The Yak - The King Of New York Returns | The Yak 4-8-22

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

Sas Is BackYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh, it is the Yak. Oh. There's rumors on the streets that the King of New York is back. We're going to make him earn his seat back. He's going to sit over there. We're going to make him earn his seat back.

He'll work his way up. That's Jerry's seat now. It'll be like a game of Mancala. He'll have to come all the way across the board to win. That's Jerry's seat. That's Jerry's performance yesterday. He earned it. He did earn it.

I still don't know what came out of his mouth. That bubble. Was it a bubble? I think you were right with your first instinct. It was poop. Because it wasn't just a bubble. It was shaped like a bubble. But it was like a long bubble.

And bubbles don't get long unless they're inside of you. So if it comes out as a... It looked like a condom filled with poop. Yeah. It was like a condom bubble. It was like a condom filled with poop. I don't know. I don't know.

You know what's a good yak? When, uh. You know what's a good yak? When you go home and you re-watch all the clips like ten times. I re-watched his puke video so many times i don't even know what laugh i did neither hank was right i don't think i've ever heard you laugh as hard as you did and my laugh it sounded like i was like gasping for air and i was like it was like i took a helium balloon and then ran out of breath with with this job there is like a lot of laughing but there's a

hundred percent levels to it like there's things that make me laugh and that thing was like you said squeezing laughter out of me i was fighting to stay alive like it was really like if i had been eating hot dogs i really feel like my heart could have given out the way that i was laughing it was pumping out every single atrium and ventricle. It was just dumping fucking pressure out of my chest. It was insane. It was. God bless Jerry. It was truly.

Jerry, no. What's that bubble up? That one. That. The high pitch. It's not like someone's releasing. No, I can hit that octave. Oh, my God.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got to earn your seat back. Kansas. There it is. Dive right into your own seat. Holy fuck. King of New York. Welcome back.

It's back. New pants, Sass. I had to make you earn your seat back. Yeah, also, did Jerry throw up over there? Yes, he did. He had a legendary performance. Also, I might have some things planned, so you don't want to sit in that seat. All right.

He's about to get slimed. Mm-hmm. How have you been? Got a slime machine. I hope that's not true. Stanko! Stanko! Ass covered for once.

Sass! What's up, dude? You just walked in like you've been... You just walked in the studio like you've been here for three weeks. Yeah, I know. You strolled in like, sorry, I'm a i know like strolled in like sorry i'm a few minutes late guys sorry i'm a few weeks late you didn't make that very under the radar what's up sass he walked in like much like three weeks ago he's like i gotta go grab some cigarettes i'm

right back went to the store yeah he went to the store a long-term store a Give me a little smile. Give me a thumbs up. Can you tell us? You're 21. I am, yeah. Yes. Yes, you're a man now, dude. Case race is 13 days away. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to be here for that. You're going to say that. The 22nd.

And I don't think- 21st. Ron, you're not going to be here either. No, Thursday. Yes, I am. Thursday, I'll be here. The Friday, I have to go away. I'm not going to be here. I'm going to be in Austin.

You motherfucker. That's so dumb. Don't go to Austin Dude I had this planned for like I don't know I'll skip it If I have to Yeah

Yeah Pull out We planned It took a lot of While you have been gone There's been different iterations of the act Yesterday was the hot dog We had a couple days

Where all of us were gone Stephen Che did a great job Holding down the fort Roan was here. It was Roan and Stephen Che, which actually was a great show. What was that? A week ago? Was it earlier this week?

Earlier this week, I think. Monday. I don't even know. There was also a stretch on the Yak where it was like a three-day stretch where all we did was plan. Yeah, I've been keeping... Oh, yeah, that's right. You've been reading the comments. I only did that one day, and I wasn't reading the comments.

The chat is just on the side of the screen when you're watching. You could have, like, zoomed in or something. I'd like to see what the boys have to say. Yeah, but you could have zoomed in and, like, been on the show. They went crazy when they found out I was in the chat. What were they saying? Good ego boost. Fuck yes.

Dude, how's your ego? Is it healed? Is it bruised? Is it in repair? I don't know. Damn. Yeah, tell us everything. Like, who do you, what have you been doing?

What have you, is your mind okay? Yeah, I think it's a little better. Was it just a vacation? It'll slowly go back to where it was, or rapidly. Did you look around and you're like, oh, I could just, I could just say mental health and I could just go on vacation no so i was in because you can because uh you can nobody yeah like grabs this wasn't missed because nobody else is here yeah it's the greatest loophole in 2022 america yeah i was uh not good i was not doing well and then i left abruptly because i was like

i gotta get the fuck out of this city. And then that was when I was like really down bad. He packed everything in his suitcase that he could fit. And he told Tyler Miller and I, he's like, I don't know if I'm going to come back. Oh, wow. Was this Goodwill hunting? Yeah. And then I went home for a weekend and that was nice.

And then I went to New Hampshire for a bit and then I went nice. And then I went to New Hampshire for a bit, and then I went back home, and then I went to Denver for like a week. So do you think that your mental health would have been better if your apartment was a little bigger? No. That's what I said. I think a little bit you're a product of your environment. Maybe. There's like wires that go across your sink in your apartment. You can't rinse off.

The size of our apartment doesn't really bother me at all. If we got you 10 square feet more, do you think your mental health would be better? It depends on where it would go. A window, maybe. Wherever you need it. We have windows. I got a big-ass window. They face like a brick wall.

No, my window looks right out onto the streets of New York. You could see the Freedom Tower from the bedroom window. For real? I could see the, uh... I could see the, uh... That big-ass bitch. What's her name? Betsy Ross? Yeah, Betsy Ross. Yeah, Betsy Ross What's her name? Betsy Ross.

Yeah, Betsy Ross. Yeah, Betsy Ross. Betsy Ross. Betsy Ross. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I love that bitch. So you do feel better?

Yeah. Uh-oh. I guess. That was not a confident yes. I'm working on it. You had these shows, so you had to get back. I have these shows tonight and tomorrow night, so I had to come back. Oh, so you're not back for us.

No, I am. You're back because you have other oblos. You got oblos, so you had to come back. You didn't feel bad about missing the show. No, I felt bad about missing the show. I'm just giving you a hard time, brother. Just breaking your balls. You're 21 now.

You're a fucking man. It's great to see you. Did you get drunk? Yeah, I did. Nice. How'd that feel? Amazing. Yeah. one now you're a fucking man it's great to see it did you get did you get drunk uh yeah i did nice that was it was how'd that feel amazing yeah i actually the only thing i actually cared about was buying um like alcohol for the first time like legally like legally and not having to be like having a panic attack while i'm in the fucking liquor store um it is a liberating feeling to not have uh it's like going through TSA without any weed in your bag. Yeah.

Dude, I got denied the first place I went. Hard. Why? Because in Denver, you can't use vertical IDs. Stanko! Oh, yeah, you were right there facing that way. That's actually, I remember, no, actually, no, I was going to say, I went somewhere where they didn't allow out-of-state, but that was also after I was 25, so it didn't matter.

Yeah, it's like— I think in different stadiums, they won't serve you unless you're over 20, which is stupid. It's like you're 21. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. It's like restaurants that don't take change. It's like, is my money not good here? Is my age not old enough for you?

I'm of the age. It just doesn't make sense. It's like, so I could have come in here and used a fake ID and gotten alcohol, but I'm actually 21 and I can't buy alcohol. That's crazy. Then I went to another place and they gave me a- You can leave it right there. Oh, it's in the shot.

Who cares about the shot? I went to another place after and I used my ID and they scanned it and it gave a little birthday tune on the scanner. No way. That's pretty awesome. That is pretty awesome. I was pretty pumped about that. That made my birthday. Why don't you have a high noon on camera? Yeah. I haven't eaten anything today. I woke up like 10 minutes ago.

Dang. I set my alarm for 8 o'clock. Oh, you're still very down bad then. If you set your alarm for 8 o'clock and you were late for a 1 o'clock show. It's because it's like the hours. Oh, brother, you're depressed. It's two hours behind. No, I'm not.

Oh, brother. I told him, make it red, dude. Little boy. Sleep's just so good and I wish I could last forever. I'm not depressed. I just sleep like 20 hours a day. I didn't. I wanted to wake up early today and I couldn't.

I just can't shower. I just never get out of bed. It was the jet lag. It's totally... It has nothing to do with my mental state. You got a life lag. I just like to lay in my bed all day. I only feel happy when I jerk off 15 times a day.

What was that guy who had the music that was like he literally committed suicide? He writes all the sad songs. Sam Elliott or something? Jeff Buckley? No. It's not Jeff Buckley. Kurt Cobain. No. Elliott Smith? Kurt Cobain? He got killed. Bill Peep?

Elliott something? Elliott Smith. There it is. Owen said that twice. Yeah. You said it? Owen did. My bad. There it is. Owen said that twice. Yeah. You said it? Owen did. My bad. I franked you.

I must have said something. I franked you. There's some conspiracies that his girlfriend killed him. Oh, really? Loosely. It's not. It's just because less than 5%. I mean, his songs are really sad.

His songs make you want to kill yourself. I love his music. Right. Yeah, Bull. Exactly. He's got the whole soundtrack of Big Bull Hunting. Yeah, you know what I mean? Sass.

You see how- Sass is so not depressed. He set his alarm for 8 o'clock to get here to 1. He has some songs that aren't depressing. And loves Elliot Smith. Doesn't find it sad at all. He's got some upbeat tunes. Yeah. Makes you feel like there's somebody else in the trench hole with you.

No, not like that. In the little fox hole with you. Yeah, dude. He's watching Royal Tenenbaums. Bro, you got new pants. You got long pants that zip off into shorts. I've been on my pant game heavy. Yeah?

It's a John Mayer thing, dressing pants out. I've just been on my pants that zip off into shorts. What did your parents get you for your birthday? Pants that zip off into shorts. Nice. Take them down. Go shorts mode. Take the top off.

Hell no, bro. The tops never come off. No, pop it. Pop the top on the Jeep. Pop the bottom on the Hell no, bro. The top's never come off. No, pop it. Pop the top on the Jeep. Pop the bottom on the Jeep. I feel like it's going to be such a pain in the ass. Oh, see? What's the point of having me?

It's good that you haven't changed. Yeah, I don't know why I thought you were a pain. Come back and he's a different guy. Nope. Same guy. Yes. Do this thing. That shit is wavy.

That shit looks dope as fuck. Oh, that does look sick. This is the new style. This is camp, as they would call it. It's also an old-ass style, too. We did that when that shit first came out, bro. I know. I used to when I was in, like, second grade because my mom wouldn't let me wear shorts to school.

Why? Little did she know. She's orthodox. As soon as I was on the bus, these things were getting unzipped. Oh, word? You dropped the bottom? Yeah. That's bad boy life.

Keep that down, dude. I thought it looked nice showing a little leg. We got women followers, too, bro. Show a little ankle. Dude, I met a chick follower out in... At the publicity live show. Oh, yeah, the publicity live show. How'd that go?

It was incredible. I feel like it did awesome. Really nice. It sold out the beacon. Oh, wow. Yeah. I thought it was MSG. No. Oh. It sold out the Beacon. Oh, wow. Yeah. I thought it was MSG. No.

Oh. It's next time, brother. They could have, but they would have had the partition off the sides. You want it back when it's, like, the whole 22,000, including floor seats. I don't even have, like, any ill will whatsoever against publicity. I just like the idea of having foes on this show. And her being a foe of this show is a very funny thing. Oh, yeah. For sure.

Well, she brought it on herself. It's true. She put our name in her mouth. Yeah, she put mustard on our jacket. And for what? Oh, what did you think about Will Smith? Yeah. We talked about that. Oh, the war in Ukraine. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?

What do you got? Talked about that so many times. Yeah. Let's turn on into. The war in Ukraine. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What do you got? Talked about that so many times. Yeah. Let's tune on in to Son of a Boy, Dad. At the Yankees game, they just did the Ukraine national anthem before the... Really? Before. I think it might be our national anthem.

Yeah, that's just show Putin. Yeah, people are pissed off about our national anthem, but they love the Ukrainians. Or whatever. Have you seen the Yankees? The Yankees. I made the Yankee have more famous than the Yankees can. Should we spin the wheel? Matty Dranky.

Oh, sass. That's why we haven't been winning. What if we get a wet wheel on your return? He'll go right back. He'll pick his bindle right back up. You missed slap wheel. I know. I'm happy I missed that.

And hot dog day. Yeah, slap wheel. I know. I'm happy I missed that. And hot dog day. Yeah. Slap wheel's on the wheel now. Really? Yes. At any point, we could slap wheel. Zach needs to add a food to the food wheel. Oh, yeah.

What's your favorite food? What food would you like us to eat? What would you order today? Lobster rolls. Yes. Yes. That's a good ad. Dude, it would be just as good.

That would be awesome if we got that today. What is on it right now? I can't even read ad. Dude, it would be just as good. That would be awesome if we got that today. What is on it right now? I can't even read it. Oh, that's... Tacos, birthday cake. Wait, that was permanent? I thought that that was day by day. No, this is...

That's permanent? This is permanent. Oh, wow. This is secondary wheel to the wet wheel, or to the regular wheel. That's just how I felt that day. Yeah, no, we get to lock these in daily. Yeah, so it's... We can always swap ours out.

Burger King sundae and fries, oxtail tacos, birthday cake, pint of ice cream, Joloff rice? What is that? I don't know. Was that mine? No, that must have been KB's. No, that's mine. What is it?

I thought yours was oxtail. That's me. So it was oxtail with. I don't know why it was put in twice. Uh-oh. Owen had one. Oh, wait. You want to take So it was oxtail with. I don't know why it was put in twice. Uh-oh. Owen had one. Oh, wait. You want to take it?

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. KB, we're going to eat KB. Can mine be switched to pierogies for today? Ooh. That would be funny if we did a... From a selko? If we actually did cannibalism.

You got to go to Baba's. Everyone has to bite just a small piece of KB. Just a pound of flesh. Yeah, if we just skinned his. And we like givey it up. Yeah, like maybe like a cheese grater on his hand. Or like who among us could sustain a little bit of like flesh being lopped off of them? Brandon's calves.

Oh, yeah. No, they're too skinny. Oh, they're too muscly. Too skinny, dude. Too muscly. They always got fucking cramps and shit. Yeah, they're dehydrated. It's like dehydrated. He's got sous videly. He's skinny, dude. Too muscly. They always got fucking cramps and shit. Yeah, they're dehydrated. It's like dehydrated.

He's got sous-vided calves. They're jerky. Yeah, he has bill-tongued calves. He cut into it and it's just jerky. Yeah, that's gross. Frank, on the other hand, little pork belly. Little pork belly off Frank. You put a pound of fresh, score it.

If he cut a piece of Frank off, he wouldn't even know. Where is Brandon? He's sick. Oh, I forgot, yeah. In the head of Frank off, he wouldn't even know. Where is Brandon? He's sick. Oh, I forgot, yeah. In the head. Yeah, he's on a mental health. Yeah, we quickly realized that me, Ronan, Owen, and also Stephen Chay, because Stephen Chay's unflappable, are the mental alphas of this show.

Most mentally tough guys. Makes sense. We will just deal with something being wrong until the grave. If something's bothering me in life, I will just quote tweet someone with zero followers and feel instantly better. Fuck you, you fucking idiot. You fucking loser. I don't know what we go through.

I feel good. I'll just focus on, I'll get high as fuck and really focus on the Eagles draft. I'll feel way better about myself. We all have our ways. I'll scout a fucking Ohio State wide receiver or something like that. I'll try way better about myself. We all have our ways. I'll scout a fucking Ohio State wide receiver or something like that. I'll try to win a bet. Oh, yeah.

That's way better. You instantly feel better. Even just saying it, I feel better. Yeah, I do too. I just let myself feel all of it. Yeah. You just carry the world's burden. You're kind of like Jesus Christ.

It's behind your eyes, though. Thinking about downloading the sports book. Jumping out the sides. Oh, because you're 21. Oh, yeah. Oh. yeah. Oh. No. That would actually be an incredible story arc if SAS became a gambling sharp.

I couldn't do that. Why? The way that I handled the stock situation with GameStop. Oh, you're such a pussy. You had the opposite of diamond hands. I don't think I could do sports betting. I consumed you for like two full days. I didn't sleep.

But the content that came out of it, think about the sports betting content that you could make if it was just every single day was you fucking laughing. I literally was. I fell asleep with my laptop open on full brightness of just my Robin Hood. You got like a lot older looking that week. Yeah. You should do, you should do like, if I were someone who was trying to get into gambling first and like, like as content, I'd deposit a hundred dollars and every day do a $1 parlay.

Yeah, that could be fun. For a hundred days. Yeah. Just be like, see what happens. I would bet on the Masters because I actually like enjoy golf. And you know the game. Yeah. You know the game. As a golfer. As a former golfer. I've studied the game. Except I can't golf. And you know the game. Yeah. You know the game.

As a golfer. As a former golfer. I've studied the game. Except I don't know any of these people. Oh. They're all my problem. So what do you know about the game then? I knew it like-

What about this? There we go. Tiger. Tiger. Tiger Woods. Dustin Johnson. Dustin Johnson. No Morikawa?

No. What? I haven't watched it in a couple years. Well, you don't know anybody. I was talking to some kid in Denver about it though and I knew everything. You just know what a straight shot is? No. What? I haven't watched it in a couple years. Well, you don't know anybody. I was talking to some kid in Denver about it, though, and I knew everything. You just know what a straight shot is? You mean like the vocab of the sport?

I knew all the big boys. Like? Say five to ten. Dustin Johnson, Jordan Spieth. Oh, you're in 2015. Yeah, I must be. Yeah. There's Spieth. There's Spieth, 24th.

He's coming. Patrick Reed is... Spieth sucks now. He's at 24th right now, bro. We were talking about Patrick Reed. My friend's sister's roommate is Patrick Reed. Say that again? My friend's sister's roommate. Okay, sure. It's related to Patrick Reed. Oh, wow. Like a cousin? No, brother. Your friend's... Friend's sister's roommate's brother is Patrick Reed. Your friend's... Friend's sister's roommate's brother is Patrick Reed. Your friend's sister's roommate's brother is Patrick Reed.

It's not that weird if I was just like... If I said she was my... Like, my friend's sister was my friend. So I'm like, oh, my friend's roommate knows Patrick Reed. Your friend's sister... Friend's roommate... You're not friends with the sister. I know her.

So you know someone who's roommates with someone who knows who knows oh no no yes yes yes related to how related direct blood siblings cousin no siblings siblings patrick reeds how is patrick reeds brother or sister living with roommates dude one of They were roommates in college. How long ago was this? Probably like two years ago. Okay. So could you get in touch with them if you needed to?

With Patrick Reed? Yeah. No. It's on the golf course. Busy today. Could you get in touch with the roommate? Probably. All right, let's try it.

Let's try it. Let's try it. Well, no, that would not. No. No, I couldn't. Yeah, no, that would not. No. No, I couldn't. Yeah, well, text a friend and be like, how do you know Patrick Reed again? But I had this conversation literally two days ago. Not on the yak.

All right, I'll text right now. How crazy is it that now you can get legally baked off weed? Yeah, that's true. You can do that, too. I'm not doing that. I'm not living it. You can buy Coke legally. Mm-hmm. You can do that too. I'm not doing that. You can live in it. You can buy coke legally. You can get a prostitute legally. I don't want to ask

because I just explained it. You can crash a car legally. Crash, but not rent, but you could crash. Yeah, no, no renting yet. One thing you can rent, just you have to pay a shitload. Certain states maybe. Denver. Also, big news,

the DAZN fight. Oh, yeah. So sick. That's going to be fucking sick. When is it? May 7th. Shit. May 7th. We're going to be in Vegas. It's going to be

basically a rough and rowdy call. You've got to buy our link to get our broadcast, but it's going to be basically a rough and rowdy call. You've got to buy our link to get our broadcast, but it's going to be basically the whole rough and rowdy crew doing a Canelo pay-per-view from Vegas. That sentence doesn't make sense. Yeah, it's crazy. There's going to be some bonus content involved

with it, obviously, to fill out a nice broadcast, to make it nice and dynamic. We're going to have their feed, so it's impossible to have technical difficulties. I'm gonna knock on wood because I don't know if that's true because Pete's running it. But it's gonna be a fucking

Barstool Curse. The fucking Barstool Curse. All the fucking cameras are just gonna explode. It's gonna be like Ocean's 12. There's gonna be a pinch. Isn't that what happens in Ocean's 12 there's going to be a pinch isn't that what happens in Ocean's 12 yeah no spoilers

but like all Vegas the whole all Vegas's electricity goes down yeah we should do that we should shut off the power grid we should do a heist

in the middle of it and turn that into content oh damn I never see that coming actually had a moment today where I'm pretty sure the people at the bank thought I was about

to rob the bank it was awesome I walked in a moment today where I'm pretty sure the people at the bank thought I was about to rob the bank. It was awesome. I walked in the bank today. Well, no, I walked in the bank and I had a hoodie on. You had to do like the face covering. Yeah. So I had it in my pocket and it was one of those like black sleeves. It wasn't like a mask.

So I pulled out the black sleeve and started to pull it over my face. And the two people standing there like, whoa. And then I pulled it down in front of my mouth. And then one of the guys was like, you don't have to wear a mask. So I think he was pretty sure I was going to rob the bank. His gun was drawn on you. It was thrilling. Take your mask down. It respected me. Does it make you want to kind of rob something? Yeah. In a different life. It would be so sick to just like have it set up where you can try to rob a bank

but there's no crime committed. Because you're, yeah. That's actually an awesome idea. Yeah. Like an escape room. Yeah, they make escape rooms. Why don't they make crime rooms?

You know, there's an escape room like on our block. There's one right around the corner. And we, TJ, can we see if they'll let us do a whole episode from there?

That would be hilarious. All right. That's such a good idea. Can you help with that, too? Yeah, there's, like, demo rooms and stuff like that where you just, like, break up. No, I want escape room. I want all of the yak inside an escape room.

If we can get, like, the cameras and shit, that would be... Do you know what an escape room is? Yeah, you have to solve a riddle together. Yeah, okay. Because it's not, like, a fast-paced thing. It's, like, a one-hour, like... But that's perfect.

Oh, one hour? that's perfect oh one hour weird yeah I got a fair point Steven just wanted us to go to a demo room and like break a yeah no it would be very funny

he would do incredible with it I think Brandon would break down I could see Brandon like freaking out in that situation he would just sit he's mentally weak right it's a big teamwork

Brandon's such a pussy it's more of a like who can solve a riddle? I think if there's, like, one or two people that's just, like, solving the riddles or, like, getting the clues of what's going on. Yeah, like, Rowan would solve it in, like, three minutes and then just try and throw us all off. Yeah, just not give it to us, the answer. I think that being a criminal mastermind would be sweet because I feel like most criminals are idiots. And so like somebody who just has like a little like you have a semblance of of being smart. You know what I mean?

You're you're a smartish guy. Smart adjacent. Smarter than most criminals like they're fucking idiots. You're street smart. I was born on the street. You could just rob a bank or you could just fucking do a light heist. Yeah. It's a shame that the fucking things that take enough capacity to break the law are illegal. Yeah, no, you're right.

I think that if we put our brains to it, we could successfully pull off a bank robbery. Yes. You guys ever seen Hell or High Water? Yes. Very good movie. Very good movie. If you guys knew your heart was going to stop tomorrow, would you do something like rob a bank? No.

No. No, that would suck. Then you'd spend your night in jail. stop tomorrow, would you do something like rob a bank? No. No. No, that would suck. Then you'd spend your night in jail. Your last night on earth would be the opposite. You wouldn't have any use for the money. You would want to do something with the money you have already. I guess. Rob a bank would be really cool.

What would you do? If you were going to die the next day? If your heart was going to stop? I mean, there's not really much you can do. It's like already one o'clock. Yeah. You slept the whole day. I'll, there's not really much you can do. It's like already 1 o'clock. Yeah. You slept the whole day. I'll just do the show that I have to do tonight.

Yeah, like part of me is like, I'd make a huge bet. Like, how would I get the money out to make the huge bet? Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, the wiring is going to, we won't be able to wire the money until Monday. Like, oh, shit. Do you even feel the bet? There's no, there's no. Oh, it'd be fun to give them. Yeah, last through. Your final through. Would you even feel the bet? There's no, there's no,

yeah. Last through your final through one last game of the year. Game of the lifetime. Do it. Do go skydiving, Rocky mountain climbing. Those 6.7 seconds on a horse named Fu Manchu. I'm sure like that. I'm happy.

You're back. Sass. Thanks. Missed you. And I, I hope you know that me, uh, busting your balls about mental health is just that. Cause I don't know how to deal with it. All right. Okayed you. And I hope you know that me busting your balls about mental health is just that because I don't know how to deal with it.

All right. Okay, cool. High five. I'm admitting my own flaws here. I'm being human. This is a human moment. It's tough because you need to be able to joke about everything. Yes.

There's nothing that you're like, oh, you're not allowed to joke about that, but it's like, what's the right joke? I do take it seriously. I did check in on you. You did. And so I do take it seriously, but I also have a hard time taking it seriously because I don't know. It's kind of gay. I can't understand it yet.

I'm just kidding. It's not gay. You would just hit me up and be like, hey, we're going to dock your pay in like a couple weeks. Hey, buddy, how would having zero dollars do for your mental health? Because that's about to happen. Do you put it on Dave a little bit that if he had just given you that raise that you would ask for? A hundred percent.

Yeah. Because you would have a bigger apartment. Yeah. No, that's not. Oh, it's a hundred percent Dave's fault. Yes. But he did wish you happy birthday, though.

He did. It was awesome. And he toyed with you like a little cat and mouse game. He played with his food. And then with two minutes left on your birthday, he wished you one.

I picture you and your boys like at the bar like. I was like, I was like, I was like, oh shit, Dave just wished me a happy birthday. And my buddy like, he was like, he's like,

that's, he's like, you're such a loser. He was. I was like, bro, Dave Portnoy just wished me a happy birthday. And my buddy, he was like, he's like, you're such a loser. He was. I was like, bro, Dave Portnoy just wished me a happy birthday. My boss. That's amazing. Dave has created an environment where people are just super excited about

just interacting with him. I mean, next year I'll get to follow back. He's like an abusive dad. He's withdrawn love for so long that if you just get a taste of it, you have Stockholm Syndrome. Jerry, what's up, my dad? He had to because I was ratioing his ass like crazy. That's true. No matter what he's doing.

Jerry's here. We know we've got to bring more awareness to the people smoking crack and doing heroin. Why? You know, people are mean. They don't like crackheads and heroin addicts. What do you mean? Who doesn't? You don't like them. You don't like them. You don't like them. You don't like them. You don't like them. You don't like them. You don't like them. You don't like them. You don't like them. They don't like crackheads and heroin addicts. What do you mean? Who doesn't? You don't like them.

You know, people. Who doesn't? I love addicts. Police? Yeah, police definitely don't like them. They should like them, though. I love them. Why?

I feel like they give them a lot of room. They cut them some slack. Yeah. Yeah. I would say they favor them. Why? Why? What are you talking about?

No, you're right. I got caught with a crack pipe once and he let me go. Really? Yeah. What'd he say? He didn't find any drugs, so he just, he didn't, you know. So he had nothing. Smash it like Dog the Bounty Hunter?

Well, they're metal, so. They took it away. I don't know if they smash it or not. They're metal. You can't really smash it. Glass, glass, glass, glass. Oh, dude. You're a noob.

Metal. I've never seen a metal crack pipe. Way to show your ass, Roan. I've never seen any crack pipe. I've smoked out of it Jerry, I got you a gift A gift? I got you a gift for your performance yesterday

Don't tell me it's a hot dog, bro I got you a nice gift Whoa Yes Holy fuck, is this Cartier? You went fucking all out yesterday Cartier You went all out yesterday

Dude, is this a sentence? Is this a sentence? You went all out yesterday I appreciated, yay. I went all out yesterday. Dude, is this a sentence? Is this a sentence? You went all out yesterday. I appreciated that. Yankees losing 3-0. They suck. Jerry. Who hit a home run?

I don't know. It wasn't Judge's broke ass. No. Did Devers hit a home run? Yes. Why? Why? Why?

Devers hit a home run. Yes, Jerry. Yes. Plus 350. Yes, Jerry! Yes! Plus 350! Yes, Jerry! Everything's coming up. I want to take a picture. We were talking about the...

Hold it up, hold it up, hold it up. We were talking about all the colognes yesterday. I wore a special cologne, and today I wore the wood. The Tom Ford wood. Is it good? I think my cologne showed up. He said it wasn't strong enough. Yeah, you only probably sprayed it like once or twice.

Dan, you sure? Yes. You were fucking, you were the king yesterday, dude. You were incredible. Cordier, brother. Yes, dude. Damn. That's good.

You were awesome yesterday. I always reward my guys when they step up. You know what's crazy? We were at the desk yesterday. I'm like, dude, what the hell did you get from Cordier? He's like, oh, Eric got me sunglasses. I was like, bingo. Bingo.

Come on. Fucking asshole. Oh, man. It fits so perfectly in there. He's an asshole. Take a bite. Take a bite. Yeah, take a bite. Yeah.

Take a bite, Jerry. Take a bite. That's awesome. Yeah. I got that for you. Can I give you a little? Can I say one other thing? No.

I might have also gotten you an actual present underneath your chair. The real present is underneath your chair. Serious? Yes. Yes. That was The real present is underneath your chair. Serious? Yes. Yes. That was the joke present. That was great. Can we clip that, Steven?

I got you a real present underneath your chair. Oprah style. Oh, yeah, baby. You get some cards. Look at the hot dog. It's a hot dog. It's another dog for the dog boy. Special guy.

A special guy. You know how sometimes people put just like a ticket to something expensive in a big box? Yeah. I think it's a big gift, but it is. It's a ticket. Yeah, yeah. Hers wasn't. It was a hot dog.

It's awesome how perfectly it fit in the box. I know. Cartier, if they had any sense, would make hot dogs. Oh, man. It's awesome how perfectly it fit in the box. Cartier, if they had any sense, would make hot dogs. They'd make like a $400 hot dog. I can't believe Steven ate 10. 10 and a quarter. How are you feeling, Steven? Did you throw up?

Oh, and Teddy still hasn't pooped. No barf. I've pooped a lot, but no barf. Didn't eat dinner last night. Just very bloated, very, very phlegmy. Uncomfortable, but today I'm back. Okay. There's a lot of phlegm that comes from it.

Isn't that interesting? I'm starting to think. Oh, and I have a dog. Oh, and I have a dog. I'll have a dog. Jerry, Jerry, fix it up for him. Yeah, fix it up. Oh, gross.

Make sure you get that on camera. You're going to see how he fixes it up again. We've debated before if smoothie is poop or pee. I think hot dog becomes boogers. Oh, yeah, it is boogers. Well, because the other parts of the... Home run. Oh, another one? Rizzo.

Oh, nice. Rizzo. Yizzo. Are you passing that hat? Yizzo for Rizzo. Oh, what the hell? There's another dog in there. What are you doing? Oh what the hell There's another dog in there I put hot dogs everywhere That's it I'm all out of dogs

So you say So you say Until you open up the ceiling And there's a fucking dog under one of the ceiling tops. I also got to tell you one other thing, Jerry. I came in before the show started and I rubbed one of those hot dogs all over your microphone. You didn't smell the dog? It's probably because you're the 100K because you're that gold brick on.

Dude, you can't escape the dog. That Tom Ford Tuscan leather on. Drowns out the dog. That Tom Ford Tuscan leather on. Oh, man. Drowns out the dog. King of hot dogs. People were saying this. Dude, I almost shaved last night. I swear.

I know. That text you sent me was very funny. What do you mean you almost shaved? I was just stuck. My mustache was smelling like hot dogs. The musk stash. Damn. That was funny, though, man.

I really thought it was the glasses. Because, like two days ago, right? Yeah. I was like, what the hell did you get from Cartier? Yeah, I got glasses. Eric got me glasses. Oh, look at that. See, Sass is back.

Yeah, I was vacation good What No you were In Colorado no Yeah I was It was nice He was on mental health He was on mental health I didn't know I'm sorry

No no It's okay He's on mental health vacation so What just happened in there Did he just hit someone Did someone die Did someone pass out or something or i mean no disrespect if they did that was either phlegm the phlegm happened quick yeah it did yeah phlegmed up

i don't know what that was but i want to see it some guy just went down in the crowd it's just no good but there's probably a bunch of doctors there, luckily. Yeah, get them a pimento cheese. Stuff them with pimento cheese. Get them the pimento. Oh, man. That's the sandwiches they have there? Yeah, the pimento cheese. You know, the best is the... Can you find the master's menu real quick, TJ?

Oh, wait, we haven't spun the wheel. Holy shit, that's how you forget. Have you ever been? No, I'd love to go. That'd be awesome. Have you? No. Sass, you should do That'd be awesome. Have you? No. Sass, you should do some golf content, bro.

My favorite. Golfed for the first time in like three years. On your vacation? Right when I got home. Played with my dad. Nice. Played with my pops. Was it Winter Rules?

No, it was Nice As Fuck Out. Oh. I love Winter Rules where it's like all the, like you can just put the ball wherever you want. I smoked them. I played with my dad and my sister, or my cousin's boyfriend. Oh. I whooped both of them.

Your cousin's boyfriend's roommate's. My cousin's boyfriend's roommate's sister. Oh, here it is. This is the, yeah, the pimento cheese 150. I love when they post this and everyone goes crazy for it. And they're like, look at the prices at the Masters. You could eat like anything for $20. I think it's cost like $10,000.

Really? Is that much? I didn't know that. To get in is so much money. And they're like, the food should be inclusive. It's incredible. Who can go of who can afford it? Yeah, right. These are the best prices ever.

No, but I think the Falcons did something like that. I think their food is very, very cheap. They did. I can't remember what. Because it's dog food. Chick-fil-A. No, I think it's good food, Seth. Oh, I think, yeah.

No, I think they did, like, basically however much it cost to make. An anti-stadium because the stadiums are so bloated, so they did something a little bit more affordable, which is nice. Speaking of nice, what's that drink? Well, I get the, it says venti, peach, green tea, no lemonade, but they ran out of green tea. Are there rose petals in there? What's that? Strawberries?

Strawberry Akai. Oh, shit. That shit looks delicious. How much is that drink? Is it 10 bucks? I don't know. I got the rewards. Oh, nice.

Reward yourself. No, sometimes they give you a free drink. Is that when you do that drink? You only do that drink when you get the rewards? No, I sometimes get it. I get it sometimes. But like today, I had the rewards, so I was like, yeah, I get it. Fuck it.

Oh, yeah, here's the Mercedes-Benz. Oh, they didn't. Hot dog's $1.50. Burgers, they only cut off 50 cents. Owen's right, too. They have a Chick-fil-A, but it's not open during Falcon's Day. On Sundays, yeah. Damn.

That's dumb. Maybe like a Thursday night it'll be open. So they didn't really cut the prices that much. I can't see how much they do it, Dan. It's like a burger went from $8 to $7.50. A popcorn went from $5 to $4.50. The only thing they cut was the- $5 is cheap, though, for a popcorn.

I feel like they could charge $8 or $10. Maybe they're getting cheaper as the years go on. That would be good. The slash-off doesn't make it look good. Yeah. The new price. They should do that, though. They should have, like, a beer starts at $8,

and it goes up $1 for every win and down $1 for every loss. Because you would pay more if your team was really good. That's incredible. That's like a minor league promotion. That's genius shit. Yes. Like the stock market bar. Yeah.

They had one of those in Madison. It was sick. What is a stock market bar? It's basically like you go up and you buy it and the more people that, like if you go up and you're like, oh, I'm going to buy some Blue Moon.

Buy a Blue Moon and if enough people buy the Blue Moon, the price goes up and then so you watch it all night. It's like, oh, shit, Rumpelmintz shots are on sale. Nobody's getting White Russians. Yeah, like, oh, let's go buy low.

It's pretty fun. That's awesome. They also had... In Barcelona, I had 15 tequila chocolate milks. Ooh. It was great. That is great. They were 50 cents each.

That does not sound good. You gotta buy low. Oh, did you hear how cheap it was? Anything sounds good when it's that cheap. You buy them and then you resell them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's a runoff.

There's a rhyme in there all of a sudden. Doc X. That's what they do with the oil. Sell them to homeless people outside for 75 cents. Do you think you eat better being homeless or in jail? No disrespect to anybody. Homeless. Jail. Homeless. You think so? You eat better? Yeah jail? No disrespect to anybody. Homeless. Jail.

Homeless. You think so? Yeah, homeless, you have all the options. But at the same time, though, like a plate of food, I saw a homeless dude eating a plate of food today, and it was like, it made me think how hard it was for him to probably get that plate because it's like a $10 plate of food. It's just like a plate.

It's not as hard as you think. Really? No, like what I would do is late, once they're about to shut down, just go in. Caesars? You ever hear of Little Caesars? They've given me a bunch of stuff before. Really? What do you say?

Just like I'm struggling, down on my luck. I'm homeless right now. Is there anything you guys can do? Get me something to eat? Nine times out of ten, especially during the closing time. Yeah, because they're going to throw it out. They're going to throw a bunch of stuff out, so you just get it. Yeah.

I feel like pizza is also like dollar slices is like pizza, like you can make a dollar, like panhandling, and then just like spend it on that. But like what if you want to venture outside of pizza? Like how hard is it to get something that's like a little bit more well-rounded or a more wholesome meal? I don't think if you're homeless, you'll be having sushi and stuff. But just a plate from a food truck or something like that with some rice and meat on it or something. Yeah, probably a little bit harder.

I had a buddy in college who when they were Qdobo, they had Qdobos, which I don't know, do they still exist? Yeah, they're good. Queso is good. Yeah, he walked by, and the truck was out front, and he just took like 500 tortillas off the back of the truck, which now that I'm saying it out loud, it's definitely just robbing.

Yeah, yeah, but corporation, though. You rob a corporation. We just had tortillas in our house for like a year. It was awesome. A fat stack of them? Yeah. The other bar promotion that i always loved in madison they had flip night so you go up and flip a coin if you call it correctly you get

half off holy shit so but like then the stakes get raised because you're if you're with like a group of friends yeah it's like all right this rounds on me and you go up and you lose that's awesome yeah that's more bars should do that. Yeah, promotions. Sweet-ass promotions. Yeah. What do you think about this? I have a question for you guys. There was a bar in my hometown that they did a closing for. They shut down. They were closed for about, I'd say about a year.

They opened up for one day. Ooh. And then they did like a goodbye party. What do you think about that? What do you mean? So they were closed? They shut down, yes. COVID? I'm pretty sure COVID had something to do with it. Got it. And then they do like one last hurrah?

Yeah. I like that. Cash grab. Yeah. Like what is the government going to come get the taxes from one day? Probably get it all cash only or something? Yeah, cash only. I like that. You you do that's smart yeah why not i'm just curious on the way out no because i know i read an article and like some people were hating saying now like you were closed for a year why would you do this and

like i don't know like people just trash yeah i guess you know if it's a bar people are regulars at sass one of my boy mike one of my boys mike was saying that that's what you need you need a bar where you're just like a regular at, like a bar where everybody knows your name or something like that. You just go in. It's just like, hey, Sass, just a neighborhood dive-y type spot. Or a bar that no one knows your name, but they'll never ask. Like a dusty old tavern.

Like the gay bar next to us. Yeah, why not? Yeah, you could go to the gay bar right next to us. You turned 21, right? I did, yeah. That's awesome. Tuesday. Yeah, why not? Yeah, you could go to the gay bar right next to us. You turned 21, right? I did, yeah. That's awesome. Tuesday. Just go to a bar.

One of my favorite, I think I've said this before, but one of my favorite things to do is, and I haven't done it in a very long time, I have kids, but like going to a bar late on a Sunday night is like stealing time. Yeah.

You're not supposed to be there. Yeah, it feels like fake. Yeah, and there's like no one else there. You're just like, this is pretty cool. Also, the people who are there are like awesome. Alcoholics, yeah. Yeah, it feels like fake. Yeah, and there's like no one else there. You're just like, this is pretty cool. Also, the people who are there are like awesome. Alcoholics, yeah. Yeah. Alcoholics are awesome.

Awesome. Good stories. Great stories. Bar flies. Oh, we gotta spin the wheel. We almost forgot. Is this how it happened on Monday? No, we didn't even talk about it. We brought it up. It was just a lot of movie pieces. Again, that's on me. No, that's alright. Conversation was so fucking good. We made it work. It's on me, No, that's all right. Conversation was so fucking good.

We made it work. It's on me, Steve. Did he? Oh, no, 141. This is his first shot today, right, Tiger? Yeah. Nice. Also, there is an escape room, like a 10-minute walk from here.

They have nine different teams. Dude, there's one literally right on the corner right around here. Yeah, there's one like not even a one-minute walk from here. I think we're going to add that to the list. I think that would be a hilarious thing to do. Yeah, it would be awesome. And if we can figure out how to do it ourselves, we could also add it as part of Idol Week.

Yeah, either that or that could be like a prerecorded episode. Yes, yes. Oh, yes. All of a sudden. Yes, there we go. TJ, boom. Fuck yes, TJ. Not a good start for Tiger.

That is definitely what we gotta do Is do a pre-recorded That we can We can keep in the bank Tiger We got this fucking team What? This team

Feels good We win We're doing that on In Chicago too Escape room? So we can Uh no Pre-recorded

Yeah for that Wednesday So next week No two weeks from now Yeah We'll be It'll be the majority of the show Will be in Chicago So we're gonna do a show On Tuesday live And then we we'll also tape an extra show that we'll run on Wednesday.

When will we tape that? Right after. Tuesday? Yeah. From Chicago. Yeah, because that way, because I think people are traveling on Wednesday, no one has to stress to get back. Yeah, we'll just do a two-hour yak. And just chop it.

Yeah, chop it up. Maybe switch our seats for our show. Holy fuck. Yeah, we'll just do a two-hour yak. And then just chop it. Yeah, chop it up. Maybe switch our seats for our two. Holy fuck. Yeah, new outfits, costume change. We could think of something fun to do for our two for that Wednesday show. Some kind of something. Get some Chicago guys on. Yeah, for sure.

White Sox Dave's my guy. I love White Sox Dave. Shout out to White Sox. They got their opening day today. Just want to say shout out for that. Cubs had the best record in baseball for a couple hours there. No big deal. Jerry, everything's good between you and Chicago, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Why? They just, you know, they just There was a little kerfuffle. What happened? Nah, you know, I kind of went after their quarterback. Then, you know, it's like you know, they started snapping. They started saying crumbs. I gotta say though, the woman last know, I kind of went after their quarterback. Then, you know, it's like, you know, they started snapping. They started saying crumbs.

I got to say, though, the woman last night, she was being, she was joking. Yeah, I beg to differ. Okay, all right, so there we go. You know. Again, I'm not going to tell Jerry how to do his job because he is a loose cannon, and loose cannons fire. Yeah, I mean, listen. One thing, like, you know, I don't want to say it

because I don't want to get fired here. Write it down. Don't say it. Write it down, maybe. That's a good idea to not say it. Just whisper it into the mic. Don't say it. I'm not going to say it.

If you whisper it, you won't get fired. Don't do that, Sassy. Literally, this is the man who gave out his credit card on air. Just know, you know, for the city of Chicago, it's going to be a very long year. Keep saying that. I don't know what it means. Very, very long. Until football season, everything's okay.

Like I said with Dan. Dan, we're text friends. We're friends, you know, now. Oh, we're just text friends? We're friends. We text. You called him text friends earlier. You led with that.

You've been in my home. I know, but we're friends up We're friends. You called a text friend. You've been in my home. I know, but we're friends up until the season. Jerry said that he can't wait. He's like, I'm going to make sure the Bears only win six games. I was like, I think the Bears are going to probably only win six games on their own. You don't need to get involved in this.

Maybe he will, though. They're bad. There's a bad franchise. I know. You can't curse something that's cursed. I know. Why does your fan base why do you guys talk to me like you guys are an 11 or 12 team? I don't think anyone sucks.

But I have no other Eddie asked me to go on a Dave Portnoy show I said I respectfully decline. Which is a power move. I don't know if that's necessarily for Eddie. He asked me to go on a Dave Portnoy show. I said I respectfully declined. Which is a power move. It is a power move. I don't know if that's necessarily for Eddie. No, no. I guess he was the one who asked me, though.

Yeah. No, that's a power move. But, you know, I really don't got much to say to the city of Chicago other than, you know. Watch out for the season. You know, when the season starts. Our team might suck. Be ready. You know, because it'll be a very, very sad story for the city of Chicago,

you know, when Mitch Trubisky goes to the playoffs. Oh, yeah, Jerry tried to ban me from rooting for Mitch. You can't do that. Is he banned? I'm going to root for Mitch whether you like it or not. Oh, good. He'll root for Mitch. Good.

But, you know, there's – What happens if Justin Fields doesn't work out? Oh, it's going to be miserable. No, but I'm saying then it's not really the beef with the Bears or Chicago. Like, then it will be over. You know, I was thinking about that, too. You know, I think I'll always have a little grudge towards him. Okay. I think I will.

Sass, you know what happened with Justin Fields? No. Oh, you don't know anything? No. Show the picture. Yeah, there's the picture right there. Explain, Jerry. So, Sass, I was at an event, right?

I was a very, very important person at the event. And, you know, it was an event. People pay, you know, money for their ticket to get in line and get an autograph. I'm not going to say who. Somebody, an athlete in the NFL, paid $1,500 for me to get a VIP pass. Damn. Prominent athlete. Very prominent athlete.

For me to go in the back and get VIP access, autographs and pictures back there. And let's just say Justin Herbert Salt of the earth type of guy Devontae Smith salt of the earth type of guy Rod Woodson Good guy What does he have to do just take a picture You know little conversation

Picture Nick Bosa salt of the earth Autographed jersey Herbert autographed jersey The Chicago Bears quarterback treated me very, very, very bad. He took a picture with you. You know, they say the saying, a picture says a thousand words. It looked nice. Look.

He does look angry. You guys look so happy. Oh, you look angry too Makes you think Would love to hear Justin Fields side of the story What happened So I respectfully Herbert and all those guys great

And then I asked Justin Because he was walking by me And Hey Justin would you mind a quick picture I gotta roll the eyes And a sure, I guess. Which was, you know, it wasn't good. You're not going to forget something like that. No.

This is something that he will hold on to for the rest of his life. Yeah. Ask Kevin Conley. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jerry tried to threaten me with that. He's like, you heard about Kevin Conley, right? I was like, yeah. That's what it's going to be like. Yeah, Jerry tried to threaten me with that. He's like, you heard about Kevin Conley, right? I was like, yeah. That's what it's going to be like.

Yeah. Kevin Conley was an entourage. He was one of the dudes from Entourage. He played E. Owes me $35,000. That's a little different than just being like, yeah, I guess I'll take a picture. Yeah, I know, but people don't understand. When they sign their contracts, that's part of their job.

They have to do these events. Right, but this was backstage, and you were there for free. I was probably one of the most important people there, yes. Yeah. You know? It was backstage. It wasn't part of the thing he was actually there to do. Yeah, but in the back is also, you have to do stuff like that. Yeah.

Maybe his day was over. Doesn't sound like it. Not if you had an unhappy fan. Want another hot dog? No. You know, I used to love the- Look in your pocket. Imagine if I put one in his pocket and he didn't know.

In his hood. Should I have just been walking around with a hot dog in his pocket? No. I wish I could do magic. Could be. If I was just a hot dog in his pocket. No. I wish I could do magic. Could be. If I was just a magician with just hot dogs. Yeah. Look under your hat.

The hot dog. That's a great brand of magic. Good luck to the city of Chicago. Yeah, we'll see in September. Yeah. Be friends until then. Good luck. That's nice.

Streams, it's good for the streams. Yeah. Great. Good luck is nice. Crumb bums. What is it? What did you call them? Bubble gum crumb bums. Great. Good luck is nice. Crumb Bums. What did you call him? Bubble Gum Crumb Bum. You'll see the jersey.

Oh, yeah. He was making a jersey. Crumb Bums. Son of a bum. No, not son of a bum. What is it? Scum a bum. Scum Bum Crumb Bum.

That's a double whammy. That hurts. Have you ever seen the video of the Philadelphia public official? He's walking out of his house, and somebody's coming up to him, and he's just calling him Crumb Scum Bum or something like that. So you know where I came up from, Crumb Bum, right? Was the Philly fan who went ballistic on Ben Simmons. Oh, really?

Yes, he was the first one to use it. And I think he got it from this video. Oh, really? I've got to see if I can find the video. Yeah. He was a Philly fan. I know what you're talking about. While they find it, Seth, you want to talk about Raising Cane's?

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So sassy. I miss a beat. With code ROAM. Our ads on our podcast now, one of them is, it's always code SUN. And now we just got an ad and it's code ROAN.

Oh, yes. A bunch of them are like that, yeah. What the fuck is that? Maybe if you came around. I wouldn't read it. Maybe if you came around. I didn't do the ad read. TJ, I just sent you that video.

Either way, to put a cap on it, I look forward to September when Jerry's going to try to curse my favorite team. Yeah, I mean, it is what it is. No holds barred, right? Yeah. September. I hope you tap.

I'm going to make you tap. I want to fight you. But you don't have the courage. You're a real crumb bum. Put that on camera. You're a real crumb bum. Put that on camera. You're a creep. Get away from me. Well, sir, I'm on the public street.

I should be authorized to be here. I'll break it over your head. Get away from me, you crumb. You're a crumb creep coward. I want to fight you. Why is that? Because you're a crumb creep lush coward. want to fight you. Why is that? Because you're a crumb creep lush coward. You don't even know me, man.

You are a lush. I can tell by looking at you. I was a cop all my life, and I know a lush when I see one. And you're a lush. You're a creep. Get away from me. Did you never see the Philly fan after the game? I might have, but I think he's referencing that video. Can you get the Philly fan after the game? I might have, but I think

he's referencing that video. Can you get the Philly fan real quick, TJ? You're a crumb creep coward. I like how he keeps on adding on words. You're a lush. Calling someone a lush is hilarious. That's like calling him a wino. This guy was mad wrong. Yeah?

Oh my god. I was like, cop all my life. I know a lush when I see it. You're a lush. A bum creep lush crumb. That's incredible. Old insults are incredible. Like old neighborhood insults. It's a lush, see?

Like shit that you would just call someone in your little neighborhood. I don't know why that reminded me. Crumb bum piece of shit. A waste of fucking money you got five points there's a fucking bum get the fuck out of my city you piece of shit fuck you pussy fuck Ben Simmons and fuck that little

bitch ass motherfucker back there too start at the beginning. I just want to hear the crumb-bum part, though. Ben Simmons, you crumb-bum piece of shit. Bob, can we watch Frank Rizzo again? Yeah, you don't have to play the video I sent. For some reason, my brain just triggered that memory. Creep, I want to fight you.

You don't have the courage. You're a real crumb-bum. Put that on camera. You're a creep. Get away from me. Well, well sir i'm on the public street i should be i should be authorized to be here that i'll break it over here i'll break it over your head get away from me you crumb you crumb there is a crumb creep coward i want to fight you why is that because you're a crumb creep lush coward. You don't even know me, man.

You are a lush. I can tell by looking at you. I was a cop all my life and I know a lush when I see one and you're a lush. You're a creep. Get away from me. That's the best. You're a creep. Get away from me. His voice just like cackles like bacon on a fucking pan.

You're a creep. You're a creep. Get away from me. His voice just like cackles like bacon on a fucking pan. You're a creep. You're a creep. Get away from me. What's more offensive, you think the crumb or the crumb bum? I think it's crumb bum lush. Yeah. Crumb bush lush coward. Yeah.

Creep. You want to spin the wheel? If this is what wheel, we're fucked. Well, we don't have five people here. What are you talking about? We have a full booth. We spin this no matter what. That's how we got in trouble the first time.

I'm literally about to go get fitted for a suit right now. I really hope it's not. Okay, go spin it. Stay getting fitted. Yeah, you do stay getting fitted. I'm going to stay fitted. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What's the rule? Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, hi. All right God. Wow. Oh, all right. I was kind of hoping for that food.

Well, food would have sucked because we just had to keep doing it until we ate all the food. I sent you a video that some, for some reason, I haven't thought of this video in like five years,

but watching a reporter accost someone on the street made me think of it. TJ, if you want to play it. We can end with this. Have you guys ever seen this video? When you just sent?

Yeah. I don't think I have. Where was it? It's outside Cleveland. Cuyahoga. This is Internet 1.0. I actually don't remember if there's a very funny part. Oh, Monday.

What a name for Monday. And there's mountains flying over here. Normally a name for the festival. And there's mountains lying over here. Normally you float over the water. For six-year-old Colin Beckford, the library is a lifelong learning experience. But if you went way down deep, there's mountains way down under the water. Cool, huh? A seemingly safe and secure environment that puts his mom at ease. We've never had any problems or any issues.

After all, there are security systems in place and a security guard on duty. And a screening system to foil what the Cleveland Library says is its biggest crime, the theft of books. That's our biggest thing is people trying to take books out of here, or movies. But book theft may be the least of the library's security problems. We reviewed incident reports from libraries in Cleveland and throughout Cuyahoga County. In just the past six months, we found more than 50 cases of violence, pornography, and sex.

A patron robbed at gunpoint. A man downloading and printing child porn. This might have been a mistake. Carl Monday, though, is really taking this seriously about crime inside of the libraries. He's having oral sex. Male fondles self while looking at a 13-year-old girl. We have a spectrum of behaviors. Let's have a little mic.

Oh, here we go. Here it is. What do you look up on the Internet? Nothing really. No sports scores, stuff like that. Here it is. What do you look up on the Internet? Nothing really. My sports scores, stuff like that. Sports, pornography, stuff like that? No. Why?

I don't know why. You tell me why. I don't look up pornography, so no. For some, pursuing the porn sites is a favorite pastime at local libraries, sometimes with young children just a few feet away our undercover cameras and library incident reports back us up but sometimes it's more than just they just made that guy the face of porn with library all right i think this is what i remember should be acting out their point of action can you think of any time when going a patron it could be certainly absolutely you ever

perform a sexual act at the library no i have not what if i told you we got video of you performing a sexual act oh it wasn't me we can't really show you but that's mike cooper pleasuring himself while watching porn at the berea library just across the room from the children's section take our word for it and his He just reached out and grabbed yourself and started having sex I did what I wasn't thinking I made a mistake Christine adults looking up the sights and actually having sex and I don't know why I thought of this Random looking up the sites and actually having sex in the library. I don't know why I thought of this. It was so random.

It was this interaction. You think parents ought to be a little more careful about letting their kids at the library alone? Yeah. Yes. Go for it. It's too loud anyway. I'm pretty sure he started getting in a fight with the guy. I think that's why Frank Rizzo got in a fight.

What pervert has an umbrella? Yeah. The unemployed porn site user has his own folks to deal with now. You live with your parents? Yes. What do you think they're going to think when they see this? They're going to kill me. I don't like you getting in my face

Enough people taking their anger out on us The son's doing it on the public In a public place Exposing himself Oh wow I said get out of here Get the f*** out of here Now

You want me to take that thing away from you? No The masturbator starts getting fucking tough. All right, this is... Oh. I'm a combat vet. A son can beat off a library. All right, my bad. Not your bad at all.

That's incredible. No, I thought for some reason it triggered this thought in my head, like when have I seen this situation where- Somebody trying to fight the reporter. Fight a reporter. Yeah, it's awesome. Grabbing his microphone. You crumb bum.

That reminds me of the pastor hitting the kid, crumpling the kid. You ever see that one? No. Let's do it. You got it? Is it bad? It's funny to me. It's Pastor Eric Crumple.

Pastor Eric Crumple? There's a Geraldo video where he punches a reporter, too. Or, like, not even a reporter. He is a reporter. Someone tries to, like, say something to him and he just duffs the dude.

Oh, this one. This one is good, too. Reporter. There he is. This is Pastor Eric. Where you got it? I think TJ had it. Yeah, he has it up.

Oh, that's... Punched the dude in the chest. In Calgary, his name was Ben. And I was running the UQ. I was there for a few years. And he was just... He was a nice kid, but he was one of those kids that was always just... He's a real smart aleck.

Was a bright kid, which didn't help things, right? It made them more dangerous. And we were outside one day at youth group, and he was just trying to push my buttons. And he was just kind of not taking the Lord serious. And I walked over to him, and I went, bam! I punched him in the chest as hard as I could. I crumpled the kid. I just crumpled him.

I said, I leaned over. I said, Ben, when are you going to stop playing games with God? I led that man to the Lord right there. I crumpled him. I got a headache. I let that man in the Lord right there. I crumpled up this kid. That's hilarious. The only other one I said.

I said one more, TJ. You guys have probably seen this one. This one's one of my favorite reporter. Reporters are so funny when they're out in the wild. Yeah, they're losers. It's incredible. They really are. They take their jobs seriously.

Have you guys seen this one? I don't think so. There's a lot that can be done to have this done a lot sooner. I'm here every day. Well, she lives on the first floor, so I mean, I don't see... I care about my other neighbors.

Well, I mean, so I mean, it's scheduled. It's a contracted job. We don't tell the elevator company when to work their people. They submit a schedule to us. They said they could do the elevator in six weeks. So all we're trying to hold them to is meeting their deadline. As far as doing elevator repairs 6, 7, 8 o'clock at night,

I don't see that as being a typical process, nor is it a typical process. I've got to go now. I want to thank you both. Thank you. All right, it's back to you, Jim. Ali, don't let her go away. Does she have a response to that? Is she still there? What's that? Did the lady just leave? Yeah.

Oh, that's too bad. We should have kept that discussion. She's back if you want her. Yes. What would you like to know? I would like to know a response to what the gentleman said. Too bad. We should have kept that discussion. She's back if you want her. Yes. She heard you. Yes. What would you like to know? I would like to know a response to what the gentleman said. The gentleman's a very effective spokesperson for the company,

but obviously the people who live there are not satisfied with his explanation. Right. So what do you want now? Well, if I have to teach you how to be a reporter, Ollie, I'll do that later. Why don't you do that later, Jim? I think the lady expressed herself, and you're not here, you're there. Is there any question you'd like me to ask her? No, I'll give you lessons on how to become a reporter later on. I'll give you some lessons on how to be an editor, because I was your boss once.

Yeah, you were, and are no longer. How did that happen? Well, I don't know, Jim. Here's Ernabel de Milo. That's awesome. That's great. That's the best. Well, you were, and don't know. You just heard of Bill DeMillo. Good morning, Bill. That's awesome. That's great. That's the best. Well, you were and are no longer.

That's fucking incredible. Do you guys miss Nick and Kyle? Nah. Fuck no. I forgot they were on this. If anyone's curious what they've been up to, we're putting out a video diary of their week. That's going to be on the Anus YouTube in about

15 minutes. Plus an episode of Yo, Can I Get This On Barstool came out yesterday. Oh, fuck yes. Hell yes. Gotta watch that. Can we watch Frank Rizzo one more time? You crumbum coward. I did love yours, Jerry. I crumpled him. That was awesome.

That man's a lord, right? I want to fight you. You don't have the courage. You're a real crumb bum. Put that on camera. You're a creep. Get away from me. Well, sir, I'm on the front street.

I should be authorized to be here. I'll break it over your head. Get away from me, you crumb. I want to see if he looks like a lush. You're a crumb creep coward i want to fight you why is that because you're a crumb creep lush coward you don't even know me mayor you are a lush i can tell by looking at you i was a cop all my life and i know a lush when i see one and you're a lush you're a creep got that nose get away from me Crumb That's it That's like a fucking

Get away from me Old western You're a crumb Get away from me You're a creep That shit is so badass Oh I love

I'm gonna clip that And start tweeting that You're a crumb You're a creep Get away from me You got to You got to. You got to. That shit is hilarious.

Everyone here next week? Yes, sir. Yeah. All right, nice. No Brandon. No Brandon? The whole week. We're just going to Mississippi to buy a house.

Where in KB and Nick are back? No, they're probably doing Rediscovering America or some shit. So, Jerry, you're here all next week? Oh, no, you're gone, too. I'm gone. Oh, you're going to Florida? Mm-hmm. Oh, nice. Good luck., you're here all next week? Oh, no, you're gone, too. I'm gone. Oh, you're going to Florida? Mm-hmm. Oh, nice.

Good luck. How are you feeling about your diet? I mean, not good. Someone commented that. They're like, on Wednesday, the boys gassed up Jerry and said he's looking good for his Florida diet. On Thursday, they made him eat a lot of hot dogs. Hot dogs are lean, though.

Yeah. We shaved his back on Wednesday. He looks good. I know, I saw. He looks good. You could eat a hot dog off that back. Oh, yeah. lean, though. Yeah. We shaved his back on Wednesday. He looks good. He looks good. You could eat a hot dog off that back. Oh, yeah. And then are we keeping the 21st as the case race?

No, I'm not going to be here. I have shows in Austin. You stupid bastard. All right, so back to the drawing board. You have a show in New York. Tonight. I know, but I have a lot of shows in Austin. Is tonight your show with Francis?

About to be making some. Kiss ass. How much? A lot. How much? More than you can even comprehend. Damn. I don't even know if I'm getting paid.

Are you having your shows with Francis tonight? Yeah, two. Nice. We're in two tomorrow. Shout it out. Gotham Comedy Club. There might be some tickets left. Nice. A two tomorrow. Shout it out. Gotham Comedy Club. There might be some tickets left. Nice.

A little scattered. That one in the nosebleeds. That's a fucking shame. Go see the man. Yeah, it's going to be fun. All right, so the case race will have to be another date. A little sass back from retirement tour. I don't think you understand how hard it was to get that as the date for the case race. Yeah, but then you forgot to ask the person who had written it.

Well, we assumed you would be back eventually. I'm literally, I'm gone. You would have just done it on your birthday. The only thing that I'm missing, I'm going to be gone the week of the 20th through the 24th, and then I have nothing else planned until like June. Okay. All right. I have a ton of shit planned.

I have so much shit. Sorry, bro. Damn. Can ton of shit planned. I have so much shit. Sorry, bro. Damn. Cancel it. Fuck. I fucking wish I could, bro. This fucking company, man.

I know. But, uh, I'm glad you're back, Sass. Thanks. Me too, bro. I missed your stupid, goofy ass. I did. Alright. Alright. Too far. Alright. Have a good weekend goofy ass. I did. All right. All right.

Too far. All right. Have a good weekend, everyone. We'll see everyone on Monday. Tiger! Tiger! Tiger! We'll see you next time. Bye.