The Yard - Ep. 103 - WE GAVE SLIME HAIR!

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

This week, slime gets his toupee! the boys talk about Slime's new hair, Ludwig selling his Vespa and Mr. Beasts recent controversy...

🎵 Hey, what's up everyone? We, uh, this is a very special episode. This is the best day of my entire life. I've thought a lot about it, and this is the best day of my entire life. This is, at the very least, the most excited I've ever been for an episode. Hey, we always do these long, drawn-out intros for our guests. Let's just introduce her. Sam, come on out. Come on out here, Sam. Woo!

Oh, God! Oh, my God! Christ. What the fuck? Sam! Woo! Sam, everyone! Oh, wait! Oh, hold on, hold on.

Real Sam! Sam with hammer. Are you alright? Are you alright? When she practiced, when she did the practice slide, she did not go that fast. She's gonna put this in your neck, cause that's how it works. His name is Pierre. What are your thoughts on that?

Say it, say it. Can you say it? You're saying it wrong. Can you say it right? It's, it's... Pierre. Yo, Pierre! No, okay.

That's how they say it. How do you say bald? They say All right, so slime is French I was finally getting his up his toupee for a month for those just now tuning in slime lost a bet Where he had to be not a hater for 30 days nice for 30 Well, you failed within a month. You failed within like a week. Yeah, but like just call it what it is.

The bet could have been way shorter. Also, you assholes need to send me money. Because you said when I won the pescatarian bet, I would get paid as soon as I got this shit. He won pescatarian? Yes. Oh, he did. Yeah, we'll pay out. We're going to pay out.

Yeah, you will pay out. Yes, you will. Anyway, this is Sam. Hi. Say hi to everyone. Hi. Sorry, say hi everyone to Sam at your computer screen or to your Spotify phone. Sam is, she does hair systems and she actually got found by-

Sorry. You gotta explain that. We don't know what the fuck hair systems is. It's not called that just because you're doing it. It's not like- That's what she calls them. Sam, please. It's called a hair system, but it's a nice toupee, actually. What's it called when you're doing it. It's not like it's just... That's what she calls them! Sam, please. It's called a hair system, but it's a nice toupee, actually.

What's it called when you're bald? Is it still a system? Yes. Is it because toupees frowned upon? Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah. Our job here is actually

to de-stigmatize this idea because Sam is an artist, okay? She got... She told me... I'm sorry. I believe that. It's just crazy that you're the painting like you are a tablet cutie was so into this idea of me getting hair that she went searching

for like the best out there yes and she found sam's instagram she searched she's listened to every episode she searched far and wide and then she was like i found i finally found it and it was you yeah and we're so happy you came out. Yeah. Yeah. You live in Vegas, right? Yeah. She does this in Vegas.

I went out there when I was on my sabbatical last week. It's not a sabbatical. You just gambled for a weekend on vacation. Also didn't skip any work. Came back in time for work. You did what you already do all the time. You also don't work anyway. I was on a sabbatical.

And so I went and i got and i talked to sam and she she had told me like a couple weeks earlier she's like grow out your hair you have to so that's why i'm having fucking look like this this whole goddamn time you look like this the whole time right the whole pod all two years the whole pod all two years yes this is how i've looked you know how last week i said I actually think it looks good? Why would you lie? No, no, no. I meant that. Yeah. This week it does not look as good.

Why? It was in a nice in-between stage before. It was like an in-between stage before. You're a cruel man. You look like a cruel man. In a Disney movie when they're telling the backstory of a villain, you're like in the teenage part when they're already bald. What is an example of this?

He's Sid before he becomes a dumpster driver. This is in Looper when he's going bald. Okay. It's crazy. They made it in between phase. Is that it? This is like in The Simpsons when Homer's bald. No, no, no. In Looper, Bruce Willis plays an older...

It's not Justin Long. It's the other guy who's in Inception. And then he makes him... Leonardo DiCaprio. It's Leonardo DiCaprio. Either way. So what's the... Let's get back to what a hair he makes him... Leonardo DiCaprio. It's Leonardo DiCaprio. Either way. So what's the... Let's get back to what a hair system is, Sam.

I'm sorry. I don't know if you listen to it on our podcast. It's horrible. It's pretty bad. But we are curious and we want to know what you're going to do to our boy.

So basically, you sent me a picture of a haircut you like, which is... I don't like it. He likes it. It was voted on by us and viewers and it is we want to and yourself and and myself and i would love if it was as close to this as possible okay so we're going to give you a nice haircut on your sides we're going to place our hair system on you

so it looks really curly is that that's not supposed to be that way so they all come with a little bit of wave and texture So you have options when you style it cuz not everyone's hair straight you'll get some volume or Whatever okay If we just put that on his head right now and glued it somehow and she just couldn't take it off I'd be just as happy Because all you want is for me to be miserable Yeah, well I want to feel like dream is that at the end of all you want Is for me to be miserable Yeah well I want To feel dark

Miserable fear At the end of this You look better than me Like your hair Why is that your dream Because it's a false dream Why is it a false dream No it's possible

Because I have to use A synthetic Like I have to use A doctor to heal me Just because you use steroids Does it mean your muscles Aren't cool Yo

Do not compare this To steroids This is the steroids Steroids is bad Yeah but this is We don't want to do steroids This doesn't damage. This is the steroids in hair. Steroids is bad. Yeah, but this is- We don't want to do steroids. This doesn't damage you. This is like steroids without any side effects.

No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. It doesn't make me stronger. I can't lift fridges. It will in a way. It will in a way. What a weird way to take that analogy.

I don't make you more handsome. No. All right. You heard it here first from a woman on our show. Hair makes you more attractive. No, I don't think. Look. This just in.

I don't think that's true. I hope you fucking all know. A doctor just told us, so it's true. I'm curious to see how you feel this month, but how does it begin? How long does it take to get a hair system? I could probably get them out in like an hour and a half. Oh, wow. Crazy. That's the length of my episode. it take to get a hair system i could probably get them out in like an hour and a half and then your maintenance appointments like 45 minutes okay it's crazy is it just like a haircut you need to do maintenance well that depends on every client okay um if you're super sweaty or

you exercise all the time you'll probably want to take it on and off a little more often what can i say i'm really strong but without steroids sit around doing podcasts all the time you probably don't have to right right small part of the week really yeah sometimes we lift on the podcast we like it yeah and we just silently for 30 minutes straight we just lift um i had a question or no sam was telling me she got so bored of cutting hair that she wanted to do this instead. So you have like a hunger for like the skill and the craft, right? That's like when Mango gave up Puff to go Spaces.

It's exactly like that. There was this guy named Ken. And he learned how to up throw a box on the flat stage. This is a word I'm getting into. I feel like she needs to cut it. No, but I think that's why, I think, number one is why Sam's Instagram, where she showed all the, her final results, were so, like, telling, especially someone like Cutie, his girlfriend, who is, like, really looking at, you know, someone who can do this very well.

It's because Sam was like, let's, let's, let's change the world. You know what I'm saying? What's the biggest slice of your clientele? Is it, is it balding men? Or is it people who just want to swipe the Tony Hawk character and have a different hairstyle? What's the biggest slice? Well, I mostly do women. I've been doing women's hair for 14 years.

I started doing hair systems the last three. And I love it. So I'm trying to transition from doing women's cut and color and extensions to men. Because this is way more rewarding. Why? Because they're happier about it or something? Yeah. They're super happy.

You know? And they could change their look. Like you said, you could swipe and change your look. We're going to heal you. You're broken and we're going to heal you. Every month we should randomize her on Tony Hawk. And then have Sam do that. How about I'm Jamie Thomas and I'm wearing the hoodie.

Go fuck yourself. She was telling me it's mostly, what is it, it's older men and younger gay men. Isn't that interesting? But you know which one you are. It is one of the two. If both were in a time machine and something went wrong.

Put it on your phone. Which one is you? Which one I am. This is real hair, right? This is real donated hair, presumably. I'm assuming it's donated. Is it possible to do this? Could we have you resource? You go get your hair cut.

It's like, wow, I'm so excited for a little kid who maybe has cancer or something to get my hair. Like, I'm really, you a little kid who maybe has cancer or something to get my hair. Like, I'm really, you know. And it's me. And it's just this guy. He looks so. It's a podcaster who's infinitely rich. We've been out for five years to give you this.

Yeah. And we shaved him in a day. And we left him on the side of the road. A guy in our soccer club growing up, his name is Riley, grew out his hair. And he would cut it at 12 inches because you could only donate at 12 inches. It's like some locks thing. Coolest guy I knew.

So this could be Riley's hair. Riley, thank you for the hair. He was blonde. Thank you, Riley. I appreciate you. Might have changed. My goat. So yeah, feel free to get started and you can talk.

You have a mic and we'll just be observing you doing your have a mic, uh, and we'll just, we'll just be observing you doing your job while talking about, are we just doing a podcast? I think we're just doing a regular podcast. I mean, it's all right. What else is it going to be? What the fuck are you talking about? Like we've done things. We can talk about Peter. We've done Peter is here. You want to talk about my mom and Peter? Yeah. What'd you and Peter get up to? Me and Peter were talking that good ass shit. No, you weren't. Yes, we were. They were. They were talking about the law. We were talking about... Oh, I... Okay. Did you just say no to that? I refuse.

I declare that I refuse the cape. What do you... You can't refuse the cape. He thought it made him a superhero before the show, and I explained it wasn't that, and he... No. I think it's funnier without the cape, but I have to make sure that I'm refusing it of my own volition, so Sam doesn't get in trouble. Just like, oh, you fucking cut a guy's hair without without the cape, but I have to make sure that I'm refusing it of my own volition.

So Sam doesn't get in trouble. It's like, oh, you fucking cut a guy's hair without putting a cape on him. You made him look like... Why would she get in trouble? I believe this was a pre-planned refusal. We talked about it. Oh, wow. But I...

Why peer through the movie like that? I didn't remember. They're acting. Because she just started putting it on. She worked in autopilot. He did it like Michael Scott. He went, I refuse. I do. I do. I do. I do. It's like started putting it on. She did it like Michael Scott. He went, I refuse. I do.

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I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do Have it and give it to the next person. How long can a hair donation go? Imagine someone gets transplanted like fucking a centimeter of side hair. This is so awesome.

Maybe put it on my beard. I've been wanting to get a beard transplant. Me and you both got beards. Let's go to Turkey. I'm good. Look at me. A beard transplant? He looks like he just got back from Turkey, bro.

You know what you're... What is that? What are your... I'm trying to compliment him. I'm trying to say like... He said, look at me. You ever check your T levels? I'm trying to compliment him I'm trying to say like He said look at me You know I'm like You ever check your T levels

I'm on his team My Like testosterone Yeah No but Charlie did this In everybody at his company Where they tested their T And they

Did a video On who had the highest T Yeah No go ahead Hey guys Company retreat Let's all test our testosterone Well in a company I say

It's basically like When I say this company I tested my T It was his friends We have a real company I know but it's basically like when I say this company. I tested my team We was his friend company. I know but it's like if it would be like this I'm not like we don't push Mario go see in the slack. Well we have anyway though We did it we could do that we rising surprising. We could test our tea I know my little and then see who has the highest team. We know who has it though Nick Allen, it's obviously slime. What are you talking?? Oh yeah, because you have to have high tea to get like a cut.

I give the highest tea vibes though. That's not a thing. That is not true. That's just called, I am the most toxicly masculine. The only high tea thing about you is you use two in one shampoo, which is insane. That does increase your tea. Okay, so I didn't know why two inin-one shampoo was bad until last night. What?

I realized that, yeah. You're 29. I'm just fucking, stop upping my age. You're good. So you, what, how did you, did you Google it? Did someone tell you? Yeah, I Googled it. I Googled it.

Well, you know what did bother me, though? Well, because Mike and Dawson were roasting me for using two in one you should be roasting for that which is fair which is fair

knowing what I know now but I asked them I was like what's wrong with it and neither of them could explain why it's bad it's like

you it should be an easy thing to understand I feel like I would just say it's probably worse at both jobs but that's all

I don't know the specific I don't know the specific I don't have a nerdy reason why for the audio listeners. He's getting his haircut Sure It's like the ASMR like in a barbershop Yeah, but instead it's us with you pot and then we're gonna title this one the yard ASMR in a barbershop But instead it's us with you. We're going to title this one,

The Yard ASMR in a Barbershop. Sam, have you ever thought about pivoting into ASMR YouTube content? I thought of it actually, of like little cutting and combing and the foils. I love watching that stuff. I would put on, I would fall asleep to this Turkish barber almost every night for like six months. And he's just like a vitriolic racist.

With so much confidence he says it. Yeah, what? Well, I... Sorry, I'm getting my haircut. I can't talk. I fall asleep to bakery ASMR still. Bakery? Yeah.

Like just the sound of food or do they talk? It's like people... It'll be like 3.30 a.m. Is this cutie? Is she just talking about... Can you just sleep talking about croissant?

No, it's like there's... It's people who work at a bakery. They don't speak for the entirety of the video. They're just working. And it's just the sound It's people who work at a bakery They don't speak for the entirety of the video They're just working And it's just the sound of like bread being shoveled off That giant spatula And there's

It's huge in Japan and France Bakeries? Like ASMR bakery content I think they're big kind of everywhere Bakeries are really big in Japan and France But the ASMR content is big in those countries It's not big in the States It's not big

Japan and France would be a dope country. You don't think so? No, bakeries are not big at all. Japan and France sounds like an indie band. Japan and France. That should be a weird place. So, do you know what? Can you talk a bit?

Now, we tend to get political on the podcast. Sure. Do we? And I'd like you, Ludwig, to talk about the revolution going up right now in France. Yeah. As a French person, how is this weighed on you?

for sure. Cause I found out about this from the daily and, uh, and so I, I went right to my phone to, uh, to FaceTime my sister. Yeah.

Who's in Paris. She's on gay Perry right now. Well, she's on the ground right now. And I was like, how, how is it? Instantly. She starts lighting up now. And I was like, how is it? Instantly, she starts lighting up a cigarette.

I'm like, you've been there three months. I just can't talk without it. Pours herself a glass of white wine. She's also got dirt on her face. She's a Molotov. She goes to take a sip of wine. It's the Molotov cocktail. She's like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's so embarrassing. It is. It's unruly. What do you want? It's bad. It's bad. They're not happy with the police Oh, they're upset and nobody riots like French people riot. What side would you be on? The police's or the or the people's yeah, I would Are you brave enough to say? Do I want ELO or not?

If I'm on my main account, I'm on police. I'm going to be real with you guys. I want to win. Oh, my God. They do win. Dude, Yan, last night, I streamed Valor last night, and I played. It's still in the VOD. The meanest motherfucking 19-year-old kid I have ever experienced.

And I was just so bummed out. I just ended stream. Wow. Heusted he thought he ruined my night and as soon as I end Yan messages me he's like yo we're at four we need a fifth are you trying to play and I just said tough shit and I logged off wow you pass it down this it does show how hate breeds hate the only way to end the cycle of hate is to be big is ain't do you think it's to ain't to be big. Is ain't. Do you think it's to ain't? To ain't what? To ain't hate.

If you ain't, then you won't hate. This is the smartest thing Nick's ever said. Maybe we should create an ad campaign for the government. It's like, stop hate. Ain't hate. Ain't hate. Is this episode 104? Three.

Okay, next week is our two year. I don't think we've talked about this once. What do you want to do? We should get you toupee. Sam, can you come next week? Fuck that, get Aiden one. Get me off this horse. He's on his way. Actually, that is a good question, Sam. In your professional opinion, does it seem as though he's on his way? Be real, be real. Because he's half your clientele. He's young and gay Against you she did a body position that kind of sounded like

She did Refuse the evidence because they I was gaslit so hard into thinking that I'm losing all my hair Years of photos of myself to line up how where it's received you like you should have just consulted a professional all you do All you do is all you discovered is that you've been balding since like seven. Yeah, they hit you early You had a consistently really storyline. I think you look great buddy. Everyone thinks you look good You're also wearing the fit that drives your girlfriend nuts. Yeah. Which is insane.

It's funny because that's not even canon of our podcast. I'll give context. On Cutie's Wine About It episode with all of us on it, she asks a bunch of questions about our relationships. I'm not in one, so it was just about my friend Zeke, who nailed most of my questions.

But Aiden's girlfriend really likes the look of wearing a hoodie, like athletic shorts, and big high socks. Because she's a freak like you. Which is crazy, because I could lose her at any time to any frat bro.

Ever. Probably any guy. Yeah, most guys. With like a 75% chance. They just block their eyes when they walk by any gym. Anytime we go out in public, I blindfold her.

I just can't. Okay, we're here, sweetheart. You unblindfold her and she's just facing the wall. Oh, man,

we just keep it like that. Why? Does it look good? This is a clean look. Does it look good? From my perspective, it looks so fucking funny. It's like Dr. Phil.

Yeah, Dr. Phil's accurate. It's like when Patrick Doran does the bald... Oh my god. For viewers at home, it's kind of Father Banks-esque. Brother Banks? Brother Banks. No. It's not Brother Banks.

He has hair. Or does he? That's the meme. Where do you think Brother Banks comes from? No. Can you look up Brother Banks? Just that. Google Images.

You're talking about FaZe Bank. You know what? Have you ever heard of FaZe Bank, Sam? No. He owns FaZe Clan. He's a... I didn't know that was the bit. It's a meme.

Oh, man. He's balding. that's such a fire haircut your services the constantinople it's like an egg in a nest i found out there are a lot of people who who who take what's that supplement called finasteride a lot yeah in the streaming community as well i won't oh dude know if you guys knew who's on the gear You would you would go in the doll what vibe is to smash Mr. I is to stream. Yeah one person can we just drop a name and bleep it? No, I can't It's not good form

I'll say it Rezo. Whoa. I would never do. Yay. Young gay man. My goat like that. Wow, it's true. Whoa. I'll never forget my CSGO random teammate that told Slime, that told me that I need to tell Slime to get on finasteride.

Just out. Now? Like, I don't fucking know. Yeah. Like, I didn't go through college looking at my hairline every day in the in the mirror and being like this sucks Oh sorry No you're fine. What is this? What's happening? I'm drawing a hairline

It was surprising It's like a Paper Mario villain She's drawing a hairline with a marker It's like a Zipper likes this one It's funny to hear zipper laugh So raise your eyebrows Oh okay Zipper likes this one. I'm laughing. Yeah. It's funny to hear Zipper laugh. So raise your eyebrows.

Oh, okay. Like this. He looks surprised. What's the idea, buddy? What do you know? What do you know? All perfect on nail face. What's this?

Like, this is what is, yeah, what is this? What do I need to do? I need to make a stencil now of his baldness. We can sell the 3D print and people can make their own. This is what people get instead of the vaccine. Yes. Yeah, this is horse medicine.

And I'm going to have you hold it. What the fuck? Am I Kung Lao? Alright, hold on. What do I do? I don't even know how to describe this to audio listeners, but he's basically like... It's like he's trying to kill himself with cling wrap,

but he doesn't have enough. It kind of... I just hate it all! It feels reminiscent of putting a frying pan on your head. This would be a weapon. Is this good? It's what it looked like

when I tried to make a pocket pussy when I was 14. That's what it looked like. It is kind of when you put on the Jimmy and you, right before you, right before you roll it all the way down. So now we know the answer to older or gay

when you said Jimmy. I didn't want to say condo. It's too scientific. I'm from the streets. Yeah. The streets do be said Jimmy. I didn't want to say condo. It's too scientific. I'm from the streets. Yeah. The streets do be saying Jimmy. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that. No, I remember that

because there's... It doesn't matter. No, why'd you remember this? Yeah, come on, man. When you were watching MASH. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone.

I'm already getting a fucking hair system. Leave me alone. That's true. Did you enjoy MASH? No, I didn't. I watched cartoons. Oh, man. This is so... Even if I didn't know you were getting a toupee, I didn't. I watched cartoons. Oh, man. This is so...

Even if I didn't know you were getting a toupee, I'd be happy that this is happening. So my mom's in town. My mom and Peter are visiting. First time I've ever visited me in LA. God, we shopped it up so good. Me and Peter just talked that nasty shit, bro. I was thinking about that. They've never been here before.

No, never been here before. My mom's funny because she'll be like, you never call. I call her once every two weeks, and then I'll be like, you never call. And then she'll be like She'll be like you never call Like I call her like once every two weeks And then I'll be like you never call And she'll be like well you're busy And I was like well that doesn't seem fair And then same with visiting Like I'll visit her and she'll be like

You gotta visit and I was like you gotta visit And she's like well LA's far It's a 100-0 matchup The mom-son battle She wins and it's her right to0 matchup the mom-son battle she wins and it's her right to win she birthed me she raised me

but she is visiting now which is nice and I told her to come back and rate the hair slime so oh yeah she'll be back yeah

because you are and I right now like candidly you are her least favorite by far she just instantly swoons

so there's a chance she can't hey I was when she she came here I remember that and I was like I am gonna be really

nice to Ludwig's mom because I feel bad and I just want her to like me and I want Peter to like me too but me and Peter are just a couple

of fucking wild dogs so it doesn't matter what did you even say what did you say do you want to spill for the pod what me and Peter talked about how the law never sleeps we talked about some wild shit so it doesn't matter. What did you even say? What did you say? Do you want to spill for the pod? What me and Peter talked about? How the law never sleeps.

We talked about some wild shit. So it's like, I just can't, I can't, I can't say, I literally can't say. Yeah, I found out what their first date was

last night at dinner. Really? It was Peter asking my mom to go to Five Guys. Fire. What a goat. Fire. That's Riz.

They had that back then? They haven't been dating that long. That's definitely one to birthing a celebrity. They years they had five guys ten years ago. Yeah, what how old are you? 27 no, no Time of this date you were a porn right at the time of this first date. I was born weren't you wait I'm asking you how old you were when you went on a date. Are you are you like you were like 18 when this happened? Yeah, that's what I'm asking. How old were you? He's asking you how old you were when you went on a date. Are you? You were like 18 when this happened. Yeah, that's what I'm asking. How old were you? He's asking how old you were.

I thought you were asking if I was alive. No. Oh. He did kind of ask that. He's like, so you said, were you born? That's what I was confused. You did say that. Don't let that get escaped.

Yeah, you said, was I born? I said, how old were you first? You looked at me like I was dumb. I said, what, were you born? Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

Shame. Shame. Shame. It's not me. Don't win. He's whipping. Yeah. So Peter's your adult. I said what were you born shame shame shame shame Yeah, so so Peters your adult Stepfather, he's just a stuff. You don't have to say adult right because a child stepfather would be a problem This is my child stepfather who I'm older than It has happened right uncle? It's like when you have an uncle.

That's all older. If your mom got remarried now, imagine your mom getting remarried to a 24-year-old now. This is literally happening with Robert De Niro, right? Yeah, Robert De Niro. His current wife is probably younger than one of his kids. Robert De Niro is an ancient milk bag.

They're going to have like a Benjamin Button baby. It's going to come out all fucking old and weird. So yeah. So tell your mom not going to happen.

Okay. Peter holds that family together. We respect Peter a lot in this household. Do you think you got a shot? With the hair?

Are you kidding? I'm not talking about me. What are you talking about then? I'm talking about like just look me and Peter we're talking about a lot of stuff. Maybe other strapping young men in your life.

The moment Aiden walked up, he saw my mom. He walks over for a hug. I was like, last time you ever do this. Why? You know, he's not a hug. I hugged your mom. Yeah, that's chill. I hugged your mom.

Wait, what? You're not a sexual threat to Aiden. Wait, so Aiden is a sexual threat to your mom? Are you kidding me with that sweatshirt? I don't like it! Why is Aiden always sexually threatening moms? I don't like that terminology. Oh, cool.

It's like a yarmulke. What do I look like? Do I look good? You just look like you found the lowest level armor. Equipped. It looks like an apple mouse on an on a mouse pad It's basically a tape version of this bald spot So what's funny is all my clients I have these so when they come back for new ones I could have them pre-cut so I don't know if you've watched the show Dexter. Yeah, he has his blood slides

Well, I have my leg you have a wall Scalps And I have like a stack of them and it's like they're my victims How do you sort? Is it alphabetical? I just put their name on it and their phone number No one says slime That's your name right? If you get like really lonely you like go through

the names and the phone numbers It'll just call them up What shape on these looks the most promising One of your friends needs a date. You're like, all right, which head shape do you think is the best? This guy's cool. He's a lawyer. What type of bald do you want your future kids to be?

It does suck. If I had a son and he grew up and he didn't go bald, I'd be so fucking mad at him. Why? I thought you were going to say if he's bald, you feel bad for him. You're saying you feel mad at him. Shouldn't you want the best for your child regardless of what you lived through?

Sometimes you need them to feel, suffer. Yeah, make them go to public school. Didn't we just have an episode about how you said you'd be a good dad?

I would be a good dad unless my kid's bald, unless my kid has full head of hair like a lot of non-numbers. Then that's not my kid.

The mark of a true father. Exceptions to your love. There we go. Everyone does that. What, you guys don't have exceptions to your love. There we go. Everyone does that. You guys don't have exceptions to your love? No.

Your girlfriend is now a Nazi. I thought we meant my children. Oh no. Your children are evil Nazis. Whatever the girls get up to is none of my business. I write the course. You steer the ship correctly? I blue pill my kid.

I would simply fix them. Like Hunter Biden is smoking crack now. Dude, he's so cool. Dude, 170 smoking crack? Me and Shay were talking about it. It's like you can only go that fast if you're smoking crack. Yeah, because it feels like 60. I was thinking about this.

If Hunter Biden was like DeSantis' son, he'd be like a right-wing hero. He'd just be the coolest guy. But because it's Biden's son, he's like a problem. It fries people's brains on the right. We're like, it doesn't make sense. Biden's too old. His son's too cool. He does crack.

I don't understand. It is funny. Biden called him the smartest guy in the world. His son? Yeah. I think it makes sense. It was right after that, actually. He was a shotgun. He was like, nobody else could do that. He's just holding onto the bar. You've done it again,

kiddo. That's so cool. That's what we can do with our... We talked the last episode. If we all had sons, we'd be good dads. We'd smoke crack with our kids. And we'd make them fight. And we'd make them fight. When they're 18. And I'd juice my kid on crack and he'd kill your guys' kids. Eat them, their skin off their face. Give your kid a PED to beat

our kids. His muscles would be crazy. Remember like 2014 when we were all afraid of people doing bath salts and becoming zombies? No. Bath salts is crazy. You don't remember this? I remember bath salts, but I don't remember being fearful because they were in New Hampshire doing bath salts. There was that guy that did bath salts and ate a guy's face.

He was in Florida, right? Probably. I think it happened in Florida, and I went, nah, I just won't go there. That's just Christmas there. It's just Florida. I feel like that's the behavior that goes on. I also feel like we have an opportunity with our kids

that I just thought of. Oh, make them into content. Make them into content and become content families and we can make a billion dollars. Like that one family and they sing songs about Thanksgiving and shit and Fortnite dancing. And we make Fortnite raps about God. Shaytards? It's not the Shaytards. It's like, type in flossing family zipper.

I think I've showed this before. This shit, the guy is just like ultra spray tanned and he made and he did a rap about flossing i'm into it why because i think that sounds really poggers but it's not poggers i think people have to make content for kids you just have to accept that i don't think he's making content for kids i think he's making money off of his family being weird okay so that's fair but do you think it'd be fine if he made the fortnight flossing song without the kids yes okay that's fine well also but also, but there's a nefarious angle to that, right? Like how much are you breaking off for the kid? Yeah, this is it.

And this is a rap, we can't hear it right now. Yeah, that's okay. Oh my god! The father came in, it's actually Governor Gavin Newsom. He's dropping fucking bars. And he has a Star Wars shirt. I think it's a good good But like this is a this is just the evolution of like child actors. What's your idea? Yes, it is. Oh, my idea was that there is an argument on which fighting disciple is the best. So we should exclusively train our kid in like jujitsu, karate. You said disciple when you meant discipline. Disciples like a man. I thought fighting disciples were like the best at their sport or something.

I get it. But you're trying to act like you didn't do that, which is why you're doing the coy smile, which is funny. Wait, wait, is it just me, or does he sound crazy right now? I don't think it's me. You sound crazy. I think for once... You meant discipline, though. You did mean a different word.

Yeah, I fucked it. I fucked up a word. Also, is it known what is the best? In the UFC? Isn't it like jujitsu and wrestling are like better than everything? I think wrestling, the amount of people in the UFC are the highest amount of wrestlers. I choose sword. Sword.

But I think this is like an actual test, right? Sword. That limits variables. Sword. Gun. Gun sword. I choose sword. He can have gun.

It'll be like the end of Cowboy Bebop. That's not a fighting disciple. When vicious. What? What is it? That's not a fighting disciple. It's not a fighting disciple. I'll show you a fighting disciple. Give me a sword and a gun at the same time. I'm not losing any fights. Like a bayonet?

No, akimbo. This is just Final Fantasy 8. In case enemies are too close. If they're too close you can't shoot at them. Is this glue? It's hair system adhesive. Okay. So get it right, Ludwig.

This is the thermal paste. You don't want to use too much. About a pea-sized amount. A pea-sized amount. It will spread to the rest of the heat sink. Does that bottle say Elmer's on it?

You ever drink any just for fun? Assuming he just sits in this room how long will this last i have clients that keep theirs on for like two months okay because it grows underneath right and they last about two or three months before you probably want to replace it because they shed because like black mold starts like growing under it they shed like the hair on the wig yeah because you're gonna wash it You can wash it every single day. You style it every day.

You treat it just like your regular. We have to teach him to style his hair. He probably hasn't done it in 40 years. Well, he's never done it. I can tell you that much. No, he's styled his hair. I used to use pomade, pussy boy. That's like disciple.

No, you know what? I used to say it pomade and then a girl corrected me when I was 19 years old. I remember the very moment and I was like, okay, it's pomade then because that's say it pomade and then a girl corrected me when I was 19 years old I remember the very moment and I was like okay. It's pomade then because that's what she said and she's a girl Is it pomade or pomade? She has way more way more authority He's a disciple of the bald

How long how long have you been doing like you said you stopped oh three years so listen when people talk I guess that'd be really cool three of us listen to women that's actually part of our personalities just checked our credit scores and Aiden is a full 100 points higher than me

and I don't understand how that works it's cause I'm financially responsible stop talking to me. Anyway, check out Rocket Money. Have you ever subscribed to something? You ever forgot you're subscribed to something? I forgot I had three credit cards and I was overcharged on all of them. So I just canceled them a couple of years ago.

I saw that I was still paying for Xbox Live a week ago. Isn't that crazy? That's real. I'm not saying this for the ad. That is crazy. I realize I'm paying saying this for the ad that is crazy i realize i'm paying for xbox live i haven't played xbox live in like 10 years you don't even have an xbox anymore nope and i i actually saw it because of rocket money because i actually use it i'm not kidding this is real so anyway check out rocket money the personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spendings and helps lower your bills all in one place what are you laughing at i got rid i got rid of my

climbing gym subscription that cost of 95 a month yeah it's 95 dude it's 95 a month and i just didn't use it for like four months i just forgot what the hell is that about i don't know he said he was gonna go with us and then he just didn't go. No, 95 is the crazy part. Oh, climbing gyms are expensive, but it's access to all touchstone gyms. Yeah, and I went to one of them. Anyways, to stay on topic, Aiden saved his wallet because he used Rocket Money, which is kind of tight. Look, Rocket Money, can you help me increase my credit score? In exchange, I will tell you guys to go to rocketmoney.com slash the yard. To be clear, Rocket Money doesn't help you pay back payments.

I'm asking. I'm asking. If they say no, then I'll be like, okay, I'll ask someone else. But I can ask them. Boys, stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way. Could you ask Mr. Fico? By going to rocketmoney.com slash the yard.

That's rocketmoney.com slash the yard. Ask no one to help you. Mr. Fico, if I can get more points. yard. That's rocket money comm slash the yard mr. Fico Money new motto suggestion better money better people the best is second place I me I Cheated to beat my roommates tax score. I cheated. Yeah, that'd be my next video So back to the episode I get slime with hair back. I cheated? Yeah, that'd be my next video. Okay, so back to the episode. Let's get slime with hair back now. I evaded. Oh, are you heating it up? I gotta dry it. It's like a computer. It is like a computer.

You're all, it's a computer system. Wow. This is the data and spread it. You look so good. Shut up, Ludwig. I feel bad saying you look so good Yeah that's the evil Yeah that's the evil of this

Is cause I'm gonna have this hair It's gonna look really good cause Sam's good at her job And then people are gonna be like wow you look a lot better And then I'm gonna be like well that's cool Do you think this exists for baldness then? What'd you say? Is there a Sam that helps your bald shape I don't think bald

caps. You need to shape a skull. What are you talking about? Bald caps. I don't think there's a person like Sam who chisels people's skulls to make them look better. I'm sorry, Sam, does that exist? Say it again, does what exist? Someone to chisel your bald head to make it

look better when you're bald. Yeah, so I have a guest who was very flat, so he got an implant. No way. Wow. See? See? We're going to chisel your head.

My head looks good. Well, you don't have a bad head shape, but we could chisel it and make it look better. There's nothing to improve on. Well, there's always something to improve on. Yeah, like your gap teeth You want to do this? I like my gut you know I do like it. I've stopped wearing my retainer Dude, if he did not speak French that would be fucked up to have a gap tooth because he does it saves it You may Get my teeth. It's okay. Put put the citric acid in there and I smoke it.

Did they call that the London look? Was that like a... Yeah, yeah. No! No they don't! That's what they call it. No, they just call it normal teeth. I'm from London! Look at my teeth! Uh, you guys... Fucking hell!

I want some chips, please! You guys are victims. Victims of what? Of the dental program in America which forces every kid to get braces and retainers- This is Cope. No, every- have you not seen the uniformity of American teeth versus the rest of the world? You haven't seen what my teeth looked like before. My teeth were fucked up.

I'm telling you- I wouldn't be on this show. Are you saying I'd be better off without braces? I'm saying they over prescribe braces to kids, oftentimes on the premise that it helps your spine in 55 years, and I think it's just big

dental trying to get everybody hooked. I think what you're trying to say is there's a body image problem in the world that is obviously true. We'll gawk at people in South Korea and Turkey with all their plastic surgery and hair stuff and then gladly shape our teeth into the perfect rows that we require.

I want you to look at this. We're sick. This is like the anti-circumcision lobby. Is it canine tooth? Yeah. I want you to imagine that tooth up here. Think about that. And think about how much of a freak. You do not have to convince me. I believe you to imagine that tooth up here think about that

You do not have to convince me. I believe you were fucked since birth I Am talking to the Americans in the room true that is true Oh orthodontics really straining the head jaws and spine by correcting and balances the bite This is from the medical orthodontist website. They told me that's why they said I needed to get I had to get a Hertz device All right, so your point is that that's not true? What's your point? I'm saying they over-diagnose and they over-prescribe this to every kid. Everyone loves straight teeth. Well, they do because Big Dental won. Yo. I don't think they won. I think we naturally look at that and we're like, oh, if they're straight, our eyes like

that better. I just sad I think if I didn't go to the dentist as a kid. I wouldn't have done so many highlights Games in the magazines dude, and I would be less smart. I I fragged out on the highlights Yeah, I was killing it in there. It was easy. You you could do this without goofus and go on I always knew that goofus was sorry what the hell? It's the good guy in the back Someone in the comments that you were lying about that no it's true you lied about Lie you lied about highlights. That's a weird lie. You believe in the cause he looked stupid

Straight okay there Half at a time, how do you do half like front and back? Yeah, just do back first. That way, if it's not perfect, they can pull it off. It's being applied, audio listeners. And he looks beautiful. It's like when Velma puts her glasses off. Velma was hot with her glasses on. No. It's Linda Cardinelli. She's really pretty. The cartoon didn't say that.

Wait, in the movie? In the live action didn't say that. Yeah, in the movie. It's like in Pink Panther. She was hot both times. Yeah, she's just an extremely beautiful person. Like me. You look like Corey Matthews. I'll take that. Da banger!

Feedy! Mr. Matthews, it's fake hair. When it's back like this, you look like a high school athlete with a headband in. Yeah? What's up? My name's Tyler the Beast. I imagine this is the nightmare scenario of someone with a headband in. Yeah? What's up? My name's Tyler the Beast.

I imagine this is the nightmare scenario of someone with a hair system. It's like, it's a windy day. And it goes... Can you show me that? I don't know what I look like. If we put blood under there and have you run around the city? It's like the guy version

of the Marilyn Monroe dress. Yo. Except it's way more hot and sexy. You're fully naked besides the hair, and you're still doing the Marilyn Monroe thing. It's blowing back. It's just flopping around. Or you know what would be worse?

As if you're hooking up with someone, and you look up and your hair is like... They don't tell you the whole time. And they're gonna see it because he loves Mish. I do. That's a running joke on the show. Joke. Not a joke. It's a joke, basically.

It's not a joke, it's just the truth, but they make it into a joke because they like to mock my lifestyle. Your lifestyle of mish. I think it's cute. We do mock his lifestyle. It is true. Floor, heater. Yeah. Maybe I take a little more shit than I should.

Maybe Aiden should get more. No, no, no. We give Aiden enough shit. Pass the buck to me. I think Aiden's been in short supply. I will say every ad read we do just naturally magnetizes toward shitting on Aiden. It'll be like, Manscaped, Aiden, go kill yourself. Anyway, shave your balls.

It's weird. It's weird how it just happens that way. I've been trying to consciously not do it, but it's like magnets. It's like it's nature. Because the alternative is like Manscaped. They get it by farming Liberian children's blood and putting it into the batteries. They don't like what I do. You guys don't like what I do.

And then we'll have to get an email and it'll be like people with Manscaped will be like, yeah, you actually can't talk about like the children in my building. Don't say that we use clown meat. And then we'll sit here. It's like, I can't believe they want to fucking make good for that artistry.

Yeah, when we said they had clown meat in the factor meals and they didn't have us do a make good, I was like, there it is. My favorite cut ad read is this. We went on like a minute long rant about how HelloFresh burns all their trash. Burn it right outside. Burn it right outside. That's not even for the sake of, like, the read.

It's just us trying to hurt their company while they're paying us to not do that. Yeah, it is bad. I just sit there quiet, knowing the chaos you're doing. For everybody that loved the Shady Rays, like, barge read, that's where that came from, is we were talking about them burning trash on barges.

We try now to do way less make goods in fact none because ludwig ludwig said something i never forgot it was like dad it was like the dad dog growling at us he's like can't be doing these make goods and i was like uh-oh that's bad ludwig cares now we're in trouble you give him freebies it is we are giving him freebies so now you know i had to make good the other day, I was pissed off For what? I did a StumbleGuys sponsor, and then halfway through the sponsor Just leaked all my info, like my fucking credit card

Thank God I don't have to handle this anymore It was like Steam, I was like, I want a skin And then it opened up Steam And then Steam was like, here's everything you have And I was like, okay, cool And then I ended stream and I restarted And I had like way less viewership And then I was playing StumbleGuys and I was like okay cool And then I ended stream and I restarted and I had like way less viewership And then I was playing some guys and I got mad and I ult f4d I go to open back up steam was down

So I played on like the browser version and it was against AI And I was crushing Some guys didn't care that you were electric against the bots? They didn't care that I was electric. Damn. You've leaked your credit card, like, how many times? So many times, man. It's a lot. But I like to give back.

Do you not know how Steam works? What's up? I like Steam books. Haven't you cracked cases? Isn't it the same thing? Get Ben. Get Ben. Get Ben.

I don't even do it. I'm like, because I wanted to buy the revolver ocelot sheriff on Valorant and I just waited until stream was over. It looks so cool. It's cool because they go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's $40. Shit. I spilled coffee all over my pants just now. Oh, that's all right, man. It's my fault. Are you doing this? Like when you're,

when you're pressing it back and forth like that, are you making sure there's like not air bubbles or something? Yeah, no creases. Oh, it's like when you put it on like window frosting. Yeah, frosting yeah that way it lays flat

because in case there's an air bubble then animals will live inside it and that's scary we're not talking because audio listeners we're just staring at him he looks he looks he looks funny right now imagine he was just like this all the time i don't like it's gonna be our month it's's gonna be it's gonna be awesome I was thinking I have to go to uh, we were going to fate me and Aiden and I have to go to fucking Europe And I have to decide whether or not I want to keep this for that trip Wait, why do you how why do I have to? Does he have an option? Yeah, when is fate? Fuck you guys I had to grow out my stupid hair for fucking six weeks and I have to wear this I can do what I want

I can take this off in a week. I'll try to get the most value out of it But if it sucks a lot, I'm fucking taking it off. You can't do anything about it. You literally can't He's right because he does have free will but I would be disappointed. I don't care But maybe it will be a month and I'll like it. I would ask for it for at least Three podcasts. I think it's fair. Does this count as one? Yes, okay three podcast carries through they carries through the fate three podcasts? I think it's fair. Does this count as one? Yes. Okay. Three podcasts carries through. It carries through to fate.

Maybe I have the boys in, maybe I have Sechi rip it off. Ooh, would that hurt? Is that a bad idea to rip it off? It would just... It would tear my skin? No, you'll just be very gooey. You'll be like, ooh, and it'll be like...

It'll like snap back like flubber oh my god does this look good so far Sam in terms of the process what does he look like to us is he a good client like who is this guy okay so if you see me at

if I'm a barista at Starbucks guys I'd tip you you'd tip me wow oh no I don't you don't tip me no

what if I'm fucking chill as fuck and my name's Tyler the beast ooh do you ask if I want olive oil no cause I know

you don't want it you kinda look like then I tip you kinda look like a new like OTK streamer and I'm like who's this

yo what's up I was on I was on Mizzy's game show. I are you just saying he looks like he plays Wow He's kind of looks like you right now. Yeah Yeah But like no no to the hairs to you look at a Valorant caster Yeah, I feel like one You gotta go get like a v-neck on dude the wet hair look is crazy I think this is cool You gotta go get like a v-neck on. Dude the wet hair look is crazy on him.

Can we get a v-neck and then glue this on your chest? And you can have like a- Austin Powers? Yeah. Wait can we get the PTZ? Wow. Turn your head that way more. Oh my god look at him bro. Dude I look sick. You look like a dick who's the lead singer of a band. Yeah I look like I drove a motorcycle here.

Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. You look like a dick Who's the lead singer of a band Yeah I look like I drove a motorcycle here Yeah There's nothing wrong with that Wait didn't you sell the Vespa Speaking of yeah okay Was Kitty mad So we did the charity auction stream with Connor Wait Was it real you didn't know

No I'm a great phenomenal actor Okay Phenomenal actor I No you did your thing No you're not Phenomenal You did your Ludwig no you know you're not i phenomenal you did your loving thing where you go what what what my best mom what i was like oh he knows so i the we

did connor's charity auction stream with off brand raised 350k big win you sound like you said rizzed it which you didn't and we rizzed it up and one of the items was uh supposed to be for me and and connor recommended my car he's like what if we sold your your purple twitch car okay and i was like well i kind of use that i drive it around and stuff uh i was like maybe the vespa because i've been talking to cutie about getting a new vespa because this one was like it's kind of like a starter vespa which sounds like a crazy thing to say she heartbroken heartbroken? No, she was chilled. Because she got me this not actually knowing if I was going to like the Vespa or if it would be like a pizza phase. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Everything has to be like that. You also didn't ride it for a long time. I didn't. When I first got it, I rode it for like four months because it was stuck in the box. Yeah, yeah. But so she got this Vespa. It's like, it worked pretty well.

It was from China, though. And it was like, it had a few issues with it uh and so i was like yeah you can auction this off uh fast forward they took the vespa i forgot all about this um forgot to tell cutie that you were doing it forgot to tell her that they were auctioning it off i told her that i was going to get a new vespa we talked about this thoroughly but i didn't tell her what i was doing with the old vespa and then day of they go to auction off my vespa and then that's how she found out which i felt horrible about that was that was that was bad comms uh and the winning the winning bid is 14k extra drama the guy who bid it backed out wow i was wondering if that would happen with the how high amounts were. It happened with only

one item, thankfully. It almost happened with the second but. Did the 20k, 15k Germa card guy come through? Yeah. Damn. Yeah, yeah. But with the Vespa, you can back out? The person who won so you can't because the way Tiltify works is you put your credit card in and it charges your credit card. They claimed credit card fraud and they sent

an email saying that someone sold a credit card. That's so fucking dumb. It could be real. Sure. Sure. That's, that's a good one. Cause it went to an online bidder. It went to an online bidder.

Yeah. And so they basically claimed, Hey, someone stole this credit card. It's not actually me. And they gave it a whole paragraph. Could be real, could be fake,

but you don't want to like assume either way. You just had to refund. They, they bought it before coming and after like looked at what they were doing. Yeah. Oh, I don't want this, actually. The next highest winner was me. And so they asked, they go down, who wants it?

And after the event, I was like, I don't want to spend $13,000 for my own Vespa. Oh, because you're not locked in because you didn't win. No. Yeah. And then the next highest was Ahsan, who wanted to blow it up with Tannerite. But turns out you can't do that in California legally. You'd probably drive to Vegas and do it. You could, but it'd be a lot of work.

And he's like, I don't know if I want to do that. Well, you probably could in California. It costs a shitload. Remember, it costs us a hundred fucking grand to blow up the car. That's what I'm saying, but we did it in California, in Hollywood. Yeah, but he basically had to spend 13K

to spend another 30K to blow it up. He's a millionaire. Also, are you listening? Simon's getting his hair snipped right now. You look great. We'll give an... It looks fucking so much better than I ever thought it would look. Yeah, I'm handsome.

I'm handsome. Not because of you. I'm saying as a hair system, it looks more real than I ever would have expected. Sam's got a new job. That's what I'm saying. Plus ratio. Plus you're white. You are handsome.

Plus you're white. Okay. Charming. I feel like I need to give you something and you're just flashing out. Plus you're white. Your ratio. Okay. He's like a dog we found.

It's just mad. Yeah. He needs to be right along for three hours. you're white you're you're you're ratio okay he's like a dog we found it's just mad yeah he needs dude speaking of uh i guess not anything at all i met grace vandeen and i explain the more context because you're just you're just saying it like you're excited i am excited because i if you guys don't know the tattoo on my arm is from starship troopers which is they all get the tattoo before they go fight the bugs in the army. It's a great movie. It's a cult classic. I grew up loving it.

So I got this tattoo. Her father is Casper Van Dien, the main lead in the fucking movie, Rico. And I'm like, that's crazy because she does stream stuff now. I'm probably going to end up crossing paths with her. And on the show, I was like, I have to disclose that I have a tattoo that her dad got in a movie so i meet her she's really really nice she's really sweet we started talking i was like i have to tell you i told myself i tell you i have this tattoo and she's like oh my god that's so cool and i'm like yeah right that's cool just ideal bottom to top and then and then he's like okay now about the back tattoo. I did. I did. I did. No, I also have a tattoo for you.

I have both. She was like, oh, my God, that's so cool. Can I take a picture and send it to him? Like, yes. Yes. If you want to, I guess. Because she was like, she's like super close with her dad. And like, they apparently have talked about getting this tattoo as well.

Like, as a like a father first. Yeah. I mean, a couple of people. So it's like he's a part of the family. I would assume he would have it. apparently have talked about getting this tattoo as well like as a like a father first yeah i mean he doesn't have a couple people so it's like he's a part of the family i would assume he would have it uh he doesn't actually have it no it's for the movie well i know but like you know maybe she sent it to him and he messaged her back and he was like that's awesome tell him welcome to the roughnecks which is the what does that mean it's the in the movie it's like the the group of soldiers that fight the bugs wow and i was like this is the greatest day does that mean? It's the, in the movie, it's like the, the group of soldiers that fight the bugs. And I was like, this is the greatest day of my life. That's great.

That's gotta be up there. I was telling him like, that's like the most ideal thing that could ever happen. Yeah. It was so, cause she's so nice and he's nice. And one day we're all going to fight real bugs together. I hope not. I really hope not. Why?

Because. Oh, you don't want to defend Buenos Aires. It's not about Argentina. It's more so about that. I don't want bugs attacking earth, but they will We're gonna need him in grace Rolling up and he has a galley gun attached to it like a twisted metal guy. Drake's not a wheelchair anymore. Yeah, but he would use it. He would-

He would bring the wheelchair back out as a special transformer. It'd be like a weapon. What's that Jackie Chan movie where he's on like 30 rollerblades? Uh, that's Rollerblade Warrior in the Bronx. Is it? No, it was so good though. You definitely sold that. You said that with so much conviction.

I just trust you and love you and you're so wrong. What does this mean? So did I... What happened with the bike? What happened? I don't know. I think we had to find... We had to just keep going down the list to see someone who will take my damn bike.

Why don't you just ride the hoe? What? Ride it. How would that solve the issue? The issue is that this is the only item that we had to do for make-a-wish so give fucking fourteen thousand dollars to someone you piece of shit you got fucking bread what is it what is this solve you're just saying give 14k to someone because what you're saying that the the money is not there anymore uh because it got charged back we basically

had to go through the list because a lot of people bid so we can find someone who bid we just keep going down. It's just funny. They charge back. And number two is me. And number three is us all. It is funny that like all the people who bid don't want it. Because like what were they thinking in the room? Well, I think there's also an aspect of a charity auction stream where like you buy

something incredibly dumb or, you know, way overvalued. But it's because you're doing it for charity during the hype of it. And if it's like a week later and you're like, hey, do you want this pair of Sykuno swim trunks for 11K? I don't like charity that much. Yeah. I would like charity if people are filming me donate.

Yeah, it was funny in the moment, but now this sucks. I think it's more like you get wrapped up in the hype. I think there's a reason why all the money's raised in that period. Like I bought a mallet for 5K. What kind of mallet?

It's Legal Eagle's mallet. Did people kept saying you got tricked into doing that yeah it's because they were raising the amount by so little as annoying so it'd be like four thousand nine hundred four thousand nine hundred fifty five thousand what's the minimum you could raise fifty fifty but they would raise it by the minimum every time so i was in the crowds chirping the crowd i was i was sounding off so i went min raise every time. And then Connor's like, why don't you raise it? I'm like, fine.

5,051 to be a dick. And you click it back. And then nobody bid another dollar. They all start snickering. I just got stuck with it. Nobody bid another dollar. Wait, so are you into Legal Eagle now? I watched his stuff before when legal stuff comes up,

but I'm not like, I forgot we were doing this. And now I'm looking at it again I'm so happy I wish you were dead I know me too me too I was saying I was mad at you

because I like Legal Eagle a lot and I watch him I think before you did and then you now you're like now Legal Eagle's like you know your buds with him

it's like when you watch Truesight and you're like I just love Jerix and I love Dota and I'm like go fuck yourself Jerixix and I love Dota. Oh yeah. And I'm like, go fuck yourself. Jerix is my favorite and Dota 2 is fun. OG.

Bring back OG. Yeah, bring them back. Me and Aiden were talking about was, do you think that if Slime, not at some sort of party or event, if Slime's just walking down the street, like going to get groceries in his neighborhood, and he walks right past Drew Gooden, would he recognize him? Yeah. Of course I would. 100%.

I know what Drew looks like. We talked about it. We both arrived to he won't. I know what Drew looks like. I think you only know what he looks like on a computer screen. Doesn't Drew Gooden also- That's his human face, you fucking idiot. Doesn't he also have bleach-bond hair right now?

Yes. And he looks like the guy from Sky High who can glow in the dark. He looks slightly different than he usually looks. So I think Slime would double-take this person regardless because they stand out. And then he would come to real... Wait, because they have blonde hair?

Because they stick... Yeah, bleach-blonde hair is something that's very... It's like... Is that Lil Peep? I think someone with bleach- bleach blonde hair sticks out a little more it's him he's back and he's a little peep of youtube that's not necessarily the way you feel it's not necessarily now that you know that he's the little peep of youtube dude so i had to i had to have a two-hour break during the charity auction stream i just couldn't be on the

stream because i had a sponsored State Farm segment. And they're like, I was like, hey, can I please, like, please? Because I've been reacting to it the whole time. I was like, can I please just let it play for the kids and wheel in the TV like everyone else is doing? And they're like, sure, but you can't be on any other streams. And I was like, oh. You might as well have just been there. Well, I wanted to be there for the start and the end.

Or you might as well have been there for the State Farm thing. Yeah, but I was at the start of Connor's stream for an hour, and then I was at the end for an hour. Yeah, yeah, I was, I wanted to be up there for the start and the end. Or you might as well have been there for the safe room thing. Yeah, but I wanted to, I was at the start of Connor stream for an hour and then I was at the end for an hour. Yeah. Yeah. So I couldn't do both. I see. So anyway, I had to leave for two hours.

So just walking around downtown Los Angeles and, uh, and I just walked into a random like restaurant bar and I just got a drink and I'm sitting there like a, like a working stiff. Yeah, actually. Cause I was wearing a button down with a tie that was slightly loosened because it was hot sit down next to

Jimmy McNulty fucking swap stories I walk I slam and I go just a whiskey and uh someone's like

so what do you do it's like two jobs I'm not at either of them damn this guy's fucking cool I do walk in the bartender's like what do you like i'm just whiskey ginger and then uh i'm sitting there for a bit she doesn't say a word to me a guy walks up like like very determined he turns around he works there and he goes ludwig i go yep and he goes and then he walks away and instantly the bartender's like what's going on here and so like i have to explain i'm like oh

like i'm a youtuber i think he recognized me she's like oh i thought you were like a lawyer i didn't want to talk to you and i was like oh okay and then yeah and then you're one of those asshole fucking lawyers coming to the bar she's like asking if i know anyone she might know in the youtube sphere she's like kai sanat i was like no him broke the YouTube sphere, she's like, I was like, no, him broke my record. And then she's like, is there anyone else you would have worked with? And I was like, Oh,

Mr. Beast. She's like, nah, I was like, what? She's like, not doing it for me.

I just don't know that name. That's crazy. I thought that was crazy. You're saying he's a Mr. With breasts. No, Mike sense. Does it also,

she didn't see him holding his Mr. Beast on, on Twitter. Apparently. Oh, you're talking about how I was holding his cock she didn't see him holding his Mr. Beast on Twitter, apparently. Oh, you're talking about how he was holding his cock and ball? He was holding his cock and ball. That was a great picture. Do you think he held it weird? He was gripping that shit.

No, I think he held it normal. In his before and after pic with his workout progress? Yeah. He's not holding cock and ball. I would have held it with three hands. He's saying if it honks. Can you go to Mr. Beast's Twitter and show his before and after? Because he looks great.

His body looks like it could not quit. Yeah. Can you zoom out a little bit? Or is that the whole picture? His before looks like AI-generated by MrBeast. I swear there's more zoomed out. Is there embarrassing bears in this photo? No, because it's a side-by-side on Twitter.

This is like someone making their own side-by-side. Yeah, just find the actual Twitter post. Because Mr. Beast is grabbing his beast, and I thought it was really interesting, and then he was like,

damn, so many people saw this. That's crazy. From Mr. Beast to Mr. Beast. And I like that. That's what I've been saying. I like how he's getting fit.

I'm ignoring it. The point that he says the stickiest line of all time, he goes, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. He'll be like,

the dumbest shit anyone said all day, it'll just go, that's what I'm saying.'s what I'm saying He'll be like The dumbest shit Anyone said all day It'll just go That's what I'm saying You know what I do? I do Stinky or stinky? Huh?

Stinky Stinkiest You know what I say is You know what I'm saying That's the same thing That's I know So we have the same tick I don't think

When we drop stinkers I've never heard you say this That's what I'm saying I say it all You just don't listen when I talk You just don't drop stinkers You don't respond to me You don't listen when I talk

Alright well you said You wanted to bring this on the pod. I responded to you. You said you wanted to bring it up on the pod. Dude, he is. Bro is checking if it makes a noise when you squeeze it. His legs look great. Yeah, his quads look good.

I think he's flexing the quads, but I don't think he's flexing his chest. I don't like him grabbing cock and ball, though. Why? Do you prefer to wear the hang? I feel like it's just you know you're already dominating me in so many

ways in life I would flex and then put a weirdly large emoji there like the android laughing

emoji that one goes hard and deep fried a little bit it is insane that he caught almost a million

likes on this post he has been obsessively working out I remember when I went to visit he had just a squat rack in his kitchen yeah he's got he's got a stair master in his living room okay well we have to get we have to let anthony leave the room because anthony is afraid of shorts and short pants and anything of that kind uh and we have an ad read to do um for a company called bird dogs which i know you're thinking bird dogs is that the species that aiden is no bird dogs is a company that sells

shorts take it away short shorts they sell shorts and and pants too how did i catch you straight no hey go ahead let me he can't do it so you go go ahead. I don't understand. No, no, it's all your time. If you guys want anti-stink sweat short fabric. Don't say it. What? Don't say I'm stinky and that I need the pants because they're stink resistant. And sweat resistant. So use anti-stink sweat wicking fabrics to keep me cool and dry because I'm a stinky sweaty boy. Aiden's got a stink down there.

to keep me cool and dry because I'm a stinky, sweaty boy. Aiden's got a stink down there. And if he wanted to combat that, he would wear the Bird Dogs anti-stink sweat-wicking fabric. They use clout fabric that looks like khaki, but stretches.

This is cloud knit. It's clout knit. Clout knit. Not clout fabric. Cloud knit. It makes it look like khaki, but it stretches. That's the nice part.

And anyway, you guys can go to birddogs.com slash the yard. Check out the Peter Pansexuals. They're my favorite. It's actually one of their shorts names is the Peter Pansexuals. Don't laugh. And look, hey, for all you little stinky little guys out there,

they give you a free Yeti tumbler, like a cup, which is great, because I know you got a bunch of cups on your desk that you haven't washed yet. And so this will be an extra one that also stays a little bit colder than a glass. So go to birddogs.com slash the yard. That's B-I-R-D D-O-G-S dot com slash the yard or the link on the

screen. And Aiden, why don't you tell us why you're so stinky? Are you so insecure? Dude, I'm not stinky. We're going back to the episode. I'm not insecure about being stinky. Use the promo code The Yard. Slime, come back! Use promo code TheArt. I'm on 10k steps. I got the thingy on my thing. I'm ready to... I've been... I've been

bloodwig-pilled. Whoa. You got me. Oh my god. Also, I was gonna bring up you not responding, but the reason why you were fucking an hour late today is because you brought Peter and your mom, so I was like, that's fine. I was with my Mia Familia. Yeah. So I was like, that's great. It's nice to see them. Yeah. Me and Peter. We hang out. I showed her YouTube yesterday. Like. Yeah. So I was like, that's great. It's nice to see them. Me and Peter. I showed her YouTube yesterday.

Like the website. The website. What? That's cool. She likes Ryan Trahan. That sounds really sick. I don't know. So did you guys like sit down together and just watch videos?

Yeah. And she likes Ryan Trahan. She likes Ryan Trahan. Doesn't she watch your videos? The only videos she watches are mine and Cutie's. And now Ryan Trahan Wow The three pillars of journalism

This is what Slime is like too I'll be like Slime have you heard of this guy His name is Mark Rober And he'll be like cool I still don't know who that is So you're like my mom It's like Mr. Beast then Mark Rober He's like the next guy Yeah but I've heard of Mr. Beast, then Mark Rober. He's like the next guy.

Yeah, but I've heard of Mr. Beast. For a long time, he had the highest average view per video. Oh, yeah? We were at the warehouse with Mr. Beast, and you told Mr. Beast that you hadn't seen any of his videos? Yeah, I think that's interesting, though. I think it's more interesting for Mr. Beast to meet someone like that than someone who is like,

dude, I loved that one or whatever. I didn't say that to fuck with Mr. Beast. I just said it like, hey, you might find this interesting. Next time we'll bring

the bartender. That. Be like, this is Mr. Beast. Yeah. And the bartender will be like, okay. Is that like your name?

Do you drink? Yeah. We're the breasts. Where's Kai sitting at? Yeah. Where's Kai? He said you'd bring him. All right. Oh, he's getting styled up. He's getting styled up Did you see the mr.. Beast tweet? Yes, cocking balls. No or the the clip he was on call and Samir

And he said I could get 20 million subscribers in six months I did and it minute created a bit of a controversy. It was very Ludwig pilled because you did the same thing with the your video Yeah, it was it created a bit of a controversy. It was very Ludwig Pilt because you did the same thing with your video. Yeah. Can you explain the controversy? He said he could make an anonymous YouTube channel and with all the knowledge he has, get 20 million subscribers in six months. Sheesh. In six months?

Yeah. And then he got roasted and then defended vehemently. I think one thing he does know about is that. I think he could. I don't think you could reach that subscriber account but i think he could pull in an extraordinary amount of views like i bet he could get a channel that averages 10 million plus views a video i'm aiden pilled i think aiden's right you think he's right you think mr bees is capping i think subscriber accumulation is more about, you just need more time to hit that quantity.

Like 20 million is a ridiculous number, and it's easier, I think it's easier to make a channel that is just hitting extraordinary levels of views. What's the most subscribers you've gotten off one short? 400K. Maybe it's possible. Yeah, with shorts it would be possible.

It definitely was not possible right yeah you'd have to if you uploaded like insane shorts if he did that once a week he would get there in a few months i feel like part of the reason why it's difficult is like the value of subscribing to something as a user has just dropped like people have less of a reason to even do it yeah i did ask youtube if it's a dead metric and they're like, kinda. Really? Well, like Adam Reducia says,

it's just a measure of how long you've been around more than actually people who subscribed to you. Stop quoting a guy you stopped watching years ago. No, I do that all the time. You know what's interesting? Looking at our YouTube analytics is we had a one of 10 this week with Amaranth in the thumbnail and a flashlight.

Not any sort of sex toy. I knew the psychology would still work. Right. We still got demonetized. Insane. We did? Yeah. Obviously.

No, I know why. I know why. It's Archie's fault, not our fault. Fucking Archie. Because he put up something blurred in the first 30 seconds. I'm going to fucking, I'm going to stone cold stun you next week. Oh yeah, you're going to stun next week. Fucking Archie. Because he put up something blurred in the first 30 seconds. I'm going to fucking, I'm going to stone cold stun you next week. Oh yeah,

you're going to stun next week. Or the other two weeks. Oh, now I'm sad. This is so sin. Our last video had a bunch of viewership from specifically the subscriber feed.

Oh. Because we had Amaranth in it maybe. But it must have been like a few thousand. I mean, it was like 25%. What? Wait, that's weirdly high.

That is insanely high. That's absurd. And maybe it's because it's like wrapping up a story from past episodes. So people who already watch are coming to watch this one. Interesting. Because it's like we talked about it a long time ago. Oh, that makes sense.

Or something. Or because boobs and thumbnail. I have to imagine it's boobs and thumbnail. I'm sure you're the piano girl, right? Piano girl. No. Have I shown you this channel? No.

Oh, hold up. Okay, it's Phil. Okay. I need to find this. Anyway, so like I was saying. Hello, my baby. I often, it just gravitates toward wishing Aiden was in some kind of saw torture device and that he's being punished for everything he's ever done.

And I don't know why. Why is that your comfort place? Hey, what's up, baby? Why is that your comfort place? I feel like he wouldn't notice. Right? That's why. If he was in like a saw torture device, like he would be like, he would just be like, this place is nice.

It's quiet. I have a low pain tolerance. Oh, wait. Oh, he's going to. The automatic quiet. That's a low pain tolerance. Oh, wait. Oh, he's going to. The automatic voice would come on? No, a little bit. One wig. One wig.

We're going to cut you up and eat you and then serve you to factor. Yeah. Good enough. Good enough. You're our clown for the clown meat. Can you look up pan piano on YouTube zipper? Okay, so this YouTuber is a pianist and just made regular piano covers for a long time.

And then she... Are you laughing at penis? She decided to change up her thumbnail game and I want you to tell me what some of the strategy might be if you're able to pop that open. Because you guys are kind of

YouTube heads now. Yeah. I am a YouTuber. I don't know who Mark Rober is, but I'm sure he's nice. I think it's finally we're far enough in history now where I can start saying I'm a youtuber to like relatives and they get it. Okay. Yeah, so these are the old ones bring back old

This is the oldest yet. They brought back oldest so you can see regular panel covers now. Just go by newest Okay looks good. Oh Does she still play piano yes, so yeah She still play piano. Yeah, so yeah It's like her basically fully naked with a flute in front of her body and then the actual video is just her Fully clothed sitting down and playing the piano. Oh, so in the video she just The video she's just playing the piano. Genius. That is so interesting. What the fuck? And like occasionally she'll be a little more honest and she'll like, it'll be a cosplay in the thumbnail and she'll wear the cosplay while playing the piano.

And the title is just like, playing, you know, Sword Art Online theme song. Yeah. But the thumbnails are like- That's so smart. We should do that with Aiden. Yeah Like every episode is you in a new weird outfit like you're a hot sexy fish There's nothing you're still wearing a fish. I don't know cuz we can be interesting. So give me interesting Don't you want to interesting for once? Yeah, I would be great if you want to be interesting So it can be interesting. Don't you want to be interesting for once? Yeah, I would be great if you were.

You want to be interesting for once. Come on! Reiterate that. Yeah, yeah. You can be a beautiful fish. I want to be interesting. I want to be your hot sexy fish. You can be my hot sexy fish for me. Alright, man! Sam, it seems like you have something to say. It's it? It's done?

Are we good? Pretty much. Wait, look at me, look at me, look at me. Wow. Can you turn, turn it a little bit? No, no, the other way, the other way. Wow. You look so sharp. Can I touch it?

Sure. Yeah. No, you know what? You can't. Oh my god. I'm gonna touch you. It's weird. He has hair. It's weird. Pull it. Pull it, bitch. It's not going anywhere. Holy shit. So Slime has a full head of hair looks it looks a bit more like Lionel Messi

You look like a hair who's that? Yeah, I hate you That is crazy Can you can you do like a PTZ like you're over to me? Okay? So if you're looking really really close even then you have to like be searching as a program. It's gonna take a second, okay? Looking really really close even then you have to like be searching as a program. It's gonna take a second, okay? So we're at Ludwig's position. I'll stay right here. We're gonna do a little we're gonna do a little swap back and forth All right, so just give a nice big smile swap back here Okay, so I'm pull up your hairline now? Just hold it up?

Hold up your hairline? I'll hold it up. Alright, now you gotta do this move for me, right? Let me shave my mustache. Bring it over here. So I do this move. This is gonna be your new move. Oh, I can do that.

You do. You do what? You do what? I do it with my bald head all the time. Okay. Do it? Do it? Okay, yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, wrong hand. Do it, do it. Okay, yeah.

No, wrong hand, wrong hand, wrong hand. In the wrong way. Yeah. So you got to do your right hand going to the right. It's actually like he's just never had hair before. You go right hand going to the right and you rub it through. It's hard, it's hard, it's hard. Yeah, it takes a little bit. You're so mean cool yours is your your part is very defined i think i think i'll respect your opinions more now good do you can you tell us how

you feel and be honest uh i feel fine it just feels it's like you can definitely like feel it on your head it feels very attached right um i think living with it is going to be a little different did you put product in it what do you okay you're gonna have to teach me how to like do this i'll teach you i'll have sam teach me i think you are annoying oh you're not doing it right i know it's because you're you're he hasn't had hair yeah wait so it goes this way it goes this you know why because when i had hair i would always part it to this way. You know why? Because when I had hair, I would always part it this way. So how they're sewn is this way. They give you more volume.

But they sew it so that way if you go this way, you get more of like a flat look. Ooh, now I'm Nick Yingling. You're Dawson. Wow. Oh my god. He's hot.

Of course I'm hot I'm fucking handsome Fuck you guys Middle part We could be in the 90s Ludwig No No Call it K-pop

It doesn't fit you K-pop part You're 30 man You're 30 I know So I don't use middle parts I leave it to the youngins The young people

What do you think about the cut As a whole I think it looks great The style I like it This is the kind of style i probably would have if i had actual hair um i also think if i like got a transplant it could never be this thick have you what do you know about transplants sam so they'll put them in there but whatever's still gonna go is still gonna go so then you'll have these little hairs wherever they're implanted and then all the things that still thin will kind of it looks great on the side like the side like the different like the transitions from your real hair to your face

hair it feels like it's like what do i do here you're trying to bring you're trying to bring the whole shit over? You're fucking it up. Don't. I mean, we can try that, too, if you want. So some of it's supposed to be in the end there? Yeah. So it's got like a part. Wow. And you can make it messy. It's fine.

But just how I blow dried it today. Yeah, yeah. I have to shampoo it, right? Yeah, you just shampoo your hair like normal. Wow, having your shampoo in your ears. But when you blow-dry it, you could do it so the whole shit come over, and then you wouldn't have such a defined part, and then it'd be easier to swipe it over. It's going to be so nice to buy a blow-dryer and then never use it again.

Wait, you're not going to style it? No, I'm saying, like, I have to buy a blow-dryer, and then I, like... How about you come over tomorrow, and I'll do your hair for you? And we can have a day. That'd be cute. You want to have a little day? We can have a day. On the 4th?

On the 4th of July, boys time, hair out? Boys time, hair out. Wait, can I? Shut the fuck up. This is for guys with hair only. The saw machine is coming for you tomorrow. For people with hair for the next five years guaranteed only. We can send a hook you up.

Figure it out. I don't need to be hooked up. Fine. Keep it going brother. This is what it feels like. I'm the least bald person in the podcast. Technically you are the least bald yeah. Is your hairlines

going? My hairline is worse than yours 100% right now like I have like a little bit he gets nervous about it it's cause his career rests on it it does not rest on it when I go bald I go to the bakery he wants to start a bakery it's weird no one respects this dream of his

you want to work at the bakery I do but I don't respect the dream but I'm a hard worker you can't work there now with the hair cause I respect it and respect. You want to work at the bakery. I do, but I don't respect the dream. But I'm a hard worker. Yeah, he is. You can't work there now with the hair. Because I respect it and you won't let me

work at the bakery. You got motorcycles to build. No, I can work the counter. Oh, front-facing employee. Do you think... You can make the blizzards. Yeah, I turn it upside down. I read this story.

Do you think you... This is totally separate and irrelevant to everything. Do you think you could turn a car into a motorcycle? I'm not an engineer ludwig no i couldn't do that also that's a two-stroke engine and cars are four-stroke you're do you know what that means you're you i wish you'd give me four strokes and shut the fuck up first off second oh this is about a guy is a twitter thread who's stranded in the desert and his car broke down and he turned it into a

motorcycle. That's crazy. His engine blocks are so heavy. I couldn't do it. So that's, if you're an engineer, good shit. So are we all done? Is that it? Wow. Well, thank you, Sam,

for coming on. Sam, why don't you plug yourself? Yeah, plug whatever you'd like to plug. I just have an Instagram. So it's at HairArtBySam. That's how Katie found her. Yeah, and you can message me on there for consultations. I don't generally do online consultations.

I like them in person so we can talk about what you need. But, yeah. So live near Vegas. You're going to get a bunch of clients who want this look all the slime Could you call this a slime? Marketable is it yeah, that's Sam's Instagram. She does good work. It's interesting too because if you go down her page You want to scroll? There a lot of the guys Soldiers there's a lot of soldiers

But there's also like a back room in which you can like you know you don't have to like be out there and some guys are really self conscious about it but I like the idea

when we started doing this and planning this out that we could like destigmatize the idea of getting like a hair system I think that's actually cool as much as we like

to roast me and shit I think feeling better about yourself and doing things like this is not shouldn't be really shameful So you know go on go and what is your face? You're making a no You say make a face to my mom. Oh no

You think about changes discord named a hair system of a down named the hair system of a down. That's so hard. I'm doing that instantly after this. Literally comes out with it sometimes. Comes out swinging. That's why he's smirking over there. So what time are we at?

We have another five, maybe. Another five or so? I would say ten, probably. Five, ten? Cool. Well, thanks, Sam. What do you guys want to do for the rest of the five minutes? We'll just do our... Don't look at me in the eyes. You're like... Oh, you don't... Well thanks Sam What do you guys want to do For the rest of the five minutes Just Sorry

Don't look at the eyes You're like Oh you don't What's wrong You're just a different guy You make me nervous now I make you nervous a little bit Stop talking to me

My name's Tyler Did your chest get bigger too I do work Yes I work out What do you want It shows with the Just covered in hair Covered in hair

Well it sounds like it looks great. Everyone's smitten with me. I like to imagine you have so much body hair, it's growing through your shirt. Yeah, I'm nut. Do you think from here you'll keep it? Because you said, I'm going to get rid of it in two weeks if I want to.

It depends. So I think it's been really hot out, so it's going to be how much I sweat and work out. So I asked Sam, she was was like so there's two different kinds right can you explain those uh like so indica oh yes also there's several different types of hair systems um there's a lace type that's good for people who are active so you could sweat through it it's a little easier to maintain on yourself so in the summer especially in vegas when it's like 120 most my

clients switch to a lace system um these are the most common this is what you see on tiktok and instagram where people are doing like all the you know swirls with the glue and this is like where i start people and then from there when we learn like the lifestyle that they have we could switch to whatever but typically they'll get the lace one when it's hotter out. But you said it's a little, it doesn't look as. It doesn't look as like seamless in the front. Okay. This, you could expose your hairline because it lays like really natural and flat where the lace is a little bit thicker.

So if you want to have your hair up, you kind of see it more. It's good for the people who like to wear their hair down. And I chose, I chose this one just because it looks way better. It's like, I'll be on the show obviously. Also with this style of hair I assume this is better. Yeah, because he's gonna expose his hair line. They're trying to lift up. Yeah. They do make hybrids too. Wrong way.

I always went this way. I know. That was my whole life. I had hair. It's weird you have muscle memory for your hair. No, it's not weird. You have like phantom hair. I also, when I'm stressed instead of running my hands through my hair I'll just run my head on my bald head

and you just let it touch the grit yeah I see how smooth it like after you shave okay you guys are assholes but if you've ever shaved your head bald

and with like a Gillette fucking Fusion 5 nothing better don't laugh Sam don't laugh at me nothing better you sponsored

the first cut into some construction, don't laugh at me. Nothing better. You sponsored. The first cut into some construction paper. Don't say yes. Don't say yes. Zipper has hair, by the way. It's zipper. It's actually a bunch of

zipper dreadlocks. It's really weird. The zipper can't zip up unless he shaves all the little. Yeah. The hairs get caught. The interlocks.

His pubes. His pubes. So you guys are smitten with me, huh? Yeah, you're hot, man. You're hot. Look good. And maybe I look good. Assholes. Well, my first thought is I want to throw you in the

Microsoft, or the Tony Hawk I want to throw you in the Tony Hawk simulator. I want like a new hair now. I want it like bleached. Run it all back. We should go back through and see if this looks like any of the ones that people suggested, like oneto-one, you know The pictures they have like long like it like oh man

That'd be cool. Not even like a mullet, but just like like really long like not the Jesus part, but like Jesus Dave Grohl specifically. Can I get Dave Grohl length? I want to see you with Sam's hair. Yeah, I'd look amazing. And I could put in a pony. Messy bun. Messy bun?

Because I'm working. Yep. Yeah. You are a working man. Yeah. What can I say? Well, everyone got their wish. Now you're going to have to send me $100 each.

We should do that right now. Let's set it. $100. Let's set him $100. This was a different bet. We all tried to go pescatarian for as long as we could. They all failed. I love animals.

Enough. You quit the moment you could. I quit the moment I could. Okay, what about Pierre? So what do you use Pierre for? To cut that out. I need to put it on something. And then when I put the adhesive on it,

I need to put it on something. Because I put adhesive on the hair system, and then you put it on you, too. Okay, got it, got it. Do you have other Piers? Do you have, like, other guys? Or is he your only... I have another one.

Is it a Pier? Yeah, it's another Pier. Is this your main Pier or your side Pier? This is the main Pier. No one wants to be the backup Pier. The travel Pier. I'll never be a side Pier. You're close enough to a side Pier.

What? Because you're French. No, that's not how that works. It's a sensitive time to bring up that I'm French. It is sensitive. Yeah. Your sister is out there on the streets right now. Oh, the Lionel Messi one?

Oh my God. It actually is. I'm telling you. It's just that his hair is more luscious and longer. It's a way better version of that. It's thicker Messi hair. Messi like 20 years ago. Wow.

I'm Messi. You're beloved. I'm beloved. I'm a beloved tennis player are you for real no I'm kidding okay

I was just if you stole it I was just agony for one second yeah yeah you wouldn't you're American bro

get with the times you're a god damn American citizen so is he a rap yeah we can rap you can rap You can rap Alright Let's wrap it up

Guys thank you so much For watching Again thank you Sam Anything else you want to plug Final moments Yeah Crocs Not you asshole Oh sorry

Thought that was for the group My bad You look beautiful Thank you What should we go do with him We should We should show him off We should walk him into barber shops

and be like would you cut his hair go get him a haircut just watch it yes oh yeah I appreciate you coming on join us in the Patreon episode where we will put Aiden in an actual real saw trap where he will lose

probably a limb most of his blood they just threaten to do terrible things to me week after week real saw trap where he will lose probably a limb. Most of his blood. Blood. 75%. They just threatened to do terrible things to me week after week. It's so weird. Sam understands. He doesn't naturally want to do that.

Because she's met you. She gets it. I think she gets it. We all get it. You'd put him in a blood machine, right? Would you put him in a blood machine? Yeah. All right.

With that ends our episode. Thank you all for watching. See you in the premium episode. Bye. I have no one. Yeah.