The Yak - The Walker Household REFUSES To Recognize Halloween | The Yak 9-14-21

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

So long big catYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right. It's the Yak. You'll notice Big Cat and Roan aren't here. You may have also noticed that the show was taken down yesterday. I'll let you guys connect the dots. Big Cat's not here today. The show was taken down yesterday.

Big Cat is suspended officially from the higher-ups. I personally don't agree with this one, but who am I to say? It was actually from the higher-ups. I personally don't agree with this one, but who am I to say? It was actually from the higher-ups. It was Lil Sasquatch that suspended Big Cat. It had to be done. What did he do again? Big Cat? A rape joke?

Yeah. No, that was me. So they took down the thing that we weren't allowed to say, and then they kept in your line of, you can't be raped when you're sitting down. Don't incriminate me. Which is a funny joke. But if you're already taking things down, you probably need to go ahead and catch that one too.

I mean, if you're cutting things, take out you can't be raped sitting down. Fool me once. Owen, you look cool today. Thank you. Yep. Kyle. KB. What's up?

How was Machine Gun Kelly? How was Coulson yesterday? You were the oldest person there by 10 years. Probably three. Three years? I thought I could handle it. I thought it would be fun, sober. I enjoy his music.

No. I caught a quasi be fun, sober. I enjoy his music. No. I caught a quasi-buzz from a Zin pouch and then twitched my clavicles to the beat while my feet were firmly planted the whole time. And it got a very light shoulder shimmy. When you're sober around drunk people, you're very self-conscious. A sober MGK concert.

About your body language. So you didn't shake? You didn't groove? I didn't groove. When you're sober around drunk people, you're very self-conscious. A sober MGK concept. About your body language. So you didn't shake, you didn't groove. I didn't groove. I feel like a ghost write for him, though. Yeah, like how? Well, all of his lyrics are about suffering from depression in an extreme way. I remember it was three years ago.

We were hanging out. I'm suicidal., choke on my rifle Kick flip off the eiffel Did you just write that? Yeah, see yeah that's good And I remember it was like three years ago We were hanging out January or February, I was like

Do you have any plans for the holiday? And you were like what holiday? I said Valentine's Day And you were like I have a bloody Valentine I was like what? And you were like you don't get it and then lo and behold he actually didn't that's the one song he didn't play that's your favorite by far i know why did he play that it started raining oh called it didn't stop the goo goo dolls i know legendary were there a lot of a ton of people there it was pretty crowded yeah rob yeah. Robbie Fox was there. He was. He was.

Did you see him? No. He said he saw me and didn't do anything. That's what I'd do. I said, I respect that move. What are we going to do? That happens to me. I see Dukes every time I step out.

Yeah, I see Dukes a lot. I've never once said anything. And I'll be like, yo, I saw you this weekend. He was like, what? You didn't say anything? I was like, fuck no. Dukes, no. No, no, no. I think I would always say something. No, you wouldn't.

Nah, I wouldn't. I don't see any of y'all. I'm in Jersey. You're in New York. That's right. That's fact. Except you're going to be moving to the big city. Am I? I thought that's what the wife wanted. She wants that, but I've stopped that. I've played defense on that like twice.

No, this is the perfect city to raise five children. Wait, wait, wait. You all share one bedroom. Why does the old lady have that desire? She wants the kids to have the life experience of living a year in Manhattan or New York. Why? I don't know. She thinks it's a neat story.

And it is. But I'm against it. We've got to have a yard. I've got to be able to pee outside. Peeing outside is awesome. One year. She says let's do it for a year and then we'll go home to Mississippi.

Why don't you get an Airbnb for like a month here? Why don't you try maybe a weekend? Have you ever even done that? You have to stay a weekend. Have you ever brought your kids to the city to see if maybe they like it? We've been to the city many times. We've never stayed overnight. Would you want

your kids taking the subway when they're 10 years old? Tommy would do cocaine. Tommy would do cocaine. Tommy would be causing chaos. He would sell M&M's on the subway. Tommy would do cocaine. Tommy would be causing chaos. He would sell M&Ms on the subway. He would. Best friends with Dukes.

I think it would be fine, but we're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're staying in Jersey or maybe even going to Connecticut. I don't know. You know what? Why don't you do a weekend in the city this weekend? You'd really go to Connecticut? Yeah, I think so.

It's easy in, easy out, right, Owen? Yeah, so I think so. This's easy in, easy out, right, Owen? Yeah, so I think so. This weekend? I can't this weekend. Is this the new security? Is this the guy that... Yeah, I don't want to weird y'all out, but he's much smaller, and he stares much harder. Yeah, he...

When he looks up, he stares harder. But he's been on the phone with comms. See what I'm saying? The Tony Ramos of security guards. Don't laugh, because you don't know who that is. I assume that should be funny. Have the cadence of a joke. Every security guard we have

looks very related to you, Kyle. The guy yesterday looks like your dad. Looks like he would be your dad. We behave like a father and son. Interchangeable. Sometimes I'm the dad. It's daddy play. You guys, even off camera, you go up and you just wrestle with him.

We do. That's a bond. Is it? Is he a wrestler? No. He's dad strength. It brings us together. The not gentle touch, aggressive touch brings two men together.

How long have you been into roughhousing? Who doesn't like roughhousing? I don't particularly like roughhousing. That's why Sass Morgan boys become boys. No, I don't like being ruffled. Sass hates it, you hate it, Owen likes it. Owen does. Owen's obsessed.

It's awesome. I'm always looking over at Owen. He's getting into some sort of skirmish. Whenever we were in Michigan, I would just make you beat the shit out of me. I loved it. You loved it. You were having the time of your life, and you were getting your ass kicked. Yeah.

So are you going to bond with this one, or is it just the one guy you've bonded with that you wanted to bond with? This guy doesn't look like he wants to bond. This guy, he's now holding a bat. Should we grab him? Try him. Try him, KB. What do you mean, try him?

Try him. Try the other guy. Go try him. He knows he has the back of his shirt. What? He's new to your block. You've got to test him out. What do you mean, try him? What do you want me to do Go try him. Go try the other guy. Go try him. He knows he has the back of his shirt. What? He's new to your block. You've got to test him out. What do you mean try?

What do you want me to do? Go start a wrestling match. Go down. I've never spoken to him. Grab his phone from his pocket. Pop your ass up. Bring it in here. Go ask him if he has a gun.

No. You're the one that vets the security guards. You're the most dangerous man in the office. No. We can get him in, chat. All right. Is it colder than normal in here? I think it's league average.

It might be a degree or two colder. It's usually pretty cold in here. Oh, and you've been fiddling with the chewy. Eat the chewy. No. I'm going to save it. He's already eaten one. That's the second chewy.

That's your second chewy? Oh, never mind then. No man needs two. Who's he on the phone with? I don't know. He might be listening to that. Can we just say his legs are too short to be a good security guard? What are you talking about?

No, that's good. That's good. Assailants go for legs. He's good. I don't know, man. To me, he's long torso, short legs. Do you think Barry Sanders would be a good security guard? He's evasive, but is he good enough?

You don't want an evasive security guard. Would Barry Sanders have been a great tackler? He was great at evading tackles. Yes. He'd be a great assailant. He could break in here. The thing is, 90% of security is based off of pure intimidation and looks. Yeah.

And we have people walking around that look like they just got out of like a business meeting. They're business casual security guards. They need to at least have something that like lets people know that they are. Like if they just had like a little security badge maybe. I want him in a crow's nest. Right in the lobby up high. Yeah.

Maybe with a scoped rifle. We're exposed right now. We are exposed. We are. Nobody else left. It doesn't even need to be a real rifle. It just has to look like a rifle. Yeah. It could be a rifle with no bullets. But it does need, it kind even need to be a real rifle. It just has to look like a rifle. Yeah.

It could be a rifle with no bullets. But it kind of needs to be a real rifle, too. Does it? Yeah. I think so. If the first thing you see is a crow's nest with a man in business cash pointing a rifle at you, you're not trying shit. Like in every single heist movie, they always are trying to figure out how to take out security. Yeah.

In this scenario, they would just walk right in. And I'd argue that in heist movies, the guy with the rifle, they don't shoot him in that. They always get taken out by like... What would a heist planner get at Barstool? A couple sweatshirts? I don't know. They're divvying up Answer the Internet cards. How much do you think the original mailbox would be worth?

Nothing. $100? Whatever a mailbox like that is worth standard. Whatever it is worth. $50 maybe? Yeah. $50 million or the barstool original mailbox.

Dinner with the barstool original mailbox. But really, they need something. Like a taser. Anything. Some pepper spray. He's got a gun, right? Yeah, they got guns. No, they do not.

They do. Where is the gun? Usually tucked in their back pocket. No way. That guy's wearing well-fitted clothing. You'd see the gun bulge. Trust me. He has a cute little gun.

They know how to make it look like they don't have a gun. Enrique. I'm telling you they got guns. Enrique's high off the Met. Oh, shit. Yeah. Uh-huh. Did you guys hear the...

Did you guys see the Grimes interview? And she was wearing this mask, this metal mask, and you couldn't understand a word she was saying. She literally sounded like a more muffled version of Bane. But it was Grimes. Yeah. A lot of antics at that shit. There is a lot of antics. What was the theme this year?

Antics. Antics. Was it? They all year? Antics. Antics. Was it? They all understood the assignment, in my opinion. In my opinion. I saw a picture of... If you looked at any tweet about the Met Gala, all of the replies would just be fan cams

for people from BTS or any other thing. And there was one of Addison Rae, and she was wearing a red dress, and all the BTS fans were like, she's serving Republican? Maybe she was. I know. Maybe she was.

I just got a text from a random number that says, who is this? Did you answer? I said, who is this? So now we're in a standoff. Call them. I've gotten ones like that, and they'll be like, who is this did you answer i said who is this so now we're in a we're in a standoff call them i've i've gotten ones like that and i'll be like who is this and i'll be like how did you get this number or something like that and they'll be like oh my god it really is you yeah yuck shit that's yeah any of you guys ever been maced?

No, I haven't. Pepper sprayed? Enrique. Enrique. He doesn't. He's on a mission? He's on a mission. No, I've never been maced, but I feel like it would not be fun.

That's a fair thought. They used to have mock riots at the penitentiary, Nick. Yeah, I know. You could choose. You could sign up for the mock riot. You could choose to be a cop or somebody breaking out of the jail. Really? Yeah. I think you got maced regardless, right? Yes. You had to be maced sign up for the mock riot. You could choose to be a cop or somebody breaking out of the jail. Really? Yeah. I think you got maced regardless, right?

Yes. You had to be maced if you wanted to partake. It was like, all right, too many people want to be in the mock riot. It's like, you've got to earn it. It was like a badge of honor to do that. It was like, yeah, cool. Cool. Awesome, man.

You've got a red face now. Was it like a training thing? No. It was like, you know how there's Civil War reenactments? Yeah. This was like a prison riot reenactment. Oh, wow. There was like a, when I was younger, there was like a school shooting drill, like reenactment type thing at our school.

But like you could sign up for it and get like community service hours. Reenactments doesn't sound like the right word. It was like a, like an act, like it was like a. Was it a practice or was it like. It was scary. It was like a training. It was like a training drill drill like for the police officers. Okay.

I thought they like assigned kids to teams just like, all right, you, here's your overcoat. Yeah. It was someone I knew did it and they said it was like really weird. Yeah, like they had fun. All right. I can get behind this. Like some people had to get like, they had to like sign waivers and stuff so they could get like shot by like paintballs.

Really? Yeah. Did you have to like lay on the ground? Yeah. They had to like lay on the ground and people had to like usevers and stuff so they could get shot by paintballs. Really? Did you have to lay on the ground? Yeah. They had to lay on the ground and people had to use their body as protection and stuff. I think with the yak, we should sign up to do a Civil War reenactment. It'll be six versus one. You've got to wake up way too early in the morning.

Nothing bores me more. What are you talking about? You've got to wake up so early. I would love to do that. The clothes are hot. Thank you. That would be so fun. Let's do it about? I'm going to wake up so early. I would love to do that. The clothes are hot. Thank you. That would be so fun. The clothes are hot.

Let's do it. Yeah, that would be hilarious, too. Yes. That would be like one of the best pieces of content we'll ever make. You know, if we were to do a Civil War reenactment. Sass and I are doing a video. If we were to do a Civil War reenactment, you are the closest to looking like a Civil War soldier. Yeah.

He kind of does. I do. Yeah. Thank you. I look like a soldier. The soldiers back then before the soldiers back then looked like the like every yeah no i hate that like people when they watch like um shows that are like lord of the rings fantasy style like oh if i could be like back in that medieval time like you wouldn't the chances are you'd die you would have dysentery i'd be a cobbler, I think.

I'd be making shoes. Isn't it one of those things that people are really into, though? You couldn't go to that and be joking around. Did you ever see there was an early Eric Andre sketch where he broke into one as a slave? Oh, no. He's just naturally laying around. I think I would have been. It was in the new season of Curb, too.

Was it? Yeah. I would have been a guy that a dominant soldier or a dominant warrior kills early in medieval times. Like, I'm big. He would kill me to establish dominance over the rest of the tribe or the, whatever, the village. Yeah, you die early on. I'd die quickly, yeah. I would have died at 14.

Yeah. That's not that early. That's middle-aged back then. You would have had, like, eight kids. Yeah. Yeah. Would have been a hell of a time. You would have had like eight kids. Yeah. Would have been a hell of a time. It would have been a hell of a time.

That was awesome. I mean, there are perks to living back then. Oh, yeah. I bet pussy smelled awful, though. What? But everything smelled awful. So, like, you wouldn't know. Probably, honestly, didn't.

Because everything you were eating was like natural and... The cocaine. The Aztecs were off the purest cocaine. They never had a dull moment. They were always happy even when they were sacrificed. Everyone was just drinking always. They were always boozed up. I bet everybody's breath was bad. You probably always had a cavity.

Yeah, but I bet it wasn't. You know how when you don't shower for a certain amount of time, like, your hair stops getting greasy? Like, if you don't wash your hair. Yeah, your, like, oils balance out. Yeah. I'm sure everyone was very well balanced. Yeah. I mean, people weren't brown teeth.

I think you're, like, sweaty. The teeth were probably bad. Teeth were bad, and you bring up a point with, like, the pussy. Like, everybody wanted a girl whose pussy hardly reeked. Pussies and asses smelled terrible all the time i mean so do cock and balls yeah yeah what about yeah what are you trying to say i guess all cock and balls have less crevice like you can clean them i'd imagine better back then still to this day what do you clean them with water and water existed they had water one time my dad had like really bad poison ivy on his arm. Feminine. Yeah, it is feminine.

And for some reason, he thought the... He had it for a while, it wasn't going away, and he went to the ocean, and he swam in the ocean thinking he could clean it, and then he took sand, and he just rubbed it all on his poison ivy, thinking it would help, and it just made it 10,000 times worse. He had to go to the hospital. You grew up rich. Why didn't he

just go to the doctor? I have no idea. I remember when I got poison ivy real bad as a child, as a young boy. As a young boy. I remember the crawdad rednecks always told me to put cement on it. Yeah. Jesus. Dry it out. Yeah, like wet cement. Cement men

are people that work in the cement industry. We could go on and on for days. I'd like to get an explanation of the term crawdad rednecks. The breed of rednecks who... Because I know them. I just want to see what yours is. The breed of rednecks,

they have something off about them because they love to hunt crawfish. They do, for bait. And all you do is just go to a muddy ditch and it's just... No, they go to the creek late at night. It has to be well past dark and just turn over rocks

and catch them for the fun of it. Have you ever gotten poison ivy on your face? I've gotten poison sumac in my butt rack. Like, actual. Yeah, I got poison sumac

on my... on this side of my face. How? Just, like, one summer I had a job landscaping and I, uh... My job was... Like, the guy who we were doing

he was like, are any of you guys not allergic to poison ivy? And I was like, yeah, I'm not. And, i uh my job was the like the guy who we were doing he was like are any of you guys not allergic to poison ivy and i was like yeah i'm not and uh my job was i had a machete and i just had to like cut these vines with like poison ivy on them to like kill them from the roots and that summer i just had poison ivy for like four months straight it was on my it was on my dick like crazy here's your face and your dick. My dick literally looked like one of those nerds ropes. Yeah. Couldn't jerk off for like three months and then one day I just gave in and I jerked off with the

poison ivy cream. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do. Were you good with a machete? I was perfect with it. Summer jobs gave dangerous jobs to regular people. Yeah, kids. Kyle, I don't know

if we can say this like your family a side of your family owns a pretty successful like demo company yeah and cement company and you were working you were operating heavy machinery as a sophomore in high school yeah i was taking the what is it the front end loader with the concrete mix up a ramp and i was just i thought was going to die every time. I don't know how to use this. No, and they would just have to do it. People, blue collar people in manual labor, they love talking down to you for not knowing the jargon

that they have been using and doing for decades. Poor people love putting kids in dangerous positions. Yeah, they do. They love having them. Yeah. I got scabies on my dick once. Yeah, they do. They love having them. Yeah. I got scabies on my dick once. I got scabies on my dick once. How did you all get these things on your dick?

My dick looked like one of those nerds. Yeah. Just one nerd. I mean, it makes sense to get it on your dick, especially when you're young, because you wake up early. Especially when you're young. Yeah, you wake up early, you go, you do the poison ivy, ivy cut it all down and then you go home and the first thing you do is jerk off just because hormones naturally and then you rub the poison ivy juices all over your penis do parents know when kids are jerking off because i always thought i was sly but i don't think no

i always thought i was sly and i wasn't making any sort of noise or anything. But then as soon as you finish, as soon as you come, you're like, oh, everyone in the family must have just heard what was going on up here. Just the sheets rustling around. Didn't you say your first time was with the door wide open? Yeah. You did say that. I was in sixth grade. If it weren't for the PlayStation Portable, the PSP, I don't think I would have ever jerked off.

Ultimate. I was the one. And then until college, I thought photos were better than videos, porn-wise. I'm back. I regressed back. Don't you still say that? No, I'm a gif man now. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Just like on Twitter?

No, no. There's like subreddits. My new favorite subreddit is meth. It's just people, they post videos of themselves just smoking meth. I like that one. Everyone's like, hell yeah. Have you been to the cigarette subreddit? Yeah. They are horny.

Because whenever a girl smokes, they're just like, oh. The meth people are the horniest. Can we pull up a bar slash meth? There's like meth thoughts. Like you mean T-H-O-T-S? Yes. Like thirst trap meth users. Really?

Yeah, it's insane. Do they have teeth? It's harrowing. Oh, they have shitty teeth. They pose with meth? They just take sexy videos of themselves smoking meth. Do they look like anorexic or whatever? Oh, and that's the worst part.

They're fat, which is hard. That's the worst part? Wait, that's the worst part? Yes. You're doing meth. The silver lining is you'll be skinny. Right. So what's the deal?

What are you doing? It's a high caloric meth. I guess when you do meth like you just get outrageously horny and just viciously jerk off for not not no exaggeration like eight hours yeah isn't that there's that really old tweet that you like that's like their paradise yeah i remember seeing that when i was younger that some dude like did meth and jerked off and like the skin on his hand like peeled off because he was jerking off for so long. Oh, the hand. His hand. His dick skin outlasted his hand.

Shit. It very easily could have been fake. You've got to be a real deviant to have tougher dick skin than hand skin. What are you doing? How are you training that? Just like slapping it into sand like a karate expert. Did that guy ever respond?

Dave's wearing the kicks that I bought two years ago. Club C's? I don't know. Yeah, it's over. He said, who is this? I said, who is this? He said, you called me. I said, incorrect.

He said, I, whatever. I said, okay, bye. So that was it. Six, seven, eight area code. What is that? That's Atlanta. Or that's Northwest Atlanta. It's, okay, bye. That was it. 678 area code. What is that? That's Atlanta. That's Northwest Atlanta. It's the same as mine. Somebody called him and when he called it back he must have had the wrong number because I did not call him.

Northwest Atlanta. Kennesaw. Ackworth. Cartersville. Maybe even Marietta. When should I stop using? I mean, yesterday. I have a rule.

I never let myself go more than two nights without sleep. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. Dude, it's awesome. That's how I... We can't just read that? I'd like to just go... There's some...

Okay, yeah. Something that I never understood about Breaking Bad was I feel like they didn't really like make it very accurate at like how addicting meth was with like Jesse. Or how debilitating it was. sex symbol.

Yeah, Jesse would like take a, he would smoke meth and then just like go do something. Go food shopping. Yeah. Or just like normal stuff.

Yeah, that was like the one part I didn't really get. They said, I don't think it is debilitating. Making his teeth, his teeth were perfect.

Yeah. I think it is. I think they, that's like, there's functioning meth users who do the meth and they go about their day. No, I know, but he wasn't supposed to be a functioning user. He was supposed to be addicted and killing himself. The night we discovered my dad was on meth, he went out in the yard and it was like, and he was on the roof of our barn putting a new roof on it. Yes, they like doing labor. They like doing cleaning, manual labor.

He started getting into potting plants, and he had plants all over the house and all over the yard. And he painted the roof of the barn silver. Nobody wanted it silver. Did meth make him a better dad? Did it make make a better dad uh no significantly worse but it was it was interesting it was because you think they they you think a meth user is like lazy or you think that like a drug user could be lazy or they can have these tendencies but really it just turned him into the most productive member of the only

downfall of meth users is that they lose money and they're poor and they resort to stealing and robbing. Crime, yeah. But if you're rich, like Hunter Biden, he probably had a productive as hell life. So you think meth should be the drug of the wealthy? It should be. Didn't Hitler do meth? Yeah.

He was wealthy. I didn't know meth as we know meth existed back then. Oh, yeah. I thought we created meth like we know meth existed back then. Oh, yeah. I thought we created meth, like, recently. No, that was their, like, secret weapon. They were all just cooked out on meth. Huh. I don't know if I ever knew anyone that did meth.

Like, it was always, like, when I... Probably not. You're from... Well, where I was from, it was, like, all heroin. Like, anyone that was, like, on hard drugs, it would be heroin. I've never seen anybody do meth. I remember the first time I saw somebody smoking weed, I was like, oh shit, and then coke,

and then pills and shit, but I've never seen anybody do meth. Back home, we wouldn't know somebody was on meth. It's a bedroom activity, unless you're with other people who also do meth. A meth lab will just blow up on you, just explode on you, just fuck your guy's face up forever.

Well, a sloppy meth lab. Yeah, not one. Yeah, that happens a lot. Just fuck a guy's face up forever, yeah. Well, a sloppy meth lab. Yeah, not one. Hell, I want to try meth. Yeah. We should do it. Meth week? On the pod. We could do meth week.

We could. There's nothing stopping us. Where do you even get it? Is that Times Square? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. My neighbor used to do a lot of drugs, and it was crazy.

She would try and fight my mom. When I was younger, the police would be at our house every single day because of my neighbor. What's she doing now? Is she clean? I have no idea. There was a pretty intense... My neighbor delivered my Uber Eats one time. My next-door neighbor.

Really? Yeah. So you just went and grabbed it? He just knocked on the door and I was just like... That's convenient. Did you tip him?

No. You don't tip Uber Eats drivers. What? No, you're right. They make it up. Do you guys honestly don't do that? No, you have to.

Yeah. Oh, I was going to say. Yeah, you do have to. Yeah. Of course, I always get the lowest amount. Well, I mean, yes. Except I didn't realize until recently that if it's raining and you don't give a big enough tip, no one picks it up.

Really? Yeah. That's what happened to me. That's why I never got my food that one time. I waited three and a half hours for a steak salad on Sunday. I waited like six hours for wings. Also, you got to go in and make sure it's a fair amount because if it just does 20%, like 20% of a McDonald's order is not going to be enough. Right.

You know what I mean? Nah, it's plenty. All right. It's all relative. I was someone, I forget who I was listening to talk about it, but they were like, yeah, I'll just like do, because you know how you can do Uber Eats and just walk and pick it up? Yeah, I do were like, yeah, I'll just like do, cause like, you know how you can do like Uber Eats and just like walk and pick it up? Yeah.

I do that all the time. They'll just like, no, like, like, you know how Uber Eats for pickup. No, the delivery courier can walk. Yeah. You know what I'm, oh no, I order Grubhub for pickup all the time. No, they can walk. Yeah. Like you'll, you'll see like blah, blah, blah is walking.

The circle's barely moving. You're like, fuck, they're walking. No, but also sometimes they have walking because they don't want to register their car with Uber. And they'll drive even though it says walking. Yeah, I heard someone talking about it and they were saying that when they go walk somewhere, they go just do an Uber Eats thing on the way. It's just like easy money. Did you see, was it you that told me that Uber's cheaper if you go into the settings and say you're deaf?

Yeah. And Ubers are cheaper? Mm-hmm. Really? Some people have all the luck. Is it really? Yeah. How do you know that? There's so many theories. Now there's like a million options. You could have like need pet,

need second language speaking. Need pet? Like they just touch you the entire time? Yeah. There was one thing that people were saying, like, if you schedule your Uber, it's cheaper. That bag looks suspicious. Where's security? I think he's in the elevator bay. Also, you could pay for...

It's not a bay. Yeah, I think it's a bay. Okay. What are the options? That is a suspicious bag. Let's pull him in here. No, let's have him open his bag in here. I know that guy.

You know that guy? Yeah. Who is that? Do you know what's in his bag right now?, let's have him open his bag in here. I know that guy. You know that guy? Yeah. Who is that? Do you know what's in his bag right now? You know what's in his bag? Did you see him put whatever is in there in there? Today's a TSA episode. Brandon, grab him.

Grab him. Grab him. He's in the bag. No, but grab him. Did he check the bag? Did security check the bag? Che, is he a trustworthy man? Yep, known him for a few years.

Who is he? He won't say. His name's Zach. He works at Zooty, which is our CRM. Zooty? Zooty. Yeah. Zooty.

I think Brandon just left. What's on the prep sheet today? I think Brandon's snitching right now. I think Brandon is snitch What's on the prep sheet today? I think Brandon's snitching right now. I think Brandon is snitching. Any evidence submitted for a... The Frank trial? What's that noise going on? I think it's coming from back there.

The booth. Clean it up back there. It's not a mistake tj would make oh wait it is oh yeah he's oh yeah wait so do we do he change clothes he got more casual wait he got more casual how'd he do that how'd he change clothes also what is he that's a different guy or no no that's the same the same guy. Okay, so I said, did you check their bags? And he aggressively said, I'll do it right now. And started walking towards them.

I was like, I didn't actually want him to check the bags. No. Did he? He was about to check the bags. Oh, but you stopped him? And I stopped him from checking them. So he said, you're right, I should have. Mantis got his dick sucked.

Yeah, I was waiting for someone to bring it up For $8,400 Oh wow No there's two ways To look at it It was He talked about it On 10 grand Oh he said that he

Paid $8,400 Oh it's very public Yeah I saw the condom That he used You saw the condom I think I did I saw the dick

That he has He got a dick Yeah Have you seen his dick Oh yeah Wait what He got his dick sucked With a condom?

I don't know. I think that's how they have to do it in Vegas. Isn't it $8,400? He's staying at the... Do you see the penthouse he's staying at? No. It's incredible. He's staying at an incredible penthouse.

I don't blame him. It feels like $8,400. Get it out of the way. I mean, you should... Condom on blowjob. There's no word for never having a blowjob. He's still a virgin. I don't think it's a coverall. I don't think it's a blowjob. There's no word for never having a blowjob. Be still a virgin. I don't think it's a cover all.

I don't think it's like a one price. I think it's client based pricing. But if I'm spending $8,400, I feel like if I'm a virgin, I need to get some pussy. Yeah. Jack Mac also found the girl and it's $600 an hour. So that would mean Mantis had her for 14 hours. Oh, no. $8,400.

When I heard that I thought they were joking. I listened to like they did like a stream with his mom. What? Yeah it was Mantis, Blackjack, Fletcher and his mom. Yeah. But it's like the phone call would have worked with his mom. But I was like I thought they were joking when they said $8,400 at first. Did Blackjack get sucked on too? I'm sure. For $20,000.

The cowboy. The cowboy. Yeah you're sucking on the cowboy. That's the thing about the cowboy. If you're getting sucked so big. If you're wearing sequins, you're getting sucked. I don't know. What is the going rate? Paying $8,400 right now would significantly just ruin my life.

I don't think he paid $8,400. Someone probably funded it. Yeah, maybe. Again, that's just a wild amount of money for a blowjob. Brandon, you're a man that's gotten a blowjob. That's an amount of money that

doesn't make sense. You can't put yourself in the two differently sized shoes of Mantis. Why not $8,000 or nothing? There had to have been some sort of deal that went Why not $8,000 or nothing? There had to have been some sort of deal that went. Why $8,400? I would need to be able

to pick my own threesome of anyone in the world for $8,400. I don't even think I could perform paying for sex because I enjoy that I earned it.

Like $1,000 would be a lot. I deserved it. Yeah, that's what I get off on. Not the feel. Who here do you think can speak on the going rates, the culture of head Marty, Playboy Marty? Maybe Mincy. Glennie? Mincy's not here.

Glennie's not here. I don't know if Glennie's ever went that far. Maybe Playboy Marty. I don't think Playboy Marty has either. Playboy Marty talks to him, though. What? He just talks to them. I don't think he fucks the strippers.

No, but he's maybe sucked. No, he tries to save them. Oh, he does? Yeah, he tries to fix them. Yeah. But like $8,400. They're broken. That's like a semester at a public university.

Yeah. Guys that say they just talk to strippers, definitely fuck strippers. No, because he said he went out with a stripper one time and he didn't like it. What, Brandon? Don't worry about me. I just don't know what to eat. That was frustration over not knowing what to eat. You need to go.

That was a problem. That shouldn't happen. I don't know what to eat. You don't know what you want to eat. That's too much much maybe you're not hungry yeah no i'm starving that's the problem too hungry you're too hungry as the yes you should probably get a form of fried chicken and bread you know what i've been doing what i i work in new york yeah great food city i can get anything yeah i've i've been getting chick-fil-a four out of five days for the past three years for the past three or

four weeks you could be getting oxtails why don't you get poppies shit it's way better than chick-fil-a what's something what's the most new york thing you can get coke coke i don't know don't let me grind this thing down to nothing let's just whatever keep talking um we need somebody that can grab marty because i just need to know i never i never know where marty i don't know where marty is does he have a desk like i only see him oh wait he might be not in yeah because mince is doing the thing with big cat right now suspension oh yeah what are they oh yeah never mind suspended i think they're doing i don't think he's in mugsy jeans that's his punishment he has to wear the most comfortable jeans you can get.

Did we talk about Mincy doing suicides with the shock collar? Let's talk about him only eating sausage for this week. That seems like a miscalculation. He might have a heart attack. Yeah. I think because Billy is in the mindset where it's like, if you just don't eat carbs it's healthy yeah but like mince he's at an age where like you can't just be eating red meat yeah every single

meal sausage like Billy can but mince he can that's his week because I think keto works very well but it's it's just for appearance like you don't become healthy you just lose weight in your like face and stuff you lose a lot of fat, but it's literally ranked the least healthy diet in the world. Because it just destroys your organs. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. Because all you have is just high fat and no carbs.

Why? Are you trying to be keto, Brandon? I've tried it a couple times, but I just never stuck, shockingly. It works, though. Does the new security guard have a gun? I don't know. You don't know? We we got to figure out somehow i'm telling you guys they all have guns they all have a gun another carnivore diet is the worst which is basically what that's essentially what it is

yeah that is my keto diet is like up there too i think it's like third some joe rogan did the carnivore diet and then like a bunch of his followers did it and one of them had to like go to the hospital because he didn't shit for like a month. Did you see the drug Joe Rogan's taking to get over COVID? The horse dewormer. Ivermectin?

Yeah. A lot of people are. Apparently doctors are recommending it for people. Are they? I get all my news from podcasts, so anything I say could not be true. You get all your news from Tim Dillon, which none of it is true. But I did hear about the dewormer, and a lot of people are taking it.

Nick, Coors Light? I don't have it. Well, when you need to slow down, just open a Coors Light Mountain Cold Refreshment. Made to chill. It tastes great from Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado. Slow down and celebrate responsibly. Get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash take.

That was fast. Brandon? I went with something light. All right, good. What'd you get? Barbecue and smoked sausage sandwich that's like did the minty picture get you hungry yep okay yeah it made me hungry too i immediately searched sausage and uh i landed on what i wanted to eat so i'm happy good stuff sass pull out your

phone real quick distract yourself that game last night was crazy that was every time uh i forget the nfl is the best thing we got going in sports i have a game like that it was crazy the first quarter awful derrick carr looked bad and then something just happened he outplayed lamar jacks i don't know if i was i don't know if i'd want lamar jackson as my quarterback i don't think i would either because his great is is great but there's a lot of shitty there there's you can't have a franchise quarterback fumbling and and at the 30 your own 30 yard line in overtime you just can't do it and he made a lot of mistakes he kept the raiders in the game steven yes i figured you'd want to hop in oh i mean i would definitely take

lamar jackson my qb1 if we didn't have Tom Brady. Would you? Yeah. Yeah. Lamar Jackson. I mean, he's a young quarterback. It'll be interesting to see what his contract's going to be. Would you rather have him or Josh Allen? Josh Allen. Josh Allen.

It's not really fair. Why? Josh Allen's super talented, physically imposing, super strong arm. Now he's super accurate. Would you rather have him or Kyler? Kyler. That's what you're answering. Yeah.

Him or Dak? Dak. But, I mean, Lamar Jackson's still probably, you know, top ten. Him or Joe Burrow to start a franchise? Ooh. I mean, if we're taking everything into consideration, Joe Burrow because he's on a rookie deal. So I assume Herbert, obviously, too. Yeah.

I mean, he's going to be top 12, I think, Lamar. You keep moving back. Yeah. I mean, he's right in that range. If I had to take him or Russell. Jameis Winston. Lamar. If you had to take him or, you know, Russell Wilson, who's older,

or like, you know, an Aaron Rodgers or someone who's a little bit up there, I would definitely take Lamar, even though those guys are more talented. I think Russ is still, what's Russ, 33, 34? Yeah, but I mean, that's. Is he? Yeah, he's definitely in his 30s. Wait, how old is Matt Stafford? 36?

He's been in the – He was 2009, I believe. Yeah, he's been in the pros 12 years, so that's about right. So what's that, 34? He's a year older than Russ? I don't know what Russ is. Russ was 2011 at Wisconsin, I believe. I believe 2011. So he came in at 12. I believe. I believe 2011.

So, come in in 12. Russell Wilson's 32. Okay. Yeah, you definitely take Russell Wilson. Damn. That's five. You still got five top... No, I mean, Lamar would be in the conversation with Russell Wilson.

That's interesting. I'm into NFL age stats. Yeah? Yeah. Tom Brady's 44. You don't NFL age stats. Yeah? Yeah. Tom Brady's 44. You don't really have to debate. You can just figure out. Joe Mixon's always scary young.

Lamar is shockingly young, too. Yeah. Yeah. Lamar Jackson's younger than Burrow, I think, right? Musicians and athletes are always younger than you expect, and actors are always a lot older. I was shocked Joe Rogan 54. 54?

I would have could have told me anything. You could have said anywhere between 37 and 200. I was going to say 17 to 72. He was on MTV and NBC like 30 years ago. Yeah, and he had a full head of hair on his back. What do you think? You think that's too old? I thought it was old. Oh, really?

I would have said late 40s, mid 40s even. Because I just found out that Bill Burr is like 57 or something like that. He's the same age as Conan O'Brien. Yeah.

But he didn't get like, he didn't get like famous until he was like in his late 30s I think or mid 30s. Conan being old is going to be weird to me. He already is.

I know, but he's 50, he's whatever he is. But he's got, when he gets to like his 60s and his 70s, he's always like a fresh-faced boy. I disagree. You think he's built to be old?

I don't think he's ever looked like a young boy. When he came out, for 10 years, he looked very young. Yeah, but his persona has always been like an old man. He looks different than anybody else on the world. Yeah, I think he can rock the old. He can rock the old. I'm trying to think of somebody who I'll be shocked when they become old. The Rock?

No, because he can't really go gray. Yeah, he'll have a gray goatee. I've seen him with gray beard, I think. Yeah, maybe, yeah. But will he wither? I don't think he'll wither. He'll have to wither. You can't pee.

He might. He either won't or he will really bad. Because like steroids. Sure. No, because like steroids long term. If you let it all go, it's like you crumble. You think he's on steroids? The Rock?

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of them. At least he has been at some point. Definitely. Dude, it's like a fact. Okay, show me the fact. It's like a fact.

There's no way that he's not. It's like not possible to get that. I forgot. It's much like a fact in the sense that it's fact. Fact adjacent. I always make the mistake that I forget that Harry's opinions are facts. It's like there's no way that he isn't. He's too big.

He went from being like a normal dude to being like the whole thing. He was always big. He went from being a normal dude to being the Hulk. He was always big. He works out 16 hours a day. That always helps you do that. He's beyond the genetic possibilities. Is he half Samoan? Is he half Pacific Island? Yeah.

His mom was Samoan. Big people. Samoan's number one export is offensive linemen for USC. Professional wrestlers. Yeah. I think when Bieber gets old, that'll be... Samoans? The big people. Samoans, like, number one export is, like, offensive linemen for USC. Professional wrestlers, yeah. Yeah. I think when Bieber gets old, that'll be. Bieber's always, yeah, he's always been a boy, but he's still young.

Like, there's a long ways until he gets old. How old is he? He's still in his 20s, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's in his late 20s. Did you know Hannah Storm is 59? Really? Hannah Storm, yeah, still bringing the heat.

Inside the NBA was so, not inside the, what's she, what's. Damn, Bieber's only 27. What's the name of that? Inside Stuff? No, that still bringing the heat. Inside the NBA was so – not inside the – what was she – Damn, Bieber's only 27. Inside stuff? No, that was Willow Bay. Hannah Storm did it first. Hannah Storm did it for Willow Bay. Are you sure about that? Oh, buddy.

You didn't say yes or no there. You were tugging at the inside stuff? Oh, buddy. Hannah Storm did some inside stuff. Yes? Almost certainly. Speaking of did some inside stuff. Yes? Almost certainly. Speaking of being inside of stuff, Ad Read 2?

Is it Roman? Sport Clips. Damn it! Fuck! Fuck! Free ads. Oh, shit. That'll be docked right out of my bag.

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she cuts her hair. Sport clips, the pros in men's hair. I used to go to a sport clips. Still do. But I used to go to a sport clips still do um but i used to go to one in columbus um and i urban meyer yeah i think i told that on the act even i don't know but he would always the girls would always talk about how they like to press their tits against his back really why on the job they were telling you that yeah they were cutting theirs yeah we

press our tits violation yeah you're right the beaut HIPAA violation. Yeah, you're right. The beautician's code. Hairdressers are... I feel like a lot of them are on meth. Hairdressers? If you're an employed woman who's on meth, you're probably a hairstylist. Hairdresser. Every guy that owns a motorcycle has dated a beautician. Yeah.

Yeah. Yep. I actually have, like, very specific memories of, like, hairdressers talking about... Dante. It was the Don. Oh. Of hairdressers talking about their boyfriends' motorcycles. And every hairdresser has a rosary tattooed around their wrist or ankle. Yeah. I remember this one hairdresser telling me that her boyfriend had a motorcycle and he would never drive it.

So he would take the insurance off and then he would put it back on for like an hour and then just go drive it around can you put insurance on for one hour hourly insurance hey it's me again like to cancel that back from the ride hop off the hog cancel the insurance did you guys ever get a haircut during covid like when it was like like the like the heat of the height of covid yeah worst one i've ever had worst haircut I've had by a mile. Why is that? By a mile. So there's just patches of hair where the string of the mask was.

My hair, it was the worst haircut. They literally just combed my hair down and just went a straight line and then just didn't cut the back of my hair. I think you did post a bad haircut on Twitter. It's easy to make it look like you have a bad haircut. What do you ask for when you sit down? I say I'll have one regular little boy's haircut.

I show a picture of somebody significantly more handsome than me. My mom used to be. I'm mad when I don't look like that. My mom would make me bring printed out pictures of Chris Pine. I was so embarrassed, but I still did it. But what's more embarrassing? That or showing a picture of yourself? Exactly.

I don't know. So I just describe now. I just make it shorter. I just say I'm just going to get a trim. Yeah. I just say do what you want. Really? Just do what you want to do.

Boy, do they freestyle up there. Live with whatever you decide. One time I was going to Williamsport for baseball and we were all getting the numbers in the side of our head. Oh yeah. And the barber did it while looking in the mirror. Well first off that makes you sound like you were in the World Series. It did.

No that was a big thing. You just called like the road to that Williamsport. Oh. So you weren't in Williamsport. Did you get a reverse number in your hair? Yeah, so it was completely backwards. It was a backwards 23 on my head. And then my mom went back with me to ask for a refund.

And he was just like, we don't speak to women. No way. What? Wow. What? And he was just like, get the fuck out. Holy shit. And then had to go to a different barber.

They turned it into a shamrock oh man that's even worse yeah it was brutal everybody got a nike check back when i was younger and they would like color it in with like pencil like some sort of like eyebrow pencil i never had anyone the only thing that kids would do for my hometown was like when their team went to like playoffs they'd like all get goofy haircuts i didn't even own anything like the monk cut yeah like they get a little cross players would all be walking around with like mohawks and stuff and i'd be like i just would quit the team if we oh hockey teams were big on bleaching they would love to yeah yeah they would love to bleach yeah um what did the wrestling teams do yeah what

do they do they bleached their asses we didn't each other off. We didn't need all that. Yeah, you didn't have a number. I never... Yeah. Nike check was weird just because like... Say swoosh. Half the people couldn't afford Nike. Kids should have had like the Gildan logo in the back of their head. Imagine.

The Starberry logo. Yeah, nice. Starberries were awesome. What's the poorest generic? Stephen Berries? Yeah. Stephen Berries is cool. Stephen Berries is cool.

Because it was just like, yeah, we're just going to make colored shirts that have the state's names on it. People still rock that wave. But they still have it but where do they get it stephen berries isn't around anymore every mugshot has every page if you go to a mugshot uh website has somebody wearing a stephen berries yeah shirt yeah did you ever go no i don't know what stephen berries is whoa really yeah i've never heard of Stephen Berry's. It's like this big store, and they sold sweatshirts of college apparel, but they didn't have the licenses to anything. So it was all the same font. Yeah.

Yeah. You could still get some cool shit. It sounds awesome. It was awesome, but everything was so cheap. Yeah. Sweatshirts, $9.99. It never said Hurricane's, did it? No.

It couldn't say... It would just say Miami. It had 276 stores in 39 states. Or it could just say Hurricane. Oh, it Miami. It had 276 stores in 39 states. Or it could just say Hurricane. Oh, it had. But it could never have both. Yeah, they didn't have any of those around. But you could get a hoodie for like eight bucks.

Probably less. And then they also sold... Did they sell Starberries there? Yeah. $14.99. They closed in 2008. Damn. Yep.

Goddamn. Probably because of the movie The Big Short. Yeah. Yep. Goddamn. Probably because of the movie The Big Short. Yeah. That's probably why. That's why they closed. Yeah, that is. You know what? That is it.

I saw my first Spirit Halloween pop up in the city. Really? Oh, really? There we go. So it's time. This area, the area that we work in thrives during Halloween. This is mostly costume stores. This is a big time of year for them.

It's the Halloween district. Brandon. Yes. When's the last time you dressed up? When I was 12. Really? That was your last Halloween? Mm-hmm.

Do it again this year. Your kids don't celebrate it, do they? We never really got into it. Sacrilegious? No, not really. I don't know. It's just think i think it's a stupid thing you think it's stupid i think it's a stupid thing yeah who wants their kids to go get free candy well have fun and dress up as an idol afford candy wait your kids don't do halloween uh-uh legitimately like the best day

of the year you might want to get them you might want to get them you should probably have them do that you could change their world you could no they're fine rock there yeah because they don't legitimately like the best day of the year. You might want to get them on that. You should probably have them do that. You could change their world. You could. No, they're fine. Rock their world. Yeah, because they don't know about it. No, I promise you they want to dress up.

When I say we don't celebrate, there's no way they don't want to. We'll let them dress up and we'll like take them out to dinner and treat them like real good kids. They don't want to do that at all. They hate that. So you're just having them get gawked at

and laughed at in a fucking Chili's. Here's my problem. You guys have to... Here's my problem. Here's my problem. What's your problem? It's not like... Dad, do I have to wear the red rancher to Chili's?

Yes, it's Halloween. I've never... Put it on. You don't even have to do anything. Send them with one of their friend's parents. Yeah, send them to... It's so rare that I... Like, I haven't lived in the same spot.

He can't grab the mozzarella stick with his Hulk hand on it. Dad, I can't even eat. We haven't lived in the same spot, like, from year to year, so we've never, like, had a chance to... I'll... Nick and I will take... I'll take them. Squad out.

Where are you going? You're just going to take them? Yes. I would love to do that. We're going to go up to Jersey, and we'll do a video of that, too. You'll take the kids out? Yes. Take them to Hell's Kitchen. Take the boys. Let's take them to Long Island. We'll take them to Long Island. We're going to go up to Jersey, and we'll do a video of that, too. You'll take the kids out? Yes. Take them to Hell's Kitchen.

Take the boys. Let's take them to Long Island. We'll take them to Long Island. We'll take them to Long Island. Full-size candy bars. Full-size. I bet Jersey has great trick-or-treating. Brandon, how old were you when you had your first kid?

28. I'm 29. I can take care of them. Okay. All right. Fine. Take them out, then. I don't care.

Deal. I would love to. I'd love to dress up. Yeah. How many do you got? Well, the girls aged out of it, I think, so three boys. Perfect. We'll take two of them.

No, we'll take... Yeah, you have to pick the two. You can't take two. You have to take all three. There's going to be four of you. No. How young is the youngest? Five.

Come on. Yes, I love it. I got five, eight. He's not coming. Five, eight, and 11. We'll let chat decide their costumes. And does the 11, does he booze? That's Tommy.

We're going to dress them all up as little Taliban members. Y'all can have them. Do whatever you want. No, we're going to have an awesome Halloween. Call them up and ask them straight up, do you want to celebrate Halloween with? Nah, I can't. Do you want a trick or treat?

You don't want to hear their reaction? Finally. Because I can't. it. Do you want to trick or treat? You don't want to hear that reaction? Finally. Because I can't... Yeah, I guess. You can't tell a kid, hey, this might happen, and then you guys are going to lose interest. We're going to do it.

No, no, no. You have to... You can't tell the kid until... Well, don't even say Nick and I are in. Just say, would you... Hypothetically, would you enjoy this? Again, I don't... We'll plan something,

and then we'll involve them when the plans are solidified. He can trick or treat here. We, I don't... We'll plan something, and then we'll involve them when the plans are solidified. He can trick-or-treat here. We can all bring our... No, no, let's go on half-ass it. Door-to-door. Yeah. In the city, too.

People must live. Halloween must be awesome. No, not in the city. We've got to go to Long Island. You're very wrong. Yeah, the optics. Yeah. My lease.

Yeah. How would that be good? I don't know. You'd go and... Actually, nah. I take it back. Apartment.'t know. You go and actually... I take it back. Apartment. Sounds awful.

You would have to get buzzed into apartments. Buzzed in. Walk up. And then nobody would have candy. What the fuck? I have no money. A challenge. See if you can get a piece of candy.

One piece of candy. The worst Halloween celebration I imagine is the kids who would have to go out on the 30th midday. Yeah, so now, you ever have kids that did that, would go trick-or-treating before Halloween? They do trunk or treat. I have no idea why they would do it. No, some neighborhoods do trunk or treat, so everybody goes to the baseball field, and they back their cars up and open their trunk, and kids go from car to car. Does anybody ever drive through it?

That's a bad precedent. That sucks. So in Mississippi, they do a bunch of hayrides and shit. Yeah. hard a car and get does anybody ever drive bad precedent that sucks so in mississippi would they do a bunch of hayrides and shit and inevitably every single year a guy gets drunk and just drives right through a hayride and kills two or three kids every year every single year without fail drive through a hayride brandon we're going to a suburban neighborhood and just get is it the same guy every year no that rules that. Like the hayride will be slow and they'll be turning

and the guy behind them doesn't realize how slow they're going. The hayride's not on a farm. It's in a road. Oh, yeah. Our hayrides are on roads. How many kids

are at this hayride every year? Oh. First of all, there's many, many hayrides. I know. There's not just one. I'd say a common hayride would have 15 to 20 kids.

Wait, wait. 15 to 20 kids. Wait, wait, wait. 15 to 20 kids and one to two of them die every year? Brandon, that should be a canceled event. I'm not saying. I'm saying out of hundreds of hayrides, thousands maybe of hayrides in Mississippi on a Halloween or in the fall, you will have two to three kids die in hayride season every year. So that's why your kids don't want to do it. You guys want to go trick-or-treating?

There's a 14% chance you will die a painful death. Just strictly on impact. That's what they're also doing business. Here's what it is. This guy took out the entire Avengers. Oh, wait. They switched. Yeah, they did switch. Wait, they switched shirts. Oh, wait. They switched. Yeah, they did switch.

Wait, they switched shirts. They switched shirts. Wait, do we have uniforms now? Oh, yeah. We're still security. What the fuck? Do we desire twins? I think so.

We don't do boys. I'm seeing double. No. No one dresses up? They're too cool for that here? Yeah. You ever have a good costume? I feel like you would.

I had half-assed costumes. Yeah, but in a way that you actually thought about it for months probably. Thought about how hard to half-ass it. I went as a box like four years in a row. Oh yeah, there was always that kid. Yeah. Oh, there's always the box kid. No, there was.

I do not relate to that. The party there was it's like the same thing as like the whole three hole punch gym um i went as thanksgiving when i was going as different holidays a lot of years that's good how are you thanksgiving i put it like a box over me but then i put like a placemat and put my head through and i had like a kitchen like a table and I had a turkey on my head. When I was younger, my friend went as Crocodile Dundee and I went as a hot dog. I bought like a hot dog costume. Yeah. Massive hot dog costume.

Yeah. And we go, we show up to the door at this person's house and then she's like, oh my God, you're Crocodile Dundee. And then she turns to me and she literally goes, what are you? I'm like, what am I? A hot dog. Pretty noticeable what I am. It wasn't like a self-homemade costume. It was legitimate.

You bought hot dog. My head was through the hot dog. The only thing that wasn't hot dog was your face. You were more hot dog than man. One year, I wore all pink, and I put a shoe on my head, and I was like a chewed piece of gum. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one.

My mom never let us buy costumes. We had to make them. Hot dog wasn't the only one I ever bought. She wanted me to be gay so bad. Nick, why don't you sew this shit? Nick, why don't you fabricate a costume? Mom, please. Please, Mom.

I can't remember any of my costumes aside from the hot dog. I wanted to be Mario so bad. Growing up, I was just every other year either Derek Jeter or a U.S. soldier. Yeah. Yeah, I think I would be

the coolest thing you could be. I would wear a jersey or I would put on a soldier. Yeah. Yeah, I think I would be the coolest thing I think I would wear a jersey or I would like put on a mask. I think we had like a one skeleton mask that I would wear. Would Jeterface be racist?

Jeterface, um... It's like a black and white cookie that you just water down and paint a lot. I still regret going as cocaine. Yeah, that photo will haunt you. It's not even the photo. It was just like

once you're out dressed up like a giant bag of coke, you're just like, I'm a douchebag. This sucks. I would hate me. And your girlfriend

at the time went as like a jack, right? Yeah. But she went as a card jack. So it was jack and coke. Yeah. So we had to stay by each other's side,

which I hated to do. Hers worked as, they both worked as standalone-alone. But again, couples' costumes are bad. I had a girl who... I was dating a girl. She went as a cat every year, and she

refused to change it up. I was like, can I be a dog? She was like, no. So I went as a scratching post. Wrapped carpet around me. Goddamn. Me and my friends went as cowboys one time and this was like the first time i went to like a halloween party i think i was like a junior in high school and uh we like we really went for it like we were like really cowboys and we got there

what is really what is really cowboy just hat we just hat? We had like real cowboy boots on, like shirts tucked in, like vests, hats, everything. We got there, no one was dressed up. Oh, yeah. I had a buddy lie to me. That was one of the most mortifying experiences of my life. The first party I got invited to in college, he was like, yeah, it's a 60s party. So I went, he was like, yeah, I was lying, and I had a big afro. Oh, my God. I'm looking now. Easy to take off. The cowboys thing, did you guys ever do like spirit week? a 60s party so i went he was like yeah i was lying and i had a big afro yeah oh my god yeah

i'm looking easy to take off the cowboys thing did you guys ever do like spirit week you guys ever had anything like that we had like a spirit where we would have to like dress up it as a different theme every day in high school like based on your grade yeah it was fun but like one year we went as when you're me and my friends went's like mobsters and uh and i was like the like they all had like the shittiest outfits and like mine was mine was pretty bold i had like a massive suit on like hat every like top hat everything like i looked like a mobster and like we were like in passing time like that after second block and i see all my friends, they all took off their outfits. Oh, yeah. I'm just fucking around.

I'm a little brutal. Like a fucking loser. Really, really, really good costumes are usually embarrassing. Yeah. Except Caleb can do it. What was Caleb's really good costume? He pulls it off. I don't even remember.

He wore something huge and bulky and obnoxious. He just went into the bar. Yeah, I went to the concert with him. What was it? He stayed in costume. What was he? It was like an extra jacked... I forget what it was. He was huge. He was wide as

fuck. Oh, yeah. He could do whatever. He's cool. Che. Che. What's up? You have to have some bad costumes. Yeah, you gotta have some crazy story. Terrible costumes. We know the one story. We don't need to hear that. In kindergarten, I was the ultimate warrior.

Okay. I was a dinosaur several years. What dinosaur? T-Rex. Okay. Bill Clinton once. Saxophone and a mask. As a boy or an adult?

As a boy. I think I was fourth grade. So probably ten. In late middle school, I went as a a pedestrian and people did not like that when i'd go to houses they'd be like what are you and i say a pedestrian i thought it was clever yeah people don't like when you like don't dress up and then you go ask for candy like when you when you when you do a half-assed costume yeah i mean they have the right to refuse yeah the choice is theirs, trick or treat. Yeah. I choose trick. All right. See what you got, kid.

Trick me. What was the oldest you guys went trick-or-treating? Probably eighth grade, which is probably too old. Yeah, I think mine was eighth grade and I felt very old. Yeah, I went as like

a roster man. In eighth grade, you were kind of like, you were cool about it and did it ironically. Yeah. Yeah. You would silly string

the first graders in the eyes no i wanted candy and i still wanted it but like i had a young i have a younger sibling so i had the luxury of like oh i'm taking them but then i'm also with my parents oh i didn't go with my parents that was like when we and my friends like we were like trying like uh like tp houses and stuff and we just always didn't we always pussied out i went trick-or-treating my parents so we lived in a really good trick-or-treating neighborhood yeah and my dad worked with a woman i probably shouldn't say this story but i'm going to who uh they lived out rural like they had no neighbors with for within 10 miles and so she

brought her and her son over to my place to trick-or-treat i know where this is going he went as um tom sawyer every year and so he had like he put his candy in like a bucket of white wash place to trick-or-treat. I know where this is going. He went as Tom Sawyer every year. He put his candy in a bucket of whitewash. But he was very uncoordinated as a boy. And he couldn't go up steps. That's not a coordination

thing. He couldn't go up steps. So we had to skip the houses that had steps. How old was he? 7th and and eighth grade. What do you mean he couldn't go up steps? He grew up in a ranch style home and he could not go.

How do you just not go up steps? He couldn't go up steps. What was going on when he tried? So I was so pissed whenever I was like in costume ready to go get awesome bunch of big pillowcase full of candy and then I heard the tin can

the tin bucket of Huck Finn getting out of the car like oh fuck we gotta skip over the steps again this year that's brutal yeah what did he go to school how he was homeschooled he eventually i think he eventually learned to walk you know he could walk but he like he just couldn't do steps he eventually got steps um but very slow like you know two feet on each step i remember one time i was a surfer i was wearing a real wetsuit oh yeah and i came home from school and passed out face down on my bed and i and i slept for like six hours to the point where i couldn't wake up because i had sweat so much and my body

was just like physically exhausted yeah i was dying yeah and then uh my parents found me. The wrestling community needs to discover that. Wetsuits, yeah. They would always tell us to crank the AC and you lose more weight in your sleep if you're cold. You burn calories shivering. I think that was just an urban legend. Did you do it?

You always lose a pound. You just drift a pound every eight hours. I don't think that's an urban legend. There's some, like, thing with, like, if you're really in cities. There's some things you can do to, like, speed up your metabolism. I... My buddy Bobby Palmer almost got canceled because he went as a Steeler fan one year. So he wore a Jerome Bettis jersey, and then he painted his face black.

Oh, yeah. But the other half painted his face black. Oh yeah. But the other half of his face was yellow. But in the photos you couldn't see it. So he had to like go home and like dig up a photo so you could see

the yellow side of his face. So he's making fun of Chinese people too. Yeah. He went as Chinese Jerome Bettis. Who's that?

TJ. TJ's that? TJ. TJ's Buzz Lightyear. Unbelievable. And TJ, is that eighth grade, TJ? I'm assuming. That was last year. Oh, man. Brandon, we're taking your kids trick-or-treating this year.

We filled up a show on a childhood memory that if your kids ever have a show, they won't be able to talk about. My kids have incredible childhood memories. Yeah, but what's, why would you not add one more? It'll be like a memory that would be funny to tell, like if it was me talking about it right now. Like, oh, we didn't go trick-or-treating, we dressed up and then my dad took us. My dad's

co-workers ended up taking us. My dad took us to Texas Roadhouse. I don't even remember my dad. He's been dead for so long. That's my impression of Tommy. So they've never been? Yeah, they've been. Brandon, you can't.

I misrepresented it a little bit. They've been. And they don't like it or you don't like it? It's just not something that's really ever took hold in my family. I don't know. I mean, if they don't like it, they like it. But they do like it. They do like it. I don't know it it's just not something that's really ever took hold in my in my family i don't know i mean if they don't like it they like it but they do like it they do like it i don't know whatever all right that's the yak we did yeah we did good yeah it was a solid show oh no go ahead let's play the fucking music thanks guys yeah i got a soccer game to watch. Thank you.