The Yard - Ep. 113 - Ludwig Made Us Go To France

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

This week, the boys flew to France! The boys talk about french people hating slime, ludwig threatening slime, and how we will take back what is ours...

🎵 Can you do the thing where you yell at Aiden in French like you're a guy? Aiden, get over here. Aiden's coming over. Tell me when you're pissing me off! Pardon. Pardon. Pardon. Tell me! You're making me sick! Pardon.

Pardon. Pardon. Excuse me, sir. I come in your bathroom. Toilet. I come. I want to blow it up like a mother fucker. Sexy, sexy night.

It went long time. My ass so backed up. It's so cool we have a translator. Welcome. What's up? Welcome to the cool we have a translator. Welcome. Welcome to the Yard Pontat in France, in Gay Paris, finally. We're here. We were walking back. You might be noticing that we're sitting

on cardboard, and that's because it is too early to buy chairs in France, and the grass is soaked, so we stopped and picked this up from a grocery store. Yeah. Salut. Ah.

Ah. Oh, hello. Tu regardes le podcast? Oh, ouais. C'est français? Ouais. I know enough French to know what that means.

Oh, mogul mail. Ouais, ouais. No, yeah. A guy has come up and he's explaining in French how he loves mogul mail. Je suis lequel? The doppelganger. Ah. Pleasure to meet you. Hello. A guy has come up and he's explaining in French how he loves mogul mail. The doppelganger.

Pleasure to meet you. Oh, shit. Little basketball? I would love to do that. We're being asked to play French basketball, which is played... It's just called basketball. You play with your feet. It's just called basketball. You just have a cigarette in your mouth.

Bye. Bye. Bonne nuit. Let's get this ready The fucking American way Bonne soir Bonne soir Bonne soir

Ooh yes sir Crack that Crack one American style Crack that American drink From America There's so much There's so much There's so much to talk about

The American drink This is so chaotic Bonne soir Okay first off We're in We're in gay Paris There it is. Yo.

Am I doing it? Hold on. Can someone Photoshop this to hold the... Behind me the whole time? And a couple of problems off rip. One,

Sly keeps saying bonsoir, which is a combination between bon nuit, which is good night, and bonsoir, which is like good evening, because James Bond

said it once. James, why does James Bond, Daniel Craig, say bonsoir? Because he probably fucking sucks at French. I think he says bonsoir. He probably, say bonsoir? Because he probably fucking sucks at French. I think he says bonsoir.

He probably does. Bonsoir. Like good evening. He says it so good. In the last James Bond movie, he says it so good. He can't say it that good because you did not learn it correctly. No, no, no. He pops up and he goes, bonsoir.

He's saying it to what he finds out is his daughter, who's like a little French girl. And she's like, bonsoir. And he's like, bonsoir. That might happen to us and Aiden one day. We might find out he's our daughter. That is crazy. You do have a daughter. Are you my daughter?

Am I your daughter? Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Okay, you can be my dad. Yeah. I'll raise you good. I've been Aiden's father all week.

Oh, yeah? Bossing him around. You've been our father. Dude, this is when we got the cardboard. We pull it from basically the dumpster of a grocery store as it's getting picked up We're like okay. This place doesn't have any chairs. They didn't have any recommendations for us, so we grab a bunch of cardboard I'm walking down the street with all this cardboard in my hand It's 730 in the morning, and we get to this intersection

It's all a bunch of French like people and kids like going to or going to work. And he just screams at me in French. And people turn and look. What did you say? Say what you said. You're just holding cardboard like a... I just have six pieces of cardboard in my hand. Like I'm his son. Pickpocket.

Pickpocket. What are you saying when you say that? I'm basically just saying the shit my mom used to yell at me like get over here like you pissing me off like yours you're always like this yeah she doesn't be like you're always like this god I hate you yeah that's that's kill yourself yeah your mom was saying all that yeah my mother she's cool that's She's cool. She's dope, dude. She's so dope. Dude, there's so many dogs in this park, and that makes me so happy. Yeah, there's doggies everywhere. Their French dog was definitely like a nerf, but they're still very cute.

I like to think, because there's a lot of, like, their dogs aren't really leashed a lot. So I just, there's a dog taking a shit right behind us. Oh, he's taking a big dump. Yeah, get it out. Yes, sir. That's good. Get there. Get there.

That's represent. Go. What's up, buddy? Oh, my God. This is the best day of my life. Oh, my God. Yes, sir. That's good. That's good. Get there. That's represent. Go. What's up, buddy? Oh, my God. This is the best day of my life. Oh, my God. Puppet bear. He's on the podcast now.

So there's this idea that I think that every, there's a lot of like stray running dogs. This is just like French people when they turn 40. They turn into dogs. They're just guys. Yeah, it's French people. It's like in Spirited Away. Yeah. If they don't eat cheese for a day,irited Away. Yeah. If they, if they

don't eat cheese for a day, they become dogs. They become dogs, and then, and then they have to be saved. Now the dog's coming up on Yan. That's a sheep up there. Uh, I sent a screenshot to, or a picture to Rainbow, and it was of that background. I said, guess where I am, bitch. But if you haven't figured it out, we're at the Champ de Mars, which is the grass park in front of the Eiffel Tower. Yeah. We went a little closer, but it was roped off and full of trash and shit. Dude, there is so much. There's like empty, giant liquor bottles everywhere. This city is filthy.

That's okay. Most cities are filthy, except Roppongi. But why are people drinking handles and handles of liquor at the Eiffel Tower? Because you profit in life. I have a theory. Because you profit in life. I have a theory. You make money, you have a good time. Me and Aiden workshopped this. So my theory is that the French are so miserable in their day-to-day lives that they have either

cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol every hour of every day just to talk to each other. Yeah. Just so they can be in the room with one another. Coffee and cigarettes are the baseline. Yeah. But you need a little booze in there, too. You just need something to have a conversation with someone else Coffee and cigarettes are the baseline. Yeah. But you need a little booze in there too. You just need something

to like have a conversation with someone else and not want to kill them. Okay. I think there's a level of hedonism to the French but we could also learn from them

because they have required two hour lunch breaks or I think 90 minute lunch breaks. Yeah they have nap time. Every day. It's nap time.

Nap time's good. And you can't take that away. Bonsoir. Bonsoir. In America we give too much power to the bosses of the world, and they dictate your life, how much you should work, when you get up, when you go to bed. Here, they have less control, because they go on strike if you fuck up one thing. Here-

I think they just don't have alarm clocks. You give your customers attitude when they ask you for US 11 size shoes. Ugh. I was- The lady was so mean to me. Sounds like I love this. Our interaction in the bakery changes my whole perspective of what happened to you at the shoe place.

No, the shoe place was fucked up. The lady at the bakery was annoyed at us, but the lady at the shoe place was genuinely like, I wish this guy wasn't in the store. Talk to me, pop-up. What happened? I go to the footlocker. I get shoes. Wap in.

They look good. I get some new balance. Everyone's saying it. I'm buying Nick's shit with some new balances. I don't, if you're going to buy my shit, just don't say you went to Foot Locker. I went to Foot Locker where new balances and others can be found. Where Nick likes to get his shoes as well. What do they call French Foot Locker?

Foot Locker. Foot Locker. Puss Locker. Cafeteria, I think. It is a push locker. Yeah, the largest food group they eat here is just feet. Yeah. You know that?

They eat off of feet. They eat between toes. Elf, cow, chicken. Feet? Feet. It's on every menu. Yeah, elf, feet. Oof.

Oof. I go to the food locker, and I want some shoes because mine are kind of ratty, and these are more comfy, and we're walking a lot. And I go in this, and I ask for, I hold up a New Balance I like, and the lady's like, she rolls her eyes and walks over to me. And then I'm like, do you have US 11? And she's like, and she just takes it without saying anything and just goes to the back, not indicating. And it was just like,

and she kept doing it, and I had to get another size, because it didn't fit, so I had to go down 10.5, because I'm a fucking small baby bear. And she brings it back, and every time, she was just annoyed to have to deal with me. What's fun,

doesn't say is he picked up the shoe, like Link, when he opens the chest, and he went, these! Yeah, yeah. I'm American! He sung a little music, too.

Are you not supposed to do that? He didn't. We were up early this morning to come here and it's like 6.15 in our hotel room and me and Nick are just getting up and dressed to leave and we hear through the wall

I'm a man! Through what seems like two hotel rooms. It's crazy because he went far from his mouth with the mic and then went quieter. You were afraid to be me. That's why you'll never be me, but I'll be you. I don't want to be him. Yeah, because you're afraid.

Because you're afraid. Because I'm afraid to be him? Yeah, I'm afraid of the social consequences. There's fear in your bloodline. There's fear inside of you. Was your father afraid? Is that why he had you? Did he have you because he was scared?

Did he hope that you would take away his fears? You're like a dog in his life and you need a companion. I feel like these are different questions. Are you the dog of your father's life? Why are they playing R.E.M.? Yeah, they are playing copyrighted. Are we getting copyrighted? If it picks up in the mic, I don't know.

We'll find out. Maybe this is the French's passive-aggressive way to kick us out of the park. Speaking of the passive-aggressive, or just the normal French. Uh-oh, dog's out. Sorry. Dog's out. What do you call it, Bale? Uh-oh, dog's out. Sorry. Dog's out. What do you call them? Bale?

What is that? Couple dogs. Don't put them in. What do you call them? Don't grab the grass with your toes like they're hands. Mes pères sont sortis de la maison. Peguisse. Il y a deux perros here.

Me and Yann, we were walking downtown, and this guy, just an absolute monarch of a man. He's like 6'4", and he's on one of the Lime scooters. So he's going real fast, and then there's a car that's like turning, but like stuck on the crosswalk. And he goes and he yells like, Allo! As he's like going up. And then he goes,

and spits on their car. Whoa. And then just swerves around the car. That's so boss. And I was like, oh, they're like that. Yeah, we make fun of them for doing, like they're spitting so boss. And I was like, oh, they're like that. Yeah. We make fun of them for doing like they're spitting in conversation and being mad and stuff.

And they just do that shit. Yeah. You saw it in real life. Here's what I've discovered. The French love people who speak French. Yeah. Okay. Because I've had amazing interactions with everybody.

And I speak like I understand equivalent to like that of a five to six year old. But I'm understood and I understand. Yeah, you show up and you say, where? And you don't. Where? And they hate you for it. Yeah. Because, and it doesn't make sense because, like, for one, like, tourism is what makes Paris operate.

Paris. Paris. It's just weird because you're saying that, like, slime doesn't know French. I don't get where you're coming from. Excuse me, can I see your pussy? that like slime doesn't know French. I don't get where you're coming from. Yeah. Excusez-moi. Can I see your pussy? You know more French than that, surely. It's also really all you need to know.

That gets you through most cafes. That gets you a hotel room here. That gets you food. I said to the guy at McDonald's and he showed me. Yeah. I was like, fuck yeah. Yeah, because my interaction's been insane. That's great. Well, I think you deserve it. Are they impressed? And he showed me Yeah I was like Fuck yeah Yeah cause my My interaction's been insane

That's great Well I think you deserve it Are they impressed Like do they know You're American What's their Dude What's it

I know I'm crushing it Because they never ask If I'm American They'll name every country They're like You're English Last night on the Uber He's like

Oh you're English Oh You're Brit And I was like American And every time I say it They're like Oh cause they just assume Your French could never be that good If you're American Oh. You're a Brit. And I was like, American. And every time I say it, they're like.

Oh, because they just assume your French could never be that good if you were American. I got called Canadian, which was high praise. That's funny, because your French would just be so different if you were Canadian, I feel like. Yeah, but I'm as equally unintelligible as a Canadian is. Canadian French sounds like if a French guy got hit in the mouth with a pipe. No. Yeah, he's right. It does sound like that. Or maybe if you like played French in reverse.

Like in the Black Lodge. Yeah, you try to say it. Yeah. But I will say this. It might sound like I'm bitching, but like also right after the Foot Locker thing, this is like down the street from the hotel. I have to get toothpaste because mine ran out. I get two waters and a toothpaste.

The guy punches it in and he punches it on a calculator because it's like a little like bodega like style, small shop. He punches it on a calculator and he shows me 10 and he's like 10 euros. I'm like, okay, cool. I pull out my card and he's like, uh, rolls his eyes, takes out the little card reader thing. And then he, I watch him. It's, and it's small numbers, but he punches in 18 euros. Yeah. And I was like, that's the tax for, uh, being you. And I look at, and it's small numbers, but he punches in 18 euros. Yeah. And I was like. That's the tax for being you. And I look at him, and I roll my eyes, and I just give him the card.

It's crazy because now he's rolling his eyes. Hurt people hurt people. Yeah, that's hurt people hurt people. Yeah, he misclicked zero because eight's right next to it. Yeah, because the eight on the calculator looks like a zero. And if you called him out, I'm sure he would have been like, ah, désolé, excuse-moi. Excuse-moi. Excuse-moi, monsieur.

Or the numbers, mes amis, I don't know. But I let him have it. I was like, you know what? He probably runs this scam once a day and racks it up. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. If he's scamming for eight euro, he probably needs it. Yeah. So I let him have it because I love a good hustle.

And also, the lady at Foot Locker, it's funny. I like the idea. So this is an inverse. People might be like, this doesn't make sense. But people in America, they have their job at Foot Locker or whatever and it's like corporate corpos say you have to be nice. Be nice to the

customer because they're always right. Me and Yingling work to Bed Bath & Beyond. Rest in peace. Salaam Alaikum. Rest in peace to your job? Both the company and Yingling are alive. One of these is not true. I'll let you guess. This is bad for me.

Yingling's dead. This changes my life. Bed Bath & Beyond went out of business, but they had this whole, like, you have to be nice to people. And there's a doggy bear here. I love doggy bear. And you have to be nice to people, and, like, no matter what here. I love doggy bear. I mean, and you have to be nice to people and like no matter what.

But here it's like if you don't like a customer for any arbitrary reason, fuck it. Let's let's ball. And I like that. It's refreshing. It's true. The customer is almost never right here. I think that's actually really cool. So when I go in and the footlocker lady makes me buying shoes a harrowing experience like

she has BPD, I'm like, this is cool. I'm down with this. French people do treat workers very nicely, at least in language. Yeah. They're always like, thank you, have a good day, be strong. What's the have a good day here? What's the have a good day equivalent? Bonne journée.

And then they'll also be like, bon courage. What's that? Which is like, good, good, good, be strong. Get is like, good, good, good. Get in the garage. Get in the garage. Get inside the garage. Get in the garage. Get in the garage. I want to keep you. That's because they all live in apartments and don't have garages, so it's like, you've

made it if you have that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. No, I get it. Do you guys like gay puri? Do you like it? Yeah. Aiden hates it here.

It's actually crazy. We love it, right? It's like. I love it. It's so fun. It's so great. It's so. The thing about it is that it's. And you've shown us here. It's actually crazy. We love it, right? I love it. It's so fun. It's so great, Ludwig. The thing about it is that it's a city. And you've shown us around.

And you've shown us so much. And you know French. Oui. So me and Yan hung out with Ludwig's sister last night. She's so much cooler than Ludwig. Oh, my God. She's pretty tight. Necessary.

She's like three times cooler than you are. And something that we deduced from hanging out with her is that I love when Ludwig is in France speaking French because he likes to talk about things because he likes talking in French. So like Ludwig's a man of few words with us normally where we're like we want him

to tell us how he feels and what he thinks and what's going on in his brain and we just can't get in there. But when he's talking French he's just just like, man, beautiful day out. This is a cool-looking car. He just wants to use his language, and he just talks more. I'm seeing so much wisdom that you're missing. I'm dropping so many little gems. I actually don't speak French, so maybe if I did English more,

I could get some of that wisdom that you got in there, bud. Yeah, what is it about French that makes you open up more? Because there are so many more words to say so many more things. It's a beautiful car. That's nice. You're right, man. Good fucking day. That's what you were saying. What did you say earlier?

You need three things. A batasserie. Every French man needs three things. You need fromage, one stick of cigarette, and a good fuck. It's like, what accent is that? That was like borderline Borat.

It's kind of what they do to Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast because his French accent has like the hardest R's. Is Lumiere the black face of French people? I wouldn't use that term, but yes. Why not?

Because I would probably find a word in French that would be more eloquent. Equally offensive. How do you say blackface in French? Let's move on. I don't understand. I feel like we're all having fun. So I like that. I like how there's an honesty here

is if you don't like someone and you have to serve them in some sort of capacity as a customer worker relationship you can just tell them to fuck themselves or be really rude to them. I don't feel like you do like this because you frame one complaint about it when it happened to you. I did complain about it because it was so new but I

walked away from it being like respect. I see. Yeah. Like that guy scammed me. I just don't know the game good enough. Right? Do you think that your job is to be mean back? No. Not at all. I see, yeah. Like, that guy scammed me. I just don't know the game good enough, right? Do you think that your job is to be mean back? No, not at all. 100% not at all. My job is to know the game to make sure people don't treat me like that,

which is either learn French or tell the guy, too many yours, too many. Too many. Less now. So I'm with it. I actually like it here. Of all the traveling we've done, I think it's pretty chill. To be clear, he's already brought up leaving a day early. I am.

I booked my flight. He already booked his flight to leave a day early and hasn't changed his clothes once. That's not... Haven't changed his clothes once. Okay, the first part, fine. The second one's a narc. The second one's a fax. Same clothes whole time. Both are fax. Most you've left the hotel probably on a trip. And fax don't care about your feelings, especially in France. Amen. Because facts don't care about your feelings, especially in France.

Because they don't care about your feelings no matter the situation. I've been pushing Slam. I made him come to a group workout. You didn't make me. Again, your sister suggested it, and I was like, well, I'll be nice. No, you were humming and hawing a bit. I was. He was humming and hawing, wasn't he?

Yeah. Me and Yam were getting dark intel about Ludwig from P. She does that. Yeah. Him and his mom will narc the shit out of his life. It's beast. They're airtight. They're not.

They're not airtight. They tell you surface level. They know the secrets that go way deep. If that's surface level, they know the shit about you. I've learned that Aiden would do so well here, and the reason why is we were talking to Lud's sister, and she was talking about how she's just made a bunch of friends, and we're like,

how? Do you go out and stuff? She's like, no, not really. It's like, well, how are you making friends that you're not making an effort to? She's like, well, the other day, I was just kind of, oh, hello! She was like, the other day, I was just like, bonjour, qu'est-ce que tu penses de ça?

There's a beagle that has just shown up, audio listeners. A beagle, and he's saying what is in French. Hello. You want to say something? Sorry. No, he's shy. He's shy. That's fair.

She was saying that, like, yeah, the other day I was just hanging by the harbor, and a fisherman came up and was like, can I have your number and hang out with you? And she was like, sure. And they hung out, and then they didn't talk ever again. Wow. And she's like, and I just made a fisherman friend. And I'm like, that's Aiden's wet dream. That is Aiden's wet dream.

Aiden wants a fisherman to come up to him so bad. You do want a fisherman to come up to you and grab you by the waist. Papa. Can we move? You don't like Paris, man. No. What? You sound like a fucking dude from Quincy.

Nah, I don't fuck with it. Why don't you fuck with it? I love how you don't like Paris. I fucking get up at 6 a.m. There's no Dunkin' at any corner. Nothing's fucking open. I'm up at 6 a.m. And it's just a bunch of fucking French people.

What the fuck? That's Quincy. Jesus. That's accurate. That's accurate to the land. Why don't you like France? As such a worldly travel person. Why are you so upset?

It is... It's pretty stinky and gross. That's most cities. And poopy. Okay. They do have more poop here than normal. It smells a bit like poop from an ass or a butt. That's part of what I don't like.

Hell yeah. I think people actually have hyped the smell up a lot. I don't like. Hell yeah. I think people actually have hyped the smell up a lot. I don't think it smells bad here. I think that there are pockets that smell like butt ass for sure. There's a zone

right outside our hotel that could cripple a small child. Are they burning poop for fuel and putting it in the street? Yeah, do they burn the poop here? It feels like they burn

the poop for fuel. That's why the bathrooms are in separate, that's why the toilet is in a separate room. Yeah, one's an incinerator and one's a toilet. It's a funnel where's why the toilet's in a separate room Yeah, one's an incinerator And one's a toilet Because it needs to go into the funnel Funnel where they burn

It's like McDonald's And then there's like Poopsmith It's not a Poopsmith That's a very deep level job actually Where you're just like shoveling Shoveling shit into a big furnace Into the big incinerator That fuels Perry

And that's why the air quality is so low I do think that French food is probably better for me Because I've been taking lots of dumps Oh yeah? Yeah, I've been dumping a high quantity and velocity. Anyone who's new to this, not hip to this, Nick is often constipated. Yeah. It's the funniest thing about him.

Consciuspated. When you're a dope rapper but also cannot poop. It's when you only shit in backpacks. I think Paris has some flaws, but to its credit, it is great to travel around. The metro's gross. It's just so hot. At least they have one. Just so hot.

It's got hit by a bus. Wait, hold on. Hold on. I didn't say it wasn't better than most of America. I didn't say that. Gun to your head. Gun to your stupid, beautiful head, my daughter. LA or Perry?

Gay Perry. Oh, like without this he tell a more than Paris for sure he likes Paris over LA dude but we went to okay so me and Nick stopped with it we'd like a design our layover in Copenhagen and it's just not even close Copenhagen it's just like Copenhagen is so much nicer than Paris. Meh. I think it's just like, Paris reminds me a lot of San Francisco,

weirdly enough. And it has all the same bad things about it. Speaking of Copenhagen, me and Aiden went to Christiania, which is that, how do you call it? It's like a sovereign nation inside of copenhagen or some shit it's like it's like a ungoverned i think yesterday made a video about this but it's like an ungoverned land where they are not technically part of the eu so you step foot into like this

walled off area and then you're just no longer in europe yes theory has a has a video about this that some people may be familiar with but i think a a long time ago, there was a group of Danish people who were basically squatting or living in these old military buildings that they had in this section of the city. And people lived there and had been set up for so long that when the Danish government came in to remove them, they were just like, no. And they just all said no. And there were too many people, and the Danes were like, well, we could turn our military on a bunch of our own citizens, or we could just take the L. Just let them have it? And they just let them have it.

You know what? You say a lot about America, but we don't let them have it. And it's so tight, because weed is illegal in Copenhagen. But if you go into Christiania, they just are selling weed everywhere and smoking weed everywhere. So it's like the Vatican City, but for cerebral runs. It's, yeah. Pretty much, yeah. It actually is.

There's a little less Latin and a little more weed. It's like Monaco. And everything is very, like, community-driven in there. You're not allowed to take any photos. So, like, you go, and it was kind of crazy. It's like in GTA when a drug dealer's programmed to check their shoulders every four seconds as an idle animation.

That was everyone. And they had stacked up milk crates and they were just selling drugs wide open, all types, hard drugs, everything. It was like if you were performing being a drug dealer. Yeah, in a role. Let me look over my shoulder like I'm watching out for the feds. But also, you can see my entire setup and the drugs very clearly from about 20 feet away. It's like you're an extra in a drug dealing movie.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And we learned. Hold on, the dumpster truck's here. Yeah, we do have a dumpster behind us. Sorry. Perry. Dude, there's five of those.

One for each of us. They're filled with poop. That's where they bring food to all the schools. You grow up and you begin strong. We did learn from some of the locals who were showing us around, they have a code word in the camps, which is cheese. And if they yell cheese, all the drug dealers just scram in different directions. That's crazy because in America it means to smile.

Yeah. But there's no photos there, so they don't have that problem. Right, okay. That's why it's photo free, because they don't want it to be confused. It was pretty fucking cool in there. It was, and we were, before we went, Moe, who was showing us around, was like,

yeah, I want to take you guys here, but there was just like a big shooting. Do you guys want to still go? And we were like, I think I'd want to go more. I'm from LA. I think I'm down to like, the odds here are probably still way lower of getting shot. There's a shooting in my neighborhood every week. And I'm like, fucking run it.

And I'm the one holding the gun. I'm like, let's dance. That's also bad. What's bad? Being the one that's holding the gun for a shooting in your neighborhood. I shot the sheriff. You take back what's yours. And Bob Marley, which is my password to everything

dude we're at fucking dinner all right i set up a dinner i i have a lot of complaints about paris paris is not my favorite place i like france but i like the south of france but we're at dinner i booked this place it seemed nice two hour like tasting menu eight courses hot as hell in that room you know he you know he picked omakase but in france because he's that big of a weeb it was not japanese yeah but they served you you had to they i don't think omakase applies to anything hold on set menus are not a japanese thing you know that right he's learning this for the first time i want to say yesterday but chef's choice for like a sushi chef and it could be different for like two different groups.

Omikase is what he's going to say. I'm going to say the step ahead of it. He's going to say it again. Omikase. Anyway. So wait, this is not a Japanese thing? No, omikase is a Japanese thing, but tasting menus, set menus are not. I have never... I grew up

in the fucking, in the doldrums, bro. When did you guys have your first tasting menu? What age? You know what mine was? 33. I was probably like 15. 20... Maybe like 23, 24.

Maybe six years old. Usually, I've never been to a place where it's the only option, but I've been to places where there's a menu that's like the chef's selection and they do all of it And then you could you can also choose your own stuff. I thought it was something that they invented in the feast. Have you never been to Ukiah? No He's never gone to Ukiah with you. We talked about this. That is crazy. I've been with so many people. You're the least favorite friend

I'm the least favorite friend of Ludwig's? Yeah, we're learning. He was threatening to never hang out with me again yesterday Yeah, because I wanted to. Easily. Yeah. Well- I- well what I- I didn't threat- threaten. I- It was- it was a direct do this or else. We were at- We were at LeJu. We were at a gay lunch restaurant. LeJu. We were at the Ju. It's called LeJu. Okay? LeJu. The Ju. I have some respect.

The- It's called LeJu. Gay Ju. Ju. It was a very gay restaurant. It was a very gay restaurant, but- Gay but anti-Semitic place. It was not anti-Semitic. It was full Semitic. I wanted to hang out with Slime that day because you were going to go bike around and go rock climbing. You were begging for my fucking seed.

I was asking to hang out with you. Yeah, if that's begging for your seed, then yes, I was doing this. Hell yeah. I want to spend any amount of time with you begging for my seed. Because what a high it was going to Barry's workout class and sweating our little tuchuses off. That was fun. And then getting dinner. Gay Marie.

And then- By the way, it was a gay restaurant. We're not being weird. It was literally- It actually- That part, it was also- It was like a gay bar. Full cinematic.

Probably pro- It was like a gay bar, but they had food. We had to pay for the 80s foreskin. Why are you saying gay bars couldn't have food? Because gay guys don't eat. That's why they're also cut. They're also skinny. They call it gay dinner here.

Anyway, you threatened me. I asked you to hang out, and then you said, no, I won't do that, and then went home and then watched Tetris videos and didn't change your clothes. I watched it. And played Pikmin. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. And then And then And then While you're there The one thing you did is like Let me leave earlier Yes

Yes bitch I guess we shouldn't be surprised right At this point And I didn't threaten you All I said is when we get back It's business like usual You said I'm never gonna hang out with you Unless it's for the fucking show

Which is Which is how it always operates You said business like usual But then you upped the stakes of the threat. I let the stakes be known. Let them ring. Let them sing. Listen, you piece of shit.

We had a really fun time traveling together and hanging out together before these jokers got into the mix. And I was like, this is quality time. Attention, terrorists. There was a place called Isis Cafe, and I'm like, oh, cool. They're turning a new leaf.

Yeah. They learned about oat milk., and I'm like, oh, cool, they're turning a new leaf. Yeah, yeah. They learned about oat milk. And now they're like, damn, we don't have to be fucking doing stuff like this anymore. What's up? We're back in America, Des. Today's podcast is brought to you by Cash App. It's got tools for saving, spending, and sending, and it's an all-in-one way to control and grow your money. Because let me tell you guys something.

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In Francais. So yeah, you held it over my head. You know what I said? I stared in the face of death and I said, no. Yeah, like a Frenchman. That's right. You become Parisian so fast. Easy.

Easy peasy. Because I like it here the most out of all you guys. I just feel like it's the most time you've spent in a place that we've been to. Huh? I just feel like it's the most time you've spent in a place that we've traveled to. That is true. I like it. I like that guy. I think a place that we've traveled to. It is true. I like it. I like that guy.

I think it looks cool. The Eiffel Tower? Yeah. It is pretty dope. I actually don't mind it. Hey, it is a weird color. Maybe it's time

to take back what's ours, huh? This was never ours. You want to go for it? They gave us. We should take back what's ours. They gave us so much. They gave us the Statue of Liberty, but how nice would that look

next to the Statue of Liberty? I'll give them back the statue. I'm over it. Let's shake it up. I have a bomb, and I'm going to use it on the monarch. Seuss my beat, cuyons. Seuss my beat, cuyons. Seuss on the beat.

I didn't like it. That's that shit that come with the roast beef dip. Yep. Listen. Fuck you. I was gonna say something and you fucked it all up, Ludwig. You got us out of here fucking 7am like an asshole. It's fucking bright.

It is bright. It's bright and it's toast. We did come during a heat wave, which is a bit of an L. It ends right as we leave, too. Come during a heat wave. What am I, eating in a sauna? The heat has had terrible effects on all of us. Including me, yeah.

Who has brain damage now. The worst part about being in France is the time zone difference is brutal. What are you talking about? The time zone difference. I have not felt the time zone difference at all. I've been doing a lot of work in meetings. It's not that bad. It is not bad.

Not in a jet lag way. In a logistics way. By the time that people wake up and do meetings, I'm working from like, I did a show last night until 11.30 and then I had meetings from 11.30 to 3am.

Oh my god. You still woke up for this. Yeah. Maybe you don't take a day off All I do is give Shit I've been I don't know I've been saying it for so long

And at this point I feel like it's just Falling on deaf ears Yeah I still don't really believe it Which is fun I don't think that all you do is give What do I take? Sometimes you take

Like name one time I've taken When you took away When you said I won't hang out with you He's not taking that away though You know what he said At the restaurant For two years

I won't hang out. Two years? Two years. Isn't that crazy? I said I said two years I don't think of you. I'm like

that's crazy. I don't sex with you and I don't sex with you. Don't sex with me anymore. Fuck you man. I love when he does a bad French accent. That's my favorite.

Yeah. Okay, why did they make it a poop color? It's just metal. Can we just look at it for a moment and just kind of take it in because it looks like

one of my dumps. Oh, I got distracted. At dinner, 85 degrees, slime to the room full of people just says out all my passwords.

Oh, yeah, he starts listing your passwords, which I know now. And he just starts going through them, every detail of them. And then he's like, and I got this one, too. And he just goes, he says another one. I was close to hollering off your social. I chipped one in, too. I had one.

We all have some of Ludwig's passwords. Like his horcruxes. Well, because, you know, I wanted to participate. Yeah. I thought it was important. People of Paris, uncutrapper89, exclamation point. That is, that's his Facebook. Leap that out, Archie.

That'd be so funny if I ask him, like, hey, Ludwig, I need your password. And he tells me that? Oh, my God. But I was saying, the one thing I wanted to do on this trip, which I don't think I'll get to do, is I wanted to fight Yan on the top of the Eiffel Tower, and whoever loses does a Mortal Kombat fatality. Yeah, loser gets ringed out like a... I was going to say loser...

Fatality is loser gets thrown off. No, yeah, you throw them up, and then they fall on the top of the spear. Yeah, why do you think you're not going to be able to do it? Because we just uppercut him. You throw him up and then they fall on the top of the spear. I uppercut him and then he's like, Yeah, why do you think you're not gonna be able to do it? Uh, because we just don't have time. Because he's leaving a day early. He's dodging it. If he was here for 24 hours, see what would happen. Alright, hey, Lud and Anthony, you guys have one try to try to lean on the Eiffel Tower in the video. And we'll see if you bink it later.

Okay. Ready? 3, 2, 1. Wait, we each go right now? Yeah, same time. Okay. And you just gotta bink it. No, stay here? Three, two... Wait, we each go right now? Yeah, same time. Okay. And you just gotta bink it. Don't stay here. It's already framed in between you. You're facing the wrong... Oh, you're leaning back. No, he's good. Alright, for the friends at home,

did they bink it or did they thank it? If I binked it, you have to be nice to me if you hate me. Yeah, that's the new rule. So, I hope I did it. And if you're not nice to him, he's going to say, post face. Post face right now. Post your face or spread your face. Dude, the problem is that they never post their face.

I reply to the fucking Dr. Disrespect stupid shit where he's hollering about pronouns and fucking Starfield. All it takes is one brave soldier in those comments to post their chiseled jaw. It was crazy. And slime loses. And they never do. They just can't. That one guy who was like, post your hard drive. And you were like, I will do it if you post just your face.

And he wouldn't. Yeah, and he kept calling me a pedophile. How ugly you got to be to not post your face for someone's whole hard drive. And it's funny because like- There's so many good documents on there. So I do this. I make fun of people who are like basically transphobic. And I just say, they'll argue with me as like, there's so many good documents. So I do this. I make fun of people who are like basically transphobic. And I just say,

they'll argue with me as like, pronouns are political because I grew up and my dad hates me. And it's like, okay, cool. And then, and then you say, post face,

post what you look like IRL. And they're like, what are you bro? A chomo? And it's like, no, you're just a kid. You shouldn't be talking right now.

Lean like a chomo. Has that been done before? I think it? I think it has. Yeah, undoubtedly. Unfortunately. Maybe not in a song context. That's another dog here, actually. If we feed the bird, will it come up here?

If you feed the bird? Yeah, like puppy man. Come over here, puppy man. I'll kill you with a drink. Dude, this like weird Euro accent. I don't know what it is, but I could get used to that. This is just like EU fake pop star. A pop star guy. Yeah.

Like the fake pop song that was going around? That's how he sings in that video. DJ Crazy Times? Yeah. Yeah, I think Paris sucks, though. Okay. I'm with y'all. That's fine.

I think the food is generally worse than the rest of France because there's so many rip-off locations. I've had some bomb food. That's the only thing I really like. There is great food in Paris. I just think that there are so many rip-off tourist trap areas that you have to dodge the mines to find the gems. And the rest of Paris, it's just good because it's just like you're servicing the people who live there.

The restaurant we went to last night was fucking amazing. I slept all day yesterday. Wake up really late. Yan comes home, my beautiful wife. He goes to sleep. He crashes. I'm like hungers as hell. Only thing open?

French McDonald's. How, how, what time was it? I called this. That's also, by the way, not true. I actually, I didn't realize that I won this war in my brain. But I said, what's going to happen is I'm going to book this reservation. I think Yan heard me say this. I'm going to book this reservation. I think Jan heard me say this. I'm going to book this reservation for Anthony.

He won't wake up, and then he'll get McDonald's. I said all that, and it happened all that. I did sleep a lot. You know why? It's because I've been pushing my body to the limit. Ludwig's goddamn sister said, let's go and work out a bunch. I said, that's cool. She's crazy.

You're a beast. She's super athletic. She works out a fuck ton, and at dinner, we were labbing this menu that's so good. It's like pizza and pasta and all this shit, and we're talking about what the best things are.

Winter comes over, all right, what can I get you guys? She goes, I'll get a salad. She dogs us like that. No, she was going to share everything. She eats her vegetables, very literally and figuratively. She loves vegetables,

and she loves vegetables, and she loves stealing Slime's clothes. She doesn't steal Slime's clothes. Slime stayed at her place and just never picked up a suitcase. Tell your fucking bastard sister. She's not a bastard. Don't make the face. I'm the most likely.

You both are a bastard. You have a dead father. You're the only one here allowed to say that. I know. He's using his privilege. Deep down out the community. Yeah, you and your bastard sister fucking Bogart my clothes.

We didn't Bogart shit. I've been wearing this shit for three days straight. I'm gonna Bogart your records. I'm gonna fucking fly kick your fucking head off and it's gonna roll down the Eiffel Tower. We land. It's me and Slimey. I took the same flight. We land. We're in Paris. I get chump checked off

rip because I walk up to someone in French. I'm like, excuse me, where's the bathroom? And they're like, what do you want to take a shower? That guy was mean to you. Because all bathrooms and toilets are split in this country. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And so you can't say sal de beignet, say toilette.

And then we keep walking around. And so I'm just looking. He's like, I could sleep with 96% of the country. Just 96%. 96%. When we first set up here, we were in like a different section of the country. Just 96%. When we first set up here, we were in a different section of the park, and

it was kind of fenced off. We were closer up there. This guy comes up to us, who's got to be like 6'5". He's just a huge guy, and he's obviously pissed that we've set up there. We're going to get kicked out. And you just immediately say, I can fucking sleep that guy he keeps saying i'll sleep that guy to people he couldn't even

like that guy he was picking out women and children as much as he yan was there he's picking out only women and children that's right he's like i would sleep and now he's picking people that like if they held his keys over his head he couldn't reach them yeah and he's like i would sleep them and i think he thinks that fresh people are weaker. I could reach the keys. I don't think you could. I sleep you. You did not sleep me.

You couldn't sleep me. You couldn't. Aiden, I'm sorry. You couldn't sleep me. Let me. I will outrun you. I will run away. Pause.

This went too far. I could sleep you. You couldn't sleep me. He could outrun you because you slept at Barry's. I just outpaced you. I did sleep at Barry's because my knee was hurting Barry's. Yeah. He was getting lit up by the instructor.

The instructor and your sister were fucking roasting me. But all I'm saying is I come to this country, and there's no formidable opponents. Except you. Literally, everybody at Barry's crushes you. Dude, Lud's cousin would crush you. No, I sleep your sister. No, Joe crushes. I sleep your sister. No, Joe crushes. I sleep your sister.

Your sister, Olivia Rodrigo. He said my cousin, and then you switched to my sister. Oh, you said cousin. Yeah. Your cousin sleeps me easy. What's funny about Ludwig's cousin, he's almost 40. He's a super French guy, extremely French, and he'll come up and he'll, like, fuck with Ludwig in ways none of us ever have been able to.

Yeah, he grabs him by the neck and he's like, ah. Yeah, and he's like, ah. He dogs you like a little brother. Yeah, it's so funny. And then he'll fucking fuck with Ludwig in ways none of us ever have been able to. Yeah, he grabs him by the neck and he's like, ah. Yeah, and he's like, ah. He dogs you like a little brother. It's so funny. And then he'll fucking slap you really hard. He's my older cousin. Yeah. He's 10 years my senior.

He gave you like a Looney Tunes-esque smooch on the cheek at the end of the game. It was so funny. He's very fun. Yeah, he's great. He's also the same cousin, I've done a short on this, who fed me a white M&M. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was him. Which was just an M&M. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was him. Which was just an M&M resting between his butt cheeks until the chocolate melted off.

I gotta tell him I didn't realize his game. Speaking of stories that your sister would spill, that was one of the first secrets she shared with us. It was Friendsgiving, and she told us that at 2019 Friendsgiving. Oh, back in the day? The white chocolate story, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a classic in the family.

That's cool. He's embarrassed by it a bit, I think. Does your mom know about it? Yeah. They came. It was him and his brother. And they both came. They're both older than me to America when I was like four.

And they basically spent a week terrorizing me. That's so beast. Picking up cigarettes my dad would leave the butts, smoking the ends of them off. Yeah. And then they punched a hole in a door Yes, they were crazy. I mean when they were younger. They were like They they grew a bunch of weed they fucking stole a bunch of shit. You're an ark I bet that you still haven't digested that M&M. I bet it's still inside you

Like I'm fresh. There's a mushroom fresh turns two times faster in my body I'm fresh. I bet there's a mushroom growing out of it. I'm fresh. It turns two times faster in my body. Okay, so why are we here? Why are we in Paris, you might be wondering? The answer is I got paid money to be here. Not that much.

I got, well. Be real. It was an okay month. Less than usual. It was an okay month. Are you felled off? You felled off. Yeah.

This is your sunset rate. Your day rate's embarrassingly low now. Those of you who are maybe looking to book Ludwig for any sort of thing, his day rate... I'll bring you more to clean my house. I do birthday parties 2K. Drake does 400 grand. If you're looking for a balloon

animal guy for a birthday party, it's kind of in that same range. Yeah. Well, I took a low, low rate apparently. Yeah. Just dog shit to do to do an event here i've actually said this on stream before i'm in my bag era okay i said i went i went live and i was like fellas we've been doing a lot of sponsors lately part of the reason also is because kelby's on board right now at off brand and he sells like a son of a bitch yeah he does

sell he works me i tell him every time like you work me like a hound. Kelby never leaves the corner. Kelby has a big folder full of just insane blackmail shit. Blood, bones, crud. On Raid Shadow Legends executives. Oh, that's probably it. Yeah, the person who owns that company has been caught multiple times getting cornholed by, like, four invisible children. It's a bit of a black book situation, except it's just all mobile game devs. Yeah.

And so these guys, you know, they got skeletons. Most people do, but they got way more because, you know, they're working with like some shady ass... And so that's what...

We're getting a piece of that money. We're taking it and we're dispersing it amongst people who, you know, deserve it more. Kelby Coney? I don't know. know, deserve it more. Kelby Coney. I don't know. It's a little close.

Kelby 2012. Steak.com. Ooh. I don't think we've gone down that rabbit hole yet. But yeah, that's, oh, hello. Hello, dog. Document your time. There's just been so many lovely bears.

All right, it was fun while I was radio listeners. So many dogs. Why don't we start a steak.com, but it's like meat that we send people. Meat.com. Yeah. Meat.com. It's called steak.com. but it's like meat that we send people. Meat.com. Yeah. It's called steak.com. We'll coin it after the podcast.

So if you're watching, just go to meatspin.com. Just gamble and put RU and see what they do. This is just what Trump came up with, by the way. Yeah, yeah. The Sharper Image Steaks. This is like his first big thing. I don't think it was his first big thing. Well, one of his things. It was like his most embarrassing endeavor. Yeah. Well, first failed thing. I don't think it was his first big thing. Well, one of his things.

It was like his most embarrassing endeavor. Yeah, well, first failed thing, I suppose. He threw the Sharper Image, which is an electronics consumer outlet. He sold steaks that he mailed to people. Like food. That's so cool. I want to make the Netflix for steaks. That's a Black Mirror episode. I send you the whole cow.

You eat as much as you want. When you're done, you send the cow back. I bet in the Black Mirror writing room, I could be like, we eat steak through the TV. And someone would be like, shit. And we call it TV dinner. Yo. Now you're thinking like a rapper.

That's the problem. Don Draper, he's like, it's Gamefly, but for meat. Imagine if we could watch our dinner together. Holy. You remind me of Gamefly. Remember that shit? Yeah. That was Netflix for games.

Netflix for games. That kind of bottomed out. So you went to the damn thing. I went to the damn thing. Oh, your shoulder's so big for me, Ludwig. Big shoulders for you. Okay, there you go. Monsieur.

Big slap. Monsieur. Bonsoir. Yeah. Bonsoir, sleepy bonsoir. I'm in my bag here. I'm trying to make money for Off Brand. I got some overhead to deal with.

Cock Brand. Now that's just inappropriate. Dude, he made fun of your whole company. Because he called it Cock Brand. You dump a ton of time into it. He called it Cock Brand. I love a good joke among friends, but that you guys just went too far. Does YouTube Gaming know that they worked with Cock Brand on that event?

It's Off Brand. YouTube Gaming know that they worked with cock brands on that event? It's off-brand. YouTube Gaming, right? YouTube Gay Men. That's so... Come on. Like, this is so immature, guys. Like... Now I'm feeling how it feels.

YouTube Gay Men is so funny. We should make that shirt. Oh, my God. Which is weird. What if the jersey said that? You didn't explicitly say no homosexuals in the meetings? Yeah, they do say that. I did not say that.

I did not say that. Obviously I didn't say that. Yeah, that's why I thought- Name one gay competitor. Actually, SonicFox is queer. Oh, ha! Bitch! Bitch!

And SonicFox ate a hot chip, which are now illegal. Why do you think he had to eat the chip, though? Makes you think. And this is mango coming out, by the way. Yeah, everyone who ate the hot chip at Ludwig's event is... Dude, how about you say just must be curveball? Wait, so what? Mango just comes out.

So, yeah, the hot chip got banned. I ate three of those in my life. I've made probably five people eat them total. Yeah. And I've accosted them with spice. Apparently, someone ate it in Massachusetts like a teen and died. Didn't they eat a bunch? I don't know what the story is.

I didn't read the story. How could you die? Well, there's a lot of ways. From a hot chip. Asphyxiation. Dude, have you guys ever read the Wikipedia definition of death? It is so hardcore. Let me rattle it off to you.

A bit of a sobering moment. It just makes so much sense that you have. Death, dude. Death is the irreversible Hold on. For people who don't like this, skip to the next chapter. Death is the irreversible cessation of all

biological function that sustain an organism. Fuck yeah. That is a biological, that's a nerdy way to describe it. That's what the woman at Foot Locker was hoping happened to her. This, in that moment. Excusez-moi. New balance. And she just went back

and ate it. She bit down on her cyanide capsule. Her French Foot Locker cyanide capsule that they give everyone. And then she whispered to herself not today And grabbed that size 10 and a half That's sad Because I think you're a fucking kid And you just want to eat hot chip

And then it one taps you The hot chip's banned women only have lying now And charging they phone And being shopping. They could still be shopping, though. They don't need the hot chip to do the shopping. That was crazy. Yeah, that sounded like we're in the belly of Jormunger.

Yes. These are the same thing. Yeah, and we heard a swallow, and a new member was joining us in the belly. You know a classic French dish? What's that? It's a pumpkin full of pennies.

That's a rural thing? Where in France? Rural thing. It's a rural France. Rural France thing. Like south, mostly southwest. Mostly south,

mostly south north France. Do you think the guys in the footage before and after this moment know about that? About what? The pumpkin,

the penny pumpkin feast? No, no, no. This happened, this will no. This happened. This will happen after. We learn about penny pumpkins. But I'll forget, and then I'll know, because this actually is a French backyard. People don't know this.

It's weird. They use American pennies for it, too. Yeah. So it's a delicacy, and that's what I like, and it reminds me of the fall season that gets busy, you know, and F factor is a company right that what I think factory factor is a company that makes fresh never frozen meals that are ready in just two minutes similar to the penny pumpkin to be clear to be clear factor does not create

penny pumpkins no Factor is not a French company I think it's important that if you want to experience the penny pumpkin you make it you get it authentically in France

first time you wouldn't want you wouldn't want it you'd want it to be authentic no but honestly you can get other great authentic meals

from Factor nutritious and chef repair yeah as you're saving up for your your trip to France to eat the delicacy that is a penny pumpkin. Eat the penny pumpkin. Can I be real?

We've been in France for this whole episode. And I've had all this French food. And the factory meals are just better. And I know that, despite having not even gone there in reality yet. It's crazy, right? It is weird. We know that going to France

and having Ludwig annoyingly order stuff in French is really just going to be a miserable time. He's just going to be stumbling. I can't stress this enough. Nick Yingling only eats factory meals and he's looking amazing. He's looking good. He was eating one actually earlier today. I walked by him. I say Nick Yingling Anders. I want to take a picture of him and frame it and make it the default photo in frames at the store. He's lost quite a bit of weight. That makes sense. 34 meal choices choices per week 45 weekly add-on options you got like apple cinnamon pancakes no we talk about this one a lot uh potato bacon and

egg breakfast skillet which is a an excellent one when you want to heat up and and throw like you know how when they rob 7-elevens with hot coffee? You're saying it'd be a good weapon. I wouldn't say I know that. So you know how that works. You can heat up a factor meal and throw it like a clown throws a pie at a 7-eleven clerk. That is kind of the convenience of it being ready in a package. And the versatility is that you could also eat it. You would decide to eat it. Most people would eat it you take a you take a factor you go into the 7-eleven to use their microwave and then you throw it like a pie and it just and it just you you cook it for way too long i think i think my but my recommendation

would you be you get you get your factor meals you heat them up and you just eat them at home my recommendation would be you go to factor meals.com slash theyard50 and use code theyard50 for 50% off your first box. And you don't throw it at anyone, despite how long you've heated it up. I think you should eat it. I mean, that's the thing about America. For America's number one ready meal kit in America, you can do what you want with your factor meals. We are in France, so you can't and you will eat them. In France, we have to eat them.

Just eat them in France. In America will eat them you'll just eat them in france in america you should also probably just eat them uh that's factor meals.com slash the yard 50 for uh the code yard 50 for 50 or you can live a little you can live a little it's don't commit any felonies go back to those guys in france see what they're up to so how'd you feel about the bag getting experience it was a clash slash chess like it was a fun shoot it was funny because I forgot I don't know how I forgot because why I came to do the stream and then see my family it's like why I took the opportunity but the same day I posted on Instagram I'm like hey no stream for a while and gay parade why did you say that then I was like oh wait I have streaming 10 you're doing a stream I forgot

that I was streaming it because I signed up to be the host of it but I also forgot that I was streaming I thought it was like a bait. Was it a good time? It was all right. It was all right. It was fine. Sponsory? It was, yeah.

It was very clearly a sponsor. And, like, I think it was a difficult format, but it, you know, worked out. Banged it out. Bing, bang, boom. I think it's pretty impressive that you can do that and maintain, like, 8,000 viewers still the whole time. Dude, that is, you don't know it,

but that hurts his feelings. No, I think it's fine. No, that's like, that for a, it's something that somebody else came up with, right? It's like if we got less than 100K on a video

and someone was like, it's cool that you guys can like, you know, shoot it. I wouldn't like that. If somebody else gave us a concept that they just made up themselves and then threw it on our channel and we got paid money for it,

I would be impressed if it broke 100,000 views. I care much more about the ability to have peak viewership than average viewership. Write that down. Write that down. That's a life tip. And if I try hard at an event and I care about it, it usually does well.

I think that you're a charming guy. You know what I was thinking about? I was like, all right. Because I tuned into that stream for a little bit. And I was like, let me see what this is about. And I was like, I don't like these camera angles. And then I shut my phone off. But I looked at it and I was like.

Where's the compliment coming? Dude, shut up. I'm talking. Fucking typical. It's okay. When we get back, you don't have to see him for two years. He'd sleep you. Now he's like, my man.

We can always text over one thing and it's sleeping your bitch ass. I would run so fast. I would run so fast. I would just gore you like an animal. I would disengage. If you run, you would probably put your treadmill down to six and then be like. I would blow my knee out to end your life. Would you blow me to end his life?

Yeah. Yeah, I would. I would let you break. It would look exactly like a bear chasing a gazelle. They go fast. Okay, so I'm watching this stream and I'm like, if I'm a career Ludwig guy, like I come

home from work, I like Ludwig, I throw on Ludwig, I'm into him. And if he's on a broadcast that I like, maybe I'll just watch it. Maybe if I hear Ludwig's voice, it's like the warming glow of the television, like a fireplace. And I was like, that is what it's like to enjoy an influencer.

You're a younger generation's Sean Hannity. He's never been more right. And I do cover the same topics. Yeah, you've never been more right. You're right. I'm the younger generation's. I like to call myself a Rush Limbaugh. Yeah, you've never been more right. You're right. I'm the younger generation. I like to call myself a Rush Limbaugh. Rush, well, you'd like to think that, wouldn't you?

Yeah, I realized, I was like, hey, let me stop focusing on doing the deliverables and let me just entertain chat. So after a while, Eric, who is the supercell clash person, because it was Clash Chess, right? Eric, who's a Clash guy. Danny from Chess.com is a Chess guy. And then I was supposed to be the person who clues it all together but after a while

Eric would be like yeah so it's a triple draft here and then he'd like take a pause and be like Eric do you think I could score a triple double? And I was just being slime. Yeah.

Thank you. I would take the last word he said and I would look at him and I would ask him a dumb question. Do you hear this man? This is how you become an influencer man. The Russian anthem

starts to play. It's very poetic. You hearless man. Very nice. Maybe I do know what I'm fucking doing, Do you think I can be big for you now?

And then I drop the craziest fantasy draft at midnight. Oh yeah? Just bust it out in elite squad. That's the work meeting you were in?

No, I had work meetings after. I'll tell you what happened after. It was actually crazy. You mean after the podcast? After the pod. I'll tell you what meetings I had. was actually crazy. You mean after the podcast? After the pod. I'll tell you what meetings I had. You'll tell us your dark web secrets?

In the ultra premium, which is just our friends. Our life as friends. I did actually such a baller. I was in a meeting, and during it, I was getting a crep because I hadn't eaten that day. You should drink more water if you're getting those. Yeah, or I was trying. I couldn't get there. Fuck, I'm so slow.

Fuck 7am. Uh, it's 10. It is 9.40 right now. I wish you were both dead. In the fucking street. During the meeting- You have to wish because you couldn't do it. You have to wish because you couldn't do it.

Ooh. Ooh! During the meeting anyway, I stop and I just order the crepe. I thought it was really funny. I just didn't mute, and in full French, I'm just like, excuse-moi, excuse-moi,

crepe avec biscoff and then the person on the phone just starts laughing. Yeah. They're like, what kind of, what are you saying? Yeah.

I'm kind of jibber-jabber. You're watching One Piece again? You actually get away with that. You just get away with it if it's in a different language. Fuck yam, by the way. Oh, I'm down. Oh, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Turn it on. Yes, yes, yes. Fuck Yan, by the way. Oh, I'm down. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. God damn, Yan, bro. Oh, you know what? Actually, me and, this is America, we went climbing, and Yan got recognized. Like, from like the extended LUD universe. No, did he get recognized from his amateur run in the CSGO Open? It could have been that. Yan, was that what you got recognized for?

In the We Made Open 5 stack? Because the guy came up, and he listened to the the yard and he was like, I've been watching since Mario Party League. And I was like, wow, it's a long time. And he's like, are you Yan? And he points at Yan. He singles him out. He's like, are you Yan? He's like, yes. That's so hype. Wait, is this the climbing gym? Yeah, this was at a... I was there. No, no, no, no. This was at

Cliffs. You weren't there. No, I said in America. Oh, my bad. I've only been recognized once here by one Frenchman. The person on the pod, actually. Yeah, the guy who was just here, yeah. It's actually kind of hype. That was hype. It seems planned.

It was funny because we were like, listen to the pod. He's like, no, but I listen to you. Yeah. It was funny because he made it. He was like, I watch you. And he like made a general point. I was going through another exploration, too, of my dark and twisted mind where it was like, so I thought about that thing right with chess things

like okay Ludwig people who are Ludwig heads will watch a Ludwig thing and I'm like okay people who like the yard they're just like Ludwig core right? Yeah.

If they're Ludwig core either still in it or they think they're above it. And they think they're above it. That is a sentiment where it's like yeah I don't fucking watch Ludwig anymore. I kind of grew out of Ludwig.

And I'm like, man, what a weird. But there's also the yard, the viewer base of the yard that's pretty big. That's like the, like they started watching because they like Blink-182. But now they like only listen to the other projects. Yeah, yeah. And they make it a point to come up and be like, yeah, I fucking hate Mark Hoppus. Like they fucked it up. Yo, Boxcar Racer, that band was cool. And we got and be like, yeah, I fucking hate Mark Hoppus, but like they fucked it up. But yo boxcar racer,

that man was cool. And we gotta be like, I like our, we like Mark. I like the idea of, I used to listen to blink one 82, but now I just watched the Kardashians. I've kind of moved on.

Yeah. I've just followed Travis Barker. I just wanted to keep up with Travis. I, I, I will never have that feeling because I just grew up, I'm just older,

and the shit I grew up with was just different media. Yeah, there wasn't sound yet. Different media, no fixed menus to be found. Yeah. In sight. Turn radio.

It was for one channel, though you had to just watch what was there. But when War of the Worlds dropped, we were wondering what the hell was going on. I actually thought of you because I was in an Uber on the way here.

Black and white convention for people from the 40s. There's this old French dude who drove me here, and he was listening to the radio, and he just started cracking up at the radio conversation. And it was like these French people, and they're like, and I'll say it in English, but he's like, sorry from Nebraska. Crazy things happening over there. And it's like another DJ being like, yeah, what happened? It's like, man was driving down the road

and sees someone driving the wrong way on the highway. What does he do? He calls the police and he says, come here, there's people driving the wrong way on the highway. The police come, it was a man driving on the wrong way. And that was the whole punchline is that he was driving the wrong way.

The guy was. It wasn't everyone else.line Is that he was driving the wrong way The guy was It wasn't everyone else And he was mistaken And the guy, I've never heard a louder laugh from a radio joke Oh my god I would have smashed a bottle over his fucking head I love that the boomers are the same They're just having a good time with their content

That's his content That's his lubbin It's his morning radio Every morning he has to drive And he puts on his lubbin. That's his lubbin! Ugh, god, that's disgusting. It's his morning radio, you know it's scary? You know what's scary? He has to drive and he puts on his lubbin and he laughs to the joke. He probably sets up his Uber to be in the same slot as his favorite people. It's beautiful. We all have our slop.

Yeah, but some slop, all slop is not created equal. My slop? But if you're able to enjoy the slop and it doesn't hurt anyone, what's wrong with that? Honestly, nothing. But if you start to get fucking annoying about your it doesn't hurt anyone, what's wrong with that? Honestly, nothing. But if you start to get fucking annoying about your slop, that's when it starts to get dangerous. I like being a little pretentious about my slop. That's when you go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. But that guy's less likely to be pretentious or annoying about a slop than someone who thinks their slop's so good.

My slop is so good, though. I hate people who think their slop is so good. My slop's the best. I think you're right. Yeah. I think you're 100% right. My slop is better than any average person's sob. Watch Jerma and listen to the French breakfast club.

Listen, there are people like me and like thousands of other fucking people, especially young people right now, where their identity is formed by the media they enjoy to this day. I mean, that's why me and Dawson, and two, he will always deny this, but that's why we connect a lot, is because we identify ourselves by the media we like, and it's very important to us. And that's just a problem of like not having like parental guidance or

something. So it's like, so I get it. And you're right. That's the, like the, the, the Chad,

like, like four dimensional brain take. But at the end of the day, our slop, my slop's better than your slop. I don't care. I know, but I'm glad that you can find than your slop. I don't care. I know. But I'm glad that you can find value in that.

Profite vous bien. I'm gonna fucking sleep. This guy's so hard, bro. Buddy, it would take you five years to catch up. I would do an uppercut and you would fall off the Eiffel Tower. Fuck yeah. Yes, also yeah.

Because he didn't like one piece of the live action. He was dogging it so hard. Because it's probably shit. You know what? You wouldn't know. You know what Yann should do? I haven't watched it. You know what Yann should do

if he has an opinion on something like anime or some't watched it. You know what Yan should do if he has an opinion on something like anime or some sort of show? I know what he should do. He should make a YouTube video. Don't do this to him. Don't do this to Yan. What?

Come on. Zeke messages me out of like the blue. It's like 2 a.m. And all I see is a YouTube channel and it says Kevin Yan. And I'm like, ohm. And all I see is a YouTube channel and it says Kevin Yan And I open it and it's a three-minute review of Samurai Champloo

Comments on the video he's like love this review The video goes private in minutes. I sent it to other people, I'm like, bro, check this out. He used to send it to me, I'm just like, dude, come on. How old were you, Yan? It was for a class. Oh, really? Yeah, it was for a college class. Yan says he was 26 when he made it. What college-ass class are you taking that you can review?

Media shit. Media classes. That's fire. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, and that's Yan. Yan has opinions, and he wants you to hear them. That's fire. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, and that's Yan. Yan has opinions, and he wants you to hear them. That's funny. You know what?

He's like, I don't. What's up, everybody? It's the K-Dawg. And I'm here back with another review. What's up? It's KY, no jelly. Now, let's get it. Oh, that's pretty fire.

K-Dawg here. So we watched Samurai Shampoo this past weekend. Dude, I think that's fire, Yan. If you want, hey, this is actually, you don't have to be a YouTuber, but I went through the same thing, Ian. Me and you, baby. When I was 16, that's what happened.

I liked it. So Ian is also a bit of a mysterious person. I liked getting a look into his world because I, you know, for a long time, he was just that guy that was really good at CSGO. And now he's become, you know, now he's become an appendage. He's a lover of

content? I would consider Yan one of my organs. Yan loves DJ football? You would consider him one of your organs? You consider giving him one of your organs? No, Yan is one of my organs in your body. What organ specifically? Gallbladder. Do you mean like a Horcrux? Like, Voldemort? If I was a guy, he composes some of my organ.

You are a guy, though. Yeah. Okay. Good guy, though. Yeah. Okay. Good job, Yen. Way to keep him alive. You are my... Okay, you are... Wait, we can do this.

You're my kidneys because you filter me. You're my... What's fucking... You're my appendix. Right. Take it or leave it. Because you might burst And then be useless

You might but I could burst And then eventually He'll get rid of you And not need you anymore Oh You are my Oh You're my

Pancreas Because you're so sweet to me Okay This is the other way You're so sugary and sweet to me Other way of saying I can't think of anything for you You're so sweet to me

No no he thought of the pancreas for you Cause you're so sweet for him. I was thinking of the lower intestine, but that's more your thing. That's where poop is made. Well, that's why I'm not in you. I guess you're my lower intestine. Because that's where your poop is made. And you guys all make up me.

And zipper is my spine. Yeah, because it's like a zipper. Because it's like the zipper of guys. Yeah. And that's why I appreciate you guys. I don't want to be around anymore. What? No, I'm actually just enjoying my day right now.

No, it's always something. That's what pisses me off. It's always... By the way, if you're watching this, if you check our Patreon episode, these two are going to get tattooed. Wait, I thought it was all four of us. Yeah, these two over to my left

plus you know, Yan and Aiden are all going to get a tattoo Are you not? I might swing by, we'll see. Alright, then don't. Play it by ear. I never signed up.

I thought you did explicitly sign up. No. What time are we going um I'll figure it out sometime this afternoon we're gonna get yard tattoos fuck it we ball that's how we live and we're best friends forever and Aiden's on the fence and anyone who doesn't get it will not be a best friend forever I think Aiden's being on the fence is okay it's your first one right it's your first one I don't know if I want it I don't know if I want it. I don't know if I want it right now. Why? I hate getting tattoos. I don't know where to put it. I think that if you don't hang out,

if you don't talk to me for two years, you better get a fucking tattoo. In 700 days I'll get one. Slime's gotten such an odd assortment of things while he's been here. You've gotten shoes. You're gonna get a tattoo. We stopped at Lush for bath bombs. Dude, oh my, Yan, I Dude, me and Yan are in a hotel room.

I think they might charge us. I messed up, guys. Did you fuck up the bath bomb? I- It looks like someone killed themselves in our bathtub. I got this one. It's shaped like an apple. I still smell like apples. He smells really good.

And, uh, it's like, it was good for, like, your muscles and your fucking body, right? Was Lovie nice to you at Lush? Oh, she was so nice at Lush. The woman at Lush was very nice. Yeah, she helped us a lot. Yes, you have such big muscles. I can get you this one for your muscles.

Yeah, she talked about how big my muscles were and how beautiful my wife was. Is this someone you could sleep? You sleep here, yes? Oh, wait. What? Where? And so it's shaped like an apple, and you have to hold it. It doesn't just melt in the bath. You've got to hold it under and kind of get in there, and it's just red.

It turns it into just red blood water, and I splashed around a little bit. Yeah. What were you doing in there? Why were you splashing around? Because I—the problem was I was. What were you doing in there? Why were you splashing around? Because I... The problem was I was like... Did you bring a toy? No, I was watching a Final Fantasy VII video.

I like to think that he just farted and it just created such a rupture that the bubbles just flew everywhere. He gets nervous hands watching Final Fantasy. I just got up. Like, you adjust your position and, like, the displacement changes it and it's a really, like, deep tub.

Yuffie came on screen and went but then it fucking goes and there's a wave and it just gets all over so a lot of the towels are just tinted red what a bad product speaking of facing the bathrooms so the first night we were here I got awoken at like maybe

3-4am by my bladder and I was like oh I need to pee pretty bad but I didn't want to wake Aiden up the first night tired boy, so I peed in our sink Yeah, don B. I do a sink pee here. I'm gonna because it's actually just Just do that. I'm gonna get political on you Aiden. Oh, I'm gonna get political on you Okay, I think that having a cell phone is a basic human right. Whoa. Wait, what do you think about water?

I think that that's probably like second place. Okay. To cell phones. Water. I think having a cell phone's a basic human right and I think it's egregious that cell phone companies cost they charge you so much. It's so dang much. And I have to like go to the store and there's like one person who works there in a 90,000 person line.

And then I pay extra because there's a storefront. Mint Mobile has it all online. It's probably high because it's just like there's been inflation. So that's why the price is high. That's part of it. I mean, imagine not having a phone and you're just like, you're like a damn cowboy. You might as well be like cooking grits on the range. You're like drowning in a grain silo and you don't have a cell phone what would you do yeah you yell you at least call your parents and say this is how it went down like i

predicted so if it's a human right it shouldn't cost you that much and mint mobile is only 15 dollars a month for premium wireless it's actually so cheap it's very cheap it's crazy like we do all these reads and we read numbers all the time. It's like the lowest number I've ever seen in my life. That's the one that actually makes our eyes pop out a little bit.

As soon as I get back from France where cell phones don't work, I'll probably look into this plan. And you might be thinking, $15, what, do they give you a walkie-talkie and a bullet in your head? No.

They give you unlimited talk effects and high-speed data. The Normandy experience. That's right. Nation's largest 5G network. It's a real phone with real ass powers. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan. You can keep your same number as well.

So you can text some old flames. Yeah, you can text some old flames or some cold flames. Or some band, the rap group that makes jerky music. Probably more likely to be cold flames. Mintmobile.com slash the yard and get, you know, cut your wireless bill. Just 15 bucks a month. Mintmobile.com slash the yard. And get, you know, cut your wireless bill.

Just 15 bucks a month. Mintmobile.com slash the yard, Eamon Gaiman. 15 bucks a month? Do you think that when we go back to the episode where we're in France, you'll be dressed in, like, wearing a beret? Absolutely. Archie Willits! Let me ask you a question.

Why did peeing in the sink, why was that a quieter option? Okay, so the way our room is laid out, like, I'm in, like, the main bed, and there's, like, a curtain that separates me and Aiden, and then he's on the bed across the room. So to go to the bathroom, I have to, like, go where he's sleeping and then go into the toilet and then just make a bunch of noise, like flushing and all that stuff. Oh, okay, okay.

But the bathroom with the sink and the tub is just part of my area. Right. So I just go over, and the sink is really low. So I actually don't have to arc the piss. I can just pee right into the sink. And that's what I did. I peed into the sink. And then Aiden brushed his teeth.

And he got it everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know about this. You brushed your teeth in the sink. I didn't know about this until right now. And the pee was kind of, like, pooling by the drain, so I used his brush. Bro, one time, I couldn't believe that I was surprised thinking back, but I was staying at my friend's house for a long while.

It was actually when I went to EDC, and I stayed at my friend's house in Denver. And I stay there, and when I was staying at his place, right before I left to drive home, which is like a four-hour drive, I dropped my toothbrush into the toilet. And like I said on the episode before, my mom always taught me, look, just fucking no gloves. Just get in there and clean it. And it's just toilet water. It's just the toilet.

And I'm like, yes, yes, chef, mom. And so I grabbed my toothbrush out of the toilet. I'm like, all right, fuck it. And I just like rinsed it off and put it in my thing and drove home. And then I take it out later to brush my teeth at night when I get home later that day and it smells like shit, like poop. And I was like, ugh!

No! And that's when I learned that toilet water is dirty. Did you brush your teeth? No, I did not. Because I smelled it. You know how I get about spoiled shit? I'd like to believe him. I get really nervous about spoiled I get about spoiled shit. I'd like to believe him. I get really nervous about spoiled shit and smelly shit. I'm going to believe you.

Really? Really? You get nervous about what comes out of your ass all the time? No. You fear the demon in your own body. One time I drank spoiled milk and it was traumatizing. And so now every time, if anything's slightly spoiled, I just run. You release spoiled milk from your beast right in front of us.

Everything about fear is about control. Oh. And when I control what I do to you, then I'm not scared of it anymore. It doesn't have to be to me. You can pick Aiden or something. I control you the most because you get the most mad about my farts in my butt. I do hate it so much. It's terrible.

I think sometimes it is bad. Yeah. Sometimes. But that's my that's me exercising my will unto you. You could kill a newborn baby. I could. I genuinely think if I if a baby was like in a monkey ball like from the game and I farted in it the baby would be dead instantly. That's honestly your

hope for sleeping most people. Maybe it'll turn into something cooler like a moonstone or something. It turns into a kabutops? Yeah. You know, also, on the subject of me being an attractive guy, everyone here is so

beautiful. Oh my god, everyone here is so hot. You walk so much. They just manufacture hot people here. Portion sizes are great. You natty walk so hot. You walk so much. They just manufacture hot people here. That's what, dude. Portion sizes are great. You natty walk so much. It's so lit. When we were walking, when we were walking too lush, because we were talking about that, and I was like, dude, in Copenhagen, it's even crazier.

Every 10 minutes, I see the most beautiful human being that I think, I think they're crafted in a lab I also think Europeans care more when they dress themselves in the morning yeah I will say you can see the one tourist and I won't point to them because that's rude in our vicinity and they look like they dress

like an American you know what's really funny the other night we were walking back with the whole squad from that dinner place, and there's this really fat guy. And he's walking, and I look over at him, and he's crossing the street. He's waiting across the street next to us. On under construction.

So he's waiting across the street, and I'm like, that guy is big for a French guy. This drunk French guy comes up to him and starts being like, oh, allez-vous, monsieur? And starts talking to him in French. The guy's like, uh, I don't speak French. He's American. And I was like, you wear it well. That's tough.

Just instantly clocked. It was crazy. And then the drunk guy was kind of mad. He was like, well, don't you speak of France? This guy's getting clowned on the street. Yeah, it is easy to pick out an American based off, I think, general attire. Like, we were doing the Supercell thing, and then Eric, the Clash guy, he's like, yeah,

everywhere I go, people just instantly start talking English to me. And he's, like, wearing a hat that has the Clash logo and a shirt, and he's just, like, beet red from the sun. And he's, like, a stock the sun and he's like a stocky guy. I'm like, yeah. He's got Caleb's forehead tattoo that says, I heart eating shit. That's right. Got kicked out of the French store for, you guessed it, being white.

So what do you think we learned? Everyone go around, say what you learned on this trip. It's all rice. It's all rice. It's all rice in a big one. It's in my bakery. What did we learn? Learn. Aiden, what did you learn?

Did you learn about yourself? Did you learn about others? I learned that I'm going to go absolutely nuts at a house show with Yan tonight. That's what I'm learning. I want you to really dig deep. What do you want me to dig deep? I want you to dig deep. I learned that even the allure of moving to another country

and starting my life abroad is not enough to overcome the stench and the filth of Paris. I learned that if you experience Paris Syndrome, that makes you a drone. And you're stupid. And there's no such thing. And that means that TV has taught you what the world is and not the world. You watch Ratatouille a lot. I came here with all the same media that says what Paris is like. And I came here and I'm like, yeah, it's just the same.

It's fine. Do you think you have an advantageous position because you've been around the world a couple times? I've never been to Paris. Yeah, but you've been around. You have traveled, man. Do you think you have an advantageous position because you've been around the world a couple times? I've never been to Paris. Yeah, but you've been around. You have traveled. You have traveled, man. Do you think Paris syndrome... Do you think if this was the first time you left the country, you'd be a little Paris syndrome?

Then it's on a honeymoon. No, I don't think so. I think it's just like, it's fine. It's not garbage filth like everyone talks about it. It's also not amazing and romantic. It's just fucking a place that has a big building that's pointy. I went to a school at a place with a pointier building. Yeah, you did.

Extremely pointy building. Shout out Cal Poly Pomona. Shout out Gattaca. Me and Dr. Disrespect are the same school. Shit. What did you learn, Ludwig? Besides a little more French. I learned that life's better here.

You think so? You don't believe that. Profiton nous. We take it slower. Drink a Vogue. Smoke a cigarette. Smoke a very extremely thin cigarette. I liked my thin cigarette.

It was great. Also, Ludwig's sister, she'll smoke a cigarette after smoking him on the treadmill. She's just beast mode. We're athletic. I don't know what to tell you. Like, literally. I'm impressed. We came from a line of warriors.

My dad was 6'6". Someone said you were lying about that, by the way. What? He said he was lying about it. Someone? He said it. Wow, that's true, man. So your sister was like, I refuse to eat food after 9pm because I don't want to get fat and it's unhealthy and yada yada.

And I'm like, you were smoking cigarettes yesterday. Do you think that eating food at 10pm is worse than a cigarette? It keeps you skinnier. Cigarettes are doctor's orders in France. You guys were all smoking long penis.

I was this close to smoking long penis. I would have been so left out if you did that. I smoked a cigarette in Rome when I had Zipper 2 take a picture of me. For a photo, yeah. Yeah. That was a good picture. I took that one. My two-year... What? That was a good picture. I took that one. Zipper 2 took it. Oh, I took the one

where you had the sunglasses. Yeah. So, yeah, she's pretty... She's nuts. She's really bought into the whole French ideology. She... I mean, she was born in France, to be fair. It's in her blood. It is in her blood.

That's so unfortunate. And it's not in yours? I'm the only person born from America here, man. Oh. In this family. That's pretty cool. Wow. I'm the American one.

Yeah, she's based, I mean, to be fair, she doesn't eat after nine because she used to binge like four pounds of chocolate at like 11 p.m. That's tight though. And then wake up full of regret and sadness. We all have our demons. And some of them are made by Nestle. They started playing music. They're really picking up in Paris.

There's like a concert going on. They're having fun, man. We live life here. Yeah! Okay, so what did you learn though? You already knew that you take it easy here. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't talk up to my fish head.

Yup, yup, we're back, baby. Sorry, so what happens is our Zoom keeps dying. The gay puri heat is destroying our equipment. Our wide also died. We're losing elements of our broadcast. This is what France does. It slowly takes apart this technology so we can enjoy life.

So we can talk to each other. So we can smoke a cigarette. What I'm saying is you went for 12, you've been here like 12 times. You didn't learn that about Paris. You knew that they lived like that.

This is my second time in Paris. What did you learn? This is my second time. I'm talking about This is your second time here? Yeah, I don't go to Paris. I go to the South. So this is what you learned.

What? That everyone takes it easy here. You take it easy. Enjoy life. You have a clamp on your shoulder. You have a little bisque off. That shit's delicious. You also just missed.

The vibes are fucking getting crazy here. We're getting more baby. They're playing house music. The DJ football's about to show up. Take a dump on the ground. It's crazy. I'm more Aiden-pilled here. Oh, yeah?

I just chatted with my Uber driver on the way back the whole time. Do you think it's because you're in a different place or because you want to use French? I think I want to use French, but I think I'm also more interested in what they have to say in French. Would you be more interested if you were in London? Maybe. I think there's probably routine to conversations in every country that I'm breaking because I don't know them here. But if I'm in an Uber in America, it's very like, oh, there is a cut scene that we both know what to do. That's true. I feel like when we go to Australia or I remember being in a city called Newcastle in England,

you just refresh this version of what the Uber driver conversation could be. Even though you both speak English, you're far enough away from each other that now this conversation can go a lot of new directions. I see. And you don't need to hear about how the Uber driver actually has a mixtape. This guy on the mic back there sounds like Ludwig when he's doing an over-the-top French accent.

Hey, everybody! Are we going to get together? How about that music. Music brings us together. All right. Bienvenue à la première concerte avant de le torréfaire. On est là.

Come to our house show. Kevin Yan will be there tonight. I know. I'm telling you, Samurai Champ. Special guest, Kevin Yan. All right. DJ football!

Dude, again, the end getting on the DJ on the turntables, that'd be so beast. You know what I learned? What? I learned that if I'm traveling with one other person, I'm having the time of my life. Any more people, it's so stressful for me.

Is that the secret? Is it we just can't, we need to, but couldn't you just hang out with only one of us while you're here? It's not about that. What is it about? I don't know. I don't get it. Do you think, because you've talked about this before when I brought up going to Syria.

You were like, I would go. I would go. And if we get to Syria, do you think you're actually, do you still book the flight home early? Or is it like, let's enjoy Syria together? Damascus together. That's the thing. If it's me and you, I could stay in Syria for however long. Okay.

Until, you know, until things got bad. stay in Syria for however long. Okay. Until, you know, until things got bad. But if it's like being with a group including Ludwig and Syria, it'd be so stressful. Right. So it's really just the group element. Nothing else about Syria

would be particularly stressful. Sounds like you singled someone out there too. So if it's me and you and Syria just together you're gonna leave. No, me and you would be amazing. That's what I was saying you and me It wasn't also Yan He's saying if it was one guy it would be fine If it's me you Yan do you leave

I think it's actually three is the limit Anything over three I start freaking out What about a group setting like a large group of people Stresses you out Oh what about it I don't know There's no actual logistical threat.

It's just too many things. It's too many. Yeah, it's too many. Do you think you lose your freedom? Yeah, I do think he defaults to being a Pokemon in a large group, and I think he would be party leader more if it was a small group. I'm okay with being in the pocket. I mean, obviously you put me and Yan in your pocket.

I'll stay in the pocket for a bit. Anything you put me and Yan in your pocket. Having a party leader is nice. Anything over three is stressful for me, and I just want to recede like a hairline into the hotel. Dude, the echo is crazy. It's bouncing off. Is that an echo? Yeah. That's crazy.

There could be speakers over there, but I think it's an echo. Because it's only when it's loud. Dude, sound is so slow. Yeah. It's crazy. That's what sound does. There could be speakers over there, but I think it's an echo. Because it's only when it's loud. Dude, sound is so slow. Yeah. It's taking so long to get to us. I actually watched a 30-minute video about how slow the speed of light is. Oh. And it showed how much fucking slower the speed of sound is.

Yeah. I could sleep the speed of sound. What about the speed of love? Yo. That's what they don't talk about. That's actually, they do talk about that in Interstellar. It's another reason why it's a bad movie. It's faster than all.

And when we kiss, the message will be sent around the world. He wants it from you. He doesn't want it, Aiden. You're being weird, and we all know you're high. I was kidding. I was kidding. It's actually the heat. I was trying to beat the heat with smooches.

So that's what I learned. But I did learn, you know, I had probably more fun on this trip than most of our travel. Besides Australia. You've just been playing Pikmin. What's the difference? No, I haven't. I played Pikmin. The pie chart of me doing things that isn't being in the room is less.

It's high. But it's less than normal. You could not have gotten, I mean, no, like in your favor. Like you could not have gotten through all Squid Game here. Did you do anything that wasn't eating food? Yeah, we did the workout, and then we went to a record shop. And we went to Lush. And we went to

Lush. He's going crazy, bro. So, you know, I'm trying. Guys, I'm trying. I try. To be a friend. No, I appreciate the effort this time, actually. It's been nice. You know, but if one of you was shot in the head, I'd be a happier person. Because then we're down to three. Because then we would have less people.

Who in particular would you... Who in particular? Yeah. I think... I think I need you. Okay. These guys? Coin flip.

Really? Yeah. I feel like one of us could help and be valuable. If we're in France, we need Ludwig. All right, we got five minutes left for you here in Paris. Guys, our gear just keeps dying, and we're trying to do this for you. And it's just so hot. Hey, positive attitude.

We have gopher de sucre. What is that? It's waffles with sugar. Gophers with sugar. What did you guys learn? Nothing. You don't know any French. What if we steal a French dog and we train them American tricks?

Ooh. Because they don't have those French dogs. Like how to hold a rifle? Yeah. Yeah, we teach them gun safety and we teach them- We teach them gun safety and gun danger. How to hit your child. They actually don't have drug dogs here.

Is hitting your kids French? No, no, no, no. Don't believe me? No, we don't eat our kids. We give them a cigarette if they are being upset. Here's a second of this. Mama, mama. Please make a team.

You know what's crazy in Copenhagen? You know, there is no age law for when you can drink alcohol. What? Yeah. It's just when you can buy alcohol. It's when you can buy it. But if you're like 12 or 11, you can just drink it if your dad bought it for you. I think it's similar in France.

Maybe there's an age, but I remember drinking when I was 14. Yeah, Mo was telling us, yeah, you could be like 14 at the park, and if your dad is down to give you the beer, you can just go do that. That's right. Let the parents decide. Dude, I love the idea of an entire nation of drunk kids. That's what Denmark is. And then they form a government.

If your parents want to make you drink or make you work in the mines, you know. But they don't have mines in Copenhagen. It's their God-given right. But in France, they make them work in the poop factory. Or the catacombs. They should earn for the kids. Do you guys want to go to the catacombs? I really want bones. I want to bring a ghost back. You're not allowed to

do that. I can't export the ghost? I thought you weren't allowed to bring ghosts back. Oh, because of Zipper. Zipper 2 said no spirits. No spirits, ghost curses. I can't export the ghost? I thought you weren't allowed to bring ghosts back. Oh, because of zipper. Zipper 2 said no spirits. No spirits, ghost curses. I'll tell the ghosts that they can't come in my home. I don't think I would fuck with the catacombs. Why? Why not? I think it'd give me the heebie-jeebies.

I actually got scared about this. If we go to the catacombs, Ludwig would try to big-dick us and then go in for a little bit, and then he just gets lost. No, no, I wouldn't fuck with that. And he's fucking dead. I don't fuck with that. I don't fuck with ghosts. I believe in them. It's just a bunch of...

It's not about ghosts. It's about dying in a maze, in the dark, in the pitch black. No, I'm saying... And it's irreversible, and there's no... There's nothing to support biological function anymore.

I'm saying I think ghosts are real, and that's why I don't want to mess with them in the catacombs. So if there was a catacombs that had no actual bones, and it was just fake bones... Hey, catacombs, what do you mean? Chuckle Sandwich? You know what I'm saying?

All dead. I don't know. I'm calling it a dead podcast, I guess. Is this like a reference to Charlie who died? Oh, wow. The whole podcast? I checked their numbers. They're doing great lately. I wasn't being for real. That's great. I do sometimes think what if Chuckle Sandwich

podcasted from the catacombs in France? We should have done that. We kind of just spoiled. It would have been a much worse thumbnail. It would have just been black. No, if it's slime holding a bone. It'd be like death. Flash photo, slime holding a bone.

That's a great thumbnail. And then we have to make a Twitter post that said we lost Aiden. And the title of the video is, this is a real human bone. I slept Aiden in the catacombs. We'd technically be doing the same thing that Logan Paul got in trouble for, just a lot later. This is different. Are you kidding me? No.

There's not. No. The catacombs are a mysterious, evil place that you can get lost and die in. All of France was a suicide forest. The catacombs are the only holy place here. Think about that. Right, but it's still a dead person. You should see our bathroom. It's their bones.

Yeah, bro. They're old bones. It is funny that if bones get at a certain age, we're like, it's okay. Skeletons are goofy. Old bones. We can dig up Ramsey's the second time. China doesn't think that. You know how skulls

and bones are not allowed in Chinese video games and Chinese media? Really? Yeah. I think that's probably correct. I don't think we should have like a... Are you scared of skeletons? No. Yeah, maybe. But I don't think we should have a statute of limitations on when we should respect skeletons.

Yeah, and he also wants the artwork for Karthus to be different in his version of the game. Thank you. Or Wraith King. In Minecraft, I wouldn't wants the artwork for Karthus to be different than his version of the game or Wraith King. In Minecraft, I wouldn't have the skull with fire. It would be a bald man. You know when he did a kill in Valorant and he showed the skull? He toggled it off. I toggle off.

I want no skull. I think skull and bones, whack. I think you're just afraid of pirates and death. Treasure. You don't want to confront your humanity. I think I value it so much. That's what it is. So Ludwig was like, he's brought the pelican because it was at his sister's place.

He's like, I bring the pelican. I require coffee and snacks and like tribute. I did require tribute. I was like. It's a troll toll. It was like Dark Souls. I said, you bring me coffee, water, and a snacky bears, and I bring you a Pelican camera case. Yeah.

And I was like, I brought something, and I was like, this is for the Covenant. He brought you a half-eaten bag of almonds. No, I was full, and I started eating it because I'm like, we have time to go get something. Wait, there was almonds? No, I ate them. What the fuck? On the way. Oh, I loved almonds.

I abandoned my Covenant. I had another question. Friendship ended with Ludwig. Aiden and me at that coffee shop is my new best friend. Can I say something controversial? Yes, you may. I don't understand croissants. In what way?

Why are you eating a plain croissant? Can I say some real shit? We had, Aiden brought us some croissants for this from a bakery nearby. Shit's the same as America. That's actually so fucking stupid of you. Vons cooks it up just the same. It is one to one in this bitch. This is actually the dumbest shit you've ever said in your life.

Vons whips it up just like home. Nine dogs. Just like mama used to make. I'll give you nine dogs. You give me nine dogs? Give me this. I do need them. You gotta prove me wrong.

You gotta take me to a better bakery, because that one was fucking Starbucks level. Yeah, because we're at the Chum de Mars. It's all tourist traps. They should all be better here. Why? There shouldn't be a croissant in France that's bad. These are some tourist traps, bro.

Boom. What's up? Wow. I sleep the shit out of you. What makes the trap, like, is it tourist? I'm a tourist. These are my traps. They're doing yoga right here.

You guys are dumb as brick. You want to go to a bakery after this? You don't think I'm dumb as brick? I'll take you to Nas Bakery. Nice. Very nice. His accent is so funny. We got to wrap.

Okay, next trip. Next trip, we go to Eastern Europe. The front lines. Rostov-on-Don. Well, hold up. We've been to my mother... Yes! In Ukraine.

Dude, why don't we go to Kyiv? We've been to my motherland. Why don't we go to Kyiv? We've been to your motherland. I guess we've been to both your motherlands. Wait, when have we been to my motherland? Canada. We went to UK.

Oh, yeah. I guess that is your... Ethnically? That's your motherland. No, I really would be going to Canada. Should we go to Canada motherland? Canada. We went to UK. Oh, yeah. I guess that is your... Ethnically? That's your motherland. No, I really would be going to Canada. Should we go to Canada? He's the last one. We go to Calgary and we fucking eat moose.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, we could do that. Eat moose and beat each other off. Calgary, and we can go... We can go... I want your hot mom to cook me up some moose feet. He wants your hot mom to cook him up moose feet.

My mom lives in the U.S. Do you think she's beautiful? Huh? Do you think she's beautiful? My mom? Do you think that she's beautiful? Yeah, my mom's lovely. Do you think she's breathtaking?

No, beautiful. Is she beautiful? Yeah. She is. He's right. When he's right, he's right. Something we can all agree on. Hey, everyone.

I don't think I agree on it in the way that you guys think. Thanks for watching the podcast. I feel like I'm cornered. We are going to go get tattoos, maybe. We'll see what happens. All four of us are going to get tattooed together. It's going to be a good time. Good sleep.

Some of us are getting tattooed. And vote on the Patreon where we'll go next. But you can only vote Kiv. And select Rostov-on-Don near the Dnipro River. And if you want the premium episode, go to the Patreon. We have a premium episode, and it's the same amount of time almost, and it's a premium episode. It's slightly less, and it's a premium episode.

And like Daniel Craig says, this camera, this camera, Ludwig, this camera, this camera, what are we doing? Bonsoir. Bonsoir. Bonsoir.