The Yard - Ep. 11 - Ludwig Can't Read

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

After a long and studious pilgrimage, ludwig returns from losing money to Mr. Beast with a renewed outlook on his career. Other topics discussed are micropenises, aimen and nick’s clouted adventure at a smash tournament, and ludwig learns he has a reading disorder.

Fresh dude refreshing taste feelings. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Okay, we're working on our G Fuel sponsorship, not our LaCroix. Oh, shout out. I've been working on it. Shout out to all new carbonated G Fuel. Sponsored by LaCroix. Yo, what is up? What's up? Welcome back to The Yard, episode 11. Maybe it's nine again.

Maybe it's just nine again. I remember now. Welcome, Yardigans. It's me, pablo the bear you are wearing my sponsored clothes that i got from taco bell so i you have a taco bell sponsorship i had one he had one over the weekend you know what's funny someone posted a clip i didn't show it on stream because it was a little hot but it's a year and a half ago us doing a you laugh you lose someone just put in a taco bell ad and we berated taco bell we specifically named yeah we said fuck you taco bell we named multiple competitors

and said try chipotle try mcdonald we did do that we did all of this in a direct contrast to them like posting the ad thinking it was like their marketing team trying to make a quick buck. They did, yeah. Well, no. Was it Taco Bell ad? It was. I watched the clip. It's disparaging.

No, no, because there's a YLYL where it's like a Taco Bell. No, it's progressive, maybe. Maybe. And it's basically cut with the wire where someone goes and shoots somebody in a car. No, this was literally just a Taco Bell ad. It was just Taco Bell, and we shat all over it. And we shat on Taco Bell and they didn't see that. We shill on our own time, not yours.

And we'll wear your leggings now. These are for girls and I like them because they're soft. We should put it in the video because I think it's really funny but we should bless God that that didn't come out because no shot they would have accepted me as a sponsor. Really? You don't think so? Oh, it's bad.

If anything, it's in the past. If anything that's better marketing, it's bygones. I do hate brands, but what I hate more is not knowing where to buy and trade cryptocurrency. Shout out to Coinbase. Coinbase! For supporting the art. More about that later. But boys, we haven't seen each other all week.

We've been apart, except for me and Aiden. So when they're made for women, there's no seam. You're still on there. They gave you women's Taco Bell leggings. Dude, they gave me youth small for everything. I looked like a clown. I don't know what they thought.

I looked like Winnie the Pooh with the shirt they gave me. Because it didn't fit all the way. My tummy was poking out. Yeah, that's why you look like Winnie the Pooh. I dropped, hey, hearts and chat you look like Winnie the Pooh. Hearts and chat for Ludwig, I dropped 10 pounds. Let's fucking go. I'm 190. I think I would have been 189 because I was 190.5 today, butt naked, no one was home.

And then I pooped, but I didn't weigh myself and I ate before I remembered. Shit. You replenished the poop meter. You put the poop back in your body. You weigh yourself in the morning right after pooping, never skinnier. You need to expel all of your fluids. You needish the poop meter. Yeah, you put the poop back in your body. You weigh yourself in the morning, right after pooping, never skinnier. You need to expel all of your fluids. You need a nut on the wall, shit on the wall.

Why would you nut on the wall? Do you think you lose weight if you cum? Wait, what? Like, do you lose weight if you cum? I mean, it's weight. On a literal level. Yeah, you lose some weight. Yes, of course. So I could drop to 189 if I just keep coming.

You're trying to crank one out. You also gain weight when you create cum. It's a really small window. He's already naked when he weighs up. Yeah, certainly, right? No, because everything's in you. You don't generate power like Goku. Where does it come from? Maybe you don't. It comes from fluids you drink.

Nick just does this and cum just makes his balls swell up. If I piss shit in cum, I'm going to drop five pounds. And that's the trifecta, ladies and gentlemen. New record. You hit your free square. The free square is just piss shit and cum. Cum is the free square. It's all guaranteed to happen.

That's true. And then it's like sponsored by coinbase on the top of the top of my subreddit was like uh ludwig viewer and it was like they're like smiling and all happy and then it's like uh the yard experience and then it's it's it's the image of you during the coinbase commercials an old man farting and it's like piss shit come and it's me horrified because it's just so jarringly different or maybe not different but aggressive. Ludwig After Dark. Yeah, that's what I was telling him. It's like Ninja After Dark but instead of just saying fucky wucky and then doing the same thing, it's actually a step farther.

Does Ninja say fucky wucky? Yeah, he says you tanked the fucky wucky spell in Final Fantasy. Oh, you thought his brawless wife was for the daytime children? You don't remember this? No, no, no, Aiden. His brawless wife comes in, and she's just flopping around. During the day, he says, my wife in armor. Don't talk about Jessica that way, dude.

PeakNinj, he streamed like eight hours a day, but then he'd stream at night sometimes, and he'd call it after dark, and he would just swear. That's the only difference. Oh, really? Nothing changed. He would just say whatever. Adult swim ninja. That's like when difference. Oh, really? Nothing changed. He would just say swear words. Adult swim. That's like when you accidentally wake up at 2

a.m. as a kid and like Roseanne is on and you're like Dude! I watch it. Do you ever watch HBO, fall asleep watching some movie and wake up to softcore porn? No. No. I would go to sleep after watching softcore porn. As a kid? Yeah. That's crazy. Don't act

like you're a fucking physical weapon no no no my dad to the porn he goes nah i'm kidding for real life what i meant my dad at hbo and this was before i learned how to beat off yeah and it was i was like eight or nine teen it was the same summer that i very nice it was the same summer that American Pie came out, and I believe that Ocarina of Time came out. Two very similar pieces of media. You are so old. So I couldn't decide what to beat off to. There's like that hot hammerhead shark girl in Ocarina of Time.

The Goron who makes your sword, his head looks kind of like a pussy. You guys are attracted to different creatures in that game, to be clear. He's talking about someone very different than you. I'm the opponent way and either way i'm staying at my dad's place he watches me for the summer and uh he basically it was just like small studio apartment and i i would go and take a shit in the bathroom and uh one day i looked inside of the the drawer you said it like a ritual and i would go and take a shit in the bathroom, as I always did. Yeah. Because it's like, sometimes you don't.

Tell me about it, brother. And so I opened the drawer right next to the toilet, and it's full of, like, nudie mags. He had Hustlers and Playboys. And so this is what my dad beat his shit to. And I was, again, eight or nine. It was the summer American Pie came out. And I'm like, I would go in the bathroom, and I would. It was the summer America pod came out and I'm like, I would go in the bathroom and I would just be in there for like an hour,

like pretending I was pooping. And I would just be looking at like a fucking highlights magazine. This is like a student. It's like, no, it was a one bedroom apartment. Like he has, I,

I just, he knows I'm in there. Right. He's like watching TV, watching sports and stuff. And I'm just like in the bathroom for an hour, completely silent. Wow.

The market, wow, that's crazy. Hey, Dad, did you see the NASDAQ? On these titties? The shit in Gaza? That shit's crazy. Want to know something similar that I did? It was, so, this is actually funny. My dad died, and then...

It was, so, this is actually funny. My dad died, and then... Now that's crazy. That's my new dance move. Love alcoholism. Sponsored by Michelob Ultra. How did he die? How alcoholic was he? After he died,

my mom didn't touch his shit for like years, right? And he died when I was 10. I was like 15, I think. And then one day my mom wasn't home because she worked teacher and she worked farther away.

So I'd be home for like 45 minutes by myself. And I was snooping around his shit. And I found like this cool Donald Duck book in his dresser because she never touched it. And I found condoms. You know, the whole combo. And this is crazy.

This was the first condom I ever used. Not to have sex because it was well expired. But to try. That was the reason. That's why. That was the reason. why I was the road No, it's literally said expired like there are all these women using it Fucking feel if it wasn't expired I had like women lined up. Yeah, it would the question was how many colors

I love imagine. Do I got Ludwig as a kid and he's, sweet, a condom. Ah, it's expired. Shit. Better not use this one. I went through five condoms trying to figure out how they work. How did you put them on? I don't know. I was just trying to figure it out. The first two he thought were gloves, and then he didn't really see how that could work. Yeah.

He ate one. Not the right way. It's not an easy thing to figure out as a docile teenager. Well, did you not learn, like, the videos? There's instructions, aren't there? Wait, wait. Your dad had condoms. Yeah.

Was your dad fucking cheating on your mom, dude? He was fucking my mom. Whoa. With condoms? That's so cool. With condoms? Yeah, I guess, yeah. If you don't want a kid.

I feel like you accidentally unearthed the dark secret in your family line. I think a condom in a dresser next to my bed. How long ago did it expire? Yeah. Was it in the 80s or was it last week? I don't remember. Text your sister. You're making it weird like you do sometimes because you love to make shit weird,

but this is just normal condoms in a dresser. We need to get to the bottom of this. Frankly. I have a confession. Me and your father were having sex. That would be such a felony. I'm farming the YouTube title. So your dad was also a pedophile. Do you think that's a good YouTube title?

One week's dad was cheating on his mom. This is like a Jerry Springer episode not a YouTube title. You got zero brains for YouTube. Wait, Jerry Springer's popular, or was. Jerry Springer was YouTube first before YouTube. All right, Boomer. All right, Boomer.

Jerry Springer. What? Yardigans. Okay, yeah, yeah. All right. Speaking of Yardigans, I haven't chatted with you guys about this You guys went off to an adventure this weekend together Was it romantic?

No Okay Well that was a quick no I was gonna say no Yeah I would hope I'm glad we agree I'm glad we agree

I went to bed early Every night Oh my god Aiden was a fucking old man Yeah The whole trip He's like alright 9pm time to go to the room and sleep.

I like how you think of Aiden checking his watch. He's got an inside watch. Yeah. The cringiest watch, the inside watch. Dude, you have an inside watch. No, but it's quicker because this is natural. Yeah. 100%.

And you make fun of him for it, and he's like, yeah. And then later on alone, he starts thinking, he's like, should I have it on the other side? That's what he does unironically with his phone book phone case. Yeah. Where his phone case is just an actual book. And it says book book on the spine. Yeah. I'm nude right now.

You are nude. You've changed. But yeah, Riptide Smash Tournament in Ohio was full of adventures. So many viewers of the yard. Way more than I expected. Best interaction, worst interaction? Best interaction. Rate every fan on a scale.

And name them and then tell us if they're a pagey. Got it. A lot of them, almost everyone I met mentioned being in the Patreon or bonus shows. A lot of people talked about being in the Patreon. A lot of them were pageys. Are Yardigans our Patreon viewers or are all of our viewers? Yardigans are those who subscribe to the philosophy of the Yard. I see.

Yeah. Just Yard watchers, listeners. No, they don't have to watch even. Speaking of which, did you guys see that Unwoken yard? That piece of art that they drew us all as yardigans? Yeah. That was fire.

Shout out. And they drew it with the person next to you, so it was me and Uniqua. Yeah, it was tight. There was one person I met who, a phenomena that I experienced many times was I'd be playing melee with someone who I didn't know was a

yard listener and then like right when I was like about to leave the setup they would tell me but this person I was playing with him for a while and then they started they just

naturally brought it up while we were playing and he was like I don't remember his name but he was like I'm just trying to imagine how they naturally brought it up

like damn that combo is good. Were you episode 9? With a combo of 8 into 9? He's like playing, he's like, oh man, that was a sick zero to death.

Shingle boy! Shingle boy! He says, that was sick, let me call the police. To all their credit, not one shingles joke was made to my face. No, there was one.

There was one. Not to my face. Not to your face. He was drunk as shit. It was kind of to his face. He was yelling at someone on the stage, and then someone said, like, don't touch him.

He has shingles. And then Aiden went over and lifted up his shirt and said, it's gone. Do you remember this? Oh, I do remember this. He grabbed his face and brought it in. I do remember. And he said, you won't get shingles.

I remember lifting up my shirt and being like, it's not there anymore. I was fucked up that day. What's funny is if you pulled your shirt, there's still a mark. It is still there. Yeah. No, it's not shingles.

It's just a mark. Are you ready? Are you ready to lick it? It's from... No, I wouldn't. Hell no. I wouldn't lick that shit. You wouldn't lick it?

It's been gone for months. I'll lick your shingles. Huh? I'll lick it. Do it right now. Isn't shingles of the throat much worse? Go just say that. Yeah, do it.

Do it. Do it. Go on. Do it. Do it. I'm the one that kissed you yesterday. You didn't kiss... the camera open the camera All right for the audio listeners slime is getting up his tongue is moving in here come here comes the airplane

It's just like a small mark I have a fucking back injury right now. It's actually why I didn't go. It's like my life sucks. I've had a cold for a week. No, no, no. I'm not wearing my skate shoes. My life already sucks. I can't kickflip in these. My mom said I have to be home soon. Because I'm like half a person.

I really want to play spin the bottle, but I have to go home. My mom's texting me. I'm in trouble. And if I get Aiden's brain shingles because I licked it, then you know what? I don't want to go for it. Yeah, so Aiden got roasted by that guy, which was pretty funny.

But the guy I was playing with, we were not talking about anything remotely similar to this, but then he brought up the art and he was like, yeah, my girlfriend is in love with slime. And I was like, that's funny. Like, yeah, blah, blah, blah.

And he's like, no, my girlfriend's in love with slime. And I was like, what? And he's like, slime is my girlfriend's celebrity one time. And I said, what? And then he goes, he's, like, laughing. He's like, yeah. He's like, my girlfriend wants to fuck slime.

Dude, that is, okay, if your girlfriend brings up slime, that's, like, that's too, I'm not going to say realistic, but it's, like, too human of a human. You know what I mean? That's like that's too. I'm not gonna say realistic, but it's like too human of a human I mean it is you have to be so far down the barrel of celebrity one times for this Said like the barista at Starbucks He even went as far to say as and she went out she goes out of her way to say how she doesn't find like Ludwig To be handsome, but she like loves slime i'm fine with that by the way i'm unoffended by that about me so i say what naturally any of us would say

i say what does your mom think about me i say your girlfriend doesn't exist she's not she's not real and he goes bet and he calls her and i speak to her no fucking way so i i'm talking to his girlfriend on the phone and i'm like hello and she And she's like, it's, it's, uh, you know, sounds like a girl. And, uh, she's like, hi. And I'm like, so is everything that I've heard true? She's like laughing and she's like, yes. And I'm like, that's insane. I'm like, how's your night been going?

She's like, good. I'm like, she's like, how's yours? And I'm like, it was all right until now. She's making like a jigsaw trap. And so I'm like, well, very nice meeting you. You're crazy. But that that's it I hung up and then he's just laughing his ass off And I'm like it's crazy I'm like have you re-evaluated things

You messaged me it was Saturday This guy I'm playing melee with His girlfriend wants to make love to you He told me this And I just replied like a half hour later Damn that is super weird and cringe. And then he said, yeah, I don't know. He told me you were her celebrity one time. And I said, El Mefio,

Jesus Christ. The bottom of the one-time barrel. So what did this guy look like? Totally normal. Totally normal, cool looking dude. Very nice. Very fun to play Melee with. He played Luigi. So that is important.

I mean, I've met cool Luigi players. There are some cool Luigi players. But he said he was trying... Name one, Mikey. Luigi kid. He was trying to switch to Falco. So he played Falco for half the time. He's like, I'm trying to play this.

Trying so his girlfriend doesn't fucking leave him for slime. I can laser. I can double laser. He's like, my girlfriend really wants me to play Falcon and Falco, so I'm picking them up. Someone should have shaved my head. Yeah, that's nuts. I don't think I should count as a celebrity one-time pass.

Wait, why? Is that crazy to say? What are you talking about? What does that mean? I think a celebrity one-time pass should be a human who is so impossible to speak to. Oh, you're saying it should be like George Clooney. Yeah, it should be like an unattainable. I thought you were saying he should count, but you shouldn't.

No, no, I'm saying like, yeah, like we are too real of humans. No, you are. No. You have an M on Twitter. You have an M, you stupid fuck. You're in the M club. You're impossible for people to reach and acquire. What does that mean?

Don't do that. You're so stupid. Don't do this. So to so stupid. Don't do this. So to all my one-timers out there. What's up? Dude, if Ludwig was actually an actor, like a movie star, he'd be like, yeah, I don't know. I'm just like a guy, you know?

And I don't think that I should be a celebrity one time. Like, you are in your own bubble. And you're just like, this is the world. That's how the world is. You guys are making me feel great. But I'm also like an F-lister. Yeah, but in what world? In the world. In the world of world is. You guys are making me feel great, but I'm also like an F-lister. Yeah, but in what world? In the world. In the world of

celebrities? Oh, Disneyland. You go to Disneyland and it's a fucking fiesta. Don't do that to yourself. You're a C-lister. No. Shut up. Okay, fine. What is Ninja? Is he an A-list? Not anymore. No, Ninja's He's not feeling down. He's falling down. Yeah, but he is way

way way way more popular. What's falling down. Yeah, but he is way, way, way, way more popular. What about Pewds? Yeah, what about PewDiePie? Pewds is... He's not A. He's like B. He's B? He's not a B.

Okay. There is a problem with the way we are scaling and measuring notoriety, okay? We're looking at this in the world view. Where is Justin Long? He's like an A-list celebrity. He's A? No, not anymore. Oh, no. You think... Yeah, A-list celebrity. He's A? No, not anymore. At the scale, that changes.

That's true. I bet more people want to fuck PewDiePie than Justin Long. No, because more people know who Justin Long is. I don't think that's true. Deadass. Dude, he was in movies. Yeah, but PewDiePie was like a meme and the biggest guy on YouTube. PewDiePie's been around for a decade.

He has 110 million subscribers. I would quicker entertain the argument that more people have seen him and could recognize him, but people don't know his name. We can figure this out. Justin Long was in movies. Hold up. Zipper. Google Trends, Justin Long, PewDiePie.

Right now. 2004 to current. And it'll show you their averages and their spikes, and you'll see who had the higher spike, who's the more Google search. Who is researching Justin Long? My mom knows who PewDiePie is. She does not know who Justin Long is. No, but if she saw a picture of him, she'd be like, oh, him!

It'd be like one of those people. No, but that's the whole... You have to know who they are for them to be your celebrity crush that you want to follow. Is that true? Yeah. Dude, it's not close. But that one spike, though? What year was that? This is when he was in Looper.

We're looking at the trends on Google from 2004 to present. Justin Long had one spike in 2012. And then PewDiePie has demolished him since, although PewDiePie's fallen off. I mean, oh, how he has. Yeah. Does he make videos still? I guess it's hard. Like, if you watch

PewDiePie as a 13-year-old and then you become a 23-year-old, what are you watching? Not Pew? I think he's self-proclaimed retired because he, like, doesn't daily upload. Like, he'll upload less frequently. What happens when your viewers get older? Instead of government-proclaimed retired. They get older. They watch The Yard. They watch The Yard.

Oh, we're the graduation? Oh, shit. Dude, we're the college to your baby preschool. We need a third project so that when they're like really old, they got something.

Yeah, it's just aiming to give them prostate exams because they're fucking boomers. Yeah. Or like some sort of investment class.

Yeah. We'll do like a Tai Lopez. I've been watching a lot of Vice News lately. We could talk about that. Yeah, you go to bed at 8.30 and you watch Vice News? And you have your boomer glasses on.

You're different now. I was talking to him. He's like, yeah, I woke up at 6 a.m. and I went to the grocery store. I made myself some breakfast. I made myself some coffee. I've already had a few cups. I'm good today.

I watched a whole documentary about the financial crisis this morning. You could just watch the big short. What? Again. What happened in Ohio ohio what changed ben bernanke has a lot of interesting things to say okay and you don't take me seriously you watched like one sigma grind set video you're a different human i do feel like you're very impressionable uh amen uh when the beau burnham special came out he changed his tag on slippy to a reference from that special.

Yeah. And then changed it back really fast. And then sometimes he would just sit in his room by himself playing the xylophone quietly. Eamon's the kind of guy who watches a breakdance movie and he's just like, I could do it. He starts shuffling with the long pants. Yeah, he's like, I could try it out.

Circling back, there wasn't really any lowlights of Riptide that I remember. No bad experiences? I didn't have any fan experiences that were bad that I can remember. A really positive experience that we had was on the last day, we didn't realize that because we live in LA, that in Sandusky, Ohio, you can't just get an Uber. Okay, but there was more to it. We slowly discovered this.

There is not any U run in Sandusky. There is a woman who runs an Uber cartel. Yeah. Yeah. Controls all the Ubers in Sandusky. Yeah. And she will find out she has some sort of app, like a third party app where she tracks other drivers.

So when new people join Uber to drive in the sandusky area she finds them what in an area where they're waiting to go talk to them and then she introduces herself as like the uber pimp of sandusky yeah and you have to join her like posse of uber drivers so that she can control like the market and the times that everybody works at and this guy comes up to us this is after this is after we get a ride to the airport this guy comes up to us he's like you got you guys still you guys still looking for a ride and we're like uh no we kind of like figured something out and uh he's like well if you need one you can call this phone number i don't know if you guys know about, like, the lore.

And she, instead of calling an Uber on the app, you call this woman on a phone, and then she rallies one of her Uber whores to you. Wait, is it through the, is it through the, because she just runs a taxi service. It's not through the app. Is it through Uber? Okay. She just runs a taxi business. But she, but using the Uber driver. Yes.

So when you go on the app, like we did, there's no drivers. We could not get an Uber. And then they load in through Uber, it sounds like. I guess so that Uber doesn't get their cut. Is that why? Nobody is searching as a driver on Uber until she gives the okay. And this is happening in Sandusky, Ohio. So me and Aiden are trying to leave Sandusky, Ohio.

And I go, oh, well, I'll just check Uber. Open Uber. No cars available. I've literally never seen it say that unless it's 4 a.m. like in the desert. Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, well, I'll just do Lyft. Go to Lyft. No cars available. And I'm like, holy shit, they have a stranglehold on the fucking market.

So we go to the lobby because there's like shuttles that are leaving from the main lobby to the airport. And we're like, what time does the shuttle leave? And it was like

way too late for us. And we didn't purchase it. It was shuttle leave? And it was, like, way too late for us. And we didn't purchase it. It was this whole thing. We weren't going to make our flight on time. So we're like, fuck, what do we do? And we call all the people at the event that we personally knew, like our friends. And we were like, anyone have a car? It wouldn't take us.

No one could. They already left. Whatever. So I was like, are we here? Are we there yet? Can I make a tweet and solve this problem? Are we clouded like this? Dude,

I have been there since the first slime video came out. It's not hard at a Smash tournament to be like, yeah, I need a ride. Me and Aiden don't have experience with this thing. It's Baby's first ride to the airport. So I tweet out, can someone give me and Aiden a ride to the airport? And before the tweet says one minute posted, a guy replied, I'll take you.

And I was like, oh shit. Shout out to Zane. And also shout out to... I love his Marth. He showed up. Also shout out to Tiavis who was also in the car. I love his T. And Kobali. That was their guy's name. Oh, the tags. Tiavis, one of my Twitch viewers.

No, he was great. Well, I met him. He was great. I liked him. And he gave us a ride to the airport and it was super fucking clutch. No, he was annoying. Well, I met him. He was great. Well, I liked him. And he gave us a ride to the airport. And it was super fucking clutch. Dude, I'm still blown away about this woman. What's her name? No, don't say it.

Don't say it. We will get our legs cut off by a chainsaw. Dude, I would love to see like a Vice documentary on this. You know what I mean? It's hype. Like the stranglehold on Uber in small cities. I think I'm rooting for her over Uber. Although it sounded inconvenient for this one specific event. Because we don't have the number.

Yeah. Yeah, we didn't know. If you're a local, I think it probably is better because I imagine they can just cut Uber's piece of the pie and then not charge exorbitantly. Yeah, dude. Okay, so there is a thing that happens with, like, services that will, like, you know, provide a platform to find other people

to buy and sell services, and you can undercut it by just, like, not using it. Yeah. And it's, I think, a really big problem, but these people have taken it to the extreme and have probably ended up chopping the heads off of other cab drivers. Yeah.

I think that's hype. You do? Mm-hmm. Show your drivers. Yeah. I think that's hype. You do. Show your work. No, I don't have to. Cutting off heads is hype. She's walking around fighting Uber drivers and they're expecting to pick someone up and then she emerges from the shadows. She's like a 45

year old woman. What if she's taking so much of the pie? What if these people are like, what if they're in trouble on with it? Are you saying what if this woman is more unethical than Uber? There's no shot. Uber has spent a hundred million dollars for the state of California

to not treat their workers better. Uber is fucked up, but also if you're running an underground ride share It's better than Uber. Guaranteed. I bet you she fights pitbulls. Pitbulls? Yeah. Like pitbull fights pit bulls. Pit bulls? Yeah. Like pit bull or pit bulls.

You are being a simp to Uber right now. I'm not being a simp to a corporation. I'm just saying I've watched a lot of drug shows. I watch Hassan and Eat the Rich. We should eat the rich. Do you want to eat the rich tonight? What if we ate the rich? We'd have to all eat lunch.

While you're at it, eat our content up on Patreon. If you're not already in there, you can support us by going to patreon.com slash the yard. We have a lot of tiers, a lot of cool content in there. Go check it out. Every day, it gets a little closer to you guys making Nick get a tattoo. Yeah. Oh, God. What are we at right now?

It's high. We're over 6,000. It's high. Oh, damn. That's really high. When I said the tattoo comment, we were at 5,000. That's true. Not close to 6,000. Yeesh, man. It's hot. Oh, my God. Oh, damn. That's really hot. When I said the tattoo comment, we were at 5,000. That's true. Like, not close to 6,000.

We were, like, low 5,000. Yeah, halfway. That's really funny. So, yeah, that's coming up for sure a little sooner than I maybe thought that that would arrive. We'll see if little baby Nick gets a tattoo. And they get to pick what it is. They get to pick what it is.

I'm trying to think. Is there anything I think we're talking about? I think since we have so much depraved shit we make them listen to, it should be the depraved, like just the word cum. I like the word cum. It's cool. Thoughts? What about sperm?

My mom would love that. Sperm, the verb. Semen. What if it's a dictionary excerpt that says sperm and it's like, oh, it's sperm. I got it. I got it. I cummed myself. I got it. I got it. I come to myself. I got the idea of all ideas.

It's spermed, but apostrophe D and it's in the punked. Yeah. Yep. That's fire. That's it. If you gave me four more seconds, I would have arrived there. Yeah. Show your work along the way.

Yeah. I don't think there was any. It was. I think it was just really surreal after being sort of in the time vacuum of quarantine and coming out the other side and going to an event. This dude says coming out the other side, one of you two is getting COVID. That's what I was going to say. You guys have COVID.

I feel great. There was a tweet today after this event that said breakout case confirmed. One person has been confirmed to have gotten COVID from Chicago. Which means someone had COVID in that building. And there was rumored, not confirmed, and it was confirmed as a rumor that wasn't real, that people had gay sex in a hotel room at Riptide. Wait, so was it real or not real? It wasn't real.

It was a rumor. The way you worded it made me confused-er. And that's the news. Relax, Philly D. It's news time! There was one guy who was walking down the hall. This is at 4.30 a.m. I'm sort of just perusing the venue because I wasn't tired.

We had just finished playing Mario Party with Kony, which was a great time. At one point, I had taken Kony's controller and put it on the ground and kick flipped it uh a new bit very good new bit yeah um so i'm walking on the venue i eventually sit down on this couch like check my phone this guy walks by and uh i i think he's drunk i can't really tell but he walks by and he does like a startled like i take a back and he looks at me and goes you're aiden and i had to look at him and go. And you said there's no bad experiences. I looked at him.

Oh, I guess this is the worst one. But it wasn't even that bad. I looked at him. I'm like, nope. And then he like attempted to apologize. But it took like a minute. And then he just left. And I was like, I should go back to the room and go to bed.

So true. Yeah. He could have been running the show for a bit. That's too late to be up. You know, I haven't, as much acid as I spit, I haven't really had any bad fan experiences either. I know I'm like the scary guy. Yeah. But it really isn't like, in person,

no one talks that good shit, so I don't talk it back. You know what I mean? Dude, want to hear an interaction I had? Yeah. So I'm hanging out this weekend with Mr. Beast and Moist Critical. shit so I don't talk it back. You know what I mean? Everyone's pretty normal. Dude, want to hear an interaction I had? I'm hanging out this weekend with Mr. Beast and Moist Critical and we're at a restaurant and it's actually me, Charlie, and Carl Jacobs.

We're all showing each other our bank accounts and talking about who's the coolest. Me, Charlie, Carl, Jenny. But in the car on the way to coffee this morning that's basically what they talked about. He like summarized like what the weekend was like. Wait. How did you log into your podcast?

Hold up. First of all, I am under NDA. Okay. I signed an NDA before I go. So I can't reveal that much. Wait. An NDA on what? The dinner?

No. The hangout? I'm going to hang out with Mr. Beast. Oh, really? I'm going to sign an NDA. That's Oh, really? He makes people sign an NDA. That's hype. Yeah. We need to start doing that.

Just for whatever. Yeah. Just sign an NDA in the morning. I want Aiden to sign an NDA at our job. Yeah. And then he breaks it and we sue the shit out of him. He can't talk about any of your farts. No.

I want Aiden to sign an NBA so maybe he doesn't get crossed up by Leffen next time. What's up? What's up? What happened, bro? We're at the restaurant. It's me, Carl, and Charlie, and I'm the smallest streamer, YouTuber, whatever,

by far. And this whole weekend, people have been going up to Carl and MrBeast and no one knows who I am. Yeah, you're basically a little micro-penis in like a big,

a nice three, like a sea cucumber meeting. No, it was cool to see what it's like to be you. What was that analogy? That's a thing, an idiom. You're like a micro-penis in a sea cucumber thing. see what it's like to be you. What was that analogy? That's a thing, an idiom. You're like a micro-penis in a sea cucumber thing. They say it's like a southern thing. Why'd you say

me and not these two jimokers? You just called me a micro-penis. So we're at this dinner table and one of Charlie's friends is there and this guy walks up and he goes, dude you're Danny from Moist Critical's channel. And Danny's there Danny's there And this guy walks up and he goes, dude, you're Danny from Moist Criticals Channel. And Danny's there.

Danny's there. And he's looking at Charlie across him. And he's like, yeah, he's right there. And the guy turns and he's like, whoa. And then Charlie, because he's such a goon, he's like, the guy's talking a bit And he's like you want a picture man and the guy's Like yeah yeah and he goes hey you know That guy is and he points at me and the guy Looks at me and he's like

No Everyone just roasts So good And I was like yeah man I just do Camera up I'm behind the scenes here Bro don't count for a celebrity a little baby beer. I'm behind the scenes here, bro. Maybe you don't count for a celebrity.

Dude, I'm telling you, I'm not. You guys are trying to fucking act like- Wait, does Mr. Beast count? As a celebrity? Yeah. Yeah.

Like some weird, strange woman with her strange, weird husband. I saw a guy at the airport who was not affiliated with the tournament we were going to.

A kid who was wearing Mr. Beast merch. Dude, Mr. Beast is like so well-known. I think he's like probably the biggest YouTuber. One thing, a kid who was wearing Mr. Beast merch. Dude, Mr. Beast is, like, so well-known. I think he's, like, probably the biggest YouTuber. One thing, last thing about Riptide, there was so many Ludwig hoodies. Really?

It was like a sea of Ludwig hoodies. I love that. A lot of mogul merch. I'm proud of you. I would actually argue there was no direction of the venue you could look in where you wouldn't see people wearing them. Fuck. Yeah.

Damn, if I was there, I would have been, I should have gone there. Almost. I fucked up. direction of the venue you could look in where you wouldn't see people wearing them yeah damn a lot of i was there i would have been i should have gone there almost i fucked up a little place where i was a megalol everyone roasted me for not getting recognized shorter than everybody i go there i basically go to like ludwig kahn because i was just wearing my hoodies i'm like this really is like everyone kind of stepping on the next stair right you guys You guys go to your tournament. You get fucking recognized everywhere. Ludwig goes and he hangs out with the big dogs, Micropenis. I sleep on the floor

for 14 hours. But like a little bit higher on the elevation, you know, the floor like upstairs. It's a little higher this time. Yeah, I didn't go anywhere. It was mostly the lavender hoodies. I saw a couple lavender shirts. New ones. And then I saw some of the classic mint

they brought that new drip out alright that's pretty hype yeah it was very hype but yeah that was a funny experience I had dude that happened at fucking when we went to the Logan Paul fight like with me what happened?

is because like someone would stop the whole gang oh dude at Dunkin Donuts? which was no it was that was funny too that was at Dunkin but this happened actually at the place yeah it was stop the whole game. Oh, dude, at Dunkin' Donuts? Which was, no. That was funny too. That was at Dunkin', but this happened actually at the place.

Yeah. It was like the whole squad that was there is like you, Wilnef, Hasan, Amaranth, the Betezes, and someone else. This is like mostly, yeah. And Ludwig Anders, and I'm there. And I'm just like, okay. And this dude, some guy, he comes up to Ludwig.

He's like, oh, can i get up can i get a picture he's like yeah sure but he just smiles at me and he's like he'll take it and then the the fucked up part is that the guy recognized me and i was like oh yeah you want me to take the beat he's like oh no i'll get one with you too after and i'm like no dude i don't and then he dm'd me later on he He's like, hey, really sorry about that. Like, stop. I had a guy who asked me to take a picture of him and his girlfriend because I was the closest person to him.

But then upon realizing who he asked, then asked to take a photo with them too. He's punch her in the face. He was like. He runs over to you. He was like, can you take a. And then he had to process for a second. Can I take a picture with you? But then can you take a picture of us? It was like, it you take a... Oh. And then he had to process for a second. Can I take a picture with you? But then can you take a picture of us?

It was funny. Yeah. Well, welcome, boys, to being niche micro internet celebrities. I think in the context of a Smash tournament, it's fun. But I don't think I would want it in the context of... You know what means you're a celebrity? If you go fly to Beijing and someone recognizes you. That's real shit.

That's real shit. And that's what happens with Justin Lowe. And that's what I'm arguing. Probably. No. Movies get translated. Die hard? What's the word when movies get changed into a different language?

Dubbed. They get, well, yeah. Localized? Localized. Movies get localized in China, and those actors are viewed by the Chinese citizenship. Yeah. And that means Justin Long, someone has seen Dodgeball.

I don't know if Dodgeball's the movie, but definitely Die Hard. Definitely Die Hard. And PewDiePie's definitely known as well in China. There's no shot Justin Long gets stopped in the streets of Shanghai. Someone would recognize him. For sure.

I agree. I think that's probably right. The internet is illegal there, so Ludwig is not showing up at all i'm not there at all you can blend into why this week we're launching ludwig on billy billy mr beast will be there he launched his channel he's shown me it's no way on espanol and it's just his videos dubbed in sp Like 5 million, 10 million views a video and it's just like,

it's like, it's just literally dubbed. The money printing machine has started. And he could just, he could just do it in Chinese, post it on Billy Billy. This is what,

this is what blew my mind with him too. I was like watching, it was after you brought it up on the last episode and I went to go watch his most recent two videos and then I look

and there's a link to his gaming channel. So I click on that his normal channel is doing insane numbers like he gets like 30 million views plus a video his gaming channel does like 10 to 15 million views a video yeah and i studied his thumbnails i i cannot believe that someone has reached that level of success on the platform. I was talking to him. He's like, yeah, I'm basically hemorrhaging all my money on the main channel.

Because obviously, he's giving away 500K for a video. He's not fucking around with the amount he's giving away. Not including production. He's renting out stadiums, all that. I asked you, how many slimes does he have? He has like, I don't know how many employees he has. Slimes on slimes on how many slimes? He has like a whole entire thing.

The answer is zero because you can't replace slime. No, he has like eight people for you. And they're professionally trained. I was making this joke on stream, but the funny thing is like, we would be doing something random, like setting up the stream for poker and be like, hold up, I'm going to call this poker guy. He sets up poker streams. And then that guy would show up. And then like later on, you know, we would be like hold up I'm gonna call this poker guy he sets a poker streams and then that guy would show up and then like later on you know we would be like uh getting food to

be like hold up I'll call the chef he would have like a guy for everything and then I was thinking I was like I would just have to call slime for all of this and some of it he would be bad at and then complain yeah dude I can't set up you should have called me yesterday You should have told me earlier It's so much easier to get a heads up Let me tell you, everyone's very compliant He's like, can you show up in like 10 minutes and get this done? They're like, yeah, and then they just show up and do it Yeah, because it's James Beast

Yeah, that's true He hemorrhages money on his main channel His side channels are like, what makes him be able to afford the main channel Really? Yeah. I think he's talked about this before, but basically he spends – it'll be sometimes like a million bucks for a video.

That's so gang. That's like a movie. He's making fucking – Literally. He's making movies. They're like nine minutes long. YouTube videos that are the budgets of movies, and then the gaming channel obviously has like a way better margin,

and so you can just dump it into the main channel. Do you think Mr. Beast would fund our movie? A horror film based on beasts. I don't think he would fund it. Did he mention us? Is he at all interested to do this? Does he know what happened to Bunch? Does he know me?

So what happened to Bunch is, originally when he called me to go down, what happened is he was talking to Carl and something came up that was about me. And then he said, I thought you hated Ludwig to Carl. And Carl's like, no, I don't, I like Ludwig. He calls me that same exact minute and says, come over tomorrow.

This is a week ago. And I'm like, I can't, I was talking about this already in the last pod. And so when I'm there, he wanted me to stay like an extra day because Charlie was coming up to do the poker thing. That's why we're recording on a Tuesday now instead of a Monday, which sorry, Archie, it's going to stay like an extra day because Charlie's coming up to the poker thing. That's why we're recording on a Tuesday now instead of a Monday, which sorry, Archie is going to be paying the ass for you. Absolutely.

He wanted me to stay even longer. And I told him I was like, I got a podcast. He's like, bring your podcast. Yeah. And I was like, I got a girlfriend. Bring your girlfriend. He wanted you to stay longer to like do more stuff. Just like hang out.

Hang out. Just hang out. So sick. Yeah. I think the idea is like he has like a sick setup because like you know he's from north carolina but like there's nobody else there you know like yeah la there is a plethora of creators austin has been become a hub for streamers nobody has sprouted shop in north carolina yeah so when someone comes over it's

like hey stay please stay they're gonna let him cut the ribbon next year dude like yeah dude yeah shop in North Carolina. Yeah, so when someone comes over, it's like, hey, fuck it. Stay. Please stay. They're going to let him cut the ribbon next year, dude. Yeah, dude. He's like their guy. For sure. For North Carolina? It's like him and a football player. He's going to reveal like a new mall one day.

Well, I guess formerly Cam Newton. Oh. He's gone now, but. Cam Newton. He was there for a while. And Jimmy Newton. And Clam Neutron. Sorry for the sports ball reference.

Of the Pittsburgh Packers. No, he was the quarterback for the Panthers. I remember that. Let's go. I knew that too. I can't believe you knew that and not Messi. Yeah, that's unbelievable. It's football, bitch.

Hey, welcome to America. Football. Wait, is that what happened? Football. You set it up like something big happened, but then you just told us what you told us last week. Oh, well, just that again. he just wanted me to do it again so he didn't know me no he said bring the pod and i said after the after the conversation you guys had about me and like you know favorite friend i was like what did he say was he like that's so cool

you have someone like that well i brought you guys up in the sense that he would ask like what my goals are and i'd be like i'm trying to get my friends. Get rid of my friends. And then he said, and I quote, you must really like your friends. And I said, yeah. So that's about the extent he does. Does he hate his friends? No. Mr. Beast hates his friends.

Thumbnail. Easy, easy episode. Mr. Beast hates his friends. Doesn't he like documented, like gives his friends all kinds of shit? Yeah, literally. It's like the meme is like it's all trans. The meme is like

they're not coming to Christmas. The meme is like the best job on earth is to be Mr. Beast's friend. Yeah. Because you just get given so much shit. I was making a joke that

I'm the first person to hang out with Mr. Beast and lose 25K. Yeah, that's really funny. And also, you haven't seen this probably. I've seen what? Wow, you look dumb.

No, I think it looks cool. No, you look like a kid I'm waiting behind audio listeners. You haven't seen my most recent YouTube upload. You should have just leaned into it and gotten a rat tail I think it looks cool. You guys are mean and stupid. I've been given a haircut by Carl and he gave me a rat tail mohawk mullet I Want to make fun of you in so many different ways right now and my brain can't compute. It's just so many Yeah, he's overclocking. Yeah, I'm over can't compute. It's just so many. I just want to do it. He's overclocking right now. I'm overclocking bits.

I can't. I need a break. Yeah, my hair got destroyed. Yeah, well, from the front, it looks pretty good. This part's a little fucked. It's a little disemportionate. This part's a little... Yeah, it's a little...

He's got some wings coming out on the side. Hey, let's get Gillette on the phone. I shave your head. Shiny as a bald baby's butt. Let's get Manscaped on the phone, maybe. You know? Alright. And let's do it. Well, Manscaped... I will shave your head bald, Ludwig. I don't want

that. And then I'll paint hair on it. I'll paint your head. If I shave my head bald, will you use my defunct hair as a wig until it grows back? Someone would have to assemble the wig, but yeah. You guys see that shit that Steve-O did?

You couldn't take it off in public. You guys watch Steve-O's YouTube channel? No. All right, so Steve-O is making content. Steve-O's fucking out. He's been making content. He makes content with SteveWillDoIt. I don't know who that is.

Is that like his younger brother? The degenerate side of YouTube. It's like David Dobrik For frat guys Oh okay That checks out Because Steve-O made a video

Well he's like Coming off the back of Jackass Right where like Jackass' whole thing Was always like Pushing the threshold Of like ridiculous shit That like no one

Would ever want to do themselves But these guys will do it And then you get to go watch it Yeah So now he's doing it on YouTube And you would think like You know Steve-O's getting old He can't keep doing all these stunts

He's still doing some fucking insane shit You know why? He's vegan His body don't quit I see He can survive Honestly it's more badass that he's doing it vegan But what he did

What he did was Is he held a I don't know what you'd call it Like a meet up I guess At like Venice Beach or something And he had people come up to get shaved And it was only pubes So you had to prove you were over 18 shaved. And it was only pubes.

So you had to prove you were over 18. And they would shave all your pubes off. And then he wore it like a suit. He wore the pubes of strangers like a suit. What a comical idea. How many views does this have? I think it's a shirt or a hat. How many views does this have? I think a lot.

I can't remember. Like Ludwig numbers or Beast numbers? Zipper can bring it up. Ludwig numbers, I think. More than... The in-between. The in-between. It's not Beast numbers. I would hope it's a lot. I can't remember. Ludwig numbers or Beast numbers? Zipper can bring it up. Ludwig numbers, I think. The in-between. The in-between. It's not Beast numbers. I would hope it's a million. It's over a million, I think. I think me and Steve-o are kindred spirits.

Because I think that's funny and I would do the same thing. Would you do that? Yeah, I would do the same thing. Steve-o is just dumb shit, so I watched this video You wouldn't even lick my shingles. With him and Steve-o will do it and they just swallowed dice at a casino, which is like log lines of these videos are so funny to me. It's just like incredibly difficult on health. When you're willing to do absolutely anything to your body,

coming up with content is so easy. Yeah. It's like, I will like verb noun, you know, I will consume piss. Done. Video done. We'll do that. I will shoot like, verb, noun. You know, I will consume piss. Done. Video done.

We'll do that. I will shoot kids. Well, maybe not. All right, Steve-O. You're watching and loading. Yeah. How many views did I have, Zipper? What made you bring that up in your head?

Well, he was talking about shaving his hair and wearing it. Oh, right, right. Yeah. And I was like. Did you, like, come across Steve-O's YouTube channel? How did you end up there? It was in my recommended. I recommended Steve-O content.

Yeah, from all those chess videos you're watching. Yeah, so I watch a bunch of chess, and then I get Steve-O because he kind of looks like a pawn. I did learn a YouTube factoid that I think is generic enough. Share with us your dark secret arcane knowledge. Here's one arcane. He has a pretty good vision because we were setting up the stream and he'd be like, let's just get $50,000

cash to put on the table so people know we're gambling with cash. Yes. And I was like, yeah, okay. Sure. How did that... So he said it and then how long... And then he went... And it just fell from the ceiling. He had his cash guy. It was John Monopoly who showed up.

No, but he says this. How long when he says that to the cash the ceiling he had his cash guy yeah it was john monopoly who showed up no but like he he has he says this how long when he says that to the cash is on the table it was like a couple hours you guys seen those like armored like garda trucks that drive around and like they you know they have like bank money in them uh-huh they're all just going to mr beast uh but i think uh one nugget was he always tweets out that a video came out but it'll never tweet it with the link and then i was i was like why and he was like well if they click on the video and watch it it comes up in that weird twitter thing you know when you click on a youtube video you're not logged in yeah it will you'll watch the whole thing but you're not logged in and then

when you go on youtube later youtube algorithm be will be like, you love Ludwig. Here's a Ludwig video. But you have already watched it. So you'll be like, I'm not going to watch it. So you scroll by it. And then you won't. And then they'll be like, oh, you hate Ludwig now. And then they'll be like, I'm going to give you less Ludwig.

You think Ludwig's stupid and has a micro dick. I won't let you watch him. I promise. I'll comfort you. I'm the algorithm. They just don't know you watched Ludwig. Yeah. That's the algorithm. They just don't know you watched Ludwig. Yeah. That's an algorithm trick.

So when you decide not to watch a video, you are saying that person has a baby dick. There is. I know as a fact. Veritasium talked about it. You think that, right? No. Wendover.

A true fact that you do have a baby penis every time you don't watch. Wendover's penis is huge. It's gigantic.'s like loving like like can you please should i make some knowledge about youtube that you know for me like i just really want to learn he's like yeah so if you go down to the comments and put like if you're watching in 2021 you'll actually get a lot of thumbs up on that and people will click on your channel here's a big one uh reminding people to subscribe it actually goes a long way. If the video gets

a lot of dislikes, you say that the bar looks like a lightsaber. And then all the Star Wars, you get a lot of Star Wars fans. A lot of those. Star Wars, huge. You gotta capitalize

on the Star Wars fans. Outside of that, consistency. You know, uploading consistently, work ethic, all that. The one thing I think he said that I've known, because I've already talked, we talked about this in the pod.

He said, don't know, Jimmy. Is, uh... Like that? Bad man. the one thing I think he said that I've known because we talked about this in the pod don't know Jimmy bad man is ending daily uploads what is it? ending daily uploads which we've talked about before but he reaffirmed because he asked you to do that

because I think the idea is simply that you could do more quality control and then you could develop better thumbnails and titles and you could make sure the edit is better if you aren't forced to upload it. Yeah, I said better videos. Like, for example, better pizza.

I love the idea of Ludwig just now learning that if you spend more time on things, they come out better. Well, it's more so that, like, he's like, guys, guys, I learned that when I study for the exam, I actually do better on it. I get a better score on the top of the paper. I know that you've all said this for a long period of time, but Mr. Beast has told me now. And Mr. Beast actually told me if I reply to people earlier, they can work on what they're doing earlier, and we get better stuff from them.

Yeah. Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean is a genius. I can't wait for this video to be titled, like, Slimes in Encounter with Mr. Bean or some fucking shitty ass. Dude, no, I had this whole bit when I was hanging out alone, because it was just me and Cutie in the house, and I had this idea in my head where I was like,

if I ever meet, like, okay, I ran through scenario, what if he brings home Mr. Beast, right? And I would just go like his prom date or like maybe maybe he wanted to come hang out maybe they hit it off he comes home he's like hey what's up and it's like this is hi mr bean this is slime and yeah i had this idea where i'd be like dude i loved all those movies where you're like kind of walking around like you don't know what's going on. You don't speak at all. So sick. Very sick.

This would be like the Botez interaction where you'd have to explain the joke. Why you're making it. Why like. Do you think you would get it? No. Of course not. How old is he? Has anyone else besides us called him Mr. Bean?

Yeah. It's not. The connection is not that he hasn't watched Mr. Bean, which I don't know if he has. You should ask him. You're buds. But more importantly, Mr. Bean and Mr. Beast is not a normal connection. They're free. I think it's totally.

Free video idea, Mr. Bean. I think it's totally. I made all my friends watch Mr. Bean, and the last person to stop watching gets a quarter million dollar. Dude. How about that? You just have to watch all the Mr. Bean movies. You got to watch them on loop.

There's this guy that used to come into my chat, and he was like, he asked me advice on this video, that he was like, this bit that he was doing, and he sent it to me, and it's basically the POV of someone on a date, and they're slowly revealing that they're obsessed with Mr. Bean. And it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. Like 10 people have seen it.

And I just want to shout out that guy. But yeah, so if he wouldn't get it, would he think it was funny still if I explained it to him? No way. Are you this socially inept after one week in a row? No, I'm not even saying.

He would look down at his phone and be like, $200,000. That is the amount of time I spent just talking to you. What I'm saying is, would Mr. Bean like me if we met? Based off of what you just said, no. So if I did that, he wouldn't like me? Yeah. That would set the tone for them.

To be clear, if you did that to yourself in Twitch chat, you would probably ban him. I feel like that's close-minded. If a random guy came up to me and said, I would sit Yourself in twitch chat you probably I feel like that's cool if a random guy came up to me and said I loved all those movies And I was like thanks. It was just say my name is mr. Beast, and you're like I said that just now because mr Bean the movie series yeah, so for some context I have a podcast why don't you like me? Why don't you like me and on the yard we one time we mr. Bean? Why don't you like me uh called why don't you like me and on the yard we one time we called you mr bean why don't you like me sorry why don't you like me one more context sometimes we like change how names sound like our friend amen we call him amen it's aiden uh so with all that now uh i called you mr bean because your name isn't that and it's close okay but it's different no no it's not shut up it's different. No, it's not. No, no, no. It's not. It's not.

Shut up. It's different because it's not on the street. You got brought over to someone's house and they did this to you. Yeah, you're trapped here. Yeah. That is the difference is that you're trapped in the environment. This is like someone walking up to you and being like, was it tough being spilled so much in Nickelodeon? This isn't like some-

No, that's so less clever. This isn't like some Venice Beach bit where the person just gets to kind of, ah, see ya. You know, they have to deal with this interaction. So you're saying that Mr. Beast is closed-minded to come up. What I'm saying is I will never introduce you to. This is not being closed-minded. Ludwig, this is what you do. This is what you do.

I'll say, hey, you want to meet my roommates, Aiden and Nick? Look. No, you would not. You would not do that. You want to get dinner with them? I'm a peach. I'm a peach. Mr. Beast wants you to come out and do more content. Uh-huh we want to meet mr. Beast so what I do is you convince him to do a video where your friends have to battle his friends

And it's a war of some sort. I just want like okay. Yeah, absolutely This is my way of saying I want 500k I just want to see it and I the bit would be funny. And I believe that we will defeat his friends. I think we are more agile. Money me. Money me a lot now. And I think that we. It's time to set it up.

I'm not going to let you do it. I want to do the bit where I call him Mr. Bean because it sounds like Mr. Beast. Do you understand me? You will not meet him if I have anything to do about it. understand me you will not meet him if i have anything to do about it it's like it's like in the movies when like your parents or like the inspector comes and you're trying to have them avoid the kitchen it's like the one place yeah it's like slime's like around the corner is boxers and like ludwig's like so so this way uh is actually my pokemon snap machine it's gonna be like mrs doubtfire and robin Williams. It's steamed hams.

What is steamed hams? Well, it's similar. What reference is this? Steamed hams is the Simpsons. So we're trying to hide shit from superintendents. Yeah. And you are the steamed hams. But I'm like him.

He would like me. We'd get along. I don't think so. Why are you like him? In what way are you like him? Because we're both entrepreneurial. And creative. One idea right now. Mr. Beast says, I want your best idea.

You have five seconds. For a video. I, Mr. Beast, will eat a tire. And I might die. Million dollar idea. I try to eat a tire all the way through for one million dollars. Of my own money. And then it cuts to its friend for a second.

That's a big tire. Is this Carl? Yeah, this is Carl. Wow. He's like, wow. It says wow in big white letters. Do you really think you can eat that whole tire? Damn, Chandler tried to eat it.

He doesn't even, he just gives up. Yeah, it's a great video. In the topic channel, I have a little note here, and it says, thank you, Coinbase. Oh, that was your transition? For sponsoring the yard. We could have just done it. Yeah. That was a lot of buildup.

You know what? I abandoned ship on this bit. Basically, this guy I knew in high school fucked our lunch lady. And so I wanted to talk about that, but then I bailed on this bit. Basically, this guy I knew in high school fucked our lunch lady. And so I wanted to talk about that. But then I bailed on that idea. We can come back to that. No, we will. Oh, we will.

Okay. After. Thank you very much. No, hold on. He's talking over you. And speaking of people with that money, shout out to Coinbase. Actually, speaking of Mr. Beast, because he also has a Coinbase sponsorship. Speaking of Mr. Beast, who also has a Coinbase sponsor, shout out to Coin who also has a coinbase sponsor shout out to coinbase hey actually you know what I just talked to the guy okay?

John coinbase, huh, and it's coming codes coming. Oh, it's codes John coin. I don't believe it. No it's coming Code coming I'll show you I'll show you the messages right now code red alert time that I'm showing them the message You could go to the app store and download coinbase on if you do it before ludwig finishes you win uh one coupon you're gonna win a free you win you win a free coupon for unlimited items big coupons big koopies you win the coupon if you try here unlimited items you win one bang ride look at this it says uh well i won't read all this because it's actually somewhat you know, but it basically says I didn't know that it could get that small Shouts and prayers to you, brother

I don't know why you sent this, but you do have a code coming Shout to Coinbase Support in the yard. Go download the app if you are interested in doing what? Big hot shouts. Back to the regularly scheduled program. Let's talk about your friend fucking the lunch lady.

Okay, well- Your friend fucked a lunch lady? So he fucked- WHAT?! Slime's friend fucked a what? How old was she? How old was that lunch lady? Stop saying- stop saying A lunch lady.

Like it's a slur. Okay? Sorry, sorry, your friend fucked THE lunch lady. Yeah! Like, what do you mean? Way different! The only one? It's a title!

You only had one at the school. No, we had a few. It's like my friend fucked up lunch, but the U is censored. Would you guys say a lunch lady? It's like she got picked up off the street corner. Like we picked up Amy. You use all if there's multiple, the off there's one. Earth has one moon, the moon. Jupiter has a moon.

Jupiter has several moons. Jupiter has so many moons it's like over 60 but what i'm saying you're getting distracted she he fucked a lunch lady did he go milk or blue gatey so here's what happened i only remembered this options because lunch lady i i don't know why but i put it in the topic channel either way yeah this guy i went to school with uh when he graduated a year later, he went to the lunch lady's house, and they started, like, dating.

Wait, hold on, hold on. There's a lot of missing. He just went to her home? Here's the thing. Where I grew up, the adults were very irresponsible, and they would often drink with students. That's not what she looked like. Wow.

But it's also not far away from what she looked like, Zipper. Really? Yeah. How old was she? She was, she was like double is a this is an Aiden situation come on? Oh, I can't call it an Aiden situation When in Sweden as we call it when you fuck the lunch lady as the sweet Want to announce the baby announce the baby she was oh come on amen junior a little meatball and uh and so so yeah it was this weird occurrence i guess it happened a lot now that i'm thinking about it a lot of people from my school ended up having sex with the adults when they got out of the school that's weird and that's weird guys why was it like that that's the grad party you oh that? That's the grad party That's your grad party

Either way this guy In Colorado you get your diploma by fucking a faculty When I went to Really low graduation rate out there When I went to my high school reunion One of my friends in high school He was like my best friend in high school We fell away as you do sometimes

But we start talking we catch up And he's like dude I'll just make up a name. He's like, I fucked Julie's mom. And I'm like, no way. And he's like,

yeah, dude. And I'm just like, how? He's like, I don't know, we just got close. And I'm like, this is so fucking great.

He's like 10% luck, 20% skill. This is what happens when you don't move away from the neighborhood you grew up in. I'm saying, because I grew up in a small town. That Fort Minor song is just about

fucking a lunch lady. And so, basically, that happened, and I'm just, much like Ludwig's earlier realization here, I'm doing a lot of realizing, and it's pretty crazy. You've never fucked anyone from your hometown? From my hometown? Like an adult? That's older than you?

No. No. No. What do you mean? Don't. Why are you scoffing at me? Yikes. As if you have. It was me,

the geography teacher in the lunch lane. Walking to a bar. Blowys left and right. Dicks in butts. Some guy commented was like, I did the the peepees bit

from Good Neighbor and he was like is that a good neighbor reference shout out to that guy it was a good neighbor love good neighbor yeah oh man what oh yeah so this one sorry there's such a backlog here because because we're just so hot and we're just so funny and and bright all the time we forget to talk about the hot stuff in the topic channel uh-huh uh i when i was on dating apps i i used bumble and i actually got a thing in the mail there's a class action lawsuit against bumble right now and it's because some guy argued that it was uh what is it unlawful unconstitutional

that women had to like got to message first and men were not allowed and this person is not winning the lawsuit but bumble is caving and paying out like three million dollars yeah and i thought that was really really funny and we're eligible for a 30 payout if we go through the whole process if you used it from like 2016 to like whatever but it's really funny because i just imagine some guy being so mad that he can't fuck this is going to disproportionately affect the wealth of the right. There is going to be a significant increase in wealth only for, like, Reddit users. I know. And 4chan users and QAnon members. This 3 million is getting put in the pockets of some real mall pussies.

I think it makes sense as a lawsuit. Yeah, because anything can kind of make sense as a lawsuit. That's the job of it. But it's just funny because it's like, some guy's like, fuck, I'm 5'4". God damn it. Ludwig's like, I mean, I think it's good that the women finally have it coming to them. I just feel like they're already getting equal pay. What's more nuts to me is how many people are going to go through all the whole process.

It's a pain in the ass. To get your $30. I did it back in the day with Red Bull. It's a pain in the ass. I always wonder that. To get your $30. I did it back in the day with Red Bull. That's $30 an hour. Really? Red Bull, I don't know if you remember the class action lawsuit. It was during the Red Bull Gives You Wings campaign. It doesn't give you wings.

Well, yeah, it doesn't. Yeah. But the idea was that, yeah, you couldn't say it gave you this, I don't know, fucking extra boost that you normally wouldn't get without it. You wouldn't sprout wings like a seraph. It was not so literal. It was more so like you would not be performing better. Really?

Yeah. And that's why they changed it. Now it's wings. So did they win the lawsuit, the accused? There was a class action lawsuit. Or did they settle? Because that's what Bumble's doing right now. I don't know.

I guess I don't know the difference. What they had to do is they had to change their slogan and they had to pay out. That's crazy. And so you either got like, which was funny, 20 bucks or $20 in Red Bull, which was an option. That's really funny. Yeah. We'll just give you some more of it. The difference was the time. If you did like Red Bull, it'd be like, all right, yeah, a couple weeks.

And if you did like 20 bucks, it'd be like, all right, five months. Yeah, I'll see you in five months for a check, a paper check. There was a naked juice, you know those juices? Yeah. I drank those all the time, and there was actually a class action lawsuit because they had formaldehyde in them, which is, I think, why I'm schizophrenic. I remember seeing that, and I was like, fuck, that's bad for me. I drank those all the time. Dude, that's like when I found out my that's bad for me. I drink those all the time.

Dude, that's like when I found out my shampoo makes me go bald. I can see it. You guys know the water has fluoride in it? Bro. Bro. And if you look up, those aren't clouds, dude. And birds aren't real. I'll tell you, it starts with chem, ends with trails.

Those are chem trails, dude. What the fuck, dude? That's what I'm saying. Stop telling me. Vinny Paz was right. One person will understand what I'm talking about. I also watched The Irishman this weekend. No.

That's the worst boring shit I've ever seen in my life. Really? And they look like shit. I think it's two and a half? It's three and change. Oh, they're digitally retouched in that movie. No, I think they're prosthetically retouched. Joe Pesci looks like an Oompa Loompa.

I think it was digital. It looks terrible. It's CGI. It's CGI. Don't talk about Joe Pesci. They were a shit, Loompa. I think it was digital. It looks terrible. It's CGI. It's CGI, 100%. Don't talk about Joe Pesci. It was a shit, shit film. There's a lot of technology that went, like, they built, like, a brand new camera for that movie. Okay, we're going to make Robert De Niro look fucking weird.

We need a camera built for this now. Yeah, I will say that the movie did much more for filmmaking than it did for, like, cinema. Like Benjamin Button? Like enjoying something. Would have been Benjamin Button do. I don't know. Well, it was just basically the same idea, I think.

It was like that technology before. It was Brad Pitt and they made him old and young. It pushed the technology? Yeah. More so than like the story of Benjamin. Well, we all know

Benjamin Button as, you know, the guy who's old now. Yeah. You know? And it's just a household name, but I've never seen the movie. Me neither. No.

And so if we haven't seen the movie of Ludwig, what comes to mind in the average person's eyes when you think of Ludwig? I don't know. Tell me. If you could Benjamin Button, like if you could do it in your life, but you have one of two choices. You start off as a baby like normal, but your dick's old. Like you have like your 100-year-old dick.

You have an old, stinky dick. And then you go reverse. Or you start off old 100 year old old stinky dick uh and then you go back you go reverse or you start off old but you got baby dick wait okay so why and then as you the second part just describes the latter 100 yeah why because show your work because because if you start out old by the time you're like ah like 60 yeah say you'll have an 18-year-old dick. Yeah, you'll just have a normal dick. By the time you're 80?

No one would want to fuck you. Like 18 years after you are. It kind of meets in the middle, right? By the time you're like 50, you just have a normal dick, basically. Wait. You don't want to be 18 years old with a 65-year-old man dick. Yeah. That's weird. I 18 years old with like a 65-year-old man dick. Yeah. That's weird.

I feel also there is like a – so both of these can be charted, right? And there is a cross point where both of these people are the same. Yeah. Yeah. But the problem is eventually you will be 80 years old and you'll have a baby penis, and that's weird. That's pretty funny. No, that's not weird because no one wants to suck and touch your peep.

Yeah. Old people fuck. Well, that's not weird because no one wants to suck and touch your peep. Yeah. That's obvious. Old people fuck. No. Well, they do, actually. Old people fuck and it would suck to have a baby penis. Yeah, but you could always suck. It'd also suck more if a woman wanted that at 80.

I'm just happy we're talking about this a little more. Yeah, it would be weirder. Because you would have this weird guilt of anybody who was like, if you met anybody who was really into it, you'd be like, this doesn't feel right. It's weird. I guess it'd be weird, right? It's like people who like Belle Delphine. Well, I guess you kind of gotta need that, right? It's like, okay, well, if you're getting fucking, if you're getting

schloppy from someone who wants your tiny jalopy. Getting schloppy from Nora. You need that. From Gretchen. What do you mean you need that? No one else is gonna schlop you down. So you need a freak who can do it like that. My G. You're not thinking about the schlopping.

I disagree with the premise. You get it, right? No, I'm with him. I'm going to fuck myself. I'm going to shake his hand on that one. I don't think you can be enthusiastic about the old women who want your baby. No, but you're also old. You don't get to pick and choose here.

You could also be like a superhero who protects kids by using your baby penis with pedophiles. Maybe he doesn't use it. What does that mean? You change the wording. People who like baby dicks instead fuck you, an adult. So you just run blog. You're rehab. All these kids

your rehab for the greater good you're like methadone for the greater good for kid fuckers I will fuck all the pedophiles to keep the children safe you're like Santa Claus

but for pedophiles that's it no somebody's gotta yeah it's like it's like you you old baby dick

Mike Rowe is interviewing you it's not an easy job It's like you, you old baby dick. Mike Rowe is interviewing you. It's not an easy job. Every day is taxing on me. But someone got to get it done for the kids. He keeps mouthing off about how high taxes are between takes. And you're just like, I'm just here to talk about my own problems. I like good shit. Anyway, get back up here, Stav.

Pops in like a fucking sesame strip. Yeah, well, okay. What I was trying to say is that Benjamin Button is a household concept. We automatically think of something, and I think that's really special. And maybe we'll never get there as people. I mean, I think it's also like,

because there's the one thing. It's like Inception, right? I was a power rangers video the other day on youtube and was basically explaining how the original cast of power rangers got fucked it was a non-union job they got six hundred dollars per episode and it was like shit work conditions it was really terrible and uh it's kind of like how they exploited and to this day they continue to exploit power rangers i believe maybe it's i don't know they did it for a long time in the comment section this is a pretty like a couple hundred thousand view video comment section it had a note about the yellow ranger

i forget her name um she died she yeah she died as like a young person like 27 or something and it was after she was the yellow ranger but And something said, one of the comments said, rest in peace, you will forever be the Yellow Ranger to all of us. And I read that and I was like, that's terrifying. That's bad. You don't want that. What do you mean? Because that person is a human being who is now dead,

but someone on the internet is like, this is what you'll always be to us, is like a yellow toy creature. I don't see it the way you do. I read it. No, I understand why you guys might not think that, but I read it, and I thought that was terrifying. Yeah, I think that's fair because I think you're just afraid of being thought of as like a thing. But it's more so saying like nothing could replace you.

I don't. Yeah, but maybe. But it's also. You're irreplaceable. But the thing is, the irony, they did get replaced. Every ranger got fucking replaced. When you die and I die, I hope they say in the comment section, I'll never look at LeMunk the same.

Instead of laughter and joy, I will cry and weep. We'll all watch Stinky one last time. Do you think, is it better to leave behind any remembrance of yourself or one that's meaningful? Doesn't matter. Would you not argue that being a Power Ranger was meaningful? I don't know. No, I would argue that it's not. This is the great thing about dying is it doesn't matter how you're remembered.

I think the nature of them getting fucked. Because you're dead. I think it nature of them getting fucked... Because you're dead. I think it's still okay to want something else. But I think the nature of them getting fucked implies that their role was so important that it's fucked up how little they were paid, right? Yeah. There's an importance to what they did,

which makes it meaningful to me. I guess, but you could put that on anything, and it's like, rest in peace, XQC. You'll always be the best jumper in my heart. Right? If someone said you'll always... If he played Jump King, you'll always be the best jumper in my heart. Right? If someone said you'll always, if he played Jump King, you'll always be the Jump King,

I think that would be a respect. Really? Yeah, yeah. I don't see it that way. If a speedrunner died, this is a better comparison. If a speedrunner died and someone was like,

you'll always be the best. You'll always be the best at Hundo, ZFG. Yeah. Yeah. Even if that's not literally true. The thing about it is it doesn't matter what you think about it. It matters what they would have thought about it. And I think ZFG would be like, hell yeah.

ZFG would because he is addicted to the crack that is Hundo. And also for every person who would call him the best jump king, there would probably be people saying more accurate things. That's what I'm saying. It's like I think it only matters if the thing you're being remembered for is like one of the less important thing you're being remembered for is like one of the less important things you could be remembered for. Yeah.

To me, I guess I imagined this young woman and that all of her hopes and dreams and being the yellow Power Ranger was not what she wanted. Let me give you a better example, I think. But I'm also placing that. It would suck for the guy who was Charlie and got his finger bit if he died and people would be like, now we're fucking talking you always got your shit bit to me, that's the same

is it? being a yellow Power Ranger is badass Power Ranger was like a fucking thing action figures and kids with their favorite thing in the world it's like being the Hulk it's like being a superhero if Charlie bit my finger, that'd be terrifying why is the Charlie bit my

finger thing different? Because it's not an accomplishment? Yeah, because it's ultimately a joke. It's just a viral video. I assume they also want to move past that, right? Most viral moments that don't become a career or something. Don't they have a Twitch channel and it's still named? I don't know.

I think they stream on Twitch and their name is still like yeah like charlie bit my finger the baby is now grown up and has a twitch this is like rugrats it's just like rugrats all grown up yeah and yeah that the the baby's trying to stream charlie it's like he couldn't have grown up safely without the pedophiles player keeping the streets safe. There's a bunch of those, though, that I imagine would be, like, weird legacies. But I also think they just probably move past it.

And then, like, the connections you make with people around you is more important that you care about more. If you die, you die. Okay. We all die tomorrow. Ah. And that's your reaction? Okay. No.

No. Dang it. So you die tomorrow. You don't have a choice. Everyone on the planet, including us, is going to remember you for one thing. What is that thing for you? What do you want it to be? Oh, dude.

Is it your ass? Is it your farting? Like, have everyone remembered you for the guy who could fart really long? Yeah, he wrote corn base. Yeah, I'd have to think about what i cherish the most in terms of like what i've done and it could also be something that like okay you know what it would be in in high school i did the best eric foreman impression i've ever done in my life at the lunch table you are such a freak no it was fucked up it was so good that people were like stunned because my voice

kind of cracked in like the perfect way that Topher Grace's voice cracks. And I said, dad, and it was, it was fucked up. And I remember the whole table just dying. And that was like probably the most beautiful moment of my life. I know mine. I know mine.

There was one time pretty recently. Hungrybox video. Oh God. Your magnum opus, bro. Yeah, probably the Hungrybox videos. Shout out Juan. Oh, really quick. I actually do want to tell a sauce. I'll Hungrybox videos. Shout out Juan. Oh, really quick. I actually do want to tell a story.

I'll come back to this. But at Riptide, me and Aiden clout our ways into the front row. We don't have staff badges. Only staff are allowed. We just sit there and we don't get removed, which was awesome. Love that. And we're so close that we're in the splash zone. So now all of our bant and chance uh can be heard by players

everything that our group of people said was directly heard by was yingling there yeah he was there with us talking about the puzzles the puzzles every time he shooted anything like puzzles uh so so uh hbox puts his airpods in right before he plays i can't remember who um whizzy whizzy and we start going airpods one airpods one and he hears us he's like why i'm just wearing them and uh and then someone goes like he's listening to donda and then he lifts his phone and you see the donda album cover yeah and he flashes he's listening to donda and i swear to god we powered up that that game because he puts it down he starts rocking his head yeah and he's yeah i saw that on the stream. He is fucking him up.

And we're like... That's hype. Because, you know, he needs the crowd, right? Yeah. Did we influence that? We're like, oh my god, maybe we should have done that.

You're actually a huge Hunger Box fan. Yeah, yeah. You're responsible. I became a Hunger Box fan in that moment. Dude, I love... We were cheering for Juan

the whole time. I love that. Juan and Kanye, dude? Fuck, what was I talking about before? Match made in heaven. Oh, my thing. So, if I were to die tomorrow, and I can only choose one thing to be remembered by,

there was one time where we were at the BTS office, and we have a skateboard that's just always there. And for months now, I am trying to kickflip this skateboard like the old days. Because I used to skate. I don't anymore. And I can't kickflip anymore. And for months and months and months, I'm trying to kickflip, and I just fucking cannot land one.

I'm, like, doing the thing where I can do the flip but i won't land on the board again it goes out in front of me and all this shit and then mike uh shout out to gunther's our friend is there and uh i think i asked him a question i remember exactly how i phrased it but i asked him a question i'm like i'm like do you think i could kick flip and he's like he thought about it for a moment he put thought into it he didn't just answer like to be funny i think his body goes no i don't think you can flip and i'm think his buddy goes, no, I don't think you can kickflip. And I'm like, why? And he's like, I just don't think you can do that. And I was like, I used to skate.

He's like, it doesn't help. He's like, I don't think you can kickflip. Mike, who actively skates. Mike, who's a good skater, who has the tools to decide whether or not a random human just calling you out. So I go over to the board. I get on the board. And first try, I land a kickflip in front of him. And if I can be remembered for that for the rest of my life.

What face did he make right after? He goes. That's so sick. And I was just like, motherfucker. And, you know, that's like you don't get an opportunity to look that cool. And if you ask Mike the story, he'd be like, I still didn't think you were cool maybe. But to me, I was just like, I fucking did the shit. And that would be mine. That was his Eric eric foreman that's hype yeah mine's top 10 salty ice clamber moments you're fuck you i know fuck you drop the veil we just wanted to

get to know you we can't i i don't i don't i don't care i think it i think it's a um you don't think about death you don't think are you proud of the podcast uh yeah you're it's a, um, you don't think about death. You don't think about, are you proud of the podcast? Uh, yeah, yeah, it's great. I knew I was thinking about this earlier. You guys can check out the Patriot shows up to do a good job. I'm not going to say what, but I told Ludwig some pretty big news today. And, uh,

and he, while telling, while I told him the news was like, Oh really? And he's like already walking out of the room. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah,

Simpsons meme where Homer goes in the bush. I'm like, wow. Tell me more. Or wait, before the podcast started, it was like I said something and he was like, oh yeah, uh-huh. And it was like dad fucking not listening to your Fortnite story.

And he left and I instantly was like, does he hate me? Did I do something to make him mad? Why is he leaving? Is he not like Nick? I love Nick. Why do you hate him? I'll talk about it later.

I love Nick. But Ludwig's just like this. Ludwig can't emote unless it's generating bits. Okay, before Eamon says his final moments of sweet release. Make sure to message him on Twitter, twitter.com forward slash Aiden Calvin. Message him with what your greatest accomplishment was. Dude, I actually talked to him at Riptide. He goes, I'm about to close my DMs off to the public.

He was like, I'm this close. And I was like, that's hilarious. And I was like, you won't do him at Riptide. He goes, I'm about to close my DMs off to the public. He was like, I'm this close. And I was like, that's hilarious. And I was like, you won't do it because you're vain. Dude, he's so... You're all cap. You're all cap. The vanity is over. No, he gets so gung-ho about something.

Like, why would you care about that? The vanity is over. And then he deals with it, and it's like... The vanity is over. I agree. I think... There's no indulgence in it anymore. I think keeping it open is fine

because then you'll just get DM'd by important people and you'll just see them. Keep it open and ignore them. I keep mine open and I got a DM from a verified user that was important today that I would not have seen or not been able to contact. Instead of from a poor, as we call them. Yeah.

Ugh. Sorry. I do hate the poors. Oh, please. Eamon, what would your sweetest thing be? On the YouTube comments of remembering Eamon, what would your sweetest thing be? On the YouTube comments of remembering Eamon, what would you want some asshole to say? Would it be Dr. Noodle Slam saying,

who's down for a noodle slam? The CSGO bonds would be nice. He had a kid in Sweden he never met. Little Sveajorden. Sveajorden. Svea Jordan. He goes up to the tomb. He says, Papa.

Hedge. Hedge. Papa. Hedge. Hedge. In Valhalla. I don't know. I hate this. I can't be fucked to think about what no I was thinking

about it I was thinking about the whole time while you guys were giving answers and I thought my initial thought was like would I want to be remembered for like the work I put together or anything like that but I feel like I don't know if I care about that yeah you were the best like e-commerce associate at smash g ever to do it. Yeah. And then I couldn't. And then, see, just hearing that makes me want to end it all, but I'm already dead in this scenario. Right.

Yeah. You know what's more important than what other people think about you? What is that? It's what those who are close to you think about you. Yeah. That's what I've always said. Yeah. Yeah, so you're in some shit.

think about you. Yeah. That's what I've always said. Yeah. Yeah, so you're in some shit. God, those final 20 years. Dude, Ludwig, by the way, he messaged me a little bit.

He messaged the Yard Discord that we're in to coordinate stuff for this. And I put this connection together. He always texts or messages like he's driving, but he's never driving. Oh, my God. I think you actually have a disorder.

You sent me, you almost sent me over the edge with the one you put this week. It was unreadable. I'm getting it. Don't look like a foreign guy on a bus who doesn't know what he did. Don't say what? You don't fucking know. Me and Aiden are both. I actually don't understand how you could have sent this one. The way to verify that this is actually insane is Me and Aiden are both. I actually don't understand how you could have sent this.

The way to verify that this is actually insane is me and Aiden are both on a plane. We're both doing the exact. We're not even near each other on the plane. I know we're both doing the exact same thing where you check your phone for one last sweet time before the plane goes off and you're disconnected. And we both read your message at the same time. And in the same second, we both send what? And Aiden said, dude dude what does this here okay so here is ludwig's message we're talking about the context is we're talking about when what time we

will do the podcast at because we usually do yeah because we have to do a different time this time ludwig's ludwig sends this i i actually i'm, I'm having a hard time not laughing. And you do Tuesday off at Envy or back early. So, already we can already assume he meant to say, can you do Tuesday off? Him typing out the entire sentence, messing up the first

word is hilarious. And seeing it and being like, okay. But really quick, it's can you do tuesday off no no no yeah that's not no no no that's what i thought at first right but then i thought about it because can you it's like a rubik's cube in your head you do tuesday off still doesn't make Does it make sense? And then the last part that he puts on it. He tags me, so I have to read it. Is, or back early. So what does that mean?

What does that mean? Does that mean he, is Nick back early? Is he coming back early? Yeah, what did you mean? What does it mean? Do you have Tuesday off or are you back early? Wait, do I have... How is that the best thing?

From work. How is that what you meant here? Think about what you wrote and what you meant. No, no, no. There's nothing to understand. Because what could you have possibly been doing? Can't both of those be true? Can't I be back early and have Tuesday off?

Can't I be back early and have Tuesday off? No. It hinders it. It hinders it. It hinders everything. It makes us mad. This was key for the business. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

That was the thing. On the plane, I'm sitting there and I read the message like five times. I don't remember sending this. And I'm literally I know you don't.

I'm literally trying to decipher what you possibly could have typoed, and then I decide to say, what does this mean? Because I still cannot figure it out. Damned if you don't reply. Damned if you do.

There's a condition called dysgraphia, where people, when they try to write, it kind of comes out like a jarbled mess. It's just like a brain thing. You can't really process it. I literally think you should go to the doctor because you have a disorder when it comes to communicating over text. I genuinely think that. It's happened with tweets. It happens

obviously with us. I have dysgraphia. I'm really good at writing bars and insulting other people. No, don't. You know what the second one's for? Okay, fine. You know what? I can't wait till you message him again. And then you think about that moment. I'm getting by fine. You know why the second one's for? Okay, fine. You know what? I can't wait till you message him again. And then you think about that moment. Hey, I'm getting by fine.

I can wait. You know why? I like this theory. This is great. But you showed me old Ludwig messages from your old house chat. And now I feel like something happened. One of the funniest things you ever said was when Ludwig sent you a message and your reply was just like, I think you said something like

you're like a machine or like you said like you said like you're like an AI like I can't remember exactly what it was but you didn't even respond because it was you could not fucking read it and you were just like you are like a machine I'm gonna look up the old gamer chat right now the gamer house chat I think it was

discord you said it in and I'm gonna search dude but I'm getting better at responding, right, guys? No, dude. Well, you are responding. I also didn't remember that you did. You're responding with, like, wingdings, if that's helpful. Before, I wasn't replying. So this is a step up.

I guess, technically, it is. Okay. That's all I need. Yeah. We're getting there, baby. Inch by inch. We all have our demons. Rome wasn't built in a day.

This is funny. This is when we got our internet shut off and we all thought it was like someone downloading movies and it was the Pokemon ROM. And the way you revealed this, because I think we told this on the podcast, but the way you revealed it, like I called, found the culprit.

And then it's just a gif of yourself turning around with a weird champ shirt. That's a good gif. And it's like it's a shit we were dealing with for like a couple weeks and you made a fucking you you reacted with yourself about it it's a good gift i like pokemon rom you're so one of us had one of you had to be torrenting something uh-huh it was the business at risk boys anyway turns out it was yeah yeah i think you have a disorder, and that's okay if you do, but if you did, it would make me a lot less mad at you. The disorder is being a fucking YouTuber. Dude, right?

You think Jimmy's the same way? I know he is. I talked to him. It's like when I messaged Mizkiff when we were planning his merch, and I'd send him, like, four questions that he had to answer, and he'd answer half of one. You guys have to understand that I think every single like streamer YouTuber has min maxed to some degree. And I have I'm I'm somewhat far gone and you guys roast me.

But I was with Jimmy and it's like that's a different world. Yeah, but he's also like so loaded that he can afford that. I think you want this insane Bezos reality where like you don't have to literally think or do anything that isn't fun or interesting i think you're smoking weed because i'm still literally messaging you guys jimmy has two personal assistants that he has deal with all that and and he also deals with every single thing like steve jobs picking out the next iphone he'll like we'll go to taco bell and be like get me every quesadilla and then you like present them be like this one and then you just dispose of the others that's what you want no that's not what i want and that's not what i do at all i'm just like a normal functioning human but i'm bad at messaging

and things like that and you're extrapolating as if i'm doing that but i'm not even close i don't know i know i'm saying that's what you want, but you can't achieve it. When we extrapolate. I could achieve it. No, but you can't. You don't have it right. I'll PA up, bro. You don't have it right now.

It'll be fucking Zeke in the building. Zeke would fucking blow his head off of his body if he had to deal with you. Zeke would have a great time. He needs emotional support all the time, and you give zero. I deliver that to him. I coddled him when he came to L.A.

Yeah, because we're in a studio apartment. You had no choice. I nursed him like a baby. That's actually a very sweet story. Zeke has told us before, but Zeke had nowhere to stay. He was visiting. He was getting a job at Team Liquid. He needed a place.

He ended up staying at Ludwig's studio apartment, and they just played Kingdom Hearts for like 12 hours a day. It was like those videos where you find a a baby animal covered in oil and I brought him back and used Dove soap. And you stripped him down and poured the soap over him. It's going to be okay. And you guys just play Kingdom Hearts. Every time the door opened, he tried to run away.

Your filthy floor. And it's actually very sweet. It's the old Ludwig. Yeah. You'd do the same, but you just wouldn't be in the room. He'd have a nicer room, but I wouldn't be there with him. And you'd be like, I got to get to work. I'm going to go live.

I got to go. Yeah, I think I'm not great at messaging, but I try. An attempt is made, that's for sure. Anyway, that's our weekly complaint about Ludwig communication. All I will say is that it's gotten a little better, but that message was mind-blowing. You don't bring up the good messages? I do.

No, I do. No, I do. Hold on. The good messages are just messages that I can read. They're just messages. I'm like the sound guy, all right? Only get bitched at when I fuck up, but nobody compliments me when I'm nailing it day in and day out.

Remember when I sent you that video of the tiktok in russia everyone was screaming and i sent that to you and you said bro send me funny ones that was really funny and i complimented you well here's my problem is when ludwig sends clear articulate messages it's because he's saying come down to my stream room and be on stream right now or Or something that he needs. You know what it is? He does need things. Yo, out here, can someone turn on the AC? Yes. You're very articulate. Those ones are articulate every time. When you need a task

done for you. Not only are they articulate, but you throw in little analogies about how cold or hot it is. Ludwig daily asks us to fucking change the AC for him and make it colder. We literally have a wireless air conditioning system. All he

has to do is download the app. All he has to do is download the app and he can go on his phone and go Beep beep beep. Fucked up today, bitch. Why is that? Four times he's DMing me saying, I'll show you how to get the app tonight. No, no, no. I'm not your fucking chaperone. Beep beep. For one, if you want someone to... Then why did you say I'll show you how to get the app. No, no, no. I'm not your fucking chaperone.

For one, if you want someone. Then why did you say I'll show you? I will if you fucking ask me to. Because you're the one who wants the problem solved. I'm going to show you tonight. I do not need to solve your problem. And you don't exit your room? He is hired to do that. Cave demon?

You can ask him to do that. Cave demon? Why don't you join him in saying cave demon? Cave demon. Don't shake hands. Cave demon. Cave demon. Cave demon. Cave demon shake hands. Cave demon. Cave demon. Cave demon.

Cave demon. No. I like wake up from a dream. Stop it. You're getting pissed on my mom's side. That was very dangerously close to musical theater. I hope we never get there again. I love musical theater.

In the cave demon cave, man. Hey, what are we doing? Alvarad pops out of the fucking hut. Zipper, let me get a time. I think we're about ready to wrap it up. Yeah, we've been cruising and bruising. Like I did with my dad's condoms. Come on, man.

I can't believe he's cheating on your mom. Keep the ball rolling a bit. Can we talk more about how your dad cheated on your mom in the premium episode? Yeah. Yeah. No. No. It's weird.

You're weird and cringe. And Mr. Beast won't like you dude you would totally like me bro i don't think you're mr b where where are you by the way um there's a quote in mad men where burt cooper gives don draper uh like a raise out of nowhere or gives him a bonus and he's like what is this is this for? And Burt Cooper just says, at your age, you've met everyone there is to meet. And I'm like,

fuck. And I've always thought about that. What does that mean? It means that you get to an age where you kind of meet every single type of person ever. Right? And that's what I feel like

Mr. Beast is like. Wait, but why, what about the Rays? Why do you, why? I don't know. That's never answered. That's what I was confused about.

Yeah. I was not confused about that sentence. Ask Matt Weiner about that one. Yeah. yeah yeah uh i think people like mr beast are they have met every every person and that's kind of weird and like he has met every person yeah he played poker with tom duan and phil hellmuth that's which is crazy like for fun yeah did he get mixed i think he was mixing them and then they brought out poker pros and then he get mixed? I think he was mixing them, and then they brought out Poker Pros, and then he got mixed, and Phil Hellmuth was like, get out. He's bleeding.

Jimmy, go. Speaking of old people, there was this guy on my plane who was very old. But he had a baby dick. Weird story. Yeah. And he was talking to Siri on his phone as if she was like a real woman. And there was two people in front of me who actually listened to the podcast, shout out. And me and two of these people are listening to this guy, and he's talking to Siri, but he's saying like,

Siri, I need to know when I get off the plane where to walk. Where do I go? And Siri's like, I'm sorry, I don't. He's like, Siri, you're misunderstanding me. And he's like saying her name the whole time. Siri, what I said to you was, no, no, stop talking, Siri. So, you don't understand. I need to

know where to go. And it obviously has no idea. And I'm like, holy shit, do I help this person? Can I help this person? Yeah, it was like a toy designed to fuck with old people. Siri, you bitch! How old?

80. That's really old, dude. I'm imagining the Irishman Joe Pesci in his weird, weird 3D effects being like, Siri, you bitch, come on. Just tell me where to go. I was at AppleCare for two and a half years talking to people like that, just trying to help them with the you know the easiest issues to solve and it was it was torture it was truly torture i would throw my headset at the wall because i

would be talking to someone for 90 minutes on how to reset their apple id password and they'd be like getting more and more frustrated you worked from home right yeah did you ever work butt naked in the nude yeah all the time uh time. Not often. But you did. You fielded at least one customer service call with your cock and dick involved. It's not very comfortable to be on a mesh wiring chair with no shirt on. Yeah, but maybe you're laying on the floor and you're naked. No, I'm not like you. And you look fresh and beautiful. What I would do is I would be on the call and then I would throw my headset at the wall in frustration

and I'd go sit on the couch leaving the call open and they'd be like sir hello wait really yeah and i just fucking walk away that's great i would love to see that is awesome i would well after like two years of doing it fucking two tours it gets demoralizing i can't hand it because it's so monotonous it's the same same bullshit. And you are measured to a T on metrics. Like how long was the call? Did you resolve their issue? Was their survey satisfactory? And it's like all very cut and dry.

The, the, this call will be recorded for quality assurance guy is like, finally. Yeah. I got some TV. Cause like I wouldn't, I would bump out calls with like,

you know, like more hip people. It would be like 10 minute, 10 minute, 10 minute, and they'd want like 20 minutes total. So I could squeak out an 80-minuter. So sometimes what would happen is you would get connected with someone on the phone on hold, and they would have their phone on hold, and I just wouldn't talk, and they wouldn't talk. And they'd hang up. No, they wouldn't hang up.

It would be silence for like 80 minutes, and I would just leave it on, and I would just watch anime. Oh my god, that's so dejecting. This guy on Nick's plane was a victim of yours. You abused this old man. Or what would happen is I would finish a call, but it wouldn't hang up. It would be like a house phone, and they just wouldn't put it in properly, and up it would be like a like a like a like a house phone and they just

wouldn't put it in properly and so just be on and i wouldn't talk and i'd let it just play out and one of the times my boss was like hey listen when your call is dead silent i was like weird she's like yeah i'll check into the system i think it's been having some bugs i'm like yeah for sure because outside of that i was killing the game this This reminds me of a time when we lived in the piss and shit house where there is like this website that you could make two people call each other. And then it would send you the recording of their conversation, which is like a pretty big breach in privacy, but pretty funny prank. It's illegal in some states. It's like me and Ludwig. All states.

Not all states. Yeah, no, because this is not even. Oh, recording a call? Recording a call that you are not a part of is definitely illegal in all states, right? It's like single party consent laws. There's one party states or two party states? One of the people on the call has to know. Yeah.

Not both. It depends what state you're in. But I think California is two party. I think third party. The problem is if neither of the people on the call know, no shot you can record that, right? So allegedly I'm on this website. And I was with someone. I can't remember who.

And we made Neeper and Viddy, our other friend, Video Waffles, call each other. And we were, like, doing this to a couple of our friends. And, like, we were, like, listening because it's always funny. But with them, we made them call each other. And the thing is, like, you get a call, right? you answer you're like hello and they're like hello and they're like what's up and then you're like i don't know you called me like no you called me that happens on all these they both answer and they're like hey and then video's like hey and he's like what's up and he's like nothing much he's like oh okay you you want to go play starcraft and he's like yeah

okay and they hung up and they played video games together and i was like what we literally orchestrated them playing games and neither of them questioned it was like a coin landing on its side it was fucking it was the it's just they're like trying to set up couples like who would be good for him it was the sweetest call in a more in a more fun version of that well i guess fun because there's no no i guess you're still fooling somebody but sergio would send back an old anther's ladder he would send a connect code and sergio sent neeper a code like hey play melee with me and then he sent david chong a code he said play me and they made them play each other

yeah and it was really funny and sergio was just like doing other things that is creative unless the skill disparity so high like if i sent like aiden mango's code and then aiden would like either immediately know or like get frustrated if it was just like someone marginally better than him no you know what happens is chong comes downstairs like i took some games off of sergio it's pretty good yeah i feel like I'm getting better. That's fucking funny. Speaking of doing shit on the internet, I've been trying to film this video on, what's the website where you can randomly call people and then you might see someone jerking off? Omegle. Omegle.

Omegle. And we are IP banned. From Omegle? From Omegle? That's you. You did that. You were on that. You're the only one that used that. You're the only one that used that.

You're the only one that's used that. I think more of you guys need to come clean because it says our IP got banned on Omegle. I went on for the first time, and I didn't know what. No. We'll tell you guys in the bonus episode. Oh, sweet. Oof.