The Yard - Ep. 111 - We Lost.

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

This week, the boys talk about being nominated for a streamy award, becoming monks for the pod, and how we could improve the podcast...

Hey all you yard viewers out there look what I'm wearing. Look what he's wearing. Do you have one of these? No look what I'm wearing. No look what I'm wearing. Look what he's wearing. Look what he's wearing. Look what he's wearing.

Hey do you have one of these? You probably don't because they kind of sold out fast and we undersold the amount that we thought we could sell. We didn't think we'd be the GOATs. We didn't think we'd be the GOATs of making shirts and jackets. That one has me on it. This says Aiden on it. You might think it's maybe like Lululemon or Nike or something, but no, it's not.

It's a podcast. It's us. It's a podcast. If you would like to buy this, we're re-releasing it. When are we doing that, Aiden? Because I don't remember. We're really releasing it Thursday at 12 p.m. Pacific time for patrons Three patrons

What about the normal for normals for normal the Normans get Saturday on Actually withhold a portion of the inventory now so that you can get it and not complain. And Archie, you can go ahead and put graphics for all those dates. And thanks for watching the Yard Podcast. And buy our merch if you think that we're cool. And on, now we'll do the episode. And also if you're liquid enough. If you're made of liquid or something.

No. We're going to fill you if you're made with liquid. If you got disposable income, we want that. And now this is the Yard podcast starring Jerry Seinfeld. Yay! All right.

I want to try something. The first 30 seconds, I'm going to try to get this demonetized. Tonight, DJ got us falling in love again love again i'm backing wait hold on this isn't i'm losing my mind why did you do this because i'm trying to get it demonetized can i be a hundred percent honest with you this is not a bit for the show this is i feel like i'm in a dream. I actually just had a moment.

I was on my way to work today here. And I said, we should do a bit at the start of the episode where we try to sing like day and night by kid Cuddy is so accurately that we get it demonetized. Really? I had this idea. Today I was getting coffee. It was my way from the coffee shop to here. And I had this idea And I was like

Nah slime would hate it Because we'd be singing We're using our words right here And somehow you did this Outside of me And I don't understand I'm freaking out I haven't seen you in days

I'm freaking out This is crazy Did you see my tweet About the Jamba Juice I did see that Maybe that's That's what incepted it Because I was in a Jamba Juice

I worked out I went and got a smoothie Okay I'm in the jamba juice they're playing dj got us falling in love again yeah followed by vanessa carlton 1000 miles of a body partner but but it's at like 75 x speed 0.75 or like half speed i can't tell but i'm it's just like it's a public like song they play in a food place but it's like slowed down and i walked in and it was like it was like the lean hit me slowed with reverb and your parents are fighting in the other

room and it was like it was like the drank man like visited me in my during my drive over to jama juice and i and i was i was i just stunned about it i tweeted about it and then people were replying it's like ah they're trying to avoid copyright, like a joke. Yeah. And then that's probably what incepted me to think that, and you to think it. But I only read- And you're not special. I only read the- You're not special. I only read the text to your tweet, I didn't click it open or anything.

You're the rudest tootinest, but you're not special. You are, I would trust you on the range, I would not trust you in a special contest. Day and night. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! This is also wrong vernacular. It's not demonetized. day and night. What?

This is also wrong vernacular. It's not demonetized. No, Vanessa Carlton. Demonetized. Don't do that. You don't understand what I'm trying to say. When you said it, I honestly thought you were just going to say swear words. I thought you were going to say something depraved.

It's not demonetized. There's demonetized, which is the yellow tick. And then there's copyright claimed. If you get copyright claimed, you demonetize your video. I mean, no, because the video is still being monetized. The video is monetized, but the revenue goes to the copyright holder. He's right, technically. No, because there's no ads. You don't get a yellow thing.

No, the ads still run. They just don't pay you. The ads still run, and they don't pay you. I feel like you know. The ads still run and they don't pay you. There's a difference. In one example, the video is monetized. And it is running ads. Whether you receive them or not, it is still a monetized video. Wait.

Wait. Hold on. How many YouTube videos have you uploaded? It's like a little bit. We have to measure this first. I need to decide. Here's what he's trying to say. There is monetization and demonetization.

These are trees. And they're independent from each other. There's me, there's Aiden. There's you, there's Aiden. There's leaders and there's followers. Your video gets flagged as bisexual. You're an alpha like me. If your video is Nick coded, it's flagged as bisexual. If your video is Nick-coded, it's flagged as bisexual.

If your video is Eamon-coded, it's flagged as red pill content. Don't call yourself alpha. You wouldn't carry the boats. I would. No. I was carrying the boats. I worked out. Dude, he goaded me into working out yesterday on my day off.

By saying I wouldn't be able to carry the boats. We're going to have one of them. You know about David Goggles, right? What? David Goggles, ultramarathon runner. No, no, he's the guy in the shield. David. The Flash is his real name.

His name's David Goggins, and he writes, like, motivational shit. He was in Righteous Gemstones as well. No, he's just, he's an ultramarathon runner. Big teeth. He was in the Marines. CEO of Speedo. This guy. Oh, I know this guy.

He's big on Joe Rogan. Look up detectives in The Wire really quick. That's a cool picture. Uh... Dude, he... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! No! No, no, no, sorry, The Shield. I'm sorry, The Shield. You were about to win the most racist award. No, no, no, he doesn't look like any of those guys. No, no, no, he doesn't look like any of those guys. Uh, Go down.

Keep scrolling. It's just the effect of Vic Mackey the whole time. No, go right. Top right, top right. Guy on the left. Click that. That's Dalton Goggins. Okay.

That's who I thought you were talking about. For audio listeners, so I'm his racist. I'm not racist. That's a white man. No, it's for audio listeners. Who's the actor that passed away from the wire? Not Omar, but the other... Michael Jackson.

Who? Not Michael Jackson. Not the guy who plays Omar, the guy who plays Lieutenant... I thought it was that. Lieutenant... How deep are we going to go in here? You're right.

I'm sorry. Go on. Whatever. Whatever. I don't care about you, and I would care about Lance Reddick. He's not a detective. He was a...

He's kind of like buff Lance Reddick. Actually, Lance Reddick is also buff. No, he was lean. Go ahead. No, we have another 30-minute section about The Wire. I wanted to get going. We have a great TV show, Ludwig. We got nominated for a streamy with this content.

And lost. And lost. That's why we don't win. I kept slapping the bag. We didn't win because we didn't go. It was funny. We lost to a podcast my mom likes more. She likes Jay Shetty. My mom listens to Jay Shetty mom likes more. She likes Jay Shetty?

My mom listens to Jay Shetty, yeah. Do you think Jay Shetty slaps Ludwig's bare feet? Uh, no, I've never met him. I don't know Jay Shetty. Hold on to your thought. Who is Jay Shetty? I think it was Eminem's original name in 8 Mile. This is why we actually can't have conversations. I'm tabling you.

Coming from you, coming from you, sitting down to solve any work problem, and you're like, and you hit the dab, and you're like, oh, it'd be crazy if we bought merch and changed the prices, and I have to ask you the same question six times to get a fucking answer. You guys are like the three monkey emojis. Like, he can't hear, and you can't speak very well, and you don't see. You just say stuff without watching stuff. And I'm just, I'm a regular monkey. I'm a normal monkey. You're the normal monkey emoji who's like kind of coy no i'm the ape among the monkey if you have four if you sit a monkey down at a typewriter with infinite time eventually he will make the

podcast i think so i have did you see my shirt it's gone gone he got shredded eating bananas every day he came up to me and he said that like like he was teaching me a lesson and I was like but he's monk and it's like well yeah it's all a day eat monkey banana gone is big he's big man I even know what we're talking the same ball as the baby there's different balls they look the same size I think they're the same size they fit differently within the balls Right? So if you look at Baby in the ball

Baby looks like a little baby I understand they fit differently I'm saying they shouldn't even fit in the same ball They should have different sized balls They should fit in the same ball If you just scale the ball up for the biggest person Then everyone else who's smaller will fit in the ball It's like putting a real baby in like a real human man

But look They don't look the size difference that they should We all fit in a plane We checked the math on that we all fit in a plane Guys on this plane do you understand that we all fit in the plane? Me you're damn you're a cowboy. How's my audio? He's gonna sound like I'm doing what I Reckon get your country ass over here I reckon get your country ass over here

I hear you're building the podcast big as a damn bus David Goggins writes inspirational books goes on Joe Rogan and then he has a phrase that says who's gonna carry the boats as a way to get your ass out of bed

like talking about ancient Roman warriors and shit maybe it's based on Fitzcarraldo There's that movie about carrying a boat over a mountain. He's gonna carry the boats and I'm gonna hit a mortal this act Aiden comes fucking round. Shit that won't happen on Twitter You come round you're like it's my off day. So I just ask him a very simple question I was like, oh, what'd you do the previous three days? Kayaked. I was lifting my mouse. You didn't'd you do the previous three days? Oh Kayaked I was lifting my mouse you didn't work out for the previous three days

I was in Seattle And you were trying to skip out on a trip He went on vacation to Seattle And I kayaked! Oh, you didn't do any push-ups? I kayaked the sound, the Puget Sound This guy has a job Uh, yeah sometimes

Sometimes Hey, when he shows up he's crazy But he goes on vacation and he comes back and he goes in my off day And so I say he's gonna carry the boats. He's carrying a kayak close That is way closer than what you've carried I know have you carried Last four days I was a sailing club. Yeah, You were in Winklevoss? It was a kayak.

First of all, they're rowers. Oh my god. Does it have a different name? Does it have a different name? Winklevoss. Sailing club doesn't have a thing? Sailing club. No, it was like a row.

Oh, crew? Crew. That's the thing I was thinking of. I rode crew. Yeah, I rode crew. I got a couple of fucking STDs. I made it into a finals club. Is lacrosse the crew of land

No, Jesus. I don't think that's right culturally. I don't think it's the same Scott that plays no no because no no I disagree. I think I don't think lacrosse is like because the cross is This is wrong It's just hockey and then yeah, it's also way less expensive to get into but it's like douchebag hockey On the East Coast. Yeah, it's like land hockey. No, it's frat hockey. No land hockey is field hockey Hockey is a big sport that already exists hockey is 50% of hockey. Men go to war, women play field hockey. I swear to God. Do men play field hockey? I've never seen a male

field hockey match. Can I see some field hockey picture? I always thought field hockey was lacrosse. Dalton Goggins is playing lacrosse. He's teaching you how to carry boats. Eamon will never... This is just disgusting. Oh, that's money. I would play this

It's like It has made the cricket field bigger We should play this 2v2 In the parking lot Shake your zol on my team No ball Just hit each other

Wait Till the other team falls 2v2 field hockey Till who are the four If you have shake your zol on your team Me and shake your zol And two other opponents That are clown idiots

That I don't care about But we could just play with each other And have 2v2 I dust you at field hockey Pause We're chaotic Welcome back to the yard Episode 110 No 111 But we could just play with each other and have to be to dust you a field pause. We're chaotic Welcome back to the art episode 110

111 111 yeah make a wish. This is our first chance being dead. I wish that we would actually beat Jay Shetty I wish that she was next you want to train we train for next year I think to train we have to cut some weight Do you think that we would have won if we showed up? I think we had a better team comp do you think if you think that we would have won if we showed up? I think we had a better team comp. Do you think if I had showed up to the streamies and showed off my snatched body they would have

given us the award? I think if you showed up to the past 110 episodes we'd get there. Do you think if wait whoa that's hurtful.

Okay. Here we go. I didn't think about it. Let's talk about it then. If you want to talk about it I have to change nothing. What do you guys change? Uh well nothing? Let's just about it then. If you want to talk about it, I have to change nothing. What do you guys change? Well, nothing?

Let's just give them that. Let's give them that to move on. What are you thinking? What? Okay. If we all need to improve as podcasters to beat Jay Schlatt or whatever the fuck. I go the Mac always sunny route.

I get really, really fat eating burritos. Dude, that would be so fun. We don't have a big guy. And I become the big guy and then I show up just absolutely cut six months later and then you guys still don't care. Fat Aiden would go insane.

I would love your engorged I think we'd make fun of him less. Oh yeah. I think he would come into his own as a funny guy I was you think so? Yeah, he'd have to gain Riz. Yeah, he would have to use his in tennis Well, he also has insane Riz you're acting like he walks in like a Donis podcast Riz. Oh, yeah Okay, you can get more podcast Riz if you're a fat guy. Oh my god, you would be so fucking funny What's this exercise? I'm but you you would you would come so fucking funny. This is a healthy exercise.

But you would come over the top every time. Let's go around and say what everybody could improve. You know, we know what Aiden could improve. He can get fat. Well, let's say what we should improve ourselves. He can improve by getting worse. What everyone thinks. Eat a lot more bananas. Nick, how would you improve yourself?

And then we'll see what we think. I don't know. It's like I fucking work too hard. I show up too early. Okay. Care a little bit too much. I could care a little bit less, probably, yeah. You could care less.

Well, I care too much. About the podcast. Yeah. I could take more days off, maybe, for my mental health. Okay. Do you think... I don't think it helps us beat Jay Shetty. Maybe your life's better.

Jay Shetty. Jay Shletty. How are we beating Jay Shlet? Shlet. Shlet? What kind of podcast is that? Okay, I'm thinking maybe... How are we beating Jay Shlatt? Shlatt? What kind of podcast is that? Okay, I'm thinking maybe... How are we beating Shuckle Sandwich?

I'm thinking maybe I could just come with more tier list ideas. Okay. And if I came with a tier list every episode, and we had the 10-minute tier list section, I think that would, you know, 150K an episode boost. More sections. More segments. More segments.

Now, what do we think about Nick? What could Nick improve from our mind? What Nick could improve? I think he needs to I think he needs to throw that shit back a little bit more. I agree. I think that's something we're talking about. You had your time, right?

Didn't you? I think you did. you My time I'm using to speak I'm reflecting I can't think of Even once that you've thrown it back That's what I'm saying My argument If it is an argument You've never thrown that shit in a circle for us

Can I say something too And it's kind of on this note. Actually, not on this note. We have an issue where we're four dudes talking about dude stuff. You know, periods come, we're all confused. They are confusing. What if Nick had huge naturals?

Dude, I thought about this today with Aiden! So this idea, it came up because you were thinking, what could we do to become a little less patriarchal on our show? And you guys think that by giving one of us breaths that you could then hold and touch what you just liked. What? No, I'm holding my, stop. Wow.

Pause. That's the angle you're taking. I can't believe that. I'm holding my homie by the shoulders. I'm thinking there's nothing to TF on his chest region. We need a TF you in your chest region, dude. We need something there. TF.

Don't you get it? Do you not know what TF is? Jay Shetty opens every interview. Jay Shetty opens every interview like, with his guest. What is more empowering than a man with breast implants? Martin Luther King Jr. Ooh, he got you there. Martin Luther King Jr. with breast implants.

Having a dream. And he's pregnant with a Marine. Do you think the FBI still kills MLK if he has big natural... Not if he's pregnant with a Marine. Oh my God. All babies are marines Waiting Waiting to serve All babies are waiting

And blind to be a marine All babies are marines Just the parenting That does a bad job Yeah Takes them away This is maybe perhaps Our most podcast moment

We've ever had Okay So Big natural's on Aiden No no no That's Nick That's Nick Nick needs to throw that shit

In an octagon. When you circumcise a baby, they become Air Force. Yeah. Aiden has to get fat. They lose their badge. Air Force. All right. I'm getting fat.

Nick's getting a boob job. Yeah. So I will have beautiful breasts, huge big naturals. He will just be big and natural. You'll be big and natural for us. You don't change anything. He's allowed to talk first. You change it all to natural for us. You don't change anything. He's allowed us to talk first. You change nothing yourself.

What would I do? What I would do honestly Not push B every round? A little Go ahead. You know You know what I would do? I would spend more time

learning, reading, reading books. Reading books. You probably read the most of anyone here currently. I got them cooked. No, I read the Abyssal Archive every night. I don't even know what that means.

It's a book. I don't read that. Okay, well you read books. I read one book every night i don't even know what that means it's a book i don't read that okay well you read books i read one book every night i'm reading i'm reading through it it's the same book every night yeah that counts if audiobooks count i got you cooked if they don't count it doesn't count why i wouldn't say it doesn't count no audiobooks count as real books audiobooks don't count as a reading what do do you mean? You're consuming the same information. No, but you're not reading it. How about you say this?

You love listening to stories like a child. No, because I listen to nonfiction. No, I don't. Listening to audiobooks is like listening to podcasts. You're just consuming media passively. It's been inserted into your baby ears because you can't sit down and concentrate because you watch too much TikTok. He's so base and so fat. You're so consumed with the format in which I'm consuming it that you don't even consider what I'm consuming. And your phone.

And your phone. And your phone. You're all in your phone all the time. He checked his watch during that. I saw him. That's base. He couldn't not. That's base.

He's got shit to do. Look, I'm actually so, I'm way too busy for this conversation right now. Do you think if you read a book. Way, like so busy, I hate you as a human. I wish you were fat. I wish you were fat. I wish you were fat.

You'd be so much cooler. He would. If we had both consumed a book, I read it. You listen to it through an audio book. Yeah. Do you,

we could have an equal grounds discussion about the book. Uh, potentially. So, but what if we, uh, gave babies only audio books

to learn to read? They'd learn to read. They wouldn't be able to read. They would be illiterate. Babies could not read. It's not the same activity, Ludwig. But if I were to consume five books, you could not tell which ones I consumed via literature or consumed via audiobook. What if you were to consume 11,000 hot dogs?

So what's the difference? Then I would be fucking Kobayashi's worst nightmare. I'd be like, what's good, bitch? And just eat a hot dog in front of him. That would be fucking Kobayashi's worst nightmare. I'd be like, what's good, bitch? And just eat a hot dog in front of him. It would be absurd. It'd be like 100,000 calories. Yeah. Listen, here, let's settle this right here, right now.

You are always on your phone because you listen to audiobooks. That's the only way you can process any sort of information is if it comes through your phone. At least me chad i read book with my eyes i feel like when you preface the chad people are gonna get biased and then just to be clear if you do read book then that can't be what you improve at because you already read book i would read more books that are about being like that better yeah i would read more podcast literature wow and i would improve the breasts of my... Does Jay Shetty have a book that we could learn from?

I would love to read that. I bet he has a book. He definitely has a book. He definitely looks like he has a book. Yeah. Wait, what does that mean? He looks like he wrote a book. What is his shit about?

Jay Shetty? Yeah, is it comedy? Jay Shetty, by the way, won the Streamys last night, beating The Yard and a few other podcasts that I forget. He just interviews people. H3, Caller Daddy, and Impulsive. What a fucking clown car of a budget. And then we were in there.

It's creator-focused podcasts. Who are actually funny. A storyteller, podcaster, and former monk. I'm Jay Shetty. That's actually pretty shit. You're pretty sick. That's so different. What's up with that? That is so different. You just said's actually pretty shit. You're pretty sick. That's so different.

That is so different. You just said it's pretty shit. I was going to say it's shitty and sick. It's shitty for us and sick for him because he's a former monk. What's up with former monks with big podcasts? Name two others. I only know Trash Chase in this one. Who's the monk on Trash Chase?

He used to be a monk for like a month. Was he a monk for content? I don't think so. Was he a content monk? He was a monk before content. I spent 30 days learning to be a monk. I think he was a straight up monk.

I'm not trying to take away. Danny Best Monk Podcasts. I don't think you're allowed to listen to this shit if you're up in the temple. Like what the fuck? They got Bluetooth in there? No, they can. They're allowed to watch it. They recorded it and then they send... They're allowed to watch it. They recorded it

and then they send, like, a messenger to go upload it at the bottom. They send a guy to recite it like an audiobook. Ah. Maybe you're right. Storytelling.

Storytelling. All right, what would you guys improve about me? What do monks do? They feast. They seek inner peace and wisdom.

They do the hot ones challenge once a day. They achieve enlightenment. That's it, right? They do tearless, bro. That's what they're doing in the temple. They do more damage without any items equipped. That's true. Fists only. You know what's funny? I was always told this is like in the monk temple

there's a line, there's like a doorway to get into the cafeteria and it's like made of stone and if you get too fat like Aiden would, can't get through it so you don't eat that day that's like a way to like stop you from too much monk fruit yeah cuz that's what they eat monk fruit that's where it's from why wouldn't they? yeah and if you eat the monk monk fruit you like you get to meditate even longer yeah you can't swim anymore

you eat ten you go faster you made up a fucking one-piece character alright Meditate even longer. Yeah, you can't swim anymore. You eat ten, you go faster. You made up a fucking one-piece character. All right. What's up, goats? It's pussy boy autumn. You know what that means? I don't know what that means.

I actually am so far from knowing it. I don't understand it. It's fall season. Oh. It's like the... Couldn't we just call it maybe autumn? No. Yeah. That's what the Greeks called it, what I just called it.

No, they didn't. And you know what? It gets busy. Don't let it overwhelm you. didn't. And you know what? It gets busy. Don't let it overwhelm you. Don't you understand? Factor is there for you. Factor is there for you in this season and also any other season that you can ever think of. There's seven.

Nick Yingling, 80% of his meals are Factor, and he's been looking nice. He eats two Factors a day. He has lost a lot of weight, and Nick Yingling is my ghost. He's a two-factor authenticated we are feeding we are feeding factor meals to nick yingling to eventually get inside of a monster truck anyway if you want a keto calorie smart vegan plus veggie or protein plus meal uh you use factor because they got all that shit they also have the monster truck meal which is specifically we actually asked as a partnership we asked them to make it for nick yling. Archie, disclaimer to that. 34 meal choices per week,

45 weekly add-on options. Like what, Slime? We have proposed the monster truck meal. Not Slime. Like what? The toy monster truck that arrives in the meal

guaranteed every time. I said Nick Yingling, get over here. Get over here right now. Just like the packaging. Just like the packaging Maybe inside the monster truck they can have the

apple cinnamon pancakes, which are an option. Are you talking about one of their breakfast options? Potato, bacon, egg, and monster truck packaging meal. That's right. Prepared by chefs and also monster truck drivers. And approved by dieticians, which is the third part of that. 9 out of 10 monster truck drivers.

I don't know what the other guys are. Go to factormeals.com slash theyard50 and use at the yard 50 for 50% off your box and 50% of Aiden's blood and we're gonna we're gonna mail it to you won't get my blood in a box in the shouldn't that be? Code a hundred box and that both and a box of blood It's the yard 50 factory will come slash the yard 50 Don't you get it America's number one ready to meet ready to rate and meet you ready to drive monster truck ready to meet meals Say right say it right good Number one ready to meet. Ready to meet. Ready to meet eel kit. Ready to drive monster truck. Ready to meet meals. Ready to eat meal kit. Say it right. Say it right.

Say it good. America's. I'll say it like Don Draper. Yeah. America's number one ready to eat meal kit. Back to the yard podcast. What would we improve about slime? I wish that.

Gang and all. You knew more about guests. No you don't. I do. Oh. Because I think there is a reason. You wish he was more worldly for YouTube. I think if we got a guest like Mr. Beast, we should probably get a million views. And the fact that we didn't is we fucked up somewhere.

I don't know where we fucked up, but we fucked up somewhere. Dude, what if we get Jay Shetty on the podcast? And then we tell him, it's like, oh, let's come on the podcast. And then we lock him up. Yeah, we can lock him in the shed. We lock in the jay shetty jay shetty snapped the jay shetty podcast season and we have them just locked in there yeah right and then it's like hey jay like we got you right and he's like i'm doing i'm trying to do the podcast with you guys and then he can't that way he can't win does he like call the police we took his phone, okay? Cool, I call anyone to call anyone like so there's a missing person to report and we lock him

But what would bring and no suspicions to us? You know what we do because he's still uploading a podcast apparently no we eat Jay Shetty limb by limb We safely and humanely remove his limbs. He's gonna listen to this. I think that's good. He's gonna listen to this. Yeah.

Why would he listen to this? He doesn't listen to our shit. I don't listen to his shit. I would like his... I respect Jay Shady because he didn't fuck with me. I would like his forearms. Why are you fucking

with his forearms then? Huh? Why are you fucking with him? No, no, no. Like, yo, I fuck with that. Like, he doesn't fuck with me. Oh. So I respect...

Like Muscash said. He doesn't like you. I only respect you if he doesn't fuck with me. Oh, so I respect like muskash said he doesn't like you I Only respect you if you don't fuck with me right? You're only real if you don't you're only real if you don't already went through this conversation with him before the show And then we just got to the point where we realized that he doesn't actually fuck with anyone Fine doesn't fuck with me. We just followed the tree down like that's why everyone people that fuck with him people that doesn't fuck with anyone? Yeah, we just follow the tree down like- That's why everyone fucks with me. People that fuck with him, people that don't fuck with him. That's why most people fuck with me. And then it kept branching out.

Mango fucks with you. Yeah. You fuck with Mango. Yeah, I fuck with Mango. Good man doesn't fuck with me. That was a good conversation. Because Mango doesn't fuck with me. Sure.

But Mango does fuck with you. He does fuck with you. He does. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty, get him on the podcast. We separate him into like 11 jars. You're still on this. Jesus, bro. Jay Shade get on podcast we separate him into like 11 jars. You're still on this Jesus

We take all of his organs and we put him in a jar and we do a fun game What's the shell game on the street? What's it called? Three shell Monty with his eyeballs in a jar One of them is just pickles. Right. You gotta eat a pickle, which would suck. Ew! Admittedly, I'd like that. That's not the worst part of this. The worst part is you're seeing a human eyeball rolling around. Seeing it?

You could see it. If you look at it, you could see it, yeah. If you lose, you don't see it, I suppose. It sees you in a way. You know what I'm saying? Great. No more improvements for Slime Night? Dude, he's on his phone.

Wait, I have a genuine question. What do you think we could have done to make that episode way bigger? Do you agree with my premise? Of course. But I'm asking, it's easy to point out the problem. I'm asking for a solution. And is it really me going, Mr. Beast, when you decided to make Squid Game again, what was that like? I'd rather put a shotgun in my mouth.

I think you're underestimating how basic questions can be more thoughtful even if they're basic. I didn't know he could actually speak Japanese because I can't understand him. That's true. I can't understand what you're saying.

Like, your example of a question was formatted in a way that could be a question that is valuable but the actual content of it wasn't. You know what would

change about Slime? Huh? For the podcast? I'd make him like going out and doing stuff. Oh, I'd make Huh? For the podcast. I'd make him like going out and doing stuff. Oh, I'd make him self-hearting. You'd make him... So you got that idea from what I said.

We could call this episode the airing of grievances. Yeah. Because that's kind of what it is. This is... Because imagine if he liked going out and doing stuff. Like, he would come with... We'd have memories for him. Let me tell you something, my sweet bear for you. you do it now hold the microphone it should smell fine i

saw on nick's instagram story he went to a monster truck thing and i was like you know i'm usually the guy that doesn't like going out and i don't get to say like it it's not fair for me to say this but i was going to be like if you go see trucks, I would like you to hit me up. Well, there's going to be another one in Anaheim, and it's way better. So if you want to go to that one, you can go to that one. I would love to go see monster trucks. Why is it better? It's a bigger arena. And when the arenas are smaller,

there's more safety limitations because there's been cars that have driven up into the stands. There's no way it's bigger. It's way bigger. You're talking about... Stadium guy over here. It's at Angel Stadium, I'm pretty sure.

Anaheim has big stadiums. Oh, it's in Angel Stadium? Yeah. With Los Delores. Okay. So yeah, I would love to go, because you can see

Gravedigger. Dude, Gravedigger? In case it was just five bucks. Gravedigger's kind of washed. Gravedigger's washed? His horse looks like cop, like cop merch. That makes sense.

It was crazy. I think the vendor... Megalodon and fire. Did not place very high, but sick merch. Yeah. Anyway, that's an aside. So you'd make me go see Monster Trucks. You'd make me stop farting.

So you want to give me joy. You want to take away my joy. Makes sense. I want to give us joy. J-B-J-T. J-B-J-T. Amen. J-N.

J-Nullifier. Joy Nullifier. Joy Neutral. Joy NeT. JBJT. Amen. JN. JoyNullifier. JoyNullifier. JoyNeutral. JoyNeutral. What would you change about me? What would I change? Do you agree? Do you think I should read more?

Do you think I should ask Mr. B's fucking level one stupid shit questions? I can call him up. Call him up. Call him up. Call him up. Pussy boy. What would you like to do, Aiden? I think I want you to eat enough bananas to get like gone gone. Yo, you like to do, Aiden? Uh, I think I want you to get, I want you to

eat enough bananas to get, like, gone gone. Yo, you're jacked. You're the alpha of the podcast. He's so You know what I maybe would change about you? Is I'd make you Ludwig's size so that both teams had a strong man. Had a guy. Yeah.

Because, you know, look, we are kind of split down the middle. We usually take each other's side. They usually take each other's side. But if we had someone who could fight, you

know, Ludwig, which we don't, I feel like we would fight them more. I thought we were going to fight them. Like me and Nick were going to fight. Gumball to Gumball.

That's what we talked about last episode. But honestly, that would be unfair. We'd break you in half like stick bugs. No. No.

Your juices would come out. Because I probably need like 30 more days down in the like stick bugs. No. Your juices would come out. I probably need like 30 more days down in the iron fortress. He's the pusher on the polar. No, guys, he kayaks five more days, he's there.

I carried him both. A few more grams of CB2. I'm training to kill. Ludwig is born to kill. What's the difference between us? And I can still kill you. Born to shill more like it. Fucking bin sand.

I want to fill Ludwig up with juvie. Ew. Because it's a research chemical. I want to do the fatality on Nadeshot where you kiss him and he gets really, really big and explodes. Like the Willy Wonka kid? Yeah, like that. But they explode. Except it's Sonya Blade.

What would you fix about me? I guess I'll start. Okay, please. Why'd you just, like... It's like I've been sat down at a buffet. The cartoon scroll just fell and rolled across the room. I'll fix your weird fucking eyes. It's mine!

We'll get to that. We'll get to that. Whoa, buddy! We'll get to that. Me first there, bucko. Not excited, huh? It's not a lot. I bring a lot.

I'd make you carry a fucking boat. You've never done that. Carry a boat onto a set. Go on. You know what? I would... I think it would be helpful if I spent more time... Can't be big naturals.

I was going to say thinking about the podcast. That's so thoughtful he said that. Yeah, the podcast. It's so thoughtful. He said, yeah, it is. It's a real answer. Cause I show up and it's out of my mind. Yeah.

I think I'd make you a drug dealer. I wouldn't think that would be funnier and more interesting to me. I would love to hear about how his shit's all stepped on and he's pissed off about it. Yeah. I want you to hear your phone ringing and then go to pull it out and then say hello. And it's the wrong phone. And then you you to hear your phone ringing and then go to pull it out and then say hello and it's the wrong phone and then you have to pull your other phone out because that was the correct one uh-huh because you have two of them okay i

want that for you right so drug dealer noted probably won't do that you think you should talk about think about the podcast more oh yeah i would like that too. If you did. I think... That was so crazy. I think I would... What I would change about you, Dubbin, Dutton Anders, is I think... I think if you just became so weak...

No, that's... You just want that personally. I do. You just want to beat me in combat. You just want to kill... Because you don't actually believe you can kill. Right now, I can't. Right now, I can't. Give me two months, I can kill. You know what I'd change in combat. You just want to kill it because you don't actually believe you can kill it. Right now, I can't. Right now, I can't.

Give me two months, I can kill it. You know what I changed about Aiden? Coming back to Aiden. I feel like, you know, we've got, like, he's got, like, PS3 vibes. And he's got, like, Xbox 360 vibes. Okay. I feel like I would give him Xbox 360 vibes instead of the PS3 vibes that he currently has. I think he can't have those vibes.

Are we going back to Aiden being fucked up? Yeah, actually, I agree. It's more like switching his vibes. It's like, it's like, I owned a Wii. Yeah. Yeah, that's the point. That's the point.

That's what I'm trying to say. So I'm the PS3? I mean, it was the most PS3 answer you could have given. Because like, he'll be like, I got Blu-ray. Oh, I bought this watch. I have Blu-ray.

It's cool. It plays Blu-ray DVDs. It's like, you know, kill yourself. We don't care. You know, you know, a moment that me and me and Nick shared at chess boxing last year. Boop was when someone brought you gibbets and you had a bunch of gibbets and one of them was a yard logo gibbet.

And you were like, you're like, ah, gibbet. Like you always receive free shit. You might as well just throw it in the fucking air. But the yard gibbet, you're like, no, no, no. I want this one. And you put it in your crock. He likes the yard.ibbit you're like no no i want this one and you put it in your crock he likes and me and nick were like he likes us he likes us he likes us because we didn't know we live in we live in constant fear that you hate us we live in constant fear and so

when you put the jibbit on your crock we are like it was like getting an engagement ring slid on i also didn't form in the air what happened is is Nick Yingling was behind me like a vulture, and he was like, can I have them? Are you going to eat those, Lud? And so I handed over to him, and then I just picked out the one gibbet that I was like, I'll keep this one. And I think I also had a Ludwig 7 gibbet. Yeah, well, you know.

Yeah. You got to keep one racist gibbet. It's not racist. Oh, Ludwig 7 is not racist. Okay. You know what I would change? Ludwig 7 is racist. No, no, he does a communist salute.

Oh. Which can be racist. It could still know what I would change? Ludwig 70 is racist. No, no, he does a communist salute. Oh. Which can be racist. Could still be, but it's different kind. I would change. I would, if Ludwig suggested something for the pod every week, just like even, you know it'd be funny if we did this. Or you know it'd be funny if Aiden got big natural. If he just threw something out in the ether, I think that would be something that gets his juice pumping through me. I just have such a little

juice. You are a busy guy. His juice is spread thin. We just want to suckle some of it. We just want a little bit for our brain. I want so much of my juice. I want a little bit of your juice. You literally want so much of my juice. I was being nice bringing it up, but

I only want a little. You give us my juice. I was being nice bringing it up, but I only want a little Zero juice Only one is like a couple drops of juice if I gave you all my juice you would still be on your hands and knees like The Saharan desert not true you've been a drought you condition us for years to just not have any juice And so now it's like we get a tiny bit of juice like You slurp like vacuums all of you, but I don't have shit to say Because I don't go out So it's like You have been more social lately

And I just skipped that So I can't really be asking For more juice Because you're like Giving it to me And I'm like No thank you please I go out

I set up a hangout I set up a hangout With Mango and crew He's been begging for it Ever since I'm hanging out with Mango tomorrow Tattoo? Tattoo time?

What time? What do you do? I'm getting psycho Raz from Psychonauts, and he's getting the Time Wizard from Yu-Gi-Oh. Oh, nice. Nice. Yeah. Okay, Aiden, his fucked up eye.

Go. Yeah, you have a fucked up eye? I do. I got a fucked up eye. Can you explain what's happening with your eye? I haven't asked you about this yet. You just woke up with a fucked up eye. No, I went to bed with a fucked up eye.

My eye is just really dry, and so it feels like it's kind of getting scratched by like, not something super sharp, but like the edge of a leaf occasionally. Do you have a stye?

What's that word? Stye? Do you have a stye? It's like a little bump. Want me to check? I don't know what you're talking about. Do you have a bump in your eye? A bump in like the corner

of your eyelid. I don't know. That might be what's happening. Do you feel like you have that? Because your eye is red all around it. Have you ever experienced this in

your life? With this eye thing? Yeah. Sometimes I'll wake up and my eye will be really dry but I'll be like oh it's a sleep thing.

You don't have a me to tell you literally. But it's been happening for 24 hours. We've been getting a lot of comments

since season one that you blink a lot. I've read that comment a lot that you blink a lot. Oh I have seen that. And I'm wondering if you have what I

have. What do you have? The. And I'm wondering if you have what I have. What do you have? The... Genetic problem. The fucking eye twitches. I'm not fucked up like you, bro. You are actually more fucked up than me, currently. Speak to that.

I think he drinks a lot of water. I'm wondering, he's just looking at it. I'm just blinking, you weirdos. Normalist. Focus on your own paper. Fucking normal, dude. I had twitchy eye for a long time. weirdos normal stop focus on your own paper fucking normal dude I would not I had twitchy eye

for a long time I like twitches but I don't like facial does it but like I can feel it like bumping I will twitch a lot I don't bring it up though

I guess I think it's I think it's cooler to have it and not talk about it yeah than have it for you it's more like a slick rick thing

me it's like my whole personality right right right yeah he's a generational he just has like a twitch you look like you're gonna have goo pouring out of the This is the dry. I think I don't know I think it might be from motorcycles to be honest Like from the wind in your eye too much. I think like some clits book got in my eye and hasn't gone out Why don't you wear some damn sunglasses you damn? But got in my eye and hasn't gotten out.

Why don't you wear some damn sunglasses, you damn... Tarek stole them. Eat yourself some damn dinner. Tarek that fucker stole them. I also have a helmet, but I lift it up because it's so hot lately. So is your 10K step thing over? Oh, I skipped it. Yeah, he skipped it. He failed a day.

What was on the line? Oh, I thought you were talking about my 10K race. I also skipped that. I lost that. Jesus Christ. Okay, here's what happens. I lost both your 10K things in your life. Why life I shit life falling apart at the scene because I'm busy bro I was supposed I had this bet going with American Pete for four months

where we each walks away laughing American piece like come on I know like I'm American friend it'd be like if somebody was in America and you called them like Croatian Eric. Yeah. That would be crazy to do. Yeah, that's what we say. We call Shake check Matus. That's what we say to him. Because that's normal.

Yeah. He wouldn't mind it. Okay, so you... He does wear it on his sleeve. Which is peace. He's proud. Kelby calls him like Drizzle. I'm like, why are you doing that?

He'll be like Drizzy. I'm like, that's not the right guy here. Kelby always wanted to be a rapper. So I had this bet going for four months, 70K steps a week. It's about 10K average a day. But like, you know, I would backload it usually. Had a bad start to this week. I end up last day needing to do 20K steps.

I only do 15K. I lose the bet. I had to get him a ticket to America from Japan. He might fuck me with business. I don't even know yet. Oh, yeah. I try to cheat too. I won't even lie.

Can I interrupt? Can I breaking news? Breaking news. We got nominated for best of at the 48 hour film festival. Oh, you got nominated. We got nominated. Let's fucking go. Let's go.

Yeah, it is fucking right. We are them. We're them. Well, there's a lot of nominees, but we're in there. Oh. It's like, well, it's not that it's like, you know, there's like 20. Let's go. Yeah, it is fucking right. We are them. We're them. Well, there's a lot of nominees, but we're in there. Oh. Well, it's not that. It's like, you know, there's like 20 out of 159. There you go.

Nice. We're fucking big. We're smoking on big dick. I'm smoking enormous cock, brother. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying. I know what you're saying. I heard you.

Between his naturals. We're smoking big dick between your big ass fucking naturals. It's not consistent about who's getting them. Yeah, we're really slipping out of what we're supposed to work on. There's no continuity to this at all. He's supposed to have the naturals. What? I'm getting fat.

He's getting fat. Well, you're going to have naturals whether or not... You will actually have naturals. Yeah, you're supposed to be much more natural. Mine will be by magic. By way of magic. Or surgery, I guess. Well, then they're not naturals.

Yeah. Supernaturals. Big supernaturals. How is that not a gamer tag? How does no one have that yet? All right, go on. Well, then they're not naturals. Yeah. Supernaturals. Big supernaturals. How is that not a gamer tag? How does no one have that yet? All right, go on. Sorry, it's a free one. You cheated on your shit?

I tried to. How? Because I had the last few steps and I was just like, I was just like, come on, man, come on. You were shaking your Fitbit? I was trying to shake it.

It wouldn't work, though. I was trying to shake the last drop out. And then I was just like it's curtains So wait it was it like in the midnight hour like you couldn't get there for 24 hour period or you just gave up midnight It's the hard cut off. Just put that shit on Swift and his clap really loud. You got like three thousand Yeah, I just I took the L and you you you put it on cuties wrist and then you say Taylor's outside She'd run around for eight miles I couldn't find her yeah, she's like an AI so weird She'd run like a room but trying to make

You fuck up her pathing looking for Taylor but would work though You fuck up her pathing looking for Taylor. A Roomba would work, though. Would it? Yeah. I think if it shakes a bit, maybe. Really? It's moving smoothly. A Roomba with one of those, what do you call them?

Things you put on a dash? Bobblehead. Bobblehead. We need to develop a robot that can help you cheat at contests for walking and running. Oh, I lost, so it's over. You guys are going to buy him a ticket. He comes to Disneyland, sees beautiful Disneyland desks. Disneyland. Right. He's American P, so he might buy him a ticket. He comes to Disneyland. Sees beautiful Disneyland-ess. Disneyland.

Right. He's American Pete. So he might have been a Disneyland. He's American Pete? And he's from America? Yeah. That's even lamer. If he's American Pete from Japan.

What did you think before? Dude, if he's a Japanese guy named American Pete, that's so funny. Yeah, that's funny. That would be funny. And he's just like walking around going like, yeehaw. Went to the Valorant Championship on a Saturday

and it was at the Kia Forum right next to the SoFi Center. And we're like, we're showing up to the venue and SoFi is so huge. And I was like, dude, Taylor packed that out for six nights straight.

And Valorant can't even get like half for one day You know I saw the crazy about that event is Ben Affleck went and he plays KO What he didn't interview at the event and so is he on musk? Who cares yeah, so Ben Affleck's there with his kids, and he's like I play K.O. K.O. and Raze you know fucking nerf jet like blah blah blah, and I'm like he might He might have the largest penis of any KO man in the world. Yeah, he might. Yeah. Because we've seen it. In Gone Girl.

He's packing a fucking... Does he have a big penis? He's packing a big penis. It's beautiful. I think he has the largest back tattoo of any KO man. Have you seen his back tattoo? No. A lot of weenies play KO. Is it like Clown Jesus? Can you look up Ben Affleck dragon tattoo? Is it really cool

or is it kind of lame I'll let you guys be the judge of it dude I would love to get in a ranked game with Ben Affleck and feed with him in it

like fuck you reindeer games uh dragon sorry oh my god Jesus that is gigantic that is beast mode I want to tattoo

that big so bad that's crazy it is it's a giant I like it phoenix or dragon that covers the span of his back That is gigantic. That's beast mode. I want to tattoo that big so bad. That's crazy. It is. It's a giant. I like it. Phoenix or dragon that covers the span of his back. He got roasted for this.

The color is great. No, it's tight. Yeah. I'm telling you what happens. Dude, he just stays winning. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, I think that's cool. And he helps his team. Maybe he played Counter-Strike.

That's why he plays KO. Yeah, he just wants to play Counter-Strike, man. Yeah. But he also maybe likes robots. I think he lied about the tattoo as well, which is why it was weird. Yeah. Maybe it's because he's in a fucking gang and he can't. What if Ben Affleck is a Chinese triad?

I think this is just Scientology. It's just Scientology in the gang? Scientology is like the triad of Hollywood. Yeah, but it wouldn't be a dragon. It'd be like L. Ron Hubbard. Dude, how sick would it be if like the Scientology, I don't know,

the, what is it called? Community? Not the community, like the owners of it. The leaders? The cabal? Yeah. The Scientology cabal?

David Miscavige. What if they had like a, like an esports team, like a branch, and they were like, this like, team Scientology was in like, League of Legends,

and like Valorant, and you know what I mean they had a fighting games player like they have Sonic Fox so you were saying they own a team and they sign people or is it like from the ground up like they train someone in a cave to be good at like obviously no no it's the first it's first of what I meant but I like what you're saying because because that's how they operate like in gold base they'd be like we need to get on this league shit it's gonna pop in 10 years let's go abduct some kids, Shelly Miscavige, change to a radiator somewhere. Yeah.

And then they just train all these kids in a dungeon. With no good players or practice or sunlight. You give birth in the hospital. You get your baby. Like, this is your baby. And it doesn't look anything like you. And you're like, this is my baby? And you're like, yeah, they have your real baby.

They have your real baby? Because they checked the DNA. Why not just use the original baby because they know because they know your dna is better i already covered this do you understand this is like they checked the dna you're espousing the fox news stories in the lead-up to the olympics in beijing where they said they kidnapped people to do gymnastics for 18 years. Do they not? Who is fuck? Fuck news? Seems inappropriate to say. But okay, but

think about it, Dovin. Think about it. No, I think I put enough thought in it. They have like a VPN to Korean servers? I think the future of esports is esports companies who are using it to promote something. So I think a Scientology team makes sense. And you don't think, you think Nade's on that shit?

I think Nade's on that shit with Juvie. I think the Army team's coming. It's going to be Semper Frag. Dude, I have the worst, like, no one would like the player. Yeah, that'd be cringe. They should know. What they need to do is silently fund something. They can't be like, go Army.

No, but then that would defeat the purpose of the atmosphere. Yeah, but then you have to like a dog whistle like people who drink like Freemasons could get away with it cuz we all like don't really understand it so like if the Freemasons had like a really dope like rainbow six team dude what about like the electricians local 48 like Union eSports team right UPS drivers have someone to represent them at Worlds. Dude, five young kids dressed as UPS delivery guys? The DeWalt-Valorant roster.

Bro, the firefighters from San Bernardino County just won the International, bro! Dude, that'd be so- that'd be insane. There'd be a strike if it was a USPS team. Yeah, they would just strike and not play. The fact that they'd spend all the money on esports and not get them new trucks. You know they don't have AC in their trucks? Yeah, because they're a big and open. Wait, that's not true.

They're a waste of my money. They don't have air conditioning in their trucks? They don't have AC. Can I say something kind of funny? Yeah. My mail lady is so pretty. Dude, his name's Aiden. Come on, man.

Call him a fucking male lady. The person who delivers my mail is so beautiful. Once every three days or three podcasts, you just talk about a breathtaking woman you saw. Dude, the door opens next time, you should be like, and this one's for you. It's a love letter. It's a love letter. It's an invite to Sue Plantation.

It should be an easy delivery. Baby, I got $35 at Sue Plantation and they got blue jello this week. You can get one every month. Every month. Not at $35.

You can't get red jellos this next week. It's a lot of money. Is that where your thoughts ended? That's all my thoughts. She's beautiful? Yeah.

Wow. It's like, who the fuck is getting a male delivery job? Like, what are you, go be in a movie. She's too beautiful to getting a male delivery job like what do you go be in a go be in a movie? She's too beautiful to be a male

Full women shouldn't deliver mail. No you think she's positive That's for ugly gruff old men In some man's job. Yeah Ugly ugly decrepit old woman. Uh-huh. Also. Ugly? I'm an equal.

It's for ugly people. How's he? Pretty people shouldn't be doing work like that. Your, like, patriarchy report card is just stellar. What are you talking about? You're talking about how women are too beautiful to do certain jobs. I think they are. That's all. Don't say it earnestly.

You supported his solution to diversifying our female presence on our show was giving one of us boobs. I'm doing it! The next time she shows up, you should be like, baby, you should be in a movie. You're too beautiful to give me one of them. You should try that. Yeah, imagine saying this to her. I now understand. Wow. You're too pretty to be doing this. Baby, you're J beautiful to give me you should try imagine saying this to her i now understand

you're too pretty to be doing this baby you're jamba juice material does she fuck with me yeah does she absolutely not does she fuck with your white boy but if she did that i wouldn't like her then you would like her anymore i only like if you don't fuck with me i will say you can go viral doing that Look up the Home Depot lady Oh yeah The woman who worked at Home Depot She would film herself And then people would be like you're too pretty to work at Home Depot

Really? Maybe I'm just becoming a fucking boomer I need to rinse this out of my body Every day you go to Home Depot And you buy one home improvement thing And every day you're asking for her body. Every day you go to Home Depot and you buy like one home improvement thing. And every day you're buying, you're asking for her help. And every day you buy one thing.

And then after a year, she goes, you come in here a lot. Like, what are you building? And you say, our home. Oh my God. And then you show her a photo. And then you go viral. You have a home built for the two of you. And also a big straw effigy of her. She tweets it out right after you leave.

It goes viral. It goes viral. Your straw effigy is now up for auction on eBay. It's up in flames. It's wearing a Home Depot apron. Into incels watching this in six months, it might be a burned method. I don't know if this is gonna work.

Dude, incel burned methods like you're scamming fucking ATMs. Oh my gosh. Scamming Home Depot employees into dating you. Today's podcast is brought to you by Cash App. It's got tools for saving, spending, and sending. It's an all-in-one way to control and grow your money.

You know what I did this weekend? What did you do this weekend? I bought nine dogs. That's a lot of dogs, son. You bought nine? I bought nine. You bought nine dogs? Why would you not start with one dog?

Because nine is easier to take care of and I've talked about this It's a way more expensive way to have a dog I don't think it's more expensive. Well, it's more expensive in that it costs nine times more money But you know, it's not you know what you get back more nine times the amount of love Okay, so the money the money does not scale as much as the happiness and joy scales Linearly, it's exponential. Do you know I've happiness and joy. How do you afford that? The happiness. Nine dogs. It scales linearly. It's exponential.

Do you know I've named them all? What'd you name them? Well, there's Prince. Prince? Yeah. Wow. Daniel. Daniel.

I don't need to hear the other seven. How do you afford nine dogs? Because I saved up. They're all purebred. And I saved up for nine dogs. You saved up your purebred. I saved up my bread B pure. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying?

So you tracked it, you budgeted it. I tracked it, I budgeted it, and then my reward at the end of all that hard work of saving and making sure I had my finances straight is buying nine dogs. It was Corbin and eight other dogs. And that story's a great example of why you should download Cash App in the App Store or Google Play to see what's the number one finance app in the US App Store. It digitized his savings and it got him other dogs. And that story's a great example of why you should download Cash App in the App Store or Google Play to see

why it's the number one finance app in the US App Store. It digitized his savings and it got him nine dogs. That's like the American dream. One of them is named Digitize. What'd you, what, what, what for? Digitize, realize, realize.

And you go ahead and click the link in the description below if you want to download Cash App. What's in your pouch? Tell me about it, kangaroo bear. My, my, like fanny pack? No, the other thing on your App. What's in your pouch? Tell me about it, kangaroo bear. My, like, fanny pack? No, the other thing on your body. What's chapstick?

I'd be so mean if you meant something else. Maybe like your stomach. Some tampons and pads for my girlfriend. That's a good boyfriend. I have my library card. Can I have a tampon? No. Thank you for asking.

I have my passport. What if I need it? My passport. What if I need it? I got my $2 bill. I don't give a shit, honey. Why do you have a $2? You have a laminated $2 bill?

What the fuck is that doing in your pocket? It's a gift. This is a $2 bill, and the number on it is 8888, so it has an 8 in every corner, which is very lucky in a culture. In China? I want to touch it. Let me touch it. Oh, did Nick give that to you?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. I didn't know what culture is. If I was wrong, that would have looked give that to you? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. I didn't know what Guster was doing. If I was wrong, that would have been bad. Nick Wang? Yeah. You were there.

You were there. Nick Wang gave it to me. It was a gift. Dude, he gave me a coin. God, this is my only wish. Can I get a water on that? I don't want to smell it. He farted.

You can get a water. We're going to keep going. How about everyone leave? Go take a break. I'll entertain the podcast myself. Stop looking at it like a Japanese businessman. I'm not leaving. Stop talking about it. Oh, you're not leaving? No, I don't give a shit. You don't want everyone leave? Go take a break. Give it back. I'll entertain the podcast myself. Give it back. Stop looking at it like a Japanese businessman. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving.

Stop talking about it. Oh, you're not leaving? No, I don't give a shit. You don't want to leave. You don't scare me. I don't scare you. All you do is fear my ass. I don't fear any part of you.

I could beat your ass. Yeah, but you fear this because you started crying and thrashing around in your chair like a toddler. And you didn't get all your Cheerios on your tray. Why would I fear what I could beat? I don't know. That's a great question. I can't answer that for you because you do fear it.

You're not getting all the Cheerios on your tray and you're slapping around, thrashing around and now because I'm telling you that you're being a child you have to sit there and stink. You want to start a book club? I do. Me and you, we do a book club. I think you would Fall behind every time

No I don't Fuck with that You fell behind On your bet I fell behind After four months I was at 65k steps I'm not exactly

Fucking like a Mile away Well actually I'm actually two miles away But you get what I mean I feel like If I read the book And you didn't

The first time It would just fall apart It would What is this book? We're gonna start a book club. Book club? You look like every day I'm jubbling. Every day I'm jubbling.

Me and you, we start a book club. We can talk about the book in the Patreon. Slimon Ludwig's book club. That's a good idea. That's so funny. I would love to do that. What should our first book be? Something New World. Podcasting for Dummies. That's so funny. What do you want to do? I would love to do that. What should our first book be? Something.

Brave New World. Podcasting for Dummies. The first book. Yeah, so he's not in it. It's just me and you. It's just me and you. I'll throw you a lifeline. We rotate the roster.

I'll say something. I will laugh. Give him nothing. But not that one. Give him nothing. Is it because it hurt too much? I don't know, bro. I don't want to think about this shit.

Let's do a fucking Nora Roberts. I got one off the top. Song of Achilles. Song of Achilles? No, it's not something you've already read. I haven't read it. I'm only 85% of the way through. No.

It'd be convenient. You have to start. You have to start something for fresh. All right, well, anyway, stay tuned to the slime. What's a book that... The Bible. Let's read the Bible. Dude, the Torah?

Oh. Stay tuned for Ludwig and Slime's book club. We will be doing monthly installments. Ludwig and Slime's Spiritual Jewish Adventure. Where we... Oh, every month a new religion. Ooh. And we become very pious men.

Ludwig and Slime light the menorah. And then you guys become real monks. And then we get to be a podcast with former monks. We need at least one. And we beat Jay Shetty. We need one monk. Because I think that's what gets trash chased a million views per episode. Who wants to volunteer?

They made some sort of arcane monk deal. It's got to be one of... Well, it could be you because you're bald. It could also be him because he would think it's cool and foreign. Yes. You would find it cool, I feel like like in the same way you find Sunset's cool I wanted to be a monk for a while because of Avatar the last airbender But when you were does like anime and anime is close to being a monk. It's not an anime! I'm just saying anime. No it's animated. Who's to say?

It's just a Simpsons in anime. Thank you Who's to say? Simpsons in anime. Thank you Yes, yes, if you're watching the Japanese dub or the the the episode where Homer finds himself in Japan Mascot I actually think it looks really good. It kind of makes me sad Yeah, I know I couldn't look that good if I did the same thing. I don't think looks good I miss your hair. I think you looked great with your hair. You just look like a fucking guy No, the cut does everything Dude

I will say I went to the Valorant Afterparty I wasn't able to go To the actual Champs finals Because Nick fucked me But the afterparty

Was at this like Airport hangar And I'll let you have that one I'll let him have it It was at this airport hangar Huge place And so it was kind of hard

To like find people And see people It was dark out Whatever And nobody recognized me Like people I know Like other creators yeah would walk up like a tent tens walks up i'm like hey tens and he looks like this like a like a shriek on his face and then i was like and it took him like three whole seconds and because he's a bit drunk he's like ludwig dude that's funny. And this happened multiple times

where I would greet people very friendly, like friendlier than they expected from a stranger and they looked at me as if I was a stranger. Your hair's just too connected to your breath.

Dude, how do you feel to be normal? Nobody recognizes me anymore. That's what we feel. Did you like it? Huh? Did you like it? I don't like being a commoner. I wouldn't think so.

I've lost my nobility. Shit was mid. No, I don't mind it. The only thing that's weird is that interaction. It looks a lot better than the first time you shaved it.

Yeah, because the first time we did it bad. I think it looks worse now. I think it looks good last week. It looks bad right now because I have a helmet head. Shaving your head is like directly related

to how good a shape you're in. If you're in amazing shape and you shave your head, you just look good. Yeah, thank you. I want to shave Yeah, shave it down to the ass you goddamn fucking pussy boy I might shave it to the ass You'll go further pumpkin spot for the see a latte

PSL PSL pussy boy latte PBL yeah what does that mean uh yeah I wanna shave it to the butt cause I'm so close and I'll never get this way again cause I'm never gonna go bald am I not am I not right to be upset

that he wants to do this now and that he also wants to change out one of the quadrants in the exercise I tell him these fucking ideas he calls me an idiot to my face says I'm wrong and then a week later

he just says I'm right can I tell you some ideas that you haven't said i'm right i think he doesn't say it's like that one time he said he doesn't say i'm right he just says this is a good idea like it didn't fucking come from the beautiful ball before i say you're right that's a good idea that's all i want it's you say you know you're right but when it's a bad idea i don't say you are wrong you should i say this is a bad idea that's the same thing no you are wrong. You should. I say this is a bad idea. That's the same thing. No, it's not. But then why when I say this is a good idea, is it not the same thing as saying?

No. Because you know what? For it to be different, you'd have to say I think it's a bad idea. Because you were saying it is one. Then you're saying it's it's wrong in this. It's not a good idea. I say the same thing for positive as you do for negative is what I mean to say. But it's when you roast me for saying it,

which is fine because I do the same thing to you, but it's like when you come around a week later, just hold that. I think he's just used to the idea being questionable, so the auto response is... It is right. He is right in a way that... Because a lot of the time,

it's like eight times out of ten, the idea is like, shoot me with a gun. Yeah, you've lost my trust in a way. Let's go fishing and we'll use guns to shoot the fish. Let me ask you a question. If we uploaded tomorrow a video

of Ludwig shooting Anthony with a gun, would it get more or less views than an episode? Oh, more. Okay, so is it a good or bad idea? It's a bad idea. Why? Because the horror it causes. Does it all come back to viewership? Because we lose views on all the future episodes after because he's dead. What would the value of the viewer should be?

Money. Money. So we're stretching it to eight minutes? Temporary short-term gains for long-term losses. No, it would take an hour. Or it would be a short that got 20 million views. We would shoot him in the second minute, and then he would be in agony for 58 minutes. So we're not killing him?

He's just so... That's horrible. What a horrible product. Of course we're not killing him? He's just horrible. What a horrible product. Of course we're not killing him. We need him for the podcast. No, you could turn it into a short 20 million. That doesn't get that much money.

Dude, Maya, like, talking to a ferret gets 20 million views. Yeah, but that's... That's Maya with cute animals. She broke Normie's fear. That's timeless. Yeah, we can break

Normie's fear, but with his content. Yeah, but, like, the clip would go viral and you'd see it, like, new podcasting craze happening in California. California-run government, Blue State, shoots state shoots people like that would be it and then they'd show the clip

It's like bang and this you going And then that's it sound like it would be our eight to ten minute video which people are like ooh And then it's like stick around again. I'm gonna shoot slime No, it's so easy dude You start the video and it's like alright three two one cut and it's like yo So today guys welcome back to the vlog and then like eight minutes into the video We're actually a gun range and we shoot him. I think that's bad. Why it's because it would have really terrible What it gives you's yeah, but the watch should be bad. You wouldn't get that much money

Here's what we should do. Hmm. You do a tick-tock live stream a vertical live stream and in big text it says i am going to shoot him when the timer reaches zero and then we just put up an hour countdown and then we have a gun in frame and then you are just standing there like whimpering and like talking to chat for an hour yeah and every time a new viewer comes in to watch the broadcast it increased the clock by three seconds. Yeah. So everyone's like, stop joining. But everyone wants to see. That's pleased.

And that's the machine. Oh, that's a good idea. And that's the black mirror. It's a reverse sub-a-thon. And that's the next sub-a-thon. Or we get more creative. Instead of just baiting forever, we film and then like VFX shooting you. And then we like somehow swap from live to that.

Yeah. And then we play it. Yeah. And we fake a shot. And then you die. And then we like somehow swap from live to that. Yeah. And then we play it. Yeah. And we fake a shot and then you die. And then I fake my death? And then I can live in Kurosawa. You know how hype it would be

if we faked your death and then we brought you back to life like 40 episodes later? Dude, that would be insane. That would be amazing. That would be every dream I have with my parents. Like they come back to life.

It's always I see my parents, one of them or both because they're both dead now. And I'd be like, where have you been this whole time? They're like, I faked my death. And I'm like, that's so annoying. This is the saddest thing

you've ever said to us. That is so sad, yeah. Yeah, this is. I don't think it's that sad. It's happened for over a decade now. Has it happened to you? No, I've dreamed of my father like twice. And you're never like,

where have you been? No, I just cry. You cry? Yeah. I don't've dreamed of my father like twice. And you're never like, where have you been? No, I just cry. You cry? Yeah. I don't cry in my dreams. I do. Pussy boy. It is a recurring dream, it's insane though. I fucking hate when you cry about your dead father. Cutie does this thing to me,

where like, if I talk about like, like my mother, I'm like, oh, I miss my mom's call. And she's like, I wish I could call my mom. And I'm like, I don't do this every time your dad calls. I'm a dead parent. It's not like every time your dad calls, I'm like, shit. That's nice.

Oh, man, I don't have a day off. Well, then you do. Wait, we got off track. You were saying about... Your ideas. My ideas. We think that they're bad

sometimes before that I was yelling at you you're mad that I want to go bald now because it was bald to the S yeah

bald to the S everyone was mad that we we said like we made him bald in the last episode and then it's actually in the Patreon

and I just forgot I thought it was in the main episode oh really I didn't do it I didn't do it on purpose I was just like, because recently,

RC's been titling it first, and then I'll come in, and I'll change it. I was like, oh, yeah, we shaved his head. Let's do that. We briefly talked about putting the clip in the beginning.

Yeah, yeah. That got confused me, and then everyone was like, oh, nice fucking bait. And I'm like, we've been baiting like, I feel like they're all baits. Aren't they all?

Yeah. We talked about this last week. You know, there's ethics involved, and some of them get eschewed. You know, it's about viewer expectations and hitting them. Which Dub and Dubbent do. Sometimes we whiff. How was your CB2 trip? Did you do it?

Yeah, I did it. Yesterday. Did I come home? He is never. If he's home at midnight, he's in bed. So if he's home at midnight, I will not see him. But he's usually not home at midnight. He was home at midnight last night, and he's just in midnight he's in bed that is like so if he's home at midnight i will not see him but he's usually not home at midnight he was home at midnight last night and he's just in the living room on his computer and i'm like i walk in i'm like oh maybe he's a little high and i'm like

what's up and he's totally normal and he's like no fun he's like hi i'm like oh okay boring uh and yeah go ahead take it away you walk into your room slap the top of the banister and say i don't want to elaborate extensively because I don't want to come across as endorsing something heavily, but I saw plants breathe. I thought that was funny. Dude, he said that to me.

He was like, yeah, I saw plants were breathing and I'm like, oh shit. You might be broken forever. The skull on the wall told me it was time o'clock. So that was fun I had fun Had fun You know what I've been doing

Me and Miles Have been going to the Bicycle hotel and casino And playing poker Just cracking Fucking people's necks open dude We can't stop losing Yeah

Okay that's good Yeah Beating Cracking people's real necks outside for their winnings. Yeah, we're broke. We just go and we fight people in the parking lot. No, we play a lot of poker and it's been really fun. We're just, we keep joking.

It's like, because you get a set one in nine times, right? And we're just like, we just, we're hitting 50% of the time. We just can't lose. You get a set one in nine times? One in nine. That's. If you have a pocket pair. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's like, we're just like we just we're hitting a 50% of the time we just can't lose you set one in nine times One in nine that's if you have a pocket pair. Oh, yeah, okay We're just we're just it's we come home with these fucking bands, and I'm just like miles. You know this forever, right? Incredibly temporary this is never gonna needs it to live well my I'm staking himaking him until he's got a bankroll So it's like 50%

So he'll just go and play and then he wins I get 50% back I play with my own money And we just got these fucking bands What are you playing right now? I'm playing 5-5 What's your buy-in? 5-5 blinds?

Can you explain poker to me like I'm a child? I will do that 5 What is five five? Five five there's a small blind and a big blind that is the cost to play in the game Two people have to pay into the game. It is a blind bet You don't see the cards until you get them and then everyone plays. So small and big are the same? Wait, that's why I'm confused Sometimes they're the same, sometimes they're different. It's usually like five ten or something right? Sometimes it's two five The smalls are never bigger than the big but they can be the same and fives and thirds are a lot because you're paying per hand It's like me and different. It's usually like 5'10". Sometimes it's 2'5". Sometimes it's 5'10". It's never bigger than the big, but they can be the same. And 5'3'' a lot because you're paying per hand.

It's like me and it's like Ludwig. 5'5". He'll never be as big as me, but he could be equal. Exactly. I'll take that. It's also backwards what I said, but... Yeah, it's been really... We come home and it's like the fucking Ocean's Eleven soundtracks playing every time.

Right. We just can't lose. Yeah, unless it's like a question about trivia on fucking Australia's oldest One or brew battles. I mean we did lose. I met a bunch of people from uni In Oz for a bunch of Oz boys from fucking uni love who went you were in city who are out and about they worked At riot they were at brew battles, and then I told them about this wager, and they were like, he's fucking dumb. And I was like, yeah. You fucking stupid.

Yeah, they're Riot sanctioned when they're saying that. I don't like Riot employees being Australian. Can I say that? Nope. You can't say you did. It's not as bad as when you said, my mail woman is too beautiful to deliver mail. That was worse, so you're absolved. I did say that.

People will only think about that, so you can say actually anything under that. How do you feel about British ride employees? One came up to me that is a listener at the event. A listener as well? Yeah. There's a lot of ride employees, by the way. Yeah.

I don't care. I don't care. It's a cabal. It's a lot of Riot employees, by the way. Yeah. I don't care. I don't care. It's a cabal. It's a cabal, but like, I met people and they're like, I'm a recruiter at Riot. And I'm like, oh. That's weird.

Yeah, dude, Riot has a fucking coffee shop on campus that's theirs. It's so nice. I'm a Riot barista. Yeah. Yeah. It's also like themed

after like some in-game lore. It's actually nuts. It's so cute. It is very cute. That's what happens when micro, lore. It's actually nuts. It's so cute. It is very cute. That's what happens when micro... Dude, let's just... Yard microtransactions. Can we get Mogi Mocha?

And it's like our coffee shop here. By the way, this is just a way to get employees to stay there longer and work harder without actually compensating. Yep. So like you're gassing it up. That's why you really wanted the gym here. I don't want... Because you wanted us to slave away at the office.

I wanted to work out and I thought other people would want to get fit. I don't want a fucking Mogi Mocha. And maybe John Riot wanted a coffee shop because he likes coffee and then all of a sudden other people have coffee. John fucking Riot never shows up. That's the difference between him and me. I don't want Mogi Mocha. I want to start charging people for microtransactions. I want to get fucking paid. Like how so? We have a Yard mobile game.

Oh, Aiden. Aiden Quest. Aiden Quest. Feed him. It's a cookie clicker, but you just feed me. You just feed me. Catch the cookies.

Dude, make Aiden fat, and the person who has the fattest Aiden is our king. Our king for the week. Yeah. Well, you hold the king. You have to hold the crown,

but someone can pass you up and take the crown. Someone can take it, and every week it changes. And whoever's the king has free Patreon subscription. It's like the striker of the day from Mario Strikers.

There's a new one. Striker of the day. Striker of the day. But it's Aiden's sexual babysitter of the day. Okay, okay. For him. What is that?

What? What is that? I don't know what you're saying. Is it sexual babysitter? I don't know what he's talking about. I think you know what he's talking about. I don't know what he's talking about. I promise.

I know I'm acting nervous but I don't know what he's talking about. Did you fuck sexual babysitter? I don't know what he's talking about. I think you know what he's talking about. I don't know what he's talking about. I promise. I know I'm acting nervous, but I don't know what he's talking about. Did you fuck a babysitter? What happened to you? Oh, no. I didn't fucking. He told me he fucked a babysitter. I didn't fuck a babysitter. You've never fucked a babysitter? I mean, my girlfriend watches babies for a living.

Oh, so she's a babysitter. Oh, and you fucked your girlfriend. You fucked your girlfriend? Without telling me? Oh, so she's a babysitter. Oh, and you fucked your girlfriend. She's a you fuck your girlfriend? Without telling me. Oh my God. How embarrassing. That's fucking gross. Aiden you What? You look breathtaking. Thanks. You like my sharks? You look beautiful. I do like the sharks. I like your sharks. I wanna swim in your ocean. It's shark week here baby. Nick asked you to get down this position I'd like if you sat in the chair. Well, I didn't ask for anything.

You know, I don't think, no, for one, Nick did ask that. He this position. I'd like if you sat in the chair. Well, I didn't ask for anything. No, I don't think... For one, Nick did ask that. He demanded it. And that is true. He demanded it. But I think you should not be in the chair. Because I think this is a great thing. Yeah.

That where you are and what you're doing. And where are those from? They're from me undies. That's great. Oh, that means they're probably pretty stretchy and nice. This is like a mood setter. You know what I'm saying? And that's why I think it's really important.

Why are you on two legs? Anyway, get in your damn chair, Aiden. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, you'll stay in the position. Listen to the parent that you think you respect the most. Look, MeUndies is great. They have monthly shipments right to your door. Mini options like undies, socks, loungewear.

Don't get in the chair. Undies, socks, loungewear, and bralettes. And available in all sizes. So you get Aiden's size, extra small. Papa, I told you not't get in the chair. Undies, socks, loungewear, and bralettes. And available in all sizes. So you get eight in size, extra small. Papa, I told you not to get in the chair. I know, buddy, it's okay. It's okay, you don't have free will. So when MeUndies comes around knocking,

it's the best month of the day of the month. Yeah. Because I get more undies. I only have eight pairs. Yeah, you've been actually talking about how you don't have any underwear. Do you slingshot them to me? Because they're so stretchy.

Oh, they're so soft. They're comfy. They got style. They got little sharks on them. Aiden, get on your fucking all fours right now. Why is this breed so long? They're soft. They're stretchy.

They're breathable, which is unfortunate for us because we kind of want him to suffer a little more, but they're actually so comfortable. You're looking at the product right here. This is the MeUndies. And Aiden, if you could tell us, do you think it's more than comfort? Like, do you also enjoy the style of it? What do you like? Because you're wearing them right now. I feel like I like my Sharkies. Back on all fours. They're well drawn.

Back on all fours. Back on all fours when you talk. Back on all fours when you talk to us. It's on MeUndies, right? So anyway, if you guys want to head over to me undies comm slash zipper Hey, you get 25% off your first order plus free shipping zipper wears them and only them every day That's me on these comm slash down boy. That's me on these comm slash zipper for 25% off your first purchase plus free shipping Hey, stop Sorry

Sorry, he's not trained. I'm sorry, he doesn't usually do that. Back to the episode. So, okay, we make a mobile game, and we fucking- we win. We win! We win! We win! We win. We win how? Well, this is a million dollar idea. And then you combine this with my iPhone layout. With like the- The mogul moves- the mogul moves- the iPhone layout.

With the app. What do we do with the money? We spend it on fucking boats We spend it On boats That will be strong enough To carry by then We must be strong enough

To carry them And we'll also buy a monster truck We'll get in the mix Of grave diggers Dude okay look At the monster truck rally They had the Scooby Doo Sponsored truck

And it's very hype It looks like Scooby Doo Mystery machine Oh it's not a mystery machine It's a dog It's a dog And it's weird Because there's also

A second dog It's crazy because There's a vehicle in Scooby Doo There's a dog and it's weird because there's also a second dog it's crazy because there's a vehicle in Scooby Doo there's also the monster mutt which is also a Dalmatian dog

but then there's the Scooby Doo one we get the mobile moves monster truck and we have stake in the game driven by Nick Yingling

this sounds like getting I went to Seattle to hang out with Dr. No Slam and he was like you guys really

gotta up your promo game like your shill game I was like what are you talking about he's like yeah for like your hello fresh ads you gotta be more proactive you could get like two boxes of blue apron and shit in one and say like I can't even tell the difference

and he's like yeah you need to be more creative with your ads alright we'll hire him I'm sold I didn't realize he was that level of marketing expertise And he's like, yeah, you need to be more creative with your ads. All right, we'll hire him. We'll hire him. I'm sold. I didn't realize he was that level of marketing expertise. That's your friend who's a real doctor now, huh? He's closing in.

He's closing in? Yeah. And we still make more money than him? Well, yeah, because he's a, you know. Well, he's going to be a resident. He's not going to make money. Oh, he's not even a resident? No, he's about to be a resident.

I smurf his peak. We smurf his peak. We smurf his peak. And your residents are government employees. When your college friend Sam becomes a real doctor, finally. This is four years down the line. No. Yeah.

Because you do residency for like three years. So when he becomes a real doctor, we still fucking clown his bank account. Yeah. And he saves lives. We smurf his peak. He saves lives and he's been in school for so long. Isn't it funny you make more than a doctor, and then you say, we should make a mobile game so we make more.

Yeah, because we have to feed Aiden. We have to make him big. He has enough to get big. He's identifying diseases in people, and you're talking about making a cookie clicker that makes me fat. Are there doctors that are looking for a job? Can you be a doctor and be like, I can't find work? Is that a thing? Maybe work you don't. yeah like probably work you would like no no i mean

like i mean like you know almost every job as a doctor is pretty high i think you clear six figures as like only if you're being fucking picky what really yeah if you're being picky because i read about this is like why would you ever become a proctologist if you don't like poop and people are like well because you know what they need proctologists and you don't like poop. And people are like, well, because you know what? They need proctologists. And you're a doctor, and it's like... And you heard those little kinder egg toys in there. And there's little cars inside their ass. Can you look up

median salary of Doctors Without Borders? Because I don't imagine they're clearing 60 years easy. That was beautiful. The only word he said that was real was garçon. I don't know word he said That was real Was garçon And I don't know Anything else

I didn't say garçon You kinda did No It's What's doctor Top borders in French Uh Uh

Ooh Doctor sans medicine I thought it was Sans frontier Oh maybe Oh yeah That makes more sense Yeah

Wow He knew it I didn't know it Point one This is bad This is really You guys have never You guys have never Faced off this way so it is one I literally doctors Next week I know you said doctors without no I did I did I just say that that's crazy

Well there there are none of those they all have medicine. I've been practicing my French in the car really yeah bonjour Bonjour excuse moi es que mon copain peut vous baiser This is your friend with big boobs? No, can my friend fuck you? That was for me. Je m'appelle Nick, right? That's right. Ah, va te faire enculer.

That was, why do you nod? They do that. You look like a Japanese thing. No, that's French. That was like a mixture of cultures. Sumimasen. Sumimasen. It's! Tsumimasen! Tsumimasen!

Tsumimasen! It's kinda like trying to do French Peter. Yeah. It's like... It just like breaks your brain. Twisted in half. Wait, we have fuckin'... What, dude?

What are these? Oh, yeah. A microphone? Oh! What are these? Is this a zipper? This is a zipper. There was this guy that hit me up that does these.

And I asked him to get them. This is cute. That's pretty cute. Yeah, I care someone stole it over like your local flyer Well see it someone put on the subreddit someone stole our local or our logo for like some local flyer Oh, I think like they probably googled yard logo, and they just found this right solar logo What I mean, can you look at that? Well, it's undefeated moguls. We are undefeated. No moguls We were we did you see there No. Moguls. We were. We did that all the time. There was like an art.

It was on the Reddit. There's like a poster for an art fair. And somebody just used. That's what I'm talking about. Used our logo. That's what I just. That's lit. Can I see it?

I want to see it. That's what I just. Oh, I thought you were. Because he's talking about something different. No, but. No. What made him say that was him saying that first. Where were you?

Aiden's talking, sweetheart. Go ahead, buddy. Because he corrected you. I thought we were talking about a new thing. You get sensitive about this. I'm not going to break you down for it. I just want you to know this is extremely funny for me right now. It was crazy.

It was crazy. Because you only heard the Ludwig part. I can't wait for you to hear this back and be like what was I zipper can you look up side effects of cb2 it can only it can only fix from here like you Aiden this is like a Christmas a little bit for me you have no idea you're relishing too much now you relish you relish in the thing that you do all the time. I shouldn't have said it. You relish in the thing that you do all the time. I shouldn't have said it. I'm a criminal. Ah, shit.

Lock me up. Lock me up. Lock me up. Give me a Pepsi. Put me in jail. Hey, hey. Lock me up. Lock me right up.

What makes me livid about this is because I never behave this way when you do it. I let it go and I don't say anything any time. And you do it all the time. You literally do it all the time. I'm going to do the thing like I did with the packages.'m gonna i'm gonna do like i did with the packages where i note in my phone every time it happens and then i will show it to you the next time it happens spreadsheets i win did you know that it's me and you what are we gonna do what are we gonna do you know what i've thought about this aiden, because this comes up in many relationships, friendships,

dating, parental relationships, where some people are doing an equivalent bad, but one side is maybe a little haughtier and louder about the bad. I am hotter. I am hotter. And so I think the first reaction is like, ah, let me track this. Let me track this and show you why you're being a piece of shit fucker. And I thought about doing this in the past

but you know what it leads to what hurt people hurt people hurt people no it doesn't it leads to data driven

this is where Aiden and I agree that's right kind of this is where Aiden and I agree if we look at the fucking spreadsheet

and the spreadsheet says oh you were wrong or I was wrong we will be like oh yeah this is yes yes this is we're together now but do you agree this is what I think and the spreadsheet says, oh, you were wrong or I was wrong, we will be like, oh, yeah. Yes, yes. This is, we're together now.

But do you agree? This is what I think. You have to embrace this. Because sometimes when this comes up, when this comes up with a thing, it could be anything, because part of me is like, I feel so strongly like there's a pattern

that I do not acknowledge in turn, and that's why it feels bad. And then, but it's like, what if the pattern in my head is actually not as clear or as or as consistent as i claim and then like with the packages and then i did the package what is the packages what is the packages okay in the old house in the old house maybe i there there was a complaint about the amount of packages that were filling the space

okay and i felt like the way that it was leveraged was that i i was a part of the package problem like am i contributing this who who's how you know how many packages are stacking up in the house from who so for three months i tallied packages on my phone this was so beast to me to see because it's like maybe I do leave packages in the house Maybe it is me After three months, I had three packages Nick had four You had 15

Counting your girlfriend at the time And then you had a cumulative 70 And I was like, oh, I was right And then it just all it did was it made me feel good. And then did you like bring this empirical data to be like, rub it in? Uh, no, no. I just made me feel better. Cause it made me.

That's why we do it. That's why we love data. That's why we love it. This is the fear. The fear is that my passive assumption about what is going on is incorrect. Because it's like, maybe I am the problem. You like being validated in it. But then by, I proved that I was like-

No one likes being told, hey, you're doing this wrong. And you're like, I don't think so. And then you think you're right. And then you prove it with fucking math. You had the most by so many. It was insane. Because I'm assuming, this is brought up by Cutie, I'm assuming. Because I didn't bring it up.

Because I don't give a shit. Yeah. And then, but you brought it up to Cutie. So I think you relished in finding the data and then showing it to Nick and slime I would no no no no look I don't even recall. I don't even think I showed I never saw they know about the package thing though. We know about him. We know because we know I told them I was tracking it yes, and we know that I didn't know about this I was like I was like in my head. I was like i'm so sure this is i don't because i

don't want to be the roommate that's the problem and i'm like i'm so sure that this is ludwig and so i i had to collect the data and i think this is bad holy i don't think it's bad to necessarily track the data but not confronting it is just like still letting the problem exist but like thinking you are superior wait but you think confronting i thought confronting it was the problem in the beginning wasn't because you didn't want him to confront him with the data about this well i think like if you're saying it ahead of time it's fine the problem okay so if you're like being like hey i think you're right so in this case if i could give you two examples in the case with me and anthony i would probably confront him about it because it would be like, because he's insisting that like, he would be insisting that he is correct. But, and then I would be like,

no, I'm showing it. But Cutie, I, to me in the, in the months that followed when Cutie brought up the problem, she named you specifically as the source of the issue. So it's like, I don't need to show her that it's you, you know, I just wanted to show myself that I'm not fucking crazy, and it's not me causing this problem. Yeah, I could've told you that. You didn't have to track. I was a waste of your time. Anyway. I mean, I think you're in the lead.

You ask me. In the lead? I think if you tracked this, I think you'd be winning. And so what is this track? It's hard, because it's like, the amount of times i am tuned out and jump in i'm like what i think it's a different tracker because it's like the the volume sorry the mass of that error has to be also measured somehow you know what's funny too is tracking it i'd be like oh wait what did you guys just say just now it's like that's like normal human stuff but like with aiden i'll get i'll i'll i'll be like, oh wait, what did you guys just say just now? It's like, that's like normal human stuff. But like with Aiden, I'll get, I'll be like,

we literally like talked about that, like, and you were like staring at us. I think tracking it in a conniving fashion also can adjust your behaviors. Oh yeah, that changes the meta. Yes. Like you, cause you would perhaps be more focused. The way you actually track it is to go back.

Yes. Not go forward. Cause then it would be honest data. The way you actually track it is to go back. Yes. Not go forward. Because then it would be honest data. That's hard, too. It's very hard. Yeah. But that's what I love about a podcast. All your future data is skewed.

That's impossible. Because you're tracking, and so you're trying to do less. Not on a podcast. And that's why those fuckers in the goddamn subreddit, when they were mad at us for, like, interrupting Levy a bunch, I was like, no, I'm right. And I skitzed. And I did the same thing Aiden did. He did do this.

And I literally sat back And I skitzed. And I did the same thing Aiden did. But I did this. And I literally sat back, listened to the episode. I charted every time we like interrupted him, how many times there was a diversion, how many times he got his story through. And it was like, this data is, this lines up. Everything's fine. You guys are mad at an invisible ghost because I won. I beat them. I'm not using Levy as an example for this, but I get so mad when people get mad at us

for like interrupting guests because they don't know we're saving them. They don't using Levy as an example for this, but I get so mad when people get mad at us for like interrupting guests. Cause they don't know we're saving them. They don't know we're saving them from a mid story. They have no idea. Ludwig. I don't know if I agree with that. I don't know if I agree with that. I disagree.

It's so true. I didn't think the problem with interrupting Levy, that specific episode was the problem was, I just said it wasn't Levy. He didn't. Yeah. I agree with yeah in general i think you're correct maybe i with levy i feel like it's about he didn't he was clearly frustrated by being interrupted and that's the problem yeah but then but we we read that social uh like that vibe and

it just became like okay if we do want i feel like we need to pop in we pop in we pop out and that that got kind of communicated early on in the episode and it was like fine it was like butter the yard is a comedy show not an interview show it is a comedy show we are interviewing people and we're also we have to interject to be funny or else we are only interviewing them i don't know if i agree that if someone talks, I think not giving them the opportunity to present mid is bad. Like, I think cutting them off to be like, you were going to do something mid is like a very selfish thought. Give them the chance to fail before they fail. I think having to sit.

Okay. I don't think I've ever done that. When you interrupt also, it's like you also can tail at the end of something mid unless you have to sit through it but it's like you can save something retroactively by like retconning it at the end by saying something funny so you let them run out their mid shit and then you like pop in with something really good but you let them finish the other the more add shit is just a pop-in i also think the poppins are tough because the poppins derail and then the original point sometimes gets lost or is just less impactful when split up what about the pop and gamer be like this this is a good example or a pop and swing but what you see what i do this is what i

do when i touch you guys is i'm creating a touchstone of like we're gonna come back to this yeah don't you understand that i'm doing that because i want to finish stories right and then i wrap all the way back around i think i think the people complaining about the interruption being bad because the story didn't get to finish is worse because it did functionally yes and that's correct but you know what they were fucking wrong every one of his stories got finished with the maximum diversion time being 30 seconds but it might have been worse if it... It doesn't matter.

They were complaining about the story being finished. Sure, okay. They didn't... If they were complaining about it not hitting as hard, then they should have said that. And data is good. Fuck yeah. Data is...

R slash data is beautiful. That's what I've been saying. And I'm going to post my package note back. With Ludwig's 10th Naruto liquid package. Oh, it got here, guys. It got here, and he opened it six months later. Which is not Ludwig's fault. We can't complain, because we were wearing all the extra merch.

Yeah, I was wearing them sweatpants. But he went two years without paying a single utility, and now he's mad at me. You learned something new. I wasn't mad at me i you learned something new you want something new i think i think even if there's an inability of people online to express why they didn't like something they're probably right at their core somewhere no i agree that's why you take feedback and it's it's about volume and it's about information it's not necessarily like but they need to be able if they're going to make a post bitching I think they have infinite time to craft this

craft it better that's all I'm asking but also I'm not stupid I'm not trying to get them on a technicality but I'm saying holy you're feeling a certain way because you don't know why and that pisses me off

but I still am understanding what the problem is I think I'm more introspective than people think you are? Yeah. But I just like... Don't give him that. Don't give him a little giggle. I just like crack in their necks because it's like, shut the fuck up. You have time to craft what you're saying. There's no...

There's no shot clock. I think that most people react to a moment in comment. Yes, they do. And then don't feel shame if they're proved wrong seconds later. Yeah. I was told that. I think they don't expect a response most of the time Which is like that ik I think would you live your life not expecting to be? Imagine like the average video you interact with like like if you're commenting on like a veritasium video and you're like this part sucked It's like the chances of the dude like replying to you are just really low

The level of engagement you provide for the scale of your like celebrity is a very granular you're right but we just shouldn't be typing things to places where they're publicly and people being like this won't be read it just shouldn't be in our head i think that that when you comment i think i think everyone does this i think when you comment something there is an assumption that it will be read, not replied to. Like, I think that when you go somewhere and you go like, this was bad. Like, even if you don't like kind of expect it,

you kind of know it will be read by this person most likely. Unless this person has, you know, 50 million followers. It's like, okay, they won't read their Instagram comments. If you go on a thing and say like, I think you're hot. Like, you think they'll read it. Yes. Unless you are commenting for commenters. Like, if you go in and- and say like, I think you're hot. Like you think they'll read it. Yes.

Unless you are commenting for commenters. I think that's a lot of it. I think it's commenting to see people who comment for commenters and that is also stupid. I think if you say this part sucks,

you're kind of curious if other people agree that this part might. Yeah, this part did suck. That is validating. Anyone reading this in 2023? Dude, I am. I'm reading it.

And they don't want to be alone. Anyone in this room with me podcasting in 2023 YouTube comments have to be the worst thing ever Why is that? Because the old ones the because there's so many like fucking copy pastes of like hey Timestamps zero zero it starts and then it's the end of the video time Sam. It's like this is the end Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu And then there's like the porno accounts that are like 18 plus and it's just a big ass

Yes, everything you're describing is awesome And then they're and then if they just take the top comics as a bot look YouTube wasn't always a job It was just a place where you put the art for always uploading a funny video every week who What who oh I was like what uh YouTube wasn't always a job it was just where you uploaded videos and before YouTube was a way for people to be to make attention and like be famous there was just beautiful comments of people just sharing ideas being funny interesting or dumb or bad or just saying this sucks eat a dick like it was just raw and sick but then when YouTubers got famous and that became a thing you could do there there is like a like a trickle down effect to commenters

where they go well i also want to have 400 likes on my comment and so they say things that they think people will like wow this blew up wow this comments edit wow this blew up haha whoa thanks for all the likes likes as a currency has fucked everything this has ruined our brains yeah this has ruined and the comment section and also forums. Could you not always how long has it been since YouTube didn't have

likes like upvotes and downvotes on comments? I don't know. I actually don't know but it was more just it's more just about like comments were never a way to have notoriety

in the world but now they kind of are in a weird false way that people trick themselves. There's a weird paradox where it's like it is not in our brains and our dna it is something that must be learned to deal with a thousand comments telling you to kill yourself

or whatever like really mean shit it is not we are not built for that but what we weirdly are built for is saying that from an anonymous vantage to somebody it's okay and i had lunch breakfast this morning and he said the same thing he's like humans are just not built to be creators we're not built for the receiving end but we're weirdly built for the giving end of being one person who says you look like a lesbian i wish you were dead where were you just watching i'm the last episode I think about that a lot and it's like it's tough

yeah you're an iron fortress and you've never been sad ever I cried this week why? you dream about your dad? what?

you dream about your dad who's dead no why don't you let him tell you why he was crying do you want to keep guessing this is fun 20 questions bring up that shit was it about was it about a vegetable I'll let him tell you why he was crying. Do you want to keep guessing? This is fun

To bowl dream about my dad Did you eat the cry cry fruit There's a no cry cry for oh Oh that's good you should have eaten that It's called a smile And then it actually has a 1 in 10 chance Of making you powerful 9 out of 10 times though it removes all your ability To express emotion outside of smiling

He ate that And so when the child of the father who was protecting the village Sees his father get slain in front of thousands, he does nothing but smile. You were fed that. This is too complex to come up with. Your mom whipped that shit up at a young age. The fruit? Yeah. And she was hoping

I'd be powerful as shit. And she's like, eat this. You're either going to be a ball star basketball player or you're going to smile all the time. What did you cry about? I went to his concert Oh, it was just that beautiful. They was Wept do I I don't know what changed I cry at like every movie now everyone Yeah, I don't know. I was like never a movie cry credit bar. I'll just

Barbie What'd you cry at? Barbie. You cried at Barbie? There were so many women. Yeah, when they took the Ken gum away. I'm just Ken. I didn't cry at Barbie. You cried at Oppenheimer? Almost. Oh, at Oppenheimer. Is that you? Crying your ass off?

String bean? And I was crying. I was saying they came out the same day. It's so cool. You're just emotional and married. What'd you cry at? I don't know. I just watched a movie a day and half of them make me cry now. I America. What did you cry at? I don't know. I just watched

like a movie a day and like half of them make me cry now. I cried, yeah, I cried at Joe Hisaishi. He's a god. What kind of music?

He does the Gibbler soundtrack. Oh. Like scam rap? No, it's not. Is it like Skid Babytron open? No.

Joe Hisaishi featuring TJX6? Just him, solo act. He's the GOAT. He's like 80, and he does the same thing in New York, so I think he does it every show. But he walks off, and he gets a standing O,

because he's the GOAT. Comes back out. People go fucking crazy again. He points to every member in the orchestra, gives them a standing O, and then he walks out, and then he peeps back in. Everybody freaks out. He does it seven times.

And he kept going back. He would do a song, and then he walks out and then he peeps back in. Oh. Everybody freaks out. He does it seven times. Oh. And he kept going back. He would do a song. And then he'd leave. Then he'd come back. He'd be like, one more. And then everyone's entertaining him. I love that. You know what we do every show?

What? We go to the premium episode. Woo. We shovel that premium slop into your big Aiden-like mouth. Don't you understand? It's the only thing you have in common with us. And you can download it to feed me all day if you would like. We feed Aiden and he will get big. How many days until you

think a young game developer makes Aiden Clicker? And it's playable now in the app store. I mean, if Otto... Yeah, Otto's title is, I have 73 hours to build this Aiden game or the yard members will execute me. He's in a concrete cell. Well, you

guys can watch that or not. See you later. Good night. See you, you guy.