The Yard - Ep. 117 - We Forced An Actor to Role Play (ft. Zac Oyama)

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

This week, the boys are joined by Zac Oyama! The boys discuss Dungeons & Dragons, Zac's work at College Humour & Dimension 20, and how the boys have been working on a project...

so we we had a really funny talk about grand torino off camera yeah they're making a second one and and this time he means it. Oh, man. It's fucked up, man. He's old and he's learned nothing. I just found it. What did you do this riffraff off the street? You're always bringing in the riffraff like a damn cat. I found it at the Hawaiian surplus store. Yeah.

For tulle shirts. Just hanging out. I was trying to return this one, actually. I like the sock shirt combo. Of these? Oh, my God. You're very intentional with how you dress I really I usually am NOT and sometimes I kind of stumble into this these socks are funny in that I can take them off take them show you what I'm talking about now So they look first off. I guess they look like did you make this decision you woke up today?

You said this shirt these socks were running it. I Wasn't so it wasn't as intentional as it probably seemed okay but but you know they just look like they have palm trees on it they look pretty normal right yeah but then when you take them off oh it just looks like a disgusting i took my shoes off in like a shoes off house and I looked down as I jumped scared myself. They're the color that you'd use to like color in people with crayons. It's cool. Yeah. It looks like a Ken doll's foot.

Like they didn't render the toes. You bring in this riffraff, like a cat with a damn biscuit in his mouth. He was meowing at me outside. Yeah. And I said, come on in. Help me. I'm old. I'm starving.

I'm older shit. You're older shit. I'm old. I'm starving. I'm older shit. You're older shit. I asked right before we started rolling. I was like, how old are you? I've never met. What's your name? I'm Zach. Zach.

Oh, Yama. Okay. Well, I'm going to just... That is unbelievable. You got to be so... Yeah, imagine you can taste it. Right. Or just don't imagine.

The fans always get pissed at me because I didn't know much about Mr. mr beast and like whoever we have on but this time they're in my boat as well wow yeah i was i was thinking about that before getting here i was like god what if anything is this sort of venn diagram of like our different worlds and i think it's pretty probably kind of slight yeah i think it's bigger than we think oh really you think it's pretty probably kind of slight I think it's bigger than we think you think it's bigger? yeah because when we hinted that we were going to do D&D people like popped off like way more people than I thought popped off

and I feel like if you watch D&D you know him so you're a D&D guy? I yeah I'm a D&D guy do you know him? yes yes oh I'm having an aneurysm over here. You have to ask him for his name! You have to ask him for his name, Slime!

That's insane! Wait until we started. That's insane! I think what's really funny... The part I really like is when he said the audience is in the same boat as him. Which implies that they don't know him. Oh, because Zack Oyama is Mr. Beast.

That's what you're saying. Are you the Mr. Beast of what you do? I give away Ferraris to people who are all Nat 20s. That's kind of beast, actually. No pun intended. So 36 years old, huh? You're 36. I'm 36 years old.

You know, I guess I was not exactly hoping to come out of the gate with how old I was. Sort of the fear of coming on a podcast of younger people. You're 10 years older than him. He is a little so old, to be clear. That's why you asked. Guess how old I am. I feel like I'm older than you, right?

You're older. Okay. I don't know. Are you like 30? I'm 33. 33? Yeah. Okay.

Thank God. I know, right? I feel the same way. He also does this with every guest., I said their age. Yeah, and then if they're too young I scold them Okay, tell them you'll never be great. Okay, if they're older than me. I'm like finally we'll never be great So you're a little guest. I'm your oh no Awful it was probably stave up until this point, right? He's the same age as you. Stav is the same age as you. At least Stavros looks the same as 40s.

Isn't Mango the same age as you? No, Mango's 30. Oh, really? No way. He was on his last run in December. You know, in thinking of our Venn diagrams, like TikTok for some, I don't really know anything about Melee or whatever, but I get his TikToks. Mango's TikTok.

That is, you're the only guy. You're one of 40 people I don't know and I can't tell you why that happens to me But I can't I mean he's he's years younger than me. Yeah, he's 30. Okay. Yeah Wow He's on his last drunk December for his life He said Wow December is event in mangoes life where he gets drunk every day of December Which is different than his normal life. It's not that he's quitting drinking.

It's his last month of drinking every day. On Earth, there was this old streamer that would speedrun Mario Kart and he would do Delfino December, which is he would play Delfino Square every month of December, which is kind of like this. It is. Well, what's Delfino Square was drinking beer the entire day. Is it like a punishment? Is Delfino a shit map not not really he just he enjoyed it

Also enjoys yeah, and mango also enjoys this but other people from the outside would say maybe don't do anything straight for 30 days Yeah, even delfino. Do you have video game history? Do you play games? Yeah? I like to play video games, but not like God we're old bro. What games did you like when you were a kid? I was playing Doom when it came out. I did not get into computer stuff until much later, but I was playing Super Nintendo, Sega. I'm old as shit. I had a Genesis, too. These are brands.

Yeah, these were companies that made... Sega used to be a console. They do what Nintendo don't. You remember that shit? We used to read a console they do what nintendo don't remember that shit we used to read magazines sega channel i didn't have it but that was insane yeah i i mean you know i played like all the like standard super nintendo like nintendo and sega things uh what did i get into the most i guess like i played a lot of halo uh in high school into college i played like the most intense video game addiction i ever had was like world of warcraft oh yeah and i was like zipper like that when like i failed a semester my freshman year of college because i got too into

world of warcraft and i was like raiding and stuff i think that gets you at the gamer cookout. You were a troll mage. Undead rogue. So close. So cool. Was that close? Was that close? Not really. Same side.

I flipped one coin. Yeah. Can I ask a dumb question? If I ever played WoW and I'm only now playing D&D for the first time. Yeah.

When people say like I play Undead, Rogue, and WoW is it similar to D&D when they say I do that? Yes. Yeah. In the principle of, like, races and classes. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. I think that makes sense because, well, they have, like, a racial bonus. They do have a racial bonus. Aha. They all have different, like, groups. Maybe the Gran Torino guys. What if we had those in real life?

Let's explore this in our new unplugged comedy special this whole section has to be censored for anybody who's read the bell curve if it yeah it basically wow is wow is kind of like a lot of games like baldur's gate and shit they took baldur's gate 2 the old ass one they took the bones of dnd where it's like sometimes you roll damage sometimes it's low Sometimes it's high Sometimes you miss And yeah And they took these

Generational classes That's an Undead Rogue That's so sick That's what I looked like The third over from the left In the middle row Did you have tier 3 Or what'd you rock?

Or one over to the right Were you raiding and shit? I was raiding and shit I had Well like The guild I was in Fell apart And thankfully

Kept me alive and a normal person. Guild drama is so sick, bro. We had this guy from Florida who just smoked cigarettes on the mic on Mumble. We didn't have Discord back then. And it was part of a clan or a guild called Vile on Spirestone. And it was ran by this guy named fucking, I forget his name, he was like 40, smoked cigarettes, and cigarettes and he was like just a manic all the time and then like one day pally guy the other guy in the guild decided to bifurcate during a nax run yeah and everyone just drops it's like they live in the guild this person left the guild this way and i'm on the other call in the middle of a run in the middle of a 10-man farm raid for

nax and he's like where'd you go pally Pally, what are you doing? What's going on? Dude, it was like all the fucking sensors in the spaceship started going down. It was crazy. And it was all online. What does bifurcate mean? To split into two like your sexuality. Right. Oh. Yes. That's now I understand. It is bisexual.

That's like to split into two but then only ever go one direction. Bifurcated sexually. It's a split into two but really really only ever go one direction. Bifurcated sexually. It's a split into two, but really, really like the first one. I thought this was a wow specific term until right then. Oh, that's cool. Bifurcate now. Bifornicate. Bifornicate?

That's what he does. That is what he does. Love him. He gets there. Hi, my name's Nick. I get there. What is your concept of what the yard is and who we are and anything that's a good question i think i think i'm pretty interested in like streaming and youtube and stuff

but like i come from sort of a different world of like worked at college humor and uh like and work in sort of like the more tv and film kind of world so like from afar interested in it but find most of it really you know not for me and then sort of i think i just you still stream or something you actively stream yeah but i'm don't say thank you like you're different with it i cook it up different about it dude no i i definitely like struggled to find anything that had any sort of I definitely like struggled to find anything that had any sort of similar sensibilities to me, I guess. And then weirdly, I don't even really know how. Maybe through like my algorithm or whatever got this. Oh, shit.

Like on TikTok? I think a TikTok or YouTube. What feels better to you? When someone says like, I found you guys through the algorithm, it weirdly feels better than, like, my friend told me. Because I'm like, yeah, we broke into it, bitch. Because YouTube has decided that we are hungry candy for your brain. He has taken the pill of being analytics-pilled and beating the game-pilled.

I like the idea of your friend coming up to you and being like, yo, what's up? I know you as a human. I saw your butthole once when we were in college. Thisilled. I like the idea of your friend coming up to you and be like, yo, what's up? I know you as a human. I saw your butthole once when we were in college. This is something I like, and you should like this. That means more to me. But you care more about, like, we're succeeding on the algorithm because you poison your mind.

Yeah. Let's take it to the podcast. I'm down to feel that way. I think it's like, to me that means, like, you have to try less hard once it's gotten into the algorithm, right? Do you feel... No, I don't know. Because I don't know what your role at College Humor entailed beyond...

Like, I imagine you're writing, you're a cast member, because that's what I know you from. I watched you in so many sketches. Oh, really? Yes. You know OG? Yes, yes. That's what I'm saying. He's not some small guy. Yes. You know him? Oh gee. Yes. Yes. That's what I'm saying.

He's not some like small guy. He's in sketches with tens of millions of views. I'm not a small guy. That's why it's insane that we have invited him on and then you sit in the- What was your name again? What were you on for me? I didn't- I didn't- I signed off on this. I didn't bring you in with a fucking cat.

It was older YouTube. It was old YouTube. Yeah, I was about to ask that's what Kyle's sketch was. Is it roomies or is it lost? Roomies, I think, right? Well, yeah, that's fair. Roomies is my thing. You're either a lost boy or a roomies girl.

Well, you know what? I've seen so many good neighbor sketches, but I'm trying to think of like, I actually am blanking on what lost is. Lost is, uh, it's SoCal quick hit. It's Kyle standing in front of a beach.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm just like really fucking down right now. They're talking about carnally sought out burritos. Halo, Xbox, all that stuff.

you were, you were, you said you came from like traditional TV and film. You'd mentioned the other day, your first job. Yeah. I thought it was really funny. Oh yeah.

So I'm from Alabama. I moved out here after college and like my first job yeah i thought it was really funny oh yeah so i'm from alabama i moved out here after college and like my first job out here was a pa uh on key and peel and i i met jordan because he was in a movie i interned on in georgia and uh and luckily they like gave me the job as the show was was becoming a thing and he did not drive at the time and so the job as the show was becoming a thing. And he did not drive at the time. And so my job for three years was being a PA and then their assistant and stuff. But just driving him to and from work every day. They're just like melee players, bro.

These god creatives are just like, yeah, sorry, I could get out different. Yeah, Mango can't drive. Mango also can't drive. Mango could have made Get Out. That's wild considering the mechanical understanding of playing a video game. You need to drive. Driving an automatic just doesn't hit enough dopamine receptors. Just tune out. You have somebody else do it.

Yeah, I think that actually plays. So did he refuse to learn? I think he was from Chicago, lived in New York and Amsterdam, and then moved to L. was just like he was from so he's from chicago lived in new york and amsterdam and then moved to la when he got mad tv so i think it just never happened and then he was like successful enough to not necessarily need it and then i think he drives now actually but but for the whole time it was like job security for me that he did not know how to drive yeah you don't want him hitting the dV. Yeah, like, are you sure? Dude, did you watch Mad TV?

I watched it a little bit. I would probably watch more SNL. I watch it all the time. I also watch Mad TV. A lot of you. The adults are talking. The adults in the room are talking. I watch it a lot. It was great.

I played Nintendo 64 as well. The adults are talking. I played Nintendo 64. How old are adults are talking. I played Nintendo 64. How old? You act like we're 17. 19. You're over 20, right? Do you ever meet younger people or have younger people as your normal friends just wish they were dead?

Isn't that like a Gen Z thing? There's sort of like a fatalistic response that I feel like you get from very online younger people. But also our age people. I feel like I'm basically dead. younger people, but also our age people. I feel like I'm basically dead. We all kind of want it. It's weird these days. It's like we have Nintendo. We can jerk off wherever we want.

Sorry, whenever we want, not wherever we want. No, we are. We can do this anywhere. We actually could. I could jerk off in the Sahara Desert right now. We could go to Machu Picchu and just blast ropes. If the Apple goggles are going to be worth anything, I'm watching The Revenant.

I'm on Mount Everest and I'm just beating my shit. To The Revenant? No, it's just on. You know exactly what's seen in The Revenant, too. The bear? We look at each other at the same time. And that's what I'm saying.

We have reached the capacity of human experience so it's like okay well death is like the incomprehensible let's do that i will say that i probably want to live a little more than it sounds like you no what you wound me and i don't mean that as a slight oh that feels like one that's. He just has more going for him. He's a lot left to do. You know, I'm not done yet. You're married. I see the ring.

I think that's part of it. She keeps you going. My wife keeps me going. She's like a caretaker. She'd be sad if I died, so I guess I'll stay. That's the only reason. I think, like, I don't know. I do feel like the community I'm in is fairly positive.

I don't know. I think, like, do you think that your world is a little more, like, whatever this sphere is, is a little more like that, or no? Positive. I think what we get a lot is this idea of uh i think prezzo actually put it once it's a great twitter account but he's also a human being who has said that this side of the internet is just a little more attention hungry like i think that people that come from a not live stream environment as fans are are are more more willing to just watch something and follow and just like enjoy their lives but the idea of a chat and interacting

makes them really just like... Yeah, if you say to a brick wall, like, I love you, it's not going to say anything back. That's like TV. But if sometimes the brick wall is like, I love you too. I think when you're talking about

not finding anything in the live streaming space that you really click with, which I think is a general sentiment that the three of us share, is that the main appeal of getting involved in so many of these spaces is the community aspect and feeling like these are people i can talk to and because we have this thing in common and maybe this big guy that we like on a screen that will acknowledge us and maybe there's a little bit of a vacuum of that in the rest of your life so potentially if that aspect of your life is filled in other ways you don't desire that as much yeah and i feel young like young

people are particularly vulnerable as you're coming up and you're you know you're seeking a way to like find yourself right i feel like you're more likely to be attracted to a space like that right i do feel like there are a lot of dnd fans that cross a similar yeah maybe there is a lot of crossover with that. I think just in terms of specifically the live streaming stuff, like I did Twitch for like a second going into the pandemic kind of. And so like I did it enough to like get partnered or whatever. And then I was like realizing like, oh, I just feel like a substitute teacher who's being screamed at and like just had a hard time creating any sort of boundary or whatever and so i was like i think i'm done mostly yeah you need to establish those boundaries with

hard hard evil i have seen some of your streams no way that is warms my heart do you think i do it good do you think i do it right you you have a firm hand wow Maybe would you say that he's ever gone too far? I was like, well, I'm like, not that I would. I was like, this is not a space for me to ever say anything. That's not true. That's crazy. That's also his takeaway as well as so many others. His reaction when somebody confronts him with this in person that he appreciates and then he's like, how could you think that?

How could that be your takeaway? I think sometimes I think there was one where it was like someone who was just clearly like a sweetie who's just lost on the Internet. Yeah, I think you I think you eviscerate. You think I went too far. You know why is the his his brain worm is that he imagines everyone in front of him. OK, so like if someone says to him like something on the Internet, he just imagines imagines everyone in front of him. Okay. So like if someone says to him like something on the internet, he just imagines

they're right in front of him and the difference it would be if they said it to him. How would, why would you say that? That's what I think. I think that makes sense because sometimes people

don't realize what they're, you know, what the actual reality of what they're saying is and maybe they should learn that, I think.

Thank you. Case closed. I think I have sort of a substitute teacher energy of like, huh, what do you mean by that? what they're saying is and maybe they should learn that i think thank you but uh i think i i think i have sort of a substitute teacher energy of like huh what do you mean by that yeah you're just more of a human being you were mentioning that there's this funny phenomenon where because you play a dnd character like often different ones uh people will be mad at you for how you treat the character you play yeah because they are so connected to your character it's wow it is weird i think like by and large people understand it and are are normal about it but every now and then you will see a tweet that's like

how dare you treat gorgug or whatever your character is named uh like that and like what you like i like they think they have the best interest in mind for your character is named uh like that and like what you like I like they think they have the best interest in mind for your character when you're just kind of just I don't know it's your character yeah I'm like yeah that's gonna be wild yeah it's a very bizarre thing to parse I feel like yeah well you know what I think is a big part of this this whole thing as well I was thinking about someone left a on this. I read it a long time ago. It stuck with me, which was like,

I, and presumably you, you grew up in the dirty South. Yeah. With alligators and such. Birmingham, Alabama. You were also dirty in the South. You were filthy. I was disgusting.

I don't think you were dirty. I don't have that. You grew up in a bog. Yeah. On bog, the quality format. With the gators. With the gators, and they were your friends. My house was a fan boat. with the gators and with the gators and they're your friends and this is a fan

But the same gators the same gators they put in hello fresh Deliver to you on a fan boat if you live in the south don't be the sponsors And so but there's this concept of like it when I grew up it was Shame was always food and shame kind of kept you in line and i think for better for worse mostly for better now if you are kind of weird or you're like neurodivergent or you're just kind of like if you're someone who doesn't fit in or something you can find an online community that says everything's okay and you're okay and that means also that telling the man on the screen that you love him is also okay because there's a lot of people that do that absolutely so like there's this idea

there's a lack of shame that i try to i bring on but i try to pull from the past with a big chain and just like you know it's coming up from the swamp and i'm like this is the shame cube this is for you it's the shame cube take a bite take a bite and chew it forever. And that's what I do. That's what we do. I'm trying to get this shit. I guess we're, yeah, I guess we're the same. So what is your interpretation of the shame cube? The shame cube,

that's what I'm trying to understand. I think like, well, like you're saying, a lot of these people who I think are, especially friends of D&D because it's a lot of, you know, not like straight white people in that world. And like, you know, a lot of dnd because it's a lot of you know not like straight white people in that world and like you know a lot of people who don't have a physical space where they're comfortable to be in so i'm not necessarily dying to hit them with the shame cube you know what that is also interesting because every time i get a shitter comment on like twitch

or something i just imagine them as a 15 year old white male yeah and i'm like you are you are the someone i would like to shoot a laser at right yeah yeah and that's obviously not the case yeah you know and not everyone's that good clarification just this guy but i think there are people who are that who maybe maybe they need to get the shame flail shame shame damn the shame mace the laser beam shame space i was gonna i was gonna ask when you were finished pa and on on key appeal like is that when you made the jump to college humor yeah it was like the show was finishing up um they were going off to make the they made a movie keanu before he made Get Out and they were going to have to do that and I was just trying to get out of being an assistant and at the time I was also doing like I don't know if you know UCB like the comedy theater in LA like I was doing stuff there a lot and was on like a

sketch team and an improv team there and through that was able to submit to College Humor because they were looking for new writers and got an interview and got hired and so like it kind of just happened at the exact same time and so yeah and that's that's how i made the leap to that world is everyone who's a pa in the industry just like a like no one wants to be getting sandwiches right no it's it sucks i mean it's like well it's like you want to get your foot in the door to be working on something that you think is cool but then like you get on this production ladder that like if you are moved to la or something because you want to be a writer or director or actor whatever like

it's good exposure to what that world is but you're going up a ladder that leads to like managing productions right and that that's not an easy jump to make away yeah do you feel like by working on youtube i feel like especially especially maybe like five five ten uh years ago working on youtube uh i remember freddie wong said this thing about their work no matter what they did in this space no matter how like amazing what they put together was no matter how great the vfx was no matter how good the show was if you said something was like a youtube published show you would be immediately written off and this he said this in like i want to say on a podcast in like 2015 16 so not like that long ago no but and i

was kind of wondering since that was so much of your career if people still evaluate your work that way yeah i think that's a that's a really interesting question because it's like i think there was that stigma in that world of like you do youtube stuff from like if you were trying to get a job on a tv show or in in more like yeah in that other world that's more traditional media like they the people who make those hiring decisions and make development decisions that's very much in their heads of like i don't under really understand what that is nor do i fully respect it in the same way as what i do but i do think that's changing even in the last you know three or four years no we can't we can't give youtubers more because even the boomer even the boomers know mr bean mr bean is a big guy well also zach yeah when netflix goes we're doing a squid game for real finally and mr beast ratios Also, Zach. Yeah, you and Mr. Beast, the two goats of YouTube.

When Netflix goes, we're doing a Squid Game for real finally, and Mr. Beast ratios them like LMAO took a long time, losers. They have to eat that. The marketing team at Netflix has to be like, we got ratioed by Mr. Beast. This is a meeting. You know what, though? It just takes one strong-willed executive.

Bless their hearts. Christ blessed all executives. Yeah, and landlords. God bless them in the way they negotiated. Yeah, and landlords. Those writers should have caved immediately, bro. And you know what? One strong-willed, light-of-Christ executive

can just say, I don't care, and just keep doing what they're doing. Yeah. And that's funny. To me, that's really funny, because it's really just one guy being like, I don't really care about this ratio. Plus, I'm not bald.

And then continues going. They're not. Yeah, they're just not online in the same way. So they don't feel being ratioed. They feel their $30 million yacht. You know, I think when you're that old and a thread that you started has that many likes on someone else's tweet, you feel like it's your thread. Yeah, you're like, they like me. You're like, oh, look how many likes are in this's tweet. You feel like it's your thread's likes. They like me.

You're like, oh, look how many likes are in this world I started. All she knows is share price. Dude, you know what the ratio of old times was? You wrote your congressman. You'd write fucking letters. Or it'd be angry moms. Is that like ratio-ing? No, yeah.

It was like writing letters to TV stations. You watch a lot of old shit where they're like, yeah, we had to change what we had to do because a bunch of moms got mad they wrote us letters what's these letters get to these people and they're like oh and this is the ratio of old is like the goat ratio like sending anthrax in an envelope that's the all-time ratio? Al-Qaeda tried that one. What's your opinions on Al-Qaeda? Awesome. They're really great.

Prefer their older work, but I think they can survive in the age of... I think they can still make it happen on YouTube. I actually have a situation in the Middle East I'd like you to speak on right now. Right now? Well, when you think of YouTube in the Middle... Dude, there was this cafe in France when we were there. It just said ISIS Cafe. And I was like, oh, they turned a new leaf. There's so much stuff, I imagine, named ISIS that was like, ah, fuck.

Like Ice Mice for a real name. Yeah, it's humans' names. There's Archer, the company in Archer. It was, there's a post-hardcore band called ISIS. I think they kept it, though. That's a type of flower. That's a tough SEO. Yeah, you're just like, oh, come on.

The international series of inspired someone's. I'm imagining telling. I love that event. They're like, fuck fuck We're competing now I'm imagining telling like your mom Is like no we just posted a music video And then she sees like a beheading Yeah

Oh you guys did the second one Oh it was nice I support you bud Art comes in many forms It's like my friend Lee He was born on 9-11 And when I met him You get to know someone

He's like, oh, when's your birthday, man? He's like, 9-11 And I'm like, ooh I had a friend who was supposed to give birth on 9-11 Did she hold off? They held off Yeah, yeah You held it in?

I think they made it happen before I forget exactly what it was But through great physical stress, their baby was not born. You might be able to clutch that, though. If someone's like, what's your birthday? It's like September 12th. Oh, no, no, day before. And they might not

have enough time. Cool, day before. They're waiting like a night later, and they're like, wait a second. I almost forgot. What if in 9-11 it was just instead called like, because instead of Osama Bin Laden, his name was Anthony Bruno. You know? It was called Kyle Day.

Yeah. It was Kyle Day. It was Zach Oyama's wild ride. Wild ride. Wild ride. And you're just like, how old would you be? You're like 15. You're like, come on.

It's like zacko y'all just roll bad sometimes yeah do you have anyone named your name that you don't like that beats you in any way like no you don't think there's not a nick out there oh no nick for sure i think like my full yeah your full name I saw that there was a 16 year old lacrosse player in Canada with my name. Does he gap you in all metrics? I keep tabs on him.

Just making sure he's not going pro and I don't know, I guess not lacrosse. D&D lacrosse. Dude, you should start a smear campaign. You should be fucking his life up. I haven't kept tabs on it in a minute. I think he must have

just quit and just made it away. He's killed it. I bet he quit, fucking loser. Yeah. Get good. Our old boss,

Ken Chen, he was always, he always complained because he was like, I'm not even the most famous Ken Chen from my school. There was another guy

named Ken Chen who like invented Blue Apron. And he's like way more important than I am, you know. There's Anthony Bruno. He's a novelist. I read one of his books. That's tough. Yeah, they're shitty though, so it doesn't matter.

Okay. Like if I got my shit together, I'd gap him. I just have to write a better novel. I have to write a better crime novel about, like, an FBI agent. That's what his was about. Do the exact same genre. Yeah, just like, what's up, bitch? If there was a Zach Oyama in, like, TV, would you do one of those stage names where you're, like, Zachary L. Oyama?

I think if I was starting up, I would. Now it's too late. Now I just will be loser. Like, I just just be worse i'll accept that i'll be fine it'll be all right i'll just hang out yeah i haven't checked up on my namesake in a while but the last like when i was looking uh in in college the only other aiden mckaig was like a british teenager who who had a who had an instagram account with no photos on it oh dude i'm thinking of amen the his what we call him yeah amen amen the guy he he was he defected oh yeah

so amen amen was there they they have a nickname for me amen okay and uh there i decided to look up somebody it was like are there any famous people with this name? There's one guy who was a part of Al Qaeda This is all true was caught turned double agent for mi6 Did work for them is done doing that is like a public speaker now and then became anti-vax You know before all that he worked at College Human too. Oh yeah, Amen. Amen. You know him? He was on the branded team, right?

Yeah. Anti-vax. Dude, if you don't know about Factor right now and you watch The Yard, what are you doing? We do talk about it a lot because it's the only thing keeping Nick Yingling alive. Yeah, without Factor he would be a skeleton walking this earth. Just moaning and going, uh. He's kind of on it three meals a day right now. He's on it. Nick Yingling eats out of box like he's a yin.

The fall season always gets busy. Don't let it overwhelm you. Factor is fresh and never frozen meals. It's ready in just two minutes. You get nutritious chef prepared meals delivered straight to your door and your mouth. That's a quick munch. That's a quick munch. Ian would love it. And if you're

a munch, Factor The iSpice Factor meal exclusive. They make a hundred of them. It's called the Munch Pack. The Munch Pack. It's one of their 34 meal choices per week with 45 plus weekly add-ons you have bacon cheddar egg bites you get potato we need to get some new ones up in here on the list but here what are you gonna say i was just gonna say if you're swamped by postcards you got work like nick yingling you

can slam one of these guys and they got your macros taken care of. Oh, yeah. They do have macros. I was actually thinking, like, I always say Nick Yingling's been looking good off the factor, but when he came on the show, I was like, he's actually, I was noticing. He's cracked it off the factor. Yeah, he's looking, he's looking grusseled. If you want to look, if you want to look snatched like Nick Yingling, you can head to factormeals.com slash the Yarn 50 and use code the Yard 50 to get 50% off your first box. You also get a VHS copy of Nick Yingling's audition for America's Next Top Model.

He did not get in. He did not get in, but that was before Factor. So he's going to audition again this year and we'll see how it goes. He's going to meet Tyra Banks and finally give her a piece of his mind. He shouldn't give up on that dream. No, he shouldn't. Not yet. He's still got a good hairline.

He'll look beautiful when he's 40. That's America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit factor. Factormeals.com slash yard 50. Quit playing around. Just stop playing around, you know? It's time to get serious. Dude, college humor was sick. I feel like that, like, for a while, I was like, this is what I want to do.

They were the tastemakers. Yeah. You watch a college, you're like, finally, someone who, like, gets it, you know? Yeah. Jake and Amir was everything for a while. They're great. They still are doing it, you know? They have their own podcasting studio and all that, and they, like, it's, their creative

partnership seems really nice that they get to, like, continue, something like this, I guess. Continuing to be buds while having, like having a great company and all that. How did all of this change, by the way? Because I noticed, I went to look it up before you came here today. I noticed the channel is Dropout now. Yeah, that happened super recently. But that's like a new company, right?

So I think a couple, like five years ago, Dropout, they launched Dropout, which is like their subscription service thing that's like, you know uh kind of pivoting away from the youtube world uh and also i don't really understand youtube so i'm probably getting something wrong um and that uh so they started focusing on that and that's where the dnd show came from dimension 20 and then game changer and all these other things that they're currently still doing uh so the they still have the youtube channel but like the brand it didn't like college humor did not quite it was sort of just like it's chewy bro yeah it was like old feeling a little like the old roots of it were way like frattier i guess

than what it became and so that still exists but uh but i think dropout became popular enough that they were like college humor is kind of dead so we have this old college humor is very like boobs in thumbnail equal views yeah i got a sketch called this thumbnail is a butt and it's just about like i don't know this it's pitching that idea of like the thumbnails of but even like old derrick comedy shit bro the spelling bee are you kidding me oh yeah are you kidding me yeah there's a really tough time of internet comedy that is just like you can't even really You drop that today and it's like You're done

You're the guy in Call of Duty Let's bring it back Let's bring it back, we can make it fashionable again If everyone thought like you, we would just have to redo the next 10 years No, no, it would cancel out This is zeros I think I was 14 I'm guessing, I don't know for sure We would just have to redo the next 10 years. No, no good cancel out Zeros I think I think I was 14. I'm guessing I don't know for sure when college humor removed the cool sound at the end of the videos like

Has worked there has to do it well Looks like the Joker that was at the end of every video, and it's like I'm being naughty It was one of them it was like the first time I was like these fucking fakes no these fakes It was the same part of my brain that was mad when YouTube removed cool banners Just like when Smosh changed their intro. What happened, dude? She's like, shut up. That was an accident.

I thought that was on purpose. That was an accident. I was like, oh, that was cute. I don't know. We all get used to it eventually,

but I was just like, that's part of you. That's you. You're removing the you from this. Yeah, I get it. And I was like, I never want to do that

to myself, but I've probably done it a million times. They're making a subscription service. It sounds exactly like Cross Counter counter tv which is a famously successful platform run by a famous run by a guy i've definitely heard of it before two seconds ago no he's like he's like maybe our most precious Esports legend Do you know Do you know Pogchamp?

I've heard Pogchamp I guess Yeah do you know what Pogchamp looks like? It's a little emote Right? Of a guy Yeah And that's

Wait they changed it right? They did change it They did change it But unrelated But unrelated to Gutex And his ideology I forgot they changed it It was actually just

It was time Yeah Now it's an alligator Which you would like Him and Eamon Have a lot in common So there's not really It was time Yeah Now it's an alligator Which you would like Him and Eamon Have a lot in common So there's not really swamps And it's not that

They were double agents For MI6 No it just sounded funny Because what you described And I just remember Cross Counter Which was this platform That was like subservice

But it was really Terribly run But everyone's I'm not saying That is terribly run But everyone's doing that now Linus Tech Tips is doing it

everyone's just what was it fucking Tiny Meat Gang they dropped Patreon and they just did their own like Patreon because Patreon's cut

was too which is well I don't know why they did it it was pretty involved to like start your own I guess if you are rich and powerful enough you can do it

but I feel like a lot of people are very successful on Patreon and don't mind that level cut But I don't know dude patrons are good to us. I'll say it. Oh you like patreon. I like like patreon You guys should all join it and give us shit. What's up? Middle of the show plug we've never done that in like a hundred episodes. It's true

Yeah, we I feel like we should do it more. We probably should. Someone got mad. Someone on the subreddit was like, fucking, they don't do the plug anymore. It's like, don't you want that? What the fuck do you want? We should find that guy. They wanted you to do the plug? They're like, they don't care anymore.

It's like, what are you fucking talking about? That's cool. We need to chill more. We should print out a picture of that guy's face and then put it only in the shed. Though he has to pay to see what we do with it. And we draw on his face all the time, put dicks on it.

Welcome to Machu picchu motherfucker oh soaring above it jacking off um do you do you have any uh because i feel like dimension 20 has gotten so much bigger than everything else related to dropout that's my general feeling as an outsider is there any like misgivings from like people who are involved or like started dropout that like dimension 20 is like i don't know that's like a bigger name and brand than the rest of everything i feel like so yeah it's gotten a lot bigger i think uh i think game changer is also still very popular but those are like kind of the two bigger shows on it uh and i just think that has everything to do with dnd being weirdly popular and also i think

they did a lot of like during you know it was a thing before quarantine and all that but like during that time did a lot of tiktok stuff that i think made it a lot popular um but this is the sound when you're rogue shit's his pants i don't know how it works exactly that you don't know how tiktok works or how dnd works or which one did you i feel like i was pretty close i that is a type of tiktok i think uh yeah it's weird i think i think it's funny to me because my roots at working at that place and and everyone who is really on dimension 20 and that sort of core cast of it are comedy writers that kind of fell into dnd so it is like kind of weird to just suddenly so much of my job is now playing dnd that's and did not expect that yeah they called

it a dropout even expect that were they expecting the show to do as well as it did i can't imagine they were i feel like even with like critical role from what i've heard it was just like oh my god what's going on don't change nothing yeah change nothing because it's working and that's crazy and we're gonna keep doing it just a behemoth now like they have like three tv two or three tv shows or something and then they have tv shows i don't know yeah they have so they kick-started an animated show based off of their like first campaign and they're all like professional voice actors before and then they have tv shows i don't know yeah they have so they kick-started an animated show based off of their like first campaign and they're all like professional voice actors before they did dnd stuff and that's such a buff yeah and so they all their whole like their whole uh hook at the

start was just like they can do all like fantasy voices perfectly and so they're doing that and that's sort of the hook and then so now that they're super popular they did a kickstarter that they were hoping to get like i don't know like 500 000 something like that and they got 10 million dollars oh my god they and then they went to like studios and stuff or i don't i don't know actually what the middle step was but they partnered with amazon who matched their budget and then they have like a 20 million dollar animated two seasons of the animation and then they did a different animated show off their other. We're often making similar deals. I didn't know they were.

This is big. Yeah, we make big deals. So proposition for you. We're big. We're not. This is so. We're not talking about us. So maybe this becomes an animated show.

I have had the passing thought as we've started. Obviously, there's like an incredibly long way to go but looking at the ceiling of dnd shows even in comparison of podcasting in general there's like this chance that us doing a dnd show like supersedes the normal show that we're doing it can happen yeah i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna be a dnd bro just quit halfway through the banter lord through and through. I am not going to be a fucking... Is D&D not just banter? Yeah. No, it's not.

It is. It's like, oh, I'm a paladin. Yeah. What? Is that not what running a bit is, in a way? I'm the goon commander. I will say... I'm the goon commander paladin.

And I cast my spear to the child. The lord incel of the team. I think the misconception for D&D, D I think is that it's almost like anything. It's a media. And like, it's like, uh,

the content of what it is can literally be anything. So like we did a campaign that's like, we're people modern day in New York and like, we're not, there's not fantasy races and you're not in like Lord of the Rings or whatever. There's real ones. So there's real ones. Yeah.'re not in like Lord of the Rings or whatever. There's real ones. So there's real ones.

Yeah. If that answers your question. They did Gran Torino. I played Clint Eastwood. No! I rolled a nat 20 to get the kids off my lawn. And I got riddled with it. That one went over super well with the D&D heads.

Yeah. They loved it. They loved my politics and general demeanor there. Why are you doing this to Clint Eastwood? How dare you? We're doing real D&D live from Rumble. Where it's one-to-one with real life and we make up the rules. You're IRL streaming.

Sleeping people in the street as your D&D character I'm playing the knockout game with the dice so a proposition for you so you cause you have nothing going on you come to our D&D show and you are we replace Aiden with you

and so he that sounds good I'm on board you make a big announcement. You're no longer doing D 20 ever again. And they're all pedophiles. And they are all. Yeah.

And that's why you don't want to work with them anymore. Well, that's what I quit. I quit the first and then say, by the way, by the way, everyone is over. This is over party.

Do you hear about that? Did I ever make it through? What? That we make it through? What? That we... What make it through? So when we were starting our show, when we were starting our D&D show, we reached out to Brennan Lee Mulligan

to be our DM, who did not respond. Disgusted, bro. He's not very online. So Brennan Lee Mulligan, we started very quickly a campaign of our own called BLM is Over Party. And we were going to defame...

Talk about having the name ISIS. And we were trying to spread the word that we are putting a stop to BLM. No. In all of the fake worlds that he has created. Yeah. Sort of the fake news of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because his rate of TRS is top. God, I can't wait to just have like a 10 minute primer to explaining this to him later. Good. He's like, so it's called the internet. And they're on it? they're inside of it you know why yeah he i was a little bit uh that the idea star struck me because that is one of the videos i saw was him doing he's like the ad executive in these sketches where the ceo the ceo ones and there was one where it's like um edible tide shit the tide pods yeah and he keeps getting handed

like delicious you know tie bots and his acting is so good he's so good in that sketch that was um uh we had a conversation about that yeah where it's like we're just talking about the writing process and sometimes you bring in an idea and it's not quite like just like one little tweak really sells it and that was one where he was like just the original idea i think was just telling people to not do it uh but then someone was like it should be that there are more products that are worse and worse that that you know the ceo's response is like oh we're fucked and he performs it perfectly yeah did you write that i didn't well you know it's funny i wrote a tide pod sketch when the first kind of craze of tide i think kind of of predated it a little bit I didn't start I think there was someone else who like had made the joke before but

Around the time people were really doing that I written a sketch just kind of going through my thoughts of like god It just looks good I watched I watched that sketch because it was before that yeah, it was before the trend became really big That's and then when the trend happened, I was like, this is hilarious. This was a college humor sketch like two years ago. It was like, I was just driving around one day and there was a commercial that was like, Tide Pods are great, but you should keep them out of reach for your kids because they definitely look like candy.

You have insane foresight. That's some Jungian shit, right? That's the collective identity of all people in the world being like, those are yummy looking. And we all together just did it, you know? Yeah, they had to put an age restriction on the video because they were worried. Just having them looking delicious and sweet.

This is before YouTube made you clarify this was for kids or not. Really? You're a merchant of death. Aww. You were probably... You're just like, love with others. I never thought about it. So you think that zero kids tried Tide Pods because of your work?

You think the answer is zero? Huh. Because you don't even think that's unlikely? Don't you think that at least one has seriously been injured? Just at least one. One human life. I've really just not confronted that until this moment. I've assumed probably not.

That's cushy. You start breaking down. What was your question? No, I think I do think, I guess so. I don't know. I guess I'm responsible for writers. We're heroes. All right.

We take the risks and things happen because we're brave with our art. That's what you and me do. Wow. I put a I did try one in the video that is like that the production designer fake one that had icing and it was like he wrapped it with perfectly with this kind of not edible wrap. I had to spit out the like plastic of it, but it was like he wrapped it with perfectly with this kind of not edible wrap i had to spit out the like plastic of it but it was super satisfying yeah it's like a gusher it's kind of the same concept oh you got you got the closure that those kids never got yeah yeah well

death is closure in a way the void is closed i mean it's the final closure i think there are worse attributors to it i should clarify i think i think if like like people say you know you got It's the final closure. I think there were worse that's contributors I think I think if like like people say you know you got the click remote like what I would probably do shit like that I'd be like yummy. Oh Go back. I didn't do it. Yeah before it before the before the chemicals take you you just yeah Rewind but yeah, you had a you had an idea for for ol G. Oh gee over here. Oh, yeah, I was uh What was I doing? I don't remember. D20, they're all sex offenders.

Oh, so everyone at Dimension 20 is pedophiles. All my closest friends are pedophiles. Well, I'm not making that part up. I'm asking you to expose that. Because I've watched the show. Wait, what? And they're clear... I thought you were coming toward the bit that we had planned,

but you are trying to Get to the bottom of it Yeah I mean what you don't care This is investigative journalism I thought this was a room play as elves We're not supposed to be concerned I'm concerned I think elves are a beautiful thing

That don't necessarily equate to To being Elves are old This is just baby boomer mentality Hey everyone Mint Mobile is the sponsor Equate to To be Elder old That's honestly Right This is just Baby boomer mentality Hey everyone

Mint Mobile is the Sponsor of today's podcast And you're Zach Oyama But Australian Yeah so Culprit didn't like The other guy

So it's me time now We gotta call From Ryan Reynolds And he said Get the guy Who's over the age Of 35 out Yeah we can't

Get the guy Who wears exclusively Only American Flag shorts For seven days straight Who's over the age of 35 out? Yeah, we can't get the guy who wears exclusively only American Flag shorts for seven days straight. We need him instead. This is crazy This is good for the mint mobile brand The scent of mint mobile Know what it is, but I think you can help me in my shorts You know why it could actually help you while you're good for this is because when my house comes to America

It's tradition for him to lose his phone. Oh my god, dude. And if Miles had a Mint Mobile plan, it would be so cheap that if he lost his phone, it actually wouldn't be a big deal. And you never have data. You don't have data. And you could be paying $15 a month. You're telling me you want to hit me up? And he always says it's so expensive.

Mint Mobile is $15 a month. It says $15 right there. It hasn't changed in years. And I can lose my phone all I want? And we can't get a hold of you because you don't pay for a plane while you visit us. It's actually all true. Josh is the exact same way. I might hook Josh up when he gets here. But yeah, it's unlimited talking tags, high speed data on the nation's largest 5G network. So your Australian friend doesn't have to say, hey, could you hotspot me?

Hey, OG, could I get a hotspot? Do I literally? You can say no. You can say no. It's like, fine. I changed my hotspot password to I am Australian, the sentence, because I realized I only ever use it in that context

when I have an Australian friend here. And they could just be paying $15 a month for Mint Mobile. Mintmobile.com slash yard. Cut your wireless bill to just $15 a month or get a one if you don't have one already like Miles, which is crazy. To do it that way. Even a 2G data so you

could send, you could get the, you don't even need high speed data. I just need to find, I just need to know that you are well and safe. I got my 2Gs right here. That's what I was using before. Wow. Yes. Mintmobile.com slash right here. That's what I was using to fall. Wow. Yes. And that's Mimble.com slash The Yard. That's cute. We're gonna go back to the episode and

swap Miles out because we've gotten so angry at him. Uh-oh! And come back, Zach. I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to bring up our project. We have a project. Yeah, so we, you're an actor. Sure. And you're a writer. Yeah. You're more things than Aiden will ever be, potentially. That's true. That's so true, Nick. So we look so we, you're an actor. Sure. Yeah. And you're a writer. Yeah. Uh, you're more things than Aiden will ever be potentially.

That's true. That's so true. So we look to you. I don't understand why it's. We look to you kind of like a North star in some ways. Cause we're, cause we are, uh, you know, we're somewhere between those things, but not quite any of those things at the same time. You're between world.

And so we, you know, we've been working on a project, um, that, uh, I haven't told you about yet. Cause I didn't feel like it was ready. Okay. But we want to bring that product to you now and kind of get your opinions on it. It's a story. Okay. What was the genre of ours? It was like a medium.

High fantasy. It was like medium. Oh, medium? Yeah. Right. Story. Story. Words.

TV or like books? Mine is a world building. We are building a world. We're not sure where to put it yet. We're not... We're between... It could be a book. It could be a movie.

It could be a goddamn... We're between book, a movie, or a television show. And we want... So I think what our idea was is that we would do a table read. Okay. And we would just kind of randomly cast you. So random. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I could play, kind of get a script. Yeah, sure. Well, I misunderstood the assignment. Mine is more of a... You misunderstood our show we've been writing. Yeah, but I wrote sort of like a novelization.

Do you have one of those? I have one of these. You printed one for our table read. Wait, did you guys send me stuff? What are you talking about a table read? Wait, were you guys supposed to write stuff too? Or was it just me? It was you. Oh fuck. Okay Did you write just your lines? No, I just wrote What did you make? Okay. Okay, so you've ruined the bit

Fucked fucked it up. You've ruined the bit, but what did you do? I wrote a, but what is basically an introduction to- Do you know how many times I messaged you this weekend? Like, hey, I'm down to help. That makes so much sense. I was like, why does he need, why do we need to work together on this? I thought we were all going to, I didn't properly interpret this. No, it's not awful.

Because I explained the idea so clearly? I fucked up. You did. But this, I will say, guys, this is hot fire. I will say, like, So how do we

So what is this? I don't even know what this is anymore. He has to read it. We are in Slime's weird world. You're just giving him a monologue? Uh, yeah.

And so he is doing a monologue and we are listening. We're not in the character, we're not in the world, we're not characters. Yeah, that's way worse, isn't it? I can't believe you is doing a monologue And we are listening We're not in the world We're not characters Yeah that's way worse I can't believe you wrote me a monologue

And the first thing you said When I got onto this podcast was What's your name? Wow Okay Is there room for us to be characters In between his lines? Not really no

I thought we were all gonna do this And share God Okay. Is there room for us to be characters in between his lines? Not really, no. I thought we were all going to do this and share. God. I fucked it up. So unprofessional. Do whatever you want. It's your world now. Okay.

Well. Is there any way I can help with this? Well, I think. Maybe this is why we need him. Here's what I want you to do. Okay. I want you to take what I've written, my beautiful prose, and I want you to think of this world that we've built yeah as you read it okay this is a high fantasy world two rogue mercenaries should we let him read through it first or should you go no he's gonna read it line by line and i want you to read it's just a page it's not very long

and it's it's about two guys we We obviously haven't heard this. Me and Aiden have not heard this. They actually have it. Yeah. I actually, it's so funny because we were going to. It's about two guys? Play off that we didn't know what was going on. It's about two guys. One of them's named Jack.

The other guy doesn't have a line. And the other guy's name is Sline with an N. So it's just a fictional. Jack and Sline. Yeah. Okay. So that's not right. Those Jack and Sline. Yeah. Okay. So that's not right. Those are two fictional guys in the world.

Right. Two mercenaries have been looking all night at a nice big juicy take because they're also burglars. Okay. They're mercenary burglars. I want you to read it out in your narrative.

Apply your lens because we're looking to enhance what we've created. I'm back to the hypothetical. Thank you. And so I need you to sort of do this honestly. Don't fuck with us.

We're trying to do a fucking show here. I don't fuck with you. No, don't. That'd be rude. Listens for once. That's good. Yeah, if you could

just not be rude and just do this. Okay. Yeah, I guess could just not be rude and just do this. Okay. Yeah, I guess I've been really fucking rude. Are we ready? So I should just read this whole thing. And don't give feedback until it's over because I think you need the full arc of the story

to really understand what we're talking about. The full story of the moment. It goes to eight. Ready? Yes. It's too cold, said Jack. His cow whipping The full story of the ball. It goes to eight. Ready? Yes. I'm ready. It's too cold, said Jack, his cow whipping in the night wind. The bowstring he held taut did not waver. However, as he kept his arrow drawn on his faraway target, a young stable leaning...

Stable hand. Okay, a young stable hand leaning against the wall of a farmhouse only minutes away from do- What? Dozing off. What the fuck are you doing? On his faraway target. A young stable hand leaning against the wall of a farmhouse only minutes away from dozing off to sleep. Did you say something?

Slime said, emerging from the trees and adjusting his belt. I was just having a crazy three-way with two elf women for like three hours. I know, said Jack. I'm right here. I could hear everything. Nice. How's the stakeout going? It's...

What? Can you just read the fucking... Interrupted. Is that your small, cold penis? Slime pointed to Jack's meat, hanging from his tunic. Exposed to the night air, but also fleeing back toward the warmth of his body. Blanked on each side by two extremely tiny balls. Slime thought they might do it.

Sorry, two what? He said you kind of... He kind of mumbled through that line. Blanked on each side by two extremely tiny balls. Slime thought they might be the smallest, coldest balls he's ever seen in his whole life. Yes, it's freezing. In a way, they looked like three mobs. Because the penis was so small. Right. Slime began to think that the cold air,

while of course having some influence, was a negligible factor in the size, or lack thereof, of Zach's genital package, not Jack, in this documentary. Oh, it says it on there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's close to the J. It's close to J on the keyboard. That's my fault.

It's close to the J. Not really. Oh, he has Dvorak. Different keyboard layout. Yeah, you have a weird keyboard. Okay, great. That's crazy, Slime said, mostly to himself. Want to get this show on the road?

Gladly. Jack, now with the J, released the arrow. That's on the script. Don't read that. Not on the script. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it has to be, released the arrow. That's not in the script. Don't read that. It flew into a silent professional arc into the navy blue night. A precision learned

through an entire lifetime of practicing archery and getting zero Elf Strange. Not even during Arrow College or anything like that. He went to a party at Arrow College, too. Kind of insane, actually. The arrow landed perfectly, symmetrically,

into the skull of the young stablehand who had dozed off moments earlier. His body remained against the wall, limp and dreamless. Jack and Sline made their way down the hill to the stable, stopping at the corpse. Whoa, Jack, look! Sline had maneuvered the stable hand's overalls to reveal another set of extremely small genitals, so desecrating a dead body,

possibly tied for the all-time record of Jack's impossibly small three-of-a-kind. Are you related, this guy? Jack, wait, hold on. From the top of that line, please. Possibly tied for the all-time record of Jack's impossibly small three of a kind. Are you related to this guy? Jack rolled his eyes. Let's get, wait.

Turn him over. This line did so. And Jack's eyes grew wide this is Aiden John Ian McCaig he's the bisexual son of an extremely powerful Duke he also shit all over his pants

and really tiny balls probably when he got shot in the head with your arrow that's super embarrassing the night air subsided Probably when he got shot in the head with your arrow. That's super embarrassing. The night air subsided. Jack's extremely tiny and weird nuts and wiener attempted to dangle in the silence. What? But were simply unable to physically do so

because of their size. They were too small. Were dead men walking. And scene. Wow. So what do you think of our story? God. I have some thoughts.

Okay. Well, first off, I like... It's our first venture into fiction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's... It's a cool... It's like... You're jumping right...

It's sort of in median res you know these people are in the middle of something you don't really know what i think i think you could play with the idea of not knowing what he's going to do to the target okay you know okay they're out there for some reason it It's like, it's a go time. Like, what are we kind of build some narrative tension about what the, what this, what this is at all, you know, like, um, could play with that. Do you think that when the viewer knows that its name is Aiden, John, Ian McKaig, don't you think that's like maybe too much of a give of what's going to be happening here? John Ian McKay don't you think that's like maybe too much of a give of what's going to be happening here or well I well, I'm I guess I

Guess I'm slightly confused as to why the son of an extremely powerful Duke is working at the stable Yeah, so I was gonna cover that but I was like then it'd be too long It's kind of a I think it's kind of supposed to be like a mouth thing, you know Bring out the city kids to the to the farms. Yeah, I think you should be wondering if the audience has a question, you should at least answer it or at least allude to, you know that

they have the question. I have a question. Why does the stable hand have my full legal name? Dude. You're asking me? We're in the middle of something. You're asking me? We all worked on this. Yeah. I mean, it's just names don't matter, you know. We're in the middle of something You're asking me? We all worked on this Yeah I mean it's just

Names don't matter you know You're just naming We're using it as a placeholder name Because we have like Rough inspiration Of where we're drawing The character from But we don't know

What to call him yet Well yeah I think the other The other two main characters That's locked That's locked? That's like a clear Yes

I would just One small thing It doesn't even really matter Clean up the typos Maybe not a Zach Maybe maybe a Jack, right? Yeah, that's, you know what? That's sloppy leopard. That's on me, and I feel embarrassed because it's this typo.

And I brought it to a pro, and I said, you know, this is my best foot forward. You know, you just sometimes, if you want to show your work to somebody, you want to lock that stuff up. That's my fault, yeah. I'm also intrigued by the idea of Aero College. ball yeah uh i'm also intrigued by the idea of arrow college like uh i think i think you know as you fill out this world you might want to expand on like what it means to go to arrow college you know the fun thing about our story is it actually began with arrow college and everything was built around the idea yeah we kind of fell in love with what that might mean and what arrow college is we were watching american pie yeah yeah because they're all trying to get laid before they go to Arrow College.

Right, yeah. They have a pact. They have a pact to the next step. And one fucks some limbus bread. You heard it. It's not exactly like... I actually just want high fantasy Superbad now that I'm thinking about it. So I'm interested in that.

You know, i'm wondering uh as you there's obviously sort of different races and uh and and sort of like everyone has sort of different physical attributes yeah in the fantasy world we're trying to be inclusive in our story yeah absolutely uh i'm wondering like just you let me know uh how much of a factor this sort of the little tiny junk like how much of a factor that is in the overall story you're telling well i think it's very distracting to slain's character like it's definitely on his mind uh i'm curious going forward how many times is it in there? It's like once or twice. It has to be like once or twice.

And does it sort of pay off narratively? I think, I guess it's like a sort of a checkoff. I think paying off is a tall order for something like that, right? For something so small. But I think when you're referencing sort of somewhat real life events based on a somewhat, you have to keep some facts straight. Fans are going to be annoyed if you distort. If you deviate. Yeah. Right. Too much. somewhat real life events based on a somewhat you have to keep some facts straight fans are going to be annoyed if you distort deviate yeah right too much so right it's important to know that the characters referenced are different from who they're inspired by exactly like very

different yeah yeah no well i mean yeah it's all off the cosmic bookshelf you know what i mean totally yeah there's a few there's a i think you get really flowery and sort of your descriptions of it which i think are beautiful i think that there's some parts towards the end where the the the sort of prose i'm getting a little confused as to what that what it means this part in particular jack's extremely tiny and weird nuts and wiener attempted to dangle in the silence but were simply unable to physically do so because of their... I guess I'm not really sure what attempting to dangle means.

Well, that's the idea of descriptive language, right? You're personifying something so tiny and weird. And you're saying it's trying. But it's actually not. You're ascribing a personality to an inanimate dry object. And that's something we learned in writing school. Describing a personality to an inanimate, you know, drawing project. Right. And that's something we learned in writing school. I have a creative degree.

Cool. Writing degree. Yeah. Was it stuff like this or? There's a whole class on what? If you wanted to like go, I don't know, like show that to like Brennan Lee Mulligan or like Dan Harmon, someone you want to pitch that to someone up the chain

someone up the chain utilize your sort of network to help us help you perfect and this is helping me yes this is

I would love to talk more about it maybe off pod well we mentioned you're an actor yeah so so who do you have

in mind for me I mean look the whole damn the whole damn buffet I mean you can read for whatever me? I mean, look, the whole damn buffet. I mean, you can read for whatever you want. I could be the Duke, maybe. I think we want you to be. The thing is, he's like an off-screen guy.

The story actually begins and ends with the script, so we don't ever see him. It's like 24 with Jack Bauer. It's just one period. It seems like a really powerful character that you allude to if you don't see him. What is his impact on the story? Well, God is powerful, and we can't see him, though. Is that what you think you are? Is character that you allude to if you don't see him like what is his impact on the story well God is powerful

and we can't see him though is that what you think you are is that what you're trying to say I guess that is a little different

yeah I mean it's a metaphor again when sometimes in writing we say things that mean something else but they are like a placeholder for the idea

I don't know I'm just like spitball I'll do like a like a slime jack slime jack slime jack how about jack

would you read for jack interesting yeah I have some character thoughts but we could definitely talk about it we absolutely love to have a meeting about it

I just figure like CGI budget probably be like lower cause we could use cause you'd be cause you'd be cause you'd be like

cause you would have you'd probably have his like clothes cause D&D I have his clothes you probably have a lot of D&D. A lot of the theater of the mind of D&D.

I don't really have any of that. I don't cosplay. Look, we can buy that, right? You know what? Yeah, we can buy that. We can buy the wardrobe. Interesting. Patreon Zoo and well.

Just looking for a foot in the door here. Right. Well, another thought I had is, like, it's really clearly is something that Slyne is sort of obsessed with. And I wish that there was maybe a little more real estate in the writing itself just kind of given space to like Sline being like fuck why am I so fucking

thinking about this I'm fucked up in the head you want to you want to be more inside the mind of a Sline kind of well we already are right right I think we already are kind of hearing it from his perspective even if it's like you know outside of quotes and things we're hearing his head so i i wonder if he's like god i wish i didn't always think about this stuff there's something fucking wrong with me yeah and i think that that battle definitely exists within him but the beauty is that he'll never be different and

he'll never change and he'll always be that way. Yeah. All good characters in Rite is another thing we learned in school. Don't change. Ever change. Ever. Yeah.

Right. They identify a need and they practically ignore it because of their distractions. Vonnegut always said you give them a glass of water and then you give them the water and then they drink the water

and that's the story. Because they're thirsty. Because they's the story and so this is like this is free so you guys you think you should be paying for this shit I'll tell it to you straight up this is like how you write a story yeah come to think of it

yeah so probably shouldn't have even had you read that we'll have to cut oh I mean listen you want I think

part of sharing your work is is hearing other people's opinions and and where they it's just that I feel like you might like you having that

and like taking that to another room where we don't have control over it's like too valuable it's hard yeah I'm not trying to steal your work I no

I didn't say that you didn't say that no no but if you did right this would be the only way that you could so we're just gonna make sure you're just gonna cover bases yeah all right i do think like what if this is just just one last thought on it yeah what if what if the jack character was just kind of packing? You know? Packing. No. Packing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What if the Aiden... Yeah, what were you going to say? Because there was like another character that like Aiden could just have...

He doesn't even have to be packing. He could just have normal, normal genitals. Yeah, what if they just had normal genitals? Normal, uncircumcised genitals. So you think that... I don't like... See, this is why i don't like bringing this to like it feels like i'm i'm killing someone i love in front of me you know right it's like when you it's just one of those things that's gotta stay right because it's like you guys can't see the story the way i can right and it's sort of elaborate on the story or like

you know it's why is it such a crucial piece because it's just it's not done yet right so it's gonna come like you know the easiest part is starting something the hardest part is ending something yeah but I have an ending in mind and then incorporates all of this shit yeah and it really has to matter even Aiden

Johnny and McKegg and you're pointing at him well I'm pointing at him. Well, I'm pointing at him. I'm just thinking. I'm in the mental palace of the world right now. I'm pointing past him because I don't see it like that. It's not. It's like every minute of me.

Not every minute is about you and you always make it about you. So we're trying to. I do make Aiden, Johnny, and McKaig about me. Sometimes. So you guys is, I mean, it's weird that you're on his side now because we're in this project together. We'll talk about that. I feel like.

And that'll be something we need to talk about. He just had a lot of good advice and I feel like his rewrite brings a lot to the table in for my, for that character. This is what happens. You get a star struck.

You watch College Humor growing up. Yeah. You know. You can't watch Simpsons. You only watch College Humor. You come immediately with the nag into read the script with.

Can't believe you fucking didn't write us into it. I'm so sorry. I genuinely misunderstood. I thought we were all going to do that. I messaged our group chat. I said, you'll be really funny as if we wrote a story where we are all really cool characters and we're doing a read, but yours is obviously about

you. That would have been so much better. Ours is like idealized versions of ourselves. Yeah. And you're forced to read while we all read together. It's funny because we both checked it. It's also funny because I've messaged you so many different things that you haven't replied to. Like first I was like, hey, you want help writing it? Didn't reply to it.

And then I was like, hey, we should meet before the podcast to kind of go through it so I can read the script confidently. Yeah, it made no sense to me. And I was like, that doesn't make sense. And you just ignored it. Instead of replying, like, I don't understand. I was in the zone You know it's like

Yeah sometimes you You just get to writing And you And you just You really get on a You just get locked into How tiny the balls are And you can't think about

Anything else They attempt to dangle They don't have enough leverage To swing They attempted Yeah You know I'm sorry

I fucked up And it would have included all of us. I genuinely thought that's all we were supposed to do. And this is our last chance because he'll be dead soon. Yeah. We'll all be dead soon after. Well, thanks for inviting me. Do you think your colleagues would like

this story? You know, we can talk later. I think it has some things going for it. And some things I have questions about. You know, I'm not sure. Gosh, you know, it's how do you stand out in that world? Right?

And I think it's like. I think Brennan Lee Mulligan could be our dead horse. Yeah? Yeah. You could ask him. To do what? To be our dead horse in the Right horse in there. There's no yeah

We didn't add it in but that we have a dead horse that we wanted to put in and he also got a dead horse Well, like a workaholics whiteboard shit. We can't say yeah, that's been done. Yeah. Yeah shit like you know bacon strips bake bacon Yeah. Yeah. Like, uh, you know, bacon strips. Bacon, bacon, bacon. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Like that's what she said. Kind of thing.

Like I'm kind of done jokes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, not that one. That one's pretty good. Cause I'm not just like, cause,

cause women be saying that. Cause what, what if women said it? Wow. Don't you agree? Yeah. I fucked it all up. I'm sorry.

I'm trying to, I actually can't believe this. My hope is with this podcast and you coming on it is that there'll be enough, like, welcome to our world. You're going to get TikTok'd out of your mind. You're going to get cut in short form many times. And I'm hoping you get cut out of context so many times that it makes it back to the D&D community. Right. And then they learn

to want to kill you from the inside. To kill me from the inside on your brain the Zach you know that plays lacrosse you're that guy to us because I have the same name and we don't have

object permanence so we just don't understand how there's two of you well I really appreciate you you know, being brought in and the generous. What time are we at? I don't like it. I have no concept. Waiting for zipper to.

20? That's actually insane. Whoa. That's crazy. We can go back to normal now. Yeah, we can go back. It's time to go back to normal. All right.

You're our friend again. It was a great read. Thank you. And we can talk some more about. I'm so mad. It's time to go back to normal it was a great read we can talk some more about the ideas as it goes on I made it about me instead of my friends I didn't mean to I thought we were all doing that but uh

did you go to college? you know what's funny I went to Alabama I went to a state school i went to a state school i did i really don't i i went there because i had you know i'm from alabama i had bad grades i like kind of didn't give a shit about school and then it was sort of like oh fuck i have to apply to colleges and i you know just went to the state school nearby and learned nothing. Learned absolutely nothing. What did you do in your program?

Telecommunication and film. They were like 70s-sounding, you know. Yeah, yeah. The technology was just invented, so all these classes started opening up. It was a very old-feeling degree that was not very updated and not the school's priority by any means.

Yeah, I went to Alabama and then only really learned anything when I got out here. Roll bucking tide. I mean, you got a film degree and made it happen. That's pretty beast. Yeah, I mean, I feel lucky. I think in going into the comedy world and learning by osmosis by being on set on Key & Peele

and taking all those classes and stuff. But yeah, I mean, do y'all, like outside of the podcast, are you like, what are you, you got your degree in writing? Yeah, dude, I have a creative writing degree from a state school. Yeah.

I have a creative writing degree from a state school. Yeah. I have a creative writing minor. Yeah. Which means absolutely nothing. It means so little. Like, even the major. Yeah. It means very little. Trust me.

I don't really agree. It helps you personify tiny balls. It didn't even. Anyone can learn how to do that. Oh. You take one fucking lynda.com class. I don't even think they have that shit anymore. Lynda?

They had Lynda, I think. No. I took so many Lynda classes in college. That's crazy. What is Lynda? Lynda's like, it's like master class. Oh. But it's worse.

It's like master class, but the teachers aren't masters. For school credit? No, it's like my college offered a membership for free. Basically, so you know master class you take people who've accomplished like a lot in their career and they teach you how they did it right yeah linda's like that but the people have just not accomplished anything and they just teach you stuff that they're just kind of guessing it's just like here's how this works i know how to do it it's like if aiden taught how to play mortal combat or something yeah i was gonna say instead of ninja

teaching the streaming master class it's just me on Linda like I think this is how YouTube tutorials exist for like everything they put those behind a paywall okay yeah and so that's what I offer you on our Patreon Slime's writing class no uh I did have a question for you I think in a lot of moments of like being a creative guy or whatever, or a creative person where it's like there was, there's one thing you watched or saw when you were younger that really like set it off. Do you have that in your head? Mine is Pablo Francisco's Comedy Central Presents special.

Oh my God. The, the, the little tortilla boy. No fucking way. You know him? Yeah. Yeah. We're old Yes That was my shit Yeah

Him just doing all the He does a whole trailer At the end right Yeah that was his thing That's his closer Yep yep God Oh my god

You guys don't know What this is like This is like Aiden Finding his Uber driver Plays Mario Kart Wii I used to play Competitive Mario Kart Wii Oh okay

And he loves Uber drivers. And I have conversations with Uber drivers. Are you a get in and say nothing guy? I would love to say nothing. But people definitely love to talk to me. You're like us. I had one sort of recently and it was like I got into a Tesla and I

was like, okay, I don't know what that means but it's a guy with a nicer car and almost immediately he was driving and he was like, okay, what is, I don't know what that means, but like, it's a guy with a nicer car. And almost immediately he was driving. He was like, yeah, you know, the aliens, they're, they're here. And he was like, they have this system. They have a system of tubes that zoom you up and then they will send you a thousand miles away instantly. And it was like, no ramp up to this at all.

That's so fucking funny. My, my, my friend who stayed with me right now, Miles, he took a ride, and the guy was telling him that the apocalypse is happening soon, that nukes will crack the sky open, but the aliens will save us, actually. Dude, it's crazy. Crazy Uber drivers are just an always food, apparently, right now. It's also like five stars. How do they know so much? Yeah, who are they listening to? They're just listening to Rogan. Always food apparently right now, which is like five stars

Rogan there the 10k viewers on rumble channel Yeah This guy actually brought up a YouTube account that he would go to that was like this guy's a surgeon and they're trying to kill Him the FBI is trying to kill him and but you know and and they have unlimited This like shadow government has unlimited funds and i did eventually ask him i was like if they're trying to kill him and they have unlimited funds how does he avoid them and he was like well he's got security and it was like what you need to follow up with what security you gotta know that when um when you encounter someone like this do you like i mean i'm sure you'd rather just not talk, but you're like, oh, this guy's crazy.

Don't you try to find out more about what they think? I definitely like to like take sort of a journalistic approach to it. Yeah. Versus like arguing about it. Cause like that, I don't want to like lose or I mean like. I refuse to lose. I refuse to the alien guy. I don't want to flail on the argument like

fuck is he right no but I don't want to be like you know set someone off who is obviously unwell in a certain way especially while they're driving so I'll be like oh interesting yeah yeah and we'll just like try to get a little more out of the story I guess

with a guy like that like to your point of like you don't want to lose, if you talk to a guy that crazy, but you're just you, and he's like, the aliens are here, and you're like, no, they're not. He's like, well, yes, they are, and it's because gravity works different on Mars. At that point, I don't know as much as him.

I'm pretty sure aliens aren't here, but he probably knows more argument points. If I lose that argument, if I got nothing to say at some point, I'm gonna leave. He thinks he won. I gotta eat that. I gotta be like, I just lost an argument with this guy. Yeah. About aliens. Well, no, because you can just say, no, that's wrong.

Like he's playing the same hand. Yeah, but then he goes, ha, fucking never listens. Like if I'm like, no, you're wrong. Smug about it. He's like, well, that's my argument. Well, I've done the research and you're like, well, I'm just alive. And I have common sense or whatever. I don't know if I could live like with.

I just got to disagree with him. I got to be like, yeah, dude, you're fucking so true. So true. Get me. Get me home safe. I should drop me off right here. Yeah, well, this is good. I've had those where I'm like this.

This person can't know where I live. This is close enough. Down the way, yeah. No, I live at Popeye's, yeah. No, it's cool here. It's great. I love it here. It's funny that he's a Tesla guy because it makes me think he's...

I just believe... Yeah. Like, at some point, if you're a Republican, I just start believing you're a Trump fan because, like, Republicans at some point became, like, so polarizing in the media that if you're still repping that shit, like you got to think that the way that they're portrayed in the media is chill. Yeah. And so in the same way, if you're still driving a Tesla, you're probably like, yeah, Elon's chill because you would sell your Tesla by now.

It's so shameful. Yeah. So I want to see. I don't think people have convictions like that though. Well, for my bit, imagine they do. Okay. Yeah, so I want to see. I don't think people have convictions like that though. Well, for my bit, imagine they do. Because I want Elon to have to meet all these guys in person at the big Elon meetup. He's such a choker. How awesome would that be?

Because they come up and they'd be like, yo, you ever think of the aliens? And he has to just be like, oh, yeah. I'm looking into this. Interesting. Interesting. I'm looking into this. Yeah, it's procreation. I feel like Elon kind of settles for anybody that will just applaud.

Yeah, he needs the yes men of his sort of fan base. Because he went to the, I don't know if you saw it, he went to the world championship for Valorant. I saw it. And they panned to him. Whole stadium booed. Hilarious. Yeah, because you know what the kids hate more than fucking anything else?

Is guys being cringe. Is boomers, old boomers being cringe. Yeah. And else is guys being cringe. Old boomers being cringe. And he is just super cringe. Take away all of the dumb shit and the fucking everything wrong about him, but he's just cringe. What rank could he be where we all just forget about that? If he's like Ascendant 2, are we like

I... No, I don't... He would have to beat Mango. In Melee or in Valorant. Do you think that Elon Musk believes he could do it? Like, do you think that he... 100%. I think so, too. Yeah.

I think that he's psychotic enough to believe that he could train to beat anyone and anything. Some part of me understands that, though. Because I do feel like, in some way, I feel irrationally like a game like Valorant. Like, I think I could be great, but I don't play it at all and like a big part of me is like I could be Like a really big dude at a bar and you're just like the right punch I could win the fight you always come back to This bar fight the fantasy that you have this is real this exact thought right, but okay so this was this was two hours ago and uh somebody just broke the marathon world record and how long uh it's two hours and 35 seconds two hours two hours and 35 seconds the person for the entire marathon has to

be running four minute 35 second miles that's i saw that this is this is an incredible human achievement and in my head i was like if anthony saw this he would be like i could do that it came you went to me i thought you were gonna be like i'm not gonna say you could do it you thought about me i thought about you saying that you could do that no i'm humble when it comes to physical feats i know my limitations i feel like i can't fucking bench over a plate. Hmm. Yeah. I do feel like I could run fast. Give me six months and I could do a three hour marathon.

Are you the kind of guy that you watch a movie about like, like street dancing and you're like, I could be the best street dancer. Yeah. Like five minutes after you're like, that's my life now. If I wasn't starting to dance right now as a 36 year old, I could be such a good, like, uh, when you have these fantasies, when could be such a good, like, uh, when you have, when you have these fantasies,

my head, when you have these fantasies, what's the thing between you and that? Like, is it just purely what you want to be doing? Any sort of drive? Yeah. Uh,

I guess an unlimited budget to put to it. Like when you see, I think that's the fantasy of like, when you see the like comedian who is now in a marvel movie who's ripped and it's like they just gave me a million you know whatever the it is to star in a action movie for marvel i could be that ripped and i think in many ways that is true on the opposite i actually don't believe changed the game yeah when he did it and chris pratt looked... Well, I guess Kamale was such a... Truly known as a comedian

that it did feel really weird to see him so strong. They're sipping the Hollywood dose, bro. Just a little bit of test. And I could look like that with a Hollywood dose. I think if you gave me a million dollars for a movie, I still wouldn't get there. Like, I'd still find a way to be like, I don't want to go.

But if you had no other commitments, that was your commitment. Do you feel that way? Yeah, I just don't, I don't want to go. But if you had no other commitments, that was your commitment. Do you feel that way? Yeah, I just don't think, I just can't. I believe in you. I just can't imagine myself shred it. You know?

Really? That's a you problem. I've never been there. So I just can't. We also all can't do that. That part of my Minecraft map has not been rendered because I've never walked over there.

And so I don't know what it's like. If you, if you get the V, the Instagram fan cams for the yard are just going to be unbearable I would find so many reasons to just take my shirt off like all the time

yeah we were just on uh the San Cutie podcast for your end and the whole time I was just thinking like how many hours

would it take me to sleep a San like how many raw hours do I have to put to just one punch and he's down and I'm like how many hours of work would I have to

put in to even get there? Is it possible? He's a really big guy. He's so big. Is this a fair fight or are you in the middle of the podcast jumping over? Charging the mound. It's a good question. I've imagined it in a couple ways. You can't fair fight that. No, it's fair fight. I stand up and I say, Hassan,

I want to fucking kill you. And he's like, obviously doesn't take me serious. I said, no, I'm for for real i've been training secretly and i want to fight you for real i want you to try and i have to win and everything goes does he have a fighting background or is he just big he's just big and strong and athletic that's he's a political streamer he's kind of fighting his whole life yeah you know someone's coming for him i i i feel irrational in this department just because my dad is from Japan And came to the United States to teach karate Because he was a part of like a larger karate organization

And he's like You know his knuckles are so fucked up And huge from punching bricks and stuff Oh my god And so I've seen him like Break big stacks of ice and do all that stuff And like I just grew up taking karate and even though i uh it was not my passion did you take karate in america yeah i am in alabama

in alabama i was different yeah i also little known fact in karate alabama karate is a sick band name yeah it's pretty good does your dad still get up to old shit and just punch stuff he not really because he's really old he's like he was like an old dad already so he's like 82 and so he's like mellowed out a lot but he's still in really good shape for for his age i bet if you put him in a ring with any other 82 year old i think he's like yeah yeah i uh i got the green belt okay where do you get is that high all of them are different i will say all the ranks and like because ranks Some different schools have different It's blue here, yellow here, orange here

Oh fuck I'm trying to remember I don't remember what was before green But I remember it goes green, brown, then black That's exactly the same as ours Okay so I was a green belt Bronze medal And then before that it's, all the other colors. Yeah, yeah.

But I feel like American karate's weird, because, like, to get to the next belt, you just had to, like, run a mile. Well, that's the thing. My dad's style was, like, he was a part of this other organization, so he brought, like, uh, the real deal to the United States. Yeah. And so he wouldn't, he was, like, his whole thing was, like, your kid doesn't deserve a belt, so I'm not giving it to him. That's so cool. Yeah. So it's not, like, the McDojo was like, his whole thing was like, your kid doesn't deserve a belt. So I'm not giving it to him.

That's so cool. So it's not like the McDojo type of thing. He thought everything else is like, you pay money to get another belt. And he would not believe that at all. I think I realized that even as a young kid. Your mom slipped a guy a hundred bucks. Like she, well, it's just like the membership is, it just comes with belts over time. It's like a passive.

Like I, like, I'm not kidding. Like you go to a karate class and it's like, punch this boy. It's like a passive. I'm not kidding. You go to a karate class, and it's like, punch this boy. It's like a plastic version of a brick. They're perforated. A guy pulling it. Yeah, I remember.

And he's basically pulling it, and he's like, yeah, punch it, and then you do it, and he's like, oh, good job. And it just gets a little bit more dense plastic as you move up in belts. And if you punch through it. Dense plastic?

Is it magnetized? No, it's plastic, and it had teeth like this, and you just punch through the teeth.'s plastic? Is it like magnetized? No, it's plastic and it had teeth. Okay. Like this. And you just punch through the teeth. So it kind of hurt. Yeah.

And, but like, I mean, not enough to warrant honor. Yeah. Yeah. There's no honor in that plastic. So like you punch a plastic thing. You do about like 30 minutes of like moves you, that you have been like rehearsing. And if you could do all the moves punch the thing and then you could run I think two miles

they made you run miles? yeah we had to go down to a local park and we had to run two miles it was they would add in a mile

every belt yeah so it was like one two three four and then eventually I got to green and I said mom this fucking sucks

I hate this and I played soccer you weren't about it yeah no well he didn't have what it takes you can say it my dad would do a thing fucking sucks. I hate this. And I played soccer. You weren't about it. Yeah, no. He didn't have what it takes. He can say it. My dad would do a thing where he grew up where he and my

uncle, they did a thing where they would do a hundred man kumite where they would fight a hundred people in a row. Dude, they have that in Melee. How long did they do that in Melee? Were they wireframe? People made of wireframes, yeah.

Wait, so fight with karate rules. Yeah. What are the rules of karate? I think more modern day stuff is you can't really punch people in the face, but you can kick them in the head, and you can't kick someone in the knee. You can't go for that. Maybe that's wrong. There should be a rule generally. Punch punching people in the head is illegal but if you can if you have like the skill set to kick people in the head yeah there's and it's like a bare

knuckle fighting uh so yeah they would just do this thing where it was like part of their organization like after you or whatever black belt like you have to fight if you can that's the feat of strength that they all respected um and my uncle did it and my dad tried to do it and got like and it was the first time they ever did it with like lights and stuff and filmed it and he got like 60 people in and he passed out he passed out dude getting to 60 plus getting past the halfway mark and be like 50 more guys. Yeah. Let's go. It's like a Mr. Beast video. That is a guy. I slept 100 men in the ring. That's why he's been the best.

My uncle got an island. Yeah. That is fucking crazy. I didn't know that. Okay, before we go, you never answered. Mine was Pablo Francisco. What's like the, if you can think of it, one thing when you were younger that was like- Like super formative for me?

This is that shit. God. think of it one thing when you were when you were younger that was like super formative for me this is that shit god i think honestly one of the most formative things is truly someone said it earlier as a joke mr bean mr bean the not the youtuber no yeah the guy that we call mr beast the goofy guy that gets in situations very uh i think like physical comedy speaks to me in a big way and silly in that way. And then I became a writer for some reason. You watch Mr. B and your brain chemistry change and you're like, I need to try to recreate this in my own way. It was like your Manchurian candidate.

Yeah. It activated you. It woke me. I thought it was going to come full circle. I thought you were going to say Grantorino. Clint Eastwood is so funny, the way he yelled at that chair. All right.

Thanks for coming on our show. Thanks for having me. We're old, man. It feels good, man. And we can talk later about that script if you want. I would love to talk about the script later. Why don't you give it back to him? It's pocket-sized now because you folded it up

why don't you just keep it this is for you you can email it to me no you keep it I think physical it's like the old keep that

I want you to more traditional types they're going to want to read it in your breast pocket in your wine shirt right in there it's in I can see it

just drop it right in alright everyone hey join Patreon if you want to keep listening or don't or don't it's alright

we don't patreon.com slash the yard patreon.com slash the yard and goodbye bye Zach bye