The Yak - The Year Of 10X Has BEGUN | The Yak 1-3-21

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

Did somebody say... 20X?!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Whoa! I'm just posting it. The Yak is live. Whoa. 22. Season five. Season five. Six.

Six. Everyone's here. Hey, guys. I wanted to start maybe with something to get us pumped up. We haven't seen each other in two weeks. TJ, can you hit the music? Oh. Oh, no.

Wow. What? Yep. This is going to be our year, boys. Are you ready? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. We want to make this a big event for you. This is going to work. Our goal is to change your lives. Yep. Come on, man. Come on, man. Yeah.

Let's go. I want to change some lives this weekend, okay? I want you to have an experience that you will never, ever forget. Get your phones up. It goes so deep inside of you. Every time you leave here. experience that you will never, ever forget. He phones up. Why is the crowd informal? Yeah. Is that Connecticut casual? Look at these sad sacks.

They're in black and white. You know what's sad? It's like in memory because they killed themselves in the queues. The problem that I've had in my life, okay, was not my marriage. She's wistful. Nope. Okay, I'm not a bad parent. Why would you say that?

Yeah. Wait, huh? No, he's not. Always. I am most happy when I'm helping someone else. She's got things going on. Which one did he tell? If I can help somebody, not give them something,

but if I can actually help somebody to feel better about themselves. Oh, pause it. That guy. Wait, look at that hat. Yeah. Oh, pause it. That guy. Wait. Look at that hat. That's Cody. Look at those hats. Dude, go back to that guy. We need those hats.

10X. He's like he's in a church right now. What's he writing? He's taking notes. He's saying 10X. All right, so remember, when I go back to my job that I hate, my wife that I hate. You start on the left side of the notebook. That's crazy.

10X. No, no. You start on the right side always. Woo! You should be up here. You should be dropping out of the ceiling. You should be helping more people. That's how Owen Hart died.

10X. If you're not 10Xing, I promise you will experience depression. Yep. Now he shaved his head. Are you committed? Yes. Will you

let me help you? Yes. Why is his pinky down? 10X, baby. It's 2022. How is his pinky down? Yes. Is that plenty balls? 10X, baby. It's 2022. How pumped are we? God damn. I'm ready.

We need to go to one of these conferences. That was nothing. That was nothing. You said nothing happened there. Yep. I'll give you my credit card. Put a couple of those in the bin. $15?

Yeah. We'll get a bunch of those. Damn, they're half off. 10X, baby. Well, I think we've got to buy 100. More than 10x. What category was that? Owning your life?

Was it like spiritual? I really liked how he got it. So you asking isn't very 10x of you? Yeah. It sounds like you're depressed. I did like when he was just like out of nowhere. It's like, I'm not a bad father. You can't bring that up.

I don't hate my marriage. Play that again. Why would you say that? Just out of the blue. I didn't commit tax fraud. What? I'm 10X. What can we get to 10X this year, though?

We need to put it, but we need to, you know, numerically, we need to get something to 10X. But it has to be realistic, though. Because 10X, how are you going to 10X an account? We can't. There's no platform that's going to let us 10X. We got to start with something small that's like sub 10 right now that we could get into like 60, from 6,000 to 60,000. What if we just did, everyone does one push-up today, and December 31st, 2022, we do 10. All right.

10X. 10X. 10X. Small step. I don't know if I want to do 10. That's fucking huge. I just feel inspired right now for a new year, new us. New shoes for Sass.

New shoes for Sass. New haircut for Sass. Wait, you wearing Stan Smiths? I am. Me too. I don't likeass. New shoes for Sass. New haircut for Sass. Wait, you weren't Stan Smiths? I am. Me too. I don't like how the camera makes my hair look, though. It makes it look a lot like you don't have any. Like I don't have any. Yeah. I do, though. Chase said it was a four.

He felt it. Chase felt my head. That's what it is right now. That's not what you got to cut out. He felt your head and was like, I don't like this. So talk us through this. So you were having so so last we heard of you, to catch everyone off. I haven't been here in a while. Yeah, this is like the, you know, when you go on Netflix season six, you're like, what'd you miss? Season five.

Last we heard from Sass, his boss publicly humiliated him. And then he got COVID. And it didn't break him mentally. He just decided to shave his head on his own. Just completely separate of all that. Pretty much. The hair, I mean, I've been wanting to shave my head for a while. Right. Since freshman year

of college. That was when I first wanted to, but I never went through with it. I think you look good. Is that 2019? I like it. Yeah. I think you look good. Many moons ago. You're going to keep it for six months. Oh, I'm going to keep it shaved. Oh, you're going to keep shaving? Oh, yeah.

Okay. Going to wait for the hairline to grow back. It's a good thing I didn't say you have a weird head. It looks bad in this lighting. I don't like it at all. Oh, no. What don't you like about it? I've got the North Face beanie on my desk.

I'm going to have to go grab it. Change your angle. Just look at the camera. Listen, bro, if that would 10x you, go get it right now. We're living our best lives. I'm feeling 5x right now. 5? And I need to get to a 10. It's because you're wearing black

socks with those shoes, I think. These are fly as hell. They are fly as hell. That's a fuppix. What's up, everyone? I missed you guys a lot. Maybe not Brandon. Shit happened with almost everyone, though. KB didn't have cancer.

Didn't have cancer for KB. So now our only close case cancer survivor on this show is still Sass. So unfortunate for you. He's got the look to match. Sass will be answering all of our cancer questions. You didn't jump out of a plane. I didn't jump out of a plane. That's awesome.

Maybe the greatest cancellation. I was sad and mad that the Arizona Bowl got canceled, but I thought a root canal getting canceled was thrilling. Not having to jump out of a plane was, oh, my God. The adrenaline of getting that email that it's canceled has to be stronger than jumping out of the plane. It was incredible. It was like next day for you, right?

You were going to do that on Wednesday. I found out on Sunday that it was like – Were you going to do a test jump? No. What? Well, he said Wednesday. No, Wednesday. It was going to have to be before the game

because I was never going to be able to jump into the stadium. Maybe next year. But, yeah, I found out Sunday that, like, Boise might have some COVID. And from that moment on, I was like, well, this would be nice. Except for the Arizona Bowl. You brought Doug's back for a day? Brought Doug's back. So you rooted for the death of the children,

so you didn't have to jump out of the plane. Yeah, that one guy. Man, he got really. I read that to my parents when he was like, I am sick to my stomach over what I've said. Wait. He released an apology. An apology, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I am sick to my stomach over what I just said. What a fucking guy. Dude, just own it. Be like, yeah, I don't care if a college kid gets COVID. It was a great twist on people from Barstool's side, though. Yes. Being like, oh, so you don't care that children have COVID?

Right, right. Absolutely not. Like, peak athletes having COVID is nothing. So you're on the dude's side. I'm on the side like, no, I mean, if he, I believe that he actually

was happy about that. I don't think it's like morally that corrupt to Well, it's hypocritical. To not, it's hypocritical. Because he takes COVID seriously until it hurts Barstool.

And then he's like, this is hilarious. Shit dork, dude. I would love to get in the gym with him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Fucking hug him out. Put your hip on his wrist or some shit.

Squeeze him. Debilitate him. Are you meeting with Altheon? Yeah, when's that happening? What's that? Athlean-X. Me and KB are supposed to do a private session. I'm very swayable.

What is it? When it comes to fitness. And there's other fitness guys who are debunking some of his tips. Now I don't know how to feel. Who is this? Altheon X. Jeff Cavalier of AthleanX.

So you wanted to get swayed by him, but somebody else is swaying you back from the original swagger. Is that his real name? Dude. I mean, look at his fucking body. Is his real name Jeff Cavalier? Is that a trainer name, like a porn star name? It's got to be a trainer name.

No, it's not a stage name. Well, maybe you should sign up for Chet Hanks' program. I already did. Nick600apop. I did. Listen. I'm writing about it. I don't even want to look like that.

Is Chet Hanks even in good shape? No. No, he did a before and after picture. Dude, I think he's on like something. He did one that was like the Alex Jones before and after. No, he's jacked now, but it's like out of nowhere. It looks like he lost 100 pounds from his face. Yeah, because he's reading the Tao Tse Sing, the passage of day.

Everyone's doing that. What is Tao Tse Sing? He's a Taoist now. Yeah. What is it? I don't know. What's a tenet of Taoism? People are just, I feel like.

Moderation? Yeah. We're becoming a godless of Taoism. Moderation and moderation. We're becoming a godless society. Just treat others well and just fuck God, right? That'll come back to haunt them. Fuck God!

Wait, that's what I should say. Fuck God, 10x. Those will sell. Dan, bro, we'll get back in the church for you, bro. Sorry about that. I feel like we could probably host a 10X seminar. It'd be great. Because I think it's like TED Talk, right?

You can sign up and post one. And contextually, what was that man, what was that guy talking about? Grant Cardone? He's talking about boosting your life 10X. Is he the president of 10X? What is he? Because we created 10X. We originally found out about it from the girl, right?

That little girl doing the 10X speech? Yes. His daughter. He's a good father. He does have a daughter. He's a good father. He uses his children as unpaid labor in his conferences. Was the wheelchair-bound lass?

Was that one of his kids? Yeah, that was kind of. No. I think that was his daughter. There was a Mia Khalifa-looking girl that he was with. I think that was his kid. was a Mia Khalifa looking girl that he was with. I think that was his kid. What? She looked like a...

She did not look like Mia Khalifa. There was a girl that looked just like Mia Khalifa. I'm going to need you to take it down to one X right now.

Are you talking about her shape or her ethnicity? The millionaire booklet is only $5. How does he have so many books? Because they don't say anything.

The Don't Be a Little Bitch Wrist Man is sold out. The rebuttal manual? Oh, we need those. $5? How does he have so many books? Because they don't say anything. The Don't Be a Little Bitch wrist man is sold out. The rebuttal manual? Oh, we need those. Who's got my money? Oh, you can go to Cardone University. Is this guy a bookie? Who's got my money? Che, enroll.

Enroll. Che, you have to go. Well, we need to talk about Stephen Che because he has lost the locker room, so to speak. He's in some deep doo-doo. A real deep doo-doo. Morally bankrupt, Stephen Shea? He said that he was, whatever Antonio Brown does from here on forward, I am personally responsible for, and then he just went radio silent.

I think the tweet that I saw that perfectly described it was, Dave retweeted it, that Stephen Shea was George Bush being like, I'll address 9-11 after I finish reading this book. That was what you were doing at the Jets-Bucks game yesterday. So I didn't see what happened live. Oh, you weren't watching? So I was at roughly a 30-yard line of one side of play. This happened on the other side of the field while the game was going on.

Were you on the field the whole game, or did you go up? No, no, no. Field pass before the game, so like 11-12. Did you say anything of the field while the game was going on. Were you on the field the whole game, or did you go up? No, no, no. Field pass before the game, so like 11 to 12. Okay. Did you say anything to Antonio Brown before the game? No. He was like close, but no, we didn't. Maybe that's why.

Could be. You didn't say hello to him? I'm not ruling it out. You can't. You cannot. Look at that. That's the picture before the game. Insane.

That's 5'10 Antonio Brown. Damn, bad look, Che. Wow. It's very clearly a Photoshop picture of me and Cam Bray, but it's actually very well done. That's not Photoshop. That's not Cam Bray. That's not Cam Bray. Yeah, that's not Photoshop.

There was a photo of myself with Cam Bray. That's someone pretty well. Let me see that one. Let me see that one. We'll see that one. Oh, that is a good one. That's a a photoshop no that's not a photo this one is this is the original that is the original i can't believe your glasses are foggy yeah you didn't think to wipe them before the picture i walked onto the field and you i was wearing a mask and

it was a very quick turn of events okay so this is the photoshopped. The one we're about to pull up is the real deal. The photoshopped one. I can see it. It doesn't look real. This one looks like the photoshopped one. That's so terrible. They had to scale it down. That's so photoshopped. How are his legs?

Also, Antonio Brown is not bigger than me. Why would his pants be like that? Clearly photoshopped. You and Cam Brady are the same size. Correct. Tight end in the NFL. Correct. There it is. I don't believe the Cam Braid one.

It looks like two different pictures. There's a video of me dapping Cam Braid up as soon as I walk onto the field. I don't think so. Either way, you just didn't address it. You look happier in the Antonio Brown picture. You still have a tag on that jacket. Oh, you deleted this tweet, too.

That's the tag to get onto the field. You deleted the tweet, so that makes sense. It was a brilliant Photoshop. I'm not going to lie. What does the caption mean? Are you talking about yourself, him, or? True. Good question.

What is Buck for life? What were you getting at? I never tweeted, so I don't know. Are you a Buck for life? Yes. Is Antonio Brown? No. He's off the team. Are you a Buck for life? Yes. Is Antonio Brown? No, he's off the team. No longer a Buck.

Steven, you also tweeted that you're going to wait for them to make a decision, and you tweeted that like five minutes after Bruce Arians said he's cut. No, I did not. That's absolutely not what I said. What did you say? If you bring up my timeline. Oh, you said you didn't want him on the team anymore, but it was after he was cut. I mean, it sounds pretty bang.

It was as soon as the game ended. It was a bang, bang. It was a bang, bang. They didn't cut him, and then you're like, I don't want him on my team anymore. You finally grew the balls to make a stand after he was cut. You don't know. I mean, you've been to plenty of games before no i've never been to any fan of the team i'm locked in on the game only like three guys really

knew what happened i was reaching out to see hey what the hell happened with ab someone was showing me the the video so i'm like okay this happened after he was cut before any news breaks look at scroll down look at this before any news breaks. Scroll down. Look at this. Before any news breaks, Antonio Brown just got cut. So. But they're saying that he was cut before his. They cut him on the field. That's crazy. They can just do that?

Yeah, why not? Essentially. Contract. Yeah, it was very. You don't know what happened. My first thought was literally. I think this happened like the World Series where a guy got taken out of the game because he tested positive for COVID. You thought it was coronavirus?

I did. That's why I took a shirt off. That would have been an awesome walk away. A trainer or something informed him that he had to leave immediately. Because he tested positive for COVID. So you think he would have left the field doing this, telling the crowd to get up if he had COVID? Get out!

I have COVID! I don't know. But, yeah, you're trying to gather information. You don't know the facts. So the people that know, like the coaches and players on the sideline, they don't have their phones. So the people I'm texting, everyone's trying to figure out what happened. It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing.

And then, yeah, the game's going on right now. My 14 points are going to be an ass-kick by the Jets, so I'm focused on that. And then I see this stuff happening on social media, and you're telling me to do an emergency press conference about something I know nothing about. Why weren't you on the Bucs' sideline? You can't be on the sideline during...

If you had been, would you have tried to stop him? Why weren't you behind the Bucs? Why weren't you sitting behind the Bucs? You were sitting on the far sideline behind the Jets, you're saying. I mean, I was actually on the Jets. I was in a suite opposite the Bucs sideline. He went off the other way, and the action was basically right in front of me. So I didn't know what happened.

They actually aired the Fox broadcast in the stadium minutes after, and the thing had gone viral. Were there any Buc in the suite or bucks people at all not in my suite i like that like there could be a murder going on and steven if the game is actually happening he would never know he was locked in yeah i mean what'd you expect i mean i don't know the facts to anything i could make it i could jump to a conclusion you don't know the facts to anything. I could jump to a conclusion for sure. You don't know the facts to anything? At that moment, no, I just knew it was third down. Hey, man. It's disgusting, Steven.

That's all I'm going to say. Shout out Mike Evans, too, because he tried to calm him down as you saw the video. Goes in the next play, third and six, seven-yard catch. We score on the drive. Shout out Mike Evans. Shout out Mike Evans. He didn't really do much to calm him down. No. I think he went over and was just like, I assume he was like, what the fuck

are you doing? I called Sass and I was like, don't shave your head. And he was like, already done. You said you didn't know the facts and then you just guessed something. I could have tweeted out in that moment like he's been released and fake break news.

That would have been nice. That would have been a good risk. It would have been a good risk. You would have won. It would have been probably a decent risk, but also – The world was waiting for your opinion, and you fumbled. I did. If you saw my stream at the end of the game, I did give my thoughts on it. What did you say?

I don't agree with it. Hard to tell what's going on but that sucks so he sounds like you were hedging to hopefully have him still on the team so you didn't really say you need receivers look at this video playing in the corner it's like the blair witch yeah i mean at the end of the day like it's about winning football games this It's like the Blair Witch. Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, like, it's about winning football games. This also happened 18 years ago when we won the Super Bowl.

We won the Super Bowl in 2002. Wait, when did this happen? What? Oh, you don't remember, right? Yeah, because all this is just going to be a fart in the wind in 18 years. When Keenan McCardell walked off. The next year, Keyshawn Johnson got deactivated and released, and nobody remembers that. And you won the Super Bowl?

Did he walk off the field? We won the Super Bowl the year before, which is what just happened. In the middle of the game, Steve? He had many sideline spats that were caught on tape with John Gruden. So you're not going to win another Super Bowl for another 20 years? That's what you're saying. It's a curse. Well, that sounds like...

Well, I'm just saying there is a stare decisis for this. Sounds like he just cursed the box. What the fuck did you just say? What did he say? Isn't precedent a legal term? What did you just say? It absolutely is. What did you say?

That's a good pause on the computer. A stare decisis? Yes. So you're resorting to big words to... Why? To confuse us? It's working. Yeah, it worked well.

It absolutely put a speed bump in this whole discussion. Stare decisis. Stare decisis. I find it hard to believe a Buck storyline will be a fart in the wind 15 years from now. Yeah. I'll remember this forever. This one will not be a fart in the wind. This is going to be a lasting story.

January 3rd, 2022, where were you? Witnessing history. It was actually January 2nd, so you've already forgotten. History might happen today. Fart in the wind. History happens every day, Brandon. That's what I'm saying. Don't correct him.

He might see history today. It could be a historic fart in the wind, too. It doesn't mean that all farts in the wind have no history. That's a good point. Speaking of farts in the wind have no history that's a good point speaking of farting those farts in the wind how about mississippi state oh yeah yeah that was i would say easily the worst bowl performance of any team michigan was pretty bad no mississippi state not as bad as boise state tell me about it brother good point good point Good point 10x bro 10x Stay up

It's great Remember that When you start giving people 10x scores Like around the horn Are we all gonna With 10x Are we gonna be boosting

Each other on you Yeah like By the end of every yak We all have like 10,000 points No 10x Maybe you don't wanna

Boost everybody Let's be toxic 10x 10x Plus they already They already do that On Whose Line Is It Anyway. You don't think that Grant Cardone is coming out with 20X at some point? You're crazy.

Is that even possible? Can a human do that yet? No. He's going to, like, it will be one year. They say the first human to reach 20X is alive right now. They say they're alive, but he's probably like a toddler. I just imagine Grant Cardone and his crack team of whoever the fuck is around him sitting down in a conference room and being like, Grant, the book sales have gone down.

We've plateaued. It's like, well, why don't we just 20X? I like to think it's way more scientific than that. They have a lab. Yeah. They're just like, we're just not ready yet. Just a guy on a treadmill? They have test tubes.

Yeah. You think they try to get him to do 12X first? Maybe 15X? He can do 12X, but it's not... You see these mice here? They're at 20x. I looked it up, and 10x is just a four-step process. Okay, give us the four steps.

It's not many steps. 2.5 every time. It's everybody lives... Here, just keep talking. Okay, everybody lives. Keep talking. That's a good start. Filler, filler. Filler, filler.

Do you think the current Bucs, like the Tampa Bay Bucs, do you think they're the most famous, just based on fame, team in history of professional sports? Whoa. No, no, no, no, no. What would it be then? Like a Lakers team or something like that from like the 80s. Like an 80s Lakers team.

Okay. Yeah, I was just wondering. Or like the Yankees. The like 50 Yankees. Because I'm going through them. I'm thinking of the names. Cowboys. Gronk Brady, Richard Sherman, Sue.

Antonio Brown. Antonio Brown. Like that's maybe the most famous NFL team. Right now. You can stop me if I'm way off. You might be right. No, you might be right. Eagles Dream Team.

Eagles Dream Team. Yeah, but that only lasted like a month, right? So you be right. Eagles dream team? Eagles dream team. That only lasted like a month, right? So you guys aren't going to win the Super Bowl again? Very possible. No. No. Most likely scenario is Eagles Bucks. Good. I hope the Eagles whoop that ass. I would love that.

What if every game one player starts walking off the field? Like a walkout, like a middle school. It's Brady next. What are you going to do when you lose Brady? We've got a veteran locker room. I'm very confident in it. Oh, yeah.

It's done you wonders so far. No Godwin, too. Godwin's out for the year. Mm-hmm. Yep. Thanks to the scumbag scenes. What about the part that you needed a fourth quarter comeback to beat the Jets? Yeah.

Good point, Brandon. Just football-wise. So we won, right? That doesn't concern you at all? It doesn't concern you that you guys got just... It does, but that has nothing to do with this. Steven's tone with everyone versus Steven's tone with Brandon. Yeah, I don't know why that is.

I mean, he's coming after me. I wasn't coming after you, but I'm saying... No, you were coming after him. So we won, right? Yeah. Okay. 60-minute ballgame. We led for 15 seconds.

Does that concern you was the question. No. Yes, it does. You're lying. You're fucking lying. He's not lying because his brain is not a normal human brain. Yes, that concerns you. Of course it does for me at the time.

It does not. Looking back on it, yeah. Our defensive backs were in Canada when the game started. What? What? Why? Two of our guys, the flight. Steven did give me a tip.

Am I allowed to say that? No, you can entertain. I just said it. I guess, yeah. I guess that's fine. But if it's a tip, like it was yesterday. He's not breaking anything, right? So, CDC changed the rules. So, the NFL changed the But if it's a tip, like it was yesterday. He's not breaking anything, right?

So, CDC changed the rules. So, the NFL changed the rules. If you test positive for COVID, instead of 10-day waiting period, there's five. So, in addition to Brucerians, two of our defensive backs tested positive earlier in the week, then got cleared Sunday morning. But one of the stipulations is you can't travel with the team. So, they were supposed to fly into Newark that morning, but then the pilot tested positive for covid that morning so they needed to get a new pilot for a charter flight whoa then there were some weather issues so they had to fly up to canada

and fly back and they landed at around 12 40 had a police escort to the stadium missed the entire first drive and um part of the offensive drive the time. But then they were on for the second defensive drive quickly. You should still be able to control against the Jets. Hank and I bet first quarter Jets. Oh, nice. So I was actually looking at my phone and I was going to call Big Cap because I remember the last time I got information like this. And coincidentally, as I was looking at my phone thinking about doing that,

you called me. Yeah, that's right. I don't know why. When was this? It's like 1240. Yeah. I called you at my phone thinking about doing that. You called me. Yeah, that's right. I don't know why. When was this? It's like 1240. Yeah. I called you at like 1240 yesterday. Wait, so you wouldn't have told me if I didn't call you?

I was going to. No, I was going to. All right, okay. I made that decision. I was going to. Why are you so loud right now? Yeah, he's the loudest guy. Sorry.

I'm excited. I got excited when I talked about it. It's not you. It just went up during that portion. You went 10x. I did. You're welcome. All right, so you're not going to win the Super Bowl.

Congrats on a good season. That will be the last we talk about the Bucs. Far from it. No chance. How's the weather in L.A. in February? I don't know. Why? Probably warm.

Yeah, warm. It's like 65, 70. I mean, we're going regardless. How was your vacation to Tucson? Oh, warm. It's like 65, 70. I mean, we're going regardless. It doesn't really matter. How was your vacation to Tucson? Oh, yeah. That was tough. Steven literally landed.

And so he did the tweet, which he had already obviously known about the cancellation. But on the Yak trivia team text, he just wrote, like, fuck. Because he had landed and, like, the bowl got canceled 10 minutes before that. Why'd you go so early? So I did go out with my wife and we were going to have a couple days there. Wife guy. Love it. So we went a day early and we're going to stay in Scottsdale and drive to Tucson. We had to make an unscheduled landing in El Paso to refuel.

Oh, I bet that was nice. And then I saw an email from Dave that said, hey, we might need to half the advertising. I'm hearing something we'll find out in a few hours. I was like, uh-oh. So we go back up in the air, come down an hour or so later, and then I see everything that says canceled. I would get the Wi-Fi. That's just me. Yeah.

I would have got the Wi-Fi right there. It's probably $6. I learned that when Kobe died. For an hour. $ me. Yeah. I would have got the Wi-Fi right there. It's probably six bucks. I learned that when Kobe died. For an hour. 20? Yeah. Put on the company, though.

Expensive. Look at you. Look at that smile. That's a very small cactus. It was the first cactus I could find, and it took me a really long time to find it. Cacti only grow at certain elevations. So you want to... Really? Yes. We got some Arizona stats coming our way. Surrounding Tucson, were there cacti only grow at certain elevations. So you want to... Really? Yes.

We got some Arizona stats coming our way. Surrounding Tucson with their cacti? Depending on the area. So if you go up a mountain, there will be a point where the cacti stop growing because it gets too high. But then they also won't grow too low either. Whoa. This doesn't seem right. No, it does.

Dude, when was the last time you were in Arizona? There's like a tree line. Have you ever been? I was looking forward to going and getting a picture with a cactus. Have you ever been? No. Exactly. Steven literally was there. I learned some very interesting cacti facts. Oh. We'll be the judge of that. So a cactus can only grow an arm,

one of those things that hooks up, after it turns 75 years old. Wow. This doesn't seem... Really? How long does a cacti live? The oldest one we saw, I think, was mid-300s. What? How many arms did it have? How do you know?

Yeah, I believe that. We asked a professional resident of Arizona. You think they were fucking with you at all? Professional resident. What does that even mean? One of those people. One of those people that their job is to live in Arizona. Oh, yeah. Are they made of

Are they made of watermelon? Is that true? Yes. They're just made of watermelon. It's fully watermelon just with spikes like a porcupine. A porcupine. That's actually true and some are seedless. I think it's jackfruit. That's genetically No, no, it's watermelon. Genetically modified

watermelon. Youetically modified watermelon. You can extract some juices from them, but typically not eaten. But you can eat them. Cactus and dolphins are the only organisms other than us that have sex for pleasure. Yeah, that's right. Cactus has sex for pleasure?

Yeah. And you didn't get that stat. That's one fact that you didn't get. Yeah, that's a good, that's a fun fact. I missed it The arms was fun Please no R-rated cactus content You went on a cactus tour?

I went on the Oh, the horse tour The horse tour We did that Did you guys go We actually haven't talked about this So Nick actually called me Gave me some good recommendations

I watched Rediscovering America And then we went on Imagine watching it as your actual travel Yeah actually called me, gave me some good recommendations. I watched Rediscovering America. And then we went on. Imagine watching it as your actual travel. Yeah. No, he just pretty much outlined all the places that they went. I told you where not to go. Yes.

Yeah. I don't want to say. And yeah, we went on horseback. And it went through Swirl National Park, which is what. Oh, wow. That's awesome. Look at this. Look at Steven. He's having the time of his life.

What a fucking happy guy. But why didn't you get a cowboy hat? It's beautiful. How big was your horse's dick? Yeah, you have a big hung horse? Let's get to the real talk here. No, he had a girl horse. Chris Kamen?

Does Chris Kamen have a huge dick? No, his horse did, though. Don't you remember? Have we not? We've done this picture. TJ pulled up Chris Kamen's. The Chris Kamen horse dick? I don't know the Chris Kamen picture.

What? He's got a picture with a horse. He's sitting on a horse. The horse has a huge cock, and it's taking a piss. It's got a picture with a horse. He's sitting on a horse. The horse has a huge cock and it's taking a piss. It's a great picture. Chris Kamen. K-A-M-A-N. But he probably does have a big dick himself.

Yeah, he definitely does. Sussing out Kamen. It'd be funny if he had a really small dick at 6'11". One of the ugliest NBA players. Chris Kamen? You're judging other people's looks? Not that ugly. Steven's a 10, though.

For a 6'11 guy. Steven, what did you rate yourself when we did that? Like an 8.7? No, I think lower. I think I was in the 7. I took also maybe the- There it is. Chris Kamen.

God damn. It's a great picture. And that's not even close to being a bit hard No That is just As soft as it could be He's actually He's actually ejaculating

The scream is so strong Yeah It's like a fire hose It looks like a dowel rod It literally is a hose That's a huge human dick I don't know if that's a huge horse I still think they should do horse

Jesus Christ How big is your dick Steve? Because you have always Do you have like a 16-inch dick? Steve doesn't know what a big dick is. He doesn't know what a big dick is. Make them this big? How many dicks do you think you've seen, Steven?

Including adult films? Jesus. Why would it be excluding films? Well, do both numbers. Just say both numbers. Are you double digit? Live dicks. Double digit live dicks?

Hard dicks or regular? Hard. Hard. Let's do hard. I think just one. Yours? Yeah. He had like childlike wonder.

He has no idea. He said you don't know what a small dick is, but you just know you don't have one. You were like asking us wholeheartedly. Yeah, it was earnestly. I didn't know what the definition of a small penis was. I don't think't have one. You were asking us wholeheartedly. Yeah, it was earnestly. I didn't know what the definition of a small penis was. I don't think it has one. Right, so that's very confusing. I think way too many people say they have small dicks and they don't.

I do have a small dick. We all know that's not true. We know that's not true. We've all seen it. But somebody in this room has the smallest dick out of all of us that's funny to think about true that's pretty funny to think we should go measure yeah we gotta somebody yeah somebody has if you want to get deeper someone has the smallest dick in this office in this building in this city yes the smallest dick in new york that sounds like a

show that would be the smallest dick in new york there's probably dick. What? Oh, yeah, that's right. He did. The smallest dick. Micropenises. Micropenises don't count. I want a non-medical. Yeah, your dick's normal, but it's just small. Oh, man. I don't think it works like that. Stern, what a genius.

Yeah. Found the smallest dick in New York. He's curious. Now all he does is suck off celebrities, right? Yeah. What a piece of shit. Who's that guy? Is he a new guy?

Blatman? Blatman, baby. Blatman texted me. He was like, hey, do you want to do a college football national title preview show? I just said, absolutely not. Tell him I'll do it. Why not? You can.

Why wouldn't we? We always do one. No, we've never done one. Yes, we have. We've never done one. Yes, we have. No, we haven't. I've been on it one. No, we've never done one. Yes, we have. We've never done one. Yes, we have. No, we haven't. I've been on it twice.

Boys. Boys. No, we do advisors for it. It's one game. What are you going to do? Just talk about one game? Look at that. There's no JV games.

Look at that gift from TJ. Oh, wow. So you must have won your bowl game after that. No, I got this gift after the Mississippi State game. Wrong. I threw it in the that. No, I got this gift after the Mississippi State game. Wrong. I threw it in the trash. Fuck, you're right. I got it last Monday.

Fuck. Still, it doesn't matter. This is the smartest college football mind in Barstool Sports, Brandon F. Walker. Does it suck up much, TJ? And then he put his Rutgers R right beside it. I think saying at Barstool Sports was unnecessarily low bar. Well, that's TJ. He probably had to pay for extra letters.

But you could have just said in the world and saved some money. Yeah. TJ, why didn't you say in the world? It could have been equally false. Maybe TJ doesn't believe me. I'm going to make you one that says smallest penis on the app. I know that you. Brandon has the world's greatest dad in this house mug at home.

Brandon takes more pride in being smart compared to other people here than other people outside of here. That is true. True, he does. That is on display very soon. Yes. Yes. Was that just a spoiler? Do smart people take pride in being smart?

Super smart people don't. No, because they're just smart. I think slightly above average people do take pride in being smart. I think it's a sliding scale. So really smart people don't. Really dumb people don't know how dumb they are. And then above average smart people take pride in being above average because they're not that actually smart.

And then there's people who are dumber than average who think they're smart. And they take a lot of pride in it because they don't know anything. What were your hand gestures? I was doing a spectrum. I was just doing the sliding scale. People who are below average intelligence try to tell everyone how smart

it's kind of like the 10x guy being like, I'm not a bad father. If you keep saying how smart you are I didn't give that to myself. Some people confuse themselves because they know a lot about one thing and they convince themselves that they're a

genius across all aspects. Yes. But it's just really about one sport. And they're not even that smart at that. That's not intelligence. That's rote memorization.

That really is. Seems like this is. And that one person might. And that's. There's two teams. Let's say there's two teams in a title game. That one person didn't

even have one of those teams making it to the playoff. So how smart could they be? The playoff is very exclusive. How smart could they be? Sometimes they forget to drink water. Yep. It's true. Yeah.

Breathe. Yeah, but you know about college football, but you forgot to do something that every human needs to do to survive. Seems hyper-specific. Pick Alabama in the college football playoffs. I was an inch away from being right that is how alzheimer's works though if tank basically falls down i'm right you just forget how to breathe yeah that's not how alzheimer's works at all

it is forgetting how to breathe would be horrifying i think i'm going to get what happened really that's the disease i think i'm going to get that's what you're going to get yeah tell me your family have it oh yeah oh multiple but i i think i'm going to get Alzheimer's. It's really what happened. Really? That's the disease I think I'm going to get. That's what you're going to get? Yeah. Does any of your family have it? Oh, yeah. Oh. Multiple. But I think I'm pretty sure I'm going to get it by the time I'm like 50. I'm dying.

It's not bad for the person who gets it. It would make the yak very interesting. Yeah. That would be awesome. If you just forgot every like two seconds where you were. Is it a dad thing to tell stories like over and over again? And if so, do the dads who do that know that they've told a story before or are they forgetting and think it's a new yarn every time?

No, I think they like their go-to stories. I think it's play the hits. Play the hits. Yeah, you go see a band, you want to hear them play the hits. Are you supposed to act like you've never heard that one before? No, I think you may be giving them a little bit of that, but ultimately you just enjoy the story because it's a good story. Or you sit back and see how it changes.

I wish I was a good storyteller. Yeah, I just got Masterclass as a Christmas gift, and one of the Masterclasses I downloaded was storytelling. Wait, what is Masterclass? It's basically a TED Talk that you personalize for yourself. But it's from the best of the best. Sounds like it's a ripoff of Grant Cardone. Who's doing the storytelling class? Neil Gaiman.

Oh, whoa. Oh, one of the greatest storytellers of all time. One of the American gods. You can pick what you want to get better at? Oh, what is that one? How to Get Away with Pedophilia? The whole family's in there. How to Get Your Name Erased from a Flight Log by Bill Clinton.

Wow, Hillary has one too. Yeah. Power of Resilience. How to Convince Yourself that flight log by Bill Clinton. Wow, Hillary has one too. Yeah. Power of resilience. How to convince yourself that you won an election you didn't. These are fun. I saw, yeah, J.J. Reddick has one about training. Jordan Ramsey's got one. Yeah, let's go sports and gaming.

Steph Curry. Steph Curry's got one. What's Serena teach? Gary Kasparov. He teaches tennis. She just teaches tennis. Yep. Verbally.

Phil Ivey. Tony Hawk. Teaches skateboard. But like you're sitting. Who teaches me who Misty Cofuck is? Who the fuck is Will Wright? Teaches game design? Game design. Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, that's a hell of a board. Oh, actually designing games. This guy is. What has he made? Sims. Oh. Whoa. So he just made real life.

That's not. You know the guy who works. That's like the least game game. He just made real life. That's not. You know the guy who works. That's like the least game game. He thinks he's God. You know the guy who designed Grand Theft Auto works for Penn? No. Really? Met him.

What? Are you sure? Did he just tell you that? The cover of the game, like the logo. No, he like codes the software. No, no. I just want to wave. Top tier. He treated me like some kind of schmuck, no, I just want to wave. Top tier.

He treated me like some kind of schmuck this weekend. I just like balls. He treated me like a fucking schmuck. Balls and full pants in a coat is a sight to see. Yeah, what is this? He looks totally different. Freshly shaven. Frank the Tank shaved, too.

You met the guy, Owen? Frank had a great beard going. Yeah, he was telling us that. Really? Now, that's something I feel like you can't fact check. Can you? No.

He was lying to you, maybe. Maybe. What did he design? Like the graphics for the original Grand Theft Auto. Oh, the original?

That was top down. What does that mean? Might as well be playing Pokemon. Oh, yeah, the original wasn't good. Did they have breasts in the original?

No. I think they always had tits. No, the original was just car? No. I think they always had tits. No, the original was just car stealing game. I guess they would still be titties. You can only see the nipples. They'd have to be really big titties. Hell yeah.

But in the most recent one, the nudity is beautiful. It's fantastic. They also just have full casinos. You could just gamble. Yeah. On that note, thank you very much for the Oculus. The kids love it. Oh, yeah. Of course. I really wish

I could see a video of them fighting. Tommy has... Oh, Tommy... Did he break it? Did he break it? No. Tommy doesn't break it. They got in a fight the other day. Tommy punched the nine-year-old. Wait, with the Oculus on? No, it was over the

Oculus. They were fighting, and I just heard noise, and then I heard... Was it a good punch? It was a punch in the face. Did he widen his stance? Did he get his hips into it? I just hear... That's actually kind of a cool extended virtual reality. Listen, we're all family here, right?

I just hear, ow, you motherfucker! And my nine-year-old said that to Tommy, and he's never cussed before, and I ran upstairs, and Tommy had punched him right in the eye over the Oculus. Tommy's downloaded a game called... Your youngest had the Oculus on the face? No, he took it off. Oh, okay. Got it.

He got punched with the Oculus on. But he downloaded a game about sorcery and blades and stuff where he's killing people with swords. Oh, that sounds fun. That's like the most Oculus game. Wait, sorcery and blades? Blade and sorcery. I think Tommy's going to kill me is what I'm trying to tell you.

Does Tommy know spells? Not yet, sorcery and blades? Blade and sorcery. I think Tommy's going to kill me is what I'm trying to tell you. Does Tommy know spells? Not yet, no. Just blades. Yeah. Did any of you watch Harry Potter over your break? What is this game? You watch the reunion? How'd you do it, Golf?

I'm getting better. Pretty good. I'm getting a lot better. Golf's fun. Golf feels like you're playing golf. Yeah. Yeah, I was excited. You could just lie and say that you hit it. Well, no. Par. Yeah, I was excited.

You could just lie and say that you hit it. Well, no. Par. I parred. Yeah, that's a lie. No, I parred. No one can see it. Tying that strap on the top of your head. Yeah, I didn't know how to do that.

The thing was hanging loose. Yeah. Nice hardwoods, though. What are those? Nice hardwoods. Teak? No, it's pine. I bet you they found those under the carpet.

What a pleasant surprise. That would be cool. Whoa, you little skittish there. Is that the nine-year-old? No, it's the six-year-old. Damn. Skittish Brandon Wall. You know what's going to happen now?

The nine-year-old's going to punch the six-year-old. Yeah, it's going to work its way down. It's a vicious cycle. No, the nine-year-old has got a good head on his shoulders. He's not like Tommy. Tommy's right. Tommy has a good head on his shoulders, and you're not about to slag him off the mission.

I'm just saying, Tommy's... He's our guy. Tommy gets out there, man. Tommy gets out there. Good. Well, y'all can have him if you want him. Let's enlist him. Sure. Let's get that boy enlisted. To the army? So what was like, did Tommy get punished for the punch? Oh yeah. You broke the Oculus? No, I didn't break the Oculus.

You made him watch Mississippi State? Yeah, what was the punishment? I just, I made him get off the Oculus on his, and he had to go to his room for two hours. But isn't that the punishment for everything? That makes the punch worth it. Shouldn't the punch be worse? Not two hours. Two hours is a long time in your room with no electronics. Yeah, but he got his toys.

Just his imagination. You have Legos? You don't want to keep him with his imagination. Two hours is hardly any time when you've got Legos in front of you. No, and I heard noise in his room, and I opened the door to see what it was, and he had one of his plastic swords, and he was pregnant. Oh, yeah, he was training. And I said, what are you doing?

He said, I'm training. That's exactly what he said. Oh, no. You really got to befriend him, and you got to create a common enemy. You have to make someone that you and him both hate. Otherwise, it's going to be you. Stephen Chay. His mom, maybe?

Yeah, a group of people. Yeah, maybe a group of people. Something that ties them all together. But what? You and Tommy should fight when he turns 18. He will. They will. Yeah.

Fight for the deed of the house. In rough and rowdy. Oh, my God. That'll be your sign-off from Barstool. Tommy just whipping my ass. Yeah. If LeBron's going to do it with Bronny, you might as well do it. Because when he's 18, I'll be 50.

Perfect. Same with LeBron. Yeah, but you'll have that old man's strength. You'll have old man's strength. By then, maybe. You all getting in shape, 2022? I'm trying. I'm in pretty good shape I've been walking

I saw KB Last week walk by And he only had a t-shirt on And the motherfucker Looked incredible Yeah of course Not even post pump Well I wouldn't know

I wouldn't know That was post cardio Which is Slimming Yeah but you were glowing I mean you were You looked like You looked like

Mr. Olympia Walking through here We Ronan and I wouldn't know And Sass Wouldn't know We wouldn't know. And Sass. Wouldn't know? We wouldn't know.

We've never seen your torso. I'm very worried that I'm going to start steroids. You can control that. It doesn't sneak up on you. You can just knock a tear in the road. It's just like, no. I can feel that I am going. Swerving out of the way of steroids. What would be the thing?

I'm rationalizing it more and more every day. You don't need steroids, though. You have good genetics. Yeah, but that's the thing. I don't want to live with the wonder, what if I did see this? Yeah, but he's ripped. Did you see Bezo? It'll always be, oh, what happened if I did do them?

Like, what could have been? Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we don't take. Are you trying to go pro? Who said that? What? Are you trying to go pro? No, I just want to see what I can fucking do because 95% of the fitness industry, they're lying to you. They are.

John Cavalier. Athlete access on steroids. Actually, they all are. They should do steroids. It'll make you funnier. I would love to do steroids. I would too. I think you would be too angry.

I think we'd all get real angry. I don't think that's myth. No, it's not. You're all right with it. Kratom made you angry. Kratom made you. That is part of it. Yeah, no.

Kratom made you very angry. The lack of Kratom made me angry. No, but when you were doing Kratom, you were angry and your hair felt like it was like hay. And it was like breaking. It wasn't falling out. It was snapping like breaking. It wasn't falling out. It was snapping in half. It was coming out too. You could just do

one short cycle. Yeah. See what happens. A couple weeks. Trend. It would be trend. Your nipples are going to get real puffy.

Real puffy. It worked for Kumail though. It worked for Najiani. Look what he could do his chin. Yeah, Najiani's whole face got different. He looked like the mask. I could use some steroids. You should just...

I mean, actors, a lot of them, they're on steroids. Most of them. Yeah, if you're getting paid for your physique, then you're probably on steroids. And why would you not be? So that's what we need to do. We need to get paid for our physique. Gotta find a way.

You just got to do the right ones. You don't want to do the not safe ones. Can the yak get sponsored by like a steroid? Billy's got me on a pill regimen. I just came in this morning and there was a cup on my desk that said Big Cat on it and there were seven different pills in there. Did you ask what they were? Nope.

You're just going to take them? Just going to take them. What about like an anti-inflammatory? What if we just started off with anti-inflammatories? What do you want to be? Do you want to be jacked? What's your goal weight? Taller?

Baller? We'll see. Can you afford to lose the dick size? No. How much dick can you afford to lose? Would you give up a half an inch hard? For 15 pounds of muscle? I legitimately could not. I think you only give up balls. an inch hard for 15 pounds of muscle? I legitimately could not.

I think you only give up balls. Yeah, it's balls. Cam and Eddie only gave up balls. I could afford to lose some balls. It's only balls. Off the rip, I could lose balls, yeah. If you lose balls, the shafts would look big. It would be an upgrade for your dick.

That's true. You should just get your balls shaved down regardless, like a Brazilian ball shrinking, just to get your backdrop a little bit now. Do you usually lose ball size or functionality, too? What do you lose from the balls? What do you care? I'm just asking.

Ball functionality? Yeah. What functionality are you looking for? You thinking about having another one? Come? You want to get Pete in here? You want to get a starting five? You want to have another one?

I might make another one. Do it. Do it, do it, do it, do it. How many bedrooms do you have now? Raise that one. You don't want me to have a kid in here? You want to get a starting five? You want to have another one? I might make another one. Do it. Do it, do it, do it, do it. How many bedrooms do you have now? Raise that one. Y'all want me to have a kid in 22? Yes. Before this year is up, I want you to be squeezing a child.

Y'all want a yak kid in 22? Yes. And we'll name it yak. Y'all want naming rights? Can we call it yak? Yes. Whatever. It's my fifth one.

I'm going to shoot. What if it looks like his name's Jack, but it's like a Spanish Patsy? Yeah, like y'all, y'all, y'all. Or Jacques. Jacques is good fifth one. I'm going to shoot. What if it looks like his name is Jack, but it's like a Spanish P.T. Yeah, like yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Jacques. Jacques is good too. Brandon. All right, so I got about three months. If I want to make sure it's a 22.

Get on it now. Get on it now. Yeah, raise that kid to defend you against Tommy. Well, y'all are going to help me raise the kid. Y'all are going to raise the kid. Yeah. No, we want Tommy. If it's twins, we get the second.

Deal. We should get a deal. me raise the kid. Y'all are going to raise the kid. Yeah. No, we want Tommy. If it's twins, we get the second. Deal. We should get a deal. I want the first. Fair. Okay. We should get Tommy on steroids. Wait, the first of the two? Yeah, the first one to come out.

Yeah. Y'all want to get Tommy on steroids? Yeah, I want to see his full potential. Get Tommy on steroids. That's fine. As a master of the blade. Because don't your kids just get better as you go? Like, isn't that how it works?

Especially the more wealthy and relaxed that you are, the better your sperm is. No, I wouldn't rank my kids in that order. Oh, really? Well, the way you've been talking trash on Tommy, it seems like he's really a doghouse. I go oldest number one, third number two,

Tommy three, and then the six-year-old. He's like a six-year-old. Wait, so number one's girl Tommy? Yeah. Number two is Tommy two. Tommy two. Number three is Tommy, and number four is Tommy three.

Got it. Get a fifth in there, then. You openly rank one of your child's last? No. The six-year-old. I don't know him. It's the six-year-old. Yeah, you don't know him that well.

You know him the least. I'm going to clip this tape. I'm going to clip this episode and put it in a little tape and save it for when he turns an age where he can comprehend it. Like now. Probably now. Right now. Not at six. No.

All my kids are at six. It won't do nearly enough damage at six. You told a six-year-old your dad doesn't like you the least. Your dad doesn't like you the least? The least. You're the newest, and you're still liked the least. Look at Coach Prime, though. Look at Deion, his youngest son starting at quarterback. Yeah.

Facts. And he had kids before that. They've just been getting better and better and better. How long has Deion been having kids? What's Deion? A minute. 50? 50.

He's older than that, right? 54 maybe? How many kids does he have? I don't know. How many Tommy's does he have? At least four. This girl I graduated high school with had three kids. I know what you're going to say.

And put the middle one up for adoption. The middle one? Yes. She didn't fuck with it or what? What did you think? Fives were off? What do you think? That story too.

I don't know, but she did it. Okay, yeah. Now the kid's gone. Imagine if that was in? I don't know, but she did it. Okay, yeah. Now the kid's gone. Imagine if that was in the book. Wait, wait. Say her first name. I'm not saying her first name.

Say her initials. I don't want to say her first name. Say her first, the beginning letter of her first name if it's who I think it is. It's a consonant, early in the alphabet. See?

No, like smack dab in the middle of the alphabet. M. I'm not saying. It's M. M is the 13th letter. He wouldn't say early. It's probably like J.

It's probably J. Okay, no, no. J's M. M is the 13th letter. He wouldn't say early. It's probably like J. It's probably J. Okay. No, no. J is 10. I mean, I'll find out. Rowan, can you just name what number the alphabet are? I don't know. That's 16. 18. You just threw a number out and I believed it.

We went to school with someone whose great-grandfather invented the capital curse of Q. Yes. Well, that's the worst letter. I know. I know. He works at Penn now.

He's the cockiest motherfucker. He was 17. He didn't even, I guess they redid it. Just the Q. Yeah. New letter drop? He would tell you that before he introduced himself. I would not tell anybody I invented the capital letter Q.

Do you think that's sweeter or less sweet than designing Grand Theft Auto? A letter? A letter's pretty big. A letter's forever. But Grand Theft Auto's like one of the best games ever. Right, but a letter. It's a letter. Is a letter forever, though?

It's only 26. No, I think script is dying. And I think that letters change. Like, old English letters don't look the same. Like a Shakespearean letter. Didn't they have like serifs? Yeah, well, this guy didn't invent the first capital cursive Q. I think he just restylized it, and it stopped.

Oh, he modernized it? Like when a team tries to sell New Jersey? Yeah, he brought in the future. Can anybody here write the capital letter Q in cursive? Yes. It's like a two, right? It's a two. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't. Yeah. Rowan, I'm looking at you. You feel like you said. There's a pen and a pad. I brought it just for. Why didn't you grab the paper? You got paper.

You got paper. No, that's not it. It's very bright. Yeah, that's it. It's like a pig's butt. That is not it. It doesn't look like a pig's butt. When you want to write in cursive, you just put little squigglies on everything.

Like, watch. How do you do it? Make it a little French. You just put little squigglies on everything. Like, watch. Yeah. How do you do it? Make it a little French. You just make a little French to it. Okay. It's not just a two. What does a two look like? Oh, that's pretty cool.

That's the at. That's on the at symbol. Yeah, I know. That's cursive. Is that our new logo? I think that's it. Can you cut that out? Save that logo just to make sure that we can now put it up.

Should we get a new font this year? Yeah. Season five. We just got it. It's about time to refresh. Season six. We just made it from scraps. The bar.

Oh, yeah. That's our logo. I forgot about that. We've got to update Sass, though. We've still got to do some big dog shirts. Sass has too much hair. Yeah. KB does spray paint his beard on, though. We still gotta do some big dog shirts. Sass has too much hair. KB does spray paint his beard on though.

Ain't no way. Caught me off guard. I was like defending somebody else. Nah, you got a Victor Crumb goatee right now. Shut the hell up. Did you watch the... The way that Harry Potter can just throw fucking spells at grown-ups. Did you see it? There's a new development. So they were making fun of J.K. Rowling for being racist.

I bet she was anti-trans. That too. In the re-enactment? No, no, no. In anti-Semitic? No, but just online. The only Asian character is named Cho Chang. Yeah.

And that's two Chinese last names, which is Korean in the books. The only Scottish person was named like... The Irish was Seamus Finnegan. Seamus Finnegan. And then the only black kid in Harry Potter, his last name's Shacklebolt. Kingsley Shacklebolt. Kingsley Shacklebolt.

Kingsley Shacklebolt. Did you watch The Reunion? And then she made up a Jewish character, Tony Goldstein. She gave him a little Italian cut. The Indian characters were like Parvati Patel and like, yeah.

She was stereotypical. But how is that like demeaning? Right. Those are all like culturally part of it.

No, Cho Chang is just Chinese last name, two last names as that's what people are giving her for.

And then Shacklebolt's probably not. I've never met a Shacklebolt. The funny thing about the names is that like

she didn't even put black ones. Those were just off the top of her head. Half a second ago. She didn't research Korean names. When you have to think of a whole complex plot, you don't really care about details like that. You just keep it moving. It wasn't her whole thing that she was broke, uneducated,

and wrote it in a coffee shop? Yeah. Or maybe we're expecting too much of her. I think we are. Is she written new ones since she got famous? New Harry Potters? I thought they did a play. She wrote a play, right? I don't think she wrote that. I don't know.

After she wrote the first one, did she gain fame? How many Harry Potters are there? Eight. Did she release one, gain fame? I don't know. I think it was nine. Four came out at the same time. So was she famous when she wrote seven, and then release the other six? All four came out at the same time. So was she famous when she wrote seven? No, no, no.

They didn't come out at the same time. But then it got big when all four were out, right? Yeah, I think they came out one at a time. I missed Harry Potter. But I think that they did add another story. I've never seen a Harry Potter movie. They added a story in the beginning, and then there's little side stories that they added on. But are they making new ones?

Why is it- They're making new ones, yeah. Fantastic Beasts and shit. But that's like a spinoff, like on but are they making new ones why they're making new ones yeah fantastic beasts and shit but that's like a spin-off like a tom clancy splinter cell type of situation that's much she's still making new harry potters no so i watched part of the reunion that came out the other day who what do you mean a reunion they did a 20 year harry potter reunion and she's not in it they They just used clips of her from 2019 in it. Because she's been canceled. Yeah.

She's probably so pissed off with her billions of dollars. Well, that's bullshit. She wrote it. Doesn't she live in a legitimate castle? She might. I think she does. She has actual magic now. She's so fucking rich. At a certain point, you do.

Oh, how about that Bezos picture? Yeah, he's jacked. That's why I asked. He's on steroids. He's on steroids. He's trying so hard. He's so much on steroids. Why wouldn't you? Andzos picture? Yeah, he's jacked. That's why I asked KB if he's trying to do it. He's so hard. He's so much on steroids.

Why wouldn't you? And look at him. He's happy as hell. He's, yeah. He's all about that ass. You think he is, though? He's actually kind of living your life. Because if that ass is fat, Bezos is going to have it.

Look at that shirt. You have to be a great body twister. He is putting her pussy on his leg. You don't eat dinner if you have that shirt on. That's a fact. You just don't. You can't eat dinner in that shirt.

That thing is tight. You put it on and you're like, all right, well, vodka soda's for me all night. But his shoulders are so big that it kind of provides a little tint

to the lower half of it. Like, he has extra room because his shoulders are so steroided out. What pose is she doing? Pussy on the leg. She's putting pussy on the cat. Halo teabag someone. It's like on New Year's Eve

when we all got in suits for that stream and then we ate a bunch of Chinese food. There's no worse feeling than eating. Yeah. Being in a suit. Elastic suits. He looks happy. He deserves it. His sunglasses are hard. He does deserve it. Guy's had a lot of, he's had a hard life.

He's the goat. You think he fucked hard life. He's the GOAT. You think he fucked both of them? Wow. Bootlicker. Me? Yeah. I don't think he could be like, I want to fuck this. He can't just fuck whoever he wants.

What do you mean? No, because I think a lot of people hate him. Like, he couldn't fuck Elizabeth Hurley. Well, if you're naming specific people, yeah. Jeff Bezos could fuck Elizabeth Hurley. No, he couldn't. No, he couldn't. Jeff Bezos could fuck Elizabeth Hurley. Well, if you're naming specific people... Jeff Bezos could fuck Elizabeth Hurley. No, he couldn't. No, he couldn't. Jeff Bezos could fuck Elizabeth Hurley.

Absolutely, he could. No, I was about to say Jeff Bezos can't fuck me, but he definitely could. No, no, because... Absolutely. Absolutely. No, the right fuck Elizabeth Hurley.

Absolutely. Jeff Bezos showing up to a club in Miami wouldn't be like... It would be scary. I don't think it would be cool. I wouldn't be like, oh, shit.

Yeah, it would be cool. I'm talking Pete Hurley here. Because nobody with those thoughts online would think that. I don't think it would be cool. I wouldn't be like, oh, shit. Yeah, it would be cool. I'm talking Pete Curley here. Because nobody with those thoughts online would think that. I saw him at brunch in Miami. It was incredible. You did. He's the richest dude in the world. Yeah, but you wouldn't go up and talk to Jeff Bezos.

Yeah, I would. I'd be like, Jeff, what up, bro? Of course I could fuck him. Sweaty. Jeff, is that with a G or a J? He could change your life for the rest of your life. Let's all wear that exact Jeff Bezos fit for the hack on Friday. I can't fit.

How do we get that? That shirt is probably $8,000. There's no doubt in my mind that shirt's so expensive. What do you think the cheapest shit Bezos wears is? Underwear? He's probably got a hoodie that's $1,000. Those sunglasses look like they were novelty. No.

They bought that at Panama City Beach. Do you think he knows who Asher Roth is? Yeah. No. Not a chance. That's one of the only people he follows. He follows Brandon. Who's that?

Is that his mom? Gotta be. Yeah. She looks... She looks good. I think she looks good for... Do you think his mom is like, so you've been fucking?

Yeah, she has to now. Doesn't he have a brother too? Yeah. That's gotta be... Imagine your son that started a bookstore is the one that gets the pussy. Didn't he leak his own dick pics? What?

You can see his dick? Or he leaked his own nudes or something? That was like... Instagram pictures are weird. It was something with the National Enquirer. Twin candles there. Wow. What do you think about that?

Looks like someone forgot. KB, what do you think about that? That's what happened to the actual towers, Brandon. It wasn't top down, though. No. Wait, what is that first comment on the 9-11 post? Please see me now. I've been texting for two years.

Please reply for God's sake. Probably hit that person up. We shouldn't make a fake Jeff Bezos account reply to him. DJ. keep scrolling it's just people asking for money probably fire no that's not what you put on that well it's post yeah you don't post that not millie tilly posting fire oh this is gonna blow up no tj no tj hello jeff i'm a leader of the youth here in the Philippines. Yeah, everyone else is for money. And he could easily change their lives incredibly for the better. I guess we could, too.

He doesn't have any real commenters. He's got no real friends. Let's be his friend. Let's make that our resolution. Hello, friend. He doesn't even have rich people posting on his shit like drake has like fucking rich people like other ab yeah you see ab's pictures yesterday all the top comments were just like random instagram influencers being like bro you're the goat they don't understand you they don't get us i don't get it bro they don't get breeze like a driver on pmt it bro. They don't get Breeze like us. He had his driver on PMT. It was fucking... I know. I listened to it.

Wait, what was the... Danny Boy Hustle Hard. He can get anywhere in the city in like 25 minutes. And was he already locked in with AB beforehand? Yeah. Yeah? He's locked in with a lot of NFL players, isn't he? With everyone, yeah. He doesn't stop at red lights. No. You don't have to. I really don't think you

have to in New York. No, that's really a suggestion. I think there's light. There's like cameras. Oh, yeah. I've gotten a lot of to. I really don't think you have to in New York. I think it's really a suggestion. I think there's light. There's like cameras. Oh, yeah. I've gotten a lot of tickets. I was driving. I drove up from Massachusetts yesterday to move. Let's fucking go, bro.

You drove? Yeah, and I was driving in the city. And I kept on getting like the GPS would be like red light camera. Wait, did you guys officially move? Yeah, we moved. How's the place? Oh, it did all the work. My room is freezing, though.

There it is. Really? I woke up like shaking. I was so cold. It's called shiver. Mine's great. Oh, that's going to start a fire. Yeah, it does it, though?

Yeah. What if I get a good one? No, you'll forget to turn it off. Space heater? Electric blanket? I have it too close to the blanket. Get an electric blanket. Electric blanket, yeah. Or Or a weighted blanket too on top of the electric blanket. Why don't you just turn on the heat? Is it because of the windows?

I don't know. I think there's a draft from the windows for sure. Just seal it. Get some of that pink shit. Brandon, you got extra cock? I don't have any cock. Also, we're having a little bit of a drain situation. Oh, no. Oh, no.

No. I was showering. I was showering with water up to my knees this morning. No. That's a deep-ass tub. And no one has hair to clog it. I pissed in that as well.

No. And you stepped in it? I pissed in it too. Why? Why are you doing that? So your penis didn't go down. What do you mean you pissed in it?

You guys shared, you guys stood in the same water? It doesn't drain. It doesn't drain. It's probably still not draining. So you have like a perma-tub? I don't know what he did. It's filled up with water.

Did you get in with water in there? No, they used drain out. It didn't help. The toilet's right there. Well, they pissed in the shower. That's a normal thing. That's completely normal. So wait, did you know?

Yeah, but not if I'm standing in water. You saw that it was clogging and filling up and you still pissed in it? No, they pissed first. No, he said he pissed in the water. That's a normal thing. That's completely normal. So wait, so did you know? Yeah, but not if you're standing in water. You saw that it was clogging and filling up, and you're still pissed in it? No, they pissed first. No, he said he pissed in the water. Don't worry about what I did. Oh, you pissed in the water. No. Yes.

He was marinating his feet in piss. That's healthy. It is. That's why he's wearing the black socks. If he had white ones, they'd be yellow right now. Tell me, uh-huh. With piss. I'm kidding, bro.

I would never do such a thing. Did Owen really do most of the work for the move? I mean, I moved all my shit. Did you, Owen? No. Did you clean the old house? No. Yeah.

I don't know. Where'd Ebo go? He was pretty equal. Ebo is living right near KB now. By himself? No, he has a roommate. Who's that? So you guys didn't like him or he didn't like you?

He didn't like us. Both. Both. His buddy from high school moved up or something. So he didn't like you. Something stupid like that. And then Dug's is a spacious place though. Our living area is much bigger than the last place. What?

Oh yeah. We saw a picture. It's huge. Is it half this room? No, it's probably this full room. Well, it's huge, right? Yeah, I would say. I mean, there's a kitchen, of course. It's part of the living area.

Yeah. No, it's big. Well, you live in a kitchen. Is there an island to the kitchen? No. Even better. That's awesome. Open floor.

When's the welcoming party? When is your birthday? April 5th. Why did we pipe that up like it was coming up? This is a great idea. It's going to be a great idea, the case race. My birthday month. Mine as well.

Mine as well. What? No, I'm talking about now. No, April. I'm talking about April. You're 29th, right? 26th. I knew that.

A lot of my boys were born in that week. Jerry. Yeah, it's our birthday month. Oh, I thought you said you were turning 26. We can brainstorm. Yeah, let's do something

from that. You love that date. What? That's one of my favorite dates. TJ, let's, let's, I mean, we're talking about

the last week of January right now. Don't one up me. Yeah, right. So yeah, let's brainstorm my thing. When are Owen and Nick's birthdays?

October. June. So your birthday's on a Wednesday? They both skipped right over. But if time is a thing, we should focus on TJ's birthday because it's the next one. When's TJ's birthday? Sunday. I'm stoked for Kyle's.

And mine right after. Encounter Pete Wednesday is the best day for a birthday. What are you? February 3rd. Kyle, what do you want for your birthday? Can we get Alpha M to come in? I love him. Maybe he could dress us all?

Gentlemen. This is so distinct. Let's get Alpha M to come in. What if we brought a certain clown back in? Uh-uh. We should get KB's doctor to call him back and be like, actually, you do have cancer. And then we can be like, see?

This is the beauty of life. For his birthday? Yeah. Sounds like a fun gift. Psych see, this is the beauty of life. For his birthday? Yeah. Sounds like a fun gift. You get a new lease on life. Was your cancer scare worth it? Are you living a little bit more? It wasn't a scare.

It was like that country song? I knew for a grand old fact that it wasn't cancer. What's a grand old fact? I heard two adjectives that describe how factual the fact was. It's a nice old fact in a wooden house. Yeah. I heard you were like geeking out.

I was. I was worried. It came in waves. I heard you were so worried you started sleepwalking. I was worried for you. Started going outside eating dirt.

Is that true? Never have I ever. He would go outside and lick the pavement in New York in his sleepwalking psychosis. Fuck you. That's what I heard.

I'm like, what are you saying? Fuck me. Fuck you. Reporting the news. Who told you? You boys just both got dropped down to 5X. Don't do that.

I would wish 5X on my worst enemy. Don't fucking do that, bro. That's depression. That's a one-way ticket to depression, going 5X. Imagine weaning yourself off 10X to 5. My God. Let's get shakes.

Imagine showing up to school and fucking everybody has 20X and you only have 10x. I'd be so mad at my parents. You're just broke. You've been broke. That's how you can tell a kid. Parents don't work too hard. I saw J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter.

Yeah. She was traumatized with her broke ass. All right. Yeah, let's end it. Let's get it. For real? It was a great show. You're on your phone?

I was looking up Grant Cardone. I was trying to add some fucking... Let's normalize looking at our phones for purposes that help the show. But how can we know? We don't know. You should have got on steroids already. No.

No, you're not sure. It'd be funny if you did it. Here comes Frank. Hey, Frank. Goatee Frank. Hey did it. Here comes Frank. Hey, Frank. Go T. Frank. Hey, Frank. Hey, Frank.

Hey, Frankie. Hey, Frank. There he goes. Dude, I wonder what's going to happen this year. I was thinking the same fucking thing. It's going to be like a movie. Box office. Yeah. Thriller.

Something weird is going to happen. Something we don't expect is going to happen this year. So are we going to do the one push-up and then 10 at the end of the year? Yep, I'm going to do one push-up today. That's expected, though. What's your goal for this show for this year? 10X. On all platforms.

Yep. Sweet. 225, Alan. You're going to be 225 pounds? 225 is my goal at the end of the year. Remember that time you went on a diet? Me too, you know. We'll both be 225. And you wouldn is my goal at the end of the year. Remember that time you went on a diet? Me too, you know. We'll both be 225.

And you wouldn't eat that hot dog that one day? I know. I was dedicated to the regime. Yeah, but you were so strict, you burned yourself. Everyone pointed at Frankie and laughed. Speak of the devil. Speak of the devil. We're just talking about you.

We're just talking about you. We're just talking about you. I like your textures today, bro. Very flowing. You know, a little baggy. Makes you look skinny. Yeah, you look like you're reanimated out of an L.L. Bean catalog. You just walked out of it.

Why? The over shirt makes you look slimmer. Is this your look? No, I'm just trying to look thinner. Yeah, more layers will make you look thinner. I'll never do that. Torture reveal. You'll never take your shirt off?

Not now. He's a layer guy now. Never. I have an interesting fact for you guys. Why is your voice sounding like that? What's going on with your voice? I don't know. I have an interesting...

I had a little bubble in my throat. I got an interesting fact for you guys. Okay. Why do you keep standing up and then coming back? Yeah, just stay. It's crazy. The interesting fact to me is... What I Why do you keep standing up and then coming back? Yeah, just stay. It's crazy. The fact to me is, what I find interesting is that, and you already know this fact. Why are you doing cool guy voice?

Just fucking say it. You're doing frack, you have a frack scent. Are you trying to be hot? He's doing cool hot guy voice. That's a show. Don't over respect. Don't over respect. Why are you trying to be really hot?

You can't hold us hostage. You can't hold us hostage. You can't hold us hostage. It's the act. It's the act. It's your straws. The act style has stayed for a while. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act.

That's time to talk shop and do a Yankee pop. It's the act. It's the act. Thank you.