The Yak - We're Getting Brandon's Big Pencil Into The Masters One Way Or Another | The Yak 4-7-25

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

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Joey Avery still here, which I'm very excited about Yeah, are you what was he okay? Are you painting the house later? He's dressed like a caddy already Was Mike's not even on Wait, let's get the all Lucas Yeah, he did it take him did the show mostly and take them He fuck up mostly to a lot if you don't have a mic on you get antiques is that not a rule? It's fair you can be matching just at the rule. Oh Plugged in

Are we working yeah, all right? Hey, you look like be back one of those ultra violent guys in clockwork orange. Yeah Yeah, I know that I'm going caddy. This is for the Masters All right. Hey, great to be back. One of those ultra-violent guys in clockwork orange. Yeah. I know that. I'm going caddy. This is for the Masters. I'm excited what gifts I might get for coming back today. Well, so I'm very excited because I was talking to Brandon on Saturday. I heard that you accepted an invite to the Masters.

You're going to the Masters with Brandon. So when do you leave? Well, I leave Chicago today. I go back to New York and then I'll fly to Atlanta Wednesday. Okay, great. So this guy here is bringing you the Masters. This guy here is not doing everything that we would like him to do, which I understand. No, Dan. He had the puck drop problem. But now that you're going with him. No. Will you know the big these are my tickets. I don't know. Will you bring the big pencil? Do we have to keep doing this with this fucking big pencil? We yes, actually we're still have them on sale

We're trying to sell them. Well, that's not these will you bring the big pencil to the Masters? Here's I'm I am happy to do it, but I will I will ask Brandon because he's taking me may I bring the big pencil? I'm happy to do it on behalf of the show But I'm hitching my wagon to you because you're taking me to May I bring the big pencil? I'm happy to do it on behalf of the show, but I'm hitching my wagon to you because you're taking me to the Masters. I'm down. Brandon. Unfortunately, you may not. No, but Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, no, they aren't. Yes, they are. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm not going to be

unreasonable about this. No, I'm not. All I ask is a good faith effort to get the big pencil in. If you get to the masters and they're like sir You cannot bring that big pencil in throw in the trash My problem is that if Brandon was up to it, he would not bring it. So he and then he would tell us afterwards Oh, yeah, I tried they didn't let me but this is my first time I don't want to risk it at all that you think that they will see the big pencil and say sir You'll never get to come back in here You think that they will see the big pencil and say sir you'll never get to come back in here

I mean in addition to their rule. What are we talking about? I kind of I I respect them and I I think they they are pretty stickler big sticklers And I don't want to fuck with it big stickler right they don't let cell phones in pencil It's not can I get some back up here? Joey Avery's got to bring the big big pencil Lucas anything to say Apologies to everyone. Yeah. yeah yeah that's what we thought bitch I'm sorry what's up Dave for this yeah here come here Jay you do your it's over you're dead what happened Dave found a new bet and Jay then also found the new bet you thought at first it was great. I texted my commander this morning. Full letter of clarification.

Well, at first I thought it was anybody took my point. We know you got to win the game. Yes. You have to win the game. Yeah. Either team sit down, Brandon. Correct. So both teams get five point lead. You win. If it's five, nothing. And then the team trail is is 2015. It's over. Correct. Yeah

Dave Dave found a bet Go back to your mic check Dave Dave found a bet Dave found a bet and then was telling me about it and then like 20 minutes later I saw Che and he tweeted like, I found this incredible bet. So it's over. It's dead. I misunderstood the bet.

It's dead. I was telling people about this all morning. I was texting with the account manager to get letter of the law clarification on it. Yeah. All right. We're back. Sorry, everyone.

That sucked. A long one. That was a long one. Lucas is antiqued. Yeah. All right. So where were we? The big pencil. Yeah, I just we came to a conclusion. We didn't know we were not live. We came to a conclusion. Yeah, we'll do a

contingent that he can. He's gonna feel it out on Thursday. He's gonna fly with it and then we're gonna go Thursday. See what it feels like and that's all. But if it if it even kind of feels like it's risky, we're not doing it. Cuz it's fair. Fair. Yeah. All I wanted was a shot. Effort. Good face effort. That's all I wanted. I am not.

I just thought. I'm not trying to fuck with you here. I wanted a shot. Well, you are fucking. No. You are fucking with me. No. How are you not?

Because I'm saying that if it's not doable, I do not care. But why can't we just drop it and not do it? Because it's the big pencil. But that's not, that has a... Nick, say it again. What percent chance does that have of even getting on TV? The big pencil? Brandon, zero if you're doing it.

What is worst case scenario? They take my tickets forever and I never get to go to the match. How do you think you will be reimbursed by a big cat? I don't want to be reimbursed. But how do you actually... Would you like a 46 foot boat? How do you actually think they would take your tickets forever if you're walking into Augusta and a person says, hey, you can't bring that pencil in here. Are you the guy?

Oh, you must be the guy from Barstool that's been talking about this. Yeah, I wouldn't be shocked if some people already know. No way. And then you say, and then they say, you can't bring that pencil in here. And Joey says, oh, okay, my bad. I would throw it in the trash. I think it would be, you must be that guy from Barstool. They've been talking about it for a couple of weeks.

We're not having any of that crap here. Just get out. That's what I think. Just get out? They wouldn't kick you out. They just wouldn't let you in. Yeah. Ever.

Well, you'd go on Thursday with no big pencil. But how, during our break, I looked up what you're allowed to bring in and not bring in. It's very hard to tell. This is quite a gray area. It's not explicitly forbidden. Yeah, right. Right.

But so many things are forbidden. That's right. A lot of things are. Right. But you just feel it out on Thursday. I could ask a security guard on Thursday. Would love that. I would show a picture of the pencil.

Yeah, take a picture. I had a pencil about this size. How's it going to show a picture of the pencil? You say, hey, William. I'll have to get tattooed on. Right. I know it. Should I take a picture of the pencil? Yeah. I had a pencil about this size. Yeah, take a picture. How's it going to show a picture of the pencil? You say, hey, William. I'll have to get tattooed on. Oh, shit. Yeah. Like prison break.

No, print it out. No, no, no. We're going to print it out. No, we'll print it out. We'll take a picture. Print out the photo. Someone who, Connor, who's listening right now. Connor, print this picture out.

Hold on. All right, stand up. Stand up. Let's print it out two size. Cut it out. Brandon, let's do optical illusion so it looks like the real pencil. Look. There we go. And then he's going to size cut it out Brandon. Let's do a optical illusion, so it looks like the real pencil Look there we go, and then he's gonna print this picture out. You'll have it in your pocket

You say sir. I was thinking about bringing this pencil in tomorrow is that okay? Maybe a 3d printing Try that first I think that's a very kind way to do it. I don't anticipate getting kicked. I don't either. That sort of. I think it's I think there's no way polite inquiry. I think there's been big pencils in there before. Not trying to cause a ruckus. I'll be very respectful. Agreed. I don't want a ruckus called caused at all. At all. The big pencil in a confiscated bin would also go viral. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like

look at all the. Why this dude tried to bring in a big pencil? Yeah. It's a bunch of water bottles in a pencil. That might be better. Don't buddy know the rules? Yeah. No pencil. Why bro even try this?

Are we in a good spot? Yeah. I mean, I'll go to the Masters next year. I'll bring a big pencil, I guess, is what this isn't going to work. I'll, I'll, we'll, we'll give it a shot, but I'll make sure everyone feels comfortable with it. Yeah. Including Brandon. Yeah. It's going to be a nice trip to the Masters. There will be no stress involved. No stress. Yeah. It's going to be a nice trip to the Masters. There will be no stress involved. No stress. I don't want you to be stressed. You costing me my tickets to the Masters would be hilarious.

I'm not going to do that. I wouldn't laugh. I'm not going to do that. I would not laugh. I would not laugh. I don't want to be on their bad side either. I'm hoping this is the beginning of a great relationship between me and you're hoping to play in it at some point I would like to write for caddy at least right

You'll be fine, buddy. All right. Yeah, we're gonna go Thursday possible way Yeah, we're gonna go Thursday and then Friday. We'll do some groundwork by out. You'll bring a picture. All right Printed out picture the big pencil. You'll ask a nice. All right. A printed out picture of the big pencil. You'll ask a nice person, hey, out of curiosity, what about in this big pencil to take notes? Would you say no? To take notes? Yeah. Oh, well, you've got to bring it in.

You've got to bring it in. I have a gigantic notebook as well. No, it's got to be a tiny notebook. A tiny notebook. It's got to be a tiny notebook for it to really work. Yeah. I just want to keep my memories with this big pencil. That's it.

And then you'll go on TV. Then you'll go viral. Then we'll be billionaires. Brandon, you'll keep my memories. Yeah. With this big pencil. That's it. And then you'll go on TV. Then you'll go viral. Then we'll be billionaires. Brandon, you'll get a hefty raise. You get the merch bonus of the pencil. Oh, easily. All right. Well.

Don't you stress. I won't. I'll be good. And if you text me being like, hey, vibes are off, no big pencil, I'll be there. I'll have him text you, because you won't believe it. That's fine. I'll be.

I'm an honest broker. Yeah. I will not be like, oh, man, I can't because you won't believe it. That's fine. I'll be I'm an honest broker. Yeah, I will not be like, oh man, I can't believe you didn't do it. That's fine. No big pencil. Yeah. All right. Brandon, I see you fishing you put down the can you put down the club. You're making me nervous. Where is your euro club that you had to take home last week? That belongs to Tommy now. What? With Big Cat's pee still in it. You came from the piss club? Lucky boy. I poured the pee out to get it in the Jeep. To get it? It didn't fit in the Jeep with all the piss. And I was going to take it to my club

and do something this week. So I had it in the car. And me and Tommy were cleaning out the car because we were going to the club, and we needed room in the car. And he said, what's this? And I explained, I explained it to him and he just looked at me. So I pulled up the clip and then he's like, that's awesome. It now belongs to Tommy. That's awesome. So Tommy, your club is now Tommy. I'm not going to sit here and say I

have video of it, but he did pee in it and show it to his brothers. That's awesome. Hell yes. Firstly, he held the club up and said, to his brothers. That's awesome. Hell yes. Firstly, he held the club up and said, do you guys know what this is for? And they said to play golf and he goes, no. He turns around, does it. I think that. That's exactly what they want you to think.

He peed in front of them? Yeah. Alpha, that's what it's for. Yeah, love that. So Tommy now owns a Euro club. Does anyone have a big brother? I don't. No.

Yes, I do. OK. Do you remember the first time you saw his cock? Can you put that down? I don't have an explicit memory of that. You have to stop calling children's names cock. Yeah. I feel like big brother cock would be like a transcendent.

I was like interesting. Go. Thicker. Yeah. I feel like it has to be thicker. Well, dad cock is a key moment. Yeah. Well, they had more time to hang rings on that tree.

Yeah, you're right. There's thickening surgeries now from what my friend told me. Bam. Talk to this, Connor. Look at this, Joey. Real fast. Look at that. Frame that.

That's perfect. That's a nice piece right there. That's perfect. There it is, the big pencil. You just take it out of your pocket and be like, hey, just a question. Can I bring this pencil? Yeah. It's cool.

Any chance I can bring this? It's a good scale. Those are my height. I'm not a big man. I would love it if they took it and they're like, let's see. And they brought it back and measured it. Measured the pencil. It's going to be turned into a wanted sign in the Masters.

Do not bring in pencil. Brandon, are you eBaying right now? No. Yeah, you are. I'm not. You're buying a Braves jersey on eBay. No, I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not buying a Braves jersey on eBay. You're lowballing the guy. No. I saw some back and forth. No. Yeah, you are. The guy at the shop will message me every time he has something he said are you interested in this and I said sold that's all of that

yeah that's I can't help when he when he messages me I gotta be buying shit specifically for you I gotta buy be alert yes you got that Dan Marino piece uh-huh so you carrying in today my damn Reno I while we were talking broken yeah well the the technical difficulties, I have a Dan Marino piece. My friends got me this for my 40th birthday. It's Dan Marino's wedding day, which happens to be the day I was born.

Is that like the original photo? I don't know. Did you print it off? Because I don't know how you would even. I need to get him to sign it. That would be so cool. I don't know. I have been saying it's his first wife.

I think it's his only wife. But I've been saying it's his first wife. He feels like a multi-wife guy though, doesn't he? My dad does that to my mom calls her parties first wife. My first wife. Yeah Yeah, yeah always pisses her off She hasn't gotten used to it by now. She does but she still is like like come on Now I have to explain that I'm the only wife People don't funny. Yeah

still rocks I also I have to explain that I'm the only wife people though funny. Yeah rocks I also Brandon I admitted to Brandon on Saturday that a moment of weakness I Threw up from heat the Sun beat you Friday. Yeah. No kidding. I'll get you man. You where were you? I was in San Antonio for the live show. It was like 95 degrees. We did the live show. It was bright lights on us. I was sitting next to John Fanta, not blaming him, but he does emanate a lot of light and heat.

And got in the car to go back to the hotel. Got out of the car, five minute drive, got out of the car, puked all over the sidewalk. Yeah, crazy. Great heat, no booze, anything? Felt totally fine after, went to dinner after, felt fine. Wow. Not sick. Are youze, anything? Felt totally fine after. Went to dinner after. Felt fine.

Wow. Not sick. Are you a puke guy? I am a puke guy. Because you puked at Beer Olympics. I'm always, I love puking. I puke. I have no problem puking.

Yeah. But that has never happened to me. The heat. So I brand- I wonder if that's a new thing. Like maybe you've reached an age where you can't handle heat and you're just gonna start spewing. I don't know. Maybe also I was chugging water so that's a new thing. Like maybe you've reached an age where you can't handle heat. I don't know. You just start spewing. Maybe also I was chugging water, so that also didn't help.

Like I was so hot that I was just chugging water. No, but like drinking too much at once. Yeah. But yeah, Brandon, point Brandon. Well, I was worried about Augusta this week, but high temperature, 72 on Thursday. High temperature, 69 on Friday. So hopefully that'll be pretty good.

Where are you going to try to stand? I think I'm gonna feel it out. I think my first thing. Are you gonna talk to Joey at all? We'll probably stick around for a while. You guys are gonna separate? We don't know. It's all new to us.

You can't separate. Everything is new to them. Everything's new. Yeah, we really only talked on this show. Now we have a weekend together. I'm gonna follow his lead. It's his trip. Where are you gonna stay? Well, we really only talked on this show. Now we have a weekend together. I'm going to follow his lead. It's his trip. Where are you going to stay?

Well, we've been talking about that. We've got the flights. We've got the cars. We've got everything. We just don't have the hotel yet. Oh, that feels very important. It does. And has Brandon been ghosting you about this?

No. I've been involved the whole time. I didn't really know what was up until late last night, because I texted you. I was like, hey, whenever you until late last night because I texted you I was like hey whenever you know about hotel. I said Sunday night I'm gonna look at it. You said I'll look at it. I think it was Friday. I was like hey let me know on hotel and you're like I'm gonna look tonight and I didn't hear anything Saturday I sent you a link to a shuttle and you said hmm. Yeah. And that was it. And then I said just let me know when you have

a hotel and then I heard last night. Yeah. I'm I wasn. And then I said, just let me know when you have a hotel. And then I heard last night. Yeah. I'm, um. I wasn't sure if I was still going. Going to get to go. You're going. Hotels, so you could pay a super premium to stay in Augusta, which we're probably going to end up doing.

Or you could stay an hour or two hours out. I mean, don't do that. Right. I think we stay in. Are there hotel rooms available still? Yeah, but they're super premium. It's either really expensive or you pay a solid amount for a place that could be

a really miserable shit box. Yeah. That's what we're trying to do. Which is probably what we're going to do. I think that's the look, though. No rush. Yeah. Yeah, it's not coming up or anything.

Let me wait a few days. We'll be fine. Yeah. You think? What about a cute little Airbnb and you guys can really get to know each other, make each other a meal? Shut up, Tate. Are you guys going to get one hotel room?

I thought we were getting two. Two. OK, all right. Yeah, definitely. You should get one. Definite two. No, it's a two hotel room. Brandon's a beater.

Yeah. If we're staying in a hotel, who's not cranking? Everybody is in a hotel. I do it before the door shut. Oh, make sure the big pencil doesn't watch you beat. Oh, I don't want to be. You know, you got to tuck that away when when you're going. My pencil would be too intimidated by the size of my God. Yes. Yes. Very good point. But yeah, we're in like a shitty Econo Lodge vibe. You know, we need our own space, I think. I think that's fair.

Yeah. It's absolutely fair. Is Dave practicing mini golf? He is. We're allowed to this year. I think that's the- Oh, they changed it this year. Yeah, the course is ready.

And Brandon, are you in it this year? No. OK. Yeah. You're calling it, Nick? I believe so. KB, I called the- No, we're not on the same team.

We're not. There's two teams. We're on separate teams. We're not on the same team. We're not. There's two teams. We're on separate teams. We're the only Yak participants. Yeah. I'm very excited. How'd you do in the qualifier? Uh oh. Listen to this. What? You don't have to qualify. Do you? Oh, you got an auto bed. Yeah. Based on performance. Um yeah. Based on thumbnail. Sure. Uh huh. Yeah. They don't follow. I actually did finish top. You were good I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question.

Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, I think it's a good question. Yeah, You qualified. Somehow. I'm always jealous of people that get grandfathered into shit. Yeah. It is awesome. Like that one guy, who is the guy who didn't wear a helmet for the longest time for?

For what activity? For hockey? Yeah. He was the last guy. Also, there was one bar kicker. Bobby Nystrom? I have to. Was it?

That would be crazy if you got it, Che. On the islanders, Bobby Nystrom in the 80s? Why would he know that? I don't know. I don't think he's right, but if he is, Lucas, could you look it up, or is it going to break the whole system again? It's probably going to break. There was a man in the NHL who didn't wear a helmet.

Everyone else, well, they used to not wear helmets. With the puck and everything? You didn't know. Dude, goalies used to not wear face masks. Yeah, they didn't wear helmets. Then they wore the like Freddie Freddie versus Jason like tiny. Is this the Slapshot sport? Craig MacTavitt.

No helmet? So not right, Steven. Yeah, look, 96, 97, he was not wearing a helmet. Everyone else was wearing a helmet. It's too recent, I was alive for that. How's he doing now? Crazy. They just had the-

He was grandfathered in. He was literally the last guy that was not allowed. That's cool. I was thinking like the drinking age grandfather alone. That's cool. Yeah. I was thinking, like, the drinking age, grandfathering in would be cool. Yeah. Especially if you're the only one of your friends. What are you doing now, Brandon?

I'm just, I'm. Shopping. He's shopping. He's shopping. It's all he does. Free show. Shop. You're leaving early.

Like, give us. I got to do the dozen. I know. But so give it to us. You got it. Give us some. Give us some good stuff. Kate, you're Frenching again?

You've got some nervous energy, I don't know. Quit pointing me out. Should we cancel the big pencil? I would love it if you canceled the big pencil. I think this is something you've built up in your head, and you'll find out that big pencil is not that big a deal. The masters are pretty strict. I think you hang in the back of the security line,

you can see what security people are doing. We have a nice, calm inquiry plan. Hey, it's for a bit from a show. Could we bring it in just for a second? It's just funny you holding that picture. I don't even think you saved it. Wearing that out. Yeah.

No, I think you just say, I am trying to keep score. Can I bring my big player? Can I say this? They have scoreboards. There's not a fan there that needs to keep score. Can I bring my big guy? Can I say this? They have scoreboards. There's not a fan there that needs to keep score. Yeah, but the players keep score. They're playing. I know.

We wouldn't be hard to keep score as a fan. You're watching one hole. Right. We went to the Cubs game yesterday. Do they not keep the score on the scoreboard? We couldn't find the fucking score of the game. No scores there. I had to check on my phone.

Yeah. Did you guys get to see the goose? There was a goose? I'm pretty sure that's at Wrigley. There's a goose who's laid eggs in a bush at the top of the stadium. Really? To clear out a bunch of seats.

She has her own section. I didn't know that. I saw the big rabbit. Saw the big rabbit at the Giants game. Big rabbit at the Giants game rocked. How big? Huge. A service rabbit or a?

Massive rabbit. What, a therapy rabbit? I don't know. It's Huge. A service rabbit? Massive rabbit. A therapy rabbit? I don't know. Massive rabbit. Lucas, are you going to be able to pull up anything on this show? A rabbit? No chance. I'll do an ad while Lucas tries to pull up the big rabbit.

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Download the Game Time app. Create an account. Use code YAK for $20 off your first purchase game time love it sup love it did you really not say a word on the show on Friday oh it was it was impressive that's electric you believe that I didn't know what was happening I saw that on purpose what's he doing now I know what are you Thank you very much. Did you text him to walk in here and thank you? No. No, that was just a normal human interaction. Thanks, Blotman.

Okay. I was tired and couldn't go. Wonderful. What? Oh. Oh, did you? No, they came back last night when we were doing PM2. Whoa.

That rabbit. Whoa. Huge. Look at his little hat. They should get him. He needs a regular-sized hat. No, the small hat's great. It emphasizes the girth of the rabbit. Oh, my god.

I didn't think of it that way. Last night, Connor and Blutman came back from the Blackhawks game. And I was like, oh, where are you guys coming from? They're like, oh, Brandon gave us his Blackhawks sticker. So I was like, wait a second. I gave them to Brandon. That's right.

So I wanted to see if the thank you. Did they thank you? Waited till he was on air. They thanked me, and then I thanked you. Just now, yeah. Yeah. I didn't think you'd care. No, I don't care.

I just wanted to see how the thank yous went down. They should cut out the middleman, though. I'll probably just thank Big Cat, right? Probably should, but I'm the one that transferred the ticket. Well, I transferred them to you. Right, but I transferred them to Blutman. That's true. Blutman should thank me.

For the transfer. It's my responsibility to thank you. That's fair, that's fair. Thank you for your seats yesterday, big cat. Yeah, those are good seats, huh? Good seats. Fernando Tatis is big. I got screwed, I went to the game, I brought my kids,

and it was, what was the first inning, 50 minutes? Yeah, there was so many walks. Two box in a row. Usually I can get my kids to stay for like five or six innings, we had no chance. What was the first inning? 50 minutes? Yeah. So many walks. Two box in a row. Usually I can get my kids to stay for like five or six innings. We had no chance. The first time I've had hand-me-down peanuts that you left in the cup holder.

Yeah. Yeah. You have your own cup holder? You've never had hand-me-down peanuts? Never had hand-me-down peanuts. What? Everyone has cup holders. Kyle, that's almost the bare minimum. What?

You think a cup holder is the level of fancy? Damn, you are rich. Alright, man. Doesn't have his name on it. I was impressed. Do you think the cup holder is like a man? Are you finished with your coke, Dan? I sit down and they're like, sir, your cup holder? They install it every time?

I don't want anyone else using this cup holder. Shit. Okay. Good question. It was a good question. You guys see the Rizler throwing out the first pitch? How'd he do? Good, but he was just so short.

Oh, no, no, he didn't do good. He made a bad throw, but the jerseys ridiculous. Him coming out. Why can't they even were to kill him coming out Why can't they even try to get him a shirt that fits? I don't know if you can find the clip of him Just walking out. He's just so funny his fame hinges on his proportions, correct So we can't get I think they're gonna wider or not taller. We're super hot I think his hand grows gets really hot you think they are the handler's gonna block his growth Yeah, they're gonna make him be squatting sturdy forever. Do you think it's how like Japan grows those square watermelons?

Still famous if he retains this yep, how's the hoodie that long? the the the the the the the the Yeah. All right, I guess that's a problem. I think they dropped another track. They did with the Costco guys. Kind of.

Well, of course. I mean, that's the, that's the, what a twist. Has he? Yeah. What an episode. I don't know if the Rizzer can do a solo track. Has he passed them up completely? It feels like he's gotten bigger,

and they've kind of stayed the same. Yeah. He's the Justin Timberlake of their NSYNC. It feels like it. It feels like they've kind of stagnated a little bit. I don't hear as much don't hear much anymore. Yeah Which is maybe good. This song was self-aware right was like about brain rot Internet or no, did I oh, I don't know. I don't know if they've you might see the Rizzler track yet

Kate they caught the lime scooter guy the ass smacker the There's a yacker who works for the scooter company who's like, I think we found him. No way. Deactivated his account. Oh, so then he'll for sure stop grabbing ass. I thought I was just going to walk. That's only going to make him angry.

I didn't want to put this guy in a bad spot. I wanted to be like, send it. Tell me what it is. There also is legitimately like five other different scooter brands. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to buy his own.

Felt like some kind of. Some progress. He'll at least be mildly annoyed. You basically put sanctions on him. Yeah. Yeah. Put a tariff on his scooter. He's got to go to a different.

Yeah. He's got to find another way to grab ass. The old fashioned way. Yeah. Just running around. On foot. Maybe get wheelies or something. I don't know how we're just again Kate you're Frenching again you announced that to us during

the break and I think that's a big deal so BEEV is nine months off SIGS mm-hmm so he has he's fresh tongue and fresh tongue Wow yep initiated what it might have been me really was back wait might have been me. Really? We're back. Wait. We're back. It happened once or it's happened multiple times? Just once.

This morning. This morning? I don't know if you're back. This morning. Whoa. I'm morning Frenching. How long did you French for? Post-tea brush?

The lady never tells. Well, no, you told us. You already told us. Literally. It was an exciting development. We've been in a drought. So you guys was this French for sex? It was just a quick French and run.

In the kitchen? A French and run? Hallway. Hallway French. Who initiated? I called him. What? And he said meet me in the hallway?

He was downstairs, and I was all the way upstairs. You called him and said what I said come upstairs He said what do you need I said oh? And I hung up and I waited to see if he would actually come upstairs, and he did then we French Oh, hey, this is really fucking hot Some up against the wall like we're back Give him an ass pad on yeah, yeah, oh yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, and what what did he say? Did he whisper? Thank you in your ear? That was so delicious

Anyway, is this all you needed? Yeah And I was a little something very important Kids are cooking on the stove Good for you. Thank you. Yep. I hate that Lucas did this to us. I always feel weird energy whenever we have to stop for like 10 minutes on a Monday too. I don't know how we restart. I would like to see what happens when the audio goes out. What do you mean? What needs to be done? Is it cut and dry do they know what they have to do or they have to like?

It's never cut and tinker with wires and button right and it's always like a spark when it goes out so like give me Yeah, like for it to go out means something different had to have happened right So what's the first thing you do when you notice the audios out? What max is it a button? Is it a computer thing? Is it wires? When Max trudges in here and says, you guys aren't talking to anyone. I call the control room.

That's the first thing I do. And what are they doing? I couldn't tell you. They check audio levels on our TriCaster here, our soundboard where Zah's working on. They check... There's multiple different points you have to check before it gets out to people on YouTube and they check all of those and when none of those help. It's a lot of work. Yeah. So Stefan was a Draft King. So so Doug did it.

Yeah. Then Pete came in here and helped out. Oh, I had dinner with Pete on Friday. Yeah. You said there was a lot of drink so much come. Yeah. Subtle or crazy. Oh, you just order and come. Oh my god. Like how many rounds of come? They order you guys some come or just before we even ordering cum. Oh my god. Like, how many rounds of cum? They order you guys some cum or just that? Before we even sat down, he's like, hey, can you make sure that we have some cum? And then we got empanadas with a side of cum.

He did like an au jus, didn't he? Yeah, he did a flight. He did a cum flight. Cum flight. Cum flight. No, it was actually a nice dinner. It's like the one time a year I go and I'm friends with Pete. It was a good time.

Did he laugh? He chuckled a couple times. He here right now? He smiles more during the dinner. Yeah, he smiled. I got dinner with Mincy and Mook. Oh, yeah, hot pot. We pivoted from hot pot because it was going

to take an hour to get down there. What made you do that? Not the Mook part, the Mincy part. Asked him. He's a guy to go to dinner with. It was it was a fucking blast. Really? Yes. What are you talking about? It's everything pertaining to him. And it was it was fun.

What did you go with instead of hot pot ribs? Oh, he must have got a messy. That's the only way. It's sauceless. What? He's watching his sugar. No sugar. Oh. How are ribs sauce-less? Was it good? I get it.

It looked like something from the Flintstones. But he liked it. It was fun. I would recommend going to dinner with Mince. Love that. Yeah. I'm not going to. Don't.

He wouldn't want you. Yeah. You'd bring it down. Yeah, I was. No, it wasn't bad. We had a nice time at the game. We hit the batting cage before. I've never sluggers. We went to sluggers. Um, he got hit by a pitch. The machine hit me. Oh yeah. Sluggers has a little that that batting. Yeah, that'll happen. Yeah, it hit him square in the back. I wore it though. I saw it coming in I wasn't gonna back off the fucking plate dude. I stick to my morals

You hit some things. Did you email it later? I did I I did yeah, that's awesome I had a nice time in there although the fast machine was actually pretty hard to hit off of because it's very erratic Yeah, so it'll go up and in and then low and away and then bounce one. It's like actually it's difficult Yeah, it's a very fun concept to have drunk people getting into a batting cage. And they're all like, you have to wear a helmet. I wore a helmet the first time I got out. They were all making fun of me.

They were like, no one wears the helmet. I didn't realize that. And then I looked around, and there were like three-year-olds hitting without a helmet. And I was like, all right, I'm a bitch. But it's a good thing I wore it, because I got thrown at. Yeah. I've never seen anything like it.

And you can select the speed. Yeah. What did you go with? Well, it was depending on what was available to us. So I started medium, but then I got into the fast cage. Which is like 70, 80? Probably 70. Yeah, that's fast.

It's intimidating. It gives you a real idea of I would never, ever try and hit a professional baseball pitch It's really intimidating I Never played anything best people I mentioned on PMT, but someone had a Perfect tweet that said Paul skeens looks like someone tried to draw Josh Allen from memory yeah you know what I was really funny like yeah he did that like hot GQ photos yeah loved it he also kind of underrated might be very funny yeah the person yeah that again

Lucas is not real funny be able to find anything. When he was, Libby Dunn was like, what's your favorite thing about me? Lucas will pull up the picture of him and Paul Skans. Yeah. Yeah. This is going to be fun. Yeah, he said, yeah, you're.

When is TJ back? Wednesday. Is this the new Verlander Kate Upton? Do we get one picture hot chick every decade? Yeah, that's a good point. Maybe we'll get to see his cock as well. Yeah. That was the point.

Oh, yeah, we did. Yeah. Yeah, we did. What was that? We saw his cock. We saw his ass, didn't we? I don't remember. We saw a lot.

I don't totally remember. There was a lot of files. We saw his puddle. Yeah, we did see his puddle. Yeah. I don't remember seeing his puddle. I don't remember any of this. Oh, I remember seeing the puddle.

I remember seeing her. Are they still together? That was with the puddle. I don't remember seeing this puddle. I don't remember any of this. I remember seeing the puddle. They're married. He's on the Giants now. Big Rabbit. That's what you call him. Start calling him the Big Rabbit. Maybe we just have to keep bringing up things Lucas has already pulled up.

Back to the Big Rabbit. It's the Big Rabbit, Lucas. That's just not an easy video to find. Well, guys, I've seen the show before. You guys give TJ plenty of time to look stuff up. But when it's not really like the fight, TJ is pretty good at pulling stuff. All scenes. GQ interview. Look, I literally found it in with GQ interview. I literally found it in two seconds. Great. DM is TJ. Two seconds. Why do you have a TJ? I mean, you're just sitting

there looking at your phone. That's fine. I'm doing a million other things here. TJ's Twitter account is open. That's the this is a main board. She's a spicy one. Sassy. Little sassy. He's very sassy. I love the producer flexible. I have seen the show before. There you go, Lucas. There you go, Lucas. Where did we first meet?

In Mississippi. You barely wanted to give me a hug, but then after that we had a good time. We had a great time. Easy question. What's my favorite thing about you? Your favorite thing about me? My personality. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess so.

No. That was hot. That was hot. Yeah, I fucking guess. I guess so. That's a banger. He walked the line perfectly. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Yes. Might be funny. He might be. All skeins might be funny. Yeah, he's a little. Yes. It might be funny. He might be. All skeins might be funny. Yeah, he's a little coming out party with that GQ.

He looked hot. He wants off. That rabbit was really big. It was a huge rabbit. Imagine if it had a big pencil. A big rabbit with a big pencil? Yeah. I think you can't really improve the big rabbit

or the big pencil. I don't think sticking them together makes that big of a difference. Oh, I disagree. I agree. Yeah, I mean, why't really improve the big rabbit or the big pencil. I don't think sticking them together makes that big of a difference. Oh, I disagree. I agree. Yeah, I mean, why would a rabbit have a pencil? I would love that. Because wouldn't that be silly?

Yeah. Yeah. Put it behind its ear? That would be cute. Sometimes you just can't mesh two superstars, though. Yeah, that's true. I think he'd like nibbling it. He'd probably love to nibble on big pencil. I might choke on the

lid. I'm surprised you don't have a rabbit hutch in the backyard. Yeah, you do seem like a rabbit guy. What do y'all think the worm farm was? Rabbits? A worm farm? What the fuck? What do you guys think this different thing was? This is where y'all don't listen to me. I always said my grandfather had two separate businesses. He had a rabbit business where he was selling rabbits, and he had a worm farm. The rabbits would be in cages up here.

They'd shit and fertilize the worms. Oh. Yeah. Apologies. And it was a cycling business. Did you ever tell us that you had a rabbit? Every every time I told you about the worm farm I also told you about the accompanying right then apologies why rabbits do they have better shit for that I guess I don't know they should a lot well I think they

fuck they fuck a lot there's a constant supply of new bunnies and then the little pellets right yeah yeah do they along? I think they did fine. The rabbits and worms? I guess they never co-existed. They never raced? I don't remember them racing. Little Aesop sequel. Oh, yeah.

I don't even know how you could race a worm. The worm's instinct is to go underground. Would that story ever be memorable for kids if it was a rabbit versus a worm? I think it would have the same effect. You think so? No way. Tortoise in the hair being the worm in the hair?

I don't think you can assign a personality to a worm. I think people root against worms, too. Yeah. It'd be hard for that to be the moral center of a bad stigma. Well, they're just mini snakes. We were watching last week. Turtles are faster than we all thought, too. Yeah.

Yeah. Some are, yeah. They just can't go the right direction. Do you guys have to dissect the worm? Oh yes. Oh yes. And it creeps you out because there's way more stuff in there than you thought. It shouldn't have that carousel of organs that humans do.

Yeah, I had more trouble with the worm than like the crayfish. We had to do cat. Yeah, same. You had to do cat. I never graduated to cat. We did cat and Mr. Wisecurt. Or Mrs. Loafman. We did worm and then frog. You did cat. I never graduated to cat. We did cat and Mr. Wisecurt. Or Mrs. Loafman. We did worm and then frog.

Loafman. Remember she made us watch her surgery? Yeah, I didn't like that. In slow-mo? She had a hysterectomy. Her surgery? Yeah, she made us watch her surgery in class. Watching her getting dug into.

Oh, I hated that. It was a full-blown, like a real deep surgery. No. No. I mean, that's not too hard to believe Either way She just rolled in the TV and her husband was like a marine biologist doing crayfish shit in the creek mm-hmm So you guys were happy when you saw the TV wrong and things move and we watched I was expecting osmosis Jones

You got Mrs. Lowe we got Mrs. Lowe's lower back it cut into I Wonder if anybody else remember yeah people have to People have to All right laser disc a lot But there was like a it wasn't even a DVD it was pre DVD it was like a record It was like five times the size of a DVD. Yeah, they basically that was the technology that DVDs became but they also Those were technology for like three months. Yes, I did not have a long run. Yeah. It was just it was a giant DVD. Are you thinking of VHS? No. I'm sorry. I think about a giant DVD. It looked like a CD. Like it was like a record. Yeah. Oh, it was a CD the size

of the same page. It was before they made DVDs. They were laserdiscs. And Brandon's right. It was maybe six months. And then they're like, what if we made this smaller? Yeah. They never thought to. Look at those. Look at how big those things are. That would go with the big pencil. Yeah. Oh, there they are down there compared to the others. Yeah, they just figured it out very quickly.

Was this like the 90s? Yeah, probably, I'm going to say, 94? Yeah, somewhere around there. It gave me like a beautiful feeling of nostalgia just seeing a disc again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, somewhere around there. It gave me like a beautiful feeling of nostalgia just seeing a disc again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, DVDs did run.

You have the big folder. Is the save button on computers still a floppy disc? Oh, yeah. Is this one of those questions you know the answer to? Not a clue. Okay. The floppy disc was invented. Yeah, you're gonna do that.

No, no, no. Don't know. I miss getting in the car and having your CD right by your visor. Or my old, old car had the sick CD changer. That was fucking... That was like some pinball rag shit. But did you have to refill it in the trunk? Yeah. Yes. Yes.

So I had no doubt in there forever. Remember in high school, everybody was getting sound systems put in their shithole cars? Yeah. You took off the faceplate of it. Yeah. I think that still might be happening. Think so?

Well, yeah, I guess sound systems, we'll do them. Maybe you don't need an entire trunk for speakers, but I feel like they're probably still slapping in Honda Accords. Yeah. I had that one fella on Fella Friday. That was his thing. Oh, that's right.

They have contests, like championships, to see whose car is the loudest. And they sit in their car, and it's so loud that their hair is like, brrrr. Oh, speaking of fella, did you guys see? He's probably not a fella, but the guy who kicks the door dash? No. Oh, do tell.

Oh my god. What's he? Violently? This guy is awesome. Kicks the door dash. Give. Oh, do tell. Oh my god. What's he violently? This guy is awesome. Kicks the door dash. Yeah, Lucas 15. What? All right, hold on. He gets door dash delivered, and then he kicks the meal.

And then he offers the people money, and then he tells them I have four bodies in my basement. Please don't say anything. And they're awesome videos. I've not seen this at all. Yeah. Hold on. I guess he was and he calls it a prank, which I don't really understand the prank part. Yes, just kind of like mean to deliver to this guy.

Yeah. Well, someone do the Mando read while I while I find it and send it to you, Lucas. I'm doing it to T.J. Mando, the whole body deodorant safe to use anywhere on your body, pits, balls, thigh folds, belly buttons, butt cracks, feet, any part of your body you can think of. It's created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated. It's clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours. Choose from a variety of fresh scents like bourbon leather, clover woods, Mount Fuji or Pro Sport. Mando's Starter Pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your

choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. And as a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Star starter pack with our exclusive code that equates to over 40% off your starter pack use code wheel At shop Amanda calm shop man do calm Please support our show and tell them we sent you smell fresher stay dryer and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando Love it. All right, I sent it to Lucas. Hopefully that worked So they just like put the delivery driver in a moral dilemma yeah but the delivery driver always like yeah I'm gonna say shit yeah right yeah not dying for this body in your basement over just take the Oh, oh, oh, oh, did you give them a lot of cash? Here's some money

Yeah handed to the man Yeah, and then there's some more and then. I got this. Oh, fuck. Oh, OK. That makes up for it. Oh, hey, there's four bodies underneath my house. OK. Keep that hush.

I'll keep that hush. Yeah, I'll keep that hush. Yeah, I always get keep that. I'll keep that I always get double dash. Yeah, you always get double. Well, another one. It's just I don't know if he does anything else but this is what he does. Suspicious. It's a it's a it's

a fine line. I almost hated him. I'll be honest. Not great. Yeah. He always says bad but not great when they ask how he's doing When you get double-dashed I'm not gonna do this one, but you got this thing and then But you a do you know where my handy dandy is But watch watch Look I'm gonna give you a prize, but you gotta promise to keep a secret. I cannot miss this. Okay. Yes!

That was f***ing awesome. If he wasn't on board with it. I got four bodies underneath my house. I'm not gonna tell anybody. Oh well, I can't take it with me Drivers are cool That guy, the drivers are cooler. Yeah, the drivers hate us. Loser time. I lame time, I think.

No, it's weird. Those are his boys. You think so? Oh. Maybe not. Damn. You might be right, Kyle. They look like they'd be that guy's boys.

Unless he, I saw like a Latina woman. Maybe, maybe not. See if there's a Latina woman. Yeah, they can't, yeah, you can't be boys with her. Oh, ah! Think I could get you a number. Oh, sorry. No number?

Wow, that's a tough no. Why? No English, numero? Estas, estas bonita. No, it's, if you show hundreds of dollars and she says no. Oh, she's gonna give you a door dash. Okay, you have a good day. I have door. Oh, she's not even a door dasher. Okay, you have a good day.

I have door dash. What's that? I have door dash. Oh, you have door dash? Oh, you're too pretty to be door dashing. Come on, let me show you. All right, I don't know if I like this guy anymore. Yeah, he might be a creep.

A lot of the prank guys end up being creeps. Yeah. Did you see the guy who just got arrested in the Philippines? Yeah, yeah, he's been a pranker forever. Yeah, Vitaly or whatever. Oh, Vitaly. He started trying to prank, like, he's been a pranker forever. Yeah, Vitaly or whatever. Oh, Vitaly. He started trying to prank, like, Filipino police officers. And they arrested him.

And they're like, you're not getting extradited. You have to go through a Filipino. Holy shit. What was he doing to prank him? He was causing public panic and oh. He was doing a lot of ruckus-ing. He tried to, like, he went up to a cop and he asked him if he could put a banana in his ass.

And then he hopped on his motorcycle and, like,'t do that like run away. That seems like a bad idea Yeah, the Philippines don't mess around either. Yeah, I don't know if you did enough research No, I don't think he did. Yeah, but he's like in his 40s. Is he not? Oh god He should just be in jail in the Philippines BRWF me Bitch, I'm with Frank. Is that it? Maybe.

Could be. He's stuck in an endless cycle. I loved that Frank Mikey Betts video. Oh, my god. Did we talk about that? No. It was so good. They were just screaming at each other.

Years of suppressing. The whole cave was watching Allow Me to Be Frank as it was live. Oh, you got to see it live. Yeah, it was a standing room only. Oh, that's awesome. What, Stephen? You were looking at me. Curious like. No.

Stephen, you never texted me back. Well, yeah, you did. Never mind. Sorry. He said he was going to see the Minecraft movie. He gave it an 8.6. Said he would text me back later. He texted me back that it was awesome.

Any other thoughts on it? One of the coolest movie going experiences I've had. Really? I don't know what to do with that information. Did you join in on that craze? What's the craze? Can you explain it to me? There is one of the characters, I'm blanking on his name,

something to do with something ducky or something. And when he comes on screen, apparently everyone in the movie theater, all the kids go nuts. Chicken jockey. And they go nuts, and they throw their popcorn in the air. And now movie theaters have been calling cops on those people to get them out of the movies. And to prevent it from happening.

There are two moments in the movies. One of them is the chicken jockey, and then one of them is just Jack Black saying his name in the movie. He just goes, I am Steve. And there were probably 150 people in the theater that I saw it, and 100 of them knew that line, knew when it was coming, yelled it out, and then stood

and cheered and applauded. Were they adults? No, all kids, all kids. So teens teens and under do they know this because of the Minecraft game? No idea I don't know anything about my that's crazy. It was awesome. It was very My carford you just know. Nope. Just you go with your kids. I brought both my kids. Yeah But they were into it. It was marketed pretty heavily to kids. So like on all the But they were into it. It was marketed pretty heavily to kids, so like on all the things that they watch. And Stephen Chan.

And McDonald's has like a Minecraft meal and stuff like that. Is it your best, highest rated movie of the year? No. I liked Black Bag better. Death. It was a little bit better than Death of a Unicorn from an experience. I think going to the actual theater helped the rating for sure. But it was really enjoyable.

It was much better than I thought. OK. OK. I don't really know what to say. Yeah. I know Brandon's kids are into the game. Yeah, I'm going to have to take them this weekend. I think, yeah, if you're a parent, I think it's a cool.

Get ready for the I am Steve's line. Yeah, I'm sure they'll be ready. There are clips online. And Blotman was showing me, like, there are people take their phone like adults I guess took their phones out and like knew it was kind of I don't know how but Would that get us a strike? Okay, do you enjoyed the movie or you thought it was a fun experience?

Both it wasn't as good as Super Mario Brothers, but it was like like Brandon really like Sonic and I like Sonic 2 it was Equal yeah, well like Sonic as well. It was it was kind of on that level of like Sonic 2. It was, um, I like Sonic as well. Wait, you like Sonic? The sequel? Yeah, what? I like Sonic as well. It was kind of on that level of... Well, Sonic 2 was also good. Yeah. Is Wild Robot your highest rated animated movie, Steven?

Probably, that was very good. I'm excited this weekend. I'm gonna go get my birthday Sonic. Oh yeah! Oh! Yeah, that's right! Birthday! Sonic's about 45 minutes away from the house here, so I'm going. Oh, you're also getting... Going once a year. You're gonna blow job this weekend. Yeah, that's right. I go Sonic's about 45 minutes away from the house here.

So I'm going once a year. You're going to blow job this weekend. Yeah, probably. Oh, Joey. Hey. Hey. Got to earn these tickets somehow, dude. Hell yes, bro.

I didn't get into a gusto voice. I didn't know you had it like that. We had to back channel. But you know, I'm willing to do what it takes. That would be so funny. One day it was like, how was the master's good? Joey sucks a fucking mean dick. Do you think you'd be good?

No. Please. I think I'd be great. One of the all-time greats. One of the biggest what-ifs. Really? It's up there with like if LeBron played soccer. I know you could.

I know everything to do. Come on. I'd be good. We'd all be good. Everyone knows it. I would try really hard. I know you would. And that's all you can really ask for.

Yeah. Be fantastic. You can't be too good. Why not? I don't want to come via blow job. I don't want to come yet. Stop. Stop.

Yeah, it is kind of a double edged sword. If you're so good at, you know, sucking dong you might not get your box pounded. Yeah. Poor girl. I don't know. So they might leave a little bit on the table. Elegantly po.

I bet you they're not sure. Next time tell her to try harder this weekend, Brandon. Yeah. All right. You'll do that, but not the best. I've got nothing to add, yeah. I know you're not trying as hard as you can, because you want pounded.

Yeah, you want to get that box pounded, don't you? I know you want pounded. You're leaving something on the table now. How hot does that make women, Kate, when you say, like, hey, you want me to pound that box? Boy, oh, boy. You're not doing good enough down there. What are you afraid of?

I won't be able to pound you? I'm going to fucking, I'm going to. Oh, my God. Fuck out of that box. I'm going to go 12 rounds. Heavy bag. I know I wouldn't be good. Yeah you would.

You're a pleaser. You would definitely be good. You'd probably do ass play too. You'd put a finger up there. You know you would. It's uncomfortable. You know you would. What are we doing? It's uncomfortable to have on this. Also, those glasses? Yeah, you think so?

You would let them finish on those glasses. Yeah. Would they fog up down there? Good question. What if you had to put on Rex specs? Yeah. Suck dick. Dick's like, hold on a second.

Puts on a headband and some Rex specs looking like a Kurt Rambis. Yeah. Time to dick. Dick's like, hold on a second, puts on a headband and some Rex specs looking like a Kurt Rambis. Yeah. Time to go to work. James Rourke, they can suck a mean dick. Put on the rib Hamilton face shield. Ready to get sprayed on. I broke my nose last time.

I want to be careful. Yeah, this is a fun conversation. This is a fun conversation. Have you ever broken their nose going down too fast? That's a good question. Lucas? Yep. Lucas, by the way, outed himself this weekend of being...

How old are you, Lucas? 23. Oh, wow. Oh, you're young. I thought you were 26. He's very young. Tate was like, I don't have furniture. It's getting delivered. It's going to take a month take a month and Lucas like a month for furniture. Yeah, that's quick

If you get like real furniture, yeah Unless it's like wayfarer Looks like such an idiot Lucas. Are you stealing chairs from the office or something? Am I what weren't you? Didn't you take furniture from here? No Weren't you didn't you take furniture from here? No Lucas you're very young it is acceptable to be absolutely dogshit at your job at this age. Mm-hmm So I'm not so thanks I'm above the biggest apologies Lucas Lucas. What are you guys doing tomorrow night? We're doing mini golf hole-in-one

Tate's got a video coming out later, but Max, Hank, and Che are all going to be a part of it. Whoa. And? Like they all have to get it? Yes. 18 holes in one? It's going to be two on two. It's called the Four Nations. It's Tate and Hank versus Che and Max, and they're going one on one on each of the holes. Loser of the hole has to do a pink Whitney shot. Oh. Oh, Che, wait, are you back to drinking, Che? It's gotta be. Rumor has it.

Che, you can answer the question. Do you think his face is doing the job right now? Tune in tomorrow. Tune in tomorrow. And Lucas, your birthday's coming up, right? Yes it is. And what are they doing special for your birthday? Uh, the week of my birthday we're doing the Rolls Reverse stream where I'm just getting tortured.

I would like to be here for that. There's an all hands on deck meeting of everybody in the company for ways to torture Lucas. I love that. Yeah, Tate's gonna book the conference room and anyone that wants to. I have some ideas. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. That's going to be. Che, do we need if you're drinking, are we going to have EMT? I have a little.

Oh, there he is. Come here, Pete. What are you doing? They just cut to me and you can't I Fit but now I can do any KJ myself whenever I want You mean your heart rate? Yeah Peek is that the last time you drank Steve the hospital visit Day before yeah, Steven had a fake heart attack. Oh nice. Yeah, we did the case race and then he checked himself into the hospital and he's like I Oh, nice. Yeah, we did the case race and then he checked himself into the hospital and he's like I

I'm like I feel like shit. I'm having anxiety Yeah, you had 20 beers last. Yeah, that'll do it. I didn't want to go to the hospital I went to the doctor and they told me to go to the emergency. Well, you know doctor, you know, okay Well, my heart was being weird Doctor probably has to legally tell you to do that after you drank 20 beers Yeah, and they basically were just, yeah, you're hungover. Yeah, doctors don't really understand drinking culture at all. I'm embarrassed when they ask how many.

If you say like five a week, they're like, whoa. Yeah. One percentile. I told you guys this. I got reverse embarrassed when I saw the doctor. Because I was like, how much do you drink? I was like, I don't. And then he looked at me.

I was like, but I used to how much you drink? I was like, I don't. And then he looked at me. I was like, but I used to. OK. I used to a lot. I was like, dude, I used to do drugs. I used to do all this. He was like, OK. You're like, I'm not a pussy, dude. I just wanted to be clear.

Yeah, just so we're clear right now. I don't drink, but I do. If you had a line of cocaine, I'd fucking do it. So don't fucking look at me like that, doc. Pete, what happened to the show today? We're trying to we're not coming at you hard. Yeah I gotta figure it out. We're trying to understand because we're stupid. The show goes down. We sit here. We're like plug it back in. What exactly goes wrong. I don't know. Okay. I got a call. Good stuff. No I

got a call. Come in and we had it fixed in like two minutes. All right, you see the sound cuts out. What's the first thing you look for on the board? I started with the input on the switcher. No sound, stuck. Then I went over to the audio board to see if audio was coming out of that. It was.

Yep. And then I went back to the switcher switch source and We got it back would this have happened if TJ was here Tough to say tough to say probably not did you have a has happened when TJ's here? Yeah, but it gets fixed a lot quicker. Okay. Did you have fun at dinner? It was fine. What's what? He said it was a great time. He asked if I have fun. It's like it's dinner like we were. Did you enjoy

yourself? Yeah. That was really mean. Yeah, that was. What do you mean? I thought we even exchanged a text after saying that was fun. You it felt like you've talked about how like you have an interview before they even walk out. You're like, hey, that was great. Thanks. Like it was awesome. No matter what, it felt very much like that. What? Like, oh, great. Yeah. Basically like, oh, let me just do that every time you have a dinner. You have, I, I said, had a really fun time tonight, Pete. Hope we can do it again. Sometimes I said, thanks for inviting me. Had a great time looking

forward to the next time. Was that a lie? Um, lies's probably not the way to go. You didn't have a great time? I was just being friendly. Oh, you know it's bad. Look at Kate's face. I thought we had a great time. I'm disappointed in you. It's not like I... That's mean.

A lie would... What's mean? Did you have a great time? Look at his face. No, what's mean? Look at him. You saying it was great and now just saying it was fine. Fine.

You won't even say you had fun. It was a dinner. It was the highlight of my trip. That's bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just saying it was fine. It was fine. You don't even say you had fun. It was a dinner. It was the highlight of my trip.

That's a lie. It was a 24-hour trip. We're talking about lying? What would the other highlight have been? Work. Yeah, like anything? No. I puked after the first show.

Hanging out with Fanta. Second show, we were just like, let's get out of here. Like? Dinner with Pete was the best part. And it wasn't dinner with Pete. It was Mike and Dan and Austin. Yeah. But it was me and you sitting next to each other. Yeah. I even drink come with you. Well, you drink it alone. Was the San Antonio. I'm actually lying. I did not drink any of the come on. He drink all of it. You drank. You held all

the hard to the restaurants don't serve that that they that one did no snuck come in the chef came out and he was like I am all out of come he was like he was like like Ray and it's awesome I didn't have had any I had a great time. A great time? Yeah, we talked. It was after work. That just feels good. That's when you have fun after work. All you gotta do is say, yeah, I had a good time too. But it wasn't actually great.

It was a great meal. But now you're saying it was a lie. I shared my entree with you? Have you thought about dinner since the dinner? This guy orders like crazy. Yeah, I do order like crazy. I ordered everything. Give me this one. No, no, give me that one. You know what? Just give me that one, too. Sounds really fun.

Make that one a side to that one. I take pride in being a guy who will order a lot for the table because sometimes people get shy. They don't speak up. And I was like, this is a new place. We've never been. We'll probably never come again. Well, no, Pete, he'll go back for the come. And I was like, let's just try everything.

That was great. Great food. It was great. Was it a great time? Did you have a great time? And be honest, a great time? Why do you keep asking the question? You're saying that dinner doesn't qualify as an activity that could lead to a great time? I suppose I suppose it could. But but an after that one after work dinner is like... So that's too business-like for a point. Work is done now. We let loose.

But work's not done. We had to be back. We had the next show the next day. But it was like, we don't spend time together like that. We do every now and then. It was nice. It was great. It was fun.

And then you're just, pff, fine. Hurts. Was it a good time? I could... It was nice, it was great, it was fun, and then you're just fine. Hurts. Was it a good time? I could say good time. If you really had to think about it. It was a very good restaurant. You could stretch it.

It was very good. It was excellent. So that would right there make the bar as like a good time. How was the banter? It was fine. Were you laughing? We weren't like telling stories.

It was just like a little bit of... How many other people were there? Oh, we laughed. I'm sure we laughed. We laughed when Mike told us that Nadu doesn't think he can go to Staten Island because the Gambino's have a hit out on him. And then I said it would be really funny if he crossed the bridge and got fucking shot in the head.

It was like, damn, I knew this was happening. That was funny. Did you laugh at that? Have you thought about that dinner since you left the restaurant? I have. I thought about the food. OK. And the company.

Well, what did you have, Pete? It was like a Mexican risotto type rice with chicken. And then he had some of mine, which was very good. Yeah, the empanadas were fantastic, also. So good. Yeah, he went for second. That's the baseline for a great time. Empanadas?

Yeah. Yeah, he actually went. He kind of hogged them. No, I think we all took over the empanadas. He took the last one. Maybe. Yep, I know. I've noted it.

All still just fine. Yeah. What do you categorize as a great time at your age and your profession? Okay, bye Brandon. See you Brandon. Good luck. If you need to phone a friend, let me know. Yeah, I don't know. Like we said. Vacation only? When's the last time you got home and you were like, that fucking ruled. You were like pumped like that. The one time we went to Minneapolis, you got drunk and we pulled. No, I was out too late. Out too late doesn't qualify as a great time. I saw him smile. Yeah. Going to sport mode. Come on. I can't. No, that was I was out too late as those like out too late

Yeah, go to sport mode like do you I can't I got long johns on You're wearing long Can we see sport mode with long johns no, I'm wearing long johns to what Lucas you're fucking it's cold. I have to I like Lucas. I'll say it. I'll be love Who doesn't who here doesn't like Lucas? I didn't realize he was like a co-ed. Yeah So Lucas doesn't like Lucas. He raised his hand. Yeah Lucas you did you need to have your your girl No, I don't mean in a bad way

He's a he's got a girl's body. That's not true. You're what, like 120 pounds? 155. Oh, OK. Maybe you're a hefty girl. He's a big girl. It's hard to believe that he's a fat girl. Yeah. He is.

Obese girl, yeah. You're like close to being like a DH in softball. Not at all. Okay. Yeah, you need long johns to keep those legs warm. Yeah, I'm cold all the time. That's cold. Am I vindicated there? That's kind of chicken.

That's like me a woman. I have an eating pad on my seat right now. Thank you. I'm so cold. Basically wear a skirt every day. Telltale sign of a woman. Lucas is 23. So when did you start 21 22 even

what well I turned 24 next month okay okay I thought you've been here much longer November 2023 damn are you Lucas's boss no who? Want to say TJ? Correct. Your TJ's boss. Couple up. We have too much bureaucratic red tape here? I don't think so. Okay. Good answer. I encourage people to just work together.

Yeah. You are that kind of guy who's like work together. Just do it. Alright. Yep. All right. You got anything else? I don't think so. Hurt my feelings. Do you think everything's going to go smooth with a mini golf? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As smooth as this show went today. Smoother I would hope. Okay. Okay. All right, Pete. Yeah. Always a pleasure. Great. Yeah. I'm gonna to text you after this thing.

It was fun having you on the. Yeah. Just copy and paste from the last. You're such a dick. Oh, what's going on with your dogs? The foster dog. Oh, God. Oh, so that foster dog got adopted. So it's great. That's fantastic. Yeah. But your kids are pretty sad.

No, no. But we got a second foster dog. Oh, yeah. Is that dog sticking around that dog on its second day bit my my poor dear dog's ear, the tip of her ear off off. Yeah. Tyson. Yeah. And so we had to send the foster dog away to where it went back to the rescue. You put it down? I did not. Is it down? Oh, it's down?

I don't know if it's dead or not. Oh, my god. Is there a chance? I don't think so. This rescue doesn't do that. It bit its ear off. So is that going to make you skittish about getting more rescues?

Are you hanging up the cape? I don't make those decisions, but I do believe that we're going gonna pause for a little bit. Damn. Yeah. Was there a lot of blood? Yes. But it was just the tip?

It was just like the, just like, instead of like a teardrop, right, it just goes down and it's flat now and swallow it. Were you there for it? Yeah, oh yeah. What kind of dog was it? Did you break him up? No, we got him split

But I picked up my dog you tripple you played favorites. Oh, yeah, did you cut? Yeah? No, no And I was just yeah composer and then my son noticed He cleaned up all the blood your son did yeah, he was great. How would your son? Yeah, seven you made him clean up all the dog blood I mean we're busy Like doing that stuff he cleaning up blood all the time helping Yeah helping He likes doing that stuff. He's cleaning up blood all the time. Helping. Yeah, helping.

What? OK. We need your help, bud. Child labor. Yeah, that's normal. We need your help, bud. Dog blood. All the little trometh.

And it was a lot of dog blood? Yeah. Damn. That might scar him. Yeah. He's fine. Yeah, so I don't think we're going to foster anybody anytime soon.

When did this happen? Right before it was the next day I came out for the opening night of March Madness, a couple weeks ago. Damn. Shit. But we're all good. OK. Yeah.

How's it going to go tonight? Good. OK. Sounds like you got everything good. Yeah. It was a good weekend of shows. Great weekend. Great crowd.

Great gambling cave on Saturday night with Rico. Yeah. He's been on a hot streak. Oh my god. Is he still here? Yeah. Coming tonight, yeah. Yeah, his neck is still fucked up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Saw here? Yeah. Coming tonight, yeah. Yeah, his neck is still fucked up.

Oh yeah, yeah, I saw that. Yeah. What even happened? Oh, he slept weird. Oh. He's moving like a robot. Yeah. Yeah.

It's very funny. And having the neck brace on for that interaction with Dave was great. He has like a pad on the back of his. It looks like a pad. Yeah, like a little patch. Yeah. Huh.

He tried to extort Dave. I saw he was selling his fandom, or who he was rooting for. Yeah, with like 30 seconds left in the game, he's like, if you give me $20,000, I'll root for your bet. Look at him look at him. Yeah. Oh, man.

All right, thank you, Pete. All right. Great time. Love having you on Pete. All right. Great time. Love having you on. Love having you in the mix. DraftKings, when it comes to college basketball and March Mania, one thing is for sure. Nothing's for sure. Upsets, Buzzer Beaters, Cinderella's advancing. Top seeds going home early. It's all going to happen.

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Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co. Also, Hey Dude, tune in to the mini golf finals in Chicago. Sponsored by Hey Dude from warming up on the range to sinking putts on the green or just kicking back at the clubhouse. The new Hey, dude, Wendy and Wally golf styles have you covered designed with a grippy, lugged, lugged rubber outsole golf inspired features and Hey, dude signature lightweight comfort. These shoes bring effortless style to every swing. Hey, dude, golf style drops exclusively on hey, dude, dot com in May. Sign up now to be the first to know at hey, dude, dot com slash golf. I'm excited for mini golf. Yeah. Can you show the course? Lucas, look at that. We got the dick hole. A couple dick hole. Yeah, a lot of dick holes. Look at that one on the

left. And there is practicing allowed. We're back in lay it down. Practicing is allowed. Is Liam in it? He's not. Oh, OK. Yeah.

So he really said nothing? Yeah, yeah. He did the quiet episode. What was he like, I'm going to do this? Brandon might have asked him to do it. That's electric. Yeah. Impressive shit. I think it was 35, to do it. That's electric. Yeah, impressive shit. I think it was 35, 40 minutes in,

I finally was like, are you allowed to talk? And they were like, don't worry about it. That was basically it. Once Kate turned to him and started telling him about women's reproductive organs, was it? Yeah. He had no response. Yeah, you can really tell.

I almost broke him. He normally would have had something to add there. Yeah. It was shocking, after the show, it was shocking to me when he talked to me. Oh, yeah. Well He's not he has a good face for a non-talker. Yeah, you know, he's got a face for a photo Yeah So you guys see this punishment kind of kind of reference gonna have to do if Florida wins tonight He's gonna eat 40 waffles. 40 waffles.

Non-egg a waffles, like a real full waffles. That's going to suck. At Waffle House, or he's? He has 40 days to do it. Is Nicky Smokes in Florida? Is he? He's in Gainesville. Oh, he is.

So he's there. OK. Very funny Nicky Smokes interaction. Yesterday, I came out and I gave him a bunch of tips on how to do man on the street. And then 20 minutes later he came by my office and he's like, all right, I'm out of here. Got any tips? He called me last night. He called me last night and I gave him some advice that Caleb gave me. I gave him some joke premises and he was like, I'm going to try to kiss a chick.

I'm going to try to kiss a chick. He called me last night and I was like, gave him some advice that Caleb gave me. I gave him some joke premises and he was like, I'm going to try to kiss a chick. Alright. And I was like, yeah, you know what? Be yourself. Yeah. Be yourself. Honestly, yeah. Big opportunity for him. Yeah.

See if he comes through. He will. I think he will. He will if he's him. Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to get so fucked up. I was like, you got to do the thing first. Yeah, you don't really want the person with the microphone

to be the fucked up. You want the other people to be fucked up so you can control them instead of just being one of them. Correct. He's going to get the next talk to her. Yeah. But he's going to be saying it alone into the mic. Yeah, fucked up.

Not being interviewed by anybody if it is just him making out with every chick there now with a mic below that that would be the best man on this no questions nothing yeah no mic even no just making out with every chick no camera just recap it with N dashes on the blog. Yeah, he's going to do the thing. Steven, what were you going to say? I was just going to say, what's going to be its comparison to the NFL for what

doing man on the street is like? Oh my god, he's getting, I don't. Officiating a game. Yeah. I can't keep up. Yeah. Yeah, his comparisons are. But I mean, that's what you expect from a...

South Florida douchebag with no life experience. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Just comparisons are just not gonna be there. Yeah. It's not quite there for... Yeah, he does comparisons to weddings, which I don't think he's ever been to one. I think he just learned that you can compare two things... Yeah....that aren't related.

Mm-hmm. And it broke, it's like, I can just use like or as. Yeah, open up a whole world for him. Yeah. He just discovered, we were saying the other day, about The Beatles and Bob Dylan. He was like, have you heard of this Bob Dylan? Yeah.

The lyrics are so deep. I was like, Jesus. Oh yeah, this is who we're dealing with. That's not even like an age thing. No, he's like lived his whole life in a coma. Yeah, but you wouldn't think that. What do you want from his man on the street? Do you want it to be bad?

It's a tricky... It's a... Good question. No, I want it to be good in a Nicky Smokes way. Good, like college kids want man on the street to be like, oh, I'm a slut. Yeah. I want it to be, I want there to be a couple very funny moments and then obviously there's going to be a couple moments where I'm like, I hate this guy.

Yeah. Right? That would be a perfect. There's a chance he could be the greatest of all time at it. That would be awesome. Easily could. That would be a great thing to have. If it was just like, we didn't even know we have the Michael

Jordan of Man on the Streets. There's a chance. There's also a chance of to have. It was just like, we didn't even know. We have the Michael Jordan of man on the streets. There's a chance. There's also a chance of the opposite. Oh, high chance. Yeah, probable. Betting favorite. Yeah, yeah. Most likely.

Just him hammered, drinking a Four Loko on the mic. There's also a chance Jacob, I think, is on the camera, which I don't know. Yeah, does Jacob have that skill set yet? I don't know. Yeah. Does Jacob have that skill set yet? I don't know. Yeah, I believe so. Yeah. Yeah. But also, you know, he's the kind of guy he's he's not fucked that up. He's not going to fuck that up. Not not at all. OK. Is that sarcastic?

No, it wasn't. But everything I say sounds OK. What is that about you, Lucas? I'm a piece of shit and all I use is sarcasm. Nailed it. Lucas, where are you from? The kids good. New Jersey originally, and then I've been in Florida since high school. Oh, that combo.

Tough combo. Yeah, that checks out. That's, yeah, it's tough. Oh, yeah. You're not meant to be liked. It's like you were made in a lab to be hated. And what's your last name? Guido. Yeah. Oh my god. Don't get enough credit for having that for your last. I forgot that. Yeah, that's his last name. Yeah. Guido. Luke Guido. Yeah. Luke Guido. Half Jersey,

half Florida. If you guys. 100% Guido. Stealer fan. If you guys were in a coma, would you want the plug pulled eventually? Alright, that... I feel like we were... I was laughing. No, no, that was... I think so. Alright.

Now, yeah, good time to... Yeah, why... Somebody mentioned a coma with the next game. I've been, like, really asleep and I didn't mind it at all, so maybe not. Just let it go. Probably to the point where like, if it was years, you wouldn't want to wake up to too much change. I think I would want it like,

basically if I went in a coma, right up until I lost so much weight that I looked like a bitch and then pulled the plug. Okay. But like if you could wake me up in like seven days, it looked like I just was on an awesome diet. Yeah. Like I'm in for that.

Yeah, nice. It's like a month. The right amount. And you're like shaving my face and I'm like wilted away. No thank you. I don't wanna wake up and be like, where am I? Matthew McConaughey at the end of Interstellar,

I would rather be dead than live in that world. Wait, what, remind me? His daughter was like 90. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so like, give me three weeks. But if you're in a coma, you don't wake up younger. Three weeks!

You're not going to have your daughter be older than you. True. Yeah. Yeah, three weeks I think is about all I can do in a coma. What happened? Isn't like three, four weeks fairly common to come out of a coma? I don't know the average coma. Why do people die in comas? I don't even understand comas. I don't know. I didn't know you could lose weight. What do you mean? You're not even. I just thought you were in a...

You're not moving? You were just in a... You think your muscle tone would stay? Like you're not walking. They just maintain your same diet through a tube. They get you hammered on Saturday nights. Yeah. Severe coma can last for months or even years.

And how the fuck do you know that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You're not you're walking maintain your same diet through a tube. They get you hammered on Saturday nights Severe coma can last for months or even years and how the fuck do these people wake up? What's the longest coma someone's woken up from I think I saw a story

I'm of course gonna butcher this but the guy woke up after like 20 years There's some crazy long amount and the family was super pumped and then like within the year he like tripped and fell in up. And gosh. It was like, usually people who do recover from long time ones, I think, are so fucked up that. Longest recorded coma. Yeah.

Jesus. I don't. I would be so pissed if I woke up 27 years later. Yeah, if you're at the six month mark, what gives you hope? Right. That you will wake up? How does that work? I you guys you have to be very it has to just be.

I would I'd want to die. Yeah. Wouldn't you be like if you if you she went to the coma in 91 came out 2018. I'd be so mad. There'd be so much shit I'd have to learn. It's very expensive. I want him to give me a chance. You know, I think I would take inside of a year, but a rare you never know dude. I'm a fighter Yeah, cuz I might have to learn how to your whole body is like atrophied, right? You have to learn how to do everything catching up on losing the kind of fun

Yeah, losing the games would suck And I'd be pissed cuz people like oh dude you miss like this incredible Super Bowl No, you just rewatch it you have to watch it you get to like first thing You know people would spoil it you get that you wake up before you leave the hospital They're like here's the greatest hits of the past two decades I'd have to have like a tag being like no spoilers, please It's the first thing you say when you wake up you just come out of a coma Tell me who won the last five championships.

No spoilers, but your wife left you already. Yeah, that and... How, I mean that, I would, like if I was in a coma for five years I would be pissed if my wife was like, I've stayed loyal to you. Like why? Why? That'd be too beautiful. What about prison? Is that different because you're aware? Why? Why? Yeah. That'd be too beautiful. Yeah, that would be too beautiful.

What about prison? Is that different, because you're aware? I don't know. I'd expect my wife to move on if I just did like a long weekend somewhere. I just know like if my wife like tragically died, I would just become like a big time prostitute guy. Sound of respect.

Yeah. She'd be like, I'm not gonna fall in love again. Oh yeah. I got you. A guy like you would. Yeah like I like I don't want the kids to have another mom like I'm just prostitutes all the time. Yeah. High end. It would be a pretty woman situation. Yeah no kissing on the mouth. Yeah. Just running them through my house. That is kind of moral though. That'll be better for the kids. There is a level of moral worth.

Yeah, it would. It would be kind of touching. No, I don't want... My dad was a great guy. When my mom died, he just fucked prostitutes. Yeah, right. That's kind of a cool move. And a different one every day. Yeah. He didn't want us to get attached. He never fell in love again. Yeah.

Yeah, it's... I'm convincing myself it's beautiful it is beautiful it helped us understand all sorts of cultures It was a different style of every day. Yeah, it's just biz diverse That's true. Love right there. Yeah, is there an age where you will completely give up on? caring about yourself physically No, like eating just horribly constantly. I don't know, because I think that's one of those things, the older you get, the closer to death you're like, I want to stay alive.

Yeah. Well, it's more about the health span and the lifespan. I would rather, I want the years to be decent than be debilitated Although I did like my grandfather who passed away a long time ago like he at the end of his life like my grandmother Would be like no you can't have those french fries and like shit like that. I was like this is fucking prison Yeah, I kill myself You can't have the French fry can't have your lady dictating what you're allowed to eat

Yeah, it needs to be a behind closed doors situation I mean there was like reason for because he needed a new heart and shit But like I know I would be like I'm doing I'm death by french fry would not be the worst way to go No, maybe the best Anybody like knew I had a year left. I'd start smoking again. Oh, yeah, I really loved it. You miss it I do I love secondhand smoke. I love you still sneaking six. Oh, right, but I've every now and then I allow myself ten a year Ten a year. I Had one of them with you. Yeah, that's not enough. I'm honored. I didn't know it was ten a year

What's the time these two veterans showed up here and they're like we just come outside and smoke a cigarette with us And I was like, yeah Do you like do you actually? Yeah, like, would you, if you, if we get to August and you're like nine and you're like, fuck. No, I'll go. I'll go. But I try to keep it. I try to not go. What are you at this year? Probably at six. What are we?

It's April. It's the beginning of April. We're on track for a full pack. It's only a drink at night, which are rare. Yeah, you did it in NOLA. Then you did it with Eddie at that bar in Chicago. Had a couple in NOLA. Yeah. It's only a drink at night, which are rare. Yeah. You did it in NOLA, then you did it with Eddie at that bar in Chicago. Had a couple in NOLA. Yeah.

And then a couple at, yeah. Kate, you still smoke. Yeah, I guess I do. You know what? I guess I do, yeah. Dang. Yeah, I do. It's rare.

Whenever we do a case-raise or something here, I always get my paws on one before I leave. How's it feel? Great. Better than, like like a pastry damn yeah no better than I was a stumper right there I love pastry how many were you at like in the Marine Corps is that when you started or is it I know I smoked in college I started smoking in high school I had my first one on the way to a Dave Matthews band concert Hershey at Hershey Park and I, I was in like 11th grade

in my friend's minivan and I was like, whoa, this rules. And I've been on him ever since. Did you ever dip? A couple times. Gross. I did the little, like the, yeah. You just didn't have nicotine or like guys bullying you into doing it?

I played rugby and that's. Oh, they were all dipping. It was like to be passing a can around. So your lungs were fresh. You were probably doing the ch like to be passing a can around so your lungs are you're probably doing the Chaw Yeah How many what was at your peak of smoking what were you at? I would probably go through two packs a week, okay? That's not terrible. No. It was social. I was big social. I love chit-chat

I love like wagging my tail on people and I'd smoke I get my tail I'll be taking that. And smokers are usually those kinds of people. Yeah. I get bored in the bar and I'm like, oh, what are they talking about out there? It's a good way to like mix it up. It looks very cool.

I know they love it because they'll go out in like negative 10 degrees and be happy. The worst is every winter I would have bronchitis for like five months and that gets old you're out there freezing with And smelling I feel like some smokers it doesn't stick to them but like it's stuck to me I feel like I stunk all the time. It makes all your stuff smell like yeah, it stinks It doesn't make does it make food taste better It made after meals worth it. Post meal.

I can't get over the fact that it doesn't really make you high. What does it do? It gives you this relaxed, good feeling. Yeah. It gives you a buzz, but if you haven't had it in awhile, you get borderline sick. I like being really high.

Yeah? I'd rather be really high. Really high. How high? Like really high. Being really high with a cigarette? I was like, it's great. Just give me a blunt over a cig.

That's a different kind of. It's a totally different thing. Incomparable, almost. Yeah, I guess I'll pick it back up again. I respect you having gone to the vape route. You haven't gone the vape route at all. No. Sticking to the old fashions.

Can't do it. I can respect that. Acoustic. Acoustic smoker. I know friends who are starting cigs to quit vapes. Whoa. Because the vape is like, it's so omnipresent. And you can do it inside.

You can just smoke it all the time. Because people haven't started dying from it, nobody cares. But they will. So they're like, oh, I've just started smoking cigs every once in a while to quit the vape. One cig a week or two cigs a week is probably better than vaping all day. Yeah, all day.

Yeah. Definitely. That's cool, though. Nick, you want to do a Stephen Singer ad? Yes. You think Brandon's winning trivia right now? Probably. Probably. He's an expert.

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Only available from Steven Singer Jewelers in Philly or online at IHateStevenSinger.com. When is Mother's Day? It's coming up. You know what's fucked up?com. When is Mother's Day? It's coming up. You know what's fucked up? UK has a different Mother's Day. It was March 30th, and I saw Patty the Batty post something, and I freaked out thinking that

I forgot about Mother's Day. What's the reason for having a different? May 11th. May 11th this year. May 11th. May 11th. May 11th this year? Fellas, get ready to break those noses. Or come with the roses. I'm not.

That's the new. New Hallmark card. Ha ha ha. Steven, you cleaned out your whole email? I did, what a feeling. It's great. Had thousands of unread emails. How did you have that many unread?

It was, it's my personal, so it's not the work. But it's just like, you know, you buy stuff and stuff gets up and, you know, I unsubscribe to stuff, but it just keeps coming through. So then, yeah, I just I got my taxes done. And that's what I needed all my old emails for. And then it's just like, get rid of them all. Did you find anything fun? Was there any little nuggets that stood out? Oh, you're just elite. Wow. So if you send me an

email to my personal Gmail last year, I did not read it. I'm afraid to do that. Wow. I don't know if that was a smart play. Yeah. There might be some stuff that you needed. I feel like that was really dumb. I got all the stuff I needed for my taxes, and then like, But what if you need something else?

Was it bothering you that much that you had to get rid of it? Yeah, I just did. I was told, Gmail told me my email is going to be deactivated because I ran out of storage. So. You can also sort by just deleting all the spam or promotional, you didn't have to delete your primary.

What are any emails from 2016 for? I really hope this bites you in the ass. You never know. I need this. You read one of my emails from college last time I was on here. It's nice to have some backlog. I'm rooting so hard for something very important

that you deleted. I think. I mean, I think people covered it. That's a crazy move. My sent folder is still there, so if I interacted with anything, I could see it. And I did forward myself maybe three emails that I saw on my first page, but after that,

it was gone, so. I think this was rash and impulsive. Yeah. And not what, like, you could have just done page but after that was gone so I think this was rash and impulsive yeah and not what like you could have just done a quick like yeah like spam junk see ya how many how it felt good though how many did you have to wear your storage thousands I thought it was six thousand it might have been 60,000 six I'm not sure it was years like I the only time I would check that email is if I ordered something and I went to see the shipping. That's it.

Damn. Well, congrats, Steve. Thanks. Good weekend for you. Minecraft, emails. Exhilarating. That's it. Good weekend.

Incredible. What did you say? I don't know. George, did you have shows? Yeah. Yeah. I was in Rosemont Friday and Saturday and then downtown at Zanies last night. How was it? It was great. Awesome. Yeah. I love the crowds out here. I did. I texted Nick last night that we went to the Cubs game and I was like chilling before the show and I had a thought. I was worried that the Masters trip might be in jeopardy coming back today because I was like, you want the pencil there, he doesn't. What if I get caught in the middle and I lose my Masters opportunity? It went well, which I'm pleased with. I admittedly have like bad radar for like, is it too far? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills

with the big pencil being too far. The masters are exclusive and it means a lot to Brandon. I understand that but like it's not like a mastermind bringing a gun in. There's a zero percent chance that he will get kicked out. Right, and knowing Brandon's. Revoked forever. Knowing Brandon's brain, he is all but certain

that's going to happen. Yeah, because like obviously sometimes there's times where I. Knowing Brandon's brain, he is all but certain that's going to happen. Yeah, because obviously sometimes there's times where I will admit, hand up, like, hey, you went too far. It's, you know. It's very big of you. Yeah. I don't think I'm even close on this one.

Maybe we should have him bring a gun in. OK. Oh, there's a picture. Oh, picture of the picture. Now we have the picture of the picture. That's pretty good. Now that's quality right there. Just, yeah. Now we have the picture of the picture. That's pretty good. Now, that's that's quality right there. Just in case. Wait, hand that one to him first. Be like,

wait, wait, wait. Yes. It's quality stuff right there. Also, hasn't Brandon had Masters tickets like forever? He's never gone, right? Right. So it can't be that much to him. I think it's like the last three or four years because he was on a waiting list got it Okay, but yeah, that was my like pre-show freak out in the Knicks like you'll be fine I'm like okay. I just don't want to fumble this at the one I guess crazy I'm not like I'm not saying hey Joey make sure the pencil gets in no matter what yeah

Literally just give it an honest effort. We'll give it an honest effort. If the honest effort doesn't work, what are you going to do? We will try for the people. We were with Chef Donny yesterday, and Chef Donny was like, I've been cooking Brandon personal meals every day for the past year, and he didn't think to invite me. Oh, man. He's made a ton of enemies in his office. A ton. Yeah, he stole my thank you from Connor and Liam.

Crazy. Crazy. It was nuts when they came back. They're like, yeah, Brandon gave us tickets like, well, OK. I don't think he's going to have any problem with the big pencil. Or you won't, Joey. I think I'll be OK. Yeah. And if it's a no, it's just a no. Be very kind and courteous.

This would shock me if they're like, how could you even ask this? You're a this man. You're not allowed to come back to Georgia. If Brandon gets arrested. Yeah. You asked about a big pencil? Oh, that's rule number one. Guantanamo.

I should just sneak it into his stuff so he doesn't realize. Oh, my God. I'm going to get with that. Do you know anybody affiliated with that? You know, are you personal friends with some of the golfers? Yeah, I don't know. They probably have different rules. Maybe run it by them.

It'd be great to text a professional golfer, Week of Masters. This might be off your radar, but... You know what the pencil rule is? Maybe do our security guys know any of those security guys? Those guys are a different breed. They are a different breed. They're not in our circle. Those are earpiece security guys know any of those security guys? Those guys are a different breed. They are a different breed. They're not in our circle. Those are earpiece security guys.

Yeah. You don't fuck with earpiece security. OK, they're going to hate the pencil. Yes. I know that. They're going to want to confiscate the pencil. Yes. It'll be itchy.

I think it's going to cause something. Certainly. But you might get the good natured oldie, who you explain it's a bit, and they're like, OK, just a fun pencil. You never know. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know it was real. Yeah, if you have to, you might have to be like, look, guys, it's an actual holy shit. Actual. Yeah.

You have a month sale. The big game pencil. Can I hold it? Yeah, buy. We have like 100 left. Oh, it's not even like hefty. You really couldn't do too much damage with it. Yeah, I don't, it's not a weapon. You should dress up like a schoolboy.

Yeah. The propeller hat. Like that guy from ACDC. Yeah, I guess young. Oh, you should dress up super young and try to get Brandon like busted for like pedophilia. Yeah. Dress like a toddler. Yeah. Wear a diaper. dress up super young and try to get Brandon like busted for like pedophilia. Dress like a toddler. Wear a diaper. You can bring the pencil, just not the boy.

Whisper to everyone, help. See, now that would be too far. That would be too far. That would be too far. We would not ask of that. We would not ask of that. If you did it on your own volition, would I laugh? Yes.

I'm not going to ask you to do that. Yeah. Help. Run up on him with the phone. He's here to meet a 12-year-old. He's here to meet a 12-year-old. They're just sliding people notes being like, please help me. You should do something to make Brandon regret inviting you.

I'm hoping not to do that. It's a nice gift. It's incredible. I'm going to be a that. It's a it's a nice gift. It's a I'm going to be a very fun Masters companion. How did this come about? Even I I came into film with Chef Donnie and he was like, what do you want to cook? The guy who cooks Brandon lunch every day. Yeah, very one. Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, what do you want to cook? And I was like, well, if it's going to come out before the Masters, I feel like we

should do something Masters related. It'll be topical and he's like, great. So we made pimento cheese sandwiches then we're sitting on the yak he brings Brandon leftover pimento cheese sandwiches we start talking about it and he's like do you want to go and I was like yeah I've always wanted to go and he's like well I have an extra ticket it was that it was that easy damn it was awesome that is pretty awesome but he's made a good choice I'm choice. I'm a fun trip guy. If I have a dinner with you, I'll mean it when I say it was a great time.

I'm not going to renege. I love that. Was your wife confused when you were like, hey, I'm going to the Masters with this guy I just met? She was immediately stoked. She was just like, that's so fucking cool. She called me excited like, oh my god wait how stoked

Incredibly stoked she knows that you're gonna be out of town. Yeah Already pushed to this trip She's supportive okay She knows she knows how stoked she well. I told her I was like I'm going to the master. She's like no fucking way. Are you kidding me? And she's like when and when will you be gone? Wait isn't? karate instructor convention Marry me to Tom Brady, I will take the same convention center as the dick pill. Yeah

We will not I don't tolerate this slander, all right? She actually is cool, and guys can't comprehend that. But she knows that the Masters is a crazy, unique, awesome. The Brooklyn Cunnilingus Festival? That's right. What is that? Oh. All pussies must get licked.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll have to check the in town New York events. Yeah. Wait, where do you live in the city? Lower East side. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Love it. The heart of it all. Just right in the middle. I mean, like, I don't know how long I'll live there and I've been California my whole life. So I was like, let's just get in the mix. Wait, were you in New York when you last came on the act or you just recently moved there? I moved there a year ago, September. Okay. Yeah. I had already been there. Wait, so you're coming up on two years. Yep. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't miss New York,

but it was fun living there for a little bit. It's fun to go back. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I think when I leave, I'll probably feel like I've done it. I'm not a lifer, but it's an awesome experience. I'm so glad I lived there. I'm glad I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very cool to be like, I lived in New York. Yeah. It feels like a place that you can go and like learn things and then go back somewhere else and be like, well, in New York. Yeah. And it's fun becoming a food snob, like stuff so good there

that I feel like I have harsher opinions on the rest of the world. Yeah. And it's fun becoming a food snob, like stuff's so good there that I feel like I have harsher opinions on the rest of the world. Yeah. And that makes me feel like that. Yeah. Essentially, New York turns everybody into an asshole. Yeah.

Exactly. But now I'm one of them. Well, in New York. So it's, yeah. You can just be like, this coffee is whatever. I never used to think that. I just liked everything. And now I'm like, well, I don't know.

Yeah. I feel like you need to study abroad in New York now. You're the only one here. We should send you to New York. You should. We'll have a vote. Work out of the New York office for a semester. Not a bad idea. It does make other places seem easier too.

Like I- Oh, big time. Street parking. I'm like, I can park on my street. Are you kidding? Feels amazing. Big time. And it's so expensive that other places don't feel as bad. That also is big time. Yeah. Yeah, it's still expensive here, but now it's not expensive that other places don't feel as bad. That also is big time.

Yeah. Yeah, it's still expensive here, but now it's not as bad. Yeah. You get a coffee, it'll be like $7. And I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, that always blew my mind when living in New York and then you go somewhere else and they're like, you had $2 for this?

You're like, wait, what? Yeah. Did I order the right thing? Yeah. Buying around at the bar and you're like, $2? It's kind of gross. I don't want this $2 thing. Yeah.

What did you do? Why are you giving me this? 99? Why me? My brain won't let me enjoy it. Can I just pay seven? Oh, this case bad. Yeah.

Can I please pay more? Yeah. Yeah, that's the best going to like a college town and like ordering like a round of beers and they're like, that'll be $6? $6. Yeah. What?

That's so awesome. Buy this while born. Sick. What else we got? Anything else? Lucas, I'm not mad at you anymore. Thanks, I'm not mad at you either. Why are you mad at me? I don't know. I'm not mad at you either. Wow. Why are you mad at me?

I don't know. I'm not mad at him. That's gonna piss Big Cat off. Yeah, I hate him again. Damn it. That's fine, that's how it should be. Steven, you got something? Good luck on your future tonight.

Oh, thank you. I need Florida to win. Oh, I have Houston, big time. You have him big time? You guys don't know ball. What do you mean you have Houston big time? I have Houston big time. You have them big time? You guys don't know ball. What do you mean you have Houston big time? I have Houston big time. Oh, shit.

I got a feeling in my bones at the start of the tournament and I said it out loud to many people. Houston? Oh, are they not in the final? No, they are. No, no, no. You're doing great. Yeah.

No, I'm impressed you're all in. Uh-oh, I've made a terrible mistake. Yeah, I had a feeling in my bones, and I've watched him clinking up the ladder. We know how your bones are, though. Which they're extra tingly, actually. The Cubs game yesterday, we were betting, and I bet $100 next pitch strike.

And it was the best feeling that's ever happened. It was a delayed call, too. We were all holding each other back like the NBA bench guys we were like Oh And then it ruined the rest of everyone else's day because we all started putting bets on ball or strike and no one won the rest No, it was it was crazy and mine was supposed to be a $10 bet Yeah, and it was a little bit of a it was a cold hundred. Yeah By the way, I'm sorry I'm inquiring about the big. It's not going well. Oh no. Well, no, it's just I I sent it to SVP because he

does the master every year. I said if I brought a big pencil to keep notes and Augusta would they let me bring it in? He said, I don't understand what this is about. I just wrote back. It's just a big pencil. Yeah, that's all it is. I think that's a fair first reply. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean also like kind of dumb to not realize like that's pretty funny. Yeah. And so it doesn't seem like an immediate hit for us. Well, he didn't hit him. No, he didn't laugh. Maybe I should put it in action. Send the picture of Joey. Yeah. The picture of me with the picture of me. How about now?

We had a couple in the wild over the weekend. Yeah we did. Oh let me see one. We had a Phillies fan I think. Oh I want to see one just so I can laugh. We went to Wrigley and one of the Padres players threw a ball near us and Mook who all day had been saying he was like Mr. Foul Ball as a child went to catch it and it hit off his hand and he didn't catch it and then he immediately was worried that he broke his pinky. No. So afraid. He's like guys I don't know. It doesn't feel right. Of course it's numb. You got hit by a baseball. It's 35 degrees And he was freaking he was spiraling for like five minutes, and then finally he was like

Yeah, do you write it? One off the hand and not get it. Oh, that's good look at What you don't need all that pencil good. Look at that pencil. You don't need all that pencil. Go back to the first picture. I'll send that to. Oh, yeah. You just look at that. Oh, here we go. Why couldn't you bring a big pencil to Augusta? That's all you needed to hear. Thank you.

Is that Scott? Yeah. I just said agree. If they say no to the picture, I'll show them the text from Scott. Yeah. Yeah, all right. So he wasn't confused about it. He was just like, he was more confused. Why would I even ask?

Of course. The big pencil might get an escort in there. He was more confused. Why would I even ask you? He thought it was such a dumb question. Yes. This is, yeah. The big pencil might get an escort in there. Yeah. The only way it'll be able to be seen, though, is if it gets on TV, though. You guys got to stand behind some, like, T-boxes. Cool. And just be like, as he's teeing off.

Be very serious. Yeah. Studios. I think you're going to get it. And you know what will happen? Joey will be holding it because Brandon doesn't want to. And Joey will blow up the medals of fame. He's going to be...

Brandon will be so mad. Oh my God, imagine if... This could be a really big arc in my career. Yeah. Two years from now. All the shows just sell out immediately. All my tour dates. That's the pencil guy. Oh my God. I can't perform without a pencil anymore.

People will start heckling you. Like, Jeff Dunham pencil comic. Yeah, you have to. Hey, where's your lid? I can't I can't perform without a pencil. We'll start heckling you like I changed my billing to the world's number two favorite You get a Netflix special it's like Bert doing his machines. Yeah at the end set, you're like, so I brought a big pencil. And everybody starts doing that. I go, guess that just didn't work. Yes. Cross it off. Holy shit, now I need this to happen.

Pencil art. You're on Rogan. Rogan's like, so how'd you burst this? Well, this is a big pencil. Well, I pull it out from behind my ear. Does it make sense now, Joe? He just starts laughing so hard. He's like, holy shit.

Scott Van Pelt's on Sports Center like, at first, I didn't get it. But now. Oh, man. Oh, I feel confident now. This could be big for everybody. Yeah. This could make or break careers.

Yeah. And then Brandon goes into a deep depression because he's Yeah, it's gonna make or break careers. Yeah. And then Brandon, like, goes into, like, a deep depression because he's like, I could, it should have been me. Yeah, right. I should have been the powerful guy. He starts overcompensating. He walks around with a big sharpener.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's trying out big pens. It's not funny at all. Yeah, like, ah, dude, that's kind of fucked up. Dude, that actually sucks. Yeah, a big pen. That thing's dangerous. He gets arrested for trying to bring it into Augusta.

All his silverware in his house is huge. He's trying to find the next big thing. And none of it's funny. None of it. He's never even crack a smile. And like, Brandon, why do you think a big pen would be funny? He's got a big microphone. Dude, what is this?

You're fucked up. You're fucking packed, dude. Joey, do the big pencil. Ah! Ah! Dude, why are you stealing Joey Avery's thing? Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Oh, I think we just wrote a movie. Yeah. I think so. The best would be a golfer hits a key shot at the one hole where you decide to pull it out. And then after the game or whatever,

he's like, get me Big Pencil Guy. And you're in his inner circle after that. You're in the cell of your chatting. I start pulling it out of the bag. I can see it right now. John C. Reilly becomes a hit comic with the big pencil while Will Ferrell sits at home just being like, should have been me.

That was my idea. I was a pussy about the big pencil. It's like, it's certainly going to happen. It's going to be big. I mean, it will be. He's signing a model's tits with the big pencil. Signing a model's tits and pencil just so you can stay on the titties longer. Yeah, I mean it will There's like the Tom Brady's there and then all the photographers just sprint away from him because they see Joey with his big pencil show up. He's here. Yup. Yeah, this is gonna happen. This is exactly what's

gonna happen. It's exciting. Alright, well, thank you for coming in, Joey. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. Check me out. I'm on tour. Joey every dot com slash live podcast is called The Joey Show. Let's go. Oh, pencil will be on Thursday, Friday at Augusta. Where are you next?

Pottstown, P.A. this Saturday straight from Augusta, then East Providence, Rhode Island, then some stuff in Maine, Raleigh, Dallas, Sacramento, San Francisco and and a bunch more amazing. So you didn't look at a map before you did this. I just yeah, I got this. Oh, yeah, it goes through like June. OK, yeah. I was going to say, because you're kind of like

Maine to Dallas. Oh, it's so like bands will get in a like a bus and just like drive the country and go place to place to place with comedy It's so many weekends. Oh, so you just go home. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense Yeah, which is great because otherwise you lose your fucking mind. Yeah, I would imagine Yeah, I've had some like the first tour I ever did I was out for I moved to New York and then one day later I went out on tour for three and a half straight weeks and oh Too much. Yeah, so we do try to do weekends and then sanity in between

So you're not home on the weekends I'm sure your wife stays my first wife is very loyal. All right Yeah. So every weekend you're gone. Oh. So he's Joey comes back. I really need this pencil thing to work. My beard is on the fucking rocks. I'm like

roaring last year. How is he acting? You're just like, let me see your phone. Yeah. Ugh. We've got a thing for that. With Julio the last one. We're just breaking comics up. All right.

Let's spin the wheel. Oh, so we can take Euro Club off, right? It's gone. It's gone. It's Tommy Walker's now. We had a bad run there last week, huh? Yeah. All right. We'll see you tomorrow. Thanks again, Joey. And everyone go see Joey out on the road. And yeah, this is the

start of the championship DVD. We won't ever be able to book Joey again. No, this will be the last time we see you. You know, yeah, Joey sends a replica pencil in his place. Yeah, it just sits in the chair. Yeah, you guys can't get the real thing in for him. Sorry. All right, we'll see you in a while. the Talk shop, we're doing Yankee Swab is the act. Is the act.

Tomorrow can't possibly be worse, right?