The Yak - The Nicky Smokes Freedom Festival is Upon Us | The Yak 10-6-23

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

Body shot off the baby bumpYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up. Hello. It's Jack. Rudy. I almost said Saturday. Saturday. Friday.

Roback.com. Filmacode Jack. Roback.com. Filmacode Jack. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. We've got Rudy and Donnie in-house. What up? Thank you, boys.

Thank you, fellas. Nick is going to Mizzou. KB is going to Pittsburgh. Mook is going to God knows where with Sass. Where's Mook? Portland. I was kind of close with God knows where. Maine or Oregon?

Oregon. Oregon. Portland. The second part. Titus is going to Columbus. Damn. Mississippi. Damn. Everyone's out. They're just all out on the road, man.

Promo code yak. Roback.com. Promo code yak. Roback.com. You want to wear these glasses? Why would I? Hey, thank you guys for joining us. Thanks for having me. Whoa, Brandon, I didn't know you had pumps on.

I know. No, I look good. Brandon got upset because i hit i i hit his car with my car no it's fine it's not like i bought it what a last month what a baby about it it's a wrangler it's not like i slightly hit your car with my car yeah out of red light it's okay i didn't buy it last month or nothing i was hoping you would have out. I didn't think you realized it was us. Me and Rudy behind you. No, I knew where you were at all times during that trip. And I knew you were going to hit me. I just wondered how hard you were going to hit me.

You didn't hit me that hard. No, it was a tap. Yeah, it was a little tap. I don't want to hurt Michael. We're correct. Yeah. Now, if you were driving like an old beater, you would have taken me out. I would have rammed the fuck out of you and been like,

actually, I would have backed into you. In fact, if you... And been like, he rear-ended me. If you reversed the cars we were in, you would have fucked me up. You think so? Like, if you were in a Jeep and just didn't... Because Jeeps don't matter.

Yeah, Jeeps don't matter. They don't matter. Do whatever. How tough would it be for us to get into a demolition derby? Just the yak. I've been in one. So not that tough. Yeah, you have. Not that yak. I've been in one. So not that tough. Yeah, you have.

Not that tough. I broke a rib, kind of. Pretty tough. A rib contusion. Okay. Yeah. Maybe we shouldn't do that. Was that in Cars 3?

No, that was me in Feidelberg way back. I can't even remember. Was it just like a fair and you guys were like, yeah, we'll do it? Yeah, what fair was it? Donnie, did you? I don't recall. I don't know why I asked you that. Was it scary? Or was it like, no, it was awesome? Oh't recall. I don't know why I asked you that. Was it scary?

Or was it like, no, it was awesome? Oh, shit. That's what I thought. Come on, just come here. Why are the chains on the front of the glass? What did he say? Brockton City Fair, yes. Where is Brockton?

Brockton's a rough spot. Yeah, my car didn't work and I got fucking rocked right out of the gate. I'm going to tell you right now, I haven't had a car before. I don't see any penises. Oh, is that? Yeah, young Yaz. Still Justin Ball. Was that your bobsled outfit?

Yeah, we brought back our bobsled. Blindfold race. Holy shit. I was driving the mayor of Brockton. So they just let you hop behind the wheel, right? Yeah, yeah, blindfold race. I don't even remember this. You don't remember the feeling of getting impacted? No, this wasn't the demolition journey.

Oh. The blindfold race. Oh, he's supposed to tell you where to go? That's fucking insane Yeah, this is awesome Yeah, it was so much fun I would do it again for sure This looks like an ISIS video

One fun thing before they kill you They make you do tricks Oh, that was part one Oh, wow, we cut that into two parts? I don't think that was much. The first part wasn't even. That was not a two-part video. All right, go forward.

Was this a Handsome Hank production? I think so. This is the demolition journey. Oh, you kind of eased into that one. My car already stopped. Come on. Oh, no. Yeah, I was a sitting duck. I was a sitting duck.

I was a sitting duck. Oh my god. Nobody's going for it. I'm worse than this. My car won't even start. Oh dude, so you're just... I was just a sitting duck. I couldn't get my car to start. You're just a target? That's you right there?

Yeah, right there I think. This is going to be a dumb question, but do you win derby by just being the last car? Yeah, the last car. Oh, there we go. I had it. Yeah. What was the problem? I don't know.

Skill issue. I probably just didn't listen well enough. Because they're all beater cars, so it's like... Do those have airbags in them? I don't think so. No, almost certainly. Oh, hell no. Oh, it's pretty sick.

Even in the prime of their lives, I don't think those cars had... Yeah. Oh. Oh, damn. That's a good snap. And you got no headrest. I think that was fights. I'm not going to lie.

I'd be fucking petrified. I'd die very easily if someone just drove into the side of the car. I don't think you'd get enough traction to go very fast on it. Maybe. I don't know. There seems to be no... Or maybe the There's no real like you just kind of just

go around in circles until It kind of looks like it sucks to be honest. Yeah it did suck. It kind of sucks. 100% sucks. I don't know why that was a part 2 video. I'm not even saying to be in it. I'm just saying the entire event Wait did you get my crack? There's no real visual pleasingness to it. Is it an internet thing?

What's the other... What were the other competitors like? Oh, there it was. Right there. Oh, you got double teamed? Yeah. Oh, that one. There's another one. Oh, dude, they're focusing you.

I did not see that one coming. Yeah. So, yeah, that was Demolition Derby. Wow. Not exactly... Oh! That was when I got my rib fucked up. So yeah, that was demolition derby. Wow. Not exactly. Oh! That was when I got my rib fucked up. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh dude, I was just like in a pinball machine. So bad. They were hammering you. So bad. Fuck. All right, never mind. It'd be funny if the other guys were like, yo, fuck this podcaster.

Yeah. So yeah, we should do demolition derby. I think we can, fuck this podcaster. Yeah. So yeah, we should do a demolition derby. I think we can get in one very easily. Yes. I remember that not being hard. So. Yeah, imagine there being a guest list for a demo derby.

They're like, I'll try to get you in at the door, but I don't know. I don't think so. Donnie, what's the craziest thing you've done? Most, like the thing that you feared for your life the most

I didn't really fear for my life there But let's pretend I did Really put me on the spot here I feel like you have a list of things Yeah I mean contracting E.coli I thought I was going to die Wait what? I had E.coli too

You did that on purpose? No I was not for content I got a burger at a cockfight in the Philippines And I think the lettuce was washed with poop water Did they have a full concession stand at the cockfight? Yeah, it kind of just sold burgers and beers Wait, so what does E. coli do? What is E. coli?

Some people call it lettuce fever I mean, it's a type of bacteria that can kill you. Yeah, so I knew I was in trouble when I was literally just peeing out my butt. It was completely clear liquid. It wasn't even like, it wasn't brown liquid. It was just crystal clear fluids flowing out of my ass like a waterfall. Oh, yeah. Lost a lot of weight. did you have to leave the

cockfight um it didn't hit me immediately at the cockfight i went to the cockfight had a good time oh george at home and then and how long were you sick for um i would like went to the health clinic which was just like a shack and i was in there for a couple days and i remember like the first thing i do when i arrive i ask for water and they're like, oh, we don't actually have any water, but if you give us your wallet, we can send someone to the store and buy some. That's not a good sign.

Are these moments, I'm always curious, do you tell your parents that you're in a shack with E. coli in the Philippines? I do. When they're like, he's out there somewhere, he'll be okay. Yeah. Best of luck.

Yeah. I think I told them I had food poisoning, but didn't tell them how serious it had become. How long did it last? A good three days. Jeez. Probably wasn't a good three days. Three or four days. When I got it, I had to tell the CDC.

Did you have to tell the CDC? I was in the Philippines. Oh, yeah. I was stateside. They take it serious. I got mine in Mexico. me and my dad well and then you came back yeah we came back and started pooping yeah i'd much rather have it in the u.s i don't know i was a kid there my mom was like in new york city when covid was happening it was on a test like i tested positive at like an official place and they called me for for 20 days straight. I was like, stop calling me.

Yeah. It's just the flu. Yeah. Me and my dad were just chilling. It was actually kind of nice. We just hang out. We got some good bonding time. It was his fucking fault, too.

E. coli is just hanging out in Mexico and Philippines and everywhere. It's hanging out in the US. It's the water. There was an E. coli epidemic in the US maybe a couple years ago. Yeah, it was like someone with chicken or something? Yeah, West Virginia. Lettuce. Lettuce.

Chipotle. Oh, yeah. Which is hurt. I thought that was like someone with chicken or something? Yeah, West Virginia. Lettuce. Lettuce. Chipotle. Oh, yeah. Which is hurt. I thought that was salmonella. Was that not salmonella? Is that different? Yeah. Yeah, it's very different.

They're two different names, so it would make sense. Salmonella is what you get from raw chicken and eggs. One's salmonella and one's E. coli. Yeah, that's one of the differences. That's the difference. Well said. Biggest difference. I know the most dangerous thing you've done.

I actually talked to you about it the other day uh the story you told me about the when you swam in the that story you told me i don't know why if dude this i'll let you tell the story this is fucking so dangerous okay so i worked as a park ranger in the boston harbor islands for a summer okay going into my senior year of college. And on one of the islands at low tide, it connected to the mainland. So we tried to time out the tides. We're like, okay, at night, it's going to be low tide. We can walk over to the mainland,

meet all my friends at a bar. And then if we get back in like four hours, then we'll still be able to walk back to the island. In the middle of the night. Yeah, in the middle of the night. But there was like a little like sand spit, but we- the island yeah i lived on the i would do like 10 days on the island four days off and but i like you would get really bored on the island so i wanted to go see my friends um but we mistimed the tides so we walk over party get absolutely hammered and then when

we go to walk back to the island the little sandbar is completely gone and i was like i know it's here it's got to be here somewhere but no the tide was just completely high at that point so at some point we both just end up in the water fully clothed and i'm still just trying to find the sandbar i end up having to swim the whole way to the island how long like i've got my shoes on my entire uniform i don't know i was probably in there for like 25 minutes just swimming jesus how fucking dangerous is that like incredibly yeah and your friend died no but my so the no i was so pissed when i got to the side because my friend ended up finding the little sandbar where the water was like up to his neck but he could still walk and so he just like walked across meanwhile i like completely got like lost and was just swimming alone holy shit and then like you didn't hear him when you were were you yelling at each

other yeah he just i he left like he started trying to work his way across maybe 10 minutes before me and i was like that can't be the sandbar like i'm gonna find it part yeah and then a friend and you were like and then so once at the same time yeah once i got to the island i was like you fucking left me you left me for dead i was like losing my shit i was really that's like a big shark area is those shallows up north and like in the boston like yeah i mean if i was on the cape it would be like more shark territory i don't think there's as many like in the harbor attack at night i've never seen that yeah well that was the first that was the first jaws the very first death and jaws those are factual yeah yeah good counterpoint well that's a movie it is funny though that they did make those movies take place in the cape and the point being was that this will never happen in the cape and then

the great whites actually pulled up but it wasn't in the cape right it was in maine but same area like there was never any any great whites in the northeast and then like in the last 15 years they just they just fuck with they're chilling now they fuck with it heavy yeah they like it how many times you guys think you've cheated death um or tough question four that car crash doesn't count yeah the car crash does not count that one doesn't i have i've got others yeah we should have also said that brandon did call an emt when i bumped his car today i'd say twice yeah he did he did he did he called flight for life yeah yeah i'd say twice i guess just had to write that blog because i was a little upset that at the barstool awards i didn't get nominated for near-death experience yeah who who won that award actually i don't even remember that one i don't

remember it at all i what were the uh experience that wasn't the might have been smitty with the paintball gun oh yeah or something um that was awesome yeah but i just wrote a blog like recapping my top like five near-death experiences oh three of them were while filming Rediscovering America. I don't know if you guys saw that clip where me, Nick, and KB tied an outhouse to a truck. Yes. That was an all-time clip. Yeah. But that was probably, I landed on Nick, so I was fine.

But Nick almost. Yeah. His life flashed before his eyes. So when you say near-death, you were almost near his death. Yeah. I almost killed Nick. Yeah. You were close to his death. Yeah. He's killed Nick. Yeah, you were close to his death.

He's all bone too. He can't take an impact. Wait, Brandon, you think four times? Yeah. You have him? Well, no. I've just been in multiple pretty bad car wrecks. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, no. Y'all are really going fast here. The legs

are so funny. The legs look dorothy and wizard of oz yeah this thing's good for the race yeah when i asked nick if he's okay he's just like he looks like a nerdy stark the nerdy stark boy oh man he's hurting man I hate to see that all four were car wrecks? maybe it's not four

I had one in 1995 the day before my sister was born what was it? a car wreck me and John Hamlin, Che and cory billups were skipping school and we were in my 1993 ford probe and we flipped it holy fuck yeah flipped it several times and my sister was born the next day oh yeah were you just being a dumb teen speeding sure yeah yeah yeah yeah well i wasn't driving but um that make you feel a little like if you had died your mom

would have been like well at least i got a new, your mom would have been like, well, at least I got a new baby. So it would have been like, yeah, end of one chapter, beginning of another one. Yeah. It would have been perfect timing. Yeah. If there was ever a time for me to die already, that would have been it. Yeah. Wait, so Donnie, what were the other top five?

I think number one was the mad honey that I had in Nepal. You're only supposed to take two teaspoons and i took three tablespoons by intention or by accident well i took two spoonfuls and then i wasn't like feeling anything after an hour and i was like okay this video is not going to be great because nothing's really happening and then for the sake of content i took one more and then it just it just hit um and i was like walking to the bathroom collapsed on the hotel floor and was puking for a good like four to five hours and couldn't like move sort of sort of like paralyzed i actually at one point i like asked michelangelo i was like

yeah i think you might have to call whatever 9-1-1 is out here um but it's a good thing you didn't because that would have been a pain in the ass and in the morning i felt fine yeah i just had to completely cleanse myself damn it's a good thing that was thrown out by a cleaning lady because you were supposed to you're supposed to have some but like honestly if you just had one teaspoon you would barely feel a thing and you'd be fine. I did ask you for it, though. You did? Yes. I did ask you for it. Well, Che is also built different, so we really don't know. Yeah, he's

a physical. Yeah, you don't really understand Che. I mean, who knows? What about you, Che? Have you ever cheated death? You bought a house in a flood zone? You did do that? I did. No, I don't think so i guess no then yeah but he wouldn't notice i have two i'm flappable i have two or three the last one wasn't really one was

i uh dove into shallow water oh i hate that on the bottom i don't know why i had spun like what my shoulder hit the bottom so like my it was like basically like that so if i had gone head first i 100 would have been paralyzed or possibly dead that was scary that was bad very stupid and then the other one was i chuck i funneled uh 12 ounces of whiskey and then we went out and I climbed up on a like construction equipment on State Street in Madison and I fell and I almost

like I basically fell and I was like this close to just smashing my head on the pavement and I was like that was bad. Where did you dive into the shallow water? It was in Madison as well in Lake Mendota and i dove off a dock and it was just way more shallow than i it was like end of summer so it was like you know hadn't rained in a while it was that scared the fuck out of me to hit your shoulder that's like

someone's looking over me because like that was just pure stupidity could have easily just gone the other way i feel like you see a lot of bachelor, bachelorette party. Oh, they threw me in the pool and I'm paralyzed. I know. Pools are the number one way. I'm going to hammer that into my kid's head. Don't ever fucking dive. I might just teach him not. Don't teach him how to dive.

Just tell him it's lava. Yeah, the only way you can get into a pool is feet first. Yeah, that's diving. Like, worst thing you do is break your ankle. You know what bitches love is a pencil dive. Yeah. Yeah. Cannonball. Bitches do be loving that yeah yeah watch this i'm about to pencil dive i think one time i mean you were in a right yeah afghanistan right a couple close calls but uh we all bought surfboards when we got back from our first deployment and the ocean side pier

had lights the pier was like super super long it went way far out and it had lights and none of us knew how to surf but we decided to go night surfing and we didn't know to check like there's these sites like magic seaweed and blah blah blah that tell you that there's storms way out and so there's going to be huge swells coming in and so in the dark we all go paddling out and i'm the waves were so big that i'm like paddling my ass off and i turn around and my buddies are like a hundred yards behind me like i just was going so hard i didn't realize it went way far out and i see just a shadow coming like a massive shadow and i'm like oh my god no it was a wave it was like a giant like they come in sets of three two right and it was way bigger than all the others and i have you ever had that moment

where you're like do i try and get past it or do i try and turn the other way yeah and i was like i'm gonna never considered riding it yeah never considered surfing you're on a surf yeah but i didn't know how to that was perfect I was literally coming to bring you back home so no barrel that wave was out there I'm looking for a surfer I need somebody to surf it was like a 9.5 foot long board I was like and then

when I realized I wasn't going to make it do I detach myself from the board no 100% no really bad thinking I kept it attached to me but i threw it and i curled up in a ball on the bottom and it rolled me like oh like i was doing somersaults on the bottom of the ocean it gets violent i came up again when you're talking about like how you almost drown that like it's the most exhausting yes shit i came back up and i look

and there's the second shadow because they come in sets of three and i'm like oh my god there's going to be two more of these and i just by the time i pop back up for the third my buddies were all like oh you're getting fucked up and i'm like please yeah they were like laughing and i was like no i'm drowning i'm like i like literally crawled to shore and laid there like like i can't believe i didn't die like they had to help me back to shore and that was night surfing but uh you were a kook it was close yeah it was a kook yeah like i deserved it i should have drowned and um yeah but it was like what do i do yeah i hate that moment where you're like do i try and get over it or do i turn around what the fuck do i do it's crazy because it like i really do think

that everyone has like two or three lucks yeah in you three lucks in your back pocket where you're like, oh, that was lucky. That could have gone bad. Oh, yeah. I think about it way more now with kids being like, there's going to be a day where they go to college and I know what I did in college and how stupid I was. You're so dumb. Yeah.

So dumb. So dumb. I remember- Funneling liquor. Yeah. I did that too. I ate mushrooms and walked across the lake. Dan will do it. Yeah. Yeah. liquor. Yeah. I did that too. I ate mushrooms and walked across the lake. Dan will do it.

Yeah. Yeah. Bad, bad. Dan will do it. Dan will do it. Back in the day. Yeah. That funneling whiskey is a-

I know. It's like- It's something. Yeah. I did it with tequila. That was my big one. I funneled those things? Yeah. I mean, it was- I funneled beer. Yeah. We wereed those things I funneled beer Obviously we funneled beer too

We just rock way harder I remember doing a funnel of Jack Daniels I was like a senior or junior in high school At the Westchester Boys Baseball House And they were dumping protein powder In the top of my head Hell yeah dude That meant they totally that

meant they totally had a crush on me i've had a couple i had one texas state fair um i got into the rides there i was i knew that they were put together very badly by bad people and part of that was like oh this is going to be an experience i want to live life to the fullest i was there with my hockey team when i was playing juniors in texas and i got into this me and my friend i convinced him to get in it it's like this big uh almost like a clock and it just has basket on either end and it just swings like 75 feet in the air the guy that was running it not even part of earth yeah like no teeth carny true yeah like wrenching it as we're getting on it i'm like this is going to be a bonding experience me and my friend will end up in the air force and

then um god we're going yeah exactly yeah i saw that yesterday and we were going in it and this thing was whipping we're going like 70 feet in the air and i was like if this thing detaches like the screws are rattling i was like we're gonna go into orbit like it that was the most scared i've ever been and then the only other one i mean it's not as funny but like i had one where i was climbing a tree as a kid and there was like a rope swing but it had gotten fucked up so it's just like a hanging rope and i fell but there was like knots in it and i got like caught in the rope and i almost just like hung myself oh my god and it would have been a way to go and then what if they were like oh yeah i must have just been having a bad day they would have never thought i just fell out of the tree can i go back to the other one the texas day fair that sounds like a ride all those rides

sounds like you just went on a scary ride no yeah but it was close but it didn't detach and the screws didn't come out no no no no what we trust at state fair like at those fairs it is crazy that he trusts so yeah rud Rudy did just go on a ride. He just went on a ride. Yeah. But that does sound like I feel like all those rides, they just go until someone does die. Right. And they shut it down.

Right. And it's like, is this going to be the one? It's like they're not doing safety regulations. Yeah. I guess you could put that in the same thing as your car accident. You know, not as intense as it was, but I felt fear like you did. Yeah. Magic Mountain.

I feel like the wild mouse at Wildwood pier like killed someone i rode the incredible hulk yeah i did the jurassic spider-man ride almost got me twice eight in disneyland no disney which one's which one's california land i never know land land world is orlando i've never been to disney world and oh no it's universal studios i did the jurassic park ride and yeah i almost California land. I never know. Land. Land. World is Orlando. I've never been to Disney World. And I don't know. It was Universal Studios. I did the Jurassic Park ride. And yeah, I almost died. Is it dope though? Yeah.

I also didn't almost die. Outside. Outside the wall. That's what mine was too. I was just super scared. Outside the Walmart growing up, we had a, we had, you put a quarter in and the little, it was like a helicopter and it would just go like this. And you almost crashed?

Almost died. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. The irony is that you're just trying to live. like a helicopter and it would just go like this you almost crashed almost died yeah yeah yeah wow the irony is that you're just trying to live like you're doing you're like you're trying to live the most life trying to live the most yeah that is true yeah like i remember my friends in high school one time my friend he really liked to drive fast and we were driving out to uh our buddy's place in the country and he was going like 90, and we're on these country roads, no lights, nothing, no cars on the road, single lane

highway, and he just flipped off his lights, pitch black. Oh, God, that scares. And he was going like 85, 90, and just kept going up to like 95, and we're like, turn the lights on, turn the lights on. He's like, we're good, we're good. Skrillex blasting. In that moment, I was like, this is the most terrifying moment of my life. But right now, we're immortal. Yeah.

You weren't immortal, though. No one here in this room right now has died. That's true. Yeah, no. I blew a.403 once. What? I think Donnie has died. In the hospital.

I've died. Donnie died. I like how this led with Donnie being like, I don't really have any. No, Donnie hasn't. I know Donnie hasn't really have any i know i didn't yeah how do you so why are we in the hospital a lot so i was going to like our dance in college and earlier that morning i had invented a game i had like the first waterproof phone and then we found out that you could drop it in a drink someone would call it and then you would have to chug the drink before your phone went to the answering machine and so the first time i did everyone's like that's the coolest thing ever do it again so it like started by playing that game

with just beers and then we started playing with like tequila sodas and um we're kind of just drinking the whole day and then um on the way to the dance i passed out and woke up in the hospital and oh like carlton banks like you had a 0.403 like half of people die once you hit that oh yeah life-threatening yeah you were significantly life-threatening yeah no that donnie you i you were one god i bet for 30 i bet for 30 minutes. So you felt awesome. And your friends. Did your friends still go to the dance? So the hilarious thing is I was passed out on the street and then the cops came over

and they're like, all right, we got to get this kid to hospital. And like one of my equally drunk friends come over and they're like, no, he's fine. I'll take care of him. I'll take care of him. And they're like, no, like he needs to go to the hospital. And if my friend had convinced them to let me go, I may have died.

Did they put charcoal down your throat? Isn't that the thing? Is it charcoal? Almost certainly not. They hooked me up to an IV. That'd be way more dangerous than the alcohol. I don't know. That sounds like a spell. They hooked me up to an IV, and I just remember when the nurse took out the IV, blood started

squirting everywhere, all over my khakis. You had so much alcohol in your system, probably. Maybe. Maybe. So when I showed up back at my house at college, it looked like my cock had exploded. I just had a giant blood stain where my dick was. You have a new PSA against heavy drinking yeah cock will explode has your cock ever exploded no i've got a swollen testicle one i knew you'd have a story yeah

um but yeah no that incident made me rethink my drinking uh luckily i've never gotten even even close to that since point four is insane yeah that's yeah yeah you might you might be able to add up all the alcohol i've had in my life and not get to.4. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so... Can you look up the charcoal? Don't do that at home, kid. No, no, you can't swallow charcoal, Big Cat. You're on to something, though. They give you something to make you... They give you something black. Of course they give

you something. They give you something black. Is it Ipecac? Licorice. TJ, I need a win. I haven't had a win on one of these dumb things all week. Charcoal can help whiten your teeth. All week. Everything I've thought I knew, I need a win. I haven't had a win on one of these dumb things all week. Charcoal can help whiten your teeth. All week. Everything I've thought I knew I've been wrong about, except for the Taylor Swift thing.

That was right. Activated charcoal is often given after your stomach is pumped. Yes. That a boy. Fuck all of you. I wonder why. I'm back, baby. I'm back.

I am back. Say you're sorry. Can't be actual charcoal. Say you're sorry. Can't be actual charcoal. Say you're sorry. It's not what we know as charcoal. Charcoal fucking ripped. It's not what we know as charcoal. But no, it is charcoal.

Charcoal is charcoal. What do you use in the chat? No Ws. Oh, yes. Oh, I needed one. They use it to filter water, too. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I use charcoal toothpaste. Yes. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. Does that work? It's supposed to whiten your teeth. Well, I'm not sorry, but I do congratulate you on your victory. No, say.

Why would I say I'm sorry? Dan was right. Brandon was wrong. Brandon's dumb. Dan's cute. Add the cute part. I'm not doing all that. Add the cute part.

Do it. You were right. Apologize. You win. I'm not apologizing. You're dumb. I'm smart. You're dumb.

I'm smart. There we go. And the cute. It's true. And Dan's and dan's cute there we go there we go dan's a cute boy that was good what how does the charcoal work i have no fucking idea what do you get credit for if you don't even know how it works well no i of course i don't know how it works uh the guy who thought that air force guys got you oh it is charcoal tablet dumb cute motherfucker it makes you puke i think right i think it said they put it in there after your stomach it's yeah so first they pump everything out and then i don't know why that's tube oh naso gastric tube whenever i see something like this i

always wonder like the origin of it like someone's like they got to pump someone's stomach and one guy's like i got a crazy fucking idea yeah we're gonna put charcoal and put charcoal down yeah that's what the whole yak history was like these like the first guy first guy to do charcoal down his stomach yeah just like i'm so fucked up give me like maybe fell first face first into a barbecue just give me the fucking charcoal i feel good now i just puked everything up yeah jay and zah have you guys cheated death zah definitely oh zah's got it i I actually, I was thinking, I got two. The one was actually very serious when I had my bow legs, my bow leg surgery, my Lazaroff apparatus.

They, I forgot what they actually said because it was like 20 years ago, but they fucked up the anesthesia somehow. So it was a long surgery. I was like under for 10 hours holy shit so i had no idea i just woke up and you know i was in pain from the surgery and all that and then i find out years later and then when you actually read into it when you grow up you're like fuck i actually was gone holy so they were like we almost gave you too much anesthesia and you almost didn't wake up i forgot the actual official reason. I mean, that happens kind of often, right? Yeah.

Yeah. But to here, it was me. Not the worst way to go out. Not at all. One of the best. I mean, I guess the bad part would be like your last memory is like going in for surgery, which you're obviously like anxious about. Is it a memory if you're not there anymore?

Oh, shit. Fuck. It can only be a memory if you're not there anymore oh shit fuck it can only be a memory if you can remember it be smart yeah still cute smart brand but i guess all right so let me phrase it differently your last thing on earth was being anxious about a surgery that would suck but just never waking up yeah it'd be painless not the worst i'll be honest this is not really appropriate but i love anesthesia what do you mean it's like the best sensation i could ever think of it's the only time you get a break from existing wait but are you saying like uh the anesthesia you do at like the dentist where you're still like laughing no i'm talking i'm talking out like surgery how do you oh i had a lot of surgeries i had like six surgeries before i was

like 23 holy shit hockey appendix elbow shin i told the story on anus i broke my shin playing on an iphone that was unfortunate wait what do you mean pokemon go i'm sorry here and again but i it was just like right when the ip, remember when the first or second iPhone, they had the apps come out where they could use the motion of the phone? You had a Zippo lighter, and you could be like, wow, and a beer, and you could go like this. You could use the motion of the phone. So there was this game that came out called iGolf, where you just swung the phone like

a golf club. And I was in high school with my friends in the basement, and we were just ripping this thing to see who could go the furthest. And I was in socks, and I just threw it as hard as I could, and I slipped, and I fell, and I with my friends in the basement and we were just ripping this thing to see who could go the furthest. And I was in socks and I just threw it as hard as I could. And I slipped and I fell and I twisted my ankle super badly. And I just like got up, tried to walk, couldn't get up. And I was just like moaning and everyone is roughhousing running around. And so I was just laying there just like, Oh, and I'd broken bones before. And I was like, this is bad. I think I just twisted my ankle. And then I'm like, this is the beginning of

hockey season. This is so bad. I just may have fucked myself playing an iPhone game this is so embarrassing my friends are clowning me and then my ankle blew up like this and One of my friends said one of the dumbest things I've ever heard a human being said He looked me dead in the face and goes don't worry dude if it starts swelling it means it's not broken And I believe that yeah Don't worry, dude. If it starts swelling, it means it's not broken. I would have believed that. I was like, that doesn't sound that dumb. Sounds like it's not sound that dumb. I looked at him and I was like, if I could walk, I'd kill you.

And so then went to the hospital and they told me I broke my shin. I split my shin. Oh, my God. And then I had to get surgery. And then I became the kid. Like I would be at school in crutches and I'd be out doing stuff. And people come up to me like, oh, you're the iPhone kid. You're the iGolf kid.

And I was like, yeah, laugh it up. And I hit him in the shin with my crutches. And then I had this crazy Air Force hockey coach. He was a pararescue. Great guy. Nuts. He put me in a wheelchair. He's like, you're not done training.

And I used to go in the parking lot when the team was doing dry land training. And I would do sprints in the put me in a wheelchair. He's like, you're not done training. And I used to go in the parking lot when the team was doing dry land training, and I would do sprints in the parking lot in a wheelchair. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty metal. One time they left for a run and they got in trouble, and they were supposed to be back in like 10 minutes, and like an hour went by, and he told me just to do sprints. So one time in like a pitch black parking lot in November in Colorado,

I was in the back of this parking lot just doing suicides in a wheelchair. Just with your arms? Yeah, just with my arms. They were like, dude, who's this special kid back there? The parents were coming in. I was like, I'm just trying to put in my work. Yeah, that was bad. That was a bad one.

But the anesthesia was awesome. Yeah, I don't know if anesthesia is awesome. I don't know if I can agree with you there. It's like a fresh start. When you. It's just like a fresh start. When you wake up, it's a fresh start. You just finished surgery and have a ton of rehab. Yeah, that's true, but it's a fresh start. It's a fresh start.

I like that about it. It is dangerous. You have been opened up. Yeah. Have an open wound that has to heal for a while. It's the only time in life where you feel like you get like a, it's like an episode ends, and then you're on to the next season. You live your life in seasons?

Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I'm anesthesia right before we go to the new office. I remember you can like choose the flavor of your gas. I think I got like watermelon flavored gas my first time going under. That was cool. That's when they just think too hard. Remember? Yeah. They used yeah do that with the dentist when you're a kid like yeah oh the

flavors like bubble gum the fluoride suck oh for the foam like you can't those are the things that you can't yeah good i agree like when the people are like oh my dentist has like a tv with netflix i'm like i'm not gonna watch a netflix show i'm getting my teeth done oh i actually do i don't like that oh i do i don't like that yeah because i i hate the how you enjoy the show uh you don't really but you just watch something you've already watched before like it's like a comforting thing watch something you maybe already watched before yeah like i'll watch like you know like a documentary that i've already watched before so you know how it ends speaking of documentaries i watched the uh i started watching the beckham documentary last night. That clip was so funny.

Very good. Where he calls her out. Yes. Yeah. You find that clip when he calls out his wife? Yeah. We were working. I love Posh.

Victoria Beckham. What a bad drive. It was going viral. Did you guys see this? No. Because I think David Beckham probably didn't grow up. No. He grew up somewhat poor.

He grew up pretty poor. Yeah. Right. And Victoria Beckham did not. And she was like, he just caught her so great on camera. Yeah, no. She basically is like, yeah, me and David are both working class people. Her name was Posh Spice.

Yeah. I don't think she's working class. She wasn't working class Spice. Be honest. I am being honest. We started again. We're very working class. Pavo Spice. Be honest. I am being honest we started again we're very working pavo spice in class be honest i am being honest i am being honest did your dad drive you to school so my dad no my dad what car was it

all right it's not a simple answer because what did you get it depends no no, no, no, no, no. Okay, in the 80s, my dad had a Rolls Royce. And then it ends, he just goes, he just goes, thank you. It's so fucking great. It's a great documentary, though. You guys should watch it. I'm like halfway through it. Football season, I don't get to watch anything.

It sucks. There's so many things I want to finish and watch yeah you're in the zone right now I know I'm in the zone oh and no tattoo for you yes no tattoo very exciting I kind of like weirdly I didn't want to get a tattoo but then I spent all of yesterday

for people to watch PMT we made PMT and I made a tattoo bet in June for the Bears-Commanders game. Just the winner of that game. For no reason whatsoever. Tattoo of your choosing. So yesterday,

because I thought the Bears were going to lose because they lose every game, I spent all day planning out my tattoo to the point where when they won, I was like,

do I still want to get a tattoo? I don't think I will, but kind of. How large does it have to be whatever it's your choosing i mean breaking a 14 game losing streak on a tattoo bet they had lost 14 games in a row and i guess the tattoo bet they win pretty win convincingly like 20 yeah it was awesome good to win one good to finally how's pft doing i think he's pretty bummed he went to he went to the game yeah um and he was you know commander started two and oh he was talking soupy

so yeah he seems like a guy that would have already had several tattoos but he has no tattoos right oh i know that's surprising no no he's all talk he looks tattoo he's told me he has to now he has to finally he's told me for years when we end up talking about tattoos he's like oh i'm gonna get a plaid sleeve yeah he's said it a million times plaid half sleeve plaid half sleeve which would be cool as fuck yeah yeah you got many tattoos yeah i got a few now nick nick's been a bad influence yeah agreed he goes like once a week for a tab yeah and then i it's once you get one like i did uh similar to you like once i got a certain amount of subs on Twitch, I got a tattoo and I let the chat pick it with like marble races

and it was like a mad lib of a person, an object, a place. I ended up with Britney Spears and the tattoo artist just gave her humongous titties. Wait, can we see it? Yeah. Can I take my pants off? Oh, yes. Yeah. You've not seen this? No, I haven't. No, I don't think I have. I knew you got a tattoo i didn't

know what the final one that was britney that's dolly parton wait zoom in i'll turn a little bit to the towards tv oh huge job magnificent that's actually not a bad tattoo that's not terrible it could be worse got some ones in there a clock yeah clock? Yeah, so I had a person, a place, an object, and a quote. And the quote was submitted by Owen. And Owen and Greer. And Owen's girlfriend's boyfriend also has We Must Stop Living. Owen's girlfriend's boyfriend? It was like some random connection.

Three guys that have nothing. That's him. That's Owen. I don't know how I said it. Owen's girlfriend's boyfriend. Yeah, he also has. Put your pants back on. There's Owen. Well, I don't know how I said it. Just some... Owen's girlfriend's boyfriend. Yeah, he also has a girlfriend. Put your pants back on. There's a third random guy that has it.

And then I did a random font. It's a Spider-Man font. The clock is Casa Bonita, which is a restaurant in Denver. And then the Jordan 1 just got thrown in there. I think the reason why Britney has humongous titties is because... She does? Right. She does. Because Nancyosi almost won

oh yeah oh so it's britney with nancy pelosi's titties and i think in in the tattoo artist's mind he had pelosi on the brain yeah she's got a huge she is yeah so that's that that one's that one my mom wasn't pumped but i think now i don't know what to do with this thigh i want to get more on this thigh i have a few on this one but i don't know she's still out there yeah i, I don't know what to do with this thigh. I want to get more on this thigh. I have a few on this one. But I don't know. Nancy Pelosi's still out there. Yeah, I know. I don't know what to do with this one.

It's kind of hard to work around her. And then Ron gave me a hilarious idea. He said you should just do only female pop stars on your right thigh. I'm kind of questioning the chat right now. They chose Britney Spears over Nancy Pelosi? It wasn't a choice. It was marble races. Oh, I see.

I see. Yeah, so it was marble racing. What was the worst that you could have gotten? I was pretty scared of Pelosi. Yeah. That's pretty unexplainable. Political statement. Yeah. Pelosi thigh tattoo would have been difficult to spin.

Although if you ever found yourself in the same room as her, it's good ice cream. A conversation starter. Yeah. Take your pants off and show her yourself. I'm an ally of something. Yeah. Yeah. Look how big your titties are on my thigh.

Yeah. You could literally only bang Democrats for the rest of your life. Right. Which would be a huge blow to me. Yeah. Because people know me. I only fuck Republicans. It's one of my things.

It's only fucking the red. TJ, have you... Wait. So, oh, yeah. So, PFT is going to get a tattoo. I don't know what he'll get. He was saying maybe... Fuck. what did he say last night? Is he just coming back with it, or are you guys probably going to make a thing of it?

Might get it in New York after surviving Barstool, which I am, I got to be honest with you. You're dreading? I'm dreading it. No. You'll dread it now. Like, right now is actually worse. Once you're in it, you'll have fun. It's a game Okay so

This is obviously a very personal problem But I don't sleep Regularly Because of work, kids, whatever Like my son's school starts at 7.15 Which is brutal And I take him to school every morning So I don't sleep regularly

And then when I go on the road i feel bad that i'm leaving my wife with three kids so you steal time on the way back so if i'm on the road the only possible benefit of me being on the road is like i come back rested so i'm basically just like i'm i'm not sleeping and I'm also not helping at home you're fighting a two front war yeah we're going to Baton Rouge before you can even go home right no it's bad oh so right after the show wraps up you gotta go to

Baton Rouge that's why wait so I'm not complaining I have the best job in the world it's just more of like a like I said a personal problem of there's i'm not getting any benefit what is the rules is it the same rules on the sleeping situation as previous surviving barstools like are you guys sleeping in the office anywhere you can find i think we have i texted rob yesterday and i was like do we have like pillows and stuff and he said yes yeah i'll

give you a tip i found this when i did it if you go third floor that back back corner out loud but they're not gonna see it all right go ahead all you do is get there first back corner ups third floor remember where hank's desk used to be that back big corner room has a huge couch okay ac big tv I brought my PS4. And I was living. You should bring a PS4. It's good for the mentals. I solved a clue. I couldn't figure this one clue out.

And then I started playing FIFA. The one good thing is it is baseball playoffs, so I'll get to watch every game, which would be nice. You should bring a fan. The AC in the building shuts off at 1 a.m. That is true. What? Yeah, that's true. That sucks. Did they end up letting Francis in too? Is he in it or no?

I think he said he can't do it. He said he respectfully declines. I also decline. Did you? I respectfully decline. I think I'll have fun once I'm in it because I do like to be around the fellas. We'll make good content but

right now as we're sitting here i would like the best thing in the world if i canceled and was like to sleep my own bed for a week you know it would help with the situation if you're the first person to get voted out will they let you return to chicago for like five days you gotta hang around there yeah but yeah that's that's i mean it really it really comes down to like before i travel anywhere i get i'm just like fuck i wish i could cancel yeah you do that a lot i mean there's nothing better than canceling a travel plan oh it's the best the greatest thing ever and then you're like i can now i have all this free time opened up and this is sit on my couch this isn't just travel this is going and staying six days.

You wouldn't be able to deal with this. I respectfully declined when they asked me. And they asked me, I think they asked me multiple times. I don't know. I can't really remember if it was zero or multiple. I wish we were doing it in the Chicago office. I told them. Yeah. You want to put the picture up?

You said that. I went today. I was like, the picture you said that I went today I was like no you said no yeah I couldn't respectfully for asking me I know you asked all the big dogs I did it both respectfully and disrespectfully before when do you fly out well I don't

know when does Dan fly out tomorrow night you're gonna miss Nikki smokes housewarming party. What? I was I was invited. What? Where's my way?

What the fuck? That's my boy. So I was only invited. I was only invited under one. What's it called? A condition. Yeah. One condition.

I have to party. I can't just be like sitting in the back drinking water. Four. Yeah, that's. Yeah. Come on. I'm going to party. I can't just be sitting in the back drinking water. Yeah, that's not fair. Come on, I'm going to party. Anybody want a Nicky Smokes? Yeah, I want to know why me and Kate were invited.

I want to know why you weren't invited. Yeah, right. He has a house? There's no way he's going to have food at this thing in any way. It'll be like Cheez-Its. It'll be food that you put up your nose. Yeah.

Will there be cocaine? It'll be a nose snack. If you tell me there'll be cocaine, I'll be right. Bro, we're going to be dumping sack, dude. It's going to be sick. Do you have a housewarming party and you didn't invite me? What are you looking for? Yeah, what the heck?

We're not pranking you. We're pranking him. No, you are. He thinks we're pranking you. We're pranking them. No, you are. He thinks we're pranking them. I listened. Oh, no. You listened to the act? Thank you for listening.

Are you having a housewarming party? Yes. Is Donnie invited? Yes, I invited him last night. Who else is? I have to party, though, right? Yeah, there's no lame dads that aren't down to drink. Wait, whoa.

That's a direct shot, dude. You can be a cool dad and come. You haven't invited... Have you ever read that book? Cool Dad, Lame Dad? Right after us. But you just called us both out. I am a lame dad.

He's not a dad. She's not a dad. He's not a dad. Lame dad. Cool dad. Sober dad. I'm lame dad. Sober dad. Here's the thing. Sober dad.

You can say it. You don't want to come. Sober dad. No, I mean, I'm not saying you're uncool, but you're not going to party. You can't party without certain elements? No, not at 24 years old. I need bitches, alcohol, drugs. That might have been a mistake he's not he's not wrong the i'm i'm a lame dad fully lame dad

but i still have the ability to be cool dad when i want to do it but i would never waste it on nikki smoke's house why not that's really what it comes down to i would never like i when i want to become cool dad i have to be like preparing being like all right is this worth like me feeling like shit for the next three days right and if it's like old friends or like something fun Nikki smokes house party would be the bottom of the list that I would wait there's only so many bullets in the gun yeah I would waste a two-day hangover I couldn't even invite big cat if I wanted to because he stole the love of my life last night. Yeah.

What? Yeah. Explain this. So this girl is going to be my future wife, future mother of my children. She doesn't know it yet, but she will be. And she works for Live Golf, right? And she walked Big Cat and Brooks Koepka into the podcast thing. She's like, oh, do you know Nikki Smokes?

Big Cat was like, yeah yeah yeah this girl tells me last night that she thinks big cat is gorgeous oh and wants to know where he gets his groceries from oh i can't marry a sexy dad i remember her sex symbol i remember her we i remember this conversation because i was like oh do you know him from like florida and she was like no i just moved to chicago i just met him i was like damn nicky smokes question what is the code for where does he get his groceries from yeah what does that mean i don't know i'm trying to figure it out does he go to um what's mario mariano's she actually asked which grocery store he prefers? Yes. Did you tell her I have a family? I said he's married with kids. Leave him alone.

I feel like that's a big part of like, hey. That doesn't mean a thing to a Florida chick. Let her know I'm not interested. I will, but I can't look at her. You know what? I'm officially breaking up with this girl. Yes. I didn't even know we were dating. She's on the market.

I had no idea we were dating, but we are broken up. Don't call. Don't text. I'm on my number. You never did. It goes for you too, Marty. It doesn't even matter if you guys break up. No, we're broken up.

Yeah, but it's over. Don't talk. Don't say it like that. It doesn't matter if we break up. We are broken up. But that doesn't change anything. That's like if one of my boys hit. Oh, she'll be fucking you thinking of me.

Yeah, it would just ruin everything. That's a fact so but i didn't steal her he wasn't even aware i didn't even know it was a he stole maybe a 20 second conversation that's all you needed big cat i guess so still got it still got it got it yeah it's god dill dill that was an interaction so i think went that way this house housewarming party. Yeah. How many people do you anticipate being at the housewarming party? Like 40, 50. What? What's your house?

It's an apartment, right? It's an apartment. My apartment's like the size of this. And then I got a kitchen, high ceilings. Oh, so you're just going to have people like stacked? Yeah. No, no, no. I already got bottles at the house.

I got Coke. Cola. Cola. Cola. For mixers, tequila. Coke, no, no. I already got bottles at the house. I got Coke. Cola. Cola. Cola. For mixers. Coke will be there. Yeah. I got non-alcoholic beer.

This sounds like a throwdown. I will never come to your house. Yeah, it's not a kickback. I like going to house parties where I am squished. Yeah. I love beer. Okay. Now we're getting into rager territory.

I want people sweating. I want people lapping people lapping up I don't like going to parties And people are just sitting in the corner by themselves Nah I want a fucking rager Wait are you excited to go now Donnie Knowing that you will be squished up I'll have a safe space for you I don't need a safe space I can get down with him

Donnie's a great party guy I'm trying to squish and be squished I want you to come Kate Save space. I could get down with him. That was a true question. No, Johnny's a great party guy. I don't think anyone... I'm trying to squish and be squished. So who else is... I want you to come, Kate. I would... Honest, what is... I might even squash.

Hold on, you don't want the lame dad? She's eight months pregnant. Imagine people doing like body shots on your stomach. Oh, that's what... If Kate gets squished, we might have a problem now. Oh my God. Kate... Count me in.

I would love to be there. I would love to be there. I would love to be there. Kate can't get squished or squeezed. Who else is going from the office? Oh, I invited KB, Nick, Mook. They're all out of town. None of those are coming. I invited everyone here.

They actually decided to go out of town after the invite. Rudy, I'd love you to come. Thanks. I don't think you're going to come. I might go undercover and report on it. Which is wild. Yeah, I'm 30. I'm ready for 30.

Thank you. 30's not old. Yeah, it it. Which is wild. Yeah, I'm 30. I'm not ready for 30. Thank you. 30's not old. Yeah, it is. Compared to you. Yeah, 30's old. What's the music situation going to be? Have you thought of the whole setup? If you come, I'll put you on Ox.

Wait, how old are you, Nick? Okay. I'm 24. I can't wait 10 years from now. You're going to be the same. Yeah. It's like the best thing ever. You're going to be like 36 is old.

I'm 34 34 you're 34 no jesus christ i'm 38 oh yeah you're cooked dude i said it you can't say that back to me father of three okay exactly i told you i was cooked i've been cooked for a while when's the last time you got squished though i don't want want to get squished. Squished sounds unpleasant. Like I said, I feel very confident in my decision. Even though I wasn't invited, even though I have to go to Surviving Barstool, there's 0.0% chance I would waste

a hangover on a squish party. That sounds like my worst nightmare. You've worked it out well where whenever you want a party, you can just do a case race on the yak and then it doesn't have to take any time out of your job. Nikki's been asked a question by Stephen Che who said, Nikki Smokes, how old do you think Brandon Walker is?

You don't look a day over 38. He's so dumb, he's just going off whatever age I said it. Was I right? He thinks I'm the oldest person in the world. We're the same person, me and him. No, I honestly think Big Cat's younger than you, but maybe by like a year or two. Yeah, he's 38.

I'm 39. Was I right? No. Not even close. Brandon's 50. I'm 44. Yeah, that's close to 50. 44, yeah.

The next age. How old do you think Stephen Che is? He's 30-something. Stephen Che? That's true. He's right true he's right he's right even che's 22 nailed it yeah how about za careful anywhere between like 15 and 30 no za you're what 30 33 is everyone here 30 years old or older tj's not tj's not shout out my dog tj tj you want to come oh my god all i've said is i was invited to the party i haven't confirmed if i'm going it is but um i'm

not saying i will strongly consider the invite should i live stream it no no no god damn no i say yes we should live stream this yes no that's like yes we want them gone uh what have you told your neighbors that you're having a squish party no i don't give a fuck okay that's gonna be and how long does the squish party go till um you seem like the type of guy who like sends out a mass text or an email being like seven to question mark question mark question mark yes and like look how sick yeah i mean i don't really like put a time on my parties it's kind of i wake up the day of the party i start drinking and then we'll show up and then what time does the party i don't know that you just described a party seven eight i mean i'm starting

at like 11 a.m i have another question you. You just moved here. Almost died. Like where is the rest of the 40 people coming? So my roommate, we went to high school together. His girlfriend's from here. So we just like integrated. And then I met that group. And then through that group, I met another group. And then through that group, I met another group. And then through like the pengtings that I've been talking to,

they put me down with their friends. And then it's just like a big. This is a summit. So stop, stop. Don't even, don't even. even just what is you don't know what a peng ting is or panting yeah i i know what a fit bird is it's jamaican british slang wait but hanks over i've heard i've heard about tings i've never heard about peng ting peng is like saying hot in british like if she's paying like Like rockets. Yeah. Peng Ting. Okay, wait.

Sounds Chinese. You're diving deeper. You know that, right? No, no. Is my ex-girlfriend going to be there? No. I uninvited her. I kicked her out of my life.

What the fuck? It's not her fault that she fell in love with me. It is. It's a problem. No, it's not. It's his fault. Listen, let's say... It's my fault for existing.

Yeah. Big hat. Let's fast forward. Don't take it out on her. Cute ass. Let's fast forward eight years from now. Hypothetically, everything goes well. I'm still working here.

Me and you become best friends. I invite you to my wedding, right? This is way out there, man. This is hypothetical. It'll never happen. Just hear me out. I'm with you. I'm with you.

I can't watch my girl walk down the aisle and she's fucking looking back. I fucking Big Cat. Like, I can't do that. So then I won't go to your wedding. Problem but i can't i can't i can't do it i can't like it's done it's dead how about this how about this you date her we won't become best friends i won't go to your wedding boom make a promise now that you will not go to his wedding you i will not go to your wedding nikki smokes all right that's fine she's still dead to me unless it's a squish wedding then I might come okay are we friends yet or no it's up to Jerry I don't what was the more ridiculous hypotheticals Nikki smokes working at barstool for 10 years or me and him becoming best friends

damn that kind of hurt yeah it was meant to hurt yeah it's all right I'll bounce I got you I know exactly the type of guy you are And that's why I like you that's why I bought all the stock Thank you You can take it and it will You're kind of like a Che light Where like you could say something to you And it doesn't really register

So I feel comfortable being able to say things to you Yeah he's Che if Che sucked It's a great asset to have at this company Did you just say I sucked? No I didn't things to you yeah he's che if che sucked it's a great asset to have at this company i sucked no no no no i didn't he said you're chafed i actually think that there's a actually think i think you'll be here for a long time i don't know if we'll ever be best i think you're fucking perfect thank you i think we're i think we're working towards friendship we've made yeah the last week has been

if we were at a five percent chance of becoming friends we We're at now at least a 40%. I love that. I've said it. I'll keep saying it. Every time I tweet it, my approval rating goes down when I'm saying I like Nikki Smokes. Everyone's like, well, fuck you. We hate you. I'll keep saying it. I like Nikki Smokes.

What's my stock price at? Buck 50. Way higher than I thought. But it was ten cents like two weeks ago. Yeah. Did you buy low? I bought it at ten cents. Love that. Yeah.

I'm. He's an IPO guy. And I'm not diversifying my portfolio. Imagine all the pink. But you can't really buy stocks because you can do like insider trading. Oh, I can definitely do insider trading. You can move the stock prices easily. I can pump and dump Nicky Smokes if I have to.

Yeah. I will absolutely pump and dump him. What did you say? Pause. Oh, I'll pump and dump the fuck out of him. Make no mistake about it. Pump and dump sack. Yeah.

All right. Now on the pro football show, Nicky Smokes. So of the people attending this squish party, what percentage do you think will be Barstool employees? Probably zero. Damn. What'd you invite? Damn, that kind of hurts my feelings now.

You. Like, does no one fuck with me? Hey, if one other Barstool employee considers going, I will consider going. I'm very. Okay. Rudy's going. I will be hands down the oldest person at that party, though.

At a certain point, I got to be a friend and a journalist. I'm hoping that I'm going to be one of those journalists from the UN and Iraq. That's how I would... We'll go, and we're going to have a safe word. And whenever someone drops that word, we have like 60 seconds

to get the fuck out. Yeah, Xville. Nick and KB, did you invite both of them? Yeah, I put them in a group chat. And what'd they say? Well, Nicky said if I wasn't traveling I'd be there 1000%. He's lying. You think he's lying? I think he's a little too nice.

I think he'd be there. I don't think he'd stay long. Nick is so nice. He can't say no. He probably would've made a show. I think he's my dog though. I fuck with him. He's a good. I can't say no. He probably would have made a show. I think he's my dog, though. I fuck with him. He's a good kid.

I think he would show up. He is a good kid. He's a great kid. What do you think about the new Drake album? I think of Nick. Top lad. I think good kid. I got to keep listening to it, but there's like six songs that just shouldn't be on the fucking album.

Are you talking about Drake now? Yeah. Oh. Well, I actually. Did it just drop? Because I watched you having a conversation with someone, and then in the middle of the conversation you go, shut the fuck up, new Drake just dropped.

Appropriate. Yeah, that's fair. And the person was like, okay. Drake day. And Donnie's a well-known, huge Drake fan. I have one of these Zins I ran out. Yeah? This guy, dude.

He's insane. Do the High Noon ad, Rudy. Yes. Nicky Smokes is insane. I love do the High Noon ad read, Rudy? Yes. Nicky Smokes is insane. I love him. High Noon. It's time to load up the ice and break out the oversized lawn games because the High Noon Game Day Pack is back.

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before your next tailgate and find a pack near you. That was good reading by me. That was great reading. That was a Drake line, too. Will you be playing the Drake album? Yes. What else is on the playlist? It's going to start like straight drake album 1 through 23 maybe 1 through 25 let that fucker now this sucks because i now i know i'm

gonna be i'm excited i'm telling you like if you're in town you need to be there pull up oh it's a cnbc type of place yeah maybe i'll maybe i'll stop by right before i go to the airport one thing you should know is that nikki smokes has a coffee table i heard him talking about it and um i guess it's the first time he's ever had a coffee table and he's just amazed by him just the idea yeah the idea of a coffee table like you're just sitting on your couch and you put your like your handout and your beer is on the table like it's so convenient yeah you could also dump sack on it like yeah what so so how often uh in a given week are you wowed by your coffee table um every sunday for sure that's that's really when it hits you're like yeah i'm like holy fuck i'm living the most

blessed life yeah i got i got wings i kind of like that sunday is coffee table day yeah it is so how hungover are you gonna be on sunday i don't get hungover i'm built different yeah you're lying no it's a 24 year old you're 24 yeah i'm built you're gonna get hungover you're built young yeah you're eventually you'll hit a point 30 like late 20s early 30s where you start getting hangovers you're like oh yeah i think we were talking about that today right chai i because i was asking him i'm like well you actually i should clarify you may never get to that point and then you just be an alcoholic well that's what i was gonna say i'm like yeah i'm kind of tired of being a loser but i really only rage on the weekends like i don't drink throughout the week so why are you tired of being a loser because it's like i get a paycheck

and it's like oh let me go buy a table. Oh, let me go do this. Oh, let me go out to eat. That sounds like exactly what you want to do. Yeah. I get that. You don't need to be getting table service. No, you're doing.

You're exactly right. Yeah, don't think these thoughts. 36, I don't think I have ever gotten table service. I grew up on tables. Yeah? You didn't ever have a coffee table. That is true. I did not have a coffee table not a coffee table vip table

yeah very different kind of table all right but okay all right i can go hold on hold on hold on all right you go you go i'll tag you in grew up on tables grew up on tables i mean you were getting table service when you were 15 he fell off the porch when he was 14. Yeah, jumped off the poach. I'll never forget it. The first time I went, it was Capone's twerk Thursday. That makes sense, yeah. And I'll never forget it. Amanda Hall, she won the twerk off. They gave her 200 bucks and I fell in love.

Was she good? Oh, she was great. She loves Big Cat too. Probably. Big Cat's got all my bitches. I'm cooked. I cannot wait to see this apartment. I'm hoping it's like- It's very clean. It's so small.

I'm hoping it's identical to Quagmire's apartment. Yeah. Oh, man. Nicky, you shouldn't say you're 24. Yeah. That's when you should be doing stupid shit with your paycheck. Oh, all right. Good.

So I'm like on track. No, you're not a loser. I'm the love of God. Hold on to that. If we had this conversation in like six years I'm like on track. No, you're not a loser. For the love of God, hold on to that. If we had this conversation in like six years, I'd be like, yeah, maybe you are a loser. So this is normal? Yeah.

Yes. 24? I'm in my bag, though. Are you kidding me? Don't let it go. I would love to be 24. You're not ready for self-awareness. No.

No. I don't think I've ever had any. My ex-girlfriend actually sent me a self-awareness book after we broke up. I threw it in the trash. You threw it in the trash? Yeah, and emotional intelligence. You're like, I don't get it.

Both books? Yeah, I threw them right in the trash. What did she say? Was it a messy breakup? I'd rather not talk about it. Okay, all right. That's a yes. Yeah.

I usually spill the tea, but it was like- Self-awareness. I do respect her, so I don't want to- Go ahead. That a boy. That's a yes. Yeah. I usually spill the tea, but it was like. Self-awareness. I do respect her, so I don't want to. Good, good, good. That a boy. That a boy. See how I'm growing up. That's good that you respect some bitches.

Yeah. Yeah. But all the other birds, that's just free hunting. Yep. Been there, brother. Did you do well back in the day, Brandon? I feel like you probably cleaned up. Like, how many bodies do you have?

We literally are like... We asked for it. Yeah, we did. You asked for it specifically. This is... Oh, hell no. You didn't get no bitches. Well, that was early.

That was 18. 18? It's like we just found the perfect douchebag. It's the crack rock of douche. I'm drawn to it like a moth to a flame. It's like it was created in a lab. When people only vaguely know about Barstool Sports, they just assume every

employee is they think it's like half mickey smokes and half dukes that's the entire company yeah it's just like there's something about him that's like god he's so detestable but i like him detestable means you're you're the fucking worst yeah you are the word but at the same time you might be the best right like that right you the best Right That's where I'm drawn to Yeah you're the worst but you're Authentically the worst I think you have a good heart Which is important

Our relationship needs to get over One little hump and I need to be Completely upfront and honest with you Please Look at me when you say this zoloft is kicking in yeah you got superpowers you got superpowers right so you know how you're a dolphins fan yes and you know me i've been a dolphins fan since 1984 yes i'm a dolphins fan yes go ahead you got this You practiced this morning in the mirror. Last week,

we were leaving the college football show and I was getting in my car and dancing. You're going to say wait! I don't think you should say this. What the fuck is that? I'm going to say it. If I'm ever going to be friends with him, I'm going to say it.

Say it. It's hard. Yeah, I it. I was... It's hard. Yeah, I know. I know. I was getting in my car, and Dan was getting in his car, and he said, wait, wait, Brandon. I said, what's up? He said, tomorrow. Bills.

And I said, bills? And I got in my car, and I drove home. And then the next morning, I woke up, and I texted him. I said, still the bills? He said, yeah. I put $200 200 on the bills and i bet the bills that's fine i forgive you just wow i mean you just know deep when you look at yourself in the mirror at night you know you're a dirtbag no because it won so easily i get it look if he if the dolphins had won then brandon we're gonna get him back in Miami. We're going to split the season series.

We're fine. I forgive you. I gave Brandon, like, I essentially. He gave me free money. I handed him an ATM card and was like, here's the pin. I chose $200. It could have been whatever I wanted it to be. Yeah.

All right. That's fair. I mean, you should have slammed him. I should have made it a game of the year. It's all right. We're fine. I forgive you. It's not that big of a deal.

Thank you. Thank you. As long as you weren't. You still fuck with me? me yeah you're my dog i fuck with you good he was one of the first people to reach out to me on twitter that was yeah that didn't hate me yeah i did congratulations blah blah i was very nice to you appreciate that but you also you dm me in 2019 yeah i did yeah how big of a fan you were so yeah i appreciate that well i don't know if i call i don't know if i said I was a fan. I was just sending him my content like, yo, check me out, check me out.

That's almost. No, he's got it. I have a mixtape. Yeah. I wouldn't have remembered it if you didn't compliment me. It was just like gambling shit. I think I told him like I'm red hot. I don't know.

I think you should. I used to follow Gary Vee, and I would just blow up everyone's DMs at Barstool. Because Gary Vee was like, if you want a job, just DM everyone. Now people DM me, and I don't fuck with them. It's all coming together. That adds up a lot. The fact that Gary Vee was your mentor without ever meeting him. Well, it was COVID.

That's all you really had. You know what? It's all me. You're right. It's true. And during COVID, all we had was Gary Vee. You're right. Gary Vee got me through COVID.

All you did. One of the most important people in my life, my dad, my mom, Gary Vee. That's Gary Smoke. And then now imagine them being shot in the face. We're just not Gary Vee. Please not Gary Vee. All you did was send me a tweet saying I'm hot. Yeah.

I'm one of the thickest girls on OnlyFans. It said, I'm hot. Patriots, Chiefs, nfl team up to ruin my over 49 and a half i don't know what all that meant yeah i don't know that doesn't make sense yeah i was probably drunk hashtag nfl hashtag patriots chiefs hashtag rigged you should get spider on here one day and have him read the drunk text i would send him yeah i brought dave the kobe jersey they gave me spider's number and like I would just be at the club I'm like oh I fucking hate my job bro like get me in the door blah blah blah all right then I got the job it was hype we will do that all right wait Stephen you had a question then I have another question for Nicky Smokes because every time we peel a

little bit of the onion it just keeps going I'm firmly of the ilk that you cannot bet against your team at all. I don't bet against my team, but it was such a lock. Hold on, hold on. Are you staring at me? You're the one that bet the Dolphins. Or bet the Bills against the Dolphins. I'm of the ilk that my heart and my money are two different things. It also was such a lock.

Yeah. Like, it won so easily, Steven. I have bet against Mississippi State before. I wouldn't bet against my teams, but you have. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You bet what? I bet against Mississippi State before. You have? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You bet what? I bet against Mississippi State before.

Yes. I would never bet against my team, but it was such a lock and I gave it. Brandon actually told me to pay them last week. It's an emotional hit. It was free money. It was literally free money. The Dolphins, if you play that game 100 times, the Dolphins will win the game once. I hate it.

Stop it. That's disrespectful. If I'm out there betting for money, I want to make money. Yeah, that's true nicky i got a question for you what's up uh don't buddy me do you read it all i'm guessing no no i read all the time all right i read the bible you said what's the name name three books of the bible you got Proverbs, John, Mark Okay there's three

He's not a squish part He's dumping sack He's a god Monday through Friday I'm a good man How often do you read the Bible? Monday through Thursday What do you mean you read it every day? Yeah I'm almost done with it

No Nick this is where. I'm almost done with it. No, Nick, this is where you... I'm not... 24 years. I'm almost done with it. It is long. It's long. It's honestly a really good book. Like, it's wild.

Like, I thought the Bible was going to be different. Like, it's, like, people dying, wars, murder, like... It's not entertainment. The Old Testament's entertaining. The Old Testament goes crazy. Fairy tales and shit. Like, nah. It's kind of a dark book.

Do you really read it? Especially the Old Testament. No, Nicky, you missed a perfect chance there, Nicky. That's where you should have said, the only time I read the Bible is on a girl's rib cage. Oh. I like back tattoos, though. Did you go to church?

Yeah, I did. Like, when I was back home. Okay, but you don't go now. No. That would be so perfect, because you went to church every week, no matter i was back home but okay but you don't go now no that would be so perfect if you went to church every day every week no matter what religion starts next week piece of shit yeah yeah all right so you read the bible so you do read yeah um i i also read the the laws of power 48 laws of power what is that a 50 cents book yeah no it's i don't remember his name okay um i learned a lot but i can't tell you because if i

tell you what then you'll know my power and then it's not a power do you have a favorite bible passage like one that yeah like john 13 7 what's that it's based along the lines of you might not know what i'm doing now but you will one day something along those lines that's a very bad quote but like that's like the book got it okay. Have you ever heard of the name Grant Cardone? Yes. Okay. That was a stupid question by me. I would like to buy you, I'd like to gift you the Grant Cardone 10X book.

Will you? I will. I have it in my house. I would love for you to read it. I feel like your powers will be unlocked if you buy into the 10x lifestyle. Okay. I feel like in his case, that's true. I feel like it really would.

Yeah, no, it will work on him. It wouldn't work on anyone else here. No, no, no. Why? Have you read the book? He's a true believer. Right. Right.

He's a true believer. Yeah, this is me. I think he's kind of a fraud, though. No, you don't. No? Do you? He's got a PJ. How could he be a fraud with a pj yeah i've been on a pj that was life-changing now i just feel like a broke bum every time i fly a commercial when did

you go on a pj um i had a finish line suite at the kentucky derby and then this guy there hit like a superfector or something and he's like multi multi-millionaire and he just flew me back home on his pj and i met tom brady yeah it was pretty cool how could you how could you afford the suite i mean i didn't buy it so my my boy's dad owns like a huge like horse company up in Kentucky. Okay. Also, shout out Game of Silks. No free shout outs. And they bought the box.

All right, nice. And that's basically how I got in there. I can't believe you just did that. Game of Silks was literally about to spend $3 million advertising on the Yak. They still will. You gave it away. No, I'm best friends with the owner of the company. All right, let's get a deal done.

I will. All right, so your sugar a deal done. I will. All right, so you're sugar daddy. Don't have one. I mean, you're technically my sugar daddy. Oh, man, that might be right. I want you to read the 10X book. All right. I want to give you it as an assignment, and I want a book report on the yak.

Book report as in, like, how many words? You can decide. You could also use pictures. I want a full slideshow of how 10 X can change your life or maybe has changed your life. Okay. Start reading it. All right. I feel like you will be unlocked.

The only thing is, is I know inside that book, he's going to tell me to stop drinking and doing drugs. And I just don't think I'm ready for that. He might tell you to just do 10 times as many drugs. That's true. That would kill me. What multiple would kill you? I almost died once at EDC Vegas.

Okay. Oh, you were talking about that earlier. I took a tab of acid and an ecstasy pill at the same time. We call it candy flipping. And I literally was outside of my body looking down on myself. When you say we, how many people call that candy flipping? Back in Florida? Yeah, that's a thing.

We call that. It is? Candy flipping? Candy flipping. Have you candy flipped, Rudy? I have not candy flipped. Yeah, you have. No, I have not.

Yeah, you have. I got homies, though. Okay. No, I'm good. I'm done with all that shit. No more of that. No more candy flipping. I would just do do the flip I wouldn't do the candy yeah I want to see you

in the 10x lifestyle I think this is something that you could use you'd do very well maybe it's even like our mentorship program starts like hey every time you're like hey big cat can I get you for 10 minutes I'm like read chapter 3 whatever he says i say yeah and we just go from there yeah i'm down

do you actually think you're built different or are you saying that ironically no like my my tolerance and ability to drink and like keep raging on like on the weekends is different all right i do have to warn you the last person at this company who claimed to be built different didn't last long. Who was built? Who did that? I mean, I don't. Mooj. I'm not trying to say that.

Mooj used to always claim to be built different. I'm not saying that like I'm better than anyone. I'm just talking about in terms of like being able to rally on the weekend. Like there's something wrong with my head that just allows me to keep going. Okay. That sounds great. Well, you. I fucking love this guy. I love this guy. I i can't you can't get enough it's just it goes against everything that

like i believe in but i love them yeah it's uh you guys yeah you fuck with us yeah i fuck with us heavy heavy heavy heavy hey you rocking with it 10 toes down what is that goes down like i got both feet down i'm standing oh yeah standing on business yeah yeah i have a question for rudy though okay you're a good looking dude thank you it's not a question you're 30 you've got more experience than me say you do like a girl and she asked what your body count is do you lie to her or is there like a certain number you fall back on? Because I always just say seven. You just say seven?

Yeah. You just don't say a number. Really? You just do not say a number. Just let it happen. Don't say a number. Just say, I honestly don't know. But then that makes you sound like a whore. Then you got to live with that.

What would you rather hear, Kate? I don't know, or seven? You're asking the wrong lady. You're asking the way wrong lady. Also, no one you should be dating. There's nothing you can say to shock her. No one should ask me this anymore, right? Yeah, no one should.

Comment section. The only people that ask. It's like weird science. I love them. The only people that ask your body count are podcasters. Yeah, I don't think. And if they're asking in real life, then it's a joke and they don't want the real answer. Yeah, I think they're joking. Yeah, they don't want the real answer. It's not a real thing, so don't think And if they're And if they're asking In real life Then it's a joke And they don't want The real answer Yeah I think they're joking

Yeah they don't want The real answer It's not like a real thing So don't say it So do you What do you say Do you lie Seven

Or you just Don't say seven No matter what Why cause it's God's number Oh my god I'm fucked up That's the bible Talking to you boy

Oh Yeah That is I should say six Yeah Well no but six six six yeah no you should just say a joke be like two hundred thousand yes yeah are you asking the ladies what their body count is no i would never yeah i wouldn't be shocked too if you're one of those

guys who's like actually i'm a virgin to try to get it yeah yeah like you're the first and i've never loved someone like i love you oh you, you call me reading the Bible? Shit. No, no, no. You're the virgin. No, but say a girl was saving herself for marriage. That'd be tough to break it in. Jesus. That sex would be terrible.

Yeah, no, you're right. That'd be terrible. Can I tap out we might be nikki smokes overload yeah all right wait last question nikki how are how's the nfl season going what is the 70 mark um 16 and 12 right now the bears that's not 70 percent no the season's not over that's also true that is very true like why can't i get hot okay but what's 16 16 it's like two games over 500 right six percent 55 60 i was at 60 and then i seven percent 57 16 and 12 yeah yeah 16 divided by 28 am i doing that right yep yeah 57 yeah i got plenty of time i just got to

get hot what are your picks this weekend um I love the Steelers, plus four. The Chiefs line is kind of tripping me out. I kind of want to bet them. I love the under in the Niners game, under 45. Who's playing quarterback for the Steelers? Doesn't matter. Kenny Pickett, I think. You don't need him.

He's okay? Jerry reported Kenny Pickett was playing. I'd like him more if Trubisky played. I might even get an extra point. I don't think it matters who plays that game. I think the Steelers. I agree with you there. And I also like the Jags over the Bills.

Okay. And I like. That sounds like you're chasing a lot of fun. Yeah, that's a spite pick. And that Houston just sounds like the biggest trap ever. Like, I don't know how Atlanta's minus two against Houston. Yeah. That's all I really like.

Okay. Wait, there might be one more. Oh, there could be one more. No, that's it. Okay. Close. I'm in relief. Goddamn.

On the edge of a mountain there. All right. Well, Nicky, thank you. Good luck at the squish party. Thank you. Are you coming or no? I have a flight to New York on Saturday. Yeah, no, you can't bullshit out of this. No, I won't.

Yeah, he's going to. Will there be mad bitches? Yes, there will be more girls there than guys. And if that's not the case, you're going to kick some guys out? Yeah. Okay, good. All right. That's respectable. I'll bow out. If I showed up with four dudes, you're going to kick some guys out? Yeah. Okay, good. All right. That's respectable.

I'll bow out. If I showed up with four dudes, you're going to be like, ratio, bro, fuck off. See you at work on Monday. Get the fuck out of here. You and Rudy can pull up together. That's it. Can I bring my wife?

Nah, because she's taken. Is she cool? Yeah, that is one less bitch you can fuck. That's fine. Okay. I mean, I don't try to fuck every girl I look at. That's a positive. Admirable.

I think he's taking that back. That's reassuring. I'll see you on Saturday. I gotta reevaluate my life. I mean, there's... I like you. Yeah. You're all invited

I'll be there I really do want to do one body shot off your screen okay thank you Nikki son comes to her when he's 16 tell me some stories about 4 hours well Nikki Smokes took a body shot off of you

I feel like if he called me at three in the morning i was like i need to be picked up from where i'd be like yeah i'm coming to yeah i might bring tostino pizza rolls yeah drop them off yeah you bring that um he's like that you made that was so good i don't think it's actually gonna happen i don't know it's not actually yeah no i mean i don't i would hope that beef wouldn't allow that i don't think it's actually going to happen. I don't know. It's not actually going to happen. Yeah, no. I mean, I would hope that Beave wouldn't allow that. I don't care. I think Beave might go himself. Beave might go, yeah.

Yeah. I'd go with Beave. No, my curiosity. Let's send Beave. The Beave would arrive at that party, I think. Yeah. Let's pull up with him, Donnie. He would be closing deals.

He would probably sign five of the guests. It's like a tornado just went through through and you're looking at all the trees that are down. I can't believe it did this much damage. I'm having to come to grips with the fact that I like him. I actually do and I think he's funny and I think he's actually a weird character that

I like. But then if you like a douchebag to that level, does that make you a douchebag? Oh yeah. It's like a lot of self-reflection going on. I need that self-awareness book that he threw out that his girlfriend bought i would love to have her on the axe yes emotional intelligence yes parting gifts no eq yeah i wouldn't mind having people from nikki smokes past on on just to see Because that means that even she saw redeemable. Yeah.

That even she was like, just a couple more things and you'll be all right. What's the chat saying? Is he starting to win people over? I think so. Good. I want him to win people over because I want them to see what I see. That he's like, I think he's a good person. He just.

A douchebag. A douchebag. Which you need douchebags. Like that is that is yeah if you're making a whack pack in like a big office like you need a douchebag you absolutely do you need a mincey you need smokes yeah like he plays a role that is needed yes like yeah like i would i like i would that's exactly who i would want to be so i'm fine

oh there you go oh look at chase hulk hogan i'm holding jerry i can't really explain why but like i would prefer consuming his content than nelk than nelk content and like because i find nelk to be very douchey but i feel like he's our nelk boy yeah Because I find Nelk to be very douchey. But I feel like... He is our Nelk boy. Yeah, but... Those guys are geniuses. Yeah.

Very successful. Oh, man. He is our Nelk boy. You want to show the picture, TJ? I literally said pull up the picture of the office like 45 minutes ago, and then Nicky Smokes came up. Oh, yes.

Ooh. Woo. What a beauty. It looks like a loading screen in a 2K video game. Yeah. That's exactly what it looks like. This is like a facility. Yeah.

And that's like not, I mean, that's maybe 30% of the office. So we have volleyball lines? No, I think those are pickleball lines. So the left of this is where the simulator is. That big space right there is where we still might build the roof ball, but we've got to see if it makes sense um maybe a bocce court too a bocce court would be ideal after the roof ball guys our side past the the poles oh okay cool turf run yep can i say something i was roof ball guys are kind of douchey to our guys i'm kind of out on roofball. No. The owner of

roofball, the guy who won ours, he hit me up and he was like, I was watching the act, he's like, you're right about the commentary. So he's, I think he didn't, he started the league, but I think the commentary was kind of separate of him, but he was like, I would love

help and ideas of how to make this more fun because like i agree with everything you guys say that it's supposed to be like more fun than serious i'm back in them yeah no he's a good dude i like him a lot and so we were i already told him we're 100 in to host a chicago invitational for part of the uh u.s open qualification process um and i mean if we ever build the one inside if it can be up to code we'll do we'll maybe do a u.s open we'll see we so the the roof ball court that we were going to build uh i went and looked at it when they like mocked it up and the decision was let's not build it right now knowing we can add it so it's like it we what we did with the

construction doesn't take away from the fact like we could easily build so it's like it we what we did with a construction doesn't take away from the fact like we could easily build one it was more like i don't want to build one and then realize that it doesn't make any sense no instead i want to live in it and then build it feel the space out a little bit and then yeah so it could still be coming but yeah it looks oh yeah and there's like desks and shit looks sick looks sick you want to do the other ad brandon where did those sheets go oh good then bolero there's nothing more fun than a night of bowling and every time i go bowling i'm like why don't i bowl more often it's just the perfect activity if you're looking for the ultimate spot for a fun night out bolero has got you covered with

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We would shut it down, like 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. Visit a Bolero near you every Monday and Friday night. Wow. They got unlimited bowling two nights a week and their food is good. Take advantage of this season's best deals on the lanes. Head on over to Bolero.com and find the place near you. Bolero. They're talking about their bowling and it's all great, but they got the, they got all the games. They got honey mustard. Yeah. Good. This is niche, but it was fantastic. I was like drinking it. I don't think honey mustard is going a long ways. But it's hard to find a good honey mustard.

I'm just saying. They had all their food out, and I was like drinking it. Shout out to Bolero for your good honey mustard. Thanks. Yeah. Good food. Shout out to Bolero. Shout out.

Who's on the wheel? Should I make a request? Yeah. So, wait, yeah. Are you going to be around next week? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It seems like the majority of people are going to. The important ones are, yeah. Are you going to be around next week? Yeah. Okay. Seems like the majority of people are going to.

The important ones are, yeah. Okay. Me, Che, Jerry, PFT, Hank. Yeah. Nick and KB are going to New York? They're here. Okay. Cass is going to be here.

Okay, cool. We'll be doing the yak from here because they've decided, which I actually agree with, us doing live shows every day would have probably been spoilers so I think Rogue is hosting Barstool Radio and then we'll be here can I make my request? yeah

can we take mousetraps off the wheel? please? they bother me I would like them to be off the wheel there's a 1 in 10 chance that it's going to be you it's actually a one in times it. But I don't think that the diminishing returns, I don't think it's as funny. We keep doing it.

Can we take it off the wheel? I'd like to make that formal request. I have a dumb one for October. Yeah, that's fine, Kate. I'm doing this right now. Can I make my formal request to the board? Okay. Can we take Mousetrap off the wheel?

Okay, so the board has heard your request. You've read your paperwork. You forgot to fill out some important details. Therefore, we have to deny it. You've got to fill out your name. And gender. The board can be a real dick sometimes. Damn.

Shut up, Zah. No, keep going, Zah. What was the... You know how people put their babies in the pumpkin? They put two little leg holes in the pumpkins and they put their baby... Somebody has to get a photo. They have to be in the pumpkin. They have to do a little pumpkin.

So you have to find a big pumpkin. You got to find the biggest pumpkin. But you have to be the baby in the pumpkin. Yes. With the two leg holes. yeah yes i don't know why it came to me in the car today and i said i'd like to see me and you there's not a pumpkin big enough there is no there's a bikini on you it'll cost you like 500 years will be like a thong i will fund it pumpkin thong yeah pumpkin photo shoot um i'm picturing you in a pumpkin thong yeah that's our little pumpkin and they get to pick we'll make it we'll we'll do we'll have an actual

photo shoot and we'll make it a uh like we'll make a hundred posters then you can get a little bit more you can get a little more sultry. Well, she makes a request, and bing, bang, boom, we're doing it. Yeah, the board works in mysterious ways. Yeah, well, it was an addition. Yours was a subtraction. Would you like to submit again? You forgot to fill out the paperwork. All right, I would like to officially.

I've checked all the boxes, crossed all the T's, dotted all the lowercase J's. Everything's in. What if we didn't have mousetraps on the wheel because it freaks me out okay um the board has just met again you're and we've come to a decision we've heard you we understand the mousetraps cause anxiety even though now you're on zoloft and that's it kicked in just quite yet respectfully the board has to decline your request no disrespect feels disrespectful no it you can file if you feel that way you can file appeal yeah not even on the board i'm on the board what yeah rudy's on the board what rudy can you

read back what was said at the end of my uh, the board's ruling. What was the last two words? Respectfully decline. And then what was the other two words? I don't remember. No disrespect. No disrespect. So I don't know where you can... I don't know where the idea that you got disrespected. Is this no disrespect right there on the paperwork? It's a notarized form

of no disrespect. Everyone's signed in blood. From the board. The blood board. disrespect Everyone signed in blood From the board Everyone signed in blood from all the mousetraps But Kate throws out pumpkin underwear And all of a sudden we're all just wearing pumpkin underwear I've said We're going to be pumpkin babies

Only one of us will be a pumpkin baby Yes yes Okay I think it's got to be I think it's got to be two people I think whoever gets picked gets to pick the other person Yeah Whoever gets picked gets to pick who the That is true

Oh yeah we do have to do a calendar Yeah you're right we'll put it on the calendar That is truly terrifying Oh my god And you have to be on a bicycle That's sick You'll somehow look worse than that. I'll definitely look worse than that.

Definitely look worse than that. Yeah, we do have to do a calendar. Put a reminder chain. When do we need to do the calendar back? I'll check with the planner. Okay. Okay, this is a great week of Yak. I feel like, I'll say this, I'll be honest with the audience, I feel like we're finally back. It was a weird couple weeks. Well, now wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute, because we got you out of town. We'll be honest with you. The audience, I feel like we're finally back. It was a weird couple weeks. Well, now wait a minute.

Wait a minute because we got you out of town. We got Sanson next week. Then you're going to come back. We're going to have a big final week here. Soon we're going to be full steam ahead. I understand. I think New York is going to be incredible and I think it's the start of the new season. I'm just saying this was like, I think we can all

admit there was a little bit of period in between where it was like the move and everything. It was like, oh, fuck. I feel like we're back. I feel like this was the week we were back. Yeah. You don't feel that way? I'm just focused on the mousetraps right now.

But yeah, it feels good. Feels good. You can appeal at any time. I'm going to bring the request to the board every day. Okay. The chat had a vote and it was overwhelming that we should get rid of the mousetraps. No. I was pretty shocked. You want to do a mousetraps. I was pretty shocked. You want to do

a chat vote? I was pretty shocked. Chat, I will suck your dick. Where are you going? Oh! You didn't even flinch. That's his Olaf kicking in. Do you have any marks from them?

From your previous run-ins with mousetraps? No. No. Then why are you so scared of them? Why are you so scared of them? You're like an elephant. I just, it's not that big. I wish I, were you in the act?

In a minute. Okay. I want to see bloopers getting dragged for something. What blooper do? I don't know. We still haven't answered steven chay's question of would you rather have to eat three pears every day one with every meal or be shaped like a pear i'll do you a favor don't don't read steven chay's sheet okay yeah do not read steven chay's sheet

brandon i saw a mentalist last night we saw a mentalist last night we went to swifton suns oh yeah and they they had And they had a magician. They had a magic show for $70, but he was just a straight mentalist. And he came over and did the same thing that O's did to us, but he was just as good as O's. What did he do to you guys? He gets my phone code, which that's, I see where that, what's the craziest one that he did? He had somebody, he had evo enter like seven random numbers into his calculator okay just seven random numbers and then he had another guy pick a list of

drinks and say a number say he said 69 you go scroll down the list of drinks it was guinness okay so he takes the guinness writes it out, Guinness, takes it back over to the calculator, turns it upside down, and Guinness, and it spelled out the number that he had picked randomly. That spelled out boobies. It didn't. I didn't do it justice, but it was amazing. He was really good. He was really fucking good.

It was definitely worth $70. Mike the Magic. I think my favorite part of a mentalist is when someone gets it done to them and then they try to explain it poorly to someone after. I just did that, yeah. It really felt the magic. It really felt it come through. It's like one of the most impossible things to explain a magic trick after the fact.

He guessed my phone code except I entered my phone code wrong. That happened to me with Oz. Oz is so fucking good. He guessed my pin and I had used my old pin that I had, like, I was like, wait, that's not actually my pin. And then he was like, wait, was it your pin? I was like, fuck, yes, it was. Yeah, I entered the wrong code.

Now I'm doing what Brandon just did. Yeah, but yours is cooler, because I was there, and I saw it. Oh, good. You're rid of mousetraps. Yeah, good. No, it says mousetraps. But the question was, can we get rid of mousetraps? Hey, the Red Fox OO, you suck, brother. You fucking suck. So we're getting- The question was can we get rid of Get mousetraps Hey the red fox oh oh

You suck brother You fucking suck The question was get rid of mousetraps And the answer is yes What did Tim Hitchens do Is he oh You son of a bitch You motherfucker

Oh Tim Hitchens logging on to chat to keep mousetraps on the wheel. Fuck yes, Tim Hitchings. You are a winner. And that is binding. Yeah. And for the 22% that say no to mousetraps, may I recommend Zoloft? Please get a prescription.

It will change your life. I think I really, truly fucking hate you. But you don't. I kind of do, though. You don't. You love me. You love me. You love me. You're okay. No, you love me. truly fucking hate you. But you don't. I kind of do, though. You don't. You love me. You love me. You love me.

You're okay. No, you love me. And I love you. You don't show it. I show it a lot. I show it a lot. Did it on the college football show today? After you shit on me.

I did not shit on you. You said healthy debate, Dave. That's what you... That's a phrase people say now. It's known. Dude, the college football show we taped it is very good it's a well-known phrase it is i'm legally did nothing wrong legally sure i don't think they work they're cool no they do, they do though. It's a state of mind. I have a pair and they absolutely work.

It's a vibe. Mine's not doing anything. No, you can feel it. No, release it and then pump it again because I think it only needs like three pumps. You see the Big Red Boot Company made pumps? No. They got pumps all over them. Whoa. Holy shit.

How much are those? I like i like that whoa are there any other it's like they have sores so those are yeah i was gonna say those are shoes that i those shoes have smallpox i'm like man i would love those and i put them on and i would just look like the biggest fucking poser loser of all time like Could you imagine me wearing those pumps? Those are cool. This is a wild... What the... Is that a foot? These would make me look like such a tool.

These ones are layered like everlasting gobstoppers. So as you wear the material of the shoe away, they change color. Oh, that's actually kind of awesome. It's like a purple layer, a yellow layer, a green layer. Have you ever seen the Back to the future shoes yeah yeah they're like they're like 14 the air mags they're like 14 000 i can get you them for cheaper in china so adidas and the band horn just came out with a collab corn oh i thought you said porn no jerry's

bringing back and one yeah he is i think they're gonna do an ad with us yeah the shoes we got money actually yeah good jerry's the perfect spokesperson those shoes are cool brandon look see that was jerry sale you could be the face of zoloft we'll see he you already do seem like a little more chill than normal i think oh no i'm kate no oh maybe you're just he exploded on Dave in the football show shut the fuck up you should candy flip I'll let everyone know when it kicks in I will be as his

doctor I know exactly how long these things take went to med school for a very long time showing up at 7am every god damn time had to get on fucking anxiety medication y'all just clapping like a seal for a guy that blogs once in three months there it is there it is i was wrong it hasn't kicked in yet i don't know it hasn't figured that out man on the

brink kicked in but it's coming in fact i'm ready to go all right let's end the act great week everyone have a great weekend uh sass will be here all week next week. See you all in a while. It's the act. It's the act. Get your straws, yeah, style and tape for a while. It's the act. It's the act.

It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop We're doing Yankee Swap It's the act It's the act have a good weekend everybody love you bye