The Yak - Who Is The Rudest Person At Barstool? | The Yak 11-10-21

Episode Date: November 11, 2021

BeeeeeezinnnnnnYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Damn, they did you dirty. Brandon's mic is not working. It's not working.

Okay, hi. Let's kick it over to Nick and Kb tell us a joke boys just kidding those pussies aren't here i think there's a difference between your mic not working and it being not on damn that's how you're starting this day oh yeah contentiously as a fucking i'm coming in with an op with an opt an optimistic view on life today it's a mic half working versus my calf why not working. Why are you taking the pills? How many pills have you taken today?

A lot. What's going on with you? I'm sick still. Jesus Christ. And I just, I'm trying to take better care of myself, so I'm taking a bunch of vitamins because I think my immune system's very poor.

Well, that was too Advil. Yeah, because my throat hurts. I don't think that's going to help. It will. His immune system is dookie, though. It's a bad immune. That's like one of the few things Advil does help with. Let me let Big Cat sit in this seat.

Rowan's going to host. We had, or Or actually Stephen told Stephen said you'd be on And I still usurp This fucking sweet ass throne Stephen What did Stephen do? Stephen just like

He was like The yak's been great recently Look at Stephen's face And then he Look at his face And then he just like Gave me a Total recap

Of Monday's show. And I was like, yeah, dude, I was there. He's like, it was awesome. We had Brandon talking about animals for 40 minutes. And I was like, yeah, I was there. Why was he reminding you? I don't know. It was wild.

Playing the hits. Sometimes you've got to play the hits. I guess I'm that unremarkable, yeah. Sometimes you've got to be reminded of your great performances. He loves slow zooms. It was wild. Playing the hits. Sometimes you've got to play the hits. I guess I'm that unremarkable, yeah. Sometimes you've got to be reminded of your great performances. TJ loves slow zooms. It's his favorite thing to do. He's the goat at it. He's just nice with the slow zoom.

But it has been good. It's been a blast recently. Just hanging with the fellas. It really grounds my day. It really gives me something to chew on in the middle of the day. It's a nice tent pole. Yeah, I love a fucking tent pole. And you have two tent poles.

I have several, yeah. No, you have two tent poles. Everything else is not a tent pole. If everything's a tent pole, nothing's a tent pole. Exactly. This and your college football show are a tent pole. Yes, that's right. Did you get got last night on your show?

Not really. Kind of. For like five seconds. For like five tried. Did you get got last night on your show? Not really. Kind of. For like five seconds. For like five seconds. Then called into the show. Troy called into the show. Troy from Tuscaloosa. Wait, how is the son of a boy dead?

I mean, not son of a boy dead. How is Bustin' with the Boys? Oh, it came out today. It finally came out. That was months ago. Are you beezing? Oh, yeah. Can I bees? No, don't put it. Are you going to put it on your eyes? months ago. Are you beezing? Oh, yeah. Can I bees?

No, don't put it. Are you going to put it on your eyes? No. That's what beezing is. Yeah. I won't. Well, here, if you're going to do it, use this one. Why?

This is my go-to. Why'd you strip the tags off of those? Because they look better when they're naked. What do you mean, look better? You want your chapstick to look good? It makes sense having to, but why are you caring to? I actually wasn't. I came in and apparently I left my other one in my chair.

Is it pepper here? Oh, he is. It's traditional. Yeah, it's got to be. It's the original flavor. I got the pomegranate. This shit fucking cracks. The pomegranate is delicious.

Would anyone like to be? Yeah, please. See this pomegranate? You can't bees with the pomegranate, though. You'll smell too nice. Their pheromones will go fucking ready. You don't want to get your palm on? I love bees.

Oh, you used a lot of bees. I've never bees before. Well, I scraped off the top so that I wasn't just having... You know, you could just rub it on your finger and put it on your eye. I didn't want sass to be licking my eyelids. Well, I think it's... I'm definitely never using that chapstick again. Why?

I just bees a little. After the entire room passes it around and rubs it on their eyelids. It touches his eyelids, not his eyes. Yeah, it touched my eyelids. I let it touch a little of my eye. Yeah, just a tiny bit. I just let it smell, but I got contacts in, so you can't even get a conjunctivitis encrusted eyelid from my shit. I don't have contacts

in. This, this headphone sucks. Yeah, they do. They're broken, I think. They are. You've got to shuffle it around and it'll come back. I think that's the worst seat we have. KBC?

Just the setup. The mic and the headphones are not good. And just where you're sitting, yeah. I beezed a little too hard. I'm not going to lie, boys. I fucking beezed. I was a slow creeper. I can't even open my eyes right now. Yeah, that shit's fantastic.

Holy fuck. Do you need to cut it with some elderberry? Elderberry is like the Narcan of beezing. It'll just get you right. You just have to use a little elderberry on your fucking... We would do this in high school, and you can't get in trouble for it. Because it's nothing. But we would just be sobbing.

Yeah, no, it's... I feel it. I don't know what it does. I remember when I was in middle school, I'd be like,bing. Yeah, no, it's... I feel it. I don't know what it does. I remember when I was in middle school, I'd be like, oh, you get high from it? You get a little tingle. That bees too much. Bees and tam.

You get a tingle in your eyes? Does it feel good? Yes. It feels incredible. Unless you overdose like I did. That's, yeah, that's any drug, though. Everything in moderation, nothing in excess. Have you boys ever snitched before?

A few times. Same. What do you snitch on? The only one I really need to. In sixth grade, I snitched on the football team. The whole team? Yeah. Or everybody, when we were getting dressed in our football clothes,

everybody was doing this thing where you push your hands up against somebody's throat up against a wall, and it makes them pass out, and everyone would wake up and be like, I just saw fucking Sonic the Hedgehog, or I was just in a game of Mario or some shit. And I told, I was like, I think that somebody's about to die. Probably smarter than you. Did you tell before they got to you?

I would never snitch. I just never went. I just never fucking choked out by the bros. I was lying when I said that I snitched. I would never snitch. No, I would never snitch. I just caught you in a trap. I was going to admit it anyway.

I saw a guy break a clock one time in school, and I snitched on him. Brandon, you definitely were snitching left and right. I got tricked into snitching. Oh, the biggest snitch. I got tricked into snitching. Brandon, no. Like aitching left and right. Oh, the biggest snitch. I got tricked in the snitch. Like a self-appointed hallmark. Brandon was the snitch to be like,

oh, well, this means we can hang out during recess with the teacher. He was like, I don't like recess. I just want to eat my lunch with you. Joey broke the clock. His name was Eric. Eric broke the clock. Brandon, you're... You forgot to give us homework.

This shit is really going. This shit you're... You forgot to give us homework. You're... This shit is really going. This shit is fucking... Focus, big guy. Your mom... Yeah, why... I was on the internet last night. Why was your mom with Sidney Wells?

That was shocking. Did you know? I did. I knew Sidney Wells was... Okay, so it was not a planned meeting. Okay. Yeah, because I knew... You told us on Monday that she was in West Point.

She's in West Point. She's in my hometown, but not only is she in my hometown, she is on my road. She is on our land. And she is hunting with the Mossy Oak guys. Mossy Oak is from West Point. And she's down at the creek. And my mother happens to take her evening walks down by the

creek. By the creek? By the creek. Creek? You say creek or creek? It's creek walks down by the creek. By the creek? By the creek. Creek? It's creek. You say creek or crick? It's creek. Down by the crick. By the creek. By the Trista? And my mom just happened to be walking down there, and they ran into each other, and she

put a picture of my mom on the internet. Wow. Wasn't excited about my mom's picture being on the internet, but it was fine. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, it was fine. But how did she know? Your mom's a good-looking lady. She was with-

Handsome lady. That's what I was thinking, too. But how did she know? Your mom's a good-looking lady. She was with... Handsome lady. That's what I was thinking, too. She was with the Mossy Oak guys and a couple of... Everybody knows everybody down there. I like that shirt that she had. When my mom walked up. That's what it is. USA versus everyone.

USA versus everyone. Imagine if she was wearing a Confederate flag shirt. She doesn't own one. She does not own one. She is a very forward-thinking woman baby that's a barstool shirt she took yeah no it's great she took it from here she actually she's a good looking good looking period period i don't know how to i don't know how to say that it was a totally normal picture that i didn't even think was remarkable well she's tiny she's a short woman

she's five two i'm six five so it's five two is not that short she's not even Well, she's tiny. She's a short woman. She's 5'2". I'm 6'5". 5'2 is not that short for a girl. She's not even your mom. She's my mom. But it was interesting because I didn't – Yeah, there we go. Censored. Sydney didn't tell me it was coming. Like, I didn't know.

Yeah, that's crazy. And I looked down, and she's with my mom. And I looked at the background. I know exactly where that is, where in the woods that is. And, yeah, it's on the Miller's land. We have the Walker land on the other side,. Right by the holler. Yeah, it's on the Miller's land. We have the Walker land on the other side, but they're the land right next to us. They don't care if you walk

on there? The Walkers and the Millers can go on each other's lands as much as they want. With impunity. Swingers? Land swingers? We actually have a pond that is split. The property line is split. One side's on theirs, one side's on ours. Which side has more fish? Oh, the Walker side because it's the shallower side.

It's where theower side. Ah. That's where the bass like to go. Did she go up with a fucking sawed-off shotgun and start shooting into the lake or something like that? No, I think she's down there to deer hunt, to bow hunt for deer. Because that takes them longer to die, right? Yes, that's much more. You want them to bleed out for a while. Yeah, it takes a while.

Do you fly fish out there or do you just? We't fly fish no no fly fishing and i don't hunt everybody that's a very big hunting area in fact it's a hunting company but i i don't hunt we have hunting land but i don't i don't do that why i don't i don't like killing animals i hate killing animals i've killed one animal in my life what was his name? The snake. His name was... And when I did it, I hated it. Robert Earl. I would always go hunting with my grandfather and my uncle, and we were expected to hunt, and I would always act like my gun was jammed

or something went wrong. I would always do that. I was like, oh, my gun's not working. Oh, they thought you were such a pussy. I just didn't like it. I don't live for that. Look at Mike. Look at Mike with the tennis ball, those hand skills. Dude, Mike is quick with it. He's getting his reflexes up.

I love Mike. I'd like to see him catch it a little bit lower in the bounce, though, going forward. He's letting it come up a little bit high. Just, you know, low and tight to the wrist or tight to the hip. That's how I want to see it from him. Brandon, I have a question for you based on that. Yeah. If you don't like shooting animals, why do you own guns?

For people? Humans. I mean. Well, there's still, I feel like there's definitely still like a fun aspect of shooting guns. Yeah. Not killing something. I guess I just, I mean. I've never been shooting, but I would love to go shooting.

I inherited most of them. You just have them. I don't know. You got old guns? Yeah, I got old guns. Really? What kinds? I don't want to get into the gun ownership thing.

I think that's cool. I think it's cool. That sounds dangerous. You should get new guns. Yeah. That's what I mean't want to get into the gun ownership thing. I think that's cool. That sounds dangerous. You should get new guns. That's what I mean. You should trade them in. My grandpa used to have a bunch of old guns. The one you talked to? My grandfather was in law enforcement.

He was a game and fish warden, so he had a shit ton of guns. That's borderline law enforcement. That's law enforcement. What law are you enforcing? He was the guy who would literally go up to people's boats and be like how many bass did you catch today is that bass over 12 feet 12 inches no okay throw it back in mississippi a game warden is a law officer he's a respected person yeah he's like oh you've shot two deers this year that's illegal what can i do about it here's a 50 $50 ticket. Did he discharge his firearm ever?

Did he ever? I've heard stories, but I don't know. So he let it off in the line of duty as a fish warden? I've heard stories. That's all I can tell you. I've heard stories. Was he on Outer Banks? He wasn't a fish warden.

He was a game and fish officer. Game two. Not just fish. In my hometown, if you misfire your weapon, you get demoted to the D.A.R.E. officer at the high school. Oh, really? All the D.A.R.E. officers are fuck-ups? You still had D.A.R.E.? Oh, yeah.

I didn't know D.A.R.E. was still around. Yeah, D.A.R.E. is still going. Remember that contract they made everyone sign saying I'll never do drugs? Yeah. That was wild. D.A.R.E. is not working. No, it's the opposite. We had to try something else.

It never worked back then. It's the opposite. It's a cool shirt to wear while you do drugs. It, it's the opposite. It never worked back then. It's the opposite. It's a cool shirt to wear while you do drugs. Yeah, it is. It teaches you, like... I see people wearing that shirt all the time.

What does dare mean? Can anybody name dare? Dare, dare, me, not, no, dare. Dare. I don't think dare's in it. It starts with dare. Dare's not in it. D stands for dare.

Drug awareness, resistance? Enforcement. Something like that? Drug awareness. Resistance, enforcement?. Something like that? Drug awareness resistance enforcement? I feel like having it be named that for children would be a little weird, though. It's dare all of us. Drug abuse resistance education. So if you don't abuse it.

It's dare all of us to roll ecstasy. It does feel like it's a challenge. If they call it a dare, it's like, oh, I dare you. That sounds like peer pressure. The shirt is literally peer pressure. I mean, the contract is wild. It's like, hey, I'm like...

Well, I never had to sign a contract. Yeah, they might have gone away with that. Like, 12 years old, here's a contract. You'll never do drugs. Only thing it wants me to do is make me want to do is do drugs. Yeah, I signed that contract. When I was in like eighth grade health class

or maybe younger. They told us that doing drugs would turn your pee blue. And then like the first time I smoked weed, I was like super pumped to pee and like have blue pee.

And then it was just completely normal. I was like, what the hell? I think I preferred what they did to us. Yeah. Just make us sign contracts.

Yeah. I don't think my pee's turning blue. But the fact that it was exciting to you is counterintuitive as well. I was pumped. I was like, well, at least my pee is going to be blue. Which blue did you think it was going to be? I thought it was going to be like blue Gatorade.

Cool blue? Like windshield wipers. Cool blue. Fuck. That's bullshit that it doesn't. I know. If it comes out like navy, that wouldn't be good. I took a drug one time that made my sperm green.

But it was a prescribed drug. I don't even remember what it was. It had to have any sperm in green, though. Ew, that's disgusting. So if you had fucked somebody during that period, you would have given birth to Shrek? Hopefully, or like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or something along those lines. Awesome. That's the fucking dream, dude.

Were the Ninja Turtles in New York? Yes. Yes, definitely. No way. In the early 90s and late 80 York? Yes. Yes, definitely. No way. In the early 90s and late 80s? Yes, they lived here. Wasn't that like

the most murderous time in New York history? Well, yeah, it was. That's why there were Ninja Turtles. In the 80s, yeah. Yeah, there were just people killing people

left and right in the subway. Aside from right now. Right now is actually the safest time ever to live in New York, brother. I know. That's what they say. Does it kind of bum you out? That you're still to live in New York, brother. I know. That's what they say.

Does it kind of bum you out? That you're still a pussy about New York? Yeah. And it's literally the safest time. It's Disneyland. I don't get scared in New York, except for when I'm right outside my apartment. You're scared? After witnessing what went down there a few weeks ago.

What went down? Still bloodstains on the pavement. We didn't talk about that. No, we talked about it. I don't know if Big Cat was there. Someone got brutally assaulted and jumped nearly to death outside of our apartment. It was tough because we didn't call the police

so we had to listen to it for a while. We listened to it for a good 45 minutes. Wait, you didn't call the police? No, someone else called the cops. Wait, you guys didn't help? You guys listened? It was like one verse ten. Isn't this like the famous case?

Isn't this the famous case? Yes, like a woman gets- Of the woman who got raped and like murdered and- There was no rape. There was no rape. And if there was, we would have gone out there. Okay, but- Yeah.

It's a famous case. Like the woman got like murdered, but like the guy kept on leaving and coming back and everyone was like, oh, someone else will call the cops. What's the story? I legitimately watched someone say, I'm calling, like he picked up his phone and called the cops.

So I knew that the cops were on their way. But he could have been calling anyone. No, he, it was like, I can't emphasize how much we could hear. And it was, we were basically there.

Why didn't you, I would have gone outside to just check it out. I would have saved them. It was like 10 dudes versus one guy. And what were they doing? You have 10 other dudes, though.

They were just caving this guy's ribcage. Yeah. Why? I think maybe gang initiation or something. It didn't make sense. It was just like an Uber Eats driver. Kitty Genovese, yes. In New York, in Queens.

And like people, 38 witnesses saw or heard the attack. None of them called the police or came to raid. That's you guys. It also says erroneously claimed. Well, okay. Well, the cops did come. people, 38 witnesses saw or heard the attack and none of them called the police or came to raid. That's you guys. It also says erroneously claimed. Well, okay, well the cops did come. No, you don't read that part. You read the highlight part.

Yeah, the cops came and there was like 80 of them on our block. It was literally like, it was like 9-11 just happened outside of our apartment. There was like, I've never seen more police. They were crawling around

like ants out there. It was crazy. They just respond though? They didn't do anything to stop it? This whole thing is not real? That's wild. That was a dare tactic.

Damn. Yeah, that was a social experiment. Well, it worked. Because now everybody just... I call the cops instantly. Have you ever called the cops? Yeah, every time someone does anything.

Have you ever called the cops? Anytime someone looks any bit suspicious. Nah. No, I actually have never called the cops. I'm not a cop caller. No, I'm genuinely never called the cops. I'm not a cop caller. No, I'm genuinely curious.

Have any of you guys actually ever dialed 911? No. No. I've told other people to do it. I have too. I've had it ready to go. I have. Just when I'm in arguments.

I had some dude pass out in front of me. I have once on a car crash that wasn't like people were dying. It was like, this is going to be, someone's going to have to sort this thing out. It's kind of thrilling to be first to call. It's kind of thrilling to be first on the scene. I would love to call at some point. What is that? I think he's got a Chicago police.

No, what is it? Oh, he's the cops he's listening is he listening I love Mike Mike and Anthony are the best they're always listening they are

but how not even on the radio they just got us bugged yeah I love them I feel so those guys they protect us

they're our watchful guardians it's just great having someone around that it's like I can't really explain it. Just that he's Italian presenting. He might not be Italian, but he presents as an Italian. It's telling him to shut it down.

I think it's just a simple fact that there's someone here who if anything physical happened, he would be the one who would fight. But he doesn't look it. You know what I mean? It takes a burden off. You don't have to be the guy. Right. Brandon could probably speak to this.

As a larger gentleman, the burden usually lies on the larger gentleman. Correct. Yes. It's like, oh, there's someone here. Someone should do something. Someone should do something, larger guys. It's a responsibility we haven't earned. Right. I do not want that responsibility.

I actually hate that. I don't think I've ever had to use the responsibility of like larger man. I actually, I heard like someone had a bit about that, like on a plane, how when there's turbulence, everyone looks for the largest man on the plane. Yeah.

No, dude, it's in the back of your head. It's in the back of your head. Like you size up rooms and you kind of play that game of like, I even do it in like my apartment. That's why I slouch. Or a crazy guy comes on the subway.

Yes. Like you look around and you're like, who's the biggest guy on here that's going to take care of this? It's me. That is crazy. No, it's true. In my apartment building, I'll be like, oh, well, some of the guys in my apartment building, I'd probably have to be the one to save their whole family. To kind of take control of the situation and be like, you guys down here.

Yeah, you would. Stack on each other's shoulders. Fucking take the women down. It's actually like all I want in life is for my son to get strong enough that he can take that over me. Like if shit went down, he's got to handle it. Your mom hit the jackpot. Your mom being 5'2", she's like, I need a big fucking guy around. But do you remember that moment when you like passed your father where it's like if you're like out at a game or something and it's like went down it'd be me now yeah but do you ever get like no it never happens it's all hypothetical no i mean like mark walberg 9-11 shit like none of this is actual real it's like mark walberg

astroworld type of shit yeah sizing up like i'm definitely bigger than my dad now taller but i don't think i'll ever be stronger than him until he's like really old so yeah your dad still holds the still he's still holding down the fort right it happens right but that's a big moment when it's like all right it's me now but i'm the man of the family does that shift the alpha energy in the office does security automatically become the alphas of the office oh they're definitely in a primordial way in like without a rival way without a doubt not primordial i feel like they're like the security guards in project x like they all secretly have like a lot of weapons Without a doubt. Not primordial. I feel like they're like the security guards in Project X.

Like they all secretly have like a lot of weapons somewhere stored in the wall. It's not secret. I asked that one guy. I looked him dead in the eye. I was joking. And I said,

when's the last time you killed somebody? And he gave me an answer. Yep. He also, straight answer. What is it? They're former cops.

When we were in Tennessee. You gotta kill someone just to get in. When we were in Tennessee, we were in traffic and he started honking. And Brandon was like, you can't honk. We're in the south. They'll start shooting you.

And he's like, I'll shoot back. All right, I feel safe. I love him. I fucking love him. I was terrified when he started honking in the south. You can't honk in the south. Tennessee is also not the south. Tennessee is very much the south.

It's like barely the south. Tennessee is the south. You're the South. But it was... Tennessee is also not the South. Yeah. Tennessee is very much the South. It's like barely the South. Tennessee is the South. No. You're the South. Tennessee is incredibly South. When I was in Charleston, they were bragging that nobody honks. Nationalist transplant. And then we heard somebody just lay on the horn.

That nobody honks? Yeah. Yeah. People honk. You know what, though? I gotta say it. There's something very special about New York when you get in a spot where everyone honks. It's so funny to me.

Yes. It's like when you're in a real traffic jam and all of a sudden 40 cars decide they're going to honk. It's like a choir coming together. I got stuck on the Brooklyn Bridge coming home maybe one in the morning a few weeks ago. And they were doing something. I don't even know what they were doing. They literally just stopped. And I was like maybe 1 in the morning a few weeks ago, and they were doing something. I don't even know what they were doing. They literally just stopped. And I was like maybe the second car, and we were stopped there for about 10 minutes.

And five minutes in, everyone on the bridge decided to honk, and they all honked for five minutes straight. And it was so funny. That's hilarious. It was so funny. Imagine if you're working on the Brooklyn Bridge. You're probably so pissed. There was a real reason why we were stopped. It wasn't like somebody had just missed that it was a green light.

We were just all stopped. And everyone honked. And I was laughing my ass off. And I was just fucking laying on it. Whenever there's a cacophonous honk, it's always about something that nobody can fix. The honking is never going to fix it. There's something big happening. And they're moving as fast as they can.

And it makes you feel better. And you're just... And do a little... Throw in some real shit. I don't drive in the city, obviously. He has a phobia of cars. I don't know if you guys knew this. No, I don't anymore. Also, I got like a hundred DMs

feeling like I have the same exact thing. Don't worry. We have like a surprisingly large amount of car phobia guys in this office. Really? Glennie won't drive on the highway. Frank won't drive on the highway. Tommy won't. Tommy won't drive on the highway or at night. I fucking love driving.

I love driving on the highway. It's like objectively easier. Also, this is not a phobia anymore. This was a phobia when I was like a junior and slash senior in high school. So like last year. He couldn't be inside a car. Just being in a car. Not even on the highway.

Anywhere you go, he was scared to be inside of a car. You just hate cars, period. No, it was not that. It was like a panic attack disorder that I had where I would freak out every time I was in a car. But only in cars. Which I eventually got over it and now I like driving a lot. I'm going to say something, Sass. Don't take it the wrong way, but you're mentally pretty fucked up.

That was the start of all of it, to be honest. Yeah, like the blue piss weed. I didn't want to say it. The blue piss. I was literally in seventh grade. I know, but I feel like you've got a lot of things you're chasing. No, I don't. Just don't be depressed.

Just go to bed at night and tell yourself you don't have to be depressed. Why don't you just smile more? What could we do now to color our piss? Maybe sprinkle it in the eye in the stream. Actually, when I got a kidney stone Yeah A little red tint to it It was It was excess vitamin C Yeah

And So it was orange My piss was like neon So if you take a shitload of vitamin C Also there's Cranberry pills I want to say For urinary tract I think it's more of a chick thing

But I thought I had that And I took those And my piss turned red. That's awesome. Are you sure you're wearing – Also, there was one time where I did piss blood for a while. Yeah, I was going to say, how are you sure that wasn't blood? What would be the worst color to piss?

I think red. I think actually – What if your piss was black? That would be awful. Yeah. Red. If you're pissing blood, that's like a serious medical problem. No, I'm saying –

I got over it. I'm saying just – I did, I did. I got over it. I did. I got over it. If your piss was just colored and it wasn't blood, what would be the worst? Just imagine looking down and seeing a purple toilet. Why would that be worse? I don't think that's bad.

Why would purple piss be bad? I don't know. That would be awesome. That would be shocking. I would say black. I think you were right on black. No, because black, you'd be like, what did I eat? If it was just jet black, like ink.

Oil. Oil. Or I actually think the worst color that you could piss is like a deep, deep brown. Yeah, poop brown. Yeah. Then you think you're switched around. Yeah, they got crossed. Gross.

Yellow turd. That's disgusting. Something got switched up.. Something got switched up. The valves got switched up. But they said that even if you have blue food dye in this article right here, that blue food dye can turn your pee a little bit blue. Look at that. That's actually artwork right there. That shit looks beautiful.

It's Roy G. Biv. Have you guys ever shit foam? Love on the spectrum right there. What's that? Yes, I have. Have you actually? Yeah, it looked like a frothy sea Like at the sea when there's tumultuous sea

And there's a lot of algae getting kicked up to the top I've pooped that Or like the Purell It kind of comes out like Why, have you? Were you in trouble? No, standard It's like a burp coming out the butt

That's so gross You never poop foam? No, absolutely not. Well, it's coming, brother. I've had some crazy shit. I've never pooped foam. Welcome to your mid-20s. Man, age is going to hit you like a ton of bricks.

Do you get your colon checked, Brandon? I've never had my colon checked. Brandon, aren't you supposed to get it when you're like 40? 40. I'm nervous about that. Yeah, I'm sure you probably are. We'll go get it checked on friday i like to ignore most medical problems steven has to beg the doctor he's like please

check it i know i admitted the doctor and like i actually did ask the doctor i know you did anytime i say something that steven does it's always factual yes like i'm not joking people think it might be a joke it's a fact you you went to the doctor and you said, hey, I know I'm not 40, but do you think I should get my colon checked now? Check this thing out. My grandmother died from colon cancer. Oh, God damn it. You can't do that to me.

That's true. You fucking dick. You pulled a big casino on me. I was just waiting to. Was she over 40? She was. Yes. That fucking.

You jerk. She's not a Mississippi resident. Damn. You jerk. But. What did that mean? I'm not, like, scared of getting my colon checked. It's like the draw four card in Uno.

You're 20 years old. You barely even have a colon yet. Like, what are you scared of? The finger up your ass? It's a fist. I would probably be more scared of the... It's a fist. I would probably be more scared of the cancer than the finger up my ass.

Yeah. So I'd probably be fine with the finger up my ass. Have you guys ever had an anema? Edema? Edema? Fuck. Edema? Is that one of those words

that you... You've read? Yeah, I've never said it out loud. Oh, really? Because I was going to say it's one of those words where you know

that you always fuck it up. It's the Mark D'Antonio, Mark D'Antoni thing. Of course. When you get in your own head and no matter what you just say it. Oh, yeah.

I always think when I'm spelling couch, I'm spelling coach. Rapport. I always struggle with rapport. I struggle with Aubrey and Audrey's. I read it as Rapport. Rapport? And I never knew what it was. And then I knew what the word rapport was.

I just didn't know that's how I was- Restaurant always fucks me up, too. Restaurant's a good one. Wednesday would fuck me up for a while. Yeah. Until I just started saying Wednesday. Wednesday is the Wednesday hack. But what about Enema?

Jihadism is one that fucks me up. Yep, and you type that a lot. So your correspondence back home to the boys. I said jihadism on the podcast, and I couldn't tell if I was saying it right. I don't think you are. I don't think I am either. Jihadism.

Oh, you know, it was brutal. I found out with a J, though. I was spelling the R word wrong for a while. Which one? The bad one. That's jihadism. Oh, you know, it was brutal. I found out at the J, though. I was spelling the R word wrong for a while. Which one? Like the bad one. That's ironic. Yeah. But the animal, they like shove it up your ass,

and then they're like, you can't poop for 30 minutes. And then you just shit all over the place. Oh, you did that? Well, I made it to the bathroom. Oh, was that when you were constipated? Yeah. Yeah, I've heard that. Why didn't you just poop? Actually, I heard that in fifth grade. I made it to the bathroom, but. Oh, was that when you were constipated? Yeah. Yeah, I've heard that. Why didn't you just poop?

Actually, I heard that in fifth grade. I remember it so vividly. Some kid on the bus said that he had that happen, and he said he was just, like, shitting water for, like, a month straight. I love when you tell the stories, like, fifth grade, and it's, like, so 2014? Right. A few years ago. Fifth grade was, like, what?

I don't know. How old were you in fifth grade? It was nine years ago for you, right? Eleven. Eleven. Eleven. So, yeah, nine years ago. So, Dave was deep into his trip bar stool at that point.

Yeah. And you were just shitting yourself on the bus. No, I wasn't. Some other kid was. Wait, so why didn't you just eat chili or something? Or, like, get a diuretic. I didn't know I was constipated. I got rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance.

Oh, my God. They thought my appendix burst. Oh, I remember this. I remember this. So, they put, like, a... That story is the only reason I didn't go to the hospital when I thought my appendix was going to burst. Yeah. Because I was like, I think I'm just constipated.

I think they tricked me when they took my appendix out. There's no harm in it. You don't need your appendix. Yeah, you don't. Yeah, I think they just wanted to get the money. Because I went for something over here. I had some real bad... I thought something was wrong with my spleen or something.

I thought something was terrible wrong. I said, nothing nothing's wrong with that side but your appendix is in trouble oh so it's like going going to the fucking auto shop right like oh you actually don't need an oil change but all your tires need to be rotated yeah the spleen is scary have you guys ever had mono no no when you have mono it's like it fucks with your spleen And they're like If your spleen bursts You will die They didn't have mono That's not true It is

That's not true It bursts or you lose it It explodes Oh Cause you can lose your spleen No I don't think you can Yeah you can Chris Simms

Really I think if it bursts though You're fucked Yeah I mean you can get it taken out Yeah Chris Simms had his spleen taken out Cause it burst Actually no Yeah you don't die

He got his spleen. He could have died. He could have died. No, I think it's like really high chance to die. No, he broke his spleen in a football game. It usually leads to acute blood loss. It usually leads to acute blood and immediate death. But Chris Spleen Chris Spleen, yeah. How are you supposed to sit with that

after they drop that bomb on you? What do you mean sit with it? They're like, well, there's a chance your spleen could burst in the next month, and if it does, you're going to die. You'll immediately feel it. Like something will be wrong. He doesn't have a spleen. He took his spleen out.

So he's like immunocompromised. I've seen stories where football players died because of a spleen. So he could have very well. If he went to the hospital like an hour later, he would have been dead. Damn. That's rough. That's why I didn't go pro, man. I just didn't want to put my spleen on the line like that.

Aren't you trying to go pro now? I am. I'm trying to get – I want to go to either the NHL or the MLB, but I don't want to play in the MLB. You just want to be there? How do you go without playing? Oh, okay. Oh, you're trying to go for Frank's job?

Yes. Were you here that day? No. Oh, yeah're trying to go for Frank's job? Yes. Were you here that day? No. Oh, yeah, it was me, Owen, and Donnie. Frank, it was actually... I wasn't even here either. Oh, it was actually incredible. Oh, yeah, that's right.

It was me, Jerry, Donnie, and Frank. Frank, he gave his plan for fixing the Mets. Oh, wow. And it was... Analytics-based or what? Put the Rudy music behind it. Well, it was like pretty much... Analytics-based or what? I made them put the Rudy music behind it. Well, it was like pretty much... It was like eight huge signings.

And then it was get like a manager that's not a pussy and plays small ball. And also pitchers that throw 140 pitches. Have they thought of this? I said that if the Mets, like,ets can't find a general manager, let Frank do it for two years. What's the downside? I don't know what the harm would be. You're probably not going to win the World Series anyway. Let Frank do it.

What if Frank was just the next Theo Epstein? Remember Eddie, the Knicks movie? Or no. It was the twins. Little Bigley. He did it. It could be Frank. He and... There was the twins. Little Bigley. Little Bigley. Yeah, the kid did it. It could be Frank, but in a...

He was the owner and the coach. We should at least write the movie where Frank becomes the general manager and fucking saves the team. We're going to call it Frank? The MLB immediately goes on strike. The fact that he's named after his favorite food is fucking incredible. I know. It's fucking perfect. And doesn't use it in his video series.

Yeah, for raw dogs. Yeah. Frank's Frank's would have been great. Yeah, it would have been that simple, but... That's so funny. I didn't even think about that.

He's named after his favorite food. Imagine if Glennie's name was Cheeseburger. Or like Dave's name, Pie, like pizza. Is Glennie's real name Glennie? Yeah, Glenn.

Glennard. No, Glennard. Glenn, is Glennie here Yeah, Glenn. Glennard. Oh, Glennard. Glenn, is Glennie here? He was. He just left like a second ago. Ron and I were cheesing earlier because Glennie has a suitcase that his mom packed for him with a note card that has listed everything that's in the suitcase. His mom doesn't pack a suitcase for him.

Yes, she does. Every single time. You don't understand. I said this to Glennie. He gives her the t-shirts, but she does everything else. Yeah, Glennie is the most Italian guy I know. And I say that because he lives at home, and he'll live at home until he gets married, and then he'll move across the street.

And his mom dotes on him. It's very Italian. I love it. She has to pack his bag. Does he live in Long Island? Yes. Yeah. All in Long Island.

Isn't that like a Long Island thing, though? People never leave Long Island. Your mom packs your suitcase. Yeah. It's... All in Long Island. Isn't that like a Long Island thing, though? People like never leave Long Island. Your mom packs your suitcase. Yeah. It's Italian, I think. Not me, bro. Not, yeah. Because I remember when I met all your friends, they were like...

They were like, yeah, Owen's the first one who's gotten out of the Long Island. Like, he just like got out of the trenches. He's good will hunting. Yeah. Oh, they are. Here, Owen. No, it's just easy to commute, so people will stay home for a couple years. Isn't it like an hour and a half?

What do you mean it's easy to commute? No. How long does it take you to get to the office? Like 30 minutes. That's what it would take me from my house. From your house? It would be 42 minutes. Door to door?

That's not 30 minutes. So 12 more minutes, and also- Is that 30-minute commute not just break you guys? No. 30 is not. Not at all. It's very easy. Kind of therapeutic.

That 10- minute commute for us kills me you get on the train you listen to a podcast and then 20 minutes later you get off the train and you're here you get some steps in you walk you like stave off morbid obesity a little bit it's actually very very easy i did like an hour 40 there and back one summer mine's 45 i'm an hour 15 yeah that, that's crazy. I mean, I would rather not commute if you gave me the option to not give my...

If the office was next door to me, but... But I'd also rather not live next door to this office because this area is dumb as fuck. Correct. It's historically a stupid area. It's dumb AF. Yeah, it's such a dumb area.

Who lives the closest to this? Probably not us. Used to be KB. Used to be KB. Ben Fredette used to live right around the corner. I mean, Mantis used to live in the... Yeah, in the friendly confines. A couple people did, though, early on.

Mantis was just the last of the Mohicans. Dave, early on, when we first moved to New York, he wanted to, like, create... He wanted to have, like, a room with bunk beds and have, like, Trent and Nate live in it. Live in it? Yeah. I was like, I don't think that's a good idea, Dave.

You can nap while you're working? You actually have to live in it? It would be crazy. At that point, it's just a legitimate... How quickly would you lose your mind? I'd lose my mind in three days. Definitely. What?

The barstool survivor thing. How long were they here? Yeah, that's true. Seven days. And everybody turned fucking crazy. I wouldn't. I don't think I could ever do that. Nick was being serious the whole time. They're definitely going to make you do that next year.

What? They're definitely going to have you do it. No. As soon as you turn 21 and send your contract. I went over it. It's your birthright. I'm not going to be able to say no. I will.

It's your birthright. You have to. No, you have to do it. You definitely have to. No, you have to do it. You definitely don't. No, you have to do it. For the pop. For the boy dads. You do have to do it.

I'm definitely not going to do it. No, you have to do it. When did I say I would do it? You said it. You already said you'd do it. No, I said I was very insistent from the beginning. I said I'm never going to do it. Why?

Because I have no interest in staying in the office. Nobody does. Some people do. You can win $10,000. Or you can be like Nick and have everyone feel bad for you and win $100,000. Yeah, I don't know. You can get way more money by just pouting. Not reported to the authorities.

Yeah, I don't know. We'll see. Yeah, okay, so we're halfway there. We'll see is a soft yes. Yeah, we'll see. We just moved you off the note. We'll see is a soft yes. Yeah, we'll see. We just moved you off the no. We'll see is a hard no. No, we moved you off the no.

No, we already bullied you off the no. You can't go back. It wouldn't take us long to get to a hard yes. You would find me. I would be dead. I would kill myself. How much money would it have to be as the prize that would be like, okay, that's worth it for me to try to. No, I don't even know.

Like a million dollars. What? You wouldn't do it for a $50,000 prize? To live in the office for five days? No, because there's such a strong chance. You're not going to war. First of all, I would never win. Why?

Because I'm not a sociable enough person to win. He's smart what he's doing right now. He's becoming non-threatening for when he does do it. Yeah, you never would win. You don't even want to win, right? Six months prior, like, Sass didn't even know he was going to do it. This is some extreme game theory. I would never win.

You're already playing the game. You're already playing the game. He's already signed on. You motherfucker, you're already playing the game. Genius. God damn it, Sash. You're good. You're good, bro.

It's better than Nick and Tommy combined. Tommy hasn't started playing the game. No, yeah. Tommy's just fucking Shitting himself Lying naked on the Bathroom floor That was crazy Did you see that

That he was naked On the bathroom floor You know how Tommy Threw up from the chip On lowering the bar No They did the chip Tommy threw up

And apparently he said That he was ass naked In like not even Like the private bathroom Like in In like the The multiple person bathroom In our bathroom.

Laying on the floor. Laying on the floor of the stall. Completely naked. And he said, like, if someone would have looked under, like, to look at the shoes, they would have seen his whole asshole. Damn. Because he said he was sweating. He was so hot that he had to take off all his clothes. And I was, like, me and Rome were saying, I was, like, dude, like, nothing would have made me ever take off all of my clothes in like a public if i shit myself

i think i would have just continued to wear the shit on my body and not got naked and fucking i would have taken the shit pants off yeah you gotta take the shit pants off and just you walk out naked you gotta figure it out but you gotta take the shit pants i wouldn't even feel comfortable getting fully naked in the the private bathroom oh i've taken showers in there You don't have to worry about that with Mugsy, though. Yeah, do the Mugsy act. Can we get old blue eyes came in. Can we get a zoom in on blue eyes while Owen does a Mugsy? I'm wearing Mugsy jeans for the first time.

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off your entire order. He's going to look up. He's close. Stay on him. He's going to look up. His eyes are Mugsy blue. They're actively listening. Mike's not laughing right now. What's his name? I know Mike. That's Jerry.

Billy. Steve. He looked like a Jerry. He pops off the glasses. Here we go. Come on. Oh, yeah. There they are. Wait, look over here.

Oh, no. Strangers in the night. Just beautiful eyes. He's got the best eyes ever. He's beautiful. It's got the best size ever Beautiful It's Ebo's dad Ebo's dad? He looks like he's the dad of an Australian shepherd

His shit is blue, bro There's Evan So he's gonna say hi to his dad? Mm-hmm He walks right by his dad They must be having problems at home Yeah He's just like that

Don't fucking bother me at the fucking office, dad By the way, we've had spirited banter. It's been a great show. We do have an at five. Oh, shit. But I think let's keep the banter going when we get to our next awkward silence. Family feud.

Fair. To finish off the show. Also, I was told by an anonymous source, Brandon, that the dog has beef with you. What dog? You know the dog. There's that the dog has beef with you. What dog? You know the dog. There's only one dog here. The dog.

Who, Nate? I don't know. What happened? I don't want to play this dumb shit. What happened? Oh, you're above it. You're above the dog. I'm not above anybody.

No, you're above the dog. What happened? They said someone texted me and someone who, I mean, I guess you wouldn't expect, but they said you didn't hear it from me, but the dog is upset with Brandon. Okay. What happened? I have no idea. Tell us.

Let him be upset. You talking shit? Were you talking shit on the dog's name? Grab him. Grab him. I can't rule it out. I might have. Yeah, grab him.

Can you go grab him? I'm not going to grab him. Just come on. Why don't I go grab him? Can we go grab him? He's not here. Yes, he is. I saw him right before I came in.

The dog is here. Oh, the dog is here. Oh, the dog is here. Yes. No, no, no. Don't let Brandon grab him because then they'll figure out the beef beforehand. All right, so I'll grab him. Steven will grab him. Steven will grab him.

Steven will grab him. Team player. Five-tool player. I also saw Steven's mock draft. I know I said something. I don't remember what I said, though. You said something smart or snarky? I don't know. It was...

Oh, I think it was on the dozen, and they said, who do you want to play next week? Do you want to play this team or Nate? And I was like, I don't ever want to play Nate. So, I think that's what he's going to be mad at. Why? This is going to be good. Why don't you want to play him? We could have played family feud. Do you want to bring Nate on? I like controversy.

Controversy makes my balls tingle. I fucking get excited by it. I'm a woman in that way. He was mad at me as well that I said I was better than him. Aren't you? There's only one way to settle that. Heads up, hold them. They're all out, by the way. Not Jake Tool.

Shout out. The professional. Yeah. Is that Tool or O2? Tool. Mincy's out? Yeah. Mincy went bust, though.

Nate Silver took him down. Yeah, bluffed an Asian. Next week. Never bluff an Asian. Next year, Owen, I'm fully staking you. Fuck yes. We're going out. I might not go, but you're going to be fully staked by me.

I'm excited. I think we're going to win it all. I will also fully stake you. Probably, yeah. Double stake? Yeah, well, I will fully stake you as well. We can do halvesies. You want to do halvesies?

I'd rather be a second full stake. Okay. If I get a raise by then, I'll stake you. Not unless you do idle. You got to do idle. No, Owen's playing next year. He's going to finish in the money. Maybe we'll all go out.

Is he always playing in the fall? Why is he coming in with a squad? I think it's going to be... Oh, yeah, Jerry. Why isn't Jerry in here? I don't know. I think it's going to be the summer next year. That's heavy.

Jerry's is heavy. Jerry should have been in here. Jerry, why weren't Jerry in here? I don't know. I think it's going to be the summer next year. That's heavy. Jerry's is heavy. Jerry should have been in here. Jerry, why weren't you in here? You're part of the Yak when we have an empty seat. I forgot. You sit here, Nate. No, Jerry, you sit here. You sit next to Brandon.

Yep. I'm sorry, Jerry. That's my fault. You should have been in here. No, Jerry. No, but Jerry, when there's an empty seat, you're the next man up. Do a flyby every day at like 102 and just be like, okay. Yeah, just see.

You know what I mean? How's Pam Anderson's son? Who's that? The guy who was on Wish the Line. That was the guy who's Pam Anderson's son. Brandon Lee, yeah. Wow, I didn't know that. No, he's cool.

He's a really cool dude. Really nice guy. Wow. Cool guy. I thought he'd be more attractive for being Pam Anderson's son. Well, he's also Tommy Anderson's son. Brandon Lee, yeah. Wow, I didn't know that. No, he's cool. He's a really cool dude. Really nice guy. Wow. Cool guy. I thought he'd be more attractive for being Pam Anderson's son. Well, he's also Tommy Lee's son. You mad at me? You talking shit?

No, I'm asking you. Are you mad at me? Dog's talking shit. I mean, Brandon is talking shit on the dog's name. So what happened was you did your show and you talked shit. And I said, Mush, uh brandon's problem like i saw him in the hallway no like you will see people in the hallway or see me in the hallway and you won't say anything then you go on your show and you just talk shit i was like why didn't

he just say it to me what did i say what did i say oh you're saying like that the entire podcast is bad at poker and blah blah blah blah yeah okay so oh no i just didn't know where that came from like you you guys even know how to play poker it's just ball break you guys went out there and lost i i thought it was funny no i just asked most i was like what's his deal i mean i don't have a deal what seems like it's on your mind i think it's just general ball what like people say everyone on pick central sucks at gambling. Yes. Okay. Everybody on Unnecessary Roughness sucks at college football. You got mad at that? I asked Marty what your beef was with me because I just saw a clip of you talking shit, and

I was like, whoa, what's his beef with me? Oh, there's Glennie. Okay. Are we going to get a heads-up game between you and Brandon? That'd be a good idea. I don't know. I don't play poker. Brandon wouldn't do it.

Of course I wouldn't. I don't play poker. What about you and Owen? Oh, yeah. Owen said he's the best on the show. Owen. Of course I wouldn't. I don't play poker. What about you and Owen? Oh, yeah. Owen said he's the best on the show. Owen's getting... I did not drink tools, but... I should tell you this, dog, because I don't want you to think I'm talking shit on you.

I will invest in you. I've told you that. You have a lifetime investment from me. Said it last night, too, on the stream. Yep, because I don't want to ever be stuck in a spot where you win and I didn't invest in you. So you have a lifetime investment in the dog. I'm fully staking Owen next year. That's good.

Okay. I just want to let you know. How much money are you putting into this thing next year? Way too much. I'm pot committed. What if we hire a new poker guy? I'm pot committed. You should come out.

I'm pot committed. It's the same as a 50-50 raffle. I will go broke trying to win the World Series of Poker via proxy. Will you come out to Vegas? Probably not. Nate has a big win coming his way, and I want to be there when he gets it. No, like, Dan, I will apologize to you. You invested in me.

You don't have to apologize. And I fucked up. It's the game. I know the deal. I know the deal. It is what it is. The horse doesn't apologize to Bob Baffert after they lose. The only thing you'd have to apologize for me is if you weren't taking it seriously.

I know you were taking it seriously, so we're all good. And I know, listen, it's gambling. I'm gambling. I'm gambling when I invest in other people. So it is what it is. Yeah, no, it feels like shit. It's depressing. It's like the one thing I care about, and then I completely self-sabotaged and imploded and blew up.

What about Survivor? You care about Survivor. You have other things you care about. and then I completely self-sabotaged and imploded and blew up. What about Survivor? You care about Survivor. You have other things you care about. The television show? Yes. I mean, I like Survivor, but I spend my entire year looking forward to playing the main event and then played well enough for 10 hours and then imploded on one hand for no reason. Only one guy wins it, you know?

Yep. Jake Tool. I hope so. That's a guy? I hope so. The podcast co-host, the professional, he has... Why did I invest in him? Because he doesn't...

I think he's too rich. 80th in chips or something? Fuck. Yeah, no, he's going to win. All right. So no beef between you and Brandon? I would like Brandon to be a little nicer. Yeah.

I think we all would. He's a little surly. He doesn't... Surly, that's what I was wondering. If he was surly, Kurt, what was his thing? Or was he being snide? No, he wasn't being snide. Like, Brandon just doesn't, like, say what i was wondering if he was surly kurt what was his thing or was he being snide he no he wasn't like brennan just doesn't like say like good morning to people he doesn't like acknowledge you if you say unless you're nick this is supposed to be a friendly

environment yes friendly environment brennan you've come after jerry a lot did i say good morning to you this morning today yes but let me let me explain before the good morning was there a stare down oh yeah, yeah, we stare down every day. Yeah, so Brendan comes in, stares at everyone, doesn't say a word. And I'm starting to get, like, I'm getting a little nervous here, where I, you know what I mean? Like, when he starts to stare me down, like, Dave said

this is, like, such a friendly environment. You know, he sizes you up. Yeah. Am I better than you or not? Gets me nervous. You know what I mean? What do you think's gonna happen? I don't know, man. Brendan could do anything. He's a big guy. When you're the biggest guy, there's the onus on you to act first or whatever and be intimidating.

We have security now, Brandon. You can let your guards down. Jerry, how was the PGA? It was awesome. It really was. It really was cool. It's a real moment? It is. It really is. I would never imagine myself being on a private jet. But the whole experience was great.

The game was great. Okay, hey, listen, I got to do my show. I'll see you in the front. Where are you going? He has a show to do. Oh. Signs. All right, so no beef?

No beef. All right. Just want him to be a little more polite to people. Okay. To everybody across the board. Can you agree to that no beef? No beef. All right. Just want him to be a little more polite to people. Okay. To everybody across the board. Debra, can you agree to that, Brandon? No. Oh, okay.

Of course not. Because I'm not rude to people. I am polite to people. Your top, Stephen, rank the top three rudest people in the office. Top of your head. Rudest? Yeah. Intentionally rude.

Yeah. Because Frank also doesn't say how to be rude, but that's just kind of how? Yeah. Intentionally rude. Yeah. Because Frank also doesn't say how to be rude, but that's just kind of how... Yeah. He's not doing it to be rude. Yeah, his baseline demeanor is rude. I think Brandon certainly likes to push buttons. Yeah.

Who are the three rudest? I think Brandon is the kind. Rudy, number one. Yeah, Rudy. I say good morning. I say hello to you every time I see you, Steve. No, Rudy just because of his name. Yeah, I say hello to you every time I see you, Steve. We have a good relationship. I say hello to Owen every time.

Who are the top three Rudis, Steven? Give it to us. Give us a mock draft of your top ten Rudis. Jeez. Who's your first overall pick for Rudis? I think, let me reclassify that. The people who rub. Is it Brandon? The people who rub. Is it Brandon?

The people who rub people the most wrong would be, I think two of them are in the room. Sass and Brandon. I think they're sitting next to each other. Yeah, I think you're right. Nate and Brandon both rub people the wrong way. Yeah, that's true. Look at them. They're not even looking at each other.

They're two rudest dudes. The two rudest dudes are They're two rudest dudes. That is some rude-ass body language. I reclassified it. It's not rude because I actually have great relations with both of them. Well, I'm reclassifying it back to rude. Who do you not have a great relationship with? Third floor?

No, there was one guy on the third floor a while ago, but he's gone. Name his name. He's gone now. He knows who he is. Oh. Love it. Love it. Don't cross the chair.

All right, so Brandon Nader 1-2, depending on the week, rudest people in the office. I'm very not rude. You all know that's not right. You all know that's not right. What's the first thing I do when I get here? Good morning, Dan. You say good morning to Dan But not to people you think are below you

No, because Brandon That's the biggest piece of bullshit I've ever heard No, because Brandon messes with people below him But then he lets them know he was messing with them And that he likes them Yeah Oh, that's so big of him Oh, I like you, it's cool

No, it's cool I like you Oh, Brandon likes me Oh, thank God Why are we doing this? Who's the third rudest? It's cool. No, it's cool. I like you. Oh, Brandon likes me. Oh, thank God. Why are we doing this? Who's the third rudest? Just ball busting Brandon. Who's the third rudest, even?

Let's go family feud. Nate versus Brandon, head to head, rudest in the office. Okay, that's fair. All right. I don't want... Loser is the rudest. Or should it be winner is the rudest. Oh, but then they could throw it.

Yeah. Okay, yeah, loser's the rudest. Loser's the rudest. All right it be winners the rudest? Oh, but then they could throw it. Yeah. Okay, yeah, losers the rudest. Alright, here we go. So is the board clean so him and I don't count? What? So the board is clean and we have to do our top five? No, no, no. We're playing Family Feud. Like actually. Yeah. So two

different rounds. Who would like to go first? Two different rounds. He goes first. That's pretty rude of you. Classic Brandon. Two different rounds. Who would like to go first? Two different rounds. He goes first. He's the guest. That's pretty rude of you. Classic Brandon. Allowing the guy to go first is rude? Okay, Nate, you're up.

You're up, Nate. Family rude. You guys just say the answer. I'll say the questions out loud. Zah types. Here we go. Name something that just doesn't taste right without salt Eggs

Eggs Keep going Good answer It's not a good answer It's an awful answer Here comes the Rudolph Banter between Brandon and Nate is allowed during this game But it does

It will factor into how rude It can sway things at the end If one of them is much more rude Don't say Frank's poem Keep guessing though Keep guessing, though. Keep guessing. Keep going, Nate. Oh, I thought it was just...

No, no, no. Keep going. 35 seconds. Have you ever seen the fucking game show? Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken.

Good answer. That was very rude of Brandon, too. I'm a side. Steak. Steak. Good answer. That's a really good answer. Oh.

Depends on the color. French fries. French fries. Good answer. That actually is a good answer. French fries. Okay. Not very actually is a good answer French fries Okay not very rude Yeah

Oh boy Potatoes 15 seconds I thought eggs was Gonna be up there She got 90 You need to get at least One more answer

Oh boy Soup Beans dude Soup I don't know Old people do it Beans Alright

Soup Bad first round for Nate I didn't know I was supposed to In the Rudolph Rapid go. Chips. Oh, popcorn. Good answer.

Who is salting their own chips? Yeah, that's what. Yeah. Family root, Kim. All right, here we go. This is you again, Nate. Nate, you again. What?

Yes. No, you keep going. Yes. It's all one game. Jumping. Blank. Jacks. Nice.

Good answer. Hey, TJ, can you make it R-E-U-B? Jumping. Jumping blank. Jacks. Nice. Good answer. TJ, can you make it R-E-U-B? Jumping. Jumping. Jumping. You got it. You got it. I got nothing.

Jumping shoes. Jumping shoes. Brandon's smoldering. Okay, you got the bad one out of the way. Brandon hates me so much. He despises me. He hates himself. It's rude. He sees himself in the mirror when he of the way. Brandon hates me so much. He despises me. He hates himself. It's rude.

He sees himself in the mirror when he looks at you. 30 seconds. No, he just looks at stuff like wrestling. Focus up. And he has to be above people. There's an easy one here. I don't know. Jumping.

This is bad, Nate. This is bad. Jumping beans? No, what are those called? Jumping beans? Beans. Beans are good. Beans. Oh. Yes. Yes, you're ahead now. Jumping beans? Beans. Beans are good. Beans.

Oh. Yes. Yes, you're ahead now. Keep going. Get another one. You can create distance. Jumping. Rope, you dumb fuck.

Rope. That was rude. I mean, it was right, though. Rope. Rope and frog. Frog. All right. Round three. Nate, you're still alive. You're still alive. Oh, it was right, though. Rope. Rope and frog. Alright, round three. Nate, you're still

alive. You're still alive. Oh, you're in the lead. Okay, Nate. Come on, Nate. Who is the rudest in the office? There can only be one. And we're going to end the show with the rudest giving a acceptance speech. Alright, here we go.

Snow blank. Snow white. There we go. Good blank. Snow white. There we go. Good one. Snow flake. Yeah. Snow angel. Yeah. Oh. Wow. Snow

plow. That's good. I thought it was good. Sass is reading the comments to something. What is it? No, I was reading my email. Snow. Snow White Snow Flakes.

Snow. He considers email responses, comments. Snowball. Snowball. Good answer. Wow. Oh, I know. Shoes.

Shoes. Shoes. Man. All right, so you advanced, though. You advanced. So now you're in Fast Money. You know how Fast Money works,es? Man. All right, so you advanced, though. You advanced. So now you're in fast money. You know how fast money works, right? Yes.

You got to answer the number one question. I'll read them, and you just answer them as fast as you can. He does not want to be rude. Here we go. Fast money round. Name something a fly likes to land on. Light. Okay, good answer.

Good answer. I think they went on fire. Name an animal that can kill with its bite. Snake. Good answer. Cool. animal that can kill with its bite. Snake. Good answer. Cool. I was looking for shark. Name something that people hang up.

The phone. Okay, phone. Nice. We surveyed 100 single men. Name something you own that you hate versus other people playing around with. You hate to have other people playing around with. Name something you own that you hate. That's a long-ass question.

You got it. What do you hate other people playing with that's yours? Jesus Christ. Car? Car. I would have gone

with emotions. Or remote. Give me a word that rhymes with hustle. Bustle? Yeah. Nope. No, no, no, no.

There we go. You got it. All right. Let's see, Nate. Light. What? Name an animal that can kill with its bite. 38.

Snake. Number one. Name something people hang up. Phone. 59. Top answer. Car. 100 Superman.

Car. Top answer. Hustle. Bustles. Top answer. Wow. Oh, my God. What a score for Nate.

Brandon's looking rude today. He is looking extra rude. All right. 12-17. All right. How's that rank meeting? Pretty good, pretty good. Really good. Pretty good.

Now, Brandon's got to beat 12. What do flies land on? Shit, food, honey. Honey. And light. Light got zero. All right, the rude off continues. He's focused.

You can tell he is rude in his eyes. 12-17 is the score to beat. Loser has to give a rude acceptance speech. I'm not giving a rude acceptance speech. Is it on the podium? Exactly. I would expect that from a rude person like you. Unbelievable.

Every time it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are rude. Why you got to be so rude? All right, here we go Brando Going up against Mira Oh boy

Wow, she looks good Name something a man loves to spend time with Because it doesn't talk Oh, six answers is a lot Dog Nice, good answer Come on talk. Six answers is a lot. Dog. Nice. Good answer. Come on.

Come on. Car. He wants to say woman. She got the first and the third. He wants to say woman. So did you. So did you. You're in lockstep right now. Keep guessing.

Beer. Hell yeah. That's a fucking big dog shirt if I've ever seen one. Beer don't talk back Sports Sports is good Come on You're ahead of her Oh no she just got the second answer

TV Good answer That's good Good answer Boom Yes Let's go, Brandon. Finish.

Radio. You're not rude. I don't know. I already guessed it. Food. Not fast enough. I'm okay. I'm okay.

Book. Boat. Boat. My boat never talks. We're fine. We're in good shape. That only added up to 96. That's just not right. All right. My boat never talks back. We're fine. We're in good shape. That only added up to 96. That's just not right.

All right. Boats actually do talk to you if you listen. That didn't add to 100? That's true. That was bullshit. Name an animal that's easier to get off of than onto. A horse. Nice.

You like getting off on a horse, huh? Hell yes, brother. An elephant. Slept. Yes. Yes, Brandon. He says, I'm not rude today. A bull.

Not today. Yes, Brandon. Looking for the perfect inning. Giraffe. Giraffe. How would you want to get on a giraffe? Yeah. What's that last animal? What's you want to get on a giraffe? Yeah. What's that last animal?

What's that? What is that last thing? I would have gone with horse. Okay. That was number one answer. Is it the first answer? Is horse the first answer? That's just half paying attention.

Damn, these comments are fucking musty crack. Yeah. What else do you ride? A camel? Camel. Oh, camel. Good answer. Yes! Wow.? Camel. Oh, camel. Good answer. Yes!

Oh, no, Nate, how do you feel? You've got to be sweating a little bit. Are you feeling rude, Nate? I'm feeling very rude. Are you feeling rude? Oh, boy. You need this last round. I was going to say, Zod's typing has become tenfold.

Very, very good. It has become tenfold. Taking maybe six tenfolds now. In a place, a man spends a lot of time that starts with the letter B. A bar. Yeah. Brothel is not a good answer I don't think.

Oh, come on. Barn. Yes. You just added an N. Nope. Come on. Don't look at me. I actually don't know this. She is two and three N. Nope. Come on. Don't look at me. I actually don't know this.

She is two and three now. Okay. She's not even a man. She has no idea. I'm going down to the... I'm going down to the... Basement. Basement.

Come on, Seth. What the fuck was that? Basement. Bodega. That... No. It's definitely not bodega. Basement should have been it.

Man cave. I spent all my time in that. Bad cave. Most men are always in the bad cave. She's going to beat me. No, she's not going to beat me. Yes, she is. Billiard?

Beach. Beach, beach, beach, beach. It's the bathroom. Bathroom. It's got to be bathroom. It has to be bathroom. Backyard, bedroom, bathroom. Oh, my God.

Did Brandon lose? I think I'm okay. Because I was way ahead. Oh, barely. Let's get to it. Do you remember what your number was? 12, 17. 12, 17.

This is very important. Here we go. Name a cuddly animal a woman might nickname her man. Bear? Okay. Still got the bees in his head. Name something you've borrowed from a hotel room. Towel. Nice.

We asked 100 men, name a reason you might expect you're turning into Popeye. Come on. What? Popeye. Not even the man's name. Strong? Strength?

Oh, God. You're looking rude. That sounded rude. We will stand in front of a mirror to practice. Dancing, dancing, dancing. Oh, golf swing. Dancing. Golf swing.

Smile. Name something that turns a house guest into a house pest. Oh, no. Staying too long. Staying too long. Over, fuck. Oh, no. Staying too long. Staying too long. Overstaying. Staying too long. Wait, none of his answers.

Staying too long! No! No! No, he didn't get it in! None of those questions had one word answers. First! First!

Oh, my God! Oh! First. First. Oh, my God. Oh. Oversay. Oversay. No. No. If I. Oh, no.

Brandon's going to be the rudest. 12-17 is the score. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh! Rude!

Rude! Rude! Rude! Rude! He just stormed out. That was a perfect rude acceptance speech. He didn't accept it. All right, that's our show.

We'll see everyone tomorrow. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you. It's time to talk shop. Thank you.