The Yard - Ep. 1 - shingle bells

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

The world is finally given the unique perspective and comedic stylings of four white guys who play video games.

🎵 Welcome to the yard, everybody. I missed mine. Oh, you fucking hit me in the face! Canada comes last. Holy shit! You just don't know how to use a firearm. It smells now.

Flammable. Do you think this is okay? Are we going to get smoked out? We don't have a lot of guns in Canada. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You don't know how to handle a firearm? We're going to Wu-Tang the roach. That's a good...

Wu-Tang the Fourth of July. We're going to Wu-Tang the TNT snap. It's a little snap popper. Party poppers. Why don't you Wu-Tang the TNT Snap. It's a little snap popper. Party poppers. Why don't you Wu-Tang it? Not the fun poppers. Hit it real quick. A little more.

Hit that shit. Look, for a podcast to be nominated for a podcast award, it needs to introduce all the guests at the beginning. Oh. That's a rule of it. Okay. So welcome to the yard, everybody. It's our podcast featuring Ludwig.

You got to intro yourself. So, okay. From the top? From the top? Oh, my God. I got it. You got to intro yourself. So, okay. From the top? From the top? Oh, my God. I got it. Anthony's really stressed out, but go ahead. Say your name again.

Yeah, it's Ludwig. I'm Nick. I'm Aiden. What's up? I'm Slime or Anthony. That's fine, too. You got to tell them which one you got to be direct. I don't think it's – I do because I think that some – like, Ludwig will call me Slime

and Aiden will call me Anthony and aiden will call me anthony and nick uh will dealer's choice dude you know how many dms i have gotten uh after starting the yards twitter account from people saying hey i went to follow everyone who's on the podcast but slime blocked me why is that anime profile i got a bunch of those yeah uh i blocked a bunch of people today because i tweeted about like smash summit stuff and then they'll just reply with apropos of nothing, and I just get so mad. I'm just like, please stop talking to me. This isn't for you. There's no reason for you to talk to me.

And then I block them, and it makes me just like a sweet little— It's like eating cereal, but only the marshmallows. I thought you said you changed a leaf. I didn't change a leaf. Does it actually satisfy you? Yeah, 100%. Does it actually satisfy you? Because the feeling I get when i do that is knowing

that they i will never have to deal with there's an infinite horde of them and anthony just has an unbeatable weapon with infinite ammo yeah it doesn't ever break it's like call duty zombies though you'll never win it's like call duty zombies yeah but how how many hours did you guys sink into that good amount hell yeah and i'm not done yet classy 150 there's gotta be diminishing returns though there are yeah actually when you get to the later rounds, you have all the power punches, all the pack-ups. It's not fun anymore. All the juicer fruits.

You're going to hit a wall. There is an extension I read about. I didn't go seeking this out. There's an extension called Ultra Nuke, where if you block somebody, it blocks everyone who interacts with that tweet, too. Which I think is really funny. That is insane.

Yeah. What if you just do that? I might what if you just i might go for that i might go for that you know it'd be a fun stream for you so you can do this thing this has been happening to me lately because my mods have a much shorter uh temperament than i do and so they hate things like ludwin or like short they get really pissy about old jokes. They get really pissy and they have auto-banned phrases. And one of them is ban me. And one time, 24 hours.

I was like, hey guys, and I said ban me. So someone typed it. They got banned for like a full day. And then everybody has a joke. Like 500 people just got banned for a day just by typing it in chat. You could do that.

You could do like a stream called if you type this word you will be banned permanently here's the thing though i don't really care as much about twitter or sorry twitch because like i don't get a lot of people coming through as traffic so it'd be over really fast let's do an auto script then like automated he'll make a script you tweet you say if you reply to this tweet you will be blocked i would love to do that you can definitely do that i would love to pull each trigger individually that is so much more work i was gonna say if you do an auto script it takes so much of the art out of it yeah no thank you you need like a big red button on your

desk that pops up on the screen you have one in queue and then you can just yeah that guy's this is not art this is like a human in runescape grinding 99 smithing and isn't that beautiful in a way no script it it it. It's way easier. You get the same skill cape at the end. No, you're not listening to him talk about what he's doing. It's like the beauty of clicking block on each individual. All right, shingles boy, what's going on? All right, let's go.

Hey. It's shingle bells time. So, Aiden, you came back from a trip, but before that trip, you had some problems. Yeah. Yeah. And you found out what they were today. Let's talk about it, because it's gross. Yeah. Yeah, so like a week ago show the video of yours Am I gonna show it show your shingles? Do I show you guys first? We have never said we can we get a close-up on that?

We have never seen okay. Just take off your shirt zippers got us Can we also Archie blur out his nipples, okay, wait, that's oh Can we also Archie blur out his nipples? Okay, wait, that's oh Dude shingle boy, I can breathe it in that looks like that looks like Hawaii on a map Oh, oh my god the side it's so Worst from this side. Oh my god. He's like a teacher. He's like there's seven islands Here's a wahoo earth wind fire water. Oh my god. Damn you look bad He touched me earlier and I freaked out Jesus Christ, yeah, it's gonna go to the 7-eleven hold it up with his shingles. Hey, give me everything that you guys have

Look at me. I'm gross. Give me the money in the register. All the taquitos you have. It's like the Dave Chappelle bit where that guy's holding up the bus, jerking off. Yeah. He's like looking at people. Wait, so you knew you had this

before you went to see your friends in Atlanta? I didn't know I had shingles. To his defense, I saw it before he went. It was so much smaller. It was just a little circle. Yeah, it was like a little thing. Because what I was going to say is he has shingles, then he goes to this thing. And it's not like gamers hanging out.

They're playing sports and shit. Yeah. Which is like the best way to pass shingles. Did you, like, did they see your weird gross body? Yes. You're like one of those anti-vaxxers who, like, goes in public and coughs on people. Yeah. I almost went to the ER while I was there.

Wow. Because it got worse? Because it hurt so bad i literally feel tingle in my throat right now i'm getting that's not what i hate that i'm sitting close to him i hate not go because you like kind of felt like the joker and you liked that feeling that you like society you are patient zero you're the guy who fucked the bat who gave us all it's it's whoever fucked the bat over your dick. What the fuck? Whoever fucked the bat is a COVID. I didn't intentionally infect my friends.

You were patient zero, bro. I went to the doctor before this trip. Yeah. I went to the doctor before this trip. I just had a pain that was keeping me up. What did the doctor say that he let you go? No, I didn't have the rash yet. There was just pain.

I thought the doctor had the rash. He's like, ah. He's like, this will clear up. A little aloe vera. That'll be $200. No, and then they didn't help at all because, I mean, there was no rash. So I guess it's not as obvious yet. And then the pain got better for like two days.

And then all of a sudden it's like the day of my trip. I have this rash and my blood work's not back yet. And I'm like, if I i bail they will flame me yeah and because you guys barely but i think and the first notion and then the first appointment clear like they didn't say it was anything serious so i was like if they didn't say it was serious the first time and i'm gonna get flamed by my friends for backing out i'll just go oh it also didn't look this bad it also definitely paints a picture because we're being disrespectful this is an audio podcast for many of you guys

oh yeah we love our audio listeners if you just ever in your if you have free time this day just google really really ugly disgusting shingle boy and then it'll be exactly like whatever comes up and it's aiden's high school photo yeah we got any google SEO users out there? Maybe we just get that top of it. Yeah, this is where we start a Reddit to get it to the top for that result. That's it. You know what? To be clear, you know,

they're having a fucking gaffe over here. This hurts. It hurts. I'm having like an awful time with this. How bad? What does it feel like? It just feels like it's like burning and like pulsing.

And then it'll go away for like some amount of time and like pulsing and then it'll go away for like some amount of time like seconds and then it'll come back is it like a spicy hurt or like a dull hurt no it's it's spiky spicy yeah spicy okay well it's it's like it it's like piercing it like pierces and then goes away something i i want to i want to know about right so today is monday and you were there sunday and you were playing shirts off sports, right? Yeah. Okay. So when you took your shirt off,

and that gross thing that we just saw was available to everyone to see, did anyone go, Chris, we met Chris, did Chris go, hey, gross, what's going on there? Yeah, yeah, they all did. I mean, it was this sort of ongoing explanation. Chris asked me if I had an STI. It comforts me to know that other people were clowning the shit out of you.

Yeah, yeah, the whole time. Did anybody touch it? I get here. No, nobody fucking touched it. I don't know. You were playing football or something? That's what I'm saying. So did you like...

Oh, we're talking intentionally? We're talking hard contact. No, unintentionally. Or either one. We're talking... No? Not that I can... No, nothing like that.

Although you would think that from a Mario Kart meetup, right? You wanna get dangerous right now? You wanna get dangerous. You want me to rub this on you. Do you know the game where you both say a number between one and a certain number, and if you say the same number, you have to do the thing? Oh yeah, what's that called? It's what are the odds. What are the odds. Alright, alright.

This is good. I'm just gonna say, one in twenty, you can rub me with your shingles. Okay. This gamble doesn't get you and then you go this doesn't pay someone else goes three two one go you both say it all right all right calm it down hold on hold on wait what do you say one thing one thing in the room i i asked about this because the doctor immediately leads off with like this is contagious and i'm like well how contagious like i'm going back to a house with my roommates today we're gonna be we're

filming something on a set. And he's like, don't worry. Like, unless they lick your shingles, it is probably not going to give it to anybody. Licks it? Oh, what did you say you were going to do? For licks, it'd be one in a hundred. He said touch.

Touch, two touch. You're doing one in a hundred for a lick? Yeah, 1% chance. Isn't that like the risk of dying in a car accident when you get in a car? I think I can. Dude, if I let you lick my shingles. I think I can like go to jail No, no, no, cuz it's well and no this is live. It's all recorded and also we sign the release forms We go that you could say like oh, he just licked me. Look just say a number count it down. Okay, right?

Yeah, wait one to twenty one through a hundred for the lick. Okay, ready? Three two one Seven not even close. All right, what's the point? I was stressful. No, no, I 58 57 Not even close Alright 1 to 29 That was stressful No no I'm backing out I got stressed the moment I started counting down I tried to think of the number he'd say the least 57 Yeah

Is what he said Well let's move on from Shingle Boy Because we also have another person with ailments today Oh it's me And that's Nick We're all sick now What happened? I'm not sick

Okay so Dude you're sick So no I'm not sick I have a fool I'm not sick I have an inner ear infection and it's all fucked up It's like the fluid way the fluid in your head that like keeps you balanced and like gives you you know Stability and all that so it's all out of whack because I have like inner ear infection

So I've been like walking today and then veering off into different paths on accident really like falling over and shit And then there's like been certain sentences I've been like talking to like Lexi or someone. And I just like stop in the middle of it because I get confused. Have you ever seen a dog with really bad vertigo? Yes. I had a dog with really bad vertigo that died. And you brought it back out of me.

They like trip over themselves. Yes. It's very sad. And they'll just like get dizzy and shit everywhere. So in a few days that will be Nick. That's like me. He just shits everywhere and dies from dysentery. That's like me but like my GoFundMe would probably do a little better Well I don't know

I'd squash that real quick The GoFundMe? Cause we would just cover it or what? I think it would be funny to torpedo someone's GoFundMe To run a campaign against it When you said squash that I thought you either meant pay for the GoFundMe Or like

It's like get the dog out of the bag What I would do is I would either meant pay for the GoFundMe or like, it's like, get the dog. What I would do is I would let Nick roll out his GoFundMe campaign to solve his problems. And then I'd run a smear campaign saying why no one should do that. That's crazy. Nasty Nick is lying about it. Here's why Nick made up his vertigo. Yeah. Dude, I went to the doctor for this and my doctor was like this

like anthropomorphized super mario man and when i went in and sitting down it was like a scene in good time like i was sitting there and he's like all right what what do you what do you got going on i'm like oh yeah so i have this thing in my he's like how long how long and i'm like oh uh so like in my ear it kind of he's like no no that's last week i'm talking about right now like how do you feel like right now i'm like uh right now oh i mean it's a little better than yesterday okay okay yeah yeah so you're just gonna take all this bacteria stuff and you're gonna be good and he left the room i was like what just fucking happened to me doctors are the biggest hot shots they just they're trying to go in and out every doctor is like they act like they are they were working on solving cancer and they were like a

minute away yeah they had to come fucking talk to you finally i will say too like this is this is my like this is my admission. I think it's finally time. I don't think Italians should be doctors. Wow. He's Italian, by the way. I feel like that's important to say. Yeah, both of us.

I can't say that. No, you can't. Do you think that's why they handled COVID so poorly? I think because the Italian doctors. Oh, Italy themselves. Maybe, yeah. People of COVID, as we're called. People of COVID. it so poorly i think because the italian doctors oh oh italy themselves maybe yeah people of covet yeah i i don't uh they they always i've never met a doctor that made me feel good that's how it works never ever not a single problem is not solved by a medical professional like medically but like i've never left a doctor's office feeling like, ah, that human helped me.

Can I ask a question? What is the worst injury that you guys have had in your lives? I can start. Emotional? No, not that. That's not a good thing for this podcast. Different kind of show. Because I could tell.

Okay. I mean like that you had to go to the emergency room or doctor for. For sure. Like when I was skating, when I used to be a skater, uh was dropping in for the first time ever and i was really scared and i was wearing slip-on vans that the bottoms had completely like uh you skated them out i skated them out they were like no more grip on those things yeah and so i'm at the top of the half pipe and i'm like getting all nervous and then i drop in and i just want dive into that concrete I fuck face first face first damn I can't believe you're not ugly top tooth goes through here yeah and my shoot my tooth shatters on the concrete this

tooth is fake a fake tooth now I have a veneer well it's the root stayed in so they were able to just build a tooth onto it And then I went to the denny founded 100 thieves you know when they Me and they put the needle in my cut yeah they're like yeah we gotta put that shit in there i'm like ow that's probably my worst that's a good injury i'm down a bounce from that to the you want to talk about the hundred thieves thing i'm gonna i'm gonna tell you guys a story all right i'm gonna keep this all very deep amon does not know about this we all went to this hundred thieves party it was like the first networking event since COVID. There's a bunch of people there. They had DJ Dylan Francis.

Why do you call it a networking event? Because that's what it was. A woman came up to me and she was like, I run Activision partner influencer programs. Do you play Call of Duty? And I was like, yeah, I guess. You were getting sucked left and right. I don't want to get too far from your story,

but I heard a lot of people were approaching you saying, why don't you follow me? Okay, I'll put on blast right now, quick aside. So after the party. If you know, you know. Well, no, I said it on stream, so I don't feel bad. But after the party, there's an after party, and it's at the 100 Thieves Content House where Courage lives. And he was like, bro, you're at my house.

You don't even follow me back on Twitter. Dude, these people are fucking brain rot. I have two options there. I either follow him on Twitter or I leave immediately. Did you pull out your phone and do it right there? You think those are your two options? Yeah. You could have just big dicked him.

You could have just told him that you don't like Twitter accounts with commercial breaks. He's a very harmless, nice guy. He's fine. He's a nice person, but you could have just meet him. I could have not done it I will say I didn't say this to his face

but Classify was there he was a part of the mob and we had like a 15 minute conversation right talking about where he's from his friend

really great conversation the whole time I'm like I know this guy's in the mob I know they were on 100 Thieves I can't remember his name and he brought up

that I don't follow him on Twitter. I was like, oh, yeah, I'll follow you for sure. He brought it up, too. He brought it up, but he wasn't like, follow me. He was like, you don't follow me. He's still bringing it up. These people are fucking the mind, bro. I'm not going to name names because I said I wouldn't narc.

But I had someone approach me and say, hey, why doesn't Ludwig follow me? This is so fucked. 100%. I'm not fucking with you. 100%. I think it's fine. Look, the worst part, though. Yeah, you wouldn't think it's fine.

You're a shill, dude. The worst part is I left the conversation and I looked up the wrong member of the mob. And followed him? No, no. I was like, that's not his face. Oh, my. Oh, dude. Because I couldn't remember.

But in front of him? No, no, no. I walked away. This was classified. I'm actually blanking right now. Oh, no. You were talking to him. Oh, he still can't remember, dude.

I'm pretty sure. No, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure it's classified. While you were talking to him. I'm bad blanking right now. Oh, no, you were talking to him. Oh, he still can't remember, dude. I'm pretty sure. No, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure it's classified. While you were talking to him. I'm bad with gamer names. While you were talking to him, I was talking to Hasan, and he was saying, why does Ludwig dress like that? That's what he was saying to me.

He was like, he looks over at you. A much better question. And he said the exact same thing I said to you before you left the house. Yeah. I was like, waist up, you're yourself. Waist down, you're like a seven-year-old. You're wearing jorts and cars crocs. I ripped up jorts, cars crocs ripped up jorts

cars crocs and then like a really nice like sweater that cutie got me yeah so so i was like i saw him and i was like you're wearing that and he's like he was like yeah and i was like hell yeah yeah like i i'm that was for me in a way yeah he wore that for me so i'm kind of pioneered that wearing goofy outfits has kind of become you know like a good it's like an easy out i don't have to think about my outfit because i can wear some you just roll up and whatever yeah people just go like oh let's get back to the bagel shop in naruto crop tops that is true the hundred thieves thing it was funny because you said it was a networking event but they would never want it to be said that like sure they don't want to say the hundred thieves networking event

which is what it is and it's like quit fucking capping i'm so filled with with rage all the time when i think about that brand go ahead he does hate anything like that but look this is the story we're at the hundred thieves event it's like a networking event and the whole night goes great bunch of people came up to me i talked to a bunch of people um at the end of the night if you guys don't know all four of us are in the smash scene and recently a bunch of people in the smash scene got canceled for like grooming pedophilia like terrible shit that they should not have done in a really large amount of people got canceled like a weirdly large number and i'm canceled. Like a weirdly large number. And I'm not going to say who because, look, I'm not trying to stir some shit.

But one of the people who were canceled came up to me at the end of the party. All right. Wearing like a mask, glasses. All right. And they were like. When you say mask, you mean like a. Like a COVID mask. COVID mask.

But no one else was wearing it at the party. It was a witch plague doctor mask. It was the Reagan bank robber one. Masquerade. You have like Bane. But some guy comes up to me at the end of the party. He goes, hey. And I'm like, hey, how's it going?

And he's like, hey, I just want to say I love what you've been doing. I'm like, really appreciate that. And I always do this to people. I say, what's your name? Because I feel like people appreciated that. And he's like, you don't want to know. I'm like, what? He's like, you don't want to know i'm like what he's like you don't want to know my name

and i recognized the voice it was a canceled smash person who was there undercover at this party i'm not gonna say who we'll tell you after i'll i'll tell you right now i have such a good guess okay okay such a good guess oh yeah bro bro bro we have Archie bleep it, bro. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can't just say. Archie, do a long bleep.

We need a long bleep and we need a bar over his mouth. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. Isn't that crazy? Like, it's a weird spot because you are still a human that exists day after day. Yeah. But when you're canceled, you're basically like X. It's the

same thing that i imagined 500 years ago when someone gets excommunicated from a church yeah and i i think too there's like a range of being canceled right and like this is like on the far range of like you shouldn't be around sure yeah well i think the issue is in a crowded area you're showing up to the environment that you notably were participating in before. That is crazy. It's not like he's showing up to the local chess club and starting fresh. And learning a new competitive game.

Dude. It would probably be chill if Carson showed up to Japan and started to learn how to drift and stuff. No one has a problem with that. Imagine 20 years from now, people are like, his name is is like takumi yeah and it's just like he's just a drift king you don't want to shift that into third and also that shit you did after watching that movie carson probably is a decent shot at beating a better driver than the dude in that movie oh and fast at the actual movie in tokyo drift the southern southern guy? That movie? At Tokyo Drift. He was terrible, yeah. Tokyo Drift guy.

Okay, wait. Real quick. Yeah, go back. Someone put him on their list. No. Yes. Ludwig. No, he had to be on the list to get in. He had to be on the list to get in.

They check your name. You get a plus one. You get a plus one. You get a plus one. Yeah, but my name was on the list. No, no, no. But when you're on the list, you can bring a plus one. Yeah.

Like live at the event, you can bring a plus one. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I actually didn't know that. Someone brought him. Yes. Surely someone brought him. you can bring a plus one. Yeah. Like live at the event, you can bring a plus one. I didn't know that. I actually didn't know that. Someone brought him. Yes. Surely someone brought him. I've got a fantastic guess.

I've got guesses on guesses. This is becoming the tea episode. This is the tea. This is good for our... Fuck Mark Wahlberg. Yeah. He could have stopped 9-11, though. He probably could have done it.

2.30 a.m. crew doesn't exist. Dude, 2.30 a.m. crew is insane. 4 a.m. is the cutoff for the hustle. Hey, 5 a.m. crew, I've been up since yesterday, last week. Fucking. Did you know Mark Wahlberg beat a man until he was blind? Yeah. Yeah.

Because of his race. Yeah. Did you watch the truck cast? Did you ever watch the full thing? No, I was. We brought it up. We talked about that, and we talked about how Jesse Eisenberg, once again, the callback, I guess. watch the full thing? I never, no. We brought it up. We talked about that and we talked about how

Jesse Eisenberg, once again, the callback, I guess. I can't believe we're doing this again. Jesse Eisenberg wants to fuck his mom so bad that he married... How bad does he want to fuck his mom? He married a woman that looks just like his mom.

I Googled it because I thought it was a thing and it's not a thing. And he probably fucks her regularly. You think this is a you guys thing? Now we have to revisit this because Ludwig thinks it's an us thing. And he probably fucks her regularly. Wait, you think this is a you guys thing? Now we have to revisit this because Ludwig thinks it's an us thing. Just look at the evidence. No, I'm saying, like, if you Google this, it's not, like, auto-populates. Like, did you mean Jesse Eisenberg fucks a woman that looks like his mother?

Oh, I see. You're not saying that they don't look similar. I'm saying you guys are the first people to say this. No, 100% not true. No, I think – didn't you bring this up to us? Who brought this up the first time? It was both. Here's a good chance to use

a zipper moment. Could we bring up, do you have the means to bring up a side-by-side of Jesse Eisenberg's wife and Jesse Eisenberg's mother and then we can decide what we... If I didn't spend $13

on a Now You See Me 2 ticket, I would veto this, but the movie sucked so bad that I're ready to bear down to bury just like you see me I like that movie original is fine. The song to do is horses where they throw the cart around in a 15 minute scene Yeah, it's like all right. Come on bro. I hate that movie. It's like a magic film. Yes. Yes think of a magic movie But it's all adding Yes, yes. Think of a magic movie, but it's all editing. So it would be like, we're in Paris now.

The plot is that they're like thieves, but they're like, what's it called? They're like white hat thieves or whatever. They rob banks and give it to the public, stuff like that. Wow, these magicians are so sick. And they use magic. Okay. They do use magic. Sounds terrible. Instead of pulling out of the hat like a rabbit, they pull like, oh, it's your fucking fat

snacks in the back. And the bank teller's like, what? It's actually, I think Now You See Me 1 is a good movie. It's been out for long enough that I think the plot twist at the end

is not earned at all. And that is the biggest problem with that movie. When David Blaine starts jelking himself. Yeah, that one. I'm not going to disagree with it. I'm just going to say

that I will never respect Eamon's movie opinions ever. Oh, 100%. On what? Also, you can't talk about spoilers. You also can't talk. There we go. We got that. Check it ever. Oh, 100%. Also, you can't talk about spoilers. You also can't talk. Okay, check it out.

All right, audio listeners, it's a picture side-by-side of Jesse Eisenberg and his wife and Jesse Eisenberg and his mother. And you say they look alike. Actually, can we get a different picture of his wife? This is a bad photo. This is a bad photo. This is a bad photo.

He has so many photos, and this is the first time that I feel like they look alike. He has the same sad eyes that, like, just look at his face, bro. I would feel so bad if Jesse Eisenberg heard this. How could you be sad when you're the lead

of my favorite movie? No, because like, if you get to the point in life where you can like, want to fuck your mom, marry someone who looks like your mom, and then fuck that person,

and then still get gigs. There you go. There you go. There you go. They do look somewhat similar. They both have a middle part. They both have purs middle part they both have pursed lips small eyes they look similar they look i'll give it to you they look similar isn't that a

thing though and you know what he has a beautiful wife and a beautiful mother doesn't the same thing exists in women isn't it called like a daddy issue when you want to have sex with someone that's like your father i don't think it's necessarily the the daddy issue idea is that fathers treat their daughters terribly and so they seek people who treat them terribly, and it's attributed to this idea called the daddy issue. But it's also, like, a really toxic thing. Yeah, I was going to say, it's like a dangerously played out show that's not really true. This is the podcast we want to read.

Yeah, we're one of these podcasts where Ludwig reveals that he's actually an incel. I think that— Yeah, he can't even go there. I can't even finish it. Okay, let's reel it it Okay let's reel it back Let's reel it back Jesse Osborne once fucked his mom Mark Wahlberg could have stopped 9-11

But now he works at it 4 in the morning And just screams racial slurs But we were at the 100 Thieves Networking event Everyone cares about a follow back Everyone's super weird This whole fucking culture is gross And fucking weird and

ludwig is in the center of it as like a dude wearing jorts and crocs with the car's eyes on them and he's just like yeah i'm ludwig and it's fucking crazy it's sick i can just be that and then the head of influencers at activision has to walk up to me to be like hey they have to take you seriously they have to take you seriously. They have to take me seriously. Why did you tell us that the ice cream was free? You did say that. It wasn't.

We all paid. You paid. No, I didn't pay. I got ice cream twice. You got booed? No, this is real shit. I didn't get any, but I was told by multiple people

that they paid after you said that. Dude, you handed them a card. No, no. I watched you do that. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not fucking with you. I got free ice cream. It was free ice cream?

I said, how much is it? And he's like, it's catered. I'm like, oh, sick. Oh, really? And I said, can I give you a card to tip? And he's like, no, but you can Instagram us out. So I made a post about them. I see.

Out of kindness. But it was free. Oh, I just assumed people were paying because people pass cards through the window and they must have just- They just kept saying no. You didn't even go up to the window. I did. I was standing next to somebody at the window i was with him i got you ice cream

yeah you know you paid i saw you hand the guy a card all right here's another thing welcome to the podcast this has been a running joke for a long time but one time i asked amon what his favorite movie was oh okay and we're gonna we're not gonna linger on this we're not gonna sit on this but he told me He thought about it real hard Because he thinks about questions you ask him Because he cares And then he said The social network

I didn't say that That's fucking not true Yes you fucking did Oh my god You said We are not going to linger on this This is how far This is how far this bit has gone

The social network I never This is You're so in your own world That you think I said that At no point have I ever said that I said When we talked about

The social network once No Top five Dude I don't even think It's in my top ten Then why didn't you Tell it to me dude No I said

I said You asked me if I liked The social network And I said Yeah it's like one of Like my favorite movies Like I think it's really good No I didn't

Yeah I literally I asked you what movie And then you told me The social network I don't just go to The social movie, and then you told me the social network. I don't just go to the social network. This is stupid. No, you did.

You literally did. Can I interrupt here? I'm going to interrupt. Yeah. Because you guys are arguing about this, and I get it. Here, you are arguing about the wrong thing. Because we could just bring up the fact that you've seen Avengers Endgame 17 times in a row. Holy shit.

I've seen it three times. We all met the one time where we didn't live at this house. We lived in an older house and Aiden got our internet shut down because he was torrenting Pirates of the Caribbean. No, that was... I did that way before when we all slept

in the closet. I pirated Interstellar. And I got the internet shut down. This is the story. Our internet kept getting shut down because you guys were pirating. I was pissed because it would shut down midstream because they just turn off the switch. You have to call. So a couple of my streams got shut down. I'm getting mad because this is my career.

So I keep messaging you guys. I'm like, stop this. It happens three more times. And I'm like, you motherfuckers, stop. Stop torrenting. Just buy it or just use a VPN, whatever use a VPN whatever downloading Pirates of the Caribbean Well Because I later find out cuz I call I call like the third time this happens I goes

What is it because they know and they're like yeah, it looks like somebody is currently downloading Pokemon Platinum. And it was me. You motherfucker. I was seeding it for four months straight. That's why I'm so pissed. Honestly, you're a homie. I'm a homie. And I said that.

I was like, dude, are you sure you're not like it's ROMs or something like Pokemon? I literally said that. And you're like, no way. No shot. No shot. No shot. There was one movie. And I was like like i'm not

pirating pirates of the caribbean over and over like this is it's not that would be funny i got you got like three sequels to go it's a ritual i had to get into it it's funny too because like pirating is very dead and the fact that we don't even think about that now is like and of course and we don't and we don't do it ourselves it was an ancient person i have to for roms well we don't we don't do it ourselves. It was an ancient have to for ROMs well allegedly yeah It's funny cuz you need the physical copy to justify you getting a ROM and you have like mint condition like stupid $70,000 copies of fucking video. I do have a $20,000 copy of Pokemon blue how do you fucking sleep at Jesus?

When did that happen? I'm learning about that right now. No, we had to do like a deep web deal with a guy that he knew. It was really annoying. It was really sketchy because you have to wire transfer it. So if he scams me, I just lose it. Yeah, and he can just disappear into the night. And the guy was labeled to me as Mizkif's guy. And he was awake at 6 a.m. And he was like, yeah, I was up watching Train.

And I'm like, all this sounds suspicious. And I gave that guy $40,000 for my Pokemon Red and Blue. Chase Bank is looking at your statements. It's like you're a child who got access to eBay. Yeah. It's insane. Yeah, they just want, as long as it keeps filling back up every fucking Twitch payout. They're like, I know we just called, and I know you said it was you, but you really buy a Pokemon card for $80,000.

You really do that. Because you just bought a Pokemon Snap Machine for $20,000, and it just feels like a weird string. That for $80,000. Because you just bought a Pokemon Snap Machine for $20,000. That was cheaper. How much is that? That was $20,000. That was $20,000. That was worth it. Dude, that's a rare machine from the 1990s.

It was worth it. It doesn't work. Yeah, well, Simon's fixing it. He's on his way. No, it works. I modified it. It prints custom pictures. Oh, you're a liberal.

Can we play it? Well, you can play computer games on it. No, no, no. Can we play Pokemon Snap and print them and it all works? Yeah. Oh, we're done now? Can we, like, play it? Well, you can, like, play computer games on it. No, no, no. Can we play Pokemon Snap and print them and it all works? Yeah. Oh, I'm going to do that later. We haven't booted it up yet. Listen, I would love to know if any listeners are incensed at the idea of Ludwig basically naming a couple things he's boughten that equals like a full-time salary from like a graduated

human being uh in a year because if i was listening to this i would be like fuck that guy also fuck the guy who makes it seem like he's not loaded after doing twitch and youtube with like two mil subs right so that's a good question what is the in between because i've asked you about this and you're like i was like do you feel uncomfortable like being a fucking like a jerk off, just like dumping money in dumb places? No, I love the perfect balance. And he said he was like, well, I think it's weirder to pretend that you weren't. Yeah, yeah.

And it's also weirder to do like the Logan Paul Ricegum. Yeah, where it's like fucking all you do is talk about the amount of money. But I don't think I flex my wealth obscenely, but there are some things that I buy and I'll just keep it. I don't tell everything I buy. You have such a weird range of assets in your life. Like you have the shittiest car. My car is worth,

how is it worth? Well, how much is it worth? Probably like seven grand. Right now? And then we paid four grand to repair it. Zero shot. No, we're above water on it.

I'm keeping it. That car is still good. She's chugging along. She's chugging. Don't say it's shitty. 111,000 miles. Don't say shitty. You're an asshole. I love that it. That car is still good. She's chugging along. She's chugging. Don't say it's shitty. Don't say shitty. You're an asshole. I love that car.

It gets from point A to point B. We have the same model. We have the same model. It is a shitty car. I'm glad you brought up the car because this is my one beef with slime. I bought slime, all right? A $50,000 beautiful car that Aiden told me was his favorite car which is true and slime still will use my shitty volkswagen jetta every day when i wake up occasionally i have to leave the house

i'll look outside and slime will just be gone i do think you're being a little unfair to why what i think i tell them why i don't this not mine. I've told you 100,000 fucking times. Look, you're not wrong. It's just— So you do know! I got you a $50,000 car, and you still use my car! So you're pretending that you didn't know, and now you do know. It's not that I don't know.

It's more that I'm still perplexed that I don't have my car. Well, it's because he hates the car I got him. Oh, that's not fair. That's not fair. I'm trying to keep the miles low because I'm waiting to get the title transferred so I can get a different car that I want that is still funny you did that title transferred yeah but I don't know I didn't I haven't I'm waiting for dig in the come in the fucking mail you goddamned idiot this is

like when you hold up like when someone gets you a scented candle for Christmas and it's like oh I don't really like teakwood but i'll definitely trade this and get like yeah you know raspberry or something but it's a car i never wanted to i was fine driving your car i don't need thousand dollars i don't like when you drive my car you should have just said that well but you didn't why because you don't communicate you just buy episode one right in the communication by the actual reason why you want to switch it in that i feel like the the root because it's not you don't want to trade it in just because there's this title transfer right oh yeah because it's a manual vehicle no that's not it at all i'm fine with it yeah i was pissed at first i was like this is annoying i got used to it i can drive it fine

now but the gas mileage is insanely low it's not practical for like my life i just want one that is practical and just more easy to use and i'm like yeah i have the opportunity to do this so i'm going to so that that i'm justified in all this the only reason it's taking so long is because i didn't want to drag his ass down to the dmv and do it all himself because i know how important his time is so i'm using his car and you don't go anywhere anyway dude i know but every time i do slime he does this thing where he's like i'm gonna go run errands and then he disappears for like eight hours and he's like sorry i was in costco there's traffic he does do that gets busy

and then i'm like bro i needed it that one day yeah and you have a whatever you have nine cars to use here everyone lets you we share cars like we share partners when we're like 50 year old like married people is that what you want you try to be a swinger i'm just saying that's what people do yeah and we we exchange a lot of fluids we share cars like uh like condoms you know yeah so instead of saying hey i need my car you should like find a car i'm tired of this you just bought a car because your language of speaking to people is just buying them things and then like sleeping until 1 p.m i feel like we've gone way too long without acknowledging

that slime is wearing pants from urban outfitters are we gonna talk about that look at them i didn't know they're from urban outfitters that is dice on them they're like 70s are those the most expensive pants you've ever purchased no how much are they they were like 60 bucks okay that's pretty good i think they're cool that's as high as i've ever paid this is. How much are they? They were like 60 bucks. Okay. I think they're cool. That's as high as I've ever paid for pants. This is pretty crazy considering I don't think I saw you wear pants in the first like six months

we lived together. All right, man. You want to hear how far gone I am down the influencer hole? Yes. Everything I'm wearing is sponsored. Yeah, that's true. Wow.

Wait, even the Crocs? Even the fucking Crocs are sponsored Crocs. You got brain rot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I Crocs? Even the fucking Crocs are sponsored Crocs. You got brain rot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I'm too far gone. Why don't you follow me back, man?

I'm going to stabilize. I'm going to stabilize. Okay. We talked. The 100 Thieves thing, did we get everything we wanted to say about that? Because that was like a weird thing that we, the party itself, we haven't really gone out and done something until like then, right? I'll say.

I haven't been to a gathering in a long time. I was sad I had to leave early. That party was fun. Okay. This is what I wanted to bring. Thank you for reminding me. You – what about – it was – you watched The Avengers like nine times, right? Yeah.

You casually watched The Avengers. You've probably watched all the Avengers movies nine times. That's probably true. This is like a huge normie thing, and I often, we will collectively condemn Aiden as the normie, right, of the group. He's like, he like hikes, he like does normie shit, he like speaks well and communicates well. Yeah, whenever we go on trips, Aiden's like

my Pokemon that I cast to use small talk with anyone. I can't believe you use small talk with Uber drivers like you care about what they have to say. It's not like he does care. And that's crazy. To me, it's beautiful. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to waste this person's time.

I don't want to be trapped in a conversation, but you're like, yeah. The thing is, I think Aiden runs a pretty decent cost-benefit where it's like if they don't want to talk to him, maybe he has a little bit of an awkward conversation. He feels it out. He stops talking to them. But maybe no one talked to them that day, and they wanted to be talked to they are having a better day now yeah don't don't nod smugly like yeah that's why i do remember so there is the the first like long uber ride i can remember where it was just me and you we're coming back from lax and there was this guy and we we had like a pretty long drive and he's just talking about how he makes music and like how he makes music for video games sometimes. And I'm like,

this sounds pretty fucking cool. Like, this is awesome, man. And we get out of the car, we finally get dropped off. And Simon's like, that was the worst fucking LA conversation.

Everybody in LA has got their bullshit, bro. And I'm like, what? That was like really nice. Like, and he's like, no,

everybody does that. Look, here's the thing. If you are a fan of any of us in the person you happen to meet randomly being if it's aiden so lucky you'll have the best conversation you lucked out oh yeah and if you got slime you got the worst that's not true that's not true i'm very nice to people i'm not saying it's bad i'm just saying it's the worst role of us four no nick is the worst really worst. Really? No, I'm not. Well, Eamon's the best because Eamon met a random viewer of mine twice in different states.

And now you have his number. Yeah. What? He texted me. He invited me to a 4th of July party this weekend on the beach. And I would've gone. I wanted to go. Why would you have gone? No, because it was hype. It sounded like a dope party. Dude, I met this guy, too.

He's pretty chill. Yeah. He's chill. Yeah. I would never go to a 4th of July party of a viewer of mine. I'd be a little concerned. It's a little different if you do it. It's different.

Yeah. It's a little different. Maybe on podcast episode 86, it's not so different. Yeah. But as of right now. I just think, like, for me, like, I'm sort of, we're, like, at the same level, you know? I'm just the guy so it's not weird for me to share that information you know who amin is amin just walks around the street

waiting for like yes theory to come up to him to be like hey you want to jump out of the plane i did see that video the one they made where they like uh cross the sahara in like a cold train yeah i was like man that's that's dope if to do that, you're just waiting for a human to come up and do that. They'll sweep you away and you'll be like, yeah, let's go. It's this Canadian blood

that you have. However, I think it was really funny in the group chat the other day. Someone brought up Catan and you were just like, I fucking hate that. It is an indictment of normie cult.

That's where your Venn diagram swings back to gamer. And I thought that was very poetic and beautiful but also surprising. Catan is the worst game that has ever been created that is also popular in a board game. What? I've never played it, but I've played Seven Wonders, and I love that game.

And I assume this was so good. I fucking hate Seven Wonders, and Seven Wonders is so much better. No, no, it's so much better. It's so much better, and Seven Wonders is shit. I hate Seven Wonders. I kind of want to become a board game guy. That's why I would like to make— You've been wanting to be a board game guy.

I want to make the Shroud transition from successful streamer to board game guy. I cannot believe you sit there. You sit there on your high fucking horse, and you make fun of me for watching Avengers too much, and you're like, I want to be the board game guy. I want to be the board game guy. No. Okay. He's in the wrong, too, okay? He's into a normie he's always been a normie he's just in like this

weird gamery body it's really interesting but you guys are pretty much the same that's actually this the shit we bond about the most i think when we're like when it's just us two and we're talking is usually talking about some sort of anecdotal normie experiences, I feel like. Yeah. That's disgusting to me. We love talking about whammy. Whammy? Yes, sir. Is that true? And we call them whammy.

We call them whammy. That's like a really important part of it. Speaking of women here, do you got something? No, I had something. Oh, wait. Oh, shit. Anything you want to say on behalf of women while we're here? Yes.

On behalf of all women, I would like to say, uh, keep it up. My wife. My wife. No, okay. So, one time in Arizona, we were hanging out with the Arizona guys, Ben, Yingling. Congratulations, by the way. Congratulations, yeah. And we played Seven Wonders.

We actually played it wrong. We didn't know, like, the ultimate rules of Seven Wonders. Yeah. And me and Ludwig had a secret $100 bet on the winner of the game against each other. But you don't want to tell the table that because they can influence the game, right? Right, right, right. So it's like Ben is at Ludwig's right. He was on my left, I believe.

It's like a five-person game of Seven Wonders, and we're playing. And Ludwig, he's like the whole time he thinks he's losing. And it's for $100. And this is when Ludwig was like pretty like, the whole time he thinks he's losing. And it's for $100. And this is when Ludwig was like pretty good, successful, right? $100 is like not a big deal. And he's so pissy. He is like pouting like a fucking baby. And he thinks he lost.

And he's just like, oh, fuck it. Because he just needs to lose like, he needs to beat me. And I'm like, I look like I have a lot more resources. You finally tally it up. Ludwig wins the entire game. Because he couldn't fucking count. Let me do this. And I'm like, fuck you, dude.

I have been, we made the whole sketch about Amon being, like, the loser of the group, right? Punching bag me even. The punching bag. I am that guy most of the time. I literally lose everything. No, no, you just actually lose. You just lose a lot. But Ben, if we're hanging out with

Ben or Nick, people will dunk on me. I'm like the dunking guy. Yeah. Because I'm just wildly successful, stronger, more attractive. Uncut. I got all my skin. Hey.

To all the uncut viewers out there. And all the cut viewers. We there. Oh, right, right. And all the cut viewers. We actually are divided across the room. That's how we decided to. That was the divide. So that's why. Because Ben was dunking on me the whole time.

That must be hard. He would not trade with me. Must be hard to beat you. Yeah, he was trying to torpedo you. It was really funny. Yeah. Ben's funny because he calls the linen cloth. He's like, this is paper towels.

Yeah. So I'm going to this is paper towels. Yeah. So I'm going to get some paper towels from Andrew, not Ludwig. So I was just getting boomed. I was getting boomed. I'm better at that now. I'm better at taking – I was worse at taking L's. And then I met Miles, and now I'm better at it. Well, there was old Ludwig.

We can talk about old Ludwig a little bit. It was like Ludwig getting drunk on the Mario Party setup with our friend Miles and Ben. I'd tell this better. I'd tell this better. Because Miles is an Australian man. And Australian men who play Melee have this thing where they passively, aggressively say insults to you constantly while you play video games. Oh, yeah. They cast.

They cast the games. Yes. While they're playing. Oh, it looks like he doesn't want to go down there. Yeah. Just like anything you do wrong will just be like a small snide. Yeah. And it's like consistent little jabs over the course of hours.

And me, I'm very silent. I'll talk to myself. And so I will take this all in, much like Venusaur charging up a solar beam. And then after an hour, I will try to do it back, but I do it back badly. So I'll be like, Miles, you've never met up to anything. You are literally jobless. You have no money No hose you're by yourself in life. You have no future Miles will talk to me and he's like he crossed the line I'm like, yeah, it's hard to explain you guys really dig it into him. But yeah

I'm like, yeah. It's hard to explain. You guys are really digging into him, but he did. So that's what used to happen. And now I've found out this is what every influencer does. This is what Jake Paul does. You just say, oh, fuck it. Like, I can beat you in a fight. I have more money.

That's what the Logan Paul to Jake Paul is. Yeah. And so then – I'm physically stronger than you, and I could buy your entire family. Yeah, the ninja too. Yeah, right. The ninja. What is it?

I could buy your entire family line the ninja too yeah the ninja the ninja what is it i could i could buy your entire family line yeah or family tree well it's a it's a the people who say that are not happy oh no you know what i mean not at all like ninja i think is the most is very close to clinically depressed okay okay well that's allegedly that's not alleged that is a doctor and i believe this to be true. He does look a little gaunt. On the first podcast. I would never have Ninjana. To be clear, I don't like doing the Jake Paul Logan fall, but I see why they go that route.

Yeah, because it's easy to say. Yeah. And also, that's like what, I guess the young crop of people who watch influencers is like, that's what they value, right? It's like, oh, do you got money, bitch? Yeah, I guess you don't. Or it's like, are you fucking yoked, brother you six two yoked oh you aren't guess guess you suck right so it's like it's this like masculine identity that is very valuable yeah and uh you are 511 so you you get there i've just improved on taking the l i think i have well you have you

didn't you didn't prove on taking the l. You just are a bigger W, right? Maybe. How do you make fun of somebody who has more money than you ever have? I feel like to me, it's kind of like saying, yeah, it's got a lot better at saving, but it was simultaneously while you

became rich. I'm like, I mean, yeah, you got better at taking heat while being a fucking millionaire and handsome. Yeah. Good job, I guess. Yeah, you're right. It's a lot easier to do it when you have nothing to worry about. You can almost

answer this question with a scenario though. Do you think if you're not rich, I think you still roll up to the bagel shop in the Crocs and the Naruto crop top. I think so, too. So you sort of set yourself up to be made fun of in that sense. The one thing that has changed is I have min-maxed my life. So whatever I was good at before, I've tried to be better at. And whatever I was bad at, I stopped doing gave up yeah so like i used to run all the banking stuff for

the reeds for scar and toe now i have to ask slime to log into my own bank account he has dude it's crazy he is like he's like a turtle on his back whenever he needs the smallest thing done and he's just like so let's answer answer this. Hey, okay, people are asking me this a lot. People are curious about this. I can't answer it. Has Ludwig changed? Do you miss the old Ludwig? No. Oh, fuck no. Miss the old Ludwig? No. The old Ludwig was more insecure,

and it was a source of you being less funny, which I find not valuable. For me, you just... The old Ludwig... Such a nerd. The old Ludwig was meaner more often. Okay. So I'm nicer now. Yes.

My perspective is a little twisted, right? Because I wasn't around back then. You caught me at like 300 viewers. Yeah. Early on. Yeah. You measure your life by viewers like things on a tree. I think my earliest interaction with you was that weekend at Pat's house

in San Diego and you would not stop reciting Lil Pump lyrics. My big love do cocaine. Yeah. You also wouldn't stop doing accents.

That was the accent weekend. I had a pretty fire No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't say anything because you didn't. If I can leak, if I can leak a little bit. Yeah.

So the night that I met Ludwig was when we housed you for a smash tournament. Let me preface this by saying I'm great with little bit. Yeah. So the night that I met Ludwig was when we housed you for a Smash tournament. Let me preface this by saying I'm great with first impressions. Continue. I'm not going to tell the story you think I am. Oh. After that, I actually had a few people who were my friends say negative things about meeting you.

But I bat for you. Is this the night where I showed everyone my asshole? Okay, sure. If we're going to go down that hole. This is the night where during a game of Mafia when the moderator said, and medic, please raise your head. You got up and Archie, Archie, blow this. And you spread your asshole to whoever the medic was so that they would laugh

and you would know who the medic is so you could cheat. This was that night. Yes. You really were willing to put it all on the line back then. Wait, why would people have a bad impression of that night? The running theme that I was told was that you came off kind of jockey or like egotistical. However, I think that has kind of shed away. I will say that I was in that environment as well, and I thought it was super funny.

I loved Ludwig. And it made me think, like, hey, Ludwig's funny. Do you think he's the first improv kid to ever come off as Jockey? No. There's a couple of them. I do have a good mix, but I am now typecasted because of that. If I play a role, it's usually, like, the doucher protagonist instead of, like, the actual, like— One time I was at, like, this party for—it for it was just like people i kind of knew from work and um they were like they're like writer types

like actor types like your typical like la dregs like slug people like trying to make it right um and like the uber driver there was this guy like that uber driver there was this guy and he's actually really nice he's a nice guy he's like hey uh what do you think like what kind of role do you think i always get and uh i was like i don't know and he's like high school bully how old do you think i am i was like i don't know he's like i'm 28 it was crazy that's a weird thing to say no it was in the middle of a conversation we didn't know each other it was fine was he he really burnt about that then? No, it was more just like, he wasn't burnt about it.

He was just like, this is how this works. I think that's what, if I played a role in Sky High, it'd be stretchy arm guy. It would not be Armstrong, hero who saves the day. I'd be evil stretchy arm guy.

Yeah, you would be. I'd be the hot chick who was the bad guy the whole time. No, you'd be glow-in-the-fucking who's the bad guy glow in the fucking dark shingle boy Aiden's the guy in the zombie movie who's like do you get bit and he's like Lift up your shirt. He's like well These are my shingles from before I had Movie but a guy has shingles from before the apocalypse. I had this before. A zombie movie, but a guy has shingles, and everyone thinks it's a zombie.

And I have to explain to every new town we run into that these are just actually shingles. You can Google this. You can Google the internet. I don't know. No, I know that people who get shingles are usually like 80, but I – Yeah. It's like the King of the Hill where Bobby gets gout because he eats chicken livers too much. That's you now. I don't want to be Bobby with gout. You where Bobby gets gout because he eats chicken livers too much. That's you now.

I don't want to be Bobby with gout. You are Bobby with gout. Have we shook hands during his pod? You shook his hand. Come on. I did. Oh, I forgot. Have you been touching your shingles?

No. I can touch them. Imagine before the potty just rubs them. Yeah, you shook hands with him, and you shook hands over having skin on your penis. Oh, damn it. And I am so far free and i can do this i think your feet are gross i feel bad for my video listeners there are dude there are people who think feet are disgusting vile things and there are other people who just they're

like hands but down there i am hands but down there to a point of which you want them but you want the feet okay do a little ugliest hands you've ever seen are not as ugly as the ugliest feet you've ever seen have you seen megan fox's hands come no no no no wait are they ugly no we won't do this oh you're gonna call ninja depressed you're gonna say i didn't say this jesse eisenberg fucks his own mother but you won't say that megan fox's weird hands that's where you draw the line to be fair to be fair megan fox is less likely to consume this piece of media. Yeah. However, Megan Fox is like a great looking person. And then she was people like incels would be like her thumbs are gross. Yeah, they're fucking idiots.

She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. She's also dating someone 10 years younger than her. But her thumb does look kind of like when you forget to hold control in Photoshop and then you resize and it only goes in one of the dimensions. It does kind of look like that. Is it weird that she's dating Machine Gun Kelly who's like 10 years younger than her no that guy fucking pulls what about Olivia Wilde dating Harry Styles that's beautiful they're both so hot 10 years 28 38 that is that's weird no that's a little weirder but

it's fine what is it what's the math what's your age divided by two plus seven that's what it is yeah dude when you get older it's all out the window right It's not weird. What's your age divided by 2 plus 7? That's what it is, yeah. Dude, when you get older, it's all out the window, right? It's like— 10 years, though? Dude, once you're like 22, 23, I don't— And you know Harry Styles is going to age like a fucking fine wine. Look, if they both go to see Ready Player One, everything's going over Harry Styles' head. And Olivia Wilde catches everything.

I feel like there's bigger things at play between them. Wait, do you mean that the other way around? No, no, that's important. You mean that the other way around. Olivia Wilde's 10 years older. She gets all the ancient video game references. She wouldn't know, right? No, no, no, because Ready Player One that the other way around. Olivia Wilde's 10 years older. She gets all the ancient video game references. She wouldn't know, right? No, no, no, because Ready Player One's 80s references.

Do you love that movie? No, I've never watched it. That movie was not good. It's horrible. It's a terrible movie. It was not good. I watched a podcast that reviewed it. There's like Overwatch shit in that movie.

Because they shit it on it. You think Olivia Wilde knows about Overwatch shit? So while we're still on movies, can I say one thing? Olivia Wilde knows who Bobby Cody is. Yeah, while we're still on movies. Please. One time, me and Aiden were watching an amazing movie

that we had multiple recommendations for from multiple people who are in the film industry and know a lot about movies. This movie's called Bellflower. One of my favorite movies of all time. You should watch it. Me and Aiden are watching Bellflower. It's a great movie, by the way. There's around 30 minutes left in the movie

and Aiden just goes, I'm going to go to bed. And then gets up and gets in bed and then reads the ending on Wikipedia on his phone. What the fuck? Did you not know this? For what it's worth. What? My defense. My defense.

No, no, no. Let me revel in this for a moment. You went to fucking bed and then read about it? He read the ending. Instead of just finishing it later, he read the ending and he goes, hmm, that sounds interesting. And then he comes to me and he's like, I kind of liked it. Listen, we were in the car getting coffee in the next morning

and I had already seen this movie and I was like, oh, how did you like the movie? And Nick was like, oh, it's great. Sick movie. And then Aiden was like, yeah, it was really good. And then Nick was like... I even clarified! I said, from what I watched! No, no. I think Nick initially got upset because you, like, definitively were like, yeah, it's pretty good.

And then Nick was like, you went to bed early. In a way to say, you don't get to say that. Yeah. Go finish the fucking movie. I did. And then he revealed to us – And specifically with this movie, the last 30 minutes are, like, by far the most insane part of the movie. And he reveals to us what he did up in his room.

And then we spent the whole car ride back talking about how he's a psychopath. Were you ashamed for saying it? No, because it just doesn't matter. I even finished the movie, and I enjoyed it. I liked it. Eamon read one article.

I'm going to tell you something. This is facts. Tell about the article. Tell me about the article that you cite all the time. This is like a studied phenomena. Basically, you can take a group you can test this against a control group. Somebody who has had a piece of media spoiled for them does not enjoy the piece any

less than the group who does not have the media spoiled for them. Because of facts and logic. Here's a fun fact. I did not have it. I'm of facts. Here's a fun fact. I told us on my chat. Yeah. That study was debunked. Also,

it was in a highlights for children magazine. That study was debunked. That part isn't true. That wasn't the back of the zoo. It was in goofus and galant. This is, this is debunked. I am. Look,

let's just zipper. Check this out for us. Is it debunked? Cause I look let's just zipper check this out for us is it debunked because i heard it from my twitch chat and i thought that this study is debunked check the snopes you're coming in hard for someone who doesn't actually know right now if it is true that the study was debunked do you still stand by your theory because it's no longer back no if it's been debunked then i will change my opinion that's insane this is a flat earther who found an article that said, nah, bro, you're not capping.

That shit is flat. He's like, see? It's a dogged website. I'm the opposite. I'm changing my opinion based on new information. We're just lucky that he found the right information along the way. Because he could have easily been like, hey, you guys. We don't even know if it's been debunked.

We're going to find it out. We don't even know if it's been debunked. Anyway, I wanted to say that, first of all, I didn't know how much of the movie was left. So it could have been an hour. It could have been 45 minutes. That is definitely super easy to find out. You just press pause once, and then it says it. Yeah, but then I have to interrupt the movie experience for everybody else watching.

You just scroll, and then it shows the bar at the bottom. Oh, yeah, also scrolling. Yeah, I went and saw Hamilton, but I muted it while I was watching it but i really liked what i really like okay you know what let's let's let's throw some dirt on some other people because aiden did bad remember when we watched lighthouse yes we did a couple's watching of lighthouse oh wait me and my girlfriend cutie nick and his girlfriend lexi all right the movie lighthouse black and white two and a half hours very artsy, very long. I'm gaming in the corner

for the entire thing. He's gaming in the corner. Yeah. Yeah. It's like some of the most intense acting from Willem Dafoe ever. And Aiden's just like,

fuck, dude, one mid. Come on. No, you have to tell me if there's someone mid. I also have blue keys. I have like cherry blues. Yeah, he's like on my keyboard. So it's like really fucking next. I also have blue keys. I have like cherry blues. Yeah, he's like on my keyboard switch. It's like really fucking loud.

I'm smoking mid. And then it's like Willem Dafoe just saying the most important speech of the movie. Just jelking slowly. Okay, so we watch this movie. Halfway through, your girlfriend falls asleep. Yeah, classic. Ten minutes in, my girlfriend whips out her phone

because she always likes having multiple screens. All right, she's she's like ADHD The movie ends Me and Nick are like, oh, yeah, look at each other. Yeah, if they got our corncob pipes. Yeah, we go So what did you think about this film? Yeah Why Lexi and cutie both pipe up there like that was trash. I hated it. No, no, let me let me add some spice Yeah, Lexi goes It was okay Cutie goes

Boo Like that she goes Boo I heard this story and it made me not like her for a month That is Terrible I was like That is insane that you just Like a cartoon character the way it would appear

As onomatopoeia in like a square. I like the movie. She goes, oh, and it's like a bit. Steamboat Willie. Yeah. She doesn't like the movie. There's something to be said about a movie not holding your attention so that you fall deeper going on your phone. But it was more so that they were saying like, yeah, I didn't like the movie overall.

No, I think it hurts when someone is like disengaged with a piece of media for the whole time and then forms an opinion and then is unable to explain it after. Well, it's fine to say the movie did not hold my interest. No, I think that's okay. But you have to give it more than 15 minutes, I feel like. I think falling asleep is also kind of okay because sometimes you're tired. Sometimes you're just tired. You fall asleep during good movies. I never fall asleep during movies except for that one time Where we We tried to watch like Every Oscar nom

Yeah And it was like 5am We're watching fucking Jojo Rabbit I fell asleep I was so tired You did pass out But I do everything in my power

I like Jojo Rabbit To stay through a movie Because I want to finish it I watched Fallen Angels The other day At Lexi's place And I was so fucking tired Halfway through the movie

I was like This might end up being One of my favorite movies ever And then I fell asleep I've never done that before Alright Just how it is is inconclusive results right now we're on that's for the uh the study inconclusive i'm going to war i'm going to war all right viewers viewers will figure this out for us we'll use their hive mind i don't know if you guys know maybe we have a researcher part of the study who can find out here's the thing like the reason why we were so

baffled at aiden is because he just said with utmost confidence an opinion about something he did not finish and then i clarified after i think that's the part that hurts is that is i i put my asterisk on it i i uh yeah but you still vehemently stood behind it like a dipshit. Can I not say that I liked the movie? No. No, you stood behind the idea

that it was okay to say that you said that you liked it. I'm going to take the heat off Eamon. This has been the Eamon roast show. Yeah, because he has shingles. He's gross.

I was going to say this next. I'm in pain right now. After we made the sketch to promote the show, I got a decent amount of comments from people who were like, ha ha, yeah, fuck aiden or something

I do all those people just bought them. I'll block them to all those people go fuck yourself. Do you love a man? We love aiden he's our friend and we're dunking on him because we like him and we dunk on each other too So I do you don't get to say shit. I got a good heat transfer here Nick okay? Oh, oh dude. Oh What's going on? Yeah, this is great. What? What? I don't like this. Oh, you're good, man. Nick.

Where are you going? What's happening? I don't like this at all. Wait, why are you still doing this? I don't like this at all. Are you going to be mad? I don't know. I'm not going to be mad. Nick, you recently celebrated your girlfriend's birthday.

It was great. It was great. Oh, shit. Is it that? What do you think? Go on. Go on. Keep going.

Go on. Go on. So walk us through what you did for your girlfriend's birthday oh god okay you went the whole day or just like the end just give us like a like a brief throughout the whole day well we we uh we rode some nice swans in echo park and okay it was very romantic there's some polaroids uh i tried to keep getting a polaroid of a duck in the water but like as i get closer it'd like run away it's cute bullet points slower i want to tell a story.

And then I took her to a restaurant that I looked up online. This is not it. We'll circle back to this. Oh, what? You don't know about this. You got your girlfriend what physical items? For her birthday. Oh.

So, look, if you ever have a girlfriend, There's some classic items You get your girlfriend right Like jewelry Maybe Maybe You know A big teddy bear And flowers Oh flowers

Yeah I got flowers Yeah Okay What's happening Do you remember the flowers You got Yeah Yeah

Were you happy with the flowers Wait Did you Interesting What Nick Ordered flowers Tell them what we were doing Okay We're in the gym working out No no tell them Interesting. What? Nick, ordered flowers.

Tell them what we were doing. Okay, we're in the gym working out. No, no, tell them. Me, Slime, and Aiden. No, Aiden's gone. Oh, it was just me? Yeah, he showed up. We were pumping so hard. We were pumping iron in the gym.

Okay. We get a delivery. Okay. From 1-800-Flowers.com. Yeah, yeah. First of all, you can never order birthday flowers from 1-800-Flowers.com. Yeah, yeah. First of all, you can never order birthday flowers from 1-800-Flowers.com. Wait, why? Because it's like getting a necklace from Amazon for someone's birthday.

It's not – Wait, I've done this before, and it comes in the vase. That's what happened to me the first time I did this. So this came in a cardboard box. Fuck, I don't know. With six sad, mopey, dead sunflowers. And we were like – And the one we tried it, he was like, we goty, dead sunflowers. And we were like, and Philon would shred it. He was like, we got to set this up for him.

Like, we got to set this up for when they're back. Oh, my God. I did not know this happened. No, you didn't. Because we see this box. It's her birthday. You're out. I send you a text.

I said, when do you get home? And you're like, not till late. And that's why I texted you. Because they're the most pathetic sunflowers. They were literally, like, drooping over. They're like, I want to fucking kill myself the most pathetic sunflowers. They were literally like drooping over. They're like, I want to fucking kill myself. Dude, they were gross. And it was a giant vase for six that just flopped over.

Dude, I look, I fucking, I ordered those flowers last minute. I was like, shit, I forgot to get flowers. Yeah, because you used 1-800-Flowers. You can't use 1-800-Flowers.com. You guys act like I was watching full house and a commercial came on and i said that sounds like a good idea has it not i just fucking i just fucking google you google flowers i need flowers for my girlfriend right now as opposed to what calling my flower guy you use the number one sponsored result on google yeah sure yeah i believe that i believe that will

do me good why is that so crazy it's just it's just insane to use the sponsored result from the number one thing when you google flowers it's like if a monkey had to get someone a gift and they were like you're wearing a diaper and sweating while you did it here's what i did here's what i did because i saw that i was like that's not gonna fly this is gonna look really bad. You're going to have to be like, oh, I didn't know they'd be like this. I call a local flower shop, a florist. I say, get me a sunflower bouquet in the next hour. And they're like, got you. I will say when I saw them, I was like,

damn, the picture did not look like this. These look good. I was really confused. So we got home from our date or from her birthday was kind of date. And we walk in the kitchen and I was actually, okay, this is actually funny. I was actually mad because I saw the flowers, but I had like purposely selected on the website, this like little jar that has sunflowers all over it.

Cause I was like, oh, she'll really like that. She loves sunflowers. And then I came home, they were in a vase and I was like, why are they in the vase? I bought the sunflower thing i was like someone must have just fucking did this yeah and i was pissed and i was like oh well here are the flowers and she's like thanks in my head i was like the flowers look pretty fucking good i didn't pay that much money i spent like 50 bucks on flowers no way dude okay you spent 50 bucks for six sad flowers for me to get 12 sunflowers with like a green florist uh bouquet arrangement in the vase oh no

30 bucks yeah wait why you just do that dude don't use the fucking google i know monkey diaper just go down the street you know what now i know what was your game plan it's really close by the way what do you mean because it comes in a cardboard box i didn't know this okay okay look i have literally ordered from this website before and it came in the vase and they were all great. So I was like, let's do that shit again. Yeah. It came in a vase. We just, no, it came in a cardboard box. No, no, no. Mine was like set up with water in a vase. The first time I did this, we swapped, we did, we did swap. It's in that vase you got now. Actually I swapped it. I just say, by the way, 1-800-Flowers. We are still looking for sponsors for the pod.

Do not sponsor us. I feel like it's an opportunity that we're squandering. Fuck 1-800-Flowers. They got some free promotion for their diaper flowers. But I want you to know I got yours. Yeah, it was a really nice thing for him to do. No handshake. I'm Shingle Boy.

I'm Shingle Boy. I'm Shingle Boy now. I touched Shingle Man. He's not Shingle Boy. I'm Shingle Boy. I'm fucked right now. You're Shingle Man. I'm the only Shingle Man. You are Shingle Man. Do not forget that. So you admit it. I'm Shingle Man, not Shingle Boy. I'm Shingle Boy now. I touched Shingle Man. He's not Shingle Boy. I'm Shingle Boy. I'm fucked right now. You're Shingle Man. I'm the only Shingle Man.

So you admit it. I'm Shingle Man, not Shingle Boy. And we can't correct a record. Real quick, speaking of sponsors, this podcast is sponsored by... Would you like to sponsor the Yard podcast? Archie, you got us. Please contact the Yard to sponsor the Yard podcast. Your message here.

Are we supposed to all be talking at once? Sir, why not go check out our Twitter account at the Yard? sponsor the Yard podcast. Your message here. Also, why not go check out our Twitter account at the Yard? Yes, I did just use this sponsored segment to shout out the Twitter account. What are you going to do? Thank you so much. It's crazy that you two were talking over each other for that whole thing.

That is going to be hard for Archie. He'll figure it out. Here's the thing. We have one. We don't know if they'll be ready for the first week, so we're going to have to dub over for the ad read. But hopefully they get here. We're going to clutch it out. Hopefully this podcast becomes profitable. You know what my goal with this podcast is?

Yeah. I want you all to make enough money that you show up to this podcast, specifically you, and you make more than you would at your regular job. Podcasts, specifically you, and you make more than you would at your regular job, and you work way less, and you're like, I have to do a nine to five instead of just sitting up in my attic for an hour and making as much. And then I quit and work for you. And then you quit and work for me. Yeah, I am seeing all the numbers. Ludwig drunkenly at the 100 Thieves party comes up.

I'm talking to a friend at the party, and I'm talking to him about the yard. I was like, hey, we actually, you know, we're looking for a social guy. I want to talk to you. Do you want to do the thing? And Ludwig comes up. He's like waving around. He comes up and he goes, you know what my plan is? You know what my plan is? So it's Zeke.

That's who I'm talking to. He's like, you know what, Zeke? Eight months is all I give him. I give him eight months. I know. Eight months is going to be working for me. And I'm like, why are you doing this right now? Stop doing this.

I'm speaking into reality. The answer is Ludwig has changed. Oh, we're circling back to that? In what way? Because he would never do that before. You don't think so? No. Do you think that's just because he didn't have the means to do so?

He didn't have the means to do that. I worked at Best Buy. I can't really be like, yo, this is pissing me off forever because Ludwig puts the inflection on buy when he says Best Buy. Why do you do that? Wait, what's wrong with that? Best buy. No, best buy. Well, so I'm sorry.

Did you work there? No, I did not work there. Did you work there? No. Us polo blue soldiers? Okay, yeah. Who served. I do not mean to steal your valor.

One tour, West LA, the biggest best buy west of the Mississippi in terms of sales. I served there, okay? So it is Best Buy. But not a physical building. Why do you do that? I don't know. I just think I inflect things differently sometimes. I remember you said Valorant wrong for like seven years.

I don't even know how I would say that wrong. Valorant. Yeah, you say and. It's fine. Valorant. Love to be in a casual conversation at a donut shop the other day, looks at the person next to him, and uses the term jebaited. Like a normie person who's just trying to deliver a DoorDash.

That has become a problem. This is a problem that escalates. This is how you have changed, I think. This is like, as your fame increases, your willingness to just throw out Twitch terminology to regular people also increases. You don't care at all anymore. You also swear when you order food. Do I?

When you ordered food the other day and you're like, yeah, can I get the tonkatsu and can I get the shit on the top? And I was like, the only reason this is fine is because he tips like a massive insane tip all the time. But he has this fucking – Ludwig's bits all come from places of deception. And one of his favorite bits is going to Starbucks and asking for the work. I hate to – He goes, hey. He goes, hey. Because he's never in the driver's seat.

He's never in the driver's seat. Because he doesn't drive because he's a fucking baby. And he goes – He's a turtle. You can't complain about Starbucks bits. You can't complain about starbucks funny look i talked about baby i have something for him okay we'll get there we'll get there but he goes hey give me oatmeal he taps into a give me oatmeal give me oatmeal and i'm like okay don't do that and i'm like yeah can i get one oatmeal and he goes hey and ask for the works and i look at him and i say i say if i look

at this speaker on the drive-throughru and I I ask for the works are they going to know what I'm talking about and he's like yeah yeah and I'm like yeah and I'll can I get those with the works you make him say and they're and they're like what excuse me and loving loses his fucking mind he thinks this is the funny. I look at your fucking ass But on the on the note on the note of slime and bits earlier today. We're in the same my jokes are harmless Can we say that they're very? Not a good example of a harmful joke but earlier in the drive-thru at Starbucks we order and then slime this gets out of the car So I'll do And he starts walking. So I'll do a thing.

So he starts walking, right? And he goes, he walks next to, he goes right in the wind. And he's riding by, and he does one of these. And I'm like, and so I pull up. And then he just gets back in the car and doesn't explain what he was just doing. That's a Miskif thing. Miskif would do that. Yeah, but I called back to it and I made everyone laugh. No, that is not true.

Is it not? I did not laugh. Get Brandon up here. Get Brandon Sarah Ewing up here. Adrioc laughs at fucking... Is his middle name Sarah? I've got to spread that. His middle name is Sarah.

Oh, yeah. Brandon Sarah Ewing? He showed me his ID the other day. I know that guy. Brandon Sarah Ewing. We're going to end the video. 5'9". It's a girl's name. Yeah. I was like, that's crazy answer. Oh, yeah, Brandon. Sarah Ewing. Yeah, I know that guy Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna say are you gonna video five nine the girl's name? Yeah, that's great insane and video investor Yeah, you just you just like the other day. We're going through the drive-through and you're like hey They're like hey, what would you like to Starbucks? You're like uh rest in peace, baby. He died too young. Oh Yeah, Could I get

Or the time that I went through And I was like Yeah can I get a cold brew And can I get some The chocolate macarons And then Slime Leans over my shoulder Oh this is my chocolatey boy

My chocolate boy Can I get some chocolate For my chocolatey boy He's my sweet chocolatey man Yeah He's my little tiny baby boy Ready for school now This one was a while ago

But it was You were in the back seat And I was trying ago, but you were in the back seat, and I was trying to order, and you just in the back seat, you said, shut up. And the lady on the mic was like, oh, I'm sorry. That felt bad. And she heard the whole thing. And then Slime walks it back and apologizes.

Yeah, because I need her to know that I wasn't talking to her. I was talking to – And we were laughing because we didn't know you could hear that. Because he was in the back of the car. That one felt bad. But my bits are never meant to make service workers feel worse because I've been in that situation. We get in and we get out, right?

We never waste their time. And then, you know, it's just like a car of assholes Do you think that you have never accidentally done that? I might have accidentally done it But usually if I think I did I will clarify If slime ghost ride the whip Under gaming

Pulls you to the drive through and they hear your voice Best case is they're just a little more on edge I want you to know that one is really funny really funny. I think that one is really funny Don't shake shingle boy. You're a Will say I hate that my thighs are out why cuz I got three trunks you can flash You have fucking can I have no hair? Tree trunks You can flash that Fucking hat right now

You have fucking cannons Down there I have no hair Pasty white Cannons Yeah I got cannons It is all you can see When you look at

Why is there a big circle On your knee What is that from It looks weird Oh this is a scar From what Okay so we're playing We used to play

Like two hand touch football Yeah And in like Fifth grade This guy with shingles Shows up Gross And we played on the pavement

And one time William Vandermeer Who's part of the Vandermeer twins in like fifth grade. This guy with shingles shows up gross. We played on the pavement. And one time William Vandermeer, who's part of the Vandermeer twins, which they literally bought Facebook years later. While we're playing, I get the ball, two hand shoves. I hit the ground, skin gone. On the grass? No, this is a pavement.

Oh wow. Yeah, and I'm just, skin's gone. And then it was one of those things where you have a scab, and I just kept reopening it, because I kept hitting my knee, because I kept growing, and I kept not adjusting to my body. So for like 18 months, I would just reopen the scab, and now it's a perma-scar. That's gonna be

a shingle. William Vandermeer fucked me. Yeah, yeah, your knee scar really fucked your... It fucked up my life.'ve fucked with your the ladies Yeah, your thank you for saying that yeah, you know what I weirdly didn't notice until recent is this thing Yeah, next year. I got that in your shit hole of a country you got that in Canada What were you doing? Oh you did something to get you getting eyes? We're in Canada, and I fell and And I hit here. It's the one on the other side of your face, right? No, it's this side. No, other side.

Look at this big, giant, disgusting pockmark. It's that side. I'm getting old as fuck. Oh my god, it's this side. I also have a scar there. It's like a pink mark. I fell and it split open and my mom and dad just didn't bring me to the hospital.

They just bought like butterfly band-aids at like, I don't know what you have. Like Tesco's Juniors. Which is funny because those are for girls. The kid kids leaking again Just put a spit on them Yeah And so they did that and it doesn't you get a scar then so I just have a scar just cuz my parents didn't fix

It correctly. I have a big-ass scar on my forehead that no one notices until I pointed out this guy up here It gives you a fire. Oh, yeah Yeah, and everyone thinks I just have a really straight hairline like that entire thing is just a scar No, I mean I notice it because when you go bald all you look at our people's hairlines and Lud that entire thing is just a scar that goes up my head. I notice it because when you go bald, all you look at are people's hairlines, and Ludwig is up next. Dude, I found out the shampoo I uses. I uses my shampoo.

I uses it. It makes people go bald. Welcome to hell. That's the recalled one. There's a class action lawsuit against OGX shampoo. No way. A class action lawsuit against OGX. It's made by Johnson and fucking Johnson. Oh, and you got the wrong vaccine now. Those fuckers made shampoo that makes you go bald.

And I use it every day. Maybe that also compromised my immune system. It makes it so Nick's scar makes him look like he has a surgically attached hair piece. Nick's scar makes him look like he has a surgically attached hairpiece. The way that I got this scar was when I was born, I had an enormous birthmark that covered a large majority of my forehead. And it was dark, and it was ugly. And my parents were like, we gotta fucking do something about that. So they had to cut open my whole ass head and put a balloon under my skin, then inflate it really big and then cut it off.

And I somehow look normal now. Did they, like, take a video of this? Do you have a baby picture of you looking ugly as fuck? You know what's weird? So, there is one, and I've never seen it, but my mother has told me, oh, yeah, I have photos. It looked really weird and bad. And I'm like, I don't think I want to see it. I think that would be weird. No, you should see it. I feel like it would be like

you're hovering over your own body. That's your other life. It's part of you. Yeah, I don't know. I'm afraid. Ask your want to see it. I think that would be weird. No, you should see it. I feel like it would be like you're hovering over your own body. That's your other life. It's part of you. Yeah, I don't know. I'm afraid. Ask your mom to send it. You don't get that. Okay, I will ask my mother to send it, and if I can get it, we'll tweet it.

You don't get that procedure, and you're like, your life is different. Yeah. You're like a different person. Yeah, that would affect everything. Yeah. Unfortunately, yeah. Yeah, being just slightly uglier because of the birth defect. Would I be your friend? You'd still be my friend right birth effect would i be your friend you'll be my friend i don't know oh no like i would not specifically

ever not be friends with someone because what they look like but would you be in the position you were in you think butterfly effect yeah yeah i think butterfly effect i don't know if you join i don't know if you have the confidence to host call of duty if you have that head no you're way better no i'm way better i don't i never go I'm fucking cracked. Yeah. On the note of butterfly effect, I was just in Las Vegas. Yeah. And so I went with some of my high school friends. And one of them, he's gambled before, but he hasn't gambled as much as maybe we do if we go to Vegas and stuff. We walk up to a table together, and it's a roulette table.

And I'm like, I'm up. I put 300 on red. I'm sorry, I'm black. I put 300 on black. And I'm like, let's ride, bro. I'm up. He walks up next to me. He'm like, let's ride, bro. I'm up. He walks up next to me. He goes, looks down at my money, looks at the table.

And then he puts 100 on the other color. And I'm like, I look at him. And then the dealer spins the ball. So you know how like. You can pull your money. You have time. You know how like when people like they bet black and then it hits red. They go, fuck, I should have bet red.

Well, no, because if you would have bet red, the dealer would have waited for you. The timing would have been such a little difference that the wheel would be in a different place. And then you would have spun and the whole future would be different, right? Yeah. But this is different if you change your money after they throw the ball. That's true. Because the ball is not going to – unless you fucking pound on the table, like the ball is going to land where it's going to land. If you move it after, you know, you controlled your own destiny.

Yeah. So I look at him and go, you're betting red? Hop hoping he would realize what he has done and he goes yeah i was like okay so i switched to red and it fucking hits black and i lose all my money and i'm after i'm pissed at my friend for fucking the whole trip i'm like dude well yeah it's etiquette right why would you want to bet on a different outcome than your friend there are humans that's why we all bet with you at the end there's a there's a human who walks up to the craps table and plays the don't pass line. Yeah. There's a human who does that.

It's like I'm the enemy here. Or is it the people in Pyga who ask to be the bank? Or they ask to play as a dealer? Oh, yeah. Or Baccarat. Baccarat, that happens a lot. You do a blackjack too. Baccarat you can play as player or as bank.

Dude, we went to a casino. It was during Genesis. I went with Null. And we're just shitting chips onto this blackjack table. And this guy, you can be the dealer in that game. Because in California, you technically have to be playing against somebody else. So there will be people who are paid to sit there with a lot of chips. And they're just like technically, they work for the casino.

It's a really weird system. It's a loophole. Anyway, but you can, as a person, go up and be the dealer. And this guy, he decides to be the dealer while we're all playing against the real dealer, or the real dealer, and we just take him for all his fucking money. It was really funny.

He was so mad. That fucking rules. And it's weird because he's right next to you. It's like the geometry of a blackjack table is like everyone's playing. Oh, it's close now. And the dealer's there, and they're the enemy. Or they're with you, but the cards are the enemy. It's like this us and them.

If you're at a table with Amon, you walk away with shingles. That's how tight the tables are. Yes, exactly. And this guy's next to me, but he is the enemy. Yeah. And we're just taking his money away from him. I love that. It's so sick, dude.

You know what's nice about Amon's shingles with blackjack table? It actually starts to glow when an ace is enemy. Yeah. And we're just taking his money away from him. I love that. It's so sick, dude. You know what's nice about Aiden's thing with the black table? Actually, it starts to glow when an ace is down. Yeah. So everyone knows. When it says insurance, he'll be like, uh-oh. Guys, wait, wait, wait. Guys, guys. He'll wince in pain.

And they had the nerve to call me a sidekick when I went to school. Hey, is it going to rain tomorrow? Is it throbbing? I'm going to rub it in. Speaking of gambling, guess how much I found out. Guess how much if I were to do the Trainwrecks TV gamble sponsorship where they pay me to show off their website, play it X hours, and show people how to put their money in.

Guess how much I'd get paid monthly. I don't know, like a million dollars. I don't want to guess. It's a million dollars. A million? A month? A month. Yeah, because Miskit was talking about like $35,000 an hour.

Yeah. I would get a million dollars a month if all I did was make just some people gamble a bit. Dude, they make some returns. I was asking this question to the guys a couple days ago, but do you guys think that gambling should be allowed on Twitch? I don't think you should be able to play with fake money. I think that's deceptive, and it makes people play differently. And a lot of people who have these sponsorships get given fake money to play with, and they win 20% of the earnings. I felt pretty strongly that I think it's inherently very wrong to get kids to do gambling, and you shouldn't be able to do it on Twitch.

But then Atriox said it's a hard line to draw, and I was like, how so? And he's like, well, can you buy CSGO cases on stream? Yeah. And I'm like, ooh, I don't know where to draw that line. I'm fine with gambling. I think you can demonetize entire categories. For example, like if you're in there, you can't run ads, pre-rolls. Like you just don't make money.

Yeah, but they don't care about that, right? I mean, some people do. Like, for example, the biggest gambling streamer has no sub button. They never gave him one. So you can only donate to him or you can only make money through ads. I don't even actually know if he's affiliate. Yeah. But if he's getting a fucking million,

yeah, I think that's the two things I would know, fake money and, uh, and, and demonetize the category. And then I think it's fine. I think furthermore,

what, what this is explaining to us in indirect ways that we need to open a casino. Dude. Right. Imagine I am single boy. Touch me? I would do a little bit of... This one's chill. I'm getting my foot near you if you... Do these streamers right now,

do they at least admit that it's degenerate? Does Train at least say it's degenerate? Or is he defending himself to the lines? I watch it. I actually love watching it. This is what I'll do. He hit a $400,000. I watch it. I actually love watching it. Yeah. This is what I'll do. He hit like a $400,000 win I was watching.

Holy shit. Right? After punting $350,000 over the course of an hour. Honestly, happy for him. But all anyone cares about is the big win.

Yeah. And so he'll win. He'll pop off and be like, let's go. Everyone on the call will pop off. He'll be like, I'm going to give you money,

you money, you money. To everyone on the call. He's like, chat, we're doing a giveaway. And then after he's like settled down, he'll be like, by the way, guys, like I'm gonna give you money you money you money to everyone in the call He's like chat. We're doing a giveaway and then after he's like settled down He'll be like by the way guys like I had to hustle for that that was like 450k in for It's not like then he'll do it But that doesn't help cuz literally today my chat flooded train just won a million

And my questions like okay, how long was he playing and how much should he punt before that? Yeah? Oh was it 1.5 mil right?. Okay, dope. Is he down? Dude, what was that compilation we were watching yesterday? It was Yasuo's bad beats. Oh, man. We turned on a – That sounds hilarious. We watched him lose 35K playing blackjack, and he lost, like, 40 hands in a row.

Yeah. And there was one where, like, the dealer had, like, fucking 16 and just banked the 21. And, like, he had 18 and the dealer got 19. Like, dude, he was getting owned and he just, he breaks his keyboard and then he goes into the closet and like it's a new one.

It was insane. It was must-see TV. And it was a compilation of YouTube. I won't lie, people make the argument that like you watch someone lose, you won't gamble. One time,

I don't know if you guys know this story, I was gambling on stream. I wrote $1,000 up to 10K. The next day, I don't know if you guys know this story, I was gambling on stream. I wrote $1,000 up to 10K. The next day, I punt everything. That night, after losing everything, Slime knows about this, he puts his credit card into the online casino and dumps like a couple thousand dollars. Wait, you're talking about me? Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me tell the real story, no, no, no. No. Oh, let me tell the real story. Oh Okay, what happened is that Ludwig comes into my room the old house and he just comes he's like, you know He's on my door and I'm like at my computer. It's like dude. I just want like $8,000 He's like exciting what do you win it on this great website? Well, I already knew the website and he's like he's like I was just torqued. I played Blackjack. I just won like 8K. And I'm like, holy shit. Like, that's sick.

He's like, yeah. And I was like, I want to live the Ludwig Ander dream. And then I lost like $5,000. Well, you're missing a part now. Because he said that. And I said, OK, I'll let you bet $500 on my account and keep whatever you win. You just cannot play unless I am there. I see.

Yeah. That way, you don't just punch yeah that way i thought that was a different time no this is the same one so then now you remember what the fuck is going get boomed get boomed i got the part two i always say part two so then you come to my stream you win a thousand dollars you get the thousand dollars and then without me you played not that night but the night when i lost everything i didn't it's always double bad i didn't think i knew you lost everything no you did but maybe if i did what i'm saying is i wouldn't have cared i would have done it anyway yeah but i don't remember that's

me losing did not deter you i wanted to live the dream yeah without me i think overall like given that you know well our one anecdote but i in general, I don't think it should be allowed, dude. It's a platform that's, like, populated by, like, way, way too many buyers. Dude, if they can figure out how to give money to subscribe to someone, they can easily dump it into the casino site. Eamon, come on, man. Is it really worse than drunk you talking about the states? Yeah. That's educational.

You're talking about the oppressive. Imperialistic army. Yeah, I was talking about the states. Yeah. That's educational. That's educational. You were talking about the oppressive. The oppressive. Imperialistic army. Yeah. You were talking about real shit. To kids. And you were drunk.

You think they learn about that in social studies? No. All right. Why do you think Hasan has an audience? Well. He's piecing it together. I'm looking forward to Amon's political Andy streams. But we've been going here, boys.

This has been 90 minutes in. We're at 90? We're at 90. We're good. We're about 90? What's our. What's our been going here, boys. It's been 90 minutes in. We're at 90? We're at 90. We're good. We're about 90? What's our, well, let's. It's going to be chopped down to an hour. Wait, really?

Yeah, I think we should chop it down. Why would we cut it down when we just go? Why is 90 minutes better, or sorry, worse than an hour? I'm unconcerned. I'm just saying we have the room. I think an hour was our goal. No, I think our goal was at least an hour. Hours are minimum. Oh, really? I thought an hour i'm unconcerned i'm just saying we have the room i think an hour was our goal and we've no i think our hour our goal was at least hours our minimum oh really i thought an hour's chill i like keeping it tight so we're gonna do i don't want to keep it tight what okay hold on let me ask what we've been asking uh this whole time when we were planning this thing

what does come down do what does come down i don't remember every episode is like an hour 15 hour 30 like in that range they're about an hour they have a guy though they'll they'll i feel like they'll be in the show like hour about there and they'll cut it i look all i'm saying is here's my thing most people listen to stuff like this when they're working out on their commute i think an hour is a great number you hit 90 minutes we start getting 1.5x speeded do you want to be a podcast i listen to at 1.5x? Someone in your Discord in the old heads channel said, I'm probably going to listen on 1.5x speed. I said, I'm going to come to your house and beat your ass.

And to the guy listening on 1.5x speed, go fuck yourself, bro. Look, 1.5x speed listeners are going to be by the dime a dozen if we're 90 minutes fine all right you call it then fine i have a final question how many of the viewers are listening right now for the first time have their dick in their hand no it's non-zero i don't want to know it is non-zero i want to know i don't want to know look hey there's no why anyway they'll they can just tell me no you don't want that I do your these aren't Plus and have your dick in your hand Please DM a if you are listening to this podcast and you want to talk to one of us just DM aiding cuz he'll respond

Yeah, dude. He thinks they're all uber drivers. They're freaks dude For a signed photo of his shingles what if they write your name on it? They're hot and over the age of 22 I look through my pictures on on iCloud and I found out I used to have a store online phone screen my home screen No, it's not when I turned 21 is the first anime had watched like when I got through college in when I was 21 Yeah, so dude, you should see the videos you would have hated back then. Really? Yeah. I'll post one on the Yard Twitter.

Yeah. But anyway, look, it's been a good first step. I had a good time. Had a good time. The Yard drops every Thursday on all the good shits. You can watch the video version. Audio first. Look, we need audio listeners.

Here's the thing. There are companies. Can I leak? Who cares? I want to work with Monday.com. They said you need 100,000 people to listen. I was like, was like Every episode? Yeah

Do you think we could get there? Why would you want to work with monday.com? Because we use monday.com Yeah but like No ad I love monday.com I like being sponsored by shit I use I like that

Yeah but like our demographic is like Not project managers I think you underestimate the amount of college kids On their hustle With sort out online phone screens. And who use Monday.com. And who have shingles. I will say if any of our listeners have shingles, stop.

I don't want you. You don't matter to me. Stop listening? Well, I'll keep the shingle viewers. What if the shingles people are 50% of this audience? Then they'll usurp. If shingles listeners eclipse normal listeners, then I guess I'm a Shingle podcaster now.

So anyway, we need 100,000. So if you're not listening on the audio version, maybe consider the audio version on Spotify and Apple. Apple and Google. You can fucking know. Everyone's a Zoomer these days. They should know. If you don't know how to figure it out,

then you're probably just not made to listen to podcasts. And you'll figure it out as time moves on. It's the lowest effort form of content for you. For me? No, for the listeners. Spoon fed. I feel like we're essential workers, personally. I do too.

We're heroes. The world is healing when we speak in these mics. Entertainment really carried the pandemic, and we're only a little bit late. There's a thought bubble, and it's just Ludwig's $40,000 Pokemon Red and Blue mint condition. I'm healing with that. But all right, follow the Twitter at the yard, and go listen to us where you got to listen to us. And that's it. Archie, let's get a lower third.

What are all our names? Oh, yeah, your ass. Follow us. Both your Twitters got passed by the yard Twitter in a week. Yeah, we got adopted by the yard. Yeah, you ass. Follow us. Both your Twitters got passed by the Yard Twitter in a week. Yeah, we got adopted by the Yard. Yeah, you guys are fucking whack. Also, Nick wants to get verified, and I think I'll like him less when he does. You wanted to.

So I'm just changed. I'm not changed. You used to desire 10K followers. No, I wanted to beat you. Yeah. Yeah. And getting followers is more than getting verified. Getting verified is like now you're part of the machine, and it's whack.

And his reason was fine, but when it was you and me fighting for viewers, I was like, I want to win. I want to beat Ludwig. And I won. Yeah, you won everything. Bigger number, better person. I've never beat you in anything. Thanks for watching, though.

That won Mario Party Minigame for $100. I don't want to. Hey. Oh, okay. All right. You're petty. You're petty. Shingle... Hey. Oh, okay. All right. You're petty. You're petty.

Shingle hand. Shingle hand. All right, guys. Thank you for watching. We'll see you here next week every Thursday.