The Yard - BEST OF THE YARD (2023)

Episode Date: January 21, 2024

Feast upon this. It is good for you. Thanks for listening!

Hello Yard viewers, it is us from the future 10 years from now, as you can tell by Aiden's super weird outfit that's really normal for our time. But we look great. We look great. For the future, I mean, right? Like, we look... I still have Shake's shirt. The Grand Wars took a toll on us all, but we do want to say this is our best of, and this might be the best of the best ofs that we've ever done. It's the best ever. We went through all the years, this is the best one, so enjoy all the clips. Enjoy it well, Alas, before the Grand Wars. So enjoy all the clips Enjoy well last before you know Must speak of the grain

Filled with grain! If you like our podcast, you like the yard, here's the best of the year. It will be the last of the four in the United States. Chosen largely in part by the Patreon Discord, so hey, if you're not in there already, go in there. And we will fight our bread and forage. And enjoy your life and our video, hello. Fear the grain. Don't do the French accent when I'm not around so you're better when I am around. Oh, I'm sorry, you don't want me to fucking practice for the big game?

No, because the big game? No, because the big game is usually like, and I get a cream pie in my pussy, and I get a baby at the end of it. In nine months, I guess, it's about that long. I take espresso, I clench my fist, I go, ah, voila, we call you Jean-Pierre. Ah, bonjour, Jean-Pierre. You were my little company at one point.

Big bisous for you. Oh For that Do you remember 9-11? I was there. Oh my god, yeah. Where were you? Dude, how was it? New York. I was in the doctor's office in New York City.

Were you in Manhattan? Both of my parents were in Manhattan. And my uncle was a first responder. Holy shit. That's crazy. Yeah. My uncle worked on the pile for about a month after. Just pulling out rubble and steel beams and finding humans items Well definitely no humans died in that accident. That's

2996 First to say that Hopefully you started from a Biscoff cookie argument Three, believe it or not Three, no Five consecutive Biscoff cookie arguments It was a rough day for a lot of people We got a bad email

You know what I mean? No, they're American Airlines, right? We're at different airlines. They were all different airlines. That's so smart. Of them. Kudos to the team behind that masterpiece. Dude, Osama loves you.

The yearly review. The one guy in the room for like five years before who was like, it should probably be different airlines. Os who was like, it should probably be different airlines. Right? So I was like, yeah. This is my job, King. Okay, sure.

This is my job, King, as Osama. Look, I say silent during these portions. Cannibal Lecter is in jail. Yeah. Like he needs- He's in the movie. In the movie. In the movie, he's in jail.

Yeah. Because of all the people he ate. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine that he didn't eat people, but instead he ate Hello Fresh. Yeah. Which is just, which has like normal food in it. Silence of the Lambs is so much less compelling.

Silence of the Lambs, when he's like, skip the grocery stores. It's time for Hello Fresh. And then Jodie Foster is like, are the, are the, are the, well, wait, Hannibal, Dr. Lecter, Dr. Lecter, do the, are the ingredients farm fresh and pre-portioned? And he's like, yes, Clarice, March is National Nutrition Month.

And they have diet-friendly meal options, not like what what i eat because i eat human brains and poop and but instead he'd be like yes clarice it's easy quiz pro low you be jody foster quiz pro quote quote clarice do you like soy glazed Salmon with rice Soy being Do you like it Do you like mushroom and chive risotto I didn't come here To ask

Creamy Dijon dill chicken Perhaps I'd really appreciate it Why don't you go to HelloFresh.com slash TheYard60, Clarice? It's a podcast of four guys with no life skills. We don't have the internet yet, Mr. Lecter. Oh, yes, we do. We have AOL.com.

It's dial-up, Clarice. And I can look at porn and boobs. It'll be crazy. There'll be a thing called Twitter one day. You can go to hellofresh.com slash theyard60. Because it's America's number one meal kit, Clarice. 60% off. Dr. Lecter, you told me that the cat can has cheeseburger.

Because I thought of this. Because we didn't really do Christmas. We got gone and stuff. And I got you guys. Not only did I get you guys something. It fits in a pocket. It's going to be middle finger. I made you guys something.

No, I didn't. You made a bracelet? This is so cute. Are these friendship bracelets? Okay, be honest be honest I sat and I mean it took me an hour you I like you I specifically like today is that it connects all of us yeah we all share yeah, I get this we got one two three friends So sick, so I so you listen don't hey, hey, stop stop stop. That's so what you're doing. Oh, man. You're being weird I look at it. What's up? No look at what?

Look at it, bro Make this be honest. I did. I'm not done. Sorry. Did you make it with be honest, with a girl? I deadass, I deadass 100% made it. Did you make it with a girl? Yeah. I know, I know. I was like, there's no way he sat down like Thursday night and was like, I'm gonna get crafty. With your mouth. This is Nut, aka Cam, we went to college, we all went to college together. That's right.

Me and Cam back in Manzanilla, oh fuck bro, it was crazy. We watched Nelkboy videos is crazy, but we watch no boy videos Freedom of choice, yeah good points is all and and then we play we play a lot of Madden, and we got fucking high shit all the time. It was fucking dope. This is actually pretty accurate to your college experience, I feel like. Yeah, it was like, nook boys, fucking 20 years.

Yeah. So dope. Hey, rest in peace, Tucker, huh? Yo, it's good to see you. I miss old Tucker. I'm sorry about it, because right after you left the barbershop, you were in our group chat, sagging about how you messed up a handshake. I just felt, it was the most embarrassing moment of my fucking life, dude.

How'd it go? Here, I'll be the dapper, you be the dappy. It was actually horrifying. I'm coming in. Because I didn't want to... He's stuttering. He's having a cringe flashback. Did he start with an open hand or closed hand?

He started with an open hand. Okay hand? He started with an open hand. And the handshook, the handshook earlier. Aiden and Nick are trying to recreate the handshook that Aiden did at the black barber shop. Aiden goes for like a 1960s handshook. And then he still pulled me in for like the hug. Okay, so we're gonna be reacting. They're reenacting right now. Nick's doing like the classic 45 degree.

You said you're sorry it was here? That I'm sorry? Yeah, because I fucked it up so bad. No, because I grabbed his hand. Sorry, can we go back and re-answer your question? I can't relive this. I can't relive this. I felt so...

Dude, this is so... I can't... Remember when I watched Adam Ragusea a lot last year and you said you won't watch him in a year? It's true. I don't watch him anymore. And the reason why, you're right, is because the algorithm doesn't feed him to me. No, it's not how it fucking works, you dipshit. No, dude, it is. I'm such a slave to the algorithm. You actually have no idea. It's not an al- I'll open up YouTube and I decide- Do you think- do you think the algorithm was one day like, no, no Adam Ragusea.

What they did is they fed you Adam videos because they knew you liked Adam. And you didn't even notice. And then you scrolled by him. You stopped that even notice And you scrolled by him you stop clicking you scroll by maybe and maybe it was over the course of days or weeks or maybe months But they fed you Adam and then you said I don't want Adam today No, and eventually and eventually then they said well, maybe no more Adam and then you were happier because you clicked the other things you clicked the other things more. You are the problem. You got up-ease for somebody else. If Adam's shit starts showing up on my timeline, I would probably

click it. I am an ape who gets fed slop. One day, one day, one day Adam picked you up and put you down for the last time. Don't say that. It's true. I'm going to go home right now and mainline Adam Ragusea and get back on the horse.

True, true, true. He's still reeling, and that's what I love. It's because I do this, but I do it at 3 a.m. alone when I think about embarrassing things that happen to me, and I just sit there and I just shiver. Yeah, you just sit there and roll around and feel horrible. But he's doing it right now, live, in front of us, and it's beautiful. Get back on the horse. Go back in for a haircut tomorrow. I'll go back. I've been there twice now. in front of us. It's beautiful go back in for a hair

Go back. I've been there twice tomorrow. He wants you to go back Go back tomorrow cuz I want you to get cut go back. He doesn't like the way Hey, what's up? I'm just walking by Do you want a handshake? You're walking by I just saw you through the window. What's up? It's good to see you again.

Please touch me. Aiden would go back and he'd be like, I thought a lot about the handshake I shared. And I feel like I messed it up. I feel bad about that. I actually wanted to invite you to this. My friend has this coffee shop. And they close it.

Sometimes they invite me to a party. I did do this while I was at EDC with a different situation and I was while I was what did you do fucking high

I like I felt bad about like hugging somebody awkwardly and I like apologized for it oh my god this is too much I'm yes

feel shame for once I feel shame all the time no you don't I feel shame all the time no you don't you always do not you think I don't feel shame I feel shame constantly I feel shame constantly I time! I feel shame all the time! You always do not! You think I don't feel shame? I feel shame constantly!

I feel shame constantly! I can't even pick up the phone! Fucking hate you! Fucking hate you! I just know ghosts are though, man. Movies are sick. When you're like in the ocean and they're on a boat and everything's fine and then they look down

in the distance and there's a big wave. What movie is this? A lot of movies. Those are my favorite movies. You like long movies? Where it's like a guy on a boat and then he starts looking like, oh no. And then someone else comes out and they go like, whoa. And then it shows in the distance and there's a really big wave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a film technique. This is like one movie ever. No, it's like six movies. And this is called the Dutch Angle. This is called the Dutch Angle. They teach it in film school. A lot of you guys wouldn't know. Symbolic thing. This is Manzanilla. I was invited to learn about this. In Manzanilla, we would have movie night after Nelk and after Tucker. We actually had a short film contest in our dorm. You tell me the order is Nelk, Tucker, then movie.

And then short film Dutch Angle. We watched a lot of French New Wave. It was 11 hours. It's been 11 hours. 11 hours awake, straight. A lot of Adderall, which was fun. You ever get crazy on Mill? I mean, I know you did, but like. We're all like together, man.

Yeah, without me, though. You were just setting that up because you know, like, we were getting crazy. I know you were crazy, bro. You're so fucking sick. Fucking go to ASU. Sorry. Sorry. You just graduated early, but like, no.

We just like did like extremely dope ass shit all the time. Have you played the One Piece card game? No, I've gotten cards for it though. Because Miles and Kyle Webwipe said that it's really good. I have all of them. Kind of the weird thing about making card games out of shows like One Piece is that there's just like a limited quantity of characters. So they start making new cards out of different like versions of the same character.

Had you brought up a show like Death Note, I would agree. However. It's like angry Luffy. No. You're so dumb. You're so dumb. Oh, Straw Hat Luffy. No. It would so dumb. You're so dumb. Oh, Straw Hat Luffy! No! It would be, it would be, it would be the-

Luffy that can swim! I do like surfing, Pete. This is actually so embarrassing. He can't fucking swim, dipshit. I know! I know, that's why I said it. That's why I said it as a power. So it couldn't exist! It couldn't exist! Wait, wait. If you...

...rearrange the letters in anime... It's the greatest story of all time! Shut up! If you rearrange the letters in anime, it's Eamon. I don't know why you're trying to dog One Piece. You for fun, you for fun, boot up Smurf Valorant games. You're just trying to hurt him. And he's making fun of me, You're just trying to hurt him. And he's making fun of me.

You're trying to hurt him. This doesn't hurt me because what you're saying is just not true. But you're hurting- You don't do it? Wait, hold on. You said for fun. Why do you think I'm booting up Smurf Valorant? It's not for fun. I didn't know. I thought it was for fun. For work?

No, it's to practice. Why are you practicing? You know what you say to him? You a new jubi's t-shirt then the competition is over I mean, it's a great t-shirt see hundreds your I know there's a lot of characters in one piece Hundreds it's something like something like Pokemon, right? So eventually-

Not when the card game came out. Eventually, you won out. That's a good-ass point. And they already have all versions of Luffy. Evan, when the card game came out- Demon. How many Pokemon were there? Surfing Luffy.

There would be- You'd have gear two, three, four, five. Spoiler. Upset Luffy. I want you to- I want you to- I want to fucking throw my gummo gummo up your ass. He's so mad Which fruit did he eat this time? He only eats one fruit Is anime his weakness? Is he defensive of anime?

You can't eat two fruits You start a- wait, imagine a Vinland Saga card game, huh Sport? Oh yeah, they make a Vinland card game And Ocelot goes to the war in it? Oh, cool! Oh, yes, I think a Vinland car and also I go to the war in it. Oh Bullied right now. We're actually getting like like primary school bullied right now No, I mean one guy is really excited to go to war but it's like it's two cards of when he's excited to go to war, but it's like, it's two cards of when he's excited and then he's sad after. It's two cards of when he's sad after war. And he has weaker stats. War overthrow feet.

He's talking about Ari. It's Ari. It's in the first season. Oh, man. He's already excited to go to the war. That's interesting. That's interesting. I think your card game's really cool.

I didn't even make a card game. Maybe we can make a card game. The family can all play together sometime. Maybe that's sport. Maybe you teach me and your mom. You go to laptop school and you're too scared to get in. Damn, he's trying to throw bullets at you. This is what Ludwig does. You back him into a corner and he starts biting everything.

You play Smurf games. Okay. And you lost to me in a Valorant tournament. That's true. That's true. I did do that. And Zipper, where are you at? Zipper. It's you. I'll see you in the parking lot.

Ahhhh. Dude, dude, come on. Oh, bro. That's it. That's it. Zipper just pulled up big waves right now. I'll see you in the parking lot Uhhhhhh Oh, bro! That's it, that's it! We're just full of big waves right now The guy from Fantastic Four, he's about to watch someone get smashed by the thing This is what a big wave will do to you

He does? That's a metal wave, which is different Big wave is so dope I love big waves That's dope, that's dope Do's dope that's dope that's dope do you think you could be in a movie so you've been doing this to me the whole travel

and then he picked up on it we were going through the immigration line coming to Japan and it curls like 40 times over oh my god and every single time

the curl would come I'm just listening to music I'm just walking and he'd go he'd be like dude you could be in a movie and then every time he'd like change it you'd be like damn

That's movie material You're like mostly muscle yeah? You look like a strong guy We're in the foreigner line just waiting to enter and everyone's just like looking at me And then he'd be far enough away and be like you look good I had the sound like proof noise things on the air when I can see your mouth being like, movie. I was telling him that you look good is so perfect because it's endearing. I like you. I like you.

I like you, man. It's so endearing and nice, but no one would ever actually say it. Really quick, why don't you just tell them how much the skin was in US dollars? Why don't you just tell them how much the skin was? What is the skin you're trying to buy? Why don't you just tell them how much the skin was? You said $5,000, like that's the minimum you have to deposit. That seems like a high amount. That's not even close to how much the skin's worth. Why don't you tell them how much

the skin's worth? You don't even play CS that much. You don't. Here and there? Yeah, yeah, that's not a $5,000 investment. Oh, still a small number you're saying. First of all, let's not a that's not a $5,000 investment. Oh, you're there five still a small number. You're saying wait Let's back it up. Yeah, so what is the CS skin? Tell me what it looks like? Yeah, it's a okay So it's like a knife. That's it. Okay, right? Sapphire, well, yeah, pretty nice. I bought well, where's the price on it?

You know, it's a you know, it's based on the market what sure are you buying it factory new oh my god what bro factory new 20 000 and then minimal where it's 15k were you getting stat tracked were you going minimal where no he doesn't like it's literally on its way down stat track looks ugly look at the graph bro well i bought I bought mine for 14. You bought it? No. You bought it? Are you kidding me? You bought that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what is this 5,000? I thought it was like two grand or something, which is still crazy. Yeah, but I sold my car. Why didn't you just open one box? You sold your car? No, that makes sense. This is better now because he sold his car for the knife. Did you actually sell your car?

So you do? Yeah. The Jetta? Yeah, the Jetta. I sold Did you actually sell your car? So you do? Yeah. The Jetta? Yeah, the Jetta. I sold my car. And you used the money for this? Yeah. Dude, what? Dude.

Wow, yeah, I forgot I wanted to tell you guys about this. Did you tell your parents? Can you call your parents right now? Call your parents. Oh, please, yeah. Hey, buddy, what's up? Hi. Hi, so I'm calling you on the podcast right

now oh no yeah it's an oh no moment my friends my friends would like to me to tell you about a purchase i just made uh you know what counter-strike is right i have a phased idea what counter-strike is yes just being around you. Yeah, it's a video game. It's a video game. It's like a shooting game. So in the game, you could- there's like weapon skins, like cosmetic weapon skins. Yeah, they're purely cosmetic skins that don't help you in game. Purely for looks. Just cosmetic, like by- like- Please don't tell me I'm dressing your character. No, no, you're not dressing a character.

It's specifically like pretty guns or pretty knives or pretty gloves. Yeah. So I bought a knife for $14,000. What? Yeah. I have a cosmetic item in the game that I bought for $14,000 USD

Right and so this is like a shop thing for your dad effect, right? Do you think it's a good idea or do you think it's a bad idea cuz I thought I thought it was maybe the Ladder I can resell it Well one thing I've learned I Didn't think video games were a good idea at all when it even was 8 and 12 and 16 Hmm, and that proved me wrong. No Way to say and you and you'll all be proven wrong again Do your your father flies planes and you're buying fucking knives for five digits to not get better in the game. Do a lot of pilots buy CSGO skins?

I don't know any pilots that buy it. Yeah, you don't think it's part of their success. That's weird. I figure that's like part of the process. Yeah. Alright, well hey, you only have to sell his car for it, so it's not a big deal. Yeah, no, tell them where you got the process. Alright, well, hey, you only have to sell his car for it, so it's not a big deal. Tell him where you got the funds. I sold my Jetta, so I used the Jetta to buy the knife.

Oh, man. You're doing a lot of things in Japan you shouldn't be doing. Like what? Talking about not being able to go home. Is one of them. You keep saying that we're not going to make it back. If anyone watched the Power Hour back If anyone watched the power hour

If anybody watched the power hour You need to know that above 15 minutes Got cut I think it's time that we become true Patriots You wanna get in the back of the UL I wanna be a patriot I wanna put on the

Tri-corner hat And I wanna get my blunderbuss and I want to take it all back it's the from from the Japanese we just there is a one there is two sentences back to back or I'm like I had to tell Anthony I'm like so when we when we record with Trash Taste next week they know the government like you can't well I can't tell the trash taste of their face that I don't think I'm gonna make it back home. Why are you not gonna make it back? You're gonna miss your flight? What's gonna stop

you from making it? This is such a date. I don't like this bit. I'm Eric Andre at the Grizzly Barrel right now. I'm no longer gonna have a fantasy bit. Just remember that I can always make you feel this way. If you're a Patreon member, you know. You know why he won't make it home and the

rest of us will. I'm not making it back. Apparently, I'm not making it home either. I want to go home. You're obviously not making it home. You don't have what it takes. We're throwing you under the bus. Under the shinkansen. That's right. He just keeps talking and we're getting on

the plane and we're not coming back. I was like, I'm gonna have a blunderbuss because we're patriots. It's like a comically me and you are patriots. How about your next taxi driver? And we have tri-corner hats.

Oh, blunderbuss. Cool. Gamer Nintendo only only Nintendo gamer, baby Kind of cringe I mean it's like no it's kind of grinch based what? Now we're smoking you're smoking Okay smoking big fat fucking cock and balls. Dude, Nintendo games are so good. Okay, Zipper's gotta go to the bathroom for two minutes. We're gonna talk about this. Let's hash it out, boys. Let's hash it out.

Look, Nintendo games are fucking good. Dude, I'm talking about like, these are like, these are ultimate players. You know what I'm saying, bro? No. Yes! Ultimate players just play ultimate. No, no, no, it's ultimate players that like freak out about the Direct. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, no, hold on. That's who, that's who I, that's why they're about the direct You know what I'm saying?

That's why they're kind of cringe Watch the direct you might be like damn that G looks hot. Oh my god. Oh my god fire Emblem on the D on the DS, I was so good! For maybe the first time ever, I'm wrong. The first Fire Emblem in five years, dude! For the first time ever, I'm wrong. I told you.

I think that you're right. What was it going through your mind when you heard Nintendo games? Just shut up. Just shut up and play. I thought it was talking to me. I thought it was you. I thought it was you. Tell him, Oji. It kind of made me want to come. fucking oh I thought it was a two I didn't even touch that tell him tell him OG it kind of made

me want to come yeah the new Mario Strikers game was a fun arcade soccer title I love when he gets hyped

the reason why I said kind of based is because it's just someone who like in my head it's like they just grew up with a 64

and like they just kept buying Nintendo consoles because they're all pretty fucking good yeah I'm talking about your contemporary and like you like yo you ever played because they're all pretty fucking good. Yeah, I'm talking about your contemporary.

And like you like, yo, you ever played fucking Amazing Island? They're like, do that game of rules. Like they've played it. But like I'm like, have you ever played Counter-Strike? They're like, bro, I just got a fucking Nintendo. Like I don't have anything else.

Yeah, I see what you're saying, but. But I think you're right that those people exist. They're more of the guy that we're talking about exist. Potentially. I mean, they must because I'm making fucking video games God and they just

The Nintendo Switch Octopath Traveler Come on! No! No! No! No! Octopath Traveler

Come on! Dude I love how a couple episodes ago he's like I don't want to make fun of people wearing a Masked Back t-shirt This is all the rage from that He's firing cannons into their face I'm scared to talk in this chat and I'm like No! I swear to God I've been in your I like don't ever be afraid

You did say hi me when I'm focusing on the game and say hi Ranker you right now? Look at the fucking screen The problem is when you take chess super seriously, it's basically a full-time job And you're making these tiny scientific little improvements to your game Yeah, you go to show up to a tournament you play a nine-year-old that's homeschooled and has no life and that kid is like He's the lamest nine year old. Dude, he's so lame. No magic.

This nine year old has no magic. Zero crypto. He got nothing. I played a tournament in St. Louis, I played the number one, number two, and number like four ranked 11 year olds in the country. It was ridiculous. A few years ago

You fucking lose your 5 hour match you get up and you're like You got no hoes! Collectively they got no hoes It was like a one-o-ho between them Let's talk about what this fuck cocksucker was up to at ASU I barely saw him in the quad He was like the news guy

Oh bro at the quad? He was always just fucking hanging out. I told you. I told you he was a quad. I told you. Ludwig's big thing, I would say, in college, he would go to Mill outside of bars, and he would interview girls and be like... What's your body count? We were shit.

One of the worst teams around. I know. You don't. We went over. Yeah. The Breslin squad would dunk on us every time. We actually did not, because the intramural team was... Breslin did ball. Breslin was 6'8. Breslin's squad would dunk on us every time. We actually did not because the intramural team was- Breslin did ball.

Breslin was 6'8". Breslin did- That's the crazy shit. Breslin was 6'8". That's why the tripod was so impressive. Breslin was hogged, too. He did need an extra large coffin. Well, if it had like a full-fledged cock at the top.

I'm just imagining that one Breslin lore page on the Reddit getting edited. Every time we drop a piece of Breslin lore. Breslin was 6'8", question mark. Maybe 6'2". No, he was 6'8", because we went to Cancun that one time for spring break, and he had to hunch over on the plane. But then he had the surgery, and he went down to 6'4". Really sad.

Yeah, they chopped off his ankles. He lost his shins in a machine gun. A machine gun con. He's a patriot. Breslin, if anything, was a patriot. And he would have loved it here. He wouldn't have made it back. He would have.

He could have gone through doors here. Anyway. Fork him, Bess. When we get home, we're going to get asked so many questions. From who? Fucking border, dude. Immigration? What?

They're going to say, hey, how'd you do, gentlemen? Mission accomplished? Oh, man. Coming back into the LAX customs line, and you walk up to the head of your passport, and you just... Yeah. Dude, Imagine the guy who stamps us back into the country salutes us and we don't know why.

And we're like, you boys did a great job on that. He gives us back our fucking clock that we had to leave. Your next mission's in Korea. So do you think that when women cheat, it's fucked up, but when men cheat it's like, it's- it's fucked? It's them showing their alphas for a reason.

They should be allowed to. They should be allowed to because it's human nature for men. That's what I think. That's what I think. Yeah. Hey, we're on Venice Beach today. Yeah. Gay son or thot daughter? My name is Ludwig Anders!

I'm trying to like, I'm trying to explain the- the- The worst bit right now is this thing that we're coming to Japan and we're not going home. Not that we're not going home, but we won't make it back. We won't make it back because we're taking back what's ours with the blunderbusses. You're coming into this bit really late.

I'm way too white to be a part of this. That's the thing. You're just white enough. That's the problem. It looks bad for optics. You guys are brand risks. We're taking it back. We're not making it home. We're not making it home, Connor.

I am home. I'm here. You're our leader. How do you feel about tricorder hats? Oh, Jesus Christ. Maybe I take a little more shit than I should. Maybe Aiden should get more. Oh, yeah. Pass the buck to me. It's been in short supply.

I will say every ad read we do just naturally magnetizes toward shitting on Aiden. It'll be like Manscaped, Aiden, go kill yourself. Anyway, shave your balls. It's weird. It's weird how it just happens that way. I've been trying to consciously not do it, but it's like magnets. It's like it's nature. Well, because the alternative is like Manscaped.

They get it by farming Liberian children's blood and putting it into the battery and then we'll have to get an email and be like you want me to be like yeah you can't talk about like the children don't say that we use clown Wilson here's like I can't believe they want to fucking make good for that artistry Yeah, we said that clown went in the factor meals, and they didn't have us do a make good. I was like My favorite my favorite cut ad read it is we went on like a minute-long rant about how Hellofresh burns all their trash. They burn it right outside. They burn it right outside. That's not even for the sake of the read.

It's just us trying to hurt their company while they're paying us to not do that. Yeah, it is bad. You know what I like also, and I was thinking about, I like the idea of bowing. I know it sounds fucking stupid, but it's just the idea that, I don't know, the gesture is soing. I know it sounds fucking stupid, but it's just the idea that the gesture is so nice.

I don't know. Are you trying to get pussy right now? You're a loser. What is this? I'll be honest on the podcast one fucking time. Here's what happens. I just think being polite is really cool. I wish we did it

in the States. No, you're right I wish we did it in the States. No, you're right, it's based. You know, sometimes I get up so an old lady can take my seat. What the fuck are you talking about? It's just about manners and respect, I guess. I like how you throw away the trash at home. I'm getting really sick of it. It's like you hold on to it because you don't want to understand why we're lying.

No, you're right, man, you're right. I actually don't like how polite everyone is. What's up? It's Jerz, I'm back outside Manzanita asking women if they're on their period. No, let me guess, let me guess, let me guess. Yes! I can smell it. Yesterday, yesterday morning.

Nick doesn't believe me, again. I have to prove my valor every fucking day I live on this earth when I'm with Nick every day Because I was like I want to be a salaryman and I want to change smoke. He's like you wouldn't be a salaryman Okay, I want to change smoke. He's not working a job I'll take all the money and I will put it in a trust that I know Ten ten years I cannot access this money 10 years and it's locked up behind an encryption or something

and it's encrypted and I was like then I would need to become a salary man and he's like that doesn't matter it doesn't matter if you have it already and I'm like if I can't access the money I still need to survive and be a salary man burn the money and be more gangster see this is where

I was trying to explain to him you can't go be a salary. Burn the money. Burn the money and be more gangster. See, this is where... Dude, I was just saying, I was trying to explain to him, it's like, you can't go be a salaryman but be sitting on all the podcast money. You can't have a safety net. You can't have a safety net.

It's not a safety net. You need the money. And he was like, no, you don't get it. I'll just put it in an encryption. I'll put it in the web. So I don't get it until I'm like 80.

Put it on the web. And I'm like, you still are one day going to have a bunch of money. No, no, no. If it's web three, he might not have it one day. It's like the... It Put it on the web. And I'm like, you still are one day going to have a bunch of money. No, no, no. If it's web three, he might not have it one day. It's like the-

It'll be in the web three. The story is like millionaire who becomes homeless to see if he can become a millionaire again, but it's like millionaire becomes homeless just to not,

like just to work a minimum wage job. No, it's millionaire to become homeless because he's uncomfortable with his identity as of having money. Yeah.

And isn't that way everyone would do that? Burn your money. Burn it. You think I fucking won't? I do think you will. Dude. Yeah, I do think you will.

I'll burn it. No, because then that's a federal crime. I know. That's why I think you won't do it. So I'm right. I don't think you'll do it. It's a federal crime? Yeah.

That's why I'm not coming back. In Japan, I did send a text to Zipper 3 this week. I was like, I think we should smoke more. Wait, more? You guys are already smoking? No, I mean, not often. So you're smoking cigarettes? Yeah, I think I get in my annual cigarette.

Come home with a carton of cigarettes. What would be your choice? Do you want to change smoke or do you want to work on your laptop and fucking blue bottle, dude? You pick. You can't be both guys. That's tough or do you want to work on your laptop at fucking Blue Bottle, dude? You pick. You can't be both guys. You want to work on your laptop at Blue Bottle Coffee or do you want to smoke cigarettes? Working on my laptop at Blue Bottle Coffee

is what I'm going to actually do tomorrow. I want to be Hugh Jackman in the hacking scene in Swordfish that I'm an elite hacker. You want head. No, no, it's not that one. It's the one where he's alone and he's getting fucking hammered and he's creating a worm

to beat the encryption. These are just words that you like. You're just saying a bunch of words you like to say. This is what we should do. This is what we should do. Tomorrow morning, me and you,

me and you will go buy suits. We'll go buy suits and we'll go to the nearest, we'll go to the nearest office building. Dude, how are you? And then if we're accepted with open arms, we become... Gentlemen, we abandon the podcast and we become salarymen. Gentlemen, I am your boss.

I can make you work 60 hours a month. And we surrender our blunderbusses. You don't get it. We surrender our blunderbusses. I need a soulless office building. I can do this. I need a soulless office building. Somebody can do this. I need a soulless office building. Somebody needs to teach me how to tie a tie.

You don't know how? I'm so bad at it. I can't do it. I need a double Windsor. And then you need to pay. You need to subsidize all my cigarette purchases. Can we write off? Hey, Nick Wang.

Can we write off the cigarette fund? We get about $600 annually. Nick Wang. Nick Wang. If I start Nick Wang. Because you won't be working for Nick Wang. No, no, no move. We get $600 annually. Nick Wang. Nick Wang. If I start... Because you won't be working for Nick Wang. No, no, no. I'm just asking you for the logistic question.

If I start smoking... If I smoke some of the cigarettes during episodes, can I write off the whole pack? Oh, you actually can. Yes. 100%. No, you probably can't because cigarettes probably can't be written off. Yeah, tobacco is weird.

It's a category they are under. It's like duty free. It's a prop. It's a category they are under. It's like duty free. It's a prop. If you're filming. There are prop cigarettes, so you probably have to get a prop cigarette. Let's get hooked on prop cigarettes. We're just smoking Smarties. We're going back to fourth grade.

What if it's like, what's the Nathan For You show on HBO? What's it actually called? Daniel. Old Enough For You. It's called. Do you still say it like that. It's called the rehearsal. It's like the rehearsal, but you built a rehearsal for me and Aiden to be salarymen. But it's for 20 years.

And you just create a fake job and we smoke prop cigarettes. We work at a fake Japanese company. Start and raise fake Japanese families. And then one day, Start and raise fake Japanese families. And then one day we're in like a fucking boardroom at work and 45-year-old Ludwig walks back in and he's like, you fucking got you. He's like, all right, guys, the experiment is now over. He's like, no, we're not even going to a building.

We're just going to like a set where we act like salarymen, but it's for 20 years. I think we should do this. Just be salarymen. Just quit. So now we can do it. You can do whatever you want. You're a fucking, you're a hemming and hawing and naysaying. Do you think that he's the one who decides if you're a salaryman?

Do you think you're talking like you are? We just want him to think it's cool. You know what? When you get married, can I be in the pyramid? He won't be there. Can I be in the wedding pyramid? Can Aiden be in the pyramid?

We're not doing a pyramid. I would like to be in the great wedding pyramid, please. Let Aiden be in the pyramid. Please, can I be in the pyramid? You probably only get like four or five guys and it would really mean a lot to be in the wedding pyramid. You guys can make a pyramid the three of you picture this you cutie two pyramids on each side of your friends about 10 people the

bridesmaids pyramid the groomsons pyramid you hold it the whole time and we hold it the whole time because i've worked i've done core in the 12 months are we doing this we're the stairs up to the stage is it a three a five or a 3, a 5, or a 9? You can step on us. It's a 9. 5, for sure. How many friends you got? 9's too crazy.

It's a 9. How many friends you got? I got 9 friends. You got 9 friends. She can find 9 friends. No shot, you got 9. And then we fucking... You got 9 day ones.

You didn't get invited to Pogge's birthday. That's true. So you're straight down there. You're actually a streamer, baby. They know you're sunsetting, so they're not inviting you. Oh, you did get invited. Why were you there? And you still think

you could get nine people for the wedding pyramid. They literally looked at me and said sunsetting. I didn't go to Pokimane's birthday. I actually wanted to go to Disneyland seven times in a row. Almost.

Do you think I'm mother? What does that mean? What is mother and why are you laughing so hard? It's just... It's like what Stan's saying about like... It's like she's mother and culture like she's a mother It's like teenage girls call like I don't know say somebody's mother and I think

Into it Taylor Swift is mother Taylor Swift. It could be mother not fucking mother I think I love the four us, if anyone is mother, it's me. No! No mother walks around going, pussy boy. That's not a motherly thing to do. You didn't grow up in an Italian house, by the way. I think if anyone's mother, it's Aiden. Is Aiden mother? Aiden's mother. Cause he's the most standable cause he says the least and he looks the hottest. I mean, this is co-opted from gay culture, which is typically co-opted from black culture,

which everything is. So my guess is that I am mother. Why? Because you think you're the closest to black? I think I'm the closest to a gay black man. Well, hold on. There is an answer here. One of us're the closest to black? I think I'm the closest to a gay black man. Well, hold on. It's a non. There is an answer here.

One of us is the closest. No, we should keep going down this road right now. It's just facts. Yeah. It's just facts. No, I like co-opting. No, one of you pass me the shovel. I'm deciding who's co-opting the most.

Pass me the shovel. I'll keep the crack pipe. You guys can't be my wedding pyramid anymore. You didn't want me in there in the first place. Well, obviously. Here's what's going to happen. We're not going to invite Ludwig's wedding. We'll have a second wedding,

which is Ludwig's wedding, but he's not invited. We'll call Ludwig's wedding. That would be so funny. And everyone comes, and Ludwig's not allowed to come. We'll get like a statue that looks like Ludwig. We'll get a kitty, sandbag Ludwig, two wedding pyramids. Oh my god, two wedding pyramids,

nine, nine, easy. You're a pyramid of buckle. All of the seats are just pyramid-shaped groups. Like, you're in pyramid nine. It's really awkward, because it's with, like, the cousins, too. You're mixing with all these random people. You know, in that movie, where, that, like, Portuguese movie, where the platform goes between levels of the prison and that's how they eat.

The food is fed to each table to the top person first and they can eat as much as they want and then they hand it down to the next level of the pyramid. That's right. And they do that over and over. That's how it'll be set up. I can't believe he said that Portuguese movie and then also said platform instead of saying...

Is it called the platform? Is it called the platform? I didn't remember. It's also such a unique movie, but I do like the idea of letting Portugal have one. Give it to Portugal. I want you to know that my three weeks in that facility were the worst weeks of my life, bar none. See, that's why you should've gone. You have such a warped reality.

Can we- are we not meant to experience things in our life? What the fuck, Ludwig? Like- You- you don't leave your house! I still- What are you talking about? You went to Florida Italy! I WON'T DO THAT! And watched all of Squid Game. Let me defend him! Oh,

fuck, you- that- that takes you down so far. Fuck Italy! I don't even say it! No, no, no, no, because you can't- you can't pretend- No, fuck Italy, bro. Fuck Italians. The crown- the crown on that whole story- the crown on the whole story is the fact that a month later, you're watching all the YouTube videos about Roman history, and you're trying to- Oh, this is so sick.

You guys know about this shit, bro? Yeah, dude. We were there. We were at it! You don't give a shit about Roman history. I did. What?! We were there! It doesn't matter. You were there by happenstance. You didn't give a shit about Roman history, I do! I do! What?! We were there! It doesn't matter, you were there by happenstance!

No, we planned it! We picked the place and planned it! We were so gonna go in Italy, you fucking idiots! We intentionally picked Italy! We intentionally picked Italy for the England guy! You would go to Sicily and eat a pizza? You are... Nevermind, you are pants on head fucking stupid.

Why didn't you go to P Poki's fucking wedding, idiot? Bro, she didn't get married. Her pyramid wedding. Did she invite you to be in her wedding pyramid? There's- she's not getting married. She got married to Dream. Everyone deleted the photos. Everyone's really mad.

Everyone's mad. Everyone's mad. Cause they didn't know I was coming. And the photos are incriminating. Yeah. Which is just them standing together. I now pronounce you pokey and dream You're the guy now. I'm the guy okay? We're trapped in here with you Clown makeup oh my god

Dude, this is so bad so battery the issue of me having to knock out of the wedding because the wedding I can't change one Why cuz not my way who's my you're rich? Yeah? Move that oh really no I love the idea of him not being in the pyramid so good. Yeah I'm not well. It's not a big deal poors. No, I was the 11th man. Do you think it's because your core is too weak to be in the pyramid? No, definitely not. Definitely not because the core is too weak. Glad you brought that up. Are you on, like, the bench pyramid? Like, bench warming pyramid? I'm back up here.

I'm back up pyramid if somebody falls on top. They didn't need you because you didn't go. Alternates are part of the team. They get rings. It's just harder to pull out of the account that Nick Wang looks at because then I'll get a message. Dad, don't do that. I know, so I did it. So I pulled out of the dead father account. Why don't you use your normal fucking bank account

that you have? So you stole it from the underworld? I stole it from the underworld. Why don't you use your normal bank account that you have? I told my mom and she was like that doesn't feel great. And I was like I'll win, don't worry. Don't worry mom, I'm going to give it back to him. And I didn't win. You might keep gambling it. I know we're going to pan back. I know how much goes into your personal account

every two weeks. Why don't you use that? Who? Your personal account. No, dude. This is not who cares. You have access to this. Yep.

Yeah. Woo! Why? I was with you. I was with you. Just tell me why. Just tell me why. Why?

Why? It's not that account. I was with you. I was with you until he asked me why. Until he asked me why. Ain't nothing but a mistake. This isn't even my job anymore and it's infuriating. You are asking questions. At my wedding, when I marry the love of my life, you will be... None of us think that's so funny. Why is that a joke? Why is there a punchline? There's a lot of layers here.

It's tough. Why do you think we're laughing at it? I don't know because you're cool. God, you just found such a cool girl. She loves guys who sleep on the floor. She actually likes to sleep on the floor with them. You know what the crazy thing about slime is? It's not that it's...

Because you can get it, girl. You have a bit of riz. A bit. Oh, you had to say a bit. You had to say a bit. You were about to say the normal amount. It is a bit. It's not just a bit.

You're wearing a shirt with a tuxedo on the shirt. Printed on the shirt. Not only that, I slept in it too. Because gentlemen are always gentlemen. Yeah, you have a bit of riz. But you're usually the one who breaks it off i am so yeah that's the part for me that i yeah i don't know how you're gonna find someone you like i'm realizing this right now you you're always the one that ends it oh it's always been me dude

you'll have to propose oh i don't want to do that that's like a it's like it's almost on the floor i feel like it's not if you found someone you'd want to propose to, you'd coin flip, propose or break up. Ah, maybe. What if we just flip this coin? And if we do, we get married and we don't, we fucking break up. That is more of a. No, but it'd be sick. That's what you're talking about.

What if we flip the coin and I shoot you? But only in the shoulder so you're alive. And then we get married. But only in the shoulder so you're alive. And then we get married. At my wedding everyone can shoot me in the shoulder non-lethally if you're in the pyramid. Each person in the wedding pyramid gets to shoot the revolver. The groom. The wedding revolver.

The wedding revolver with one shot in the chamber and if you survive all members of the pyramid shooting the gun at you then you were meant to be yeah it's good luck yeah what would your wedding be like my wedding ludwig is in the back right not the what he's not in the pyramid of the pyramid or i would actually give me the back of the pyramid there's a joke answer and a and a and a true answer the true answer is he obviously ludwig's in the pyramid will Will you let me do the ceremony? What does that mean? Dearly beloved.

Oh, you want to marry us? As Mark Wahlberg? Yeah, I'll do an accent. I'm going to do an accent the whole time. I'm going to talk about 9-11. I'm going to talk about how early I wake up. But it's also funny because you're Ludwig. Yeah.

Like, it doesn't make sense. So you're Ludwig doing a Mark Wahlberg? Remember when we commentated in San Diego And I did an accent and you got pissed off You did many accents Describe babe Well, she's beautiful Wow

But in a way only I can truly see Inside and out No, no, she's ugly inside I'm just asking questions Yeah you are are babe is great obviously she gets along with all the boys she a gamer yeah she could be a gamer i think it's it's it's it's important but it doesn't have to be like does she sleep on the floor i here's the thing she can sleep in the bed but she has to be okay with me on the floor are you intimate

are you saying do we have sex likely yes the person I marry I would have sex with if you're gonna have sex is she coming to the floor or you going to the bed oh I go to the bed I think it's dog to be like no come here do you have floor nights

come to the floor the floor is a bit of a sacred space. You wouldn't want to desecrate. Insects isn't sacred. Right, right. You don't want to find out where all the insects live. Well, I don't want to have to ask every bug that I sleep on the ground with. What if babe is perfect?

What if babe's perfect, but she's like, no, you can't have a space heater. I'm worried our house will go on fire. Then I would find another way, and I have already done this because the space heater burns my skin. I have marks on my skin, on my lower back. Show me. Is it still? Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit. Did you roll into it? Yeah, it looks like a little rash. Dude, what the fuck? It burns me. And so I've thought about this. Does it burn your juicy fucking ass I just saw? It burns part of my juicy ass.

Well, I sleep my shirt off. Your honey-baked hams. Boxers on. Space heater on my back. You get slow-cooked every night. Bro, you should just sleep on, like, a rotisserie. A spit roast. Yeah, is that what a rotisserie is?

And then someone buys me. Keep going. So wait. What was I saying? So I have hand warmers. The big ones. Remember? I like those at the old house. So I have those in case. Do you just hold them? I just put them in like under me. The honest. They're sticky ones. Do you put them under your sack?

No that's bad for you. Do you lay on hand warmers on the floor? Yes. Why? I i like warmth what about a blanket you should i use a blanket too but i like to have my clothes off and i also have the blanket the blanket feels like the space heater is a blanket for the air can i give you a suggestion i feel like you're gonna be an asshole right now you came in here you're guilty i'm not like you did something wrong. I did nothing to Aiden.

You got the money ass necklace. You got the money necklace. You've accrued a good amount of money. Accrue. Accrue. By a heated floor. Oh my. It would change your life.

As soon as you are able, kill yourself. Yeah, I guess. as humanly possible leave earth he stole that from true detective yeah i saw that clip from true detective i was like i can't believe he said that i've seen it before i'm not gonna kill myself anymore when we were talking at dinner we were talking a little bit and mike uh cherished genius of the of the company. Okay, one second, right before you hit this. The context of me joining is I'm joining as a co-founder who gets divisions of Moist, which I can name whatever I want.

Maybe it's co-branded, maybe it's not. But if the name is good enough, maybe it's the whole organization. Yeah, the whole thing. All of it. I would never be able to replace all of Moist Esports. But what if the name is good enough so maybe it's the whole organization. Yeah, the whole thing. All of it. I would never be able to replace all of Moist Esports. But what if the name is good enough so that it's the whole thing? Maybe I could convince Charlie if it's good enough. What's the name?

Sometimes when something is ours, we take it back. We take it back because it's ours and we take back what's ours. It's not taking it back if he made it, right? We give it to Charlie and then we take it back. Because it was ours. Because it was always ours. Okay. To begin with.

What's the fucking name, buddy? So Mike conceived this while sitting at a seafood restaurant. Called Scott's. It's called Scott's Seafood. On a Surrey info. White boy makes a steak. Don't say that much. Cut all this out.

It'd be a hell of a fucking steak. And so within the name of the division and essentially probably the rest of moist e-sports. Yeah, probably all of it. Goats e-sports. Why is that slime? Why goats e-sports? Oh, because greatest of all time. That makes sense.

Yeah. We call mango the goat all the time. We talk about who's the goat of Valorant. So it's like a goats only e-sports organization. Yeah. Goats e-sports. Why wouldn't you have the goats? Like Jake and Amir did a shark tank pitch.

It was fucking insufferable. So goats esports. And it has a ring to it. And it also. Yeah, the ring is goatsy. The ring is that it says goat. It's goatsy. And the logo.

We didn't talk about the logo. It can be some sort of circular pattern. I didn't even realize that. Really? Would it not be a goat? It is funny, right? I didn't realize. I'm just thinking about it right now.

Why would the logo not be a fucking goat? Because maybe it's a circle of ghosts. A circle. Maybe it's a goat holding something open and the goat is looking at the side like Porky Pig. Where's his hooves? It's Superman

doing the S thing but it's his butthole. It's uh it's Superman. It's Superman doing the s thing, but it's his butthole It's what it's hooves opening him up Yeah, cause the hooves can kinda like pull it like that Into the air And to the people listening to the audiobook if you've never looked up Goatsy just you don't have to if you don't want to You don't have to if you don't want to but if you do And for my mom listening don't Yeah, Nick's mom don't mom listening don't yeah

No, don't be scared look it up Nick doesn't want you to see the truth can reserve the bath right so in my house I just put the plug in right and then when I'm going to bed I'm like I want the bath to be ready by 7 like 7 a.m. It's like you have an iPad for it. It's in my kitchen It's where like the gas controls are and you just click like reserve You put the time and the bath every are. And you just click like reserve. You put the time and the bath every single time, which you just press the fill button. You can choose the exact temperature and how much you want it filled.

That is based. I like that and I might move here. It's awesome. That's what swings you, the automatic bath. Dude, you wake up, imagine you're tired as shit. The perfect bath is made for you every single time and it's there. It doesn't solve the issue of like

the really small baths here though. Which is what puts me off. Look, you fill that shit up with noodles. Every morning, wake up, you got ramen ready. Breakfast and shower done. You've got like an enormous amount of food. You just got a bath full of ramen. When I go to bed, the empty bath's there,

I chuck the ramen in and then when I come in the morning, I'm like, hell. You're like making your Joe Rogan cold tub TikToks, but you're just like, you get your bowl of ramen after every workout. I have a I'm a tonkatsu fetish, or I like to imagine I'm tonkatsu, or I'm a, no, I fucking forgot the word. God damn it. No, tonkatsu. Yeah, you're right.

I'm right? Yeah, tonkatsu. Oh, yeah. So I get in there, I imagine. No, not the broth, the fucking chashu. I like to imagine I'm chashu in a bowl. It's already over, let's just move on. It was already like kind of a welcome.

Welcome to episode 83 of the podcast. I like watching a car crash in slow motion. Yeah, okay, well. What is this? Did the clothes come off or? Shame! Shame? Shame! Shame. Shame! Shame. Shame!

Shame! Shame! Shame you. Pointing at Aiden and saying shame. Why? I don't know why yet. I won't do a French accent for six months. If you nail to the bone a French Peter Griffin right now.

Okay, all right. But it has to be someone with a Quahog accent still? Kinda, yeah. Wow. Uh. Okay, fuck. Uh. Oh, hello.

Dude, what the fuck? We made him welcome. You just made a new sound. That was the first time anyone sounded like that. I don't know. It's like an Escher painting in your head. It's like a painting in your head. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You just made a new sound! That was the first time anyone sounded like that! It's like an Escher painting in your head. That was so hard because you had to combine like two polar opposites.

You had to combine someone who's fucking like British, Irish, Boston with French. Oh, Clayton Pie! That was decent! Irish bossin with French You're in an onsen and you shit yourself, okay, well, okay, what's what's up with the shit? Why are you shitting yourself in an onsen is because you're so relaxed? And by this point you've made made it yours. It's back. And you're like, what is help me in Japanese? Tasukete. I'm going to tell you that. Tasukete.

Tasukete! And you're just like, ah! Shouldn't have sold you that. Everywhere, right? Why are you obsessed with shitting everywhere? I'm not obsessed with anything, bro. I'm just saying that's the worst thing that could happen probably in public and i want to know if the japanese people got my back absolutely not do americans have your back if you

shit yourself in public there's a chance yeah if i if i've shit my pants on the train next to aiden and we're in los angeles california he and i, help me stranger. He'd be like, okay, yeah, I'll help you. That's because I know you. It's the first time you ever see a white guy and he comes in the onsen with you. You're like, don't be nervous. And he just starts shitting himself in the onsen. And that's your only impression of white dudes? Can you imagine?

You go home to your wife that night and you're like, yeah, Americans just shit in the onsen. He's going to seem like an insane person. He's like, dude, these Americans just keep shitting in the onsen. They just Americans just shit in the They talk that amazing like yes, I'm gonna shit the shit themselves on the fucking train That would be a war crime for them. They report on it. We can lean into it. Like, yeah, Americans don't take public baths, because you shit when you take a bath. There's so much burger.

That's why you bathe in the comfort of your own home, because you take a shit in the bath after work. That's right. We do it the way we want. This could be like our drop bears. Yeah. We spread a the way we want. This could be like our drop bears. Yeah! If we spread a rumor about our kind. That is just a total detriment to ourselves. Yeah, that doesn't make us impressive or cool, but it makes us formidable.

I'm just curious why you want to limit test Japanese people by shitting. Because you're like, why are you trying to break these poor people? It doesn't have to break these poor people Japanese people has to do you could do this test anyway, that's right. You can test anywhere. We just happen to be in Japan Have you done this in other places have I done it ever? Where know which country do you think it would work the best now? Yet like I would receive the most aid. Top ten countries to shit yourself in.

Probably Germany, because they're into it, right? That is a sweeping, a sweeping assumption. I'm sorry to all the Germans out there. Do you have any German fans who watch this? Probably. No, that's the thing. It's like, and they got vor cafes there everywhere. I'm gonna have a bad trip and someone's gonna take me to jail. After yesterday, after yesterday, that would be horrifying.

I wish you would've went to jail. I wish you would've gotten arrested on acid. For showing your little dick to people in a park. If Aiden called me and said I'm in jail, it might be the best day my life Oh, I would laugh so hard. Oh, yeah Valorant in there Can't get a little coffee somewhere Gucci blanket Excuse me rattling his cup on the bar. Do you have given she for me? Or not I suppose talk about it the bees are so bad the bees are so bad

Don't they were every left bees are still struggling bumblebee these wasps. Yes, they were bees like deadass He's left right for like a while. They dipped say well like yo, we're gonna smoke Y'all need anything or go to the gas station, and then we're like nah, you're dipped. They went like, yo, we're going to go smoke. Y'all need anything? We're going to go to the gas station. And then we were like, nah, you're good. Nah, you good. We got papers. Also, we fucking hate you guys. And they were like, word?

Whoa. So they were gone. So they dipped. But there's a lot of bees now. There were so many fucking damn bees. It's like the Paris Hilton stop being poor shirt. Is this us saying global warming is not real. It was a cool day.

It's getting cool again. No, it's not. This is exactly the same thing a lot of bees you just that's what you basically just you can't say today you can't say it's too cool the bees are back and plug for vivek in the same episode all right i'll just stick with rana Swamy. We should make shirts, like, kill bees, because they're back. Yeah, bees have had it too good again. They're back, it's chill to kill them. I be killing bees, and it's like... I know the back, it says, it's okay, they're back. If we opened a brothel for little people, that would be a good... This is basically, this is like what Willy Wonka did.

Who are the... Are the... Are the... Are the clients little people, or are the... It's a great question, Aiden. You know, that's up to God. No, no, no, it's up to us, because we'd be good owners, and we'd make sure it's not fetishists. So...

We background check them? Like, we would let tall people come through but like only if it's like hey I'm just here to pipe not because they're small Where would the golden tickets be placed for a place like this like you wouldn't put them in chocolate bars That's a good point. We have to put them in the lotto ticket machine outside the store We have to like put them in the lotto ticket machine outside the grocery store. Oh, I know. Okay, well, it's different, I guess. You put it in the RC Cola slot of a vending machine. So who the fuck's pressing that?

So someone accidentally presses it and it's like... I got a ticket to the little people brothel. Like it's the fucking Ghibli museum? Like it's the fucking Ghibli museum? It's a wax museum but for little people who are prostitutes. All the slots are sold out today, fuck. Do you think the madam could be like a slightly taller little person? No. She has to be a little taller.

Well now we're being offensive to the height. No, she has to be a little taller The height yeah, if anything it should be a little shorter because it's not about the height because I can do anything I hate it. I want to get out actually You want to get out of this one? I want to get out. I want to get out. Old family friendly youtuber wants to get out. Eject. Eject. I just ordered half a laugh dance. That show is crazy. a laugh dance that show is crazy

when I was in ASU comedy that I would try to do on stage as much as possible and no one ever laughed and I can't tell if it's funny I still think it's funny but it was

you can test it on me it's not really like a bit it's more like if I was like in a like if I was like pitching a TV show it's basically like the office

you know the office yeah yeah it's like the office but then it zooms out and you realize they're in the world trade center on oh my god there's a movie that season finale well no i mean that says the date and then it cuts yeah that's the last episode usually people are like that's not funny or no and then i'll be like okay well then i get that but then here's another one so it's like i guess this one's a little different it's not like exactly the same but he likes that one it's like park you know parks and recreation i've been wanting to talk about this for a while

did you guys know you can go to cambodia and shoot an rpg at a cow yeah we talked about this in the pod no i don't remember talking about this it's legal i think i remember talking about it i feel bad it wasn't the new hampshire episode no i would feel no because i learned about this from caitlin that's i wouldn't do that how much is it how much is it that's five hundred dollars it doesn't matter that's great yeah i you're out i wouldn't do this i think it's you're out i think it's fucked up but I just imagined if you dropped a hundred out of a plane like fortnight on to like a random city and The cows were just flying everywhere and raining. No, there's one cow a hundred people with one rocket Each and it's like it's like you all shoot at the same time the cow the Nuka cow sweepstakes RPG like at your feet.

Like, you're running around with an RPG. You're a rocket jump. You only have one rocket. For the first Goat's Esports giveaway, we'll be sending you to Cambodia with Dylan Sprouse. And this is why I'm out. You're going to get your own RPG. Use it wisely. Yeah, so apparently I've read about it. Well, Kalen told me about it when he was visiting.

And he said it in the exact same sentence. He's like, you know you can go to Cambodia and shoot an RPG at a cow? I'm like, okay, that's cool. And then so I looked it up. And apparently it's like tourism from just having a lot of weapons. And you can either, you can shoot it at nothing. You can shoot it at a chicken. Or you can shoot it at a cow.

Which is, yes, not a chill, but it's not. Where's the but? I was just thinking about it. Don't do that. It's like a peninsula, but sometimes it floods and it becomes an island. And there's a bunch of like the not vacation homes, but like lake homes there and stuff. And we're going through the neighborhood, getting a tour of this area.

And I every person you see is like outside at their house.'s memorial day weekend and they all wave at you right so i'm i'm fucking waving back he does love to wave and we come we come through the neighborhood and on the tail end of this one block is this group of like younger they look like they're probably like 16 and as we drive by them i hit him with the wave you're waving back I thought no I hit the wave I initiated the wave this time I mean like you're starting waving now I started the wave this time and then one kid looks up and just says you look gay but we just kept driving so I had no way to what were you gonna do I don't know I don't know what I would say! You just- you want the chance at least.

My moment just like passed- My balls have come in them! Loser! I think baby freestyle is one of the funniest rap names ever. Baby freestyle is cool. Cause I'm so bad at freestyling so uh- and put- freestyle. I knew you were good. I've done it once. Yo, yo, sway.

Sway the moment. Five fingers of death! Dude, this is being a ploy to get you to do the five fingers of death. I knew you were good. I've done it once. You'll sway. Sway in a moment. Five fingers of death. This is being a ploy to get you to do the five fingers of death badly. Oh my god. That'd be so brutal. Courage JD.

Courage JD. This is mine. I think he's harmless. You really put a person on here. I think he's harmless. I mean, he's the type of guy for sure. He's harmless. Oh, yeah. So what's the still of that distill that no he puts ads on tweets

That's a type of guy what do you mean like people post a video a Twitter of him like doing anything But there's an app pre-roll attitude which you can do on Twitter jail you can apply free roll ads in Twitter video Is in time and people who do that... You monetize Twitter. That's cringe. Prison. I'd argue it's his job. No, it's so many...

Elon Musk's job is to... Dude, it's so many influencers' jobs, and they don't do the ad part. They just go, I don't need to put ads on Twitter. I think it's harmless. Why does it matter? I'm using my one time.

You're using your one time? You're using your one time? I'm using my one time Can we do a yard feature you can ask that a lot Let's do it do we do a yard cipher that'd be hard that you'd saw dude It sounds stupid, but essentially anytime I take out my device to check my blood glucose levels or my insulin pens to give myself an injection, it's always pointed out by a couple people as a jest of sorts. I wish this person would tell us to the extent of which these jokes are happening and what they are. Chanting something like,

His own blood is his poison. His own blood is his poison. his own blood is his poison. Would be so funny. Would be, yeah. And if Josh said that, like, yeah, they just keep chanting, his own blood is his poison. And it takes like four minutes. And they've developed a chorus and a verse. And they just do it for so long.

And they have a tenor and they have a bass. Oh, absolutely. At the airport. No that's Monaco. That's Monaco. It's a city-state within France where they get cream puffs. It's not a city-state within France. The owner of AIM has been in the fucking Sky Lounge for half an hour.

It's its own country. Different. Not part of France. It's a city-state within France. It's a- what? No it's not. It's a city-state. Ooh, ooh, ooh, zipper.

Zipper. Zipper. But can a country be a city-state? A city-state that- it's not a part of France. I know. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper.

Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper.

Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Do a little dance. Do a little dance. You said it's a part of France! No, no, no. No, I said it's within France.

It's not within France. It borders the ocean. It's literally within France. It is literally within France. This is like saying Canada is within the United States because it's attached to it. No! No, what a disingenuous little prick. It's- Oh, I'm sorry, is Monaco landlocked by France? It- oh, cause there's a little strip of ocean.

All of it! The entire coast of Monaco is on the water! Nob! Nob! The entire coast! Nob! Half of Monaco is on the water! Nob- Nobby Prick. I don't even know about where- And they're throwing on the Nobboys video

And it's one of like the Aiden of the group and he's shorter And he doesn't get a lot of bitches And they're like It's like the main guy and he's like Uh oi So we set up a date he's Canadian With um

He's Canadian I'm from Edmonton and we've set up a date with uh little stewie and it's with this really hot girl but he doesn't know it's a setup and so they're secret filming him while he's on this date with this girl and he thinks he's risen her up yeah and he's like let's go back to my like my room and she's like for sure like let's go back to your room and the whole time he's like this this has to be a setup. And she's like, no, I want to freaking jump your bones. And then they go to the hotel room. And who's there but the Nelkers.

Yes, dude. You're literally the only person. Help. Help. What? Hey, it's OK. Help me. It's all right.

It's all right. It's all right, man. Why are you yelling, bud? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is definitely exchange, and that's how it works. That's how the real world is. Yeah, two scoops of that into a water bottle, 200 milligrams of water.

Don't posture like that. He's trying to snort it. Do it. I own the company. Do it. Oh. Oh. Oh.

What was the last time you shot a basketball? Oh, man. What an entrapment sort of a shot Two questions Do you think I shot a basketball more recently or backshot more recently backshot Oh Absolutely backshot I think basketball no I think absolutely not I mean I'm a mish guy what do you want from me yeah true I think he's shot a basketball more recently basketball it's been a long time you're talking about high school he was just so confident I'm not sure like

you can he make the ball in the hoop I I think he gets 5 for 10 on layups. No, 5 for 10? Are you kidding me? 5 for 10? 5 for 10 if you had a minute. Dude, 8 for 10. I think it's lower. In a minute? I think it's lower. That's crazy. You guys are being crazy to me. I think it's lower. Use your hands to shoot a ball right now.

Archie, Archie, I need you to calculate where you think the ball would have gone with that form. You made a whoosh noise. You have to make a whoosh noise. Have you ever done a crack pipe shot? Will you drink your energy drink out of a crack pipe? I don't even think I've ever seen a crack pipe. Well.

Sommelier. Have you got. Sorry, sorry, this is the crack king. Why do you have the crown on? Hello. He's the king of crack sorry, this is the crack king. Why do you have the crown on? He's the king of crack. Because I'm the crack king. Okay, right, king of crack, crack king. We were on the Big Joe in the living room, and then you came down, just fucking only in your underwear.

I didn't know she was there, by the way. He didn't know she was there, but as he was going down the stairs, he was going, Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright. And then fucking she looks around, and then he looks her the stairs, he was like, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. And then she looks around and then he looks dead on and is like, all right, man. And I hadn't really thought about what it would be like for girls I'm seeing to meet Anthony until that moment. And then she told me later that you were her favorite and I've never had fear ever about you meeting anybody

understandably what it would not have been a weird reaction if she was traumatized what are you talking about if if she didn't like that so what happened was that she started to see you in her nightmares what well that's her problem what what actually happened was i went down i outrided man and then i said all right and then, and then we exchanged pleasantries. And then I turned, it was as if, if you couldn't only hear me and you couldn't see what I was wearing or not wearing, you would

imagine I was in a suit at a gala. At like a gala. Enchanté. Yeah, that's what enchanté is. And I was Bruce Wayne at the ball going, it's a pleasure to meet you. It got really cold and it became winter and then I never saw him again. What?

Yeah. One day he just wasn't there anymore. I don't know if he moved stations or. He probably died. Don't joke to that. He probably died. That's a terrible thing. Why would you say that?

It's cold in New York City. Oh, and then you have a business idea for his family to use? Are you crying? Are you crying? Are you crying? I get it. I get it. Wow. I think Ludwig does get it.

What it could be is New York's one of the only cities in America that's legally obligated to provide shelter to all the homeless people in it. So maybe he just went to- I hope. Why do they mean like this? I don't know why they mean like... Because they don't have... They don't have what we have.

What we have. He's crying. There's a tear. How did you cry? Why did you cry? Because maybe you guys were hurtful, right? Like, maybe you should look inwards while you cried. All right, you know what?

Slap Ron is A-game. How about you bring your A-game and you apologize? A for apologies. Me? Yeah. What did I do? I think you know. You need to apologize. A for apologies. Me? Yeah. What did I do? I think you know. You need to apologize.

A for apologizing. It's a death thing. Dude, he has more tears in his eyes. Give him an apology so we can move on. Look at him. Jason Schlatt. Timothy Schlatt. I am sorry for insinuating that your friend, that your beloved.

Say his name. It was Samuel? No one's going to tell you. You have to remember. Otherwise, you weren't listening. Jack? Tom? Tommy?

I don't remember. Nick literally said it. It's also the same as Tung Law's American name, Jackson. That's a tonal language, though. I thought it's an easy way to remember. Jack? That's a tonal language. Non-tonal language Jack?

Oh, my God. Is probably alive. How do you just cry in command? That was awesome. You're talented. No, I'm just a sociopath yeah you take every American child and British child yeah and you can like attend question survey we have a passion and we make a pageant this is stunning no vicious not a pageant no pageant small and you ask all budget

with just friends and bad packages for there are paddages for us. Invite only pageant. This has nothing to do with the hypotheticals. Not kids. No kids at the pageant. It's invite only. No, I mean. There's kids at the pageant.

It's gotta be kids. It's gotta be kids. You gotta have kids. I'm not attending the pageant anymore. You gotta have kids at the pageant. I'm not going to the pageant. I'm busy that year. You know why I'm fucking sick of you?

Because you don't engage in the marketplace of ideas. I'm always throwing ideas at the pageant. You shut everything. This is the marketplace? I'm just small pageant. This is the marketplace. I'm not going to the of ideas. I'm always throwing it in the face. You shut up. I don't, I, I, hey. This is the marketplace. I'm just a small pageant. This is the marketplace. I'm not going to pageant. Very close-minded.

I'm saying I support your pageant from afar. Are you guys have non-stop brought up child pageants and now you want me to have them? No, it's you. I was so clear that the child pageant was adults only. I couldn't have been more clear. In the name, you couldn't have been more clear. In the name, you couldn't have been more clear. I said child pageant, adults only.

You could just say pageant, adults only. Drop the child. It's clear. Okay, the pageant for adults. Bring your kids edition. But we don't want their kids there. You don't get concerned about this. Pageant for adults.

Kids allowed. It's not clear about this to you. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedio.com slash the yard and you or use promo code the yard to check out. Your body to me is like an orchard. Right, exactly. It's nativedeo.com slash the yard. Your body to me is like an orchard. That's what I was going to say.

I was going to say use promo code the yard to check out. I want to spend years inside your body. When you die, my armpits will be Elysium. Archie, just put it on the screen as text. I was gonna say use promo code check out. I want to spend years inside armpits will be Inside your body and I want no clothes. I want to leave like I'm Adam. Yeah, I'll be inside your garden That's native deo.com slash the RV 21st order in here Just what else makes if you want to smell like Ludwig's garden you can buy native deodorant And he's got a garden for you and for me and you'll have so many people

sniffing you that will happen to you in public what compelled me to go up to his pits and be inside of his world that will happen to you if you use native deodorant it will literally happen to you right so let's get behind that together and let's go back to the episode.

You keep calling people me. I don't want to say it. What is the word? Well, then how will I know what we're speaking about? You know what I'm saying. Stop playing the coin. You know, guys, you all know what I'm saying. I don't know what it is.

You know what it is. I'm being for real, though. Is it Ludwig? You literally never call me that You can't call him pussy boy anymore, thank you you can't call him that pussy boy you wouldn't Know don't gaslight me. You've been calling me pussy boy for the past couple episodes and that's been catching like wildfire Streaming just in my kitchen making banana bread and every other Texas speech donation is how's the banana bread looking pussy boy? How did you make some extra pussy boy for thick Allen?

you make some extra pussy boy for Thick Alan? Oh my god. Why are we roping in the CFO of my company, a father of two by the way, who recently underwent life-threatening surgery. No, he didn't. Well, he got his balls snipped and that could have threatened something. If you're pro-life, it is life-threatening.

That's right. So anyway, I think that's inappropriate. I don't think they should. Nick Allen is a baby terrorist. They both had a point because it is my fault. Anyway, I think that's inappropriate. I don't think they should. I want you to. Nick Allen is a baby terrorist. What? They both had a point because it is my fault. Oh. It is my fault.

It is that I'm the reason. Oh, you have a fucking. Oh my God. I feel like I'm in class. I'm sorry. I. I was kidding. Is it your short?

Yeah, it is my fault. I have been the one asking to not have Cutie on the show. I believe it. For a long time. Thank you for saying it finally to us. Thank you. Are you going to break out in a song? Oh my.

I think secrets are really hurtful, especially when they're kept from your friends. And I think we're a group of people who really prides ourselves on being open and honest with each other. And I haven't been honest with you guys. Okay. And I think... This is the worst PowerPoint ever. I feel... You know, everybody makes mistakes.

And, you know, even though Slime says I don't feel it, I do feel a lot of shame when I make mistakes they sit with me for a really long time and There's all types of mistakes stock photo that has two people with their feet on concrete and says passion led a min here And yeah, amen is above it at us. It's crossed out There's there's there's so many types of mistakes you can make, and I think some are worse than others. I think some are crimes of passion.

This is a picture of a Delta airline Boeing taking off on a runway. You might all remember a long time ago, we all went on a trip together. Cutie included. We went on a trip for the podcast. Yeah, we all went on a nice trip. I really enjoyed that trip. How did you get a degree?

You don't know what a PowerPoint is. One night. Is that us? One night in the hall, I bumped into somebody close to you, Ludwig. Please, no. Tell him no more you have to get this out

I appreciate you sharing this right now right here and uh I think there was just in that moment there was a there was a connection

uh huh and it's I've been wrestling with this feeling for a long time and that's why it's been hard to look at

hang out with cutie see cutie I've been I've been I've dealt with this burden i've dealt with the burden this dark secret this this burden that i feel i made a mistake because i made a cutie's burden as well and that's not fair of me and that's why she hasn't been on the show. And if there's anything that I want,

I want to be honest with you all, but especially honest with you, Ludwig, because I, you know, you're one of my best friends. So skinny there. And, and I,

I'm so skinny in that picture. Better times. Maybe you look bad when I didn't have anything to hide from you. When I didn't have anything to hide from you when i didn't have anything to hide from you that's why i've been putting on weight i asked her to hide this from you as well but when we went to new hampshire i slept with your mom i thought this was about you. Thank you for keeping that one a secret. And I told Cutie the next morning, and every time I've seen Cutie over the years,

it's been tough to confront that secret, and I'm glad I could finally come. I've been using it as blackmail if it's helpful. He's calling his mom. I'll be ready for this. He's calling his mom. Call mom. Uh-oh.

Hey, hey. Do or die. Do or die. He's calling his mom. I'll be ready for this. He's calling his mom. Call mom. Hey, hey, do or die. Do or die. He's calling mommy. Oh my god. Hey mama. Is it on? What a surprise. Coucou, ça va?

Ça va, oui. Je suis sur le podcast là avec Aiden, Slime, Nick and Cutie. You're last by the way. Mais Aiden, tu repères Aiden, Slime, Nick and QT You're last by the way But Aiden, can you remember Aiden? Huh? You remember Aiden, yeah? Yes, of course He has something he wanted to tell you Of course

Aiden? Hi Paloma! Hi Aiden, how are you? Good, good, how are you doing? Do you remember when we visited you in New Hampshire? Do I remember what we did in New Hampshire? No, no, no. What he visited. What he visited. What we did in New Hampshire.

I'll call you later. Oh my gosh! I would never let Nick Allen at my child pageant for a dollar. Don't say this! What is wrong with you? This guy is your boss. I would never let Nick Allen at my child pageant This guy's your boss Jesus you don't love this shirt man fuck I got juvie on my nose. I want you to admonish other people using the term pussy boy to refer to me and using the term thick Alan to refer to your boss. You know what's funny? Here's the thing. You're my boss too.

Hold up. You're my boss too, but you never pull that card. Also, this isn't about thick Alan and his big old juicy ass. Really? Really? A double down. It's not. A double down. It's not. A double down.

It's not. It's about you. Because if this was happening to Nick Allen, fucking sleep. You sleep. No, no. Because every time you said, Nick Allen,

I've been in this chair and I've said, do not call him that. I've been consistent. We can't say Nick Allen is a big fat juicy ass. Thank you, Aiden. Thank you.

Why can't we do it, Aiden? Why? That's a good question. I'm genuinely asking. It's the same reason why I got mad at Yingling when he posted Mario Goatsy in the fucking general chat. It is the same. I would never do that. That's different. No, it's true. That's a different anatomy. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do it.

I actually, to be clear with that... He wouldn't do it, but it's not different. What Yingling did is worse. That's why I just... What it is, it is worse. I disagree. I disagree. That's crazy! Because you're getting... The thing is, Nick Yingling did not spawn an army of people posting Goatsy images. Nick Yingling. You posted a...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My associate apologizes for his remorse. Are you done? Yeah. Thought of a question. Okay. Might be dumb.

Yeah. You guys remember Pangea? Yeah. It was great. We were like, whoa. We were all going this way. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. We were like, whoa. We were all going this way. That's crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. Why come we don't go and go all the way around and hit each other again? I'm going to blow your mind. I hate him. We are. He knows. No.

I'm telling you. There's no chance. We're all going to win. There's literally a zero percent chance you don't know the answer to this question already. But imagine how dope Hawaii, Russia is going to be. That's going to be the first one. That's going to be so dope. It's like, yo, it's really confusing. A lot of islands, but also missiles.

There's a great line in Marcus Aurelius' Meditations book too. Oh my God, nobody cares. I think you would really resonate with it. I actually thought about... We get it. You listened to this while you walked 14 miles in fucking Dallas, Texas. I didn't get far into this. No, no.

I think you would resonate with it. Go ahead. I don't have it off rip. I'm not a fucking nerd. What? I don't have it for you. What? Why do you bring it up?

You had all that build up. I'm just telling you. You just jerked me off for like six minutes and then you were like, I'm done. Six minutes. So he's a seven minute guy. You would have came five minutes ago. I'm joking. With these seven minutes, he's a mob five minutes ago. With these diamond dogs.

These diamond dogs. Seven minutes makes your round two. First off, second off, this wasn't for you. This wasn't for you. You're not even going to know it's my hands. This wasn't for you. You're going to think it's not my hands. This was just for you.

Let's just say when the towers were hit, Aiden was nowhere to be found. I'll just say that much. What did you even do to help? I don't know. I in a an apartment in canada how old were you four did you tell your dad to scramble the jets i didn't you have to tell i didn't want him to help well he could have scrambled them he wouldn't have to fly what if america says we need pilots and we need our baldest. And your father hides under a bed. Pathetic.

Because he has hair? It's not alpha. No, because he doesn't want to fight. He doesn't want to fight. For the country that housed his son. He was just Canadian at the time, not for the country. That's what I'm saying, but that's bitch made. You're in the Commonwealth.

Wait, how would he have fought? You get in the plane. So you plane the plane. Scramble the jets. Scramble the jets. I don't think he's even allowed to enlist at the time. I guess you're not getting it. Scramble them.

He's not going to scramble anything. A Commonwealth citizen is allowed to scramble the jets, and your fucking dad didn't. Yeah, he could have hopped on ham radio. Yeah. He could have said UA99 whatever. UA United Airlines? That was the flight number.

He didn't work for United Airlines. Oh, you have to work. Oh, sorry. I'm only a corporate salaryman. He's on ham radio telling them to scramble. You think they do it all through ham radio? I think they do ham radio. Because it's incorruptible.

I want to get into ham radio. Get a ham radio on your motorcycle. I want to call up your dad and I want to tell him. Next time you talk to your dad, next time you talk to your bitch made dad, I want you to ask him. He listens to these. He does listen. He does listen. But I want him to tell him. Next time you talk to your bitch-made dad, I want you to ask him why he didn't... He does listen. He does listen, but I want him to tell his son he's bitch-made because he didn't scramble the jets on 9-11

for a father. Why he didn't scramble the jets and fight for his country that is adjacent to his country. And also, dad, have you heard about rslashgoonk. So, me and Miles have been developing this character just night and day, and it's the goon commander. Can you pull up the subreddit zipper?

It's r slash goon caves. Oh, my God. Do you know what this is? No, I don't know. Dude, this is fucked. A goon cave? Well, to goon is basically to masturbate, and there's a bunch of young porn-addicted men out there

who are comparing battle stations, like gaming setups. Wait, to edge it's their goon cave is it to edge yeah gooning is when you never come well either way it has to do is you you you masturbate and you edge but to goon is to oh it's private log in to goon is to do it like all the time so we had people who edge right they edge like once or whatever but if you goon like you don't ever come and you just always edge it's like no nut but you masturbate what a brain run little ways of 4.5 in that picture little Wayne's overrated that is the only chart that DJ Khaled and Ed Sheeran are in the same there's like this goon commander and we mean by let's talk to each other this is voices like boys I brought you here for one thing

goon the juggernaut Listen up. I show you all cuz you're the best at what you Come off will be good with the rest of you. But until then, mom's got to cook dinner, and I'm going to be waiting on standby. What? You're going to have to blur it again. Oh, come on.

You shouldn't have said that. Give Archie a workout for once. It's already blurred on the box. All right, make it hard on Archie and throw it to Nick, and then he has to track it when it falls across. Do it, do it, do it, do it. Whoa! What's up, Archie? Wait, move your arm so it's like track it when it flies across. Do it, do it, do it, do it. Whoa, what's up Archie?

Wait, move your arm so it like, we're gonna move it. Yeah, where's it going? Sorry Archie, is it 5am right now? I'm also making the track hard. I'm also making the track hard. So you can be someone's goon masterpiece, centerpiece. I'll be their goon centerpiece. And they would never defile you because you're gooning.

That's a good use of taxidermy. I want to crowdfund you, Eamon Goon Dog. Centerpiece I'll be there good never defile you I want a crowd for Boys got together and we have a bit was like a timeshare mostly What happened to the commander to make him talk that way well he's 15 His dad's in the army no, it's dead, but he's got a He's 15? Yeah. And his dad's in the army. No, his dad's dead, but he's got his fucking asshole mom's boyfriend named Steve. Tired of that piece of shit. He's always getting on my shit about gunning. So are the other people in the goon squad or the lair, are they all 15?

We don't know, because you have your handle. Like, I'm DarkstormX. And then there's Ceelebuddy. He's a lieutenant. Then there's Cum Container. There's Cum Container. He posts a lot on rslagpc.com. So Cum Container but the container never has cum in it? No, it always contains cum and never gets rid of the cum. Well, if you're a gooner, there should be no cum.

If you're a gooner, there's no cum. No cum in the container. It's contained, it's just not released. Oh, Cum Container's balls are holding the cum. This is why we like cum container. Oh, you thought it was a container of snow, but the container is the man. That's actually why it's a clever name. So that's, it's like a, you know, you join and you enlist.

Enlist today. Enlist today to the goon cave. The goon cave. We want you to not cum. We want you to goon. I feel like if you goon that much, it like, you probably like, see the Barbie movie, it's like hard not to bust. Yeah, you're just like, you're just vibrating. You have wet dreams. 100%.

Are you kicked out of the cave if you have wet dreams? Dude, I bet you're required to lucid dream to stop yourself from coming. No. No. Take your hand, go goon! It's an elite squadron. Take your hand. Teaching yourselfron Teaching yourself to lucid dream But it's not to fuck Jessica Alba

It's the opposite It's to never fuck When you get in the dream find Jessica Alba And then say no not today I'll jerk it but I won't come Good game is like the Delta force subdivision of nofap It's just like a battle battle heart yeah there's a marine

like we push ourselves to the limits and it's just 15 year olds with disposable income and a couple trips to japan you know a few episodes ago i was like i went to a coffee shop that aiden frequents yeah and uh and they just were so they're icing me out my banter they laughed you at the store i was just like damn what's going on i was fucked up i was being myself and they just iced me out so today i go in with aiden and uh well aiden goes in separately from me we happen to be here at the same time and aiden goes in first i go in second like the secret mission like we don't know each other and uh he orders and then me and aiden start talking i'm asking how his trip was and the guy who iced me out he sees me hanging out with aiden and he

goes wait you guys know each other yo you know aiden he goes wait you guys know each other you know he goes wait you guys know each other and I'm like yeah and it's like yeah yeah we were together and maybe be peep peep and then the guy comes up and you literally I'm not kidding he comes up he goes he pauses he computes all that he goes they daps me up he gives me That is crazy He daps me up Like I have value now And I'm like That is crazy And it wasn't just a dap

It was a hug It was a hug dap Like he brings me in He goes This is Spideyverse shit Which is really funny And then he walked away And I looked over at Aiden

And I'm like You're the key He's the key I have to follow him around And people will like me Dude imagine he's like Yo what's up Loke And it was like that And he fucking He knew your name Spin the block Like we'll be alright him around and and people will like me dude imagine he's like yo what's up Loke

spin the block like we'll be alright Aiden is like Vin Diesel he's the Vin Diesel of our group Aiden do you run a street gang? Dude I have cred in Los Angeles now. Dude this is crazy this is that's so funny that like because yo is that Aiden is like usually what you would hear at a smash tournament And that's beautiful Wasn't even just this guy every barista there was chatting me up cuz I was next to him. Yeah, dude You're like a star like yeah, you come in here a lot. We recognize you don't like personable sweetheart I don't even know how to describe this audio listeners, but he he's basically like it's like he's trying to kill himself with

Like cling wrap, but he doesn't have enough You guys kind of look like the chart at the barbershop like Honestly, okay, honestly all four of us are in the chart cuz I'm like kind of it's I'm not balding, am I? Honestly? Okay. Look, it's like... Honestly. All four of us are in the chart, because I'm like kind of... I'm the most full. You do have the most full head of hair ever. Yeah, like I'm the stage after you. Good one. You've done it again.

You're so mean. You're so not charitable. Do you think he does look like it's going away? Pull it up for him. Let's see. You know, I think eventually it will really become noticeable, but I think with like a haircut where it's like in the front, it's harder to tell. We're talking about come over techniques.

What if I told you it's been this way for six years? Early onset baldness. It's been the same for six years! Oh no. Yeah, can I get a, can I get a large fry? And... There's gonna be a day... Can I get the Grimacek?

I just wanna try it. I just wanna be crazy and try it. Wanna get nuts? We should get you toupee. Sam, can you come next week? Fuck that, get Aiden one. Get me off this horse. He's on his way.

Actually, that is a good question, Sam. In your professional opinion, does it seem as though he's on his way? Be real, be real. Because he is part of, like, he's half your clientele. He's young and gay. Oh, that's, I don't like that. We have so much evidence against you right now. For audio listeners, she did a body position that kind of sounded like

shmeep, shmeep, shmeep. With a quick salute. Oh, yeah. Rest in peace to a quick salute. Oh, yeah. Rest in peace to a fallen soldier. Dun, dun, dun. Who? Who died. In a fiery explosion.

In a fiery explosion driving 174 miles an hour down the freeway. And he only stopped to look at someone with a nice rack. And that's why he died. Yeah, that's what the report said. Tony Starr, may he rest in God's kingdom. Yeah, halfway through the phrase, hoochie mama. Before exploding. The car he was driving?

I genuinely thought I had missed Hunter Biden dying over the weekend. Can I say something kind of funny? Yeah. My male lady is so pretty. Dude, his name's Aiden. Come on, man. Call him a fucking mail lady. The person who delivers my mail is so beautiful.

Once every three days or three podcasts, you just talk about a breathtaking woman you saw. Dude, the door opens next time, you should be like, and this one's for you. It's a love letter. It's a love letter. It's an invite to Sue Plantation. It should be an easy delivery. Baby, I got $35 at Sue Plantation and they got blue jello this week.

You can get what every one. You can't get red jellos. It's next week. It's a lot of money. Is that where your thoughts ended? She's beautiful. Yeah. It's like, who the fuck is getting a male delivery job?

Like what do you go be in? Go be in a movie. She's too beautiful to be a male. Wow. So beautiful. Beautiful women shouldn't deliver mail. No. Do you think she's possibly?

That's for ugly, gruff old men. It's a man's job. Yeah. No, no, no. It's... Okay, fine. We're an ugly, ugly, decrepit old woman.

Uh-huh. Also. Ugly? I'm an equal... It's for ugly people. You're... How's he... Gritty people shouldn't be doing work like that.

Your, like, patriarchy report card is... It's just stellar. What are you talking about? You're talking about how women are too beautiful to do certain jobs. I think they are. That's all. Don't say it earnestly. You supported his solution to diversifying our female presence on our show was giving one of us boobs.

The next time she shows up, you should be like, baby, you should be in a movie. You're too beautiful to give me my boobs. You should try that. The next time she shows up, you should be like, baby, you should be in a movie. You're too beautiful to give me my mom. You should try that. Yeah, imagine saying this to her. I now understand. You're too pretty to be doing this. Baby, you're Jamba Juice material. Do you think she fucks with you?

Does she fuck with me? Yeah, does she fuck with you? Absolutely not. Does she fuck with your white boy swag? But if she did, then I wouldn't like her. Then you wouldn't like her anymore? But if she did that I wouldn't like her then you would like Some of my friends when they make fun of me they seem to be super serious about it

And are extra mean and it genuinely hurts my feelings, but when I bring it up to them They say I'm just being a pussy and to stop taking it seriously Aiden, as someone... Oh, my God. As someone who seems to be the metaphorical punching bag of the group. This is so funny. How do you take it on the chin so well? Aiden's not even here. That makes it so much more funny.

That's so much better because we have so many routes we can take, Anthony. Yeah, it's like a buffet. The first route is you just tell them they're taking it too far. And you let them know how you feel. And you said that you've tried that and they've just called you a gaping, quivering pussy for it. Which is awesome. Yo, he's squirting again. Yeah, guys.

Come in, come in to the call. Fucking, what's your name? I don't know. Anon. Anon is squirting because we made fun of me squirting everywhere. They're a huge mess fills up easily change my sheets, then let me put a towel down Just squirting on unabashedly everywhere I'm talking about Imagine now imagine this is

Just a California 10 And she comes up to you And she's like hey what's up I'm you know Kathy are you like so Don't fucking lie To me Don't lie to me Why you got necklace I'm trying to

Imagine okay she's California 10 she's got like short. Milwaukee 14. Same thing. She's got like short pixie hair. She's pretty tall. She's got like, it's kind of like dyed. She's got like, maybe she's wearing an Eva.

She's got my body in huge shockers. Yeah, that's what I was trying to get at. Clumbs up. She comes out. She goes, hi, slime. I'm coarse. to get at. Comes up. She comes up, she goes, hi, Slime, I'm Coarse. She's bouncing because we've described her this way. And she goes, hey, Slime, yeah, my name is... My name's Clark.

She's Clark, she's Clark. That's my name, my name's Clark. It's kind of weird. Hi, nice to meet you. I say, okay, she says, hi, Slime, I'm Jan. Okay, I'm like, I'm Janie. No, she has a hot name. I'm Bethany.

No, Beth could be there. All names can be hot names, and all names can be ugly names. No. Yes. No, what if her name was Sludge the Destroyer? And she's fucking hot? That's not a hot name. She's just hot. Yeah, no, that's hot Sludge. She would make Sludge the Destroyer. And she's fucking hot? Did you use it, Dan? That's not a hot name. She's just hot.

Yeah, no, that's hot Sludge. She would make Sludge hot. Then I say... Her name was Garfield. Yes, I'm Garfield. Her name is Garfield? All right, what do you say? I'm Garfield.

I'm Garfield Azalea. Hi. I say... Sorry, I'm really trying to imagine. really trying to imagine having trouble talking to girls Sorry are you woman? Now you know And I need to say this with a hundred percent certainty No girl would ever act the way this guy

act the way this guy acted. This is, this is, it's a hypothetical. But I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying to. I won't be Ludwig, I won't be Ludwig.

I'll actually play the fucking video game with you and I will say, I'd be like, hi. Yeah, of course you would. I'd say hi back.

Because there's value for you. You'd say, you'd say hi. You would never be able to work at UPS. Hubba Bubba. What's a beautiful girl like you doing at this tournament?

Yeah, I would do that. What do you do for work? I hope it's not delivering mail. Because that'd be a travesty. If you delivered my mail, I'd talk about your looks. Slav's biggest weakness is he loves

breathtaking women. I caught guilty. You got a pulled up zipper? For reference, this is how hairy my butt is right now. Oh my god. Step one is to squeeze. I feel like I'm in IMAX. I'll keep it a stat.

That was 4D. You posted that video to our group chat, and I just watched it. You tell us all this and then also be like, you guys treat us like cartoons. Yeah, that's true. Oh you do your accent. Oh you make fun of us so much, and it's like you just named Goody Mungo and Dixie Those are, those are animatic characters. They're not real people Queens, the light of Queen Christ shines on us

There is a church This place There's a church that hangs over the Ponton's character cast This literally looks like Undead Burg. I'm not kidding. Yeah, it's... This is RA4. The bell starts ringing and all the employees at the end of the day are... It looks like in Left 4 Dead 2 when they can't afford to put real IP on the wall somewhere. Yeah. So they just put this next to a church. It's like a Rockstar game where it's like... Pontins is like a Rockstar Games fake brand.

Yes, yes. It's like the Sprunt, like, cola. It's like a Quiggly-Doo playground. Yeah. This place looks like Prince Andrew took a few quiet trips down here. And I got W-Riz. You say Riz so funny. Riz! Your Z?

You said like a yo-yo sound effect. Your Z has like a body to it. You said onomatopoeia. Riz. That's what it is, isn't it? Say Wriz. Just say it. Wriz.

Say charisma. Charisma. You're announcing it like a Super Smash Bros. character. I'm naturalized. In a way, I'm more American than you are because I had to fight for it. Natural eyes. Do you know how naturalization works? Naturalize. Naturalize. And get over here. for it. Natural eyes. Do you know how naturalization works?

And get over here. And get over here. Tell me, how do you make me shit? Pardon. Pardon. Pardon. Excuse me, sir. I come in your bathroom.

Toilet. I come. I want to blow it up like a mother fucker. Sexy, sexy night sexy night It went long time My ass so backed up It's so cool we have a translator Welcome Welcome to the yard pod tat

I think I get the self ick When I tell people I'm successful Oh me too That's why I live like a wise man I refuse to do it I just want to say yeah I do a thing that's working really well. I say that too. What are you doing?

I'm extremely humble when it comes to that shit, because I don't want to come off like an asshole. We make more than doctors, Duppet. No, it's more than doctors, Duppet. I'm extremely humble. Truth to truth, man. My most humble friend. Duppet. Remember when we were

Humbly Dumb it I know rack for rack With a surgeon and wind Yeah This guy on the mic back there Sounds like Ludwig When he's doing like

An over the top French accent Hey everybody Are we here to gather About that music Music brings us together Alright Bienvenue A la premiere concert Avant de le tour y faire On y va Come to our house show Kevin Yan about the music. Music brings us together. All right. Bienvenue à le premier concert

avant de le torréfaire. On est là. Come to our house show. Kevin Yan will be there tonight. I was going to be telling you Samurai Champloo. Special guest Kevin Yan. On a DJ football.

Dude, if Yan being on the DJ on the turntables, that'd be so beast. This is why you couldn't do a Mogamail. That's not true. You know if you rearrange all the letters of quid pro quo, it's called Squidward. Also true. It doesn't do a Mogul mail. That's not truuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeioioio What is wrong with you? Stop. This happens to Swift.

This happens to Swift all the time. The other day, I was just kind of, oh, hello. Hi, puppy name. She was like, the other day, I was just like, bonjour, qu'est-ce que tu penses de ça? There's a beagle that has just shown up, audio listeners. A beagle, and he's saying what is in French, woof. Hello. You want to say something? Sorry. No, he's saying what is in French. Woof. Hello. You want to say something?

Sorry. No, he's shy. He's shy. That's fair. I was going to do 2CB. You were going to do 2CB with your friends. You were going to take hallucinogenics and fucking sit there and be like,

will I be this way forever? Sounds like a Rhyme Stairs rapper. No, we got rained out. Rain check. Hillary, Hillary. What is 2CB? Rain check. It's some fucking new drug he's into. It's not. It's not. Is it not a drug?

You could just like play video games on a Sunday. You could play video games on a Sunday. That's what I did do. But instead you want to take like newfangled drugs like from Wuhan. And it's like, okay, cool. Straight out of Wuhan. 2CB does sound like a drug in 23 Drugs Street. Oh, no, sorry. Straight out of Wu-Wang. 2C-B does sound like a drug in 23 Jump Street. Oh, no, sorry.

It's called 4-bromo-2-5-dimexafosafenafetamilamine. It's a psychedelic which means it can affect all senses. I'm doing it for my bromos. Oh, I'm gonna get a text from my dad now. Dude, this literally looks like a drug they would sell on 23 Jump Street. Uh, yeah. 2C-B's taking over the high school. Is it like a research chemical?

Why is it called that? Is it new? Are they making new drugs? Yeah, they developed it to teach monkeys English. Yeah. And to help them ride dogs. Was there a 1CB? How does it work?

Well, yeah. The 1CB, the monkeys didn't want to get on the dog. Are you boring about that? The 1CB, and the monkeys got on the dog. The monkeys wanted to be dogs. Why would LSD be the dog? Why would LSD and mushrooms? Like, get rid of those? Yeah, it's boring.

Aiden's a trendy guy with an Acme t-shirt, and he fucking doesn't like doing normal drugs. Like, normal blue-collar drugs like LSD. He's too good for that shit. And it's so fucking cool. It's cool. You're cool. I think if Montclair made a drug,

he'd overdose and kill himself. Oh, my God. Valenciana was $500 a gram hallucinogenic? Buy her a $3,000 sweater, get one pill of Valenciana. Yeah, I took it. I heard a caller. It was great. I'm not coming from a place of hostility.

I'm Jay Offer. I am. I am. I am. I am. I know. And it's making it harder to converse with Aiden. You're a hard advocate for safe and researched drug use.

Yeah, you can boof whatever you want, however safe you want. I'm not boofing! Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not? Because a lot of drugs are bad for you! I'm not saying it's not good to boof.

What? Let your anal walls absorb the drug! Let your anal walls absorb the drug. And I don't do drugs anally! I don't do anything anally! I don't even do drugs that often! Well, that's a lie. I knew he was a poser.

I knew you were a poser. I knew you were a fucking poser. What I'm asking you is, what, like, how, do you have like a poser I knew you were a poser I'm asking you do you have like a group chat where you're like oh not LSD have you heard of 2CBS is there any new shit we can do guys yeah there's donors weekly I'm learning names and I've lived in LA

for a few years I feel like I should know most of the drugs by now and I simply will not do anything that's not trendy enough. That's what it, that's, and, and you're right! You're awesome. You're very awesome. I, I gave him what he wanted right away in the Valerie game. I, I skipped over all those other winning, winning parts. As if I don't edit or modify anything I say in a podcast environment.

You're, you're filling my mana bar right now. You're filling it. I met a really cool barista, I met a really cool barista. I'm actually gonna heat up his blood on a spoon and eat it later. We actually arranged, we arranged to eat each other's poop and semen. Oh my god. My man of our soul. It's overfilled right now It's a miserable. Why are you miserable? I'm miserable. Why can't do your fucking new trendy drugs been made by Montclair? You don't care You don't care too I can't care what the answer is. Imagine you're in a Gucci store and you drop nachos everywhere. One, you don't care what the answer is. You don't care. Two, I can't explain without tying in people's names that don't want to be named in a public environment.

Use fake names. Use fake names? Oh, Joe has talked about it for a really long time. And it's a drug from a book from a guy who synthesized a lot of drugs that don't have any, basically any negative side effects. And I feel weird talking about drugs it's a wonder drug yeah it's a wunderdruck that's the gun in nazi zombies and now i'm gonna get a text from my dad about how i shouldn't be trying anything even though i'm fucking smart and i fucked up the research oh my god you're square i talked to him and the viewers are gonna be like you shouldn't be talking about our drug And you're saying this all while packed

And I'm packed the fuck up right now. So I'm back up on for I'm mad at you and a man at you Wait, sorry, stop stop stop. I'm always fun. Are you actually that dense? Wait, you're mad at me from just now, right? Not from anything earlier. Wait, you're mad at me from just now, right? Not from anything earlier. Yeah. Okay. That's all. It was crazy you said, what the fuck did I do when it was so obvious? I just thought because he's mad at you for shit from before. I'm getting called autistic before the

podcast. I'm fucking, I'm on my, I'm on my edge. I'm on my edge. It doesn't feel good, does it? I have to deal with raiders in my game running the spike down into enemy players. I have to deal with you fucking fucking up the machines. I think it was imperfect, Glenn. Yeah.

7-13, that was winnable. So winnable. The real answer is I would do anything for my floor wife. If she wants to have a big wedding and I'm not into it, I would step up. That's beautiful. Would you need a tire? Of course I'd need a tire for her she is beautiful attire attire man all right man would you eat a tire for cutie Cinderella what's the circumstance here she's asking you yeah she says babe no if she's just asking you fucking for

real this is like the whole what you did was a worm thing if she's just you know what I would you don't even mean it you worm thing if she's you know what I would you don't even mean it you can't do it after I would it's like it's like she came up she's like eat this tire for me

and you're like no right if she gets mad and then you're like fine I'll do it she's like I don't want it anymore wait hold on sorry hey cutie hi hi

so I'm doing the show with Ludwig right now and we were just talking and I was talking about how if I had a floor wife and she asked me to eat a tire from a car from a car like a car tire and i would instantly do i snap answered yes and i asked ludwig what what if cutie asked you if she to eat a tire and he said he said no i Okay, okay

I would eat the tire no he specifically said that you do this anyone need I'd eat it in full Okay, so I'm sorry to be the guy, but I'll leave you alone. All right. I hope you have a great time with your new cool friend. It's the same friend. It's like episode 113. All right. Go easy on yourself. Bye. So does that make you feel good?

Do you feel like a man when you push her around? I need the tire. I'm going to bring a fucking tire tomorrow. Okay, absolutely. What the attack does is they push their load towards destination. Is that right? Yeah, I guess we can go with that. Yeah, the payload. And there's payload.

Are you allowed to refuse the payload? What do you mean as you say refuse? I was more like a no. No, you hop on the payload and the payload will move. You could refuse the payload. You could, yeah. If you don't hop. Poor dude.

What the fuck? I'm from New York. So we're going into Times Square here. Oh, shit. Okay, cool. This is the best you've ever played that. Because he always laughs at some point. He'll crack at the end, but he did not crack a one.

I was like, it'd be really funny to say Lodin said payload. Something about you two running bits while Yipes stays completely silent. Oh, my God. There was a moment where I thought Yipes was going to tell me to like, hey, man, you need to cool off. Because I made a joke to Ludwig,ipes was gonna like tell me to like hey man you need to cool off because i made a joke to ludwig and it was like uh what i say is it was like oh yeah that's a game we play in france it's called or something yeah you made some it was a pretty good joke and i'm like oh yeah that's the one where you spit in your sister's mouth

and i was like came over the top like, fucking, what can I say? And then Yipes looks at me like, hey, yo! And I'm like, uh-oh, Yipes thinks I'm really weird. He's dodging. If he was here for 24 hours, see what happened. All right, hey, Lud and Anthony, you guys have one try to try to lean on the Eiffel Tower in the video. And we'll see if you bank it later. Okay.

Ready? Three, two. Wait, we each go right now yeah same time okay and you just gotta bink it don't stay here you're already it's already framed in between you you're pacing the wrong oh you're good all right for the friends for the friends at home did they bink it or do they think it if iinked it, you have to be nice to me if you hate me. Yeah, that's the new rule. So, dude, this guy, he's sitting on the couch. I started asking him, do you think it'd be easier to take care of nine dogs or one dog?

Right. That's a good question. You're asking this to Akes? Yeah. And he said what? And he said. He said one dog because it's less dogs. And then Slime said, ah, but the dogs take care of each other.

You see that guy that dumped that cup of poop on Ice Poseidon? No. This happened recently. I don't want to. That's like the 29th worst thing to happen to that guy. Yeah, it doesn't even crack the WatchMojo video. The past month. Some guy ran up on him and poured what seems to be a cup of poop water on his head.

And then the guy ran away and they chased him down and put him in a headlock and then got him arrested Wow, that was crazy. Some people live different lives. Yeah The only one cool that happening is ice. Do you ever wish you had cultivated a community like that? No, no Yeah, but it would bring a little pizzazz to your screen More sweet streams are we gonna get? Yeah, we got it. Chat, we have to go back on to it. Chat, it's the hardest game in ex-Asian country. Okay, we're talking about repetitiveness. We're on the 117th episode of The Yard, where this guy goes,

and we are new. I haven't just done it once. We have a 10-minute late segment at the start. Oh, whose fault is that? Oh, my God. All events. So me and Mango are supposed to get tattooed, and we didn't go because my girlfriend And we didn't We didn't go

Because My girlfriend has COVID And I didn't want I didn't know if I had COVID yet Which I ended up not having it But I didn't want to go Get a tattoo If I potentially had COVID

So I told the tattoo artist Mango gets mad at me Which is insane Because I'm organizing everything The fact that he's mad That like It's not happening I'm like

Go fuck yourself He's like He's like You ruined everything And I'm like Okay sure I know how to deal with him So I'm like Yeah you're right I ruined everything like he's like you ruined everything and I'm like, okay sure I know how to deal with him. So I'm like, yeah, you're right I ruined everything and he's like, uh, why do you get kovat and I'm like, I never had kovat

This is not what happened. He's like you have kovat And then the whole event if he passed me and I COVID? And I'm like, no, no. I do not. I do not have COVID. And then he'd be like, he does. That's so funny. That's so fucking funny. You know what else happened on Lego? Because we were told, as casters, just no bad language, really.

And it's fine. It's like, you know what? This is how the industry goes. It's like, yeah, we can not swear. And then the first thing I see in the first fucking race is someone gets exploded and in that game they call it getting bricked you get bricked and i'm like bricked what's that and then ludwig just tries to smooth over it it was basically the ludwig and Slime malicious compliance Olympics.

Yeah. And it's like a party in the 90s. It's like six people. And then somebody's like, Princess Diana died. And then everyone's like, what? No. And there's no way for them to pull out a phone and look it up. So they're all just slowly coming to terms and believing this person.

And they're just like wred with sorrow from it dude that would have been so cool back then yeah that would be my evil if I went back in time I wouldn't kill Hitler I would go to like the mid 90s and I'd be like elephants can fly now yes yes or or guess what Savage Garden just got into a fatal car accident. Your favorite band. Wow. Such a small group of people would be overly sad. Not in the 90s. A small group compared to the 90s world. I Want You was a huge hit. They'd be like, Darren Hayes is finally dead?

No. It reminds me of back when we shot and killed Osama Bin Laden, Semper Frag. Right. What? Nothing. I remember where I was. You do? I do.

We all kind of do. I was in the car in the morning when I heard it on the radio. I remember where I was. I was looking down the barrel of a sniper rifle. That's where I was. He wasn't shot. I didn't take the shot. I'm on call.

He's opening the op-ed to take the shot. I'm making all my calls. Alright, he's opening the op-ed to take the shot. That's someone 360'd Osama with a.50 cal. That's why one of the helicopters crashed when they did it. They were going for some crazy shit. This is like the second or third episode this month we talked about Osama.

Yeah, he's a generational talent. And on Twitter there was a a guy everyone was talking about. It's like, oh, my God. There was one guy who was like, in New York, can't find a hot dog stand anywhere. And he just didn't like know yet. And that's what he just sent out and tweeted, like probably in frustration. And he was like the one guy up.

Yeah. Who just didn't know. Or knew and didn't give a shit because he wanted a hot dog so bad. That'd be beast. That is beast. He's like, I have my own priorities. Hot dog situation doesn't really matter. Osama was always temporary, but hot dogs forever.

Well, they should be in Manhattan. If I'm hungry, I have the capacity to not give a shit about basically anything. You think so? Yeah. Yeah. You come up to me and you're like, everyone you know is dead now. What if- If I haven't eaten in like 24 hours, I'm like, I want a fucking bagel bite.

If Cyborg Osama Bin Laden walked through that door, but you hadn't had your coffee yet, he's like, It's like, Where's the visual boy advance emulator? Not before my macchiato. I want to play Final Fantasy Tactics and plan the downfall of the West.

I want to play Final Fantasy Tactics and plan the downfall of the West. You know it in your heart. You know what a run is when you're feeling it. Don't try to cheat. Only cheat on your girlfriend. Yeah. The only... That's the only... No, he basically said it.

None of you guys are brave enough to pipe up on the team. I really honestly thought I couldn't make it better. That's how I felt. You're the only one that's single. I so badly wanted to participate. I just thought I couldn't make that better. Rare moment. Day two?

I would never cheat on my girlfriend. Okay. I would never do that. Why are you saying it like you're lying? No, I would never. It sounds like you're confessing. No, I'd never do it. I'd never do it. You'll never do it. I'd never do it.

You'll never do it. I would never do it. And that's so nice of you to say. Let's all go around and say it. I'm now realizing by affirming that I would never do it. You sound super guilty. No, I'm not guilty. Hey, men, call up your girlfriends right now.

I would never jerk off in a public Dunkin' Donuts. I would never do that. I would never do that. Because that's not something you should do. Call your girlfriend right now if you're listening to this and say, I would never jerk off in a public Dunkin' Donuts. I would never do that. I would never do that. Because that's not something you should do. Call your girlfriend right now if you're listening to this and say, I would never cheat on you. No, I mean like never. I would never, ever, ever. And say, I have never done it.

I could not be more clear that I would never cheat on you. Call your girlfriend and say, from here forward, I will not cheat on you. He looks like an understudy. Dude, this is insane. This is him filling out the... He looks like he's fresh from Broadway. This is crazy. I couldn't stop laughing. Because he was just so...

Look at his face. Look at his face real close. Like, look how long he is. Oh my God. He's dressed like a time traveler. He looks like one of those... He looks like a scientist in a textbook from like 1800. Yeah, he looks like he's

about to find an element friedrich hoggs he's like a hired priest who does psycho analysis on you after you fall in an elevator so did you confront any spirits that's the guy that's the guy who found out most of the air is actually nitrogen wow i'm glad he's okay. What's your favorite choccy? I would probably go peanut M&M's. Really? Yeah. Interesting.

I really like peanut M&M's. I feel good eating them. Do you like taking the shell off with your teeth and tongue and then eating the peanut after? Nope. I do that. You bite it in the middle. The little M&M egg cracks in half. Yeah.

You eat them separately. Yes. You get the same to the peanut a little M&M egg cracks in half. Yeah, yeah separately Same peanut sideways It's like a fun game every time I've never eaten them I know this is a good deal is the matter with you He's allergic peanuts. He's allergic peanuts. Yeah, that's very nice. That makes sense weird Yeah, weird though. That's what's the matter with me? Your question I would prefer if it wasn't that way and then he's like he's like yeah, and then she slid in my DMs

To be clear I didn't think anything of the conversation at the poker table until she until the slide I want to use a weapon on this bitch Thank you ladies I'm a girl and I blindly support all of this As you should, you're a good girl Mother Thank you Wait so you're not serving Not at the moment

We're out. I'm not saying it. It's closed. It's closed. We're out of time. How did we get it? I'm sorry. We ordered something else. Zipper! Zipper, look!

By the way, this is demonetized. No, Archie Bears. Help us. Archie Bears, good luck. If you serve it, you can keep it monetized still. It's fine. It was a long time. A couple days after.

It was in the works. You book burned your podcast. What do you mean? You can't find it on the internet you burned all the literature? Oh? I didn't have a say I saw on the sensor. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck goes on Wow you decide You decide if Hassan hates free speech. I do hate free speech on burn books could be you could be you next Yeah, yeah first books, and then you jump off the humans. Burn a guy. Yeah.

Burn a guy. Listen to me, dude. What's so funny? Chuckle fucks. I'm listening. What do you want? I'm listening. Please continue.

Go ahead, please. You owe us a piece. Here's what I want you to do. Okay. I want you to take what i've written my my beautiful prose and i want you to think of this world that we've built yeah as you read it okay this is a high fantasy world two rogue mercenaries should we let him read through it first or should you go no he's gonna read it line by line two mercenaries have been looking all night at a nice, big, juicy take.

Because they're also burglars. Okay. They're mercenary burglars. I want you to read it out in your narrative. Apply your lens, because we're looking to enhance what we've created. I'm back to the hypothetical. Thank you.

And so I need you to sort of do this honestly. Don't fuck with us. We're trying to do a fucking show here. I don't fuck with you. No, don't. a fucking show here. I don't fuck with you. No, don't. That'd be rude. Listens for once. That's good.

Yeah, if you could just not be rude and just do this. Okay. Yeah, I guess I've been really fucking rude. Are we ready? I'm glad you said it. So I should just read this whole thing. And don't give feedback until it's over

because I think you need the full arc of the story to really understand what we're doing. Terping up. It's a because I think you need the full arc of the story to really understand what we're talking about. It's a full story of the monologue. It goes to eight. It's too cold, said Jack,

his cow whipping in the night wind. The bowstring he held taut did not waver. However, as he kept his arrow drawn on his faraway target,

a young stable leaning... Stable hand. Okay, a young stable hand leaning against the wall of the farmhouse only minutes away from what dozing off far away from his from on his faraway target a young stable hand leaning against the wall of a farmhouse only minutes away from dozing off to sleep did you say something something? Slime said, emerging from the trees and adjusting his belt.

I was just having a crazy three-way with two elf women for like three hours. I know, said Jack. I'm right here. I could hear everything. Nice.

How's the stakeout going? It's... What? Did you just read the fucking no feedback until the end interrupted is that your

small cold penis slime pointed slime pointed to jack's meat hanging from his tunic exposed to the night air

but also flaring back toward the warmth of his body flanked on each side by two extremely tiny balls

slime thought they might do sorry to what he said you kinda you kinda body. Blanked on each side by two extremely tiny balls. Slime thought they might be... Two what? You kind of... Blanked on each side by two extremely tiny balls. Slime thought they might be... Slime might thought...

Slime thought they might be the smallest, coldest balls he's ever seen in his whole life. Yes, it's freezing. In a way, they looked like three balls. Because the penis was so small. Right.

Slime began to think that the cold air, while of course having some influence, was a negligible factor in the size, or lack thereof, of Zach's genital package, not Jack in this document. Oh, it says it on there? It's close to the J.

That's my fault. He has a different keyboard layout. Yeah, you have a weird keyboard. Great. That's crazy, Slime said, mostly to himself. Want to get this show on the road? Gladly. Jack, now with the J, released the arrow. Want to get this show on the road? Gladly. Jack, now with a J.

That's on the script. Don't read that. Not on the script. Yeah, yeah. It flew into a silent professional arc into the navy blue night. A precision learned through an entire lifetime of practicing archery and getting zero elf strange. Not even during arrow college or anything like that

he went to a party college too kind of insane actually that's the arrow landed uh perfectly symmetrically into the skull of the young stable hand who had dozed off moments earlier his body remained against this wall limp and dreamless jack and Sline made their way down the hill to the stable, stopping at the corpse. Whoa, Jack, look! Sline had maneuvered the stable hand's overalls to reveal another set of extremely small genitals, so desecrating a dead body, possibly tied for the all-time record of Jack's impossibly small three of a kind Are you related this guy? Possibly tied for the all-time record of Jack's impossibly small three of a kind are you related to this guy Jack rolled his eyes

Let's get, wait. Turn him over. This lion did so. And Jack's eyes grew wide. This is Aiden John Ian McCaig. He's the bisexual son of an extremely powerful duke. He also shit all over his pants and really tiny balls. Probably when he got shot in the head with your arrow. That's super embarrassing.

The night air subsided. Jack's extremely tiny and weird nuts and wiener are tipped into dangle in the silence. What? But were simply unable to physically do so because of their size. They were too small. We're dead men walking.

End scene. Wow. So what do you think of our story? God. I have some thoughts. Okay. Well, first off, I like coming- It's our first venture into fiction.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a, it's a cool, it's our first venture into fiction yeah yeah yeah it's like you're jumping right in it's sort of in median res you know these people are in the middle of something you don't really know what I think I think you could play with the idea

of not knowing what he's going to do to the target okay they're out there for some reason it's like it's a go time like what are we of not knowing what he's gonna do to the target. Okay, okay. When they're out there for some reason, it's like, it's a go time. Like, what are we, kind of build some narrative tension about what the...

I think my boyfriend games too much, and he disagrees. Oh, yeah, that's a, that's a, I think the pilgrims were having this problem. You gotta not, you gotta stop nagging him. Oh, shit, it's, it's frat Aiden. You gotta stop nagging him. You gotta leave him alone. Bro's child level love, you're leveling this problem. You gotta not you stop nagging. Oh shit. It's it's right a day. Yes, stop nagging him Yes, I'm alone bro. Child level love your level of down. See you see him once every two weeks. That's enough

Here's a couple XP points to him. Yeah, he's a fucking it's hard. It's what Diablo came out a month ago He's supposed to spend time with Sorry, I'm sorry we almost lost you Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh just like, it's like, and they don't have, they don't have a personality like outside. Like I can think of friends who have coke on them somewhat frequently, but they have a lot of traits and value beyond the coke that they do. So coke guy is basically only looking to score. He's mostly, he mostly does drugs and he mostly does coke He's like you want to do a bump and then and then 40 minutes later. Hey, you want to do a bump with me?

It's like no, I didn't put you the first time We're at like a book club right now Guys in jail a dense a dense illustration of a coke guy is I think the most riveting thing I've ever heard him say. Get the fucking- get it off my dresser. And then he didn't take the job and he moved in with us to fucking stream. And then we sucked him to completion every single night. He made you, bro. I remember this. He did make me in that moment.

And every following night after that moment where he sucked me to completion. Yeah, I just- you would brick into the roof of my mouth. Dude. I don't know. Oh, that. What the fuck? So visceral. Don't drop a pin wherever.

And like Popeye drop a Don't drop a pin Wherever And like And like Popeye Go And that's the NRER podcast And that's how Dumb and came to be born I'm reeling You're like

It's easier to not Like freak out And be weird Dude I got milked By a kid this past week. Wow. Like, from your tits? Did the kid milk your little tits off?

What if the way we milked... Oh no! Don't do it, Kira! So, what advice would you give if you could go back in time to your late 20s, early 30s self? As an elder knowledge man, what would you say? Don't smoke cigarettes. Really? That's one piece.

That's actually so old. You have no idea. That's really good advice. We don't fuck with that. We don't even talk about it. Yeah, we've actually been after this. That's even better than don't shoot heroin, but don't fuck with that. We don't even talk about it. That's even better than don't shoot heroin. But don't smoke cigarette. Did you chug beer fast?

Oh, yeah. You still got that dog in you? I did funnelators, man. Put the funnel like this. A big funnelator with a big rubber tube that goes like this. Santa, Santa Claus. Peter, you went dizzy mode. Pause.

Don't pause. Let him cook, man. There's ways that could have been interpreted that were different.