The Yak - The Turtle Cake Has Made Its Way to Vegas | The Yak 2-6-24

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

These fellas really don't know about the Turtle Cake...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Yo, it's the Yak. We're back. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase.

Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. You're the biggest man in the world. Roback.com. Go right now. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Why are you so older? You made me look small. What's happening?

I don't know. What the fuck? Make yourself small. You can't even. Boys. Thank you. Thank you. Today is surprise day.

I have a surprise. Oh, that's right. I have a surprise. And you haven't budged. I haven't budged. I have not told a soul. Off camera, you were like, do you want a hint? And I was like, yes, please. You were like, no.

Yeah. I've been playing coy with the surprise. What the fuck? There's a surprise? I didn't even know. The surprise day in and of itself is a surprise. Yeah, the surprise is coming hopefully in 15 minutes if all is planned well. Is it a mariachi band?

Something like that? Yeah, it is. Fuck. All right. Can't surprise them. Is it a person? Is it a group? You won't guess.

Is it a collection of living things? It's not the Blue Man Group. Maybe. You're thinking it's the Blue Man Group. It's the Blue Man Group? They're... Jabberwockies. Is it the Jabberwockies?

It's the Jabberwockies. It is. I would flip. You guys won't guess it, but when it comes, you're going to be so excited. So excited. Well, thank you in advance. A couple, you're going to be so excited. So excited. Well, thank you in advance. A couple of you will be more excited than the rest of us. Which couple?

I'm not telling you. And he looked at Roan when he said it. No, but I think that was a misdirection. Oh, so it's definitely not Roan. Roan will not be excited. I won't be as excited as the rest of you, but I'll still be excited. I think you might actually be the most excited. If it's my unearthed grandmother, I'll be very excited.

It might be her. Did they bury her alive? Of course. Family tradition. The Ferones are big into WWE. Buried alive match. Grandma's last buried alive match. That's how she went.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. That would rock. Oh, my God. That's how she went. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. That would rock. Oh, my God. You would be a legend. Wait, so if Roan would be the most excited. But he might not be. Oh, that's a good point. So who would be the least excited?

Is it Embiid, Meniscus? I think everyone would be equally as excited, but there would be maybe two to three people who are very excited. So everyone won't be equally excited. Will somebody be disappointed or even upset? Could somebody be mad? Yeah, someone could be upset. So that's Brandon.

Someone could be upset. But it's not a bad upset. It's a, you expected something like way different and you're like, oh, that's all? Could this make somebody anxious?

Yeah, it could. Okay. I don't think, well, I mean, Brandon's always anxious. Okay. I don't think it would. I mean, Brandon's always anxious. It's making Brandon anxious right now. Yeah. What's your guess? We'd rather experience punishment than uncertainty,

but that's human nature. Did you get into Will's notes app? I'm secretly on the same wave as him. It's no secret. You said you were having good coughs. Yeah, that was a good cough. It felt good. Thank you for the best dinner of my life. Oh, yeah. That was a great dinner

with the boys, the Windy City Mafia. We toasted to the Windy City Mafia. Well, Roan's our Tom Hagen. He's our Tom Hagen. We toasted to the Windy City Mafia. We're like, I can't believe the people in New York didn't realize that we've known Ohio State for years without

that hit. Look at Ohio State's Venmos. There was a big one from a day in the day. He's actually Titus' cousin. Yeah. They have him stand behind the table. Just took notes and would lean in and whisper in Max's ear. No, it's good though because I figured the week

is going to get crazy. So Monday night we all went out. I'm going to show the picture again. Kyle looks so beefy. Look at you, dude. Look at that. Very pleased with how my arms turned out. My God. It was a great night of friendship.

Did you and Titus, I'm not going to let you get away with that. I don't understand this. I'm looking at the camera. Yeah, dude, that's just a normal fucking. Oh, you're doing blue steel. Oh, my God. You're trying to look hot. What a piece of shit. Yeah, dude, that's just a normal fucking... Oh, you're doing blue steel. Oh, my God. You're trying to look hot.

What a piece of shit. Yeah, you're trying to look hot. Yeah, same face. Same face. What was your guy's face? Oh, no, fuck you. The Chilean sea bass. It was the best thing I've ever had.

The beans were the best. The green beans were the best. Stop saying the green beans were the best. It's a slap in the face. If you say green beans were the best, that means everything else sucked. No. Everything else was good. There was not a chance the green beans were the best. If you say green beans were the best, that means everything else sucked. No. Everything else was good.

There was not a chance the green beans were the best. The hamachi was the best. The sushi was incredible. What was that? The Thai beef jerky. The turkey was good. That was great, but the beans were otherworldly. Stop saying the wrong things.

Potato sticks were good, too. If you pick a side as the best, that means the meal sucked. No, it doesn't. It was the best beans I'd ever had. That fish was amazing. The Chilean sea bass. I don't know what was glazed on it. Miso, maybe?

You always talk shit on Chilean sea bass. He was talking shit last night. I talked shit, and then it was right in front of us. It's an oxymoron. Yeah, I mean, it's a Patagonian toothfish, but then that was a nice cut. But it almost tasted, it ate like a cod. It did eat like a cod. I have a list who didn't say thank you.

I'll be revealing that later. Not anybody in here. Thank you. No, no. We both said thank you in the show. Everyone said thank you. You made us toast to you. No, we toasted to Pete. Oh, yeah. Yeah. These are the times we really need Zah. Zah

was a mess. Needed Zah. Yeah. He was there. It was just dark. We toasted to the we really need Zah. Oh, geez, yeah. Zah was a miss. Needed Zah. Yeah. Yeah. He was there. It was just dark. We toasted to the Windy City Mafia. We toasted to PFT's contract, new contract. Three years.

It was a great time. Three years. It was a beautiful time. TJ's the only one without a beard. What? TJ's the only one without a beard. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm on there.

Why? Dude, you have a face full of hair. I don't know. I'm on the fringe there. On my end, it was eating for everyone. We were the eaters, eaters. A very weak third in the middle. The middle was the worst.

Bad, bad middle. Leaving. What? The middle had to pass down their steak to us. Passed down to me and Jerry and Matt. That's because, no, because they did, it was 12 of us, and they did. Oh, the middle got two pieces. We got two pieces.

They brought out four plates for everything, so we always got two in the middle. If you look at our side. Don't say that. Oh, our side was. We were eating more than the middle. We were eating all their stuff. We were taking care of our business.

Who was in the middle? We finished everything. We were eating ours, and I was reaching towards the middle and bringing it to... Spider. Spider was passing me piles of food. All right, yeah, the middle might have been weak. No, I don't think it was, dude. The beans, the bean plates were empty.

Yeah, the beans were empty. Stop talking about the beans. Beans. All my favorite part was the beans. Brandon got to meet Dan Patrick after. Yeah, that was awesome. I was so happy for you. He posted out on a picture.

I didn't need a picture. I met him. I shook his hand. I live in here. Yeah, great picture. Why did TJ text the group and ask for the picture of you two in the morning? For mostly sports. You wanted a picture.

Shout out Dan Patrick. He bought us three bottles of champagne. And Brandon doesn't drink, but he's like, I have to drink. It's Dan Patrick champagne. I drank Dan Patrick champagne. And Brandon doesn't drink, but he's like, I have to drink. It's Dan Patrick champagne. I drank Dan Patrick champagne. It was incredible. And then PFT and I accosted Mark Davis, which was awesome. You went into attack mode.

You were so attacked. I had to. What if I never see him again? He was wee as fuck. We've been trying to get him on the podcast for years. And that was my opportunity. And I got a verbal yes, even though it was very much a, yeah, my people, your people. He's got to be him on the podcast for years and that was my opportunity and i got a verbal yes even though it was very much a forced my people your people he's got to be one of the most petite owners in the nfl yeah petite he looks like virginia mccaskey's like 101 i think he he's pounds or age uh probably both she actually is probably both yeah when do your pounds line up

with your age does that ever happen yeah I think she might be 100 years old. Well, no, it can't. No. What do you mean it can't? No, you're chasing it. You're chasing it. 100-year-old woman. No, but I think every 90-year-old woman could easily be 90.

Every woman that lives over 100, I feel like, is the smallest woman in the world. They always show a woman from Sicily who's like, I drink wine and woman in the world. You know, like they'll always show like a woman from like Sicily who's like I drink wine and eat pasta every day. I'm 115 years old. Yeah, everybody that lives to 120 is just like, yeah, I never worked out and have five Dr. Peppers a day. Yeah. But it's always about stress.

Yeah. They're always like, yeah, I live on a wine farm or like I live in Japan and I live next to a bonsai tree. I smoke cigarettes every day, but I'm not stressed. Stress, yeah. Stress. Maybe that's the cigarettes are like taking the stress away.

That's true. There's got to be somebody whose pounds align with their age. It's a 90-year-old. I think I'm saying many 85 to 100 plus. That has to be. Yeah. But yeah, Mark Davis is coming on the podcast. There's no douchier thing you can say to a person than saying, will you come on my podcast?

Doesn't matter. But you immediately acknowledged that, which diffused it. Yeah. In that same video, you're like, this was douchy of me to say, so no one else could say that. You eight-miled them. Have you guys done that in the wild? It's horrendous. I don't even like saying the word podcast.

Yeah. I've done it to Mark Davis. I did to Brent Beck on the f train uh who was on snl and that felt so bad i don't like being asked what i do for a living that like breaks me i don't know what to say it's i always say the worst combination of words smut blogger i'm not like those other internet douchebags i am yeah exactly I'm exactly like those yeah I'm exactly like all of them

I'm just gonna say the word podcast me and Sash asked Casey Fry to come on our podcast at a comedy club one time it was very embarrassing in retrospect

it's the worst you can't say it without feeling like the biggest he's so cool yeah huh what could you answer

you have to say yeah no he didn't he said no he said no yeah he said no yeah he said no flat no no uh it wasn't flat but it was a no it was like it was like i'm not really doing podcasts right now oh that's and he's so cool because it's so easy to say sure just you know let's never do it yeah never do it yeah like that's what mark davis did to us yeah he was like yeah i'll do it. Yeah. Like, that's what Mark Davis did to us. Yeah. He was like, yeah, I'll do it.

That's what you should do. Zero intention of doing that podcast. Zero intention. Yeah, but the video, he's going to get hounded. Is there any way? He's not on any social media, right? No. He's going to get hounded.

We did send it to Josh, who does booking for Barstool Sports. He sent it to the Raiders PR. Okay. Like, look at this. They got him. This is verbally binding. I think we might just put that video on the next podcast and say we have Mark Davis. Yeah. Yeah. might just Put that video On the next podcast And say we have Mark Davis

Yeah Yeah If you put that video Out as a podcast It's Mark Davis Yeah We can put that on This show

And have Mark Davis on Oh yeah We can have Mark Davis On every episode of The Act Recurring guest Yeah let's just have that Be the new theme song Yeah

Your interaction Can you come on our podcast? Auto tune it If he comes on I might have to get a bowl cut. You would. That would rock. He showed up and we all just had bowl cuts. Brandon?

I don't want to go back. You need a haircut, by the way. I know. You're looking like a wilderness man. I know. Those last photos of Al Davis with the bandages on his face. Oh, his face was melted. Worst living beings ever.

Yeah. Can you find that, TJ? He did a press conference in the last couple years of his life where he was as dead of a person as you can be while being alive. Yes. Yeah, he was both dead and alive. Worse than like that one prince that was sitting in the car

and they got him with like the flash on. You remember that photo? Oh, yeah. This was the worst a man's ever lived. Yeah, look at that. He's dead, but man's ever looked like. Yeah, look at that. He's dead. But he's alive. Yeah.

It's like that and... Oh, God. What's the... That is... What's the king's name? The king in England right now. Charles. His fingers. He got diagnosed with cancer yesterday.

Oh. Did he? Yeah. Can you make him look like a finger cancer? Oh, you can. Okay. I got finger cancer. You got finger cancer?

Have you seen his fingers? No. Where are they? Yeah, I mean, TJ, find his fingers. They're finger cancer. You got finger cancer? Have you seen his fingers? No, where are they? I mean, TJ, find his fingers. Look at those. That's just years of just inbreed. Look at that. That's inbreed. How is that? How are those fingers?

He's like Chuck Beneric. Is that a... Look at that. That looks painful. Does he even have... Okay, that looks better. Does he have fingernails? Oh! How'd they get his bare feet? Hey, can you guys be quiet a little bit?

Or go outside? The feet Loki look delicious. Yeah, they did. They look like little smoky sausages. Yeah. Like Costco. If you slap that on a grill, oh my God.

Just a little toothpick? I would eat that man's feet. Maybe his fingers, too. That sounds like an appetizer. Prince Charles' fingers. Yeah. It does. Or King Charles.

Or a dick piercing. Yeah. By the way, RIP Toby Keith. Yeah, soft. Yeah, that was rough. Sorry. Yeah, it was rough. He's one of your guys, right?

Yeah. Well, I mean, from that era, yeah. He's awesome. Yeah. Titus is a big 90s country guy, too. I am, yeah. I'm probably the 90s country guy.. I am, yeah. I'm probably the 90s country guy.

Actually, he was tweeted about Joe Diffie before Brandon did. Yeah. That's true. Why do you remember that? Yeah. RIP Joe Diffie as well

while we're on. Well, I tweeted about Toby Keith before you did though. I beat you on the Keith beat. Kyle, you posted on your ex-girlfriend's Facebook wall the How Do You Like Me Now

music video after you got hired at Barstool School. I remember seeing that. Everything but. I wanted to dunk on Billy football, but then it just made me feel like I'm really old because I saw Billy said something like, if you don't know Toby Keith, start here. And it was like, should have been a cowboy so like he just like linked to a song. I was like I'm not. But then I realized maybe I'm just old. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a country music guy but I you know who Toby Keith is. Yeah.

Yeah. It's impossible to not know Toby Keith. Raise up our glasses against evil force. That's him. That's him. And Willie Nelson. Red Solo Cup. Does he do the Muncie, Indiana one? Yes. That's a one to talk about me. Yeah, I love that one.

Nana in Muncie, Indiana. Grandma down in Alabama. He made it okay to be xenophobic for a little bit. Oh, yeah. It was a great time back in 2003. We hated turbans. Yeah. That was him. Yeah. That was him. That was him.

Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist. Put a booty in your ass. I love the way he... Is there a conglomerate that is celebrating his death? Yes. Oh yeah, Dixie Chicks fans. They're all saying he's racist. The Chicks.

I don't think there's anyone who could die at this point that doesn't have someone saying something like shitty about them yeah yeah were people getting

bro from Rocky Apollo Crew oh no he actually might have been the universal pretty unscathed he was unscathed yeah

he's always so funny like when someone dies and it's just like what am I gonna do I'm gonna shit on them online yeah let's own him yeah he can do nothing he's defenseless time to own Keith Like when someone dies and it's just like, what am I going to do? I'm going to shit on them online. Yeah.

Let's own him. Yeah. He can do nothing. He's defenseless. Time to own Keith. This will make me feel better about my life. Toby Keith. Those outvotes are probably nice, though.

What else did he, I love this bar. Yeah. That's just a classic. That's just like Bob Dylan, Toby Keith, best lyricists of all time. Maybe. I love this bar. Was he a large man? Oh, yeah, he was big. He was like 6'3", 230.

He was a big guy. He was in movies, correct? Keith? Might have been. I'm thinking of Keith Lee. He was in movies. Van Horn? Maybe Tim McGraw, I'm thinking of.

Tim McGraw, yeah. Tim McGraw is am I thinking of? Tim McGraw, yeah. Tim McGraw is a bit of a minion. The Blind Side. The Blind Side. Was he in Friday Night Lights, Tim McGraw? Yeah, he was the dad. The asshole dad.

That walked onto the practice field and beat the shit out of his kid and nobody did anything. Beer for my horses. Is that just the music video? No, they made a movie around it. That's raising my glasses. Hour and a half.

Oh, yeah. I love that. Movies need to be an hour and a half. Whiskey for me. How much beer can raising my glasses. Hour and a half. Oh, yeah. I love that. Movies need to be an hour and a half. Whiskey and four. How much beer can you give your horse? Probably a lot.

Probably a lot. Oh, that's cool. Fuck. That is cool. Rodney Carrington was the co-star. Why does the sheriff look so goofy?

That's Rodney Carrington. Yeah. Oh, he's a goofy sheriff? Was he goofy? Did he do a country song? He did goofy song parodies. I guess they were country.

I mean, Red Solo Cup was kind of goofy. Red Solo Cup was terrible. He had funny songs. I think Toby Keith hated Red Solo Cup. Really? It was so damn good? Surprise here? Who knows?

Check, check. Oh. Maybe. Mother. Maybe the surprise is here. Door's open. Rowan, I don't want you to look at the door. I want you to keep looking this way.

I want everyone to close their eyes if the surprise is here. Is it here, Jake? Is it? No, no, don't say it. Don't say it. Do not say it. Don't say it, Jake. Surprise.

Are we all closing our eyes? Ice cream cake, cookie cake, sheet cake. I don't want to close my eyes. Wedding cake. I don't want to miss a thing. Should I go outside and get it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah I'll get it

I'll get it did I accidentally Armageddon yeah you accidentally Armageddon I don't want to fight

oh wait this isn't it no you gotta turn the box for the action no that's not it that's okay not it

not it false alarm on the surprise it was just boxes just boxes I thought it was potentially the cock or the ass

that are next door that's what is next door have you heard the cock next door I've heard the cock oh I thought it was potentially the cock or the ass that are next door. That's what is next door. Have you heard the cock next door? I've heard the cock. Oh, I saw it next door. It was like a horse farm next door. Yeah. Donkeys and roosters.

Yeah, there's two ass, several cock. Wild cock. Speaking of cocks, Drake. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Looked about right. Absolutely.

I think it was an intentional leak. I knew it was an intentional leak. I think the same thing. Because the angle, the lighting, it was all made to... Even the little wiggle. I didn't see the video. Intentionally leaking a masturbation video. Like, what? Yeah, but it's masturbation with a big dick.

No, it wasn't a masturbation video. It was more of like a come hither. Like, it was beckoning. From what Roan told me. I would never talk about this. He did the when Durant towards Achilles you know and he the video of him like on the sideline like pretending to be mad and he's got his hands on his head he's like damn now we're gonna win this championship?

Fuck not like this. That's what he did when this video leaked because he did it on purpose. Yeah. I won't say a word about this. Okay. He's my brother. Several takes. Oh the surprise is here hold on hold on everyone close your eyes a word about this. Okay, this is you. This is my brother. Several takes. Oh, the surprise is here, hold on, hold on. Everyone close your eyes, everyone close your eyes.

Okay. Okay. Thank God the surprise came. Surprise is here. I did not want to have to wax poetic about that. Yeah, yeah. Surprise is here, surprise is here, all right. I'm not waxing poetic about that ever.

The thing is like, if Roan, if your dick leaked. Would you wax poetic about it? Your eyes closed. Would Drake talk about it? Exactly, how do I open this? Exactly, that's what what I mean we're both sweeping it under the rug for each other Okay, hold on keep your eyes closed keep your eyes closed keep your eyes closed keep your eyes closed Keep your eyes closed keep your eyes closed all right open your eyes It's a turtle cake. It's a real one. From the parent. Liam's dad. No way. Oh my God.

Turtle cake. It's incredible. It's the same number of M&M's. It's a turtle cake. It's the same number of M&M's every year. Every time. Oh my God. No way. And you know what this means too?

We could have breakfast turtle cake tomorrow. Holy shit. That's the best part about turtle cake. Well, if we don't eat it all right now. Oh my God. What's up, guys? Thank you. Here. Mark, come on here't eat it all right now. Oh, my God. What's up, guys? Thank you. Here.

Mark, come on here for a sec. Play the clip, TJ, so people who don't know the turtle cake. How could you not? Oh, Liam's going to be so jealous. Yes. Here, sit down. Sit down right in the middle. What's going on?

Here. Okay, Mark. Oh, my God. Yeah, how are you? Yeah. Hi, man. No way. Got the turtle cake. All right, sit down in between Kyle and Nick. Yeah, yeah, real God. Yeah, how are you? Yeah. Hey, man. No way. Got the turtle cake.

All right, sit down in between Kyle and Nick. Yeah, yeah, real quick. Corner? All right, we got to play the clip. Use this guy. We got to play the clip. Look at this turtle cake. Oh, my God.

It's beautiful. It looks exactly like the picture. Surprise has arrived. It is turtle cake day. All right, so play the clip, TJ. It's a birthday, just like the cake we get. Yeah. Mom makes a turtle cake. What's a turtle cake day. So play the clip, TJ. Just like the cake we get. Mom makes a turtle cake. What's a turtle cake?

A turtle. A cake in the shape of a turtle. These aren't even close. It has to be kind of close. How foolish are we to not know? That's kind of close, but it's still not it. It's got to be close. It's a turtle cake.

These fellows really don't know about the turtle cake. No, we do. The internet doesn't either. Do you still get turtle cakes? I don't ever want to grow out the turtle cake thing. Yes. Oh, fuck you. I'm on Liam's side.

Oh, it's way smaller than I thought. That's the smallest cake I've ever seen. Always gets the same amount of M in there. Wait, truly? How many? How do you know it always gets the same amount? Just don't cover his mouth. You lied to us.

We always have some leftover for the next morning. Turtle cake breakfast. So, lists of perks from being the son of the creator of one of the most popular sitcoms of its time, Turtle Cake Breakfast. So what are some of the perks that you got? Who made the turtle cake? Yes, who made the turtle cake? Well, his mom.

Oh, yeah, she's the one who made it. This is the real turtle cake. This is the original turtle cake. This is the original turtle cake. And then for you, because you have a wheat problem. I do, I do. No way! Oh my God!

These are cupcakes. What are they, Luke? Turtle cake cupcakes. No fucking shit. But then... They're not creative. There's a lot of birthdays last week.

Oh, so many. Oh, my God. So, you, and so, we never... We got presents, too. Oh, no way. Wow.

For some of you. Okay. Of course. Yeah, only a few people got a present. Okay. I'll let you handle that one. What is that,

a laminated piece of paper? So, that's for you, buddy. That's his birthday. No, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is it? Do you want that? Yeah, I'm going to keep this.

Okay. Is that to BFW? Yeah, BFW. Oh, you got a present. Yeah, yeah. Just be. Because it is your birthday. We bonded on wrestling.

We did bond on wrestling. Yes, what do we got? Oh. Original Liam Bl on wrestling. Yes, what do we got? Oh! Original Liam Bluntman. No! I'm going to get it signed. One of one. Oh my God.

Oh, shit. Okay. You want to guess who? Is that a Blunt? That looks like... Oh, I think I have an idea. Is this an Evan Turner? Oh, wow. Evan Turner? Oh, wow.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A signed Evan Turner. Oh, that's incredible. What? This is the best. What about Kyle's birthday? We ran out.

Got Topanga's bra. We should have got the Topanga funk out. That's right. Can I explain this one? Yeah, explain this one. So this was Crusher Comic. This was him back in the 80s. Oh.

This was what you did. This was your character, right? You were a stand-up comedian that was also a wrestler. Before I started writing. Oh, that's you? That's me. You're Crusher Comic? I'm Crusher Comic.

By the way, Liam and Luke still have no idea. I haven't told them. That's me. You're Crusher Comet? I'm Crusher Comet. By the way, Liam and Luke still have no idea. I haven't told them. So this is... You haven't told them what? About this? They hate wrestling. That's why we're friends. Okay, yeah. You needed me to talk wrestling with. I mean, honestly, I appreciate... I'm so happy for Liam and you guys all treat him

so well, but the bromance you've given me with this guy... We text every day. We talk wrestling. It's a beautiful thing. I mean, men in tights. Me and you. Yeah. Look at this turtle.

The turtle can't be true. I would like to dive in. You know what? I'm excited for breakfast. Yeah. I'm excited for breakfast tomorrow. I can't wait for breakfast. What's the best way to eat it?

Do you go to the chassis? That's actually, the birthday boy always gets the head. Birthday boy gets head. The birthday boy always gets the butt. The birthday boy gets the butt. birthday boy always gets the head. Birthday boy gets head. The non-birthday boy always gets the butt. The non-birthday boy gets the butt, the birthday boy gets the head.

We spin the wheel for the butt. Yeah, we'll spin the wheel so he gets the head. Yeah. Head wheel. Yeah. All right.

Tomorrow morning, breakfast. Yeah, breakfast turtle cake. Well, it's not just breakfast. It's turtle cake breakfast. Thank you. It's turtle cake breakfast. You should know.

He knows better. This is incredible. Thank you so much, Mark. Appreciate it. Oh my God. This is awesome. This is incredible. Thank you. Turtle cake breakfast. He knows. This is incredible. Thank you so much, Mark. Appreciate it. Oh, my God. This is awesome. Thank you. Liam said you were going to do this.

I didn't give up the surprise. Great treat. Oh, my God. Yes. Thank you. Oh, wow. Oh, beautiful. Thank you, boys.

What an incredible guest. You guys want to come by to any of the shows this week? Yeah. We'll be in Margaritaville. Liam's early hours. Thank you. The next boys sleepover. Oh shows this week. Yeah. We'll be in Margaritaville. Liam's early R's for the next boys sleepover. Oh, hell yes. Yeah. Oh, man.

I want to have one of these right now. Liam is the best. They made them for me to have. I have not had a cupcake in a year. Yeah. Oh, man. What if they're pranking you and it's just the regular ones? Double wheat.

Double wheat. Turtle cake. It's beautiful. Holy. Is that a good surprise? Oh, yeah. It's a good surprise. It's the same amount of M&M's on Turtle cake. It's beautiful. Holy. Is that a good surprise? Oh, yeah. It's a good surprise. It's the same amount of M&M's

on every cake. Liam texted me and was just like, hey, do you want my mom to make a turtle cake? And I was like, yes.

Is that a real question? You don't have to ask that. Yeah, dude. We want a fucking turtle cake. Where are they coming from? They live in Vegas. Okay. I thought it would be

more amazing if they were like... Yeah. Trekking from Illinois or something like that. I don't... I kind of don't want to eat the turtle cake because I want to look at it. Yeah. It's a good looking cake.

You want to have your cake. I love looking at it. Yeah, I do. It looks great on the screen, too. Yeah, it does. Look at it. It's smiling. Turtle cake.

Somebody's going to eat that head, though. The one in the picture is chocolate. Yeah. This is vanilla. While you ask him about that, you can take liberties on your birthday. Yeah. No way. I love the Turtle Cake Cupcakes.

Great name. Unbelievable name. Like, I just want to have, like, a leg of it, though. It's a Turtle Cake Cupcakes. We need to make a Turtle Cake shirt. Yeah. Yes, we do need to. We'll have words on it?

Yeah. Okay, cool. I asked Liam his birthday, because I was like, we're going to get a bunch of turtle cakes and he it's August 5th, but he said August 5th, 1998. I was like, I didn't need the year. Yeah. That sucks. Oh, he's a young buck.

Oh my God. You're nice. Have another one, Nick. You won't finish all of them. Yeah, I will. Oh. No, because what about breakfast? You're trying to give me a break of rules. We'll have turtle cake for breakfast. I can't do that.

That's right. That's true. And I think the licorice is the back of the turtle? Yeah. That's the shell. Is that the tail or the dick? What is that? The tail.

The turtle tail. It's the turtle tail. You think there's a dick? Probably. You got to check underneath. Or it could be a girl turtle. It's so perfect, too, because it's never, like, from the ones that he's shown me, it's never, like, gotten aesthetically, like,

more professional. No, it's just, yeah. There's no improvement. There's no tweaking it. It is what it is. I would say a cake that looks like that looks more appetizing to me than a cake that's perfectly made.

Agreed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like that realistic cake shit. Should we spin and see who gets the head? I want the head so bad. I want it so bad I need is it only birthday to be on it or no no everyone gets to be on has a chance at the head Yeah, I need that so whoever wins the wheel is the birthday boy for today. Yeah Wow. Yeah Then we got to spin another wheel to see who gets the tail because yeah

Non birthday boy gets the tail does the non-birthday boy gets the tail. Does that mean tail only, not cake? That would be a slap in the face. One of us is getting head and one of us is eating ass. Yeah. Then we have to figure out who. I want to be on the head wheel still.

I look good. We'll figure it out. Do you look good? Yeah, I look good today. You do. Your arms look big. You look just big. Yeah.

Uncross your arms. Nah. Still good. Nah. Still good. Nah. Still good. Unbutton a couple of shirts. The bottom ones or the top? Yeah, the middle ones.

Well, that's... Okay, Kyle, this... Yeah, there you go, Kyle. Not bad. What was in there? Kind of solid. Really? Shocking.

Well, we've tussled before. Yeah. You guys have tussled? Yeah, we tussled. A lot of force. Mm-hmm. Beautiful forearms, Brandon. Good striations on your forearms.

Thank you. Where's that from? Don't know. Just being naturally. Are you gaining weight in your arms? No. You run out of places to store fat? No.

I'm just a good looking guy. You are. You are a damn good looking guy. Is this the most handsome you've ever been? No. Oh, you said there was like a five. Between April and July of 2004 was the hottest I've ever been. Is that true?

By what standard? That was right now. Yeah, that was when I was courting my wife. But that was right between I was too skinny for 20 years and I'm too fat for the next 20 years. But there was about a six-month window where I was perfect. Where you just had it all going on? Yeah, yeah. I was 6'5", 215. Yeah, because there was a time where your head was too big for the next 20 years. But there was about a six-month window where I was perfect. Where you just had it all going on? Yeah, yeah. I was 6'5", 215.

Yeah, because there was a time where your head was too big for your body. That's not really. That wrestling crowd photo. Yeah, that's, I don't, okay. That's, the lighting in there was. And you grew into it. I did. You grew into your head.

For three months, and then I grew out of it again. Is your head too small now? No, everything's big now. Yeah. Everything. That one. Where do they find that? What are you seeing?

We're looking at the main event, The Rock, and Mankind for the title in a ladder match. No, actually, this is during a promo. The Rock come out for his match, and he's talking about the crowd, and they scan the crowd. I know we've said it before, but you are like a dead ringer for the third Columbine. Yeah. I look like a mixture of the two that did it. Yeah, you do. You're face smashed.

Are those boys still alive? Oh, they were gone early. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They left quickly. Now I recall. So they could have grown into very handsome men is what we're saying. Could have.

Possibly. I don't know. If you did, that's what we're saying. If they're an amalgamation of you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You've got a dick like Drake's, too. There's no doubt in my mind. I don't know. If you did, that's what we're saying. If they're an amalgamation of you. You've got a dick like Drake's, too. There's no doubt in my mind. I've heard that. So you guys really think he leaked it himself?

Of course he leaked it himself. Drake himself, though, is like... I bet you he had a crew of 20 people around there, like, adjusting. Lighting and everything. I bet you they put blush on the tip. Fake dick? Maybe he's grabbing it at the root.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, you have like a he's got a new album coming out soon yes oh so that's okay if i were him i'd use that as the album cover you think yeah do you think it's a recent video like did the video was a video just taken over the last couple days or was, play it. It's not funny. It's not cool that Drake has it all. Yeah, Big F said that. He's got it all.

Yeah, Big F was... He was heartbroken. Yeah. Yeah, Big F went very hard on the breakdown of the video. Drake's dick. Drake's dick. He said it was two of his

stacked on top of each other. Yeah. Which kind of is... It was girthy. Yeah's dick. Drake's dick. He said it was two of his stacked on top of each other. Yeah. Which kind of is, it was girthy. Yeah, no, if I had two of his, I'd be okay. If I had one of his. Because he didn't say it's like mine to the factor of two, which would imply wider and taller. He's saying same width stacked.

Stacked. Well, it wasn't a girthy dick. It was just a long dick, right? Well, it's probably so long You can't tell it's girthy But he also You know what Now you guys are right He definitely did take the video

Because he wasn't fully hard That's what Drake complains about His dick's so long You can't tell it's girthy That's what all those Sad songs are about No one ever says Girthy

Everyone just says I'm long Alright well what else? I mean, I maybe should have done Turtle Cake at the end, because now it's like, that was the big one. Yeah, it's more of a finale move. Did you guys see the, well, first of all, how do we think Steve and Shay and-

We just got an update. No way. They're at the Grand Canyon crying, because it's snowing there. It's snowing there? I think Shay might join Frank's crew permanently. Really? I know they missed the Four Corners by five minutes.

Okay. That's crazy they close it. How does Four Corners close? I don't know. Isn't it just an outdoor area? And it closes at five o'clock. Wait. Low visibility for the boys. Oh no. That's what happened to me at the Grand Canyon. Che's having a blast. Same shit. Che is soaked. Yeah, he doesn't. Che is soaked.

Yeah, he looks different. Che looks white. Che has Charlie Brown hair right there. Yeah, I don't think. I think the water took the Asian out of him. Yeah. Look at him. Yeah.

Why just white? Was he not Asian? Was he hydrated? You just never got him wet. Wait, you're not Asian. You're just dehydrated? You just never got him wet. Wait, you're not Asian, you're just dry. That's a beautiful

forest fire. That seems to be a controlled burn right there. What are they doing? Arrived at the Grand Canyon. Oh,

yep, nice and dry and Asian. Crash for the night. Everybody loves taking pictures inside the Grand Canyon

building. Yeah, Che might be part of the crew. Yeah, they're probably not making fun of him.

Can you play the clip of just Che and Frank, Che might be part of the crew. Yeah, they're probably not making fun of him. I wonder, no, you're right. Can you play the clip of just Che and Frank, Che driving and Frank, and it was, yeah, this, uh, no. What was the fist bump? I think that was. That's when you guys mentioned him. Our good friend Stephen Che was a diehard Bucs fan. Oh, yeah, Che

asked me to ask a question. It was a terrible question. But he said, uh, he wanted to know, you played with a lot of great players, but two guys that are constantly overlooked are Levante David and DeMario Davis. Who do you think is more underrated between the two of them? Levante David's been doing it forever. Yeah. It's crazy.

No. I don't know. He said, I don't know. I don't know. And then Chase still, like, smiling at that. Yeah. Where were his hands? Both of his hands

were at an impossible angle on top of the wheel. Yeah, no, Che is a very safe driver. He was at like 1155. Where's the video of them? 1155 and 1205. It was perfect.

Oh, here it is, TJ. It was just perfectly Che and Steven having like an in-depth conversation. As in-depth as those two could have a conversation. Che and Frank? Or Frank, yeah.

I wonder if there's spots on the crew for him. Like, what would he do? Are they all full? No, I think the crew is limitless. You think so? I think it will grow to 30 or 40 at some point. Really? Yeah, because there's no dynamic in that crew.

I think Mikey Betts is the one that gets yelled at by Frank. Yeah, yeah. And then Shanks is the one that calms him down. Well, Mikey Betts got yelled at because he was shitting too long? Yeah, so Mikey Betts is the one that gets yelled at by Frank. Yeah, yeah. And then Shanks is the one that calms him down. Well, Mikey Betts got yelled at because he was shitting too long? Yeah, so Mikey Betts will eventually be like, you know what, I don't want to get yelled at anymore. Let me elevate to also calm down guy.

And they get a new guy to, to Frank to yell at. But it's only so many spots in the car. True. They can do a caravan. Look at this. This is in-depth conversation. The scenery is just breathtaking. Have you been to New Mexico before?

This is the first time I've ever been to New Mexico. Very nice. Very mountainous. He's going like 75. That's how a T-Rex would drive. Red rocks kind of. It's like a TikTok dance move. He's fucking flying right now. It's a nice drive. That's how T-Rex would fly.

It's a nice drive. I'll tell you one thing about New Mexico. Like, it's nice here. Like, yeah, it's nice. There's mountains. Like, two guys are in the same plane. Yeah, right? And that's just been them for like 24 hours.

So Frank is coming here for trivia and then just driving back? I think he's flying back. Oh. I would assume. I would hope. He's low-key a first-class boy. Is he? And Jenks also has to be a first-class boy so he can be with Frank. With Frank, yeah.

So he breaks the bank. Jenks is definitely, he's spending. Yeah. I wonder if they stop at any Navajo stands. There's like Navajo stands along the Grand Canyon where you could buy blankets and, ooh, canned goods. Accoutrements, open for a gift. I mean, it'd be nice if you brought,

those blankets that they had hanging were very nice looking. A nice Navajo woven blanket. Navajo comes from a Spanish word. I'm so close to doing it. I know, I'm really excited. You're so close to doing it. He's, I'm really excited. So close to doing it. He's like just, he's edging us right now. Really, the Navajo people,

the Paraná's would call themselves Diné, which means the people. Let me do a quick ad. How about Steven Singer? Or no, how about Raisin Cane's? Oh, yeah. Chiefs and 49ers are locked in, and Raisin Cane's will absolutely be our chicken fingers of choice for the big game.

Now we are days away from that very large Sunday game. You know which one I'm talking about. We're making sure we'll have Cane's at the barstool party. You already know that we'll order tailgates on tailgates of their hand-battered, cooked-to-order chicken fingers, buttery Texas toast, and of course, their crispy crinkle cut fries, all of which is perfect with their recipe, secret recipe, cane sauce. It is the best sauce. Also, do butter on both sides of the bob when you order from Raising Cane's. Go to RaisingCanes.com, check it all out. To make sure that you have your order in time ahead of the game Sunday, just remember to get it early. They'll be closing 30 minutes after kickoff to watch the game too.

That's, that's, that's why Todd Graves is the best. They're closing 30 minutes after the game so that all the staff can watch the game. Satisfy your Canes fix today. There really is no other option. We'll be eating it. We're going to be live streaming the big game in Chicago from the Raising Canes gambling cave.

Also just a reminder to everyone, we have Mincy's Super Bowl halftime show, which I asked him to do three songs. He said, nope, I only got two. Yeah. But he said he's doing it bigger this year. Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know. Who knows? It might be the same exact thing.

Maybe not. Bigger might just be singing it louder. What are some, because he usually does something that's, in California, he did a California song. In Arizona, did he do something in Arizona? Well, we're in Vegas. Well, last year in Arizona, what did he do? Did he do Re-In?

Burning Down the House last year. Oh, yeah. But he didn't know the words, right? Well, you have to understand about Mintzy, it's not as much about where the Super Bowl's located, it's about Ben Mintz. Yeah. Where he's mentally...

Yeah, I think he did Burning Down the House as like... I think, if I had to guess, this one will be heavy about redemption, Act 3. Oh, you don't know where it is? No, I don't. I know where it is. Oh, what is it? Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise.

He's doing Around the World by Daft Punk. Can I just note that? Yeah, note that. Around the world, around the world. He'd forget the lyrics. What's the best Vegas song? Leave in Las Vegas? Viva Las Vegas.

Viva Las Vegas. Viva Las Vegas? Oh. Las Vegas. Viva Las Vegas? Oh. Let me see. That's what I thought. That was my guess is what he did. We should make him take a shitload of barbiturates. That makes perfect sense.

It probably is going to. He already has barbiturates. He's sober. Come on. No, he is sober off alcohol. Right, exactly. The whole thing and then he's like, oh, no. The guy we're talking about, he didn't. Did he die eating a sandwich? No, he died on off alcohol. Right, exactly. He did the whole thing and then he like, oh no, the guy we're talking about,

he didn't, did he die eating a sandwich? No, he died on the toilet. He could have been eating a sandwich. It could literally be anyone. How did Toby Keith go? Sleep.

Just peacefully in his sleep. Oh, nice. That's nice. That's actually very nice. Well, he was ravaged with cancer for the last dying years of his life.

Oh, that's not nice. Awful death. That's not nice. Definitely get checked. Get checked for, you know, prostate. I gotta go get my whole colon checked. Why don't we do it on the act? You're gonna check my colon for me?

I don't know why you said me. You brought it up. Sure, but I care about it. A wheel. A wheel for who gets to check Brandon's colon. And what part of the body we use to check it. Drake's dick. Do you want to spin the wheel and see who gets the head of the cake?

Yeah, that's important. I forgot about the head wheel. The paws are almost as appetizing as the head. The turtle paws. I'm excited for it. Do you call turtle feet turtle paws? Do you have to be a mammal to have paws?

I think you have to have a pad for there to be a paw. Do they have pads? Turtles have feet? Do they? What has paws? Turtles have claws. I think mammals have paws. Turtle feet.

Turtles have feet, yeah. Yeah. Well, they have feet. Why'd you say that sexily? Didn't get enough sleep. Ungulates have hooves. Hank, you want to come here and promote your pay-per-view? Oh.

What's up, funny man? Hey, brother. Catch. T-minus eight hours from Hank. Big live show tonight. Go buy the pay-per-view. It's $4.99. Hank does not want people to watch. Yeah, you don't have to watch It's fucked up we're making people pay for it

I agree it should be free Why are we tighter this time Is this a microphone Yeah You're pretty high up at this company I've never seen a microphone like this What Is it that flat one

What do you mean you haven't seen a microphone like that They usually like have rounder you know they're round they got the little like grid on them yeah i think it just doesn't have the crazy the effort i feel like you have this mindset that you're going to be able to like sweep tonight under the rug and that only the people in the room are going to be the ones that experience it as opposed to the thousands that will buy it yeah and then watch it sober thousands yeah watch it not only sober but then clip it and put it out to the thousands that will buy it. Watch it sober. Thousands. Yeah, watch it not only sober, but then clip it and put it out to the other thousands who have not watched it, who have not paid for it.

No, it's a night of comedy. We're taking everyone's phones at the door. We're taking everyone's phones at paid. It's streamed. They're going to pay. It's going to be audio only. No. Yeah.

It's audio only? Yep. The pay-per-view is audio only? No. No. But he is firing right now. You are firing on him. You get to actually pick.

It's either you get video or audio. You can't get both. I get it. That was a joke. He's already done. See, he's on. He's a funny guy. I get it.

Yeah, I'm ready for it to be over tomorrow at this time. I'll be the happiest boy in the world. Yeah, even tonight. Are you going to get loose tonight? I'm going to it to be over tomorrow at this time. I'll be the happiest boy in the world. Yeah, even tonight. Are you going to get loose tonight? I'm going to do three beers and a shot and Vox Bright. And then we're going to record the post game on part of my take. Yeah, you can walk through, Jerry. Big bucks.

Jerry hit a seven grand hit on the roulette wheel last night. They said that the entire casino went up in flames. Jerry's one of those guys that he's got a little bit of that luck gene where those things happen to him. That's a brand of genes. That's just a brand. I got the mud gene.

What's wrong with eating the turtle cake? Oh, you want to put Hank on the wheel? Yeah. What do you think the worst case scenario is? You forget everything? I don't think there is a worst case scenario. I think the worst case scenario has been this last month. Yeah.

Like, no one, everyone that's watching this is probably thinking to themselves, wow, this is going to be really bad. They're correct. So when it is really bad, no one's going to be, you know, surprised or, like, upset. And if you paid money, which you shouldn't have done, you're just going to be mad at yourself, which you should be. I think worst case scenario is people walking out. I don't even care.

That's the thing. It will be over. Once it starts, 67 minutes, and then it's over. It could be the worst 67 minutes. Wait, 67? Or 60 minutes, whatever. Wait, what? Did you come up with that figure?

What just happened? Nothing, whatever. What? Did you come up with that figure? What just happened? Nothing, no. Wait, what? Did you forget an hour's length? At one point on the podcast, we made it 67. 60 minutes is correct. It's 67? Why would you add seven?

You guys are right. 60's such a round number. What's this extra seven minutes? What did you just whisper? What did you add? And also, I couldn't hear the whisper either. Everybody watching. Remember the third holiday pick? Yeah.

We were like, alright, well, if you lose, it's got to be 67 if we add the third pick. Oh, I did not remember. I know, I know. So 67. 60. 60 is totally fine. It's going to be great, but I think that there's a little bit of a fallacy in thinking that people can just be mad at themselves. I think they will take it out on you.

I think people are going to enjoy it because, hey, it's our audience. They're going there knowing that you're not a stand-up comedian. Yeah, you're in a great place. It's a punishment. Right. Do you guys think it'll be like, I'm planning on roasting people that live in Las Vegas and came to the show to start. Yeah, that's crowd work. That's good.

Yeah. Anyone that lives around here is crazy. Okay, don't give it all away. You're roasting them for where they live? Shit. People around here are crazy. That's crazy. That was the first ten minutes of the show.

Why would you live here? You're crazy. Hey, this is fucking good. No, you're going to be fine. All right first 10 minutes of the show. Why would you live here? You're crazy. Hey, this is fucking good. No, you're going to be fine. All right, we'll spin the wheel. Let's see if Hank, maybe it's Hank's day, and he gets the head of the turtle cake.

This would bode well. To elimination wheel. Ooh. Oh, Mark gets knocked out. It's elimination? Oh, yes. No head for you. No head for you, Mark gets not that. It's elimination? Oh, yes. No head for you. No head for you, Mark. Yesterday I asked Jerry what percentage of the people in this town he thought are strippers or sex workers.

He said 10%. 10? No. Certainly not. Oh, no. Or population number. What do you guys think? How many strippers are per capita?

How many strippers total are there? That would be huge. I have no idea. I think it'd think? How many strippers total are there? That would be huge. I think it'd be way too many as well. Probably like.01%. Or just how many if there was a head count. No! I want this. If I get it, we just throw it away, right? Oh, you motherfucker.

Yeah, we feed it to the ass. We're chopping off a head and eating cake? This is an Antoinette heavy. This is very Antoinette heavy. It's very Antoinette heavy. No! We have to feed it to the ass next door. It actually, I mean, it would make sense if it was you

or KB because you guys were the ones that got the turtle cake exclusive. Yeah, that's right. You found out about the turtle cake. KB's felt ass wouldn't even enjoy it though. I want it. I want it so bad. You have to feed it to the ass. I have to throw it over?

Let's just go one spin. All right. Whoever's left gets it. Deal. Whoever's left gets it. Whoever's left gets it. Yeah. If it lands on you, you don't get it.

All right. If it lands on me, I'm bringing it back to Liam. Yeah. Bringing it home. Nick gets the two. You You gotta eat it I will be out of commission for like five days Then feed it to the ass What if it kills it? Then why

Didn't you see Banjo-Kazooie? Yeah, why were you on the wheel? Why were you on the wheel? Why did you agree to be on the wheel? We're gonna eat it Oh, I'm greedy and a dick Alright, let's all just take a bite of the head No

Oh, you guys are gonna pay It's gonna land on wet I'm gonna get a paw Yeah No of the head. No! Oh, you guys are going to pay. It's going to land on wet. I'm going to get a paw. Yeah. No, the head's the best. Oh, my God. That's such good turtle cake. I really like the head.

I don't know why I expected it to taste like a turtle. Yeah, you'd think it would be turtle flavored. What is that flavor? Oh, no. The head just landed on Brandon's shoe. That was chocolate. Were you thinking it was going to be turtley? No, there's like a hint of something.

Yeah, it's just a chocolate cake, but I thought it was going to be turtley. There's like a nutty afterbirth. A nutty afterbirth? What is that? It's not straight chocolate. Turtle cake's delicious. So good. Damp as all hell.

There's a little nutty afterbirth. Oh, it's so damp. It's wet. What are you doing, Kyle? I'm going to stripe. I can't imagine what this is going to taste like for breakfast. Really good. Really, really good. Really, really good. Because the frosting's going to harden up I can't imagine what this is going to taste like for breakfast. Really good. Really, really good.

Really, really good. Because the frosting is going to harden up a little bit. Yeah. It's going to have little horns to the frosting. Yeah. A little. Oh, my gosh. It goes so good with the raisin canes.

It's so good. It would go perfect with a high noon, too. Oh, my word. Oh, yeah. If you're asking me. Which no one is, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Mark, I've got to get another cup. Wax poetic about it anyway. Mark, I've got to get another cup. Wax Poetic about it. The High Noon El Prez Pack is here,

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all made with real vodka, real juice, and the added benefit of being gluten-free. So guys like nick can enjoy with impunity the 12 packs only here for a limited time so get it while you can just look for the pack with dave's face on it and you can even scan the qr code on the pack and have el prez virtually join your party visit high noon spirits.com to find the el prez pack nearest you love it nick is it true that that you're doing a plan breed today? No. Huh?

No. Oh, tomorrow. Oh, that'll be sick. That's a good crossover. I think we have a very similar audience. Nikki clicky is America's guest.

He really is. I was on too. Oh yeah. I like being a guest. Yeah. I'd be great at it. What are you guys going to talk about on Planet Breeder? Oh, we have plates and stuff too.

I don't know. I don't know. There's plates here, but nah. It's better to go manually. I'm going to congratulate her on Landon Zachary though. My God. Yeah. He's hot.

God. Beautiful eyes. I feel like no one ever talks about how fucking piercing his eyes are. That's probably why she had you on with your also piercing eyes. Yeah. It's going to be like a fucking Claire's in that studio. Piercing Pagodan. Clip that. Clip that.

Did you guys see the Chile SWAT team? Yes. The women? Oh my God. Maybe we could watch it. Maybe we could watch it. Maybe we could watch it. To set the stage in Dubai, I didn't know this existed.

It fucking rocks. In Dubai, they invite all the country's best police and SWAT teams to compete in kind of like an Olympics for police. That's cool. Like an obstacle course. Yeah. And Chile sent an all-women's team, and they fucking dominated. Hotly?

Actually? No. That's the funny part. Oh, here they are. Oh, no. Yeah. Vamos. Make that bigger, TJ.

Can you expand that? It's funny because dudes are like running to catch up with them like it's the Tour de France. Five ladies teams. Look at them people just like trying to get it. Involved. Isn't the crime in Chile very bad? In the UE SWAT challenge this year. So this is ice cold water they have to go over.

Belarus. So they're fucking crushing this. Thailand. Oh god. Chile. Oh my god. Two teams. Crush me First one to get wet in the ice bath today So wait does she have to start over yeah

They are stuck in the middle of that zip lineine. In their defense, when would they ever have to go? Remember, if you fall... The physics starts to whip their asses. In the ice bath, you have to go back to the beginning of the zipline and do it again. And currently, Chile have three team members stranded in the middle of that ice bath. Thankfully the water will be a little bit warmer than it was earlier on this morning. Looks like a psychologist desk.

And it just goes to show you how important momentum is. The mouse is just stuck. Oh, no. Oh! Oh! And their weapons. Three team members in the drink. Oh!

Oh! Do they just let him skip? No. They make him do it. Forget about getting wet. And it keeps on. It goes for like two more minutes. And they start doing like this. What are you trying to accomplish now?

All right. And they try and do it. Oh, no, no, that's going to be. Yeah, yeah. Bring it back. Oh, that works. Okay. Yeah.

All right. She's the only one who hasn't gotten wet. I know there was one that got it the first time. Oh, they're fishing their guns out. The way they're getting their guns out with a net. Guns in the ice. I think they lost points

for the guns falling out of the pool. Their next strategy I feel like was the worst, though. They tried to go... This just keeps going the worst though they tried to go this just keeps going yeah they tried to go i think two at a time and one of their things is still up there like is that a yeah here they go get that back somehow i think they're gonna go two of it it goes on so long. It's so funny. The original video is seven hours. Not the whole chili thing.

There was one girl that made it across. Yeah. What's she doing right now? She went back. She went back. They all have to make it. Leave no woman behind. These guys just fishing out.

Oh, my God. Did she just try to jump? She tried to fishing out. Oh, my God. Did she just try to jump? Did she try to jump? Oh, fuck. On her rifle. Yeah. Uh-oh. Oh, no.

She's got to go down. She's fishing out all the rest of the guns. She's got like a life jacket on. They get less of a penalty. They then tried to go in pairs, I want to say. Are they the first to go? Did they watch? No, no, they were the last ones.

They were an hour, like six of a seven-hour video. Could you guys do it? Could we do this? I think so. Could we make it a quarter? I think we're heavy enough. I think it's just purely like they're not heavy enough. That's what screwed them.

It's kind of hot. It's kind of hot. It is kind of hot. When they're all just like, yeah. When they're all trapped up there together. Yeah, they got these huge guns. All right, here we go. I think they're going to get it this time. Yeah, they go as twos.

Now they go by twos. Yeah. And now somebody else has to come. Yeah, they go as twos. Now they go by twos. And now somebody else has to come. Oh, no! And then the kick. Watch. She kicks and then flies backwards herself. Oh! What? Isn't this the first leg?

Yeah, this is the first thing. Yeah, then the ref said, you can't do that. Yeah, they... They were like, hey, you're not allowed to do that. Oh, yeah. You got to go back. And then they tried again. Ref's like, hey, dude.

Stop, stop. Nope, nope. Oh, man. They could probably whip our asses. Oh, they definitely could whip our asses. Do they ever make it? Yeah, they Oh, man. They could probably whip our asses. Oh, they definitely could whip our asses. Do they ever make it? Yeah, they do, eventually. I can't.

I think they just. They're about to. I think they realize they just got to go one at a time as fast as possible. They start pushing each other. And this was the first event of an obstacle course. Yeah. Yeah, you got to just give up. This looks like me at the yak challenge.

Yeah. Yeah, see, they pushed him. Look there, yeah. Boom. There we go. Come on. So that's two out of five? Yeah.

Three out of five? Now, in real, the criminal has killed them all at this point, right? Correct. The criminal's just walking away. Yeah. Yeah. No, the criminal probably stayed and watched. Every drug den just needs a moat and a zip lock.

Four out of five, and I think this is five. Yeah. Come on. She already made it? No, this is the last. Oh, there's two more. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, there's two more. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Great momentum there. Just get your feet out. Yeah. Teamwork. One more. Oh, one more. Uno mas. Uno mas.

That was, oh, yep, good. Yeah. All right. Hard work, perseverance. Let's go to part two. I'd watch the whole thing perseverance. It's on part two. I'd watch the whole thing. I'd watch the whole thing. Amazing.

WPD, open up. No. That is, like, I want to watch the whole. I do, too. Like, that's an awesome event. It was linked under the original video, the seven-hour video. Really? Did you watch it? I was trying to watch some of it last night. Just, the seven-hour video. Really? Did you watch it?

I was trying to watch some of it last night. Is this the full seven-hour thing? This is a wizard guy. These are the fellas. Oh, yeah. Fuck yes. I'll leave this here for reference. What a dick.

Oh, my God. What an asshole. Oh, it's done. They didn't even show him do it. That's why they did it. Damn, that's not good for the sexist bros out there. They're going to have a lot to chew on. Yeah.

Yeah, they're really going to come after him. Yes, middie with it today in women is going to be having a field day with the clicks. Mm-hmm. Breaks my fucking heart, man. Damn. Women, right? Women. Damn.

Speaking of, dude, how come I saw that you're better halfs in town. She is. She's here. She didn't come to boys' night last night. Yeah. She's not a boy. Didn't she come last year to boys' night? That wasn't boys' night.

There was girls? That was fancy dinner night. Yeah, fancy dinner night. Didn't she come last year to boys night? That wasn't boys night. There was girls? That was fancy dinner night. Yeah, fancy dinner night. And we'll never do that shit again. Never. Do you have any plans? We got plans. Every night.

Okay. You gonna share those plans? Probably not. You gonna take her on the gondola? I don't know. Is there a gondola? Wasn't going to. You gonna go up to the Strat?

Is that what it's called? Are you gonna take her to your strip club review? No, I'm not doing any of that. No, I thought you were. We're just going to go to a couple of nice locations. We're going to dinner tonight. One titty grab. Everyone knows the rules.

There it is. What's your technique for grabbing a boob? Yeah, do it on me. Do you actually say honk or do you just make it? I don't really grab titties. You don't grab titties? No, not often. What?

Just nice. Put the whole hand on there. Do it again. Put the whole hand there and then just squeeze. I like to just do a little like. Just a little bit? A little. At first?

And then cup? You cupped. Cup, okay. Yeah. What about you, Kyle? I don't even touch with my hands. Hands-free? I'm a hands-free grabber.

Use Bluetooth. Yeah. I look so hard, it feels like they're grabbing. We were doing a long bit last night at dinner. We were basically doing the show at dinner. Yeah. How great it would be if Stephen Che, if he was single, we think that we could talk him into eating pussy live on it.

Yeah. We were just like, how funny would it be if Che got divorced? Yeah. And then we were just like, yeah, we could definitely do like a thing with jay where like all he does is taste pussy yeah he has to anything yeah and he picks he picks based on the push he does a blind taste test and it's a bunch of food items and one's pussy yeah it's like tasting them all that's the pussy yeah that's the can you spot the pussy single jay would be a menace yeah Yeah. Tasting little chocolate notes. He's like the ice cream guy.

Yeah. All over the tongue. I can tell you showered recently. There's clit. Did you have asparagus? Did you have asparagus? Is that the G spot? Nope.

Close. Where's he going to sit when he comes in? Pull up another chair? Yeah, I don't know. He's going to be boothed up. We should just send him right back home. Kiss the wall, turn around, and go back. Oh, yeah.

Wasn't for trivia. Yeah, we got a dozen trivia on Thursday night, which I'm very excited for. Do we have any update on the Chicago office, how it's going? I saw Smokes is trying to make himself king while we're gone. Yeah, it makes me a little uncomfortable that he's just been sitting in my office. I did lock all the drawers, so that was smart of me preemptively. But yeah, he's been just... That just means your drawers will probably be locked from now on. Yeah, I don't know where the key is.

I got off the plane on Sunday and saw like don't know where the key is. Right. I got off the plane on Sunday and saw, like, three emails on the same thread in a row. And the first one was, like, we're going to just let people take over the office while everyone's in Vegas. Let me know if you want to be in charge. And then, like, five minutes later, Paige sends an email that's like, we are not doing this. Yeah, and then I send an email being like, Paige is in charge.

Yeah. No, his video was good, though. I told him it was a good video. It was funny. Yeah. Look at this. I don't know if this will be my last day in charge or not, but just know I gave you everything I had.

That's probably not true. He wasn't ever in charge. Can we get a report maybe from someone he was in charge of? Danny Conrad said that he can't wait for Super Bowl week to end. Oh, really? It's Tuesday. How he was dressed. Something like Nikki Smokes was dressed as the adult that goes back to prom. Yeah, Nikki Smokes

aimed for professional but landed on 22-year-old taking a high schooler. One million percent. Can you find the Danny Conrad tweet? He needs a bottle of UV blue. I like Nikki Smokes. I'm sorry.

I do, too. And I hate, yeah, and I have to apologize every time I say it. Right. It's like a guilty pleasure. I'm sorry. I like him. He's being like, fuck, I can't. You don't have to apologize, Brandon, or you don't like him?

I don't like him. No? There's something about him. He ruined a pair of Jordans. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Your pair of Jordans are currently ruined because there's turtle cake on them. Oh, you have turtle cake all over your Jordans.

I'm sorry. Turtle cake on Jordans improves them. I can dip down and eat that turtle cake whenever I want. You won't. Brandon, there's turtle cake on your J's. How about that? You look stupid. I look like a fucking idiot.

Yeah. Your room looks gross right now. I'll eat the tail of the turtle cake. No. As a comeuppance. Okay. That was good. Oh, my God.

The stripes are so good. I know. They taste way better than I thought they would. The best part about turtle cake, no surprises. Same amount of M&Ms every time. Wait. Did anybody have an M&M? I did. They weren't on the head, were they? No, M&M I did

they weren't on the head were they no M&M they were two eyes oh two eyes two eyes yeah

yeah damn very good is it time for Mary Todd Lincoln yes yeah new segment

we were tired of doing Mary fuck kill so Nick last night suggested we start doing Mary Todd Lincoln it was yeah we start doing Mary Todd Lincoln. Yeah, did we do Mary Todd Lincoln on any of these ones?

I probably thought about it before. Mary, who you're going to marry, who you're linking up with. Who's Todd? Who you Todd? Todd's pretty self-explanatory, I think. Who you Todd? You could do it with any three-name person. Yeah, Mary Tyler Moore.

You could Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Who's adjusting the length of your pants. Thomas is a profession, right? Thomas? Who's doubting you. Doubting you. Yeah, who's doubting you. Yeah, and then...

Who's going to the job. Who's pooping. And that's the same as Mary Lou Retton. Who you're going to marry, who you go to the bathroom with in England, and who you retton. Retton. That means ass fucking.

Damn near killed him. Just a fun new segment. Yeah. The guys. When's Portnoy getting in? When's that goofy ass getting here? I think he's probably

on his way. Is he coming to the crib? Wait, I didn't see this. Taylor got Travis Kelsey to admit that Bustin' with the Boys was an inspiration for New Heights? Yes. So does that mean a media day? You are the grandfather of New Heights. So we created New Heights.

Yeah. I don't even think Bustin' with the Boys knew about part of my take on this. Did you see Taylor has a new video called The Signs? Yes. Yeah.

Wait, was he not doing that as a parody? I don't know. They're really good at staying right in that zone where you're like, I don't think they are. Yeah.

No, I'm saying like, they're, like, I think they sometimes know that they're doing it on purpose, but a lot of times I think they think like, oh yeah, this was a genius idea and we came up with the signs. I'm offended they haven't taken anything we've done, Kyle. Turtlecake, next up. Yeah, it's going to be next on. Yeah. They're going to start Mary Lou Retting.

That one would take hours to explain. All right. Today we're going to marry Todd Lincoln movie theater snacks. Bunch of crunch. If I see Will Compton, Compton, totting bunch of crunch on Twitter next week, I'm going to flip. It would be an honor though.

It would be. They were playing poker with milk last night, I think, or a blackjack with milk. Blackjack with Nelk. Blackjack with Nelk? I think they were because Jerry was considering going out

to play Blackjack with them but he didn't know how he felt about Nelk. What do you mean? He just doesn't know if he'd get along with them.

Nelk boys are fucking I don't have the itch. What's his name is a good dude? Kyle. Kyle. They're also in that level of like whether you like the Nelk Boys or not,

I think they do good videos. Like, you have to respect the fact what they built. Yeah. You can't be like, oh, they're nothing. That's what I said about Hitler. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, you did. Off air a lot.

Now finally on air. Yeah, it's the Bobby Holt quote. I had to tell Brandon that when he was asking about Blackhawks history. I was like, do not get a Bobby Holt jersey. Yeah, I was saying, what jersey to buy? What did he say? He was like, Hitler had some really good ideas. He just went too far.

Bobby Holt said that? Yeah. I bought two of them. Yeah. And he was like, I think he also was like, it was even worse, too. He like went further where he's like, you know, this whole, like, getting a master race, that was a good idea. Oh, really?

Like, that one had legs. I don't know why we stopped. You're trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. You're like, yeah, I'm sure Hiller actually probably did have, like, No, let me find it. Lunch at 1030. I don't know. Yeah. Probably invented that cuisine.

Yeah, SS alternated Fridays. They didn't have to work on every other Friday. Good idea. He's like, no, no, no, I'm speaking of the master race one. That's the one. Oh, yeah, here it is. All right, so this is reading from the Chicago Tribune, 1998. Former NHL star Bobby Holt told a Russian newspaper that Nazis were not without merit.

The black population of the United States was growing too fast, and that genetic breeding was a worthy idea. Hitler, for example, had some good ideas. He just went a little bit too far. A little bit too far. It's crazy to have Hitler went a little bit too far be like the second worst than you say. He loaded that. He knew the fellas looked good in Hugo Boss. This is fucking crazy.

I hate Illinois Nazis. That's the exact same thing Marge Boss. This is fucking crazy. Yeah. I hate Illinois Nazis. That's the exact same thing Marge Schott said to get herself in trouble. And thanks to you, in my man cave, there's a Marge Schott bobblehead. What did she do? What did she say? She said Hitler had some good ideas. She also said some things about blacks and a lot of stuff. Yeah, even saying blacks is almost...

Yeah. Marge Schott went crazy. She would start her sentences with that. Yeah. Even saying blacks is almost. Yeah. Marge Shaw was crazy. She would start her sentences with that. Yeah. Marge. Why are there so many Illinois Nazis? Is there a lot? Like the Blues Brothers is all about them against the Nazis.

There was a famous Supreme Court case. Like Skokie, it was like freedom of speech. They wanted to do a rally. And it was like a big, big thing where they're like, we have the right to rally and be Nazis. And they had uniforms, too. Yeah. Who was making them?

Nazis were like the default villain in the 90s, though, right? Or in the 80s? No, 80s was Russia. Okay. 80s was definitely Russia. And then Statue of Liberty started shaking our fist.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Asia was definitely Russia. And then Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What a great line. Picture her standing up on her stand. God damn it. It's tough on these kids. Her hands are full. Yeah, but she, I don't know.

Which hand do you think she? She switches, she brings a torch down here, holds it, and does this. Or no, book up gear, torch in hand. Get you. I mean, if she could move, she would have and does this. Or, no, book up here, torch in hand. I'll get you. I mean, if she could move, she would have stopped the planes. Yeah, that's true. She stiff-armed them. Or took the charge.

Who's this? Just people walking in. Hey. What's going on? Hello. What's up? Welcome, though. We're live.

You can walk through. Yeah, you can walk through. Come on in. Yep. It's Turtle Cake Day. We're having. Yep. It's Turtle Cake Day. We're having Turtle Cake. It's Turtle Cake Day. Turtle Cake, Raising Cane's, High Noons.

Yep. Steven Singer Jeweler. Oh, yeah. Do a Steven Singer Jeweler ad. It's time to talk about our friend Steven Singer from Steven Singer Jewelers. The I Hate Steven Singer guy. That guy? You ever drive on 95 and you see those billboards that say I...

What a punk rock font, too. Right? Yeah. It is a little angsty. Yeah. I'm such a font slut. I am. And you always wondered, I remember when they came out with that, and you're like, why do

they hate Steven Singer? Probably because of his freaking great deals. Yeah. Probably from his great deals. And all the other jewelers are the ones that hate him because he's got so many freaking great deals. Number one gift for Valentine's Day, and we're excited to tell you all about it. A real long stem American beauty rose, lavishly and deeply dipped in pure 24 karat gold.

That's guaranteed to last forever. How long, Ron? Forever. You heard it right. Beautiful. I mean, we got them right here on set. It's a great Valentine's Day gift. I've gotten it from my wife before, and she absolutely couldn't stop talking about how great, fabulous, and sublime a gift it was.

They start at just $59. It's a beautiful Valentine's Day rose. It won't die. It won't wilt. And it doesn't even need water. This is the number one gift. It's something unique and it's special. And like I said, it lasts forever.

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No. Try it. Pass it down. Take one down, pass it around. Did everyone bring a pick for the parlay? Oh, sure. Yes. Yes.

But I'm afraid someone else has mine. No, let's do it here. I forgot mine, but I got to look. I got Oklahoma. I'm going to put $1,000 on this parlay. I got Pacific plus 21 and a half. I'm going to put $1,000 on this parlor. I got Pacific plus 21 and a half at home against St. Mary's. TJ, can you write these down and send them back to me?

Well, who'd you have? Thank you. Oklahoma. God damn you, that was mine. Why is it? How is it yours? I was looking. You just said you don't have one. I got to find a pick.

Was that a Toby Keith thing? Yes. Oklahoma? Give me South Carolina. Mine's four and a half at home. All right, I'll take UNC. Might not be four and a half anymore. I haven't looked in a while.

And I'll tweet out the picture. People can follow along. What? Oklahoma. At home? Come on. Come on now. Come on now.

For Toby Keith. They're not losing to Toby Keith. That's Toby Keith night. That's what I mean. God, I'm going to have to bet that's true. No, I don't want South Carolina. Yeah. Brandon, come on.

Oklahoma. What? I don't know. I'm going to have to bet that. No, I don't want South Carolina. Yeah. Brandon, come on. Oklahoma. I don't know. I came with the pick. I didn't have to go digging through my pick. Seven-leg parlay. It's going to pay a lot of money. It's going to be Rhode Island plus six and a half. Okay.

Rhode Island? Yes. Where are they at? George Washington. Tough place to play. Is it really? Boston College at home. Not at all.

Boston College at home minus four. You know South Carolina is going to hit now. I don't want to be the one that ruins it, so just give me Vermont over Moneyline over NJIT. You can't do that. Why? Because what are they, minus like 1,000? What?

Just Moneyline? Yeah. Okay. I don't want to be the one. I don't want to be the one to ruin it. Yeah, all right, all right. So we got one in the bank. Nick's pick one.

Yes. I mean, Western Michigan plus 10.5 against Kent State might be a steal. You can't go against your – I know, but someone should. No, we can't do that. Why not? Dave! What's up?

Welcome, Dave. Join us for a sec. Sit down. Take a seat. Mike was on your ass? Dave is here. He's doing his job. We got a mic for you right here. That unnamed podcast graphic is awesome.

So that's coming out Thursday? First episode? First episode. See how long it lasts. That sounds like... What are we thinking? Six weeks? 12 weeks?

24 weeks? Why are we so fucking far away from the strip I don't know that's wild we do have your studio your BFF studio is on the strip yeah

yeah like we do part of my take on the strip I think this is advertisers yeah so we drive yeah this is gonna take an hour yeah late in the week

oh yeah who did this? I don't know. Like Smitty? Fucking crazy. Is it Pete? Pete's got to be over there. It's probably Pete.

What time did you get in, Dave? Pretty late. I don't know. I got to be over there. It's probably Pete. What time did you get in, Dave? Pretty late. I don't know. I got to the hotel around midnight. Are you betting college basketball cash games? So, I don't know if I can say what I'm about to say. I think you've got to say it. No, we're live, right?

Yeah, we're live. Write it down? Maybe have Nick read it? got to say it. No, we're live, right? Yeah, we're live. Write it down? Maybe have Nick read it? I'll say it. You want me to say it? Well, I don't know if I can say it. Okay. Okay.

Nick can. This is going great. Wait, I can't even imagine what this could be. Okay. Are you playing Blackjack? No. I'm not. I'm not.

Taylor and Will sucked Dana's dick and play every night. It's a movie. I don't think you understand. Taylor 1 literally has Dana's cock in his mouth. I couldn't believe they got into media day. They did last year too, didn't they? Oh, did they? It's not as fun when you're allowed to be in it.

They got denied and then they got in. Got it. They created a stink. We played in the NFL, I think. They should get in. We should all get in. Show's electric right now. Yeah, we're doing well.

When you came on and said you couldn't tell us. Yeah. We stopped and waited for you to join us and then you couldn't tell us. Here we are. Yeah. Well, I was thinking Dan brought something up and I couldn't fucking mention it because off air, I'll say why I couldn't mention it.

Yeah. I can't believe how far away we are. So it's just going back and forth. Every day, yeah. It's nuts. Yeah. Long way. Yeah.

Did you see the Windy City Mafia last night? I did. Yeah. I actually am going to get ready to do a cool club. Oh, no. Where you guys would all be if it wasn't for me. Yeah, yeah.

I did that before. Yeah. Gross as all. Yeah, yeah. Some of them, I was having trouble with you a little bit. The rest was a little bit easy.

Oh, what were they? Just, oh, fuck. We're live on the air. Light us up. Light us up. You'd be writing on, like, a comedy show that's, like, on some F-rate channel. That's kind of nice. Real estate.

Real estate. You'd stay. High school wrestling coach. Suicide. Suicide. Thank you. Walker would be, like, still in his basement doing nothing. I was happy. Teacher. Oh, like, still in his basement doing nothing. I was happy.

Teacher. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's fair. I'd probably, like, just be, like, in fucking L.A. living by the beach or something. Yeah. I thought it was shit like that.

Spider. Oh, yeah. Spider. Spider would be, like, a flair guy at, like, Applebee's. Yeah, Ruby Tuesdays. Like a breeder? Yeah. I like that.

TJ? He was like the facilities manager at Rutgers, like keeping the basketballs. He likes that. Yeah. Who else? Jerry? Prison.

Prison. Hank? Well, he's still a ticket taker PFT PFT would be like Low rate guide espionage Or the defector Who else is there

Oh Max Yeah he would be like a drunk In a Philly bar Like probably Working like construction By the way I got an email you want to talk delusional just on the way over a second ago subject line max delante he's like i want to go right to the top i want to sell you guys like insurance or some shit and like i've known Max my whole life. It's like, delete? Like, talk about not having a clue on how to get my attention. I mean, he got it, but to keep it, no.

Did you see what happened to him on Sunday on the flight? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He sat next to Diana Rossini and she just texted the FTA that he just farted the whole time. Yeah, I believe that. Yeah, well, he ate a burrito too. But she said cute face. Cute face. When? Yeah. We'll eat a burrito, too. But she said cute face. Cute face.

Win. Yeah. Okay, anything else, Dave? What's your plan all week? What are you doing all week? You have a bunch of interviews. You're doing radio. So, rundown, radio.

Starting tomorrow, Margaritaville. Yeah, which we haven't even put out the graphics yet. I've been up Blatman's ass. Is Blatman here? I don't know what the fuck he's doing. The BFFs. Dozen. Dozen.

So a bunch of shit back and forth. Pizza, hopefully. And then social calendars filling up. So much shit going on this week. What are some parties? Any good parties? Well, the guys who did my One Bite Fest,

the Medium Rare guys, they have a bunch of shit actually at the hotel that I'm at. The new hotel, Fountain Blue. You were in it yesterday. Yes. Those are all... You see I see Mark Davis? Yeah. Those are all the Miami guys that I'm pretty

friendly with, like Grotman and Company. We were actually trying to get a sports bar in there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Those are all the Miami guys that I'm pretty friendly with, like Grotman and Cumber. We were actually trying to get a sports bar in there. Oh, I remember that. We said we didn't want to, which is whatever. So they're in just a bunch of shit. It's Super Bowl, so, and Vegas. Yeah. We have maybe our dozen guests that's going to be great.

Is that who you said? No. Someone that you going to be great. Is that who you said? No. Someone that you're not thinking of. Well, that's because you told me. Yeah, but I'm saying you're going to be, if I can pull it off. We have a great, I'm very happy with it. You have one? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, they have a great one. We have a great one. No, we have ours. I'm very happy with our guest. Brandon? PFT's handling it. Okay. Yeah, I don't think you guys have one yet. I'm on a team with guest. Brandon? PFT's handling it.

Okay. Yeah, I don't think you guys have one yet. I'm on a team with PFT and Fran. They got to handle that part. They're the captains when it's time to do work. When it's time to receive the glory, you're the captain. When it's time to answer the questions, that's when I come in. You're the captain. Did you shoot down Mincy as the guest?

I did. Oh, why? Because it's fucking Mincy and I'm tired of being tied to that motherfucker. That's not a real guest. Dave, are we nervous about Mincy's halftime show? We were talking about that. He said it's going to be bigger than ever. Still only two songs, though.

I asked for a third and he said no. King of the South. Yeah. I like the roses for the Rose Bowl there. I don't think that's what they're for. They're not for the Rose Bowl. No, I don't think so. You're celebrating for. They're not for the Rose Bowl. They're not for the Rose Bowl? No, I don't think so. You're celebrating Valentine's Day.

Why your jacket, right? The Rose Bowl gave it to me. Oh, yeah. The Michigan beat Alabama. This hat? Destroyed the SEC to win the... Oh, yeah. Those are the best.

The best. 47 brands. Have we even said 47 brands now are official hats? I think we... I've said it a couple times, but yeah, they are. They have the best hats. Those are the... I don't understand what they're doing, though, because they don't have them all.

They released like eight of them. I bought them all. Yeah, I'm waiting for cool Patriot ones. The Patriot one is not good. Yeah, and they are the most comfortable. This is one of those deals we did where I was wearing them before we did deal with them. Same. They're the most comfortable hats.

Which Patriots one did they have, the Bears game? No. They did have that one. No, they didn't. Yeah, that one. No, they didn't. Yeah, they did. No, they didn't. Yeah, they did. Well, maybe I ignored it.

I'm not going to wear one. Yeah, yeah. But it wasn't like a cool logo. I actually rewatched some of that the other day just to watch the beginning when they took the lead

3-0. It's so weird watching all that. The problem is, though, the newer Super Bowl logos suck. Yeah. Like, they ruined the Super Bowl logos. Like, these were always awesome.

It's crazy they're having a Super Bowl here. I know. Crazy. Do you know the the Super Bowl logos. Like, these were always awesome. It's crazy they're having a Super Bowl here. I know. Crazy. Do you know the rule? You don't think it

fits perfectly? Do you know the craziest rule? Well, I mean, Goodell, like, tried to arrest. Who did he try to arrest when he went

to, like, a fantasy convention three years Do you know what the rule is? It's crazy. No active NFL player can step foot into a sportsbook.

What if you do it by accident? They said you can walk. They said anyone who's playing in the game can walk through a casino. No active player can stand in a sports book. You know what else he's full of shit? I saw him quoted as being like, we'll never do pay-per-view for the Super Bowl.

I'm calling bullshit on that. I bet they do. Yeah. I bet they do. I bet that's coming. So much money they'd make. Yeah. I got a question about your bet that's coming. So much money they'd make. Yeah. I got a question about your show.

Which one? Your new one. Oh, the unnamed. With Kirk. Did you guys record that yet? No. It's live. Oh, it's going to be live every week?

Oh, wow. Yeah. So is it? Yeah. Yeah, I saw you two trying to be like. We two? Yeah, mostly sports. What did we say?

You tried to make me look bad. I did. How? When I was actually being, you were like, oh, he doesn't know when to show. I was actually. I was not doing that thing. No, it was you. No, I didn't.

Yes, you did. I said, I'm a fan. Yes, you did. No, no, no, no, no. Play the clip. I did not. Play the clip and tell me whether you were coming across as a jerk. And it's like I was literally trying to schedule it as best I could,

not on top of anything. I appreciate it. TJ, before you play the flip, make sure that I, in fact, was. No, then. I don't think I did. You didn't go at me. It wasn't Mark. It was you.

Yeah, it could have been. It could have been. There's no way. There's no way. No, it was you. It was you. You were being a dick, and I was being nice. Oh, I'm sorry for being a dick to you.

Yeah, you should. Why would you be a dick to sorry for being a dick to you. Yeah, you should. Why would you be a dick to me? Literally, not to go to a cool club, you have no life. I was happy as fuck in Mississippi. Dave, why did you stop? I was happy as fuck. You're making a lot of money. Dave, why did you stop sending him to Michigan?

I'm like, I'm out of here. I'm still coming. I got distracted. All right. But my question is, are you going to- By the way, Ohio State? Yeah. Phil O'Brien.

Looking good. He's leaving. That is the biggest slap in the face I've ever seen. Hold on. So you're clowning us for hiring him and then clowning for him leaving. I've been clowning you for hiring him. I mean, the whole world did when we hired Bill O'Brien. No, I think it's funny that your offensive coordinator stayed for a week.

At least he never lost to Michigan. But the question is, are you going to have people from Barstool come on to hash out their shit, or is it just going to be you guys talking about it? No, I think we probably will. Yeah. Yeah, I assume. Like cold court kind of? Yeah. I mean, Minahan's crew, for better or for worse,

are running it. I think that's for better. It's going to create some great content. Yeah, so... Do you know the Bill O'Brien stat, Dave? That's crazy. Bill O'Brien spent eight total years working for either Bill Belichick or Nick Saban, and he never won a Super Bowl or a national championship. It's insane.

It's almost impossible. That's good for us. Yeah. He's due. Is he taking the Boston College job? Is that what he's doing? Yeah, he might be. Is he gone or not?

Seems like it is. It is going to be good. It sounds like it is. Yeah. Buckeyes are loading up, though. Who cares? You've got to play the game. I mean, you've got to look at the guys that they –

I'm just saying. We'll look at who they lost. We're on the next year. We're just looking at the rear view at this point, Dave. The guys who they've had and haven't won with is the same. All right. All right. I'm going to go – I've got to go do an interview.

You guys just spin the wheel and do another 15 minutes of Yak. Okay. Yeah. Spin the wheel, TJ. Spin the wheel. Thank you, Dave. What subjects are there? Are there anything? Drake's dick.

Yeah, huge. Subjects. Yeah. I don't understand. I have Toby Keith. There was an NFL player allegedly attacked by a coyote. What? Yeah.

Was that out here? Yeah. What'sote? What? Yeah. Was that out here? Yeah. What's Mike? What was Mike telling me? Well, he didn't want you to walk in on the act. Crazy. All right. I'm going to run because I've got to do an interview.

All right. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Or I'll see you guys later this afternoon. By the way, these are selling like hotcakes. Those are sick. All right. Dave, how do you think Hank's going to do a comedy hour tonight? You know what?

I'm not psyched about that either. Yeah, he's got some stories about us, I think. Oh, I don't even know that. I don't think I'm going, but it's like you got him doing that. He's a suit now. Like we got things he's got to be doing, and all he cares about is comedy act. Well, he lost. It was a bet.

It was a year-long bet. I think he forgets he's a suit. I don't even know. He golfs and does stand-up. That was Dave's once-a-month appearance on the act. Yeah, it is. I'll see you guys later. Spin the wheel, and we'll keep going.

Nick, do the last act, please. Oh, yeah. Somebody do the man shit. We did it all. I texted it to you, Nick. Oh, you texted it to me. We did them all. Nope. One more. One more, Nick. Oh, you texted it to me. We did them all. Nope, one more.

One more. One more. Sorry. It's okay. Boys. Yes. Damn, KB, you threw fucking Brandon under the bus, dude. That was fucking whack.

I would never do some shit. Boys, boys, boys. New sponsor alert. I think everybody over there thinks the yak is over. Yeah. New sponsor alert. We got Ashley. Ashley has mad quality stuff.

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I just got a bunch of furniture from Ashley. Yeah? From my house. That's where you put furniture, though. I had a couch from Ashley on my last couch, my favorite couch. This wonderful couch right here is, I'm sure, from Ashley. How's your puppy dog? How's your puppy dog?

Yeah. Fantastic. Growing every day. Very happy for you. She was a bit of a klutz. She is. She takes after her daddy. What's her name? Josie. Josie. See, that goes to my theory that if you want to name a girl dog, it's easy. Just any name that ends in I-E or Y.

Yes. Any name that ends in I-E or Y. I didn't consider any names that were two-syllable also because... You can also do a sweet treat. We've said this. Yeah, but Josie is perfect. Easy. Oh, that's E-Y still.

Ashley. Ashley. I would call it Ashley. Like the furniture. I'd be fine with it. What if that's not his name? Why would you call it Ashley? I could name it, though.

Oh. Dogs I've also heard only know the first syllable of their name. That doesn't seem right. It seems like the Lee would be something that the dog would... The Lee is like a dressing. It's like a... So Jesse would just hear Joss. Joss. Joss. And that's what gets it going. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That first initial... I've heard. I could be talking out of my ass, though. It could be up to the emphasis. But you were wrestling with that dog, Kyle. Of course. So were you, Nicholas. I loved a rough house. Guys, if you could keep it that dog, Kyle. Of course. So were you, Nicholas. Just keep it. Oh, yeah.

I loved it. I loved the Rump House. Guys, if you could keep it down a little bit. Yeah, let's keep it down there. Oh, yeah. They're talking over there. Dan told us to keep going and then went over there and just started everybody to talk. We're distracting them.

He's a notoriously quiet talker. Yeah. I think we shut it down. It seems like, yeah. It's party time over there. We're having fun. It's party time over there. They're probably having raisin canes.

They're probably sucking down the trinoids. I think we either shut it down or we just keep going for a few more hours. We take a whack of that. I'll go for a few more hours. What's your boys' schedule today? Talk to me. Nap time? Nap time for the sports?

I'm going to Hank's thing. I want to go, but there's also a lot of language. It's like very limited room. I'm going. They're telling us not to go. You going? They kind of did tell us not to go, but I'm trying to get of language. It's like very limited room. I'm going. They're telling us not to go. You going? They kind of did tell us not to go, but I'm trying to get a read of like, is this a trap? I'm riding the gondola with Brandon.

I'm taking my wife out. Yeah. I might do the same. Take his wife out? Take his wife out, yeah. I'm going to take her out. Hold on real quick. Say that again?

Yeah, I'm going to go get married, but let's end the show. All right, cool. All right. That's the show. We're going to But let's end the show. All right, cool. All right. That's the show. We're going to go ahead and end the show. That's the act. Wheel. Wheel.

We didn't do the wheel? Oh, no. I thought we did it. No. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. My mistake. Go with the wheel. Spin it.

Did we bring mousetraps? I'm sure we can get Oh fuck I told you Because you guys didn't let me get the head Of course There's a pool I told you not to take the fucking head You have to go

Yeah you should have left You did say that Do we have to do the pool? Doesn. You have to go. Yeah, you should have left. You did say that. Yes. Do we have to do the pool? Doesn't Dave have to get on the wheel? Yes. Unfortunately, yes. Don't do it.

No. Hank, too. Hank. Hank. Liam's dad. Liam's dad. Liam's brother. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. If it happens, I will get wet to start tomorrow's show and stay wet. Brandon, why don't you put your name on twice for Dave? Alright, let's go. No. Alright, let's spin this. You guys ate the fucking head.

It wasn't us. You put yourself on the wheel. I didn't say put me on the wheel. You didn't say take yourself off the wheel. I think you literally said... Luckily, there's a pool right out back. I think it's warm water, at least.

No, it ain't. Is it not? No, we were splish-flashing yesterday. It was a hot tub. Hot tub's not on. Fuck. Give me a second.

You making another sandwich? Is that good? It's sublime. I have the bottom sauce. All right, so we got Brandon, Big Cat, Nick, Hank, Dave, Liam's dad,

Roan, Mark. Okay, we got everybody. Austin would do it for Dave. Birthday boy Austin. Yeah. Who else was on? Someone else surely would have been on. Dave, you're on the wet wheel.

I'm sure he heard me. Why are you doing that? What? Huh? Oh, he's taking a picture with somebody. Oh, boy. All right, spin it. Austin, come over here real quick.

Yeah. Dave's on the wet wheel. Somebody's going to have to do it for Dave if he gets wet. Happy belated birthday. Happy birthday. How old? You look great. All right.

Dave, you're in luck, brother. He would have done it, too. He was definitely going to do it. Hey, who do you think had the best job that he gave us? I think writing for an F-level comedy is kind of nice. This was nice. That's nice. That's like kind of an admirable profession.

No. Unbelievable. This is all. It all started with Nick. I tried to stop you guys. I tried to stop you guys. Very job. If you would have just eaten the head, I think we would have been good.

You wouldn't have wanted that. You would have had to have been on my asshole all week. Unbelievable. Here we go, Kyle. I love you, man. I love you. Oh, this is rich. Of course, big cat.

Titus, you celebrated too early. Yeah, that was a preemptive fist pump. Every time it hits wet, it's me anyway. Oh, my God, yeah, it is. It is every time. That's a fact. Not when I'm around, brother. TJ.

Blutman. Blutman's still here? They might have left. No, he's right there. He knows? Well, he ain't getting it. He brought us a gift. There's no way this happens.

Oh, there he goes. There he goes, too. Mark, you're in a nice light wash today. It's a good piss and pants. Bathtub. I mean, there's everything. Showers, bathtubs, saunas. You can get it from the inside.

Think of the landfill. You don't jump in the pool. Yep. This makes the land This makes sense Tradition how am I gonna walk back through because we're gonna walk back to the casino. Oh, yeah How could you possibly can't be wet in a casino? Fuck you take it off What a rush god I needed that what a rush you did, I needed that. What a rush. You did. I needed that.

I was just saying this morning how badly I needed to stay dry. Is there a change of clothes here? It's so important to my plans. Is there any, like... Not here. Not here, brother. I love this bar. It's my kind of place.

Hey, man, I hope it's me. I could take a pinch. Your own shoes are already off. I could take a pinch. I'm, like, sl hope it's me. I could take a pinch. Your own shoes are already off. I could take a pinch. I'm like Slane in The Town. Or somebody wearing not green on St. Patrick's Day. Very nice. You know?

If you know, you know. All right, one for Brandon. All right, no pissing. It's over. Brandon's going to win. All right, no pissing. It's over. Brandon's going to win. So wait, so what happened? It lands on, so you don't have to piss yourself. Sweeps a piss.

No, I'll sweep a piss. You still might have to piss yourself if it hits three, Brandon. I'm ready. If it hits two more, Brandon. You're in piss territory. You're in piss. I'm on piss watch. But you got on black pants.

Yeah. But I know where my dick is. We'll have to switch pants. You'll have to piss my pants. I wouldn't dick. We're in piss territory. We're in piss territory. We're one spin away from me pissing my pants.

Yeah. One more for piss? Oh, no. Is it one more for piss? Yeah. I'd almost rather piss than go full pool. I kind of agree with you. Yeah.

No piss. You should have said that. 3-1 lead for Brandon. It's always wrong. Brandon. 3-2 lead for Brandon. Wow. Reverse sweeps are shit.

So is there a camera that can follow me out? No! All right. We've got plenty of cameras here. Is that a card? What? Trident? Trident white.

I'm going to enjoy myself. Yeah. Wait, get some pool water in your mouth. It'll be so cold. There he goes. There he goes. The long, slow walk. Y'all sure that even the hot tub out there is not warm?

No, it's not warm. Huh. It's a shame we're not outside because it's a beautiful property. I know. I like this house as much as last year's house oh is it raining that hard in neighborhood that's right a hard huh look that's where all the plan was the fun was planned but now we can't do no fun the gates open he's No fun. The gate's open.

He's going to go to the deep end of the pole. No. He's walking right off this bulge. Oh, he should jump through the field goal. No. Is he going up to the grotto? Oh, he's going up as high as he can get. To the grotto.

Good for him. Okay. Oh, it's awesome. It's awesome every time. Roan can't swim. Oh, man. Yeah. Oh.

That was good. Is he wet enough? Yeah, I think he is. Oh, that's where the towel is. There's a towel to dry off your pants. Dry off your entire wardrobe that's wet. Damn. We were so wet. Damn. We were so close. Yeah.

Making it out unscathed. That's the first wet in a while. Yeah, it is. It is. We haven't had one in the office. Was Kyle the last one when you slipped? That was a couple months ago. And he passes through everybody.

Nobody. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody notices. All right. Wet. That was great. Oh.

Come on. Come on. Oh, no. Fuck you. Now I'm pissed alright TJ shut her down that's for breakfast

that's for breakfast you can't just take the turtle cake alright that's the. That's a yak. That's a yak. That's a yak. That's a yak. We'll be right back. bye hank show tonight i'll see you there if you're there love you bye