The Yak - Titus and Cheah are the Beet Gang Brothers | The Yak 12-18-23

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. Hello. There he is. There he is. It's the Yak. Roback.com. Promo code Yak.

20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. I've lost my voice. I'm only going to be here for about 10 minutes today Because I think I should probably try to shut it down And then come back strong tomorrow Absolutely

I'll just wait until Nick gets here And Titus gets here I also have a big announcement You got a gift? I got a gift for Kyle I know I got a gift for Kyle That would know. I got a gift for Kyle. That would be perfect in the cat room.

Be perfect in the cat room. Perfect. Oh, Nick, you see, I'm giving him a gift. Oh, there's a cat on it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So this is Brandon. You were out.

This is the fourth straight day I've given him this gift because he refuses to take it out of the studio. So here's the gift. Oh, Titus, look. I'm giving him a gift because he refuses to take it out of the studio. So here's the gift. Oh, Titus, look. I'm giving him a gift. Oh, awesome. I deserve this to be exposed for the type of person I am. Oh, I really appreciate it.

So just put it right back here, and I'll pick it up after. I'm putting it in my pants. You think that will stop? I will forget it again. Wait, it's going to break, dude. Yeah, it's going to break. Despite how much I want it. I'm going to leave it again. It's going to break, dude. Yeah, it's going to break. Despite how much I want it. I'm going to leave it there.

See, I was saying, Titus and Nick, I've lost my voice. Wow. I'm not sick. Yeah, you need the week off. Not sick. I just don't sleep. Yeah, you need to take the whole day off. I might just hang.

Well, no, I have to do a three-point contest after this. Don't talk. It never stops. But I might just hang out and listen to you guys yak. Would that be? Oh. I do it about every show. Should we do?

Yeah, it's easy. Wait. Well, no, now people are going to get mad at me if I propose this. I was going to say we could do. You going to do a surrogate? No, swapsies. Steven could come sit in here. I could sit in the booth. I wouldn't mind. Just do it. But Steven in here?

It would suck, but whatever. Does he take on your role in the show? No, I think Brandon moves down one. You're going to give him that power. Nick moves down one. I'm asking before we agree to this. Should we wheel for your seat? Or no, keep my seat open put steven on the end okay he can't feel like he has that would be bad i kind of want him to have that i

don't i do all right i'm down for chater on it all right so i'll go sit in the booth so i'll be here i can chime in when i have the ability to speak is that i miss you boys i don't know yeah yeah also mook and i are officially retired as a gambling duo. The worst. What a colossal failure. I think we figured it out. We had how many touchdowns? 15 touchdown scores in the course of?

I think we're at 12 now. 12 and we've hit one. We've hit one. Is Mook, is it considered gambling for Mook if it's not his money? No, I've lost a lot of money on Mook. Yeah. He's acting like he lost. Yeah, Mook's acting like he's just going to make his tits. I feel terrible.

Let me give Mook some credit, though. When I gamble with someone and I'm bankrolling, all I want for them to do is give me the, like, damn. Yeah. He did a great job at that. He matched my energy. He's been doing it all day. Yeah.

Yeah. He matched my energy through and through. I said it was like war, and you were like, couldn't be war if you didn't even get on the board. Yeah. You didn't shoot anybody. Well, I was in war. You were playing Call of Duty. Yeah, fair.

Or I jumped out of the plane, and my parachute didn't even deploy. Yeah. Just an automatic death. But I appreciated your tone, because the last thing I would want is for you to be like, well, that was a fun day. Why did- Yeah. You were good.

Yeah. Couldn't fake that. Oh, I was just fun day. Why did – Yeah. You were good. Yeah. Couldn't fake that. Oh, I was just wondering why Shay came through that door. That was weird. Right over here. Why did you go around? I wanted to go tell Connor to cut clips. Oh, okay.

Okay, that makes sense. Wait, I can cut clips? Yeah, cut clips. Can I cut clips? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, that would be awesome. Yeah, let me cut clips.

You know how to cut clips? This is gonna be great Oh my god Kyle what's like the best gift you've ever gotten then? Like what's like something you were really amped up to get? Um A lot I've gotten a lot of great gifts

I like your shoes a lot Thank you My mom would bless me every Christmas She'd bless you? on a lot of great gifts. I like your shoes a lot. Thank you. My mom would bless me every Christmas. She'd bless you? Yeah, I got some great gifts. I'm hard to buy for. I was a bitch one Christmas morning. Oh, yeah. What was it?

I wanted a chrome Mongoose bike. I believe it was called the Mongoose Talon Pro. Sure. I got a chair. What kind of chair? Gaming chair. Like the rock of chair? Gaming chair. Like the rocker one? Not quite.

It kind of had some safety on it. Just the one that sits raw on the floor? It sits raw on the floor, but it doesn't rock back. It's not great. A lot of chairs sit on the floor. No, not like that. No, I would say most chairs don't sit on the floor. Most chairs don't sit on the floor?

No legs on this one. Where do you put it? It was legless. Oh, yeah, legless. Most chairs have legs. But the legs are part of the chair. And in turn, the chair is on the floor. Most chairs don't sit on the floor? No legs on this. Where do you put... It was legless. Oh, yeah, legless. Right. Most chairs have legs. But the legs are part of the chair. And in turn, the chair's on the floor. No, but I would say when I say sit on the floor, I mean ass

on the floor. Oh, well, no. But it's on the chair. No, no, no. If I was sitting on a pillow, I wouldn't say my ass is on the floor. No, no, no. I think the disconnect here is I'm saying... Yeah, but it didn't right there. That raw.

That red. Everyone had this chair. That's raw on the floor. The chair you're in is raw on the floor. No base. No, there's support here. There's support here. Support there. If you had that chair, you didn't fuck until senior year of high school.

I don't think you fucked until senior year of high school. That's true for me. Probably college, actually. Did anybody fuck before their senior year of high school? I didn't, no. That'd be crazy. Che? Che. Hey, Che. When'd you lose V?

Sophomore year of college? Definitely not high school. I didn't even touch a boob in high school. I touched a boob. In high school? One? Both? Both. Well, I wasn't just going to do one. Sometimes you get a honk, you're out. One honk and you're out?

You know the rules. That's, no. You know the rules. This is already paying off. As an Asian, I'm sure you're used to getting a lot of honks. All the time, dude. Terrible driver. Stereotype, unfortunately, is true.

I don't think so. it might just be you no i mean i've been in the car a lot of asian people it's usually pretty bad how many asian people you've been riding with dozens that makes sense actually have you ever had an asian pilot oh it's worse than having a woman. Not that I can recall. I did have a woman pilot once who was very attractive. Was it her being the pilot that was attractive? No. I used to work at an airport in college where we would service planes that flew in. I would do the baggage.

I would take the bags out and put them on the... And there was one woman pilot that we all loved, and she would fly in about once a month, and it was such a big event when she would fly in. God, she was hot. Called her homewrecker because all the married guys said if she gave them a look, it would be over. Just a look.

Yeah. But I wasn't. But was part of it that she was a pilot? Certainly, yeah. I would think so. Like, she was hot for a pilot. Pilots are typically hot. So many pilots are old, though.

Yeah. There's a lot of old pilots. But there's like a... There's pilot, hot pilot influencers. Yeah. Like chiropractors, almost. Are you confusing them with other people? Huh.

Fuck, I lost it. No, you raised a I lost it flight attendants no flight attendants are not hot anymore they're not all the hot flight attendants their genes their line became dental hygienists facts why is that so fucking true they're the flight attendant of the mouth

it's yeah I think most pilots are attractive men right Why is that so fucking true? Yeah, they're the flight attendant of the mouth. It's, yeah. I think most pilots are attractive men, right? Yeah. There's a distinction. Skinny. Yeah. But you know what's weird? If I got in a car with a 55 to 60-year-old driver, I'd be like, this is lame.

But if I got in a plane and there's a very experienced pilot who's 55 or 60, I somehow feel better. Really trust him. Yeah, why? Why do I like an old pilot so much? You want a young Uber driver? I just, I kinda. I know that he'll get me there a little quicker. I think I want a younger Uber driver. I don't want an old Uber driver. I want a younger Uber driver

because they're not going to talk to you. Yeah. The older Uber driver. Oh, yeah. But I want an older pilot. I do too. Trusted. Yeah. I don't want a young-faced pilot. Also, you don't really have to see. To pilot? Yeah. I want a 52-year-old. I do too. Trusted. Yeah. I don't want a young face pilot. Also, you don't really have to see. To pilot? Yeah. I want a 52-year-old in both.

You want to split the difference. 52, both of them. You don't want a 52. That's probably a great age. If you had to choose an age for somebody that would transport you everywhere. 52. 52. 52.

I go younger. I think I go 39. Nah, he'd try to be a hotshot pilot. You think 39 is still a hotshot? I think 29. No, 39 is still a hotshot pilot. That think I go 39. Nah, he tried to be a hotshot pilot. You think 39 is still a hotshot? I think 29. No, 39 is still a hotshot pilot. That might be their prime. Are there 29-year-old pilots?

Yeah, there's 29-year-old pilots. Really? Certainly, yeah. I would say 27 is the youngest pilot. They're letting people under 30 fly those? I think 27 is the youngest pilot. Not people, right? Not like the...

Not commercial. That's what I'm talking about. I think so. If you're boarding a... I mean, Spirit got to i mean spirit gotta have pilots delta flight you have to work he there's not people younger than 35 cargo planes for a while really yes oh i don't know if i'd like that at all i hate that because you don't i mean we don't know schooling process or what's the training process i imagine you got to spend a lot of years flying smaller yes planes and work your way up to i think it might be you don't think there's prodigies i think it might be generational like you have the right parents or the right grandparents you can

get in yeah you're in the system how come there aren't any like plane schools i guess is that the air force there are that's where the the 9-11 hijackers went oh somewhere in florida but like a college like if you want to be like ice cream person, you go to Penn State. If you want to be a broadcast person, you go to Missoula. I'm sorry, you're going to be an ice cream person? You go to Penn State to be an ice cream person? He's right, yeah. Are you talking about Ben and Jerry? I knew they had the creamery, but I didn't know that was

an actual part of the school. It's like a big ice cream school? Yeah, that's where all the Turkey Hill and all those places hire from. They have a great hospitality program. I think that's part of it. Did you see the dude who hijacked the plane when just to get a thrill ride in before dying the alaska guy this was recently oh no yeah this was like six six months ago i think oh was it yeah wasn't he talking to him and he was like yeah i'm just yeah i'm just doing this did it well yeah is it he's it well. He's regarded as a hero now.

The Sky King? He did a barrel roll? TJ knows. The Sky King, he was like a tarmac worker or something. He just took a plane in the sky, did a couple flips, and then he called in and he was like, yeah, I'm going to crash this. I'm not going to hurt anybody, though. It's like a big dude's rock video.

Wow. They're calling that guy Mohammedhammad not to oh wait that was good give him credit yeah weren't hijackings before 9-11 thought of to just be joy like if you if you heard that a plane was hijacked you did not assume that they were going to kill people on board right like it was for sport yeah it was for like assume that they were going to kill people on board. Right. It was for sport. Yeah. It was for like hostages. They were going to land it somewhere and sell you. Like ask for money.

They would take you as a prisoner for money. Passenger 57. Yeah. That came out in 1992. It was good. It wasn't bad. Some good Wesley Snipes. I'm the only one.

Okay. No, yeah. I don't know is that like speed for the air it was speed for the air but it was before speed remember speed two was just like a it was a boat it was a boat speed speed again but on a boat this time they need to come out with a new speed they need a plane speed but you have to keep it slow enough so you're kind of always you can't go above a certain that'd be be cool. Surely they've had plane speed. You think they've had plane speed? Was Air Force One plane speed?

It wasn't called Speed 3. No, it wasn't, but it's the same. They stopped after two automobile or two modes of transportation. Yeah, there's so many more. The second one was a massive flop, regarded as one of the worst sequels ever. Was Keanu in it? No.

Yes. Wasn't he? No. Wasn't it Jason Patrick? I don't know who that is. Okay, here's the guy in Speed 2? No. Yes. Wasn't he? No. Wasn't it Jason Patrick? I don't know who that is. Okay, here's the guy in Speed 2. Oh. Um.

Oh, this is old. Yeah, you responded. Ah. Nice. Flat circle. Holy shit. Huh. Tell me about, i wasn't here and anytime you're not here and you see on twitter the the phrase all-time yak it immediately makes you sad um how was roll up day

i think it's happened every episode of the yak i've missed i've seen it all time yeah so roll up day was just the greatest day ever um great vibe no it wasn just the greatest day ever? Great vibes. No, it wasn't the greatest day ever or the greatest episode, but I think for the circumstance it went as... Breaking news, breaking news. I've posted a clip. Oh, let's see it. We didn't talk about anything interesting. Probably just TJ will pull that up for us.

Oh, Q-Zips. Hashtag Q-Zips. Pretty good so far. Yeah. Oh, is-Zips. Hashtag Q-Zips. Pretty good so far. Yeah. Oh, is this the clip? Are we getting trolled? Nice. Is that the clip?

Two seconds long. No, I guess internet's not good enough to play clips today. That would be funny, too, if it was this. It pretty much is, right? Yeah. Fuck. Good clip. Great clip, though, if it was this. It pretty much is, right? Yeah. Fuck. Good clip. Great clip, though, Dan.

Damn it. I like how Igor Che looks in the clip. That one should pop off. Two responses already. Shit. It's just classic beat gang right there. Classic who? Beat gang.

Me and Titus. Oh, yeah. There we go. We are the beat gang. Do you like that at all, Titus. Oh, yeah. There we go. We are the Beat Gang. Do you like that at all, Titus? Yeah, I do. I just want to go on record and say, as we're approaching a new year, I'm turning over a new leaf with Che.

And if we are, in fact, the Beat Gang, let's be the Beat Gang, brother. Let's just be the Beat Gang. You told me that hating him was your sole purpose at this point. Yeah, it was. But, you know, new year, new me. I don't know. He can't be beat so what what choice do i have it forced caleb to become ultra successful yeah i guess i could have done that yeah you'll have to move i think it single-handedly did caleb was like i gotta get out of here yeah he's got i gotta find something outside of this place

so let me go launch it's the best thing that ever happened to him. Successful. My New Year's resolution is to be feared. By who? That's a good one. The office. Are you going to start

being an asshole to people? Steven, this is a fucking disaster in your computer. You have 7,000 tabs open. Correct. Can I close a bunch of these? Not the Excel things,

but yes. God damn it. Do you have any NFL Excel tabs? Can we click on some of the tabs? Yeah, can we just... Better believe it. Can we explore some of the Excel tabs? Okay.

My computer isn't up right now. This would be... Oh, I got it. Whose computer is that? TJ's computer's on our screen. Yeah, but whose computer is Big Cat on? Mine. Big Cat, type P-O-R

in the search bar. I need a pork loin recipe. Go ahead. P-O-R? Yeah, anything? No. What? I thought you were... Horny card revoked. U-Porn comes up right away, though.

Ah. That doesn't even sound like a real site. U- sight you poured is that one of the main ones yeah, yeah Is it that's fine? I also take a lot public it might be a rush more of porn sites Really when it's here what other yeah once you're the porn site hub one hub I ought to be XNXX probably yeah that was that was my first up there X videos probably red and then X videos That was my first Up there Probably Red and then X You porn might sneak in top 5 I just knew of the hub Oh you gotta step your game up pal

I could end y'all right now I could do a mic drop Right now Do it Could you name 30 websites in four minutes? Yes. TJ Clark.

30 sites. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. The whole point is I wouldn't do it if I could. What would be the purpose of traveling from site to site? Why don't you just stay on one? Got to change the vibe sometimes. The library is not big enough

some versions are like 30 seconds longer on other websites I'm with Trey on this one just one I don't like the way this is going at all beat gang different kind of beat beat the meat gang

oh that's a thing so the guys that rolled up also rolled up to y'all at the bar? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what point is it too much roll up? Yeah. I called on the roll up. Okay, all right.

Just making sure. It was a bad signal roll up, but yeah, there he is. He's a monster. Big old boy. Barstool, Barstool. Yeah, I consider him a friend now. Yes. Was it still fun to be around him and and and

hang out he's a good dude funny dude nice dude or was it like changing the atmosphere threw something off no it wasn't now he's a good guy that's what made it all time i think for people brandon is that when we said we had strangers coming to the show it could have gone a million different directions and the guy who sat down in your chair yeah especially was very comfortable i'm a brett guy too just because of how how bad he was at sporkle yeah yeah they were opposite ends of the spectrum yeah look at that yeah oh he finished it at 46.71 and his final time was like 5.30. So, oh, I see.

So he did everything out there, all the activities in 46 seconds. Yeah. And then Sporkle was that bad? And then can we pull up Brett's tweet at Big Cat? He was practicing Sporkle. And I don't know if he was trolling us. Was this the one that said, like, in the lab? Yeah.

Yeah. He couldn't name a dog breed then he tweets that lab if infuriating so i went back and looked after y'all did roll up day because i i remember specifically when it came a thing i got like three dms of guys in the west loop saying can i can i be your roll up do we all have same guys? I assume because the two guys that actually showed up were not in my DMs at all. So we have a whole team of guys out there waiting for the call. That's exciting. Yeah. I don't know if that's good or bad.

I think we can get like 100 dudes in here if we wanted. I would love to cram the room. Yeah. What do you think? How many men do you think we could fit in here? I think we could go 40 guys. I think way more. Oh my god, way more. Way more than 40 guys? Yes. A couple hundred.

We can't get 200 guys in the Yak room. You could get a couple hundred. You cannot get 200 guys in this room. Yes, we could. How many across the length of the wall? Are you serious? 20? At least. Who's the most average Are you serious? Um, 20. At least. Who's the most average-sized guy here? White Sox Dave. No.

Um. What? Malasek? Hank? Jake Malasek. Malasek. Yeah. Or Hank. Yeah. We need to, like, let's do math. Hank's right there. You want to grab him? He seems busy. He probably is.

I'm thinking across the wall you can get 20. More. 30. How are they facing? Are they facing this way? Whatever's left just takes it away from that. Are you going to stack them? Just right?

Hank. Big Cat, can we do a room cram? 10 seconds. Can we get? Oh, there's Sean Marion. Yes. Can you just stand in the corner over there? We're trying to measure how many of you

could fit in this room. And then some nerd will see the picture and be able to do the math. Okay. I guess maybe that's not the best. That's the only place we can't see. That's the worst corner. Oh, we could fit a ton of hanks in here. Yes.

You could fit 200 hanks in here. I'm thinking 700. Yeah. No way. I think across here Can you just do it yourself? Can you do a step? Can you? So step your body length. What do you think this is?

We don't know. We've got to figure out how many hanks it is. Three. Three hanks. And he didn't go all the way to the four. Four hanks. So go all the way across and... And the human body's soft. It could...'t go all the way to the... Four Hanks. He could go all the way across and... And the human body's soft. It could... Five Hanks.

Most of the time. How many people are in the office right now? Not near 200. Let's... Yeah, but I think we just need to see... No, can you use the intercom? I don't know. Can you?

May you? Do we have an inter... Is it possible? I heard Stefan doing it. It's the Jerry After Dark voice of God. I don't know. Can you? May you? Do we have an inner? Is it possible? I heard Stefan doing it. It's the Jerry After Dark voice of God. It's in the control room. Control room.

Hank, what are we thinking? How many was that? Brandon said 50 in here? I'm not a math guy. It's like, is room like 20 by 35? I don't know how long you think it is. Brandon, use the innercom. How many hanks was that?

It was like 20. Those 20 hanks? Those 20 just going this way? Yeah. The math doesn't account for being able to contort, squeeze, or like a big T. Right, but we just need the average guy.

Because they'll have to stack above and below. Vertical, yeah. How many hanks would fit on that wall? That's 20 vertical to 20 hanks You said 50 in the whole room. Yeah, you're 950 950 people in here. My guess, 140. I would guess like 120. Way more than that. Pretty skinny. Way more than that. Are we just stuffing?

Yeah. It's a squish party, I thought. I think, I just called out, I think there's probably like eight people here. I don't think anyone's coming down. No, I don't think there's anybody here. There's like maybe eight to 12 people in the building right now. Well, how many people work here? 50 or 60?

No. It's Monday. Yeah, you can't expect these people to be working on Monday. I think they're headed down. I think whoever's up there, there we go. What is our plan here? We got two guys. I was hoping to get in.

This doesn't help at all. Yeah, this is. All right. Any other guys coming? Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm kidding, Mitzi. All we have to do is find the surface area of the room and get one box, one percentage,

and see how many people we can fit in. Oh, we got more guys. Brandon, here we go. Like Aquaman. Everybody just walk in and stand on the carpet. Everybody just come in and stand. Oh, we have so many guys. Diversity, too.

Just come in and stand. Just everybody hang out. Do we have sales people here? How many guys do we have here? We're at 11 outside of us. Mitzi can come in here and stand, huh? Something will happen. He can go behind the TV.

This room about to smell crazy. Ducks. Come stand in the room. How many men do you think could fit in this room? I mean, it got... 92. When I said 920, that was my math. I added an extra zero. Brandon said 50 to fill the room.

Hank said 920. I say 200. It's in the 100. I say about 200. 140. Body to body. Yeah, body to body. 120.

120. Before we even got guys. 400? Yeah. I don't think 400 guys could fit. 400. I's before we even got guys. 400? Yeah. I don't think 400 guys could fit. 400. I agree. 400 is, I like that.

Yeah, I like mid-hundreds. All right, everybody line up on the wall. Everybody line up on the wall. We did 20 hanks across. We should do a last to leave video. Shoulder to shoulder. A really cramp and contort. Really fit yourself in there, guys.

Are we taking the Christmas trees and chairs out? No, we're going across the wall right now. Oh, we can fit so many dudes in here. We should play real life guess who. Split up the fellas. Should we spin the wheel now? Oh, yeah. Have all of them talk. Oh, spin the wheel now? Oh, yeah.

Have all of them talk. Oh, dude, there's so much more room. This is one, two. How many fellas? Get as tight as you guys can. How did we get 20 hanks across the wall? Twelve. Twelve. Yeah, you're trying to squeeze.

They're not even squeezed yet. Squeeze in. Get in here. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. You might as well. This is your big break. Yeah.

All right. Ryan, just get on the wall. Yeah. Just find a spot. Against the wall, though. Oh, my God. All right. So, Rudy. Two, four. Oh, my God. All right, so. Rudy.

2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14. Rudy's 15. Rudy's 15. Rudy's 15? Yeah. Well, plus us. All right, now. But I'm just saying, like, we're just looking at that little sliver of area.

That is the tiniest. It's barely taking up any space. It's already 15. And then we have to go all the way to this wall. Yeah. We got to do a room cram. I think we're going to. We're enclosing on 200.

Well, wait. Hold on. Everybody line up across this. I think it's 900. This is longer. You think it's actually 920? 15, 30, 45. We're already at 920 people.

That's a village. 90. No, no. We'll empty out the room. We're not emptying the room. All right. We'll's a village. 90. No, no, we'll empty out the room. We're not emptying the room. All right, we'll do 300. I want to do a show with the most men imaginable in the room. Yes.

Now, as a collective, order yourselves left to right based on how intelligent you guys think you are. Go ahead. As a group, think. Yeah, I like this exercise. Smartest over there. Smartest on the left. Rudy up down here stepped out the room. I would love to do a surprise room cram episode. Doug immediately went to the back.

Or right to the middle. Everyone's afraid to be the first guy. Ebo, are they just left? Yeah. I guess they don't have to do it. I guess they don't have to do it at all. They got real shit to do. Damn.

No, you're not. Or any other room. Wait, Malasek is being praised as smart? He went to Virginia. That's a great school. Malasek, come on. He's good at manipulating women. Jake, you're wearing khakis.

Malasek, come on. He's good at manipulating women. Jake, you're wearing khakis. Malasek is the smartest. You guys agree? No. He thinks he's the smartest. Evo, come on. You know. I think Conrad's dumber than Rudy. Chaps did get shot.

That was pretty stupid. I wouldn't have done it. Yeah, this might be good. Come on. I can't be calm. I think you just got rubbed off from White Sox Dave. That's fair, but that's still. No, this guy's not the dumbest either.

Ebo's smarter than Jack. Facts. Ebo should be here. Yeah, Ebo, you should be at the front of the line. Come on, buddy. No, you're the smartest Okay Now they have to all take IQ tests

Yep So screenshot this Perfect Alright thanks guys Thank you guys Thank you boys How are we gonna get 900 guys for this? We gotta put the call up

To get 920 guys Oh How does Nicky Smokes do it When he throws his parties? He just fills his house full of dudes. Yeah, crammed. Yeah. Just all a bunch of dudes.

Is that what you heard? Just nothing but dudes? Nothing but dudes. Just rubbing their dicks on each other. That's what he says. Talking about all the pussy they're going to get later tonight. Wait, where is Nicky Smokes? I saw him earlier.

Have I seen him today? Yes, probably. Yeah, you have. I saw him. Yeah, he's here.? Yes, probably. Yeah, you have. I saw him. Yeah. We were chilling in the anus together. We were in the anus together. All right.

You have anything to get off your chest, Brandon? Brandon found a package in my room. Go on. We doing this? We don't have to. Oh, boy. We're doing this. You almost sat on a male I got.

I sat down in the chair to talk to you. Yeah. And beside me was a package. You stepped over me, and then you read off the address on the package. Mm-hmm. It was my mother's address. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Weird, man. Have you opened the package? No. What did my mother send you oh it was to you yeah mr nicholas terrani mr what did she send i don't i don't know i've not been told by my mother what you leave your your socks at her place or something no no no play a little 20 questions that's already thrown away well he doesn't know what it is he hasn't opened oh he hasn't you

haven't opened it no i just kind of want to chill with it for a little bit we. That's already thrown away. Well, he doesn't know what it is. He hasn't opened it. Oh, you haven't opened it? No, I just kind of want to chill with it for a little bit. We're not going to open it? Nah. You don't think it could be... Nah, it's probably not that. Never mind. Never mind.

Never mind. No, no. It would start to go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It couldn't be. I mean, it could, I guess, but it's probably not.

Anyways. Sorry. Yeah. My mother is 67 years old i didn't i don't know what it is either son i'd like to know what it is same man well let's open it not uh that's a federal offense that's a felony if you open it. It's my mother. It's my male. Is there an override if it's my mom? I don't think.

Yeah, wait, is there a legal loophole? It's my mom. It's my male. I think I could stand in front of a judge and say, that's my mom. And I think he'd be okay. Yeah, he might. Yeah. I have some clips.

Okay. It's really hard to do this. Follow along and clip, but I think I got pretty much what the conversation was. Great. Start with the first one. Approaching a new year. I'm turning over a new leaf with Jay.

And if we are, in fact, the B-Gang, let's be the B-Gang, brother. That's a good fucking clip, man. You told me that hating him was your sole purpose at this point. Yeah, it was, but, you know, new year, new me. Approaching a new year. That's what you guys were talking about, right? Yeah. Correct. Yeah. And then I saw, I looked up and I saw everyone coming in, so

if you scroll down, I threaded it. Update took only two minutes. The entire office heard about the beat gang at the Masturbation Club, and the whole office showed up to participate. That's more realistic than what we were actually talking about. Yeah. All these men will be masturbating Che and Titus at some point.

I think I'm good at this clip. That would be easier to explain as to why they were all here, for sure, than we were trying to see how many guys we could fit. The way they kind of sheepishly walked in, it looked like it was for a masturbation party. They did look off, yeah. Hashtag Q-Zips is sick, by the way. I like that.

I like that hashtag. I'm sure they have... That looks good right now. Three of our tweets and then a rigged selfie. Go fast. Go fast. The eyebrows. Retweet.

Retweet. He's the only other person to hashtag Cusage. I like that. He and I have a lot in common. Name three things. Me and Riggs? Second letter of our name, I.

That's not true. Nicknames. Both of our nicknames. Second letter starts with I. That's not true. Nicknames. Both of our nicknames. Second letter starts with I. A lot of others actually. How are you guys finding the Christmas spirit in Chicago? Is it to your liking? It's very Christmassy. Everywhere I go

it feels like I'm in a... They transform a lot of regular bars into Christmas bars for the season Everywhere I go. It feels like I'm in a... Yeah, they transform a lot of regular bars into Christmas bars for the season, which I appreciate. A lot of decorations up my neighborhood way. I like that. More or less than New York? Actually, probably less than Jersey. Jersey was crazy about it. New York?

Probably more. Who's the godfather of Christmas music? Is it Bing? Bing Crosby. It's Bing Crosby, right? Michael Buble is trying to... Burl Ives? Seems like he had a lot. I it Bing? Bing Crosby. It's Bing Crosby, right? Michael Buble is trying. Burl Ives? Seems like he had a lot. I think it's Bing. It's probably Bing. Is Bing cold outside? That's him. It's him and White Christmas

and several of them. Andy Williams? Yeah. Andy Williams, yeah. I think we're missing one. Mariah Carey. She's's a woman women can be kings i guess i guess now they can yeah i think so she got big t down to talk about that he was he was going on a rant today about

something i was over here all right he's's talking about Japanese anime poisoning the brain and then something about Dua Lipa. I was getting on the elevator because I take it down one floor and he got upstairs and he walked off on a huff. I said, what's wrong with you? He said, Chaps is triggered. I said, what? Are you not triggered? He goes, I don't get triggered.

I get even. And then he got on the stairs and I have no idea what he meant. You have to be triggered to get even, right? But he was not triggered. No. Okay. No, no, no. It was a good line, but I have no idea why.

He was not triggered. He was just led to a point where he wants to bottle this emotion he's feeling to get even and get revenge, yeah, which is different than being triggered. It's not triggered. How many Barstow employees do you think have ever tweeted the hashtag hashtag triggered oh you no at two brandon i haven't like 30 i can we move on from this discussion because i really want to clip the back half of what you guys are saying. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, so one. I can think of one for that. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh-oh. You're tempting me. Huh. Uh. So what else is going on, Titus? Jay? Alright.

I had a question, but I don't want to get painted in a bad light for it. Okay. We won't paint you in a bad light. Well, we might. Well, when Big Cat tweeted that clip, it got me thinking. How do sex parties get promoted? Oh, actually. I gotta pee. No, no, no, you're in beat gang.

No, I'm in beat gang, but I do have to pee. So I'm gonna go ahead and... But think about that, because it can't just be an open interview. It's just a coincidence that I'm getting up to pee right at the second. I have an idea. Yeah, Reddit. They have orgy Reddits. You can, like, find an orgy.

My buddy LaMare why are you doubting that I don't really understand how that's working because like you mean promoing them to get like fresh faces no but if like you know we live in Chicago how is it like

alright let's find one I think word of mouth is strong with those if you you start on the internet and I think you have mouth is strong with those. If you, like, if you... I think you start on the internet, and I think you have to travel around a little bit to meet your liking. Are they that rare?

I think some people get, like, tapped on the shoulder, like, Illuminati style for, like, to be invited to sex parties. I'm sure it's happened to Rudy. Damn near certain. What's the coolest thing you could be tapped on the shoulder for? Realistically.

I mean, sex party's pretty cool. Like a million dollars to sleep with their wife. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. I need you to fuck my wife.

That would be sick. Yeah. You would fulfill her. That'd be a lot of pressure though. I wouldn't want to be tapped on the shoulder for that. No. Would you say HBO's doing a show and they tapped you on the shoulder?

Would you do it? To have? To be a character, a semi-regular character. On what type of show? Titus got a callback for an HBO show. Yeah, he did. What? Titus got a callback for Winning Time.

Yeah. Whoa. Titus almost got the Kurt Rambis character of Winning Time. No way. It came down to him and another guy. What is that? The Lakers show. The Lakers show on HBO.

Yeah. That's cool. John C. Reilly was in it. Wait, can we see the guy that got the role? Kurt Rambis from Winning Time? Yeah. Jesus Christ. What are you Jesus Christ?

I believe he was barely in the show. Are you looking at how to- That show got canceled after two seasons. Don't go to r slash Chicago Gone Wild. Don't do that. Don't do it? Don't do that. Why?

I definitely won't do now. I'm saying it's banned. A lot of big dicks. Oh. Don't... Yep. There's another one. There's an...

Okay. You got a call back to winning time, right? I did, yeah. Mm-hmm. And you didn't get it the other guy got it did you read for it or what are we talking about um i don't know sex parties oh yeah yeah started at sex parties and it ended at you getting a call back for one yeah yeah i got a call back for uh winning time the other guy got it and then the show got canceled those are all facts when's uh

when's the last time you were oh damn when i lived in la okay yeah we used to have sex parties pretty that's not very kurt ramosy that guy yeah that's what i'm saying yeah that's what i'm saying i don't know if that's why the show got canceled but certainly didn't help is this when you were living in la yeah yeah i used to live in la i don't like to talk about it but uh you did. Pretty far inland though. No, no, I live actually by the beach and it's funny because, yeah, I had a great spot right there by the beach and, you know, it was a great life. Yeah, so yeah, good jogging on the beach. Every so often I go, there was one time I went inland, I went to a diner for breakfast. The funniest thing happened. I look up, and Jane Lynch is there.

Big old Jane Lynch? Would you believe it? She was getting a to-go order, though. She was not going to eat, whether it was COVID or something else. She did not want to eat in the establishment. She just was picking up food and leaving. She actually came back in to get some hot sauce. I saw her twice, really, if you think about it. How many hot back in to get some hot sauce. I saw her twice, really,

if you think about it. How many hot sauces did she get? Just one. I only saw her grab one. But, yeah, Jane Lynch. Would you believe it? Brandon, that's two of your favorite things. Breakfast and her last name. There we go. See ya, pal.

You saw from Glee. From Glee, yeah. And role models. And other things. What else? Jamie Lee Curtis. Adjacent. She's like a stretched out Jamie Lee Curtis.

Who is this? 40-year-old virgin. Yeah. Jane Lynch. She's always funny and sexual kind of. Kind of. But that was what was crazy. When she was getting the hot sauce, she wasn't really that funny.

She wasn't being funny? She was just grabbing hot sauce. She didn't make it half once? I bet you she could have made it funny. Yeah. She's a lesbian, right? I think so, yeah. You were in Southern California.

Was it Tapatio? Could have been. Probably. Yeah, probably. That's a nice climate down there. Nice climate.

How long would it take for Titus to get to the Pacific Ocean from here? A little further. Oh no. Jane Lynch is actually almost a perfect mashup of Jamie Lee Curtis and Ellen DeGeneres. If there was a dozen face mashup from those two, it would just be her. Why Ellen?

I don't know about Ellen. Blonde hair? Short hair? I think there's a lesbian in his face. Face of Jamie Lee Curtis. No? I don't know. I don't know if I can picture.

Maybe. Alright, boys. What are you looking at, Kyle? I'm just looking up Jane Lynch. Jamie Lee Curtis was an it girl. She was a hot woman when she was younger, no?

Like a sex icon oh yeah it was her dancing in front of john travolta doing the hips she was she was a babe back in the day yeah i think she was considered a bit i don't know you have to have brandon way in because he would probably remember her heyday was she mainly known for halloween stuff the movie halloween i remember her in Freaky Friday. Didn't Jamie Lee Curtis have a wet shirt in some... There's a movie

where she's got a wet shirt that popped off. Might be Halloween. Might have been Spartacus. I'm just going to Google it right now. Spartacus was the sex slaves? Gladiators. It was an awesome show and then Spartacus, Spartacus was the sex slaves? Gladiators. Yeah.

It was an awesome show, and then Spartacus, the actor, died. So then they had to do a prequel season. How did he die? Cancer. Cancer. When was the first time someone got cancer? Because, like, did the Roman Empire? I would guess.

I don't even know if I'd be the right millennia Are you asking Who invented cancer Who's patient zero For cancer Why did they invent cancer Yeah I bet you it was

Earlier than we Tumors existed For a long time Prehistoric Abnormal cells I'm guessing it's Always been around Yeah

Yeah Did like Jesus have boys That were like 1500 BC Mommies Damn Mommies Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did like Jesus have boys that were like, 1500 BC. Mummies were good. Damn. Mummies.

Mummy. I have a theory. Oh yeah. I have a theory. As Stephen Che gets older, I think he's just going to get more and more Stephen Che and more annoying. This conversation is a perfect example of that. You're becoming curious with age, which is

usually the more opposite. I mean, I'm never going to look that up. I just like to throw stuff out there. His Che intangibles are going to get stronger as he gets older. I posted another clip, by the way. Ooh. I binged the...

Let's see the clip hashtag polos what the fuck you switched up on me it's just the clip of him asking how do you find sex parties there we go you think rakes has a hashtag polos too yes yes I do probably I do. Probably Francis as well. Yeah. I binged the miniseries Doc Love Has Won this week, and it's about this woman who started a cult, and she convinced a lot of people that she was just God.

A lot of what seemed to be normal people, handsome men, pretty women joined this cult. And she thought she had the soul of Robin Williams. And Robin Williams would come take over every once in a while when she got really drunk. And he was being a dickhead to the members. Like she was like, yeah, like be yourself, have fun, show love. And then Robin would come out and be like, fuck you. It was amazing.

In what way does Robin manifest himself? She would get really drunk and black out when that was talking. That was either Robin Williams. You could see the list of salt people she used to be. Was she deep in her voice? She called it her galactic team. Did any of her mannerisms resemble Robin Williams? Or was she just yelling and saying, I'm Robin Williams? Was she doing impressions?

No, she wasn't doing impressions it was her voice but like if something was mean she was like that was robin so she gets every time she gets away you need to you need to see the list of people that was that used to be her but robin one of them was donald trump who was still alive but he was the only other 3d one it's a really good documentary I love an excuse for being like an angry drunk. Sorry, that was Robin Williams. Beloved comedian who killed himself. That's who was mean

to you just now. What's his top quote? What's his big line? Jumanji. Oh, Captain My Captain? Good morning, Vietnam. First day as a woman, I'm getting hot flashes already. Mrs. Doubtfire? Mrs. Doubtfire, yeah. Oh, um, went good morning vietnam first day as a woman i'm getting hot flashes already mrs dalfire yeah oh um it's not your fault yeah oh my god yep that's number one it's not your fault

i think we got to find chay a sex party would you go just observe no how long would it take you to get involved? I wouldn't get involved. I'd be interested to just know how the workings of this happened, but not interested enough to research. You don't think you'd catch the vibe at all? No. Would you observe for a while and then...

If you were hired to do a solo act, could you perform with the bright lights? Just tug it in front of everybody? Yeah. We should put that on the wheel. Put out a solo tape. Jack off in front of the bright lights. Come Eliminator.

Anybody can come Eliminator. Anybody can come in the privacy of their own home. Can you do it when the lights are on? Are you clutch? I don't have the clutch gene mother god and beliefs robin williams john lennon michael jackson yeah yeah like what differentiated these people she like just by her announcing the name or did she change her voice and stuff no just her announcing who was the odds of her being all these famous people got to be astronomical and i don't know because i'll be being all these famous people have got to be astronomical.

I don't know, because being all the famous people... Also, Michael Jackson and Robin Williams lived at the same time. She was both. Well, they were part of her galactic team. They were a team of angels that would speak through her. So I don't know if she necessarily thought she was... Michael Jackson's an angel. Yeah, it is interesting.

It's all contemporary people, too. No, no, she has Joan of Arc. Oh, Jesus was? Jesus, Joan of Arc. Okay, interesting. I recommend you guys watch it. It's awesome. I'm going to watch it no, she has Joan of Arc. Oh, Jesus was? Jesus, Joan of Arc. Okay, interesting. I recommend you guys watch it. It's awesome. I'm going to watch it tonight.

All right. What's it on? Love is One, HBO. The thing Mark was almost on when he was living in L.A. by the beach. Yep. And I got a callback to be Kurt Rambis for an HBO show. You didn't get a callback to be the Godwoman? If I did get that callback, it would have given me something to talk to Shane Lynch about.

It would be cool to have an acting credit alongside John C.illy but you you pissed yourself in front of mook it's true can't come back from that there's no coming back from that in a landlocked state the beach was very far from you're in a masturbation gang with jay yeah yeah things are good man things are good, man. Things are good. Yeah. You used to live in LA, hobnobbing with celebrities. Now you wake up every morning and come sit with me. Put on a big coat. Yeah.

Cold ass weather. You see me at 8 o'clock in the morning. Life's good, huh? It's like that t-shirt of the guy holding the surfboard by the ocean. I don't think there's ever, the life is good guy's never been to Chicago. Can we do a life is good yak shirt, but it's Titus with a piss stained pants? Life is, all right.

I've put on a little weight life is okay yeah life is chicago is the happiest city that i've been i love an extended amount of everybody's so nice happy and yeah it's great trying to think what's the happiest though the happiest city that i've been dewey beach delaware oh they're all gay that's rehoboth i think they're not happy they're all gay. That's Rehoboth, I think. They're not happy. They're not happy? I've never been to San Diego, but they've got to be happy. No, they're pretending to be happy. San Diego?

Yeah, they're trying really, really, really, really hard at all times. Okay. Chicago is a happy city. Colorado has some happy people. Colorado's got some happy got some that's where that cult was yeah that's pretty happy Chicago is uh jolly every person's kind of like that is a good that's just fat happy yeah it's like fat happy they are a jolly city I've never seen a thin jolly no Pittsburgh isn't happy no Philly's not happy. Philly's mad. Angry. I was in Cleveland this weekend.

Ohio's neutral. It's the most neutral American place culturally. Is Miami happy? Swing state. No. I think they're fake happy. It's like San Diego, but a different way. Somewhere in Florida.

Happy? Yeah. Like Tampa. Tallahassee's stupid. Yeah but like you can be so dumb you're happy yeah sometimes what i bet you with some bullshit like uh new england state vermont yeah no i think it might be i think it might be wisconsin wisconsin's a good place that's a jolly place yeah madison wisconsin's a happy place i Oh, yeah. That's a jolly place. Yeah. Madison, Wisconsin's a happy place. I think they're happy.

Green Bay's got to be happy, right? No. They're not happy? Too cold? Lost yesterday. That was Mincy's team. They lost badly. To your boys.

That was a bold move when he's just in the mix just to blurt out a pick. That's, yeah. It's not a bad move. It's a diversion tactic. It's worth the shot. I think the Hail Mary He's at his lowest with Dave and that could only have helped him. Big Cat, if a man in a giant comical

dunce cap gives you a pick, do you fade it or take it? Take it. Take it. I took the it to you. You take it. Take it. I took the Packers yesterday. Fucking idiot. So what are we at, Big Cag?

Now the Cowboys are atrocious. No, they're frauds on the road. Titus and I were talking about it on Mostly Sports on Friday. Go tune in on just a Friday's episode. It's not really necessary to say. Well, it's the most recent one. No, they were good. Kyle one they are kyle they are seven and oh at home 40 points scored average 15 points given up average on the road they're three

and four 21 points scored 22 points given up they're frauds on the road okay it's pretty simple if you play them at home they're a big bully so they're a big bully. So they can't win the Super Bowl. No, because they're now going to probably have to play only road playoff games. In fairness to the Cowboys, three of those road games are at the Niners, at the Bills, and at the Eagles. Three of the best teams in the league. And they won't have to play any of those teams in the playoffs. That's true.

They can't play the Niners and the Eagles in the playoffs. That would be crazy. Yeah, so they don't have to worry about them. Yeah. It was just a one-off thing. Mm-hmm. The Ravens are going to win the Super Bowl, aren't they? I think the Bills are. What's the least interesting realistic Super Bowl outcome? It'd be the

Eagles going back. Chiefs, 49ers. Chiefs, Niners, yeah. Would it be the least interesting? I think Niners in there is interesting. Niners is interesting to me, yeah. With Purdy, yeah. If Purdy wins, that would be very interesting. I think it's Chiefs-Eagles rematch. Chiefs-Eagles rematch.

Even though it was a good Super Bowl. I don't think there's a bad— If the Chiefs win, if the Chiefs-Eagles rematch and the Chiefs win, that's the worst. Super Bowl, yeah. That's like, yeah. Yeah. Have you guys seen the quarterback docuseries? Yes.

Quarterback? Quarterback? Yeah. Yes. With, like, Kirk Cousins. I didn't. Mahomes is an obnoxious guy. I didn't really get too much of that.

I didn't see it. What makes you say that? Not in an unlikable way, necessarily, but he's very obnoxious on the field. Oh yeah. Really? He'll just scream like the same thing over and over and over and over again. He's annoying like his wife. I don't think his wife is annoying, right? Didn't she come up

and go to that? The same thing that she gets shit for. He has the same personality traits. On the field. I think so. Yeah. Even after he lost to the lost the bills he was talking shit didn't he say something like petty that was actually like pretty gross i would just like yeah where you like did the handshake with josh allen after he's like oh man that's bullshit like worst call ever it's like come on dude game's over yeah

but in that series i I don't remember. I remember Kirk Cousins coming off as particularly likable. You're saying this because you saw the series, right? Would you agree or no? Yeah, he's very likable. Mariota came off as a dickhead. He was just boring, Mariota. Yeah, nothing to him.

And then just, like, fled the Falcons. He was like, fuck it, I'm hurt, I'm done. Titus, did you get a callback for quarterback? No, I did not. Disappointing. But they can't get enough quarterbacks to do it next season, so they're getting a wide receiver. But isn't it very...

Didn't all those guys come off good? Yeah, but I... Yeah. I think they'd be lining up to do it, wouldn't they? I think all of them did come off good. Yeah, like I know Mahomes and his wife came off good. I haven't watched it, but I think part of the reason I never watched it is that I don't need to hear about the – I already know about all these quarterbacks.

Yeah, maybe quarterbacks are not for you. Yeah. What was he like? We already know. Yeah, kind of. Like centers. Just all the centers in the NFL. Just want to watch him eat steak every day?

Yeah, I think all those guys are exactly the same. They're all just dudes. Yeah. Yeah, that's what makes good documentaries, though, is stuff you don't know about. Every center has a pretty wife, three daughters. Ford F-Series. Super Duty. Yeah.

King Ranch, maybe. A brother that's an alcoholic um sometimes no i don't know if we can throw that in there but a lot of them are the same still really close to his high school coach yeah yes they'll wear um overalls with no shirt underneath into the locker room once and it'll be a riot yeah it's hard to listen in clip. I'm just going to say that right now. Che, you get credit. I think I'm doing a good job, though, in picking up everything that's being said.

How are the numbies doing on the tweets? Pretty good. I just posted a new one about Brandon. This will be fine. Not really. I don't think that's really the spirit of what we're saying. It's a clip of him saying it's not your fault over and over again. It's not your fault. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yep, that's number one. It's not your fault. Ejaculated with his voice. Yeah, you've gone back multiple times, Brandon. Hashtag fleeces. Oh, wow. Roback's getting their money's worth today with all these

tags. You guys ever ejaculate with your boys? Can't say I have. In like fifth grade? I mean, you're just tempting me now. Okay. I'm curious. I remember when jerking off first became a thing. My boy was like, yeah, I found my dad's Playboys.

Like, I'll go to this bathroom. You go to that bathroom. Like, let's do this. It was a race? I remember popping on a porno at a sleepover with some of the boys. And we all had blankets. Well, we ran out of blankets, so I had an Afghan. He was nice. Come here and lay on me.

What was his name? Dustin. Dustin the Afghan. come here and lay on me what was his name uh dustin dustin the afghan common afghani name did he make you come he was just lying um no i've never jerked off with the boys okay what is this delectable giant gold trophy for i think we're having an event afterwards i don't know if we are allowed to talk about maybe we are i don't okay we're doing a three-point shootout doing a three-point shootout for chilis for chilis we're not supposed to talk about it, though, Brandon. Okay, I'm not. Should we talk about the celebrity that's here? Oh. We're not going to talk about that either.

Sean Marion's here. Yeah, Sean Marion. Ooh. Recent inductee into the Phoenix Suns Ring of Honor. That's right. And he's filming a cooking show with Donnie, bumping my episode even further. Yeah, mine keeps getting bumped, too.

I was on the pilot, or so I thought. He's only recently in the Ring of Honor. He should have been in there when he retired. The last week. I mean, there's a grace period. Yeah, but he was really, really good. He was a good player. Played for a lot of teams. Did he? Mavs, Suns, Mavs. I really only remember the sons you remember mavs i remember the mavs a little bit but the sons is definitely where he had his best by far oh yeah that was such a fun team stoudemire and nash and him eddie house joe johnson i don't think so right you're wrong i remember joe johnson as a he wasn't he was on the Suns early, but he got traded. They got him out of there because he was ISO Joe,

and they got him to the Hawks. Yeah, but there was still seven seconds or less with him. The Jack McCallum book? I don't think he was in that season. I don't know what book you're talking about, but he was part of that. The book was called Seven Seconds or Less. What, are you doing the dozen? No, I was just saying.

I liked that Eddie House was on the team. I liked the team. Raja Bell. Ooh, Raja Bell. Boris Diaw. No, we're not just naming sons? No, is your sports knowledge? I look at Boris Diaw as a spur. Really?

Same. Yeah. Same. Am I making him up being on the Suns? He was on the Suns. Yeah, he was. Yeah, okay. Wasn't that? No him up being on the Suns? He was. Yeah, he was. Yeah, okay. No, but that's the reason they won a title.

Him and Stoudemire, Boris Diaw and Stoudemire, they walked off the bench like a foot, and they suspended him stupidly, and that changed the whole – that gave the Spurs a title. Yep. 2007. Then Diaw got a title with the Spurs, I think. Probably.

Years later, yes. I think he had changed the way he played by then, too. Yeah. got a title with the Spurs, I think. Probably. Years later, yes. I think he had changed the way he played by then, too. He was a big boy. He played a lot of different basketball. He was the fattest player in the league. Yeah, he was fat. Boris D.L. was fat. Yes.

I don't remember him very well being fat. You can't be skinny with the name Boris. Skinny Boris. Boris Larson, the guy on Vine that used to steal kisses. Whoops. That's Dola Kass. Yeah, him. What?

Thank you, Kyle. Dola Kass. Yeah, he was like a Scandinavian cutie. If you go back far enough, when I was running the Yak Twitter, I would just tweet that sometimes. No way. Yeah. You ran the Yak Twitter? For like a year. And I would just like play characters and talk to myself yeah what what baseball player did you bump into on the yak twitter it was always

grady sizemore you were good at socials man yeah they were like trying not to do a yak twitter i was like this is, this could work. This could be the, I mean, you should promote your show somehow. Can we see the Grady Sizemore tweets? Are they still up? Maybe Johnny Damon. I want to see. I miss Boris Larson. I wonder what he's up to. Is he a real guy? Yeah. You guys don I miss Boris Larson

I wonder what he's up to Is he a real guy? Yeah You guys don't remember Boris Larson? I certainly don't remember Boris Larson Was it just me and you

that liked him but separately as non-friends? Separately as non-friends He was like a a modern Swedish dude I just stole a kiss What do you want to do about it? Why did y'all know about him?

That's a skinny Boris. That was an obscenely viral vine during the Vine. Obscenely viral. Did he say, what are you going to do about it? Yeah. I'm going to try that. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it?

I don't think you might get arrested. Tweet that video. Why don't you do it right now? Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh. Luke, watch your hands. Re-put it in.

It's got to be a bad kid. Re-insert. Zah. Oh, God. What? I don't like the way KV called my name. No, did you go to that apartment event? I did, yeah.

Did you get out of your comfort zone? You went sober? Thank you. Bro, I was so nervous. No, that's nerve? I did, yeah. You get out of your comfort zone? You went sober? Thank you. Bro, I was so nervous. No, that's nerve-wracking. Yeah. So what was it? It was just a little hangout thing.

Sunday? Yeah. They had like Christmas beers and all that, but it was good though. Did you fuck? No, no, no, no. I was hanging out with a... Wait, I didn't hear your kiss noise. With a 60-year-old black couple.

A 60-year-old black couple? Because of that? The connection? Yep. So you gravitated toward them? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I only fuck around with white boys around here.

So outside of this, you don't fuck with white boys? Nah, not at all. I respect that. Yeah. Respect that. What is it about Barstool that makes you gravitate to the white guys here? Brandon, you know what? Respect that. Yeah. Respect that. But it was fun, though. What is it about Barstool that makes you gravitate to the white guys here? Brandon, you know what?

I don't have much of a choice, you know? Yeah. It's true. KB's a black uncle. Yeah. Still am. Yeah. Summer of 08, I'm standing in line at a pizza place about 30 miles west of Cleveland buddy of mine nudges me and whispers don't look now but Grady Sizor is standing right behind you

I say are you shitting me next thing I know next thing you know someone's tapping me on the shoulder this was the Yaks account this is how I promoted the show. And lo and behold. How far does it go? I think all of it. 147. Is this a blog you wrote and posted on here?

I think so. It's Grady fucking Sizemore. Wait, you didn't finish it. Wait, I didn't work. Why'd you get credit for that? I didn't work there in 2020. Did I? Only more May 6th.

Yeah, you did. You started in 2020. I thought I started in 2020. I thought I started a year ago. Didn't you start the month before COVID? Yeah. That was 2021, right? That was a year ago, yeah. 2020. I thought I started in 2020. I thought I started a year ago. Did you start the month before COVID? Yeah, that was 2021. That was a year ago, yeah. 2020. Holy shit.

That wasn't me. You get credit for any joke that I ever tell that's funny. I get DMs saying, Nick wrote that joke for you. Oh, the ones I write. Yeah. You get credit for the ones you write. That's good. What's your funniest joke that Nick didn't write?

I don't know. I haven't had many. That's not true. I don't know. I can't remember the last one I got accused of getting Nick to write it. Oh, I did a screenshot on my computer one time when the Kirk thing was popping off. And it was just a – you could see my tabs and my email to erica i did do that you you took the picture no you didn't you didn't come up with the

idea the tabs up is my calling i come up with the idea that's like the joker holding the joke oh the tab up yeah but i wrote the email you added the tabs okay but that was a collab that was a bad example yeah you wrote a lot of that. Comedically, would you say Nick? Who is your top influences? You think Nick? Cosby. Probably Johnny Carson.

But when do you act like Johnny Carson? Almost exclusively. Oh, you do? Michael Richards? Yeah. I thought your voice was going out michael richards you said that with a lot of chest jay who about you my comedic influences i don't know i used to love louis ck um seinfeld i watched every day

yeah have you been looking things up at all like checking out Wikipedia like you seem when you're curious no I just kind of spit it out and then just let it go and forget about it what's the last thing you've googled who is playing week 18 I think what's the last non football

thing you Googled? I can find it for you right here. Yeah, please, if you could. Do you ever look up symptoms? It says Devin White shirtless. He's ripped, though. I do that a lot. How do you know he's ripped? I've seen him shirtless before.

Oh, interesting. So it sounds like I was right. Yeah. Yeah, where'd you see him shirtless? In person? Yeah. Oh. That's pretty cool so i guess i gotta ask were you ever in the locker room while they were disrobing yep have you seen buck dick yep did

you look that's that's my new alter ego buck dick no you were there you were you were in the locker room while they were changing? Yeah. Go on. Jay definitely just started changing with them. Yeah. No, that would be sweet. No, I... Why would it be sweet? Why would that be sweet?

I don't know. Part of the team. Would you be... No, I mean, it's in there and people are showering and all that shit and coming out and some people are just like naked would you quit this job just to be the guy that changes with the bucks no no it's the greatest job in the world i've changed with the bucks i to be honest i did think about um a couple weeks ago we had a time management issue and i have the appropriate contacts and i know how to get in touch with the right people.

And I was like, you know what? Maybe I can really help the team and be the time management guy. So if it's under two minutes or whatever, buzz me, and I'll tell you if you call time out or not. Then I couldn't work here, couldn't gamble. Not worth it. You volunteered. No, I didn't. I thought about it. Did you think there was a chance

you'd be hired? The clock management was terrible. But you definitely went through your mental Rolodex. This is who I would contact to make this presentation of why I should be the clock management guy. Certainly. What is the clock management of the game? Timeouts and whatnot. It's a job that doesn't exist.

Most people don't have it. It's called being the that doesn't most people don't have it it's called being the head coach most people don't wouldn't that be like of someone higher up in the on the staff doing that as well everyone has their own specific little job it shouldn't be a job if the coach is good at it but then sometimes they do bring in an outside consultant if you're a really bad coach you bring someone in nathaniel haggard last year when he sucked yeah he brought in like an old dude he He's like, he's going to take care of the clock, which is a sign that he was about to get fired.

I have a dumb hypothetical that Che posed to Jerry on the ride home last night that Jerry told me. Maybe the dumbest of all time. Che's hypothetical is, would you take $50,000 less of your salary right now, but you would then have to be responsible

and you get to pick every player on your favorite team. So literally you'd have to do your regular job. And they would be good. They're guaranteed to be good. Well, I mean, that's not. What? So Mook would have to pay Barstool 30 grand. To then be the GM of the Eagles.

So you'd have to do double work. Wait. No, you just pick players and they turn out to be very good, perennial Super Bowl contenders, but you pick them. But every year you have to sacrifice 50 grand of your pay. How much do GMs make? GMs make millions. But you pay 50 grand.

Are you saying you hypothetically just get to pick every player? You don't have to buy by salary cap or anything. You're just saying in a fantasy world, I could pick the best. I pick my own Pro Bowl team. I mean, you pick like a realistic roster. You're not picking all players. Why wouldn't the hypothetical just be $50,000 for your team to win a Super Bowl? Right.

Yeah. Would you give up $50,000 to have your team be the greatest football team ever assembled? Or the hypothetical would just be, would you like to be the GM of your team? No, but then it feels like, yeah, kind of. But then you have to do all the work and stuff like that. That's not. This is just the magic snap of the fingers. You get 50k, but you get to pick all the guys on your team and they're going to be awesome.

Not necessarily in the Super Bowl, but... Well, how realistic is that? It's not. No, no, but you said you had to keep the players realistic. But you said if you pick them, they're awesome. There's a fantasy element to this that you're treating as... It's all fantasy.

I'm too deep. Somebody get me out. This is an odd hypothetical. You can bet on this super team and make your money back. Correct. I stopped following when I heard 50K. So you created... That's how you would make your money back.

Let the middle class boys talk. You give up 50K in salary, but but you're gonna be so good at being gm that you're just gonna bet on yourself and win it all back yeah that brain man it's pretty cool because initially i was like yeah no but you should get into something this new year that's not football i agree i'm trying to get... Not sports. No. Not sports. No. Like anime. Gardening. Oh, no. History. No.

Oh, I had a history thing. I was going to say it earlier, and I totally forgot. So I don't know anything about history. Uh-huh. But I read my kids' books. Beat gang, Titus. Okay. This is your cohort.

Put your fucking headphones back So Maybe She's like a famous historical person Joan of Arc She was like a teenager and won a war Shut the face Keep the face Wait can we do a zoom into the face Do this like a

Comedy set So here Let's wait for the camera on you. Set it up like it's comedy. Do the Seinfeld. Wait, pretend like you just got a pop, like huge. Yeah. Next joke, next joke.

Whoa, wait, wait, wait. Let's get real framed up. All right. Stephen Chay's comedy special. I've actually been writing jokes. All right. Go deliver, yeah. All right.

Do the Joan of Arc and then go seamlessly into the next jokes you've been writing. No, I don't have them all written out. We'll just go improv. Yeah, feel. Wing it. No, I actually want to save that and actually do a surprise five minutes somewhere. Okay. Wow.

Just give us the Joan of Arc joke. Yeah. It's a conversation topic. Right, right. But it's observational comedy. All right. So I'm starting from the top? Yep. Okay. We'll just give us the Joan of Arc joke. Yeah. It's a conversation topic. Right, right, but that's observational comedy. Alright, so I'm starting from the top? Yep. Okay. Alright, so I don't know anything about history. Nothing. Nothing.

Joan of Arc was a teenager. A girl teenager. And she won a war? I'm not supposed to believe this? Are you black? Somebody put him in a zoot suit. Let's get him a towel.

I was trying to do a high-pitched Seinfeld. Start slapping your thigh. Do the face about you can't believe that she won the war. Hit the punchline, do the face. What's the deal with that? Joan of Arc, a teenage girl, won a war? But seriously, how is that real? I don't know.

Back then, anybody could do anything. Dude, King Tut was a clubfoot preteen. But he's like born into lineage, yes? How is this teenage girl winning a war for France? She's a badass. The reason we remember her is because of how unlikely it is. What was her body count? Was she killing people?

I don't know. I only read one page of a kid's book. So this is the extent of my knowledge. Oh, you have the Who Was Joan of Arc book where she has a real big head on the cover? No. It's, I don't know, historical figures. Jay is Joan of Arc. So here you go.

Tonight, go to her Wikipedia. Learn about her. Yeah. You want to know the real story, Steve? Wait, now you're doing stuff. She didn't exist. The feminists just created her to have an icon that they could betsy ross put on a pedestal are y'all lying no that's true it's a true story this is oh yeah she's all a myth if that's the

picture of her then she's fake there's no record there's no record of joan of arc before 1988 wait just as virgin right there wait can we have that for mooks wikipedia is that her go hard wait can we go to the virgin tab so she died at 19 the title the title virgin just a giant picture of my face imagine that you're going to get knighted and you get urgent what the fuck oh well I slept with my windows open last night so cold I had to look for my dick this morning

where'd you find it? in my stomach in the shower I have a radiator so I can't control the heat In my stomach. Yeah. In the shower. Yeah. No, it sucks. Why'd you sleep with the windows open? Yeah, why'd you do that? I have a radiator, so I can't control the heat, and my apartment just gets, like, so hot. So I just rip the window open, and then I wake up, and I'm, like, frozen. I'm still cold. I like sleeping like that, though.

I like sleeping with a hot room and then bringing in cold air, a blast of cold air from the outside. It was nice, yeah. I just woke up, and I don't know. Ooh, Wake Up Mincy is coming back 2024. No. Announced, yeah. Are we pre-recording? I don't know.

Life is okay. Yeah, that's Titus. There we go. Life is okay, especially because the High Noon Game Day day pack is back it includes limited edition fan faves pear and cranberry along with black cherry and grapefruit made with real vodka real juice it's only 100 calories gluten-free with no added sugar the high noon game day pack is a fall exclusive which means it's here for a good time not a long time visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you some guy just tagged me in a tweet

studies show that living near the ocean can positively impact your mental health and lower stress levels i need to just tag it's reply to this thanks man i wasn't aware of that until i read this tweet if i live next to the fucking ocean i don't think i could ever move away i don't know though according to your w Wikipedia, Titus, in 2015 you gave an interview that you were... Can we not? I need on my Wikipedia personal life section that I ran into

Jane Lynch in a tire. Please. Was that before or after the AMA? Yeah. Was this pre or post depression? The Jane Lynch story. This is post story this is post ahead of you yeah this is post once you see jane lynch your depression yeah you would never be depressed after that it's a big woman couldn't how big is she tall tall tall woman bird she's six feet she's in my favorite movie of all time which one best in show yeah that's your favorite movie

that's a good favorite movie it's terrific i love it why yeah that's your favorite movie that's a good favorite movie it's terrific i love it why are you judging it like that that's a really that's a good favorite movie to have i saw it okay movie sucks doesn't have best in show does not suck you lose one nothing it's over none of those christopher guest movies suck they're all great okay i don't what's your favorite movie nothing truman show or Jerry Maguire one of those both of those are very good movies thank you

yeah I like Truman Show I like Jerry Maguire I love Truman Best in Show is also a great movie I wanted to like it I hated it one of my least favorite movies

why you're getting wrecked right now no I'm not this is crazy he hated it what did you like about it it was very very funny from start to finish

everybody in there harland pepper is hilarious uh the gay guys from uh or they're hilarious michael mckeon and old dude and it's an interesting premise i like that it's you know eugene livy is hilarious they're all they're all funny the bones were there for sure no it's what's happening it's too bad it sucks i think if you read the wikipedia plot of it you could envision a scenario where it was funny no i just it's too bad it sucks i think if you read the wikipedia plot of it you could envision a scenario where it was funny no it's just unfortunately i think that's like a mighty one what's that a mighty wind is that a movie i've not seen that you know what christopher gas never mind jay what's the best Christmas movie? I haven't seen Die Hard.

Okay. So what's the best Christmas movie? Good answer. That's notoriously. Elf is very good. Home Alone is good. I haven't seen Die Hard. I would say one of those two.

I have a clip from our former city, from our former mayor. Oh, I saw it. Have you guys all seen this? What? It's quite something. You guys are going to love this. No, from our former mayor. Not Lori Lightfoot.

Oh. Adam's in whatever his name is. Oh, Eric. Adam. Oh. Oh. Jesus. The totality of the year if you had to describe it and it's tough to do in one word what would that word be and tell me why uh new york this is a place where every day you wake up you could experience everything from a plane crashing into our Christ. To a person who's celebrating a new business that's open.

Oh, shit. This is a very, very complicated city, and that's why it's the greatest city on the globe. Mr. Mayor. In one word. In one word, New York. Describe New York in one word. It was in 2023, and he's like, yeah, you could see 9-11 or celebrate a business opening. You could look up and see a plane crash.

Spot the lie. You could fucking die to a plane. Oh, my God. People are getting laissez-faire with the 9-11. Was that real, though? I love that he was just like, yeah, it could happen again. Never know. Don't people say, like, never again?

Yeah. Never forget. Oh, never forget. What's never again? Never again. Yeah, never forget. What's never again? Never again. They should change from never forget to never again. Well, we can't promise that. Damn.

It's hopeful. We can't. No. And next time it happens, we won't forget that either. Jesus Christ. Oh, man. The mayor said it, not me. You're right yeah it's a complicated city virgin what do we got people yep a lot of film mook oh nice oh no that's my first credit

being on the virgin wikipedia dude you're officially a virgin. What's the link go to? There was one named D-Virgin. Mook or Mook. Wait, there's Mook Iran and Mook Kentucky. Where would you rather go? Or Nether. Spin the wheel. You got to go. Mook Animation.

Mook Publishing. The Gang. Mook Gaming. The Mooks are a gang and city of heroes. We gotta beef up this Wikipedia. Let's take this over. Whoa. She's lovely.

There's an actress better known as... What's up? If you ever meet her, you have something to talk about. Terry Hatcher. We're not thorough on... Oh, Thailand. Uh Hatcher. We're not thorough on... Oh, Thailand. Uh-oh. She might be a mouthful.

I love their language are just curlies. Curlies? Yeah, their language just looks like shaved pubes. It's insane. I've once manscaped a novel. A Thai novel. Oh, man. What else we got going on, boys?

What was it like for you boys the first time you trimmed your pubes? My God. Mine took almost an hour. It was tough. did you tweeze them titus how you doing partner in crime yeah 2024 it's your partner 2024 you're gonna last a whole year for sure yeah so I can do the rowback alright rowback

same just run it run it back run it all the way back yep I'm wearing a rowback hoodie right here rowback has the best

fleeces the best hoodies the best crewnecks the best quarter zips can't go anywhere without seeing someone wearing a rowback performance hoodie

they are the best in the game I have a fleet of them and they're wonderful they just released brand new crew necks for both men and women they're breathable yet so soft and comfortable perfect for a crisp fall morning while you're on the move or having a relaxing weekend they also have the joggers which we wear quite quite often made to move in and are incredibly comfortable odds are at least one of us are wearing joggers at all times so kick off your fall well kick off your winter right i'm just gonna go ahead and make at all times. So kick off your fall. Well, kick off your winter right. I'm just going to go ahead and make that little change right there.

Kick off your fall and your winter right. Use code YAK at Roback.com for 20% off your first purchase through the end of the week. That's R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. 20% off all performance hoodies, crewnecks, joggers, and more with code YAK. There's a lot of chilies. That's a lot of chilies That's a lot of chilies Chili Alright boys let's get the minds working

You want to tier something like sports based on difficulty Yak has been cancelled by the way Based on what I clipped something Oh no So what have we got here? Joan of Arc was a teenager. A girl teenager.

And she won a war? I'm not supposed to believe this? Wait, he's doing black now. Are you black? Oh, no. Oh, no. I didn't think that. I was going for Seinfeld. You first said it wasn't a joke, so we said observational humor,

and you went right to Seinfeld. That's what it was, the music. You guys ever seen him live? No, but I really had to resist the temptation. He was very expensive in New York. I should have when I did it. But I'd love to send my mom to see him live. I't know why i'm saying all these words but no the answer is no i've never seen him live i've never i've seen two comedians live sinbad and another guy jeff dunham

um jeff dunham the puppet guy no another guy like a cable guy no different guy. Older. Oh, Cosby. Oh, yeah. Cosby. Saw him when I was 13 years old. Did he sit bad? Later we found out he did, but at the time we didn't know. So, yeah, I saw him in 1992. Did you cry when you saw him? I loved it so much. It is one of the best nights of my life. Did you apply to be on Kids Say the Darnedest Things?

No, because I wasn't a kid. By the time that show came out, I was i was what was the premise of that show they would bring a kid having a 15 year old on there yes i'm saying did you still apply i didn't uh so didn't they it was it was him for a while that kid would like sit on his lap yeah i don't think he ever sat on the lap next to him in a stool yeah and then they would just steve harvey later did it right and then did rosie o'donnell do it am i remembering that wrong rosie did it i think rosie did it yeah yeah kids say the darndest things she had mjf on her show yeah when he was five um but yeah it was cosby for a while i don't know if cosby was the first one doesn't that show go back like to thes? I might be making that up. Kids have always said.

Kids have been saying the darndest things for years. Kids are idiots. Not mine. Speaking of saying the darndest things, you see Richard Mendenhall? Yeah. Started a race for it. I knew it was going to be Mendenhall. I knew it.

He was one of the writers of Ballers. Richard Mendenhall was? Yeah. Really? I mean, I would. He was like the main one. I would bet on his team. Yeah. Or a betting man.

What sport would be the, it'd probably be football, the best. Jesus, dude. I would agree with his first sentiment. He's not wrong at all. Y'all not even good at, is he talking about white football players?

Mm-hmm. Who's not even good at football? White guys. White guys. White guys, yeah. He wants a Pro Bowl of all black versus all white. They're lucky they won't have to punt. They'll just... Extra down.

Yeah, sure they're going to score a lot of touchdowns, but will they hit the PAT? Probably not. No. We're going to pin him within the five um it's a wild tweet he had ab steelers or ex-steelers have been having a day because ab had a tweet too oh yeah that was less graduate he just walked to graduation central michigan yeah maybe talking yeah sex be different? Hey.

Is this a haiku you got to do? Not on the TV. Not on the TV. Won't do at home. B-gang thoughts? Well, I'll tell you what, that last line's crazy, but the... You gotta nut on the TV? Those first three are dead on. Nutting on the TV?

You take it down off the thing? But he said gotta. You gotta nut on the TV. You have to know. You haven't lived until you gotta nut on the TV you have no choice you have no choice but to nut on the TV hard to knock it till you try it I can knock it I'll knock nutting on the TV

I mean probably sucks but who knows why don't you nut on that TV it doesn't nutting never sucks nutting on a TV, Che? It doesn't... Nutting never sucks. Nutting on a TV would... Yeah, that would be a nightmare. Just consider where the TV is in a hotel room.

You'd have to get up on a stand of some sort. Try to fish for Mincy. He's walking by. So... I feel like you could just say... The thing about the transfer portal is nobody's really getting better. Whoever gave out that fucking Packers... I really thought the Packers would give the Bucs a better game, Che. I did.

Oh, he's locked in. Oh, boy. He knows the rules. He can't come on a live show. He's gone now. Also, there's food. Also, there's food. Wow.

Tractor beam. We're fishing with words. They're fishing with food. We need sense in a moment. He just did a backup. He's all up in that boat. What do we have here? I know the feeling Dude when I was cutting weight

I would just go linger around So It's making a Chase He knows Return? Yeah No I don't think anything's coming in the new year

No he's not He knows No he's too He's too smiley and happy He's privy Yeah Yeah he's fishing for us He's got an artsy shot

Balls look good smiley and happy. He's privy. He's fishing for us. Artsy shot. Balls look good. Balls look really good. I'd play with those balls. Yeah. And I gotta get that clip. What balls? The balls look good. What's your password?

Che, you need your password. I think everybody in the office has the same one for their computer. What is your password? It's going to be like Bucks. No. Bucks, Brady, exclamation point, money sign. What are you doing, Che? Why did you look at your phone like that? You really need it?

No, I don't give a fuck. I'll stop looking. I don't give a fuck. I'll stop clapping. I don't care. Jay, how about... Would you be down to get all about the Olympics this year? No. You wouldn't? I'd love that.

Be the Olympics guy. You have all the... You're a research guy. And no one else is researching. You hate the Olympics? Yeah. I fucking love the Olympics, dude. Basketball.

That's about it. It's sports you can only pay attention to once every four years, and you just dive into it. Like you always love it. What about like crypto? How can you hate the Olympics? I don't know. That's crazy. Winter Olympics, sure.

You can hate that. Not the Summer Olympics. What's the difference? One's in the winter. Well, yeah, but like... Completely different sports. But the ideology you're presenting is the same once every four years you get into it it's too much snow and ice in the

in the winter one in the summer you got diving and swimming pools and running and having fun what's the winter olympics skiing downhill skiing bobsled it's all it's all some sort of variant of either skiing or skating bobsled's kind of cool okay become a bobsled guy that's a great movie cool runnings cool runnings fantastic fantastic is it a good movie no it is it's it's a good movie a lot of people are just banking on these children's movies to be still be i mean it's nostalgic sure but it's it's a good movie you're addicted to nostalgia and so am I but but like D2 the Mighty Ducks is an objectively bad movie oh cool running whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what D2 the Mighty Ducks is is a bad movie no it's not no it's not no it's not cool runnings is a good movie cool runnings is not a better movie than D2 I think cool running

is a better movie okay all right well is D2 Run is a better movie. Okay, alright, well. Is D2 Iceland? Yes. Oh, that movie's pretty good. Yeah. Way better than Best in Show. Why do you keep insisting on being the authority of movies and staring me down like this? Are you busy tomorrow morning at 9am? Beat game? Hop on Mostly Sports? You guys have a

busy day tomorrow. Yeah, we do. Doing a lot. Jerry After Dark. How did this collaboration come to? I guess you ask the co-worker you see every day. Yeah, Jerry approached us. We said yes.

Knows we're the hottest free agents in the building. Free agents? Free agents for what? I don't know. Jerry made it sound like he was getting TJ Watt on Jerry After Dark.

Oh, shit. The activity, and I won't give it away at all, but the activity's something. Yeah, we don't say the activity and i won't give it away at all but the activity is something yeah we don't we don't say the activity no we don't before the show jerry never is it okay is it skill-based it can be but i'd rather not talk about it i don't want to give away jerry are you guys gonna be doing the punishments we'll be doing everything all whatever jerry does i'm in for whatever um there we go whatever the deal is yeah we're we're we're doing it jay i want to see you become a conspiracy theorist i did i have seen loose change before okay yeah that's a start i think you're too

i don't think you'd be a good conspiracy theorist probably not okay if i put my mind to it and was curious about it, but I reach a certain point at almost everything where I lose interest, and then it's... Can you name one conspiracy you're like, okay, that makes a lot of sense? Denver Airport. People always say this,

and I don't want to hash on about it too much. What is the Denver Airport thing? It's, like, way too big. There's an underground um uh what is that what's going on down there they think it's like a uh not a second city but like a safe place for like the elite yeah like a bunker for like doomsday yeah but like almost like a city so not like a room or whatever. I mean, that is a big-ass airport.

And they have weird-ass paintings and art everywhere. Well, it was under construction this week, and they had a sign up that was making a joke about it. Oh, yeah, they play into it. Yeah. Which I think if you're playing into it, something's going on. Maybe. It's like hiding in plain sight.

I was just there. Oh, yeah, how was Wyoming? It was good. I fucking love going out there because nobody's out there and you just there's a two hour drive from denver to laramie and it's just fucking beautiful drive it's crazy that you like you're obsessed with attention and relevance i'm not upset and yet you want to live somewhere with nobody i would love to it. It's a tough. Well, I was raised where nobody is. I like living where my nearest neighbor is a mile away.

But you'd miss this. Listen, I dove headfirst into this, and I do this every day. The second I leave here, I will never miss this a second. Oh, cool, man. That's bullshit. That hurts my feelings. I appreciate that. I love this. I didn't say the human beings. I didn't say the beings i hate you too brandon what is this this is this is

what i'm saying what's the difference between we all hang out and talk to each other it's my favorite part of the day i'm throwing money back so that when i go back to mississippi i don't have to i don't have i it's it's the the – You'd miss it one weekend. When you say this, what do you mean this? Because we're just hanging out. We just happen to be on air. Being on camera all day, every day, and the hustle of being in a city. I don't want to be in a city.

I've lost my voice for one day, and I had to sit in this booth, and I miss you guys so much I want to kill myself. We're right here. That's what I expect. Actually, come back. Yeah, please come back in. No, I don't – not you guys. I just don't want to be in the city. I don't want to be in the hustle and bustle. You're an opinionated guy. You's what I expect. Actually, come back. Yeah, please come back in. No, I don't. Not you guys. I just don't want to be in the city. I don't want to be in the hustle and bustle.

You're an opinionated guy. You love getting takes off. If it's 3 a.m., you say, hey, what do y'all want to talk about? I think his dream. You love that. I think his dream would be somewhere like Wyoming doing solo videos of himself, getting the attention that way. You want to be that guy that's in Alaska.

The glasses guy. I want to be Luke from the Outdoor Boys channel, yeah. He's getting more mainstream. He's getting too big, yeah, but I still love him. Good for him. He's the best. You I want to be Luke from the Outdoor Boys channel. He's getting more mainstream. He's getting too big, but I still love him. He's the best. You'd want to do that? Shovel snow for like eight hours? I wouldn't want to do that in particular, but I would like to do the southern. Do you think you'll ever get off social media

at any point in your life? Yeah, I do. When you're 80? I do. I don't think so. I was a late adopter. I didn't join until like 2013. I still don't use so. I was a late adopter. I didn't join until like 2013. I still don't use it. That doesn't mean anything. I guess it doesn't.

That just means you got addicted late. I'd still be throwing college football takes even if it were to nobody. Do you really think you're going to live until 80? Come on. Yeah, at some point I'll get a little bit serious about my health and get right. I feel so – I'm not – that was a genuine question.

Do you think he will? No. Oh, my God. All right. I mean, I'm just going with the numbers. Oh, my God. I think he's still above average healthy. Definitely.

That's the data, Brandon. You can't get better than that. I actually would almost maybe say I know that he is. Yeah. Above average healthy. Yes. He moves around. What's your doctor say, Brandon?

It's tough to kill a human. It is. 80's not that old. That's pretty old. 80's not. I mean, 80. If you see a person that's 80 and died. What's the average lifespan these days for a man who's like 76 now? Like that's just slightly.

And I think you're above average when it comes to – Che is certain I'm going to die before 80. Agreed. William Howard Taft died in the 70s, I think. And he was the fattest man. He was very fat. He was the fat president. Yeah, but the fat back then.

And that was a million years ago. Yeah. People lived long a while ago, more than you'd think. It's just the infant mortality that skews you. So many people were dying young that it skews. But people were still like hundreds and hundreds of years ago or living to 80, 90, 100. But also fat back then is like 2XL now.

I'll tell you what. I'll bet you I'll make it to 80. Done. Brandon, do you think William Howard'll bet you I'll make it to 80. Done. Brandon, do you think William Howard Taft is fatter than you? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, much. I'm curious.

What should we bet? I need to see some pictures. Put out like a- The day I turn 80, I collect. $50,000. I bet you $50,000 I live to the age of 80. Fine, but you have to put me in your will. And then if you die before 80, then $50,000 goes to me.

Devious, man. Fair. So I put that trigger in there. If I have died before April 13th, 2000-something, 9, you get $50,000 of my money. Yeah, and for extra credit, Stephen, give us an actual age. Specific. If you hit the exact age, you get $100,000 of my money. And for extra credit, Stephen, give us an actual age.

Specific. If you hit the exact age, you get $100,000. Yeah, you trigger a multiplier. $50,000 in 40 years is going to be nothing. Nothing. You and you Asians doing the deferred payment. Otani mode. I think you go go to like 66.

Say 50 and then kill him. That is so disrespectful. Jay, I just very, very quickly, not to get into family history. My dad did every drug he could possibly do for 50 years. He lived to 70. 71.7 is the average in Mississippi for a man. Brandon's just doing Chick-fil-A. I'm just doing Chick-fil-A.

I'm not even doing drugs. Off Zoloft. Brandon not boozing or doing drugs goes a long way. You also don't sleep a lot. You're always stressed. I'm not going to do this forever. Okay. Is there a world where you're stress-free?

Why are you so certain? Yes. Set the line. What would the so certain? Yes, set the line. What would the odds be? I would go, hey, under 66. I don't think that's completely unreasonable. Yeah, I'm not saying you're going to pass away soon. That's a long time from now.

Make it your pick of the month and put out bullet points. Like, why? A ladder bet. Properly or yes? Yeah. One unit on under 50, one unit on under 60. unit on under 60 yeah let's do that i'll get you what put me in your will and then i'll reciprocate yeah fun thing okay and get passionate about it make this your thing like well i don't collecting factoids i know you don't yeah but you seem very it's just

you would be so assured of it you don't want him to but you're damn near certain he will crunch the data and figure out what the chances are what if I go full lifestyle change is there some sort of like lifespan calculator what if I go TJ mode for the next year you ain't doing that I might you've tried it

you were going to dunk in three months I'm gonna can you deliver the rest of your the rest of your points in Black Seinfeld? I hope he lives a long, prosperous life and has a very healthy family, but the numbers state that it would be less than probable or less than likely that you're gonna live to lady what odds so matter of fact you had me at 66 well that's for like a double multiplier guess that's like what like plus plus 500 you're celebrating big if that one plus 200 yeah

you got this brandon so let's say you and I... No. Silence the haters, Brandon. Let's say you and I maintain contact through the years. Sure. Against all odds. That alone would probably kill you early. But you and I maintain contact. And we eventually get to an agreement where if I die before 66, you get $100,000.

So it comes that in the year I turn 65 i have a heart attack and die how happy are you it depends how in contact we are i mean oh my god i mean that's a real thing right if you guys lost contact you'd be you obviously jay i did say in the hypothetical let's say we maintain contact you obviously you obviously don't accept my friends you obviously don't accept the money and you give it back to the family correct if it's in the wills it's in his wishes you accept yeah you so you take every but you take the money but you take the money and you give it back to the family, correct? I don't know if it's in the wills, it's in his wishes. You accept, yeah, you accept. So you take the money and then you obviously would just give it back to his family. He's a bastard, right? Yeah, I think so. You going into the ground well, Sean, I bet.

This is teetering heartless. No, no, no, he'll give you the money, but you then do the right thing. He'll give you the money, but then you'll do the right thing and give the money back to his wife and kid. I think you're a bastard. This is stone cold shit. Maybe I'd cover the funeral. I mean, I don't know. You'd give them.

Buy like a tray of hoagies or something. I mean, this is just a friendly wager. How friendly is this? A friendly wager. This is about my death. You brought it up. I don't think I did. You said you were going to die at 80.

I don't know. In which case, I pointed out, statistically, not likely. I don't know in which case I pointed out statistically not likely I Don't think you did bring it up I think I asked you will you ever delete social media at any point in your life like when you're 80 or something and then She just go chase golf. Oh, he'll be dead, but we should ask Sean Marion. How long you're gonna live All right, just real quick. Do you think everybody in this room other than me is going to 80? You give us all of our ages. KB's going to live long.

We are bigger. Taller. Yeah, I'm curious if he does it to you, too. If I had to guess, I think the person who lives the shortest age-wise number is Mook. Yeah. He just... Yeah. Just terrible luck.

Okay. But how do you think it would be? What's going to get him? Something unforeseen. Just based on, like, socioeconomic factors. Yeah. Curious, Jay. What's your number?

I don't know. I don't want to live, like, crazy long. 80s. I could see you getting 101. No, he's going to be, like, 120. Yeah. If I can, like, take care of myself and have my wits, then that's fine. But once I don't forget, I just pull the plug.

Yeah, thank God you have your wits. The plug. Are your kids Asian? What the fuck? What? They take good care of their elders. That's true. Che's Asian.

I'm just double checking. Okay. Half. Not half. Your kids are quarter. I am half, yes. My kids are quarter. This is...

Okay. Should we spin our wheel? Yeah, let's spin our wheel because we've got to do the three-point contest. Hopefully we'll have my voice back tomorrow. I'm not going to talk

the rest of the day. Brandon, are you going to make changes? No whispering. I've got to talk to TJ. We'll see my voice back tomorrow. I'm not going to talk the rest of the day. Brandon, are you going to make changes? You know whispering? I've got to talk to TJ. We'll see how hard it is. Does whispering strain it more? Whisper has a strange ag. TJ, how much weight have you lost in the last four months?

73 pounds. Jesus Christ. That's amazing. That's unbelievable. Congrats. I think you're skinnier than... You lost an entire Ellie schnit. Yeah.

Fuck. Brandon, but TJ's been hungry this whole... What's the longest you've gone hungry? Me? Yeah. 20 minutes? Yeah. I don't know if you've ever been hungry.

I get hungry in the morning. Yeah, that's maybe true. I get hungry in the mornings. Like, I's maybe true. I get hungry in the mornings. Like, I'll skip breakfast sometimes, and then I get hungry, and I have to go rectify it. The worst is waking up full. I do that a lot. That's a really fat guy move. Waking up heavy, dude.

Like, sometimes my wife doesn't wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning to make me breakfast, and I have to come to work without breakfast. Do you yell at her? Do you holler no but i'll i'll no but then when i get about 20 minutes out i'll go ahead and order a breakfast to the office and i'll try to meet it here so probably about 45 minutes okay and how are you during that time angry so extend that five months tj you've been hungry for five months? You could tell it was affecting TJ when we were tearing potatoes on Friday. Yes. Yeah, potatoes are sick.

I've been hungry the whole time. Your stomach's shrinking. You're probably not as hungry over time. Get lap band surgery. Cheat. Nah, I can't do that. I can't cheat. Yeah, you can. Nah, because I remember when I tried the Z. Nah, I can't do that. I can't cheat. Yeah, you can.

Nah, because I remember when I tried the Zoloft, I was on it for about two weeks and it didn't work. I don't think cheats are made for me. What about Ozempic? Is there an update on Ozempic? Like, any research? I get all my Ozempic news from you. Who's the country star that's losing her ass? Oh, yeah, yeah, she is losing her ass.

People are pissed about that. Yeah. They call it the giat cost on Twitter. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, I'm into that. What is giat? Is how you say it? Yeah.

It's not giat? It's a little bit of both. Like, when you get up, I'm like, in my head, I'm like, giat. All right, let's do this three-point challenge. Are you wearing shorts? Everyone's wearing shorts? Who's in it? I'm wearing shorts.

This is with us? No, we're not in it. Am I in it? I don't know. They weren't on the email. Oh. You look at who the email gets sent to? I looked.

Now it makes me feel stupid. I just was about to say I looked to see if i was on it but i got the email so that oh damn that's a brainless fucking show live live to 80 all right see you tomorrow i'll have my voice back i promise part of my take youtube for this three point i'm not It's the act. It's the act. Part of my take YouTube. Links in the chat. Go watch.

Bye.