The Yak - Trying On Each Other's Pants in Chicago | The Yak 6-8-23

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello! It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Hello. It's the Yak. Live from Chicago. Sponsored by Roback. Roback.com.

Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Promo code Yak. Che's rocking it. Roback.com. Looks good on Che. Looking at Che right now. Yep. Brandon, too. Thank you, Jay. Brandon good on Che. Looking at Che right now.

Yep. Brandon too. Thank you, Jerry. Brandon as well. We are live from Chicago. We have the Dozen Final Four tonight. We have two special guests on the Yak today. So it's Brandon, Roan, Che, myself, and then Jersey Jerry and Kirk Minahan,

who legacy is on the line tonight. Yeah. Nervous. He doesn't like to set up. Can we fix his mic? Can we get his mic higher? He's going to claim this is mental warfare now. I just can't hear myself.

I don't need these. What is this for? Che, let him have your headphones. To hear. To hear. Fine. You're white. I'm good, Steve.

Che, take mine. Take mine. I'm good. You take mine. No, you take mine. I don't want any. I don't want any. Okay, all right. I don't want any. All right. All right. It's good to be here. You're already fine. You're white. I'm good, Steve. Take mine. Take mine. I'm good. You take mine. No, you take mine. I don't want any. I don't want any. Okay, all right.

I don't want any. All right. All right. It's good to be here. I'm a Chicago guy. I might join you guys. Let's go. Did you have a nice...

Leave a family. I'm good. I'm all set here. Did you have a nice run on the lake today? Well, I didn't really find a lake. How did you miss the lake? I told you to just run towards the lake. Yeah, I wound up in a nice neighborhood, though. It was fine. There was enough Wall Street Journalism. I knew I wasn't going find a lake. How did you miss the lake? I told you to just run towards the lake. Yeah, I wound up in a nice neighborhood, though.

It was fine. There was enough Wall Street journals that I knew I wasn't going to like. I was fine. So I just kind of kept going around two or three blocks for about 40 minutes. So no problem. You just ran around the block. A couple of blocks, yeah. There was a Starbucks.

There was some nice neighborhoods. There was some nice people. There was some rainbow flags. So I knew I was in like a. You probably ran through Boys Town. Boys Town is right here. I saw that. I did see that, yes. My guys. ran through Boys Town. Boys Town is right here. I saw that. Yes.

I did see that, yes. My guys, yes. So it was good. It was fine. I'm looking forward to tonight. This is like a top five most important night of my life tonight. Holy shit. Top five.

I need to win this. I need to win this. I need to win this. And I'm happy Brandon's here because without him, you know, we wouldn't be here. We would not. That's true. That is correct. Brandon's trying to just... I've know, we wouldn't be here. You're not. That's true. That is correct.

Brandon's trying to just. I've said that from the start. I haven't denied that. Brandon's trying to figure out how to spoil a live show tonight. I play Brandon like a fucking fiddle. Not really. I just can't. I can't be wrong.

I can't. I have to say it. That's why I did it. The fact that you didn't know the Sugar Ray song is embarrassing. You should know that. That's past. I'm 50 years old. I don't know that stuff.

I don't know it. Well, Rico should have known it. Sugar Ray was famous 25 years ago. Right. But at that point, it's just not what I listened to. You weren't listening to music when you were 28? This is a Bruce Springsteen. John Fogarty.

He's a sports journalist. Also, why are we talking about Kirk's legacy? He's just a regular season guy. This is my show. Because he is the one. Well, first of all, it's not your show anymore because you've cheated. This is my show. You've cheated.

You've spoiled. You never won a title, right? Kirk, you had never won a playoff game until I helped you. You didn't win a title. How was your? I don't even understand. It's my show. You weren't even all dozen this year.

Yeah, you weren't even all dozen this year. Because. You don't even. You have never even. You have no ships. Have you ever won a live tournament? Yes. A Mickey Mouse live tournament.

Where are the trophies? Back in the office. No. My desk. I have those trophies. You bought them. tournament? Yes. A Mickey Mouse live tournament. Where are the trophies? Back in the office. My desk. I have those trophies. You bought them. Yeah, exactly. And you should know the Arizona one. The Arizona one.

Fran was MVP. That was bullshit. She was not. Do you know he has no trophies? I did know that. We did an auction. I bought them. You bought my trophies.

So who won the trophies? I won the trophies. Me, Fran, and PFC. I won the trophies at an auction. It was a Mickey Mouse bullshit championship. That was because of you. That was because of you. And I probably won't even get caught cheating tonight, so you're fucked.

We're going to try to cheat. We're going to cheat. Yeah, we've actually worked out the Morse code. Don't fuck. I'm playing again. Don't fuck. First of all, Morse code's my neighborhood. I've mastered that.

Yeah, no. Chase on it, though. Blinking. Yes. Yeah. You're playing against Chase on it, though. Yes. Yeah. There's no... You're playing against us in the first match. Yeah. Yeah, this is one of these rare matches where everybody likes everybody, I think.

I don't want this to become... No. Don't you like him? No, it's true. I've actually told Kirk before that... And this will sound fucked up. Once we get in between the white lines, I want to win. That always happens with the dozen.

But if you told me that we lost, but there's a 100% chance Kirk beats Brandon in the finals, I would take that. Yeah, well, all due respect to you three guys, because I like all three of you guys, we're winning tonight. That's a guarantee. I guarantee you when the playoffs started, we're winning the championship. So I'm going to carry Rico Bosco and Quiggs to the championship. You know, that is going to happen.

Now, the X factor in the tournament, because I'll get my points, you know, I'll get my stuff. Everyone knows that. The X factor of the tournament is Rico Bosco. Did he make it? Because he was worried he wasn't going to make it with the Hays in New York. He was going to take a bus from the island. He was tweeting at the airport and then texting the team about people

wearing Caitlin Clark jerseys, which is concerning to me, because it's not high on my list of priorities. He was tweeting at the airport and then texting the team about people wearing Caitlin Clark jerseys, which is concerning to me because it's not high on my list of priorities of any day. How's that team group chat, you, Quiggs, and Rico? Brief. Yeah. Brief. You also made a mistake, Kirk.

So yesterday you had a vintage Kirk Minahan day. I loved it. You were just basically ripping everyone. I was in the mood. He claimed that Rico's been more loyal to Kirk. I loved it. You were just basically ripping everyone. Right. I was in the movie. He was like, he claimed that Rico's been more loyal to Kirk than I've been. I agree with that.

He was doing rap battles, mocking you. That shit is easy to do. It's the best. I'll do a rap battle anytime. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm going after everyone.

I'm equipped now as a rap. I think I'm like, give us a bar. Be Rabbit. You're Eminem. Eminem. You're like Eminem. Who's Be Rabbit?

Okay. You know 8 Mile. You know 8 Mile. I've seen the motion picture. You know the motion picture. B-Rabbit. M&M. You're like M&M. It was B-Rabbit. Okay, you know 8 Mile. You know 8 Mile. I've seen the motion picture, yeah. You know the motion picture. Curtis Hanson directed it. I need to be, I need to get the flow. All right, when you come up with one, just drop it on us. I missed the show.

What were the punchlines, or do you remember what the bars were? It was basically like, you know, I was basically like, oh, when you fucking roam, like this fucking rap, you know, I'm nice. I forget what it is. Something yak and whack. It was nice.

That's good. But I did the Roam, Clown. A beatbox. Which is actually pretty satisfying to do. I might become a rapper now.

Once I retire, maybe I'll become a rapper. I'm telling you it's easy. But you made one crucial mistake yesterday. What was that? You texted Dave saying, don't talk

to rico well i mean but there is there is a there's a performative aspect of course of course but dave not talking to rico is actually going to make rico more of a head i don't know that i don't but if dave walks by rico and doesn't say anything look at that text you'll be like oh yeah you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna agree to that request no of course not of course not but when dave doesn't talk to rico rico goes out of his mind. Why didn't you say hi to me? Why didn't you do this? Rico talks to himself in the form of Dave.

Right. He has the conversation in his mind. Rico said to me when I was there last time after we won the first round, he's like, for the semifinals, if we make it to Chicago, he's like, Portnoy's going to be in New York anyway. Like, private plane. Like, I'm here. I's like, Portnoy's going to be in New York anyway. Private plane. I'm here. I was like, I don't know.

You can ask him. Tonight might be more important for Rico than it is for you. There's a chance that he could beat you and then beat Dave. That would be incredible for Rico. That would be a massive legacy point. That's a great point. You don't know. But I think he's the X factor the whole tournament.

I would agree. When he plays well, we definitely win. When he doesn't play well, it's like 50-50. Did you know Fran's team and your team, those teams... Brandon, she's in the center of the fucking poster, not you. I'd actually say she's the most popular player. Right. I'd actually say I'm the X Factor for my team in the fact that I'm the weakest link.

So if I can get one or two out of my ass. Don't do this. Don't do this. Steven, you're the third ranked player. Kirk, you're focused on the wrong thing. You're focused on Dave messing with Rico. When this guy gets Rico on stage tonight. I haven't done anything to him.

He's going to play volleyball. I haven't done anything to him. I have not done anything to him. You're not going to do anything to him tonight. I gave Kirk my word. He's a man of God. I'm just saying. This is a man of God. I'm just saying. This is a man of God.

It's not a bad day if you don't make it one. Is that what Rico says? I think so. He's excited. And I think Quiggs, you know. I was saying this. I had Eddie in earlier. The problem with our team, if there's a problem, is that Quiggs is a nice guy.

So when he has the right answer, Rico will. If Rico does his Rico thing, Quigg's not going to fight back with me. He's definitely not going to fight back with Rico. He needs to advocate for himself. Rico is actually and I will say this about him, credit to him, he is 100% in the right answer after the right answer is said.

He is 100% when someone says the right answer, he's like, yeah, that's what I was going to say. He's the best ever. He is really good at that. He is definitely the best of all time. He's like, oh, I was going to say that. Yeah, yes. You had like Benji Molina, I think, in one of your rounds. Yeah, yeah, Benji Molina.

I can't give it away. We have a niche category against you guys tonight that's so, it's kind of obscure. But I like the idea of like Rico's like, it's for me, obviously. He's like, I'm looking, I'll study it too, just in case this week. And I like the idea of Rico, this particular, I'm it's for me, obviously. He's like, I'm looking, I'll, I'll study it too, just in case this week. And I like the idea of Rico, this particular piece of entertainment that he's working on. If you know the P the idea of Rico, they spend like 12 seasons of a show or listening to something or reading

something. The idea of Rico being, so he texted me about this week and he was basically like, yeah, this thing's a lot going on here. I guess there is. I don't know. He called me the other day.

He called me a couple days ago. He's like, so, you know, what's the strategy for this match? I was like, my strategy is hopefully to answer more questions correctly than this team, and then the next game is worse. Get the answers right. Strategy. One thing that we got to worry about is this guy with you. Yeah.

Is Stephen Che with you? There's no one who could, no competitor, no team on the other side could get in my head more than Stephen Che does. There's no player I respect as a player on the other teams in the tournament tonight more than Stephen Che, Brandon. I love that. You could have just said that. Yeah, he did say it. You didn't have to have Brandon.

No, you were looking at me. No, you were looking at me. I've beaten you twice head-to-head in one-on-one matchups. Those are exhibitions. I've beaten you in the one that counts. Stephen's ability to get questions wrong so confidently basically puts me in a tailspin. We also are, we looked back,

I was watching the game that Brandon spoiled. That was pretty dumb. We just didn't read one of the questions. We were answering the places where the trivia, where it was championships, where the championships were held. We answered an NHL question. NHL wasn't included in the question.

He said not NHL. And I was like, oh, the lightning one. That's how stupid we are. We just don't read the questions. Yeah, but you're doing this thing now. No, I'm not. It happened. I'm trying to do it.

It happened. Look how dumb we are. Yes, we are dumb. What are we doing? Lowering expectations. You can? It's low expectations. You can see low expectations. You're just making a convincing noise. Yeah.

In either the first match or if you guys win the second match, there's going to be a point where you're going to need Rico to come up with the correct answer. That's why I slept three hours last night. Right. Yeah. My legacy rests on the shoulders of Rico Bosco. Has he done a live one yet. What a scary, scary...

Yeah, but Boston was friendly. This is not going to be friendly to Rico. No, bring it on. Yeah, no, bring it on. I'm comfortable. You know, we're going to get booed. That's fine. Dan's... It's going to be great. That's fine. And I know, like, oh, here comes

the yak, and Dan's going to be like, what's trivia? Like, what? I will. Correct. That's fine. And I know, like, oh, here comes the yak. And, like, Dan's going to be like, what's trivia? Like, what? Yeah. I will. Yes. Correct. I'm going to rhyme. Yeah. These are private trivias.

Do we keep score here? And she'll be like, oh, yeah. It's like, how many rounds? I hate that. I fucking hate that. You care. You want to win the title. I said the minute the lights turn on, I care.

You want to win the title. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. I want to win the title the minute the lights turn on i care okay i i will no buts no buts no no no no buts here's the only but unlike this guy sitting to my right i won't spend the entire day an anxious mess pacing up and down the hallways

right so that's the only difference when the lights turn on i I want to win, no matter what. I will say Brandon has been a lot cooler and collected today than he was when the – his, like, qualifier matches were going. We're still seven hours away. He's going to be a fucking mess. He was a mess. Brandon was giving off insane weird energy in New York. Like, really, like, Kaczynski energy. Yeah, like, call someone to a wellness check.

I've been in rooms and places with people like that, and it felt like that. It did. And I will be again, I'm sure. You can see his skin changing. You can see it getting blotchy on the spot. You can see little aneurysms. Did you say he looked like Bridget Nielsen the other day?

Yeah. Did you say that? Nailed it. The hair. Yeah. To Drago's wife. Yes. Yeah.

Okay. Well, he knew. He knew who it was. But yes, I want to win. That's not a good sign. Virginia Nielsen. And Brandon wants to win. Who wants to win more, you or Brandon, do you think?

I think it's equal. Yeah. Yeah, don't even tell him. I don't know. I want to win, of course. What level? I have to win. That's the difference.

If he doesn't win, he'll quit. One to ten, how bad? Or worse. Or worse. I've seen a lot of trains going through this town, Jerry. That's what I would say. They're both cool. Basically, did you watch Succession? No, I thought it stunk.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Because in the last episode when Kendall's like, if I don't have this job, I'll die. Right. Like, basically saying he's going to commit suicide. Yeah. Yeah. Let's not joke about that.

No, certainly not. Certainly not. No, no, no. These guys are both going to be on level 20 when- Yes. I'm pretty laid back. I'm not going to- I was trying to make level 20 a thing. Yeah, no, I don't like that both going to be on level 20 when 7 o'clock. I'm pretty laid back. I'm not going to. I was trying to make level 20 a thing.

Yeah, no, I don't like that. Can we stop that right now? Is that taking off or no? I have a question outside of trivia because Jerry's here. Yes. You don't believe Jerry when it comes to the furniture issue. I don't. I can't believe that.

It felt like a fake. You know how much I like you. Of course. That felt like an Alex Bennett, Jordan Woodruff one you of course that felt like a like a like an alex bennett jordan woodruff one where it's like it's like what's a penis like if you put a penis if you put the penis in your mouth and like something comes out of it after a while that's like one of those videos like and i know you're above that so i like this i'm 28 i've been living with my mom my whole life you're young looking 28 so like, I don't know the ins and outs.

So you thought when you buy a house, just all furniture stays. Well, I just ruined my mortgage right now because I put stuff on credit cards. Yeah. And I didn't clear through the underwriting yet. So they're freaking out at me. Okay. So I don't know this process. Okay.

I didn't believe that. And I'll say this at my show today. I said at my show the other day, I don't believe Jake Marsh made the hole in one. Yeah. Why? I don't. I don't believe that, and I'll say this at my show today. I said at my show the other day, I don't believe Jake Marsh made the hole-in-one. Yeah, why? I don't. Why? Jake's not going to do that. He's the only person in the world.

Yeah, he definitely faked that. He's the only person in the world that wouldn't lie. I know, but that's why he did it. It's a perfect crime. Yes, that's why. You never saw it go in. You really never see him take it out of the hole. I would never count that as a hole-in-one. Never.

Bull-fucking-shit. Not to the world! You would do a live show from the green. Not to the world. You would do a live Kirtman Hand show from the green. If I was playing with you guys and I made the hole-in-one, you saw it. You would call Kirtman and say, hey, get out of here. You've got to get out to fresh oaks.

But if that's the video proof, I sure as fuck wouldn't be broadcasting out to the world. Bullshit. That'd be like saying I banged, what's her name? The one who played Marilyn Monroe in the movie a year or two ago. Because the video of me shaking her hand.

Why did the video cut? That's the equivalent. It did cut. Why did it cut? Why did it cut? Where's the ball going in the hole? We'll have to ask

the hard question. It's 197 yards away. TJ will pull it up. He should have took the phone and ran. He should have run. He should have run

right to the hole. If you're going to do that, there should be a separate thing on the green. If you're going to claim that as a video hole. So every hole he plays, he should go put a camera on the green? Yes, if you're going to take hole in one credit. Absolutely. And I like Jake. I'm just saying.

He's not. He wouldn't do this. No, Jake wouldn't do that. I got to be honest. Kirk and Ron are starting to get in my head here. He wouldn't do this. No, Jake wouldn't do that. I got to be honest. Kirk and Roan are starting to get in my head here. Jakey Smoleta. You can really. I'm just not seeing it. And this guy up here in the black shirt doing a great acting job.

Yes. Oh, he's running to get. Well, then why doesn't the video stay going? Let's just say this. Thank you, Roan. I believe Jake, but you could easily remake this video without the ball going in the hole. You can't see it go in. All I'm saying is he may have done it, but that to me is not a video I made a hole in.

Yeah, you have to sprint. The minute you hit it, you have to sprint. I don't see it. It's like your bullshit 300-yard drive. Who knows? I don't know. Look at this. Look at this.

Now he's rubbing it in my face. Your bullshit is saying you wouldn't put it out. I wouldn't. So he said he's shaking. You can't see him shake right now. I don't see any shake going on. Oh, wow. Oh, gee.

That must be the same. I mean, like, what are you doing here? And look. Taylor made. So it's a Taylor made. So this is an ad. And by the way, keep in mind, he's been doing more and more golf stuff lately online.

Yeah. Oh, weird. So now he's trying. This is. I don't like the ad for it. Can you zoom in on the ball when he first hits it or no? No. Believe me.

Oh, I didn't think of that. I'll say this. Next time I play golf, I will be hitting a hole in the net. Why not? And it will be on my scorecard. And I'm not even going to post a video of it. It's just going to have all my scorecards. It's 40 hole-in-ones.

Yeah, it's fine. Nice kid, but I'm just saying. It puts everything in question. It's like, oh, it's acting. That's the easiest acting to do. Jump up and down and scream positively. Who's the dummies with? Does anybody know or no?

No. I'm sure they got together. It's the nicest actor. He's like, we'll make a hole in one. Let's bro it up. I saw the guy at Sandy Hook. This helps the case because it was no content people. It was just good friends.

Weird. Yeah. Who'd be friends with him? How many views on that thing? A couple mil. Oh, nice. Incredible interaction. Incredible for Taylor? How many views on that thing? A couple mil. Oh, geez. Incredible interaction. Incredible for TaylorMade.

Guys like Dan just go along. They just retweet it. Now I feel bad for congratulating him. Have you ever turned it off? Are you ever not cynical? I don't believe it. Believe in something one time. You want me to believe it?

Believe in something one time. It's nice out here. I don't believe you made the hole in one. I believe in Jake Marsh. Seven million views. Seven million views for that drip. I mean, what are we talking about here? That's a hole in one.

No, it's not. No, it's not. What's like an average TaylorMade video? What does it do? What does an average TaylorMade video do? Not seven million. Not seven million. Thank you.

And it's like, if you can get to that number, wouldn't you kind of plan something? Shouldn't a play-by-play guy as a journalist have some integrity? Ron, did you already have this germ in your head, or you flip that fast i just like the idea that jake is an agent of chaos he loves this idea the fact that jake seemingly the most wholesome like the thing that just hurt my argument is being like he's the only person in the world who wouldn't lie about it let me ask you that is the perfect crime look if. Let me ask you this. If he did it and made a hole-in-one, would you believe him? No.

No. Never. That's the whole point. Never in a million years. That's the whole point. I could make a hole-in-one. Maybe, but I'm just saying. I didn't believe

his actual golf drives. I saw the real video that you're fucking shanking every one of them. No, no, no. I saw that video. No, no, no. We're not doing

that shit again. Can we find the video of Brandon hitting the dribblers? I did multiple years of back-to-back just bang, bang, bang. Working on that shit again. Can we find the video of Brandon hitting the dribblers? I did multiple years of back-to-back, just bang, bang, bang. Working on Adobe or whatever. Multiple years? Yeah, it was last year I did one, and then this year I did one.

Two years. Two years. That's multiple. That's a multiple. It's a multiple of one. Makes it look further at night. I tried to do it in the day, and they disappear. I hit the same balls, but they disappear.

It just doesn't look as good. Nighttime is better for hitting balls. Just is. Our question in everything. The unedited video. But Jerry, I believe Jerry that he's thought to furniture.

No, I believe you, Jerry. Because I didn't, I had doubts. Like I said in my show, I never said, I love Jerry. Jake Marsh, I think, is a goddamn phony.

And like, he should probably be fired. But look, I don't call the shots. You do. Is he moving to Chicago? He is. Oh, great. Fucking Al Capone all over again. He's going to I don't call the shots. You do. Is he moving to Chicago? He is. Oh, great.

Fucking Al Capone all over again. He's going to run the city in three weeks. Get ready. Perfect crime. Prohibition and hole-in-ones. When somebody looks like they have no original sin, when someone looks like they're completely infallible, it's the remember Hard Knocks a few years ago?

Brian Cox? He was like, never trust a man without a vice. He was like smoking a million cigars. Where's Jake Marsh's vice? Nothing. Fake videos. Works too hard. He cares too much. Announcers?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Announcers? I'm just asking questions. You know? You guys go back in your bubble if you want. Life might be easier. I think it's fair. It is.

Oh, you believe him? No, life is just easier in a bubble. Do you believe me? Do you believe me the whole time? Spoken like the greatest mind we've ever had. The most unflappable human being on earth, Stephen Che. Life is better. Oh, yeah, here's Brandon. Brandon, I'll admit, has pretty good drive.

Wait, wait, show it again. He crushed this one. Anybody can crush drive. How far did that go, Brandon, in reality? It went to the trees back there. It was just behind the 250. Pete. There's way more I can go.

I'll say that. All right, but this is Quiggs. Quiggs did this. No, he didn't. We don't have internet here, apparently. Oh, that's good. So Chicago's going to be the same. It's consistent.

Pete just makes sure. How far is the new place from here? A couple miles. Yeah. Straight by the United Center. I like this setup. It's a nice setup quiet no one's here yeah chicago's nicer you guys it's good everyone here's going to chicago right i'm not oh you're not i'm not no i thought you were still in the pitch no chance uh no how come uh i just uh like my my family's from the East Coast. It's like a two-hour drive to Philly. You know, it's much simpler.

He's also attached to Sass, who's the king of New York. Yeah, Sass runs shit in New York. So it's tough to, I'm kind of under his thumb. Well, he's definitely went to the Bulls. That's what I'm hoping. Yeah, he's a free agent. Oh, was he with the Bulls? He was with the Bulls for the second half of last year.

Is that who he got traded to when we were in Arizona? Yes. No, he got traded to the Magic, and then he got bought out. Oh, right, right, right. It was like a little buyout deal. Steven, you said something to us before we started. You never have tried on clothes? Yeah, before you buy them.

Do you try on clothes? He was surprised that we did. What do you mean? Like if I'm at a store? Do you try on pants? For sure. You've got you try on pants for sure? Pants and like a button down shirt? Yeah, but uncomfortable pants are like

you can't go through life. Pants are a crap shoot. I'll try on shirts too. Oh yeah, yeah. I'm saying like you've never like so if you've gone to the Gap or whatever in your life, you just grab the He said he's had pants for years. You just take your best shot. What if the pants don't fit?

Holding up pants does not work because it flattens out the waistline. It doesn't know the depth. I just recently... What? Yes. Put what around your neck? You put pants around your neck? Yes.

How do you mean? How do you mean? You hold your pants up. You're saying your neck's similar. Take your pants off right now and show us. Well, these are different because these are jogs. Yeah, but still, we could show it. Are you saying your neck is similar to your waist?

Is that the argument? I guess. He's going to show us. It's not, though. Maybe a leg. Maybe one leg. You go in and try to buy these pants. So what are these?

I don't know. They're inside out now. Does that matter? They're inside out now. Okay. Take this. Yeah? You put it around your neck.

That's your way. Wait, what? If these two edges touch, then it's good. Because it's a half. So it should be, if it's half of your waist size, if it's like a 34. We're all wearing pants. You're taking your pants off. Yeah, I'm going to try.

It works. I'm telling you. It'll fit around your neck. It makes sense because if you're a 33 waist, and then you would have – that means you'd have a 16-and-a-half neck or something like that. But then you kind of need a proportionate waist-neck type of situation. How you doing, Kirk?

I'm not wearing pants. I would actually try this. I'm not wearing pants. You can do it with shorts. Yeah. Do you go work with shorts? Yeah, you can work with shorts. Take your pants off, Kirk.

Well, there's a belt on it. Does it matter? No. So what do you say it matter yeah that works perfect right no it did he's right I mean it works but obviously it works because you're wearing them

currently already we know they fit what if you start doing like neck exercises use your pants and give it to big cat and it won't fit well yeah give me your pants and give it to Big Cat and it won't fit. Well, yeah. Correct. All right, Stephen,

give me your pants. Oh, shit. Let me see your pants. Like, perfectly. I know. Robacks. What size are these? Large. Oh, these don't fit.

Exactly. And I'm an XL in Robacks. What are you saying? Hold on. So you pull, you go, what are you telling you, bro? Oh, what?

That's what works. So I put them around like this? No. No, yeah, you go like that. Flatten them out. You gotta zip them up bro. Oh. That's what works. So I put them around like this? No. No, yeah, you go like that. Flatten them out. You got to zip them up. Oh, I got to zip them up. Yeah, you button them up.

What's wrong, Brandon? Why don't you check your own fucking pants? My pants fit. Check them. No, I'm not checking my pants because I'm wearing. Yep. And then you just take the two ends and put it around your neck. I have an open dick flap today.

I put a belt around my neck before. How does it, Kirk? Nice? That was a fit. That was a fit. It actually fits as comfortable as it fits around my waist. It's got like a roomy. Sweet.

So, Jerry, are you going to like stores and you're just walking around picking up pants, just going like this the whole time? That's all I do. And then just putting them back down? That's all I have to say. That's way easier. So easy. Wow. It works every time. So easy. Wow.

It works every time. The neck trick. Look at this. Oh, look. See? The neck trick. There you go. Where the hell did you learn this, Jerry?

Yeah, how did you learn this? Years ago. From a woman? My mom taught me. That feels like a parent thing. That has to be. Huh. What the hell?

I mean, this is... I was always like a fussy kid, my mom said. I was always a chubby, fussy kid. I would hate to go in the dressing room, so that's what she would do. A chubby, fussy kid. What about lumping those two things together? Chubby and fussy. The what?

The length of the pants? No, I don't think... I mean, there might be, but I don't know that trick. Yeah, that's a different measurement. That one you have to put in the future. The length is the length. You're the same length forever. The length you could do the whole time.

You have to put the bottom of the pants inside your mouth for the length. How good is that trick, though? I guarantee you'll never try on pants again. No, I won't. I never have to try on pants. I will continue to try on pants. I will not try on pants ever again. But sometimes it's like they do vanity sizing, and they'll be like, oh, this is a 33-inch waist,

but it'll really be like a 34-and-a-half-inch waist. Yeah, the fits are different. They, like, sneak it down a little bit to make us fat boys feel a little bit better about our bellies, about our guts. Yeah, just tell people that you're a skinny size. Why not just wear the size that you are? Who gives a fuck about what size you are? I could feel nicer, a little confidence boost.

Yeah, that's not where I'm getting my confidence, but... Steven, you're looking at dicks in the airport, too. That's crazy. No, I wasn't looking at dicks. I did see this tweet. What was going on? It's just 6 in the morning. It's 6 in the morning.

I saw the time was certain. I mean, I didn't really fight. I had to go pee. So your argument was if somebody's taller? Yeah, well, because I noticed the same thing yesterday. Newark, yes. So if you go to the bathroom journals, the dividers, I think they're pretty low. So if I look to the left and right, you can kind of see a lot of stuff.

So I was like, wow, if I was any taller, like the size of a basketball forward or center, you're just seeing dicks all the time. But you're not because you're not looking. Right. Why would you look? Right. I could probably. I'm probably tall enough. the time but you're not because you're not looking right why would you look right like i could probably i'm probably trying to look at like people's dicks but that hasn't occurred to the accepted ideal when you go into a bathroom stare ahead yes like if you wanted to look at a dick

tomorrow at the urinal you could if you want to see dicks you can see dicks right no problem and then everyone be like why are you looking at my maybe it's just the thing at newark airport because i haven't really had that problem before you like c-tricks at newark airport the story you dm'd us was great that was a real story yeah seeing seeing a bunch of crazy white dudes doing coke but he was in a stall and just had his head over it which that's crazy something that i guess yeah that must happen to 611 guys yeah bachelor party in boston my friends and i younger and stupid at the time decided to get like six dudes in a stall for some Coke.

All of a sudden we hear, damn you white boys is crazy. Is Robert Williams just standing normal in the next stall pissing? What the hell? Robin Williams. I was like, what?

He saw it above from heaven. Yeah. Sees all of our cocks. Now that story sounds faker than a Jake Marsh drive. I don't know. Six dudes in a stall for Coke makes no sense. No one believes that.

Yeah. You want to do a high noon ad? Of course I do. I'm going to suck down some high noons tonight. I might get tipsy for the show. Not tipsy. Not too. Come on.

Not tipsy, but I'm going to be sharp, but I'm going to feel good. And that's what high noons do for me, brother. If you're a tequila lover, if you're never satisfied with the malt hard seltzer offering, you're going to love that new high noon tequila seltzer. It's a premium hard seltzer, real tequila, real juice, clean finish because it's real Blanco tequila, only 100 calories, gluten-free. They have a bunch of flavors, strawberry, grapefruit, passion fruit. But, Steven, you know that I love the lime.

You know I'm damn near obsessed with the lime. You know I have to have the lime. And if you have to have some high noon seltzer, if you're at the pool, if you're at the lake, if you're at the beach, if you're playing golf, if you're tailgating, you can look for them on Drizzly or go to your local convenience or liquor store or visit highnoonsbeers.com

to find some sweet, sweet high noons near you. I'm a strawberry tequila guy. Really? Of the high noons? you. I'm a strawberry tequila guy. Really? Of the high noons? I really like that. The strawberry? I actually like the regular high noons, but I like the tequila one more. Yeah.

Yes, it grew on me quickly. Yes. Very good. Kirk, are you worried that Rico's going after Gaz on Twitter? That actually might be the sign, though, that Rico's in the best mental state possible. Yeah, I think Rico's in a decent spot. It can change in two seconds. I feel like he's been good the last two months.

He's been good for him. He's been good. The volcano doesn't erupt every day anymore. It's way better than you. Way, way better. No, no, no, no. Rico, the crazy's still there. Well, it doesn't go away.

I can't disagree. It's absolutely there, and it's simmering. At some point, it could erupt tonight all over Chicago. As long as we get through tonight. I don't, you know, God bless him. I hope he does okay. But we have to get through tonight. I'm very excited for tonight because we got.

And we haven't even mentioned David's team, which is very good. I don't love that stuff. What? I don't love that tweet that was just up there. Like, look how much fun. Like, I want some focus. I will say that Quiggs, in a private moment, is very loyal to you, Kirk. Because yesterday when I was trying to figure out if my flight was going to be delayed,

if I should switch my flight, I asked Quiggs, who's a NASA scientist, can you look at a radar and let me know? He said no. He said no, absolutely not. I'm not going to help you get out. I think that's a reasonable thing for me to do. Yeah. I was like, I was shocked.

Look at the telescopes and let us know. There were no issues with that for any of you guys? Everything was fine? you get out. I think that's a reasonable thing for me to do. Yeah. I was like, I was shocked. Look at the telescopes and let us know. Yeah. There were no issues with that for any of you guys? Everything was fine? My flight last night that I had would have been delayed

like two hours so I switched it to this morning. Yeah. Okay. It was crazy though. It was. You came from Boston?

Yeah. Was it shitty there? No, not bad because Philly's got it today. Yeah, Philly has the same air I think. D.C. does too. It's coming through

like the mist. Yeah. It was, you could feel a little bit but not bad. They like postponed or canceled the Nationals think. It's coming through like the mist. Yeah, it was, you could feel a little bit but not bad. They like postponed or canceled the Nationals game. Nationals game got canceled today.

The Phillies game got canceled yesterday. I did see someone on Twitter who was very funny being like, California has this every year and now it's a big deal and getting upset,

quote tweeting an article from the New York Times. It's like, yes, the New York Times will report about the bad air in New York City. Dude, on the front page of my Reddit today was like a child-free Reddit post of someone being like, that air yesterday is why I'm never bringing children into this world.

Can you imagine bestowing the guilt of this onto your future? It's like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. They're like, how am I going to tell the three-year-old I babysit what's going on? Just don't fucking tell them. Yeah. My son was just like, yeah, it's smoky out. Yeah.

This happens. Sounds, yeah. Who gives a fuck? They got to wear a mask again. Yeah, people already had the masks. Billy made it very clear online that he was wearing the mask for the forest fires. No, I saw so many libs out. He was very upset.

Patrol in the streets of New York. The libs are back. Anyone would confuse that for he got well ahead of it. Just so we're clear. Big T dropped that tweet too. New Yorkers couldn't wait to get back in masks. Alright, so what else we got?

I mean, I'm just the ant for tonight. Jerry, so what was the got? I mean, I'm just the ant for tonight. Jerry, so what was the conclusion? You have no furniture. Well, now there's a problem because I put it on credit cards, and we're not through with underwriting. Yeah. So there's some pushback now. Well, I offered you a loan.

I don't need a loan. I need cash. I offered him a 20K loan, three points a week. It seems like Jerry's mom taught him certain things like pants stuff. Hang yourself with some pants. Maybe not other things that might be more practical. No, I mean, this is important stuff.

No, I mean, dude, this process is miserable. It really is not fun. I don't recommend it to anybody. Do you have any help with it? Is anybody on your side? Do you have your mom? Do you need me to get someone to help? My realtor's really good. He's a really, really good guy. He actually said that I'm probably the least knowledgeable person he's ever dealt with.

To rare honest real estate agent. But we banged out 41 houses in two days. He's legit. Did you really? Yes. He looked at 41 houses in what? In two days. That must have been exhausting.

I did 12 and I was exhausted. Yeah, 41 we did. The same neighborhood? All over. Jesus. The suburbs. 41? You went inside of them all?

I mean, I think this guy's... It's like the most remarkable... Yeah, it's like a record. ...accomplishment in history. What were they broken up in the two days? Arlington Heights. 39 and 2. No, no, no.

What were the numbers? 39 and 2. Yeah. What do you mean? Day one, how many hours? I think it was like a 20 average on each. Oh, what were the numbers? 39 and 2. Yeah. What do you mean? Like, what? Day one, how many hours? I think it was, like, a 20 average on each. Oh, it was 21 and 20. I think the second day was a little bit less.

Okay. Exactly right. But there's, like, we had 50, but, like, nine of them just cut off. Like, the homeowners were like, oh, we're not home, sorry. What was the average time spent in the house? 10 minutes, 15 minutes. Okay. Tops.

Man, I did my 12th one, and I was like, we're going to have to pick one of these. I can't. But I'm going to wear of these. I can't see another house. Yeah, if you're ever even looking at apartments. They all look the same. It's a trick. Yeah, they show you some shitty ones, and then they give you the nice one. And you sat on a dentist's office. I did.

I did. What was the last one you saw? Where you're like, finally. Second to last. Will you keep the dentist's office intact? Parts of it? No, I want to kind of turn it into... Actually, Malasek is thinking about living with me.

Oh! So it's separated from the other side of the house. Okay. And your family? So you're going to have tenants. You have a family. He'll pay... What?

You have a family. Yeah. You're going to have Malasek living with you. Well, it's not like what you think. It's separated. It's a duplex. No, it's not a duplex. Well, it's...

There's an office. There's an office, dude. So what's the rent situation going to be, or is it going to be childcare? No, rent and garbage. That's it. Rent and garbage? That's what I told him, yeah. I'm not even banging him.

I told him $1,000. Not childcare? No. Throw in a night once a month? Nah, I ain't going to do that to him. He doesn't even have to look after your son. He just has to be in the house. I know.

Date night. I know, but no. That's actually Malasek's ideal threesome. Him in a corner. Yeah, that's true. Watching two people bang. That's true. Would you let him watch you bang?

I wouldn't let him watch. Maybe, yeah. On video, maybe. You know what I mean? He watches it via test tape. He's just quiet the whole time. Like, no snacks, no movements, just sitting in the corner. He's like a lamp. I can get solid

any moment. So I can last in front of a crowd. Yeah, I think I'd be able to. I was wondering about that fragrance video. Were you hard when that video started? A rock solid. But when the video started or once you smelled it and then you got hard? The reason the video's crazy

is because my cousin, he gets a prescription for Viagra. So I was like, fuck it. I was like, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get hard during this process. Let me pop a Viagra. So I popped a Viagra like an hour before the video. And then I just kept the erection. For an hour?

Dude, I mean Viagra. So you took PEDs for the video? Yeah, I did. Did you use it later? No, I didn't. You used it for the video. I, I did. Did you use it later? No, I didn't. You used it for the video. I don't think I did, actually. You didn't?

You just had a boner for a day for a video. I'm pretty sure, yeah. You made the video better. It's like Jake Marsh faking a drive. That's true. That's the video. That's the video. That's the craft.

Yeah. Yeah. Big Viagra guy. And it's your cousin that has the Viagra prescription. Yes, he does. Yeah, 100 milligrams. Is this the cousin that steals from Walmart? Bubble gum worker, yeah.

What does he do? He's weird, dude. He's like 52. He lives at home with his mom. But he goes into Walmart and he hits the sheetrock. Could have been you. So what he does is he does this. He buys restaurants.

He builds them up. And then he can never find anybody to work for him, so he just sells them. And it's been a process for like three years, four years just doing this. So he buys a restaurant, can't find anyone to run the restaurant. Exactly. Sells it. Sells it immediately. He does make a go of trying to get somebody to work for him.

Does he lose money every time he sells it, or does he make it? No, he makes money on the buildings. Oh, he does? Yeah, building them. He makes money. And what does his mom do? He still lives with his mom, my aunt. Yeah, she's a great cook. Oh, well, I can No, he makes money on the building. Yeah, building them. He makes money. How does mom? She still lives with her mom. My aunt, yeah. She's a great cook. Oh, well, I can see why you'd say that. Yeah.

I guess. This is the Viagra guy. This is my Viagra cousin here. Jerry's got one of my favorite Jerry stories is his grandmother, his mom's mom passed away and left him a cookbook and he won't show his mom.

Nope. Well, it wasn't left to your mom. It was left to me. Correct. And she'll ask all the time. That's your mom's mom? That's my mom's mom. That's a power move.

Yeah. So she'll ask, like, can I just see the cookbook? Did they get along or no? Oh, they loved each other. Yeah. That's an interesting psychological move, though. I just, I don't know why. It would be beneficial to me because my mom always cooks.

Right. And I always, like, hit her with, like. Do you spend a lot of to me because my mom always cooks. Right. And I always hit her with like – Do you spend a lot of time looking at this book? No. No. No. She'll cook like lasagna. Mom, it's frigging delicious.

But it could have been better. It could have been like that. You missed one piece. It feels like you ought to let her see the book. No. I don't think so. It's not hers. No.

Did your grandma know that you were going to keep it to yourself? Did she know that she was – I don't think so. It's not hers. No. Did your grandma know that you were going to keep it to yourself? Like, did she know that she was? I don't think so. Do you think? Yeah, well, she just knew I always loved to cook when I was, like, younger. Oh, that's nice. She would teach me. And this is the grandmother whose ashes are.

Yeah, they're done. Everywhere. In a vacuum cleaner. Do you find the older you get, maybe it's because my parents are dead, but when people's grandparents die and they act really sad as adults, it feels... Grandparents, yeah. A little Stolen Valor-ish to me. A little bit.

Like a little bit? Like it's like they're like 92 years old. Yeah, but they've been with you your entire life. But it's good that they're dead at that age. But if somebody's 94 and they die, it's a life well lived. So when somebody... Yeah. I think it's sad when grandparents die if you're young, under 10. It's a life well lived. So when somebody... Yeah. I think it's sad when grandparents die.

I agree. If you're young, under 10. It's always sad. I think in the immediacy you'd be sad, right? When they die, you're not going to be sad about it three years from now because they were 95. You can't be sad publicly, you're saying. Just keep that shit to yourself. When Arnold Palmer died... No, not the same.

Why? Because he's not related to you. No, but I'm saying people. Even like the... We're all like... Okay. Yeah, no, there's... They were like, I can't believe this is over. The guy was 94 years old.

Like Jimmy Carter. Anything past 85, 90. He was supposed to die like two months ago? Yeah, I thought he was. He didn't go ahead and die? He was still going. He was this close, right? He's shrinking.

It'll just be fine when he does because it's like, oh, he's been doing so much extra shit. His obits are already written everything i would say brandon yeah i think there's a lot left in the obituary for him i don't think he's running again in 2024 yeah like the queen dying she was fucking like a million years old right and there are people like i can't believe it's like you can definitely believe it yeah she she probably should have died 10 years ago i wonder about jimmy carter too i've been wondering that recently as i get older. What age do you start to shrink?

And your ears get bigger. Remember John Wooden? John Wooden's ear looked like Dumbo at the end. I'm 50 next year. Does it start in your 50s? I think it's later, like 70s or late 60s. Because I've seen pictures of Jack Nicklaus when he's much taller than his wife, Barbara. And now he's shorter than she is. That's got to be so weird.

That's crazy. Yeah, John Wooden has the biggest ears of all time. All time. And they grew just exponentially at the end. Have you guys seen the picture of Biden? I grew up with big ears. Have you seen the picture of Biden with the Carters? With Jimmy Carter?

It's incredible. They look so tiny. It looks like he's four times his size. He should bring them everywhere with him. Because he looks so vital. He makes him look young and tall. Like Tom Cruise. When you know isn't when he in movies he has like a rider that can't be people can't be that much taller everyone's tiner than him everyone in the scene is did you guys see that video of a guy who a british stew finder that i posted yesterday that was

can you pull it up tj just play the first 20 seconds it was maybe the most shocking reveal i've seen of a man standing up um but yeah is this the horny guy yeah the horny guy i was i thought it was i thought it was i yeah it was british stew i actually thought it was him yeah he and then i did have a couple people weirdly today be like what's the problem with taking pictures of females asses in public it's like what it's not like going up skirt. It's like, ah. I'm going to beat off this lady. Yeah.

Jerk off lady. I swear to God, I thought it was him. And it would fit. The crime would fit. This is like an old video. I remember this. On the table. When they go up to him, I gasped. He just took a picture of your bum.

He took a picture of your bum? He just took a picture of your bum. He just took a photo of my ass bum. That's so much like him. I've got it. This guy here, he's got it in him. This guy went straight for the snack. Yeah, that was an aggressive first move.

Ready? Here we go. He's up. That's it. That's all of it. That's everything. I was shocked. That's all he's got.

You're not my father or my boss. You're not God. What's a British bagel? Holy shit. She's way taller than I am. He's shockingly short. Easy, Dan. Oh, sorry, Jerry.

You're not that short, Jerry. Nah. I muted Stu on Twitter. You did? Why? I just needed a break. I'll come back. Was it when he did the crying video?

It's just a lot of the pool stuff and the weight stuff. Yeah, I thought his dad was dead. Yeah, everyone texted me. It was like, oh my god, his dad died. It's like, no. I love Stu, but he's on a mute right now. You guys think that Jeff Lowe is nervous today? Yes.

Does he have a right to be? Because he's not playing. No matter what, he succeeds today. I bit fuck off the last time we played live. And I mentioned this to Kirk when we were texting this morning. Jeff had a tweet last night. He was like, I don't love the questions yet, which I didn't fuck up the last time we played live, remember? And I mentioned this to Kirk when we were texting this morning. Jeff had a tweet last night. He was like, I don't love the questions yet, which I don't really understand.

Just get new questions or just ask the questions you don't love. You know. You seem like you know why he would say that. He said, yeah. Do you hear that? That was Alan. What? I thought the same thing, Steve.

No. What's going on? The guy has a trivia show that is going to go live in a venue of about 3,000 people. And it's going to be live. And we've had some problems doing things live from there before. Like, this is a big event for him. I think it's understood why he'd be nervous. But when I brought up the questions.

And you said you had resigned yet. Yeah, I said he doesn't love the questions yet. And you're like, yeah. Oh, no. I've seen them. I haven't seen them. Have you seen any of the questions? Round three in the opening round is going to be incredible.

Is that actually going? Yeah. Round three is going to be good. I wouldn't put it past you to know the questions. I don't know the questions for my game. You know our questions? No, I don't know the fucking questions. See, y'all get all up in your head about this.

Y'all think I'm powerful behind the scenes. I don't think this is an us problem. I think it's a you problem. No, it's a you problem. Alan showing up and watching random. True or false, you've written questions for the show before. Oh, very true. I've written questions.

The first year, this day, when we got to the championship he had an emergency meeting me and three other guys ran upstairs and wrote out some changed some questions around for the for the final hmm interesting and you're a competitor yeah hmm i will say i still find it interesting that i've never been asked once to be a phone a friend on trivia because they don't ask your categories unless you're playing i've've won the MVP every season in the league. Golf is never an issue.

There have been times I've thought about calling you, but I've told you out of respect, we've played our games. Most of the

Yak games are played at like 9.30 p.m. Oh, yeah, I'm in bed. I don't want to call you at 9.30. No, no.

And this time change, it's one hour. It still fucks me up. What do you think you should be called for? Movies?

For sure. I think I got it wrong. What do you think you should be called for? Movies? For sure. I think I got that wrong. But golf is never owned. I'm as good as anybody in the league in baseball pre a certain date. I don't think so. True. Well, for sure. Better than Clemmer.

For sure. Clemmer's better than you at baseball. I don't think so. I don't think so. And if, you know, yeah. If Clemmer's making $60,000, Jeff Nadeau should make $6 million. $60,000. Nadeau's criminally underpaid.

Also, he rarely asks questions, baseball questions, before like 2000. Until tonight. Ooh. Ooh. Well, I saw it pretty good. So Nadeau, was Nadeau's mistake Because he was negotiating A human being can negotiate a contract I don't think he was negotiating

I think he heard one thing and bailed Okay so if it was If it was saying to Dave Pay me 200 grand Which of course is insane But if Dave came back It never got to the point Where Dave said 120 or something

Now I understand we're talking about Jeff Nadeau But the whole thing's nuts But he wasn't negotiating Okay I don't know that It was a two year contract With the second year was a barstool option. Oh, so he's like. So it's not when you sign that, it's not like you get to negotiate. It's barstool that picks it up.

You can always ask. Of course. Right. But is that worth it? Should you get fired for asking that question? He didn't get fired. No, Dave said, here's your raise. So he just walked away.

Yeah, he's like, here's your raise. Either take it or leave it. Right. And he was'm leaving i got you he'll be back oh he'll be oh dave's saying no right dave said no right but he got a rate there was a raise there was a raise that's not bad in regular america is an incredible race i think dave knew he fucked up when he said the initial number two because then in the the rundown he backtracked. It's like maybe it was 70, maybe it was 60. Maybe we weren't paying him. Pro bono.

Is that the base salary thing for those guys from that item? Might be. Are you trying to find out Clemmer's salary right now? Oh, I guess. Yeah, I suppose. I actually don't know. I don't know what the base salary is for. What do you think?

I think it's different. I mean, it varies. I can tell you what I started salary is for. What do you think? I think it's different. I mean, it varies. Yeah, I think it varies. I can tell you what I started at. Where'd you start at? Should I say it? You want to tell them what you're making now? No.

No start. Oh, no. Well, we can tell you that. I started at 100. You started at 100? Okay. You had a following. You had a little following, yeah.

Yeah. Suicide video. I think that's the average start, though. Okay. I think so in New York City. I think New York. Which people see that, and I understand people are like, that's insane. But in New York City, that is not.

I think there's some above it, and there's some below it as well. I don't know. You say there's 60. I would say behind the scenes is less. Yeah, behind the scenes is less money. And I think some people at an entry level, if you don't have a following, I think if you do have a following, you could leverage that into maybe even more than what Jerry was making.

Yeah. But people see a hundred thousand i think in there and they're shocked but new york city it's not i mean it's obviously still a good salary but it definitely doesn't go as long no way anywhere else i get pay cut to come here like 80 grand really yeah and your and your pension come here and my pension so did i by the way i took a pay cut as well yeah it's It's true. You did? Yes. From radio.com? From EI. Yeah, yeah.

But my last contract at EI, I was making $1,400 a year. But you weren't doing that, though, were you? No, but they were still paying me. I sold the same existing contract. They were paying me not to work. $1,400? Yeah. Yeah, that would be $1,400.

Wow. What would $1,400 be? What else could it be? A billion. $140,000? Oh, no. $140,000? But what's the point? Would 1.4 be 1.40K? Oh, no. 1.40K? But what's the point?

Where's the point in a 1.40K? That's a good question. I can't stop looking at the R over Kirk's shoulder. Not on you, but it looks like the corner of a swastika up here. Wait, where? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe change that.

Yeah, yeah, there we go there we go maybe go down a little further go down a little further right yeah there that was good yeah yeah uh by the way Omaha Steaks is sponsoring all week Omaha Steaks here's the truth dads want steaks when you give dad perfectly aged and oh so tender steaks you you're not just giving him the best meal of his life but the chance to grill them up and share the moment with you for a limited time when you go to omahasteaks.com enter the code yak into the search bar you'll be able to order dad's favorite gift package for just 99.99 plus you'll get eight free omaha steak burgers with your order These burgers taste like a steak on a bun

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day coming up it's a week and a half away go to omaha steaks right now use code yak we're probably going to only do an hour show today so the people are going to be pissed at us about 10 minutes left um but tomorrow people will be cooking omaha steaks in studio yes that's true who's going to be here tomorrow by the way i should be here be here. All right. Brendan and Che. Unless something goes wrong tonight and I have to take my ball and go home. I might. Who knows? No. Who knows?

No, no, no. I mean, who knows? What tournament did you do that? Or, like, you were about to do that? Was it in Phoenix? No, I wasn't leaving Arizona, but I was already sitting up in the upper deck. Yeah. No, you guys were about to leave.

You were about to go and get dinner or something. No, I was sitting with my wife. No, she wanted to leave. You were about to go and get dinner or something. No, I was sitting with my wife. No, she wanted to leave. That was the cheating thing. Yeah. No, but the championship game last year, two years ago, he went out and sat on the catwalk outside the office. Yeah, where Ron Smumps is waiting.

Yes, yes. You were about to. I was thinking about jumping. You had your pants around your waist. Are you worried about ZD? They're very good. I'm worried about Dave's affection for ZD, yes. I mean, Jeff's affection for ZD. Oh. Yeah, I'm worried about ZD? They're very good. I'm worried about Dave's affection for ZD, yes. I mean, Jeff's affection for ZD.

Oh. Yeah, I'm worried about that. I have ZD in that game. I have ZD winning. Really? They've never beaten us. Ever. That's not good.

I'm picking ZD, us, and then us, I think. That's what I'm going with. That's just my prediction. Could be wrong. Could be wrong. And you guys would, uh, you said that you lost to them or no,

Boston, Boston, you lost to them in Boston. Okay. So you'd be avenging. You'd be exercising demons. Yes. I know that you want to like win this so badly,

but if it goes, you versus Brandon, the pressure just ramps up to a different level of us. I think. Yeah. Yeah. I would take like, if you said to me, win this championship, and you could never solve a murder again, I would win this championship.

I'd take the murder I solved back. All the respect. Unsolve the murder. Yeah. You would unsolve the mystery. I would frame somebody else to win this title. What if I said you win this title, but you have, like, a thyroid issue, and you gain 40 pounds?

I'm not particularly vain. I not one but you can't i am not my appearance ah you're the most me guy in the world but appearance wise you've created an entire world to prop you up but appearance my appearance doesn't matter i'm like a weird looking old guy i'm not That doesn't bother me. Then you wouldn't be able to run? Yeah, I mean, I enjoy running. Yeah. If you're here tonight, who's doing the Minahan watch party? Jake Marshall. That's up to Clouds. Oh, what'd he say?

Did you see that? I hope Barstool Yak destroys Team Kirk Minahan tonight. You've made a very, very nice enemy. Yes. Who will never say anything over the line uh i don't know yeah i mean it's sort of a i know they're having a bunch of little mini ones i'm seeing a little like they're people getting together houses to watch it so that was awesome that scene was incredible brandon was mocking it it was like 50 well yeah because he want he wants to put 500 people there but i thought

a smaller one would be funnier and more intimate as As I've said, one of us has sold out a show in Mississippi here. Oh. You ran a hotel ballroom of 30 people. Okay, and then you want to come to Plymouth this summer? There'll be 2,500 people there. I'm sure you can. Have you ever sold out a show in Mississippi? Yes, multiple.

What? Where? When? You couldn't fill a fucking wrestling room. In 1997, when West Point played Starkville in basketball. That was a good show. It was incredible. That was a good show.

That was a good show. Well, they beat us. They beat us. I think KB was saying this. If we lost a really bad game and I looked dumb, we would have done a live show because it would have been funny. I would have done it. You have to eat shit. You have to.

Yeah, it would have actually been even... Yeah, everyone just sitting there been even, yeah, like everyone just sitting there like what the hell happened? Why did we come here? Yeah. Who gets booed tonight when they come out?

Brandon does and I do. I don't know if Kirk gets booed. He gets booed. I think Rico might. What if it's you two in the final? By that point,

it's just that we've already been introduced once, so the boos will have died down. Brandon's so obnoxious, though. It's like a wrestling. I think in the finals he would get booed. Yeah, mine's organic.

Although he's cracked before. He told me he wanted to turn babyface. I've tried multiple times. You're not capable of babyface. I don't know how to do it. We were in Northern Illinois for a college football show, and he was complimenting Northern Illinois and picked Northern Illinois, and everyone just booed him anyway. Yeah.

And he's like, I got to do something. Yeah. Who's a lifetime heel? Ravishing Rick Rude. Yeah. Hopefully he ends the same way. Yeah. Hopefully tonight.

Yeah. Well, I think by this time of life, he was already gone. How old are you? I'm 44. Yeah. I think he was pretty much checking out. He was in his late 30s, right? 30s, yeah.

He died in like 2002. What happened? Why aren't wrestlers dying in motels every two weeks in his late 30s, right? 30s, yeah. He died in like 2002. What happened? Why aren't wrestlers dying in motels every two weeks? They don't do drugs. They do video games now. Yeah, yeah. It was cocaine and steroids. Steroids and psalms.

Yeah. Now he's playing video games. Yeah, I guess steroids, fun way to go, though. I started watching that Arnold Schwarzenegger doc. That one. Did you see the clip of him being like, yeah, I had a groping problem? He's just like, yeah, that was what it was in the 90s. I don't know if you can find it, TJ.

It's a wild clip. He's like, I'd wake up. I'd go to the gym. On the way to the gym, I'd grope a couple girls. Then I'd go to the gym. Then I'd go home. I'd invite a couple girls over, grope. And then I'd grope again the next day.

Just on the drive in? He'd find girls to grope? No, on the beach. He'd just grope. This is Jake Marsh you're saying? He said he goosed a couple girls. Goosing's a big step up, isn't it? Yeah.

Was there complaints against him? There were midnights. I remember there's an old movie magazine called Premiere. And they wrote a story years ago. It's basically wiped out from the internet where he was doing something. Somebody walked in. He looked up to the person. The person he was doing something to. Somebody looked up to the person, the person he was doing something to,

somebody looked up to the person who walked in the room and said, eating is not cheating. That's a great line. I guess it's not. Yeah. Well, I mean, if it's eating. If it's, feel like it is. If everyone's on board.

Right. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't cheat. I just ate her pussy. Oh, yeah. Here. Wait. Can you play it?

I didn't also realize that his dad was a Nazi. Yes. I did not realize that. Like an actual Nazi. Where is it? Is he getting canceled for this? No, I don't think so. Because he's kind of submitting himself.

And he also just got hired as the head of Netflix Action or some shit like that. Or maybe it's just an ad campaign. I saw that commercial with Hemsworth. Is that what you're talking about? I think so. But he's getting jobs, though, is my point. Yeah, he's in a Netflix show, Foo Bar. I think the Hard Factor guys had a clip of it, TJ, if you could find it.

It was wild. Can you get canceled for that now? Groping? I would say so, yes. I think so Hard Factor guys had a clip of it, TJ, if you could find it. It was wild. Can you get canceled for that now? Groping? I would say so, yes. I think so, yeah. I would recommend it. I'd say you don't want to grope. No, I'm talking about for old gropes.

For old gropes. Oh. What year? 90s gropes. 90s gropes. Yeah. 2000s gropes. I think you can.

I think they could get any grope. I think if they really want to burn you down. That's crazy. I think past 2010 g I think they could get any grope. Like, I think if they really want to. That's crazy. I think past 2010 gropes, probably. That's crazy. Do you think that there's a statute of limitations on your gropes? When do gropes become not okay? It also depends on who you are.

Yeah. I think it's like 70. The level of the grope as well. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's someone who's. Oh, yeah, here it is.

80s and 90s, everyone groped. Everyone. It's how we said hello. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I think it's someone who's... Oh, yeah, here it is. 80s and 90s, everyone groped. Everyone groped. It's how we said hello. Jesus Christ. In the morning, I would go for a pump, then a light grope, then lunch. Is he reading this? Then I'd head to Gold's in Venice, goose,

a couple hotties on the way. Afternoon pump. Then I'd retire to my apartment. This isn't real, right? Then I'd call some ladies over and grope them. That sounds like an AI. You can say AI? I think you can say AI. Shit! There's no way this an AI. You think it's AI? I think it's AI.

Shit! There's no way this is real. I think you got AI. I got got by Hard Factor. Shout out to Beef. Yeah. Admit it to that, huh? That would suck if I got got.

I think you got AI'd. Damn! I think they were doing it like a pump. I would get a pump. They got me, yeah. Oh, yeah, then it probably is the pump. Yeah. Fuck!

I wake up. Shout out to Hard Factor and the the beef they fucking got me good because i just started watching it last night and i was like i can't wait to get to the grope part didn't get there no i only got through the first episode the dad is a nazi dad is not yeah that's true you get fooled on that and he was like a he he tried to be a nazi before nazis like he tried to be a nazi in like 1924 he tried he was a pioneer yeah he was He tried to be a Nazi in 1924 he tried to sign. He was a pioneer Nazi. He was trying to get in the club. Nazi before it was cool. Well before.

I mean these guys right here. I was about to victim shame the non-existent people that he groped. Damn! That's a hell of an AI by Hard Factor. Shout out to Hard Factor. Go listen to them. Subscribe to Beef. Got me good. That was. And you're right it is

the pump yeah i'm coming every time i'm coming i'm coming i'm coming in the morning in this situation oh yeah no i got got very badly i'll own it hey listen i've had a long-standing i've explained it if you uh are online as much as we are you're not doing your job unless you get god at least like once a. Because that means you're just not working hard enough. You've got to consume it all. Right, exactly. If you are working at this job, you have to get got

multiple times a year. Because you're just consuming everything. And you'll wind up with some trash. And the filter's off. Yeah. I got better over the last year. You usually use me as the filter. You ask me, like, hey, is this real? Usually it's not.

What was an example of one? Recently. Or that you sent to Big Cat. I can try to find it. Oh, it was the... Oh, my God. Jesus. It had something to do with the draft, I think.

I don't know if you'll be able to find it. Steeler's draft? No. But it was, like, totally false. Like, totally false. Oh, yeah. Remember, you got caught with Dion and the comedian. What comedian?

The comedian who pretended he was signing with Colorado. Dude, it looks real, though. And you're like, this is a hell of a signing. TJ, can you find that? Jerry was just all in was it. Who pretended he was signing with Colorado. Dude, it looks real, though. And you're like, this is a hell of a signing. TJ, can you find that? Jerry was just all in on it. It did not look real at all. It looked super real. It didn't look real at all.

I think it was Desi Banks. Yeah. I thought it looked legit. I don't even think I saw it. I literally texted him. I was like, yo, Colorado's getting dogs, bro. Like, this kid's a dog right here. It was such a clear.

Dude, you know what actually hurt my soul a little bit is the kid that we were making fun of yesterday. Did you see he tweeted that? He's a yak guy. And he said he's doing it as a parody. He is? That's what he claims. Then respect to him.

Yeah. Such a good parody that he's duping us. We're eating the trash out of his palms. Yeah, you got caught by the guy who's running through the tunnels. Your realtor's here? Oh, yeah, yeah. That kid. What?

That's your realtor? No, he's working in the area. Jared's realtor's here. Oh, this realtor's going to get so many freebies. He's going to be sitting front and center tonight. He's going to do a meet and greet with me and Dave. We're going to have to sign some shit. You don't got to sign nothing.

Yeah. If you don't want to. Yeah, right. Yeah. All right. You want to spin the wheel and we'll end the show? Yep. Hopefully it's Carbone.

We all get to go to Carbone. Oh, you never got back to me. I got you. Oh, Brandon, you want in? Yeah. What are you getting him? Oh, you never got back to me. I got you. Oh, Brandon, you want in? Yeah. What are you getting him? Oh, look at that try. Beautiful.

All right, final thoughts before everyone sees us tonight. So 7 p.m. is the start. It's a sold-out show. We'll be on YouTube. Is it 7 Central? Yeah. 7 Central is the start. 7 Central is the start, 8 Eastern.

Everyone should watch. It's live. Any final words? Today has been a long time coming. It's going to be a big moment. Hey, whoever wins, I'm happy for them except Brandon. Why? I think that's fair.

I think that's fair. Kirk's made this his whole focus. It's your entire life. No, it's not. It's your show. Also, I have likable people on my team. I got Fran and PFT. Won't you be happy for them?

I said I will. Everybody except for you. Jerry, is that your realtor? No. Oh, Jerry. Yes. Well, is he just... Okay.

All right. Can we ask you a couple quick questions? Yeah, I'm here. How are you? So Jerry said that you told him he was by far the least knowledgeable person you've ever met in terms of real estate. I put it up there. Okay. I put it up there. We got some crazy stories.

How many houses did you see in two days? 41. Mathematically, how was that possible? So essentially, he wanted to see a lot of properties. Talk closer to the mic. He wanted to see a lot of properties, so we threw some in there there that he liked and then we kind of just spitballed the rest we looked at some prices that uh some interesting houses we looked at some farms one where they had a farm in the back okay never did i don't know if you knew that one so the 41 houses the second house we saw he almost

made an offer on it and he would have been a farmer he would have been farmer jerry so instead he went with the dentist office yeah so the dentist office we walked in and we kind of just looked at each other and we're like i think you could do some work with this it was either that or the quail eggs at the farm so she was going to leave them quail eggs we were going to negotiate that in so i don't know if you knew that story no so and when he called you and was like what do you mean there's no furniture you like he was being being serious. Yeah, he was dead serious. Yeah. Dead serious.

He started having conversations with, like, the 75-year-old owner. And it got a little wild. Got a little wild. And I had to calm him down a little bit and say, hey, they're not leaving the furniture from, like, 1985. Wait, you were fighting with him, Jerry? I wasn't arguing with him. You were talking to him one-on-one with no middle person? Through their agent.

Oh, okay. And what were you saying? Just like, bullshit. So I got a message from the other listing agent essentially saying like, hey, are we talking off the record here? And I said, yeah. And I said, essentially, I think Jerry was having a conversation with the brother-in-law or the sister-in-law or something.

He was a fan. And then got involved with the old 75-year-old dentist. Got involved. And then it kind of went from there. That's perfect. How much free shit has Jerry offered for you? Are we doing a meet and greet, signing? Nothing.

How many signatures do I have to do? Nothing. He's on the yak right now. Yeah, that's true. That is true. That's a realtor. Where are the mini helmets? Did you bring some mini helmets for us to sign?

I did not bring any mini helmets. Okay. The pennants. All right. Well, good to meet you. Thank you for getting Jerry set up. Thanks for having us. Yeah.

All right. We'll see you everyone tomorrow. Tune in. Dozen tonight live from Chicago. Going to be great. 7 p.m. Central, 8 p.m. Eastern. We'll see you then. Damn, the beef got me good. It's the act. It's the act.

Get your straws, yeah. Dial the tape. For a while, it's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Get a dime and talk shop. Do a Yankees pop. It's the act.

It's the act. He's the act.