcast. I would like to treat it as opposed to what? Yeah, yeah. You're kicked back in a recliner right now.

A written podcast. A Braille podcast. A book. It's not a recliner. It's a very large chair, and I sit in this for probably 16 hours a day. Your shoulders are very high. Are you worried about hemorrhoids sitting for that long a day? You could develop a nasty blood poolage around your anus.

I feel like hemorrhoids are inevitable. They're going to come and go. Whoa. I get hemorrhoids often. Really? No joke. Because you camp out on the toilet. I do.

I get comfy. You fell asleep on it last week. I did. You had to come No joke. Because you camp out on the toilet. I do. I get comfy. You fell asleep on it last week. I did. You had to come get me. Carry you home and tuck you in. Is this going to go before the best of podcast or in the middle or at the end? Why don't you decide?

Yeah. Let's cut to a clip right now. Yeah. All right. So, hmm. What was some of my greatest hits? I think we're just going to cut to the clip. I think we already cut to the clip.

Oh. You did that funny voice. No, let's cut to the clip now. Let's go. Yeah. Wait. Now. I like not having my phone on.

Jesus. Yes. It's like a one-hour break during the day where it's like nothing exists. You're impermeable. Brandon and a smooching. A hulking boyfriend. And a smooching wrestler. Who will be here on Tuesday. And I'm.

Now I'm nervous about the first kiss. Dude imagine SummerSlam. When you get fucking lowered from the rafters. By a swing like you're Evelyn Nesbitt. And fucking hang upside down. And kiss like it's goddamn Spider-Man. Oh, the Spider-Man kiss. You always talk about how you want to be reincarnated

as Kirsten Dunst. I've always said that. That'd be so hot. How hot that shit would be. You're swinging, kissing, and then you fucking drop down into a figure four body wrap leg lock, fucking hugging him with your legs. He's seven foot tall. You're wrapped around him like a little baby.

You sound like you're going a little far. This sounds almost. Let him go. Let him go. Let him go. Let him go. Let me out of my phone for a little bit. I fucking get Randy.

Let him go. Anyway, you're humping him dry. Randy Bilzerian. Old Danny Bilzerian. Randy's his son. Randy's his son. His virgin son. God, his house.

He actually had a son when he was nine years old. His house was so cool. Yeah, you went there. Interviewed him. Didn't run the interview. Saw saw the interview who's the most sexual wrestler right now edge yeah he's 47 now so i don't think he's as sexual as he was john cena there's a picture of him with a boner there's a guy on the independent circuit who's been canceled but his most powerful body part is in fact his penis.

Who's that? What were you going to say about Cena neck? You were giggling. He spends too much time with kids. He's too busy making wishes. I like Cena. I like Cena too. You got a problem with his making wishes? I think you can do too many.

Yeah, he's done too many. Yes, that's true. Tebow has gotten to that level. Cheap in the wishes he's done? Yeah. Right. Like a genie comes up to you and is like, here, you have 100 wishes? What? Imagine you're in a ward with another boy and you just got Cena and you want to brag. He's like, I had Cena last week.

Yeah. Oh, Cena? Hey, John. John A., what's up? The whole hallway got Cena. Cena. John A. What's up? The whole hallway got seen. It's been done. Yeah. Whole town over got hit by a tornado last year. Cena became the mayor.

All right. He's like, he walked door to door, smooching everyone. He ran through saying, oh, nevermind. So you're saying,

you're saying that he should, he should say more. He should say no to more kids with cancer? I don't think they ask. Oh, he asks that. To the point where they don't even care. He just sees a kid who doesn't look strong and he's like, are you terminal? I think John Cena's sick and his wish is to. Yeah.

That's his great make a wish. His whole life is a make a wish of doingish of doing make-a-wishes. He can't have that wish come true? He has the record by thousands. You don't think The Rock and Tebow, I feel like they have a pretty big... I think it's proven that Cena has

absolutely... Kids don't even know Tebow. It's like speed dating for Cena. Cena just camps outside of the urologist every time a guy comes out with a lump on hiso. It's like speed dating for Xena. Xena just camps outside of the urologist. Every time a guy comes out with a lump on his nut, he's like, hey. Final rights? Nose a little sore? Let me help you.

He's diagnosing people. Yeah, feel a little dizzy? Could be a tumor. He's an ambulance chasing Make-A-Wish Foundation guy. Make that wish before you actually get diagnosed. He has a heat map or cancer. Yeah, he's going to towns in West Virginia that are next to weird, shady plants. Cena may just be radioactive himself, giving people tumors.

He's going to Chernobyl. Imagine if he was wrestling out of Chernobyl, Russia. He'd be in his glory. Cena loves cancer. He does. He's the most pro-cancer guy I know. He's a super spreader of cancer. We should actually get Cena

to make a wish with Steven. We could get him. They both tread water. Yeah. Oh, speaking of wish, we need Steven to tread water soon. Yeah. Fuck. On a stream or something like that? I mean, if he's not it's gonna have to be deeper than I knew it I fucking knew it can you get us the horn

sorry I liked it Tell me when you have the horn We're gonna have to get Stephen Chay on a stream or something You have to wait till he says it Yeah that was perfect Hey Brandon say something

We're gonna have to End of a balloon Hey, Brandon, say something. We're going to have to... End of a balloon. We do have to get Steven to do that, though. In a pool or in his backyard? Where could we film it? Does he have a pool? I don't think so, but we should maybe build one.

Let's get him an above-ground pool. Let's get him a pool? I don't think so, but we should maybe build one. Let's get him an above ground pool. Let's get him a pool. The only thing that lowers property value of a house. Steven. We should start a GoFundMe for him to open up a pool so he can fight against cancer. All the money goes to the pool. We'll be starting a GoFundMe.

Alright, so I am wearing the full get up. I like it. It to the pool. We'll be starting to go find me. All right. So I am wearing the full get up. I'm wearing the full get up. I like it. It's the excitement. Yeah. Now, you're doing it because of college football show today. Right. I would have preferred Friday just because that's when I'm going to be excited, but I get it.

You think I'm not going to do it Friday? Oh, you'll do it Friday. I have a secondary outfit for Friday. Same maroon? Same maroon. Well, I don't know if it'll be fully maroon. I've got some. Oh. Get out of my face then. I might black out Friday. Same maroon? Same maroon. Well, I don't know if it'll be fully maroon. I've got some... Oh.

Get out of my face then. I might black out Friday. Mississippi State black out. You gonna drink that much? No. Let's go. That was a dad joke for me. No, don't say it yourself. I mean, it was. That does take the steam out of people

being on your phone. You're not allowed to horn it. You think you're a dad motherfucker? Yeah. Oh, motherfucker. That was safe. Motherfucker? No, we need someone who's very

scrupulous about this. Because that motherfucker one deserved it. I think he's not aggressive enough on the horn. We need more horn in this show. We need more horn. this show We need more horn On bad jokes only But more horn Noted

Noted Noted No one wants to get horned We just have to let it fly though Just have it ready You want to practice a little bit? Should we practice a little bit? Yeah sure

Do a Brandon Walker bad joke. KB, can you write one for me? Yeah. Brandon, you look... Dan, you look like you're getting fatter, but your face looks younger. You're like Benjamin Glutton. Oh!

We need to horn the producers. This is bullshit. We have to have a horn off. All these horn things. You haven't gotten one horny joke yet. I was preparing for it. I had one more. I was going to run one more bass there.

Joe Horn. I met Joe Horn once. You know what he said base there. Joe Horn. I met Joe Horn once. You know what he said? You know what he said? Suck a cock. I know. I met Joe Horn. I met Joe Horn.

Joe Horn. Joe Horn's son was committing to a college. And we at SEC Country were trying to get this thing where we do all the videos for him. You know, all the hype videos for the recruiters. It was your old job. At SEC Country back in 2017. And his son was committed. Faster, faster, faster.

Committed to Tennessee. More animated. Committed to Tennessee. And he came in and he was going to do it. And the whole family was with him. And, faster. Committed to Tennessee. More animated. Committed to Tennessee and he came in and he was going to do it and the whole family was with him and they were going to do a shot and I walked in and I was like, hey Joe Horn, listen, big time fan, you played the Saints. You also played at ICC which is where my wife worked and I was like, hey

Joe Horn, awesome to meet you. And we talked we talked, we talked and I left the room and he said, what's the deal with that Game of Thrones looking dude? He thought you were Hodor. That's what he said, what's the deal with that Game of Thrones looking dude? Brianna Tarr. He thought you were Hodor. That's what he said. He said the Game of Thrones looking dude. And I walked back in and everybody was laughing.

But you were a journalist. I was a journalist. And you fanboyed. I was never a very good journalist about not fanboying. I fanboyed a lot. I embarrassed myself quite frequently. Damn. He burned you but joe horn and madden 2002 was was awesome with aaron brooks and he had that curvy route it was

one of my favorites so have you ever gotten over that and don't they stall really before all the dante stalwart that joe horn call in deuce mcallister was a good the good saints team kyle turley he had a wide neck turley I think most offensive linemen have stumps for necks. Yeah. Some are fatter than others, though. I guess some tackles might have a crane neck. Kyle Brady. Tight end for the Jets.

What if you had pulled out a cell phone when Joe Horn was there? Have you? What about that? Underneath his shoe, like found a quarter behind your ear. Todd Heap had a heck of a neck. Todd Helton. Todd Heap got hurt heck of a neck. Todd Helton. Todd Heap got hurt. Yeah.

All the time. Larry Walker, yeah. Uggy with their beanie. What's your favorite NFL guy? Oh, he was a drug lord. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't he light someone on fire?

Did he finish his career at the Phillies 05? I think he finished his career in jail. Like my dad. That's just a diss. It's a diss for having a felon dad that was good that was really good so joe horn call in dude you motherfucker you freaking you you freaking you freaking fricker don't just michael lewis the beer man the beer man yeah the beer delivery guy great punt returner on that game but i mean he mean, he was in the age of Dante Hall.

So it was like, you can't be the greatest punt returner when Dante Hall is. The human joystick, KB. The human joystick. Yeah, Lavernius Coles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got this. No, you're right. All right, Michael in Starkville, what's up?

Michael? Yeah, Brandon, what's up? Hey, man, how you doing? Do you remember my accent? I know you remember me. Oh, my God, yeah, I remember you. I met you and your mom in Jacksonville at the Gator Bowl. You're damn right, you're damn right.

And we're going to beat the shit out of those only shit rebels again this year, too. Yeah, you're damn right we are. Lane Kiffin was great on today's part of my take, Michael. You should listen. He's a great coach. What I'm saying is Lane Kiffin can kiss his ass. And I'll tell you something else. Hey, folks, Brad is a hell of a man.

He's a great guy, and he's from the best state in America. We're from Mississippi. Woo! Damn right! All right. I like that guy. I like that guy. He's a great guy and he's from the best state in America. We're from Mississippi. Alright. I like that guy. I like that guy. That's Michael. That's my buddy. I like Tim. Call in again. Damn it. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. This is actually the state bird of Mississippi. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, y'all.

I want to hear you guys do y'all's best southern y'all. That was a good one. We will do it. All right. Thank you, Michael. Hey, y'all. Y'all. Hey, y'all.

Hey, y'all. Y'all stop eating that. That's a good one. Hey, y'all. It's got to be. Do you think y'all. Y'all. Hey, y'all. Hey, y'all. Y'all, stop beating that. Hey, y'all. It's got to be. Do you think y'all has been appropriated? A little bit. A little bit, but not, I mean, it hasn't been taken from it. And, you know, we're not going to whine about appropriation.

We like you guys. No, when people from the DMV do it, it sucks. I also don't like seeing it on Twitter. Y'all. I think it looks lame on Twitter. I prefer Yinz. Yep. We're Yinzers. Where are Yinzers?

Hey, y'all. It's almost like you don't say the L's. It's Y-A-W, y'all. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. You know who hasn't called in a while? The truck driver, Lynn from Mississippi.

Miss him. No, no, no. no, no, no. You gotta use the fucking horn. He's used after jokes. He hasn't called in. He's probably dead. That's better. You're right. That's good, right?

Left behind a family, three kids. Yeah. What if we find out? One of his daughters was pregnant. He was about to be a grandfather. That's the bad joke and tragedy horn. That's good. That's really good.

We need to have a budget. I need a compilation video of failed tragedy jokes. Yeah. Because those are like the real risk reward ones. Everyone thinks they're Anthony Jeselnik after 9-11. Like edgelords. Yeah, that's risky.

There was a moment in time where I want to say Nate tried to dabble in it. He likes that type of stuff. I respected the courage it took. But you have to reallyble in it he likes that type of stuff i respected i do too courage it took but you know you have to really be about it though yeah like i'm a tragedy like 30 years ago you need you need full confidence you can't like even have a incy bit of reluctance right deliver that right you keep like oh here's this tragedy joke just kidding that doesn't work you can't try to soften the blow afterwards you can't say oh no no no

yeah I'm just kidding she would be missed you can't preface that with like you know what never mind give us your best tragedy joke oh I don't know because mine will get clipped everybody can do all the jokes.

I don't. Well, time plus tragedy equals comedy. So just go back to. The Holocaust. Do a Holocaust joke. Do a perfect wheelhouse. Try a Holocaust joke. The Holocaust sounded terrible.

What's the most recent horrific tragedy that is finally fair game due to time? Are people poking around? I've seen some challenger jokes. Oh. I hit a Marshall one today. Not for me. That was 1970. That's a 50 year old joke.

What about that hurricane? I hope I get cancelled for making a Pompeii joke. Too soon, dude. There are people on Twitter who actively would do that. You know, thousands of people died during Pompeii. That guy died jerking off. Yeah, shitting. Now let's talk about it in post.

Yeah. Well, you got to bring us back out of the clip. We're already out of it. We're already in it. Is there a post clip right now? Let's do VOs of what we said. Let to bring us back out of the clip. We're already out of it. We're already in post. We're post-clip right now. Let's do VOs of what we said. Let Rowan bring us out of the clip, guys. Okay, so we're out of the clip right now.

You got to laugh. Fuck. Shouldn't Rowan have taken us into the clip? No, he did. I was delegating. That's being a good leader. You delegate to people and you let them spread their wings. So that was KB.

And KB, bring us back in from the clip. Take us out? No. Bring us back in. Bring us back. Just give us a little feedback. That was funny. That was mad funny. Some of our best shit. Some of our best stuff.

And so that's another thing we're going to have to determine. How many clips are we going to have every week? 14. 14? So we need bumps and buffers for 14 clips? Well, I anchored the negotiation. We could do less. Is it our funniest stuff or when we get pressed or what? Oh.

We don't get pressed on this show. This is a press-free show. You press that joke in. No, well, there's freedom of the press. Yeah, we're allowed to do it. Yeah, we're freedom of the press right now. We're allowed to press whomever. But are we also going to be bringing on people from the rest of the office?

No. How about that? I would despise that. Certainly not a producer. What if we had a payola scheme, though, where people had to pay to get onto this? I mean, I did have to. I paid you $200. Uh-huh.

Every day. Yeah, but we saw no Roy on that. There's no Roy on that. Still waiting for the Roy. Roy. Roy. Roy. Steve, how we saw no Roy on that. There's no Roy on that. Still waiting for the Roy. Roy, Steve, how do we say that? Roy, it's an investing term. Royalties? No.

Return on investment? Return on investment. ROI. At what point in the calendar year do you start doing your taxes? Soon as you get them. After NFL playoffs. So that's like mid-February a little two-month jump god you're so yeah no i like to do it early what's the most irresponsible thing you've ever done

steven sitting in that chair for 14 hours sometimes if i go to my local uh uh sushi restaurants pick up uh take out i'll park like right in front. Only for like a minute. Like not. Oh no. You bad boy. With the blinkers on or what you savage. Stephen Che there's a warrant for your arrest. I will put the hazards on. I mean it's like right out front.

It's just. How long will you be in there? Like under two minutes. So it's pretty safe. How is it zoned? Is it no standing? Yeah, no, it says no parking. Oh, what? Straight up no parking? Yeah, like bold yellow letters.

Do you put on the blinkers? Yes, the hazard. Is this during prime business hours or late at night when nobody else would be coming through? So depending on what you think of this, I eat dinner pretty early. I like to get dinner like five no are you serious i don't believe you why yes i mean it's the best time to eat you get

you're full you're you know 6 15 6 30 you have the whole night ahead of you you don't worry about dinner it's great i worry i often spend most of my nights worrying about dinner what if you grow hunger again yeah don't you ever get hungry like 10 30 you feel the late pangs of hunger well i I often spend most of my nights worrying about dinner. What if you grow hungry again? Yeah, don't you ever get hungry at like 10.30? What if you feel the late pangs of hunger? Well, I figure he's in bed by 9 o'clock. No. I've been staying up real late.

Like, quarantine's messed me up. Like, I've been up past midnight, past few nights. What? You're fucking nuts. What did you say? Do you have a midnight snack? No, I don't really eat past like 8 or so. Unless it's like a little treat. Oh! What kind you say? Do you have a midnight snack? No, I don't really eat past like eight or so. Unless it's like a little treat.

Oh. What kind of treat? Go ahead. A Mounds bar? Give us a treat. No, just like a couple chocolate chips or something like that. Oh. Damn.

But I've learned to navigate my house complete darkness. Like no lights anywhere. Just echolocation? You know, we train for it too jesus you're like a navy seal man yell out pretty much yeah zero vibration zero dark 30 you could you could double tap osama right now if he was living in your house if he was living in my house yes you can snipe osama you know your house better than osama bin laden does yeah i know i'm usually like no socks

so I can feel like wood or carpet and I know how many steps there are. Feel the grain of the wood. You just raw dog your floors? Yeah, because it gets kind of slippery with socks. I'm not trying to. That's a recipe for disaster. And Osama probably wouldn't make that. He would make that mistake.

He would know. He loves socks. He was a big socks guy. Wool, he loves socks. Yeah, he was a big, big socks guy. Wool socks. Damn, how'd Che die? Wanted to go get a chocolate chip with a pair of socks on. Osama killed him. I knew this. Osama bin Laden jumped out and got him.

Finished the job. Killed him. Oh, shit. KB, take us into another clip. All right, let's just get right after it and dive straight into this. Roan is Banksy of writing the word Roan. It means something. Sometimes it means you

are one. Sometimes it means you are owned. There's just like several different deep meanings. How excited were you the day you discovered you could take Roan and say R1? Someone said it to me in a rap battle first. Oh, I was given to you.

I was today days old. Yeah, when you realize Roan is R1. I'm embarrassed. That doesn't mean anything. I'm embarrassed. Like you are one. You are one. Yeah, just like your name. You're a real one. You are one. Yeah, just like your name.

You're a real one. You are one. Yeah. You're a real one. Calling someone a real one is highest of high compliments. I don't think I can do that. You can't. Try it.

You can say it. I'm 41. I can't say real one. Well, you said I fuck with you to Jack Mack. Yeah, Brandon said that. Everybody, I said it on the text. Oh, yeah. I fuck with you.

You call a fly with me? Listen, everybody that read it said, oh, he can't say I fuck with you. I wasn't saying it like that. He said, I fuck with you. I mess with you. Right, right. Jack back, I fuck with you. That's what I was saying.

I was using the verb a little bit differently than people thought I was using it. Did people actually give you shit for that? Yeah, they said, you're 41. You can't talk like that. Well-deserved. Yeah, next time you got to be like, I fucks with you. If you act. That really gets it going. I was like, I mess with you i pick on you i do these things i fucks with

you how many times do we have to go over this i fucks with you we're slimes shit that's very funny you can deem who's real or fake give us some real ones give us a real one five real five fake no give us one real one ron r1 he's i'm a real one that's true thank you thank you okay i got fake fake fake yeah who's you think those three guys are fake no they look real as hell real as fuck are we with those guys who do you fade on site they look like allegheny county carpenters they do yeah they look like the union protest is coming inside. That's exactly right.

We're letting the union guys piss inside. I don't like that that union has switched tactics to where now they're not coming every day. But when they do come, it's a huge deal. They have security and everything. Right. Yeah. They used to just have the rat outside and whatever. Now they will go silent for two weeks and show back up with their army. Should we go

put flowers in their guns? Give them a Pepsi? You know what? Let's get Kendall Jenner down here and solve all of this. I just don't know what any of that means. You fucks with it. I'm trying to fucks with it. Brandon, anybody else would pretend to know.

That's what makes you real as fuck. Yeah, you are a real one for that, bro. I'm wrong. Oh, God, man. You made it sound like you're a pro. I know. Do you guys want me to give you the clips? Oh, that would help.

Yeah, that might help. Okay. Stephen Che calls into the yak. No, nothing with me. Why don't you text it to us? Okay, I'll text it to all of you right now. Individually, though. So those are the things that I have clipped.

If you'd like to add or subtract, happy to do so. This is just an ad for the boy award. I think we just keep going with what we got then. Did Monday's show stink? It wasn't our best. Oh, wow. I fell Monday just keep going with what we got then. Did Monday's show stink? Wasn't our best. Oh, wow. I fell Monday. You weren't there? No. You thought it was good, Brandon? Oh, Monday

was when I was all up in my feelings, so no, probably wasn't it for me. That was Tuesday and Wednesday too. Are we still running this? Let's just keep this in. Are we out of the clip? Yeah, we're out of the clip. As soon as we left, that was our leaving the clip. This has all been live conversation since then. We're just doing it all live.

So Brandon was in a tizzy on Monday. Tuesday, Wednesday happened. Well, it wasn't my fault because Big Cat wasn't even here. I wasn't here to console him. I thought that you were going to pick up your brother when he wasn't there. I thought that you were going to double the load. I needed you to pick me up. Fuck.

Well, that's what I'm doing today. you to pick me up. Fuck. Well, that's what I'm doing today. We're picking you up. Tuesday was also, was it whack KB? Was it trash? Yo, what was Tuesday?

We had mad heads on the show. Tuesday I was in for half. Evan's scholarship. Yeah. Oh yeah, that was a good one. Uh huh. Um,

the origin of R1. R1. R1. I didn't think that was that great. No, that wasn't. And that was also like five seconds. This was a bad week to do this. Yeah, it was a terrible week.

We're not funny. The tooth necklaces. No, I didn't do that. That was a lie for the radio. It was a funny conversation. We did the making out with Ben Bishop. Okay. We should just run back Wednesday's show.

Yeah, run back Wednesday. And the stuff about Brendan kissing Ben Bishop. We should just run back Wednesday's show. Yeah, run back Wednesday. And the stuff about Brendan kissing Ben Bishop. All the phones are in the center of the table. Wait, there's four phones. Now there is a fifth. There's a fifth. That just gave me a rush to my brain.

Almost like I was just freed like the genie in Aladdin when his cuffs are popped off at the very end. Holy shit, what a rush. Also, this isn't a thing, right? This isn't a weekly thing. This is from now on. This is forever. Yeah.

This is a lock-in thing. We got to lock in. Yeah, it should be. Genie in a bottle. Do it. I'm not saying that. Say it. Play it.

Say it. Play Genie in a bottle. Say it. I'm not going to say it. Play Genie in a bottle. Christina Aguilera. That song's about playing with her pussy. There was a moment there where Christina dropped this and she's like, I'm going to get Britney with this.

And then Britney started fucking a snake. Yeah, she did fuck around with that snake. And we're like, oh, okay, well, that's over. Who else? Who else? Christina was hotter. Greatest number two. Better singer.

I would argue that. Fucked better. She fucked so much better. And she was from North Allegheny High School. Michael Jackson and Prince was the greatest one-two battle of all time. No, it wasn't because Prince could, at the end of the day, you look back, especially if you didn't watch the battle happen, and Michael Jackson is head and shoulders above Prince. Oh. Oh, I disagree.

I think it's the greatest one-two battle of all time. I agree. Head and shoulders. Head and shoulders. And more. And nipples. And armpits. If you were voting, if this is end of the year, national title vote, how many votes?

There's 500 voters. How many votes does Michael Jackson get? How many votes does Prince get? 437 for Michael Jackson. That's so off. I think now, Prince would get more votes now than he would have gotten back then. Because of the diddling? Yeah.

Oh, that didn't bother people. Michael Jackson songs. Did it bother you? Of course. knowledge. That didn't bother people. Michael Jackson songs. Did it bother you? Of course. I knew about Joe Pond before anybody. I knew before Joe Pond. Roan knows. Get it trending.

I knew. Roan knew. Wait, no, that's not the connotation. It's all you. Fuck, fuck, fuck. But it bothers me. But even in retrospect, Michael Jackson just is the bigger star. He's the king of pop.

Better music? I don't even think that that's what we're talking about. But that gets you at least a few more votes. How about his fucking kids? They're both crazy. Wait, wait, how do you mean that? His fucking kids? Yeah, good catch, dude.

I did that on purpose. His children. Paris? They're both... No, not the woman. They're both named Prince. Like, that's both in their name. Wait, Michael Jackson's kids are both named Prince?

They're both named Prince. So then Prince won! Prince definitely won. And then there's Blanket Prince Jackson. He named his children Prince! And Blanket switched to BG because he got bullied too hard. I would say so. He's the king of pop. He's the prince of pop.

And he let bullying get to him. So we're saying that Michael Jackson is... No, he's not the prince of pop. Yeah, he's the king of pop's son. I thought Michael Jackson was the prince of pop. No, he was the king of pop. He's the king of pop. He's the prince of pop.

Is he the first born? He's the second born. No, he's not the prince of pop. No, he is. But he's a prince of pop. There could be two princes. Have you ever heard of the spin doctors? Yeah, but the other one doesn't matter. He's a Prince of Pop. There could be two Princes. Have you ever heard of the Spin Doctors? Yeah, but the other one doesn't matter.

The other one... Prince Harry? He's Prince Harry. He's a Prince, though. He's Prince Harry. Prince Harry's the more popular Prince. Because he divorced the... Is he a Prince now?

No, I don't think so. I think he's out. He's just Harry? Yeah, I think so. He gave his Princeton up for a bullshit reason so his uncle's a pedophile yeah so what that would be like us leaving a radio show

if one of the co-hosts was a pedophile oh wow put it in your bio but what am I co-host? he just called you a co-host I just have all the yak on my bio he just called you a co-host you just, I just have on the yak on my bike. You know, he just called you a co-host. I'll do it later.

You just got a co-host promotion. Got promoted. Thank you. I didn't know I had that. If I were a pedophile. Oh, God. Demotion. I love pet bios.

It's like father. Father to two rambunctious boys. Yeah. Lover of all things salty. Shut up. Expert in sarc salty. Yeah, shut up. Expert in sarcasm. Enthusiast. Anytime someone's an enthusiast, it drives me fucking nuts.

The funnier they try to get, it's the lamer. Dog mom. Pizza lover. And the more self-deprecating. What's the lamest thing you could put in? Sucker for all things salty. Dog mom is pretty good. Fluent in sarcasm. Like after you talk about your beautiful children.

Just like, oh, so your kids are ugly. You said it there. Or they'll put in like one random, like, finished runner-up sixth grade spelling game. Yeah, that's the worst. Yeah, dude. Ha ha ha, that's so cool. Like the clever people, like they say that they're 2006 time person of the year.

Yeah. I just imagine they lean back in their chair and just scratch their chin. It's like, that'll do it. That's good. Or three time. All in a day's work. But then there's like one out of like, so if there's a thousand people who do that and think like, I got it.

One of those people, like their parents at their bar mitzvah when they were 13 gave them like a picture that said time person of the year with the mirror yeah and they actually were like I am yes that's me you've been saying it since since then yeah every class clown in high school now has like

once the world's youngest person in their bio former baby former child just tell me how you identify was once the world's youngest person in their bio. Ah, yeah. Former baby. Former child. Just tell me how you identify, and let's keep it moving. Just give me a he, him, or a she, her. Give me those pronouns. Give me the pronouns, and let's keep it pushing.

Brandon, what are your pronouns? Whatever the world deems they should be, I guess. Let's survey them z zim what's z zim is that a thing yeah oh yeah i probably should have sat this part of the conversation now no you're good you bigot good dude brandon's defense against bigotry is that he doesn't know what a pronoun is uh In my defense, I know no parts of speech. Those fancy things at a restaurant. I want to check our bios,

but our phones are in the center of the table. What a twist of fate. Damn. It's nice, though. I still feel like my brain can go any direction like it's a queen in chess no that's is a queen yeah yeah a powerful rooks a rook rooks are i like wait no a rook's the castle yeah rooks are the castle why don't they just call it a castle because castling is another move in chess all right so the horse goes two up and one over, right?

Uh-huh. Is that your favorite? Your balls on top of someone's head? And what goes diagonal? Is that the knight? That's a bishop. That's a bishop. KB?

Kind of like our wrestler. Big trouble, Ben Bishop. The bishop is what his name is. Okay, announcement since I work for Roan Cat Management. Correct. Big trouble, Ben Bishop. Is in Big Trouble? Because that would be hilarious. Big Trouble Ben Bishop robbed the bank,

and he's in Big Trouble. Seven feet of we'll mess you up. Nick, we have a better one. Big Trouble Bishop Bransfield. Oh, that's our wheeling diocese. He used to be the Philly Bishop until he got a little handsy, so they sent him off to West Virginia. We actually...

Pinch in peace. Brandon, I'm happy you brought up Bishop, your wrestler. Yes. Big trouble, Ben Bishop. We call him Bishop because before you get there, I wanted to let you know Roan Cat Management, Roan and I have made a move. We have hired

two creative directors for the management company. No. That's Nick and KB. Yes. They're creative. RoanCat, I actually need your help. Big trouble, Ben Bishop. Go ahead, Nick. I need a discount on a haircut today. I have not made an appointment

and I was wondering if you guys could get me a haircut. Yes. Of course. Yes. We'll be here. We'll be here. When? Tuesday. In this office. In this office. Coming to have a meeting with me, of course. Yes. We'll be here. We'll be here. When? Tuesday. In this office? In this office. Coming to have a meeting with me, his manager. And us, his management company.

He will meet the entire team. Yeah, we'll have to sit in. So Nick and KB are creative directors. Just so you know, Big Trouble Ben Bishop, which I think we decided is going to be called Bishop. No, it's Big Trouble Ben Bishop. That's his name. We have to discuss that. Yeah, we've gone through many iterations of storylines for Bishop.

But I think the strongest one, if I remember correctly, is the one where Bishop is a phenomenal wrestler. Incredible. Beats the crap out of every opponent. But then during each match, at some point, it could be two minutes in, it could be 20 minutes in, he catches the eyes of one handsome, tall, lummoxed Brandon Walker, and then they immediately

start kissing. Yeah. And that causes him to lose. And he loses because he can't stop kissing Brandon Walker. But it's not a big tonguey kiss. It's lots of pecks

all over the face. And you're just... Like a machine gun. you're seeing a dog for the first time. Every time they actually, the other part of Bishop is he, his obsession is, he's got two obsessions in life, kissing Brandon Walker and Guinness Book of World Records.

And so he's trying to bring those together by breaking the record for most kisses in a wrestling ring. He kisses like an anteater and he he's just sucking up your face. He's fucking on it. And we'll have a Guinness Book of World Record keeper on hand at every match. Will it be the time? That's probably a good idea. If they break the kissing record.

I think you need a love triangle, though, just not Brandon and Ben. The Guinness Book of World Records guy also comes in, starts just fondling both of their pants over the pants. I was going to volunteer to be another kisser. Oh, wow. Love squares. I'm not a pecker. They call me Lil' Hicky Nicky, and I'm just sucking on Brandon's neck

like one of those fish on the bottom of a great white. Is my phone ringing? No, not yours. Somebody's catching the call. The phone phone ringing? No, not yours. Catch the call. The phone. Oh, that's probably somebody. The phone in the gold case. What are you going to do?

What am I going to do? I'm going to sit and watch it, baby. I'm getting texts left and right. You had a trademark in high school. Oh, yeah, I see Pokey. Your hickey was virtually just your signature. Because it was so unique. My hickey was my signature.

It was the shape of an hourglass. Because you would shape your mouth like a fish. That is a common misconception. I'm a Gentile, but I could leave a perfect star of David Hickey on a nap. That was your thing. That was your trick. That's so dope. You didn't learn that

until sophomore year of college when you were fucking with the high schoolers. Yeah, that's right. So you're in, Brandon? No, we have a creative meeting to determine but how funny no one's done it in wrestling before i feel like it's probably been done no billy and chuck billy someone who literally can't win a match because all he wants to do is peck so brandon walker Diamond Dallas Page. You just said a wrestler. That's all you did. Yep. Oh yeah, he did.

He didn't kiss. He's the greatest wrestler ever. He banged. And who did? All of these guys are fucking, why don't you turn the game on its head? KB and I have actually been discussing the next move with Ben. It's big trouble Ben Bishop. Not anymore.

You're the creative director. That's right. KB and I, we want to give him a disease to where people want to avoid him. Psoriasis. We were thinking leprosy. Okay, nice. So now he is a leper. Are we dropping the making out thing? No, no, that's the thing.

A handsy leper? That's the most dangerous man. Makes me love him more. Can't stop touching you. It's a forbidden romance. Do lepers still exist? Yes. And that's how they find out that there's a love triangle.

Because another person, the Guinness Book of World Records guy, comes up with leprosy. Mr. Record Man, where'd you get that lesion? Yeah. Have you been kissing Benjamin? Mr. Record Man. It would be like Philadelphia. And then a couple days later, Nick has lesions too. Nick's lesions are just...

You just find out they're hickeys. Yeah. It's a rhombus of... It's a love rhombus. You would give three-dimensional hickeys. I could do that. That would actually be incredible too, because then you have other wrestlers who, you know,

like Miss Elizabeth, they come in with their lady, and then mid-match, the lady starts scratching, like, has leprosy, where has Bishop been? Oh, goodness. He's been kissing everyone. He's been smooching everyone. What if I'm the one that's spreading the leprosy? Brandon Walker's been smooching everyone. We're on to something.

This has legs. Yeah. The smoochers. The smooch brothers. I wonder if leprosy is already a problem on the independent wrestling scene. Dude, and then we could sell leper print t-shirts and shit. Head to toe leper print. I love it.

I'm thinking smoochers, maybe the smoochers and we capitalize moochers. And you also are just asking people for like, hey, can I get a bite of that? That does sound like something. And then you also spread leprosy there too hey you're gonna kiss that okay but you didn't originally want leprosy what was the disease you wanted him to have ben yeah um benjamin big trouble with ben bishop uh benji his name's Benji. I forget what it was. An evolved form of the pox. Okay, yeah. Not necessarily small in size. A couple of pox. A couple of gigantic. That's it.

And even grosser. One big pox. Just one big pox. One singular pox. One single large pox. One pox. Two pox. Two pox.

Just some fucking bowling balls on each shoulder. Or just a cross that just comes up in thug life on his stomach I think this works the size of a saucer this is what you've hired Brandon the creative team I didn't hire you bought me out

and then you hired them by the way you still owe me more than half of my Chick-fil-A payment what happened on Friday oh correct we are even more than half of my Chick-fil-A payment. What happened on Friday? Oh, correct. We are even. People don't talk about that. You were having a tough day and you actually texted me

what are we getting for lunch? I said I'm not in but I will get lunch. You did. Gallon of sweet tea as well. Which is still in there. I just remembered it. Yeah. Drink some sweet tea, Brandon. I can have that for the college football show.

People don't talk about that. Instead, you just, you know. Well, I did mention it on the show. I told everybody that you bought the lunch. You forgot, and then you've tried to claim that I'm not the manager of Brandon Walker slash Benjamin. Big trouble, Ben Bishop. That's a work in progress.

The Smoochers. The Smooch Brothers. That's cool. The Smoochers that that kind of place the smoochers and you just come out and you just kiss everyone in the crowd smooch boys you just can't stop kissing kiss we go kisses across america it starts a revolution you get a guy in a full nelson and then benjamin comes over and just kisses him to death. That's also how he taps out. Kisses the ground.

Or what is the... Ouchie. Kiss me. Sixpence none the richer. Sixpence none the... Please play that fucking song. Beneath the milk of twilight. Let's play some Sixpence none the richer. You dropped us off at the drive and we just had to

stand outside. We stood together and watched a movie. You said he had to run an errand. Yeah. Is Twilight ever milky? I think Twilight could be milky. It would owe to the Milky Way. There's clouds in it. Is it about the Milky Way or are we talking about clouds?

A light dusting of cloud coverage. We had Neil deGrasse Tyson on PMT. He's coming up on Friday. We interviewed him yesterday. That's huge. That guy's brain, man. You went from Wayne Chiffin to Neil deGrasse Tyson in one day is coming up on Friday. We interviewed him yesterday. That's huge. That guy's brain, man. You went from Wayne Chiffin to Neil deGrasse Tyson in one day? Geniuses.

It was genius day. The men we respect. What else did we talk about on Wednesday? We did the Sad Horn. Wednesday's show was phenomenal. Oh, yeah. Let's just do Wednesday's show. Oh, we talked about relief carving of penises on Tuesday.

Oh, that was good. Tuesday was good, too. Yeah, we did the- Wait, we did the sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpt good. No, Tuesday was good, too. Yeah, we did some good shit. Wait, we did a sculpting. The sculpting. The sculpting. Penises. Steven.

Sculptures. You gotta get the sculpture penises. The manger hack. Okay. Okay. So then there's a disconnect between senses. Well, let's go to that clip right now. Well, I mean, do we want to preface it?

You just did? I did that. What kind of was the preface? Do you want to? Okay, Nick, how about a little further prefacing? No, because I don't preface. That was kind of my preface right there. You're to... Okay, Nick, how about a little further prefacing? No, because I don't... I don't preface. That was kind of my preface right there.

You're a preface, sir. Let's get to that clip. No, sir. Ron, send us into the motherfucking clip. Let's go into the motherfucking clip. Let's get it. But I don't know. I think that back in the dainty cute penis days,

it was like big jack guys with dainty... Like David. Like the statue David. I bet you David had a hog. I bet you it was the sculptors guys with dainty, like David, like the statue David. I bet you David had a hog. I bet you it was the sculptors who had tiny penises and they were just like, you know what? Let's love him like this guy. No, it's just like sculptors were notoriously micropenile.

Or that was like their Instagram filter of the time. Like you just would sculpt it down to like a manageable penis size. What is this monster cock? Tr sculpt it down to like a manageable penis size. What is this monster cock? Trim it down. There was probably a century where his penis was just down to his knee and like everyone was just getting furious. There were riots in the streets outside the statue. Imagine you finally get an immaculate statue sculpted of you. It takes months and it has a micro penis and you're like just be like this

will be this will last long after my death you're indelible now David killed lions and Goliath yet what is he known for is yeah is that the same David yes oh my god He was in the fucking lion's den, and we only remember him for fucking being hung like a pinky toe. Oh, man. What a guy. Poor guy. I had no idea that it was the same David. So I thought it was based on someone. I didn't know that Michelangelo was just fetishizing biblical creatures.

Oh, yeah. Where's his nudie statue of Joseph? Really a creature. The father of God. Figures, I should have said. He's a creature. He's kind of a creature. The father of God. Figures, I should have said. He's a creature. He's kind of a creature. Yeah.

Yes, we all are. Whoa. Lazarus. Maybe we could get a statue of Lazarus's dick rising again. You know what I mean? That's the first thing that grows on. Kyle actually got in-school suspension for drawing a picture of Zacchaeus's dick. I did.

The tax collector. I did. Well, he was my hero growing up he was not only a short famous man but he climbed trees well and he was socially anxious that is true he wanted to get away from the crowd and money he loved money he was everything i was everything i wanted to be you are the modern day zakia did yeah I did sexualize him In our prayer book What a fucking pull dude I had completely forgotten about Zacchaeus' exploits

Fucking just climbing trees dude No bit Kyle and I talk about Zacchaeus a lot Yeah why why What is so Kyle likes Zacchaeus I just did Cause he was a tax collector I mean why were tax collectors even so hated

It's just part of the were they pocketing some of the money it's not like they were keeping the money they had to take the ship back to caesar uh oh but i thought jesus was also like yeah yeah so i don't i don't understand i i even think that they Didn't Zacchaeus Predate Jesus? No Zacchaeus climbed the tree To see Jesus Jesus

That was some new tea shit Yeah Oh shit Well we need to print The Zacchaeus teas Dude Team Team Portnoy

Or team Zacchaeus Pass your lot boy Which side are you on? Which side of history Are you going to be on? David or Zacchaeus? We should sculpt a statue of David. Put that in our... That should be like the Duncan Awards,

but you just get like a statue of David, just a small statue, naked-ass statue of David Portnoy. You put that out in the atmosphere, it's going to happen. Yeah, it'll happen. No, but I mean, who's sculpting? That's one thing that Barstool has no overlap with.

There's no sculptors that are Barstool fans. Imagine people back in the day leaking a sculpture of themselves. Like, a huge dick. It's going around. How did this get out they're just like passing it around

from person to person drop it oops oh shit I didn't know I didn't want this to get out on it my daughter actually

took this this sculpting of me accidentally she posted this sculpting of me somebody hacked into my My manger Fuck it fell out of my pocket

The tunic Ten feet tall monument I dropped With a fucking In front of everyone. How embarrassing is this? My penis is so big on that statue. It's bare.

It's fucking crude. I wasn't even done with it yet. I think that women were just gathering around to see that statue. Do you think that, obviously, old paintings, dudes are just horny as hell painting naked women.

Do you think that women are just going out in public to just appreciate a statue penis? They had to be. We were just inherently attracted to porn. True. That's what that is. Women didn't get treated by the sculptors very well either. They were quite dumping back then. They all looked very ugly. I'd be

the first to say. That old fertility statue where the woman is shaped like a butt plug. The worst body. Terrible faces. Yes, the odalisque pose. And they also had the belly is always sculpted in

of a fatted hog. But that had to be like some sexy shit like how, how like since Sir Mix-a-Lot came out with his famed tune We're All Just Obsessed With Asses, there had to be some

fucking sick poet who fucking wrote some sweet shit about the belly who just crafted up a fucking beautiful ode to the pot belly and people were just

going nuts about it. The Cardi B of the day just fucking people were going ape shit about a fat belly. Big ass belly. It's probably true. What about like cupids peeing into a pond though? Was that equally sexualizing? Like there's a

fucking statues of basically little children. That had to be some Nero shit. There were dicks everywhere. There were dicks everywhere back then. And they weren't afraid to sculpt a child's penis. It's disgusting. A constantly urinating child's penis. Never hydrating.

That's the real miracle. Sculpting takes a while. So you have to think, how long did they spend on the penis alone? And think about that whatever week, day. Because you can't go back to the drawing board. What did you do today? You just spent the entire day sculpting a penis. I bet you they started with a normal-sized penis.

They just kept on fucking it up. And they just had to make it smaller and smaller. It's the most hard thing to get right. He always saves the penis for last. I did the left testicle today. You're carving a penis next to your buddy. You're just like, Monday's right. Yeah.

Not even that. Yeah, I did the epididymis today just the whole day it's epididymis day did sculptors have like groups of people like um like how shakespeare had people that wrote their works for them like were there lesser sculptors you think that worked on the penis or do you think that that was handed to the master sculptor to be like the his his specialty he's like definitely the master handled the handle the penis really it's like a ghost sculptor like how the when you sculpt fabric like a a really realistic fabric is the hardest thing to do. Like the sheen of the peen, like the fucking veins of the penis are like the most intricate and detailed thing for a sculptor to be able to work on. Fascinating. I'm glad we got to the bottom of sculpting. I feel like no one sculpts out of stone anymore.

No, sculpting feels like it's gone away a little bit. I feel like people sculpt out of metal or they'll use new fabrics. Is that sculpting though or is that like torching and welding and stuff? Do you sculpt metal? I think when you start with clay, right, and then you make a mold. Is that it? I don't know. Probably. You would know.

That's actually true. I think you start with clay and you make a mold and then do a pour into the mold. So you still sculpt. Well, you seem like you're just describing it exactly. But you're acting like you're not. Who knows? That sounds more like casting.

You're right. That sounds more like you're making a cast. You're just trying to cast something. You're right. That sounds more like you're making a cast. You're just trying to cast something. You're like a casting director. See that? That was funny. That was funny. Yeah, we need sound cues in here.

Are you going to do that, Steve? I will. I will. You're going to be adding sound cues? Oh, I got sound effects on deck. Yeah, I do. Transition sound effects. I don't know.

What's the transition sound effects? Yeah, give it to us. Ouch. Moms. Yeah, I do. What's the transition sound effect? Yeah, give it to us. Ouch. Mom! My hiney hurts. Here we go. Bucks win.

Transition sound effect. Couldn't hear it. We didn't hear it at all. Steven. What's on your fingers didn't put the microphone on. We didn't hear it at all. Steven. What's on your fingers? It's the microphone light. Oh. It's lighting up.

I thought it was like a catcher who would paint his nails for the signal. Yeah, it's a femboy. Sorry. It's a very basic transition. A trap. Make it with me. We're using a shh. All right, hold on, hold on, hold on. Everyone be quiet.

Ready? Make it. Make the noise. You want me to do it? Yeah, Make the noise. Yeah, make the noise. With your mouth. That's the noise now. I'm sold. That's our sound effect? That's the sound now. We don't want the computer

animatronic. Drum machines have no soul, Steven. We want the real shit that came out of your mouth. Maybe a different emotions. Yeah. Give us a happy shush. Whoa! Wow, method actor. We needed maybe a different emotions. Yeah. Give us a happy shush. Whoa. Wow.

Method actor. Now somebody just died. Yep. And how about you just found out that you were going to have your 401k audited by the company. Wait, I am. I am too. What the fuck? Why are they auditing your 401k? Can I ignore that? I don't know.

I already responded. I ignored it. KB, what's your monthly contribution to your 401k? I put the whatever in. That's actually very sound financial advice for everyone who's listening to that type of stuff. Just put in the whatever. Dude, just

be chill about it. Your savings, your retirement, just do whatever's chill. Like your savings, your retirement, just do whatever's chill. What are they even auditing? Some people aren't caved up. I'm caved up for sure. This is the most predictable audit of all time. The name of the company is Human Interest. It just sounds made up.

Wait, so should I respond to it, Steven? Is it personalized or is it a blanket email? Yes, it's personalized. Rome and I both got audited. Yes, we're getting audited I didn't maybe you guys make too much money so what should we do rifting the yak

where should I be embezzling to Steven what's the best way for us guys to embezzle cash businesses tell us more things like that. Cleaners. Whoa. Sounds like you know a lot about this. Arcades.

Probably not especially post-pandemic. Those are going to have a tough time. Barcades are? Yeah. How's Golden Tee? Have you guys played yet? No. No. It's too expensive. I started to play today, but I figured I would get made fun of for being the first guy to play it. Yeah. Yeah. It's too expensive. I started to play today, but I figured I would get made fun of

for being the first guy to play it. Yeah. It's over there. A bunch of sweaty palms all over that ball. I just want it on the record. I will be judging anyone who's playing that during the work day. Certainly.

We had a whole meeting about how everyone's got to work harder and then we put a golden tee in there. There's definitely going to be some very not astute people who play like 18 holes in the middle of the day. It's like a bait car. Yes, it is. They're just leaving it out to see who you can honeypot into playing some sweet golden tee. It is also a germ vector. That ball?

You might as well just send it with your mouth. I was going to say a wager. Loser has to lick the ball. Oh, yeah. And Brandon loses. Well, yes. How are we going to? Yeah.

Okay. That makes the most sense. Never mind. I'm not even going to fight. I'm just going to lick the ball now. Yeah. It's a clean ball now. Yeah.

Better to lick it now. It's going to be. Hey, you know what? Let's get into a clip. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just. Let's do that clip.

Let's pop in there think about how much shark parents must have to work overtime to like convince their kids that there's a shark fairy they're like sharks have all these rows of teeth and they're falling out every fucking day and you're just jamming teeth underneath pillows to try and lie to your shark kid your baby shark it's odd how that's the creature whose tooth became a necklace. There's a lot of other cool teeth out there, too. Like what? Like a snake fang. Beaver teeth are amazing.

Beaver teeth are amazing. Beaver teeth are amazing. That's some Mississippi shit. No, they're awesome. They can knock down trees with those teeth. Yeah, they're probably hard as hell. Open a bottle, like a beaver tooth bottle opener? That would be sweet. That. Open a bottle, like a beaver tooth bottle opener. That would be sweet.

That would be sweet. Somebody owns a beaver tooth bottle opener. Snake fangs should be a thing. Snake fang. Yeah. A fang necklace. They're too cartilagy. Like they're not.

Are they? Yeah, they're not. Really? They're not. You can go about fangs. Yes, they are. He's right. They're very cartilagy.

They're cartilaginous. He's been using that adjective way too much. Cartilagy? Cartilagian. Like nonstop. He's right. They're very cartilaginous. You're a real one for the name of it. They're cartilaginous. He's been using that adjective way too much. Cartilaginous? Cartilaginous. Like nonstop. He's describing everything. That lady got so mad when I told her she looked cartilaginous.

Sounds like an old book. Cartilaginous. Cartilaginous. It's part of the Bible. Chapter 3, verse 17. Some maps and biblical stuff. Yeah. Cartilaginous.

Some dude named, yeah. Some dude named Troy. It's the worship of maps. Trying to break off from Jesus. Cartilagians. What does it mean? What does it mean? Cartilagian?

Is it a sentence? Is it a nautical term? No, their teeth are not calcified like other animals. They don't drink enough milk. They're that of cartilage. Yes. Skin milk. That's a good one.

Thank you, Nick. They're also flexible teeth. Have you ever seen up close of snakes' fangs being popped in? Is that what you're thinking of? Or do you have intimate snake knowledge? I don't have intimate snake knowledge. I'm just talking about the... And maybe I'm talking about just what deploys the teeth.

No, I'm sticking with it. How many snakes have you seen? Thousands. Wow. Really? You've seen thousands of snakes. Bullshit. Did you call yourself a snake you seen? Thousands. Wow. Really? You've seen thousands of snakes. Bullshit. Did you call yourself a snake whisperer? Thousands? I grew up in Mississippi, guys.

What? I grew up in rural Mississippi. Are there snakes there? I've seen thousands of snakes. Yes. I've stepped on snakes. You know your way around a snake? Yeah. You think you went a year seeing a snake every day?

In the summer in Mississippi, in your yard, you will see 50 snakes. Are you talking about worms? I'm talking about snakes. I think you're thinking of worms. I'm talking about snakes. Yeah, you're thinking of worms. I've had one get in the house before. Look at these worms.

I know dirt snakes. Snakes. I'm talking about snakes. I've seen thousands of snakes. Mosquitoes are flying. Snakes. Damn snakes. Everything's a snake to Brandon.

What's that snake above the end in Señor Frog? I sat up out of the fire and got bit by snakes all night. Goddamn snakes. Little ass snakes. Just an unlimited arsenal. It's actually the best cover for us of all time that we can uh anytime we want to go down that road nick's dad is just and boy is he happy about it he'll wear it all he will gladly wear it all so what do you think of that clip that's one of my favorite of all time clips um i'll remember that one for a long long long time

long after great clips that really speaks to the on one nature of our show like we were just on one every once in a while there's a switch that's flipped on and that's us we have it yeah and now for a short word from our first sponsor from this week's show, Oreos. KB, you have the reads? No. Hold on. Give me that. Russell, Russell. I think you're out to get me. You're trying to force me into a speaking role?

Lose improv. Well, this entire podcast is not real. We just did it as a bit against you, KB. Yeah, you ever heard of the after show of the act? This is... I can't believe you've fallen for this this long. You fool. Anyway, KB. Yeah, you ever heard of the after show of the act? This is... I can't believe you've fallen for this this long. You fool. Anyway, Oreo sandwich cookie.

He's like, holy shit. Alright, now I know what I gotta do. The sandwich cookie. Now I gotta destroy each and every one of you. I will take that editing job. How about I get some bonus footage and you can subscribe to my Patreon if you want to see that. Oh, okay.

Maybe we should fucking hawk t-shirts off of here. Dude, I need fucking money, dude. I'm trying to make. Bank. Trying to make y'all money. I want to get audited, bro. Oh, like you're not trying to make money for us. You're trying to make money'all money. I want to get audited, bro. Oh, like you're not trying to make money for us.

You're trying to make money similar to us. You're trying to make y'all money, not make money for y'all. Trying to get that audit money. I'm trying to get y'all money. I'm looking at two men right now. He's not looking at anyone. He hasn't looked at anybody in 45 minutes. Unless your left foot is one man and your right foot is another man.

Colby's knees are a man over there. We are limited by only five microphones in here and Colby is kind of hands are tied. It would be nice to have... I got one of them too. I got fucking you money. Damn. Colby's paid like that?

Damn, you guys must feel fucking like suckers for not having been audited. You know what paid like that? Damn, you guys must feel fucking like suckers for not getting, not having been audited. You know what? Run that clip. No, no, no, not that one. I'm sorry. That one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.

There's a clip. Take us into it, KB. I thought that was it. I thought we just did it. Let's dive in. Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears. I don't think with Backstreet Boys and NSYNC, I think we're talking about their cultural relevance and how far their star went, how far their star traveled. I think Prince's star never stopped going up, whereas Michael Jackson's peaked and has gradually receded. But I think that if you looked at the

graph of it, Michael Jackson's graph is above Prince's the entire time as far as star power. And that's all I'm talking about. So what do you think about music? I like Michael Jackson's music better too. I did a poll at the top of the show and Michael Jackson is winning with

69% to 31 with 1500 votes but that proves our point what that the voting was off when i said the 500 vote thing i don't think you could you're being a spin doctor you are being a spin tough no it's closer than we started not get a horn you see loved it no it's closer than we thought. Why did that get a horn? You see, he loved it. It's a tragedy horn now. No, you're being a stupid doctor. You're two prince. We put tape over it.

Come on. Nick, that was good. Dude, I hate hyping you up, but that was good. Damn it. You really overhyped him, too. Fucking horn me. Nick's incapable of telling a bad joke he's trying so hard

who else is one two punches I'm trying to see if anything else illustrates our point I don't know that I think of people as one two punches like Super Nintendo Sega Genesis that was a one two punch and Sega was great but it was still number two notorious B.I.G. line

what about uh they weren't exactly the same i mean they're different but i feel like people put them together the beatles and the rolling stones i've heard that before i think that's a good one they're very different tupac and biggie that's another good one yeah i think they're linked they are whose star would you say traveled higher? I think Tupac. Yeah, it's Spotify and Apple Music. Entitle. Rockin' Austin.

Entitle. Rockin' Austin is a good one. No. Neither one of them is dead either. It's not a tragedy. If I just said Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage, one of them is dead. I'm really rolling that R.

Trilling it. That's good, though. Stone Cold and Austin, but who would be number one? I would say Stone Cold bigger in the wrestling world, especially at the time. Rock bigger in the real world. It's Madonna and Paula Abdul. Yeah, big one. I don't think they peaked at the same time, though.

The one that's on the tip of everyone's tongues. Madonna and Paula Abdul. Abdul. Abdul. Yeah. I don't think they picked at the same time, though. The one that's on the tip of everyone's tongues. Madonna and Paula Abdul. Abdul. Abdul. How many of these things do we have? How many clips do we have? I mean, that's what... These are great clips.

I think clips are for suckers. I think we don't need clips. We just flow from start to finish. Let's just set up a whole run of clips. And here's most of the rest. Six or seven clips. Yeah, here's everything else. Here's everything else.

Seven clips. How did Little Statue Penis not make the cut? That's part of the seven now. He's forgetting some other ones. So wait, so next week we'll actually plan this better. Probably won't, though. No. During the next week we'll actually plan this better. Probably won't though. No. During the show, we should do some kind of sound effect where we're like,

bing, this is a good clip. This is a clippable clip. Right. But next week we should actually plan it and be like, all right, here's where we talked about this. But again, we probably won't do it. I'm just telling people that so that they think it's coming. It is a good idea.

Right. Fool or no good idea. Right. Fool or no masses. You're going to do all of this? Yeah. Should we teach him? I'm going to help him. No, you aren't. Maybe you and I are going to do it.

What we're going to do, we're just going to listen to the yak when we get home from work. And we'll timestamp it. No, because my serious login doesn't work. It keeps on going to a different app or whatever. It's tough. I'd rather just not do any work. That's not a bad idea. Is there a way we could just all not do any work and just show up and do the show?

It's just Nick, though. If Nick does it, it's fine. Yeah, Nick can do the work. Yeah, Nick could do the work. He's got a haircut. He's not weighed down anymore. Shoulder some more load. Nick doesn't need to sleep.

You could head and shoulder a load. You know what? Yeah, just give me all the load. We'll give you the load. Take more load. Nick doesn't need to sleep. You could head and shoulder a load. You know what? Yeah, just give me all the load. We'll give you the load. Take the load. Take all of our load simultaneously. Yeah. And we'll put the load right on you.

Yeah. We are going to look back at this first show that we did several days from now and say, how much have we grown? How much have we blossomed? Brandon, you've had how many shows and how different is the first show from the last show it's very different i almost feel like right now i'm in the youth of my life with you guys and like next week who knows where i'll be we're making future memories like part of my takes first show terrible terrible was it horrible when did it

get good uh second show right away. So our second show is going to be great. It'll be incredible. You think I was going to give us a little more leeway. Well, we'll have Caleb. It'll be his first show, perhaps. So we'll have to be doing a first show. I won't be.

I won't be here. Now we're fucked. Third show. Yeah. Third show will be good. We don't all have to be here every time. Just Rome. Rome won't be here.

How are we going to get our show rhythm? I'll do it over the Skype. Okay. I'll do it over Skype. We will actually plan this better at some point. Not promising. That's the thing. We don't promise it's going to happen next week or the week after, but at some point,

this will have structure. We're planning to plan. No, no, no. I'm going to prioritize this. I am too. This isn't a joke. When Nick says that, I feel confident. When KB says it, I feel nothing but nerves.

Because you can see Nick die behind his eyes a little bit as his workload grows. The pile of papers on his desk gets higher. And Kyle is just filled with this beautiful joy knowing that he's just lying to our faces. He can fuck with us. He'll just sprint out as soon as we're about to do the show. And everyone else will be shouldering more loads. It's just going to be Kyle's Yes podcast.

So are we going to include the Yes? I don't want to talk about Yes right now if the people aren't going to be able to relate to what we're saying. I don't know. I'm not doing it. He's saying yes. Is today's episode going to be on today's podcast? No, the podcast comes out on Fridays at 2. Oh, really?

It comes out on Saturday. Saturday. So does that mean Friday shows get some tips? Yeah. Where does the Friday show go? But aren't you, Big Cat, traveling? Some Fridays. You can do it Fridays.

Yes. I mean, next Friday I'll maybe be here. So we'll leave an empty clip spot for a Friday show that might be great? Well, no, let's predict what's going to happen tomorrow. Oh, tomorrow's going to be awesome. All right, perfect. So Friday was circumcision day on the yacht, and we all backed out. We still had to pay them oil for everyone, though.

It was fucking a bad contract. Good negotiating by him, though. I think that our lack of preparation and the disorganized chaos is the charm of the show. It's endearing. It's endearing. And until we have overwhelming feedback that tells us otherwise, we'll keep it loosey-goosey. And then once people hate it, we'll have a little bit more structure. Does that sound good?

I just need that one screenshot. I need the algorithm to boost us to the number one spot. I want the screenshot so bad. Everyone gets it. Every podcast that's ever been started gets a shot at number one on iTunes. Coming for your ass. Coming for your ass. Not even an episode out yet. Number two.

Yeah, check this out. We're coming for that ass. Alright, well, why don't we take ourselves out, and I guess we'll see you guys last week.