The Yak - We Had a Catastrophe on the Oregon Trail | The Yak 11-9-22

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the, the Yak. The, the Yak. Yeah, we really didn't see the double T-H-E. The, the Yak. That was awesome. Who made that?
Starting point is 00:00:28 Connor Griffin. Connor, shout out. Wow. That was fucking funny. Is that his voice? It had to have been. It couldn't have been. No, I think it had to have been.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Okay, but have y'all heard his voice? He's got a professional voice. It's the voice I've ever heard. It's a professional voice. It's soothing. Yeah. It's the Loli Yak. Hello, everyone. Hello. Hey.othing. It's the yak. Hello, everyone.
Starting point is 00:00:48 How's everyone doing? Tired. I've been thinking about it. I think we should buy more oxen. I really do. I think we went light on the oxen. I think we got to buy more oxen. Four yolk.
Starting point is 00:01:04 I know you guys pressured me. I think we got to buy more oxen. She backed off the oxen. Four yolk. Yeah, I know. You guys pressured me. Here's the thing. I think that's a mistake. I thought about it all night. I was like, we don't need clothes. We don't need clothes. It's two oxen per yolk. That's what I don't think you're getting.
Starting point is 00:01:13 I get that, but we're going to need those oxen. Fine. You know what? No. We'll do your guys' oxen. No, stay in your ground. No, no. This is going to come to bite us in the ass.
Starting point is 00:01:23 No, when we run out of oxen, I'll be sitting there being like- We have too much food. I know. You should hunt for it. We have all this food. No tongue. We have no tongue. Not a single tongue.
Starting point is 00:01:31 You know how easy it is for a tongue to break? All right. One tongue. Are we doing this? Yeah, we're doing this. All I could think about last night was like- You were tongueless. Man, Oz, the mentalist was cool, but I really kind of wanted to play some-
Starting point is 00:01:43 Actually, he wasn't cool. He interrupted our game. Yeah, he did. He fucked up our game. We're about to fucking go to Oregon. Did y'all think all night how he did it? Oh, that's how I... The dark web.
Starting point is 00:01:56 I try to purchase how to do that. I cornered... We had trivia last night. When is that out? Tonight and tomorrow night. I cornered Roan in the green when is that out uh tonight tomorrow night night and tomorrow night i cornered roan at the in the green room and i was like fucking tell me how you know him i was like you you set that up do you guys think it involves technology oh i think he knows roan and kate oh but here's the thing i think it involves it to other people right now but i looked at that i saw that theory as well you saw the false thumb yeah but i don't think it is no
Starting point is 00:02:24 he we spun the wheel and we're like you're to do it to Steven, and then he didn't do it to Steven, because he knows Kate and Roan. Went to high school with both of them. He did it to Big T. No, no, because he said Tom Brady to Steve. That was the biggest reveal. Yes, it was. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:02:40 You're right. It was to Steve. The biggest reveal was someone that happened to be someone in this room that works at a sports media company who's a Tom Brady fan. Yeah. Holy fuck. Can we watch that video again? Boston baseball.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Yeah. Wait, did he go to high school with you? Oh, my God. No. Never mind. I watched it back. I watched it back like 15 times. He had the wallet before he picked me.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Yeah. Right, he had it before. That's what I can't wrap. That's the part that's fucking me up. A mentalist, man. He's mental. Steven. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Yeah, he did. He did. Oh. He's like, oh, it's not that cool anymore. Oh, he went to high school with you The true mentalist The true mentalist Class of 71
Starting point is 00:03:30 The true mentalist is just Continuing to fuck with Stephen Chabot Is Stephen just finding out about Never mind And then I'll be on with Tom Brady and the Bucks In the next week. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:45 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:45 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:45 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:46 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:46 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:46 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:51 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:51 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! based on what we saw the five minutes prior I had ever reasoned to. I want to see it one more time. Can we overlay that with the Roan scream? I'll do it live. I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Okay. Oh. Steven did. And then I'll be on with Tom Brady and the Bucks in the next week or two, baby. We can see how you do it. Oh, no. Me? He knows me, too.
Starting point is 00:04:37 He's a Tom Brady. Have you guys watched any of his other shit? No. No, I haven't. Is it crazy? Yeah. Fuck. He's wild. It's all, just none of it makes sense. None of his other shit? No. No, I haven't. Is it crazy? Yeah. Fuck. He's wild.
Starting point is 00:04:46 It's all, just none of it makes sense. None of it. Not one thing. He was on macrodosing for apparently like 35, 40 minutes. He went on BFFs too. He went on BFFs. Did you hear the one with Dave? Yeah, I want to see him versus Dave because that will be a, Dave doesn't like anyone who
Starting point is 00:05:03 can fuck with his mind. Apparently he got them good. Yeah. Really good. Very good. Do you think that would be the coolest... I mean, we all have awesome jobs, but if you could do that at that level
Starting point is 00:05:17 and just amaze every single person you saw... I bet it's very high pressure for him. Yeah. I feel like he bombed as a comedian. He did it with ease though. But like you bombed doing that. Well if he fucks that up. Completely fucked. Oh no wait let me restart. Like what do you do? Pick another number.
Starting point is 00:05:34 I'm just like nah I'm just fucking with you guys. I don't know how to do anything. Yeah. So I watched one of the videos he got put out on Monday Night Countdown that he put on his Instagram and he like does make a mistake and then it's like Lamar Jackson like reading what someone else thought the
Starting point is 00:05:49 Super Bowl matchup would be and then he does a similar thing and like reveals like in a closed thing like what it was and Lamar Jackson's reading what his teammate thought and then they're like oh who do you think? Can we just watch it? Yeah
Starting point is 00:06:03 I don't want to I got very think? Can we just watch it? I don't want to I got very lost there Can we just watch it? It is crazy too that my brain was just like going I need Shay having a podcast describing magic
Starting point is 00:06:19 That would be the worst podcast in the world. Once it got to the teammate I was just like I don't know what's going on anymore. It's crazy, too, because Ronan Kate went to high school with Lamar Jackson. Yeah, right. It's a fact. He's actually starting to pick up on a trend. Maybe he's actually his uncle.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Yeah, that's right. Lamar Jackson's uncle. He's black. You thought we were talking about a baby when KB said he had a black nephew. It's Lamar Jackson. Yeah, 24. How about this? Pick any two guys on this squad right now to help you out.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Any two guys. Take a moment. Change your mind as many times as you want. So later on, you remember this moment. You could have said anything. Name a team in the NFC. Atlanta Falcons. Atlanta Falcons it is.
Starting point is 00:07:05 I could see it. Ravens Atlanta Falcons. Atlanta Falcons it is. I could see it. Ravens, Falcons. Super Bowl 57. Tell me, what's the final score of that game? 35-14. 35-14. It's a blowout. I want you to think in your head of a musician.
Starting point is 00:07:19 Could be a singer, a band, a rapper, whatever you want. Who just popped in your head? Kodak. Kodak? Okay. Rip that envelope open with abandon. Lamar Jackson, show them the official results. Hold it up.
Starting point is 00:07:35 Stapled it everywhere? Rip it open. Drum roll. Moment of truth, Ravens. Inside. Open that bad boy up. Read for us what I printed earlier today. Super Bowl 57 is a much-anticipated showdown
Starting point is 00:07:52 between the Atlanta Falcons and the Baltimore Ravens. Everyone loves a high-scoring game, exciting fourth quarter, and an amazing halftime show. This year's... Damn! We'll feature Justin Bieber. Hold up, what?
Starting point is 00:08:04 We'll feature Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber, what? We'll feature Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber, Benjamin. I know who you're really thinking about. All right, all right, all right. And the final score of 35-14 was the Ravens as the world champions. Only one bit of bad news to report. Mr. Bieber had to cancel last minute
Starting point is 00:08:20 and leave the NFL to scramble. They decided to replace him with Kodak. What? Hang on now. Everybody wilding out. I like everybody wilding out. He didn't say Kodak Black, he said Kodak, which is exactly what that guy said,
Starting point is 00:08:39 which means it happened in the moment. Right. So how does it happen in the moment? I'm saying it's very advanced. That was nothing when you described, by the way. Sorry. So the card is printing itself as they're talking. That can't happen. How?
Starting point is 00:08:52 That's not possible. You said that the thing was steep. Do you guys nanobots? I don't know. I know, Britton. That was a fair question. I was like, how? He said Kodak.
Starting point is 00:09:02 He didn't say Kodak Black. Why would that guy have said Kodak instead of Kodak Black? Exactly, because it happened in the moment. Huh. It didn't touch at all. He never even had the paper in his hand. Right. I just don't think we need clothes.
Starting point is 00:09:18 I think we need more food than clothes. No, dude. I think that ammunition is going to... Ammunition is food. And you're leaving out the fact that hunting is going to Ammunition is food And you're leaving out the fact that Hunting is the funnest part of the game Hunting is the best part So we don't need as much food
Starting point is 00:09:32 And food goes bad as long as we're hunting and killing I would load up on ammunition I would have bare bones of everything Just enough to get by of everything If we don't have enough food my mood is going to be shitty the whole time Minimum clothes, minimum food, minimum tongue. Who's going to hunt for us, though? TJ. He's a gamer.
Starting point is 00:09:49 It's just automatically TJ? It's the one on the sticks. Do you want to hunt? You want to go in there and hunt? I'm saying it should be democratic. I think that we should pick the best hunter. You don't vote for a hunter. You just know. You don't trash my game. I'm saying we should pick the best person. I don't think that we shouldn't have the conversation.
Starting point is 00:10:05 I don't ever want to talk about Oz. I don't ever want to talk about him again. That shit is too much for my brain. I think he's a demon. Can we pull up the Zah video one more time? It's too much for my brain. Turns out Zah was angry. Zah was just mad.
Starting point is 00:10:24 I mean, after seeing aliens in this shit, it's like, what? Fucking hell. Oh, by the way, I heard. So the Yak basketball, I think we only have like 10 minutes. Yeah. Do you want to be you want to be rough with eight minutes? Yes. All right.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Because I like we added someone else. I think we might not be able to finish in time. No way. Eight minutes? My last game was like an hour. We might have to do both. Both in halftimes? They have to do a half-court shot in the second halftime, but we might have to do the rest
Starting point is 00:10:59 That actually makes it so much better. No, they do it during the game. So Zod and TJ, that way we have refs for both sides, which is great because we know that you have to ref this game. Out of bounds and everything. There's no out of bounds. I was going to say, do you want to? There's no out of bounds.
Starting point is 00:11:19 There's refs, but there's no out of bounds. Through the crowd? Right. I think you guys should ref how you feel like reffing. You can call anything you want at any point. through the crowd. Right. I think you guys should ref how you feel like reffing. Yeah. So if you, we will, you can call anything you want at any point. We will acknowledge it.
Starting point is 00:11:30 So that's what happened last time and that led to everyone just not dribbling the entire game. Sure. Right. Okay. You could call it every once in a while.
Starting point is 00:11:37 You could never call it and then one time just be like, travel. Right. I could single out somebody. Free throws even. You could give free throws.
Starting point is 00:11:45 Yeah. That would be great. Free throws, even. You could give free throws. Yeah. That would be great, free throws. But the free throw has to be from the other free throw line. Yeah. You get fouled on. Or backwards. You can go backwards at that free throw line. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:56 Or long ways to the other. Oh, man. Yeah, that makes sense. I also don't want you to get very injured with your fingers. I was going to take them off. That's why I did the Monday, Thursday. But I'll keep them on for Friday night. Now that we're roughing, I guess.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Perfect. I hate these fucking things, by the way. Can you get one nail taken off and like a whistle acrylic nail build in? Oh, wow. Yeah. I bet you Oz has it. You could just glue a whistle to the top of the nail. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:23 Really? That would be seductive. By the way, TMI, but my butthole's in shambles. I can't figure it out. I just literally can't figure out how I – I don't know if it's too big. Your butthole? No, my butt. But I can't figure out wiping my ass without, like, scratching.
Starting point is 00:12:43 So shambles, it's very poopy. It's torn up. No, it's torn up. The skin is very sensitive down there. Oh, yeah. So it's like getting scratched every single time I take a shit. Oh, man. That's not great.
Starting point is 00:12:54 You need a bidet. Yeah. Yeah. I wish. We had some lying around. Someone get a bidet. Someone get this man a bidet. Brandon, let him go over to your house. I know you got a bidet. Someone get this man a bidet. Brandon, let him go over to your house.
Starting point is 00:13:06 I know you got a bidet. A bidet. Oh, fancy. Yeah. What's wrong with you, Brandon? Nothing. All right, it's Oz. It's Oz and Oz God, too.
Starting point is 00:13:16 You're getting over a migraine. I am getting over a migraine. Those are the worst. The days after that. Do you have it? Y'all want to have an all-fair conversation on the air? Yeah, when did you have the? Y'all want to have an all-fair conversation on the air? Yeah. When did you have the migraine?
Starting point is 00:13:26 Last night during trivia. Yeah, because there's no one in the world that gets more anxious about trivia. I know. You do this to yourself. I'm in a spell of migraines now, and that's not good. That was my second one in a week. I can't play yak basketball. Why?
Starting point is 00:13:42 Because I will get a migraine. I will get a migraine. I will get a migraine. What? Completely fair. I think we would like you better maybe as like a sideline. Stop trying to fuck him, dude. You got to stop trying to fuck him. So you're reffing with Zahn TJ now?
Starting point is 00:13:53 I don't know if I'm reffing or whatever. Oh, you're not even going. I'm going. Wait, why would you get a migraine playing yak basketball? Because of the lights? I don't know. The airship, the nerves? Well, it really is that he's afraid because we would show him up
Starting point is 00:14:06 because we're better at basketball than him. You don't have to run back and forth. Never mind. You don't have to run. You can just stay under one hoop. I'm going to get a migraine, and I'm going to go get my buckets. No, no, no, no. Brennan, you don't have to do it.
Starting point is 00:14:18 We all know you suck at basketball. Yeah, I can't do it either, actually. I got a tummy ache when I'm at that level. I've had a sore throat all week. It could just be me alone out there. Mike had to stuff me in an Uber last night to get me away. I passed out backstage. You did?
Starting point is 00:14:38 I'm Jesus Christ. Did you really? Full on fainted? Not fainted, but I couldn't see straight. Like Charles Davis? How's that passing out? Like the dots in your vision? I get that when I get that.
Starting point is 00:14:51 No, I just get... We're off the high news. I was going to drink more water, my man. Yeah, you were off the high news. I think I'm chronically dehydrated. How small is the Uber that you had to be stuffed in? It was a little Tykes Jalopy. It was a Ford Escape.
Starting point is 00:15:06 It was stuffed, didn't it? With some of you spilling out of it. You lay down in it? I'm just giving you a hard time. Thanks, Kyle. It's way better when Kyle's giving you a hard time. And there was a woman here that works here that helped me last night. I had never met her, and she shepherded me and made sure I was okay and went and got me medicine
Starting point is 00:15:26 and I have no idea who it was. So I thank her if she's watching right now. She had blonde hair. I never met her before last night. It might have been the Virgin Mary that turned to her and said, you're not in content. What are you doing? Shit. I'm sorry Brandon. That's okay you're a bitch five wheels two axles two tongues
Starting point is 00:15:50 yeah no i know i'm still on i'm still on oz i hope you feel better i know this friday's gonna be a big deal for you for mississippi state so you should do what will keep you not dead also got the in-between game show. Oh, I know, I know. This is a smart decision because you getting a migraine during the Mississippi State game would be very bad. Uh-huh. Very bad. Yeah. Credit to me, I almost said bitch there and I didn't.
Starting point is 00:16:19 You've said it multiple times. But I didn't. I was the most sincere I got and I didn't end it with a bitch. I'll be a game-time decision. Can I be a game-time the most sincere I got, and I didn't end it with a no. I'll be a game time decision. Can I be a game time decision? Sure. Is that fair, Kyle? That feels like a soft no.
Starting point is 00:16:29 I think you should just say no. Yeah, just say no. Or you can only play for the last minute. So do you think you'd still win? Well, that'd be easy because everybody else would be tired as hell by the time I get in there. Yeah, that sounds fair then. I don't think so. What if we wheelchair basketballed you?
Starting point is 00:16:45 Oh, slam ball. Oh. That's not called slam ball. Murder ball. I don't think so. What if we wheelchair basketballed you? Oh, slam ball. Oh, that's not called slam ball. Murder ball, murder ball. Murder ball, murder ball, murder ball. What if you got in a wheelchair? Murder ball's an incredible name for that. Oh, yeah. It is.
Starting point is 00:16:56 Yeah, I hope to never be paralyzed. Those guys have incredible strength. What do they call college Quidditch now? Quadball? Yes. I don't think they call it. Oh, because of J.K. Rowling? And they don't even play on turf anymore.
Starting point is 00:17:09 I once saw a wheelchair basketball game at the halftime of the Memphis Grizzlies game, a playoff game against Dallas in 2006. They were playing wheelchair basketball, and everybody was politely applauding, and one time the ball got loose, and a guy got up out of his wheelchair, went and got the ball, and sat back down,
Starting point is 00:17:22 and it just ruined the whole thing for him. Maybe he had rheumatoid arthritis. Maybe he had a migraine. That's not like an advantage to be not handicapped and play wheelchair basketball. Maybe a disadvantage. Well, it probably is a disadvantage. You're probably worse at wheelchair. Were they padding the rosters?
Starting point is 00:17:38 Why was he playing? I would say being able to walk is a handicap in that game. What a twist. There's also probably just not that many wheelchair guys. You know what I mean? They probably need an 8th, 9th, and 10th. I actually subbed into like a U12 game at the courts by Washington Square Park. The outdoor one.
Starting point is 00:17:59 In a wheelchair? No, it was like a regular game. U12? Were you dominating no shooting around you just played your position you're just hanging on the chain link taller than everyone uh i think most of the lineup yeah there's one there one. There's like two, five, six, five, seven kids. It's run center? No. I didn't.
Starting point is 00:18:29 It wasn't a game. I just shot around. Nice. From the chair? Oh, it wasn't. This was not a wheelchair basketball. Their handicap was that they were under 12 years old. Oh, I thought it was under 12 and wheelchair. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:18:43 It was AAU. Yeah. Probably not. Kyle still played them, but without a wheelchair. Running around. That would be, if we ever do another Invitational, maybe that's what we do. We bring a wheelchair team, and then we play them, but we can run.
Starting point is 00:18:58 Yeah, I think we'd dominate. They would? I think we would. Yeah, I think we would, too. Yeah. We'd be better. We'd be awesome. Just imagine blocking a shot.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Pretty easy. Low release point. Just go around the country playing wheelchair basketball teams. Yeah. Iron sharpens iron. The Oxen might be a play, though. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it.
Starting point is 00:19:17 All right, let's do the wheel, and then let's play some Oregon Trail. I want to see someone die. When are we revamping wheel? Tomorrow. Morgan and Morgan. Morgan Trail. I want to see someone die. When are we revamping Wheel? Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Morgan & Morgan. Morgan Trail. Have you been in an accident recently? Have you slipped at your neighborhood grocery store?
Starting point is 00:19:30 Not been getting paid what you deserve at work? Morgan & Morgan is here to help. Morgan & Morgan is America's largest personal injury law firm. They have over 800 attorneys and offices across the country. Even better, they're completely free to work with unless you win your case. Going up against the big companies for the money you deserve requires having the big guns on your side visit for the people.com slash yak to see if you have a case it's no cost to you that's for the people.com slash yak walking to work today turned around and francis and roan were both helping a
Starting point is 00:20:01 blind man cross the street francis francis him. You were laughing? He was helping Francis. No, I was walking to work and I got to the intersection and you and Francis were kind of loitering at the intersection and then you both heroically spotted a blind man and Francis started gathering him across the street and I
Starting point is 00:20:19 latched onto Francis' other arm pretending to be another blind person. Okay. It was smooth by Francis. He's done that before. Oh, yeah. Offered his arm up. The guy took it. I didn't know what the etiquette was.
Starting point is 00:20:31 I don't know if they want to be asked for help or not. I think they do. I think any help for a blind, but I'm also always reticent to help the blind. I think it's more like a heads up. I think there's a blind guy in this office building, and I've gone in the elevator with him before and i just give him a like hey because he'll he'll hit the button or the some the person downstairs will hit the button and i'll get in and i'll hit mine i'll be like hey i'm getting off at two just so you know so he doesn't get off at two okay
Starting point is 00:21:00 like a hey like the helping him i'm just letting them know like hey some of them don't want to be asked for help yeah were you and Francis how did you guys link up at that corner how how are you guys were you guys walking from somewhere together he just came out of pliable and latched right on to me so he latched on to you the blind guy latched on to him and I latched on to him as well yes it was a little piece of driftwood you should have latched on to him as well. Yes. It was a little piece of driftwood. You should have latched on to the blind guy, so it would have been sequential, but you... I know, but I just didn't have the confidence to grip up a blind guy's off arm. Yeah. He already had his pole in his hand. Understandable.
Starting point is 00:21:35 But, yeah, I guess I should start helping the blind. You should. You guys should, too, probably. I do. I just said that. I haven't seen it. I was getting off the second floor. Yeah, right. Dude, that probably didn't help him. He was should too, probably. I do. I just said that. I said I was getting off the second floor. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:21:46 Dude, that probably didn't help him. He was probably trying to latch. He was probably a barstool fan pretending to be blind. Yeah. Hoping to latch onto you. Pretty smart strategy. You just give a great idea to someone. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:57 That's a great idea. How about helping people with strollers up the stairs? Or like some- Ever. I feel weird touching touch ever like being around people's babies you can't do that ever
Starting point is 00:22:06 I always do that I always any moms that I see struggling you have the kid you deal with it what about like an older Guatemalan lady
Starting point is 00:22:15 who's selling fruit and she has like but I'm saying what about helping her up the stairs no baby involved but she still has a cart
Starting point is 00:22:23 upstairs has the cart of fruit shouldn't have bought all that fruit. There's some subways that don't have ovators. You don't take the subway, Brandon. I don't take the subway. Why? There's never any reason to.
Starting point is 00:22:35 Why? I mean, getting to the show last night could have been a subway ting. So yelling to us from the car. Mike drove us to Mike had a car. Love Mike. Mike's the car. Mike drove us to, Mike had a car. Love Mike. Mike's the best. And he told me he was going to leave at five
Starting point is 00:22:48 and he didn't show up until five of four. Oh no. I spent the entire car ride cussing Mike. Nice. You got to make sure you let him know
Starting point is 00:22:55 that you're the talent. I'm not doing that shit. I want to hire a mentalist to get you and not tell you that you're being gotten by a mentalist. I want to undercover mentalist.
Starting point is 00:23:04 I want to have someone just like imagine if he came in and he was like, yeah, I'm a comedian. Then he's like, hey, but let me just try something real quick. That would be mental. That would be incredible. That guy has the ultimate power of manipulation. He doesn't set it up like a trick. He's just talking.
Starting point is 00:23:20 He's like, yeah, in 71. Sorry, you didn't say that yet. It does suck. Sorry for interrupting didn't say that yet. It does suck knowing that. Sorry for interrupting. Go ahead and say it. It sucks knowing that doing comedy, I will never get even close to a reaction that he gets from doing that one two-minute trick.
Starting point is 00:23:39 We've been talking about it for 24 hours now. I've been thinking about it. I can't get it out of my head. One second of awe is worth a thousand times. Yeah, it is. People jumping out of their seats. He should be the most famous guy in the world. It doesn't make sense. Nothing about
Starting point is 00:23:54 it makes sense. Is there anyone out there like him? It has to be a self-printing card. That's the only way. It has to be. He said, is there anyone out there like him? Not, does anyone out there like him? Steven Reyes is in. Reyes is so bold. There actually is, and he's from Wheeling, West Virginia.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Craig Kargis? Craig. Is he from Wheeling? No, he just performs there. Performs there. Often. Regularly. Is he a local mentalist?
Starting point is 00:24:19 He is on the same level. I read his book, Ignite Your Intuition. And I tried to ignite mine. I don't think he'd buy a self-read mine. I'm pretty sure he had a big chin. Should we try it? Yeah, like a Clark Kent cleft chin. What if it's easy? Yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:24:35 Superman reference. Steven, think of a number one to a hundred. Maybe this is just easy. Think of a number one to a hundred. And write it down. Wait, we'll all write it down. Write it down.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Should we all try to get his number? Yeah, I'm going to get his number. This is just a PMT. Steven, what do you do for work? What's your... You should add him for the fucking machine. Oh, yeah. Empty it out.
Starting point is 00:24:56 He gets every single one in a row. Holy shit. Oh, you picked your number? I did. I don't like that number. Pick another number. And I can tell by the way that you touched your hair, it was a hot number. Oh, he's smiling.
Starting point is 00:25:08 He's smiling. So it's a woman number. Yeah. And now it's even. Hmm. Okay, I got this. I got this. Steven, I'll take him on vegetable for me.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Vegetable. All right, Steven. Your number is 54. Your number is 12. Oh, that's his first number. His first number is 54. Your number is 12. Oh, that's his first number. His first number was 12. I picked up on 12, but I didn't pick up on 54. His first number is 12.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Yeah, but then he went way higher. His second number is 54. He went higher than that. I think he went 71. Okay. Show us your number. He wanted to copy exactly what happened. 29.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Oh, shit. I have 29. What was your first number? If you look at the phone number on the yak sheet, you will see 29. First number is 73. 73. What's 71? Which is reversed on the last number.
Starting point is 00:25:56 3-7-7-3. I just thought everybody thought 71. That's what I was banking on. Damn. All right, so maybe it's not so easy. All right. What was the fruit? All right, so maybe it's not so easy. All right. What was the fruit? All right, Stephen.
Starting point is 00:26:07 Stephen, you originally thought corn, then you changed it. You changed it because you thought that might be too obvious for me to guess. Then you changed to broccoli.
Starting point is 00:26:16 I didn't even hear a fruit question. So you thought broccoli? Everyone look under their chair and there's a piece of broccoli. There is no fruit. Think of a fruit. Got it.
Starting point is 00:26:27 Strawberries. Yep. Do you want me to say what it was? Cherries. Guava. I was going to say that. You son of a bitch. Someone tweeted, it was like, you guys should have played
Starting point is 00:26:40 Jeopardy with him. Would have been awesome. Man, we just just how would he like you can't you can't beat jeopardy can you hire him please i want to but i don't because i'm scared of him i don't want him to do any content that goes out either i just want to be around i just can't believe you didn't ask him for winners this weekend i know well i fucked up i watched he was on and he did a letter. You're going to explain another one? Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:27:08 No, no, I want to hear this. He predicted the final four. What? He predicted the final four. Actually? Yes. In like an envelope in a suitcase that a guy was carrying around for weeks in green. And he was very adamant that the guy had the suitcase the entire time.
Starting point is 00:27:22 He hadn't messed with it. So he has a self-writing nanobomb. Here's what he says. Briefcase might have like a built-in printer. He created a technology that no one else has. Somebody's watching what he's doing and entering it in
Starting point is 00:27:39 and it's going to the card. Is that what a 3D printer is? No. Absolutely not. I think somebody that we need to keep an eye on is the guy who is with him in the Jeff cap. Yeah. Yes, you're right. The assistant.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Sir, you know, he was around. He was listening. I don't know whether he was the driver. Can you book him for a whole episode? That's who that was. Yeah? Yeah. What if the guy...
Starting point is 00:28:04 Yes, book him for a whole episode. What if who that was. Yeah? Yeah. What if the guy- Yes, book him for a whole episode. What if the guy with him was actually Oz the Mentalist, and this guy was just a performer that was the front? Holy shit. I actually like that more. I like that too. Yes, book him for a whole episode. I don't know why you think I'm-
Starting point is 00:28:17 I like Oz being a great cat. Book him for a whole episode, whatever it counts. Find the scene. You should have him come for a case race. Oh. That would be fucked up. That would be nuts. He'd beat the fuck out of me. What if he opened his case
Starting point is 00:28:27 and he's like, all mine are empty. I won. And Sass is like, hammer. He's like, no. Couldn't he figure out
Starting point is 00:28:35 a drunk man's mind? Oh my God. Wow. Have him see if he'll come for the Christmas party that we're going to do, the eggnog case race That's just gonna be
Starting point is 00:28:47 This room's gonna be filled With ankle deep vomit Vomit Vomit Yeah it's gonna be great So much vomit It's gonna be so bad Like two of those
Starting point is 00:28:54 People are gonna be thrown up Yeah How does it work though It should be a bottle of rum Yeah it should And uh Yeah We'll have to figure out
Starting point is 00:29:03 That's gonna fuck us up Dude splitting a bottle of rum among two people? Oh, it's gonna be hilarious. Rum is a rough drunk, too. You might need to have an EMT. Rum is... Bad news.
Starting point is 00:29:11 Yeah. What about four... What about three people on a team? I don't think we have to get, like... I don't think we have to drink to, like, the point of being blacked out. I think we just gotta drink a lot of eggnog.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Maybe we have a task that we have to accomplish. Yeah, we just do enough eggnog that it's funny gingerbread houses yeah hell yes we will do that that's gonna be on i think we're gonna air it the friday before christmas thursday before christmas what are we doing 12 hour we have to fucking do that so there's no you had a break from football season. As soon as I have a break, we're in. So there's no Yak or Pick Central on Friday, right, TJ?
Starting point is 00:29:50 Correct. I don't produce Pick Central, but yep. Friday when? This week? You just fucking dunked on me. Why not Friday this week? Because we're all at the Invitational. We're all going to the basketball game. Everyone, please watch the basketball game. Go to the game. There's two games. If you are in... Toledo and UAB in a great mid-major matchup, and then it's Mississippi State against Akron. It's a basketball game. Go to the game. There's two games. If you are in –
Starting point is 00:30:05 Toledo and UAB in a great mid-major matchup, and then it's Mississippi State against Akron. Are we allowing kisses? Yes. Four 1-0 teams. I think we allow kisses, but they have to be done at half court. So I had a guy – I got this close to a kiss last night, and we were about to kiss, and then he said,
Starting point is 00:30:22 no, instead would you just have them sign my certificate. So he didn't want to go through with a kiss last night and we were about to kiss and then he said no, instead would you just have them sign my certificate. So he didn't want to go through with the kiss. No, but there was a dual yielder last night. Yeah, two coins. That was the guy that I kissed. He was a Kimbo. You kissed him? Yes. We didn't say it was a kiss event so you just kissed a guy. I need to tell him
Starting point is 00:30:39 I need to tell him I went and everybody here can say it. I went around with your certificate. I got Big Cat to sign it. I got everybody to sign it. There is one fake signature on your certificate. 101 out of 500. Yeah, there's one. So if you're watching, there was one guy who did not get to sign it
Starting point is 00:30:57 and somebody faked the signature. And I'm not going to tell you who it was. I'm disgusted by who would know. It was KB. How did they do my name? I wrote K and B. Oh, that works. Steven did his back of check signature.
Starting point is 00:31:11 Everyone else just wrote their name. Steven has the worst signature I've ever seen. I just wrote my first. I write Nikki. Yeah, you just have to write something that's easy to read so they can show it to someone. You print Roan. Yeah. I just signed Big Cat.
Starting point is 00:31:24 You gave the back of check on Hancock. That's my only signature. Work on a new one. You've got to work on a new one. You have a different signature for... Yeah. Yes. Well, then I guess I'm going to do that.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Doesn't matter. Well, we're going to do the whole thing. At all. Everybody's coming with their own wheel, right? Yeah. So how many slices? Eight? It could be whatever you want.
Starting point is 00:31:45 It's your wheel. It could just be one big slice. A wheel coming with their own wheel? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you could. Your wheel could just be one slice of Lomo Saltado. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:54 Or like Lomo Saltado from this place or Lomo Saltado from that place. Wait, to clarify, like my wheel, is it only I have to do what it lands on that? No, everybody does. We spin to see whose wheel
Starting point is 00:32:05 we use that and then okay so it'd be great or it could be terrible i just like the point trying to uh soften the wheel and make it a little simpler we're we're gonna make it a thousand times more yeah but that makes it more fun but like big cat is evil yeah brandon you're just hungry right so it's it varies now it's not purely purely good or bad. Mine will be the hungry wheel. You're right. I had a thought when I was like, fuck. I have content thoughts right before I go to bed every night, and I forget it.
Starting point is 00:32:33 It was a great one for the wheel. Fuck. Fuck. You've got to go back to sleep to reaccess it. When you go lay down to bed tonight, you'll get it again. Probably. Can we play Oregon Trail? You've got to actually play. Ronan and I have to do the pro football show, again. Probably. Can we play Oregon Trail? You got to actually play.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Ronan and I have to do the pro football show, too. Sorry. Sorry, guys. It's okay. Sorry, Sass. I'm fine. Jeez. I was worried Sass would be pissed.
Starting point is 00:32:57 It's a long day. Damn, Sass. I do not want you to be pissed, bro. Don't really load Wednesdays up. Sass, you were shit-faced last night. Wednesdays are tough. No, I wasn't. Yeah, you stumbled.
Starting point is 00:33:10 What? I had to stop you into an Uber. No, I actually walked. What are you doing, TJ? From Hell's Kitchen to West Village. You did? Wow. Then I biked a little bit.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Yeah, yeah. You doing, TJ? Whoa. It was mostly walking. Oh! Oh, wow. This is very nice. You guys can was mostly walking. New mic stand. Oh. Oh, wow. This is very nice. You guys can fight over that.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Nice. Really nice. How? A mic stand doesn't stand up without being meeting. Where's TJ going? A chair. TJ's leaving. See you, Teej.
Starting point is 00:33:36 See you, Teej. Pro football. Are you going to play Oregon Trail? That's a good guy. Then who's our shooter? Calzo's filling in. Where? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:33:43 Sharpshooter, Calzo. Is he a sharpshooter? Why are you leaving? Big time. Oh, he's the producer of the pro filling in. Sharp shooter, Calto. Is he a sharp shooter? Why are you leaving? Big time. Oh, he's the producer of the pro football show. All right. All right. How to do this.
Starting point is 00:33:53 I don't think you should do this. Yeah, you have to do that later. That'll piss people off. Let's travel the trail. Okay, boys. It's the Oregon top ten. You're struggling here. Just hit one.
Starting point is 00:34:09 Just type in one. Type in one. This is not a good sign. Just one. I wish I could help. Oh, that's just a thing for the game. Not good. Number one.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Game, right? Oh, no. It's beside the two. Oh, no. TJ's beside the two. Oh, no. TJ's got to train better. I put the squarely on TJ's shoulders. Yeah, 100%. He's making himself unfireable.
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Starting point is 00:35:18 Have we figured it out? I think so. One second. There's an ad on there. Oh, man. Sass, I'm looking at the prep sheet right here. It says, what was your perception of trivia last night? No spoilers.
Starting point is 00:35:29 Me specifically? Yeah, that's what the prep sheet says. Oh, I had a blast. I thought it was very fun. I had a good time watching. I went to the L.A. one, but I didn't really get to watch. Right. This one was fun.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Fun as hell. Really? Yeah, I had a blast. That was a good build. No, I don't. I know who you need. There was somebody there that was answering along and got 12 points the first game.
Starting point is 00:35:53 Your boy? My boy Maresh. Really? I think I got one the whole night. Don't say it. Don't say it. No spoilers. Jesus, Brandon. You guys took this? the whole night. What was it? Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. No spoilers. Spoilers.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Jesus, Brandon. You didn't really get it, did you? You guys take the stairs? No, he did. I was with him. I was just retweeting the show and Cliff DeMartino, who has Kate's breasts in his house,
Starting point is 00:36:14 said taking the elevator to is wild. I take the elevator. Do you guys take the elevator? I take the elevator every day. I don't have one of the scanning things, so I have to take the elevator. Yeah. Yeah, it depends if my hands are full. Fuck them stairs. I take the steps. day. I don't have one of the scan-in things, so I have to take the elevator. Yeah. Yeah, it depends if my hands are full.
Starting point is 00:36:25 Fuck them stairs. I take the steps. But I always apologize. Three flights of stairs to get to the second floor. Elevator? Why would I ever take stairs when I can take an elevator? Occasionally, I'll take the stairs down. I take stairs down all the time.
Starting point is 00:36:37 I take the stairs down every time. AB? I always take the stairs. I don't like elevators. Why? I don't like waiting. Yeah, I never wait because there's seven of them. I hate when they're slow. I't like elevators why i don't like waiting yeah i never wait because there's i don't mind that when they're slow i hate hotel there's six elevators you just press the button it's a good elevator i don't like them i think it's an easy it's quicker to ascend the stairs
Starting point is 00:36:57 i always like shamefully rambled whoever's going to like floor 14 15 and it's me i'm always like oh being lazy today i'll have a little bit of, gotta grab a suit, a winter car and they're always just like, shut the fuck up. I didn't have a card and I was on the elevator with somebody going up
Starting point is 00:37:11 to like a higher floor. I always walked off the elevator with like a limp. Yeah. I tell them I have cancer. Oh, here we go. Okay. Let's be a carpenter from Ohio.
Starting point is 00:37:23 You think? I don't know. Yeah, because then we can fix our own fucking thing. If we're a farmer, we can do... We're not going to stop to farm. I bet you the banker starts with more money. Oh, we're not going to start...
Starting point is 00:37:32 We'll know how to kill our oxen and farm it for food. All right, fine. Be a farmer. No, that's the last thing I want to be. No, no, a farmer. We're not growing shit in the way. I think the carpenter, we can fix our own... Let's vote.
Starting point is 00:37:42 Carpenter. Carpenter. Carpenter. Two. Hold up a two. What would be the benefit of being a banker? That's my question. Banker.
Starting point is 00:37:49 Banker. Banker. I'm going to go banker too. All right. We're a banker. We're from Boston. Banker. If we don't end up with more money, you guys already failed.
Starting point is 00:37:58 If we're a banker from Boston, why are we on the same team? Could have looked. No way. We could check to see what the difference is. What is the first name? Cat. Oh, you could have? Yeah. Cat. That was check to see what the difference is. What is the first name? Big Cat. Oh, you could have? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Big Cat. That was number four. Was to check? Go back. Can you go back? Oh, boys. Don't think so. Start again.
Starting point is 00:38:16 EJ could have gone back. Start again. We're never going to get there. I like the mystery of it. All right, fine. Swinging it. Just swinging it. What's the first name of the wagon leader?
Starting point is 00:38:22 All right, I'll be the wagon leader. That's fine. Now, I think we should do combos. So it should be like Sass KB. Yeah. Sassy B. Lil KB. Yeah, Lil KB.
Starting point is 00:38:36 No, no, no, no, no, no. DJ. Number two should be Lil KB. No. No, no, no, number two. Oh, boy. Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't know if. No, no, no. Number two. Oh, boy. Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't know if we can go back, unfortunately.
Starting point is 00:38:49 All right, so then make the next one. I need to know who that is. Oh, wait. Who is doing this? That's irrelevant. All right. Make the next one. Make the next one Brone.
Starting point is 00:39:02 Oh, yeah, for Brandon and Ron. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, boy. make the next one Brone oh yeah for Brandon and Ron no oh no no oh boy alright you need to you can't fuck this one up
Starting point is 00:39:14 I'm praying for you make this one kick yeah yup and then the last one can be Che and Za
Starting point is 00:39:23 or Che and KB's not on there KB was Broan no it's KB is Broan you're big cat what about Che B Che B
Starting point is 00:39:36 what about Za Za wouldn't be on the Oregon Trail why Jesus KB Za I mean, Zah wouldn't be on the Oregon Trail. Why? Whoa. Jesus Christ. J.B. Zah. J.B. Zah. What about J.B.? No, you could change it.
Starting point is 00:39:49 You could change it. Change Sass to... Oh. Yeah, yeah. Lil Zah. Yeah. Lil Zah. It just keeps going.
Starting point is 00:39:58 No, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. All right. You're bad. The next page just says we all died. Yeah. No? All right, well. bad. The next page says we all died. Yeah. No? All right.
Starting point is 00:40:07 Well. Change with Snoop. That was advanced tech. This is insane. All right. Lil Za. Yes. Well, that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Sorry, Za. That was a fuck, Za. Stop. Damn it. A little sad. Shit. That didn't work. It's an accurate depiction.
Starting point is 00:40:33 You guys really call him Lil Zod? What the fuck? This is fucked. Damn. All right, they're correct. What did we decide? April? I think April.
Starting point is 00:40:44 April. All right. Vote? Yeah, April. April. All right. Vote? Yeah, vote. April showers. It's going to be pouring. It's going to be... Oh, it's been a while.
Starting point is 00:40:50 It's been a while. It takes a long time. I say March is... Vote for March. Hands up for March. No, let's start in the worst elements. We don't want to be crossing. We don't want bad elements.
Starting point is 00:40:58 We do not want to be crossing the rocks and mountains in winter. What about asking for advice? It's going to be a Donner trail. March. Can we ask for advice number six? March. All right, March it is. We're leaving in the page.
Starting point is 00:41:08 Oh, this is awful. We just not. All right. And wait, since it's almost the end of the show, if our duo dies, we leave the show. Wait, look how much money we have as the banker. Yes, yes, I like that. Look how much more money. It's the same amount we had yesterday.
Starting point is 00:41:18 We had 400 yesterday. We only had 400 bucks yesterday. Yeah. And today we have 1,000. Oh, okay, that worked. All right. It's 1,600, Kate. All right, that's 1,600. All right, that's 1,600.
Starting point is 00:41:26 All right, press spacebar to continue. We're rich. Okay, press spacebar to continue. Let's get 1,000 oxen. All right. Press spacebar to continue. I think we're just stuck in the... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:38 All right, press spacebar to continue. All right. Okay, all right. All right, load up on oxen. Yeah. You guys are in? One of them. Boy, we have 1,600 bucks now. All right, we want to buy some oxen. Get the original up on oxen Yeah You guys are in We have 1600 bucks now Alright we want to buy some oxen
Starting point is 00:41:48 Get the original amount of oxen I like it I wonder if they charge us more Because we're bankers How much did we have yesterday? 400? That's it? Along the way too
Starting point is 00:41:58 Alright press space bar Oh no no no Don't press space bar Shit shit Yeah Press enter You can like trade With other groups along the way too True No wait No, don't press spacebar. Shit, shit. Yeah. Press enter. You can, like, trade with other groups along the way, too.
Starting point is 00:42:08 True. No, we know. Okay. What happened here? You guys are really... Can we get... Hey, you want to grab the controls back there, everybody? Go get MRAGs. Games.
Starting point is 00:42:22 We're stuck. You're doing a great job. Press spacebar. Continue now. It's frozen. great job it's frozen two of you are playing we break the site refresh will fuck us now we can go in with a clear head let's do it we fail this time I think we Now we can go in with a clear head. All right, okay. Let's do it.
Starting point is 00:42:45 All right, here we go. I want to do this really bad. Let's fucking do it. We fail this time. I think we have to just do it tomorrow. All right, here we go. Come on. Oregon Trail. All right.
Starting point is 00:42:58 There's an ad. Sorry. Oh, there's an ad. Oregon Trail's hard. Hard to get on the trail. We can't get on the trail.'t this game for like children too? Yeah 90s kids though bro
Starting point is 00:43:10 It would run on like a Before that right? 85 80s? It crashed our shit Yeah Was it 80s? I think it was around when I was a kid
Starting point is 00:43:17 Maybe not Maybe Why'd you You don't know I used to play with the floppy disk You're 21 years old You don't know what was around when I was... And then I shoved a pretzel.
Starting point is 00:43:27 You didn't fill the 80s. Shoved a pretzel in a floppy disk? A floppy disk hole and then ruined my family's computer. I broke my mom's laminator because I was trying to laminate a fruit roll-up. Wanted it forever. I was like in ninth grade. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Traveling trail. One. Froze again. Traveling trail. One. Froze again. God damn it. Maybe it's on a site that's better other than the Oregon. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Try another site. Search for another. I bet you there's a better site. Yeah, because this shit could run on a calculator on a smart fridge. Yeah, they have it.
Starting point is 00:44:00 You can play it other places. Smart fridge? Yes. You run Skyrim on a smart fridge. I'll be a hand-to-hand Khajiit as I'm getting my Danon. All right.
Starting point is 00:44:16 You got this, Nick? They have a buff because they have claws. Experts of theft and acrobatics. I've gotten about, you know, one of every five words. I'm still stuck on. Cheat. That's the cat race in the Elder Scrolls series. Cheat.
Starting point is 00:44:39 It's a lot of pressure. TJ's looking really good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. CJ the glue that holds the whole thing together? All right. Oh, here we go.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Games.com. We should have checked games.com. All right, let's go. Let's travel the trail. Oh, that got faster. All right, so are we banker? Yes. All right, banker, one.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Oh, look how fast. Big cat. Big cat. Not Lil Zaw. Lil Zaw. Lil Zaw's two. Three is Brone. Kick.
Starting point is 00:45:10 Four is Kick. And then Chay B. Chay B. Okay. I like this. Yes. What are we saying? March?
Starting point is 00:45:20 March. Guys, passing the Rockies in winter? We're not going to be passing the Rockies in winter that's we're not gonna be passing the rockies in winter that's why we're leaving in march i'll let you guys eat me don't worry all right let's buy some fucking oxen one now we're cooking uh-oh shouldn't have said that 48 yolk let's get five yolk 5? 5 yolk 5 yolk baby I think you said 8?
Starting point is 00:45:47 3 or 4 no 5 we have money we got that money now we have money 5 yolk should we save any money or are we going to spend it all right here
Starting point is 00:45:54 spend it all save money 5 because there's probably other stores 4 that's true alright food oh a lot of food
Starting point is 00:46:01 let's get a lot now spend 200 on everything yeah 200 on everything we're just going to be running around with money on the trail for each person in your house we're going to be ripe for robbers Oh, a lot of food. Let's get a lot now. Spend 200 on everything. Yeah. 200 on everything. We're just going to be running around with money on the trail? For each person in your house. We're going to be ripe for robbers. You've had five people on the Oregon Trail.
Starting point is 00:46:11 Robbers on the Oregon Trail. There's five of us. 20 cents a pound. He recommends 200 pounds per person. Five pounds. Well, there's six of us. I'm not doing that math. How many pounds of food do you want?
Starting point is 00:46:21 Let's just do... 1,200 pounds. No, you need 200 pounds. No. That's the recommended amount for each person. We need 1,200. But we can have it. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:46:34 It's 20 cents. 20 cents a pound. Ask how much pounds. How many pounds do we want? They want 200 a person. So there's five people. So 1,000 pounds. Let's do 1,200 pounds.
Starting point is 00:46:44 No, no, no. What did I say? Okay, all right. Yeah, you guys are right. Oh, two times six. Yeah, I'm stupid. Shit. That's a lot of...
Starting point is 00:46:52 I'm a bad singer. Because we can hunt, too. That's a lot of weight for our food. It is. We have five yolk. All right, we have 440 left. Uh-oh. Let's not get too much.
Starting point is 00:46:59 We have five wagons. Oh, no, we spent 440. This is a nightmare. Oh, yeah, we spent four. Oh, you're right. We have a lot left. All right, Oh, yeah, we spent 440. Oh, you're right. We have a lot left. All right, okay, yeah, this is a nightmare. Okay, you're our leader.
Starting point is 00:47:09 Pull this together. All right, all right, I'm going to talk for a second. Clothing, go to clothing. We need warm clothes. I recommend taking at least two sets of clothes per person. Each set is $10. How many sets of clothes do you want? We'll do 10 sets of clothes.
Starting point is 00:47:22 Here we go. $100 on clothes. Six people? Is there six of us? No, there's five. clothes. Here we go. $100 on clothes. For six people? Is there six of us? No, there's five. Oh, there's five. I forgot we were two. Ammunition. Pricing model is crazy. Load up on ammo. Boxes of 20 bullets. Each box costs $2.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Let's get $500 of ammunition. Yes, yes. Sass is right. Sass is right. $500 worth of ammunition. How many? Yeah. Yes, yes. Why not? Yeah. No, fuck. Yes, yes. Why not? I want to be strapped.
Starting point is 00:47:47 I know. I want a gun. That's how you survive. I want my ass strapped. It'd be 250 boxes, right? Ammo's so heavy. Let's go. Oh, that wouldn't be 250.
Starting point is 00:47:57 No, no. 500. 500. No. $500 worth. The wagon's going to tip immediately. Oh, 250? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:02 We're going to have to buy a ton of wheels and axles. Okay. I would like to see that. All right. Do 25. That's fine. Oh, my God. Let's's going to tip immediately. We're going to have to buy a ton of wheels in action. I would like to see that. Do 25. That's fine. How many boxes? 25 boxes of ammo is a lot. There's other stores along the way. We need more ammo.
Starting point is 00:48:14 Way more ammo. 99 boxes of ammo. 99 boxes. You're right. We got the money for spare parts. 500 pounds of beef. 99 boxes of ammo. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:48:26 There we go. All right. Spare parts. Now we just get all the spare parts and we never break down. Wheels, axles, and tongs. How many wagon wheels? Let's get 10. Is there a weight limit?
Starting point is 00:48:36 I don't know. On this wagon? We already got 1,000. Do one digit? I'm never going to cross the river. Nine. Let's do nine for all then. Nine.
Starting point is 00:48:44 We can only play three. All right. Let's do nine for all then. Nine. No, we can only play three. All right, let's get it. All right, three. Jesus Christ, why didn't you tell us that, dude? I know, right? Fucking Matt in his general store. Piece of shit. I can actually do as many as possible.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Yeah. High five. Three. I'm three of each. All right, three of each. Three of each. This fucking Matt's general store. What a piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:49:05 Now, we're going to go back and get some more food? No, we got to save some money because we're going to go to another store. What about clothing? We're going to shoot. You bought clothing already? Yeah, we bought clothing. We bought clothing. All right, let's go.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Oh, yeah, I love it. Good spend. Good spend. We have half our budget left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good. You guys wanted to be farmers. I still think we need more ammunition.
Starting point is 00:49:21 All right, here we go. We can't. We physically can't buy more than ammunition. Oh, my God. Here we go. Finally. Let's go we go. We can't. We physically can't buy more than ammunition. Oh, my God. Here we go. Finally. Let's go. Finally.
Starting point is 00:49:31 It's going to be a fun road trip. All right, kick. Let's survive. All right. Continue. Cold, health, good. One, continue. Yeah, let's just fucking.
Starting point is 00:49:40 Continue on the trail. Yeah. Let's just roll as fast as we can. Okay. All right. Yeah, let's speed run the Oregon trail. Yeah. Let's just roll as fast as we can. Okay. All right. Yeah, let's speed run the Oregon Trail. Yeah. Continue.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Yeah, let's continue. Yeah, continue. We're fine. You don't want to hunt yet? It's fine. No, not yet. Oh, the river's coming. Here comes the river.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Fear blizzard. Lose one day. Fear blizzard? Hold on. We shouldn't have left in March. No. What? Let's size it up before we cross the river.
Starting point is 00:50:03 Oh, no. We lost another day. We have plenty of food. This is crazy weather for a winter. Continue on trail. Let's keep going. Winter? Fjording this river is going to be on.
Starting point is 00:50:14 Well, we'll get there when we get there. We're eight days in. Let's cross the bridge when we get there. We're making. We're still over. Rone has exhaustion. Oh, you bitch. Brandon.
Starting point is 00:50:25 God damn it. Exhaustion? It's day one. Oh, you bitch, Brandon. God damn it. Exhaustion? It's day one. This fucking bitch. Keep going. We had to cram him into the wagon. Our health is only fair. We have to rest a day.
Starting point is 00:50:35 Rest a day. Rest a day. Rest a day. Especially before we cross this river. Stop to rest. We couldn't rest when there was a blizzard? That's a great question. Two days. Yeah, weekend. What? Weekend.'s a great question. Two days.
Starting point is 00:50:45 What? Two days of rest? Yeah, two days of rest. Going all the way to Oregon. It's a bad idea. Health fair. Now let's continue. Continue. When we get to the other side of the river,
Starting point is 00:51:01 let's hunt. Austin, would you like to look around? Yeah, let's look around Austin, would you like to look around? Yes. Yeah, let's look around. The river might be frozen. Or I guess that doesn't matter. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful river.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Holy shit. It looks like there was just a severe blizzard. Yeah, this is fine. All right, continue on trail. Must cross the river in order to continue. The river at this point is currently 624 feet across and 4.3 feet deep in the middle. Well, that's easy.
Starting point is 00:51:29 We should walk across. Just walk on across. Oh, no. That's right at the oxen's eyeballs. I think that's a mistake. All right. So then we should ford the river. We could cock the wagon and float.
Starting point is 00:51:39 We could take a ferry across. Oh, let's cock it. Hold on. Attempt to ford. Let's cock it. Our wagon's so full of gear. Oh, yeah, it is. Let's cock it. Hold on, hold on. Attempt to forward. Let's cock it. Our wagon's so full of gear. Oh, yeah, it is. Let's cock it.
Starting point is 00:51:48 It's going to kill us. Oh, my God. Here we go. Come on, boys. Oh, my God. Good. We're good. No, no, Jason.
Starting point is 00:51:55 We're good. Look at that. Oh, there's the other side. Yes. Oh, my God. Hey, that's good. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:52:02 All right. All right. Hey, shut the fuck up. I'm sweating. I told you we had that show nervous. Okay. Under three miles down. All right.
Starting point is 00:52:13 Let's hunt. Let's hunt. Let's hunt. Are we hungry? You got to be kidding me. It's another fucking river? Another river? We lost the trail.
Starting point is 00:52:20 What's happening? We're in the wilderness. There's probably some good steer out here. Let's hunt. I think we hunt. All right, hunt. Eight. All right, this is on you, here. Let's hunt. I think we hunt. All right, hunt. Eight. All right, this is on you, Booth.
Starting point is 00:52:27 I think you have to. Yeah. All right, here we go. I'm going to put this on your mission. You guys better fucking hunt well. I bet you this. Oh, boy. You boys better not fuck this up.
Starting point is 00:52:36 This is a big moment for you guys. It's a career pivotal moment. You guys know where the space bar is, right? Che's doing it. Okay, Che. Okay, Che. I don't know if I trust him at all. Sass, get in there, Sass. Come on, Sass. We need you in there, Sass.
Starting point is 00:52:52 Che could start and then we'll... I'm more than willing. We'll find a new hunter if this doesn't work. I'll let Che have his time. And once he inevitably fails... You're a novice. You're a novice. You're a novice. Come on, get in there, Seth.
Starting point is 00:53:06 See, the problem with this is that this is meant to be on like an old keyboard. The numbers. I've never played this before. All right, come on. You got this. This is just like point and click.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Space bar to fire the rifle. Point the rifle. I'm not buying that. Oh, but I used the... Oh, I see. And don't shoot the small animals because it scares off the big ones. Wait for the big game.
Starting point is 00:53:24 Yeah, don't wait for the big game. You don't shoot the squirrels. You wait for the fucking bear. Wait for the big game. Don't wait for the big game. You don't shoot the squirrels. You wait for the fucking bear. All right. You guys let me know when to fire. Go. Go. All right.
Starting point is 00:53:31 All right. Oh, look at him. No, don't shoot that. There. Get that place in. The buffalo. How do you get that? The buffalo.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Oh, my God. Get him. Get him. Get him. Holy shit. They don't really come out for much. Oh, boy. Might be able to move.
Starting point is 00:53:47 Yeah, you definitely are able to move. Get him. Get that fucking squirrel. It won't let me go down. Oh. Try using it with the W. Oh, get it. Oh.
Starting point is 00:53:56 Three. Oh, three. Sass, do you want to go in there? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Sass, get in. Sass. I'm talking to you. Did I my God. Oh, no. Sass, get in.
Starting point is 00:54:08 He was taunting you. He was taunting you. You didn't get it? No, he didn't get it. That deer was taunting you. I need the Yak account to have a picture of that deer crossing over Che. He broke your fucking ankles. Jesus. Hunt again.
Starting point is 00:54:22 I love this. Hunt again. Sass, you got to get in there. Come on, Sass. Go, go, Sass. Try. I don't know how easy it's going to be. This might be our new family feud.
Starting point is 00:54:31 I want to keep hunting. Hunting is the best part of the game. Oh, Steven, that fucking deer just haunted your ass. That was cruel. He was spinning in circles shooting a tree. Oh, so you guys have an old keyboard. Like a regular keyboard, at least. This sucks.
Starting point is 00:54:55 I don't want to go to the pro football show. I want to fucking go to Oregon. Tom, you have to go down there. I had two, but I think we can stretch it to 210. You have diarrhea. But this is down, so diarrhea. This is down. I couldn't face down. There were three big things.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Let's get it going. Let's go, Sass. Space bar. Come on, Sass. Oh! There! Get it! Another one!
Starting point is 00:55:22 That one, Sass! This is hard. The bison. He's alright. Get him, that one, Sass. This is hard. The bison. It's all right. He's all right. Get him, get him, get him. It won't move. Come on, Sass.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Hit the down. You're missing the down one. Oh, that's why. All right, ready? Yeah, yeah, be ready. Yeah! He's a killer. Get that bison.
Starting point is 00:55:41 I want this on Stool Outdoors. Fire him off. bison. I want this on stool outdoors. Whoa! Fire him off! We just lost a day to do this. Yeah, good job, Sass. Sass is a hunter. Way to go, Sass. You can only bring 100 pounds back. Okay, that was perfect. I want to see Steven try again
Starting point is 00:55:59 just because it's funny to see him fail. Why wouldn't we be able to get the other 29 pounds? Oh, overkill. We have too much food. We gotta wait until we get lower on food to hunt again. It's wouldn't we be able to get the other 29 pounds? Oh, overkill. We have too much food. Why don't we just... We've got to wait until we get lower on food to hunt again. Yeah. It's good that we got that out of the way. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:10 It's hard. Let's continue. It doesn't let you move around. It's good for morale, though, to have a couple kills and to know who our hunter is. Yes. We've got some hardware. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:56:18 Oh, my God. A wagon wheel. Wait, what? You have wheels and tons? Yes. I swear being a carpenter would have helped. Oh, yeah. But look at all that money. I know. Oh, what? Have wheels? Have wheels. Yes. Swear being a carpenter would have helped. Oh, yeah. But look at all that money. I know. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:31 Oh, nice. Look at us. Andy? Why would the answer have been no? I think that's just when you swap it out. Another river. Which river is it? I got a bad feeling about this one. Stop, Kate. I'm sorry, but I... I like resting before we try to cross.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Okay. No, we're health good. No, no, let's just keep going. We're health good. When health gets bad, we'll rest. Okay. And the weather's cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:54 Just got to worry about current. Keep going. Continue on trail. This makes me legitimately nervous. We're now at the Big Blue River Crossing. Would you like to look around? Or the stats. The stats around.
Starting point is 00:57:03 Let's see if this looks like a river. Yep, that's a river. Oh, that person's trying to... Wait, what's in the back? The river's running a little bit. That looks very fast. You have to do a pro football football show in a minute. There's an emergency guest coming in to say hi
Starting point is 00:57:20 for a minute. You will like it. Where? Is it Oz? Right now. Bring in Oz. In here? Here? Or downstairs? Here. Here. I know we're playing Oregon Trail because that would be two days in a row where we're interrupted on Oregon Trail.
Starting point is 00:57:32 All right. All right. Let's keep going. Let's continue on trail one. You're going to have to let me know when to size up the situation. It says to keep pressing enter, but I don't want to. Yeah. Go continue on trail one.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Let's cross the river. The river at this point is currently 230 feet. We can walk across this. We can walk across this. Three point four feet. Ford it. We're going to Ford it. This is a fucking prick.
Starting point is 00:57:55 That's Ford it. Oh, we can Ford it. It's so shallow. Dude, okay. Ford that shit. Here we go. Watch this. Watch me do this trick. Fording it. Oh, God. Oh, no. Three feet. Oh that shit. Here we go. Watch this. Watch me do this trick.
Starting point is 00:58:05 Fording it. Oh, God. Oh, no. Three feet. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, three oxen die.
Starting point is 00:58:14 Damn. Lost 500 pounds of food. Well, that sucks. I got to go do the pro football. Fuck. Okay. Isn't the guest about to come in here? Are they coming on that show?
Starting point is 00:58:24 Oh, no way. Oh. Whoa. Isn't the guest about to come in here? Are they coming on that show? Oh, no way. Oh. Whoa. Who it is? My goodness. Legend. Yo, Gorga. Legend.
Starting point is 00:58:32 Oh, no. Oh, both of them are here. Hey. Oh, hi. See you, man. How we doing, boys? Fucking guys. What's up, man?
Starting point is 00:58:41 How you doing? What's up? Been a while. How's it going? Fucking legends. What are you guys doing? What's up? Been a while. How's it going? Fucking legends. What are you guys doing? What are we doing? Joe, did you see that we...
Starting point is 00:58:51 How's it going? Did you see we did a whole show where we went through your Instagram? No. We did. We loved your quotes. The quotes are the best. Oh, yeah, man. I live by those.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Yeah. The quotes are the best. If I have a bad day, if you piss me off, I come I live by those. Yeah. The quotes are the best. I'm having a bad day. If you piss me off, I come out with a pope. Yeah. My wife will say, Whoa, right on everyone's face. My wife will call me in the morning.
Starting point is 00:59:11 She's like, are we good? I'm like, no, we weren't good. You left me hanging last night. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. See, I want to see one of your... I know about... That's every night for you, dude.
Starting point is 00:59:24 I know what type of time You're on dude He leaves them hanging Every night No Look at this one Don't eat with those Who will brag about feeding you
Starting point is 00:59:31 That's right That's deep You like that I like the ones Where you're like You got a shirt on in there Yeah I like the ones You got a shirt off
Starting point is 00:59:37 Yeah this one Yeah we gotta pop the top Disagreements are fine Disrespect is not That's right He's got a shirt off Wait do you see the cactus Look at the cactus
Starting point is 00:59:44 Oh fuck That's like art are fine. Disrespect is not. He's got his shirt off. Wait, do you see the cactus? Look at the cactus. Oh, fuck! That's like art. What comes first, the picture or the quote? The quote. I take the same pictures. I run with about four or five pictures. I'm not a picture guy. Even though I look the way I look.
Starting point is 01:00:02 You know, guys? Sometimes you get the point. Just a picture with a point, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I just... My wife makes fun of me. She's like, you gotta take some more pictures. And I just, I keep the same five, six pictures and I just put the quotes on them. I love it. I love it. And you guys, what are you guys doing today? What show? We got
Starting point is 01:00:17 Chicks in the Office. Nice. Talking about my comedy. I got a big comedy premiere coming up Friday. Gotta download it, man. Check me out. Your comedy shows are crazy. They get numbers, dude. People love that shit.
Starting point is 01:00:30 Thank you, man. People go crazy for that stuff. And you're all on it, right? I appeared once. Okay. I appeared once at Caroline's with him. Okay. Wasn't asked.
Starting point is 01:00:41 I just saw on Instagram in the morning a special guest star, Frank Catania. That's how I found out I was being on it. And I'm not even kidding. That was the beginning. Wait, so did they switch all the New York housewives? They didn't do it for New Jersey, right? You guys are still... Yeah, Jersey's still going.
Starting point is 01:00:58 All right, good. That would be too much. They can't do that much change to me. No, Jersey's still going. What season are you guys taping right now? Not right now. We're going to air in February. We'll probably start taping in June.
Starting point is 01:01:10 Yeah. How was BravoCon? What was BravoCon like? Out of control. It was nuts? Out of control. Yeah, they love you guys there. Frank, are you still close with your-
Starting point is 01:01:19 My darling ex-wife? Well, I was going to say with your wife's boyfriend. He's gone. All right. All right. You do comedy, too? I can make happy times. This way.
Starting point is 01:01:31 Honestly, me and Paulie are much closer than Joe and Teresa right now. Oh, okay. Whoa. Nice. I love that. Listen, it's still blood, though, at the end of the day. You've got to remember that. I hope you remember that.
Starting point is 01:01:43 Listen, don't tell me. I know, but it's blood. It's not on him. It's not on him. It's still blood at the end of the day. I know, but at the end of the day, you guys to remember that. I hope you remember that. Listen, don't tell me. I know, but it's fun. It's not on him. It's not on him. At the end of the day, I know, but at the end of the day, it's still, you guys have each other.
Starting point is 01:01:49 I know. Brother and sister. You'll always be there. You're a bond. And listen, that's all we have. Right. We lost our parents. We don't have, we don't have, we have no cousins.
Starting point is 01:01:58 We don't have a big family. It's just you guys. It's just us. And I, trust me, it's not me. Okay. I'm trying. I know the kids want to, you know what I mean? Make everything right, it seems. Everybody's trying to balance it out. Yeah, look, it's not me. Okay. I'm trying. I know the kids want to, you know what I mean, make everything right, it seems. Everybody's going to balance it out.
Starting point is 01:02:09 Yeah, look, you know what's beautiful, man? It's like these kids are all the same age. And it's sad. It really is sad. And no one wants that. And look, I could sit up here and have an attitude and say, yeah, yeah, no, screw it. I don't. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:23 I feel like shit. And it just sucks. Was there any straight guys at BravoCon that weren't with their girlfriends or wives or anything like that? Was there straight guys out there? Because I think there's a class of us. There's straight guys that watch that would go. See, that's the problem.
Starting point is 01:02:37 See, guys like you. See, you're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. You watch the show. I love that. I talk about that in my comedy. I do. I'll make fun of that. Love it. You guys are like six. Love watch the show. I love that. I talk about that in my comedy. I do. You know, I'll make fun of that because I like this guy.
Starting point is 01:02:47 You guys are like six. Love this show. Yeah. They never admit it. Never admit it. Yo, can I take a picture? Are you that guy on that? They fucking know who I am.
Starting point is 01:02:55 Yeah. Are you that guy on that reality show? I go, yeah. He goes, you know, can I take a picture of my wife and my daughter? They're fans. Yeah. But, you know, I really don't watch the show. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:04 And you sit there. Bullshit. Fucking hanging. They you know, I really don't watch the show. And you sit there and you're fucking hanging. And they're like, yo, remember that episode? I'm like, how did you know? But you guys hang out with the fellas. You represent for the fellas on the show. It's not just the entire time. You go out, have a couple drinks, have a couple laughs.
Starting point is 01:03:20 Frank, how's your family? Your son's like a doctor, right? My daughter's a doctor. My daughter's a veterinarian., your daughter's a doctor. My daughter's a veterinarian. My son's on Wall Street. That's fucking awesome. I'm done.
Starting point is 01:03:29 Love it. I'm semi-retired after that. Yeah. You did a good job parenting. That's some fucking... He can't have any more debt. He's done. He's got no nuts left.
Starting point is 01:03:37 Oh, you can't come anymore? You can't come anymore? Do I need to? No, but you can. You can? I got another guy in here who can't come. He's got a pump. He can come. Just maybe not much. Move it.
Starting point is 01:03:47 Move it. Move it. Listen, he don't come. He spits on them. He's about to. He just poo-poo and she's like, what's that? The guy we work with, his comes out like a mist.
Starting point is 01:04:04 I got an oil diffuser. He's got the pump. If it works, if I feel good, I'm happy. Yeah, that's right. As long as you're coming. Damn right, yeah. He's got that pump. Remember that pump on your tongue or your sneakers and you pump it up?
Starting point is 01:04:17 What are you talking about do I remember? Yeah, he's got the pump. Yeah, I got him right here. He's got the pump. Look, every time I pump, I come. It's just guy humor right there. Guy humor. Big deal. Oh, my God. All right, well, Ronan and I got to right here. He's got the pump. Look, every time I pump, I come. It's just guy humor right there. Guy humor. Big deal.
Starting point is 01:04:27 Oh, my God. All right, well, Ronan and I got to go do a show. You guys are the best. Guys, I appreciate you guys. Good to see you all. Yeah, really appreciate it. Anytime. Don't forget, Friday, man.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Friday. Friday. Come here. Go to watch. Yes. Go to my website. Yeah, what's the website? TheRealJoeGorga.com.
Starting point is 01:04:41 Wait, was there a fake one for a while? No, man. Okay, all right, good. I'm the real deal, baby. OK. All right. These are the best. Thank you, guys.
Starting point is 01:04:49 All right. And for the yak listeners, we'll just do Oregon Trail tomorrow. Well, that was just we have to get past this tragedy. Thank you. Thank you. Or you guys can finish it. We need your guidance just to get out of the tragedy. OK, all right.
Starting point is 01:05:03 Give me show me where we're at. We just lost 500 pounds of food. I say we just start fresh tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, all right. See you guys tomorrow. See you tomorrow. Outro Music

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