The Yard - Ep. 108 - We Discovered The Weirdest Thing On The Internet

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

This week, the boys talk about goon caves, Leffen winning at evo, and how they produced a film in 48 hours...

you can't you can't be late anymore that every time you're late now we think you crashed on the bike you can't fucking do that drops what do you got there but oh yeah okay what are you smoking no higher higher how high can you do it? How high can you do it? Did you smoke weed earlier? You don't need those. Your mom is fine with it. Are you crying?

Dude, that's so many. Oh, why do you? Wow, that's such a good tweet. Do you have dry eyes? Is it because you look at screen too long? It looks like he's crying. Oh my God.

What is wrong? Can we just record the fucking podcast you can't be late anymore why are you so caught up about this valerie game ignore him you can be late it's okay no because we think he dies on the bike you could be late i can't handle that every day i don't think you died because my breeder said why did you bait me and i said and i said what do you mean i hit him 120. You just need to hit him once. And he said, when I swung the turret and I said, oh, I missed that calm. And he said, I didn't comment. And I was like.

But you did. And I was like. But you did. No, he said, I didn't comment. But you did comment. No, no, he, he swung it. He didn't comment. He's talking from this perspective.

Oh, I see. And I was like, I know. Cause he doesn't have a mic. Okay. But he's still barking at me. But he's barking at you. So he does have a mic. And then every round. Is he typing it? Every round he But he's barking at you because he does have a mic. And then every round he

he's typing it. And every round he pushes me along. Do you think it's a good thing to know that people who grief your games harm you? Do you think it's good to say that to the world? They hurt me. Yeah. Do you think it's good to reveal that to the audience? I said

after the game that I'm never playing Valorant on stream solo queue again. I said it's only with a group. Do you mean that? Yeah. Because that guy

griefed you? Isn't that funnier? It's not because that guy, it's because the whole game hurt. I don't know. I can't deal with this. We would have had,

if he lost his game of Slippy earlier that he was playing, we have two miserable bears right now. Two decorated losers. I can't have that. Wasn't losing. Lost one game. Well, the last game,

that's the one that counts. I'm coming out of this. I'm electric today because I survived the Nick Yelling Thunderdome. I'm on top mentally right now. Me and Yelling played a bunch of Melee today and we were just playing friendlies for a while and then we decided to play best of fives and we played

five best of fives. He goes up 2-0 in the best of fives. He wins both 3-1 and I'm like not like this. I'm down and out. This is looking bad and I win three in a row. Wow. It sucks to be down two best of fives in the best of five

best of five. That is a lot. You've got to win nine games. Also, a weird thing is it gets hard to count by the time you're at the fourth best of five. You're kind of like, where are we at? You could lie to Nick Engling. This is the fifth set. Fifth set? Okay.

All right. Lock in. What, man? I can't be late? If you're late, we think you died on the bike and I think that's bad. He's projecting. I don't think that personally. I don't think you should because he will. I think that you're late because you're just late.

I'm gonna- I'm gonna- I need an excuse because like if you say 7 30 and you show up 20 minutes later, what does that mean? Papa! Papa! Do you care? Aiden? Hi Aiden. Yes? A little time? I have your excuse. I have your excuse. What is it? You typed 750 in the chat first. You could just say you meant it.

It'd be crazy to type the number you meant and then correct it and then be like, I meant the first one. Do you have something else? Do you have something else? Delete 730 right now. Do you have something else? Do you want to gaslight them together? I will die on that motorcycle.

I know. I think it's funnier to know. I think it's funnier to know that you are late because you were sad you lost your first Valerie game and then you queued another and then you're sad

you're more sad from the second game Do you think I don't have stuff to do at night? No it's not that at all I was just sad and depressed Do you have stuff to do at night?

Yeah I built an Ikea thing the other day My back hurts And I have to lay on his. His nights become afternoon's. He stays up late. If you die on your motorcycle, can we taxidermy you? No.

Like Jackie Chan? Absolutely not. Why? What? Why not? Why would we not be gifted or deserving of your- Is this a question or a demand? What the fuck is your problem?

No, it's a statement. What if your mom thinks we should taxidermy you? If she's on board, will you allow us? When I die? Shoot the shot. So what do you see like a bear or like a chipmunk when I die? Viking funeral you shoot the shot. Okay, if you miss you kill yourself wait You are second shot when you do the Viking funeral Like if you said someone on fire and yes

But the way you set it on fire is you lace that shit with gasoline, you push the boat out, and then you shoot a flame arrow to light it. Okay, why my last shot? Because I think you'll clutch it. Because you're the best shot. You need to clutch. Don't you want to blow up? Huh?

Yeah. Yeah, but he's just saying- Oh, you're saying I'll clutch it in the end. He'd rather I miss and then I have to die with him. Yeah, the buzzer beater. Yeah. There we go. And then there's a chance that the whole pyramid collapses. I'll whole pyramid collapse. No, I'll just pull up a lineup video popping off

Popping off like a huge you explode your friend's brain We fill this stomach with gasoline Fucking shots go I want it I want to taxidermy you and then put another person in inside of you and then burn them alive in a building alive well fan it's just it's a midsummer it's called a russian doll that's how you connect with your swedish roots yeah that is how i go back it's the mudwig to the fjorgan days the mudwig matryoshka sarcophagistic extravaganza yeah and that stream cracks 100k. Dude. For sure.

Yeah, you almost crack an iShot speed stream. Burning Ludwig's body live. And that thumbnail is me, like, Mr. Beast 50-hour thumbnail, but I look dead. You're like a monk on fire. Yeah. We recreate the Rage Against the Machine album cover. That's a hard album cover. Yeah.

You know the guy was fine after that? Really? Yeah After self-immolating? Yeah He was They just kind of like put a blanket on him They gave him a blunt in Seinfeld

And he was chilling They gave him an iPad with Seinfeld on it And he was like thanks And they paid him 50 bucks And that's show business Or grow business If there's weed involved Grow business

If there's weed involved. Grow business. If there's weed involved with it. I wish you was self-immolate. You wish Amy was like, if taxidermy myself was an option on my driver's license, I think I'd check it. Are you an organ donor? Yeah. Are you an organ donor? What position would you be in? I think so, yeah.

Organ donor? I don't think I am. It's not my license. When do you choose that? For eternity. Hold up, Aiden's. I'm son for eternity. Wait, what if...

Ooh, this is how we divide up Aiden. He dies somehow. Some hilarious, pathetic way. I kill him. You kill him. I stab him in the heart with a knife. But is it pathetic? Trust the wrong European man is how he dies.

Yeah, you end up on a wall somewhere. Nailed to a wall from some german named fritz i did this there you know the intersection that has the mcdonald's near near here yeah um the i think that's general enough to not sell us out we're dogs for sure um the uh there was these guys in this just most run down car imaginable and the exit to like get into this area was super backed up and I couldn't figure out why it was, it seemed really abnormal. And I realized that all the like choke of the cars coming off the freeway is going around

this car that is like pulled off to the side. And there's these two big dudes with a gas can like trying to step into traffic to like get cars to stop and i'm in like a merch meeting that i'm taking in the car but they look like they're in trouble and i'm watching every car go by them so i stop and i'm like hey guys what's what's going on hold on i need to handle something and they're they're just talking about yeah we need like gas we need could somebody guys uh here here are my keys uh and i'll walk across here's my card my pin is one one four five and i pulled off the the road to buy them gas and snacks and in my head i was like you guys would you guys would roast me for this this is a good did you know how did it end you just got

a gas that's the whole there's nothing there was nothing I think you're misunderstanding what we find incredibly hilarious about you. You don't get it. That's on the list currently. That's just a good Samaritan, like, cool thing to do. But interestingly, that same intersection we pulled over and we told the story in the pod already for a similar thing. Wait, was this the Dubai thing? The Dubai thing?

No, it was nowhere near this. Oh, well, I guess somewhat. It was in a car. This wasn't even in the county. It was in a car. Whatever. This wasn't even in the county! It was in a car, and so it's the same. Didn't that happen in Orange? Who wears a diaper? Yeah, this was the freeway entrance by Angel Stadium.

Or sorry, by uh, uh, Staples. Oh, you're so correct. By Los Dias. By the way, it happened in Los Angeles, California. That's Orange County. Meh, it happened in California. It's not Los Angeles, California. It happened in California.

They're the Los Angeles Angels. It was in America, so we're in America. We're down on the right side. And we got scammed in that spot. Okay, Aiden, that is not a problem. Okay, what's the problem? The problem is that instead of two guys that need gasoline to live their lives, it's instead some Swiss guy.

Imagine you're on a public train, and somebody's muttering to themselves, like, my phone won't work. I feel like you would be like, oh, Swiss guy. Imagine you're on like a public train and somebody's like, like muttering to themselves like, oh, my phone won't work. I feel like you would be like, oh, what phone do you have? You would ask, you think I would ask him what phone do you have? I need to get to the, the, the scat polycule meetup so we can all poop on each other. And you're like, oh, that's cool. I've never been to a scat polycule meetup.

Can I go with you? I know what scat is. I know what scat is. I know what a polycule is. Now is there a difference? Like do you take turns shitting on each other in their mouth or in the butt? And you would have all these stupid fucking questions. You're telling me because they actually eat really healthy over there. So the poop's actually like super clean. That's actually good for your skin. There's actually like there's way they have a really robust dietary system in the state.

Yeah I eat the poop. You know the people on the side of highways who are handing out flowers what you would do is you'd pull over and you wouldn't buy a flower but you'd ask them how their day was you pull over buy it give it back to them here's a flower for you oh how's it going he's like cool if five dollars you this whole bouquet he's like oh i don't need flowers or want them at all what do you want the money for like what are your goals so if it wasn't clear this is why we find you hilarious. Don't you get it? How do you not know this already?

See, I don't know if I would even have helped them. Because if you're running out of gas, that's one thing. But if you run out of gas so much that you have a gas canister to wave people down on your person. Do you want to hear something crazy? I think you're a scam artist. Might be a scam artist. We have ants in this building. And the exterminators came. and Aiden has their number.

He's struggling with conversation. He has their number. Are you going to fucking hang out with them, you freak? Wait. What are you talking about? I made that all up. Are you still believable, that was? Yeah, it totally is. I didn't believe him.

I was just like, there's got to be a good reason, because that's crazy. Like, is he a young guy that goes to EDC? Yeah, sure. I believe it. Yeah, and we're going to do fucking MD next year together. Yeah, I bet you were. You and Bjergsen and this guy. When you helped these guys, were you wearing the shirt with your face on it?

Because they might think you're like a cult leader. I wasn't. This is a few weeks ago. Hey, guys, I'll help you with gas. You just got to come down to the clinic, 4 p.m. We're going to do some reading. Come down to the community center, and it's a four-hour thing. Clear your schedule.

Bring a little vial of your blood. Just a little bit of your blood. We're going to let you in the building. We'll use your blood for it. I feel like this scat polycule meetup would be interesting.

God damn it. Shut up. Well, I'd do anything once. Yes, it would. Yeah, I used a bad example because we would all we all should be going to that. You would want to know

about this. We all should be going. A polycule, Ludwig, is what this is. Four people talking? It's part of it. In the beginning. A polycule is like a sexual, like, group. What's the cure?

We're all made up of them. Polycules. The powerhouse of the cell, I think. Let's group your molecules. Okay, wait. Aiden dies. I want to stick on this. Aiden dies.

We split him up. Someone gets his ass end like a fucking big pocket pussy. Like the ones in Japan? Yeah, like those fake asses you can just fuck. And it's like, and we auction it off for your goon cave. Dude. And then your mom gets your bust, right? So from the shoulders up, you can be on the wall. And then your mom gets your bust, right? So from the shoulders up you can be on the wall.

And then someone else- And you get my bust. And we all get- you all get our bust. Nobody needs my bust. So me and Miles have been developing this character just night and day and it's the goon commander. So can you pull up the subreddit zipper? It's r slash goon caves.

Oh my god, do you- have they- Do you know what this is yet? No, I don't know. A goon cave? Well, to goon is basically to masturbate, and there's a bunch of young, porn-addicted men out there who are comparing, like, battle stations, like gaming setups, but instead- Wait, to goon is to edge. It's their goon cave. Is it to edge? Yeah, gooning is when you never come. Well, either way, it has to do with-

Gooning is you masturbate and you edge, but to goon is to... Oh, it's private? Log in. To goon is to do it, like, all the time. So people who edge, right, they edge, like, once or whatever. But if you goon, like, you don't ever come. And you just always edge. It's like no nut, but you masturbate.

Okay, so it's just edging. It's a funnier word for edging. But you have to do it over time. Okay. Like, edging once is not gooning. But edging it's just edging. It's a funnier word for edging. But you have to do it over time. Okay. Edging a lot is good. Are you waiting for the one sex explosion? No, I think it's a never thing. Look, maybe you can pull it up and zip it for this definition, but either

way, there's like this goon commander and me and Viles talk to each other. His voice is like, boys, I brought you here for one thing. It's a goon. It looks like the juggernaut. Listen up. I showed you all because you're the best at what you do.

It's a massive chute with a retainer. He has rubber bands that keep his teeth closed. He has to lift up his helmet to get the fucking rubber bands. Once they come off, we'll be gooning with the rest of you, but until then, mom's got to cook dinner, and I'm going to be waiting on on standby dude they privated it in like a day what do they know what the fuck they might know something we don't zipper's writing a message to the mods to join r slash goon caves he

said i'm a shoo-in hello long time gooner first time chatter. First time caver. First time caver. But yeah, on that subreddit, some of those setups are like those Japanese half-bottom pussy machines and seven monitors. A dog. I feel like there's a surprising amount of dildos in some of them. So you can be someone's goon masterpiece. Centerpiece. I'll be their goon centerpiece. And they would never defile you because you're gooning.

That's a good use of taxidermy. I want to crowd good. They would never defile you cuz you're doing I want a crowd for a new goons off The boys got together and we have a bit was like a timeshare mostly What happened to the commander to make him talk that way. Well, he's 15. He's 15? Yeah, and his dad's in the army. No, his dad's dead, but he's got his fucking asshole mom's boyfriend named Steve, and tired of that piece of shit. He's always

getting on my shit about going. So are the other people in, like, the goon squad or the lair, are they all 15, or are they older? We don't know, because you have your handle, like, I'm Darkstorm X, and then there's Sula Buddy. He's a lieutenant and then there's Cee-la-buddy. Then there's Cum Container. There's Cum Container. He posts a lot on rflagpc.com.

So Cum Container but the container never has cum in it? No, it always contains cum. You never get rid of the cum. Well if you're a gooner there should be no cum. If you're a gooner there's no cum. No cum in the container. It's contained. It's just not released. Oh, Cum Container's balls are holding the cum. This is why we like Cum Container. There's no come no comment That's actually why it's a clever name that's it's like you know you join and you

Hate to the goon game We want you to not come on use a goon I think if you goon that much it like you you probably like see the Barbie movie. It's like hard not to bust Yeah, you're just like it's just vibrating You're required to lucid dream to stop yourself from coming no The Gook Game is an elite squadron. Teaching yourself to Lucid Dream, but not to fuck Jessica Alba is the opposite. It's to say no. It's like to never fuck hot celebrities. When you get in the dream, find Jessica Alba and then say no, not today.

I'll jerk it, but I won't come. Gook Game is like the Delta Force subdivision of NoFap. It's just like the battle hearted Yeah there's a marine We push ourselves to the limits And it's just 15 year olds with disposable income and a couple trips to Japan Yeah uh

By the way This is a segue into nothing but I always find it difficult to compliment my friends because I feel like if you do that too much they get too nice about it. So I'm going to do it in the goon voice. No. Who's comment towards? I would like to

congratulate Nick. He's a round of applause. Here we go. This man knows how to goon. He's enlisted. Is that the compliment? Is that? Tune into the Patreon episode where- So you're really fucking gross. Over the weekend, we did the 48-hour film festival, and Nick was on some Warlord shit.

He basically start to butt, nut to butt, ran the whole show, and we came out with a short that I think we're pretty proud of. I slept five hours. You slept five hours in two fucking days. But you had a day. You recovered. Oh, I slept last night. Totally normal. Are you happy with the results? recovered. Oh, I slept last night. Totally normal.

Are you happy with the results? Yeah. It was good. It was pretty good. We got really lucky. Because the way the 48 works is you show up to this place, and there's 300 people there. Because it's like 150 teams entered, and two people per team show up. They give you a random genre, a random line of dialogue, a random character, and a random

prop, and you have to make a movie in 48 hours. Once you get handed those things, your timer starts. Four to seven minutes. Four to seven minutes long. You have to use all these elements. Less or more. And we got, we fucking, there's like fucking 40 genres. There's like crazy ones.

Like musical. Like food film. Musical would be really tough. Musical. Medical. Fish out of water. Medical. There's just like harder ones. Fantasy, film, sci-fi, et cetera. Fish out of water. Medical. There's just like

harder ones. Fantasy, film, sci-fi, et cetera. We got dark comedy, which was like an insane role. Just comedy in general. It's like, okay,

we have a license to smurf, really. And then, what was your other stuff? Were they hard? Other stuff. Like your line. We had to have paint.

Paint was the prop. The line of dialogue was wait for it uh and the character was someone either named ross or rose liverpool and they are a musician songwriter and we just assembled it well nick assembled a crack team and uh i was uh i was on the writing the writing portion i was up to like 5 a.m yeah we had to fill out this like after we submitted the movie there is like this uh like one sheet that was like you had to put your best, your best, middle and worst of the day. Basically, it was like, what was the best experience, worst experience?

I was like kind of thinking about the process and I was like, worst experience was probably learning that our location had no air conditioning. Dude. The day of. Yeah. We booked like a wood cabin on like a 93 Fahrenheit day and we're like alright cool. It's gonna make our movie and then we learned it had no AC It was a 12-hour shoot So we were like 12 hours and like a super hot cabin everyone there was like we had like four people on crew whose jobs it

Was to like go and put fans up to crew members like in their faces cuz everyone's just dying But I'm the orchestrator of this so I feel awful that i've like booked this location it was you and ryan um were the ones that got the least amount of sleep i i showed up to the the location the day after we finished writing they're they're already shooting i see ryan walk out and he just kind of like staggers out of the house and he has a red bull in his hand. And I'm just like, oh, what's up? What's up, OG player? And he's like, what's up? And he just fucking shotguns a Red Bull. And I was like, no, no. No, dude, those were, Red Bulls were chug jugs this weekend.

Oh, dude, I was so fucked. I went up to Ryan. I was like, bro, do you need Adderall? He's like, I'm already on it. It was the life bringer this weekend. Any sort of energy you could, sustenance. It's probably the most water I've had in a long time, which is cool. Because I just kind of believed it would heal me.

I felt so bad. I was like, this definitely couldn't hurt. But yeah, it was a good time. I think we made something pretty cool. It's great. We almost made a movie. We really attached the idea of a character who has their penis replaced with a pharaoh's penis. A pharaoh's penis. A pharaoh's penis.

The pharaoh's penis. There's not more than that. And they're like, no, there is more to it. You always do this. What does a pharaoh's penis, how does it differ from a regular penis?

That's why it's interesting. Such a great question, Ludwig. Is it like rock hard? It's like a mummified pharaoh's penis. It's like discovered from a sarcophagus. Yeah.

And then they get it transplanted onto their own body. So it's the curse of Ra. And it's the curse of a sarcophagus yeah and then they they get it transplanted onto their own so it's the curse of raw and it's the curse of raw's penis right and then they like inhabit it's like baba hotep with a when you unwrap your penis you get the sun god's wrath and everyone's blinded everyone can't see their eyes melt but if you shield your eyes it's like the true form of zeus it is like that in mythologies. And that's what it could have been. It blinds you. And then we veered away from a dick-based movie, and I think that was good for all of us.

Well, to explain a little bit. So you don't just get one genre. You get two genres, and you can pick one or the other, or you can combine them. And so we rolled dark comedy and medical doctor film. Yeah. I wanted to do both. I wanted to combine them because I felt like dark comedy was like a little too easy. Like it was a little too like, oh, we got really, really lucky.

Let's try to make a more interesting film. And so some of the first ideas we had were like a man wakes up from his dick lengthening surgery. Yeah. He wakes up to get two dicks. He finds out that he accidentally signed up for a dick swapping surgery. And now he feels all the orgasms of the other guy. And then Dr. Ross Liverpool walks in and he says, it's a pharaoh's dick. We gave you the dick of a pharaoh, young man.

Are you ready for this responsibility? You are now a young street soldier. And it starts crumbling. And then a pyramid just rises out of the ground. And then Dr. Ross goes, wait for it. Wait for it. And then the penis Ross goes, wait for it. Wait for it. And then the penis blinds everyone in a 10-mile radius. The blinding penis of Ra.

The blinding penis of Ra, which helps Levin win, Ivo. I can pretend to you guys, but we're not allowed to post it online until the screening. Because everyone gets screened at a theater. And you could go watch your movie. Like all 150? Yeah. But there's groups. So we're in group G. And there's 15 people in our group. So we go watch your movie all hundred yeah but there's there's groups so like we're in like group g and we was like 15 people in our group so we go watch everyone in our

group and you can buy tickets to any screening so you could go to more than one you just kind of have to yellow i want to see everyone's fucking film do you that'd be a sick day do you because they're only seven minutes each um do you just create what do we get to the winners we will win the winners get sent sent to a film festival. And if you win that film festival, you go to the big film festivals. What do you do? What did I miss? Roy, Saudi listeners.

What do you do? You did it before. That was nasty. You've done that before. Okay, here's a fucking fact about me. What did he do? Every time I'm on stream, I do two things, alright? I do this, I go, I pretend I licked my hand, I put my hand in front of my hair, I pretend, I go like this.

Oh. And I've never touched it. Really? It's like TV. But I do, I do stare and I go, Teddivision. Because you don't know, and then I, but he just did that for real, he just licked his hand from palm to tip. You're like, we're gonna-

And then what? It's for fucking, I don't know? And then I... It's from fucking... I don't know. I just held it. I just mean crap. That's just goon around. You just get real sexual. I get real sexual

when I have him. Stop. You can't just go high in your goon cave. Well, it's where the magic does happen. Slime did this, not the goon commander.

The goon commander does all. The goon commander in his trucker hat... He does not do all. The goon commander has a disposable The goon commander in his trucker hat. He does not do all. The goon commander has a disposable income. His mom is a lawyer and she's never home. The goon commander works a part-time agriculture job.

He does all he can do at the age of 15. I've never worked a day in my life. I'll just admit that much right there. Why do you have a sober accent? The goon commander speaks a little sophisticated for a 15-year-old. today in my life I'll just admit that much right there. Why do you have a sober accent? Well, you know. The goon commander speaks a little sophisticated

for a 15 year old. Well, the goon commander spends a lot of time reading papers and I watch a lot of Christopher Nolan movies so. Would anyone like

to play Skate 2? It's an active game. Okay, so yes. We win. We win a giant trophy, it's a sarcophagus trophy. Cool. You win the Pharaoh's penis. You get the Pharaoh's penis. You get the sarcophagus trophy from 48 Hour Film Festival. They said so, if you win, you go to a film festival, I think it's called like Filmpalooza,

and if you win that you go to a film festival. Stop! Stop! I think he's doing that when I try to explain the thing that they asked. Also, you asked. It's really fucking Yes, it's the same hand it was harder this time you look there harder this time He's like pushing his tongue it as much easy can't do really good

My frozen bottom half of me ready be ready Could you lick your hand one more time I'm trying to draw my memory No, you know what commanders Parlor trick the right hand is tricky bucket Okay,. Oh, yeah. Look at that. Okay. Anyway. You go to a fucking film festival.

You go to a film festival. And if you win that, you go to a bigger, the bigger one film festival. You go to like. Oh, so it's like a tournament. We have to go show up to the majors. And there's like a very, very, very, very small chance that like if you like win that and you go to the next one that like someone will buy your movie. We're going to make John a fucking star. I don't think anyone's going to buy our movie. What would be. like someone will buy your movie we're gonna make john a fucking star i don't think anyone's gonna buy our movie what would be they might not buy our movie what what

would be like a studio or like a like what would be the point of buying a short film like what could that would they then yeah they would like own they would like own the rights of it and screen it and like sell and sell on it and like own the actual product as an art piece. We end up in Judd Apatow's scat polycule. Yeah. Most movies don't make money. It's like companies. That is... Hello.

Hi. I understand that. You understand this? I understand that. It's like that. This is the worst audio episode of all time. Yeah, as long as you're being sexual today. I'm not being sexual.

You're calling yourself goon commander. You're the goon commander. You're just being sexual today. I'm not being sexual. You're calling yourself goon commander. You're the goon commander. You're literally licking your hand and you just snuggled your toes in between my bosom.

There's nothing sexual about tugging on your dick for a little bit. There's nothing sexual about being an artist. Sex involves the love of two people. Do you stay soft

when you goon? Oh, it depends. It's really hard. It's possible. You're at a DMV or somewhere inappropriate. But a disciplined commander. Oh, he's very soft. I know it was a big project

because when I came to work out, it was all hands on deck. Like you just saw a lot of people? There's a lot of people here. And then Polite and Shake were on it. And we're working out and they're like, you're just waiting for footage?

And I was like, oh damn. I went upstairs on day two. Because I didn't even have shit to do with the filming. I slept in like an indulgent bear. I showed up. There's too many cooks. I'm not needed in there. So I'm like, okay, I'll help out where I can.

I come back to the studio. It's fucking Shake and Yingling upstairs on the couch. They're watching SummerSlam like two henchmen. It was so fucking funny. It was like a movie. You walk in and they're just like, I bet I could powerbomb you. And Shake's like, you could not powerbomb me. And I'm like, these guys are living the life of King.

Like they're literally like characters. And I sat down next to him. We watched wrestling for, like, an hour. Let me tell you, TV was great this weekend. TV was great. All time high. We watched the other Paul fight. Crazy.

Two Paul fight. Evolution. We had eSport. eSport. Left ebb. Start of championships. Cologne'd. I'm full.

I've come all full circle. I think all, like, celebrity boxing matches are as fake as wrestling. You're smoking ball sack now. I think I disagree because they don't need to be fake to make the amount of money they're making. Nothing about it needs to be fake for them to have the success that it is. Maybe they have a terms clause of we don't knock each other out. We just fight.

There is unspoken. That's part of the contract dana white even he went on record talking about this he was like look the reason why boxing got kind of cringe is because two but two guys would get ready to fight and they not want to hurt each other because they don't want to like they don't give a shit they're getting paid they're getting a lot of money they don't have to like go really really hard and ruin their bodies so they don't that's why he just he wanted to start this MMA thing that encouraged you to fight a lot, which also isn't good.

It's also worth it to have that realization and be like, and so I'm creating a league where the money is low, but you're more likely to get CTE. Yeah, exactly. More fights, more blood. Isn't that a thing? Aren't you less likely to get concussed in the UFC? I don't know.

I think UFC has to be higher. This is on some like Blue Skittles kill your sperm count thing. The yellow five. And if you goon for long enough, your testosterone goes up. Dark-shaped beard, biggest gooner I know.

How many people have died in a UFC fight? Nobody. I looked this up a week ago. You're smoking balls and cock again now. Nobody has ever died in a UFC fight. People have died in a UFC fight? Nobody. I looked this up a week ago. Ray Mysterio killed a guy. You're smoking balls and cock again now. If nobody's died in a UFC fight. Nobody has ever died in a UFC fight. People have died in unsanctioned MMA fights.

All right, how many people, there have not been any deaths in the octagon. How many people have died in Satan's backyard? That's my question. What is that? What do you mean?

Where Street Beefs takes place. Street Beefs? Zero. Like baby? Ray Mysterio killed a guy. Really? In the ring. Who was it? Look up ray mysterio kills a guy it happened i can't i don't know the guy's name it's just same with laura bush laura bush killed a guy

in the boxing ring in a car which is the boxing ring of life yeah it really is that's how i'll get killed is lord lord bush george bush's he That's, I don't think I use that term. What's hyena? You want to lean like a cholo? It's just yes or no, Ludwig. You always make things complicated. You're married. Yeah, so yeah.

Okay. Cool. That's cool. You think they're happy? George Bush and Laura? Yeah. Yeah. You think they flip it around with the lights down?

I think, yeah. Today's podcast is brought to you by Cash App. It's got tools for saving, spending, and sending. It's an all-in-one way to control and grow your money. Man, speaking of controlling my money, we just did the 40-hour film festival, and that hurt my bank account. It hurt the wallet. I've never paid for a movie before.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it was nice because at some point last year, I started saving a lot better. And so I had a bunch of cash to throw at it. And so it's fine. But seeing that number leave my account, it's kind of scary. It never feels good because you're like, oof, ouch, my bones. My bones.

Give my bones healing now. But now that I know saving means I can spend it on making a movie every once in a while, kind of tight. And that story is a great example of why you should download Cash App in the App Store or Google Play to see why it's the number one finance app in the U.S. Click the link in the description below. Now back to our podcast. You guys see my profile picture on Discord?

Is it Calvin from the cartoon from Bill Watterson? No, the one right now. The one I've had for a few weeks. What is it is it calvin from the cartoon from bill watterson no the one right now the one i've had for a few weeks what is it it's george bush in a cowboy hat like a like lifting trees in a yard no it's not yeah no it's not on discord yeah he's lying you are lying are you sure you didn't just change it for one day no you're not lying for weeks i just thought it was you no that's george bush wait i also thought this was you i thought it was you. No, that's George Bush. Wait, I also thought this was you. I thought it was you in a cowboy hat. I need to see, because I don't remember this either. Wow, because I've seen this cowboy hat, and I just literally thought...

Oh, I thought this was Aiden. I guess I never expected you... It's George Bush working hard, doing an honest day's work. Just love that for him. Yeah. What a scamp. I never expected you to be able to lift a tree. I didn't. Let's just say when the towers were hit, Aiden was nowhere to be found. I never expected you to be able to lift a tree. I didn't.

Let's just say when the towers were hit, Aiden was nowhere to be found. I'll just say that much. What did you even do to help? I don't know. I was in an apartment in Canada. How old were you? Four. Did you tell your dad to scramble the jets?

I didn't. You have to tell him to do that. Because I didn't want him to help. Well, he could have scrambled them. He wouldn't have to fly. What if America says, we need pilots and we need our baldest? And your father hides under a bed.

Pathetic. Because he has hair? It's not alpha. Or he's bald. No, because he doesn't want to fight. He doesn't want to fight. For the country that housed his son. He was just Canadian at the time, not for the country. That's what I'm saying, but that's bitch made. You're in the Commonwealth. Wait, how would he have fought?

You get in the plane. Why would he scramble the jets? Scramble the jets. I don't think he's even allowed to enlist at the time. I guess you're not getting it. Scramble them. He's not going to scramble anything. A Commonwealth citizen is allowed to scramble the jets,

and your fucking dad didn't. Yeah, he could have hopped on ham radio. Yeah. He could have said UA99 whatever. UA United Airlines? That was the flight number. He didn't work for United Airlines. Oh, you have to work. Oh, sorry. I'm only a corporate

salaryman. He's on ham radio telling them to scramble. You think they do it all through ham radio? I think they do ham radio. Because it's incorruptible. I want to get into ham radio. Get a ham radio on your motorcycle. I don't want to call up your dad. I don't want to tell him. Next time you talk to your dad, next time you talk to your bitch-made dad, I want you to ask him why he didn't...

He listens to these. He does listen. He does listen. But I want him to tell his son. But now he's a listener to me. He's bitch-made because he didn't scramble the jets. Why not ask your father why he didn't scramble the jets and fight for his country that is adjacent to his country. And also, dad, have you heard about r slash goon game?

You're kidding, son? What do you think a pilot cockpit is? Gooning in the Airbus. Wow, my dad. You know what? I'm reflecting on four-year-old me, and my father could have done so much more. I know. That's on some UAE shit.

Some Airbus gooners. Maybe that's why they wouldn't let you watch The Simpsons, because then you'd find out about 9-11, and then you'd be like, why didn't dad stop it? And they didn't want you asking those kind of questions in the house. Yeah, and I got to watch shows like SpongeBob, which were 9-11 free.

Well, not entirely. They had allegories, but they did keep it close to the chest. What which were 9-11 free. Yeah, they had allegories, but they did keep it close to the chest. What's the 9-11 allegory? Squidward's house. Plankton's spot looked a little weird. And Squidward's spot, it was a little too far apart. The chum bucket? The chum bucket is basically

Al-Qaeda in the allegory of Spongebob. Dude, anyone get coffee from the chum bucket every morning? He'd like no plankton. Only if plankton is like a French guy. Only. He'd be like, yeah, yeah, I know this little guy.um bucket every morning. He's like no plankton only if plankton is like a French guy Yeah, yeah, I know this little guy. He's really cool. He likes trying to steal like a burger or something It's actually really high tech like there's a computer that takes your order to Karen Karen so sweet Like a secret formula, he's actually looking for like a secret formula if you guys- Oh, Eamon, it's you. What do you say? You help me steal burgers again today?

He's like, yeah, well I'm kinda busy, but you know. That boy's at the front door. Dammit. He'd have a gasoline can out front. Karen, the homosexual is outside again, wanting coffee. Eamon eating slop from the chum bucket out of a big pho bowl. This is good stuff.

Yeah, but he thinks it's a European delicacy. I don't want to go to the internet across the street. I prefer the cool chum. Let's close it up.

It's a nice chum. Get a good girl dinner at the chum bucket. What's up with girl dinners? Girl dinners? Do you know about girl dinners? I've seen girl dinners. I saw a's up with girl dinners? Girl dinners? Do you know about girl dinners? I've seen girl dinner. I saw a picture.

It said girl dinners. Two eggs. And like a Hitachi and like an elf bar. I'm on girl dinner mode right now. What is girl dinner mode? I'm trying to see. It's just basically

what hot women eat to stay thin and like stay lucid in the world. It's a very sad trend yeah it became like a tiktok it's like a tiktok meme it's like i'm having like three slices of cucumber and that's girl three slices of cucumber and an elf bar and and like you know that's your girl it is definitely founded in a very like toxic idea but i think it's being like reclaimed by all women so i think it's

it gets to be oh that's Oh, well that's nice. Yeah. They're reclaiming it. Yeah. Thumb up. And I'm even. Goon commander approved. Hey, look.

The thing about gooning is it has nothing to do with women. I don't have time for girl dinner. Girl dinner? I got responsibilities. I got goon dinner. It's whatever my mom makes.

You gotta get a lot of calories in for goon dinner whatever my mom made today. Whatever she whips up that's goon dinner. It's whatever my mom made. You gotta get a lot of calories in for goon dinner, whatever my mom made today. Whatever she whips up, that's goon dinner. Sometimes it's kid cuisine, but sometimes it's Lunchables. Sometimes she slaps like crazy. That bitch will cook up hamburger helpers. She just claps like crazy?

No, she snaps on the fucking stove, bro. Sometimes she melts in the brownie, I drink it. Steve comes over. He tells us Steve comes over and she gets clapped like crazy. Steve, I get it. You want to fuck my mom. So what? Leave me alone, dude.

That's her reaction. That's her reaction to Steve is you want to fuck my mom? That's what kind of fucking grades I get. Shut up, Steve. Squishy. What kind of grades do you get? Bees. Bees.

I get a hell of B's. I can try harder for sure. I'm taking ceramics this year. Probably make mom happier. Does anybody at school? I took home ec and shop. Shop. I took them both. I can't get you a full monster energy.

Go and do it. It starts to hurt. I can't give you a full monster energy. Goon dinner. It starts to hurt. That's a 5'5 tall as I'm going to get. If anything, gooning would increase your height, I think. You would think so. You'd keep more of your nutrients. You'd keep your nutrients inside of you, but they just

would eat against each other. Do you bust out vitamin C like you pee it out? Do you bust it out? Yeah. I think you bust What is in a semen? I can tell you what's in a semen. I can tell you. I have a book on cum recipes. What does that mean to you?

It's called French food. Don't say that. So then you get your boy, you make him a bust, and put it in the pot. What do you say? It's best if you get the boy to come for a week, and you collect it in one jar, and it's ferment today.

We don't need the funny. We don't need the funny. What is cum recipes? What are you talking about? There's a book that I got, and it's all food recipes that use cum. So it'll be like creamy cum crepes. What? Is it like a funny book?

Or is it like... It's a very... Did you get it in your Amazon stream? Yeah. Okay. It's a very... Yeah, it's the book. It's called Natural Harvest, a collection of semen-based recipes.

There's just no way any... Doesn't cum like coagulate? Well, that's one of the great cooking aspects of it that Paul talks about. Paul's the author of this one. Paul talks about the different ways to cook cum and how it does coagulate, kind of like an egg white. Wow. And how you have to think about that.

And the recipes are all, they include pictures. I don't know if Zipper can pull up actually one of the recipes. And so the intro is crazy because he says like, hey, make sure that if you're serving any of these recipes, you tell the people you're serving it to. All these recipes have been tested by me and my friends. Me and my friends have a scat polycule, and we met a nice man on the train who's coming over later as well, and we made all these recipes. Like a charcuterie board.

It's like, yes, this one's goat. Yeah, this one's cheddar. This is my semen. We had Steve eat nothing but just like bear meat. I want to see. That's his cum. Let's get a yes theory video about this one. Yeah, like we flew to Croatia and we asked the first person to eat our cum.

Son, if you're good, we'll get jizz on the way home. No way I can jizz. Oh my God, jizz him? We need to bring back jizz him. Yeah, we need jizz him. What is jizz him? It's just another word. It's just an old head way to say jizz. Old head like people who are 25?

No, no, no. It's like what your dad would call jism. Or like a rapper from the 90s. So is it coming or just jizz? It's just jizz. Jism. Jism is semen. There's a big blot of jism on this.

It's what a girl jizzes. That's her. There's jizz and jism. Yeah, it is weird that it's jizz and jism on this on this it's what a girl jizzes that's her her jizz her sherry yeah it is weird that it's jizz and jism they've added an m to it yeah well they took

the m away oh do you understand we're trying to bring it back so what is it it's like calling it semi it's like calling it it's like

semi cuh what's like an elongated word that we've cut off cuh I'm gonna call it cuh now instead of cousin instead of cum it's like when Paul Walker was that we've cut off? Cuh. I'm going to call it cuh now. Instead of cousin?

Instead of cum. It's like when Paul Walker was like, forget about it, cum. Forget about it, cum. Forget about it, cum. Forget about it, cum. Forget about it, cum. Forget about it, cum. That's actually just good.

Oh, wait. What was I going to say? Wait. This is a stupid recipe thing because anything can just be like, oh, I made peanut butter cookies with cum on them. Or like- What is your point? I'm saying that it's a scam. But it's kind of like all vegan recipes, right? I just took the dairy out. Cum is not vegan.

His argument was that cum is a... Oh! That's not one of the recipes. No, it's good. Zipper just pulled up a picture of a cookie with cum on it. It could have been icing. Isn't that the hazing thing? You know what the hazing cookie thing? Yeah, yeah. What's the cookie?

Yeah. Okie cookie. There's a name? Okie cookie is when you're with people. You ever heard of this? No, I should. Well, they talked about

AAC sometimes. Why have you worn that shirt so many times? That's not true. Last time I wore it ago. A week ago. Over two weeks.

I don't think it's been over two weeks. I feel like every time I see you, you're wearing that shirt. I think it's just a recognizable shirt. It's a recognizable shirt, but it's been well over two weeks. I don't think it's been over two weeks I feel like every time I see you you're wearing I think it's a recognizable shirt It's a recognizable shirt, but it's been well over two weeks because my dirty clothes and I washed yesterday I see you're making a note. I like that. I couldn't see and now I can see No one wants to tires taking a sip of my coffee that was really funny you've done it again, thanks guys So what are you been doing Lotto?

I haven't seen your dumb ass I haven't seen your dumb ass We went a whole week Without you guys Did you guys watch our episode? You did I did He watched it on stream I watched it on stream

I heard about it I came to conclusions Aiden watched You watch it I think in its entirety No Close Close or I did

I watched probably like half You guys are like really fine with me So everyone was crowded around up here I think in its entirety No close You listen like really fine to me. Yeah, so everyone was crowded around up here watching you watch us so like So Aiden was watching a twitch streamer who is his friend in real life watch a podcast that both of them are in And then self and then I come in they're all watching it and later Aiden migrates back to his computer And then he starts watching it on his computer Even though it's still on the TV everybody was being so loud in the fucking you want to hear what you were saying So okay, I see so the England goes Aiden moved to the teeth of the computer to watch it in private We're all watching this thing that is about you talking about something and everybody's just fucking talking. And it's like, I cannot, I'm unable to consume the thing on the screen.

It's not a Rocket League match. It's about you speaking. Quell the rage goon. Quell the rage goon. I think you're- I need to beat off more. I think you are right. And this is not much different than when you do, like, a commentary

sesh, and you want to re-watch your commentary sesh to see the chatter's reactions. I'm not mad at Aiden for needing to listen to me. I find that flattering. I'm just, in my head, the funny way that it picked it, it's like if you wrote a book, and then one of your friends read your book, and then you watched them read your book. Yeah. It's like, that's funny. It's different than...

It is funny. It's different than watching him, what was the thing he was example it's i guess it's slightly embarrassing because commentary is like he's creating a new thing it's also attached to another thing you haven't seen yet it's not his and it is ultimately me in a in on a couch in front of a bunch of people watching you watch me. Like that's what's happening. That's really funny. That's weird. Were you electric? Uh,

I think I did fine. I think Nick carried the episode super hard. Nick was electric. Stans came alive and then he made an enemy. Whoa. Who's that? Summoning salt. What?

I just, he went on a tirade. Oh, he did really? He like weirdly unleashed on summoning salt. And I was just, it was like, I did not know he felt

this way. This is like his Mario Kart defense is that it? It was more like when Kanye- He didn't say that. He didn't bring a Mario Kart? I don't think so I don't remember that. It's related to Mario Kart. I think he was just shitting on his like-

And then he beat off even less. And then he started gooning harder than ever before. And then Adley- Okay this is turned from goon voice to just like making fun of something that's worse.

The goon thing. Adley bought a third monitor so he could beat off even faster. And then he beat the record again. Summoning salt,

the best, the quest to beat the goon commander. But, you know, it's funny. I unlocked, I appreciated Aiden's superpower during this

weekend because we did 48 hour film festival uh nick and his girlfriend are there at the place sitting there nick's waiting to see what the fucking prompt is and he's like on the newswire because you have to physically be there in person so there's like 20 of us back here cast crew ready to start like cooking as soon as we understand what it is Aiden while there's 20 people around some like brainstorming theories someone's like talking hanging out he's on his desk in the middle of this giant space headphones on just playing League for like the next five hours. You play Valorant?

No. You play League? You play Valorant? He played CSGO? He was just like doing generational gamer gauntlet shit by himself and it's just like doing generational gamer gum by himself And it's just like so many people around him and he is just quietly playing video games in the middle of them like it's Mecca Are you crushing lane? Micro I was watching something dude under tower. He's a legend kind of yeah, dude. Okay. I'm in a low rank. Let's be

Legends like he's wearing a mocap suit Let's be, I'll say that first. Aiden plays like Legends like he's wearing a mocap suit. He goes like. That might be the funniest thing you've ever said. Yeah, I see. Because I'm just imagining it. So I don't know that. So what I did, because I know he was like locked in playing Valorant.

And he's not being disruptive. He's not like, he's just there. So I got everyone in the room to crowd around and just start screaming at his match as if it's like the the finals of evil or something so this is when i was playing valorant earlier so i'm just like i'm playing i'm like quietly calming because i don't want to fucking make you know they're they're talking to each other they're talking about the short film and uh he has everybody gather around me and scream for this one round and I get first blood Yeah, and everybody popped off. It was pretty sick. And then it was my ascending game. I made it back to ascend in that game I sent it to you zipper

There's a video of it. He's passionate all that was crazy Everyone is cooking it up. Eamon was fucking getting different with it on the roof I don't know his name He was sitting He was sitting on like the far unlike my left next to What it looks like this is guy we look like he? He was sitting next to the guy with the the beard and the hand the car is he kind of scrawny coked out shake drizzle

Yeah, who in this? This is just playing a round of Valerie Was he kind of scrawny, coked out, shake drizzle? Yeah. Who in this? This is him just playing a round of Valerie. And I had everyone just start fucking freaking out. It's none of the people here. It's none of the people in this video. There's a guy later when you guys were talking about the writing process. It's like probably 10, 11 p.m. Everybody's in the room.

You guys are just walking around. You're pacing and everybody's discussing the idea of like what the film is he's Rose I like tiptoe You have your shorts pulled up to like your chest Anthony I'd 80 during the short film You took that from Dan, yeah? You know what's funny? It looks weird when you do it. Yeah, I don't know.

You look so different. You look like the beasts in Majora's Mask that hold the moon up. You do have the longest legs. He's doing that. And I'm just playing League. And the reason I want to play right now is because me and miles have been talking about league a lot and he inspired me to play lane

and i've played jungle for so long and he uh lane i think by laning you learn some basic concepts about the game uh that are hard to learn when you just play jungle all the time and i was like okay that's that's cool let's let's rip so i i get a sick like dive solo kill i like see the light for this moment and i i get a sick solo kill on my lane diving under tower it's like full hp but i make the call and i feel i feel so good and then everybody's just talking about the movie around me and i i don't care you know it's nobody needs to focus on me but then this one guy in the room came up to me and he saw me like take my headphone off a second he was like that's a nice dive he like dropped out of like movie making mode for a second just to tell me

I love the idea that it's like it's someone who have never seen Lee before at all and they were just like whatever you did that looked good that was us this weekend watching Elephant no I watch a lot of Guilty Gear. You consider yourself a Guilty Gear connoisseur? Yes. Can you name five characters? Yes, I can name five characters. Do you want me to do it?

Happy chaos. Yeah, five fingers of death. Five characters of death? Five characters of death go, yeah. Kai, Kai Kiske, Leo White Fang, Ramlethal Valentine, Axel, fucking Saul Badguy. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. These are real names. Yeah.

This is like if I was five and I was making up like a cool game. The names are not good. I wish I could get on the fucking Arc System Works staff to rewrite all of their dumb bullshit. It's so bad. It's like there's an alternate universe called the Backyard and it's like where evil is. It's like, it's so fucking terrible. Wait, is it one of their last names was Bad Guy? Saul Bad Guy. When I'm five,

it's like I use the 11 words I've learned to create an enemy. It's so absolutely terrible. It's like what you write in a script when you haven't thought of their name yet. Like, this will be Bad Guy. Yeah, it's Bad Guy. It's main character. And then Leffen played gunman.

Leffen lost to gunman last year at Evo, and then he picked up gunman, who shoots gun, man, and then he won the video. The whole shit. I don't understand why the other player didn't just block the bullet. I don't understand.

He doesn't understand. You don't understand. Just simply stop bullet. Chip damage. But yeah, Lefab won. That was huge. That was good. When there's our guy up on the fucking microphone, bro,

that feels good. Yeah, well, my favorite arc was the Mango hate arc. Oh my God, it's so funny. Mango on Twitter

just constantly tweeting out like, man, I hope Leffen loses and trying to do the curse of raw on Twitter. Yep.

Tweeted out like him doing like the Jesus kiss up for like Leffen failing. Just being a hater, but the best kind of hater because it's your friend who has like a license to do it it's the best kind of hater because the it got in leffin's head because the moment after he won that was the second thing he tweeted he's like fuck you mango yeah that's so big it's clear clearly leffin had seen all of this. Meigo's arc last year, because Leffen lost to the character, I forget her name, Mei, I think, who has dolphins, and she sends dolphins. She goes, Tatsugeki!

You know, much like what Marth says. No, Marth doesn't say it. Tatsugeki! Yeah, that is Marth's side of the head. Marth, he has dolphin slash. When he counters, what does he say? Tatsugeki. Tatsugeki. Mitekutere.

Mitekutere. That's right. Mitekutere. Yeah, sorry. Let's ask the guy who knows Japanese. Sorry. I do keep looking to you for answers. So does Nei.

So, but Mango would go on Twitter and just scream Totsugeke at his phone and upload the video until Leffen lost. And then he was doing videos where he would like bait it. He'd be like not looking at the camera and they'd be like, yeah, I saw a mango tweet curse of raw with all the symbols. And I'm like, I'm surprised he figured out how to find the copy paste.

I'm surprised he went through all that. Yeah. He's a streamer. Yeah. What do you Google? You think he's weird symbols? He probably went to his offline chat or discord and said, someone send me the curse of raw.

Yeah. He's got an army of minions. When you're a commander, you've got gooners ready to rock it's a great day great day we are feasting as gamers 11-1 evo arslan ash won tekken again which i thought was so cool dude why is this cool you don't know the story of arslan ash no yeah i'm not gonna do it on the pod, but it's cool. I think, just look up, for anybody interested, look up Pakistan Tekken documentary,

and it is just so... Long story short, there was just like, a long time ago, it was just like, oh, this is the best Tekken player, and then all these guys were like, actually, there's a dude in Pakistan who no one's ever played, he's never left the country, and he's actually the best in the world, and they were like, no, he's not,

and then he came and he beat everyone. Yeah, and now he keeps beating everybody. And then, dude is sometimes arslan would like post hit where they play and it's like a fucking dungeon yeah it looks like a saw trap it's just like a concrete like dungeon with a tekken setup he's like here's where we got like a fgc mina the region very good at fgc what does that mean yeah comparatively to other games. Just general Middle East area. Oh. Yeah. Well, dude, Angry Bird won Street Fighter.

That's what I mean. Yeah. This is surprising to me, because me is not good at most esports. I think it's so... It was so funny. I kept trying to find the bod of him winning, and I just kept getting Angry Bird's content. And I'm like, God, just give me the fucking Street Fighter match. It's gotta be one of the worst names.

That's bad SEO. It's pretty bad. That's like Josh and Sora. He's like, it was fucking weird. You got Sora from Kingdom Hearts. Like, I don't know, fuck. Let me look up that tag. Dude, we should, sports, real sports should all get gamer tags.

No, gamer tags are bad. Imagine fucking, what's that crazy pitcher? Fucking, he's like Matt Scherzer. Tony? Matt Scherzer. Okay. He's like a psychopath who's like trying scherzer tony matt scherzer okay he's like a psychopath who's like trying to like develop spin on the ball and he's and everyone hates him imagine his name was like you know captain fuckface or something like basically everyone gets to choose their tag right instead of their name in baseball and then it should be locked forever yeah and it's locked

yeah and so it's like someone d1 athlete chooses, chooses it when they're, you know, 18. Yeah, you don't get to choose until you're 18. You have to graduate high school. Mad Max. Yeah, that's cringe. That's like what they'll make. That's like what, like, normies will call them. Oh, it is cool when people get nicknames, though.

I want to be like Dark System X. That's what I was going to say. I want baseball fans to call them, like, Dark Storm. Yeah. I like when, in basketball, they just give him a nickname like The Truth. The Truth. Yeah. Or like Basketball.

Or like Floyd Moneymaker Mayweather. I think he just gave him that himself, right? What a shit nickname, Moneymaker. It is, but what if he do make money? But he do make money. Yeah, but everybody makes money with a job. Floyd struggles to read Mayweather. Floyd make a everybody makes money with a job. Floyd struggles to read Mayweather's shit.

Floyd make a lot of money Can't read, but you can count. It's like that much. Dude, if he just said that when 50 Cent was making fun of him, that would have been so funny. Like, yeah, I can't read, but I got so much money, bro.

He's a lot of other like options for like wealthy, you know, entertainer friends who also can't read too like there's other people out there he could be spending time with what's what are ones that you think okay fine we'll start alphabetical order alphabetical first name first name like who comes to mind like just straight off who i like definitely would not wish ill upon. Aiden Ross. Oh, yeah. He seems to struggle with some words sometimes.

I was going to say Adele. Adele? Classically illiterate. Yeah, I can't read. I like Aiden Ross. What do you like about him? I think he's funny. That's cool. What do you think about Adele?

Same shit? What's the funniest, coolest, chill thing about him to you? he's funny. That's cool. What do you think about Adele? Same shit? No, I don't fuck with her. What's the funniest, coolest, chill thing about him to you? Besides that he smokes fucking Mad Kush. Was it the Nick Fuente stuff? I think yeah. Is it being a chill-ass viber with anyone? He can make it happen with anybody. The fact that a Jewish person can get along with the Nazis.

Politicians don't enter the smoke circle. It's just about do you vibe and hang? And will you pass fucking left? Can you pass right? You have to pass left. I'm going to get confused. My hand's going to come out and it's not going to be there. Inflation is everywhere, especially in this room. Lift up your shirt.

To my right. Damn, did he beat you there, baby? But someone out there is saying reasonable. It's Mint Mobile, the sponsor of today's podcast. I hate you, Ludwig, so damn much. But I love Mint Mobile. You don't pay extra for the sponsor of today's podcast. I hate you, Ludwig, so damn much. But I love Mint Mobile. You don't pay extra for the cost of traditional retail because Mint Mobile takes the process online, making it fast and easy, Aiden. I'd like to put a bike pump inside you and inflate you.

Because inflation's everywhere. Yeah. But Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for $15 a month. That is less than Aiden spends on what, Anthony? Well, anything that involves safe sex. All plans come with unlimited talk text, high-speed data, and they're delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That's right.

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I want to get you all big for me. Yeah, I bet you want me to... I want to get you all big for... He's going to take a bike pump and inflate you. They won't pay us for the ad. It's mintmobile.com slash the yard. Please. Please just go to bitmobile.com slash the yard.

Didn't you go to Taylor Swim? I did go to Taylor Swim. How about it? All right. Did you meet her? I didn't know. That's not how that worked. I did get a guitar pick from her father, though.

What? Her father was walking around because we had these cutie cutie balled out she went crazy she spent tens of thousands on like this suite to go see taylor her second time two time she's going a third time as well wait her second time ever or second time on like this tour second time on this tour oh my god like fifth time ever die hard bro that's she's a diehard she loves taylor swift she loves taylor swift and she knows a lot about Taylor because we were in the suite and she invited a couple people last minute because some people dropped.

And one of the people she invited, she was trying to explain how there's chants. So at certain parts of the song, Taylor Swift will be like, in a love like this I'll wait. And then the crowd's supposed to go one, two, three, you go, bitch. And that happens a few times. You just gotta know. And so Cutie, in effort to a know and so Cutie she is so famous

you have to be so famous for that to be a part of your concert she is so she sold out SoFi 5 nights straight 60,000 people in the arena she freddied it isn't it fun to be in the nosebleeds of a tournament or a concert where there's 60,000

people? Yes, for two reasons. Yes, for two reasons. You're there to see God, basically. Yeah. Three reasons then, because you're in the presence of God. God Christ. Two, you got these big ass monitors.

SoFi is incredible. They spent $4 billion on that shit. So you have monitors that you can see it very clearly. Imagine a cave. You have a really good stage view in really good stage view. This is graphics Sofi goon sweet And they're not coming Every single event that happens at so far 60,000 people used to not come here

Now it's a goon town So it was the third one? I talked over you. It was the first stage. What? The stage has a lot of effects that you can see from nosebleeds that we couldn't see because we were low suites. It's like a Valorant tournament. Yeah.

So it's worth your time. It's worth it no matter what. There are some shit seats, but again, you're in the presence of greatness. You get to see Taylor swim. And so Q2's trying to explain all the intricacies of it. And she whips out this presentation, Google Slides, 55 slides on her phone that she made. And she's like scrolling through.

She's like, dring, dring, dring. Pause. Joe Jonas right here zooms. She's like, OK, so basically her and Joe Jonas broke up. So right here when she says, like, who's that guy? You go, kill him, Joe. And she'll explain that. Whoa. And we're she says like, who's that guy? You go kill him, Joe. And she'll like explain that.

Whoa. Like, okay, great. Awesome. It's well, that's not the actual chant. I'm just trying to give you the layman's.

It's, it is akin. This is the way I've described it before to go call of duty zombies. Lore. Yeah. You can go your whole life playing zombies and not understand the lore, or you can become a lore head and you understand every single detail. Yeah.

Computer, explain. So, so when I say, uh, I'm like a Nazi cause I'm ricked often, it's like, uh, it's kind of like that. Got it. Okay. This is good. You can, like, you can, you can get to round 30 on Nocturne on Toten and not understand a lick.

You can listen at 20, I'm feeling 22 and I understand a lick, but there's a lot to understand about Taylor Swift. I don't know about you. I'm Feeling 22 and not understand a lick. But there's a lot to understand about Taylor Swift. I don't know about you. I like that one. She's not Darren Totem and looks like a fucking Airbnb aid in a book. Like, shit,

it looks fucking good here. I don't get this joke, but I like his reaction right now. You would do that. Stop, you would do that. Stop, you would do that. You would do it, right?

Man, man. And then I realized two things at the concert. One, my job was basically make Cutie happy. That was just make sure she has a good time. Boyfriend mode. Boyfriend mode. So she stood right at the edge, sang the worst every song.

How close are you guys to Taylor Christ? Good gap. It's like she's midfield, right? If she's basically going for a field goal and we are at the suite. So there's like, you know. Is midfield a term in football? Yeah, like she's in the middle of the field. Like 50-yard line?

It's like she's going for a field goal. So she's between the hashes. And we are all the way off on the bench. Typical man has to imagine Taylor Swift as a football player to make it. It's because she's an athlete. They had a hash there? I think she's an athlete. They had a hash there? I think she's an athlete. She runs, dude, the whole concert, she runs around for three hours straight and she does

a show like every night. Five nights straight, three and a half hours. She sings every fucking song. She's sprinting around. She's dancing. She's doing outfit changes. I stood the whole time. I have not been able to walk.

Yeah. I've been trying to do ice baths. You stood in the suite? I stood, yeah. Because Cutie was standing, so I was standing. I didn't want to, like, fucking sit like a bodyguard. Yeah, if you sit, you're in, like, dick boyfriend mode. Everyone was standing. On your phone and shit. So she's just in wicked shape. She's in wicked

shape. And I also think she's zombie mode 18 hours, and then I think she does Vyvanse right before the concert starts. Dude, all of them stars are on some gear, bro. They gotta be. Like, it's just so are on some gear, bro. They gotta be. It's just so many shows. She's done the whole... This is a world tour, isn't it? It's a world tour.

She's going to Europe. She has a break, then she's doing America, she's going to Europe, then she's going back to America. She's doing 18 months of touring. The tour has raised over a billion dollars already. That's real sarcophagy. They call her an economy saver.

That's real sarcophagy. Carl Jacobs will not be his penis will not be wrapped up like a mummy. We don't need to talk about Carl Jacobs penis. That's related to Taylor? Yeah. Why did you bring in Carl Jacobs penis? Will Taylor's

Taylor Swift's penis will be preserved in a jar in the pyramids. Wait, but it won't be in a jar. Won't it be wrapped in like a mummy? No, it'll be in a jar. Right. Yeah. In the pyramids. Wait, but it won't be in a jar. Won't it be wrapped in like a mummy? No, it'll be in a jar with a bird chiseled into it. I see. Do you understand?

Nope. Yeah, that was interesting. That was good. Carl Jacobs won't. What I'm saying is like. You're weirdly close to the Lord. I'm realizing that like. That's slide 51.

Opening a slide next to a random person at the concert this is actually about pharaoh's penis I have a whole thing about it feeding susceptible Taylor fans

fake Taylor lore dude did you know that the blessing of Thoth has come down and Ra shines on Taylor

they wouldn't fall for that they wouldn't they wouldn't we could coin a chant at her we always brought at least 50 of friends, and we tried to get everyone to go, Curse of Ra.

This is such a- Can you get them to do it? This is such an expensive prank. It's just like $1,000 for the lowest ticket at this point. We could swing it. A little yard money. Yeah, I just don't think we would get the chant going. Yeah, we could, but it'd be impactful.

Okay, we, we, no, we do this way smarter. We give five dollars to every Yard fan that goes and says Curse of Ra. Cause yeah, we end up spending like what, like, like seven thousand dollars? And you have to get them to sync up somehow? PayPal batch payment. We need a commander for them. We knight a goon commander. We need a commander for them.

Cause I know just a guy. I am just a guy for the job. That's me because I'm doing the voice. This has nothing to do with gooning. It's just a harmless plank. But if you would like to learn more about gooning, please hit my line. Thank you. So the concert was good.

Yeah, she's an idol. I just did my job. I just kept cutie happy i gave her my shoes because her shoes are hurting i just gave her waters between every two songs so she's singing the words the only part that got a little stressful is that every concert taylor has secret songs and so every like new like songs that no one's heard she has a set list and it's songs that are not on the set list and there's a couple rules she'll never repeat a song and the songs won't be from the same album it's like game and watches hammer and pm it is like game

and watches hammer from pm and cutie only wants like she only wants the top numbers yeah because this is towards the end of the tour you can predict if it's going to be an even or odd based on the star and also the last three numbers that Game & Watch or Taylor Swift has performed. And all that was left is like number seven. And number seven in this case is Cornelia Street. So she's like, it's got to be Cornelia Street. She comes out, she does the full Dance of the Devil. I would pay $1,000 for a ticket if she did Dance of the Devil.

Oh my God, the Swifties would explode. And she doesn't censor the words. No. You can't. That would be bad. No. I'm going to get controversial. Oh, so art is bad?

That's not what I said. What the hell? Typical Ludwig take. Well, if something is provocative, automatically, this isn't content. This is a different point than your previous point, too. This isn't content. Huh? You just made two points. You said that I don't like art and that provocative is bad. automatically this isn't this is a different point than your previous point too huh you just

made two points you said that i don't like art and that provocative is bad you don't you can't handle it it's the third one now okay so what happened did cornelia street play cornelia street's a song okay and again we're like we're just trying to understand what happened in cornelia street what happened in cornelia street yeah what's the law you're asking me what happened i feel like you don't fucking know it seems like you learned a lot while you're there streets like you're like look you're like the husband of the president and I'm like What's going on? And all I can do is tell you like five eras. All right, I can tell you debut fearless reputation 1989 lover midnight she do this song. I can't tell you anything else My song is the sound of the screen doors kicking off right in front of your window And you're on the phone and you're talking real slow And that was-

And your mama don't know And your mama don't know Is that even Taylor Swift? I don't think that's Taylor Swift Dude it has to be I don't think that's- Is this a Mandela effect? My guess is Carrie Underwood

Oh shit Yeah this is not Taylor Swift Maybe it's Carrie Where's my Joy thing? Taylor Swift's famously not a country singer. She was country. I'm a little bit country. She's a bit country. I'm a little bit country.

She used to be country. She got a bit of twang in her debut. My guess is Carrie Underwood. I might be wrong. Slam of screaming doors. My song is way, laugh, fucking weird.

It is Taylor Swift. Eat my balls. Oh, whoa. Eat his balls. So anyway, it's called Our Song. So hold on. what song do they play like Elton

I'll carry on she's hoping for Cornelia Street and we're all trying to learn so I'm there with Tina and Ray who are not Swifties they don't understand it similar to us

but they're like chanting like drones they're like Cornelia Shooter kill ourselves Cornelia Shooter kill ourselves good friends

fall in line yes perfect that's a good drone and and taylor gets up there and she picks up her guitar and she starts playing she's like do do do do do and and and like by note 10 cutie starts melting she's like oh my god and and we're all like cornelia stream oh no and we're popping off and then and then taylor goes's like, death by a thousand cuts. And I'm like, that doesn't sound like Cornelius Tree because she didn't say it. And she's very plain with her naming. She never goes too crazy.

But Cutie's too busy singing. So we're kind of like, I don't know if we kill ourselves yet. Yeah, like whatever she does, we'll do. Yes. And I feel like a Koopa. I feel like I'm playing an RTS and I haven't been activated yet. So I'm just sitting there. Just doing your idle animation.

Yeah. And then my goon commander's done singing. And she's like, it wasn't Cornelia Street, but it was the second best song. It was a number six on the hammer. I'm like, great. Maybe this next one can be Cornelia Street. She's like, no, that one is on Lover. You're stupid.

Okay. Yeah. That's all. I want you to know that even from your second hand, maybe this next one can be Cornelia Street she's like no that one is on Lover you're stupid okay yeah I want you to know that even from your second hand of information that you've told us that was stupid to say

so it's basically impossible for her to get a seven yeah because she just hit a six and it's from the same album

yeah and then so Taylor goes to the piano she's like and she hits side B and she's like I love this song this is my favorite song

and she starts playing and she's like boom boom boom you this is my favorite song and she starts playing and she's like boom boom boom you're on your own kid and and then cutie i've never seen her pop off this hard before it was like it it was it was mango at double down pop off yeah and and we're like cornelia street and then and then she's like you're on your own kid and like she didn't say it it's not Cornelia Street. Have you to this day, have you heard that song yet? This song, Cornelia Street?

Yeah. I couldn't tell. I mean, I assume I would recognize it because I think she says it in the song. But I would not understand by like, you know. You weren't curious on the way home? Like, hey, can we play that song that she didn't play? She got a lot of songs. She got, no, I did not listen to Taylor on the way home.

My ears were pierced. I didn't wear earplugs. That hurt me. And you know what it turned out? It was a nine. She did the legendary. She played a song she'd already played. She nine hammered. She broke her own rule.

And she nine hammered at this concert. It sounds like there's not a rule. It was a rule up until this concert. And then she played Ruler by Nine Inch Nails. At our house, every night, Cutie would put on Taylor Swift because there's a guy who live streams taylor swift concerts in fact zipper you can pull this up right now it's on twitch no of course not he'll find three people who are like vertical live streaming on instagram or

tiktok he'll pull all three to make a 16.9 stream with multiple povs but one audio output and he'll have it on every night and have about 10,000 viewers rolling on the Eros tour. And he's done it in every concert. So like a fucking clock at 1045 when the Secret Song plays, Cutie will pull it up to see what song was played that night. She's on the deep web. And so she

never repeated throughout the whole thing up until LA, up until this concert. And she did it for Cutie Anders. Maybe she's like spelling something out with songs. That's what I'm saying. Or maybe if you played Taylor Swift backwards, I don't even want to say it. Well, okay. If you want to get fucking deep into it, this is the 19th city.

In the world. And the final concert date is in the America tour. It's the 19th city. And it's going to be on August 9th, 1989. Okay. Which means the next- Which is the devil's hour, maybe. This is like Radiohead for girls.

It is- Just say yes. I think Radiohead might be Taylor Swift for boys. Yeah, I think so too. She's so much more famous than that. Which is saying something. She's way famous. And you know what I thought about the whole concert?

Is she's not going to be famous in my lifetime. One time I messaged Ludwig because I flew out of John Wayne Airport, which is a funny airport because it's named after John Wayne. And I said, Ludwig, do you think you'll ever have an airport named after you? And he's like, no. I could hear his tone. I could hear his tone in the text message. he's like, no. I could hear his tone. I could hear his tone in the text message. That's a stupid question.

He's like, no. And then I was like, well, that's not ambitious. It's not ambitious at all. And now I'm thinking about it. I'm like, would Taylor have an airport named after her? Probably not. She'll have a street in Tennessee. Probably.

For a bit. And then they might rename it. They rename it to Hitler's Alley. Why would they? Oh, is this the guy? I think this is just somebody reacting to something else. This is just Evo. This is just Evo.

This is a live stream. It is crazy how many people are there. But yeah, what's weird is she will, in our lifetime most likely, be a washed up artist. You're saying she'll fill it up? I didn't say washed. She will be washed. You're saying she filled off? Why would she have filled off? Because she'll felled off? I didn't say washed. She will be washed. You're saying she felled off? Why won't she have felled off?

Because she'll get old and then she will stop making music and then the young people will not listen to her music. Misogynist. Real shit. This happened in our lifetime. Is there anybody that doesn't become washed? Did Johnny Cash felled off? Yes.

No. Actually. Literally. Maybe. Elvis felled off. These are just people that died. No, he died. Okay. Then I'll talk about a lot of people. Is Dine Felding off? Madonna felled off. No, he died. Then I'll talk about a lot of people.

Is dying felled off? Madonna felled off. Yeah. If you live long enough to become the fell off. Are we in a society where women can felled off? Yes to the first part. No to the second part. Where women have

a felled off point because the way we perceive the value of women he's not talking about we're willing to dispose i'm talking about general artists but i think women felled off faster than men at least in movies and acting for sure you're thinking women felled off faster than men yeah 100 unless they pivot to graceful old woman you heard it here here. Like Dame Judi Dench. Yes. Dude, Taylor Swift could become a dame. Because you have to pivot.

Because you have to be young and beautiful, and then you have to pivot to old, wise dame. That's not their problem. It's literally their problem. Do you think Adele felled off, and that's why you're beefing with her? I don't think Adele felled off. I'm beefing with her because that song she made,

where she goes, Around my hometown, May and Maurice. Because she says it weird. She says all of her shit. She says May and Maurice. You're mad at someone for saying a word weird? Yeah, like say it right. Oh, Mr. Ether Rum. Is it like a copyright issue? Like she's biting your shit? What do you mean Ether Rum? Ether Rum. No, on the rough. I'm from New Hampshire. New Hampshire is the most potent accent It's like the most correct

No it's Colorado You'd like to think that It's Colorado What? Yeah How the fuck would a westward bound city Be the correct accent? I'm sorry to think

It's California Every state That's true Cause I've heard this About Washington We have the cleanest accent Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah We have the cleanest accent Yeah, that'd mean Yang a right What the fuck did you just say to me? These are just old California terms You can't say that I must have missed that part What part of that was a California term?

Both Dude, do you guys know what salvia is? So we've been Zipper playing along at home Salvia is the one that lasts for like 10 minutes, right? It's like 5 minutes And it's like 5 minutes. Me and Miles went down this rabbit hole of just watching Salvia videos.

Salvia reaction. You and Miles in the past 2 days have been goon caves in Salvia videos. Maybe it's not good It's like what's it called? Pink Floyd? You can play them at the same time. They always line up. I don't know. miles just brings out the culture when he comes through

right and so we're watching these salvos and it's just it's just miserable because it's like it's a hallucinogenic thing that's legal in a lot of states and you smoke it and you just feel like existence being ripped apart by demons and it's miserable and it's just like you feel like you live underwater and like you become a cup and like the shadow people are telling you that this is forever and you'll never be the same all of all of this shit is just people being like yeah i did salvia and it was probably the worst thing i've ever subjected my human mind to ever and it's like you know two stars yeah but yeah we've just been watching those and it was crazy and he's just like

like bro you gotta like you gotta have the guys do salvia on the pod i'm like no is there anybody that is walking away from this experience positively so we found a guy yeah we found a guy i don't know the youtube channel but he's just like this guy who's like in his 40s he's got a gut and he always wears a purple shirt and he basically just reviews Salvia it's crazy bro and he'll just sit there he'll tell you what it's like he'll smoke it

and then he'll just be like and he's just like speaking to the shadow people I'm assuming in his mind that's fucking so cool he's really good at visiting the shadow people

and like being okay afterwards America is so dumb That's like that one tweet if like the spectral witch who which who's like I want to fight Allah This is the bro this is insane is insane. Is he British? No, he's just a guy. Why is he- He's not. Yeah, it's uh, it's shit like, it's like trying 10x salvia and then he puts it in his little wooden pipe. And that's just super chill to smoke salvia and post it on YouTube?

So there are parts later on in these videos, cause he's got- he's been doing this for like a year. Dude, he's just lighting up s- And he's like, I just cut this part cause YouTube doesn't like it so there are parts like i don't think this is one of them but like sometimes he'll cut him smoking yeah and here he goes how fast does it hit it takes like 30 seconds and he's meeting the shadow people right now yeah he's saying what's up to them again spawned into allah and he's like i'm not today he just sits there and faces it and then in this one he's like actually, this isn't hitting me too bad.

And he fucking rips it again. Dude, it's crazy. That is crazy. This video just came with his eyes closed. Yeah, but most videos you watch of Salvia is, there he goes again. Is this what PPFD was talking about when he kept making threads about shadowboxing? Yeah, him and Cactuar were just ripping Salvia in a dorm room. He has to do 1,000 Salvia trips to come back to Melee. Dude, him and Cactuar were just ripping salvia in a dorm room. He has to do 1,000

salvia trips to come back to melee. Dude, it's so fucked. And then he's got his mug and he's like, yeah, that's great. He's so chum after. Because most of these you watch, like people doing it on radio shows, they'll take, they'll hit it and then they'll just freak out. It's very scary. I wouldn't do that. I know.

I would do opium. I've been wanting to do opium. What? What a weeb. Why is that weeb? Because. It's like you just want Eastern things to do again. Opium trade was pushed by the Brits. Try pickleball. It's a Chinese game.

Because the British pushed it. Yeah. I don't know enough. I'm not in this. Opium war. He said weeaboo for a scourge that affected China that was brought to them by the British. My mind is on fire right now. I want to do opium because I think it took over the world for like a thousand years.

You want to see what the hype's about? There was two wars over opium. There's never been a weed war. They've never had a salvia showdown. Well, the drug war is considered a war right now. It's time yeah by bush 40 000 no not the war on drugs the drug war 40 000 subs on patreon we pop a couple oxy and we rip it up i just i want to know i want to do like old-fashioned pipe opium i don't because like opium is extracted into heroin you want to do heroin why don't we just do heroin then i just what do you mean i just want to do shit that's from the den. Why don't we just do heroin then? What do you mean?

I just want to do the shit that like a fucking ruler would be smoking on. You want to do what they were passing around at the Chinese brothels. Yes. In fucking in the 1800s. I want to do what they were doing when they were like, make that wall. Back when there were dynasties. What were they smoking when they wanted to make the wall? Not the same type. Really?

They made the wall over a thousand years. You don't think any of the people wanted to make the wall the same They made the wall over a thousand years Racist to not know when they When they finished it so long before the opium epidemic what do I just want to smoke on that dynasty patch? The Great Wall of China They worked on that On that wall for so long smoking opium and being like and when you guys build me into this shit His arm is stuck and he's like oh no I've been to it. I felt it and I was like yep finish that around

1500 you touched the wall China. Yeah, a couple times. I'm like yeah, it's a me two weeks Yeah, long it is fucking we times and he'd be like, yeah, it'd take me two weeks. Do you know how long it is? Fucking long. Dude, we would build that shit so fast today. We could easily mobilize. We'd gap them. Like us, like humanity? Yeah. I don't think so, bro.

We haven't been able to build a wall across fucking Mexico. We have three friends who are out there. It is the little squiggly building lines. Have that shit done in a week. They'd make it out of fucking particle board like them Ikea furnitures. 2,500 years. No, I want to know the year they finished it. That's how long it took? It took 2500 years.

Yeah, I want to know the year it was finished. I would tell you they were building it during the Opium Wars. I don't believe you. I would assume they did because that's a long time span. 220 BC date opened. That's day one. Wait, that doesn't make sense on the first day. When was the Great Wall of China finished?

The final construction was 1878. When were the opium wars? When were the opium wars? How late in the 1800s were they? I win this one so free. Dude, that's such a long dynasty. I win this one so free. I also didn't want to try to say the dynasty name.

It's Qing, right? I didn't want to try. I told you this. I don't know. Opium sales to China paid for the entire tea trade. That's a- people will call that early to mid 19th century. Alright well here's the thing we'll get you some opium, we'll tell your dad that you should be shamed. You do heroin.

I don't wanna do heroin. No one's doing heroin. No you're kidding us. We shouldn't do heroin. He's the one who wanted to do it. He wanted to do opium. Miles packed a fucking nicotine on the pod and people got enraged. Really? We cannot be talking about this. No we gotta- like two people got enraged. Really? We cannot be talking about this.

No one's going to do heroin on my watch. Is he packing a two dot or what? He's packing a two dot, three dot. That's tough. You know what? We got to take care of him, man. Miles? He's packing three dots, man.

He can't get a hold of it now. That is too much nicotine. Yeah. Kalen got a hold of some Norwegian shit. Fuck. It's really bad. It's called like mango habanero and it's like six got started listening to muse and shit Six dot yeah, I think I think he should try cutting cold turkey. What do you mean miles cutting what? He's not packing. Oh, he wasn't no he will he packs, but he can't get it now I'm not gonna go buy him.

He's not going to go to this corner store. That's fair. He's fine. If he can't get it, he can get it. Miles, if it's not in front of me, I'm not doing it. I was talking to Zipper. I'm trying to get some menthol crushes. You're going to try to get menthol crushes? I'm trying to smoke with Zipper and just go crazy. And Ryan.

Ryan smokes menthol crushes. Yeah, I'm trying to smoke with Zipper and Ryan and ride my bicycle without a helmet and show up late every time What is this? What do you what do you need this for trying to die young? Hmm you can do this the year man real easy all my favorite things including the last boy dinner Lethal crash to the brain I'm taking motorcycle classes. Why are we different now? Can you just finally admit?

Motorcycle classes? What do they do? You go like 40 miles an hour, then you brake as hard as you can or something? No. You like enter real life scenarios that will come up in the worst of times. That's pretty smart. But you do them in the best of times.

I like that because driving tests are like, you sit in the car and turn it on and then the guy's like, well done. And then you have your license now. Yeah. It's basically trying to correct how easy it was to get my license because I got it knowing generally how to ride the bike, but only in good time. Good time. So I'd like to be able to ride it on slick rain.

Really? Yeah. You didn't stubby. No, I failed? What did you do? I shouldn't have said that first. I should have said the other thing first because you guys aren't going to believe my explanation.

You didn't stubby. Yeah, I didn't study. I'll say that. Why did you fail? What did you do? I had this weird instructor. Oh, yeah. You didn't have your controller, right?

Instructor problem. Yeah, it was like the dash band was all fucked up. Was it cold? Come on. Okay, so there was a little bit was all fucked up. Was it cold? Come on. Okay, so there was a little bit left of a burger at the end of the test. You have to eat the rest of this Borgor to get your license. I don't want to fuck girls that bad. He said, no.

No, he just told me shit that's not true. Like what? He was like, you always put your hazards on when you parallel park. That's insane. And I was like, okay. And on my test, I did that. And I'm like, what are you doing? And I'm like, you always do this when you parallel park. Like what? He was like, you always put your hazards on when you parallel park. That's insane. And I was like, okay. And on my test, I did that. And like, what are you doing? And I'm like, you always do this when you parallel park.

He's like, no, you don't. And I was like, oh, turn it off. There was a couple other things I don't remember. But he said, oh, he said, don't go the speed limit on the highway. Go the flow of traffic speed. And I said, okay. So I sped on the highway. Oh, wow.

Because all the cars were going over the speed limit. I think you had a bad instructor. I think you're also dumb. Do you think that you were... Cookie from my brain. You were not... Poison cookie. It hurts.

My friend's able to... Did you not have intuition? I went to school. Ski. Now we're back. Hey, everyone. Thanks for... Now we're not at the end.

Hi. Can you just admit you're different? I'm not different. Can you just admit you're... You don't think you're different? I'm not different. You're a little different. Well, how different how?

How does it apparate? You're more curious. You're curious. Yeah, that's what it is. I'm curious. You're curious. Little George over there. Tell him that he's curious.

You're a little curious, George. Do you guys want to do a gun class? You ask more questions now. Why are you asking questions now? I don't really want to shoot a gun. Nope. You wouldn't want to shoot a gun? I don't want to shoot a gun.? You ask more questions now. Why are you asking questions? I don't really want to shoot a gun. You never shot a gun. Have you ever shot a gun? It's great fun. Outrageous fun.

You'll shoot with me? I'll shoot with you. Let's shoot on our fishing trip. Let's bring nothing but guns. Now I want to shoot a gun. I'm really jealous. It's me and you, two boats out in the lake with muskets. Oh.

And the loser, first to go down loses. Okay. It's like dueling muskets. So you can shoot the ship. It's boat warfare. No, but we're trying to shoot each other. Oh, so it's grimy to shoot the ship and have it sink? No, that's hype.

Can I show you guys a hot dog I ate? You may. Proceed. Can you Google puka dog I ate? You may. Proceed. Can you Google Pooka Dog? Oh, it's on the internet? Yeah. These are famous in Kauai. What?

I was just in Kauai. Pooka Dog. Yes, this is it. Dude, it's a really phallic, gross-looking hot dog that looks like it got cream-pied. That looks like what I'm going to do to Aiden's bottom taxidermied house. It's a hot dog with fruit. It's crazy. It looks like a dog stick for sure.

Yeah, they have diagrams. Is there a diagram? I don't get how it works. Okay, so it's a hot dog, but it's hollowed out like a fuck toy. And then they put a hot dog in it. But then they also put like mango relish and like a bunch of fruits in it and like habanero. And then it's just really good. This is why they say white people

shouldn't go to Hawaii. They don't say that. It's only white people in Hawaii. And Hawaiians. This is why they say it shouldn't be there. Well, white people are often thought to be... Where are you going with this? Proceed. How about you get a job in Arrow?

He said, yeah. It's better the second time. I swam in the ocean. Second time. I haven't done that. Really? Can you swim? What a mundane thing to do.

I'm afraid of the ocean. It was a big deal. Really? Can you swim? Yeah, I can swim. In general? I'm a good swimmer. I just don't like the ocean.

What is it like to swim, guys? You've been in water that requires swimming in the past ten years. Uh, no bitch When I just wanted to say it I just didn't know if it's true. Yeah. Well, you're wrong Do you wanna go to a pool together? I think me and Anthony will be the first of the group to know each other for ten years It'll take a while, but we'll be the first to get there. Whoa That's kind of cool, you'll stop it you'll keep do you think if i stared at your gaping asshole long enough i forget everything

it's like a spell if you're on salvia like it's for sure it's like defree if i'm on salvia and i'm staring at your gaped asshole it's like defragmenting my brain. And it just like, I just lose memories. But only if it does the full 100% loading. If somebody cuts it off before then, you're back. Yeah, I'm back. But the video file doesn't save. Yeah. I think it could work.

If you wanted to delete my memory, remember that's how you do it. Ownsen in Japan. Ownsen. Ownsen. I see your penis. You see mine. I'm saying you went in one. I've seen both of your penises.

Yes! You don't need to swim in an onsen. No, it's not swimming. Are you fucking kidding me? It's like swimming, but there's like 3 feet deep. Oh, you say swimmable water, you just mean like you're in a pool. Dude, I can't swim. If the water is deeper than I am tall, I cannot survive.

He sinned in the onsen, balls out. Balls out, with Aiden. I just want to throw you like a baby. I think that you can swim. I don't think it's, is it possible to be like a healthy adult who can't swim? Like totally. I don't,

I don't believe so. I think you could just paddle and you would just stay up. Yeah. Yeah. Is that count? Yes. Abby bagel said she'd teach me how to swim. And I'm like,

I'll never going to take it. I think swimming is a skill and like, I'm bad at swimming, but I can stay afloat and not die for an hour if I needed to. I can't tread water the way that they say you're supposed to, but I can tread water the bad way. That's what I'm saying. He can tread water.

Water is a mysterious thing to me, and I will never learn it. And you're different now, and I'm going to fuck the craziest shit out of your bottom half after you've passed. Jeez, man. And I'm proud of you for the movie. That is dark. Are you good? Are you going to put me in the cave?

It's not me. It's my mom. It's my bus. It's going to be real nice. I told you this in the chat, but a kid in Kauai came up to me and was like, is this you? And it was the picture of us doing You Laugh, You Lose. Wait, what do you mean? Like the really old old one the one that me and Neep one? That's the one he's room. He's saying he held the photo to me said is this you Wow?

It was like not like you're from the yard or whatever. No. No, he just asked me if this is me It was a picture from like five hours in this video. Are you the guy that fucked this one up? And then I don't think he would know that you're like no Are you the guy that fucked this one up? I don't think he would know that. You're like, no. Do you guys want to go to Paris? Gay Paris?

I'm going to Paris for like around 9-11. Are the dates changing? There's a celebration going on. No, it's around 9-11. It's before 9-11. Just to give context. We are celebrating the summer. Do you have family out there?

Yeah. My sister, my cousin. The cousin that I think most of you have met? Yeah. We? Yeah, let's some... Do you have family out there? Yeah. My sister, my cousin. The cousin that I think most of you have met? Yeah. We? Yeah, let's go to Paris. I'll fight your family. That's not what I want.

Is Paris fun? I like Paris. What do you do in gay Paris? Oh, fucking Sweden lover 345 walks into the room. It is interesting. He just likes walking on opposite sides of the street from people and not talking to him

apparently oh that's what you do in Paris that's what you do in Sweden in Paris you walk on the same attention

pickpocket attention he's from Romania look out if we all go you should follow around Aiden

to say he's a pickpocket that's a meme right now Oh really There's a guy Who's in Paris He's an American guy And he'll just Start talking to someone

He'll be like Hey where's the And then he'll like Answer him He'll be like Attention pickpocket And he's the Attention pickpocket guy

And people in Paris Will come up to him Cause he got so big Yeah and then he'll Like Parisians know him Be like Attention pickpocket And then he'll be like I don't know

We're talking about Yeah, yeah that works me freak Task force 117 this is a tough one hold on I think that when you are a goon, you don't say no. That's not bad. That's not bad. That was really expensive. That's what a French goon commander would say. You have a cigarette and a fucking ball.

You are a goon and alien and a fucking ball. This is getting worse. Yeah, it's getting hornier. What were you going to say about Paris? I was going to say there's a reason there isn't a Stockholm Syndrome, and then I realized that there totally is. You just said something that you were about to say something wrong. Yeah.

Kind of the opposite of the truth. Because I was like, Paris Syndrome, you know, famous. Famous for letting people down. Guess what they don't have. Paris is going to be great Because I can I can wheel and deal us Through the city Ah yes

It'll be our day It'll be like This is just a fucking fine It'll be our town Are we doing a Paris episode It'll be how he wishes He could be in Japan Yes

Like he went to Japan Thinking he's like Don't worry boys I got this But then I was like Um Doco desk 7-11 desk

We should do it at the Eiffel Tower And then we should Eiffel Tower each other We definitely could get a spot in front of the Eiffel Tower I think did you hear about that last thing finally did you hear what he wants to do with JP and LP? Who are Wow Jesus Christ? Logan Paul To rock his world yeah, he wants to get his world rocked Logan Paul. You don't know these things. Catch up. Catch up. You're stupid. You're slow. Take Paul.

Take Paul. He wants them to rock his world. Yeah, he wants to get his world rocked. Do you think that's great? Which one? I said both. JP, LP. Have you had a pick? Good question.

I guess we'll answer it on the pre-match. Save it for the pre-match. Save it for the pre-match. Let's see if it's LP turning you out which Paul brother will turn out my friend in real life go to the premium episode maybe you'll find out see you guys tomorrow

you guys actually see this the same day but we'll be doing it tomorrow shut up man Jake Paul's a hero