The Yard - Best of The Yard (2025)

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

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New Year's means new changes. So this is going to be our last year with Aidan McCaig as a host of the yard. We wanted to kick things off by remembering the old times, right guys? Yeah. A lot of good times. A lot of stinkers as well. In fact, this is a merit-based podcast. Mostly stinkers, to be honest.

By the numbers, one of us failed the most. You'll see, actually, this is a best of from the past year, and someone might be absent from a lot of it. Like a lot of it. See, even absent like he is right now. It kind of feels like that's the case all year. Anyway, guys, this is our best of. This is the episode for the week.

We're taking the week off. We'll see you next year. And we appreciate that you guys support us so we can be able to just have conversations that would otherwise go unrecorded. It's my dream, and I live it. So thank you. Kiss your loved ones.

My dream is world peace. On the mouth. Mine's not world peace. Kiss your loved ones. Let's get to the best of. Kiss your brother. What? I went to a funeral this past week.

weekend? Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Wait, can I show you my Nile Red impression? Sure. So we've met one time, but I get your shorts on my timeline a lot.

So it feels like we've met a million times. And I've been working on a little Nile Red. He's actually most of the millions of views you. So I wanted to make a Red Bull, but my balls were in the way. So I had to push my balls out of the way so I could drink the Red Bull. But it turns out. I need more phosphate to put it into the Red Bull so that it tastes better. How is that?

I've never seen one of your videos, man. Is that how is that what it's like? If you take an aisle red video and you just put that whole audio over it, two million views. I would say four on ten. Four? First off, I've dug through the drawers 70 times. She doesn't have a single underwear drawer.

It just doesn't make sense. Like, she must be going. commando every day. It's only ball gowns and dresses. And if her clothes are here, then clearly they're not sleeping in the same room. And that's bad. You know, you know, I have endless respect for you in your opinions because you have such a good. You have such a good read on situations most of the time. You mean that? But I think there could be another explanation for this. They don't hang out on one that much anymore. Dude, how are you making your eyes to that? Do you mean that? It's called acting.

Leonis acting. I can call. Is this a legend? I'll call fit. No. Do you call it. FaceBang. You calling face B.

Oh, fuck, it's Lacey. Shit. Yeah. No, no, no. shit. It's feeding time. He's really bad. He actually lost a lot of fucking weight and he looks good. He does look. I'm jealous. He weighs less than you, bro.

Oh, man. All right, I was like, look. This is Lacey? Lacey, you know they got plants versus zombies on the iPads at Olive Garden? Uh, so is day one of Disney week or day two now. Okay, I'll poop. It is? What?

I'm going to call. It's probably slime. It's slime. It's a FaceTime? Hey man. I'm gonna be on the show. Put me in your seat. Uh, how do you know I'm in your seat? Because you're sitting in.

But you were so ready to say it, okay. It's a red, it's a red seat, so. We're not gonna reply to you because no one can hear you. Nobody can hear you, man. This is what lemonade stands gonna be like when you moved to Sweden. Alright, try now. I'll be on little phone. Hey, General, welcome to the yard.

Welcome back. Welcome back. the yard. Welcome back to the yard. We were already here. Yeah, we already were here. Yeah, we're gonna say welcome back. So I think the answer is ten times. 10 times. So tend to the reason. What's wrong with 20? I feel like that's like a healthy that's too many because you gotta break it down. You're going now twice a month. You're going. He still wants to know about Disney week. Well, so I went to Disney and I posted about it on Instagram. Yeah. And uh, you know, it's with all of

Cutie's nieces and nephews. And they know what I do, right? They know my job. Yeah. But they're not a lot of watch me. They only watch, like, a few YouTube channels. Because it's a little more, too mature. Yeah.

A little. So the only channels are a lot of watch is Mr. Beasts. Sorry. Are you okay? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. You said no first. Did you mean no, or did you... It hurts.

Okay. It hurts. I'm sure you'll be fine. They're last to watch Mr. Beasts. I go in there. And what do I find? massive Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Motherfucker.

So I know it's not slimes, which it usually is. And it is filled with mold up the sides. Oh, it is, ew, yuck. I love what it's not me. I found it in the secret little cubby over here. Oh, no way. And they put it in there? Yeah, somebody put it in there.

Gross. Can you believe it? Gross. Can you effing believe it? So it was a little ran through. What do you think if we finally got did it? What should we do to that guy? I mean god damn is he sorry um i probably probably not really actually i haven't heard him

apologize in a long time so mad but we've probably give him off the fucking warning otherwise it's such a bad example oh just a warning i guess yeah yeah what if we don't though we don't what we do to him yeah what if we make an example of his cuck yeah i bet he's got a small dick too we can crucify him no we can crucify him we're gonna put him on a cross and see his tiny cock and it's too religious maybe gets everyone a coffee something monetary he might be able to handle it monetary but then spiritually still he doesn't have to pay for anything jerk him off we have to jerk them off that's a punishment probably wouldn't like it it allows you to be more loose and be yourself

oh sorry you're okay I think friends you've been debated and just because The sponsor one was really good taking all the like common sponsorship stuff or stuff you've been asked to like plug for and then just reviewing them instead It all started there. So he's got a good list. Is there a YouTube sponsored robot for throat fucking? What are you asking? I didn't get grades in school. I was fucking the lunch lady You know you weren't and I've told this before on the pod my friend fucked the lunch lady after we graduate To be clear, you weren't getting grades? Nah, I didn't get a single grade in high school. I was just, fuck, I was bagging that whole thing.

It was weird actually. I was saying, give me the fucking person slice. Perfect attendance record. Every day. He's there every day? 50th time, I was like, I don't know if this is morally correct anymore. Does it feel, right? I'm going to the lunch line again.

Boys, I'll see you in a minute. Yeah, and I grabbed a chocolate milk. Dude, he's gonna break more shit on his bones. Dude, you're gonna show up to basketball with the broken wrist. Okay, my bad. Shut up. You're doing really good today. Fuck!

Came to the meeting late. You can answer my questions. Take that one. Yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

How funny would it be if we actually had a child pageant during it? That wouldn't be funny if you actually did it. Once we really do it, that's when this becomes tough. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What if it's a normal pageant, but we call them children? That was the initial. you're just going back to the idea it's just it's like an infinite well the concert is real it is happening it is to raise money for people affected by the

fires that happened in LA it's gonna happen this weekend what that's right I just feel like you son of a bitch the fires happen there's a bunch of kids who can't go back to school right now what are they doing what are they doing you know what they could be doing displaying their talents guys we are not gonna raise any money this is like all the normies who are we're gonna find out of our fundraiser are gonna see this clip with no context of us or anything and they're gonna be like,

I'm not giving these guys money, they're fucking pedophiles. You have three options. Obviously. If you can, what if we made a song about how we're not pedophiles? Three things, if you can, open your wallets. If you can't just spread the word.

Spread the words, right? And if you- Open your mouth. And if you- This is just, this is wrong. This is a bad call. Right? This is wrong. Tell people, open your mouth. for us.

I want to be your boy. Oh! Wait, top second! Get the fuck out right now. Get the fuck out and fuck that. I made an Instagram post for the first time in almost like three years. And I made the post just a nice picture of me in Sweden.

Every single comment is about how, how am I happy that I return to my white paradise? He walks gross and crass. What is that? I'm saying he hits it front back however you want you saying he crimpos I'm saying like he needs it like mark yes I'm saying he needs it like cucko's fucking innies and out when's the last time Cicuno raw cream pie somebody okay Jesus Christ man not for us to know I don't think he's telling me that he lives at crash life and what's more crass than cream I mean yeah I do want to know

I wouldn't say I wouldn't say it I wouldn't say but I can be the mouthpiece for now that's out I am curious I was telling you this this week oh jesus this is it's not even a good impression it's not even good it's like it's like Elmo or Mickey you know it's like a little bit the only his laughing is because he doesn't know what he sounds like in his mind he genuinely sounds like nix impression you stay on your back i'll get a towel I said someone to love that it's the hardest I've made him laugh in a while while he was playing Lee on New Year's and I was imitating the the three minute how to play characters in League of Legends guy and I was like why play with your cock and balls

well the balls can be tickled which is a great engage but the cock is not very long Celebrities of Living Austin, oh, perfect. Johnny Depp, uh, Miley Cyrus, Drake. This is just wrong. This is wrong, right? Yeah, for sure. It's like incredibly wrong. Well, it's- I think it's just a fucking article to spam clicks, probably.

By the way, guys. Whoa! What? What? There's no way! Wait. That's crazy. No, he did that.

You did? That's correct. So on one side you have like pure physics, the other side's chemistry, and then there's physical chemistry. chemistry and it's like I do more on the chemistry side I game out with you with a physics question but but it could be physical chemistry is what you're talking about and that's that's different mom that's good that's good so I understand the misunderstanding I'm me and I already gonna make a new type of weapon we're gonna make a new type of chemical we're gonna make you drink it what

could that be Oh my god, who is it? It's Catchy the Clown! Yay! Yay! Yeah! Wow! Wow, Catchy!

His nose is even bigger in person! And his hair is the same as it usually is. And his white, white skin is only done with makeup is the only way you could get at that white and pale. Oh! Viva al-Qaeda. Oh, I got... I got someone to tell you guys. what is it what is it I went to the dermatologist this morning to get the whole thing checked out you know yeah and it's not looking good you know you

guys won well how about you show us let's see what the hair doctor said show us with a hair show us I think he might have been wrong don't know no don't And I order, I asked the person behind the counter, what's the best bagel. And they were like, oh, get the bacon, egg and cheese. Classic, New York Classic. I'm like, great. I ordered it. It was dog shit.

Whoa. It was dog shit. I don't actually think there's a good bagel in New York. Yeah, I got a fucking bagel for you right here. You got a fucking bagel for you right here. Hey, fuck you. Is that a hole? Do you want me to fuck a hole?

I got a fucking bagel hole right here. I got a fucking bagel. I got everything right here. You want locks? I got locks right. I got locks, I got fucking, I got a butthole. I'm Boston now. Yeah, we've kind of shifted.

Boston, PD, I have a butthole where my penis should be. This is your graduation? This is my graduation. Wow. Okay. I'm ready. Can I really just forget that F-Sene's a pedophile? Yeah, I brought me off the track, me off the track, me off the track.

I'm on the beat. Who is the worst? So. That's it! Huh? You guys are in the wrong neighborhood. You get the fuck out of here, bro. I'm dead ass.

All right, man. I'm sorry, bro. Yeah, I get the fuck out of this neighborhood, bro. I'm so gross. I'm dead ass, bro. No, yeah, you cool. We gotta go, bro. We gotta fucking go, get the fuck out of here, bro.

Do you hate your parents? No, I don't. I'm like not super close to them. You, I feel like you talk shit on them every day. Do they know what you do? No. Isn't that weird? They don't know what you do?

No, I don't tell them. Because I think it's embarrassing. What do they think you do? Well, my dad doesn't ask. I don't, I don't know. But my mom, every time I call her, she, like, practically begs me to tell her, and I just, like threatened to hang up because she's like so desperate for me to call her

you can't see the sentence my mom is so desperate for me to call her because I haven't seen her since 2019 and she's like oh you have to visit where where where she live I she's like almost homeless or something I don't know she's like out and about okay so what's something you learned way too late like you were like I should have known this a long time we're way too late and way too early I don't know it's actually a really good question I mean, fuck, bro. And when I moved to New York, I remember I genuinely thought mayo and mayonnaise were two different condiments. No, no, no, no, do not laugh.

Hallie Barry's like, you missed your shot. He's like, yeah, where you're fucking up my chi? And I'm like, that's so cool. That's so cool. 2001 was so sick. Yeah. There were some low lights. Yeah, there was.

Master of disguise. Yeah. I almost think drugs take too. No, I think it sucks. I wish I had your beard. It's a mid beard. I have a mid beard. Your beard is fine.

That fell hurtful. You have a midbeard. You have a mid beard. What the fuck are you piping it up for? I have the lowest tier. I have a low tier beard. Yeah, your beer's so bad you shouldn't enter the conversation. What are you talking about?

Actually, I did a stand-up joke recently. about him let me think I'd love to hear it wait I think I can't remember if I lead into it oh okay should I tell you yeah did you guys hear about Luigi Mangione I did yeah yeah yeah that way I don't do that sorry okay sorry I'll do anything did you guys hear about Luigi Mangione mm-hmm it killed a CEO so that's the joke is like you already know that I think I'm gonna say we've gotten is we've gotten all the greatest minds together and we've discovered the full-proof way your girlfriend can't be

mad at you anymore no matter what you've done you can even cheat on her. You could cheat it. You could cheat out of her. I wish I won't do. It only works once in that case. Well you can run it again. You can run that shit twice. Fuck it. You ready? Yeah, yeah. Do you have a coffee this time? No, I'm not in the method to be honest. I think it might still work

with the coffee? To be honest. Let's test it out. Let's test it out. I think it might still work with a coffee. I'm so. Okay. Because it's that good? So I opened the door, coffee first still. And you see it, you see it, you see it. And then I come in and I go, what if I had a pussy? And I'm doing this.

I don't know if I'm watching that. You guys, think it out. What about your guy slime? Your best friend slime's playing right now. You could say he's sort of my friend too kind of a weird way. Like he thinks about me a lot. Anyway. He knows

He knows Dude, don't go to school tomorrow That's so awesome Dude, you're telling he's usually snatched But look, there's no abs there bro Oh, it's tight, touch it It was tight, bro See, this is the stretch you now

Oh my You look at I I've never seen that That's cool You literally look Spanish Oh Dude, you literally look fattish

I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. Oh my God. What are you going to name it? Life is beautiful, bro. What are you going to name her? Oh, I kicked me.

Oh my God. Guys, please. But on the way to the courthouse, I was thinking about that song by Sabrina Carpenter. Did you watch the video I put in the group chat? No, of course not. Yeah, I did. What is it? Pause.

With the video where he's singing like, Like, leg my pussy. I mean You watch it Like that That one You watch it I watch literally

The entire You think I don't fucking watch that shit You think I don't I'm not on game like that She's like My honeybee Come and get this pollen

And it's like She's literally She's talking about Like her pussy Yeah So I was like What if this song Was just about that

And so I was like Singing in my car And recording it Just like Too bad I don't do it for you My pussy is the pollen get the pussy juice from my pussy it was very crass in 30 seconds and I

played it in front of QD and Maya and it and it never got better Nick has been saying that he had the best nachos of his entire life where do you think I had him somewhere like is this gonna be like that time is like the best burger I've ever had and it's like in LAX it's like that it is like that was it at LAX again No, no. They went two for two. No. Dude, we were roasting.

Dude, that place is a mat. That burger place in LAX is a magical place. I'm at Anders home there. That's cool. That's like the most magical place ever. That's cool. I'll give you that. The best burger and me awesome celebrities.

Where's this notcha from? Don't deviate. At the regal theater. You believe that shit? Dude, they were so... Dude, good. Oh! Oh!

Do the camera fell. See the camera fell. Oh! That's really funny. Okay. Hold this. There you go. It's okay.

We can still salvage. Salmage. Get it off his fingers. Eat it off his fingers. Dude. Why did that happen? It just didn't suck hard enough. Thanks for hanging out.

Again, please. I swear to God, if you go to a regal and try the naches, we want to hear what you think, because it's divided us like, it's the most devices thing we ever ever dealt with. Hold the shot right there. It's a good shot. It's a bad shot. We're going to close on this shot. Close it out.

Close it out, Aiden. All right, thanks for, thanks for joining us in the back of the car at Regal Cinema. And you can get nachos just like us if you head on over there. So we'll see you next on the yard tickle challenge. On the super, the yard tickle challenge, we'll come to your house and tickley

and we'll give you some nacho cheese. I just realized Michael's Thorne. Yeah? Yeah. Michael's Thorne is while we are riding, he does this thing sometimes. We'll go, ah! And then stop communicating.

Dude, that's crazy. And he's behind you, right? He's behind me, and then I'm like... That is fucked up. And then I'll be like, Michael, and be like, yeah, what's up? Do they still use the rainbow flag? What's the hell does that even mean? Like, do Japanese people still consider the rainbow flag?

It's just a circle of the rainbow in the middle of a white flag. Right. Does they still, like, is it... They have one of the largest gay communities in all of Asia. I'm saying they don't. I'm saying how do they represent that with a symbolic flag? It is about... the size of this warehouse is so small relative to like west hollywood uh yeah they still

have the rainbow flag the pride flag and there is there like a kanji on it no no i feel like it's confusing which there's no kanji is japanese what is the gay kanji what's the gay kanji that they put on the flag they don't have they don't need fucking mario luigi kissing he's not freaking Pikachu yeah okay am i it's you whatashiwa and then gay kanji des you know which one goes there you there's no congy on the fish just the pride flag you're telling me there's no flags are universal it's not like we have the American flag they have like where's the sign for America how did it that's not right no lovely would you rather bring back every single extinct animal but there's no

other option we other option give the other option why you want that whatever the other option is I'll say yeah you don't want to engage what was the second one well it's pretty cool so I'm mad because I feel but the second one was, or get an equal amount of new animals. Yeah, give me the new ones, fuck the old ones. Why? They died for a reason. What? God didn't love. You don't wanna see a fucking velociraptor?

God didn't love a lobster, but that's why he sent the meteor. That's a fact. Yeah, that's a fact. Dude, that thing, God was governing dinosaurs. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Do you think he liked it better? I don't know. Because he had dinosaurs.

That's awesome deleting your old YouTube videos. H.R. comes to basketball and he goes, he goes, yeah, I watched slime. He said he was going to be nicer today. And then he just kept calling everyone's sister fuckers. I said that like twice. Also I said I was going to be nicer to chat. This is what you also weren't though. I was way nicer than I was the day before. Terrorist downgradation. Terrorist downgrades to pedophiles. Shiorg, you do anything from the mission. You suck it back. How does this work, Dave?

I've been playing this game a long time, Georg. I've been playing this game longer than some of you have been alive, actually. And this, I'm about to say a sentence that I've never said before. Let's roll for a blow job, George. Oh my God. Are you still outside the gates? Is it, is it, or is it acrobatics, George? Surely it's with advantage, no?

Oh, it's about to be. be yeah I have plus four to athletic so this is gonna be insane for this guy you're gonna learn something about yourself York the way I do blow jobs I roll survival I have advantage you said let's go this guy is getting this oh my god he's getting the slothron 201 he's getting the slothron 201 Oh, you're cupping the balls. You are to hear out of this tent, oh.

I cut to outside the tent. Stop, stop, don't keep doing it. Oh, my God, I don't love you. You cut outside the tent. It's me talking to Calum. It's like fucking quiet, windy. I'm like cold. I'm on a crop top.

So your dad cool or? Right. speed limit 35 like slime's age I just watch the ice age good movie but now I'm gonna watch a Scooby-Doo movie that shit is groovy that's what that dude says with a blonde hair I can't remember his name I can't I don't know where we're driving but I hope it isn't another fast food restaurant I hope I don't get taunted when I play melee and May Day it's May Day I'm in the war I need a girl who's like a four I'm not very greedy I need a bitch who isn't very needy and uh I'ma pass the mic over to Ludwig he's a stinky too but don't make fun of the kid because he's kind of sensitive uh I got lots of relatives and they got a bends and kids and they got to go to the market I get a car skirt I pull up then I park it and I bark it like Chuckie and Mike pass the mic to Lucky Ludwig yeah my boy Nick I remember when I nutting you people say that I'm multicultural

French American even Indian okay a night with me is like a Sibian oh what at the restaurant I order mega Lucy my whole fear boom pyramid is pussy yeah I learned how to eat box from professor Sanat that stream are you come on don't say some feel like that he was teaching the course say something that when proff Sanat did the eating box stream dude stop it you guys are gross He spent so much money on it respect his work It's education man You gotta stop being so sensitive to like

The human body anatomy section Dude Kai was like a Those like cutouts of like a polyurethane Like legs but with a pussy And just like showing Dude Eyo Hey yo

He smells so bad Jack He's like pennies Chapes like pennies Hey-ya! Ted! Oh! Phantom tax...

Dude, Phantom taxes the... Pussy. He's like a bastard. Dude. Oh. Lizzie was wrong, but it's now time for Aiden, the reincarnation. He is a pedophile.

He's a pedophile. Aidan's a pedophile. Aidan's a pedophile. Stand up. If you like lemonade, he's the petiole of the game. So there's all day. I'm there with my sister. She's like, your bed is so rock clouds.

She was sleeping in your bed, Ludwig? Huh? She was sleeping in your bed? No, she's talking about our beds. What do you're playing? Favorite vape flavor? Coca-Cola. Whoa.

Do you like the soda too? Yes. Do you drink the soda a lot? Yes. Do you like it more than Coke zero? No, Coke zero is the one. Yeah, do you pour it into a glass with ice or do you know from the can from the can is the can cold? Yes. Out of the fridge cold or like out of like a cooler at a soccer game cold? Bridge. Oh my God. This is all important. You can go to the health app if you're on your phone. It'll tell you your your average steps. Uh, and Liam over the past seven days average three thousand steps. That's great. It's great. It's not, it's not. Three thousand over seven days. Like three thousand average. Oh, every day. Yeah. Yeah. Fine. It's fine. It's not. How is that not? Isn't that good? Well, let's keep going. This year, uh, 2000. Okay. Um, last year, uh, 1700, um, 20, 21, how bad is? 300. No way. Dude, that is it can't be true. Three digits. That's just your house. That's the square footage of your house. It didn't go outside.

Sorry, it gets worse. It might be a square footage of your bedroom. If you go from March of 2020, the start of COVID to February of 2021, he is averaging 140 steps. Bro, holy shit. What? What? He wasn't depressed.

I wasn't depressed. Oh my God, yeah. I have like 85. Yeah. Yeah. When I do the laundry, I use the detergent. Jeffrey Epstein was neurodivergent. He didn't know what he was doing.

Yeah. And now I'm driving through with my friends in the ruins. We're in Egypt. How do we get here? I need a damn duff beer. I'm Homer Simpson. Don't. Yo, you guys hear, but you don't listen.

Man, oh my God. Keep going down. There's going to be a chart somewhere. All right. So black is S&M. Oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

Pause. Snoop Dog. Circa 2,000 what, uh, fucking eight. I keep a blue flag hanging on the back side, only on the left side. Yeah, that's the Cripside. Looking at this graph, Snoop Dogg was looking for anal sex.

Snoop Dogg from the album, Doggy style. Wow. And I rest my case. And I rest my case. Liberals fucking kill yourselves. I am a big executive at music. Um, dot com and you are supposed to to sell this as a duo yeah um to me and three to one I have a cowboy hat

oh my god Jesus dude that was my door yeah that's all right they let me in a damn front that lady was very nice off the hinges yeah I'll go and fix that but I got something to show you you're a big a big wick record exec aren't you I'm I'm I work for music.com yes like you work from music dot com well I own and created music dot com I have the act of a century for you, I think these young gentlemen. Oh my God, where do they even come from? I'm love. This is Jiz. Together we are. Love Jiz.

Love Jiz. Is that the name of the group? That's the name of our group, yes, sir. And I'm gonna let you know, what these boys are about to bring to you is about to blow your lid off. And I want you to answer yes or no as soon as the song's over,

whether or not you sign them for a seven record deal. Boys, are you ready? We're ready. This song is about a magical place. It's about Jesus' hometown. And boys, don't waste my time. Ready?

What? Two, three, four, we went home two weeks ago. I saw them across the room. There he was, his red hair slightly shorter than usual. Supple lips, supple eyes. That boy is 14 years old. And sing to me, Nicholas, sing to me. I've come home for you.

We're gonna kill a guy named Nick today. We're gonna smash his bones and then bury him in a grade. We're gonna kill a guy named Nick today. We're gonna smash his bones and fuck his mother. Oh. This felt like it turned into a violent direction. The pilot direction. Does Corwin teach?

Could he teach someone? Could he teach me to fly? Could he teach us to fly? Yeah, let's fly. Can I fly with him? You just keep asking it. I can't. I want to go.

The more we go here, the less serious, I think you are. Because I actually thought you were serious. Can I be your copi? No. Why? Let him be your CP. I'm, first off. There's CP on the plane.

Usually there has to be. There has to be CP on the plane. You can't take off without. You do, you just wouldn't want it to be one man. You would want the man to be flanked by C.P. His choice of C.P. There's no H, right? It's like, werewithal. Throw a shot. Just try it.

Spelling it. Do it like a spelling bee. Wherewithal is your word? W.E. Okay, you failed. Have you ever been in spelling me? You're supposed to say the word first. The word first. No. That's crazy. Say the word then spelled it. I mean, not in a long time. Where with all W.E. R. Do you want me using a sentence?

Let him finish it. For fuck sake. He has a fucking shit. Just pull it up. Just pull it up. Just pull it up. Can you ask if he doesn't do it? That's on him. Do you ask the country of origin? I could get to the word. I would tell the judge to kill himself if the guy was spelling and they went, do you want to know this, that. By the way. Do you want to the country of origin? No, just let him fucking spell it. Okay, sorry. Okay, please. Go ahead and spell it. Oh, really quick. Can you do it as if you were five and you have like a Well, we're fall.

Where, we're fall. Okay. C, U. C, K, because that's where I am right now. Slime creates characters of people in the office where Kelby, in some people's minds, if they've never seen him or met him, is like fucking chucky cheese. And he walks around going, buggers.

A T and D deal. Pogers. He kind of knows. And he's got thick squidward thighs in a red neck. Oh, God. And in many people's. minds that's who you can't forget about Kelbo's big arms I was in a bit this weekend in my head which was okay sorry what what the fuck do you want what do you think I do with my

time it's just a crazy start to anything I were fucking crazy shit all day and but no one says anything oh we're being hurtful today we're being hurtful you what you started this I was doing a bit in my head yeah do you not do bits in your head I mean like yeah but I've never started a sentence like that ever okay so I guess you do you were saying you know I you don't like be honest that's not what I said it's like I was like I was taking a dump today you're like we're taking a dump it's like we all take dumps it's I'm just brave okay so you're brave for this bravely doing a bit in my head where it's like right a guy who's a ventriloquist who wants to kill himself yeah that's good

it's like oh my god oh my god I'm so sad I'm going to till myself He can only communicate through the puppet and he said he's like doesn't in front of the audience is like do you ever feel like you're alone in the universe Maybe we should take like each week. It's like one of our turns to take him on a walk What is what I'm about? That's not a bad call. The crushing weight of my reality is crashing down on my brain Oh my God nothing feels like nice any nor One of the SSRIs are doing anything for my mental state. I'll do first shift.

I'll let a new Tuesdays. We can hang out this week. Don't worry. Everything that I liked detour doesn't make me feel good any nor. That's right, Ahmed. Would your co-hosts or co-host or no one be? I have no idea. I haven't thought about it. That's why.

On this gun to your head. You've got to pick now. Gun to your head. Oh my god, okay. Oh, my God. That's good. Oh, I was, I was thinking of a friend. Nope.

Historical figures. It was the first person. Yeah, I know. Right? Yeah. It's you, extra Emily, Hitler. And a young Adolf Hitler. You're trying to convince him to stop.

A podcast. I always like, come on. It's artist Hitler, buddy. The group chat called you Chomo Pete. What's that? I don't even know. I don't even know. Okay.

That's just some weird shit. That's what he said. Like Cuomo, like the energy, like political guy. That's horrible. That's what made a sick for you. Chomo Pete. Well, it's all your chomo's out there. That's the episode with Hey, thank for coming on. That was great. No, don't you stop. Hit me up in the channel. You just don't really important. From one chomo to an hour. I'll see you in like six or seven days. Okay, maybe if you're not incarcerated. Hey, we'll see y'all in the premium episode, in the Patreon. We'll see you guys on the photos episode. everybody just cheomo Pete what's chomo p what's chomo child molester I'm just saying she just shouted me out at the Oscars which is cool and I'm flattered

the last thing I would subject her to is this podcast oh I wouldn't be honest think about it I still wouldn't you love doing this podcast I famously don't don't know true I mean new people famously I don't love being here and that's true, but not on this podcast setting. You're, no. You're hurting me with that. Yeah, cheeseburger, Ogren, throws another rock at the fucking window.

Cheeseburger Ogren puts two more slices on the damn thing. I'm not. And eats it with one bite. And huffs, huffs. And huff said down. He's trying to breathe while swallowing. Cheezburger, Aubin's got osteoporosis.

He's got a cheeseburger shape in his goal as it goes down. It's like he didn't chew it. Sorry. I'm just not, I'm just not wanna have her here. Why don't you like doing the podcast? well yeah because I can already see it bro I can already see it it it's gonna be slime being like so what do you do so what's women's tennis and then and then Nick's gonna chime in being like the only 10 is my girl dude I had this exact fire what and then and then where was that the whole three years we've done this show and then Aiden's gonna be like so is it like hard to do a backhand

like when you're going into a tennis match what's your thought process thinking about doing back hands and then he would bow so um we already got it we're at a hot dog sand we got four hot dogs got four men and we're gonna see how quickly we can pound them we're gonna have to do a post timer our chief you can throw a timer on for us show these are regulation dogs and we're not doing a water strap two one go way longer than it though oh my god i have about 29 seconds you're not done dude i didn't even have water i ran the shit dry well i'm catching up a lot what i realize is your throat muscles start to give out i just don't have strong

like if i'm eating like this for a long time it'll probably you're still not done i'm so sorry joey joey joey i'm so sorry well it just Turns out it's harder than we thought. Okay. Okay. Do you revise your opinion at all? On the debate. Dude. I think I stand strong.

No. I think I'm the fuck up. I was like almost 30. I was like a minute and a half. I was 29. The top two teams were both from our group. Like the finals was the two people we played against. Now why'd you do that, Ludwig?

And why'd you get your pants from the Green Hill zone? Okay. This is what we're just gonna get AppleCare and then get a cheaper replacement so covers the cost of Apple care I mean you can still walk someone down let's walk him down with a oozy it was buy a mini Uzi why do we so and then ask them to replace it like I want one iPhone Hey now I walk in on the clown and you can kind of see if I am still but the paint helps a little and I'm like I want one iPhone but I'm fucking killing everybody

like everyone's fucking laid out I'm like I just someone to get me one iPhone everyone's fucking dead yeah like an iPhone like s e like tiny like this'll do and it's locked to a carrier yeah you want to see my balls do you guys want to see my ball I don't care I'm not voted I saw your balls this way over an hour recently so anyway this this theory comes because slime has called everyone's balls big and we were all like I don't think we have that big balls. I don't like the way you're digging in there. I don't want my penis.

He called my balls big. He called Aiden's balls big. And we think he actually says tiny balls. That was so violent. Oh, I saw your penis. Wait, where are they? Pull them out. Just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I feel like you're digging them out of a cookie jar. And you can't get them out. Dude, your balls are fine. Dude, they're tiny. They're tiny. They're fine. No, they're tiny.

They're abnormal. They're abnormal. They're tiny, bro. They're kind of big. I'm looking at. They didn't even move. They didn't even move. They didn't even move.

You try to change. They move. They're static. If I wake up and have a terrible hair day, I will, like, it'll determine whether or not I'm, like, late. What happened today? Really? What happened? Give it a me, me, me, bit, me, bittam.

Thorn is being 30. Oh, they reminded you, huh? And fat. Oh, they reminded you, huh? I said, actually, I guess my weight. She said 250. I said, I said, ah, down a little. She goes, 2.20.

Like she refuses to believe it's under two. And I go, and I go, let's start with a different digit. And she goes, no. This is goaded. It's goaded. This is goaded. They made a crazy candy and you'll never taste it. This is good.

Digest the system can tank it. No! Aiden! No! No! He's going to throw up in the helmet. Oh my God. Wait.

Yum. Spit it out. Spit it out. Oh my God. Spit it out. Oh, God. I am a tuttee and I'm a tuttee and I'm a tuttee and I had a donor I don't even know what you're saying I caught all of that I can't believe

what do you say I'm a puppet and I'm a boner right yeah and guess what it's all for you I got that and I want to change the name of mine I originally called it blowing New Jersey up but we you had that Seven years too. So I'm gonna call it the knock there on totin bass freestyle. I like that. I like that And the title the title's in tricky. Let's get into it. you paid like eight hundred dollars for a puppy and has puffers. Yeah guys. Disgusting. What do we come on? I'm so genuinely glad I ignored everything you just said like and I mean that's so sincerely like what are we doing here if not excited at the idea of talking about that about puffer nipples?

Not just any puffer nipples dog look at a designer corgi with eight puffers eight pepperones and you got throw it in the pool and all the other dogs laugh at it because it has a paddle around a shirt in the pool. We're a dog shirt in the pool. You know what? I realized about you guys. What did you realize? What did you realize?

I realize you guys are real comfortable joking about animals. Okay. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Because you don't own one. I got. I had pets growing up.

That don't count. Why not? I think you would talk less about fucking animals if you had one. Yeah. I think you would. I talk less and do more. That's for sure. Yeah, well, I think I lash out all the time.

Because you don't have a pet. Because I don't have a lapidore to go home and suck my dick. I don't think I know his middle name. Do you know Jimmy? I don't think it's Jimmy Jimmy. It's Mr. Jimmy Beast. If I write a text to him, will you send it? I would send any text you want, yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Do you want to think of one? Yeah. What's your middle name? Do you want to text to Mr. Lee's, what's your middle name? Um, you're going to spend your text to him. actually wait maybe if you just have one I'll think of something else okay did you tweet yours so then I can text mr. beast my friend slime betrayed me today yes you can yes we give him the phone and let him say that yes but what and what's your

middle name I just said hey bro and then after he replies to that say can I'll say can I ask you something okay so it's a lot okay so you're playing it's a hook Yeah, then whenever he replies. It's a hook. Can I ask you something? I've been betrayed today. I don't know if this was what you expected. He did reply.

Mr. Beasted? Yes. He said no. Oh, um, okay. I'll say it's actually important. Okay. It's actually important. And say, um, I'm nervous. I'm nervous.

I'm nervous. He said, I'm on a call, but text me. Uh, okay. Okay. Well, actually, you don't have to say, okay. I'm trying to think of what. Oh, sure, sure. To say, say, you've really set up here where he, he's like maybe a little, like, what the

fuck, he's on edge. So do you want to call him instead? No, no, no. He said, he's on a call. So I have to text him. You could say it's very important. Can I call you? And then I could stand over there and with mouth what you should say to him.

So you want. Maybe not actually. You want. You want. So despite him saying, I cannot call. You want a lot of way to push through. That would be too hard to pull off, I think. I think it's a bit, it would probably be a wait situation.

We're asking a lot of Jimmy, beep, beast. It says Jimmy has notifications silenced. Yes, he went to D&D. In the duration. That's what you could say. You could say, could you turn off to the... Could you turn off D&D? Wait, you could type in all caps.

Hello? You can try to yell past it. Well, I don't want him to seem like he's like, I want him to seem like it's going to be like a good thing there's a button that says notify anyway oh my god I just clicked it I didn't realize it it does it yeah what did you send it it was the text from previous and it says are you free now I have the text ready to go and what happens is it blasts through this do not disturb and it on the screen on the

iPhone it goes boom and oh and it takes up the screen as soon as you're done with the F4 race you're gonna be in the air with your dad no no no no I'm gonna be in the sky with him oh and he's gonna be life like this sure is sweet huh and I'll be like yeah can I call you dad now and be like yeah you're the son I always wanted I wasn't straight son that I've always wanted I think what's that shiny he has two other son's two other son yeah but he always wanted you think you would be the best of the four of us yeah and not not at fortnight but yeah Eam is pretty good talk that shit about

right now he's pretty good he's pretty so polite and nice but I think he's always one of the son that can fly. Yeah, true. He's only, he grew. You know what I know what sucks? He wouldn't be you. Of course. Does not every bird want their young chick to fly? The nest. You know what I do? I fly in the passenger seat. He had three chicks. He pushed off the nest that fell to the fucking earth. One while falling said, I'm gay. I'm gay. We're gonna try to tie its legs together. These legs. The crab. Which was? It's got four. You attacked. Maybe six. Six, right? Six legs? Oh, it depends if you can't the claws as legs.

Oh, claws, legs? This is a philosophical discussion it is. If you can probably use him to move around, or you consider it legs? If a moral fours, does Mars become fucking legs? I think if you're moving that way, then it would be legs. It would depend on the speed with the legs. Oh, right, right, right, right. I think it's eight, because it's got six legs and two claws.

officially not acting on their own they are my either under my command so I shut up shut up we are just go take the chain from the anchor and run and try to wrap around its legs which like what would your genie wish be if you got a genie the genie wish would you play the genie game let me see it is it blue jeanie i wish that you spread it with two fingers let me see it the genie is it blue and he's like that's not a wish to me. And I'm like, I know. I only get three. And this isn't even one of them. Check, check this out. Dude, dead ass. I saw

the, Jesus Christ. Oh, come on. That's fucked up. I saw the bubbles. I saw, I'm not, let me paint you a picture, patrons. I saw the bubble come up from under his gooch and hit his penis and move it and then protrude through the surface of the water. That is what I just saw. Because we had a stack that was too far away in Elo together to Q Premiere, so we just played for fun.

Okay, I'll say this. I think that does change it for me. Oh, interesting. It's interesting that you didn't have all the context. Oh, there you have. It's interesting that you did that. Did you go out of six? Dude, I have a chatter who is like

90% misrate. But, and today, so, The whole stream, he was like, can I tell you this joke about 12 angry men that I read online? And I ignored it for two and a half hours, right? Is he spamming it? Yeah, like, probably once every like five minutes. Oh, my gosh.

Because if he's that deep of a chatter, he knows when I was looking at chat and he's tight-out time. This is me and Nate shots chat that one time. And then everybody started copy-pacing my like, will you play ballroom message with me? Did you, do you have patience for that at the, they spam the same thing? We're working together. A little bit. What was the joke?

Well, here's, so he spammed that for two and a half hours. And he saw that it wasn't getting the attention. And then I just out of nowhere, he said, real quick before I send this dick pick, should I put it in a hot dog bun? And then I said, you know what? That's gold. And I said, that's so good. Why don't you tell your 12 angry men joke?

Yeah, he got in the door. Yeah. And then he said, I heard they're making a remake of 12 angry men with an all woman cast. It's called 12 women. All right, you can play mine zipper. they had a bidet installed and I was like oh shit a bidet let me try it out I never I never used one so I sat that on the toilet and it was full pressure and it shot straight up my asshole so I fell forward all my knees off the toilet

and then it continued to spray on my back because it took me by such surprise and from that day I have been extremely it's sprayed on your back. I got back shots from a Twitter. I didn't go get a towel for you at least. I want you to dream with me. It's like my whole family's dead. It's just me and my dog at the end of the candy war.

Okay. You're right around the candy war? He listened. And I use my last Reese's cup on my balls. So you're saying like I am legend, but it's just Will Smith getting his dick sucked? No, no, no. I couldn't even bring a German show. My digs are getting sucked.

He's licking my balls. Why are you differentiating? When it's checking if the dog's dead? He's like, come on, boy. Come on. One more lick. He's dangling his balls in front of his nose. His nose is dry.

The dog wakes up like smelling salts. I went up to her after the Roggathon. She wanted to shave it, by the way. I was about to. And she's like, can I do it? I'm like, yeah, sure. she did it and he's all done and he's like ready to go home and I go up to her I'm like would do you if he did this for permanent like would you stay with him if

he was like this permanently she's like no before we finish this that's crazy not even if I were a worm if I just happened to go through mail and okay you are close to a worm you're the closest to a worm you'll ever be you still love me if I was a bald woman she kept doing this thing where she would like what this is she was doing it that night and the next day where she would like go up to me and she'd be like, this is my future. Oh my.

That's sweet. That is not sweet. That is not sweet. No way. Hey, hey, sit. Hey, boy. Sit, boy, sit. Sit.

Oh my God. I actually goes into my mouth. I didn't know that. Hold. Swallow. Swallow. Swallow. Follow it.

Follow your medicine. I told you we should have wrapped it in cheese. Can I just? We can't. Epic nail. Abignale! Abignale! Take it off at once!

How dare you? Come receive your lashings. Avednail sit on my lap. That's another one. That's crass. That's how we punish each other. That's how I punish my beautiful awesome daughter wife. Jedediah.

Jedediah. I think is Abner. Jedediah Abner. It's Abner. It's Abner. We have Abner. We have Vernon. We have...

A man. Abing nail? Abing nail. I'm still Ludwig. Still Ludwig. I'm still Ludwig. I'm still Ludwig. Well, fine.

I'll take up my shoes. Okay. Throw them in then. Throw in the shoes then. That's not crass. How is it crass? Abner, should I teach you everything? Can I posit all of you a question?

Please pause it. If I were to, without any context at all, send that picture of my poop to your girlfriends, can you... Do you... I got a banana clip. It's like five long and fuck. You can kneel in the matrix. Wait, what's this?

Put it in the packet punch. Comes out, it's fucking diamonds. And then I go, check insert, I come back, I get my ammo back when I'm back. Come back, reach all the weapons. Fuck this, let's get tacos.

It's taco time. Yeah, and I got here 710, which is at worst, 10 minutes late past the deadline that we last minute rescheduled. 10 is crazy. I mean, he didn't give us an ETA. I just said, where you at?

We thought it was going to be like 30. I said, sorry, I'm almost done, and then you guys didn't reply to it. What is almost done? But you didn't even reply. You didn't ask, we didn't say you were leaving. And now we're starting it at 7.40. At 7.40.

And I'm epee. And I'm EP. And we couldn't just done it at 11. We couldn't. Because I have something that you didn't know about. What? What? Were your two PA?

Not enough. to schedule it? No, you know what? Actually, let him go. Let him on. Are you done? Are you done now? He's guess what?

I got into a car accident today. Why do you think he's bandaged up? I got into a car accident and I was hit while riding my Vespa. My Vespa is no longer usable. This is all true. And that's why I had to push this because I got into a car accident. But in the future, I'll avoid it and maybe have my PAs try to schedule around my car accidents would you like that better would that be better for you I mean it

would help we can't spoil oh there's not a spoiler oh it's a fucking spoiler it's a spoiler I haven't seen Severin season two oh my god he busts down hellie shit bro I guess you have so you have seen it oh I just guess you did it's slaps your tities around and shit that's obviously seed it otherwise you wouldn't have reference no because of course he does do you if does mark asks when he goes home and he smells titty on his breath does he start to get suspicious opening his mouth at the top of the elevator just breast milk falls out of his mouth one of the one of the flashes he gets while he's

going in the elevator is just a breast in his mouth he's like what is that Mark as good going to the top of the elevator and just having so much peanut butter on his ball and he's rock getting home moment you smell like peanut butter, you're rock solid. Not happen to work today. Fuck it happened. Adam Scott. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey in bed and she's just like,

babe, I just, I don't know. It's like red fish, blue, like, what? And he's like, oh. He's like, what about, what about fish? And then he walks in, and he gets in the bed and the bed bends in. And she's like, oh, oh, and she's like, that's so good.

And she puts a little treat on his tongue. on his tongue. She's like, that's so good. And she closes his tongue for him. That's next to the bed. She pushes the tongue back in his valley and closes his jaw. Dude, when someone opens the door at Taylor Swift's housing, he goes, Arr-R-R-R-R-A-R-Hoo.

And the house cleaners come? Oh my God, Trevor's down, oh my God! Oh my God! He's so sorry, he's not usually like this. He's a rescue. He's not usually like this. He's a rescue. Do you have cats at home, maybe?

And she takes a tree. And sometimes he goes and he goes and he just, kind of sits and just oh my god good boy that's that is what I'm more interested I'm not for that I don't give a fuck about the Chiefs I could not care less about the cheese I'm having an awful season I hope they don't make playoffs the son had Travis Kelsey on his stream man was fuck yeah he made him wear this fucking necklace poor guy hey hey corner you could tell he was you could tell he was uncomfortable he should have him like a comfy chair if

He's gonna have him, if he's gonna parade him. Troutes, he's curled up at Taylor's upstream. She's just looking at fucking pictures of Gaza. He's like, he's like, where's that? He's chewing on a boo that he's... I don't know, I buy him toys. He prefers the shoe. I was at a coffee shop and, uh... Oh, is it this morning?

No, no, no. Why are you saying that? Oh, but you couldn't resist. You couldn't resist. Are you saying this? I'm at 932. Oh my God. I'm not allowed.

You're a pathetic worm. You're a pathetic worm. I'm not allowed to say that. You're grasping on to the small amount of sand you could hold on to, you pathetic worm, bro. I'm walking at 9302 I walk in. Because out of Africa, can the garden of Eden. This will help this time.

This broke your rule. You broke it. I didn't break a fucking rule. You were not allowed to fucking say shit about me being late Until the end of the year. This is saying shit Yes, it is. It literally is against the spirit of the rule. You said it and you immediately said I'm not allowed to say that I acknowledge you just did that I did that yes So you acknowledge that you broke the rule. What's my punishment then? Oh, level? What do you eat your calm? I guess you want to blow you? You're gonna blow you and swallow your fucking jays in front of your everyone including our friends and everyone on the show watching the show you're gonna have the show you want me you're gonna fucking swallow you on the show the camera first what you want me to show the camera

you don't put my tongue out and he's fucking pet i don't like to show the I guess you fucking want that no I don't want this the ring light on the camera you see it clearly I don't want that you want what I'm saying no why is your ring light I don't want to lose you what was your question Abingdale Abingdale just wanted to remember her father's name it's Abner and you've gone on punished for long enough I was playing CS2 why do you always want to punish me and why is it always involved sitting on your lap because you said a swear and the lap is

where punishment happens it's his big lap Ludwig, mother. Yes. Mother can punish you as she pleases. Mother Ludwig. Fine. Take care of him. He's untake careable.

Dad's... There's no lap big enough to punish him. You know what I say? I sit in the lap of the Lord. He can't punish me because his lap's not big enough for me. I sit on the Lord's Jesus' lap. Is that why you've gotten so fat, Mother? Yes.

To avoid the lap. Attacked people by stretching. Yeah, he would make him shorter by chopping them off or stretching him to make him six. him to make him six the cereal jelker nice he jelks you he jukes you and in your sleep and you wake up with you wake up oh is it joking if someone else doesn't he makes a potion from yeah it is good okay there should be like a tooth fairy but for like fables of people who come in their sleep what is the tooth fairy deliver to you come no I'm saying like you have an alternate that comes in the middle

of the night the chapter is just looking a barcode right now is it's just Our brains are still fried from the other day. No tangible, followable story. Well, okay, the tooth fairy arrives when you sleep, steals your teeth, keeps them for herself. You need like some Icelandic or Nordic name. So is this like a Nordic tooth fairy that comes in the middle of the night and sucks you off?

Yeah, grint too slow. And he'd come and suck you dry. He wouldn't suck you dry, actually, he would leave it all over you. Donalty clapped. You can fucking call, I think, Travis Kelsey's stone cold dumb ass.

dumb ass I think you're conflating I'm okay with that that with how I actually feel about all the Taylor Swift stuff he's somewhere trying to pick up a piece of paper with a sticky hand right now Ben it doesn't work he's got a tongue out like this he's got a pinwheel at he got big colorful overalls like kid and play he's fall fine with me so so what he hits his head can we turn miss Rachel back on he hits his head on the table and looks around at the adults to see if it if it's bad and if he should cry.

He doesn't on the football field too. He's sitting down after a huge hit that actually does it. They all clap and say, yay, so he gets back up happy. Amish people can't say that, it's crass. They can't say, they can't say, I will say it then. Can't say pedified. Whoa! No, it's quote.

Abagnale, don't quote mother just so you can say crass words. But mother leads the way. Mother does need the way. Mother sets the example. Father Abner leads the way. Wow. Oh, Jesus. and all roads lead to his lap.

For punishment. All roads lead to Father Abner's lap. They're gonna make a Netflix documentary about Father Abner because he is problematic. Not problematic, I just run a tight ship. Unless it's my son. My son Vernon. Your son seems to get away with a lot.

It's Rum Spring. All you do is like Counterstrike. It's Rum Spring. It's a little covered in tattoos. Your son's covered in tats. No arms involved. What are you gonna come home? When are you gonna come home from Rum Spring?

Never. I've been in has been terrible. Like my, what? Is this true? Yes. You always, the thing is he's always talking about his neighbors. Oh my God, I want to actually murder my neighbors. I want to kill them. What's the beef? They, I think they're morbidly obese because I don't understand how they can, like my upstairs neighbors. I don't know how they can stop so loud. Like, like, oh, so they're being loud. Yeah. Wow. Wait, you think. I mean, I thought you're the guy who's like, you know, talking that full volume in his room. No, you can't hear like voices. But the vibrations from the steps I can hear so I will like get my broom and bash oh

you're doing the broom thing damn that's like that's like some six-year-old person text me and adapt were trying to think of things that fell off that's actually I thought that was one of them quieting down the upstairs with a broom I thought that had fell it off but apparently it hasn't and then they stomped back like a bunch of children and then like I had like this rubber mallet that I like hit the ceiling with and I marked it like 200 times and it would you're losing your deposit no but I painted it and I like streamed it so it was content oh my god you're genius color matched it wrong you're an idiot does the Pope have a family and a child no it is dumb

sworn celibus no no sex no if you're Catholic priest you're you can't do you think that's a lie do you think that he beat famously a lot of them lied yeah this is gonna blow your mind even adults dude boy love did not do that what don't do you don't dad I'm not gonna hashtag yeah I think that's bad oh you like it well now I know it's wrong with it but what's wrong cops stop boy love Boston cops stop boy love that featuring Mark ruffalo yeah it wasn't even the cops it was the goddamn reporters the true the crew cops of the way they they might have snuffed it out but who got there at the end

was fucking Boston P.D. Boston PD. Boston PD, get that child out of your mouth. You look at Pam and Jim playing around. When he's like grabbing her from behind like you like you do. Oh yeah. You mean from the show. You don't mean like it.

I don't know it was like a like a behind the scenes. No. No, they were ripping the Pedro Pascal. Oh dude. He was on her shirt up and looking at her tummy. I know. No. That's crazy.

No. Let me give that tummy a kid. got his fucking arm. Jay was crazy for that. If I was Roy, that, I'd kill myself or I killed him. Well, no, you kill him and then you kill yourself. No, I'm going with I kill myself then him. I kill myself and I leave a series of saw like traps for Jim that follow him for the rest of life. Let's just say all everyone's on the news after I'm done. Yep. Yeah, you grab my girl like that at work. Everyone's ended up on the news. Hey, it's gonna be the breaking news tonight. And I didn't even know my girl was ticklish. And I found

out because my fucking because Jim lift her up and she laughed because of who Jim and Pedro Pascal I fuck I I didn't even know her stomach was ticklish this is Kelby's desk and I put a I change his keyboard out with one what for a gigantic keyboard what for a child or an elderly woman can you I won't be here probably I'm not here as much most likely can you tell me what he what happens when he sits down at his I'll be here tomorrow morning I'll tell you it feels really good to type on and Here's my get my bed. Kelby will come.

He'll be like, what's this? Everybody, shut up Kelby, sit the fuck down and do your job like you always say to him. And he sits down and he'll start like using it a little bit and he'll say, I kind of like this. Mark it, mark it on your calendar. So off, so off. I think he will. You are probably the worst Kelby whisper of all time. No, I'm a good.

What will he do? He's going to walk in. He's like, weirdly straight posture. It's always weird. He's going to walk in. He's going to look down. He's even way less like who got me and more just confused. just confused he's gonna be like yeah um what's this and then no one's gonna have an

answer because no one's paying attention and then he'll be like okay and then he'll like unplug it and move it somewhere else he was he should have done it on nick yingling says because he would come back he'd be like my keyboard grew while he's gone no we're done today stops today's the day he gets down the door it's like a dinosaur capsule ludwig did someone poured water on it now it's T-Rex. Chat, we're done with this shit today. We're done with this shit. Nick Yingling has served his company loyally for too long to be degraded to young child who discovers wonders of the world on a daily basis. He's more than that. Don't what are you holding back? I'm trying so hard. Move your hand outside of your mouth. Okay. Nick Yingling, he

knows Plato's not food. But what if it looks like? Stop it, like, I'm being serious. He knows keyboards don't grow if you water them. Okay. What? They don't want to bring the kids. Supervised trick or treating is a pox on the society and we should send the children out in groups unsupervised to Rome.

You know, you know, I think the kids should have purge rules. Oh, for Halloween night only. For Halloween night only, but they have to be unsupervised by a parent. If they have a parent, that's a, that's a buff and they cannot have any purge rules. Does that mean the kids can commit crimes or the kids can commit crimes to each other? The kids can commit any crimes. You must offend your home from the kids. From the kids. I like that. Okay. I don't know if I like that. I would kill so many. That feels you have no, I kind of like that because that feels I'm not allowed. The kids had the perjurals. That feels fair. Also, if you could, you would kill several kids. I'm saying if they all attacked my house at once, I'd set up the 50 Cal.

It just sounds like you were excited at the idea of a kid attacking your house. Instead of for the fires, if we get the money, we'll set ourselves on fire. No, like a monk. Like the monks. Like the protesting monk. Dude, self-immolation. I couldn't self-immolation.

I'm from a fragmented nation of people, people complacent with, like I can keep going. Stop looking over. You do this thing. It's like a kid hitting their head of the coffee table. And you look over to see if it's okay? You did one line and then you exhale like black thought. Pull out my dragon wing long bow from behind and I'm going to shoot the...

Are we flying towards the boat or the water? The boat, like it's flying towards my net of man. Don't you're arguing net of man. Is they pointing this bow at us? What's they doing? Hey, boss. Hey, what's the twink one doing? What was the old blue?

If you try to change directions, we will find you and we will be a net there. Just let- You think that's growing back? Not in the back, that's for sure. Can you guys just not talk while we do the net thing? It helps me. I still don't know if it's his left or my left. It doesn't make sense, does it?

Stage left. We're not on the stage. Is that poor... Shut! I think Jason the Wien does not know who the fuck Elvis Press is. That's crazy. You don't mean that. that deal house rock hello yo what up man how you doing i can't focus you no more i'm sorry

what i can't focus with you no more because i'm what because you're white yeah i'm barely white no no you're definitely why i can't fucking i'm selling out to you i'm latin x cool what's up the I just had a question do you know uh do you know that old singer the guy who was like oh yeah that's fine that's fine I just wanted you that old say the name of that old singers like ain't nothing but a hound up impression that guy like hey mama yeah yeah yeah no who's that uh don't know but I would walk in the cracker barrel and that song would be playing don't call me that Elvis don't call let's go he got he got it there did you reach at be real

Yeah, geez. No way! See ya, man. See ya, man. No way. We rent out, what's that pyramid in Vegas? The Luxur? The Luxur?

What's out the Hyperx Luscer arena? Yeah. No, no, no, the fucking... He said a pyramid. Oh, right. Other shape. Bro. Rosh.

You know to New York. That's great. Tiber. That's just correct. You get to go to the deck. You get to go to the devil. circle and a square peg. You just did the thing.

He really did say Pyramids. I'm Opi and all I do is beg bad bitches and leave them. Oppie. Oppie, hit it from the back. Why don't you? Upi, side shots while spooning, please. Oh my god. Did you see... What?

I want him from Oppie and I want him now. Please shut up. Please shut up. Did you see... Oppie, give me mouth shots. Ew, dude. Stop. What?

What is wrong with me? He never fucking... Dude, imagine you're out of steak dinner. Okay? Be with me. Don't laugh. Be with me. Imagine you're at a steak dinner.

And you're by ourselves? Are we in the same? Are we dressed the same? No, and you're on a date with a fucking baddie. You're on a date with the toughest, okay? But am I dressed the same? Yeah, you are. In your fantasy.

You dress like that. Right now, I'm imagining showing you a day with camera brink. And she's giving you a fight. fur job out of the tape, okay? On the tape firm. And anyway, so you get, you eat your steak, it's so savory. You get some mashed potatoes, you get some corn, all sorts of savory, fucking crazy shit.

You're like, waiter check. I couldn't have another bite waiter. And then the check comes. And on top of the check is a little unwrapped, single year, mini, milky way. And you take a bite. I take that bite and it melts on your time. I yell, kid purge, and I go,

boom, in the am i the asshole argument you're basically saying they're getting up and then they're walking around for two hours and then they're done yeah but i wake up at 11 11 so and this wakes you up earlier yeah with a throbbing headache and my walls are it's like an earthquake it feels like and what are you brooming like all times a day sometimes i do it when they're not even making noise wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait it's a preemptive brooming right just like hey I'm let you know if you start it well I'm back and how many is it how many of those fat so's up there oh I would I don't know it might be like

five it's at least two because they said like us you know it's like five guys five five people in there really on phone heads, terrorizing Liam. They're running a fucking new crypto. They're rolling around and punching everything. Um, no, but to be clear, what I said I would clutch is getting the talk. If I was a kid, you're, oh, yeah. I would clutch you getting, I said I,

very more I see a vagina and I'm like, yeah, the alphabet would work on that. Yeah, this is over. What do you mean? You already have. Did you? I'm saying a few, if I had the talk, I would have clashed it. I think, yeah, okay. I didn't get the talk.

I think the harder thing is for the parent. I think I clutch the talk as a part. parent. It's hard as a kid too. Because that's what I thought you were both said. You're burned up right inside. You're like, oh my god, they're showing me pecinas and yeah. And my dad hasn't been home in like a year. So we're not even talking about that. And you said you clutches of parents. It's for you start. You're the parent now. Yeah. You're still the mother. Dinner's ready. Shut up. Okay. I got I got to do that thing. I got to do that thing. I've

homework for 30 seconds. I'm not going to the door. Okay. I'm not going on the door. I go, Oh, one second. One second. One second. Wait, wait, wait, which one's who? I'm the kid. I thought he was the mom. He's the mom. He's the dad. He's the dad, he's the dad.

I'm your cool uncle. And you're a naked uncle in the... You open the door yet? I open the door. I open the door. I have my one piece jammies on. I'm clearly erect. Oh.

Loveway, why are you? You're pitching a tam right now? Oh, I'm trying to talk to you. Your uncle's here. It was... Thank you. Wow. What a hog.

Uncle Nick. He's, you're saying, you're saying my gay ass brother made that hog! Oh, my, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, you want to say you're crazy, oh boys, switch to the other tab, what's on that tab? Uh, uh, I, I, I control shift T because I'm an honest child and up pops one piece porn. It's, uh, Nico Robin, she, she, she ate a loggia devil fruit, so she can have fire breasts. She's hawk and lugies in this porn.

Yeah, no. She has a loggia fruit in her breasts are made of fire. Yeah, I go kido scoot over. I opened up command prompt. I enter like a big string of code with a 300 words for a minute and then I just press enter and you're mining Bitcoin I'll see you guys later. I see you guys. I'll be back in 30 years. See that's why your uncle your uncle so successfully does value things we're in trouble. Uh, look, there's nothing wrong here except for the you got to stop watching one piece. You got to stop watching one piece. I'm okay. I'm okay with pornographic one piece I don't think you should be watching the normal show. It's just not good media. This is brain-wrought media. What the hell is the cum-cum fruit?

It's one of the greatest stories ever told. But whatever. Son, you have any girls or boys? You have a crush on at school? No, it's gay, dad. I'm so homophobic. I'm 12. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gay.

Likeing girls is gay? Well, yeah, that's also kind of gay, I think. Yeah. Well, do you know what, uh, did you know what, uh, did you? you know what why do we just keep it at that you can just keep being gay don't talk to anybody don't talk to any girls or boys stop watching what piece and uh I think your mother will be happy with this I think we can still beat off uh you can be you can beat off just leave the door open and then boom a 24 didn't have the birds of the beast time

a 24 logo it was like a 30 minute trailer yeah well he said he's if he thinks it's gay so an impasse you but okay but you you got it then bro you say hey it's gay now I think with my kid it won't be gay with my kid I'm gonna do birds bees and beat bucks now I'm gonna be like boom in the point the penis in the I just don't blame bitch I'm gonna be like well this sounds awesome Nick you already have a toggle lockdown what's that you go up to your kids room you go I can't say it I can't say it I'm your what if I had a pussy sometimes you go out and your whole session is just gravel

sniffers mm-hmm does this not like ruin the car yeah I'm very confused by so it hurts it a bit but that's a red flag that's a red flag to go because they got to bring it because there's no way for the car to get out unless it gets towed out and they're stopped and you can't bring the why can't you drive it out because you can't drive and gravel but why the fuck would they put gravel there if you can't drive on it to slow you down shit why not just put the wall there Then the wall was down It's like on the interstate in Colorado when they got the big gravel like

It's like somebody hit like a water barrel on the highway and you're like why was the water barrel there? No, it could just have riddle though The water barrel makes a lot of sense you hit the water barrel This is the water barrel and then you go up wasn't supposed to do that and then you keep driving Do you come back after the Yes you do unless your car's total You don't come back out of the water The problem with the gravel is not that your car is not that your car is

broken is that you're on gravel the idea that you think you hit a water barrel on a highway 100 meters of cotton candy if i hit a water barrel on the highway and my car is not total i'm fine i'm not on a type of road why don't we bring the fog down i'm making so much sense right now i think you're not stop it stop touching me i'm not touching oh god guys guys guys guys guys guys quiet fuck you i got a gregg dude you're nice Don't talk like that. Jesus. What's that cop dropping a bunch of stuff outside?

There's a drunk cop. Hey, get a hold on your window a bit. It's a rolly window because we're poor as supposed to. Hey, hello. Hey. Hello, officer. My dad's been drinking. My dad's drunk and the driver's wheel.

He's so drunk. And it hits my mom. I lean into the car and I get real close to your face and I go. So I was three of you in here. Anyone in the trunk? Brother brothers in the trunk. Stop doing this shit. Do you want a little

fucking orphanage, you weirdos? Yes. Can you not talk to them at all? He has a gun. Do you know what happens the kids in orphanages? I have a gun!

I'm popping the trunk. All right, I go and look in the trunk and it's just all bunch of porn magazines and come everywhere. Like an insane amount of cum everywhere in the trunk. It's like a crazy amount of cum. Yeah, your dad sucks. And I open it.

Like an AI video. Those are all our little brothers. And I put one finger in it. go. Dude. And I'm like, I'm doing this because I'm like, I'm so busted. And I, and I shut it.

And I go to the front and I go, you might come it out for a second. With the same finger? And I same finger. Are you still sniffing occasionally? Yeah. And then you unbucked, I go, not you. You.

I want the young one. This is what happened. I get out, but you don't realize, I have a fucking Glock with a switch tucked into my fucking, my size 24 Levi's. Okay, I roll for perception. wait

that's a seven okay you don't notice fuck okay yeah so what is it officer I'm a gangster

kid what is it I'm sure you're gonna have to take me in I'm sure you're gay because I'm a gangster yeah

and you're gonna take me fucking in officer I'm sure my busted ass dad yeah is in the front seat shut up while I'm talking my busted ass dad

I don't say that oh busted ass dad doesn't even know how to drive and he's drunk okay and you pulled him over for what

What? Because you won blondie in the year? Is this your father? I don't know. I don't know how I got here. Okay. That's right. All I know is I got this. I pulled out. How long are you? I pull out. I pull out. I pull it in my head. Put it in your head. My head in your head.

I say, I'm what the fuck I'm going to do, bro. Whose head is in front of it? I don't know, dude. Who's that in front of right now? Yeah. And I'm nine. So like, if you understand, like, math. Okay. I roll an athletics check. Okay. It's a Nat 20. So I jump. over you and now I'm behind you.

I'm behind you and the Glock was still pointing in front. Okay. And I whisper in your ear and I go, and I go, I smell your daddy's come. I know where you came from. And then I nine year old kill myself. I went to your friends house and I lit a match. They just had a box of matches and I lit one

and that just blew it out instantly. And then his mom came home, smelled the match but kicked us all out. Gave him a 45 minute chewing too. I wasn't allowed to go back. That's what that's what happened. Uh, no. Well, I thought you were just using fire. Yeah, I think so. I wish she slapped the dog shit out of you would have put it. It would have put you in your place if she slapped the dog shit out of me. Yeah, that would put you in place. Uh, I was like maybe 12. Oh, lovely cheeky little laugh. He's making a dumb and snarky little joke. They're just matches. I went back. I went back in the next day. And what you did? Kid purse. Uh-oh. I can't. I call you. I call you. I call you. I call you. I call you. I call you. I call you. I call you. I. I. I. I in her bathroom and fucking step her in a day. Hey Mrs. B, it's the kid purge.

Try to leave. Do it. Yeah. Yeah. This is actually, I'm actually so much more scared with you in the turtle suit. Try to leave, man. Try to leave, go ahead. With a turtle suit, he'll jump.

Come on. Because he won't feel the ball. Okay, all right, okay. Oh my god. Now podcast. Okay. All right, bro. Wait, is it dipped in water?

Yeah, yeah, no, not yet. Not yet. It's a dry dog. Oh, and then you dip the Oh, this is such a nasty strat I Look at me, look at me fucking wolf That three bites Chew, chew, swallow

Dude, eating it? Show the mouth, show the mouth Eating it modular like that That was a great, I was a great eat, bro That was a good That was a great eat This is what's crazy about this Is you, you're coming in, you're like, guys

Guys, it wouldn't even be close I can just, I'm so good at it now And we're all like, yeah man Like, I think we would... No, he's not saying, yeah, man. He's saying if he were competing. I think eating it in this way is pretty cringe, but I could still be you. Dude, you know what this feels like?

This feels like when I figured out how to double thumb mash and I became the best masher in the group. And then everyone's like, it's two thumbs. Like, I'm a single-thumb music. Only one guy saying that. Eating a hot... It was only one guy. It's true.

I am. I mean, I was saying that back in the double-thumbaires. But I think eating it set, like, eating the dog and then dipping the bread and water, it's like, what are we doing, bro? We're pushing the... We're fucking ourselves. If I, eat you're a hot dog

after this and that's my second dog in my journey of a dog eater and I beat your time with dog eater. Will you fucking shut up about being the goat? No. But you got beat. But you got beat. Without any grinding. So I'll have to show.

So no matter what you say. This is so embarrassing. What if I beat you would then you be bad? Like I'm better than you. Shut up. It's so embarrassing. If I was you, I'd be livid right now. I'm just going to have to put

You know, what if I was Platt 3, then would it be better at league than you? Like, sure, I guess. But you can't say the answer is no. You can't say no. You can say, I do think it's a silly question. This is a dumb-eyed question. I do think it's a silly question. But you said no, which is not, you didn't really engage with it.

Yeah, because I'm not, at no point engaging with the dumb- He's bating me by trying to be. You're trying to get his answer. You know how I know. You can destroy this Primo episode right now. I think he fucking destroys you, man. Well, you know, I know I'm confident when I'm not freaking out. So it's like, I just got to, if you give me some water and a dog.

I actually, maybe I have a better question. I have, I think I have a better question. I think if I started running from birth, I'd be better than you say it. All right. Okay. Oh. Oh, smoked. Speaking hot, did you want to apologize to me?

Bro, we talked about this on the pod. on the pod yes I thought we did it on your stream only oh maybe it was just your stream I'm sorry I guess so it's sorry for what it's like I wasn't even there for it so does it count sorry I guess do you remember on the Primo when you said we're not even in the same conversation you said it was so much conviction yeah yeah I just you know you I it was the best of my era you're the best of your era like some people will think Jordan's a goat some people think LeBron's a goat it's fine you're the Michael Jordan I'm LeBron yes I was better

the middle of the road hot dog eating I was this go before you got to this. And now the new era is different. It's different. I'm not as into it anymore. Right. Because the game's just changed. The game has changed a lot.

It's a very defensive game now. Your thoughts immediately go to something that you absolutely do not want him to see, Leonis. It very much is one of those, don't think of a pink elephant type thing. You know, you're like, as long as he doesn't see, what is it that you think of immediately, Leonis, that you very much had hoped he wouldn't see.

Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's me back at home, uh, in, in the sea, but the princess is there with me. And in, in my dad, my dad is hugging, my dad's hugging both of us at the same time. And he's, my dad, my dad gives me, kisses her on the mouth and then he kisses me on the mouth. It just, she's crazy, bro. in my eyes. Don't expand. Don't expand. That didn't happen.

I just want to be respected and loved. Again, since Sankofa can't lie either, although you all do not see that, you see him touch Leonis's head and go, oh. Yeah, once again, this shit is the kind of stuff you don't need to write. I'm Ryan. I'm in an ad upside down. Kill yourself! I like workout.

Ludwig Mian. and foods they go upstairs and they're like talking and hanging out. I go up to like grab a protein bar and say goodbye and so I'm like bye guys is nice hanging out and I'm leaving I'm like bye okay I'm walking out the door just real quick preface he doesn't say goodbye guys see you later he goes and grabs the protein bar comes up to my face puts it on my face he goes protein I need protein I need to get big with protein do you see how it's different no it was funny he was sitting down and I was at like standing height like your penis height like a penis height and I just started like caressing his cheek with it like near my

penis so easily watching they're both just watching they thought it was really funny and and and and I was funny how when he phrases it he goes yeah so I just said goodbye I gave hugs all around I hate when you dude I hate when you pee in a bottle and you're like I don't have enough bottle this sucks that's what I said last time Zippur reload! I felt like three cups when I did this. Oh shit. I have one.

I have one. Chug it aided. Go chug, chug, chug. Oh, get it all down! Get under there. Get under there. Dude, can, are you gonna be able to switch? He said, I think I'm good, I think I'm good.

No, I'm not. Oh. Is it warm? You're holding it? Close it, seal it now. Wait, it's actually pretty clear. Yeah, you got great. Dude, that's good pit.

You can show that. that. Aiden, come show it. It might as well be Tompichigo. That's really clear. Dude, do you know what this feels like? Oh, it feels like the coffee you get out of the vending machines in Japan. In Japan, yeah.

It's like gay boss suit. Don't relax, bro. Let me hold it. No, don't bring in there. I'm out of you because you texted me some annoying shit. He texted me, he goes, wait, wait, let me read. Let me read. So I message him, I said, what's your devil fruit?

He replies almost immediately, which never happens. He said, I like to think I would be a logia, Andy, is that how you say it? Yeah. A logia Andy. Okay. And then I replied, hello, you have run out of a lot of tokens for responses from friend LLM, LTD. If you would like to purchase more tokens, text PLTR to this number. The amount will be debited from your account.

He replies, stop in all caps. I reply, payment accepted. $799.99 will be charged to your payment method. And then I said, ha ha, yeah, low-gea is cool. Oh, my God. We were saying, Aiden's dad flying the plane, be like, thank you for flying on the USS. My son is gay.

He's actually on the flight, my gay son. He's sitting in B-12. If you want to say hi to him, just go ahead and walk through. Weather is looking pretty clear here in Seattle, Washington. It's weird that he keeps repeating about how I'm gay. This is Aidan's father. My little gay boy's in the front row

There he is my vibe You could just pit him on the head I was my little gay boy Raise your hand Raise your hand gay boy There he is Hey look at his long linky gay arm He's like an inflatable tube gay

I wanted him to become a football player Yeah pretty Yeah and I'm a pilot Which I thought was effeminate But boy you should see him Take a soccer ball He is useless all right Should be landing in three hours

It doesn't work like that It's not like that Slime's been weirdly sexual to me while I've been gone. This is not true. While you've been gone? Yeah, well, I've been gone for a week because I was, dude, I was in France and I got sick. Yeah. So I haven't been in the office and like, were you sexually explored in France. Is that why you're sick? I was sexually explored by Michael. You should see Michael. And then I get a message and it's from Simon goes, what are you doing, man? Let me see that thick, thick monster down there. That cinder block of a penis.

Oh, hold on. So when you said that's not true. What exactly? I'm sorry I'm not done haven't talked to you in a week take a pick with a flash on and then I wrote and then I wrote I'm sick sad face Interrent. Oh shit French flu and then yesterday hit me up again. It said just let me hit once Question mark. We won't don't have to do mouth stuff and I said you can't hit man. I'm taken and he He reacted with the rolling eyes emoji Giraff mind explosion reply and then he said you should watch try again I doesn't matter if it's a fucking fake version because this is probably happened someone has brought on a

phone and showed you something that you think sucks all right that's cool let's play it out you're your big Ben I'm Aiden and you're the Uber driver and action oh hey what ethnicity are you really quick before we get continue driving this car Serbian like checks a chart that's fine all right oh excuse me um random question I'm so sorry are you Netanyahu yeah that's me I'm Benjamin Netanyahu oh okay that's so crazy yeah I do a podcast so we talk what's that what's that it's like is it like Nelk it's like a music but longer oh Jesus can you

hey Serbian pigs so can you sir right You please drive a little safer. Because he probably says some shit like that. These Serbians. Hey, you fucking, hey you Serbian rat dog. No. Hey, drive straight, bitch. No English just moved here.

You just spoke English. Um, anyway, I was curious. Almost two complete. Uh, I was curious if maybe, uh, you'd want to come on my podcast. Well, and check this out. Look, I love this video. Okay.

Do you like that? Um, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, yeah, I like that. This is a place we can agree on. That was a trick. I pull off this mask. Wait, who are you? I'm a chain mail.

It's not Nen Yahu at all. And I say, I got you, motherfucker. Wait, hold on, but then I pull off the mask on Netanyahu. And if you're, I have an ugly butthole, it doesn't work. I don't, hey, I got some bad news for you. What? You don't have a beautiful, my butt hole is good. You got an amazing butt, but in, but underneath.

Wait, between. Don't you have a hairless, but hole? He is pretty hairless. You think you're like that guy from the YouTube video. I do you're not that guy sorry sweetie okay I'm not that guy's like the Kobe of that shit having a clean butt I'm saying I love the balls in the world I'm probably like D1 college level you are 30 years old do you think it really has held up show us right now I'm not talking now talking back then when it

was snatched I'm not my prime show us your butthole no I'm not gonna show you why I'm not gonna show you get up I don't want to hear a word I don't want to hear any laughs at all and then I'm gonna come back into this chair okay okay and if you fucking laugh I swear to God I'm walking on okay okay okay a didn't this one's on you bro I know I'm digging deep oh please please I want to see it please if like bark at you he did bark a lot at me and I keep forgetting I have it so everyone's like whoa the hair and I have to remember

time I'm like oh yeah because I can't see my own hair would you rather have you bald or like that right like this for sure that's what I'm so sure you was an anti-ball please yeah god god forbid just this just the thought I get you know knock on I'm shuddering I'd be bad right I would kill myself yeah I would kill myself yeah yeah yeah fuck would I go outside that makes sense yeah no no like it's aggressive against the wall right my brain well I want to give you one more shot one more shot I'm gonna stand up there one more shot and I'm gonna pull down my pants and I'm gonna spread my cheeks and I swear if you laugh I'm not showing up for the

primo I might not even show up next week both my parents are dead really sad um you know what some things change and some things stay the damn same that brown eye looks damn fucking identical i seen it last time i damn saw it in pomona california damn son of a bitch you go ahead have the week off i'm taking the week off it's fine if you want to say no We can roll play about this. Okay. About this. So about what?

Just a long train ride, so. The confession of... Okay. Do you want me to be the mother? I don't... I'll be the queen. Yes, the queen. Salini's mother.

You can be the queen. Where's my daughter? Hello son. Hi. I hear that you're dating my awesome beautiful daughter. Uh, sir, sir, uh... It's an honor. Ma'am.

I just hope nothing's happened to her. You're... Because that would be surely, surely awful. If I think it's happened. Sick. Have you met our dog? You're mad. Oh!

Do you have any skull? This is what I'm talking about. This is what I'm talking about. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. And you make George the talking dog? It doesn't make any sense. I would like to quickly say, I've been to the kingdom. I'm tired of you guys fucking with me.

This is weird. accurate and I'm we don't have to continue but when you get there you're gonna kind of wish we continue and I feel like a lot of the time when people are unhappy or stressed or sad they're almost a 99% of time thinking about something that hasn't happened something that could happen or something that already happened to them it's never like or something they can't control yeah something they can't control yeah too but like people don't really exist in the president so that's really at least where I'm out I don't know if that sounds

crazy you're maybe you're maybe the ideal person to have gotten hit by this trick shot I'm not gonna that fuck me up yeah I'm not gonna stop my momentum that shit's over that she was crazy oh well the thing about seven sensitivity is like that's not an easy 360 to get out in that time I don't even see how you swap to the M9. Yeah. What do you write this? What do you write this shot?

Like, objectively, ignoring that it's you. Seven cents. I mean, objectively. Headshot over the bomb. It's a 360 no scope in a $15,000 land tournament. It's ridiculous. $300,000. It's even do this in a land tournament, like where money's on the line.

Yeah. Is nuts. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it was to win the fucking game. Like, bro, come on, bro. Best day of my life, by the way. you know I should in there out an email you know there's like a fucking pesticide

that can kill 80,000 bees on one seed you put it on one by popcorn kernel side of seed it kills 8,000 bees isn't that crazy are you being radicalized by people in the street kind of like if you were I said that I said that ass was just like there's no way did she wanted to go to Shen Yun after wait just because when Jay six for bees happens Nick is they were they think about that one seat 80,000 Nick what you're spitting is right we are killing the bees yeah in the Big time. The bees have been at risk.

They've been coming back. You guys are dumb. Bees were gone and they're- You are- You are a passive bee-enjoyer who saw a headline that bees are coming back and then said, oh, I won't care anymore. That's not true. I see bees.

I grew up when bees were- Oh, I'm friends with black people. It was cold today. It was so cold today. It was so cold. That's boring. I don't know what is it global warming. That's dead asses argument.

I see the bees were up. You guys weren't even alive when I was playing with bees and scared of them in the fucking them in the fucking... We weren't alive for the first 20 years. You want me to accept your anecdotal evidence from 50 years ago. I'm not even... I'm not hearing people say the N-word anymore. No, no, no.

That's crazy! I'm not hearing it. We have to make another B movie. I think that was part of the company. That was a big part of it. That's actually a big part of it. Phase Bank Save the B's telephone. Yeah.

I'm like dead ass, like no cap. I know I know a B might like turn around one day, like a phony and sting your ass. But like, I'm telling you, like, have you ever look at a flower and think that shit's kind of important? Like, fuck. Like, we got to save these bees. No cap. Faze up.

Pays up for the bees. Oh, I was thinking, guys, I think Caleb Pitts, he's been living with me for a couple weeks. Yeah. I think we should have C.P. on the show. We should have C.P. on the show. Pause. Can't call him that. Why? It's his name. Why?

I think C.P. could add so much. So how did you introduce him initially? What do you mean? When you started the season? sentence. I think, I think when I, look, CP has been a part of my life for. Nope, nope, nope. A couple weeks. You already said the name so you know who he's talking about. Yeah. You know it's clearly it's about. And I think introducing. Well, it's not confusing because it couldn't be like Chris Paul. They're the same amount. It's the same reason we use pronouns. It's like simpler in sentences.

You short the name. That is not the same reason you use pronouns. It's also not the same amount of syllables. I don't know what you're talking about. Drop the alibits. Just CP. No. Just CP. No. We're We've already had CP on the show. I would rather adjust A-Libits. I would rather that. But I think if we have C-P on the show again, it can like really broaden our audience. Child porn.

Whoa. Are we just doing it? Oh, we're digging for bits this hard now. You're just saying things like that. I think we, R.C., I think you just cut out him talking about it. Yeah, that's gross. You want to cut out me. It's weird.

Yeah, you brothers are like that. You want to cut me in a five minutes of just you going. I'm talking about bringing on a beloved scene. I think we should have CP. Yes, Lime. We should have CP on the show. We've had CP for years. I didn't even know they fucking make that kind. We need CP. I remember my first time hanging out with CP. I was very young. I was very young and I kept doing it forever. So you guys are fucking doing. How long we should do this for? You know we should do? We should cut out everything except for that. It should just cut to that and he says all that. And then we come back. Whoa. We're sledding you out. What kind of content do you want to make?

But... But... But... Boy pussy... Jeeze. Why is that so funny to me? We've been... Colloquially, we've been saying boy pussy as a society for like eight years.

That still gets me. Yeah. Man, that's good. Oh, look, guys, I'm not the fucking content. I'm the talent, bro. Oh. So we need to come up... I need some ideas, guys. With the way that...

To slow you out. Slow you out. I would do what that Lily... Only Fans creator girl did. You would be to have sex with that. 100 men. No, I want a thousand men to fuck you. Just wrong. I want you to break her record. They fuck me bald. Every day she does it. I want you to fuck bald. But her record, but bald. I don't. Dude, she was like crying at the end. I was gonna say, I feel like,

we're trying to make money, no. All right. And maybe she was crying, but you know what she did the next day? She got back to fucking work. She got when to work. She will go up she arrested. She had, she announced she's doing a thousand. Oh my. A thousand's too much. That's just a hundred was too many. A hundred is also too much. And then she announced a thousand. A thousand is like that's what she did. Mr. Beast, that's Mrs. Yeast. I'm trying to change my image. By having a tampecks shirt.

I acknowledge that tampons exist. That's not something that people didn't think you. Thank you very much. Thank you men. And why are their different sizes? I don't know. What are the difference? Is one for a butt?

Can you name the different sizes of tampons? But, biggest. You're wearing a tampon. You're wearing a tampon shirt. There's none of her butt. That can't be true. Butts leak. Maybe that's what diapers are for.

Just give me a couple names for size, like a sizing chart. Plus. And? And. Big dog. I mean, his thing was basically like hopping into YouTube chart and being like, top three favorite races. No, no, no.

Number one. The Kentucky Derby. No, no, no, no. Number two. Which race is the most superior? Instantly everyone wants to hear what Ludwig has to say about this. You get a lot of attention if you lead with that. This is going to be the same as what I just said. Yeah, but obviously the punchline is the same, but it turns into, you know,

race wars. Something that makes you money. Yeah. Right. Which one? I like, I like Dune Racing. The Ludwig Ogrins skull shape invitation. Brought to you by.

And while they were here, they kept talking about how, oh, it's like cool, they're workshopping this in the car. It's cool that like I have like this anonymized nickname on the podcast. Like I'm Dr. Noodl Slam. So like nobody like really knows who I am, even though we say Sam half the time anyway. He's like, so Ben, Ben needs a name like that for the show. And they were they were like, so we came up with pedophile Ben. Really?

I'm not ironically. You guys said that. Oh, you guessed. That was my actual. Yeah. No, I did not know this. That's crazy. The first thing I thought was pedophile Ben.

You said pedophile Ben, so that's how it's so fast to join. You're already thinking it. That's great. Because they were like, it's so funny. It's one of your friends. We need an anonymized name so that nobody knows who Ben really is. P.O.B. But he's easily easily distinguishable from other characters.

It's original P.O.B. Pedophile Ben. Petophile Ben, man. They like pitched this to me. And so what did pedophile Ben get down with? Did he play some mini golf? You should have brought him to CP. You would have loved it then.

Pedophile Ben did crush us at mini golf in Cadillian Island. Yeah, he's good at trial. I bet. Get him on from regular golf, he's lost. No, that looks so bad. That looks so hot. It looks hot. You like it, right?

So what was the surgery for again? I've receding gums. It looks good. Honestly, where do they get the gums from my mouth? You never listen. They got it from my nuts. They didn't take it from my nuts. Dude, nut skin on your gums would they so funny? Would they if they were if they were like hey, it's a procedure that's completely painless? It's like it's like, you know, it's like dead skin But they offered you to get it from your nuts or the roof of your mouth my nuts would you take your nuts? Would you take Ludwig's nuts? Instantly I'll donate my nuts for his I'll donate my nuts for his I'll donate my nuts.

Donate? I'll donate nuts for him. Do we? Slime wakes up from surgery. He's like, what happened? It's like you survived. It's like with the help of a donation. You go over it. It's the three of us. We're all in hospital beds with big bandages on our dicks. I shop there all the time. What do you buy from GLD Tyler? Jewelry. This is a stupid question. That's right. That's a stupid question. For a limited time only new customers are getting an insane deal. Use code yard. get 50% off plus a free chain.

Do you hear that kiddo? A free chain. All I got to do is, or I get my chain back? And you can't get it snatched this time because it's very, very embarrassing. It could still, well, he could still get snatched. It's 50% off and a free chain with code yard at gldd.com, that's gldd.com, use code yard.

You know what, if you're a gangster, come get it. You know what, if you're, if you're a gangster crit, if you want Nick's, come fucking get it this time. time. If you want next, if you want to be ready this time, maybe put up like a Craigslist ad. Beatles that.com. Use code yard. That's our set. And you can come fucking get it this time. I think racism's gone and ended with David Getta's DJ set. Really that's he did end it. He did end it. He did end it. Ended racism five years ago. And how about how we can move on after that is David

Getta. What? I'm not, are you? I'm not. I promise. I promise. I'm not joking. He's a Roblox YouTuber.

Is he right? Yeah. Okay, so why am I stupid? Because he's a really big. He started doing music and he got pretty big. He kicked it off with Roburnum thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's like a Bo Burnham Roblox guy.

Yeah, or maybe Joji's better, but Joji's a little bit better, but he's bigger than Joji. He's a little better. He's a lot bigger. He was a smaller. He was a smaller, he was bigger than Joeji when he did Roblox. He was bigger than Joeji when he did Robox. You look up David Getta like Spotify so you can see his stream numbers.

He didn't get a job. I don't know who this guy is for real. What in the fuck two billion plays? Yeah, I'm good. Bro, I don't know anything. Yeah. And what does he look like? He looks like that one right there. He's on the left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's on the left. Yeah, yeah. He's been doing that shit since Roblox came out, bro. Middle school. Yeah, vibes. He's like, like critical. He was like our age when Roblox drops. Yeah, he's older though. How old is David getta? He's 50. He's 50. He's 50. 7? Yeah, he's old. How was he on Roblox? Well, look where Roblox came out. How long? He was old on the older side of those YouTubers, but like so his PewDiePie's pretty old too night 19 years old. Yeah. So think about that. He was 38 when Roblox came out. Dude, there's still time.

Like you could start a Roblox channel today. I mean, Roblox maybe you maybe want to pick a new no no, no. Roblox. Yeah. Sure. You could start a Roblox channel today and you could be David get become a DJ 19 years. And he did it and he solved racism. Do you have you never seen the video? No. Oh, can you look at David Getta, Cotton Eye Joe? No. In honor of George Floyd, and I really hope we can see more unity and more peace when already things are so difficult.

So shout out to his family. I have a great. I have a great. I have a great. Wait. Is this real? That's real? Yeah, that's David Getta, yeah.

He literally played hamster dance after he said that. The clip is real. The clip is real. It is an insane clip, is it not? And people are, people think this, okay, you know what? What do I know? I didn't know David Getto. Have you noticed any racism since?

Yeah. I have. That sucks. Yeah, you got to report that because I haven't seen anything. Yeah, it's my fine. I got to call. I really turn around after that. say something that well this goes back to the old riddle you know there's a goes back to

the old riddle I would love to hear you sorry could you say it how they said it there's a mercenary in the middle of a room in front of him is a priest a rich man and a king and the question is who does who has the power over the mercenary who was the second one the priest priest a rich man and a king and who it's a trick the mercenary holds all the power. That's right, bitch. And you have two Kimbo weapons. Oh, fuck. Oh shit. By the way, you fucking assholes, I cannot believe. I sat here. Guys, there's excellent work. For 10 minutes straight. Oh yeah. Yeah, you're dumbest fog. We all held very strong. I was three, seven-year-old Roblox YouTuber David Getto. Dude, when you could see when, when Zipper pulls up the Spotify

streams, I almost break. I'm so close. Yeah, I realized. in the middle of that bit that I was like this is how you handle slime. What are you talking about it? Like who's that? I'm not trying to be a dick. I want to be a nice. I've never heard. And we've heard of what?

And instead, we just lie. I've made more pizzas than you. Do you realize that? Like by a not even close margin. Let's say our numbers on three. Yes. Let's say our numbers on three. Okay.

Do you got your number? Yeah. One, two, three, a million. Seven hundred. So, he beat you. I'm destroyed. You made a million pizzas.

I made one million pizzas. Were they all at home? No. Where were the other ones? Monument Square Market? Monument Square Market. You made a million pizzas. Oh, I thought I made a million pizzas.

Well, it was, it was school picture today. It was, yeah, it was. It would be like when the city gets together to make the biggest pizza ever. It was the Hall of Brooklyn Pizza Festival. And at the last year, and you don't get the home list. You just pulled out. And I was the only one working that day. And they go,

They go Ludwig, well, there's no homeless. There's no homeless where you're from. No homeless. Zero homeless. Probably because of all the pizza you made. Probably saved all the homeless people. There was pizza access and they gave to the homeless and it's whole homeless crisis.

Well, you have mentioned millions of knowledge made millions of pizzas for the homeless. I've made so many pizzas. God, you solve world hunger. We should get you involved in the government. It's easier on a smaller scale. But you got to think local app, you know, think local.

I should learn from you. I think you came in here thinking you were like a big man. Sounds like my rest. I'll never catch up. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's not about catching up.

What is it about? It's about loving the process. Giving back to the process. Give them back. Each pizza is like it's going to be the millionth. Each one is your favorite. Yes. That's right.

Pizza is the last. I like that. God. That's beautiful. So much to learn. What is that about? I want to shake your hand. That was really, you're a special guy.

I didn't realize. He works so hard. And all the people who served, thank you. Toadet implies sex to these creatures, which implies backshots. That's such a leap. It's tough. How is it a leap? That's not a leap.

Toad and Toad back shots. Why does the woman imply sex? He doesn't, the problem, Toad doesn't have, Tote doesn't have his hip. It's not even more knees. So hitting the backshot, there's not a lot of movement in the back shot. Okay, but the existence of a female worm does not imply the existence. of worm back shots. No, that's different though. I think it literally does. It literally does it. Sexual dimorphism is about back shots. It's not always about backshots. You know what? I had to

go deep down the animal kingdom because it's a lot of them have back shots. It's not always about backshot. Shut up, dude. I'm not the backshot guy. You're not strong or fast. I outrun you. The two metrics. You are the slowest on the show. But I'm way strong. Are you the slowest on the show? It's possible. But I would I would put it to the test. We do need to do the... Yeah, we do a race. The Columbine. Nope.

No. No. We don't need to do that. There's too many of us. We just even... We have twice the amount of people in for that. A double column. NFL.

The Combine. Thank you. I appreciate it.