The Yak - We're Selling Some Naughty Novels | The Yak 11-27-23

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up. Hello. Hello. It's the Yak. Sponsored by Roback. Use promo code YAK. 20% off your first purchase.

QZS, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. YAK. Use that code right now. Roback.com. 20% off your first purchase. Boys, it is book launch day. Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah.

We have created the most ridiculous thing. This whole show is ridiculous. It's like a fever dream. But coming in today and seeing this sitting on my seat a new york time bestseller that we have written it says it right there um this is just ridiculous yeah i can't believe we actually followed through the dumbest thing yeah dumbest thing we've ever done we're gonna have to play more we should actually oh they're not live now are they wait should we put something we should have done the we should have done the spine so you could have made a series well no right or at least a box set yeah yeah i think more more to come yeah way more

to come and we did get legal uh we have it's a we have really really strict legal on this for some yeah there is because it's it is an erotica novel. I just opened to a random page. Chapter 9, Deaf Goo Beast by Mark Titus. Never thought you'd see your name in that. Chapter 8 is Mega Titty by KB. November 24th, 1996 was

the start of your book. What's that date? Wait a minute. Then this is going to make no sense. I thought this was supposed to happen in the same day. You go back to 96? There's a lot of flashbacks. then this is going to make no sense. I thought this was supposed to happen in the same day. You go back to 96. There's a lot of flashbacks. I'm just going to read a little. I'm going to read a passage. We were told that the passages have to be not the most graphic passages,

but I'll just start with KB's chapter. Mark, is this a typo? A-N-Y-T bestseller instead of an? No. It is. I think you go off of... You go off of... Phonetic.

Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. All right, that's fine. It was a balmy Black Friday morning in West Point, Mississippi. God damn it. Along with the standard stench, there was a buzz in the air as the townspeople eagerly stormed...

Hold on. How'd you know about the stench in West Point? What? Oh, I just figured. Okay. There was some type of standard stench. There was a buzz in the air as the townspeople eagerly stormed Love's Travel Stop to form dog piles and rugby scrums over 50% off farm toys and dog bones. The small city's entire population seemed to be in love that day.

That was except for one lonely, lonely boy. A downtrodden and sexually frustrated 17-year-old T. Brandon Walker stood on the side of Route 5045 with his chin down and thumb up. You gave me away. You weren't supposed to write about me. What? You weren't supposed to write about me. No, I think a lot of people. I was given the prompt of 18-year-old virgin.

Oh. That's good read the the back cover oh yeah the back cover okay okay oh we're allowed to do that all right uh a new yak tale bestseller sugar daddy dan katz assembled his crack team not to be confused with the other crack team with jersey jerry the Yak, comprised of a pregnant veteran, a racist oaf, a tiny man, za, that's Chinese, a ghastly redhead, a delusional Rutgers fan, a terminal Ricketts patient, and a D1 basketball, quotation marks, player. With their brains, they have birthed such brilliance as peeing when the plane lands, a token that allows strangers to kiss them, and plenty of physical humor for a largely audio-based program. But with their latest endeavor, an NYT bestseller, they plan to divert from their previous unserious ways and bring a totally new experience to anybody that knows them.

Their words hope to bring lust, arousal, and ultimately a sea of ejaculate out of your hard cock. Or the girl version of that. We love always hard cock. Or the girl version of that. With love always, the yak. Or the girl version of that. Who penned that one? Me. Nice. It's beautiful. Is that our goal, to make people come?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, it's 74 pages. 74 pages, and it's beautiful. It's a beautiful, beautiful book. There's a table of contents.

Yeah, I got the last chapter. Come flood Chimera fucking Brandon. Oh, God. I like that we have a disclaimer in there, too. This book is a work of fiction. Any references to events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the authors and imaginations and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental we should have will read this because he'll be like when did you when did you go to greece

are we doing an audiobook uh we should but we got to sell these first. It's first come, first serve. They're live now. They're live now. Part of legal's disclaimer was that they maybe don't want us to do an audio book. Okay. They don't want this being clippable. But we could also do it behind a paywall.

Every single podcast we have, we talk about. What if we started an OnlyFans? Ooh. Yeah. I don't want to ask. Titus, why'd you cut your hair? It was time. Elephant in the room.

Let's not talk about erotica. It was time. I don't know. It was time. It was getting, honestly, the weather getting cold and dry. It was such a pain in the ass to take care of my hair. Is it because your family was coming to town kind of that too yeah kind of but yeah this has been in the works for a while i knew thanksgiving

break i was gonna go get it chopped off but it's not even that short it's still still pretty long so but it is it is uh yeah i mean i said the last time we talked about my hair on the show like it's i i did have the moment where i was like i don know if I'll ever grow my hair out this long again. There's weirdly too much weight to getting a haircut like that. Yeah. It shouldn't be that big of a... You're just not as cute as you were last year. No, you've lost some cuteness.

Yeah, now it's like hard body cop. Yeah, right. It's like he will fuck you up. I think you pull it off for the surest. I do look like... I felt like I looked like Rudy at one point when I was looking in the mirror. I felt like I looked like Taylor. A middle reliever for you.

Oh, damn, man. I'm sorry you felt like you looked like Rudy and Taylor. I felt like I looked like Donnie a little bit. I don't know. But then I just realized we're all just like basic-ass white guys. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You are a loser.

Oh. Oh, yeah. it's the oh oh oh yeah yeah we're crying ryan yeah we lost it's okay crying ryan you you guys love that it's i mean alliterations always that's not a little that's not that's right rhyming it's a rhyming. Works. Yeah. Crying Ryan. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, what do you want me to say? It was a bummer. I want you to cry. I want you to cry. I want you to cry on air right now with Crying Ryan. Close game.

Fun game. Fun game. Good sport. Good sport. Good sport we were watching. Yeah, didn't go our way. Maybe next year. Maybe next year. Maybe next year.

Yeah. How's everyone feeling? How's everyone's Thanksgiving? It's good. Damn good. Yeah, damn good? Yes, I spent it in Chinatown. Really?

I did hot pot, and then I bought trinkets with spelling errors. Ooh. I got a keychain that says Pokemon on it, and it's a fucking Digimon figure. Ooh. Yeah, crazy. I had Ben Mintz at my house for 12 hours. Yeah. Can we play the video of Ben Mintz coming into your house?

Yeah. It was 15 minutes late. Before he entered the house, what a performer. Shea got a 7-0 lead off the bat with his fantasy. His aggressive fantasy about being alone on Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah.

Weird. Yeah, dude, we got to recap all of that. The Mints put up like 28. Yeah, start with Che because this was – Che's a serial. It's like 10 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, right? And he texts the group. He put a prompt out being like, what is every single guy's fantasy uh for thanksgiving

now i i will back chay slightly in the fact that um thanksgiving might be one of the longest days uh as a parent because it's like everything's out of whack and like your kids don't really realize like oh we're eating earlier now and and everything's just stupid, and you've got to just be around family all day. So I get where his headspace was, but then he dropped the ultimate Che serial killer fantasy. You're a weirdo, buddy. I don't like the lights on, but I don't think anything else about that was weird. My Thanksgiving morning was just a nightmare.

I was at my parents', drove to a train station, had to catch a train with my kids and my family. I saw Ken Jack. Yeah, that sucks. That's a nightmare. Yeah, all right. There's a nightmare. Forgot the kids' coats, so realized I had to drive back

like three hours round trip the next day. What? For kids' coats? Couldn't have just gone to send you the coats? Could just go buy a coat? We needed them for the next day. Wait, you drove an hour and a half back to get the coats? Could just go buy a coat? We needed them for the next day. Wait, you... You could go buy a coat. You drove... Go buy some coats. You drove an hour and a half back to get the coats?

The next day, yeah. But, like, I realized that, and then I just had, like, all this luggage. It was the worst. I was standing on the train for, like, an hour, and, yeah, I was just thinking about how great Thanksgiving would be if I was just by myself. I described the ideal single-man Thanksgiving with no responsibility spending the day by himself. By the way, just because you're single doesn't mean you don't still have family.

Yeah, what did that mean? This could be any day. This could be any day. Yeah, so here it is. Nachos. Not really. Why is this so much better on Thanksgiving? Yeah, right.

This could be any day. Why not Sunday? This could be any Sunday, any Saturday. Nachos, Lions game, Wings, Beer, Cowboys game. I get that fully. Play a game of Madden hit the bench press for a couple sets. That's after nachos wings and beer. Yeah I like to I like to get a couple of sets on the bench after I've had some beer. OK. Night NFL game

with Chinese food. Damn right. Shop some late night deals for Black Friday but just end up looking up old jerseys on eBay. Yep. So why can't you do that on any NFL day. Well I'm here. I kind of do. But I was just thinking about how nice that would be on Thanksgiving. That doesn't sound nice on Thanksgiving. Yeah. Sounds awesome.

No like you could like if I were single it'd be like just getting blackout drunk on my couch with my family kind of around and watching football and then having someone cook a meal for me. Yeah. Yeah. That's a perfect Thanksgiving. That's what I did. Yeah. Right. Exactly.

It's awesome. Yeah. It's like you could still be around your family. You just don't have to partake as much. Yeah. You're just drinking beers by yourself on the couch. Right. While everyone's making food for you.

Right. While you watch football. While you watch football. Then you get up and you eat the food. Then you go back to the couch and take a nap. Take a nap. Yep. And watch more football.

Yep. It's the best day ever. Yeah. You don't have to be by yourself to do that. Also, Che's brain, he went straight to like, what does a single guy do? Yeah. Nachos. Nachos, beers beers bench press i've said

this before but to understand che fully you have to understand a couple facts one is he found out about barstool sports through me doing a 10 minute hit on mike and mike before i did the nathan's hot dog uh eating competition so che up until 2016 ish just didn't know Barstool existed and thought only sports coverage was Mike and Mike. That's Che. That is Che's brain. And then I've always described Che as when the NFL does football as family stuff and those commercials,

those are geared for Stephen Che's brain. He is that guy. He's a perfect cliche of the everyman in America. But not really, because then you get deeper into it, and you're like, what's going on in this brain? I don't see who wouldn't love that day. I'm just saying, if you're a guy that lives alone, and then the one special day a year where you see family,

you're just missing the everyman. Yeah, that's always depressing. Being by yourself on holidays is, no matter how much you try to put the lipstick on the pig it is like a little depressing that yeah this is the one day you're supposed to get two days a year two days a year you're supposed to find people that love you and invite you to spend time with them and even though you kind of hate being with them you back your mind you're like oh some people might die yeah i do technically love these people yeah and being completely alone on that day and change like i'll instead of doing that being with my family i'll just do a regular saturday in a single guy's life yeah that's a

regular saturday i do that twice a week that day minus the bench press that's great that's that's a fair point mark i didn't i thought about it more in a silo of just this day. I didn't really think about the bigger picture about what this guy's doing the other 364 days. But to me in that moment, that just sounded like pure bliss. Yeah, what you should have done is you should have tweeted, what would you do on Thanksgiving if you were an orphan? Yeah. If you were an adult orphan.

That's really what the question was. An adult orphan is very funny. Yeah, a single adult orphan. what would your day look like? He's still acting like a child. A 40-year-old orphan. That's the movie. Yeah, he's a 40-year-old orphan. That's the dream.

What do you do if nobody loves you? He's picking pockets with the rest of the boys as an adult. Your parents live long lives. He's selling newspapers. He's with Christian Bale singing songs in the streets of New York. He's next up in Grueline. Adult orphan dream. Here's the day.

Maybe that's our next book, Stephen Che, the adult orphan. Yeah, like a rich man the same age adopts him. Oh, man. Yeah, you're like adopting a friend at that point. Yeah. Oh, fuck, Che. You're something else, dude. I had a buddy that spent Thanksgiving by himself this year in my neighborhood,

and he just went to another person's house. Well, Nick did. Yeah. Pretty damn much. Pretty damn much. Yeah, did you bench press or what? No, I didn't bench press. No, I had my partner in crime in town.

Went to Chinatown, had hot pot. Beautiful. It was good-ass stuff. Cooking meat and hot broth. How many days of diarrhea before you got to get worried? Three. You're running on three. This is your third straight day.

Third. Basically, on Sunday morning, I was the George W. Bush mission accomplished picture. And I was like, I'm good. And then I just, no, I'm not good. Does it hurt? My stomach is... I had a moment on Friday night, I want to say, where I woke myself up with a burp. That's rough.

That's so depressing. That is terrible. To just be like, I woke myself up out of a deep sleep with a large burp. My own burp. You need football season to end. I need football season to end. I am running on just pure fumes at this point.

I look like shit. I feel like shit. Are you afraid if the Bears made the playoffs and you had to be more involved? Oh, man. Yeah, that's not a hypothetical. Yeah, that's crazy talk. That's adult orphan. That's sci-fi.

Yeah, right. Wait, what's sci-fi? I actually watched that show. It's great. Oh, Severance? Yeah. Is it sci-fi? I actually watched that show. It's great. Oh, Severance? Yeah. Is it sci-fi? Oh, yeah.

Oh. Very much. Undeniably. Will, what a guy. How are we doing with book sales? Everyone please buy a book. Again. We know already.

These are first come, first serve. They will never be on sale again. I think the fact that we were able to pull this one off has emboldened us that we will maybe write more books. But each one that we release, we will only release a certain amount. And it will be a buy it and then it's gone. Never to be seen again. Whoa. Yeah.

Where is the best place this book could, like, wind up one day? Oh, man. We've been told that if it winds book could wind up one day? Oh, man. We've been told that if it winds up, like, legal sentences note being like the White House. The White House. The White House. Maybe Putin getting it gifted to him by Trump. Oh, that'd be great. Yeah.

I do love the conundrum that legalists found themselves in where- They thought we were going to just go put it in elementary school. Yeah. Which actually would be great promotion. A book report on it. Yeah, if it became the lead story on Fox News, like a shocking book has shown up in Chicago Public Schools. We make libs of TikTok.

Have you seen kids' books nowadays? No, no, no. This is tame. Yeah, they were very nervous that we are just the worst people alive. Well, we did write the book. But the thing is, like, there's a trillion erotica books. Yeah. They just don't want us to hand it to children.

And we talk about smut all the time. And there's any child. 700 books. Holy shit. Hell yes. I love you, Yak fan. You guys are all sick of us. Wait, is that a bestseller?

Yeah. Is that a literal bestseller? Are we going to get on a chart? I don't know. You have to be on pace for it. Yeah, can we look up how much you need to be? If we sold 700 books every 20 minutes for the rest of the time, would we be the best The last 20 minutes, who sold more than 700 books?

No one. No one. No one. That's amazing. Yeah, we could say we're the best seller from noon central to noon 20 cyber monday cyber monday a cyber monday best seller for 20 minutes that's a lot of books that is that's insane that's a new credit i'm tweeting out that we have i want people to be able to get it i don't want people to miss it

we haven't said the number right but there's not a whole lot of them no we're almost halfway there I'm tweeting out that I want people to be able to get it. I don't want people to miss it. We haven't said the number, right? But there's not a whole lot of them. No, we're almost halfway there. 2,000. Get on it. There's the number. It's like 1,800.

1,800? So if you want one, you better get one. Better get one right now. It is worth it. It's a great book. I was very proud of my job. I wouldn't know, actually. I bet you it sucks, to be quite honest. It's probably terrible.

It can't be good. Some of these chapters have to be decent. The book art itself is worth putting on the shelf, though. Beautiful book. People are saying we're second only to the Bible, which sells a thousand per minute. Let's catch up.

I've got to give the Bible credit. It's been up there for a while. If you want to do book rankings, number one, the Bible. Number two, this book. We should make Nicky Smokes read this and come back and tell us what he thought. Do a book report.

Yeah, do a book report on this. Zah, you wrote yours from the perspective of the woman. Oh, Zah. You sicko. I got high and forgot what I was writing. I just kept writing. I just kept writing. Hell yeah.

All right, so here are all the chapters. Chapter one is Leprechaun Tease God by Nick. Chapter two is Devious Hobgoblin Pussy Junkie by Mook. Chapter three is Dracator with 18 cocks by Brandon. Chapter four is Twin Harp by tj uh chapter five is rock hard gremlin virgin by steven chapter six is third party bullfors nymph in in the in the eyes of the nymph is that what it's odd did yes sir he did halfway through it uh chapter seven cyclops that dies post orgasm by k chapter 8 Megatitty Yeti

by KB chapter 9 Def Goo Beast by Mark chapter 10 Come Flood Chimera fucking Brandon so looking at it it looks like Kate went the longest she had 13 pages anybody beat 13 pages for this I had I double spaced I went 7 pages look at the

spacing on my chapter look at this you can zoom in zoom in. Zoom in on this, TJ. My spacing went crazy. You zoom in. Where am I looking? You just made room for cum shots.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, look at that spacing. I made sure that when you read my chapter, you could do it quickly. Plenty of room for notes. Yeah. A lot of room for notes. a lot of room for notes i forgot i spaced it like this i also have an entire wikipedia uh entry on gyros just the link uh let's see how they the link physical yeah look look we just have a link look can you pull up my my uh chapter or no, TJ? Can you just pull up that page 68?

Page 68 has the gyros. Man, I'm proud of us. Yeah, we set our minds to something and we did it. We did it. And it's crazy just to see it in person. Yeah. Mark, you have two books now. I do, yeah.

Here's my chapter. This is actually in the book exactly like this. So it has the citations and everything. You plagiarized. Oh, 100%. You know how USA Today will post the list? Yeah. Will this have to make lists? I don't know.

I don't know. We have to feel like Reggie. If it sells enough. I don't know because we're not sold in sports stores. I don't feel like we printed enough. But we're also, I mean, it says right here in NYT. I do think this will get us sued, right? No, because it's a new yak tail.

Right. Okay. Yeah. Totally different. I do think if we printed enough, we could have gotten on the list. But how much do we need to get on the list? If 1,800 put 5,000. We could have done that too.

That's what I'm saying. If we would have printed more, we could have done that too we did that's what i'm saying if we would have printed more we could have legitimately got on the list but it's it depends on the retailer too like they're not going to believe our number if we say we sold 5 000 they're not it has to be a through a verified retailer right like amazon uh all that shit yeah we could use our own numbers we We could just lie. Yeah, always. Let's lie. Yeah. Yeah, why not?

Yeah, put like a... Are we signing some of these, TJ? There's a pen here. So these are the only ones that came to this office. Okay. If you want to sign them... Did we say we were going to sign all of them? I don't know that I do.

We did. We said we were going to sign all of them? How do we rectify that? They're not here. Maybe we can mail the people that bought the books, our signatures, and they can glue it in. Yeah, no, we could just

tweet out our signatures. Yeah, they can copy it. You guys have... Yeah. Is it bad to have your signature out there? I don't think so. Oh.

We can put our social security under it, too. I switch it up every time, yeah. You switch up your signature every time? I don't have any one that I go to. Standard. I'll tell you this. If you have the book in public ever, I will absolutely sign it. Yeah.

If you're carrying that around on the off chance of seeing us. I'll come on it. Will you come on it? Yeah, I'll come on the book. That was a dumb thing to say. Let's move. You will have to. There is some pages in the back that you could come on.

Is there coming pages? I believe there's a built-in coming page. I'll come on the end. Yeah, you could come on the end. Okay. Easy. I want to hear more about Mincy's Thanksgiving with you. First of all, we don't have to debate when I eat Thanksgiving dinner.

It's just when I eat Thanksgiving dinner, okay? I eat Thanksgiving dinner at 1130. Who are you talking to? Everybody. Who are you talking to? Everybody in the world. We don't have to debate that. But I eat at 1130.

So when Mincy said, what time should I be there? I said, we eat at 1130. He said, all right, I be about there by 11 30 he got there at 11 45 which means my wife who was waiting to serve the food was just waiting for him and she was standing there waiting she was yeah she had everything in its proper spot and she was just waiting she was literally sitting beside the uh beside the bar waiting to serve but anyway he got there at 11.45, and then you saw the video. That's exactly. This is so mince.

11.45. He does a full turn. 11.45, he shows up. I don't know why he goes there in the first place. We have lunch. It's the only place a fire hydrant is. Fixes it. Goes farther away.

If you're just parking in the driveway, asshole. Hey, where's he going? He's got that mom car, too. It has a broken fender. I wonder how that happened. Jack McGuire said it perfectly. The idea of Mincy behind the wheel is very... Don't get out.

Just park it in the driveway. Son of a bitch. Come on. Oh my god. What are you listening to? Benjamin? How we doing? Welcome.

Thank you. Sorry I'm 15 minutes late. That is very rude behavior on Thanksgiving. Agreed. But I thought it would also be rude to shower over here after a rant, so I thought it was like a battle of the two of us. Agreed. Okay, good.

He wrecked his car. Yeah. So we went in, and we sat down. My mother-in-law was there, too, and we ate, and he and my mother-in-law talked a lot. They talked about New Orleans and Hogs for the Cause. Oh, he got Hogs for the Cause. He got everything in.

He played the hits. My mother-in-law never heard them. Second act? Second act, yeah. It was there. I think she bought a brick watch. Oh. A lot went on.

And then we just had a day we we just ran around went out by the lake i was about to say that would trip me yeah the beautiful picture of you and him sitting at the lake yeah so so we just did that and then he left for a while and came back and we did the game that was it and did he take a shit at your house he did and he didn't what didn't wipe how'd you hit and wipe it was just turd. Here's the thing. Okay, you're there 12 hours. Nature calls. You got to take a shit.

But he didn't tell me beforehand. I just noticed he had been gone for about 10 minutes. He doesn't need to tell you. Yeah. What? Do you rather? I think that's better that he stands up in front of the family and just goes, Announcement.

You going to go take a shit? Take your poopy time. It was just me and him at that point. Once we ate dinner we me and him went down to the basement just me and him the rest of the day and uh yeah he he just he took a shit in my house that's fine you have to take a shit you take a shit and uh but when he came back i was i was very curious is he gonna correct the driving is he gonna fix it is he going to account for the dip right there? And he very much didn't. He hit it harder.

He hit it harder. Did you see him coming back? You didn't see this? Or will he do it again? I don't see this. He's arrived. Let's see if he does again. Is he easing into it?

I was losing my mind. I can watch him do that forever. Oh, my God. You realize, Brandon, you now have to invite him over regularly. Just so you can get the footage of him pulling in. Oh my god. Wait, what noise was that? And he said Topo Chico's?

What was that? When he moved to get out, you could hear bottles clanking together. What noise was that? Topo Chico's? My tub of Chico. What? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You got to invite him over again. No, I don't. I really don't. Are you taking a shit in my house? Oh, that's torturing. Yeah, he's frantically wiping right now. Oh, Brandon.

Oh, my God. This isn't the shitting toilet The shitting toilet's upstairs Okay, well, it didn't I promise it wasn't a bad one He promises it wasn't a bad one Oh, squanto numbers I want to see him coming in the driveway again Someone needs to remake it Where it's like, you know,

where like someone gets hit with a pan and it's the start of a song. Yeah. Someone needs to make that of Mincy going up twice. FSU Brando, get on that. Yeah. Come on. All right. He just attacks it.

I love that the front of the car is already like, is it already split in half? You should have had him park on the other side of the driveway. So he backs out of the driveway, moves and then pulls back in. Don't be so selfish, Brandon. Have Mincy back over. We need more videos of him pulling in your car. All right, I'll invite him over for something else. Honestly, have you done that?

Me? No, I've never done that. You've never made that mistake? I have high profile cars. His fender was already broken. He's done it many times, yes. He's just going around everything. Just scraping the whole world.

In fact, Kyle, I've never noticed that indentation there at all. I didn't know it was there. I didn't know. It never felt like it was something I had to be concerned about. And he has proven that it is if you drive like that. Unbelievable. I just remember when he left.

He left about 3 o'clock. He was coming back at 6. I remember being so excited with anticipation to see if he would do it again. And making sure. I kept texting him, tell me when you're two minutes out. Tell me when you're two minutes out. He never did. So I just had to guess. So I just sat out there in the cold waiting for him.

But it was worth it. It was totally worth it. The first time he pulled in, did you catch it that he did that? Or did you post the video and then see everyone else commenting on it? I knew immediately that he did that, but I didn't know that I had captured 45 seconds of just comedy of him pulling up to the fire hydrant. Literally, he found the fire hydrant.

He's like, I'm going to park right in front of him. Keep in mind, you've been to my house. I have. The driveway is huge. Yeah. It is obvious, park in the driveway. There's no doubt about it. Didn't you park in my driveway?

I don't know if I did. Parking in someone's driveway. You're all over the place with your social norms here, Brandon. It's like you don't want him to shit in your – you want him to announce he's going to shit. Okay, fair enough. But you want him to also like – Fair enough. Because maybe that's intrusive.

I think I'd park in the turnaround. Yeah, if someone just pulls in and is like, I'm just going to park in his fucking driveway. The cul-de-sac complicates it a little bit. A little. You can't just park out front. I don't think he should have announced when he was going to shit. I would have if I were a guest at someone's house, I would have been like which bathroom would you prefer me to use?

Uh-uh. I think if you're watching a game with a guy, you just stand up and you go, I gotta shit. Yeah, but that's announcing. I say that to my boys. What's the best bathroom? But if you're at a family with mothers and grandmothers. You're shitting in the basement.

Since when is the basement shitter not the shitting shitter? That's where you shit. Yeah, that is the shitting shitter. Fair enough. Fair enough. What a Thanksgiving. Yeah, it was 12. It was there so long.

And the stream was great. Oh, the stream was great. The game was better than you thought it'd be, right? I mean, yeah. It was close for a while. It, the stream was great. The game was better than you thought it'd be, right? I mean, yeah. It was close for a while. It was close for a while. We were up 7-3 late in the third quarter. That's a big old plate.

Yeah, he took a lot. He ate a lot. He ate a whole lot. Oh, damn, Brandon. You killed someone. What's going on in the replies? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, you did a face? Oh, Brandon. Yeah. On Thanksgiving. I Oh, you did a face? Oh, Brandon. Yeah. On Thanksgiving. I mean, he came at us, so I just had to. I like y'all, but y'all make Mississippians look bad. He wasn't good looking. Be more fuckable, dude.

Yeah. This guy's like, I don't want to fuck you at all, Brandon. What was he saying? When I look at you, I don't get horny at all, Brandon. Fix that. What will make you horny is the NYT bestseller. God, I hope it doesn't, though. Ugh.

Oh, someone will. Thousands sold? Thousands sold. Wow. Jizzing on the page that says The End is so awesome. Yeah. Yeah, send us your biggest walk. Yeah, just go ahead and DM at BFW.

Yeah. Oh, shit, Brandon, you you did this is bullshit what I think I pulled up to your chapter the big day my birthday is this your chapter no that's way too whose chapter is this this is mean yeah this is your chat oh it is my uh a time where a young dragon look back at all he's accomplished in life and everything he'll do going forward, though. Not me, though. Not me. What the hell is this sentence? A time where a young dragon can look back at all he's accomplished in life

and everything he'll do going forward, though. Not me, though. I must have actually put too many of those in there. I had a date with the biggest pussy in all the land, Big Cat. Oh! Minutes flew by. I began to get into position. I carried over by a horse named Hank, who's never far from Big Cat's genitalia. From there, I jumped off Hank and set up on the path that would change my life.

It was time to become a man. It was time to unveil my 18 cocks. You know how to do it. I'd rather you didn't be the one. I'm excited for that chapter. Can I see that? I gotta see my sentence. Yeah, I don't know what happened there. This tweet is really making me reconsider. Dude, cage him.

Look how ambitious we were with the size of that spine. We can't even put a word on ours. It's a manual. That's a menu. Yeah, we're selling a brochure. Yeah. TJ, that's tough. We should have just made the type bigger.

I can't believe we went through with this. I'm very excited that we did, but it just felt like it could have been something that was a funny what if. And then we all forget about it the next day. You never do the what if. It's not like this was our thing. This was a one-off episode. Let's look at Ork's mouth. And it wasn't it because, I mean, that's how the show works.

But how did we start talking about this? Who knows? Him, right? Nick. Yeah. Somebody reading. This doesn't.

He orchestrated the whole thing. You pretty much wrote, spelled it out for him. This doesn't sound like something. No. It was a one-off episode that we just got down erotica. Oh, we started with what's her name? Yeah. How do we get there?

I don't even remember her name now. We were just talking about orcs, and then we looked at pictures of orcs, and then there was a picture of the cover. Yeah. Okay, yeah, orcs. I remember you went through an orc phase. Oh, we were talking about you.

You were always talking about orcs. You guys went through an orc misunderstanding. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I feel like it was literally someone was sitting off on the side couch, and we were pointing out the way we were sitting or the way something looked on camera or something, and then that somehow got us to orcs. If we would have sat in different seats that day, there would be no.

This is why I love this show so much, because we literally wrote an erotica novel, and we don't know why. We don't know why. When people explain the inside joke to us like we don't even know no idea yeah everything's so disjointed i was pissed writing like it was homework yeah me too yeah dude i got like six extensions remember yeah i got a secret extension you guys didn't even know about from tj he was like it has to be here on tuesday i was like i texted him on the side it was like thursday for me you got your own extension yeah i got my own extension i was procrastinating so much

man what a show i told mincey to come down because donnie just shared a tidbit uh that we need to hear from him straight from his mouth about how he broke his fender to begin with. So I would love. Yeah. How does he drive bad? Like Peter Griffin. It looked normal coming down the road. Like I didn't sound like it looked normal. And then he got to my driveway and just dove right in. Remember that video he did where he's driving on the highway and it was just so unsettling. Getting rehired by Daveave right yeah he was going so fast yeah he had no hands on the wheel it was like that rap video where the guy's smoking a block yeah 100 miles per hour everyone is in danger right that wasn't a rap video wasn't that just a black guy no he was

he was rapping he didn't spit a single bar yo you guys got to check out this video. It's just the movie Flight. I would love to hear Mincy's car mic'd up. Yeah, he's rapping. It's not like a music video. Now we way up. Yeah, he's rapping. He's flying, dude.

He's going so fast. He's a spaceship. Oh my god. You'reobahn you know it's like a nissan ultima too yep oh yeah there's got to be a way you could fake that right yeah by the way so today we have a big day coming up at 1 30 we're going to end the yak and we're going to start the producer bowl uh which is going to be incredible so nick k, KB, and PFT are announcing it. Jerry and I are reffing. Brandon and Titus are coaches. And we did the draft last week, last Tuesday.

So we have two teams of 12, although Jack McCarthy's in South America. South Africa. Oh, I heard it was South America. I believe it was in Cape Town. Oh. Let's just say South America. It's funnier. Yeah.

Jack McCarthy's in South America, and Max has a foot injury. Dude, it's disgusting. It's so gross. What happened to it? He got a fungus? He got an ingrown toenail that he then had to go to the ER for. Can we show the picture? It is nasty.

Did they tweet it? I tweeted it yeah he had to go to the hospital and he can't do any physical activity for 10 days it's so gross he's had this foot thing for that's something you gotta know about for a while just ignore it he's had it for a year and he's kind of ignored it until it i guess reached a critical mass. What do you mean? He had what for it? He had an ingrown toenail. Oh, God. Yeah. One more. It's bad.

How do you just ignore that? I'm going to ignore my purple toe. And then you wake up one day and you're like, I should probably get that checked out. I should probably do something about that. I think there's something wrong. Yeah, my toe is oozing. Oh, man.

He's a gross person. Gross, gross person. And I told him, I explained it to him, like, for better or worse, if you are overweight and you have something bad happen, people just assume the worst. Like, you can't reach your toes or you don't clean your feet. Or you brought this upon yourself. Right. Right. If you have a medical issue and you're overweight,

people just don't feel bad for you. Yeah, because you're a slob. Right, exactly. You're just gross. A lazy slob. Right. Change your diet and your foot won't look like that. Right.

Exactly. Eat a salad and your foot will heal. It's essentially what people all assume. We got Jerry and Hank warming up badminton, which we played today. One of my favorite games. There he is. I can't help but notice the shuttlecock can go through the net, so I'm sure that won't be a problem.

That won't be controversial at all. By the way, Mincy is going to be doing sideline reporting for the Producer Bowl today. Was that why you're dressed up? Yeah, Hank told me to dress up for the sideline reporting. I love it. Mincy. How are we doing, Big Cat? Your car.

Yes. How did you first break your bumper? So I might have, when I was in Oxford, this was, I guess this was like mid-October, so I probably should have gotten it fixed. I might have bumped into a tree, tree stomp, not paying attention probably, and lit up my bumper. That sounds like a car accident. It was just me and the tree.

Tree stomp? It was just me and the tree. Tree stumps are always in grass. It was a mutually consensual relationship, me and the tree. Tree stumps aren't on roads. They aren't on roads. They aren't on roads. It was like right off. Yeah, it wasn't good.

You drove to the woods first. No, it was just right. It was like kind of in front, but it was, yeah, it wasn't good. It wasn't good. Did you try to drive over the tree like you thought you could? Were you at like a sporting event? I was like in front of a buddy's house. Did it surprise you, the tree?

Yeah, it was like right in front of my buddy's house. It wasn't good. Can he send a picture, the tree? Yeah. It was like right in front of my buddy's house. It wasn't good. Can he send a picture of the stump? He doesn't live there anymore, but I can get one this weekend for you maybe. Yeah, all right. He moved since mid-October? What's up? Well, it wasn't – he'd already moved, but the people said I could park there

because it was by the square and they were paying respect to the king. What king? Let me park by the square. Wait, so you just hit a tree. How fast were you going? I was just not very. I just, like, put it in drive, and, yeah, it wasn't good. It wasn't good.

He said that so casually. So casually. They paid respect to the king, and I was also like, who is he talking about? Martin Luther? Not in Oxford, no. There's an MLK in every town, every southern city, MLK Street. Hey. Watch.

How did you do in the foot race? What race? The turkey trot. The foot race. The turkey trot was good, man. I think I ran like 50 minutes for five miles. Nice. But I was just trying to get geared up because just in case I have weather in Memphis, because

the half marathon is Saturday in Memphis. But check the weather report. It's going to be mid-50s, 30% chance of rain. I think we can deal with that. What's your recovery process like? Are you hurting the next day after? No, man. I feel really good.

I stretch a ton before because my hamstrings are tight. When I realized, I get on the ground to stretch now and really do a lot. uh i feel i mean it's the best i've probably ever felt i'm willing to say that uh shooting for like the half i know i won't stop but you run through saint jude's campus and the kids that are they have cancer out there cheering you on on like mile six or seven so i mean i think this might be like an emotional deal um but you know as far as like i remember big cat we did the 60 minute 10k i well 61 minutes well 59 on the 58 on the second i don't think it was quite but this one i think like i mean i'm gonna try to run under two and a half hours like you know i think that being 13.1 you know i think i'll probably keep a 10 or 11

minute pace most of the time i'm gonna try to really gas the last mile. Do you have a pacer? Yeah, so I've got a buddy, one of my best friends, who's been on this whole journey with me, who helped me with the quit drinking and great influence. He's going to run it all with me, and he's in great shape. He's going to clip me the whole race for Barstool. Oh. He's in great shape.

Nice. So a runner 10 or 11 minutes is nothing to him, so he's just going to hold a phone and get a ton of clips for this um but yeah i'm super i mean i never thought at 40 years old i'd be running a half i mean it's a big thing that's awesome yeah you're like a new man it's a big thing for me second act baby yeah second act second act so it's gonna be fun love it and had fun thanks for brandon and your wife everybody hosted me i really the shit wasn't bad what no it was a weak one i was actually yeah yeah it really like hardly anything came out oh okay so then i'll bring that might as well

that was because that quality of food that you know yeah what the food was so good the fried okra at their place is the best i've ever had remind me the context of uh mincy alfie you when he when he quote tweeted and said your wife oh brandon said i showed up with a plate and nobody asked and his wife like pretty oh yeah i take the plate yeah that's right but it's a great hospitality over there though yeah it couldn't have been nicer his mother-in-law was very sweet friends were the the egg bowl i felt like he went in with low expectations and then state no but state did just enough when they got the lead good job buddy really hard state did just enough to get his hopes up that was the problem yeah he didn't want to get his hopes up going in at all and then they were up seven three in the third and he got

to the point where he's like okay we might win and yeah and they didn't they didn't and they hired you listen giving your best best, sometimes that's enough. They hired Ole Miss' offensive coordinator from two years ago. Oh, wow. You hired an Ole Miss guy? I didn't know that. We hired a guy from Oklahoma who left Ole Miss the second he could. We did not hire an Ole Miss coach. We hired an Oklahoma coach.

He formerly coached at Ole Miss. That's fine. You guys have nobody on your staff that ever coached at Mississippi State, I'm sure, ever. No, I mean, it's – I'm not. I don't bite me. I mean, I think it's a good hire. Okay.

I think Levy's going to be good. And he's well-connected. I'm curious if he's going to bring any – he's real tight with the Browles family. I wonder if – Oh. He's in the – he's married to the Browles family. Oh, that's good. Oh, yeah.

That's a good family, right? I wonder if any of them are going to make their way to Starkville. Those are good people. It would be funny if Art Bryles was on the states. RG3 won Heisman under Bryles, right? Yeah. And then what happened to Bryles after that? He must have gone on to coach for a long time.

Yeah, that's great, man. Guy's his son-in-law. It's not like he follows him. He's his son-in-law. He married his daughter. Look, I'm not judging. I think Levy's going to be a good coach. I think he's always been a good – He did a job he's an officer did a great job at central florida

is oc he's good he did a good job he's good good oc at oklahoma i mean i don't know i'm gonna kick you in the face i don't think it's a bad hire levy levy yeah it just all depends on the defensive coordinator team but he's a good quarterback developer. I mean, I think it'll be entertaining. Lebby sounds like he already got his hockey nickname. Lebby. Yeah. Oh, Upper Deck Lebby. Yeah. Oh, there he is, Lebby.

So the food was good, though. Food was really good. You never had fried okra like that, huh? No, because usually the fried okra is like too much breading. Yeah. But like there was just a little breading on it, and it was super fresh okra. It was the best fried okra.

What was missing from the table that at a Ben Mint traditional Thanksgiving would have been on the table? I mean, I think they had it pretty covered. Really? They had good sweet potatoes. Did you sell a brick watch? No, I just told him that. You talked to my mother-in-law so long that she basically bought a brick watch.

Yeah, I don't think I saw that. Your mom wasn't in town, right? Hey, they are 50% off for the last day. Yeah. Last last day you should follow up on that lead follow up on that lead yeah yeah get the number get the number close it your mom wasn't in town for my mom no i know she texted me yeah you want to see no i don't i don't i will i will say brandon the the stuff with tommy was was pretty funny yeah well well brandon like, I didn't have the heart to record. I felt it was too much to record it. But Brandon at halftime was like, all right, Tommy, enough's enough.

You're a Mississippi State fan. You're in this family. All this questioning. Did he smack him around a little? Yeah, but he's just like, I get that you're getting a big react. Everybody's giving you a big reaction. But he's like, you're part of this family. Enough's enough.

I fucked him up a little bit. What was the text? I didn't fuck him up, KB. Go get the switch, Tommy. Oh fucks you up yeah uh no i just i was just telling you know tommy knows when people laugh at him for what he's saying and tommy puts on a little bit that's all he's a showman well it's funny i'll do that he comes down in the fourth quarter with a whole bottle of water and because people on the stream are offering him money to do stuff and he's like i'm sorry mitzi he was like trying to get paid 50 bucks to dump all this water on me and brandon was like absolutely not wow brandon tommy was what he was doing was he

was going upstairs watching the stream reading the chat the chat would say tommy 50 bucks go pour this on minty and he was gonna do it oh that's a win i had to tell everyone yeah i know but i had to not tell me that's not how we're going to act. But it was funny how he like, instead of just doing it, he like was like, I'm sorry. I thought that was kind of cute.

What did Brandon's mom text you? Uh, she texts me, talk a good bit. Um, she calls me Nichols. Oh, um,

she said morning Nichols. I miss you. Love mama V. I said, Vic, you old dog. I didn't say that. She said, morning, Nichols. I miss you. Love, Mama V. I said, Vic, you old dog. I didn't say that. I said, Vic, miss you, Mama. I promise you. Sending all my love.

When are you in town next? And she said, dot, dot, dot, hopefully Christmas. Have you not invited her for Christmas? She can come to Christmas if she wants. Invite her. That was the invite right there. I invited her and Caitlin to come over for Christmas. Love it.

And Ben. But she's scared of flying, so she has to drive up. So it makes it a little bit more. Like John Madden. Is Mincy coming over like a new tradition? No. I mean, every holiday. We do the Egg Bowl.

Every Thanksgiving. As long as that Egg Bowl is Thanksgiving and then hopefully I stay employed here. Yeah, you should go to every. always yeah if i survive this year i think i should be good but uh we always watch the thanksgiving i mean i got hired off the egg bowl thing and hey i also want to say this thanks to everybody tuned in we got like 320 000 views on that stream uh that's pretty awesome damn near a million on your uh car video well you know i feel like i embarrass myself better than most. At least I take it well. You don't get embarrassed.

Can we go through the thought process of you parking that car? Yeah. There wasn't much of one. I just thought. You drove up. I was standing in the driveway. This is the second time, right? The first time.

Well, I circled around kind of being embarrassed about my bumper, and you were like, why are you doing that? But it was actually because I knew I was going to get trolled. Oh, you were embarrassed about the bumper. You were trying to hide it. Oh, you were trying to hide it. Okay, I see. Yeah, I was kind of like, I know I was going to get trolled. Oh, you were embarrassed about the bumper. You were trying to hide it. Oh, you were trying to hide it. Okay, I see. Yeah, I was kind of like, ah, no, I'm going to get trolled for this.

Oh, okay. Who would have thought? He tried driving away. And you found the one fire hydrant. Parked right next to it. You can just park in the driveway, asshole. Hey! Oh, millions.

Where's he going? Matt! That does add up now that you say you're trying to hide the bumper. Yeah. That would have done a great job if you just would have stopped right there. This, I guess, did the opposite of that. Hey, boy, don't get out. Hey, boy.

Just park it in the driveway. I wouldn't have put it out if you didn't want me to. Oh, I don't care. Okay. I don't care. Look. Was there a part of you? I mean, how many people clicked it? Did you?

Right here. Here we go. Here we go. It's 4.3 mil. Boom. Oh,'t care. Look. Was there a part of you when you – I mean, how many people clicked it? Did you? Right here. Here we go. Here we go. 4.3 mil. Boom. Oh, my God. What's going through your head? You're like, this is going to be gold.

People are going to eat this up. Did you make a noise? I just – I knew it was coming and just embraced it. Oh, you did. You came back. Did you remember what happened the first time? Yeah, at that point, I was fully committed. Okay.

Here's the thing, though. And you can convince me either way, but I don't know that you even heard the first time because you listened to that music so goddamn loud. That didn't come through on the phone. The music you were listening to in that car was so fucking loud. I was probably jamming some stuff. Yeah, I was jamming some tunes.

You got to jam. Always. Got to keep the energy upbeat, baby. Turn the beat up. All right, Mincy. Well, thank you. Sideline Reporter. Excited. Starting at 1.30, the stream. Don't forget about the brick watches, boys.

And ladies, think about it. You don't know what you want to get your man for Christmas. Put a brick watch under his Christmas holiday shopping. That's going to make him so happy. Brick your man up. 50% off. Sup, ladies. 50% off.

Sup, ladies. All right. Love Smokin'. Thank you, Mincy. Thank you. That was a disaster. That was really, really dangerous. How is Team Smokin' doing right now? We play.

I want to get ahead of this. Jeff texted me. He just tripped over nothing. Oh, yesterday we got an email because they were, I think they were like putting in the volleyball circles and they were like installing them. And it was like an email being like, please do not touch these. They're drying.

Mincy came in Sunday football, and the first thing he did was walk right over one of them and close it and i was just like what are you doing mincy he's like oh shit i didn't see that there it's just that's who he is what are you gonna do uh wait we uh so jeff jeff this was we recorded on like tuesday or monday or something and jeff uh texted our team was like you guys are gonna play dave and then he texted me and was like, yeah, I want you versus Dave. And I interpreted that. We were recording on Tuesday leading up to Ohio State Michigan.

So I was like, oh, this is like a big thing that Jeff's going to put this out like on Friday or something leading up to the game or whatever. So I show up on – I'm like, Dave's going to be decked out in Michigan shit. I got to go all in on Ohio State stuff. So I wore – I changed out of the clothes I was wearing, put an Ohio State sweatshirt put on an Ohio State hat and I get on the zoom call and Jeff was like we're airing this after well after the game um so anyway that's gonna look extra bad I think it's yeah exactly so it's this week and I got Dave has nothing on by the way in fact Jeff like brings it up.

He's like, we're actually recording this before Ohio State Michigan. And Dave's like, Jeff, nobody gives a fuck. The game already happened. Let's keep it moving. Oh, my God. I think that comes out. It was a fun match. Mincy's great at trivia.

I love him being on our team because he's in between. He's either 0% or 100% about every single answer. There's no in between. And there's no muddy in the waters. I just go, Mintz, what do you think? He goes, no idea. He's never guessed. Never guessed, ever.

He's never done a hydro pool. And I've tried to, like, the couple matches we've played, I've tried to nudge him along. I'm like, Mintzy, you've got to know some of it. Does this name – it wasn't at the guy from the thing. He's like, I told you, I don't know.

Quit trying to figure it out. Quit hollering at me. But then every so often, he's like, I know this one a hundred percent. Oh man. He'll pull it. He's,

it's been the best. It's been a blast. So, uh, Nick, you want to do the high noon ad read? Yes, sir.

Less than 600 books left. Again, it's gone forever after today. Folks, it's towards the end of November. You know what that means. It's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized long games because the High Noon Game Day Pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry,

along with black cherry and grapefruit. It's made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories. It's gluten-free and no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, not a long time. Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you. We have to have a conversation at some point

about our next High Noon Premium episode. Oh, yes. Maybe later this week or maybe next week. Yeah. Interesting. Sounds week. Yeah. Interesting. Sounds great. Okay. What else we got going on?

Dave got written up in the New York Post for quitting gambling. They write about everything he does. Yeah. What an outrageous headline. Dave Portnoy quits gambling after crushing bills loss. Mm-hmm. They'll write it. Yeah.

I assume he just tweeted out something like the times or the post oh the post you know who's not quitting gambling dave kyle no you're just the you hit that parlay on thanksgiving or a college football parlay the other day yeah i'm i'm placing a lot of parlays yeah i'm gonna tell you i'm in deep it's not like i'm winning everyone all right all right i'm posting my dog but you do have me thinking like why is there i don't know the names are so good the bookworm i thought the when jayden yeah i played that he scored in the first two minutes of thanksgiving and i was like this motherfucker technically the bookworm was love to read oh love through love to read.

Oh. Love through it to read. That was it. So you hit it. It hit, yeah, and I won big money. Damn. If you bet both sides of a game and then only tweet out the slip that won and you do that enough...

Right. I just feel like... That's what I was doing, essentially. And then figure out a way to flip that to monetize it. People would get suspicious if you're not tweeting. You're never losing. It's like Lenny Dykstra, his stock record. It was like 622-1.

Through in that one. Yeah. His what record? Look it up, TJ. Stock market. He was like on 60 minutes eating twizzlers being like he is they bought it for a while they're like this guy picks all the winning stuff that one loss yeah he must not be lying something about athletes like they have a window after their athletic career is over where they could convince anyone of anything just being like yeah he's an athlete Now he's a hedge fund man.

Yeah. People are like, yeah, sure. That makes sense. Yeah, because he's got the competitive drive. Yeah, right. It's the same tools, really. Yeah, he's got an eye for excellence. Yeah.

It's the same. In reality. You just buy it right away. You know, he was scamming everything. Right. Yeah. See, if you can find it, TJ, it's like, yeah, it's like something, maybe 350 in one. He did throw can find it, TJ. It's like, yeah, it's like something maybe 350 and one.

He did throw in the one, though. That was great. Just chomping on Twizzlers. Good old Lenny. Have we even mentioned the producer bowl that we're doing? Yeah, we did. We're doing it. It's coming up in 20 minutes.

So it's a game to 1,000, but half-court shots are worth 25. So here are the rules. I have the graphic. So we'll do it. So TJ, correct me if I'm wrong, but everyone who's watching the Yak at the end of the Yak will be pushed to the stream, right? Yeah, it might take a couple minutes. It's on the Stow Streams YouTube channel.

Everyone, please, yeah, do watch because it's going to be great. We figured the genesis behind this is everyone knows that we're doing this Black Friday, Cyber Monday to get bonuses for producers. I know people, I had to explain to someone the other day because they're like, why don't you just pay them more? It's like, this is how a company works. If we had just never said this, people probably would have been paid more if we had crushed Black Friday and Cyber Monday. That's called a bonus we're just making it apparent so that you can support the shows and the people that you love which i appreciate everyone who who has bought something the last couple days but instead of just spamming you with links which i understand we do and we have to do it you know

for five days a year uh we're gonna do the producer bowl so you'll watch and every ten thousand dollars sold during it we'll do a punishment wheel so people get to watch a game it'll be fun and the rules are it's 11 on 11 or yeah i think it's 11 on 11 now uh we'll be five on five for for traditional basketball it's first team to a thousand uh half court shot is worth 25 points threeourt shot is worth 25 points, three-quarter shot is worth 75 points. After every 10 minutes of basketball played, we'll stop and play a mini-game. Each mini-game is worth 150 points. So the mini-games are dodgeball, badminton, soccer shootout,

three-point shootout, wiffle ball, home run derby, bocce. I think there's a golf thing too. So the mini-games will be very, very fun. Yeah, those are important. And we'll keep it spiced up so it won't be just watching an entire, you know, two and a half hours of people playing basketball.

Damn. And there's a lot of strategy going into this. When did you make that face? We have like team meetings. When I was taking a shit at your house right before Mincy. Did you say that wasn't that bad? Yeah. There was too much breading on the outside. It was a selfie. When I was eating a shit at your house right before Mincy. Did you say that wasn't that bad? Yeah.

There was too much breading on the outside. It was a selfie. When I was eating at your house, I slipped off. It's going to be great. Brandon, do you have the itch now to play competitively in a league or something? Yeah, I do. I knew it. You should.

I do. I think that'd be great for you. Play what? I'm not in good enough shape yet, though. Play what? I need to actually basketball. Are we doing a 16-inch softball league this summer yes i want to do all 100 yes yeah i actually think there's a media league yeah and we could maybe join yeah i would like that would

be embarrassing if we lost to like the chicago tribune fine that's fine yeah but we should join it we have some guys who played oh poor uh harry who's harry's on team on titus so harry i found out this today we were talking about all the college athletes yeah harry played lacrosse at michigan that's incredible big old four years incredible what a steal we were just like we're like oh yeah he was like a late round pick he's like yeah i i played lacrosse at michigan like that's incredible played he's like yeah i mean i played lacrosse in Michigan. That's incredible. I played? Yeah, I mean, I was not a starter, but I played.

Playing D1 in Michigan. Well, that doesn't count. I think if you don't score at least nine points in your career, you're kind of a fucking fraud. You're kind of a fucking fraud. Nine points means you're good. Nine points means you're good. Anything less than that, you fucking suck.

It's so close to double digits. Jack McCarthy, are you worried? Because he was touted as one of the best basketball players. Are we going to talk about that? What? Jack McCarthy is not playing because he just went on vacation. South America. South Africa, I thought.

It would be funnier if it was South America. Yeah, funnier. I started that rumor yesterday, and then someone told it back to me later on in the day and I was like mission accomplished wait is it a rumor you know he's in South Africa

but I started saying South America and then later on in the day someone was like oh you hear Jack McCarthy is in South America I was like yes no yeah he's on a boys trip

South Africa oh that's gay yeah that is gay they're fucking each other yeah he didn't know that there was going to be football in November. A boys trip to Africa. During conference championship week.

Yeah, you can't predict those things. I would like to go on a safari with the boys. Was it a spontaneous safari? No, he had it planned. You still have Reed, and he's out there. He has one leg sleeve on today yep it's over good fasoli i got two tall boys reed is locked in and fasoli so you can only play like a certain amount of games and fasoli volunteered yeah to play i think the other team had a guy who did that too

yeah i heard that yeah so fasoli we were doling out the games for solely every time i'd say who wants to play this for solely to raise his hand hand, he wouldn't play every one of them. I love it. Would you expect anything else? Trey also corrected himself when we called him Jokic. He said he's more like Tyler Hansborough, which I think is better in this game. They'd rather have Tyler Hansborough. This is basketball, brother. Yeah, still.

I was like, I need to rethink my entire strategy as coach. If in this game Tyler Hansborough would be better than Jokic, I need to rethink. Well, the mini games. Yeah. Nicky Smokes. And then we have, since the social team will be playing, we have content running social.

You have until Friday. Read this. Make a book report. Don't tweet about it until you've finished the whole book. Make a book report. Maybe a PowerPoint. Okay. Thanks, Smokes. Thank you. We won't have a Friday show. Friday show. about it until you finish the whole book. Make a book report. Maybe a PowerPoint. Thanks, Smokes. Is Smokes running the Yak Twitter

for us? Oh, no. He should. Definitely should. Where do y'all think he's going to leave that book? He's not reading that book. No, it's going to go right next to the Bible in his bedroom. One and two bestseller. You said the Bible sells how many every thousand a minute? No. You said the Bible sells how many? Somebody said a thousand a minute.

No. Diarrhea. You have to go diarrhea. A thousand every minute? Who is buying the Bible? A lot of people buy the Bible. They're usually just around. Yeah, they're usually just in passing.

But they're given out in bulk so much that whoever gives them out in bulk has to buy them in bulk, right? True. So I guess like church here. The average would push that number there's roughly between five and seven billion copies of the bible jesus where are they all yeah that would take up a ton of space i think they're dispersed throughout the world okay wait there's seven billion i agree all right

i agree with that's so many i don't think there's just a bible spot it does feel like a boy probably in rural area i would like to see every bible like in manhattan i think at first you would assume that people once you get a bible why do you need to get another one but i do think people get new bibles why pretty regularly no i think most people have a bible probably don't know where they got it. You love it to be old. You don't want a new Bible. There's probably like a billion in the ocean. But there are a lot of Christian Bibles.

There's always a new Bible that's been written in easier to digest words. It's like you get the version of the Bible that's like, this is the Bible, but then we'll put some notes in the margin. Here's what they were actually saying.

Jesus is saying that the disciples were sniffing kizzy. How many Bibles are in the ocean? They rewrite those all the time. How long would it... You think I could ever find a Bible in the ocean if I devoted my life to it? Yeah. You could pretty quickly, man.

Where would you start? I think you could in a year. Yeah don't worry what you said i think you could in a year wait now i yeah i could right you couldn't a year a year yeah you could find a bible in the ocean in a year no i think if you just walked along the coast one would wash up eventually yeah what would the strategy be i think yeah where do you go do you want a scuba very first move you make what would the strategy find a shipwreck. You'd have to go to a shipwreck. But then it would be destroyed. A recent shipwreck, maybe?

Yeah, a very recent shipwreck. The one in Italy. The ship's still wrecked? Yeah, the cruise ship in Italy, right? You guys are crazy. It would take many lifetimes. To find a Bible in the ocean? You're the one that came up with the hypothetical. Yeah, and I'm saying I couldn't. Yeah, you could.

The ocean is big. I love that came up with the hypothetical. Yeah, and I'm saying I couldn't. Yeah, you could. You could. The ocean is big. The ocean's really big. I love this hypothetical. This is ridiculous. It's a shipwreck. You guys would never find a Bible in the ocean. You dedicate every day for a year. You guys would never.

The ocean is unfathomable. Yeah, but I don't think one's going to... Does a Bible washing up on shore count? You would have to get so lucky. Maybe pure dumb luck has the Bibles washed up on shore though Nick how many times

have you been to the beach and seen a Bible a couple times you would have to be at the right beach the right spot at the right time it would have to be like

next find a church next to the ocean that does beach service yes somebody leaves it out there high tide comes of all the beaches I've been to in my life I've never seen a Bible find a church next to the ocean. That does beach service. Yes. Somebody leaves it out there. High tide comes.

Of all the beaches I've been to in my life, I've never seen a Bible. A Bible has to wash up. Has anybody listening ever found a Bible? I think a million people could dedicate their lives to finding a Bible in the ocean and every single one would fail. I think it's shipwrecked. No chance.

I think shipwreck is the point. No pro divers. They're like a regular dude. A million people searching for a Bible in the ocean. This is a really good reality show. Every single one would fail. The ocean is that big. The amazing race.

It would wash up. I think it's already happened. I think someone found it and they were like, this is a sign. No one who's tried to find a Bible in the ocean has ever. Nobody's ever tried to find a Bible in the ocean. They found it on accident. Yeah. I don't think.

Steven, what do you think? Hopefully not what I think. I don't think. Yeah, I don't think that you could find a Bible in the ocean. There we go. I'm right. Fuck. Yeah, maybe you could.

When was the last time you tried to find anything in the ocean and you found it? Like a fish? I guess that submarine. With your hand? Yeah. What? With your hand? What's the question?

I guess a seashell. Well, how are you obtaining this? You'd have to just go in as deep as you can go, right? You're not getting... Scuba. Danger zone. Oh, you can get scuba stuff? Yeah.

You have to find a shipwreck in shallow water. Yeah. And there would be a Bible on board.'s a bible on board probably right that's that's your best chance yeah uh i would i would say it's impossible it's not impossible it's not impossible i would say it's unlikely i wouldn't even throw that many varies. If you find a recent shipwreck, you go, you're getting a Bible. I don't think. What kind of ship, though?

Wasn't there a cargo ship that had a lot of Bibles? Yeah. Wasn't there like a cruise ship in Italy in the last ten years that wrecked in shallow water? Yeah, he was drunk, right? And they had to evacuate, but it was wild because there were just pictures of half the ship just hanging out. How big the ship is, how many items. Entire cargo containers fall off ships all the time.

Yes. A bulk Bible spill. I bet you I could find a million. Oh, fuck you, dude. If I track a cargo ship and it falls off, I go down, I could find a million. Are you trying to stage it? No, you just have to be smart.

That cargo ship has to be carrying Bibles, first of all. Okay, okay. A lot of things get shipped. Bibles are the most bought object. Statistically, there's going to be a Bible. It's easy. It's easy. Oh, shit.

I don't think. I don't think. It's easy. It's easy. Oh, shit. Yeah. I don't think. I don't think. The boys are getting ready out there. I hope this doesn't get clipped, these guys. These guys thinking it's easy to find a Bible in the ocean. You guys look so bad. Barstool's done it again.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, ten people just tweeted me Bibles they found in the ocean. No chance. They just Googled Bible in a... Wet Bible. Because it would... Wait, do Bibles float? Maybe for a little bit.

Yeah, if they had water on them, they would sink, right? Yeah. Yeah, there's not a chance then. You'd have to be a generational diver. If it loses all its pages... And get generational luck. You'd have to be a generational diver. If it loses all its pages. And get generational luck. You're acting like it's buried treasure. It pretty much is.

You know how hard it is to find a specific item, even in a ship? But it's the most common item. Gigantic a ship is? Mathematically speaking, there are so many more Bibles than buried treasure and lost treasure at sea. I'm not saying anyone can find treasure. But the treasure won't disintegrate. the treasure won't disintegrate? No one found the treasure. The treasure won't disintegrate, though. When's the last time somebody found a treasure?

I will find treasure all the time. You guys are grossly underestimating the ocean's depths. Darkness. There's enough places you can dive. You know what percentage of the ocean has a depth where you can actually see on the bottom? Like what? 1%. 2%?

Right. But the shipwreck theory is valid, I think. If a ship wrecks, there's a Bible there. That's the only way to go about it. Yeah. If you're specifically trying to find a Bible, that's the only way. But there's a bunch of other shit like wood and metal.

Yeah, for sure. Imagine you're throwing a football around in the ocean and you go to pick it up. Why are you throwing a football around in the ocean. It's a Bible. Why are you throwing a football around in the ocean? You'll find one in your life. You think I will? If I do, I will go to the seminary

and become a priest. Promise. Somebody's going to plant one. You swear you'll become a priest. I promise. Not to him. You swear you'll become a priest. I promise. Not to him. I swear to God. If you know I'm serious, I will become a priest.

I will try my hardest if I ever find a Bible in the ocean. And I have several beach trips on my horizon. So I will be in the ocean two to three times a year for the rest of my life. If I find a Bible, I will become a priest. A good one, too. Good deal. A good priest. Not a lousy priest.

Okay. I'll pour my heart into it. You swear to God you'll become a good priest. Yes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Big Cat, do you think you could find a bible in the ocean? Oh man

You okay? No, what happened to you? I'm just struggling My body's broken My body's broken Yeah, I could find a bible in the ocean Yes No problem

Where would you go first? The ocean The coast Maybe like Daytona Beach. Yeah? What would you specifically look for? A Bible. Okay.

Yeah. You couldn't find it on the... There's so many bookstores on the shore. I think they're just dumping Bibles. People buy Bibles. I think the beach is the worst place. People are lax and dazical with Bibles. They're not just going to leave it around.

You're getting worried. Fuck. I got to go get my coach uniform. Yeah, I got to change, too. Oh, yeah, they want us to wrap at 115 so we can. Yeah, I'm going to struggle. I'll finish the yak while everyone gets in their positions. This is going to be a struggle for me. Should we spin the wheel before we disperse? Yeah, let's spin the wheel. I'm going to struggle. I'll finish the yak while everyone gets in their positions. This is going to be a struggle for me.

Should we spin the wheel before we discuss? Yeah, let's spin the wheel. I've got to put on my ref outfit. Boys are getting ready. Look at them. Rudy's not playing, is he? Is Rudy on your team? I think they're kind of good.

They're trying to be cool. That kid with the foot on the ball, he's a good shooter. Shane. They recovered one from Titanic. Yeah, wait. They recovered a Bible from Titanic? Yeah, wait. They recovered a Bible from a Titanic? Yeah, so they last underwater. Yeah, but two things about that.

Diving team who searched for. Right, right. They weren't looking for a Bible. And also, that is how far? That was deep. Very fucking deep. Four miles down. That was under there for a long time.

The hypothetical, as i understand it is just one of us average joes happening upon a bible in the in the ocean yeah like we're not gonna have we're not gonna give him dollars to go on an expedition we're not gonna give him the equipment he's not gonna have a submarine to go all the way the floor right no but i'm saying they last underwater yeah they uh every shipwreck will have it if it's a shallow shipwreck but don't things get preserved down at that depth a little bit better than if they if they're like 200 feet of water but that's thin ass paper underwater my official position is uh i am i am the enlightened one who's right square in the middle on this debate whoa yeah i think you're both wrong but you're both

right okay cool i think i i think. I think you could do it, but yeah, it would have to be very specific circumstances. I don't think any one man could do it. I just don't think. Alright, see you, Brandon. Yeah, I gotta go get mic'd up. Yeah, I gotta change. Oh, you do too, Kyle.

I think I'm gonna have diarrhea before I start playing. I have to go back to the bathroom. So, Mook, you stay here for a minute. Well, Mook has to. I have to go change. All right, Titus, you stay here for a second. I'll stay here. Yeah.

Tell us what happens on the wheel, Titus. I'll be back, Titus, in a minute. Prison for BC. All right, dry. Is that it? No, you're running the show right now. All right, I'll run the show right now. Someone's tweeting at me, TJ, that...

Never mind, I don't want to talk about that. What? I don't want to talk about that. What are your thoughts on coaching philosophy with these boys? We're hands malice-sack. We fist bump. So my strategy in this thing. I love Jake just walking onto a live show.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Jake just walking on live. That's right. He's got. Jake's got alpha energy. That's why I took him number one overall. We are. Wait, you're on the other team

though tj yeah yeah so i don't want to share my strategy too much but fuck it we're we're we're gonna just shoot nothing but half court shots i think that's what our strategy is we're just gonna shoot half court shots yeah half quarters being worth 25 and and the half court line isn't that much further than the three-point line it's further, but it's not a true half-court shot. But I also think that this could go horribly wrong for both teams. Yeah. We're all just checking. We play for – are we concerned that this is going to take forever?

Yes. I think that there might need to be some sort of factor where we up the mini-games to like 500 points at some point. Yeah. The times that we're playing basketball no points are going to be yeah yeah it's going to be it's going to be basically nothing it's all going to come down to the mini games but then even the mini games are what 150 a pop right

so you need to win if you need to chain a couple together yeah so if we all like split the mini games pretty evenly then what we're going to be playing for two hours and it's going to be like 600 to 600 and none like there's not there's maybe like four athletes in the entire player pool here so people are going to gas out pretty quick i want to say this before we do this um because i know that

there's going to be uh whenever anyone in this office does anything athletic people will just go bananas at how unathletic for a company called called Barstool Sports, how come there aren't any athletes here? I promise you, as a media company, we would smoke just about any media company in athletic endeavors. I'm not here to argue for my guys out there because I am watching them shoot a basketball right now, and it's not great. But we've got to do the uh 16 inch softball league against other media companies i would love to do that because i think we are as far as media

companies go we would smoke all these other media companies you think i think dude just because we're younger well i mean think about like the typical blue check mark on twitter there's like such a fucking dork that's covering sports right Isn't that like a trope that like people that cover sports for a living are dorks? And then, I don't know. I don't know. I think about some of the places I worked. I think you'd have to do some of the

heavy lifting there. Yeah, I mean like if you're considering ESPN can roll out their stable of former professional athletes, I'm talking about just like the big J's that exist. If we played the New York Times or the fucking Chicago Tribune, as Dan pointed out, I feel confident that we would smoke the Chicago Tribune as a company.

But also, I may have just inadvertently talked some shit to the Chicago Tribune that they're going to use as bulletin board material. Should I go get ready? I'm feeling like... So I think that the reason we're stalling here is we're supposed to be throwing the stream to them. But now the big head's back. You should.

It's going to be a problem for me. You got diarrhea bad? Yeah. Is it all Thanksgiving hangover? Is it football season but it's everything my body usually shuts down right around thanksgiving week where it's like you've done too much you've worked too many hours you've ate too much crap and my body's just like no moss my uh usually it happens a week before thanksgiving yeah it's happening right now i had the worst thanksgiving performance of my life in

terms of what just like the i like the worst thanksgiving performance of my life in terms of like like i made one plate of food and then i was getting full before i finished that and i'm getting like heartburn yeah i shit four times on thanksgiving i was like god damn this is thanksgiving a bleak state of affairs yeah i'm like even though I'm full I have to perform Yeah it was bad Alright I gotta go get ready Alright so what did the wheel come up Drive

Alright so it's gonna be on the stool streams YouTube Can you pin it TJ Yeah so if you stay right here It'll send you there If you stay right here it'll send you there How are you feeling about this game TJ I have to shit stay right here, it'll send you there. You stay right here, it'll send you there. How are you feeling about this game, TJ?

I have to shit. I need to clear some space before I do any athletic movement here. I'm nervous about myself. I might have to call a ref's timeout during it. I just feel like the 1,000 points seems lofty. What's up, Hank? Lofty? I've had like... My body's like 90% Pepto-Bismol right now.

Hero bowl. My body is broken. It is. It happens every single Thanksgiving. It's usually right before Thanksgiving. This time it happened right after. My body's like, dude, you don't sleep. You eat like shit.

Stop. Stop. And yeah, my body's told me no moss today. No moss. Can you give us your best ref call, either block or charge? I can't do it right now. I'm just trying to just not die. Fuck.

It's a bad scene. It's a bad scene. All right. Are we ending the yak? Is Hank right there? He walked away. He might be in front of you's a bad scene. All right. Are we ending the yak? Is Hank right there? He walked away. He might be in front of you somewhere. All right.

All right. So everyone stay here, and we will be on the Stool Streams YouTube. Nick, KB, and PFT on the call. It's going to be awesome. We're going to play for like two and a half hours. I don't know how much I'm going to be able to handle this. Yep. All right.

And then wait. Telethon tonight. That goes on. And Surviving Bar barstool tonight and then Monday Night Football stream after just open up some windows and have a day watching some stuff yeah open up some windows alright bye see everyone tomorrow Thank you. It's the act Get signed and stock shopped

Do a Yankees love It's the act It's the act It's the act Stay tuned to the stream right here. You shouldn't have to do it. I'll put the link in the chat, but you shouldn't have to do anything. You should just, link in the chat, but you shouldn't have to do anything.

If you just stay here, it should just take you over there. Wish me luck, fellas. Bye.