The Yak - The Yak: Fri Dec 10, 2021

Episode Date: December 11, 2021

Sas v chickenfry again?!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I just don't understand why you would want to shoot where you could pull it apart. All right, it's the Yak Friday. Roan and Big Cat are going to West Virginia. Nicky T is a sick boy. A sick little boy. It sucks. Yeah, it does suck.

Rudy's in here with us. Hi, Rudy. Hello. Thanks for having me. Rudy. Sass. Welcome. Is this your first appearance?

No, I did one a while ago. You brought me in for... Post-serious? No, no, no. I did one a while ago. You did. I remember when Rio was talking about eating cum. Right.

Yes. He was on one of the more uncomfortable ones. She was rhapsodizing about eating semen. Not eating it, just housing it for a second. General consumption. She was talking about spitting it back in the guy's face. Regurgitating it. So you couldn't be more wrong?

I was very wrong. Thank you, Owen. She was talking recycling. She is a very responsible person. Hey, Sass, is this the first time the hair's been out? Oh! My head hurts. Doesn't look that bad. What do you mean your head hurts?

Oh, me and Owen both have COVID. Really? Really. Big time. You should hear the noises coming from the apartment right now. What? Owen, your color isn't great today. If I'm being honest. What? You're very pale. Yeah, you said you were sick too. Everyone's sick.

Yeah. You said you were sick. I don't like that. I heard KB wasn't going to be here. But mine's not contagious. I had a migraine. Yeah, I'm not going to admit that. This is like we're in a time

where you can't just say you're sick. Right. But you can't say you're sick if it's just a migraine. No, there's no such thing as just a migraine. That's sick. I know a migraine's bad, but when you say you're sick, I'm not thinking a migraine. I'm thinking like thing as just a migraine that's sick i know migraine's bad but like when you say you're sick like i'm not thinking of migraine i'm thinking like oh you have covid

this shit is depressing tj you're the real star here what a night for you yeah thanks um everyone saw the video you want to run it not to be overshadowed by dave's recent quote tweet but um yeah whatever no i think that was a good sign for you but i didn't see dave's recent quote tweet, but whatever. No, I think that was a good sign for you. I didn't see Dave's recent quote tweet. That happened very recently. He acknowledged it, which is a win for TJ. Can we just run the video back real quick? That's a very funny video. It's an amazing

video. So was that last night? Yeah. Thank you, guys. Put it up, Ron. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Rutgers knocked out the number one team in the fucking country! Rutgers wins!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my fucking God! Oh, my God! Rutgers fucking wins! Rutgers fucking wins! Rutgers fucking wins! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! God damn. Rutgers fucking wins. TJ, so what happens directly after this? What's the scenes? Give us a run. It was like a mosh pit on the court for like 20 minutes probably. And then once you guys make your way out of the arena, is there couch burns?

No, we head back to – Did you do anything crazy? Did you rob a Jewel charity concert? Head back to College Ave, hit up Are You Hungry, get a sandwich with a bunch of shit in it. Are You Hungry? Yep. that's a great restaurant name they do do sandwiches with like cheesesteak chicken fingers mozzarella sticks french fries hot sauce on it no but you could tell tj tj stayed for a very long time because he took an empty court picture after all yeah so so no so yeah

how long were you there after the i probably stayed at the arena for like 30 minutes after the game ended. And then in the parking lot doing social stuff for like a half hour. Nice. It smells like a great American cookie company in here. It's my coffee. Donut Shop. Is it? Donut Shop coffee.

It smells delicious. I know. It doesn't. It's okay. It smells of vanilla and love. Do you ever feel like when coffee smells too good, though, it doesn't taste as good? I don't really drink coffee or regard, I don't regard the smell of it at all, usually. I just dive in.

It's a good smell. Do you like the smell of coffee? That was the biggest win of your fandom fan career? That was the biggest win in school history. In any sport? Probably. It's top two wins in school history in any sport. No.

It's definitely in your life. It's definitely behind the one you had on that Thursday night. Brandon, why don't you sit this one out because I'm talking to the people who have won big games. Rudy, you won a D1 national title in hockey. I did. Guilty. And what did you got? How did you celebrate?

We went. Then we're going to go to me because my team won the Mac East Championship. So what's the order after that? And then it's over. We just went and got fucked up like real Americans. Where did you win it at? Which city? Chicago. Alex Cooper said when BU won, they were fucking on the ice.

Did you do that? No. What? She said when BU men's they were fucking on the ice. Did you do that? No. What? She said when BU men's hockey won, they were all fucking. Did she go to BU? Were they fucking each other? I didn't know that. That could not have happened.

Who fucked? Yeah, what do you mean they fucked on the ice? There was just an orgy on the ice. Who was fucking on the ice? You want to pull up the clip? Do hockey players fuck on the ice? I've never seen it. That doesn't seem like.

It's got to be like, you got to get some, like, it's got to hurt, right? It can't feel good. Dude, ice hurts. Both in surface and temperature. Everything about ice is unpleasant. Your skin, like up against just the ice. So you've never fucked on ice? Never fucked on ice.

No, never fucked. I've never lived like that. Is it a good idea for you? I fucked in ice. Did you? In school suspension, yeah. I was one of, well, there was a lot of people who did, so I wasn't like- Wait, do you mean like the detention?

Like the- ICE is in school suspension. Damn. And you fucked or you got fucked? Yeah, did you? What is it? Is there a difference? Oh, there's a big-

Wait, there was an investigation? Now, sex in the penalty box is a lot different than fucking on the ice. In the penalty box, that makes sense. It's so hard to do, right? I mean, that kind of – Is it after hours? It's just a bench. Yeah, but it's also kind of genius.

During? It's where bad boys go, so it's kind of a loophole. You know what I mean? It's like international waters. Yeah, that's some wild boy shit. No, we didn't do that. We didn't do any of that. You just went out and got fucked up.

We just went and got fucked up. I actually got – I remember I walked home after we went out, and I just walked home solo. And one of my like weird drunk traits is I like getting like fucked up in a city I've never been, and then just finding my way home and just wandering. That is a remarkably dangerous mindset. It's so dumb. But I like to test my sense of direction, because I feel like I have a good sense of direction. I did it in Myrtle Beach by accident one time.

It was actually really nice, though. It was like a cool moment just to be by myself and just walking through Chicago just like we did it. You like doing that, Kyle? By yourself? Yeah, just solo. Yeah, just solo walking home. Nine drinks deep, I'm going to test my sense of direction in a strange city I've never been. It's like playing on Legendary Difficulty.

Yeah. It was fun, though. It was cool. Chicago's a good city to win it in, for sure, because it's a lot of fun. I think that's enough of that. Tell me about winning the MAAC. We won ours in Mount Pleasant, Michigan. We clinched it after a dual win against Central Michigan.

I wasn't starting. I wasn't there, Oh, I didn't. I wasn't there either. If you weren't starting, you're not going to travel to an away duel. So, yeah. We went to the loft. I got a couple of hulks.

What's that? Is that a kind of drink? Yeah, it's like a mountain. There might be like some... It's green. Yeah, giant. It's like a novelty scam where there's probably this much liquor

and then a bunch of green shit and you chug it with your friends. We had a drink called Hypnotic. It was Hypnotic and Hennessy and we called that the Hulk back in 2002. I thought you were a racist. Huh? Very much so, brother. Very much so. The drunkest I ever got was me and my guys going to a strip club in Memphis.

Okay, anyway. When's the last time you've been loopy fucked up? 2007. Really? Yeah, 2007 was the last time I got drunk. Do you miss it? Not really. Because you could probably acquire that.

Did you just never like it? It just never stuck with me. Like, I could do it and then just not have the desire to do it again. So that was very good for me. But 2007, my cousin Anna's wedding. That's cool. When Anna and Drew got married, I got fucked up. Was it fun? I'm sure it was very good for me. But 2007, my cousin Anna's wedding. When Anna and Drew got married, I got fucked up. Was it fun?

I'm sure it was, yeah. It was the only time in my 16 years now of being with my wife where I've ever been in a car that she drove. I drive 100% of the time. That's how it should be. Right. Women in the back, men in the back. I drive 100% of the time, but she drove that night. And that was one of the reasons I said, well, I'm not doing this anymore.

That's the only reason. You got sober because your wife's driving deep seated misogyny the only reason that's not really not not not really got sober i just i just didn't ever want to ride in the passenger seat again with i don't like riding in the passenger seat period but you were never like knots you were never like you never like had like a problem right no no no no i've probably been drunk 15 to 20 times yeah that's what Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, not much at all. You're more of a Molly guy. Huge Molly guy.

Yeah. Gigantic. Try it once. Okay, let's try it. Maybe you'll connect with your kids. Yeah, a spiritual awakening. You should do some candy flipping. You ever heard of that?

No, I haven't. What's candy flipping? Candy flipping is when you do acid and Molly. See, I wouldn't even know how to acquire the goods to do that or even where to start. You would get acid and molly. No, I understand that. Would you do the molly first or the acid first? I've actually never done it.

You want to talk about playing on Legendary Difficulty. That's a double black diamond of Druin drugs. It's a lot, I bet. When's the last time you've been? That just doesn't sound fun, though. You smoked weed recently? March. Yeah, March.

March Madness, I smoked weed with Roan in it. But that doesn't... I was there. What the fuck? You were there? I was in there. I was burning. Did Roan pressure you into doing it?

I was burning with the boys. No, we just... Roan was going outside. I was like, can I do it? And I did. I was stoked that you were with us. And I did it. But then the next two hours we were on stream, I said zero words and thought I couldn't shut up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you were also battling. I remember that you were battling migraines. You had the sunglasses on. I had the migraine the day before. So my body was already like it is now. My body is just not where it needs to be. Right.

But I was trying to get $10,000. I was in that $10,000 competition. We had to do our picks and it was me and White Sox Dave. That's already a handicap because he's fucking stupid. I got high and then I just wrote down all the picks and I had him deliver them and it worked out. We won. Oh, I forgot you guys won.

Yeah, we won. When you guys got the Bitcoin? No, that was a different one. I just won the $50,000 crypto, but I don't know if I'm going to get it. We'll see. There I am. That was during that moment. Yeah.

Dude, you look good. Yeah, you look happy. I was happy. I was very happy. Yeah, dude. That dude's. That dude's. Where's your mouth, dude?

What the fuck? It was in there somewhere, man. Where'd his lips go? I don't know. It was was i was just living the life at that point that looks like one of those commercials from like middle america where some dudes selling mattresses yeah yeah or really bad used cars yeah um what were you saying kyle what was i saying national championship oh Oh, you guys deliver your picks. Right. And then you always give an explanation as to why you're picking. Is it tough to do that when your career record is a losing record?

Well, mine isn't a losing record. Because you know everything you say has zero merit or value. And you're expecting your audience to take that. Gambling on games is legitimately, i mean you you can have every reason in the world that you think you have and none of it matters at all none of it matters at all give the explanation for your pick in a serious manner i do personally yes and then it just turns out i would respect somebody who was just like i'm guessing this is my guess that's my thing let's guess should be a gambler who just acknowledges his talent.

Well, Marty's close to that. I mean, Marty will say, oh, I like the color of this uniform better, so I'm doing that. Glennie does that. Glennie does that. He's going to bet the same bet over and over and over. He just bets overs of whatever game he's watching. And I can't do that, which works for them.

It doesn't work for me. You still try to, like, yeah. There you go. Persuade people. That's not bad. I made, what's that, 1,400 bets this year, and I'm down two. I mean, that's a pretty remarkable feat, actually. This is my first year really gambling, and I found that it works a lot better when you just let God deal with it.

You don't think. Correct, yes. I think God appreciates that, too. He's a big gambler. Oh, mince. I don't even know what any of this means, though. It doesn't matter. I don't wantates that, too. He's a big gambler. Oh, mince. I don't even know what any of this means, though. It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it.

I have a whole hour I had to do with gambling, so I'd rather just move on. Kelly in Vegas is good. She seems like the only good one. She's not bad. Is she on a streak? She's certainly the best out of us. She's a real deal. If Barstool didn't exist, she'd still be in Vegas doing the gambling.

She's changed lives financially. You were doing gambling, though, too. I was doing gambling. You're a real gambler. I am, but I got issues. Not for today. What are they? They're not for today.

You're wearing the Shamu sweater again. I am. It's not Shamu. It's Shamu. It's Shamu. Is Shamu a killer whale killer whales are so fucking you ever see blackfish i did see but that's tilikum yeah really yeah tilikum was the blackfish yes he had the droopy uh fin that's how you know they're depressed yeah yeah and they have the droopy fin i saw a crazy video the other day of some killer whales there was a seal on uh

a floating little iceberg yeah they, they'd bump it? Yeah, or they'd bump it, and sometimes what they'll do is they'll go in squads of four and they'll create a wave, and the wave will wash over the iceberg with the seal on it. Seal falls off. Sushi time. It's looking cool.

That's what I want to see. Can we see that? I want to see clips of that. I don't want to see the cast of Hamilton lip-syncing Big Bong. I want to see. Can we see that? I want to see clips of that. I don't want to see the cast of Hamilton lip-syncing Big Bong. I want to see that. You know what I was watching? Last night I was watching bear cubs, like bear cubs, trying to get onto a hammock. And there's like hundreds of videos, and they're hysterical.

That's a frustrating video to watch, because you do want the bear to get on the hammock. No, it's really funny. And then they get angry, and they just start ripping the hammock. I think we've got our next 20 minutes of videos planned out. That's a frustrating video to watch because you do want the bear to get on the hammock. No, it's really funny. And then they get angry and they just start ripping the hammock. I think we got our next 20 minutes of videos. That's what I want to see. I don't want to see Doja Cat lip syncing. Fuck your life. Yeah, dude. I'm glad. Did you not fuck with Hamilton? Because I didn't. I never got a ticket. I only got like, well, no, it's on. It's on Disney. It's on Disney Plus. I would only see it live if I had the opportunity it was almost like too good it like freaked me out there is an element where it's a little too good I only watched it once I've only seen there's an element

when it's a little too good a little too good you're like what does that mean I've never had that problem you know who the biggest Hamilton guy is in this office

Robbie Fox no well he said it like Lin-Manuel Miranda Big T Big T who is Big T

he's a Hamilton guy huge Hamilton I went to theManuel Miranda. Big T. Who is? Big T. He's a Hamilton guy? Huge Hamilton guy. What? I went to the College World Series with Big T. We're sitting there. There's two girls in front of us. By the third inning, these two girls are turned around, sitting, and they're just going over their favorite Hamilton songs.

Big T is the biggest Hamilton fan. With Big T? That's not surprising. Big T is the biggest Hamilton fan. I don't think that's not surprising. He loves theater. He is a huge Hamilton fan. Well, that is surprising.

He can name every song, every lyric of Hamilton. A bunch of musicals, too. He loves Broadway. I've never... He turns from just a useless Southern Lummox into like a cultured dude talking about Hamilton. He will go... He'll tell you the virtues of the songs. He'll tell you where they came from.

It's incredible. I would love to hear him talk like Phantom of the Opera. I want him to sing. You want to get him in here? I think he was big on like Dear Evan Hansen. I was just going to say Dear Evan Hansen. Can he come sing Waving Through a Window by Dear Evan Hansen? Does he sing the songs? Yeah, he absolutely does. I've heard him

sing it before. Yes, get him in here. And it's very good. Get Big T in here. We want to talk Hamilton songs with him. We can watch the Bear video until Big T gets here if you want. They had it up it was awesome this is the shorter one though there's longer ones oh that's awesome that's good but don't you is there a part of you that wants them to get on that hammock well that one's that one made it and his brother fucked it up that's awesome i feel like having a hammock out in

the bear area is kind of a mistake in the first place oh man there is a lot of them there's a lot of them it's a It's a frequent occurrence. Oh, Viral Hog got on it? Wait, you said there was an iceberg one? Yeah, the iceberg killer whale video is really fucking cool. Wasn't that on Blackfish? Didn't you see? They may have cut to that.

All right, here we go. Just have a seat, please. Nice jersey, Big T. You got anyone on the back of that? What did you say? Fuck you, Rudy? Oh, thank you, Rudy. Philip Forsberg? nice jersey big t who you got anyone on the back of that what did you say fuck you rudy oh thank you philip forsberg uh welcome welcome big t the reason you were you've been summoned today is we were somehow we talked about hamilton and our thoughts about it and i said in my

experience the biggest hamilton guy in this office is big t that not only can you sing every song you know the lyrics to every song and you love them all yes that's uh that's mostly accurate yes what's mostly accurate about it i don't know the words to every song probably probably three quarters but you're but you're passionate about like broadway and no just hamilton just hanson huh we both like dear evan hanson yeah dear evan hanson too that's true but see ham Hamilton's ruined now because poor people can watch it. Oh, because it's on Disney Plus? Yeah, like it's not cool anymore. Did you see it live?

I saw it in Atlanta when the first national tour they did. And you fell in love with it immediately? Well, I liked it before then. Like I knew all the songs and shit, but then I saw it in Atlanta and then I saw it when I moved here. And now it's on Disney and just everybody can watch it. So it's not cool anymore. Like it used to be cool if you'd seen hamilton right and now everybody's like oh i just watched and the band the band blew up and now it's

stew and erica go together yeah yeah i feel like a bunch of people have seen i've never it was the most popular play that no one has seen live have you guys ever seen wicked no i've not seen the play yet i've seen ever seen cats i yeah the only broadway show i've seen is avenue q and it was pretty fucking good it's the muppets but they rap oh i would see that there's some rapping ass muppets i saw raven simone in the sister act i would see that as well that was good it's fun i mean it's cool for what it's what it costs like i saw book of mormon i was like i'd rather be watching a movie. Yeah, no.

I don't think they're very enjoyable unless the song is like really good. Have you seen Hamilton Live in New York? Yeah, I saw it when I moved here. What's your favorite song from Hamilton? Wait for it, probably. Okay, well you have to give us a ditty. Give us a couple bars of it?

No, I'm not doing that. Do you like listen to it? Just a little bit of it. Give us a hook. Why not? No. Don't be Big T. Be cool Big T No. Hook. Don't be Big T. Be cool Big T for a second.

Don't be this guy. I can't sing it right now. You're one of the best singers in the office. Just give us a couple. I can't. Be Connor. Be Connor. Be Connor, not Big T.

I can't. Come on. You're the worst fucking person. Will you record it singing and then send it to us and we can listen to it? Probably not, but possibly. We've got you in the yak. The mic in front of you. Go ahead.

Give us a couple. A little bit. Can't do it. I hate you so bad. front of you. Go ahead. Give us a couple. A little bit. Can't do it. I hate you so much. What's the name of the song? Wait for it. Wait for it. I'm going to look up the lyrics.

What if one of us sings it poorly and then you have to correct us? What was that? I was singing it. You weren't listening. Wait for it. Theodosia. Close your eyes. Theodosia.

Theodosia writes me a letter every day. Is that how it goes? No. It's a different one. How does it go? Enlighten me. You'd have to. No.

Connor, what about Waving Through a Window? I do love Waving Through a Window. Come on. We've sang that before. Have we? Yeah. We were skipping around like 6th Avenue. Yeah.

I don't remember that. It was like my first month here. I do not recall that at all. Oh, I'd love to see that. Waving through a window. Try to speak, but nobody can hear. So I wait around for an answer to appear. That was great.

That's beautiful. Thank you very much for doing that. That's awesome. You have a nice voice, Big T. I just got a great voice. Did you ever hear from those girls that you talked Hamilton to for eight goddamn innings of the College World Series? No, they were so hot, dude.

You know what the thing was, too? I shouldn't say this. I can't tell that story. Yeah, you can. I've already told most of it. On the air? Yeah, well, all I said was you and I were sitting and watching a baseball game. So this is the championship?

No, this was – I don't know which game this was. It was the middle of the College World Series. It was the middle of the College World Series. We'd been there like six or seven days. Me and him were at our peak of friendship, and we're sitting together, and these two girls sit in front of us, and I don't think anything about it. And I watch an inning, and before I know it, the two girls are sitting around. Are they fans of what school are they coming from?

I don't remember that. I think they just lived in Nebraska. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they went to the University of Nebraska. They were Creighton people. I thought they were University of Nebraska. One or the other. But anyway, they were just there.

They were townies, and they ended up talking to him, and they just didn't shut the fuck up for eight innings, and it was ridiculous. They never watched a baseball game. They were both hogs. They just watched it. He could have, and it was ridiculous. They never watched a baseball game. They were both hot. They just watched it. He could have fucked them. What did they look like?

Spitting game. I don't think I could have. I thought for a second maybe, but then no. You're also misremembering. They weren't both hot. One was hot, and one was the hot girl's friend. Okay. Well, one of them was very hot.

I thought it was both. No, they probably were both good looking. And one girl also hot girl's friend. Okay. Well, one of them was very hot. I thought it was both. Nah, they probably were both good looking. And one girl also had a brother there. Yeah, it was a weird dynamic. It was a weird dynamic for sure. But he got in on the Hamilton conversation a little bit. You can't talk Hamilton for eight innings straight. Oh, you absolutely can't.

No, no. Let me finish. You can't do that and then just part ways without him. That's what happened. That's what happened. That's what happened. That is a lot. The bars closed at 2 in the morning. What does that mean?

Oh, well, that was the other thing. That game started at like 10.30 p.m., so it didn't end until like 1.30. Oh, also, I mean – That's even a better reason to not part ways. You're kind of acting a little too cool for school. You were checking your Instagram for like the next hour or two after that hoping you were catching a DM from one of them. I don't recall that.

Did you exchange usernames? No, that was a different girl though. Jesus. That wasn't them. What the fuck happened to Omaha? Omaha was a movie. He was running pussy in Omaha. God damn.

Omaha was fun for sure. You know, he's a fucking, he's a sourpuss. He's just a sour person. That's not true. I never said that. I never even thought that. We went out one night, the night Mississippi State beat Virginia. I think he's very, he's like a young you.

We all went to a club. We went to a club. Sorry to both of you. It was an outdoor club. It was like a rave they had, like, outside. What the fuck? And he just turned, I mean, he was just bouncing up and down, doing the whole thing, going and buying beers.

Just the biggest dude bro of all time. Hell yeah. I just got, I mean, he was just bouncing up and down, doing the whole thing, going and buying beers. Just the biggest dude bro of all time. Hell yeah. I just got, I save it up. Like these kids, they go out every night and I'm like, I can't do that. I save it up every three, four, five weeks and then you get one really good night out of it. You go zero or a hundred. Correct. Like Rumspringa.

Yeah, exactly. Damn. Sounds fun, dude. I wish I could talk Hamilton. Well, you can stay if you'd like. Oh, there he is. It's a party in the USA. That's not even the best one.

Go find... What is this? This is in Omaha? You got to find the one. It's like in the Fan Fest. This is right outside the stadium. It looks like spring break. It was awesome.

In Omaha, for this event, they have bars and clubs all around the stadium. They only get to party for two weeks out outside the stadium. It looks like spring break. It was awesome. In Omaha, for this event, they have, like, bars and clubs all around the stadium. They only get to, like, party for two weeks out of the year. But for two weeks, it's like. They go hard. Yeah. TJ, I don't know where you found that, but can you find the one that's me and you? That's right. TJ.

Oh, the girl grinding on TJ. No. Well, there is that one. But the one I'm talking about is it's just me and TJ going fucking bananas. And then it's you and Marty looking around like, what the fuck's going on?

There absolutely is a video of a girl grinding on TJ. There is. I have it on my phone. I would love to see it. Not well, TJ. It exists. Not well?

What do you mean not well? Does it exist? Who is unwell? How do you grind poorly? Who is grinding? You can. Trust me, you can. No, TJ said well.

I said not well. No, well doesn't work there. Any evidence of that you can find. I don't know if that's public. It's out. I don't think that was posted, but I have it. Was it not? You haven't?

Somebody's got it. Oh, is that just between us? Did we internally share that? Okay. Probably. Probably. But it is awesome. Grinding is just awesome in general. fun yeah oh my god she's hot very hot where is this this is almost we'll pass the phone

down a second oh my god tj she i don't know we can't tell the whole story yeah the phoenix boys are fiending for something, dude. Wow. Just put that up. We want to pass it down to the boys. Shout out TJ. Rocking, dude. Yeah, grinding rocks.

Did you guys ever do the thing in young middle school or high school dances where you would have a grind line of just a row of people grinding? Certainly didn't happen. No. And you got a bunch of boys watching, too. In a single file line. didn't. No, we didn't. In a single file line. That's when America was right. Grinding is great because it always happens to you.

You don't instigate it. You just look down. Oh, shit. Okay, this is happening. It's a very passive exercise. You don't have to touch a video that much. Yeah, KB's had my phone for too long. I've never had an iPhone like this. He just got it.

She's very attractive. Let me see. I had a boy teach. KB, pass it this way. Slap me her mouth. I like that. I've never heard that. That's a good one. You should use that. I just did. I did in 2013. So this was in Omaha? Slap me your mouth.

That little like rave deal they had outside the stadium every night was just outreaching. There's like a crowd of dudes watching. Everyone's just like, yeah.

No, every night. Every night after the last game, the fucking bars would have that outdoor shit going on. Omaha's rocking, man. Omaha was fucking... Omaha for that week

is some of the most fun I've ever had. That's what you need. Like a city that's like on a grand scale boring. Yes, like it's that one event. Like Indianapolis for the Indy 500. Cities like that. We should take a group trip.

Do the Yak from Omaha. Bristol is probably like that. Bristol, yeah. I don't know. Daytona. Daytona's not a great town. That was a bad example. No, that's fake news daytona rocks

no it doesn't no it's fake news the only thing about daytona is you can drive on the beach that's it still bandshell though fox what does fox bandshell you can drive on the beach what's the what's the little mall outdoor mall area they have next to the bandshell what's that called in massachusetts massachusetts maybe but in in Florida. There's some places in Massachusetts. It's called the drive-on. Yeah. And you just drive your car right on. I don't think that's typical of the United States.

I think most beaches you cannot drive on. Yeah. Yeah, no, most not. But there's places other than where I'd prefer to drive on. Daytona, though, it's like the sand isn't sandy. It's dirt. It's like concrete. I did hear that.

Yeah, it's not great sand. It's like concrete. I did hear that. Yeah, it's not great sand. It's no Clearwater, but it's a nice town. Clearwater's your example of a nice town? Clearwater is my favorite beach. What? Clearwater, Florida's your favorite beach? I mean, it's fine. It's a fine beach. It's a fine beach. A lot of sharks there. Oh, I don't go in the ocean. Don't get it

twisted. I just enjoy the beach vibe and the sand part of the beach and the beach town. I don't go in the ocean. The beach? I went there for New Year's. I went there for New Year's last year. Which one? Clearwater.

Did you like it? I did, yeah. I knew nothing about it. I didn't have the funds to go to Miami, so it was Clearwater. My personal favorite beach is Jersey Shore. Those beaches are beautiful. Great waves. In the Jersey Shore, didn't you pretend to tackle waves for a few hours?

That's every time I'm in the water. Yeah, that's so fun. Jersey Shore has good waves, and I love when they pulverize me. I like doing the thing where you run up on the waves, and then it's like you're jumping over the line, like you're running back. That never gets old. I love doing that.

Or just like laying on your back, and then you get pushed up on the sand, and then it sucks you into the undertow. You jump with the wave. It lifts you maybe an extra half inch, but it feels like you're 10 feet in the air. God, I can use that right now. And then you feel a little fan on your feet. Yeah. Why are you 100% against getting in the ocean?

There's shit in there I just don't fuck with. Me too. Out of sight, out of mind. I hate splice. I hate octopi. Agreed. Sharks. I'm disgusted by them. Why? Because they're so smart? That doesn't help, but no. They're gross. No, I respect them.

I love octopi. Have you ever been in the water and had a fish rub up against your leg? Oh yeah. Haunting. So uncomfortable. I don't like an animal that can lose an arm or a leg and be fine. That needs to be crippling. I really think that should be crippling for all animals. They have more neurons than the human brain.

Why do you know that? I watched that documentary My Octopus Teacher. Your octopus teacher? No, it's called My Octopus Teacher. The documentary. This dude has this really insane obsession with this one octopus it's a fire documentary though and that's his octopus teacher yeah it does have like a weird like that name has like a weird does he fall in love with the octopus at all no but you always wonder the whole time

you're like is this dude gonna to fuck this octopus? Yeah. What would be the best? I mean, starfish, obviously, but other than a starfish. No, manatees. It's known. Manatees used to get fucked by sailors because they have the most, their vaginas are similar to human vaginas. That's where mermaids come from. It was just dudes fucking manatees.

Sailors are the gayest profession. I've heard that as well. They were like, oh, oh no it was a fish woman no it was just a manatee sailors were shooting up the club inside manatees for real it's history man it's written

I think they're the gayest profession per capita in human history really? sailors? I don't know you're on a boat with a bunch of dudes. Nah, that's a misconception. A lot of them are straight as an arrow.

Does that include the Navy? The Navy isn't that gay. I guess the Navy never has been. Lyft drivers in Colorado are very gay. Really? Just Lyft or Uber and Lyft has been. Lyft drivers in Colorado are very gay. Really? Yeah, but mostly Lyft. Just Lyft or Uber and Lyft? Uber and Lyft, but in Colorado, when Lyft—

The Navy isn't gay. Why would you even bring that up? I mean, they're sailors. I don't think the Navy's— No. I think that a lot of them are gay. Jesus. The Navy?

I mean, I have no facts to argue with them. In Colorado, a lot of the... I have no facts to support that. Yeah, the Uber drivers in Colorado, when the Uber first started popping off, they were almost exclusively lesbians. Really?

Yeah, a lot of lesbians. Why is that? I don't know. I think there's a lot of lesbians in Colorado. It's a lesbian-friendly place. Yeah, a lot of Subarus. So many Subarus, dude.

Girls with, you know, like, Skrillex hair in a Subaru picking you up to go to... See, the worst Uber driver is just, like, a white guy your dad's age. The worst, dude. Because they're doing it for fun, and they want conversation. 100%. 100%. Whatever happened for a small period of time time there was a button you could push that says don't talk to me

and now it doesn't exist anymore yeah well New York they just don't talk to you New York is the best it's like a Pakistani guy who's like whispering on

bluetooth to somebody anytime you go out of it doesn't sound like they could ever hear each other but that's they just dude they talk

they're just riffing the whole time dude it's like a podcast it's the lowest decibel. So quiet. It doesn't sound like a human conversation. It doesn't sound like voices actually coming out. It's the oddest thing.

Yeah. But that's what I want. I'd like to hear more about lesbians in Colorado. I mean, I don't really have much else to tell you other than a lot of them were Lyft drivers. I don't know what they're doing now. I've always wanted to start out in Colorado like a combination dating, hiking app for lesbians, but I don't know what to call it. Oh. Is this like a trick question?

Rhetorical? I mean, I feel like that would definitely take off. Just dating plus hiking. Yeah, I get it. You just call it dyke. Huh? You just call it dyke. Hike, dyke.

Dyke is, I feel like that's not okay to use. That wasn't it Dyke. Huh? You just call it Dyke. Dyke. Dyke is... I feel like that's not okay to use. That wasn't cool, Rudy. Is that derogatory? That was... Okay. What the fuck? You can't say that.

Just one fucking time on the air, can you say that? You just set me up for that. You got this show all wrong. You're kind of a cunt for that. Oh, I got this. Oh, okay, yeah. Damn. Come from KB, that's rich.

God damn it, Rudy. That app would take off, though. Yeah, I think probably would. I mean, dude, a farmer's friendly can exist. They wouldn't even let that thing in the app store. Dude, please. If they let Christian Mingle exist, that's way weirder. What's Kate walking with?

Kate, what is that? Looks like an upside-down Sicilian. Oh, yeah. She likes to go to Bravo across the street. It's good shit. Really good. Looked delicious. I had an Uber-down Sicilian. Oh, yeah. She likes to go to Bravo across the street. It's good shit. Really good. Look delicious. I had an Uber.

We drove by. There must have been somebody like A-list celebrity famous because there was like 250 people trying to take a picture of him. Yeah, come on. And then my Uber driver was like, We got an empty seat, too. Whoever he is, he's just like me. Really? What?

He's like, whoever he is, he's just like me and you. That was good good that was fun okay well yeah text from who say it on the say it on the mic oh yeah sorry

we ran out of chairs before you got here I got a text from Owen you're subbing in oh I'm sorry Big T's gone he was not comfortable here anyway

trust me he was yeah he didn't want to be here anymore he is the miserable fucking cunt. No, he was great today. He was a great man. You can only get like 10 good minutes out of him before he.

He was all things. He was fine. I thought he was delightful. Yeah. I need to carry my phone around more often. I never see it when people text me. So sorry about that. That's fine.

You were just standing there and you had the new merch on. So I said if you wanted to show the new merch camera's not even on me right now no we'll get it that's cool not obsessed thank you how do you get it what's cool wait here's the sweatshirt is that yours yes oh that's awesome and then i got sweatpants and then i also have a gray hoodie as well that matches the sweatpants it went or no it was revealed today it goes live on monday at 10 a.m at the barstool store you can follow me on instagram what should people who want to do right now what what should people who want it do wait wait till monday at 10 a.m is there a wait list kate do you have any new ragged housewife merch or anything nope just the same old shit

okay getting pizza everywhere thank you for having me. You're welcome. Saucy seat. Why don't you ask her the thing you said earlier about the sailors. She may know if it's true or not. Oh, it's true. She's military. He said the Navy is like a predominantly gay field. He said the Navy's gay.

I did not say I said does that conclude the Navy? Because you're saying that sailors are gay. Is that a bad thing? Are you saying that's a bad thing? No, he's just asking. He's just curious. Yes, absolutely.

They're the gayest of the four? I think so. I feel like I heard that before. I agree with that. With a gold buckle. Becoming a SEAL. I guess that, yeah. Underwater shit is

also pretty gay. It's so hard. I couldn't do any of it. Donnie is going this weekend to hang out with the Navy SEALs on Coronado Island. It's always fucking Donnie. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. Always fucking Donnie.

Which Donnie? Chef Donnie. Hippo mode, probably, if I had to guess. He swam across the East River, and now he thinks he could be a SEAL. Yeah. Oh, no. No, the other Donnie, and he's actually going to the spot where they train. So, Chef Donnie.

Yes. We used to say Hippo mode, Donnie. I know, but because Hippo mode, he's a water guy SEAL. I think Chef Donnie. Yes. Well, you said Hippo Mode Donnie. I know, but because Hippo Mode, he's a water guy seal. I think Chef Donnie could probably do it. Oh, probably. I think he could too. Do what? The seal, or at least become a seal. Do a reasonable facsimile of what they go

through the training. At least not embarrass himself when he tries. Like a mini version. Yeah. I think he's mentally very tough. I think that's the hardest part is the mental. Yeah. I think he could do it. What was the hardest thing you've ever done? It's not very tough. I think that's the hardest part is the mental. I think he could do it. What was the hardest thing you've ever done? It's not as hard as you think. That's a secret.

But what was the most difficult? Besides bearing your friend. Don't. Oh. Yeah, besides all the dead friends. Jeez. That would suck ass. That's probably number one

Number two is probably hikes Yeah Dead friends, hikes, cleaning That's probably the order Anyways, thanks guys Enjoy your pizza See you Kate Thank you

That was nice Do you guys want me to stay go? No, you stay Have you ever buried friends? What? How many? Have you ever buried a friend? Is that what you just want me to stay or go? No, you stay. You're good. Have you ever buried a friend? What? How many? Have you ever buried a friend? Is that what you just asked me?

That was going to be the next subject that we were going to go around. No, I've not lost a friend. I've only actually lost one person in my life, so I've been very blessed. And it was a grandparent, so, I mean, it wasn't out of the blue. It's comforting. Very depressing conversation. Jesus. Yeah. Dark room.

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Where else, boys? The whole chat wants Sass to address the chicken fry video. Sass, if you could... I don't, like, understand. What is this? Oh, yeah, I saw that this morning. Looks like there's been, like, 15 of them. What is this? TJ, if you could show us the understand what is this oh yeah i saw that this morning like there's been like 15 of them what is this tj if you could show us that video in question thank you o'malley's taking my spot i was just thinking about the call that i got from erica and dave it was on a live

stream on facebook live and they were like we need o'malley to replace little sass on son of a boy dad and i was like what are you guys talking about? What do you mean, dude? Like, Sass is phenomenal. He loves Bob Dylan. He's so, he's such an old soul. And I was like, dude, O'Malley cannot replace that. And they were like, no, Gaz, specifically Gaz.

Gaz. Yeah, no, Gaz hopped in. He called in, he dialed in, and he was like, O'Malley needs to be the second chair with Roan on Son of a Boy Dead. And I was like, dude, dude, like, guys, I hired O'Malley to work with me. And then. Your nepotism. Yes, and what does your hat say? Viva!

Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva! That trio has been It's a quad A quad with Fagerstein Fagerstein They've been like

Doing like some Avant-garde style Of trolling us For a while now Yeah they keep coming After me I don't know why Especially you

Yeah It's funny I like it Are you taken aback by it? Yeah No I was just like confused and then people like for some reason believed it which was the craziest part about it i did believe it i did it's supposed to be believed no you really thought that video was like serious i don't know i just saw it for the first time didn't really form an opinion until now

no i think she'd do great. I'd be worried, Sass. Yeah. What were all the markings on her? Tattoos. That was like her tribal, her cult thing. The smiley face. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a smiley face, but the eyes are...

Dead smiley. Dead smiley, yeah. Sleep when you're dead. Those things over there? Yeah. Yeah, those ones right there. Yeah. People get it tattooed on them.

Yeah. People were getting that tattooed long before then. Those things right there make more money than I will ever see in my entire life. Yeah. Correct. Ever. In one month. I might just leave.

Yeah. It's funny. I actually almost got a tattoo of that exact thing, but years and years ago. Why? I don't know. It was just like... I don't know. I don't know it's just like i don't know i don't know there is the like 2011 was like the big era where uh sleeping like not sleeping was the was tight trend yeah um fuck sleep for like artist for like music people and athletes

yeah the video where the black guy's narrating it and he was like if you want to if you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe then you'll be successful I remember seeing that video he was talking about 50 cent two weeks straight not a single second of sleep and that's how you're successful

he also never touched the field and it was like an East Carolina football player doing ladder drills on the beach. Yeah. Dude, that was also the same time on Instagram where I feel like ladder drills on beaches. No sleep whizzes. Yeah. So our obscure Mac wrestling team was waking up at 4 to do drills on the mat.

And we were like, this is detrimental to us. We feel like shit 24 seven. Yeah. But it's like, dude, you got it. This is it was it was like the OG Sigma grind set. You know what I mean? I mean, I get like being like, oh, don't sleep like 16 hours a day. But like you need to sleep.

Yeah. You operate like five hours. Yeah. I would say much more than five. Dude, I some people some people can can get away with five, though. Like, Owen, how much do you sleep? Four? I'm four at night.

How do you do that? Oh, my God. How do you do that? I think your brain chemistry is different. You're built different. Some people can just do that. Eight hours of rest, eight hours of work, eight hours of sleep. If I get seven, I'm good.

Yeah, I need seven. Anything below seven, it's a bad day. If I get six, I'm good. If I get anywhere below five, it's a bad day. If I get six, I'm good. If I get anywhere below five, it's debilitating. I always know exactly when I need to wake up, and I aim for being asleep by eight hours before that. Yeah, me too. I don't know if I could do more than eight consecutively. I did ten last night.

I do like six. I'm a six. What? You guys are freaks. You've got to get up at seven. You want to sleep at one, and you're good. Yeah, I get up at 6 every day. What?

No matter what time I go to bed. Are you one of those that when the sun comes up, you can't be asleep? No, I can't sleep. And I can't sleep in either. It's a problem I have. I'm jealous of that. I wish I had that. I just love sleeping.

There's no better sleeping time than in the morning. Every single morning I'm like, I'm going to wake up at 8 a.m. today. And you don't. And I never do. Except yesterday I did because me and Dave had a meeting and it was supposed to be in the morning. And I got in at like 9 o'clock. And then he got in at 12. I was like, I could have just gone with my normal schedule today.

Was that meeting talked about yesterday? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's a good negotiating tactic by him. I know. It was. Yeah. How's your sleeping, Kyle yesterday? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's a good negotiating tactic by him. Make you wait it out. I know, it was. Yeah.

How's your sleeping, Kyle? I get like eight. I don't have any issues. Standard eight. Yeah. You wake up at around eight too, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Can I just talk to y'all about y'all allowing, not you guys, but you guys allowing that lion caller yesterday? That lion liar piece of shit caller? He didn't say anything. I said that. What did he say of shit caller? I called him out. What did he say that was wrong? He described a nice interaction with Brandon and then he went on Twitter and shit on him. Correct. That's what he did. It wasn't his whole argument.

It was both worlds where you were very nice to him. I was in line to get a Coke and he came up to me and I said, okay, stay in line with me and after I get my Coke, walk over here and we'll take a picture with you and that happened and then I shook his hand

and I walked off and he's like, yeah, that guy's semi-famous and I went, I did the whole act. I was like, whoa,

semi-famous. Come on, I'm Brandon Walker. I got that. And I did all that and then I shook hands again and I walked off and 30 seconds later

on Twitter, Was it him that tweeted it? He texted his friend saying we got an argument and his friend added Dave and Dan saying, oh, this guy's bad vibes. He's an asshole.

I'm like, I just gave you five minutes. Yeah, he was a fan. I gave you five minutes. I gave you everything you wanted, and then he calls in. I don't know what he talked about. He didn't tweet it, but his friend did. But the message is he only sent negative messages. Correct.

Yeah, he made it seem like I was an asshole. Fuck that kid. Fuck that fucking kid. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. Just don't let people lie. That that kid. Fuck that fucking kid. Yeah. Yeah, no. Hell yeah. I just don't like people lying. That's all.

DC, you know, he has a Barstool tattoo on his thigh. Of what? What is it? Just a stool. Stool and stars? No, no stars. It's like a blue background with just a stool. He hasn't earned them yet.

He hasn't earned his stars. He's not a five-star general. He does a new star every year. Yeah. That would be a great thing, a Barstool, if we had to earn our stars. Yeah. We're like Cracker Barrel wait a new star every year. Yeah. That would be a great thing at Barstool if we had to earn our stars. We're like Cracker Barrel waitresses. Yeah. Yeah.

Nothing better than sitting down at Cracker Barrel and getting a four-star sitting over you with halitosis. Who would just be littered in stars?

Oh, my God. Who would be starred up? Yeah. Spider. Spider would be starred up. Spider would be a five-star general like George Washington. Devlin TGA.

Yeah, Devlin TGA. Who devlin tga um smitty would have like would have been up to four at one point had a couple revoked yeah dishonorably discharged oh you're thinking up to five stars i was thinking we cover them like a buck yeah well five is the max in the military but we don't have to adhere to those no i think there should be helmet stick i think we should get helmet stickers yeah yeah how much stickers would be tight how many stars are on the uh on the barstool logo you should know it by heart 18 16 uh jordan are you like sending an email like a work email no i i got three packages stolen yesterday and i'm pissed off and i just got my apartment that sucks and i just got an email saying that my package was delivered, another one.

So I just texted my roommate saying, please go pick it up for me so it doesn't get stolen. You should get them delivered here. It's an interesting curiosity. Can I do that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I do that because mine got stolen. Yeah, I get $250 worth of stuff stolen.

Stealing packages is the easiest thing in the world. I know. We haven't figured out a fix to it. I was pissed. You ever stolen a package? I've not stolen a package but I did get, my mother had to send me

my suit from my grandmother's funeral and I forgot it at home. She sent it to me and it got stolen off my porch. That's so annoying. $1,000 suit.

I hope it had like the card from the funeral in it so they found it and it's like a dick. It's a 48 extra long coat. Yeah. Like I don't know how many people

they're going to find. I know it's the holidays and it's like extra stealing time. It's fun, yeah. Sometimes you've got to play takeout roulette. It pisses me off. There's so many restaurants in the city that do the takeout bags on this abandoned desk that no one's

watching. I know. I always wonder. Sometimes it's fun. Sometimes even when I place an order I purposely take somebody else's because i'm bad at ordering right whenever i order with somebody else their meal is always better so i just take someone else's i have had the urge to steal somebody's lunch i stole uh i stole someone's morally it's not stealing if you leave yours and take somebody trading yeah i was walking home and there was just a bag of McDonald's right by someone's door. And it was still warm, but they weren't going to get it.

How good was it? It was really good. What was in the order? So much food. What was in it? Chicken sandwiches, McChickens, burgers, fries. Like a buffet of food. Oh, yeah. That was a good move right there.

Yeah, it was. I checked the thing. It was like an hour after it had already arrived. You should do a theft day. What two menus? It was like an hour after it already arrived. You should do a theft day. What two menus? It was ethical. I just like the sausage burrito, the breakfast burrito, and the Filet-O-Fish. I love a Filet-O-Fish.

Those are two of my top. McChicken Slap. Yeah, the McChicken. I've never had it. If you're going to have a chicken sandwich, don't go to McDonald's. It's rubbery. The Filet-O-Fish? I don't usually do chicken at McDonald's either.

It seems food poisoning to me. No, Filet-O-Fish is great. No, the Filet-O-Fish bangs. It's square. It can't be poisoned if it's a square fish. They also have scientists there whose entire job is to scientifically engineer that food to taste good. It can't taste bad. I believe in science.

What about the McRib? Were you guys ever McRibs? Really good. I never had that. Never had it. I had one. I wasn't a huge fan. Or the McRib.

Those were good. I'll go get us. You guys should do a mukbang of McDonald's. What was that challenge everyone was doing where it was like a burger? would have ordered one. I'll go get us. You guys should do a mukbang of McDonald's in here sometime. What was that challenge everyone was doing where it was like a burger, I think chicken nuggets

and fries and like a medium drink and you had to eat it in like under a minute or something? Oh, yeah. I think it was five under five.

It was like five items under five minutes. It might have been that. I forget exactly what it was. There was a shorter one like you were saying. It was like one minute. Yeah. I think it's just that. There was a shorter one, like you were saying. It was like one minute. Yeah, it was like a small drink. I think it's just a Happy Meal in a Minute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think it is. I couldn't eat a Happy Meal in a Minute. I think I could. I think the world record's under 10 seconds. The Sprite is the most important part, because that's what cleans out the pipes. You know what I'm saying? If you get it right with a carbonated drink.

Yeah, but chugging soda is hard. Are people choking less than they did in 1970 or more? I don't know. I almost choked in my apartment last night. Is that a consistent thing that people will always do at the same rate? That's a great question. I don't know. I don't know if it fluctuates.

I think it's probably a flat rate. We're not getting better at avoiding it. I don't know that we're getting better or worse. Dude, last night in my apartment, I made a sandwich, and I was eating it so fast that I had to, like, part of it got stuck, like, right here, and I had to take 30 seconds. That's, like, your stomach.

You ever have one? That means you digested it. Do you live alone? It was where it needed to be. Do you ever think, like, what would happen if you were choking? It got stuck right here? I would have to run out of my... What do you mean it got stuck right here?

Dude, it just... That's already happened. That's where it's gotta go. That happens all the time. Yeah. How do you even know? Because you feel like this tightness and you feel like you're about to like die.

It's the worst feeling ever. You're not choking. You can still breathe fine, but there's a blockage because it's just you went too hard to experience that. Have you ever had something stick in your throat

and you had that moment or a second where you're like, oh, this could be it. Yeah, I've never had that. Thank God. Or like if you're taking like medication and all of a sudden it gets stuck and you feel like you oh, this could be it. I've never had that, thank God. Or if you're taking medication and all of a sudden it gets stuck and you feel like you're going to throw up.

No, I've never had that. Have you ever had a choking scare? When I say medication, I mean like magnesium. This guy's going to eat the whole Happy Meal? Jesus. Oh. Why would you do that? Was that all the fries he just whacked?

Oh, God. I like how he has a headband on. This is Matt Stoney. He's the only guy to win the hot dog contest during Joey Chestnut's reign. Oh, he won it? He won it one year. He's like a- He ate that in 19 seconds.

Yeah, I feel like that'd be easy. No, it wouldn't be easy. Dude. No, he's the best at what he does. In a whole minute. He's the best in the world. It's like watching LeBron play basketball and say, oh, I could have done that. That would't be easy. Dude. No, he's the best in what he does. He's the best in the world. It's like watching LeBron play basketball and say, oh, I could have done that. That would not be easy.

I'm not saying in 19 seconds, but I could do that in a minute. You just watched Picasso paint. I don't think you could. I think you could do it in two. I could do it in a minute. I swear. Half a meal in a minute. I would need a Happy Meal.

I think I could do it in a minute, too. You guys should try doing that here. You want me to order a Happy Meal? No. A minute goes faster than you think. What's in a Happy Meal? A cheeseburger? Fries.

Cheeseburger. Fries. A drink. No way. No fucking way. Maybe not even three. We can bring you in Monday and let you do it. I feel like I could do it in three minutes.

Three minutes is a long time. No, you can't. I do it in three. Tons of people did it in a minute. Yeah. I don't know the standards. Okay, maybe you could. Three minutes is a long time.

But it's only one minute. No, I thought you were saying you could do it in three. Oh, I could do it. I think I could do it in one minute. I think I could. Three minutes is a long time. But it's only one minute. No, I thought you were saying you could do it in three. Oh, I think I could do it in one minute. I think I could. I can eat fast. It shouldn't take you longer than five minutes to eat a Happy Meal. McDonald's in general, you shouldn't be relaxing eating McDonald's. When you eat McDonald's, you are powering it down.

Yeah, exactly. You should get it down as fast as you can. Yeah. I mean, I was doing it for sport last night. I was just eating quickly just because I couldn't help myself. For sport. I like saying things for sport. Yeah, I was eating my sandwich with ferocity for sport.

That's crazy about the Navy being gay, though. Now I'm thinking about Annapolis, the Maryland flag, that whole vibe. That whole vibe, that mid-Atlantic vibe. Just being in a bay, really. Mid-Atlantic is the gayest region. Crab cakes are not a very heterosexual food. You're sucking on it and everything. Delaware.

And the Navy is gay. What is the Navy? The Navy is gay. Oh, man. I'm from the Air Force land. Yeah, you are. We're Air Force out in Colorado. Air Force is sick.

Navy's going to be here tomorrow. Army, Navy's at... You guys, when was the last time the Air Force Academy has done anything in athletics? Well, their hockey team made it to the Elite Eight five or six years ago, but that's about it. Why doesn't Air Force have a good hockey team? Don't they all have good sports? No. They're always pretty subpar.

They have a lot of gusto, though. They play with a lot of oomph. I love the Citadel. Zero skill, but a lot of oomph. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. The football team isn't that great.

Have they ever won? What's the best a service academy has done in NCAA football? Oh, if you go back in history, though, they used to get the best. Like Army has Heisman winners back in the 40s. And then they've got national titles back in the 40s. What about since 1970? Nothing.

Maybe a 9-2 season, a 10-1 season, something like that, but never on a national scale winning anything important. The Army-Navy games? Navy does have the all-time. Their quarterback set the record for all-time rushing touchdowns a couple years ago, so they got an all-time record. Keenan Reynolds. Those games would be a lot cooler if, like, Army-Navy.

I didn't know he was a homosexual. For just those games. That makes it crazy. For just those games, Army-Navy, they should be allowed to use To use like non-lethal Military equipment Like flashbangs Oh we were just talking

About flashbangs Are no joke College Fest 2012 That was one of the most Bone chilling moments Of my life I still couldn't tell If you were kidding

Dude I got I believe you Because I got Second hand mace And it was like I was dying Some of the people In the video Looked like They were gonna refer To that as a bone-chilling moment in their life.

I'm joking, but at the time, we were all like, we couldn't stop talking about how bone-chilling it was. We didn't sleep for two days. Somebody was smoking mace around you? You guys thought you were like, really? I was at a bar. Because they were throwing flashbangs at us. We were rendered blind. Dude, I always want to know how much a flashbang in real life compares to in Call of Duty.

Oh, I'm sure it's pretty fucking awful. Call of Duty, it's like it just goes white for like 10 seconds. Yeah, and you're like, I'm flashed, I'm flashed. He's flanking, he's pushing, he's pushing. It's probably worse on Call of Duty than it is in real life. Yeah, it for sure is. I just can't imagine dealing with that. Oh, there's my Chick-fil-A.

Boy, that was time beautiful. You should see it if you could have it before the act ends. Three minutes and 30 seconds. No, I'm going to savor my Chick-fil-A. Boy, that was time beautiful. You should see it if you could have it before the act ends. Three minutes and 30 seconds. No, I'm going to savor my Chick-fil-A because I got a sweet tea. Eat it slow. That sounds so good. Yeah, I know. I said slow.

I got good sweet tea at the Chick-fil-A in Manhattan. That sweet tea. All right, Kyle, you got anything to plug? Rough and rowdy tonight, boys. Oh, yeah, rough and rowdy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, speaking of Army, Navy, Barstool Sportsbook, please, if you have never yeah, rough and rowdy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, speaking of Army, Navy, Barstool Sportsbook,

please, if you have never deposited, you can sign up. Deposit $100, and we give $100 to Fisher House charity for... There we go.

There you go. Very cool. It's great. Viva la troops. Viva la troops. All right, you guys good? Let's run it. Let's get out of here.

Jordan, thank you for being here. Rudy. Thank you for having me. It was awesome. All right, that's the act. That hour goes by fast. He's on.

Anyhow, Mike. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shopper to a Yankee pop. It's the act. It's the act. Bye.