The Yak - The People Want Cool Brandon Back | The Yak 4-1-24

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up. Hello. It's the Yak. Welcome in. Roback.com. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Use code Yak for 20% off your first purchase.

Q's this, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. Happy April Fool's Day? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, happy April Fool's Day, everybody. It's one of my least favorite holidays, and I'm glad everybody's... It's such a stupid holiday. There's no way to play it right.

Don't try. And people who go all in on April Fool's are just the biggest losers. I'm actually kidding. I love this day. Oh, I still hate it. You got us. You got us already. Yeah.

Titus, buddy, what about you? He doesn't. Oh. I would have assumed that with how funny you all are, this would have been a day you all would have leaned into, and yet here I am on an island yet again. Oh, no. Can I sit on you?

Yeah. What a costume. That's the best one yet. Yeah, I think it is. Who did that? Holy shit. Does it work? That got me good. Yeah, I think it is. Who did that? Holy shit. Does it work? That got me good.

Is it functioning? It works. Yeah, best one yet. I agree. God damn it. Now we just need someone to bring something to the office that we can make headline news with. Can they re-gift us the popcorn machine? Yeah, right.

We need something. Have you in the picture? I could manufacture that real quick i need you to go sit down on mince's chair he wouldn't see you yeah wait for oh mincey with an all day this guy he just goes back and forth with just bothering me to like loving him his tweet today was like i'm gonna get got so many times today. Yak has probably got a whole show planned for me. He's like, no, we don't. No. Yeah.

We do not. Yeah. Well, it was something. Over under of 16 April Fool's pranks attempts on me today in Barcelona office. And that might be too low of a number for Yak. No, the thing is, we don't need pranks. Yeah, we don't really prank him.

He's unprankable. We don't schedule anything. No. He pranks himself 100 times a day? Yeah. Just a bit. He just wants to do something for this Hogs for the Cause so we gotta figure out maybe Wednesday we'll let him

do something. Run on a treadmill or something. I don't know what he could do. Sure we could think of something. I would love him for to be a street performer somewhere in Chicago and he has to do some sort of talent,

and for every $5 he makes, the Yak donates $5. We match. Yeah, we match. We match. We match. Yeah, we'll match every dollar. Every dollar is $100? No, we just match dollar for dollar. Just a one-for-one match.

Dollar for dollar. So we'll have to donate like $3.55. Yeah. At the end of the day. Brandon. No. I'm opting out. You thought I was going to say something, but I wasn't.

You saved my name. Yeah, I was going to ask you a question. What question would you like to ask? You have one question. Okay. For the rest of the show, you have one question. Did Conor Griffin fuck your sister in the house? You have one question. For the rest of the show, you have one question. Did Connor Griffin fuck your sister in the house?

Oh my god. Good question, Big Cat. That was my one question. It's one thing to fuck a man's sister hard. It's another to fuck a man's sister hard in your own home. Was it in your marital bed? Oh, that was the second question. Sorry.

Don't answer the second one. Don't answer the second one. the second question. Sorry. Don't answer the second one. Don't answer the second one. It's the first one. Don't answer the second one. On Easter Sunday, no less. There's not nearly enough John Grisham on that shelf to be your home. It's actually true. That's not my home.

Oh. So that's false. I was going to say there are way too many books. I got plenty of books that's like the shit from clue the study yeah i don't have the lead pipe that's not a home that's a manor it was griffin with a lead pipe in the study so where is that that's apparently at a restaurant what do you mean apparently you weren't there I wasn't there why do you think I was there

I was at home oh so they didn't go to your house still room on the plate save room for dessert because you won't let them fuck in your house would you how do I answer that if I say no if they stayed over for a long time would you let

I'm just going to say a blanket statement I'd let you fuck in my house. Connor Griffin cannot fuck in my house. Seems like you're possessive of your sister. Like, not letting her. I just said he can't fuck, period. I didn't say my sister. That's kind of rude that you're the only one who can fuck in your house.

I didn't say that. Well. I said Connor Griffin can't fuck in my house. So I can? If you want to fuck in my house, you can fuck in my house. Wait, all right. let's do it. Everybody, Nick, Kyle, Mook,

Titus, you can all fuck in my house. I have. I can. Wait, what? Yeah, we've all fucked in your house. I'd like to get railed down by the lake. It'd be public, but sure.

Can Che fucking do this? Maybe on the boat? Che's probably the only person here who's had the opportunity to fuck in my house. Che's been to your house? Yeah, Che was once my cat feeder when I would go out of town. Oh, he has a cat? He and his family would stop by to feed my cat. He fucked, yes. Che's the only person I know at Barstool that's been in my house without me

in it. You still got the cat? No, it's cats down at Mama's now. Are you still sick? I've been sick for like two weeks. Yeah, not built for it. Also, that's not really true. I'm just sitting here while y'all talking about somebody fucking my sister.

I'm built for this. Actually, fair counterpoint. Very fair counterpoint. Very fair counterpoint. Y'all are about one joke away from me calling Mama and getting her involved. Oh, so yeah, go ahead. Nick, do you want it to be you that make the joke? I'll probably be the one that calls Mama. No, never mind.

Mama's not involved either. Just let's roll. That's good. What else y'all want to talk about? Let's roll. Let's roll. Let's good. Good. What else y'all want to talk about? Let's roll. Let's roll. Let's roll play. Connor.

Nick, you're going to Italy. Yeah, tomorrow. Are you? I mean, where's your anxiety for this flight? This is a long ass flight. I'm going to go there right after the show ends. Your flight's at one o'clock tomorrow. Yeah.

I almost got a hotel across from the airport. He should have. No, he shouldn't have. Why? Because I live in... He has anxiety. Thank you. Thank you for understanding my plight.

He gets up in the morning. But the guy has anxiety. I'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'm going to black out. How long is the flight? Flight from here to Boston, then Boston to Rome. First class?

Fuck no. Way back. What is that, like 12 hours? Eight from Boston to Rome. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah, you're fine. Oh, from Boston to Rome.

Yeah. Three from here to Boston. Yeah, yeah. And you have to make your flight in Boston? You got to be- Hour and a half to layover. That's it? I know.

That's not great. It's going to rain tomorrow, too. I know. I'm really freaking out. Oh, no. Do you have a substance abuse game plan? A substance abuse game plan? Are you going with red wine?

Red wine. Yeah. Oh, you're gonna be throwing that up? You vomited red wine last time. That was too much. It's a 12-hour venture. Oh, fuck. I don't know.

You're gonna be throwing up. Maybe I'll just go get a Xanax. You should get a Xanax. Yeah. I'll be all right. I'll be good. Aing up. Maybe I'll just go get a Xanax. You should get a Xanax. Yeah. I'll be all right. I'll be good. A lot of people thought I was already in Italy. Yeah, I did.

I actually did. From my tweet. Oh, what did you tweet? I tweeted in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. For real? So that would make. Yeah. Okay.

So that would. Yeah, that would. I had a video. One bite pizza. I did a one bite pizza review. Oh, one bite. Very low memory. Yeah.

But that's actually, what a flop of a joke that was. Credit Jack McCarthy for the video. Yeah, thank you, Jack. That's the Leaning Tower of Niles I drove up to in Niles, Illinois. Oh, shit. Yeah, they have a Leaning Tower and nobody gives a fuck about it. That is not a Photoshop. No, no. I went up to the Leaning Tower of Niles. Wait it how many you that is not a photoshop no no i want a leaning tower of niles wait how many how many high effort execution not many and did you take a

picture of the leaning tower of niles no just that can we see a leaning tower of niles we could go up we could drive up there yeah yeah what is the leaning tower they have a leaning tower up in niles oh it's fine this it's made to look like the Leaning Tower. But they made it on purpose, yeah. Yeah, they got one up there in Niles. There's nothing else around. So you did all that for one tweet? Uh-huh. I mean, that's credit to you.

How far was that? Like a 30-minute drive. It's not far. It's still. Yeah, they have their own. Especially when I'm going to be there. You could easily have done that in front of a green screen. I could have gone to Pisa.

Yeah. Soon. Yeah. Oh, my God. Couldn't wait. Couldn't wait anymore. I thought it was very funny. Thanks, man.

Not funny enough to retweet it. No, no. It's one for me, you know? Yeah. McConaughey will make a rom-com, and then he'll make mud. That was my mud. That was your mud. That was was my mud That was your mud That was your mud

Che's out today He also, in a very Che thing I have to share this with you guys Yesterday, what was the tournament called yesterday? The golf tournament, TJ, can you look it up? The Shriners Children's Open? I think it was, yeah, or the Texas The Texas Shriners Children's Open? I think it was, yeah. Or the Texas Shriners Children's Open?

Yeah, something like that. So Hank did a bet that we boosted on DraftKings. And I believe the name of the tournament, yeah, I think it was like Texas. TJ can find it, the exact name, because I don't want to screw it up. But it was like, yeah, the Texas Children's Open, Shriners Children's. And Hank put a bet in, and Che texted Hank, and he said, you can bet on children playing golf? He thought that it was like eight-year-olds.

He had Shriners Children's Open. He thought that that meant that they were children. It was like a 13-year-old golf tournament. He wishes he could have entered. He's playing the children's. It was like a 13-year-old golf tournament. He wishes he could have entered. He's played in the children's. Yeah, he thought he missed the cut to being the children's open. What's the youngest a child's tournament has to be to guarantee you winning? Oh.

Golf? Good question. Like the best. Six or seven. I don't know, dude. Seven? Did you watch that golf documentary, the kids' golf documentary that came out the other year? No.

They're incredible, and they're five years old. Yeah, what year was the other year? I don't know. That's quite a way to say that. It was popular. It was popular. Thanks for no details. It followed these kids who were going to the – it's a world championship.

They come from all over the world, and these kids are like five years old, and they're on a major course, and they are like crazy good. So what year? when can good kids break par that's around eight nine ten somewhere i feel like there's prodigies though like tiger woods was a prodigy these are the best four-year-old five-year-olds in the world michelle we was like 10 rory was the same way he was he was young yeah a young we lad i feel like i'm gonna go out and say it i I couldn't beat any age. I think I could beat like four-year-olds because they can't. Come on.

We could beat a five-year-old. I think there's five-year-olds that can't beat you. Five-year-olds can't form like sentences. I think there are five-year-olds that could beat. No. Okay, but wait. You're not trying to beat a five-year-old. What you're trying to beat is a score.

With my golf skills now, it would probably have to be four. What's your best score you could imagine having? 127. 100? Yeah. There are five-year-olds that can beat 100 i know that's what i'm agreeing with right but are they teeing off from we're working no i don't think no there's no way they're playing like if they're playing the the kids tees you know then yeah well they play their they play their tees you play your tees yeah well yeah that's not beating me that's not beating me that's i think it is they have to play That's... I think it is. They have to play for us.

Not at all. I think it is. Can we do a Brandon versus Tots golf tournament? If you're in every sport, if you played a woman and you scored 78 and she shot 72,

do you think you won? But if you're in the same tournament, you should all be playing from the same tees. Absolutely. Right. One for one skill set. How old, like,

basketball team could beat us if we had a starting five? That's a good question. 12. Younger. Who's us? No. Oh, yeah, with Mark?

EU, Che. Brandon. Brandon. It might be 12. 15. And then who's KB? The best 12-year-old AU team I think would walk us. I think they would.

Walk you? I don't know. They wouldn't walk you, but it would be 12-year-olds. I remember going to Cooperstown. They were like 6'2", some of them. We look like DJ Burns. Yeah. We're also way smarter than them, Brandon. Just palm-faking like crazy. We play the game

the right way. Yeah. I won't dunk. Alright, can we beat the 14-year-old? No. Not even close. It's got to be like pre 12 and 13 yeah because that's when puberty starts setting in for the entire team right if it's a team where like half the guys have hit puberty half the guys haven't i think we're

because the guys that have hit puberty are starting to figure out their bodies the other guys are just it's beautiful yeah because if we had like if there was multiple close to six footers i think we'd be screwed. Yeah. Because if our skill would be that we're just taller than all of them. Yeah. I think Rod Wave Elite is wiping you guys. Who?

Like overtime, any overtime team. How young are they? They got every age. Really? Yeah. What about baseball? I've always wanted to, how awesome that beat is. Isn't there like Little League World Series?

There's a Japanese game show where it's a professional soccer player going up against a lot of kids. Yeah. Yeah. That was... But those kids aren't good. Those are kids, kids. And they're also professional soccer players.

Right. You guys versus... What about MMA? Great question. I think you could lose to a 14-year-old. I think I could lose to an 8-year-old in Dagestan. Yeah. What's his name? I think you could lose to a 14-year-old. I think I could lose to an 8-year-old in Dagestan. Yeah.

What's his name? Khabib. He was wrestling bears when he was five. Yeah, right. The Uzbeks. So we would get washed in every sport. I think you would whip an 8-year-old Khabib's ass. Dude. There's like 9-year-olds whooping teachers every now and then.

Those are teachers. Not finely-tuned podcasters. Yeah. I don't know, dude. Some of those eight-year-olds in Dagestan and Kurdistan and all the stands. Dagestan's not a place? I'm pretty sure it's a place. Is it a place?

I think Dagestan's got the toughest dudes in the world. Eastern European kids, I think, would be tough. Soviet bloc. Yeah. Eight is young. Eight's young. How old was Zabib when he was wrestling the bear? It was a bear cub.

That bear wasn't a bear. Also, I could beat up any bear. Yeah, how old of a bear now can we take? Right. Any bear. So we're basically finding out that most kids could beat us? No. We didn't find shit.

Most kids are underage. We have to find it. We're talking elite kids, though. We're not to find it. We're talking elite kids, though. We're not talking normal kids. We're talking top-tier kids. Do you think there's someone listening right now that coaches a 12-year-old team? Yeah, I want to see the number one 12-year-old basketball player in the country right now. Yeah, bring him to me.

It might be Eric Tampere Jr. Bring him to me. Eric Tampere Jr.? Yeah. And I will humble that. Retire him. Might be 13, though. Look at this. Bear Cub. Okay Tampere Jr.? Yeah. And I will humble that. Retire him. Might be 13, though. Look at this.

Bear cub. Okay. That bear's not wrestling. That bear's playing. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Okay. And the bear's winning.

That's a fucking... Yeah, the bear is... It's a rat. It's a rat. It's a rat. Oh. That bear's not biting. Right now, he's...

Horrible technique by the kid. He's putting his arm in his mouth. Who is... Is this Khabib? This is Khabib, yeah. Oh. That bear's not biting. Right now he's horrible technique by the kid. He's putting his arm in his mouth. Who is? Is this Khabib? This is Khabib, yeah. Oh, sorry. I mean, the bear is very much in control of this interaction. Right, Kyle, or no?

No, he's pinning him there. Why is the bear not biting him? The bear's not doing anything. The bear's on his back. Oh, that was pretty. Oh, all right. Yeah, all right. Holy shit.

Horrible defense. Yeah. All right. I stand corrected. Yeah, all right. I would kick the shit out of this kid. Horrible defense. Yeah. All right. I stand corrected. Yeah, the bear can sprawl. That bear is totally okay now, I'm sure. That leash is doing nothing. Living a happy life.

Like, if the bear just started wanting to bite his head, what would the leash do? Nothing. Nothing. I think they're just having fun. It'd be fun to have a have a bear friend. It's like the same age same age as you. Like you're seven.

The bear cub is equivalent to seven and then you grow up together. That's sad. Be a great friendship. How long do bears live. Are you just living. Are you living out Tarzan.

Yeah. He's living out Ted. Jungle book. Jungle book. Jungle book. Oh those bears were all older than him and he they raised him. He didn't have a bear Are you living out Tarzan? Yeah. No, he's living out Ted. Jungle Book. Jungle Book. Jungle Book, yeah. Although those bears were all older than him, and they raised him. He didn't have a bear friend.

I thought the orangutan raised him. No, he was bad. No, the bear. Baloo was a bear, right? I thought the snake was bad. No, the orangutan was fine. The orangutan wanted fire. Wait, what's the one with the bears flying planes? Oh, country bears.

No, no, that's with Kid Rock. The bears flying planes. Bears didn't fly planes. Oh, country bears. No, no, that's with Kid Rock. The bears flying planes. Bears didn't fly planes. Soul plane? It was a fucking, it was a cartoon when I was a kid. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn it. Are you sure it's not DuckTales?

Berenstain Bears? Might be DuckTales. Tailspin? Tailspin! What is that? Yes! Yeah, yeah, he's right. Yes.

You nailed it. Big Catch has out-cartooned me. Yeah. Tailspin rocked. That looks the same as same as baloo yeah i think he was the same i'm glad to see you got another job pilot baloo yeah it's pilot blue yeah he got it he got he made something of himself yeah it's it's really inspiring tailspin rocked only a year yeah it was a spinoff of ducktales right or how could it not a spinoff but it was it was packaged with it was a crime fantasy that's a lot of episodes for a season

how many episodes is 65 yeah i like that show huh that seemed like it was around more than a year but 65 episodes but i guess they can do one year of it and just play it on loop forever. Yeah. Hey, wait. I got a question. Nick, are you? How old are you? 31.

Oh, no. Never mind. How old are you? 31. Fuck. No one's 33 or 34? Mm-mm. What?

I'm not. 33 or 34 I am Do you know that you're Like the most persecuted Generation ever 1990 babies I heard this podcast about how

The millennials Are the biggest generation in the world And then 90 and 91 Are the biggest generation The biggest spike of millennials and everything sucks for you wow i mean yeah everything does suck for me but this whole study how it's like everything has sucked for anyone who's was born in 90 or 91 but why because they are like the population grew is the world can't like handle this spike in population and also the timing

of everything. They went to college during a recession. They got out of college while they're still in a recession. Everything's been delayed for them. I think the kids who missed college due to COVID are probably worse off. Yeah, they're screwed too.

Or any kids that missed formative years. But colleges had to grow in size during this like little stretch. And then they've like decreased in size after it. Because there were so many 90 and 91 babies. Oh. Yeah. Pretty crazy. This really isn't interesting.

I just. I don't know why I shared it. Why don't they just work harder? Yeah, they should. They should. I want to know what happened in, like, 89 for them just to be fucking like that. Oh, man. It's correlated to the baby boom, the biggest, like, age group of baby boomers.

Okay. I feel like there was a lot of good snowstorms back then, too, that we don't have anymore. Like, the blizzard of 96, parents were fucking. Just keep you in the house. The biggest group of, a tranche of baby boomers came of age and had kids in 90 and 91. Got it. They pass it on. Okay.

It's kind of cool. No, I like that. What podcast was this? It was The Daily. Oh. New York Times. I don't know if you ever heard of it. That's well informed.

That seems pretty. It's a guy who goes. Pretty fucking legit. A guy who goes, hmm. Hmm. Oh. New York Times. I don't know if you ever heard of it. Well informed. That seems pretty. It's a guy who goes. Pretty fucking legit. A guy who goes, hmm. Hmm. Hmm. You like to hear that from your guy. Makes a shitload of noises.

Yeah. I can't remember his name. All he does is make noises. Huh. Hmm. Yeah, just like that. Yeah. I've heard that before.

Has Barstow ever tried to put out like a smart person podcast? No. Like an. Short porch? Like informing you informing you yeah maybe short porch yeah heart factor rest in peace oh yeah still going it's still going like and subscribe but they weren't they weren't serious guys they were no but they still cover like actual news topics but they that would be funny if we try to do a really serious one it should be like i guess k I guess Kirk did solve a murder That was pretty serious But Mincy has to write it

We give him the topics We need a We need to up our reputation We need to compete with the daily Some highbrow NPR Who would spearhead Who's our smartest person How about Smoke's not coming up with anything Eyebrow. NPR. Yeah. Who would spearhead?

Who's our smartest person? How about Smoke's not coming up with anything for April Fool's? I know. He didn't even realize it. He forgot it was April Fool's. Or is he still tricking us? He might have to watch out. No, he's going to scramble later and it's going to suck. You know that.

He's going to scramble and be like, slash your tires. The day kind of snuck up on me. Yeah. I lost my phone this weekend. I still don't have it i'm in the void wait what how'd you lose your phone i went i navigated to my uncle's house in indianapolis i walked into the house holding it and then it was gone did you check the house we flipped the house upside down we checked the car and find my iphone is off why i don't know

so it's gone i I'm just living. It's very, very hard to really lose your iPhone in this day and age. Yes, it is. That's actually impressive. Send it on over if you see it. I don't believe the completely sober part. I did have. Yeah.

No one says completely sober if they were completely sober. No one. They completely really threw me off. One, what's the red drink with the veggies in it? V8 Splash? No, no. A Bloody Mary? Bloody Mary.

Jesus Christ. You just won? Are you completely sober now? Yes, I swear. But yeah, one of those and then two high noons. That's not close. That's not close. That's not so far from a game. That's not at all completely sober.

Oh. That's not what that word means. My family was like, well, watch the kids. You relax. And I said, don't mind if I do. And then my phone is gone. And you lost it in his house. Somewhere in there, there was like eight toddlers running around.

And my theory is that one of them picked it up and it's just in toddler land now it's gone they find the crevices that you wouldn't ever dream of that's a fact yeah damn anyway it's kind of nice so what's your plan you didn't immediately like try to get a new phone yeah i went this morning they're gonna send it to my house tonight some guy's gonna come in and help me whatever do you have any suspicious cousins that might have shady ones yeah some guy is gonna come over Apple care I did a protection plan and they like come over and help you because if I lose my

they help you what they should just bring you a phone they'll be like my cloud you're gonna see him in you do you hear me talking like I need help you gotta put it in your hand and hold it yes yes but i want all my pictures back i want all my things anyway that's crazy it's not exciting but it is it's been kind of nice i every time i get a new phone i start brand new on photos i'm what you don't have a cloud no why i don't know. I like the clean slate. I don't really care.

That's sad. I guess so. All the photos? Yeah, I just start fresh. I like it. Oh man, that kind of bums me out. Really? Yeah. Why? I don't know. I like looking at old photos. So many parts of your life that are just gone. You kind of forget and then every now and then you go back a couple years and you're like, oh, yeah, wow, I was doing this. He doesn't have that. That's what I'm saying. That stinks. That's a big plane move for me is just scrolling through old photos when I have no Wi-Fi.

Oh, that's kind of cool. Just buy the Wi-Fi. It's like six bucks. Can't afford it. I'm sad now. For me? Yeah. Damn.

Yeah. I'm just not sentimental. They're just nowhere. Yeah. There's not any photos that you wish that you had? No. There are. Like what?

You don't know what you don't have. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, what's like... That was philosophical by you. But like what... What... I don't have kids. That you know of.

Yeah. No, I don't. That you know of. I... Yeah, you're right. That you know of. Yeah. No, I don't. That you know of. I don't. Yeah, you're right. That you know of. Man. Yeah, there's like,

I don't know, fun moments on the yak. That's all on the yak. It still lives forever. We've documented all of that. Nah, there's no way. Yeah, do you ever think about that? Oh, just like a lot of...

That's what Instagram's for. I just go back through my posts. How how many uh pictures you're gonna take in italy you think you just and you those just next time you lose your phone we'll be like are you a guy that's like i'm at the coliseum we got to get a picture are you just like i would send it to my parents yeah why i i don't know i guess your instagram is just a pumpkin yeah yeah you're not really not a sentimental yeah yeah I guess we should have seen this coming wait what's under real shit real shit that's about where I get my real shit oh okay this shit i believe in okay that's me and uh yeah it's real shit did you see that truck out front that has not one but three

bumper stickers of calvin pissing on something yes who is that they're badass oh that one percent yeah it's just things I believe in Vin Diesel See that's where I keep my memories Yeah did you guys see also Who, who uh, fuck That's where I keep my crew Oh Draymond Green got a Like bedazzled testicle

Necklace I might have gotten gone Oh no Oh no gone? Fuck. You got caught. Oh, no. You have yet. Oh, no. The man fell for the bedazzled testing. Oh, no. Come on.

Oh, no. Oh, no. We might have to. Oh, no. Oh, he did. Oh, he did. Wait. 18 hours ago?

Wait a minute. Wait, what is, are those veins? Oh, certainly. That's got to be the NBA card. Is hours ago? Wait a minute. Wait, what is, are those veins? Oh, certainly. That's got to be the NBA card. Is that real? Or did I get caught? I did almost get caught by the football game on the aircraft. NBA Centel.

They've gotten me before. Oh, that, yeah. Oh, no. But that is a real testicle, Nicholas. Maybe it's not his, but. No veins on the back. Damn it. Testicles are not that pain oh no

this is bad i think you need a notes app apology what do i do your notes app apology i didn't tweet about it but i just shared it yeah you just said it here that's oh fuck who do you apologize it was that posted today i saw it. I just scrolled past it. But that was just a lie you fell for, not an April Fool's. Yeah. All right, so that's good. Yeah. Did you guys see Russell Westbrook arguing with the balloon hat?

You can't argue with a man in a balloon hat. One of the funniest. Russell Westbrook, I guess he's consistent. He said that if anyone calls him Westbrook, he will yell at them because it's his family name. He shouldn't let that be public. Well, he shouldn't let it. And then to do it with a man who is, look at this.

He's having a serious discussion with this guy. And not only does he have a balloon hat, but he's a Charlotte Hornets fan. This guy has nothing to lose. Literally nothing to lose. Literally nothing to lose. Did he walk past the balloon artist and be like, I want one of those? Yeah. Did he get it for free? Like, did he make it himself and wear it to the game?

I mean, that's gotta be an all-time, like, what are you doing, man? That guy looks so fucking stupid. So stupid! He's a Charlotte Hornets fan. But, like, that's the best way to go into an argument. Like, looks so fucking stupid. So stupid. He's a Charlotte Hornets fan. But like that's the best way to go into an argument. Like looking goofy. Yeah. Because you can't. Right.

You drug him down to your level. Yeah. Time to skin an argument right now. Yeah you should. Let's argue. Tweet tell Zach Eady he's a bitch. Just tweet. Make a selfie video of my head. Yeah. Zach Eady has ruined college basketball. I have a straight video of my head. Yeah. Saying Zach Edias ruined college basketball.

I have a straight face the whole time. Enough is enough, guys. Dude, that was my first time actually watching him play in a full game. Oh, really? Mesmerizing. Yeah. Makes people very angry. Yeah.

What do you want him to do differently, though? Nothing. That was a good game to watch him to do differently though nothing that was a that was a good game to watch him though yeah he was great yeah he was like some games where he just lumbers around the basket and gets rewarded constantly it's tough to watch that game he was actually pretty outstanding the argument is more like it's it's twofold i don't think anyone says he's bad well no people do say he's. It's more that he never gets called for fouls. And he draws a record number. Yeah, he was at the – oh, my God.

Yeah, he didn't get a foul for like the first 30 minutes of the game. The frustration comes from he – the only way to guard him is to be very physical with him because he is very physical and establishing position. But then – so he's like pushing people out of the way to like get in position to post up and then defenders are pushing back and then they're called for fouls and they lose their mind because he's never called for the fouls yeah i mean it's not fun there's a pretty good chance for me exactly to do the gauntlet is he gonna come in i think so because the NBA combine is here so a bunch of those guys train here for like a couple weeks. What if we help his draft

stock? Like he kills it on the gauntlet. Yeah. I thought he was just tall. I didn't think he was good until I saw him on the yak. Yeah. See how good Foley's pitching now? Yeah. And Torkelson hit a fucking bomb

on Saturday. He was warm. We got them. We got them going. going oh yeah foley's a1 guy couldn't name a big cat you're producing the other guy could didn't know what a vowel is yeah but but like that's you should i'd be embarrassed he didn't give a single fuck he didn't even know it was like a common thing that people knew because yeah yeah he thought we were speaking he didn't know he was supposed to be embarrassed that people knew. He didn't know he was supposed to be embarrassed. That's why he was so fast. He was like...

But if you're the first pick in the MLB draft, why would you know a foul? You've never been in a position to know a foul. Yeah, you've got foul guys. Guys walking around with a pocket full of fouls. I think he still doesn't know. Yeah, no, I don't think so either. What would make him want to go find out?

Yeah, he asked what a foul is. We said A-E-I said a i o u and i don't think that really answers it for him yeah yeah california too yeah if it's not a ball or a strike he doesn't give a fuck right that's all that matters like there's no way he understands what a vowel's purpose in a word is or like what how to deconstruct a word via the letters he just we said A-E-I-O-U and he's like, okay, cool. And then... We should have brought up sometimes why. Just to keep his interest. It would be funny if he had a vowel guide

though, just walking behind him. He's like, want, and the person's like, I. You gotta say I first. You're gonna have to buy a vowel here. He just doesn't use vowels. This has never had a need for him. What a great life to be like, I don't need to know vowels. You're telling me every word has these?

No fucking way. I'm out. No way. He's got a vowel translator. I'm tired of big vowel getting in our words. Reaching their hands into our words. I can speak without vowels. It's like those tricks whenever they put the-

Fucking snake head ass. Yeah, they do like the, it'd be like a sentence with everything jumbled and you can read it perfectly. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love those. Those are fun. Yeah. My brain works in a weird way, but it actually works exactly like everyone else. Yeah, as long as the first letter and the last letter are

similar. Correct. Yeah. Anything in the middle doesn't matter. Yeah. When are you going to be stoppy and sick? I don't know. I like your shoes today. You've been pushing too hard. Thank you. Huh? Or those Kyrie's. These are LeBrons. Oh. Yeah. Just bought them. I was at Dick's this weekend and I liked them, so

I bought them. And I was buying my kids Easter presents and I bought them so I bought them and I was buying my kids Easter presents and I bought myself these shoes what'd you get them? well my daughter I got some shoes and then I got a bunch of Pokemon cards for the boys nice and a Lego set my 11 year old is a big Lego guy now

Legos are really hard yeah he likes the Star Wars Lego set. Are they expensive? Oh yeah, super. Oh my god, yes. Just a small, you know, about that size box was $70. Do they sell Lego sets that are just the people in them? Because that's all that my kids ever need. They just like the people? Yeah. Mini-figs.

What? Mini-figs. You could buy boxes. Mini-figs? Mini-figs. Short for figures. Mini is short for miniature. Miniature figures. Oh, shit. You're talking Sax Boy Billy to me right now. Mini figs? Mm-hmm.

Pen to pay. Pen to pay. Pirates haven't lost. Wow. Undefeated. Have you been tweeting about it? No. I think I've done enough to be number one.

Have you noticed my hat? Mini figs. Okay. I gotta get've done enough to be number one. Have you noticed my hat? Mini fakes. Okay. I got to get some mini fakes. I can't believe I got caught by NBA Central. It's like ball sack sport. It's going to hurt me for a while. NBA Central got me.

I got got by the Eagles Nation this morning. Devontae Smith traded to the Cowboys at the bottom. Under Reed Moore, it was like April Fool's. First thing I woke up to Did Frank do his April Fool's blog yet? I remember last year He had Rob Manfred made a five run Home run

Like button Like a target Yeah I wonder what it is He just loads the blog with him Yeah prank Prank prank prank Just hits them. Yeah, pranks. Prank, prank, prank. Prank after prank.

Just hits you with so many pranks. You don't know what's a prank. Has he posted it yet? Skinny Frank might not have time for that. Skinny Frank is rocking. He's a new man. He's kicking ass. Looks fantastic. What happened, Brandon?

That's crazy. He looks so good. Are you injured as well? Wow. Is he going to... Wow. Is Frank going to be a sex figure? He's doing the dainty one.

I think so. He might. What's he doing? Something is amiss. I'm really worried about him. Yeah. Has he been off, Titus? All right.

Well, we're here now, so I'll mention something extremely concerning that I saw from Brandon. For lunch today... Oh, no. Don't say salad. He had a salad. No... Oh, no. Don't say salad. He had a salad. No! Fuck. His body's rejecting.

Is that his April Fool's joke? That's what we thought, but he ate the whole thing. What? So we thought he ordered the salad as a joke. We all laughed, and then he sat there and he ate the whole thing. We need to inject him with oil immediately.

This is bad. And he worked out this morning. What? Oh, no. Here? Yeah, he got like some shots. Like 100 shots or something. This guy is in a problem.

This is danger zone. Yeah. This is danger zone. Yeah, I'm worried about him. He's a cry for help. We're going to have to have an intervention and get him back on his unhealthy habits immediately. Yes.

Because this is not good. That would be funny if we did a full intervention for Brandon eating one single salad. And we force fed him Chick-fil-A. Stop it. What are you doing? Should we all order Chick-fil-A right now? Yes. Yeah? Yeah. Okay.

You get him a shitload of Chick-fil-A. Titus and I are going to the Cubs home opener in a minute. Oh, that's right. Very exciting. Very excited. We'll be back all day tomorrow. So the schedule this week is a little weird. So Friday, you guys are going to have to come up with something because I think a lot of us are out.

Monday, though, we have a pre-taped yak because everyone will be out pretty much. And then Tuesday, we'll all be back. Or most of us will be back. Some of us will be back. Some of us will be back. You won't be back. Some of us will be back. Some of us will be back. You won't be back. No.

I'll be back just in time for mini golf. Are you going to speak Italian? No. Are you going to go see your old Nona? No, no, no. She's in Albania. Oh, really? Yeah.

You have a Nona in Albania? Underground. Oh, okay. But you're not going to go trace your roots? No. Why not? That's what I'm not. Listen, I don't care.

That's kind of a weird phenomenon. If you're like an Italian and you're just sitting in your house one day and then a bunch of Americans show up and they're like, Hey, like our great, great welcome you. Yeah. Yeah. Our great, great, great grandparents used to live here. Let us in cook for us. Yeah.

Yeah. Tell us stories. Yeah. I don't know. I just, I just wanted to see the Coliseum. That for us. Yeah. Yeah. Tell us stories. Yeah, I don't know. I just wanted to see the Coliseum. That's it? Yeah. So you could come back. Well, yeah.

Yeah, because I was going to go to Pisa, but we got Niles. Niles got to Pisa. It's so sad. You've got to go up there. You've got to. There's no main town, really. It's like that tower is the heart of it. It's kind of it.

It's right by Five Below. Yeah. And you know when they built that thing, they were like, oh. It's like that tower is the heart of it. That's kind of it. It's right by a five below. Yeah. And you know when they built that thing, they were like, oh, everybody's going to walk the wall over. This is going to turn it all around. Italy's got one. Let's get it. Let's call dibs.

What if we built one half its size and it has no cultural relevance to this area? And it's leaning intentionally. It's purposely leaning, yeah. People will surely flock to this area. People will surely. And it's leaning intentionally. It's purposely leaning, yeah. People will surely flock to see it. I don't know if I can recover from this NBA Central thing. It's pretty bad, especially. It's a diamond ball sack. When did you see it, this morning or yesterday?

Yesterday. Okay. That's better. Talk me through it. That's not where the bathrooms are. Well. Admitting it out loud is a really. You've got to prank them back. Revenge.

I think you need your own ball sack chain. Buy the ball sack chain. You have to buy it to make it seem like this is something that people would do. Or you buy it and get it to Draymond. You have to get Draymond to wear it. So that way you weren't actually wrong. And get it like a mold of your own balls.

It can't be just like any balls. Miniature balls. Mini figs. Mini figs. Intervention. We're worried about you, Brandon. Intervention. Why? What?

What did I do? You ate a salad today. Full? In full? Intervention. Did you at least load it up with ranch? Intervention. Is there bacon?

What was the dressing? I've been targeting April 1st as a jump off point for a while i haven't told you guys it's a good break a good joke now we're now we're doing some good 45 soon i don't want to drop dead uh connor's fucking my sister i i just i i i got here early this morning 6 30 i walked about 5000 steps up and down the court. That's it? Then I shot 100 threes, and then I lifted weights. Oh, my gosh.

And then I lifted more weights. You want to fit in the wedding. By the way, can you come early one day and show me how to lift weights, Kyle? What do you want to do? Those heavy things, you just put them over your head. So the bench press, I know how to do that. Yeah. See the big one that you step into and you care you pick up yeah that's the deadlift yeah what what what do you do with that just pick it up guys i'm talking to kyle worry about that shit just do a bunch of bench you do body weight you got a lot of it for now but anyway and then i'll walk some more and then uh and so so i'm just

trying to work out a little bit because i'm here i get here i'm obsessed with uh beating the traffic here right i'm not obsessed with getting here early i'm obsessed with beating the traffic right so to beat the traffic i gotta leave my house at 530. Right. Puts me here at 625, 630. Right. Now I got two hours before anybody else even. Good time to better yourself. Yeah, so I'm just, I had last week when I was doing it, I was using it to nap, but that isn't accomplishing

anything. But you were napping on the air mattress upstairs? Oh yeah. You'd come in and just fall asleep? Go straight to my nap. What a great job. Just show up and just go first things first. Well again, I didn't like that, so I'm fixing that. So I'm doing activities. I like this. This morning I did activities, and I said, well, if I did all those activities, I can't eat a fucking Chick-fil-A sandwich.

Tomorrow I'll come in and I'll do the deadlift with you. I'll be in. I like to do it myself. Do you listen to music? I can teach you how to do it. I had my music going today, yeah. I can teach you how to do it. I had my music going today, yeah. I can teach you how to do it. What were you listening to?

I was listening to my Drive Into Work Rap music playlist. It's a lot of Outkast, some Kanye. You have Gasoline Dreams on there? I do. All right. You're proud of that? Yeah. Okay.

And then, yeah, there you go. I like this. Yeah yeah i'm in favor of it thank you i did it this morning what happened i joined you one morning or no i would love for you to join me i'm my my kids have been in spring break but they're back but i get here i'll be here way too early and again i'm not getting here early because i just want to beat the traffic i just want to not get stuck in traffic. Right, which I respect that. Yeah. How quickly do you know if you did it? I don't really run into traffic until a certain point where 90 and 94 meet.

Yep. So if there's a big backup there, I know I'm backed up for the rest of the trip. Oh, shit. But I know when that back – if you get to that point before 6 a.m., you're usually good. Teddy, should we go? Yeah, let's do it. You wearing that? Do you have a ball cap?

Can I see what it looks like when you have the hat on? Your ball cap's in the – You'd make the Jumbotron if you wear that. I wore a banana costume to a game once, did not get on the Jumbotron if you wear the hat. I wore a banana costume to a game once. Did not get on the Jumbotron. I was in the front row. Apologies for leaving early, but it's Cubs opening day.

I get it. Paint your face. Simple as that. But I'll be back all day for tomorrow. Also, I think we have an NBA player who's going to do the Yak Gauntlet tomorrow. Oh, Bones Highland. Why'd you ruin it? Is it really?

No. Why was that your first guess? No, Alex Crusoe I think is going to come. Oh, all right. Oh, hell yeah. The man. Okay. Sorry I'm leaving.

I feel bad. Well, we got to get Titus' ball cap. Oh, yeah. We got to get his ball cap. But you'll come in and we'll... I've been out of my usual rhythm, noticed. Yeah, it looks awesome. My kids are back in school tomorrow.

I'll be here like 7.45, 8 o'clock. Yeah, we'll do something. Oh, the Whoopi Christiansner's a Cubs fan. We're going to get on TV. This is Whoopi Kushner's a Cubs fan. Yeah. All right. Sorry, guys.

Have fun. Embrace every second. What would you call a Whoopi Kushner Yankees fan? Would that be a Whoopi Goldberg? Trying my best here. New Barron Trump pick just dropped Whoa Really? He's 18

Oh, homina, homina, homina Look at him go Stretching him out Three very different skin tones there Can we see Barron? He's a good looking guy Good looking guy And he's 18 now, just turned

In that case Did y'all see that tweet from that unhinged political guy last week? Uh-uh. He was like, Barron Trump turned 18 today, so all systems go. Let's all attack him. Fuck this guy. Something like that. He did the wrong thing because now everybody is just lusting after him.

It's like, all right, yeah, let's all go try to fuck him. He's free. What would you say? Free reign? Fair game. Fair game. Thank you very much. I need to see him dating like sexy red. I don't need to see that. I would love to see that. Is he athletic? He's a good soccer player.

Is he really? Yeah, I think so. He's gonna go... He's gonna clean up. He's gonna clean up some sort of southern... He's probably gonna go to Vandy. Donald says he's going to clean up yeah some sort of southern so he's probably going to go to Vandy Donald says he's 6'3 2'15 right mhm

so if he says he's 6'3 then Baron's a smooth 6'8 I think he's 7'5 yeah I mean that guy's huge but he's got a usually those big guys

don't have handsome faces this kid's got it all he's handsome what sometimes big guys have handsome faces. Who's the big guy with the handsome face? Kevin Nash. Yeah. Yeah, he was in Magic Mike.

I have no room to talk, but Zach Eady looks like a me character. He does look like a cartoon character. He looks like giant Owen Rowan. It's tough to be handsome when you're that huge. There's something off. You don't look like Owen.

You're saying he's handsome. He looks like Owen. Kind of does look like Owen. He looks like Owen, guys. Oh, he does. Yeah, that picture on the side. He looks like Owen. Tiny bit.

Tiny bit, yeah. But that guy, he bowls a 300 and we bowling. He looks like a me? Yeah. He does. Why does the picture change when you click it, TJ? What's that tech?

What? What in the world? That's the one you can paste. Is this newfangled? That's new tech. Oh. Pretty cool. Wait, so, Baron Trump's going to college. Probably probably can you even like

could even attend a lecture or like you know what i mean like he's so yeah i mean he's not like that malia obama is like smoking cigs at art school and having art opening yeah i think baron could sneak in a lot more than you think he could rush a frat oh he'd be a frat oh my god he'd get in so easily but you're right he can't blend like the other first kids do. No, he's gotta have like secret service or something, right? I wonder where he is going. Vanderbilt's a good guess. Thank you. He could get to Alabama.

The women he'd get at Alabama. Yes. I need him to work at Barstool. My daddy's the president. Baron, open invite to be anus intern. Yes.

Has he... What is... He's like Shohei. What has he said? Nothing. What do we know about him? He cried when the redhead comedian female held up her dad's head. Kathy Griffin.

Oh, Kathy Griffin, yeah. Yeah, but he was like 12 then, right? But is there footage of him speaking? Just on here, on the yak. Is he on Insta? I'm saying no social media. I've never seen, yeah, I've never seen anything about him. Was he on Truth?

Probably. Oh, perhaps. Perhaps. He'll probably own it one day. Yeah. Truth. Does Barstool have a presence on truth? Uh,

Zah? I'm gonna sit this one out. Zah's on truth. I'm everywhere, man. As Jordan said, Republicans buy shoes too. Have you ever commented on

a Pornhub video, Zah? Nah. Nah, it's too much work because you have to create an account and all that jazz. Pornhub is free, so. I'm more of a small business guy nowadays. Only fans? Only fans, yeah. Do you comment on posts there?

No. No, no, I just support. I've never commented on anything. I support creators. I'm very generous on OnlyFans, which is bad. What's your monthly allowance on OnlyFans? It's bad. That 15th of the

month paycheck, it gets bad. $200. Are you paying more for Wi-Fi? It can get to that. It depends on theFi? It can get to that. It depends on the month. It can get to that range. To mid-200s?

It could. That's like an equinox. How does it depend on the month? It depends on what's going on. Am I at my home? Am I, you know? It depends on what's going on. It depends on what's going on in life.

Are you watching coitus? Yeah. Penetration. See? Okay. Okay. Why is he? coitus penetration see okay okay why is he Hispanic for this conversation probably Latinos do you ever do the in-app purchases on there

so like you subscribe but then do you pay for like the premium oh no no no that's that's why I cross the line it has to be no pay-per-view okay no pay-per-view. Okay. No pay-per-view and up to cutoff. It depends on if your production level is high, well, not quality in terms of like numbers,

20 bucks, 25 bucks is the cutoff. But usually I play around that 15, 9 to 15 range. Do you, like, I'm sure you have favorites. Do you pay for, so you don't pay for like personal interactions to talk to them no okay okay what's the most expensive only fans account is like is there somebody that's like a grand a month oh i'm sure there's gotta be i don't know you're still active it's the most awkward thing every tax season it's like some little lady named deb and i'm going over all my stuff and i'm like, and then she's like, what's this one here? I'm like, ah, that's my OnlyFans account. Cause you have to, you have to put on your taxes.

And I say, mine's just for jokes. Look at me. And then it's quiet. She keeps doing my taxes. But are you posting? Every now, every few months I go back in there and i'm like what's up pussies you're the you're the loser still paying for this because my account's like a mean one that posts like oh you blog that shits on people fin dom yeah yeah it's a fin dom from what i've heard but

every now and then there's like three guys left yeah but at my peak i mean i'm an idiot for letting it like are those guys do you think they could ever murder you? Like, do you think those guys, like, that has to be the creepiest of the creepy. Worth it. Yeah. Free money. Yeah, you're right. I won't know when it happens.

Yeah, you're right. You probably will. Yeah, you will. Or at least. Good point. Okay, it could be. Before the act is completed, you will know that it's happening.

That's the worst part about it. I should rethink this maybe. But yeah, it's awkward. I'm sure those three guys are fantastic guys. They must be. They're still hanging in there. Or they just forgot. But Katie Money Grabs, it's still there.

Murder me. Yeah. Come on. It's a good sales pitch. Yeah. Speaking of OnlyFans, have you guys seen this girl Sophie Rain? I can't say I have. It's a good sales pitch. Yeah. Speaking of OnlyFans, have you guys seen this girl Sophie Rain? Can't say I haven't. It's like Sophie Rain leaks.

They go viral every day. What is it? It's like, oh my God, she did this video. Check the comments. Are you guys seeing that shit or no? No, I'm not. Zah? Horny Twitter?

What is it? No, I'm familiar with another Sophie. Okay. Never mind. What's going on here? It's just a girl that goes viral every day. It's like, oh my God, check out this Sophie rain leak. And I'm getting to the point where I might just buy the video.

You just want an excuse. Yeah. Just buy the video, man. Buy the video. Buy the video. No one's going to think differently. Why do you have a pin sticking out of your ear? I was going for something.

It's tax season. Yeah. I was doing some work. He'll do your taxes. Doing all the anuses. Will you really? Huh? Will you?

It'll cost you. Of course. Yeah, I can do it. Because my last guy, I got it done in Jersey last year, and I don't have a guy out here. So I want to do it myself so bad, but I know I would like end up in jail. I know I would fuck it up somehow accidentally,

which is crazy, right? Because it should, they already know how much we owe, right? You're fine. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. I don't do numbers. No, I know what you make. They're not going to chase you down. No, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I don't do numbers. No, I know what you make. They're not going to chase you down. No. That's true. You're going to be fine.

Yeah. Fair. You getting fucked over by the man? I don't know. Probably. I just, you know. You're in a pretty big bracket, aren't you? Whenever, not really.

Same as you. No, sir. Huh. Yeah, you just wanted me to say that. Fuck off. That was my April Fool's joke. Yeah, me and Brad are wanted me to say that. Fuck off. That was my April Fool's joke. Yeah, me and Brad are in the same tax bracket. So I'm just supposed to just do the whole show with Connor sitting right over there?

Right behind your shoulder. He is right there. Yeah, did you guys dive into it in most loose sports? We did. And I called Mama there, and she said she was fine with it. So what happened? Was it a date, Connor? No, Mook was there.

Oh, I've been meaning to talk to you about this. Yeah, I was kind of waiting. I didn't know what information you had. There were four people there and apparently Mook started the whole thing. Mook orchestrated it, yeah. Yeah, I did. You just were sitting there and said,

hey, I'm going to get Connor Griffin. Well, this is your fault, actually. Why is it my fault? I brought it up. I had no Easter plans on the yak. I invited you to my house. You guys all scoffed at me. I invited you to my house.

I said, Hooters, who's down? You guys went, loser. Why wouldn't we scoff at that? You did. And then you invited me to your house. Not a true invite. It was an invite. I also don't have a car, so it wasn't.

Yeah. Kyle came to my house yesterday.. Not a true invite. It was an invite. I also don't have a car, so it wasn't. Yeah. Kyle came to my house yesterday. It was a true invite. You went? Yes, gifted him. It was wonderful. Oh, damn. Okay.

Well, anyway, I didn't think, I thought Hooters was dead. I thought it was dead. Nobody wanted to go. Paige hit me up Friday. She was like, I'll go to Hooters. I said, deal. She said, Caitlin's down. I said, deal.

Then I said, let me hit up my friend Connor Griffin and see if he would like to join as well. But y'all didn't go to Hooters. We showed up to Hooters. It was closed. I was wearing my Sunday's best. Yeah, that's better clothes than I've ever seen. Look at your shoes. That's you?

I didn't even realize. You wore better clothes to the Chicago Hooters than you did to Miami? Yes. Why are you so narrow? It's in.5, so it's definitely altered. Yeah, your head looks tiny. Look at those feet, dude. You look like an image people would discover after you got here.

What the fuck? It looks insane. Yeah, this is so unproportional. Yeah. Like somebody was taking a picture of that corner, and then they looked, and there you were. That's better than you've ever dressed before. Ever.

Are you trying to steal Caitlyn? No, look, I just wanted to be classy for the angels at Hooters personally because it was a day for them. And they were closed. So we couldn't get hooted. So we went to TGI Fridays, had a nice appetizer plate, Jameson shot. And then our buddy Chris Bader was hosting a Easter dinner at a restaurant, invited us over there. And that's what we did.

We crashed an Easter dinner. Then went to Declan's. And Connor and Caitlin, I mean, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Really? Yeah. Let's stop with this. This is not what happened happened the gentleman doesn't tell no it was genuinely fun

nothing happened brent there's a lot of single guys in this office you you lucked out man no honestly i'm glad connor's fucking my sister. I really am. I'm glad. Connor, there you go. If you look at the odds of what we're stacked up against here, I mean, just troll that top level one time and look at the fucking creatures you see. Imagine if it was Rudy.

Rudy has AIDS. Rudy would be good. AIDS riddled Rudy is still better than again. Yeah, no. AIDS riddled Rudy is still Rushmore. He's still top five. Yeah. better than again. Yeah, no. A's riddled Rudy is still Rushmore. He's still top five, yeah. Look at that. Oh, no.

Here's our choices here. Look, Rudy's doing a crossword. Rudy's doing a crossword. He just has to think of letters to fill the box. He just has to fill the letters. That's a guy that doesn't know vowels. Not at all. There's Ebo over there.

I think Blutman. Ebo? Oh. Ebo. Not at all. You got Ebo over there. I think Blutman. Ebo? Oh. Ebo wouldn't be terrible. Connor or Ebo. Wait, Blutman or Connor Griffin? I pick Connor Griffin. Yeah.

Blutman, terrific guy, but I mean, I do think he probably has a fungus we don't know about. I don't know if he's a romantic. Yeah, I don't know if he... If he slow dances, he's not going to... I think when it comes to like fucking, he just wants to fuck like college basketball games or something. I don't know if he's a romantic. Yeah, I don't know if he... If he slow dances, he's not going to hit her. I think when it comes to fucking, he just wants to fuck college basketball games or something. I don't know. College football box scores. If Caitlyn was walking down the steps before prom,

I don't think he'd say wow under his breath. Also, I agree. Also, I'm not like a 23-year-old who's got a 17-year-old sister or a 19-year-old sister that all the guys... I'm 44. She's 29. I don't care. Y'all can all fuck her i don't care do whatever brand she's grown ass woman i what do i care grown ass so age doesn't matter like no i'm like i'm 44 she's 29 she's she's she's she's almost a 30 year old woman whatever she does i don't give a shit i got four kids i'm like i'm 44 she's 29 she's she's she's she's almost a 30 year old woman whatever she

does i don't give a shit i got four kids i'm worried about them i'm worried about her all right i'm worried about her pumpkin voice is getting yeah sounds like i'm worried about her is that cool brand right there it is no that was the opposite of cool brandon yeah that was frazzled i miss cool brandon cool Brandon. You should start drinking way more. Give me a couple drinks. Yeah. You want one? Maybe a little weed.

Wait, did you feel good when you were drunk when you were doing that? Oh, I felt like I just was chilled out. That's good. Yeah. Why wouldn't you want to seek that out more? Parlay that into a great week stretch. I don't know if I could maintain chill brandon for a week i think that would yeah you'd start freaking out guys 15 minutes a year is what

you're gonna get as far as cool brandon goes you really think yeah maybe 15 minutes twice a year i don't think you can go to a concert i'd be just no no big crowds freak me out vip area i'd be worried about the parking situation. We'd have to leave three hours early so we'd get a parking spot. I wouldn't. I'd be staring at somebody else who's got better seats than me. I just, it wouldn't work. I'd like to see Cool Brandon and Sylvester Sidecar at a club.

I think you guys would really. It would come to blows. Yeah, I think it would really turn this town upside down. Natural enemies. I think those guys would come together. I think if they united, I think they'd be trouble. Yeah, I think they'd run that club. Sidecar and Cool Brandon.

Yeah. Don't laugh like that. It's like how clubs are like, tonight, college towns will have somebody who's on the real world or something. Oh, yeah. Like you guys. Tonight, Cool Brandon and Sidecar. Yeah. Can we get that at a, would you guys go do a an appearance at a club oh yes sylvester

sidecar and cool brandon you can't say your actual names i'd do that i just had to pre-game like what three drinks yeah and 15 hot dogs and then uh yeah i'd be ready to go yeah i would love to see that flyer tonight only hosted by Sylvester Sidecar what is like does Sylvester Sidecar have a catchphrase

or what are his traits we don't know anything about this guy well the more you think you know the less you know right that's that's yeah it's like the

continuum transfunction I just become I lose all inhibitions and become the man. I feel like something's wrong with me right now. What's going on? Loopy. I feel like I'm going to pass out. Kyle, I'm the same way.

I'm lightheaded, but I'm not. Super lightheaded. I'm like I'm watching you guys do the act. I'm not really part of it. Something got poisoned in the air. I think we've got like carbon monoxide or something. My body's just used to it now. I'm getting progressively worse.

What are you doing? Oh, hell yeah. Oh, wait. We got ordered food. I can't take one day out of my life and try to better myself for 24 hours. I can't eat that shit. I didn't order it. I can't go one day, one day where I say, hey, I'm going to just work out and maybe eat a salad.

I didn't order this brownie. Someone's got to eat it. Is that Sylvester Sidecar's catchphrase? No, I'm not eating that brownie, dude. I didn't order this brownie. not eating the line. I'm not eating that brownie, dude. I didn't order this brownie. He said the line. That had a shelf to land on. That should really dissuade you.

It landed perfectly. No, these guys were genuinely angry. I bought a bunch of... They never eat on the yak. It's a special day. Big cat's out. Starving today. What'd you get? Deluxe?

I had a smoothie this morning. How's your back? Oh, yeah. Fucked. Are you ever going to be the same? They told me on Friday i might never run again what's the last time you ran anyway yeah yeah okay i like take my kids hiking i like whatever i don't know i'm kind of never run again it would be it's gonna take a long time a lot of physical therapy what are the impacts of a new a newborn not being held by the mother?

That's the key thing. Proximal development, yeah. Yeah, it's very important. That's held and you probably can't bend down to get on the floor at their level. Nope. Kyle, what's the prognosis? First three years of life, when you lack that, oh my God. Yeah. Drop out.

That's how you get a move. Yeah, you have a future drop out. I was going to head that way anyway. I can't wait to see the adults that the Beav and Kate create. I know it terrifies me every day. That's why I'm enjoying this phase because we're gonna lose lose handle of it very i feel like they're both just gonna be those guys that do like the the lumberjack competitions they're gonna have very niche yeah but that was a big thing on espn for a while yeah the tree

choppers too yeah right competitions yeah they're gonna do something like that like the um the chainsaw ice sculpting. Yeah. There was also the log spinning. Yeah. Something will be very off. That's for sure, for sure. I think they'll fuck.

Not each other. No, no, no, no. Just in general. I also thought you meant they would fuck each other. No, no, no. They'll for sure. That might be one day. Calling a baby a future lady killer is weird.

Yeah, it is. I never put them in like, they have all these ones that are like stud. Like whatever. Yeah, we're studding them out. He's not a heartbreaker. He's just pooping his diaper. Yeah, we should do opposite ones. Virgin.

Virgin baby ones. Virgin. Virgin baby ones. Virgin baby. Incel baby. My baby's a fucking incel. Future Reddit commenter. Yeah. Current. Current. What an insult, though.

Dude, your baby's a fucking virgin. Look at this little verge. He's a virgin who can't drive look at his tiny carless virgin little dick little dick little dick baby dick little baby dick yeah maybe one day though one day yeah it'll be fine how old's oldest he just turned three okay yeah preschool he's in he's going to full spanish immersion that's right they don't speak english like at all no way and that's that's gonna be he's gonna know spanish i know he already

he like whips out phrases every now and then we're like holy shit wait that's really cool yeah do you know spanish no i downloaded duolingo all the other all the other parents we haven't talked in months y'all beefing but all the other parents are like also learning spanish so at drop off they're all speaking spanish to each other and all i know is buenos dias and the teachers one of his teachers like doesn't really speak english and oh i had like the we had like at the every few months check-in the other day i had i was like what did what huh i sound like an idiot are you doing this to make them worldly or just because it's cheaper i failed spanish in high school and i had to take it again spanish

level and i so i want them if i could tiger mom one thing upon them it would be another language i married a spanish professor and i i can't i have nothing i can't do you got nothing yeah she'll talk to the kids in spanish and i'll i don't know how to talk yeah your kids can speak it too yeah a little bit yeah your wife's damn near polygot right she's four four languages that's crazy yeah if i could for can any of you speak any other language no no no not at all my brain just can't can't get it. English, Spanish, French, and Japanese. That's why she can speak fluently.

That's awesome. Yeah. I take him to the Spanish play place on the weekends, and I'm the only idiot who can't speak anything. Fluent and four. Three of them are useless. What do you got? Yeah, what are you?

So the three of them are Zimbabwean languages, which only 8 million people speak it. That's a good bit. 8 to 12. But yeah, English. I was close to being fluent in French. And what are the other ones? Shona, Chikorekore, which is the tribe that my dad is from,

and then Chikaranga, which is where my mom, where the tribe that my mom is from, and then Chikaranga, which is where my mom, where the tribe that my mom is from. How different are they? So, Chikorekore is very difficult. The other ones you can pick up, you can pick up once you learn the main languages, but there's a lot of them that are classified as dialects, but, dude, you can't even,

it's like a completely different language. It exactly is like that. How'd your parents meet? At school, in high school. They've been dating since they were 15. My dad just turned 75, 74 yesterday. Happy birthday. Well, on the 28th, sorry,

when we pre-taped the show or whatever. So what was your first language? Shona. Oh wow. English was my last one. Wow. I started learning English when I was seven,

eight years old in formal school. So you speak your native tongue when you're home and then the classroom will take care of the English side of things. Huh.

If my kid spoke another language, I'd just be nervous that he was talking shit on me the entire time. Yeah. Like talking back. And I'd just be like, what the fuck are you saying and my toddler keeps saying yeah what is that and moot correction your wife's kid yes yeah exactly the kid that i'm paying for the kid that fucking hates me we need to get you a future stepdad shirt yes

i would like that i don't want to birth my genetics into this world anytime soon The kid that fucking hates me. We need to get you a future stepdad shirt. Yes. I would like that. I don't want to birth my genetics into this world anytime soon. Freeze them. We'll see. Yeah. Maybe one day we'll need them. I don't know if we'll need them.

If gingers are going extinct. That's just human evolution. We'll just let it happen. You're going to stand up and fight? I'll step in. Put you in the zoo and make you fuck another redhead. Exactly, yes. He just won't do it. He just won't.

That's my dream, is to be put in a zoo and fucking another. Like a human zoo, and it's like, we need you to fuck. We need you to... That would be like paradise. Oh, yeah. You get your food sent to you. People... If they were to make you a zoo enclosure for the rest of your life,

how big do you think you would need it to be? Like an acre. An acre, half acre? Yeah. I was thinking most people could do with half acre. I think city people could do with like, you know, just a small thing. Give me a roof deck. Roof deck.

That'd be fine. If you don't have to provide anything for yourself, like what, I don't know what that would do to a person. In the movie WALL-E, they all turn into fat loads. Yeah, right. I mean, that's starting to happen. You can just order everything

to your apartment. Right. Oh, there are people that probably haven't left their apartment since COVID. What's it called? Agoraphobia or something where you never leave?

Yeah. Do we have any yakkers that are that haven't left stuck at home i would love for them to call in oh yeah not gonna roll up i go do a yak their place there still are like covid yeah people oh big time who won't go home on the holidays i maintain getting covid would be is superior to living like that yeah permanent covid is a little better yeah yeah oh boy what's the covid count in here i think i'm at four two two one three zero zero never uh tested positive damn or. Or negative, whatever the fuck. I've tested a few times.

The big difference. Yeah. Never tested negative. Never. Oof. What are you doing, Brad? I mean, I want to eat the brownie. No, no.

Eat the brownie, Brandon. Go throw the brownie away. Yeah, go throw it away. There's no reason to waste a brownie. This isn't wasting. This is a... No, how about he gifts it to someone? No, on April Fool's Day, gifting a brownie? That might be the hardest task in the world.

There he goes. No butt crack. His back's hanging out. No butt crack. Eat this brownie. Eat the brownie. Eat the brownie. What you do to it? What you do?

It's like a stun grenade was sent up there. Do we have ads to hit? Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. We don't have a press sheet, do we? No, no chat. No, I have one. I have one, too.

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There's a question on this sheet. He said he was lightheaded. I'm having the same sensation. Is there a leak in this building? I don't know. Maybe, because it happened to you again, didn't it? My head's a little tight. And it's like for a second I thought I was watching y'all do the act.

I just wasn't here at all. Like from above. Outer body experience. I was on depression meds once where I felt like I was floating above my body in a third player game for like a year. Yeah. Did you enjoy that? Not really. And then I choked on one.

For a year? No, I wasn't choking. No, no, no, no, no. You thought you were like floatingoked on one for a year no i wasn't choking no no no no no you thought you were like floating above your body for a year well i kept forgetting to take it and then i'd start taking it again and every single time you watched your you live your life for a year pretty much yeah how'd you do it was one of my better years like playing red dead i could see what was happening more clearly so i avoided troubles so if you got lucky during that time you would be like watching yourself you'd be like watching porn of yourself it was pretty

pretty terrible yeah yeah that's what i uh it's gross yeah no squat what's the worst angle to see yourself it's gotta be heel up right oh i think naked yeah i guess that's bad i never i kind of wanted would you be pissed if i sent you a nude heel up you'd have to laugh right but heel up am i just seeing no i'm standing above the phone yeah no i wouldn't like that i don't know man i wouldn't like that what do you think the first part you what do you first notice if you're looking at that angle is it nutsack or is it asshole it's all it's it's the dark the darkness crevice yeah it's it's the abyss and and then i have to i have to make sure don't look at the crevice directly right but then you're going to go look up at face and if face is looking down that's not going to be a good angle i after i had a baby the

first time i know i know but it just felt so amiss. It was like the size of a football. You had to check it out? I had to check it out. And I wish, to this day, I've never looked at it again. Don't want to know. That destroyed it for me. You probably looked like a scream mask.

It did. It was. The craziest shit I've ever seen. And never again. Yeah. Thinking about it now all right so uh heels up naked selfie on the wheel i'm yeah but i just want to see what it would look like close but can it can what do you say heels up naked selfie bernie can you get i don't understand i think you're putting it right there and you're straddling with your your phone your your falls on the ground right yeah and you're

and you're doing doing this okay that's what you're looking and then you're smiling at her or something like that right oh that's gotta be the worst

angle of all time oh my god yeah well how do I do self-timer can I do I can't do self-timer put it down I'll

I'll sneak my finger in there and I'll first of all okay yeah yeah get your finger in there. Don't say that ever again. I would argue if you were doing that but squatting. Oh.

Would be really tough. I don't, that might be. So the asshole is spread? A little bit. Yeah. That'd be tough. I never want to, people have the mirrors and stuff like that i my new the algorithm now is there's cruises you can take like uh what's a major cruise line carnival carnival you can take a carnival cruise just for swingers and i guess one

just left port and so for some reason my algorithm is swingers on this cruise and you walk into the main area and it's just circle beds all over the floor the whole cruise boat is just set up for fucking imagine maintenance right and then after that cruise goes they pick up just regular families for the next cruise who have no idea people have just been fucking on every end of this ship oh shit and they do different theme nights and whatever and the i don't know why this was my algorithm. Again, I can't even look at the algorithm. Your algorithm is always fucked up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just... Can you buy a solo ticket for that? Or do you need to bring... You probably could. I bet you could. Yeah. And I bet they'd have a thing for a lonely little redhead.

Yeah. I could be their little muse. Yeah. You should do... Yeah, you should do that. But... Send Mook on a stand-up. Sorry, I was counting money.

Yeah. Got to exchange counting money. Gotta exchange. Do your big exchange. I fucking found this in these pants. God damn it. Hell yeah. This isn't real. But anyway mirrors all over the boat. I just don't.

What angle do you not want to see yourself from? Sending a nude. What would be the worst aisle oh i don't way above nude would be just be the top of the head and then you wouldn't see my dick no penis sending a nude without any genitalia any nudity is hilarious yeah yeah oh it can easily be done too yeah so many angles um i think seeing yourself um if you ever see a like see yourself from behind it's kind of jarring because you never see the back of your head or the back of your now i'm not talking about from a nude perspective here talking about if you ever see yourself like back. On my old Twitter all the time, I used to post selfies and the joke was my butt

was hanging out in the back, but nobody ever noticed. Nobody looking for it. In the mirror. People are just looking at me. I don't know. But I would always have my butt out as the joke and then nobody noticed.

As the only man present who has ever seen you topless. That's right. What? I can't say that it is hard to tell your front from your back. It is, yes. What? There's not a lot going on. When did you see Kate topless?

Do your tits look like two scapulas? We had a morning sunshine titty episode. You saw her warlocks? You caught a glimpse. We talked about this on here before. It was the early days of COVID. You saw Kate's baz? You caught a glimpse. We talked about this on here before. It was the early days of COVID. You saw Kate's bazoongas.

Yeah. She just took them out. Oh, no. We were doing a, you know how you would do a Zoom background for... Oh. I was in a studio apartment.

She thought she was behind the Zoom background. I remember this. And you saw Kate's boobies? She thought she was behind the Zoom background. So I ran to the back of my apartment. I was like, hold on. So I ran to the back of my apartment.

I was like, hold on. And I ran to the back to change my shirt. And I didn't know. What did you say, Brandon? Hummin' a hummin'? No. No. I was paying attention.

Did a steam whistle pop out from your temple? I looked over and it's like, and I went, whoa. And I said, Kate. And then I screamed. Kate, you have tits? Not really. No. So that was that day.

Did your boys ever send you guys ball sack? No. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It used to be like a regular thing that I now look back at, and it was pretty fucking weird. Some of my old Facebook albums from my college days. Had the rugby guys just be like...

I had to private them. Sure. Who is this beautiful British Chiefs player? I haven't seen him. I think he's a rugby star. Oh, I knew they signed a rugby star but I didn't see that.

It worked out with Jordan. Oh, I knew they signed a rookie star, but I didn't see that. It worked out with George. Oh, fuck him. He's not a kicker either. Louis Reese Zammett. To the Chiefs kingdom. What position? Oh, Reese Lightning. That's cute. Whatever he wants. I think he's a receiver.

They're training him to play receiver. My god. Big dibs. Nah, I interesting. My God. Big dibs. Nah, I don't think you can take dibs on him, can you? Why? I don't know. I'll just be saying stuff. He's mine.

You know how I'll be. Uh-oh. Shit. You getting cool? No, I might. You never know. Y'all gonna eat those chickens? Or y'all just get them for the joke

They smell good Brandon Stay strong man I'm good You want it? What was on your salad? Not enough But like what was it?

It was a sweet green With chicken and pesto And all this It wasn't I didn't It wasn't enough Whatever I've never eaten a salad

And been full I can eat I can eat a salad and make myself full but i just overloaded with ranch we had a salad bar back in starkville that had uh all every it had like potato sticks and stuff on the bar all the all the that french fries yeah no no potato chips in stick form oh those are good yeah yeah good. Yeah. I would make a salad and I would go lettuce and then I would go ham, bacon bits, cheddar, ranch. Go backwards now. Cheddar, bacon bits, ham.

Top it all off with another thing of ranch and then put potato sticks on the top of all of it. And it was delicious. But I don't think it was a salad. Say that again in song form. I would go. That was really good. What's the dish called when it's called under a fur coat? Isn't that a thing you could do to dishes?

I don't think so, is it? Like halibut in a fur coat. What's in a fur coat? It's like halibut, and then you layer it. I've never heard of halibut in a fur coat. Maybe I'm just wrong. I have a quick circle back, by the way. You eat that for the halibut in a fur coat. What's in a fur coat? It's like halibut and then you layer it. I've never heard of halibut in a fur coat. Maybe I'm just wrong. I have a quick circle back by the way.

You eat that for the halibut? You talking about that position that you'd never want to send your it reminded me of a story from the other year that I blogged

about this guy named did I talk about him here? Coke Can Greg? You've talked about Coke Can Greg. Yeah, that sounds familiar. Is his dick wide?

I put it in the Yak group chat. I think you can just see it in the thumbnail but that's how he sent all of his nudes to women. Oh my God. Yeah. That Coke, Cain, Greg, he really was sending his nudes exactly that way. And he DM'd me. He's wearing a sleep mask.

He DM'd me just the other week. Oh, that's scary. Yeah. Just the other week. And he wanted to talk about something. Look at his button Hey bestie it's the weekend Woo

The rapper singer But he just came out of the blue again the other week Which just reminded me of that position Sorry it's just jarring So you all needed to see it I should have followed up and seen what he had to say I'm sure it was important I'm trying to think of other Like a nude scent with like a clothed person I should have followed up and seen what he had to say. Sure, it was important.

I'm trying to think of other, like a nude scent with like a clothed person next to you. Yeah, just comparison? I don't know. Like you and your boy. I miss the nude pictures sending between boyfriend and girlfriend or between people. I miss that part of life. I'm too early for that. That's an actual thing that people do now, right? you miss it like no i missed it i was too i was too early we didn't have the technology i was married by the time we had good cameras on phones i refused

to have an iphone when snapchat was a thing i had a windows phone that looked like a Pokedex. Of course. So I didn't get on that wave. Huh. So Snapchat's only iPhones? At the time it was. It didn't have a Windows phone. Were you a big like, this has more features than I could? No, it was a red phone it looked like a Pokedex and I had a Game Boy

emulator on it. Oh, fuck yeah. And it made the phone way too hot and I never used it. What's a pokedex it's the data storage device don't act like you're too good to answer that question i figured you'd know wait brandon in your day were people sending nudes through the mail no in fact no polaroid polaroid here's the thing the first time i ever got a late night text, I didn't know what it was. And I missed out on some pussy because of it. Oh.

I had just been with a girl, and somebody dropped us all off, dropped her off at her place, dropped me off at my place. And then about 30 minutes later, I noticed my phone had this girl's number on it, and there were words under it and I was like what the fuck is that my phone must be malfunctioning and I just put it down what were the words it was it was exactly what you

wanted him to be you up yeah it was like I'm over so what are you gonna do now and something like that and so I missed out on some you didn't know what a text message was no I didn't when I got my first text message I didn't know what a text message was. No, I didn't. When I got my first text message, I didn't know what it was. That's crazy.

That's... It makes sense. Yeah. This was 2002, which I guess there were probably... Yeah, I'm up in my basement thinking of my top 10 favorite 90s songs. What are you doing?

Yeah, what did you do before Twitter? No, Kate. I can't imagine you... Fucking idiot. We don't have basements in the South. There's too many bugs and it's too damp. That's true.

So we usually just hide in the barn again. Rec room? We'll sit in the carport or the garage. Carport's big. Yeah, I guess an OG you up text

was like climbing through a window. Like throwing rocks You throw a pebble at a window. Yeah. Do you ever do that? Never done that either.

You ever hold a boombox over your head nope but well not for that reason no sex has gone down since the text message it has right i mean these these we get too busy on the phones and we don't fuck as much correct we didn't have anything else to do back then. Speak for yourself, my man. But yes. Yeah. Sex is way down. And it's especially, it's getting lower and lower with the new generation.

Well, I think too, it's probably more of a jump scare. Because on the phone, you can get the lighting right. You can make things photoshopped a little bit. You see this thing in person. People are afraid to like meet in person now yeah yeah oh sorry for the pubes yeah that was normal they're everywhere just screaming infidelity driving is way down like kids aren't getting their licenses anymore yeah that's a thing too.

Like my daughter's coming up on getting her license, but she hasn't done the stuff necessary to get it, so she'll probably get it a little bit late. Well, my teen cousins who live here, they Uber and Lyft everywhere. They don't need or they take the train. Well, city's different, I guess, then. You have to retake your driver's test? Yep.

I would fail that. I know. I have to relearn how to parallel park. Brandon's going to teach me. Wait, why do you have to do it again? It was expired for too long. So, yeah. I would fail that. I know. I have to relearn how to parallel park. Brandon's going to teach me. Wait, why do you have to do it again? It was expired for too long. So yeah, I'm on that. I got to go to the DMV, but I can't find proof of social security number.

Proof of social security. It's harder than you think. It is harder than you think. I misplaced my card. Oh. Well, I traded it, but I pawned it. What did you trade trade it for i figured there'd be other forms like it's not the there's a new rule with the w2 that doesn't show the full ssn oh no bueno i mean this could be a chance for you to start fresh what do you mean a new identity

new identity new number sylvester sidecar will be born there's got to be a way you could find it can't you just get another the thing is i need a non-expired id to get another correct i've gotten in that hell before where you know you need the social security card to get the driver's license but you need the driver's license to get the social security card and it's, it's. I feel like I would pay somebody like several hundred dollars to just figure that shit out for me. Help me get my Illinois license.

Yep. I read for an airport, they will accept it up to three months expired. Yeah, they will. The day I leave Hawaii is exactly three months. Oh my God. I don't know if I have a chance of that. That's what I'm trying. Yeah, I'm trying to get it ASAP.

Yeah. Do you have a passport? No. Oh, God. No. I would let it roll, dude. Yeah. Worst case, you get caught in Hawaii.

You're stuck there. There's a lot of homeless people stuck on Hawaii, right? Yeah, I think a lot of homeless people just go there. How do they get there? Imagine being seated on a plane just next to a homeless person. That happened to me once. TJ, you want to spin the wheel? Yeah.

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It should be long enough, but it's tight, right? No. I mean, it could be tight enough but it's it's it's tight right no i mean it could be tight i mean you know you're fine depending on when the plane leaves you know delta's reliable that's pretty reliable yeah you'll be fine planes these days are easy all right you pick up any new fits for the trip oh yeah no no you're gonna pick up some fits there i don't think i need you in like one of those italian hats what do they look like just some type of top hat okay what do you want what do you want to eat sun hat maybe what do i want to eat yeah dude i'm gluten intolerant why are you going i want to see the coliseum no you got to OD on gluten for that, dude. I would be miserable. Probably olives.

Yeah, olives would be good. Ham, you could eat some ham. Is that an Italian thing? Olives and ham, yeah. I'll do the olives and ham. Make a lot of ham. Keep them coming. Yeah. Yeah.

Wine? Gelato? Gelato. Why did you say gelato like that? I i'm gonna come back such a pompous dickhead oh yeah you're gonna be like giada she over she over enunciates all her italian words yeah that's me crazy that's why i won't watch her that's you won't watch giada no i won't i don't care i don't care what they look like i don't it's very she over enunciates She does ricotta It's her job to speak No it's not

It's not What's her job? Huh? What's her job? Whatever her job is It's not to over enunciate The Italian To make it seem like

She's more authentic Than she is Her name's Giata When you go out to eat And people say It's order bruschetta Yeah It's bruschetta

Muzzarelle Oh Yeah Tommy Smokes The biggest asshole In life All those New York guys. Yeah.

My boy came back from Italy studying abroad and he kept saying prosciutto. Ah, yeah. Pesto. He would say pesto. I'm not going to do this. What would you say? Pesto. Pesto.

Pesto. Huh. Dropping nuts. Spin that motherfucking wheel. Yeah. Oh, it's wet. Guess not. Try.

Guess not. April Fool's. Got us. All right. So we'll see you next week. Yeah, mini golf. That'll be fun. All right.

Are you doing it? Yeah. Nice. I should be. The rest of us will be back tomorrow yeah with dan and titus if you see dan and titus at the cubs game go fucking kiss yeah let's see It's the act. Have a good week, everybody. See you tomorrow. Bye.