The Yard - Ep. 110 - We Made Ludwig Bald

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

This week, the boys talk about Aiden raging in-game with a fan, road rage stories, and how Ludwig lost a bet...

Are we going? Yeah, we're going. The start of the episode is you with your balls out. Wait, here we go. For audio listeners. Penis. And it splashed on my face. That's hater shit. Yeah, that was hater shit. You Penis. And it splashed on my face. That's hater shit.

Yeah, that was hater shit. You said penis and then it splashed on my face. I think you made it like a cum curse. You made my can think it was a penis. I'm just going to have a lot of work to do in this beginning of the episode. Also, he messages me. Linus dropped that forum post where he kind of freaked out and it was a bad look. And Ludwig messages me

the screenshot of the post he's like did mother eat we had very different messages to you did he slay cunt today because like Ludwig is is wanting me it like much like when something happens in the streamer world I ask him like what do you think of this like I literally ask what does Ja Rule think yeah but but for once I'm the guy who has all I'm a lore master so people are coming to me like what's what's what do I what should I think John what should I finally draw rules constant watching of like 4090 reviews that specs of the heat of the processor you're so right comes in boy crowd wolf because like if we really needed Ja Rule for the 4090s

it'd be too late. Yeah. Ja Rule would be like, you know what? He'd be like, you can call me when you need fucking your plumbing fixed. Dude, I was watching a recap from another like, what do you call it? Like hardware site? A YouTube channel? And they were like I put it on and Miles was like, oh you're catching

up on the drama, huh? Like you're into this shit now. And I stood up and I was like, because he basically called me a poser. Yeah. And I was like, I have not watched thousands of hours of fucking charts to be called a poser on this specific conflict of human beings. And I was so mad. He's like, settle down, nerd. The only way to win that was to say nothing.

A grown ass man standing up And putting his foot down on the YouTube drama I know what I'm talking about Yeah what is it do you want to talk about it No nothing Everyone has said everything that makes sense All the time You always say things no one thinks all the time though

That's like your specialty Here's the spoon and you feed me my take Oh you want me to mobile mail it Yeah feed him his take I just give him his take. Feed me my take. I can't believe Aiden found a creative way to eat on the podcast just now. Hmm, okay. Okay, now you're, now you're a silly little clown. Now you're a silly little- Why did you go, why did you go-

Jesus Christ. Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop. You have weird kinks. Why am I dad? Who is he if I'm dad? You know what's funny? Is he uncle? He made a moaning sound it's a dad to you yeah he's Don Lennon so he's your he's mom I'm mom your mother your mother a mother you're my butch wife what the hell you're gonna use that term

there's nothing to summarize here's the thing you know what Linus and then Steve to summarize. Here's the thing. You know what? Linus. And then Steve. And that's pretty much it. You gave Steve a... For what? I think Wozniak went through a lot. I think, like,

he deserves probably a pass. Other Steve. Other Steve. Any other Steve enjoyers. And then the Minecraft Steve. I think his second Steve is Wozniak. Yeah.

It goes Steve from Gamers Nexus, Wozniak yeah it goes steve from gamers nexus wozniak and then the minecraft guy job job oh wow job comes comes after we should ban all steve is steve wozniak alive yeah very much so quid pro quo that's not what this is quid pro crow crow what does that mean a pro crow for birds? Quid comma point crow This is why you couldn't do a mogul mail That's not true You know if you rearrange all letters of quid pro quo It's called squidward

It doesn't but it's close You're getting so diced up right now There's no S It's the easiest letter to find Stop it This is the worst episode ever What is wrong with you? There's no s it's the easiest letter to find After like three hours Swift gets so excited that he starts like coughing I got nervous. I, when we, so I was, I was at your house. No. I was a boy.

No. I was at your house. And then you told me to go upstairs and grab a spare, spare underwear for people who went swimming in their underwear. Yeah. Like from your, from your closet. Right.

Right. So I go upstairs and, uh, I haven't seen Durzen Swift in a really really long time and while I'm in the room Swift just starts hacking and making this noise I've never heard before it does not sound good And I'm I'm like please for the love of God Swift don't die while I am the only person to see So bad I was the only if I was the only person to see it would be so bad If I was the only if I was the only person to witness my step it would literally be like a trial Just talked about this like we were um Aria another streamer like lost her cat

She was out of town somebody was babysitting her cat. She's the one who supplied coots, right? She's the coot supplier She lost the blood boots his mother went missing the coot supplier she lost the plug coots his mother went missing oh coots senora coots his mom i don't know her name senora senora she went missing when she was out of town and she had like a cat sitter cat sitter i don't know what happened but she gets out and and and aria's stressed and she's on twitter she's like i lost my cat i don't know where my cat is and me and cutie see this and cutie's like if somebody ever lost our cat while cat sitting i would fucking kill them and so she means that she would kill you it's also crazy to like you get hired to cat sit and it's like whoopee i did i didn't do it the one thing would be would be the only thing i'm supposed to do your job is to not lose like if you just put

the cat in a room and lock the door you would would do your job. You put food under the door. You squish the meat under the door. We're saying this, we have collectively let the cats out of the house when we were together. One time, one time, one time.

It was a few. No, I remember one time it was like Defcon 5 and we all had to fucking go around the neighborhood and it was... I've never seen you like that. There was a worse time.

Wasn't that the first time that was like a contractor who opened the door and it was, it was. I've never seen you like that. There was a worse time. Wasn't that the first time that was like a contractor who opened the door and left the door open the first, the first time. The door's been open a few times,

but the time that I think it was, it's one of those, we don't say who it was. We don't say who it was. It could be any of us. Because it's not important. It's not important.

Aiden, have you ever considered that Swift was barking because like his microchip has a gaydar function? Yeah. Do you think Swift is a dog who is equally nice to gay guys? Dude, I used to have a racist dog. Swift is racist.

It was crazy. Because I had a German Shepherd. German Shepherds, you just RNG racist ones. Oh, God. That makes sense, considering. I remember I had a friend over in middle school. Whose dog was it? My dog.

It's your dog. Okay. Just so everybody knows, it is purely socially learned. You're also my dog, though. Racism in humans is also socially learned. I know, but I think it's equivalent in dogs. The next time you start talking. It's a very weird.

It's like, oh, sorry, my dog's racist. I didn't train him that way, though. Yeah, I got him from a racist guy. We've tried to, like, feed him different food. We saved him from the KKK. We saved him from a clan, a grand wizard who had to go to jail. It's like those Dobermans that race around, or those greyhounds. And, like, you save it from the racetrack. That was my dog growing up. Like a racist racetrack. We or those greyhounds and like you save it from the race track

That was my dog grown up like a racist race track. We saved a greyhound. Yeah, her name is Madeline They're gonna put her down cuz she wasn't fast anymore. What happened to Madeline? She got a gimp leg We had to saw it off when she was 12. We put her down. This is this is the plot to What's the decon we just watched Oh ready to run this is the plot What's the decon we just watched? Ready to run. Ready to run. This is the plot. They saw him off a dog's leg?

Yeah. In a sequence? It's horses. Yeah, it's horses. It replaced... So basically, the horse had a bomb in it, which detonated and killed a jockey. Is this real?

Yeah. Yeah, basically. So the daughter of the jockey has to step up and race in lieu of her dead father. Okay. Because of the horse bomb. Because of the horse bombing.

Are you being real? No, horse bombs are typical. It was given a horse... You know how there's bombs in Mario Kart? It came from a sport. This is the new version of Hemlock. Horse bombs. Horse bombs.

Imagine you're a fucking peasant on a farmstead in 1600. Why are you talking about it? It would be so weird. It's so much harder to get into the bit. And someone sends you a horse. Oh, my God.

That's exciting. What are you talking about? The Trojan horse, actually. No, but it's a real horse. Dappin! Dappin! Hold on. The Trojan horse did not have a bomb in it.

It did. No, it had guys in it. I know. That was the bomb of the time. The bomb of the time was Greek fire a bomb in it. It did. No, it had guys in it. I know, that was the bomb of the time. The bomb of the age. The bomb of the time was Greek fire. I think it was Achilles. I don't want to hear about your fucking history lessons.

He wreaked the most devastation. But what I'm saying, you receive a horse, you're like, oh my god, this horse, I can eat it? You're like, oh my god, who did this? Ashton? Where are you? Ashton? Ashton?

Ashton? Ashton? Ashton? Ashton? Ashton? Ashton? Ashton? Ashton?

Oh my god, let's read Chaucer after this. Ashton Tine? Actually, we can't read. But you get a horse, you're like, ooh, I can chop it up, I can eat all its meat. Ooh, I can ride it. Ooh, I can sell it for, like, drugs. Oh, and it's got a little LED that's flashing.

And I know what that is, LED. So I'm gonna cut into it with my knife. I'm gonna cut into it to get its delicious meat. And then boom, horse bomb. Yeah, you get horse bomb. Yeah, we just reinvented the Trojan horse, but made it worse. No, I'm not saying you reinvented it. A girl-

What the fuck? It's real? That's what I'm telling you! How come you don't believe- Whose father died in a horse racing explosion accident? This is a Disney Channel movie? Yeah. That is crazy. Dude, they put a bomb in the horse, he rode the horse, the horse fucking explode-

It was made in the 2000s So this is when they were a little post 9-11 In the movie or it when it was made Horse bombs do not fly anymore Any travel related bombs are bad if you put a horse on a plane It's got to take off his shoes and all kinds of shit. I'm tired of all these horses on this plane I could have made a better movie July 14th. Well the steel day. I was 10 years old. It's best deal day That is for best deal day. Yeah, that's fun. She is a good come down. Yes a shout out ready to run

We we unlocked it a hidden layer of the plot we realized that in the in the movie is a fucking achievement Yeah, yeah, we had pretty dope Discover it yeah The girl in question that becomes the jockey at the end of the movie she's being like she works in a horse barn That's run by this guy named. Mr. Machado And Mr. Machado, throughout the movie, starts flirting with her mom, who has lost her husband years ago. The husband who died in the horse explosion. In the horse explosion accident.

But Mr. Machado reveals, halfway through the movie, that he worked with and was close friends with the man who passed away. Oh. And the man who planted the bomb. And the man who planted the bomb. He's conflicted. And tells us in the movie that he

the first time he laid eyes on this woman her mother that he was in love with her. Which means he was in love with her when he when he worked with the dad before the explosion. He's been trying to pipe for decades.

He was secretly pining for this woman. But this character is a hero in this movie. They are never revealed to be evil. This sounds insane. He doesn't sound evil. But he clearly planted the bomb. He's been in love with the mom since before the explosion. The jockey randomly explodes.

In a horse bomb. In a horse bomb. Right. I thought you said there was a person who planted the bomb, though. But he's friends with that guy. Yeah. He's just- I'm friends with Aiden.

He does terrorist activities. But then he gets with the mom at the end of the movie. But then he gets with the mom and raises the daughter. What? It's a move, dude. And the movie uses this as like, this is a good thing. The mom's fucking now. Like, well, do you write it?

It's a family. The family's back together. The family's back together. How much time had passed from bomb to fuck uh like some years yeah maybe like four years it's a grand plan was the girl who becomes a jockey very tiny she's 14 she's 14 she's like a child yeah yeah because i was thinking my mom was 4 11 you guys know that you probably didn't because she's dead that's jockey size uh and she's She was jockey size

and I think about, I probably have a recessive gene in me to where like if I had a kid, they'd come out jockey size. Do you know my dad was 6'7"? 6'7"? He was super tall. Damn. Swedish. My uncle's very tall too. He's like 6'3". And you are... We were talking about how like the swag... Not. We were talking about

how like the swag way to be a jockey would be like really tall. Like if you're really tall and you win the race it's like that guy's pretty swag. Yeah. That guy's the best jockey in the whole lot. No, I just mean like the swag not we were talking about how like the swag way to be a jockey would be like really tall like if you're really tall and you win the race it's like that guy's pretty swag yeah that guy's the best jockey by a lot no it would just mean

like the horse is the best by a lot right no no the jockey does all the management of the horse the jockey's doing the most of the work

if the horse did everything why would we make tiny jockeys that's why they breed the jockeys at the facility they breed the jockeys next if we could get a jockey

that was basically Remy from Ratatouille we would do it. That's what they are, you idiot. Because they're lightweight. But that's what I mean. So the horse is the one doing the carrying. So defying the meta to be overweight and tall would be swag.

If you're the Waluigi of jockeys and you're winning races. I want to raise a horse and not use a jockey. I guess that's what dogs do. You know what we should do? We should have some sort of other animal that sits on a race dog. You know what I'm saying? Like jockeys and horses.

Like a race horse, I mean. Right? And like with dogs. Oh, to make greyhounds go faster. Yeah, like with greyhounds, we need someone to drive the greyhound. Like Jiminy Cricket sized creatures. Yeah. Or kids.

Like smaller dogs. You could put babies on them. That's what I'm saying, like a baby. Okay. Monkeys? babies on them. That's what I'm saying, like a baby. Okay. Monkeys? Alright. Oh my god. Yup.

It exists, you're watching a video of it, it's called monkey jockeys and they're riding Oh my god. Not greyhounds because that would be too small I think. They're riding like normal house dogs. The dogs are just, they only have one way they're allowed to go so they're just doing it. And also the monkey's getting distracted. Oh he's coming back right away.

He sees cigarettes in the crowd and he's hungry for them. Dude, this is so cool. I hope they're happy. Every time I see a monkey dressed in human clothes, people are like, you know what? That's probably a bad idea. My animal rights. You get like three paragraphs. My animal rights kind of just went out the window for a second

because I saw a monkey and a dog. I was like, okay. Yeah, I love that. The monkey's wearing a jersey with number two on it. You know what? Maybe it's fine we test makeup on them. Love of animals is actually usually the biggest harm to animal rights. What are you talking about to me?

Because people who really love animals want to see them and have a monkey pet or a frog pet. And they're the ones who are creating a breeding ground for those animals because they love them. Or they want to breed with the monkeys. Monkey Greyhound Racing is a fad in 1930. That's crazy. But they had the same idea in 1930. They're like,

someone needs to drive these animals. Yeah, you came to the same conclusion that they did just a hundred years later. post-war, Great Depression era

animal lovers. This is probably a timeless idea. World War I, you fucking, there were two of them. That is so much later than World War I.

It's 15 years. We're calling that post-war now? We're post-war right now. I'm sorry, it's pre-war. It's post-war now we're post-war right now sorry it's pre-war it's post-war post-war today we are think about that think about that think about the bomb we're also pre-war think about that which one exactly the war happening between our phones so the ones hey the next bomb you get is going to be an emoji dude you know what i'm saying because they have the bomb emoji and what does that even mean?

And then we're too busy. Too much with the phone. Welcome back to the art office. Right now, there's a war between white and black people. The next war is going to be blue and green text. What the fuck are you talking about? What was the

war between white and black people? I agree. I agree. I agree. Thank you. I agree. Someone has to be on his side. Are you talking about the Civil War? My client is correct here.

What war is he talking about? I want to know. You're so nice. The green and the blue text? No, the black and the white. That's the next text war. Green Texas Confederates. Yo, yeah.

Yeah, blue text. Real. I was saying to Aiden today. Don't. Don't what? Stop. Oh, you want me to keep talking about this? I've been rewarded for my bit.

We're moving on. I just want to say welcome back to the art episode 110. 100! Dumbin! I think you're right. Dumbin! I keep up. Dumbin.

I think 110 is right. You're usually wrong when you say that, though. Shut the fuck up, Aiden. Dumbin. Dumbin. I'm not happy with you still They were fighting Yeah

I come I come home Yeah These guys are all At each other's throats And then I ask What happened And then Aiden starts

Freaking out Goes Goes away And then Ludwig's like Nick you told him You're being a little brother Right now And I'm like

What the fuck is happening Yeah my big bro's here I'm fucked So I'm trying to impress him Nick is a little bro Nick tries to go around He starts to be like But you hear what I mean? But it's like, you gotta tell me.

You gotta tell me. That's not what happened. We were ganging up on Aiden, as we do. Yes, yes, yes. And so I was just pulling anything I had today to use, and so I used it. Do you want to see the real tea of what Aiden did this past week? Oh, yes, sir. Zipper, can you pull up our subreddit?

What? Can you go to the Yard subreddit? Oh, I didn't click this. What'd he do? Well, Aiden likes playing Valorant. I knew this would happen one day. I was thinking about this. I saw this.

Here's the post. It says, I played with Aiden. I just wanted to say I played with Aiden in Valorant. He's ascended one and dropped eight kills. We lost miserably and he yelled at the Reina on our team the whole game. Did not expect a queue with him. He thanked me for being a patreon listener lol Also played with Nate shot the other day small world and then here's the clip of Aiden chewing out this rain on his team

I cannot wait. So I'm so happy to know this but the guys in an arc Unquestionably deserved. Let's listen. Let's listen's listen it's 12 seconds oh my god it was aiding going i hope you have a miserable fucking day man and then you went i never never what were you gonna say there i never want to play with you again i i never want to see you ever again i never wanted waste my time like this ever again or something like that so fucking based and it was recorded through a wiimote yeah yeah for our audio pleasure yeah yeah bro didn't have shadow play but i still respect him getting getting whatever cobbling together whatever device out of household items to record that aiden defense i i commented

on the post i because i was joking i was like all right well you left out like funny you would leave out the details of what happened because we loaded into that game whole team super nice right away which is awesome and we're down it's not going so hot we're down down like oh five. Oh six No one's doing anything but calming and like being positive except for our Raina who is just he's whinging Let's say he's whinging about being unlucky. He's not having a great game. He's zero kills after six rounds. It's fine Nobody's being mean to him and then the next round we finally win one Raina does a good job Hold sight and then I compliment him. I say, nice round, Reina. Way to hold sight. And then he says, shut up. Oh my god.

Okay. Yeah. Sure. That is so crazy. I would have laughed so hard. And then the whole, all of us, the other four people immediately mic and we're like, what the fuck? Like, we're complimenting you, dude. You just had mic and we're like, what the fuck?

Like, we're complimenting you, dude. You just had a good round. Like, everything's fine. And he's like, no, shut the fuck up, losers. And he's mad at us for some reason. Wow. And then after that, he's on his like, I don't care. I'm throwing the game shit. Yeah.

So he starts to intentionally run it down. What rank is bro? The Reina? Yeah. I don't know. We're all like between diamond two and like a second two. Okay. Okay.

And then on attack, every round, Reyna takes the bomb intentionally and then runs away from us and runs the bomb down into the enemy team. Pure int. Pure int. So pure int. And by the like, it's like fucking,

Valorant games and when one team, you know, wins 13 rounds, scores like fucking five,ant games and when one team you know, wins 13 rounds, scores like fucking 5-10 or something like that and the dude is like bragging that he doesn't care. He keeps talking about it.

He's bragging that he doesn't care how he's four accounts. He doesn't care if he gets banned and I said, dude, it's not about winner or losing. It's about how I have to spend my fucking time with you,

you miserable piece of shit. You can't get on the mic. No! He lost. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I disagree with you. I don't think so.

Maybe how there was a hurricane that came up from Mexico into LA, maybe it brought Montezuma's revenge. And that guy had diarrhea? Everyone's getting all crazy in the head, pooping diarrhea, being tilted on the comms. Dropping bars? Everyone's just nuts. And the earthquake? Yeah. Has that ever happened in LA history? Ever? What? A hurricane in one day? I don nuts and the earthquake yeah, did you I'm saying I don't that ever happened in LA history ever what?

Hurricane in one day certainly the earthquake. I didn't feel it so I Care To our LA weather talk cuz everybody loves it But first I think he's fine Everybody likes to shelter their ego And the Reina was sheltering their ego by running it down Because they didn't willingly lose They lost by running it down They tried hard for six rounds

Anyway the point being I have no shame about this interaction And then the dude gets on the mic One of the guys he's like wait are you Aiden from the yard I'm a Patreon son I'm like oh dude that's awesome Thank you for summoning and then I keep gets on the mic one of the guys he's like wait are you aiden from the art i'm a patreon son i'm like oh dude that's awesome thank you for coming and then i keep yelling at the right you're being a dick at the right guy guys like that as someone who is probably gets paid the most money in the entire world to fuck with you and raz you it's exactly what he wants for you to have a certain blow up like that yeah but i don't think the don't

care olympics is also sheltering ego of course but there's there's ways to make this guy feel bad that aren't like you're just doing it for yourself i think i look for the angle of like okay i can hurt this person because i can get inside their mind and i know what to do you're depressed you only think the level one no i don't think so because I'm skipping. This is for the sake of the podcast. I'm skipping over a bunch of stuff where I tried it, where I'm saying there's a lot of slurs that I threw in there. And I also brought up his family. Oh, my God.

And his name was his real name. So I looked him up and I doxed him. I think that it's such a beautiful dance to find what what hurts them. For instance, you ask how tall they are. Yeah. Why is this your first thought? Because if they say 5'8", you can fucking start doing tricks on it. I just disagree with your thoughts in your head.

Really? Yeah, I do. Okay. Cause what about the other 5'8 people who are in the call who are being nice? They're getting dunked on. They're fine. What do you mean? You're using an A on the attack. Let me put you in a situation. Great. Alright, you're queuing Valorant. on the attack. Let me put you in a situation. Great.

All right, you're queuing Valorant. Okay. You're queuing with Cutie. Okay. Oof. And someone on your team is being really mean to her. Oh. What would you say to that person?

Uh-oh. I would say, hey, knock it off. He goes, shut up, loser. Knock it off, man. No, loser. This really isn't cool. I'm going to mute you if you don't knock it off. He just switches aggro, goes back to cutie. He ignores you.

Hey, let's mute this guy and get out of here. I don't want to mute him. I'm cutie now. I don't want to mute him. Huh? No, I don't want to mute him. I want to destroy him. Okay.

And now they start aggroing you. Where do you live? That's what it takes. That's what it takes. You're basically enforcing cutie's will on me in this in this example you had to have cutie reject my name which i don't think is i don't think it's out of the question you know she's like me she wants blood out of the queben she doesn't want blood she told me this story of her road rage and it was you know i was like oh she was like yeah i was at this i was at a right

you know and it's a red light but you're allowed to turn right on red in california as you are in most of the americas yeah and uh and there's a guy behind her and he's honking at her but there's people crossing the street so she can't turn right because there's a she'd have to go through a human so she's like she's like waiting but the guys are really mad he's like honking i hate that shit eventually they pass and she goes and she turns right and then he whips right and he does the wide right. And he goes up next to her and he rolls down his window. Oh shit.

And he goes, learn how to fucking drive. That's crazy. And then she rolls down her window and then this is how she's retelling it like right after it happened. And very quickly she goes, kill yourself. I literally hope you kill, I hope your car crashes and you fucking die. Oh my god. And then he just goes, learn how to drive! She's perfect.

Dude, brain, brain, brain, kill yourself to a real human argument like that is, is just insane. It's like, it's almost like next level. Being lovely in the backseat, everything goes slow motion. He's falling deeper in love with her. He's saying her like yell in slow motion. He's falling deeper in love with her. He's saying her like yell in slow motion. He's like, I want to get married. She's like.

And this is not what I would do. I've road raged in front of her once. And I think it's the last time I've road raged. Really? I've never seen you road rage in my life. It was early on our relationship. Because you won't do that in general now. No, no.

I've tried to cut it out completely. But like we were, we were driving and it was like a highway merge and it's a zipper and there's a car trying to double zipper they're trying to squeeze in on the right side and have two cars go before one car on the left but that's not the rules of the zipper all right no the rules of the zipper it's one car each side and we know the rules of the rules of the fucking zipper we know how to of the fucking zipper. We know how to drive. So I start furiously honking, and I yell, respect the zipper! And then I cut in front of him, and I was risking my car getting killed because it's not that nice of a car.

I was okay with it. So I take riskier positions than if I was driving like an Alfa Romeo. Or your sandbar, because you like it. Yeah. Basically, all cars I drive, I can risk getting a ding-dong. You can't do it with a sandbar. You just get, you go, boing. Yeah.

You can't touch a Goomba. You look like Tom when you're like unaccording to Tom and Jerry. You're doing well. It's a good car. I've rode Wage, Wawage.

You love Wage? I've rode Wage in front of a girl one time. Wow. But it was very minor. I just, I just like slammed the horn and like,

kind of waved my fist at the guy. That's like, that's like the top of the range of what you should be doing. Yeah. You know, because he like the person was like backing out of a parking garage. They crossed over traffic. So like over the on way traffic to the other side where I am and I'm in a turn lane and they're going full speed backing into my car, but they're far away.

So I think a lot of time to process what they're doing and I'm honking and they're not stopping yeah and they go like all the way and they finally check behind them and they like slam their brakes like this close to my car and i just like got really mad my car does this thing where it's like if it thinks i'm about to crash it stops playing music and it beeps at me really hard it's like beep beep beep but sometimes like it's just a narrow street and it's like, there's just shit. There's, like, cars really close to me anyway, and sometimes I'm just like, shut up, bro. I turn mine off. Like, let me live.

I kept the beep, but you can, in my car, you can turn off it turning your music down. Yeah? Yeah, so I just, so I still hear the beep, I just, my music stays the same volume. If I'm gonna fucking, if I'm gonna explode in a fiery ball of fire like Tony Star, I wanna be listening to Hollywood Undead. I wanna backtrack. I want something playing. You cars are so crazy.

I was driving Cutie's car, and if you drive fast, and it thinks you're about to hit something, it stops. Yeah. It just stops. You can't control it. I have this on mine,

and it bailed me out. I was parallel parking, and I think I would have hit the car behind me because I was going just a little bit too fast. I was trying to squeeze into too small of a space, and it slammed my brakes for me. I don't like this i didn't know my mind's making me a worse driver because that exact thing happens to me all the time where i know i cannot hit a car behind me if i'm parking the car will my car will stop me so like my car is

like 360 cameras so you know it's like exactly where i am yeah so i can just like do that and i'll just it was all my break do you do that no I'll just haul my brake. Do you do that? No, of course not. I just know, like I parallel park really confidently because it won't let me hit anything. See, my car will let me kill myself and it's done it before. You got the old, the old Jetta. Yeah. One time I was parked at a friend's house and I was making a joke with my Jetta and he had like this driveway that like goes off into like a little like forest that has like a little fall off.

And I was making a joke that I was Like I'm gonna drive down. I'm gonna drive down, but I forgot that I was in drive and not park So I slammed on it to make the rev noise and then I just went forward into the fucking forest that I had to get it Towed out, but that's what I should have happened. I want my metal box to Threaten me you guys want but you just like dying in vehicles. That's like your new thing. Yeah, you're just like into dying. Yeah, I did see this TikToker. It's actually a horrible story. It's this female motorcycle influencer.

And that's like a very popular brand of influencer for motorcycles. Yeah, I've seen these. They record their interactions of like dude to drive up next to them and say stuff. Yeah. Hey, are you a girl? And then like, yeah, and then they. Yeah. Hey! Are you a girl? And then they drive off.

This guy called me a girl on my bike. And they all wear Catwoman costumes. You have to. It's Florida law. All women do that regardless of if they have a bike. It's true. That's just going out. It's under their clothes. She posts this TikTok and it's like her on her motorcycle

and she's like looking cool she got the helmet and then she like flips up the eye things and she's like everyone says you're gonna die

on this thing and she flips up the thing she rolls her eyes she goes psh okay and then the like

next part of the video is like woman dies in motorcycle accident no yeah she died oh my god that's so

that is exactly what you don't want to happen it's the last TikTok she ever posted. No fucking way. Hold on, hold on. So, I'm confused. So she recorded herself rolling her eyes. Yes, at this like common phrase, like she, like you know on TikTok you can put a quote.

And then someone else posted to her account? No, no, no, no, no. She posted it to her own account. Oh, someone took an old TikTok. No, no, no, she posted this herself. to her own account. Oh, someone took an old TikTok. No, no, no. She posted this herself. Listen, she posted the original video of her saying,

I'll never die in a motorcycle crash. Someone else then took that video and then made their own video of her posting that and then posting

that she died. Yeah, when she was saying she posted it herself, that's what she did. It's basically hater activity. It's like, because the only reason to do that is to be like,

uh... Got you, you're wrong. But she's dead as fuck. And I to do that is to be like, uh. Got you. You're wrong. But she's dead as fuck. And I can't even tell you you're wrong, but you are. That's crazy hater activity. I feel a bit of hostility. I feel like you guys are being a bit aggressive to the way I look.

You should. This is not the first time I shave my head, though. Zipper, can you pull up the picture? That's why I said you look like old Ludwig. That used to be me. You look like that now. Dude, this picture is insane. This is the worst.

Was it your diet? Can you cut out the picture? Was it your diet? Switch off! It was two factors. One, sure, my hair. But the other, I was 20 pounds heavier in that picture. And I've lost a lot of weight.

You were a stinky dude. How'd you do it? In part, thanks to HelloFresh, the sponsor of today's podcast. Alright, if you guys don't know, you can cook your own meals so you don't have to order out. Because they have a lot of sodium in foods that you order, that's why it tastes good. Yeah. But when you order HelloFresh, you know exactly what you're eating. And you just ate burgers. I know what you're thinking, I don't want to cook my food because it's confusing and cookbooks and I can't read.

I've never thought that. But they portion all of it out because you can't read and that's what you're thinking about all the time. But they portion it all out. You just dump it all in. I have a degree in English. Yeah, somehow you pass this stinky to mark you can't read it You got it back when you lost weight by eating healthier with HelloFresh, but before that I had to read things to him Yeah, that's right. So that was your his main responsibility as your PA. Yeah well they have a lot of options for any weekly meals pescatarian You thought said wheels I had to explain that yeah It was like Ludwig it's not wheels and then you can also choose from over a hundred items to round out your order much like Ludwig

Look why would it be wheels? Can you guys check out hello fresh snacks easy lunches they really got it all go to hello fresh dot-Com It's hard for him five zero the yard 50 the yard 50 the number and use code 50 the yard for Get there. It's hard. It's a tough one. That's a percentage sign. It's the same number 50 and percent Plus free shit, but you know ampersand percent off plus free shipping. You can't read but you know ampersand. That's HelloFresh.com. HelloFresh.com. 50 the yard. 50 the yard. Use code 50 the yard. You go there. It's America's number one meal kit and it will make you able to read better. Let's go back to the podcast before

we do anything. So that's why you guys should stop driving motorcycles. I watched the dash cam video of somebody driving their bike and they get hit by a car at like in the middle of the highway while they're going like 60 70 miles an hour and the dude gets launched off the bike yeah yeah onto the side of the road and the woman comes screaming running up to him and this guy is just it's kind of a hard video watch because he's like he's kind of shouting and like screaming in pain but the woman comes up to him and it's like I'm so sorry I'm so sorry are you okay and he's just like no I'm not fucking okay I just got launched out of a carnival cannon

are you okay has to be the worst phrase that we use as Americans well we don't know what to say how many meters did I fly? did we break a record? how many nitrous? dude he flies so far you have first- How many meters? Dude, he flies so far. You have first-person perspective on the video, and he goes so far. Yeah. That's how it goes.

Dubbin, be careful, Dubbin. I'm very careful. Guinness should be, like, on call in the hospital. If something bad happens, you get an accident. No. Because then at least something good comes out of it. No. Because you win, like, a record.

And then people are trying to max, like, record max. Also, Guinness is, like, a very fraudulent site that you can just pay for the record guy With no records guy with no They have a record many records actually on Guinness for Mario Party 4 I do know that they're all easily breakable And if you submit they go we don't do that anymore I realize that with the the Mario Kart record Trials in like one of the books, and I was looking at the times, and I'm like, that's not even...

I think my time's better than that. I love that idea. And at the time, I used the Wii wheel to play. Maybe that's a category. Maybe that's what it is. Wheel records? No, it's just because they're bad at their fucking jobs, and they're just a marketing company.

Isn't everything a marketing company? No. So you're telling me you man Mandem with the fingernails? Are you telling me I shouldn't buy it at the book fair? This year? You're 27.

What if we all grow out our fingernails like Mandem who had the long ones and then we have a competition to have the longest fingernails on the yard?

Gal Dem. It'd be so hard, dude. I cut my nails so frequently. I bite mine. Yummy me now. Yummy. Yummy me. That's a good idea. We should do that. Do you think we should do that? Yeah. I think it's a good idea to. I feel like we could flake on it. Like everything else we fucking flake on Mr. fucking SAT loser loser loser.

What the fuck did I do? You guys all bailed on my SAT. I'm the one who asked when are we doing it. You bailed. I bailed because I work for you. What are we doing? I'm building a shoot that we're doing in like five days. For what? I can't talk about it. Wait, wait, what is it? You can't talk about it? I know.

Oh god, I. All right. Hey, so Archie's going to bleep that out, but I want you guys to know it is probably one of the biggest brands in the entire world. Not even exaggerating even a little bit. You just take two hours off to do SATs. I take two hours off to do the SATs. I was down. I was ready to go.

You're looking at me and you're talking at me and your beef is with the twink. I had planned. What was your plan? I was gonna do 2CB. You was gonna do 2CB You were gonna do 2CB with your friends You were gonna take hallucigenics and fucking sit there and be like will I be this way forever?

Sounds like a Rhyme Stairs rapper Did you do this? No we got rained out, rain check Hillary, Hillary Stead What is 2CB? Rain check It's some fucking new drug he's into It's not, no it's not

Is it not a drug you can play video games on a side but instead you want to take like newfangled drugs like from wuhan and it's like okay cool straight out of wuhan 2cb does sound like a drug in 23 oh no sorry it's called 4bromo25dimexafosafenafetamilamine it's a psychedelic which means it can affect all senses i'm doing it for my bromos i'm gonna get It's called 4-bromo-2-5-dimexafosafenafetamilamine. It's a psychedelic, which means it can affect all senses. I'm doing it for my bromos. I'm going to get a text from my dad now.

Dude, this literally looks like a drug they would sell on 23rd Street. Yeah. Two CBs taking over the high school. Is it like a research chemical? Why is it called that? Is it new? Are they making new drugs? Yeah, they developed it to teach monkeys English.

Yeah, and to help them ride dogs. Was there a 1CB? How does it new? Are they making new drugs? Yeah, they developed it to teach monkeys English. Yeah. And to help them ride dogs. Was there a 1CB? How does it work? Well, yeah, the 1CB, the monkeys didn't want to get on the dog. Are you bored about that? And then they tried 2CB and the monkeys got on the dog. The monkeys wanted to be dogs.

Why would LSD be the dog? Why would LSD and mushrooms? Like, get rid of those? Yeah, it's boring. Aiden's a trendy guy with an Acme t-shirt and he fucking doesn't like doing normal drugs. Like normal blue collar drugs like LSD. He's too good for that shit. And it's so fucking cool. It's cool. You're cool. I think if Monclair made a drug he'd overdose and kill himself. Oh my god. Balenciaga's $500 a gram hallucinogenic.

Buy her a $3000 sweater, get one pill of Balenciaga. Yeah, I took it. I heard get one pill It's great I'm not coming from a place of hostility I know it's making it harder to converse with a hard advocate for safe and researched Yeah, you can use whatever you want. However safe you want I'm not boofing why not why not why not why not why not why not why not for you? I'm not saying it's not good to boo. What?

Let your anal walls absorb the drug. Let your anal walls absorb the drug. And I don't do drugs anally. I don't do anything anally. I don't even do drugs that- Well, that's why. I knew he was a poser. I knew you were a fucking poser. What I'm asking you is, when, like, how- Do you have like a group chat where you're like,

Oh, ugh, not LSD. Have you heard of to CB? Yes Donors weekly And I've lived in LA for a few years, I feel like I should know most of the drugs by now Yeah, and I simply will not do anything. That's not trendy enough. That's what it is. And you're right. I gave him what he wanted right away in the valet. I skipped over all these other winning parts as if I don't

edit or modify anything I say in a podcast environment. You're filling my mana bar right now. I'm in a really cool barista. I'm actually going to

heat up his blood on a spoon and eat it later. We actually arranged to eat each other's poop and semen. Oh my god, my mana bar is so

overfilled right now. It's miserable. Why are you miserable? I'm miserable. Why? Because you can't do your fucking new trendy drugs made by Montclair?

No, because I can't even, you don't care. Imagine you're like Gucci starting to drop nachos everywhere. One, you don't care what the answer is.

You don't care. Two, I can't explain without tying in people's names that don't want to be named in a public environment. Use fake names. Use fake names? Oh, Joe has talked about it for a really long time and it's a drug from a book from a guy who synthesized a lot of drugs that don't have any basically any negative side effects and i feel weird talking about drugs it's a wonder drug yeah

it's a wunderdruck that's the gun in nazi. It's a wunderdrug. That's the gun in Nazi Zombies. Wunderdrug. And now I'm going to get a text from my dad about how I shouldn't be trying anything, even though I'm fucking smart, and I fucking research, and I, oh my God. You're square. I talk to him.

And the viewers are going to be like, you shouldn't be talking about hard drugs on the podcast. And you're saying this all while packed. And I'm packed the fuck up right now. So why? He's packed up on four dogs. That's why he's all fucking neurotic. Why is it I'm caffeinated,

and I'm mad at you, and I'm mad at you. What the fuck is you? You're fine. You're fine. Wait, wait, wait. Sorry, stop, stop, stop. I'm always fine. Are you actually that dense? Wait, you're mad at me from just now, right?

Hmm? Not from anything earlier. Yeah. Okay. That's all. Nothing you need to do earlier. It was crazy you said, what the fuck did I do when it was so obvious. I just thought, because he's mad at you for shit from before.

I'm getting called autistic before the podcast. I'm fucking, I'm on my, I'm on my itch. I'm on my itch. It doesn't feel good, does it? I have to deal with raiders in my game running the spike down into enemy players. I have to deal with you fucking, fucking up the machines. Dumping. I have to do a zipper pull and have to clip.

Yeah. 713, that was win it was ever put up to clip. Yeah. Seven 13. That was winnable. So winnable. If you don't peek window, you can get there. Okay. You know what?

Hey, it's cool. It's cool that we can talk about doing drugs and people are like, you shouldn't do that. That's unethical. And then slime's like

looking at a dead kid's penis is fine. And everyone's like, that's the best part. You want to know another funny Reddit story is that there is a guy on the subreddit who posted is anyone uh kind of noticing there's a lot of incel language lately on the show and it was just and then the the body of the message or the body

of the post is just a slant smiley face like and instead of elaborating or talking about it because we say goon and apparently that's an incel thing and like trad wife and shit and this person and a lot of people were like walking this guy through holding his hand be like this is why i'd like that's not a thing and they're obviously making fun of it they're obviously like roasting this sort of culture and the guy is just like arguing with people and then someone is like i think you need to delete this post and like touch grass and he's like if i were you i would kill myself and then i so i banned the guy and i'm like look all the moral hand-wringing about using the word goon and trad wife and then he tells him to kill himself all the time right like that i'm banning you right and then he gets mad at me in dms he starts yelling at me and i'm like this is why i

think you're wrong and i was very patient and i talked to him and i was like i think you need to examine the context of the post. I think you're just wrong and everyone's really self-aware, which is rare on Reddit, except you. I think that's really important to look at. And also you're high and we can all tell. And then he said, what did he say?

How is this for virtual signaling? I hope you relapse, junkie scum. And I'm like, that's crazy. Why are you so,, like how are you? You can't, you hadn't, you have to pick a struggle. How can you be the guy who says that and makes that post?

Yeah, I've had it happen before. Sometimes I'll tell someone on the subreddit, like, I think you're being dumb and I don't think I'm out of line. And they'll be like, uh, don't talk to me.

Orphan. Fuck your dead parents. And I'm like, Whoa, I don't know. Maybe he thought it was stolen valor. And that's why he was mad that we were using incel language. He'm like, okay. Whoa. I don't know. Maybe he thought it was stolen valor and that's why he was mad that we were using incel language.

He was like, is anyone who realized they're not incels and they're using our big? They're not even in the subreddit. I checked every post. Are you an orphan if your parents died? That's what I was thinking too. Not if you're an adult.

My parents died when I was 18 and then later on when I was in my 30 later on Is there a word for that? It's called being a human Everyone goes through this That just happens to most people I don't know Everyone goes through this Or dies before they go through it

It's like But there's a word for like widow And that happens to like Basically anyone in a relationship Well I was married to my mom So Wait are you a widow? What's the

What's the word for A widower? If you're a husband If you're married to your mom Yeah And your a widower? If you're a husband who loses. You're married to your mom. Yeah. And your mom dies. Which I was.

It's a Colorado thing. Yeah. No sex. What? Oh, you're surprised. I just tap back in. A double orphan? Yo, bro, he went off the ramp.

Double orphan. Pits to chesty. Shit was wild. Hits the crook on the three-stair. Pretty steezy. He hits an 85 for it, though. Dude, front foot catch. Brian's unbelievable, bro.

But yeah, look, here's the thing. We all get taken to our tattered edge. Aiden, I want to offset this by saying what I said before the podcast. I think your fit is amazing. I think that's the most attractive you've ever looked, color-wise, fit-wise, in addition to your hair. Everything fits.

Thanks. And I meant that. I said this is the most attractive you've ever looked, and I meant it. And you know when I say shit like that, I mean it. It's when you wear your Italian suit. I'll bounce this back out. Aiden, yesterday, he sent me a picture.

He was like, I saw a picture of Jack Harlow wearing the jacket I just bought. And he's like, what does this mean? Does this mean that I'm the same as him? Yeah, you have white boy swag. What did he say? Like, does this mean that this is me or something? And I'm like, no, child. And I sent him the picture of him wearing the worst outfit he's ever fucking worn. What was it, the big super culture hoodie?

It was a big shirt with the zipper. And then like the moon pants. And I was like, this is you. That's why you're pushing fashion. Because you're willing to wear the ugly fits. I look like I have a muffin top in that photo. That's so beautiful. Because you're so far from one.

He's packing on pounds. He's getting fat for us. You're getting fat for me? He's getting big for us. Can I feed you and feed you? Until you're huge. You can. I want to feed you cookies with my hands. I've gained 10 pounds in a month.

What? Yeah. He's getting big for us. Is that even possible? He did it. It's not only within reason to think it's possible, but it happened in front of you so you have proof. Just like Hurricane Hillary, I didn't see shit. No pick, no proof. No hands. No hands on a hurricane. Look at the trees. It didn't happen. Just like Hurricane Hillary. Didn't happen. I didn't see shit.

No pick, no proof. No hands. No hands on that hurricane. Look at the trees. It didn't happen. Look at the trees. They're still up. It didn't happen.

It was funny how quickly everyone found out about it. Because nobody knew about this week ago. Yeah. And then how quickly it went away. That's how hurricanes work. They show up real quick and they're like, hey, get ready. Yeah, we got hit by a devastating Category 1. It wasn't even. It was how hurricanes work. They show up real quick and they're like, hey, get ready. Yeah, we got hit by a devastating Category 1. It wasn't even.

It was a tropical depression. I found out about it because I was trying to drive and Apple Maps was like, maybe you shouldn't drive. Hurricane's coming. This is like Thursday. It was going to Pog Champs and I'm like, I don't think this should stop me. Dude, I got a PB in neon white. I've been trying to go for

really good times and then as soon as I did, I got the earthquake warning. And I'm like, maybe I'm just him. Does the earthquake warning, me and QT were debating about this, come before the earthquake is felt? No, I don't think it goes out that fast. They can't predict earthquakes in the same way, right? They can predict it before it comes, but it's a matter of seconds, I think. Yeah. So is it more like, this is what you maybe felt?

Or it's like where the epicenter is because it like goes out in a wave. Right. But I got the notification right when it happened. Yeah. And as you felt it? Yeah. The moment I felt it, I got the notification. Oh, interesting.

I didn't feel it. It's hard to tell if I was feeling it. If I couldn't tell it was happening before and then now I'm looking at it, I could pay attention and I felt it because I was looking at my TV Like wobble. Oh wow But I didn't really feel it until I saw that the building was kind of wobbling And I just assumed it was the wind picking up baby ass earthquake, bro. Dude. Nothing has hands in California don't We don't need to

Fire up the wildfire killed 111 people when in a week ago in Maui There's like a there's a there was a daily episode about this this week was like a 45-minute episode That's pretty much just this one guy who barely escaped Lahaina which is like a small town on the island, and his story of how he got out. And I just cried in my car. That's crazy. Was it natural?

The fire? Yeah. I don't know if they know the origin. They didn't come up in the show. Nick's sweating. Yeah. I just want to say I was in Hawaii Yeah I'm saying bro

But it was like Way earlier than that You left a cashed out Cherryed out Fucking pipe bro Classic Nick bro Him and his fires You know

Ash in the blunt My hometown is getting Has gotten evacuated Really Kelowna and BC Cause the fires are so big there Shit man And uh

I don't Do you guys know What Yellowknife is It's the capital Of like the northern Territory. So like way up, like where Canada is supposed to be cold. I've never heard of this. That's also getting fucking evacuated.

For fire? Because the fires are so big in Canada. Canada's just fucking on fire. Yeah, Mother Nature will take back what's hers. Finally. Mother Nature with a blunderbuss. Takes back what she wants. What she...

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Why don't you take off your hat? What's up? Why don't you take off your hat for us and we'll go back to the episode. We'll go back to the episode right now. All right. You're making a grave mistake. Yeah, Slime has been messaging me What's up? Why don't you take off your hat for us and we'll go back to the episode. We'll go back to the episode right now. Alright. You're making a grave mistake.

Yeah, Slime has been messaging me and it's just a picture of him and you posted it on Twitter too. And it's just like, I'm powerful. I'm so big and strong. Oh my god. I can kill a man. We might, we might, I can't, I can't even talk. We can't. It's alright. Hey, hey, welcome to the yard where we can't talk about shit.

Where we censor ourselves. We gotta censor ourselves. And we're always on our phones. And all we do is goon and mog incels. And don't follow through with things you say and do. And I fucking... Ironically, they're trad wife. And I believe it in the principle.

And we make her cook food and fucking bear chin rear children the podcast ends when our Mennonite village is finished getting so that's what you made us talk about Ludd this that was me mm-hmm high-five stolen you just bring it you're just bring a Disney shirt yeah you're a Disney adult. I just like this shirt. It's not even vintage. It's from Tokyo Disney, eat my shit. It's special. So you're on Ludwig Corp. Does it make it better?

Ask Ludwig. If he said that, you'd be like, so because it's from Japan, it's special. He's just not allowed to say that. That's all. I don't believe it. It's not from Japan, it's just a commercial good. It's from Tokyo Disney, you fucking idiot disney you fucking idiot look at the tag it's not made in japan vietnam tell you that much oh he's so powerful southeast asia home big tokyo disney resort made in i'm guessing singapore i'm going vietnam sing's not a manufacturer of shirts.

It doesn't show it. Tokyo. It doesn't show it. It doesn't show it. It's made in Japan. Wait, maybe it's down here. Maybe it's on the side. They do have the second one. They do have the second one.

Ah. Ah. They have to put it. Made in Vietnam. Yeah. It says it in English, which is funny. The rest of the tag is in Japanese. They always got the global south under The rest of the tag is in Japanese. They always got the

global south under the thumb of the global north. Tell us more, Ludwig. We gotta solve it, Aiden. Can I get on trend? Can you finance my journey on steroids? No. I genuinely, if anyone is listening, do not do

steroids. I think it's really bad. I think it's chill to take trend if you're 36. If you're 36? Yeah. Why? Why that specific age? Because your testosterone output starts to go down. I think that's still bad. Maybe like microdose Tren. Fine. Microdose? Now you're endorsing it.

I don't want to be on the fucking Dexerdo shit. I've done zero research. Do it. If you call Tren like fucking K44 and give it to Aiden, he'll just do it. Oh yeah, that's true. He'll be like, oh cool, what's this? Aiden is literally one weekend away from just doing steroids casually with his drug friends. Yeah. I don't have

drugs. Yeah, we actually all lifted weights. You don't have drugs, so it's so bad. It's a group of people that you do drugs with. You make it sound like I'm going under the, I'm gonna go to the underpass after this and go do crack. I think he lifts weights because he thinks it's cool it says kilogram on the side. Yeah, Aiden's a Yorubu so bad

he only talks about his lifts and kilos. I actually can translate. I know the math in my head. I can't wait until he gets so big that you can kill him all. Just lifting so many heaps of kilos. I'm gonna get so big. He's gonna get so big. I'm gonna get so big. I'll fucking kill you, bro. He's gonna kill you. Aiden, here's the hierarchy. You will never be able

to defeat me in combat. I will never be able to defeat defeat ludwig and that's how it's just gonna work i'm gonna get big enough to defeat both of you that's what i said that's what's going to happen me and you it's me and you then what's that get on trend we can we can take them down he can't do shit he climbs a v8 and i get on trend it's over for you to do i'm gonna walk into a room and i don't know nick's above me yeah that is that is a good point. Nick's gonna be in the rafters. I go high vs him, I go low vs you. You guys are fucked. You guys are shit. You're like, I can't get down there.

If we go for Slime's calves, he doesn't have the mobility to grab you anymore. Me and Ludwig back to back lethal weapon, and these are our lethal weapons? You guys are fucking dead. You guys are the goons that we give one punch and you're knocked out. No, we're fucking like Dalsim. We're range fighters. You guys are fucking dead. Yeah, and you're in blast phase. You guys are the goons that we give one punch, so you're knocked out. No, we're fucking like Dhalsim. We're range fighters. You guys are so...

This is not even a competition. Oh, so we're grapplers? We have a chance of taking down that one. He's powerful. He is powerful right now. I'm a ranger. He's been all over the world. You're just a ranger in D&D.

Remember his rib. Remember his rib. Oh, his rib. My rib is fine now. It's healed. Do you have a weak rib? It used to be, but then I drank milk. That was not even my rib.

He's so strong. That was my diaphragm. That was, you got a strong diaphragm. I'm going to write in the rib one time for the one time. I like that. I like the idea of damaging Ludwig and him doubling over. I've never seen it. You want to see me, like, keel over?

Yeah, she was like, ugh! I puke. Last time I did that is when my appendix burst. You went, ugh! I don't think it was that, like... Ring out. I was like... It was like...

One guy from New Hampshire versus a vestigial organ that we no longer need. Did beat me. I wish I had the Soul Calibur voice, guy. He's like the Bruce Buffer of video games. Who's Bruce Buffer? Let's get ready to rumble, which is a copyrighted phrase wish every sound effect like that

in a video game came out of a Wiimote equivalent speaker. Just a fucking three cent cost manufactured speaker. Yeah. Yeah. Make everything better. We should make the Wiimote episode of the pod. I don't know what that means. Like bad audio? Do you know?

We distribute the whole episode on an SD card and you play it through Nintendo. Don't. Like, it's the only way to consume it. I hate that he likes the idea. Don't do that.

That's so stupid. There's a little homebrew app that has, there's an MP3 player homebrew app that you can make play. We could probably use our lamp to play the podcast,

and we can make anything play audio. Yeah, but it'd be a Wii. Yeah, but you have to hack your Wii to do it, dude.

We hack it into the Wii shop. We should, we should do the Shia LaBeouf where we record an episode and we hide it your Wii to do it, dude. We hack it into the Wii shop. We should do the Shia LaBeouf. We record an episode and we hide it somewhere. We do it in a hole. And we get Rainbolt to try to find the location. And then someone has to go get it. And then it's just 90 minutes of us describing fucking Rainbolt's mom.

Is it? Is it? We do it at Rainbolt's address. Hey, where is it, little bro? No, you gotta be more specific, man. We don't get it. We don't really know. I don't think you know where it is.

Can you, you can dice up Rainbolt, you just, you put a location in China, right? Isn't Geo, like GeoGuessr just doesn't have China on it? Well, then he'll know it's China. Oh, really? There's no...

There's gotta be a few banned countries from GeoGuessr. We just AI generate like smirging town. It's like, hey, where is this? He spends years looking for it. Yeah, it breaks his brain. Is there a Chinese service that does it though, probably? Like a Google Earth equivalent. Yeah, probably.

For the Chinese population. Probably. You could probably get that. I bet, yeah. It makes sense North Korea wouldn't be on Google. They're not on there. Yeah, what are the other countries that have it banned? But we could not put it in North Korea.

What? We could not get like a hard drive into North Korea and take a picture of it. That's true, yeah. We could. There's several countries that are banned. You could boof a hard drive into North Korea. Oh wait wait it says oh to majority of africa there's a lot of tunisia senegal ghana nigeria uganda kenya like a lot of

africa oh wow and then some small micro states in small island nations and then the middle east and china so no micro states so your pants saudi arabia is not on there Why not? Government probably said no Either because the government said no or the Google people didn't think it was safe. But MBS likes Dota. Yeah. What is it? I think it's a different prince that likes Dota. Oh really? I thought it was MBS who's dappling them all. There's a bunch of princes. They're a shitload. What does that have to do with anything? Oh my god I'm talking 80 Jesus Christ. Why are you yelling at me now? I'm just being loud. MBS is the

president of Saudi Arabia. He's the crown prince. He's the crown prince. Much like Biden is our crown prince. He's the president. I'm talking to him. He's the crown prince. Aiden's our crown prince. And your trad wife. And your trad wife. Angle and devil. First to be both.

He was elected to both offices. Is Trad Witch his traditional wife? Yeah. Yeah. Which is much like Rit to Vern. What is it? Like Rit to Vern to Western values. Oh, return to Western values.

Which is basically Sir Racist Dog Whistle. All right, I see. Which is bad. I'll say it. Guy on Reddit. I'll say that. I don't like that. Hey, guy on Reddit, I don't actually

want a trad wife and I think that would be a poor way to treat somebody. Does that help you? And girl on Reddit. Does that help you now? It could be either. That I don't think that... The results were in, by the way. The female demographics favorite bear. Oh, who is it?

Slide! Some unders. They all think they could fix you. You can't. Wait, what's the, how did you do the poll? There's a poll on, once again, the subreddit. Getting a lot of news time today. All the polls, I realize they all go the same way. Because everybody thinks it would be cringe to vote for Ludwig,

and then me and Nick are somewhere around the same, and then you win. No, you're second place. This is every poll. You're always second place. But Boogergate changed a couple minds and Ludwig has a couple

devout fans who's like, I'm basic. I like Ludwig the most and that's fine too. Something wrong with that. And then Nick is the favorite among lesbians.

Yeah, I learned that. Which we found out. Because he's a lesbian sister. Because I'm lesbian coded is what they say. I can relate. Oh, what is that? Is that just so...

They say I look butch. This is just a meter... It's come full circle. What? This is bullying. They're just saying you look like a lesbian. I said it. Is it bullying if lesbians are saying it?

No, they all unanimously said it was a compliment. Yeah. Which is what you would say if you were secretly bullying someone. So I'm not actually sure. But they don't want to hurt your feelings. Yeah. But ultimately, we're doing a contest where it's like, who do you like more? There's not supposed to be good feelings.

I'm Ellen DeGeneres. Nick is our Ellen DeGeneres. It good feelings. I'm Ellen DeGeneres. Nick is our Ellen DeGeneres. It used to be the DeGeneres. Ellen DeGeneres. I was never Ellen DeGeneres. The DeGeneres. Come on. What?

The tweet, bro. Yeah, but I was, I didn't look like her. I forgot. And I came up with it before Ellen, and that's what nobody respects. I said this back in 2017 when I was the most evil I've ever been to you, and I said either you and Ellen have the same comedic trajectory, or you took it from Ellen. Either way...

And you both abuse your staff. This is a graveyard of L's, and you abuse your staff. I don't abuse my staff. Oh, you don't abuse your staff? Look at this fucking kid. What? He's freaking out. You're the one who literally should...

He might keep getting taller. If anything, you're the one who needs to get canned after today. What did I do? You brought your balls out for the Your balls were out for four minutes we're back We had to cut because the cameras turned off And I'm fine now boyfriend check last time you got flowers for your girlfriend go for her birthday at the end of May. Um,

I think it was like two months ago. It's not that bad. This week. This week. That's why you can't say boyfriend. You just did it. When was it before that? Before that?

What was the time before that? Uh, it was probably like a month. No, it was maybe two months. What is she like more than flowers? It's like a thing to bring home. Swift? Oh, like a thing to gift. Like a puppy?

I don't know. Do you think she'd be happy if you brought a puppy? Is it quality time? I don't think so. Is it quality time? What if you said an hour to watch anime? Is it words time? I don't think so. Is it quality time? What if you said you have an hour to watch anime? Is it words of affirmation? It's probably just me hanging out.

Really? You're the present. My presence is the presence. That's so beautiful. Natural eyes. Crazy. Natural eyes. Fuck, I had something to talk about with Eamon right

And he's holding a flower Yeah Cause I I wanna mend The bridge There's no bridges to mend We can We can mend this bridge

So you have no relationship Me and Eamon Or it's not No it's cause the bridge Was so strong But now I wanna lace The bridge with flowers Oh you wanna get sexy

I want a horse bomb To go over our bridge So you don't I want I want some i want some conflict y'all are not on the same page right now no i i we can have both we can have the flowers and the horse bomb you can't be on the same page with a guy that i could kill with one punch he could not you could not kill him with one you can kill like anybody with one punch isn't that the

whole thing the sternum thing that like stops their heart the What? A football player had a five finger exploding heart. You probably need someone bigger than that person. It's also not like something that I think you can learn. I could not punch the rock in any way that would kill him. I think it's like an RNG thing. I could kill the rock. There is RNG. And I think that goes beyond.

Don't let him. Don't breeze over it. You can't kill the rock. I could kill the rock with one punch. No, you couldn't. You could kill it. Give him enough chances. Like if you could reset.

No, no, no, no. If you could reset like a tool assisted speed punch. No, you couldn't. Give him enough chances. Like, if you could reset, if you could reset, like, a tool-assisted speedrun, then he has a shot. You're basically individually coming up with the idea for One Punch Man, which is already an existing IP.

That's so smart. He's also bald. How old is One Punch Man? The show? When was it created? Just, like, 10 years ago, maybe? It was, like, a pretty, it's, like, a very young,

I think, like, high school or college-age guy who just did it as a webcomic so they went pretty viral did they just steal it from Kill Bill which stole it stole it from

2009 I don't think Kill Bill stole One Punch Killing either I think this concept has been around since Horse Bomb Time well that's what

they stole it but like they didn't create it is what I'm saying yeah but either way that's what I wanted to say but we should do

a podcast episode I was saying where everyone switched in different way, that's what I wanted to say. But we should do a podcast episode, I was saying, where everyone switched in different spots. I know it's not that special sounding, but from our perspective, it's crazy. One time I sat in Nick's chair and it was like, it's like I couldn't think right. Yeah, it is a weird human phenomenon. This happens in like

classrooms. Like everyone has a seat and anytime you switch your seat, it's like, whoa. Yeah, it's like looking at the room upside down You look at it I think that we could like like if we just like went out in public But stood in the wrong order be kind of weird if someone met us they'd be like this is what they don't recognize And then one of us scoots over and it's like whoa No, I think it'd be it'd be more weird if we all always

Standed in the same way. Yeah outside weird if we all always standed in the same way outside. We'd walk at the same speed. We'd walk at the same speed. Too bad we don't fucking hang out anymore. We don't. We're always on our phones. Actually, we hung out. You didn't want to go.

What? We didn't hang out. We're always on our phones. We all got lunch. You were on your phone. We weren't. We're always on. We were chatting about We weren't. We're always on. We were chatting about life and love. We were.

We were doing that. We were chatting about life and love. Oh, yeah. You guys were talking about girlfriend shit. What I was going to do that whole time. You would talk about. I had my balls out. I would have my balls out at the brunch table.

Are you on dating apps? No. You're just not looking? No. I thought about it, but I feel like I kind of look like shit right now, and I want to take like banger pics. But you're powerful. But you could kill someone with one punch? That could be your bio. Yeah, it's not beautiful. Violence isn't beautiful. Women can smell the pheromones of power. Wait, violence is beautiful because you could protect. I will kill you in one punch or protect you with one punch. Dude, that's my dating profile. Yeah, that's your bio.

I'm not an age. To kill anyone with one punch, guarantee. Would you rather be killed by me or for me to kill someone on your behalf? Answer this question. And that's your picture of you with Tony Star. And then in parentheses you write, I am actually bald now. How hot do you have to be to get away with this? I thought my hair off.

How hot do you have to be to get away with that? To put that in your bio on a dating app and get away with it. I think the bio is almost irrelevant for certain looks. I think if you're really hot, you just swipe. The bio is important. First pick, you don't even scroll. I know it's important, but certain. I think you're really hot you just swipe Yeah, I always in pole first pick you don't scroll I know it's important, but I'm saying if you're hot enough then it isn't important I don't know if you had that if you have zero is the DMS then that's you know Yeah, but you can't be hot and like threatened. Yeah, you're saying you're saying something insane

That's what I could kill you so how hot do you have to be to get away with having I could kill you. So how hot do you have to be to get away with having, I could kill you with one punch. You have to literally like a famous movie star. No, no, I think, I think if you're just really, really hot, you can do that.

And then people will like test the water, but they're not going to like, I think women don't want, no matter how hot you are, they don't want to be killed by a man. You speak for women. You speak for women. Will they get one swipe?

He won by the poll. Sam, will they get one swipe? What are you talking about? Will they get one swipe? He won by the poll. Sam, will they get one swipe? What are you talking about? Will they get one swipe? Maybe, yeah. Okay, great. But it'd be from like,

from like, girls I think he's kidding. From a trad wife. But he's not kidding. Who just wants to be protected. Just wants to be protected. Who just wants to love a man. And only cook red meat.

But not even a little bit. And only on electric stoves. A lot cook red meat, but not even a little bit. And only on electric stoves. A lot of red meat. Yeah, I think there's a certain level of hotness that you don't even think about it. Guys, we should all get on dating apps as a contest with each other. That's such a bad idea for everyone except for you.

Obviously. No, it'd be fun. No, babe, babe. It's for the podcast. For the podcast and eat Tinder. Yeah, but no, you have to hide it from your girlfriend as long as you can. That's part of the competition.

I've already lost because Keating's finding out and everyone else is finding out. I'm in now. I was out, but now I'm in. That was a good idea. That's a good idea. Now that I get to hide it. Does Zipper 3 ever listen to the pod?

All the time. Oh, yeah. Does Zipper 2 listen to the pod? She hasn't in a long time. Really? She quit? She was, I think, ODing. Yeah, she would listen to DCOMs.

Without the movie. No, that's not all that psychopathic. That is weird. I love her death, though. She likes dating. We were dating before dating apps existed yet. That's crazy. So I've never used one.

We're always on our phones. They make you feel bad. They do seem like Doom simulators, but sometimes semen simulators where you get to come on a date. You do get to simulate semen with them. There's this visual graphics guy who made a visual graphic of his four years on dating apps. And it was like 10,, you know, 10,000 swipe rights,

600 matches. And it's like, it keeps curving into like no categories. And you just see like the thick line getting very thin with further in the process. And the amount of people he messaged versus like matched, it was like 5%. Yeah.

That would actually reply. And then from that, he got two dates in both of them he got stood up on. Wow. It was like the most sad graphic. I was like, oh, poor guy. Yeah. Well, that's a Riz gap.

Yeah, that's a Riz gap. But some people have Riz. Yeah, but that's like what people like. That's what they call the un-Rizly valley in stats. Oh my God. Of course it's on a Reddit thread that says data is beautiful Jesus Christ

You should send this image to the next woman Every time and would you like to correct the data And then it's one more and it says Question mark could be you Yeah So we get on dating apps No this thing is bad cancel veto What

So we get on them though We all go on dating apps We say it's platonic Cancel veto what but we got so we get on them now We all go on dating apps we say it's platonic and we're looking for someone to come on our show We all get on dating apps But we all have to make a profile for slime and we swipe and message as slime and we see who's the most Success set me up We bring the day here Slime and we see who's the most successful set me up Where it dates you we bring them in three separate rooms in this warehouse without telling them we bring them to a warehouse Not telling this is just and then not here not can be here. This is Simon 1 verse 20 Yeah, we basically came up with that. We're so

And that's like the Trojan we came up with that. We're so smart. We're geniuses. And that's like the Trojan horse. We came up with dogs on monkeys. I mean, monkeys on dogs. We came up with Trojan horse. And we came up with, there was another thing we came up with. Trojan horse. Horse bombs. History repeat. We're so smart.

No, no. Punching. One punch. One punch man. Yeah, you came up with one punch man. We came up with it all. What a productive day. Yeah, it's not productive because they're all taken.

What else can we make? What are we capable of? It's like a contest for people to earn 1 billion won But the contest is dangerous, right? And again, there's a piggy filled with in translate how much is a billion won It's like it's how much they went in squid game. I think he's just talking about squid game squid game It's like $10 million. I think we made it just now, right?

We just made squid game. I think it's a million. And then we dye our hair red. Is it? I don't know. It could be $10 million. I don't know the commercial. I haven't been to Korea.

I don't know. I've never been to Korea either. You know what's funny? Every, in the, any girl I've dated since this show, they also will just always listen. It must be nice. It must be nice for your partner to have a podcast Helps to be protected gentlemen, you know that no from what loving Oh God. Oh my god. That's real from attacks That's your real head. Thank you. Yeah, it's my real head. It's my real skull been attacked. Oh

In the person like loving the mini Bowser. It's a well Cooper look that bad You look you are your head shape I can't reveal to me as we speak It is a I tries to do hands. I was gonna say the thing is this is not that bad right cuz just You did get attacked you should say that it's not that Because all I've been is attacked like I don't know anything could protect you from that Well, it's not that bad for the attacks that you can receive online. That's much worse than this This is not that bad I did this to show you guys that the attacks online can be worse.

Like phishing attacks, password attacks. It's close. I'll say it's close. Well, what about malware? Because that's pretty bad. I think I'd rather have my identity stolen. I'd rather have my identity stolen. The good news is you might have your identity stolen, but nobody would want it.

They'd throw it in the garbage because you have such a bad identity. Are you saying Nord is kind of like wearing a metal helmet for your hair? That's a perfect way to put it, Nick. It's a metal helmet for your online presence. And Nord protects your online activity from phishing and password attacks and DDoS, etc. They also have a 30-day money-back guarantee. This one doesn't. And you can watch

region-locked content. You can? Or we can lock you in a region where that haircut's okay. Which I don't know if it exists. It doesn't. It actually doesn't. Maybe North Korea. Anyway, every purchase of a two-year plan will receive a huge discount

plus four bonus months for free. Go to nordvpn.com slash the yard. Take it away, Ludwig. It doesn't look that bad and it's risk-free. Nord's money day,

30-day money day. I don't look bad. It looks bad. It looks like you're dying. You know what's at risk? Our show. By you looking like that all the time.

That's bad. That's a risk. Maybe make it up for... Maybe go to nord By you looking like that all the time. That's bad. That's a risk. Maybe make it up for, maybe go to nordvpn.com slash the hard. And there's a 30 day money back guarantee. Not for your hair though, that's never coming back guaranteed. Or you can click the link in the description below. Do you look up old flames? Yeah.

Do you look up old flames? Not really. Never? No. Do you ever look up old flames? I'm still friends i think i i have but not since i've been in a relationship yeah i'm friends with old i'm still friends with everyone i did it except for one person friends how friends like like maybe you get coffee every two years

oh does that count okay i would call it what what like i hang out with people that i slept with you're friends with everyone that you ever met in your course yeah it's it's yeah if i yeah that's not that's not i'm like not keeping up like stalking them on instagram every few months you're like snake like you find a friend you get longer and it goes forever why in your head is it like weirder to keep up by looking at their instagram because this is a real relationship i'm not like so you keep up with them i feel like your question implies that I'm like in bed at 3 a.m. Yeah. That you're at some of the various things in your question.

It doesn't have to be seedy. It doesn't have to be real. It feels like a seedy question. You're... No. It doesn't have to be seedy. It was fine. It was fine.

You think you'd just be like, what are we up to? You're implying that we're... We're seedy. You're hanging out with people you've bumped. Yeah, but we're... What's wrong with that? We're swag. Oh, do women not get to have sex?

I'm saying... Let her have sex. First of all, I'm saying that's keeping up. I'm keeping up with Amy. Okay, so I keep up. You keep up. I do keep up. You keep up.

Yeah. Well, I think that's what social media is fun for. It's like, you know, your ex posts a thing. It's like, oh, I got a new, like, KitchenAid mixer. You're like, that's a dope-ass mixer. I think you would live with everyone you've ever met in your whole life if you had the chance. You live with them? You live in a big house with everyone you've ever met.

And he would be in the living room playing games. It's Dr. Noodle Slam. Every ex you've ever had. Us. The fucking mean people from college. Who's the best roommate you've ever had? Time. Time.

Time. Time. Really? Oh, it's Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun. Really? It's not. Oh, it's not. Oh, fuck. I like you, man. Probably.

I still like you. Probably Nick or Zipper 2. Yes! What? Yeah. I think it's just ideal to my... Just goat territory. The way I want to live my life.

Just goat territory. Yeah. Like, not in the house. Not with them. Never talking to them. No, no. I think it's just, like, clean, chill, doesn't... Like, Nick is clean because he's, like, low impact in the house, and that he, like, doesn't

cook. So... My man. So that's just... But then Zipper 2 is just, like, really clean and tidy. Look, Zipper 2, she cultivates the clean. I cultivate the vibes. Vibe guy.

When he says it's chill. And you two are just less clean. When? Kill yourself. You're both just less clean. When? When? In all the time that we live together, you're just less clean than the two people.

Have you seen your own desk? Thank you. And give us 10 examples. What? Give us 10 examples. 17 examples, actually. 10 examples of when we were not clean. Go. One. 17. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. you. And give us 10 examples. What? Give us 10 examples. 17 examples, actually. 17 examples of when we were not clean. Go, one.

17. One, one, one, one. I'm waiting for you. Your pets shit on the floor and it would just sit there. Oh, sorry. I'll tell them not to shit. My bad. Yeah, tell them not to shit.

Also, not me. I didn't shit. Huh? I didn't shit. You would shit on the floor and leave it there, too. Also, I never cooked. I never did dishes. He never cooked ever and did dishes.

And when I did cook I would- You leave drinks around. Or leave food wrappings around. He's got me. You can have it. He's got me. He's got me. I think my mess is at all times confined to my desk. Your mess is emotional. What about your messy- cause you're a messy bitch. Yeah you're a messy bitch. You come in and you drag everybody and it leaves stains. And you eat and you leave no crumbs that's a compliment you know what my fucking i mean no you don't you know my beautiful beautiful stupid beautiful girlfriend made me fucking do the other day was clean the fucking the poop ring out of his

toilet no she made me do it she was like his toilet has a poop ring it's a poop it's a poop or a pee ring yeah i had to clean it i had to clean it for him yeah because we were having like a get together and he wasn't home and she's like someone's gotta do it and i'm like i guess that's me dude girls and i'm talking about my mom here what was it my biggest job was when people were over is i had to clean the bathroom and my mom cleaned houses for a living and she like she was like she would come in and be like nope do it again like I'm insane

at cleaning bathrooms because she basically like Jiro dreams of sushi you get the Sonic Adventure 2 battle like D yeah she would stamp it with a D rank and she's like not good enough you know good and she would she would make me I'd be like mom I want gloves to clean inside the toilet she's like you don't need gloves dude if you don't have gloves cleaning anything is to clean inside the toilet. You don't need gloves

Anything is so chill. It's just when you don't have gloves. It's kind of gross my mom's And just wash your hands at the end. Yes mom true. I'm with mom. Yeah, but basically it's like if people are over like They don't want to see we don't need mass shit ring only mass Just don't breathe or open your mouth when I was was at Merrymates, we used gloves and Merrymates. We just had a bright smile on our face. You were probably the hottest Merrymate to exist. I would do any, I would pay any amount, Ludwig, any amount to pay you to come to my house once a week to clean it. In a fucking hot ass maid outfit.

How much money would it take for you to do that? I wouldn't wear the outfit. That's like demeaning. How much money? You have to wear a merry maid outfit. So it's like your shirt or whatever. It's a green shirt. It's a green shirt.

You have to wear a uniform and it has to be sexy. No, he's sexy. So it's already sexy. He's making it weird though. So it's just sexy no matter what. It's khakis in a green shirt. That's sexy to me. That'd be a little too tight.

The khakis, I mean like. It'd fit a little too tight. It's a dump truck. I'll look good in the khakis. I'll look good in the khakis. I'll look good in the khakis. And I'll be tucked. Oh, you'll look good. You'll be tucked,

so your pecs will be all big? Yeah, I'll be tucked. And your shoulders are huge, too. My shoulders are huge. I want you to come in every day and go, honey, I'm here. I think you just want to trad wife. Listen, stop.

What? I want to know his actual price. You have to clean Nick's house. No bullshit. You don't have to say weird lines to him. But every week, you have to come to his house and clean it. How much money do you do that for? Is he there?

Yes. Is he filming it? He could be. Not that you can see. Is he jeering me? He's just sitting there. Is he getting in the way or is he being respectful? He'll move if you got a vacuum.

But he'll kind of have a little attitude about it. Okay. No, no attitude. You tell me to move the vacuum, I'm like, for you? Is it a solo job? You get a team, but you're front and center. Okay.

I just want one other person. I don't want to see the other person. You can have them, but they are not in my sight. Okay, great. Would you do this for $10,000 a week? That's just, dude, that's not worth it. Yeah, I know. It is for sure worth it. I'll do it. For $10,000, that's not worth it. Yeah, I know.

It is for sure worth it. I'll do it. For 10K? No, it's not. Yeah, it is. What the hell? Compared to your rate for shit? Shit, I'll do that for sure.

10K? Really? Yeah. I know what you make for sponsorships and stuff. This doesn't check out. It checks out. It literally doesn't math out. It literally checks out.

I get $10,000. Why is he telling you? It comes out to 52K a year in your pocket. Why is he telling you? Dude, I'm just confused a year in your pocket. Why is he telling you? That's such bad math. Dude, I'm just confused. I'm just confused. Because instead of cleaning Nick's house, you could be like, and thank you alien wear.

And that's like probably like 3x that. Why are you letting him tell you how to use your body? That's why I'm just confused. I don't know. I don't understand him. Dude, he gets half a million a year for what? Okay, 5k. 5k. Would you do it for 5k? I don I don't know if I would. So what's the difference?

Double. 5k. 10k is more than 5k. It's double. 9k. 9k. 9k. Why are you patronizing? It's just not gonna make any sense. That's the fun part of this hypothetical. He's doing a hypothetical. This is- It's crazy. His argument is, well, you didn't do it for half. So what you're saying doesn't make sense So would you do it for nine, huh? If he says yes or no, what do you win? They get to pay him if we work him down enough to do it by real Am I also paying the person who's helping me out pocket?

They get paid at normal marry-mate rates right, but they also don't know how much you make there's no bad I would secretly make you tell you. You would tell them? Yeah, I would feel bad if I didn't tell them. Would you break them off? I would break them off a piece. So that's why this 9K is starting to hurt a bit. Because I'm breaking them off a rack, probably. Yeah.

So now I'm walking away with eight racks. 5K each. 5K each. He comes up. I think 10K. We get to hang out with him. I don't know. 5K each.

10K firm. We get to hang out with him. No, I'm not going to be home. Ah, fucking shit and I'll do the wet jobs guys if you want hey any Saudi princes listening

if you want Ludwig the influencer to clean your house every week that's how much it costs we have a toxic mentality and it's and it's not your fault

toxic man what's my toxic mentality that your whole brain functions around like efficiency of how much money you could make per hour no i thought that's

what you would price something like this at it's like an activation just surprised because i'm not offering that value so why would i pray that's an absurd pricing i'm not pricing it based off what i could make if i did something else if we sit i think it's dumb because if we came to you right now and we said all all right, $10,000 a week, $10,000 a week, but you have to clean our whole house every week, I think you would say no. No, I'd show up. I'd be there.

I mean, maybe I'd quit if the workload turns out to be too much for me. So you just don't believe him, which I respect. I just don't believe him. Then cough it up, bitch. No, but the problem is we need to pay you to do it. Pay for half a million. But the thing is, I believe you would do it one time for the novelty of it, but the time we get to week three, you're like, I don't like this.

I could definitely see him being like, hey, can we move this to the next day? I might fall off if the workload is higher than I'm able to do. I could see an actual cleaning service stop doing it. It's cleaning a whole house. I'm saying I would do it. I would do it definitely a few times, and then I'd see how it feels, but I would do it. And then you'd up the price. Would you make me feel loved while you did it? I wouldn't. You're wanting something that you love. Definitely a few times And then I'd see how it feels But I would do it And then you'd up the price You'd gouge us

Would you make me feel loved While you did it I wouldn't You're wanting something That you You're not getting what he You're not getting You want a trad wife

I'm just cleaning He's a hired contractor I don't want to be married to you I just want to feel like love I think That's not what you should Hire a cleaner for I'm going to clean a toilet

And I think you should know I'm hiring my friend Thanks for cleaning my toilet Aren't you my friend Don't you want to make me happy That's a great question Like are we workers first or are we friends or are we dancers workers? chain of command Workers friends lovers, so when I pulled out my balls earlier that was work I was clocking in and that's why HR is gonna have a chat with you later, which is me. It's you

It's close anymore. I don't think it's you anymore buddy. It's closest to be him Which is me. It's you? It's not you anymore. I don't think it's you anymore, buddy. It's closest to being him. I can talk about it with myself. Maybe it's Nick Allen.

It is definitely Nick Allen. Me and him are cool. It should be Nick Engling. We should have Nick Engling on HR. We might need to get an HR person. He would think it means R-Roll or something. We can't have him. He's like, well, what grades did you get? Dude, I was here last night,

and because there was the flood warning, and it was still raining Really hard I realized that I There wasn't any actual Meals at the office I thought there were Factor meals here

But there weren't anymore And I know Yingling Has a ton of factor And he lives pretty close To the office Making him drive In a hurricane So I hit up Yingling

I was like Can I please come to your house To like steal factor meals It was like I have no food And I'm stranded I need to Yeah cause they shut down It was like, I have no food and I'm stranded. I need to shut down food delivery during the hurricane. No dashers.

Dude, I got an Uber Eats ad during the hurricane. It's like raining. Like get your food sent to you. And I'm like, it knows what region we're in. That's so fucked. It was like, it was like not early in the day. It was like, like 4 p.m. It's fucking pouring.

That's when it was raining the hardest. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, that's crazy. Always on our phones. I didn't even check. I was like, this is a fucked up scenario. It makes so many fried food to me. I just ate Dunkin' Donuts.

I had 10 munchkins, and it just chugged me through the day. Nice. I deleted Twitter. That's a New England breakfast. What? I deleted Twitter. Why? Actually?

Yeah. Okay, are you going to look at it on your browser like Mandem does? No, I just look at it on a computer. That's what, yeah, that's what I do. Well, I still need to use it. Okay, so why'd you delete it? Because when I wake up, I would open Twitter, which is stupid. Now that I'm thinking about it, I used to be on the tip of like, I like scrolling Twitter.

It's fun. It has a lot of fun things I like. But it hasn't really been like that for a while. No. I saw a guy getting shot in the head the other day, and I was like this sucks. Oh So I was ahead of the curve you're ahead of the curve except for your browser thing which is weird I don't do that. I haven't done that for like eight months. Do you do yeah? It was weird when you did it then we'll say well

It was weird when you did it It's good that you don't do it anymore Both of these things can be true, but you all you always want to see a black and white because we're always on our phone Yeah But you always want to see it black and white because we're always on our phone. Yeah. And anyway, I'm on my phone less. He's not always on his phone. He's coming to lunch. He's hanging out.

Three of Amigos. Man, I'm cleaning houses for 10K. You guys want to get lunch after this? I can't. I got lunch kidding. So now you wake up. What do you do? You don't put out Twitter. You still look at your phone.

I'll check my DMs. I'll check maybe I'll use somebody I did. Not answer them. Go on. I'll answer them. Is this true? Yeah. I answer him my DMs. I'll check maybe I'll use somebody I did. Not answer them. Go on. I'll answer them. Is this true? Yeah. I answered him.

Love that. He answered me with the wrong information. I was confused. It was early. And what shoot was it again this week? And I'll maybe

play some chess. Do a chess puzzle or something. You're always on your phone. Too much with the phone. Less with the phone because I deleted Twitter. That's what we're learning. Functionally less. Phone something. You're always on your phone. Too much with the phone. Less with the phone because I deleted Twitter. That's what we're learning. Functionally less.

Phone time. And then you pay the whole table and then when you take, when you send Aiden home, it's the Uber, it's the Uber comfort. It's the Uber comfort. Because he did earn it.

Because he was on his phone the whole time. But he earned it because he looked snatched. He made himself appealing. And you say, please take me with you. I want to go. I want to go. And you say, please type me when you get home safely. I want, I think I'm done today.

You know what? We are at about time. We got ads. Also, Zipper didn't give us a thumbs up. Also, plus ratio, plus you're white. We're at time. We do ads at the Primo. You're white, you're white, you're white, you're white, you're white.

So? Plus ratio. Okay, there's a thumbs up. Thank you all for watching The Yard today. This has been especially hard on Aiden, so. Let me out. I can't wait to hear what happened. You want to support Aiden, you all for watching The Yard today. This has been especially hard on Aiden, so... Let me out. I can't wait to hear what happened. If you want to support Aiden,

you can go watch the DCOM show we recorded in the Patreon, where a horse explodes. Me and Miles watch Halloween Town 2. It did not sound as crazy as yours, but that's all in the Patreon. We have a Disney Plus plug-in that automatically syncs our audio to the movie. It's kind of cool.

It's kind of cool. Shout out, Otto. And Ludwig's on the bonus shows now. Me and Ludwig did an advice episode. It was funny because he gave advice, I gave advice, and then Ludwig gave advice. It was directly opposite of mine and then I was like, actually you're right.

And it was like really bad. And I was like, I'm glad he's here. Our advice show if anything is not great for advice. No, it is it is no my advice was insane Thayden and slime his advice was insane well I

guess you'll have to go watch the show to find out hey thanks everyone watching yarn and we'll see you next time