The Yak - The Jenks Report feat. Stu Feiner | The Yak 5-10-23

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello. Big yak today. We got the man, the myth, the legend, Janks in the building. Yes. We have Stu Feiner in the building. We had Dave here. Dave's going to come on tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:00:45 Debate sass. There's really not come on tomorrow. Debate Sass. There's really not much to debate. Oh, there's a lot to debate. Sass, take off the toboggan. Take off your beanie. Take off your beanie. Do you still have all your hair? It's not buzzed.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Oh! Uh-huh. He doesn't give a fuck. By the way, Sass, you would look even better if you were wearing Roback right now. Roback. Q-Zips, Sash, you would look even better if you were wearing Roback right now. Roback. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, all on Roback.com. Use code YAK. 20% off your first purchase.
Starting point is 00:01:13 Roback.com. 20% off your first purchase. Shorts as well. All that's on Roback.com. Go check it out now. Okay, so Jenks is here. We're going to do the Jenks report. Can we make sure Stu's mic is on? I don't think it's on. There we go.ks is here. We're going to do the Jenks report. Can we make sure Stu's mic is on?
Starting point is 00:01:26 I don't think it's on. There we go. Stu's here. Stu, how are you feeling? I feel positive. I feel grateful. Clean, sober, abstinent for the 1,000th time. How long are you on that?
Starting point is 00:01:37 Three days my food is squeaky clean with extreme exercise and four days no marijuana. You look great. Holy shit, dude. I see your cheekbones. With extreme exercise and four days no marijuana. You look great. Holy shit, dude. I see your cheekbones. I mean, I clean up from the neck up really quickly. Just from the neck down is the problem. Do you get a coin for three days? No.
Starting point is 00:01:54 In the rooms where I went to NA and OA, it was a coin after 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, six months, one year. And how quickly do you feel the positive effects? Five seconds. I swear on top of five. For me, it's day four, like three days of misery and then. The second I don't, like, the reason I love marijuana so much and I partaking it to such an intense gutter drunk level is when I smoke, it takes me back to when I was 18.
Starting point is 00:02:24 I mean, the thing, it makes me feel young. So that's the fountain of youth for me. That's the key to marijuana for me. I live with no inhibitions, no fear, love everyone and smoke. My problem is that, you know, my sugars and my carbs are going to kill me. Tomorrow I go to my doctor. He's probably going to put me on insulin. Right.
Starting point is 00:02:43 Because I've just abused myself. So when it takes takes you back does it take you back to when your mom gave you your first hand job um well she didn't but I specifically remember the girls that did at my bro at my brother's bar mitzvah yes yes and it was fabulous it was fabulous you know was it her first time giving the hand job I don ask those questions. I'm just so grateful her hand was on my penis. Like, you just cannot believe how grateful I was. Like, I had a perpetual smile for, like, six weeks. Was it your bar mitzvah? No, it was my brother's.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Okay, okay. Can we pull up that tweet, TJ? Because his mom did give him a handjob. The photo was confusing. I just wrote it a little weird. A little weird. Yes. Don't open it. Wait, Kate, what are you doing? I didn't open it yet weird. A little weird. Yes. Don't open it.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Wait, Kate, what are you doing? I didn't open it yet. I looked. That's a rule? God damn. Squeeze. What was that? Rip it off.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Oh, my God. It was just natural reaction. Give me two. Give me another one. Am I allowed to give some free picks on here right now? No. Later. Three.
Starting point is 00:03:44 But one of them starts at 140. Okay, then give it. Okay, so there's three games that I like. Okay. Brewers, Phillies, and Marlins. All early baseball. I think they're extreme quality games. Bet them all equally and bet them responsibly hard.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Phillies, Brewers, Marlins. Okay. We'll have to keep that updated. Yes. Zaz back, too. Oh, here it is. 14 years old, got my first handjob at my brother's bar mitzvah. When I came, I almost passed out.
Starting point is 00:04:15 What a mess, my mommy. You got to understand the context here. You have to understand how that's confusing for the people at home. I am 62, and sometimes I miss the mark. I really try, but I miss the mark, you know? It's one of my favorite tweets ever. It was like multi-tweeting, multitasking. The thing is, there's no other way to take that.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Yeah. That is the thing. That is the thing. I wanted to share gut level about the hand job, and also that I love my mother. I mean, that's the best. There's the thing. I wanted to share gut level about the handjob and also that I love my mother. I mean, that's the best way. Was it dry? What was dry? Was it a dry handjob?
Starting point is 00:04:53 I mean, I don't. She spit in her hand. Oh. It's not dry. That's a pro. It was unbelievable. That was not her first. It was one of the best ever.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Okay, so Stu's here for the show today. Janks is here because Stu went on a date with. Okay, so Stu's here for the show today. Jenks is here because Stu went on a date with Jenks, so he's part of the PowerPoint. Jenks, TJ, you did a meeting with Jenks yesterday, right? Yeah, we had his Google Meet. So you went through the whole PowerPoint? Yep.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Great. Before we do it, Jenks, the Knicks suck. Ooh, really? Yeah, let's just say that. Well, there's 30 The Knicks suck. Ooh, really? Yeah, let's just say that. Well, there's 30 teams in the NBA. They're in the second round and they got one win in the series. Loser talk, Shanks. Yes, we are losers. Okay, alright. I just wanted to get that out of the way, but we also are going to do the Capri Sun challenge
Starting point is 00:05:38 before we get to the presentation. It seems fair that you would make that decision. How long is the presentation? It really depends on how interactive you guys are. Okay, we'd like to be... So if you guys are like, today I don't want to have to work too much on the act. Jenks can carry a lot of the time. I feel like I can do that for you.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Okay. If it's too much, if it's getting boring, stupid, just tell me to shut the fuck up. Okay, that's why I like Jenks. What a response. What a perfect response. Jerry's got a sad walk. That's an Eeyore. That's the saddest walk.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Full Eeyore. Eeyore, Eeyore. What is that? No, he's been in a fronk. Where's my honey? He has been winning. What was the pick? Who wins?
Starting point is 00:06:14 No one wins. Brewers and who? Brewers, Marlins, and Phillies. Phillies. See how sharp without the marijuana? What? How sharp you are without the marijuana. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:06:26 You can recall all of your picks very easily. Correct. Yes. Rather than, hey. Like, he would ask me that question. I would have been like, hey, look at that picture of Frank. In the presentation, and I know we'll get to it afterward, Big Cat, there is some good proof of, I don't know if everybody remembers,
Starting point is 00:06:43 the famous Portnoy Thanksgiving that Stu destroyed. Oh, because of the punch bar. That was actually not Stu's fault. Well, it wasn't Stu's fault, but one thing from an outsider perspective was the numbers they were throwing around in terms of milligrams. Yeah. Seemed like unrealistic, like they were hamming it up. Yeah. That'll get addressed in the presentation.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Oh, no. Stu doesn't. What's the punch bar? 50 milligrams? No, 200. Yeah. That'll get addressed in the presentation. Oh no, Stu doesn't What's the punch bar? 50 milligrams? No, 200. 200. And the problem was Dave only ate like 50. He didn't go through the wall. Well, I think he ate 100, but he should have ate 250. Yeah, right. Yeah, because once
Starting point is 00:07:15 you get so fucked up, then you get your you get your wind. Yeah, you go on the other side. Right. I'll say I watched Stu do 250 at once. He was fine for like 10 hours, but we do a video evidence of the end of the 10 hours. That's old.
Starting point is 00:07:31 That's old. This was months ago. Correct. Exactly. 250 milligrams. So much. I did a thousand two days ago. Two weeks ago. I was worried he might die on my watch. I was concerned. Is that edibles? Yeah. I smoked like seven, eight
Starting point is 00:07:47 blunts with the thousand. Remember, I mean, by the grace of God, I'm pretty much set right now. I don't really need to do anything so I can just be fucked up. You know what I mean? I have no responsibility. My kids are old and they're doing well
Starting point is 00:08:03 by the grace of God. My wife handles herself so pretty much possible. She allows me to do whatever I want so I'm able to zone out like any day. You're allowed to just leave the planet whenever you want. Literally. I can check out. I can have a nap with my dog for five
Starting point is 00:08:20 hours and there ain't a fucking thing anybody can say about it. That's a great life. Thank you, Lord. Thank you. And can I say something? You're part of that. You're the reason for that. You are one of the main, main, main reasons that I have independent money, independent freedom, independent
Starting point is 00:08:36 love from the world, and independent security. Thank you. I love you, Stu. You know I love you. You're one of my favorite people on Earth. That's a fact. Thank you. Living legend. Okay,. You're one of my favorite people on Earth. Yes. It's a fact. Yes, thank you. Living legend. Okay, so should we do Capri Suns?
Starting point is 00:08:48 Yes. I'm excited for this. So I guess we should go around. Don't touch it. No one touch it. Kate, I'll give you another one. I have more coming. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:57 This is one of those things that, like, as soon as this got in my brain yesterday, I was like, we have to do this. Okay. Steven, do you want to come get one? So what's actually the stipulations? Timer starts when you touch the packaging. And then what's the record, world record? I think it's 10.41. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:16 10.41 seconds? Yeah, because it counts. I think this. It counts as the straw. Try to get the straw in and drink it. Well, what's like a good performance? Well, I guess we'll find out. Previous world record was like 14 seconds.
Starting point is 00:09:26 No, we don't have a second. So a good performance is below 20. All right, so Sash, you want to start us off? Good. You said good is below 20. Let's go under 20 is. Well, this is a world record we're talking about. Under 20, you're one of the best in the world.
Starting point is 00:09:39 Yeah. I have to go first? Yeah, might as well. We'll just go around the room. Is this draw upside down? TJ, do you have it? Are you going to start it right when he touches it? Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:49 All right, come on, Sass. I believe in you. He'll get it. I believe in you so much. All right, ready? Yeah. Come on, don't start yet. Get in.
Starting point is 00:10:00 All right, ready? Yep, he's got it. Great. Good start. Slow. Holy shit. He's doing it. Eight, nine, ten.
Starting point is 00:10:17 Go, Zasko. Stop. That was good. It was like 14-something. That would have been the world record like two months ago. Great jobs. All right, Jinx, you're up. Tough to follow.
Starting point is 00:10:32 Can you punch it? Do you have to puncture it at the hole? Yes. I think you can puncture it wherever, but I think the hole is the best place to do it. I think the bottom is. Are we good to go, TJ? I'm ready. Sorry, not counting, not counting.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Go. Uh-oh. Oh, no. All bent. That's it. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:10:56 Oh, no. No liquid. No liquid in his mouth. Oh, mess. Massacre. It couldn't have went worse. Oh, my God. Oh, his debut. He's embarrassed. It couldn't have went worse. Oh, my God. Oh, his debut.
Starting point is 00:11:05 He's embarrassed. It was the utmost humiliation. He went through the Capri Sun. Oh, Jesus. Qualification. Oh, no. Terrible. Two words.
Starting point is 00:11:13 Didn't go well, guys. Two words. Epic fail. Epic fail. Epic fail. Epic fail. That's tough. That's tough to live with.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Yeah. Yeah. I thought I wore black. Yeah, here we go, KB. make sure TJ's got it on you oh No, Oh dexterity is gonna come into play. Oh no slow that was that oh no he's got it. He's got it He's flying through my body little spill you're done. You're done Time come on Kyle Under 20 under 20 though. I set the bar so low everyone's golden and I spilled a bunch. That's a
Starting point is 00:11:58 qualification Ready TJ. Yes I'm scared. Okay. Good start. Oh, no. That took a second. There it is.
Starting point is 00:12:14 Six seconds already. No spellage coming out. Oh, my God. Holy shit. He's inhaling it. Sucking it all in one gulp, it looks like. Holy shit. You could beat the world record. I don't think so. Yes, you could. It was the opening. It's a transfer that's hardaling it. Sucking it all in one gulp, it looks like. Holy shit! You could beat the world record.
Starting point is 00:12:26 I don't think so. Yes, you could. It was the opening. It's a transfer that's hard. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't go down as fast as you expect. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:35 I thought once I had it, it would just be like... You have to basically do the transfer in like a second and a half. Yeah. I'm going to be bad at this. How did you pop the straw? There's one end that's sharper. I blacked out. Stu, if you go too hard, you're going to come out the other end like me.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Don't go so hard. Just go with precision timing. Here we go, Nick. Ready, Teej? I'm really nervous. It is. It's nerve-wracking. Good start. Good start. That was good. Good start. Good start. Come on, Nick.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Yep. Oh, that was really quick. That was good. That was good. Go, go, go, go. Dunk it in. You've never drank before. Oh.
Starting point is 00:13:15 He doesn't have the sock. Oh. Oh. That was great, Nick. That was really fast. That was really good. That was really good. Proud of you. Proud of you.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Nice. I can do better. Yeah? Is that Pacific Cooler? That's Pacific Cooler. My God. Yes, it's the best one. You really are rich.
Starting point is 00:13:33 All right, Stu. Oh, God. Come on, Stu. Don't beat yourself up about this. Anyone here can do high burst, high intensity. Mind over mind. Ready? Anyone here can do high burst, high intensity Mind Over men Ready So good
Starting point is 00:13:50 Yeah, he's slow We're fine No That was bad He's got a puncture No Oh, good Here goes Stu
Starting point is 00:13:59 Come on, Stu Great puncture Oh my lord He might have swallowed the straw. That was pretty respectable, though. That was really good. Don't beat yourself up. Thank God you're not gay.
Starting point is 00:14:16 You'd be sucking dicks off the torso. If you don't win, you lose. Yeah, that's true. Here's Pat with 40 more Capri Sun. Just in case we want to keep trying to break the record. Can I Pat with 40 more Capri Suns. Oh, hell yeah. Just in case we want to keep trying to break the record. Can I practice? I want to break the record.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Okay. I wonder if I can do worse. No chance. Okay. Ready? Come on, Kate. Three, two, one. Shit.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. And the drinking time is outrageously slow. No, no, no. She's good. Wow. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Strong recovery. I didn't mess up the beginning. DJ, check the women's division. Get me another one. Get me another one. Shout out veterans. You want another? Shout out veterans. You want another? Shout out veterans.
Starting point is 00:15:09 I want to go again. Last one to try to get a world record. Oh, Mario Kart Golf Rush. So how do I prove it's done at the end? I show it? Because it's like if a drop drips out, it's like not legit, right? We'll get a Guinness adjudicator. Well, a drop is fine. You know when it's done.
Starting point is 00:15:28 I'm a man of integrity. Now I don't think you can tell the truth. Ready on the draw? Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. no Oh no Oh no It's done
Starting point is 00:15:47 Steve This is the part where Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no
Starting point is 00:15:55 Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no
Starting point is 00:15:55 Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no
Starting point is 00:15:55 Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no
Starting point is 00:15:55 Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no
Starting point is 00:15:56 Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no
Starting point is 00:15:56 Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no
Starting point is 00:15:57 Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no
Starting point is 00:15:58 Oh no Oh no Absolutely pathetic Yeah, it's a total shit show. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Absolutely pathetic. It's a total shit show. Casually sipping it. This is horrendous. It's only an hour, Steve. It's coming through this tiny straw.
Starting point is 00:16:15 Have you never had a Capri Sun before? You can't even push it down. Sorry. Steven. We'll call that one a disqualified. If I squeeze it more, it's just coming out of my mouth. Swallow. It was impossible.
Starting point is 00:16:31 You got to put a seal around that straw with your lips, baby. Yeah, you're DQ'd. The problem is to poke the hole, you want to squeeze it a little, but if, like me, you squeeze it too hard, then it all comes out. Can you show the world record again to see what he did? Yeah. I got to see his technique. I think Sass had the fastest opening. I think Sass to see his technique. I think Sass had the fastest opening.
Starting point is 00:16:47 I think Sass did too, yeah. I think Sass had the best time. Yeah, he did. Sass, Nick, then me, then disqualified. Yeah. KB. I was the worst drinker. I can't drink.
Starting point is 00:17:01 Oh, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What was his open? Oh, we all forgot to do that part. What time was that? No, I think it was his straw already off. Oh, no, that's when it starts? Yeah, I guess, but I think he pulled it off and then started when he stuck.
Starting point is 00:17:27 He blew the second piece of the plastic off and went in with the sharp side. That's clever. That's classic Andre. That is smart. All right, are we going again? You want to go again? I'll go the good competitors. Mix it in.
Starting point is 00:17:42 If you want to go, anyone who wants to go, they can just go whenever. Let's try a bit of kiwi, though. Come on, now. Tropical Tide. Fruit Punch. Do you want a cough drop? I took a menthol cough drop beforehand to open up the throat. Smart idea.
Starting point is 00:17:59 What was the other kind? That could be considered steroids. Tropical Tide. Any sport, I'd be doing that. Fruit Punch. Give me Fruit Punch. Whoops. Whoa. Alright. Is anyone else going to go again?
Starting point is 00:18:17 I'm going to go again later. Sass, are they room tempered? Why don't you go, Sass, because you won the first one. These are a little cold. Then we'll start the Jenks Report and then we might do some intermissions where people want to go. This, because you won the first one. These are a little cold. And then we'll start the Jenks report, and then we might do some intermissions where people want to go. This is going to be my last one. Yeah, the official definition of the record saying
Starting point is 00:18:34 it has to be an unmodified 200-milliliter pouch with the straw, and you must begin the challenge with the straw still inside the plastic, still glued to the side of the pouch. Okay. TJ kind of feels like God for the listeners at home, or an outsider getting to sit in the chair. Pretty cool. Also, you can't quite see him behind the high noon fridge, so it's just
Starting point is 00:18:55 my conscience. So it's just like the Lord speaks to us at times. I hope he never gets his ass beat. TJ? Yeah, never. Yeah, same. Right? I don't know if I want to say that yet. Should I go or should I wait?
Starting point is 00:19:12 I'm going to get a little bit of a tummy-wummy if I go again. I'll go again. All right, ready? Yes. Over and done. Restart, restart, restart Restart, restart I'll go again later I'll restart, try again right now You also, I think you have to plan
Starting point is 00:19:35 Like you were You hit the straw on the wrong end Like you want to flip it first Hit the straw, get it off, and then go right in. You have to basically baton twirl. Slam that Capri Sun on the ground as hard as you can. Brother, don't be foolish. Or jump on it.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Respect the pouch. Respect the pouch. Again, right now. So what did that guy do? He ripped it off. I wouldn't try to do that. Blue bottom plastic off. Do your first. I'm going to go for it.
Starting point is 00:20:07 You're going to go for it. That's the technique that you have to use. All right. Here, give me that one. I want to slam it on the ground. Yeah, I guess you get two. Kyle, do you want to slam it on the ground? Stu, what's the most calories you've ever consumed in a day?
Starting point is 00:20:26 I've been about 20,000. 20,000? Yeah. Wow. You're like Michael Phelps. Is that a comfortable 20,000 or you get to a point? I was 262 pounds for four straight years. And that would mean that I would literally be eating round the clock all the time.
Starting point is 00:20:45 Yeah, just to maintain that. I'd say a pie a day, you know, four or five bagels. Would you buy the pie or would you steal it from your neighbor's windowsill? No, I would buy it. Float in the air. A lot of things. And twin cheese, a bacon large fry, vanilla milkshake. I had that every day for almost like 500 days.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Oh, my God. On any given day, how many leftovers are at the Stu Feiner household? Well, there's a lot of people that randomly come in. Everybody's stoned. There's nothing left over the next day. Stu's house is like the whole community just comes and hangs out. Like at four in the morning, Sandy randomly comes downstairs and just threatens our lives
Starting point is 00:21:26 i gotta go to work tomorrow dude throw everybody the fuck out you're 60 years old are you ready, Sass? Want to try one more time, then we'll do Jenks Report? All right, I'll go again. I'm going to try. I'm going to go for that guy's method. Come on, Sass. All right, ready?
Starting point is 00:21:54 Yes. Yeah, get the pouch right. Good. Smooth. Good. He got it. He got it. He got it.
Starting point is 00:22:10 Come on, Seth. Oh, spill. Holy shit. You're good. You're still a quality time. Spill. Faster than last time. Oh, no. I think you can get this.
Starting point is 00:22:21 You can be practicing. What was that, 13? Yeah. Two seconds off the world record. Yeah. And there was spillage, practicing. What was that, 13? Yeah. Two seconds off the world record? Yeah. And there was spillage, though. There was a little spillage. Damn.
Starting point is 00:22:31 All right. That was good. Anyone who wants to do it for the rest of the show, we can just randomly do it. Yeah, at some point I will definitely. All right. Quick add, High Noon, made with real tequila, real juice, clean finish because it's made with real Blanco tequila, only 100 calories,
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Starting point is 00:23:18 high noon in the summer maybe at stew's pool what's the pool opened? The pool's been open since March 20th. It was ready to swim at 88 perfectly March 27th. From March 27th to April 4th, it was 35 outside 88 in my pool, so the pool water was evaporating constantly. But it's ready to roll. It's ready to roll. And he has proof. Oh, you have proof.
Starting point is 00:23:42 That's part of the report. That's part of the report. All right, so let's do it. have. Okay. Part of the report. That's part of the report. All right. All right. So let's do it. It's time for the Jenks report. For people who don't know, Jenks is, we first met him, what, last two years ago at the Super Bowl. Jenks, I'll say this about him. He does a very good job of straddling that line of fan slash stalker.
Starting point is 00:24:03 And then you sent me something in the mail. And then you sent me something in the mail. Yes. You sent me something in the mail. A box with a shoe in it saying I'm trying to get a foot in the door. Right, he's trying to get a foot in the door. He also said he had. A blog with 300 pages of NBA right now. Yeah, so really what Jenks, though,
Starting point is 00:24:17 the reason why Jenks was able to get to this seat today is he DM'd me a pic. It was like maybe November or December. today is he DM'd me a pick. It was like maybe November or December, and it was the over in Orlando game and the over hit by like 30 points. And so obviously I was like, oh, this guy knows something. And then he just kind of got my hook in me from that point on because it's basically like one winning pick. And I'm like, this guy knows.
Starting point is 00:24:42 He does not. In fact, he does not know anything. He keeps his updated record. He DMs me a pick every day. He's like 87 and 92. Close. But then it started. He took, who'd you take first?
Starting point is 00:24:56 Che. Che to a date. And we said, let's have Jenks take all of us on a date. So then he can grade us all on how we do as dates. So he took me, Nick, Che, Stu, Frank, Glennie, all on dates. And now we have the Jenks report. He took Brandon. Brandon.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Sorry, Brandon as well. So he has taken all of us on dates. So we'll now find out who is the best date uh with jenks so without further ado the jenks report let's do it appreciate it thank you first of all everybody for having me i think after hearing yesterday's episode if it's okay i just wanted to open by saying i love you mom i love you dad i love my brother andrew his girlfriend ally and special shout out to my boy ep who helped put together this presentation and also the show's at one o'clock I'm a real person with a job so yeah Kat looks into the camera line goes
Starting point is 00:25:51 I know Jenks is watching I got really lucky a couple times where I managed to catch him but my boy Eric really helped catch every time I was brought up which shout out Eric it's possible yeah he's the man biggest stoolie you could ever imagine. And then also Paul Conley put together the little reel that I had, and he worked with Dave back in Providence way back in the day. He's a camera guy that does stuff for the Celtics. So just wanted to give some gratitudes there. Love it. TJ slash God. Can I just call you God? Yeah. He's like the closest I feel like I've ever been to God. So God, if we could just start with slide one. It's your call, as in everybody in the room,
Starting point is 00:26:30 but there's a 90-second kind of overview of everything that's happened to this point. I think Big Cat articulated it well, but it might be a good visual for everybody if they haven't seen it. I think that's a good idea. Okay, so TJ, hit that shit. Ethan's going with a stranger. True.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Just a strange person? He DMm'd him he goes by jinx how was your date it's awesome we're second row behind the baseline i've never been that close yeah jake was fun dude look at that jinks hey he's cool looking dude i wanted to hear from the other side of the date jakes what's up guys up, guys? Look out for Shay, man. He doesn't just trust the numbers. He trusts people. Yeah, yeah. Were you not concerned at all that, like, I could have a van out front and I'm going to, like, take you?
Starting point is 00:27:12 And he looked me dead in the eye and said, I could take you. I'll say this. If you go Brandon and then maybe two more and no one gets kidnapped, I'm ready for my date with Jinx. I like Jinx. I guess.
Starting point is 00:27:30 I'm not rolling out kidnapping, though. Brandon, how was the game? It was great. It was one of the better nights of my life. Jinx is a cool guy, man. We sat front row. Is it a lot better to be on the floor? Yes.
Starting point is 00:27:41 It changes everything. Frank sat courtside last night. Oh, everyone's got to go do this date. Do you know where Frank is right now? Where? He's in Mets opening day. Opening day here at Citi Field. What has Jenks done since he went with Brands? Stu.
Starting point is 00:27:55 Jenks. It's an honor. We're having an amazing time. Glennie. I would love a report. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go to a playoff game with him. So once I go to the game with him, he says he's going to do a full PowerPoint for us.
Starting point is 00:28:08 This is good. All right. Well done. Shout out to Paul Conley. Paul Conley. Appreciate that. Paul Conley. So sticking with the gratitude before we get into the meat and bones,
Starting point is 00:28:17 obviously want to thank Big Cat for allowing all of this madness. I have tried very hard to straddle that line of stalker slash persistence. Stu, you actually read, and I Shay read, too, before meeting me, my silly story of how I wrote letters to David Stern emails for three years and he never would read emails. He'd have a secretary printed out and then read it physically. And he finally responded after two years and said, just with the address and time. And I showed up. He took a one on one meeting with me. And he said jenks what you are is wait you took a one-on-one meeting with david stern i would say he took it with me so you just wrote him until he took a one-on-one meeting with you yes and then okay go on um he said the only reason i took this meeting is because you're a
Starting point is 00:28:59 cpa a corporate pain in the ass and people like me that fucking matter understand at a certain point it's just worth taking the meeting because you're not going to stop and and basically what year was this uh probably 2018 ish oh my god stayed in in great communication for like two years we would meet semi-regularly like every six months or something then what happened he died died. Oh. And I was- You know how he died, Jinx? It wasn't me. Was it? He was alive. Stern.
Starting point is 00:29:32 He was the best commissioner of all time. How many years did he live before you met him? A lot more than after. He never died not knowing you. Yeah. All right. I'll take it. The Knicks suck because of me.
Starting point is 00:29:42 David Stern died because of me. Okay. All right. Okay. all right. But that said. So you met with him, like you became friends with him? He verbally undressed me in the first meeting. He's like, you're a piece of shit going for the top wrong.
Starting point is 00:29:54 You've not earned anything. You have no right to be in this meeting with me. Like literally just ripped me apart. And once he realized that I could take it, he started to soften up. And then I got a second meeting, third meeting. And as I started to infiltrate and then I got a second meeting third meeting and as I started to infiltrate and become friends with Alan Houston I was updating him and his last message to me was a really nice email that said keep pushing and then he passed away in about two weeks after he passed away I got an email from his office from his secretary saying you were on his list
Starting point is 00:30:21 of mentees so you're invited to his funeral at Radio City Music Hall. No way. And as a diehard NBA fan, I went there. Michael Jordan, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, all these guys are just walking in, and that was pretty awesome. Holy shit. That's an unbelievable accomplishment.
Starting point is 00:30:38 Incredible. You say his funeral was the best day of your life? You're the next target, Sass, to that point, Sass. Why was David Stern in the next iteration? I mean, it literally probably was. You're going to die soon. Okay, shit, yeah, I'm going to die soon. You need to really live it up.
Starting point is 00:30:52 Enjoy time with your family while you can. Okay. And, Sass, great point. Really bad spot to meet all of your heroes is a funeral. You can't take... Well, you're dressed nice. I'm never dressed that nice. Michael Cry. We've got a lur never dressed that nice. Michael, cry.
Starting point is 00:31:05 We've got a lurker in the window. Hank! My guy! Wait, I think... Is he coming in? Should I give him my chair and sit? No, no, no. We need the report.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Let's see. What do you take us? He's coming in. How's the Jake's report going? We just started it. Frank, how you feeling? Did Mets just make everything miserable? Did nobody on the team... I mean, it is Mike.
Starting point is 00:31:33 ...gives a single damn? That Tomas Neal is going to play a lot, and I could probably hit better than him. I could probably race Daniel Vogelbeck's dinner than me. I mean, if I was a baseball player, I'd be like Daniel Vogelbeck. I mean, this guy is like he sends it to plate, and it's like me looking at vegetables on the plate. He doesn't want to touch anything.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Zing. Well, Frank, we're going to do the Jenks report, but then I'll have you come back in when we get to your part. All right, because I'm going to do my podcast at 2. Oh,ing. All right, well, Frank, we're going to do the Jenks report, but then I'll have you come back in when we get to your part. All right, because I'm going to do my podcast at 2, so. Oh, okay. All right. So maybe after your podcast. All right.
Starting point is 00:32:11 All right. Love you, Frank. Love you, Frank. Hey, at least. No, I want you like halfway out the door when I say this. At least Darren Ruff might be back. All right. Do some stage blocking there to get the effect.
Starting point is 00:32:35 So, yeah. Great vegetable joke. That crushed. One of his best. David Stern, part two. Dan Katz, Big Cat. Oh, no. Thank you for allowing the madness.
Starting point is 00:32:45 I hope you enjoy the last couple years of your life coming up here okay yeah thank you also really from the bottom of my heart for taking me to my first and next playoff game lifelong memory yep thank you to steven shea for being brave enough to take the first risk in the first date um this this i'm just thinking about this right now it would have been really funny if your entire report was just coming in here just to thank us. No, no, no. Don't worry. Like, report over. Starting with just the thank yous.
Starting point is 00:33:09 The report hasn't started yet. I want to thank Nick, who was delightful on our date. Tank, who took me to two Devils games, including a playoff game and Mets season opener, which meant a lot. BWOC for our night together. And Stu is basically like family now kb k sass we'll get to you guys oh okay so shall we start yes let's start let's start so we have to start with a little time travel here if we go to the la slide god and as i mentioned when i called in, I panicked big time. So what actually happened, and I'm going to make myself a little bit vulnerable here, which is probably against the Barstool brand, but TJ's got the screenshot.
Starting point is 00:33:54 And don't pull it up quite yet. I'll give the little background. It was COVID 2020 in September. And I think like a lot of people, I was in a tough spot. I was in a tough spot without being too melodramatic and Barstool from Dave to Big Cat to all you guys Stu you guys did so much for so many people we just needed to be entertained and I was such an embarrassed such an embarrassing low point I actually reached out to someone at Barstool with a pretty pathetic self-pitying message. They responded in 10 minutes with kindness.
Starting point is 00:34:29 And I would love for each of you to guess who it was. Because it's either someone that's participated in a jank state or someone on the act. I'm going to say Glennie. I'm going to say Stephen Che. I was going to say Stephen Che, yeah. Che. Had to have been Che. Maybe KB.
Starting point is 00:34:47 This dude's mesmerized. I don't know. I'm trying to think. He's high as fuck. I don't know. I'm straight as fuck. Yeah, prove it. Okay, who was it?
Starting point is 00:34:59 DJ, God. Whoa! Oh, no way! Oh, my gosh. Oh, no way. Oh, my gosh. What a redemption arc. He needed that. Yeah. Just a couple things to unravel here.
Starting point is 00:35:14 One, he clearly doesn't know the Scott Hall saying. Ooh. Yesterday. Yeah. Tried to do it, but he really fucked it up there. Yeah, he did. Secondly, the guy can't call his mother, but he responded to me in 10 minutes. That's true.
Starting point is 00:35:28 So very confusing. You know, he's a great guy, great heart, but maybe he put more of that energy toward his own family. Are you on military time? Yeah, what time was that, Kate? 3 minus 2, 1, 11, 11.36. Okay, 11.36 p.m. Yes. You're on military, you use military time?
Starting point is 00:35:44 Yes. Oh, that's a minus couple points right there. Yeah. Well, you didn't go on the dates. Minus 12. Your point system doesn't mean shit to me, Seth. All right, so back to L.A. That's wild that Brandon.
Starting point is 00:35:55 Good for Brandon. I know. And you could tell in that photo with Big Cat that you were down to stop and pose for this photo. You're crystal clear. Yeah, I'm not moving whatsoever. Horrified. So what happened was I basically figured out where you guys were because I'm a crazy man. But got there.
Starting point is 00:36:13 I met Spider first. He was awesome. Met a few of the other guys. Won't go into details. And then when I finally saw Brandon Walker, I shook his hand and I thanked him. And I think he actually did again butcher the Scott Hall saying a second time, but was very nice and smiled. And it was ironic.
Starting point is 00:36:28 He didn't remember any of this. And I didn't tell him on the date either. And it's perfect. He's not here while he's getting all this love. I think he's going to be here, right? No, no, not today. So then if you go back to the L.A. slide, you guys probably don't remember, but I basically made a complete fool of myself.
Starting point is 00:36:41 I yelled King of the North, weirded out Big Cat. Yeah, very much so. I even went to the bar and got two rounds of drinks preemptively for eight of you and came over with two trays, like 16 drinks. And all of you guys were like, what the hell is this guy's like? What is he doing? Yeah. And I really wanted to come to dinner with you.
Starting point is 00:36:57 Yeah. That was the last night, right? Yeah, I think we were with Nick Mangold. Yeah. Yeah, you were with Nick Mangold. Yeah, exactly. He had the two drinks pretty quickly. I remember when he went into my room?
Starting point is 00:37:05 Yeah. And he was like, damn, Billy's... Remember when Billy blamed that on me that I set him up? I still don't understand how that happened. How did he get into my room? I don't either, but Billy held that grudge against me for so long, and I was like, dude, I was not... The last thing that I was thinking about is how can I set up Billy in his room?
Starting point is 00:37:20 Yeah. That was weird. That was very weird. So that was the backstory. I felt like... I was really happy I got to meet you guys, but I was like, damn, I really. He blew the first one. That's okay. The going on the knee made me feel very.
Starting point is 00:37:32 May I ask what was your goal at the time? As friends. At that time, I was looking to try to get my foot in the door. To work here? Potentially, but also I just love you guys. So like in a non weird way, if you can be friends with the people you're fans of, like,
Starting point is 00:37:50 that's like so cool. Yeah. You know, it's like with David Stern, same thing. Like I would have loved to work for the NBA, but it was much funner just being friends with them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:57 Yeah. Um, so with that, the way the format's going to work is there are four categories by which each of you are evaluated. The contestants pregame event event vibe and follow-up oh points are important but i've built this presentation based on the chat the show and what the people care about so it's not the end all be all okay when you see who has the most points it doesn't mean the show's over okay um as i'm going through the dates big cat told me before my first date with shea take meticulous notes so
Starting point is 00:38:32 what i can do relatively well is read quickly and you guys can shut me up when you want but i have a lot of funny anecdotes to throw in and um without further ado let's let's get into it let's get to the shea slide oh sorry this sorry. This is the timeline. This is the timeline. Okay. You can see here the breakdown. So from January 25th to April 21st, I managed to go to a Knicks game with Shea, a Knicks game with B-Walk, a Knicks game with Tank, a Knicks game with Stu, a Mets game with Tank, a Knicks game with glenny a play date at stew's house from noon until 1 a.m and no one was there except me and his family um a devil's playoff game
Starting point is 00:39:14 with tank oh no sorry that was a second nicks game with tank and then a second day at stew's house where we jumped in the pool another good good 12-hour session, just me and the fam. And then Glenny just a night out, which was a big wild card. And then last but obviously not least, the poly date with Big Cat, Nick, and Shea at the Knicks playoff game, which was my first Knicks playoff game. That's the timeline we're working with, and we're going to bang through it as quickly as possible. Okay. All right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:39:49 I like this. This is good. This is great. Each contestant is broken into two slides. Your first slide is the overview. Your second slide, we're going to have a couple of links to funny videos and then also can open it up to some discussion and whatnot. But you guys can obviously see what's on
Starting point is 00:40:06 there let me just read some of the anecdotes and i already told everybody about shea so shea i'm going to do a little bit less on our first date i'll do more on the second date you were on you're the only contestant that's been on two officially act dates um so first pre-game in general i think uh one thing about shea that i really appreciated throughout to this day is he's very responsive and i probably text him a little bit too much i'm sorry shea but you're such a a nice human being with that said when you meet somebody for a knicks game i probably shouldn't have said are you not worried that i could kidnap you but i also don't think you should have threatened me so that's where you really got dinged on the points pregame. Otherwise, it was like a really nice time in the wings.
Starting point is 00:40:49 But if somebody... I actually don't think that's a threat. I think it was just a statement of fact. Well, we're going to get to that, Big Cat. We're going to get to that. I think that was the only logical response I had. I mean, you could beat the fuck out of Janks, Shay. Yep.
Starting point is 00:41:00 And for the record, Big Cat, I did text Shay very politely when you happened to say that in front of, you know, hundreds of thousands of people and said, Shay, I love you. I don't mean this in an aggressive way, but happy to do rough and rowdy with you if you're OK. OK. OK. Shay said you have nothing to fear unless you try to kidnap me, which was a very cagey. Yeah. Answer. Answer. Yes. Yes. For the record, and I told Stu before the show, any physical combat versus Shea, I'm open to with love.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Pound for pound, he's one of the strongest men in the world. Steven Shea? No. Matthew Jenks? No. Pound for pound? No. 148 pounds, he has an eight-pack. Guy benches 250. Big Cat, he's a monster. He's 148 and can throw up 250 five times. 160, but I like that. I'll thoughts. That's incredible monster. He's 148 and can throw up 250 five times. 160, but I like that.
Starting point is 00:41:45 That's incredible. You're only 148? No, I'm 160. Oh, that's what he... Okay. Yeah, still incredible. Yeah, I'm okay with it. Pick up your shirt. Show them your shirt, please. Please. I made a statement. I'm back. He's one of the
Starting point is 00:42:01 strongest humans alive at this weight. There's no bullshit. He's the strongest humans alive at this weight. There's no bullshit. I mean, he's a psycho. One of the strongest humans alive. You would never think this. Oh, wow. Yeah, so, Che, you'd get your ass kicked. I mean, oh, no.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Oh, no. Oh, no, Che. Mama mia. He would fucking. Whoa. He would fucking. Yo. Yo.
Starting point is 00:42:22 Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo.
Starting point is 00:42:23 Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo.
Starting point is 00:42:24 Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Looks like a mini Tarzan, really, like legit, when he got on my boat. That was funny. We'll get into that.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Count's opinions are definitely... Yeah, I was wrong. I was wrong. I'm a big man to say that he's wrong. You would never think it are definitely. Yeah, I was wrong. I was wrong. I'm a big man to say that he's wrong. You would never think it, though. Oh, I know. Never. You know, he was just talking about me three seconds ago.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Yeah, I would squash you. Yeah, Kate would whoop your ass. I would squash you, but Shay would not. So Big Cat rough and rowdy this weekend? Yeah, okay. Moving on. So some of the things with Shay that were consistent going into the date. On his phone a lot.
Starting point is 00:43:09 This man is obsessed with his pics. He is obsessed with the data. Also, I think he genuinely believes when he tweets at the NBA that they are taking a lot of weight with his opinions. Fixed it last night. you are the it is like funny steven because it's like you're getting what you want but you're also the biggest karen in the world yeah you do it dude if you bet with me you my protection is offered okay that's just a fact that is a fact it's back going back to the tough guy um then with uh with shea he was a little bit more awkward because my whole thing is Stu knows and loves. I research all the referees before the game if you're close enough to the court and then heckle them with love.
Starting point is 00:43:52 I look up what their favorite music is, their favorite food, and just scream it at them. Shea was a little bit more quiet and awkward and to himself, whereas we'll see with Stu, it was a little bit of a different reaction. And then I also appreciated post-game, follow-up-wise, Shea, again, was always supportive, always cool. And even when I poked fun at him when I called in, he didn't go belligerent on me like Nadeau, which was nice to see. Okay. So, yeah, Shea, that's your score.
Starting point is 00:44:20 And you're going to be popping up again soon. Okay. Any questions or thoughts, Shea? That's fair. I would say the digging for the pregame, I thought we had a good conversation, but if it's mainly the threat, I don't feel like there's another way for me to answer that question. I feel like if Hulk Hogan said that, I would probably have a similar response.
Starting point is 00:44:38 There's an entrapment element there that I think is fair, and I apologize for it, but being the data freak that you are, you will like the fact that you have a data advantage in that you're involved in two dates. Yeah, that's true. I will come back to that. I'm surprised the vibe being data driven is a nine out of ten. Well, it's like seeing a hippopotamus eat a lion in the water. It's like nature.
Starting point is 00:45:04 It's how it's supposed to be. So when you would look over at him. It's a square garden. It's beautiful. It's history. He's like four rows back. He's like, where's that assist? Where's that assist? This is my pick for the day. Yeah, we were there. That's a data guy. Yeah. Okay. Sorry if I'm yelling God. All right.
Starting point is 00:45:19 Next date? Yeah. Next date. Let's move on to B-Walk. So again, B-Walk didn't know about our little... Oh, vibe. ...factor in romance. What was the O? Vibe, seven. Seven out of ten.
Starting point is 00:45:31 Let's just dive into that. Okay, so... Actually, let's not dive right into that. Can I give the full rundown? Yeah, go ahead. Because I think the pregame here was most special. So he showed up for drinks at Triple Crown with Sass, Nick, obviously B-Walk himself, and then Tommy Smokes, along with two producers that B-Walk game here was most special so he showed up for drinks at triple crown with sass nick um obviously
Starting point is 00:45:45 b walk himself and then tommy smokes along with two producers that b walk did not recognize yeah and basically it was a mini bar mini mini guys trip to the bar which at the time was a great alex bennett joke but probably can't land now and there were a few things that really pointed out to me right off the right off the bat first all, Nick was looking me up and down like a lion sizing its prey. Of course. Eyeballs up and down. And then that kind of came to fruition when we went out on a date. Nick was very warm, very gentle, very sweet.
Starting point is 00:46:18 Had no problem sitting next to me like some people. Yeah. Two omegas meet. And then Lil Sass was just sassin which i can kind of you know uh empathize with being 12 years old and talented is a stressful thing and he was trying to work out all kinds of high level stuff that i don't think i should bring up but he had like a whole crew advising him it was like it was like oh yeah what was going on yeah what does that mean yeah you did have a crew advice this was the vibe it was like macaulay culkin renegotiating home alone too yeah oh it felt like yeah wait there
Starting point is 00:46:52 was something going on there was some something going on in your life there was with barstool yeah i would i would think so this is where you work right i was probably just talking shit i don't know i think no no you you. You were not talking negatively about anyone, but you were navigating like a strategy of what you were going to do. Yeah, you had a little inner circle. Yeah, it was an inner circle meeting. I think it was just what we talk about. Oh, I remember what we were talking about.
Starting point is 00:47:17 And we definitely cannot talk about that. Janks was right. It has nothing to do with me. Janks was right. And you text me. I have was right. Can you text me? I have no idea. Yeah, I'll text you. You'll be like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:28 I can't talk about that. Okay. Okay. So then going forward. So I would say in a lot of ways, Brandon is probably the biggest fraud in Barstool history simply because he comes across as this antagonist, loves to play the heel, be the tough guy.
Starting point is 00:47:43 He shoved a guy in the hallway. It's all just BS. He's literally just the nicest guy very very simple calm um and it was about five seconds in we realized we both love the same book playing for pizza but all this stuff is a lot less interesting without brandon here um we did a lap around the garden before we could figure out our entry point. He moves well for a larger man. Struggles on stairs. So when you see Brandon Walker going up or down stairs, I wouldn't even worry about him so much as yourself because that's a lot of man that could fall on you from the prophecy.
Starting point is 00:48:16 Heavy breathing. Front or the back. He almost got thrown out in the first quarter, and I'll let Brandon explain that in the next slide, but that was interesting. Take him to see LeBron front row and almost get kicked out in the first quarter and i'll let brandon explain that in the in the next slide but that was interesting take him to see lebron front row and almost get kicked out in the first quarter at that point i couldn't really talk about the refs another funny one he brought up patrick beverly to roan and even brought it up on a pick'em episode on february 1st saying yeah i spoke to patrick beverly not only did he not speak to patrick beverly patrick beverly had
Starting point is 00:48:41 no idea who brandon walker was at least at at that time as would be expected yeah so need to call that out um couple other really funny things about uh Brandon he was literally rooting for both teams he was like you take the over like a soccer mom no he was just super supportive of both teams at some point I turned to him and I was just like what are you doing man like he's like well I really like lebron but i want to be part of the crowd it was a very bizarre thing okay the other one if you pull back up the original b-walk slide um in terms of vibe uh southern charm but part of that southern charm was he struggled quite a bit with math he was waiting to see if one of his college basketball bets were going to hit. And the game ended and he was really upset he lost.
Starting point is 00:49:28 And then I glanced at it and just added two numbers together. I was like, no, you won. And then he was thrilled. He was so excited. So that was a really funny moment. That's amazing. For a New Yorker working with a Southern Charm type, it was kind of on point.
Starting point is 00:49:44 And then some other funny things with him. He doesn't store anyone's phone numbers. So anyone at Barstool or beyond never feel bad if he doesn't respond. The only one that seemed to be stored with Shay is Nitro Baby. I don't know why. Maybe Nitro Z. Nitro Z was his old alias. I thought it was Nitro Baby.
Starting point is 00:50:01 Okay. And I added it also now makes a lot more sense that he doesn't call his mother. He might just not have her number. Right, right. Good point. Other thing he kept doing was taking pictures of people's feet as people walked by, and they were all wearing shoes. It was a Rex Ryan type thing, and then he couldn't even do it well.
Starting point is 00:50:19 He can't pick out shoes on his own. He kept doing it on video, so he just doesn't know how to use his phone. I really felt bad for him. Crazy. shoes on his own he kept doing it on video so like he just doesn't know how to use his phone it also reminded me of when we were at the pregame and all the all the younger guys were talking around macaulay culkin and brandon turned to me at one point and he and i was like what do you what do you think's going on there he's like i have no fucking idea they never involved me in any of these conversations i literally probably wouldn't even understand what they're talking about if they told me. So just for the crew, maybe try to include Brandon a little more. I think he feels a little left out from the young guns.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Sass isn't even paying attention. Okay. Brandon can't keep a secret. Sass literally doesn't even know I exist. He's like, who is the man to my right? All right, Dan, stop. What did I do? I was paying attention.
Starting point is 00:51:00 No, no, you're good. You're good. I'm just busting balls. So all good. We can go to the next slide for Brandon. I think maybe just click on the Space Jam story, which is pretty funny. Stu, how are you feeling? I feel amazing.
Starting point is 00:51:20 Very blessed to be here right now. I really am. I'm honored. I'm blessed. If you need me every day, I'm doing nothing. And now that I'm not stoned and not overeating, I've got so much food. For three days. I'm on blessed to be here right now. I really am. I'm honored. I'm blessed. If you need me every day, I'm doing nothing. And now that I'm not stoned and not overeating, I've got so much food. For three days. I'm on my hand.
Starting point is 00:51:30 How long do you think this one's going to last? Which one? Not being stoned and overeating. I don't know. I'm going to take it one second at a time. All right. That's smart. I have to be so honest with you.
Starting point is 00:51:43 That's smart. So is the food harder than any drug or alcohol? No, the marijuana is the hardest. Okay. And the marijuana leads to more food. Correct. The marijuana leads to all the problems. The food, more drugs, spending money recklessly,
Starting point is 00:51:59 being in trouble with my wife. You know. True gateway. Having 40 people over the house, you know, $1,000 worth of food, and I just met everybody there. She hates that. Yeah, okay. Jay, if the link's not working, we can...
Starting point is 00:52:12 Oh, here we go. Don't have her question. I almost got thrown out. Of the game? Of the game, yeah. I look cool that day. And it's the damnedest fucking thing, because we were saying, LeBron,
Starting point is 00:52:21 we were perpendicular to the bench, and we were about 10 feet away from LeBron, and when he sat on the bench, we were perpendicular to the bench. And we were about 10 feet away from LeBron. And when he sat on the bench, we were talking to him. And we were literally saying nice things to him. And security came over and said, if you do that again, you're out of here. I told him, I said, LeBron, my kid loves Space Jam 2. That's tongue in cheek. Security came over and said, if you say that again, you're out.
Starting point is 00:52:42 Yeah, they knew. And he knows it. That's right. Yeah. That, they knew. And he knows it. That's right. Yeah. That was an insult. And that was the closest I've ever been to actually getting tossed when you're sitting that closely. So we can move on to the next one. So let's go to Frank the Tank.
Starting point is 00:52:54 Ah. Excited for this one. Oh, what the fuck? You got tens across the board. Frank the Tank. Okay. So, first of all, Frank, I'm sure you'll never hear this or watch this, but Dan Rapoport wanted me to let you know that he's a huge fan.
Starting point is 00:53:11 He doesn't think you know who he is. Okay. He'd love to hit some golf balls sometime. Our co-worker? Yes. Okay. Okay. Now, jumping into it.
Starting point is 00:53:19 So, Super Bowl week, ironically. You're probably right. This was a year later from when I had humiliated myself. You guys all went off, right? Yeah. So, like Big Cat referenced. Some of us did. week ironically probably right this was a year later from when i had humiliated myself you guys all went off right so like big cat reference there was this line i had to straddle of being persistent but not being um overbearing so after super bowl week the jank storyline was essentially dead like and reasonably so you guys have moved on with your lives i remembered when i did my initial outreach and she responded, one other
Starting point is 00:53:45 guy responded, Frank the Tank. He said, I'm actually going to Idaho, but when I'm back in town, I'd love to go. So I reached out to Frank on right after Super Bowl week and he brought me back to life. He resurrected me. So with Frank, the biggest thing I've been asked by people after spending a lot of time with him, we've gone to the five sporting events. Is it an act? Is it all just like he's putting on a thing for the cameras and whatnot? I swear on TJ that it is all 1000% real to the extent that when you see Tank out in the wild, and I mean this, it is not nice to go up to him and start heckling him about the mets because he actually gets very upset yeah you're actually ruining his fucking day or whatever
Starting point is 00:54:29 he's doing that in that moment to the point where and tank would back me up if he was here at our last devil's game you should say that here we go the coolest strut just a smooth he goes he's never looked cool oh at the last devilils game, I turned into his security where we implemented a rule. Before anybody could approach him, I would say to them, no words, only pictures. And if they started talking, which a lot of them did, I would physically grab them and remove them. And Devils security actually said, you're doing a great job. Let me know if you need any help. So I appreciated that.
Starting point is 00:55:04 So into the Tank date. So if you love Tank, he is the nicest human being you'll ever meet. He takes a picture with every single person. Don't be an asshole if you meet Tank in the wild. That's all I'm going to say. He actually does get upset. How did it start? He comes into the bar.
Starting point is 00:55:18 I've never met the man before. I'm over at Triple Crown across the street. And he was so hot about how Jeff D'Lo fixes the dozen. Oh, yeah. I don't even think he said hello to me. He just came in and started saying he sets up all the questions for the young guys. He doesn't know a thing that happened before 1985. It's completely rigged against me.
Starting point is 00:55:37 The whole league is a total fraudulent joke. And then eventually I think he was like, oh, I'm Frank. And I was like, great. Yeah, you got the full experience. Perfect. You should have been like, oh, I'm Frank. And I was like, great. You got the full experience. Perfect. You should have been like, do you know where Frank the Tank is? You're Frank, right? And he looked up and he smiled and he goes, did you see the yak today?
Starting point is 00:55:55 And I was like, yeah, why? He's like, they tried to get me with a beeper. Oh, it was beeper day, yeah. Oh, I thought we did get it. That's one of the more failed experiments. That was awful, yeah. He turned it off on the couch and didn't care. Okay, yeah. Oh, I thought we did get it. It was one of the more failed experiments. That was awful, yeah. He turned it off on the couch and didn't care. Okay, yeah, he didn't give a shit.
Starting point is 00:56:09 We bragged about that. Okay, now let me read quickly because this is, I need everyone to get a sense of in 20 minutes what Frank and I covered before going to the Knicks game. NBA history general discussion. Discussed Frank's NBA fandom. Discussed this is Frank's first Knicks game at MSG, which I think jail for everyone. You guys are two blocks from MSG.
Starting point is 00:56:28 Discussed the similarities of Putin and Mussolini. Discussed the NIT. Discussed firing our dentists in New York City because they're worse than crypto scammers. Decided it's time to go to the game. So we really covered a plethora of different issues, which was pretty awesome. And then as we walked down, I had no idea, but we go to the second row, and Spike Lee's right in front of us. And I literally thought we were on the wood in the corner,
Starting point is 00:56:50 and I got really kind of pissed when I saw we were going to be in the second row, and then it was Spike. So as the game starts, somebody in MSG security immediately recognized Tank, came up, gave him a free T-shirt. Great start for vibes. Stu has a security guard at msg that oh i've
Starting point is 00:57:06 met him babysit for him named terry yep so terry came over and he remembered me from the shea game and he goes hey buddy you're gonna give the refs a hard time tonight oh i was like we'll see and he goes all right we'll just tell stew finer i say hello i've been friends with him for 28 years yeah i was like doesn't i've run into that security guard like four times. He babysat my oldest son, Sean. Wow. He babysat with my cousin, and that's how I met him. And his roommate fixed the Arizona State College basketball games. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:57:33 But when he called me and told me this, I'm like, come on. What are you telling me? Everybody tells me it's fixed games. P.S., four months later when he got arrested, he was right. But I didn't believe him when it was happening. Damn. Okay, so I got to start moving quicker. Sorry, Big Cat.
Starting point is 00:57:48 Okay, so raw dogging behind Spike Lee at halftime. Quite an experience. Spike stays in his seat, so he very distinctly heard Frank go, raw dogging here at the Garden in the second row. And he came over a little bit and was very weirded out. That was an awesome moment. But then as time went on, he got to, like, hear us yelling at the the players we had a two-on-one handicap match versus Marcus Smart that was awesome a couple of Frank's best lines you're a bigger flop than Ant-Man
Starting point is 00:58:13 that he wouldn't be able to score a point in a retirement league oh he's coming up Blake understand he's surrounded by celebrities so when Frank yells these very random one-off shots, people look. They're like, where did that come from? Did Frank acknowledge Spike or other celebrities in any way? Yes. At the very end of the game, Saquon Barkley was walking by, and Frank put out his hand to TJ, shook his hand and said, I'm a Dolphins fan.
Starting point is 00:58:47 Oh, I love it. That was all he said. That was all he said. Saquon didn't know what to do with that and walked away. He wouldn't know what to do with that. Golf with Saquon. It was pretty awesome. And then at the end of the game, we went, I walked him down to Penn Station.
Starting point is 00:58:59 There were two, I don't know if they're cops or military, but huge guns. And Tank looks at the big board and everything's delayed and he fucking lost it like screaming and cursing at new jersey transit but like if you were the two guys with guns if i was at the table like we were right in their faces and he's yelling and i put my hand on him i was like tank maybe like we like face the other way like yeah guys with the huge automatic guns. So that was an awesome night. And then quick, I'm going to quickly go through the other because there's five tank parts. Part two was the Devil's Game.
Starting point is 00:59:34 Gave me a walking tour of Prudential. He knows everything. Ironically, it was Marvel night. So a guy's walking toward us in full costume, an adult man dressed as Ant-Man. I'm not even making this up. i didn't know what character it was so i turned to frank i go who even is this one and frank as the guy's getting within earshot goes oh that's ant-man he sucks guy in full costume stops in his tracks, looks Frank in the eye, and he goes, really, Frank? I love it. New Frank. New Frank.
Starting point is 01:00:07 I heard him. That's perfect. Part three, we went to the Mets season opener. It was awesome. It was electric. You guys probably saw some of those pictures where he got mobbed by the fans. It's like going out with Madonna when you take him to a Mets game. That is.
Starting point is 01:00:21 I think the funniest thing to watch Tank do, I don't know, TJ, on the second slide, if you can pull up the easy out Escobar easily. He's just staring rough in disguise. Easy out Escobar. He's got the thumbs up because people are teasing him. He's got the thumbs up permanently. That's perfect. Whenever somebody approaches Tank in the wild, He got the thumbs up because people were just... He just got the thumbs up permanently. Permanently thumbs up. And mounted.
Starting point is 01:00:45 That's perfect. Whenever somebody approaches Tank in the wild, he puts his thumb up like he's the president because he assumes you want a picture. Yeah. It's muscle memory for him. It just stays up. It's a visual for people that don't know him of a man sitting in a great seat like that in full Mets attire in a seemingly chipper tone heckling his own player. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:07 Unbelievable watching the reaction. People do not know what to do with it they get completely confused and emmer gives great updates when he goes to the game with them sometimes people do get upset um the next one tank had me on his podcast they forgot to introduce me it was like the first podcast i've been on for the first 10 minutes so i sat there like a hostage person. Literally just waiting. Did they talk to you at all in the first 10 minutes? Someone realized finally. I think Mikey after 10 minutes was like, we should probably introduce our guest.
Starting point is 01:01:33 Like Big Cat said, I try to be a go-with-the-flow guy. I don't want to overstep, but I figured it would be a natural opening thing. Oh, that's perfect. So that was pretty funny. Then we went to the Knicks playoff game. Did you say something, Stu? No, no. So then we went to the Knicks playoff game. Did you say something, Stu? No, no.
Starting point is 01:01:46 So then we went to the Knicks playoff game with my brother. We announced that Stu is a Knicks fan. That did some pretty good numbers. Frank. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Frank is a Knicks fan. Thank you. That did some pretty good numbers, but really upset a lot of people.
Starting point is 01:02:00 Yep. I think that's loser talk. If you think that Frank the Tank causes your team to lose, I think you're a loser. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a Fleming curse. It's a Fleming curse. It's a Fleming blessing.
Starting point is 01:02:12 Nope, it's a Fleming curse. It's a Fleming blessing. I'm going to respectfully disagree. Would you want Frank to root for your health and well-being? Yes. If the Fleming curse doesn't exist, how can you explain Hideki Fleming buying an entire strip mall in Nagasaki in 1945? Because he wanted to set up his family in the future to outperform him.
Starting point is 01:02:34 How can you explain that? He wanted to set up future siblings. This looks like a sumo wrestler. Oh, this is great real estate. So then part five, Tank took me to the devil's playoff game unbelievable game they scored eight goals second most in playoff history and again like i said i had to take over security so with tank just so much fun really appreciate them and we can move on to the next slide all right let's let me do outback real quick and then we'll fire through
Starting point is 01:03:02 the next couple slides uh outback discover the eighth wonder of the world. Great Barrier Eats at Outback Steakhouse. Great Barrier Eats. Limited time menu at Outback Steakhouse invites you to dive into bold new flavors and explore the best of land and sea starting at just $16.99. You don't want to miss these new menu items. They have lobster, pasta, prime rib, plus shrimp combo, Tim Tam brownie cake. Outback Steakhouse even topped the famous Bloomin' Onion
Starting point is 01:03:28 with Aussie cheese fries. We're ready to climb into the Bloomy cheesiness. And they've introduced the Mac Daddy of steak and mate combos. The new sirloin plus lobster mac and cheese combo comes with a six ounce sirloin, lobster mac and cheese, a choice of two sides,
Starting point is 01:03:44 and starts at just $16.99. Check out the new Great Barrier Eats menu at local Outback Steakhouse. Order for delivery at Outback.com. Outback, I think this is the last day they're bringing in food. We love Outback. Outback is phenomenal. Go check out Outback today.
Starting point is 01:04:00 Next slide. Who do we got next? We got Stew and... Next slide's the easiest one okay so just look at the data sass won't even notice don't worry about it go to the next one okay all right so stew all tens stew absolutely crushed it i'm gonna rip really quickly here for for big cat so first of all tank introduced me to stew stew immediately texted me this is your source your source, Stu Feiner.
Starting point is 01:04:25 And then sent me a six-second video cursing, screaming, saying, let's go. I'm ready to go. Ready to go to the next game. Which was really awesome. I'm not going to lie. That was a highlight. He also read the David Stern story. Did some research on me, which I really appreciated.
Starting point is 01:04:40 And invited me to his house in advance of ever meeting me or going to the game. So Stu is just a fearless warrior. I sent Stu the ref breakdowns. When the game time came, he actually drove with his personal driver to my apartment, brought a box of presents, including nobody's noticed yet, but I'm wearing a RIP Steve Mahalik shirt. He has every religion around him. Yeah, that's a great shirt.
Starting point is 01:05:03 Absolutely gorgeous shirt from a gorgeous man. And he brought me a lot of other... That's a great shirt. You, it has every religion around it. Yeah, that's a great shirt. Absolutely gorgeous shirt from a gorgeous man. And he brought me a lot of other... That's a great shirt. Did you ever see that? It did. I sold it on my website. I think it's on the Barstool Show. Alright, we gotta get that up. One of my favorites.
Starting point is 01:05:19 He came, he brought the presents, we went to the game, we had a fantastic time. He met Alan Houston. And then we found out that the referee's name was Eric Lewis. His favorite show was Martin from the 90s. His favorite food was lasagna. We were literally in the second row. And Stu had never seen this in all of his experience in sports.
Starting point is 01:05:41 But I stood up very early on in the game and I yelled, hey, Eric, after the game, you want to go back to my place? Maybe watch some Martin, have some lasagna. And he actually turned and smiled. Which is unbelievable. Stu, take it from there, Stu. During take it from there play by play he wasn't watching the game he looked at him but then stew stood up once he his eyes lit up when he saw that the ref reacted and he goes if you like lasagna i have the best lasagna you'll ever have in your life and you know you know stew's voice is insane and at that point eric lewis completely broke character he was like and we had him laughing and then all the other players saw it too so we were right you know we were right over the next bench they were laughing at everyone it was amazing and then quickly if you want to play on the second slide stew yelling at julius randall i don't know if it takes too much with the links i can just keep going um but stew was one row
Starting point is 01:06:24 behind we were one row behind the Knicks bench. Stu was acting like Julius Randle's father. You would have actually thought it was his father, the way you were screaming at him. No, no chance I would have thought it was him. Stu, part two. Wait, here's Julius. We love you, Julius. We love you.
Starting point is 01:06:42 You're so close. Jesus Christ. Mad respect. Mad respect. Oh, my God. Julius definitely heard it. He also had a bunch of the Knicks guys laughing throughout the game. Stu was all time.
Starting point is 01:06:56 Love it. R2, he gives me a tour of his house. So I walk in, and Sandy is furious with Stu, which probably happens quite frequently. Barely. Because Stu was determined to get the pool up to 88 degrees. It was 35 degrees outside. And what he created was an entire pool evaporating and creating a London fog over his house. That's how it works? Verbally undressed by his wife as I walked in.
Starting point is 01:07:21 Man, a pool's 88. It's outside 31. The water just kept evaporating. I kept having to put the hoses in the pool. And it was ridiculous. It was one of the funniest arguments I've ever walked in on as a first impression. Oh, so funny.
Starting point is 01:07:33 And Stu's like, I'm sorry. Like, I'm sorry. Like, it's my brand. She's like, I don't give a fuck about your brand. You'll be living in a pine box. Turn the heat off. So then Stu proceeded to give me about a five-hour tour of Farmingdale,
Starting point is 01:07:43 almost like he was already dead and it was a life tour of everything. I went everywhere in Farmingdale, including, correct me if I'm wrong, Stu, places you hadn't been in 25 years. Exactly. He walked me through every part of his life, which was awesome. And then I was there for the night. Part three, again, went back to his place, pool. This is when I saw him put in 250 milligrams and survive, which I think alone is a miracle.
Starting point is 01:08:08 EJ, could you please pull up the stew clip that's six seconds long on the second slide? I think it says stew is ripped. Here we go. This is a product. He's holding a – Is this a kid in a ginger ale? It's an air – He's right.
Starting point is 01:08:25 It's an airplane ginger ale. It's an airplane ginger ale. You're right, though. Those are... Those are amazing. The best. Oh, my God. It's an amazing product.
Starting point is 01:08:34 Especially when you have 250 milligrams. So, it is true. Stu is built differently, and don't underestimate that, man. Holy shit, Stu. That day, I cried of laughter about six times the one other anecdote i had to note was when we went to go pick up food as stew was mentioning before we made we were getting food for everybody so we asked for an order of chicken tenders and the purse the really nice young lady there said would you like four or eight and stew turned
Starting point is 01:09:00 ghastly white his face dropped he looked her dead in the eye and he goes pounds? And I literally collapsed on the ground laughing. When she said that I was so wasted. Pounds of chicken tenders? Like also he wasn't six to eight. He was thinking
Starting point is 01:09:20 about four to eight pounds. I was like six of us. My wife's going to kick me in the balls a minute I walk in. With eight pounds of chicken tenders. And then, sorry, I skipped the part two. No, no, that's okay. That's good. So part three was, again, at Stu's house.
Starting point is 01:09:37 We did the pool and the cry and laughter, which I just covered. So, Stu, I love you. Blood Brothers. Perfect scores across the board. It's an amazing product. It's a great product. It's ginger. Next up, Glennie. How do they perfect scores across the board. This is an amazing product. Next up, Glennie. How do they think of this? Glennie will be a quick one.
Starting point is 01:09:49 You're the best, Stu. He really is. So, Glennie has been very specific with me about me not saying a lot about him or what we talked about. Did you sign NDA? Oh, no. Glennie, this goes against everything. What's going to happen? We're going to assume the worst. My first note is that he is a sweetheart,
Starting point is 01:10:09 but he's a public figure that lives a private life. And I got to respect that, you know, as I would for any of you if you were like, don't say this or that. With that said, it was really fun hanging out with him. We went out after the game. Can't say anything more. And we went out What? I get it. And we went out another night, and I can't say anything more. And we went out. What? I get it.
Starting point is 01:10:25 And we went out another night, and I can't say anything more. It's like Leo. You can't say where you guys went. You can't say what happened. Leo. Can't say where we went. Can't say who we were with. Can't say what happened.
Starting point is 01:10:33 I will. He's like Jeter in the gift basket. Give one real thought. Yeah, well, we're going to cry. So were there girls? No, I can't answer any of these things. About 2 a.m., I will say this. About 2 a.m. at the bar, out of left field with perfect hair.
Starting point is 01:10:49 Looked like he just came out of hair and makeup. Jeff D'Lo just rides in like a unicorn. He did just come out of hair and makeup. He's his girlfriend. And he was just like, it looked like he was ready to be live on air. And I was like, it's really nice to meet you. I was like, how does your hair look so good? I was like, it's 2 a.m., man.
Starting point is 01:11:04 It's a hair cut every week. So that's Glennie. He's a great man and not a pervert. That's so funny that Glennie's entire report is redacted like it's the same. He's not a pervert. He's not a pervert. Do I require you to say that in the presentation? No, but I think that's what he was trying to tell me in a lot of different ways without saying it.
Starting point is 01:11:20 Got it. Which I swear you have to reiterate that, the less you believe it. Yeah, like the time when he turned to you and was like, I wasn't a pervert, right? Hey, just so you know, I'm not like a pervert. I think it's because of the OnlyStand show. He usually acts like this. It's because of the OnlyStand show.
Starting point is 01:11:35 He doesn't want people to have a perception of him as a weirdo, and he's not. He's just a really nice, sweet, normal guy. Hey, see that guy over there? He looks like a pervert, unlike me. Never be that guy. He's a pervert, unlike me. Never be that guy. He's a pervert, not a not. Next slide, we're going to have Katie Hot Pockets cover.
Starting point is 01:11:52 Oh, what? Kate? Oh, Katie. You called me that once. Okay. Wait, did you go? Wait, what is this? Did you go?
Starting point is 01:12:00 We can't talk about it. Okay. Oh, okay. Oh. So, Sass missed his slide, but for the guys that didn't go i created different buckets that are um vibe support and then potential so the vibe is what's the vibe when jenks came up on calls support is how much did you support the idea of me being a continuing figure on the show and then the potential is what the potential for our friendship could be. Okay. Okay, can you walk us
Starting point is 01:12:26 through this? It's pretty good. I was conflicted because I didn't want you to have to spend time with me because I have low self-esteem, so I get that. Oh, before you say I get that, I did want to spend time with you and I invited you to a meal. No, it's a me thing. You're fine. I did say
Starting point is 01:12:42 that as a hot man and I exploded a Capri Sun earlier. I stand by it. And potential not being awkward is not possible. Yeah. I feel like we're not awkward anymore. Oh, we're back. I'm having trouble making eye contact.
Starting point is 01:12:59 As soon as we leave this room, me and Kate have to look at the ground while we're walking by each other? Yeah, I especially have to. You guys haven't even met yet. That might be true. I believe that. Sometimes it's just me and Sass in the kitchen, and I'm like, I should say something to him. And then I'm like, I don't know. The only time me and Kate have ever spoke was when we went to the pool bar after the tank race.
Starting point is 01:13:25 Oh, yeah, and I was on mushrooms. Yeah, you were. I was fucked up. Yeah. We'll probably never talk again after this. This has been great, Sass. Thank you. Okay.
Starting point is 01:13:37 Okay. I mean, when Sass walked in today, he clearly looked me in the eye, knew who I was, and kept talking. We were talking to someone. I was like, I'm not going to bother anyone. And I just like you, Sass. How'd he get from point A to point B? I don't know how to make you like me. He's a mover and shaker.
Starting point is 01:13:50 All right, so let's go to the big cat date. Big Cat, Shea, and Nicholas. Hey, oh, no. Pre-game. Damn. So, pre-game is the only area where you guys got dinged points. But I also want to be fair here. So, a lot of the pre-game
Starting point is 01:14:06 issues were myself because i'm one of those guys that gets to the airport three hours early two hours you know one i'm always like on time or punctual for a knicks playoff game which i'd never been to i was having a panic attack aside from the fact that i was going to meet big cat and like big cat knows i've been bothering him for months so like I didn't know if he fucking hates me whatever so it's like I got to handle trying to get him to like me but I'm also low-key terrified that we're going to be late for the next game that whole thing was a bit stressful but then big cat came in and I felt bad because you you did seem you were very positive but you're definitely tired it was a Friday night you'd be a single cat dad for the week yes i remember correctly yes it also speaks to what a trooper the boss is still
Starting point is 01:14:51 willing to go on a friday night whereas others kind of a tough look probably you know not the best thing yeah no it was i i my vibe probably wasn't great at the pregame because i i whenever i have to do something at night like whether it be a stream here, I go home, do bedtime, bath time, all that stuff, and then come back. You did have my favorite line of all time, though. You said, every bar is a gay bar for me. Yeah. And Nick, thank you for setting that up.
Starting point is 01:15:17 Because when we left the bar, somebody said, sorry, Big Cat said that, whenever I go to a bar, it's like a gay bar because men just approach me nonstop. I am not making this up. We walk go to a bar, it's like a gay bar because men just approach me nonstop. I am not making this up. We walk out of the bar, take a left. Before we've even left Triple Crown on our peripheral, a man in a deep voice yells, Hey, Big Cat, Big Cat, I'll suck your dick. Yeah, that's true. We're all just like, no way.
Starting point is 01:15:41 It's actually true. We talked about if you were just like, all right, suck my dick. And he was a little teethy, if I remember. Yeah, yeah. Gobbled you up. That was a bit wild. So then, anyways, we got into the game. Shea immediately, again, right on his phone.
Starting point is 01:15:55 He was worried about Donovan Mitchell assists over when it was actually a Knicks-Cavs playoff game. Correct. He was worried about Donovan Mitchell's assists. Okay? We got that overturned. We did. That was a heroic win.
Starting point is 01:16:08 You know, I said to Chad, I was like, are you nervous when the Cavs cut it to single digits? And he was like, no, I just need two more assists from Donovan Mitchell in his Jeremy Lin jersey. Yes, and which I'll have. Playoff game. Yeah. Comfortable win.
Starting point is 01:16:22 So Big Cat, I thought, did a fantastic job for the poly date of doing this cup game. Oh, yeah. That involves everybody that I'd never known where you put in five bucks. You start with one person. Everybody throws in five. If you have the cup, the next time your team's shooting free throws, if they make one free throw, you add another dollar. If they make two free throws, you add another dollar if they make two free throws you add two if they make none you take all the money and it's really fun it also makes free
Starting point is 01:16:50 throws electric i want advice to any friends of big cat if you're going to go to a sporting event with him make sure you let your significant other know in advance because you're going to go home with a ton of singles yep i think everyone won that game except me too i. I won nothing. I owe you two bucks. It's actually true. It is a fun game to play. Give it to Stu. Give it to Stu. He's done everything for me.
Starting point is 01:17:11 Okay. So with that, somewhere in the middle of the game, Shea took his undershirt off, went sleeveless, Lynn. I think five or six people came up to him and said, Hey, Jeremy, can I get a picture with you? And then proceeded to battle the NBA commissioner's office for a Donovan Mitchell assist. When that assist finally happened, the Knicks had the game well in hand.
Starting point is 01:17:31 We were all celebrating. Nick and I were very handsy sitting next to each other. You know like when a big play happens and you have a friend and you grab him? Oh, yeah. Are you comfortable with him that way? Nick and I were super physical. You mentioned Che's phone distraction about four times did he ever engage or yeah he engaged a little bit and he was sitting on the outside next to me and well that's because he was sick oh yeah he was sitting
Starting point is 01:17:56 next to me and then he started coughing and i was like are you sick he's like no i'm not sick then he sneezed and i made him sit on the other end. Yes. Big Cat basically used me as a— That part's true. I was not on my phone much until the fourth quarter when there was an incorrect statistical thing that directly affected my bet and everyone that bet with me. And, yes, I was dedicated to the cause from that point forward. Yeah. I mean, the bettors, you have to know, Shea really cares about you,
Starting point is 01:18:19 and he does his best. So that's true. That is the bottom line. One of my favorite moments, too, when we left the game, there was a big stoolie that saw Nick. I don't know if you guys remember that. And he goes, oh, my God, it's Nick Tirani. Nick, can I get a picture? And Nick, without skipping a beat, this is like how quick all you guys are, goes, yeah, no problem, man.
Starting point is 01:18:39 Hey, Big Cat, can you take this picture? Before he did that, I was like, you have to promise me this is the last picture you take tonight. And he didn't see Big Cat. It was great. He was devastated. His soul left his body. And then I took, I took like, I took like, yeah, the guy was so, he was like, what the fuck? What have I fucking done?
Starting point is 01:18:58 Yeah, he was so upset at himself. And then, but I did give him, I took like, I don't think I took a picture for Nick and the kid. I took like 15 selfies and handed his phone back. Did you actually do that? Oh yeah. It's awesome. So then from there, when we left the game, it was obviously so much fun. They were doing those street interviews where like, you know, everybody gets riled up.
Starting point is 01:19:20 So I wrestled my way into the middle with Big Cat, and Big Cat went up first, and he goes, I don't give a fuck about the Knicks, but my nuclear whale missile play hit! And everybody goes, yeah! So they didn't play that on Street Talk New York because you can't open up with, I don't fucking care about the Knicks. Right.
Starting point is 01:19:38 However, God, can you hit mine? Oh, you made it! Oh! Forever! This is our cheer. You made contact on every dap while not. Oh, yeah. Look at this.
Starting point is 01:19:55 One, two. Oh. Oh. It was a great crowd because you could say literally anything and people would cheer. Yes. You'd just be like, Hitler's a bad guy, but he had some good ideas. Ah! Everyone going nuts.
Starting point is 01:20:08 It was so... You just had to have the right cadence and everyone would cheer. You have to do the setup. Yeah, right, right. You don't have to have an explosion. Stu, we'll be looking for them tonight. Stu and I are going to the Knicks game tonight. Oh, nice.
Starting point is 01:20:21 We got to get Stu on that microphone. Yeah. And your shape is perfect to kind of work through those, you know, the gaps. I want to see if Matt is a ride or die guy because I said to him, and I'm ready to do this, okay? You going to streak? No. It's worse. Julius Randle does not have a real game.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Me and Jinx are jumping on the guy and tackling him right on the court. Okay. You define metrics behind what would constitute. He's got to go 25-10, and he's got to play defense for four fucking quarters. If not, we get our asses kicked by him. No, we're going to jail. No, no. We're going to jail because we're jumping right on the fucking.
Starting point is 01:20:55 Okay, okay. I'm tackling him like Van Gundy held his leg, and you're going high, and we'll see what happens. Okay, well. So a season will be over. We can spend a night in jail. I'll pay bail. I'll get the lawyer. It's like a $20,000 stint.
Starting point is 01:21:11 It's a quick bid. It's over. I'm doing it. I can read that. It's either, listen, this could be your future at Barstool. If you have the balls to do what I'm going to do, then you probably got a job for life here. You asked Tank, a guy at the last Devils game.
Starting point is 01:21:27 Have you been arrested? Have you been fingerprinted and handcuffed? Yes. Oh, okay, good. I just want on the record, I do not condone this. Please do not attack any players in the name of Barstool. I agree. I guess this is...
Starting point is 01:21:37 I agree as well. Yeah. That said... I mean, this is... It's not a... It's going to happen. Okay. Barstool does not condone this.
Starting point is 01:21:46 Correct. Official line, company line. Shout out Penn. I don't want you to hold this against me. Yeah, we don't know Stu. We never met Stu. Who the fuck is Stu? I also am not employed here, so I'm not a liability at all.
Starting point is 01:21:57 Stu, I'll put it this way. Yes. If there's ever you in danger, I'll put myself right in the middle. Okay, fair enough. Love that. I don't care what form, Julius Randall, I could take a hit. Okay, so that was the date. So what we're going to do is pause for a second.
Starting point is 01:22:11 We'll show the points breakdown. Again, this is not going to say who wins. Okay. Because this is the yak. Yeah. And what the people really care about is the wheel. Yes. And I don't want death threats after I get off.
Starting point is 01:22:27 My phone's been buzzing this whole time, which is not normal for me. Probably normal for you guys. I'm not the biggest social life guy. But what I was thinking is if you break down your guys' scores statistically, throw it in the wheel. Oh, I like this. You make it first to four, unless that's too much. I know. I like this. You make it first to four, unless that's too much. I know, I like that. And then the key thing is, Nick said something a while ago that I would like TJ, if you don't mind, to play.
Starting point is 01:22:52 You think so? I mean, listen to him talking to his brother on his podcast, and then listen to him talking to his teammates. They're black. What did I say? Yeah, I guess he is. At the Super Bowl. Or his teammates. They're black. What did I say? Yeah, I guess he is. At the Super Bowl. Or this is... Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 01:23:09 I had the wrong time. Hold on. It's 25-50. That worried me. I was already on. Yeah, no, don't worry. I'm not going crazy here. Deal.
Starting point is 01:23:20 Jersey Jerry had dinner with them last night, right? Some of them? Yeah. What a guy. Yeah, he's good friends with Kenny. Showered at his house. That shows. That's what makes you become good friends.
Starting point is 01:23:35 So. Oh, no. I'm in your guy's house, right? Oh. He's exempt because he is not part of the Yak, and as Big Cat said, nobody nobody barstool knows who he is he's not even really associated with the company but the winner of the jenks report will get to choose somebody else to go shower with me oh officially friends oh wet wheel it's live and
Starting point is 01:24:00 the winner gets to god damn it okay okay i can't believe I said that. I know you guys are going to hate me for that, but I'm sorry. It's for the people. It's fair. Oh, okay. That is the breakdown of points. This is the breakdown, and this is where Shea's data comes up clutch because he's got two slivers.
Starting point is 01:24:15 Okay. Okay. All right, so spin it. First to four. Gets to decide who has to go shower with you. So we want to win this. Yes. Oh, all right.
Starting point is 01:24:33 So I got one. Let's do first to three. First to five. First to three makes sense. Because I'm just imagining if we all got one and then we have to go. It could go a while. Oh. All right, B-Walk's got one. Okay.
Starting point is 01:24:53 Now if B-Walk or Tank win, Big Cat, I'm going to lean into your creativity. Chase got two, technically. Yeah, but just one alone. One alone, one alone. One alone. One alone. No way. Wow. All right.
Starting point is 01:25:17 My God. Okay. Imagine if they win and not doing anything. That would be so wrong. That's life sometimes. I don't know shit about the NBA. Yeah. It's not like wrestling or something.
Starting point is 01:25:29 Two. All right, we got it. I go in with buzzwords. This guy can jump out of the building. You seemed well-versed when you were there. Huh? Yeah. We're good at that.
Starting point is 01:25:38 So I look at you, and I don't even know who shot it. I was like, that's not his fucking shot. You grabbed my arm. You said, yeah, it was. Cat won. They won. Cat won. All right.
Starting point is 01:25:50 So we have to tell someone to go shower with you? Is that how this works? Sounds like it. You guys are acting like you've never showered on this show before. I'll pick Che. Okay, yeah, I'll pick Che, too. Your bike's off, man. I'm in this.
Starting point is 01:26:04 Yeah, no, but Nick and I picked you. They're picking you as the separate entity. 2-1 is the vote. There's a separate... Yeah, we're picking you as a separate entity. You can have a vote as well, dog. That's messed up. You could vote, though, Che, but they would outvote you 2-1.
Starting point is 01:26:19 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to go Che. What's your vote, Nick? I want to hear what you and Che's voting for. I want a tie break. Or you could put it away and Che could take this. This is people here today or everybody? Yeah, people here today.
Starting point is 01:26:31 Okay, so Brandon's exempt. You want me to come back for a shower? I'm happy to do that. It's a shower with Brandon. Stu. Okay, great. So we got one vote for Stu. Stu's the one exempt.
Starting point is 01:26:40 No, it's fine. He gets Stu. One vote for Stu. I have a tie break on my hands. One vote for Che. That's mine. Nick? You're One vote for Stu. I have a tie break on my hands. One vote for Che. That's mine. Nick? You're not really supposed to say who you vote for, right?
Starting point is 01:26:49 Okay. Should I write it down? Yeah, write it down. Yeah. This is... Okay, I don't have a... Write it down with your words. Okay, S-T-E-V-E.
Starting point is 01:27:00 Okay, so it's Stephen Che. So he's the one who's got to go shower. Sorry, I have bad handwriting. Okay. Che, you ready to do this? This would be a tough time for me to use that unprotected pick, Kate. Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 01:27:17 I can take it. It would be. I'm not going to use it. But I just wanted to remind you. Yeah, that was a good reminder. I just wanted to remind you. He could have picked Kate. Kate owes Stephen a favor. But I just wanted to remind you. I can't tell you. Yeah, that was a good reminder. I just wanted to remind you. He could have picked Kate and she would have had it. Yeah, she would have. Kate owes Steven a favor.
Starting point is 01:27:29 You know, he made him. That would be a little awkward back. A godfather offer where it's like, at some point, I'm going to call on you to do something and you can't refuse me. Yeah. Try O. Yeah. Wow. Eventually.
Starting point is 01:27:43 Okay, so go ahead and go do it. Let's do this. Let's make it official. Oh, man. That was a perfect creepy ending by Jenks. Go in that shower right now. Be like, I'm not a creep. I'm not a creep, but the loser has to shower.
Starting point is 01:27:56 Yeah. You just hold it together at the same time? Yeah. Just when you think Jenks might be a normal dude, he's like, I want to shower. Does anyone have a ruler? Can someone just measure their penises or something? They're not going to take off their clothes. What?
Starting point is 01:28:09 Oh, yeah, no, they're not going to be naked, Stu. Oh, they're not naked. Wait, you thought they were going to get naked? Right, that's why I got a Woody when Kate's name got thrown, and I'm like, can I watch? I'm ready to step this up. Let's take it to the next level. Let's go kate by the way veterans i would have been great for my only fans yeah i would have been fabulous katie money grab uh manscaped manscaped is dedicated
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Starting point is 01:29:37 it. I think Liam ran to video it. Yeah. I think Liam had a camera. They're in there. Oh, is this wild? That was great. I mean, but I think Liam had a camera. They're in there. Oh, is this wild. That was great. I mean... Listen, he's a very, very smart human. Yeah, but he is also a creep. Well, you know what it is.
Starting point is 01:29:58 But in a good way, like a benign creep. He is a fan, and the fandom takes him to that level. I don't think he's creepy. No, no, no. He's a benign creep. Having an entire report, which was fantastic. I laughed throughout the whole thing, but have the end be like, I want to shower with someone. He jumped out of there.
Starting point is 01:30:16 That would be a benign creep. Okay, fair enough. That was creepy. Okay, fair enough. It's creepy, but it's not bothersome. But he stood the litmus test My son Alex What test?
Starting point is 01:30:30 Litmus Okay My son Alex hates everyone Liked Jinx Oh, Jinx My wife hates beyond everyone Liked him So in other words
Starting point is 01:30:39 That's never happened I know, he's a great dude He is You know what it is? I'll change the word creepy It's more like Context is needed with Jinx That's never happened. I know. He's a great dude. He is a legit. You know what it is? I'll change the word creepy. It's more like context is needed with Jenks. That's so true. If you watch.
Starting point is 01:30:50 Oh, no, no. You're right. If you just see like, yeah, he came in, did a report, and then wanted to shower with Che. That is weird. But then when you add the context, it's less weird. I have a question. If he didn't have that fucking rockin' bod, would that make him creepier if he was just like a puffy? Yes, yes.
Starting point is 01:31:06 Absolutely, immediately yes. Probably. Put it on him. Yeah. They're just showering in there together. They've been in there for a while. They're giggling it up. So have Connor send you that video, TJ.
Starting point is 01:31:17 I want to watch it. I want to watch him show. Do they have clothes that they change into? Maybe. Probably not. I messed up the entire fried topping of the Bloomin' Onion. Tore that apart throughout the episode. I never had a bad meal at Outback, by the way.
Starting point is 01:31:33 That's the best. Me neither. Unbelievable. The best. From their Texas toast, from their bread, from their steaks, from their fries, from their veggies, from their desserts. Everything's phenomenal. From their Texas toast to their bread.
Starting point is 01:31:46 That's the whole gamut. I'm a big bread guy. I mean, normally I bang out a thousand calories for the bread before the meal even comes. Did you beat Big Cat's record at Les Bernardins? You know something? When he went to Les Bernardins,
Starting point is 01:32:02 I've been to Les Bernardins a lot. I've had bachelor parties at LaBernadine. I've spent well over a quarter of a million dollars at LaBernadine. Oh, shit. In the 90s. He's cold. Letez, LaPeregord, LaBernadine were my places three times a week for almost three years. Whoa.
Starting point is 01:32:16 I don't know. He ate a lot of bread. When he wants to turn it on, he's a monster eater. Yeah, when he puts his mind to it. Oh, my God. My wrench. Oh, wrench. Probably the wettest. You guys are he puts his mind to it. Oh, my God. Oh, wrench. Probably the wettest. You guys are the
Starting point is 01:32:27 wettest anyone's ever gotten in the wheel. How was it? He hugged in the shower. Nice. Shout out. Shout it out. I'm so naive. I thought it was going to be naked, so I asked for a measuring stick to see how big penis is off. That makes sense, too. You guys are
Starting point is 01:32:43 stand-up men. While you were gone, I called you a benign creep. Is that fair? No, not the benign part. Okay. You just get out of the shower with someone. You know something? I think he's willing to do anything for the cause.
Starting point is 01:32:59 Yeah. No, that's very much apparent. KB, do you have any remorse that you didn't go on a date? Yeah. I mean, now that I met him and see how charming, down-to-earth, and cool he is, I think my issue is I'm intimidated by extroversion and social confidence. It feels like I'm playing ping-pong left-handed.
Starting point is 01:33:18 Especially when it's an extended period of time, like a one-on-one game. Now that I know you, I would love to do something. We could make the next date at my house with everyone. Oh, love to go there. At my house, poolside. 12-hour react. I'll do whatever you want.
Starting point is 01:33:35 I'll do it. We could do some chicken fights with Shay in the pool. No two ways about it. And I have two showers back there, too, so we can get everyone to shower. Roll me. Ready to roll. Ready to shower. Roll me. Shoot. Ready to roll.
Starting point is 01:33:46 Ready to roll. Any day. Any day. So I'd love any feedback. What did you guys think of the report? Fair? I liked it. I liked it.
Starting point is 01:33:51 Out of 10. I want to prepare you. I'm sure there'll be some Yak fans that won't like it. Don't listen to them. There's some that hate me. Yeah. This is like a fun, different episode. We do the same episode every day.
Starting point is 01:34:05 This is fucking. The chat. I liked it. This is like a fun different episode We do the same episode every day This is fucking I liked it This is high quality I'm just preparing you mentally Because I know that there are people that like They just want an exact yak to their particular Like liking every single day And it's like we do What like 10 hours a week every single week
Starting point is 01:34:20 It's always going to be different I liked it I thought it was great Can I ask you something Do you think that people Big Cat Are going to be different. I liked it. I thought it was great. Can I ask you something? Do you think that people, Big Cat, are going to be jealous of Jinx? Oh, I'm sorry. No, there is some jealousy probably. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:34:33 Shout it out. Oh. Shout it out. Oh, nice. That is true friendship. Wow. Wow. Oh, look at this.
Starting point is 01:34:41 You get my back, I get yours. Oh. Oh. Hit. The Titanic. The Titanic. Oh, look at this. You get my back, I get yours. Oh! Hit! The Titanic! The Titanic! It's fucking great! Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 01:34:54 Jiggs, why don't you grab a cocktail? What are those? You squeeze the shark. We put only the half of the shark in. It's grenadine in there. It's a lot of grenadine. Red grenadine. Zask, I want to see you go for the Capri Sun one more time.
Starting point is 01:35:06 No, they told us to show it off. How many shuggies? I think New Amsterdam's in there. Why would you fill up all the way and say only pour in half? Only pour in half the shark. It'll be bitter. We'll taste it. Squeeze the shark.
Starting point is 01:35:20 Half. There you go. Plenty. Right. Science. Hell yeah. Put it in the other one. Put it in the other one. Do we have Portnoy's crazy ass on tomorrow?
Starting point is 01:35:29 Yes. I asked him if he'd come on tomorrow. He said he should be around. I'm out tomorrow. No, you're not out tomorrow. Oh. That was bold, man. Stu, did you have input on the debate yesterday?
Starting point is 01:35:45 I mean, I literally, like, for example, I asked 60 people, all 60 said, no way, no prayer. He's never selling out anything because people like exactly what does he do? He's not actually funny. He does. He's very rich, very good looking. But if he ain't going to show his penis and talk sex stuff, what actually are we talking about here? No one cares about he's going to shred people.
Starting point is 01:36:11 No one cares. But you talk sex, I think he sells the place out in a hot second. Sex sells on any level. And he's the king. He's the greatest bachelor ever. I mean, you know, in reality, he's the greatest living bachelor that people know, I think. And that's the bottom line. And I would like to hear about the conquests.
Starting point is 01:36:33 You know, I mean, I think that sells. Like, how would he describe them? That would be the weirdest event of all time. When I was 14 years old, my virginity was busted. When I was 15 years old, I started banging. When I was 16 years old, I started standing over people's throats. And when I was 18, I was sending dick pics to every woman in the country and had a line out my fucking door.
Starting point is 01:37:01 Shout it out! Did you use a Kodak camera back then? Yeah, there were no phones. No phones. So like for a dick pic, where would you take a Kodak? It was just flashing people. Flashing!
Starting point is 01:37:11 Yeah, in real life. Well, really, his pants are so tight, you pretty much can see every single piece of his cock. I mean, what are we talking? So no chance selling out MSG? No, no, I didn't say no chance. My opinion.
Starting point is 01:37:23 My opinion, yes. I asked 60 people. I asked't say no chance. My opinion, yes, I asked 60 people. I asked eight ticket brokers, because I'm like, I'm going to fucking open for this man. But here's the bottom line. So let's say he sells 12,000 seats, and there's 6,000 left. I asked Sandy. I said,
Starting point is 01:37:37 I'll never let this cocksucker be embarrassed. I'll buy the other 6,000 seats. So there's no fucking... I got a commitment from Sandy that I can spend like 300 grand buying tickets. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm retired now.
Starting point is 01:37:52 She's retired. What if I can do with my money? I'm going to piss it away. I would buy 6,000 tickets for Dave Portner to make sure that motherfucker sells out. Okay.
Starting point is 01:37:58 I'll die before he ever gets married. You didn't think about that, Seth. I'll die before he ever gets married. The argument is settled. Even though the guy wouldn't even hug me and kiss me today. Oh, I know. That was sad. That's sad. I'll die before he ever gets embarrassed. The argument is settled. Even though the guy wouldn't even hug me and kiss me today. Oh, I know. That was sad.
Starting point is 01:38:08 That was sad. Listen, first three years of the show, he hated when I was on the show and I kissed him. He's not a male kisser, for me at least. Who is a male? Have you ever hugged him and kissed him? I kissed him. You're a male kisser? Well, you can show the clips.
Starting point is 01:38:20 I hug and kiss everyone. Show the clip. Dave. I'm old school. I hug you. I kiss you. Dave completely stiff the clip. I'm old school. I hug you. I kiss you. Dave completely stiff-armed. He's very strong.
Starting point is 01:38:28 That stiff arm was strong. That wasn't like a soft strip arm. That was like Stu. It's a man child. It was close to me, and it was a hug. That was a boy. That was great. See?
Starting point is 01:38:38 All right, I love you. How you doing? Good. I, I, look, it's Stu Finer. He's a living legend. He's the source. See, I... Look, it's Stu Finer. He's a living legend. He's the source. See, everybody. Well, yeah, he's the source.
Starting point is 01:38:52 You gotta kiss the source. I'm a hug and kiss guy. That's confidence. Yeah, you are. I always am. Always am forever. Yeah. You know, because whatever, you gotta spread love.
Starting point is 01:39:01 Agreed. If you, like, because a hug and a kiss is very, it's very invigorating, but it's very uplifting. You feel good. Endorphins. Human connection. Exactly. Hugging in the shower. And it's bullshit. Dave's not a male kisser. What a loser.
Starting point is 01:39:15 Have you ever kissed him and hugged him? No. Like literally. No. So when you guys scored out, you made your I guess I've hugged him. You didn't hug him and say thank you. No. He's not a touchy guy. I guess I've... Is that true? He's not a male touchy guy?
Starting point is 01:39:30 No, I've hugged him in like March Madness, like buzzer beater. No, that doesn't count. Yeah, because that's like spur of the moment. No, I didn't. No. Not even just a kiss on the lips? Every now and then I'll like... Stu looks shocked.
Starting point is 01:39:43 If I haven't seen Dave in a while, I'll go to shake his hand. I'm like, why am I doing this? Is that true? Yeah. I know he's not a toucher. That's so wild. I always hug you. No, every time.
Starting point is 01:39:55 I love hugging people. I feel that, you know, that's what I got to give. Love, energy, positivity, you know. Humanity. Winners. Life is so hard. We're all struggling. We all are struggling.
Starting point is 01:40:09 A hug. You know, like, can I give you a hug? Because it really helps life. I don't know. I'm wild. I'm weird like that, but I really believe that. I really fucking believe that. Have you ever had a bad hug?
Starting point is 01:40:20 What were your picks again? Marlins, Phillies, Brewers. Brewers are down 4-1. Who are they playing? The Dodgers. Fuck. What inning? Fifth.
Starting point is 01:40:34 Fuck. At least you remembered the pick. Yes. Fuck. We got to get you back on. You've been cold. That's what you told me. I've been struggling.
Starting point is 01:40:44 All right, but you always bounce back. Yes, no, no, no. The bounce back kid. Can I say something? And you were a witness of it. My August through January football season, college and pro was the best if anyone's ever had ever. It was phenomenal.
Starting point is 01:40:56 You know, I won every week. What was your mortal lock record? 15-4-2. It was insane. 78%. It was insane. So, I mean, the reality was, and Alex said it, he says, God, are we going to struggle during basketball?
Starting point is 01:41:10 Because you can't win for 12 months straight. Nope. The reality is I came back to earth. So, I need to get hot right now. And I have not, because let me tell you something. Favorites have been winning. Yeah, I was going to say that. Every week.
Starting point is 01:41:24 That's why you haven't been winning is because I think favorites are on like a 10-1 run in NBA. It's ridiculous. You just lay the number. You don't even know. I mean, and that's not how I work. I love the Warriors tonight. Laying the number, the big number. I think the Lakers, if they go down 10 early, they're going to pack it in.
Starting point is 01:41:41 I mean, and again, that's an incredibly public play, but it's been winning every day. It's been winning every day, so I can't say no. You know, it's very difficult to take the number right now. Kat, do you think it's a funeral tonight for me? Yes. Yes. I think the Knicks are... Julius Randle is bad.
Starting point is 01:41:59 I feel like they can only get better now. Can I ask you something? When I watch the Miami Heat set up, okay, and they have a plan. Yes. Every possession. Yes. What the fuck is the plan for the Knicks? Give Jalen Brunson, give it to Randall one-on-one,
Starting point is 01:42:15 and if you get stuck, pass the ball. I think the Knicks also struggle in the fact that they're not that good. And they're not that good half-court. Right. They're good breakout, dunk, three, but they're not, listen, they've been exposed. Although, I don't think the Knicks getting
Starting point is 01:42:31 undressed by the Heat is an upset, even though they were favored in the series. That was their when they just pissed on Milwaukee. They just pissed on a real... I agree. Knicks have athletic freaks. Every dude on that team can jump out of the fucking building. Already confirmed that.
Starting point is 01:42:47 Oh, also, Big Cat. Is Quigley playing tonight, by the way? I'm sorry, Jinx. I don't think so. Jesus, that so hurts us. He's playing so badly anyways. It's so... Quigley?
Starting point is 01:42:55 I do want to own... Manuel Quigley. An apology. Manuel Quigley. I forgot about Manuel. And he was great. He was the sixth man of the year, right? He should have won that sixth man of the year award,
Starting point is 01:43:05 and he didn't, but he should have. That's probably what ruined his playoff performance. But on our date... It's Quigs. I very awkwardly turned to Big Cat at one point and was like, so how should we get a picture? Oh, that was bad. That was bad, yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:19 Jenks said at halftime, he was like... I thought Big Cat might never talk to me again because he called me out to my face. Yeah, well, you said it. You were like, well, we need a picture or something for the... Or he's like, how do we get something that we can put in the slideshow? And I was like, dude, if you want a picture, let's do it.
Starting point is 01:43:35 And then I watched the next yak, and he just shitted on me. Oh, I had a great time other than that one moment. Hey, man, that's a weird way to ask for a picture. That was the only... Because we had been sitting together for half a basketball, so it's like, who cares if we take a picture? Yeah, I should have just said, can I take a picture?
Starting point is 01:43:52 Yeah, should we take a picture? To be honest, though, it was real that I needed a picture for the presentation, but you're right, I was using it in a very awkward way. It's just been like, let's take a picture. I'm like, yeah, let's take a picture. This has been a fun night. I had a very fun night. You're a good man.
Starting point is 01:44:04 You just got to ask. Yeah, the Mecca was electric. It was a lot of fun. Look at that. Look at the guys just hanging. Solid picture. I'm like, yeah, let's take a picture. This has been a fun night. I had a very fun night. Oh, man, you just got to ask. The Mecca was electric. It was a lot of fun. Look at that. Look at the guys just hanging. Nick's got his cup of ones right there. Everyone was wondering, like, what is that? Why does Nick have ones in his Pepsi cup? One person was just like, Nick,
Starting point is 01:44:19 is that a cup of ones? I was like, yeah. In the free throw game. It's your problem. problem oh the game's very fun it's it's you have to do so like like he said to you everyone puts in five dollars i play it in baseball too everyone puts in five dollars and you pass the cup for every free throw shooter doesn't matter the team if he makes both you got to put two in if he makes one you put one in if he misses both you get the whole cup and if anyone gets fouled and shoots three and they miss all three, if you're holding the cup, you have to give $100 to everyone.
Starting point is 01:44:49 So you have to imagine the most boring part of the game, Big Cat turns into the most exciting part of the game. And then when they miss the first free throw, you're rooting against your own team. Yeah. Actually win money on this free throw. Yeah. Like they'd miss, like Mitchell Robinson would miss two free throws.
Starting point is 01:45:03 We'd all be like, oh, my God. Yeah, there you go. You get the whole cup. What's going on? Fun. It's fun for baseball, too. All right, should we spin the real wheel? The real wheel.
Starting point is 01:45:12 Yeah. How cold are you right now? I'm fine. You're fine? I can't imagine. It's a little different. I'm honestly, Stu, sorry, I forgot to mention. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:45:23 Stu and I firmly agree, and Stu, correct me if I'm wrong, if we were born in the same era and specifically were at the same age in the 1980s, we would be billionaires. The two of us. Yeah? Power couple. Stu was on the way to being a billionaire, and then the internet happened. He needed me.
Starting point is 01:45:41 Who could have thought that was coming? Yeah. When Stu tells it, it's like the saddest story. Oh, it's brutal. Yeah. It's a hell of a story, though. Internet just took your whole business. Someone's going to have to eat this honey right now?
Starting point is 01:45:52 No, I think we just do it on another episode. Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah, I'm excited about this. Put Brandon and Roan on there, too. Yeah. No, it would be like to start an episode, because it makes no sense to eat it. Probably can't have Kate on there.
Starting point is 01:46:01 Yeah. Yeah, take Kate off. Can I just, if it lands on me, can I just pick who? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Kate, you're so cold all the time. That's why you asked if I'm cold. Yeah, I couldn't handle that.
Starting point is 01:46:11 Are you guys flirting? All right, eliminate me? You just got a family. Who's your white whale outside of this crew to go to a game with? Oh, fucking A. Probably Michael Jordan. I haven't gotten eliminated first in a long time. At Barstool.
Starting point is 01:46:25 Feels good. No, outside of the Yak crew. I mean, obviously, if I could hang out with him, that'd be pretty fucking cool. Rohn's off. Outside of him. I honestly love Barstool. You guys have a lot of really awesome young talent here that generally makes me crack up. So whether it was Tommy, whether it was Keegs, it was Caroline whether you know I tried to yeah DM there is something like about
Starting point is 01:46:50 video guys and behind the scenes guys who were saying I wish I had the opportunity but he would never want to go with me I mean I invited memes I wrote memes DM because he's he picked the Knicks I think to like win the title on a PMT episode in the middle. He's a Knicks fan. But he never viewed it, I don't think. He gets a lot of DMs. I'm sure. But, KB, to your point, yeah, no. I'm not just – You wouldn't take the soul.
Starting point is 01:47:15 You just have to be the – I mean, no. I said you've got to have one person you would want above on this. I'm saying no to the notion that I wouldn't want to go with behind the camera. Oh, yeah, yeah. I love the whole crew. I feel bad that Roman missed the Sixers game last night. Well, not that he missed it, but...
Starting point is 01:47:30 Oh, boy. Chase, Sass, or KB? Eat it. Psychedelic honey. Love it. Psychedelic? Yeah, it's like the Nepalese honey. Oh, no, KB.
Starting point is 01:47:41 I think this could kill Sass. Two more questions. Sass, how are you feeling? Fine. I don't really know what it is. All right, so best to set first one to four. It doesn't have to do it. Makes your brain stem vibrate.
Starting point is 01:47:54 Che is nervous. Oh, is it good for me? Che on the wild, honey. Oh, Che on the mad, honey. The drink is delightful. Yeah. Good drink? Oh, it's like...
Starting point is 01:48:03 Donnie brought it back from Mount Everest. And it's like a... Say it's almost like a psychedelic effect. Not quite, but it makes your body... Donnie took too much and threw up for three hours. One-one? It was like specific bees. Whatever plants they're taking from there,
Starting point is 01:48:18 the honey they make is supposed to like... It's like the only place in the world where the bees make honey like this that makes you like... Two-one sass. You said it just made them burn inside and then vomit. S make honey like this that makes you like. You won, Sass. You said it just made him burn inside and then vomit. Sass, I think you'd enjoy it. It doesn't sound funny.
Starting point is 01:48:29 No. It's terrible. Wait, so it's just natural honey? He said it was like his whole body was full of icy hot. Yeah, it's natural honey. And then he got sick for four hours. I understand why people take it now. It's not like drugs. It isn't?
Starting point is 01:48:40 No, it just might make you feel. It's like a natural. Thanks. Do you have a change of clothes? Yes. Three, two. Came prepared. I even had a change of shoes in case.
Starting point is 01:48:55 I didn't know if we had to shower with our shoes on. I couldn't remember. Jinx even brought some marriage licenses in case anyone wanted to marry to him. I was wondering what that lube was in his backpack. What the fuck is that? All right, Che, mad honey at some point. Tough episode for your boy.
Starting point is 01:49:12 Oh my God. Taking it like a man. Che, I'm so sorry, man. Please do it tomorrow, man. Shout out Zah, by the way. Shout out. Happy birthday, Zah. Talk to Donnie.
Starting point is 01:49:23 I don't think it's that. Zah, is today your birthday, man? Zah, it's your birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. Happy birthday, Zaz. Talk to Donnie. I don't think that's that. Zaz, is today your birthday, man? Zaz, it's your birthday? Yeah, thank you. Happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you. Happy birthday.
Starting point is 01:49:27 What the fuck? Jake's nothing on Zaz's birthday. Nothing for him? That's on me, guys. That's on me. Donnie, is it your birthday today? Yeah, 30 years today. No, it's not my birthday.
Starting point is 01:49:36 Oh, God. It's his birthday. Jesus. When was your birthday? Like last week or two weeks? No, no, no. It was two days after Christmas, December 27th. I saw something. I saw something.
Starting point is 01:49:47 Oh, you saw him saying some other guy had his 50th birthday. Oh, I thought it was him, but I thought he doesn't exist. Oh, yeah, that was yesterday. Oh, I thought that was you. See, I can't read anything properly. I'm 62. The Stu Feiner misinformation machine is so bad. Oh, it's so wild.
Starting point is 01:50:02 So bad. I run to Alex. I'm like, Alex, look what just happened at Barstool. He's like, you're a fucking idiot. Three years ago. Look at the fucking time stamp, you moron. Son calls me a moron five times a day. My wife calls me an idiot five times a day.
Starting point is 01:50:17 It's very fun to watch. Two other questions you said? How much time are you devoting to your abs as far as workouts? And is it more just diet? Good questions. That's one question. No, no, but you're just putting attention on my abs, so it's a good question.
Starting point is 01:50:37 Ten minutes of yoga and stretching, two miles every day, 40 minutes of lifting. I don't like cheese. 40 minutes of lifting. I don't like cheese. 40 minutes of core workout? My only rule in the gym, I can't stand people that are on equipment and not doing anything other than the actual exercise. So my golden rule is you just never stop working. So for 40 minutes, it's not like, oh, I'm hitting these muscles today. You just go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And then.
Starting point is 01:51:00 Eat clean, to answer your question. Then, yeah. Eat squeaky clean. You don't look like this unless you're squeaky clean. He's 8% body fat. I sleep eat, though, so I'll walk around at night and eat Clif Bar. The hell, man. I go to a mess.
Starting point is 01:51:15 Do you actually do it? Yeah, it's terrifying. That's crazy. It's actually quite dangerous, too. Yeah. That's a joke. That's nuts. And your brother.
Starting point is 01:51:23 Oh, yeah. That was him. He did the life of janks yeah stews met him he's um honestly first of all the best big brother in the world love you andrew love you bro um second of all he did world of janks he dropped out of nyu tish as a freshman because he figured if these guys are teaching about how to make movies why aren't they just making movies which was pretty arrogant but he then went and made a movie. And it sold. How did he get into that?
Starting point is 01:51:48 He just always loved making films. Like when we were kids. How did he sell it to HBO? Because it was a good fucking movie. It's called Andrew Jenks Room 335. Oh, this is before the show. He doesn't buy shitty ones. Okay.
Starting point is 01:51:57 That's the good one. Wow. Then he did the Zenobob UV for ESPN. My probably personal favorite one is called Dream Killer. All these things are on the major streaming services. That's a documentary about a guy WBV for ESPN. My probably personal favorite one is called Dream Killer. All these things are on the major streaming services. That's a documentary about a guy that got locked up for 10 years for a murder based on somebody that said it was from a dream. It's a crazy story.
Starting point is 01:52:20 He was in jail, and the only person that didn't give up was his father. And it's the most incredible story, so I would recommend that one too. Dream Killer? Holy shit. Sounds good. And that's all before the show. No so I would recommend that one too. Dream Killer? Holy shit. Sounds good. And that's all before the show? No, this was all after the show. Oh, after the show. Well, one movie was before
Starting point is 01:52:31 and then several after and he's working on some big stuff now. Cool. When did he go to Japan for Bobby Valentine's thing? That must have been about that's when I was living in Italy so like 10-ish years ago.
Starting point is 01:52:42 Nice. He lived in Florence for four years. Wow. That is a crazy story Florence for four years. Wow. That is a crazy story. I just looked it up. It's on Netflix. Yeah. It's on Netflix?
Starting point is 01:52:51 Yeah. It was. I would have to double check. Andrew will probably kill me, but yeah. If it is, it is. It's on one of the major- It might be on Apple TV now and Amazon Prime. Thank you for that.
Starting point is 01:53:02 Yeah. It's a really good one, though, if you're into that sort of stuff. Shit, it's got good ratings, too. No, I'm not lying. It's actually good. I watched that tonight. All right, well, thank you, Jenks. Yeah, thanks, Jenks.
Starting point is 01:53:11 Appreciate it. It's been a joy. Accomplished it. Well done. Have fun with Stu tonight. Stu, thank you for coming. An honor and a pleasure. God bless.
Starting point is 01:53:19 You are the best. We should do a yak at your house. We'll talk about that. Any time, any day, anything. I'm ready. Okay. 7.24. What's the temperature of the pool?
Starting point is 01:53:28 It's a perfect 88, 88, 88, 88. Because last year I went and it was 89. I know because it was super hot outside and it pissed me off. I'm sorry. Oh, you were. I had my cold hoses. Yeah. It was off brand and I was shamed.
Starting point is 01:53:43 Yeah. I was humiliated. And I owned it though. You did. The first thing I said to you.-brand, and I was shamed. Yeah. I was humiliated, and I owned it, though. You did? The first thing I said to you. You texted me, and I thought someone had died. I didn't anticipate it.
Starting point is 01:53:49 You're like, I want to tell you something. I didn't want to break your heart. So that when you get here... I just hear Sandy's voice of, Stu, why is the fucking London fog over our house? It's my brand.
Starting point is 01:54:01 It's 88 degrees, you know? All right. Well, thank you, Jenks. We'll see everyone tomorrow. Maybe Dave on the show. Yeah? All right. Well, thank you, Jenks. We'll see everyone tomorrow. Maybe Dave on the show. Yeah. All right. Oh, sass.
Starting point is 01:54:09 And Che's going to be tripping balls. Yeah. All right. See everyone tomorrow. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We'll be right back. Happy birthday, Zaha. Love you guys.
Starting point is 01:54:57 Thank you. Thank you.

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