The Yak - The Yak Goes Hardcore Skorpion to the MAX | The Yak 7-19-24

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

Titus has a toddler emergencyYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. All right. There's the yak. Roback.com. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. They got their Azalea collection back for a limited time, just in time for summer.

Everyday shorts, elastic waistband, all the good stuff. They got 20% off all swim trunks, performance shorts, polos, more with code YAK, rowback.com, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, slash YAK. The right side of the room has been abandoned. Yeah. Leaving only the good parts. Left side, strong side. Strong side. Woo!

Right side, bitch side. Yeah, that's a – That's the replacements. That's the replacements. That's the replacements. Keanu Reeves, right? Yeah. When he played, I believe he played a replacement football player in the replacements. That could be wrong.

I don't know. Hey, boys and girl. Found another woman's jewelry in my seat. Yeah, we're trying to get rid of you. Who the fuck is? Who is she? Oh, in this seat? You guys seeing somebody else?

Another woman on the act? I don't you guys seeing somebody else another woman on the act i don't think we'll ever have another woman on the act yeah not after this experiment kate spoiling the broth for the rest what is that is that a prop from something why do we have jewelry in here you tell me i don't give women question I just give them massive debt and kids and varicose veins and saggy body parts. They don't warn you. No, they don't. And they also don't tell you that tits aren't the only thing that sag. Your ass falls apart.

Everything goes to shit. People don't believe this, earmuffs guys. I had a tight... Right? Two watermelons. Yep. Yeah. What are they now?

Two pantyhose with golf balls in the bottom. Have you heard of cottage cheese ass? Yes. No. I have. You've never heard of cottage... No, cottage cheese ass. A lot of dimples, but not in a good way. Oh. How is cottage You've never heard of cottage cheese? No, cottage cheese asks. A lot of dimples, but not in a good way.

Oh. How is cottage cheese? Like bad cellulite? Yeah. How is cottage cheese a thing? What's cottage cheese? That's a great question. I don't get it.

I don't know. I've never had it. Yes, Mark? I don't know. You already don't like the topic of conversation. No, no, no. I'm racking my brain i saw alex bennett making her baby daddy uh cottage cheese taco topping or something it's

like a taco hack why did you say that it was on my algorithm cottage cheese looks nasty i'll say that much you've been spending your spirit uh but it's good it is good but it looks fucking disgusting you pop open a little thing cottage cheese looks... It's supposed to be good for you. Like, it's a popular dietary substitute. That's what I tell Pat. That's what you tell Pat? I say it might look scary, but it's good for you. Come on.

Hop on. Does watching... Sorry. Hop on is good. We do not have sex anymore. It's okay. Hop on. We're thinking about it, though. We're starting to think about it. You're brainstorming? You're making plans? We're making have sex anymore. It's okay. Hop on. We're thinking about it, though.

We're starting to think about it. You're brainstorming? You're making plans? We're making plans. Yeah. That's the depressing part of life when you have to plan. Yeah. When you put it on the calendar.

You doing anything Thursday night? I guess not. No shows are on right now. Is that real? Because that's portrayed in movies where it's like, I'm just tired tonight. Real-ish, yeah. Real-ish? Yeah. It's pretty real, yeah. Oh, it's like, I'm just tired tonight. Real-ish, yeah. Real-ish? Yeah.

It's pretty real, yeah. Oh, it's like that weekend you planned to have sex like five times? Buddy, I... Striked up. I shit you not. I got home yesterday. My wife made a comment that leaned towards that. And I just, in my mind, I was like, I just want to play college football.

That's all I want to do. She texted me about five o'clock and said, hey, let's go out to dinner tonight. Is that the mating call? Yeah, that means let's go out to dinner tonight. But she texted me, let's go out to dinner tonight. And I'm like, I planned my whole day. My recliner. For Father's Day, they got me a beautiful recliner.

And it sits right in front of my TV now. And you got recruits. I got recruits. I'm 6-2 mississippi state in year one like things are going on i just i just um signed uh or i just committed four guys in one week huge like things are going well things are going well in starfall mississippi uh and she had to be treated like a wife like a woman you know how they be all those needs needs. Yeah. For me, it's the exercise of it all. I just can't.

I can't hack it anymore. It puts me up in one of those horse, when a horse is wounded, and you have to hoist it up. You know? And it's just too much work. You get airlifted. Unless you're doing 85%, I'm out. Oh, man.

You know how it is. Mook, you're going on vacation to Myrtle Beach, right? Yes, Myrtle Beach. You got firm plans yet? South Carolina, no plans. I think I want to do some fishing. My sister lives down there. If you bump into her, say hello for me.

Yeah. I talked to her, but I just feel like that would save me a phone call. I could do that. That's at least one phone call. Yeah. Give me her general vicinity, and I'll just walk her out. Myrtle Beach. Yeah, I don't know. Just, yeah. I could do that. That's at least one phone call. Yeah. Give me her general vicinity and I'll just walk her out. Myrtle Beach. Yeah.

I don't know. Just, yeah. You'll see her. If you see her somewhere, just, yeah. I know you don't know what she looks like, but that's okay. Does she look like her? Somehow you strike up a conversation with a stranger and you find out, that's my sister. That's going to be what I'm going to do next week.

I'm going to find my sister. It's a brunette woman with a mustache. With a mustache. Yeah, she did a mustache. I also found out the Nelk boys are going there tomorrow to myrtle beach yeah which is a problem because they're just going to attract the biggest group of 21 year old all right psychopath it's just us right all the all the guys who would be really dig into me are gone right they're not gonna the people that be really mean to me are not here today? They're not going to... The people that would be really mean to me are not here today.

I'm not clever enough. So I'm going to admit something to you guys right now. Yeah. Every time y'all reference some podcast or some... Steve will do it. Every time y'all reference any podcast characters... Anytime you reference the Nelk Boys, I always just sit there and nod along, and I have no fucking idea who you're actually talking about.

I'm with you, Brandon. I know there's the Nelk Boys and the Try Guys, and one of them had an affair. Okay. One of them eats stuff. I'm guessing the Try Guys. The other does Rube Goldberg machines. Well, I thought that we did that on this show. Well, we dabble in everything.

Yeah, I guess we do. I don't know who the Try Guys are. Do you know who I'm talking about? I do not. I think you're thinking of the Fry Guys from McDonald's. There was a big scandal. When you mentioned the you mentioned the milk boys i know enough to know that yes like you're what you said that like they might take over myrtle beach it might be chaos yeah but if the milk boys literally walked in and like sat in all these seats i would not know i'd

just look and be like can i help you guys what the fuck you guys right gotcha and meanwhile you know like everyone watching be like holy shit the milk boys and i would go why did these fucking strangers just walk in and sit down? What is happening? Very fair. I guess I always thought there were just these brothers named Nelk, like Tony Nelk or whatever. I don't even know what Nelk means. They're just like Canadian dudes that talk like

hockey players, but they don't play hockey. With long arms, Tony Nelk. And they do physical challenges, that's their thing. No, you're thinking of Double Dare. With Mark Summers. Yeah, that's Double Dare. Right. you're thinking of Double Dare with Mark Summers. Yeah, that's Double Dare. Right. The Nelk Boys like prank.

The Nelk Boys climb the aggro crag, and the tiki man comes out and grabs them. The Double Dare obstacle course gave me great anxiety. I mean, it looked very fun. I wanted to do it. I wanted to grab up the nose and grab the flag. I wanted to run up the chocolate ramp. I wanted to do all of it. But they had 60 seconds and anytime they would start off

slow and I'd start to get to worry if they're going to make it. It just gave me such anxiety. There's a lot of chaos too. The crowd's going crazy. The announcer's yelling every step of the way. A kid pulls everything out and the flag's sitting right there and they don't see it. And then one kid just takes his time and wants to be all cool.

There's a fucking remote control car on the line. Like, there's a trip to the greater orlando area when they're actually in orlando and uh a boom box a two-day three-night all expenses paid Trip to across the parking lot. I'm still shocked. I know Dave said it before. We could recreate Double Dare, no problem, right? Yeah, I think so. Maybe we should use this show as a planning episode, because when Dan comes back Monday,

we can just tell him how we want to spend his money. Okay. Yeah. That has been a nice part of being on the show, is just being like, hey, we want to do this. We want something that costs $500. I thought we as a company were going to do Wipeout for a second. Were we? Was that getting kicked around?

It might have been. I don't know. Or was it Dozen meets Legends of the Hidden Temple? I think they kicked that around. Did we do Wipeout? Maybe both? I don't know. I think they kicked around some sort of extreme challenges shit,

stuff like that. Wipeout would be awesome, which I'm sure Jeff is watching is absolutely furious right now as he's playing college football. 25. Jeff texts me, Jeff D'Lo texts me updates about his college. Oh yeah.

I've, I've chatted with him about the game. How's he doing? I doing better than me doing what you mean in college football, 25 or general life. Both. Did you, by the way, a shout uh shout out to um out of order i think great sketch i think that's one of their best sketches it's just sass and feidelberg and just the two of them sass is playing the game feidelberg is his

exasperated friend it's fantastic so yeah if you watch the show i know you got the sense of humor that out of order is catering to. Go watch that. They covered everything. Greer Stallions was so good, too. Yeah, it's just really – that was Greer, wasn't it? Yeah. I didn't catch what they were doing there until he actually had left the room and said, oh, that's just a guy that I pay to do that.

Yeah. But it's outstanding. Up there for one of their best. So I got Sass hooked on ncaa 25 yeah i beat him 89 to 41 he was very pissed off and the past two days i've just been getting texts from him uh saying dynasty is infuriating you've created a monster i can't stop playing this game um and yesterday he beat me did he got good in like 24 that didn't take him long no the game came out monday came out monday and he's gone through an entire genesis or entire played like two seasons of

dynasty got fired from bc you have any interest in college football at all uh he has interest in nfl i think now with this video game he'll start to draw some interest hilarious yeah my entire text history was says kicks up in the summer. It has kicked up this summer. It's just us texting fish pictures back and forth. That's nice. And he'll text me a picture. I'll say that's a gay looking fish. I'll text him a picture.

He'll say, where is it? You know, he'll just, uh, we disrespect each other heartily, but it is one of my favorite things to get a fish picture from anybody. Really? Anybody wants to send me a fish picture? Okay. My goals. My goals this week, Titus's get a fish picture from anybody really anybody wants to send me a fish picture okay my goals not you my goals this week titus's sister fish picture just to see just to see yeah like that was the way the way you phrased that was was out of pocket all you all you need to

do is see her could have said i want to meet titus's sister it's just a blank check box you know see titus's sister myrtle beach is a place that people almost universally hate on but if it was so there you go if it was so bad people wouldn't go to it as much and I've never actually been there I got a lot oh you've never been that's surprising it's like a like a southern I've been to Charleston but I've never been to Myrtle Beach isn't it a southern haven it is for that side of the south yeah for my side of the south you go to the gulf it's Destin and Orange Beach and all that yeah so I got a lot of messages yesterday being like, it's like trashy and shady. And I'm like, I'm just staying at like a nice hotel on the beach.

And I'm not leaving. Like, I'm not planning on like that. This is not a vacation for me to go out and get hammered. This reference will hit all of you perfectly. It's got big Janelle from Teen Mom energy. Oh, what's up, Tate? Tate. Tate, all right.

We're doing the yak. Oh, Titus, they just called your toddler's daycare. Yeah. Your toddler has very bad diarrhea, and they said you need to go. The diarrhea? That's what they said. They called you? They called me.

They said emergency contact because you were on the yak. You weren't answering. So diarrhea, and you got to go. Shit. I don't know. Sorry. I guess. You have a toddler?

Okay. All right. Bye. Is this this a thing This has to be something What Cause he's cooler than us and he wants to go do fun stuff On Friday We're losers Well that was a daycare I mean me and Titus only do stuff on the show

So I don't really know his personal life Does he have a kid Does Titus only do stuff on the show, so I don't really know his personal life. Does he have a kid? Does Titus have a kid? What if he just now found out, and that's how he found out? Yeah. I could see Titus pulling a blind side and adopting a child so that it could actually go D1 and make the league. After yesterday's story.

Don't. Have you gotten the diarrhea call from daycare? I forgot my keys. I forgot my keys. Yeah, it's bad. They wanted me to pick them up, so I'm going to go get my toddler. Have a good yak. Oh, no.

He left us. It's a Jurassic World. I don't. Do the Cubs play at home today? No. That fucker. That fucker. Titus, you dickhead.

I think you've. Might be a good time for that third read, boys. I think it's a little late. Oh, yeah. Might be a good time to tell you about game time. Did you know that you can get tickets to Diamondbacks at Cubs today for only $47? That's right. Thanks to Game Time, the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports.

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Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account, use code YAK for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Download the GameTime app today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Two things. I will be finding Titus' sister in Myrtle Beach for sure now. And TJ, you're getting clip farmed next week.

Brandon will not understand that, but Titus is about to get clip farmed out the ass on Mostly Sports. Yes, I don't understand clip farmed. Don't worry about it. I can't worry about it. It's only 12-16. Well, I don't know what to do. Do y'all want to run around and draft people?

Yeah, let's do it. Most of the people here today suck. It's a light crew today. I just, to me and this is just me talking oh we have the new pmt intern hole i feel like if you work at barstool sports then work at barstool sports yeah this taking time off because it's the summer this going to the wherever to because some like we work the yak still goes on mostly sports still goes on and maybe i'm just old school.

Maybe I'm old fashioned. I say, get your fucking ass in there, entertain the people, and don't use the summer as some sort of time to gallivant around the country with your family. Quit dicking around and fucking be here. We work here. We get paid to work here. Preach, brother.

I got in at 11, so I can't say much. 11 o'clock today? But you're here for the yak. That's true. Guys like Kyle. Nobody talks about Kyle, but the worst guy we have. Who takes vacations? Yeah, it's bullshit.

It's ridiculous. It's terrible. I hate it. Is this the part of the show where people walk by hoping to get grabbed? I believe so. You know what I used to do? Jacob is very excited about the nutmobile today. When I was growing up, me and the neighborhood

girls, we had one neighbor with a pool and when it got hot out, we would just slowly walk by their house over and over and we'd look hot and desperate. Oh, hi Mrs. Ross. I've done that for multiple different scenarios.

Girls. Oh, the sad walk by? Sad walk by trying to get her to pay attention. Dude, I did that on the yak for the first couple of months I worked here. Slowly walk by? Yeah. I got here in 2019 and Dan said, you know, whenever you're in town, you can come on the yak. No problem.

And then I moved to New York and I was like, well, I'm here. And he said okay well whenever we have an empty chair you can uh you come on the act and i would just coley was on the show at the time caleb and i would just walk by slowly every day just to make sure just everybody good everybody checking yeah and then uh eventually uh they some of them left and i show needed that your energy that's not come on come on in if if this were the hundred acre wood is that what it's called yep i would be eeyore clinical depression and body issues basically it's pretty good looking like a donkey uh-huh oh i actually had um my

mandarin uh phrase of the week go yeah are Yeah. Oh, are you learning? And Che, tell them if this is right. Yes. Sorry, hit me with it. My Mandarin phrase of the week. Lauren, how you tang y'all being? I'll say it. That sounds racist.

That's it. I don't think that's correct. Who's Lauren? Lauren, how you tang y'all being? I don't like that. Yeah, I didn't like that at all. What do you mean? I've been doing Mandarin on anus every week,

and that's how I say it. Something with inflections making me. That means the old man next to me has diabetes. Oh. What? Why? That's pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good.

It sounds accurate, at least. That does sound accurate. It was an accurate representation of this room. Yeah. Now, do a phrase about that old whore to your left the old okay one second you're gonna have to give me a second i'm learning in uh in very weird phrases so i did uh tj have you checked to see the legality of the other thing yeah they're fine they're fine they're not not fine in new york city they're fine here okay do y'all remember that time we were uh on

the yak and uh we just one person just pulled out that jail gun and started shooting the fuck out of everybody else? Yes, I do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have... So, here's the thing.

I'm not going to... I'm not... Oh, Jesus. I'm... Yo, that thing's... Oh, my God. One of you has one behind your seat. I'm uh... Ah! Yo, that thing's... Oh my god! Ah! One of you has one behind your seat.

No, you... Ah! Yeah, shoot his ass. Oh, fuck! Get him! Right in the head, Kate! Okay, alright, no, bad idea. Bad idea, bad idea. Did I get you in the eye? Let's head, Kate. Okay. All right. No, bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea.

Did I get you in the eye? Let's shoot the interns. Okay. Yes. Wait, let's call people in. Kate, you hit me right in the fucking head. I'm sorry. Sorry.

I'm sorry. It's okay. Okay. I'm done. Kate, Kate, Kate. We have the guns. Let's not shoot each other. You didn't get me. Okay. Jesus. Kate, Kate, Kate. We have the guns. Let's not shoot each other. You didn't get...

Okay. Jesus. Oh, fuck yeah. Okay. Everyone put your protective nerd glasses on. All right. Don't shoot Mookie. He's been scabbed for months.

It's true. That's true. We have sunglasses. What happens if you hit the glass over there? I have... Oh. Yeah, these are... These might be...

These fucking rules. These might be a little too powerful. Quit shooting... Oh, this is so addicting right away. Fuck. I know. So I've been tired of y'all fucking with me. Yep.

Uh-huh. And I know people fuck with you too, Kay. Do you have an energy just buzzing through your body right now? Yeah, I do. Holy shit. Yeah. Holy shit. It feels good.

So I guess anybody that walks by can get it. Okay. If that's how y'all want to do it. Yeah. Or if y'all want to do it yeah or we all want to play do we want to lure them in here or do you want to just tell them to come in and light like light them up well let's look at that couch spider i'm not shooting i like him uh that's danny danny just come in and talk if he wants um is that quigs i mean so you you see the man next to Quiggs? Yeah. That is the new PMT intern, Hole.

H-O-L-E? I believe so. His name is Jason. NBA Hole. Wait, Jerry's not here? Oh, NBA Hole. What's that in DraftKings? Is that a long time? Now that I've hit you both in the face, no face shots.

No face shots? Well. Kate, you got the tip of my dick. Like, not even kidding. Hell yeah. Sorry. Kate, I gave you a gun. You immediately went into Unabomber mode.

Wait, let's get Jacob in here. I don't want to. Oh, God. Yep, yep. Go, go. Get him. All right, Fasoli. You can sell it a little bit, man. Be careful of his belly. It's going to bounce back. All right, Fasoli. You can sell it a little bit, man.

Be careful of his belly. It's going to bounce back. All right. Never mind. Make him leave. That's addicting. I played paintball growing up. No.

I played paintball growing up. You can't scare me. I have a question. Imagine saying that to anybody. Yes. Could we get in trouble for hundreds of water beads on the basketball court? Do you know what that basketball court has had on it? Oobleck.

Jerry's piss. Probably. Jerry's throw up. Every bodily fluid you can have has been on that court. All right. You guys are done shooting me, right? Yeah. No.

I'm just going to be honest. I don't know. Holy shit, I went right up his short. Also, for the second hour. That's in my ass. For the second hour, my death match wrestler friend is sitting in mostly sports. Yeah. We could break stuff over his head. Really? Yeah, sitting in mostly sports. Yeah. We could break stuff over his head.

Really? Yeah, I'm so down. Yeah, I'm into that. I don't really know what we can break over his head, but we can break anything over his head if you guys like. Or we can hit him with a chair. Someone's coming by. Yeah.

Wonton. First of all, you should just be in here. Yeah, Wonton, come hang. Mook said he would invite me if I was needed. I mean, look at the fucking room, brother. You're needed. I'm sorry. Come on, Kate. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was fucked up.

I'm sorry. Don't sit right next to me. I'm sorry. I'm going to shoot you. I cannot help it. Sit there. I physically cannot help it. Oh my god, did I get you in the face? No, you did not. Okay. You got me in the chest. Okay, I'm sorry. I won't do it again.ate's got some aim on her can you can shoot me but you have to give it right back okay do you have a background with guns it's been a minute but this gets the tingle going again yeah you you immediately she's not why are you i'd say this every time somebody

wears a gray hoodie why are you dressed like the Deadbeat dad in Fresh Prince I'll tell you What does that say The old whore next to me is beat Confirmed Is that what it means Say the other thing

Confirmed The other thing Wait What language is this Mandarin All right, say the other thing. Confirmed. The other thing. Wait, what language is this? Mandarin. Mandarin, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, one more time. Oh, yeah, you have to take Chinese lessons for like a year? Yeah, I'm learning Mandarin.

But I'm learning it in like vulgar phrases. What did you just say? Do you know? No, but have you learned new bee yet or shabby? Not yet, no. What'd you just say? New bee,

it literally translates to cow's cunt, but it's like a compliment. It means... Wait, is cunt just a word that gets translated to? Yeah, new bee means like cow's vagina, but it actually means like awesome, badass, cool. Oh, fuck.

So cow's pussy is cool. See, I knew that would pay off. Yeah. So then you're just like newbie. It was back in high school. Cow vagina. Newbie. Newbie.

Me and my friend spent all night trying to go fuck a cow and then we got there and it was a bull and we almost didn't fuck it stop stop ah and then yeah i think like i learned i learned this because i'm uh talking to girls on hinge with mandarin i'm sending them voice memos in mandarin are they asian no okay no but i'm afraid to get catfish so i learned uh i think it would be tilapia that means are you real yeah yeah yeah i'm getting good yeah so it's it's not she yeah okay asian asian catfish yeah tilapia that's oh hey you're you're on fire brother it's actually not zen either so it's and that means are you real are you real okay yep boom i'm learning maybe maybe i'll come with you to uh china one day

i doubt that's what he intended here mook they have made it very easy to get tourist visas now i i highly doubt he's giving you brief chinese lessons so that you will then one day come with him to china i mean mean, who knows? I know. I have a 10-year tourist visa to China, so if I want to go back any time in the next 10 years, I can. If you had to draft somebody in this office to take there, who are you taking? Che. Well, that makes sense.

That sounds counterintuitive. I think he's the least Asian person I have ever met, and he needs to reconnect with his culture. That makes sense. His dad was actually born in Hong Kong. He is super un-Asian. But then I don't think Che could find Hong Kong on a map. It's off the coast of China somewhere. But if we brought up a map, would you be able to like...

Che, bring up a blank map of Asia. Would you know where? I know it's an island, for sure. Get him, get him, get him. Location of Asia, please. I know it's an island. For sure. Get him. Get him. Location-wise, eh. No. I'm not shooting Danny.

I feel bad for shooting Donnie now, so I'm not going to shoot Danny. You guys shot me. Yeah. No shit. Come sit. Have a seat. Sit in Big Cat's chair. Just in the legs.

You can do his job better. Sorry. Just one's in the legs. It's easier for cams if you do in between one of these two. This? Where? Yeah. That's why I was going to sit next to him. Which one's Hong Kong, Che? Because now they've got to change cams and there's like three people here.

Wait, that's not an island. Yeah, Che, I don't think that's an island at all. Is it not? Looks like a peninsula. What's the problem, guys? Sit the fuck down. They're trying to get feng shui.

Keep it like that. That's a lot of calf movement my eyes are picking up on. Musical chairs. Okay. All right, we're settled. Make somebody feel good. Where's Kyle at on vacation? Does anybody know?

He's in Oregon. Really? Yeah. On vacation. He's going to Crater Lake, I believe. That sounds lovely. Oh, it's beautiful. Kate, goddammit, you say great tubing about every fucking state on this planet.

It's because that's true. No, she wants... Is there great tubing in Maine? Yeah. She wants to talk about the great tubing that she has down below. Is there great tubing in New Mexico? Actually, there we go. Alabama.

I'm sure you could. You know what I want? Bear Creek is fucking great. The way they tube up here in the Midwest that I haven't done yet, it's like the only kind of tubing I haven't done, is those big barn pools, the metal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like 15 feet across. They'll put a whole family, like 15 people in a big circle

with a cooler in the middle and go down the river in those and that's awesome that's a lot of fucking effort isn't it that seems like a whole lot of effort hi dan seems hey yeah uh nick texted me told telling me to come on here yeah now i realized it was just to get shot sorry no i don't think he knew about the the guns okay i think he was just trying to save the show can i ask where everyone is even though you probably uh nick is somewhere i don't know where big cat is and then i'm gonna I think he was just trying to save the show. Can I ask where everyone is? Nick is somewhere. I don't know where Big Cat is. I'm going to start the rumor.

Titus had to tend to his baby mama. Yeah, Titus is tending to his baby mama. And then Kyle is in Oregon tubing. Tubing? People travel to tube? We don't know if he's only tubing. I'm sure there's some out-of-doors adventures he can have out there. Some jet skiing. He mentioned there is a VR emporium that he cannot wait to go to.

That can't be real. Wait, is he on a VR vacation? Is he in his apartment right now? He actually could. He's just got the Zoom tropical background going. I mean, a virtual vacation. Would you be shocked if kyle bauer took a week off to just stay on the wander app and just virtually travel this country not at all

whatsoever vacations are relative term it could be whatever you want it to be you don't got wherever you want yeah it's just not going to work right correct i also don't think kyle could do anything that would shock me like if kyle came back with breasts, it wouldn't shock me. He's just like, yeah, I've always known I'm a woman. No, even if he just. I got into it last week. I saw it on TikTok and I just wonder what it would be like to have him. So I just got him.

It wouldn't shock me. Yeah, we did a whole episode on dudes with tits, getting tits. Don't until you try it. Yeah, you could be a perfectly straight man and just want a set of tits. I don't think you could. That might be the straightest thing you can do as a straight man. No, the straightest thing you do is like other people's tits. You don't want your own. But then if you have

your own, you can be like fondling tits all the time. All day. Steve-O's getting tits, right? Steve-O's getting tits. That's what brought the whole thing. I was going to say, what else could have brought that up? Why is Steve-O's getting tits for right? Stevo's getting tits. That's what brought the whole thing. I was going to say, what else could have brought that up? Why is, is Stevo's getting tits for a show or just, why is he getting tits? We came to the conclusion because it's hilarious. Okay, fair enough.

That's kind of like the whole thing. Why, when did you slip into the sunglasses? I'm afraid of the gel blasters. Can I say you look really cool? Yeah, way cooler than you usually look. You always look better when like half your face is covered. Agreed. Thanks, Danny.

Not just you. I was killing it during COVID. Fucking mask on. I will say this. Gingers get a bad rap for being the whitest guys, but wearing all dark clothing is making the legs just pop right off the screen. The legs are milking today. Yeah.

And then you have a chair trying to hide one of the legs at least. Oh, that's really just protecting themselves. How do I look right now? Just wear a full scuba suit at this point. Yeah. Wait, there was a doppelganger of me today that actually made me question if that was me. I'm going to send it to TJ, but it was very scary.

I get a lot of fucking doppelgangers. So do I. And it's never like... It's always Larry Bird. Oh, yeah. It's always Larry Bird. I get doppelgangers that people just send me pics of guys wearing shades and they're like holy shit it's a guy in the water it's just a guy with brown hair wearing shades and they're like oh my it looks just like him

i'm a pretty generic looking guy i get a very mcu i always look like someone's friend or someone's brother yeah i feel like i've known like three of you in my life yeah i thought you were ebo for two hours this morning yeah that makes sense see that i'll take that so who here is the biggest olympic buff i am well i don't know if i'm the biggest i fucking love the olympics i can't wait one week from today look at this one week from today i'm gonna be there and be with a beard first 10 days motherfucker you motherfucker. You go everywhere. Oh, I don't know, Mook. That's pretty good. That's like the closest I've gotten. Are we going to

talk about the guy picking his nose? Oh, shit. Large? Are we going to talk about large picking his nose? That's like a large Trent hybrid. So large Trent's picking his nose. Also the guy in the very, very back standing up. Yeah, look at that. Look at those traps. Do you guys ever use the thumb when picking like that?

No, he's in there. That's more of like a scratch for me. He's got the rakes in there. He is in there, man. But that is me with a beard. Same build. I don't know. Yeah, same legs.

It kind of looks like Corey Rutledge a little bit, too. It does. Yes, it does. I'm sorry. That doesn't look like Corey Rutledge a little bit too. It does. Yes, it does. I'm sorry. That doesn't look like Corey Rutledge, guys, from this angle. That looks like Fatter Chief all the way to the left. You can't get Fatter Chief. Or Fat Chief.

Sorry, not Fat Chief. Nope, you said it. Are the Chicago guys here today? White Sox Dave is up there. Can we light up Dave? Chief is up there too, actually. You guys here today? White Sox Dave is up there. Can we light up Dave? Chief is up there too, actually. You guys shoot Dave? I'm not going to shoot Dave because Dave would probably just actually fight you.

Yeah, well, if you shoot him, he's just going to think it has something to do with me. So I'll be getting all the blame so you can do whatever you want. Oh, what if I hit somewhere really hard to find me and I was getting people? You were sniping? Is it too soon? Is it too soon? Can we get you on the roof? You know what?

Great idea today. Let's reenact. Earshots. Let's set up a stage. Just getting people in the ankles. Mook, I hate that's such a good idea. Reenacting. Like Donnie's plane rescue, but we're just reenacting the Trump shooting.

Which I still think was just an excuse to beat the shit out of me. Yeah, oh, fully. Because y'all always beat the shit out of me. Well, let's see. Let's see if you stay in the middle. We'll get on the second level. We'll see if we can hit you just in the ear. This is the worst idea we've ever had.

Yeah. If one of us manages to only just clip the ear. This is the worst idea we've ever had. Yeah. Just out of here. If one of us manages to only just clip your ear. Great idea. Put full padding on all his body besides his right ear. All right. Just leave it exposed. TJ, can you talk us out of this?

We have to aim for your head, and then we have to say one, two, three, and then you do that thing that Trump did. A quarter turn. Yeah, a quarter turn, and then it has to nick you. Is this a bad idea, TJ? Reenacting the assassination attempt.

Mm-hmm. Who's the president? It's relevant. It's topical. Brandon, he's the closest to Trump's size. Again, you're just using this. It has to be Brandon. You are a very similar size and shape to Trump.

I'm pumping the brakes. We're going to pump on the brakes. Okay. They're not talking about'm pumping the brakes. I'm pumping the brakes. Okay, Keith. They're not talking about killing me. No, I know, but. They did it in Fortnite already. I mean, come on. How do they do everything in Fortnite?

It was out the same day. There was a full Fortnite reenactment of the assassination attempt in all my TikTok videos. When I do a reenactment, everybody gets pissed. That's what I'm saying of the civil war on the weekends now if we did an older one that's not as fresh why don't we get a couple wheelie chairs pretend it's jfk's car i'm up there on the thing and can i can i get three shots right that's how many you took yep That's a good compromise. How did Franz Ferdinand

eat it? Here's the Fortnite one. Franz Ferdinand, this was out two hours after the assassination. No, I don't want to see this. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Pass. So fucked up. Jesus.

Or we could just continue shooting people at our pleasure. Franz Ferdinand, the first three people that tried to kill him all missed. One guy threw a bomb. It just bounced off the car and then killed some people. And then that guy jumped off a bridge and tried to kill himself. But the water was like nine inches deep. And then a crowd just like came down on him and beat the shit out of him. Embarrassing.

And so then the guy got away, and he went to the function he was supposed to go to, and then it's when he was leaving, just happened to drive by the fourth conspirator, and he was like, holy shit. And then his car broke down, so they tried to reverse. They couldn't, and he just shot him point blank. Is he the first person to get shot in a car?

No. 1914? First assassinated? Maybe not. Yeah, maybe first had a state to be assassinated in a car. Yeah. I'll go ahead. I guess there hasn't been many.

Our guys are good in cars now, right? We're not getting them in cars. I didn't know. It was two different women, I think, tried to assassinate Gerald Ford. Really? Good for us. I'm just saying we don't get to do that very often. No.

It's like being a hibachi chef. I can see why he survived. Yeah, keyword tried. Is there, like, one of the Secret Service ladies is getting a lot of shit because people think... She couldn't holster her weapon. She couldn't holster her weapon. All right.

That's... Yeah. In the heat of the moment, no matter how much you train for it, I don't think... I think that that's... I don't think it's that crazy. But I think the bigger deal... I'm not worried about her not holstering her weapon. The bigger deal is when they were standing on stage and the two women are five foot three.

Trump's like six four. Like they were standing in front of him and there was still a good foot and a half of Trump that was just wide open. Yeah, they got to get on each other's shoulders. Like kids trying to sneak in our movie. Yeah. And neither one of them brought him a sandwich.

I didn't want to say anything, but that was the part that was bothering me. You think that's why they were there? Because Trump needs a sandwich occasionally? Does Trump eat sandwiches? Oh, for sure. I feel like he's a steak-only type of guy. Yeah.

Like, just huge cuts of, like... They make chicken. Well done. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. That came out when he was running for president the first time, and they tried to turn... Like, it became a big deal.

They're like, did you hear that Trump eats his steaks? Well done. Well done. I'm not a steak snob. I don't get mad when people say they want theirs well done. I don't understand it. Yeah, it's very off-brand. I think I do now.

Older people have a harder time digesting the raw meat. So that's why it's like a big 70 years old and up thing to get your steak well done. Yeah, but if you're, yeah. The weird thing to me is that he likes it baby-burned into his mouth. You've got to chew it up first and then... I don't know what's weird about that. We all like a good move. We all like our mom to regurgitate our food into our mouth.

Do you want me to call Big Cat and run this idea by him? No, I think the idea is probably poor. Probably a poor idea. He said he's available. I'm not a big swinging dick at Barstool but I am going to go ahead and make the executive decision we probably shouldn't recreate the assassination okay

this is why we ask this is why we ask questions it's a good question it's a fine question but no I don't think now again we do need to find stuff to break on my wrestler friend's head can you say who your wrestler friend's head.

Who is, can you say who your wrestler? Oh, he's been on the show before his name's or invite. He's a death match wrestler. And I said, if we get bored today, can we, can we do stuff to you?

Can we, can we? And he said, yes, I heard him talking in the other room. He said he'd be willing to take a watermelon to the head. I don't know how visually you, I mean, if it actually, I if it actually yeah that's what i was

shocked because like that would probably that could do some damage like a normal person but he's a death match wrestler yeah i think he could handle it you know what i've been wanting to do and i've said it on the act like i feel like every year i say i want to do it i want to do the watermelon and we each have to take turns putting a rubber band on it. Yeah. Have you seen that? Yeah. And then it like explodes. Only problem is Marty Mush and Dana did that. Oh, they did? Yeah.

During COVID when they were stuck at Marty Mush's house, they did that. And anything that those two can do, I feel like should be beneath us. What if we get Bell's palsy? Those two are fucking cavemen. Huh? What if we do Bell's palsy? All right. Maybe not.

Let's just get a palsy. Okay. Don't have to be specific. Cerebral palsy is a rough one Maybe not. Let's just get a palsy. Okay. Don't be specific. Cerebral palsy is a rough one. That's a rough one too. I would rather have Bell's. I think I know the answer to this question. Are there any good palsies?

Probably not. Some better than others. Palsy. Palsy draft. Palsy? Spin the wheel for the palsy. What exactly is a palsy? Can we policies i don't i don't know what oh palsy it pretty much just means a paralysis so okay so are there any good types of paralysis

well it's funny you it's funny you said that because i did text nick this morning i said hey if i'm running the yak today and i run out of topics can you give me some topics some nick provided topics to just go ahead and do and he sent me an entire paragraph all about the paralympics and that's all he want to talk about was paralysis can you bet on it would you bet on it what would you look for in a paralympic athlete to bet on um what does the paralympic podium look like can we pull up i don't know if the music is on. Whoever is running the Paralympic team Twitch or TikTok is like the funniest. It is like the funniest shit. We got a good Paralympic TikTok. She's right, but we can't.

Okay. Oh, it's a Paralympics. I highly recommend checking it out. At Paralympics on TikTok. It's unbelievable. It is extremely extremely good i know what i'm doing tonight yeah i tell you what though i'm taking a look at the paralympic podium right now and it i don't i can't understand how they got those

wheelchairs up there it's got to be a ramp there's got to be some ramps but i can't see the ramp maybe they come up maybe they come up through the ground yeah no they bring the ramp in they get them up there and they take them out for the picture. And they bring them back. It's like how we move the cornhole board during the gauntlet. Okay, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think. If I was looking for a Paralympian, I would look for a guy out of Texas that played football and got disabled on the field, and he was really good.

Yeah, but that... And he was going to Notre Dame, and he was beloved by by the community and now this is what he has to turn to this is what he's going for what would he what would he be playing are you referencing something blowing over my head it's jason street yes okay is he in the paralympics i wanted to see what was that that's the tv show yeah tv show i didn't watch the tv show you didn't watch the friday night lights tv show and it sounds like something right up my alley brandon but i watched the first two episodes of the first season and they had a 16 year old fullback named tim riggins who had 38 man 38 year old man problems i'm like i'm not and he was he was like a sophomore in high school he's a

sophomore in high school he's getting drunk every night he's he's he's like he he's a 38 year old widowed man yes and he's actually in high school. And I was like, I'm not watching this movie. Yeah, and he drives a truck around angry. The tax evasion episode was crazy. He's at H&R Block. I watched the movie. I love the movie.

I love the book. I gave the TV show two episodes. And I know I probably whiffed. I know it was probably. You whiffed. You would love that show. I've even tried to get into it later. When you play college football, do you have a stimulation tv in the background

do you have a second screen going up stimulation screen why do you have is this a real thing yeah so you're playing the game and you have a second screen just to get your eyes i have a monitor like on like my coffee table and i I have my big screen in the background with podcasts. How do you do that? Because it's not all action. You know what I mean? What I do on college football is I put my recliner about three feet from the TV. Yeah.

TV's big. I turn the volume up to 100. It's okay. She's just going to shoot herself. I turn the volume up to 100, and I want the sounds of the game and the bands to just... You want everything. Yeah, I want it to just blow me off the page. That's fair.

And that's what I do. But that's what dudes are doing today. They're doing like three TVs. You need like a VR headset at that point. I create my own VR headset. And my wife hates it, but I just sit like three feet from the TV, and I blast. I got surround sound.

I just blast every noise I can... I want to feel like I'm in the game. I invite a whole cast of people over to my house. I hand them a script and I have them do a whole play in the living room while I'm watching TV, hanging with the kids. As most do, yeah. I've done that before. But you don't ever, like, when you're watching TV, you're usually on your phone. That's double screening.

That's like what we're talking about. Not if I'm watching TV. I'm not on your phone. That's double screening. That's like what we're talking about. Not if I'm watching TV. I'm not on my phone. I went triple screen. If I'm just sitting and I can't find anything on TV, I might pick up the phone and look. But if I'm sitting down to watch. Uh-oh. Play the music.

Wait, come here, Smokes. Come here, Smokes. Smokes, come here. Smokes, come here. He sets a box down and says, you're welcome. Bring it in here. What's in the box? It's for you. Bring it over here. Then bring it here. Those glasses. box down and says, you're welcome. Bring it in here. What's in the box? It's for you.

Bring it over here. Then bring it here. Those glasses. That's Nicholas smokes. Nicholas Q smokes. That's Charles. Yeah. Yeah.

What's with the glasses? Why do you look like you've given up on life? What happened? You've been sober for six days. It looks like a librarian. Nikki, there's literally three empty chairs with mics. Why are you just standing? Take a seat.

Sorry. I'm done. I'm sorry. I'm a girl, so I know. Yeah. Brandon's the only one that doesn't consider me as a person. Yeah. Well, I'm not the only one.

I feel safe doing things that are wrong. Hello, Nicholas. What's up, buddy? What is in the box? I don't know um i was told that i need to go to home depot get these boxes and then these 40 watt lights that i'm presuming you want to smash over someone's head oh fluorescence correct oh god get the tarps out so where's the lights They're in there? Well, Liam's walking them over right now.

I have no idea what the boxes would be for. I have no idea either. Oh, you put them in the box so when it shatters, it just goes in the box? That doesn't make sense. I think that's just a method of transportation because if those things even nick something, they're going to pop if that's a fluorescent. I was thinking that they're gonna stand on top of the box and jump off of it and hit the guy in the head with the light this is this is why would anybody stand on a box we have chairs yeah we have oh i was just

trying to figure out the purpose of the box and i have no idea i mean this is the ending of seven there's gonna be a woman's head in there there's nothing in there how's uh how's how's your life going it's going really good um it's being dominated by college football 25 but it's exactly where it needs to be how many days sober i am 12 days sober sunday will be 14 days sober and then next saturday quick math is my birthday and i will pop off on my birthday and then i kind of like this sober lifestyle a little bit more i feel like yeah how do you feel like mentally pop off on my birthday. And then I kind of like this sober lifestyle a little bit more. Yeah, how do you feel, like mentally? Pop off, aka.

I feel a lot better. Like I didn't have terrible anxiety on Sunday, which was great. When I came into work on Monday, I wasn't sluggish or felt like I had to catch up with, you know, just being in your head the whole time. And I don't know, I feel good. I have a clear head. I'm active.

I feel strong. I feel healthy. Did you make buddies at Run Club? No, I yes no i actually buddies did you fuck at run club everyone thinks i went there to fuck and look don't get me wrong like the girls here were fucking beautiful but my uh professional wrestling buddies here my death match buddy can we smash fluorescent light tubes over his head that's his mom he's talking to. Okay, thanks. See you. I actually found the perfect thing for smokes. I think with this, you'll be able to stay sober for years even.

TJ, can you bring up the Wanna Bump? Yeah, just search it. You can buy it on Amazon, I think, as well. It's fake cocaine, but it has caffeine in it. And I think some other stuff that's actually good for you. There's smokes coming in with the glasses talking all sophisticated.

Did you get the link? No, I did not have intercourse when you're in a run club. You're like Patrick Star when he gets hit in the head by a scientist. But how about this fake cocaine? Yeah, big energy.

Wow. Anytime, anywhere. It comes in a little vial. It's a white powder. You just rack up lines. Now, do you think this would be an HR violation if I was just dumping that on my desk and ripping lines?

$9.99? Synthetic coke. Yeah, $9.99. Way cheaper than what I get. Healthy alternative to cocaine. I'll be damned. Yeah, but I wondered about that. Would people complain if you were just doing bumps of that at your desk?

I don't think you could get in trouble. I don't think they would complain. What's one thing you could snort that people would think is acceptable? It's the same as doing, I mean, it's the same as drinking a Red Bull at work. I don't think you snort anything good. Right. Nothing. Yeah.

You're not snorting anything healthy. Nothing good goes right through the nose. Yeah. No, nasal spray. Spray. Nasal spray. But that's a spray. It's not.

You don't snort that shit. Feidelberg went through a big snuff phase. So that's just like snortable nicotine. No, you don't snort snuff. Yeah, you do. Yeah, snuss. No, you just stuff it in there. Snuss, you don't snuff.

Oh, snuff. Snuff, you dip. S-U-N-U-F-F. That, you snort. Yeah, there's two different ones. That's the one with the device, right? It's like a Coke pop situation in the South. All like dip in Copenhagen is, we call it snuff.

Snooze. There's snooze and then there's snuff. Snuff is a smokeless tobacco. Dry snuff is inhaled through the nose. Yeah. Dry snuff. Boy, snuff is placed in the mouth. Wait a minute.

I think Brandon might need to try some snuff. I will never. I drank my dad's snuff when I was three. And then we got to put a feather by his nose and make him sneeze it all out. God knows what else was in that shit. Oh, drinking dip spit, dude. That is. I drank a full.

I drank it. He had a Coke can by the bed and I drank it. Oh, God. Did he at least dip a good flavor? Yeah. I don't remember. It was Copenhagen. He always dipped Copenhagen.

He would send me eight years old into the store to get him some Copenhagen and a six pack of beer. And they sold it to you? Oh, yeah. The store? Yeah. They didn't give a fuck. That's fucking Mississippi in 1945.

They weren't checking ID. This is like 1985, but that's pretty much the same fucking thing. You think people back then really abused that? Kids trying to underage drink? My mom just handed me a note and told me to get her a pack of cigarettes and a case. Oh, yeah. Yeah? They just drank all the time and at least in the small town i was in you had trusted stores that you went to all the time so my mom could send me to the gas station down the road and i just i could say whatever and they were going to give it to me

like so she probably started doing that when you were young like eight but then as you got a little older like towards you know 15 16 we're like all I'm going to abuse this and get beer for my kid? Well, in my town, we had, it's not there anymore, so I can say it. We had Duke's Bait and Gas, and they would just out and out sell to. Okay, they didn't care? They didn't care.

That was the place. It was up off the highway a little bit. You had to go to it, but that was the, everybody knew where to go. Money's money. You're handing them a bunch of quarters. There's a button in there. I had a sit-go in my neighborhood, and I would give my guy a high school ID, and would it was like he was like yeah i'll sell to

you whatever you want yeah he was down for whatever he was up for anything i was like 15 we had this guy uh and we would be like hey we just want like a 12 pack of miller lights and he'd come back with like three four locos i'm like all right i guess this is yeah you just cut the chain yeah that was him saying, you're going to take our dead inventory if I'm going to sell it. Yeah, and that was me being like, yep, I will. Oren, come sit down. This is Oren Veidt. Hi, Oren.

Who's a professional death match wrestler. He has a match in Milwaukee tonight. Hello. Decided not to shoot him out of fear. I'm like the most shootable person here. I will eventually. So I didn't know if I wanted to invite him on the Yak,

but then I thought, well, we could just break stuff over his head. And he was agreeable to that. You're still agreeable to that? Of course. I mean, that's my sole talent and reason for my pseudo-celebrity. So, yeah. Yeah. So, was it your idea to get the light tubes? Yeah. There was nothing else. And, I mean, hollow core doors are kind of hard to find.

And I didn't know what we had vehicle-wise. Is this like your warm-up for tonight? Yeah. What's tonight? Like, what are you getting fucked up with? Tonight, we're doing shower doors um and a couple other panes of glass along with some more light tubes more more tax gusset plates the the whole deal and where is this at this is in milwaukee milwaukee okay and you were saying you think you'd be fine taking a watermelon to the head oh yeah really yeah what yeah what's the worst

i mean like a 10 pound watermelon except They're heavier than that, right? It takes a lot of force to smash. Yeah. All you got to do is just put like a little cut in it, and then it'll actually shatter. Otherwise, yeah, you might just knock somebody unconscious. What's the heaviest thing you've ever been hit in the head with? Heaviest thing? Or worst thing?

Worst thing? I mean, I've had like full tvs swung at me that's pretty awful yeah um i can see where that would suck what's the worst one that like it went down wrong uh the one that went down wrong that i talked about a little bit on mostly sports was uh we did a knife board in japan normally use steak knives they used actual like butcher knives that like donnie would use yeah and i asked him a million times like are you sure this is this seems wrong and he's like oh no it's okay it's okay it's like this okay we did it we did the move on it lands fish gills all the way down his back and then

like it was the main event first night in japan i was like everything's going great that happens i feel terrible yeah and i'm sitting there in the locker room afterwards the show's over everything's bad and they they asked me hey could you could you come with us quick sure okay i go with and then there's the police uh there to investigate me for attempted murder. Oh, my God. Did you spend any time in a Japanese prison? I did not spend any time in the monkey house, as it is called over there. That's what they call it?

They call it the monkey house. Yeah. Wow. And I had to sit there with the guy that came over, decided he just didn't need to interpret for me. And he just fucked off while I was there. If I was in your interpreter i was like what what am i supposed to do and then another wrestler came over and interpreted for me and he's like uh maybe no no worry but uh maybe uh attempted uh i was like what no no no oh that was

in asia they love saying maybe because they can't just give you bad news directly because they'll lose face. When I got fired, it was like, maybe don't come to work tomorrow. And I was like, okay, what about the day after? They're like, maybe don't come then either. And I was like, are you fired? Am I fired? Maybe never come back. So they're all like Kate Manor type.

Yes. I'm in the wrong country. They're all parents because I just use maybe to death. Yep. And then we do this. Maybe. Maybe. We'll see.

Yeah. Let's see. Let's see about this weekend. That's fine. Maybe say your final words to your family. Yes. Yes. Yes.

And my son actually said the other day, my youngest, my eight-year-old said, you're not going to do it. I said, maybe. Starting to call me out. Oh-old, said, you're not going to do it. I said, maybe. Starting to call me out. Oh, yeah. No, you're not going to do it. I've gotten that before from friends where I'm like, I don't know. I'll think about it like a maybe.

And they're like, just say no. Yeah. Oh, the we'll see. We'll see is just a hard no. We'll see is a hard no. Once the baby has stopped believing you, it's over. I don't think I have any power in my house anymore. You all right?

I'm good The way you were moving over there is a little squirrely I feel like he thinks he's better than us now There's an air about him The Charlie Day meme I do read I started Rich Dad Poor Dad Really? I got a book for you, would you read it?

Yeah A little school bus Don't worry about the book nobody cares about your career you'll like it you'll enjoy it hopefully you can read it cover to cover and tell me all about it you don't care about my career no no the book is called nobody cares about your career oh sounds great i want you to read it cover to cover and i want you to come in here and give us a report and i want to shoot you the whole time you're doing all right we could do a little it's going to give you some great advice yeah all right well you have to buy the book though and give it to me all right well nobody

else did and read all right um you know what would be a really good podcast if the richest dad working at barstool and the poorest dad working at barstool did a podcast together and talked about how easy it is raising kids when you're fucking filthy rich and the other dad talks about okay how hard it is when you're not rich didn't they do like social experiments like that back in the day we should call it podcast i wrote a book about it where they would like uh they would like displace children and put them in like wealthier families and then yes it's an incredible documentary it's called three identical strangers i watched yes that's what it is yeah and there was a set of triplets that were put up for adoption and they gave one of them to a really rich family one to a middle class family and one

to a poor family and they kind of just used their lives as like a social experiment to see how they'd wind up guess which one had the best spoiler alert it's depressing as fuck yeah in the end yeah i don't know why they you have to do that it's like it was fucked up yeah do they follow them their whole lives or is there a certain age where they stop That's basically the real life parent trap Well there's a certain age where they find out That they were being used as like a social experiment And they get fucking

They're like very upset about it Well Barstool Fails actually pitched to me and Casey Hot mom ugly mom And I I don't know what Yeah I was like Casey's not ugly. Yeah, I was like, she's not ugly. She's gorgeous.

Ever since Donnie said it, I'm very mean in my head right now trying to figure out who the poorest dad is. I know. I don't think it would be so. TJ, poll. Company-wide email. Let's poll it. Anonymous poll. You can be called a poor dad as fuck.

That's a tough one. You don't come back from that. No. No. Oh, man. Also, what if the people making that documentary just, like, got sick of it halfway through or like, oh, you know what? I don't think this is going to turn out well.

Yeah, screw it. Let's hang it up. They'll be fine. The documentary was, like, about it. They weren't the ones that were doing the social experiment. That was this, like, shady doctor that they then, like, found out was doing this experiment. Yeah. Who was hired probably by CIA or someone.

Yeah. If we're going conspiracy brain here. Yes. Why not? I want to know what active experiments they're doing now. Yeah. Because I think that guy might like that guy, like he couldn't be exposed. Like all the results of his research, it's like locked up and like they can't access it until 2030 or something.

Like Bitcoin. Does that shit ever happen, by the way? There's always like, oh, the JFK docs are coming out like this year. Like that's... I don't think they ever actually come out. I don't think anyone ever gets access to them. The UFO stuff.

Yeah, it just came out and we just didn't really practice it. We're like, oh, there's UFOs. It wasn't even front page of the news. Yeah. What was the distraction they released that same week? Something came up that week. Somebody's titties.

Tits. Probably tits. Yeah, something crazy happened. Sydney Sweeney, she's an asset. She has to drop a new selfie. Yeah. I think some things did come out about the JFK assassination. I think it's looking more and more like the CIA was involved.

Yeah. Well, Big Cat just said that it was the driver that did it. I believe it that's true absolutely it's been 60 61 years now right let's start cracking over the time vaults yes yeah yeah like they're all dead just tell us what right let's start digging shit up yeah yeah like people that buried stuff in like the 80s you know what they should do like america if you're really cool and chill this year and nobody's wackadoodle well as a little treat yeah i'll open up the 1952 god damn what can we accomplish what can we accomplish like if the election goes without a hitch

there's no riots if we're good boys if there's you know no school shootings if there's no school for one calendar year we'll tell you who killed JFK. Yes. It feels like an impossible task. And then we'd be so mad at whoever fucked that up. The next to last day of the school shooting. And we'd get mad at him for shooting up the school. Like, you couldn't wait two days to shoot up the school?

Right, exactly. Everyone starts being nice to the kid nicknamed School Shooter. Right, yeah. We just need to hold out a couple more weeks. Stay strong for us. We swear we'll bully you just a little bit less. Y'all all identified that kid in school, right? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I knew. I completely made fun of a kid in school. We all did. Nicky Smokes actually knew. Yeah. Oh, crap. I did. Sometimes.

I knew it was him before the whole world knew it was him. Yeah, that's crazy. But I don't want to talk about that loser. Fuck him. Yeah, let's not. I did. Sometimes. I knew it was him before the whole world knew it was him. Yeah, that's crazy. But I don't want to talk about that loser. Fuck him. Yeah, let's not. I hope he dies. What else? We've covered assassinations, palsies.

Paralympics. Oh, yeah. That's not sad. Yes, Nikki, you said something to say there? I'm just thinking about these boxes. Do you know why we bought these boxes? Well, they were supposed to be thinner boxes because then those just like shatter upon impact yeah those everybody shut your eyes would it would be impossible to break a box like that i yeah those ones feel pretty

durable there's a couple of uh white boards over there i'm looking at that i think i can break over your head i mean if they're breakable yeah what if they're game to be broken, what about that table that we have the body armors on? And we'll have Zawak do a wonton splash. That thing's just begging for it. Oh, a what? What do they call that? A wonton splash? You want him to jump off Donnie? No, what do they call that? A swanton

bomb? Swanton bomb, that's what I was looking for. I kind of want a wonton splash. I want somebody to jump off Donnie's shoulders. That'd be dope, right? Let's just break one of these. Yeah, I would try doing like a wonton splash. I want somebody to jump off Donnie's shoulders. That'd be dope, right? Let's just break one of these. Yeah, I would try doing like a beer pong dunk. Did you ever see those? That was like a huge trend when I was in college. Oh, yeah.

When you got one cup left and you just dive over the table. Elbow. Dunk it in, smash it. Should we break an intern over his head? Yeah. Yeah, they're breakable, right? Yeah, they're sure. Goldfinger's broke gold goldfinger kind of

walks like we got plenty of broken he walks like he has broken legs that's insane no sense you walk like someone who's been broken his entire body has he ever explained like why or is that just how his legs grew nick Nick has a theory that he has long shins. He walks like in a cartoon. He smelled something delicious, and he's just about to take off off the ground. He's about to be floating. Nick has a theory he has long shins. I was stuck on that. I can picture Nick having a diagram of him up in the anus studio.

He has a drawing of him somewhere. He has a pipe in his mouth. He must be the long shin. These shins are just far too long. You see him with a clipboard from afar just marking down notes as his finger walks. Yep, it's the shins. Have y'all ever seen Nick's notebook? Yeah, it's like this big.

It's something. Yeah, it's crazy. There's dicks on every other page. It goes from a dick assassinating a president. Right, to a president assassinating a dick. To a joke about Brandon's wife. Got the super bad Jonah Hill disease. Yeah, my wife's all over that notebook.

There are titties all over that notebook. Titties, dicks, and some funny ass ideas. It's nerve wracking having a notebook. I have one too. Oh, it's scary. It's like, joke premise, joke premise. I want to kill myself and it's like joke premise joke premise I want to kill myself joke premise joke premise I want to kill myself dude my mom I went home for break

over the winter and she found one of my old notebooks and she like just left it on the bed I opened it up and there was some weird shit in there what you think a vagina looks like it was everything she couldn't figure out it was like very there were some like sad thoughts in there from like high school and she was like are you okay?

Oh, you were journaling. I was journaling. You were writing comedy. I was a man, a man diary. Oh, you were, yeah. I was journal,

journal-ing. Okay, can you do me a favor? Solid. Yeah. Can you tell them about the deliciousness of high noon, please? Oh man, yes, I absolutely can.

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Next Thursday, Mook? The Chicago guys will be taking part in the comedy hour. So Chief, White Sox Dave, and Eddie will be standing on stage doing stand-up comedy. Also Danny. You will be doing it as well. Yeah, I'm not really sure what's going on, but I'm down. Is it a three-man weave of hosting? So we have to figure out that logistic, but it's whatever you guys want it to be.

Okay. I think White Sox Dave has a set he's prepared, so he'll do a set. Doubt it, but okay. I assumed it was those three. I didn't know. If it's you, fine. My question to you, knowing all those guys, working with them, who's got the highest bomb potential?

Who's got the highest succeed potential? I think Eddie has the highest succeed potential. Agreed. We'll see about Dave. I don't know how well it will translate if you're just screaming up there and not actually giving punchlines. That'll be interesting. How did Mintz do?

Mintz did pretty well. Mintz did. Oh, that was special. He did well. Yeah. He has the gift again. That's exactly right. Yeah.

It was special. I said Mintz getting fired from here and then going on to host the barcelona comedy night was like our version of shane gillis hosting snl after he got yeah yeah kind of a poor man's minus a few chromas poor man's part of this is that like mook and nick were saying like oh mince you're the product of incest and like just like very mean things about him and then he would get back up there and be like,

you guys really ribbed me there. Oh, wow. Wiping tears. Taking it from all angles. Wiping tears from his face. Yeah, Mince would come back on stage

like vibrating. Like he was like, couldn't control himself. But like, he, like, he didn't have it in him to say anything mean about you guys.

No. Well, Don, don't make us look like assholes. No, no, no. I mean, no, you guys fucking grilled him. Your jokes were very funny. We did grill Mincy. You guys grilled him. But then I thought maybe he would come up and say something mean back,

but he was unable to do it. No, I don't think he has a mean shirt. No, he doesn't. Well, when I was on stage, the only person I referred to as- He did make fun of you all night. That's fine. But the only person I referred to as R-worded on stage was you. Yeah, it was me.

Yeah, it was damn sure you. Every time I go, I get a special shout-out. Yeah, there's multiple R-words. Nothing. Say it with a P or a C. Okay. But also, we have Stephen Che is doing a set he confirmed okay well you are going forward with it

yes yes next Thursday a lot of people on this on the stage it's gonna be a hell of a night I'm very pumped I hate to say actual comedians but who are the comedians we haven't booked them yet

because we're not sure. We've got to figure out logistics, who's doing what. But you're going to do a set, Nick's going to do a set? Yes. And then we'll probably sprinkle in a couple of Chicago guys. Why didn't they put your face on the flyer, Danny? That's a great question, man. I think out of all of them, you probably have the best face.

I appreciate that. That was a last minute addition. I'd rather be represented as that guy. have the best face. I appreciate that. That was a last minute addition. Yeah. You look good. I'd rather be represented as that guy. Yeah. The sunglass guy. That's Washington, right? Is he the one up top? Wait, wait.

It's not like they didn't know you were going to be there because they put the word special appearance about Danny Conrad. Yeah. Face for behind the scenes. I'm just going to dress like that guy when I'm on stage. Came as promised. There's seven people on the thing, seven faces, and one of the people's faces just don't.

We can't do eight. We cannot do eight. It'll be too much. No, we need a cool ass. Too overstimulating George Washington. I like how Chief got Barstool Chief, too. Also. No Barstool Eddie.

Barstool Chief. Those sunglasses are fitting very weirdly on george washington's face kind of looks like mook what i'll be god damn it yeah that look like washington yeah take it take it george washington not denzel washington yeah oh okay wasn't washington didn't he actually have red hair, but he always just wore that white wig? Did he have red hair? It's like erased from history, a lot of favorite things. He'd rather have white hair than red hair? Do y'all think he was good looking as a youth, as a younger person?

I've never seen young George. We only know him when he was like 70, right? I've never seen young George Washington. It's like a wizard. Maybe like reading a children's book about the cherry tree or something. Yeah, but did we see him? That was Abe Lincoln. What's that?

No, that's George Washington. No, that was George Washington. Honest Abe? Yeah, that's me. Oh, that's me. Holy fuck, that's me. That sure is. Yeah, George Washington was like Steve Martin.

Holy shit. Only ever seen him with white hair. Yeah. I would let him finger me for a job. Do we have any concept of 30-year-old George Washington? No. I think he was probably 30 years old.

27-year-old George Washington? You think old George Washington was actually 30? Who's the host of Price is Right? He's kind of given that. Drew Carey? Yep. George Washington was actually a redhead. Also, Alexander the Great may have been a redhead.

Really? Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. Absolutely. That's you, Mook. That is me. Mook, you and your people should be talking about George Washington. Yeah.

First ever president. We get no respect. He's hiding it. I've given up. We got a lot of gingers in this office. We do. Me and Liam. We have three.

Connor Griffin doesn't identify. I think he does when he needs to. He does when he needs to. That's Barstool's version of diversity. Is Kyle here now? Because I've seen him. Kyle is here. Okay, so that's four.

That's a lot. Yeah. How many people are here? A hundred? In this office? I don't know. Probably like 50. I think it's more than that. 55. How many people are here? 100? In this office? I don't know. Probably like 50. I think it's more than that.

55 or something. Is it 55? Yeah. Four out of 50. That's 8%. That's 9% gingers. Are 8% gingers? We got to get those numbers down.

Yeah. That's too many. We're building an army. We're in the top 1%. Take this shit over. Bring the black hair dye. Huh. How do y'all want to break this stuff over Oren's head?

I feel like we would have to spin a wheel, right? Of people in here? Or should we do a whole office? We can do a whole office. And then make them come out and do it. That sounds fun. They haven't volunteered to do it. Say, bring them into the act.

Say, we brought you in so you could break that light tube over that guy's head. Yeah. I like that. All right. We need the whole office wheel, TJ. And I guess if they're not here today, we'll just... Or we could do an intern wheel. Break it over there.

Because I think for sure all the interns are here. Yeah. If they aren't, they should be shamed publicly. Agreed. And private. I think I've seen... I mean, 60% of the people here today are interns. Yeah.

I think they're all here. Yeah. Is Mintz here? Mintz is here. I haven't heard him talking. I heard his voice. Yeah. Mintz offered to.

Well, that just haunts the. Yeah. That was also, I thought. Nobody. What do we got up there? Quiet up there. We got tumbleweed up there. What?

Two girls and Jacob. Two girls and Jacob. That's my favorite youtube video uh why that's the bean bag it's in the middle oh i brought that there and honestly it's the best thing i ever did it's such a great yeah that's actually my my bean bag i brought it from my house because i didn't have room for it yeah but i brought it to the the middle hold on you just claimed bringing the bean bag i did bring it i brought it from my house to the office hold on he brought it here and put it in your nap room but what you just said was oh i brought that no i said i put that there

no no no you said brought did i yep i owe you an apology are you claiming another bag the office i was just saying i'm the one that put it in that smokes just loves his bags yes i did but i love that bag still are you completely you're still sober and all that yep for how long um probably till my birthday were you not here 10 minutes ago we ran this yeah he's gonna relapse soon no i'm not gonna relapse it's my 25th birthday i'm gonna go out and have fun okay but i do like this new lifestyle where my whole life isn't centered around getting fucked up and shoving shit up my nose. Yeah, it's nice. Lauren, how you a time being? I'm sorry?

You heard him. Yeah, you heard him. You fucking heard him. I just wanted to reiterate that that old man has diabetes. You have diabetes? No, I don't have diabetes. Well, we never checked. There's nothing wrong with that that i've been walking every morning that's good every day i get here i walk 30 minutes i'm averaging 7 000 steps a day this week whoa good job good for you yeah

you should get up to 10 though just push yourself a little bit more you got this sober sober smokes just handing out the life advice sober smoke he Smokes. He has a different aura about him. Have you read that book I gave you yet? No, you haven't given it to me. Oh, I thought I went and got it. Smokes watches David Goggins' video once. No, no. I don't want to be intertwined with that, no.

Starts following Jocko Wilkins on TikTok. All of a sudden wearing glasses. Got up at 3.15 a.m. Would you ever would you ever transition with your lenses no sorry che your loss when you want when you when you wise up and get a little older you'll uh figure it out more for him i haven't hit that level yet um it's coming tj you got the whole office wheel i mean mean, it's super inaccurate, but yeah. What does that mean? I made it two years ago in New York. Oh, that's fine.

Oh, we don't have a Chicago office wheel? We need a Chicago office wheel. Maybe just put the six interns plus White Sox Dave. Give me like 10 minutes. I can do that. I like Donnie's idea. Mints. Mints, White Sox Dave.

The interns. Mints is here today? I haven't seen him. Well, he might not be here. Okay. He was here. Okay, yeah. I did. I'm like Oren. I think I heard him. Well, he might not be here. Okay. He was here. Okay, yeah. I did.

I'm like Oren. I think I heard him. Yeah. I haven't had eyes on him, but maybe I do just hear him, but I think I heard him talking to me. There's a haunting voice. Just in the distance. What's up, fellas? Well, if you walk out on the basketball court,

he's the only voice you can usually hear from upstairs. Correct. He, like, wheels and deals all day. He's always in, like, a side office room, and you hear him on the phone. basketball court he's the only voice you can usually hear from upstairs correct yeah he like wheels and deals all day he's always in like a side office room when you hear him on the phone it sounds like he's closing massive deals no he's a he's a uh a constant presence on like what northwestern louisiana sports radio yep oh okay he worked for us as hard as he works for them i think my favorite he's working for a different company while he busts ass for louisiana sports radio competing with his own podcast yeah my favorite thing about mincy is

when he sees that you're working but he's dying to tell you something and he just gives you like a like a little pump fake double hezi yeah maybe circles you yeah like he circles around yeah he basically plays a box in one with everybody in the office just roaming around taking everybody's best shooter and just to tell a story uh so oh we're waiting for the the office wheel wheel oh oh shit let's do it so this could just be land on anything and there's probably out that wheel, there's probably 20 people here today. Yep. We're going to be spinning this thing.

Yeah, spin the goddamn thing. We're going to get dizzy. Oh, also, Big T just broke an elbow? Yeah, I didn't know that either. Oh, it's fucked up. But he got his cast off so he could play CFB 25. Well, see, there you go. That would have been very funny on a normal yak day.

Yeah. Oh, now we're just getting blue balled. We're blue balling ourselves. Yeah. What could have been? Done that many times in my life. It. Oh, now we're just getting blue balls. We're blue balling ourselves. Yeah. What could have been? I've done that many times in my life. It's the worst. I think it's very painful.

No shit. What is? Blue balls. Greeno. Is that Geno? Is that Geno? Let's go. No.

Geno's here. Yeah, he's here. He's in the cave. That's an Italian right there. There he is. On this orange shirt. We have Geno for now. We have four light tubes?

We have four light tubes. Is it four packs of two or just four individual? Four individual. All right. Is it easy to break an individual tube? Yes. Yeah. Okay.

I think we should make one intern do it no matter what. How entertaining is it going to be to watch somebody break a light over somebody's head? I think very. We have four, so we have to do it four times at least. We could do head. No promises on the entertainment. I would think fluorescent light tube would be better on the spine because it can go across your whole back and leave the imprint.

He's the expert here. He takes it all the time, right? What would you think for theatrics? Theatrics, I think the head is a good visual, but the back also works great because then you see the white line and everything. Do you get in a bent over posture or do you just stand and let somebody do it to you? This one I would lean over so that way it could all land on me.

We'll have Gino bend you over. Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to avoid that. Yeah, one of them should be like you getting spanked, but it's with a floor. That's doable. Okay. You said I'm the breaker or the breakie? You're the breaker.

He'd be the breakie. Yeah, I think so. No, no, I'm asking. Yeah. Yeah, what if you break the glass on the other people? I would enjoy that too. I mean, hey, if they sign a waiver, it'll be the safest thing that they've done. Gino's just afraid to hurt someone who doesn't want to do it.

For the first one, you will break it on him. So, where are the tubes? Are they in there? No, they're... I set them over there so nobody accidentally knocked them off and obliterated it. So do we want to just get the four names? Let's just do one off the back. Let's let

Gino break a light tube off your back and see where we go from here. Alright. Because we're going to get to a head shot eventually. Mm-hmm. Sounds good. You want to hear some bullshit? Yeah, from you? I don't know.

I took- I'll never hear. Me and Liam went to Home Depot. Look how thick this motherfucker's legs are. Yeah. Whoa. He's thick as hell. Yeah.

I took Liam to Home Depot to get this stuff. Yeah. And the hot dog lady wasn't there. He's never had a Home Depot hot dog. Dude. Broke my heart. She's going viral. Have you seen?

No, but that's just something I grew up doing with my dad. Fuck y'all talking about Home Depot has hot dogs? You've never had a Home Depot hot dog? I have never had a Home Depot hot dog. I've only had a Costco hot dog. Oh, buddy. The one here in Chicago is famous. Pat takes our toddler.

They go on dude trips to get hot dogs at this particular Home Depot. I'm going to make another call here. I don't think that pad is enough. We need more tarp. Well, I'm going to have to sweep the floor of all the water beads anyway. Yeah, we need a larger tarp. So Smokes is going to be getting new hair in October. Oh, so you've actually booked the trip? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we're all confirmed and I think Eddie's coming now, too. Me, Smokes, Eddie, White Sox Dave, and Ken Jack I think are all going to be heading to Turkey in October and getting hair transplants. Does the hair stay forever?

Yeah. It's like real hair so it just grows in and becomes part of your scalp yeah i keep looking at myself in this tv and i got the fucking batman signal for a hairline and i cannot wait to get the fucking turkey i didn't know it was that bad it doesn't stand out to end except from a certain angle yeah i mean it's fine though i mean i still do my thing i got good features yeah you're fine yeah but yeah thank you wanton you're about to save my life for real hey i'm not doing the surgery.

Yeah, but you're the one who's getting me to the surgery. I put together. Yeah, which is huge. If you want to come, Danny, and do social, you're welcome. All right, I'll shave my head. No, you can just... I'm not going to get a hair transplant. I'm just going to be the chaperone.

Oh, Kate, I have a question. Yeah. So who do you think would win a breakup? A girl who gets her tits done after, or the guy who gets his hairline fixed after? What do you mean win the breakup? Like who do you think gets the edge? Who's more jealous afterwards? Yeah.

Or like who do you think benefits more? Like who would hurt more? Right. Like would the guy seeing his ex-girlfriend with new tits be more hurt or the girl seeing her ex-boyfriend with a new hairline hurt more? It's the guy seeing the girl-girlfriend with new tits be more hurt or the girl seeing her ex-boyfriend with a new hairline hurt more it's the guy seeing the girl because i can see girls she's sitting there with all her friends and they're like oh my god he got his hair done like i see that being more the vibe than her being like oh no he's like so hot now

um the other way around tits are titsits. Yeah, I think so too. And I don't mind bald dudes. There's a lot of ladies out there who are fine with a little peck. Really? Yeah. I think I'm just too young to be bald. That's my problem with it.

Like I can't be bald at 25. That's a problem. That being said, the beef has a great lush head of lettuce. Must be nice. It's very nice. You should see his knuckles. I said, I went in there and I said,

hey guys, I need a bigger tarp and Malasek said why that shirt fits you fine that's what they call shirts these days tarps off that was a lot he's low key the biggest piece of shit in this office he might be the biggest piece of shit in this office

one leg up they're still giving him props for the joke. They all huddled around him like he just won the World Series or something. He was probably so pissed the camera wasn't around. Yeah. Or a dog. His dog. Because he fucks it.

I've heard that, yeah. He does. As soon as we get a bigger tarp, we can go. I'm just scared because y'all are going to be playing basketball on this later. Yeah, but it all sweeps up pretty nice, thankfully. Did you bring your broom? Oh, shit. There has to be a broom in here, right?

I'm sure we have a broom somewhere. Didn't you ride in on one today? I can imagine. Who are you talking about? Katie, did he ask you a question? I guess it only works for you. Yeah, it doesn't really work for a dude. I felt mean doing it.

It would have been a ricochet. Out of nowhere. Mook looks the most like a witch today. Yeah. Mook looks pimp. He looks like a background witch watching the Salem Trials trying not to be discovered. Like Giles Corey.

Whenever I put these glasses on, they call me one of the three blind mice. I can see that. Just need like a cane. You're like the Blues Brothers cousin. I would love to huddle around the cauldron. What do the three blind mice do in Fairytale Land?

The butcher kills them with a knife in the end. Does he? The farmer's wife, the butcher, fucked them up with his knife. It ends sadly? Something bad happens to the knives. Then why are we singing about them? We cut off their tails with a paring knife.

Yeah, I think they lose their tails. They fuck around to find out. They don't die, though. No, they get pretty mutilated. An exterminator's work song? Yeah. Then why are we singing about them? Well, I mean, look at Humpty Dumpty.

It didn't end well for him either. Yeah, weren't most of those? Then we put them back together. No, they yeah weren't most of those we put them back together no they're wasn't the same no no it wasn't no all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put humpty yeah together yeah he was just dead fuck well isn't one of them about like a bad disease too like the plague ring around the rosy yeah one wait what all thehes, ashes, we all fall down. It's about everybody dying from... Oh, that's so fucked up. That was like a kindergarten activity.

Hood classic. Don't call Ring Around the Rosie a hood classic. It's a certified banger. No, it is. Even I know that one. Ring Around the Rosie, motherfucker. Certified hood classic. Yeah.

All the king's motherfucking horses are mad. Yeah. Oh, and ring around the Rosies refers to the red rings that started to develop on a plague victim's skin. Yeah, we just made it a song. That's how bad it was back then that kids were dying and said, fuck it, we'll just make a song out of it. I mean, what else are you going to do? Are you sad? It's depressing. I had a good sense of how bad it was back then that they were kids were dying so they said fuck it we'll just make a song i mean what else are you gonna do i mean get sad it's depressing i had a good sense of humor about yeah yeah oh this is gonna oh the red carpet you think they ever reenacted the latest presidential assassins that's a good idea what the hell is this it's not a tarp didn't we just have a tarp why don't we do a tarp? Why don't we do it on the turf?

Who's on the other end of this? Well, Caitlin and Paige are in a meeting. That makes sense. Can we just do it outside where there's trash anyway? It's a life-size fruit by the foot. I think we're overthinking it. Over by the train track. How far do the shards go?

Depends. I guess that's true. We're making this so lame. Yeah, let's just... You know what? Just get the fuck out there and get to it. Yeah, what do we... Go out there.

As long as there's brooms, sweep it up. That's all you need. Brought a random red strip out there. Yeah, why would they lay it out like a strip? What is that supposed to do? Are you kidding me? I think we're good now. Yeah, that red strip.

Fucking huge fruit roll up just on the balcony. I'll sing for ambience. It's just one of those days. It might suck. You don't want to wake up. It might suck. Everything is fucked up. Yeah, there's a very good chance it will suck.

That's why I feel like we shouldn't be building it up for a half hour. You don't really know why, but you got to justify ripping someone off. Don't you make contact. Whatever. He's going to hit me across the back first. Your life is on the contract. Your best bet is to stay away, motherfucker. It's just

those days. It's all about the hands. Alright, Gino. Take a hack. This is the safest I've ever done this. You've never worn glasses before. Jesus Christ. Did we say you had to do that? Yeah. Oh, what's up? You better quit letting that slip. You can't let your

other Deathmatch buddies see this Could you take it on the six pack? What? Oh god no If he hit you in the stomach? Why did you come up with that idea? He said it's the safest he's ever done it I wanted to make it a little more extreme

We're starting Could you take it on the taint? We're one of four right now. Yeah, okay. We can build up. All right. Yep. I feel like it's just going to go into the YAC studio if you do it on that side.

Good call. Okay, all right. Can TJ see it? No, we need more tarp. We need more tarp. We don't need more tarp. We got to get over the tarp thing, and we'll just sweep it after. I just want to make sure that it can be seen.

They're all going to be playing basketball. I don't want y'all to half the office doesn't play basketball we'll talk about that later i have to get something off my chest yeah i think you are indirectly responsible for dave uh yelling at our sweet connor i don't think so i think you are no i that stupid ass message hold on boys now we gotta talk about this you sent that stupid ass message to the whole uh company saying why don't you pussies play basketball on fridays yeah why did you send that to everyone just do that in a text group? Because there is multiple people,

some people in your camp as well, that said someone needs to send an email because what has happened to our basketball practice. Wait a minute, you're saying you were the champion of people who wanted an email to be sent? No, we were playing basketball last Friday, and afterwards I expressed my frustration. There was many people that also were very pissed off

at the lack of people playing basketball. What are you, Coach Carter? Evo said, you should send an email. And I said, you know what? As the advocate for playing basketball on Friday, I will send that email. I went home. I wrote it up and I sent it out. And I think I got my message across.

White boy Rick's here. He's got his basketball shoes on, which is exactly what I wanted to see. Ohio Tate used to lead from the front. Now he just gets bent over from the back. So he could go do his own fucking thing. I don't care. I just want Basketball Fridays back. I like competing. I like the office bonding that it brings. And I think it's a very sacred thing that we've just taken for granted. It's the middle of the summer, though.

That's work. And I said if you have work, if you have work. Chicago summers are short. When the weather's nice, I think people want to go outside. I get that. Basketball from two to three is not taking away from summertime shy. Half your boys are still working until five. You need to start doing blow again. Yeah, you do. I don't like this version of you.

Wait, have you tried crying about it? Where'd you get a donut? I've had it the whole time. It's in her pocket. All right. Back to the break. All right. Go, go. Gino, quit being a pussy the break. All right, go, go.

Gino, quit being a pussy and break the damn light tube. Let's go. Swing that fucker. If Gino stands here, is that fine for TJ in the shot? Yeah, it's fine. We don't care about the shot. It's just one of those days

feeling like a freight train. If this is too bad, we're not going to do the rest of them. Damn right, I'm a maniac. You better watch out for the fucking W program. Go lower. Go left.

Go left. Oh, okay. Wait, Gino, that's actually terrible. For the fucking of your program. Go lower. Go left. Go left. Oh, okay. Wait. Gino, go left. Next time you get fucked up, your best bet is just to get away from him. Gino, not the tube. Your body. It's just one of the...

Your body. There you go. All right, all right, all right. Do you want to angle a little bit better? Nope, that's fine. It's all about the... He said, geez. Am I adding to the ambience?

Yep. You're fine. And go a little further left. One step to your left, you're boom. Perfect. Now, square your shoulders a little bit and step in a little to your left, Jim. Boom. Perfect. Now square your shoulders a little bit and step in a little bit.

Step in about a foot. I think he's good. Step in about a foot. One more foot. One more foot. Gino, lunge a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again. No, no, no. Step forward. Step forward.

Thrust. Right now, I, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Again. No, no, no. Step forward. Step forward. And now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thrust. Now thrust. Thrust a little bit. Right now, I'm dangerous. Yeah, okay. All right.

All right, Gino. All right, go. Get the guy out first. All those motherfuckers that want to step up. Gino, fucking do it, man. I hope you know how to pack a chain. Oh, shit. That was dainty.

Dude, that was so sick. Did you see that pop? That was dainty. Dude, that was so sick! Did you see that pop? That was nice. We got a giant shard of glass that rolled to the other side of the court. Basketball's cancelled, but that was so worth it. That was unreal.

Can we see your back? Okay, Kate. It's not gonna sweep itself. Let's see his back. I, Kate. Hey, Kate. It's not going to sweep itself. Let's see. Let's see his back. I'm fighting the urge to do it. I don't want to see your back. Don't let me see your back. Oh, my God. Don't let me see it.

I want to see the back. No, let's see it. Let's see it. Holy shit. Oh, dude. You're a savage. You have some crazy sex, huh? He's bleeding.

He's bleeding. Go on to whatever camera it was on before. No, that's bleeding. Oh, my God. Holy shit. No, that's bleeding. Oh my god. Holy shit. Yeah, there. Oh! Fuck.

All right. Any other match tonight? Gino, you fucking savage. Gino, what the fuck? What the fuck, dude? What the hell, man? Supposed to be a clean break. Don't explode the thing on him.

Gino's like... Dude, he's not going to be able to fight tonight. That was so sick. I was not expecting anything close. I don't know. The head is going to be seen. That might be enough. Especially with the hat.

I don't know. That might be enough. I think we have to see a head shot. Let's do a head shot. We have to do a head shot. No! He's down for it. He's down, and I feel like they're...

Yeah. It's disrespectful for him not to take a headshot he's gonna do a headshot gino doesn't have to do it he's off the hook gino let some anger out there he was like he's like the kid in the sour patch commercial first or sour now they're sweet i told him i said hey you have to swing this or it's not gonna break and that's just gonna hurt more yeah because like there's nothing worse than just getting a tube swung at you that doesn't break and it just goes oh yeah and then it just bruises because it because it hurts oh my god look at this yeah the noise it made was my favorite part oh yeah that's blood is it where

what the fuck oh because there's no not god damn i. I was like, what the? I was like, I have clean blood. Gino was not as excited about doing that. No, but he did it. Yeah? That was fucking sick. All right, let's spin the wheel. That was awesome. Let's spin the wheel again.

Spin the wheel, one headshot, and then we're done. I can't believe I didn't slow-mo record that. Kate, you don't want to do the headshot? You guys should put that on the video. Kate, you can. Let's just let Kate do it. Yeah, let's let Kate do it. I would say it'd be nice to give one for a change.

All right. Are you confident she do it. I would say it'd be nice to give one for a change. Are you confident she can swing hard enough to break it? How hard do I need? Tell me exactly what I need to do. You just have to swing it hard. At his right ear. Yeah, this will be good. Ideally not my right ear. Don't tell him I'm genuinely disabled. He knows. Just watch you talk for 30 seconds. People know.

This is going to rock so hard. What if I hurt you? You might. Kate, if you hurt him, I mean. I'm the person to hurt. Yeah. That's what he's here for. You shot me in the face with a gel blaster.

You got to put on the goggles. Goggles, okay. Now, is like swinging really hard going to hurt your back? No. Yeah, Kate's going to end up with a hurt back here. Not him. Not now. Because I gave you that information.

Hey, hey, hey. Because I gave you that information. Kate's for a praise. Now, where on the glass can you point out where ideally I hit you? The head's a much smaller target than a back. Are you concerned, Brandon? You are the authority figure here. No, this guy knows what he's doing.

This guy knows what he's doing. Yeah, but Kate's the one who's actually doing it. He doesn't have to do anything. He just has to stand there. He's telling her how to do it. Kate's just going whack-a-mole on him. Thing's made of steel, isn't it? Many shots that she's taking to that thing

That was nothing to her Ow! Fuck you! Should I stand up or kneel for this? I don't think you want to kneel on glass Like you're getting knighted? Go ahead and kneel, I think it'll look better Bend the knee Have you seen my knees? Now we're doing a beheading Go ahead and kneel, I think it'll look better. Bend the knee. Yeah.

Have you seen my knees? Now we're doing a fascination. Yes. Now we're doing a beheading. This is some Game of Thrones type shit. Okay, can the camera see okay? Yeah, we're good. The camera can see, but I want to get a slow-mo shot for you.

Hold on. Do I have any guns? Okay. Okay. Okay. Didn't even feel it. It didn't hit you. Then how did you know it hit you?

It's just going to hit me. All right, Katie. All right. Oh, God. Put that away. Put that away. Very loose. Katie, they're just gained or lost. Night him first.

Night him. Eat a roast beef sandwich. Okay. Just hit me. Dead center. Set me at that center. All right. Center, right here. Johnny, you good? Right there?

Yep, just go there. Okay. Hadouken! Oh! Holy shit. Dude, you are a fucking legend. Holy. Oh, my God. I was going to zap. I z. Holy. Oh my God.

I dap, I dap them. That's fine. That was very good. That's fine. That's fine. Okay. Sorry. Boys, I'm buzzing.

Yeah. This is. You feel good? Being a dude is awesome. It is. Dude rock. It has rules. Hell yeah.

Yeah, that's what we do every Saturday, Kate. That's what we do. I love it. Or if like Brandon took that. Nope's what we do. I love it. Or if, like, Brandon took that. Nope. Nope. Nope. No.

Pass. You think Brandon could handle that? I think Brandon would miss the next two weeks of work. Actually? Yes. Yeah, at least the next week. Good chance I might anyway. Well, Brandon, you should do it.

You want to take time off? No, I'm good. I just had enough time off. I'm getting the DMs usually reserved for you. They're not usually reserved. They are just happening. You guys in a group chat. If anybody has like a sweatshirt, that's the easiest thing because then it's not so bad.

On the back? Yeah. They're also brand new, so it's more of like blunt force than normal. If they're like burnt out, then they break. Then the glass has been heated and all that. Is it an auto bleed situation? Yeah. Good thing no one's wearing a sweatshirt, right, Mook?

Oh, shit. I didn't even mean to do that. No, I'm... Mook, Mook. Shit. All right. Yeah, the show started with that and escalated to, Hey,

we're going to break some glass guys. Fellas. I'm hard as a rock. Kate did. She fucking swung it. I think she might've swung too hard. Cause like half of it didn't, his neck has a little blood spot.

Both, both Kate and Gino brought it. That was, Kate, I'll give you my arm right now not the back what do you mean what do you mean you want to hit my arm yes yes yes wow you're a real water you want to get hit in the back i promise you yeah i feel like that arm the only thing about that is if i bleed you won't through that sweatshirt let's do it yo Mook is so real. Holy shit. I wasn't anticipating this.

I'm a bad influence. A self-volunteer is crazy. I feel rude. I'm hogging the lights. No, no. I think Kate killing Mook was eventually where this show was going to go. One of you was going to have to kill the other. The bottom two.

Yeah, Hunger Games. I got a cool slow-mo shot of you kate you did i just i just texted it to you oh is it the one i sent you the other day oh it's a different one i'll show you where to hit it it's a different one what mook said how do you want it to case after you offer that in a while don't lean all the way down. Spend over. Jeez, is everything all right at home, Moog? He's just offering a kneel on glass. The light bulb's shattered over him. Moog assumed that he just wants to feel something.

He can't do this in his apartment. Moog? Moog is going down too easy. Do I want a brace or no? You're going to need a brace after this. He's showing him the back. You want to hit him in the back. This is the back.

And, Kate, can you move over a little to your right? Kate, move right a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, about right there. That's where we need you. Yes. So, you're just going to hit him square across here. Yeah. About right there. Okay. That's where we need you. Yes. So, you're just going to hit him square across here. Yep.

Yep. The fucking light tube, Kate. You're a Marine. Don't hit my head. Don't hit my neck. Please. No wonder we're going to lose a war. Are you sure?

Luke, are you sure? Fucking do it. Okay. Oh! Oh! Yes! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh. Oh! Oh!

God, that feels good. Look at it. Look at it on cross attack. Oh, my God. No, you're not. No, let me see. Let me see. That was so sick.

Okay, I felt good. Wow. Felt good. Felt good. Who's amped up? Are you invigorated? I'm amped up. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to break shit over you now. No. No. Pass. Oh, my God. Anybody with a sweatshirt, they'll be fine. That was awakening. Yeah.

Does anybody else feel like they want to take away women's right to drive? Yes. Yes, and vote. I've always felt that. Fuck yeah. Look at this. Slow motion. No. I feel like I'm bent for yeah. Look at this. Slow motion. No.

I feel like I'm bent for hitting people now. How do you can? That got me jacked up. Yeah, that's. Sorry, I'm feeling something. This is how Jack asked her. I'm hard. You're hard.

Let's fucking do this. Yeah. So, like, fuck me in the glass field. The first time. Let's get out of this town, Casey. First time I ever did. You're coming to Myrtle with me tomorrow. Okay, that would make sense.

Bring the light bulbs. Sorry, Beef. Bring the light bulbs. Leave the goggles at home. It's the most, like, the base of the break is the, like, scariest part. because you don't realize how loud it is until you hear it. And then once you do it once, I tell any new deathmatch wrestler, I'm like, here's the deal. Just get hit with it the first time. And then after that, you'll be like, okay, I'm in.

Because the second the glass breaks the first time, then you're like, oh, shit. All right, let's do this. The scariest part was like Kate being like, okay, I'm in. Because the second the glass breaks the first time, then you're like, oh, shit. All right, let's do this. The scariest part was Kate being like, are you sure? You're like, I'm ready now. Just hit me now. Yeah. Mook, are you going to be addicted to this? We're going to see you in random Chicago alleys just getting laid off.

Yeah. This is a natural high. Specifically by women. It is. I'm pretty jacked up right now. I kind of like, I don't understand. Paying a migrant woman 20 bucks to smash tubes walking downtown with four

of those things you want to take a whack it's addicting it is and I am the biggest pussy in everyday life but when it comes to stuff like this I can't get shots I can't get my blood drawn you saw your back it looked like you got

attacked by a dragon. Yeah, but that's stuff that happens in the ring, and then you don't realize it until afterwards. There's been a couple times where it's happened, and in the moment, I'm like, I could just quit wrestling right now. I don't want to do this ever again. And then I go back and do it the next weekend. Know what you're getting into, Mook.

It's not easy. Yeah, I mean, do you guys need a special guest? Always. Always. I mean, next – You're here a lot, though, right? Yes. Okay.

Yes, next month there is a massive deathmatch tournament. Yes, that's what I'm doing tonight. And then next month is the Insane Eight, which I have let the Mostly Sports family know about. We said, hey, it's a massive tournament. We do a pay-per-view. We do right outside of Milwaukee, and it draws 700 to 1,000 people, and it's just a whole day of death matches.

It's a three-round tournament that is anybody here is welcome to come. Anybody here, like. I've never been to Milwaukee. Oh, you need to go. You've never been to Milwaukee? I've never been either. Me neither. It's only an hour and a half. Thanks. I've never been to Milwaukee. Oh, you need to go. You've never been to Milwaukee? I've never been either. Me neither. Let's get up there.

It's only an hour and a half. Thanks. Yeah, it's – and a deathmatch tournament day is one where, like, by the end of it, any new person that goes is like, I want to go all the time because it's just – it feels like you're watching something illegal. Good excuse to bust out the leotard, Mook. Oh, yeah. I would be the only, like clothed long pants long shirt do

they do wrestlers look at that like negatively like a guy who swims with a shirt on yeah but like the it's also there's so few tough guys anymore or like yeah guys that do that and so many so many deathmatch wrestlers aren't like in guys. And there's so few of us that are. And we go shirtless because we're like, well, we have something to work with here. But everybody else is just like, no, I'm going to go. I'm going to go with a full t-shirt. If you wear a cutoff, that's fine. But full t-shirt and then taped up to here where nothing's vulnerable.

Wearing a Carhartt. Yeah. Yeah. I'll do it. I'm pulling up in like a winter coat. We're not going to get another tube off, are we? I'm going to start the cleanup right now. No, no.

One of the interns has already started the cleanup. Oh, okay. Oh, who's that? Let's call him. Little Donnie. Love Little Donnie. Although I don't see him cleaning up anymore. He's like off to the side.

Oh, he's off to the side? He might not want to do it. He might not want to do it while we're doing the show. But yeah, we have a big wheel to spin today, right? Fresh wheel? No, we don't. It's not fresh. We missed. Oh, we missed. It was dry, mother. How long until

that gets added to the wheel? If the... Okay. Kate, me, Mook are never going to say something bad should be added to the wheel. Big Cat would say it. Yeah. Nick would say it. Titus might say it.

Titus will absolutely say it. Kyle wouldn't say it, but it would immediately agree with the person who said it. So everybody who would say add that bad thing to the wheel is not here. Okay. If they see it, they might text us and say add it to the wheel. But as of now, we're going to be safe. That would be so funny. Just a random day.

All right. Random Tuesday. Get the moving blankets out. Get the light tube. Okay. All right. Spin it. Oh, boy.

Of course. Oh, boy. Oh. That's right. We're good. We're good. That's right. Wow.

Oh, yeah. That would have been a huge step for you if you started with all this and it got wet. RDM squad. RDM. This was a treat. I'm back. Pray for Bees when you get home. Pray for Bees, man.

She's going to hop on real quick. You're going to have another kid. Yeah. Can't do that with a handjob. It's incoming. pray for bees man she's gonna hop on real you're gonna have another kid yeah can't do that with a hand job it's incoming i'll see you guys again uh friday a week from today i'll miss you guys yeah happy vacation let's move where are you going myrtle south carolina that's a rookie move what you take monday through thursday off go ahead and take friday i probably will yeah come on but i'm gonna be at the show thursday night oh that makes sense all right so there will be we will know you're in chicago yes if i if that

show wasn't happening i would have just yeah full week yeah um probably still will take the full week but honestly not coming to this office is so much better than staying in my prison apartment yeah um so we'll see all right well uh thank, thank you to everybody, Donnie. All you guys. Thank you. Good luck tonight. If you guys need any live updates from the Olympics, I'll be out there. Quit saying that. Thanks, asshole. Just get to go to every fucking place.

When do you leave, Donnie? Tomorrow. Oh, shit. Man, the Olympics don't start until Friday. I'm heading to... Doing some other stuff? Portugal first. Oh, must be nice.

That's it. And where can they... Do you have an Instagram? Where can people follow you? Oh, yeah. Everything's at Orinvite. Not asking in a creepy way. Yeah, everything is very accessible.

Spell the last name. Oh, there it is. Yep, there it is. Orinvite. Yep, it's all there. It's either Twitter or Instagram. Is that a Chicago Yaks shirt? Sure is.

Oh, that's good. I haven't missed an episode of Mostly Sports since it started ever since. It's all there. It's, yeah, either Twitter or Instagram. Is that a Chicago Yaks shirt? Sure is. Oh, let's go. I haven't missed an episode of Mostly Sports since it started ever since. Oh, you're a Bills fan. Oh, yeah. I'm a Josh Allen fan. Oh, makes me sick. At least you're a Gator.

Go Gators. Yep, go Gators. That is priority number one. I didn't think he was saying Gators there. Oren, you glad you came on the X? All right, Kate. We had a good Kate for about five minutes. I told you. Oh!

All right, all right, all right. Pause. All right, that's the act. We'll be back next week. Everybody be back. Thanks. Peace out. It's the act. It's the act. It's your straw hat style of tape for a while.

It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap. It's the act. It's the act. Bye, guys. Have a beautiful weekend. Stay safe.

Love you. See you Monday. Bye.