The Yak - White Sox Dave's Shoes Keep Getting Bigger and Bigger | The Yak 1-25-24

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

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It's the yak by me it's just me i'm the only one here kyle has just arrived we have kyle and he just went on a scouting mission to find us more yakkers don't take on that awkward host affect i'm not doing an awkward host f all right all right what you see you're doing it now, kind of. Well, now you got me thinking about it, yes. I'm not doing the awkward host affect. Hello, Rudy. Where's Titus? I don't know.

Kyle just told me to come in here. Yeah, fill some seats. Yeah, where's Titus? You tell me. You tell me. Did you get anybody else? Are they on the way? I got Danny C, yeah.

Okay. All right. Nice. Who else do we need? What's up, Yak? Is White Sox Dave in the building? I didn't see him. Have not seen him.

I can text him. I don't know. He moves below the radar. It's hard to expect people to be here on a Thursday. All right, Danny. Yeah. Come on. Sit down, Danny.

Most people, I think, are at the lunch line right now. There's the lunch line, and then there's, of course, Rough and Rowdy tonight, which is taking some people away. You have several things. I think some people are in New York, too. As much as I'd like to get Blutman, we got a – He's on a pitch count? He's on anus tomorrow.

Oh, is he really? Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah, you want the Bachelor-Blutman combo. Yeah, but most – yeah, we're excited for the episode. I'll just talk about Blutman. I'm becoming friends with his dad. His dad's a friendly guy.

His dad's a friendly guy. I have a texting relationship with his dad. We talk about wrestling a lot. Big wrestling fan. And he's the guy that I guess I'd produce, for lack of a better word, Boy Meets World. But a huge wrestling fan. In the 80s, he was a stand-up comedian whose gimmick was he was a wrestler.

And he wore a... Mr. Bl whose gimmick was he was a wrestler. And he wore a... Mr. Blutman? Mr. Blutman. He was called Crusher Comic. And he came out on the stage, and he had a mask, and he had all these things. I hope that's not a secret. But, yeah, he was... That's awesome.

A stand-up comic that was... Did he tell jokes or just, like, hump the mic? He told jokes based on the premise of him being a professional wrestler. And it was relatively successful, I think. Do you think any – which professional wrestler would do the best at stand-up? Oh, MJF would be incredible. MJF, who's been on the show before. Yeah, he's funny.

He'd be like an insult comic. He'd be like Don Rickles. He'd be great. He'd be fantastic. Dolph Zigg been on this show before. Yeah, he's funny. He'd be like an insult comic. He'd be like Don Rickles. He'd be great. He'd be fantastic. Dolph Ziggler has tried it before. He is a stand-up comic in his spare time. Hello, Titus. You think he's funnier than you?

Hi, Brandon. Funnier than you? Yeah. Dolph? I don't think Dolph's that funny. I think he's okay. I did put out an invitation to CM Punk on Twitter to see if he's going to roll up and be part of the show today. I know he lives in Chicago, so if he shows up.

That'd be sick. But I can't say he's going to be here. Are you still fighting diarrhea? Yeah, we're on to game seven. You had a 3-1 lead? I had a 3-1 lead. And what do the three wins entail, just pooping regularly? Yeah, yeah.

We were in a good spot. Went back home. Lost a close one. And then, yeah, I just got my ass kicked on the road. So we're going back home for game seven. Damn. All the momentum's gone. Yeah, dude.

Is this an unpopular opinion? I think diarrhea is a top three way to shit as far as comfort and satisfaction. I'd be hard-pressed to come up with two other ways. Diarrhea is better than having to strain to get it out it has a bad rap because it's usually associated with something else well as well well it's also a lingering problem if it was like i sat down i diarrhea i move on with my day but now this is a fight i'll be fighting all day and that's the issue that is that every every hour and a half i have to but as far as execution goes not not terrible yeah it's not i don't think it's the worst. Is that every hour and a half I have to stop what I'm doing. But as far as execution goes, not terrible.

Yeah, it's not. I don't think it's the worst one. As far as when it comes to toilet time, it's not the worst one. No. As far as sitting there and what you do. Constipation, way worse. Way worse. Way worse.

I'm with Kyle. I've said it before. I think the sensation can be relieving. You've said it before. I've been saying this. The problem is it's always urgent. It's always an emergency every time you have to diarrhea. That's true.

And if you diarrhea your pants, that's a nightmare. But if you make it in time and get it done, you feel like you've diffused a bomb. Yes, the sense of relief is similar to ejaculation. Non-urgent diarrhea is probably pretty pleasant. I think I'm past the point of not being right next to a toilet at all times. New York made it tricky. New York put you in a lot of precarious positions. At least me, I had a lot of moments.

Yeah, if you're walking. Yeah, you're stranded. 15 minutes from home. Yeah, but you're never closer to as many toilets as you are in New York, but you're never further away. And you're like, should I try the hotel? Should I try the Starbucks? It's a gamble.

I would use the office as a safe house a lot because it was – I lived in Brooklyn and the office was in Midtown multiple times. Like on a weekend, like if I stayed somewhere and I had to shit in the morning, I'd pop in the office. Or if you have a certain Starbucks' code memorized, you got the keys to the city. I had it in my notes app, yeah. Yeah. So, Rudy, you found out just now that you won the latest snake draft we were on.

I did, yeah. How good is that feeling? Feels good. It feels great. I mean, that draft was interesting because I think everyone's draft was good. Yeah. Upon further review, Chiefs, the lack of variety was insane. Yeah, it wasn't very good.

And I don't really care to talk about the draft because that's some navel gazing we do at barstool but you were there you saw white socks dave's argument with me i loved it you saw it in person yeah the man is the man is unhinged the man is different than anything we've got he is uh a rare kind of person where i don't know how you win i don't think you do you don't and that's why i loved it like i i can't i'm in this phase right now where i don't know how you win i don't think you do you don't and that's why i loved it like i i can't i'm in this phase right now where i've been gaming with him a lot yeah i can't get enough of him he is just such a spectacle he he bodied you and you were in the you were arguing you were in the right yeah but i wasn't part of the argument he pulled you into an argument he used me as an avatar to argue with and beat me at it but i

never participated in it which is why i loved it so much yeah he's like i was his i was just tackling dummy he was just waiting for someone to say zelda and then he was just going to tee off on him and you were the first person to say zelda and he's like oh this person hates zelda the three different levels you went through when you said uh what did i just say each one had a different meaning too it's like what did i just find? Each one had a different meaning too. It's like, what did I just say? You find that clip of me and Eddie tweeted it on Monday. Yeah, it's a dog walk promo clip. It's a dog walk promo clip.

It's this argument that me and White Sox Dave had where he just put something, words in my mouth I didn't say and argued against it. He didn't listen to a word. And kept arguing against it. He talks to everyone like he's anticipating them to call him like a short queer in 10 seconds. Yes, exactly.

Even if you're so nice. His defenses are up all the time. Yeah, you're right. He is. I think every conversation is a part of it. So what was his fictional argument? We'll have to pull it up. Otherwise, if I describe it.

It would be every Saturday night, the same group of six of us. And I'd just wait for Mario Kart. We'd go a couple hours, GoldenEye, a couple hours, Mario Kart, and I was a Mario Kart guy. I was not a GoldenEye guy. I would just get destroyed. You're the only person that's ever said that because GoldenEye is another pick that could have gone 1-1, I think.

It's an all-time, it's probably the best first person. You're an extreme outlier. What do you think I just said? I know. It blows my mind that you're saying that as a self-proclaimed video game guy that's seen all of them. It blows my mind. What do you think I said? You just said you don't like Goldeneye.

You stunk at it so you would wait for it. Oh, my God. Okay. Explain to me what you said then, Brandon. I said I wasn't good at it. What did you say? We were having a conversation about gold and i and what i said was i loved it it's a great game we would play it me and this group of six

guys but i was not good at it so i would always be first out and then i would have to wait for mario kart and he took that to mean i hated it and was stupid and i didn't like it and i'm the first guy to ever say that and he kept arguing that despite the fact i got nowhere close to saying it it was it was a sight to behold he's i don't know if that makes him the best argue argument guy or the worst i think it does because how do you defeat someone who one doesn't even understand the battlefield right and two will not concede defeat well he's also i i like to think he's like a ufc fighter that like he if he knocks the guy down and the ref is over the guy waving him off he's just diving on still trying to fight yeah even though

the the fight is is done although he's never really knocked anybody out in this scenario right every shower he must be rehearsing a hypothetical fight that he's gonna get in that will never happen you think he's like the bagel boss guy? What? Like the bagel boss guy? I haven't heard that name in years. Maybe not to that level. That's the thing. He is not the caricature that he thinks. He is not.

There's no nice way to say it. He's a funny guy. Yeah. I think he's sneaky, a comedic genius at this point. After that clip, he was just choosing not to listen to you. It's like in a movie. You're like, wait, hold on. Let me say one more thing. He knows that to an extent, what he's doing, a comedic genius at this point. After that clip, he was just choosing not to listen to you. It's like in a movie. You're like, wait, hold on. Let me say one more thing.

He knows that to an extent, what he's doing, I think. No, he doesn't. He did something to me unintentionally that was one of the funniest things ever. Last week, he came up to me. He's like, hey, you want to play Warzone tonight? And I was like, oh, I might play something different tonight, but if it doesn't work out, I'll let you know. He's like, all right, I'll be on.

Just let me know. So I go home. I'm playing this game. Finish it quickly. I'm like, all right, fuck, I got to do something. So Dave said he wanted to play Warzone. So I text him like, hey, I'm actually going to play Warzone. Let's play.

And he goes, can't tonight. Busy. And I was like, he crushed me. Because he was like in my you know how he talks to you he gets like in your personal space yeah he's like i'm playing we're playing warzone tonight and i'm like okay yeah like if i'm free i'll do it he's like okay let me know i'm in text him and he's like i can't i'm busy i was just like what the fuck no that's that's like that's like perfect ladies man stuff right there right like you exactly you get a woman wanting to

do something with you and you're like nah i'm busy exactly you get a woman wanting to do something with you, and then you're like, no, I'm busy. Exactly. You always leave them wanting more. Exactly, yeah. I'm enamored by him. I'm, like, years late on this completely, but I'm completely enamored with him now. I love seeing all the New York people chop it up with Dave and try to diffuse him, what we've all been dealing with the past three years.

No one's really been that successful yet. You have acute White Sox Dave exposure. Right. You need to be studied years down the line. yeah yeah yeah it's like a smoker's lifespan or something it affected me you have that like shell shock look whenever we bring him up oh yeah he's like he's gonna be like of course you're talking about me danny's on the act which is fair but you guys were talking about him when i got here yeah titus you wanted to bring up the fact that Margot Robbie did not get a Best Actress nomination. It was more Greta Gerwig that I was upset with. I felt like Barbie hit on some of the key themes.

I don't know. I'm running out of steam. Greta Gerwig, she played the other Barbie? Yeah, she was the other Barbie. She was also the director, correct? She was the director, yeah. Robbie got nothing? No, I'm pretty sure Ryan Gosling got all the awards.

Which is very ironic. Ryan Gosling won all the awards. Yeah, the dude from the movie is... Dude, I'm so jealous right now. Of what? I don't want to change subjects, but my brother got me this jersey for christmas oh yeah and i was so stoked i was like oh hypothetically if there's some day where

i get involved in jersey day i'm gonna bust out a banger and now he fucking oh here's the thing so we we started jersey day you know a couple whenever we started the show when you you saw the glenny balls when i saw the glenny balls i said i want to bring back the balls yeah and um at this point fans just send us the jerseys. Somebody sent us that jersey. And they don't send return addresses. I don't know who sends it. It's just, I don't know if it's one benefactor or if it's two or if it's three.

But the last five or six jerseys we've worn, including that one, have been sent in by fans. Last week I was wearing the Scott Stapp Dallas Cowboys number 11. Yeah, that was sick too. Famous by the Thanksgiving Day concert. I believe by Scott Stapp. Scott Stapp, yep, yep, 11. Yeah, that was sick too. Famous by the Thanksgiving Day concert. I believe by Scott Stapp. Scott Stapp, yep, yep, correct. So you guys have enough to get you through the year?

I was going week to week, but now I'm stocked up. But how often are you purchasing new ones? I was buying one a week, and now I've been about a month where I haven't had to buy one. But I'm going to have to buy one but i'm gonna have to buy one for next week i feel good where i'm at yeah i can make it through the year i could yeah but you could wear old titus jerseys yeah i but i have my brother sent me a big buy i i think i might be able to last the duration of the show which is not the rest of the year it's like well

i mean like you and i both we have an idea in our head of when the show is going to end right right yeah late summer um and i think i'll be good till then yeah okay we should be able to make it through the summer i think people do have dressing fetishes they like to see other men or women anyone wear their articles of clothing people are just very nice in general i think people are nice in sending stuff. Last night, I tweeted out my Pokemon starting five, which I don't even think that's a thing in Pokemon. It is now.

I'm getting conflicting reports. Some people are like, you got to go top six. Others are, it's four only. But I busted out all my packs, tweeted out my top five, and I was getting DMs like crazy from people that were like, let me send you some Pokemon cards. Let me beef up that collection. People are super nice.

I felt guilty. I was like, you don't need to do that. If you have shitty cards, I don't want them. If you have good cards, I don't want you to send them to me. I want you to, yeah, you take them. But people are very nice. Tommy Walker will get in on that free Pokemon card action. You texted him last night Tommy

I noticed that even in the group chat Tommy's making it all work for him Oh yeah He'll like a text And he'll say one word answers Or alright then or okay then and that's it What did he respond to when you sent the picture of the whale He said awesome

He said awesome That's pretty good I was like that's a win and then i went for extra credit i tried to make a joke acting like i was the one who took the picture of the whale i said when i saw it i got my phone out so fast and he just said lol and that that hurt because he knew i was lying i don't know i find it funny i think a solid. Recognizing the joke and laughing at the joke is okay. If you're 55 plus, LOL, good. Okay. Under 15, I guess, good too.

He's 13. Yeah. Maybe it was. Okay. All right. What would you expect from someone our age? What would be an appropriate laughing response? See, that joke wouldn't play with like a 30-year-old.

Yeah. What is the- But ha, ha, ha. Three has. Yeah, three has. And no dangling H. Really? L-M-A-O.

He's right. The dangling H sucks. Why so? The dangling H is abrupt. It's like, ha, ha. But it's almost like you're in the middle of a laugh. You got to get the three has out. I think it's three has.

I hit women with the dangling H. Satisfy my ego. The dangling H is you're in the middle of your laugh and you realize what's going on and you stop it like that if you let the haas come out you're you're uninhibited by ha you're you're laughing so hard overcome by haas yeah you're just like i can't well let's do this what does one ha mean oh one ha is bad one ha bad that's sarcastic that's sarcastic yeah two haws is not quite laughing. Two haws is not laughing.

Nothing you said was remotely funny. Two haws is just me making you think it's funny. It's a polite laugh. Two haws is I know you were trying to make a joke, so I'll acknowledge that, but I did not laugh. At most, you blow air out your nose. Okay, and three haws is the sweet spot. Three haws is perfect.

Yeah. Then you've got to deal with the emoji guys, which is another ball game. Well, I've got one more haws question. What if it goes overboard and it's like 12 haws? That's too many haws. I love that. But I think that's really laughing. Yeah, that means you really won.

It's like laughing at a hot girl's joke. You're laying it on thick. Yeah, it's laying it on thick. So what is the perfect, like what is the best case scenario? I got one. What if they text back, that's funny or that's so funny? Crying laughing emojis. What about how many of those?

I think crying laughing emojis is very, very good. That's near the top, right? I think two of those is where you're at. I think that's the sweet spot. It's gone down from three to two i've never used them i think one is one is okay three is overkill i think two is the sweet spot are you zero emojis guy no emojis ever not really it's just not it's like a like trying to wear jordan sevens yeah it's not who i am But I think the best one of all, correct me if I'm wrong, LMAO, preferably with a couple O's on the end.

Yeah, throw in an F. That F will, yeah. I've never used LMAO in my life. You should try it. It's a good feeling. I don't think it would feel good. I like receiving it, but I don't know if I could give it. Yeah, you'd be like the how do you do fellow kids meme.

Yeah, I really am. Go on Twitter right now and find a tweet that's funny to you and just reply LMAO. It might take a minute but i i would be i don't think you can do that show highlights and yes yeah what about just like the the haha react to a text i think that might be one of the worst oh good point i'll throw that around i throw that around there's a group chat and it's busy it's fair in a group chat okay i'm gonna go find the first funny thing i see and i'm on lmao yeah just lmao let it sit there for a second and then tell us how you feel go back to that dog walk clip oh no the best case is if you say something like wheezing dying dead howling skull emojis howling

yeah oh yeah the skull is the best one skull is the best case maybe i ask it i am deceased period stop a stop when they start getting mad at you that's the funniest yeah you better fucking stop yeah i'll be giggling crazy like you'reling them and they just can't take it anymore. Blutman was getting me there when he was on. He was getting me places. He was making me laugh. He has a different style that tickles a different funny bone. We found Blutman as a mascot on Mostly Sports.

Y'all talking about Blutman, right? Yeah. We found him as a mascot. Do you remember what the mascot's name was? It's the Canadiens guy, Yuppie. Yeah, yeah yuppie you ever seen the montreal canadians mascot no it's uh tj pull up the montreal canadians mascot it is that's that's that's him oh my god that's blubman yeah yeah that's him that is perfectly him that's him. That is perfectly him. That's him. That's exactly how he looks. There's no difference in that. Yeah.

The shape, the eyes, he has really big eyes. Yeah. The hockey jersey? The hockey jersey. All right, now show us the mascot. No pants. What team is this? Canadians?

Montreal Canadiens. He probably knows something about it. He probably knows where this dude went to high school. What have you got, Brandon? Well, I was looking at one that was a lady who was chasing her stroller out into the highway, and I thought there would be a reveal that it wasn't a kid. I'll find a tweet for you. I'll send you a tweet.

Yeah, send him one of A. Juju's tweet or corn. You got to be careful, though. First time popping the LMAO chair. This is my first a tweet. Yeah, send him one of A. Juju's tweet or corn. You gotta be careful, though. First time popping the LMAO chair. This is my first one ever. It could be coming off as sarcastic. Are you on the For You page or following? There's a difference? On Twitter. I'm on the

For You. Should I be on following? You gotta do it to a co-worker, I think. Yeah, keep it in-house. Stay on For You. So we can gauge how they feel. Okay. Or following, I mean. Yeah, keep it in-house. Stay on for you. So we can gauge how they feel. Or following, I mean. Is there anybody you guys would like me to LMAO to? Someone that makes you giggle.

Yeah, it's a personal quest. All right. I'll find Ebony's Twitter. It was her birthday yesterday. It was. I texted her, happy birthday. Did you guys? I didn't know.

Fuck. I sent her a video. Fuck. What'd you say? I texted her happy birthday. Did you guys? I didn't know. Fuck. I sent her a video. Fuck. What'd you say? I said, happy birthday, sugar booty. That's what I call her. I don't know how your wife lets that shit on. Yeah, I'm like remote pissed.

Oh, well, my wife doesn't know. That's a commandment, brother. I had a dream about you, Brandon, last night. What'd I do? I just remembered this. I had a dream that, because you've been telling me to come over to your place so i think that was in my mind and i still need you to come to my place yeah well that doesn't make sense but we'll get there later it's only two hours away rudy i had a dream about you last night and i went to your house and i get in there and all of you were wearing wrestling gear

and it was just like a royal rumble in your home and i was laughing in and all of you were wearing wrestling gear and it was just like a royal rumble in your home and i was laughing at my and like you you your wife everyone was dressed up as wrestlers and you were i think i don't know what my wife or many of my kids look like so what do they look i know what your wife looks like you've met her i better okay they're wearing wrestling how did you how did you make the kids appear in your dream i've met tommy i've met you i've met your family huh there were four tommys there was there was tommy yeah uh you your wife and then another one that i just sort of a side character why do you think it's a problem that i've asked you to come to my house i need a twitch studio set up and you know how to do it

i need you to come but you need to get the computer first i rudy i got the computer six months ago oh i didn't know that i have a two thousand dollar gaming computer i bought for tommy for christmas you just took it what do you mean took it no i bought it but it's tommy's oh this is for me and tommy the twitch set okay sorry all right yeah well you're also like outsourcing you telling tj too like you're just going to the highest bidder. I would rather, out of the two of you, I'd rather you do it because I don't want an inconvenience, TJ. Okay, I didn't know you had the PC. Thanks, man.

So that changes it. Yeah. That changes it. I've got the PC. But yeah, I woke up laughing because the other thing I had in my head was, what's the old lady wrestler, Auntie May? Oh, May Young. May Young. Yeah. You did that to your had in my head was the old lady wrestler, Auntie May. Oh, May Young. May Young. Yeah. You did that to your wife in my dream.

The one where the guy picks her up. Power bombs her through a table? Yes. Yeah. That's Thursday nights at my house. That's one of the funniest videos I've ever had. Anyways, weird story, but I had a dream about Brandon. I found the tweet, Brandon.

All right. I'm going to go. I might not even look at it. Somebody did a Mount Rushmore of Kevin's, and Kevin Durant quote tweeted it and said, no disrespect. I got a question. What? Capital L-M-A-O or Donnie, put your stuff down and come in here.

Or you can come in here. Well, let me lay out the scenario. Kevin Durant just like a half an hour ago, someone did a Mount Rushmore of Kevin's. He wasn't on it, and he quote tweeted it and said, no disrespect, but Federer line over me is nasty. And I think you reply to Kevin Durant and you say LMAO. Not OO.

Yeah, that would be appropriate that's a good one that's a good one to durant respond why would what would the right and it's funny lmao oh yeah or two o's throwing and then throwing a skull yeah throwing throwing the skull emoji uh-huh ah wait he's going which one, he's going lowercase L. That means they know that you went back and uncapitalized. I was going to ask capital or not. Chick move? Capital L or capital all letters?

No, just capital L. Dude, capital all letters. Are you 60? You got to ease into it. All right. That's Facebook style. You can't be doing that. Which one is it?

Is it the first one or second one? The skull emoji. Yeah, that's Facebook style. You can't be wrong. Which one is it? Is it the first one or second one? The skull emoji. Oh, second. I don't know, man. I think it's the first one. What do you guys use, though, with the bones behind the skull or just the skull? No, just skull. No bones.

Okay. No bones. So you don't know what you're talking about. I'm not a skull emoji. Bro, do it your own style, man. Do what feels right. Yeah. talking about i'm not a skull emoji bro do it your own style man do what feels right yeah this is like donnie did we distract you from your ultra marathon edit which i don't want to do um yeah but i'm i'm

taking a little break and how's that good what percentage do you think you're through with it maybe 35 40 on the ugandan football doc yeah it's not like editing a normal vid when I'm just like, oh, I'm going to eat this weird food. And like that shit isn't too hard. There's like a storyline involved. Yeah. A storyline. And like when you film, I filmed like four full practices, two games. And then it's like trying to condense all that.

Tedious as hell. Why don't you get Billy to help? That's funny that's so funny no i mean he has offered to help many times but there's not really anything he could do i don't think yeah um but yeah it's coming together it's looking great will there be a lot of new information in this edit? I know you updated us on the process the whole time pretty much. Yeah, yeah. Well, that makes sense. I'm sure there will be a lot of new things that haven't been seen before.

Yeah. Because, I mean, I've only told you kind of like the overall arc of what happens. But now you get to see how it happens. Yeah, it's like hard knocks. Exactly. Well, it's like Last Chance. Exactly. Well, it's like Last Chance U. That's why it's called Last Chance Uganda. How they probably don't get pussy.

I think they get plenty of pussy. What, Ugandan football players? No, not them. They might. Who gets more, you think? I would think the Last Chance U players. No way! I don't know about that. They have to work for it.

They have to really drive for it. One of the highest birth rates in the world. Well, I didn't know that we were comparing directly. I just think if you're a Last Chance U player, pussy's not really a problem. You just have to drive for it. You have to hunt for it. You have to go get it. I brought one of the players.

Hunt. Hunt. Driving and hunting. Yeah, dude. I brought one of the Ugandan players, Blue Chew, because he was complaining to Billy that he was having erectile dysfunction issues. All these guys were just doing therapy sessions with Billy about their sex lives? Yeah, but I can't tell.

Billy claims the guy asked him. He was like, I ate this girl out. Now I'm worried she's pregnant. And Billy was like, oh, no, you can't get a girl pregnant claims the guy asked him he was like i ate this girl out now i'm worried she's pregnant and billy was like oh no you you can't get a girl pregnant from just eating her out that sounds like a player who was just fucking with billy yeah yeah i know that they lack sex education sometimes but that's yeah but you should know that you can't have a tongue baby that's instinctive yeah that would be a legacy to leave behind if you've made that have a tongue baby. That's instinctive, yeah. That would be a legacy to leave behind if you made that happen. A tongue baby?

Mm-hmm. You told me it couldn't happen. I love the idea of Billy doing a sex ed class with all the Uganda football players. Me too. That would have been great content. Did you do the LMAO tweet? I did, yeah.

To Kevin Durant. He would do it in the frame of like a navy six uh like tier one operator breaching a building we'll do another one like he would frame it like that's the only thing he frames things is like in tactics yeah like he would figure out a way to be like you got to throw in a flashbang somehow disorient them yes yeah nice work brandon billy the video i'm working on now is when we went to a music festival the day before the game, and the U.S. Embassy warned U.S. citizens not to go because some terrorists had gotten across the border and were planning to do an attack at this music festival.

Where was the music festival? It was in Jinja, Uganda, the largest East African music festival. Jinja? How is that spelled? Jinja's J-I-J-A. That's how Rudy types out slurs. The name of the music festival is very tricky to say. You can't say it fast because it's Nye niega festival was it fun though uh i think the

the terrorist warning really uh scared a lot of people off so you don't say that was not great you don't say put a damper on the day now was billy scared or was he on his mark walberg shit he was prepared to be on his mark walberg shit that doesn't surprise me for sure like but yeah he was head on a swivel constantly um but you got to be worried when he's so gung-ho like that because he could just tackle a random bystander yeah that happened at a trump uh protest in new york he saw a guy there wearing like gloves a jacket like a mask over his face and billy was like that dude's planning something he's planning something and he was like getting ready to attack him he was getting ready to attack a random guy well he was walking around this was

like uh during the trump arraignment or something in new york and there was like a protest between the left and the right and he was going there to film a vid and this guy was looking like super shady like shades you couldn't like see his skin at all he was completely covered up and then he came up to me and he asked me he was like where's like where's the arraignment and I pointed him in the right direction Billy's like no why'd you tell him where to go? So is he like an ultra paranoid dude? It seems like it. I mean, I kind of, I don't fault him for being paranoid at this music festival. Yeah.

Yeah, I think he is a little paranoid. I think he's just like what we were saying with White Sox Dave. He just spends a lot of time fantasizing about situations. He sees himself as a hammer. And once you've told yourself that enough enough everything looks like a nail to you and you're ready to fucking i'm ready to fucking get let's get some fucking right that is how they both are that's how he goes about the world yeah yeah we were only at the music festival because we had to go through it to get to see the source of the Nile, which was pretty damn cool. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Where is that? It's in Jinja. It's like in this part of the river. You just see some water bubbling up. And I guess that's where 30% of the water in the Nile River comes from. It flows from that spot all the way to the Mediterranean. That's amazing.

I bet you know some cool Nile facts, KB. Not really. No? Okay. Yeah, it's probably mostly desert, right? So is there a lot of towns along the river like in the U.S.? Once you get down to Uganda, it's green and jungle. But the first half of the Nile, it's just mostly desert.

Basic geography fact, where in africa is is uganda is it central central southern east africa east africa yeah but it's not in the top the top's all desert right yep mostly and then it gets yeah gets more temperate as you i didn't know the tunisians like we all we give the credit to the to the Vietnamese monk for setting himself on fire. Yeah. The Tunisians also do that shit. Really? Yeah.

Like it's like dozens a year. Immolation? Is that what it's called? Self-immolation? Self-immolation. Self-immolation. And then in India, they used to, when the husband died, the wife would have to, they would set the husband on fire and the wife would have to jump into the fire and die with the husband. Whoa.

Wow. Which is insane. I think they did that until like the late 1800s or something. You can't even fathom that. Why are they doing that? To protest. I guess the wife has to go down with the ship. Why is he going down in the first place?

Well, just if he just happens to die of natural causes then the wife they burn his they burn his body he's not so but then the wife it gets burnt alive because she yeah she she so if there's a couple they're 45 years old he dies of a heart attack she might try to hide him in the house for for a while yeah i'd say so to buy one get one for like a weekend at bernie's situation where she just props him up and puts sunglasses on him and he's he's fine do funeral services do like sales yeah they do like pay to play shit they do uh the the tombstones do the sales where that's why like couples will get like you, if you go to a graveyard and it says Sally died in 1994, but Bob does the damage. But I don't think that.

Because you buy your tombstones together. But I don't think you do that because it's a bargain. You do that just to get the spot. Yeah, but you're buying your plots at the same, oh. Yeah, but it's not a bargain. You're not doing it because, oh my God, they got tombstones for half off. I'll go ahead and do it now. You do it because you want the spot to be buried next to her right they're doing the same shit as salesmen really any salesman they

got bargains it's completely sold i don't think that's a bar i don't think you're bargain hunting when you buy a dual uh tombstone you got one foot as such you got one foot in the grave at what at what point are you going to start thinking that through? Like, when is it time to buy my plot? I put my down payment on my plot two years ago. Yeah, so I'm almost, I'm halfway there. So I can die in like three years. Is it a timeshare? It's coming up soon. I can die in three years.

My wife's got another ten. Are you getting a standard tombstone? Or is it going to be jutting out? I actually haven't started planning it. Well, you need to know. We shouldn't get too far in the weeds on this because we'll have it planned out by the end of the show. stone or is it going to be jutting out i actually haven't started planning it um well i don't know we shouldn't get too far in the weeds on this because we'll have it planned out by the end of the show it's not a bad thing always be repaired i actually when i when i did bury my dad he's out in the country at a little cemetery that's got like it it's like half acre. And they did tell me, now listen, we're running out of spots.

So if you want to get buried here too, you got to let us know now. Like, no, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to let you know that now. It'd be a lot easier if you just died right now. If you want your spot, you better go ahead and take it. There is an age that you get to that's all you talk about and all you think about is dying. Yeah.

Like, it's, yeah, it's, I don't know. Am I good? Oh, thank you, thank you. Yeah, the Bhutanese have it right. No, we call you good. Well, the Bhutanese do. I am now, yeah. I think they just let the body chill there for a while, and they don't really think much of it.

It's just a part of life. Really? Really. What if it starts changing?'s you know stinking yeah all that that happens fast regurgitating pus and stuff yeah regurgitating what they do about that is pus still a thing once you uh you know what i don't know all right what do we got on the playbook so uh he's got several things he wants to talk about the dozen i'm skipping that because i'm tired of the dozen shit. What should we do?

Yeah, that would be. We can make Mincy dance like a Malaysian macaque monkey while we throw shoots and roots at him and tug on his tail. Or we can taunt and ridicule you for losing your professional wrestling podcast. Those are our two options. We can really dig at you for your upbringing and how pathetic it is. I wanted to propose something for tomorrow. I have a guy bringing in a bunch of lobster,

and I was going to ask if the Yak would do a de-meating competition where you each get a lobster, and then you have a certain amount of time to get the most meat out of the lobster. Yeah, sure. And then you weigh it, see who got the the most out you get kind of sideways on friday last week you had somebody come in to cook too didn't you yeah that's what i'm filming the new season of gooned up so i just have like a chef come in to make a new type of rangoon every friday okay okay yeah i'm in yeah i'll do a lot i will say when we did it on the boat is that would you call that d meeting when

we were on the lobster boat? Yeah. Were you doing it yourself, though, or did you just kind of have the guy? I was around the scene. Yeah. You were in the scene. Were you doing it then? The only downfall is it kind of made me lose my –

lobster didn't seem as appetizing after that, after I saw the behind the scenes smells did you do that live lobsters colors and oh so all the bad smells that just came from the bait that you put in the lobster trap though but there was parts of the lobster that i wasn't completely hip with you don't have to eat those parts i know but the fact that it was on there yeah that's what i think about when i eat lobster now i still love it still my top three so yeah mean, at least you had some. Nick didn't have any of that lobster. He's afraid of it, yeah. It's a shame.

Do they take all the bad stuff off the lobster before we get it as consumers? Even the live lobster, do they take that stuff off? I mean, what's the bad stuff? I don't know. You guys are the ones referring to the bad stuff. I just saw hues and colors and bulges and I don't know. Little parts of the lobster that I wouldn't necessarily want to eat. You'll see some greens in there.

That stuff's called tamale. I don't know what exactly it is, but it doesn't taste bad, but then I heard it's bad for you. You don't have to eat any of this lobster. It's just about seeing how much meat you can get out of the shell. I'd like to eat it. We're going to have lobster here. I'd like to eat it.

Why? So when you take apart a lobster, why, when you do a crab, you get a mallet, but a lobster you don't? Like, why did that change in the culture? Yeah, lobster, you get those kind of like those, what are they called? It looks like a nutcracker. Like pliers almost. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you use the pliers um i have no idea must be a maryland thing i think it's just i think they did it just because it's fun to smash a crab with a hammer it is and it yeah that wouldn't really work too well with a lobster i'm gonna be terrible at this i have no idea you're not good at d meeting no idea how to do it. They don't have any Lake Erie lobsters in Ohio? I don't think I really ate lobster until I left the Midwest. And at that point, I just paid somebody to do it for me. When did you leave the Midwest? I just paid somebody to do it for me.

That sounded like an opening line of your autobiography. Yeah. autobiography yeah yeah i i literally have never in my life demeaned a fucking sea urchin or whatever classification lobster and crab and now you're getting into genus and phylum yeah whatever phylum um demeaning sea urchins would be very fun to watch though why would it be fun to watch because people would get seriously hurt oh good that would be fun fun to watch, though. Why would it be fun to watch? Because people would get seriously hurt. Oh, good. That would be fun. Yeah.

It's like the mousetraps you guys use. Are sea urchins dangerous? Mousetraps of the sea. Are they dangerous? No, but they're covered in those crazy spikes. Yeah. Oh. They'll fuck you up if you step on one.

Yeah. It'll hurt like a motherfucker. I always thought growing up, porcupines would play a bigger role in my life. I thought that was a ubiquitous animal. Speak for yourself, dude. Yeah, I just thought porcupines were everywhere, but they're not really. You don't see a lot of porcupines. No, you don't.

Have you ever seen a live porcupine? I've seen footage of them fending off some pretty tough beasts. Yeah, they'll get you. The beast will have the thing sticking all out of them. But I've never encountered one in real life. That was homard bound, right? Homard bound. Yeah, Chance got get you. The beast will have the thing sticking all out of them. But I've never encountered one in real life. That was homer bound, right? Homer bound. Yeah, Chance got smoked in the face.

I guess I thought that was like mine. I've encountered a lot of skunks. I've come face to face with many a skunk. A couple possums. Imagine that. A raccoon. Never a porcupine. I've seen them while driving.

Really? Skunks? No, porcupines. Like in cars or on the street? The porcupines? Where do you see them? Oh, it's on the side of the road. Oh.

Just sort of plodding along. Are they a plodding animal? Yeah, well, they're kind of lazy because of the spikes. Oh, yeah, they don't have to, yeah. Yeah. Like when they get attacked by like a mountain lion, they kind of just like go for it. Oh, they don't run off? Not really.

I mean, they'll like get a defensive position, but they ain't moving quick. What kind of creatures, aside from like the mountain shit, did you have in Colorado? Pine Martins was the rarest animal I ever saw. Is that a bird? It's very cool. It's like this very small rodent type thing. They're very cute, but they're incredibly hard to see.

And I saw one of them. That was really cool. Never saw a mountain lion. i was petrified that was my greatest fear because my dad i'd bring this up every yak my dad would bring me in the woods and i was always petrified i was gonna get eaten but um just a lot of like little rodents but nothing that crazy foxes a lot of foxes tons of foxes i think i told this i i always have this problem of retelling stories on the Yak, but my mom, we got this new landscaping, and this family of foxes made it their home. And I don't know if you've ever heard a baby fox.

Yeah. It's excruciating noise. They scream like a baby being assaulted. It's like a horrifying, screeching terrible noise my mom couldn't handle it she was mad about the landscaping and i had this pretty nice airsoft gun and my mom flipped my mom flipped a switch i'd never seen she went crazy she went crazy she like she like hired me as like a merc like she was like sit on the roof and if you see one of those fuckers shooting with the airsoft gun.

The airsoft gun's not going to kill it. That's not going to do shit. She was trying to scare it off? She was trying to buzz their tower. Okay. She was trying to intimidate them. Intimidate, yeah. And my mom, I was like, damn, okay. So I did it, and I don't think I hit one shot.

But I taped a laser pointer to my M16 airsoft gun, and I stood up there, and I tried to do my job. You stood on the roof of your house with a laser pointer taped to a gun, an airsoft gun, to intimidate foxes. Oh, shit, he has a sniper. Baby foxes. That's a great mission for a high school kid, though. Yeah, I won't lie. That would be fucking awesome.

Getting the order to go up on the roof is exciting yeah yeah i felt like chris collie even though i don't know i didn't know he was at the time delegating chores and you're you do the dishes you take out the trash you uh climb up on the roof with your airsoft gun and shoot foxes yeah but the other interesting thing is that in my neighborhood they would always be this like shift where like the foxes would come in bunny's gone and then the foxes would fuck off bunnies are back it's always like you never know it's bunny fox bunny fox bunny fox bunny fox never at the same time yeah yeah you know what i always thought would be a bigger problem you said porcupines quicksand is also like in this realm but uh drug sniffing dogs i always see them on the CTA in Chicago.

They're always by bus stop or at the airport. Several times you will have, maybe you smoked weed, had weed on you. You think at least that is the only time you could ever be got by a drug sniffing dog. If you guys take the train here, they're always on there. There's plenty of people with weed on them. I don't think they're looking for weed. I don't think they're looking for louse. They're looking for bumps. What did you expect? But then they say, but then there's

I would take the brown line and there would be a bomb sniffing dog like every day. And it's like, why are we expecting a bomb here? What an awful name for a subway line. A brown line? We got the brown line and the red line. Jesus Christ, dude.

Brown line. That does sound like a euphemism. That is a brutal. The girl's on her period, and your two options are the red line or the brown line. You'd imagine, yeah, like you're going on a brown line with your cock on her gooch. I would be embarrassed to tell somebody that I'm going on the brown line to come meet you. If she's on the red line, you transfer to the brown line. Yeah, you transfer to the brown line. The brown. Does it she's on the red line, you transfer to the brown line. Yeah, you transfer to the brown line.

The brown? Does it have a stigma about it? Brown line is probably the best line. Best in the city. Some guys will disagree. Oh, I'm sure. But brown line probably then goes blue line. Kind of want to avoid red line, but you can't.

So that's the bad one. Probably not the worst, though. I don't really go on orange line or green orange line oh yeah there's a yellow line with like two stops only man the purple line is the express the brown line that's probably the best one to be honest yeah i've never encountered quicksand does quicksand even actually exist i thought i read something that it's kind of like yeah i was saying dude perfect uh recreated it and did uh half court shot competition in it really hello david hello everybody but i don't know i think i don't know it's probably only in a few places yeah i remember i learned about it through the movie jumanji they got a great quicksand scene.

There's this dude. Indiana Jones, too. There's a GeoGuessr guy, GeoWizard. The best. Fucking awesome YouTube channel. He does these things called straight line challenges where he'll walk across a small country in a perfectly straight line. He'll walk across Wales.

Wales, incredible. He encountered quicksand, or at least like a bog. I don't know if he qualified as exactly quicksand, but he almost got caught up in it. And the funniest thing was like he could have just walked around it. Straight line challenge. He had to go right through it. And he almost got sucked in. Yeah, but it was more of a bog.

I don't know if it qualified as quicksand. That guy rules, though. Geo wizard. He's the best. Has quicksand ever killed? Definitely. Really? How long has it taken him? I don't know, man. I just said that, and I have no idea. is quicksand that guy rules though geo wizard the best has quicksand ever killed definitely really how long i don't know man i just said that and i have no idea is it is quicksand like an actual thing or is it just like a tv cartoon thing like i know it exists but is it is a threat to

life um probably in some places how close are we to natural quicksand right this second oh we gotta be a thousand miles i guess miles. Arizona has it, I was seeing. That seems like something that would... Of course I need sand. Oh, shit, it's in Davenport, Iowa. Oh, shit. People and animals can get stuck in it, but they don't get stuck down to the bottom.

They float on the surface. Our legs are pretty dense, so they may... You have to really fuck up dramatically hard to be in quicksand long enough to sink. Here it says a dramatically hard to be in quicksand long enough to sink. Here it says a Texas man was killed by quicksand on the San Antonio River last year. Damn. Wow.

That seems like something you would see on the Citizen app, like two men fighting in quicksand. Yeah. What's up, Dave? Hey, Dave. Hi, Dave. Hello, everybody. You ready to fucking brawl? You ready to fucking fight?

Sure. Who are we fighting? What's up, Dave, you piece of shit? What's up? There we go. I'm just trying to fuck him up. I'm trying to get him into a lather. We're getting him into a lather here.

You went to a game last night, right? We did. We did. Me, Chuck Naso, a couple friends of mine. What game? Illinois versus Northwestern at- Were you the one that started the chants? I wasn't, no.

What's your take on it as a college basketball guy people are bitching at me like it like i had anything to do with it on the chance yeah i mean it's unavoidable yeah kids right no i wasn't fucking in the student section wait what happened i'm sorry okay so there's a player that was a sexual assault yes and he filed an injunction or something with the courts allowing him to play so it's like out of the university and northwestern fans chanted no means no means no yeah and that's that's gonna happen it's gonna happen the duration of his college career probably into the nba should he get drafted i don't think it'll happen i don't think it'll happen nba and then who was pissed about it him or just other people no the ill Illinois fan base is coming at me like I, one, represent the university.

I'm just a fan of it. So it's definitely just one guy tweeted at you, right? No, a handful. The Illinois basketball program didn't seem to have a problem at all. Brad Underwood was like, it's life on the road. Who cares? I didn't see what Underwood said, but fans are coming at me like, what? What are we talking about here?

If you expected anything different than you're the idiot like sorry i was upset that you didn't kick the one u of i student in the northwestern subsection out he was there he was front row causing problems next time good game though that was you get the win second yeah second i i might be on an upswing of sports fortune right now. Second time, one of my teams I've been in attendance for, they've beaten a top ten team. Northwestern basketball has you on the upswing? It's sad.

That's a sad state of affairs, isn't it? I don't think that's an actual upswing. I mean, they're borderline ranked. Top ten? You were in attendance for a top ten win. Just enjoy that. Yeah, and a one win. It'll never get better.

Probably not. You were there for the Purdue game? game yeah well were you there for chicago state i was at the barstool river north and i wanted to fucking burn that place down after that game i saw a tiktok like chicago state scheduled a school that is just a building in chicago when i was in college chicago state it's a division I team, obviously. I've got to show you this school. We played them, my shitbox Division III team. We were like 14 and 30 my freshman year.

We played Chicago State and slaughtered them in baseball. That's how bad they were, and we were horrible at the Division III level. Where in Chicago State? Southside. They played this team. Southside. Look at that logo. What is that?

Sure. so let's go over east west university as you can see they don't have an acceptance rate listed which means that it's 100 simultaneously they have a graduation rate of six percent that is abysmal this is just a ponzi scheme of a university they're charging 16k for six percent graduation rate whatever though hilariously enough as well they're on one acre of land meaning the building behind me is the entire campus of East West University. Athletically, I have no idea what's going on because on their athletics page, they only list the basketball team. But simultaneously, I keep seeing ads for the women's volleyball team and for the cheer team. So God knows how many teams the school has. But I would say basketball is their primary sport.

Prancing Phantoms is a good logo. I decided to check out the basketball team. And as you can see, they only have seven players. But I don't even know if these are the players from this year, considering the fact that the page hasn't been edited since August 17, 2022. I tried to see if they had a roster. No roster listed. So I tried to view their schedule.

There's a view schedule tab right there. Well, when I pressed the view schedule tab, it popped up to the schedule from 2019 to 2020 meaning this was the schedule before covid we have no idea what the record of this team is we have basically no information about them and we don't know who plays for them yeah someone should go research that south harmon institute of technology yeah east west that's that's an interesting name, yeah. Middle. Yeah.

Mid-U. Or here, right? Yeah, here. Yeah, here. Somebody else played. I think it was Grambling played. That was the one that went crazy in women's basketball, played like a small Baptist college.

They beat the shit out of someone. It was 118 to 14, and they couldn't throw the ball near the basket. McNeese State men beat Mississippi University for women this year, which was a men's team. I need you to explain that to me. Okay. All right. Wait, what?

Yeah, so like the scorebox says McNeese State 1,000, Mississippi University for women 12, and it was 1,000, Mississippi University for Women 12. Mississippi University. And it was like, that's. Mississippi University for Women is in Columbus, terrible town. It used to be just, it was where women went to be with other women. And then in like the 90s, they started accepting men. So they started a men's team.

So they were still called Mississippi University for Women. They could have easily just said, that's not our name anymore. They just recently, like three weeks ago, changed the name of their school to Brightwell University. They're Mississippi Brightwell University. So they just changed it. This is, what, January? Yeah, this was recently.

Imagine coming off the bench for yes two days ago yeah no there were people that would there were people from my hometown that could go play for mississippi university for women but they didn't because it was the mississippi university for women um but that's brutal merch to be wearing around town yeah it's so there's dudes wearing jerseys that say mississippi yeah for what so they changed they changed a couple times first they just went by muw and they were and then they just called themselves the w and that's that's okay they're the women that happened in the 90s where they just went by the w and the shirts was a the w and and they were trying to get away from it there now they i think they've just gotten away from it entirely. But, yes, it was a place that used to be just for women.

Good logo, by the way. You said it was for lesbians? Well, back there was a significant portion back then. I dated a girl at the W. And I don't know if it was pre or post. But she, yeah, it was all right. Wait, no, no, no. You got to elaborate on that.

Did you make her a lesbian? No, pre or post. I don't know. I don't know. But, yeah, she was – I knew a lot of girls that went there. My hometown is 20 miles away. What did you guys do? Hunt?

Hunt. The W turned away by Gorlox. This is the most ridiculous thing in the world. There is a men's basketball team called Mississippi University for Women? I didn't go there. They started accepting men so they could make money, and they just never changed the name of the university. You know what?

Call up your ex-girlfriend. We need to ask her. No. Is she a lesbian, though? No, she's not. Oh, okay. Not exclusively. So, yeah, that's it they

started accepting men like in the 90s they just never got around to changing the name of the team i don't know you get into college and you need a scholarship to play basketball and they offer you one you take it i think it's i mean the w i think it's kind of cool also you're you are you're our man on campus with 2,000 women. You're like probably. Yeah, you're the man. You're the star for the women. There's probably like 50 of you and 2,000 of them. That'd be worth it.

There's a lot of them, but I mean, you know, if half of them are lesbians and half of them are not, that's still 1,000 women. Yeah, on the recruiting trips. It's a weird town. The whole first day is about the ratio. It's a weird town because there was a school, Mississippi University for Women.

That's mean. That one you just showed, that school, Mississippi University for Women. That's mean. That one you just showed, that's mean. What's mean? That's mean. I don't want to click on this subreddit. But that's not the same. This is a sexy mascot. That's not the same school.

This is the Webster Gorlock. That's not the same school. Oh, okay. That's an elite roller derby. What's a Gorlock? I don't know. It should have gone with like Warlock. Gorlock.

So there's a women's university, don't know. It should have gone with like Warlock. Gorlock. So there's a women's university and then there's an air base for pilots. Isn't Gorlock that influencer? Gorlock Destroyer of Worlds? Oh, shit. Let's call that in jest, right? Dude, that's awesome, TJ. They just made this up

themselves. The Cheetah Buffalo St. Bernard. Oh, that's sweet. They're near Gore and Lockwood Avenue. Cheetah Buffalo St. Bernard. Okay. Oh, that's sweet. They're near Gore and Lockwood Avenue. Cheetah Buffaloes. What the hell does this mean? Hall of Fame. Gotama the Llama. Dude, this is fucking me up, dude.

This is... What is that? What is any of this? I'm playing this. What is this? What is any of this? This is real? This is a different school.

You're not on me anymore. This is a school they play. This is West Virginia University. Oh, I missed it. That's... What division is that? That that's d3 it's a really good third they got a really good they're a good athletic program yeah they're a good athletic program for d3 i mean gorlox is a terrific that's a sweet name yeah you're never gonna get away with that on the on the d1 and everything behind it it's got it's cooletah, buffalo, and St. Bernard. How did they come up with those three, though?

Did they just do a wheel? They probably did a wheel. Maybe. All right. Are you respected in the farming community in Mississippi? I feel like i am yeah i have uh i have acreage uh do you have crops no we used to be it used to be a worm farm like that's that y'all know that um but we have we have we have 200 acres down there you couldn't carry a 30 pound seed bag from the drive shed to the grain mill. I could, too. Yeah, I had to do it often. You couldn't.

I farted in a silo before. You couldn't stack hay bales higher than your hip bone. Yes, I could. I've thrown hay all the time. No, you couldn't. You're right. I'm not cut out for it. I did it growing up, but I'm not cut out for it.

But we have neighbors that were in the farming. We didn't do farming so much. We used our acreage for, like, hunting and fishing and stuff like that. for it but we have neighbors that were in the farming we we didn't do farming so much we we did we use our acreage for like hunting and fishing and stuff like that did you have a farmer's daughter situation in your area like like a like a nearby farmer had the hottest yeah the hot daughter no there weren't a whole lot of hot women in my town growing up we had to we had to go to starkville for them at the university. They were all over there. And they wouldn't really talk to me. Would you call that going abroad?

I wouldn't, but looking back, I'll say it now. The next time I talk to somebody in my family, I will steal that joke and tell them, remember when we used to go abroad? That'll be funny and everybody will laugh. I've seen your acreage. You've been on my acreage. I've seen your land.

You rode my four-wheeler with me. We had a good time. It reminded me of True Detective Season 1. Why? your acreage. I've seen your acreage. I've seen your land. Oh, yeah? You rode my four-wheeler with me. Yeah. We had a good time. It reminded me of True Detective Season 1. Why? Just sort of a forgotten land that... You enjoyed it. Don't do this. No, I enjoyed it. I just looked like it. It's just like the South. You said everything you said

was complimentary. You were like, oh, I can't believe how good-looking the women are down here. You said all these things. I don't believe I said that, but it was. I liked it. Here's what you how good looking the women are down here you said all these things i don't believe i said that but it was i liked it here's what you said i'll tell you exactly what you said you ready yeah we were in starkville and you said i can't believe how many fat guys get hot women down here that was a carpet statement for the south but you did reinforce that stereotype so yes i'll give you that i. Yeah. Well, you know you said it. You can agree with yourself. I did.

Yes. Yeah. Fair. We had a good time. We should go back. I would go back. I did. Should I come?

Yeah, dude. I would fucking, yeah. I mean, it's not, I guess. Why are you saying yes? I don't know why. Thanks, Rude. I want to go bale hay on his worm farm. Oh, come on.

Fuck, Dave. We'll go. We'll do hay. Yeah. I didn't do hay. We don't do hay on my worm farm. Serious come on. Fuck, Dave. We'll go. You didn't do hay. Yeah, let's do it. I didn't do hay. We don't do hay on my worm farm. Serious question. What was the purpose of the worms?

Were they used? You sell them. You sell them for fish bait. Okay. You sell them for fish bait. Okay. Because that's a big industry down there. So we had a rabbit farm and a worm farm.

We had rabbits in cages. They're in wire cages. They shit, and it goes into the dirt. Yeah, into the dirt, and it just absolutely fertilizes the worms. And then you put the worms into styrofoam cups, cover them up, sell them for a dollar. And that is a business. And that was back in the 80s. I respect that a lot. Yeah, fuck yeah.

That was back in the 80s. I would lead with rabbit farm instead of worm farm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the worm farm lasted longer than the rabbit farm. I think the rabbits either got sold or died out, and then the worm farm persisted for a while, and it lasted a little bit longer into my youth than the rabbits did. The rabbits I can only remember until I was like four,

and the worms I can remember until like seven. Did you used to eat a lot of rabbits? I've never eaten rabbit. What about worms? I've never eaten worms. Well, I've never eaten worms for dinner. Donnie, have you eaten rabbit? Yeah, I've had rabbit.

Rabbit's supposed to be good, isn't it? Yeah, it's not bad. Apparently you can get protein poisoning if you're stranded in the wild and only eat rabbits. That's what they said about that. Promiscuously high in protein. Into the wild guy. Yeah. Prote they have emil hirsch they said they have no healthy yeah they have like no fat which doesn't seem believable because they're so plump no they don't have fat they do not have fat the deer and rabbits i think have no fat kangaroos as well really they're no fat yeah

it's one of the leanest but like i was told it's the leanest healthiest meat you can eat wow i had wallaby once not good that's god i mean a wallaby pretty much is a kangaroo yeah not good remarkably tough maybe they don't have fat either yeah deer a little fat you can only cook a certain way because it just has no fat it's all it's all lean meat i would like to see you tear meats. Tear meats? Wild duck breast is up there. It's fantastic. I love duck. It's fantastic. Way better than any duck I've had at a restaurant.

Does a mallard taste different than another duck? I think I only ate mallards there, and mallards were incredible. The female ducks are a lot more fattier from what I understand. Yeah. Like those breasts. Yeah. But, yeah, I think me and you, KB, have similar tastes in meats. I love duck.

I love pork belly. Yeah. But everyone does, but I love it more. Okay. You know what? Pork belly hasn't been fully embraced in the U.S., though. What is that first one there? Go to the grocery store.

Yeah, that's problematic. I don't know if we need to. Imagine enjoying a nice plate of ass pick on the brown line. Ass pick? I don't know what that is. Is there an animal that hasn't never been eaten? I know there's probably tons of tiny little bull animals. No, I think every animal's been eaten.

Do you think? There's probably fish in the ocean that haven't been eaten. Certainly there's fish in the ocean that have not been eaten. The Irukandji jellyfish. A meat jelly? The Kandiru fish. Sidney Wells' dad, I think, has probably eaten every meat on Earth. Probably.

He speared a hippo and gave all the hippo meat to the local village in Africa where he speared it, but also tried some himself. I think he's probably tried lion meat. Oh, he has. He has. White tiger. Has he tried? I'm asking.

We had mountain lion down there one time. It was fucking incredible. It was so good. Really? I never even thought about eating a lion. Mountain Lion, yeah. A lion burger or what? Just little popper balls.

Lion balls? Yeah. You had lion poppers? Little lion poppers. Dude, lion meat was like lion on your ass. Lion curds. Taking poppers. That would be mad embarrassing.

Mountain Lion, yeah. Once the herd finds out that you got turned into a popper, that would fucking bore them. You can't go out like that. I went to Eastern Illinois, and every around Thanksgiving, they'd have a turkey testicle festival. Okay. Eastern Illinois, that's some freak shit.

That's some weird shit. I've eaten cow nuts. No disrespect. Home of Jimmy Garoppolo and Tony Romo. That feels like something they came up with a name and then worked backwards. Yes. Testicle festival.

We've got to put something in front of it. Housecat would probably be gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should ask Azalea Banks. Was there a rumor she ate her cat? She, one of the all-time greatest posters of all time, first of all. Oh, yeah. She ate up a lot of artists.

She went on Instagram one time, and she a dead cat And she decided to boil it I didn't know that Who's this? Yeah that KB That must change your interpretation I like her She's ridiculous Yeah

Your rendition of Lizzo Her rant is one of my favorites I also know the lyrics to 212 But I can't quite pull it off Bitch I'm in the 212. That's the only part I know. She called Izzy Azalea Igloo Australia. That was funny.

Who's your favorite black musician? Right now? Yeah. By in time. So alive and alive and like making music um that's shot clock's going down but you're still still got the ball it's time to start okay um name your least favorite take it to the rack i hate hate hate lizzo i think her music is cringe. I think she has some salt. Her music is good.

It's so fucking bad. You could have gone with the cat boiler. Azalea Banks. She's great music. Alright, so we'll forfeit that one. First question. I think I'm going to go see Black Pumas this weekend. So that was like at the forefront of my brain. I couldn't think of someone else off the top of my head like

that um i don't know bia is good i like her as a kind of a black female musician what's black pumas like it's ben they won a bunch of oscar or oscars grammys um two years ago they're like blues rock donnie you would really like them. Are they playing this weekend? Yeah, at Salt Shed. Tonight through Sunday, I believe. They're huge. They're a big, big deal. You got your weekend coming up for you.

I'm there. Apparently, seagulls are one of the worst tasting animals. Really? It was sea urchin you told me, right? I told you what about the worst tasting animal was that what or starfish starfish that's what it was yeah you're not supposed to yeah i found a place in china selling it on a stick i saw the video it was yeah i think that might be the worst animal i've had i'll tell you starfish looks delicious it does it really looks

like it should be a good animal to eat, but it's not. That's interesting. He says it's the worst, and he's eating some fucked up shit. You think? I think it looks. It'd be a good appetizer. I think it looks appetizing. Everybody picks their one leg.

It doesn't look like it would be the nastiest thing of all time to eat. It's a perfect shareable. Doesn't that look like we could cook that up and eat it? It looks hard, though. No, that doesn't look good. That does not look appetizing. I don't think it looks like a toy. That bad?

If we put a lobster up there, if you look at a lobster, it's a sea bug. I mean, but that just, starfish just look like fuck up. It looks like strawberry good. It doesn't look good to me. It just looks like a fuck up. It looks like, this one looks like a gummy. Yeah. That like Trolley would make.

They probably do make this. Next to theour Skitty. I mean, we wouldn't eat it raw. How good are starfish's lives? Do they lead good lives? Are they under constant threat of attack? What's a starfish's life like? I don't know. I don't know if they think. Do they think? Well, octopuses think, don't they? They're smart.

They're big thinking. That's my least favorite animal. But the thing about that. The octopus? Why that that's crazy why i just think you would think that starfish also think and why would you think that because they're all they're both animals in the sea okay so they both have more than two arms correct similarities abound with octopuses and star um so i'm gonna go to go no, they don't. They don't really... They have no brain or blood. Exclamation mark.

So how are they a thing? I have a phobia of octopi. Wait, wait. Octopuses are fucked up, man. Wait, they're not from Earth. They're aliens. Yeah, I'm very convinced they're from outer space. TJ is...

Agreed, TJ. They can change textures. That's not fair. They can change textures. That's not fair. They can problem solve. They're wildly smart. They can fit inside of a water bottle or turn into rock. That's not what animals do. Did SpongeBob do that on purpose, that they made the starfish stupid and the squid very smart?

Yes, probably. Yeah, because it was made by a marine biologist or something. Oh, George Costanza. Yeah. Wow. Well, yeah. George Costanza. Yeah. Wow. Well, there you go. I was at dinner the other night with my wife, and beside me, it was very packed, and we were at a two-person table. Beside us was another two-person table, and it was a first date.

They were going through, you know, how many brothers and sisters you have, and we could hear them. He got the filet and a salad. Her entire meal was a big octopus. No. No. On our first date, she got octopus. And my wife, after they got up, she said, isn't that weird? She got octopus on our first date?

And I thought it was too. You can't. What does that look like on a plate? It looked like an octopus on a plate. Eight legs. Yeah. It looked like an octopus on a plate. Eight legs. Yeah, it looked like an octopus. And it was obviously cooked, but she took it down.

Octopus is good. That would probably turn on some guys. Well, she's not sucking the octopus as the suckers, right? Yeah, but isn't there like – Tentacle porn is like a huge thing. Really? I didn't – I guess everything porn is huge.

Pull me twice. What is it? I don't understand why that's such a weird move. You're on a first date. She got it. It's the first meal he will ever see her eat, and she ate a big, fat octopus. I'm with Dave on this, but we're in the minority, Dave. People are weird about food on dates.

I think you just, I mean, garlic is crazy. You just do you? I just go in. If she acknowledged like, hey, this is kind of goofy and weird, and I'm going to do this, and this will be maybe funny to look at. But if she just ordered it without saying anything, I think that's weird. Yeah. You can't be slurping up a tentacle on the first date going in.

You got to really talk about it. Yeah. Oh, you're ordering an octopus. I got to try this. At some point, he might be like, octopus, really? And does she have an answer for that i personally wouldn't give a shit i'm not saying give a shit i'm saying it's an interesting move sure it is that's true but you can't it's not something that's like you couldn't make up for it later in the date i don't i don't think there anything on the first date a girl could do to make you i went on one she i ordered first the wage where

this is a long time it's like 12 years ago i was younger and that makes sense we it was it was have you ever seen half baked where he's like counting down the money as in his bank account i was doing that yeah and um you can keep showing my shoes go ahead um she didn't order anything. That fucking annoyed me. I was eating a burger. She didn't order anything. She just watched me. I'm like, this is the most awkward thing I've ever done in my entire life. Yeah, that's weird too.

Did she order a drink? Yeah, there was a side salad. A side salad is what she got. Well, that's enough. She ordered a salad. That's not nothing. So she did order something. She ate that. I got my burger after she got. Well, that's enough. She ordered a salad. That's not nothing. So she did order something. She ate that.

I got my burger after she got that. So I was eating while she had nothing in front of her. She got it as like an appetizer. And it didn't work out? No, clearly. Listen, you gotta order more food than that if you want to be with me. Maybe it was a test of you. Women who watch

their figure, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Indulge. Fucking eat the octopus, bitch. Yeah. Yeah. KB, can you read the High Noon ad? Sip on summer flavors in the middle of winter,

introducing the all-new High Noon Snowbird Pack, featuring the perfect mix of winter and summer flavors. The eight-pack includes two new flavors, raspberry and plum, alongside the High Noon Classics peach and lemon, all made with real vodka and real juice. The snowbird pack is a winter exclusive, so get it before ice melts. Track down the pack nearest you at highnoonspirits.com. TJ, what's going on back there?

Why are you all laughing so hard? It looks like Dave's shoes might have got a little bigger. Oh. Oh, there you go. I knew they were growing. They're growing. He looks like a homie. That is good.

I don't even look. It's like a male Brad style. Yeah. TJ, this is the hardest I've ever heard TJ laugh. That's funny as hell. Yeah, that's pretty good. I don't have the best angle, so I can't see the transition from my shoes to my legs very well. It's pretty seamless.

But it looks pretty fucking seamless. It is seamless. It almost makes you wonder if there's even any editing going yeah it does i was i saw them i'm like that can't be real i really hope it's not real it might be real i might look like sideshow bob yeah yeah um what's on your other list today, Stephen? Have you ever known someone who was a swinger? All right. No.

I know someone who's a swinger right now. Oh. I actually may be having him in here. You know him. You've met him. Oh. I don't want to throw him out in case he doesn't want to talk about that live, but I do have a buddy who's a swinger.

Him and his wife are. Okay. My question about swingers, swinger couples. Is it something that's talked about before you become a couple? Do you get married and the wife is like, I've always thought about this, and the husband reluctantly goes along with it? How do you get there? I have not the slightest clue.

I know that I couldn't be a part of that world in any way, shape, or form personally. But I have a buddy who is one, and they're happily married and seemingly great so to each room so that life um weekly by week i i have no clue and what is it parties i think sex parties yeah internet based scheduled events perhaps a lot of craigslist action maybe i don't know i don't know the innards of it craigslist maybe yeah craigslist that's like the lowest tier you can't go to a craigslist i don't know maybe it's like there's gonna be a lot of a lot of syringes at that party craigs there's like a running joke isn't it where like if people get approached and they're like oh me and my my husband saw you over there and we love your vibe i've seen that joke a lot it's upside

down pineapple that's a word line they use a lot if you if you hold an upside down pineapple i don't know if that's you can wear like a pin to put in bay but yeah or if you have no that's like a universal thing there it's just like yeah if you're very open about it you're going to put in bay you're assumed to be a swinger i uh you're in the minority if you're not i have a pair i have a pair of absolutely brutal jeans that have a huge pineapple right here and i should have been wearing them because they're ugly as fuck but then i had to stop wearing them just because of the swinger allegation i would welcome any did you invites, did you get solicited? No, it's just like people at work were just making jokes about it.

But were those designed for swingers? No, because it's not upside down. Well, it could be. For my POV, yes. Yeah. Right. So you're telling yourself you're a swinger. I'm swinging on myself.

I did get invited once to a sex party in New York. Yeah. Quick no. once to a sex party um in new york yeah quick no yeah quick no meaning the invitation you said no or a quick no you walked in said nope not for me said no at the invitation okay like we're gonna like chill and like go over sex toys or we're gonna have sex i don't know i think you just go and do this place no no what he's saying is how was the invite posed to you? The invite was posed to me. She said, oh, I've been to this sort of like sex party thing.

If you want to come with me, I'd love to have you. And him and Hod for a minute because I didn't want to look like a pussy. Yeah, of course. And then. You don't want her to have a low opinion of you. Yeah, but then I just realized I wouldn't be able to do it. And I don't like the idea of not knowing who's in there. Yeah, you need like an RSVP list.

It's like a scrap bag. Yeah, you walk in and it's a bunch of 300 pounders. No, thank you. Yeah, you ask, like, who's all there? You have this image in your head, like, right off the bat. You're like, I'm about to hook up with like 10 smoking hot chicks. And you walk in, it's more than likely not the case. And then I think I would just be really awkward.

Like, I would feel the need to make small talk, and they probably wouldn't. Do you? I don't know. I would be instant no. I couldn't do it. You would be hilarious. I would be an instant no, though.

I would be no. I couldn't do it. Yeah. Is anybody at least trying to get in the door to see? Anybody? Yeah, I'd watch. You're getting in the door? See what it's's all about you don't want to be the guy who busts first either and i feel like that would be me you and then you're just sitting there as everyone else is yeah because if you're at a sex party you've probably been to a thousand parties and you probably know your way

around yeah isn't that the best way to make an Irish exit at a sex party? Just go ahead and bust and leave? But I was thinking it's almost funnier, like, if you, as you bust, it's like a game of dodgeball. Like, you go and sit in, like, a line. Sit in a corner. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yep, I'm out. You have to wait until someone catches the nut for you to come back in. Well, I'm out, yep. Someone has to. We said no face shots. Yeah. Yep, I have, fuck, I don't know, but people do it for yeah fuck I don't know but people do it for sure

oh they do it you would come that quick you're basically fucking in front of a live audience for the first time there was a part of me too that would be I was worried that I wouldn't be able to perform from the nerves yeah that's I think that's where I'd be yeah

yeah and your other question here what is the coolest sports trick I think that's where I'd be. Yeah. The big lights. Yeah. Yeah. And your other question here, what is the coolest sports trick, like spinning a ball on your finger, you can do? Steven, that's what you put as number three question here. That's a good question. See what the first question did? Yeah, I did.

I did. Now, I've skipped some questions, to be honest. I am cherry-picking questions here. Okay. I feel like we've talked about your first. Here's the question. What is the coolest sports thing? What is the coolest sports trick, like spinning a ball on your finger, you can do?

Swallow a racquetball. What? Swallow a racquetball. I heard it, but you can swallow a racquetball. That would be the coolest to me. Oh, I see. Oh. You're not saying that's the coolest thing you can do. You think that would be... The thing I can do, I can drop a baseball,

do one of these and catch it. Oh, you can drop it from here and catch it down here? Spin around it, catch it as it falls. Okay, alright. We can get a wiffle ball if you'd like. But that's not that. That's okay. No. That's pretty good.

Dave, I'm sure you have tricks. I can throw a fucking heart of shit. I don't know if that's necessarily a trick, though. That's just me having a God-gifted cannon of an arm. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Wait, say that with the big shoes. Threaten to kick our ass.

Thank you for the... Say it in your hands. He's got the enhanced sticker. You could throw a baseball fast? I could. What's your coolest trick? I can't spin a basketball. I don't think I got any. Dave, what's your coolest trick?

I don't think I got any tricks. What's your best skill in sports? It was always my arm. But that's not... How would you describe your arm? Tell him how fast it sports? It was always my arm. But that's not great. How would you describe your arm? Tell them how fast it is. It was legendary. 91.

Pull it up. Zah. So you can throw it. Would you describe it as fast? Yeah. High velocity. Yeah. God damn.

I was picturing Dave at a party. He's like, you guys want to see a magic trick? I was picturing Dave like like at a party so I was like you guys want to see a magic trick and he just he just throws a baseball immensely fast hard as fuck at a tree yeah

showing off a good arm if you have a good arm you're showing it off but where can you do that in what situation I've done it here regularly here yes but if you're like an apartment

inside an apartment yes one of Dave's fantasies is walking on the beach, and two high school boys are throwing the ball back and forth, and one overthrows it, and it lands at Dave's feet. And the guy's like, toss it back to me, and he's like, no, brother. No, no, no. I'm tossing it to your friend.

Yeah, that's exactly – that scenario is happening a thousand times out of a thousand. That kid that's two inches from me is not getting that pass is being thrown. I told you. When Dave goes to the beach, this is going through his head. He's like, all right, so if the ball comes to me, I'm going to – do I say no, sir? None of you guys have good arms, so none of you guys know where I'm coming from. Especially if that's the only skill you have on earth. We understand what having a good arm is.

I don't have any skill, like, cool tricks. I don't have any. I was trying to think of something good that I do athletically. What you just said was, like, we couldn't fathom what you're talking about. We couldn't put ourselves in your shoes. We got it. We understand. To know what that would feel like.

You can't. Yeah. Yeah, walk a mile. I'd never be able to fit in those shoes. Continue. Go ahead. I couldn't. I couldn't spend a second in them shoes.

I know. You'd get lost. Yeah. You'd never fill them. Zoom in. This is my favorite thing in the world. You can make it bigger than that. No, that's the perfect size can make it bigger than that.

No, that's the perfect size, how it was. Yeah. They'll start talking shit and getting defensive. Can you just scream, my shoes aren't that big. Dave, are you frozen? No, I'm watching this. I'm watching the size up right here. No, that's the real one. The last one was fake.

Oh. Have you been in a fight, Dave? Yeah, I've been in a few. Have you? Yeah, I'd say two that were like actual fights i've been in full fights full-on fledged fights too what's your record two no oh two no not even like one oh and one or not two and just straight two and i imagine getting kicked by those things going undefeated i've been jumped undefeated yeah i don't jumped. Undefeated.

Like someone jumped over you? I got jumped after a White Sox game like four years ago. And you won? No, that was like multiple people on top of my ass. Someone jumped over him at a tailgate. You just fucking jumped me, dude? That would be so fucking neat.

They had to get jumped. I'm surprised I haven't yet. Two minutes before that. I actually may have. Two minutes before that, I was with my two Purdue wrestling buddies, and they hopped in their Uber. Yeah, it would have been a little different. Through the sunroof?

Oh. Mm-hmm. It was like a full leap over. Yeah, he hopped in. Dude, that would be the – He didn't open the door, yeah. I got fucking jumped. I was just standing there.

That would cause a man to swing instantaneously. That would be worse than getting attacked brutally. If someone in public jumped you, jumped over your vertical body. It's leapfrogging you while you're standing. Emasculating, for sure. That's my new fear. Getting jumped. Oh, that would be fucking terrible.

So you did get jumped, and what happened? I don't know. I had a fucking swollen-ass face for like a week. And you're claiming a win in this fight. What did you do? I didn't have a chance to throw a punch back. That wasn't a fight. That was just I got my ass kicked.

Two, one, and oh. Can you share why you got jumped? That seems like a good question. They didn't like that I'm not from the south side, and they took exception to my fandom. Oh, that's corny. Yeah, it was bad. It was stupid.

It was very stupid. And the one you won? Won in college. the one you won? Won in college. The two you won? They confronted you and called your fandom into question? Yeah, well. That seems fucked up to do that to somebody. This was the night of the 999 challenge.

Oh. I remember that. Yeah, you remember that a few years ago. I was at one of the bars, one of the three bars right in the Sox neighborhood. I'm leaving. I'm cutting through. There's a park that separates the bar district and the stadium. I'm cutting through the park, and, like, five guys surrounded me.

They had gotten my phone number, like, 30 minutes before that, though, and they were texting me. They're like, I'm coming to beat the shit out of you. I don't know where they got my phone number. I'm like, here I am, man. Like, come and get me. Ha-ha. I didn't think they were going to fucking do anything.

I'm walking. Wait, how many hauls? Five, I am, man. Come and get me. Ha ha. I didn't think they were going to fucking do anything. I'm walking. Wait, how many hauls? Five, I think. It was five guys, but only two were on top, like, pounding me. Pause. Go ahead. Yeah, only two were on top pounding me. Clip it.

He already did, I think. I know. All right, so you got pounded by two guys then. Yeah, and that was it. Got separated. Is it awkward? I always feel like the end, I would love to see the end of a fight. Is it awkward?

They're like, all right, see ya. They got pulled off. Like people were coming to my aid and shit. They got pulled off while they were pounding you? Yeah. By random people. People were coming. Yeah, and then they took off.

The firefighters came with the jaws of life. I would love to see Brandon just getting fucking nailed down one time. Just way too much. You want to see me get pounded by two guys? Yeah. Yeah, me too. Yeah, you do. I'm one to know.

I've discussed this on the show many times. We know your win. Explain your win and what do you explain your win in college one of the our starting safety um he was hitting on my buddy's girlfriend i didn't like it and i'm protective and i so i told him like get the fuck out of here like don't you're not no this ain't happening back that was at a party fast forward back to the dorms i'm laying on a futon and it's like one in the morning and two of my buddies are on the bunk beds i'm on the futon he comes in he's like what the fuck did you think was actually gonna happen i'm like what do you what he's like if i would

actually pulled her what do you think would have happened i'm like actually no what would happen i would beat the shit out of you wait wait wait the guy who flirted with your friend's girlfriend walked into your dorm yeah what was what did your friend do when he was flirting with his girlfriend? He didn't see it. So he was made apprised of the situation after the fact and everything, but he wasn't there for the exact situation. Fast forward, he's not even in the dorm room yet. My buddy, who I don't know what happened to him that night,

he wasn't even a part of the story really. However, this kid comes back to the dorm room. I'm laying on the futon. He sizes me he goes what would you have done i'm like honestly i probably would have just beat the shit out of you and i was i was in one of those moods where i'm like i don't feel like fucking doing this man were you still laying in the futon i was laying in the futon and i got up and he he does one of these he's like come on come and do something man and wait what is that like what's smacking my face yeah oh my god yeah that's that's an invitation of fucking brawl he started smacking around your not harder or

anything just like come on come on start smacking your cheek that's worse than being hurtled so i go okay got his cheeks so i go okay and i just give him a little punch right here and he goes and then he tries to one-two me. He's swinging flailing all over me. There's a microwave on the ground. We just left it on the ground to use it. I tabletop over it. Crack then?

I tabletop over the microwave. What does tabletop mean? Like I fell. Have you ever been tabletopped? You got tripped on the microwave? Yes, I got tripped on the microwave. Mid-fight? Mid-fight. He gets on top of me I roll him over yeah go ahead yep and I just start pounding his face in with my fist to the point where the eyes rolled back

no I rolled I got him I flipped it you pounded him so hard his eyes rolled back. Yes. Wow. Pounded him so hard. All because he clapped his head. All because he. And it got to the point where I'm pounding him so hard, so fucking hard, that is, like I said, his eyes rolled back. There's blood everywhere. I just keep going. My buddies tackle me off him because they thought that I was actually going to kill him.

He couldn't play football for the next week because his face was so swollen it wouldn't fit in his face mask let's go yeah so what was your when you told your friend i need this recreated in animation i it's funny because you guys had those two random guys in the yak like uh yeah the roll up guys yeah the kid that my buddy is like best friends with one of those kids randomly i did not know that yeah but the guy who was buddy barstool barstool no no Yeah. The kid that my buddy is like best friends with one of those kids, randomly. I did not know that. Yeah. But the guy who was. Which buddy?

Barstool, Barstool. No, no, no. Which buddy? The original buddy with the girlfriend? Yes, the original buddy with the girlfriend. Okay. Best friends with one of those kids. So he texts me. He's like, hey.

Not the guy who pounded you. No, not that guy. Okay. Wait, the guy who pounded him? Dave did the pounding. I did the pounding. No, there was a guy that pounded him first, right? He clapped his cheeks.

No, he was. No, he was. He was just. He was just. He was just. He was just. He was just. He was just. Taunting with his cheeks. Yeah, he was taunting me. Dave got his cheeks cl was a guy that pounded him first, right? He clapped his cheeks. No, he was just taunting me. Dave got his cheeks clapped, then he pounded him. I got my cheeks clapped. Flipped them over and then pounded them.

Flipped me, pounded me into submission for, like, at least 30 seconds. And I was just taking it. And there was a microwave. Yeah, the microwave tabletop me on the floor. I got in a fight because of a microwave, actually. Microwaves are hilarious. You mentioned it. At my high school senior prom, I won a microwave.

You had a raffle? Yeah, we had a raffle at prom. That's an incredible gift. You won a microwave at prom? I won a microwave. I was going to college. You need to bring a microwave. Why did you have a raffle at your prom?

But I was like, all right, I'm not going to take this microwave with me, like leaving prom or going to drink at a friend's place. I'll come back and get it later. I come back. They're like, oh, someone else came back and picked up the microwave. I was like, okay, that's fucked up. And then my buddy is having a house party. I'm there.

I see the microwave there. And I'm like, holy shit, that's my microwave. So I take it out of his house. I put it in the back of my car. I go back in, and all of a sudden he's like, where's the microwave? And I was like, I put it in my car. It's my microwave. And he was like, no, it's my fucking microwave.

And he was hammered at the time. He immediately starts trying to fight me. We end up throwing fists fists pushing back and forth and then another kid there gets involved and he just starts kicking me all willy-nilly he kicks me directly in the taint he just starts flailing his feet just trying to kick whoever's there uh he was also hammered and he kicks me in the taint and so like he kicks me directly in between my balls and my asshole i'm fighting is i'm glad i was at first i was like okay thank god he didn't get me in the nuts i feel like that's a good i'm okay kicked right that's so long that's what i thought i was like all right he didn't make contact with the

balls yeah good i get home that night. I'm taking a shower, and I look down, and my balls start – at first, I'm just like, my balls are twice the size that they normally are. And I'm like, oh, this must be like all the testosterone that's flowing through me from being in a fight. Perfectly reasonable theory. But then they keep on growing, and they start to turn purple. And I have to wake my parents up, and I'm like, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Because it was the size. My ball sack was like the size of a softball and started turning bright purple. You were getting violent bro guarded. Yeah, so I had some bleeding in the taint that then leaked into my balls. So taint, balls, cheeks. Yeah. Microwaves. Microwaves. Microwaves. So taint balls, cheeks, pound, pound, yeah. Microwaves.

Microwaves. Microwaves. Have you ever gotten in a fight not... No. No. No. No one fucks with you because of the ears? No, I can devolve pretty quickly into full-fledged pussy realm, yeah. You wouldn't need to, though.

You would snap the head off of 99% people that like at a typical bar i've seen like good wrestlers smaller guys get uh punched in the face and knocked out oh yeah of course the thing about kyle is he can't take a pounding nah not like you taiwan claxton what taiwan claxton yeah everyone knows about Tywon. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know. So I met him.

Like, you lied about that. I did, yeah. Were you lying about Tywon Claxton? I knew. There was a very brief period when I knew a handful of collegiate wrestlers. Okay. And he was the one name I remembered in kyle knows your school has some yes really good women wrestlers actually is that true like yeah yeah yeah they they had it was those two uh

what i'm sorry you you said they have them now and then you started to sound like you started to explain it there was no women wrestlers when when i was there rough and rowdy returns to providence tonight january 25th with 20 amateur matchups and boxing chaos like you have never ever seen before dave will be on the call big cat will be on the call robbie fox will be on the call ronan caleb will be there large frank the tank all will return on the call big cat will be on the call robbie fox will be on the call ron and caleb will be there large frank the tank all will return on commentary for three hours of entertainment main events include a dwarf title fight bobby lang defending his heavyweight belt against the six foot six monster vicky d versus a 39 year old angry mom and lord burns versus a backflip ninja

they also will have a live ring girl contest after the final bell. Pay-per-view is available to watch on BuyRNR.com with replay available until the following week. Come watch New England locals settle their feuds with fists and spit. It's going to be a night full of pure disrespect. Rough and Rowdy, BuyRNR.com tonight. Tonight, tonight, not Friday, tonight&R.com tonight. Tonight. Tonight. Not Friday. Tonight. Thursday night.

Tonight. I can't tell if you are actually serious about the women wrestler or not. They do. Yeah. I was watching like the All-Star Classic and there was a girl from there. Cool. What's the heavyweight division with women wrestling? I don't know.

I forget. I want to say 200? You think you could take the No, no, I don't I do think I do think I would have been a good wrestler though Well you had the opportunity Didn't you?

You would My baseball coach wouldn't let me wrestle in high school I wanted to Can't hurt that arm That was his reasoning Looking back i fucking wish i would have told him to fuck off too because i actually yeah if you had wrestled in high school your whole life would be different maybe it'd be way better he's trying to hold you back yeah

you'd have cauliflower ears though yeah probably yeah TJ you want to spin the wheel get that wheel spun go ahead and see what we got it's getting closer closer to impact here where it's we lose a dry everyday yep

uh oh and that'll fix that Uh-oh. And that'll fix that. Okay, nice. Hey. Okay. Danny, do you think we could convince Brandon Walker to come to Wisconsin Dells with us, with his whole family? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I've been wanting to plan that anyway. We're going sometime in February. Yeah. Are they indoor? Yeah. Yeah. I thought they were all outdoor. yeah yeah i've been wanting to play that anyway we're going sometime in february either yeah are they indoor yeah yeah i thought they were all outdoor their part is it could be 10 degrees there will be outdoor swimming though okay heat the pools like crazy it's really yeah it's the water park capital of the world yeah it's the the largest how many or whatever the largest a bunch collection of water parks in the same i don't get why it has like a a trashy stigma because it's a ton of fun how far into wisconsin is it it's like three hours from here it's like three three and a

half so about an hour a little north of madison okay so like 10 minutes from you yeah okay so i can probably walk to it yeah probably yeah in your bathing suit yeah no i would love to do that we uh we did the great wolf lodge and gurney a couple of weeks ago they obviously love it because they're their children and they love water parks does that one have the bucket too no idea i didn't go um but it might is that the thing yeah i think that might have the bucket what's the bucket they have a giant bucket at great wolf lodge i don't know how many gallons it is but you work the whole time in the water park to fill the bucket oh yeah yeah then it pours down in like 99 of the time it's so strong like the kids pants are flying off yeah where is great wolf lodge is that in wisconsin that's in the dells as well yeah

the first one it's uh it's great wolf lodge kalahari kalahari number one indoor water park in the world really Really? The wilderness. The wilderness. Polynesia. How do these places all succeed in the same place? I guess they all kind of arising tirelessly. It's like bar hopping when you go up there. It's like you go to one, then you go to the next one, go to the next one.

What is even more fun up there, they got Devil's Lake. Fucking awesome campground. Okay okay if you like camping yeah i would like to go maybe maybe not to what devil's lake or just camping i like yeah i like camping i don't like the idea of sleeping in a tent the bugs and mosquitoes yeah any wild and i'll do everything prior to sleeping on maybe a lodge like a shitty yeah yeah yeah you'll just go outside and drink and then yeah by a fire i would like a bed and covers what about uh glamping i don't get that just go to wait glamping yeah yeah it's a thing it's like electricity in there basically have like a cot. Yeah. That defeats the purpose.

What's the purpose? To live like a frontiersman. I don't think that's the purpose. Yeah, it is. You can live like one. You just don't have to sleep like one. All right. All right, yeah. Do we have people here that haven't done the gauntlet?

Do we want to? Donnie has not. I don't know if they're willing to do it, but I didn't know if we were going to do that today. I thought – Yeah, we can do it another day. I would like to do it. Yeah, we'll get to it.

Do you have the leaderboard up? Because I think I was, like, top ten when I did it. Top ten, Dave. I mean, that's not – there's only been 11 people to do it. I have nightmares of just never getting the home run. You're right behind Gia, so, yeah. That's pretty good, Dave. Yeah.

It was the home run that killed it. What do you think about that? Have you done it, Danny? I haven't. They should include the fast pitch for you, Dave. You'd be way up there then. Yeah, it's not fair. Who has the lowest?

Dan did it in a minute 26, and that's probably 35 seconds clear of anybody else. Who has the lowest? Dan did it in a minute 26, and that's probably 35 seconds clear of anybody else. Who has the worst time? I think Stu Feiner. Stu Feiner struggled on pretty much all of it and got bogged down on the best. The Bluntman almost did, right? Yeah, I was going to say. He almost got as bad as Stu.

He not last. Yeah, his wasn't great. But he, by tenths of seconds. Everybody above Cam Newton is respectable. Cam Newton is the line. I also got fucked by Sporkle because Alaska didn't count. I don't remember. Why are you pointing at Kyle?

It wasn't like a looming thing on my mind. Well, because you were in agreement. He's not responsible for it either. No, I know. I don't, I forget. It was the states that border Canada. Oh, yeah. Dave hasn't slept in the past three weeks. Yeah, you got. I forget. It was the states that border Canada. Oh, yeah. Dave hasn't slept in the past three weeks.

And it didn't specify lower 48. Yeah. Oh, shit. Damn, dude. That sucks. I think Dan will be back tomorrow. I don't know. I know Nick and Mook will still be out.

But I think Dan will be back from Rough and Rowdy tomorrow for the YAC. So we should be closer to a full crew. But thank you guys for coming. Yeah, thanks, man. We should do it. It's always a pleasure. It's a gauntlet day tomorrow maybe if we need something to So we should be closer to a full crew. But thank you guys for coming. We should do it. It's always a pleasure. Gauntlet day tomorrow maybe if we need something to do. Yeah, it's a Friday too.

Because we have teaser gauntlet shirts. Oh. Okay. So actually, will you be busy during the Yak tomorrow? Yeah, but the gauntlet doesn't take too long. You two stay close because you might be called into gauntlet duty tomorrow. Okay. Might be a gauntlet Yak. You just jinxed yourself, by the way. Gauntlet doesn't take too long. You two stay close because you might be called into gauntlet duty tomorrow. Okay. Might be a gauntlet yak.

You just jinxed yourself, by the way. Gauntlet doesn't take too long. Not like, what's the very worst time? It's six minutes? Yeah. So at the most, it would take ten minutes. I want to have each person go to their best station and see how low we can get. Yeah, I've had that fantasy for a while.

What station would you be? I think I would have to do wiffle ball. Really? That's my best. I would have to do wiffle ball. Really? That's my best. I would obviously do soccer. Oh, yeah. Basketball. I think doing a team relay would be.

Relay, yeah. Nobody would choose football. I don't know. We still might not beat Dan. Dan had the best football, basketball, sport cool, and soccer times. There's no way he beat me in soccer. He has the best soccer time of all time. I don't know how that can be true.

We have to do it when he's not here and then he comes back and we're like, hey, FYI, your record's been broken. We could just lie about it. That's a lot easier than actually Tony's. Yeah, we did. When he comes back, we had an incredible run. Holy shit, this is fucking insane.

What do y'all want to say? Do y'all want to say that White Sox Dave beat it? White Sox Dave's soccer time was 492. Big Cats was in his best run, what did that say, 339? Oh, that's not even close, Dave. That's not even fucking close. But wouldn't it be like a second if you just walk up and kick it in yeah a lot of these margins if their first try i got it on my first well a lot of us got it on our first try so like what must be from

what is the split yeah i think it's i think it's from the second the bag drops the second the goal because if you took your time getting over there right yeah if you went dainty mode like i do you're not gonna to have the record. But that's an easy second to shave off, I would think. Has someone not done the bags with four bags yet? Tim Woods' worst bags time took him just over two minutes. He was wearing a cape, though. He is in cape percent, yes.

All right, Dan will be back tomorrow. That's the act for today. All right. Thank you, guys. We'll be back tomorrow uh that's the act for today all right thank you guys we'll uh we'll be back tomorrow It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop. We're doing it. It's the act. It's the act. See you guys tomorrow.

Bye.