The Yard - Ep. 106 - Our studio got raided. (ft. Squeex)

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

This week, the boys are joined by Squeex! The boys discuss how Squeex first blew up, how he reached pro-level in CSGO, and how was fired over Zoom...

I'm so mad. What the fuck happened? I'm actually so mad. Why? Because we come, we brought... Squeaks, you might be the worst guest we've ever asked. You didn't even come down the slide. You know what?

What? Stop talking. Get out. Come out the slide. Go, get, get up. Yeah. And go through the door and come around and go down the slide. We're going to hold your kidneys down, Jenner.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, cool Game Boy watch. I'm going to need you to stand up. Wow. What am I? What is this? I got invited to get roasted.

I'll be right back. Oh, cool. I'm a pussy avoider. I didn't realize they still made them. You do have to take- Outlawed. Go through the house! You're breaking the- No, no, come on, go ahead. You're breaking the immersion.

Come back, come back. It's actually outside, it's actually outside. We're outside, we're outside everybody. It's a real house that you can go into. Then you have to go through the kitchen. Okay, well he's good. Does he have object permanence? Does he know that we're in here right now? His name is Squeaks. He's a really nice guy. Just try to be nice.

If you go like this, does he go like, Ludwig, where do you- Hey! Welcome! Here I am! Yeah, so we got- Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Mango has birthing hips. I can see you giving birth in my mind. Guys, we've been- Excuse me. Right now. We've been panty rated. Yeah. This is great.

I had no idea. Did you know about this shit, Ludwig? No. Actually, I have trust issues because Fear And apparently came here and recorded their podcast and then trashed our set as a joke. But I saw, because we did a sponsor stream, Me, Cutie, and Squeaks Today, that Will was here. And I called Cutie and i was like later in the day

i was like oh why was will here she's like oh he wanted to check out the warehouse he just wanted to like come through and i was like oh and i just and i trusted her blindly because i love her yeah on you so easily she could cheat on me so easily yeah i mean we know this right every surprise thing she's ever done for me i I have no clue it's happening. It's actually true. The stream we did, which is yesterday, as we're recording this today on Sunday, which is the three of us, we did Wizard of Oz. We had no idea.

I thought Ludwig would know. I thought so, too. I mean, I remember asking Ludwig. I was like, seriously. Wait, what is it? Okay, so I did know. So for some context, Cutie had this event where she invited like 12 people out, didn't tell them what the fuck they were gonna Do we all show up to this like really slick?

Quaint theater and she stands on stages like you guys are gonna be in Wizard of Oz It is the full Wizard of Oz place. It's so long. There's not a page omitted It is a two and a half hour play being sight read by everybody was crazy I know no, I don't happen what you're were doing something else i got asked to be in this and i said i said no i was like i really i really just want to chill this week like after getting back from from london i was like i want to do fucking nothing and then and i just assumed it would be like the play from the christmas thing which was you you did a really good job in that. Oh, thank you 15 minutes that's where I was skipping out on you did a two-hour play read two and a half and with like stage direction and

Stuff too. So when you're up there you're like, oh walk left. It's hard to like try to balance both Makeup we had costumes. They put me in full lead paint because I was the tin man and they wanted to be authentic. Yeah, Ludwig forgot science. He doesn't know it anymore. You did tin face? I don't fuck with that.

He did do tin face and it felt vaguely racist. It was not vaguely racist. It was fully racist. Yo, you don't do the voice in the back. The stare talks is going to be all over this.

But we have so yeah a couple things have happened we all did Wizard of Oz we got fucking our shit TP'd by Fear And which is so cringe because all they've been doing is biting our shit out of our ass and our butt

yo calling the yard out again this week hope they respond it's like free publicity when do we stop this when do we say enough is enough honestly in the yard out again this week. I hope they respond. It's like free publicity. When do we stop this? When do we say enough is enough? Honestly, the yard, they're pretty cool.

He thinks Steve-O is on. Who do you think that is on On and Fear Hand? Oh, that's Will Neff. Of course that's Will Neff. I can't argue. You've been nailing it the whole time. Let's just hope they don't do a podcast at Hassan's house. Where we do for your hand.

Because he can't be fucked to go and make a set for his podcast. Yeah, we would just have to go to Hassan's house, which he never leaves. He and Knoxville took a shit all over them. You always do that. You always joke to you and Knoxville. Yeah, because we fucking did so much, dude. And other people. Do that Anyway welcome everybody to episode 100 on the dog You guys kind of look like the chart at the barbershop. Like the Norwood chart.

I'm not balding, am I? Honestly? Okay. Honestly. All four of us are in the chart because I'm like kind of, I'm the most full. You do have the most full head of hair ever. Yeah, like I'm the stage after. Good one. You've done it again. You're so mean.

Do you think he does look like it's going away? Pull it up for me. You know, I think eventually it will really become noticeable, but I think with a haircut where it's in the front, it's harder to tell. We were talking about come over

techniques. What if I told you it's been this way for six years? It has stayed here for six years. I forgot the PTs. It's been this way for six years? Early onset baldness. It has stayed here for six years. I forgot the PTSD. It's been the same for six years. Oh, no. Yeah, can I get a large fry? Can I get the gravy shake?

I just want to try it. I just want to be crazy and try it. There's going to be a day where you're going to look in the mirror and be like, ooh, this is evolving faster than you can maintain it yeah and then you have to make a choice like will you be the guy who's you know gonna use finasteride and fight it or just like succumb and go bald i'm buying a one-way ticket to korea when it happens so i'm getting my hair fixed i'm not coming back he's gonna play an asl with full head of hair and a Korean bowl cut. I owe Squeaks a hair transplant.

Yeah. How does that work? I just lost a bet. $15,000. I'm going for the top shell of Ludwig's bag. I'm not going for the fucking bottom of the barrel of a hair transplant. How do you owe him? I made a bet while streaming, and I lost the bet.

And it was like a long shot that he would win win and he won. And it was just a miracle. Was it a long shot? Not at all. Yes, it was. It was me winning an only up race. That's not a long shot. He was the worst in the group bar none. You were out first. I love when there's a truth teller on the podcast

so Ludwig's lies cannot make it through. I'm not looking. He's almost 30 and he does show his... No, no, it's above his waist. It doesn't count. He's being a piece of shit. I've been getting... It's above his waist.

You can't let him have that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is below my waist. What is? No, it's not. No, it's not. I'm looking at it. I was just cheating if I look at my own.

It's in line with your waist. You lose. Will you actually do it? A hair transplant? No. Yeah, right? I wouldn't do it. We're strong. We are strong. Yeah, we're strong. Is that how you feel? Genuinely? Yeah, I don't I don't want to do a hair transplant. What about what about like a shave and then like a new haircut? That's like less permanent

Like this guy like go ball like completely shave you and they give you a hair No, I can't do that. Yeah, Because I know inside that it's not my, like, real hair. It doesn't feel good. It feels, I feel like I'd feel, like, slimy about it. Do you think if you were a normal guy, it feels better? Like, you're a streamer, like, you're a public-facing person now in your life. Yeah. But if you were just, like, some fucking dude.

Yeah. Like, is it kind of different? Because I was thinking about that. Maybe. I mean, I feel like everyone is sort of public e-facing regardless because i remember like working in a bank and if someone got a hair transplant you like it's you have to tiptoe around the top nobody will confront them did you see squeaks but is it also isn't that a weird name for a guy yeah not my eye banker i'm not gonna confess with squeaks no but like if a, you know, if someone cosmetically changes something,

nobody's going to talk to them about it. I think the only difference is if you're a streamer, that's going to be your whole stream for the next two months. You can get like Tony Hawk, like Liberty Spikes, like the blue ones. You think I could pull it off? I think you can pull that shit off, yeah. Squeaks is in a punk band. He's in Revive Reagan.

No, I don't have the attitude. I think that's my problem. You fall in line really easy. I'm too complicit. What if Aiden came into the office one day with just a big, like, pair of fucking plump lips? Oh, like he got injections? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. Give me that and some Botox. Get rid of these crow's feet. Are you down to Patreon goal? Patreon goal, big fat lips? Big lips for Eamon. Big lips. But I'm only down if you consistently say,

I've never had plastic surgery before. Lip injections go away. They go away. Yeah. It takes like months. And they get lumpy. Oh, dude. Don't do that.

That's a horrible idea. Shut it. Shut the fuck up. No, I'm not going to sit here idly by. It's a bad life choice. I wanna get in my Matt Rife arc. Here left ants. No.

Yeah, they're on my legs, bro. I know we're in a backyard and ants are normal. I know we're outside where ants live. For the sake of the immersion, I know it's normal. That's what's happening. Is this a Woody hat or a Jesse hat? This is a full costume. It's Woody.

It's a whole Woody costume. I don't know why it's left for me. I'm not going to wear it. Wear it. Yeah. As a sign of protest. I gotta wear it. Can you wear the cow thing? Just the cow thing vest, the cow vest to your left.

You gotta say what it is. I'm not gonna let you get away with a cow thing. You're gonna have to use your cow vest. I said it. Woody's got the cow toot tongue. I've got a hat, a cowboy hat. I wear it now. I like it.

It's kind of made for you. Maybe Fearand isn't too bad at all. They left this for you? That's sweet. Oh, this guy. I'm rootinest tootinest. This is actually kind of... Aiden would buy this ironically and pay $1,000 for it.

Yeah, it's Montclair. Yeah, this is Montclair. It's the Moonclair series. Moonclair collection. It's the Moonclair collection. Squeaks, what's the most expensive piece of clothing you've ever bought? It's like a training suit. clothing you've ever bought a train I Go to like TJ Maxx

After my own heart for once a fucking normal guy who's balding and sad and just we have the same Just like worries all the time and just like a fucking like a piece of shit You sleep on the floor, right? He sleeps on the floor! What do you mean do I sleep on the floor? Next to a real bed Don't you sleep next to a real bed? He does!

And isn't that so nice for me? You're speaking for me! Finally to have someone You're projecting What space here? What space here you got? Emerson? Which brand?

Squeaks, where did you go wrong? Are you sad? No, I'm great! I feel very well adjusted. Can I say that? Well adjusted depression? I'm used to Are you sad? No, I'm great. I feel very well-adjusted. Can I say that? Well-adjusted depression. I'm used to my sadness. This is what I'm trying to say.

I just watched a 30-year-old create an imaginary friend in front of me. No, he's right here. No, that's not. You're cool. Not at all. That's someone else. That's for life, baby. And he's not close to you yet, because he's not 30, which blew my mind.

I found out. It is fucked up. Why would that blow your mind? Because you go online, you say, I'm 49. Then you go, I'm not that old. You say that Carter was president. Yeah, 1973. But he wasn't.

No, but if you say it with confidence, not a single person corrects you. This is true. And you can just say whatever you want. So I just lie about the president. That's so cool. I just do. So I just lie about the president Yeah, one check you know Trump was never president he's vice president the whole time he was way more famous President is like what do you think POTUS means? Okay, well tell if people don't know about you, can you describe yourself a little bit?

Can you tell me who you are? I don't know who you are. Can you tell me who you are? As like a human being? Like as my core? Yeah, start from age three. Age three. I was actually born in Mumbai, India.

Okay, me too. Nice. Yeah. But you see, I was lucky enough because... Why is that funny? It's a very strange twist. I was on, you know, who wants to be a millionaire?

Yeah. What are you talking about? Why are you guys laughing? Why is it? What's so funny? Oh my God. You're a funny guy. What is this?

You're a funny guy. I'm so confused. I knew this guy was funny. A guy walks in a room and he's like, you can say whatever you want. Everyone will believe you. And he's like,

yeah, you're a billionaire. You're a watcher who wants to be a millionaire. I mean, you know where he's going. That's why I was three. He's going to the most racist shit to- Oh, yes.

Yes. Yes. Accidentally the most racist shit to Squeaks by accident, because I went to pick him up- Is it when you ordered him butter chicken the other night? When we moved up to a Disney Channel movie, and knock, knock, knock, it's DoorDash with butter chicken for me and my friend. No, I got- You said Jai Ho instead of Hello.

I got butter chicken. He ordered a basic bitch order of chicken, tikka masala, and mango lussi. The colonizer meal. That's exactly what you said. That's what you ordered. I reclaimed the meal. If I didn't order it, then I'm weak. I like that. I took ownership over the British. He nutted it. He said, down with the Brits. Well, you know what's weird? When Ludwig was ordering it,

he was like telling me what he's ordering for like validation. He was like, I'm going to get the buttered chicken. Exactly right. The two places have had a lot.

So I started off by going, this place is super authentic. I'm going to break out J-Hole. I got a celebration. But then he had a bite and he was like, not bad.

And I was like, bad and I was like yay I'm good friends with the owners good people good people well you can tell like how good an Indian restaurant is by how they treat Indian people like if I'm in a white neighborhood where there's not like white people

if I go into an Indian restaurant they sit me near the window like I become part of like the sales pit. The decor. The decor. They're like, we're so legit. We caught one. So that's how you, that's how you can tell if you're physically out of place.

Right below the giant neon sign that says real Indian people eat here. Yeah. It was expensive and it's all connected in the neon. So it's the love. You're paid $3. 50 an hour to go. Damn. Just like home. For eight hours.

Exactly. Exactly what happens. No, but really you grew up. We talked on the DCOM show where you were talking about growing up, watching Disney channel movies and you're like, it's just so many white people. Yeah. And then, but you say sometimes it's not white people.

And you're like, fucking thank God. Well, it's like one of those things you don't realize that you look for diversity and then when you see something with like an Indian person

where their trait isn't just being Indian, you're like, oh shit, like this is cool. You get excited. 40% of DCOMs are about ghosts and ghosts are also white people.

Ghosts are white people. That is true. If you're like a black dude and you die and become a ghost, you're now a white dude. You're a white guy now. Because you're a ghost. True. Also, every time, out of my peripheral, it looks like a maid's outfit. Am I crazy?

On him? It looks normal on him, I'll say that. Well, it's like I'm at the black and white, what you want? What you want. Yeah, Lil Tecca famously wore Woody's shit. Why'd they leave this? Why'd'd they leave it i don't know you said uh i caught something you said you worked at a bank which is big because a lot of people that you meet in streamer world are got famous when they were 17 and have never worked at a

normal job ever so that i actually don't know how old you are. How did this all happen? I'm legit 29. Why are you so bad at selling that? What do you mean? The real fact that you're 29, every time you say it, you say it like it's a lie. I think it's because I have a smirky face. I can't even compliment someone without them being like, you asshole. Kind of, yeah. He did the same thing earlier.

He answered an honest question. I was like, you son of a bitch. Yeah, I can't help it. I got like a goofy face. For me, it's not your face. It's me. For me, it's you opening with, I lie for fun. That is what has informed me not trusting you. And then also documenting your life as the beginning of Slumdog News, which you did.

Yeah, but I mean, if people are not going to take me seriously, might as well lead into the lies. You know? Like, fuck it. The people that are wrong. No, so what when did you like start streaming? I feel you know where I've been I've been streaming for like gosh like six seven years Okay, but I streamed to like three viewers for five years. How'd you blow up? Uh, I had other streamers start watching me Okay, so like that and then they started talking about me and then stream

I used to stream CS go. Oh, right. Oh, you're good. You're good at CS, right? I love CS Yeah, so then I and then I started speedrunning Mario and that's sort of like I love CS 2. I don't I don't have a key to it No, I just meant I also like it. He likes you're not as good as you know, no He does just get his first case. He ever opened was a knife. He told me that it's true. It's true It's bullshit second was an M4 new noir stat track dude. That's marble fade and m9 what it's an m9 marble No, it's just a marble fed. No you're so confident It's a square polygon. You can apply it to any gun. Right click doesn't work with it.

So you blew up, you played CSGO, tapping heads, and then you started tapping stars. Yeah, and then I started playing Mario, and I feel like Mario 64 is like the, is like a cool place of Twitch. So many people started Mario 64. Yeah. Like Dubbin. I played a lot of Mario 64 early on. Ludwig said this

once, he said that the best category you could, uh, like video game you could play to break out is Super Mario 64 early on. Ludwig said this once. He said that the best category you could, like video game you could play to break out is Super Mario 64. We argued about this, right? Where you said that and he said you were wrong? No, I didn't say he was wrong. I said to become the biggest streamer possible, I think you have

to pick a different game than Super Mario 64. And he was saying that Super Mario 64 is the best game to break out. Yeah, because Aiden was saying no I think Valorant's better and Ludwig was like look at Valorant he made

Zipper pull up the page he's like look at all these fucking people that you'll never beat. We scrolled for years. And we scrolled for years.

Well that's how it was with CSGO too like I'd had three viewers for five six years because you just are so deep in the category. Yeah.

Like there's just no chance of anyone ever finding you. There are extremely beautiful women from Eastern Europe who will play CSGO at a high level. It's like they're just born doing that. They're just trained

to tap heads. You never had a shot, is what I'm saying. How dare you? You have to scroll through the 50 Russian women with 200 viewers who are all global elite to get to Squeaks. Who are not even global. Who are throwing like perfect smokes and shit.

And you're like, wow. They're amazing. I just love them so much. And then there's Squeaks who's like, ah, son of a biscuit. Lost another one. No, I mean, it wasn't like all. It was like I was happy with five or six viewers but my goal was never to like blow up how did you how did you get people like you said it was other

streamers watching you the first time i had seen you was when you were in the christmas concert like acting and uh like what led to like cutie reaching out uh well first it was there was like this wave and it happens every like four years of big streamers getting into mario 64 and i think like northern lion and all started playing it and then they started like northern lion chibli like all these like nl adjacent people they started watching and then northern lion viewers like clipping and putting stuff on LSF and so those clips went big And then I think Ludwig saw a clip on his stream And then we raced in Mario very early on the northern line viewers were like we need more ball in our diet Can I get context are you are you good at Mario like are you pretty I'm okay. I'm like above average

Yeah What's a what is a math? Are you playing like 16 stars? I started 16 and went to 70 stars. Armada's got that one locked up. He's a lot worse than Armada. Armada's not that bad. Isn't Armada really, really good? He's a legend. Armada's amazing. You've been playing longer than me.

Did you know who Armada was before Super Mario Super Mario Super Mario Super Mario? No. That's crazy! That's so funny. You're like one of ten guys. No, no, no. I bet a bunch of people in that community know what's in that. More and more every day. Dude, that's so money. More people learn about Armada this year, I think, from Mario than from Melee. Wow. How high is his 70 star time now?

He's 20th. Yeah, we checked yesterday. He's at 47, 47. World record's at 46, 30-something. 37 maybe. So he's a minute 10 off world record, but his sum of best is a little lower than it. Not that that matters. Well, it does matter, but it's not like so. It doesn't mean you're going to get the world record. it's some of best is a little lower than it nothing that matters oh it does matter but it's not like so it doesn't mean you're gonna get

the world record I feel like you guys should work this out right here no I have a vitriolic relationship with squeaks that has hinged around the game where you put your fingers in a circle below your waist and we have you know this one right in your waist do he's lying down on the floor I can't explain this to you it's literally above your waist is the dog pants like this or like this it's literally the same question anyway he he and I have been doing this back and forth for two days non-stop and it's escalated into like absurd shit like we can't wake up and communicate without attempting it yeah it's ruined my like two three days it's actually been all

consuming i'm not even kidding you it's been horrible this is like josh living with ptsd in anthony's home after you came into the shower to like scare him and so i did i had my phone out and he was in the shower and i took a stress ball and I was filming and I opened the shower and then threw it at his face. Why? Oh, because he's an emotional terrorist. Oh, gotcha. Because it's my fun house of fun that he was living in.

Do you know he took a hammer to my wall once? Do you know about that story? That was true. Yeah, he took a hammer, walked into my room and made a hole in the drywall while I was listening to music in my bed. Why? I don't know. Is that like a funny bit to you?

It was, it was, in fairness, really funny. My goat. My goat says the truth when he needs to say it. Anthony DM'd me like two nights ago and he, like, not in public chat, not in group chat, he just DM'd me two nights ago and he's like, I've been taking very interesting dumps recently

that was a whole deal yeah, I was just saying, cause like it had like this weird curve like a hook at the end, like a Pikmin it was crazy looking I know! wait, did you take a picture? I didn't and I was like, Nick's gonna wanna hear this, I'll put you in the group chat

and we can all talk about it let's be clear, you can just make this a chat with Aiden and I was like Nick's gonna want here's I'll put you in the group chat This is a we can all talk about Be clear you could just make this a chat with Aiden. I think you'll both benefit Yeah, I think you should be in the chat though Cuz you should be in the chat you should be in the chat. I shouldn't be in the chat You should be in the chat If you want to I'm just trying to fit If you want to I'm just trying to fit It's right. Yeah, like I love shit. Have you ever interviewed in your whole life a job interview? Like an interview. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I want to still ask you some of the interview questions

Where does squeaks come from? Oh shit No, I imagine if it has like some racist No Playing CS go The story I'm not but when I was 14 playing CSGO. That's actually the start of the story. I'm not even... But when I was 14, do you guys remember when, like, people didn't have mics in multiplayer games? And there was, like, one day

where people just started buying them. Turtle Beach. Change of game. Yeah, like, Turtle Beach and all this shit. Titan if you were rich. Titan if you were really rich. Because I remember getting a mic and you had to tape it to your shirt,

like, with, like, scotch tape. What? So I did this. Don't say I think I remember that like we were all doing this you had a scotch tape call of duty mic yeah no but it was like for counter-strike so it wasn't the long like windows mic that's all shitty it was like that but you're supposed to put it on your ear oh like it was like sort of like the britney spears like concert mic yeah Yeah, and a little hook, but the hook you can I first started playing called Eon PlayStation I had a mic stand with a rock band mic on it

I put between my legs and I just play use that I had no my audio with through my TV I don't you had to balance it like while playing it with the mic stand held it up But it was just like the only way to they didn't have an arm So I just had to keep it between my legs so it was just the only way to... Because it didn't have an arm. So I just had to keep it between my legs so it was straight in front of my mouth. It's so uncomfortable. It's awful. Yeah, I can't imagine.

The kids had it good. Where did Squeaks come from in this? Because the first time I spoke, yeah, I was a little squeaker. No one talked about age or whatever. So now it's kind of... I've just stuck with that name forever. I think it's a good one. It's Squeaks. It's a good one.

I heard this through the grapevine. I didn't see this clip or anything, but Northern Lion apparently has said, you getting big has been monstrous for his chat. Yeah. Because you let people run over you with the bald thing. But I think that I come from that, from a place of power. Like I'm very, I'm confident. And, like, and I know, like, this is

like, a copium. Sorry, I'm still stuck on I come from a place of power. I think letting people... Are you talking about banking or Mumbai? Which one is... No, I'm saying, like, letting people say what they want, and, like, not being affected by it, I think is a strike. Maybe if you're forged in the fires of

Counter-Strike. That's true. You've probably been called some of the worst things on the planet. Oh, for sure. Yeah. But like, I agree with you. I agree with you as a whole, and I have the same philosophy. And Slime is the opposite of this. He's the antithesis who bans on sight if anyone says something mean.

I'm scared to talk in this chat. And I'm like, I swear to God. I've been in your chat. I've like. Don't ever be afraid. I'm terrified. What? What? I know, but me when I'm focusing on the game and say hi What rank are you right now?

Look at the fucking screen! Ugh! It's- I think that's a dumb question. Simon, Simon, it doesn't- It doesn't show it on the screen anymore. You have to wait for it to- Dude, so I'm glad today I was restreaming Top 8 at Gommel,

and someone was like, dude, please turn on theater mode. And I'm like, get that ass banned. Don't ever tell me how to do anything, ever, ever in your life. And then I was like, how do I turn on theater mode? And then I clicked on it and I was like, oh, this is way better. But stay banned. But stay banned.

Because I didn't ask you. For the principal, exactly. Wait, but why do you do that? Like, why? Because I have this fucked up problem in my head where I imagine everyone just in front of me saying it,

like a real human being fucking should. And I can't divorce that. No, no, no. No, but you... Oh, I'm wrong! Don't call it. Because we started out with computers

and then said how everyone is wrong besides but i don't like how he's saying like it's fucking normal oh you're because you're imagining him saying it to your face and i am saying it to your face that's it's silly to say that i'm saying that we did not start out the game of life looking at a big chat of people calling you a cocksucker. We didn't do that. That's true. And so, but you're saying, no, you just got to let them do that. And it's like, no. You don't have to let them do that, but you don't have to let it affect you so much that

it can potentially bring down the vibes. You're a vibes guy. You have to be a vibes guy. That's because you guys are career streamers. You are sucked into the black sarcophagus that is being nice to chat so they support you. Are you following? That's not true.

I don't think I don't. I don't see myself as that at all. I don't see myself like that either. I don't see. I don't see you like that either. Red, like me, please. I like how Squeaks is becoming a Rorschach for all of our insecurities. I'm a doctor.

It's like the. Well, no. Go ahead, Slime. Oh, wow. You go ahead way too quick go ahead go ahead go ahead different doctor

Freud maybe Freud you're a doctor of any any kind yeah doctor Oppenheimer is fine too

yeah so that's that's my big beef with the idea is that streaming naturally you have to be like oh thanks for the sub you did say you wanted to kill me in the street but thank you because you have to right to an extent yeah i think that's gross but if there's one thing i understand and i don't

understand like obviously i'm not trying to speak like down on anybody but i would say that if there's one type of chatter i understand it's the chatter that wants to be heard. And that's through any means necessary because that's what streamers do. We will say things to get a reaction, so how can we not be understanding of the chatter that has the same inclination? But what if they're mean to you?

But you're mean to them too. I never shoot first though. Sometimes when you shoot back you don't understand that you got a buck shot. Yeah. Cause I got a gun so big. This shit don't work. The blood from the person you shot gets on everybody's hands.

Yeah. You're never talking to one person. Cause someone else, someone else, sometimes someone else is thinking of the thing someone else said. And when you dog them for like theater mode, they're like, Oh,

maybe I should just. And that's why you get a squeaks who's scared to type in your chat i'm very i'm not even kidding you that's crazy why would you be stared at me i've occasionally thought something that someone's typed in your chat and then you've snapped it happened to me before yeah and someone says something i'm thinking but they just say it yeah and then he bans them and i'm like i will say past couple streams have been really nice. Everyone's been great. Maybe I finally programmed them. I think it's because of Les Mallow, too.

You've also banned everyone you don't like. Yeah, but no, they keep coming. It's like zombie, bro. Yeah, Nazi zombies. It's like the same shit. Don't end just new rounds. Enough about me. Did it happen gradually when you got blown up?

Or did it happen big time right in the up or did it happen a big time right in them oh like the blow up yeah oh it happened way like too fast really it happened like very very quickly yeah what was like your number what'd you go from to oh so i got partner like two years ago or so and i was at 75 for like a year and then 500 and then it went to a thousand for like maybe a month and then it was like 2000 plus. Holy shit. Yeah I was like it's very fast. I'm still trying to get

be like a good streamer to many people. Do you still do your normal job? No no I got laid off on Zoom. You guys remember that Better Mortgage CEO who fired like 900 people over Zoom? Oh, yeah. I was one of the 900. What? I was sitting

there and I was like, well, fuck. I don't want to be a full-time streamer. It was just all of you in a group, right? Yeah. Did you click the raise hand button? The fire emoji spam. End of the meeting and then the CEO just starts going, grab, grab.

I gotta pay bills too. That starts going, grab, grab. CEO's like, I'm going to pay bills too. Fire. No, that's how it was, yeah. I never chose to be a full-time streamer. This is the origin story of many a streamer I'm learning. Getting fired into going full-time. I guess I'll keep doing the thing. Because most people who go full-time without that step just never was an adult.

They lived with their parents, and then they went full-time because it's all they ever wanted to do, and they never had to do anything else Ludwig's been fired from every job he's had That's not true Every single one Except the ones that he's created for himself Except for the fake jobs he has made I quit

Which job did you quit? I quit No I forgot I quit Best Buy No you didn't Yes I did You were fired from Best Buy No I didn't

Oh no he gets to say that Because his manager sexually harassed him. Yes, that's true. Are you comfortable talking about that? Okay, don't say it like that. I've talked about it. He tried to fuck me. Oh.

We went out for drinks and he groped me. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. So? Then fine. That counts. Did the mortgage person ever do that? It was all remote.

So it was more of just like, I am groping you right now. With a little, like, right now do you like it it was role play no i did not have to deal with that i was there for like a year and a half wow working at home dude yeah i i think i remember when you started blowing up the other day ago nice bro he slapped himself good he's still mad about your hand i don't think you should do. You're a nasty cow. I don't think you should do that. You're a nasty cow.

When we started getting really big, I'd see clips and I was like, oh, who's this guy? And I'd watch a clip and I was like, oh, he's actually funny. And I have this insane amount of contempt for most big streamers. Streamers, sure. People. Not people. People. Anyone without a Uber.

And Uber's split. Uber drivers. I have contempt for Uber drivers I don't have contempt for Uber drivers union members union members do need to stop people from Turkey

yeah no they'll save us all those in unions listen I was saying I was like oh

and everyone is freaking out every squeaks clip is like this guy is fucking next up bro because they're all like they're all like cock watching all the time they're like he's so next up this guy definitely next up and it's like okay but i was like this makes sense because they have just never seen someone who's like naturally has

like charisma of like a normal human before you have riz you do that means so much i'm not even kidding he hates riz i hate riz but i realize the more I say it, the faster it will die. But it means a lot. Because it means a lot because nobody's ever even thought of saying it. Oh is that why you hate it? It's like one of those like, I hate really hot girls. Yeah exactly. Especially if they try to fuck me all the time.

I'm like wait I love this. I'll do anything for you. But yeah I was like oh that's cool. No it's cool. I've'll do anything for you. But yeah, I was like, oh, that's cool. So I was like, I've been very lucky for sure. And I've been a huge fan of Twitch and streaming forever. So it's really cool. Your top stream.

Who do you love watching right now? Yeah, I like watching like Moon Moon, Daff, Clint. I like watching you know, let's go to the fucking bottom of the barrel. The guy who never is true. Clint's not much more. Clint's not untouchable. He hasn't been live in eight months. Watching you know to go to the fucking bottom of the barrel the guy who never is true More Yeah, I've been live in eight months side the point yeah, but he did a

Yeah, it's on track what he could Clint not a happy guy well at least he's not happy being a streamer I don't think he wants to do it as a career. It just happens that he kind of banked it He's the Bo Burnham of streaming real shit, but do you feel like that makes you like him more yeah yeah i think he's like a cat yeah they avoid you and we want him to go live we're like coming and then and then he'll like he'll be like sponsored final fantasy stream you're like and then he like leaves for another eight months but he likes uh he writes he writes he out with friends. I think he just wants to be a normal dude and not a streamer. But he has a normal amount of charisma as a human being. And all of a sudden, because Twitch is so devoid of that, they're like...

And he's on Mount Rushmore. But he deserves it. He deserves it. I feel like it's... Well, as Ludwig was saying, if someone looks a little miserable, people are attracted to that. Because all of my favorite streamers almost look like they don't want to stream. Do you know what I mean? There's something to that that I cannot be there.

Yeah, but it makes them so funny because whenever they try, it's like, oh, I'm part of it. Is that why people like Forzen? Because any Forzen clip I've ever seen, he a just like a caveman on the verge of death and that's every clip yeah i think we talked about this we're like for a long time like the old guard of twitch like the people who are the biggest were all people whose communities were so insular that if you'd watched it with no understanding of twitch you would feel like how is this popular what the fuck is going on what are they saying in chat but that's kind of how they liked it because it excluded, you know,

like your basic normie from watching. Yeah. Which I've always hated. So I've just been a... You've been the normie streamer. I have. You champion the normie. Because I always thought it was lame

because I would tune in and then, you know, everyone like dick checks if you know the right emote to use and if you spell it wrong, you get loled out. Gray face, no space? Yeah.

Imagine. Well, that's way OG, but... That's like, that die. Grayface no space? Yeah. Imagine. Well that's way OG but. That's like that's a really old reference. I know. 2002. No one knows what I mean when I say Kipo. Kipo. Yeah.

Nobody uses Kipo bro. No one uses Kipo. Kipo's so good. I love Kipo. It's in the wave. I mean I remember when Ludwig was blowing up I hated that. I hated him for like a while. You hated Dubbin?

Why did you hate him? Because I felt like he was like all of us hated Ludwig when we met him by the way. Oh really? I didn't hate him? Because I felt like he was like- All of us hated Dubbin when we met him, by the way. Oh, really? I didn't hate him. He treated me good. Well, I mean, I only knew him as like a streamer. So like, I was like, oh, who the fuck is this new guy who like does YouTube shit? Like, I want the D-Gen Forsen or whatever. But then over time, I think any new person gets like ingratiated in the Twitch culture,

you end up, you know, being like, oh, okay, I like Dubbin. They're human beings, yeah. And then we met in person, and we were... And then you did one of these, and I was like, wow, he's insufferable. That's what Ludwig will reveal, and I think it's not necessarily

obvious on stream, but you hang out with him, and you're like, oh, this guy's a degenerate, actually, still, to this day. Like, he's just down to run Beryl. He's the least degenerate of us four by far. I think. Should've seen me in Birria last night. That's what I'm saying.

He'll still get like shit-faced because he feels like it. This is like a four-round tournament where they're sinking at least two beers a round. I guess I'm just saying, like, Ludwig wakes up at like eight, goes on like a walk, runs, he works out.

I do that so I can do that. He likes the sunset. I get my walks in and my reps in so i can get my beers in and crush everybody like you but have you all have you always been like that or is that something new like fitness like fitness and waking up early and being like well adjusted what i choose to focus on changes but like when i was in college i made a youtube channel called self-improvement where i wanted to learn Japanese and I wanted to get really hot and fit and run every day and also learn the piano. And I'd upload daily vlogs about it.

Wow. I did it for three days. My mom sent me a text. I love the channel. I deleted everything. That's so good. Never, ever, ever told anyone about it again. So I've been doing it since then.

I didn't have a channel or anything then. Oh. Yeah, that's weird. He's pushing, pulling metal objects to receive love like most of us. But that's that's I think that's always been a thing. I met Ludwig and he was like a workout guy. But he was also a guy that would like show you his balls if he had three beers. He preferred butthole, but he would show you your balls. Yeah, I've toned down that.

Yes, you have. I show less of my body. Well, also because you gotta consider, like, last night we played Bireo, half the people at this party were just employees. You can't. So I can't. We walk into the fucking office, Aiden is just in his shorts, shirt off,

grunting, playing Slippy. Yeah. Just like, and... Dude. Ludwig's like, we need more women here, bro. He treats this place like his fucking bedroom, bro. It's crazy place like his fucking bedroom, bro. It's crazy. More women would keep you honest. I'm just shirtless. I'm not doing anything crazy.

And grunting. You were like a swollen pig. Yeah. Because I really needed to beat X-Ray, the Fox player. And that's my goat. It's a commitment, I guess. I'm a clean little piggy, by the way. Everybody, the office has been

looked like shit lately. Yeah, you're shirtless at work. That's the part we're talking about. The narrative changes. You're still oinking. I clean myself like real pigs. And you have 30 minute orgasms. And I just shake minute orgasms. And I just

shake like violently. Have you ever had a 30 minute orgasm squeak? My orgasms are short and sweet. Right to the point. What a presidential answer. Barack Obama would answer that. What is the point?

Is the point the nut or the mind? The point is to reproduce. Yeah, that is true. And that's why it feels good. It's all biological. When you say you're right to the point, you're saying you're always reproducing when you have an orgasm. Well, no.

I guess it's the pleasure. It's just like you kind of feel that shame after. You're like, all right, I'm done now. Let's move on to something else. Yeah, let's learn a skill. Yeah. No, yeah, I speedrun the orgasm because I gotta do other shit with my time.

So that's my philosophy with coming. Speedrun an orgasm. Do you have dreams in which you wake up and you've nutted? Wet dreams? Nocturnal emissions. Wait! I found out

that nocturnal emissions can happen based off the feng shui of your room. So if your feet are positioned to a bathroom. What does that mean? You don't need to make excuses. I'm not making excuses. Dude, I actually found out I'm a Pisces and like everything kind of makes sense now. Yeah, or it's more like I found out I'm a Pisces and Pisces actually have really like tiny dicks and it's fine.

You guys need more women on your podcast. Can I just say it? What are you talking about, man? You guys are talking poor Ava about not wearing a shirt. Meanwhile, you're talking about cum and nocturnal emissions. Wait, cum is natural. Not wearing a shirt is not natural. Yeah, that's true.

Everyone's born with a shirt. And second off, it's a problem I have, so I guess do I need a woman to talk about my problems? No, but there's an eloquent and delicate way to bring it up. I've cummed myself several times. Several times, Squeaks. He's cummed himself. Okay, all right. He's got a congenial factory.

Oh, I didn't know this was a gentleman's podcast. Go ahead. Go ahead. Proceed. Proceed. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Thank you.

The chair will not be interrupted again. Go ahead, please. I reclaim my time. So there's a guy on TikTok and YouTube shorts who does feng shui, and he makes little plastic models of people's homes. And someone will be like, my bedroom's so tiny. And they'll be like, no, it's not. Just do this.

Add a dresser. Split it with the curtain. And now you have a good room. Now you know. And you're going to nut real nice. I love watching his videos and he does one. And someone's like, my room sucks. There's no place to put my bed but here.

And he's like, no, you're not, you dumbass. You do this, this, this, and your bed's here. And you should never put your bed here because then you'll have a nocturnal emission if your feet's to the bathroom. And I was like, no. And maybe that's why I cummed. And maybe that's why you haven't had one in a long time. Because my feet's no longer in the bedroom. Your feet face true north.

Wait, your feet have never pointed towards a bathroom in the year better. In the subathon. When he came his pants in my house, when he slept over my feet to the bedroom. In my studio apartment. To the bathroom, I should say, yeah. Yeah, we had to get a check to flight. He was just full up. Anyway, if anyone's having the same issues as I I am which is a real debilitating problem to

come in your sleep I don't recognize it I'm sorry call me old-fashioned I take no part in this pity party is really raised a traditional family like this is also like is this not like bullshit are we pretending pointing your feet to the bathroom it's real I mean it could be real what do we know do you are you believe in ghosts? No. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah, definitely. Do you believe in ghosts? No. I believe in ghosts. Me too. He's 50-50. Yeah, you can't be 50-50. I'm 50-50. No, no, no. This is the real test. You have to break the tie. If you are in your house and you hear something ghostly happen. Okay, explain. Explain.

Anyway, fuckers ever fucking come out of the wall. No, no, you can use ghost in the definition of ghost. That's Okay, explain. Explain. Anyways, fuckers never fuck. No, no. You can use ghost in the definition of ghost. That's a circular definition. No, no, no. So you're in your house

and you feel something very ghostly happen and you're scared now. You just come home from a scary movie and something ghostly happens in your home. Do you think it's a ghost

or not? Can you? But you're using the word ghost. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. Here's an easier one.

If it's giving ghost vibes, do you think it's a ghost? No. I would think like- Then you don't believe in ghosts. No, I don't. No, because I wouldn't be like shocked. Like I wouldn't be like, oh my God, that's total bullshit. IRL stream.

Would you go to the most haunted place on earth? You get a guaranteed 50K viewers. Yeah, I would. Of course. Of course. Bag man. Bag man looks like a bag. There's a sign on the outside that says you're guaranteed to get cursed from coming here.

I'd still go. You don't believe in ghosts? Okay, he doesn't believe in ghosts. That's what I'm saying. He changed his answer to that out of the 50k. Would you not go? No. That's fucking bullshit. You're a stupid ass dirty liar. I wouldn't go. You're lying. I don't fuck with the ghosts. Wait, are there women there who are cursed?

That I can rescue? I would go if I could bring- Is the girl reading this there? I would go if I could bring someone to protect or save the ghosts. So if you had to save Cutie from a haunted ghost castle? I would save her from a haunted ghost castle. Okay, if Cutie was trapped in a haunted ghost castle. She would have had to fuck up tremendously to get in that situation.

Her life is arguably spent avoiding that situation exactly. If she's there but not on a plane to Europe, like, what happened to us? Yeah, so, look. Ghosts, you keep saying you're agnostic, but you're not because you would do it for 50,000 viewers. He says he's agnostic, but he also said

he would repent to God on his deathbed. Oh, yeah, he wants to cover all the bases. Just in case. Why not? It's like, it cost me nothing. I'll be sitting there ready to die and be like, you know what? Uh, praise whoever. What if the true religion is being a Satanist? Baphomet. Baphomet, lord of the flies. And he is ours.

That's like a half bathroom. Yeah, I mean it's kind of like a probability equation. You know what I mean? Like what are the chances of that versus like a world- That Baphomet, the lieutenant of hell is the one that we see at the end. What's the prisoner's dilemma on repenting before you pass on? It's a good question, yeah. I like the idea that God, who created the entire universe and DNA and your eyes, is like, you get to the heaven and he's like, just stumped.

He's like, oh, you accepted me at the end. I guess it counts. It does count. He can't see. It's a technicality. I did leave this giant loophole and never closed it That's right. It's like paperwork. I was like, come on, come in fuckers. He's like, I'll overlook the time you tried to make a pocket pussy out of a sponge Because you accepted me in the end. Because you made a real pocket pussy.

You know what I got you? The sponge. Welcome to heaven, bitch. Welcome to heaven, bitch. I don't want to go to heaven if there's no sponge pussy. That's for damn sure. It's not my heaven. That's actually cool

from the SpongeBob movie. Take a bite out of summer with HelloFresh. You guys can get chef-crafted recipes. If you guys use HelloFresh or something I've been using. You've been using it.

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It does not include porridge, and I don't care what you're going to say. We're back to the bottom. Back to the bottom. Back to the bottom. Back to the bottom. I have this theory where if you believe in ghosts, logically you should also believe in aliens.

Nope. Aliens are so much more easy to believe in. Explain this. Because if we're looking at like the probability that aliens are real is so much higher. So I think it makes sense to believe in aliens and not believe in ghosts or believe in aliens and believe in ghosts. So if I could distill what you're saying down even more simply, if you believe in ghosts. So if I could distill what you're saying down even more simply, if you believe in ghosts,

then you also should believe in anything less probable than ghosts existing. More probable. Or more probable, as I meant. Correct. Correct. Yeah. I think that's crazy. I think that makes sense. Because we had the same conversation last night and I came to the same conclusion. I was like, yeah, if you're dumb enough to believe in ghosts, you should be

dumb enough to believe in aliens, which isn't a dumb thing, really. Should he believe in Q? Q? Is Q less or more believable than ghosts? It's more probable for sure. I think it's less than ghosts. Hold on, because it's like human beings.

Human ghosts or aliens. I'm losing track. Welcome to Jome Robin. Dude, we'd be so good at that shit. Conspiracy theories? You guys think we're in assimilation? Oh, God, dude. Do you think I'm in assimilation?

You actually know it's more likely that we're in assimilation? Because if we're in it, the amount of years and science progresses. Oh. Assimilation. Assimilation. Dude. Joe, we want you to do that. Are we in it?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This guy's cool. Jamie, bring this guy sponge pussy. On it, supplement sponge pussy. This podcast is brought to you GMO free.

It comes in a box with a bunch of assorted meat every month. I'm down. It diffuses vitamins in your body. The last five MMA fighters I brought on the podcast also use it.

They all use it and they all just fight and fuck. Well, if I see a hot guy doing anything like on an Instagram ad or a hot chick, I'm buying the product.

I'm buying in. I'm buying in. You know what I hate? My chat was doing this today. People who think they're not susceptible to advertising and propaganda. Okay.

Because I feel like that makes you so much more susceptible. Hate me then. You think you're not susceptible to advertising or propaganda. Okay. Because I feel like that makes you so much more susceptible. Hate me then. You think you're not susceptible? Not even a little bit. You're fucking with me. You have bought things from Instagram last week. I can't even hear you. I know.

I can't even hear you. Wait, he's good. Holy shit. That's fucking good. That's what he says to the advertisers. I take nothing for free. I have no kidney stones. Not yet.

Finish that can. You just start screaming in pain. It's like a cannonball. What are you trying to say, Lubbin Anders? I just think that everyone, like you, like being aware of being,

I used to think this. I used to think, I was like, I just don't worry about me. I just won't get the thing. And then, and then you're like, Oh,

fucking car insurance. What's a car insurance. And the only, the only counter, like the only other thing outside of advertising that I, for me to get knowledge of a product is if I look up the product I want, and then I say Reddit. And then I try to find a human who has given their opinion in the court of

public opinion, which also by the way, is oftentimes filled with marketers who will make fake accounts and fake posts and try to outvote a good chrome extension it automatically adds reddit after anything you search yeah but you also have to like parse actual reddit because like if you look up like what's a good one uh milk what's the protein milk one called whey protein muscle milk muscle milk If you look at muscle milk Reddit, it's all shill posts. Oh, really?

100%. Yeah, I drank the 40 gram one and I got such big fucking muscles now. Yeah. And then skull emoji. Actually, it'll be like, damn, how does it taste good, but it's 40?

Why is nothing else 40? I hear if you buy them from the Birmingham branch, it's less cost. And I got W Riz. You say Riz so funny. Riz. You say Riz so funny. Riz. Your Z?

You said like a yo-yo sound effect. Your Z has like a body to it. Red onomatopoeia. Riz. That's what it is, isn't it? Say W-Riz. Just say it. W-Riz.

Say charisma. Charisma. You're announcing it like a Super Smash Bros. character. Okay, charisma. Charisma. No, Riz, there's a little stink on it. I see the smirk thing now. I feel like I'm being fucked with. There's nothing to fuck with.

Is this how you sold mortgages to poor fuckers who are fucking single B-rated? What's the most fucked up thing that ever happened to you at a bank? Oh, that I did? Well, sure. I don't know about... Be honest with me. Were you the one filling the tranches?

Were you filling the tranches? Yeah. Were you on the synthetic CDO side? Oh, no. I actually worked at Wells Fargo, and I was making alt accounts for old people. And just- I'm old. I didn't care that my social got stolen.

Well, I mean, most- Okay, here's a real hot take. But I think most financial institutions prey upon older, dumb clients. Okay. So, like, I think most fucked up is just doing your day-to-day job, which is, like, trying to trick people

into believing you need their service. That's so big. Yeah. What kind of services? Financial instruments? Anything. But any service in finance is just moving money from one place to another. So it'd be like retirement, portfolio management, accounting. It's all sort of like a similar thing, but it's packed in a way for companies to sell a service to you.

So that's the idea is that finance is just, it's a very simple thing, but all the terms we use is because a big company has told that idea to us. It's like Jonestown. And I'll back this up. Jonestown, when it was getting big, which was a cult, he had a church. He was talking about God and all this stuff. They ended up going to a South American country and drinking Kool-Aid and dying. But he basically made old women give them their houses. So like Jonestown guy, Jim Jones, I think his name was, just had a shitload of property because these old ladies would be like, you can have it.

This is for Christ. And he just had like 90 houses and he had a million dollars. That's kind of what Wells Fargo is doing. They're getting old people. They give, you know. Why do they never drink Kool-Aid? Give me your house in the form of mortgage. Give me your house.

Why does Wells never die? Give me your house in the form of mortgage. Why does Wells never die? Give me your house and then we will gun down an American government official on a runway. Which is the Wells Fargo slogan. That's where the wagon's going. I don't know if he asked these questions. I let that sit because I was like, did Wells Fargo do that?

No, but Jim Jones' Hired Guns did it? Did you look up a Jones documentary this past week or month? No, this is a long time ago. He's been on Jones Town a long time. Polymatter just dropped this video on Nebula. It'd be great. I would love

another refresher course in how Jim Jones got to where he was. You know what you should watch? Wild Wild Country. Have you seen that? It's about another cult in Oregon and a lot of like Jonestown's similarities. Okay. It's a really, it's a good watch.

It's a Jones like, but it's an Indian cult. So it's, it's even better. Oh, I actually think it's cool. Oh yeah. I think I support it.

I support the cult. I support the cult. We're trying to come back from that Dr. K thing. We're like, it sounds cool or whatever you think it is. I agree with you. I support the cult. We're trying to come back from that Dr. K thing. We're like, it sounds cool, or whatever you think it is. I agree with you. We're bad or neither. Do you know Dr. K?

I've talked about him. Not like you know him. No, we're on the WhatsApp groups. We're spreading anti-vax minion memes, actually. Is that what you are? That's what we're doing. I can't say shit, bro. I raided one of your drawers

and it had a bunch of fun little bills you had a drawer of stuff when you used to live in the area you had a drawer of stuff and one of them is you had a bunch of bills from different countries and I was like these are cool

so I put them in my car cause I just like them you stole money that's what he's trying to say these are cool so i put them in my car because i just like it you just moved out so long ago i've had it for months and i was i was cleaning up some of your stuff and i noticed you had some some bills lad so i took them and i put in my car and one of them was was uh was a rupee uh which is which is the currency of india and i had that in my car and one of them was, was, uh, was a rupee, uh, which is, which is the currency of India. And I had that in my car and my car got clean. I got it detailed and they put everything in like the, what'd you call that?

The glove box. And I opened the glove box cause I got, I got pulled over or something and it fell out. And so when I go to drive with Squeaks, he comes, sits in the car and he gets up and he like looks down and just gets up and he looks down and just pulls up a rupee. And he's like, is this some fucking joke? Do you want me to park your car? What are you doing? What is

this? And it's so hard to explain how this is all serendipitous. And I did not, as a joke, get rupees from the bank to prank you. I would say from a probability standpoint, that is such an unlikely story. It's more likely. This isn't about you right now.

It's about Ludwig and his adventure. And that's the. It's just some rupees. We can get some more. It's more likely than ghosts. That story? Okay, fair. Did you find all those British pounds?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was wondering about those. A lot of British Did you find all those British pounds? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was wondering about those. A lot of British pounds were there. A couple hundred British pounds. A lot of British pounds in my possession. Those are his.

Those are from the company. But you probably had some pounds yourself with the queen on them. May God rest her soul. God rest her soul. In hell. No. No. She was saved.

She was saved? Yeah, by God. At the end of the day? God saved the queen. That works. Oh, true. She was saved? Yeah, by God. At the end of the day? God saved the queens. That works. Oh, true. She repented. Yeah, she ran the squeak strat.

She's like, first time in years, I didn't believe in them. Me and my corgis were bing chilling. And then I got sick. Wait, so why do you collect money? Isn't that a weird thing that you have every currency in a drawer? No, he's an international bear. I just traveled a bunch. His't that a weird thing that you have every currency in a drawer? He's an international bear. I just traveled a bunch. That's a pilot. I keep

all the leftover money I have in case I go back. Or want a snack. Oh, that's sweet. Okay, I thought it was going to be some weird collector's item. No, I just haven't liked having all the currency. It's nice. I respect that. You had a little less now, but... Yeah, I didn't know you were stealing from me. It was just. I respect that. You had a little less now, but... Yeah, I didn't

know you were stealing from me. It's good to find out. It was just a small. Thank you. Where did it go? You could just give it back to him. He took it and he just kept saying, look what Ludwig had in his car. He started tipping me rupees. I made it a bit, so every time we'd get coffee, I'd be like, should I tip him? 500 of

these. That's literally where... It's now in, like like my drawer. And it's so crinkled so I don't think you want it back. I haven't even been to India, that's like a gift from my dad. Oh. You got your Indian currency? Well now it's touched by an Indian. Wow, thank you for making it work.

And now I kinda like it when it starts glowing. It's like when you get a new credit card in the mail and you have to like, activate it on the side or call the number. I haven't even blessed this. I can run a real scam like that actually. Holy shit. That's a great idea. How's the juvie making you feel? You vibrate? Oh, I'm vibrating. How your kidneys feel?

Oh, stoned. Stoned up? Yeah, my kidneys feel stoned. I don't do energy drinks. This is my first energy drink since college. Really? Like 14 years ago. Do you do anything? Do you drink?

Like drink alcohol? Yeah. Yeah, I drink alcohol. Oh, yeah, because you guys were drinking last night. Yeah, we were drunk. You were bickering about beerio. What the fuck happened? I crushed. God, I was a legend.

It just so cringed to me. Which one? Which smart card? Eight. Okay. I won double dash a couple weeks ago in a tournament. Won eight today. I just can't be stopped in that game.

Yeah, but it's so embarrassing because he'll bring like, he walked up to everybody at this party and was like, write your name down, write your rating, and I'm going to do seeding. And Ludwig's doing all this preparation, all this work, and then he wins the tournament and leaves. Did you seed yourself first? I had four top seeds, so it didn't matter. It was group stage.

So there were four top seeds and then a second, third, fourth with them. I mean, you got a seed. I know, I get what you're saying. You got a seed. But you have to seed. You're talking to the wrong group. You're talking to the wrong group.

It is kind of cringe. I only went to the party to play Beryl. I got word that Beryl was at the function and that's the only reason I went. I instantly go to everyone and say, who wants my Birrio? I got 16 yeses. Everyone gives me their rating. I seeded four groups of four people.

Top two move on. Bottom two eliminated. What is rating? Is there a WBR? Rate yourself out of 10 right now on Birrio. That was it. Okay. And then people would be honest.

What did you rate yourself out of 10? Me? Yeah. Oh, like a three. I'm good at Mario Kart. I'm just so bad at drinking. Like, I can't chug. It just hurts my throat.

Rate yourself a 4. I would give you a 3. A 4? Okay. Did you make a Chalange bracket? No, because I couldn't log in because they removed Twitter logins on it, which was kind of annoying. I didn't know that.

Yeah, you can only log on Facebook and Discord, but it wouldn't link to Discord. So what did you rate yourself, Ludwig, a 10? 8 out of 10. Is Yingling... Is that in the group or in the world? Just in my mind. I didn't think of the group specifically. Who's a 10 that you know?

Mango. Really? Mango's a 10. At Beerio? Yeah. I feel like the more useful skill is drinking in Beerio, right? Clearly. He has that down.

Yeah. What's Yingling? Yinggo's, I think, probably an eight. Okay. I mean, I beat him when we played. It just depends on the game. Who? With the Mario Kart?

Yeah, absolutely. Do you think you'd crush MKWii and Brio? Yeah, I thought. I kind of assumed you guys were playing Wii because the videos or challenges you'd been doing recently were Wii. So that was part of the reason why i was excited to come even late just to see what was going on and i was like well if you said i could thug finals and i was like i wonder what's a fair way to do that and i was

like i think if i have to drink two beers a race like i can still i will still win that's so tight he used to play competitive mario kart but oh like a speedrun? No, like you could do, so there's like two versions of competing in Mario Kart. You can time trial, or you can compete in like versus races. And there's like different formats for that. And I used to do that a ton. And super, I think Mario Kart Wii

is like the fucking melee of Mario Kart in terms of like skill set that you apply to the game when you play it. But the one you guys were playing last night is also fucking huge. Yeah. So. Well, I love Mario Kart Wii. I think it's just a good game.

Yeah. They just added everything. Mario Kart 8? Yeah. There's so many damn maps. Aren't you sick of it? Like, I feel like it's been out since the Wii. Hey guys, Wave 7.

Wave 7's coming. And three of them are Mario Kart Tour maps which are dog shit. I think it's better to have one game that just has everything is getting updated than like necessarily come out with a new one

on a more frequent schedule. I think it would be nice to have a new one because this one blows. The mechanics. It doesn't feel good to play. It's a shitty Mario Kart game. I don't have fun playing it.

Two goats, three goats. I enjoy it. It is probably the most boring out of like the last five this is crazy i like it it's also don't you know how you like the new mario party too though so eight on the wii u is this game that is filled with technical skill if you look at all the like speed runs of the top players and eight on from the wii u version because you think the games would be

like almost one to one eight has all this this tech to driving that is mechanically demanding, allows you to differentiate yourself from the average player, and they gutted all the tech when it came to the Switch. I thought it was a one-to-one. Yeah, I thought it was a quarter. It's not one-to-one at all.

It's not even close. Fire skipping. The Wii U one is so much more fun to play because of that. I still think 8 Deluxe is great. 8 Deluxe is the hardest one to be better than the average normie in because the driving is so mechanically lazy. I'm curious to see the numbers, like when everything settles and you look at the numbers of like titles sold for the games they dumbed down and you like factor for like, you factor

for like more gamers in general and you factor for like the Switch being a bigger console. Yeah. If it's like that much more. Like nintendo winning in their hypothesis that simpler games sell better i think yeah it would be i don't even think it's relevant to the average player right i don't think the average person buying mario kart even knows that that stuff was in the wii u version it's like this one is the best selling mario kart ever because it's just on the switch and it's a way better but it Mario Kart ever because it's just on the Switch and it's a way better. But it probably factors in the outcomes. I think Mario Kart 8 is also just a really dope party game that anyone can pick up and

be semi-competent at. That's right. Melee is a game that obviously has insane depth that we play to this day competitively, but also normies can fire it up and throw barrels at each other. And so are all the other Mario Kart games. Every single other Mario Kart. Nobody, Double Dash, also a really, really challenging game to play well.

Fantastic party game. Double Dash is really good. Wii's not so good, because it can be kind of frustrating. Why? Because if you bump a wall, you go so slow. I mean, that was a lot too. You're saying?

As a normie game, it sucks? Yeah, as a normie game, Wii's not that good. I think it's kind of bad. You hand a mom fucker with a Wii wheel? What was it about having a good old time? Even Brawl, they just started making clunky mechanics for fun. I think the mechanics can be good. One mechanic is drifting, or no, wheelies.

Wheelies make you go a little faster, but if you get hit while you're in a wheelie, you lose all your speed. Yeah, and wheelies are good because it's also a risk-reward of going only straight for speed. But it's kind of frustrating. And same with hitting wheelie you lose all your speed yeah it's also risk reward of going only straight for speed but it's kind of frustrating and same with like hitting a wall losing all your speeds there's a lot of frustrating stuff in wii and that doesn't exist in double dash double dash you hit a wall and you're like fucking yeah but it doesn't matter if we were talking

about what nick was saying which you agreed with mario kart wii was the best selling mario kart game by far until the Switch one. Until the Switch one that lasted for a decade. Yeah. It seems like it's just console-dependent. Yeah, it's just like what console is the most popular. Yeah, it just depends with console sales. People will buy Mario Kart as a title

with the console that's the most popular. I mean, they also just crush, too, though. Like, there aren't really many bad... I did a tier list of Mario Kart games. There's not many bad ones. No, they're all good. Even, like, the DS ones are fire. It's not like Mario Party.

Yes. Where Mario Party has horrible titles. And Mario Party is a good example of a game that I don't think sold the best on the... Not Superstars. Whatever the newest one was. I don't think that sold the best.

Super. Super Mario Party. Super Mario Party. Why do you guys think that series aged so poorly? Not poorly. Mario Party is not you guys think that Series like aged So poorly Not poorly Like Mario Party Is not what Mario Kart is

But I feel like At a time They were like Equal to one another In terms of like Important in sales It's cause they put everyone In the car bro

Yeah That was a while ago No that's true I think they forgot They put everyone In that damn car They don't know What makes it good

They don't understand I think that gaming Well okay Of course the game itself Just got way worse But i think gaming also changed where like a lot of the fun of mario party is being in the same room like with your friends and playing a party game where i think like the net code of a game like mario kart like stayed pretty good and you can play online it's a very similar experience where like mario party i think was meant to like your siblings your best friends your neighbors and like you're in a room I think that culture left. Yeah, it's not really in gaming anymore. You know why it's because we're always on our phone

Yo, that's why Mario Kart tour is out the mobile one the biggest earning Mario Kart It's really funny about that game because it's just it just even looking at it. It looks like the most casual experience imaginable There's still a subset of people who rock that shit competitively. There's like, there's clan wars on Mario Kart Tour. Let's go! And it's people just like fucking fingering Toad for fucking 30 minutes and it's just making Toad

do backflips in his prostate. The Mario Party speedrunner for the game that you picked up that got popular for a bit, that I got the world record in, that you never sub to that anyway that game the guy who had the world record when we started was this japanese guy who was like untouchable yeah uh and he uh is just a mario kart world poor fiend that's like he mains that game he's one of the best at it he just has a bunch of records and he just posts himself on twitter

he's like yeah crush to the new map it's like it reminds me of uh like clash of clans like tournaments where you watch that and it's like a million dollar tournament and it's clash and they just like they're on like a fucking tablet yeah it's so it's so lame i feel like that mobile competition shit there i just don't get it there was this one clash tournament i i don't even know why i i can't remember why i saw it there was they you know how in yugioh in the original series where they'll stand on like opposite ends of like a football field in like a tower and it's just this like legendary battle between two people but they're just playing yugioh clash roy there was a clash royale tournament that was like that it was like two kids in a tower i remember that the fucking phone the phone is just on the thing

yeah and then they they put their phone down like it's like the Sheik tablet in fucking Breath of the Wild. It's so funny because those kids, this is proven by our friend Zeke managing them, don't know how to use a stove. Yeah, they're kids, man. But they're on a stage. They're like 14. They're like, how does the stove work, Coach Zeke? And they just stand there and put their fists up and thousands scream. I don't think they need to know how to use a stove.

I think they're clashing. Their brains are aging in reverse. Yeah, they're young little pharaohs. Gen Alpha. They are young pharaohs. They'll be pyramids for the Alpha generation. They'll be pyramids! Every number of the Alpha generation will have their own pyramid. They're going to clash pyramid with like a Logitech logo

on it. They'll be buried with their digital assets. Okay, okay, Squeaks. So you can't include any game that you've ever streamed before in this answer. But you had to pick one game to play against the general streamer audience. Not audience, sorry, like streamers. And you're guaranteeing you're going to win. What's your game? What's your go-to?

Like, this is my game. The general audience? Like other streamers. You have to play every streamer in a competition. You have to get first place. And it can't be a game you've already streamed what is your go-to oh fuck fallen well i'm not good at games he's not i'm very bad at global encounter shake you're not good at games because i'm good at like two games total like total mario encounter strike everything

else like i'm pretty dog shit at i feel okay at tetris but does that count as one i'm so old there's two types of good gamers there's somebody who like hones a skill set that specifically applies to like one type of game like maybe you're somebody who's like really really good at fucking league of legends and like maybe that skill skill set translates a bit to a game like dota and then there's the god gamers like void Who play a game like league hit fucking grandmaster and then play a game like CS? Become the best at that game play a game like super mario And it just doesn't matter because your brain is able to like decipher the puzzle of any game No, I thought about this a lot

I think the difference between those two player or those two gamers is the first gamer is like Void, for example. The lever in their head, or I guess the first gamer, so whoever isn't Void, they have a switch in their head that they have to switch on when they want to absorb and learn a system that they can keep off if they want.

They can play a game like Mario Kart and just be like, I play this game for fun. I'm never going to switch on that switch and I'll just play casually forever. People like Void can't control that switch. They are just figuring it out by looking at it.

But what's cool about Void is he's not a nerd about it. He's still really cool. The Ponton's meter for Void never runs out.

There's always Bob. There's always a few Bob in the meter. Boxbox is like this too. Yeah, Boxbox is a legend. Boxbox is a good

Mario runner too. He might be the best gamer. Like if Boxbox or someone like Void or Boxbox, they like make a mistake in a game, it like cements in the back of their brain forever and they never forget that mistake and they don't ever do it again.

Whereas like a casual player who doesn't think about that, they run into a wall in Mario Kart, they go slower and they run into walls for the rest of the race too. And they're like, they're not even computing what's going on. Like Shake Drizzle. Like Shake Drizzle when he plays Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. Shake Drizzle might be one of the worst beerio kart players ever seen

He's like what the best, the best genre It's not the beer, that's the problem What's the best excuses of any gamer in our band? He'll be like bro, fuck I lifted today Oh my god, so sick Dude bro, I'm not even like, this game fucking sucks, I don't even like this game Him just dicing him on the melee side, he's like no, wrong, wrong Like his work, he used to rip it up game him just a dicey come on the melee side he's like no wrong wrong look his

work he's a rip it off yeah he read himself four out of ten if I'm being generous he's a two wow one is someone who is playing for the first time yeah cuz you would take a tight left and he'd like break and then like hold left. Like he should just I'm driving a real car. Yeah. Like you're moving between worlds and Mario.

Yeah. It's like you gotta go to each point. Well, I feel like like the really good gamers, they know how to, like they practice practicing too.

I think that's why there's a lot of like cross similarity. But Ludwig said, this was like a while ago, probably like three days ago now, but Ludwig said something smart, because... I know. I know. I'm just so scared.

I'm gonna guess this one. No, but I was like... Don't look down. Don't look down. Because I used to think that streamers were dogshit at games. Like, streamers... Like, I would get so frustrated watching someone play a game on twitch and then when i became a streamer i became dog shit at games but i think like the point being that you

don't think when someone's live on twitch they're thinking much about being live but the exact opposite is true like when i'm streaming a new game or streaming a game half of my brain's like how do i make this moment funny how do i do how do i perform this moment you're splitting the g yeah and then that that variability between the two like it just it cycles through whatever streamer you're watching so like if you're trying to be good at streaming your content brain takes over your gameplay let me tell you something oh my god he's gonna he's about to give you a speech about why he's the goat yeah so you're gonna learn a little bit actually if you want just mentally prepared if you want to take some notes actually this is gonna be great you're gonna learn a speech about why he's the GOAT. Yeah, so you're going to learn a little bit. Just mentally prepare. If you want to take some notes, actually, this is going to be great. Is that right?

You're going to learn a lot about streaming right now. Go ahead. All I'm saying, as someone who is probably the most electric Valorant streamer ever to do it. Don't stop yourself with Valorant. All right. Remove that word from that sentence, just streamer. I'll let others edit if they want to. But what I've been told by some people who are pretty

successful is that i'm the kind of what i just didn't think you had that sentence in you i really thought you just it's crazy as someone who's been told look there's a reason why people watch me and not tens why is that because you try to make the moment funny. Or you try to make a memorable moment. Go on. I'm not kidding. You're tricking me to give you a compliment. I'm trying to decipher.

He's not beating 10s in viewership. 10s has 20k. When you say his electricity has part of this, let me quantify his chalking-ness of live stream. No, but that's the way I've sort of hacked the system. I'm not, I'm actually not talking about the go. Is that why you're forced by marshals? Uh, shut up. It's because

I will be like, alright, I'm not gonna be really good. Yeah. Maybe I'll sometimes will have flashes of brilliance. Moment of brillium. Yeah. By Intelman. Which is really, which is really Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter. But most of the time my job is to just be funny

at all costs. And this isn't a new concept but I did think about because Ludwig told me this he's like why do you think people want to watch you and like it's not because you're good.

And I was like that's hurtful. But it's true. I've told you both smart things and I don't remember either conversation. You don't? This one's funny because it happened on The Yard, which is a recorded show.

Is that this? Yeah. Wait, we're on that show. Are we live? I thought we were just talking. We are just talking. We have recorded shows that you don't have to remember it because it's been digitally memorized for you.

That's true. More hard drive space. They'll be buried with me in my Gen Alpha pyramid. We're not getting pyramids. Let's be honest. No, millennials are getting pyramids. Why not? We're a bad generation. We don't get it. No. We're not getting pyramids. Let's be honest. No, millennials are getting pyramids. Why not? We're a bad generation.

We don't get it. No, we're not. Because we would make our pyramids have our fucking Harry Potter house on them. It'd be embarrassing. Why are millennials the most self-hating people of all time? Because we suck ass. Because we grew up with Cray Sean. No, because we think self-awareness is like a skill.

We think self-awareness is so cool, but we're no less cringe than any other generation. Wait, so you're with us. We're cringe. No, I think everyone is equally cringe, and we're not more cringe than any other generation. Okay, here's why. I think it's cringe because we can't buy a house. Here's why we're self-hating. We self-hate right now because we are just hot off of the conveyor belt.

The Zoomers are now here, and we were there in the sunlight, but now we're not. What are they talking about? Your choogy ass is on the way out. We're past our prime. You guys are late millennials, and I don't want to hear shit about it. No, we're like first-gen Gen Z, for sure. Not even close. I definitely am.

Because Pinky Doll said grab, grab, and you freaked out. He's Gen Z. He's past the year. The year's 96. I fucking, I watch TikTok. It depends on whether you're the oldest or the youngest. So if he was the youngest sibling, he'd be a millennial. It's giving millennial. Interesting. But he's the oldest sibling, so his

little bros. The way you're such a Gen Z. Yeah. It's giving by. A lot of're such a Gen Z. Yeah. It's giving bi. Giving a lot of youth bi energy. That is true. Speaking of being closeted, I wanted to tell you guys something. What? I wanted to announce it on this podcast.

Okay. Here we go. I'm ready. You look like you're exhausted. No, I'm ready. I'm just preparing mentally because I know what you're going to say. Bro, watch Barbie. That's his announcement.

I learned that they came out on the same day. And that one is one pink. Low key, one of them's like a darker movie, and one of them's like about a toy, and that's kind of... Low key, that was savage of them to do that. Here, listen, guys. And I learned this yesterday when we did fucking Wizard of Oz. Okay.

I, I'm a theater kid. You like being on the stage? I made fun of theater kids my whole life i made fun of people like improv i said i'm not like them i'm cooler it's not me and i realized yesterday that the whole time i've been denying that that's just who i am. And I would like to formally come out on this podcast and in my life as a theater kid. Yeah, we know. So now we watch more of Twitch. See what you guys think on it. Was it really that obvious? Yeah.

This whole time? Yeah, definitely. I didn't even... I thought you already knew that. I love how you guys are acting like theater kids are like some strange, different creatures. I'm your dad. I'm not the mailman. I know you.

We still accept it. You can still come to most holidays. Not the ones with the mom's side of the family. Yeah, mom's side does not like. Don't bring this up in front of mom's side of the family. Okay. But they would be a problem. When you talked about our jail looking gym and how that

scared you off you know i kind of got a hint okay well i'm glad that you know i didn't think i was that obvious but yeah i've been i've been denying it my whole life i don't mind but are you gonna like yeah like practicing at home like when i'm here like you can be a theory i just don't want to see it. You know? It's like you're in theater but like why do you have to make your whole personality? Just don't call it comedy. But true.

It's not comedy. They're different. It's different. It's different. But the same. Do it. Like do improv. Laugh.

But don't call it comedy. So yeah. Thank you guys for letting me you know be myself. Squeaks i'm glad you're here for this too yeah i know i'm glad i could be here in support yeah but i don't sound like you're supporting i'm just a little weirded out by it it's just not your value it's not really his thing he like does it yeah he doesn't get it i don't really get it you don't get it like is it you want to ask me any questions about just like, like, do it in your own time.

But I'll support you. Like, I'll put, like, whatever bumper sticker on my table. I dragged him along to watch me in the kitchen shorts. I'll use it. The theater kid pride flag would be so funny. Whatever square you need on my Instagram, I'll fucking. It's like a curved text that says, yes, and. It just goes over your profile picture. Yes and.

And it's my fucking Harry Potter house. Actually, I'm very intolerant. I just learned I'm openly intolerant. Yeah, my body just repulsed into itself. I'm serious, though. I had this revelation. What prompted this? What about you?

When we did theater for two and a half hours. Oh, right. I was like, I like this a lot. This is bad-oh by debbios fun performance fun i i have a i have a question for you uh what's up if you the audio listeners got diced first weeks uh if if you because you said you're not good at very many games uh like you've, you did say that. I'm not. I'm only good at like two games. If you could pick a game to be absolutely fucking sick at,

but it doesn't, it doesn't, it's not tied to the success of your stream career at all. Use one inch off your penis. Oh, I would do it. I have a massive dick, lovely. I mean, I could take a few inches off. Okay, relax. We're not trying to lop inches off.

All right, let's get to the Patreon episode. What game would I choose if it didn't affect my stream at all? Yeah, if you could be a professional level at some game, what would it be? It'd be Valorant. Really? Not CSGO? Well, I just think I played at the highest level I could at CSGO, and I feel like beyond a certain point in

CSGO, I don't know, I just feel like I was just not interested. Did you play Faceit? Yeah. Were you Faceit 10? Well, I played back when it was like ESEA was more popular. So Faceit's kind of like a newer thing. Dude, did you watch those old-ass streams? It was before Valorant was out, but it was like the old late night streams was like everyone was on like wardell tarik oh yeah

and just like grinding the the 10 mans late at night yeah those are good times rank s it was it was some of the best twitch of all time dude it was so sick yeah and valorant came out and it just all went away because the bag for any val for any cs NA CSGO is just like it's at Valorant yeah what's your Valorant rank well I don't really get into Valorant but I'm like plat 3 plat 2

but I just like don't like the ability plat's the classic I don't really even play that game right now no but I swear I don't I swear I don't

but you actually don't but I actually don't you play Phoenix because he's Counter Strike man yeah like Phoenix and Jett I'm not gonna fucking pretend like

I know all the abilities or pretend like I'm interested but like my theory is I'm not a big fucking pretend like I know all the abilities or pretend like I'm interested. But my theory is I'm not a big enough streamer to pretend Valorant's more fun than CS. Like, if I want to play an FPS, I'm just going to load up CSGO. You do a good amount of CS streams still.

I do. You do? I enjoy it. Yeah, I like doing it. You guys are a lot of the laziest streamers and you'll be like, three wins, then I end. You open in cases?

You open in cases? You crack? Oh, I love that how much how much money lifetime what have you spent on keys i am like a fucking monk when it comes to cases i don't i don't do it at all wait wait you said you did you said you like i mean i like i've cracked open some cases but throughout my whole career i've never been like a case or skin okay but what do you think your lifetime dump into cs CS go in terms of money yeah probably like 40 bucks 30 bucks Wow I'm like $20 more than that probably you probably spent more to play

the game you probably bought it yeah you had to pay for it bike out of strike I bought it for 15 bucks. Tell him your knife. I have a knife that is worth $18,000 right now. Holy shit. You didn't crack it. I did not crack it. I bought it for $14. $14 grand?

Yeah. I mean, that's an investment. That's actually kind of awesome. You should start a podcast is all I'm saying. Yeah. I hope I'm just a CSGO case unboxing podcast. I'm just saying, that's how you get your bread up. That's how you get your money up, not your funny up.

All you have to do is buy skins before they announce CS2. I don't. It's very easy. Okay, podcast idea. You crack the entire episode, but normal podcast while you talk. Title of the episode is just the total value you cracked in skins. Okay. So it's just a number. Nick with

YouTube brain is dangerous. That's a bad idea. It's just funny. Well, I'm just realizing that the way you're starting to look at YouTube the way you look at video games, I'm like, uh-oh. Let's do whatever content pieces we can that get us to crack more is what

I'm behind. Yeah, but why did we all accept this whole skins? Like I don't remember being like- The odds are horrific. Yeah, it only becomes more and more mainstream. Have you noticed that? Like all of these huge streamers- Why are these celebrities all cracking knives then? Why are they all cracking knives that the odds are bad? I should crack cuz they crack knives. Yeah, they crack knives like we did. Remember when Kyle, our friend, cracked a knife on a steam deck? Yeah, now that's normal. He was doing it before it was cool He was doing it on a plane now, which is like the corporate version like

That is crack nice ten years ago too though or however long ago you could ninja CS go lotto Yes, go long when those websites were out. I was like that was true crack Twelve hours Playing like fake odds to a,000 people on Twitch. Do you know that was the old Twitch viewership record for a long time? It was like a, it was a Phantom Lord stream where he, he had on the people

that like hacked the Riot servers for the day. And it was like Phantom Lord just talking to these like European guys to a hundred fifty thousand people that's great and uh and then he got banned. Yeah we just thought he'd be funny. I don't even want to touch that accent. I'm scared of that accent. I don't support that. Speaking of knives, are you cut or uncut? Oh I'm uncut. I was born in India. Welcome. Hey, he is too.

Yo, let's go. Us three. Oddly enough, I was born in India, but I still got circumcised. That's the crazy part. You brought your own knife. My mom was like, hand him over, I'll do it myself. I got an M9, marble fade. I really gotta crack it open. It's super racking grand. Cracking foreskin.

See if there's two dicks inside. Checking the wear and it's like skin on. Fuck! No but I just think like, okay and this is not, I think it's cool that you like like Counter-Strike skins and stuff, but I think they ruin the game. What? I wanna be, ooh. Oh my god. How do they ruin the game? Show your work.

So here's why, because I understand it brought in so much viewership and everything But now when you think of CS content, it's very few people are interested in the game at all It's all about the ancillary stuff like opening skins or like lottery stuff But the game itself like it's kind of like silly to stream it without having case unboxing It's like a main thing. I's kind of like silly to stream it without having case unboxing it's like a main i only kind of agree i think the casual audience for watching cs like the era of watching somebody just play for fun or watching a streamer that isn't a pro is like it's going away and unless those people are cracking i think it is hard for like a new person. Like if I were to start streaming Counter-Strike, it would be hard for me as a player to become a Counter-Strike streamer in the way a Valorant streamer could.

But I think the difference with CS is that the esports scene is significantly bigger than like the skin cracking scene. Like you, like you will always have like 500, 000 people watching the major and that doesn't have anything to do with cracking and i think there's not like that like there's that interim like casual market for valorant that i don't think cs really has also to argue that valorant also is is oftentimes about the bullshit and not the game right like they've created an entire culture of like just the culture around the game a cabal a cabal if you will true daters yeah yeah the e-daters and the and the there's definitely a casual there's like a casual youtube angle for valorant that just does not

exist yeah there's a bunch of valo content valo content kind of thrives everywhere even like a skin like new skin come out this is my review of the skin. It's like, okay. Yeah, but that's big, but it's all contained in the game. I think what makes CS a little more predatory is that there's all these third party shady companies that are trying to get a cut of it. And the money is like 20 grand. Saudi Ramco.

Is that what it's called? Yeah. They could be the biggest stream in the world. What is it? They just, the oil, the largest oil company in the world. It's the Saudi National Oil Company. They just start unboxing 100k a day. It's crazy that it's called a cartel.

You know how there were those Drake steak streams? It's like MBS and he's just cracking CSGO cases. That would go crazy. That would crush. I would watch that. Let's put the geopolitics aside for a day

so we can all crash together. Let's just see what MBS unboxes. If we crack enough M9 Sapphires we can pay back the budget for the F1 Riyadh race this year. That's like a little donation box. One F150. Dude, oh my god. All the players get

in big shale. Yeah. They get in. We should start. Can mobile moves get into shale? Can mobile moves get into fracking? Yeah. We could get yingling.

CSGO skins becoming the vehicle for global oil money is great for me. Great for my portfolio right now. Yeah, when it's tied to a natural resource. Can we get yingling? We should get Yingling. You know that video of the guys all muddy working on an oil? Yeah. Just Yingling and Yan, just all muddied up, just fucking up. We just loaned them out to an oil company in Texas.

We have a frat for a year. Yes. And they come back with so many stories. Oh, they would be so interesting. They'd be so worldly. Like your dumps. Like my dumps. I'm like my dumps. We're going to send you to North Dakota and you're going to pump some water into that shale.

And you're going to see what comes out. I'd be interested in that. I want to see that. We're going to pump all the viewers into the Patreon episode now. Because we hit our 90. What a weird sentence. We're going to pump all the viewers. If you're a viewer, you're about to be pumped.

So put the 3D glasses on under your seat. It's about to be the pumping time. It's also 4D if you sniff. Squeaks, what do you want to tell the people at home? You finally have a platform. Wow. The vaccine. I'm going to demonetize it right now.

No, nothing. Thanks for having me on. This was a blast. Good to meet. I haven't talked to Nick or Eamon at all that too much. So it was. Thanks for having me on. This was a blast. Good to, you know, meet. I haven't talked to, like, Nick or Eamon at all that too much, so it was good to talk to you guys. Do you think his name's Eamon? Do I think his name is Eamon? Yeah, have you been

tricked like everyone else? I don't know your real name. What do you think his name is? What do you want me to say? The answer's Eamon. I think it's Eamon. Wait, is that incorrect? No, it's right. It's right. It's right. It's Eamon Gaemon. Hey everyone, thanks for watching.

Squeaks, everybody. If you want to go to the Patreon episode, you can do that now. It's on the patreon.com. And we'll see you next week or on the Patreon, and see you later. And we will be sending a BT to the Fearan place. We will be closing.

There will be no BTs. And BT means big ticket to a fun carnival. We're going to send all of them BTs. Goodbye. I'm going to buy so much uranium. Can you watch Oppenheimer? What's up?