The Yak - The Madness Takes Over In The High Noon Basketball Skills Competition | The Yak 4-8-24

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. Hello, welcome in. It is the Yak. Roback.com, promo code YAK. 20% off your first purchase. Cues, hoodies, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Wearing the joggers right now.

Roback.com, go check them out. Special edition of the Yak, sponsored by High Noon. We're doing a basketball skills challenge to get you ready for NC State versus Clemson in the championship game. Anyone else want to do a prediction? Yeah. Because we're taping this before the Sweet 16, so everyone just say who's playing in the championship game. It's UConn Creighton.

UConn Creighton? Yeah. UNC Purdue. UNC Purdue. I like that. What do you got,on? Yeah. UNC Purdue. UNC Purdue. I like that. What do you got, Dave? You threw me on the spot here. I don't know what side of the bracket's what, but UConn, and I'll say, can they play UNC?

No. No. No, they cannot. You lose. Houston? Wrong. No. Yes.

Yes. There we go. Houston. I'll go for real. UConn Purdue. UConn Purdue would be fun. UConn Purdue. One of us will be right. Yeahurdue would be fun. UConn-Purdue. One of us will be right.

Yeah, one of us will be right. Kate's looking at the bracket right now. Iowa State, Norfolk State off the top of my head. Oh, okay, yeah. Not bad. Jerry? That would be good. North Carolina?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, that would work. Wait, that would work. Holy shit. Yeah. That would rock. Mook, with your painted nails. Yeah, so he painted them last episode and no one noticed.

No one noticed. When he said he painted them, we all looked at him. Still don't know. We still don't think so. You just painted them your skin tone color. Do you not know you're pink? Yeah. You are pink.

You try to be able to tell. No, you still can't tell. You did that with zero payoff. I'm genuinely pissed off right now. You thought one of us would mention it? Yeah. I thought KB would. I was grabbing shit from KB.

I still can't tell. Your fingers look the same. Yeah. They're pink. They're light pink. You are pink. You're pink and they look glossy. Yeah, you look like you just like.

Got a nice manicure. There's a whole story behind it too. I went to. All right, say best case scenario. Oh, shit, Mook. Holy fuck, dude. Are those pink? Are those peanut pink?

Yeah. That's about it. What's the story? You were talking about Caleb Williams yesterday. Yeah, I was going to do a Caleb Williams theme. Like, oh, I painted my nails in solidarity with the gayest quarterback in the world. Yeah.

He is gayest in the world, isn't he? And we're shooting hoops today, so it's also a Jared McCain-type deal. So it works. Oh, from Duke, who's playing tonight against UNC. Yeah, but I got them painted. Paige painted them for me. And then as soon as they got on, as soon as she left the room, I had to take a shit.

Oh. Just immediately. And she was like, for 10 minutes, you can't move. You can't shit. And I had to pull the trigger early. I think there's nail polish in my asshole right now. Oh. Well, that also will just fit in with your pink hue.

Yeah. Just cover me. When you got those done, were you just like, oh, the boys are going to go crazy? And literally none of us know this. You just look like you have nails. I know. Like the nails are. Do you think they looked different?

I thought maybe up close. And then I got in the light and I was like, sort of. You should have done like hot pink or something. I did. There was a lighter pink that could have went on and I chose the. Why lighter was like, sort of. You should have done like hot pink or something. I did. There was a lighter pink that could have went on and I chose the Why lighter? Lighter would not. That's why I chose the darker pink. No, you needed way darker. I don't think you

realized that you are that color. Like the color of your shirt? No, this would actually be you having like very sunburned. Like sun poisoning. I don't know. I'm just like 0 for a thousand in the past thousand and look look at yourself on screen also also what happened was rocks uh mook had a drink that is not one of our sponsors sitting on uh this is the best one oh no this uh table for the entire show and and TJ texted saying, Mook, what is that drink?

And Mook didn't see it until after the show. Because I didn't want to get my nails fucked up. Yeah, and he was like, he was like, oh, it's this. Thinking TJ was asking like, oh, dude, what's that new drink? He's like, leave it there. I'll be down to get it.

Yeah. You didn't realize he was just saying, take that off. We don't get paid by them. Yes, I thought that after I left the room, I left the drink down here. I was like, I'm still going to nurse that drink. He just wanted the new drink. Oh, for $1,001. Yeah, so that's what's going on with Moog.

This is best case scenario, though. This is the funniest result. Yeah. It turned into that. Honestly, yeah. It doesn't feel good and we're taping this and we're taping this a week and a half in advance we're not going to mention your nails for the rest like you'll have the nails tomorrow on the yak we're not going to

say anything i'm going black nails oh okay well we won't say yeah we won't say that's fine you've ruined yeah yeah that's fine at this point i just want them to be seen on some form of camera because right now it looks like I don't even have fingers. Yeah, wait, Kate, you have pink nails. I mean, I'm just naturally pink. Oh, you don't have nails. But I'm not, it makes me look tan. Yeah, Kate has more nail polish on than you. Yeah.

And she has none. None. Yeah. I posted a TikTok yesterday and someone was like, at least get sunburned, dude. I'm begging you. Like, just at least was like, at least get sunburned, dude. I'm begging you. Just at least get sunburned. You want nails to pop, you got to fucking make them pop. If you got a spray tan, I'll be hilarious.

I still haven't taken it off. Every morning I'm like, what the fuck? And then my wife gave me some nail polish remover and that's a fucking hard thing to do. It just smears it all over. Yeah, so I tried one nail, and I was like, you're going to have to do this. And she was like, all right. So I'm going to do it at some point. You like what you see, Jer?

Little Jerry job? Little Jerry job? Come here, puppy. Ah, puppy. I want to make you come, puppy. Hey. Not a sexual thing alright so high noon basketball skills challenge

thank you to high noon we did this similar thing with the wiffle ball home run derby which was great we're doing this because we're all out of town on the same day so we thought we don't want to just not do a yak so we taped this in advance but we should get going, right?

Let's start playing some hoops. Do we have a bracket or are we going to spin? We're going to spin for it. Mulcahy can demonstrate the route. I have one too. I'd love a high. Not until you're eliminated. Not until you're eliminated.

Not until you're eliminated. Titus, will you be competing lefty? Well, I was thinking about it. I don't know what's more interesting. Yeah, like if I do righty or lefty. I was thinking lefty because I could do it lefty, and I feel like that obviously makes it more compelling as to who would win. I feel like righty, I don't want to talk shit.

I will beat everybody, and it won't be that compelling. What if we did righty, but Blutman has to make your last three and half court shot okay yeah just i just wanted something to like make this worth everyone's time so should we do that blutman has to make the his so okay he will show us but there's a there's a bunch of shooting blutman has to make the half court shot in the three-pointer for titus love it. Yes. Yeah, I think that'll be fun Okay, I swear. Okay. Why don't you show us what we got to do? He's gonna show us So Blutman and white boy Rick are our dummies They're also gonna stand there and we're gonna dribble through them

Okay Should have had Rico come and take a charge. All right. Okay. He's a Hooper by the way. Yeah Oh Oh that doesn't count if you miss it. I think you've got to make it Oh cover didn't want to go. So you have to make that Three yes, three he's just acting like he's acting and then so so that three and that half court shot Blutman will make for Titus Okay, okay. Whoa So that three and that half-court shot, Blutman will make for Titus. Okay. Whoa.

What makes low-key a bucket? Blutman? Not at all. I watched him hit five in a row when we played seven. You guys are sleeping on Blutman. Oh, he's not bad. Right on cue. You saw him hit five in a row, Titus. Don't leave me here by myself.

And thank you to White Sox Dave and Jerry for joining us because Brandon is still sick. And Kate is permanently handicapped. I'll take a high noon. I'm not doing anything. Yeah, that's true. You can get one. You've been eliminated from life.

But are you craving something else? Is there a peach in there? If not, pineapple's my number two. I will gladly take that. Dave and Jerry, how do you guys feel? I feel good. I kind of want how do you guys feel? I feel good. I kind of want to see you guys go head-to-head. I'm kind of offended that Titus

thinks he needs a handicap against me. I mean, it's just two shots, right? What we'll do at the end is Titus will go and try his hardest for the whole thing and we'll show you. I like that. I like that. Don't. He's getting you. I like that. I like that. Don't. Dave, you think you got a shot?

I would say I have. People said I didn't have a shot against Chef Donnie and then what happened there? I don't remember. Banana bread. Alright, I'm sorry. I would say it's a non-zero chance. This is why I'm fucked in these events. I wasn't trying to talk shit. I was just like, this won't be... I will talk shit.

You would beat Dave so easily in this. Yeah, probably. But you never know. I mean, it's two shots. If I make two shots. That's three shots. Or the half court shot. If I make all three, that's a little.

That's true, I guess. You didn't think about that. You didn't think about that. We'll find out at the end. We'll have Titus go for real at the end. The half court is big for non-hoopers because that yeah yes that could be yeah that could be the but also non-hoopers might not ever make it correct yeah that too that too how long do you think jeff d low would take in this challenge days or night yeah i would say a year yeah it might be one year

and i'm talking non-stop Yeah One full year Alright so TJ Why don't we spin And get the bracket And then we'll get going Alright so this is

The first round matchup Or yeah We'll do the bracket So these are the matchups So I'm going up against Who do you want to go up against If you've got to pick Probably I'm going up against... Who do you want to go up against if you got to pick? Probably... I'm going to be the worst. Nick?

Yeah. Yeah, Nick would be nice. Thanks, Kate. Why don't you partake? You want to go up against Nick, right? He sucks. Oh, look at that. Oh, come on. I suck at basketball. But now there's a lot of pressure. Yeah, right? I have nothing to gain. I suck. You're wearing

clogs. Yeah. This is the other bracket underneath us. Mook. Mook. And Mook will be going up against... This is where I get my revenge. Do you think your nails will be distracting while dribbling?

Oh, yeah! Good matchup, Mook. Mook and Shay is a great matchup. Fuck yeah. All right, then the other side of the bracket will be Mark. Dave. I want Dave. This one sucks, Dave.

Who? Okay. JJ. JJ. who okay and then the last matchup will be KB and White Sox love it match you very quick fellas that's okay so do you want me to do it you want Blutman

you do Blutman and then you'll do it on your own and we'll just show Dave, like, see. Yeah. Told you. That was a bad idea. So it's a full-time. It's a timing event. It's a timing event.

Okay. Yeah. All right. Nick, do you want me to go first? I want you to go first. Okay. So I know what time I have to beat. You nervous?

Yeah, I am actually nervous, because Nick is. You're probably second seed. Mook or Che three. Yeah, I am actually very nervous. Don't sleep're probably second seed, Mook or Che three. Yeah, I am actually very nervous. Don't sleep on Jerry. Mook, Che is a good matchup. Oh, Jerry's up there too. He could be a shoot.

Yeah. Jerry's pretty nice. I'm slow though. But I've been hooping. I don't have a shot or handles. Can you pass? No. Oh, that's going to be.

Passing might be a problem. Can you play defense? No. Yeah, I can. There you go. You're perfectly's going to be. Passing might be a problem. Can you play defense? No. Yeah, I can. There you go. You're perfectly suited for this then. We should have to take a charge. Yeah.

The layup scares me. The layup scares you? The layup scares me more than anything. Why? That's crazy. Short guys don't take layups. I mean, but there's nobody around. I know, but I haven't taken a layup in years.

Taken a layup. If you airball it, very embarrassing. Yeah. Mike. What game were we playing, Dave, where you had a wide-open layup and you threw it away? Like, you tried to pass it to someone? Basketball.

Basketball. Basketball. What was the concept? I think it was just pick a basketball. That was with Berman, right? Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. It basil and Berman right oh yeah, you're right you're right Three two one go Okay Okay. Oh! Fuck it. You have to make this. Oh!

And then wait for the fucking gun. Oh, my God. Oh! Oh, no. That was terrible. Oh, no. Nick, you got a chance, dude. No, I can't do a half-court shot.

I just don't think I can make one in a million years. I think you can. Layup. You have to do a lefty? No it's from the, that's why I was nervous. I thought we were going to have to do a lefty. You should have to do a lefty. You're right, I think you should. Ah shit.

Half court. Okay. Oh. Wow. Pretty good time though. Yeah. Half court. Okay. Wow. Pretty good.

Yeah. Oh, there's no air in this ball. This is going to take a while. Yeah. Yeah, this could take so long. At least I'm out as soon as the time passes. Oh, yeah. That's true. Yeah, you have to do the whole thing.

No, you got to do the whole thing. Yeah, come on. Yeah, you got to do the whole thing. There we go. 117. That's a pretty good time. I feel like it's a good time. Yeah, that is a good time.

Job, Dan. Nicely done. Oh, no, Nixon is clogged. Yes, he is. Oh, no. Do you want just live with the decision is what i would say i would say tonight tonight when you're laying in bed staring at the ceiling i want you to think about that i will my next round if i can advance okay

you didn't take a left i just took a right because i didn't want to miss yeah guaranteed not miss i might go jelly fam on them me too i was thinking about going jelly and take a left? I just took a right because I didn't want to miss. Yeah. Guaranteed not miss. I might go jelly, fam, on him. Me too. I was thinking about going jelly. A little finger roll. I might do a 360. Yo, might you fuck around and dunk, bro?

Hold on. TJ, should you just go on his whistle? Count him down. Three, two, one, go. All right. Oh. two, one, go. All right. Oh. He's doing pretty well. Go, Nicky.

Oh. Yay. Yes. Oh. Oh. That was pretty good looking. He's got a nice fadeaway. What if it bounces from the shooter and goes in?

There it is. No, that would obviously not count. He's loose, coast to coast. He's using the... There we go. Oh, shit, he's going to beat me. Come on, Nick. I'm going to be out.

I'm going to be out. Come on, Nick. You're on pace. What was I'm going to be out. Come on, Nick. You're on pace. What was my time? 1.17. Oh, I'm fucked. He's going to beat me in clogs. He shot it and took off running like he was going to hit it.

No, go, go. Hit it. Come on, Nick. All right. Get it. Get it. 17 seconds. Oh. His seconds. Oh.

His loafers are slipping off in the back. Now the shooter's fucking on. He's got to be great once. He's just got to be great once here. 10 seconds. That wasn't even a try. What was your time, Big Cat? 117.

He's got to be great once. This is it. Buzzer beater. Oh! Oh! Damn. Oh. Damn. Oh, man. I thought you had me for a second.

Yeah. Got to see performance. 119, though. How much should be weak? Can I ask you about the shot where you shoot it from the last three situation? You shoot it. I'm going to answer the question right now, Mark. And you took off running like it was going in and then it almost broke the

backboard and then almost broke the rim. What was going through your head as you were like, that's in? So, fun fact. I haven't diverged this. I haven't said this on air. Not as good as basketball at basketball as you. What? No. No, it's cool

though. How much should I be worried about the conditioning part? Because you guys are sucking eggs over here. Oh, no, I'm good. Okay Who's up Jay you want to go first or you want me to go first I Don't care. Oh, do you want me to go first? I don't care. You got it. Oh, I'm I got I got I ran ran out of energy at the end. Mook hitting his vape. Good win, Big Cat.

Thank you. I was actually very nervous there. I thought you were going to get it. I couldn't get a sentence. Half-court shot, you have to like, you can't just chuck. No. I did that as well. No. JJ and Whiteside save, how you feeling? Good.

Nervous. I feel all right. That layup is, I'm staring directly at that hoop right now, and I don't like it. Yeah? It's a layup. It's exactly the easiest thing you can fuck up. Yeah. That would be embarrassing.

If you mess it up, you just grab your ball back and put it right back in. Yeah, but you can't miss a layup, Jerry. You can miss the threes and people roast you, but who cares? Nobody's expecting us to be good. I understand that, but it's a layup. Well, no, people are— Any man should be able to hit a layup. I know a lot of men that can't.

But I would say people are expecting White Sox. But guys miss layups all the time. Yeah. NBA players. NBA players miss wide-open layups. I mean, White Sox Dave said that he could beat Titus. So he's— That is true. I didn't say that. If you miss a layupups. I mean, White Sox Dave said that he could beat Titus. That is true. If you miss a layup after calling me out, that would be crazy.

I didn't call you out. How did I call you out? It was a small call out. You were offended that he said he was going to beat you. That he needed a handicap. No one else in the room was offended, so why were you offended? I was slightly offended. Yeah, no one else.

What is that move? What was that, Spike? Do that again. Is that what they call it? Okay When spider really gets into it he gives a really good fake blowjob How do you know it's really good? He gets emotional about it. But like could you do you think it would feel good?

I bet it would. Oh, my God. How did that? He does it regularly. Okay. Yeah. All right. Ready? Here we go.

Mook, you ready? Shout out to our mannequins. They're doing really well. Three, two, one, go. Here he comes. He's looking good. See if the nails. Oh, we're three for three on those.

Yeah, waiting for the ball is depressing. Oh, no. Got it. Now you got me thinking about the layup. You already went though. I know. Good time. Easy peasy.

He's got a good time going. This is going to be a key part. Nice! Great time. Mook! He needs this W bad. Oh! Oh, Mook!

Oh! Oh! What's the funniest scenario? Him losing by like a second to Chachette? Yeah. There! Oh! Tight rims. Oh, man, Mook.

And he's got the nails painted. This is where it gets demoralizing. Yep. Hey, 107. Nice time. New record. Would have killed me. There you go.

Yeah, you got it. That's a good time. Good shit. Jay with his injury coming out. Oh, that's right. Half-court shots might be a problem. Would you like to call in Blutman for it? No, no, no.

Okay. Titus, do you have a better time with Blutman or are you lefty? Half-court lefty, would that be? I could hit a half-court lefty. Really? Yeah, I think I could hit a half-court lefty. But Blutman only practices crazy shots. Yeah.

He's always out there. I'd be more worried about Blubman. I actually trust him more from half-court than from three. Yeah. When he's out there shooting, he's just throwing up hook shots. He'll do that front handspring soccer throw. Yeah. He's got a great look to him.

It's the normal shot. The free throw. If we had to make a free throw, we'd be here all day. Blubman doesn't know how to make a free throw we'd be here all day he's never shot one yeah and i've said it before but when bloodman does his trick shot hour it's very funny he's like the pied piper like he he starts and then everyone just comes out of nowhere yeah to watch him circus performance yeah to watch him do just the weirdest shots um and i love every second of it there he he is. There he is. All right, you ready, Che? Three, two, one, go.

Is it possible to miss? I don't know. I don't think so. Because I clunked the rim. Oh, Che. Here we go. He's hot. But he said a half court shot might be tough.

He's in the same ball. He's crushing this. Oh, my God. He put the finger up. Titus, I think. He put the finger up. I mean, this is a perfect run. Oh.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, he said yeah. He said yeah. He said yeah. He went yeah. Oh, he's so close every time. Oh, look, man.

The shots look good. Yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. He might be getting tired Luke wins and You're done Che He had the perfect run going up to that What a matchup Lived up to the hype

That was the first round matchup we were all Wow Locked in on Well you could shoot a half court You hit one Normally he'd make it Asterisk for Mook win He pulled his make it Asterix from Ukwane He pulled his make it muscle

On his left shoulder And that was what doomed him Okay this is fun So who's up next? It's Titus Slash Blutman Does Blutman know? Liam You're doing my three and my half

Yeah What'd he say? I don't know but he's excited Liam. Is he? You're doing my three and my half-court shot. Yeah, I got a sad one. I heard about three. Yeah. What'd he say? I don't know, but he's excited. He got sad he said it. Blubbin's a sniper, dude.

I'm telling you. Oh, man. I'm in a bad time here. Tough draw for you. It's me, JJ, yeah. Blubbin was talking shit to me while I was waiting to go. What'd he say? He was like, there might be some ginger on ginger crime

Keep your head on a swivel Are you ready TJ for me to count them down? Alright here we go 3, 2, 1, go Oh dick Brandon would've loved this episode Oh he would've loved this Jesus

Cash Oh Oh So he would have loved this Jesus. Oh, oh Jer cash. Oh Yeah, oh oh oh oh oh He's gonna be so mad I know He's gonna be his former teammates are gonna to be like, you let JJ beat you. There it is. Is he in his head now? All right. Well, now the Blutman factor.

Yeah. Blutman plays a big factor here. Blutman. Oh, wet. He's not bad. Blutman. He's not bad. That's good.

Yeah. Half court. Half court. Didn't want that ball. He ditched the ball. Oh. Bang. Oh. Oh oh yeah, he's a sniper. It's got great support. He's not bad. Oh Yeah Yeah, he does the trick shots because he's already mastered all the other shot is give advice

Come on blood He does have good for him. It's just Come on bluffing I Feel good, okay, yeah, yeah JJ you could beat this Yeah That's gonna be close. That's pretty good. All right, so Titus had the worst time in the first round so far. So far?

So far. Titus, you had the worst round in the first round. You did miss a lot on that one. White Sox Dave was getting the Grinch smile. That was my first time using the gun. You have to shoot it pretty high. Yeah. JJ's a hooper.

All right, I'll do it normally then. Yeah, do it normally after. Okay. Yeah, after the whole thing, we'll have you just go as fast as you can. I mean, Shea almost had like a perfect run. If Shea would have hit his half-court shot, it would have been no point in any way. Okay, JJ. Oh, he's blaming the shoulder.

Yeah, he's blaming the shoulder. Oh, yeah. Are you ready, JJ? Yep. All right. Three. He's going to do a spin. Three, two, one.

McCarthy's in the bed. Go, JJ. Oh. Oh, under the arm. Oh. Oh, nice. Nobody's missed that yet the arm. Oh. Oh, nice. Nobody's missed that yet, right? I think it's impossible.

Oh, he reached for a ball. You miss it, you're kind of frozen for a second. There you go. Lay up, lay up, lay up, lay up. Lay up. Go, Jerry. Don't want to miss this. Ew. Thank you want to miss this.

Ew. Thank you. That's okay. That was a huge sigh of relief for... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you short guys don't take lamps. Woo-hoo! All right, JJ. He's got this.

He might have this. Oh, from deep. There it is. I need to have this. Oh, from deep. Is that on calibrating? There it is. He's taking his time. You're at 50. About 40 seconds. You gotta speed it up, Jer.

What is he, 119 is it? 129. 129. 126, 126, 126. It's right there on the screen. 126. Uh-oh. You only got a few left, JJ.

Oh, no. Choked. I'm embarrassed how winded I was after that. He absolutely choked, folks. Oh, no. He absolutely choked. No, no. Keep going.

Keep going. You got two more shots. Two more shots. One more. One more. One more. One more. One more.

Three. Two. One. Oh. Two more shots. One more. One more. One more. Three, two, one. Damn. Damn. I want to see Blutman hoisting the trophy. Blutman and Titus march on. We'll move on. Wow.

Choke John. After a scare. Total choke John. Couldn't hit a half quarter. You had that. You were killing it. Blutman's better than you guys thought, huh? Yeah.

Yes. I'm going to call it. He did call it. Wotman's better than you guys thought, huh? Yes. He did call it. W for Mook. Dave, you're going first. I am? Alright. There he goes, pepping his step. I think he's excited.

I think he's extremely nervous for reasons that aren't quite clear. There's a... He doesn't understand that there's no losing. I don't think he doesn't understand that there's no losing. Oh wow, Dave wasn't good at basketball. He's going into this as though the whole internet is talking about how great he is and how he's going to smash this.

He's feeling so much pressure. I love that about him. He takes everything so seriously. Oh, they're going to shit on me for being bad at basketball. There's millions of people out there that are like, White Sox Dave could be pro. This might be the moment where he's like, fuck, it all fell apart. Way more rides on this for Titus

than anybody. By far. Everything that we do, you're supposed to win. Yeah. Unless Will's here. Or the Echo. Yeah. No big deal. Ready, Dave? Here we go. 3, 2, 1, go! I wouldn All right, here we go. Three, two, one, go.

I wouldn't mind Dave rolling an ankle. He's going to be the first to miss. He's going to miss. That's impossible to miss. Oh. Yeah, having to wait there for the other ball sucks. I think I looked for the other ball. You did, yeah.

You looked twice. Are you saying something? He's complaining and I will back him up on that the glare from the Sun yeah There's my didn't I didn't want to I didn't want to say it because I didn't want to make an excuse But someone else broke that I worried about oh Got it crisis averted Jerry. Did you go lefty? Yeah, try to dunk it Dave's not bad Dave's not bad at all. He's not I'm way worse. I think there's definitely gonna be a scout that says I need this guy on my Ooh, a little flair. That was like riding up a hobby horse. This whole competition just... What's he doing? This is his nightmare.

I need a silhouette of that. Skip. What is he doing? It's the new MJ. Why is he skipping? Both his knees are back. Air Dave. He points his nose. He's skipping.

Check out the size of the ball. What is this, a women's ball? Oh, no. Oh, Dave. He's been short on every single one. Get your knees higher. Yeah, get those knees higher. You got to get your knees higher, Dave.

AB, you might be okay. No, can't shoot. You got him. Soon, though. Yup. Nope. This is the moment that he's not going to the NBA. Come on.

Guys like him don't make the NBA. I need him to make it. Now I have to go this long. Anymore. I thought before we did this, there was a chance that he could go to the NBA. Woo! Hey! This basically is going to come down to who can hit a half-court shot the first try.

Pretty much. Yeah, if you do that, you win. Yes. Horrible fucking time. Yeah, but the knees looked so good. Yeah, it looked awesome So dainty I think my

You alright My nail polish Post game thoughts I suck at this sport Yeah Damn I thought maybe you were sick Cause I

Have long said That White Sox Dave Will shock you With his athleticism When you were in the marathon I was like like, no way he can run it. You fucking crushed it. Sure, I did. The layup, you conquered it, huh?

I did. What was your line about making the NFL? If I was 6'3", 240, I'd be in it. No, but you said guys like you don't make the NFL anymore? Yes. I used to. I used to. There was context surrounding that, though.

I saw the video With all the context But You didn't understand what I was saying though Yeah sounds like you didn't All I did I'm out of Brussels Was run around and try to kill people Can't do that anymore

So it's your style Guys like you. All right, KB, you ready? All right. Three, two, one, go. Watch out for Blutman. Nice. Damn, he came out of nowhere there.

Nice. Wow, with authority. Yeah. Got a smile. Nice. With authority. Yep. Got a smile. He's feeling it. Oh! There we go. First bank shot, I think.

Lay up. You made your lay up, Dave. I know. That's all I really cared about. All right. Let's go, KB. Great time. People don't want go, KB. Great time. People don't want to bring the ball back.

Interesting. Uh-oh. He is wearing the dunks. He doesn't bring them out often. That's good. Oh. Wap. You got more than enough time.

Damn. Uh-oh. I guess. Uh-oh. It's not all about the half-court shot, I suppose. Shot's got his brain in a sleight of hand. Oh, they all go wet. You got a full minute.

You have a full minute. Woo. A fling. Yeah, that was a... Uh-oh. Oh. Oh, come on, KB. You still got 30 seconds.

He's got the muscle. Whoops. Whoops. 140. You have 24 seconds. Probably got seven more shots. Less than that, actually. Speed.

Come on. 10 than that, actually. Speed. Come on. Ten, nine, eight. Yes! KB! Wow. Fuck yes. What a shot. Fuck yes.

Crush that. So do we have an updated bracket, TJ? First round over That was huge Big Cat versus Mook And then Titus versus KB Oh Jerry you lost? Yeah I couldn't hit the half court

Oh yeah that's right That's right That was wet Am I going first or do you want to Rock paper scissors shoot for it, or... Your call. Whatever. I'll go first.

Okay. Ooh, true. Yeah, I don't like the pressure. The person going first has won three out of four so far. Ooh. We'll embarrass ourselves. Trust the data. Go, Big Cat.

Who are you against here? I think this is where I die. Why? I feel like Big Cat's going to go for a perfect run here. No, I don't think he will. A little 40-second run. Do we count him down? Yep.

Three, two, one, go. Oh! Three two one go Don't show That might be game that might be game. That's that's it. That's it. It's over his brain is it's so No, he's so in his head. The half court shot could save him. Uh-oh. Playing angry. I said 40 seconds.

This is going to be make or break. Make. Wow. I called it. I called it to be make or break. Make. I called it. I called it. I called it. God damn. I knew I was going to miss the pass. I said it.

I literally muttered to myself in the blood, and I was like, no one's missed the pass. I'm going to miss the pass. It didn't really affect your time. Is this the best time? By far. Oh, yeah. That's hard to beat.

I don't think anyone else cracked a minute, did they? No. No. I think a minute seven was the best time. So that'll be the time you have to beat at the end, Titus. All right. For ultimate champion. I don't think I'll be able to.

I don't know how to shave time off. Make the pass. Pass. Run faster. Run faster and make all the shots, I guess. That felt good coming out of the hand. Yeah, you got game. Felt good coming out of the hand. You looked like got game. Felt good coming out of the hand.

You looked like a shooter there. Yeah. You make the half court first? First shot? Yeah, first shot. That's what it comes down to. Yeah. You can do that, you win.

Mm-hmm. All right, you ready, Mook? Three, two, one, go. Hey, Kyle, can you pass me a high noon, please? Yep. Yes. They are delicious, I got to say. The tangerines are so good.

This is lovely. I go with passion fruit. Uh-oh. It's no good. I airballed one after. I missed that. Oh, no. It was a mental, yeah.

It's total mental blockage. Oh, no. He might not make it to layup. He was a mental, yeah. Total mental blockage. Oh no. He might not make it to layup. He might not even be there. Mook, you still have 20 seconds. You gotta go fast, Mook. How'd you do that? Time.

Damn. Damn. That's game. Time. Time. Damn. Damn. That went fast. I can't win this, though, because then I'd have won everything. Yeah, that would suck. No, but people are going to be like, Kim Jong, big cat again. Yeah. If Titus wins this round, I'll just play Titus straight up for the championship.

I'll just do that. Without bluffing. And just lose with dignity. What if you win? Yeah, what if? Kim Jong Big Cat's back. They don't realize I have magnets in the balls of my hands. Loaded balls and rims. Loaded magnets.

Got them. Go inspect the High Noon factory. Oh, shit. We got some beef. we got some beef. Take some accountability. How many times have I heard Spider say that? Take some accountability. Alright. Twice a day.

Three, two, one, go! Don't miss the pass. Oh yeah. Very aerodynamic. Uh oh. Not even close. Air. Oh. Now he's good. Is this to be against Kyle?

Yeah. Blutman. I forgot about Blutman. Oh. Oh. No. Come on, Blutman. Oh. No. Come on, Blutman.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Trick shot. Come on, Blutman. Stay in the game. Uh-oh. Speed.

There it is. Why? Just bring the ball. Yeah, every time. Just bring the ball. There it is. Why? Just bring the ball. Yeah, every time. Just bring the ball. I did that. Oh. Oh, I thought that was it.

I thought that went in, yeah. Yeah, me too. Oh. Who's he going up against? Kyle. Kyle. Good old Kyle. Kyle. Good old Kyle. Kyle, you might be.

Yeah. You might have a run to the championship in you. Only the worst one. How long do we got air balls? You're in that ball. You can't get under the rim. A lot of air balls here. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Come on. Come on, Bloodman. Poor Titus. Oh, no. He's shooting the same spot every time. He's still good. Oh.

Let's go. Let's go. Was that still better than Kyle's time? Yes. 139. He was like 140- Kyle's time? Yes. 139. He was like 140-something, right? Yeah. Not bad at all.

Kyle's excited to get out there. He's skipping. Yeah. I think I airballed the first. You did. I saw it. I made a mental note of it. Dave's on your ass.

Yeah, dude. What did I do to you? Are you kidding me? Brandon Walker? No. No, no, no, no. I like it. When Brandon's out, you just get all the negative energy. Yeah, what did I do to you, Dave?

Nothing. Nothing. Get his ass, Dave. I just liked the Cinderella story. It's March, right? That's true. Okay. Actually, it's April 8th.

It's April 8th, yeah. Well, still a tournament. No, no, quote card that. It's March, right? Dave on April 8th. It's April 8th, yeah. Well, it's still a tournament. No, no, quote card that. It's March, right? Dave on April 8th. Is Kyle doing this? Is he doing somersaults? All right, you ready, Kyle?

I love when he gets excited about stuff. Did Kyle ever do gymnastics? No. No. All right, three, 2, 1, GO! Actually, maybe. I think he did. I think he could be a good jiu-jit for a little.

Or like Ultimate Ninja. I think he did. Or something like, yeah. Oh no! Shit. Not the high noon kind. Jesus Christ. Whew.

It's fucking, it's like a 50 cal sniper rifle through that thing. Gah. Thanks to Blutman, he's got time. It's like a.50 cal sniper rifle through that thing. Thanks to Blutman, he's got time. No. Hmm. There it is. All right, you got time. 40 seconds. Okay.

All right, you got 20 seconds. No, 40 seconds. Oh, that's good. Now you have 40 seconds. You still have 40 seconds. Oh, running start. Yeah Now you have 40 seconds. You still have 40 seconds. Oh, running start. Yeah, way big running start. Bang.

Oh. Come on, KB. Oh, that was halfway down. Oh, man. Bank. 30 seconds. Uh-oh. Don't panic. Please. Uh-oh. Don't panic.

Uh-oh. Oh, no. Huzzer beat her last time, didn't he? Yeah, he did. 10 seconds. He's a flair for the dramatics. Get your ass into it. Come on, KB. Five, four, three, two, one.

Oh, my God. I'll take that. Holy shit. He's wearing hookshot. I wish he was for the win. Yeah, that was. Oh, my God. Can we see that again?

Can we go back, TJ, or not? Because we're Yeah, that would be... Oh, my God. Can we see that again? Can we go back, TJ, or not? Because we're not live. Hold on. Oh, my God. That was sick. Yeah. That was pretty cool. That was the coolest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, that should be worth, like, a 10-second deduction. Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. Now I don't have to go again. You should be through to the next round. Titus, why don't you go first, and let's play heads up for real. Okay. That's fair.

Let's wait to see KB's shot. I want to see that again. Yeah, we'll go championship for real. What a shot, KB. That was incredible. I always shoot those. You do? That's why I practice.

Are you just like a little, you got a little Kareem in you? You know. Yeah, I do shoot those. You do? That's why I practice. Are you just like a little, you got a little Kareem in you? You know. Yeah, I do know that. Watch the show. Yeah, what did Kareem say? What did he say? That is not a hook shot.

This is fun. Yeah. These are always very fun. Malasek just, oh, did you see Malasek had another fucking solo dog video? Yeah. Those are always very fun. Malasek just... Oh, did you see Malasek had another fucking solo dog video? Yeah. Those are terrible. Yeah.

This is you at the end. Mm-hmm. There was one that was halfway down. Yeah, ten seconds. He has a flair for the dramatics. You called it, Nick. Five, four, three, two, one. It wasn't.

What a shot. That was fucking incredible. All right. Ty's going for real. All right, bud. You still get a championship ring. Wait, who just all right butted somebody? Blutman.

He got all right butted? No, he all right butted. He was talking shit earlier, too. Should have told Blutman to try to steal it. Oh, yeah, Blutman, play defense. You guys just promised me a championship ring though. Oh, true. I'll give you one too.

He told me he was going to punch me in the face. Did he? He said, be careful, I might throw hands. What do you mean? Does he hate you? This is a choice. He's where Evo is right now. There's a lack of fun there.

I just want the game played there. Oh, so you're complaining about where I took a layup? All right. All right. All right. Just want the game played fairly. All right. Here we go.

Three, two, one, go. I hope he throws up brick after brick. He won't. Why do you hate him? He's really good at shooting. That's the most important shot because you don't have to wait. He might go sub 30. Yeah, I think so.

Oh, jeez. Tap on the backboard, too. I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble. Oh. Uh-oh. You needed that. I need a couple of those.

This is where you'll be fine. I mean, I got the best time I could. Jesus. Oh, my God. Fuck. All right, your turn, Big Cat. I called the best time I could. Jesus. Fuck. All right, your turn, Big Cat. I called that, and I called Big Cat's 40. What's that?

Oh. Yeah, yeah. Dave, you can beat him. Dave, you can beat him. Oh, jeez. In shock. Dave, you can win. You could have shaved, what, like two, three seconds? Yeah, I missed the one that I should have hit.

Oh, you fucker. I'll lose sleep tonight over that one. The hell, bro. Dan looks stunned. He's pissed. If there's one person that could beat this, it's Dan. I don't know how he's going to do it. He will.

He will. But he'll figure out a way to do it. Are we ready? Can I count? Yeah. Yeah. Three, two, one, go. That was an awful count, though.

I do feel like when he said no to Blutman this time. I told you. Oh, go Big Cat. Yeah, he really believes. That's okay Got a hair same thing got a hit Yeah, Made it interesting You were on pace

You were on pace You were absolutely on pace That was fun That's the proper Order That felt good because when White Sox Dave called me out And then we actually did the event i i as it was unfolding i realized that was kind of an asshole move because

you guys aren't that bad yeah um so i had to be no i had to beat you not only did i have to beat you but i had to have a fast time so and i show i acquitted myself well in the finals yeah like if if the time it expired and i wasn't even at the half court shot. Right, right, right. I would have been a loser. All right, so here's what we should do. This is White Sox Dave.

You know, you said you could beat Titus. I want to see if you can beat Titus just to lay up three half court shots. Okay. What was the time? What was Titus' time?

27. 27. What about, I would even want to see. He should just go until he can beat that. You want me to do a left handed one on one with him? No, he should just go. What about three half, even want to see – He should just go until – You want me to do a left-handed one-on-one with him?

No, he should just go. What about three – What about the balls are at half court, he has to do three layups? Yeah. Three left-handed layups. Three left-handed layups, Dave. No, you don't even – Dave, you can start under the hoop.

Start under the hoop. This is how we get him back. Okay. All right. Wait. Ready, TJ? You want to have him do it at the same time? What do you mean?

Oh, yeah. Titus, go out there. Oh, you want me to do the whole run again? Yeah, no, while he starts there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good call, TJ. Do we have the last game? What is Dave doing?

Three left-handed layups? No, Dave just has to go layup, three, half court. He should run into the layups. Yeah, Dave should start from back there. All right, so Dave, do start back there. Yeah. Or even at half court, he could start. You know what I mean?

As long as he's running, makes it harder 100 no wait what are you doing now wait you want to start a half court shot no no like running for the layup start approach at half court they still want him to have to run and dribble lay up three half court shot yeah no it's fine it's fine all right what happens when they overlap? They just keep shooting. Okay. All right. Three, two, one, go.

Oh, I was hoping Dave would miss that. Here comes Titus. Titus shooting. Dave has not hit his yet. Titus has not hit his. Uh-oh, Dave's at half court. Dave's at half court. He's got his little prance.

It's so funny. So funny. Here comes Titus. Right on his heels. Come on, Titus. And now it's Titus versus Dave. Half court shots. Oh, shit. Who save. Half court shots.

Oh. Uh oh. Oh my god, it's neck and neck. Could he do it? Oh shit. Uh oh. I'm rooting for Dave. Oh Dave.

Oh shit. Oh, come on. It's so funny. He's like, he's like trying to hop over like a small. Oh, come on, Dave. Damn it. Put one more up there. 108. We needed it because we needed to just be able to say that Dave beat Titus, which we would have said.

You would have said. Oh, yeah. I would have been like, yeah, White Sox defense. I wouldn't have, though. I wouldn't. I wouldn't have. You're a man of honor. All right. I would I wouldn't have you're a man of honor No, he's all right Well well

Gonna give him that trophy pick it. Oh, yeah, well man. I would love to yeah Give it to him. Do we have music for it? Kyle is frustrated. What is it? What did you say? Kyle, are you on your chip toes? I think he is. Nice! A Blutman dub. Wow! Blutman dub. Common. Common. Common. Dominators.

Nice. That was a lot of fun. Thank you, High Noon. I want to see if anyone could beat 27 in the whole office. I don't think so. You have to hit the first half. That was my original point. Someone could. Is there anyone behind this team?

You hit three shots, you're good. Like Connor Griffin or someone? Somebody could. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I overreacted to your overreaction.

I don't know that I overreacted. Okay, then maybe... Nah. You guys are just never going to see eye to eye on this one. You two, there is zero universes where you two are friends. Why do you say that?

You guys could never be friends. Not even close. You guys are just oil and water. Yeah, I thought we would bond over something. No. We can find something. There's nothing. Do you want to be friends?

Sure. All right. What can we bond over? What kind of food do you like? Just about anything, really. Same here. Oh, wow. No.

You guys go to dinner. It will be a fist fight. Yeah. I don't know that it would be. See, you fight everything. I'm fighting about not fighting. Yeah, exactly. I wasn't trying to talk shit, Dave.

What I was trying to do was I think most people that are going to tune into this thing are going to say it's a basketball skills competition. For sure, for sure. They're going to assume that I won. I was trying to add a wrinkle so to keep the viewer watching maybe i didn't win and yeah and then here we are that's the twist yeah yeah no we're good i uh you guys both have dogs we both have the kind of dog do you have uh golden retriever beautiful poor girl what kind of dog do you have? A mutt. This is great. It's like a first date. I like this. What do you like to do in your free time? Nothing.

Okay. That's a problem. Like nothing, nothing? What's your favorite movie? Almost Famous. Whoa. Yeah. That is a surprise.

Yeah, really. Real surprise. What did you think it was going to be? Like Ted 2. Interstellar? Yeah. Debbie Does Dallas. Which is what? One movie? Debbie Does Dallas. Which is what?

One movie? Debbie Does Dallas. I don't think I know what that one is. You do. It's like an old school porn. It's like the porno. Yeah. What about...

You guys were both college athletes when I Got a Feeling dropped. That's true. I think I was in high school When that dropped Nevermind Okay what else What else That's it That's enough

Is your dad's first name Titus No It could be if he was a Greek or Roman What does that mean Well his dad's first name titus no it could be if he was a greek or a roman that'd be cool his name well his dad's first name is william yeah i was supposed to be william of course i was supposed to be william herman williams the third generation that's amazing yeah his dad's name william williams and my mom obviously said, fuck no.

Yeah. It would have rocked if you were William Williams. For the longest time. So you know how they do the, like, Affleck trivia questions? Yeah. I was watching a Cubs game with my dad, and the answer was Billy Williams. I'm like, Dad, I didn't know you played for the Cubs. He's like, yeah, you didn't know that.

Why do we hate them so much? Why are we White Sox fans? He goes, they didn't pay me enough money, obviously. So for like a solid chunk of my childhood, I thought my dad was a black man that played Cubs in the 1960s. Does he go by Bill? Yeah.

Yeah. Perfect. Yeah, you should think about getting your dad to change his name to Titus Titus. People do think my first name is Titus, so. Oh, I should think about getting your dad to change his name to Titus Titus. People do think my first name is Titus. Oh, I did? Yeah. You did?

Oh, Mark Titus. What? You just found out? I guess I've been calling you Titus. No, that's fine. Yeah, people. And I guess I was thinking. You thought that was his first name?

Mark, you just dawned on you? I guess I never really thought about anything other than Titus. What? I thought it was a strong... I don't think that's crazy, though. That's the worst. That's crazy now. If you don't know someone well...

We were on a daily show. She's been on maternity leave for however long. Since we've been in here, really. I didn't know Donnie was named, not Donnie. Both of them, actually, until I went to Dominican. I never knew that. What?

KB, I would never know what your last name is, I don't think. Really? I know KB. Yeah. K, then B. Look at us, just doing some icebreakers. See, this one, this one. Kate has two last names.

Wait, what is it? What is it? Bauer. Yeah it power yeah yeah okay i know now i was like kb is your first name and do you know any of us no kate's last name is not her last name no right no yeah she didn't she has still not changed her name from her divorce i got a a text as i was walking my dog maybe about six weeks ago and i open it it says maybe kate i don't know if you want your government last name let's not and i look at him like who in As I was walking my dog maybe about six weeks ago. And I open it and it says maybe Kate. I don't know if you want your government last name on there. Let's not. And I look at it and I'm like who in the fuck is this?

And why are they sending me a picture of me? I was up in my rocker with the baby and he walked by. You guys live close together? Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. Kate, what's Chief's name? My brain said it's not chris oh oh my god do you know this

one i know this one i know this one mark no i know no that's him i don't know his last oh no i this makes me feel bad i should i don't see every i don't think you should everybody calls him chief to the point that i could understand why. Do you know Marty's name? That's not. I had to think about it for a split second. Marty? Yeah. Marty Mush? Yeah.

Marty is not his name. No. Matt. What? Matt. Matt. Brandon Walker's name? Yeah, Brandon.

That's crazy. His real name? No, his name's Thomas. Shut up. No. No. Kate. Kate. I even knew that one. Do you know white boy Rick's name? Now you guys are fine. No. Kate. Kate.

I even knew that one. Do you know white boy Rick's name? Now you guys are fine. That's Kevin. Kevin, right? He tried to do Kevin when he first got here. He was like, I'm Kevin. He did try that hard.

Yeah. No, you're Rick. I was like, no, dude, you're Rick. Don't even try that. Do you know Hubs, Kate? I don't know. Hubs. Eric.

Eric. Eric. Eric yeah I know that do you know Nate that's Nate that's Alex oh you didn't know Kate how long have you been here

this is actually crazy Kate what about Sass oh he's got a not a goofy name but he's got it's a little goofy a little bit

yeah but I I wow you could offer me a million dollars I wouldn't be able to guess his name What about Roan? Adam

This has been eye opening Smitty Adam Clem I know this one, this one's tough I don't know Adam Clem

Justin Clemzing Adam? Clem. Zingus. Justin Clemzingus or something. Clemenza. Clemenza. What about PFT? I know that one. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Interesting. This has been eye-opening. You didn't know a lot of them too, right? No. What about Erica? Erica? Yeah.

Her real name's Donna. Stop it. Wouldn't that be crazy? That would be crazy. I'm the only one that goes. Her real name's Donna. Stop it. Wouldn't that be crazy? That would be crazy. I'm the only one that goes by the real name. I'm the bravest. You are. Is anyone else?

No. I never hid mine. Jerry. My real name is Gerard. I would say Mark Titus. Oh, yeah, Mark Titus. Oh, yeah. And your show.

Hey, what's his podcast? Oh, yeah. His Twitter name and his... I try to keep it hidden, but... I'm not a sports lady. She thought it was a hunting show. Yeah. That's good.

That's fun with names. We got to spin our own wheel? Oh, on that exact note, I actually, prior to meeting Big Cat in person, thought he was also a black guy. Yes. There was that. Yes. I did, prior to meeting Big Cat in person, thought he was also a black guy. Yes, there was that. Really? Yes. I did a, I posted a video.

What was the guy's name? Bangs? Bangs, I think. He was a rapper. He was a hilarious rapper, and I posted a video, and everyone's just like, that's Big Cat. He's Bangs. And you, that's why you thought he was. Yeah.

How long did it? It was only for a little bit. I posted the bangs video and everyone was like, but so many people said So many no bass big cat was black that I I thought that's what I because he Yeah, I think that's why most of us have different Right well there was like when the internet, you were told by the adults, don't put your real name out there. But what KB's saying is when I started at Barstool, I was still working in real estate.

Yeah, yeah. So that was why. And I was in accounting, so I had the same thing. KB was a regular person. Yeah. Bangs. Bangs is awesome. Bangs. Yeah.

I wish we could play his video He's Throwback days Have you So funny We gotta do a sit down with Ed and go over Yeah we should The old old days

And we'll do for the new Yeah Yeah yeah That's a good idea I don't wanna get before anymore Okay What do you wanna Oh how about

No button Nick No side button Nick No side button Nick Wore my turds No side button Nick. Wore my turds. You don't wear side buttons? What are side buttons? Wait, do you? I don't think I do.

Holy shit, yeah. It's because I don't wear side buttons. Check this fucking guy out. Doesn't even wear side buttons. Look at his fucking sides. There's a button. Dave left the turd. Oh, side button Nick.

Wait a second. Dave, what the fuck? Side button. All right, let's spin our wheel. You were disgusted in me and didn't know what a button was. Side button Nick. What would be a side button like a Wii remote or like if you had like

I guess like yeah like a tearaway jersey yeah tearaway pants tearaway top maybe yeah the pants tearaway pants yeah I don't wear side button yeah you're a fucking loser for it all right well thank you everyone for watching a special edition

we appreciate high noon we get to do all these fun shows cuz I noon we back all of us together on Tuesday So we'll see you then. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap. It's the act. It's the act. Hey, have a good Monday, everybody. UConn will win the national championship tonight. Cam Spencer will score 25 points.

All right, see you tomorrow. Bye.