The Yak - Tik Tok Stars Vinnie Hacker & White Sox Dave Invade The Yak | The Yak 10-7-21

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

Do i hear some feud???You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Mic check, mic check. Check, check. Mic check. Check, check, check. Mic check. What's up? We got a full house. Yeah. We almost had a fuller house. Yeah.

I kind of like Brandon's setup. You can get physical. You can move around with that. Yeah. I like it. Cozy up to Owen, though. Cozy up to Owen. Oh, shit. White Sox Dave's here.

White Sox Dave is in New York. We got the White Sox in the playoffs at 4-0-7 today. I thought it was at 2. 2-0-3? Tomorrow's 2, which is fucking stupid. Okay, relax. He's very relaxed. Can't you tell?

I don't think he is. I'm relaxed. I'm perpetually on edge. Those can't go hand in hand. What the fuck? Your beard looks treacherously low. Yeah, they trimmed it by about two inches down, huh? I did that.

I got the hand of a surgeon. Just did it myself. Yeah, you cut the bags under your eyes. You didn't. Brandon's sitting down. Now, Brandon is actually the hero of today's Yak. I took the asshole role. I took the asshole role. You took the asshole role. Yes, to keep

a certain person that people don't like, which I like. I like him. I don't know why people don't like him. I told him not to be on the show. What was his proposition? Arby's. I thought everyone wanted to talk Arby's. We'll have him on next Thursday for the trial. Maybe a little Arby's talk.

We could do Arby's talk. But they fucking melt. Their meat is liquid at Arby's. We can't do Arby's talk. You got a dry sandwich. You got no OG. We're going to Arby's talk without? No, no. We can't do that.

No further Arby's discussion. We can talk a little Arby's. All right, a little Arby's. It's not even a cut of meat. It's literally they liquefy the meat at Arby's, and then they just slice it off like it's a ham hock, but it's just literally liquid that's not even a cut of meat. Like, it's literally, they liquefy the meat at Arby's, and then they just slice it off like it's a ham hock, but it's just literally liquid that they're congealing into meat. It doesn't merit.

And Frank has a legitimate gripe. So you're anti-Arby's. Oh, big time. I think it's the best fast food. It's the best fast food. When we were doing Rediscovering America, and we were in bumfuck Michigan, I think it was after we did the hell thing. That's an actual town.

That's an actual town. We were like, we're starving. We need to eat somewhere. And they picked Arby's. And I was disgusted. Disgusting. It was gross. I think Arby's is a great road trip meal.

I don't even want to try. I've been to it. After I saw the meat mountain, I was like, I'm out forever. A beef and cheddar from Arby's is always a spot. Arby's is just very good. Curly fries? Look at that curly fries. Gravy.

You guys, again, your privilege. It is glaring right now. I went to an Arby's outside of Columbus that looked like it had not been cleaned in like 25 years. That's Columbus. You walk into an Arby's and there's like napkins soaking up liquid on the floors everywhere. That's the meat. That's the meat. You're complaining that they're cleaning?

They're staying. No, but they're just sitting there. It's not absorbing. You're complaining that they're cleaning? No, but they're just sitting there. They're absorbing. When Twitter went down, or when Instagram went down, Twitter did their tweet and they were like, Hello everyone, blah, blah, blah. And all these brands were replying and it was like McDonald's, Starbucks, and Burger King. And they all had like a million likes.

And then Arby's replied and it had like 45 likes. There's that joke on The Simpsons. You know the two twins? The two girl twins? Patty and Selma. Patty and Selma. No, no, no. Not their kids.

Oh, Flanders kids. No. Not Rod and Todd. Barton. Whatever. How many twins are there? They're like stuck on an island like Lord of the Flies. And one of the girls goes, I'm so hungry I could eat Arby's. And that is not far off from the truth.

Like, I'd almost rather... We stopped at a gas station. You got pecan spin wheels and combos. Pecan spin wheels. I don't even know what... No, that's not... No, that's slanderous. That is slanderous.

That is slanderous. Slanderous. You get pecan spin wheels. I don't even know what a pecan... It's pinwheels. Yeah, whatever they were. Pinwheels. You can get pecan spin wheels. I don't even know what a pecan is. It's pinwheels. Yeah, whatever they were. You got a snack cake and combos. Pinwheels are just a wrap cut up.

Okay. And he didn't get it. I didn't get it. What kind of combos? I don't like pretzels too much. I don't like what you just did. You don't like pretzels? I'll eat them, but not really.

I'm a weird eater. Yeah, what the fuck? What are you doing that to them for I I don't It's Sox-tober Yeah Yeah what do you eat in your garage

You guys should be I'm not the garage guy That's Carl You got the wrong guy You're Chicago Chicago Honestly it's funny Cause I don't talk about it

But Everything that Carl talks about With his garage He's got that like Big bright orange Space heater A shitty tube TV A couple of chairs

Like we all do do that My dad does it He's got a TV The alleys are the best But orange space heater, a shitty tube TV, a couple of chairs. Like, we all do do that. My dad does it. He's got a TV. The alleys are the best. But White Sox brought some chaotic energy today. He has it. I like it. I'm cool as a fucking kid.

Yeah, let's go ahead. I was delegated to stop Frank, and when I was stopping Frank, I lost my seat, and now I'm sitting on a stool. Why doesn't he sit on a stool? Have you ever seen? You're in the dunce chair. But you're much daintier. You can sit on a stool better than me.

You remember, Brandon, you remember in the 80s when they created the Star Wars system where we would shoot down a rocket coming from Russia? That's what I... I just created it here. I sent you as a rocket to explode Frank and you also exploded. Was that Richard Nixon? So we took care of both of our problems. Brandon and Frank. I didn't know. I'm a problem? So we took care of both of our problems. Brandon and Frank.

I didn't know. I'm a problem? Oh, yeah. You're a bad seed. You're a liability. You sit too low. Oh, and am I a problem? No.

Sass? Yeah. Yeah. Big time. Kyle? By the way, sport clips. Oh, yeah. A haircut shouldn't feel that relaxing, but it does in sport clips.

That's because stylists just don't wash your hair. They use a seven-pressure point massaging shampoo technique that is so relaxing you melt in your seat in the hot steam towel. Oh, yeah, it's infused with tea tree oil and perfectly steamed, leaving you feeling like you just left a Swedish sauna. And to top it off, you get a pinpoint cut. Stop by Sport Clips today and ask for the MVP haircut experience, which is a ridiculously relaxing Sport Clips to pro in men's hair.

Dude, I feel like I'm with all my boys right now. Yeah, we're just fucking hanging. I feel like I'm at the start of a fun-ass weekend with all my boys or something like that. We just all got somewhere or something. If only this glass wall was like a segmented metal door that could lift up. Park a car in here. That would be crazy. If these chairs folded or something like that,

that would be amazing. Do they recline? No. Yeah, they do. Dave, I'm happy that you're here. I'm happy you're our guest, but you do have to do one thing to see if you're allowed to stay on this show.

Oh, shit. You got to get to Fast Money. Good answer. Good answer. Good answer. Let's see if you stay on the show. Good answer, too. Good answer. Good answer.

Let's see if White Sox Dave can stay on the show. We got a nat 8, baby. We're sitting on a nat 8. We like to play Family Feud on this show. Okay. So you're going to play. And if you lose. If you don't get to Fast Money, you have to take Brandon's seat.

Okay. All right. I like this. I like this. Yes. Brandon gets his seat back. You don't have to leave, but you have to switch seats. You earn your spot.

So I was pulling it up. There's a bunch of ads that have to go through. I'm excited for this. It's real exciting. Would you say you're good at Family Feud? Has a dog ever eaten your keys? Are you aware of one of the keys? Oh, here we go.

Here we go. All right, who is he playing? Who is he playing? No woman, no woman, no woman. No woman. Oh, boy. Fair enough. How are we feeling?

She put her full name in. I'll read the questions out loud for you, then you just say the answers. Some men with beards look like they've got what furry animal sitting on their face? What a question. Come on, Dave. Raccoon. Raccoon. Good answer.

Raccoon. Yeah. Good answer. Good answer. Keep going. Keep going. Keep thinking. I keep going.

It's all you. It's all you. Let's go a squirrel. Okay. Good answer. Good answer. squirrel. Okay. Squirrel. Woodland animal. Good answer. Keep fighting, Dave.

Keep going. Keep going. Let's go a bear. Bear on your face. You specific. That's a big bear. Let's go a beaver. I love beaver in my face.

Dave's sticking to one region. One region, Dave. Let's go a possum. There he is. He's still there. Possum. Oh, shit. All right.

Ten seconds. Ten seconds. Let's go. Rat. Rat. Rat. Rat. Rat.

Rat. Rat. Rat. Rat. Rat. Rat. Rat. Rat.

Rat. Yes. Keep going. One more. One more. Okay. Good first round. Great first round. You're up. You're up. Good job. One more. Okay. Good first round. Great first round.

You're up. You're up. Good job. Good job. Great answers. Great first round. No pressure, but the second and third round was where this thing was going. That was like Google AdSense Family Feud version.

They just directed that right for Dave. Okay. Here we go. Dave, name another word for tire. Exhausted. Exhausted. Good answer. That's a long word, too. Whoa. Hold, name another word for tired. Exhausted. Exhausted. Good answer. That's a long word, too.

Hold on. Show me pooped. Pooped. Drained. Pooped. Drained. Drained. I'm so furious he's a prodigy.

You might be the best we've ever known. How was I going? Exhausted, pooped, tired. Chilled? Ch tired. Chilled? Chilled. He's a prodigy. I'm so chilled right now. Chilled.

Been up all night, chilled out. Fuck. This wine is fucking exhausted right now. Come on, Dave. Drunk. Drunk. Drunk. Do you understand the question?

Yeah, I do. Losing stamina. You're out. Oh, no. Sleepy fatigue. We're down, Davey. We're down. This is big.

This is huge, Dave. Okay, it's triple money, so you're good. You can win this round. You win this round, you win the game. Give me six Cs. Name something people wash once a week. Sheets. People, not you.

People. Sheets. Sheets. Good answer. Whoa. Don't have dogs, I guess. Boxers underwear. Pantaloons?

Boxers underwear. Underwear, underwear, like... Boxers, underwear. Boxers, underwear. Underwear, underwear, underwear. Underwear, underwear. Socks. That's disgusting. No, not socks. Dave. What?

No, that doesn't count. It does. Keep going. Car. Car. Car. Yes, yes, come on. You're not parking your car.

Let's go. Let's go, Dave. Let's go with their hair. I know girls wash their hair, like hair sporadically, which is weird. Good answer, Dave. Finish the board. What about your house? Clear the board.

Your windows. Your windows. Your windows. Mirror. Mirror. Mirror. Windows and mirror. You can say both.

Type both in. Type both in. Windows. Windows. Type both in. Windows. Windows. Type it in. Oh, no. I think you got it. Floor.

Wait. Did that count? No, you might not be. I don't think you beat her. I don't think you beat her. I don't know. No, I did. Oh.

Oh, he lost. See ya. No, Brandon's got to do it. No, no, no. He won. I'm an OG at this. I don't think he did this. Oh, shit. He lost. He didn't win. Oh, no. You have to go to Brandon's seat. You have to go, Brandon's got to do it. No, no, no. He won. I'm an OG at this. I don't get this. Oh, shit.

He lost. He didn't win. Oh, no. You have to go to Brandon's seat. You have to go to Brandon's seat. Damn. Lost by three. Yep.

What a game. That was incredible. Holy shit. We'll give you another chance later on in the show. Yeah, we have a family feud addiction. Should we make Brandon play, and if he doesn't win, then Frank takes his seat? Yeah. We won't do that. Chaos. Brandon play and if he doesn't win then Frank takes his seat you just keep

playing Family Feud until Frank is in here like it's not our fault we could get someone to take Dave's seat oh yeah an outsider this is why I hate coming out here cuz you want me and because of you. What are you talking about? They're always scheming. When have we ever schemed against you? Yes, they are. It's not that you I mean, there's probably been instances where you have, but it's the potential that you could. Name one scheme.

You're sitting on the stool with me all the time. When have I ever schemed against Dave? Is that Chris Casalini? No. But he looks like him. He looks a lot like him. But they got that potential energy. Yeah, right. Just buzzing like, oh, they're about to scheme something. Exactly.

They're about to throw a scheme on somebody. What? I just don't trust them. Yeah, I hate dishonest folks. I don't trust them. White Sox, big. We booked a fucking clown. We booked a clown yesterday.

We got a clown coming tomorrow. But they need us to call them today. Yeah, we have to call again. Did you call again yesterday? Twice. Oh, wow. Yesterday was almost strictly a clown episode. Oh, okay. I like that.

We were the clowns. We end up being the clowns. They don't wear face paint. Roan almost got us in trouble. What? It is a hot, young Spanish or Eastern European clown and her male assistant. Should we call them? What's our plan? What are we going to talk to them about?

They're probably watching right now, realistically. They're expecting a call right now. So the lady's been calling me all morning asking for details, and I'm like, I don't know. All right, so yeah. And the ever-normal KB found the girl's Twitter. Oh, God. I had to go away for one show, and you guys stalk our clown? No, not even the clown. She was asking for it. What do you mean? our clown? No, not even the clown.

She was asking for it. The clown secretary. She was asking for it. She joined Twitter. Hey, did you guys see that? Some stoolie DMed me Sahara Dodges. She has a Twitter. Or a Facebook, rather.

That's creepy. It's a girl we met on Rediscovering America. I knew that because I watched it. You remember. What's your favorite part of that episode? The Sahara Dodges part. Nice. No, it's cool.

We went to a stand-up show yesterday. I watched like half of Rediscovering America. Oh, how was your stand-up show? You did? Which is more than most people can say. Jesus Christ. In this room. In this room.

I watched them all. Jesus fucking Christ. What do you want us to do do an amazon video i actually think i watched almost all of them fuck man fine we'll copy kyle mooney is that what you want you guys are gas that's how it stand up it was good it was a fun show are you you did good a pro now Are you A pro now No You were dreading it yesterday I think I fucked up a lot more this time

But I think I had a lot more fun this time Than I did the first time Got it How'd you have fun What made it fun It was just like More fun doing new jokes And

The crowd was fun He was saying How he was like About to shit himself Like of nerves But he was like The most calm It would have been the most calm

I would have ever been Like You were so calm well i think i was just leaning more towards killing myself instead okay no i was very very nervous and i really didn't want to do it but you did it yeah you're a pro how long were you nervous for the whole day and what about the day before no not at all the day when do you think you'll get invited on Rogan? Within the week. Yeah. And then Shane Gillis tried to psych him out before the show. Gillis greeted him at the door.

Gillis was there? Yeah, he was trying to freak me out. He was like, there's so many agents here. Agents or Asians? Agents. There were Asians. Ben Mintz. Don't try to bluff one. He tried? Agents. There were Asians. Ben Mintz. Don't try to bluff one. Yeah.

He tried to bluff. He tried to bluff one. You can't. Even he knew better. He can't. Who's it? What happened? Harrison had that, right?

He was like, they sneak attack. Hawk Harrison had a call. Can I say what he said? No. Dance around it. He, I don't even think it's, it's not that you shouldn't say it it's he said that he said use the word oriental oh okay yeah he's like oriental pitchers have a deceptive delivery and people went fucking if it would have happened in 2021 he would have been canceled to the moon and back yes there's like five six years can't bluff him though um jesus

wait so ben said that or what ben tweeted saying you can't bluff an Asian. No, that's not what he said. He tried to bluff an Asian, and then he deleted it because he's like, there's no reason that you need to tell us what his ethnicity was. They had atomic bombs dropped on him. They're not going to be scared of a King Jack. He tried to bluff an Asian. I mean, that implies that he failed.

Yes, that is true. Yeah, I lost the hand. I tried to bluff an Asian. I tried to... I mean, that implies that he failed. Yes, that is true. Yeah, I lost the hand. I tried to bluff an Asian. Tried to bluff an Asian. Has he never met an Asian person, do you think? I don't know. He's never talked to an Asian person. In fairness.

He's on a podcast with Che. His job is talking to an Asian. Exclusively an Asian. And actually, the Asian closest in my life, Stephen Che, is easily bluffable. The most bluffable. That's true. Bluff him all the time. Yeah.

He believes everything. Yeah. You don't try to bluff Che. You just do it. You just say it. I'm a trusting person. Yeah, you are. Stephen Che.

Shout out to Stephen Che. He got his booster today. You think Dave knows that his shout out flashlight's on oh that's embarrassing he's showing his age tell him

Saskia tell him tell him Zaz Zaz's dead serious oh no oh no Dave you gotta go out there White Sox go tell him

hold your phone up flashlight flashlight Sox that's brutal that is brutal Go tell him. Hold your phone up. Flashlight. Socks. That's brutal. That is brutal. It is like it's the 21st century of zipper. Talk about it. It's so bad.

It's just like when someone tells you on the train, like all your flashlights on. Fuck you, dude. Yeah. I do hate when people tell me. The worst is when it's like in your pocket, and it's just like going through. You can see the light. Yeah. That's the worst. Sh worst is when it's in your pocket and it's going through. You can see the light.

Yeah. That's the worst. Shining through this man's pants. Mortifying. Should we play another game? We got to call. Make the call. We have to make the call.

We got to make the call. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to talk on air. Wait a minute. She should talk to us. It sounds like we're not getting that. I think it's a different person. Okay, so then back up.

Dave, when's your game tomorrow? 207? Eastern, yeah. If I paid $300, would you dress up as a clown for Tommy's birthday? No. $400? No. Name your price.

$250? It would have to start. $25? It would have to be five figures. Five figures? $10,000 plus. That's $10 would have to be five figures. Five figures? Ten grand plus. That's ten grand. To dress up as a clown?

Yeah. So you wouldn't dress up as a clown? I can. Laser fucking focused. Who's kid? Your kid? Yeah. How about five?

What time? You wouldn't dress up for tomorrow. I can't. Why? I mean, where do you live? No, it's here. It's here. Oh, we're bringing them in.

Yeah, you don't have to travel. Also, why not? Whoa, hold on. You can't come to my fucking house. I don't want to gloss. Why not? Because your wife's... No.

Wait, let me throw in... I'm great. I got nieces and nephews and shit. They love me. White Sox Dave actually is very good with kids. Probably. Let me throw in a little something extra here. A little sweetener?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. What if you also get to kidnap Brandon's son? Yeah, you get to kidnap Brandon's son. As a joke. That makes it more enticing. Yeah, as a joke. Like just hide him.

Just rough him up a little bit. Put him in your trunk. Nothing too serious. We'll rent you a car. This is the part of the joke I don't like as much. We'll hog tie him. But then Brandon's going to save him, and you have to kind of let Brandon save him.

It'll be like a scavenger hunt. See, now we're getting somewhere. Like the clown, that's whatever, played out. If we do a kidnapping scavenger hunt, then we're on to something. It's like a different version of one of those escape rooms. Yeah, exactly. I was thinking sometimes families pay to do it. And you got like 30 minutes before he runs out of oxygen like that one uh adrian adrian movie yeah yeah and if i don't get it

worse families like pay to get their kid kidnapped and taken to like the wilderness for a week what yeah for what reason if they're like degenerate kids. Oh. I like how degenerate is the word. What era, what eon, and what culture? Now, what wealthy family? What qualifies as degenerate? Probably drugs, alcohol, sex. In the wilderness? Yeah, you got to survive.

Do they ever die? Yeah. Dave. All the time. You're back in New York City? I am, yeah. I'm here. You going to survive. Do they ever die? Dave. All the time. You're back in New York City. I am, yeah. I'm here. You going to the diner?

What diner? We will be in. The diner where he fell in love. The diner where he fell in love. With Flo, the waitress. And it was Flo? No, that's like the common name for. It's a generic.

Yeah, generic. Waitress names. No, I will not be. be actually i might because the food there was awesome where is it it's across the river right across the river in jersey you said you needed yeah i know last time you were on you said you needed to confront her because why because smitty fucked it up and gave her the wrong phone number so not not talk you have to confront her of why she hasn't well i dragged sm drag Smitty there and be like, sorry about my doofus friend. Did you hear about this, Dave?

I mean, Dan. Oh, it's from January. I mean, Dad. It was almost a year ago already. Yeah. But she's probably long gone. She was she was on a furlough. Yeah.

But she was on furlough from the airlines. She's a stewardess. Real job. Waitress is a real job. Yeah, but she was on furlough from the airlines. She's a stewardess. Real job. Waitress is a real job, too, Dave. Flight assistant is what we call them. Is that what we call them? Brandon knows.

Flight assistant? Flight attendant. Attendant. Is that how you flirted with her? You went to the diner and you were just like, what's your second job? It's a real job. This can't be what you actually do. So what do you actually want to do? Outside of this passion project.

Yeah, aside from this. All right, so we've got to go back to the diner. Maybe. I'm excited. I want to bring KB there. I think KB would be a good wingman. Oh, yeah, KB's great with women. You think he would remember you?

Not because of the notes Smitty left are like a doofus but like I would want you to just be next to me and make me look taller which I struggle with. I think I'm taller than you.

Hide off. Hide off. For the chair. For the chair. For the chair. You have to move your chair. For the chair. Yes.

No you have to. I don't know. Or don't do the hide off. Don't do it. No no you have to do it. White's actually You gotta do it. It's for the chair. We'll give you you have to. I don't know. Or don't do the hide-off. Don't do it. No, no, you have to do it. White's actually- You got to do it. It's for the chair.

We'll give you a chance to win a chair back. I've been running. I've been doing cardio. He's been running. We'll give you a chance to win the chair back. Oh, no. That's close. Oh, no.

Oh, it's Kyle. Oh, it's Kyle. It's Kyle. What an upset. Kyle. Kyle. Oh, no. It actually might be necking. I think it's Kyle. It's Kyle. It's Kyle. It's Kyle. Kyle. Oh, no. It actually might be necking.

I think it's Kyle. It's Kyle. It's Kyle. Way to go, Kyle. Kyle, keep your chair. Viva. Viva. Viva.

Viva. Viva. Viva. Kyle, keep your chair. But my point is that I won't be like a foot shorter than I'm like I'm usually at. Got it. So even if he's a little taller than me, that's fine. That was huge for you, Kyle. That was a big win. One of the biggest wins you've ever had. I feel great I'm usually in. Got it. So even if he's a little taller than me, that's fine. That was huge for you, Kyle.

That was a big win. That was the biggest win you've ever had. I feel great. That was awesome. Maybe second dubs, one of the comedians liked his Creed shirt last night. Oh. So you made the comedian laugh.

He didn't laugh. Oh. He liked the shirt. Yeah. Then he turned to Nick and he said, not as good as his shirt. Did Shane Gillis psych you out? Yeah.

Yeah, he was like, because the whole time I was thinking that I knew he was going to be there and I didn't want him to watch my set. And then he came up to me right away and he was like, I'm pumped to see your set, man. And then he was like, fucking with me, though. Damn. Was Liam there? No. Liam loves Shane Gillis.

No. No. I don't think. Was Shane performing? He was earlier that day. Yeah, he was on the show downstairs. Liam loves Shane Gillis so much. When we were in Chicago for Wisconsin Notre Dame, he texted me.

He was like, hey, Shane Gillis is at the game. If you see him, say hello. And I went to Shane Gillis' Instagram stories. And Liam is colorblind. Shane Gillis was at the game in Texas. You just saw an end zone. Hilarious. And it was like, you know,

the difference between burnt orange and red, which Liam can't figure out. He was like, oh, he must be at the game. He can't figure it out. His fucking brain is stupid. Can't figure out the colors. Just figure it out, Liam. God damn it.

See the colors. Who should give up their chair next? Who should play for their chair next? I don't know. We could all hide off with Dave. Owen, how tall are you? I'm taller than you, I believe. Hide off.

Hide off. Hide off. Hide off. Hide off. Hide off. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Too off. Hide off. Hide off. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Too easy.

Too easy. I'm going to stand up. Willian. Get up. Here. Dave didn't get up. KB. What?

You were a Division I athlete, correct? Yes. What was your program height? What does that mean? You always list this. I list my real height 5'7 on my license, on everything I fill out. So I just got a new license, but my old one said I was 5'9, 150. 5'9, 150?

Yeah. You're clearly shorter than me, so you're probably 5'5 and a half. You're exaggerating your size and you got the 5'9, 150? Well, this is also from when I was 16. What is your license currently? Even then, I was like 185. It says 5'8", I think 180. Well, you're not 5'8".

You're 5'6". I know. I got to lie about it, though. Okay. It's true. Yeah. Why were you driving with your driver? Bouncers?

Large men? 5'8", 185, it says. And I'm like 205. All right. Spider. You can hide off. I think I'm like 205. All right. Spider. You can hide off. I think I actually might have Spider. Yeah.

What is he, 5'5"? I'm just trying to get you a win, man. I mean this so genuinely, I don't see height. I don't see height at all. That's exactly what's about personality, right? Or if you're fat enough, you just see. That's true. Oh, yeah, I see that. If you're 5. Or if you're fat enough, you just see. That's true. Oh, yeah.

I see that. There's five, six. You should just gain a lot of weight because then you're just a big guy. Yeah, you're just the fat guy. There's a PEMDAS of attributes. Attributes. How do you get jacked weight, I think? Asian.

Bald. Oh. Asian. Then height. No, bald is it's true because if you see a bald guy and he's short he's bald first

he's a bald guy right that's actually very very so you're saying bald might be first fat comes first I thought yeah I think fat I don't know

if you see a fat bald guy you can't really if you're fat you can't really it goes it goes obesity bald very overweight.

I mean, listen, I don't... I also think, I actually think... There's a guy, we can test this. I think jacked goes in there too. If you see a really short guy who's jacked, you kind of see that he's jacked first. If you see a 5'6 guy

who's just a fucking jacked shithouse. Who was the football player who two days, two days ago posted a picture of his arms, and he was like, I didn't want to see him. Miles Carroll. It was insane. Was that? That's real. Did he pass the test or no?

Oh, he did. He did. Yeah. So he's completely natural? Yes. All natural. I literally thought that the second picture was Photoshopped. Yes.

That was insane. Yes. You'll look like that soon. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I look like that now. Can we have, like, the two minutes where you guys talk about weightlifting shit? I like insane. Yes. You'll look like that soon. Yeah. You might look like that now. Can we have like the two minutes where you guys talk about weightlifting shit? I like that.

I honestly felt that was like a nice segment. The boys in the chat room are saying I'm not giving myself enough recovery time. I said that to you yesterday. I'm just fatigued. Yeah, you got to give yourself more rest. I haven't taken a day off. You haven't? You need at least one full rest day a week.

I switched muscles. The second picture was outrageous. Let's look at him. No, it's just the... The second one is insane. Oh, my God. That's real? Mm-hmm.

He's such a beast. Did you see the... The forearms are the craziest part. Did you find the gif of him glitching against the bear? That was insane. That was insane. I had to watch that like a thousand times. It's like legs. Yeah. He glitched against the bear? It looks like a computer glitch. He teleported. It was insane. I had to watch that like a thousand times. It's like legs.

He glitched against the Bears. It looks like a computer glitch. He teleported. It was insane. He is so fast and so strong and so nice, and you don't want him to hit you with the helmet. He's so nice. Well, he did hit a guy with a helmet.

I know. I saw that. Watch this glitch. Watch this glitch. This is against the Bears. The Bears have a terrible offensive line. Oh, my God. It's insane.

It makes no sense. Look at that. He just, like, teleports. I think because it's like a – Ready? Watch this. It's crazy. He glitched. It looks like a Madden glitch.

That's how fast he is. I think it's a little bit of an optical illusion. What? What? What the fuck? I had to watch that, like, aden glitch. That's how fast he is. I think it's a little bit of an optical illusion. What? What? What the fuck? I had to watch that like a thousand times. I saw another one last night

that was way cooler. The Madden fucking video? Yeah. Which one? I don't know. I was just watching like all of his highlights. Wait, what?

Yeah. Wait, after you saw how jacked he was you went to watch his highlights? These are some Miles Garrick. Let's get you a jersey. I was scrolling through his replies

and they were like I don't think this I don't think the arms are why they're testing you. I think it's this. And then it would be like a play of him taking down six people at one time. He looks like left brain from Odd Future. Look at that suit.

His arms look like they're inflated. Yeah, how do you get a suit like that? Yeah, I know, right? Do you think he ever thought about sizing up? Like if he reaches for Like, if he reaches for something, if he reaches something behind his car,

he wouldn't fill out the sleeve. That looks like a pillow. That can't be comfortable. Yeah, he does. He looks like a throw pillow. He looks like a throw pillow. Wife's throw pillows.

Is he married? No, he's a loser. Lifeless. He's a loser. Imagine if he loses a game and he has no throw pillows to cry into. Brutal. All right.

Listen, if this girl doesn't want to talk on the phone, we should cancel the clown. Why are you guys so cancel happy with the clowns? You and Roan. Yeah, you and Roan. It's the married men. Didn't I already pay for it? Yeah. Yeah.

I told them. And I said, Big Cat can't afford the cancellation fee. I can't. It's the married men. I'm a clown. Didn't I already pay for it? Yeah. Yeah. I told them. And I said, and they were trying to cancel yesterday. And I told them. I said, Big Cat can't afford the cancellation fee. I can't. No, I can't. Things are tight right now. It's not my budget.

And we had listeners tweeting at her like, you look just as hot as you sounded. That's your fault. I didn't find her. It's not KB's fault. It wasn't me. It was on the Reddit. I saw it on the Reddit. No, but KB retweeted.

I did not touch it. Okay. I did not retweet it. It was very, very easy to find. I saw it on the Reddit. No, but KB retweeted. I did not touch it. Okay. I did not retweet it. It was very, very easy to find. I found it myself. Maybe we should cancel the clown. Should we pull it up? Should we cancel the clown?

No. No. We can't cancel the clown. Cancel the clown. But none of them know what they want from the fucking clown. They just want to get horny. Like, KB found out that she takes tips. You know the clown doesn't have face paint, right?

You guys think this is a stripper. Yes. Yes, exactly. No, you do. No, that's found out that she takes tips. You know the clown doesn't have face paint, right? You guys think this is a stripper. Yes. No, you do. No, that's exactly what it is. You guys are like, we're gonna fuck this clown. The married men don't want a stripper, that's why. There's gonna be an 11-year-old boy here. What if we turned off the cameras for you boys? Then would you be okay with it?

Alright, now we're talking. And we all are, like, cool about it? No one texts after? What if we did an audio only episode Yo guys We're doing like Dave Chappelle shows And have like Everyone puts their phones away Yeah

Everybody puts it away The one dude at the end of the bachelor party Who's like Hey fellas Like just Just as a rule Like we're not gonna talk about this Right

Like now I'm going to Yes Fucking asshole Okay so no clown Then what is it if it's no clown? We're just having ice cream? We're just having ice cream. Can we give Jersey Jerry, do you have any trivia?

Can we see if we can get Jersey Jerry to go up against someone to see if he gets a seat? I like this rotating seat. Well, he could do the family feud. No, no, that takes too much time. Maybe a three-question trivia? What's up, Jersey? Jerry, what's up? Oh, fuck. What are you doing. What's up, Jersey? Jerry, what's up? Oh, fuck.

What are you doing? What's wrong? You can't look at Roan? Wait, give me the mic real quick. Yeah, sit down. Sit down. Sit down. What's going on here?

You can't look at Roan? And can you explain why? Yeah, so yesterday. I got you. I got you, I got you. Yesterday, me and Marty, we pulled a prank on Jeff Nadu, and it was a really, really good prank. We really fooled him on this one. But as everybody knows,

Roan is in Jeffrey Nadu's corner, and he's really his hype man and stuff. And Marty and— I don't see hype, dude. I'm not his hype man. You are on his side, though, right? Yeah. I mean, but that doesn't mean that I'm plotting against you.

What does that mean, Dan? Yeah, I mean, you can't talk to him. You can't talk to Jerome. I can't look at him. I can't talk to him. Yeah, he's got to be invisible to us. Yep. Can I make a comment really quick? Yeah, go ahead. You can't talk to Ro. I can't look at him. I can't talk to him. He's got to be invisible to us. Can I make a comment really quick? Yeah, go ahead. You got an excellent beard line.

Thank you. If I do say so myself. Oh, nice. Can I see you put down the paper just for a second? Nope, I cannot. Let me just see your beard line. I won't. I won't. I'm very anxious. I got it. Can I just... He's closing his eyes. He's closing his eyes.

You guys should have a beard line off. A beard line off. A beard line off for the seat. Seat. That's actually my seat. Well, you shaved your beard, Brandon. You gave your seat up, so. You have no beard line.

Jerry, so. I've done nothing to, I've been thrust into this. I've done nothing. I like support someone. I'm in someone's corner. And then suddenly I'm like Public enemy number one I thought that Jerry and I

Had an amicable relationship Throughout the office You don't have to answer this Okay Yeah Jerry wasn't it amicable You don't have to answer that Speak through Dan

Speak through Dan What do you want me to say Tell him yeah we were friends Yeah we were friends And then what happened But then I was told That you did a prank And now we can't be friends

I didn't even do anything. I was told, watch out for Roan. He's smart. He's sneaky. He said that he's smart. By Marty? Jerry, I got your back. I feel the same way about almost everybody in this room.

I don't know Owen or Sass well enough, but I feel that way about all of them. I've never hoodwinked you in my life. Jerry, he threw a cactus to me. Not at me, to me. He threw a cactus. Wow. See, that was my first day at the office. me. He threw a cactus. Wow. See? That was my first day at the office. Have you bamboozled anyone in this room?

Was it? It was. Let anyone astray? Who'd wink her? Don't trust me. Not as much as these two guys. When have we ever hoodwinked you? Be friends with them.

Don't trust me. But it's not that you haven't. Yeah, we're friends. I'm pretty sure you have. We can be friends. Remain friends. We can be friends. All right.

I haven't done anything. I have no schemes or plans. I haven't hatched anything. I haven friends. All right. I haven't done anything. I have no schemes or plans. I haven't hatched anything. I haven't cooked up anything. I don't have anything cooking in the oven. I haven't done anything. Not yet. What's going on behind me?

Exactly. Exactly. What are the skaters doing? Not yet. All right. This guy can play for your seat. Yeah. Who the fuck is this guy?

He looks outrageously cool. Hey, Jerry. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry. He looks dangerously cool. One more. One more, Jerry, Jerry. He looks dangerously cool. Jerry, if you get to fast money, you get to keep Brandon's seat.

Yeah, yeah, get him in. Let's get him on feud. Oh, no. Who are these guys? More followers than anybody on TikTok, I think. What's up? Give him the mic, Dave. No.

What's up, man? What's up, man? What's up, Big Daddy? You have a chance to get onto this chair. You can win a seat. You can get a seat on here, it's a game of Family Feud Oh shit One game of Family Feud

I suck at Family Feud Have you played before? No Oh damn Gotta try How do you know you suck then? I just You might be good

Your whole crew can help you out The only person No the only person who can help you is Jerry Okay Jerry can help you That's it Is that cool? Alright Family Feud Alright here we go This is for all the marbles No, the only person who can help you is Jerry. Okay. Jerry can help you. Okay. That's it. Is that cool? All right.

Family food. All right, here we go. This is for all the marbles. This is all the marbles. This is for your career. All the marbles. Vinny, do you want me to read them for you? Yeah.

Okay. He'll read them for you. Yes, please. Round one. Round one, okay. Here we go. Got. Name something an exhausted wife does when her husband won't stop snoring.

Puts the pillow over his face. Smothers. Smothers. Smothers. Smothers. Smothers over his face. Smothers. Show us smothers.

Smothers, maybe. Good answer. Good answer. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.

Yeah, you got to keep going. Jerry, you can help. Maybe leave the room, maybe, Vinny? Yeah, leave. Leave. Show me leave. Leave. Leave. Leave the room. Yes. Good answer. Good answer. Good answer, Vinny? Yeah, leave. Leave. Show me leave. Leave. Leave the room.

Yes, good answer. Good answer. This is for the seat. Keep going. Keep going. Keep thinking. Think, Vinny. Think.

Do you think they kick him out, Jerry? Kick him out. Kick him out. Kick him out. Kick him out of the room. Kick him out of the room. Kick him out. Kick him out.

Kick out works. Kick him out. Kick him out. Kick him out. Yeah! 12 seconds. Kick him out. Kick him out. Kick out works. Kick him out. Kick him out. Kick him out. Yeah! 12 seconds. Wake him up. Wake him up.

Wake him up. Yeah. Wake him up. Yeah. Yeah! One more. One more. Dump water.

Dump water. Punch him in the face. Punch him. Dump water. That's all right. Good round, though. Good round. It's tied up.

Earplugs. All right. Tied up. Going into round two. We did good, Vinny. Round two. Round, it's tied up. Earplugs. All right, tied up. Going into round two. We did good, Vinny. Round two. Round two. Two more rounds.

That's it. We're tied up now. All right. Tied up. Here we go. You're in a good spot right now. This is good. Round two.

All right. Name one specific word that describes how you like your coffee that also describes you. Black. Show us black. Yeah. There you go, Jerry. Black. Show us black. Yeah. There you go, Jerry. Maybe sweet. Sweet.

You didn't say it. You didn't say it. Sweet. Let's talk temperature. Let's talk temperature. You. You should know. Say it.

Hot. Hot. Hot. Say hot. Wow. One more. One more. Easy round.

A cold maybe? Maybe cold? Maybe hot. A cold hearted a cold party though Come on. Think about family feud light no Enter and jet and coffee's energetic energetic and what do you got? What do you got? Dude, I don't know 17 seconds. Just throw something out. You got some strikes. You got strikes pigeon pigeon Yes Just throw something out. You got some strikes? You got strikes? Pigeon. Pigeon. Pigeon. Pigeon. Good answer. Let's try.

Oh, she swept the board. White. Just throw white in there. She swept the board. White mocha. Yeah, white, white. Oh, already guessed it. No, no, he guessed it.

No, Family Feud doesn't see color. Family Feud doesn't see color. Strong. You guys are down. You guys are down. You guys are down. That's right. All right, we're not down that much, though. No, but you're down. We're down. We guys are down. You guys are down. That's all right. We're not down that much, though.

No, but you're down. Look at Gian. We're down. We're not that much. You're almost out. Vinny, this is it now, okay? This is it. Yeah, this is what we got to do.

Round three. This is what we got to do. Name something a man might spend a lot of money on just to impress a first date. Maybe a watch. Watch. Clothes. What? You bring a watch to a first date?

I thought that was a Rolex there What about Clothes What about dinner? What about dinner? Dinner You got clothes? Dinner

Dinner I like dinner Dinner, yes, good answer Flowers Flowers? I like that I don't know Yeah

Flowers, come on Finish it, finish it Maybe chocolate Sweet Chocolate Dinner it Chocolate Chocolate No This is big Wine Wine

What is it? Oh my god, she beat you No Car She beat you Triple point she beat you. No. No. No. Yeah. Car. Yes. She beat you. Triple point. She beat you. She beat you.

Oh, damn it. See ya. Both of you. All right. See ya. See ya. Thanks for trying, man. Thanks, guys.

Thanks, Vinny. Thanks, Jerry. The books. All right. That was exhilarating. Yeah, it was. It's fun. That was exhilarating.

Can I have Brandon's seat? I'm shocked that Wyman earned it. Give White Sox, Steve, one trivia question for Brandon's seat. One trivia question. Oh, yeah, you did. You did. You won it back. No, wait.

You just didn't. No, you. Give Brandon one trivia question for. No, I was nice, and I gave Jerry my seat so he could come in and talk about Rome. Those dudes are not cool at all. Not at all. Did you see how they did a family feud? I thought they would be way cooler than that.

They were in distress over the... Dressing out, dude. As soon as Jerry said black, they were like, yo, dude, we got to get the fuck, we got to get out of here. This is not going to look good for Vinny. White Sox Dave has no headphones on. I don't got headphones. They're talking to you.

We can tell you the question. We'll relay the question. Which country produces the most coffee in the world? Which country produces the most coffee in the world? Which country produces the most coffee in the world? Colombia. Colombia. Fucking idiot. Is it Ethiopia or Brazil?

Brazil. Brazil. Brazil. What if it's just America? Yo, okay. Like a little, you know. That's not the answer, though. But What if it's just America? Yo, okay. Like a little, you know. That's not the answer, though. But what if it was?

You can't just say, I mean, there's an answer. There's an actual answer. No, I know. I'm with Dave. I got one guess, I thought. I'm with Dave. It's choose your own adventure. Choose your own adventure trivia.

I thought it was one question. I got it. What is it? What's the answer? We should start a show. No answer. Brazil. A trivia show where you can answer whatever, but if you explain it well enough, you get credit.

We call that directionally correct in the Chicago office. If you're just in the ballpark, you're automatically right. Love it. There you go. You were right. Chase roasting you right now. What's he saying? Oh, shit.

What's he saying? What's he saying? Chill, chill, chill, chill. Steven, White Sox Dave did follow mask mandates. He's going for it. He's saying some shit. I'm sure he is. Oh, wow.

Pull up his mask back there. He said pull up. Pull up the mask. Oh, he's a lib too? He did not smoke crack. Oh, my God. He called you a crack-smoking lib. God damn.

Which is more insulting. Fuck this guy. You tell me. I'd actually probably rather be the crack smoker in that situation. Come on. Right, Brandon? You feel me? Yes.

KB? Yes. Nick? I'm vaccinated. Yes, sir. Hell yeah. I do. Give me a hell Yes sir Hell yeah I do Give me a hell yeah

Hell yeah Can you do the Roman Swipes ad Sass But do it Can you stand up Here Let me help you You're saying

You have one of your White Sox names Gotta swipe on him He might see flow Let me help you out here Okay there we go So Roman Swipes Is that what we're doing

Five dollars off with your order What's the promo code Take Yak Get roman.com Slash yak Y A-K Okay, there we go. So, Roman Swipes. Is that what we're doing? $5 off with your order. What's the promo code? Take Yak. Get Roman.com slash Yak. Y-A-K. Unbelievable. $5 off your order.

Easily concealable in your wallet, just like it is in mine. It's been sitting there for months. I haven't had the need for it, but if I had sex. Should we maybe do demonstrations? See if we can get you to come? We'll try to get you to come. All of our hands. We'll get you to come first.

We'll be like picking two picks first for baseball. Yeah, like a fantasy draft. Oh, yeah. Where's that? And then Brandon just comes in over the top. Ha! No. Yeah, that was it. We like to grab dicks like this.

You love heads of penises. Do you have enough dick for eight man hands? No. Why did you have to think about that? I mean, we've... Well, it depends on how many fingers are touching. You know, sized me up against everybody in the office other than Zah, which we will get to later. Oh.

But I think I got Zah beaten height. No offense, Zah. I'm also sure. I mean, you can have my chair all day. I can't hear him if he's... You can have his chair beaten height. No offense, Zod. I'm also short. I can't hear him if he's... You can have his chair all day. That's a great way to start explaining how big your dick is. No, I'm saying like... It's typically...

It's like Shaquille O'Neal has very long arms because he's very tall. Do you know what I'm getting at? Do you think that correlates to dick? Yeah, I think so. So you have long arms? Yeah, fucking long ass arms. So you have a huge dick. That's your leg. I know. I'm getting at? Do you think that correlates to dick? Yeah, I think so. So you have long arms? Yeah, fucking long ass arms. So you have a huge dick.

That's your leg. I know. I'm big feet. That's like common. I got big feet. I got a size 12 feet. Let's just see your dick, dude. Do I gotta just whip it out?

Yeah, let's just see it. Helicopter it. Back to the camera, but we just all get to see it. If you can. Or just one nut to get an idea. Yeah, you can. There was this kid I played college baseball with. Uh-oh.

He was about my height. A little taller, 5'8", 5'9". Did he have big nuts? He had a nut that was literally this size. What's he doing at the end of October? We would literally, not even in a weird way, we'd just be like, yo, you got to show them. For legit research purposes, it was the size of a grade-A ducat.

You don't know my boy Pat. You don't know my boy Pat. You don't know my boy Pat. You don't know Ruiz or Power Pat. I mean, if you went ahead there with Ruiz. We're doing a nut-off the 28th night. We have multiple people who have massive nuts. Who has got massive nuts? My boy Pat.

My boy Ruiz. Pat's got big nuts. One big nut. Ruiz is the one A of big nuts. Yeah, that's what it was for my buddy, too. It was just one. It's filled with fluid. And he had to get it drained here and there, but it was not a health risk or anything.

Pat's never gotten it drained. It keeps growing. Badass. How do you function like that? Okay, so they're basically both on PEDs, and they have a growth on their nuts. Ruiz is all natural? Ruiz is not only big, but dense. That's not natural.

Put it on a scale. It's fucking dense. It's like cutting into liver. It's fucking real dense. Pat has give. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like a spaldine. It's like turmeric.

It's turmeric. Okay. Yeah. You guys want to see the most broken ankle of all time? Yes. Yes, I do now. Do it. This isn't even a broken ankle.

You pull up my tweets and replies. I replied to someone. Brace yourself. Is it a video or just a picture? Rowan's bad at this kind of stuff. Rowan, you have to replies. I replied to someone. Brace yourself. Is it a video or just a picture? Rowan's bad at this kind of stuff. Rowan, you have to watch. You have to look. You have to look, Rowan.

I can't see this. Rowan, you have to look. All right, fine, fine, fine. It's not as... It's not that bad. You'll be fine. Weird alert. It's like a sprained ankle.

Everyone, Jason Kendall slid into first. His ankle popped out of his cleat. Yeah. Me too. He was fast for a catcher, though. Ooh. See, that's... Holy shit.

It's not a softball. That's like he was... That's not a spring. Take it off, take it off, take it off. It's not a softball injury. His foot is off of his leg. Two o'clock. 1.45? What off of his leg. 2 o'clock. 145?

What? Oh, no. What are you going to do? Dave, grab a seat, Dave. Dave's hosting. Here we go. Come on, Dave. You're out, big cut?

Yep. God damn it. God damn it. It's like he's trying to defuse a bomb in Fallujah or something, not playing 12-inch softball. I don't know if that's a real picture. You bring up fallujah a lot i haven't brought up fallujah all day it was like daily but it's the greatest battle of

our time though it's the greatest modern battle what's 12 inch softball what do you mean it's regular softball right yes oh we have 16 inches you got a big difference yeah they're like basketballs greatest battle my favorite is the 100th Second War between Newfoundland and Spain. Oh, no shit. When was that? That was a good battle. When did that go down? What sets that apart?

A while ago. Oh, it's not recent. Why is that such a great battle? I didn't know we had hitters in Newfoundland. We have a bunch. We do? I would have been necking them much earlier if I knew that. Yeah, I mentioned them once, and a bunch of people were like,

fuck yeah, Newfoundland represent NL. It's a bunch of hitters. I guess there's a historic dispute over how to pronounce it. Some say Newfoundland. Can we get a Newfoundland flag for the studio? Let's go. Can one of the hitters send in a flag? Some Newfies.

That's what they call people from out there. Newfies. Super friendly, but they're also all like 6'7". Are they tall? Oh, yeah. They breed them tall out in Newfoundies. That's what they call people from out there. Newfies. Super friendly, but they're also all like 6'7". They tall? Really? Oh, yeah. They breed them tall out in Newfoundland. Those are like descendants of the Vikings, right?

We should go scuzz it up up there. I would love to. I got to get my passport. Me too. Haven't caught on that yet. Fuck. But you could probably sneak into Newfoundland. If we just border hopped up to Newfoundland

out of like Maine or something like that. Nah, it's not connected. No, that's what I'm saying. We hop on a boat from Maine. Yeah, it's not like they got guards up there, right? Yeah, it's like

we're like coyotes kind of. Yeah. Alright. Yeah, exactly. I want to go real bad. It looks awesome. Yeah. It looks sick.

I think you can just go and like walk into a stranger's house and they'll just have you. I actually watched this documentary. I think it took place in Newfoundland. It's called Treasure of Skull Island.

It's this little small ass. Pop on these headphones, Dave. Where were they? Right here, right here. Please do. Jason Momoa fucked around there for a while. In Newfoundland? Yeah.

No way. Was he filming something? Yeah, Frontier. That fur trapping show. Shut up. He fell in love with it. Yeah, it's beautiful out there, I heard. Did he buy land? Yeah, Frontier. That fur trapping show. Shut up. I didn't know he had a show. He fell in love with it. Yeah, it's beautiful out there, I heard. Did he buy land?

I think he bought land. That's a great fur trade up there. That's a good investment. Ron, you bought land? Yeah, actually, my buddy's surveying it today. 17 acres? 17 acres in central Pennsylvania. Happy for you.

Yeah, it's fucking... For what? Just to have it? Just to get some land. I love land. Yeah, it's like 15 grand for love land it's just like 15 grand for a little bit of land it's 15 grand for 17 acres yeah that's a nice deal right that's amazing it's right on the creek oh that's beautiful yeah it's right on the creek

whooped up yeah like a creek yeah but it's like in central pennsylvania they call it a creek though oh do they okay you got to try saying it. Crick. Isn't that nice? Flows off your tongue. I've heard you, like, during Survivor, and overnight I heard you, like, saying that over and over. Crick? Yeah.

Just over and over. Is this during the sleepwalking episode? Yeah, loud. Loud. Yeah. Screaming it. Why are you screaming crick? Right off your tongue. Ask him.

I don't know. It was like... I'm sure... Was that during the sleepwalking? No, it was like you went. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I don't know if we can speak about that on there.

I'm picking up what you're laying down there. Yeah, you are. Did it quickly, too. I mean, it took a second. These guys are always trying to fucking trick you. Exactly. I've never tried to trick him. Never will.

It's not that you haven't tried, and I don't even know if that's true. No, they try to trick you every day. We have a good time every time we hang out. Yeah, that's true. That is very true. But it's just like you always seem like you're up to something. Why? It's just that general error.

It might be an issue with you, not him. Oh, I definitely have trust issues. Look, I just had to give the fuck you button to someone calling me. I don't trust that call. Yeah, what's the... Well, you're also working on the show. What's the trust issue about? I don't know.

It was a scam. I trust Nick. Why do you say that? Why should I trust him? Sass, do you trust Nick? I do. Owen, do you trust Nick? Of course.

Do I trust Roan, though? Kyle? That's a whole other question. My wife's life. I don't know. Nick's probably the most trustworthy guy here. KB's going to let me babysit his stepdaughter. My natural daughter.

That's trustworthy. One of these days, We're in this together I watched the boys get inked yesterday Owen and Nick Yeah we did They actually went through with that You guys called us out Everybody's

Everybody's like prophecy Was fulfilled yesterday KB didn't work out Owen had a mute I worked out In the morning Just not my second Recovery Recovery Sass did you work out yesterday? KB didn't work out. Owen had a mute. I worked out in the morning, just not my second. Recovery.

Recovery. Zass, did you work out yesterday? Yeah, Owen's tattoo artist did not say a word from the moment he walked in until it was over. It was impressive. He drew full designs

and got answers and feedback all with just either nods or gestures. That's so fire. Yeah. He doesn't have to talk to anybody. KB was obsessed with him. I thought he was cool.

He thought it was the coolest thing ever. He should stop, yeah, the less you could talk, the cooler you are. You can carry out a job like that

without uttering a word then yeah, cool. I wonder if he like weaned it down to one syllables and eventually got off words or if he was just

naturally like, just quit words. He went cold turkey. Cold turkey with words. He just quit words all together. Damn bro, just quit words. Cold turkey with words. Just quit words all together. Damn, bro. You quit drinking and you still spend no time in recovery. That's tough.

That's real. That's real. That's fucking real. I need to fucking feel sober with you guys. I'm going to get addicted to Kratom. Are you? Yeah. Wait, doesn't that get you super fucked up?

Not really. No? It's like the CBD of... It's like a warm opioid-like feeling. It's like the CBD of opioids. Yeah, of harder drugs. Yeah. That sounds awesome.

It's an opioid that you buy at, like, gas stations. Yeah. Right? Is it expensive? I mean, realistically, I feel like we'll probably have a Kratom sponsor within a month. They're kind of taking over the podcast industry. Are they? Oh, yeah.

Every podcast I listen to, they have Kratom sponsors. Like which ones? Drop some pods. No. Never. I never cross promote, brother. You should know that about me. You passed the test.

Passed the vibe check. Congratulations. What's the vibes like in the office? Any turmoil? Yeah, what are you seeing? Our office or this office Passed the vibe check. Congratulations. What's the vibes like in the office? Any turmoil? Yeah, what are you seeing? Our office or this office? In the Chicago office. Ah, everything's good right now, I think.

How is the transition to having a girl? Oh, she's only been in there for like two hours one day. Oh, like Rico. Yeah. Yeah, like Rico. I guess. I don't know what Rico's schedule is. Damn, you sound like a scowl.

Me? I'm not a scowl. No, he does. Yeah, I know. I don't know what Rico's schedule is. Damn, you sound like a scowl. Me? I'm not a scowl. No, he does. Yeah, I know. Brandon definitely does. No, I was just getting a reference point. What woman's in your office? Sidney Wells.

Moving to Chicago. Which, honestly, real talk, everything aside, I think it's awesome because none of us do the same shit, so she's going to take us out hunting and killing ducks and shit. We've never done that. If you're going to do outdoors, you need to be in Chicago. Yeah. Best city for outdoors. Take us elsewhere.

There's good hunting in central Illinois. Illinois is very redneck. Like, there's Chicago and then all the rednecks. Yeah. How's Tom Lai? Tom's good. Tom's good. How's Danny?

Danny's good. I almost got in a fist fight with Danny yesterday. Fuck yeah. I told him I was going to put his head through one of How's Danny? Danny's good. I almost got in a fist fight with Danny yesterday. Fuck yeah. I told him I was going to put his head through one of the plate glass windows in our studio. I see. It was like we were going there. It sounds fun. Yeah.

But I apologize to him. What did he say back? We need more of that happening here. So there's construction going on behind our office, which is where our parking lot is. They're repaving the alley. And so I couldn't park there. I had to pay for street parking. It's two hours max. construction going on behind our office, which is where our parking lot is. They were repaving the alley. So I couldn't park there. I had to pay for street parking.

It was two hours max. So I got the notification on my phone. We were in the middle of recording an interview, and so I'm like, I got to move my car because I got so many parking tickets I'd get booted, and I didn't want to deal with it. So I left the studio real quick. I'm like, Danny, can you move my car? And he goes, I'm not your fucking chauffeur. And I just snapped.

I went batshit on him. Yeah? Yeah. He was going batshit back at me, too. Is he? Is he like, we need that. That would happen here, but it would be, like, so staged. It was not staged.

We were screaming at each other. As soon as it ended, everyone would, like, look at the cameras and be like, you guys get that? He called me a fucking pussy, and then I go, if you want to do this the right way, I'll put your head through that plate glass window right now. Oh, that's awesome. When was the last time you brawled out? Brawled out? Actually, like three years ago, I got jumped outside a White Sox game. No way.

By some White Sox fans? Yeah. That sounds so White Sox. White Sox Dave got jumped by White Sox fans. No, I mean, so I'm not from the South Side, and there's like a faction of White Sox fans that live their entire lives like blocks from the stadium and from Sox Park. And if you're not from the area, they do not let you in or do not want you in.

They don't want you in the fan base? Yeah, they didn't want me there, and they circled me up, so I hit one of them, and they all just jumped on top and whooped my ass. How many? How many boys? Five. The younger teen boys? Five.

Girls? Girls? There's no girls there. Funny enough. You had to have instigated something. No, I didn't. You were just walking, and they just circled up on you? Randomly, some stoolie, he was a starting catcher at Louisville, was at the bar that night, and the next week, he made a sick play and was on the top ten.

He was the only one there, and he was like peeling people off for me. Shut up. It was pretty funny, yeah. You got flanked. Yeah, I got flanked. And then you threw the first punch. It was like the Battle of the Bulge. Like they went around.

Or like Fallujah. Or Fallujah, yeah. That was your chance. I could have said it there too. Why did you throw a punch? I wanted to get one in before I knew they were going to just wail on me. I like that. Did you connect?

Yeah, right in the face. His nose is all bloody. I got him a few times. Oh, you busted his nose? That's a big dub. Do you think they were really going to fight you? Actually, you know when this was? It was the night I did the 999 challenge.

It was that exact night. Wait, what's the third nine? Oh, yeah, what's the third nine? Nine innings, nine beers. So you were shit-faced. I wasn't, like, completely drunk off my ass. But nine stadium beers is, like, a lot of beer. They were standard 12-ounce?

Yeah, it was, like, yeah. Standard 12-ounce beers. I wasn't, like... You have good fists. What's that? You have good fists. Yeah. You should get a rough and rowdy.

No, I don't do that. I'm over fist yeah you should get a rough rowdy no i don't do that i'm over 30 i throw a law i thought you said you're over 30 i'm over 30 i can't do physical stuff anymore when you get jumped by five people does that mean like you got jumped by yeah you got jumped by five people does that mean that you're oh and five now or do you think that's a good question is that one that is right he's got six times because that's not a fair loss it's a tie for i got to the office the next morning at my own job and i had to you know oh i fell down the stairs i had to like bullshit my face was all bloody and fucked up he did say bloodied one up he got one so i got one i got four i got one one and four okay you're built like a tenured home city ICE employee. What's that?

The people who stock the fridges with ICE. Yeah. I don't know if you guys have heard this before. You know, like, in high school when you're graduating, you're picking a college, trying to find a career path, all that? No. You go to the guidance counselor, and they have, like, those tests that you answer, like, 50 questions. And it kind of directs you. the guidance counselor and they have like those tests that you answer like 50 questions and it what do you like to you yeah like what you can like what you'd be good at and what it it says what you potentially should like you know what i'm talking about yeah what did you get i i took

one of those and guess what the number one answer was like this is what you should be for your career white talks bloggers a chimney sweep i swear tos bloggers. A chimney sweep. No way. I swear to Christ, number one was a chimney sweep, and I'm like. We had a whole episode on chimneys yesterday. Did we really? Two days ago. You didn't know that? What kind of questions?

How is there a 50-question quiz that a chimney sweep is one of the results? Dude, you dodged a massive bullet because chimney sweeps get a lot of scrotal cancer. The questions are like, do they really? They would always get scrotal cancer. There was like an epidemic among chimney sweeps because the folds of their scrotum would get soot in them. I believe it. Dude, and that could have been you. You dodged a bullet.

Thank Christ that. Thank God for Dave, man. Dave saved your life, literally. There was 50 questions and you landed on chimney sweep. Dave saved your life, literally. There was 50 questions and you landed on chimney sweep. I didn't land on it. That's what the test told me. Where all the questions were like,

do you like to sweep chimneys? Do you dislike or are you indifferent about chimneys? One to ten. What about sweeping? Thoughts on soot? Can you get your hands dirty? Stuff like that. I mean, did you admire Santa Claus

for things other than his present giving? What the fuck? Yeah, so I was making a beeline to be in a professional chimney sweep for 50 or 60 years. Oh, and you took him up on it. So not only did they suggest that, that was my major. This is my college. This is my vocation. I went to college for it.

For chimneys? Okay, no. To be a chimney sweep? No, I'm joking. Yeah. I don't know where the joke started, where it ended. I don't know where it started. I don't know where it started.

Where'd the joke start? This is not a joke. The whole thing? The whole thing was a joke. He knew we talked about chimney sweeps. I swear to Christ. He always fucks with us, dude. We got a lot of stuff for you.

That's why I don't fucking trust him. We're the only fucking people in America talking about chimney sweeps. You're always trying to get me. Always trying to fuck people over. You are always trying to get me. No, dude. What was that fucking last bit about to Brandon Walker then about going to college for it? You're always trying to get meat. No, dude. What was that fucking last bit about to Brandon Walker then about going to college for it?

You're always trying to fuck over Brandon. Brandon's easy. He's an easy target. That's fair, yeah. Fine. I do like fucking with Brandon. Shut up. We do too.

Yeah. It's kind of a... Jay, I like this question. If you were a movie star, what celebrity would you love to do a bedroom scene with? Is that just who we'd want to fuck, Che? Is that what you're asking? No, but there's like intimacy directors in bedroom scenes.

What? Is this because of the Gyllenhaal story? What the fuck did you just say, Owen? I don't know who he said. Owen, I'll throw you right through that glass window. Oh, fuck. There it is. He said Che's wife. I'll take her, fuck. There it is. He said he'd take He said Shay's wife.

I'll take her, too. Good luck throwing two. What if you guys jump Steve and Shay after this? Squeeze your eyes out. That'd be hard to do. Oh, man.

That's a fucking loaded question, Shay. All right. Are we ready, boys? Who would you pick, Dave? Jenny Finch. I met Jenny Finch. Okay. She's probably... How tall are you, Morris? Who would you pick, Dave? Jenny Finch. I met Jenny Finch. Okay.

She's probably, how tall are you, Brandon? I'm 6'5". Okay, I would guess she's 6'2", 6'3". She is super tall, but she's awesome. Actually, like, really cool. Who's your celebrity crush athlete? Fernandez, Julie Fernandez. I remember at one point when I was younger,

I had Anna Kournikova as my like computer backs cliche yeah it's too easy yeah Sean Johnson Kournikova's back

was a little little strong was it you didn't notice that you never noticed Kournikova's back I don't think so Anna Kournikova had a

here's Dan do we want to play family feud for the seat back I'll play for my seat back were you up You never noticed Kournikova's back? I don't think so. I can't say no. Kournikova had a... Here's Dan. Do we want to play Family Feud for the seat back? Yeah, I'll play for my seat back. Were you up to play? You know. No, I was... I forgot. I had an interview.

I thought it was at 2. It was 1.45. With Tyson Fury. Only had 10 minutes. Fucking awesome, dude. He's a hero. Yeah, he's a fucking man. He's in the worst shape of any great athlete ever.

Even more so than Butterbean. Yes, yes. I saw Butterbean. He's got the last sides. any great athlete ever. Even more so than Butterbean. Yes. I saw Butterbean last sides. That fight Saturday night? Saturday night. And the whole undercard is heavyweights. Oh, no shit. Very excited. Bunch of big dudes beating the shit out of each other. Just smashing each other. He's the love handle god. Yeah, you guys want to

come over and watch the fights? Yes. Please do. Let's do it. For real? I'll make dip. Done. Cool. Can Steven break his cocaine shed? Yes. Steve, bring your cocaine shed over.

Uh-oh. I have some bad news about that. You're blocking out of the shot. Did it die in the flood? It was damaged in the flood. It's still standing, yeah. Still standing, but there could be mold there. I don't want to be sniffing mold. Damn. It died in the shed? In the flood. It's still standing, yeah. Still standing, but there could be mold there. It did? I don't want to be sniffing mold.

I'm going to go candy lose. Damn. It died in the shed. In the flood. Bro, you're really killing my air time here. This is like a really artistic shot. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

Oh, damn. Wasn't a great flight. That was bad. All right, are we ready for tomorrow I don't know if we are So You gotta be ready Clowns are a go

They go They're coming They try to cancel the clowns Okay does everybody know the ingredients You can't cancel Does everybody know the assignment What is the assignment I forget

What is the assignment T-O-M T-O-M And then a random Variable A miscellaneous A miscellaneous I just want to shout out my Taz sweatshirt.

Oh, what the fuck I didn't even realize. You see that? We got him coming. Taz Tober's about to get insane for me and KB. I'm pumped. Look at that.

Can we get some yak tats? See that? The yak tats that we put out yesterday actually looked fucking sick. I don't know. Are you allowed to do I think

No, probably not. I mean, we could probably have it up for like an hour. You guys all get your flu shots? No, it's upstairs. I'm considering. My arm hurts. Flu think? No, probably not. I mean, we could probably have it up for like an hour. Yeah. You guys all get your flu shots? No, it's upstairs. I'm considering. Yeah, my arm hurts. Flu shots?

Yeah, flu shots. Yeah, I'm definitely not getting that shit. Why? I'm definitely not getting that shit. Why? One vaccine a year is enough for me. I haven't done my research yet, brother. Oh, I got my research.

Every time I get the flu shot, I get the flu. What? Yeah. That's happened every time? Yeah. How many times? Once. No, I'll get the flu shot, I guess.

All right, fine. Have some conviction. But I'm not getting the COVID shot. Just kidding. I already got it. Two times. Look at that. That's a cool shot.

You get the booster, Big Cat? I got Johnson & Johnson. I do not feel good about the future of Johnson & Johnson. No, neither do I. I was like, when is the booster got Johnson & Johnson. I do not feel good about the future of Johnson & Johnson. No, neither do I. Talking to the guy upstairs. I was like, when is the booster for Johnson & Johnson? He's like, they're not even making one. I was like, what do you mean?

He's like, well, they're probably going to get rid of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine soon. I was like, okay, cool. That makes me feel good. Jesus Christ. That's in your body. Pulsing through your veins. What are the rules for tomorrow? Alright

How are we getting the We're bobbing for the draft order We're bobbing for the draft order The show's at 12 by the way The show's at 12 The only thing I need out of you gentlemen Is to bring your ingredients A T, an O, an M, and a miscellaneous

You're handling everything else? The ice cream master? You're handling it? I'm not but that's what We don't have to worry about the I'll handle ice cream and bobbing for apples, and you guys figure out the clown. Somebody's got to bring bowls and a mixing thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If someone cancels... Who's bringing cigarettes for Tommy? I will. Bring the cigarettes. I already have someone. What's Tommy's? Is it Camel Crush's?

Whatever. He's a Marb Red guy. Dave, Tommy's 11. Is that fine for a first cigarette? Yeah. Marb Red. Yeah, I think so, too. I was smoking cigs when I was 11. Are you positive it'd be his cigarette? Yeah. Yeah, I think so too. I was smoking six when I was 11.

Are you positive it'd be his first? No. I'm relatively certain, yes. You can never be too sure. But what about lighter? I'm relatively certain.

Not lighter. Because remember when he came over to my house? He loves lighters, yeah. We went to... Should we get him a pack of lighters?

Wait, he's in the pyro stage right now? He probably has lighter. He's into bombs. Let's get him a Zippo. Yeah, let's get him one of the long ones for a grill. Oh, we have all those. He gets to light the Let's get him a Zippo. Yeah, let's get him one of the long ones for a grill.

We have all of those. He gets to light the grill. He has a Zippo? What about a small controlled fire? We could do that. A chiminea. Again, we're getting away

from a gun lighter. But what if we get a small controlled? I don't think you're supposed to. Let me say this a little bit slower. What if we get

one of those boxes where you can shoot gun? You can shoot into it inside. Oh, yeah. Like an indoor shooting range. What about controlled fire? So we control it. Where would the smoke go?

It's not out of control. Where's the smoke going? That's what that's for. Kyle, we'll have it in the fire we tried. What? When we had an indoor fire and then we looked it up, it's very dangerous. Yeah, we could all die. Well, you guys probably had an uncontrolled one.

Yeah, that's uncontrolled. It was controlled. You guys have a controlled fire. I want some cool pyrotechnics. Yeah, maybe a little, maybe a bowl, a metal bowl with some toilet paper and we light it on fire. This will be like a classic guys, it'll be like a guys day for Tommy. We'll have Playboy magazines laid out. We'll get the clown stripper.

Some whiskey clown stripper. Yeah, some cigs. Guns. Fire. You'd love that. Yeah, that's what we're going to do. We'll talk about the international gold standard and the shit that he's into. Yeah.

Well, it's more about Nixon taking us off the gold standard. He's not really international market on that. Should I bring my car so Tommy can drive it? Yeah. He probably should be. Yeah. But we'll get him a car. Get him nice and clean. We'll get him a little tipsy.

Bring him the rain. Well, you want to do a hide-off with my 11-year-old? I would love to. Hide-off? Oh, you think you can beat him? Oh, yeah. Tommy just hit a growth spurt.

I think it'll be tight. Really? Oh, yeah. I think I have him. Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva!

Viva! Viva! Is Tommy barren-ing Viva! Viva! Viva! Is Tommy barren-ing? Is he what? No, he's not barren-ing yet. He's gonna barren, but he's not barren-ing yet. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. What's barren-ing? Come on.

It's when you grow, like, nine feet tall. Okay, alright. Last time I saw... What would Tommy sound like if he did barren? It looks like you're doing a set. Like that. Oh, shit. Fuck.

Like that height. I'm gonna be right back. Go to the other camera. Go to the other camera. Go to the other camera. Oh, shit. Fuck. Like that height. We'll be right back. Go to the other camera. No, no, no. Sass! Sass! Fucking face fucking him. Oh, my God.

That was awesome. It's really high up here. Yeah. Don't jump. How long are we going to go? Yeah, we should end the show. So, say it again. What's the rules up here. Yeah. Don't jump. How long are we going to go? Yeah, we should end the show. So, I would say it again. What's the rules? Tomorrow at noon.

A T, an O, an M, and a variable. 12 to 2. Two-hour show tomorrow. 12 to 2. Two-hour show. Probably clowns. Good luck to White Sox. Dave in the White Sox.

Sox Clover. Officially go buy a shirt. Go buy a sweatshirt. Live stream starts at 4 o'clock today. Yep. Jersey Jerry will be there. Marty Mush will be there Chuck, Zah I think Big T might be there

I don't think Zah knows that Zah's going to be there Zah's coming right? I'm in Dallas I'll be there Sunday I'm there today Fuck this guys, I don't fucking love this anymore Are you sure you can get down?

I don't know if I can do it. You want to trust fall into me? I don't know if I can do this shit anymore. Yeah, we should do that. Let's just have him trust fall. Ever since Bailey Carlin left, no one's told me it's okay to not be okay. Let's do a trust fall right here. It's not.

It's not anymore. Nate did a trust fall with me the other day when I was walking by him. He just goes, trust fall, and I just kept on walking, and he hurt himself. And I was like, what did you think I was gonna do Well yeah Well you're untrustworthy then Well I I don't wanna be considered

A trustworthy person for Nate Cause then he's gonna Like if he trusts me Then I'm gonna Yeah Then I'm gonna have to do stuff There's nothing worse than doing stuff Go download Crack Chases

I hate doing stuff Agreed Doing stuff sucks Alright so What else guys Oh you're good at this God damn I'm the king of New York Doing stuff sucks. All right, so what else, guys? Oh, you're good at this. God damn.

I'm the king of New York, but I hate it here. Oh, he's good. He's good. You ever think how we should just kill all the homeless people? Now, that was your first time, but you can re-watch that on YouTube. Sass, I'm going to give you a compliment. You not only have the biggest balls in this room for doing stand-up, but you've gotten considerably better at rolling with jokes. Yes.

That's so true. No, I'm just saying you won't. Wait a minute. See, the problem is you're so emotionally stunted, and I'm so emotionally stunted, this is the only time I'll give you a compliment, and you won't accept it. Wait a minute.

Is this life? Did he just experience life? Oh, no. Our cycles are not matched up right now, so we can't actually be emotional with each other. No, I don't get emotional. But I'm showing you emotional vulnerability, and you are blocking me on it. Stonewall. Yeah, I'm stonewalling you. Okay, that's fair. That's I don't get emotional. But I'm showing you emotional vulnerability and you are

locking me on. Stonewall. Yeah, I'm stonewalling you. Okay, that's fair. That's fine. I respect that. Alright. Good show?

Yeah, tomorrow. Good show? Alright, tomorrow. It's the act. Outro Music