The Yard - Ep. 115 - Aiden pooped his pants in public.

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

This week, the boys talk about protesting in the airport, Nick sitting next to an actor on the plane, and how Aiden had an accident...

i've thought about this with the question all the women are lying about not thinking about it because it's women so is all the women are lying can we can you break it down if you're more tapped in what is this bit about the empire yeah this is a tiktok trend yes yeah okay so it's a tiktok trend where uh women ask their boyfriends women start asking questions first they stop shopping they actually don't they keep shopping yeah in every video they're they're scrolling their laptop online shopping in the corner of the video. And they ask their boyfriends, how often do you think of the Roman Empire? And all of the boyfriends answer like once a week, maybe even once a day. Some of us, yeah.

But the answer is always within once a month. And all the women in the comment sections are like, what the fuck? I've never thought about the Roman Empire ever. Dude, they invented a social system. They had the grand hole. You literally cannot

think about it. The women are lying. You just encounter the phrase Roman. The reason we get to take a shit is because of the Roman Empire. You encounter the phrase Roman Empire

just in life. Oh, does that count? Does that count? If someone comes up to you and is like, you ever consider the Roman Empire? Am I now thinking about it?

Yes, of course. If that counts, then it's more. It doesn't count, I guess, if you're not considering, because they've affected so much in our life that you have to think about them, but if you don't know the connection, then it doesn't count. I feel like the spirit of the question is,

like, how often do you just ponder things about the Roman Empire because you are a guy? Like, that's kind of the spirit of the question. I'm more interested in the Bonin Empire. The Bonin Hempire. And it's a weed store. Fuck. I should have just said that straight up.

That might actually be a place in Vegas. Yeah, I think about it all the time, bro. I do, too. I've read fucking meditations and you made fun of me. That's different. No, it's not. Yes, it is. He's a Roman emperor.

Because you don't do anything on your own volition. You see a fucking TikTok. Where's the TikTok about that? I like Sarah V because I saw it on fucking big news. Pause. This is actually an us thing. Big news. By us, I mean us three, not you.

Because we watched Vinland Saga together. Isn't that the brand that's at Costco? That's pretty good. Really good discounts. We watched Vinland Saga together. Season 2 came out. I watched season 2. Kirkland Saga. It's really bad. The music sucks.

How do we find something that's the same but cheaper? Okay, so you watched Vinland Saga. You guys connect with each other Veil and Saga season two is very tied in. That's why I read it. All right. Because I like my anime. I watched it because I wanted to hang out with my friends.

Ugh, that's so pathetic of you. You're pathetic. Yeah. Oishi. Wait, am I also pathetic if I want to watch it? In a way, yes. In other ways. You said that like Principal Skinner.

In other ways, no. In other ways, you're inspiring principal skinner in other ways no in other ways you're inspiring dude I have been oh my god I've played I think 2000 games of chess

since the week ago when I started playing you have not played 2000 games because he plays 10 minutes because here's the thing I know you haven't

because Tyler won just eclipse 2000 games I played about the same as him he plays about like 50 games a day of a rapid it's absurd he plays like i think an average of seven to nine hours a day i unfortunately get it chess is also an interesting like i get so mad dude i get so i just want to throw my phone i

this mango probably doesn't know this but it hurt me more than he'll ever know this weekend at the tournament me and nick went to the offseason i remember it was in texas and we're all hanging out and uh there was like this crew battle that me and nick were drafted on because we were casting and it was like the casters had to play their mains and the good players had to play like a mid-tier or something and i just like throw against johnny's mario like sgj's mario just dicks me and i get all i lose I'm losing the crew battle for my team. I sit down. I'm playing chess. I load up a fucking game.

Mango's looking over my shoulder watching me. He's like, oh, you're playing Jossie? And I'm like, yeah, I lose in front of him. And I get mad. I'm like, god fucking damn it. And he looks at me. He's like, Slime, what are you good at? He's like, what are you good at, Slime?

That is so mean. So as someone who was there, I think he came at it a little more earnestly. He was like, Slime, what's your thing? What are you good at? Like, he was like, right. No, he said it as I was pitching. This is how it felt. I was there.

No, I know who I trust. I know who I trust. You'd have to ask him. He was like, what are you good at? After seeing me fail at something. I think... It was somewhere in the middle, probably. It was like, he was saying, like, you just got fucked on stage.

You're getting fucked right here. Like, what is your thing? What is your answer? I told him, he's like, what other game are you good at? What game are you good at? I said, like, probably Dota. I had, like, thousands of hours of Dota, even though I hadn't played in a while. And then he...

Mango's really good at when he, like, makes fun of of you he wraps it back around to it be okay he's like oh melee and dota you just picked the hardest games in the world and i'm like i know i did you deserve to feel okay about yourself yeah that's that's what he said how do you feel like about getting back into brood war at 33 i think i could be the best right i think i could make it you i think i could play random in asl yeah i could go to korea and play against jyj and actually just smurf on his dumb ass yeah yeah i believe that and then sleep him afterwards do you know the moment in your life when you realized you'd never be the best at anything yeah because nick told me about magnus carlson then i read his wikipedia so wait i'm. You just found out this past month about how good he is.

Yeah. And how that was the turning moment where you thought he'd never be the best at anything. Cause dude, he was really good at like 12. Yeah. There's like, Oh,

Magnus Carlsen gets bored against world champion and looks at other match. And he's like nine years old and he's like wishing Fortnite was invented. Yeah. It's like, dude, it's crazy. Do you think nine-year-old Magnus is sick of Fortnite? Do you think it translates? Yes.

I think he is not good at anything but chess. Yeah, but if he played Fortnite, he'd be really good at it. He's sportive. All right. What if we shipped Slime away for a month? He has to go to like Russia or Europe. I was going to say Rome. Some sort of chess capital. And we ship him away for a month. We don't go to like Russia or Europe. I was going to say some sort of chess capital

and we ship him away for a month. We don't talk to him the entire time. I wouldn't talk to you. I wouldn't want to. He's allowed to do. I'm allowed to talk to you

but I wouldn't. Yes. All he's allowed to do is train with a grandmaster in chess and then he comes back and so before he leaves we have him play Yand.

So he's in Russia? Yes. He'd come back and be like I don't understand a word he fucking said. What are before he leaves, we have him play Yan. So he's in Russia? Yes. He'd come back and be like, I don't understand a word he fucking said. What are you talking about? We find someone who speaks English. Everyone speaks English. Before he leaves. We made sure after the war.

Before we leave, we have him play Yan because Yan's currently cooking him. Right. Yeah. And then when he comes back, he has to play Yan again in a show match. Right. And we have it on the yard. Dude, Yan, he saw me playing and he just sends me the link to play against me on chess.com and i'm like sure i'll play one and he and he beats

me and i'm like best of five and then he beats me quickly in a best of five and then because there's the flags i just said fat american burger American burger, cuck, cuck burger, chicken burger emoji seven times. I keep getting screenshots from our friend Yan and it's just slime DMing him on Discord burger emojis saying fat American burger fatty fat.

What is your flag? It's America. I rep that shit. But it's like the flags give me a reason to just like indiscriminately get mad. It is something to hate.

It's like Nepal. I lost to a guy from Nepal the other day and I was like, that's the dumbest flag ever. Why that flag got two triangles? Yeah! I was like, dude, oh you guys think you're special. Cool flag. This is just racism. This is like- Dude, it's not racism. If they had flags in Valorant, this is like- Dude, that'd be fucked up. Does it have to do with their race? It has to do with why they got two dumb triangles.

That's exactly it. I'll look at a flag I can't recognize. Everybody else flag rectangle. Why it like that? What the fuck are you doing, Paul? It does look like a Boy Scout badge. Why the country sound like nipple? That's my question.

Y'all ain't think of that? No, that's overheads. Dude, oh my God. So we went to that tournament. Like I said, Nick, you actually now are running the offseason three, the next tournament because of what you did to Hitch.

What did you do? Oh, yeah. Dude, it was bad. We were on comms and Hitch is walking by to the tournament. Let's just say his pocket was not where his pocket should be. It was on the floor. Dude, it was insane. And he goes, he goes, and he freezes.

He freezes in time and the Russian anthem starts to play. We were just like, no. Dude, it was, he's a sweet guy. It was really, he's a good guy. It was a fun time. Dude, you know what's funny is during top 16

or top 8 or whatever, I go back to the hotel early because we left sunday night so i wanted to go work out at the hotel i go in early i come down i change into my little tiny baby shorts for like baby infants and i come down the elevator open the door zane's in front of the elevator he's supposed to be at the tournament it's like a mile away and i'm'm like, oh, what are you doing here? He's like, hey, passes me, goes into the elevator. I pass him. He's like, I came back here to take a shit. I'm like, really?

And he's like, I don't fuck with public bathrooms. And then the door just closes and he waves goodbye. Does he do his Zayn smile wave? He didn't. I think because he had to really shit. Right. It was a serious thing. But I learned that he doesn't do that.n's smile wave? He didn't. I think because he had to really shit. Right. It was a serious thing. But I learned that he doesn't do that.

That's Pierisus. I think the... Pierisus is P-Shinus or P-Shinus. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, by the way, the chess, I think it's infiltrating Slime's day-to-day anger. No. I think because...

That's stupid. I would checkmate you if you said that to me again. With my fists. I think that he was the most's stupid. I would checkmate you if you said that to me again. With my fists. I think that he was the most on edge at a tournament I've ever seen him. No! When it came to fan interactions. Yes. From the chest.

Okay. All right. Explain. Why were you on edge? What happened? Like, with it, I think the first person that came up to him, he snapped at. No, I didn't. Yes, I remember.

What happened? So, so we were... I went over. I didn't say, like, I'm sorry to the guy, but I went over, I had a nice conversation with the guy because I felt bad. Which guy was it? Oh, we sat down to play a doubles match, and we had not started the match. Yeah, we had just sat down.

Yeah. And a guy came over, and he was like, hey, I just, sorry to interrupt. He said, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say I really like you guys. And you were like, I'm playing doubles. And the guy was like, oh. No, I said, I'm playing doubles right now. I'm playing video games right now.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm so happy there's a third party. No, no, no, no. I'm so happy. You snapped at the guy. He came up later and apologized. So I'm like, hey, sir, we're actually in the middle of a game right now. If you could leave us alone for a bit.

That's what he said, right? He said, dear sir, what opening do you play? Yeah, I rolled out my frilly froth and put on my powdered wig. I was like, all rise to the tree. I will sign your controller later. He was snapping. What was the worst? Is that the worst?

Wait, from him? From him. Probably, yeah. I mean, there was also people who were coming up to him saying heinous shit. Later. Yeah. Like what? Like that one guy who came up and he was like, hey, my mom's dead too.

Dude, that was fucked up. It's like, I don't think people want to randomly think about that. I don't want to be reminded of my dead mom. Yeah. And he said it like it was, and he just said it. And then he kind of like was like, okay, cool. And fist bumped me and walked away. And I was like, dude, yeah he said it like it was and he just said it and then he kind of like was like okay cool and fist bumped me and walked away and i was like dude i actually said it was like that's an insane thing to say to like another person i get it i get it everything's fine but

they do chef it up different in texas i think they're just biting our shit because we do that uh to who each other and you each other yes yes, yeah, you guys That's the difference cuz I love him. That's the Pepsi difference. Oh To none touch it Here I think we should do my hand lately you held your hand out to fucking touch me anyway touch it Touch it. I don't see the weird part Yeah to the problem. That's the weird part. Is that what I sound like? Yeah, a little bit. You sound a little more weird. You sound very weird. You sound like Gollum with the fucking ring. Do you think you sound cool?

Touch it. Touch it. When you do that, is this how I sound? Yeah, pretty much. How close? Percentage points close. 84%. It's above 80.

Touch Dubbin' Time. 89's a zipper. 84% It's above 80 Touch dumb in time 89 to zipper Wow I've had this with This is a watershed moment for me With people coming up to me And they just immediately jump to Hey

Hey fucking Fucking old women Am I right? No way A couple times Because of the The girl The story is

Oh in Sweden With that Swedish woman Yeah And I Every time that. I'm like this story is so distorted like the poor woman was Slimes age is a thing to regret. This poor soul who will regret this for the rest of her life. Who got the most mid-drunk take of her life. Even though she doesn't know, even though she doesn't know,

people are just calling her like horrifically old all the time in the recollection of the story. It's just like with a membrane between us and making the decision to share our lives and our relationships as friends for money for crazy amounts of money that's like the trade-off is having to deal with people who don't understand that membrane and kind of like slip through it like the matrix jelly and they're all naked and weird and like and we're like no get back in the pod you know what this i thought about this because you sometimes like to make fun of another podcast. I do. Chuckle Sandwich.

What? Who is that? They don't really share much about their personal life. Like Schlatt's very They share nothing. Maybe they don't have them. Personal lives? We know them. We know them and they do. We know them and they do have personal lives.

I don't know shit about Schlatt. We know them. I can exclude you. know them and they do it personalized. I think it's a specific thing. I don't know shit about Schlatt. We know them. I can exclude you. And they do. Well, I don't. He already excluded me. Can I keep going? No.

Dubbing. Dubbing. Subbing. Yeah. So I think that's a choice from them. That makes podcasts worse. But also avoids. That was a comment after we did the episode with Ted.

Do you guys remember? Immediately after we did the episode with Ted do you guys remember immediately after we finished he was like you guys get pretty real on here it was funny because I don't think we were particularly real that episode maybe not you I can't hold it back imagine Ted was the guest

on the episode after Genesis and I ask Aiden, Hey bro, how, how'd you do it? The tournament. It's just like, Jesus Christ.

It is Nivison. Ted pulls up subway surfer on his phone. For real. What if it, what if you're just like explaining, like you're pouring your heart out and he's like, yeah, but I mean,

a chic, you just got to hit those edge guards. We're like, that's right, Ted. That's right. Tell him. My goat. You just got to do it. I think the event was cool because I think we should do more taking two big titles and

making one event for two of them. I think that was cool. Like COD being there and also. It was three. It was COD Guitar Hero. Right, right. And Guitar Hero. But I'm saying like, I'm saying like i'm saying like i

don't think it would be equally as cool to take two titles the size of guitar heroes community and combine it with melee like i want to take communities the size of cod and combine them with melee events like guitar in there was cool it was cool it was it was really fun i was like i was glad i went because it had like con vibes. Like instead of a tournament, Smash tournaments, it's like maybe you go to a big one like Smash Con, which has con in the name or like Genesis. There's like people cosplaying kind of and shit. And there's like this con feel to it, you know, convention. But this one was way more like, well, they had the Jack Link Sasquatch.

He was running around. All I saw was pictures. I didn't watch a lick of the event. All I saw was Jack Link Sasquatch, man. of the event. All I saw was Jack Link's Sasquatch Man. That was funny. But, like, if people were... Him standing behind D's. I kept seeing that photo.

People were there to hang out. They definitely didn't understand, like, the Jack Link squad. That was bad. They did not understand what a tournament was or, like, the etiquette. Because they were, like, fucking with people, like, while they played. Really? Yeah, and it was, like, becoming a problem. Yeah, I would have swung on Jack Link's man. You would while they played. Really? Yeah. And it was like becoming a problem. Yeah.

I would have swung on Jack Nance, man. You would have slept him. Oh, yeah. You would have slept him and the lightning bolt. Dude, I don't know. He was like.

Yes, you saw my Instagram story. You like me, don't you? Yeah, I do. He was like 6'4". Yeah. He sleeps him. He sleeps him. Yeah, but he has no

mental understanding of like force and power. But that's what, no, he has no mental understanding of like social etiquette. Or tactics. That's what makes him powerful he's like uh he's like freak the mighty yeah i just get under him i roll under him like link in the final fight and then i cut his tail off but there's a part where you have to double roll you do have to

double roll and he knows that too he's like it's the noisy what do you guys do this weekend we haven't seen dubbin in a week. I saw Eamon every now and then. I touched his body while he's working out. He did do that. I hit a blunt, freaked my shit.

You hit a, that's right, Zipper. Zipper made it sound like he got punched like a, like a golden eye character. You hit a blunt?

Uh, no, I bought a new TV. That was, wait, what? I bought a new TV. You bought a new, bigger TV.

I've been saying I've hit a blunt and freaked my shit all week. It's just a phrase that's been going in my head. Right. And I like saying it. Haven't hit a blunt yet. But you do freak your shit. Don't look at me after saying it. Don't look like that.

No, I haven't hit a blunt yet. I hate that. That's like how a Senate candidate would say, I haven't had an interblend yet. The camera's on and he's like... Me and Slime in the hotel room at like 2 a.m. We were watching Ridiculousness and we were just doing impressions of Rob Dyrdek

being so mean to Chanel West Coast. And we did it for like two hours. It was so long. We just kept bringing it up. We were like, welcome back to ridiculousness. Yo, Chanel, why you smell like that? What's that smell? What's that smell? And she's like, what smell, Rob?

And Steve was like, yo, Chanel, though. You smell like shit. Let me rewind that. And then it's like, alright, here comes Bill Cosby on ridiculousness. And he's like,, all right, here comes Bill Cosby on Ridiculousness. Like, oh, Chanel! It's a mouthful! He was doing Bill... With the pudding and the pop.

He was doing Bill Cosby on Ridiculousness. Why? Bullying. He's not on Ridiculousness. That's why it's imagination. He never wins. He never wins.

He'll die in jail. That's why we had to create it for ourselves because it hasn't happened yet. Is he not dead? He's in jail. He's still alive in jail, right? He's dead to create it for ourselves. Is he not dead? He's in jail. He's still alive in jail, right? He's dead in human consciousness.

What if for the celebrities that have done egregious, horrible shit, instead of putting them in jail, we fired them into space? Or we make a reality show with them that they don't get to profit off of. They're forced to be on ridiculousness. Forever and ever. And all the money from those shows goes to the victims and he talks about Chanel the whole time and they just roast Chanel as a wait he's out of prison?

no way he might be on ridiculousness he was published 2021 dude he was only in prison for three years? man what a baby bid bro he probably had xbox in there too he probably had xbox there, too. He probably had Xbox. And he's probably a nasty.

Ah, but the other day when you do the kickflip and put me on the show, what you know? Bro. Holy shit. And Steelo would rewind. Yeah, this is about what we were doing. We can do this for the whole podcast. We can do... You're going podcast. We can do this.

You're going to start touring? That's crazy. Who is going to watch Bill Cosby? Who's like, thank God. You can tell Sage, like, I've been away for a while. I'm back. Well, the overlap's not one-on-one of people who like Bill Cosby and people who know what he did.

That would be kind of nuts. I think he is arguably more famous for the horrific things he did now I don't think that's true I think he's one of the few he's like Harvey I think he reached the like Harvey Weinstein actually maybe Harvey Weinstein reached the Bill Cosby tier Harvey Weinstein for sure because

he wasn't in front of camera but Bill Cosby show was on for like 30 years I think the crimes are like so horrific at some point where they become. I think you'll find that reported on. It was big news. I'm thinking about anybody who loved Bill Cosby. Anybody who knew him for primarily his work was a big Bill Cosby fan is probably more likely to be the recipient.

So you think 100% of the people who watched Bill Cosby and liked him growing up knew about this or know about this? I think more people know him for his crimes than his work now. Especially as time passes. Because you're talking about people who didn't watch him. I'm talking about the people who did watch him.

70 year old boomers. Unless they're in a wheelchair just like... It's not 100%. Unless they are in a wheelchair, just like... It's not 100%. Unless they're in a wheelchair. It's not 100%. Which is a clause that always exists with competition. It's called the Venn diagram wheelchair relationship. It's in math.

That's why there's two circles in a Venn diagram. If you want me to say it's not 100%, I'll give you that. I think it's not only not 100%, I think it's enough that he could tour one city. He could get one city. My question is, how come Aiden never took his bill cosby poster down mmm Why did you big he has a fat head in his room? You got like a really cool sweater on it You did like that sweat separate art from I have seen a cosby sweaters like ironically vintage Thrifted cosby sweaters in public. I mean if you if you have a sweater named after your style

That's you know that's pretty wait what's a cosby sweater it's like the like this like the just the knit sort of pattern yeah yeah sweater you ask any zoomer about what about oj simpson for one they have to know who that is which is likely but they also have to know that he was a football player yeah and not only a football player but he has the highest rushing average per game of any player all the time. No way. I'm thinking 14 games. He rushed 2,000.

Wait, what was it? Maybe 2,000 yards? He did insane shit. A lot of yards. The juice. Crazy. He's in Fortnite. Well, he was going through.

No, he's not. You can get any NFL jersey in Fortnite and put any number on it. No way. So Connor eats pants. Wow. That's why he had that? Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You can get any NFL jersey in fortnight and put any number on it. No Car snaps sometimes he's an OJ man. He did he's good. He did go through like a rebrand The game doesn't let you get into the the bronco as oj it just says no yeah like the button doesn't work it flips over to unlock it this is boomership man that was like that was like our our parents

generation of like making fun of a meme which is like oj guys you heard of that right like in the office or something and it's like man we were starved back then well yeah i was thinking there's a youtube video it's uh people finding out about princess diana's death and it's like a party in the 90s it's like six people and then and then somebody's like princess diana died and then everyone's like what no and there's like no way for them. And then everyone's like, what? No. And there's no way for them to pull out a phone and look it up. So they're all just slowly coming to terms and believing this person.

And they're just like wracked with sorrow from it. Dude, that would have been so cool back then. Yeah, that would be my evil. If I went back in time, I wouldn't kill Hitler. I would go to like the mid 90s and I'd be like, elephants can fly now. Or guess what? Savage Garden just got into a fatal car accident.

Your favorite band. Wow. Such a small group of people would be overly sad. Not in the 90s. A small group compared to the 90s world. I Want You was a huge hit. They'd be like, Darren Hayes is finally dead? No. It reminds me of back when we shot and killed Osama Bin Laden,

Samber Frag. Right. What? Nothing. I remember where I was. You do. I do. We all kind of do.

I was in the car in the morning when I heard it on the radio. I remember where I was. I was looking down the barrel of a sniper rifle. That's where I was. He wasn't shot with a sniper. I was still the car in the morning when I heard it on the radio. I remember where I was. I was looking down the barrel of a sniper rifle. That's where I was. He wasn't shot with a sniper rifle. I didn't take the shot. I'm making all my calls. All right, he's opening the op-ed to take the shot.

That's someone 360'd Osama with a.50 cal. That's why one of the helicopters crashed when they did it. They were going for some crazy shit He's like the second or third episode this month We talked about Osama Yeah he's a generational talent So okay But uh

There was a guy I remember On Twitter Who was like The whole internet Cause it happened at night When Obama announced that we got him And uh and on twitter there was a guy everyone's talking about it's like oh my god but there was one guy who was like

uh in new york can't find a hot dog stand anywhere and he just didn't like know yet and that's what he just sent out and tweeted like probably in frustration and he was like the one guy up yeah who just didn't know or knew and didn't give a shit because he wanted a hot dog so bad. That'd be beast. That is beast. He's like, I have my own priorities. Hot dog situation

doesn't really matter. Osama was always temporary, but hot dogs forever. Well, they should be in Manhattan. If I'm hungry, I have the capacity to not give a shit

about basically anything. You think so? Yeah, yeah. You come up to me and you're like, everyone you know is dead now. If I haven't eaten in like 24 hours,

I'm like, I want a fucking bagel bite. Yeah. If cyborg Osama Bin Laden walked through that door, but you hadn't had your coffee yet, he's like... It's like... Where's the visual boy advance emulator? Not before my macchiato.

I want to play Final Fantasy Tactics. I plan the downfall of the West. How did we get here? Cyborg. Today's podcast is brought to you guys by Cash App. It's got the tools for saving, spending, and sending. It's an all-in-one way to control and grow your money. And now, Nick, you were telling me about... yeah, someone tried to break into my car. No dude. That's bad and they fail

Yeah, good. It was good, and I was like champion my car won the battle versus the guy who tried to or girl I'm not sure you could have a video of them failing Trying it kind of looks like they tried to use a pencil or something. They left holes, but no. The holes are really tiny. The holes are really tiny. What if a caped superhero crusader stopped them from doing that? And that's why they failed.

Maybe one of the alley cats outside. Maybe one of the giant jaguar cats that live in your neighborhood mauled that guy. Well, I thought that when someone just damages your, just damages your window, it's like, oh, cool, I got warranty, but I don't have warranty. And I looked at the cost of it. It's like $1,000 to fix. Oh, wow. That's so shit.

That's bad. You can't afford that. I can't afford that. He's been blowing all of his money. On eggs. Because back when my bank account was just a place I had to go and I don't want to leave the house,

I never knew how much money I had. But now that my't want to leave the house I never knew how much money I had But now that my banking is on my phone. I always know how much money I have and I'm like wow I'm spending a lot of it I should stop doing that and I am going to pay for it and fix it Ludwig that's always a great example of why you should download cash app in the App Store Google Play to see why it's the number One finance app in the US App Store clicking the link in the description below Nick is broke is about 40,000 eggs I didn't buy 40,000 eggs. I just have a problem with my car.

You have to save up your money for the eggs and to fix your window. I'm saving my money because I need to fix my car. I don't. Do you guys have eggs? You could donate. Separate question. Yeah, one egg is $12. Deal. I have the money. Alright, back to the episode.

I went back to playing video games no I got I got you are not like me for real I got a hangering this week why are you wearing I need to snap really hard

these are my running shorts I might go running later I've been running dude his his quads and I do want to hear about this but your quads in those

shorts they look like they look amazing it looks like store meat you know like they make your calves look bad how nice they are yeah i don't have great calves in the in you know in the deli section in the grocery store when they have like the the meat in like the fishnet yeah like it looks like a hot like we it looks like it looks like we could cut open sorry sorry what

does it look like you know when they wrap a turkey in fishnet and it reminds you of like, it looks like, it looks like the fucking ham in the, in the, the crystal Christmas. Yeah. Right.

The big old fat one. Yeah. It feels like you want to fuck this ham. Shut up. It doesn't have to do with fucking. And the bone comes out

and it's shiny. And then your heart grown three times. Three times. What are you playing video games like? Well, I had a busy week. We announced MXS.

Ow! We announced MXS. Stop, it hurt. What hurt? I said, ow, when you kick my back of my calf. But it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt a normal person. It hurt me.

I'm sore and tender. I played basketball yesterday. It can't hurt you because it doesn't hurt me. Basketball. That's why it's sore. You play basketball. I was athletic. I played with Hasan. I crushed basketball yesterday. It can't hurt you because it doesn't hurt me. Basketball. That's why it's sore. I was athletic. I played with Hasan. I crushed.

No. I went insane mode. What does that mean? You went insane-o-fucker mode? I'm terrible at basketball. I show up in my Slim Jim bathing suit because I didn't do laundry. And a yellow t-shirt that says, be happy. To be clear, these things are not related to you not doing laundry.

This is just your clothes. be happy to be clear it's these things are not related to you not doing laundry this is just your clothes time we encounter slim jim now i just think about how they complained about the suck of and fuckathon yeah they didn't want us to talk about the suck and fuck well no to be clear they didn't want us to not talk about it we talked about it and then they said why did you talk about the suck and fuckathon in fact nick allen got through a whole meeting and at the end of the meeting they said can we talk about the elephant in the room? What? And then Nick's like, what is that?

And he's like, the S and F-a-thon. The super fun-a-thon? That's what I said, Nick, you should have done. He should have just been like, what is that? You guys are misremembering. It was the suck and fuck contest. Yes. Which is less creative, to be honest, but I also think a thon

as a suffix is kind of washed, which is dumb because they shouldn't, they should like our good ideas. Imagine Aiden just getting fucking, just sweating for like 40 minutes. He's squealing. Sweating and squealing for you.

Well, okay, but don't you think it's a little worse in a sponsored segment? For who? The sponsor. Oh, do we remember it years later? Okay, just, you know't you think it's a little worse in a sponsored segment for who the sponsor? Oh, we remember it years later. Okay, just you know what challenge challenge we have a sponsor coming up Yeah, incorporate suckin fuck-a-thon while also getting the money from the sponsor. Oh, you accept my quest We can do it. We can do it. Oh, absolutely. I don't know what our sponsor

Insolence Ernie goes, okay absolutely i don't know what our sponsors instantly turn he goes okay how are we gonna do this one well if you guys it's okay we can't well one of those we cannot do uh but what if you guys if you're on the patreon i actually uploaded uh with my own hands i did some work on the stove and i uploaded the cut of the ad that didn't get into the last episode? Because the executives up top, and I won't name names. Wait, your fart didn't get in? Yeah. Did my fart get in? No. Did you upload both? No.

You didn't let my ass cheek sink? Yours I didn't because it wasn't as good. I know, but it was pretty good. We cut your fart. Dude, you're Ricky Bobby. I am Ricky Bobby. Shake and bake. We watch it. Yeah, you let me win once in a while. Shake and bake. Nah.

You bury that deep down. But yeah. We watched the end of Ricky Bobby in the hotel and then it just played Ricky Bobby again. Yeah. Like we tuned into the end and it just played it again. So then we just watched it. That's weird. TV is so fucked right now. Also, that was a bit in Tim and Eric's movie where Will Ferrell oddly enough

He sits down. He's the mall manager and Tim and Eric. They was like you want guys wanna watch Top Gun? Oh, yeah, and they're like okay, and they watch it and then the credits roll. He's like Anyway, you're playing video games which one yeah, we deviate your calves Why are you playing video games again? Because I had a busy week. I had to fucking be working my ass off to announce MXS. I'm getting there. Because we did the moist Shopify announcement.

That was a whole heck of a lot of work. Signed all the players. Work for who? Me. What did you do besides tweet? I had to specifically deal with all the... I got all the players on board. He was in meetings the whole time we were in France. Really? 1 a.m. in France. I had to specifically deal with all the, I got all the players on board.

He was in meetings the whole time we were in France. Really? 1 a.m. in France. I'm walking around. I haven't eaten a lick. I'm at a croissant stand. Cyborg-o-sama is walking down the street. I don't care. Barely towards you.

I don't care because I'm so hungry. Go for monsieur. Go for monsieur. And I'm on a call with Flyer. And then mid-conversation I'm like, excuse-moi, excuse-moi, like, in the conversation I'm like, sorry, Flyer, what were we talking about?

Really quick, if I'm Cyborg Osama Bin Laden, you're on a street in France and I'm speeding at you, what do you scream in France? Charlie Evers goes that way. Excuse me. In French. Excuse-moi. Oh my god. I wanted to hear what it would be like to be this guy. Excuse me. In French. Excuse moi. Oh my God.

I wanted to hear what it would be like to be this guy. Like Cyborg Osama? Yeah, and you need to scream something to stop him from running. Oh no, arrête. Cyborg Osama. Attention terrorist. Attention big pocket. He's like, where?

I did not do it. So I decided to take a load off by playing one Valorant game. That was my dream. Just one. One game of Valorant? That was it. That was your dream. Yeah, it was a treat.

It was a treat. I haven't played in like a month. I hit plat last time I played with an insane star level up and match MVP. So I wanted to play one game. I boot into the game, round three, two people DC. And then someone does, you know, slash FF on our team. Another person says no instantly. And they go, we got this guys. It's 3v5. I'm the top frag. We don't got this. I know we don't got this guys it's 3v5 i'm the top frag we don't got this yeah i know we don't got this yeah and then and then we keep playing one person returns the person who's super hyped they dc no yeah dude so they said you guys got this for sure i'm gonna go but you got it uh that's 2v5 it's it was it was no it's 3v5 then 4v5 then 3v5 from another person dcing wow uh finish out the game match mvp beast but i feel horrible i feel horrible about myself you lose though you lose the game i'm tilted i i auto pop q again i'm like bring me right back when you rage i shouldn't i

shouldn't do this you're so human because i have to wake up at nine and it's like already midnight but i i repop i get into a game the sage who was the same sage that dc'd last time on my team 500 ping i'm like it's the same sage so i go on i'm just upset i'm like why did you why did you recue why did you do this insane to recue this is on voice yes and then and then someone else just types in chat and they're like yeah why sage and i was like i was like okay i have support in this we go like oh four in the first few rounds i'm bot frag and then at some point we get an eco kill and i pick up the phantom and someone goes and comes like i said drop that and i'm like no i won't drop it i die with it hurt

people hurt big mistake big mistake yeah i find out that that sage and two other people were all on a call together and they spend their time harassing me by just popping sky flashes in front of me and walling me off with Sage and slowing me. And it broke me. And I alt F4. I'm like, I can't. I respect that. And then I stop and I wait, I wait, I take a deep breath.

I put on, I put on a little music and I'm like, I go back in. I go back in and they just start chirping. They're like, oh like oh well who's back bitch oh my god dude it's a horrible game they continue to harass me the rest of the game by following me around we lose wildly and i'm like i'm like all right pop one more this game because it was because and i and i'm now plat one zero rr i'm this is the D rank game. Wow. I'm going to lose plat if I lose. I lock Jett in stuff. I don't know why.

I haven't played much Jett in my life. You also have enough space to play Jett. I don't play a lot of Jett. But I make it happen. I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to go for the op. That's it. The operation.

I will save up for the operator. I start fragging out. Okay. I get like three kills round one. I get my egos round two. I'm top frag. I'm talking to the team. They're vibing with me.

I buy my op. I just start picking people off. All you have to do is click them. You just have to click them. It's not hard. With the crosshair. It's like clicking a browser. It's like clicking Google Chrome.

I'm getting three Ks, four Ks. I'm getting like two kills per round minimum. And we barely clutch it out because we had like a 1 in 15 sage or whatever i pop off my team's like fuck yeah exit the game instantly post it on instagram beast just like this is what i do that's how i knew you were proud i saw it on your instagram this is what i do i go crazy and then and then i'm like how much rr i get and and then i look through and i like in match history it has this weird logo next to it instead of my rank. I'm like, that's weird.

I click on it. It's like unrated game. I'm like, what? So I basically spent an hour playing a grueling, almost OT game that was unrated, and I have no idea how. I think you're big. You made two big mistakes, two big blunders, if you will. I made several. Two big blunders.

One is that you decided to play Valorant to relax. You should just have booted up Pikmin. I wanted to treat myself. That's not a treat. He's still a competitor. He's still got a competitor's heart buried in there. We compete against the day when we play Pikmin. Do we?

Is that how you feel? When you play games? No, no, it's the day of the game. Oh. And you gotta fucking get all your shit done before the day's over. I thought this was like a philosophical thing about Pikmin. I thought yeah, I also read it as like- I've never played Pikmin. That's us all every time we wake up is competing against. We live Pikmin every day. Number two is being in a game. Dude, the kids are so ruthless sometimes. I was in a Valorant game, and I was like sometimes i was in valorant game and i was like

i was trying to clutch and they they were like so you know hey bro move like just they just wanted me to die so the the next round would start and i was like i don't want to do that cypher has ult and it's like cypher did have ult but then they start the rest of the game they just start shitting on me and every time i would speak they're like uh i don't know man cypher has ult we could do that and like cypher does not have alt now and they were just like every time i remember this one i remember this it was like and i was every time i spoke and then i was like okay how do i get out of this situation i was like now i say i was like cypher as alt we shouldn't do this and they're like ah you're still shit though like they didn't let me

have it their kids are really good at finding the zero sum or the end game of you just like never winning the social interaction. They're callous and evil. Yeah, they don't have empathy yet in their brain stems. Why are they so callous? Were they callous a hundred years ago? Yeah, the kids were mean. When Sai Sama comes, they're not going to know how to handle it.

They haven't been raised the right way. Sai Sama only goes for the unempathetic teens. Know that. They're going to wall him off and laugh, and then he's going to come through the wall at the Kool-Aid man. And they're going to be like, that was my only option. I'm sorry, Sai Sama. He flies a plane into the McDonald's where they're all twerking. In the riot headquarters.

And they're all charging their phone. And then finally, finally they'll learn. Sai Sama-san appears Do I was fucking Do you guys remember when we were in Japan and I was like yeah You can go on TVs and you can spend money to buy like the worst movies ever made That you guys remember that? Yeah, so I was sitting next to the actor in the movie I watched on our plane back from Texas. So the actor in the

low, micro budget. How are you positive? I'm 100% sure. Well, you're 99 because you didn't ask. So his name is Lou Diamond Phillips. He's in other movies. He was in Top Gun Maverick.

But I saw him in Metal Tornado. Which I paid 5,000 yen for. It was probably the worst movie. Yeah, because the hotel has like a default. You paid $45? No, 5,000 yen is like $25, right? No. I think he means like 40?

It's surely 500 yen. Isn't 5,000 yen like 50 bucks? 5,000 yen is like $40. He converted 5,000 yen. I thought 10,000 yen like 50 bucks? 5,000 yen is like $40. I thought 10,000 yen was like $61. $33 now. That's so bad. That's a movie. It's a hotel.

Yeah, you have to put it in the machine. There's a minimum. And you can only spend that amount. So I spent that much money. This is crazy. This is not crazy to anyone else. $33 to rent a movie is insane. It's not crazy enough to be like, besides like, damn, that's crazy.

That's crazy. That's like, you know. It is that crazy. It blew my mind. But the ceiling is capped. I spent more than I would spend on a ticket for a good movie to watch a bad movie. Yeah. And I 100% was sitting next to him.

I pulled him up, like Lou Diamond Phillips 2023 on my phone. We can check this. And I'm looking at the photo, and I'm looking at him, and I'm like, oh, it's just him. You're looking at a picture of him while you're next to him on the plane? Yes. To make sure? Yes. You're like, Liz, is this you?

And I confirmed it's him. Okay. And I didn't know what to, I didn't want to be like, hey. He's handsome for an old guy. Because you can't exactly be like, big fan. Because you're not. I saw you in Metal Tornado. That's what you should have said.

You know what he was doing? He was playing Candy Crush. That's how boomers love that game. Yeah. You should have said I saw you in Metal Tornado and he probably would have been like wow, thank you. Holy shit. It's not La Bamba. Why didn't you say anything? Well, okay, so I

was next to him, but he wasn't the seat next to me. He was the seat next to me in the row over. So like A, B, C, D. So you just got to talk in the row over so like a b c d like you just gotta talk across the aisle yeah no i just didn't want to that's different for sure that's overstepping yeah i'm like leaning over and being like are you an actor yeah i'm like a plane i don't want to like if you're next to him that's a bond forever i'm like going in the mental backlog and i don't know if i've ever had a conversation across the aisle like with a random person yeah the aisle

is a funny place it tells you it tells you that you don't really cross I've ever had a conversation across the aisle, like with a random person. The aisle's a funny place. It tells you that you don't really cross this with your voice or your mind, your soul. He's very active on Twitter. Incredibly active. You flew from Texas to LA? Yes. Okay.

He also tweeted out, I think I'm next to this guy, and then someone tagged him. Yeah, I tweeted, I'm sitting next to Lou Diamond Phillips on this plane, I think, and someone just tweeted, at Lou Diamond Phillips, look next to you. And I I tweeted, I'm sitting next to Lou Diamond Phillips on this plane, I think, and someone just tweeted at Lou Diamond Phillips, look next to you. And I was like, narc! And then Lou goes, yeah. I don't think he's

posted about anything LA related, but he does retweet a lot. Dude, this movie was so bad. It was, it was, nothing can prepare you for this. I loved every minute of this movie. I think I told you guys, it was the movie where at the end of it, spoiler alert, the tornado does not destroy America,

but it does destroy France, but they all pop off. Yes! Because they're like, yes, not America! That's also what happens in either Armageddon or Deep Impact.

One of the pieces of the meteor flies off and just destroys Paris. And it's like... What the hell? Zipper, can you find the clip Paris destroyed by comet? It's great TV, man.

Because it's like, you know... We can afford to lose them. Like, what do we lose? Yeah. Paris. Paris. We lose the Arc de Triomphe. I didn't see anything there.

I'm a Paris stan now. I didn't see anything. Friends change me. I like Paris, but it is funny to constantly blow it up in movies for fun. Yes. Like, why?

Why that city, you know? That's what's in our American heads. We should start a movie with something like a drone strike hitting the Eiffel Tower, and then just have it be about something else. I think it's because it's a love story. It's a love story between two people in America. It's reverse remember me. Yeah, exactly.

Instead of it panning out on the Twin Towers, it just starts with the Eiffel Tower falling. Imagine if in Twilight, Cyborg O'Sullivan Laden bombs the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, this is... Yeah. Is this... Boom.

You're done. Later. Oh my god. If this was happening, what would you do? What do you do in this situation so movie starts asteroid hits Paris and then it's somebody in like Austria and the ground

trembles a bit and then it's the next day of their life without knowing about this yeah we're all drops in the pond and they don't have their phones like Nick should have this morning and then someone comes over and they're like you gotta see this and they're like oh I don't have their phones. They don't have their phones. Like Nick should have this morning. And then maybe someone comes over, they're like, you gotta see this. Yeah.

And they'll be like, what? And they're like, oh, I don't know what that, what's that machine that shows you light. I'm a farmer. That's cool. I've never seen this. I'm an Austrian farmer. I've never seen technology before. We don't have this here in Austria.

You know, I took off my shirt in protest at the airport. I saw you do that in a public place. In protest of what? I was surprised nobody in the background of that photo was looking at you. Me too, I did look for that. Me too! I was starting to think we were invisible. It was crazy.

By the way, we were being treated like animals. Why did you take it off? Why did you take it off? We were being treated like captive jaguars. From the beginning. We were having a really bad day because we got to the airport like slightly late, but we were clutching it.

Like we were going to make it in time. We were going to make it through TSA. We could see our gate was so close to TSA, which is rare for LAX, that we could see it. I could spit at my gate. I could spit a big marble at it. And we have pre-check.

Yeah. So we're like, let's get the fuck through here. And we go up and they're like, hey, today only, we're not accepting mobile boarding passes. You have to go get a printed one. We had to go downstairs. So it's like a different floor.

And we're like, our gate's right there. It's about to leave. Like, can we just go? Can you just do whatever you can do? And the guy's like, no. The TSA agent with a golden front tooth said you have to go downstairs. Or answer my three riddles, which we didn't know how to do. And we fucked it up. You figured going downstairs is probably faster than three riddles. I guessed too quickly and you have to go downstairs or answer my three riddles which we just didn't know how to do it three you figured going downstairs probably faster than three i guessed too quickly and we had to go downstairs we're talking to the american airlines rep he's doing

the thing where he's typing oh my god he's not looking at us so he's typing he's like uh-uh can't do it no i'm not the guy and then he starts to like i can tell he starts to lie like he's like you know what like i know you're right, I know what you're saying definitely happened. But like, I just can't fix it. I'm like, don't baby me. He was like, so TSA was like, it's American Airlines. They're the ones that are doing this. And we go down and talk to this guy.

And he's like, it's TSA, man. Like, they're making us do this. And I'm like, what did you have? And so Slime says what any rational person would say. And he says to the guy, I'm not kidding. He says, someone at American Airlines is a pedophile. No. Yes.

No. What the hell? Which the guy at this point is still typing. He goes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, it was so funny. He's prepared to say yes to anything we say. Dude, he's battle-hearted. Holy shit.

Dude, if he doesn't bat an eye at that, imagine what people are saying. Yeah, you're a tenth of a Karen. I know. Of what he's done. I wasn't trying to make his day worse. He was actually working with us. He changed our flight.

It was really easy. But I was in general like, how did this happen? Why didn't they take our thing? And he's like, it just happens sometimes. And I'm like, someone at this company up top is a pedophile. And he's like, oh, it just happens sometimes. And I'm like, someone at this company up top is a pedophile. And he's like, yeah, it was. I was like, this guy just wins. And then we go and there's someone who's helpful.

There's someone's job. It is to guard like the escalators. And we go and not us, but someone asked the person, how's your day today? And he was like, fucking awful. He just like fucking miserable. But they're all having the worst day ever. We finally get up. We get through security through security we miss our flight and so we're like fuck all right and so our next flight is at like 4 30 it's like two hours later um so we're

going and we walk by this restaurant like what is it like sammy's pizza or something yeah pizza wood fired pizzas and sammy's and slime points like i want to eat here now and how many points did i'm like yeah yeah sure let's do it we go and they specify you cannot order anything on the left half of the menu do you still want to eat here and so it's only pizzas

none of the other things I'm like yeah sure whatever we go we sit down skipping a large chunk of the story we sit down and no one is coming

to wait on us and you know we're just kind of chilling and so after maybe about 15 minutes 15 20 minutes of waiting i flagged down the the waiter and i'm like hey uh when you have a chance can we order and he goes yeah yeah sure thing be right back leaves and didn't never comes back never comes back and now that the clock is ticking so much that we're like all right how far can this

go because he has acknowledged us we've been waiting for a while we're like, all right, how far can this go? Because he has acknowledged us. We've been waiting for a while. We're like, let's see. Because we felt kind of shamed. Now we're about 25, 30 minutes in. It was a long time. No one's asked us what we want. We're holding the menus up like Sims. They were doing this.

We're going, hmm. I think I know I want this. People were being seated next to us and served. And the guy is closer to Nick than I am to Nick. And he's just not noticing. After about 30 minutes, a full family gets sat down next to us and gets their order taken and gets their food. Before we have been asked what we want. And we're like, okay.

So Slime says, I've had enough. And he takes off his shirt. I was like, surely this will get someone's attention. So he's shirtless in Walmart and we're sitting there. One of the owners of this restaurant

is a pedophile. It was kind of like that. And he keeps looking over at people's, people keep getting served their food and he'll look over and be like,

that looks good. And he'll look over the guy next to him. The guy next to him left and left scraps behind. He's like, I'm going to eat his scraps. With your shirt off?

With your shirt off, yeah. I'm just like hollering. He's taking like selfies of himself in the restaurant with his shirt off. There's people in the back. No one's turning their head except for one guy

who kind of looked at him and was like, huh, and then turned back. I think we ended up tallying up the full amount of time. It was an hour and... It was an hour and change.

It was like an hour and 20 minutes. It was like an hour and 20 minutes. It was a feature film. They come over and they go, man, you got to put your shirt on. Dude, the guy, it's like a new guy. The waiter that we had sat us down and was taking everyone's order,

he kind of disappeared. And now a new guy came and he's like, you got to put your shirt on. Everyone's talking about it. He said every... Wait, he said that yeah yeah did he really yeah i swear to god he said it to my face and i was like really and he's like yeah you gotta come on put it on and i'm like okay and i just did it immediately and then he explains to us that he's like if whenever you guys are ready to order i'm at the bar so technically we're at the bar and i think the guy the waiter like it didn't process in his brain and something i don't think it's really anyone's fault but we

definitely want to see how what what kind of evil like zone we got put in we were being incredibly petty for one thing we acknowledge that we were being petty you said it at the bar makes this so much no no no it wasn't no sorry the thing it wasn't a bar we weren't at the bar it was like a bar that faces the window. We're on the opposite side of a restaurant, basically. We're not touching the bar. We're not even connected to the bar, which is why we didn't think we were at the bar.

The saving grace of all this is that the waiter came over and I'm like, oh, can we get our order taken? He said, yes, I'll be right back. He was going to do it. Yeah, that's what fucked everything up. He wasn't like, oh, go to the bar and order. And then it was naked time. You got food?

Eventually, yeah. So tell me, did I do the right or wrong thing? I want you guys to tell me. Because I've been thinking about it a lot. Slime tried to take his pants off. Not my boxers, just my pants. Just his pants. He tried to get almost completely naked.

Right. And we're next to a full family. Okay, with children? With children, two children. But I'm, he's... Right, so there is a pedophile in the family. Okay, with children? With children. But I'm, he's... Right, so there is a pedophile in the restaurant. No, no, no, listen. They have to become the pedophile to beat the pedophile. If the family is the queen,

Nick would be the bishop and I am the rook, right? So he's blocking. I shouldn't say blocking. We're both rooks. Do you think in the game of chess, if the bishop turned over, he wouldn't see the rook because the big fat queen is in the way? No, no, no. Sorry.

Listen, listen. It goes queen and then Nick's the rook and then I'm the rook. And we're both. And you're blocking. And no, no. Nick's blocking. Right. Nick's blocking.

I don't know what blocking means. What are you thinking? He's saying that I'm sitting between him and the family so they can't really see him. Right. But I think anyone could see him't really see him. Right. But I think anyone could see him if they wanted to. Also I'm like wearing boxer briefs. Right. You know. Which he

was citing as a reason this is okay. I generally think that you could have gotten blocked from that airport for life and it would be reasonable. You say that airport like it's some indie airport yeah i didn't know what a little spot that's why it's more damaging actually getting banned from lax would hinder your life in the future no slime slime starts to take his

pants off he wasn't like i want to take my pants off he starts taking his pants off and i i like nudge my leg into his pants so he cannot remove them any further. And I'm like, you can't do that. It sounds like you guys are trying to freak your shit at this restaurant. On top. You guys should have left. Yes. We were hungers.

Well, we, this is the petty part was that we were like, how long can they fuck us? Yeah, no, that's fair. Will they fuck us until we leave? Would you have done this if the podcast didn't exist? It's a great question. We actually talked about the whole time how we probably wouldn't tell this story we wouldn't tell this story but yeah i would bro we were doing this shit we got up some shit like this isn't the craziest thing in the world i've done this very similarly actually i was at an airport

with my ex maybe 10 years ago and we were like ordering food and they brought out like i don't know bread and like a salad and then they just ghosted they were just gone for like an hour and we just left you dine and dash i dine and dash so that's what we talked about too if this bar system wasn't a thing and that we weren't technically wrong because we had to go up and like turn around and walk over to the food place we probably would have done it did you get something before what did you like get something to dine and dash no yeah we ended up getting food finally right right i see yeah that's the only time i've done and dashed because i just had to make my flight and they were just gone they were the only people in the restaurant what we were talking about a fun

thing about being a server in an airport it's like it doesn't really matter also like no one can hurt you yeah no one can hurt you you you have a shit job it's not only you're serving but you're in an airport where everyone's busy everyone's sort of like transient there's no joy to be had in an airport restaurant so it's like yeah okay oh you got mad're going to go on a plane and leave forever. And forget. Yeah. And I was saying like, I would never leave like a bad review on a restaurant, but I couldn't do that.

Like I couldn't leave a bad review on an airplane restaurant and have like an airport restaurant have any effect on their clientele. People go there because they have to. Yeah. Nobody looks up the reviews. They're invincible. Yeah. And that's like a beautiful, like it's honestly, if you're a server or your staff,

you're like in a beautiful position of like, I come, I do my job, and I fucking go home. It's like the Baratie. My favorite sponsor of this podcast is this one, Factor. And this is not a lie, because I eat it all the time. And so does my assistant, Nick Yingling. And he's getting real fit for me. He looks good. He looks really good.

He looks so good. Your career's built on Factor in a way. Don't play favorites, by the way. The only way you can play favorites with someone like Nick Yingling is when... So the thing is, with these meals, you have to kind of savor them, right? And there's two ways to savor a Factor meal. Is that right? There's two ways to savor them this fall season?

You can kind of suck it. Sure, yeah, because the factors are fresh, never frozen, so in two minutes in the microwave, you could suck it down. You want to suck it down. That's so good. But there's also a way to like, there's a way to really get aggressive with a factor meal that are so good because you pop it out of the microwave and you feel like you just want to like, right?

Right. You want to just, right? Right. What? You want to just like, ah. Well, you could get a bit aggressive with it in terms of like the selections that you pick. Cause they have keto, calorie smart, protein. Like you don't have to just get the basics. But the thing is.

Is that what you mean when you're saying aggressive? Well, I do. I do think something like that, but also eating, eating these delicious meals every time. It's almost like you're in competition with yourself. Oh, right. And you kind of got to choose whether you want to almost like you're in competition with yourself. Oh, right. And you kind of got to choose whether you want to suck or you want to, you know, get the factor meal aggressively. And the amazing thing is that both win the competition.

Both win the competition. And it's kind of how you decide to do it. But you are the winner every time with factor in this sort of competition. You got apples and pancakes. You got bacon and cheddar egg bites prepared by chefs approved by dieticians you're the winner because they got so many choices to pick from and they can cater to your needs and you can get meals that are good and track your macros easily so you can get your needs catered i i like to suck mine down after doing really great for two minutes just really get in there more of a basically with factor you're winning the competition

of your own life well how about you guys get out there and win the competition by going to factor meals.com slash the yard 50 use code the yard 50 to get 50 off your first box that's code the yard 50 at factor.com number 50 america's number one ready to eat meal kit that's our country what is a baratie? It's a It's a ship That has a restaurant on it That like moves around So you can't never really like

Leave a complaint What do you mean moves around? It's like Like it floats It goes like port to port Oh like in Wind Waker? I don't know

You never played Wind Waker? Never Finished it There's a guy that sells shit In a boat I've never beat it I got lost Swimming around the ocean And I gave up You sells shit in a boat. I've never beat it. I got lost swimming around the ocean and I gave up.

You didn't get the boat? Yeah, I got the boat. He's bad at games. That's why you didn't play. I'm not bad at games. You just played normal games. He top-fragged in an unrated game. I top-fragged in the non-unrated one too and the rated one was a match MVP of both.

In the unrated game? Did I bring up my controller game on the podcast? Did I talk about that? No, I don't think so. I played a controller game of Valorant. I plugged a controller in to see what it was like. I played with Ryan, and I top racked. Oh.

I got 26 kills. I'm like that. And I was like, I get Dazzler. His successes don't make me happy. You pick Judge. Yeah, yeah. You pick Judge, and you just play Cod. Yeah, that makes sense.

It makes more sense when you're shotgunning. Were you smurfing? Were you smoothing? Oh, for sure, yeah. But it was unrated. It's still hard. What if the four of us got we were called the shirts off? The pose off close off the pose off close like we we run rampant in Los Angeles at X International Airport Can we let's do it at like John Wayne? Yeah? Go to LAX and we

Somewhere where we don't need to go in the future. We go to LAX and we go to Long Beach. Long Beach. We'll go to Long Beach Airport and do it. Give me Santa Ana. Let's get crazy at Ontario Airport. And we go to Long Beach and we, no, we go to LAX and we sample every restaurant, but in our shirt, just our shirts off. Okay.

Yeah. And people see us coming and we're like the four horsemen. We should go to LAX and see how long we can stay there before they kick us out. Oh, like the Yes Theory video, except it's a shit airport. But theirs wasn't that, right? Theirs was like, we just have to be here for 72 hours and we leave. I don't know what Yes Theory is. There's a different one where somebody stays in the Singapore airport for like a week.

But it's like, you're just staying in what is what is it? Luxury. What is like a resort. We do last to leave LAX wins. Ooh. Now we're cooking. Yeah. And you only get a limited amount of money, so you'll have to start busking. Yeah.

You have to start busking. I'd be big book it. Big book it. I would steal it. We buy like neck pillows and we resell them outside of Terminal 4. Dude, they would tackle you. You fuck with their bread of those little shops, they will cut your head off.

You know what I didn't realize? So I needed a belt at an airport and I tried to get one. And I went to the international area because they have all the fancy stores there. And I was like, can I buy a belt? And they said, no, you need a ticket. And I was like, what? A plane ticket? You need a plane ticket? That's an international flight. Yeah, because you need to get through i was like a plane ticket plane ticket that's an international

security to get to the store i was already through security because i had a domestic flight i landed i walked to the international terminal but i was so you didn't have an outbound ticket you landed but you were you were past security you were fucking around in there i was fucking around in there so you made it to a shop i was in the terminal i was already in there and then we're like can i buy something yes i was like i would like to buy this belt and they said oh we could I was fucking around in there So you made it to a shop I was in the shop I was already in there And then were like Can I buy something Yes I was like I would like to buy this belt

And they said Oh we could not sell You need your international ticket And I said Could I buy an international ticket Right now And then buy the belt And they said

And they said Also no We would have to ship it To the gate you leave from For you to pick up What And I was like This is so insane

Who is spending money here It It's because it's duty free. Are they laundering money? It's duty free. Yeah, but was this in the US? What's poop being in it have to do with it? It's got none of it. It was in the US, yeah. There's a bunch of speckles of poop on his belt. It's because you don't pay taxes and there's some fucking rules that they follow.

Oh, so taxes are just something you wave off and think. Actually, yeah. I don't know how it works. You just don't pay taxes if you think Actually yeah I don't know how it works You just don't pay taxes if you're flying I don't know why it works Because you're leaving the country It's anytime you're at a terminal Or like a departure place that leaves the country You can skip paying taxes

They have like duty If you drive across the border like into Canada They have duty free shops on the border That you're allowed to hit as you leave the country What's the goal what's the it's a it's about the ins and outs of money leaving or entering a country and some of us care about that yeah because i can't carry more than 10 g's some of us yeah you and your you and your 10 maltese bank accounts wouldn't wouldn't care about that would you or your 10 maltese dogs hey

fuck you by the way because at the last episode, I said, hey, welcome back to the art episode 104. And you went, it's not 104. And it was. 114. 114, excuse me, yeah. It wasn't 104. It was 114, though.

And I said that, and you called me wrong. And I was right. Welcome back to the art episode 115. It's so annoying how the only thing you pride yourself on in this show is knowing what episode it is. I don't pride myself on much. It's good though.

I'm a simple man, an honest man who likes what he's good at. Do you think you're honest? I think I lie a lot. When's the last time you lied to your girlfriend's face? Good question. Oh, lied to her face. You told her something that wasn't true. You looked at her in her eyes.

You thought about your love together and then you lied to her. I took her car today without asking. Does that count? No, no, no. No. That's just deception. Because you told her immediately you did it. Yeah, but I didn't tell her until she called me. That's not a lie. Uh, God. Everyone else go around.

When's the last time you lied to your girlfriend? I would never do that. Sometimes I forget to tell her she's beautiful. Yeah? And that means a lie. And it's the lie of silence. Yeah. The lie of not saying anything. Guilty as charged. She brought me through some

I don't know what you call them mindfuck of a game that was like, okay it's like the If I Was a Worm. But it was like a much more like insanely fucked up one. It was like a high elo if I was a worm. Okay, we're in a world where you love worms in general and I become a worm. Yeah.

Do you love me more than normal worms? Do you love me more than other worms? She was like, would you marry me and have babies with me if I was a larva? And I was like, no, but I'd carry you around and then she's like you're supposed to say you'd turn me back that's evil now I just lie so you just say yeah of course I would find I just actually just make it up I'm like no i'd have superpowers and i'd turn you back into a human and then if i ever wanted i could snap and become a larva myself too to join you in the larva world and i just make it up and we have larva cars and she does she like this yeah

she does she's like oh i just do that now man oh you know what they want by the way let me turn everybody on i've already turned you to what females want to what they want, by the way? Let me turn everybody on. I've already turned you two on. To what females want? To what females want. Fem! Fellas. So I can't get that one more time, Nick. Fem! Yeah, yeah. So we're talking about females today on this podcast.

As is now! Sponsored by Jack Links. Get some. Fellas, y'all got ladies and y'all got protein from Jack's links. But what you don't have is a successful marriage. All right? And the way you get that is with a boo basket. I saw this.

Have you heard of this technology? No, I saw what it was. It did put me on game. Here's the thing about women. What about them? They love the fall. Tell me about women, Ludwig. There's only two types of women.

Okay. Fall women, Halloween women. That's it. That's all. Isn't it weird? How do you feel like the Venn diagram is actually... If you put an AK-47 in a wicker basket... Single guy.

Single guy. No, he has no idea. Aren't they the same woman? Yeah, single guy. That's why. Okay? They're different women. You need to learn the difference.

What is spookier? If you ever want to get married. Is it to a fall girl or a Halloween girl? Halloween. I hope you're right. Fall. Because if she hears this, she's like, oh my God. The real answer is she's a summer.

I'm fall. But between the two. There's only two women. All right. So Young Money Halloween. I believe that. There's a third. No, I'm with you.

I'm with you. There's no complexity. It wouldn't go that deep. You sound like a crazy person. No, no. I'm like, dude, I'm just, the crew, and we're just hanging out. We're at the mall. Women fall into a strict binary. I get it.

There's a huge trend. Hundreds of millions of views. Hundreds of millions of guys on TikTok getting their SOs boo baskets. Okay. And they're either themed fall or Halloween, and it's basically like a little wicker basket. This is their Roman Empire. Go ahead. Filled with cute little goodies

like a stocking but for the October, September season. Oh, you just make a boo basket section like Michael's or Hobby Lobby

and it just imprints money. So is the boo basket something you create custom made to order for your wife? Yes. You can't like order curate the red I'd although who was I talking to so I was talking to someone about this and like can I just like buy the basket?

Is there like just a link that's like just click it and buy it. I was like, it's really easy You just check out like five things is there a link? I do want to know if there's a link. For data purposes. It's really easy. You just get a little wicker basket. You get like a blanket. And then I got socks.

I got Crocs with fall gibbets. But I fucked up. Oh. And here's my extra tip. You need a little treat in there. Something to snack on. Something to snack on. Because otherwise they start chewing on the blanket.

They get confused. They're like, where's my snack? Hey, hey, no. I'm going to eat this entire meek blanket. Get that out of your mouth. So QT ate the whole blanket. Yeah. And by the end I was like, should have had a small little treat.

The little blanket was in the basket. Blankets, fall things. A cup, a mug that says, I fall for you every day for you and if not i kill myself if i don't i go jump off cfl what do you do what uh what would be in your guys's boo baskets if if we got them for each other like this for each other five packs of marlboro nick's boo basket is just a bunch of liquor and a carton of cigarettes. I don't think he gets the boo basket concept. Mine would, yeah. Why is that Nick's?

Because fuck it. Right. Party time. Ball theme. First of all, so I'm a Halloween guy. Party time. So give me one blunt. And a view. And then I want a DVD of Sophie's Choice.

Okay, you get, in your boo basket, it's Sophie's Choice, a blunt. Huge blunt. A desert eagle. And then one of those. And he'll freak that shit. One of those, like, half dome, like, strobe lights. Okay. Because I'm going to throw that on while watching Sophie's Choice.

I'm simple. I want five words. The three, first three are Rick and Morty. I'll let you guess the second two words. Weed pen. We'm simple. I want five words. The first three are Rick and Morty. I'll let you guess the second two words. Weed pen. Weed pen. I would get Aiden. In your boo basket, it's basically

your boo basket would basically be your entire PC setup but just a jumbled mess of cables and peripherals. You don't know what a boo basket is. No, that's Halloween theme. It's your favorite thing ever. mess of cables and peripherals. You don't know what a boo basket is. It's your favorite thing ever. Because the cable management is spooky. It's your

favorite thing ever and this is a signifier of our love and we're like, why did you unplug on my shit? What does a Halloween boo basket look like? As opposed to like a fall one? Yeah. There's candy in it? It's filled with live worms. Tiny little ceramic pumpkins. Is it meant to be scary or like Halloween themed? I think it just, there's candy in it. It's filled with live worms. Tiny little ceramic pumpkins. Is it meant to be scary or like Halloween themed?

I think it's Halloween themed. I think it's like maybe more pumpkin-y. This is such bullshit. You're such an idiot. And I don't subscribe to this fucking, this cuck theory that it's either fall or Halloween. This just looks like what you get at a birthday party. You think this is a cuck theory? When you're 11.

These are what the liberal soy cucks talk about. Because you know what? A Halloween person and a fall person are the same guy. They're different. No. Yes. No, bitch. What about a pagan who loves the fall?

We should go give out boo baskets at Venice Beach because all women are beautiful. They all deserve to have a good fall. That's a great idea, but I already did that a lot. Now that he's posited his cuck theory, I feel like maybe you're trying to

just emasculate me. I'm lost. I didn't follow. You're getting cucked? You're taking away my manhood by making me do the boo basket thing. Right, and you'd rather

have your woman... Unhappy, because that's masculine. She has to, when you stand next to her, she has to be a diagonal line. My women, my women should love me because of my pheromones, not because I bought her a basket. Your pheromones and your hunter eyes? She is naturally attracted to the way I smell biologically, and not a basket I bought her.

Take off his glasses, he does not have hunter. Oh god No, you look like bro from recess I wish there was there bald people in recess I'll do it cuz we're on a show and I hold up and I'll compare myself Yeah, he's like the tattletale kid The tiny eyes yeah Only on the bottom on the right side zipper on the the third one in the row All the way all the way all the way he's got the cups

where'd you guys go yo how many fingers am i holding yo a little respect on his name he's not the title bro he he fucking stands up right there he is kind of stands up with the pop collar he's kind of this is i think an episode where he took the glasses off because it made him a nerd and he wanted to be cool. Call Me Guy is the name of it. Call Me Guy instead of Gus Griswold. I remember that episode.

I am kind of the TJ Detweiler of my own life, aren't I? Yeah, you do wear a red hat. Obviously hope. Well, who are you? The TJ Detweiler of my life. No, you're that big guy. Mikey. You're Mikey.

Why? It always sounds like he's crying. Why am I the big guy? What do you think? Yeah, you're that big guy. Mikey. You're Mikey. Why am I the big guy? What do you think? Can you just pull up all recessed characters? Is it because he sings very well? Yeah, Ludwig, that's why. And it's not because of your fucked up frame. Okay, so Aiden is obviously the tall girl with glasses.

Yeah, Nick is Spinelli. I'm the small guy with glasses. You could also be Spinelli. Yeah. Ludwig is the big oafish idiot, and I'm the small guy with glasses. You could also be Spinelli. Yeah. Ludwig is the big oafish idiot and I'm TJ. Stop that. No, I'm not the big oafish idiot. No, you're tall, you're tall, you're tall, you're tall.

I'm not that tall. W, W, W, Wig. I'm the guy playing basketball. Zipper weed? Zipper flash is a Fight Club frame of backwards blunt wraps. Rick and Morty backwards. Zipper pulls up pictures and starts slobbering like a dog. Get riggity riggity wrecked, son.

Dude, you can get fucking blunt baskets. Blunt baskets. Oh, wow. Which type of girl is that? That's a good question. If they have dreadlocks, you get them a blunt basket. If it's your white girlfriend with dreadlocks, you get them an ounce of nug. If your girl looks like Riff Raff, you buy them a freaking body weight pen.

The third woman. Riff Raff. Hello, thank you to the sponsor of today's episode, MeUndies. Underwear that's so comfortable, Aiden, it almost feels like you got nothing on. It almost feels like you're not even wearing them. Like you have nothing there. Like you wouldn't even remember sometimes. You might just go right there. You might just sit down on a toilet seat

still wearing them like, oh, I didn't realize I had a body. You might not even have a toilet seat, but you're standing up. You're standing up somewhere thinking about going to the bathroom, not even realizing you're wearing them. Does that sound like something you'd like to do, Aiden? Something that you relate to? I would never... I always double check if I have something on before i go to the bathroom

do you spooky seasons here so it would be a bit of a spook if you shit yourself standing up outside of our warehouse as an adult none of us have done that as a grown human being whose bones are no longer growing anymore i am 26 years old that's an adult and if you did do it you'd probably watch it because me undies are so comfortable and nice and ship right to your door monthly. It's a good thing that they ship monthly to Aiden's door because otherwise he'd be running through them. Because he'd be out. What a month he's shitting in.

They have interesting styles and patterns each month. Aiden has the martini goosh pants, which are a combination piece, actually. It's a collaboration. But they have a lot of others. I got little sharks Yeah, undies socks brawls and be careful this guy's shit brawls before they do a little sharks You can get the undies the socks or the bralettes which are made okay? Cuz I might hit you with my fucking poop sock after this did you know it's made from there feels like you have nothing on you Might even forget and shit yourself micro modal fabric isn't that fun that's fun look new styles aiden for you here's some new ones that you could shit

and ruin you can ship the jack attack they don't get ruined because i want to keep them you could shit the no body like you because you have an adult body that shits pants uh and the spell it out uh spell it out defecation get 20 off your first purchase plus free shipping at meandys.com slash the yard don't wait to be comfortable go to meandys.com slash the yard and you can be like Aiden but you shouldn't you shouldn't go all the way but you know what if you do shit your pants

they'll send you a new pair just send them photo evidence send photo evidence to someone at American Airlines and they will send you new underwear Anyway thanks for sponsoring We're gonna get back to the episode And Aiden's life

Can you edit Aiden shitting himself Archie Come on I I have something embarrassing To tell you guys This is good for me This started We were coming back from yosemite

me and zipper three and we had to stop at jiffy lube to get uh something in the car fixed and while we were waiting inside the car i asked her i said what would you do if i shit my pants right now good question good question just a good relationship just coming out of Do you got me yeah the back of this seat like would you would you help me up with the back of the seat? It is like a baby explosion. It's like the Oppenheimer flashes white See it before you hear it everything goes silent you see it before you hear it and I was like would you take care of me

like would you help me because I think that's the real test of a relationship right there it is and she said she would you know

it would be disgusting but she would and she said she would take me out back and hose me down right yeah

that's good like wow like an animal yeah but like I deserve in that situation probably. Because you acted like an animal.

You don't deserve it. No, no, no. He does because he acted like an animal. And then she said. No, it's not his fault. He ate something bad for his honey.

But she said she would help me. She would definitely make fun of me later. Right. After the whole interaction is over. You know, a few days pass

like returning from the trip i have encountered this week being constipated for the first time in my life and it has been awful how many days like uh it was the previous three days like prior to this and my my stomach hurt and eating sucked and everything has just been miserable for a few days and on saturday night i went to a jazz concert i went to go see harami and stanley clark and i went with cutie and a few other people really really dope show i've never seen anybody play like piano like that in my life super sick and you got poop in your ass and i i come i'm i'm constipated and i drove with cutie. Nothing a little jazz can't fix. I drop cutie off at your guys's house

And I asked cutie if she has any experience with with constipation on our drive because we have like a 30 40 minute drive together So just yeah, you ask women how their shits are yeah Have you ever had trouble? As far as I understand it- Wait pause! So you're talking to my girl about your ass? Yeah. About my ass and what it do.

What it do. What are you gonna do? Oh, what are you gonna do? Zipper cut the pot. It comes back, there's a slate and he hits a black eye. Ludwig has a black eye? He handled him. What I've realized talking to women is that a lot of women seem to have tummy problems.

They all have dealt with constipation. Hot girls have tummy problems. Your girl has tummy problems. All they eat is stuff from Sephora. Yeah. It fucks up their insides. If they stopped eating lipstick, then they would probably have wet nail polish. The bottle's like turmeric shots.

It burns. It burns. Cutie was like, I have a solution for you. I have this thing called Smooth moves tea And I think it should Really help you You drink it tonight Drink it again in the morning

And I think it should Get things moving Always works for me So Come on You're not there I'm in your house We're hanging out

And then She sends me off She sends me off With the tea You talked about your butt Talking about my butt And then she invited you in And then invited me in so think about that

You couldn't shit for three days. She's like I'm not really threatened. She was like I want to see that ass poop That's what she said to you. She did say that yeah, I like he sends me out with the tea I like you of her being like a doctor like come on come on sweetheart like make a poop come on like a dog She's giving birth to his poop poop poop. I went out to poop with Swift Pooped on Swift No, I go back drink the tea that night surprised that within like 15-20 minutes I'm already feeling something but I go to sleep Yesterday I drink another cup and I shit all day. And it is fucking nasty. It is just,

just, just horrific liquid shits out of my head all day. What's embarrassing. This sounds like a hero story. I come, I'm leaving the office at like 7, 8 PM. I walk outside,

the door's locked. I don't want to go back in. And I realized I, before my drive home, I want to pee. Sometimes this happens and I go pee in that crack in the alleyway that outside It's so I go out and you know how when you're standing up to pee and you feel a fart coming Yep, oh

IQ IQ up a fart Q pops And it's not a fart. And you shit your pants? And I shit my pants outside the office. Dude, you have to wipe off your chalkboard. Last time I shit myself. I know! I know I've been shitting my pants. You shit yourself with your pants off.

You shit yourself with your pants off. I reset the clock. Were your pants all the way down? Like a first grader? I put them in my fucking underwear, dude. How much shit was it? All the way down It was just it was tiny it was a tiny accidentally popped a rank I have to come home and I you're gone at the tournament and And zipper two is home on the couch, and I'm just eyes down. I'm like, hey, come in.

You know, change, wash. And she goes... She's like Rob Dyrdek, like, what's that smell? Stop! What's that smell? You didn't tell her? Did Chanel West Coast walk in? I couldn't tell her.

And I immediately, I texted, I texted Zipper 3 because I'm like, after a conversation, she has to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she bullies, I get harassed yes yes yes yes yes so i wish she would have told me yeah that would have been that would have been so funny if she instantly so you sat in your car with your little poopy ass i did i went back into the office i did my best best to clean it up. And then I drove.

I had to drive home. You didn't even take off your underwear? We have a shower here. Huh? We have a shower here. I guess it just wasn't bad enough. I don't know what you want me to say. It was okay to keep the shit in front of it.

I didn't get a diapy full of shit. You actually... That was really... I washed it off! Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you being vulnerable. I'm being vulnerable diapy full of shit. You actually... that was really... I shi- I washed it off! Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you being vulnerable. I'm being vulnerable. Did you throw away your underwear? No, I put them in the wash.

What the fuck is the matter with you? We have a system of throwing away! We're not permanently damaged. It was a group laundry day. Dude, it cost like two dollars per. They were one of the nice to me? I need we got Free nice they are nice

No, there's a martini okay. Oh you should You shit the martinis. That's crazy Yeah, I like that you did that because it shows that sometimes we can take L's in this world, but we can still bounce back. I bounce back. I'm a better person. Wait, what was the bounce back? Showing up today?

I don't know. I can't remember. I don't know. Falls apart a bit. He's still here. Right. That's great. Standing.

Yeah, he didn't kill himself. It also made me think about if we were together in a car and I shit my pants in one of your cars, would you guys hose it? Would you help me? Would you hose me down? Open the door. Are we close enough? Kick you out. Going 45 miles an hour.

Of course I would hose you down. I actually had the same answer as your girlfriend. But I would ruthlessly never, ever make you forget. I would actually, I wouldn't say a word about it. I would hose you down politely. I would film the entire thing. Yeah. And I would publish that.

That's a good yard intro. And a buffoon for dinner. That's the Ludwig main channel. That's local mail. That's Ludwig. I'm getting poop hosed out of his ass with the Worldstar logo bouncing around. Yeah. I couldn't write that.

Edited by Steve Alien. Yeah, that's, i'm happy for you i would record it and then i'd put it after our throw-up clip and it'd be 10 seconds of my jackass movie completed it's a it's a fan cam yeah and just you guys doing the most disgusting on camera yeah it's a reverse fan cam cam. It's made to make you revile the people inside of it. If you're a fan, it makes you let go. It's an anti-fan cam. Dude, we could make a TikTok trend. Ick cam. Ick cam!

Yeah, and you just put footage of celebrities but only things that incite icks. Yeah, it's like Ludwig running with a backpack across a courtyard. I would be so fast though. I'd be so efficient and I I'd hold a strap down. Bouncing around. I would hold a strap down so it doesn't bounce.

No, but you're running like this to try to counter the weight. Or like Ludwig kicking a sandal off his feet accidentally. I'd do that purposely. Or wearing your socks halfway down like this. Getting a little bit of ribs in the corner of your mouth. But I like when the air gets in my heel. Yeah, but this is an ick. Why did you buy socks from Paris?

Uh, because I like them. How much were them? Like, 15 bucks? How- wait, for one pair? Uh, for- You guys are fucked up, man. You guys live fucked up weird lives. None of you know Rice-A-Roni pot price.

We gave Nick shit for that last episode. Hold up. But you're on some Rice-A-Roni. Wait, you gave me Rice-A-Roni? Zipper, can you pull up a picture of a regular grocery store item? We will all take a turn guessing it. Do not show the price, and whoever's the closest wins.

And whoever's the farthest is loser. Idiot. You're disconnected from the common people. We're gonna find out right now, bitch. And to make it a little bit harder, everyone get your phone out, because we have to write it down. That way you can't change based off what other people say. Okay. You have to be an honest person to yourself. An honest Abe If you will. You are really really good at making us compete with each other But I feel like you have an edge. All I want to do is- When's the last time you went to a grocery store?

A day ago? Two days ago? That's bullshit! What? No, you know how often you go to a grocery store should inform why you know stuff. Why did you go to a grocery store? For the boo basket? No, I wanted to get heavy cream. Wow, okay. I actually might lose this

because I Uber ate 700 times. Yeah, you're the one who's talking about how you're so in touch. He Uber eatsats in Paris To be clear, when we landed in Paris He said, I'm so excited to go to my hotel And Uber Eats No, he wasn't there when I said that

Yeah, you weren't there He was like, no, this is great I love Uber Eatsing I'm gonna go to my hotel and Uber Eats I can't believe the app works here He ordered pizza to his hotel How Uber eats. I never Uber eats. I can't believe the app works here. This is so great. He ordered pizza to his hotel. How much was it in euros?

Jean-Bernard Bon. I'm Bon. That was what it said on it. How much was it? I don't know. Like $25. I can't believe it. They just roasted me for buying socks. The name was a pun off James Bon, but it was, my name is good. I am good. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought that was ham. No James Bond, but it was, my name is good. I am good.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought it was ham. No. Oh, jambon. Jambon. Oh, je m'appelle bon.

Jambon. Yeah. Isn't that funny? Okay, my name is good. Ham. That's funny. The French are crazy, bro. Zipper, you got an item for us? He's searching.

He's searching. Zipper, why are you yelling at me? He's searching. He's searching. Did he yell at you? Zipper's never been In a grocery store It can be anything

Pack of Oreos He only eats Smaller zippers Don't shake Don't take his suggestions It could be rice-aroni It's harder than it seems Just use Instacart

Just That's actually A good strat Um What was I gonna say About being A bag of onions Onions

Oh yeah I've been On your poop story I've had a mission for a while that I've decided. Because I've been taking really interesting dumps. Nick knows about these. He tells me so. Dude, he won't stop messaging me about like, I took a really interesting dump today. Do you have some time to talk?

It's funny that you get these. I like that. Because I thought he cared. Yeah, I guess he doesn't. Because you used to put high scores up on the fucking wall. Because you asked for it. But you don't do it anymore. I still want it.

It doesn't mean I want it from you, baby. You are a selfish dumper. That's a one way. I know. Because you would dump and talk about your dumps like they're the next coming of Jesus. He asked me to. But you would talk about them on the pod too. And I asked but i like it i know but he likes it he's not asking for your dumps he just wants to show he's a selfish dumper yeah he's like oh okay oh hey

check out this chest move and he's like oh like yeah you didn't see the mate like fucking four moves ago and then he's like but i got this brilliant but i've been i've been on a mission i want to take a dump that is perfectly shaped like a question mark which which requires so soft dump no it's soft enough tough enough it doesn't break it doesn't break it requires an insta clip it yeah it requires you gotta you gotta dot it you gotta curve the butt yes and you have to clip then you have to do carpetless and then you have to carpetless and you have to drop a dot at the bottom of it. Unless you go reverse Which would be even kind of hard. I don't think reverse makes sense.

So you pinch once and then you- Maybe you just get one of those like like cookie cutters and you hold it on your butthole This will never work in a toilet. That's TAS. Yes it would! You don't know how interesting my dumps are. Don't. Fuck that's where you got me. You look back to check it out, and you hear like a... It's like a question sound. You get a quest from my ass. A Korok pops out. Yeah. I would love...

And if I do that, rest assured, my dear... Where is Zipper going for this information? I would leave it in this toilet at the office. For someone to find. Shake, hopefully. That'd be funny. If Shake got left at the office for someone to find shake hopefully oh that'd be funny if shake got left to the dump he does deserve it i think also he would look at it and not flush out of just cheer like he'd probably add to it with his weird trend dumps discussed his insane trend dumps now they're just filled with pills and needles Like in saw 2 yeah, he's getting so big I want to roast your leg like a turkey

Let me you if we if we were trapped on a deserted island you we would eat you first I'm So many new we have to kill him in his sleep, which would be kind of hard You couldn't take the three of us at the same time. Yeah. I could. No, you could not. 3v1? No, you could not. We would destroy you.

No. 3v1, you're just... You believe this. Yeah, I 100% believe this. I 100% believe this. We destroy him. I don't think you add to your strengths very much. I think it would basically be 3v1s, and I think that's easy.

No, no, we're coordinated. Oh, like we're full. Like it's fucking Bruce Lee movie. We've been practicing. We get together every Thursday. No, you don't. Yeah, we do. We put Yingling in a big, like,

German Shepherd police training outfit. Yeah. So, like, for biting dogs. And we just beat the shit out of him. And we work on our tactics. I thought you knew about this. Your best bet is having two distract me then one jumping on my back.

But if the person... I'm going for headlock. ...successfully jumps on my back. We choke you out. But I don't think you would do a good headlock. No, I get headlocked. What do you think about getting armbarred? All right.

It's just rice-a-roni chicken flavor. Rice-a-roni chicken flavor. One bach? This cost... I put it down for inflation, yeah. Is this with taxes? No. Okay.

I locked in. I'm locked in. Lock me in. So we're going to go around and say our answers, and then Zipper will reveal'm locked in. Lock me in. So we're going to go around and say our answers, and then Zipper will reveal. It is a box of Rice-A-Roni chicken. We're all just going to read it out. Do we all have it written down?

Yeah. Phones down. Phones down. All right. Oh, wait. Let's start with Aiden. $4. $2.50.

$2.60. $2.36. Zipper? $2.79. I was going to say $1.86. Fuck. Wait6. Zipper? Oh, 179. I was at 186. Fuck. Wait, did I win? Are you the most?

I thought it was four. The game is really to find the biggest loser. It is eight. By far. He thinks Rice-A-Roni is crazy. Four dollars. Thank God. Thank God.

Thank God. Thank God. He thinks it's half a Chipotle burrito. I didn't even eat Rice-A-Roni in college. I just bought spinach and eggs and bacon. You cooked. I did. I cooked in college all the time.

You want round two? I made shitty food. Round two. Round two, loaf of bread. Fine. Give me like a Sara Lee loaf of bread or something. A bag of flour. Did bread get inflated?

I don't know. Everything got inflated, I think. That's why I was accounting for a little more inflation. Did you guys eat hamburger bread growing up? No. Not often. That was a staple. That's how. Did you guys eat hamburger for growing up? No, no Staple that's how I know you really my name my neighbors had it. I never we never had it at home Yeah, yeah me and Zipper give me ground beef. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I guess that makes sense. She was European She didn't trust our American trust the American sensibilities. Mm-hmm Hamburger helper definitely had fucking horse and human and a fucking

I ate a fuck ton of rice-a-roni. Hamburger Helper does not contain the meat. Huh? It's a helper. Oh, that you add

to the noodles and sauce. It's like taco seasoning. It's got the human sauce. And the glove guy's in there. The glove guy is in there

and he screams when you bite his face. He's in every box and it's, oh, okay. A Sara Lee loaf of white bread. All right. White bread?

Which is enriched. Yes. Write the price down of the Sara Lee loaf of white bread. This is tough. This one's hard. This one's hard.

This one's a, this is a good one though. This challenges us mentally. I'm gonna say. I'm locked in. Okay, I have it. It's a bestseller. We should not be eating white bread as a society.

If you buy white bread, stop. There's better things to eat. Alright, let's go around this way now. $5.60. $3.05. $4.89. $2. Okay.

$5.19. Oh, fuck! That mean? You said $5 flat, right i said five i said 560 oh then that's me baby 489 dude fuck i'm off by so much that's me you are bad at this that's crazy that much this makes sense uh i think like a loony the final one is the staple of a household we we wrap it up here this will be the end of the show too. Give me either what do you want?

Gallon of milk or a dozen eggs? I'm not sure. Daughter. Gay son. Yeah. Daughter. Which one?

I know exactly how much the gay son eggs. Garnet eggs is good. What do you know? Gay son. Is that gallon of milk? 12 eggs. $70.

Garnet eggs is good. Garnet eggs is good. Garnet eggs. Give me Garnet eggs. Do we want cage free or the Give me the Lucerne. These chickens have had a bad life eggs.

Yeah. Okay. Yes. White as day is long. Yes. Raised in a little tiny cage. And one in the pack of 12 is a little chip. Napoleon Dynamite chicken scene eggs.

This would taste like the chicken got into an onion patch. I would love to holler at chickens to make their eggs taste worse. To like abuse them so they have more stress? Not abuse them, but abuse the people that buy them. Because they can't, they're going to die anyway.

Right, the chickens? Yeah. So you're trying to hurt the humans who buy it by making the eggs worse by hurting the chickens. I want someone to hurt. Right. But a chicken doesn't have enough capacity to hurt.

Oh, this is 18. No, this is fine. This is fair. This is a challenge. It's a Kroger 18 Okay, all right. Oh, this is fucked This is fuck. I Got it. Okay, I'm locked. Sorry my Aiden again 550 679 699. Oh my god, I'm so wrong. What? 12.16.

Woah. 6.99. Oh my god, I'm so wrong. 4.69. I'm the closest. It is the closest. The 18 threw me off. See, this makes sense.

This is one of the only product of the three I would have bought. Yeah, that's true. They're sus eggs for real. It says cage free on it it says cage free but it is Kroger brand it's funny it doesn't matter none will ever say cage full

they always say bug full I always bought whenever I was buying eggs I would buy the the orange ones that have the nice branding on them

yeah and it's like an old McDonald's like styrofoam thing yeah I like it it would be really funny if it said smallest cages available.

Yeah. For our chickens. The eggs are as cheap as they can be because the cages are so small. Cages are small so we can pack as many. You know, there's more chickens on earth than humans. I always love, love thinking about that. Yeah. There's a lot of chickens.

There's a lot of other, there's a lot. It surprised me how many other animals there are. You know, there's more sheep in Iceland than humans. Really? Yeah. That's a lot of wool. There's 800,000 sheep and 300,000 people. And now it's a ghost town. Anyway, thank you for watching The Yard, everybody.

Hope you had a good time. We'll see you all here next week. In the Patreon episode we'll see them. Which is this week. Which is this week right now. But maybe we put it out next week. Maybe we put out. Maybe we fuck with your whole routine because we don't like you anymore. Maybe you start putting out.

When you do that, it looks crazy. Like this? Yeah. What does it look like? It's just so much forehead from my angle. If you turn, can you turn to, yeah. Can you turn, like, do you see that? Imagine.

Oh my God. You see how much skin it is? It looks like he's all skin. Imagine he has eyes in his forehead. Picture slime with eyes there. It looks like a monster took eyes out of your head. It would be cool if someone drew eyes on my god. You see how much skin it is? It looks like he's all skin. Imagine he has eyes in his forehead. Picture slime with eyes there. Alright, cool if someone drew eyes on my forehead. More fun tricks like this in the Patreon episode, so go check it out. So much for those fun tricks.

And goodbye! $12 is crazy. That's like organic shit.