The Yak - The Return of the World's Funniest Travis? | The Yak 3-12-24

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. Uh-oh. Welcome to the Yak. Roback.com right now. We're sponsored by Roback.com. Promo code YAK. 20% off your first purchase.

Cueses, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Use code YAK. 20% off your first purchase. Huge announcement. Kyle's a scumbag. Damn. Huge piece of shit.

It was hard to watch. Shocked. I don't know what to do professionally from here. I can't be attached to this. Are you talking about what I did this morning? No. What the hell did you do this morning? Oh, no.

Don't worry about it. What did you do this morning? The Zins? I was talking about the Zins. You offered me a Zin and i took two hold on i didn't offer one for later i opened up in my mouth you then went like this obviously i you're a very good friend of mine i will give you a zin you took two i said oh you throw two in now and you go no i'm saving one for later that's a scumbag move no it's not when the yes it is all right listen okay when the situation is flipped i'm saying take as many as you want i listen i'm not i take a handful but that i've

never had a friend be like oh only one no that's not what i don't know they're always oh every every damn pal has been like take no take more oh now you're flipping it it's crazy to take one for later that's if i was bumming cigarettes back in my fucking days in new york and i took one for now and then i took one for later i would get punched if you put five in your mouth right now i wouldn't give a fuck oh you took one for later like that's a scummy move. Unsanitary? No. How do you not understand this? That's a scummy move. No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

When you're bumming one, it's for now. It's for now. And then when you need another one, I'd give you another one. But being like, oh, I'll just save one for later? But you have to understand the convenience on both of our sakes. No, there's no convenience on my side. I don't want to call you out mid-show. Because you actually messed up the one thing,

and I'll say it even more. I'll say it even more. Zen, I don't know what they'll ever figure it out. They only put 15 in. Someone myself who does two a time, I'm always left with one extra one, so I'm always happy to give away one. Gets my numbers correct.

I didn't know you were a Zen counter i didn't know you count it i don't i don't i don't but one for later is crazy kate's exactly right if one for later if anything is a little if it was a cigarette you'd be the craziest person that is kyle though i mean the good great friend listen i love kyle i'm not going to change my opinion him. I just think that he's a scumbag now. I don't know. I'm on Kyle's side. What did you do this morning? Yeah, what did you do this morning? Yeah, what did you do this morning?

Never mind. Oh, come on. Now you got to tell us what you did this morning. We just left it with Max and Donnie. Yeah, you guys were getting after it. Yeah, Tate changed the culture single-handedly. He did. Just getting everyone in.

Listen, if he's going to tweet out every day that he's in first, I'm going to try to get there. That will end up being a scumbag move. He hasn't reached it yet because he's still on teacher time. Yeah. But if he does it every day, then it's like. And if every day he does it, he says, I'm not trying to. Yeah, right.

Listen, the point of doing this is not to throw shots at my coworkers. Right. Well, I walked in. I thought I was first. Walked in, turned the corner. He was there. He smirked at me, and he said, first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. Oh.

He said, listen, Kyle, I don't typically pilfer victory, but I must ask you this. How great are the dangers I face? Wait, is he doing the speech? It's Michael Clayton. It's the Michael Clayton speech. No, that wasn't it. That wasn't it?

That was Alexander the Great. Oh, shit. But yeah, he was here first. Yeah, he was here first. And I like that. But yeah, if he does it every day, then it's going to turn into being like, what are you doing? Because we don't need to clock hours here. So now it's a race to was here first and i like that but yeah if he does it every day then it's going to turn into being like what are you doing because we don't need to clock hours here so now it's a race to get here first no i got i don't know i kind of like the motive like oh you like like a little pep every i gotta be honest i get here early i usually leave my house at 6 45 and i

get here when i get here this morning i woke up about 30 minutes early i tried to beat him okay but here's the here, but here's the problem. You're risking alienating yourself from everybody. Right. And also, what did you do with those extra half hour here? Nothing. Oh, well, I was just stuck in traffic. It was terrible.

Oh, okay. Because, like, we could all – I could get here at 2 in the morning. I'd have nothing to do. It took me an hour and 50 minutes to get here today. Shit. Jesus. Yeah. Shit.

It's the worst thing. I think it would be cooler to show, like, if you could get a ton of shit done in one hour. It's like, wow, you did that Shit. Jesus. Yeah. Shit. It's the worst thing. I think it would be cooler to show, like if you could get a ton of shit done in one hour. It's like, wow, you did that in one hour? Yeah. Extra hour.

It's like the dudes that are like, I live three days in one day. I wake up at four in the morning, and from four to seven is my first day. Yeah. My days are an hour long. Yeah. You do 24 hour days.

Yep. I do 24 days in a day. In a day. I got a surprise today, by the way. I saw you tweet it out. Yeah. Yeah. Got a surprise guest.

Is it a wrestling-themed thing? Nope. I got a surprise guest coming around 1230. Surprise guest. Oh, that'll be fun. Can we have a clue? No. Who could it be? Yak- we have a clue? No.

Yak related. There's your clue. Is this a man that any of us have met, if not all of us? Warmer. That's a boy that we've met. We'll wait. It's going to be a great surprise. Is it somebody in Yak lore?

Hot. Melissa Joan Hart. Correct. It's Melissa Joan Hart. The guy who hits wiffle balls in his backyard. Oh, that would rule. John Stamos. John Stamos.

Does this person have a Wikipedia page? Colder. Oh. I'm not giving any more of these away. I want it to be a surprise. It's gotta be. Yeah, but you're also addicted to saying warmer. I know. I know. I get it. Che feels like God when he does this. Is this person a Barstool employee?

Colder. It's gotta be colder. Why would that be a surprise? It could be someone from New York.ork surprise it's a co-worker surprise it's max delento whoa hey crazy uh but yeah that will happen around 12 30 i think this person man or woman will potentially do the gauntlet because we have it sponsored today will we recognize them when we see them? No. Oh, it's a voice only. Huh. Maybe.

I'm going to pickle. I'm going to go maybe. Warm-ish. Alright, now we can fucking guess. Florence Pugh? Yes. Who's that? He actually guessed that. You don't know? Why are you on Florence Pugh right Yes. Who's that? He actually guessed that. You don't know?

Why are you on Florence Pugh right now, Jack? Who's Florence Pugh? She's in Dune. She's in Midsommar. Show me a picture of Florence Pugh. Oh, she's in Oppenheimer? I don't think so. Was she not?

She looked great in the Oscars. She had naked tits out, right? In Oppenheimer? Did she have naked tits out? She got naked in the Oppenheimer. Oh, she was a fat titty girl in Oppenheimer. In the Oppenheimer, yeah. Yeah, she was a communist titty girl in the Oppenheimer. Yeah.

Yeah, she was a communist. Sneaky British. Yeah. She's British? Yeah, Sam. That is sneaky British. I guess the name Florence Pugh. I like her.

What about Justin Pugh? Oh, wow. Not British. Not British. Very much New Jersey. All right, who's coming in today? Could this person rep 225? That's a good question.

Maybe. Okay. Wow. Is it a fella? No. Was their net worth over 750K? Definitely not. Well, I don't want to besmirch.

I would say no. That's not insulting. No, no. No, I don't want to besmirch. I would say no. That's not insulting. No, no. No, but I... I was just trying to figure out if it was an athlete. Under 750 is not insulting, but saying definitely not. Definitely. That was insulting. Oh, it's a loser.

It's like way, way, way lower. Don't know if he has a job or her. Does this person have a job? Don't know if he has a job or her. Does this person have a job? Don't know. Lukewarm. All right, we got to move on topics because I'm going to give it away

and it's also not like that. Well, actually, I think it will be fun. No, let's really, really hype it up so it's disappointing

no matter what. I think it will be fun because it's something that it's almost, let's say it's closing a book. We're closing a book today. We're closing a book today. We're closing a book. Oh.

Yeah, we're closing a book. We are closing a book. I know who it is. That made me more confused. I know exactly who it is. No, you don't. Yeah, I do. No, you don't.

I'm not going to say it because I don't want to ruin the surprise. Closing a book. Is it an author? Is it J.K. Rowling's turf ass? Get her out of here. Is it the naughty book writer? Oh here is it the naughty book writer oh is it the naughty book writer lady i've said too much this hoe got roaches i've said too much i know exactly who it is and when they come through the door i'm gonna go yep you're gonna know

exactly who i thought i believe you know definitely don't know i know exactly i couldn't be why is everyone right oh no stop don't don't everyone writing down a guess? Oh, no, stop. Don't, don't. Everyone write down a guess or text me a guess, and I'll tell you if you're right. We've got to move on because I'm going to give it away. I kind of don't want to. I kind of want to be surprised. Okay, all right. Yeah.

Surprises are fun. I don't want to ruin it for the rest of the game. Surprises are fun. I do know who it is. I know you do. Yeah, for sure. Nick is wrong. Fuck. Who'd you do. Yeah, for sure. Nick is wrong. Fuck.

Who'd you think? Jameis101. That would have been great. Shay, also very wrong. When has Jay Glazer been part of the act? Why do you say that? Jay Glazer. Why do you say the people you say?

He only thinks of football. He gets Jay Glazer. What? I thought he kind of fit. Oh gets Jake Lazor. What? I thought he kind of fit. Oh, that would really close the book. Answer a lot of questions. If Jake Lazor walked in, you guys all would be like, okay, Jake Lazor's here? Yeah, exactly.

Some people wouldn't recognize him. Everyone would recognize Jake Lazor. No wonder. Why is Jake Lazor here? And everyone would be like, what does he have to do with the yak? Absolutely nothing. He's been on before. All right, I'm wrong.

I'll own it. I end up. I'll just preview something next Sunday. The Dozen. You should just watch this because Jay's brain is just. I don't know how I do. I don't know how this guy is just so, so deeply entrenched in my life. Yeah, you're stuck with him.

It's like deep entrenchment, though. There's not a day I can't avoid Che. He's just in my mind. He's always in the back of your mind. Right. He's your herpes. Yeah, he is. He's got flare-ups.

You're right. And remember, even during the football season when I was overdosing on Che, I told him, I was like, don't text or call on Saturday. I need a day. That was a full-fledged outbreak. You were oozing. You were oozing Che. I figured this out.

Che Glazer. Che, take another guess. Yeah, Che, keep guessing. Is Che Glazer cold or what? Che Glazer could not be colder. It's the coldest it could possibly be. So it's a woman. So think of the exact opposite of Jay Glazer.

The hairy twink. Melissa McCarthy. Rebecca Lobo? Would Rebecca Lobo be the opposite of Jay Glazer? Exact opposite. I think so. Yin and yang. Yeah.

A very tall female who's in basketball he said melissa mccarthy i love melissa mccarthy i saw her at airport once that's that's how you literally my whole story like yeah i love her i didn't say anything to her she just walked by me and i was like that was melissa mccarthy fucking sick yeah not bad pretty cool oh Brushed with greatness. You guys are still thinking. I wish you would stop. No, I'm not thinking. I'm thinking Melissa McCarthy flicks that I like.

Love St. Vincent. The Heat. She was the best part of Bridesmaids. Even the one she made that sucked was good. With Sandra Bullock? No, that was The Heat. That was great. I don't like the Girl Scout cookie one. Yes.

That one sucked, but it was great. Oh, God. You saw that? Yeah, I did. That one sucked, but it was great. Oh, God. You saw that? Yeah, I did. I don't know why I saw that. I think I'm just a super fan of McCarthy. Kate, what just happened? You said, oh, fuck, your phone went a little crazy.

My phone just started ringing. That's all. Is this a doctor telling you that you're dying? It says spam, so I'm okay. Yeah, it does do that now. A lot of people think I'm legit wheelchair bound after those social posts you looked it

I'm not you're close I watched you come in today you don't walk with the same vigor you used to walk with I think I'm crooked I know everyone's tired of you I'm done talking about it but I am you're closer than most

oh here we go Quicks made it this is the Big Ben graphic crazy oh this is perfect You're closer than most. Oh, here we go. Quicks made it. This is the Big Ben graphic. Crazy. Oh, this is perfect. Blood on spine. And those are really my pajamas that Pat's mom got me. Can you send me that, TJ? We just get her some Toradol and just put her out there on punt team.

No problem. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How did the show end yesterday? Did you come back down all wet yeah yeah that's tough very sad it was sad thank you it did feel sad it did feel sad i feel like i'm not bringing the cool factor taking your shoes off but keeping your socks on is insane brandon yeah wait that's what that was insane what was the thought process that's actually the worst combo yeah what was their thought process? That's actually the worst combo. Yeah. What was the thought process? Yeah, take them

all off or keep the shoes on. You were tired of bending. I didn't want to get my shoes wet. I would rather my shoes get wet than my socks. I didn't want people getting wet. Her whole body was getting wet. It didn't fucking matter. You know, that's both of you are insane. I didn't get wet there. Wet socks top five worst things? One.

I'd rather break the majority of my spine. I was fine. If I had a, if I don't, if I had some hair on my big toe, that's all the internet would be talking about. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's true. I think I've said this before,

but when I was in my late 20s searching for cures to hangover, one of them that I read online was put on wet socks before you go to bed. That's Ron Swanson. That sounds terrible. Ron Swanson's hangover medicine is get home, cook a big flank steak, put on a pair of wet socks, and go to bed. That's Ron Swanson. That sounds terrible. Ron Swanson's hangover medicine is get home, cook a big flank steak,

put on a pair of wet socks, and go to bed. Oh. Well, maybe that's where I got it from, but I did. Mine was get home, drink a 20-ounce Diet Coke, eat a banana, put on wet socks, go to bed. Did not help. Two Advil, did not help. Dramamine and jerk off.

That's not even a hangover. No, it's a WFP song. It is funny the things you search for. When you hit that wall of hangovers start to become a problem. She's like, I can figure this out. No, you can't. The world has never been anything that even somewhat helped. It's age is the only thing.

Yeah. And the rare guys who just don't get hung over. But those guys are usually alcoholics. Yeah. That's a bad sign when you're not hung over. Yeah. When people are like I never get hangovers. Like that's a problem.

I drink every single day and I never get hung over. Pussy. Yeah. Start drinking at 7 a.m. I'm never hung over. Brandon do you get hung over. I feel like I get hangovers three or four times 7 a.m. I'm never hungover. Brandon, do you get hungover? I feel like I get hangovers three or four times a week. Yeah, not even for drinking.

Without even drinking. No. You get hungover from the sun. Everything, everybody that, and I guess I got hungover when I was in college, but every description of a hangover just feels like the morning. Yeah, no, you're right. It's like. I'm not really coherent until about 10 o'clock i got

i got a slight headache until about 10 o'clock i don't want to move i just want to lay in a dark room but you're also constantly anxious right yeah i am but it's the realization uh that you get where you're like i'll never be 100 ever again in my life i'll probably never be 90 if i could get to 60 i'd be great my 100 is like somewhere in the high 80s okay so if i'm like 87 percent that's the best i could possibly feel is there any peds that could like up for a split second like i'm at 100 no i don't think so i don't think I'll ever hit 100 again. When were you at 100? Probably like mid-20s.

But what was the recipe to get there? I was in shape, and I also just had energy for life. It's over. I wasted all that energy playing video games and eating Totino. Yeah, I didn't do shit with that. No energy for life. You're 100. You got 100 in you.

No. What percent of the day are you tired? 70. Yeah. You talking to me? Oh, I don't know about you. Oh, 100. You're always tired.

I almost said to you today, I was like, I'm just never not tired. Yeah. I'm never not tired. Yeah. It's because not tired. Yeah. It's because Tate's got you coming in here so fucking early. Tate's fucking cracking the fucking whip. Cracking the whip. He's spanking that ass.

Hey, when are we going to do CrossFit choreography? I don't know. I made that up. Are you teaching classes? Because when I got here this morning, you were doing an exercise, but Donnie was doing it. Kind of a vibe of teaching. Donnie was doing the exact same exercise as you at the same time. Donnie pulled it up.

He ran the workout. Okay. But y'all were doing it in tandem. Yeah, all three of us. Was it like P90X? No, he just plugs in the equipment we have on an app, and it spits out workout options. That's cool.

It was a very jaunty exercise that you were doing, a lot of twisting. Yeah, he's a mobility guy. Hip thrust. And Max was getting into it too. He showed up later than the rest of us. Max has a lot of potential. I don't want to wear this belt anymore. Is Max under your wing?

Not mine, but he seems motivated to keep working out. Yeah, he decided to start his diet yesterday, which is right before two full weeks of just doing nothing but watching basketball when is the best time to start a diet there's always some sort of event oh when is the best time to start a diet never when's the sports drought i think it's right after March Madness. The weather's starting to get good. Yeah, the weather's starting to get good.

You want to go outside and drink. Well, you can drink low-calorie alcohols. Yeah, I think never's the answer. That's how the city seems to operate. You can't do it in the spring. I've noticed that about Chicago. It's like when the weather's shit, we got to drink. What else are we going to do?

We got to go to the bars. It's like there's nothing else to do. Nothing else to do. But goddamn, the weather's awesome. Did you want to get together and drink? So much good when the weather's shit, we got to drink. What else are we going to do? We got to go to the bars. It's like there's nothing else to do. Nothing else to do. But goddamn, the weather's awesome. Did you want to get together and drink? So much. Also, yeah, was it last weekend or the weekend before, it was like 60 degrees and sunny, and there's like, where'd all these people come from?

Everyone's out. It's great. I left work yesterday, and the sun was still out. I was like, holy fuck. Man. It's really fucking with my kids. I'm having a problem. I forgot about daylight savings.

You got some sleepyheads? Yeah, they just can't figure out why they're going to bed when it's still light out. Oh, yeah. It's a good question. It is a good question. I don't really have an answer to it. It's a problem. I just don't know why we do the let it get dark at 5 o'clock.

We should always move time to where it gets dark at like 7 o'clock. Daddy, my Canadian rhythm is off. Yeah, that's what they say. Have you gone out to the park and grounded your kids? Let them walk barefoot? No, they did. Sun their perineum. Yeah, they did the asshole. Did you see that festival? There's a perineum sunning festival

coming up. Really? Oh, that's something I don't want to do. Where's the festival? I think it's in California. We gotta send somebody. Is that where you sun your festival coming up. Really? Where's the festival? I think it's in California. We got to send somebody. Is that where you sun your asshole? Yeah. We should send Mincy to that. Yeah, we should.

Oh, my God. Him just being like, and all these weirdos. Like, don't tell him what it's for. Yeah, yeah. And he just gets there. You would need like pliers to get to Mincy's asshole the way his asshole is. Yeah, right. He'd end up at the wrong festival.

It would be a foreskin darkness retreat. You bet a farmer's market trying to get his fucking ass open. He's got, yeah, he's got like a big flapjack. Yeah, he does. And just be like, all right, can you now take off your pants? Like, they're already off. One D. All right, my surprise is here.

Oh. Should we, hold on. All right. My surprise is here. Should we hold on? Well, yeah. We're not going to be able to think of anything. I have an intro video for this person. I have no idea who this could be. Should I play the intro video or would you like to be surprised? Because the intro video obviously. If you have an intro video, it's the only time to use it.

Okay. I hope it's Nick NFT. Big nose, man. It started with a simple statement. I don't think you could be named Travis and be funny. I fucking knew it. Which led to a worldwide competition. We should do a show.

We should find the funniest Travis. The funniest Travis USA. That took us on a journey of a lifetime. Remember Tavis? I remember Tavis. Where we met one man. I'm just going to pop this kitty up here. And his love for women's basketball.

Take Stanford plus 700 to Will. Walt Dementley overcame his name. I was born with type 1 diabetes, so I got obese to get type 2 diabetes. And proved that a Travis can be funny. He's back. Travis Maldonado. The world's funniest Travis. This is what the people like.

Just dumb, stupid shit to get us through the hump, get us through the day. There he is. The funniest Travis in Americaica he's here oh welcome back and i got uh so travis great to see you sit down i have to just one-up it the funniest travis is here this is mark we it was like a year and i was actually on the show oh I yeah I remember I was I was I was like in New York it was a year ago almost exactly right yeah I'm not kidding find the time I remember yeah you might have been yeah I was yeah I sat down you were explaining to me the funniest Travis and I was like all right I guess and yeah I was

yeah I remember yeah so the funniest Travis is here and he's here for the funniest reason. He drove his sister 12 hours to compete in Jersey Jerry's Feet the Street. No! Oh, shit. Listen, listen. Where's your sister? He hit me up yesterday. He's like.

It's all freshening up. That is funny. Dude, he hit me up yesterday. He's like, I'm driving 12 hours. Is it okay if I 12 hours? He's like, is it okay if I at least just check out the office? I was like, dude, come on the yak. Yeah, I texted, I told her to ask Lucas.

Yeah. I guess he's running the Jerry after dark thing. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I don't know what security, like, I don't know if your brother can come. And I'm like, listen, let me call Big Cat. Yeah. See what the big guy says and now we're here so thank you yes and now you're here how has your life changed since becoming probably 85 followers okay great that's huge i'm up to 232 really big um at the live show i got a

couple hey it's big trap i was wow, that's really fucking cool. I guess I look pretty obvious looking. When you see me, you know that's the giant Puerto Rican guy. Funniest Travis. It's a Funniest Travis. Yeah. Do you have people stopped you and been like, oh, you won Funniest Travis? When I was at Vegas, when I saw you.

Yeah, a couple of people did. Oh, hell yes. That was fucking sweet. That's awesome. But besides that, yeah, no, nothing. So, and you drove 12 hours? 13, yeah. Yeah, a couple of people did. Oh, hell yeah. It was fucking sweet. That's awesome. But besides that, yeah, no, nothing. So, and you drove 12 hours? 13, yeah. 13 hours.

When the act calls, I answer every time. Well, no. You didn't call. I called. Yeah, yeah. It's your sister's competing. When Jerry calls for feet, I come to the act. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Every time, I want that on writing. So, did you tell your sister about it, or did she see it? She's been following me more just because I watch all the guy. Okay. Every time, I want that on writing. So did you tell your sister about it, or did she see it? She's been following me more just because I watch all the time. So she knows what's going on. And then I told her, I was like, yo, you got to do this. So you kind of- You got to do the- I don't want to say the P word, but you kind of pimped her out?

A thousand percent. Okay. She knows the deal. I get 50% of earnings. Okay. Yeah. If she doesn't win, she can find her way home. Okay. And besides that, I think we're pretty good. So yeah. She knows the deal I get 50% of earnings Okay Yeah If she doesn't win She can find her way home

Okay And besides that I think we're pretty good So yeah I love it Without sounding weird No sound weird How are her feet?

Yeah Handicap She's like On a fashion show Should I wear this? And like I don't really understand That fetish

Right So I don't really know What these guys are looking for Right Is she doing toenail polish? is she getting a pedicure like yeah she got it she's she's another psycho she's a psycho okay puerto rico i know on the yak it's kind of but she's fit for a straight jacket okay pedicure going through colors because our younger cousins are coming over going looking at the fashion show which shoes are better like

i mean it's just it's a whole fiasco oh but i'm proud of her she's taking it seriously i love that she looks presentable which yeah yeah can you imagine the family dynasty if you're the Her shoes are better. I mean, it's a whole fiasco. But I'm proud of her. She's taking it seriously. I love that. She looks presentable, which is cool. Can you imagine the family dynasty if you're the funniest Travis and she's got the best feet? It's going to happen for sure. Yeah. 100%.

I have full faith in her. You're like one of those Miss USA moms, like getting your – Oh, my God, I know. Yeah. Get some pom-poms. Yeah. Is there going to be a voting process? I don't know.

I'll have Jerry. I don't think anybody knows, do they? It's been know. I'll have Jerry come in. Everybody knows, do they? I didn't even know that was happening. I thought Jerry was punting on the whole idea this morning. That seemed to be what his attitude was. That's every Tuesday morning with Jerry After Dark. Wait, so this is today? Yeah, this is tonight.

Jerry After Dark, he's doing Feet the Streets, Arch Madness. He has a bracket of I don't know how many girls. His last video said five. He said five? Five grand. Does it have to be a woman? Listen. Yes.

This was Arch Madness. This was never going to work from the start. You know, these girls, they, oh, yeah, I'll sell my feet pics. I'll do this. I'll do that. They ain't like that. They ain't like that because when it comes, when push comes to shove, they didn't show up.

We had over 1,000 submissions. 950 were guys. 50 were girls. 40 confirms. 35 girls have dropped out right now. We're down on five girls. That's pretty good odds, though. That's good odds.

This went south quick. Lucas and Ryan had boots on the ground. They went to a strip club yesterday. Going to Hooters, strip clubs. No bites. We're going to figure out a way to make this work. Any females 21 plus. If you want to win 5,000.

It doesn't have to be 21 plus, right? I think you should not say if it's probably a good move. 18 plus? Okay. Yeah, he sent Lucas and Ryan to the strip club. How did that look? Paige told me that Ryan went to the strip club, and he was talking to the manager, and he was so nervous that she just was like,

all right, you got to get out of here. She kicked him out. He was just falling over his words and explaining that he needs a bunch of the strippers to show up. There we go. Was that Mackenzie? That was Mackenzie. her and Mad Dog. Oh.

But then, like, what if one of them win? What would be more uncomfortable for a coworker to win? Yeah. Yeah. What would be more uncomfortable if they won or were the first out? I don't know. I think win would be very weird. Yeah.

Let's get Jerry in here. Can you find Jerry? Let's get him in here to explain. Yeah, I need to work with him, actually, too. Oh, really? What about? This is breaking news to you guys. Fuck, I feel bad. Name's not Travis.

Get the fuck out. Wait, what? What do you mean? Your name isn't Travis? What the fuck do you mean? I photoshopped my birth certificate. What the fuck do you mean? Say it. I photoshopped my birth certificate. What the fuck?

We got a Danny Almonte situation in the world. Worse. Worse. That was his name. This is just. I apologize. Who came in second? Tavis.

So fair game. So fair game. Yes, yeah. TJ, can we get Tavis on Can you find Tavis What's your name What is your name My government name Is John Anthony one name one word

What It's Maldonado though That doesn't matter John Anthony John Anthony So John Anthony. What's up? Hey. So my Twitter handle used to be BigTuan.

Yeah. And that's when I got picked to be one of his interns when we were going to do the competitions. Right. It never happened or whatever. Yeah, I remember. Then the Travis thing come up. I'm like, let me just. Tuan Travis.

You photoshopped your government ID to win the funniest Travis competition. And you know what? It got you here right now. So I guess fair game. All things are possible through Christ. But it proves our point. There's no funny Travis. All things are possible through Christ.

And Photoshop. And Photoshop. Okay, I was going to say, yeah. There's no funny Travis. But this is also the funniest wrinkle of Travis. Travis would never have that maneuver. Never. No.

There's no Photoshop. We got to get Tavis on. You got to hit up Tavis. Yeah, but we got to at least tell him that he would have won funniest Travis. But he's not Tavis either. Well, he's closer to Travis than John Anthony. Yes. John Anthony.

We're splitting. I like the clarified Maldonado. Oh, yeah. Well, we were looking for you clarified Maldonado. Oh, yeah. We were looking for the funniest Maldonado. I didn't lie about that. I even realized that Travis Maldonado. How do we fall for that? That's aerial rounded.

That's the fakest thing I've ever seen, TJ. Perfectly flat. I guess I didn't expect. This was a week-long ordeal. Zoom in more to the Travis. I thought it was pretty good. No, it's not, Jimmy. You're Kate Middleton right now.

Oh, my God. Yeah, show. Come on. Come on. That's so bad. There's ink missing from Maldonado. Travis is on a wrinkleinkle and it just goes perfectly. Yeah, I tried for a while.

I was like, you know what? So you don't even know Photoshop. Listen, I did on my cell phone. Yeah, okay. So yeah, you don't know Photoshop. Oh my God, so hard. That's so perfect. Man, we put a lot of effort into finding the funniest tracks.

So when you work from home, you got to kill time. Download Photoshop illegally illegally all that this is I apologize to you that you know our relationship started off under a big ruse I'm not mad I'm just disappointed that we don't have a funny I know but like listen it's not you because I like no it's not it's that we tried to find the funniest Travis, and we found the funniest John Anthony. With no H? I appreciate that. No H, capital A.

And it's one word? It's one word, no middle name. Wait, no space? No hyphen? No space? Is your middle name supposed to be Anthony? No. But if your name's John Anthony.

My dad wanted John. You know the story. Wait, spell your name. J-O-N, capital A, N-T-H-O-N, John Anthony. One word. That's ridiculous. Yeah, of course you're funny. That is the most ridiculous name.

Of course I'm funny. Of course I'm fat. No space. With a giant first name. They gave me two first names. I have to make up with it with girth and size and ingenuity. John Anthony. One of those is supposed to be in the middle. You can't be John Anthony, no middle those is supposed to be in the middle. Yeah. You can't be John Anthony, no middle name.

That's a hilarious way for your parents to break a tie. We'll just make up a name. My name perfectly fits on Scantron, too. It's not a single space left over. Oh. Fun fact. It is a fun fact. This guy walked into your strip club.

You're really going to give him girls? Yeah, right. So what happened to Ryan in the strip club? I heard that he couldn't even get it out. No, I think the bouncers shut it down too. Yeah. That's something you should have been talking.

You could have talked your way in. Yeah, but I don't want to be seen in those places. You're doing a feet competition. Yeah, it's different though. That's different. That's totally different. That's no sexual anything.

So explain what's going to happen tonight, how you're going to judge, how it's going to go. I'm going to treat it like the Westminster Dog Show. Okay. Just like that, pretty much. That's good. Oh, that's my sister you're talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's my sister's in it. I thought it was somebody else. No, it was, what's his name? Conrad. He's got two for me, too. Danny Conrad? Danny Conrad got two for you?

And the skinny kid. Is there a finder's fee? A hundred bucks, maybe. Okay, we can find some. A hundred bucks. Per girl. Per girl? A hundred bucks, maybe. Okay, we can find some. A hundred bucks. Per girl. Per girl? A hundred bucks.

Okay. I was going to go per foot. I do a hundred per foot. Okay. A hundred per foot. That could work, too. Okay. No, but I'm going to treat it like the dog.

It has to have ten toes. Yeah. Well, not really. Oh. It doesn't have to. I guess that would be the uniqueness. I'm hoping for 16. I think if we can get to 16, I think it'll be great.

Okay, so how are you judging it? Well, people say I shouldn't do the seating. TJ, your mic's on. I don't know who's going to do the seating then if I don't do the seats. I think Lucas is. Is he not running the operation? Yeah, but I don't know if he's qualified for the seating. But that's the beauty of Jerry After Dark.

Lucas isn't qualified for anything. That's true. Are you okay with what he wore to the Bulls game? No. What did he wear to the Bulls game? The Mavericks jersey. The Luca jersey. Real tight Luca jersey. Real tight shorts. Do we have a picture? Yeah. Did he tweet it?

He did tweet it. So you're judging? Are you going to touch the feet? No. No touching. You're going to kiss them? No. Nothing. But is it based on you get points for good nails, you get points for bone structure? Color, nail polish, wrinkles, tattoos are big on the feet. You like them?

Anklets are big. The biggest thing is toe ring. You like toe rings? Best. I'm going to send a couple. Wait, wait. Get it, get it. Toe ring is John Anthony. If you aren't Travis.

But the beauty of it is I'm not going to see them. You know? Wait, what? I'm not going to physically see the person. You're just going to go by vibe? Just the feet. Oh, they're behind a curtain. Yeah. Oh. That might hurt her, actually. She's decently attractive. Really?

Can chat see the person? The chat can see the person? No. I think the chat can see. Okay. Okay. But I can't. Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's pathetic. What is this, Jerry? Looks like he's at a day long. That's a reflection of you. I know. That's the sad part. He looks like guy number seven in a bunch of English dudes doing holiday in Ibiza. Yeah.

And he's taking way too much Molly. Yeah. Way too much. Guy number seven. He's definitely not guy number one through six. I don't even know who he went to the game with. The silent one who keeps licking his lips. Wait, was that his date?

Was he on a date in that picture? No, I think the last two dates went south quick. I don't know if he's had a third one. Man, this camera adds about 200 pounds. It's funny. Not Travis. Oh, trust me, I know. Not Travis.

What, does your sister even have feet? Funny story. Was she more interested or were you more interested in bringing her here? Listen, she may or may not have some history in this field. Not professionally. Okay. Some fucking underground shit. Oh.

You know what I'm saying? The underground shit. She likes to play like, oh, my God, I've never done this before. It's like, bitch, we know what's going on. Yeah. She's been around. I'm excited. Would that be, do you think there's a chance there's a feat that you see tonight that you've

already seen? No. No, I don't think I've seen anything. Because Lucas hasn't revealed any. No, I'm just saying, you'd be like, oh, I can spot that from my way. That's one of the ones I jerk off to every night. Yeah. Well, I don't jerk off to that.

I don't jerk off to that at all, ever. Ever? I've got jerk jerk off to that. I don't jerk off to that at all, ever. Ever? I've got jerked off with feet. I've never watched foot porn. I was like, let me jerk off to foot porn. Listen, this is like, people think this isn't a fetish. It's not a fetish. It's not a fetish.

You're holding a fucking contest. Are you trying to tell us that people have the wrong idea about your feet judging contest? I've said it for years. This is not a fetish. This is an appreciation. Passion. I've said it for years. So can we, TJ, can you pull up a picture of a good foot?

Yeah. Can you just give us a walkthrough? We got it all wrong. All right, I'll do game time while TJ finds a good foot. I don't know what a good foot looks like. I'll be honest. Anklet. Go back there and look with him.

And then you're talking to Chase, Mike. White nail polish? Come back, Brandon. Brandon, you come back. Perfect foot. All right, game time. You shouldn't have to worry when you're buying tickets to your next big event. Game time is the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports,

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tickets with game time download the game time app create an account use code yak for 20 off first purchase terms apply again create an account redeem code yak for 20 off download game time today last minute tickets lowest price guaranteed this is the young thug meme right now yep this show is just off the rails and I love it so much we got a fucking fake Travis Jerry's trying to tell people that his foot judging contest is not sexual

but 21 plus only please yeah but not sexual and also we're gonna recruit the contestants from strip clubs yeah and we also have and we also have a finder's fee now on on all women i am stay back there talking chase mike oh 5k is like no i'm surprised that there's not more more yeah really because i well i don't know what the recruiting pitch was i thought about it kate I thought about doubling it, and then I was like, I'm not even going to watch this.

Are you funding the 5K? No, I'm not. I say you double it. No, I can't. I have to have a limit. I'm not a foot guy. There's nothing I'm going to be in. Like, I don't want to watch it.

I can't double it. You want to watch? What? You're not going to watch? I don't think I'm going to watch. That was really sad. I'll retweet it, but I'm not going to watch. I'm not a foot guy, Jerry. Come on. Let's all watch. You want to watch? What? You're not going to watch? I don't think I'm going to watch. That was really sad. I'll retweet it, but I'm not going to watch. I'm not a foot guy, Jerry.

Come on. Let's all watch. You want to watch? We have to watch. What if I just put it on, but I don't? Obviously. Like, I'll put it on one of my screens at home. Are you afraid that you might?

Become a foot guy. Become a foot guy. I don't think so. I think you're born a foot guy. No. You became a foot guy, Jerry? I became it 16 years old. Do you remember the day?

Yeah, 16. What happened at 16? I went to the beach. Checks out. But Jerry, there's all kind of body parts at the beach. It was the feet that you were doing. Well, I was- I went to the beach.

It was like, you know, 16 years old, horny, and it's like, wow. There's tits at the beach. There's titties at the beach. That was like, you know, 16 years old, horny, and it's like, wow. There's tits at the beach. There's titties at the beach. That's irrelevant. But also. I went to the beach. Would you rather have your girl have no tits or no feet? No tits.

No. No, no, no. What the fuck? No. Do you want to see the perfect foot? Yeah. Yes, very much so. Those are brown. Those are brown. very much so. Those are brown.

Those are brown. That looks like it was taken. Those are brown. That's under hostage. That's a very suspect location. That's a Craigslist ad. That carpet is definitely kidnapped carpet. Jerry, how did you find the perfect foot?

That looks like 2007. I don't know what I searched. TJ has it. What did you search, TJ? Oh. All right, so what... White nails, okay. What are the...

Yeah, so these are good or bad? Well, that's... I mean, just look. I mean, zero callus. Like, the arch is, like, a perfect, like, half moon. You see that? And you see how, like, the toes are, like, uniform. Like, they go in, like, a really nice line. Yeah. Angled down. I see that. toes are uniform. They go in a really nice line.

Yeah. Angled down. I do see that. Those are long toes. So you're almost appreciating architecture. 100%. Yeah. Look at the ankle bone.

Yeah, those toes are too long, Jerry. Look at the ankle bone. Look at that ankle bone. You're no different than a podiatrist. Exactly. 100%. Listen, I feel like a lot of people who are going to watch tonight, because the first time I ever did this, people hated the idea. 100%. Listen, I feel like a lot of people who are going to watch tonight,

because the first time I ever did this, people hated the idea, and then I did it, and people were like, wow, that was actually pretty fun, pretty funny, pretty interesting. I feel like there's going to be a lot of people that watch this tonight that are going to turn into huge foot guys. Oh. I just hope the roster is good tonight. That's all I'm hoping for. Yeah.

Okay. Would you be mad if there was a guy behind one of the curtains and you really liked the foot? Or do feet have gender? Feet have gender. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they have gender. I think we have to figure out how to get one guy. I don't think we should.

I think we have to. Travis. Fake Travis, you've got to be happy. Those were brown feet. Those were brown feet. I said brown, brown, brown. I was snapping. I was pointing.

Well, you ain't got to holler at nobody. What color? Oh, you can't. We can't call you Travis. You got to go. I want to ask Travis some questions that you can't. The judges can't be. Okay, fair. Because if we reel too much, then he might have a bias. We want to keep it. Yeah, I know, but we

want to keep it. Fair and square. Yeah, this is a very important competition for Jay. What color? She's brown as well. No, no. Nail polish is a very important competition for Jay. What color? She's brown as well. No, no. Nail polish. I understand that she's brown.

Nail polish? John Anthony, sorry. You need to get white. She showed it yesterday during the fashion show. You need to go get white. Pink. She has pink. Accessory.

She's watching the hotel. Pink might be good. That could be, yeah. You don't want to pander too much. It's like the white version of red. How much of your car ride with her were you like, all right, like practicing telling us that you're not Travis? What do you mean?

Like were you telling her like, all right, when I get there, I'm going to have to find the time when I can tell them I'm not Travis? No, I figured it would come up organically. And also, I wasn't going to tell you guys at the show, but it was like you were just meeting. Chaotic, yeah. That's a nice dab. How do you feel the Travis community is going to react to this?

They, I think a lot of them know. Oh. They knew from the start? Not from the start, but I got added to some like stool-y group chat on Twitter. A Travis group chat? No, just like people like FSU Brando's and all those guys. So I think they were on to me. I have to bet. They could spell it on you? They pressed you in Travis group chat? No, just like people like FSU Brando and all those guys. So I think they were on to me. I have to imagine. They could spell it on you? They pressed you in the group chat.

They're humorless people. I have to imagine they don't see the humor in them. Yeah, they're upset. No, they liked it. Oh, Travis. Oh, Travis. Listen. Yeah. You know what? They're just jealous. You know what it is? Are you ready to say fuck all Travis's? Fuck all Travis's. And Tavis

Fuck Tavis Come on come on I want to get Tavis back on Have you emailed him TJ I sent him a link yeah Okay Tavis was third place Tavis rocked

Yeah I don't even know If we gave a third place There were no funny Tavis Yeah the rest of the field Yeah it was a competition That kind of

Didn't really work Not at all But it was a good idea by us I think third place Is the one that, diabetes. Oh, you were diabetes. Okay. You lied about it.

You said that. I know. I said a lot of things. You don't have diabetes. No. Not diagnosed, but probably. One of the doctors. It is perfect, though, that we couldn't even find a fight we had to find a fake travis yeah to win this award refresh our memories what what was your like backstory what was your bullet

points um i think the video i sent was just like clips of me just doing dumb shit from like the past i just had on my phone quickly i just put it together i can't remember i know it's funny yeah there was like me doing the elephant sound when I was on a cruise in a Hawaiian shirt. My tits were dangling a little bit. Somebody was skiing. Yeah, that guy rocked. Yeah, but rocking isn't funny. Right.

Rocking can be funny. Yeah, sure. Travis is our motocross guy. Yes. They're not funny guys. Chaudhanti, are you worried, though, because you're going to have to do the gauntlet? Not worried at all. Okay, great.

Then you already won the gauntlet. Come on. You got this? I got it for sure. Okay. These Cavs, dude, they've been lugging around three bills for many months. Now, let me ask you a question, John Anthony, and this is not something I'm ready to offer right now,

but if, let's just say, sometime in the future, you were offered a job at Barstool Sports, would you legally change your name? I would kill myself okay alright we could use that yeah that actually might be like a nice tax write off like we hire him and then he kills himself if they pay by pound

yeah like tuna and you brought you drove 13 where did you come from? Long Island Oh my god I don't know what the fuck

To believe in You drove 13 hours Jesus Because his sister Is competing in Jerry's Foot contest What a perfect Perfect situation

Sounds about right Yeah No yeah Beautiful Life finds a way Absolutely What do you What do you got in the

Women's bracket Who do you think Is going to take it all? Stanford, Louis, the Pac-12 championship. I was pissed off, but I think UConn's sneaky. Yeah? Yeah. Buechers looks good after her ACL. You think anybody can beat South Carolina, though?

They have a whole new team from last year. So South Carolina? All five starters are new, so I don't know. They're undefeated. They've been playing with fire, though, lately, Brandon. Yeah, for people who don't know, Travis is a diehard women's hoop. You must feel vindicated a little bit because women's hoops is the hottest thing. This is your time.

Yeah, and I have a take. I know you guys were talking about Kaylin Clark. They're obsessed with this chick, and I used to love her. I'm so happy to grow the sport, yada, yada, yada, but it's become too much. I think you're – what's her name? What's her name used to work here? Trista. You're going to say Travis.

Tweeted that she was like Wemby. Oh. Like, what are you even talking about? Well, she's a big star. Yeah, probably from like Impact, I don't know. I guess. She's the female Jimmer for debt, is Caitlin Clark. Oh, that's a take.

So she'll be playing in China soon? Yes, for sure. Damn. Okay. I think she'll probably be in the WNBA. She'll go one. My girl will go two. What?

Does China have women's basketball? No, Russia does. Oh, I don't know. Russia has a big league. I think a lot of WNBA players go overseas in the offseason. Yeah, that's right, to make more money. I don't think China has it. Isn't that how Brittany Griner got stuck in Russia?

Right, weed pen. Wait, so who's your girl? Cambrink. Cambrink, that's on your shirt, I assume? Yes. You just ride with her? Ride, die hard. What does she do?

It just stemmed from they won me a lot of money her freshman year. They were like huge underdogs, and they won the chip. So that's why I was like, okay, I got to ride. Cam Brink. Cam Brink. She was a young buck coming up. That's a great name. Her godbrother is Steph Curry.

Godbrother? No, that's only a godbrother. Her godmother is? That's a Frank Fleming thing. That's only. I used to go trick-or-treating with Cam and Brink. What? What?

At least two or three times I went trick-or-treating with Kim and Brink as a little kid. She's from Princeton. What? She's actually from Beaverton, Oregon, but she grew up there. It's fine. She was born in Princeton. Why did you say... I'm curious the specifics of...

You said trick-or-treating. That's the only... Was it school with her? No, she didn't go to school with her. So she just lived in your neighborhood? She was friends. Her parents was friends with the friends' parents that I went trick-or-treating with. So every year you'd be like, oh, hey, what's up, Cam?

We probably never talked at all. She was just there. What were her costumes? I don't know. Okay. Are you jealous of TJ right now? A little bit. Did he go trick-or-treating with someone he never introduced himself to?

Is that hoodie custom-made, or was that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. A little t-shirt shop nearby. Oh, yeah. I'm nervous about these shoes for the gauntlet. These are my play shoes.

They look. Dumb. One nothing. Where are his play shoes? John Anthony. Idiot. What a ridiculous. They look a little slick.

That's all I'm saying. I'm just. No, they're good. They're good. I think you're going to kick one off when you try to score a goal. No. Okay. My feet are so tight in here.

If you kick one off, you can't put it back on. That's fair. I was debating going barefoot, honestly. You can. But my socks are slippery. Oh, yeah. Then don't. No, these are good.

But thank you. Oh, man. This has been very funny. You're welcome. My whole world is rocked. But it's not at the same time because remember the entire genesis of the competition. It's vindicating. Now we know.

But we were right. I'm ashamed for believing that he was a Travis. Yeah. We shouldn't have. Yeah. That was naive. It's on us. We're bad judges.

But what if we screw the Travis's in favor of an Andre? But there aren't any funny ones. There's none. Again, we had a John Anthony and a Tavis. One and two. That's so funny. Literally, we had a John Anthony and a Tavis. That's so funny. Literally, we got tricked into proving our original point. Yeah.

That Travis's cannot be funny. There's also no guarantee that three, four, or five were named Travis either. That's a good point. True. I just remember we did eliminate that one kid who was Travis,

confirmed, but he was from Canada and we're like, doesn't count. It was funny, it's Travis USA. Yeah. He was third. That hurt him're like, doesn't count. It was funny. It's Travis USA. He was third. That hurt him, yeah. That did happen. Someone do the High Noon ad read?

I will. Thank you, Nick. Yeah. Today's episode brought to you by High Noon. The High Noon El Prez Pack is here featuring the top four High Noon vodka seltzer flavors as ranked by El Prez himself. These include Passion Fruit, Pineapple Pear, and the all-new flavor Tangerine, all made with real vodka and real juice. This 12-pack is only here for a limited time, so get it while you can.

Just look at the pack with Dave's face on it. You can even scan the QR code on the pack and have El Prez virtually join your party. Visit highnoonspirits.com to find the El Pres Pack nearest you. John Anthony. Yes. What do you do for a living? I'm a social worker. Oh, nice.

Yeah. That's cool. That's commutable work. Yeah. Thanks for us pre-recording this on a weekend for me to make it today. Yeah, no problem, dude. Yeah, I got you.

You motherfucker. I mean, John Anthony's definitely just throwing L's In the chat every day Really? I don't believe that It's cause I have it on the big screen You can't be trusted That's racist and fair

And I do have a knife I'm just kidding You do Yeah You drove here for a reason Keep that thing on I'm just kidding. You do. Yeah. Yeah. Just shook his head yes. Yeah, you drove here for a reason. Keep that thing on.

Yeah. Exactly. Oh, man. You obviously know how the gauntlet works. Yeah, for sure. Are you nervous? I'm nervous with, did you see this guy yesterday? Obviously. Oh, Mike, he was on some shit yesterday.

He rarely has two good days in a row. All right, so good. So I'm nervous about that and the wiffle ball. Sometimes just, you know, everything else I think I'll be okay. We should move. For the people tweeting me, yes, I dressed accidentally exactly like Ham from the Sandlot. Oh yeah, you are.

Wait, what? Oh, fuck you. Oh my god, to a T. Do the jeans. Yeah. Holy shit. You're a ham. Alright, I get it. You can save your time.. Do the jeans. Yeah. Holy shit. You're a man. All right, I get it. You could save your time.

I saw the tweets. Oh, my God. That was on purpose. No. Come on. I wasn't. Everybody accidentally hams every once in a while. What's up, Malasek?

What's up, man? You're looking good today, bro. Oh, nice. John Anthony trying to butter him up. A little butter up. Just get him a little buttered up. Brandon. Oh, shit, Brandon.

He's going to be hurt for that. What is he doing? He texted me the other day to ask what that was called. Like deadlift? That night. I don't know. I said, is it a hex bar maybe? I don't know what it is.

Oh, that. Oh, he hurt himself. I heard that. Did you hear that? It didn't sound good. Uh-oh. That was a decent amount of weight. Oh, people hurt himself. I heard that. Did you hear that? It didn't sound good. Uh-oh. That was a decent amount of weight. Oh, people are agreeing with me.

What? Sidney Sweeney's breasts aren't technically big. I didn't know this was an argument. What are we doing? They're pert. Mook. Some slate did an article saying that compared to the national average or the worldwide average, they're not big.

She sucks. Who sucks? Sydney Sweeney. I'm not going to stand for that. Yeah, we already did the science on the show. Yeah, you're right. Based on your hypothesis, Kyle. Right?

So there's the average breasts are bigger than Sydney Sweeney's Because I feel like I feel like US we gotta lead the league In breasts right Day to day I don't notice It's very rare that I'm like that's a paranoia I feel like we have to lead We got big old fucking

We have the fattest titties for sure Easy but that's South America We dominate Latin America Europe I'd imagine. Yes. Africa. It might be Sweden. Asia.

Oh, yeah, we do. Sweden might be a... Now they're too skinny. I've never even looked at her tits before. I think she's just funny, man. Yeah, me too. Can you Google who's got the biggest tits? I only know who second place would be.

Sweden? No, they're so skinny. They're too tall and skinny. It's a weight. A weight plays a big part. Maybe UK. I see those. Oh, see, I told you.

Fucking Scandinavia. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. We lost to Norway? Viking titties. Fuck. I got to see those titties. We got to run a competition.

Cherry after dark next week. Baddest titties. We got to run a competition. Here we have to start next week. Baddest titties in the world. Funniest titties. USA. I'm not buying that. The titty combine. Damn, Norway's got to speed? That's bullshit.

That is bullshit. That kind of brought, that hurts me a little bit. Luxembourg and Iceland? No. Is that why the... Oh, I love how BMI is... Wait, BMI. That's not necessary.

That's fucked. Yo. Did you know we don't have the biggest titties in the world? No, I figured we didn't. Why? Why? Why? Sweden, right?

No, Norway. I knew it was over there somewhere. Norway? Who said right? No, Norway. I knew it was over there somewhere. Norway. Who said that? Oh, yes. And then the Instagram. Yes, they are. But what?

TJ, how is that link not purple? That rocks. I am not a pervert. Have you guys seen the kid that Dave had on today? I love him. Is he a kid i i guess he could be anywhere any age choose rich nick choose rich but you're familiar with him mook yeah i mean he's been going viral for like a week now okay he just keeps posting and then he gets community noted

instantly that he's not actually rich and he has the biggest nose and it's awesome yeah yeah like he was on a boat with his buddies and someone did it. It was like, you could see in the corner on the table, the boat, it was like where they had to sign the liabilities for like the one hour rental they got. It's just like the background.

Yeah. You can pull it up, pull them up. Is it the turtle guy that everyone says looks like a turtle? Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good morning to the haters for my private movie theater.

And then it's just community notes. It is visible in the camera lens. The private movie theater is, in fact, not much. In fact, is nor much private. He must have pissed someone off at Twitter, dude. Yeah. He had another one. He had the champagne.

He was like, I'm drinking this $5,000 bottle of champagne. They're like, yeah, it was like $100. But he keeps getting community noted, and he keeps going even harder. Yeah. I like him. He doubles down. He was rich. Can you play one of his videos?

Play the boat one. Yeah. Huge douchebag. Yeah. But I like him. He was on Davey's stock thing. He's a Bitcoin guy? I think so.

I think he's an everything guy. NFTs. Yeah, NFTs was what they were talking about this morning. Yeah. Yeah, so see the liability? That right there. And then people are like, look, they're wearing T-shirts. Oh, he does look like Fozzie Bear.

Yeah, right there. Yeah. Really weird behavior to pretend like you bought something you could only rent it for a few hours you're gonna sell your lie you need to do better than not having a liability waiver in the shot he's doing this on purpose yeah I think he's doing it on purpose but it's working it's very funny it just makes people

so mad like today he even posted he's like I'm from like taking this video from my helipad and he was standing on the outside of the gate yeah look at this he's standing outside the outside of the gate yeah yeah look at this hop on my helicopter next thing y'all gonna tell me is i don't own my helicopter and that the pilot ain't my full-time employee yeah this is fake yeah clearly he's trolling but he's getting everyone upset yeah

and it rules how old is he i don't know He could be 20 or 58 Yeah I'd say 40 His nose is something It's a schnoz No offense But it is Travis do you want to

I think it's called Travis Yes Fuck I've learned to like Look when people say it He needs to answer to Travis Have you Have there been people in your life

Who have changed it to Travis? Jokingly, mockingly to belittle me Hey Big Trav I don't think that's belittling I mean that's an accomplishment You became the world's funniest Travis Despite not being born one When they call you Big Trav, what cuts more?

Big or Trav? Trav That's what you're known for I am big, I'm not Trav, what cuts more, big or Trav? Trav. Yeah. That's what you're known for. I am big. I'm not Trav. So it's like a real like. Yeah. So what do you actually go by?

John Anthony. Some people call me Antoine. Some people call me John. Some people. Antoine. When I'm in trouble, my parents call me yellow Anthony. Okay. But yeah, it depends.

Usually John Anthony. When you introduce yourself to somebody. John Anthony. Okay. Wait, when you get in trouble, your parents yell what? Anthony. Which one? My dad will go, Anthony!

But which one did he want you to be named? I forget which. I think he wanted Anthony. Okay, so did your mom yell John or no? No. I like Big Twan. I like Big Twan, too. That's a good one.

My uncles call me that. You probably would not finish that high in a Big Twan competition. No, Big Twan would be funny Big Twan There's a lot of funny And they're all there And they're hilarious That's a funny name Antoine Antoine and a Big Twan

That's a funny fucking dude Depends what the contest is Funniest Antoine You'd have no chance Dude. Depends what the contest is. The funniest swan. Funniest swan. Oh. You'd have no chance. Sorry. You all right? Trying to help him?

I bring like a sweat rag and like slap my leg a bunch just to kind of compete with him. Yeah. There you go, Moog. Big swan. Big swan. Funniest big swan. Okay. Are you ready to do this?

Yes. So, we're sponsored by Long John Silver's. Finally. It's fried fish season. Enjoy wild caught. Get the fuck out. He starstruck. I love Long John Silver's. Oh, let's go.

Are you kidding? They got rid of the one near me. They turned into a Starbucks. Give him a hat, Nick. To your left. It's fried fish season. Enjoy wildcat, Alaska pollock,

hand-battered, and fried to perfection at Long John Silver's. We have more than fish. This February 14th to March 31st, indulge in our $10 shrimp sea shares.

Perfect for sharing with loved ones or savor our $6 shrimp baskets. Popcorn shrimp, grilled shrimp, or battered dip shrimp. Craving even more shrimp? Upgrade to jumbo shrimp

for a limited time order ahead and skip the wait by ordering online at ljsilvers.com and pick up in a restaurant get extra perks and discounts when you sign up at ljsilvers.com offer valid participating restaurants and discounts not valid for delivery orders ljsilvers.com we'll have someone tj we'll have someone else do it too we'll do two we'll do two of them today okay there's pirate hats and then there's also uh eye patches to your left on the floor big cat he's you have to wear an eye patch yes well you know what let's let him let's let him just go with the hat and then we'll do the eye patch because it's his first time so that's not the hat we'll we'll have someone go eye patch we're running into is the hat's not big enough okay so you know what travis you just run

the gauntlet we will do a long john silvers gauntlet simple as that brandon brandon will wear the hat brandon put on the eye patch as well that's perfect wrong that's okay eye patches are next to you. On the floor. On top of the mousepad. Here you go, Brandon. Eyepatch. Brandon, your hat's on vertically. Yeah.

You wear it like this? Yes. Yeah. But it won't go on like that. What a twist. Yeah, I cannot believe that. He was firmly a Travis in my mind. I never would have... He has completely fooled.

I'm hearing he may have gone on the Barstool Breakdown podcast and revealed this. Oh, fuck. Word is out. I like those guys. Oh, they're great. Yeah. Big Twan seems like the type of guy

that would have been in the Little League World Series and become like a viral. Yeah, no, he's our Daniel Monte. We have a huge red asterisk next to the entire Funniest Travis competition. All right, so he's going to go without the eyepatch, Nick, and then we're going to have someone else go with the eyepatch and hat. Yeah. Because this is his first time and the hat didn't fit.

What are we thinking? I don't know. Kate, we'll start with you. Better than I would do, I'm sure. I would say still better than Jeff D'Lo. Still better than Jeff. Still better than Jeff D'Lo. I don't have a doubt in my mind.

I'm going to say he's going to be in the fives. Okay. He'll be quick at Sporkle. I'm going to say sneaky fast. Okay. I feel like he can move. Anything under three would be sneaky.

It depends. Is Malasek going to be on one again as he was yesterday? What's his vibe? Soccer's the one that worries me the most. It's always basketball for me. Baseball might be tough.

Are we ready tj yeah all right here we go travis here he goes i'm gonna still call him travis all right you gotta three two one go all right multiple bags funniest track oh shit oh almost in there's a bag dangling. There it goes. There it is. Super speed. He's taking his time. A nice glide across the gym.

Oh, no. He kicked it to the ceiling. This is where the play shoes might hurt. Oh, yeah. Another kick. Strong kicks, though. They're going up into the windows. Well beyond Mouse X Head.

Header. Header. Header. Oh, no. Malasek down on the ground. No, no. He's impartial. What if he crushes Malasek? Oh.

A backwards kick. Malasek was ready for it. Go left. Go left. You want to drive? Go left. What is he doing? He's talking right up to the goal

This is not going well Trying to do like trick shots He's trying to outsmart Malasek Up over his head Little pop shot there Still stopped by Malasek He's just fucking pass balls too Kick it Oh Still stopped by now. He just fucking passed balls, too.

Kick it. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. He's on to the tee ball. Somehow still only a minute 15. This is where he said he's going to have a problem. Let's see right off the bat. Okay.

That's not bad. That's not bad. Sorry. Get that up a little. Okay. Oh, close. What was that? What was that?

That was the block from Super Mario. That's right. If you landed on Jake, that was the noise. Play that again. You had that queued up if you landed on Jake? Come on, T. All right, let's go, Travis. Come on.

Oh. He's still doing good. I did think he was going to flat Stanley Jake for a second. You're under two minutes still. There it is. What a hit. Wow. All right.

All right, this has got to be – he's got to get this fast. Oh, that was close. All right. The ball came right back to him, though. That's good. A gentler throw. Yep. Counting it.

He's on to the basketball. Got this. You're under 230. You're doing great. Kate. It was 220. This first shot tells you everything. Oh.

That was a pretty good shot. Off the backboard. Close. A little to the left, but still doing good. His third shot here. Also to the left. All right. Come on.

Come on, Trav. Oh, super close. Come on, Trav. Oh, super close. Come on, Trav. That was beautiful. There we go, Trav. There we go, Trav. Beautiful shot. He's got some urgency now.

I think he's going to get under five. Under five is all he's got to get. Okay. A beautiful arc, but a little short. What else you got on there, TJ? Oh! Here he comes. You're doing record time. Right here.

And now it's just Sporkle. You got it, Trav. No, you're not going to die. You're not going to die. Nine NFL players throw over 250 interceptions. Brett Favre. Nice. Tell me more.

Seven Bond movies starring Roger Moore. Derek Rose. Carlos Boozer. LeBron James. Chris Bosh. Dwyane Wade. Wheat. Vegetables.

Bread. Pesos. Yen. Nice. You're all over the place. One more. Polygon. One more all over the place. Polygon. Hexagon.

What's our first one, Seth? One first name of original host of Blues Clues. Steve. There you go. Members of D12. Oh, four instruments available in the original rock band. Drums, guitar. There we go.

Nice. I want to thank everyone who believed in me. I want to thank Long John Silvers. I appreciate you. Thank you. Let's see who we beat. That's a good ass time. Yeah, let's see who we beat.

Imagine if I wasn't so fucking obese. Christ. He still did better than almost everyone. I'm happy. I'm happy with that. I sit under five. I sit under five. I believed in you.

All right. Will Compton. There you beat Chicken Fry, Ben Mintz, Palmer, Cam Newton. Yeah. Beautiful. That doesn't bode well for Mr. Newton. Put a lot of asterisks and then put John Anthony at the bottom just so we're clear. Oh, yeah.

By the way, we have new mugs. Stowe Blue Coffee. Look at these. Here we go. Good call, Steven. New mugs. We got the bracket busted mug. Is that with Max with big pants?

Yeah. We got the just cover mug. Is that with Max with big pants? Yeah, we got the just cover mug. Hell yeah. Make your free throws. This is the mug. Make your free throws. Make your free throws. Yeah, we're allowed to rip on kids for missing free throws now. Yeah, I watched, I don't know if you saw last night, Towson.

They were down two with 15 seconds left, and a guy went up for one and one, and he airballed it. About as bad as it gets. That's tough. Yeah, so please go to StellaBlueCoffee.com right now. You can get mugs. You can get coffee. Appreciate everyone's support.

These are awesome mugs. We also have the Just Cover. So, yeah. And then I think there's one that's Dunk Your Morning, which that one plays all the time. What were you going to say? I saw the uh nate marshall shot on the basketball court oh yeah we can't talk about i want to burn what he's doing

has shane already released it it was on his instagram story oh he did yeah oh then we can play it okay so this is what i was alluding to yesterday shane uh gillis came in shane put on his instagram story uh nated oh let's wait let Let's wait. They're going to do it on Matt and Shane's secret podcast. Gotcha. Yeah, Trav. Who believed in me? I did. I did.

I did not at all. You can't be trusted. Yeah. I believed in you. I said you struggled with the soccer and it went about as. I knew it. You got here through lies and deception. I said under five.

I respect it. I got to like body him, block out. I got to do something. Okay. Appreciate it. I believe under five. I respect it. I gotta like body him, block out. Gotta do something. Okay. Appreciate it. I believed. Hell yeah. Deep down.

Yeah, I thought you did a great job. Thank you, man. Funniest track. I love your outfit, Nick. Have we heard anything from Tavis or no? No. Damn it. I'm lusting for Tavis

and his little Toyota Polo. What if his life... Oh, yeah. What if he killed himself? What if he took a turn for the worst when he lost to a fake Travis? Blood on your hands, brother. That's fine. It wouldn't be the first time. Alright, TJ, do you want to spin the wheel and we'll have someone else go in the

eye patch? This should be good. Yeah, you want to have people here? Yeah, we'll do people here. Is there anybody in the building that hasn't done it? Has Nicky Smokes ever people here? Yeah, we'll do people here. Okay. Is there anybody in the building that hasn't done it? Like, has Nicky Smokes ever done it? Nicky Smokes has done it.

I don't want to make someone do it for the first time with the eyepatch. Why not? I think it's a little harder with an eyepatch, no? Definitely is, yeah. Yeah, spin the wheel for us. We're going to do one day. We'll do one day in the next few weeks where we just get everyone. What's your Twitter handle again for anybody?

Antoine9000. What? Antoine9000. No, my name is Big Trap with the handle. Oh. At. At. Ham Porter.

Ham Porter. Ham Porter's going up. Great Ham. Give it up for Ham Porter. You better not screw up the baseball. Come on. Is that your sister? Better not screw up the baseball. Is that your sister? Better not screw up the baseball. Oh, yeah.

Are you going to be able to wear it with glasses? For Long John Silver, let's call him Shrimp Porter today. Ooh, yeah. Thank you to Long John Silver. $6 shrimp basket. It's available now. His glasses are going to fall off. Put the hat on.

I love any new sponsors. Oh, you got to put the hat on. It's in between your chairs. In between your chairs. On the floor in between your chairs. I got it. Any new sponsors. Oh, you got to put the hat on. It's in between your chairs. In between your chairs. On the floor in between your chairs. I got it. Sorry. There he goes.

What do we think is going to hold him up? I feel like Malicex has been on a show. You look great. Nick, turn around for the camera. Look at that. Not bad. He's the best pirate we have. Yeah, by far. He's the most pirate Not bad He's the best pirate we have Yeah by far

He's the most piratey He's got the most piratey cast The tattoos Everything Yeah Thank you to Long John Silver Rickets was a common thing on boats right? Yeah

Alright You ready Nick? Yeah Here we go Three Two One Go Oh no Here we go. Three, two, one, go. Uh-oh.

Oh, no. He said something about his depth perception. Oh, no, Nick. You're screwed. Uh-oh. You're fucked. It's over. Oh, no.

He's never going to get this. Might be all the bags. Have you caught your breath, Travis? Yeah. Okay, good. You're a beast. Thank you. Oh, I like this music.

Oh, no. Nick. Nicky. That sound effect is so awesome. Oh, Nick. What is this, Nick? The patch? What is this?

Oh, the last bag went in. Right in the hole. Oh, are you kidding me? Let's go. Well, you didn't shoot it on goal. Malasek in one shot. You missed the goal every time. Oh, and Porter. Oh, shit. Oh.

He's trying to hurt us. Thank you for stopping us. If I played baseball one one-eye would be tough. Yes! Wow. Staying corrected. Nail this, Nick. Oh.

It's close. I love that. The sound effect is so fucking awesome. Another throw of the football. Missed. This is where the quit comes in. An air ball. Struggling to hold the hat on his head.

There we go. There we go. Send him. Whoa. There we go. There we go. Send them. Shit. Whoa. Too much arc on that ball. Oh, Kate. Nah.

Nah. Nah. Okay. No. Oh, come on, Nick. That shot looked cool. Didn't go in. Oh, yes.

You got it. You got it. You got it and didn't even realize. Yas. Yas. Yas. Oh, Nick, this is a great time. This is a great time This is a great time

I can't see what my 8 NBA players scored over 3000 Defense rebounds in Laker uniform 4 AFC West teams Chargers Chiefs Raiders Who's the fucking

Who am I forgetting Okay Ground Rock Emily Blunt Blunt Blake Lively Lively Kunis

Nice Mendes Whoa Michelle Geller. Michelle Geller. Sorry, Michelle Geller. Priyanka Chopra. Dinga dinga. Hey, 311.

Pretty good. Great job, buddy. Damn. Good job, Nick. Really, really hard. Thank you to Long John Silvers. That was good, Nick. Really, really hard. Thank you to Long John Silvers. That was good, Nick. Thank you.

For having one eye. Harder than I thought. Damn. Did your depth perception, was it fucked up? It was blurry. Yeah. Okay. Good job, Nick. Yeah. 3-11, one day after 3-11 day. okay good job Nick

yeah 311 one day after 311 day what does it mean they did Tiny Desk concert that rocks I love Tiny Desk do you yeah I think yeah I pretend to

I think that was amazing I pretend to. That was amazing. I never really fully watched one. Yeah, I guess you're right. I've seen a song I like being played at Tiny Desk. I'm like, that's awesome. I like that song. But yeah, I've never watched. I've never liked it.

That's the only music I used to listen to. Tiny Desk? Yeah. Why? I would just run the playlist up and down. That's like a, I'm trying to get girls. That's a get girls kind of thing. No.

That's like reading under a tree. Yeah, you're trying to see a guy reading a book under a tree. Somebody help me out with Tiny Desk. It's NPR. They have bands come in and they perform songs. It's like a QC acoustic performance. Show Brandon a picture. T-Pain, Tiny Desk? Come on come on now yeah you were trying to get girls yep you're trying to better yourself god forbid don't do that no one should do that travis do you fly the puerto rican flag

no god no why i hate when we do that like stop when we do that i love it you do no you did like it comically no there's one what like there's one like you don't have to i hate when people do that okay really that's not where's connor griffin i'd like to ask his favorite puerto rican musical act yes oh connor what does he have a few he's just got one yeah is he doing is his fit for saquon right now? Yes. Come here real quick. Is the mic behind Travis? Mic behind you, Brandon.

What's your favorite Puerto Rican musical act? Bad Bunny? You can't allow that. What was that? Bad Bunny. No, no, no. That's cultural appropriation. Say it again. I apologize. No, say it again. That's cultural appropriation. Say it again. Yes? I apologize.

No, I'm not going to say it. No, say it again. Say it. Say it to his face. Look at him and say it. Bad Bonnie? He's, listen. He's so red. He's so red. He's so red. It's unbelievable. We got a lot of them. Give him an inch. Give him an inch. I can't believe he's Saquon'd up right now.

Yeah. Stole my running back, too. If you want to win a Super Bowl, you've got to pay a running back a lot. He's Saquon'd up. I learn a lot of news around this company based on what people are wearing. Especially him. Yeah, especially Connor. Every outfit he has is for some reason. He's a big theme guy.

Yeah, and you walk in, you see him, you're like, all right, well, something. I mean, I obviously knew about Saquon Barth. If I didn't, you see him, you're like, alright, well something... I mean, I obviously knew about Saquon Barth. If I didn't, I'd be like, alright, well obviously something happened with the Eagles in Penn State. Shopping with him in Oregon was such a treat because he wanted to get a white pair of Nikes with a purple check, and he was like,

these are way too much. These are too flashy. So he went white with white check. Thank God. Speaking of which, we have... I was talking to Adam Willis, Roofball. So we're going to have our regional sometime in June or July. So should our regional just be our office? So he said that he had a couple people if we would be willing to have them join. Oh, boy.

I said yes, but we have to have it be that the best barstool person advances. We got to win, yeah. But yeah, we should definitely open up the field to our office and have it just be roof ball day. It should be great. And then winner gets to take a 24-hour trip to Oregon. Yeah. That was a fantastic day. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

What are you pointing at me for? I just noticed you were silent during the root ball talk. He is a chat guy. You're a chat guy. I'm not. I swear on my life. You were during that whole thing. They were talking about root ball.

You were pointing at me and laughing. You were giggling. What does that mean? 70-inch TV, not from. No, no, just now. You went. Nick, back me up. He went like that.

Travis, I didn't know what tickled his fans. How many Reddit threads have you started about? Yeah. Yeah. How many times have you typed mook sucks on Reddit? I swear I'm not a chat guy because I honestly, legitimate, all jokes aside, I like think everyone here is awesome. I love that.

People talk shit and it's so lame. Yeah. They're just haters and are jealous. I believe you. Never a chat guy like that, honestly. I believe him on that. But I just thought it was... You can bust balls. Yeah.

I just thought it was funny. He was a little quiet. He won't be there. It's interesting. You get why we're skeptical. I could be at this one. John Anthony. No, I think it's whoever was at the first one.

Oh, I'm just banned forever from Ruth Bowne? Okay. No, you'll be there. It's in the bylaws. These championships are not legitimate until I can compete. Well, these championships weren't legitimate anyway because- Y'all had Chase. I think he won.

Yeah, and they also created a tournament just for us, and we're all terrible. That house last time, remember they had all those great cheese and meat boards they brought out? And like, whoever's house we pick better know. He was at the Dozen in Vegas. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

I got on my knees for him. That was who he was talking to. Oh, you did. You got on your knees for a lot of guys. Yeahzen in Vegas. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I got on my knees for him. That was who he was talking to. Oh, you did. You got on your knees for a lot of guys. Yeah, you did. Yeah, parterre position, referee's position. Wait, what was the first word? Parterre?

I don't even know, I think, yeah. Is that French? Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel about Puerto Rico having their own Olympic team? I never really thought about that much yeah good answer I like it same honestly I like it because I didn't know until

right now we're different enough you know what I mean yeah but just a minute ago you didn't want to wave the flag no because I think it's tacky and corny like dice in the mirror like you don't need a Puerto Rican flag. You know what I mean? Yeah, that cab is rare.

Yeah, talking to the roofball guy. I'm there somewhere. All the comments on this are like, classic wrestler position from KB. The wrestlers know about this pose. A lot of wrestlers. You said that? Only wrestlers suck dick.

We're going for it. Oh, man. Did you have fun at the Vegas show? Yeah, it was awesome. Are you going to come to the Chicago one? Probably not. This drive was... A lot.

A lot. Pennsylvania sucked, huh? Did you think about a flight? Yeah, so long. Thought about a flight. They were just wildly expensive. Oh. But yeah, I thought about a flight.

Okay. Do you have family out here? No. No. No. He's just here to win a feet competition. That's it. I'm saying-

It's all business on this trip. It's straight business. Okay. What is it? You need to win. You need to win. Yeah. Can you afford-

Gas? Gas? Oh, yeah. I heard your comment about $750,000 or $750,000. I know it was disrespectful. I apologize. No, yeah, you're right. It's under. But just barely.

Whoa. Just barely. Whoa. He's a hustler, dude. You can tell. What is just barely? Just barely. Okay.

Not far away. Not very close, but just barely. I like that. There we go. Does social work have pensions? No. No. They're not government employees.

No. No. No. Got a nice little bonus for working through the pandemic, though. Oh. Yeah. Hell yeah. A couple of them.

All right. Are you fixing people's problems? Kind of, but I have my own problems. You know what I mean? Yeah. But yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Honestly, sometimes it feels like adult babysitting uh which is tough yeah yeah you didn't go to your

appointment you didn't redo your benefits oh you didn't remind me you're an adult did you say that yeah yeah that was good thank you yeah you are an adult. So a lot of you are just saying you're an adult. Yeah, pretty much. Do you want to watch some hoops today? You can watch some hoops today. Yeah, I would love to. Yeah. You're more than welcome to hang out.

Do we gamble? That's a dumb question. We can gamble here, right? Yeah. I went to Vegas. You can't even. I didn't realize that that was a rule. Yeah, no, they don't do the apps in Vegas.

Yeah, it's crazy. I guess so. It makes sense. Pump traffic, yeah. Yeah. But that was terrible. Yeah don't they don't do the uh apps yeah it's crazy i guess it makes sense pump traffic yeah yeah but that was terrible yeah all right what else we got kb what wwe oh yeah you want to do the ad read me wwe no uh brandon this is gonna be big on friday so we can we show it can we show them yeah so today what we have to do after Brandon does the ad read is we're going to introduce the match types. Basically the eight of you guys are going to be playing in a bracket to see who

gets the belt. Brandon, show the belt. Each part of the bracket is a different match type. I can show you the match types. There's an ambulance match, there's a casket match, there's a gauntlet match, and there's a special guest referee match. What's an ambulance match, there's a casket match, there's a gauntlet match, and there's a special guest referee match. What's an ambulance match? I can show you. So we're going to wheel for the matchups

and then today we can also wheel one person is not going to play as their own character. They're going to play as Mincy. We have a Mincy character. Oh, shit. WWE 2K24 is out this week. WWE 2K24 Finish Your Story.

New match types from guest referee to casket, gauntlet, and ambulance matches. There are a bevy of new match types to experience in WWE 2K24, including support for multiple superstars and backstage brawl. WWE 2K24 Show showcase mode features 40 years of WrestleMania history. WrestleMania is the biggest event in sports entertainment where superstars become WWE legends.

Experience a gripping retelling of WrestleMania's greatest moments in a 2K showcase of the immortals where you can relive a collection of some of the most unforgettable career-defining matches. Is that Mook? That's Kyle. Pick up or download wwe 2k24 today finish your story oh wow oh inches away what oh that is says bottom left

hell yeah oh hell yeah. No way. Awesome. All right, so what are we spinning for? Wait, can you show what we have, where we're going to be doing it, TJ? Yeah. They're building it right now, but they are building a race in one of the studios. No way. And not only that, but in the ambulance match, we have an ambulance.

What? We have an ambulance here? And there's also a casket match. No. And we have a casket. Oh. No. Let's go.

This is going to be- Wow. There'll be additional punishments and stuff similar to what we did last year, but yeah. No, man. Fuck yeah. This is going to come Friday. We're going to tape it tomorrow afternoon. It's coming Friday.

Holy shit, that's going to be... I think I'll freak out in the casket. Yeah? Yeah, I think that's Baz. I don't think so. It'll be comfortable. It'll be a nice little nap. Yeah.

It's probably pretty comfortable. Why do they make caskets comfortable? Rest in peace. You're resting eternally. But what does it matter? I don't know. I'm going to say right now, you guys don't have to spend a lot of money on my casket.

Thanks, big cat. A wooden box. A wooden box. No problem. Actually, I think I want to be cremated. I think, yeah. And I want to sell it. In a coin.

In a coin. Cremation coin. And if you have it for any of these guys, you get to fuck them. There's too many coins in Chicago It's a good deal Are there? Yeah A lot

I tried to buy a coin But I couldn't It was sold out already The last time Never gonna get those kisses Never Never man Here's a Mincy character

Oh my god Got Eugene's moveset Jesus Shit I'm at the wrong ring alright so what are we doing TJ we're figuring out the matchups who's Eugene look it up later google that on your own

we gotta make the bracket so each one of these corners we'll have we'll spin for match types and then a bracket, and then we'll know who's going to face off with who. Hell yeah. I'm excited. Very excited. Do we have anybody coming in, TJ?

You'll find out. Oh, shit. I like that, TJ. Tavis. Oh, my God, it's Tavis I'll fight him Holy shit Alright so this is the first matchup

I want to talk to Tavis so bad He was an ROA I'm not on the wheel? Oh shit Oh this is for the WWE thing You'll be on the regular wheel So KB's going up against... Last year's champion.

Yeah, that's right. Easy money. Honestly, yeah. Have you been playing this game, Brandon? I downloaded it last night. I'm going to start playing it soon. It takes a while to download stuff. You got to do it now.

You got to get ready now. I'll be practiced. Don't worry about that. I am a real shame if you ended up in a casket. There's an angle to cheat I will find. That's not cheating. That's practicing. Practicing, yeah.

I could definitely chill in a casket for sure. Yeah, I don't think a casket. I would be scared. You would. I'd look great. Yeah. That casket looked very plush. It's like living in my apartment.

It's the same shit. Jay. You improve your square footage by dying. Yes. Oh, that would have been great. J versus Nick. All right. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The bracket. Pop them in. Oh, I like my draw. I like this reveal. I like my draw. Yeah, but this could be an explosion of the goalball team.

Why are you guys thinking he's going to get past me? I said could be. I said could. I'm not a good gamer. Yeah. It's weird. Titus loses to Tennessee every day. Here we go.

Because he's got a point. Titus loses to Tennessee every day. Here we go. Because he's got a point. Arguments are unlosable. Nope, I don't. All right, who have I got? I'm going to bury you. I'm going up against you. I'm going to bury you.

That's the worst draw you could have got. I've been gaming. Oh, because you're a gamer guy. That's right. Playing Warzone every day. That's tough. That's a worst draw you could have got. I've been gaming. Oh, because you're a gamer guy. That's right. Playing Warzone every day. It's tough. It's a completely different game. Yeah, nothing relates to that. There's one goal, kill.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right, so we're set. So tomorrow we'll tape it. Do we need to do match types? Is that how we're doing this? Okay. We're doing match types.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Match types do match types? Is that how we're doing this? Okay. We're doing match types. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Match types, match types. I want the ambulance. I think you need it. I just want to be placed in the back. It had nothing to do with the WB. That was just a random blurt. I just want one.

What are the match types again, TJ? Ambulance match. Casket match. Backstage brawl. I quit. Backstage brawl. Backstage brawl. Special ref?

Yeah. Special guest referee. Would that be one of us too? TBD, brother. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. TBD, brother.

Special rep. Brandon, who was the first celebrity you have ever met? Shaquille O'Neal. Wow, great one. 1991. That's a huge one. Yeah. Literally.

Yeah. He wasn't quite famous yet. He was at LSU. He was a star player at LSU. When's Danny Glover? Really? When did you meet him? Elevator, New York City.

When? 2004, 2003. I don't know who my father was. Didn't know who he was. My dad was on the elevator with my dad. This will be for KB and KB. Might have had Jerry Rice before Shaquille O'Neal.

Jesus. Well, it's just athletes that come through Mississippi State. Special ref, ambulance, casket, or backstage brawl? KB, where would you like to get your ass beat? Backstage brawl.

Oh, that's the worst one for you, Kate. I want the casket.ket okay it's all right take a nap in the casket this is kind of what the backstage brawl has the potential oh i love having knickknacks really fast nick braxton the guy that made the characters reached out he said that that's what you wore last year during the recording you wore a singlet over your clothes oh I did do that

oh yeah okay this will be for Mark versus Nick no casket casket I think I fucked myself by saying this casket

casket are you claustrophobic? I think so We got special ref Who could that be? Mincy and Tate are going on a date tonight Yeah Where are they going?

I don't know But I just told Tate What should I expect And I just did the Adam Silverman Get ready to talk mincey, buddy. Can't be talking a lot of mincey tonight. Mook and Brandon. Show me ambulance.

Or show me casket. Yeah. All right, Mook. You'd be fine in a casket, Brandon. I think you'd freak out. I'd be fine. You'd be fine? Yeah.

I spent most of my life preparing to be in a casket. So, Che, you and I are going to ambulance. Love that. Okay. Anything else? Kate Middleton's dead. Something's amiss. She's been in a casket and ambulance. She's dead. Or she's getting divorced.

Oh. No. No. Oh, yeah. Whoever loses We have a real casket And we're going to have to get in the casket and shut the door I thought you were going to get in with him Oh no

I won Hell yeah Yeah I think she might be getting a divorce Oh They tried to soft launch some other chick Some I don't even know her name is ridiculous Like real British

Lawrence Pugh I think I'm dying From the gauntlet Just in general Lady Rose Hanbury Who's the marchioness of Coleman from the gauntlet. Just in general. Lady Rose Hanbury. Oh, that's... That's... Who's the Marchioness of Coleman...

Coleman Deli. She's a Marchioness? Marchioness of Coleman Deli. Of Coleman Deli. I mean, that's the fakest shit I've ever heard. That's wild. Let's see the titties. What's their full title again?

All right, I'll send it to TJ so you can see the whole thing. That's not real. Lady Rose Hanbury. Oh, I'll look at her titties. Of Coleman Deli? From Coleman... She's the Marchioness of Coleman Deli? She's the Marchioness

of Colman Deli. What is a Marchioness? We'll just see them. Everyone thinks they soft launched her. But what does that mean? The British tabloids started talking about her

all of a sudden. What is her role in this? She is the mistress. Oh. They're getting a divorce. She might have had a child out of wedlock with her. How do you have all this? No, the other one. Kelly. Oh. They're getting a divorce. She might have had a child out of wedlock with Harry. How do you have all this?

No, the other one. Kelly. Huh? Kelly? Kelly told me all this. Oh, Kelly. Okay. Kelly and I have been texting about it. What's the Harry? Andrew, right? No, Andrew's a pedophile. William. William. William. You can

tell I'm very up to date with all of this. Except you had a lot of that information. I did. I had whatever Kelly told me. So Handberry is William's mistress. Side piece. And she might have a, they might have an illegitimate child.

Okay. That Kate just found out about. Now Kate's disappearing. That's why Kate is off the radar. And they're killing Kate because of that? Oh yeah. I think so. They're not going to kill the kid. They'll kill the kid later's why Kate is off the radar. And they're killing Kate because of that? Oh yeah. I think so. We're not going to kill the kid. We'll kill the kid later. But they would kill the mistress.

No, no, no. The mistress always... No, no. Learn your fucking history, dude. She's next up. Camilla... We fought a war to not have to know any of this. Charles... Yeah, we did. Charles is the dad. Charles is the king. Camilla is the queen.

Yeah. Camilla was Charles's mistress while married to Diana. Then they killed Diana. Yeah, that's how it goes. He wanted to be her tampon. That's right. Oh, breaking news. If she is dead.

Oh, that would rock. Oh! Tavis! Unbelievable. Tavis, what's up, dude? On your headphones. How you guys doing today? We're great.

We got some really bad news for you. Yeah, what's that? We have the one, the guy who beat you out. World funniest Travis. Yeah. I still think about the wheel. Yep. His name's not Travis.

Oh. Yeah. His name's not Travis. Oh. Yeah. His name is John Anthony. Well, mine wasn't Travis either. Pretty sure. Yeah, yeah. Good point. How has your life changed since losing out on World's Funniest Travis?

Well, there was a time period there that I questioned why I didn't take the $300, $400 you offered to get off the call. I got off the call. Why did I do that to chase the wheel? I don't know. I was like, I'll never hear of this again. And then today I was surprised. I was actually out at work. But then Big Cat, you obviously, I don't know if you remember, but I was in a Survivor Bowl contest and the guy wanted to split the money.

And I was going to, and then I reached out to Big Cat, and he said, nope, keep doing it, and won an extra $1,000. Yes, that's right. So I won it back eventually anyways. There we go. So that's all because of funniest Travis. Yeah, that's right. I forgot you hit me up, and I was like, no, fuck it.

Let's ride. Yeah. And you won. It was perfect advice. I felt a little bit like a douche pushing for the win, but honestly, it was worth it. No, you did the right thing. All right, so it worked out. Absolutely.

So won the money somehow, someway. All right. Any other questions for Tavis? We just wanted to break it to you. I feel bad. Glad to see him. No, I know. I'm hurt by it, too.

But honestly, I live in Cincy. I got to get there and try the gauntlet myself see if i can beat the uh fake travis to score you're welcome to come tavis you have an open invite to come and uh hang out because now you you might be the funniest travis if if he beats fake travis's record we should give him his r yeah you can earn an r yeah and you and you become the world's funniest america's funniest travis perfect I'll take it. I can tell you for a fact a couple of my best friends were very mad because they were like, you are the least funny person I know.

They were very annoyed that Barstool had a funny title. That was perfect. It came to lots of people checking on it. It's amazing how many people watch this and out of the blue says, I saw you on that. Yeah. Yeah, it irritated some people. Oh, man. All right.

Well, Tavis, it's good to talk to you. And yeah, open invites. Yeah, please come. Absolutely. I'd love to come. I'll reach out to CJ. All right. Perfect.

Thanks so much, Tavis. Much more fun than by Jim. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Take it easy, Tavis. All right. Thank you all. Appreciate it. It's classic. That's the guy by Jim. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Take it easy, Tavis. All right. Thank you all.

Appreciate it. That's the guy you robbed. Yeah. Yeah. You seem fine with it. I'm fine with it. If he was a real Travis, then maybe I'd have some remorse, some guilt. But some fakers faking the funk.

Yeah. You guys all were faking the funk. Do we know who came in third? Travis. Actual Travis? That was the Canadian Travis the canadian travis we have no real did we have any real travis no real travis anybody remember anything about that episode no i don't remember him i don't remember any of that shit i remember being so excited about the idea and then when we started it we're like this is not good it's bad it was kind of offered money to get off the wheel? I don't remember any of that shit. Yeah, so whoever left hung up on the Zoom call $100, $200, $300.

Yeah, because I was trying to whittle it down. Because like everything that we do, whenever we have to decide someone, we're all big pussies. Yeah. And then we're like, oh, we'll have the wheel do it. Yeah. Yeah, that's what happened. I kind of remember now.

Yeah. All right, well, let's spin our own wheel. It's been fun having you here, John Anthony. Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate it. Very funny episode. Good luck to your sister.

I know. Now I have to watch this. I got to. I'll be watching. Can we get a wheel reset, please? Fuck. All right. All right.

Fine with that. That's a future us problem. Yeah. Big time. Yes. All right. Well, everyone, please subscribe. We'll see everyone. We got a regular episode tomorrow. That's a future us problem Yeah Big time Yes Alright well everyone Please subscribe

We'll see everyone We got a regular episode Tomorrow And then like I said We're gonna be taping The WWE Friday episode So uh Yeah

We'll see everyone tomorrow It's the act Get your straws, yeah Style a tape for a while It's the act It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop We're doing Yankee Swap It's the act

It's the act Have a good Tuesday, everybody. And happy birthday to Kaylee Cassidy from your fiancé, Ben. Happy birthday.