The Yak - We're Talking Threesomes | The Yak 3-16-22

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

McAdams and GoslingYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We just tried to be Rome Insane Insane move to try to be Rome Trying to shoot for the stars I want to be cool What the fuck makes you think you're Rome? You're not a Rome dude I think we look similar

We're two white guys You know You do have that similarity I don't have any of that on this show Yeah I liked it this show We're like fighting back you know We are Yeah we're challenged all these other shows that have women and minority no not us

yeah seven white dudes i like how these average white dudes we keep being average we keep the african and the asian behind the glass it's true i like how these smelling salts just say hockey like that means anything Yeah well you do it for hockey Yeah but like It's not different than if you do it for Like if you do it for a different Oh shit

Where the fuck is Che? I just not here Said he's doing social from home I heard KB Che Che doesn't know Oh yeah those are serious dude Whoa dude

I don't know why you Oh yeah you went in Those are serious Those hit like the back of your skull Yeah those are serious Made me cry Yeah my eyes are watering I actually think Sass back of your skull. Yeah, those are serious. Made me cry. Yeah, my eyes are watering.

I actually think Sass isn't here today because he took those yesterday. These are so serious. Holy shit. Sass was actually just, I guess it was such a hectic week in L.A., he just found out about Jeremy Giambi. Oh, no. We broke that news live on air. He didn't. It never processed.

He was chilling. Ever processed. Never processed. KB, what's the deal with Steven not knowing what circles are? Disney princess. What? Wires. What is going on? Angled.

Your hair's looking cute today. Thank you. So, Che was, he put on an MVP performance on the bracket. It is amazing. Another one? He outdid himself. And Jack told me, give me a little preview. He didn't know what a circle was.

What does that mean? We were doing a bracket of the best circular things. Round, circular. Hires, cakes. And his submissions were insane. Give me two of them. Okay uh when you have a fish on your line he says it creates a circle that's not a circle no it's like maybe an arch yeah and then the second one was oh it's it's the bending of the rod the bending of the rod but the the the

no yeah it's not a circle in any... Fishing line is always straight and flat. Well, tell them the second one. The second one, this was his top submission, best circular things in the world of all time, is when you pet or rub a dog's belly. It was a dog's belly when you get ready to pet it. That was his submission. It just becomes a perfect circle?

I don't know what that means. What does that even... What does he even think out perfect circle i don't know what i don't know what that means what is that even what's even i don't know i don't know i don't know does has steven ever pet a dog he's no he doesn't he did admit that he's never he doesn't have a dog and he doesn't fish he doesn't he's never fished yeah so these are just okay and i heard the other two I'll save it go watch the bracket the other two are just as bad I know they were all bad so he didn't understand the assignment no he's just every week we figure out that he is

completely oblivious to anything that is not the NFL yes his life just doesn't yet it's just off of his radar I bet you he doesn't know who the Jennifer is It creates this blissful world Where he only consumes what he wants to

And only knows what he wants You gotta give him credit for that He doesn't let bad things come in Subconsciously muted everything that he's not interested in The biggest world crises In the last decade are like Ray Rice, Tyree Kill. Exactly. That's it.

Those are the ones that are like, oh my God. He probably thinks people in Uzbekistan were freaking out about the Ray Rice. Yeah. I mean, didn't he say that he thought Schefter could break the news on Ukraine? He did. Earnestly, he said that too And defended it vigorously I don't know if this is word for word But I think he asked last night

Do people really listen to music Yeah what the fuck Was his music take He was like people get home from work And put on music Yeah I don't think he knows I don't think he knows what music is. I think he has an idea.

Jesus Christ. What a brain. Music is saved just for highlight reels. Yeah. Yeah, they're for NFL film. And going to break for Fox. What do you guys think his routine is when he gets home? It goes right to the All-22.

I think he's a great father in all seriousness. And I'm going to say this because I heard that he might be getting a divorce soon. So I think he's a great father. I'm trying to speak up for my man Chase so he gets visitation rights. You're trying to undo the damage you've already done. No, I just don't want, you know, when the divorce does happen, when the paperwork goes through, I don't want him to not be able to see his kids because he's a great father. He's not a weekend dad.

He's there day in, day out. Whoa, wait a second. Are you saying that grown adults just go home from work and just put on music? Yeah, he goes home. He does that. I think he probably, Stephen strikes me as someone who's like very, when he's in the moment, he's in the moment. Like he's listening, he's very good parenting. Yeah.

And then he just goes into his weird NFL world where he probably just refreshes Adam Schefter all night. But it is the sheer amazement with which he reacts to normal things that is very endearing about him. Right, right. That reaction he just said was a real Stephen Chay reaction. Why the fuck do you got a golf club, dude? I don't know. I picked it up out in the lobby. You're making me nervous.

You don't golf. You don't golf. Thank you, memes. Shut up, memes. You aren't a good golfer. I'm a terrific golfer. I knock the shit out of the ball. I love memes.

Memes is like if you could build a perfect social guy. He does more than that for part of my take now. He's taken over some producer role. But if you could build a social person in a lab, that's memes. He thinks in memes. He's the perfect social guy. Yeah. Is he ever going to run out of coffee memes?

No, dude. A lot of social people, they're just hip to what's trendy he is actually he's he's funny he's hilarious he's funny and he thinks in memes like he did the other day we were just talking and there was an awkward silence in the studio and he was like all right i'm gonna leave and he was like this is like the office when they push the old guy out and he like slowly oh yeah yeah you're just thinking memes it's Genius He has meme posture too Yeah he does have big meme posture Quicks has got that about him too

Yeah meme posture I think that's just internet posture Like Dave used to have Dave has been less online than he used to be When we were blogging all the time We used to make fun of him Because he had a true hunchback for a while there it was like just this just like this all day and he just he looked like a gargoyle happens

yeah i mean we were on i have to like hyper fixate on what i look like you don't standing up you don't do that no because i a hunch row and it looks gross. You got a great body. I'm not talking about the body. The posture is part of the body. Is that the wrestler's posture? You always got to be ready? Hug someone? Just always on the ready to hug.

God damn, I'm excited for this fucking weekend. Yeah, what's going on? Fucking NCAA tournament. Wrestling? Yeah. What is it? Thursdaypable buzz. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Why aren't you and Jerry getting, why don't you guys do a podcast?

What do you mean? Jerry's a big wrestling fan. No, he's not. Yes, he is. He doesn't know shit. You want to bet? Amateur wrestling? You want to bet? Amateur? I mean, whatever you call it. Amateur? No, what is it? It is. That's Whatever you call it. Amateur? No, college isn't.

It is. That's what we call it, amateur wrestling. Yeah. Oh. Right. Wow. So you guys do that to yourself. Hey, Jerry.

College isn't. What's up, man? Hey, I'm on the act right now. Quick, just off the top of your head, who are your three favorite wrestlers you're going to be watching this weekend in the tournament? Nick Suriano. Wrestlers? Yeah. College wrestlers you're going to be watching this weekend in the tournament? Nick Suriano. Wrestlers?

Yeah. College wrestlers? Yeah. Suriano. I'm a big fan of Austin Gomez. And I'd like to see that bubblegum punk Austin DeSanto get the break speed off of him. Let's go. All right.

So KB just didn't believe me when I said you watched college wrestling. I didn't think. I didn't think. I thought you were just going to spout off some Jersey boys. I love college wrestling, dude. Didn't. You never told me. Yeah, so we'll have to get you guys on a podcast together.

Yeah. Yeah. Does KB hate DeSanto? He – no, no. No, but I know what you mean. I like watching him lose. Yeah, you got to love watching him lose. Yeah, you gotta love watching him lose. He gets so angry and he acts like a little baby.

He does. Yeah. All right. Thanks. Thanks, Jerry. I'll see you later. All right. We were in the gambling cave like a week or two ago and he's like, hey, can you switch

it to Big Ten Network? And it was to watch wrestling. Yeah. I would listen to a KB, Jersey Jerry, college wrestling podcast. I would. They should wrestle while they do the podcast. I would do a one-off maybe. No, yeah, but do it like four times a year.

I would absolutely listen to it. You wouldn't? We'll hop on somebody else's. If you have a wrestling podcast, we'll hop on. Why wouldn't? I don't know. Are you looking at? What? What is she doing well i did not beckon did

not beckon wow that's we can't say no what's up beeman hey hey come on sit down for a second language barrier nixie what's up with the arsenal shirt? You're an Arsenal fan? Since when? Tobin Heath. You could have moved that mic and gotten in there way easier. Rachel, did you hear our discussion last week or a week before about Yogi? Yeah, and if he's big? Yeah. I think he's medium.

No. How much does he weigh? He's not a big dog. What do you guess he weighs? I guess he weighs 100 pounds. No, he's like 45. No way. Okay, no, that's wrong.

That's fucking stupid, Brandon. How big is he? 86 pounds. He's not 86 pounds. Way closer. Yes, he is. That's a big dog. That's what I wrestled that in eighth grade, so. You could wrestle Yogi and win.

In eighth grade, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I would win. You could win. Obviously, yeah. Even easier. You would kill your dog. Yeah, you would kill. You could win early. Obviously. Yeah. Even easier. You would kill your dog. Yeah, you would kill Yogi.

I could. If you wanted to. How's he doing? He's good. We were just home last week. We got to roam around. He lives at your apartment? Yeah.

Who's watching him around the clock? Himself. Okay. He's fine for like eight hours at a time yeah i'll have you walk him twice a day a mile in the morning and a mile at night exactly a mile yeah because i live by central park so i go like same loop yeah you let him off the leash yeah that's illegal no uh yeah not when i know it's not there's a I... No, it's not. There's a dog park there.

So it's only the dog park? Yeah. You never let them... I don't just let them walk down the sidewalk. You don't let them off the leash in Central Park at all

on the softball fields? No. Ever? Ever. You get the mile in the dog park? No, we walk through the dog park.

That's a half mile and then we walk back. Do you have friends in the dog park? No, they're all... They're all doodles. Doodle problem. There's a lot of doodles in New York.

Wouldn't that be socially exhausting? Because every time another dog stops, you have to talk to the owner. Most people are really bad at it, too. People let their dog come up to Yogi, but I like to hold his leash tight because I don't know if other people's dogs are friendly. Yeah, no, I hate that, too, with Stella. Stella's not very friendly on the leash. But everyone just lets their dogs come up to you.

Yeah, they like it. I'm like, yeah, she's going to bite your dog. Yeah, it's your fault. You know when you like pet or rub a dog's belly or you go to, you know, like the reaction they make. You know the perfect circle? Yeah, perfect circle. Would you call it the circle that the belly creates? It morphs into a circle when you go to rub the tummy of the canine.

No, I don't know what you're talking about. So usually the dog's stomach is what, a cube? It's more oblong. Trapezoid. It goes from a rugby ball to a basketball. What would you say Yogi's belly, if you had to put a shape on it? An oval. Oval. That's not bad. Steven, maybe he's got a point. God on it? An oval. Oval.

That's not bad. Steven, maybe he's got a point. God damn it. Steven Che keeps on winning. Always. An oval's very close. It's circle adjacent, right? I would, yeah.

It's in the family. Huh? Perfect circle is very hard to come by. Very hard to come by. What would you say? Where would you say you find one? A full moon. Ooh. That's a good one. That is a good one? A full moon. Oh.

That's a good one. That is a good one. The sun is more circular. How? What? What do you mean how? How is something more circular than others? Yeah, but how do you know?

If it's not a circle, it's an oval. Wasn't Nick saying that? Isn't the sun a big ball of gas? Wait, no, you said that. Nick was saying it's like the most naturally circular thing in the world. The sun? The sun. The fucking sun?

I don't think that's right. I think it is. How? Why? I think it's because I trust him more than other people in this room. There's no way it is. There's like explosions happening on the sun. It's gas.

I don't think that disrupts the circle. Well, of course it would. There's a big explosion that's... The explosions aren't geometrically changing the shape of the sun. The moon is a finite thing. The moon... It doesn't change.

Y'all got me winging this. I don't know this argument. This is not my debate. The moon actually does change. Not the moon itself, but how much we see of it. Look at that. The sun is the most perfectly round natural object known in the universe. Not just the world. Oh, wow.

Or that wouldn't make sense. Now look up the moon. But how, if it's a spinning ball of gas, can it stay? Because I think it's so big and it has so much gravity that it just pulls it so tight. If you get really close, it's going to be less than anywhere. I wonder what second. That has been tight. Yeah, it's tight.

Sun's been in the gym. Sun's been doing those squats. The moon has been run through. It gets hit by a hell of asteroids, so it's kind of bumpy. So I don't think that's why it's a perfect circle. Well, what we see is a perfect circle from here. Right, but I'm just saying the sun is just flat. Everything's flat.

What do you think the most circular country is? What's the one that's Lesotho? That's probably up there. That would be impressive if you just pulled that. What's the one that's inside South Africa? Lesotho. If that's number one, I'd lose it. Is it Vatican City? I think it might be Nauru or Sierra

Leone. Sierra Leone. Rachel? Probably. Nauru. Wait wait is it it is early oh let me see a picture of this shit show us that circular ass country my boy is on fire it's not even that circular to be honest yeah it is you set yourself up right there honestly dude it's not oh yeah yeah it is yeah actually it totally is yeah what's the most circular state ohio i was just gonna say that it's probably the closest why did you just groan like that okay did you think about ohio you get out want to talk about ohio frisky there wasn't even time in between when he said that from when you said I was just going to say that.

You just did say it. There's no time. You did. You did say it. Yeah. But. What. Wait, Rachel, I want to ask one last question.

What's your thoughts on Baker Mayfield? Oh, I'm worried. Oh, you're a Baker guy? Yeah. Girl? Yeah. I'm worried. Those weren't hopeful tweets last night, I would say.

Would you now, if Deshaun Watson was signed, what would your, would you defend him? Defend Deshaun Watson? Against the internet? No. I hate him. Why? Because he's a raper. Oh!

That's one way to say it. Not facing criminal charges. Yeah, but that doesn't, don't chef to yourself, Bray. You're right. He would put up Chamberlain numbers at Barley House. Oh, at Barley House? Yeah. He would.

I love the inside jokes you guys have. I did dye my hair and none of you guys have said anything. I love your hair. Thank you. What did you dye it? Friday. No, what did you dye it? Brown.

From? Light brown. That's bullshit what women do there. It's noticeable, right? No, but that's bullshit. When they do like that, I got a haircut, you didn't say anything. Oh, I did a thing. Two inches?

You did dye it from your color to just a slightly darker shade of your color. I would say it's not slight. It's pretty slight. I actually agree. On would say it's not slight. It's pretty slight. I actually agree. On top, it's not as slight. Yeah. But on your shoulders, it looks light. It could be the light. I'd made it all darker than it was previously. So, I guess my last, last

question would be, what is going on in your life that you're having such a crisis that you'd go and dye your hair? Be honest. Or actually, don't be honest. Getting a tattoo, too. Are you? So something's going on.

Something's really... No. Makeup, is there something? Nothing huge. Makeup, breakup? No. Anything? Nothing huge.

Crisis, you want to leave barstool? No, I'm not going anywhere. What's going on? You can talk to us. Is this about Stu's list? Yeah. I didn't even notice. No, seriously, what's going on?

I mean, this is not normal behavior. It's not abnormal behavior. Do you have any tattoos? No, not one. Well, then it is abnormal behavior. You want to know what I'm getting? No. A Browns Baker Mayfield jersey?

A yo-yo. A yo-yo? A yo-yo? A yogi? Yes. A Browns Baker Mayfield jersey? Yo-Yo. A Yo-Yo? A Yo-Yo? Or Yogi? Yeah. That's sweet. Where? I don't know.

I haven't decided yet. That's super cool. Yeah. Thank you. I like that. I want to get a tattoo, too. What? I don't know.

Let's go. I think we're going to Brooklyn for it. Oh. Nick and I talked to an artist who will come in studio for a tattoo wheel. That would be a good specialty. Can I hold off? Can I just do it here? Down for it. Yeah, studio for a tattoo wheel. That would be a good specialty. Yeah, you could do it here. I would do it here.

We'll get a good artist. I would do it here. Tattoo place right by my house. Don't say what it is because then people will know where you are. What do you got there? Smelling salts. You want to try it? I've done them before.

They're not that bad. Oh, man. Why do you just carry these? They're mild. They stay in here. They're mid. I don't know that you sniffed. I did. Did you inhale?

Oh, yes, you did that time. Let me get it quick. You want to hit? I've been thinking about a tattoo, yeah, she did that time. Oh. Let me get it quick. You want to hit? I've been thinking about a tattoo, too, man. I kind of want to get a tat. Do you have any? No. I have zero tattoos.

You look like you should have tats already. That is always the response I get, is that I feel like I'm letting people down by not having tattoos. TJ, do you like your tattoo? Yeah, it's fully healed now and everything. I'm ready for more. Let's get a look at it.

All right. TJ, let's do the wheel. everything. I'm ready for more. Let's get a look at it. All right. TJ, let's do the wheel. Okay, I'm going to go. I'll beam into it. No. Oh, you're staying. No, stay. You got to stay for at least the wheel in case it's wet.

Get on, goofed. If it's wet, then you have to do it with us. Wait, how do you feel about Baker Mayfield? Sharky duck. How I feel about Baker Mayfieldfield I felt like this was coming anyway It sucks to have Them like openly court Deshaun Watson Because it does feel like they kind of burnt that bridge

I hope he gets traded Where do you think he would go? Colts Alright do the wheel If this ends up being wet You're going to have to get wet You're going to be blonde again. Yeah.

Hey, where'd Lomo's go? We don't just take them off. Lomo's stays on forever. Oh, my God. You guys didn't eat all your Lomo's yesterday. I ate more after. Did you? Okay, well, fair enough.

There's definitely dogs that are bigger than Yogi. Back on that. Really? I thought you were playing. It's a big dog. If you look by the- It's not a big dog. I thought you were bidding.

I thought you were playing when you were saying it was big. No, it's a medium-sized dog. 83 pounds is a big dog. When you go buy- That dog's not 83 pounds. You go get a collar, or you go get food. Everything's large. Large.

Thank you. Thank you. I know. But he's not extra large. They are also dog sizes that are extra. He's not a dog that we know. You were scaling. You had extra large on your scale?

Yes, of course. Oh, you did. Yes, I did. Great days. He had extra large on his scale. He didn't have extra large on his scale. What do you think is a small dog? Small dogs are like 20 pounds and less.

Extra small is like a little teacup. 10 pounds and less. I think that's miniature, not extra small. It's miniature. Yes? Average dogs, I'd say, are between 30 and 55. I would agree with that. There you go.

I would agree. Here's the official dog rankings. Let it be known. Okay. Yeah. And people and people okay so men all right men small men are now they'll think about the jockeys extra small I'd say the average male is 170 to 200 I think that's a little

I think you're skewing heavy I think so I would say 150 Think of all the spiders in the world 170 to 200 Average male Yeah that would be Yeah it's average

I think when you do average you can only use one unit one number 175 Yeah so it's probably when you do average, you can only use one unit, one number. One, so then 175. So it's probably more like, I'm probably wrong, I'm probably more like 160 to 190.

Yeah, that makes sense. That's about right. 175 is the average male. And I'm a strong man, so same with Brandon, we're both strong. But you could pick some shit up. You got that, like, pick-up strength. I've lost a lot of it.

Now, this says the average American man, which is bigger than I would think the world man would be. His? The average American 20-year-old man weighs 197. Here we go. So I was awake. You guys got me off my real number. Big.

That's big. Big. Early. The average height is just over five foot nine inches. No. All right. Do the wheel, and then we'll send Rachel on her way because I'm sure she's busy. So busy.

Here we go. It's Lomo Saltadomine. Oh, wait. We did it wrong. That's wrong how it's set up. Oh, my gosh. Oh, oh, oh. All right. That is wrong, though's set up. Oh my God. That is wrong though. People are going to get mad.

The wet should be where real reset is and opposite. You got to do it again. People are going to get mad. Wet and real reset need to be reversed. DJ, you're the wheel master. Why did you forget this? What happened today?

I don't know. Somebody's been messing with my settings. You fell asleep at the wheel? I don't see you somebody's been messing with my settings. You fell asleep at the wheel? And I'll see you guys. Swish. That one was too easy. Here we go. Now, if this is a wet, this is going to be very unfortunate.

Can I get some context? What's the Lomo thing? It's a lunch we order. We got it yesterday. It was really good. It's a Peruvian dish. If we do it again, I'll order it for everyone. We can all eat lunch.

A steak and french fries in it. It was really good. It's a Peruvian dish. If we do it again, I'll order it for everyone. We can all eat lunch. It has steak and french fries in it. I like french fries. It's Brandon. He loves it. Lomo satay. I introduced it to the office. All right. Here we go.

Lunch, huh? Official. We're safe. Here we go. Yeah, we're good. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Some dry ass.

All right. Thank you. What would have happened if everyone had to get wet? Yes. Oh, yeah. good. Mm-hmm. Some dry ass balls. All right, thank you. What would have happened if it landed? Would everyone have had to get wet? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

You were that close. You were that close. I don't want to get saturated today. Thanks, guys. All right. Thank you, Rachel. And what do we have here? Check that box.

Bring that box in. You just put a box right outside the door. In fact, let me get the box. Shorts. Shorts. the box. Shorts. Oh, it is shorts. What? Tell me those aren't bird dogs. What?

Those actually look kind of sick. Are they? Those are the best in the biz. Oh, let's go pass it around. Bird dogs. Go to birddogs.com slash enter promo code yak and they'll throw in a free bird dogs whistle tip football oh they're back

bird dogs the first time last week how do you like them I love them I have the bird dogs joggers I love them daddy want daddy want oh no Rudy daddy want give Rudy one. Give him one.

They were giving beanies for a while. People were dying for the whistle tip balls back, and they are. Yeah, all right, give Rudy one. Give Rudy one pair. Put it all out, so y'all can pick whatever you want. No, I want you to pick for me. You're not going to be able to get anything. Dress this man.

Get me drenched. Today's 316 day. Get me drenched. Today's 3-16 day. Good job, Brandon. Nice. All right. Who wants an L? I'll take those. Thanks.

TJ, how are you feeling tonight? Nervous, but good. It's not even the tournament, so why would you be nervous? I just don't like how many people Are like Writing us off As an auto win tonight And then already looking at us For a spam on Friday I hate that

Yeah no you're not An auto win It's not even the tournament So why would you be nervous Yeah I'm nervous about every game Even when we play shitty teams Like Lafayette in November

And lose That was bad. DJ, do you think we could listen to that clip of Jake Malasek in the Twitter space? I heard about this. Let me see. What happened?

Let's just listen to it. I'll send it to you. That's the backstory. I don't think we have a video, but he... I don't really know. Somebody sent him a link to a spaces. He thought it was like a college football space. Or like a UVA space.

And it ended up being just like a bunch of black people shooting the shit. Oh, in the threesome one? And they made him the speaker. They asked him a bunch of questions. I'm sure he's seen as we fit in. At one point, they renamed the space. They got Jake from State Farm in here. Ah, shit.

I'm hoping for some code switching out of him. I don't know if he can. You don't have the capability to code switch? He went to private school in New Hampshire. I feel like private school kids are the best code switchers. He did the opposite of code switching. He was emboldened in his caucasity. He dug his heels in.

He went extra white. Great. Those are some KB shorts. The L is too big. What? You can fill them out, dude. Believe in yourself. Fill them out?

Yeah. If you start doing those squats, kegels. Who's this guy? Oh, he looks famous. What the fuck was that stare? He gave us a woo. He looks... Dude, that guy...

These guys were crazy in there. Yeah. He just. Mooch. That's the actor. Mooch. Mooch. That's the actor from The Yes Man.

He looks familiar. Oh, you got to take his picture. Tell us. Who is that? Who is that? Rhys Darby. Rhys Darby. From the likes of.

Pull up his picture. Yeah, so basically, if you just suck this whole. Pull up his picture so that hopefully we can get him walking by and see us. Yeah, looking at him. We have him. Researching him. Yeah and see us. Yeah, looking at him. Researching him. Yeah, researching him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'd be great. Pulling up his dossier. It does look very familiar. Get a camera. Get his whole thing up and then get a camera on the... Yeah, here we go. Oh, I don't like the way it's written. Oh, he's New Zealand in. Yeah.

You were funny then. Let's see if we can get him. Oh, is he Flight of the Conchords? Oh, yeah. Is he? Yeah. You were funny then. Let's see if we can get him. Oh, is he Flight of the Conchords? Oh, yeah. Is he? Yeah. He's the, um... Yeah, he's their boss.

He's dope. Right? Their boss? He's also in, uh, he's the guy that... All right, let's see. Hold on. Let's see if we can get him. He's Jim Carrey's friend.

Okay, ready? Watch. Come on, Reese. Look at us. It's funny. It's funny It's funny Hey Hey

It's mad funny Fuck Damn it I started doing that more often He was ready to go I mean he was ready to go The hair was powdered He was the bank

He was Jim Carrey's friend And yes man Ah Dude that chick No I'm thinking of Liar Liar With the big tits. Oh, yeah. I know what you're talking about.

Those are awesome. Shit. When was that movie? When did Liar Liar come out? 97? Damn. You remember those as a little kid. Liar Liar.

Oh, as a kid, you remember those. They were terrific. Terrific tits. It's a movie you get to see and be like, oh, my God. White Man Can't Jump. He Got Game. I watched that with my grandmother who passed away, but that was awkward

because there's a scene that is very graphic. Those are legit porn stars. Oh yeah. Me? Yeah. Starsky and Hutch. Are their titties in Starsky and Hutch? You get from the back, side boob from the back. Oh, side boob is great. I saw White Man Jump in theaters and

Rosie Perez's titties were incredible. Yeah. What year did they get that Mississippi? 2010? 1991, same year everybody else got it. Euro Trip was the first sex scene I saw and it was in a confessional booth in the Vatican. You saw Euro Trip there?

No, that's where the sex scene was. Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct for me. Oh! That's a good one. Oh, that movie came out 30 years ago. It does, 55. Yeah, 30-something years old. Yeah.

It'd be great if Zawa was like, I'm actually 68 years old. 145. Brandon, you will get things later in Mississippi. You don't get them at the same time. Oh, you absolutely can. Come on. No, you don't get them. Movies open nationwide at the same time.

They don't have Oculus. The talk of the town is the MJ doc. Yeah. They don't have Oculus in Mississippi. Well, they're about to. Oh, because of you? Because I got one there. I got one, yeah.

They're going to burn you at the stake for something like that. Yeah. We don't burn people at the stake. Which crack? They burn the cross in front of their lawn. Right, my bad. I got that twisted. Not in front of their lawn.

On their lawn. On their lawn. You guys want to hear this? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I like the head nod. That was a very...

Sweet. Give me the backstory real quick. Somebody just duped him into joining this Twitter space. He thought it was about UVA men's basketball. Was he a dumb person? Yeah. He went to Virginia, though, so I would assume he's not that dumb. Academically, he's probably.

Yeah, I'm sure he is. He's more of a Billy football ilk? Yes. Yeah. Or it's like he's not. If you have him take a test, he's smarter than the average bear. But if you have him use just., he's smarter than the average bear, but if you have him use just... Yeah, yeah.

I would say. Yeah. Billy got scared of $2,000 cash yesterday. That was crazy. I saw that. Crazy. He literally, like... Running around the office like somebody cut his head off.

He was nervous. Oh, there we go. It worked. Wait, pull it back up. Pull it back up. Oh, I... Yeah. Oh.

He's already gone. He was... What do you mean afraid? We gave him $2,000, and he was afraid that someone was going to mug him. He's like, what do I do with this? Like, someone's going to come fucking... Don't release the podcast right now. Someone's going to try to...

And then he, like, ran to the bank. But didn't he, like, physically, like, wince at... Yeah, no, he's scared of money. Ever seen anything like it. Six four two sixty. I think it's just young kids don't use cash. I love having cash rules. Yeah.

It's so cool. Also just like flicking bills and like. And then because I was like dude you. He's like I've never seen this much money. I'm like what. And then people were obviously like dude you're trying to shame him. It's like no I just. I used to gamble like you know. Right. Before gambling was legalized. How the fuck do you think you're trying to shame him. It's like, no, I just used to gamble.

Like, you know, before gambling was legalized, how the fuck do you think you'd have to pay? Right. It's also cool, like, if you're paying for something with a group of friends, like, yeah, I got cash. You feel like a boss. Always. Just handing cash. You go down the street and get sprayed by a random dude at a flower shop. Yeah, that moment is impossible if you don't have cash. Correct.

You can't be like, hey, bro, what's your Venmo? Like, the cab home from a casino with a bunch of cash in your pocket is the best feeling in the world. Best. Just having a roll with like a rubber band around it. Oh, that's good fella shit. All right, let's hear this Jake Malasek.

You ever had a threesome? She was. I also have not done that. I'm a pretty vanilla guy, guys. Man, now, Jake, you got to step up. I know, I know. You got to see. You got to get to 2B.

I got to experience more of the world out there. I'm glad. Who are you doing with? Am I getting to pick anybody? In the world. Like celebrities and stuff, too? anybody? In the world. Like celebrities and stuff too? Yeah, in the world, Jake.

Alright, let's see. I'll do... That's a good question. Let's do Rachel McAdams. I don't know who that is. They don't know who that is. Rachel McAdams. Let me open Google. Oh, hell no.

Thank you. Hell no. Who invited this dude? That's my first love, guys. Come on. She was in the notebook. Oh, my God. He thought we paused it. You were on. She was in the notebook. Oh, my God. He thought we'd pause it.

You were right. Pause it, pause it. He thought he was going to sway the opinion of the... Dude, the notebook. That was his ace in the hole. He's in a Twitter space. It's called We Talking Crazy in here. He goes, what?

She's in the notebook. Oh, my God. All right, keep going. This is incredible. Jesus. crazy in here because what she's in the notebook oh my god are you this is incredible and she's like she went to the guy knows a nice lady come on nice yeah not your nice and they don't worry on the hot no I oh I never said Rihanna wasn't hot

oh yeah thank you person bro is it a guy No, I never said Rihanna wasn't hot. Who y'all second person, bro? Is it a guy? You have to pick a guy or a girl? Rewind two seconds. Rewind two seconds. You have to hear this guy's reaction. Pick a guy. He could be with us.

No, you can pick another girl. Oh, no, he could be a guy. He could be with us. Happy, it sounds. Definitely a guy. Lord, a hell of a guy. It could be whatever. It's definitely a guy. Know the hell it can't. I'll do it. I'll do it.

That's the notebook. Let's do it. I need to read this. Oh, this is amazing. It can be a guy. Know the hell it can't. How you pick Rachel McAdams over Tiana Taylor, bro? Started for this.

Oh, man. Cut our mics. Cut our mics and go from the top. I just want to listen. I want the people to be able to hear everything. You ever had a threesome? She was. I also have not done that i'm pretty vanilla guy guys

man down jake you gotta step it up i know i know you gotta see you gotta get you two b i gotta i gotta experience more of the world out there oh god who would you do it with am i getting to pick anybody in the world like celebrities and stuff too? Yeah, in the world, Jake. All right, let's see. I'll do... Hmm. That's a good question.

Let's do Rachel McAdams. Oh, you know who that is? Hey, hold on. I'm not searching this. Rachel McAdams. Let me open Google. And I'll do... Oh, hold on. Let me open Google. Oh, please. Oh, dude.

Oh, hell no. Come on, Jake. Thank you. Hold on, hold on. First love, guys. Come on. That's my first love, guys. Come on. She was in the notebook. Hold on, Jake. She got in the notebook. Bro. No. She is pretty.

Hold on, Jake. She got so mad at him. Jake, she pretty. He's a nice lady. Come on. He's a nice fucking young man. It ain't nice in nowhere. Rihanna's hot. No, I never said Rihanna wasn't hot, Josh.

Who your second person, bro? Is it a guy? Do I have to pick a guy or a girl? No, you can said Rihanna wasn't hot, Josh. Who your second person, bro? Is it a guy? Do I have to pick a guy or a girl? No, you can pick another girl. Oh, no, it could be a guy. It could be whatever. I'm definitely a guy. No, the hell he can't.

I'll pick a guy. I'll pick a guy to make it into here. I'll do Rachel. You know what? Let's do the cast of The Notebook. Let's do Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling, and I'll just be in the corner. What?

How do you pick Rachel McAdams over Tiana Taylor, bro? Look, I saw The Notebook when I was a young man, and it was a very lovely movie. This is like Dwight Schrute's fantasy as being like the bellhop at the Hell Hotel. Yeah, making 80 grand a year. Nick Palasek's fantasy is watching Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling have sex. He's just watching The Notebook. Yeah, he's just watching The Notebook. His dream threesome is to just sit by himself and watch The Notebook.

That was like Steve Carell describing touching a boot. That's how far his imagination goes. I'm just going to take the cast of the notebook. I'm just going to watch the notebook. Oh, and you're right, man. He stuck to his. Yeah, he didn't try to accommodate to their interests. Oh, no.

Went deep. We need that as a sound drop. I would have been fighting for my life trying to accommodate, but he dug in. Did he realize after, like, wow, that was bad? I don't know. I don't know. Should we get him? We should get him.

I don't know how any of it happened. He's definitely watching. I thought for a second he was going to try to steer the conversation. Like, can we talk UVA at some point, guys? Like, please. I'll sit in the corner and watch Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Fuck, yeah.

I'm going to give him a redemption. Yeah. Come up with a better. He just got progressively whiter until he was completely transparent. Does he not understand what a first time is? I don't think he fundamentally does. I think he thinks it's just a...

I think he thinks just watching other people have sex. Three people in the room, that's all he's worried about. He backed himself into a cuckold situation. Correct. He didn't back. He ran right to it. Yeah, he wanted to be in a cuckold. His dream is to be a cuck.

The visceral reaction to Rachel McAdams. Let me Google it. Hell no. I like Rachel McAdams, but no, she's never- She's not the dream. In that arena. She might have been number one for like a week after Wedding Crashers. Yes, yes.

Wedding Crashers definitely got in your head. So you need to introduce her from Wedding Crashers, not the notebook. Yeah, I'd agree with that. Oh, what the heck? I guess I'll just do the whole cast of the notebook. Yeah. My dream. You guys ever seen Jurassic Park?

I'm going to do Jeff Goldblum and the T-Rex. That would be my dream threesome. Idea for after. Should we just try and have Jake and Ebony close out the show for like 15 minutes? Jake, what happened? Jack Mack was in a Twitter space about Arkansas football. No, no, no, not that part.

No, this is what happened. No, no, no, not that part. When you're asked about your dream threesome, you just put yourself in the notebook and you got cocked. Yeah, but. No. What but? The but I was saying is I didn't want to come off as pandering.

Oh, you definitely did not. You did not. Ryan Gosling? You checked that box. I gave my one girl, and then I kind of got stuck on the notebook, and then I just went full notebook. So you went with getting cocked. He said the corner.

The corner thing came out of my mouth, and I realized as I was saying it, that was a bad idea. Your dream threesome- He said the corner. The corner thing came out of my mouth, and I realized as I was saying it, that was a bad idea. Your dream threesome is to watch the notebook. Oh, looking at it again, it was a bad answer. Just a white guy getting caught in a group of black people and going full notebook. I didn't realize they were not going to know either of those people. That is a fair- You'd think they would at least know.

I thought you were worried about getting Gosling off the board before the rest of the time. You know that gif of the kids going crazy and then the white kid comes up and dabs? That's what Jake just did in this Twitter. Unbelievable, dude. So hypothetically, we're going to ask this question again. Are you going to run back your answer? I might take Ryan Gosling out of the equation. I think you probably should. You sure?

Yeah. I mean, you might take him out. Sounds like you're pandering at this point. No, I mean, I like my answer. That's a good answer. The corner thing is a little weird, and I would take that.

No, it's not a good answer. Your answer's terrible. It's not a good answer. You could choose two women. I like that movie. Yeah. What is up with, like,

why in your brain is threesome and the notebook, like, you can't separate the two? Like, you can't exist outside of that universe. I mean, here it is. Here's Jake in this Twitter space.

Everyone's having an awesome time. It's fucking great. And here comes Jake. And I'm thinking about the notebook. Oh, my God. Well, the clip cuts off. So what happens after that? After you announce the clip. Yeah, wait.

Do we have any more footage? I would like to listen to all of it. I have an eight-minute clip from the thing. Oh, wow. You were in there. Why did you think you got... So how did you get in there? Jack Mack was in an Arkansas football Twitter space

and I don't have spaces on my account. I don't have the tab. So I have to ask for the link every time. And then Quigg sent me that space and I didn't realize I was in the wrong place for about ten minutes. And then after that I kind of got sucked out. I was in the wrong place for about 10 minutes. And then after that, I kind of got sucked out. I was in there for like three hours.

Wow. Talked about a lot. That clip was at 140. So what was the lasting impression you gained? Well, they all follow me now. Oh, your boys. We're like friends now. Friends.

Ian Teasy, the cool guy. I like that. Yeah, they changed the Twitter space name to they got Jake from State Farm up in here. That's pretty funny. Yeah, no, I was in there until like four in the morning. Oh my God. What else did they ask you about?

They asked me if I knew any racist people. So we got a little more into politics after. What did you answer to that? I said probably. Like, I have to assume that I do. Yeah. You didn't name drop though, right? No, I didn't say anybody's names.

But, yeah, no, they just kept asking me, like, questions that they've had for white people for a while. I don't think they, you know, they promoted me to speaker immediately. Second I got in there. That's smart. I was, like, the guy they would just ask a bunch of questions to. So I figured that was a fun thing to do. Based on your answers, you are the go-to man for all things white. Yeah, I guess so.

Again, I didn't realize. I don't know. I think we white people should be mad today. Call me crazy, in the hypothetical three-way, I'm using my cock. Yes, yes. I added my hand either. For sure using it and putting it everywhere. My one regret of the answer was the corner part.

That was the worst part. I think the whole thing. That's my worst part. I think the whole thing. That's my one regret. I would stick with my answer. I think it's a good answer. You can take Gosling out. I like the answer. No, the hell you can't.

He's a good looking guy. No, the hell you can't. Oh, man. You prefer a devil's threesome. A devil's threesome has two horns. He just wants to watch an extended cut of the notebook. Do you understand what a threesome is? I know what it is.

I don't think you do. Fundamentally, I'm an adult. I don't think you do. I know what's going on. I just think. Do you? I went for more of a tasteful approach. It's a threesome.

Yeah. All three people are involved. Tasteful? I was involved in that scenario. I was involved in that scenario. No, not really. You weren't. I backed myself in a little corner.

Yeah, you did. I'm giving you a second chance. You want me to give another answer? Yeah. Okay. I can already tell you don't have one. I don't have one. This is Jake explaining sex to his kids.

All right, here we go. I don't want to be... So when Ryan Gosling wants to fuck Rachel McAdams... I usually get in my corner, and then we say, ready, set, go. Now, recycle your answer. Do it entirely different. Yeah, do it. Go ahead.

All the basic answers are lame. I like my answer because it's unique. Oh, do you? No one's going to have one. The answer was lame. Well, so what? It's like. Oh, the answer was lame. So what? It's like, oh, Margot Robbie and fucking whatever. Like, that's it.

Oh, you almost got there. You almost got there. That's a threesome. That's lame. You were so close to a threesome. Got Margot Robbie and ugh. You cannot get that. He was trying to say Leo.

You can't comprehend the two women. How do I fill all these holes? I also know myself, and I know I couldn't. That's not the question. It's a hypothetical thing. Oh, shit, dude. You're in a room full of guys that would come in 10 seconds. Take that part away.

We all know. It's a dream scenario. You're fucking like a stallion. No qualms. There's no anxiety. It's about to say Leo. Let's do Margot Robbie and Madison Beer would be my two picks. Okay.

Let's go. I would love to see them say something about beer. Is Madison Beer a woman or a man? That's a woman. Okay. Good job. There's go. I would love to see them say something about beer. Is Madison Beer a woman or a man? That's a woman. Okay. Good job. There we go. I'm going to get you in trouble.

Let me see Madison Beer real quick. She's Madison Beer. Would you be in the corner of this one? You're no stranger to that, big guy. You probably had a bunch back in your day. Addison Beer is a talented individual. She is. Good singer. Oh. Addison Beer is a talented individual. She is. Good singer.

Oh. No, I don't know her. She's my age-ish, which is, you know. Again, hypothetically, you don't have to do ages. We're getting closer. We're getting closer. Yeah. My buddy swapped spit with her.

You told me that. That shit lasted with me. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, she was just like a normal person, obviously, before she was famous. So your buddy is hypothetical Eskimo bros with Malasek? Yeah. Wow. Damn.

Congratulations. Thanks. I feel good that you were able to get one out there. But I still don't think he believes in it. No, he doesn't. He's confident. He's confident in it. I did that for you guys. In his head, he's trying to decide. Obviously, Sidney Sweeney is hotter than Maude Apatow,

but he wants Fezco there, not Nate. Yeah. I keep picturing the visual of you in the corner, just like your arms by your side and a grout fit, just watching Ryan Gosling. Oh, man. That was awesome yeah all right thank you jake thanks jake jake more jake in random twitter spaces there he is look at it there he goes jake malakuk man. That was great.

He's not happy. He's gay. He's like shaking his head like, damn, I nailed that. I should have gone with a guy. Shouldn't have let him do that to me. I should have stuck with my guns. What was he thinking? I just imagine him walking into like a threesome being like,

so there's two vaginas that need dicks in it? One of you bitches got to go. What? I only have one. I'm fucked. Oh, that was great. Great topic. That was awesome.

And us six would dominate threesomes with two girls. I would fuck the shit out of two girls at once. That's why I'm confident with everything we're saying. It would go, it would be on. Just say that. You ever catch me with two celebrities that want to have a threesome? Shit would be on. There's almost definitely another attractive girl in the notebook i don't

know i feel like it'd be like doing a bop it oh no i'd be so scared i would never i would i would just come and be like all right i'm gonna go shower real quick i would definitely just pick one i think you'd yeah you would have to focus on one like run an iso go you can't give two like oh i think you gotta go like you, you've got to use your hands. Maybe a guy would be less cumbersome. Yeah, actually. Less pressure, too. You know what?

Because like, it also would be cool because it's like. Also, I'd like to be able to like riff. Right, like if you want to talk about like what the game on tonight or something, like, hey, what's your bracket like? Just hanging out with your buddy at that point. Also like, does this feel different than last time? Right. And then maybe. Yeah, I'm feel different than last time? Right. And then maybe... Yeah, I'm going to try something crazy.

Spot me. It was just three dudes just hanging out. It'd be like the yak. Hear me out, yeah. Yeah, like we do the wet wheel. We get in the shower together. Fuck. It's not that bad.

All right, Malzak. Yeah, Malzak's right. He was right. It was a good answer. Yeah. Yeah, I just like to fucking hang with two of my bros and fuck it doesn't sound like a terrible afternoon hypothetically especially if you got rachel mcadams no she's not she's out like i like the idea of malicek being a straight individual in

life but all his hypotheticals are weirdly gay and he's just like can't wait what when you say back to him he's like no dude his brain like Wait, what? And when you say it back to him, he's like, no, dude. His brain, like, short-circuited when he had to come up with another chick. Yeah. He couldn't get there. Unbelievable. That was amazing. He's got to get more spaces.

Yeah, I think. That's his wheelhouse. Can you, like, give him an assignment? Yeah. How do you find those? How do you find those? You just can search them. Threesome spaces?

Yeah, space. Threesome space. You know, threesome spaces. Threesome space. Yeah, threesome spaces. It could be a guy. It could be a guy. Yeah. Oh, the hell. Oh, the hell it can't.

Oh, hell. Oh, the hell. Okay. We're going to make that a drop, TJ. What the fuck? How would you have conducted that? From Adamsville. As if we get Enrique in here, like, what's your threesome?

He's just right off the cuff. He's got two chicks. How would you have conducted yourself if you were in his situation? If it was him, I would have probably just left. I would have definitely bounced. Yeah. I'd be like, got to go, guys. Thanks.

Yeah. My phone's dying. Bye. Yeah. All right. That was really good. That was a good riff. I just don't know where we go. It was great. Yeah. That was really good. That was a good riff. I just don't know where we go. Great.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like I just did a threesome. Like I'm depleted after that. Yeah, me too. Stretch mouth. A lot of laughs. I feel like my dopamine is just at a zero. That was that peaked.

It felt so good. Funny ass dude. Yeah, he's going to be rattled the rest of the day. Oh. Yeah. For a while. Beyond rattled, dude. Did you see how he walked out of here?

Yeah. I think that's a... Was it a... He's asking, like, producers he's never talked to at the urinal. Like, that's... It's not that weird, right? Yeah. Like, you...

It's not that weird to... Like, the first two times. It's not that weird to, like, want to stand in a corner and watch Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling have sex, right? Like, you've thought about that. And the dude's like, at the prince, like, I never even fucking met you, dude. What?

I'm Reese from Flight of the Conchords. There's definitely a thousand yard stare happening upstairs right now. Does he have a girlfriend? He just goes home? He's talking to himself. There's definitely a thousand yard stare happening upstairs right now. Does he have a girlfriend? He goes home. He's just like. That would make it worse. You ever want to just have a threesome with me and another dude?

That's not crazy, right? Jake's fine. I hang out with him. He's single. Uh-oh. I guess I've never seen him. Yeah. Oh, God.

Oh, man. We've got a big game tonight. He does get in the corner right when we get to the bar. He does gravitate toward any corner. He just likes to be a watcher. It's just like an unwritten rule. They all let him smoke. Corner party

Put himself in there All the bars in Big Town Yeah I just noticed that He just smoked He just gets to smoke at bars In the corner What? What the fuck?

Alright So no show tomorrow on Friday. Has anyone told Frank? No. I think you should go. I could tell him. I'll text him. We can let him do a solo show.

No, we can't now. I think we're going to be using all the YouTubes tomorrow. I don't know, though. For live streams. This is at the new bar? Yeah, in Philly. I don't know if it's open to the public yet. Okay.

But we'll be back on Monday. We're just doing it. It's only two days a year. Obviously, March Madness. We don't really want to run counter-programming. Yeah. Next week, during like Sweet 16, we will be doing the Yak, because that's at night, right?

Yes. Correct. Talking to myself there. Yeah, what was that? You knew what time the games were. Just figuring it out. Yeah, those games are at night. Those games are at night, so we'll be doing the Yak.

Those games are at night. They're after the daytime. Is everyone back next week? What is the next week? I've got to go to Biz's Hall of Fame induction. Oh, yeah, when is that? Oh, that's the 25th, 4th, 5th, 6th. I don't know. I'm excited. Wheeling, West Virginia. What is the next week? I got to go to Biz's Hall of Fame. When is that? Oh, that's 25th, 4th, 5th, 6th.

I don't know. I'm excited. Wheeling, West Virginia. That's going to be incredible. When's the last time you were home? Quarantine? Christmas. Did you ever go to Wheeling Nailers games?

A few. They've gotten more popular over the years. Like, it's a big social event really friday like beer night or whatever sounds like a bar it's like a bar yeah yeah bar just had friday beer night friday beer night are they also other liquors so they're they're probably price they're probably the talk of the town the nailers like if you're a nailer and you're walking around town do people recognize you and take pictures? No. No.

I bet a little. I don't know if any of them are recognizable. Is? The current one, I don't know. Is is a Hall of Famer. He's a Wheeling Nailer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think when he played for the Nailers is when he did his famous, where he wore the WWE wrestler belt during warm-ups.

It's like one of the best stories ever. He wore like a wrestler belt, then he was going to fight some dude and he just stretched with a wrestling belt on it's amazing it's unreal he also did a rap he did a rap in like 2011 in wheeling what's it called scrannicity i don't know i know the video you're talking about i don't know. I know the video you're talking about. I don't know where you wrapped. Yeah, it's an old school video. All right. Well, we'll see you every Monday. Good luck on your brackets. Good luck on gambling.

Thursday, Friday, we'll be live streaming every single game. If anyone has any wrestling pools that I can enter, send me the I'm in, I'm game. I want you and Jersey Jerry to do a quick Twitter space. Twitter space. Twitter space. We'll do that, yeah. Yeah. All right. See everyone.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. It's the act It's the act That's time to talk shop And do a Yankee pop It's the act It's the act It's the act

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