The Yard - Ep. 114 - Ludwig Made QT Cry

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

This week, the boys talk about meeting aidens parents, whether fire or clothes came first, and how Nick is out of touch...

Dan's running on 50cc, that's kinda crazy. Per France, slime would never do it on baby mode. I had to do it on baby mode, my knees are fucked up. He did it on baby mode. Now they're made of iron. Baby Park even. My knees are fucked up. But now they're... He did it on baby mode. Now they're made of iron. Baby park, even. My knees are made of metals. We should get into calisthenics.

Then you get metal knees. I don't... I'm not a religion guy. Just like Fox. Yeah, you get metal legs. Is baby park because you turn right? And in NASCAR, you turn left? Why would it be baby park? Because that's where adult park is, is NASCAR.

It's baby park because it's a park for adults to look at babies who are trapped in a zoo-like fashion. There's a center. Is that what you think is happening at Baby? That was in Mario? It was an entertainment district full of babies that were trapped like creatures. Yeah. And when they got too old, into the Chuck grinder. This is all in the Double Dash story mode.

And then you ate baby burgers. Babies in Baby Park are like greyhounds in real life. Once they stop getting fast on the cart, you go, pull! Skeet shooting babies in Russia. Yummy baby, you up. While a bear dances in the background and somebody punches your ass.

A bear doing a Fortnite dance. And raising a whole family of men. Hey, what's up? Welcome back to the art episode 114. Hey, it's not. But if you are watching this with audio only, then you might not know that. You missed out on nothing. Ludwig looks crazy right now.

We also don't know who did it. We don't know who did it. You know what I'm saying? Because they're on audio. They don't have the evidence that we're showing ludwig looks like the incel version of the joker like it's gecko it's gecko from valor he has a different hair color so it's brown face monster on the loose he has a different hair color pinchy way that's the pinchy way i don't think you should say that you can't say that that. What? My mother's from Spain.

She's Hispanic. Maybe that. Right. Dude, all my friends are from Spain. I could say that. I could say it. All my friends are from Spain. She's a Spanish teacher. You're Spanish if you think about it.

I can say chinga. Hablamos un poco. Pero ya. Okay. Everyone hates your TH, by the way. Okay, deadass. You look like him. I'm not kidding.

She goddamn doesn't. It's the wrong fucking color. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. It's like the mint't. It's the grown fucking color. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. It's like the mint hoodie. It's alright, little guy. You'd be my little guy. If I was actually Gecko. Don't get won over by that. This is my tweet about Gecko full circle. This is when Gecko came

out. I made a tweet about how the little buddy sounds like Anthony when he chased me around the house. To be clear, I'd throw you. You'd become a puddle. I wish you were in Valorant so I could shoot you in the face. Oh, yeah. To be clear, I'd throw you. You'd become a puddle. I wish you were in Valorant so I could shoot you in the face. You wouldn't.

You wouldn't. You think I'd stop? I'd be like, I can't. You'd probably push your cypher chip and then die. Oh, come on.

That's his only thing he says. Why make it personal? It's the only thing he says. That's all he's got. It's just because you did it so many rounds. You did it so many times.

I stopped doing it forever ago, but you're still bringing up my old shit. Let's bring up that new shit. I'll bring up your old shit. Whoa! Hey, yo. Kirby with the- My friend thinks you're cute. He is cute. You got the Shrek Crocs, you got the Joker haircut. Aiden brings home friends who look like Ludwig right now. Yeah. And he doesn't notice. Yeah, and he's like, this is normal. He's like, look at my normal friend with the Looney Tunes shirt and the green hair

and the Shrek shoes. I look good. Yeah, I mean. Ludwig, you're just handsome. Thanks. I don't know what you're saying. You look good. Like, oh, like the odds are against you. Thanks. Don't touch me. You think I look handsome? You are. You're a handsome little guy. What the heck? At all times.

That's so crazy. Isn't that fucking gross No And then Aiden's bringing you home He said this is my friend Aiden's actually I think he's a bit shy About how good I look And he's nervous what it'll do if he brings me around

Around to who Ludwig It's a good question slime around Corwin and Sarah His mom and dad His mom and pop Yeah, we we hung out. We kicked it with Aiden's dad today a little bit We just fucking lunch a blunt and we were like he's like yeah, we don't hang out like we I wouldn't like hang out with you Guys, I've been in Beverly Hills. I've been here for a couple days That's what that's what he says first. I ever met Corwin

Your dad see see who you called Dog. Sea Dog. Yeah. You can't have two Sea Dogs. He's Sea Dog CA. Yep. Sea Dog CA. That's cool. I'll allow it because I want to dump

on you right now. Canadian Sea Dog. And then Sea Dog VA he owns Virginia. Virginia. Yeah. Corner Dog Virginia. Sea Dog Virginia.

Yeah. So anyway, first time I ever met Corwin and he was like, yeah, I've been here three days. And I was like, why do we never hang?

And the answer is you. You're the reason we never hang. You gatekept your parents from us. Can I tell you something? I don't have a father, so this means a lot to me when I get to hang out with him. Oh, wait. I would like to also raise my hand. Oh, what did you have to say?

I also have a dead dad. Two dead fathers, and one father's here, and we're not allowed to hang out with him because what? You're not here to protect us? He's dead to me, so we kind of are all in the same situation all don't have fathers you got taught you can't be on their team about this you actually did you don't have an Italian dad you don't know what it's like I don't know what it's like I need so much more time with your dad I have a British dad I have a British Canadian dad well heritagely you don't look like you have a Spanish mother he's

a British citizen but he doesn't talk like. But he doesn't talk like one. No. He doesn't talk like Archie Bears. No, definitely not. Imagine he has Archie's number, but like, way to do something that's not the yard.

You know what Corwin taught me about Aiden today? Aiden's dad. I learned everything there is to know about Aiden. I knew this would happen. I knew this would happen. I'll be fucking talking to my dad.

He's doing it now. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I just got a text from Corwin and Sarah. Oh Text from Sarah get text from my mom Well, why the hell the little extra game from Corwin and Sarah good to meet you Finally look forward to us all hanging out and Sarah's included so that I don't know to me It's from her all gonna hang out. Why does it say emergency contact? Why would you type it that way they probably talked about it in private how they want to hang out. Wait, why does it say emergency contact? Why would he type it that way? Because they probably talked about it in private, how they want to hang out with me ensemble.

They don't want to hang out with you. Oh, should I ask him? He said he did. Should I call him and ask him if he wants to hang out? Because I think he'd say yes. I am looking forward to hanging out with you too. Very much so. This is like when my parents went to visit Las Vegas and I told them that you were there the same weekend and my mom was like do you think he'd hang out with us?

I'm like no, he's probably busy. That's and that's gross for you to do. You're fucked up Specifically gross and disgusting talks he prides himself, and I like when all my friend groups come together, and they meet each other hang out He's not there to soak in all the credit? You want us to hang out with Jesus from the coffee shop that looks like fucking like Ludwig? Don't catch a stray.

Come on. I thought we were on the same team, bro. Monster on the loose, you know? You want us to hang out with fucking X person from the coffee shop that looks like Ludwig,

but you don't want to have us hang out with your mom a lot. I don't want you guys to hang out with fucking X person from the coffee shop that looks like Ludwig, but you don't want to have us hang out with your mom a lot. I don't want you guys to hang out with my mom. Are you scared that they'll love us more than they love you? I'm going to smoke crack at your mom, bud. You know what? This is already a reality because my Dr. Noodle Slam, who we've talked about on this podcast, becoming a doctor, right? Every time I go home, my mom asks mom asks how's sam doing how's med school

going like it's like it's my journey like she regrets that i didn't become a doctor well okay that i don't think your mom would be like so what like when are you gonna shave all your hair like when you become bald like i don't fill that role sam is a doctor and that's cool we she probably wants to live vicariously through Sam as if it was her son they just they gabbed about medicine for hours and I'm just sitting there I'm like an asshole I don't know fucking anything about this Mario Kart we as an online love to talking about actually pay a million dollars to be a citizen in Ireland. Did you know that?

Kill yourself. So wait, what did you learn? I didn't. He's overanalyzing me in the car. I knew this would happen. How about we just let him say what he wants to say, and then you can maybe rebut. But we also could just let him say it and then move on. Yeah, I couldn't rebut because it comes from his family, so it's probably true.

We're at lunch and Aiden's dad brings up how when Aiden went to school in Leeds, he was in school. This is the UK. Yes, and he got a call, the principal called home and said, you have to come get your son. The headmaster?

And the headmaster said, good day. Good day, he's going to come get your son. He's been? And the headmaster said, Good day. Good day. He's going to come beat your son. Be the headmaster. He's been a bit of a problem. Archie, you're okay with this, Archie?

You're fine with it. You're from Leeds, Archie. Don't talk to her. And Archie, from Leeds, they talk like to Alex Turner. It's like, your son was being

pretty bad in the casino. It looked like you were about to break out in a song. It sounds like Christopher Walken Like having a nut Your son was just a little boy

And he was traveling in the starship And then And then The reason that Aiden got in trouble I think this was you were in kindergarten The reason he got in trouble was He stood up in class and got mad Because they do their K's wrong

And that he was right And he was mad at the teacher for how they write their K's And I looked at Aiden and I said you feel like you've been misunderstood since you were five It's all making sense And it all comes together Their childhood trauma has manifested They wrote it different Can you actually explain how they wrote it because I might be on your side Think about how you write a K right

It's a line and then two lines Straight down then crocodile mouth In fucking kindergarten or whatever In Leeds I was five They wrote the K with like a circle in it It wasn't cursive But they had a circle in the K Oh like a U

The top half of the right side of the K is a circle. And it's connected. And I was like, that's not how you write it. Because I'd already learned how to write mad at this. No, they would write it like the one on the right with the loop, but not cursive. The back line was so straight. That looks like a fucking bunny. Yeah, sometimes things are bunnies.

And they even stood up for America. I screamed at my teacher, I remember it. Really? Yeah, I basically, I told my, I stood up, told the teacher it was wrong, and then she told me to fucking pipe down. Excuse me, headmaster! He's going all wrong! Aiden is pretty sweet.

He was in Leeson Kindergarten, you probably adapted it quickly, you know? No, boys. He's like, I'm gonna be you, headmaster. Oy oy, I'm so pissed! And me case is getting all fucked up! My mom says she wishes- Cause they didn't have, like, camera phones back then, right? So it was harder to take

like, home videos and shit. But, cause I went to school there for like, I don't know, like eight months or whatever. I got a little cute Leeds accent. But then they said when I talked to my friends at school, I would have it.

But then when I went home and I talked to my parents, it would go away. Code switching, Corey? Yeah. Well, he wanted to fit in. You're a cute little kid. And I screamed at the teacher

about the K and I got sent home. He wanted to fit in up until they drew the K weird. And then he was like, I've been doing this accent just to fucking hang with you guys. This is where I draw the line. This actually, I mean, me and Aiden are the same in a lot of these ways. Because I've had moments when I was a child, when I was a baby kid, I talked about the T-ball thing. Bald baby.

You know, I was bald as shit as a baby. But the T-ball thing, it was my turn, and I got cut. And he's like, you'll get a turn later. And I was like, fuck no. And I kicked him. I kicked the coach. Yeah. Is he the coach?

Yeah, I told you guys about this. Oh, I forgot about this. I was like, he's like, long ass line for T-balls. Too many kids, man. And I'm waiting for fucking like 30 minutes. And someone just goes ahead of me. And I'm like, no, it's my turn. And the guy's like, just let him go, and you can go right after.

And I said, no. And I kicked him in the knee and he buckled. Oh, bitch. Bitch. Bro, imagine his wife is watching. She's mine now. Shorty. Excuse me.

See, this is why I don't want you to hang out with my mom. And so that's why me and Aiden, like, I think we have this strong sense of, like, fairness and rules and justice. Dude. Like in our brains. I would say. That got fucked up along the way. Right.

Okay. Yeah. You are. My dad told me at lunch. He's like, I think your, uh, your, your temperament is lower now. Basically, basically wanted to say that you're like, I'm better in my like older age about acknowledging that i'm wrong and he was like oh i would love to agree with him but you didn't get to see him when he was young oh i just i would love to have been there for this conversation today but i didn't

get the invite or anything yeah me neither i wasn't actually one with the invite yeah that's good for you yeah you're in the right place right time Right I'm the favorite I don't know what to say Right I can't help you We probably wouldn't even know How to interact with him Him being a father and all I speak his language

Right We don't know what If we meet A lot of people's dads What's your favorite part Of a Boeing 747 What's like your favorite part Boeing 747

Yeah what's your favorite part He doesn't find that I like the wings Oh but it's one of his favorite planes I like the nose You don't know that About your dad It's weird

You like the nose I bet he likes the one The spirit flights are Those are agile He like the nose. You don't know that about your dad? It's weird. He doesn't know what I'm saying. You like the nose. I bet he likes the one the Spirit flights are. Those are agile. He's an Airbus guy. Do you know that Ian's dad has the high score in Jack Jack's Escape on any Boeing 747 plane? No fucking way. No, of course not.

That'd be crazy. Shut up. Shut up. I'm not having it. You guys aren't spending any fucking time with my dad. Well, the great thing is I've had your dad's number For a long time That's not between

That's not for you To decide anymore I'm gonna call his Fucking bald ass up We're gonna go eat steaks And smoke crack Yeah I also figured

That was strip club You know what was funny Is he He was downstairs And we're waiting To start the podcast And you had already Headed upstairs

And everybody's hanging out he has to call an uber to leave because he's going to fly tonight and he didn't want to leave until he said goodbye to anthony hey very cute yeah man and then and then i told anthony to come down they hug it out like they're long lost friends yeah we hug it out bro like wait wait you're you're rolling your eyes like you're jealous or something. Like, I'm sorry. We got a thing. Fucking, you're just... Me and your dad have a thing. You're to my dad what Sam is to my mom, I think. Oh, really?

I love her. This is what it's becoming. I love Doctor. You come home for Christmas. Your dad's like, how's slime? Your mom's like, how's Sam? And you're like, ah, we're dead. Dead? He actually died. They both horrifically died. Christmas, your dad's like, how's slime? Your mom's like, how's Sam? And you're like, ah, we're dead.

He actually died. They both horrifically died. They're using his bones as money now, I think. In the same accident, actually. They were in a hot air balloon. And I guess the fucking doctor didn't figure out how to save him, so what are you going to do? And Anthony couldn't riz his way out of that situation. Well, look,

you know, we'll get that. We'll figure it out. You're going to you're going to fight us along the way. Whenever we fucking data mine Ludwig's sister

and his mom for shit about Ludwig, he doesn't freak out. He just goes free. I'm normal shit. You message my sister and say a peep. Not going to message

your dad daily. I'm going to send him wordles. I'm not going to do the world. I'm just going to send him emojis that are green. I'm just going to send him him a wordles. I'm not even gonna do the wordles. I'm just gonna send him emojis that are green. I'm just gonna send him the long wordles.

I'm gonna make it seem like I'm doing it every time. I'm gonna wait for his and do a little worse than every time. He's excited. He's like, ooh, hey, you know, you'll get there. You'll get there, yeah. Hey, you wanna do the New York Times crossword puzzle with me? He's tossing the football with me over the phone, basically. Speaking of love, Doctor, I went to Tove's wedding.

Oh, yeah, you did. You gave a speech, didn't you? I did give a speech. We'll get to that in a minute. You know what's funny? You told me this in the car when we were driving back the other day, and I thought you said toast. Like disguised?

Yeah. Oh. I was like, what? And I was like, that's cool. So you told me all about this with that in my head The mental image But it was Toph Toph was getting married Was it in NorCal?

I met Toph's event and the whole crowd erupts Aw easy it's just fish in a barrel And then you cue the sound guy And he plays Toph's wedding is in NorCal I fly up which was good although I found out I was on the same flight as Atrioc we go to get a belt because I

borrowed Stanz's suit because I didn't have a suit and I find out while I'm like on the way to the wedding that I've ripped Stanz's pants straight through the ass. Why were you wearing Stan's pants?

Because I didn't have a suit that was good. Cause my suit was like too close to the color. I think of like what they were going for, for like, yeah, I was going to say, what about your good? It was like a peacock.

It was a little peacocky. It was a little peacocky. So your big juicer ass rips stans's pants clean and like juice from the mountain yeah and i was only i only found out a jc penny when some kind lady behind me goes i think you have a hole in your pants oh wow and i had it all day yeah was any part of your asshole there was it got bigger and there was like you could just slip a finger straight through yeah like and your commando so it looked like a glory hole what is that it looked like a hole to achieve glory it's not a glory hole if it's could you achieve glory with

it any hole is a glory hole if you fucking make it work that's right i don't know what you learned in school but in america we learn a little different. Achieving glory through the hole is like a... It's an American task. I love that phrase. That's what we, that's what them boys in Normandy did. I'm picturing a penis coming out of the hole out of your ass. The other way. It's like the Sarlacc pit in Star Wars. It's like the Sarlacc pit in Star Wars. That'd be cool.

What if someone had, when they got a boner, it just went the other way? Like out your butt? It's like how you think you're going to poop or fart and you poop. Yeah. Because you think you're going to fart and you just shoot a penis out of your ass. No one would ever have a small penis. Because they'd never be able to procreate. What? They couldn't get all the way through them. No, there would just be people of your ass. I've ever a small penis cuz they never be able to procreate What if couldn't get all the way through them? No, there's people who couldn't Penises would be bred out of humans in that case. Does that get passed down?

Like does it your dad is guaranteed have a small meat? I mean, I don't think it's like one to one but I think it's like small meat I mean I don't think it's like one to one but I think it's like you know I'm jealous about Aiden and you is that you guys dads are still alive and then you can be able to like get your dad can I see your meat I know I because when you were this right often a common-sided concept was like dad dicks are huge you're like yeah you think I like I remember seeing my dad's I've never seen my dad's day and you're like fuck dude that looks like a fucking croissant It was an open casket

That's a stand-up joke You know I can't I'm probably I bet you my dad's meat you know what his black teeth his fucking prosciutto if you will my father's meat when he was alive

god rest his soul was probably just like normal size and I would love to see my dad in a wrecked cup just like some

Mario ass meat I've thought about this I've thought about this it's like am I in my in my 26 year old life do I have dad meat now? We'll find out for you.

Yeah. Like, if we have kids. Well, if I have a kid, I'll let him show you. You can show your meat to him. If you have a kid. And I'll go, son, what do you think of that meat? Do you think that's big? Does that dad meat to you?

Well, he'd have to also look at yours. Yeah. But it'd have to be like. Me and Aiden are docking. Ye- no. And we say, son, where does one begin and the other end? No, because the kid doesn't have a concept of like- That kid would just think that's normal.

Maybe your kid? I don't think you should have a kid is what I'm thinking. I homeschool my kids. Yeah, so that's another problem we gotta talk about. Imagine the first penis you ever saw was a docked penis. Like a connected penis. I don't think you see- you see two and you go, AHHHHH!

Oh my gosh, we're cutting it off! No! I think the second penis I Like a connected penis. I don't think you see you see two and you're like Oh my gosh I'm cutting it off. I think the second penis I saw was London Park. I unironically I unironically thought sex worked like this before I knew

vaginas existed. I thought that the man and the woman docked their penises together. I mean it can work that way. There's no reason you should know about a vagina

until you're taught about it You only got what you're working with Well I was raised by a single mom Right so you were taught about it early Well yeah basically You just assume everyone's got what you got Yeah but yeah it was weird I don't know what I learned about

Them fangs I think I learned about vaginas in like In like fourth grade Yeah I learned way earlier than that bro I think I learned About vaginas In like In like fourth grade Yeah I learned Way earlier than that bro I think I heard Like an Eminem song Once and I was like

Oh Like men have penises Women have vaginas And I'm white And it's on the bottom It's not like in the front Or anything else And I hate my wife

It's on like the bottom Of the body I'm gonna kill my wife I'm gonna kill my wife Kim Bleed bitch Bleed That's just 8 Mile

That's just That's just 8 Mile. That's how 8 Mile goes. I was talking to Mike. I went on a run with Michael Reeves. Eminem fell off? If that new song you dropped. Yeah, it's not that. Oh, yeah, you did your run.

Your Saturday run. I went on my Saturday run. I fucking, my shit feels like Dorito Keef. Wait. I stole that joke from Michael, by the way. He's really funny. Michael is very funny I'm coming late to this I missed the first part you ran with Michael Reeves

we get at the Griffith Observatory you go all the way up it was Michael Reeves some other people but I'm talking to him and we started talking about 8 mile and then I was like what is the thing you have seen the most that you could like quote like word for word and he's like probably Avatar The Last Airbender and I was like, what is the thing you have seen the most that you could quote word for word?

And he's like, probably Avatar The Last Airbender. And I was like, oh shit, we started talking about that. I've never seen it. I was like, the reason I asked that is because my friend is the same way with 8 Mile. And that's you. That's Nick. Yeah, I am a fucking bum. He's like, when

Nick hears a loud sound outside, he's like, Cheddar Bob. sound outside He's like Cheddar Bob We gotta get him to the hospital He shot himself With his own damn gun You've never seen 8 Mile huh? I've seen 8 Mile like at least thrice I've never seen the movie

But I've seen the ending rap battles Like 3 or 4 times We should recreate line for line shot shot for shot, 8 Mile. That'd be fun. Yeah. Inclamation. And this time we can make Eminem a black rapper. Tim Burton's 8 Mile.

For inclusion. And then it's like... Christopher Nolan's 8 Mile. And it's IMAX. Yeah. And when Eminem's rapping, you see the galaxy. And instead of Cheddar Bob,

it's Michael Caine. Alright, scrap it. Why do we bop Master Biden? It's 8 Mile, we dub over the whole thing. Aiden does all the foley. Dude, that's a really good idea. The foley? Yeah.

So he's like them walking? Yeah, he's them- literally everything. He's every noise that is not humans talking. Okay. But what about the voices? So he's all the black cuz I what about the voices? He's all the black characters Three park It is yesterday I had to dub over in anime for just a minute with Nick Yingling and it's hard for you. Well

Clearly crush it. Yeah for those who aren't different. We crush it, but it sounds hard then Just say you're the goat or you fucking shut up. You think about it. My, for those who aren't different. To be clear, we crush it, but it was hard. Oh, it sounds hard then. Just say you're the GOAT or just fucking shut up. Yeah, I was a GOAT. He was saying goodbye to my dad and he's like, yeah, I'm pretty sure I could fly a 747. And he just added that on the way out. Your dad did? No, he did. Why?

And he was like, he's like, I mean, yeah, get up there. Give it a shot. And I was like, my GOAT. Yeah, you did a whole Mess of shit With Nick Yingling Yeah we got crazy It was a fun stream yeah It was long

It was fun though We shouldn't eat the whole time Cause we were waiting for food I did a hundred YouTuber ideas Your idea sucks by the way My idea? It's terrible My economics explain

You actually added that? Yes That's a terrible thing I know it's really boring What are you gonna do? Fucking Fucking do months of research And then

No And then Worse I did no research You're a dumb piece of shit Cause this was for a stream Not a video It's really boring. What are you gonna? Do fucking fucking do months of research and then oh and then oh worse I didn't know research dumb piece of shit cuz this was for a stream not a video and yeah to clarify that till He said oh I have this idea, but then we were off the bit you're a fucking idiot also Did you pay for parking in LA no hmm didn't come up? Marble I had you as a marble. I didn't even ask you. It was gold ball, but it didn't hit. Wait, how many marbles did you get to? Like 50.

Darble 55. Took a while. There was a couple. I did rhythmic dancing. I had like an Olympic level rhythmic dancer reply to me on Instagram. Is that like a softer way to say ethnic? Wait, was that? No.

No. It's rhythm like movement. Isn't all dancing rhythmic? Isn't it an oxymoron rhythmic gymnastics not dancing excuse me rhythmic gymnastics is this a woman what yeah yeah yeah what's her name uh elena she you know hara something like that i think was she did she do one of those carrot interviews? I think I know She does YouTube shorts and she's like got like a million two million subs on YouTube Shit you've ever said said in your life. That's not that dumb. It was just like rhythmic dancing. Oh, so a dancer. So a dancing. You don't think.

Nine dogs is dumber. Nine dogs is a great idea. Don't hit him where it hurts. It's not dogs. It doesn't hurt me. No, you don't get it. It's just they'll take care of each other. So you did rhythmic dancing. That sounds cool. Gymnastics. And it was cool. How do you do gymnastics

in your house? Huh? It's like with the twirly rod oh so I just used the end of a toilet paper and it was like hanging off the spool that's cool and I shook that around I did that at Ryan's wedding it's hard it is hard yeah that's why I was good at it Ryan's wedding was just uh five minutes of a ceremony and then six hours of DJs. Oh, that's beast. That's what I meant to bring up. So at Toph's wedding, they had the ceremony, 10 minutes. Guess who's officiating? Who?

If not, the Crimson Blur. No fucking way. Did he show up? He showed up. He was on time. Yeah, that's a good question. He's officiating, and the Crimson Blur is like, he's like the person that you see in Facebook videos when it's like, we had my friend officiate our wedding.

And it's like, he's wearing a sailor hat. He's being goofy. He's in such great shape now. He does look amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Did he bring up how he would beat Toph in Melee? So he goes through his speech.

Instantly, he's running into a bit of a wall because he has a mic with his right hand and his left hand is like this like moleskin notebook that's just flapping in the wind and he has to turn it with one hand wow and he's not crushing that okay and there's been the flips were an issue but he's like generally flowing through very well and it's very well written but at one point he stops and he's like now i'm not anyone, but my sisters have called me the love guru, which is why I feel like I'm the right person to send you off. I, I love the Crimson. That's exactly what you should expect from making Crimson Blur that person at your wedding. And you might think Crimson Blur, melee guy, friends of Toph, melee guy, this is Toph's idea.

It was actually his now wife, Karen's idea. No way's I know way yes so funny I thought was so funny that's really that's the equivalent of toast toast wife wanting blurred to officiate is like us wanting to hang out with Aiden's dad it's like Aiden the main character hates this idea most likely but it's whatever sweetheart wants whatever babe wants whatever babe wants. Is babe dad in this game? No babe's us you idiot. We're babe. We're babe. I'm out of the analogy. You're in the analogy you're babe too. I'm in the analogy and I'm babe. You're babe. I'm babe. Missing something last minute? I just ran out of that sugar for those cookies or bacon. With DoorDash grocery delivery you can get what you want right when you need it.

Right when you need it? Whatever you want? Okay, stop. I actually like DoorDash. It's the one I choose to use out of all food delivery. And they recently added the ability to also deliver groceries. And I know this because I had to deliver deodorant because Cutie stole mine. And so I used DoorDash.

You had to make yourself smell better. I took a gamble because i just typed in deodorant on doordash which i thought was for food you aimed it at me i aimed it at doordash i aimed at my request at doordash and so they got not just all of the food around you but they also got a bunch of grocery stores items and such was i ironically did not know you could order doordash i took it i found out i discovered this he's done this with other stuff he needed something at the office. And I'm also a DashPass member.

I can tell you it saves you a lot of money. Let me tell you how much I've saved on DashPass. Esports players will do this. They'll post their spread pics. Yeah, of their DoorDash. Of their DoorDash to see how hardcore they are. I definitely, I like gap some of these players with DoorDash. DashPass tells you I've saved two thousand forty dollars in fees are you

kidding me which i thought was big time i saw an esports player with 13 bands oh my god that is of savings of savings that is spending that is savings that is unreal it is it means they've spent an absurd amount if you want to start your journey of saving big bandos like an esports professional get 50 off your first door dash order up to a 20 value when you use code the yard at checkout that's kind of cool because it doesn't matter it's clean no numbers og gamer tag it's use the yard if you remember it when you order you get the you get it limited time offer terms apply we have to say that it's 50 off up to the first 20 no minimum subtotal,

and zero delivery fees on your first order. Download the app. All right? Google Play, App Store. And a buffet for dinner. That's the code, the yard, for 50% off your first order of DoorDash. That's crazy, by the way.

I'm a DoorDash fan. We need to get on that for the moist moguls. I could DoorDash you a fan. I need to leave. Do they have that at the store? I need to leave this room. I can't sit in the slot. You keep talking about there's some sort of problem with the moist moguls. I could door dash you a fan. I need to leave. Do they have that at the store? I need to leave this room. I can't. You keep talking about there's some sort of problem with the air over you.

You could door dash an air purifier. Wow. So think about that. You should do that. But you didn't think about it. I wish I could door dash you a muzzle. Oh no, I'm going back to the episode. Ah. Was it fun? It was fun. It was great. Was Sheridan there? No.

But there were a bunch of smashers. No. They hate each other. You heard it here first, melee drama heads. Sheridan, the head TO of Genesis, and Toph are fucking beefing. Yeah, I'm down. It's just like thousands of dollars lost. False narrative.

Let's go. Start pushing that one. I had to do a speech, though. Toph hit me up like four days before the wedding he was like hey can you do speech right after like the ceremony before like after dinner or whatever uh and i was like sure and i thought there was gonna be like a long list of people it turns out that two of the people in his groom's party didn't want to do speech it was like sam ladandis and Vish. All extreme pussies.

Like, just do the fucking speech. It's his fucking wedding. I thought you were saying... I don't want to do a speech in general. I thought you were saying you thought they were pussies beforehand. Oh, they're just like, what a lineup of pussies. I think it's okay to not want to do a speech. Wait, Ladandus and Vish didn't want to do a speech?

No, sorry. Ladandus and... Well, I don't want to say the other person, because I'm just going to attack them. I'm just telling a story here. I don't want to say it. The other person was Jesus Christ. We need to even this out. Ladandus, Grace, Sheep LaDandis and I don't want to say the other person because I'm just going to attack them I'm just telling a story here. I don't want to say it We need to even this out LaDandis, Grinch, Sheeper It was Arteezy

It was Artur. Artur's a pussy for that Because he would give a good speech He'd be like, fucking love That was powerful So I was one of five people giving a speech but I am not knowledgeable and

like close enough with karen to feel like i should be up there so i started to get really nervous about doing the speech nervous because i'm in front of like their friends and families and loved ones and i'm just ludwig and i know a few smashers there wow uh It is not my crowd. So I just got up. I think it's filmed somewhere. I kind of choked it a little bit, but I just told a story of unfiltered Tove, which is kind of a funny story. Oh my god. No, that's a good story.

I like that story. It's very, for the uninformed, you're cringing, but it was like my first intro to being a creator was running a parody account for Toph that gained like 10,000 followers on Twitter. How'd you frame the story? I said like,

I'm a, Hey, a lot of you don't know me. I'm a YouTuber. I make videos for high schools and college kids, but Toph got me my start. What do you think they are? Middle schoolers?

You think I've been doing it for five years. Okay. What do you think this is middle schoolers? You think I think you make five dogs in there, okay? What do you think this is for this is legend obviously legend geniuses? This came from yeah, they might have seen a Ludwig video. No, I don't think so Yeah, they're probably watching like they probably read in the dictionary or they're reading the dictionary and get you guys You know okay, this is a quick pause you guys guys are doing the cringiest thing that everybody does in the fucking influencer off, which is like, your viewers are young and dumb.

Yeah. And my viewers are super old and get pussy. It's like, kill yourself. You're all making slops. Stop trying to up yourself. Yeah, I hate when people do that and like, don't mean it.

Because like, my viewers like, my viewers are old and get pussy and like, most people don't, right? Well, that's what Ludwig's saying. It's like, it's cool now if you're like an old Ludwig head to like watch the yard and not ludwig like it's some sort of like stupid but we're just giving you shit as as boys but it is cringe and you're right uh but yeah so you're giving a speech you're on filter toe it's really i'm riveting with them

well it's because i well i gave him a lot of credit i actually totally ignored you in my life story and i said toph is the only reason i'm a content creator today because I gave him a lot of credit. I actually totally ignored you in my life story. And I said, Toph is the only reason I'm a content creator today. Because he gave me a job because I ran on Filtered Toph to edit the reads. A good wedding story is filled with lies. It was a bit filled with lies. But it's also a bit true. Because I was an editor on the reads, I did the Scar salty sweet. That's also how you learned how to do merch and failed at it.

And did it correctly. I learned a lot. I didn't get paid well because Gutex ran it. And he was not the best boss. That's also how you learned how to do merch and failed at it and did it correctly. I learned a lot. Like, yeah. I didn't get paid well because Gutex ran it and he was not the best boss. And later, Gutex, Pogface guy. Yeah, you know, he wasn't a good boss. No, because he's good at spreading the truth. Some dope life lessons. Yeah.

For sure. I was going to say, did he think that they got involved? Yeah, dude. The whole time before, there's like an open bar. It's me and Ben SW and I'm like, I i'm gonna tell him that vivic has points on my speech because they need to know about ronda swami um that went good it went i was in i was in and out i was in and out how long was the speech maybe a minute 30 would it feel like though it felt like a minute 45 oh yeah you were scared i feel it i felt like a minute 45. Oh yeah. You were scared.

When you told me that I was like, it is my dream to give a speech at a wedding and have people just breaking down crying. Like that is like my, I'm opening the floor. If anyone out there wants me to give a speech at your wedding, I will do it.

I don't think you would have an intimate enough knowledge about. It doesn't matter. You just research. You ask them. Sure. How'd you guys meet an intimate enough knowledge about you just research you ask them sure How'd you guys meet fucking it's easy shit. You're gonna get so many DMS. I want real shit I've been invited to many weddings from viewers. It's crazy we didn't get an invite. To those weddings? No, Topes. That's not crazy. No, I don't think it's crazy. Aiden's fucking been with Topes for a long time, bro. No, I don't that crazy agents fucking been with toe for a long time, bro Not not like in the same like way he was listen if Ludwig didn't if Ludwig had like piss-poor YouTube numbers they right no invite. I don't think so because we worked

Absolutely 100% invited I'm just debating if he's the best man or not. Obviously. Obviously you. I'm asking him. He said no. Are you going to invite me to your wedding? Huh?

I'll invite Corwin and give him a plus one. You can pick. And Sarah already had Sam as his plus one. She already competed. She got Sam as his plus one. She does have Sam. She'd pick one of her sons. She probably wouldn't.

Well, I'm giving Eamon an invite. Of course. Gotta do that. Toast's a great commentator. I won't go to your way. Toast, you know what? He's a great commentator. You haven't listened to Melee commentary in 10 years. I literally watch it on stream.

Muted. Muted. No, I don't. Muted. Why not? Because then it'd be weirdly silent. I wouldn't hear the game even. Oh.

Yeah. You have a photo of him in your room with bullet holes in it. What's that? That's target practice. Why do you have a... Why do you have dartboards? Dartboards are closing, guys. Why do you have a deck of cards, but they're all toe-faced?

I did fuck myself, I found out, because we started... Me, I started the Reeds LLC like I remember that I remember getting mail for that however many years ago when we all started working together to like make this all official I opened up a bank account I basically did I was like their nick yingling and their shake jerseys I just did everything for them uh but I opened it in my name to make it easier and we have not paid taxes like six years No, it's fine. The revenue on it is so low. Yeah, they don't go fuck you could one-shot that it's probably fine But there's we have 30k actually in an account that we file out

It's like LLC taxes as an individual anyway, like on your personal with yeah, but no one's done that Yeah, he didn't I remember that was the year that we didn't no one's done that uh yeah he didn't i remember that was the year that we didn't count that we didn't do because we didn't do it yeah it's just don't i was i don't really get paid by it i don't fuck with its vibe because when i swung in from the rafters to start doing a lot of taxes when i he hired me that was part of it is his 2018 taxes which was already late because it was 2020 now. I was going to say. That's beast.

That's like two years before. And so there was a lot of work. Oh, my God. Taxes are fucking dumb, man. It's not the taxes. It's the accounting. Does the Google still work? The doodle?

The Google. What is it? Tax criminal? What is it? Oh, tax fugitive. Tax fugitive. Zipper, can you Google tax fugitive? Can you Google tax fugitive to see if it still works? tax you just get a little tax you just see the soul works?

Cuz it used to be a picture of Ludwig when you would do that. I would help so oh gee. I would hope not probably There is No, it used to just be first result. It's faded away. Is this a game? It's a game on the Nintendo switch called tax fugitiveitive. I'm so glad that... You're not lucky. Yeah, that's huge. I bet a Mogul viewer made this game to save your ass. I hope so. That's the rainbolt of indie games.

God bless you. God of rainbolt. Tell me about it, OG. Nothing. What happened? What do you do? He didn't even look to look at nothing. What'd you do to him?

What'd you do? He challenged me to get 10 countries in a row on country streak without moving. And he said it'd be super easy. And I did it on stream for like an hour yesterday. And eventually he came in and he said, it's okay to stop. And that really hurt. He's like, I just can't come sometimes. So it's fine.

He's like, it's all right, honey. It's like, I'm having a good time. It's fine to not know what trees grow in Brazil. I'm not going to bring that up again. Is this GeoGuessr or is it different? It's Geo just watch a movie. I'm having a good time. It's fine to not know what trees grow in Brazil. I'm not going to bring that up again. Is this GeoGuessr or is it different? It's GeoGuessr. It's just country, streets, and mode. We have to guess.

You're in a different country. You have to guess where you are. Right. If you ever see a gibbon, Thailand. There's almost never that. Wow. What a shit game. Okay, well, you're never in Thailand, I guess.

I don't know. You're in Thailand. Okay. What? No, you're right. If you ever see A cow In a grenade launcher That's Cambodia

In a guy It's Cambodia Or my backyard That's how I Fucking chef it up bro I mean you went fishing That was fun Fishing sucking and fucking

We did the first thing Really? Could've done it Could've Could've You know what If you guys didn't know that The bees are back the first thing. Really? Could have been others. Could have. Could have. You know what? If you guys didn't know that,

the bees are back. The bees are back. It's always like, ah, the bees. We're not supposed to talk about it. We're not? We're not supposed to talk about it.

The bees are so back. But the bees are so back. I don't, they were everywhere. I think the bees are still struggling. Were these wasps? No, they were bees,

like dead ass. Bees left for like a while. They dipped. were bees. Like, dead ass. Bees left. Right. For like a while. They dipped. They went like, yo, we're gonna go smoke. Y'all need anything?

We're gonna go to the gas station. And then we were like, nah, you're good. Nah, you good. We got papers. Also, we fucking hate you guys. And they were like, word, whoa.

So they were gone. So they dipped. But there's a lot of bees now. There were so many fucking damn bees. Is this actually- It's like the Paris Hilton, like, stop being poor shirt. Is this us, like, saying global warming's not real, it was a cool day. It's getting cool again.

No, it's not. This is exactly the same thing, yeah. We just saw a lot of bees. You basically just saw a lot here today. You can't say it's too cool, the bees are back and plug for Vivek in the same episode. I'll just stick with Rana Swamy. We should make shirts like kill bees because they're back. Yeah.

These have had it too good again. They're back. It's chill to kill them. I be killing bees and it's like, I know the bag. It says it's okay. They're back. Keep calm.

I'll kill the bees. This is an exact bit in Clerks 2 that I actually can't repeat I was like I like that tag IBKB. Can you look up are the bees back? Meanwhile, honeybee colonies are now up more than 80% since the 1960s. Let's go. There are more bees are back The bees are back. You stupid bitches. But what percentage were they up? Shut up! They were down Nick. I don't know what to tell you. But what percentage were they up, like, in- Shut up! They were down, Nick. I don't know what to tell you, they were gone.

You're being an asshole. They were gone. You wanna know numbers? You wanna know data? What was the exact percentage? They were gone, Nick. I don't think these are wild though, right? They're like farmed bees. Not a bee, not a bee, not a bee, not a bee.

I'm telling you, the bees that we were fucking with, they were not farmed bees. They were wild. I don't think bees are real. Be real with you. That's not- If I could be real, there's no real bees. That's what I'm saying.

Real guys. Just throw up. That's right. So you keep taking calls. We had to cut because he has to take so many calls. Because he's so important to the guy. He is literally always et cetera. You know what I mean?

He's et cetera and so forth and so forth. And it's like, shut up and therefore. I'm a go forher Ludwig guy. Now I hate gopher. Go for, go for gecko. I drove home with Ludwig. I haven't had a lot of one on top one time with it.

Isn't it awesome? After fishing, I got, I peered into the, what? I haven't had a lot of one-on-one time. Don't ever make that expression. I got my,

I got my hit of Ludwig on our car drive the other day. So nice. It's only when he's in transit. You know one of my favorite Ludwig memories? When he was driving us to Maine. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up. Aiden's talking.

Okay, we're driving to Maine. We were in the car. We were driving to Maine together to go skiing with your friends. Just three hours. Three hours chatting it up in the car. You have to corner Ludwig in transit to be able to connect with him false you can also be in a european country and then agree when i have to hang out that is another way to do it you know what makes me mad is that the joker originally does get

pussy what but then like he became an incel like icon. And now we have you. Wait. Oh, stop. First off. Him and Harley Quinn. He was. He was. Yeah. You think I look like a Joker? Yeah.

You look like incel Joker, which is already Joker. So are you like charmed by that? No, I thought it looks good. Does that I mean, is that like a good look? Is it Heath Ledger? Do you think you look good? Do you think you looked good? Do you think you looked good? Yo, you wanna hear a joke?

You wanna hear a joke? My father was a streamer. My father was a streamer. Close to drinker. You're always on your phone and I got to peer into his fucking life for two seconds and I was like fuck That guy actually does a lot

You stretch your butthole too thin Because you're afraid You're afraid to be alone with your thoughts That's not true You're like Josh man Do you think about the void a lot? Yeah what I do sometimes is I rip the pen And then I'll go on a walk

No airpods And that sends you straight to the void. Yeah? Yeah. You do that sometimes? Yeah. I like that.

Because Josh, I always make fun of him because he can't be alone with his own thoughts. So he'll just like, he'll like start dancing in place. Like he can't. Many people listening to that

suffer from this. Many people are happy the episode is out today because they can listen to it while they eat. I'm just saying there should be some balance. Like you should.

For those people, can we just as like an exposure therapy just give them four seconds of silence so they don't think about their brain for a second? No one say anything? And that's what it feels like. That's what it feels like to be in your brain. What do you think about? Yeah, what did you first...

Comment below what you first thought about. Did you see the void within four seconds? And maybe if it's sad, don't tell us because we don't care. Don bum the comment section out by all means do not be a bummer but if it's like unless there's like a funniness to the sad you know speaking of a bummer in the comments the other day i think this is actually nice that the shout out but someone's like friend died and they said that they uh they got like like their thing was listening to the show together. Well, if you're going to say that, find their name. Let me do it.

So we can shout out the friend. Post-mortem content. Yeah, yeah. I do want to read this. This is from the last episode comments. My best friend, Corey, one of your biggest fans who showed me your guys' podcast, and it turned into a regular thing to watch together, unexpectedly passed away in his sleep on Monday.

I'm finding great comfort and feeling closer to him watching you guys. Thank you always for providing A-plus content. This is C-minus content. Shout out to Corey. Shout out to Corey. Everyone has to do a letter, and we're going to spell it. So I'm doing C. It's a K.

It's K-O-R-E-Y. He gets to start. It's right to left. And he loves Ks. It's a K! Wait, am I backwards? I just said that! I'm backwards.

Hold on, I gotta do it with a circle? Wait, no, I'm K. No, that doesn't make sense. Oh, he's K. You're right. R, and then you have to be E-Y. Shit. E-Y?

I'm sorry. Yeah. Fuck. So C-O-I-N-M-R? I killed E-Y. I killed E-Y. Fucking, this is good. This is a good R. Shout out this is good shout out to Corey rest in paradise

I'm sorry you lost your friend I read that and I was like I have comments back I was like fuck I'm so sorry to hear that that's actually sweet that you replied to that I reply to normal comments too I don't see those it feels like it's disproportionate

I'm logged into the YouTube channel on my phone so I don't see those. I don't. It feels like it's disproportionate. It was funny. I'm logged into the YouTube channel on my phone, so I don't get notifications for comments, but I do get notifications if like popular YouTube channels comment. So every time Slime replies to someone, I just get his reply. You like that shit? I don't get the context. So I'll randomly get a notification on my phone and it's like, SlimeWire, I think you should die. And I'm just fucking clobbering people.

And I'm like, whoa, I wonder what that is. Sometimes I go check. Dude, I don't. I'm active on my subreddit. I found out that two people are, Stans and Slime. Of course I am. And he replies to people. Stans is active on your subreddit?

It is not a subreddit that is very active. I do not look at it on stream. I haven't in like a year. Yeah. But people still post. Slime still replies. I do. And there's one reply that Slime does.

And he's like, just nonstop in this guy. And the guy's basically like, I think Offbrand's a bigger company than Mogul Mo that slime does and he's like just non-stop in this guy and the guy's basically like i think off-brand's a bigger company than mogul moves and so i was like no it's not and then he's like i think it i think i think a lot of you mentioned that's wrong you're wrong yeah and then i'm reading this and i'm like oh no he's right yeah i messaged slime because i didn't want to blow you up yeah you should have i i think that i'm i'm part of the the the idea where it's like if i'm wrong and og comes in to blow me up like i deserve that but i was wrong you were so wrong it's like wildly wrong i thought it was different no it's not so wrong it is so wrong isn't it like

within five people no it's like ten i didn't know it can't i don't know i mean it's about like eight now i just had an ancient i had i had an older version of this in my head right it was right that's all but i like and it was like a weird because people took the credits of the greatest gamer thing and they were like looking at everyone's names and they made a post about it and it's like this is already weird like just let people who are normal and have jobs be normal with their jobs instead of being like look all these human beings in ludwig's company there's their first and last name is like shut the fuck up so i was already a little salty about it it's like it doesn't necessitate a reddit post i think

it's it's borderline invasive it's the credits of the event yeah but why post it on the subreddit and be like hey look at look at this look at these people it's like to give credit i think it's good right right? I disagree. If the top post of Marvel is like the credits for Endgame, the people who worked on Endgame would be kind of pumped. Do you want me to read the context of it? Because I think the context of it makes it weird. Okay, that's fair.

What's the context of it? I just remember reading that. I think I'm pretty lax on that shit, but there's something weird about it made me kind of pissy. And then I thought I was right so I just come swinging in. You do like swinging in. Dick out. Like you took the gumma gumma, no? Swinging both arms.

Swinging his dad dick. Swinging my fucking father penis. Pulling myself back with the lulus. Don't let me loose. Dude, my dick. Oh my god. We were talking about this the other day. I wear these Nike running shorts, and they have liners, and you can just not wear underwear

because that's what it is. It's built-in underwear. Yeah, those. And my shit looks like a fucking roll, like a quarter roll of pennies. Like not a croissant? No, not like a big, fat, stinky French croissant. We were talking about that. I told him that me and ludwig have the

same pair of target boxers yeah which has a different property where you wake up and your penis is always outside of the hole yeah it gets hot and we were talking about that because you told me that happened to you and i was like are they target boxers you're like yep and i'm like why them because i have the same one yeah maybe that's like the idea i think this is evolutionary by the way because if you run naked Your penis goes up in you So you can run cause otherwise it'd be a problem Yeah otherwise it'd be bruising your navel

Yeah It goes up in you Yeah your balls go up in you I thought that was temperature related It's temperature related but it's also related to like My understanding is that So you've got like dome nut and then you've got hang nut Right when your balls turned like a dome no like yourself your sack. It's not just temperature really imagine

We're in sub-saharan Africa in the year to also imagine I am I live it every day and we're and we're chasing down some meat to kill No longer the year two. We're like in way, way BC now. And it's gazelle season. Oh, a lot of ketchup. And we're chasing it. And we're naked because we didn't invent clothes yet.

We look good. We have a leaf. Do we look good? Is it leaf? Is it like leaf with string? No, we didn't invent clothes yet. This is BC. This is before Christ.

They didn't have. They did have. This is like ancient Rome. No, they didn't have fruit. They didn't have it until she ate the This is like ancient Rome. No, they didn't have fruit. They didn't have it till she ate the fruit. All right, so we still. She needed to eat the fruit. We're still kind of like fucking like caveman.

We're cave body hair, Cro-Magnon. Yes. We're way back. And we're naked and you're running and you have huge meat. Yeah. It's caveman meat. Also, we clown. Do we still clown Aiden?

Aiden, we clown on him. We actually hang him in our cave by his toes when we go out hunting. Okay. Because he's not a good hunter. You know what's crazy in the hypothetical is that we're all uncircumcised. Yes. You would figure it out? You would figure it out.

Like, guys, look what I did. He bashed his dick with a blunt rock. No, yeah, I carved an arrowhead and it's like a circle shape. Before fire, you figure that out. And my circumcision stone. Wait, is closed before or after fire? Closed is definitely... Ooh, I almost answered without knowing. This is a good question.

Closed is after fire. Look, all I'm saying, I'm a caveman, I turn around, you see the V-Lone. I have it back then. No, it's definitely after fire. Clothes is after fire, for sure. Dude, before. Because to create clothes you need tools? No, because clothes, clothes, fire happens naturally.

Clothes don't. Clothes make warm. Yes, yes, yes. Fire, fire. Fire, fire. Fire, fire. Fire, fire. Fire, fire. Fire, fire clothes, clothes, clothes Fire happens naturally

Clothes make, clothes make warm Yes, yes, yes Fire, fire also makes warm Amen, Amen, Amen is right Wait, stop, stop The oldest evidence is 300 to 400 thousand years old for fire

Clothes is a hundred thousand, that's such bullshit Two hundred thousand, look at the range, look at the range Listen, listen to me you fuckers Thousand years old for fire closes a hundred Listen listen to me you fuckers Close it does close count if you have killed an animal and where it's big old skin Just close clothes count yeah your clothes your clothing yourself Then clothes is before fire does a blanket count big leaf blanket is that close? Yeah, actually good question. What if it's not clothes because you're not wearing it out? You're only wearing it in your cave when you're cold out.

That doesn't count, it's not clothes. See that's what I think happened. I think they had like woven blankets. It's kinda your night clothes. It's not night clothes, it's a blanket. What if you wrap yourself in the leaf, is it clothes then? First caveman to like kill a bear and wear it, everyone would probably just thought he was a bear. Yeah, they were like, dude! Ah, bear!

You know what? Okay, caveman wakes up, it's a cold morning, he's just piped, and he's going out to was a bear. Yeah, they were like, Dude! Ah, bear! You know what? Okay, caveman wakes up. It's a cold morning. He's just piped and he's going out to take a pee. It's cold though. But it's cold so he puts on the bear blanket that he got.

Right, it's full of blood. He walks out into the cold. That's a Snuggie. Not close. He invented the Snuggie. I don't know. He invented the Snuggie. Snuggie is a type of clothes.

No, it's a type of blanket. All squares are rectangles. But not all rectangles are squares. Snuggie is a type of clothes. No, it's a type of blanket. All squares are rectangles. But not all rectangles are squares. Snuggies are clothes. Snuggies are clothes. People wear them to pub crawls. Yeah.

It's not just a Snuggie. Like Casey Tuggers. You could not wear just a Snuggie. I would have had fucking Montclair back then. Yeah, yeah. You guys would have

looked dumb as fuck. He would have had it. He was spending all his cougar teeth on my fucking, on some fucking crossbody. I'm fucking, we're hunting and I'm out there in the fucking neon red puffer. Just with a bow, just like damn I look good. Dude, caveman Aiden looks weird as fuck.

He looks like what the insides look like of us. You're refusing to hunt leopards because you don't think their pattern's cool enough? I would love if there is, if there are any bored yardigans out there, if you draw us all as cavemen, I think that'd be really funny. Not fucking please,

just normal cavemen. Unless you want to. Me showing caveman Aiden my fucking shiny blue sapphire butterfly knife and he still thinks it's tight. And he's like, ooh.

So in conclusion, if we are those cavemen running, getting his Montclair leopard, then our balls are shriveling up in us? You're talking about our balls. I'm talking about my big old pain. I thought what I learned in health class was like when your body temperature rises, your testicles lower to get further away. This also happens, but there's other reasons why they drop. It's not like there's one.

When you exercise, specifically when you run, you get the tiny tight balls. I want, when I run, for my fucking big old schnocker, to be knocking on the door of the world. I want mine to turn into a propeller, and I got kind of like a tails thing going, I go faster. My dick is the equivalent of those propeller hats from cartoons. This is a Mickey Avalon song. My dick is the equivalent of those propeller hats from cartoons. This is a Mickey Avalon song. And that's, you know, that's what all I'm trying to say,

is I put on these Nike running shorts, and the shit look like I'm fucking, I look pathetic. How come the damn Roadrunner never put a glory hole on that mountainside? Oh, God. Why would he want to fuck this shit? Why would he want to start fucking the hole in the mountainside? Dude, you know what's funny? He paints a glory hole in the side of the mountain, right? And the rotor's just fucking it.

Yeah. And it's like, it works. And he pushes his dick into it. I thought that was paint. And then while he comes, he's just like. Oh, man. We're good at our job. Can someone draw that too?

I want to see the Looney Tunes have penile fractures now. Please. Please. Show me. Running into the wall and it's like... The bend. It does the like Z shape on the way. According to your penis.

I think I heard. I used to wash cars with this guy who smoked crack sometimes, and he was like, yo, I was fucking my girlfriend, and I missed. And he showed me a picture, and it was this bent purple J dick. Shit looked like a gregarious angle. Mine just looks like that. Yeah, you got a broken dick. Shit looked like gizmos and gadgets.

You know how they talk about wanting the curve? Mine's like a candy cane. First of all know how they talk about wanting the curve Mine's like a candy cane First of all no one talks about wanting the curve Also if it curves to the side You're so fucked You don't want side curve You want optimal curve You're hitting like the The H spot

Yeah bro that's me That looks like a dick on the side. His tail flipped out to the other side. Yeah, can you flip the image so we can imagine better? We basically have the edit here. That's what I'm going to do to Aiden next time he chirps. So he's erect? I'm going to make you a fucking, yeah. Next time you're

erect, you're going to make me run into the side of a canyon. I will trick you easily. He's going to make you erect and then make you run. Right, he's going to run really fast with Michael Reeves and I'm going to be chasing them and then they're going to disappear into the side of a canyon I will trick you easily he's gonna make you erect and then make you run he's gonna run really fast with Michael Reeves and I'm gonna be chasing them and then they're gonna disappear

into the side of a canyon are you fast? no I'm just consistent with strong knees yeah my knees are better I'm just consistent

he's left right well it's like basically I only stopped once on the you have good stamina I walked a bit too that's great

but it was like it was fucking miserable I think I could run a marathon tomorrow it was the hardest thing I've ever done are you for real about that?

I'm dead ass convinced. Why didn't you come? You were going to come. Why are you... I didn't come. I ended up doing calls all morning. And I had to go to the wedding. Everybody, every...

He wishes he had a day off. I think a lot of people could run a marathon if you have no time constraint. Well, there is a time. There's an inherent time constraint. I think he's implying the time constraint. The time constraint is six and a half hours. Is it six and a half? Six and a half.

Fifteen minutes a mile. That's the time constraint. six and a half hours. Is it six and a half? Six and a half. 15 minutes a mile. That's the time constraint. After that, the people at the end are like, too late. I got to go home. Got to go to my wife. Yeah, I guess marathon implies the time constraint too. How many miles is it? 26.2.

If you don't do six hours, you just run 26.2 miles. But if you do it in the time, you ran a marathon. A married-thon, where if you fail, you have to get married to the person who's finished before you. Way after you. So it's a downgrade. Then it's just a chain? No, because they also marry the person behind them. In the fourth dimension it would figure itself out.

You have to get married to a slower guy. So someone's getting married to a faster guy then? Yeah. Right? Because it's a marriage. No, it's just one big polycule. no you you just have to draw to get married but only if you fail because you don't want to be married i think you should be in a polygamous relationship like like the mormons and then the fastest in your age group is the head becomes the head of your family sure the head of the polycule right yes i like

that mormon is this the word and he's and that one that's no stop that's not okay i know what of the polycule. Right. Yes. I like that. More mon. Is this the word? And he's, and that one, one is rewarded. That's not okay. I know. What the? What did he say? He said more mon.

He used a Jamaican accent. He said it. Like, po, po. Also not. No, it's just how he expressed like what. Good pick. Oh, that's good. Oh, shit.

Zipper made the. Zipper made the Wile E. Coyote, but his dick was that shit. Oh, shit. Oh, you got the bowl too. Yeah, that's exactly what I thought it would look like. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Zipper made the... Zipper made the Wile E. Coyote, but it's dead after that shit. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's exactly what I thought it would look like. Joseph Smithmon. Mormons.

Guys. It's like Witch Doctor from Zelda. It's like Chet Hanks. Yeah, it was in Chet Hanks. He did it. It is like Chet Hanks. Do you think there are any Jamaican Mormons? Probably.

There has to be one. Jamaicans. Religion'sons? Probably. There has to be one. There has to be at least one. Religion's so powerful and cool. Yeah. We should become God. Can we get it? Can you take us to one? Dad, dad, dad, can we have a religion?

Can we make one? Can we get one, please? Can you finance a religion? There we go. Jamaican Mormon guys. There's Spencer Nugent. Mormon Stories podcast. Mormon Stories episode number

One one two six I want a guest Jesus Christ You think so? Like hey Thanks for getting me on The Mormon Stories podcast Bro if you haven't at least

Got on Carrot That's like the start To all podcasts I would love to lie myself I'm waiting for my invite Oh you lost your Shrek horn Yeah I did Oh man

Damn you fucking Fixed the ear it's weird It's like freaking me out There you go Shreg Oh so they're gibbets Technically Yeah they're gibbets

Interesting I got my own gibbets You can mix and match I saw We know I haven't seen them yet Two reactions by the way Two different reactions

We know what they are They're the fucking Computer things What? No Computer things? I got new ones My dogs are always

Dogging my dogs I'll say that Now you got new ones I got new ones Of course you didn't know Because I tried to tell'll say that. Now you got new ones. I got new ones. Of course you didn't know because I tried to tell you and you fucking chirped at me. I thought you were talking

about the old ones. Yeah, because you didn't let me finish. But you said it like we didn't know. You did. You literally didn't know. You said it as if

it was new information when you already had it. But you didn't indicate that as a second set. You just said, I have gibbets. It's like we know. Also, Offer Ends

are a bigger company. Bigger company. Bigger company, I have gibbets. It's like we know. Also, Offer Ends a Bigger Company. Bigger Company. Bigger Company. Bigger. I think you should walk away from this one. I'll leave. That means I'm right. No, you're wrong. And dumb. Get started fresh fall routine with HelloFresh. Pre-portioned ingredients make it easy

and helps you cut down on the ingredients. The ingredients are fresh. I promise. Take your pick from 40 weekly recipes. You can choose from over 100 add-on items, from snacks and easy lunches to desserts and pantry necessities. Don't just read it straight now. I like this. How about a personal experience? I like HelloFresh because they can come with these little shakes.

They're like little protein shakes. There's a mango one I really like. There's also a strawberry one. In addition to... What? Why are you coughing? Just thickening. It also is a great way to learn how to cook.

And I think these joy thieves that we walk around with take that away from us too much. It's the time we have to cook. And that's a good skill to learn. It's just so true. And Shlom agrees with me on that. It's so true, Ludwig. It's all joy thieves.

But it's not a joy thief when you use HelloFresh. It's actually a joy bringer. It's a JB. HelloFresh, yeah. HF is a JB. But our phones are JTs and EGs. Well, I'll tell you where you go. You go to HelloFresh.com. What?

You're okay. You go to HelloFresh.com slash 50 the yard and use code 50 the yard. You go to HelloFresh.com slash 50 the yard. That's right. And use code 50 the yard. It's both in the thing. For 50% off plus an additional 15% off in the next two months, dude. 50% off, then 15.

1-5. It's a 5-0, then a 1-5. That's HelloFresh.com slash 50 the yard. And use code 50 the yard. It smells like a funeral in here. No, you know what it smells like? America's number one meal kit. No, it doesn't smell like that.

It doesn't smell like that. They smell great. This smells awful. They're different. But they are America's number one meal kit. That part's true. We're actually all five-year-old Aiden, aren't we? Yeah.

The teacher did it wrong. Aren't we? Just you, kind of. What? Have you ever had him give up an argument ever? He's actually the worst. I'm not the worst. I think you're pretty bad.

I'll leave. You're not the worst. You'll leave? I'll disengage. I don't think so, man. You only disengage. No, Ludd hits the kill switch, but then, like, in three years, he'll say the craziest shit of your life.

Yeah, he'll show up and be like, like yeah it's like at that time you fucking thought this and you're like you go to slow mo yeah it's like that and he'll be like what you really didn't forget that did you bitch that's what you're like you were so wrong you're the same should you not own it three years later

you're so proud of it back then so we are the same we're all Aiden no no I hate this I'm the one accepting it so proud of it back then. So we are the same. We're all Aiden. No. No. I hate this. I'm the one accepting it. You guys are fucking denying the prophecy.

We can all hang out with Jesus right after this. We'll go to the coffee shop. We all eat 900 calories a day. Look, can I admit something to you? Yeah. We went to your favorite restaurant without you. That sounds like a thumbnail. I think you know what my favorite restaurant is.

Oh, really? Yeah. I like like that spot did you check in did you check in also please blur this archie uh i did not check in no that's fake as hell i was i was with yan i didn't think i had to check in what doesn't make any logic no that's the rule you're with the end you don't check in it's the whole thing no right no this is done out you don't know about this it's because yan you're with the end. You know, I can't the whole thing It's cuz it's not a bad man, so don't go to my spot. I'll just say that I'll just say that once I think I was a shake shake. You don't have to check in You don't go to my spot hmm, I was there you check in I was there no one knew you check in You can check in. Are you still was there? What if you check in? I was there and no one knew you. That's kind of crazy. You can check in. You can check in.

You're still not going to the spot. Can I check in and then go to the spot? Why would I check in if I'm not going to the spot? Yeah, you're not incentivizing any sort of check-ins. You can check in. You just can't go to the spot. You know what's crazy is that we, for the Disney Channel Patreon show, we watched a Disney Channel movie that was made in 2023. Yeah.

First time we've watched one made this year. And they say kind of penis and vagina in the movie they say i i put my p in a v the guy says not he says he literally so the horse bomb thing was a lie i'm not censoring anything no oh yeah i forgot you weren't in on it yeah how did you find out it was a lie i've fit i zipper told me nah narc come on anyway this this is not a lie and I'm not censoring. These are the exact words used. There's like a 13 year old kid and he was like,

I bet you've never had your pee in a V. And the guy's like, like, yeah, I have. And he's like, now that guy points to

like a handsome guy. That guy's had his pee in some V. They say this in the decon. This is a verbatim quote and that happens in a supermarket. Do you think they were right?

About the, do you think that guy had his pee in a V? No, the main character's so handsome. Well, yeah, he had his pee in a V for Do you think they were right? Do you think that guy had his P and V? The main character is so handsome. Yeah, he had his P and V for sure. It was just that Kyle was like miring too hard. He was V'd out of his mind. The 13 year old kid named Kyle was miring way too hard to be.

So we have P and the V and then we have the hard R in Color of Friendship. Yeah. Two important things for art and media. It was crazy. It was very jarring and the DCOM meta has now shifted into a spicier realm.

Yeah, they're actual movies now. Oh, to chew on that. Have you started reading your book? Nope. For our book club? Nope. You only have 12 day. What's the book? 12 day to finish it? The book is crying in H Mart

I did is it good no it was the good first chapter don't do that that's crass we're not doing

something crass audio listeners will never know what you're doing we're talking yeah Japanese Breakfast is actually one of my favorite bands

yeah the person who's in the band wrote this book I don't like this and it seems like a personal like auto I don't like that

you're running out of breath biography now it's done yeah okay so we have our book club if you want to read along It seems like a personal, like, auto... I don't like that you're running out of breath....biography. Now it's done. Yeah. Okay. So we have our book club. If you want to read along, you now know the book.

Yeah, if you want to read Crying in H Mart, you can also join in on knowing about the book. Are you audio booking or are you visual booking? I'm reading it. I'm looking through the letters. That sounds difficult for you. I had to sound it out. How do they print the K's in the book? Crying in. It's like a Mortal Kombat and every C is a K.

Yeah, Cutie and Maya are in the book club. Nice. They're reading the book. Are we going to discuss it? What the fuck are we doing with our life? We're going to read the book and then figure it out from there. I don't give a shit. You should talk about it on camera. this could be a patreon we're just

gonna talk what's about fucking money yeah he's got bread talks you don't care about your bread i the thing about it is i don't need to because my bread makes bread i keep my eyes on my own paper uh i make more i go but my dick tall yeah yep no actually short fella but my dick tall. Yep. No, actually, shortfella, but my dick small. Speaking of about their bread, Nick's out of touch. Y'all hear? What happened? Nick's out of, he got a little too rich. Does he think Rice-A-Roni costs $8?

He thinks Rice-A-Roni costs $8. Uh-oh. I won the battle of the bad beers. Are you like the mom of arrested development now? Yeah, a little bit. The evidence is in my favor. Please explain to me why OG no longer knows about the streets. Please explain, Ludwig.

He pulls up in the the slack and he's like fellas little life tip for y'all you might not know your garage opener can link up with your car and then sends like a pic of his car i said the gate opens yeah oh but you don't want an idea i was but yes that it like basically your car has a built-in garage door opener oh and then framing it this way is dumb this is a bad because we can't say what the real thing is But we saying hey your car has one of these is dumb because I what I was saying I was saying hey the thing that we all know exists can work on our gate Nick thinks everyone got a fucking 2023 ready to rock so this is auto auto

Four-digit miles. Out of nowhere and for no reason because auto actually has like the same car Nick has Sorry, auto has my exact car but newer. But what he does instead is he comes in and he goes hey Nick not everybody has a new car like you. Some people are riding a Volkswagen Jetta cuz I'm letting Otto borrow my car. Right, yeah. Which by the way, I saw him park on the street illegally and I was like Otto, what's going on? I was driving the other day and I just see your car on the street and I see not you inside of it. Yeah.

And it was like, I'm like, who is that? Dude, same thing. I pulled in and I see and it's like, oh, cutie is driving Ludwig's car. Because Otto's long hair? Because Otto's long hair.

Yeah. And then who exits but Otto. But Otto. So he starts it all off and then everyone kind of chirps in. Everyone chirps in. They're like, yeah, Nick, we don't have that shit. Yeah. We don't have so that's he starts it all off and then everyone kind of chirps in everyone chirps in there like yeah, Nick We don't have that shit. Yeah, we don't have that new fandango technology. I said naturally I said post your fucking spread pick One post your model you're making model. Let's do this. It's Maddy's his post making model starts looking up

looking up where the manual manual to everyone's cars yeah and so the first round was yan which is a you know always a hard matchup for me and i and so yan post is making model i'm like all right here's where yours is and he's like no i have the older model he sends the picture in his car i'm wrong i say all right zero one next round it's funnier than that because nick's like nick post it like mic drop he's like all right post make model post make a model bitch and so so yeah finally does it and he's like he's like boom there it is yeah i said here is next and then he was like no i don't yeah it's like what do you want me to do post a pic and nick's like yeah and he's like okay clearly just not there and nick wang who's jumping in on giving me shit right i'm like post your fucking car and he and he posts like this thing instead of his car and i'm like that's a that's

a win for me he obviously has a button true true and he did he went and checked he does did nick wing lost so it's one one but volkswagen my car did not have it you didn't even try to look uh no i knew your car didn't my car didn't have it what's funny though is uh his car in his car's manual there's like instructions for how to install it but there's no button in the car it's like an upgrade you might be able to get if you get some souped up. Yeah, if you got bread for it. What's your year? 2008? 2011. Oh, really?

Three years after the GFC. Hey, I love a good 2011, Jetta. What's the GFC? Now who's out of touch? The great fucking car. I don't know. It's like the... Please.

GFC? I have no fucking clue. What does that mean? Just me and you, Zipper. It's like the Please GFC? I have no fucking clue What does that mean? Just me and you, Zipper It's fine Grand Fiat Convention Don't worry about it It was a big convention for Fiats

Is what it was For really tiny cars I actually have a screenshot of it That I sent to you, Zipper Of the Slack Convo Which I think is fine to show But yeah It was Nick trying to get

Everyone to make a model And show it I think you ended up going like, what, one for three? No. Because you were wrong about Shake's. Shake didn't have it. No, but Ryan did. I did. But Ryan wasn't in the chat. I did. So in the chat.

He wasn't chirping. No, but I said it because he had it. That's why I said it. But it wasn't part of the chirp. The chirp fest was people saying, I don't have this thing, Nick. And then you going, you probably do have it. But Nick Wang did have it. So that's one. And me and Ryan and Mike.

But I'm saying they weren't in it. And Mike, who was chirping. No, he was not. Mike was not chirping. Wait, wait, wait. I will always. Okay. Just to let everyone know, you can link your gate opener to garage door opener.

Some of us have Jetta's Nick. Yeah, that's for no reason because he has nick's car oh wow so yeah this started this started a lot of shit oh look all i want to say dear dear listener dear viewer i will never switch on you i won't you're talking to the viewer i'm talking to the viewer because these three jamokers they don't know what the gfc is i think rice is 12 fucking dollars i know how much it costs. Speaking of cars, in France, I saw this car on the street. Oh, my God.

And I really liked it. And I was like, I wonder if I could get this car. They don't sell it in the US. Did you send a picture to him? So I'm like, yeah. So I was like, I'm going to import this car like Ludwig did. Zipper, can you show the first picture? No way. You know show the first picture? No way!

You know what I immediately say? You know what I immediately say? He goes, look at this cool car. Look at the second picture. I say, look up the Scarab from Rocket League. It's basically like a smart car for audio listeners. Yeah.

It's the same car. It's not even a smart car. It's like half the size of a smart car. audio listeners. Yeah. Oh my God. It's the same car. It's not even a smart car. It's like half the size of a smart car. It's very small. It's super tiny. It's basically an enclosed bike.

Yes. With four wheels. with your eyes and your mouth and you said, I like it. It'd be so tight. How much is it?

Did you look? It's like, I can't believe you think this is cool. I think it's like nine or ten grand. It's basically a glorified golf cart. I can't. No, but or ten grand it's basically a glorified golf cart

i can't no but it goes faster right you're gonna get fucking flattened like a pancake in mario it goes like 50 miles an hour can you answer me a question what is cool about this it's it's a little tiny electric car that i can run errands in isn't it cute run errands you don't run errands yeah i'll start going to the grocery store every day it's so funny he says run errands you'll run errands yeah I'll start going to the grocery store you go here and back every day it's so funny he says run errands like he doesn't fucking Uber Eats every meal I can't wait to go like I would buy this ironically because it's like it looks like Ronald McDonald's butthole

this is so funny to have you cannot buy but I think you don't like it ironically you think it's Yuraboo it's both it's both 100% I don't know man why not just get a bike? In the same way that his car is! If it was American- No, it is his car! Hold on, answer this, and be honest. Yeah. Look in deep in yourself. If this was American-made,

would you like it? Uh, yeah. No way! Yeah, absolutely. I think he would. I think he likes it because it's a foil to what's being made in America, not because it's not American. Yeah, it's a dodge on it. Hold on, if I looked up this car and then saw you could buy it in America, not because it's not American. Yeah, it's a dodge on it. Because if you could, hold on, if I looked up this car and then saw you could buy it in America and I didn't have to import it, I would buy it. No, not buy in America.

It's American made. It's Ford. It's a Ford car. Pussy. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Wow. Because it's so.

I like that. Because I've thought about buying a smart car before because I think it'd be really funny to have one. But it's like the smart car is like the halfway point it's like it's just useless there'd be no reason to do it but this is a tiny little electric car. Is that Joe Biden? You liking the idea of an ironic like life item that you need to use to live? I respect. Look up the Honda compact bike I don't know if you've seen this. Oh the new one the thousand dollar one? Yeah. I compact bike. I don't if you've seen this was a new one the thousand dollar. Yeah, I wanted this

I was thinking about it, bro It looks like a VHS tape. Type in $1,000 Honda bike. I think it's the top right Wait, how fast how fast does it go? Is it? I don't know $1,000 compact bike just don't put a brand. I swear. It's the top lefttop. It's a new $1,000 compact bike. Just don't put a brand. It's the top left one. It's that one. That looks dumb as shit. That's what you want? It folds up into like a table.

Yeah. I was going to say, it looks like one of the tables you'd have in a fucking barbecue. Yeah, that was the memes I was being shown. It's a thousand bucks for a vehicle. I'd rather walk with my fucking feet. How fast does it go?

I got no clue. Definitely not a speed that you want to go too quickly on. I want to take that fucking little Renault Twizy fucking Rocket League car and take it on the highway. And feel adrenaline. Just really buy a bicycle. You want a motorbike. You know what France made me feel?

I want an electric bike. Yeah. They're kind of quiet. It's just very convenient. I just like how they assist. Like a bicycle? Yeah. It makes your journey so much more effortless.

Yeah. I have become obsessed with effective, productive transportation. Wow. Just because that's all I wanted to do in Paris, was get to point A to point B as fast as possible. But you live in the wasteland. Yeah. You live by TSA.

Well, that's why sometimes when I'm driving a car, I get sad because I realize how much faster I'd be if I was on my bike. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, how often? Is it because you want to be alone in your thoughts for the smallest amount of time possible? Uh, no.

Autopia. 15 miles per hour. Oh, okay. I could outrun it. 12 mile range. You could not outrun that. Get one of these bikes. Get one of these bikes.

I'll show you. Over what distance? Weight capacity, 265 pounds. Well, we couldn't ride it. Okay, we let it, we let it get to its top speed. Dude, 15 miles an hour is pretty fucking fast.

We let it get to its top speed, and I run 20 yards. What is 15 miles an hour if you do that for the course of a mile? So you divide it by six? Four minutes. That's a four-minute mile. That's world record shit, bro. That is not world record shit. Wait, wait, wait.

But if you dead sprinted like 10, 15, 20 yards. That's like 99%. And you kept that pace up for a full mile. You probably hit a four minute mile. There's actually a video about this. There's a, they go on a treadmill and they see how long the average person can keep a world record marathon pace. And people collapse at like the 20, 30 second mark.

I would only have to do it for like five seconds. That's true. So you think you'd be able to keep up for 100 meters? No. Absolutely not. No, 100 meters is too far. You said 20 yards. Oh, 20 yards. 20 meters. But your startup's bad. Basically 20 meters, yeah. Do you think your startup's better? My startup? Like your

acceleration than that? It's electric? No, definitely not. If it's electric, it's all electric, right? He used to get a head start. Oh, well that's cheating shit. You try to time I get a head start a head start like oh Well, that's cheating time it right I would not cheating That's so of course is cheating if Nick's at his top speed and then the place You have to let him get to his house Let me tell you so I saw someone like like having one of those in public or like an airport I'd be like fuck that we'd get we'd go tipping. Yeah, I would bother that person wait you ever see the suitcase ones

Yeah, that's what we're looking at I see that's one of those in a suitcase You just saw it's like a table looking. Oh, yeah, the one before the literal suitcase ones the one before the one he does Yes, okay. I would bully these humans. I was just think about the suitcase thing It's one of those products that I think so many people when they see someone using it or like that'd be really nice right now But no one will buy it. Like, I won't subject myself to that. And that's what Lime tried to fill

with their niche of e-waste and real waste. I do fucking hate Limes. Well, you like birds. I hate birds, too. You like Lime bikes. You use Limes in Paris the entire time. No, the bikes. I'm talking about the scooters. Why do you hate them?

I think scooters are just way less efficient and safe than a bicycle. And an electric bicycle does everything the Lime does better. But we just, for whatever reason, have the scooters everywhere instead of the bikes. And they also, people park them like assholes, including me. Just fucking everywhere.

We should melt them down and make swords. We should. And we should kill the people who made the company. And then there could be lime swords at Venice Beach But it doesn't work It weighs like a thousand pounds Like Thor's hammer until you pay for it And then when you charge it up with its electricity It becomes like a lightsaber

It becomes like a lightsaber One time I convinced my friend that Like lightning rods on the top of buildings Like tall buildings I convinced him because I just thought It would be a cool idea that you could actually remove it after it's been hit with lightning

and then shoot the lightning out at people. You had stupid friends. I didn't have stupid friends. Or maybe genius ideas. I was really convincing. You could probably be a cult leader. Yeah, I'd be really good. I don't think you should take this as a compliment. Why? Cult leaders are powerful and infamous.

Yeah. Joe Jones. We're talking about him right now. Jim Jones. From the Jonas brother. We're talking about Jim Jones right now. He just got a divorce and he has diabetes. It's because he's an in guy and she's an out girl.

I'm kind of like not an out guy. Yeah. You're an in guy. He's actually me. Joe Jonas. You expand. Cause I'm an in guy. Right. Okay. So Joe Jonas. You expand. Because I'm an in guy. Right.

Okay, so that's where it ends. Yeah. Do you think that you guys would be friends? Joe Jonas. Do you guys think that you guys would be friends? Me and Joe Jonas? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure we could talk about God.

Yeah, and you could be like, I watched a lot of your early work. I say, I've seen Camp Rock 1 and 2. What do you think of that yeah and he'd be like you would sing and i'll be like yeah i know that one for you baby and so right and so do you think you could do for joe what what sophie couldn, no. No. I don't like him like that. But I would ask him, like, hey, Frankie, what's the deal with him?

Like, why are you guys ashamed of Frankie? Did you guys lose a bet? Oh, Frankie's the fourth brother, right? He's the bonus Jonas. And so I'd ask him, does Frankie, like, have, like, a club foot? Like, what are you ashamed of for Frankie? He's got his own show now.

He's got his own show? Yeah, Frankie has a show. Although it's kind of sad. I think I talked about this. He's the host of like the famous show. Like all the famous celebrities claim to fame. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's 22, which is super Zoomer bears.

Oh, he's just the youngest Yeah I was gonna say does that mean he just probably was too young He was a little dumb younger brother and they didn't want to hang out with him Yeah That's kinda sad Because like he didn't choose to be young but he still wanted to be rich He probably just wasn't chief and fucking reefer yet and they all were What if the Jonas family

Made his ass work at McDonald's Just to learn Just to teach him Like these three guys had to earn it. Get some work ethic in ya. Make a frost- whip up a frosty. Idiot. Hold it upside down so I know you did it for real.

Kevin Jonas is 36? Oh, he's so much younger than that. Yeah, there's an eight year gap between him and Nick. This all makes way more sense. Cause they were famous like, what? 12 years ago? Dude, it's crazy. It's crazy to, like, be fucking one day and be like, whoopee, we made kid. And then 13 years later, be like, let's do it again.

Do they have the same parents? That's definitely an accident. Both of the same parents? No way. Frankie Jonas will tell you he's an accident. And I base this off of nothing. Right. But, like, no one plans to have another.

This will be probably the most unhinged first question you ask a guest ever. Were you an accident? Were you an accidental birth? I don't know anything about you. Well, actually, it makes sense. I know way more about Frankie Jonas than I do Mr. Beast. Why? Surely not anymore.

No, definitely not anymore. Oh, I beg to differ. Sisters. What do I know about Mr. Beast? I know everything. What the fuck do you know about Frankie? I know that he's the bonus, Jonas, that he was an accidental baby. Right.

And he had to work at McDonald's to earn his fucking key. Things that you did not invent today. Anything besides things you invented in the last five minutes. I know that he does a claim to fame. Yeah, he does. Who's his co-host? Paul Abdul. Paul Abdul. Yeah, he does. Who's his co-host? Paul Abdul. It's actually Kevin.

No! It's sad. They wouldn't just let Frankie host it. They had to have Kevin in. He gets the invite and it's like, also if your brother's interested, let you. Actually, right? Maybe just see if he's free. Dude, I, on the low, on the low, I did this once with Android and Armada.

Really? Yeah. Because I thought it would be cool to have Armada at the tournament. I also thought it would be cool to have Android at the tournament because I was a fan of... You had to carry water bottles around.

I was a fan of EU Melee at the time. But I figured if I asked Armada straight up that he would never come. Wow. And I knew that Android, like the other European players I was helping at the time, would probably jump at the opportunity. So I was like, Android, do you want to come to this event? I'll fly you out. And then he was like, yeah.

And then he was like, can my brother come? And then he convinced Armada. Oh, he did it for you. And you're like, who's your brother? And then I was like, I don't even know who that is. I could do it. He brings their Oldest brother

Yeah He has like Eight siblings right They have more Melee players in their House besides them too The Lindgrims And then they both

Didn't come Really They bailed They bailed like The week before Wow did you get a refund No That's so

I bought it for Dome Park Yeah this was Sort of the first Dome Park in 2016 We bought Android's Flight and then I think Android Just got sick And then he that's so I bought Androids for Dome Park yeah this was probably the first Dome Park in 2016 I bought Androids flight and then I think Androids

just got sick and then he couldn't go he got sick of you yeah maybe he was sick of my attitude you do have attitude

you do have a lip I get that from randos where they're like hey yo what's up slime this and that it was happening a lot

back in the day and I'd be like hey what yes what and he'd be like, Hey, what? Yes, what? And he'd be like, Ludwig, I want to contact Ludwig. Like industry people. And I'm like,

I get it, bro. He doesn't answer his DMs. But let me tell you something. If he didn't pick up, he's not going to pick up for me if you're asking about some fucking game that you want to sell. And they never got it through their head.

You would... The real effective way is to message Aiden. Because he will pick up. Not anymore. Well, sometimes I still pick up. You switched. I didn't switch. Well, I never... No, I never replied. True.

You would if they're clouded enough. You're just like Toph. It's just fucking clouded assholes doing wedding shit. So you think Toph is a clouded asshole yes somewhat he me up Toph when I was the runner of his parody inviting you to his wedding is a cloud chasing activity it's probably together he asked you to give a speech could he thought you might make a video out of it. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. You're actually... I'm just saying what he's thinking.

Dumb as bricks. I know you don't believe this. Co-workers for a long time, camaraderie. I am kidding. I like Tof. I spend more time with Tof than you do. Eat my balls. You're like, I'm full Donald Trump.

Eat my balls. You went full Donald Trump right there. I do. I love Tof. I'm actually way closer with Tof than anyone here. I spend more time with Toph. I'm actually way closer with Toph than anyone. I spend more time with him than you do. Nobody's closer to Toph. I am.

Are you mad you didn't get invited? No. I wouldn't have gone. That's fine. What? No, and I wouldn't have gone. Actually, I would have gone. I think I have a soft spot for weddings.

If someone asks me to go to their wedding, I will go. And funerals. Yeah, like Dr. Battle. You've always been begging me to go to Dr. Battle's funeral. It's funny to say you have a soft spot for weddings. It's like you have a soft spot for like the most important day of someone I know's life. I mean, it's good that like that is still sacred to him. It is.

Because it's like you only get married like once to that person. Sure. You know. Yeah. Unless they renew vows. Yeah, for the most part. I'm not going to a vow renewal. Are you fucking kidding me? Who wants the speech at my wedding? I would, for the most part. I'm not going to a vow renewal. Are you fucking kidding me?

Who wants the speech at my wedding? Give me the speech. He's been begging for it. I'm ready. Coach, put me in. He wants to put people in tears. So who wants it? You don't want me to do it?

He would botch it like none other. Oh my goodness. He would start crying during his own speech. I can't have that. He would cry during his own speech, which is good though, because it would make the speech more powerful to some, because his tears baguette tears. Yeah, but I wouldn't need to fucking fake it.

We're baguette tears. It wouldn't be faking it if he cried. If he did it, then you know he doesn't mean it. Oh, Nick, when I met Nick, I showed him my butthole. I knew I truly respected the bride when she drew Sonic naked on top of a sibbiett and I'm right here for you today

She's like yes you the parents of the bride Large laminated print of the look under your chairs out there in the audience. I gave one day Yeah, you can tell you can do a speech at my wedding. I can? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, stop jumping at the opportunity, guys. They should want to.

They don't even like me. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I just said I wanted to. That's what I just learned. Raise my hand. You should want to do it. I did not like doing it.

You didn't like doing it? Not that much. You're like Lud Dandis. You guys are the same. Yeah. I'll do a melee bracket for best man. Whoa. At the wedding live.

That would suck for me. Sheesh You'd be great when I don't think I'd be dating on your best day play like a So after he wins I'm like not you You're like the secret contest is who play the coolest One the black combo con my 17 missed falcon punches And just like cracking the bottle with my teeth Yeah the 7th place guy Weddings are exhausting though

They're so planned out For the people who are in the wedding Like the bride and the groom Every minute's fucking planned out They're cringe bro I'm never gonna get married Really you think? What if it's a beautiful floor wife And she says I love you I will a beautiful floor wife and she says,

she says, I love you. I will be your floor wife. I will sleep here. And we can have the space here on whenever you want. The only thing I ask is that I want to get married because I've always dreamed myself

having a fairytale wedding. And we'll only do Mish until the end of time. Huh. But I need this wedding. Shotgun wedding. What does that mean? Like go to Vegas?

Yeah. She dreamed of a fairytale wedding. She dreamed of a fairytale wedding in which we friends and family No, she was like flip a coin and if it's heads we get a wedding and tails we don't Oh, you would sign up for that. I would you know what I would just lose the flip Like I just you know some flips you're like I'm not making it out of it. Yeah. Yeah some flips I sign up just to make sure I know I'm gonna lose. Yeah, I don't want to see myself hurt It'd be one of those.

I mean, look, the real answer is I would do anything for my floor wife. If she wants to have a big wedding and I'm not into it, I would step up. That's beautiful. Would you eat a tire? Of course I'd eat a tire for her. She is beautiful. I'd eat a tire, man. All right, man.

Would you eat a tire for a cutie Cinderella? What's the circumstance here she's asking you yeah she says babe no if she's just asking are you fucking for real

this is like the whole would you date me if I was a worm thing if she's just you know what I would you don't even mean it you can't do it after I would

it's like it's like she came up she's like eat this tire for me and you're like no right if she gets mad and then you're like fine I'll do it she's like I don't want it anymore I'd date her if she was warm.

Flower check. Flower check? Last time I got flowers. Three days ago. Mine's the same as last time. What? But, but, but. Yikes.

But, I bet I'd. Wait, hold on, sorry. Hey, cutie, hi. Hi. So, I'm doing the show with Ludwig right now, and we were just talking, and I was talking about how if I had a floor wife, and she asked me to eat a tire from a car, from a car,

like a car tire. And I would instantly do. I snap answered. Yes. And I asked Ludwig, what, what if cutie asks you if she to eat a tire? And he said,

he said, no, I wouldn't do that. Oh my God. Okay. All right. Okay. Alright. Okay. So.

Are you kidding? I would eat the tire. In full. He specifically said that you'd do this. That he wouldn't eat it. I'd eat it in full. It's okay. Okay, so I'm sorry to be that guy.

I'll leave you alone. I hope you have a great time with your new cool friend. It's the same friend. It's like episode 113. Alright. Go easy on yourself. Goodbye.

So does that make you feel good? Do you feel like a man when you push her around? I hate the tire. I'm gonna bring a fucking tire tomorrow. We better bring my fucking beautiful girlfriend too, because I'm not eating unless she's here.

And with that, thanks for watching The Yard, everyone. Thanks for watching. Stay tuned for the Patreon episode, where... It's lunchtime. We are going to we're all going to try to fly kick Aiden's head

off his fucking shoulders for once and for all. We'll get one shot. And if we miss, that's not what's going to happen. If we miss, he gets

to try it on us. Yeah, then he can try it. Don't watch the episode. But he won't get to because it's going to clean off.

Clean, smooth off. It's not going to be smooth. Smooth like a mannequin rolling around. My spine is like steel. It would never fly off. I'm going to gummo gummo bell you. You are built like a crowbar. I don't want- I don't watch it. Stop bringing it up because I don't watch it. Gum gum bell is what uses his head. I would never watch it.

I'm using the fly kick fly kick for gun use. You can spend money for more of this. You can do that. So go to the Patreon and watch the premium episode. You know, Luffy fulfilled his promise ten years ago. Ten years ago. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.