The Yak - Will Donnie Survive His Swim Across The East River? | The Yak 8-2-21

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You should have guessed the flavor. You should have guessed the candy. No one would have gotten it. Give me the white one. I always like the white one. Saltwater taffy? I always like the white one. I've never seen taffy that looks like...

Give me the orange one. Give me one of these. No, this one looks good. Sometimes the split colors are good, too. What else? What other colors? Pink. Give me the pink.

Give me the pink. I'm strong in my masculine. What you got? You got yellow and pink there? I'm a girl dad. Hey, guys. I'm back. my masculinity. What you got? You got yellow and pink there? I'm a girl, dad. Hey, guys. I'm back. The yak.

Big Cat's back. I missed you guys. We needed you here. Great week. Thank you. You say that, I don't believe it. You guys are all very good. Oh, I was useless without you.

Well, I mean, Brandon barely even sticks around. Well, that makes sense. We were, like, trying to get him to play. We were playing. So I don't know if you watched. We played this Jackbox game. Do we have to do this again? We didn't ever talk about it.

We talked about it Friday when you weren't here. Sash, your haircut is throwing me off. What is with your hair right now? Why did you get a haircut? You look... It's all top. No older than 16. Because I just showered.

I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet. He washed off all the age. I don't know if I can handle it. I was replying to Brandon, not Big Cat. Grow your hair back, please. It'll come back quick. It grows fast. I didn't want them to take off that much, but they did.

There's nothing worse. Everybody's hair grows at the same speed, I think. No, that's not true. Have you ever seen a Greek guy? Yeah, yeah. I'm just talking regular white. You're talking about regular... I'm talking normal.

Yeah. Mixed Americans. I meant normal people. Mm-hmm. Not the Greeks. What did I miss? I missed you guys. Yeah.

Did you see I got in a fight with J-Lo stans for the entire day? That was really fucking funny. Who knew there were that many J-Lo fans out there? There's that many everything fans. I would have never guessed. Yeah, but, like, that many to everyone? No, she has shooters. And also, like, there's certain parts of Twitter that are just, once you hit into it, you're like, holy shit, this is a goldmine.

Because very few parts of Twitter still have that, like, ability to – they have no self-awareness. Like, I had people tweeting at me that were like, J-Lo, Stan, with a picture of J-Lo. And they're like, you're obsessed with them. Yeah. Well, how could you live your life like this? And their picture is, yeah. Yeah, it's J-Lo. What?

Once you get in, are you able to get out, though? I've gotten out, and I will get back in. I'll just say that right now. i will get back in i'll just say that right now i'll get back in i saw somebody was defending you like one of the stands called you a loser and then they called them a loser for having they're like oh you have an account dedicated to this one person blah blah blah they just quote tweet, yeah. It's fun. Whoa. What was that?

Steven fresh off making the worst looking pizza ever. Steven, your pizza was purple. Horrible. I thought it looked good. Disgusting. It was bad. I bet it tasted good. It was one of those pizzas that looked like it tasted good. I thought it looked really good.

Thank you, Brandon. But it doesn't look like it wasn't like you can't take a picture of that pizza and expect people to be like, damn, this looks really good. And Top Chef plating matters. Yeah. It does. Yeah. That was plated terribly. That doesn't no matter how.

It wasn't plated. It just came out of the oven. No, no. That could be the best pizza ever. It still starts at a seven if you're going Top Chef. Plating wise, you get knocked down three points right away. That's just a fact. You want to get that up?

Now I'm eating some salt water taffy. The sauce was the worst thing that we could be eating. I want another one, but I don't want gummy tummy. Because I'll get so sick. You get gum tummy? I get gummy tummy. You want to ever eat sweet, sweet candy. What's worse?

Gummy tummy or cummy tummy? It's a tie. Cummy feet are the worst. Okay, sweet candy. Gummy tummy or cummy tummy? It's a tie. Cummy feet are the worst. Never mind. I must have seen a different pizza. That looks like mold infestation. I don't know what is going on. What sauce did you use? I make my own sauce.

That looks like a tumor that was removed from a blood bladder. That looks like a Salvador Dali clock. Aside from the crust, sauce, and cheese, I can see how it would be. I can get down with that. Why are the cheeses different colors?

Yeah, that's something. Because you burn the top a little bit on purpose. You burned a lot of the sauce. The sauce is straight up burnt. Did you cook the sauce first and then put it on the pizza? You're laughing, but I know this hurts your feelings. Why is the crust not cooked? No, I was going to say the crust looks good.

No, look at this crust down here. This crust down here isn't even formed. This shit sucks. Steven, you're going to have to cook us a pizza this time. I'm surprised you didn't get more hate on it, because usually food Twitter goes crazy if they see something you don't like. Yeah, they go bananas. Not pizza, though. Pizza guys are chill.

Yeah, pizza guys are chill. What is this, Chad? That's the one I saw. This is from 238 weeks ago. I don't take pictures of the food that I cook. That's like 14 years. That's the one I saw. One comment from a nude man.

Damn, son. Click on him. Who's the nude man? That's my buddy Brandon. He's a personal trainer. Good God. Brandon, go on him. Who's the nude man? That's my buddy Brandon. He's a personal trainer. Good God. Brandon, go to him. There he is.

That pizza looks like you threw a pizza against a window, and that's what ended up happening. Yeah. God damn it. This one? Yeah. Dude, that's a good pizza. The shape sucks, but it looks delicious.

That looks good. You know what a circle looks like? It's not that easy to do. I mean, I could put a bowl on top, but I like to maximize the dough. So was this your best pizza 238 weeks ago? It's the last pizza I took a photo of that I made. I make pizza probably about once a month. How do you maximize the dough?

You don't. Because, I mean, if I made a circle, you put a bowl over it and you cut out the edges. Tell him how to fucking maximize the dough. Maximize the dough. You're a pizza thrower, right? Yeah. Making the circle is actually very easy. It's not very difficult.

And you definitely don't put it in a bowl and cut off the edges or whatever the hell you were just talking about. Whoa. There it is. There it is. There it is. Sass, I wanted to wait for Big Cat to come back to bring this up. Show us your wallet. Oh, I don't have it. Oh, no.

Oh, no, I saw it. It is the biggest wallet I've ever seen. Sass, by the way, congrats on winning 19-year-old of the year. Yeah, I was very happy about that. So happy. I tweeted about it. You tweeted from your alt account? No, I tweeted about it originally, and then everyone was like,

dude, he said not to spoil it for everyone else, so I deleted it. Ah. You're ashamed. It's fine. I'm not ashamed? Yeah. You're ashamed. My ears have been clogged.

Oh, no. Too much Lala? Too much Delta variant. Dude, the people. Coursing through my veins. The people who tweet the pictures of Lala. Too much Delta variant. Dude, the people- Coursing through my veins. The people who tweet the pictures of Lala being like, what's this new strain going to be called, are the biggest losers in the world. They literally just want to stay inside for the rest of their lives and not let anyone have fun. I just don't get the idea of if you get vaccinated, you still should stay inside. Right. Text people who didn't get back.

Right. It's like then they get vaccinated. Yeah, I did it. As soon as I don't care about someone who like if it's their choice to not get vaccinated, I'm not going to live inside forever to get it again. The chances of me dying are very, very low. I will take that risk. There's literally like there's literally like news articles, people saying that like like like almost every single person in the emergency room for COVID right now is people who haven't been vaccinated right how how was laura did you guys go

no no yeah what was the picture is they were crazy yeah it was like one girl in a mask in the front and everyone else was in there like this is going to be in history books yeah right i saw another another 12 it's like punk wow. Way to another 12. It's like Punxsutawney film. Like another 12 months of lockdown. Yeah. And they're just, those people will just exist for the rest of the time. These people should be tried for murder. For the rest of their time.

Yeah. They are going to sit and be just losers and miserable and be like, the only thing they have left is to feel better than anyone who's going and living their life. Yeah. I mean, it's tough. Like if you weren't mentally able to like like, go out and enjoy things with people, and then it became like you were a hero for not doing that. Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. And now you're not a hero anymore. You lost heroism. The introvert extroverts. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That is a good point.

Yeah. So how was the concert that you went to? It was good. Who'd you see? Dermot Kennedy. Okay. Where? It's fine.

Okay. Aragon Ballroom. Yep. Yep. Okay. And you guys drove Dermot Kennedy. Okay. Where? It's fine. Aragon Ballroom. Yep. Yep. Okay. And you guys drove to Chicago. Yeah, so we didn't plan it that well. That's a shitty drive.

Yeah, it was like- Pennsylvania just goes forever. It's horrible. So bad. Then you're in Ohio. Yeah. I was talking about the way back, but yeah. Yeah. Either one.

Either way. I guess he at least has mountains. Yeah, but it just feels like you just came in the middle of Pennsylvania and you're like, all right, we still got so many hours to go. No, it's bad. Yeah, we stopped in, where did we stop last night? Lewisburg? Harrisburg?

I don't remember. That stretch of 80 is no man's land. We got McDonald's at like 10 p.m. and it was drive-thru only, so we ate outside and it just smelled like horse shit. Yeah. It was like fog. Oh, yeah. It was crazy.

Did you guys pass through Shartsville? There's a town called Shartsville, Pennsylvania. Steven, try to keep it appropriate. I believe it's Shartlesville, right? Shartsville. Is it Shartsville? I thought it was Shartsville. Maybe it's Shartlesville.

Oh, in Shartsville. Either way is fine. Brandon, how you doing? I'm doing very good, Dan. Thank you very much. I appreciate you asking. It's good to see you back. It's great to be back.

It's good to have you back. I'm not going to be here on Thursday and Friday. Sorry. Yeah, we're out Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I'm going. Let's get the band back together, boys. Yeah. Your boy over here is going on a bachelor party, which I am not ready for.

Mentally, physically. You are going on a bachelor party. Yeah. You should bring me and Seth. Yeah, can we come? You'll bring bachelors. I'm going to be probably doing some things. Yeah.

I don't think I'm physically up for it. As an older guy, are you excited about that? I'm excited for the first night and then nothing afterwards. Yeah. How many nights is it? Three. Oh, my word nights is it? Three. Oh, my word. That's a lot.

I'm already thinking about changing my flight to come back Saturday. That's a lot for a young man. Yeah. No, I'm – there's a lot of dads, though, so I'm hoping that it may be – All right, so this is going to be activities like golfing or hiking or something? Yeah, water. It's going to be – it's on a river. Water.

Water. Water. Yeah, we're going to be doing a lot of water. Splashing around with the fellas Splash hurrah Are you gonna dunk and splash? Yeah Is there a pontoon involved?

Yeah, pontoon is gonna be involved Tubin, not really tubin on a pontoon Jeffrey Tubin You guys are gonna just watch each other Greatest apology ever Yeah He won a couple takeys And his apology, I went back and read it You guys are going to just watch each other. Greatest apology ever. Yeah, yeah. He won a couple takeys in his apology.

I went back and read it, and he said that he was working on himself. He was in therapy. He worked at a food bank, and he's working on a new book. How that has anything to do with apologizing for jerking off in your co-worker's face. Being like, I'm making a book. It would be... If the book looked like a notes app, it'd be good. Would you want Jeffrey Toobin to be holding you your food, handing you your food with his hands? Right.

His cummy hands. Now I'll just starve. But like a book, yeah, the book's just going to make him... It would be like if I jerked off in everyone's face here and then had a suspension. And then was like, I've been working on some parlays. Bettering myself. You know, things of that nature. A suspension for a chronic masturbator is paradise. Yes, that's true.

That's a good point. Yeah, you're going to have to stay home. Think about what you did. All right. think about what you did alright oh man has he been accepted by like the general public I think so he should be shunned I think that move is just a lifetime of shunning

worthy yeah masturbating to your co-workers, yeah, you're done. Yeah. Maybe not legally. I'm not saying jail, but you should not be respected ever again. You should not have coworkers.

Exactly. I don't think we had any forerunners to write the rules of Zoom for us. We were all thrown into Zoom. You don't beat off on Zoom. But they never told you that. They never told you that. I'm sorry, I didn't know this was...

Brandon's kind of right. Yeah, he is. He's a better legal mind than Jeffrey Toobin. It was the wild west of Zoom, and people were having to test the boundaries, and he had to jerk off. Lego barstool. How about a Jeffrey Toobin creation? Let's get the animation.

He's been delving into sexualizing our employees. Make his Lego dick bigger than his Lego butt. Oh, yeah. Oh, the butt chug. His best work. Mm-hmm. There's a funnel Lego butt. Oh, yeah. Oh, the butt chug. His best work. There's a funnel Lego piece. That's a huge funnel compared to the size of a man. It might be a golf tee.

Is that a traffic cone? Oh, how was... We got to get Glennie in here. We got to get the final... This was it, right? This was a swan song for the Jersey Shore boys? No, I think Jeff and Glennie are going back down next weekend. Really? Yeah.

I've been making Jeff not happy because I've been saying the free Trista Crick. He's not happy with me. He's a data guy and the video. The algorithm. The dislike. I'm a storyline guy. I'm a storyline guy.

I don't get YouTube. Is that bad for monetization? I don't think so. I think you for monetization? I don't think so. I think you get less money if it's disliked. Okay. I thought it was just future. Does it affect future videos, though? I don't think so. Like this video. When does

Rome come back? Next week, I think. It better be back next week. Otherwise, we're going to have, am I co-hosting? No, never. What? I would do a solo show. Fuck.

No, I think he's back next week. No, I don't think so. No, he is. Oh, next Thursday, yeah, we have our live event. Oh, wow, that's coming up quick. Yeah. We've decided on a contest we'll talk after. Oh, can I do Tommy Walker Day this week?

Yes. Okay, yeah, yeah. We should get the contest going just so people can plan their flights, especially if they're from international places. Yeah, you should do it when we're not here. Who do you have coming? You have to be here for Tommy Walker Day.

I mean, it's heads in fucking Brazil or like Malaysia. Bangladesh yak heads. They need to be here for a time i mean it's heads in fucking brazil or like bangladesh they need to be prepared to make their fucking flight itinerary what is the con i don't know what it is what we're doing a contest contest for tickets oh yeah what do we what do we decide we have the we have the we should just have it be like if whoever gets the tickets gets to go no because that's the problem we can do a silent auction we have we have the number. Maybe we should just have it be like if whoever gets the tickets gets to go. No, because that's the problem. We could do a silent auction.

We have the finite number of people that were allowed in the space. It's not a big place. It's not a big place. So what's the number? It's like 75. It's 70 total, but there's two separate areas. There's like an inside, which I think is 20, and there's an outside, which is 50. So we'll have to run a contest on the Yak social in the next day or two.

So how many total? 70. I thought it was like 100. 30 men, 30 women, 10 non-Bs. 10 non-Bs. And if there's a single one not wearing a mask, I will not perform. Actually, we should break it up even more.

It should be 20 dudes, 10 betas, 10 flat colossals. Are there anyone who's publicly a flat colossal? There's got to be. 20 busty petites. I want some bound people. I want some people on wheels. You should just do a full fifth grade class.

And a field trip. One field trip. They think they're going to watch Ski Ball and nothing more. And then Steve Clitt. Steve Clitt. Steve Clitt will be there. Steve Clitt will be there. Fuck yeah.

Where are you guys going this week? Do you have another? We're going to Michigan. Oh, for what? We're going to Michigan. Oh, for what? We're going to run back the Great Lakes region. Oh, that's right. Great Lakes in summer. So you guys are gone for a week and a half?

That's going to be beautiful. When do we get back? Is that just you guys or is it Donnie too? It's Donnie as well. Can we say who else? By the way, we've got to get – And it's White Sox Day. White Sox Day is on this trip.

He's going to be incredible. I know. We already know what's going to happen. He doesn't. Him not understanding what a players' union is was so great. Yeah. Like, you're supposed to protect the players, and he was doing an investigation.

He was going like Sherlock Holmes. It was taking him 12 hours, too. But, like, the players' union is supposed to be on. You have real hatred for him. I really do. I understand that, but he's the best. He is the best. Wait, why don't you like him?

I have hatred for that, for what he did last week with the Trista thing. He kept calling people like six and seven times doing this investigation. Are you serious? Yes. But that's why he was hired, to be the player's ref. No, I guess it works. He always posts his dog on his Instagram story with the how cute, and I always vote the very minimum, so if everybody could start doing that.

Yeah. his Instagram story with the how cute and I always vote the very minimum so if everybody could start doing that. Oh did we get the the mascot? Yes. Okay. So there's a there's a restaurant in my hometown Can we pull up the Instagram?

that Nico's dad is part owner. It's called Alpha and they have this new big meaty bull mascot and they said what should his name be? And Nico

is the new name of the mascot. Fuck yes. I don't get, who are we, who would, who's getting offended by this? Nico does not want that.

And Nico's dad is embarrassed. Well, the vote is, Nico doesn't really have a choice. Nico doesn't have a choice. Let's see how the, let's see how the comments went. Yeah,

I think it was just us. It's got like 13 comments. I think like seven Nicos. I'm surprised nobody picked up on it. Nobody that follows us like picked up on it at all how would they see it there's like a hundred people i don't know how to timeline i had to tell katie yeah there's the new mascot nico i don't get it is it a mechanical bull or just a fucking mascot i think they're gonna start implementing bull themed things there oh wow Son of a boy dad.

Oh, yeah. Bet the horses loves eating at the Alpha. Sass, did you not? No, Sass. No, Sass. He ignored it. He doesn't. Too cool for school, I guess.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. I have less followers than Sass, so he doesn't see me as a human. Don't take it personally. He just doesn't respect any of you. Damn. I forget why.

At all. That's tough. I've been really bad with my phone recently. Oh, yeah. You're always on it. No, I know, but I'll read a text, and then I'll be like, I'll reply to that in a minute, and then I never reply. Because you think you're more important.

That's not being bad with your phone. You need an assistant. Actually, yes, you do. You need an assistant. And I'll do it. Yeah, you're that level now. It's not like bad with your phone. You need an assistant. Actually, yes, you do. You need an assistant. And I'll do it. Yeah, you're that level now. It's not like that at all. It's exactly like that.

I think it's just pure laziness. What I was going to say was we need to get some type of swimming competition for Donnie because he is just itching for it. He said he could swim across the Hudson. So he said he could swim across the Hudson. He also has multiple times been like, hey, if you want to do a treading water challenge, I'm game. And I was like, well, we don't. And then he's had a tweet the other day.

He's like, I'm pretty sure I'd be top five in the office if we did a swimming competition. What has he done? He does nonstop barks about his swimming. We need to get him in a pool. He can swim. I have seen it. Is it Wonton Don or Chef Don? Wonton.

Yeah, right. That's the thing. This guy is not going to rest until he beats someone in swimming. Yeah, somebody replied Vibs, and he took great offense at that. So we got to get him in the swimming pool. He's very proud about his swimming. Swimming, yeah. Well, he has a new line of trunks out, too.

Oh, yeah, the hippo mode. Those are nice. They are sick. But we got to get him in a pool. Every time I look at the East River from its widest angles, I say, no way. has a new line of trunks out too oh yeah the hippo mode those are nice sick but we gotta get him in a pool every time i look at the east river from like its widest angles i say no way no do you say east river the tides the currents hudson twice and just the size it's big i don't know he could i don't have any frame of reference there's a lot of boats in the east river hudson's a mile wide right isn't the george washington bridge i don't think it's a lot of boats in the East River. Hudson's a mile wide, right? Isn't the George Washington Bridge at least? I don't think it's a mile wide

everywhere. I think the Williamsburg Bridge is about a mile. Yeah, but how much is that? Every river starts as a creek. I don't know how much. He's going up to Upper Canada to do this? Yeah. You can find the mountain. He can just hop over the river. Yeah, he could jump it. Yeah.

When I did the tread water challenge last year, he told me that he could tread water for at least an hour. that's what yeah he told me that i was like okay that's just like that would be the worst video ever too you know i also at my 60 year old dad said he did it for like 45 minutes but treading water uh like treading water is like it's like a hard work but it's also the least relatable skill. Unless your boat capsizes, you'll never need it. Ever. Right? Yeah. You really don't need it.

Unless you want to play water polo, sure. But even water polo, you're swimming. But if your boat capsizes, why are you treading instead of swimming? Yeah, that's true. Hoping that someone comes to pick you up. The only purpose to tread is to tread. Right. And it's also the worst.

We've done the video. It was terrible. It was short. It was short. You kind of saved the video. It would have been so much more whack if it was long. Company guy.

I mean, I think realistically, he could probably make it across the Hudson, but it would probably just take him a long ass time. Well, we got to try it. We need to get it. It's hard. I think. How wide is the Hudson, but it would probably just take him a long ass time. Well, we gotta try it. We need to get it. It's hard. I think. How wide is the Hudson?

Is he allowed to? You could just back... You don't want to swim in the Hudson. Dude, imagine if you got hit by a boat and you just were watching and were like,

oh. There's nothing we can do. Swimming in the... You're just torn up by a propeller. Or Bailey Carlin on a kayak. Yeah, I hope he's out there. Swimming in the Hudson

is not good for you. I was watching people kayak in the Hudson. They had no fun. It's not fun. Kayaking, no. I think the first two minutes. Kayaking would be more fun if you didn't get wet. You don't expect to get wet. You need to go down rapids.

Or you're just working out. I don't know. Every time I've kayaked, I don't expect to get wet, But then I leave And my pants are soaking wet And my arms are all soaking wet Is Donnie here today? I don't think so

I haven't seen him He's currently swimming across the Hudson Yeah What's the record for like Swimming across the Hudson? Everyone that doesn't get it Well it depends on where you are Manhattan

Four minutes Up in the attic I don't know Who would have that answer? I ask TJ. TJ. TJ always knows. You think there's a competition?

Somebody has a record. Yeah. Well, Donnie should get it. But again, you're right. There are many areas in the Hudson that are narrow and wide. Boat traffic can't see you, so it's too dangerous. Can we pull up the video of the girl jumping in the Hudson on TikTok? Right in front of the Statue of Liberty.

That was gross. Isn't that in the east? This guy swam. Oh, they combined, I guess. That's the harbor at that point, right? This guy swam the Hudson all the way around Manhattan. Took him eight hours.

So that's what Donnie has to do. That's like wildly impressive. That seems very short. Swimming around Manhattan, eight hours? Yeah, I couldn't walk. That doesn't sound right. I couldn't walk. Was he an Olympian?

I walked to work today and it took me two and a half. He appears to be like a 75-year-old man. It's always old-ass, man. It's always old-ass man. It's an old-ass man. Are you ready to watch? Ugh. Gross. Nobody does that.

I mean, that's... There are people... There are kids... Look at the water. Look at the water change. It's terrible. And there are people that will be wading in the water by the beach there. It's gross.

When that went viral, there was marine bi, marine biologists, like, defending it. Really? So you don't get, like, sicker. It has gotten cleaner. But it looks gross. That's like when there was the dolphins in, or maybe it was a whale in the East River, and people were replying, like, it's too cold. Marine biologists here.

It's too cold for these whales. So someone help it. It's like, no, that's what. Whales live in fucking Antarctica. It was like in January and there was a whale sighting in the East River and people were actually replying like, oh my God, save these whales.

It's probably too cold. Oh, idiots. Yeah. Idiots. Marine biologists are loud as hell on Twitter. Yeah. Someone needs to stop. How many of them are there? They're always defending their craft. Mm-hmm.

Steven, what is this other question? Oh, my God. Oh, I didn't get one. Tell the story of your most satisfying dump you've ever had that you can recall. What male in the office has the least amount of armpit hair? Which cock would you suck for good?

What are these questions? I thought you guys liked questions that you can talk about. The question is, what cock would you want to suck the least? That's not a question on the prop sheet. Ah. Ugh. How old is too old to wear a basketball jersey

no undershirt to the beach? I think a basketball jersey is okay at the beach. Any town outside of the beach. Yeah. It's just basketball jerseys and Hawaiian shirts are just fat guys going topless. There's no difference. That's a halfway point for him. It's what we have to do to.

If you're not fat, I think you should stop wearing jerseys. I agree with you. Yeah, and Hawaiian shirts too because it is appropriating culture. Like I can't take my shirt off, so instead I wear a Hawaiian shirt so everyone's like, oh, he's kind of at the beach. Yeah, in spirit. Yeah, right. He's here a little bit.

He's not wearing a T-shirt, so he gave it a try. That's what I have to do. I remember I went to a pool party in Vegas for like for a barstool a couple of years ago and I had to rock a wine. Everyone was like, you can take your shirt off. I'm like, it is. Yeah. We're in Hawaii.

This is as far as it goes. I have all my buttons. This is me at the pool. You had all the buttons undone? Yeah. Shirtless. That is shirtless show me the shirt

you can see what do you mean that's you defending yeah yeah right show me the shirt you can see my belly button it's fine

yeah right exactly I'd argue some v-necks this v-necks Che wore that other day he was shirtless if you're all the way unbuttoned though

isn't that just drawing attention to the barrel yeah but it's kind of like like like girls do it too the coverall He was shirtless. If you're all the way unbuttoned, though, isn't that just drawing attention to the barrel? Yeah, but it's kind of like girls do it, too. The coverall, which is always a sneaky thing they do at the beach. It's unbuttoned, but it kind of overlaps. Coverall? Coverall?

Is it coverall or coverup? I think it's called coverup. What's a coverall? It's an overall coverup. What's a coverall? I've never even heard that come out of someone's mouth. Donnie just said he would do the East River first. I said, can you swim across the Hudson? He said, yes, we'll do the East River first, though.

And I said, okay, great. Same day? All right. Same day he's doing both? I don't know. So is the East River the warm-up for the Hudson, or does he need to see that he can survive? I would love to see this.

Coverall is a high-gloss aerosol tire and interior dressing. Of course it is. That's what I meant, obviously. When girls wear... Spray that on them. Who do we got here? That's Ken Golden from Golden Auctions. We're doing a card rip today.

Oh, nice. Pack rip is what they call it. I want a card. You can come and watch. All right. Oh, Frank touched a Honus Wagner card this weekend. I did too, yeah. Is that video of Frank just getting swarmed at that baseball game?

It's so good. Everyone there knew him. It was crazy. He's the king of everywhere he goes. Yeah. That's why he should start wearing a mask so people don't recognize him. Well, he's growing the beard out. Is he?

Yeah. Nice. Are they back? No, I think they just finished their trip. I know they were at Wrigley on Thursday. They went to Comiskey, too, or whatever Comiskey's called now? Yeah. Guaranteed rate.

Yeah. I think, yeah, guaranteed rate. But, yeah, look at him. I love, too, that he wore the Jordan jersey. Like, that's the guy. His thumb's going to have a six-pack by the end of this trip. That's the kind of guy Frank is. Yeah, look at him.

He's like Trump. He's just looking at all angles. Up and down. The A.J. Pierzynski. It's actually genius of Frank to do it that way, because it's like you can just keep moving. Just thumbs up. Oh, my God.

Frank, we're huge fans. Love this. Thumbs ready. Yeah. He's struggling to hold that up. Dude, that thumb is like kind of aggressive. He's kind of pointing it at the person. Yeah, it's a thumbs up at all. But it's been a long

day. It's starting to droop. These poor a long day. It's starting to droop. These fools thinking they could ask Frank open-ended questions. Stick to the yes or no's, boys. Yeah, no, when Frank was going to Chicago, I was like, let me know what day you want to go to the Cubs game.

I'll get you tickets. And he's like like that sounds good yeah all right cool good talk frank there's the man there's the swimmer there he is all right look he's got a pep in his step he's never walked this athletically he knows donnie um i brought up the fact that we need to get you in a swimming competition because i can just tell you sit over there you're itching for it you were it you in a swimming competition because I can just tell you're itching for it. You were itching for a swimming competition. You've talked to me about treading water.

I saw your tweet the other day. We have to get you in some type of physical challenge that involves swimming. Yeah, I'd like to swim Brooklyn to Manhattan. But the thing is, I'd have to find some charity to raise money for them. No. No. No. I don't think so.

I think you just got to do it. Makes it less funny. I also think there's a chance you might get hit by a boat. In the Hudson, for sure. In the East River, for sure. I could dodge those. Dude, there are like enormous, enormous barges that go up the East River. Yeah, so

I would need someone in like a safety kayak. I think that's bullshit. I think just legally. I don't think legally you allow to swim across. What happens when a boat runs you over? Yeah. It's like getting thrown through a blender.

I think you should have to do the whole thing you could just push off if my head you could just push off of it I think you can if you just dive underneath you'll be okay you just hold your breath for like 5 seconds

any video of boats crashing into each other are usually really funny how did that happen? There's so much ocean. East River. Can we do it in August? Yeah. You said you could also tread for an hour.

For sure. That wouldn't be hard at all. You're too confident about that. I think I could out-tread the whole yak. If you guys could sub in for each other. That's also the worst You're too confident about that. I think I could out-tread the whole yak. Like, if you guys could sub in for each other. That's also the worst video ever. Yeah, that would be horribly boring. Like, swimming to Brooklyn and Manhattan.

That would be an awesome video. What about Manhattan to Brooklyn and we go to our event? Oh. Next Thursday. Yeah, Don, you just come soaking wet. Or dead. That would be a real bummer at our event if you died. It's called wet or dead. There's only two options.

Someone who has a kayak or a small dinghy type of boat in the East River that is willing to escort you. Yeah, that's just there. So, like, if something horrible happened. I agree with you there. Then you guys could be like, well, you know, we have the safety guy. To film. Yes. Yeah.

We need someone to live stream it. All right, so we need someone with a boat in the East River. Yeah. You can get a free ticket to the show. We want to. We're just cutting into the 70 just like that? Yep, that's it. An hour.

That's it. We're at 69. Free ticket to the show next thursday let's say around like six o'clock we want donnie to swim from manhattan to brooklyn and that's how we'll get to the show wait six o'clock the show starts at seven okay yeah maybe i should uh four o'clock yeah yeah shit i think i'm guessing uh what time does the show start i think it's uh eight o'clock. Oh. At least we have all our details down. Oopsies.

Damn. Sorry, I won't be there early. How long do you think you need? We should expand the capacity. The East River I could do in like 20 minutes, I feel like. You can't do the East River in 20 minutes. There's like tides and currents. 20 minutes? Yeah, the current.

Yeah, the current. So I'm going to have to like read a current chart if they even make those. Can you pull up a current chart real quick, TJ? If I jump in here, I'll be pushed down to this point. Yeah, you're probably going to have to start upstream to land at Williamsburg. And if anyone has a dry suit, that'd be sweet. Those are those suits. A lot of demand.

So the Williamsburg Bridge looks like it's on the narrowest part. So maybe we don't do that? Yeah. Is that where you want to do it? Yeah, yeah. I think that would work. I could do the Brooklyn Bridge. That's the easiest part right there, Don.

Yeah. I mean, I'm not the one who is saying it's going to be hard. The Hudson would be a little tough. Why would the Hudson be more tough? Because it's like six times as wide oh wow yeah um i mean yeah i think i think as long as i don't swallow any of the water then i'd be gucci be very hard not to swallow at least a little bit a little bit yeah see so if i die i think it's from swallowing so you'll think it'll be like. You'll get some sort of cancer and it'll be a gradual decline.

Is there some sort of filter? Yeah, so it'll be a slow burn. But yeah, I was looking online. They used to do something called the Brooklyn Bridge Swim where just like 400 people would all get together and swim it for fun. Well, those are people who would probably swim a lot. Donnie, you're out of breath right now. Are any of them alive?

I'm not a land mammal. I'm an aquatic mammal. I get winded easily on land. I can go for days in the water. What's the longest you ever swam without touching the ground? I've probably done an hour. What would call for that, though? One to two hours.

I swam across a huge lake once that might be it see that's like i know i won't sink because like i can stay afloat by just like doing nothing in the water yeah if you just like if you just know how to breathe right and don't panic you won't drown which is why i'm like i'm shocked that so how do people drown then they freak out. They panic. Or they don't know how to swim. Yeah.

There was a dude who jumped off a bridge in Hank's hometown the other day. It was like a four-foot bridge, and he drowned, sadly. Jesus. It was the hottest day of the year, and he was landscaping, and I think he was so hot that he was just like, you know what? I need to take a dip, and it never even crossed his hot that he was just like you know what i need to like i need to take a dip and it never even crossed his mind once that he just doesn't know how to swim jesus my god where's this where's this event steven can you text it to me are olives fruits

yeah all right so next thursday are you up for it next thursday what's the date? Is that the 12th? 11th? 12th? Yeah. I don't know when or where the show is. Nick? Or what time. Yeah, that's the 12th. Did you get out of this one? I did not even know

you guys were doing a show. Yeah, we haven't really talked. Yeah, we've kept the live show under wraps, which is probably a bad idea. No. It's a need-to-know basis. It's kind of underground.

When do we get back from our trip, Donnie? Are we going to be back? Yeah, we're back on the 10th. Oh, hell yeah. Word. Did you text me, Steven? All right, so we need a boat. That's all we need.

We need a boat. I think there is a chance that I'm halfway there, and then a police boat comes out, and it's like, you're not supposed to be swimming in the river. But I don't think I would get like arrested per se. I think they would just be like, what are you doing? You can't do this. Yeah. And then we'd be like, well, this is Barstool Big Cat. Yeah.

He can do anything he wants. We have the king of New York with us. So say if a police boat pulls up to me and he goes, that's going to be like a $200 fine for swimming in the river. Would the yak cover it? Yes. I'd say the yak will cover all fines up to $500. All right. That's fair.

So you could even do it naked. Yeah. That would be cool if you did it naked. It would be sick. No, I'm not. To the Potomac naked. Yeah. All right.

So yeah, actually. The last common man, really. So if you do it right by the Williamsburg Bridge, like, we can then walk to the bar. Yeah. So we'll take a boat. We'll follow you. And then we'll get off in Williamsburg and then we'll walk to the live event. And we'll live stream the whole thing. Yeah.

That'll be hilarious. That'll actually be super fun. I'm in. I'm in. Generally speaking, it's illegal to swim in the Hudson and East. Generally speaking. Okay. Let's not read anymore.

Yeah, that's all we need. Let's not dive deeper. How do you not interfere with boat traffic if there is, in fact, boat traffic? I think we're just going to have to stand on one shore and look and see if we see a lot of boats coming. And then if not, be like, all right, let's go. Yeah, but Donnie, it's going to take you 20 to 30 minutes to cross. Boats could show up in that time. The key part is we need someone to have a boat that we can board.

And then can we just buy out one of the ferries? No, but you could rent a boat in Jersey City and take that over there. Do you think our listeners or viewers, I don't think they're boat owners. Absolutely not. Some of them have a lot of boat owners. No, but here's the thing. They're not boat owners, but they're aspiring boat owners. So someone's going to do something stupid to get a boat.

They just steal a boat, and then we'll be in a boat. We don't care how the boat is. They're not going to know how to drive the boat. That's fine. I have my boater's license. The boat may not legally be obtained, but we don't care how the boat They're not going to know How to drive the boat Yeah That's fine I got my boaters license The boat may not Legally be obtained But we don't care

We just want to ask questions We just need the boat Yeah we just need the boat Like I can definitely see Someone stealing a boat On our back That would be awesome

We're on our way to the show We just get arrested Yeah just be like Hey dude I don't see any keys To this boat There isn't any Don't worry about it

It was just right here Do we have any swimmers In this office No We don't Not any keys to this boat. There isn't any. Don't worry about it. It was just right here. Do we have any swimmers in this office? No, we don't. Not a single swimmer. Not a single swimmer. Any survivalists? Captain Cons.

Captain Cons claims he's very good at swimming, too. He claims he's one of the best in the office. Swimming is such a stupid sport. It really is. It's just stupid. I don't know. I kind of agree. When you're just swimming in a pool,

laps back and forth, that gets boring. That's why I like to mix it up. Swimming is really fun, though. It's a very fun activity, but as a sport is when it gets very warm. What are you talking about? He's not swimming. What the fuck did he do he just frantically

sprinted to the bathroom you're talking about playing in a pool just being in water he has gummy tummy a pool is a lot of fun like actually being like okay now I'm going to go swim

you're never like we yeah like this is sick no I like hate like I'm like for some reason the idea of swimming

I don't like but then every time I start I get in the water and I'm swimming I'm like the idea of swimming I don't like But then every time I start, I get in the water And I'm swimming, I'm like, I feel like a little kid But you're usually not swimming though You're just playing in the water Yeah, you're jumping in Yeah, you're not actually swimming That's like the difference between playing basketball

Or just running Running sucks Swimming is just a dumb thing Did Brandon like shit his pants? What the hell just happened with Brandon? Running sucks. Yeah. Swimming is just a dumb thing. Did Brandon shit his pants? What the hell just happened with Brandon? Oh, man. Someone probably touched his Chick-fil-A.

Did he throw up? All right, I'm excited for this, Donnie. I am, too. What the hell just happened with you? I'm going to the Great Lakes with KB and Nick, so I'll make sure to swim a bunch up there. Now, if you die. Don't tire yourself out. If you do die. We still have to do the show. Yeah, and are we getting any blame?

Like, you wanted to do this. No, you guys will not get blamed. I honestly think the very, very worst thing that happens is I get arrested, maybe. You're not. No, I don't think they would arrest me. You could die. I'm just swimming. Yeah, you could die.

If we have, but that's the whole point of the boat. Do you want to propped up yeah but what if a big barge comes we're not gonna be like hey we got this little boat like you can't come well we will have if you're gonna be like we're gonna have to be like how fast can a barge stop they're like they're like trains they can't they have to take some a while like there are big massive boat is coming Donnie getting run over by a barge was dramatic. Yeah, like if the barge

doesn't slow down for you guys you just have to get out of the water. You just see Donnie's body get tossed for the whole length of the barge. So if a barge comes

and you have to get in the boat then you lost and you can never talk about swimming again. Okay, deal. I'm just saying the audit like that is right yeah i don't if you have to if you have to get out of the water at any point you lost

all right what if a cop boat comes and says you have to get out of the water lost all right it's almost like it's almost like you have to use the l word you need to talk the cop into letting you finish the swim. They can arrest you on the shore. This is your own personal escape from Alcatraz. You either get caught or get out of the water. If a cop comes, try and be like, I've trained my entire life for this moment.

Think of the t-shirt. Your mugshot that says, Arrest me on the shore. Fly off the shore. I think 5pm is a solid time to do it. I think it I think 5 p.m. is a solid time to do it. That's when the boat traffic is. It's certainly the worst time to do it. It's going to be commuter.

I doubt boat traffic is the same as car traffic. One of the worst times to commute on the boat. The only time that you want to do it is like Sunday morning at like 7 a.m. You know what? I could check. I could check the ferry schedules and see which ones cross my swimming path. No, no, no. You need to risk it, man.

47 people die annually from boat propellers. Oh. You could go deep. That seems low. Yeah. Should you maybe bring a scuba? That's a bad bet. That's a lot.

I'll allow you to bring one scuba tank. No, that would just slow me down. That's a lot. I'll allow you to bring one scuba tank. No, that would just slow me down. No, but if he needed to go underneath the boat. Yeah, you can't swim under that. It's if he sees a ferry. The passenger ferries go fucking fast. He just goes down and we're just like, well, I don't think we're going to be qualified to be the people on the boat. Absolutely not. If Donnie starts drowning, what are we're going to be qualified to be the people on the boat. Absolutely not.

If Donnie starts drowning, what are we going to do? This is all a terrible, terrible idea. I can guarantee that I won't drown. I can't guarantee I won't get hit by a barge. You can't guarantee that you won't drown. Yeah, you can't. He won't. I don't think he's going to drown. No, if a barge comes to you, you're going to die. If we see a boat.

If we see a boat and we're like, oh my god, Tommy's about to get hit by the thing, and we have to go try and pull off some rescue mission. Yeah. We're not qualified for this. We're not qualified for that. We're going to be in a stolen boat. Yeah. We're not qualified to pull that off. We're qualified to be on a boat.

We're fine. We'll figure it out. No, yeah. As long as the person who provides the boat is qualified. The dying is on him. I think you should have an actual scuba-trained person swimming next to you. No. Can we get a white-skinned train?

I'm trying to save your life. I want to plant a barge that is nowhere at a rate where he has to swim at a certain pace to avoid the barge. Yes. Yeah, it's like the train in Mario Kart. There's also random jet skis in the East River. Those things whip around. Imagine getting killed by a jet ski. You miss the barge and then a jet ski

hits you. That thing would just cut you in half. Yeah, like clean in half. The jet skis are only in the Hudson. I live on the East River. I see them all the time. Jet skis are only in the Hudson. One, dude. I live on the East River. I see them all the time. Jet skis are only in the Hudson. One of you guys should actually rent a jet ski.

I actually, that would be kind of fun. If we all got bad boys. Can we all get jet skis? We all got jet skis? That would be so fun. That would be sick. Steven, look that up for us, please. That would be so fun.

If we jet skied a paddle boat. Or hit you in the head. you get a concussion and drown. We actually could because the jet skis, the only problem is we can't leave them, I don't think, in Williamsburg. Oh, what if you get hit by another swimmer? That would be funny. We're all out of the way. What the fuck are you doing here, dude?

It's my time. Now, am I going to swim all the way to the show, and then you guys are going to make me purchase a ticket? Yes, 100%. You're just going to be in the audience wet. Do I at least get a front row seat reserved or anything like that? Well, you got to win one of the 70. Yeah, you actually, there's no guarantee you can come in.

He's so mean. If he's stopping, we're like, sorry, Donnie, you's so mean. If he's stopping, we're like, sorry, Donnie, you didn't win. But you can watch the live stream. Are we going to stream it live? Yes. Fuck yeah. I think we're going to not do an afternoon show that day. Yeah.

We'll do a night show. And we'll do the, I mean, I don't know how, yeah, jet skis, ferry. I love the jet ski idea I think we're gonna More of a crowd for the Swiss Yeah I know No one cares about the live show The problem with the jet skis

Okay but we could get I don't know where you can rent them We could get them In Brooklyn And then we could drive over But I don't think they rent them In Williamsburg Where we want to get off

I think they rent them Farther down Like I always see them coming Up the river Well then let's just do it A little earlier We'll take the train or whatever. You just want to ride a jet ski.

I want to ride a jet ski. We just want the clip of us pulling up in jets. Yeah, that would be sick. Alright, Steven, look it up. Try to figure out jet skis. And if the ferry comes, we have to go V formation and just go head on into it. We could take it.

Keep swimming, Donnie. I think you guys need like, you guys need a flare that you can launch if it's like a huge barge. Yes. Well, let's get a bunch of flares. I want to just be shooting

those things off the whole time. None of this is going to happen. We're going to drive over, probably be late. The show's going to get cancelled. I'm going to start practicing. How are you going to practice for this? I'm going to swim in

Lake Michigan next week. Okay. There's like barely any current in that thing if you had like the beach. Yeah. No, I mean, I'll do some research. I'm sure we'll have a lot of people reach out. Like some maybe would experience swimming Manhattan to Brooklyn.

It used to be a thing that people did. There's also a swim where people swim around Manhattan. Yeah, we just looked it up. Some dude did it in eight hours. Okay. Which is crazy. Yeah. Yeah, we just looked it up. Some dude did it in eight hours. Okay. Which is crazy. Yeah. You couldn't run across Manhattan in eight hours.

Or like around the whole thing. Maybe you could. Could you? Yeah. All of Manhattan? Yeah. I love it. Marathoners do 26 miles.

All right, we'll get the details hashed out. We have a couple people offering boats. Really? Hell yes. Already? Marathoners like 26 miles. All right, we'll get the details hashed out. We have a couple people offering boats. Really? Hell yes. Already? It's all money. Marathon is like two and a half. Yeah.

Like I said, it's going to be illegal to take it. The fast ones, yeah. The elite ones. All right, we're going to do it. Donnie, I'm excited. This will scratch the itch. You'll be a fucking hero showing up on the shore. Will I be a hero?

In my mind, yeah. The only show you will be a hero. I think this is ballsy. The East River is gross. It might put you on the shore. Will I be a hero? In my mind, yeah. The only show you will be a hero. I think this is ballsy. The East River's gross. It might put you on the wall. I mean, I know back in 2013, hundreds of swimmers gathered to all swim across the East River. How long did it take them? If they can do it, I can do it. Every single one of them died.

It was actually a tragedy. Every single one was like a new parent. A fairy just came and ran over all of them at once. I've never heard of anybody getting sick. I think it's more of a myth than anything else. Mythbusters. This will be Yak Mythbusters. Will you die swimming in the East River?

Oh, and then someone else says New York is full of shit. Real shit. Everywhere is full of shit. shit everywhere is full of shit yeah they used to throw bodies in there yeah does it stink does the water itself stink I just have a smell

you're gonna smell like dead body well there's like dead fish in every body of water that's just as gross no then it's grosser than human shit yeah a dead fish

dead sea creatures and their shit? No. You think a fish carcass is grosser than a human carcass? I'm going to show you some of these creatures that are out there. What creatures have you been looking at? Kandiru fish. Which I still haven't got to explain. You want to talk?

Go ahead. Take the floor. You want to wait for Wells to get back in? The ratio is way too off for me to talk about candiru fish. You want to get a girl in here to talk about candiru fish? Just look it up yourselves. Oh, is that the fish that swims up the pussy hole? Pussy, I didn't say anything wrong.

Oh, I meant penis hole. If it can fit in the penis hole, then yeah. Yeah, it swims up and then it like spikes come out of it. So then it's just trapped in your dick. Put some tape over your penis hole. If you're in Brazil, then yeah. It's in the movie Anaconda.

No pictures. Wait, I want to see it. No pictures. You won't see it in a dick. I'd be the type of candira fish to be in a pussy, though. That's just me. If I were one. That's crazy that that's a thing.

Do they like... Is it just like they can smell your penis? I think it's when you piss. I think it smells your piss or something. I think people willingly choose to get it chopped off because the pain is that severe. Holy shit. Piranhas might be worse.

You ever see the movie Piranha? You ever seen the fucking... Yeah, they clean you. They clean you off. No, what do they do? Oh, they eat you down to a skeleton. Let's see a Piranha video. Yeah, let's see a Piranha.

No, don't show that. Oh, boy. Look up Piranha eating baby. They don't actually eat humans like that, though, right? They have, yes. I think a piranha eats baby. It's a newborn baby. Have you guys seen the movie Piranha?

Yeah. There was new tits in it. There was titties in it. There was a lot of titties in that movie. And then they get eaten. Heavy titty movie. They get eaten? The titties get eaten.

Oh, yeah. Piranhas love titties. They show a tit floating. Really? Yeah. What did it float? I remember being like, if I could just go by there and just scoot that thing up. As wild as a tit.

Here we go. Imagine reeling in a tit. Are these piranhas? Yeah. Oh, I got something on the line. He caught a titty. You reeled it in. Oh, boy.

God damn it. It's a titty. Wait, so the piranhas aren't big. This isn't that impressive yet. No, it's not. No, they do slow work. This is like rats. Like rats do.

Imagine that doing it to your fucking leg. I'm not worried about piranhas. I'm not scared of piranhas. I think a good kick would take care of these guys. It's like piranhas. Imagine them doing that to your leg. Your motherfucking shin. Don't they swim really fast, too?

They're quick swimmers. They really are devouring it. But also, the thing's dead. We could have eaten that fish faster than that. Yeah, we actually could have, very easily. I'm not impressed by piranhas. I thought piranhas were bigger. Are you confusing it with barracuda? No, I know what a barracuda is. I didn't know what a piranha was. I'm not impressed by piranhas I thought piranhas were bigger How big

Are you confusing A barracuda No I know what a barracuda is Oh barracuda Didn't know what a piranha was Yes I did You thought they were bigger You thought they were big

I had never seen one In the water How big do you think A barracuda is Where have you seen one Where were you seeing them Like I've seen a picture Of a piranha

In Finding Nemo In Finding Nemo Where at in Finding Nemo I don't know There's a piranha There's not a piranha No but there's a barracuda I know what a barracuda is

Baracuda or freshwater fish Baracudas are like this big We don't have a marine biologist But we do have someone Who's seen Finding Nemo Yes And he's seen a picture Of a piranha

Only out of water So same thing My neighbor used to have A stuffed barracuda Oh That he caught What happened to it? He fucked it.

I remember reading about that. Yeah. No, but I know what a barracuda is. Show us what a barracuda is there, TJ, on one of those pictures. No, the ones that you got pulled up. It's long and narrow, right? Yeah.

There it is. What are these? Okay, so this is... No, no, the nemo one yeah which one is so this is what you learned in school isn't the barracuda the one that ate all the nemo's eggs brothers and sisters yes yes what yeah dude spoiler and it fucked up his little fin hey fuck those things up barracudas love shiny objects so so that's why you're not supposed to wear rings and shit. Jewelry?

I think that's all fish, right? Yeah, I remember hearing it. Not all. Specifically, the barracuda. Gafilta now. Love it. No, they love it. Gafilta is all fish. They love the shiny objects.

They're jewelers. You're so lucky you get to do those. Yeah, I just fucking nailed that. This is a barracuda you saw? That's a barracuda. Oh, those are fucking gross. You can barely even see it. Yeah.

I would much rather swim in water with a human than that thing. Yes. And how many barracudas are in the East River? You'd rather swim with a dead human than that? I mean, I guess that makes sense. Have you ever been in the water? No, that doesn't make sense. With dead humans? Both dead humans and dead fish

are in this water. The odor, the stench of those dead fish was way worse than a dead human. No, wrong. When have you been around just a fucking pile of dead human parts? No, because that's at least humanizing. Have you guys ever been in the water and a fish hits your shin?

Oh, I hate that. Like a big old fish. I hate that. Not a pussy though. Slaps you. Oh, sorry. That triggered Brandon. All the time.

Every fucking day. All the time. KB, all of us are just lucky enough to never have been around just like rotting pieces of human. Yeah, where have you seen a rotting human? KB, do you have something you want to tell us? All right, I fucked up. I'm wrong.

Rotting fish is terrible smelling, though. Every time KB gets in a pool, he just looks over. I don't think I've ever smelled a body. God damn it, not again. I've never smelled a rotting human before.

None of us have. Do you remember... You probably got to be in a fucked up situation to smell that. Who was it in the Big Wheeling Creek They found like a pill container The orange ones

They opened it and it was just a person's thumb Do you remember that? That's crazy Somebody migrated That's like some serial killer shit Don't talk about that two year old girl We discovered that she's actually alive Yeah she's alive

We need an apology. She needs to apologize to us. Did you think long and hard about it on your time off? What did your suspension... About your sick jokes? Did your suspension make you want to do anything to yourself?

For being on the show. Fetishizing suicide. Rowan and I both had to serve a suspension. And Rowan's still out. There are people who actually complain about this show to Erica and Dave, and it's very funny. Because then Dave just forwards it. That's why I didn't understand. Does Dave read all of his emails?

I think he just saw that one and was like, why are they making fun of a dead two-year-old girl? It's like, but that was KB making up a story. That person, though. Should we shout out his name? No. It doesn't make any sense because this person has watched our show all the way through on many occasions. He was totally down for 9-11 month. Yes, which lasted every bit of those 30 days.

We're not talking February, folks. It was a full-ass month. Is that coming back for the 20-year? Oh, shit. I'm actually more than that. Yeah. I was watching some 9-11 conspiracies the other day. We're going to see, like...

They're pretty crazy. You turn on the news on 9-11, the 20th year, and it's fucking KB just poking his head in every fucking live shot it's fucking KB just poking his head in every fucking live shot down there. KB. A man just threw himself

into the 9-11 memorial. I should have been there. He's got a big foam finger that's just both towers. It's both towers. It's two towers. I'm just a big fan Of the tower

I have tragedy FOMO Oh damn Alright Should we end the show? Alright so we got the plan Donnie we gotta figure out The details But you're gonna do it

Yeah I'm committed Okay I'll try And we gotta come up With ideas for the 70 too 70 people're going to do it. Yeah, I'm committed. Okay. I'll try. And we've got to come up with ideas for the 70, too. 70 people, yeah. What's in it for Donnie? What are we doing for him?

It's his itch. We're scratching his itch. Half-price ticket. Half-price ticket. Half-price ticket of the show. No, you know what? You know what? The only price ticket.

I'll do something crazier. Donnie, you get to come to the show. Oh. Wow. Wow. Yeah. I don't know. See, that's the reason I brought up a charity at some point.

Then I could be like, oh, at least I did some good. No, no. Doing good is overrated. We'll get you drinks. Do I have to come to the show? No. No, definitely not. He just swims the other side and just stops.

But it is like a skee-ball world championship. Yeah. What if no one watches the Yak and they all just watch the SkiBall World Championship I would It's Joey the Cat That sounds like what will happen Is that going to destroy you? Because you've got to get ready for it

I know, I'm pumped I'm fucking psyched Show me your most psyched face I'm really fucking excited I don't have an excited face give us your most excited zoom in on sass this is the end of the show go ahead let's not let's not do this no come on big cats one excited face ready hey sass we most excited face. One excited face. Ready? Hey, Sass, we're going to the Skee-Ball World Championship.

Oh, my God. Oh, boy. All right, end the show. Hit him with the arrow. No, don't worry. I'm a little confused. The Skee-Ball World Championship is happening during your live show? We're doing the pregame.

Oh, sick. Yeah, that's the whole reason we're doing a live show. It's Joey the Cat versus the Skee-Ball Kid. Everyone's been talking about it. It's going to be the event of the summer. And you're now, so we're the opening act, but you're the opening act to the opening act. Okay. There's going to be like a thousand people trying to swim.

He should have to swim with a torch. Yeah. No, you know what? You should have to swim with pockets full. Yeah. No, you know what? You should have to swim with pockets full of skeeballs. Yeah, at least one skeeball. Pockets full of skeeballs. Six skeeballs in each pocket. I bowled the 290 on Saturday.

Is that good for skeeball? Holy shit. You bowled a 290? No, you didn't. No, no. Skee-ball. Oh, yes. And skeeball. You do bowl for skeeball? Holy shit. You bowled a 290? No, you didn't. No, no. Skee-ball. Oh, yes. And skee-ball. You do bowl the skee-ball.

You can't say you bowled a 290. I fucking skee'd a 290. That would actually be funny if you have to carry the skee-balls and if you don't get across, we can't have the championship. I would rather carry a torch than pocket full of skee-balls.

You don't want to roll out the first I would rather carry a torch than pocket full of skee-balls. You don't want to roll out the first ball that you brought across from the river? He ends up with one ball. It's just soaking wet. It's soaking wet. It breaks in half. Donnie, there's going to be thousands of people lined up in Brooklyn waiting for you. Yeah, and they're going to attract all the cops.

Yeah, that is true. No, I don't think it's technically against the law. I have to play dumb and be like, I had no idea. Good thing there's no recording of you. Just be like, I do this every morning. Sorry, usually I'm out here earlier, but I had something this morning, so I had to come get it in the afternoon. Yeah, I think I'm just going to tell them that I've been working towards this my whole life.

Please don't ruin the vibes right here. Brandon, what did you sprint out for? I've been telling the cop not to ruin the vibes is always a strong move. What did you sprint out for? Don't rain on my parade. You sprinted out. What'd you say? I went and peed.

You're like a football juke. We thought it was poop. No, I had to pee. It was a very quick poop. If you get arrested, we'll drop Yak ACAB shirts. All right. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. Thank you.