The Yak - The Yak Goes on a World Discovery | The Yak 9-20-24

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

Brandon Mac is backYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

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It's Friday, and we have the wanton Don here. And we also have very special guest Joey Avery here Who is a yak regular, but I wasn't here the first time so we got to see if we vibe Well, you know you hit me with a nice to meet you out in the lobby And you might not remember we have met one time far It's a great start. I understand why you wouldn't remember because you were puking into a bush Because I'm a beer were at beer games?

Yeah. Really? I was the team who disqualified you. Oh, you were with Bakhtiarian. I'm Bakhtiarian's partner. I was like, I kind of recognize you. Okay, that makes sense now. Yeah.

Oh, we had a great time. We had a great time, yeah. Yeah, and you agree that Bakhtiarian shouldn't have hit me in the back. I support my partner 100%. We do what we had to do. We got second place. He violently... He hit me so hard that I threw up. I think he was trying to help.

I think he was trying... He was being a very nice guy. We have gone to battle. We have gone to battle together. All right, that's my bad. But you can understand not remembering faces from beer games. 100%. I don't remember a goddamn thing from beer games. No, you don't either. I don't remember anything. Dude, you were so drunk, I don't remember a goddamn thing from beer

Dude you're so drunk. I remember you being there Completely blacked out Well good to have you back Joey. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah, you were in the yeah you were in the last game where I Became a ref and was just Taylor. I actually thought Taylor was gonna fight me It got pretty chippy there at the end Is I just will like a putt like texted me the next morning and apologize. He's like I was out of hand I was like everyone was out of yeah, but I think he said something to back to Harry's wife. Well Podcast and said he wanted to steal her. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, right. That was postgame. Yeah, he's yeah will

That guy he's something special and Danny's here as well That's enough Danny, thank you All right. That was good Danny. Uh Donnie you're back from where? Mexico May go and the town where magic mushrooms were first discovered. Whoa Okay, so you thought I was in China? Because you came up to me, you were like,

Donnie, I thought you were in China. I don't know why I thought that. I saw the vape video. Mexicans look a little Chinese, I guess. A little Chinese. I think it's also the... I feel like smoking, vaping, that's a very Chinese thing. Yes, it is.

So yeah, I don't know. That's an everywhere thing now, isn't it? But wouldn't you say... Vaping is not an everywhere thing. So like those Mexican guys I was vaping with, check out the video, it was their first time trying a vape and they were mesmerized. Let's play the video.

Let's play the video. They're still smoking the old-fashioned? Play the vid, it's on my Twitter. So you introduced, you basically were like Columbus yeah, yeah, they're like smallpox blanket so that that wasn't him was it Columbus did bring a little bit of smallpox okay, so but you you were that you were Vasco de Gama or whatever the fuck his name was Yeah, you're doing great With vape yes anyone could tap in here and help

Going to Mexico bring a disease Anyone could throw out a fucking explorers name America Vespucci. That's who is Vasco de Gama not a guy He's a guy what he do Vasco de Gama went to India I believe he was the first one to like or that was Balboa But yeah, he went around the Cape of South Africa to India. Uh-huh. Uh-huh report Cortez was the one who conquered Mexico, right? De Soto Marco Polo De Soto found Florida. No, you say Marco one of us Marco Polo. I thought

De Soto found the Mississippi We might have to do it About Ponce de Leon what the Ponce de Leon do he was a floor Ponce de Leon went looking for the Fountain of Youth in Florida, okay TRT he did not find it. It's in Austin. Hey say explore and say an explorer go Rogan Any Explorer any just any oh who did the Pinta Nina Santa Maria that's Yeah, that's oh gee. Oh no an explorer. I'm explored. I say it was already been said America go Vespucci. Yeah, there you go By the way side note on Vasco to gamma. He found found India. He said India was already there Magellan

There you go, but Joe around the world. Yes. What is it? I don't I've noticed this It might be a sensitive topic, but like for some reason the internet has decided. It's like Okay to just be racist towards Indians now I follow one guy that really goes at the Indians. Yeah, it's so weird. It just happened in the last like six months. People have just been going, unloading the clip on India. Oh, yeah.

I follow a TikTokker who's traveling around the country right now, and all of his TikToks are just about how much the country sucks. Yeah, right. I don't know where that came from, but I just noticed it. Yeah. You guys were going to choose an ethnicity to that came from. But yeah, yeah, you guys were gonna choose an ethnicity to be racist against who would you choose? But cat?

It's a great question. Yeah, get the quote cards ready. Oh, yeah. That's a really tough. We all have our vices. The Dutch. Dutch the Dutch can't stand them. First European to reach India. Okay, it depends what nationality are you Brandon? I see. I don't know. He's Mississippi. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to choose that through and through Mississippi. No one ever chooses one, though, if you're doing it,

you're kind of doing it. Yeah, true. You know, all or nothing. Yeah, there isn't someone who's like, you know, a specialist. I really don't like sniper. Yeah, right. But if for some reason there does feel like there's Indian snipers out there. I Mean, it's like they don't dabble in anything else except trashing in the hyper specific I don't know. It's crazy Asians are cool. It's the Indians. Yeah Is it because the accent is fun like it feels light-hearted even if you're doing a bad job of it

Yeah, I so I think I saw I think it's first started popping up in the Olympics because India is a very big place And they literally have like no no no right we did make fun of them for that right and everyone was like why is this? Possible that's fair game. That's fair game. Yeah, you suck at sports. The Indians are very good at field hockey, actually. So they still... Male field hockey. Oh, male field hockey. Yeah. Yikes.

Male field hockey's a big deal in parts of Europe, India, South Africa, Australia. That's my coach in college was from the Netherlands. And he was a guy. He was male field hockey? Yeah. He was like a celebrity there. He was like a big deal. That's funny that there's like other countries that male field hockey wouldn't be completely looked down upon handballs the same way

It's huge. I think it's seen as like a manly sport. Yeah handball's huge. Yeah, there was just one field hockey story during this past Olympics there was Only have one I don't want your one. I want your three I only have one there was this Australian field Augie player and he broke his finger right before the Olympics and his doctor was like You're gonna have to sit out the Olympics and he was like no way I'm doing that So the doctor was like well I could amputate the finger and then you could play and he chose to have his finger amputated so he could compete in the Olympics

That's like a lot. Yeah 49ers. Yeah, I just fan you guys are just you just lose in the most horrific ways. It's pretty tough. Yeah, it's pretty tough. Like we get to enjoy football deep into the year and then we get our hearts ripped out at the very end. Yeah, go through the last like 11 years. It's like one dumb thing. Yeah. Go ahead. Brandon. Can I go back to Donnie's field hockey store? Yeah, please. I was his number one. I didn't really want you to take that ball while I was doing this. I really wanted it. So the doctor said hey your finger is broken you can't play in the Olympics but I could remove the finger and you could play in the Olympics. Okay so if that was an option why couldn't he just play with the broken

finger and see what happened. That's a really good question. Why couldn't he just see what happened. If the worst case was losing your finger just play and then maybe you lose your finger anyway. Donnie was this story fact checked?ed? No, you can't. Yeah. No, it's it's true Okay, can't have a broken finger without a finger and it wasn't even like his pinky finger. I think it was his ring finger It was like the first third. Maybe just want to be single. What do we call that finger before we invented rings? It's been around a while. It's probably called. Yeah, that's probably what they call it. But index finger middle finger and then this one is entirely based on something else.

Can you do a quick fingers rankings? Index is number one. Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa makes us from the beast I was only thinking about these four fingers I wasn't even thinking about the thumb is number one okay thumb index middle you're just going in order. Pinkie ring. Damn it. I think rings last. I think rings last. You're going in order.

Well, I mean, thumb for sure. Index is definitely. And then middle's third. What could you throw a football well? Not you, Brandon, but anyone without a ring finger? I don't know. That's the finger you want to lose, right? If you were going to try to do it.

Should we amputate Brandon's finger to find out? Yeah, you could easily throw it. Oh. I don't know about that. Brandon, what did we uncover on mostly sports at one time? The three finger brown actually had four fingers. Yeah. Is that it?

Yeah, the pitcher from the, like, 1910s. Yeah, that's fucked. What else aren't they telling us? Who knows? But I just think that that guy could have at least gotten a second opinion. Hey, this guy wants to take my finger off. Could I play with this broken ass finger? But

then it wouldn't have been a bad ass story. It sounds like he kind of just wanted a bad ass story. And look at Yeah, we're talking about on the yeah, he's made it. I mean, he did wonders for the male hockey community because we see that as a woman's sport here. But now I think of it as a manly sport where people are willing to that's all I still think of is a woman's sport here But now I think of it as a manly sport where people are willing to that's all I still think Yeah, I think he was just compensating trying to add some tiny bit of mainly yeah, right grace of a woman's game, right? I mean I would pay so much money to see like biz compete in a male field hockey match and see how he does

How much money would you spend on that so much? Yeah, probably really just said so much $200. I would pay up to 400. Wow. Wow. Yeah, I'll match. Okay, 800 bucks. Here we go. Let's get busy in a match. I'll throw in 50. 850. I'll dip into my savings. Wonder if there's any money bucks. America. There's gotta be. Yeah, American men's people that play everything. They got a league for every kickball. Yeah. So there's a there's a old timey

baseball league in Milwaukee. Oh, just see the 37 you football league. What on Twitter? There's these guys under 30. It looks awesome. There's these guys that they play this adult league and it says 37 you. That's the NFL. Arguably any football. Yeah, but is just the adult league. I mean, the NFL is arguably any football.

Wait, but yeah, 37U, like what? I think it's just a sarcastic. It should be 37-0. It's this adult league that's going viral for these plays, and they're saying it. Let me guess, the 22-year-olds are the best? I have no idea. I just didn't know that one.

Jay, what am I missing on this? Yeah, we're pulling it up. Wait, we've got to watch the vape That's how all this started I let them each have a hit I ended up having to just give them the vape because they Were so mesmerized by like an ice cream mesmerized slash addicted. Yeah, I thought you were in like Thailand I don't know that could be Thailand for ya Except there'd be an older wife. He's giving you fuck beyond. Yeah.

He wants to fuck you, dude. He smells it first? Yeah, like a fine wine. Wait, so what were you doing? I was waiting to catch a shuttle back to the capital city, so. No, but what were you doing in Mexico? So I was doing some cultural stuff. Like I went to my first Lucha Libre match,

which is professional wrestling down there. That looked awesome. I will be bringing Brandon back at some point. Brandon, do you have a passport? I don't. I told him I have to get a passport first. Yeah. And then, so I like...

You're like Elvis. Knowing that I'm having a kid in February, I'm like, I got to get a lot of traveling done this fall. And then I talked to Marash and Marash was like, I'd be willing to do like a short trip with you. And so we looked at flights, it was either Guatemala or Mexico. And then I follow someone on TikTok and Instagram who was doing this like magic mushroom retreat to this town in Mexico where magic mushrooms were first discovered by the Western world. So I was

like, that could be a cool little mini doc on the origins of shrooms. And you ate some? I did in this like shamanic ceremony. And was it awesome? It was an awesome experience. I wouldn't say I tripped super hard. I've probably had more intense trips here in the US, but the experience itself was a once in a lifetime opportunity. That's very cool. You know, it was a VP of JP Morgan that discovered shrooms.

Really? Yeah, he was a VP at JP Morgan. And then in his spare time, he was a mushroom enthusiast. And he heard about this tribe in Mexico that used shrooms in their religious rituals. So he went down to a small village in Oaxaca and he was like, can I try these shrooms? And they were like, I don't know if we want to tell Westerners about this. Finally, they agreed. And then after he tried it, he went back to the US wrote an article for Life magazine called like in search of the magic mushroom. And that went viral for its time. And then like all sorts of people started traveling to this town to try shrooms. Like I think

awesome. The Beatles went down there, the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan. That's what I've heard. That's sick. And that started the whole craze so they really didn't exist in America until He went to the town where I went shout out that guy. Yeah, I was exactly like what's happening with ayahuasca Yeah, one like fine. Yeah, I figures Aaron Rodgers Go down there. They're like this fucking sucks. Yeah, ayahuasca used to only be for like super spiritual Yeah, ayahuasca used to only be for like super spiritual hippie types that like those are the only ones who tried it and then like Joe Rogan and Aaron Rogers You just have to have a kettlebell Yeah, now it's mainstream

You just gotta be loosely attached to CrossFit Yeah, you're in Did you see, there was a guy, I'm sure you can't find it, but it was one of the funniest GoFundMes ever. It was this guy who travels around with fish and he just sells, I think, drugs, mushrooms and acid, and then he got arrested, and he had a GoFundMe being like, please help my legal defense. I'm like a psychedelic scientist. It's like, no, dude, psychedelic scientist. It's like no dude

I got no problem with it like but to ask for a go fund me for it is pretty long Go fund me for your bail money. It's crazy It was like you thought he had some like crazy heart. Yeah, he's like no I just got arrested because I was making a living selling drugs If I ever get arrested for anything drug-related you you don't have to bail me out Yeah, I bail you out if it were if I could bail you out within 45 minutes I bail you out. What if I was like selling fentanyl to like 15 year olds? I'm not hypothetical hypothetical. I think if you denied it, if you denied it to me, I probably would still like I always think about that.

Like if I were a defense attorney, I would be the worst defense attorney because I would just believe the guy every time. Like I didn't do it. I'm like, all right, that would make you I guess I would. Yeah. But I feel like the best defense attorneys are the ones that know their client is guilty, but they're like we'll find a loophole Yeah, they were 16 not 15 Yeah

They just like like the guys who like who defended like all of the mob guys are like obviously you did it But we're gonna figure out a way mm-hmm. Yeah, that is true. Yeah, can't get invested in the case right? You gotta be clear-minded. Yeah, you got to know like okay. We we're not gonna win this one straight up Yeah, we got to win it with dirty. Yeah with someenanigans here, some legalese. What were we having? Oh, here we go. 37U. He's feeling crazy at work. Eddie Lazy done came up. He got to work. He got to go to work right now. Again, how is this? Again, how is this? BOOM! Hahahaha

That's just awesome This is awesome Hey listen, the kick returns on 37 UB diabolical, this shit gotta stop bro Don't even worry about bro who caught the ball Cause he running too damn slow, look at this bro This is so awesome Someone's breaking a hip

Yeah It's also just so funny watching. I go watch football on YouTube. Now listen, the tackle over here on the end, bro, listen, he did his big. He did his big. But the quarterback said he went for it. Boom!

Oh. It was over with, bro. I mean, you can play 35 and up baseball. You can't do it with football. What I was going to say is it's so funny, because when you watch high school football, you expect it to be slow. Yeah Grown men and just watching how much slower they are then yeah, well the injuries have to be crazy

Yeah, like I'm over 30 and half of my friends if they eat a sandwich. They're done for the day. Yeah That's a fact it would be so much fun if 22 of us here put on full pads and played like a legit game of football. It would look so bad. We'd have five serious injuries. I think we'd have at least one injury just putting on the pad. Like, most of us aren't super strong. We're not going to be like destroying each other.

We fielded punts for an hour and a half. Yeah, we lost one in basketball a couple weeks ago. Yeah, we're not built for this shit. Well, some of us are But like when you're wearing pads it on me I'm built for it and normally doesn't hurt when you get tackled when you're wearing full pads if you're playing against Yeah, but Donny just say landing your foot could hurt us Blanting your foot getting yeah, I'm taking a third step after the first two or it could hurt us foot could hurt us. Climb planting your foot getting. Yeah, I'm taking a third step after the first two or it could hurt us. Anything could hurt us. Brendan's very fragile.

We all have insurance here. I don't know. Maybe we do. Probably. Do you have insurance? I know that's a tough thing for comedians. I do have insurance because I'm married. Oh, right. You're married an insurance salesman. Yes, I did. Yeah. So you're on her insurance. I'm married. Oh, congrats. You're married an insurance salesman.

Yes, I did, yeah. So you're on her insurance. I'm on her insurance. I worked day jobs the whole time, and then right when I went full-time comedy was right around when I got married, so I never had the insurance lapse. And is she like, does she kind of give you that side,

I like, I'm doing everything here? No, not at all. Okay, that's good. She's very supportive. All right, good. She's been like, I'm doing everything here. No, not at all. Okay, that's good. She's very supportive. All right, good. She's been around since like the open mic days. Oh, so yeah. She's seen the whole thing,

and now that I'm like actually making some amount of money doing it, she's like, that's incredible. Yeah. I'm glad you think so. Yeah, she's there for the whole ride, that's awesome. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You got a show tonight?

Yes, yeah, I'm at Zany's Chicago all weekend, two shows tonight tonight two shows tomorrow Mooc is opening up for me love it. Oh in old time and fun Yeah, and they're all gonna sell out so if you do want to go now is the time to buy the tickets now Buy the tickets now yeah that that adult league I Mean I feel injured just looking yeah, that's brutal couldn't do it couldn't do it it is funny that if we could- Funny to watch though.

If we had like a... I think what happens is when you come to Barstool, you become unathlete- Not that anyone comes like is super athletic, but like the sedentary life of what we live zaps it out of you. But if there were like a 22 year old that showed up who was just super athletic,

he would just be the alpha of this office. Yeah, it's like we get Mondstarred. Yeah, right. I don't know big cat. We've got some like that's smokes. Yes. Well, no, no, that's not Billy is a legit athlete who was young he never alphaed the office He tried try but he didn't succeed tried a lot So I don't think any higher arc he's built on different things We got a lot of fucking idiots here that can look at a 22 year old athlete and say I'm I'm still better than he chef Donny kind of has yeah chef Donny is definitely like he's but he's a Nice rock climbing ice everybody's like he's an REI athlete Any physical activity we do though. He's like yeah, I'll fucking do it, and then he's just like yeah

I'll climb that wall best. Yeah. Oh you need me to do a kickflip No problem just did one this morning. Yeah, but like smokes in the real world like probably wasn't seen as this like Amazing athlete, but now that he's here at the company. He's probably one of the more athletic guys Unfortunately by comparison. I don't like comparison. I'd rather not give him that shine Let's not do that. Let's not that I agree. It's not what the yak is for Give anyone their flowers. Yeah Right Lucas can you find us like something a map of? Where those explorers went? Oh, there's got to be like an interactive map. Yeah

Oh, we were talking about explorers. I'd like to just see you know one of those like time-lapse So show a map of the world photographs. Yeah, yeah like this guy to ask for. Oh, we were talking about explorers I'd like to just see you know one of those like time-lapse. So show a map of the world infographs Yeah, yeah, like this guy went here this guy went there. We could tear explorers. Yeah Do that Trail of tears Captain cook was not a pirate, but he found he found What's it called Tahiti and Hawaii? You know your explorers, Donnie. I love my explorers.

Yes. I could be wrong. Who's my goat? I mean, the best explorer story is Cortez, I think, because it's just like insane. He killed the most people, right? Well, so the story is like Cortez with 600 people just conquered the whole Aztec empire.

That's not completely true because the Aztecs were known for human sacrifice. They would go to the surrounding peoples and capture them and sacrifice them. So he got like 100,000 of those people to team up with him. And then they conquered the Aztec Empire. Oh, he started a revolution.

Yeah. He's like, hey, these guys that keep stealing you and killing you, we should do something about this. What if we stop this? Yeah. Is that why a lot of Mexicans like the Nike Cortez shoe? Oh. Stealing you and killing you we should do what if we stop this? Is that why a lot of Mexicans like the Nike Cortez shoe oh Shit oh It's a question You got a lot to think yeah

Thought about bringing it back sorry You got any burning back for us. I got some in the oven. Brandon's been doing Bernie back. Yeah I'm just yeah, but we Brandon's been doing Bernie Mac. Yeah. I've just been working on my Bernie Mac. Good. I went in the bathroom. Oh, look at this. OK. Practicing it.

And so none of these places existed until white people found them? Correct. Am I correct? Correct. That one guy just did some circles. Was that Magellan? Yeah, that's Magellan.

He took a lap. That looks like Columbus. Oh, yeah, Columbus just went. took a lap. That looks like Columbus. Oh yeah, Columbus just went... Did a little loop-de-loop. Oh yeah, because he didn't... I'm so stupid. Who's the green line that went all the way up in Canada and then came back down to the Great Lakes?

Heath Erickson, I believe. That's what I want to... When do they get to a point where they're like, I think I'll go home now? Yeah. I think I'm done. I think Forrest Gump did it in three years and 47 days. I was I saw Instagram the other day. The there's a spot in the Pacific Ocean that is the farthest spot from any land. And it's if like the International Space Station is above it,

you're closer to the astronauts than you are to any person, which is nuts because you just don't even that Pacific Ocean, man. That's it's big. That's a big ocean. You don't even that Pacific Ocean man it's big that's a big ocean you don't realize but that thing is fucking big big it's so big one of the biggest I'd be biggest if you take a look at the world up there what about that guy that went to Greenland there's still nothing there so that was pointless yeah so they were trying to find like a route the northwest passage like a route Over North America, and they kept on trying and they're like shit. This isn't gonna work

They kind of got through there, huh some tackling drills wait Who's the guy who stopped it like Oregon and then yeah, he decided that was enough Who is that zoom in his series started we calculate why did he decide to go south? It was going north and then he was like nevermind I guess that's a it's smart to like cuz I I'd actually that guy is the one I can relate to where it's like once You find land just never really kind of leave it. Yeah, he just went along land the whole time I'd be too scared. Who's that guy Drake? Did he just get to the middle the ocean? I he was a pirate that might just be Drake's dick

I thought he was a pedophile Drake Aldraco Aldraco Yep, that's what the Spanish would calm wait Peking. That's the that's the name of the guy who went to China That's cool Magellan didn't actually make it around the world himself. He got killed in the Philippines what yeah Yeah, who made it around the world was the downside some people in his crew?

Oh, so why don't we say them Drake's all over the place? Yeah, Drake was was wilding out God's plan I'm sure that was exactly what he was thinking. He was going everywhere. Why don't we talk about Drake? I heard he likes me on. I guess he went but I went he went after Magellan. That's why. Huh? Good snack cakes on that boat, though. It says it took him three years. Three years. What that one guy do who is going down past Brazil and then just wandered out in the ocean a little bit

Oh, yeah, to almost he die out there Yet the Yeah You're not you know a zoom guy who was doing figure eights in the Atlantic I know I was that's Columbus that's Columbus again Yeah, I'm making this up. I think I I was just... That's Columbus. That's Columbus. Oh, of course he would. Again, Lucas can't zoom. Yeah. I'm making this up, I think I have this wrong, but either Verrazano or Hudson went up the Hudson,

and then I'm pretty sure got killed by Native Americans. That's pretty convenient, the Hudson found the Hudson. Yeah, like got off his boat, and they were like, uh-uh, and they took him out. That makes Columbus look like he sucked. Yeah, Columbus was kind of a pussy. Yeah. he went from like

Portugal to Cuba and then back do you even explore bro? Yeah, it's like a study abroad I guess he did it first. All right. Well, I'll just do it if the rest was sounding stupid How the fuck they find their way back? How the fuck they know where they're going? How'd they know where they were star stars? No, no, how they really know know where they're going. How'd they know where they were going? Stars. Stars? No, no, how'd they really know that? Compass, dude.

Really? I think so. Imagine how many stars you could see without light pollution. Yeah, dude. Think about how dark it was. Yeah. I have a question. Say it's 14, when were they doing this? 1400s? Yeah, back then.

1492 is when Columbus started. Okay, 1492, ocean blue. I go pitch, you had to pitch this, right, to the Queen to get money for your trip sure sure sure I go pitch the Queen I'm like I need money for a boat and a crew blah blah and a ton of money for supplies What's to stop me from just like you're getting all that shit getting on the boat say I'm a dude And then we just go somewhere tropical and never come back. Yeah, Kokomo like what why would I well? I think because the whole point it was basically like pitching someone like a parlay Because you're like I need this money, but when I get there and hit this parlay we're gonna have this money exactly

Oh, so all the spices are gonna be insane. Yep, like look I got a 17 Legger just give me a little cash and we're gonna fucking hit it big or spices were huge pitch Yeah, loved back then imagining food with no spice at all. No you need spice So that's why it was such a big deal Yeah, yeah, but it was scary. What if you got somewhere and you didn't get anything that great. I've been sporty Can't go on that. I was like Greenland. That's why I stayed. Yeah, shit. You probably would have liked it for any you like spices Just for me to grow up in rural Indiana with like a Pork thrown on the grill with no spices

These years later they're like these white people are gonna fucking love These white people try to beat us that's ours. That's what we did Yeah Columbus Columbus was kind of a pussy even though he did go first We didn't go first. He didn't go for he did 1492 Who's earlier? There's other reps people. I think that's why Columbus gets all the flowers cuz he went first Look at polo dude in 1200 damn 1200 we were where's polo right there, but he's always on land. That's easy Chilling as the boats doing the work Columbus was kind of an idiot though cuz he died still thinking he had discovered India.

Yeah. Do you think they let him do that? Just being like, it's all right, just like let him think this? Yeah. It's fine. But wait, they knew India was there so obviously not discovered, right? He still thought he was like right off the coast of India., yeah, that's interesting. How do you know that it's there, but it's not discovered Someone had to have come and been like hey, man. There's a whole fucking place over here. You guys don't even know about Yeah, wait how does that sense well he never have mainland So I think he just thought he was off the coast of India, but how did they know there was India? Oh because they knew of India just how just because The Greeks I think would trade with India like way back in the day

We should just roll with the great they had never traveled there by sea and so they know the Greeks were pedophiles For sure. Yes. Okay, those guys like Aristotle and Plato and shit They were blown dude that was they're getting their dick sucked by little Yeah, all day tell the Olympics started back in First competition don't bust In Greece have you banged a little boy or an adult? Female I say boy like that. I don't know Banging little boys or banging chicks was not gay

But if you banged an adult man, that was good They had a part right how old is he 17? They had like an under 717 you sexly oh Joey yeah that's not good that's bad call back to last time I was on here remember you guys played a prank on me and you said that my little league oh that child yeah a pedophile ring a pedophile ring yeah we discovered pedophilia in his little league yeah, you it's right It's better when you lead with that call back It's not just saying this reminds me of you not the smoothest not exactly is the exact smoothest transition It was what you were going for yeah

Yeah, the other thing that happened did those people you bought a house and people wanted to buy it back from you Oh that fell apart Okay, good, so you're still in the house. He's still in a house with treasure in it somewhere. He's our Explorer There's treasure Joey yeah, that doesn't I Still don't fully understand. Why was your little league it wasn't but they were like don't you remember this huge story? because they had a mole up here who told them the little league that I Played at and they were like, yeah, this was this huge thing

You missed the story and I was like did this happen after I left you said I know I got yeah But anyway, it's a great little league. Nothing's wrong with it little league would that would that be a real bummer of a story? It's like it's already boy scouts. We kind of always figure that was obvious Yeah, all right, They're going into the woods Yeah, but little league like we got it. We gotta make sure little league stays little league. I think it's fine Yeah, I think it's okay. I Think boys are boy scouts done. No no they like girls in So yeah, you answer that's how you really break it

So yeah, you answer that's how you really break Even have fun anymore. I was coming out of the jewel osco after buying my steaks the other day there goes This is a real thing And the Boy Scouts are set up right there and they're selling popcorn and they're selling other stuff for fundraisers. The popcorn is $20 a motherfucking bag. Do it to get them Bernie. 20 motherfucking dollars was motherfucking bag. And the kids like looking at me like I can't what am I gonna do to help this motherfucker?

The return of the Mac You have fucked yourself Brandon every time you try to start a story. It's like ah here we go Brandon man Ernie Skullman They were selling the popcorn for $20 a bag. It was just smart popcorn. Yeah, Girl Scouts always dominated that Yeah, so is there no separate Girl Scouts anymore? They're all there. They still have Girl Scouts. I mean, you have to because the cookies, the cookies,

but these keep every girls can be Boy Scouts and boys can be Girl Scouts. Yes, they can. What? Yeah. Right. I think it's 20, 20 boys can be Girl Scouts. It's just pretty gender neutral. Gender neutral scouts. Yeah, they're just scouting. Yeah. Girl Scouts do, though. They're just scouting. What do girl scouts do, though? They just sell cookies. Yeah.

In the UK, they're called beaver scouts. I'm sorry? What? That's not true. It's true. Damn. Come on. It's true.

Google that, Lucas. God damn it. Google that, Lucas. Now, in our America, we have cub scouts, and we have different level of Scouts going up to Boy Scouts. Wolf, Eagle, Eagle. Is this just part of their hierarchy?

Beaver to Girl Scout? Well it wasn't good that the Boy Scouts graduated to Wee Blows. What? Yeah that's a real thing. And you got a handkerchief when you became a Wee Blow. Yeah I should have wiped that mouth. Oh man. Earn your next badge. My cousins in Ireland, they have like a coed, boy and girl scouts, and their thing is just

once a year. Oh, sorry. I don't mean to interrupt you. Definitely just not say beaver. No, it's... How many people have you told this fact? The boy scouts, search... You said girl.

You said girl scouts. No, no, I said boy scouts in the UK are beaver scouts beaver scouts often shortened to be the British boy scouts The second last on is funny official section of scouting. I think it's funnier that it's boys because they're the ones who should The core age range for beaver scouts is six to eight years old that's about right that's when you get them started. Yeah It's what I that's how I frame my boys start scouting Beaver at six. Nice. Yeah. What are you saying? I told him mother **** I'm sorry, Kate. You're no, that's okay. They so they grew up in like the Irish Scouts. It was it's always

coed and from the time they're like pretty young. There's this yearly thing where they just drop them off in the Irish Scouts, it's always coed. And from the time they're pretty young, there's this yearly thing where they just drop them off in the middle of nowhere, and they have to make their way home over a series of days. And all the locals, everybody knows, so they can just go up to anyone's house and be like, hello, we're sleeping in your backyard tonight. And it's like, all right. And they just have to put in little squads,

and they just have to make their way over like the Easter That makes tough kids. They said they loved it. Like it was awesome Real shit, I don't think that would fly here. My kids just wouldn't come back Have you seen the show where they just make little Japanese kids run errands? Yeah Yeah, all of you have seen that show yeah, it's a great show All of you have seen that show. Yeah, it's a great show Send them out like a flick like Flag on find it try to find a store and buying eggs and shit. Yeah, I'm like, that's a better society Yeah, there's a kid show them how to get to the store and they're all just do they all pick up their trash I feel like yeah knows what's up if my kids could go out and buy like they know if we're low on milk

There's like how could you possibly not have milk for me? Yeah, get it yourself. Yeah, and then there's the episode where like all the kids nail it all these like two and three-year-olds They're like doing errands and then there's the episode with like the three-year-old boy They send him up to the house to make orange juice for everyone and he's supposed to come back and instead he just ends up Drawing with a marker all over the house. I like I like great shame upon that kid's gonna go for yeah By the way the farmers dog the days are warmer the walks longer one easy way to help your dog shine this season With fresh healthy food from the farmers. You're gonna take a piss Healthy food from the farmers dog farmers dog makes real fresh dog food and delivers it right to your door recipes are Developed by vet nutritionists made from real meat and veggies and portion just for dog, making it easy to say goodbye to burnt brown balls and feed your dog real

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They sound like just carrier pigeons. Here you go, Lucas. Inspired by a successful Japanese TV series. I need you to buy three things. You're going to help me scrub the front pan. And buy some food so you and Aba can eat. Oh, did they do it? From two to five years old. Oh, first time, so fun.

They're speaking English in this version, so now, do they just do it with Japanese Americans? Yeah. I can't even go to the grocery store and get the right thing. Yeah, no, it's... Like, I am always... When I go to the grocery store with a list, I always fuck up and leave one of these things. ...ask them to run errands alone.

I came here by myself. Don't you want to help Mama? It's so hot. Are they old enough? Like, we would get CPS called on us and never see our kid again. Yeah, we if we did that that they're doing it, right? Yeah, yeah They're raising kids that are independent ready to go Kids yeah do shit for themselves

It's like uber eats with kids with children. Just having probably more efficient. Yeah, the costs would go down mm-hmm You know why child labor? I guess child labor laws are good probably I guess they're sure that was a good thing sure they are But are you allowed to make their own kids work like if you run a business But are you allowed to make your own kids work? Like if you run a business, can you have your own kids working in that business? Yeah.

I think your own kids are your property. Okay. Yeah, I think you should be able to let your own kids work. Yeah, you can do whatever you want with them. You're expecting one, Donnie. Start them young. Mm-hmm. Or- Are you getting nervous?

You should be able to employ kids, but you have to pay them like three times the normal wage Yeah, no, you're getting they need less money. I know but they also like Shouldn't be working in the first place. So you got to pay a pretty so they can like pay their parents What are kids like a twitch streamer? They're just playing oh, yeah anyway There's actually a rule now for child actors that if you're a child actor Some of the money they're paid has to go into an account. That's only for them. That's correct

Yeah, because there was a lot of parents just like that's going to call it. I'll get a divorce his parents Yeah, and taking all their money. Are you getting nervous Donnie? You're still a ways away February. Yeah, I'm still a ways away babies Or babies don't do anything. Yeah, they're fine Yeah, I've heard the first like two to three years or just now a lot of fun the first 18 years or nothing No, once they do three years more like first nine months. They don't do anything. Okay, but once they start crawling then I'd say six months No, they start crawling around nine. Oh My kid had a job at eight months That's just mine though. What's he doing? Was he a titty sucker?

That is every kid's first job. Yeah. He's not a dream. It kind of rocks. Yeah. Whenever I get nervous, I just think of the fact that Brandon has four kids. Yeah I'll figure it out. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah There's a yeah, there's a lot of what I was gonna say I still like there's I play that game every now and then like you imagine White Sox Dave with kids Nate Mincy Rico Rico Rico. Yeah, Rico's got two kids

Yeah, and he had two kids when he was going through his toughest moments. Yeah, so yeah So yeah, if he can juggle all that I should I don't know if he juggled all Major major life crisis a guy But yeah, he juggled it. White Sox Dave with a kid would be so funny. Baby spit cup. Yeah, his kid would be the youngest kid to ever drink dip. I did it like to I think his kid would be.

It beat me. Yeah. By the way, speaking of dip show, hey, huh? Time out. Hold on. Now hold on a goddamn minute. Here's a second. Hold on a god. Speaking of dip show, speaking of dips show, hey, dip on a baseball show. How baseball?

How are baseball and dip? Where's the line between baseball and dip? There is not. It's a straight line. Yeah, that's literally a straight line. They're connected. If you think tip tip you think baseball. Mm-hmm Do you first? Yeah, I think it ships. No chips Well, we were obviously in the context of the conversation we were talking about tobacco dip speaking of dip if you think it tobacco dip What's the first thing you think of baseball? Yeah, I agree. That's how I learned what it was. That's a hundred percent

So you went straight line picking up dip show. Hey, Oh Tony. Yeah, I agree. That's how I learned what it was. That's a hundred percent So you went straight line picking up dip show. Hey, Otani. Yes, I Think that made perfect. I said it all mostly today and Our argument a month ago. Don't touch me. I was right I was right and the Aaron judge stopped hitting home run he did and show hey, Otani went to the fucking moon It's also one of my favorite debates because it's simply like a cool stats verse like war and all that shit the Yankees fans being like well statistically it's like yeah but 5151 is fucking yeah it's fucking amazing it's like my advanced that is is it cool yeah I'm with you it's cool you're either pro war anti-war yeah I'm with you. It's cool. You're either pro war or anti war. Yeah, I'm anti war as

well. Not a comment on the on baseball's lack of ability to make stars, but Shohei Otani should be the very most famous person in the world. Who should be more famous for what they do than Shohei Otani? LeBron James. It's toward the end. Basketball is toward the end. It's toward the end. So Otani is in the prime. He should be on money is what I said on mostly. He should be on money. Money should be on American money. He should be on the $5 bill. He is going to go down as a great baseball player of all time. Maybe not the best career. Right? Because we do confuse greatest accomplishments

and skill. Right? Of course, Barry Bonds is the greatest baseball. He's not I would say he's the greatest hitter of all time well he's not yeah he is he's a he's a robot he's a mechanical robot that was created in a lab Ted Williams it's not greatest hitter he was a human being he was a titty sucker before any of the open delays 35 he's one of the 20 great hitters of all time and then he cheated and became this great I like this this. This is Brandon Brandon. Brandon Gamans over here. No SEC. SEC football fan Brandon Walker says cheating in sports. Yeah. No. Get it out of here. Brandon. Kirk chin is very is

a gas to bury bonds up until 99 when he was age 35. He was one of the greatest players of all time. Then he then he tainted the game and became the greatest fake of all time. That's true. You're the team. Not a sports show. fake of all time that's true you're the team not a sports show who's the one that my kids titty's verducci that did the yeah this ballot I hold it my ass can we play can you find the weight of the world it was verducci it was this about Barry no he basically was like did a hype video for himself on voting for the for the Hall of. I could check these boxes or I could continue to suck my own dick.

It was like a perfectly sun-lit office, home office. Yeah, where he basically hyped himself up. He was like, this is the most important decision a man can ever make. Checking a box and seeing if enough of the thousand other men check the same box. It's ridiculous, but I'm glad he thinks that. Yeah. He's having fun, you know? It's a hilarious, hilarious thing.

Yeah, I don't know if he was having fun. He was like, he thinks he's... When did Brian Kinney start looking that ridiculous? He's like saving the world. That's like Conway Twitty. But that's fun. Yeah. Thinking you're that important is the most fun thing

you can do. Yeah. Lucas, you can't play it? Yeah, no, we can't't play because I'm moving network What about if I found it when I tweeted it? Probably still yeah that works. Oh, sorry search my Twitter and Verduci forgot. He's a beaver scout America Verduci I guess it's also still on Oh I guess it's also still on a

NLV network a baseball. Can you play it on Twitter? No, can you just reenact it Lucas? Yeah, Lucas come out here Audio to start it and you guys can get the vibe Every time I jerk off. The weight of history. The weight of history in your hands is heavy. Bro, you're voting for a fucking... Yeah, I just, as a Giants fan, I had to pollute the Shohei conversation with some Barry Bonds. I'm with you, Barry Bonds.

That was my entire goal, but Shohei is sick, and it's kind of hard to deny it. He's just... it's so cool. And I just can't wait for the Dodgers to lose in the first round and everyone's going to be worried about the whole setup of the MLB playoffs. The coolest thing we've ever seen in sports. Ever?

I think so. I haven't watched a minute of it. What about when... What about... Okay. It's one of the best... Coolest things you've ever seen. What about when Chris Jones' dick and balls flopped out of the combine? I've seen it, but that was pretty cool

His dick and balls were so powerful. They burst through his underwear. Yeah, no, Mississippi State Yeah, you had already seen his dick and balls before that. I've seen Chris Jones dick and balls playing. Okay What about add the horse hitting the ball out. Add the horse hitting the ball. Someone help me. Someone help. Oh, Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed hitting home run in Dodger Stadium. Double doing way up there. No, not the double doink. Lucas, this is where you're the worst. Let's give his phone number out again. Yeah. Fucking guy. Coolest thing. What about the the Michael Phelps relay team

beating France in the swing? Lee Zak. Lee Zak. Jason Lee Zak. That was pretty cool. They beat France. Not as cool as Shohei Ohtani being a great pitcher and then going 50-50. Shit.

51. I really hope he ends on a 55-55. It needs to be. He has to. If he's like 53-52. He catches Judge in home runs. Like, Judge is at 53, right? Judge got to 51 a month ago. Have you seen Shohei live? No.

When you're watching, it's crazy. He's standing on the field, and he looks like a different species. Yeah. Like, he's so fast. Like, he just looks like he's playing a different game. He's so smooth. Yeah.

Imagine being fast. Probably pretty cool. So cool. And Asian, Asian too a fast Asian is not since Tokyo Drift have I seen it no we don't have we don't know any here yeah that's true not anymore not anymore all right let's talk about Lucy Lucy's the obvious choice for the true nicotine pouch connoisseurs. That's why they are the official nicotine pouch partner of Barstool Sports. Lucy pouches go up to 12mg in strength and have a unique shape that feels great.

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skill for one day you get it in sports what would you pick and I think like having Tyree kill speed for a day would be awesome because you could do like oh I have Barry Bonds power, but What you're gonna go to a field and just hit dingers off of your yeah like I would Tiger Woods also would be up there His I was gonna say a golfer that can go dunking practical or dunking dunking I've done that you could make the most money with golf cuz you could go play with your normal crew Yeah, like let's get a little loose today. Yeah, play and then just play out of your mind normal crews poor as hell, though Find a crew yeah

Yeah, you get a better crew find Michael Jordan. What happens the next day when the crew's still around fucking quit Yeah, you never you never do that again. It would fuck up your handicap you'd have to Yeah, you wouldn't want to be handicapped yeah Dunking would be cool Nope a baseball player could never be the most famous athlete in the world though Just cuz like China doesn't give a fuck about baseball. I feel like Okay, yeah, I guess like guess soccer player then wins every time soccer basketball yeah yeah what about being what about being an MMA fighter and just

settling all your scores in one day that was this guy's thinking you send a message arm-barring everyone yeah and then no one fucks with you ever again yeah who was the MMA fighter that did ayasca, but then hasn't won a fight since Aaron Rodgers Rogers has not won an MMA fight in years. Yeah It was He's too filled with love. You're not supposed to fill out your your Zante Wilder. Maybe no Velasquez Velasquez made sure No, he's a boxer Velasquez sure

Kane Velasquez pick out a name. Yeah, what's that? Yeah, I think Kane Velasquez is in jail right now for Shit out somebody right he he avenged he did a full vengeance pedophile. Yeah, but everyone's on his side Yeah, yeah, somebody messed with this girl his little girls I think his niece or something and he like saw that guy I think he like capped him like in traffic or something. Whoa. Yeah, and everyone's like we're good with that. Yeah Yeah, he like that's fine. He went kind of like Dexter Yeah, there should be like a Twitter poll to get him free. You guys cool with this Yes Don't you think that's a testament to show Hayes?

Greatness that he had a scandal that we couldn't have been less interested in and if that's a scandal that might take down a lot of athletes but we were like just just painted on pen it on the translator and let's go let's move on well I actually believe it was a translator sure if it is or if it wasn't if it happens to like yeah if it happens to I don't know Tom Brady I feel like it's it hangs around with Shohei we're like just get it out of news. Let's let's let's go ahead and move on. Well, I think he also got the benefit because of the language barrier that might not exist. Right. Well, yeah, that's right. We think he might have just like a Jersey accent.

Uh huh. He's part of he's part of the yeah, the big justice crew. Yeah. Boom. They retweeted me yesterday. Really? Yeah. My Gary got Jerry's Jerry gave Mama Justice a boom last night. Oh, I'm sorry. What? Oh, by the way, did you see last night we might have found the one thing that mincey's useful for? Racism? No, we did a we did a blindfold stream because we were doing a cell blue coffee thing and the whole gambling cave was blindfolded and Mincy had to call two football games at the same time and he actually kind of rocked. Yeah I mean he can do that. It was nuts. I

need a clip of this. Yeah it was really good and then and then the best was the there was a moment where we all took off our blindfolds and the starting left tackle for the Jets was writhing in pain. And like Tom and memes were like, what the fuck? He just didn't say that. Failed to mention. Injuries. There's definitely a clip from last night. It was, yeah. Matt just woke up one morning and he's like, why is my mouth taste like tape? And he swallowed it. Take a snap, like, and then, by Aguilar,

he bombs it down the right sideline all the way down in a fault course. What game, what game? 51 yard line of South Alabama. Wait, they're at the one yard line? No, we're fine. Oh, shit. And now we have a flat on the field.

Aguilar. What's happening in the jet ski? Going confidently to South Alabama. We're back in net life. First down to 10-2. field at Aguilar. What's happening to the Jets? We're back in MetLife. It's a first down, four abstain. An air roses under center ball and a 34 yard line. It's a room left to Bryce Hall. No, no.

Bryce Hall, game of no. Bryce Hall. Game of one and a half. Good day, good day, good day. That's what he did for like an entire quarter. He was good. Yeah, that sounded great. Yeah, he found his spot. He's got to blindfold us all the time.

Kate, do you remember, we were talking about it because like for the double doink, we just did the blindfold thing because Bird Box was popular. It was the Bird Box game. And I brought a box that had like a tall boy, a pack of cigarettes and something else in it. And I forget who. Yeah, I don't know why I did it was, but it was because of the movie. Was I know? And that movie sucked. Yes, it did. And it was like a fad for like two days.

Yeah but it was the bird box. Viewing. I just couldn't remember why. I enjoyed it. Yeah I did not. Lucas that was a double doing because you love talking about it. I didn't realize. Steven what do you got for us today.

Oh next week. So next week, I'll be out obviously, because of so I'm barstool. I think we're you guys are going to start the Malicek dating show. Yeah, we're, we're, we're still in the planning stages of exactly how it's gonna look. But we will be doing a version of the mouse dating show because you guys are going to be kind of tied with one hand behind your back with no use of the office. So you're stuck in so this will be perfect for something to do. And then the following week or the week

after we'll actually have some of the contestants come. Right. So we'll Okay, that's it because we can't bring we shouldn't bring in people to our office next week. Correct. So maybe we'll do the first the preliminary rounds through either Zoom or however we do it. And then the next week we can bring people in. Yes. Get it down to like five, get down to 10 maybe. Yeah. Okay.

I've been going through the submissions. There's some good ones in there. Are there? I think there's a shot at love. Oh really? Joey, we're doing a dating show for our asexual colleague. Asexual gay colleague. Yeah. How can you be both? Well, he colleague. Asexual gay colleague. Yeah.

How can you be both? Well, he is. He's found a way. He's one. He doesn't know the other. Yeah. OK. It's called it.

What's the show called? He's Not Gay. What do we end up calling the show? OK, yeah. It's all started because he had a hot girl give her number to him at a bar on a napkin which doesn't have that happens in rom-com goodwill hunting yeah yeah and he was just like yeah I don't really care yeah what that is insane he doesn't want to meet girls at bars and a

girl gave him the egg he took her to a basketball game and she said this looks pretty hard and he was like that he like, that gave me the edge. That's her annoying comment. A respect for the game? Yeah. Yeah, this guy's gay, sexual. I'm excited. I will watch this show. That's the name of the show, asexual or gay.

Yeah, it's going to be great. Do you think people come out as asexual? I think so. I think people have been doing that to Malasek in the DMs. Really? Being like, hey, like, just so you know, know like I'm asexual. It's okay. Do those people even crank do you think I don't think so It can't be asexual for crank. They just look at the wall and wall right it's probably an awesome light Yeah, they're so productive. Yeah, you just eliminate an entire part of your life that like everyone has to go through the mental clarity

You must have yeah, yeah, huh Should we have an intervention to make him come out as asexual? Can we do that's what the show is yeah? We have to think about like being yeah, you're just kind of a loner, but you don't care So are you gonna set him up with guys and girls? And then like puzzles he says he wants to fall in love with a girl. Okay. Oh thank you. And he says he thinks he can do it. Thanks, Lucas. He could just be picky but that's kind of gay. He could be a sapiosexual. It's like I think when you're only attracted

to someone you have like people that you have like a intelligent connection with. So like someone that- Nerds. That's good. What? Nerds. Yeah, I think it's like you can only be sexually attracted to someone if you already have a very deep mental

connection with them. Got it. So he's not gonna be at a bar and be like, oh that chick's hot, like a hot chick hands him like a number, he doesn't care. She's gotta do like E equals MC squared, and he's like whoa. Yeah.

Back to good will hunting to hemisexual Person who experienced sexual feelings attraction only after developing a close emotional relationship and not on the basis of first impressions Wait, that's not probably how we should all be Yeah, it is crazy like the opposite of love at first sight that also they just came up with a phrase To describe people who are not good at picking up chicks in a bar So you only crank it like that's just a guy who doesn't do one night stand or a guy who's not striptease Yeah, that's a that's a guy who went to a Christian college is the guy hot I?

Don't know Colleagues mouse sack is not unattractive. I got your mark. Thanks. I heard it pause Is not unattractive I got you mark. Thanks. I heard it. Thanks, Brandon pause Mousex good-looking mouse looks very good. Oh, he's cute as hell. He's a catch, okay Yeah, no, he's a good. I mean you gotta be good-looking to get a random neck and thrown at you is he tall no god No, he's tall. He's tall enough Say tall what's the new height that girls are like saying? What's what's the 666 rule? Gotta be six foot or above you gotta make at least six figures and you gotta have a six pack the six pack Yeah Six figures, okay, that's do all six bad news for you Donnie

Doable as if it's gonna grow Six-pack like who has a six-pack can you work? Can you work around it? Can you go like that? Can you go like six eight? Oh, he's he's got I think that they cleaned this up though. I Think it's still six. I agree penis But I think the higher in the six figures you are the smaller penis can be Yeah, I mean that's yeah There's a VT in your head. Figure it out away there. Yeah, I mean that's yeah If you're like a billionaire you can have you can have a micro penis penis doesn't matter as much at that point. Yeah Having a six-inch must be horrible. What do you mean? What disagree? mean what disagree huh all right let's discuss let him cook what is your penis

is six inches long but soft I mean obviously yeah you have a big dick I don't know you don't know any other way though Jay it's just kind of like how you've gone through life I think those people are showers they it might not get any bigger stiffens I think getting hard just means getting hard hold on Having a big dicks would suck no No, it's been kind of not also so you can get bigger and harder and just have like a regular size soft dick Okay, so big you're changing. We didn't we like say that he had a big dick. Yeah, he does six inches Again I still think that would rule yes yeah it's not that bad I think that would be pretty cool if you're like yeah I'm six inches soft it's yeah you can have a

normal life I feel like you guys would do like cool goofy tricks with it around other guys correct like you link check this out I mean everyone knows the one guy in like college or high school was had a big dick and he would just fucking do meat spinning. Yeah. And just go to Ohio State. Tricks on it. Yeah. Just to make a hamburger, I'd take my dick

and split my balls with it. Turn it sideways and your balls are the buns. I'd be in the shower and just be like, you guys want a hamburger? So you have a hog Titus? I had a hamburger. Yeah, you want a hamburger? So you have a hog Titus? I had a hamburger. Yeah, you want a hamburger. No, I did not in the Ohio State basketball locker room.

I promise you, I did not have a big. I was not a you weren't the starting. I was not the starting lineup when he walked into that locker room. I don't think I was the one that would stand out it really does kind of show like why will is such a Hilarious and like good guy to have around the fact that he was in an NFL locker room for nine years His nickname was shrimp if you can do that you can do anything. Yeah, nothing will faze you. Yeah, that's just a blow to the ego beyond belief

Shrimp. I think I wouldn't. That's actually probably why I'm not in the NFL, because I would never want to take a shower showing my. Yeah, that's the reason. Are you sure? Right. Yeah, they don't allow that. I don't think they don't allow that. You have to show hog to the boys.

You have to. Oh, OK. All right. It's a bonding requirement. You're like a narc if you're going in there with a baby. Yeah Yeah, well you can't peep in either like that's how you keep guys in check is like hey you better hang Dong But also don't look yeah Brandon has his hands over at the whole time cupping it Yeah, cuz think about it like you go into like a big game and the coach is like you look to the guy next to you You die for him and like not this guy he Wears fucking shorts. I can't see his cock

You wear that's on the scouting report like how's he in the showers you wear? Yeah locker room guy and shower guy he wears the boar hat thong in the shower Wait so Joey are you on the on road on the road right now for like an extended period So with comedy like with music you go on a long tour. With me, it's a lot of like go back to New York for three or four days and then fly out and I'm gone like the next like five weekends. Got it.

Yeah. Where do you live in New York? Lower East Side. Nice. How's New York doing? I love it. I mean, I've lived West Coast my entire life. Like grew up in the Bay Area college in San Diego

La for wait which San Diego schools you see to go Triton's house our house. How sick was it? UCSD is known as the least cool school in San Diego But going to college in San. Yeah is so everyone's like oh It's not fun and my take on that is if you didn't have fun during your college years in San Diego, there's something wrong with you. Yeah, San Diego is the best wait you see San Diego. What is their the tritons are they blue? Yes, so there's University of San Diego. That's like also one you're thinking of Harbaugh coach Yeah, that's like Herrera's and then yeah, UCSD was like D2. I went there to play baseball got cut found comedy How quickly did you get cut? I was like a recruited walk-on so I thought I was on the team for the year and then I got there and there were

16 recruited walk-ons and they kept one of us. Oh Recruiting coordinator who did that to all of us left. Oh my god So then I had a opportunity I like got an offer to go play at a Santa Barbara City College, and I was gonna go there But then I was like if I go to junior college in Santa Barbara. I'm not even playing baseball What position you put a short stop and pitcher how fast could you throw it well? This is why I was never gonna work out like 86 87. Yeah, I was bullshit though Yeah, it sucked it sucked, and it was like my whole identity and it's so what was the moment that

You realize that there were 16 it like did you get there and you're like, all right first practice. Here we go Yeah, you kind of caught a whiff of it at like orientation. They're going around and everyone's like yeah I'm here to play ball and be on the baseball team and then like a lot of people were saying be on the baseball team and then like a lot of people were saying that Yeah, you're doing the mental math you're like is this a 70 person roster Yeah, and then you go through like a month of tryouts and like, you know college sports I mean you actually know what I don't but for a month It's like you're waking up at like 4 a.m Going to the gym going to class for a few hours practicing for five night class

Go through all that and then they're just like yeah, we made you do all that yeah for a month. Holy shit Course you thought you're on the team like you're not supposed to do that shit So you're like on the team the trial is supposed to be kind of yeah like can you throw key? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, no, it was basically out a month or a month and a half of what's crazy Team got me into the school. Where do you think you landed on the 16? That's a good question I would say on vibes alone because I think I was very strong locker room guy Yeah, I'm probably like fifth or sixth okay. I was that would kill you if you were to know I don't like a clear to I don't think I was too I sent the coach an insane email when I got cut

What'd you say? It was like one of those like, you know as much as I want to say fuck you right now Thank you for the opportunity Yeah, and then I was like I did it was insane I was like, you know, I really want to be around the team if there's any way I can help out as much as I'd Love to spend every day in my dorm room Jerking it in parentheses. I have a single I do want to be pretty Honest to God, I still have it. Yeah It's yeah, it was insane but the coach was a nutcase

Yeah, he made us wear like field of dreams outfits Like he made all the whole team had like pinstripe outfits with like really baggy like babe Ruth pants and like gigantic Shirt is D2. Yeah, that's so fun. He's just amusing himself. Yeah, he's just going to the bar Just like you won't believe what I got these fucking kids starting to sound like your little league experience, but that's I can't believe when I got these fucking kids compared to that. It's starting to sound like you're a little league experienced. But that's like a hell of a... Like those people...

That coach is probably so happy because he just found a place where he's the king of his little spot. That's a lot of coaches. He just has ultimate power even though it's the smallest amount of... Like in the big scheme of things, but he just fucking rocks it. Yeah, yeah. He's... it. Yeah. Yeah, he's D2 is rough. I don't really even know why people play D2 sports cuz You're not gonna go pro and you're not gonna get a good It's it's diabolical that email six inches soft. All right, let's go. Actually Brandon you read it with your Bernie Mac voice

nice southern accent You can skim when I had some parts of boring, but yeah. Good Lord. No matter what this sounds like, I want to make sure you don't see this as me trying to kiss ass to get somewhere. That's not really my intent. I'm sending an email because I don't think I can really get my thoughts out over the phone or in a meeting which would otherwise be a better way. I really do want to thank you for the opportunity to play here. I learned some really valuable things from those meetings and things I really want to take to heart and believe will help me in life. I fully understand the position you're in and how fucked you are trying to squeeze 60 guys Into a group of 35 and I I know you're gonna have to cut some guys They're gonna be harder to let go than I was so I this is a long run

I don't know why I thought I needed to say fuck and kiss his ass I'm gonna start that sentence over because that was a sentence. I just want everyone to know I was like 18 years, so this is not who I am. I fully understand the position you're in and how fucked you are trying to squeeze 60 guys into a group of 35, and I know you're gonna have to cut some guys that are gonna be harder to let go of than I was,

so I know I may not be getting a response tonight. Aw. This is how I would text girls too, by the way. That was a brain tumble, yeah. You emptied your brain on that one. In the next few days, I'm going to have to figure out my life and basically was wondering if there are any things I can do to be part of the program and help out even if it isn't actually as a player. I know that's probably something you may not usually offer to freshmen, but I haven't really

got anything to lose so I figured I'd ask. It'd be kind of a kick in the sack to do that, but I know if I stay around the game in whatever way I'll come back next year and make the team. Plus, without practice I need to figure something out no matter how much I'd like to spend all day jacking it in my room. Parentheses, I have a single. I know I had a month to try out and I kind of shit the bed I get that and I can see why I got cut but being completely honest I know I am much better than some kids who are guaranteed to be on the team and that's just how it

goes I know I'm good enough to be a starter here someday and I'm a few mental adjustments away that's the worst part of the whole thing I know I'm good enough to be a starter here one day and I'm a few mental adjustments away. That's the worst part of the whole thing, dude. I know I'm good enough to be a starter here one day and I'm a few mental adjustments away from being able to really play like I can. Parentheses, I'm not saying that to kiss your ass. Anyway, let me know if there's any sort of opportunity there. If not, could you let me know a little bit more about the thought process and my getting cut. Parentheses. Parentheses guy. Not a comic guy. In a way that would give me ideas of what to work on. That would be really helpful.

Although I'd rather say fuck you right now. Thanks for everything. Good luck. Thanks, Joey. Oh, wow. I show that to my roommate and he's like, that's a beautiful email. You should send that right. Well, I could tell like getting into an 18 year old's brain I know what you're trying to do

You basically were like if I write this email the coach is gonna be like moxie. You know what you want. I was wrong Yeah, you showed me Joey. Yeah, yeah, like using shit that he taught me during that month Yeah, trying to the worst part of the most embarrassing part of it is the mental adjustments thing Yeah, anytime someone's like my brain's just not right, but I'll get there. You're cooked. That was like Stan and I'm like, I'm too good to call and write my fans. Did he write you back? Yeah, he did. He was basically like, interesting email.

He was like, I usually try to factor emotions in, but this one was a little wild. If you want to rewrite that, let's hop on a call. I went in and met with him and he offered me to do laundry for the team And I was like absolutely and then I left and I was like I'm not a bitch and I never went back So did you try to make the team next year? No, I I thought I was going to and I like played summer ball that year And then I got back and I just kind of moved on and this is a way better movie than Rudy You get cut like when Rudy got cut he yeah It's just yeah the first like ten minutes or him trying to make the team in the next like 70 minutes or him jerking off

Single was my flex yeah, you know hi that is a flag it was pretty tight people had singles fresh in here It was a big deal. Yeah, I mean it was like Oh, let's party in your place. Yeah Damn, that's so funny. Oh man Try yeah, but then you so then you started to comedy right after that. Yeah, I because I didn't play baseball I got to do other shit in college. So I Studied abroad in Cape Town and then I started in South Africa. I started stand-up Wow and that was it

I just think for some reason it's just in my head because I haven't spent that much time in California Just any UC school sounds awesome a Lot of them really are yeah, it's cool. Yeah, California gets so much shit. I'm like alright if people don't like I fucking love it, too Sb Sbcc would have been you're right on about that by the way it would have been a problem I was gonna California boys gonna talk real quick. Yeah Yeah, Santa Barbara City College has a baseball field like right next to the ocean, and I was gonna try Oh, I want to see it. It's cool football stadium is like the coolest looking the football one is probably both. Yeah

Yeah Where's the baseball center? It's like whatever I've seen Pepperdine like once or twice. I'm like yeah I get why they suck at basketball. Yeah, yeah, you go school here life is awesome. Yeah, yeah, go to school Malibu I lived in San Diego for a while, and I don't know which campus it was near La Jolla But all the campus housing was like on this beautiful cliff overlooking. That's you see oh yeah Oh my God, yeah, there'd be like red solo cups blowing like any other school But they're like going into the beautiful. It's like artful. Yeah, it's how we contribute to the big trash island Yeah, that place was amazing that campuses. Oh, yeah, yeah, look at that football field

Yeah, now that's the place you could go play d2 Yeah, so that's a city college, and I was gonna double enroll at UCSB And I was like oh, I'm gonna go to two colleges and play baseball and live in Santa Barbara. That doesn't seem all that way So there are junior college kids at that school. Yeah, they all have a baseball field UCSB I think the football field is more picturesque a little city but You should have gone there. Maybe I should have yeah made a mistake. You made a mistake. You need to go back Well, I was thinking about it It's like if I do that

I would basically have gone to like three or four different colleges in a four-year span But that's what kids at D2 level do also we have a guy Nikki smokes has gone to every college in Florida Yeah, I like going to one though you build a little institution there. Yeah, you get comfortable. It was San Diego Oh, that's pretty sick. It's hard to leave college in San Diego Yeah, that's a pretty sick field with the mountains in the back. Yeah when you lived in San Diego How how often would you go down to Tijuana? I actually never went They put they put heavy propaganda into us like right when I was going down there. They're like Mexico's fine if you want to go to Cabo or Mexico City or whatever, but they're like the border towns They're like, you know

We've had students like get killed and stuff full of drugs and then like sent back over the border and I don't even think that's true. No, they told us definitely not. Can I see UC San Diego's campus? I think there's like one our library is crazy. UC San Diego library is wild. Well, what named after Dr. Seuss? Just take a look at novelist.

How much how much action is a library in California getting that's true how much action yeah Like homeless people no Oh a lot of people I would the school I went to was very studious Okay, UCSD is known as a very nerdy school in Like San Diego yeah cuz UCSD is like the third best you see cuz you have Berkeley and UCLA and then there was like a bunch of frustrated kids at UCSD who are mad They didn't get into that doing science and stuff. They have a cutthroat sorority scene there, too What was that building? That's the library? Oh, yeah guys a library named after Theodore Geisel

I take back what I said immediately had sex on the eighth floor that building It's the top one oh It's right near Torrey Pines right right near Tor. It's like right across the street from it. It is Yeah, I think it's because they whenever there's a movie about a college. They always tape them in California somewhere, so I think that's like in your brain. you know man. I think the probably the quintessential California college experience would be UC Santa Barbara That's that's yeah, I love is that is this little island that is just like Partying they got the fucking like houses on the cliffs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, UCSB is kind of the one, but they're all awesome

High schools in California look sweet too. Yeah, because they do it outdoors. Yeah. Yeah. The one thing I remember about San Diego's state's campus is they had skateboard racks. It like blew my mind. That's a different... And the way everywhere else you lock up your bike

when you go to class, you ride your skateboard you like put it in this little rack and then they had like a padlock you put your skateboard on. Yeah, I would longboard from longboard class. It's crazy. Yeah, it's just longboarding. It's lovely Yeah, this is Ridiculous that's New Jersey had the meatball shelf Kill me Yeah, anyway, Ohio State was cool though. Columbus is beautiful.

Yeah we had. Back to school, Rodney Dangerfield was filmed in Madison so that's kind of cool. Ohio, you had your own beautiful island of Put-in-Bay. That's true, yeah. If you could have played anywhere, where would you have gone? Like, well that's hard to answer because 30, the problem like Pepperdine has is Pepperdine

and Malibu it's first of all it's a dry campus secondly there's like nothing to do around there and by the time you're old enough to like appreciate how fucking sick it is you're you've aged out of like the college thing so like like a 17 year old going on recruiting visit be like this is boring as fuck. Right. So if you're asking me I would say like I would I would want to go to Pepperdine But like teen year old me would go there and be like there's nothing to do here. Yeah. Yeah, he has a Malibu very expensive It's expensive. It's just a bunch of old rich people Which the older I get the more I'm like yeah, that's not too bad I bet they find their pockets and stuff out there. They surely find a way. Yeah

Well, it's hard not to have fun when the weather is perfect all the time When college you're like just free for the first time yeah drinking doesn't hurt that bad the next day like everything's perfect. Yeah I love sex yeah, how much she loves sex love sex. I'd be glad when they put that shit in cans That's it that was good. Thanks. You would use a high dune read I told Us gonna play basketball today. I couldn't go I called him I said they said where you gonna go Brandon I said I'm gonna go to store give me a six pack of pussy and I'm head on in kick it it's good it's really good yeah I gotta explore the whole Bernie man yeah no you're doing good yeah yeah it's time to load up the ice to break out the oversized long games because the High Noon End Zone pack is here.

It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit. The High Noon End Zone pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, not a long time. Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you. High Noon, spirits.com. I'll be damn. Going to Auburn tomorrow. Yeah, we are. Oh, that's gonna be sick. Gonna be

warm. Is it? Yeah, about 85. Oh no. Middle of the day. I'm I'm hydrated right now. Who they got? Uh Arkansas. Not the best game in the world but we've never been to Auburn so we're going. I'm excited. Yeah. It's lovely. Auburn's the loveliest village on the plains. They have the biggest stadium TV, don't they? They got one of them, I think. Yeah, the top three. Do they roll Tumors corner every game?

I think every time they win, yeah. Every time they win or something good happens to them. Like, if they hire a good coach, they'll roll to the corner. But if they beat some like FCS school by 70, they're still doing it? I think they do it. They won't do it with the same fervor. Yeah, but tradition is tradition, though.

They won't have the same fervor. Fervor? Fervor. Fervor. Yeah. Auburn's a great place. Great place to watch a football game big stadium big loud stadium They kind of suck right now though. She get Charles Barkley on the show. I think we were going to yeah. Hey manbo Jackson

Yeah, right. Yeah, okay. She's my two cents. All right Bruce Pearl Sure, are we I don't know okay? Cam Newton yeah, but on the act Cam Newton? Yeah. Been on the Yak? He's in. He has been on the Yak. Didn't he not do great on the gauntlet? No. He couldn't throw the football. He did bad.

He couldn't throw the football? Right. He should have run it. I think he would be... We wouldn't have stopped him. Shit. We had Cam Newton like a year ago and you just... We just got the joke.

Right. Fuck! God damn it. That was sitting right there, Joey. Surviving's a joke. Really? Fuck! God damn it. I was sitting right there, Joey. Surviving's a problem. Why? Because they've been working on the gym and they've been working on the building and everything

and I couldn't walk this morning. So if I get fat again, it's surviving. I know, I was bummed to see it. I was like excited for Gauntlet Redemption. I was thinking about it like two weeks ago, like I need to go get some shots up. Yeah. Why don't you just walk outside? Huh? Why don't you

walk outside? It's beautiful today. Why don't you mind your own goddamn business? Just saying we're worried about you look happy already. It's like outside is pretty cool. Yeah, it's like more exciting. No, I sidewalks are pretty good for walking. I think he's afraid of the crime. You're you're buying into the Chicago propaganda. I'm fine. Urban guy. I just he's afraid of the crime. You're buying into the Chicago propaganda. I'm fine. Urban guy. Who's even making that noise?

I just, no. I had a routine. I had a routine. I turned my speaker on. I'd walk. I'd lift my weights. I'd do everything. You can do that outside.

I'm gonna do it on the treadmill. I tried to move the treadmill into the Yak Studio to do it in the Yak Studio in the morning, but it's covered up by a bunch of stuff. You couldn't move it? Well, Paige couldn't move it. For being honest, if everything's on the table, Paige

couldn't move it. Damn, I get really bored on a treadmill. But when you're outside, you're seeing something new every block. Yeah, I don't know. And you Yeah, you when you walk outside, like you could walk for a couple of miles and it's like, oh shit. Yeah, you know't know. And you yeah, you when you walk outside, like you could walk for a couple miles and it's like, Oh shit. Yeah, you've walked outside with me for many times. Yeah, you need a lot of breaks. Correct. I remember that one in Tennessee when you're just like, can we

get a break? Sit on the sidewalk walking. Well, it was in Brandon's defense. There was a gradual sloping hill. We need to stop for a break. It was hot. It was a long walk to you said it was gonna be point four miles and it was 1.4. Yeah. Might have lied to you. We haven't walked in a while. I'm walking tomorrow. Yeah, we're gonna walk. All right. I'm walking with you. All right. We're gonna do some walking. I'm walking tomorrow. Yeah, we're gonna walk tomorrow. Right? I'm walking with you. All right. We're just some walking. There's some walking. Your name. Yeah,

Brandon. Rand. I mean, I think I could be your last name. Brandon walk curse. We'll work on it. Yeah. Brandon walk walking. Always be walking. Yeah. Or you could start using a walker. Well, that's good. Not that far from that. walking or you can always be walking. Yeah, or you could start using a walker. Oh That's good. Not that far from that You might as well start doing it now then get used to it

Start practicing Which we how do our draft Kings parlay do you last week I assume bad Does anyone remember? Steven, do you remember what our picks were? I'll look it up. Packers won. Yeah, one of them was Colts. They covered, right? Packers covered.

What if it hit and I just forgot to bet it? Shit. One of them was Packers to cover against the Colts, I thought. Yeah, that was. That happened. Yeah, that did happen. I think maybe the Titans might have had. Yeah, there was an over

There was an over in there somewhere. Yeah, let's pull it up Lucas. We'll make a new one Why don't we do three teams? Yeah, we went two and two. Okay, that's good plus two and a five plus two point five hit and then bucks lions under 51 we lost chiefs minus six and Giants commanders over 43 not really our fault kicker got hurt. Why don't we doants, commanders, over 43. Not really our fault. Kaker got hurt. Why don't we do three? Can we do three? Not really our fault.

Let's do three. I'll call Jack McArthur to come in right now. I mean, just tell him we're going to do three. We're going to do three. Let's do three. Yeah, let's do three. We might have a chance of hitting the three team. May I say something?

Yes, please. Does it have to be all wheel or can we wheel for the game and then pick the bet? Oh, okay. We can do that. That way we have a little skin in the game. Yeah, yeah. I like Tennessee in this game. I... Three legs is good. I...is it still Willis?

Still Malik Willis I mean yeah yeah is it yeah okay well I mean love was practice I know they're trying to they're putting koi out yeah I think they're being coy in a revenge spot right yeah but he was like I always got paid and they were always great to me yeah they gave him an opportunity like they gave me the opportunity yeah to be like I want to stick it to him and he he was like, no, I like those guys. I'll side with you. I don't know what the total is, but feels under.

All right, fine. Let's take the under. All right, so there's one. OK, well, that was. We talked it out. These are. Anyone got a thought What is the way I like charges okay?

Yeah Shit I kind of under a lot all right that under yeah, all right This is a painful, but that's what you that those are the ones that win oh Yeah, God this shit bowl parlay I like I like the Browns there I Think Giants are a different level of bad. I think we go under. A triple under? A triple under is pretty fun. gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York call 877-8HOPENY or text HOPE and Y 467369 in Connecticut help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org please play responsibly on behalf of

Boothill Casino in Resorting Kansas. 21 and over. Age varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. See draft kings.com sportsbook for eligibility terms and responsible gaming resources. Those are terrible games that we got. Australian parlay. Nice. All under. All right. So under down six teams. How many good quarterbacks are in this one? Herbert and he's hurt. Yeah. Jordan Love at this time has not been ruled out. But I, I, it'd be crazy if they- Are you ruling them out? I'm ruling him out. It'd be crazy if they played him because they have the Vikings up next and they already won a game with Malik Willis.

Go with the triple under. I think that those are fun. Terrible game. I mean Steelers under is automatic almost. Yep. Yeah, so we only got to win two unders unless they set the under really low. No, you said it was automatic. Well, it's not automatic. Yeah, I think it's 35 and a half. I'm saying when you look to when you look to bet a total and

you in one of the games of Steelers It that feels like it has to be an under just just to give you guys the total so Packers Titans is 38 Charter Steelers 36 Giants Browns also 38 We can't have any We cannot have a touchdown a touchdown fucks us Let's do it. It sounds fun. Yeah a touchdown a touchdown ands us let's do it it sounds fun yeah a touchdown a touchdown and we're like fuck it so I mean if you get like a you get like a

7-3 first quarter in a 36 yeah this is how you become a great fan though all of a sudden you're like looking at defensive schemes and getting high on that you know yeah ban the cover to Melper. What an old man yells a cloud thing. That was awesome. She's like, you need to ban an entire defense. And he went on all the shows and was defending himself. Mel Kuiper might be one of the most interesting guys out there.

He doesn't have a cell phone. Pumpkin pie every day, right? Pumpkin pie every day. Takes the cheese off pizza. He has a slice of pumpkin pie every day Every day every day every day every day true Pumpkin pie at the bar that night I was just relaxing being cool. You know like I am this woman gonna come up to me and said Brandon I say yeah, that's my name

And she says Brandon this pussy it tastes like pumpkin pie And I said don't ask me. Oh she says, Brandon, this pussy tastes like pumpkin pie. And I said, don't ask me your damn question like that. I never had no pumpkin pie. Pick it. Pick it. Oh. So good. Yeah, he does pumpkin pie every day.

He does pizza. He takes off the cheese and puts mashed potatoes on it What yeah, I feel like there's like therapy needed in this and then he has I and then he has He has like four or five landlines. No cell phone. I Why don't we just all step up as a society and call bullshit. He has a cell phone. He has a cell phone He can't trout so he just never travels. He never does anything. He has a cell phone. He can't travel. So he just never travels. He never does anything. He has a cell phone. Who is this? Can I see a picture? Mel Kuyper Jr. Got weird hair. NFL draft guru.

Okay. You've seen him, but you probably don't know who it is. Yeah, no chance. Yeah. The no cell phone. Probably looks like Dracula. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Bad looking guy. I mean, we had Todd McShay on looking it up in in April and we asked him he said he doesn't have a cell phone

That just means everyone else has to pay for the ubers But you can't yeah, he doesn't have Venmo. You can't be in his line of work and not text message. It's not possible There's a lot of celebs that like There's a lot of celebs that like brag about not having a cell phone. Celebs? Fine. They can live in their own world. This guy reports news for a living. Oh, yeah. Very true. I agree. That does sound... Can't be doing that on the landline. Five landlines. That's what McShay told us.

That's just wasteful. All cordless? What, does he have four secretaries? No, he's sitting... McShay told us that his wife picks up a lot and he's like, can you tell Mel to call me back? And she's like yeah, no problem, and then I'll call back on a different. So his wife is like his personal beeper. Yeah Yes

Yeah Sounds safer than having a real beeper these days. There it is. Oh ho. Lebanon. Ho. Are any of you guys old enough to have owned a beeper at one point in your life? No.

I had a beeper. You had a beeper. Girlfriend bought it for me. Didn't realize the ramifications of that when it happened, but she bought me a beeper and I would wear it on my little waist and she would, she would, you know a beeper and I would wear it on my little waist and she would, you know, beep it and I'd call her back.

Oh man, she fucking had you on. And we broke up and I no longer had a beeper. She took it back? Oh yeah. So it was a bad break up. No, I didn't really need the beeper without the girlfriend. Is this the girl that the dad said you'd never amount to anything?

Correct, yeah. Oh, he fucked her. You want to call my mom and get fired? Yeah, your mama threw her tits at him. Yeah, threw her tits out, yeah. Fuck yeah. Which I think that's, I don't know why that's a bad thing for him.

Yeah, he kind of won that interaction. Yeah. You got the door open for him and tits. Your mama showed him yeah That's a great day yeah here comes this guy I hate him I'm showing my tits yeah You're the craziest thing happened today. I got the someone open a door for me and show me their tits I missed a part here. Oh my mom throws her tits out a lot. Oh, dump smile.

I thought that was only for me. His old girlfriend's father said that Brandon would never amount to anything, and his mom is a grudge holder. And so his mom called the act the other day and was like, you never guess who I saw, David. Yeah. Did I get that right? Yeah.

She's like, I saw him at the courthouse, and I held the door open for him, and I threw my tits at him. That'll show him. Yeah. Yeah, it get that right. Yeah, I got saw him at the courthouse and I held the door open for him And I threw my tits at him. Yeah, that'll show him. Yeah Yeah, I never really she had barstool across her shirt and I wanted him to see Okay, my son did amount to something right? Yeah You ever hear of quick picks? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, by the way Don't touch me people were saying that you had the worst pick in the history of quick picks last night a Bad pick wasn't the worst quick pick in the history

It's a bad pick. I picked what was your pick? Patriots moneyline app state to beat South Alabama Lost 40 to 14. Yeah, it was bad You're gonna lose lose. That's what I say. That's what I say. That's what I say. That's what I say. That's what I say. Do you guys ever use the term Dido? Hmm. Never have. D Y T O. Dump your tits out. Oh, Dido baby. I will now. Yeah, you should. Dido. Most girls will.

They'll Dido. If you will. They'll daito. If you say it that way. If you say, dump your tits out, it's kind of rude. That's true. But if you just drop a casual daito. Yeah, if she knows the acronym for dumping her tits out, she's probably dumped them out before. Can you politely dump your tits out? Yes.

Put a P on there. Daito. You know, daito. I just sensed something. I don't know if I should on it. Dido. You know Dido. I just sent something I don't know if I should do it. Is it. No. Is it. I'm gonna give it a shot. What are you doing. Who you calling. Automated voice messaging system. Did you try calling the beeper. Now as you know is Mel Kuyper's number. Well that was definitely a cell phone. I don't think so. That was, yeah, it was Mel Kuyper's number. Well, that was definitely a cell phone. I don't think so.

That was a cell phone. Think so. Sounded cell phony to me. I felt like Landline, you had to record. Right, you got an actual machine. Please leave your message for. Boop. Yeah, it might have been.

Send a text, see if it goes through. Yeah, if it's green or blue. If it's blue, automatic cell phone. Lucas, give me your phone number. I don't know if Jerry did it to me. What? I'm getting all week I've been getting from South Florida painting business I get text messages saying Jerry we're ready for your consultation on your paint needs. Jerry Jerry's just Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. And it's just... I don't need a loop.

And I said unsubscribe, and they said, Jerry, we're sorry to hear that you want to unsubscribe. And I texted Jerry and said, did you do this to me? And he said, no, but I think, I don't know in the explanation why I have a South Florida painting organization in my texts constantly. That's Jerry.

It seems like something Jerry would do. Jerry did that. Well there's a whole paint thing going on. I did MOOC's stream last night and everyone was calling in saying to paint a room forest green or something and apparently it's from Jerry's stream. Wait what?

There's some whole paint conspiracy. What did Jerry do? I don't, I never got to the, we never got to the bottom of it. I'm just telling you there is a paint conspiracy. Lucas, what's going on? I don't know, yeah they called me last night. There's some there was one stream We did I forget which one it was I think it was the par with every golf club where? Someone sent in a super chat was like I really want Jerry to do a stream where he paints a wall for a screen

And then everyone started saying it, but like we looked it up There's nothing for it, and no one explained it So it's just the thing people are saying now with with no explanation tough challenge they're just like hey I really want Jerry to paint his room for screen and that's it yeah okay he's gonna do it though Chad always wins these battles yeah always yeah Jerry doesn't know it yet but he's gonna paint his room for screen the chats gonna win by getting Jerry's are the most boring stream Imaginary. Yeah

They will win Think they'll lose We are gonna do Lucas. How do you who do you think's gonna win? We're gonna do a world championship of Geo guesser Ooh between Che and and Jerry at one point on the yak. I want to hype it up I want KB to announce it like he, but they're two titans. Who do you think's gonna win? I got my money on Jerry.

He actually gets pretty good at the game. Like he knows what he's looking for and he's actually not that bad. Oh, Steven. Steven's been doing it. I don't know what I'm looking for. Yeah, but you do. Sometimes you just get it.

You still find it. Yeah, that's true, but I don't know. You know what I'm looking for. Yeah, but you do you sometimes you just don't find it. Yeah That's true, but I don't know You know what you're looking for cuz you look for the same thing every time you look for street signs You just look for irrelevant stuff and sometimes size House height fence height Oh streetlights Jerry's a lockman is Arizona. He didn't miss a single one that was in Arizona and he gets in like five seconds Yeah, it's easier state. Yeah, he'll see the ground and be like that's Arizona It's like the new version of being Columbus

Lock If we did like Geo July and had a company-wide bracket in Geo guessers Do you think KB would just wipe the floor of all of us? 100% easily. Nick would probably be good too. I assume you would be okay Donnie? You'd be pretty good. I enjoy playing that game. It's fun as hell.

Are you good at it? Not bad. Okay. I, yeah, you'd have to be in the list of favorites I would say. Having been- KB is next level though. Yeah. He's- And he has never left the country. He just- I would say having been KB is next level though. Yeah He's and he has never left the country. You just yeah, but he knows more about every country than anyone in this office He's like Elvis We got a couple Elvis We got a couple of Elvis's. Yeah, there's a lot.

We had a whole office full of Elvis's. All right, you want to spin the wheel, Lucas? Short thing, I do want to play this clip. I did say Jerry was good, but then he pulled this out during the stream. This is the White House bullshit. What are you going to say like that? Oh, I'm going to say this one.

MD, MD, MD. What is MD? MD, Maryland, MD Maryland Maryland Maryland MD right MD where's Maryland where's Maryland on Maryland yeah yeah no it says he guessed Maryland oh he did okay all right. Let's spin the wheel. Thank you. Thank you. Donnie. Thank you. Thank you. If I had broken the TV, I wouldn't need your TV back. What's the clean shaven? Yeah. Beard off. Yeah, I guess most of the yak does have facial hair It's pretty much for me Nick and Titus

We're the brand in that. Oh, yeah, Brandon. I've seen you with yeah, but I've been clean shaven many times in Kate Yeah If you look at the light, right, yeah, I don't think the only one I've never seen without We would love it, but it's like what I don't know Nick would Nick is gonna like he'd look weird Yeah, a round of bowl cuts would be crazy The whole show has to grow out there. What are you doing? Kind of came up. I just The whole show has to get Mark Davises Guts We look awesome. I mean we know what I look like. Yeah, true

Did you use an actual bowl? I don't I just would go and say cut it however you want it I just would go and say cut it however you want it. Fuck me up. Fuck me up. I would get that bowl. All right. Well, thank you guys. We'll see everyone Monday. Mal sec dating show next week.

Have a great weekend. Everyone. the Peace out y'all, TJ back next week. you