The Yak - Your Lipstick, His Collar, Don't Bother, Angel, I Know Exactly What Goes On | The Yak 12-17-21

Episode Date: December 18, 2021

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. fuck covid oh tommy's there shit um motherfucker covid i hope covid gets fucked in the face and the eyeball. I agree. Yeah. Alright. How do I do it so I can see everyone? I'm not going to be able to stay long. I got a chaotic house today.

I got four kids around the computer and a dog, so I'm just here for a little bit. Which one is that? Is that a new one? Yeah, it's a new one. You found a new one. Wait, look. Uh-oh new one. I just got it. He found a new one. Wait, look. Uh-oh, Kyle. Look at Uncle Kyle. Oh!

You see here, Nick and Uncle Kyle? Do they know that there's 400,000 people watching? I don't know. I'm doing my best. Y'all have a good show. Hey there, big guy. Wait, wait. Was that for me?

Was that for me? I think that was for you. How old is that kid on your lap, Brandon? He's six. Kyle, let's do it again. I'll see y'all. Good little boy. See you, Brandon.

Did he pass the good little boy test? Yeah, what a good boy. How the fuck on my phone do I do it so I can see everyone at the same time? I've never used Zoom on my phone. I don't think that's a thing. What do you mean it's not a thing, TJ? I don't think that's a phone thing that you can do. Oh, there it is.

What just happened? It's in speaker view, so when I talk, you're seeing the show because I'm the show. Can you keep it in this? If I talked for the entire show and no one else talked, yeah, it would keep it in. I think you can pin it would keep it. You can. I think you can pin it. I don't know if you can do that on the phone. Hold down on the screen, maybe?

I have no idea. I've never used Zoom on the phone before. Kyle, are you wearing my sweatshirt? Yes. All right. Well, I'll hang out for a little bit. I'll hang out as I'm driving. I'm driving for my vaccination

good man how you feeling mr shop i feel good i went much like when you're a child uh i got vaccinated and then i went and i bought um twenty dollars worth of frozen yogurt with toppings oh yeah nice big cat since you're in your, can you drive past one of those double deck New York bus tours and like roll your window down and shock everybody like The Rock does? Hey, guys, it's me. You didn't think that would happen, huh? Made your day. All right. So I'm driving now.

So I'll just kind of hang. This is the last Yak of the year by the way unfortunately everyone in the office has covid so we're shut down um gotta get out of there yeah that's a yeah that's ground zero that's yeah how many people are in there right now how many people are in there right now no one who's employed directly to our company just the the the indirect employees so what does that mean the maids the cleaning ladies they brought their hubbies i think it's like it's a party here okay you're gonna hang out for a bit

yeah the yak on zoom hits different yeah it does i heard frank was uh was a beast yesterday yeah yeah i mean the thing is you're if you're not in person to stop him he just goes yeah and i i that was my fault i was in the office yesterday when i we were we were getting ready to go travel for an interview and pft got positive so i went to do pmt in the studio and uh tj was like yeah frank was just sitting in the yak studio by himself and no one was in there i had forgotten to tell him that everyone had covid um so that's on me bad leadership he said that he uh wasn't going to go to the office because of covid but he didn't want to get suspended from the yak again so that was the only reason he went yeah that really made me feel bad yeah so maybe next thursday we do a zoom and suspend them yeah i think we have to

just hop on and just be like where were you frank yeah this is uh this sucks this sucks for everyone at home sorry we will be back after the first of the year but yeah this this sucks for sure i'm having fun yeah i don't hate it. Okay. Let me see if I can get. I can't really. What were you going to say, Nick, about TJ? TJ, what is the Pick Central logo doing in the bottom right? This is, I'm embarrassed. I hate that.

Thank you, TJ. Slow fade. That's a nice slow fade. All right. Well, that's the yak. Yeah, fuck. Now, how are you feeling, Sass? I'm good. I went for a little walk this morning, double masked up,

didn't want to infect anybody. Do you have symptoms? do you have symptoms no i'm i'm not sick anymore but um we're sick yeah i was sick and i'm just kind of staying in my room now it's a good angle yeah that's in a yeah that's what i kind of like i like for the good of the show I kind of want to get in a car accident you almost have to your sunglasses flying off from the airbag would be very funny it would be so funny

it would be so funny if I got in a car accident you guys just watch me like what if my last gasp my last breath of air was on the yak zoom what a bummer can you tilt the phone a little lower no the other way so high no i can't the body rolled the other way in the sunroof

you should try and get pulled over oh yeah you should speed yeah yeah i'm gonna start speeding looks like you're flying yeah what even is the risk i'm doing a lane change i'm going real fast i'm going right now it says i'm going 115 miles an hour all right drive through mcdonald's and get the travis scott meal yeah yeah i wish i wish i had uh saved some of my ice cream to eat on the yak but yeah it was um it was a true fat boy move where i was like you know what i got the i got the booster i did the responsible thing i'm gonna go get 16 handles where you get you served yourself your own toppings and your frozen yogurt. I did $20 worth.

$20 worth. Did you get some boba on it? Dude, I got everything. I got boba. I got, I got ligma. I said boba. I would never try to get you with that. Those little jelly balls, right?

Yeah. No, fuck that. Gross. Those are good. Jelly balls? Those are amazing. Yeah, they are. No, they're bad.

I've actually never had them. They just seem foreign to me. So out of principle, I never eat them. Well, they are foreign. So there you go. Yeah, that's why they seem foreign yeah they just are sass what would you say uh in terms of like life experience the last week and a half is done for you you're like a 28 year old now uh not quite i think i've reversed all i've been doing is playing video games and just sitting in my room but i'm getting real good at apex legends oh hell yes three wins yesterday

we need to buy your cubicle for the office so you can get life experience there yeah you know what actually would be good um for your next review with davis if you if you join stool game time with smitty that will work yeah with smitty and m rags yeah i don't like the thing is with like i don't know if i would be want to do streaming because like i enjoy video games so i don't really know if i want to make it like a part of my job yeah i could see that there's stress involved i mean when i did dugs there was legitimate stress like i felt stress going into games well you also had like a hundred thousand people watching you right yeah but it was more stress about like not sucking so bad and

like there's actually i being bad at video games and having everyone tell you you're bad at video games it like elicits like a 12 year old feeling in yourself you just feel so bad yourself people like dude you suck at this game you start to like be like damn i read like this really sucks this is a bad feeling. Didn't TJ have his friend come in and help you out? No. Oh, yeah, that's right. His best friend. Oh, yeah.

Stop. He was good. He was really good. He was nasty at Fortnite. Say what you want about him. He has a future. He started Fuel Hooligans. I don't know how big of things things he'll do but they'll be big

your lipstick is color don't bother angel i know exactly what goes on that was taking back sunday i know it's taking back sunday but why it was cute without the e why yeah i don't know and like there's like an awkward like lol in conversation that's hardly a lull yeah there wasn't we were literally we were okay hand up i'm trying to sing that part and i was itching you you could make the argument that that was actually the the first time we were really clicking there well maybe maybe i practiced that this morning and thought i had it down perfectly have you ever seen do you have any other songs for lulls uh yeah but we have to we have to get there

nick are you happy you changed your flight for this man yeah i didn't want to miss the yak anymore so i changed uh my flight wednesday it was it was actually a train but yeah why are you going home now? Tonight. Oh, really? Yeah. You flying Spirit with Dave? No, no, no. Oh, he ain't flying. He ain't flying shit. Boy's in a fucking

packed-ass bus. Those pictures are going 12 hours on a bus. 12 hours. I bus. 12 hours. I'm afraid of flying. You know your seat about to be sticky as hell.

It's a mega bus and I have the whole row. Ain't no sanitation on that shit. Those pictures weren't from today, were they? I think they were. Unless it was a joke. I think the spirit part was a joke. Yeah. Does spirit fly to Mexico?

Probably. Probably not like intentionally. Just when it like diverts course. Spirit crashes into mexico on occasion yeah i got to use my first ever touch grass bro on someone on twitter it felt really good is that why you use when people are like being lame yeah yeah like they're just too online like this something i was like dude you just got a you got a booster for a shot that we don't even know if it works and like arguing with me just because I said I got the booster and he, and I just wrote back touch grass, bro. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah.

Felt really good. You think he went outside after that? He said good one question mark. So I think so. Oh, so it wasn't. Okay. It. Okay, it's happening. It's happening. Oh, yes. Oh, shit. Pulled over. Stream ends when you get pulled over. Whoa, shit. Yeah, actually.

You didn't think it... Damn, that would be unreal if he got pulled over. No, it wouldn't be. The risk-reward is there for you. It would be mad funny. It would be mad funny. I'm going over the Brooklyn Bridge right now. Oh, boy.

Oh, there it is. Whoa. We got to get you a little tripod or a mount. Yeah, just for these occasions. Zoom yaks. From the car. Yeah. You guys want to see?

Okay. Can you see that? That's your apartment. Yep, right there. I live on the top of the bridge like part of like like there's a five percent part of my content brain that's like i just want to ram into someone in front of me just for fun it would be it would be so funny no i know the funniest clip that you've ever been a part is there next red light you're at we're gonna

get to the next level. Yeah. Let's get the person next to you at the next red light on the show. Move your window down. Yeah. Yak GTA. Oh, that'll be amazing. So sick. You guys want to do a Twitter space over the break at some point?

For sure. Yeah. I'm addicted to them. Big Cat, I saw you in moan spaces last night. Who? What? Moan space. What's that?

What's that? It's Twitter spaces and everyone's just moaning sexually. What? And I saw Big Cat in it on the top of my page. Was I actually in there? No. I was just doing a shtick. I think that was a big one. If it was me, I was in there and I would have been like, oh.

But that's how many times I've jumped into a space and been like, no, this sucks, and hopped out. So you could tell me I've been in any space. I'd be like, yep, okay, this sucks and hopped out. So you could tell me I've been in any space. I'd be like, yup. Okay. That sounds, that's, that sounds right. I jumped into one yesterday when you were in it and it was, uh, I left after 10 seconds. There was one I was in, there was no, there was one with NFTs that was like very, like it was almost like a PhD art class class but about digital like doodles and selling

them on nfts it was crazy i felt high listening to it no they didn't let me speak do you do most of them let you speak like you just request and they let you in yeah i think i think it's the i think it's the one time that having a blue check mark helps because they're like oh this guy must be like important or official or something but clearly i'm not the one that i was in yesterday you when you left they were all going nuts they were like dude that was big cat they were going crazy i think it's gonna only last about another week but i'm to really burn it out. Like many of my addictions, I'm going to ride it as hard as I can and then never do it again.

Yeah, it's smart. People have been asking for you guys to do an overbreak or something, a yak space. Yeah, we are. We're going to. We're definitely going to do that. I'm saying it right now. We'll pick a day, maybe next week like no one's doing anything maybe we'll do a night yak maybe

we'll do a late night yak let's do a 3 a.m let's do a christmas morning yak yeah let's do it yeah do a little gift swap you think we can keep it 24 7 spaces going we did shifts that would actually be very funny let's do it we could play music can you play music you can moan you can moan freely wait can you play music on twitter spaces i can't imagine you get copyrighted on it. So we should do a Friday Vibes. You would have to just play music from another phone into your phone. Yeah. But, like, you can play music from your computer.

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Okay, we're going to do that. That's actually, yeah, we're going to do that next week. We'll do a friday vibes everyone come with their songs people can come in and listen and we'll do exactly that's okay fuck yes fuck yes all right twitter space friday vibes yeah maybe not on friday because that's christmas isn't friday christmas on saturday oh no christmas is on friday Isn't Friday Christmas on Saturday? Oh, no, it's Christmas Eve on Friday. So maybe Thursday?

The in-person Friday Vibes live show? Yes. At a karaoke bar? Can I switch my camera around? Are you guys free late today? We're going to do some people watching. Oh, yeah. Ask them what song they're listening to. It's a fun friend.

Yeah, roll your window down and just see. It's a nice day. Pick up a hitchhiker, Big Cat. Oh, that would actually be a great show yeah we just picked up hitchhikers wait wait stop and interview them stop and play like vanessa carlton at full blast listen we're we're no no no one dude like the the thousand miles song full blast The Thousand Miles song, Full Blast. Why? You're just chanting out to it while people are watching. Like white chicks?

We're in Brooklyn now. No one knows Barstool or the Yak or me or anything. It's great. They know Deadspin. Yeah, who do they know? They think Dave Portnoy is running for president as a nazi yeah you guys gonna watch spider-man nazi part do you guys see that video did you you guys see

that video from the theater of the people like screaming and cheering at the spider-man premiere no but shout out chris castellini if you didn't see his review. He went to Spider-Man last night dressed as Spider-Man. I love that guy so goddamn much. Did you see the rest of Spider-Man? Yeah. Steven, can you hit him up

and see if he could join real quick and give us a review? I like him a whole lot. I love him. Did you see the guy that went in the full spider-man suit and mask and he went up to the counter and he was like two tickets please almost got in an accident almost got in an accident look at this this guy right here he pissed and just sitting right here what's going on he's yeah okay he's like why are you videotaping me all right one time somebody slapped the side of their car and

asked me if i wanted to trade some paint does that just mean like scrape up against each other i guess steven text me the zoom link text me the zoom link and i will uh hop off for a second and text it to chris and tell him to join your lipstick is called don't bother me, Joe. Kyle, you're so good at singing. All right, it's not that bad. Can you do Q is what we aim for? Q is what we aim for, Curse of Curves. Please.

We'll get there. I know. Yeah, sooner than you probably want oh man tyler you got to get internet at your place man don't why don't you have internet you know where you know where they have internet my bus tonight. Ghana. How long is the bus ride? It's two hours shorter than the train. So what, 12 hours? No, it's I'm leaving at 10.45 tonight. And we're to Pittsburgh

at 6am. Are you leaving from Port Authority? No, it's a little bit a ways to the Megabus stop. Better than the Port Authority. Yeah, the Megabus isn't bad. It's just gross. There's a bathroom on it, right?

Yeah, but I don't use it. Yeah, but you're going in the middle of the night. Where will you sleep? You can't extend your body. Yeah, with COVID, you get the two seats. So I'm going to put the armrest up and make a way. Are you sure you have the two seats? Certain.

Nice. You used to have two seats on the Amtrak, and now they only give you one. Right. It's $39 to get home, which is nice. Yeah, that is nice. A lot of travel. That's pretty crazy. You love train zone, Nick.

Oh, this one's, I'm taking a bus this time. You should do a Twitter space for the entire bus ride. That wouldn't piss anyone else off. You know what? You're right. Yeah, I'll talk the entire time on this bus. There's a lot of regular people that take the bus. Do you think you're going gonna be the only influencer on the bus um i think oh definitely not definitely not every time charlie demilio there's probably

gonna be a demilio i heard the demilios are spending their christmas in west virginia that's true it'd be funny if it was like the cousin of like the second cousin of one of the d'amelio's still d'amelio still d'amelio true the mom was in the office yesterday yeah i met her but i think she wanted to fuck me she definitely did she did yeah why else would she have been in the office that's why good points, but hear me out. Don't do it. Would it be worth it in the long run? To fuck a D'Amelio? What if I made another D'Amelio?

Yeah. And that's an investment. Yeah. Right. Right. Because you know that kid's going to make a lot of money for you. Didn't somebody offer to, like, pay for the child of like serena williams and tiger woods or something yeah that's um but that's some fucking that's very like the reddit founder yeah she

she just destroyed her genes with but yeah if they wanted the perfect athlete the perfect influencer would be like a big cat and amelio offspring my god that thing would break the internet that thing oh guys that mutant baby sass i've been getting a lot of photos of you golfing dm'd to me yeah me too not much didn't have much to hide except that i was insanely good at golf in high school yeah wow big joke jokes on jokes on that now that's out of the bag yeah you have a very simple name yeah harry serrani yep what's your middle name sass bauer okay yeah information name are you jewish well how about nick's last name back

nick's last name backwards is in a rut yeah just a sentence it cracks me up yeah it's it does suck it's like uh it's just like i've been predisposed to just i would say most every single name you can't even like sound it out it's not even it's not even like a phonetic possibility yours is a phrase that makes perfect sense and applies to you yeah motherfuckers aren't freaking out like they should be that's what discovery were you trying to just like rot like trying to keep that like a secret so you definitely know i do i've known for a while yeah um you i'm shocked it took you this long because you seem like a guy that you i know you immediately write their name backwards i just never tried like a light bulb moment corona um no like it's just like when i found it out my mom and dad were like yeah we know

like and they just it's just everybody knows it's i'm like stan Yelnats. Yeah. Yeah, except they created that on purpose. Yours is fucking, yours probably has like some etymological weight. Your family does make sock stew though. What? The Yelnats make sock stew. Yeah. On the cured stinky feet. Cured stinky feet cure stinky feet henry winkler sass do you still have covet yeah wait owen and sass aren't you guys like right next to each other right now

we are well we're in our rooms quarantining oh and put on your mask put on your mask and go into sass's room and break the fourth wall no don't do that dude the whole city that's a horrible idea yeah the whole city is yeah like every every block has just huge lines sass do you feel a little bit like a poser because you got covid when it wasn't cool anymore and also everyone has got it. Like, this is when a band blows up this past two weeks. I mean, I haven't, like, I think they're saying that this Omicron variant is, like, way more contagious, but, like, way less bad.

Like, the symptoms aren't as severe. Like, I was sick for, like, 10 hours. I never lost taste or smell but it's just like super contagious i guess that's why everyone's getting it yeah yeah sucks they said yesterday that the kid that the cases were changing by the hour in new york like they were just going up a shit ton every hour. Yeah, I saw that. Sass, have you gotten your hair cut or is it just have you grown into it? Do you like it now?

No, I haven't gotten it cut. I wish I could. I was going to cut it myself, but I think it would be – no, I don't think I have hair for that. I think you should try it. No, that's what I did. I was thinking about giving myself a buzz cut just to see what it looks like. That's what I started to do. What would it look like?

Bad. I threw the bald filter on on Snapchat to see what it would look like, and I don't think it would fit. I don't know, man. I think it would be a good idea. I want KB to grow his hair out real long. I think it would be so funny i saw a picture of you from when i first started and you had super long hair yeah like down to your shoulders almost yeah just about i uh yeah i just go i cut it once you were so cool back then what happened

yeah you were the man yeah you were the man easy, you were the man. Easy. You were the man. Easy, boys. You were the man. Yeah, I know. I decided it was time to pass the torch. Big Cat, you should grow out your hair. That would look awesome. I really wish I could get, like, I wish I could get full white,

you know what I mean? Like, if I was just fully, like fully a silver fox, that would be sick. The Yak as a whole next year, let's do no haircuts. Look at my hair. It's so fucking gray. No haircuts. We can shave our faces. You got the cool gray. You got the Steve Carell

look going. I got the gray like, oh man, that guy's got kids and he's tired. Yeah. Yeah. like oh man that guy's got kids and he's tired yeah but he's also banging Mrs. D'Amelio that kind of thing it is sending that exact message dude yes

let's go what if I just started jerking off in my car in my parked car right now that would be sick. Well, there's a video. And somebody submitted it to Barstow organically of someone jacking off in a car. And you can see the cum coming out of the window. The window?

What? It's like they're in traffic. Jesus Christ. Pull that up. Pull that up. Pull that up, T t i've seen it the car next to him like you can't tell he's jacking off and like just calm sprays out it comes out of the window onto the floor it's something i get it when you do when you go on

like a long road you can't you can't go without jerking off for 10 hours when you're driving for a while by yourself you get horny quick you jack off out the window dude this dude that i'm friends with on twitter used to tweet about to read about jerking off on the highway all the time yeah yeah what how many tweets does he have about that? Were they jokes? I'd have to go back and look. He said he would just jack off while he was driving on the interstate? Yeah. How would he pose that? Like as a joker?

Do you just say it like I'm doing it? Yeah. I don't remember. I remember him talking about it. He'd say, hey, I just busted on I-95. Exactly like that. That's fire. Just made my mark on I-95. Exactly like that. That's fire. Just made my mark on I-95.

Marked my territory. I might have to do it on the bus on the way home. You couldn't. I have the whole row. You could go in the bathroom, squeeze out that would be horrible man that would only come at speeds above 50 miles per hour it's like the movie speed it's like the movie speed yeah um i gotta run uh all right big cat hold it down Hold it down. Hold it down, man. Chris Castellini might join in at any point.

Yeah, we'll welcome him with open arms. I love you guys. I miss you guys. Me too. Thursday, though, we should do the spaces. We should do a Friday vibes, a holiday vibes spaces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

All right, so let's plan on that. how would we know if people want that or not upvote the video upvote this one like the video people want that people want that yeah people want that come on what are you crazy what are you crazy people want that people want All right. I'll see you guys later. See you, big cat. See you, big cat. I might bring like, I might bring fart spray onto the bus just so when I go beat off in the bathroom, nobody thinks I did it. If the bathroom doesn't smell. Where that's ever been done. It smells like a synthetic fart there's no way he's jacking off it smells like an unnatural flatulence oh you cannot be jacking off right now it has to be fake shitting that's the only Kyle, when do you go home?

Next week, Monday to Wednesday. Oh, nice. I tried to get him to come home with me today. No. That's super late. Oh, yeah. So my cancer test was 7 p.m. Okay. So 7 p.m okay so 7 p.m today

yeah and i was i called to confirm they're like yeah 7 p.m and i was like do you have anything earlier and they were like yeah you can come in earlier wait so a big day earlier yeah they didn't tell me that was an option they're like oh you want to come in earlier you should have just said that yeah i do yeah i do 4 p.m now yeah you get the results one at four yeah it's four today do you get the results today no i think it's like a scantron test i won't get them for a while yeah i just have to fill out a questionnaire that's it's not like a Scantron test. I won't get them for a while. I just have to fill out a questionnaire. It's not like a physical test.

So this isn't the ultrasound? Why can't you do that online? You would think, right? I'm just asking. I'm like answering yes or no questions on a piece of paper. What is the texture of your lymph nodes like how hard it seems like something that they should fill out for you right yeah i think they're gonna be we could have done that over the phone are your lymph nodes any bigger they're they're not growing in size wasn't that good

they're growing in like significance like density are they getting denser they're getting harder which is a bad sign well you think it's because you're touching them constantly your biggest symptom is it that would soften them up no touching them would make them swollen i'm kidding it's not a questionnaire that's not a thing are they giving you an ultrasound yeah are you getting the warm jelly the warm goo yeah

on my do-rag too son you getting goo'd up yeah that'll be fun at least do a yak at 5pm right after yeah we should yeah if it's good it's yeah okay i'll live stream yeah when do you when do you get the results um can we i don't know probably like a day later i don't know i'm not thinking about it

you want to talk about literally anything else yeah let's do like a day later i don't know i'm not thinking about it you want to talk about literally anything else yeah let's do like a crossword word fuck yeah i'd love to do this is like this is my tour de france one across d-day beach five letters that feels like something that should be common knowledge omaha thank you tj what do you mean by stanko assist omaha beach all right let's work from that. All right. One down. Leftover scrapped. Leftover scrap. Three words.

O. Leftover scrap? Yeah. Is this like some big shit? Is it what? It starts with an O? Yeah. No, fuck that.

Fuck that. Do the M. Yeah. M? It's also three letters. It is Blade the Blades. M blank blank. What?

Blade the Blades. Nah, that's not... It would be Mo. M-O-W. The shape of food Stanko said is Ort. O-R-T. Stanko said is O-R-T. Stanko? No one knows the word O-R-T.

Wait a minute. No, no Googling. Don't Google it. Did he Google it? What's the point of Google? I know what O-R-T is. O-R-T? Yeah, O-R-T is how he was about to say it.

How does Stanko know orts? Orts is like a combination of leftovers of food. Truly? I think so, yeah. Fuck, do the age down. You guys ever go to nature's classroom? Yeah, that's where I learned it. Yeah, exactly. It's a leftover

food. Yeah, exactly. What? Yeah, we did It's a leftover food. Yeah, exactly. What? Yeah, we did the Oort report. I think. Where are you from? I'm from Connecticut. Oh, okay. Did you do the Underground Railroad experience in yours?

No, I don't think so. Yeah, how did you simulate that? One night, they simulated the Underground Railroad for awareness, so we all knew what they went through. It was a traumatic experience. Then they stopped doing it because it was inappropriate. You probably knew exactly what they went through. Exactly.

Yes, yeah. What? We had a fight club at our nature's classroom and it got shut down hard in your what we we did this we went we did nature's classroom in eighth grade and you like go away with your whole grade and yeah we had part of the fight club we had that was called reap we had to go stay in a cabin for four days, Kyle? It was just two. It felt like four. It was long.

It was brutal. They put us through the ringer. What's the H down? H down? The silent is on the Zoom. Chinese Dynasty three letters. Han. Han.

Yeah. You guys want to speed through chase prep sheet yeah sure have you ever climbed a rope no yeah but i failed yes uh who on the show would be least likely to climb a rope i guess me i I guess Nick. Say me or Nick. Damn, yeah. I would assume KB climbed a rope within the past three weeks. Does vine count? Because I've climbed vines.

No, it's way more obscure. Vine's not a rope. Did you do that uh rainforest cafe nick once no no it's just like the vines out in the woods wood vines the vines that are in the woods that you can just climb yes yeah where do you where are their vines in the woods where you live there's all kinds of vines they're just not your typical jungle vines well they're strong enough for you to climb them oh yeah no i don't fuck you i will never i will never try to like go like do a bit with you when it comes to that shit because you weren't climbing in the woods i was actually climbing and i was

climbing in the woods i have a picture with the mayor because i was climbing in the woods yeah yeah you were you were documenting poop you were taking pictures of poop on the ground your digital camera and writing paragraphs on microsoft word so i was in the middle of the woods and there was like a broken like broken like sewage pipe and there was like a pool of human-like waste and i called like the mayor's office and i have a picture with the mayor that i found like this pool of shit in the middle of the woods that he was they were probably pissed you know like the town regarded him as like a genius the town the mayor yeah they were like he's gonna work for nasa one day yeah you're just a poop prodigy yeah um what is your new year's resolution oh i don't know yeah i don't i don't think i have one

oh what is your ideal weight idea what i'm probably best at 175 i'm trying to cut down to 115 jesus christ remember when kb was actually trying to do that for like a couple days yeah you would have you looked sickly for a little bit, Kyle. You literally wanted to get down to 115. Dude, I mean, wrestling is... You look good. It looks good. Yeah, it looks good. I have irreversible eating disorders and body dysmorphia. What do you see when you look at yourself right now?

Fat. Aren't you shredded? What did you see when you were fat? I didn't look in the mirror i put i like taped like fucking a towel above all my mirrors yeah nick did the same thing but i actually did that yeah i was like shit i i don't look in the mirror really were you bathroom lights are off are you brushing your teeth in the shower no just within the dark okay damn that was a fun one um yeah i was doing it what are your plans for winter break uh fly across the country to answer trivia questions for 30 minutes

oh you'll get to see the game uh no we're leaving right before it yeah okay new year's eve in arizona maybe no we're gonna they're sending us back the day before so okay yeah all right um if you had no responsibilities and could go wherever you wanted for a week, just something you guys don't have, uh, where would you go? Arizona. Yeah. For the whole week. Go watch the ball game. Just a day. Just a day. I guess you guys have never day tripped to arizona are you guys really going back the next day or the same day or the next morning the same day

same day yeah so we're trying to like we're gonna parlay the dana's bar crawl that that drunkenness into the airport they're landing in arizona at four and they have to be on a flight two hours back before back that yeah um what is your favorite roller coaster one that we went on we went on in the mall the mall of america you went on the mall america roller coaster yeah it was awesome that was a good time it was more of a ride than a coaster that was a coaster kb i know you fuck with the exterminator at kennywood that was your favorite you're trying to generalize your own personal opinions the exterminator wasn't even a top nine roller coaster or ride at kennywood i hate how you see right through me because that one is my favorite your favorite by far no one fucking exterminator you

couldn't even get wet did you guys do the gravitron what's the gravitron oh geez what is this this has to be the mall of america roller coaster oh we didn't do this one no we were on a baby boy yeah i was terrified too hands up boys dude me and roan went with these two kids and they were like they they had like season passes like they would ride these roller coasters every day and they were like they were like pretty old and uh they were just talking about the roller coasters like they knew everything about them it was awesome that is like a breed of human who loves they were like first time they're like yes you're gonna be lucky if we get a lot of spins because the one that we were on like it would spin while it was like going around

and we like didn't get any spins and they were like that was a rough one and then they like saw owen and owen was getting a bunch of spins and they were like pissed that owen was getting more spins than we were yeah we were fucking homing around dude have you guys gone on the um teenage mutant ninja turtle one at the american dream mall in uh jersey in the metal now it's like the way it's built like with the bars like next to it it like gets you nauseous just like it's an optical illusion the entire time you're riding it if you pull up the video and it'll just make you sick that's like is that like the harry potter ride isn't that one like super like digital like fuck you christ you're quick with the tj

oh shit is this where we're off? This is it? Yeah, we're on it right now. Damn. See, I don't like going upside down. We didn't do that. That's the best part about rollercoaster. I don't like being high. I'd rather go upside down than be high.

Yeah, those low guys are nice. I would do a rollercoaster that's only low. Yeah. You ever just watch top 10? Baby, you'd fuck with the exterminator, man. The exterminator at Kennywood? It's not even top nine. Oh, Chris. Hold on. He's going to jump right into a rollercoaster.

He has opinions about rollercoasters. Yes. Chris. Hey, sorry. It took me a minute, guys. Don't worry about it, man. We're out and about there. Thanks for having me. Rollercoasters. Care to take a ride? Let's do it. Are you a roller coaster guy?

Not really. Not particularly. Not against them by any means. We don't have a lot around here so I haven't really been on one in a while. Gotcha. You're close to Cedar Point. Close enough. Close enough to Cedar Point. Nick Shebang.

Never been. No. point close enough close enough to cedar point nick shebang never been no um you infiltrated diamond girls the baseball club for girls yeah to go to what theme park i was at cedar point yeah all right just curious yeah yeah all right chris um we were gonna have you on when big cat was here uh talk about spider-man what was he gonna ask you went you went in full spider-man uh garb did you know let's see still got rocking it right here man yeah is that the is that the toby mcguire one no okay yeah the uh original OG suit, man. I fell asleep in it last night. Really?

Yeah. I mean, you wake up coated in sweat or? No, you know what's weird is like, okay, the only inconvenience is that you can't touch shit. So I had to cut holes in the thumb and index finger areas so that I could use my phone and use my GPS and shit like that. But besides that, it's actually no, it's relatively like, you know, it's like a giant, it's a pajama suit, essentially. I mean, it's not. Yeah. Aside from that, it's pretty practical.

Yeah. I fell asleep in a wetsuit in seventh grade on Halloween, and I almost sweat too much in my sleep. I almost didn't wake up. No, I got in a fair amount of trouble my junior year of high school because I was a huge fan of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and I love Green Man. And I was trying to find a Green Man suit, and I couldn't, but I found a blue one. And I wore the entire thing over my body and it was incredibly snug and I was going to basketball games with this thing into over my body and they said like dude you gotta wear shorts or something like you can't like yeah you're essentially you're

essentially naked at a high school basketball game and okay yeah that's fair yeah I went as a I went as Dr. Manhattan one Halloween from Watchmen. Oh, boy. Wow. Yeah. I wore the boots. And then I wore it like that. Like with flash photography, you could just see my tiny penis. Yeah. Dr. Manhattan was the inventor of the dangling blue dong.

I actually got Watchmen right around here. Our principal was actually the opposite. He made you keep wearing it. He was like, yeah, I love Watchmen. he made you keep wearing it he was like yeah i love watchmen you got to keep the same vincent you got to keep wearing that he brought in like an old like flash bulb photography set to take photos of me you could see right through it yeah the light was so bright i was just standing naked does maddie you uh were you the only one there in Spider-Man, or were there a couple other Spider-Mans?

I was the most committed, I would say, of the gang. There was about, you know, there were people there in hats and in gloves and shit like that, but I was definitely. And then I, you know, I came in because my goal was to just walk through the lobby without showing my face and immediately two security guards are like you gotta take the mask off dude oh so you had the mask on yeah i know when i came in yeah um i didn't i wasn't wearing it when i was driving or any that shit but i was i walked in with with the with the with the garb and then i uh no and

i came out and uh they were like yeah you can't do that which i think i think that's been a rule uh for a while now because i remember even going back to star wars they always said like you gotta you gotta be showing your face yeah no weapon either i have mine packed for one of my gifts this weekend but yours was like much higher quality than mine oh that's good too that's a good that's not bad not bad all Not bad. All right. So how was the middle? I enjoyed it. I, you know, what's weird is like, I saw, I probably came across a little bit pessimistic in my like two minute review.

I enjoyed it quite a bit. It's a ton of fun. You should see it. Like it's totally worth seeing in theaters. There's a lot of things in it that are completely awesome and unexpected. I was not crazy about the last like 10 minutes and um i i look forward you know if they have me on this week to talking about it on lights

camera barstool because i think that my explanation for why i didn't like the ending is something that you just can't explain in like a five minute youtube video like i think it goes it goes a little bit beyond um it's just kind of a personal thing that i don't i'm not gonna spoil it but i really hate that the mcu is now in a place where you can just say fuck it magic and like undo things i think that's kind of lame um so like a cop out yeah because i like like tony stark is dead i saw him die like that's cool to me that like they, you can have those stakes and they matter. And so now it's just like, they're just kind of, you can, things can kind of be undone. It doesn't feel like there's as much weight as there used to be, but in general, no, it's a very good movie. It's totally like, I've seen so much shit this year and so much shit that didn't deserve to be seen in theaters. And now it's like, okay, yeah, this is actually a movie that's made for movie theaters and it's a lot of fun jeff and ken jack i think really reamed into it and i think they hated it so i think they only gave it like a 99 dude man thank you for saying that and i love those guys i i get i've gotten shit you'll be doing that i have gotten shit on on that reddit so much because they'll be like yeah this movie's

all right i give it a 94 and i'm like i, I'm like, like, like Belfast. We saw Belfast and both of us, all three of us really enjoyed it. And I was like, yeah, this is one of the better movies I've seen this year. Like I gave it a 77. Now to me, that rounds up to an eight out of 10, which is like, okay, that's a good movie. 77 is good. Yeah. Right.

Like that is to me worthy of potentially being in my top 10 at the end of the year. And Jeff was like, you know, I liked it, but I didn't like it the way that some other people did. I'm like, okay, we'll be in agreement. And he was like, I think in 91, which again, their opinions, that's fun. I love those guys. I'm not going to shit talk. But it's funny that people have gotten on me for my rating system. And it's a weird, it's a difficult thing to do when

you're on a movie podcast because in general i think most movies are generally like kind of dog shit like i think most movies kind of stink like so i think i'm the opposite too i think movies are watchable um but not like great yeah and so like when i see something like belfast well yeah this is really good um yeah but no it, I'm glad you brought that up because they were there was a post today where it's like, I really hope Castellani isn't on the show this week because he's just going to give it a way lower rating than the other guys. And I'm going to talk about it because like I really like I'm so adamantly against people who do that because like and I look, i love working here and i love being on that podcast but like my opinion it's really not that important like if you're letting my opinion on a movie bother you like i don't know man and and again and for the record i liked it that's what's funny is i was on if i went on there and trashed it'd be one thing i i randomly like offhandedly

said you know i thinkVerse is just good. And there was a 30 fucking paragraph Reddit about like, I can't believe they didn't talk about that. Like, how dare you? And I'm like, I like the movie. All three of us like the movie. Yeah. Sass is a little bit of a cinephile. He has a Boondock Saints poster and a Fight Club poster up in his room.

Yeah. I watched Fight, I rewatched Fight Club again recently. Does it hold up? Yes and no. I haven't watched it in a decade. It's so... That and The Matrix are so late 90s edge

with the way they're shot. It's like if Mountain Dew was a movie. Whoa. I love it. I don't know who you're dissing more there. I'm saying that's a good thing, but it just ages. Like the way that it's whoa i love it i don't know who you're dissing more there i'm saying that's a good thing but it just ages like the way the matrix has like the matrix was awesome when it came out and you watch it today and it's been parodied by a fucking shrek parody the matrix like it's so you watch it and it's like okay this is a little bit like it's a little bit dated i also find like the very message of the movie to be kind of bizarre where it's like if

you feel lost in your life and you feel trapped just commit domestic terrorism and everything will find itself in the end like i think yeah like which again in the movie is so much fun but i was watching i'm like it's really good it's not in my top three favorite like fincher movies i i would say like social networking seven more and zodiac i would say though br Network and 7More and Zodiac. I would say, though, Brad Pitt's rock and bod in that is the ideal man's body. Oh, for sure. I mean, and like there's definitely positives to seeing Jared Leto get the shit beaten out of him. Like that's one weird thing about the late 90s, early 2000s is between that and American Psycho. If you don't like Jared Leto, you can pick and choose between him getting punched in the face

or Christian Bale taking an axe to his chest. He gets amputated in Requiem for a Dream, doesn't he? That's right. I forgot about that. He gets real fucked up. He lost a limb. You were probably distracted by the double dildo scene, Chris. That's

one of those movies that's so good, but I can't watch it again. No. It's just, that is a fucking intense movie to sit through. Yeah. You're very good at expressing opinions in a way that doesn't, like, polarize people. Because I love your strong opinions, even if I don't agree with them. It doesn't make me upset. Thank you. And I'll talk about this when i

talk with jeff and those guys it's like i think that especially with movies there's youtube channels out there very popular ones that have gotten this impression that like if you like this you're a loser or you're a weirdo like i love red letter media they're my favorite youtube channel but like they had this whole brigade about like a whole crusade where they're like if you want to see the snyder cut you're a weirdo and i'm like why like i and i hate those movies but like what's on what's uncool about people actually wanting to see something that's awesome like or that they enjoy like that's that's like saying you're a loser for liking a bad sports team like the mets fuck everything up but frank the tank is awesome because he roots for he'll

unconditionally root for this team that you know is probably going to go sideways at some point but that that's just what we do that's like that's that's what barstool is is like being committed to stuff so I mean I just view it like as a waste of time to be like oh this guy's opinion is lame like I might disagree with it um but like Spider-Man's one of those things especially for me where like I just love that character unconditionally. It doesn't mean that I don't think some of his movies suck, but like I love the Tigers unconditionally. I have never been a part of a team that didn't win the last postseason game in a year. Like every year typically ends in disappointment, but just every opening day I'm back there like I'm going to be there watching them.

So, you know, I i mean i appreciate that and it's something i strive for because i think there's a way to have discourse that's actually honest and real without people pointing fingers and motherfucking people and i think that's like one thing lcb does a great job and hopefully that i continue to do hell yeah sass what do we got you've been you've been quarantined have you watched anything uh yeah i mean i've just been watching a lot of dexter um i watched this movie called a drift the other night which is pretty good oh who's in that um what are you talking about a drift yeah drift yeah shailene woodley right oh yeah that was pretty good i didn't know that was a true story either so shailene woodley like i can't like she has like

a face that you can't put an age to now yeah she looks face to her name i'm not shocked stuff can i kill her now you ever see that yeah it's really good i haven't yeah miles teller great movie she was uh supposed to be mj and the andrew garfield spider-man right wasn't supposed to be she was cast they filmed they filmed sequences with her um like there is amazing spider-man one and two are the most foobar studio movies ever. Like there is somewhere out there, a four hour cut of both those movies with a bunch of extended sequences that we just never saw, but she was on set. They felt there were like set photos of her with the red hair and

everything that have been filmed. And they like Avi Arad, who's one of the Marvel producers, like probably has it on his laptop somewhere and we'll just never see it. What was the word you used? Fubar? I liked that a lot and I wasn't going to say anything i was just going to steal it for a later use go ahead yeah okay shaylene woodley yes i'm into her um yeah no she's not she's married to aaron rogers she was attainable in some of her roles. Karen Rogers for you. She's obtainable like somebody that looks like her you could obtain?

No, like in A Fault in Our Stars. She has cancer in that, doesn't she? Yes, like her character was. Oh, I know exactly how you could eat her, Kyle. There was a semblance of attainability there. It wasn't like I can beat out. Is it the cancer that makes her obtainable? Yes. Yes. there it wasn't like i can like beat out is it the cancer that makes her obtainable yes

yeah i don't know i like her as an actress you got to start walking around with an unlit cigarette if you do have cancer yeah yeah it's a metaphor i confuse uh what was that a fault in our stars yeah i confuse that with perks of being a wall flower for some reason which i which i triply confuse with me earl and a dying girl oh jesus there was that period in the late or actually no it was the early like 2010s when they just tried to cash in on every young adult novel because she was also in divergent which was essentially the hunger games um and like so you know there was there was the fault in our stars there was also that one that came out a couple years ago fuck that was set that was about the kid who lived in space and then came back down i know i think it was asa

butterfield was in it i gotta find it oh it. Oh, was it Ender's Game? No. There was that, too, that they adapted. Was it Jacob Tremblay with the deformed face? Wonder. And it was, oh, fuck, what was the name of it? That was a good one, Kyle. The Space Between Us was the name of it, where he was a kid that had grown up in space

and then came back down to Earth and was adjusting to the atmosphere. Oh, yeah, he couldn't leave his room, yeah yeah that's right yes and i'll take that arrow like out his bedroom window you'll take that era of movie kyle you hate like superhero movies don't you i hate this current era of cinema so much it's just the opposite of my taste man i kind of do too i've like you know i try not to be overly cynical because i do like i do love great but like i don't know and i know some people like this and i'll talk about it more but when i get to my worst of the year but like venom 2 might have been the worst thing i've ever

seen and i almost walked out of it because i was like have you ever walked out of a movie i've walked out of one movie so i walked out of one and it was like have you ever walked out of a movie i've walked out of one movie walked out of one and it was for a very weird reason mine was avatar the blue you walked out of it the blue one just because i don't like 3d movies as a glasses guy and i also thought it was weird that they fuck with their ponytails but they also like attach them to their horses i walked out of pitch perfect two i walked out of pitch perfect three oh shit you guys had two chances to learn what was up i had never seen one was great i had never seen one or two i heard they were good or i heard i heard one was good and three they're taking over

a cruise ship to rob it in international waters that's what yeah i never saw three or two was brutal yeah uh chris what did you walk out of yeah what did you walk okay this is a this is a weird reason it's actually recently it just came out um it was edgar wright's the last night in soho and i'll tell you why and it's great ed Edgar Wright, I love. It's a silly, uh, it's because I hate, like with a passion,

they just like the sensory overload. I just can't take it. And it annoys the shit out of me. And I was watching it. And first of the movie itself, I just, it wasn't crazy about it. It was kind of boring.

Like it's there. It was well-made technically. And I just got to a point where I'm like, if there's one more fucking jump scare in this movie, I'm walking out. And they got one. And I'm like, all right, reach my quota. I'm out. Did you say that out loud? Were you like, all right.

I could have because I was the only person in the theater. It was an 11 a.m. showing on a Friday in Lansing, Michigan. So it's not exactly, you know, it's not exactly a hotbed of activity at a theater inside a mall. That's about to close. I just like file for bankruptcy, which is a true story. Yeah. In the theater is the best.

I was in there for grind. Remember that skateboard movie grind at the Ohio Valley mall. Only one in there. I was free. Yeah. Chris, you should go. Spider-Man stood up. It's a movie.

For all of them now? That's just a thing? It'd be a commitment for sure. I may have to bring it out at some point eventually. I mean, I'm probably going to see the movie again at some point soon. When I was younger, I went to see Sausage Party. And we got kicked out. And we bought tickets to see Nine Lives, the cat movie. So then I had to go sit in that, and we were the only people there, and it was terrible.

Was that the cat that was voiced by Kevin Spacey? Yes. I believe so. It's where – it was like one of those movies that comes out every few years that becomes like they try to make into like this cult film um it's just really bad like the most the strangest part is just uh christopher walken playing the shop owner and like you know doing christopher walkenism and it's but it's directed too by barry sonnenfeld who did like men in black and did like actual good movies and He did a fucking talking cat movie. Owen, you look really cool with the haircut.

I haven't adjusted to it yet. It feels too long for how short it is on the side. Well, you're lined up, bro. You gotta fade. I know. Crispy. It's fade season like not another teen movies oh the parody movie era was the best meet the spartans yeah i went to see one with my mom and then we left like two minutes in and okay like parody movie era was the best parody youtube video where like it was just

a bunch of dudes like doing like call me maybe spoofs was the worst yeah the harvard baseball team yeah like baseball teams doing like katie perry uh like spoofs yeah but yeah we we left not another teen movie two minutes in and went to sled dogs in the same theater for the last 17 minutes and that was that cuba that was yeah that's cuba cuba's best work yeah that was right after it might not have been right after but like he won an oscar and then his next a few movies later he was making fucking snow dogs um it was a strange arc to his career now chris movies you get to keep three movies what are you keeping all time yeah uh the dark knight whiplash and the shawshank redemption damn that's a good three good because

i think the dark knight i can watch pretty much on repeat any day. Whiplash, I think, is the best movie of recent era, like the last 10 years. And Shawshank is like just kind of just one of those few perfect things like in life. Like it just hits in a way that other movies don't. So, yeah, I mean, I could I nearly went with any of the with the Star Wars movies. The problem is, like, I can't if I – I can't just watch Empire Strikes Back. I have to watch like A New Hope and then Empire and then Jedi. So if we're talking just individual movies and not series, I would probably say those three, yeah.

All right, Chris. I'm going to give you – you got to guess the Rotten Tomatoes score. Okay. It's got to be within 10 okay law abiding citizen um i think in the 20s or close to the 20s like 27 maybe 26 on the tomato meter i thought that was gonna stump you because that's like a like a widely regarded great film that people really enjoy. Well, I bet it has a high audience score, but critically, yeah. It does, 75%.

Yeah, critically, it did not clean up. Okay. Yeah. Wow. I'll try to do more. No, that'd be fun, yeah. No, it's one of our favorite games. Yeah, but we're not good

at it i don't like getting dominated by one yeah just not too fair i mean i've always since i've been growing up i pay attention to that stuff like what you know the way ratings work is just kind of bizarre to me but like you know i i it's it's strange that certain movies are get the kind of basis or grading that other movies do not benefit. Because you're right. I remember when that came out, generally audiences were like, yeah, it's all right. It's pretty good. Yeah.

I think it's weird that critics critique kids' movies. That should be kids. What do you guys think? Stuart Little too. Okay, shit. I'm going to say low 60s. I don't remember this.

What is it? I'm going to say low 60s. 80? 81. For the second? Yeah. The kids' movies do really well. Yeah, they do.

82%? Yeah. The kids' movies do really well. Yeah, they do. Well, that's the... Short Tomato, 82%. Both the Paddingtons are 100. Yeah, no, isn't Paddington 2 like the highest rated Rotten Tomatoes movie ever? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, so how does that work? Like, what are you looking for? Like, you're a 55-year-old man.

Like, what are you looking for to to judge at this movie yeah it's odd ice cubes barbershop the next cuts at 92 percent was that thought was that the most recent one uh maybe it like 2016 because i remember i remember that yeah reading the reviews for that being like wow this is getting like bizarrely great reviews for just kind of a movie that's just there you went to the theater dressed as ice cube didn't you chris i think i well i do most of the time anyway so it's not it's really out of character to me that's that's generally my sense of fashion is you do dress like ice cube you're right right. Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. It's 2-11.

You boys want to call it? Yeah, I think we've got enough. Chris, thank you very much. Yeah. Of course. Thank you so much, guys. I had a lot of fun. And we'll hopefully do it again soon.

Of course. All right. Appreciate you guys. All right, boys. We'll see you. Oh, geez. That's the action. I appreciate you guys see you bye oh jeez that's the act that's the act

for the year PJ sign us off bye no no no do it go on that's

are we off yeah did you fuck her Are we off? Yeah. Did you fuck her? Thank you.