The Yak - Titus is Back from His Swiss Honeymoon | The Yak 9-3-24

Episode Date: September 3, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. Hello, it's the Yak. Welcome in. Promo code Yak on Roback.com. Roback.com. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. 20% off your first purchase.
Starting point is 00:00:40 Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Mark Titus is back. Wow. We ring look i missed so much on this show yeah i missed so much yeah oh you did yeah you did what uh you watched i you of course of course i was woke up every night yeah yeah um i almost got doxxed Your honeymoon almost was ruined Truly ruined Truly ruined Everyone keeps saying this and I have no Knowledge of what this means at all
Starting point is 00:01:14 So TJ was out TJ welcome back as well Also Steven who cannot come That was another thing I missed Dick surgery If a robber walked into this office right now, into the yak, and he pointed a gun at all the men, and he said
Starting point is 00:01:30 come or I'm going to kill you, only one of us would die. Hopefully that doesn't happen. You can't come. Kate would die too, right? But that's just because nobody cares. We have to figure out how this one works. It's not tested, so.
Starting point is 00:01:46 All Kate would have to do is tie his wedding ring. What? He would have to slowly slip off his wedding ring. Bang. Yeah, he can't come right now. What's going on, Steve? I might be able to. What? No, I said you can't.
Starting point is 00:01:59 Go try. Prove it. Wait, wait. I didn't know this. Way too risky. He already can't? What's the back story? He's got a vasectomy. Oh thursday you actually missed the draft uh we drafted so he got a
Starting point is 00:02:11 vasectomy he can't come right now for seven days after the seven days he has to come 50 times before it's all all his future children are gone it's cumless spunk. Yeah. Before his genocide is over. So we did a draft on dates. $1,000 cash prize for when the 50th cum would be. Did somebody draft for Titus? Wait, can Titus? No. Yeah, Titus, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:02:39 Wait, can he see our guesses? He'll try to be a dickhead. When does the clock start? September 11't. When does the clock start? September 11th. When does the clock start? I think Thursday or Friday. Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Or actually, I wasn't here for the discussion, but seven days from then. Wait, is your first jerk-off day September 11th? Is it? No, it was a week from... No, it's pretty soon. A second hand has hit the tower. September 5th. No, it was pretty soon. September 5th? September 5th, all right. So 50 comes from September 5th.
Starting point is 00:03:08 A hijack. All right. So, Steve, I don't know. Is he just going to knock them out real quick? I think that's going to take four months, five months. Wow, okay. So what's your official date? Give me... Okay, five months. Wow. Okay, so what's your official date? Give me, okay, so September.
Starting point is 00:03:27 So October, November, December, January, February. Yeah, give me, he's going to save it for Valentine's Day. His last day. Wow. What a gift. What a gift for your partner. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:03:39 I don't think anyone had Valentine's Day. Does anyone have Valentine's Day? No, you're the last on that. Oh, yeah. I hate to break it to you guys. I'm going to be raw dogging my Halloween. What? Raw dogging by Halloween? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Shout out to me. If you see, I believe in my boy. I guess he shouldn't have seen this, but whatever. It doesn't matter. He's going to be an honest man. But, yeah. I don't think you have the stamina, Steve. I don't think you can... Oh, we should have said tampering is allowed yes oh tampering tampering is allowed yes tampering is allowed non-physical tampering you can't go
Starting point is 00:04:14 up and send him sexy pictures but you can send him oh yeah send him like oh right okay foreign objects allowed yeah foreign objects allowed no touching what No touching. What turns you off, Steve? Bucks losses. I don't think about sex during football at all. At all? Do you think about football during sex? No. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:38 I don't believe that. Wait, but what if a hot cheerleader was on the screen? Not effective. Or a commercial where the barbecue sauce drips down. You know what I mean? Yeah. Barbecue sauce. Don't get hung up on that.
Starting point is 00:04:51 What if someone had porn right next to you? During football? Yeah. That ain't happening. I'm going to be in jail. I'm not hanging out with Zaha very often because that could be... All right, so what turns you off, Steven? I mean, a lot of things.
Starting point is 00:05:12 Clearly not. What would you think about to prolong a session? Probably baseball. Okay. But you don't even know baseball. Yeah. So you wouldn't even think about baseball. Whatever.
Starting point is 00:05:25 I actually have some baseball. You know, we'll do it. I got to tell you the doxing thing, and then we got to get back to what I wanted to tell Stephen. So Lucas, TJ was out. Lucas filled in Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Wednesday's show, 90 seconds into the show, he pulled up something on his screen, and it was a DM. It was like his Twitter, and then you saw his DMs, and it was a DM to you, and it was him sending a phone number.
Starting point is 00:05:56 And we thought, at first we had thought that it was your phone number. Yeah. It turned out it was just Lucas' phone number. He got 4,000 calls that show. And that was, yes. Yeah, that would have ruined my honeymoon. Yeah, it would have. We all were very nervous.
Starting point is 00:06:12 I would have had to have killed him. Yeah. And when we were like, take it down, take it down, he clicked, and he just did the wheel graphic, and it was a wheel, a perfect circle, bright circle around the number. Yeah, made it even bigger. So then we played Jeopardy with the listeners For two days straight. So we just called people from his phone.
Starting point is 00:06:30 Yeah, look at that. And that's Lucas quote tweeting a woman that had a lot of texts. He's like, you think that's a lot? Yeah. Look how popular I am. Oh, Lucas. Of course he uses it to his gain. But we did find out we're going to probably get a phone line for this show.
Starting point is 00:06:44 That's exciting. We're going to get it a phone line for this show. That's exciting. We're going to get it back. I mean, he used to have callers, but it was fun playing Jeopardy with the callers. So fun. Yeah, we're going to try to do that. But yeah, that happened. And then I guess you also missed. So this week is a huge week. We have tomorrow Data Day, Thursday, Will Compton Day, where we will break ground on his museum,
Starting point is 00:07:06 which is going to be in the handicapped stall of the men's basketball team. Okay. That one just was simple. Will was looking for a jersey in his house that he couldn't find, and then he found it on eBay and someone was selling it, and I just swooped in and bought it, and then I decided to buy all will compton memorabilia i have spent probably a thousand dollars on will compton memorabilia
Starting point is 00:07:31 in the last 10 days that's a lot of memorabilia it is so we're a lot of pieces yeah and so his museum i have it all planned we're gonna have a whole celebration will will be here he's gonna give a speech uh like he's going into can Canton, but it will be for the handicap stall and it will stay up. So all of his. So if you go into the handicap stall in the far bathroom, it will just be Will Compton. Shrine of Will Compton. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:53 Did a painting. Yep. We're going to put that up. We actually might have too much stuff. It's going to look like Applebee's. It's going to be tough to blow it up. Yeah. There's going to be too much stuff in there.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Yeah. But yeah, that will be Thursday. And then Friday we have a big guest. What? Big guest. Yeah. Big guest. Massive dude.
Starting point is 00:08:15 I don't know. Give the dimensions of the man. Let's just say. Friday will be booming. Oh, so he is big. It's Antonio Brown. Antonio Brown. He's going to come in and call us a bunch of slurs.
Starting point is 00:08:34 It's going to be great. It's going to be great. But, yeah, big week. So, yeah, you missed. I don't know what else you missed, but that was. Oh, yeah, purple hat. He went on a tear. What are we doing with texas you don't yeah you know oh now just so you know fleming is on the side of
Starting point is 00:08:52 that doesn't count you side with fleming that's not a hat it's a headpiece all right you could say the same for the do-rag and that was amazing yeah judgment has already been passed nothing i say is going to matter but uh that is my piece we also we clemmer turned on us on friday he's he's he's mad at us he's he's realized this is a punishment and he's not happy but like all his content before that he was punishing himself yeah the locking himself in there like that's what he wanted to do that's the punishment you get to travel the entire country? Yes. See every state in this great union?
Starting point is 00:09:29 So yeah, he started. We did GeoGuessr to see where he started. He started in New Mexico, which isn't ideal. That was so casual. He just went there. He and Jacob went on the road last week for an entire week, and you could see the path they took. There it is.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Yeah. So we've got a lot of hats. What state weren't they successful in? Iowa. Davenport, he said. They got locked out of Iowa. But we decided to. So he gets a little break now, but when he gets close,
Starting point is 00:10:01 we're going to have him do Wisconsin as the last one, and we're going gonna do a flash mob up in like milwaukee like invite as many people as possible so like when he gets it we can just have everyone go crazy and then we'll just forget this all yeah yeah immediately our week might have been better than yours yeah it sounds like it yeah that's what as i was uh drinking champagne and eating chocolate and having sex with my wife i was was thinking, is Stephen Che going to say over or under eight and a half wins for the range? No, Daddy Day hasn't started yet.
Starting point is 00:10:30 That's tomorrow. That's tomorrow. Oh, so I get to still do that? You still get to do that. Okay. Well, hell yeah. This is great. This is the best of both worlds. If you were drinking champagne and having sex with your wife and seeing Paris and all this stuff, you were probably thinking like, man, I wish I was with the guys thinking how we can get Stephen Chia to come.
Starting point is 00:10:47 To come, yeah. You were looking at the Matterhorn. You were just like, I hope nobody takes Valentine's Day for his bust. Oh, look at that. Okay. Is that a yak? Let's just call it one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:59 That's a yak. All right. That's a yak. Wow, you were thinking of us. Yeah. That's so sweet. Did you hike a lot? We actually did yeah We didn't need to
Starting point is 00:11:09 I was a hard ass There was a lot of gondolas That take you up the mountains And I was the hard ass I was like let's just hike We'll have a better view We can stop for pictures She was not a fan of that decision
Starting point is 00:11:24 So you get up to the top And there's just people in stilettos Walking around view we can stop for pictures we can do all that and uh she was not a fan of that decision so you get up to the top and then there's just people and like stilettos walking around with tons of energy yeah and you're very fucking tired but um the sheep though aren't on the like you had to you had to hike to see them so the axe for me yeah the axe i'm sorry theaks win for me. The Alps. Yeah. Pretty good, yeah. Yeah. Like it made you feel? It did, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:50 They were great, yeah. The weather in Switzerland. It was hotter than I realized. They also don't do air conditioning or deodorant. I learned quickly. Oh. They're odorous. It's my first time going to Europe.
Starting point is 00:12:02 I learned that very quickly. BO everywhere. Did it kind of start smelling good? Never at any point was I there. What phenomenon is that? I don't know. Sometimes when someone has really bad BO, it's like so bad. You're like, at least I'm...
Starting point is 00:12:19 Hold on, hear me out. This is probably a stupid thought. You can tell me it's dumb. And as I'm saying it, I know it's dumb. But there is a feeling of like i'm feeling something yeah it's like when you get horrible news yeah like there's there's like i'm alive right now because i can't breathe such a novel extreme experience right you have a crisis at your doorstep and now you have to act right how fascinating yeah your adrenaline starts to pump you're're like, I can't really smell. I can't breathe.
Starting point is 00:12:47 Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'm just an adrenaline. It's a sensation. Yeah. Not good ever. It does kind of wake you up. Yeah, it pisses me off.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Don't be stinky. And certain fellas, a little bit of it. Not bad. Oh, see? Mixed with a cologne. A little bit of it. That's what they do. The dudes just cake and cologne all over the pub.
Starting point is 00:13:08 Like, they're sitting on a park bench next to strangers, and they're just spraying cologne. And you know it's because they're like, oh, I smell a little bit, so let me just douse myself in cologne. That'll fix it. It does not. It doesn't fix. What were the Swiss people like?
Starting point is 00:13:21 Oh, very kind, yeah. I'm always fascinated by how people can figure out what language you speak. I don't know. I must give off American energy or something, but they speak German there, but they also are close to Italy, so there's a lot of Italian. There's a lot of French speaking. And everywhere we would go, there was never like a feel-it-out process. We'd just walk up and they'd say hello.
Starting point is 00:13:43 Yeah. He knew right away. Were you wearing a baseball hat? Not really not really a lot he had a gun yeah it is i don't know they can spot they can just figure you out they just know exactly i wouldn't automatically assume american for you yeah that's what i try i try so hard to be your you have like the anatomical geometry of a european yeah yeah because when i went to paris i had the same thing happen to me, but I just assumed they've never seen a man with that much hair. You're undeniable.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Yeah, they're like, Eric, what is he eating? It's a goddamn American. We don't make them like that. I don't think Kyle and I will be here for Data Day tomorrow. What? I know. No. You have to cancel. What do you have?
Starting point is 00:14:27 Commercial for High Noon Okay, who's running it? Rutt What time is it at? It starts at like 7am I think Is it here or you gotta go somewhere? We gotta go around the city We gotta get him in here
Starting point is 00:14:44 I'm gonna get him in here I I'm going to get him in here. I can watch. Corey's one of those guys. He'll get flustered. Well, I don't know what you want me to do. This has been set in stone for weeks. I mean, we can't move Wilcompton Day. No, we can't.
Starting point is 00:14:58 I would rather die than miss Data Day. I guess we could move Wilcompton Day to next week. No. Oh, because he'll be here yeah no no it has to be no this is this is setting up for an all-time we'll get cory in here we're i just called him in here we have to it's data day yeah we'll rearrange i i remember i forgot we agreed to it months ago right now yes right now right now, you're in trouble. Oh, I think he's in a meeting. You're in trouble. For tomorrow. You're in trouble.
Starting point is 00:15:27 Emergency ASAP. Is that enough? Red alarm. Okay. There we go. Yeah, I told him, you're right now, yes, right now, you're in trouble. Emergency ASAP. And the alarm went off.
Starting point is 00:15:42 That should get him here. That should get him here. I developed a weird obsession where there's this town in Switzerland, Wangen I think it's called. It's spelled – the Vs and Ws mess me up. It has a W. They say a V. You can go to a little tourism office. They sell you a wooden ball, and then throughout the town they have these
Starting point is 00:16:01 basically marble runs, but they're bigger. And so my wife and I each bought our own ball, and we're just walking around dropping them and watching them race. And it was the dumbest thing in the world, and I couldn't get enough of it. And I was six years old just running around like, where's the next one? I'm pushing kids out of the way, trying to put more. Dropping your wooden ball? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:20 This whole little village just has all these little- So we should do that. And I thought that. I was like, we need to get this. Yeah. We need to get this in the office somewhere. Yeah, we should just have it everywhere. We should just have these like...
Starting point is 00:16:31 Wait, wait. Is the ball on a track? Yeah, there it is. There you go. There's one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bubble run. Maybe it's the most here.
Starting point is 00:16:37 Let's just have another look at that. Some of them are cooler than others, but I was just like, what an idea. Just walking around town with your ball. Did you have to return your ball? No, I still have it. No kidding. Yeah. Was there a little Joe Montana at the bottom?
Starting point is 00:16:49 Let's catch it. Hello. There's a tracking device on it. Oh. Yeah, we need this. Titus, this is a romantic-ass honeymoon. She's like, can we stop? No, no.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Your face does not need to be in the video. No, he needs it. He needs it. I was like, honey, I explicitly said best of 13. We have to. Oh, that's fun. Get over here. You're in trouble ASAP.
Starting point is 00:17:18 Red alarm. It makes cool sounds, too. Sit down. That would make me want to have married sex. We got to get back. Corey. Oh God, what'd I do? Do you know what tomorrow is?
Starting point is 00:17:35 Sounds like you do. Wednesday? No. He's right. Do overthink it. Yeah. Overthink it a lot. The punt.
Starting point is 00:17:43 No. What's tomorrow? Tomorrow's data lot. The punt. No. What's tomorrow? Tomorrow's data day. Data day. Got it. It's probably the number one most hallowed day on the yak. Okay. How can I help?
Starting point is 00:17:57 Free these men. Oh, shit. Yo, that's... I'm helping that out. No, no, no, no, no. Wait, aren't we doing that after the yak? Don't pass it off. I thought it was in the morning. I aren't we doing that after the act? Don't pass it off. I thought it was in the morning.
Starting point is 00:18:06 I think we're doing it after the act. Don't pass it off. Oh, I guess we haven't got... I thought it was early morn. Oh, dude. I would gladly shoot this later after the act. Yep, all right. Hold on, but for the record, I'm Team Anus.
Starting point is 00:18:21 I will send the... Make it happen right now. Okay, let's see if we can do this. These boys need to be here for dinner. All right, wait, let me put this on so I can send the appropriate messages. Make it happen right now. Okay, let's see if we can do this. These boys need to be here for data. All right, wait. Let me put this on so I can send it to them. Was it Kyle that caught the mistake last year? Yes.
Starting point is 00:18:31 What happened? No. Data day. I was never correct. No, that was a common mistake. I think Chad caught it. Chad caught it. We need Chad on their game tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Let me see if I can handle this, and I'll be quiet for a second. Coffee up. Focus. Have some walnuts. Tell us what you're texting. I'm sending this to the... Use the red alert. Use the red alert.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Red alert. Thanks, Big Cat. You guys can't miss that. I was really upset when it hit me. You should have alerted me earlier. I forgot about everything. Both things. You'll be here for will compton yes
Starting point is 00:19:06 very exciting that's during yak yeah and everyone uh i'll have a tire for everyone a tire yeah never mind never mind actually you might want to dress up like will compton oh that's a great idea yeah i have a lot of jerseys. Hmm. I'll have to think that one through. Yeah. Are any of them signed? At least two of them, I believe. Okay.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Yeah. We should all sign it, too. Yeah. Yeah, we should sign it. We should use that as the guest book. Yeah. You use that bathroom, you sign the jersey. Oh, that's great. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:44 You're in trouble, emergency. Yes, we said high noon after the act. Boom. Boom. I thought very early. How are the legs? Oh, yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:19:53 They look good. All right, boys. See you, boys. We did it. We did it. We fucking did it. Thank you, Corey. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:02 That's a load off. Easy. Yeah. Look at that. That was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be Crisis averted I kind of don't want to do it after the act though Alright Corey get back here Should we have somebody else do it in our stead
Starting point is 00:20:17 Do you have any doppelganger Yeah that'll make for a long day That's too long Nick and KB can't do it after the act. You're going to have to figure that out. Can we hire actors playing us? Can we have actors play?
Starting point is 00:20:33 How long is this shoot? Three hours. Do you want to do it before? Nah, we'll go after. Okay, after. They're fine with after. They're fine with after. Okay, they're fine with after. They're fine with after. Okay, they're fine with after.
Starting point is 00:20:52 You guys need to put a little more pressure on Corey. Corey fights for us, though. There was one commercial shoot where we asked for 100 Thai actors, and he reached out, and we had him, but then the idea got shot down. What was that idea? I forget. Thai actors? People from Thailand. We wanted him to do the idea got shot down What was that idea? I forget People from Thailand To do a meet and greet And act like only 20 Thai men
Starting point is 00:21:12 Came Like everyone Would be able to distinguish That they were Thai He was just like yeah okay we'll run with that And he reached out to like 20 Thai actors We should do a Thai meet and greet He was just like, yeah, okay, we'll run with that. And he reached out to like 20 Thai actors. We should do a Thai meet and greet.
Starting point is 00:21:32 We just wanted it for the photo of just like the anus meet and greet. That's a Thai man. He shouldn't have listened to that. But yeah, that's why. Yeah, he fights. He does the most. By the way Brandon's doing Wrestling right now
Starting point is 00:21:47 Which is now It's a thing now Is that twice now Where it's Yeah it's just hurting the Twice in three episodes Of wrestling That's interfered
Starting point is 00:21:56 Brutal That sucks I miss him Like crazy But he is in a good mood I walked with him This morning for a little bit What's his pace?
Starting point is 00:22:05 He was good. He actually was trying to out-walk me. I have a bone to pick with Kyle Bauer. Oh, no. Oh. Wait, before we do that, game time. We love getting our live events. Whether it's a concert, football game, or comedy show,
Starting point is 00:22:18 we always use game time. Official ticketing partner, Barstool Sports. You know how much we love game time. Now with their brand new game oh, game time picks feature. They're making it even easier to play into the camera. Game time picks filters out the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great seats so you don't have to waste time searching through the thousands of tickets. I was looking at tickets.
Starting point is 00:22:38 Pirates at Cubs tonight. Paul Skeen's on the bump. Yes. Paul Skeen's might be here tomorrow doing the gauntlet. No. Really? He's coming in $8 if you want to go Pull up your chosen event, turn on GTPix
Starting point is 00:22:50 setting at the top of the screen or browse the best local GameTimePix deals near you on your GameTime app homepage What are you waiting for? I'm going to buy those Cubs tickets now with GameTimePix Download the GameTime app today, use code YAK to easily score great deals with the new GameTimePix What time is it game
Starting point is 00:23:06 time we need to pull up the pirates media rankings when if he comes yes yes like hey I'm yeah number by the way TJ can we talk to Brandon through that or no no fuck can we like spin the camera around so he notices it yeah um
Starting point is 00:23:21 or we'll screw him up I like the um can we turn off the wrestling TV? I think I can Yeah just wiggle it back and forth You can change I can change the TV Oh you can change the TV You can change the TV
Starting point is 00:23:31 That's good Wait change Wait can you Can you just Can you change to us? Find like a Yeah Yeah change to us
Starting point is 00:23:37 Change to us I can change it to the Yak logo Yeah No can you change it to our feed of us? No Change What else do you have saved on there? An embarrassing picture of Brandon or something?
Starting point is 00:23:45 Yeah. Just pop up and... Lucas' phone number. Can you put Lucas' phone number up? Yeah. No, wait. Pull up that picture of Che on the Troy Polamalu wig.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Yeah. From the preseason Steelers-Giants game. You could change that? That'd be great. I want to see it live. He's cheating on us. Yeah. I know, and he's into it.
Starting point is 00:24:12 He's so, oh, he, listen. One thing about Brandon, if he could give everything else up and just talk about it, he would do that in a second. In a second. How is he feeling after week one of college football? Titus?
Starting point is 00:24:28 He seemed pretty happy, but Ole Miss is pretty good. I think that's got him shook a little bit. Ole Miss is damn good. Florida State is 0-2 after week one. Yeah, and the guy won't eat the shit. The guy won't eat shit. I saw that. It's crazy he won't eat the shit. I gave my take
Starting point is 00:24:46 on the rundown. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. No, people can make boasts online. That's what the internet's for. They were 17-point favorites. Dude, don't eat the shit. Didn't PFT eat poop? PFT did eat poop. That's his job. This guy will probably get hired by Barstool.
Starting point is 00:25:02 If he eats the shit. Yeah, I mean, it would be a good career move. That Eagles guy at the Superool. If he eats the shit. Yeah, I mean, it would be a good career move. That Eagles guy at the Super Bowl parade, he ate the horse poop. But now he's got to not eat the shit for a while. Yeah, and he's a household name. He's got to build the hype, though. I think now you don't eat the shit. You let it build a little bit and find the right moment to capitalize.
Starting point is 00:25:17 But he does eventually have to eat the shit. Let me run this by you all. Eating the shit, technically. Would you let him dry it and grate it over a wrap it has to be moist there has to be some moistness okay moisture put it in a pill capsule no okay it's dog shit yeah he's got to take a spoon eat it does he have to flip the spoon upside down he's gonna twirl it can he pick the breed? Can he feed the dog beforehand? Yes, I'll let him feed the dog. He's got to be like the ice cream tester.
Starting point is 00:25:47 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't PFT do this with horses? Yeah, he grabbed it right out of the bag. Yeah. He's got to eat the shit. Is this like a super active Twitter user? I think he was somewhat. Jack Mack found him in like two seconds.
Starting point is 00:26:03 Yeah, did this guy, does he have an audience of tens and somehow this one blew up? I think he had like. Jack Mack found him in like two seconds. Yeah, did this guy, does he have an audience of tens? And somehow this one blew up. I think he had like around 1,000 followers. So he was like, you know, active on Florida State Twitter. But he definitely thought if they lose, nothing's going to happen. Correct. No one's going to see this.
Starting point is 00:26:17 Who cares? Correct. Jack Mack's on his Ancestry.com. Again, if it was like a five-point spread, it'd be like, all right, whatever. But they were 17-point favorites. They lost by 14, 15 points. He's got to eat the shit.
Starting point is 00:26:32 He doesn't have to eat the shit. He does, Nick. How many times have you... John Rich has to cut his head off. Yeah, we're still waiting on that. I actually agree with that. It did. The funny thing is, like, Tate has...
Starting point is 00:26:44 It ramped up on Tate. Because Tate has a list of – That's right. Well, Tate's seeing what's happening to this guy. Tate has significantly more followers and has been very – But, as I told him, no chance Ohio State loses a game. Yeah. The Purdue one's the worst, for sure.
Starting point is 00:27:01 Oh, that's the one he's most nervous about. That's absolutely the worst. And Purdue is one of those teams that they'll be they'll be ohio state every like seven years randomly he's lucky i think it's in columbus this year right i think so i think that helps him if it was at purdue we're losing that game they were down three nothing to akron right they were yeah all right what's your what's your bone to pick, yeah. We had an anus team dinner at Twin Anchor last night. Nice. Great ribs.
Starting point is 00:27:29 I chose not to eat all day so I could slam a full rack of ribs. Mook full rack. Rudy got the fish fry. Fine. Kyle got salmon salad. Salmon Caesar. What? What?
Starting point is 00:27:42 And we got the spinach dip to share. Kyle didn't have a single bit of that. Dude, Twin Acres has great ribs. You know, I said what I said about barbecue. What did you say? I said a lot, I think. Barbecue sauce, no. No?
Starting point is 00:28:02 No. You got a Sal salmon Caesar salad. Too strong of a flavor, and it's a flavor that I don't love. They brought out three different sauces for us. You just said no to barbecue sauce? I don't like barbecue sauce, and I don't. Oh, my God, Kyle. That's brutal.
Starting point is 00:28:18 That's a brutal visual. Am I wrong to be mad? No, you're not. You're absolutely right to be mad. You don't win. And then everybody else went to DQ afterwards kyle ubert hum yeah kyle yeah i don't want my gullet filled with things that i don't love i have autonomy to eat what i want and i'm going to do that to the best of my preferences kyle because that makes the rest of the table maybe feel kind of bad.
Starting point is 00:28:46 Yeah. Yes, it does. No. Like they're bullet fillers. Like they're gross. This is like some barbecue meetup. Like we're going to. It's a rib restaurant.
Starting point is 00:28:54 They're known for the rib. That's a barbecue plate. They're not known for their salmon salads. How was the salad though? Because I need to know that before I. It came out last. We had ours out. I was halfway through.
Starting point is 00:29:06 I always get salmon in a Caesar. I think it works perfectly. I love the texture of salmon. It's like when you're day drinking and you're outside smoking and somebody goes running by. Yeah. Don't do anything while I'm day drinking.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Right. Don't do anything good for you. Kyle. I know. I understand. I don't think you do because I think you'd do it again. it again I know I don't I don't understand I fast yeah you don't I'm getting angry yeah yeah let it out no no because I don't care enough now I'm angry but there's something it's it's not about the food it's about the bonding with the boys. Right. Getting your hands messy.
Starting point is 00:29:45 I love the meats that come with barbecue. Less sauce. You got to put your own amount of sauce on. It's like when I eat barbecue, I feel like I'm drinking barbecue and eating nothing in particular. Because you can't even taste the meat. That is what you said about barbecue. Yeah, it's like drinking shots of barbecue sauce. Less is more, in my opinion. Sauces I like said about barbecue. Yeah, it's like drinking shots of barbecue sauce. Less is more, in my opinion.
Starting point is 00:30:07 Sauces I like more than barbecue. Sriracha. Okay. Okay. And there's much better sauces than Sriracha. Do the math. That's your eighth favorite sauce. Is barbecue in your top 20 sauces?
Starting point is 00:30:24 No. Wow. What? Wow. You can't your top 20 sauces? No. Wow. What? No. Wow. You can't name 20 sauces before you get to barbecue. What about an appropriate amount of barbecue? They bring out the fat.
Starting point is 00:30:33 It's got to just be lightly bathed. Okay. Mmm. I'll go. There we go. Oh, TJ's back. He's going to put fucking, yeah, Jif peanut butter S. Sour cream over it? that's not even a sauce.
Starting point is 00:30:45 I don't know. Sour cream is repulsive. Ketchup. I love it. Ketchup. No, ketchup, it depends on the food. A1. If it's breakfast food, yes.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Anything else? A1 is S. If it's a dinner entree, no ketchup. There goes TJ. A1 is bad. A1 isn't good. You don't like sauce. I don't like the way it makes it.
Starting point is 00:31:02 You don't like sauce. No, you don't like sauces. That's the problem. I'm the one who started to conceive the idea of the sauce bar. How soon we forget. Orange chicken. Orange chicken? Yes, please.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Exhibit B. There's a very cool person walking by. Do you have the... He's one of my favorites. Do you have the picture ready to go? Yeah, you want Brandon's high school photo or chain of wig? Thank you I like chain of wig
Starting point is 00:31:28 Oh, this looks so good And it smells good Thank you, this is awesome Oh Yeah Yes Yeah. Yes. Oh, he's just put it together. Yep.
Starting point is 00:31:54 He's now realizing what's happening. What else should we put up? Is there any shirtless photos of Brandon? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah, we got a shirtless photo of Brandon. Listen, can we listen?
Starting point is 00:32:19 I fear we're making this show better. Yeah, can we listen to him? Okay, next up. That's fucked him okay next up that's fucked up oh that's fucked up wait dj can you put a wheel up there or no no ah be funny if you just put a kiss wheel and just had their two names yeah what else what else can we put up put Brandon with something real bad something really bad like a fucking swastika like a bloody swastika
Starting point is 00:32:53 yeah a swastika giving the finger what else can we put up there a naughty swastika that says I don't want to do my homework fuck you mom do you have a shirtless picture Brandon we can put up Swastika that says I don't want to do my homework. Fuck you, mom. Do you have a shirtless picture of Brandon we could put up?
Starting point is 00:33:13 That would be a funny comic. I'm not eating my broccoli. Like David, the mean swastika. Nazi Bart Simpson. Eat my shorts. That swastika is a real piece of shit. Yeah. That has legs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:32 That's a winner. Put some muscle up, TJ. That orange chicken was incredible. Very good. So good. Did you eat it? Did you eat it? I ate it in one bite.
Starting point is 00:33:45 And it was like the perfect amount of sauce. I don't want when things are dripping sauce. You don't like the sauce everywhere? Yeah, if it's... You're ignoring what I'm saying. If it's shit... Yeah, I agree with what you're saying, Kyle. I think you're also not addressing the actual issue.
Starting point is 00:34:02 You smother your own ribs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. S-Y-O-R. You controlother your own ribs. Yeah. Yeah. S-Y-O-R. You control your sauce. Mm-hmm. So I had like a Korean fusion rib that I thought was fantastic.
Starting point is 00:34:13 I would do that. No pushback when we said, let's do rib night. Yeah, I wanted to just chill with you guys. You should have, at that point you should have said, I'm down for rib night, but it's going to be salad night night for me i didn't know that was so important to like a group i would never care pretty important someone ordered it's pretty important it's like getting
Starting point is 00:34:34 chicken at a steakhouse yeah dude i always vote the lowest percentage in the Mount Rushmore polls. Really? I was high on a 5%. Oh, he's droopy. Where are his nipples? Below? That's tough. He's actually upset about that. That one's tough. He was working game. That's from like COVID
Starting point is 00:35:01 Walk the Line. They used to do shirtless episodes. Look how low his tits are. That's from like COVID Walk the Line. They used to do like shirtless episodes. Look how low his tits are. Oh. That's bad. Oh. What could the. Oh, I think he's ending the interview. I think that spoiled everything.
Starting point is 00:35:20 And that was great having you on. Hope we have you on again. That's wrestling. That's wrestling. That's wrestling. It'll be a good episode. Tune in. Subscribe. Yeah, tune in.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Oh, she gave a little sultry look there. Oh, is he still going? He's got rapport. I haven't seen her talk once yet. Oh, there she goes. She's like, a couple things. What about Che and the football pads on the train One of my favorite pictures I'm not going to be mad at you anymore Kyle
Starting point is 00:36:02 I'm not mad I was for a minute. I was confused for a second. That's it. And then missing... You could have won it all back by going to DQ with the boys. How are you... Wait, after a big dinner, I never want dessert.
Starting point is 00:36:16 Just get gluttonous, yeah. You always need dessert. That's why your body's so fucking good. Yeah. I eat like shit. No, you don't. I had blueberry coffee cake last night what wait you left your fucking animal like later i need to sit like i need like two hours you had a
Starting point is 00:36:31 salad yeah it's like still meat salad i don't know salad i can eat anything i i can eat i eat a salad and then i eat a meal most people do yeah yeah all right do you have breakfast today yes what cream puffs chocolate cereal pastry I did have pastry I have frosted have pastry cereal I had frosted pastry cereal was amazing I had frosted mini wheats I had frosted mini wheats I had frosted mini wheats yeah is that a problem
Starting point is 00:37:10 yeah kinda healthy yeah ish I don't know some Cheerios in there I had baking soda in it what
Starting point is 00:37:18 what so yeah people were talking show me one thread one pseudo scientific thread on baking soda being a performance enhancer, and I'm doing it. You had baking soda for breakfast?
Starting point is 00:37:31 In water. I had a little bit too much. I had like four teaspoons. What is it supposed to do? It's supposed to make you work out a lot better. Are you just poisoning yourself? It made me feel horrible. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Did you like start foaming? So much diarrhea. What is that? Like how much diarrhea? work out a lot better are you just poisoning yourself it made me feel horrible yeah did you like start foaming so much diarrhea what is it like how much diarrhea it was just like the intensity of how it gushed out but it was really relieving after that so i was like that was cool i was like that i don't know it felt pretty good i don't know if it works well but baking soda yeah baking soda is that what's in the oobleck yeah yeah no that was just cornstarch and water did you guys do that
Starting point is 00:38:14 yeah we did and it kind of worked and no one cared oh I have a tiktok about to hit a milli the oobleck yeah it's just me dancing on top of it so not the yak but personally yes it was a huge success for me. Massive. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:27 Phew. I'm going to grab a coffee real quick. Someone do the farmer's dog? Big head has to do farmer's dogs? You have to. Oh, you. Is there another ad? Do high noon?
Starting point is 00:38:39 I will. I'll do high noon. High noon, the moment everyone's been waiting for is finally here. The High Noon Pool Pack is back, so grab a case, text the group, and get your friends to the nearest pool. It's only here for this summer, so now's the time to enjoy lime, peach, and two limited edition flavors, guava and kiwi. As always, the High Noon Pool Pack is made with real vodka and real juice, has 100 calories, is gluten-free, and has no added sugar. Visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you. High Noon. Summer's almost.com to find it near you. High noon.
Starting point is 00:39:06 Summer's almost over. Yeah, it sure is. I don't mind. I am very happy. I always love early fall, but then it just goes so fast. It goes too fast. I hate bees, and it's angry bee season. It's stressing me out.
Starting point is 00:39:22 When does the clock start on get me the fuck out of the time we're in right now? Mid-January? Before that. The holidays do get me through. I love the holidays. I think mid-January is about right. By Valentine's Day, I'm done.
Starting point is 00:39:36 I'm big time done. It drags on so long. You're so tired of the dark and the gray. This is what we're doing. We're talking about weather. On the flight back from Europe, The lag's on so long. You're so tired of the dark and the gray. This is what we're doing. We're talking about weather. Yeah. Talking weather. So on the flight back from Europe, I got the fucking, I mean, we sprung for the lay flat seat situation, right?
Starting point is 00:39:56 And you got the TV screen in front of you. I'm bored and I start, I just like pull up the games and I click on chess and I do, I was like, man, I haven't played chess in ages. And I click on beginner and I'm just fucking around. And I know, I know like where all the pieces can move. I know zero strategy, none whatsoever. Cause I just haven't played since I was like seven years old and I get worked on the beginner level. So I was like, well, that was weird. Let's play again. I get worked again. I played chess on the flight home for like eight hours, I think. I played eight hours of chess. Did not win a single game against the computer on beginner.
Starting point is 00:40:34 And long story short, as soon as we landed, I downloaded the chess app and I'm becoming a chess guy because there's not, there's never been a more humiliating feeling in my life than to have a fucking airline robot beating you on beginner at chess yeah but the that has to be hard because the chess.com beginner is easy yeah so i i did the chess.com and i was like winning i was like thank god yeah that's stupid but now i think i got the itch i don't know what airline was it american do they have who has the smartest passengers it's a good question i'd have to pull the data on chess success so you're saying losing so much motivated you to keep playing
Starting point is 00:41:14 there i've never felt so humiliated like i've never felt like because i do think i'm beginner there there are one of two ways to take it one is to just go fuck this forever i'm done the other is to say i will devote my life to make sure i i do not feel this stupid again do you think there was a picture sent of you of somebody that was sitting behind you able to see your screen just being possibly this dude's lost 15 times in a row i'm gonna be i'm gonna go viral yeah that's that other fucker's been playing for eight hours can't be beginner what are you talking about it was so hard i i got the uh itch for chess because on my flight back It's like, motherfucker's been playing for eight hours. Can't beat beginner. What are you talking about? It was so hard.
Starting point is 00:41:49 I got the itch for chess because on my flight back, I was just fucking around on the preloaded games on the screen. Yeah. And I played chess thinking this would be fun. This will kill 10 minutes. Yeah. And I lost on beginner. And in my mind, beginner is as easy as can be they just like they just take their queen
Starting point is 00:42:05 and throw it right at you and you're like all right i'll take that um and so i was like i got to play again and anyway i ended up playing like seven hours with the chest did not win a single game against this not one not one time yeah and then i got home and downloaded chess.com app and now i've been all i've done since i've been back from the honeymoon have you won yeah yeah okay yeah and i'm like i'm watching tutorials i'm doing all this shit and uh i'm a chess guy now i guess that's my announcement is that's cool i'm a chess guy chess guy is cool there's just a good chess but the reason i'm bringing it up is because there's no i i the feeling like i would rather get dunked on a hundred times out of a hundred than like have someone checkmate you on like four moves yeah and you just sit
Starting point is 00:42:46 there and you're like I'm the dumbest motherfucker I don't know you gotta play Rudy I used to play Rudy every morning when we were in that standby office and it was just it was it was a fantastic feeling oh he sucks he just he just knows how to play and that's the best that's his
Starting point is 00:43:02 the highest bar is like I know what they do it's so great i watch chess highlights a lot but they're never actual highlights of the gameplay it's just magnus carlson yeah showing up late and being like a cursive cunt yeah he's awesome sophisticated he just can't be beat. Just an awkward, sophisticated dickhead. His documentary's sick. Che is good. Che's good at chess? So, my senior year of high school,
Starting point is 00:43:32 you could pick a senior project. It had to be anything, but you could just, like, do it and work on it for months. And mine was teach myself how to learn how to play chess. And it's a game I very much enjoy. I would carry around, like, a big Ziploc bag with the pieces that showed which way to move and a board. People were very accommodating
Starting point is 00:43:48 and played me a lot. You were just walking around senior year of high school with a chess board and a Ziploc bag. Yep. But it was really fun. I like to play now. In the New York office I play with Nick and Francis quite a bit. Did you hustle? I wasn't good enough then.
Starting point is 00:44:04 I played a lot online and I'm decent now. I think I'm 0-3. I don't think I've beaten Che. Really? Francis is pretty good. Yeah. Who would play? I'm going to have to get in the lab.
Starting point is 00:44:16 Get in the lab. We'll have a showdown at some point, Che. Sure. Were you in chess club, Nick? Yeah. Yeah, you were. Damn damn you just knew we had the same fucking yearbook reminisce about it uh were you in chess club nick yep oh by the way brandon's doing another interview so it's awesome doubly and then he stomped When I walked by him I was like
Starting point is 00:44:45 Are you coming on the act And he's like I got another interview I was like Oh I see how it is And then he stomped He did his Brandon stomp No that's not
Starting point is 00:44:51 Hmm He was kind of But it seems like it is It's exactly that It's just him putting himself first And you know We're second class citizens Yeah
Starting point is 00:45:00 I mean It's not like this show Doesn't have a set time every day Right Yeah He could easily have said Like I do my interviews after citizens yeah i mean it's not like this show doesn't have a set time every day right he could easily have said like i do my interviews after or something after today and his excuse is going to be this is a daily show uh i'll be on a million more that that so what yeah who's he interviewing now tj uh i don't know if i don't know if he said In his defense, he brought in a large amount of Minhunk chocolate company whips that are expired. He didn't bring those in.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Oh, those are expired? I already had two of them. Oh, I've had like four of them. What are they? Mint? Oh, somebody told me he brought them in. I don't know. Those are mushrooms.
Starting point is 00:45:39 What? Explains why I feel finally normal right now. That would actually rock. Yeah, that'd be kind of nice uh so i did my fantasy draft in the major league baseball league with like mike trout and everything was that over zoom the fantasy football fantasy football sorry um jay won it's just wild watching him interact with these guys but we're on the zoom and I was saying that my son's got his first T-ball game tonight. And then Che said that there is a—this is, by the way, in front of Major League Baseball players.
Starting point is 00:46:15 Guys who played in Major League Baseball for many, many years. Che claims that there is a kid on his block, five years old. His name's Max. For sure MLB-er. Wow. For sure going to the league. Were you saying that in general? In front of MLB players, he said that.
Starting point is 00:46:34 I said pound for pound. He was better than all of them. Yeah, he said pound for pound. He's better than Shohei Ohtani. He said pound for pound. He can hit the ball farther than Shohei. That's just a fact. This kid's five-year-old birthday party is bombing it to the outfield.
Starting point is 00:46:48 In front of Major League Baseball players, he's saying this. But you really think? He said for sure going to the MLB. You think he's pound? How do you even do the math? But baseball is not boxing. Also, what's the outfield? He was hitting the outfield in the Little League?
Starting point is 00:47:05 It was like a... How far was he hitting? I went to a batting cage with a field, so I don't know. How far? 90 feet, 100 feet? 100 feet. It was shocking. 40 pounds.
Starting point is 00:47:21 Will you text I told it to them. We talked to the dad of the kid and just be like, can I send a video of him to Mike Trout? Well, Shohei hits it farther than I'm doing. What is he wearing? He's what, 200 pounds? Probably more. 220?
Starting point is 00:47:40 Are you doing the math? Yep. That's like 500 pound per pound. If the kid is hitting it 100 feet. Shohei is 209. He's hitting it 100 feet? Insanely far. So Shohei's longest home run is 473. You have to obtain footage of this kid.
Starting point is 00:47:58 He is pound for pound. It's tough. It was when we moved houses. We left that area. Is he just playing in public for everyone to see? What's he doing? Whenever he would come over, he would play baseball, and then he had his birthday party at a batting cage.
Starting point is 00:48:13 It's his fifth birthday. So, I mean, nobody could really hit the ball worth any salt, and this kid is bombing it. Pound for pound. What about Jose Altuve? Pound for pound. Pound for pound. Oh, because he's better than Jose Altuve? Pound for pound. Pound for pound. Oh, what about Jose Altuve?
Starting point is 00:48:27 Probably not. Do you think all of those guys in that draft were like that when they were five? 165, so. Yeah, no. Jose Altuve, pound for pound, is a better baseball player than five-year-old Max. Defend it, I would say. Will you admit that fact? Has he won an MVP?
Starting point is 00:48:44 Max, God. Don't. What has Max done? Yeah. The greatest baseball player I've ever seen. Can he field? I know Chase is going to end up being right about this, and I'm not going to hear from him for like 35 years.
Starting point is 00:49:03 This was also that we got to this kid because we were talking about T-Ball, and Chase said that on his son's team, there's another kid who's probably a major leaguer too. So there's two major leaguers living within a mile square radius of Chase's house right now. Both five years old. It's insane. You're confident? That's how the dads think.
Starting point is 00:49:21 I retracted that one. They're going to do a 30 for 30 on what was going on in this town. These two kids. Is the dad getting cocky? They're Clayton Kershaw and Matthew Saffer living next to Che. That's what's happening right now. Yeah. Is the dad trying to cash out?
Starting point is 00:49:39 Has he been hoopified yet, this kid? What's that? Hoopified? No. Okay. He's not. He's probably on his radar. The dad of the one kid who's very good,
Starting point is 00:49:49 whose birthday party he went to, he's like a big baseball guy. They play baseball all the time. He's trying to get them into baseball, which he is. Okay. Pound for pound. But yeah, just the fact that
Starting point is 00:49:59 Jay was saying this in front of Major League Baseball. How did they react? They were just like, what? Are they used to Steve by now? Ish. Do they like you as a commissioner? They do. You don't play, right?
Starting point is 00:50:13 I don't. You're just the guy overseeing it all. I did explain to them because they thought that last year Dave had some unfair advantages because he had Jay as a commissioner. And they were like, I was like, yeah, but you guys don't understand. Like, I kind of own Che. Like, Che is mine. And I was like, if I died, tragically, if I died tomorrow, my kids, my wife, my family,
Starting point is 00:50:41 Che would be crying the most at my funeral. Because his life would be the most like my family would be okay che would not it'd be fine i'd like to think it would be like that for all of us no because like i'm saying like his life would just not yeah yeah it would be a lot of his life goes through you yeah right that's true he'd be wailing Well Family's like We're okay No He's fucking
Starting point is 00:51:09 He jumps on the casket Yeah Don't let him go Start singing hymns So yeah I'm gonna tip the scale For myself With Jay
Starting point is 00:51:21 How'd the draft go? I dominated I think Yeah I had Blutman and E. How'd the draft go? I dominated, I think. Yeah? I had Blutman and Ebo. Here's the draft. We did a strategy. Justin Jefferson? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:31 Got our guy. We did a strategy where we drafted guys that are hurt who are going to come back. Fresh. Yeah. Nick Chubb, Keaton Mitchell, Jordan Addison, not hurt. Is he hurt? He's hurt.
Starting point is 00:51:44 No. From what I hear, he's going to be fine okay yeah so here's the draft I was also if you can notice there's a little emojis next to pics I figured out how to add emojis to people's pics
Starting point is 00:51:59 so I was just adding poop to a lot of their pics that's really annoying any bear got a thumbs up you got to scroll scroll to the right uh yeah see you can see where you can see almost exactly where i started to figure out the poops yeah pitman short love yeah yeah i think it was mike Mike Evans was and I was like oh the poops work so yeah it was good it's good you run you run
Starting point is 00:52:30 a tight ship Che I do these guys love the rules and I I'm here to enforce them do they love the rules oh they do oh right after right after the draft the people were complaining people didn't draft defenses which was discussed on the Zoom.
Starting point is 00:52:46 Was that against the rule? You just have to have one for week one. So they drafted, hurt guys, put them on IR, and picked up defenses. Oh, that's a sound strategy. That's very smart. Is Gunner upset that you didn't try to get him in this league, Che? A few of them mentioned it when they came, but not about being upset or anything like that,
Starting point is 00:53:05 but just like that. Should you ask him? I'm just... Why don't you text Gunnar? Text him right now. Saying what? Be like, hey, man, we had our fantasy draft with Major League Baseball players,
Starting point is 00:53:21 and I really screwed up not inviting you this year. I mean, I'm not fully in charge of that. Dave vacated a spot. Yeah, but no, send him that text. Actually, no, no, no. Don't send that text. Send him, hey, Gunnar, there's this five-year-old
Starting point is 00:53:36 in my neighborhood. Yeah. Who I think might be next up. Mind if I send you some video? No, don't even do that. Just bring it up. There's a kid that lives in my neighborhood
Starting point is 00:53:44 that's really good at baseball yeah send just that say there's a kid in my neighborhood who's really good at baseball he's 5 yo 5-0 there's a kid in my baseball comma max comma and he's really good at baseball thought you'd want to know.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Writing text for Steven is like my favorite. Oh, it's the best. It's the absolute best. Do you think he's nervous for dad today? Yes. It's the first one he could never come at. I submitted it to Quigs on Saturday, so I'm ready. So do you think you can't get a nut off? Is that going to affect your focus?
Starting point is 00:54:37 I mean, the work's been done. So, no. I feel good. Oh, you submitted your data before the surgery? Just in case something went wrong? Just after it, yeah. Steven, why'd you go through that whole surgery when you could have just gotten your Ziploc bag of chess
Starting point is 00:54:51 and walked around with that? That's way more effective. The best birth control ever. Literally, you could have done the exact same thing. Yeah, exactly. That was your first vasectomy. Want to play some chess? Ziploc bag. Hold up the bag.
Starting point is 00:55:08 Okay, so what day is it since the surgery? Have you looked at your penis? Five. Five days. Yeah, today's five days. Have you been feeling anything? It's a little tight. I feel pretty much
Starting point is 00:55:28 better now. What is tight? What could possibly be tight? I gotta sit down pretty low. I mean, there's stitches in my scrotum. Oh. Do you have to get them taken out? I have a follow-up on Monday. I think they
Starting point is 00:55:43 dissolve. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, my nuts are I have a follow-up on Monday. I think they dissolve. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, my nuts are Vaseline-ed up. Wait, right now you have Vaseline nuts? Yep. Have you applied at the office yet? No.
Starting point is 00:55:56 But you'll have to, right? Maybe. We'll see how it goes. What are you doing? Are you pulling out your Vaseline? His nut Vaseline. Oh, man. Tiny. So Thursday's the big day?
Starting point is 00:56:10 Weekend nut? From talking to people that have gone through it, they're like, you'll know when you're ready. Are you sure? Do you feel like you're ready right now? You told me, also on the Zoom call with the guys, that he woke up rock hard this morning. That's what I wanted to know, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:32 You told that to the guys? Yeah, yeah, he told that to the guys. He said, I woke up rock hard. And then almost in the next sentence, asked one of them for a selfie. It was quite something. That timeline is accurate. Oh i love steven chay are you are you prepared for the first nut like what if it's i think i'm a little right now no but i i think i'll be fine in you know two or three days and what halloween is
Starting point is 00:57:01 the deadline and we're gonna we're gonna it happen. What color other than red for blood would be the most concerning nut to have on your first nut? I think black would be tough. Black. I mean, green. Green would be pretty. Green would be funny.
Starting point is 00:57:16 That would make me laugh. Purple would be hilarious. Green, purple, or orange. A lighter purple. Yeah, like a lavender. A lavender would be hilarious. Black would be bad. Yeah. Ooh. Ah. Yeah, like a lavender. A lavender would be hilarious. A black would be bad. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Ooh. Ah. Yeah. I'm a little bit nervous about that, so we'll see. I'll report back. Is it going to... Let me know if this is me prying a bit too much. Is this going to be just a you endeavor?
Starting point is 00:57:40 First one, yeah. I think I got to test the pipes, you know? Sure. Have you picked out the vid? Genre? I got some favorites. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:56 What are you into? We're getting a little pretty classic stuff, nothing crazy. What do you mean classic? Classic. Missionary? He's talking about his video. Yeah. It's Tampa Bay highlights. Yeah. Big T'sary? He's talking about his video. Yeah. It's Tampa Bay highlights. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:06 Big T's or big A's? Why have one when you can have both? Oh, you got double bigs. What clothing is the male wearing in this video? Oh, I'm afraid of what he's going to say. I don't think any. Oh, it just starts naked. A a start we're not watching any starts okay were you afraid it was gonna be a plaid short wearing flash long plaid short
Starting point is 00:58:36 long plaid short pornos you know that guy is the wackest looking dude in the mismatched color he looks so whack and then he has like a 14 yellow and green plaid shorts yeah it's an insane fit ill-fitting polo tee yeah yeah horrible haircut horrible haircut maybe a puka shell necklace then 14 it's unbelievable just the most beautiful cock i've ever seen and then you realize that yeah the style doesn't matter picture perfect cock oh my word yeah i feel like those guys they can they can wear whatever they want thank you chuck that's i tell the ladies it's always the guy loitering outside 7-eleven we found out that
Starting point is 00:59:22 donnie's brother was the one who was making all the iced coffee, so we have a problem here. So, yeah, people were just standing around the empty pitchers this morning. We're so helpless. We didn't know he was such a glue guy. A huge glue guy. Yeah. And he was only a freshman in college.
Starting point is 00:59:37 Oh, other Donnie left? Yeah. He just finished his freshman year. I didn't know he was that young. He's not. I didn't either. He played hockey. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:44 He's one of those. Yeah. So he's a 21-year Donnie Jr. I didn't know he was that young. He's not. He played hockey. Oh, yeah. He's one of those. Yeah. So he's a 21-year-old sophomore. That rocks. He's just buying everyone beer. Yeah, he's the most popular guy. And he's good looking.
Starting point is 00:59:53 Very. Well, he's a Donnie. He's a Donnie. Donnies are all good looking. Did he end up living on that ledge the whole summer? I think he did. He stayed up there? He did, yeah. That's impressive.
Starting point is 01:00:04 Oh, hey, Tommy. Smoke's in the house. Whoa, you look like you just woke up no i thought he looked cool something yeah wherever you want hey tom what's up brother what's up guys good to see you how are you just wanted to say hey and see what's going on uh i'm good i was about to do a podcast with eddie and i left i said big cat text me oh no no no no no i'll stay here i'll stay here i didn't know what like 10 minutes okay yeah i'll stay for i'll do whatever what's what's with your nervous energy i just didn't know you know i felt like it was in a tough i didn't want to come on here earlier and then i started to do with eddie just forget it how's everybody doing good pretty good man yeah really good uh everybody's excited you're here you were doing the rounds just like
Starting point is 01:00:42 standing in the doorway waiting for people yeah i you. Yeah, I could feel a real energy. Who was the most excited and least excited to see you? Titus and Donnie were pumped when I did that joke. I said, oh, Officer Boyle, Officer Ray, a reference to our movie from the film festival. Who won the finished second? I don't remember where we finished. And people loved that. I don't think anybody was not excited, really.
Starting point is 01:01:06 It's good. I mean, it's football season. Advisors, first episode of Advisors tomorrow. It feels like the start of a new year today. You haven't bothered me to send the games yet? Yeah, I just figured you'd get to that eventually. I was trying to go through, trying to predict which ones you'd probably do. What do you got?
Starting point is 01:01:19 Well, obviously we'll do the Sunday night game. I think we'll probably do Cowboys-Browns. Okay. I think we'll probably maybe Cowboys-Browns. Okay. I think we'll probably maybe do Steelers-Falcons. And I think we might do Colts-Texans and then Jaguars-Dolphins. Or we might do Patriots if Dave is on. Dave is on. So that was kind of where my thought process was at.
Starting point is 01:01:42 That's a good thought process. Yeah, or we might do Bears because you're a Bears fan and they have optimism for the year. Yeah, I don't think Bears – Titans gets the people going. Titans is going to make the list. I think it's going to be the most exciting game. Oh, really?
Starting point is 01:01:55 Because of Caleb Williams. Yeah, but it's – you know, advisors is a national audience. Yeah. Still, I think. You think it should make it to the list? I'm excited to see will levis too yeah will levis is good i think so it was playing guess i'd ask when he was 13 years old yeah he's a huge toy yeah he told us that he's overwhelmingly big
Starting point is 01:02:16 are you no he is are you he is very muscular i saw just a screenshot of him on the bus Okay He's huge It seems like you're I don't I look at physiques and he's gigantic For a quarterback Okay
Starting point is 01:02:39 Cause you know I do Okay Yes I've seen Because you know. I do. Okay. Yes, I've seen. No crazy takeaways from that one. No, not really. How's everything going in New York, Tommy?
Starting point is 01:02:56 Good. No complaints really. I was in Nashville this weekend. Oh yeah, for what? Just for fun. How often are you in Nashville? It's my third time this year. Okay. Not too much. Yeah, things are good. How are you in nashville my third time this year okay not not too much um yeah things are good how's everything how are you guys great pretty good tommy thank you for asking thank
Starting point is 01:03:12 you for asking what what who did you go to nashville for just just fun yeah just some high school friends who wanted to do a they're still in high school yeah yeah yeah tommy's high school friends are about to be ninth grade and uh yeah they were like we've never been to nashville let's go i said great you might have some trouble getting into the bars but oh you know we own the bar still bar so i should be able to be okay yeah you pulled strings did you do that did you were you the big man yeah i mean they're only big man didn't you yeah i said oh come on i know i know a did you cut the line uh yeah did you get set up uh there there were no tables but we were just in the area like i didn't want a table it was only
Starting point is 01:03:51 four of us and also they were sold out because dj paulie d was there but we were just hanging out but you cut the line uh so we actually got in when there was no line and then they cleared out the whole place because they were they didn't clear you did not clear out oh tommy it was big that's huge yeah i work at the company so i saw your video with dave that was awkward i yeah people just can't get enough tnd though they want us to uh spend a weekend together indeed yeah tommy and dave yeah i that. Yeah, I thought if we could maybe spend a weekend together at one of his houses, it would be a fun video. Yeah, that would be. It would. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:31 Very fun. Do you think you could get that to happen? He was firm no. He was as firm no as he's ever been. How'd you sweeten the pot? I don't know how to sweeten it. If he doesn't have fun. Yeah, wait.
Starting point is 01:04:47 You don't have anything to offer. Oh, he has plenty. Just a good time. Winning personality. We could make some jokes. I mean, we're all having a great time. Yeah. This has been awesome.
Starting point is 01:05:00 The video of you trying to get interviewed by the new york street influencer guy yeah it was so good a throwback it was an oldie but a good yeah which one i had never seen it ted czar he's the original one like the what do you do for a living guy i really would like to get on one of those not yet or like the uh apartment one yeah show up by my apartments i've scripted everything i would yeah would you i would have been ready what about somebody that asks what you're listening to do you have a song that you would say if it's not something that did happen like the biggest dude asked me weren't you in a grocery store that was a different that was a prank panicked yeah i said some
Starting point is 01:05:40 shit by flume it's a good song but some minds Actually it was a good answer He never posted it Then he asked me Who my favorite Asian artist was And that That was tougher Than you think What'd you say?
Starting point is 01:05:55 I said Jai Wolf But what would you have said? BTS That's the only one I can think of right now. William Mongey. Oh, yeah. Steve Aoki.
Starting point is 01:06:12 That Indian rapper that was raised in Houston. What's the new lead singer? Psy. Psy. Moment of Psy. Let's take a moment of Psy. Oh, oh, oh. Moment of sigh Let's take a moment of sigh Alright well good to see you Tommy Should I leave?
Starting point is 01:06:33 I feel bad for Eddie He brought you a podcast Yeah but I'll do whatever people tell me I'll do whatever anyone tells me to do more firmly You said come to the act Eddie said do you want to do a podcast I said yes What was the podcast were you drafting? No it was Free Swim tells me to do more firmly you said come to the act eddie said do you want to do a podcast i said yes what was the podcast were you drafting no it's free swim okay go do it you want to play
Starting point is 01:06:51 jeopardy oh yeah now we got them okay yeah now we got them how do we play steven we don't you do yeah time to play anything in the archive steve archive, Steve? Jeopardy? Yeah. All right, let me come up with something. What level do you guys want? Actually, wait. You didn't see, obviously, anything we did last week with Jeopardy? I don't think so. Okay.
Starting point is 01:07:13 We could just run one back because then he won't know. Just have Tommy play? Yeah. Let's run back. Waist high. And you have to come up with a question. This is a Stephen Che opinion. Wait, no, let's not.
Starting point is 01:07:29 Che can think of a thing about it. Give me like one minute. We got to give the man a tiny bit of cred. Yeah, true. So the way it works is waist high was the prompt, and the answer that you had to get to was what Stephen Che thinks is the perfect height for a bicycle seat. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:47 Okay. That was the easiest one. Yeah. That's like how far from the ground? Yeah. But it's all like the most impossible one that we ever had that we actually didn't run because it was so hard. The answer was thick. Okay. And you had to guess what the answer was thick okay and you had to get guess what the question was so we can just do this one with tommy yeah perfect or the best type of butt you'll never get this it's a it's a
Starting point is 01:08:16 we'll give you it's a product titus you can chime in because you didn't see this yeah i did not see this preference for a type of product milkshake type not even close i'll even tell you it's hygienic toothpaste no hair product no thick uh think so far outside the box that the box is in sight. Soap? Nope. I guess that's pretty in. You were really hot. Think opposite, almost. Think the opposite of hygienic?
Starting point is 01:08:57 No. The opposite of the answer. Of what you're thinking of. So what I'm trying to think is a hygienic product that could come in different variants. Correct. Not really. A blow dryer. No.
Starting point is 01:09:11 Think thin hygienic products. A toothbrush, I mean. Toothpick. Thinner. Think of like the thinnest thing. Yes. He likes thick. The answer is toothpaste preferred variety of floss.
Starting point is 01:09:25 Impossible. Who do you want me to send the thing to? He likes thick. The answer is Steve Chase preferred variety of floss. Impossible. Who do you want me to send the thing to? No, just say it. We'll all try to guess. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Say the answer. Glass bottle.
Starting point is 01:09:37 Favorite way to have Coke. No. It's never that. It's never that. Number one thing you've wanted to pull from the ocean. No, sorry. Should I be doing like hot or cold or just yes or no? Hot, cold.
Starting point is 01:09:51 Hot, cold. Oh, there's levels. Glass bottle. Favorite thing to throw a football at. No. Cold. Things a homeless person has thrown at you? A homeless person threw a glass bottle at you.
Starting point is 01:10:08 Cold. Favorite sound? Oh. Cold. That's what I was going to say. Shit. Instrument or something. Favorite.
Starting point is 01:10:22 Favorite. Favorite piggy bank type variety. Cold. The glass bottle. Favorite bar. Mm. Uh, cold. I don't even know what that means.
Starting point is 01:10:42 It sounds like the name of a bar. Yeah, the glass bottle. It's a cool name. Smoky. I don't even know what that means. It sounds like the name of a bar. Yeah, the glass bottle. It's a cool name. Smokey? Instruments? Something with instruments? Your favorite thing to look at when you're in an antique store? Cold. There's been one guest that I did not grade
Starting point is 01:11:05 that is in the ballpark. What was it? It was Tommy's first guest. Way to drink coke? Favorite way to drink beer? No. So he said just in the ballpark. Oh, I know it. You do? I know it.
Starting point is 01:11:27 You do? Say it. I have it. No, no, no. I don't want to hear it. I have it. I have it. I'm playing it fair. Titus, so help me God.
Starting point is 01:11:34 All right, Kyle, your bet. I have it. I think I might have it. Favorite mouth feel? No. I really think I might have it. I think I do too. Your favorite
Starting point is 01:11:48 mechanism for ketchup? Yes! Yes! That wasn't what I was going to say. That's a question. That's the wrong answer. That's why I knew that's what Che would think. You and H2R.
Starting point is 01:12:05 What's the worst fucking way to store ketchup? Yeah. That's why I knew that's what Che would think. Yep. You and R2 are. Yeah. Wow. Like, what's the worst fucking way to. Get the knife in there. Che, why is that your favorite? It's so annoying. I hate that. You got to hit it. That was very fun.
Starting point is 01:12:19 You like it? Oh, yeah. Jeopardy is electric. I would go one more. All right. Yeah, go one more. All right, give me a second. Do you want easier or harder than that or same thing?
Starting point is 01:12:26 Harder. Way harder. Way harder? Way harder. So Lucas doxxed his number last week, and we played Jeopardy with the – we, like, called people because everyone – like, he had 4,000 texts, so we just would call random numbers. And we actually had someone win who came in and did the gauntlet.
Starting point is 01:12:44 Wow. Yeah. There's a guy in New Jersey who also has a free gauntlet. I would like to try the gauntlet again at some point. Not today, but tomorrow. Sounded like you wanted to do it today. What were you going to say, TJ? Was Lucas good at typing at least? No.
Starting point is 01:12:58 Terrible. Terrible at typing. Horrendous at typing. He's not a smart guy. There's a word for it I love him I love him but man yeah why do you love him um mhm
Starting point is 01:13:15 do I love him no yeah I guess I don't I guess I don't love him you're right you're right I do not love him hmm what is this happy birthday big dog I guess I don't love him. You're right. You're right. I do not love him. Hmm. What is this? Happy birthday, big dog.
Starting point is 01:13:28 Thank you, Che. Yo, there's a kid in my neighborhood who's really good. He is five. Scouts are already on the way. Love him. All right, send back. Send back. Also, I got a vasectomy last week.
Starting point is 01:13:38 Ouchie. Wait, does Gunnar want to give a date for when you think you'll have your 50th bust? Oh, yes. Yes, ask him. Yes. How old is he? What? Above 18.
Starting point is 01:13:59 Well, like, does he, like, I don't know. He's probably, like, 23. Everyone knows what a vasectomy is. I didn't know that there was, like, sperm in it for 50 bucks is I didn't know that there was a That there was like Sperm in it for 50 bucks I didn't know that But they do vasectomies They do the commercials all the time Like during March Madness
Starting point is 01:14:15 He'll know If you listen to sports radio If you watch any sports game There's definitely vasectomy I feel like it's big on sitcoms Michael Scott The dads are definitely vasectomy. I feel like it's big on sitcoms. Yeah. Yeah. Shows reruns of TV. Michael Scott. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:27 The dads are getting vasectomies. What sitcom are you working on these days? By the way, you are a moron. I actually am mad at you. I know what you're going to say. I'm mad at you right now. You're a fucking moron. I mean, it's mainly a joke.
Starting point is 01:14:39 Veep is one of the best shows ever. It is seriously one of the funniest shows ever. Wait, you're anti-Veep? No. All I said was- You said Veep's not good? No, I did not shows ever. Wait, you're anti-Veep? No, all I said was... You said Veep's not good? No, I did not say that. No, he said that Veep is overrated?
Starting point is 01:14:50 He said something worse. He said he doesn't watch shows that he can't see himself in. I get that. Veep literally has Gary and Jonah. You are two characters in Veep. I watch a lot of shows. In an ideal world, I get to watch a show. It's not even just sexist.
Starting point is 01:15:04 You could say it's racist, homophobic. I like to watch a show with shows in an ideal world i get to watch a show it's not even just sexist you could say it's racist homophobic i like to watch a show great straight white male in his late 20s that lives in new york city then i could imagine that i'm the guy uh but i don't that's not that's just the ideal type of show but i'll watch other shows i'm watching sex in the city right now they're girls veep is so funny dude no i did watch a couple episodes. It is funny. It's incredible. Is Veep joke after joke extremely well written? Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 01:15:30 Yes. I want to watch it. I like that there's no laugh track. I'll say it. I think Veep is funnier than Curb. Is it funnier than Arrested Development? It's in the same vein. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:40 Similar. I like it more than Arrested Development. Okay. I'll watch it. It's a show you're inclined to pause and chew on the joke they just made like you're watching like god damn I almost don't laugh when I watch
Starting point is 01:15:53 Veep because I'm like tipping my I'm watching it to tell my appreciation god damn it you're the down feeder kid yeah or like even though like it will be one of those shows where i'll rewind just to laugh again yeah wow like it's that funny i'll watch it tonight for you guys it's so good it's so funny yeah watch the watch the whole series just tonight yeah just fine
Starting point is 01:16:13 are you the new madden is out are you doing a do you guys know the fantasy oh yeah i i didn't do it last year i might i might fire it back up this year. I left on a really good note. I was the quarterback of the Jets. I think I started dating. For people who don't know, this is not Tommy playing Madden. This is Tommy having an Excel doc of where he puts other life things that his quarterback does. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:38 Your quarterback named Tom. You're not actually playing the game. I play the game, but I play in the mode where you only control the play. So I'm only the quarterback. Right. And I don't want to be unrealistic and throw the ball every time. I try to have a pretty 60-40 pass-to-run offense. But, yeah, and then I do a post-game press conference in my head after every game.
Starting point is 01:16:55 And then in the offseason, I got to go on a Practical Jokers one year. I had a brief cameo in a movie with Paul Rudd and I want to say James Franco. Wow. I date some of the hottest chicks you can ever fuck. Have you ever gotten in trouble? I think I was going to too many clubs in New York City when I was on the Jets.
Starting point is 01:17:14 Wait, these are things you can do in the game. No, no. He writes these down. What? These are things you do in your head. What do you mean? How did you do them? I just thought about it. I just thought about it. I love that. That's how you do in your head. What do you mean? How did you do them? I just thought about it. You just thought? I just thought about it. I love that. That's how you make the game fun.
Starting point is 01:17:30 You're racking your brain trying to figure out what actor it was. It was Paul Rudd, and I want to say James Franco, but I'll have to double check. Just saying. Yeah, you think about it maybe when you're in the shower, when you're walking to and from work. Eliminate the middleman. Don't even put the disc. I know.
Starting point is 01:17:45 I'm thinking about maybe just playing the whole games in my head this year running around my apartment and passing it and stuff. Sometimes the games don't go how I want them to go. I want to lose more games than I lose. I win a lot. I'm on Allmatic, but
Starting point is 01:18:01 my god, am I good. Good God. Defense is too good. What's the best city to be a little above average quarterback in? I think Nashville's probably up there. New York. New York is not the worst. A little bit above average would be terrible.
Starting point is 01:18:22 I think Nashville might be a good answer. Minnesota. Chicago's not terrible if you're a little above average would be terrible i think nashville might be a good answer minnesota chicago's not terrible if you're a little above above average they're content that's the best quarterback we've ever had true yeah the vikings i think are content with just above average then you live then you live in cleveland so we're talking about your life off the field quality of life and how you're embraced by the fans. Chargers quarterback? Oh, yeah. Live in L.A.
Starting point is 01:18:47 Yeah. You can't be somewhere where they've had – Yeah, but I want to have a true fan base. Yeah, are you appreciated if you're – Like, I wouldn't say Denver. You still want to be a hero. You still want to be a hero. Not Elway. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:56 You want to still have, like, that heroic energy. Yeah, this is something I think about when I'm choosing my team. Like, not sell out. Like, I want to make sure I'm appreciated in this city. And when you're, like, 65 and going back to games to be honored, like, you want to go back. The Saints. Do you really want to go back to that city?
Starting point is 01:19:10 The Saints are pretty aggressive, right, the fans? What about Carolina? That's good. You want passion. Carolina. Their fan base is A. No, like, you basically Jake DeLome. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:20 I would love that. Can't be Dallas. No. Can't be Dallas. No. Can't be Pittsburgh. No. Seattle? Philly before they won a title, kind of. If you were like Don McNabble, they kind of pulled out.
Starting point is 01:19:34 Atlanta? They never win anything. Could be like a Matt Ryan. I guess not as good as Matt Ryan. Matt Ryan was really good, yeah. Yeah. That's a good question. I always like to go somewhere where I can bring itago it might be like jake oh it is jake cutler definitely has like he's more loved now by
Starting point is 01:19:55 bears fans than when he was here right the answer is he's got there's been like a like like we really fucked up we didn't't realize he was the best we had. Yeah, I just wouldn't be able to put myself on the Bears this year because of Caleb Williams. I would never win the starting job. I have to go somewhere realistic. Have a little confidence in yourself. How about your starting quarterback?
Starting point is 01:20:18 Yeah, Giants. I could probably. No, I'm saying how about him? Daniel Jones. Nice guy. First and foremost. Exactly. That's what you want in a quarterback. First and foremost, a great guy.
Starting point is 01:20:29 We'll see. He's got an offensive line this year. He's got a true number one receiver. You don't know that yet. Oh, yeah, neighbors, I know. Oh, you know? Yeah. You watched a lot of LSU last year?
Starting point is 01:20:39 I was, yeah, I chewed on a lot of tape. And then, yeah, preseason he looked good too. I watched a lot of preseason at LSU. It's all I watch. Che, do you have another one? Yes. All right, let me do the ad real quick. Farmer's Dog, days are warmer, the walks are longer,
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Starting point is 01:22:01 me this morning he was gonna be 15 minutes late i'm happy for him that he got his baby back. Yeah. But if it's going to be taken away from the Yak and mostly sports. Yeah. It just hurts. Yeah, I think that's really what it is. It just hurts. We just kind of realize where we fall.
Starting point is 01:22:18 Right. The pecking order. Should we make this show more inviting for him? Yeah. Be nice to him? We should get him a different chair. Like a lazy boy. What if we start wrestling?
Starting point is 01:22:32 Interesting. We start talking wrestling. Only talk wrestling. Let's get him a chair masseuse for tomorrow on the show. Like a person? Yeah. I would do that. I'd splurge get them rubbed down yeah yeah rub them down i can do it okay tommy will do it uh all right ready che got an update first oh wait wait
Starting point is 01:23:09 oh oh yeah i want to zoom in and confront him he's on the show today which is rare because he's in nyc usually i'll let you all tell me i like you let him know i'm watching and waiting for a response tommy that is gunner henderson, no, I know. I don't like Gunnar Henderson because he's on the Orioles and he's really good. But I respect him. Don't look at us. He's a friend of ours. I know. And I'm a friend of yours.
Starting point is 01:23:35 Who do you guys like more? Gunnar Henderson. No. That's a tough one. That's a tough question. Not even close. Tommy or Gunnar. Everybody take some time today.
Starting point is 01:23:43 Gunnar. All day, every day. Tommy who? Let's not make any raps. I would throw you to the trash so fast. That's a tough one. Maybe by the end of the show, everybody will have an answer. He's younger.
Starting point is 01:23:56 He's cooler. Really handsome. He is handsome. He knows how to play along. He's played along with Che. Tommy doesn't. You guys are talking about Gunner now. Gunner. He has a to play along. He's played along with Che. Tommy doesn't. You guys are talking about Gunner now. Gunner.
Starting point is 01:24:07 He has a really comforting energy, not one that makes me feel super anxious. Very sure of himself. Awesome name. Yes. Awesome name. He never cuts the line at bars. Is the name too much? No.
Starting point is 01:24:18 It's actually, he could go more. If he was Gunner Gunner, I would actually be down for that. How different do you think my life would be if my name was Gunner? Gunner smokes? That would be sick. A lot different. Apologize to him. Just say sorry.
Starting point is 01:24:33 I feel like he should respect it. No. You wished bodily harm to him. I didn't want him to die. Ah, you kind of did. You wanted him to get hit I wanted the I felt that Aaron Judge was getting unfairly thrown at and in baseball that's an unwritten rule you throw out their best player then too I don't want him hurt for the long term
Starting point is 01:24:54 withering in pain is it yeah that's a bad if you get hit with a pitch you're withering in pain no not necessarily you get hit but not yeah most you just walk it off well I wanted to wither yeah so you wish bodily harm to him, so apologize to him. I don't know if I can. I did apologize. I did my atonement when I got hit in the nuts with the. Yeah, but you never really got hit in the nuts. No, I did.
Starting point is 01:25:16 I want you to get hit by a 99-mile-an-hour fastball. No, I'm sorry, Gunnar. Are you worried? There it is. But I hope you guys there it is a lot of the games the rest of the year there's that smokes edge
Starting point is 01:25:33 bad boy alright Shay okay I have a medium and a very hard we want the very hard they're all the same difficulty for us
Starting point is 01:25:44 I think we just don't go very hard. We want the very hard. They're all the same difficulty for us, I think. We just don't... Go very hard. I'm sorry. All right. Every night. Tommy, would you like to start? Or Matt, why don't you start?
Starting point is 01:25:56 The first two words to your favorite Celine Dion song. No. Damn. Cold. Every night. Floss. Every night. Floss. You floss. That's
Starting point is 01:26:09 How many of you are No, but it's somewhat in the ballpark. Okay. How often you, when you shower? No. Colder. Floss is in the ballpark. How often you wash your face? No. Cooler. Loss is in the ballpark. How often you wash your face?
Starting point is 01:26:28 No, cooler. This is the very hard one? Yes. You gargle mouthwash? No, no change. Sunscreen? sunscreen at night I was thinking outside the box I like that
Starting point is 01:26:55 you q-tip your ears no slightly cooler it's really bad for your ear canal what could he possibly uh vacuum your carpets vacuum carpets every night. That's crazy. I don't know. How often do you drink iced tea? Nope. Scrape your tongue.
Starting point is 01:27:33 Colder. It might not be a hygienic thing then. I guess that's even with the rest. How often do you charge your phone? Cooler. So it's a hygienic thing? You go to bed. What is it?
Starting point is 01:27:48 You said the mouth, is it hygienic? Technically, no. Technically, no. Okay, I feel like you're one of the guys, you take a single square of toilet paper and you wipe the tip of your penis.
Starting point is 01:28:09 That is common. That does feel like a chain move, right? What? He actually, no, no. I'd like to change this. You plug your penis hole before you go to bed. Oh. Okay.
Starting point is 01:28:21 Titus, do you do that? Yeah, of course. Yeah, I do it. I wouldn't say every night No once a week No tripage You should try it Steven So it's not quite hygienic
Starting point is 01:28:33 But it kind of is So it's something like unnecessary Due to the skin or body Does it involve I'm pissed off now Oh my god Is it something that like you do Every one of these is
Starting point is 01:28:52 Yeah Right It's not like how often Jeopardy airs So it's not technically hygienic So is it maybe like a hair thing Yeah is it shaving related Not shaving related Combing your hair Is it skin related? Not shaving related.
Starting point is 01:29:06 Combing your hair? Is it skin related? Not skin related. What's going on? Come in here. This is live. Yeah. How we doing? Dude, what's up?
Starting point is 01:29:16 Good to see you. Yeah, that's Brandon. He used to be on this show. He's not on this show anymore. I was on his show just now. How'd he do? He did good. He's got a great show.
Starting point is 01:29:24 Tony Khan's here we're trying to guess uh oh yeah Tony you're gonna have to play this game um hey guys what's what's the what you got a water guy yeah uh it's my pr slash water slash friend all right just hold the water for him he's very versatile what what's where's the cap on the water i crushed it while i was on brandon's show because i thought his questions were so mind-numbing i want to ask the water guy a question come here he's good danny he's good people he's a he's a licensed pr guy licensed p how do you get licensed in pr oh you get a degree where's the cap i didn Oh, you get a degree. Where's the cap?
Starting point is 01:30:05 I crushed it. I literally crushed the cap. Oh, you crushed the cap. I crushed it. Brandon was talking about how he hadn't seen Sudden Death with Jean-Claude Van Damme, and I thought that was very- That's crazy. I agree with you.
Starting point is 01:30:16 Thank you. That's crazy he hasn't seen it. How do you work here and not see Sudden Death with Jean-Claude Van Damme? Have you guys- We need to get you a cap. He's got me. Okay. Yeah. How's got me. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:26 How thirsty is Tony? Yeah. I haven't seen much of a dent in it. I mean, to be honest, I was just getting started on it, and I kind of did a cameo on Brandon's wrestling show. And while I was in there, we started talking about movies, and as you know, Brandon's seen a lot of 90s movies. He hadn't seen Sudden Death or Time Cop,
Starting point is 01:30:47 which seems like very off-brand for Brandon. Yes, I'd agree with that. Wait, I have one last question. What's the worst... What's the thing you wake up and you're like, if this happens, my PR, like, red alert, if Tony does this? Tony, i don't really worry like that i'm just ready to roll ready to roll with the punch has he ever been hacked not that i recall have you at least since i've been i can't recall not that i can recall
Starting point is 01:31:18 that's a good no good pr answer i do not recall i have a question for Danny. Can I please have some water? Yes. Danny, I like you, Danny. He's a great guy. I like you. Let's go, Dan. Is that a Michigan hat or Missouri? Yeah, it's Mizzou. I thought it was Mizzou. Alright, so Tony, we're playing a game. Can someone else explain it to him?
Starting point is 01:31:40 There's something that Steven does every night. Steven Che right there. He's our weirdest Steven does every night. There's a man by the name of Steven. Steven Che right there. He's our weirdest guy in the world. It's a game called Jeopardy. His last name's Che. He gives us an answer, and we have to come up with a question. So, for instance, what's the one we just did?
Starting point is 01:31:59 He said glass bottle. Yeah, glass bottle. Favorite type of ketchup. Yeah. So, right now, or the the other day he said thick, and the question was, what is Steven's preferred dental floss? Now you get it. Now you get it.
Starting point is 01:32:15 Steven, I'm going to go check your lymph nodes. Oh. Right now the prompt is every night. Colder. Every night. So the question is what he does, something he does. And flossing is in the ballpark. In the ballpark.
Starting point is 01:32:28 Do you want me to give a hint? Yeah, sure. Okay. It's for a set period of time, like a set number of years or something like that. Years? Say a prayer?
Starting point is 01:32:39 No. I'm assuming he means minutes. Set number of years? Years? I don't, that, that, that may be, like it's Like, it's not for life.
Starting point is 01:32:46 Like, I... How often do you wear a retainer? Bingo. Oh! Got it. Good job, Tommy. Oh, got it. Okay.
Starting point is 01:32:58 That was excellent. That makes sense, Tony. It's pretty fun, right? It's a blast. You ever think you'd be playing Jeopardy? I think that's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. Right on. Oh, good job, TJ.
Starting point is 01:33:08 Look at that. Are you enjoying your body armor? Don't move too fast. Good work, Teej. I didn't know I committed that sin of off-brand water. There's no chance in hell Lucas is doing that. I would love to drink body Armor, by the way. I would love some of that.
Starting point is 01:33:26 So, you know, pour it all over me. You guys can Gatorade bath me in Body Armor. So how was Brandon's wrestling? It's a great show. He's on this show, by the way. He's not right now. Yeah, no, he's supposed to be, and now he just isn't. Yeah, he's over there with Lawrence Cassidy.
Starting point is 01:33:41 He's with one of the great A-W stars. Okay. That's what they're doing over there. Oh, are they finishing? It looks like they're wrapping up. So Brandon's probably heading this way. Oh, yeah. Here he comes.
Starting point is 01:33:51 Oh, wow. Yeah. All right. So, Tony, I got a couple questions for you. Yes, sir. One, actually, Stephen, can you give us one day-to-day nugget while Tony's here? A preview? You're a movie guy, right?
Starting point is 01:34:05 You like movies? I love movies. Do you like Rush Hour? Yeah. Do you like Rush Hour 2? Yeah, not as much. Okay. Che?
Starting point is 01:34:14 You are familiar with Rush Hour? I'm familiar with Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2. Chris Tucker? Yeah. All right, I have a Chris Tucker impression. Oh, thank you. God damn! What did you think?
Starting point is 01:34:31 Seven. Okay. Okay. Seven. Wait, so Tony, I want to talk about the wrestling because you've got some big shows coming up in the area, but Stephen, can you say what data day? Oh, would you look at that?
Starting point is 01:34:46 140. 140. what data day oh would you look at that 140 i just want to apologize uh i do think it was not right what y'all did during my mariah may interview what did they do good apology brandon good apology i accept your apology brandon you said you were going to be 15 minutes late to the act. I was. I apologize. Apology. I accept it. Thank you. I can tell it's heartfelt.
Starting point is 01:35:13 That's why I accept it. I didn't know that I was going to interview both Orange Cassidy and Mariah Mae, and I did. And it was wonderful, and I appreciate them for their time. Did you ask good questions? I did. Did you bring up the single firework that he gets? No, I didn't.
Starting point is 01:35:28 Oh, it's my favorite thing. That's awesome. Yeah, Nick's kind of our wrestling guy. That single firework might have been his idea. Was that your idea? No. Okay. No, that was not my idea.
Starting point is 01:35:38 My bad. Che, can you tell us? So tomorrow, Che, no one ever does this in the NFL. He predicts every game and the season record for every single team. Nice. No one's ever done it. Che does. So tomorrow's data day where he's going to reveal his findings. Can you give us a preview and tell us the Jaguars' final record for Tony?
Starting point is 01:36:03 I'm actually pretty favorable on the Jaguars. I've made the playoffs. Number five seed in the AFC, so the Texans winning the division. Wait, don't give us everything. Just give us the record. 11-5. Wow. 11-6. Oh, you idiot.
Starting point is 01:36:22 11-6. You idiot. 11-6, you idiot. He-6. Idiot. 11-6, you idiot. He messes up every year. Every year. He just messed it up. All right, so what do you think, 11? Well, I think that would be a good season, possibly,
Starting point is 01:36:38 but I think we can do a lot of things this year. We have a really good team. That would be a good number for sure. I think we're very capable of that. Trevor is a great quarterback. We're really excited to have him locked up. And I think we have a great coach in Doug. And we locked up a lot of the core franchise players. And also we added a lot of really good players in free agency. And I think we had a really good draft and addressed a lot of the needs. It feels like the strongest roster we've had. This is my 13th season in the nfl and i really honestly
Starting point is 01:37:05 swear this is the feels like by far the best roster we've had the best coaching staff and i feel really good about it and we found uh the kid who got his head stuck in the jaguar statue that's so sick man yeah he i did promise him that he would be on a float if you guys win the super and you i think you agreed when i did i did agree yeah i would you could probably get me to agree to a lot of stuff yeah yeah i mean that kid's a legend yeah we got exclusive yeah i it's pretty amazing story he's definitely a local legend yeah and statue still up yeah yeah would you ever have him come back and put his head back in it i think now that would be more dangerous because you know his head's probably even more developed. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:45 Yeah. No, it would be dangerous. He probably wouldn't be able to get it in. All right, so what do you have coming up with the wrestling in the area? A lot. We have a lot of great things coming up in Chicago and on TV. We're on TBS tomorrow night at 7 p.m. Central, 8 p.m. Eastern on TBS every Wednesday night. We got the number one show on cable last week and many weeks on Wednesday night, Dynamite on TBS. That show's in Milwaukee, so it's a short drive, which I shall do shortly.
Starting point is 01:38:12 And then we've got AW three-hour block coming up on Friday night out in the suburbs on TNT. We're doing Collision and Rampage on Friday because this is the all-out pay-per-view weekend. It's the first time we've done all-out the week after Labor Day weekend. I'm really excited about it. We were just at Wembley Stadium just over a week ago, and it was pretty amazing. We sold over 50,000 tickets.
Starting point is 01:38:36 We had, I think, the best AEW show ever, my personal favorite AEW show ever. And then being back here, being being back around home it's really nice and we do all out now uh the week after labor day that's coming up saturday on pay-per-view it's going to be a great great show swerve versus hangman in the steel cage uh brian danielson versus jack perry pack versus will osprey and so much great wrestling on this show can i ask you um and brandon you can chime in because you're you're going to go to a bunch of these shows um did you see our Royal Rumble uh case race I did not I did not see your case race would you consider possibly doing a pay-per-view
Starting point is 01:39:17 with us featured drinking a lot of beers in the middle of a ring what if i propose something right now okay i propose a pay-per-view match we could do oh uh we could do a casino gauntlet case race okay have a different barstool personality enter every uh let's say differing intervals i think like i'll call the interval it's going to be you know it could be 90 seconds it could be a couple minutes it just has to feel like what makes sense it's a casino right yeah i'll i'll roll the dice and i'll tell you how long it's going to be, you know, it could be 90 seconds. It could be a couple minutes. It just has to feel like what makes sense. It's a casino, right? I'll roll the dice and I'll tell you how long it's going to be in between people. Every few minutes, I'm going to send out a different person and people will go out. And every time somebody does an entrance, everybody has to do, out and does a shot then i would say like basically keep this going the people who are out there earlier uh are out there because they have the opportunity to really be out there and win because say this thing could be i don't know like really you got people entering every minute every two pretty quick people are gonna these shots are gonna add up yeah and uh i think sooner
Starting point is 01:40:25 later somebody's gonna gonna tap and i would say that then that person is the person that uh has to shave their head oh oh well that's i didn't think we were getting there oh i like uh buzz cutter shiny ball that would have to be the person that taps and passes out from i can't do the shot and you can't do the shot like they're out that's it what's the fun and and how long is it going to take is it going to take that's the thing it's going to be you don't want to be out there all night you want an entertaining 15 20 minutes so i'm going over you're going to shave your head i'm going to win yeah well well let me ask you this it feels like it's like a lucha libre concept match so it's really about like one of the it's like like a reverse battle
Starting point is 01:41:03 royal like one of those like yes the last person to escape the cage gets their head shaved. So like that's where I feel like in this case, the last person to make it would have to get their head shaved. I like that. So we have a woman on this program. Would you be fine with her head being shaved? Hey, Kate. I'm a big fan.
Starting point is 01:41:19 Hey, get out of here. Yeah, because of Chaps. Oh, sweet. Yeah. Because he's my longtime guy. That's right. He's a big Jags guy. He's a big Jags guy and he's a really great person. He is. This is true. Yes. Oh, that of Chaps. Oh, sweet. Yeah. Because he's my longtime guy. That's right. He's a big Jags guy. He's a big Jags guy, and he's a really great person.
Starting point is 01:41:26 He is. This is true. Yes. Oh, that's so cool. Well, Brandon. Kate would have to shave her head. Yeah. If Kate's going to-
Starting point is 01:41:33 Share that, Brandon. If she's going to participate, her hair is on the line. And I'm telling you, Dan, this thing would sell, bro. Yeah. Because people love to see people get their head shaved. Yes. So I do think if you knew one barstool star was going to get their head shaved at the end, and it was the person that couldn't stand the pressure,
Starting point is 01:41:49 but also somebody's going to be out. You don't know who's going to go out first. So it's like a lottery. There's a lot of elements to it. And you have so many cool personalities that each one makes their entrance, and it would feel like a big deal. I think it's a good idea. You should do it.
Starting point is 01:42:03 So you like me, and you hated a question he asked so much, you crushed a bottle cap. Yeah. Oh, this is a good day. I was mad you haven't seen Sudden Death, bro. You've got to see Sudden Death. He hasn't seen any of his movies. You yelled at me.
Starting point is 01:42:13 Yeah, you should see Sudden Death. Sudden Death and then the other Jean-Claude Van Damme. Time Cop. Time Cop. Just never saw him. Sorry. Has this ruptured our relationship forever? No, I'm just shocked.
Starting point is 01:42:24 I just think it's very off-brand for you. Is he bothering you? He's a great guy. Okay. He's a great guy. Eh. I am a great guy. Well, you just skipped out on your friends.
Starting point is 01:42:34 I didn't skip out. I told you I was going to be 15 minutes late. What was I, 19? I'm sorry. It took a while. Yeah, yeah. My bad. The day got away from me.
Starting point is 01:42:45 I'm happy to see you doing your passion project. Thank you very much. And you backlog these, right? So it's not like you're missing the rest of the week. You're good. No, I'm good. I forgive you. I'm just putting them.
Starting point is 01:42:56 It is good to see you finally have a show you're happy about. I mean that seriously. As your friend, it's exciting to see you. These companies rarely i mean not rarely but they come through chicago every few months and when they come through it's good to get a couple in here yeah and be able to do uh you know you could never predict when the act's gonna be this was they could only be here during the 12 o'clock hour they had many things to this morning tony had a a big thing and then he's got another big thing. So you know how Tony,
Starting point is 01:43:25 that's the nature. He's a busy guy. Yeah, I am. But I love being here and anytime I can come by the office. Yeah. It's awesome. And I love the new office being in Chicago.
Starting point is 01:43:33 You guys are first time. Yeah. The new office is my first time. It's pretty sick, huh? Yeah. And, and by the way,
Starting point is 01:43:39 big cats invited me. It's not, you know, it wasn't, uh, it wasn't you, Brandon. I did invite him.
Starting point is 01:43:43 No, no, no, no, no, no. I actually was the one who invited me. He was the one who texted me and invited yeah i i got the other i got yeah but i invited tony because why wouldn't you invite the boss i like that's
Starting point is 01:43:54 crazy yeah just it's crazy not to invite him you know for everything he does for you it's where's he sitting on wednesday night probably somewhere nice right yeah very very nice yeah a lot of access yeah do i have a lot of access? Yeah, you've got a lot of access. We're going to give you big access. Huge access? Wait, that's good. Big access.
Starting point is 01:44:13 Big access. Oh, that's good. Big access. Put it on the list. I'll send it to you. Oh my God, dude, you're big access. Do you accept that title? Yes, I love that.
Starting point is 01:44:29 That's one of my favorite titles I've ever heard. Big Access, Brandon Walker. Wow. All right, well, Tony, thank you for coming by, man. Thanks for having me. I hope I didn't disrupt the flow of the show. No, no, you're good. It's really nice to see you.
Starting point is 01:44:40 Yeah, everyone tune in to AW. Are you leaving right now? We're going to be done in like 15 minutes. I'll come say hi. Yeah, that'd be great. I'm going to hang out. You have a tune in to AW. Are you leaving right now? We're going to be done in like 15 minutes. I'll come say hi. Yeah, that'd be great. I'm going to hang out. All right, yeah. You have a lot of stuff to do around here.
Starting point is 01:44:48 Hey, real pleasure to meet you. Thanks for having me on. Great to see you guys. Yes. Tony Khan, the man. Let me do a quick ad. Last ad. It says Brandon has to do it.
Starting point is 01:44:58 Brandon, you have to do the better help ad. We would have been stuck on this. Oh, you want to do the hug? Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Did anybody else feel like he was mad at me? Steve?
Starting point is 01:45:09 Steven, go. Steve. Tony's the man. Right there. Going to the right. You forgot something. You're not really going with a lot of pace here. Tell me you forgot something.
Starting point is 01:45:25 To the right. He went to the right Oh no I don't know where he went Oh I'm doing an ad right You sure are The Yak is sponsored by BetterHelp Kids are always learning and growing But as as adults, sometimes we lose that curiosity. What's something you'd like to learn?
Starting point is 01:45:49 Gardening? A new language? Or maybe how to finally beat your best friend in bowling? Therapy can help you reconnect with your sense of wonder because your back-to-school era can come at any age. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. Switch therapist
Starting point is 01:46:09 anytime for no additional charge. Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash yak today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com slash yak. Good read. It doesn't say Brandon has to read this.
Starting point is 01:46:26 It says Brandon Walker to read if possible. Oh, thank you. Better help. Shout out. In a jellyfish shirt. Yeah, that's cool. That's Finding Nemo. Are those Manowars?
Starting point is 01:46:38 No, it's just from Finding Nemo when they get caught up in the... I thought that was an overrated movie. Oh. Oh. I'm serious. was an overrated movie. Oh. Oh. I'm serious. I love that movie. That's a great movie. Finding Dory's trash,
Starting point is 01:46:49 but Finding Nemo's great. I didn't see that. You don't like Finding Nemo? Not really, man. I thought it was... I think it's a top five Pixar joint. Wow.
Starting point is 01:46:55 Yeah, I really do. I'd love to hear your top five Pixar joints. Yeah, The Incredibles. Toy Story 1 and 2. I liked 3 more than 2 and the original Cars
Starting point is 01:47:08 I thought the original Cars was great that's a bad top 5 you're a bad top 5 he's giving his top 5 Pixar joints no WALL-E is ridiculous WALL-E is ridiculous
Starting point is 01:47:17 I don't like WALL-E WALL-E is not that rewatchable Moana well it doesn't need to be rewatchable what company are you at this isn't we don't do rewatchables here we do good movies.
Starting point is 01:47:25 Brandon, I'm happy wrestling is doing well. Well, it's not really doing well. We're getting started. We're getting started. And AEW has given us a lot of access so far, so thank you. So we're going to get it going. We just missed you, that's all. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:47:38 I apologize. I really thought I would be able to get here in like 15 or 30 minutes, and it just got away from me. You should take it as a compliment. Were the shows good so bad did you gel did you mesh
Starting point is 01:47:48 the Mariah Mae one is really good me and Orange Cassidy get together very well was it great when we put the pictures up it was a little awkward she asked me
Starting point is 01:47:59 could you hear her no she was shocked she said where are your nipples at yeah we were too she said why do you have no n was shocked that she said where are your nipples at that yeah we were too said why why do you have no nipples and that became really awkward because every time i
Starting point is 01:48:11 would try to move on to another topic she just wanted to talk about my nipples yeah yeah that actually is a really disturbing picture that's a bad photo are they right on the border they gotta be right they gotta've got to be somewhere around there. They've got to be close. You have to believe we're in range. We've got to be close, guys. We are. First nipple, at least. Did you hear about that submarine that got crushed going down looking for Brandon's nipples?
Starting point is 01:48:40 That's right, the billionaire. So far down. No, it's not that far. No, that's not that far They do look like double droops Yeah they are droopy right there That was a long time ago I don't remember that at all I don't know what's going on there Show us how much you've progressed
Starting point is 01:49:00 I'd rather not Your nipples have raised I've seen you shirtless I guarantee you it's night and day. Give me a minute. One more month. Where's your belly button then? Well, that's not my...
Starting point is 01:49:14 That would have to be it, right? That's not my torso. Well, no, but you're sitting. It's got to be a longer torso. That's pretty accurate. TJ, you're really good. That's it right there. Now draw his cock. That's it right there. Now, draw his cock. Wait, that's too narrow. Oh, he's wearing a dress of some sort?
Starting point is 01:49:31 All right, TJ. What is. Off-center cock? Uncirced? Oh, this is ball. Oh, three ball. Wait. What the hell is that? That's hair. Oh, wait, is that the full cock? Oh, no ball. Wait. What the hell is that?
Starting point is 01:49:45 That's hair. Oh, wait. Is that the full block? Oh, no. No. Oh, no. You thought that was a third ball? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:49:53 I thought that was a third ball. Oh, no. All right. Good to have you back, Brandon. Yeah, I can't believe you skipped out on this. Yeah, what were y'all able to do for an hour and a half if I'm not here? I was here This is Tony Khan's cell phone
Starting point is 01:50:09 Oh shit He left his water too Yeah, his water Wow, you look like a hero, Brandon Tony Oh, Tony Your cell phone I couldn't help but to notice you left this behind.
Starting point is 01:50:29 He does seem happy. Yeah, no, I'm happy for him. I do just miss him. It's just, it's, it's, every time one of us gets a friend, we get jealous. Yeah. Right. Just piss, and it's always Brandon that gets. It's Brandon.
Starting point is 01:50:40 Brandon gets the most friends out of all of us. What the fuck? I, he, no one else gets friends. Who else? That's true. I don't. I just lose friends, yeah. Yeah. I don't get any.
Starting point is 01:50:50 Fuck. It's true. Brandon is like running up the score on us with friends. You guys are kind of all I have left. Yeah. Tommy, who's your best friend at the New York office? Was he appreciative? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:51:03 He was over appreciative. Oh. Damn it. He said, did you walk off the show? said yeah he said fuck man i'm sorry did he give you like he said fuck a lot oh no he almost gave me money during the interview but he didn't tell me who's your best friend in new york i mean i would say a lot of my day is spent sitting next to glenny showing each other girls instagrams on our phones nice this girl's hot what do you think of this girl hot that's pretty much so maybe maybe that do you find that fulfilling yeah how'd you do this summer yeah in terms of women you know yeah uh a good start and then i've been i've been a little bit off women recently do you have any scares or close calls? So you're like, we could have been like, oh. No, no, not that I know of.
Starting point is 01:51:47 You basically were like, Tommy Smokes is on pace for 75 home runs. Right, he went to slump. Once you go in a slump, it's hard to get back on that. You ended up with eight. Tommy, did you see the young lady who's here? Yeah. Who? The young lady that I interviewed.
Starting point is 01:52:03 Would you like to talk to her? You should talk to her. I don't know if I should. Wait, what was the scare? I mean, you know, sometimes, I mean, not a real scare, but sometimes they go, I hope she's, you know, taking care of herself in terms of. What? Abortion?
Starting point is 01:52:18 No, no. Wait, is that how we have to ask the question how you did this summer? How many abortions did you have? No, I've... What's your number? What's your literal body? Alright, well good. I want you to be doing well. Yeah, but right now I'm a little bit off, women.
Starting point is 01:52:41 It's just, you know, I'm focusing on... I want to try to be healthy. I want to go to the gym and stuff. I can't go to the gym and be having sex with women. Did you get jilted? It's impossible. What? You get jilted or something?
Starting point is 01:52:51 What's that? Like you're off women now. Did something happen with the last one? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Have you had a girlfriend recently or you just kind of, you're the bachelor? It's been a while. Yeah. It's been at least a couple of years.
Starting point is 01:53:02 Yeah. Have you had a second date? A second date? Earlier this year. About May, June, maybe. I had a couple second dates. I very rarely have two dates. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:53:14 But if a girl gets a second date, it's probably going to go further. Oh. Because it's like, oh, if I didn't like her after the first date, I kind of know. And then otherwise I could, you know, perhaps see a future with them. Maybe we settle down and have kids one day. Yeah, maybe. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:53:29 maybe. Could be. Yeah, maybe. Are you good at breaking up? No, just kind of, Oh,
Starting point is 01:53:35 just, you know, you really asked that question. Hope they forget. He's not good at any interactions. He just sends her that sound over voice text. You want to get a drink on Thursday? Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:53:52 If I have a daughter, I'll kill myself. Women are fine. What's up, Brandon? Hey. You thinking about the interviews? Yeah. You got to be present when you come back. I'm present.
Starting point is 01:54:07 Daddy Day is tomorrow. I'm sorry. Already made a mistake. You already made a mistake. So excited. You already said the Jaguars are going to go 11-5. And we'll come to Museum on Thursday. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:54:19 You're not excited about that. All right. You and Will don't really. Don't do this. Don't put me against now you got now you gotta say no don't put me against will compton it's more of a taylor thing why are you are you gonna be you want to be the first dump in that don't you i do uh you titus we forgot to even mention camp was actually a lot of fun. It was great.
Starting point is 01:54:45 Yeah, that feels like so long ago. I was watching a little bit of it. You would have had a blast. Next year, we'll do it again. It was so much fun. I was very jealous. You're going to have to get married again next year. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:54:55 Yeah. It was a lot, a lot of fun. Congrats. Oh, thanks, Tommy. Thanks. Thank you. Are you going to go to Dana's wedding? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:55:04 Are you? I think he invited me knowing I wouldn't go But I'd send a nice gift Which was such a smart move by him Because I will send a nice gift But you're not going to go? I don't know, when is it? I want to say it's next May-ish
Starting point is 01:55:19 Somewhere in that age It's a flight It's a flight for me, too. I think it's in Massachusetts. Yeah, I'll get him a nice gift. Yeah. I made his bachelor party. What?
Starting point is 01:55:33 Yeah. Where is it? I'd rather go to his bachelor party. A few months ago, Dana said that we're going to have to do some work for me to get an invite to the wedding. Now I'm at the bachelor party. Wait. That's pretty sad for him. Wait. Do you think I could trade the wedding invite for the bachelor party invite invite to the wedding. Now I'm at the bachelor party. That's pretty sad for him. Wait, do you think I could trade the wedding invite
Starting point is 01:55:48 for the bachelor party invite? Probably, yeah. Maybe. Did he choose one of the places he went on his bachelor party series? He did not. When is his bachelor party? Maybe April-ish.
Starting point is 01:55:59 Okay, in Florida? Yeah. Just all of Florida? Yeah, he's doing all of it. We should throw him a bachelor party on the yak. Whoa. Yeah. Just all of Florida? Yeah, he's doing all of it. We should throw him a bachelor party on the yak. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, I would do a bachelor.
Starting point is 01:56:10 Kate, can you get us that stripper? Yes. Okay. We should just be a case race. We should just throw him a case race wedding party. We should. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:56:19 Yeah. We should have. That's the next case race. I seriously want to do a thousand beer week. He would be needed. That was another thing we were pitching thousand beers in a week so the thousandth episode for the Yak is like probably a hundred or I think Connor said it was like 150 ways
Starting point is 01:56:36 so it'd be next spring sometime and we were saying if we did for the entire week we couldn't finish until we finished a thousand beers and I assume you did the math what is that it's a lot of beers we couldn't finish until we finished 1,000 beers. And I assume you did the math. What is that? It's a lot of beers. We didn't do the math.
Starting point is 01:56:48 No math. No math. It's too many beers. That's 200 beers a day. Yep. And we don't have 20 people. And we don't have 20 people. So it's like 15 beers a day
Starting point is 01:57:05 for what we have for five days straight. That's a lot of beers. It's too many beers. That's a lot of beers. Would you be live until you finish all the beers? Yeah. Per person. We'd have to stack it.
Starting point is 01:57:14 We'd have to have everyone chip in. I feel like the upside is huge. What is like the worst case? Alcohol poisoning. We say some really fucked up shit Yeah I think that would get Crazy traction I lose my
Starting point is 01:57:30 It would get crazy traction I'm very I want to do it But I also don't know How we would do it Being live TJ I would recommend
Starting point is 01:57:39 Not being live Okay Yeah So what we would just tape I get I get 20 beers and they all start tugging my dick for sure. That's a fact.
Starting point is 01:57:49 And 30, I'll start tugging it. It would be funny if we did it maybe what we do is we just do like we just sleep here and we just go back live whenever we're ready to start drinking. We just like fire it back up. We're ready to go. So it's like we just sleep here and we're just, we just go back live whenever we're ready to start drinking. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:58:07 We're just like fire it back up. We're ready to go. So it's like, we just, and we're just like, you get some beds. Yeah. And we're just like, we're not leaving the office till we drink it.
Starting point is 01:58:16 Yeah. A thousand beers. Yeah. Because like if we started, if we started at like 7am and then you get hung over and then it's like 7pm, let's fucking go again. It's like the free throw challenge. Yeah's a thousand beers oh man this would be pretty fucking awesome we would need a bigger group yeah we would but not like you don't want to overdo it obviously you don't want like 70 people no we would i think we would just call on like
Starting point is 01:58:40 you know we'd have ronan Sass and Caleb. Deutsch. Deutsch. Oh, Deutsch. Just put Deutsch in a corner. A fifth day Deutsch. Is he still alive? Yeah, Deutsch is still alive. Oh, Deutsch would have to be in. He's doing well. Deutsch would just be sitting.
Starting point is 01:58:55 Yeah, we'd put him in a cage with like 700 of the beers. It's five days. How many people do we need? What if we each do a 60 beer week? Yeah we each we each do a 60 beer week yeah definitely you could do a 60 beer week so what's 60 times our so if everyone is we need 16 people and we have i mean we have like with the booth too so it wouldn't be that big of a stretch and And we had Deutsch. Yeah, I think we can do this. How we would do it.
Starting point is 01:59:26 I think we can do it guestless. How we would do it live, though, is the problem. Could Deutsch put up a quarter of the beers? Yes. 50 beers a day? No, he couldn't. I think he could. I think Deutsch could do 250 beers. i don't think we know his limit
Starting point is 01:59:48 i don't i don't think we have the technology because before he came here for this thing he had just finished doing what the 999 he had just come from doing three innings right yeah for the for yeah the case race day he probably had 25 beers. At least. Yeah, at least. Could he do that for seven straight days? Yes, I think so. I think he could. I think he could. Oh, he would make me ascend.
Starting point is 02:00:13 He is my kryptonite. Yeah, yeah. Deutsch, the Deutsch. Pickles me. We really should. A degree unknown. Man, now I'm thinking about we just hire Deutsch and just have him come in. I would sign off on that.
Starting point is 02:00:25 But I want him to have like a tank, like an exhibit. Yeah. And you can like feed him a beer through a little hole. What if he was just a Deutsch tank? What if he was just the keeper of the Wilcompton Museum? Okay. Yeah. He's in the stall at all times.
Starting point is 02:00:42 Yeah, just watching him. He's just sitting there in the corner. Yeah, Deutsch is limitless he is possibilities are limitless alright I gotta run to do something should we spin the wheel we did all the ads right big week coming up
Starting point is 02:00:59 great to have you back Titus oh yeah we didn't even talk about this that was an all time clip all in a day's work yeah those four seconds he just went in up there just the car size is so funny it looks i don't want to buy that drive all the time yeah i just have well well we got to track down that car because I was thinking about it. We're still far away, but Mincy Clemmer Day will be in February. We got to start planning.
Starting point is 02:01:32 Those two in that car. In that car. Funniest visual of all time. Them racing. We should just have them do like a hundred lap race just to decide who gets to go first. It doesn't even count. It doesn't count. it doesn't even count it's just a coin toss
Starting point is 02:01:46 are we bad people? oh yeah oh terrible alright I'll live with that I think the beauty of the Yak is like we're kind of there's a little bit of like real life always sunny involved it's a little bit that and Seinfeld where we're like we're not morally correct yes correct
Starting point is 02:02:02 and we're not kind to one another. No. Yeah. Oh, it's still a fairly laid-back situation, a dangerous situation at the same time, because, again, the highway patrol does not want to intimidate this vehicle into doing anything that they really don't want them to do. And the main thing is what has been going on. Oh, man. All right, let's spin the wheel, TJ. All right, we're good it's been dry yeah we've been dry all right data day tomorrow everyone come ready chat we need you chat data day is just about as much about the chat as is about us
Starting point is 02:03:02 we need you we need you uh all right see everyone thank you tommy yeah thank you it's the act Good to be back. Shout out to Lucas for holding it down last week. Let's have a week. Love you guys. Bye.

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