The Yak - Wonton Don is About to Be a Married Man | The Yak 8-4-23

Episode Date: August 4, 2023

Dimes SquareYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Yeah, it's time to talk shop. We're doing Yankee swap. It's the Yak. Hello, hello. It's the Yak.

It's the Yak. Friday Yak. Damn near a fucking full house in here. And just running back some of the good vibes of Shohei Otani Day. We do need to be out of here at 140 today. So we need to make this shit quick. But just another beautiful day to yak with the fellas. Was anybody hungover today? So it's not 140 because they have to set up.

So we have to be out of here at 105. All right, get it in quick then. They're bringing in the cast of Full House house connect with this new gen z audience um i was i was hung over though i was too i tried to go out with these guys afterwards i wasn't hung over at all oh insane tummy ache you're an alcoholic yeah i was yesterday lucid diarrhea like one hour after the yak but i don't want to blame that on what we yeah that could have been that could have been anything donnie text me about it if i was feeling sick from it like uh liquid shit wise and no i wasn't but i can't picture a japanese man having diarrhea and not with their beautiful toilets oh you wouldn't want to

disrespect that technology they're too respectful to have diarrhea. Their toilets are very easy to clog because they're not made for American-sized poops. So I think I was clogging the toilet one every four shits. I like that we are claiming big shits. When I moved into my apartment, I clogged the toilet the first time I shit in it. You have a Japanese toilet. You must. My toilet doesn't flush. It goes... You know how like most toilets,

they go like the hole goes like in and that way? Yeah. Mine goes around. So the shit has to go like, it has to like loop around. Wait, hold that for me. I need to talk about Roback real quick, but I want you to put a pin in it and I want to get back to right in that section of the sentence.

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Robeck is the gear for you. It's R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Use code YAK. 20% off your first purchase through the end of this week. Get it in today. What were you saying about the shit, the way that the shit goes through your plumbing? Does it have to snap in half? Yeah, pretty much.

You ever hear it? No, it doesn't flow like a normal toilet. You ever break the log just to make it easier? No, I just flush it a bunch. You just acted like you had a tool for that, Francis. What was the show? One time in a hotel, I had to use a tissue box to break up the logs and sort of soup it up a little and then send it on its way. Hotel toilets are usually pretty forceful.

I know. Well, this was in Attitash, New Hampshire. And it was a mountain hotel and they didn't have the strength. Country plumbing. Everything's so historic in the Northeast that it's like they weren't prepared for human beings to be six foot tall taking ten pounds of barbecue shits. No. No, they weren't. People were tinier back then.

Yeah. They always have that disclaimer next to the toilet, please no feminine products. You're not supposed to flush your tampons and maxi pads down the toilet, you dirty girls. The fact that your turds were more dense than a blood-ridden maxi pad is also a little bit disturbing. I take pride in that. Rowan, is your headphones playing music? No.

After Hairball, Nick and I had a pop, I went and met a friend for a dinner in a new place that I'd never heard of in New York City called Dime Square. Have you guys ever heard of this? Where was it? Yeah, I've seen it on the accounts, the meme accounts. Dime Square. Meme accounts.

It's a new neighborhood of New York that young people decided they wanted to make cool. Right. Why is it called Dime Square? Are they attractive? It's a play on Times Square. No fucking shit. There's more. I think the idea is that this place is so cheap.

I'm square. Why does that sound so familiar? Is it near Times Square? No. I think it's a place for people to be caught reading cool books. Oh. Like playing a ukulele. Is that right?

Time Nobles? Is that why it's called? There's an account called Nolita Dirtbag, and they always post shit that I don't understand, but it seems really fun. Oh, it's by Chinatown? Yeah. It's Chinatown meets the countryside. Oh, I have driven through here.

Right off the Manhattan Bridge. And it's just people there's no there's the streets are blocked off and there's whole blocks and streets they're skateboarders and shit more like restaurant eaters people eating really in outdoor and that the the tables for the restaurant spill all the way out and you don't even know where one restaurant ends and where one begins but uh i i rode a city bike down there. And do you know how city bike docks have that A and B slot? One's farther in and the other ones are a little bit farther out.

You have to wedge between. That's right. And if the ones that are out are filled, you can't park a bike on the ones that are in. You have to jam it like a Neanderthal. I don't think you can get it. Is it possible? I don't think you can get it. Is it possible? I don't think you can get it. I tried.

And I couldn't get it. And it was the only slot open. And I realized that there were four people around me sitting on city bikes. So I went up to each one of them individually and asked if they were taking the bikes out. And they said no, no. And they were all Chinese people because we were in Chinatown. And I realized that all four of them

were pedaling slowly backwards on the parked bicycles to do exercises. Oh, yeah. It was like Tai Chi. It was like that time we were in Beijing, and we went to the- The Muscle Beach of China. Is that hard to do?

No, there's no resistance. What are you talking about? they're all wearing chinos and dress shirts while they're doing it they're pedaling a stationary but like not even a real bike yeah no resistance they're just that's not hard no it's not hard just stay active yeah is that harder than walking probably older chinese that's right yes you were in your 50s and 60s. And they were just having a pleasant social thing. This was like a social thing where they were sitting on the bikes, just parked in the city bike dock, and moving their legs backwards. And talking. And laughing.

And they didn't speak a word of English. And obviously I don't speak any Chinese. But they realized what I was up to, what I was looking for. And this guy who was flirting with two of the women that were on the bikes, but he himself was not on the bike, said in Chinese, basically, I'll sort this out for you. And he took his city bike app, opened it up on his phone, pulled out one of the B slot bikes so that I could park my bike and then reparked the bike. And we all were so happy with each other for solving this. Holy shit. No common language. Then Francis bowed to them. Oh no.

That's the Japanese. It was Otani day. Not bow to a Chinese person. But it was a very cool moment. You slurp to them. You slurp your noodles. That's Japanese as well. You should never clear your plate. You always want to leave some leftovers because they'll be offended if you clear your plate.

They're like, we didn't serve him enough food. He's leaving hungry. Oh. Wow. Yeah. Maybe they could cook some more fucking food then. Yeah. But then they'll just keep on feeding you and feeding you.

So always leave a little on. We left plenty of food for Huayi. Huayi, yes. Did not eat any of the salad she made. You had told me specifically don't eat lettuce bought at a wet market. Yeah, just don't eat cold vegetables in China in general. Do they have to wash them with water? Yeah, there's a good chance you might get E. coli.

Yeah, most of their veggies are cooked. Hard to find like a cold salad. Interesting. I went to a wet market to buy the ingredients for dinner. And that's exactly the type of place where COVID started, some people say. What types of beasts did you see hanging? Lots of fish. And Donnie was trying to pick them out of the tub with his bare hands.

And they got mad at him for it. It's the first time I ever saw anyone in china get mad at you that's like yeah i had a pet goose and a pet duck in china which i just bought at the wet market and at one point i had them when bird flu was going around so they announced in shanghai they're like we need to go around and murder every duck in wet markets like around the country and i had an frank duck in your attic yeah i had i had. I fucking Anne Frank'd a duck. It was just like living in my closet. They're horrible pets, though.

Damn, the Chinese police like kicking in your door, going room to room. You had your little ducks beneath the floorboards. Everybody has to tape the beak shut. Don't quack. Don't rape anyone down there. Sorry, because ducks do that. Oh, I was thinking, did Anne Frank

just exclusively? No, it's a duck thing, not Anne Frank thing. You shouldn't have said that, I guess. Fuck me. It's an animal thing. Yeah, it's ducks and dolphins, mostly. Forgot the directive, though. Damn.

Shohei Otani did hit a home run last night though I know got a cramp and then he hit his 40th home run of the season which is kind of serendipitous unless we forced that unless we created that it wasn't happening without us did you see how many followers he got

I discovered him I don't think he went up a digit but probably in the hundreds the graphic looked fucking sick. Yeah. We look good as Japanese guys. Oh, my God, yes. Amazing. I was thinking of going Japanese because of that.

Yeah. I just need to find a surgeon that will put my face on a Japanese skull. Look at all of us. Oh, no. I kind of look like mints. No, you look good. Oh, you look good. Maybe you would, hands down, be the easiest person to turn into a Japanese. Thank you, Don. Thank you very much. No, you look good. Oh, you look good. JB would hands down be the easiest person to turn into a Japanese.

Thank you, Don. Thank you very much. Well, I wouldn't. We all have said that at one point. I appreciate that. What do you see in there, Donnie? I just think you could tell people now I'm a quarter Japanese and no one would be shocked. I would.

Thank you. I'd be floored. I would be floored. What about him Japanese looking? He's got slight hints of Japanese. Thank you. I'd be floored. I would be floored. What about his Japanese looking? He's got slight hints of Japanese. Thank you. His stature is- I appreciate it, Donnie.

Darkish hair. Thank you. Yeah. He's fit. All right. Thank you. I can see the hair. A thousand thank yous.

Do you think he could fool a stranger? If he was wearing sunglasses, yes, I think. And then you would have to shave. If you were clean shaven and wearing shades, maybe put on a slight accent. I think you could just... If we got canceled yesterday, we would have had to say... Undercover as a Japanese.

We would have had to Photoshop a 23andMe account to say that you're a quarter Japanese. Oh, I think we did well. We didn't cross any lines. Oh. Overall a net I was crossing lines by myself last night. I was just doing the voice the whole night. Oh yeah. To myself. How did

it go? I'm not going to do it here. Obviously not. Yeah, maybe next year. Death sentence. When are we doing it next year when he gets that 39 home runs wait fuck I could talk about Japanese culture for weeks

and not get bored so Shohei's birthday is July 5th so we could do it right before or right after the July 4th birthday party I feel like having it in August gives you a little something to do oh yeah this is Drake yesterday. That's fair. Oh Maybach.

Those are nice. Look at that. Look at that though. No way. Yeah. He was observing. I think so. He knew observing what Bernardo Tani Jersey.

Oh shit. Oh why is he scared of the six in Toronto right now. Tita. I think they're talking about the women. I was going to say is

one of those girls a six and you didn't want to talk to her? They look like they might be six years old. Security guard behind them also wearing a robe back, so obviously a big yak contingent. Wow. That's our brand. See that? I need to nod at him. I need to find him and nod.

Drake seems very online. I wonder if he has ever listened to an episode of the Yak. Zero percent chance. I don't know. It wouldn't surprise me. Zero? Zero. He's listened to the Pat Bev pod.

Big difference. Okay. Well, that's a culture pod, and this is what we... Comedy? Yes. I can't believe... I style hunting. Yeah, what is our pod?

I can't believe I'm not culture. That's literally all. Oh, my God, yeah. No. I think there's a big reason for that, Nani. Yeah. I don't think it's a big reason. Well, I filmed the video with Zah. True.

Yeah. Zah, I mean. It's pretty cultural. Damn, Donnie dropped his first culture video with Zah. Yeah, that's just funny. If we get that 23 and me back, it could maybe be, I don't know, I guess Japanese wouldn't be culture. Not in the eyes of the stool.

Baseball. Japanese is sports. Back again is soccer, football. Even like Ernie Els, a South African golfer, would not fall into culture, I don't think. No. He'd fall into golf. Sad to say.

Who's in culture? Take a wild guess. It's macro dosing and million dollars. And Pat Bev. And Pat Bev. I figured that. I didn't know that macro dosing would be. Well, think of one of the co-hosts.

His name may be. Oh, the other one? Name for my race. Oh, the other one. Not her. Yes, him. Name for me. Yeah.

That should be your name. I actually made a joke to him, and he didn't like it. I said, what would you have called me if I'd grown up an orphan and then found a home? Oh, okay, yeah. He said, what? And I said, an Aryan foster. And he didn't like it. He did not like that.

No, he wouldn't like that. No. I like him. We get along. He's great. He does not fuck with you. Oh, yeah, he's always telling Nick that. He's made that very clear.

He knows not to fuck with me. He knows. Very clear. He knows not to fuck with you. Oh yeah, he's always telling Nick that. He's made that very clear. He knows not to fuck with me. He knows. Very clear. He knows not to fuck with me. Damn. I think he just doesn't like you. No, there's nothing you can do about it. It's personal.

It's about your personality. That's fine. I have enough. He said it wasn't even like he was rubbed the wrong way It was just like He straight up just doesn't like you I was like

You should meet my friend Francis He was like I'm good Yeah I think it started When I made the Arian Foster joke No he told me It was way before that He said it was before

You were even hired back Yeah You were on his radar You already You're at your number of 150 anyway Francis back. You were on his radar. You're at your number of 150 anyway, Francis. What's that number? How many close friends you can have? Or support in a relationship?

Dunbar number? You can only have a certain number of people in your life? You have enough people in your life. Francis, how often would you say you have encounters with strangers, not staff, strangers? What is happening right now?

I feel like you approach a lot. You're always getting yourself into encounters, whereas I am the opposite. I have a lot of encounters. Like that encounter at the city bike station yesterday. Right. Yeah, I haven't had a good encounter in a while. When I was with you, you would constantly stop dog walkers and ask about the breed and whatnot.

Is this something you do for a certain reason? You're not scared. You're curious. He's not scared of people. I like meeting people. I like hearing people's story. Right. That's good.

I like experiencing different things and different people. That's one of the great things about New York, too. There's just so many fucking people to interact with. Yeah. You're not going to interact with them again. A lot of people don't, though. They just stay in their own little bubble here. People are scared.

Go to the same one bar every weekend, hang out with the same six people. That's what I do. I feel like you do that a decent amount. You'll just talk to a fucking stranger. I like to go to a lot of different places in New York I guess I don't always talk to a lot of people there You just check it out? Yeah, I like to, you know, check out new neighborhoods

Go for a stroll But when was the last time I just met someone new? I'll yuck it up at a bar If it's sitting at a bar and i'm sitting next to somebody i'll say talk about the game or something when's the last time you asked a dude for his number oh that's gotten weird now i had a dude ask me for my number at a pool hall he liked how you're shooting it now what'd you say how'd you get out of it maybe i did i don't remember he's oh if you ask me i'll give it? No. What did you say? How did you get out of it? Maybe I did. I don't remember.

Oh, if you ask me, I'll give it. He was like, yeah, I think I probably did. He was just like, do you want to play pool sometime? He was just a random dude. We were just having a conversation at the bar. We was at, what's it called? Society. The place that we always go. Society?

Oh. Cellar Dog. Cellar Dog. And I was waiting at the bar, and they were talking about something, and I chimed in, and they were like, do you play pool a lot? And I was like, yeah. My, uh, I was at Verizon, and I was getting a new phone something and I chimed in and they were like, do you play pool a lot? And I was like, yeah. I was at Verizon and I was getting a new phone and I was transferring the data at 45 minutes

and I gave the guy that was transferring my phone data, my phone number, to text. Text about anime. His name's Brandon. Do you even watch anime? I said I watched more than I ever did. I've never heard you talk about anime. I always get into UFC shit with my cauliflower ear,

and I just pretend to know everything they're talking about. Yeah, I just have a permanent tab of the Naruto wiki on my phone now to talk to this guy. I bought a PlayStation at a Target in Philly, and the dude who helped me at the store, he was like, yo, take my number.

We could hit licks together on Call of Duty. Yeah. And I took his number. We never hit one single lick together. Fucking broke my heart. This guy asked me what my sign was

and I said cancer. He was like, I've never had a cancer friend. I was like, oh God. Gave him my number. He has a streetwear line though. He sent me some clothes. Everyone's got a streetwear line these days.

Most of them suck, too. They're so bad. Most of them are terrible. I'm not even a hater. Streetwear is just an excuse to just put some shit on a logo or a logo on a t-shirt. Yeah, a logo you can't read. Then I don't know what's a good one, then. I can't discern.

What a good logo is? What's a good streetwear style or brand or design? What's a good one then i can't discern what a good logo is a good street wear like style or brand or design what's a good looking one probably one that just like references something that's old and established like a famous logo that they just rip off or yeah make better heavy shirts that don't show your tits i think that that's one of the best things about street wear. Yeah. Tit minimizing. Whoa. I think Arian Foster actually likes you. I've never talked to Arian Foster.

I think he likes you. Come on, man. What's the matter? He likes you. Yeah, he likes you. He's fine. He's cool with you. That's okay.

Yeah, you guys are cool. You know what? Maybe I don't like him. Oh, that's okay. You don't want to go against one of the two culture podcasts? It's a bad look. A million dollars worth of game? More like a million dollars worth of...

Don't do it. Don't say it. I don't know if it's going to... It better be great. A million dollars worth of what? Motivation. I was going to say lame. What's that a reference to?

Tell me, Francis. There's that one. And then the Pat Bev pod. Yep. Fat trick, Beverly. Shit. But now, man on the street high five vids. Yeah, that shit was fucking viral as hell probably.

What was it? He was just high fiving. High fiving. High-fiving. Did you see Donnie's Instagram post? Was it this morning or last night? Mike Wangelow really struggling on this three-foot incline? Yes. He was flat.

It was flat. It was astounding. What was it? Mike Wangelow, I guess, was on a little too much acid, he said. Yes, that was true, but that's not a valid excuse. He was trying to climb up like a three-foot rock face and just got stuck on it. I had to drag him up with one hand. He had a panic attack, but yeah.

Can we see the video? Yeah. I think I'm fucked. I don't know. It just comes natural to me. It was so low. Hope's so low. Oh, Jesus Christ.

The Elfinist. The Dawn Wall. Can you give me a hand? Jesus Christ. Alright, yes, yes, I got you. This is like Jesus Christ, dude. Oh, yes, yes, I got you. All right. This is like cliffhanger where he lets the guy go. He's literally just laying on the ground.

Yeah, I can't let him drag me. I'm not going to let you go. Oh. Sylvester Stallone in cliffhanger. You're my fucking hero Alright Holy shit Alright I got ya

That was a dramatic KB had a very similar moment Yeah I can't talk In Joshua Tree He climbed up like a five foot boulder And then we're like alright It's time to get down And you're like I can't

And you just like froze And you're like I I cannot get down from here But I mean You are You have like a I can't. And you just like froze. And you're like, I cannot get down from here. But I mean, you have like a deathly afraid of heights? Falling. So if I'm on a structure that I could fall off of, then yes. But I could be on like the 80th floor.

Okay, yeah. Coley, he couldn't even be on the 80th floor. I could be in an airplane. I was listening to Jefferson Airplane this morning. Yeah? They got some fucking hits, dude. Don't you want somebody to love? One pill makes you larger.

Yeah, what the fuck are they talking about? One pill makes you smaller. Alice in Wonderland? Yeah. The pill that your mother gives you does nothing at all. Yeah, I love that shit. That'll put you in a whole different mood.

I was like, yo, what the fuck? Biking over the... Good call. It was so fucking good. And I think Mr. Sparky's lingering. Yeah, Sparky said he wrote something new that he's been working on. I think he wants in. I think Mr. Sparky's lingering. Yeah, Sparky said he wrote something new that he's been working on. I think he wants in.

I think so, too. But, will it be the same melody? Will it be the same medley? You'd have to hope. You'd have to hope because that's a hit. He gave me a taste. And?

I don't want to say anything. Francis, he likes you. Here he comes yeah yeah is this his and and I don't know why it's so fucking short boys boys boys and Mr. Sparky welcome and we're a culture pod you said you're gonna eat us going to eat us alive today? Eat us alive? Please, no. Yo, hit me right. Check it out. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Check it out.

Should we be doing that? Should we snap? You're asking for us to do the... Y'all ready? Yeah. Y'all ready for this? Yeah. Y'all ready to eat them alive?

Yeah. The Yacht, boss stool, and my life getting right. Don't you know I'm uptight. Money always right. Don't you know I understand the truth of life. Check it. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. God is so good.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Things are so good. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Our boss stool changed me. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Things are so good. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Our boss still changed me. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I used to hold that thing tight. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, everything is so right.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, you feel me tonight. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Up and down, don't you know I get it right? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, I used to hold that thing tight. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom Oh, I just hold that thing tight Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom Oh, things so right now

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom Everything is right now Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom Up and down in my life Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom Hold that thing real tight Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom I'll steal your life

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'll steal your life. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Savior in life. Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. When you hit my beat. Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. I'm so, so unique. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, I stack them bricks.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Every day in my life. Oh, don't let the microphone not nod tonight. Oh, I'm going to get it right. It's levels in life. Y'all put a spell on me like. Oh, my. Y'all put something in my life.

I woke up this morning. Bustle in my life. Oh, yeah. I got another song for you tonight y'all wanna hear one more tonight rolling around in circles ain't no jerk alright peace y'all alright Sparky

I got one more. You got one more? Oh, shit. No. So, Sparky, get the keys. Hey, Sparky, I have just one context question for you. You said, you kept saying, hold that thing tight. And what is the thing?

I think he was talking about that steel beam. I'm talking about that hammer in my life. We had that hammer in his life, and he's not talking about home improvement. And now I'm thinking right. That's what I bought for my life. That's it. That answers your question, bitch.

I don't know that it did. I feel like it's like we hit replay on the song. You said the hammer in your life. Is that a gun or a penis? Well, whatever will make you happy. Reverse. That's penis. Yo, for real?

Yeah, for real. You'd rather hold a gun than a penis? No. But I'd rather for a girl to hold mine. Yeah. But you said hold that thing in my life. Are you talking about her holding it? It's a hammer.

Well, whatever. However you want it to be, baby. Okay. All right. Beauty of poetry. That's in my song. Okay. Cool, cool. Y' want it to be, baby. Okay. All right. Beauty of poetry. That's in my song. Okay. Cool, cool.

Y'all want one more? Yeah. I'm sure y'all want one more. Yeah. This is deep right here. You know I believe in God because God brought me here in my life to be. My heartbeat is so unique. We all bleed red in a place to be.

Right? Right. I don't know if I'm the guy to go to anymore. Right. No, I'm just playing. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Gotcha.

This is one of my favorite, too. I really don't know. I don't know. I don't know where we going. I don't know. But we gonna leave here. Yes, my dear. But we gonna leave here. Yes, my dear. We definitely gonna leave here.

But if your soul ain't right, your soul ain't right, you gonna see the devil tonight. Devil tonight. I don't mean, I don't mean, I'm just trying to do things really right. Woo!

I don't know. I don't Woo! I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where we going. Where we going. We definitely gonna leave here. We gonna leave here. Oh, yes, my dear. Oh, yes, my dear.

I said, I don't know. I don't know. Where I'm going. Where I'm going. Where I'm going. We're going to leave here. We're going to leave here. I'll see you later. You're my friends.

Oh, Sparky. There we go. Mr. Sparky. There we go. You're rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sparky. All right. Oh, you know. Oh, go. You're rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Sparky. All right.

Oh, you know. Oh, Nick. Something fell. That was my phone. That was my phone. Okay, cool, cool. All right, Sparky. Thank you, Sparky.

See you next week, bro. Enjoy your weekend. Yeah. Oh, shit. I loved in the first one, he was about to be like, you all are my br... I love you guys. He started to say, you all are my br... I love you guys. He started to say,

you guys are my brothers and then pulled the parachute real fucking fast. That's cool. That was fun. I like that. Yeah, a little bit of... Sparky's in and out.

He gets what he needs to do. Go for it. And he bounces. Very soulful. Is that his... Losey. ...song that he's performed? I don't know if he's like...

It was. It was his first EP. Much for an't know if he's on his first EP. He's still on his first, yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess so. Kind of a similar source material. It was a cool... That's how blues was, though. There was like four melodies in all of blues anyway.

I want to go to a blues bar. That would be awesome. Yeah. Guys or blues. Arthur's in West Village is a good blues bar. All right. Boom. Done.

Yeah. There you've been. Oh, yeah. Many times. Sass is an old soul. I sold his soul at the crossroads to listen to blues music. You know, it's a great blues bar in Chicago is. Fuck. Chicago is full of them, though. Chicago what's a great blues bar in Chicago is, um, fuck.

Chicago's full of them, though. Chicago's got a great Even downtown, there's just a ton of them. Let me find it. Didn't we go to one, Sass?

No. I don't think we've ever been to Chicago. Alright, let me go fuck myself. I don't think we've ever been to Chicago together,

have we? I heard that there's a great jazz bar, Robbie Fox went out and, like and smoked a joint on his deck, and his neighbor he met, also who he shares a deck space with, they own a jazz bar in 125th and Harlem or something like that.

I have been meaning to go, because imagine knowing the owner at the fucking jazz bar. How fucking cool would that feel? That's hip. That's cool. Going through the back door or something? Probably in the way that new york is set up there's not like actually a back door like that but still the whole thought process of it nick when you move to chicago are you going to

join an improv troupe no secretly oh god now Imagine if we caught you doing that. Oh, I'd be ruined. I think the Chicago office should become the improv office, and then the New York office is the stand-up office. It's fair to still call this one the comedy if we're just doing improv. We're going to need a word, a deadly disease, and a race. Oh, yeah, Kingston Mines in Chicago. It's really, really fun. It's big, too, two stages. They rotate. You'll watch a show, and there's really, really fun It's big too, two stages

They like rotate You'll watch a show and there's one and then they'll be like Alright, there's another show happening and the other one Everyone runs over to the next one like a festival stage It's really fun I remember I was there and there was this old ass lady Sitting in the front and she Gets up and she's got like a cane

And she walks onto the stage And right when she gets to where she's right in front of the microphone, instantly her line comes in. She timed it so perfect. It was awesome. That's so sweet. It is all about timing. Music and comedy, especially improv.

Are those the only two types of comedy? Improv and stand-up? Improv seems kind of like a racket though. Apparently for Second City first you have to join their D-team. improv and stand up improv seems kind of like a racket though like apparently for second city first you have to join their like d team francis was in an improv and pay for classes which caroline was saying the classes were like 700 a class or something like that and like how many classes i feel like are maybe one of the more stupid things you had to pay for... Improv is a weird thing. You need other people for it, kind of, and then you need...

It's all rules-based. Yeah, yes and. I feel like once you start treating comedy like some science, it becomes water. It's mid-level marketing for class clowns. Yeah, wow. The only way to get good at it is just to do it. Yeah, it is.

It is. Those really good improvisers are pretty funny. I want to start a physical comedy troupe. Slapstick. Slapstick troupe. That shit is good. That's what wrestling basically is. But those guys need a different outlet.

There needs to be an outlet for goofy wrestlers who want to just get smacked in the back of the head with a ladder or something like Three Stooges. I'm sure there's local teams. Slapstick? Yeah. There should be. But there's only a couple outlets for physical comedy, like the Blue Man Group and shit like that.

Yeah, yeah, true. What would you call NELC? Are they a physical comedy troupe? What are they, pranks? That's how they started. NELC and Andrew Schultz beef? Yes. It was awesome.

We watched it. Yeah, I watched some of it. I thought it was pretty underwhelming. I didn't really understand what happened. I think it was just they wouldn't put out the episode. That's what happened? They mean girls to him? Yeah.

But they eventually put it out, though. Yeah, they put it out recently, right? It was just an uncomfortable conversation. Yeah, they didn't really know who he was. They just knew. What? Yeah, it was really weird. They just knew he had a huge following.

It was like, all right, this guy's really famous. We should have him on. But then they were asking him questions. They were like, have you ever responded to a heckler? Yeah. And he's like, all right, you guys clearly haven't even seen a clip of my comedy. Also, he's been doing comedy for like 20 years.

Has anyone ever interrupted your set? Have you ever seen someone be on your phone? Yeah. like that's the those are the best questions you guys have wow that is pretty tough but he was also someone of his caliber yeah he was just like what are you guys what are we doing here he was very uh upfront about it he wasn't having having it i i like that about him he's just my question is why did he go on the show in the first place? I think it was promoting a special. This was last year. This was like November of last year that we recorded it.

And they're a popular-ass podcast as well. Huge, right? Yeah. Both using one another. Symbiotic. Also, I think it was probably a UFC thing where a bunch of people were in town. That's the vibe that I got from it. You picked up a UFC in town vibe?

I got a very UFC vibe. That's what it all, I mean, the Nelk boys are always at a UFC thing, I feel like. Yeah, Dana White loves that. Always with Dana White.

I watched the Jake Paul Untold documentary last night. Oh, that's out? Yeah. Came out two days ago. You watch it alone? Yeah. That's pretty gay.

Yeah, it is, dude. Is it? Yeah. No, you're good. Well, I don't know. There's something in it that I wanted to tell you guys about, but if you haven't seen it,

I'm not going to spoil it. I don't know. You're good. Feel free to spoil. Jake Paul... Viewers. Accuses his dad of abusing him physically. Whoa.

Beating him up when he was a kid. And then the dad sort of denies it early in the doc. And then later he goes, I don't know why he's so worried about that. Look at your life. Whatever I did worked out. my god says that or him and his dad not on speaking terms it's so strange there's a moment right before one of jake's biggest fights i don't know one of the fucking massive pay-per-view record fights where uh they're in the locker room and the dad logan is standing next to them and the dad says to jake like how you doing

and jake is like good i'm chilling and then logan comes up to the dad and is like i heard you and jake aren't on speaking terms and the dad's like i don't know like where we're at you know i'm not sure you know him one minute and you realize that the the whole power dynamic has shifted because now Jake Paul is this mega star who makes oodles of money and can probably at that point beat up his dad. Now his dad is walking on eggshells and wants to make sure he can stay in Jake's circle. Not get beat up. Or taken off presumably the payroll. Interesting. The point when you can beat up your dad is a weird family shift.

I'm not there yet. I don't think I'll ever be there. Oh yeah, your dad is like a fucking Iron Man triathlete type body. Beautiful body. Incredible lats, deep lats that go down to the top of his ass. Did he make you feel him?

Oh yeah. I rode those things. It was at the ski slope his ass. Did he make you feel them? Oh, yeah. I rode those things. Was that the ski slope show? Yeah, he did make you feel them. I was groping the bottom of his lats. And they're so low. Yeah. He could have dangled right down.

I still can't even open a bottle of soda after my dad closes it. That's a massive issue for me. He'll close the diet coke bottle too tight they do close it tight they've mastered it and I have to like go find him and be like can you open this I could destroy my dad would you?

yeah what about you Francis? I don't like to think about it I never would would you pummel him? you yeah yeah what about you Francis I don't I don't like to think about it it makes me never would it is to me is a would you pummel him you definitely could definitely okay you could probably pummel most people that age just most people yeah maybe but to face that reality saddens me because it's a sign of his mortality. He was always mortal.

Yeah, always. I guess I mean the reality that my dad is... Oh, the second I can beat up my dad, it's on. My dad used to have a fight club. My dad was like, when you turn 18, we're going to fight. For the first 18 years of my life, every day my dad would be like, when you turn 18, you're going to beat your ass. Put a countdown in the living room. Yeah.

With a male brain, we'll think about fighting on a daily basis, constantly, and then go 30, 50, 70 years without ever doing it. I hope to never do it. Yeah, we never fought. Damn. What? He'll punch me in the back sometimes, though, and it really hurts. Your dad? Yeah, I'll just be walking and he'll just punch me in the back and laugh though, and it really hurts. Your dad? Yeah, I'll just be walking, and he'll just punch me in the back and laugh,

and I'll fall to the ground because it hurts so much. Does he pour milks on your head, too, and shove you in lockers? No. Are you the son of a goy dad? Oh, yeah. No, other way. He's a goy dad. Son of a goy mom.

What is that? You don't know what a goy means? No. Which half is of your... A goy means... Jewish. Oh, I'm not up to date on the slang. No, my dad's Jewish.

It's a very old slang. My dad's Jewish. He's a goy, I guess. No, no. A goy is non-Jewish. A goy is... Oh, I'm a son of a goy mom. Jewish people call non-Jewish people.

My mom is a goy. My dad is a Jew. Let's go. So then you're not. Christian-ass dad is abusing his Jewish son. No, my dad's Jewish. Okay. Oh.

Oh, so that's cool. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Just punching you in the back. Does he like a boxer? He'll give me like 10% strength, and it brings me to the floor. How's he so strong? He just works out. Really? He'll give me like 10% strength and it brings me to the floor. How's he so strong? He just works out.

Really? He always has. You have good grip strength? You have a jacked dad. No, because then he had a heart attack and now he's skinny as fuck. Way to bring it down. Way to bring the vibe down. I mean, that's what happened.

Now he just runs like 13 miles a day. I'm kidding. I don't mind knowing that about your dad. Sometimes really healthy people randomly have heart attacks. Ronnie James. Yeah. That's just terrifying. Young, healthy people.

Healthy, athletic people. What's the fallout from that? I don't know yet. I don't know what the – I think it's been pretty private, right? Is he going to be able to come back and play? There was a guy named Keontae Johnson who played for Florida that had a heart attack on

the court. He came back and played. But it was like a year later. Damar Hamlin's in practice scrimmages and stuff. Madden Redding went down from last year. Really? Yeah. I'm surprised they didn't. Stamina zero. Injuries high.

This guy's got no heart. Yeah, but I think that Pete Maravich, I think, died prematurely from a heart attack. I think that it comes to... If I had one, I don't know if I would continue to play. You don't play anything.

What, Pokemon? Yeah, I can't... That battle against Lance was too intense. Damn, that would be such I can't believe that. That battle against Lance was too intense. Damn, that would be such a shitty way to go. Gotta get back out there. Having to lie to your coworkers about why you had a heart attack. Are you concerned about how many sports people are going to be playing in the Chicago office?

Yeah, every single day. Are you working on your jump shot? No, dude. I don't have... No, there is like nothing to build up. There is no clay to mold. I just don't have it. Same, bro.

So I'm just going to avoid the giant basketball court in the center of the office. I thought everyone was... I thought you looked pretty good in the softball. Nobody expected you to be a pro softball player, but I thought you looked pretty good. Basketball, you can't fake basketball. You're not lucky with baseball at all. It's impossible.

But the good thing is that there's no one at the company that's really that good at basketball, except for maybe Mark Titus. I mean, Mark Titus, yeah. Brandon. Yeah. Supposedly. That shit was, that's terrifying. Brandon got in a bad car accident?

Yeah. Oh, yeah and and was this he said that there were seven people he told and one of them was nick yeah like bob dylan then he randomly texted me the other night and i think he was trying to gauge if i had heard like he wanted to see if i was gonna sit like be like dude i'm so glad you're alive but i hadn't heard i uh texted me all week, didn't say a word about it. The first thing I asked him, though, is what song was playing. Because when I hydro-played once, it was scary, and I can't listen to the song anymore. Was it a good song? No, not really. It was just a random loop. It was a Panic at the Disco song.

Which one? Death of a Bachelor. So what was his answer? He said no. There was a song playing. He didn't tell me, but he said he doesn't care. But we'll see. Wouldn't it be kind of ironic if Brain had this? If there was no rain.

I was just going to say, if he had this incredible rise to fame, got a show here with the theme song, or with the song entrance of No Rain, and then got killed in a rainstorm. Yes, that would have been ironic. Ironic is the word I would choose. The irony. Our dead co-worker. It was for sure. He's really shaken up.

It's like 10,000 spoons and all you need is a knife. He did buy a new Jeep. He's been sending me cars. Well, here's... Speaking of Brandon Walker. What do I watch? Wrangler.

Quite interesting. I have a question. Yeah, what is it? You seen a Walker lately? Have you seen those Walkers that elderly people use for stability? I haven't seen that many. Why is two gutted tennis balls still the top technology that we have to keep those things steady. Yeah.

How is that as far as we've come? That's like if everybody who bought a car also had to buy a bugle to out the windows. We're not going to adjust that. Buy a bugle. As if it's not demoralizing enough that they need this thing to use to get around. You've got two bright neon tennis balls cut and gutted to what? To buy them, you have to go to the store with the most active people on earth. Athletes.

Yeah, they're going to Dick's with an X-Acto knife and ripping out the stuffing. Or I guess they're... There's no stuffing but still they're open swaggy maybe like it's like a mark of being like i don't know like it's it's like a little bit of a piece of flair or something i don't know i'm guessing there is new technology that old people like to use what they've always yeah the last three walkers i've seen have had the tennis balls yeah they should just be slick. Can we look up what the newest walker technology is? It's probably just those rascal scooters, the electronic ones.

Yeah. Or a stationary city bike. Or a wheelchair, yeah. Did any of your garages have the tennis ball on the string? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What was that for?

To park the car. And once you hit it, you knew you'd gone far enough? Yeah. It's on the windshield. You stop. Yeah, no, I didn't have that. You only had eight cars in the 12-car garage. We didn't even have a garage.

We parked outside in the elements. Whoa. In the morning. You actually always parked outside. So it was like the wheels, do the wheels run away from them? Wait, yeah, they got hand brakes. Oh. Yeah, but the elderly don't really have the grip strength to.

That's a really good sale right now. Yeah, what? That must be trash. They're giving that away. You should buy that for Nate. What are the colors? Is he back on his feet these days? Yeah, he's got the boot, right? I think so.

He came in shuffling in like a Six Flags commercial. Summer of Nate. Anytime this summer I've been sad or anything, I've thought of Nate and it's cheered me up. Why? Because you have it better than him? Because you're on two feet? That's fucked up.

Could be worse. Yeah. Could be covered in milk. That's a pinnacle, baby. Killed me. I watched that clip so many times. Yeah. That made me laugh so hard.

I'm glad people that outside of these walls are seeing the mystique of Meek Phil. The dog shit step. He's an interesting lad. Meek Phil. Yeah. Who put this dog shit here? That was his response to stepping on dog shit. He's the only person in the office banned from doing crosswords.

Why? He walked up one day while we were doing the crossword, Googled the answer, said it, still wrong answer. Banned. One person on the list. Who made the call to ban him? Austin. Yeah.

He's like, this dude's fucking out of here. Get him out of here. That's hilarious. Yeah. Just abject refusal. I know he knows that TH sounds exist i know he knows it and he just refuses to use the th sound he's acting is he a despion oh man it's so pure i fucking love it i also have been noticing I have a new ick

if I could share it with you guys it's when people make a D instead of a double T sound like when someone says Manhattan oh yeah I don't like that either Frank the Tank doesn't he do that with like every word Frank gives you the ick he's allowed to do whatever he wants

motherfucker but he doesn't say Manhattan. He has a different swing to it. I say with instead of with sometimes. It's annoying.

Is that an accent thing though? No. The way you say S-A-W Saw. Yeah, I say Saw. I don't mind it though.

I think that's an accent thing. It sounds British. Exactly. It's cool because the Brits do that. Right. With all my brothers like Donnie. You're going out with us.

I thought I spoke 100% perfectly normal. And then I started working here. People would just be like, he says that weird, that weird. You hit your T's hard. That guy accused you of being a Biden supporter and tried to stab you solely based on how you talked. Yeah, that's... What did you say? Just like you enunciate your words.

He's like, this guy definitely voted for Biden. I'm going to fucking stab him. That sucked. That was my first work trip. You got to talk more blue collar. Yeah. You make a U sound out of a long A sound sometimes. I think that might be Pittsburgh-y.

Yeah. Like za becomes za. Oh, yeah. That type of thing. But everybody has accents. No one is without them. Except for maybe a little Sasquatch. What?

I don't have an accent. That's what I just said. Oh. My buddy keeps on calling me. Which one? Buddy! Pick it up. Pick it up. Who is it?

I'd love to meet him. No, he's my friend Bo. Of course. It's always Bo. Always. Such a not funny thing. Stop typing like that too. Stop typing with your pinky like that.

I was entering the password into my phone. What's not a funny thing? What else do you want me to say? What else do people want me to say? I don't know. It's always Bo. Sorry, my friend. Just start calling him by his first name as if he's part of the show.

Yeah, and then people are going to be like, people are going to get mad at that and fucking win. Can't do anything, right? It's fucking bullshit, man. It's fucking bullshit. I'm curious what you guys are all doing this weekend. I'm going to pack up my apartment, man. You need help?

No. Fuck. I'm not doing it, actually. I guess I've got shows all weekend. You've probably got shows at the stands. I've got to fly to Ireland tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Wow.

Getting married a week from tomorrow Hey Oh Wait a minute You have a bachelor party Hey You have a bachelor party right now After the show

I did not have time to do it Like I'm already making all my friends fly to Ireland Yeah Didn't want to also like make them fly somewhere for a bachelor party Makes sense But I still would love to do one So can you do a Yes

The night before That's a thing That's like more old fashioned traditional That's good But I still would love to do one. So can you do a Blake? Yes. Like before? That's a thing. That's like more old-fashioned traditional. That's good. Crack a couple of noons. I could just wait four years and just throw like a 40th birthday party. Hold the credit. I think you should wait 20 years.

Yeah. That's what my friend's doing. I feel like it's a harder sell when my friends go to their wife and they're like, all right, I got to go to Donnie's bachelor party. And they're like, he got married two years ago. No, you're not going. That's why 20 years from now, when you're 50. Donnie swims with hippos and shit, dude.

20 years is a tall thing. What is that in your hand? This is a, I don't know if they're a sponsor of the app. Have you had one? I got, wait, what is it? A proper wild. Oh, okay. Nevermind.

Wrong thing. I thought it was something else. Are you talking about the- You think it was Kratom? No, I thought it was one of those like drink before you drink things. Oh no, but PFT gave me one of those a couple of weeks ago and I think it actually worked. Did it? I don't know if it was the placebo, but the next morning, like, the edge was taken off my hangover.

Really? Yeah. Some sort of, I don't know, supplement. Dude, I don't get hangovers when I have high noons. It's something crazy about the high noon. I think it's the low calorie count mixed with the lack of gluten mixed with the incredible flavors of them. And the lack of malt, I think, helps, too. Yeah, there's no malt.

There's no malt, and it just changes everything. It's got that clean finish too like you can taste the hangover not happening in your mouth with every sip and then you combine that with the fact that they have flavors like passion fruit lime strawberry grapefruit i mean the tequilas are just absolutely elite out of this world they truly are out of this world i world. One of the first things I moved into my new apartment was a fresh case of High Noons. And look at them just dancing up there in the fucking moonlight. Oh my gosh. You can get them for yourself on Drizzly or at your local convenience or liquor store. Or visit highnoonsbeers.com to find some delightful, delicious, delectable High Noons.

Here you go. Yum. And do I love high noons. KB, you have an answer. What are you doing this weekend? This weekend I'm going to Maresh's tonight to play video games. Okay. What's the restaurant called I want to try?

You want to try Winsun. Winsun. Oh, my God. It's incredible. Do you know it? Oh, my God. What was the item? Can you come with us?

Taiwanese. And it's like it was started By an American guy who lived over there for a while And just fell in love with the cuisine and he's a chef And then he brought it back started a restaurant in Queens And smash burgers are incredible The fried chicken I've always wanted to do that I thought I'd be accused of cultural appropriation

You've done the time If I opened up a Chinese place Chinese people would be like what the fuck this guy is taking all our business yeah i mean he's he's uh written up and everything i think the premier item is their bacon egg and cheese is on a scallion pan oh i've heard of that try that sounds amazing yep that is hilarious to be like mine is around the corner yeah they also you got to have the fly's head. It's all the ricey dishes that are so, so good. In COVID, they started delivering, and they hadn't done that before, and we used to order it constantly.

And now sometimes they'll open up their, they'll toggle their delivery thing on when they're, like, not super busy, but they're pretty busy. That's out in Queens, right? Williamsburg? Yes. Getting a plate of food that's out in Queens Williamsburg getting a plate of food that's delicious and then finding out that like a white person cooked it

and being disgusted is hilarious I make myself vomit what the hell is this like a vegetarian who ate meat accidentally for the first time like what a fucking white person cooked this Chinese food being incensed by it I think if food tastes good that's

a pretty good meritocracy andrew zimmer was canceled because he opened up i think like a chain of high-end chinese food in the midwest and like he was like finally like the people of the midwest deserve like high quality chinese food and finally they can get it at my restaurants and all the people who like the Chinese people that own restaurants in the Midwest were like, what the fuck? And so I think he had to like backstep and I don't know, maybe it's just like,

yeah. The food. I never tried his spots there. Doesn't matter if the food tasted good. Don't you get it? KB. I know he was sort of canceled for that though. What?

Larry Nassar made that menu. He got stabbed though, so we can all really enjoy that. He got stabbed? In jail, badly. Yeah. Oh, shit. Bizarre Foods host fired after calling Chinese restaurants in the Midwest horse shit. Oh.

I think they canceled his show for that. Oh, my God. Damn. I'll be. Maybe he just had some bad experiences. I mean, the Rangoons in the Midwest are better than New York. Maybe he's a quarter Japanese like KB. Yeah.

Yeah. I wouldn't be shocked. I feel like I know someone who's a quarter Japanese that looks like KB. Yeah? Does anyone here know a Japanese person? Yeah, I have one Japanese friend. I actually met him in Japan. He's from New York.

And then my first time in Japan, he's like, I'm a huge fan of Barstool. He moved to Japan after college. He was like, let's meet up. I'll show you around. Ended up being a great guy. Ziyan. Shout out Ziyan. He took me out to eat raw horse. Raw?

Raw horse. Incredible. I bet it was. Very good. Horse is good, or zebra was good, so I imagine horse is good. Yeah, it was served like sushi, a little slab of raw horse on a little nugget of rice. Wow. Oh, man.

That is... What color was the meat? Bright red. Yeah. Does that trouble you? I don't know. I prefer my animal that I'm going to eat to be caged up in a small-ass area that they cannot move until the moment they're slaughtered. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm trying to think. Did you ever see the movie Seven Years in Tibet? No. I know that Bradad pitt was um banned from china for like five years because of that really yeah he eats raw horse in that and it i was a kid when i saw it and it stayed with me but i guess i've eaten horse but it was cooked did you eat horse in the u.s no and uh i I ate it in Iceland. Sash. Yeah, because I think it's illegal in the U.S.

It's cheap. Cheap alternative to cow. Wait, it was not cheap. This was like the most expensive meal I had there. You got scammed, brother. They probably charge it more for Americans so they can't get it in America. Just for clogging our fucking toilet. Yeah.

Good luck trying to pass this. A dense- ass horse. Yeah. Horse ass. Are horses more dense than cows? Muscular, certainly. Horses are so muscular. It's insane.

I've got, there's a stable near this place I go to now and I'll go in there and just pat the horses a lot. It's awesome. It's really therapeutic. They scare the fuck out of me. Horses scare me so much.

Once you get over that and you can put your face against theirs and you hold their neck and you whisper to them. I never got people saying they're beautiful too. They're the most beautiful animal. Stunning. And like fuckable

beautiful too. Yeah. I guess I'm in authority here. I think they are like aesthetically beautiful like a mountain. Yeah, I can see that. But not like sexy. So what animal is to you?

I don't think any of them are. Some are more closer to human sexy. A cheetah or a leopard is pretty sexy. Sexy. Female lion. I mean, a lion king. What has a good body as an animal? What is a sexy body?

A dolphin's vagina looks extremely fuckable. Oh, my God. TJ, can you bring up a photo of... TJ, can you please bring up a photo of... No, no, we can't. We can't. No, we can't. I thought you were going to say realistic.

You mean not even realistic. We can't bring it up. It's extremely fuckable. Oh, no. That's all we need to know. No, no, we can't. Bring up the dolphin poon. No, no, no.

We're going to get banned. Dolphin poon. Bring it on here. Wait, I've got to find a good photo. There's no way we're going to be allowed to show it. Yeah, pass it around on the phone. Don't play with the screen. He's right.

He's right. He's right. Look at Zah. I can't even find a photo. Word to moms, what? And Zah just spent another monthly budget on OnlyFans. At the Baltimore Aquarium. Can we see this?

I can't even find it. I mean, it's an exact. No, we'll get taken down. Find it on your phone. It's an exact replica. Wow. Of what? Oh, okay, yeah.

You got a fat pom-pom. Exactly that. Exactly that, a fat pom-pom. Exactly that. Exactly that, a fat pom-pom. Oh. Who said Batman don't dance? I mean, it's just like, yeah. Who told you dolphins don't dance? It looks clean.

It looks... Imagine the smell, though. You have thought about it. I mean, I think that people have that feeling about sheep But for me it's horses Yeah like If someone says that girl is built like a horse I think that's a compliment

No way Absolutely not My boy comes like You're talking about a horse face That's bad Just like a horse She's built it means she's like like very thick and got like you want her ass and you want to throw that in your wedding vows next week and see what happens

when i first saw you you're so much more than being built like a horse someone you want anchoring your tug of war to my first i was attracted to just your horse-like figure soon i realized there was much more kanye has a lyric like that like nice as bum be when i met him at the source awards girl he had with him ass could have won the horse awards yeah i'm with you donnie i think these guys are shaming you while they're trying to fuck dolphin or whatever they're trying to do. Maybe specifically the ass, if you had an ass like the ass of a horse, maybe, but if you're saying she's built overall like a horse, that to me invokes a very muscular woman

with very squared shoulders and kind of... She's driving railroad spikes every day. Yeah. What animal then? What animal are you... So you're sticking with cats? Big cats? I'm trying to think of an animal that has nice boobs.

I'm not really into bestiality. Donnie was right. The dolphin does have an undeniably clean pussy. It probably smells like water. Sass is too good for talking. The dolphin pussy smells like water. Yeah, well apparently that's the sign of a clean vagina. It should smell like water. smells like water. Yeah, well, apparently that's the sign of a clean vagina.

It should smell like water. Like pool water. Like pool water. Yeah. Not ocean water. No, no, you don't. Or river water. No.

Probably like tap water. Yeah. Scentless tap water. It should smell like New York tap. That's how you know. Mineral rich. Yeah, that's how you know someone has a clean vagina. You know Lake Baikal?

I don't know how to pronounce it. Yeah, it's in Russia know someone has a clean vagina. You know Lake Baikal? I don't know how to pronounce it. It's in Russia? I never knew how deep it is. Enough deep to fill up the entirety of Asia and Africa with five feet of water. What? Is it fresh water? I don't think. Because I know the Great Lakes are like the majority of the world's fresh water.

Yeah. Flex. Flex by us. We have it right there. Just whenever we want. They're saying that's where to go when climate change starts. Yeah, they said it's the Great Lakes. Next war is going to be a water war.

The U.S. is the best geographic country in the world. Like, it's the best set up geographically. Yeah, we're so lit. Or the future. So, yeah. Really? Yeah, we're in great shape comparatively. Well, I mean, none of us will be here, but, you know.

So, Shaz, no animals? You're not a jellyfish or anything like that? No, none for me. Wow. Wow. I can't think of an animal. Yeah, it keeps coming back to the

feline family. That's a good thing that you can't think of. We should not be able to think of any. Monkeys are gross. Louis C.K. has that bit where he's like if no one ever told me not to fuck dogs, I would definitely

be fucking dogs. That's like human instinct not to. That's a great comedian and you can't think of one that you... Unbelievable, Seth. A little more life experience,

I guess, is on the docket for you. We'll talk to you down the road. He's not bored of humans yet. Are you? I've been there for a long time. You've been bored of human? Yeah.

That's a dark road. Just going up and shushing a horse. Francis is going to the stables again. You don't top a horse. Francis is going to the stables again. Yeah, but you don't top a horse. You only bottom from a horse. Oh. Right? No.

That's how Catherine... There's a community that fucks donkeys. Right. As tradition. Like the boys turn 13 or they hit puberty, then they go to fuck the donkey. Really? Fuck the donkey. The donkey doesn'tberty, then they go to fuck the donkey. Really? Fuck the donkey. The donkey doesn't do that.

Yeah, they fuck the donkey. Yeah. Sure. But I think a horse is just too, how are you going to? You have to get like a ladder. How are you going to do that? They're just trying to hone their craft. How would you do it vice versa?

I think you need a team of people to help you. Isn't that how Mr. Hands died? Yeah. And look what happened to him. He died. Picked the wrong horse. That's what it was. I think even the smallest horse cock is still a little too big for a human.

There's got to be some micros in that community. We cannot be the only mammal that's getting microed. Female hyenas have a penis. Learn that. That's actually true. Wait, what? Female hyenas have a fake penis that they, I don't know why. I think they use to maybe assert dominance over the male at times.

Yeah, they have a built-in strap-on. Don't they attack once they're done mating? They attack the guy or something crazy like that. They go after the guy. It's insane. Been there. Cannot trust these hoes. Nope.

Certainly cannot. The New York seating chart was leaked. Oh, yeah. What do you guys think? Francis, Sass, are you guys happy? Yeah, I'm happy. You know. Smoking stuff in the face of the mic.

Yeah. I like the people I'm sitting around. Also, you know. Who cares? Who cares? Is anyone here today? Or is it completely empty? People are here.

It's unfortunate. That's misleading. There's a ton of people here because all the desks are being deconstructed so everyone's in the gambling cave. Jack Mack posted the video earlier today. I don't know if you walked around and saw it. What did he say?

It was an all-time blunder or something like that? He said Barstool's a third world country. That's what Jack Mack said? Yeah, that was one of the things he said. So the prices are great and the food's delicious? You can barter for seashell necklaces. Yeah. Oh, yeah, everyone is in the gambling game.

Connor's jerking off. Come on. Imagine he was. Why did he just get so scared? I don't know. Is he watching the act? Pulled up dolphin pussy. Stuffing his dick away. Oh away oh man he's a grinder

though yeah big time he is a massive grinder i heard that people don't like that there's that it's video game central around here someone complained to me offline about that oh nate yeah someone was saying it's like a daycare for adults. I think the office looks like a pediatrician's waiting room. Okay. Yeah, we were talking about how they have the fucking Connect Four. We're going to get the wires with the pieces. Filed pieces, yeah.

We have a Connect Four that's literally for children so that you don't swallow the pieces. That's how big the pieces are. Most Connect Four, it's not that big. And I've been playing. Yeah. These massive plastic pieces. Just in case. Yeah. Their playpen is roped off with a little Mattel fence

so you don't stumble into the real workers. Yeah. People I guess are angry that yesterday was a bacchanal of gaming. I played games all day. You were off that fucking Fortnite. I played Fortnite 4 and then I came in second on Fortnite.

You did? Was there a crowd around you? I don't really know. Kareem seemed like weirdly mad that I was doing well. Why? You just kept on being like you're playing against all fucking bots. And I'm like, dude, I don't care. I haven't played.

I opened up the game and I haven't played this game in like five years. You also like connected it to your internet or something like that. Or like you, you like troubleshot it. No one had been able to set it up. You like did it within two seconds. Got under the hood. I just logged onto the barstool wifi. Boy genius.

They were trying to get onto the ethernet, but the ethernet wasn't working. So I just connected to the regularstool Wi-Fi. Boy genius. They were trying to get onto the Ethernet, but the Ethernet wasn't working, so I just connected to the regular Wi-Fi, and it works completely fine. And you fucking were building Dyson motherfuckers up like a vacuum cleaner. It was nice. It's funny that the seating chart came out, and every seat is spoken for. So just if one new person is added, what do you do? It's done.

No one can be added? It's one in, one out. It's applying. Paul's Casablanca. What? Just been spinning the wheel. Oh, you're bored? No.

Just has ADD out the ass. Just playing with this board. You're like Joyner Lucas with the ADD. I knew ADD was chalked when rappers were starting to talk about it. Who started that? Joyner Lucas has like his whole albums like attention deficit disorder is labeled as a disease that affects more than like what

it's just like doing a fucking voiceover album interlude about like the troubles and the trials and tribulations of having adhd how long was joining lucas around before people realized that he was like super corny i think people with every level of new fame i think people would be like oh shit he's tackling real life subjects. And then you listen to a couple more things and you're like, oh, no. This sucks. He's still the most famous rapper from Massachusetts at the moment. Oh, is he from Western Mass?

Springfield Mass, yeah. They know he's from Massachusetts. Yeah. Does that change your mind about him? Yeah, come on. No. What the fuck? Who is it?

Like him? He's got all these big rappers. Massachusetts just says Joyner Lucas. There's like a Western Mass guy. Yeah, Zass. What the fuck? Who is it? Like him? He's got all these big rappers. Massachusetts just says Joyner Lucas. There's like a Western mascot. Yeah, DJ Lucas. Have you seen that dude? Yeah, I think he has a good pen. His pen game is crazy.

His voice is just tough. And when you find him, TJ, this dude is like Western Mass. He's like Western Mass stand up. And he's always getting like 20,000 likes on his Twitter videos just rapping about going to Dunkin'. Do you guys follow Lil Mabu? Terminology? Cousin Stiz is great. That token guy is not good.

Token? Yeah. He raps fast. People like him though. Kind of reminds me of you. Token? Hell no. Saying you hate someone and then they immediately say it reminds you of them? Just in terms of like maybe age and appearance. I think saying you hate someone and then they immediately say it reminds you of them. Just in terms of like maybe age and appearance. I think Token's way older than me.

Could be. There was like an article of him in like the newspaper when I was in. Oh, okay. Oh, he must be ancient. O'Burnham. O'Burnham. John Cena. Why are they all slain?

They all look alike. Sammy Adams. I was at a wedding with him. He's from Massachusetts? Nope. Nope. Not at all. What the hell? That's not right. Bedford, Massachusetts. Okay, stand up. Bedford, let's go

They got style out there You guys big Bo Burnham fans? I like Bo Burnham I like Bo Burnham I like Bo Burnham He was supposed to play Francis Larry Bird

What happened? Was he supposed to play Larry Bird? I thought that too. Showtime. Because he's tall as fuck, isn't he? He had to film something else, so they had to find some other guy. He's super tall. He's like 6'6 or something.

What the hell? You good, Ellis? Good? Yeah, I'm a little tired because I ate a lot of those candy bars. What candy bars? No, I'm crashing. You went a little candy bars crazy. I have a, you know me, I have a lot of those candy bars. What candy bars? Now I'm crashing. You want a little candy bars? I have a, you know me, I have a problem.

Sweet tooth. I have a problem with candy and sweets. Maybe it's your blood telling you you need more sugar or something like that. Maybe there's a physiological reason. Well, typically I'll opt for fruit if I can, but I need to have dessert as a way of finishing my meal. And here we've got all this candy and I can't stop myself. They do have some fruits, though.

Apples and bananas. I've been eating a lot of those apples. I have been. I believe you. Amazon apples. What? I feel like all the fruit that we have here is coming from Amazon.com? Yeah. It just doesn't feel fresh. It comes in in massive boxes. I feel like all the fruit that we have here is coming from Amazon.com. Yeah.

It just doesn't feel fresh. No, no. It comes in in massive boxes. It was 3D printed for sure. All of a sudden they'll just be unboxing 7,000 oranges. Yeah, and they'll put some out and then they'll put the rest back in storage. Yeah. They've never been near a tree in their life. We get about six new heartens of oat milk per week.

Yeah. And I know the woman who sets them into the refrigerator, and I watch as she struggles to find new places for them because we don't even finish one. Yeah. So we have this surplus of them, and it needs to be refrigerated. Because Meek Phil only drinks whole. Yeah.

I haven't had a good glass of whole milk in a very long time. You want to go get one? Maybe. Perhaps. Two glasses of milk, please. Have you ever seen that video? You've never seen that? What was that?

This guy on the plane in the flight attendant is going by and he goes, two glasses of milk, please. Yeah, I have. And she's like, what was that? He goes, two glasses of milk, please. And she's like, we don't have milk. And he goes, all right, I'll just do Diet Coke. And she goes, Diet Coke's extra.

And he goes, all right, fuck it, never mind. Diet Coke's extra? Yeah, it's like a spirit flight. Sorry, but not all of us are in first. You don't fly spirit. Two glasses of milk, please. Two glasses of milk, please. Two glasses of milk, please. We don't milk, please. Two glasses of milk, please.

We don't have milk, sir. Oh, just... We just have water, juices... All right, Diet Coke? Yeah, we have Diet Coke. I'll do one of those. Just one of those? It's $4.

Forget it. That was great. That was an immediate response. That guy's videos are so good, too, because he wears the Snapchat glasses so they have no idea that he's from... What is this guy's name? Stingrays? Salty Stingrays? Oh, he's always cutting people off. He'll just ask somebody

for directions as soon as they start talking he'll be like, that's enough. Alright, we get it. Yeah, he's amazing. You know what's one of my favorite videos that I've been seeing a lot lately is the guy behind a student driver. And soon as it turns green, he's just hammering the horn.

The captions just like lights not getting any greener, buddy. Two glasses of milk, please. You know, InfraBren? He does the same shit. He's so funny. Well, tickle my pickle. We're all in a stickle. He'll just drink something nasty.

Dolphins or something. And people are always... The people that just linger. Yeah, the people will give him the time of day. He wears the glasses, goes up to random people in like his local Walmart and they're always creatures of Walmart

and they'll always, like he's disarming enough that they'll like kind of giggle with him for a little bit. His shit is so funny. He is one of the best. He's a fucking,

and he hasn't like strayed, he doesn't try to do other content. Wow. We gotta find some infrabrand. We gotta throw in some infrabrand. He's fucking incredible. There's this guy on TikTok do other content. We gotta find some InfraBren. We gotta throw in some InfraBren. He's fucking incredible.

There's this guy on TikTok who'll go up to people walking their dog and he'll make up a dog breed name. And he'll just walk onto work sites and say he was sent there to inspect. I'll find it for you. You'll like him too. There's this kid who's young who's doing these videos where he gets in

he's kind of a dick, but he has some funny ones where he gets into arguments with security people at malls. And then he gets like... He's like a child, and there's a grown man, and he'll be in the grown man's face and be like, You're on thin fucking ice, buddy. And the security guy's like, What? What are you going to do? What? And he's like, You better watch your fucking mouth. It's hilarious. But then I watched a lot of his other videos and they're really bad.

Ah, damn it. Oh my gosh, he's staring me down. Look at this guy. Oh yeah. That is one of the biggest, baddest dogs I've ever seen. Hi, buddy. What kind of dog is that? He's a golden doodle.

Is he? Nice. He's not asking everyone to throw the balls for him. Oh, really? Yeah. Buddy what kind of dog is that? Is he nice? Got the ball for Got it He's good at that shit dude you're awesome man I got a dog too yeah it's a coconut corn husky guys

yeah they're battle dogs yeah we battle them down in Miami Florida huh buddy Johnny Hamchick he's a ball addict come here Johnny Hamchick. That's right. I see. Oh, man. He's a ball addict. Come here.

Yeah. The studio is two minutes long. They're banned in seven and a half states, though. Yeah. We bat them down in Miami, Florida. Battle. Battle dog. Battle.

Battle. Why are they battle dogs? They don't battle other dogs, man. They battle stray cats. Yeah, you know, like, hold on, buddy. Let me give you a good one here. He said no. I can't watch this.

It's so uncomfortable. Like, walk onto work sites and stuff. He has no shame. Oh, man. That's great. Some people are missing that gene yeah and donnie you're a little bit close that yeah i thought those new glasses could only record for like 30 seconds at a time though which is why i've not bought a pair but i used to buy some donnie i used to have that pair in china and it was great they had no idea you were filming them i wore one of those to go do the scientology uh thing i did a i did a

oh yeah personality test yeah um and then they gave me the results and it was a woman and she was just the sweetest person alive and i felt so bad that i didn't put the video out those classes are hilarious yeah i was using those shades in china we were filming like a prank where you walk up and you ask them to um you ask people to play your flute in chinese but that's slang for give me a blow job over there oh yeah and then they're like mortified but then you take out an actual flute it was wait till jackal gets it it was very late but then this one lady was like oh yeah i know people who can play your flute and so we follow her for like 10 minutes and she takes us into this whorehouse no there's like 20 girls in bikinis

and they all start like coming out of their little rooms and she's like 100 r&b which is 15 bucks she's like they'll play your flute and then we took out the actual flute in the middle of the whorehouse and they're all like oh my god holy shit like you were talking about an actual flute and then um just like brushed us out of the place we put out that vid and then the cops showed up at my friend's place and was like you need to show us where that whorehouse is we need to get our dicks yeah like you have to get our dick sucked right now Yeah, like that's illegal. We have to get our dicks sucked right now. I think we got that place shut down, so I feel pretty bad about it. Way to go.

Yeah. Poor horse. Good job cleaning up the streets. I wonder what they would do. Just go to another place and suck dick? Yeah, I mean, 100 RMB, that's fucking steel. I can't believe the currency is named R&B. Yeah.

It stands for Rem and B. I don't know what that means. What's the B? I don't know what that means. And then it's also called Yuan. I thought it was, oh, no. Rem and B. There was a rapper in China.

He put out a song called, like, Red Money. We got that red money. There was a Chinese rapper who used to drop the N-word a lot. I was like, I don't think they have a pass. No. Yeah. Who's checking them over there, though? Rem and B.

People's currency. Interesting. He needs to apologize like Fauci. Red money. You saw Kai Sinat. How do you say his last name? Sinat or Sinat? Sinat.

Kai Sinat was reacting to Fousey's video, and he was like, I thought he was black. But he was also like, I know a million Middle Eastern bros in New York that can say it whenever they want. That video was hilarious. Yeah. Fousey, is he that? Did you see he did the 24-hour stream, and you could pay.

He was trying to sleep. And you could pay to have a bot say anything. And then they had a bot turn his Siri up to volume 10. And it blew his eardrums out. That's hilarious. Fuck him. Fuck his fucking eardrums. Fuck it.

WWE though. WWE 2K23. You can play for free this weekend on Steam. Donnie needs his WWE character. Francis needs a WWE character. Francis needs a WWE character. Stop playing with my men. You can play on Steam from August 3rd to August 7th or on Xbox One or Series XS from the 3rd to the 6th.

Also available on Xbox for Xbox Gold and Xbox Live Gold and Xbox Game Pass Ultimate Subscribers. The Deluxe Edition will be on sale from the 2nd to the 16th on PlayStation 4 and 5. But really, you should just be locking into this game. Oh, my God, there's Donnie and there's Shohei. Oh, shit. Shohei's got the barrel belly.

That's really well done of Donnie. That is the length that you wear your shorts. Exactly how I looked probably last year. I've since lost a little bit of weight but oh but yeah i look yoked right there your biceps look incredible i was just learning about long biceps versus short biceps kb do you know yeah what's the bottom what's the difference between them sure the short ones look more pronounced they go like mountain peaks who's the nba player with the tiny uh tiny biceps yeah he looks he looks like he'd be 5'2".

Desmond Bain? Everyone was making fun of him on Twitter last year. What was his name? Maybe Desmond Bain. It could be. He is jacked up. He's all shoulders. But he would be an incredible 2K23 character.

And once you're all playing 2K23 on Steam or on Xbox, you could take a screenshot of your character and submit it to the Yak via social platforms with the hashtag Barstool2KSweepstakes. The best submission will be receiving a custom WWE 2K slash Yak championship belt. You know that that shit was game worn. You know that shit has the sweat and skin remnants of actual Yakers from the studio. Just a quick reminder, SummerSlam is this weekend and WWE 2K23 is also

free to play on Xbox and Steam all weekend. So here's everyone's chance to jump into the SummerSlam ring with your own superstar in WWE 2K23. Mm-hmm. Have you guys been getting these Instagram ads for the mouth tape?

No. No? Oh, I tried that for a while. How was it? Well, it's terrifying. You wake up in the middle of the night and you think you've been kidnapped. Yeah. And you're being held. I was trying to imagine bringing a girl home and being like,

can you tape me up tonight? Tape yourself up? Yeah, just turning around and you just have a fucking patch over your face. What's the material of the tape? Can you breathe the tape can you breathe like sport tape or medical tape you don't need special tape you can use medical tape of some kind but it's so comfortable it does force you to breathe out of your nose which is what you're supposed to do when you sleep obviously i breathe out of my i don't think i breathe out of my mouth when i'm sleeping well i do i end up doing it i do if i do i wake up with a sore throat like i know when i do first ride to sleep i did it for a while and uh i just kept waking up with nightmares that i was

either like drowning or suffocating and i couldn't handle it yeah fuck that yeah because you you try your i don't know my body would try to take a breath out of my mouth, and I couldn't. And then all of a sudden I'd wake up and, you know, I hadn't breathed in a while. I got a deviated septum, bro. This shit might kill me. Yeah. Sucked. Yeah, that shit is terrifying.

Dumb. I can't believe that there's that large of a population that just is on a CPAP machine. Yeah. That massive part of the population is slipping into a Bane mask every night. They have to stay on their back and they're linked to a machine just so they don't fucking die in their sleep.

Some woman on... Maybe they sleep so well though. You think so? Yeah. Some woman on a plane, on the plane back from Chicago this past week, I had put my bag up in the overhead next to hers very carefully, and she asked me if I would flip it around because she thought it was touching her bag, and she had a sleep machine in it.

And I said, okay. So I readjusted it, and then when we got off the plane, she asked me to take her bag down, and I started to take it down, and she goes, okay, so I readjusted it, and then when we got off the plane, she asked me to take her bag down, and I started to take it down, and she goes, gently, gently, I have a sleep machine in there. You should have spiked it. That would piss me off.

You don't get to direct the way that I help you with your bag, I don't think. In fact, I'm ready to not do that anymore. Did I ever tell you about the time when I was, there was this lady with like a child sitting next to me on the plane. And like the whole flight I had to like be like picking shit up and stuff. And then we were getting off the plane and she was like, do you mind grabbing my bag? And I was like, yeah, of course. And there's like a massive suitcase, very heavy suitcase.

And I'm like standing there and I'm like pulling the suitcase down, like struggling get it down and then I get down she's like oh no that's not my bag and she was like that's my bag and she points and it's literally just like an empty paper bag with like one thing in it and I was like why did you just watch me take down this massive suitcase for 10 minutes yeah I think new mothers have had it too good for too long we're coddling the women folk Yeah I think we're setting them back

New mothers Need to cut maternity leave By half Historically depressed Are they now? Oh yeah Oh yeah Right?

Postpartum? Postpartum depression It's real Sass's hometown Had like the most Yeah it was like a Depressing story of all time Massive like murder It was like the most yeah it was like a pressing story of all time massive like murder it was crazy that was sold like all it's not like a good story it's okay

this was like very recent too she had post-mortem psychosis killed all of her kids and then killed a husband she sent the husband out to pick up food and while he was gone she um killed the three kids oh my god i'm fuck i wish so here it says on the prep sheet max of pmc says titty while he was gone, she killed the three kids. Oh, my God. I'm, fuck, I wish. So here it says on the prep sheet, Max of PMT says titty fucking is overrated. Titty fucking is overrated. And then the second bullet point is,

Jake says he's done it multiple times and loves it. Oh, no. Imagine walking in on Jake titty fucking. Is there anyone that has ever titty fucked and, like, started from, from like just a freshly hard dick and then just went from there titty fucking to completion? I don't know. I feel like titty fucking's got to be like a spur of the moment, like random two second thing.

Right? I mean, let's get Jake on the line. Jake's a savant. He's a mountain climber. Yeah, that just blew my mind. I can't believe, I never wanted to picture Max or Jake titty fucking, but here I am

just thrust into that. Che, why do you say, where do you stand on titty fucking? Like, above my tiptoes? Typically, I kneel. Zara rubbing his hands together like Birdman. What is a titty fucker looking for?

Soft, jiggly breasts or firm, harder breasts? Is any of us, are any of us a titty fucker? I know I'm not. Not a titty fucker. I would say that the breasts are actually less important

than the hand roof. Oh. The hand roof? The hand roof? Yeah, important than the hand roof. Oh, the hand roof? The hand roof? Yeah, you need the hand roof that holds the breasts together. I thought you meant the top. And then creates the tunnel top. There you go.

You can also use two hands. There's a man who likes to fuck some breasts. That with soft and jiggly. Yeah. That right there. Yeah, you don't want a hardworking woman. You don't want a calloused roof shaving the top of your member. Interesting.

I need to know Jake Marsh's take on this. Is there a clip of Jake admitting this? You guys are all thinking, you're thinking about a woman who's just shoving her breasts together, and then that's enough, and typically that's not and that's typically that's not enough you need an interlock of the hands i'm surprised they don't sell something like that

biologically how like do you i don't know how what's the most comfortable way to do it uh well there are i've seen it where they'll do it, but I don't know anything about that. I've never heard of that in real life. But then you just get up on there and then you do it. Like you're having intercourse with their breasts. And they love that. Sounds like a lot of work. I feel like you said absolutely nothing

i am trying to say talk about it as uh with as much of a gentlemanly flair as possible sure okay yeah i feel like that can't be fun for a girl right well it sure is it sure is not literally like if a girl was just just rubbing her vagina on your back. Oh, no. There's more than that. There can't be any enjoyment for them. I think it's good seeing the mushroom slide up towards their Adam's apple and then ultimately plastering that with some caulk or sealant covering that up.

What if a girl just saw a guy with scoliosis and was dying to ride his hump? Yeah, probably, yeah. Young mantis? Yo. You guys have a problem with women that have Adam's apples? A lot of them do in Thailand. By the way, can't a woman have an Adam's apple?

It's just not as protrusive as a man's, typically. Politically correct-wise, yes, they can. I was terrified. You can have a right about their choppy nips. You were terrified of what, honey? In Thailand, which is known to have a lot of ladyboys, I've learned that some of them get their Adam's apple shaved down. Oh, the tracheal shave.

So then the only thing you have to go off of is, like, do their feet and hands look abnormally large? Oh, there's more ways to tell. A lot of times they do a good job. They just... You kind of just have to look for large feet. They just... You all laughed, and I knew. The best way to tell is if you try to get them pregnant

over and over again. It won't happen. It won't take. You never know if they're a hyena. Oh, you're right. Where are you going for your honeymoon, Donnie? We're not going on one after the wedding because my fiance needs to start a new job in Chicago a few days after, but maybe over winter break.

I've always wanted to go to French Polynesia. Interesting. How far is that? Pretty damn far. I think it's near near is that Tahiti? I think you fly into Tahiti and then they have like an island called Moria and Bora Bora is around there.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. That's just Bora Bora sounds awesome. Isn't that where Triple X said that he wanted to go? Yes.

Yes it was. Bora Bora. That's how I learned about Bora Bora. And it looked awesome because they met at Bora Bora. Wasn't he like running a bike stand or some shit like that? Yeah. Something like that. Bora Bora. And it looked awesome because they met at Bora Bora. Wasn't he like running a bike stand

or some shit like that? Yeah, something like that. Bora Bora. There aren't too many places left for you to go, I feel like. Yeah, there's the... Peru. Yeah, I haven't done a lot of South America.

I haven't been to Australia, Antarctica. I'm trying to get an invite to Antarctica. I was talking to Michelangelo about that. Yeah. Tyler, the guy who invited me to Everest, was like, would you want to go to Antarctica in November? I was like, you got one.

Yeah, we'll see. I don't know if that's like. Would you want to? Yeah, I don't know how much content you would video yeah you would get there it depends how many humans you have to interact with i think that you would find something for sure antarctica tourism it's it's becoming bigger and bigger every year like this past winter here it's their summer i saw like a bunch of people just on these like cruises from argentina to yeah i've seen that um your buddy bo did it yeah yeah no someone i forget who someone i like grew up with did it not someone

that i'm friends with but they just posted on their instagram not a buddy that's pretty cool yeah say you did it it's the only reason to do stuff the island of mori is where don the beach comer retired told me he's one of the top. What's his? He was the dude who brought, like, Polynesian tiki culture to the U.S. He invented tiki culture. Yeah. Popular.

Yeah. He brought it to the U.S. He fought in World War II, like, in the South Pacific and just, like, loved. He was like, we could make a bar out of bamboo. Yeah. And have some rum. Get that shit really sticky. That's, yeah, that was the thought process

and then he opened up a place in hollywood called don the beachcomber his name was not don he just changed his name was like earnest something and then he just changed his name to don beach legally changing your name to don is a weird move yeah yeah It's very odd. And then, yeah, he opened up like a successful chain of tiki restaurants. I think he invented the Mai Tai maybe. He stole a lot. Wow. No. And then he retired on his houseboat in Moria.

Sounds like the man. Yeah. He does. Jimmy Buffett could never. Jimmy Buffett wishes he was fucking living like that. The original. Jimmy Buffett's never Jimmy Buffett wishes he was fucking living like that The original Jimmy Buffett's the fucking man too Where's he live in Florida?

I think he Yeah but he also has a place out in Montauk I think he like invited Invited Portnoy over one time Wow But just yeah being able to like He's the king of branding, I feel like. He's like, take your personal brand and then become a billionaire.

Yeah, just making sweet-ass songs about it. Yeah. You think he actually drinks like that? Yeah. Or you think he's frauding? Like having a sex podcast but getting no dick? Yeah. We gotta start holding getting no dick. Yeah. We got to start holding these girls accountable.

Yeah. Show me the dick then. It was the last time you even got dick. Talking about good dick too. This is just the same story over and over again. It's not a hookup. When was the last time you got good dick? KB, do you think you'll leave the country

in the next two years? Oh, because I think he's a felon, doesn't have a passport. I'm starting to think that too, but... We're going to, I guess, going to Canada soon with Dave. I have my point. White Sox?

It doesn't really count. Red Sox. Am I part of that? You might be. Oh, yeah. Dave called me. Yeah. Red Sox. Am I part of that? You might be. Oh, yeah. Dave called me. Yeah.

He called me. Real excited about it. He said it was you, me, and him. There it is. Yeah. He didn't tell him about me? He didn't say anything about you. He called me. Yeah, no, us three, I think.

All of us? I think so, as a foursome. I'd be surprised if that happens. Windsor, Canada? Yeah. I think that's what he wants to do. Scuzzy and Windsor? Let's go.

I don't think that will count. I'm always impressed by your knowledge of geography it seems like you you're very like you're very interested in the rest of the world it's like you should you should go see some place i should yeah well you don't have to though you're like a girl podcaster who gets no dick yeah you need good dick good dick. He's a fucking geography poster. I never claimed to like to travel or do things. No. But it's always worth it. How do you know? It's like Good Will Hunting.

He's read all the books, but he's never seen it, man. No. Yeah, you've never licked the floor of the Sistine Chapel. What would be one, like, geographic location? You've never thrown paint on the Mona Lisa? Because, yeah, I heard you even reference South China being like the Guangdong, the Pearl River Delta being like...

Wildly populated. Yeah. You're probably the only person... That's too crowded. I don't think I would like that density. Yeah. Where do you want to go? Crete?

No. So you don't want to go anywhere? Chile, Peru. Definitely like Australia. Pocay Papa, Peru? Islands in the Pacific. Okay. All right.

That's not nice. Japan's my number one. Japan, Korea. Why don't you go, Nick? I got things, man. No, you don't. Just go to Japan. All right.

Donnie, take him. Take me, Donnie. So what you do is you buy a Japan rail pass, and then it's like you get unlimited train rides for 10 days, and you can go wherever you want. Fantastic. What is that a euphemism for? Yeah.

Limited train rides? What does that mean? No euphemism. Literal. Literal. How good are the trains over there? They're nice. They have little hoon carts where you can smoke cigarettes.

They got ladies with carts selling highballs. Highballs are huge in Japan. Whiskey? Yeah, just whiskey sodas. But for some reason, no one makes a better whiskey soda than Japan. They have big whiskey culture. They've got flavored ones. They've got, yeah.

Interesting. It is. I respect my Japanese brothers. I'm going to go with Francis and his wife. That was the plan next summer. We were talking about that yesterday. The three of us. Yeah. I'm going to go with Francis and his wife. That was the plan. We were talking about that yesterday. The three of us. Yeah.

I have no qualms. Yeah, you'd be a solid third wheel. Yeah, why not? Would you know what days to do something on your own? Yeah, I can pick up on that. Oh, I think the two of them would end up hanging out more, and I'd be the one that was off. We could alternate.

A little white lovers. You and I go to the arcade. She fucks off. Yeah. You guys should do it. I want that for you all. Be fun. I'd be down.

I'd be down. I really want that for you. Say You're fine. I'd be down. I'd be down. Really want that for you. Say, what are you doing this weekend? I'm going to Metallica tonight and Sunday at MetLife. Twice? It's a two-day event. So, yeah, I'm going with Greer tonight and then a buddy of mine.

Greer just went to a concert last night. He just went to Tyler Childers. This guy is ravenous for a good time. You went to that. How was that? Where's Metallica? Oh, yeah, you were there? MetLife.

Is that your favorite band, Chey? No, but it's my number one band I want to see. I've never seen them before. My favorite band is probably the Chili Peppers or the Decembrists. So is it going to be Metallica playing both nights? Yeah. Two different set lists, though. Different set lists, yeah.

I've never seen them. I heard they're great. Kate said they're incredible. I saw them at Bonnaroo quite some time ago. Good show? Pretty good show, yeah. What's the type of people that make up the crowd for Metallica? Badasses?

I think like 100% titty fuckers. Oh, yeah. If I'm being honest. Is it motorcyclists? Or titty fucks? Is it, you know, businessmen? Is it

tortured titty boys? I think it's old rock guys. Yeah. Used to be rock guys. Like old guys that or older guys that used to be

really into that. Yeah. I'm always surprised at how many really corporate guys that used to be really into that. I'm always surprised at how many really corporate guys love the Grateful Dead. Corporate, like a VP of a bank who's 55 years old is like a diehard Grateful Dead guy. Big Cat. Miles Teller.

Miles Teller and Big Cat, mostly. John Mayer Titus Tiduses Yeah Tiduses the deadhead Yeah I fucking knew I liked that guy

Knew there was something about that fucker Mince is more widespread panic Yeah This is bread and butter I feel like I haven't been seeing enough of Mince. I haven't seen anything from Mince. What's been going on with him? A little bit salty about that.

Should we call him up? I wouldn't mind hearing his voice. I don't know. I texted him after the prank maybe a couple weeks ago. There was a lot of time in between. He was jolly, so I don't think it was. Yeah, probably because he's just getting paid to fucking live his life.

Yeah. There's no stresses or even deliverables involved with his... He was in Vegas for like seven or eight weeks covering the World Series of Poker. That sounds... He was there for eight weeks? Yeah, because he was working for like,

I don't know, Poker Go or something like that. Eight weeks? Yeah. It was like 120 degrees. And then he was doing a bunch of, he said he took a break to go to the Little League World Series or something like that. I needed some time for myself, clear my mind. I want to go mint sober. You'd have to start doing a lot more drugs.

I know, but I'd have to cut back on the booze, though. Oh, yeah. Imagine him just like, I still blaze. I still blaze, though. A rock in Williamsport, Pennsylvania at the Little League World Series, unable to stand up because he's on so much acid. just like a six foot tall like uh dominican boy having to help him up extend his hand 18 year old dominican pretending to be 13 i need mints uh at like the home run derby in the outfield yeah like knocking kids over trying to get balls. Oh, my God.

Yeah, we need to make that happen. Six balls. All of his friends from home were like very preppy, though. Yeah. Which I guess you wouldn't expect. I've met friends of his all over the country. I've met people who are like, oh, yeah, Barstool, I know Ben Mintz. Oh, yeah.

We were at a bar and it was like a Ben Mintz convention. Every single person was coming up to us being like, you guys know Ben Mintz? Where was that? At Patty's. Where? Ben Mintz convention. New York. New York?

Oh yeah, that one? Yeah. It happened to me in LA and it happened to me in Austin too. And he's not from any of those places. No. It was like everyone in the bar was coming up to us being like,

we love Ben. You've known him his whole life. Everyone at the bar. He was a frat king back in the day. Yeah? Yeah, he was in a frat in Mississippi. I guess he was like, he was the class clown of the frat. Yeah.

He was on the improv team for the frat. He definitely was. He definitely was like, he was the type of dude that would like chug a fifth of Jack Daniels and sleep for 20 hours. Check on Mince and see if he's breathing. Take the tape off his mouth

and make sure that he's on his side. That was the funniest dude in college. Yeah. Imagine getting hazed by Mince. You have Mince hazing you? That would suck. Elbows on bottle caps. He's got mints over you.

Elephant walking mints. Drink! Squeal, piggy! I think he was pretty large back then, so. Yeah. He has lost a lot of weight, so. He was bigger in college?

Yeah. He claims he only stopped drinking to of weight. He was bigger in college? Yeah. He claims he only stopped drinking to lose weight. But he said it was only because he was eating so much when drinking. It wasn't even from just the drinking. Yeah, he just... He said he would drink and then eat a ridiculous amount of food. He also said that he was off sugar while having sweet and sour barbecue sauce.

Yeah. He said he was doing keto? he said he was doing keto. He's like, I'm good, I've been having that sugar in weeks. As he's licking an oversized spiral lollipop. Yeah. With his spinner cap.

Birthday hat. Just licking the powdered sugar off a funnel cake. He knows food though. Yeah. Yeah, he took us. Everywhere he took us in New Orleans. Great fucking amazing.

He took us to a place to get breakfast sandwiches, and I only realized afterwards they didn't have an egg in them. No. But they were so good. You got them every day. You didn't even notice. It was just like a hash brown, a sausage patty. Like an English muffin.

Caramelized onions on a toasted English muffin. God damn. He got those every morning. Yeah. Yeah. Made me realize you don't always need an egg. Some people don't like egg. There's more and more egg-averse people the older I get.

I think I am. Egg-averse? Texture gets cold fast. Doesn't add too much. Damn. Sorry, dude. I love a good egg, but I have days where I'm like, if I even see an egg, I'll throw up right now. Yeah, it can be gross.

A thought to thought. If you think a little bit too much about an egg, it's a little bit unsettling. Yeah. I don't associate the product of a scrambled egg even with the egg. Like, it transforms so much into something else, a different color, a different combination,

a different texture. I think scrambled eggs are disgusting. I need, like, a sunny side up or something like that. You want to see the yolk running through Yeah You want to see the I think that's much more disgusting than scrambled I don't know the texture of scrambled I don't like

I hear when people do like mass Like big vats of scrambled eggs Yeah It's like add water It's powdery That shit was in college dude Yeah people would do that It was always disgusting

I heard they're putting laxatives in the egg. Oh, yeah. I heard they fucking put the laxatives. That was a big Penn State rumor. You have to take the egg and squeeze it against the side of the fucking... Ramp it up. Yeah, so it would drain. It was just like...

I remember texting my buddy, like, the eggs are just... They're water today? Hurry quick. Yeah. Yeah. The eggs are just, they're water today? Hurry quick. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be like, the eggs are just watery. Leaky eggs.

It was disgusting. Bo came riding up on the back of a moose. You'd just have to throw back fucking cereal or something. Cereal or sausages. Imagine if they actually were putting laxatives in. It was, wasn't it, it's like a powdered based egg, right? Yeah. It's like a powdered based egg, right? Yeah The fact that everybody was assuming That it was just evil

College administrators stirring In laxative to their food Eggs aren't that expensive though Like they can't splurge An extra like Thousand dollars It's probably just how long they last I guess, yeah

Would you ever do a series s Sass, where you go back to college? No. Definitely not. That's a good fucking idea. I feel like that'd be great. Yeah, I'd watch that. Yeah, do it. And just have to go to class?

Yeah. Sounds terrible. You'd have to take at least one class. No, no way. Live in a dorm. Yeah, live in a dorm. No, I tried to take a class after I left online, and I just failed it. You got an F?

I don't know. What was the class? I don't even remember. I think it was a screenwriting class. Yeah. You do suck at that. It was just boring. Yeah.

Francis, I don't want to reduce you to your Harvard identity, but were the dining halls there significantly better than other dining halls you've heard of? I don't think so. I think it's just hard to cook for 400 kids three meals a day. Totally. I think UMass Amherst is supposed to have really good food. Odin, Maine, has the best food of any college in the country. Really?

I heard it was UMass. Oh, you... You... Definitely have never heard of Bowdoin. A lot of people make that mistake. It's Bowdoin. A lot of people make that mistake. I've heard UMass,

and I've actually ate at their dining hall, and let me tell you, it was good. But have you been to Bowdoin? Bowdoin. I don't think anyone's been to Bowdoin. No, it's a very small school.

You wouldn't have been invited. Well, yeah, no shit. Forgotten. No shit, the food was good. It was like a mom making breakfast for her children. Yeah. That's right. Home school. It was sour a mom making breakfast for her children. Yeah, that's right.

It was sourced from a local farmer's market. Yeah. Better than Zoo Mass. No, U Mass food was good. I got to stay with Sass. I visited U Mass and their cafeteria was outstanding. But you didn't go to Bowdoin. How do you know?

Because you told me. That's a lie. Look it up. Just look up what school has the best. U Mass wins best dining pretty regularly. Let's look up. They. Look it up. Just look up what school has the best. UMass wins best dining pretty regularly. They brag about it often. Who's got better food, Bowdoin or Zoomass? You guys should do Neighborhood Eats College Campus.

Oh, that'd be great. That'd be good. That'd be great. How was the finals club? Terrible food. Francis. I'm sorry? How was the food at your finals club?

Because you guys had a chef, right? Yeah, that was good. That was good. What was that? So at Harvard, they don't have frats. They have finals clubs. You were in a finals club? Yeah.

Have you ever seen the social network? You had like servants? No. No, we had stewards. Okay. Oh. Well, social network makes Harvard look like the number one party school on earth. They wouldn't just do our bidding.

I mean, the one I was in, the stewards protected the club. Like what, badgers? You know, when we would have parties, sometimes, like, people would just try to come in. Like the EU gremlins? No, like homeless people or, you know. You just assume they were homeless. Yeah. You can tell.

It's usually they're wearing a Boston University sweatshirt. Or people would come and try to, like, rob the place. We had fucking artifacts and shit in there. Wow. It was crazy. We had Picassos. What? They were all donated by alums.

And we had these Picasso plates that were hand-painted by Picasso. And we had a piece of Hadrian's Wall that was supposedly priceless that was the centerpiece of the fireplace. God damn. Holy shit. It was cool. Imagine a homeless personpiece of the fireplace. God damn. Holy shit. It was cool. Imagine a homeless person getting their hands on Hadrian's wall. You mess.

In their shopping cart. Rumor was the Italian government had made repeated efforts to buy it and then put it in a museum and we had just refused. That was the rumor. That's awesome. Could you touch it or was it behind glass or something? You could touch it That's awesome. Could you touch it? Or was it behind glass or something? You could touch it. Really?

Did you ever touch it? I don't think so. Out of respect. Did anyone ever fuck on it? No, it was only that big. It was, you know. You could fuck on it. Dude, give me a one inch, one square inch I could fuck on.

Padron's Wall. UMass Amherst, number three. Bowdoin, number 21. Okay. I win. No. This is wins again. 21.

It's number one. How'd you not look? Virginia Tech. Oh, boo. I think these ratings are very political. It gets very bureaucratic. That's what I was told. Oh, no.

It's actually University of California, UCLA. What the hell? I'm looking this up. I'm going to go to my... Yeah, the real database. Not the Princeton Review. Here we go. Harvard Review. This is go. Harvard Review.

This is U.S. News and World Report. This is the one that does the... Okay, there's one and two right there. I was on niche.com. Niche.com. Get the fuck out of here. Damn, Bowdoin too. Bowdoin is too.

Do UMass Amherst? What's one? It says on this one, UMass Amherst. What? We're looking at it right now. It's on the screen. Same website that you're on. Oh, that's not right.

No, there is no number one. That's just the first bullshit page. Bowdoin's number one. All right. Francis. Look at that screen real quick, though. Welcome new and returning students back to campus in the fall. Bowdoin College is a longstanding tradition, given its location in New England, of having a lobster bake.

Many people mistakenly think that UMass Amherst actually has superior food to Bowdoin. They are wrong. This has been misproven in case after case. In fact, many students that went to UMass Amherst have said they suffered from foodborne illnesses as a result of poorly

cooked meals in the dining hall. There's also like 40,000 people eating at those cafeterias. I'm sure one of them has gotten food poisoning. Well, it looks like Francis was right then. Yeah. Who is judging this? The FDA?

No. Any list of all colleges is bullshit. This is like one dude went to UMass and was like, hmm, this is good. Fruits, herbs, and vegetables are grown in the Bowdoin Organic Garden. That's also good. Fruits, herbs, and vegetables are grown in the Bowdoin Organic Garden. That's also good. While UMass Amherst uses genetically modified inorganic materials and has been found to have sourced chicken that is genetically modified and pumped full of hormones and grown on shelves. The chickens at UMass Amherst are not allowed to grow. It says Kent State for food?

Best university for food. What the fuck? I haven't seen Bowdoin won on any list so far. Hendricks College, James Madison. I don't mean, there's no. What is this list? St. John Fisher University, known for its turkey burger. Even lists where it's like, these are the 50 best party schools.

Then St. Norbert, and then UMass Amherst. Nobody partied at the 50 best schools. Nobody has been to all of these to compare them, especially not the neckbeard writer from Rolling Stone. These guys don't even party. I think I rest my case here it's different on every list I haven't seen Bowdoin

in the top 20 of most of these lists we just had I had it US News and World Report I went to the number one acapella school in the country

it fucking sucked yeah I know you were at least in one no I was not that's why I got zero pussy all the acapella kids were just pussy. All the acapella kids

were just cleaning up. All the acapella boys. It's perfect. Must drive you nuts. QB was probably not even getting pussy. They were like, ew, the football team.

But oh no, this guy's on an acapella team. I'm going to suck his dick. Demoralizing. Dum, dum, dum. Long Broadway. You know that the Asian bros were always incredible at acapella. They slide to the front. Any acapella video, I guarantee one of the soloists is Asian.

Yeah, that was true. Boy, the top one at school, the top group we had, they would do a seven-continent tour every summer. Why wouldn't they just say world? That's a good question.

You could say world about anything. You could go to Mexico and be like, this is a world tour. We could bang out an acapella for the longest time. Yeah, we could. Yeah, we could definitely do that. Sparky. Sparky can be the longest time. Who's the very top?

If you said goodbye to me tonight. Woo-hoo! A wimbo-wop, a wimbo-wop, a wimbo-wop, a wimbo-wop in the jungle. Nope. No. Nope. I can't. Yeah.

Yeah, the acapella team was also on TV because they were on a reality show about acapella teams. Oh, the one, that one, the acapella. What's that one? Is that what it called yeah i think they won like what as a junior i thought it was the pentatonix who won i thought it was the yelzebubs uh my list says boden won oh yeah no i think you're yeah that's what it is you're mixing up with the acapella team no the dartmouth team was good on that show. Our acapella teams would have smoked Buddy Poden. No way. What was the name of the Harvard squad?

Crocodillos was the best. Ew. And the Din and Tonics were the next. Oh. The Beelzebubs would have murdered you guys. No chance. Ew. No chance.

And this is, to prove that I'm being honest here, the best acapella group in the entire country is at Yale. Oh, yeah. Everybody knows that. Oh, yeah. The gay acapella group in the entire country is at Yale. Oh yeah, everybody knows that. Oh yeah, the gay pussies. Ladies and gentlemen, we are the gay pussies. If you said goodbye to me tonight.

Mom, I made the gay pussy Oh yeah there they are The eyes above Oh it's the same show So different seasons You had They came in second Okay The Pentatonix won the season

I was talking about And Dartmouth came in second Northwestern has a good one Oh it's the Robles Oh my god The Whippin' Poops is what Oh yes Northwestern is a good one. Oh, my God. The Whiffin' Poops is what they are. Oh, yes.

Whiffin' Poops of Yale are, I think, pop dogs. Pop dogs. That's a direction. They play like in the Oval Office. They're incredible. That's a real thing. I know a guy who was in them. A Whiffin' Poof?

Whiffin'. Yeah. How did he say it felt? You know a guy who was in them? All of them? Whiff and poof. Yeah. How did he say it felt? What are they doing? You know a guy who was in them? All of them? Every single one of them. Wouldn't be surprised.

Yeah. Damn. Do they have like a pack of girls? What do they call them? They have all women's. Yes. No, I meant do they have like. Yeah, like who are the girls that follow the Acafala teams?

Oh, groupies? Yeah. I don't know. I do know that when the crocodiles would step off the plane for that seven-continent tour in Korea, they would have a massive group of people waiting for them at the airport. It is cool. I will say that.

Until everybody started making treble puns to... Yeah. It's not cool. I'll disagree... Yeah. The cleft is... It's not cool. I'll disagree. Yeah. It does sound good, though. They are good at singing.

And the crowd goes fucking nuts for them. Yeah. Like in the videos you'll watch when they're doing like a showcase in a stadium at a college, the crowd is losing their shit. And it's all women. And someone steps forward because it's their turn to solo and everyone's like, this fucking guy.

And it's an Asian dude. Yeah. An Asian dude with a perfectly coiffed set of hairs. If you like a light I would be the baritone. In the girls group

It drives me crazy When a girl is beatboxing A short haired girl is like That shit drives me up a fucking wall It never sounds good Especially the beatboxing. If it was Rozelle, maybe I'd enjoy it. If you had only stayed at college, Sass, you could have been in an acapella group.

I know. Instead of on the yak. If you went back to college and you just played the rest of your life straight, when you were considering going back early on in Barstool and just joined acapella. Wait, what? You know how you were going to go back to college at one point in Barstool?

Yeah. If you had just gone back and were like, yeah, I'm not joking anymore. Oh, yeah. That's what I would have had to do. I'm going to give up all jokes. Change my major to like math. And sing acapella. You were majoring in jokes.

Let's do math now. Does every college have an acapella group? I'm sure. Big time. Kent State? Do they have acapella groups? Yeah, I'm sure. Look it up right now.

Kent State Acapella. I bet they fucking do a Bruno Mars medley. They all do, yeah. I think they fucking did that. I remember they were downtown Like dancing and singing the Grenade Uptown funk I fucking hated it

Stop Oh my god Wait a minute Vocal intensity acapella Huffs has a I just want to be the dude Who breaks through You know what I mean

Yes It is like pitch perfect God damn. I wouldn't mind watching an acapella performance right now. I want to see Ken's. I can do the Whiff and Poofs.

Thuncapella like a river is my favorite. Whiff and Poofs. Shut your mouth and ruin me like a river. Like a river. The best one. I think that they...

I'm sure that some of them have gone co-ed over the years. There are some. That's... Tufts has one that's Disney-themed called Enchanted. We are Tufts' most magical a cappella group. Okay. And then they have, like, the most diverse a cappella group. They have...

Ultra. But Tufts must have had a very good music program because of those, the two Time Flies guys, your buddies came out of that. Yes, but they were, they didn't want to join an acapella group because they were like later in life. Were they studying music at Tufts? They weren't really really they were just like naturally musically talented i would have thought the producer guy would have maybe done some like

engineering stuff there the producer was an engineer he was like in the engineering school what type of engine like sound engineering or real engineering i think he was trying to major in real engineering yeah that was like no it's it's a lot more fun just making beats. Yeah. Significantly more fun. Yeah. Sure. We had a Jewish acapella group.

Kent Clark's. Oh, like Clark Kent. Fuck yes. Wow. I just had sex. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Oh. They always have a vest in like a Jerry Springer shirt.

That's their whole audience. Thank you for coming out tonight. That's an all glass room with 100 foot ceilings. The acoustics you want for acapella. Oh, and look, the Asian bro. What did I say? What the fuck did I say? What the fuck did I say?

You slid right out. He censored the word penis. Beatbox are always dancing a little bit. I like this. I cannot even watch this. No, it's good. They had another one where they were at a theater. I mean, it's corny, but it sounds good. Yeah, that one. They had another one where they were at a theater. I mean, it's corny, but it sounds good.

Yeah, that one. This is what they all look like. The acoustics on this one would be great. Oh, they're doing it again. Their most popular track. People laugh their asses off. See? You know what's crazy I bet all these people

Are actually freaks Oh yeah They always are The Disney ones at Tufts I bet those were The freakiest human beings Alive Wait so It's a different soloist than last time,

which means that it got passed on from like one year to the next. It's like, hey, who's going to have the I Just Had Sex solo? I think John's ready for the I Just Had Sex solo. Hey, John, can I talk to you for a second? If he calls his family, you're never going to believe it. I got it. What's another song that they have other than I Just Had Sex? Pumped Up Kicks.

That's got to be a fun one. Yeah, that's pretty bad for Kent State to be singing. They got another I Just Had Sex right there. It's their signature song. I Just Had Sex. there. It's their signature song. Let's do I Want You Back. Have you ever had sex? I know I have. So this is for the camera.

They're just having a normal convo. Seven. One, two, three, four. Yeah. You really got to get into the groove. That was shallow Bs. Yeah. All of them. Real Shallow Vs. My boy on the right is, or the far left is. Far left.

He got a deeper V than the rest of them. He did. Fucked him on the V. Look at him go. The guy on the right fucks the most in the crew. With the glasses. You think so? Who else do you think?

Or do you think the guy on the left? This is probably like a pack of lions, the way that they decide who's... Whoever's the dominant male, whoever's having the most sex. I think it's like a cult. I think those two are fucking everybody. Yeah. If I just saw you in the background, I would piss myself.

Oh, my God. That's great. Oh, darling, I was blind. They weren't that good. They weren't that good. It's kind of underwhelming. Let's watch the Yale guys. Let's watch the fucking

whiff and poofs. The whiff and poofs. Because their watch the Yale guys. Let's watch the fucking Whiff and Poose. The Whiff and Poose. Because their name is so bad. They play Carnegie Hall. They play the White. You know, they're nuts. Yeah, let me see a good one. Ivy League bros that are doing it.

Because any of the guys who are getting into an Ivy League school, this has to be one of their eight extracurriculars. Needed a musical. Even the camera quality. 4K. Let's hear them do I Just Had Sex. Compare. You sound like quality. 4K. Let's hear them. Do I just had sex? Compare. You sound like Buck Shelley.

Skinny Love. That's a great song. Oh, Skinny Love. Yeah. Yeah, do Skinny Love. Come on. Even their pacing. They wear tuxedos and tails.

These guys. Are they holding a Mickey Mouse severed head? What do they do with a Mickey Mouse head? Long arms, long legs, small head. Wait a minute. One, two, three, four, five in. I went to high school with him. That's Sharif.

That is Sharif. That's my bully, Sharif. Yeah, I had biology with him. Wait a minute. Is that actually him? Yeah, I think that's Sharif. I had biology with him Wait a minute Is that actually him Yeah I think that's Sharif I think he did go to I wanna fight all of these dudes What

I hate them No My my my This is a great song. I don't like the gloves. It feels like a cult. I like this. It is a cult. It's really nice music.

Sounds good. Should have stayed in college. I know. It's going to be me. This dude is bending at his knees, the Mickey Mouse Holden dude. He's generating power from the bass. What nationality is Sharif? Egyptian, I think.

Sharif, you say. Maybe. Middle Eastern. Another wheeling boy, dude. Here we go. The audition process for the uh Whiffin' Poops is crazy

and I think it's only seniors so guys spend like the first three years at Yale trying to position themselves to get in and each year there's only like depending on your voice part there's only two bass parts

available like three tenors four sopranos whatever altos or whatever and uh if you don't get it you know that's it

and you wasted your entire undergraduate tenure building up towards it let's play Bon Iver I'm with you Sass I can't

I need that song with a little bit more like a river Thuncapella yeah get the Thuncapella like a river that's that good shit if it's really what turned out Kyle Francis do you donate to Harvard Yeah, get the Thunkic Pella like a river. That's that good shit.

If it's really what turned out, Kyle. Francis, do you donate to Harvard? No, I don't. How do they get by? And I'm actually glad I never did because the Supreme Court just, I think, ruled against legacy advantage or something like that. Yeah, they said legacy advantage is like affirmative action for the top 1%. Yeah, it had something to do with that. And it was like, we're not going to now consider legacy. And I think there was a correlation between that and people who were donating.

And I know that friends of mine have donated every year since graduation because they felt that to have a perfect record of donating annually would give their kids someday an advantage of getting in and that always worried me because i never gave anything and now it feels like they all just wasted their money but there's like a counter argument that people like at an hbcu who maybe felt like their entire life they had a leg down in some of these processes finally get into a college and then they want their kids to have like some of the advantages that they're trying to sow into their life and now their opportunity to get that advantage is taken away immediately. Yeah and I think that all these colleges have found ways to

work around the language of the Supreme Court ruling so that they can still acknowledge either like legacy connections or diversity in their admissions considerations. So Princeton has like a crazy high like alumni support percentage. Yeah. Yeah. They love it. They go back every year to their reunion. Yeah. And their endowment. One year, two year, three year, five year. they love it they like they go back every year to their reunion yeah and they're in down here

one year two year three year five years p-rate is like it takes over the entire like central jersey area my mom can't get a hotel anywhere 50th anniversary there it's awesome 50th reunion at princeton they have like a parade you just see like these super old guys and like these crazy cool jackets that they do for all the alumni walking down uh nassau and they all like really admire the people that came before them, and they honor them. It's cool. It's cool.

Yeah. Go to Hoagie Haven, get a sandwich. All right. All right, all right, I hear you. Penn State do anything like that? Yeah, we all march down Paternoville and laud our Savior, our unblemished saint who actually never did anything wrong in his life. He reported what he knew.

Okay. Boy, this is a slippery slope. Like the showers. Exactly. Yeah. Waiting for that. Showers built on a hill. Here we go.

Did you go back to WVU at all? No. No. Yes. This is featuring the freshman 15. They're in the bowling seats. They're having so much fun. What school was this?

Northwestern. Maybe Pup Punk could do a couple acapella tracks at the next show? I don't know if people want to hear that. You guys are performing at Dave's Pizza Festival, the One Bite Festival, are you not? Yes. Yes, we are going to do Rock Me Like a River at the... Oh, my God. We got six shows coming up. They're going to miss six shows.

Yeah, PFT was saying you guys have a packed schedule for the fall. So, like, between now and October 13th, we have six shows. Oh, my. And you guys haven't really practiced? That's correct. Everybody lives in different states now. Yeah, that's tough. Zoom practice session.

Plus the studio is all booked. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking brutal. But I think PFT is getting a full recording studio out in Chicago. Yeah, he wants that. The rest of us still are out here in New York, but, you know. I mean, you guys, you don't need much for a recording studio. Yeah.

Like a little box with some sound. Bands historically did it out of their car holes, out of their garages. Yeah. So I don't think it could be that hard. Well, now that Francis is gone, should we end the show? Spin the wheel. Oh, fuck. We've got to spin the wheel.

If he leaves early, then he cannot get any carbone with us. No. What did Francis leave? Yeah. Why? Wedding. We said something very nasty. We said a naughty word to him.

We said a... No. We said a naughty word to him. We said a nerd slur for people who went to Harvard. Yeah. Brimses. Brimses. Woo! I love the woo

at the end of that every time. Just makes me feel good. I want us all to be photographed in front of, like, be a PNG, like with a transparent background, and upload us for free on a free stock image website. See where we end up. Is that a possibility?

A Flat Stanley type of deal? Someone could take us to the Wall of China? If somebody wants to get like a stock image for like uh some sort of shampoo later yeah or pamphlet they could go to the site and just pick one of us just in a textbook yeah free rights free usage yeah free usage photos put ourselves in the public domain backgrounds yeah see where we end up doesn't hollywood isn't hollywood like trying to do that with anybody who is an extra in a movie? They want to be able

to use them in perpetuity in the public domain? Yeah. That's so nuts. What time are you guys on on the writer's strike? It's a touchy subject. I side with the writers.

I guess. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I haven't really looked into their qualms. We're walking it back. But yeah, no, I mean, they're just mad because if they write for something and then if it like then blows up on Netflix like a couple years later, they see like zero revenue from that. I'm not rooting for you there.

I just hope it's an entertaining game. Yeah, I just want to see a high scoring. I want to see like the Chiefs, you know, Chiefs-Rams game of a couple years ago. I want to see like a 55-49 game. I feel like this is a big moment for podcasters because podcasters aren't on strike. Right. So if there's going to be like a glut of content, it's your guys' time to shine.

It's a good landing spot for the lazy and talentless. Yeah. Podcasting. We're not writing at all. It's actually a badge of honor. We didn't prepare at all. That's just actually how good we are at this is we don't do anything to prepare or make it good no it just shows how much uh harder or just how much more work intensive it is donnie for you to

make your videos uh just the the depth of uh editing and going over footage and technical work that it takes to make some shit like that good and successful. Yeah. A tip of the cap to you, my good man. My boy. Thank you. My, my, my. My, my, my.

My, my, my. My, my, my. Oh, my God. You're a gay pussy. Where do I know you from? The gay pussies. Yale. I love the song Maggie Mae.

You guys know that? Yeah. Yeah. Good song. The acapella team used to do that a lot. How's it go, Maggie Mae? Wake up, Maggie. Wake up, Maggie.

That one. There's something to say to you. That's one of the funniest Always Sunny episodes is when Frank is talking about how he's in a gang and they get the gang back together and it's just him and a bunch of dudes wearing like top hats and leather suits and they're just singing. And the whole time everyone's like, you were in a gang?

He's like, of course. Oh man. Broccoli Rob too, that's a good running acapella bit. Yeah, that was him, yeah. Broccoli Rob, too. That's a good running acapella bit. Yeah, that was him, yeah. Broccoli Rob, right? No, that was in The Office. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

With Andy. Ed Helms. Old Ed Helms. Fucking miss his ass. He changed so much. I know. With the fucking money. He was in Montauk.

X-Teams Island shit. Be sure to watch the boys on Maresh's stream tonight. Big Tings. Big Tings happening. Maresh and Nick KB Don. Who else?

Mook. And Mook. Combination. Mookinator. Mookinator. Mookinator. Let's just say the boys will be downing some whole milk. Yeah. Let's just say they'll be. And high noons.

And high noons. They'll be covered in the best substance. Maybe a little WWE 2K23 on there. Yeah. I would love that. Combination. Maybe a little Roback as well. Who knows? If I want to be comfortable as fuck. Roback. Yeah. But if I would love that. Combination. Maybe a little Roback as well. Who knows?

If I want to be comfortable as fuck. Yeah, but if I want to be uncomfortable as fuck, I'd wear other things. Feel that shit, brother. I feel that shit, brother.

So we're yakking again next week. I'm going to be out for part of the week. I have to go to... They're going to be out on Tuesday. You guys are?

Tuesday to when? We're doing... What is it? You're moving next week? No. The move has begun. We got Yak in Chicago Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday. And Thursday.

And Friday, I believe, as well. Not Friday. Not Friday, no. I'm out Thursday, Friday. I'm going to be in Philly with the Mucinator. Yeah, I'm out. Be the Mucinator. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I'm going to be in Philly with the Mookinator. Yeah, I'm out. Be the Mookinator. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

Just bring in the thunder at Philly. There's going to be a wake of fucked pussy behind you. That's how I find Mook. It's like my breadcrumbs. Angel and Gretel. Mook's angels. Mook rolls with a pack of angels. It's crazy.

Yeah. Have you guys bowled since that Son of a boy dad anus show up in Boston? No, I haven't. Oh, that's the last time. Where you guys didn't put me on the list and I wasn't allowed in. Oh, yeah. That was the most demoralizing moment of my life. Yeah.

I was like, I work with these guys. I'm pretty sure I'm on the list. And they're like, yeah, we can't let you in. When I went back there in January, I don't know if it was January or February when I was there, and they were like, I was like, can I just get a Bud Light? And they were like, yeah, can we see your ID? And they ID'd everyone.

And I was like, since when do you guys ID people in the green room? And they were like, since the last time that you were here. You were hammered on stage and you were 19 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, now we have to ID everyone. Fuck them. You didn't hide it well. No.

I mean, yeah, whatever. Those Bud Lights will creep up on you. Oh, yeah. Still drinking Bud Lights? Wow. Nah, it's funny when people go somewhere and they're like, yeah, I'm doing it. I'm drinking Bud Lights. Sorry, but not sorry.

Yeah, like Rogan said that he still drinks Bud Light and everyone was like they paid him to say this. Yeah. Well, it's funny. A lot of people switch. While the blue-collar factory employees are getting fired. Yeah. Yeah. Doing my part.

Modelo sales went way up after that controversy, but they are also owned by Anheuser-Busch. Yeah. I don't think you can go from drinking Bud Light to Modelo sales went way up after that controversy, but they are also owned by Anheuser-Busch. Yeah. I don't think you can go from drinking Bud Light to Modelo. I know someone who is... Bud, like, Modelo's a way heavier beer than Bud Light. Is it? I think they do, like, a light Modelo, maybe? Do they?

I know a Modelo's, like, it's, like, 140 calories, I think, and a Bud Light's, like, 100. Jeez. It's a pretty big jump. Big jump. It's a 140 calories, I think, and a Bud Light's like 100. Jeez. It's a pretty big jump. Big jump. It's a 50% jump almost, damn near. 40%, I guess. Yeah. You know who the original acapellas were?

The groups of troubadours that would walk around like, cabron, cabron. Just walking around with a fucking guitar and like maybe a horn or some shit like that. That ain't acapella, brother. Fuck, you're right. That's mariachi? Big ol' luteachi bands those dudes are fucking legends my buddy bo is um friends with uh wait wait wait wait he's his name's not bo but my buddy knows someone in the anheuser-busch family and um he is very pissed about what went down yeah because he has like a boat and it's like a bud light branded boat and like he said they took it to a fishing tournament and people like

trashed his boat yeah we're like booing the boat he's like i had nothing to do with that damn fuck my heart goes out to a member of the Anheuser-Busch family. Generationally wealthy, bro. He's never. We'll get through it. Bo Bush. Bush Bush. Bo Bush.

Fun week of yakking, guys. That was fun. One for the fucking books. One for the fucking books, dude. Just legendary shit all across the fucking board Next week will truly be legendary as well And then the week after that We're also going to be yakking all fucking week

And the week after that is when The Barstool Awards are And everybody comes back for A case race Special episodes yeah Case race All kinds of goofy shit. And then there's a week off

at the end of September. The fuck? And then we are jobless. And me and Ass are going to be fired. You have that popular podcast with the NBA player, right? We'll be good.

We'll be all set. We'll land on your feet. You guys want to watch a race before the weekend? Yep. Sneak another race in? Of course. Let's sneak another race in. Could we crack a high noon, or is that thing locked?

Let's crack noon. What's our numbers? Should we just go in order? I don't know. There's a riot in Manhattan right now. Oh, sweet. Union Square Park. Over what?

NYPD called a level three mobilization. Is it SAG? I don't know. Is it SAG? Union Square is always going up. Give me horse number one. I know this whole song and dance. I'm going to take three.

That's eight. That's eight. That's a good eight, all right. Why is white Lizzo trending on Twitter right now? All right. Oh, he's going, though. We'll see. Right here. Does he stay on his feet?

Yeah. Oh! Eight. Sorry, Sassy. It's a seven-horse race. Zebra looks so fucking delicious right now. Oh, apparently it's that Kai Senate dude who's in Union Square. Oh, he's starting a riot.

Okay. Weren't we just talking about him? Yes. I think I need to be drunk off sake for this. Yeah, it doesn't hit the same when you're dead sober. Oh, that's a cheat. Oh! That's a cheat code.

Oh, no, no, no. Get out of the way! There you go! Oh, no's a cheat code. Oh, the snow. Get out of the way. There you go. Oh. Oh, no. What happens? He's stopping. He's grazing.

Is everyone else? Where's everybody else? Eight might be in the mix. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight.

Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. Eight. 8 might be in the mix. 8! 8-1! Oh, 8-1? 8-1! 8-1!

What the fuck? Did they win, or why are they still sprinting? Oh, it is three people. You guys heard about the Somalian sprinter? No. No? Oh, there was some joke? No. No? I have. Oh, you have it? No, there was the World University Games,

and the head of the Somalian sport department sent his niece to compete just because he wanted to do his family a solid, and she was insanely slow. And he has now been fired because they're like you just sent your niece to compete in the world university games like she could barely run if you pull it up she all like she gets lapped and then um yeah and so uh somalia was forced to fire their sports chief sure that was pleasant for nepotism yeah but that's kind of a baller move,

just like sending your family member. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's not fast. She got lapped on a straight line race. I mean, second to last isn't fast at all either. Jack Mack did a TikTok on this, and they're accusing him of being like a government plant to, like, disgrace the Somali government.

Oh, come on. They're saying he took money from Q-Talk. Holy shit. Sets the record. This is propaganda by CBB and NN. The competition never happened. I blame former president

Farah Majo and Fahad Yassin, who funded the cat and guy using guitar money to make this video. Anybody who shared the scandal is Al-Shabaab sympathizer. Wow. I agree. Wow, Jack Mack's an Al-Shabaab sympathizer? Yikes Rough look

He told me that a while ago Yeah Holy shit This office Fucking unbelievable That's why we need Gazzo back around here The fucking straw

That stirs the drink Who's that guy? Gaz? That's Gino That's Gino He's a good guy He's the kind of guy Look at that lounge That's Gino. He's a good guy. He's the kind of guy that will— Look at that lounge.

That was a textbook lounge. He plays catch, too. He's going to bring the old barstool back, playing catch lounging. Not like everybody now is playing video games and lounging. He's going to be catching lounging. Francesa's grandkid works here, right? I don't know. No. I don't know. Am I not allowed to say that? Is that top right? I don't know. No.

I don't know. Am I not allowed to say that? Is that top secret? I don't know. Shit. Whoopsie. TJ, safe mode? I think that's fine.

Yeah. Oh. It's just kid, not his grandkid. Oh. Yeah, I think that's his son. Yeah, so that's what everybody was recoiling about. Yeah, just that the facts were wrong. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, we fucking love facts here. Nate tweeted, Barstool Radio was so beneficial for holding people accountable, we don't have that anymore, we are a daycare. Oh my God. When did Big Nate say that? I guess a couple of hours ago. Who is in trouble?

Who should be in trouble? I think in Nate's eyes, everyone. I don't know. Nate texted me this morning and said, are we boozing on the act today? And I said, I am not, sad face. And he said, aw, damn, miss yucking it up with the fellas. I think he wanted a widow time in daycare. Yeah.

I think Nate wanted to play a little bit with his friends. Getting daycared sounds awesome. I think Nate's ready to be unleashed. I feel like if Sass doesn't find something else to take up his time after the Yak moves, Nate's going to be on your ass. 100%. Nate hates me. Is going to be.

Nate is on your ass. Nate's been on my ass for three years. Since the day I walked in the building, he's despised me. But that's only because of your pulse. I think you just, yeah. I've literally never even thought about it. Cash it out with him right now. Pretend I'm Nate.

No, I don't. I don't hate you. I think you're very talented. I think when you came in, Nate expected a, oh, hello, Nate. And you just, I don't think you ever acknowledged. It When you came in, Nate expected a, oh, hello, Nate. And I don't think you ever acknowledged. It is custom to suck off Nate. And you bucked the trends of Barstool. Cosplay it with KB.

There's not really much to say. He says I don't have no negative thoughts. I don't hate you, man. I think you're very talented. I just don't know if you support us. You got to respect the OGs. I don't know if you support us. You got to respect the OGs. I don't know what I would say. Just be like,

Nate, I appreciate all the work you've been doing. Realistically, what would happen is I would have my headphones in. He would say,

you don't do anything. I hate you. And then I would go, oh, I would turn and I would go back to being on my phone. Like,

that's what would happen. I think you guys have a beautiful relationship. I like Nate. I don't know why he hates me. I don't hate you. So he's saying he doesn't hate you. I mean, why don't you internalize that? I think he would even admit that he hates me.

Well, maybe you just... He sees your potential. He gave birth to you, and if it weren't for the hard work that he put in in the mind writing blogs, you wouldn't have a job or life or existence. You'd be in an acapella group. Yeah, probably. The gay pussies. On Broadway.

I think of that song every time I ride my bike down Broadway. Do you ride it down there? Are you flying around Broadway that often? Sometimes. Sometimes I cut across, rewire the brain, go down a different street, and it's completely blocked off for most of it. Or for a big chunk of Broadway. It's just like...

It's kind of like Dime Squared, running this shit full circle like a dime. Have you guys heard that show tune, The King in New York? It was in the Newsies. No. Oh, it's such a banger. I don't think we can play it due to copyright, but it always makes me think of sass now, but it's actually, it's like an extremely catchy song.

Ba-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom. It sounds like all the rest. Doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom. A Saturday night with the mayor's daughter. Ba-na-da. I'm the king of New York. That's pretty good. That sounds amazing.

Ba-na-da. I'm the king of New York. You know that that whole play is propaganda by Al Shabab to encourage us to unionize as Americans? Jack Mack said it's not. I think they actually do go on strike in that movie. Yeah, it's literally all about unionization, which is like it's foreign propaganda to weaken the U.S. working class

or strengthen the working class and weaken the factories where everybody works, where all the newsies work. I believe that. We're a union just by saying so. Christian Bale, a young Christian Bale, plays the lead role in that. It could be remixed into a sick hip-hop song.

I feel like there needs to be more hip-hop show tunes where they just sample. I disagree strongly. I think Lin-Manuel Miranda gave us our fill of that in one play. Well, no, I just mean they should sample that in a hip-hop beat, but not have Lin-Manuel Miranda on it. You've got to have Jay-Z. I mean, they remixed Hard Knock Life.

That's a show, too. Yes, exactly. Go again. Okay. That's just C So and then you just Loop that That is a nice bass line Yeah

Dun dun dun Dun dun dun Dun dun dun Yeah that would be like Dun dun dun Dun dun dun Fucking nah song Or some shit like that

Yeah Alright Alright should we wrap this up Yeah let's get the fuck out of here Um Have a good weekend We'll see you guys on Monday Bye

See ya. See ya. See ya. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop. We're doing Yankees love. It's the act. It's the act.